All right, nobody really cares.
If you think about it, I mean,
you're gonna get people to think that they care.
They're gonna be very good empathetic listeners
and they're gonna sit there
and they're gonna stare you in the eyes,
they're gonna nod their head,
they're gonna touch you on the shoulder
and they're gonna go, oh, it's gonna be okay.
But really, if you're a chronic complainer,
nobody cares.
I mean, people get feeling overwhelmed by negativity
when they hear complainers.
Even complainers are negative
and they don't even realize it.
So if you want to improve your relationships,
you wanna get that feeling of negativity,
that overwhelming negativity out of your system,
or you just want to enhance your wellbeing and mental health,
this episode's for you.
Welcome to Life Unscripted,
the podcast that just sucker punches you in the face
with the hard truth that life has no script
and everything you've been taught is an illusion.
I'm your host Alan Stafford.
Join me as we dive into one of my biggest pet peeves
and I guarantee yours too,
whether you're guilty or not, complaining.
I think you're gonna relate well to this story.
It's about old people
and I'm not even sure if that's a politically correct term
nowadays.
Do they have a pronoun?
I mean, the aged, the beautifully younger, older crowd,
I mean, I don't know,
but I just call them the elderly or the old people.
So they like to bitch, they like to nag.
I mean, if you don't know,
I mean, okay, I can't say that all of them do,
but you've seen them, they complain about everything.
I mean, they complain about the price of fuel.
Wait, I do that too.
Does that make me old?
They complain about food.
They complain about politics.
They complain about the kids, the sound, the birds,
the sky, the rain, whatever it is
that comes across their mind, they complain about it.
And you know who I'm talking about.
You could have, so it could be you yourself
that's an elderly or blissfully youthful old person.
So growing up, my grandmother,
my grandmother on my mom's side,
complained about everything and everyone.
Every other word was a complaint.
So that probably explains why my grandfather
was always so quiet sitting on the couch.
I mean, he feared he would end up on her list of complaints.
And you know what?
He did, because she would always complain.
He doesn't say anything.
So you can't win for losing
when you're dealing with a complainer.
And that's the point of my story.
Everybody complains.
Some people complain more.
They're chronic complainers and nobody wants to hear you.
They really don't.
But we're gonna talk about that.
We're also gonna talk about not all complaining is bad
if it's done constructively.
As a matter of fact, some statistics are out there
that the average person complains 15 to 30 times per day.
15 to 30 times per day.
Imagine that.
Can you imagine what a chronic complainer does?
Everything they say, I know a chronic complainer.
Seriously, I know one.
There's never anything positive out of this person's mouth.
It's always complaining,
whether it be the drivers on the road,
whether it be family members, whether it be work.
Work is the worst that they complain about.
But there's a complainer.
I know it's just like, but their entire life,
if you look at their life, if you look at them,
it's reflective of how they complain.
It's very negative.
It's very dismal.
It's sadness, you know?
And statistically, complaining for 30 minutes
could physically damage your brain.
No, it really could.
This is not a joke.
I mean, I know I joke a lot, but this is not a joke.
It can damage your brain.
What it does is it rewires your brain, neuroplasticity.
Rewires your brain when you're constantly
in that state of negativity,
and that's what complaining is.
There's nothing positive out of complaining.
And as a matter of fact,
when you're driving with someone, listen to them.
Don't say a word.
Just listen to whoever you're with.
If not even if you're driving, if you're at home,
or if you're at work, count how many times they complain.
You'll be overwhelmed.
You'll be surprised to see how many times
a person complains.
And it could be something as that's too hot,
which is pretty common.
Or it could be that's too cold,
or why is she wearing that?
Or look at his hair.
These are all complaints.
And when you're stuck in that rut constantly,
it rewires your brain.
I know we think we feel better by complaining,
but it's actually doing more damage to us.
Not only to the brain, but to our body.
Look, our brains don't wanna work harder
than it absolutely has to.
And we can tell by a lot of people out there
that they don't wanna work hard with their brains at all.
They're actually brains that probably
don't even work at, period.
Just take a look at politics.
But we're not gonna get into politics on this episode.
So by complaining, here's what happens.
And this is according to a 1996 Stanford study.
We've already talked about the 30 minutes
and the 30 times a day,
but 30 minutes or longer can physically damage the brain.
As I said, complaining can cause the hippocampus.
It's a part of the brain to shrink.
And that's the part of the brain
that's responsible for learning.
It's also responsible for emotions
and forming new memories.
Think about that, folks.
30 minutes or longer of constant complaining
can physically damage your brain.
It can rewire it.
I know some of you are thinking,
well, I don't feel drunk,
or I don't feel like I got brain damage.
Well, if you keep complaining,
that's a good sign that you are rewiring your brain.
And here's the kicker.
The more you complain,
can cause you to rewire your brain
to complain more in the future.
So let me say this another way.
If you're complaining constantly,
that complaining leads to more complaining in the future
because you're rewiring your brain to complain.
Sounds like the beginning of a rap song.
Rewire the brain to complain.
And here's another thing about complaining.
Complaining, as I complain about complaining,
complaining can also cause people
to become negativity addicts.
So you've heard of sugar addicts, drug addicts, alcoholics.
Well, I'm introducing you to the negativity addict.
And yes, there's such a thing,
which leads to basically black and white thinking.
And that's it.
There's no gray area.
There's no rational.
There's no critical thinking.
There's no looking at possibility.
It's one way or the other.
And I'm gonna tell you right now,
I know you know people like that.
They're in your family,
they're your friends or your coworkers.
They're the guy at the gas station
or at the line that's supermarket complaining
about something and it's black and white.
You've seen them, you've been exposed to them
and don't deny it.
We now understand, as I've been saying this,
that complaining rewires the brain
if you do it for 30 minutes or more.
I don't know.
I don't think there's a timer in your head that says,
oh, he's hit 30 minutes.
Now we're gonna start damaging his brain.
I think it's just a general rule.
Okay, so don't hold me to that 30 minutes.
And I'll say, no, I can complain for 29 minutes
and I'm gonna be fine the rest of the day.
No, that's not how it works.
And I'm sure some people's brains are affected more
quickly than not.
But here's something else that complaining does.
It doesn't just damage your brain.
It impacts your body, your health.
When we complain, the hormone cortisol
is released into our body.
This is also responsible for our fight or flight response.
When our fight or flight response is activated,
our brain redirects that blood, oxygen, and energy
away from our non-essential systems.
Repeated complaining results in cortisol
being released at higher levels.
And you know what that does to us?
That puts us at more risk of developing heart disease,
high cholesterol, diabetes, obesity, and strokes.
And no, I'm not saying every fat person out there
is a complainer, but then again, you never know.
They might be complainers, because they're obese.
But it does lead to more damaging health issues,
such as, like I said, high cholesterol, diabetes,
and stroke alongside of obesity.
One study published in the archives of General Psychiatry
found that on average, optimists tend to live longer
than pessimists.
Pessimists is somebody negative who always thinks
they're negative or talks negatively, just in case you
didn't know.
Optimists were found to have 55% lower risk of death
across all causes and were 23% less likely to die
of heart disease.
So look at folks, if you cut out red meat, if you eat
like a vegan and you don't complain, you're gonna live
forever.
Well, I don't know about that.
But if you're reduced in complaining, the chronic
complaining, then you can improve your health.
And we're gonna talk about good constructive
complaining too and how that makes social change
or changes in the workplace.
So not all complaining is equal and not all complaining
is bad, just chronic complaining constantly.
So folks, I guess to sum up with this, to sum up
the studies here, basically it's kind of telling you
you're constant bitching is killing you.
And you thought fast food or red meat was gonna get you
at your damn thoughts, guys.
It's just your thoughts.
Stop thinking negatively and stop complaining too.
So another impact of complaining.
And I want you to take a moment, if you're a complainer,
I'm not gonna call you out, you're gonna know
that you're a complainer and some people who'll say,
I don't complain at all, but you do, okay?
But if you're a complainer, aside from the alleged
brain damage that constant chronic complaining does
and the health impact it can have on you over time,
complaining has another impact, which is not a direct
health impact, but it's a social and reputational impact.
Constant complainers create social isolation.
Think about that for a second.
If you're not a complainer and you know a complainer,
how often are you gravitated towards that complainer?
You say, hey, I really want to hang out with you
because I love hearing you complain about stuff.
Now, don't get me wrong, there are some people
who love a good gossip, but in general, you don't want
to be around a complainer any more than a complainer.
Well, I wasn't going anywhere with that,
but you don't want to be around a complainer at all
because it's insanity, pure insanity.
So the question comes into play,
how do we transform our complaining
into something more positive?
All right, so as I mentioned earlier in the segment
or earlier in the podcast, that not all complaining is bad.
I mean, there's actually some good when it comes
about complaining like Steve Jobs,
he was the former CEO who passed away of Apple.
He complained, he was a perfectionist,
but his complaining about imperfect products in his mind
led to great innovations, led to the iPod,
led to the iPhone, led to the iPad.
So not all complaining is bad in that case.
Also, if you take a look at it,
it can bring about social change.
I mean, good constructive complaining like Greta Thunberg,
I think it's Thunberg, Greta Thunberg,
the young activist, environmental activist,
constantly complaining about humans' impact
on the environment, that brings about good social change.
It doesn't necessarily translate.
Now, some people are gonna think,
oh, she needs to stop complaining.
She's just a little kid, blah, blah, blah.
But the reality is, doesn't matter.
Any activist out there complaining,
if they're doing it constructively, brings about social change.
And even in the workplace,
if you take a look at the workplace,
employees who complain, for example,
they don't have a good lunch room.
Enough complaining will bring about a change
within the organization.
If the organization values their employees,
they'll create a lunch room,
or they'll create a policy to have free lunch once a month,
or whatever the case might be.
And I know you probably have been in that situation
where people at work have complained about something
and have made a change.
So all that complaining is fine.
That's good constructive complaining.
It's not chronic, it's not ongoing,
unless they're trying to make a change.
But the chronic complaining is the part
that's doing the damage to humanity itself,
to people itself.
So then we come up to the question,
the question about how do we transform our complaining?
I mean, can we stop cold turkey?
Is it like stop smoking, stop drinking,
stopping drugs?
I don't even think you can stop those cold turkey.
You gotta have some assistance, right?
So let's go through some of the steps
on how we can help you become less complaining.
And don't worry folks, if you're not the complainer,
I'm gonna give you some tips on how you can help people
who are complainers in your life.
That'll be coming up later on.
So first and foremost, first and foremost,
here's the thing, you have to recognize
that you're a complainer, self-awareness.
You have to, I mean, not everybody has self-awareness.
I guarantee you, go ask,
I bet you know somebody right now that if you said,
hey, you're a chronic complainer,
they're gonna go, oh, I'm not a chronic complainer,
you're the chronic complainer.
I don't complain at all, you're the one always complaining.
Yeah, so you're gonna come across people like that,
but here's the thing, if you're the complainer,
recognize that you're the complainer,
recognize that you have this problem,
you can read people's body language,
you can tell if they're interested,
and most of the time they're probably not.
You can tell if you're constantly complaining
because it's not positive coming out of your mouth.
You might think it's positive, but it's not.
So you wanna identify triggers.
Pay attention to the situation,
people are feeling that trigger your complaints.
What is it, is it work, is it road rage?
Look, I'm gonna be the first to tell ya.
Well, I might not be the first to tell ya,
there might be family members of mine
that be the first to tell ya,
but I had chronic road rage when I was younger,
chronic man, I would just like out of control.
Then I realized the impact it was having
on those in my vehicle, especially in my daughter.
So I began to slip away from that, change my thinking.
Now I'm at a point to where, yeah,
it's gonna slip out on occasion, but for the most part,
I don't even let it bother me anymore.
So I had enough self-awareness,
and I knew that the trigger was somebody doing something
dumb in front of me in a vehicle.
At least what I perceived to be dumb,
it may not have been dumb to them.
It may have been completely an innocent mistake,
but I took it differently, because of my mindset.
But I identified that trigger,
and I began to change that trigger,
so now it doesn't have an impact on me.
So the first thing is you wanna identify those triggers.
If it's something someone says at home,
or someone does at home, or at work,
begin to take note of that.
If you have to journal it, write it down.
There's nothing wrong with keeping a little journal,
putting a little caption, triggers.
Well, you might wanna preface it,
so if somebody doesn't pick up the book,
they think, oh, this is a hit list.
They got triggers on me.
No, you wanna identify your triggers,
and what's causing you to start that complaining process.
Could it be just a familiar face?
You might just see your loved one,
and I'm gonna go, oh, good, they're home.
I have someone to complain to.
Well, it's not good for them.
I'm telling you that right now.
They don't like it.
They're not gonna tell you that sometimes,
but they just don't like it, and they don't wanna hear it,
and it does have an impact on them as well as you.
So once you've identified the triggers,
reflect on the frequency.
We talked about having a journal.
If you keep a journal and you write your triggers
and you note it every time you do it,
chances are you're gonna see a pattern.
Maybe you complain in the morning.
Maybe you complain at night.
Maybe you complain day and night.
Maybe you complain when someone looks at you a certain way.
You're gonna find that frequency.
You're gonna find what's triggering you,
and then you can begin to make the change.
Again, this all goes back to self-awareness.
First, you have to recognize that you complain.
There's no point in doing anything
if you don't recognize it.
And this last one here, wait, not this last one.
And this one here is probably a big one.
Understand the impact.
Consider how your complaints affect your mood
and those around you,
and that's the one thing that made me change.
I'm a firm believer that if I have loved ones near me,
it's not my job to get them riled up.
It's my job to protect them,
not just physically, but emotionally as well.
And that to me is what love is.
You protect them emotionally.
By complaining, you're not doing that.
You're deteriorating.
You're chopping at a tree little by little
until that tree falls and then that's your relationship.
So what you don't wanna do is complain
in front of people that are your loved ones.
It's okay on occasion, if you're having a bad day,
I'm not saying completely knockout complaining.
I'm saying if you're a chronic complainer,
you're gonna need to tone that back,
taking into consideration those people around you.
Now, hey, if you're at a party
and you don't wanna talk to somebody, start complaining.
They'll probably leave.
That'll be a great way to get rid of them.
I may even have to try that one.
And here's the biggest thing about complainers.
Complainers are not solution seekers.
And so by going through this exercise with you
and by discussing complaining
and how to remove the complaining
or how to transform your complaining
into something more positive,
you wanna be a solution seeker.
Focus on what you can control.
Can you control the guy's expression
that triggers your complaining?
Can you control your boss?
Can you control the guy in the car in front of you
who made a right hand turn and wasn't even aware of you?
Cause they probably got something else going on in their life
and it triggered you.
You can't control any of that.
So first of all, what you wanna do is focus
on what you can control.
Instead of dwelling on the problem direct,
your energy towards what you can change or influence.
You can change your attitude.
You can change your attitude completely.
You're in total control of that, your attitude.
So start with that.
Rather than worrying about someone else's behavior,
put your behavior in check.
And taking this proactive stance can reduce the feelings
of helplessness and frustration within you.
Folks, it's all about you right now,
helping you overcome the complaining,
helping you improve your mental state, your health.
And of course, let's not get some brain,
let's not have brain damage with this.
Next, what you wanna do is adopt a solution oriented
mindset folks, train your mind to think of potential solutions
or, or I got tongue twisted.
I was so excited to get this information out to you.
Train your mind to think of potential solutions
or alternatives as soon as you recognize
the complaint forming in your mind.
It's like a cloud, a storm brewing.
You see the cloud starting to come.
What are you gonna do?
You're gonna run inside, you know,
you're gonna get your umbrella or get a jacket.
The same thing applies to complaining.
Begin to recognize.
And that's if you start journaling, journaling,
and identifying your triggers,
you'll begin to recognize when your complaint begins to form.
And then you start and go, oh, wait a second,
how can I solve this?
I'm telling you guys to complain a lot folks.
This is why it's one of my biggest pet peeves now.
And I learn to train my mind to say,
rather than complaining, how can I solve this?
What can I do that's in my control
that can take charge and solve the problem?
And if there's nothing I can do physically,
mentally, I can step back and go, I can't solve this,
but there's no point in complaining
because that's not gonna help.
That's not gonna do anything.
It's not even gonna make me feel better
because in the long run, it's gonna hurt my health.
So you gotta be in that same mindset.
And then you wanna involve others in problem solving.
So if the issue affects more than just you,
you engage others in brainstorming solutions,
and it's okay, here's the scenario.
You come in, you're complaining about your job,
and you realize, oh, I'm complaining about my job again,
or I'm complaining about my health again.
How can I solve this?
Well, I can't really change my boss.
I can have a conversation with my boss,
or I can find another job.
As far as health wise, you can say,
well, I'm overweight, what do I do?
I can get up and go to the gym.
Oh, I don't wanna get up and go to the gym.
Well, then that's not a solution.
Or you can say, I don't wanna eat,
you see the candy bar, reach for the candy bar,
you have a moment of weakness,
and stop and go, no, I don't wanna eat the candy bar,
grab a piece of fruit, grab a piece of vegetable.
You're not gonna like it at first if you don't eat it,
but it's an acquired taste, folks.
These are solutions to your problems, to your complaining.
And when you involve others in your problem solving,
when you're asking and seeking solutions with their help,
because you may not have the answers.
I don't expect you to have all the answers.
I mean, you may not know how to lose weight,
you may not know how to find another job.
This might be a job you've had for 20 years,
then it's okay to seek the advice of others
who've probably been there or know how to do these things.
It helps build bridges and also helps
with creative problem solving.
And it helps train you to see things a different way
from another person's perspective.
Alrighty, when we come back,
I'm gonna be talking about how you can express
your needs constructively, okay?
So we've come this far and we talked about,
rather than complaining, finding solutions,
but I'm gonna help you go to the next step
by how you can express yourself,
your need constructively,
without complaining when we come back.
Alright, welcome back.
I forgot where we were.
I'm just kidding, I know where I'm at.
So express your needs constructively.
So look it, we've talked about the damage complaining does
so far, we've talked about what you should do
or some strategies for you to employ
when you realize you're the complainer
and you wanna change, you wanna make that transformation
from complainer to solution seeker, okay?
Now, let's talk about how you can express yourself
in the process, because if you don't know
how to express yourself, you're still gonna complain
and you're not solving the problem.
I mean, you might complain once or twice,
but most people will keep complaining
and they're not solving the problem.
So part of that transformation is to solution seeker
from complainer is to better understand
how to express yourself.
So the first thing is, and I know you've heard this before,
use I statements, because when you use you statements,
you're becoming accusatory of someone else
and that's not gonna set well with them
and that's not even gonna lead to any sort of bridge building
or resolution, that's gonna lead
to probably another argument.
So as I said, use I statements, okay?
Let's communicate your feelings and needs
without blaming others, as we just mentioned.
So for example, you don't wanna say I feel frustrated when,
blah, blah, blah, instead of saying you always make me feel,
because again, remember what I said earlier,
that is a primer for an argument,
because what you do now is you're throwing that
onto the other person and they're gonna be defensive,
like, oh no, wait a second, that's not my problem, buddy.
You also wanna be specific and clear.
You wanna clearly articulate what is bothering you
and I know some people have a hard time
with expressing themselves, but you know,
you're gonna have to rise above it.
You're gonna have to rise above it
and just express yourself, because really,
if you do it in a very constructive, positive manner,
people are gonna be very receptive of that.
So what you wanna do is clearly articulate
what is bothering you and what change you'd like to see.
Don't be vague, don't be like kick and dust around
with your head down, well, you know,
kinda like, you know, being whimsical about it.
Just come out and say, look it,
I feel frustrated when you don't listen to me,
when I'm speaking to you about a matter
that I find important.
Most people will be receptive to that type of conversation.
If they're not, they're probably not the person
you wanna be dealing with.
They're not probably a very rational person,
even though we're not really rational beings,
but we've learned to become rational.
So if you're talking to someone
and they're not receptive to you,
if you approach them that way,
then there's probably another issue
and then you're still gonna have to dig deeper
to find that solution first before you come back to
what's bothering you.
But that's a whole different podcast.
And then you wanna choose the right time and place, folks.
Look it, if there's a problem and you're at a family dinner,
don't start up with your emotional,
don't have an amygdala hijack where you're amygdala,
the emotional part of your brain just hijacks you
and starts spewing hatred or all these complaints
and gripes about the person.
That's not the time or place.
It really isn't because what it does
is it brings everybody's mood down
in a time when people want to be uplifted.
So choose the right time and place
to address your concerns.
So this might have to wait.
So you might have to learn a little bit of patience.
So let's say, let's go to a scenario.
Let's say you're at a dinner party
with your family and friends
and all of a sudden, Aunt Betty is there,
Aunt Betty is everywhere,
but Aunt Betty is at this party
and Aunt Betty says something that triggers you
and then you're gonna start complaining about it.
Because maybe she does something and you don't like it,
so you start complaining.
And then you want to address her.
Well, that's not the place to address her
right there in front of everybody
because what you're gonna do is you're gonna incite her
to continue to argue and complain to you
and then the complaining is gonna go back and forth.
So what you want to do, you could ask her nicely
if you can come to another room
where we can have a private conversation,
if you want to address it there
or you can address it after the party,
whatever you feel comfortable with
but at least find the right time to do it.
Don't say, hey, Aunt Betty, you're eating your dinner
right now, let's get your butt up
and let's go upstairs and talk about this
because that's not what I'm talking about
for the right time and place, okay?
So you see folks, there's solutions to complaining
and they're very practical solutions
and it takes time.
It's not gonna happen overnight.
I promise you it's not gonna happen overnight.
It didn't happen overnight for me.
It took me quite a while, we'll say months.
You know, sometimes even years
depending on what I complained about
but really in the end, it does transform your life
if you are proactive and cognizant
and have that self-awareness
which all that meant the same thing.
You understand that?
I hope you do and I think you do
because if you didn't,
you wouldn't be listening this far into my podcast.
When we come back, we're gonna turn the tables.
We're gonna assume that you are not the chronic complainer
but that somebody else in your life
is the chronic complainer and you wanna help them.
You're coming from a place of love and compassion
and you wanna help them to better themselves
to save their brain from being damaged
to help their health and just make them a
general well-rounded positive person.
We'll talk about that when we come back.
Okay, we're back and the topic for this segment is
if you're not the complainer,
how do you encourage others not to complain?
Well, my solution is run fast, get out of there.
No, you don't wanna do that.
Although sometimes I do, I just wanna get out of there.
I don't wanna hear you complain.
I'm now at a point where I don't wanna hear people complain.
I just don't wanna hear it.
I don't care, you know?
I don't care about your choice of politics.
I don't care what so-and-so is doing to the country
because I can't make a change.
All I can do is control myself
and while I try to help people not complain
by helping them understand that there's a lot more
to the story than they're telling
and that leads them to complain,
they just goes in one ear and out the other ear.
But we're gonna talk about how you
can help people who complain.
If it works, great.
If it doesn't, then it's probably time to move on
and not have a conversation with them.
So the first thing, and you've probably heard this before,
and it's lead by example, folks.
If you want someone to behave in a certain way,
model that behavior for them.
You know, actively show how focusing on positive aspects
of situations can actually lead
to better outcomes and feelings.
I mean, if you're doing the positive stuff,
if you're talking positively,
one or two things are gonna happen.
Either they're gonna just shut up and not say anything
or they're going to gradually become more positive.
I guess the third thing could happen,
they could just say screw you and take off.
I don't wanna talk to you,
he doesn't listen to my complaints.
I mean, that is a possibility and people have done that,
but you know, those aren't the people
that you can spend your time with.
Those are the people you don't wanna waste your time with
as far as trying to help because, you know,
they don't have that self-awareness.
They'd rather just complain than anything else.
And again, we're gonna go back to the beginning
when we talked about brain damage.
Complaining begets complaining,
meaning if you complain,
you're gonna continue to rewire your brain
for more negativity leading to more complaining.
Okay, so it's like a vicious cycle
that you're stuck in the sloop
that you're gonna have to,
it's like riding a bicycle
and all of a sudden someone just throws like a wrench
or a screwdriver into the spokes
and the bike comes to a complete halt.
Yeah, that's the sound of my brakes hitting
on the pavement with a bike.
But the bottom line is you're gonna have to break that cycle.
Someone is either the person complaining
or the person not complaining
that's listening to the complainer.
So demonstrate positivity.
I mean, your behavior can serve as a powerful example
for everybody around you.
I mean, it can.
Just watch someone.
Watch someone's positive behavior.
Does it make you wanna render them and complain?
If it does, then we got a big problem.
But no, usually when you see someone who's positive,
you wanna gravitate towards them.
You wanna be like them.
You wanna be around them.
So for example, if someone starts complaining to you,
share a solution.
Don't jump into it.
Like if they go, oh, well, you know,
Betty's always coughing on my food, you know,
and I really can't stand her.
She's just disgusting.
Then you simply might wanna offer a solution
and one solution might be,
hey, have you had a conversation with her?
Have you tried not sitting next to her
while she eats her food and coughs all over yours?
I mean, these are simple solutions, right?
And like, oh, I didn't try that.
But the bottom line is,
the bottom line is, you know, find a solution.
You know, share a solution with somebody
that's complaining a lot.
It might mean that you're gonna have to do
a little thinking yourself.
And I know some people don't wanna think.
And here's a big one.
And it's not easy for everybody,
but reflect on your responses.
What you wanna do is be mindful
of how you react to others' complaints.
You know, offer sympathy or empathy.
Empathy is how we, not sympathy,
but sympathy is we understand how you feel.
Empathy is we feel how you feel.
We know, offer empathy and support, you know.
But also try to gently guide them toward conversations
that are potential solutions and have positive aspects.
Don't, again, participate in the solutions
or the complaint course.
All right, and finally, reflect on your responses.
So when you're talking to someone,
be mindful of how you react to their complaints.
You know, what you wanna do,
you don't wanna be brash or angry about it
or complain back.
You offer some empathy and support,
but also gently guide the conversation
towards a potential solution, okay?
Maybe towards some positive aspects.
You always wanna keep moving that person
towards positivity and not back into the depths
and darkness of negativity as they are ready or there.
Look, wrapping this whole thing up,
if you're the complainer, self-awareness
is gonna go a long way.
Learn to recognize when you're complaining
and when other people are dissatisfied
or uncomfortable with you complaining.
Begin to seek solutions.
Look for solutions, not the problem.
Don't become the problem,
become the solution seeker in that case.
And if you're not the complainer
and you're dealing with complainers,
be empathetic, but help guide them
towards a more positive environment,
more positive thinking.
Cause in the end, I think we can bridge the gap
between complainers and those who are being complained to
and create a very positive environment.
And then again, there are people
who just don't wanna stop complaining
cause they enjoy it, it's a release for them.
And I don't know how you're gonna change them
other than probably distance yourself
from those kinds of people, cause they don't wanna change.
And when you don't wanna change,
you can't make somebody change.
Hey, I wanna thank you.
If you've stuck this far with me,
this is my very first podcast.
I really appreciate it.
I really, really do.
Thanks for listening.
As I do these, they'll get better and better and better.
I promise you, and you'll see a lot more
of my personality pop out.
So again, I appreciate you.
My name's Alan Stafford and this is Life Unfiltered.