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Here's a question for you. Is lying bad? I mean, I'm only laughing because it's a silly question in

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my mind because we all lie, right? So is lying bad or is it always bad? And I know that there's

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probably going to be people out there that say it's not always bad. But what if it's a necessary

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tool for our own survival if we have to lie? Hmm. And then the question to you, I ask is,

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have you ever told a white lie to avoid hurting anyone's feelings? Could have been your kids,

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your spouse, your bosses, a stranger? Or better yet, have you exaggerated the truth to get ahead

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at work? That's a good one. In today's episode of Unscripted Life, the podcast that confronts you

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with the hard truth that life has no script and much of what you've been taught is an illusion.

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We're diving into the complex world of lying. We'll explore why we lie when it's considered

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acceptable, how to detect lies and moral and philosophical implications of deception. I'm

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your host Allen Stafford. Join me as we explore human deception.

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Hmm. Boy, do I have a show for you? Or should I say boy or girl or non-binary? Do I have a show

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for you? I've got to be inclusive here, folks. I got to include everybody. And I don't know who

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to call what nowadays. So I'm just going to throw it all out there. But it's going to be an interesting

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show. And here's why. Because it's something that we engage in. And we're going to learn that it's a

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part of our biological, neurological makeup. And it's also something we do for various reasons.

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In this first segment on the psychology of lying, we're going to take a look at

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psychological reasons, evolutionary reasons, why we lie and the different types of lies that we

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have named that we engage in as a species. And you'll find that even animals lie. Yes, it's true.

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But they don't lie like we do. I mean, they don't come up and say, hey, Peter,

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can't tell your cotton tail looks very fluffy today. I like it when it really doesn't. That's

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not the kind of lie I'm talking about. So where do I begin when it comes to discussing the concept

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or the topic of lying? There's just so much to cover. I mean, I think we're lied to on various

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levels throughout our life every day, every second sometimes. I mean, from government down to family

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members, down to the media to marketing, everything can be construed as a lie at some point.

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And the question I have of you is why do you think people lie? What is your perception of why you

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think people lie? I'll tell you why. There's a whole host of reasons. I mean, have you ever thought

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about why a person lies or perhaps why you lied? And yes, you do. Don't say I don't lie, because

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then that would be a lie itself, right? That would be the first lie you told today if this is the

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first thing in the morning for you. But we're going to find out why people lie. At least we're

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going to talk about some of the reasons behind their their lying. I don't know every reason. And I don't

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know that psychology knows every reason. But I'm going to give you some of the major reasons why

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people lie. And the first one up is self preservation, which makes a lot of sense, right? We want to

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preserve ourselves. We want to protect ourselves from negative consequences. And I think this might

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be perhaps the most common lie, especially amongst kids and even adults. But I think kids engage in

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this a lot. I definitely did as a kid, especially if you have parents who don't want to listen to

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reason who react with their amygdala right away without rationalizing anything and staying calm,

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they might have low emotional intelligence, so to speak. And so as a kid, you have to lie in

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order to preserve yourself. You want to maybe avoid punishment or embarrassment or the emotional

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pain that you might feel based on the repercussion that your parents are giving you for the lie.

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You know, you might get a spanking. And imagine for a moment that your spouse is hotheaded or they

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lose control or they they snap real quick anytime you come to them with a truth. So what do you do

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in that case? You want to preserve yourself, right? You want to preserve your emotions, you want to

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reduce the negative consequences that you're going to feel from your significant other. So you

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lie. But what happens when you lie and then you get caught in a lie that that admit that I think

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that makes it worse. I remember as a kid, I had to I had to preserve myself quite often because my

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mom would lose her mind. And I don't mean, you know, literally lose her mind, but she would lose

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her mind if I lied about anything. But if I told the truth, she would equally lose her mind. So it

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was like, I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. So you can only imagine the amount of stress

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that that a little kid feels going into a situation where they have to, you know, try to wiggle their

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way out, get real creative on how they're going to get out of the situation. And it was never,

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never good. The ending was never good, whether I lied or told the truth. So it was going to suffer

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some sort of consequence. So but that's why the majority of people that I shouldn't say the

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majority, that's why a lot of people lie, you know, to, to avoid those consequences, you know,

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whether you're a child or an adult, even an employee, I've had employees lie to me. Let me

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tell you a real quick story about that. Managing a marketing department, I had a marketing specialist

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who handled email marketing. And so what I would do is set schedules based on when they told me

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they can have a certain task completed or a certain campaign completed. So basically, they were

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owning their own campaigns, their own deadlines. Well, whenever I would see that an email wasn't

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prepared, I would ask, well, where's the email? And then the response would be, Oh, I'm working on

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it right now, have it in a few minutes. But I would go and check the email program and find

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that nothing's even been started. It's just there's nothing there. And then I check five minutes later

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or 10 minutes later, then he's just starting. So that's a lie in my book. But he would do that

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for self preservation reasons, because he did not want to get in trouble. I'm not a person that's

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going to yell at you or getting, or getting your face if you lie, just tell me the truth. And we're

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good. We'll figure it out. We'll figure out what the problem is, and we'll fix the problem. We'll

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just keep moving forward. I'm all about failing forward, learn from your mistakes. You don't need

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to lie about it. But I saw the stress and angst in this employee's eyes. And I told him finally,

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I said, Hey, listen, if you didn't get it done, you didn't get it done, just tell me, you don't

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need to be stressed. Not about this here. We can work something out. Well, in the end, he was fired.

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But that's a dull different reason. We also lie for self esteem to enhance our self esteem. I'm

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sure you probably know somebody. And if you don't consider yourself lucky. I had a friend growing

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up who would always lie about people he knew when he didn't know them. I remember, and if you're my

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aide, you'll remember the singer back in the 80s. Her name was Tiffany. And I don't know if she had a

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last name or not, but she was popular for a few years or a year or so. And he would have this

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poster on her wall and he took a picture of it had a wallet size print made put it in his wallet.

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And then we'll try to convince me that his girlfriend, that's his girlfriend. And then he

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would wave at all the cops. And I would say, why are you waving at the cops? He goes, Oh, well,

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they're my friends. I know them. When he didn't know them. He basically was trying to enhance

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his own image, his own self esteem, because he unfortunately suffered low self esteem,

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as I found out later on in life. But, you know, some people do lie for that. You probably know

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some people who exaggerate their achievements, you know, especially on a resume or a job,

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you might work with a boss or know somebody who just sits on brags about stuff that they really

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haven't done. So, you know, we lie for, we lie to enhance our self esteem to make us look better.

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Also social desirability. I mean, lying can be motivated by a desire to fit in or be liked by

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others. I've known people who lied just to fit into a crowd. And I'm like, what, you didn't do that.

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Like, quiet. I'm like, no, you didn't do that. Why would you tell them that?

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Lying for social desirability also includes white lies to avoid hurting someone's feelings in order

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to maintain harmony in their relationships. And I know you guys know what that is. If your wife or

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your husband comes up to you, especially your wife, because hey, do I look fat? You know, that old

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adage, do I look fat? And you're like, oh, no, honey, you look fine. Perfect. I love you the way you are.

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Right. But no, I'm serious. We do these white lies for social desirability in order to preserve

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someone else's feelings to keep that harmony. We don't want to fight. You know, I don't want to

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argue with people all day long about stupid stuff. So I'm always like, yeah, yeah, you look good.

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Oh, yeah, that's great. Oh, that's fine on you. Manipulation. Manipulation. I mean, that's probably

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one of the big things, especially in politics and business, especially in marketing, to manipulate

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your mind. We're always battling or people are always battling for space in your mind. You occupy

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your mind to influence you. And that's through manipulation. And that's another reason people

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lie. And they do it for personal gain, whether it be financial, social or anything else, love,

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you know, sex, you name it. People try to manipulate for various reasons. And as I said,

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manipulation or the deceit goes on in personal relationships, business, and specifically

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politics, we're seeing it right now in this country. We're seeing, we're seeing deceit on both sides.

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It's not just one side. I'm not here to make a judgment call on that because I don't know who's

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lying about what, but I'm telling you there's lying on both sides to manipulate the masses

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to get what they want. And they want to be the most powerful person in the world. And they're

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doing whatever they have to do. And that includes manipulating the masses.

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And that would be you and me, part of the masses, but I'm not buying it. So, and then avoiding conflict.

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That can go along the terms of white lies. How many times have you lied to avoid a conflict?

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I do it all the time. Because what happens is 99% of the time I can care less about one side

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or the other on a point of view, because I understand everything's relative and pretty

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much everything's subjective. So if one person has a strong opinion on something, and again,

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let's say politics, it doesn't matter to me because I'm not going to change their mind. I'm not

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looking to change their mind. They're trying to change my mind, but I want to avoid the conflict,

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you know, especially in difficult conversations, which is typically, you know, politics, religion,

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maybe even sex or finances, people just don't want to get involved with those conversations.

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And so we lie to avoid, you know, any repercussion or judgment we would feel from that other person.

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But one of the telltale signs that someone is trying to avoid a conversation or trying to avoid

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a discussion, lying about it is like saying, oh, yeah, you're right, you're right. So if someone's

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arguing with you and you go, yeah, you're right, you're right. And it's kind of a brush off. You

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might try to try to find a different approach on that. But then another thing about avoiding conflict

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and why we do it is, you know, for example, we might claim to agree with someone's opinion,

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even if you don't, just to avoid that confrontation, think about it for a moment,

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go back in time. Maybe it was yesterday, maybe it was a minute ago, maybe it was a year ago.

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Can you remember a time when you just agreed with someone to avoid any type of conflict?

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I do it all the time. And I'm going to be upfront and honest about it. I do it all the time,

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because like I said earlier, a few moments ago, people have strong opinions about various ideologies

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on this planet, you know, in society. And as a result, if you go against their ideology,

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their thinking, religion, politics, freedom, marriage, whatever it is, they're going to snap

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at you. They're not going to know how to self-regulate. They're not going to know how to keep things calm

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and have an intellectual conversation. They're just going to lose their mind. So it's better

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to lie about it. Yeah, you know what? I agree with you. We should do that. Or I agree with you. I

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like that thinking. I think the same way type of stuff. How many times have you done that?

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Do you probably have done that several times, if not more than that? You might have just done it,

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you know, several times in the last few days, especially nowadays, if you're in the U.S.

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Heck, you might even be outside of the U.S. And, you know, maybe in Belgium or Germany or something,

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and you're doing the same thing with family members or friends there just to get along.

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So there's a whole host of reasons why we lie. So it's not that we don't lie. So when someone

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says I don't lie, let's just go ahead and say, well, that's a lie in itself, because we all do.

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I mean, let's face it, we all do lie. And then we're going to get into why. I mean,

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well, some of the reasons, psychological reasons why, but we're also going to get into

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when is it appropriate to lie? Because there are times, I think, that are that are appropriate to

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lie. And one of them is when you're telling your significant other, you look really good when you

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don't think they do. So if we if we take a look, if we take a deep look at why we actually lie,

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there's evolutionary reasons for that. And one is for survival and reproduction. And you may not

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see this as a lie, but it really is because it's deception, it's deceiving another party. I mean,

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lying itself from an evolutionary standpoint can be a survival mechanism. Because what it does

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is the deception basically helps individuals protect themselves and their offspring or their

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family from threats. For example, animals, animals, they use deception such as camouflage,

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how many animals do you know that use camouflage, there's plenty of fish in the sea,

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you know, figuratively and literally, but there's plenty of fish in the sea that lie or camouflage

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themselves, even animals, chameleons, the lizard, you know, camouflages itself in order to evade its

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predator. Some of them fake death. I figure what animal it was that rolls over and pretends like

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they're dead. There's a few of them just to avoid it. What do they tell you? What do they tell you

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when you come up against the bear? And I'm not even sure this is the right advice, but they tell you

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to play dead, right? I don't know. I think I would just try to run and knock everybody outside of my

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way as long as I'm the fastest runner. I'm good, right? But my point is that, you know, even from

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human standpoint, people have faked their death, deceived their shooters in order to survive,

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whether you're in combat or in an unfortunate situation at a movie theater or wherever.

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And you may not think this, but social cohesion to people, social co-soap,

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say that five times fast, social cohesion, we lie in order to be part of a group by flattering

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people. How many times have you walked in and said to your boss, Hey, you look at today and you're

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just really ingratiating, you're just lying to them. Hey, you look really good. Oh, I really

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like what you talked about in that meeting the other day. Or, you know, you go to a friend, hey,

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you did really good, maybe not even a friend in an acquaintance. Hey, I really liked what you did

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with your yard or your car or something. When it's really, you know, it's BS, right? But you're

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just lying in order to kind of blend in and bond and build that cohesive connection with them.

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You know, we do that too from time to time. And deception can provide a competitive advantage

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in the struggle for resources, like, you know, hoarding water and lying about it or the toilet

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paper, the toilet paper during COVID-19. And I don't have any toilet paper when you walk inside

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the garage is filled with toilet paper. I'm not giving you any. But, you know, it might be for

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social status, they want to preserve their social status, or maybe they want to,

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you know, secure a mate. And so they use, you know, deception in order to have a little bit

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of a competitive advantage over their peers. And I'll give you an example, and especially in mating

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situations, both in human and animals, you know, in mating scenarios, people or individuals might

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exaggerate their qualities or resources to attract partners, go on a dating website, see how many of

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these guys out there are sitting in a private jet, sitting in front of a Ferrari, you know,

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looking, wearing Armani, all these here fictional reality, you know, branded items to make them look

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and present themselves as wealthy when they're really nothing. I actually knew a guy who would do

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that, who had claimed to be a businessman that flew around the world. And he had several women in

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different cities across the US by doing that. Because he was a trucker, a trucker of all things.

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And there's nothing wrong with being a trucker. Let me tell you, I appreciate truckers because they

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get product from point A to point B. But he wasn't a jet set and executive on a Lear jet or his own

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private jet. But he was lying, he was deceiving people. So I think what we can do is take away

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from the evolutionary reasons why we lie is that it's really ingrained into our human nature,

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into our biology about lying. So it's nothing that we, you know, there's, we're going to touch on some

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philosophical and religious perspectives online. But those are all manmade creations in order to

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keep people from lying. But when you'll take a look at it, and we've just looked at some of the

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evolutionary reasons, we lie because it's part of who we are as a species, and it's not just humans.

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Other species do it. They may not be trying to flatter one another, like you got some big antlers,

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baby. But, but the bottom line is, you know, they do it for survival reasons, for survival reasons,

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for resource reasons, and such. Okay, folks, the checks in the mail. Just kidding. I love that one.

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That's a nice little white lie. That's, that's one of the types of lies that we tell people. And

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we've talked about that just a few moments ago, white lies. They're a little minor lies in order

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to avoid, you know, hurting someone's feelings. Or even, you know, when you say the checks in the mail,

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what is that doing for you? That's buying you some time, right? Let's say you owe somebody,

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and you tell them, hey, the checks, I don't know if you can do that nowadays, but back in the 70s

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and 80s, you can say the checks in the mail, it's got to get, you know, take a few days to get there.

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Not like this here, one day, two day turnaround time that you have with priority mail.

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So it would take a little while to get there. And then you would buy yourself some float time.

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And then you would go get the money and put it in your bank account. Hopefully, if you weren't

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being even more deceptive about lying about sending them the money. And another one of my

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favorite ones is I'm on my way. Hey, I'm guilty of that one. I mean, I will, I will be in the house

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calling my wife, hey, I'm on the way to the restaurant. I'll be there in a few minutes.

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And I haven't even dressed myself yet. But it buys me some time. But these are little white lies.

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I mean, yeah, she knows I'm probably not on my way because she can track me. But the bottom line is,

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you know, we say these things. And another one of my favorites is it's not you, it's me.

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But the blame on yourself, you know, kind of softens the blow to the other person when the

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other person really is the problem to you. But, you know, they, you don't want them to feel bad.

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So you say, well, that's really me. So we're going to end this relationship soon. I mean,

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we can go on and on and on about white lies. But, you know, you get it. I know you get it because

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you're involved in white lies all the time, just like myself. And I know that's pretty bold of me

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to say that you're involved. But look at, we can argue about this all day long. The bottom line is,

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it's going to come back to you're involved in white lies, just like I am. And there's nothing wrong

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with that. I mean, not saying anything wrong or bad about lying. I know that we have the stigma

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of lying. But we'll talk about when is it appropriate to lie and doing a white lie to preserve

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someone's feelings? I don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as it's done with tact.

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And you do it with, you know, care and not be malicious about it. It's when you become malicious

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or overly deceitful in order to manipulate someone to gain up to gain something from them.

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And they lose something in that. And I think that's when it's wrong to lie. But telling a little white

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lie and maybe exaggeration, if it's telling, so another, another type of lies, exaggeration and

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exaggeration can be in my book bad. But, but sometimes people use exaggeration to sell a point,

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politicians use it all the time, exaggeration. But I don't know that it's really good in that

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situation. What do you think you think being a politician and exaggerating about a situation

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that's really not as bad as it looks is bad? I think it can cause harm because it incites

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because it incites people. And then another type of lie, which is probably the one in which most

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philosophy and most religion frown upon. And that is deceit, just pure deceit. And deceit basically

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involves deliberately providing, you know, false information

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with the intent to mislead or manipulate others. It would be, it would be equal to,

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let's say a call center calling you, how about these guys from India that call in and tell you

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that your computer has a virus or that your PayPal account is overdrawn or something along

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that line? That's, that's the seat phone getting these unsuspecting people to send them money.

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Even the lonely heart scam is very deceitful and where a guy or woman

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who tends to like you online and then they suck money from you without the intention

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of ever meeting you or being with you. And that happens all the time. That is as old as man itself

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that, that deceit, the lonely heart, you know, deceptive move. And so that's, that's the kind of

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wrong, wrong type of deception be involved with. I wouldn't be involved with any deception. If I

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can avoid it, you know, again, if it comes down to survival, that, that, that becomes a moral question.

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If it comes down to survival, would you lie? Would you be deceitful to others in order to survive?

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If you had to eat, would you lie? And I'm not talking about telling a white lie or embellishing

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and, you know, exaggerating, I'm talking about being flat out deceitful and dishonest to gain

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food without paying for it to survive or medicine. These are some age old dilemmas that have been

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discussed in philosophical and law classes from time, you know, over and over again.

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Think about that question. I'm not saying I wouldn't. I'm not saying I would. It would have to depend

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on the circumstance, but would you, I certainly know people in high positions that would do that.

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I mean, I don't know them personally. I'm talking about, you know, remember Nixon, and if you don't

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remember Nixon, and if you don't remember Nixon, if you read history books, Richard Nixon, the

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former president, basically involved in the cover up on the Watergate scandal. I mean, that was

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deceit, but he did the right thing. He stepped down. He didn't continue the lie. He says,

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I am not a crook. And then I resign, you know, Bill Clinton, after his affair with Monica

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Lewinsky, you know, Lance Armstrong, who adamantly denied doping ended up saying he doped.

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Saying he doped. What a deceitful lie. I mean, that's, that's fooling the public. That didn't do

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him any good. Did it. Martha Stewart about her insider trading. I mean, there's a whole host

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of people who were very deceitful in order to gain personally from their lies. So we don't have a

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shortage of that anywhere on this planet. I don't think it's right. But again, there are times when,

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you know, you do it and you get away with it. There are times you do it and you don't get away

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with it. These people didn't get away with it. But I'm sure there's a lot of people that I don't

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know. I can guarantee you that has gotten away with it. So what's the big takeaway for this segment

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is that we engage in lying on a daily basis. And there's various reasons we lie. And lying

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isn't something that we decide we're going to go do. It's evolutionary. It's part of who we are

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for various reasons, you know, survival, you know, to be, to belong, to feel connected,

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to impress other people, or to manipulate if we're deceitful people. So lying is part of a,

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is part of who we are as a species. But does that make it ethically and morally right?

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That's the question that a lot of people struggle with is on the morality and ethical part of lying.

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And that's why religion and philosophy have a say in this. And we're going to talk about that

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right when we come back. Now that we have a basic understanding of what lying is, why we lie,

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the different, and the different types of lies that we make, even the fact that all species,

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well, not all species, many species lie. We're going to turn our heads, we're going to turn our minds,

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we're going to turn our minds over to the ethical and the moral side of lying.

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We're going to take a look at also the philosophical and religious implications and what they say about

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lying. But first, morality, what is morality? Let's understand that first. And I know that you've

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heard morality, you know, it's like he doesn't have morals or she doesn't have morals or he's very

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moral. So morality basically refers to the set of principles or rules that concern right or wrong

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behavior in humans. I don't know that we can get into every species on morality because other

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species just don't have the consciousness to understand morality. So we're just going to refer

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this to humans for anyone who might be thinking I'm talking about other species. Morality refers

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to, again, like I said, the principles or rules for what's right or wrong. But the question is,

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who decides the morality? You see, when you have a civilized society, you have to find, you have

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to have a set of rules in order to function where everyone gets along and everyone can coexist

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and live a happy life. And part of that is developing morals for that society, whether it be,

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you know, a small group of villagers to a large nation like the US or even the Soviet Union or

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Russia, I should say. So morality basically is concerned about what's right or wrong. Now ethics,

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on the other hand, is a philosophical study of morality. It involves a systematic analysis

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and evaluation of moral principles, values and rules. So ethics basically seeks to understand

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and explain why certain actions are deemed right or wrong. So ethics concerns itself

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with why something's right or wrong and morality concerns itself with what is right or wrong.

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Sounds like a bunch of hoopla to me. But seriously, so we have to go back and ask ourselves,

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why does this matter? You see, because morality and ethics is really contingent upon your own

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belief system. It comes down to what you believe in a Christian, a Muslim, a Jewish person,

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Buddhist, a pagan, they're all going to have different views of morality, morality, even

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though there is a common thread of morality throughout all religions, they're going to be,

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they're going to vary across different religions, even within cultures that are not religious,

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people that are not religious that live within society or different cultures

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will have a different set of morality. So when it comes down to what we're talking about is,

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I'm not talking about a universal principle that's been cosmically written by the universe and saying,

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this is the way it is. This is what man has created, man has said, this is what's moral,

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this is what works for our community, this is what works for our belief, or our country, or

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culture, or whatever. And we're going to abide by this, and we're going to get everyone to abide

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by this here. And if they break the moral code, we're going to, there's going to be consequences,

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whether it be in incarceration, whether it be gossiping about them, trying to oust them from

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our society, condemning them, or whatever the consequences might be. So I just wanted to give

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you a little bit of that background so you understand that this isn't some sort of universal

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principle across all of humanity. This is something that's decided upon as a culture, as a religion,

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you know, as a philosophical ideology. So whatever you believe in, that's great.

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But I want you to come to me, I want you to come with the understanding that

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it's open to interpretation. There is no set rule for morality, even though

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there is a common thread across, you know, different, different belief systems and different

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cultures. So what we'll do is we'll start off with philosophical debates on online.

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So turning our minds towards a philosophical understanding of line, we're going to take

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a look at Kantian ethics and utilitarianism ethics online. So Kantianism born goes back

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to Immanuel Kant in the 1700s. He was a German born philosopher who argued that line is always

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morally wrong, regardless of the circumstances, which is interesting. I want you to keep that

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in mind because some religions and philosophies allow, they allow for some line. But within the

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Kantian ethics or philosophy, there are no circumstances that allow for line, which is

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interesting, because it goes against the fiber of human nature. We've already seen that line as

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part of our human nature, as part of who we are. And it goes all the way back to the beginning

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of man. And so Immanuel Kant believed that, you know, basically we have a moral duty to tell the

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truth because line undermines the respect and dignity owed to all individuals. And again,

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we're getting into words, which are ideas or ideologies that are predicated on what you believe

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in. So you may not necessarily believe in that ideology. So there is no, again, I'm going to

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emphasize no universal rule or law on morals or ethics. It's just what a group of society or group

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of people have decided that that's what it's going to be. And so Kant's own belief is that

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there is a moral duty to tell the truth, because line itself undermines any respect and dignity

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owed to all individuals, which I mean, it's a utopian way of looking at things, right? Sure,

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it would be great if nobody lied, but lying serves a purpose in several situations, as we'll see,

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for the mere fact that lying helps perpetuate survival with many species, even human species.

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I mean, right there, it tells me that Kant does not understand that lying is inherently a genetic

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right. It is part of who we are as humans. It is part of who we are as a species. So it comes down

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to Kant stating that one should act only according to maxims that can be universally applied.

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So basically, in other words, you should only do something if you believe everyone should do it.

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So the question is, if you lied, think about this for a second, if you lied, you think everybody

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else should lie? I mean, that's a good question. I mean, according to Kant and Kantian ethics,

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yeah, I mean, sure, if I lied, everybody should lie. But then again, we would have a very deceitful

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society under that kind of mentality, under that kind of ideology. And then there's utilitarianism.

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This is an ethical theory that evaluates the morality of actions based on their consequences.

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The central idea behind utilitarianism is that the right action is the one that maximizes overall

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happiness and minimizes suffering. Again, it's very self-explanatory. Utilitarianism believes that

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morality's action is based on consequences, and that the central idea is that the correct action,

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the action to be taken, is the one that gives you the most happiness and reduces suffering to the

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least amount. And you've heard of the greatest good for the greatest number, and that basically

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sums up utilitarianism. So utilitarianism believes that lying is not inherently wrong.

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The moral value of a lie depends on, well, basically, its outcome, right? So we go back to,

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you know, if a lie is, if a lie results in greater overall happiness or less harm, it can be considered

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morally acceptable. I can buy into that ideology. Again, it goes back to a white lie,

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if I'm going to protect somebody, I'm going to tell a white lie, according to a utilitarianist,

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that would be an acceptable lie. Whereas Kantian would not accept that lie because there is never

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a reason to lie unless everyone is going to lie. And again, folks, this isn't a lecture on which way

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to think or believe. This is just an open discussion on the different viewpoints of lying,

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because it really comes down to the morality and ethics in which you subscribe to. If you are a

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Christian, if you are a Muslim, if you are a Buddhist, a Jewish, a pagan, if you are an atheist,

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agnostic, it doesn't matter because it comes down to what you believe in, what you believe is in

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right or wrong. But the consequence of that, the consequence of not following along with the common

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good of society or what the common morality of the society is, is that you might end up being an

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outcast and you might end up in prison, depending on the lie that you make. So these are some of

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the consequences. It doesn't mean you have to follow everyone's morality. I believe that you

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can follow your own morality, write your own ethics, but you have to be prepared to suffer the

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consequences if it does not fit within the realm of that culture, that society or that group's

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morality and ethics. That's a tough pill to swallow. I mean, I've marched to the beat of my own drum,

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but I still have to play the game within society. So, you know, there's things I can and cannot do

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within society if I want to get along and be part of that group. Does it mean is it compromising

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myself? I don't think so. I think I'm just playing the game. It's the same thing I tell everybody,

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play the game. It doesn't compromise who you are, just play the game because life is one big game,

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right? So if you have to play the moral game or the ethical game, in order to survive,

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there's nothing wrong with that. Just play the game. And then there's religious teachings online

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because religion is a doctrine that teaches people how to live their life in a certain way.

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Basically, I would call it a rulebook for how to live your life morally and ethically according

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to the scripture or the guidance, the directions within their, their Bibles or their books. And

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if you take a look at all religions, they generally condemn lying. You have in Christianity the 10

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commandments that include the directive, thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. And

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that's Exodus 2016 or Proverbs 12 22 that states, the Lord detests lying lips, but the heat, but

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he delights in people who are trustworthy. And even Jesus emphasized the importance of telling

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truth. And John 8 44, he refers to Satan as the father of lies highlighting the association of

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lying with evil. And again, we can get to hold, get into a whole discussion on what evil is in

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00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:13,920
their history and origin of that prior to Jesus. That's a different podcast. But the point I'm

374
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trying to make here is that even in religion, even in Islam, you know, in the Quran condemns lying,

375
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:22,640
basically stating and do not mix the truth with falsehood or conceal the truth while you know

376
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:28,640
it, because honesty and truthfulness are highly valued traits in Islam. But again, so let's take

377
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:37,360
a look at this, whose honesty and whose truthfulness, because if you take a look at Islam, especially

378
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:41,840
the radicals who are fighting in the name of Allah and the name of their their Quran, their

379
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:48,880
teachings, that is directly opposed to Western ideology. But they believe they're fighting for

380
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:56,000
the truth. So it's their truth, right? And we're lying. But then we think we're telling the truth

381
00:35:56,000 --> 00:36:02,240
in their line. So we have this clash, this moral and ethical clash of cultures here. And who's right

382
00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:07,200
in the end, who is right about this? I don't think anybody's right. I think, I think each and every

383
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:13,040
person is right. And they're wrong. They're right for their own lives. But they're wrong for the

384
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:17,760
culture in which they live. And if they go against the cultural norms, if you can, if you can follow

385
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:24,240
me on that one. I mean, and then you have Buddhism, Buddhism and Buddhism, it emphasizes the right

386
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:29,920
speech, which includes abstaining from lying. The Noble Eightfold Path guides Buddhist towards,

387
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:35,600
you know, the ethical conduct and mental development of the person. And one of the Buddhist Five

388
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:42,080
precepts, which is basically your ethical guidelines for Buddhist is to abstain from false

389
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:47,120
speech. Yeah, try telling that to a politician. I guess we don't have too many Buddhist politicians

390
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:51,440
out there, do we? Or actually practicing Buddhist politicians who follow that.

391
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:56,160
We would have everybody tell them the truth. Maybe they're all telling the truth and we just

392
00:36:56,160 --> 00:37:00,880
think it's a lie. I mean, have you ever thought of that? You know, and then there's Hinduism,

393
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:09,360
Judaism, Confucianism, all of these, all of these here have central tenets that lying is morally

394
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:14,640
wrong, you know, such as in Judaism, do not lie, do not deceive one another. So as we look at

395
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:22,960
morality and ethics and philosophy and religion, we see a common thread. We're going from the

396
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:30,320
extreme of never lie, it's never acceptable to it's okay to lie if it's for the greater good

397
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:36,160
of the community or the mankind. But all of them have an underlying presumption that lying

398
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:42,800
is bad. And you should not partake in lying because it is morally and ethically wrong.

399
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:48,240
And again, this is if this is if you subscribe to their ideology, and there's nothing wrong

400
00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:54,720
with subscribing to a specific ideology, as long as you live by that ideology. It's one thing to

401
00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:59,520
say, I'm a Christian, and I don't believe in lying, but then I'm gonna go stab somebody or rob

402
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,960
somebody because then you're, you know, are you really a Christian? I mean, that's again,

403
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:08,320
a whole nother podcast right there. But if you're going to follow a doctrine, follow the doctrine

404
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:14,640
by all means, but live it all the way through, don't just pick and choose pieces. I can lie today,

405
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:19,440
but I can't lie tomorrow, but I'll lie the next day after I robbed the bank type of thing. So the

406
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:26,240
point I'm trying to drive to you in this segment here is that lying, according to many cultures,

407
00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:33,120
many philosophical ideologies and many religious doctrine is morally and ethically wrong. But

408
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:37,680
I'll leave that up to you to decide whether it's right or wrong for you. And I'll leave you with

409
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:43,120
this thought before we take the break. Considering the viewpoints we've discussed, the philosophy,

410
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:50,480
the religion, the morality, the ethics of lying, how do we reconcile our actions

411
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:57,280
with any of these moral frameworks? How do we do it? Or do we just pick and choose like we've always

412
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:07,920
done? Think about that and we'll be right back. Would you say that lying to protect someone's

413
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:14,400
life is different than lying to deceive someone? But before you answer that, think real hard about

414
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:22,160
the difference, because both are involved in deception. And your answer is going to be based

415
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:28,960
on moral, your morality, what's morally correct in your mind. And for the majority of people,

416
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:34,960
they're going to say lying to protect someone or to save someone's life is more acceptable

417
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:42,480
than it is to lie, to be deceptive in order to get personal gain from somebody, thus running

418
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:49,360
the chance of hurting that person. But really, when you break it down, both are lies and both

419
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:55,680
are deceiving, but there's varying degrees. And that's how we look at lying. So I asked the question,

420
00:39:55,680 --> 00:40:03,520
when might lying be necessary and even ethical? And remember, ethics is the understanding or

421
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:08,640
trying to understand the elements of morality. So the point I'm driving here is that

422
00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:16,240
it's subject to interpretation, when it might be necessary to lie and ethical, as we've seen with

423
00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:24,640
philosophical ideologies that any lying is not acceptable to some lying is okay,

424
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:32,400
as long as it's done for the greater good. So in this case, I'm asking you to reflect on yourself

425
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:39,120
and think about it for a moment. When might lying be necessary and ethical according to your ethics?

426
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:45,840
So when might lying be necessary and ethical? Well, we just mentioned it. And that's when we

427
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:51,600
want to present somebody from getting hurt or harm to ourselves, or other people or even our community.

428
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:58,160
Or if we want to bring about a greater good to the community, or even to our family,

429
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:05,360
then a lie may be acceptable. And again, when I say may be acceptable, this is just based on

430
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:09,520
again, your interpretation, you might think it's good to lie every day. And some people do. Some

431
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:16,240
people don't even know they're lying and they're lying. The narcissist. But in any event, let me

432
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:22,560
give you some examples. So of lying used for positive outcomes. So for example, doctors sometimes

433
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:27,440
use therapeutic privilege, meaning they withhold information or certain information from patients

434
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:33,280
to prevent undue distress to the patient, to prevent the patient from being even under more

435
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:38,320
stress when they're when they're being sick. And as an example, you know, a doctor might not disclose,

436
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:43,200
for example, a prognosis, a really bad prognosis to a patient to maintain. So the patient can

437
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:48,720
maintain their hope and their mental well being. And that's important because your mental well

438
00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:55,600
being is just as a part of your healing process. And also, you know, lying and personal relationships,

439
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:59,760
we've talked about white lies, little white lies, basically protecting someone's feelings

440
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:04,400
in sensitive situations, you can read your significant other or your family members,

441
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:08,800
or even your friends, your close friends. If they have a complex about something with their body,

442
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:14,480
for example, they feel like they're overweight, or they might have, you know, a pimple or something,

443
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:18,240
and they ask you, do they look good in this dress? Or, you know, do they do they look

444
00:42:18,240 --> 00:42:23,120
presentable? And you say, yeah, yeah, you do when really you don't think that they do. And that's

445
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:28,320
okay to lie because you're really preserving their emotions, you're preserving their feelings

446
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:33,600
and building their self confidence, or at least maintaining their self confidence.

447
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:39,600
We can take a look at history as well, when people lied for the greater good, and that was to protect

448
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:44,560
Jews. I mean, take a look at Anne Frank being hidden, you know, in the house from the Nazis.

449
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:52,480
Again, that is a lie, even though it's a situation created by another man to persecute a group of

450
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:57,680
people. But the downside would be is if Anne Frank was caught, which eventually they were.

451
00:42:58,240 --> 00:43:02,800
But if if they had been given up and not lied about, they would have been,

452
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:07,520
they would have met their demise a lot earlier. And here's another time which I find that is okay

453
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:12,560
to be a little deceptive. And that's when you're seeking a job. Let me explain something to you.

454
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:19,440
When you go in for a job, and you might have some exposure to a certain type of a skill set,

455
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:25,120
and you exaggerate that saying that you have a lot of exposure to it, it's okay, as long as you

456
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:30,320
feel comfortable enough to learn that quickly and understand the full scope of what you're supposed

457
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:35,520
to know. And sometimes you can learn that on the job without anyone knowing. But I'm not going to

458
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:41,600
go online and say I'm a brain surgeon when I have no idea how to cut open a person, let alone a brain

459
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:48,080
or even poke at it. So that would be an exaggerated, a grossly exaggerated lie. And that would also

460
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:54,800
be very unethical, immoral, and illegal. But what I'm talking about, let's say I don't understand

461
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:59,120
this, like a certain software, I've been exposed to it, I know how to use it a little bit, but

462
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:03,760
there's plenty of tutorials online to learn it. I will say, yeah, I do, I do that very well, I've

463
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:08,640
been using that for five or six years. And that's a requirement to get the job. And then I'll make

464
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:14,320
sure that I'm sitting there at night learning that before I start my job. You know, so little

465
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:19,520
exaggeration lies like that, people do it all the time. It's not really, you know, it's not,

466
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,960
I guess some people could say it's unethical, but I don't find it unethical, I don't find it

467
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:28,080
immoral, you know, and it's not really, I mean, yeah, it's for personal gain, but it's not hurting

468
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:34,880
anybody. If you can correct the exaggeration, then I'll be it, go for it. I give you permission to

469
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:40,880
lie. I now say you can lie about anything you want on your resume as long as you can back it up. Okay.

470
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:47,040
So what are some strategies that we can employ for, you know, discerning whether we can lie or not,

471
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:50,720
you never thought you'd be sitting and listening to someone talk about strategies on,

472
00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:55,360
deciding when you can lie and when you can't lie. And I think you innate, innately know this,

473
00:44:55,360 --> 00:45:00,400
when you can and can't lie, what you can and can't get away with. And I think, you know, when you do

474
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:04,880
grossly exaggerate, or you make a deceptive lie that you in the back of your head, you're thinking,

475
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:09,200
oh, I'm going to get caught or, you know, I don't want to get caught for this here, and so forth.

476
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:13,520
So the first thing you're going to want to do is, you know, basically evaluate the potential for

477
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:19,440
consequences of lying. Is there a great consequence? So let's, let's say you do exaggerate on your

478
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:25,600
resume, and you get the job and you go and you train online a little bit, take some of these

479
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:30,480
free courses that they have for some of these software platforms, or even pay for the course,

480
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:36,240
or the tutorial, or you get some help from a friend who knows the software, whatever the case is,

481
00:45:36,240 --> 00:45:42,160
and you go to work and you're doing the job. What's the worst case scenario? I mean, they

482
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:47,200
may think you don't know it. If you're not really quite 100% sure, you might get a chance to prove

483
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:53,280
yourself or you may get fired. Okay, that's worst case scenario. I don't think it's really too

484
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:58,240
earth-shattering to be canned from a job. I mean, some people do, but I don't think so. I think

485
00:45:58,240 --> 00:46:02,160
that's, that's the least of it. You know, if you got arrested, then that would be something different.

486
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:06,880
So you always want to evaluate the potential consequences of lying versus telling the truth.

487
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:12,320
I mean, if telling the truth is going to lead you down a road where you're not going to get that

488
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:17,680
job, then you know, maybe you might have to exaggerate or telling the truth might have some negative

489
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:22,960
repercussion when you're telling your friend, no, I'm sorry, your hair sucks today. You look bad.

490
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:28,160
I mean, there are people that will say that, you know, and that will create hard feelings for

491
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:31,520
your friend. And if you don't care about your friends feelings or your significant others feelings,

492
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:35,520
well, then go for it, I guess. I mean, that's really up to you. And another strategy,

493
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:41,600
another strategy is assessing the intentions behind the lie and the overall context of it.

494
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:48,640
I mean, is your lie designed to be deceitful enough to where people can get hurt to where you're

495
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:54,640
trying to get personal gain, financial gain? Maybe if you're, I don't want to use this term

496
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:59,120
car salesman because I think it's overused. And I don't really believe that all car salesmen,

497
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:08,240
car salesmen are deceitful. So let's just say you're a person in a business that's involved in

498
00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:14,240
some sort of an exchange, but yet you need to make this exchange happen. And so you have to be a

499
00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:17,760
little deceitful, you know, you're going to be deceitful. And you know, the person that you're

500
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:22,000
trying to get the money from, get them to make the purchase, or get them to make a decision,

501
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:26,960
you know that it might not be in their best interest, but it will be definitely in your

502
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:32,080
best interest because you'll get a commission. So when you assess your intentions there,

503
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:39,760
look at it as though, is this really going to help benefit the greater good? And again,

504
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:44,960
it's really what you subscribe to the ideology in which you subscribe to, do you even care?

505
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:51,680
And I would hope that most people care because I don't think lying in general is bad. I think

506
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:57,520
it's when it's done to hurt people or to steal from them. I think that's when the problem comes

507
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:04,480
into play where lying is unethical, it's immoral, it's just wrong. So while whether the tell a lie

508
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:09,760
or not tell a lie is really up to you, it's up to the individual to discern whether that's going to

509
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:13,920
be a lie for the greater good, it's going to protect someone, or it's going to be something

510
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:19,280
that's deceitful. There are people that are just wired to lie. I mean, and you probably have known

511
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:24,480
and you probably have known some or you know some now, they may even be family members or friends

512
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:32,560
or even coworkers. But in the end, lying isn't in itself a bad thing if it's done ethically.

513
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:39,920
And what I mean by ethically, if it's done again to protect people from harm, you know, if it's

514
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:46,640
if it's to help boost someone's confidence and not put them down or make them feel inadequate

515
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:53,840
in any way, then lying is fine because it's not hurting anybody. It's when it's deceitful that

516
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:58,880
it begins to become a problem in society and becomes a problem in your relationship too.

517
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:04,640
I mean, what about lying when you have an adulterous affair? Not that everybody has one,

518
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:09,920
but those that do, they tend to lie because here's what's going to happen if you're married,

519
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:14,560
and you go out and you lie, and you have an adulterous affair, and you come home and you say,

520
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:17,760
you know, you deny it or you just don't ever tell the truth and then someday,

521
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:22,640
your significant other finds out. What are the consequences of that? I mean,

522
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:27,520
nine times out of 10, you're getting a divorce. And that's painful to go through all that.

523
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:36,000
So these are things you want to think about before you engage in any activity. Do I lie about it?

524
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:41,680
And what are the consequences of the lie? So far, we've discussed why we lie as a species,

525
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:50,240
you know, in the various types of lies and the moral and ethical dilemma of lying from a philosophical

526
00:49:50,240 --> 00:49:57,920
and from a religious viewpoint. Next, we're going to take a look at how to detect lying. And again,

527
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:04,800
this is not 100% scientific because it's never 100% scientific with people, but this will put you,

528
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:10,640
this will give you some insights into the majority of how people would react in certain situations

529
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:15,440
when they're lying. And I'm going to give you a little tip on how to tell if someone's lying,

530
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:20,720
which tends to work most of the time. And we'll talk about that in our next segment.

531
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:30,320
Research shows that even trained professionals, and we're talking law enforcement officers here,

532
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:39,840
have an accuracy rate of about 54 to 60% in detecting lies. This is only slightly better than

533
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:50,080
chance itself. So it goes to say that detecting a lie is very difficult. I mean, even the polygraph

534
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:58,080
test, I mean, they can measure, they can measure, I can speak, they can measure physiological responses,

535
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:03,760
you know, like heart rate and sweating, but their accuracy is constantly debated. And I'm not even

536
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:10,800
sure that it's admissible in court as evidence. So having said that, I'm just trying to prepare you

537
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:18,160
to understand that detecting lies is not something that we can easily do. I know you're probably

538
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:22,400
sitting there and if you're a parent, you take you, you look at your kid and you say, I know you're

539
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:25,600
lying, you know their behavior, you know when they're going to lie, and especially if you're

540
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:29,280
close to somebody, you kind of know when they're going to lie. And I'm going to give you a little

541
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:35,280
tip, a little game to play. Once we wrap this segment up on how to tell if someone's actually lying.

542
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:40,560
And again, it's not 100% accurate, but it does come in handy when you want to learn about a

543
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:47,040
person's behavior before they lie. Some common signs, though, that professionals usually deploy

544
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:54,480
to determine if someone's lying is obviously body language inconsistencies, you know, usually gestures

545
00:51:54,480 --> 00:52:01,920
can indicate deception in a person they can if somebody's lying, they're not processing information,

546
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:05,760
they're not sitting there and thinking about it, they're just speaking off the cuff, and they're

547
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:12,800
giving a lot of gestures, typically. And you can even detect verbal cues, verbal cues like changes

548
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:19,440
in speech patterns, inconsistencies in their stories, and that's a that's a big one. Now,

549
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:24,080
people do tend to forget over time, I wouldn't even say they tend to forget people forget details

550
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:31,760
over time. But if the story takes a big swing, if it changes, if there's a lot of inconsistencies in

551
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:36,400
it, then you know there's probably something going on here is probably not 100% truthful.

552
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:42,480
And also evasive responses, how many times have you gone up and talked to somebody and they evade,

553
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:46,640
you know, the question they don't want to respond or they come up with a whole different,

554
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:51,520
you know, response to something. That happens quite often. I don't know if you've ever watched

555
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:56,160
this here airport show, this Border Patrol show, I think it's on Netflix, in any event,

556
00:52:56,880 --> 00:53:02,320
when you watch it, you see the cameras are showing people fidgeting when they're carrying drugs across,

557
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:08,480
you know, the border and they're coming into the US and Customs and Border Patrol are screening them.

558
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:14,400
Some people are just typically nervous. So going through Border Patrol makes you nervous to begin

559
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:19,280
with, I'm a citizen in the United States, and I still get nervous when I come over, come back

560
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:23,760
into the States when I'm overseas. And I don't even know why I'm getting nervous, but I'm thinking,

561
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:28,640
well, maybe they think I'm not a citizen. When in fact, I am a citizen, and I haven't done anything

562
00:53:28,640 --> 00:53:36,960
wrong. So people can get nervous. However, nervous behavior is a typical sign of that someone is

563
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:42,400
hiding something or they might be, they might be lying, such as, you know, fidgeting, a lot of

564
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:47,920
fidgeting. It's that anxious behavior inside of them because they're afraid they're going to get caught,

565
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:54,000
you know, avoiding eye contact. But again, remember that this is cultural, because not all cultures

566
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:57,840
will stare you in the eye like the Western culture, like people in the United States will give you

567
00:53:57,840 --> 00:54:02,560
that eye contact, you know, in the East and Asia, you have a lot of those cultures that look away

568
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:07,760
or look down. It's not respectful to stare in someone's eye. So you've got to consider the

569
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:12,640
source too. Also, when you're trying to detect a life, you're dealing with someone from an Asian

570
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:16,320
culture who was brought up in Asia that happens to be here in the States, and you suspect them

571
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:21,120
of lying. If they're not looking at you, that doesn't mean they're lying to you. So you got to

572
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:26,080
take that into consideration. And have you ever seen, have you ever seen or listened to somebody

573
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:31,440
overcompensate, you know, too with too much detail when they get too much into it? You're like thinking,

574
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:37,600
okay, what story are you trying to tell me here, buddy? Because when you give out too much detail,

575
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:42,480
and it's like you've got this whole elaborate plan thought out, and all it needed was just a

576
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:47,840
single answer response, but someone goes into a whole diatribe, then they're probably hiding something

577
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:54,320
as well. You know, something to look out for again, this is not 100%, but they're good telltale

578
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:58,240
signs, especially if you're getting a lot of these cues, both verbal and nonverbal cues,

579
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:03,760
in a conversation with somebody. And taking a look at psychological and behavioral cues,

580
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:08,560
to determine if someone's lying, look at their micro expressions. Basically, these are brief

581
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:15,360
involuntary facial expressions that reveal their true emotions, despite their attempts to conceal

582
00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:22,160
them. So you can tell through these little micro expressions on their face and their eyes, but

583
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:26,880
you got to be paying attention, you can't just be glossing over their face, you've got to stare

584
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:32,640
intently, which can make them nervous as well. So be careful how you do that. And even frequent

585
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:38,240
blinking or looking away may indicate some discomfort or deceit. You know, when people are

586
00:55:38,240 --> 00:55:44,480
uncomfortable, when they don't want to tell the truth, or they're not telling the truth,

587
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:49,040
it makes them uncomfortable. And so they typically will start looking back and forth,

588
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:53,280
you know, moving their head back and forth, and also blinking a lot because they're just

589
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:57,520
not comfortable with the situation. And listen to their speech patterns,

590
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:04,080
hesitations, again, not 100%, because some people do hesitate when they speak, I am one of those,

591
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:09,360
but hesitations, you know, stuttering when they're overly stuttering, if they're not typically

592
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:16,320
stutterers, or overly complex answers can be signs of lying. And those overly complex answers

593
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:22,320
might be the same thing as giving out too much information for just a simple question. These

594
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:27,680
are some signs to look for, you know, both verbally and nonverbally, when people, when you suspect

595
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:33,520
someone of lying. And again, you have to take it into context, the case, the person, you know,

596
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:38,560
how are they feeling? Do you know them well? Are they, are they just a stranger? You got to look

597
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:42,000
at all of this stuff. So I wouldn't just jump to the conclusion that, yeah, you're lying because

598
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:45,600
you're blinking your eyes a lot, maybe they have some sort of nervous tick to begin with. I mean,

599
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:52,000
you want to establish that that's a good way is to establish, you know, a baseline for their

600
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:57,360
normal behavior, what do they normally behave like, you know, then start looking for deviations from,

601
00:56:57,360 --> 00:57:01,920
from, from their normal behavior. So let me give you an example in a game you can play with people,

602
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:06,800
if you want to ever find out if someone, you know, what someone's, when someone's lying.

603
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:13,440
And this is something you want to do in advance at some point, maybe at a party. What you do is

604
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:18,560
you get a few friends and you play two truths in a lie. And you might have heard this game,

605
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:23,600
it's a good icebreaker as well, that a lot of companies involve their employees in when they're

606
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:30,880
doing some sort of a seminar. And what you do is you have them think of two truths about themselves

607
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:39,280
that are true and a lie about themselves. And what I do is I observe facial expressions when

608
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:44,880
someone plays that game, when I play that game with someone. And nine times out of 10, I can

609
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:52,960
determine if they're actually going to lie to me based on their behavior. So if one set of

610
00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:59,280
facial expressions leads to a truth, and then the second one follows that's similar,

611
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:05,760
then I can deduce that the third time around is going to be a lie because they're inconsistent.

612
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:11,680
Again, this doesn't always work, but it's a good way to set a baseline with somebody that you really

613
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:16,640
don't know, and you're having a conversation with. So this way, in the future, let's say it's a

614
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:22,400
coworker and you play this game with a coworker, you'll know that in the future, if they maybe,

615
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:27,520
you know, look up and down and flicker their eyelids or something as an example, they might be

616
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:33,680
they might be lying, you know, so something to keep note of. And another thing to narrow down

617
00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:38,720
whether someone's lying is to basically look for a cluster of cues, meaning what you want to do is

618
00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:42,640
look for a combination of signs rather than relying on just one sign. So if it's fidgeting,

619
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:47,360
don't just rely on that. If they're fidgeting, if they're sweating, if they're inconsistent,

620
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:51,120
they're not looking at you and they're not Asian, you know, from our Eastern culture,

621
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:55,360
you know, they're from, you know, a Western culture that, you know, does value that eye contact.

622
00:58:55,360 --> 00:59:00,640
All of these signs together could start leading towards, you know, deception that this person

623
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:07,520
is probably deceiving you in some way or others and consider the context in which the person is lying.

624
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:15,280
What I mean by that is, are they in a high stake situation? Do they have a lot to lose here? Because

625
00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:20,880
if they have a lot to lose, then lying, you know, they might be motivated to lie so that they

626
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:28,000
so that they don't lose whatever it is they're afraid of losing. So typically, higher stakes

627
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:34,560
leads to probably more pronounced signs of lying in an individual. And this, we see this when

628
00:59:34,560 --> 00:59:38,720
people get interrogated in the police station, you know, for murder. That's pretty high. You're

629
00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:43,600
going to end up, you know, being put away for life or the death penalty in that case. So while

630
00:59:43,600 --> 00:59:50,720
detecting lying is not a pure science, as we've seen, because research shows that about 60% of

631
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:58,160
even professionals can only detect lies, which is just slightly better than chance. You want to take

632
00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:04,480
a look at the entire package, so to speak. You want to look at the person and see, you know,

633
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:09,360
are they, how many of these signs of lying that we've talked about, are they, you know, exhibiting

634
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:14,560
in this conversation? Now, albeit if it's a family member, somebody or a kid of yours or child,

635
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:19,360
you're going to probably know their line just based on the fact that you deal with them on a

636
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:23,840
daily basis. And hopefully they're not lying to you every day, which becomes normal for them.

637
01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:30,000
But you know them and you'll know when their behavior changes when you ask a question

638
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:36,960
that requires them to give you a truthful answer. So am I a bad person if I lie? You might say that

639
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:42,000
I'm a bad person. But are you a bad person if you lie? And you probably say that you're not a bad

640
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:48,000
person because you're not going to say that you're a bad person. We always don't, we don't really

641
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:53,280
tend to criticize ourselves and look at ourselves as bad, not even a criminal, not even a crook

642
01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:59,040
looks at what he's doing is bad. There was that movie American gangster with, I think it was Denzel

643
01:00:59,040 --> 01:01:05,440
Washington who played the gangster who's out, given out turkeys at Christmas time, you know,

644
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:11,600
money that he's selling crack in the neighborhood. He didn't consider himself a villain. He considered

645
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:18,800
himself a community do gooder, basically doing good for the community by providing for them

646
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:23,360
through the money he made from drugs. So he wasn't a bad criminal. He was just more of a

647
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:31,440
good Samaritan or good community member giving food to the community, give him back to his

648
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:38,320
community in which he's selling drugs to. But are you a bad person if you lie? I mean, that is a

649
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:44,320
moral dilemma. We don't want to be known as liars. Nobody wants to be known as a liar unless a liar

650
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:48,080
wants to be known as a liar. In that case, that's completely different. And that's really nothing

651
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:54,480
related to what I'm talking about. But are you a bad person? You know, what, what, what kind of

652
01:01:54,480 --> 01:02:01,840
internal conflict or ethical considerations arise when you decide to lie? And you know, you're

653
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:06,800
going to lie about something, you know, I mean, how many times have you faked being sick and called

654
01:02:06,800 --> 01:02:13,920
in and coughed a few times, told you about, hey, I'm sick. I mean, that's a lie. But what are the

655
01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:18,640
internal conflicts that you feel? Or do you feel anything at all? I mean, I mean, does it make

656
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:23,280
you feel like a bad person? I don't think it should. I mean, again, because we've talked about

657
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:30,240
there, there are proper ways or proper times that you can tell a lie. And that is, you know,

658
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:34,720
to protect somebody or to even maybe protect yourself, maybe you're not feeling good. And

659
01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:37,760
you know, you can go to work, but you don't really want to go to work and you want to rest.

660
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:41,760
That's kind of self preservation. But I do know that when we do lie and we have that

661
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:46,640
internal conflict, we have, we kind of feel guilty about it. I mean, we got that internal,

662
01:02:46,640 --> 01:02:53,040
internal guilt. And we also experience what's known as cognitive dissonance that comes with lying.

663
01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:57,680
I mean, we're at odds with our belief system, right? We might not believe that lying is good.

664
01:02:57,680 --> 01:03:01,440
At least we don't want to be known as liars. But yet when we lie, we're like, wait a second,

665
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:07,120
I have a conflict of interest in my own, my own values here. What do I do? I think that I think

666
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:12,480
it comes down to understanding the difference between harmful and deceitful lying versus

667
01:03:13,280 --> 01:03:19,280
non harmful and deceitful lying. What are you engaging in? What is the context in what you're

668
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:26,560
lying about? And is it to prevent harm or to keep somebody from feeling, you know, low self-esteem?

669
01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:32,720
And what about strategic lying? Strategic lying might involve something like a whistleblower who

670
01:03:32,720 --> 01:03:40,400
exposes a corporate misconduct, but had to lie to get that information. Is that wrong? Think about it.

671
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:47,760
If a company, let's say, is spilling toxic chemicals into the ocean, and a whistleblower

672
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:54,800
exposes that corporate misconduct, but he had to do so through lying, maybe he posed as a reporter,

673
01:03:54,800 --> 01:04:00,480
or maybe he posed as a another department head to gain access, whatever the case is,

674
01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:05,760
but he lied to get the information. Is that justified? I mean, can you justify that?

675
01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:12,400
Think about why you can justify it. And I know why, and I know you know why by now, and it's for

676
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:18,640
the greater good, because we really don't want toxicity spewing into our oceans, killing our fish,

677
01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:22,880
and ruining our environment, do we? I mean, some people may not care if they don't live near the

678
01:04:22,880 --> 01:04:29,200
area, but for most people, that's not something they want to see. So they'll engage in lying and

679
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:36,560
deceit in order to get that information to nail the corporate of the company. I mean, and this

680
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:43,200
happens a lot in politics, you have diplomats who lie to prevent basically international conflict

681
01:04:43,200 --> 01:04:49,600
all the time. You know, you might have to tell a lie. I mean, what about countries that bomb other

682
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:54,160
countries and then lie about it anyway? I mean, we know they did it. I know we didn't do that,

683
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:58,800
because they don't want to suffer the consequence of being bombed themselves in retaliation, right?

684
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:04,720
So they lie. So it comes down to this, how do we navigate basically our moral compass in situations

685
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:12,560
where lying seems justified to us? And again, I use those terms lightly because lying can always be

686
01:05:12,560 --> 01:05:20,400
justified if it's part of your reality. Okay, it doesn't make it great or good for the greater good

687
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:28,000
of society. It might make it good for you in order to survive in the environment, but it doesn't make

688
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:35,040
it great for everybody else. But how do we navigate our moral compass? Assuming you have a moral compass

689
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:40,480
in situations where lying seems to be justified, we can always weigh the consequences and the

690
01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:44,160
intentions, right? We can always take a look at it. What are the consequences? They're small. What

691
01:05:44,160 --> 01:05:49,440
are my intentions? Are they good? Well, I'm going to lie, you know, and that's okay. And you might

692
01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:56,080
even want to go so far as to establish personal guidelines. I'm not kidding, folks. Establishing

693
01:05:56,080 --> 01:06:04,080
personal guidelines online. What is ethically and morally correct to lie about and what is not?

694
01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:10,960
And maybe build yourself some sort of set of core values and build that personal guideline into the

695
01:06:10,960 --> 01:06:16,800
core values. So this way you don't suffer, you know, cognitive dissonance or guilt when it comes to

696
01:06:16,800 --> 01:06:23,920
actually lying. Maybe have a contingency plan too in case you find yourself in a, you know,

697
01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:28,720
very difficult situation and you have to lie to get out of it and it seems to be deceitful and

698
01:06:28,720 --> 01:06:33,200
hurtful to other people. Maybe you have some sort of contingency plan in your core values that

699
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:39,440
allows you to do that. But whatever you can do up front to help mitigate any guilt that you have

700
01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:45,360
about lying, I recommend doing that. And again, this isn't about going out and being deceitful.

701
01:06:45,360 --> 01:06:51,440
It's about being able to cope and deal with your own, you know, morality when it comes time to lying.

702
01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:58,000
If you're not okay with little white lies, we don't want you going out being deceitful and

703
01:06:58,000 --> 01:07:03,600
hurting other people. But, you know, that some people just, you know, get a thrill out of that.

704
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:10,240
Folks, we've talked a lot about lying, you know, is it good? Is it bad? Is it moral? Is it ethical?

705
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:16,480
I mean, it really comes down to the individual, right? In the context in which they're going to

706
01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:24,000
lie. So we've seen that lying is not, you know, bad on its own merit. It becomes bad when it

707
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:31,040
goes against the greater good of society, when it goes to deceive others and bring them harm.

708
01:07:31,040 --> 01:07:35,680
We've learned that there's a psychological and evolutionary reason for lying. I mean, we've,

709
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:41,440
we did it to survive. It's deeply embedded in our human behavior for self-preservation,

710
01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:46,960
for social cohesion, and just pure survival. And then there's the types of lies we tell.

711
01:07:47,600 --> 01:07:52,400
We, you know, we label them, and we tend to label everything on, you know, in our life.

712
01:07:52,400 --> 01:07:57,520
Why not label lies? There's little white lies we tell. There's exaggerations and deceit.

713
01:07:57,520 --> 01:08:02,160
And they serve different purposes and have basically varying moral implications. And again,

714
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:09,520
it comes down to what can you tolerate morally when you lie? So it comes down to this. Lying is a

715
01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:15,600
complex and multifaceted. I'm talking multifaceted behavior with extreme, well, not maybe extreme,

716
01:08:15,600 --> 01:08:19,200
but with significant implications for personal and professional relationships.

717
01:08:19,200 --> 01:08:24,320
And sometimes while lying can be justified, it does often raise moral and ethical questions

718
01:08:24,320 --> 01:08:30,160
that require careful consideration, considering you're buying into the morality and ethics of

719
01:08:30,720 --> 01:08:36,960
that collective group that you're part of, which I hope you are. If not, well, then that's a different

720
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:43,680
story. You know, and then we've understood that lies can protect, you know, they can harm,

721
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:48,640
they can manipulate, they can benefit. It all depends on the context. And when it comes down to

722
01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:55,040
this here, folks, lying is like walking on a tightrope, you basically need to navigate those gray

723
01:08:55,040 --> 01:09:03,360
areas. When it involves balancing honesty with strategic deception, always taking into account

724
01:09:03,360 --> 01:09:10,000
the broader impact on trust and integrity, because all you have is integrity. Everything else is

725
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:16,480
materialistic. And if you ruin your integrity, chances are people don't want to deal with you

726
01:09:16,480 --> 01:09:21,200
too much. You know, I want to encourage you as you go out into the world,

727
01:09:22,960 --> 01:09:27,120
as you go to work, as you interact with your family members, I want to encourage you to

728
01:09:27,120 --> 01:09:34,800
examine your own use of lies and consider the reasons that you lie in the consequences behind

729
01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:40,160
your actions, you know, the actions that can happen. Think critically as well. Think critically

730
01:09:40,160 --> 01:09:46,960
think critically about the ethical implications that your lies may have, and always try to strive

731
01:09:46,960 --> 01:09:54,160
for honesty whenever possible. And as I've stated earlier, develop some sort of personal

732
01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:59,760
guidelines for lying. I mean, it sounds funny. Hey, I've got a personal set of guidelines for lying.

733
01:10:00,640 --> 01:10:06,800
But you want to devise a plan or a strategy or guideline for lying that basically aligns with

734
01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:13,280
your own values and the well-being of others. So take it into consideration for the greater good

735
01:10:13,280 --> 01:10:19,520
of the society in which you live in. And I want to thank you for listening and leave you with

736
01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:26,720
this closing thought. In a world where truth and deception often intertwine, how do we ensure that

737
01:10:26,720 --> 01:10:34,720
our lies protect rather than betray, build rather than destroy, and ultimately reflect our deepest

738
01:10:34,720 --> 01:10:42,400
values and intentions? Thanks for listening to Life Unscripted.