Have you ever considered how the notion of control might actually be an illusion?
I mean, shaping our reality in ways we can barely grasp?
Think about the times you felt completely in charge, completely in control.
Whether it be making a critical decision, navigating a relationship, and if you're a
guy, it was completely an illusion of control.
And you know what I'm talking about.
Or maybe it was managing a project.
How do these experiences of apparent control influence you?
How do they make you feel?
How did it, how did it be filling in control or being in control make you feel?
These sensations of having control often give us a profound sense of security and purpose.
Yet if we look closer, we might find that our grasp on control is far less concrete than
we actually believe.
It's intriguing to uncover just how much of what we think we control is really out
of our hands.
I mean, that's fascinating.
Welcome to Life Unscripted, where we peel back the layers of what we've always taken
for granted and question whether any of it is as it seems.
I'm Allen Stafford, your host and navigator on this journey into the depths of our perceptions
today.
We delve into the powerful and pervasive illusion of control.
How it governs us, fools us, and at times, enlightens us.
All right, folks, today what we're going to do is explore how our desire for control
permeates every facet of our lives from the mundane to the monumental.
And I'm talking monumental.
That just sounded cool to say it that way.
We strive to steer our destinies, manage our environments, and predict outcomes all under
this illusion that we have that reigns firmly in our hand.
It's this control, this illusion of control.
But how much control do we really have?
Do we even have control?
And what happens when we confront the reality that much of our control is in fact, you guessed
it, just an illusion.
But here's the thing.
Understanding the illusion of control is more than an intellectual exercise.
It's a journey towards personal freedom and resilience.
In recognizing the limits of our control, we can let go of unnecessary stress and focus
on what truly matters, how we respond to the world around us.
This awareness is especially critical in a world that feels increasingly unpredictable
and chaotic, and I'm talking extra chaotic nowadays, folks.
By acknowledging the boundaries of our influence, we can find peace and empower ourselves to
navigate life more effectively and with genuine intention.
Join me as we now talk about what is the illusion of control?
So what is the illusion of control?
I mean, control is something we all strive for, right?
And we think we have when we're making decisions, everyday decisions, and interacting with others
and ourselves, we think we're in control.
But really, it's an illusion.
Most of it's an illusion.
Life is an illusion, in my opinion.
But the illusion of control is actually a cognitive bias.
And it's where individuals, basically we humans, overestimate our ability to control events
and outcomes that are largely outside of our influence.
I mean, think about it.
What are some of the situations that you've tried to control today, and if it's morning
where you're at?
Yesterday, what are some areas you've tried to control?
You know, was it a conversation?
Was it a decision at work?
Was it just where you were going to go eat?
Or what you were going to go eat?
I always try to control what I'm going to eat, but unfortunately it controls me when
I walk past a bag of chips.
It's got some gravitational pull, sucks me in.
So to understand the illusion of control, we've got to go back to 1975.
This concept was first identified by psychologist Ellen Langer.
She did some research that demonstrated that people tend to confuse skill solutions, or
their skill situations, with chance situations.
Basically attributing success to their ability, even when outcomes are random or influenced
by external forces.
I mean, you'd probably know people if you sit down and think about it for a moment.
You'd probably know people that think the situations they control are based on their
own skill set when it's really random.
I mean, gamblers, gamblers often believe they can influence the role of dice or the
outcome of a card game through rituals or these lucky charms that they carry with them.
Ever sit on a poker table or a blackjack table and someone says they have a strategy
and they can beat the house.
They think they have this control, but they don't have this control because really the
house is going to beat them nine times out of ten.
I would say the house is in control, not the gambler.
Yeah, so this notion goes back to 1975, or the concept I should say.
And basically the fact that we believe that we have more influence over events and outcomes
than we actually do.
And again, it can apply to a wide range of situations from everyday decisions to significant
life events.
I mean, we think we can control the weather.
Some people think they can control the weather through, well, look at Native Americans, they
could do rain dances, right?
They thought they could bring in the rain and they can control that.
I mean, that's all part of the illusion of control.
And when something happens, if someone, let's take it, let's go back and use the Native
Americans as an example, doing rain dances, and then all of a sudden it rains and they
believe they were in control of that when that was really just luck or just weather
because of the season.
But then they began to believe that because of that result, they can continue to do that.
The same thing happens to a gambler.
Just look at a gambler who keeps winning one role after the next role.
They believe that their ritual, that they're in total control of that.
So what happens when they lose?
They don't blame themselves.
Like I'll tell you that.
But here's the reality behind it.
When you think you have this control, especially in gambling or maybe in your relationship
or in communication or some sort of outcome at work, the outcomes are typically governed
by some sort of external factor that's beyond your direct influence or control.
I mean, think about it.
Even at work, if you're making decisions, are you making decisions in a vacuum by yourself?
No, you're making decisions as part of a team.
That team has an impact on you, an influential impact on you, your boss, your peers, your
subordinates, whatever role you're playing at work, it has an impact on your decision
making, whether it be conscious or subconscious.
So you're not really making that decision that you think you're making because you've
already been influenced.
And this bias that we have, this illusion of control bias basically comes from our need,
our human need to predict and control our environment.
We like to be in control of things.
I mean, there's a quote that goes, chaos is the law of nature.
In order is the dream of man.
And with order requires control.
You have to control your environment.
We try to control everything on this planet.
Man tries to control everything, and yet they control nothing.
It's all an illusion to them.
They try to control the weather by creating weather models and predicting it.
How many times has the weather been right?
This last year here in Southern California, where I live, the weather has not been right.
It would say it's going to rain and it doesn't even rain.
They say it's not going to rain and then it rains.
So there's an illusion of control by the weather forecasters that they can control that.
But as I was saying, the bias stems from our need to predict and control our environment,
which is basically rooted in our survival instincts, our desire or just our need to survive in
order to control our environment, to stay safe, and then the whole idea of control is
perpetuated by cultural narratives that emphasize mastery and autonomy.
We basically teach this to our offspring and hand this down from culture to culture, from
generation to generation, that we can control certain situations because we have this need
to master it, this need for autonomy.
Folks, I've got news for you.
We were animals like any other animal.
We just happened to be a little smarter.
And I'm not even sure sometimes we're smarter.
I think animals might be a lot smarter than humans.
So going back to the psychologist Ellen Langner back in 1975 and her research, she did a research,
she did a study called the lottery ticket study, which basically showed that participants
who chose their own lottery numbers rated their chances of winning as higher than those
who received random numbers.
Basically this illustrated an inflated sense of personal control.
Either way you do it, whether you pick your numbers or you have it randomly generated,
it's all chance.
You're not controlling anything.
But yet people who felt they picked their own numbers basically controlled what they
wrote down for the ticket felt that they had a better chance of winning because they were
in control of their numbers, which is kind of funny if you think about it because if
you really analyze it, it's all luck, right?
Same thing with gambling.
It's all luck.
Yet people think they're in control and investors are the same way.
The market folks, the market, the stock market is an unpredictable beast.
You can simply say with some degree of certainty and I'm saying some degree, which is a small
degree that the stock market is going to perform in a certain way over time, but you can't
predict the market.
You don't know if it's going to be up or down the next day.
You can make an assumption based on historical data and companies that you're looking at,
but investors believe that they can predict the market movements or the success of stocks
based on past trends or their gut feelings.
How does your gut tell you what's going to happen?
Unless you have to go to the bathroom, then that's going to tell you what's going to happen.
But they basically ignore broader market unpredictability just assuming that their guts going to tell
them or past trends are going to tell them what the market's going to be in the future
and they're able to control their investments and when they lose, they're like, what happened
to me?
The problem is you thought you were in control of that and you're not because it's unpredictable.
It's all unpredictable.
It's all luck and chance and randomness.
Even driving, this is a good one too because this one here kind of deals with faith and
I'm talking faith and humanity, but drivers may feel they have complete control over their
safety by their driving skills alone.
I mean, I think I've felt prey to that too.
I think I've been driving for so many decades that I feel like I'm total control of my driving
when I'm really not because I know in the back of my head that the concoming car can
swerve and hit me head on, but drivers tend to think that they have total control of their
vehicle because of their driving skill despite unpredictability and road conditions.
It was just last week that I was driving from Southern California to Phoenix, Arizona and
something in the road hit my truck, but it didn't look like there was anything in the
road when I was driving.
Was I paying attention?
I don't know.
I was probably listening to a podcast or something, but I heard it and I got a little concerned
and I began to think, how did I not see that?
I'm in control of my driving.
I'm the one driving.
I'm experienced.
But again, it was just an illusion, right?
Because I'm not paying attention to the road or what could be in the road.
And I'm assuming that the other drivers are going to be playing it safe when any number
of things can go wrong.
They can have a heart attack.
They can just be on a suicide mission, whatever the case is, and all of a sudden you get into
a wreck.
Where's your control there?
You don't have the control.
So it's all an illusion.
And here's the kicker, folks.
I don't know if you're familiar with David Kahneman.
Kahneman is a psychologist and he wrote the book, wrote several books, but one of the
books that he's written that I recommend reading is Thinking Fast and Slow.
But studies that he's done in finance demonstrate how overconfidence and the illusion of control
can lead to riskier behaviors and decision making failures.
So if you go around with this illusion that you have complete control and you ignore,
negate randomness and unpredictability, don't take that into consideration, it can continue
to fester in your mind and lead you to more riskier behaviors.
And again, those decision making failures, hence the gambler who wins, wins, wins, wins
and loses and just goes, what happened?
How did I lose?
And then they'll go back.
Okay, well, I've feel lucky again.
I can control this.
I can control the dice.
Yes, I'm back on.
I can see the rabbit's foot and then again they lose.
I mean, all of this is fascinating to me.
I hope it's fascinating to you as well because what we think we have a solid foundation on
and that is this control, we, in fact, it's an illusion.
It's not even something we can control.
We can't control everything.
We can't control certain aspects of our life yet we think we can, but it has an impact
on our life too.
You know, there's a psychological component of falling prey to this illusion of control.
Well, a little bit of it.
Psychologists believe that a moderate level of the illusion of control can boost our self-esteem
and I can see how that works.
You know, I feel like I'm control.
I do a little winning.
I'm good at what I'm doing.
I'm going to keep doing it.
However, despite boosting your self-esteem and motivation and self-esteem and motivation
and excess belief in your personal control can lead to frustration, disappointment and
stress.
And you guessed it, when outcomes are uncontrollable, going back to my gambler example, when, when,
when, when up start losing.
What happens?
Frustration, desperation, the gambler's dilemma comes into play where I am going to keep playing
until I win back my money and you never win back your money.
If you're a gambler, you know what I'm talking about.
And if you're not a gambler, count your blessings.
And here's another downside to harboring this sense of control all the time.
The illusion can skew risk management leading to poor decisions in critical situations.
As an example, I'll give you for overconfidence in your driving ability might lead to well,
less caution driving on the roads.
Because you're overconfident in your ability to drive, you may relax a little bit more,
not pay attention as much, drive with one hand, speed, you know, get on your cell phone,
text while you drive and thinking, oh, I'm a great driver.
I've been driving for 30 years.
I can do this.
I mean, it can lead to poor decision making.
So the key takeaway is that while control, this illusion of control that we have in moderation
can help boost our self-esteem and our motivation.
However, if we don't take into consideration, if we don't take into consideration, folks,
the risks involved, the unpredictability nature of life itself and events itself, it can lead
to frustration, to anger, to disappointment, and to bad decision making, which can lead
us in all kinds of negative directions.
So when looking at this illusion of control, when looking at a situation where you feel
like you're in control, think about it.
Ask yourself, am I really in control?
Or is there a chance involved in this?
Is it what I'm dealing with?
Is it unpredictable?
Is there a science behind it that's ironclad?
And the chances are, or the odds against that are really slim that there aren't.
But individuals like you and I, as people, we're not the only ones engaged in this illusion
of control.
Wars have started out as a result of the illusion of control.
And we'll talk about that, the historical and philosophical perspectives of this illusion
of control.
Next.
And folks, throughout history, the illusion of control has often led to, well, significant
societal and global events.
Let's take a look at the Great Depression in the United States back in 1929.
This is a result of overconfidence in the stock market, which was fueled by the illusion
of control and led to the reckless investment.
And ultimately, the crash, the market crash, basically impoverishing hundreds of thousands
of citizens in the United States.
And it had a global impact as well.
However, it was the overconfidence in a market that is unpredictable, but they felt they
had this control over the market, which led to this disastrous economic downturn in the
economy leaving tens of thousands of people without work, hungry homes.
It was just, it was just something that could have been avoided had they understood the
unpredictability of the market.
The same thing happened in 2008 with the financial crisis.
I mean, most of us, if not all of us were around for that, we're not, I don't have any
five-year-olds or six-year-olds listening to the show, I hope not.
But the 2008 financial crisis led to another worldwide, not just here in the United States,
but worldwide economic downturn.
And this is because major financial institutions believe they could, they could control the
complex financial instruments like derivatives, which led to the disastrous economic consequences
globally.
Again, thinking you can control something.
See here's the thing, if you ever get a chance, learn about complexity, because large systems
like finances, government, even birds are complex systems.
They basically take a life of their own, and they're very unpredictable.
They're hard to predict.
They move in and out, you know, up and down, good and bad.
They're very unpredictable.
One small miner, it's like driving a vehicle 80 miles an hour on the highway, or 120 kilometers
an hour on the highway.
And you hit a rock and you overcompensate to try to keep the car in control and you lose
control.
But he's a say, operates under the same type of principle.
Everything can be smooth, but one small little hiccup can change the trajectory.
I can say the word trajectory of your original course.
So the same thing happens with the stock market.
You could, you can develop this confidence in the stock market.
The stock market can be going up.
You feel you can control certain financial investment tools or instruments.
But yet one small thing can throw a wrench in the entire process and derail you that
fast.
And that's the unpredictability of it.
And that's where we fail to see as humans and take into account.
And that's where we get this illusion of control, where we think we can control the situation
when we really cannot.
We're playing risk, playing basically Russian roulette, putting you around into a revolver
and spinning it and going, I hope I don't shoot myself.
And that's what happens.
And what about war?
War is the same thing.
You know, let's take a look at Vietnam.
The United States government's belief in military superiority and control over the conflict
led to unforeseen and prolonged engagement in Vietnam.
They, their belief in their superiority.
I mean, the Bay of Pigs invasion was basically mistaken confidence in the ability to control
the outcome of the invasion, which led to their major political and military embarrassment.
And the Bay of Pigs down here in Cuba, back in the 60s.
And what do we see right now in Ukraine?
Russia invading Ukraine.
Putin thought he can go in and resolve this issue that he had, whatever the issue in his
mind was thinking that Ukraine is part of Russia and he wanted to take it over.
He felt he can resolve that in just a few days time, we're over what, a year more than
a year into this war.
And they haven't gained much.
They gained, they lose, they gain, they lose with hundreds of thousands of troops dead.
Again, overconfidence, this illusion of confidence, this illusion in his military, which we found
out that a lot of his men didn't want to fight, you know, which led it to this, to this day,
hundreds of.
I don't know how many people have dead, but tens of thousands of people, civilians have
died as a result of that.
And this again is poor decision making based on this illusion of control that they have
because they have a superior military and they don't.
But this goes to almost any government, this overconfidence in their government.
I think we would get along better as humanity if we weren't overconfident and if we understood
that we don't really have control and that we tried to work with one another and try
to understand and navigate the uncertainties of life itself, I think would be better off.
But I think these historical examples can tie into a philosophical debate about human
agency and human control.
I mean, take Fate versus Free Will.
We did a whole podcast on Free Will.
This whole idea of free will.
So the idea, the philosophical idea that determinism about the philosophical idea of determinism,
this whole concept of determinism, which argues that all events, including our actions, our
human actions are determined by causes external to our will, basically arguing that we perceive
Free Will as an actual illusion.
So we don't even have control over that.
It's all determined, predetermined, then again, if you go to the other side, libertarianism,
which their viewpoint is that humans do possess Free Will, you know, which allows for genuine
control over their decisions, contrasting very sharply with the deterministic view.
So you have two different ideologies in philosophy here about free will and the illusion of control,
whereas determinism basically dictates that everything's predetermined, and it's a result
of external factors and the free will does not exist.
So therefore, you have no control at all to liberal libertarianism where free will exists
and you have total control when you don't have when basically debunking the illusion
of control.
And then there's the modern philosophical perspectives, existentialism, which argues
that humans are condemned to be free, they're responsible for every action, which in itself
is a radical form of control.
And then there's compatibilism.
Again, we talked about this in a previous podcast on free will.
And compatibilism is the theory that reconciles free will with determinism, suggesting that
free will exists and is compatible with determinism, which basically argues that free will is simply
the freedom to act according to one's determinative motives and desires.
So you have different philosophical perspectives on the idea of control through our ability
to have free will or not have free will.
So that's all over the board as well.
That's all over the place too.
So basically the takeaway is that reflecting on how the historical events and philosophical
thoughts challenge our everyday understanding of control.
So the key takeaway here is looking back at the historical events and how philosophical
thought both challenge our everyday understanding of control.
Here it's almost like a struggle.
We do this automatically.
We feel we have control automatically.
If we're going to dive deep into it, then we begin to struggle.
We begin to think, do we have that control?
Do we not have that control?
Is it just an illusion?
Whereas history shows it as an illusion almost because it's overconfidence.
Even when we talk about it in everyday life, like gambling, investments, driving, we have
this overconfidence, this illusion that we can control.
But yet philosophically, some philosophies believe that we do have free will.
We do have control.
Whereas other ones believe that we don't, that there's deterministic events that are
predetermined.
So what is it?
Isn't it?
It gets more confusing.
But I think the bottom line is it comes down to you.
How do you see your ability to control situations?
Do you feel that you're overconfident when you're controlling or trying to control a
situation or you have this sense of control?
How does that make you feel?
Does it empower you to have this sense of control?
And when you go about thinking about control, when you go about thinking about control,
take into consideration the unpredictability of nature itself, the events itself, the situation
in which you're trying to control.
If you could balance the two out, I think you can be successful in your goals.
And what about the control in modern society?
Looking back at history, it's easy.
But what about control nowadays?
Control in the digital age.
Folks, I'm going to tell you, most of you are smart to know this.
And I hope everybody listening is smart to know this.
But the digital age has transformed our perception of control specifically through the use of
technology and the internet.
And let's take the first one, social media.
Social media, I think is like a disease.
I don't even think it's necessary evil, like employees with an company is one boss one
time put it.
His employees are a necessary evil.
Social media, these platforms give users the illusion of control over their social environments
and their self image, basically through their curated profiles and selective sharing.
I mean, on social media, you can be anything, anyone in your life can be dandy.
It can be great.
It can be awesome.
But is it really?
And what about the pressure?
What about the pressure, the psychological impact of this perceived control?
It adds pressure to manage your online personas.
You have to stay on top of that.
And this is why I don't post on social media, unless it's business related.
And I rarely do that too.
It's because you have to create that you have this pressure to live up to this illusion that
you've created for yourself on social media.
And data analytics also plays a heavy role in this illusion of control because it creates
these personalized algorithms that can make you feel like you have more control over your
choices.
But it's all being fed to you folks.
When you're when you're flipping through social media and you stop and look at, let's
say some cute little cats videos.
Next thing you know, you're seeing a bunch of cat videos.
That's not a choice you have.
That's the algorithm saying this is what you like.
This is what we're showing you.
Switch it up a bit.
Watch something else for a little while and you'll see those pop up constantly.
And the same thing if you ever shop from Amazon and it gives you suggestions and then you
pick that suggestion and go, I think I need that.
You feel like you had a choice in that, but really the choice was forced upon you because
you would have never thought about that unless the algorithm decided, hey, they may like
this item too.
And you know what all this leads to folks?
All this digital technology in the excess of use of digital tools that purport to give
you control.
It leads to stress and decision fatigue.
If you're constantly on it, you're constantly trying to update and maintain your persona
and in shopping, you're going to get fatigued, you're going to get stressed.
You're not going to know what decisions to make because you're so tired of making decisions
and you're not really making them because they're forced upon you through the algorithm.
And here's another thing.
If you've never heard of this concept, the paradox of choice.
This is a study by Barry Schwartz who did a research on choice and the abundance of
choice.
So many choices, folks, leads to decision fatigue itself.
But these digital platforms, especially e-commerce stores and the TikTok with its shopping and
its constant pushing out by this, by that, it increases your anxiety.
And again, it increases decision fatigue.
And while the study argues, theoretically, having these options are empowering, it does
lead to greater dissatisfaction and stress because of the increased pressure again to
make the optimal choice.
You're always looking to make the best choice.
But you can't because there's too many choices to make.
You don't really have control over any of that.
And yet you think you do.
And as a result of that illusion of control and the paradox of choice and social media
and technology, you're burning yourself out, folks.
You're burning yourself out.
Here's a study that may not seem like it falls into the illusion of control, but it actually
does the impact of email and messaging on work stress.
They've done some studies on this back in 2008 and explored how constant email interruptions
can lead to increased stress and decreased productivity.
I don't know if you are one of those people that gets an email and has to respond right
away.
I'm going to tell you, I'm not that person.
I used to be that person.
An email would come in, I would have to stop, respond quickly.
It would lead to less productivity by me because I'm sitting there constantly responding to
emails all day long.
I respond two or three times a day of that.
I sit down once in the morning, maybe once in the afternoon, once later on in the evening,
and that's it.
Unless of course I'm expecting something from somebody and they say, hey, I'm sending you
an email on this.
Can you take a look at it?
That's a little different because I have an expectation that that's coming.
I need to give it my attention.
But other than that, just general email, I don't pay attention to.
However, the research has found that the pressure to respond quickly and the disruption caused
by frequent alerts contribute significantly to stress.
Again, decision fatigue because now you've got to decide which ones you're going to respond
to.
Why is this relevant to the illusion of control?
Well, it demonstrates that the downside of digital tools that are designed to enhance
communication and control overwork tasks.
And why is this relevant to the illusion of control?
Well, it demonstrates the downside of digital tools that are designed to enhance communication
and control overwork tasks.
Because those digital tools take away from your ability to do other things such as work,
illusion that you're in control of your work and your communication.
And then you have workplace dynamics, this control work and control.
There's an illusion of the illusion of control manifests in the workplace settings, basically
affecting everything from project management to employee relationships.
I mean, you have leaders.
There's different leadership styles that deal with control.
There's the autocratic leader.
How many people have worked for an autocratic leader that enforces strict control and believing
that this strict control leads to efficiency?
I don't think it does.
I've worked with a few autocratic leaders and all it does is it pisses people off.
It demotivates them, devalues them, and you have a high turnover rate.
But yet they have this sense, this feeling that this total control leads to productivity
and it doesn't.
Then you have the opposite.
You have a democratic leaders that offer more autonomy, basically, and they foster a shared
illusion of control among team members.
So now we have a shared level of illusion of control by everybody.
So everybody thinks they're in control when nobody really is in control.
I'm sorry, I find that fascinating.
But there is research.
There is research that shows that employees who feel they have more control over their
work and their schedules tend to be happier and more productive.
So if you can create a democratic leadership style within your organization and give people
this illusion of control over their working environment and working conditions, they tend
to be happier and more productive.
There are many studies out that show that versus autocratic leadership where everything
is controlled, taking that away from the employee.
So an illusion of control in this sense is good, even though they may not be able to
control everything in a work environment because there's so many different factors that need
to come into play.
Like decision makers need to get involved.
If a decision needs to be made, finance, you know, a whole host of other reasons.
But yet you give them this sense of control.
Your people tend to be happier and they become more productive because they feel like they're
empowered.
They have some say, some skin in the game, so to speak.
And then there's control in relationships.
Oh boy, that's a loaded one.
I mean, people need, have this need for control that can shape their personal relationships,
potentially leading to dynamics of dominance and dependency.
How many people do you know in relationships that dominate their relationship?
You might be that person.
Or maybe you're the person who is dependent because someone has dominated you in a relationship.
I mean, the old traditional, the man is a breadwinner and a woman stays at home is that
kind of a dynamic, that illusion of control where the man controls the household and the
woman just does what he says.
That's like old school thinking.
That's archaic.
But yet that's a big part of controlling relationships.
And it still happens today, today, and many cultures around the world and control even
affects communication within relationships.
For example, you know, one of the partner may dominate decisions influencing everything
from daily plans to life choices, which can lead to what?
Resentment and conflict.
How many times have you argued or you've known people argued or your parents have argued
because one, maybe your dad or maybe the man is trying to invoke control over a situation
with the woman.
Like this is what we're going to do and that's it.
I think if you're looking for an unhealthy relationship in anything, whether it be a
work or personal, then go ahead and exert that, uh, exert that control.
But if you want to, if you want to have a healthy relationship and healthy interactions,
balance control, learn to give and take understanding that this whole illusion of control doesn't
work in a relationship successfully most of the time.
I can't say all of the time, but most of the time, and that's because one person's always
going to be submissive or subordinate to the one that's in control and that leads to conflict
and that leads to anger, resentment.
So to have a healthier relationship, you want to foster mutual respect and compromise within
the relationship, avoiding that, that sense of need for control because it really is an
illusion, you're not really in control because you're dealing with another human being who
has feelings and who will react to those feelings, which will derail the relationship.
So as we've seen so far, the illusion of control pervades various aspects of our modern life,
from our digital interactions to workplace dynamics in our personal relationships.
This illusion of control has a, can have a detrimental impact on all of these on us psychologically,
but the thing about consider where you might be seeking control and unhealthy ways.
Think about this here in your daily life.
How are you seeking control and unhealthy ways and recognize this and recognizing this
illusion of control that you have in these areas may improve your interactions and your
well-being.
Think about it.
Think a survey or analyze or jot down daily where you think you're exhibiting this illusion
of control on other people in your relationships and ask yourself, if I approach this differently,
if I took into consideration the other person understanding that I can't control the situation
because there's other dynamics involved, would I have a better outcome?
Would my life be more peaceful?
Would everyone be more harmonious together?
These are some things to think about.
When I come back, folks, we're going to talk about how to cope with the illusion of control,
ways to deal with it.
When you feel like you want to control and you're getting frustrated because you're not
in control, we're going to talk about that when we come back.
Okay, folks.
So listen, we all deal with this here illusion of control where we think we're in control
when we're really not, but we have this illusion that we are.
And when we continue to persist with this illusion of control, it can end up causing
us all kinds of mental health psychological issues, frustration, anger, resentment, making
poor decisions, which can ultimately lead to loss of finances and maybe marriages and
what have you.
Those are some extreme cases, but it happens.
It happens daily.
And if you're in government, it could lead to war or financial collapse.
So how do we deal with this here?
First of all, understand and accept that not everything is within your control.
Okay, that's the first step.
Understanding that not everything is within your control and some strategies for releasing
controls.
The first thing is prioritization.
Learn to differentiate between what you can control and what you cannot, meaning focus
on influencing areas that genuinely depend on your actions and then delegate.
There are benefits of trusting others to handle tasks, basically relieving the burden
of needing to control every outcome on you.
Share the wealth.
You know, spread the joy, make everybody else happy, give them some tasks to do.
So this way you don't feel like you have to control the situation.
I have a boss that feels like she has to control every situation.
That's not a good thing always because it leads to frustration, especially on the employees
and an acceptance exercise for accepting this need to let go of control.
Here's a simple exercise.
Write down your worries and physically let them go.
And you do this by tearing up the paper.
This is like a symbolic gesture to release control.
So basically you're jotting down your worries about having to control and then you're tearing
up that piece of paper.
Reason that is a symbolic gesture of releasing control.
It works for some people.
You might try it.
You might like it.
It might be effective for you.
And then there's mindfulness folks.
Again, this is something that we hear all the time and it really does work.
It really does help with keeping yourself focused, keeping yourself calm and realizing
that you don't have control over everything and that's okay.
Just control what you can and be mindful about the rest and let it go.
And then there's cognitive flexibility folks.
I mean this is, to me this is probably one of the most important ones.
Your ability to adjust your thinking and expectations in the face of new information or unforeseen
circumstances.
Stay cognitively flexible folks.
It's not, don't be so rigid and try new routines.
Be open to different outcomes and learn from each experience.
Basically adapt your behavior.
And another way to shed yourself of this illusion of control or this need for control is to
build resilience.
And you could do this by setting realistic goals for yourself.
You know, developing a support network and developing a positive mindset set to cope
with and recover from setbacks folks.
Because you're going to have them, you're going to fail, you're going to have setbacks.
You can't control everything.
Learn to understand that and build a resilience towards it.
And I would encourage you to practice these strategies in very, very small increments.
You know, do it daily.
You know, pick one, do it daily.
This will help you better cope with this illusion of control and the frustration that comes
with it when you can't control everything.
So what did we learn so far today?
We basically delved into the psychological origins of this illusion of control and how
it plays out in historical society and wars and financial ruins.
And specifically in the digital age nowadays with social media, you know, everyone feels
like they need to control this perception of themselves constantly updating their social
media feeds and then workplace and personal relationships.
And we've learned that while feeling the feeling of control can be comforting, it's often more
a psychological construct than a reality.
And if we recognize this, we can free us free ourselves from unnecessary stress and begin
to open us up to a more genuine interactions with the world around us with the people around
us.
And I want to encourage you to take a moment this week to consider where you might be holding
on too tightly, folks.
Ask yourself this, in which areas of my life could letting go of control actually increase
my peace and fulfillment because embracing uncertainty, folks can be a powerful step
towards living a more balanced, inauthentic life.
And with that, I want to thank you for joining me today on Life Unscripted.
It's been a great journey through the intricate landscapes of control and acceptance.
And I hope, and I really do hope that you've found Bible insights to carry into your own
lives.
And remember, the only constant in life is change and sometimes the best control is knowing
when to let go.
Until next time, keep navigating the unpredictability of life with curiosity and courage.
I'm Allen Stafford and you've been listening to Life Unscripted.