1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,440 Let's begin with a little trivia. 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:10,880 I'm going to ask you what the following statements or phrases have in common as compared to the 3 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,960 topic of self-worth, goals, and achievement. 4 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:21,480 So a value judgment, personal preferences, not necessarily something factual, and it 5 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,620 expresses how someone feels or thinks. 6 00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:31,120 What do those have in common that tie into the topic of self-worth, goals, and achievement? 7 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,240 You're probably wondering what the heck is he talking about? 8 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:39,120 Hey, if you've got it, great for you, because that is the subject of today's podcast. 9 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,440 So let's find out what I'm talking about. 10 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:45,640 This is Life Unscripted, the podcast that just hits you with the hard truth that life has 11 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:49,040 no script and everything you've been taught is an illusion. 12 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,520 I'm your host Alan Stafford. 13 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:55,760 Give me as we explore how we can break free from the grip of other people's negative opinions 14 00:00:55,760 --> 00:01:06,120 and begin to live our life as we see fit. 15 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,120 Now back to the show. 16 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,200 So opinions, everyone has one. 17 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,560 You know, everyone walking down the street has an opinion. 18 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,000 You know what they say about opinions, right? 19 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,440 Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. 20 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,280 Some people have more than just one opinion. 21 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,120 Does that mean they have more than one asshole? 22 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,720 I don't know, some people are so full of shit, you just never know. 23 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,880 They might have multiple assholes. 24 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:31,520 All jokes aside, folks, we're going to talk about a serious topic. 25 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:36,680 Opinions, because we are always listening and getting other people's opinions, whether 26 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,480 we want to or we don't. 27 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,680 It's just a fact of life. 28 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:45,220 Go through today and just listen to the conversations people have with you. 29 00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:47,080 How much of it is an opinion? 30 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:51,740 You'll find that a lot of it is an opinion, which means absolutely nothing unless you 31 00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:53,560 assign meaning to it. 32 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:58,800 But first let's define what an opinion is so we can understand, have a baseline for understanding 33 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,760 what we're even talking about. 34 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,280 Because not all opinions are bad. 35 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:08,200 We're just going to focus on the negative opinions that people give that impact your 36 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:13,520 mental health, that your self-esteem and your drive and your dreams. 37 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:18,000 An opinion is a belief, judgment or view that someone holds about something. 38 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:22,080 But it's not necessarily based on facts or evidence, folks. 39 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:27,040 It expresses how someone thinks or feels about a particular topic, person or thing. 40 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:32,120 So about everything anyone says is pretty much an opinion. 41 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,080 Because they're not speaking from facts. 42 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,680 They're not speaking from real evidence. 43 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:39,320 They're just making evidence up or listening to someone else's opinion and regurgitating 44 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,320 that opinion. 45 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,640 And again, we're going to go back to politics. 46 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:48,120 Politics is a good example of just people repeating opinions that have no basis. 47 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,640 They're not even doing the research. 48 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:52,080 And here's the kicker people. 49 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,480 Opinions are subjective. 50 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,480 They're not objective. 51 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:55,920 They are subjective. 52 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:58,560 They vary from person to person. 53 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:02,440 You can ask one person their opinion on something and then ask another person their opinion 54 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:07,080 on something and that's going to be two different opinions. 55 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:12,400 Some of them will sound like they're the same but they'll have variations in their opinion. 56 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:18,440 Because people have very different perspectives and interpretations of the same information. 57 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:23,200 So unlike facts which can be objectively verified, we can objectively verify, and there's a whole 58 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,880 process for verifying facts. 59 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:29,240 I'm not just saying just because some news agency or some book tells you it's a fact 60 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,240 that's a fact. 61 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,760 That's not necessarily the case. 62 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,640 But real facts can be objectively verified. 63 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,120 Opinions, well, they cannot be proven true or false. 64 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,000 So just what a person thinks. 65 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:43,880 It's a belief system that a person has that they interject the thought and you somehow 66 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,600 buy into that. 67 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:50,520 So in other words, opinions often involve a person's value judgments or their personal 68 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:51,520 preferences. 69 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:52,800 You know, they use words like good. 70 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:53,800 That's a good thing. 71 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,280 Oh, that's a bad thing. 72 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,040 Oh, hey, he's the best. 73 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,800 Or this is my favorite. 74 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:03,920 These are all indications that you're about to get an opinion and nothing rooted in evidence 75 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,320 or fact. 76 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:11,760 So again, the focus on this podcast episode is really to help you understand that opinions 77 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,080 are exactly that an opinion. 78 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:19,200 It's a belief held by someone else that's not rooted in factor evidence. 79 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,720 So why are you listening? 80 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:27,360 Why are you having or why are you allowing a person's opinion impact your life, drive, 81 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:31,440 you know, your motivation, deter you or any of that stuff? 82 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,880 And that's what we're going to talk about today. 83 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,960 But you might be wondering, why am I even bothered by someone else's opinion, which 84 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,160 you probably shouldn't be. 85 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:45,560 But for those people that are understanding how to break away from someone else's opinion, 86 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:51,520 especially negative opinion, is important because it helps you not succumb to the damaging 87 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:54,120 opinions that affect your self belief. 88 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:58,240 You know, you might suffer from feeling inadequate or unworthy every time you talk to somebody 89 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,360 or somebody who made you feel that way with their opinions. 90 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:04,560 Or maybe their opinions led you to believe that you're an imposter and you suffer from 91 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:10,360 imposter syndrome or you have a decision paralysis because of all the negative opinions that 92 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:17,000 you've heard about your decision making capabilities, or you just have a fear of rejection or failure 93 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,840 as a result of listening to other people's opinions. 94 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:25,000 These are all results of someone listening or someone being impacted by another person's 95 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,000 opinion. 96 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:34,720 It's important to understand how to navigate someone's negative opinion in that it's just 97 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:40,120 exactly that, an opinion, a belief that they have that has no bearing on you or your results 98 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,320 or your future. 99 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:47,760 You see, because people's opinions have a profound impact on many of us. 100 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,800 And it's had a profound impact on me growing up. 101 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,000 And I'll get into my story here in a few seconds here. 102 00:05:54,000 --> 00:06:00,120 But it has a profound impact on all of us when we have to deal with negative opinions. 103 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:05,440 It impacts our self belief, which leads us to not pursue our goals, to not follow our 104 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:10,520 dreams because we believed what someone had to say and that belief is rooted in their own 105 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:16,320 belief system, which is not rooted in anything that's evident or fact based. 106 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:21,320 So by better understanding the concept of the impact other people's opinions have on 107 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:26,960 you, you can begin to improve your mental health, build those better relationships and 108 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:35,320 have a stronger social interactions and build the ever so needed mental resilience. 109 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:40,120 When we come back, I'm going to share with you my personal story that's led me on my 110 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:45,240 journey to negate and ignore other people's negative opinions. 111 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:49,400 And I even ignore most people's opinions, period. 112 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,600 That's beside the point. 113 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,120 That's when we come back. 114 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,960 Okay, we're back. 115 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:59,000 And as promised, I'm going to tell you or share with you my story as to my journey that brought 116 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:04,760 me to this point in my life where I don't listen to other people's opinions. 117 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,680 As a matter of fact, I question where they get this information from. 118 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,480 And it probably rubs people the wrong way. 119 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,760 But in the end, it saves me. 120 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:17,320 It builds my resilience and it saves me from worrying about what other people think about 121 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,320 me and what I'm doing. 122 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,240 And I just keep going and going and going and going. 123 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:25,160 And it doesn't really matter because I know that what I'm doing is right for me. 124 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,920 So I wanted to be a movie director. 125 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,720 Okay, I wanted to direct movies. 126 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,680 I was really influenced by, by television and the movies. 127 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:38,120 And I began making small, a little home movies on Super 8 and editing them and learning everything 128 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:41,040 I could about movie making. 129 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:45,680 I even ended up working for Westinghouse Broadcasting, which was a cable company at the time when 130 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:52,280 I was 16, 17 years old, began pulling cable that ended up using their camera, became a 131 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,520 camera operator and then eventually ended up directing some of the shows. 132 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,360 And I thought, man, I'm, I'm, I'm making it here. 133 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:03,320 And then I ended up going to college, getting into USC, getting into cinema school. 134 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,520 And that's when it all began. 135 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:11,760 That's when all the doubt began because people, not just people in the school, but people 136 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:19,160 outside of the school, friends and family, even a boss of mine discouraged me from pursuing 137 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:26,600 a career in cinema saying that very few people make it, very few people even become a director. 138 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,840 And why are you so special that you think you can become a director? 139 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,720 And so that began to play over and over and over in my mind. 140 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:38,080 And it began to lower my self-esteem about myself and my abilities, despite the fact 141 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:44,080 that I have already made home movies, which they were probably crappy, but nevertheless 142 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,960 I was doing it. 143 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:52,080 And I was able to rise above an organization to direct local programming. 144 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:55,800 Again, I began to doubt myself because I thought, yeah, this is just local programming and 145 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,200 these are just home movies for myself. 146 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,200 They really don't matter. 147 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:04,640 I began to play those head games all because people discouraged me based on their own opinion 148 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,760 and feelings of an industry they've never even worked in. 149 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,120 Imagine that. 150 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,120 And you're probably thinking, oh, that wouldn't happen to me. 151 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:15,920 Folks, it happens to everybody everywhere, every day. 152 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:21,560 People are influenced by someone else's ideology about their belief system and they don't even 153 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:28,320 have the first-hand experience in whatever it is they're doing to share that opinion 154 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,320 with you. 155 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,320 It's just a thought. 156 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,320 It's just what they believe. 157 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,320 It's what they've heard. 158 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,640 So it's been handed down from generation to generation in their family. 159 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,960 It doesn't matter. 160 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,240 It's just their opinion. 161 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:45,120 And one of the sad, I wouldn't even say it's sad, one of the challenges I had growing up 162 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,160 is that I didn't have people to tell me. 163 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:51,040 I mean, my parents said I could achieve anything, but then I thought, well, all parents say 164 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,040 that. 165 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,040 That doesn't matter. 166 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,760 My parents could say, well, if you believe it, if you dream it, you can do it. 167 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:56,760 Well, sure. 168 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,360 Okay, mom, okay, dad, thanks for that bit of wisdom. 169 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,440 But you're not going to believe your parents because they're your parents. 170 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,440 They want what's good for you. 171 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,040 They want to encourage you. 172 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,840 Unless you have rotten parents that don't do that, then that's a different story and 173 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,000 a whole different podcast. 174 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,600 But nevertheless, I didn't have those mentors to show me the way. 175 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:18,400 And that's why, again, I'm motivated to help you understand that other people's opinions 176 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:22,080 are just that opinions and they're not rooted in any fact or evidence. 177 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,960 So why are you listening to them? 178 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:29,680 So as it turned out, you know, my journey, my journey began in my late 20s when I began 179 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:33,080 to question other people's opinions, I began to ask, how do you know? 180 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,680 And they would just say, I just know. 181 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,320 And I would think, well, that's not an acceptable answer that I just know. 182 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:42,320 There has to be, there has to be more depth to your logic. 183 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:46,960 I took a few critical thinking courses that made me begin to question that as well. 184 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,440 So I began to question everything. 185 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,720 I began to question religion. 186 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:50,720 I was brought up religious. 187 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:56,320 I was brought up both, you know, with a Baptist dad and a Muslim mom. 188 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,720 Talk about two worlds that collide. 189 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,120 It's like we always wanted to be at each other's throat. 190 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,120 I will kill you. 191 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:07,120 Oh, the Holy Lord, Trinity will save me, you know, type of stuff. 192 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:11,800 And that really mind fucked me as well, you know, having to deal with that. 193 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:18,000 And then I later on went into practice Buddhism, which I completely reject any Abrahamic religion. 194 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:23,800 And this is not a topic on religion, but I'm just sharing with you my journey to becoming 195 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:28,760 a self-sufficient thinker and not listening to other people's opinions because I began 196 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,040 to question all of this religious stuff. 197 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:36,400 I started to dive into history courses, philosophy courses until it brought me to this day where 198 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,560 I'm pretty much a stoic. 199 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,080 Life is what it is. 200 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,720 And everybody has an opinion like they have, you know, assholes. 201 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,600 So why, why listen to them? 202 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:50,400 There's no point other than if you want to take some good stuff from people who've actually 203 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:54,800 achieved something and they give you your opinion on how to achieve it, then go ahead, 204 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,560 by all means, include that in your journey. 205 00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,280 But if it's just something negative to tear you down, let it go. 206 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:01,280 It doesn't matter. 207 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:02,280 It's their opinion. 208 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:08,160 Okay, folks, when we come back, we'll dive into the meat of our discussion on other people's 209 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:13,840 opinions and the impact they have on your self-worth and your belief system. 210 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:18,280 And then what you can do about that to help you be more resilient when you're thinking. 211 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,680 That's when we come back. 212 00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:21,680 Welcome back. 213 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:26,320 Let's get into the impact that negative opinions have on your psyche. 214 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:30,640 And folks, there's a lot, but we're going to cover some of the top ones, some of the 215 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:38,440 top ways that impact your mind and your thinking when you are the recipient or you're constantly 216 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:43,640 exposed to those negative opinions about you or things that you've done or things that 217 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:47,320 you should do from other people. 218 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:52,200 And just as a reminder that everything I tell you is based on research. 219 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,760 This is not just something that's coming from my opinion. 220 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:59,480 I'm not giving you my opinion about other people's opinions that you shouldn't take. 221 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,560 This is just my, I mean, this is based on research studies. 222 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:09,040 So there's some science backing what I'm explaining to you. 223 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,440 Your self-belief drops. 224 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:15,280 Your belief in yourself when someone gives you an opinion. 225 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,680 So for example, let's go back to the example of my story when they would tell me that I 226 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:21,280 was not good enough or I would never make it. 227 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:25,680 Automatically, I began to believe like, Hey, you know, maybe they're right. 228 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,160 I mean, my parents say I'm good and I can become anything, but that doesn't really 229 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,800 count to my parents. 230 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,400 You know, I've accomplished a few things, but they were really low level. 231 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,240 There wasn't really anything grand like a big movie director in Hollywood. 232 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:43,280 So I began to believe what they're telling me, their opinion. 233 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:47,800 And then turn, I began to doubt my own beliefs. 234 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,600 I have these poor self-beliefs and self-efficacy too. 235 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:57,160 So self-efficacy is one's belief in their ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish 236 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,160 a task. 237 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:02,640 So that is, if you believe you can do something, you have a higher self-efficacy than someone 238 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,920 who doesn't believe that they can do something. 239 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:09,680 And as a result of being, what do we say, abused by opinions? 240 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,840 I don't know, that might be a strong word, but as a result of listening to other people's 241 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:16,640 opinions constantly and taking them to heart, we lower our self-efficacy. 242 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:20,480 We lower our self-belief in the fact that we can do or accomplish something. 243 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,080 So that's another impact it has on your mind. 244 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,200 Another thing that occurs is your resiliency drops. 245 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,920 You're not very resilient. 246 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:32,720 And what I mean, it's your capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. 247 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:39,740 So if something, if you were to set, let's say you're going out and you're going to try 248 00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:46,280 to accomplish a goal or a dream that you have, let's say that you go out and pursue a dream. 249 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,280 Okay. 250 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,800 And you start by pursuing this dream. 251 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:53,760 Let's say this dream is to run a marathon, for example. 252 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,120 But everyone's telling you, you can't do it. 253 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:57,120 It's hard. 254 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,440 It's 26.2 miles. 255 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,220 You've never ran a day in your life. 256 00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:05,560 If you were, if you had a high self-resiliency, you would be able to bounce back from that 257 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:06,560 and say, well, that's not true. 258 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:07,560 I can do it. 259 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:08,560 I know I can do it. 260 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:09,560 I'm just going to have to practice a little harder. 261 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:13,040 I'm going to have to practice a little longer, but I'm going to be able to get there. 262 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:18,200 What happens is when people are inundated with those poor negative opinions, they can 263 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:24,280 often lower their resiliency and their ability to bounce back, keeping them further in that 264 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:27,120 state of mind that they cannot accomplish anything. 265 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:32,880 So this is another side effect, another psychological impact that you have when you deal with other 266 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:33,880 people's opinions. 267 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:39,480 And again, I'm going to keep pushing for you to not always listen to people's opinions 268 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:46,160 because that's exactly what they are, an opinion, a belief, a thought that is unfounded on anything 269 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,280 based on evidence or facts. 270 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,320 And here's another thing. 271 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:56,440 If you are constantly taking other people's advice and it's poor advice, poor opinions, 272 00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:02,240 and you're letting it impact your future drive, your drive, your goals, your dreams, you are 273 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:09,440 what is called having an external locus of control, meaning you believe outside circumstances, 274 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:14,320 control your destiny versus those who are highly resilient will believe that they have, 275 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:18,680 or they believe they have an internal locus of control, or they have an internal locus 276 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:24,680 of control, meaning they actually believe that they control their destiny. 277 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,960 And they're better off because what they're doing is they're taking the other person's 278 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,920 opinion, they're listening to the opinion and they're going, well, you haven't done it yet, 279 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,040 so I don't know that it's not going to work for me. 280 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,120 I'm a different person. 281 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,440 I'm in total control of my destiny. 282 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:42,240 And if I decide I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it versus external locus of control 283 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:46,160 where they go, oh, you know, Bob down the street says that I'm not going to be able 284 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,040 to run that marathon just because I don't run. 285 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,720 And he's probably right, you know, because I don't really run every day and I don't 286 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,440 even think I'm capable. 287 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:55,880 See the difference? 288 00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:02,960 The person that believes Bob has control over their destiny with the words that Bob chooses 289 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,600 has an external locus of control. 290 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:09,400 They believe that there's external control over them versus their own ability to control 291 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,560 themselves. 292 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:11,920 And that's where you don't want to be. 293 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,040 You want to have that internal locus of control. 294 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:17,560 You want to be able to say to yourself, I can do this despite what you think. 295 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:22,280 I don't care what you think because your thoughts are just your thoughts. 296 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:27,000 They're not predicated on anything based on fact or truth. 297 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:34,640 And these next two are really, I see this a lot in a majority of people, cognitive biases 298 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,680 and cognitive distortions. 299 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,400 So what am I talking about? 300 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:48,360 If you're constantly exposed and you believe other people's opinions, you develop a systematic 301 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:52,920 pattern of deviation from the norm or rational judgment. 302 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:59,120 You begin to infer about other people's situations and draw on, draw upon illogical conclusions 303 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:02,120 about them based on what someone else is saying. 304 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:08,160 For example, if someone says candidate A is a pedophile, you know, he's running for president 305 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:14,840 and you have this inclination to believe that person, even though their opinion is really 306 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,520 unwarranted, there's no evidence and they have no other insight other than it's just 307 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,920 their thought because they don't like the person. 308 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:26,400 You're going to begin to develop this cognitive bias, this judgment against that person and 309 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,900 it's unfounded. 310 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:31,000 There's no reason for it other than you just listen to someone else. 311 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:35,200 And this goes on all day long, every day across this globe. 312 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,440 People listen to other people's opinions about things and there's no basis for it and they 313 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:45,320 buy into it and it screws up their own cognitive biases and it creates cognitive distortion. 314 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:49,800 It's an unhelpful way we perceive reality. 315 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,280 It's like black and white thinking. 316 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,080 Cognitive distortions is black and white thinking. 317 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,800 It's catastrophizing. 318 00:18:54,800 --> 00:19:00,760 It dramatically affects one's self-belief and their resilience when they have a high level 319 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,400 of cognitive distortion. 320 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:07,720 So what you have to begin to understand, take inventory, take inventory of your own thinking 321 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:14,760 today, today, tomorrow, write it down in a journal, identify am I believing this about 322 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:18,080 this person because so and so said so? 323 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:22,000 Or am I believing it about something that I saw and thought? 324 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:28,320 Or am I believing it about research and evidence from an unbiased source and really there's 325 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:33,160 no such thing as an unbiased source, but you're going to try to get to as close to an unbiased 326 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,600 source as you can. 327 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,320 Whatever that source might be, whether it be the news, some research paper, peer reviewed 328 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:44,920 papers, well respected novelist or historian, whatever it is you're trying to set out to 329 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,440 prove or understand. 330 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,920 Then there's a concept known as social comparison. 331 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:56,080 This is a theory that suggests that individuals determine their own social and personal worth 332 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,480 based on how they stack up against others. 333 00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,840 It's like trying to keep up with the Joneses. 334 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,040 You're comparing yourself to the Joneses. 335 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:07,400 This will lead to feelings of inadequacy when you compare yourself, especially unfavorably 336 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,560 compare yourself to others. 337 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,760 And here's a perfect example. 338 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:19,240 And this social media, social media is the criminal in this social comparison because 339 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:27,480 what they do is people post crap on social media, Facebook, what is it, Instagram, TikTok, 340 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,320 especially Facebook, look at the life I'm living. 341 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,520 I'm traveling again today. 342 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,520 I'm on an airplane. 343 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:35,720 So you begin to create this illusion that, oh my God, these people are, Bob's better than 344 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:36,720 me. 345 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,320 Look at, he's always traveling, he's always going places. 346 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,480 He's always out drinking, having fun with friends when in reality that's not really 347 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:42,480 the case. 348 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:46,440 He's just showing you that and you're making a comparison that your life is not like that, 349 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,160 but his life is not even real like that. 350 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:53,200 It's probably pictures he's had from before or he might just post a picture today and 351 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,840 then six months later post another picture and you just happen to see it and you begin 352 00:20:55,840 --> 00:21:00,400 to stack it together and begin to realize, oh my God, he's always on a trip, but he's 353 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,760 only posting whenever he goes on a trip and he goes on a trip twice a year, but you're 354 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:10,440 seeing it, you know, as though it's compressed time and two dimensional on a feed. 355 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,080 And so you're making that comparison. 356 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:14,600 You don't want to do that. 357 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,760 That's going to destroy you. 358 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:22,760 So again, social comparison is a byproduct of people's opinion and the way that comes 359 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:27,960 about is someone's posting or someone's doing something and you're trying to compete with 360 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,440 them and compare yourself to them and that's no way to live your life. 361 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,760 Compare yourself only to yourself from the day before. 362 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,720 Are you better or are you worse? 363 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,000 Who cares about the Joneses? 364 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,880 Who cares about what Bob does? 365 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:44,680 What did you do yesterday that you're going to do today differently that's going to improve 366 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:45,680 your life? 367 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,160 That's all you need to be comparing yourself to. 368 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,360 Nobody else. 369 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,680 And social comparison leads to an impact on your self-belief. 370 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:57,240 As I said, with social media, I mean, you could undermine your self-esteem and your self-worth 371 00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,680 if you're constantly making these comparisons, thinking, I'm not good enough. 372 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,360 I don't have that kind of money. 373 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:03,800 Look at these get rich quick schemes. 374 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,480 People are always talking about, hey, look at this funnel. 375 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:06,640 Hey, you know, let's try this here. 376 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,640 Do this on YouTube, blah, blah, blah. 377 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,480 I don't know if blah, blah, blah. 378 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,520 It's a strategy that they try to sell. 379 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:18,800 But my point is you're seeing what other people are projecting that they're earning on e-commerce 380 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,240 or whatever they're doing on the side for a side hustle. 381 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,960 And you're like, I want to be like them. 382 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,160 I want to do them, but I can't get there. 383 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:25,600 I don't know what's going on. 384 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:26,960 Most of that stuff is BS anyways. 385 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,440 I mean, there are some people that make a lot of money out there, but most of those people, 386 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,120 they're just trying to get you to watch their crap and sell you their crap so you can, so 387 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:37,720 they can make money off of you, thinking they make money off something else. 388 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,040 So yeah, you want to stay away from all of that. 389 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:46,800 And all of that really is based on opinion, because it's someone else's belief system 390 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,200 that they're trying to project onto you and you're buying into it. 391 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:54,440 And again, I'm going to say, stop believing what other people are selling you. 392 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,480 Stop believing what they're telling you because it's not based on anything other than their 393 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,320 own belief system. 394 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:03,400 Why are you subjecting your own mind to someone else's thinking? 395 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,680 So the question I'm going to ask you is why are you still listening to other people's 396 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:07,680 opinions? 397 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:08,680 Seriously. 398 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:13,920 What does their opinion or what will their opinion do for you? 399 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,680 How will that change your life for the better? 400 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,320 It probably won't. 401 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,240 You might be able to say, oh, I think like you. 402 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:26,160 Therefore I will listen to your opinion, even though your opinion is based on nothing other 403 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:30,200 than your own thoughts and beliefs, because there's no evidence to back it. 404 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,320 They didn't even do research. 405 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,120 They just kind of go, oh, I feel this way about this person. 406 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,800 Therefore I'm going to say, don't listen to this person or don't buy from this person 407 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,200 or don't buy this product or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 408 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:44,360 And then pretty soon you're going to be going, oh yeah, I agree without any reason why. 409 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:50,000 And then it's going to cause you to develop lower self-esteem, lower belief in yourself, 410 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,400 going to keep you from pursuing your dreams, pursuing your goals. 411 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,280 And then one day you're going to look back and go, man, I should have never listened 412 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:56,280 to anybody. 413 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,280 I should have just done my own thing. 414 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,800 Well, I'm telling you right now, just do your own thing. 415 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:02,520 Don't listen to other people unless they've been successful and they're giving you their 416 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,280 story, their path to their success and helping you get there. 417 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,640 Just the only time you should be listening to people, not people who have never done 418 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:16,000 anything and want to give you their two cents on what to do, those people are abundant. 419 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,000 They're everywhere. 420 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:21,280 All right, folks, when we come back, we're going to dive into strategies for building 421 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:22,280 resilience. 422 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:26,520 We're going to talk about setting boundaries, cultivating a positive self-image. 423 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:32,960 I'm going to give you tips and techniques on what you can do to build that resilience 424 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:37,040 and not listen to other people's opinions and not take it to heart, but do your own 425 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,400 thing, have your own internal locus of control. 426 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:43,160 That's when we come back. 427 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:47,360 Welcome back and thanks for hanging in there. 428 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:53,280 If you're still in there with me, hopefully I haven't given you too much of my opinion. 429 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,200 I haven't given you any of my opinion, actually. 430 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:56,320 Well, maybe I have. 431 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:57,320 Let's think about this here. 432 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,840 I've given you a little bit of my opinion, but really a lot of this here is based on 433 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:04,480 research and science. 434 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:10,000 I would have to say that there is evidence and fact behind what I'm saying to you today. 435 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:15,800 Okay, we're going to talk about strategies for building resilience for empowering you 436 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,960 to navigate negativity, criticism, and that self-doubt. 437 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:26,960 In other words, navigate other people's negative opinions when you come across them. 438 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:33,840 It's important to be able to recognize when someone is feeding you a bunch of nonsense, 439 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:39,000 aka their opinion of something. 440 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:43,360 So the first process is helping you cultivate a positive self-image. 441 00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:51,400 If you have a positive self-image, you are less likely to believe or fall prey to someone's 442 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:57,880 opinions and developing that negative self-talk within your own mind. 443 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:02,440 I'm talking about affirmations and positive self-talk. 444 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:07,120 I'm talking about replacing what's already in your head, the script that you're already 445 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:11,920 playing, the negative script that you're already playing, because you might not think you're 446 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:16,560 good enough or you can't do it or so and so says you can't do it. 447 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:25,360 Replace it with positive self-talk, positive affirmations, stressing the value that you 448 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:28,480 have because you do have value. 449 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:33,420 There is nobody on this planet that doesn't have any value to some degree. 450 00:26:33,420 --> 00:26:35,000 Everybody has value. 451 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:41,360 You just have to believe that you have that value and in doing so, you have to tell yourself, 452 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:43,160 not everyone's going to tell you that. 453 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,080 Some people out there are going to tear you down. 454 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:46,160 They're going to give you their opinion. 455 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,600 They're going to tell you you don't look a certain way. 456 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:53,440 You don't fit a certain thing or a certain style or a certain genre or whatever the case 457 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:59,280 might be, but you have to decide for yourself, am I going to fall prey to that person's opinion 458 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:03,280 or am I going to say, I'm going to take control of my destiny. 459 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:09,480 I am going to believe in myself and I am going to get through this. 460 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:10,480 So positive self-talk. 461 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,480 So rather than saying, yeah, Bob's right. 462 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:14,480 I suck. 463 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,320 I know Bob doesn't know any better. 464 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:17,240 Bob doesn't really know me. 465 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,360 I am good at what I do. 466 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:21,160 I can achieve this. 467 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:22,880 I can become that. 468 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,280 I can go there. 469 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,280 Keep saying that to yourself because what you're going to be doing is you're going to be rewiring 470 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:29,280 your brain. 471 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,200 You've already wired your brain to negativity. 472 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,600 You've already said to yourself, I'm going to become negative. 473 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:39,280 And you said that by constantly thinking that way because someone's opinion of you. 474 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:44,240 So now just reframe your thinking into something more positive. 475 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:48,360 By dismissing that person's opinion and saying they don't have any basis or any proof. 476 00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:49,360 They can't tell the future. 477 00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:53,240 They don't know anything about me because I am me and I know me. 478 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,600 So therefore I can achieve this. 479 00:27:55,600 --> 00:28:00,640 So first thing for affirmations and positive self-talk. 480 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,240 Reflect on your past successes. 481 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:07,040 Folks, I know that some of you might be striving to be a billionaire and that's great. 482 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:08,040 Hey, all the power to you. 483 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:09,040 I think you can do it. 484 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,800 You just got to ask yourself, what is the price I'm willing to pay to go do this? 485 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,720 But this is not what I'm talking about past successes. 486 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:20,480 I'm talking about anything you've done that has helped move you forward and become a positive 487 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:21,560 person. 488 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:24,960 This could be from getting up in the morning on time and getting to work on time. 489 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:31,720 If you're someone who's chronically late or always late to maybe accomplishing a task 490 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,360 that you found difficult or even easy. 491 00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:35,360 It doesn't have to be large. 492 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:37,120 It could be something small. 493 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:41,640 Like today I set out to cook a scrambled egg and it may sound funny, but it's no 494 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:42,640 joke. 495 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,600 Some people can't cook scrambled eggs. 496 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:45,600 I can't cook. 497 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:46,600 Period. 498 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:47,600 I try to cook. 499 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:48,760 I follow directions and it still comes out nasty. 500 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,000 But you know, God bless my family. 501 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,000 They like to eat it. 502 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:57,680 But my point is, if you have any type of success in the past, start to begin to recognize that 503 00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,360 you've been successful. 504 00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:00,360 You've been there. 505 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:01,360 You've done that. 506 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:05,640 So you're able to do it regardless of the size of the success. 507 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:09,480 So again, what is another person's opinion about you not being able to achieve anything 508 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,920 have to do with anything at all because you've already been successful. 509 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:18,120 You've already done these little things or these big things to get you where you are. 510 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:23,040 And yes, success isn't just big things, folks. 511 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:28,240 It could be that small thing like getting up on time, you know, doing a daily list, 512 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:29,640 doing daily affirmations. 513 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:33,200 These are all little successes that you should be celebrating and you should be taking a 514 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:37,200 catalog of what you've done in the past because that could tell you you are capable of doing 515 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:42,200 it again and doing things that are greater and bigger in the future. 516 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:43,920 And here's a big one here, folks, self-compassion. 517 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:44,960 Have self-compassion for yourself. 518 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,040 Be kind to yourself. 519 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:47,040 It's okay. 520 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,760 I give you permission to make mistakes. 521 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:50,760 You're human. 522 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,520 There is no perfection. 523 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:56,200 Perfection to me is a mental disability. 524 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,040 You have some sort of issue when you're growing up. 525 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,520 Maybe you were held to a higher standard. 526 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,200 Maybe you grew up with alcoholic parents. 527 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:10,000 And something has caused you to seek to be perfect, but perfection does not exist. 528 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,080 So be kind to yourself. 529 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:14,840 If you make a mistake, do what they always say, fail forward. 530 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:18,320 Get up, dust yourself off, learn from what you just did and move forward. 531 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:19,880 Say, laugh it off. 532 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:20,880 That was funny. 533 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,480 I tripped and fell over there, but you know what? 534 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,960 I'm going to pick myself up and keep walking. 535 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:25,960 That's all you got to do, folks. 536 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:26,960 It's really that easy. 537 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:31,160 Remember, most 99.9% of the stuff is in your head. 538 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:36,160 All you have to do is rewrite that script and you begin with positive self-talk, reflect 539 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:40,840 on the past successes you've had, and be compassionate to yourself. 540 00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:44,200 Exercise self-compassion. 541 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:45,200 Boundaries is a big thing. 542 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:49,280 If you know me, if anybody knows me, I'm not sure if anybody really knows me, but if you 543 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:53,880 know me, setting boundaries is my biggest, my biggest message in life. 544 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:58,760 Because if you can set boundaries, you can accomplish a lot because what you're doing 545 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:02,820 is just saying, hey, this is where I stop listening to you. 546 00:31:02,820 --> 00:31:06,360 This is where I stop dealing with your nonsense. 547 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:10,360 And this is where I begin my life, how I begin to live for myself. 548 00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:14,400 So setting boundaries, you know, number one, learn to say no. 549 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,000 It's okay to say no. 550 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,040 There are people out there and I get it. 551 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:20,520 I was one of those people that would say yes to everything. 552 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:21,840 I wanted to be a people pleaser. 553 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,400 I wanted to please everybody, but you know what? 554 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,400 Pleasing everybody, you don't please yourself. 555 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,440 You don't get anything done for yourself. 556 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,400 So you have to learn to say no, and it's okay to say no. 557 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,120 Offer a solution, say no, I can't do it today. 558 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:34,120 Can I do it to you tomorrow? 559 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,320 Or no, I can't do it, but maybe so-and-so can help you. 560 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:37,920 Or no, I just can't do it. 561 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:41,360 I just cannot afford the time right now because I'm in the middle of this. 562 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:42,360 And you know what? 563 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,120 If you don't want to have to give an excuse, don't give an excuse. 564 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:46,880 Just say no, I cannot do this. 565 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,400 I appreciate you asking me. 566 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:54,200 I appreciate you, you know, leaning on me, but at this point, I cannot do this. 567 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:58,720 And folks, another thing, in order to not get sucked into the vortex of negativity, limit 568 00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:02,640 yourself, limit your exposure to negativity. 569 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,960 You know, if you're scrolling through social media, don't listen to that crap on social 570 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:06,960 media. 571 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:08,480 99.9% of that stuff is crap anyways. 572 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:12,880 It's a cesspool of information, and it's all bogus and it's people's opinions. 573 00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:16,880 That's all they're doing is they're selling, they're peddling their opinions to you, and 574 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,040 you're buying it. 575 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:22,080 So limit your exposure to that, to the social media, to the negativity around you, to the 576 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,080 news. 577 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,720 The news is designed to suck you in. 578 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:26,720 Stay away from that stuff. 579 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:29,840 That's like a bad toxic drink. 580 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,480 You don't want to be drinking any of that news. 581 00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:36,160 So limit yourself to negativity. 582 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:40,200 And none of this will make any difference if you cannot communicate your boundaries. 583 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:45,200 Being passive aggressive, being assertive, I mean, not being, but being aggressive is 584 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:46,560 not the answer. 585 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:50,920 What you want to do is be able to calmly communicate your boundaries. 586 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:56,240 And it's okay to tell people, listen, I can only take so much of this. 587 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,200 At this point, it's a little too much for me. 588 00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:59,920 I need to step back. 589 00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:05,880 Or while I respect your opinion, because everyone's entitled to it, I'm just going to go ahead 590 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,320 and say no and bypass that today. 591 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,160 But thank you for sharing. 592 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:13,080 It's always good to hear another person's perspective. 593 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:14,880 These are things that I say to people. 594 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,920 And so I recommend that you do the same as well. 595 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:22,240 Create your boundaries, let them know where you stand and how people should treat you. 596 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:24,240 Don't let them walk all over you. 597 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:29,880 Okay, folks, so we've talked about cultivating a positive self image and a few steps to do 598 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:30,880 that. 599 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:37,360 And also just as we just finished up on setting boundaries, you know, makes specifically 600 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:42,200 communicating those boundaries so that people understand where you stand and how far they 601 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:47,560 can and cannot, you know, push you. 602 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:51,360 Next week, I want to get into developing a growth mindset. 603 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:52,720 So what is a growth mindset? 604 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:58,920 There are two types of mindsets that personal development coaches talk about a lot. 605 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,640 And that's the fixed mindset. 606 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:02,960 And then the growth mindset. 607 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,520 So a fixed mindset is exactly what it says. 608 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:06,520 It's fixed. 609 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:07,520 You're not changing it. 610 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:08,800 So if I'm this way, this is how I am. 611 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,000 This is how I think. 612 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,200 And that's it. 613 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:21,480 A growth mindset, a person with a growth mindset is open to new ideas and experiences, to understanding 614 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:28,320 and to expanding their personality, expanding their beliefs, expanding who they are. 615 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:32,520 They're open to growth in essence. 616 00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:39,360 So the first thing you want to do when you're embracing a growth mindset is embrace challenges. 617 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:47,840 Look at opinions or other people's criticism as opportunities for growth rather than threats 618 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:49,440 to your self-worth. 619 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:55,000 If you change your view and you take a look at it as an opportunity for growth and not 620 00:34:55,000 --> 00:35:02,160 a threat to your self-worth, you'll begin to transform the way you see and hear these 621 00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:06,120 opinions and people's criticism. 622 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:12,080 You will begin to make you look deeper into yourself and say, do I need to make this change? 623 00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:17,720 If he's saying that I cannot be this person, how can that be possible? 624 00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:19,240 I know that I can be this person. 625 00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:23,880 What do I need to do to grow to become that person? 626 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:27,080 Your mindset shifts versus accepting defeat. 627 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:28,760 Yeah, he says I'm not going to be this person. 628 00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:30,920 So therefore, it must be true. 629 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,680 Even though there's no facts or evidence for that, I'm just going to go take it at face 630 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,760 value because he said it. 631 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:39,120 So embrace challenges. 632 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:40,120 Learn from your failure. 633 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:41,360 And this is one of my biggest things. 634 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:45,400 This is the thing I've always asked my kids, hey, you made a mistake or even my employees 635 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,680 when I've worked with teams, you made a mistake. 636 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:50,680 Did you learn from it? 637 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:51,680 What did you learn? 638 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:52,680 Are you going to do it again? 639 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:53,680 Move on. 640 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:54,680 And that's it. 641 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:55,680 There's no reprimand. 642 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,080 I don't reprimand them. 643 00:35:57,080 --> 00:36:00,320 There's no beating them down or making them feel worse than they already feel because 644 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:01,320 they're going to do that for themselves. 645 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,180 They're going to feel bad for themselves. 646 00:36:03,180 --> 00:36:06,320 So I don't have an opinion on the mistake they made. 647 00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,280 I just want to know, did they learn from that mistake? 648 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:09,280 What did they learn? 649 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:10,960 What was the outcome and what are they going to do next? 650 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:14,760 So my advice is learn from your failures. 651 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:18,600 And one way to shift your mind is to understand that your failure is part of the learning 652 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,880 process. 653 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,840 There's this saying, and I don't know if I'm going to get the quote right, but Thomas Edison 654 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:29,680 said, I have not failed when asked about the light bulb. 655 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:34,240 There's a saying from Thomas Edison that, and it goes something like this here, when 656 00:36:34,240 --> 00:36:39,960 he's asked about his failures, he says, I have not failed 10,000 times for I have found 657 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,840 10,000 ways that won't work or something like that. 658 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:44,240 I'm paraphrasing. 659 00:36:44,240 --> 00:36:46,920 So the same thing should apply to you. 660 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:54,760 Don't look at the failure that you're, don't look at your failure as failure in a vacuum. 661 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,300 Look at it as an opportunity for growth. 662 00:36:58,300 --> 00:37:01,000 So if someone comes to you with an opinion that you can't do it because you haven't done 663 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:06,200 it before and your response is, well, that's fine, but I'm trying it a different way. 664 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,720 And I'll keep doing it a different way until I get to the promised land or where I want 665 00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:10,720 to be. 666 00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:12,000 And that's my approach. 667 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,800 You can make all the fun, you can make fun of me. 668 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:14,800 You can call me names. 669 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:15,800 You could ridicule me. 670 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:16,800 You could say it's not going to work. 671 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,160 I'm going to laugh right back in your face because I'm going to say, yes, it will. 672 00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:20,680 It just didn't work that way. 673 00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:21,680 It will work this way. 674 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:23,560 And if it doesn't work this way, then it will work another way. 675 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:26,720 And I'll keep finding my way because I know it doesn't defy physics. 676 00:37:26,720 --> 00:37:30,760 And if something doesn't defy physics on this planet in our life, we can achieve it. 677 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,360 So your opinion again is moot. 678 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:38,000 And folks, there are countless stories of people who have failed and have become very 679 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,000 successful. 680 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,100 Look at all the top businesses. 681 00:37:40,100 --> 00:37:41,100 Look at Steve Jobs. 682 00:37:41,100 --> 00:37:44,080 He was fired from Apple for Christ's sake. 683 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:50,200 I mean, look at the plethora of other people out there, scientists, engineers, designers, 684 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:55,240 inventors, who have all failed, but yet picked themselves up and kept going. 685 00:37:55,240 --> 00:38:01,640 Can you imagine the world we would live in if all those people decided, hey, I failed 686 00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:02,640 one time. 687 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:03,640 I'm not doing it again. 688 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:05,000 We probably wouldn't have the light bulb. 689 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,000 I mean, maybe we would. 690 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:09,600 Someone else would come along and do it, but it would have delayed the invention of the 691 00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:10,600 light bulb. 692 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,280 It would have delayed the invention of aviation. 693 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:17,800 It would have delayed the invention of mass transportation. 694 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:21,040 It would have delayed our exploration of space. 695 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:26,280 So these all had failures built into them and they still fail and they still make adjustments 696 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,160 and learn from those failures. 697 00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:35,200 So, so learning from failure should be part of your curriculum, so to speak, part of your 698 00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:39,600 learning process, regardless of what you do in life. 699 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,680 And one of my favorites is continuous learning. 700 00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,920 Learning is a lifelong journey. 701 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:51,440 And I don't mean just going to sit into an institutionalized facility to learn from a 702 00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:52,440 book. 703 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:53,440 That's one way to learn. 704 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,840 And a lot of people do well that way and then they stop. 705 00:38:55,840 --> 00:39:02,920 I'm talking about lifelong learning, reading, observing, communicating, listening, you know, 706 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:05,520 trying out new things, exploring, traveling. 707 00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,760 These are all ways you can learn. 708 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:08,840 Reading is the number one. 709 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:09,840 Read books. 710 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:11,760 Read all kinds of books, not just fiction. 711 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:12,760 Read nonfiction. 712 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,600 Read magazine articles. 713 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:20,280 I probably would read the news the least because it's, again, got a lot of opinion in there 714 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,640 and it's trying to distort your mind. 715 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:24,000 But read history books. 716 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,040 I mean, talk to people. 717 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,640 Talk to people who from other countries. 718 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:28,720 You're going to learn a lot. 719 00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:31,760 So always keep learning. 720 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:35,440 So embracing your challenges, learning from failure and turning that failure into part 721 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:41,920 of your learning experience and continuous learning through different sources and people 722 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:43,920 all help develop your growth mindset. 723 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:52,360 So all will all help build resilience so that you don't fall prey to other people's opinions, 724 00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:56,120 negative opinions that keep you down and destroy your self-worth. 725 00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:57,120 Okay. 726 00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:00,760 And finally, we have resilience building techniques. 727 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:06,160 These are some general techniques that you can deploy in your own daily routine to help 728 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,040 you build resilience. 729 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:11,720 And we're going to kick it off with one of my favorites and that is mindfulness and meditation. 730 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:17,040 And I know if you have not heard about mindfulness by now, you've probably been living under 731 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,120 a rock because it's everywhere. 732 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:20,440 It's in every book. 733 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:21,440 It's on TV. 734 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:26,880 It's you can't get past a week or day without hearing mindfulness somewhere. 735 00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:28,920 But it works, folks. 736 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:30,760 Try some meditation. 737 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,520 There's apps that help guide you through meditation. 738 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,360 There's courses online that are paid and free. 739 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:42,200 There's also yoga classes that you can take at a fitness center that will help center 740 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:47,240 you because when you practice mindfulness and meditation, it helps center you and calm 741 00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:52,320 you down and it reduces the impact of external negativity on your mind because you begin 742 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,960 to be able to drown that stuff out. 743 00:40:54,960 --> 00:41:00,800 People talk and yapp and flapping their gums all day long, but you're able, you're able 744 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,240 to drown it out with a little bit of meditation. 745 00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:06,840 I promise you it works because I've been doing it for the last several years. 746 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,840 I do it every morning, 10 to 15 minutes in the morning. 747 00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:11,000 I practice on my breathing. 748 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:15,160 I sit there, center myself, calms me down, preps me for the day, and then I do another 749 00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:16,880 recap in the evening before I go to bed. 750 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:22,840 So I'm not taking all that toxic, toxic grime and crap from the day with me to sleep because 751 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:26,440 I don't want to go to bed all agitated and amped up because that's what the day will 752 00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:31,600 do to you if you're working or if you're listening to the news or basically listening to people. 753 00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:35,360 And I know you're probably not going to like this next one, but physical activity folks, 754 00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:40,360 physical activity, there is nothing in this world that's a better substitute for physical 755 00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:43,120 activity than physical activity itself. 756 00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:46,680 Because when you engage in physical activity, what you're doing is you're boosting your 757 00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:51,500 mental resilience by reducing stress and improving your mood. 758 00:41:51,500 --> 00:41:56,280 So this means, this doesn't mean go into a gym and pump out some iron and you know, 759 00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,440 come out, I'm caveman, look at me. 760 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:00,440 That's not what this means. 761 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:06,520 I'm talking about getting your heart rate up just enough to help you reduce some of your 762 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:07,680 stress. 763 00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:10,160 This could be a walk around your neighborhood. 764 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:13,960 If you have a track or a park, if you have a treadmill in the house, heck, if you have 765 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:19,360 your backyard, my mom walks in her backyard, she goes round and round in circles. 766 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:24,480 If you've got stairs, go up and down the stairs, get up several times a day, but walk. 767 00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:31,440 If it's painful, walk a little, build up your strength, but move your body because sitting 768 00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:35,480 stagnant is not going to help you. 769 00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:38,200 It's not going to de-stress you. 770 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,040 It's not going to build up your resilience. 771 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:47,480 It's going to sit there and aggravate you, cause you to gain weight and ultimately beat 772 00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:53,040 yourself down because you're not moving and not being productive and gain social support 773 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:54,040 too. 774 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,000 It's really helpful if you have friends or family. 775 00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:02,840 Heck, if you don't have friends or family, it's not a, it's, it's not doomsday. 776 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:09,600 There are community, communities out there that you can join, even online chat forums. 777 00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:12,920 But if you're going to do that, remember, you don't want to get sucked into the negativity 778 00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:15,440 because there's a lot of that going on online as well. 779 00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:20,480 So you got to be very careful about the online stuff, but seek out friends, family, coworkers, 780 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:22,360 get a buddy, go have a drink. 781 00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,400 If you don't drink, that's fine. 782 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:29,000 Have some chips and salsa or some vegan food, whatever it is you do, whatever, whatever 783 00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,120 your stick is, do it. 784 00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,920 If you just want to sit down and have a conversation, do it. 785 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,720 But everybody needs somebody to talk to, somebody to support them. 786 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:41,040 But don't take advantage of that person either because that's, that's the key here. 787 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:45,400 If you have a support system, don't start complaining. 788 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:49,280 And if you haven't heard my podcast on complaining, I would go back and listen to that one because 789 00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:52,680 nobody wants to hear you complain because that doesn't help you and it doesn't help the other 790 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,200 person. 791 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:58,000 But what you want to do is have somebody that can support you and kind of be like a cheerleader 792 00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,720 for you and help you along the way and someone you can talk to as well. 793 00:44:01,720 --> 00:44:07,400 And in the end, if you need more help, you can always seek the guidance of a professional 794 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:11,960 counselor and there is nothing wrong with seeing a counselor. 795 00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:17,400 I know in some cultures and in some groups of people, seeing a psych carries a negative 796 00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:18,400 stigma. 797 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:19,600 Everybody explains something to you. 798 00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:23,560 If you have a heart problem, you go see a heart doctor. 799 00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:27,520 If you have acid reflux, you see a gastrointestinal doctor. 800 00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,800 If you have anything else with you, you see that specialized doctor. 801 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,920 The same thing goes with your thinking and your mind. 802 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,040 If you have a problem thinking, if you have a problem keeping in control, if you have 803 00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:41,240 a problem with self-esteem, seek help. 804 00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:48,040 And there's nothing wrong with that because you may not know how to access the tools inside 805 00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:52,000 of your mind to get you to where you need to go to become resilient. 806 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,360 So asking help is nothing wrong. 807 00:44:54,360 --> 00:45:00,200 And if someone says it is, again, it's their opinion and why does it matter? 808 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:04,520 Because it's just their belief system and it's not based on anything because science 809 00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:08,600 backs getting help with your psychology, with your mental state. 810 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:13,400 Okay, folks, I want to thank you if you're stuck with me because that means the world 811 00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:14,400 to me. 812 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:15,400 No, it really does. 813 00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:19,480 And also, you should pat yourself on the back because you were able to stomach and handle 814 00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:22,040 my conversation here with you. 815 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,680 That's an accomplishment you can write in your little journal. 816 00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:29,240 I accomplished the goal of listening to Alan's podcast. 817 00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:30,760 But no, I really do appreciate it. 818 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:35,160 And what I really want to say is that you have everything you need inside your head 819 00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:37,800 to do the things that you want to do in this life. 820 00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:38,800 You just have to believe it. 821 00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:44,920 And the first step to believing it is just accepting that you can do it. 822 00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:48,080 And then start to build that resilience. 823 00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:51,760 And then you'll see your life progress and transform. 824 00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:58,000 I guarantee you, folks, it's been a long journey for me, but I have arrived. 825 00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,040 And now I want to share that with you. 826 00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:07,280 And I know you too can overcome other people's opinions and rise above it, build that self-esteem, 827 00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:13,120 build that self-belief, build that efficacy, and get yourself to the promised land or the 828 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,240 place you want to go wherever that is. 829 00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:44,360 Alright, folks, thanks for listening and I'll catch you on the next podcast.