1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,760
Step into the world of power, loyalty, and luck.

2
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:07,240
I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

3
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:11,400
Where family, cannolis, and spins mean everything.

4
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,160
Now, you wanna get mixed up in the family business.

5
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:18,720
Introducing The Godfather at ChampaCasino.com.

6
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:22,160
Test your luck in the shadowy world of The Godfather slots.

7
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,440
Someday, I will call upon you to do a service for me.

8
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,280
Play The Godfather now at ChampaCasino.com.

9
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:29,960
Welcome to the family.

10
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,520
VTW Group, no purchase necessary.

11
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:32,360
Avoid where prohibited by law.

12
00:00:32,360 --> 00:01:01,360
See terms and conditions 18 plus.

13
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,880
Well, now, it's time.

14
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,160
Glamorous femal llamar just coming out.

15
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:11,120
I'm getting so amore and competed for that in entire

16
00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:31,240
and it's a must.

17
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,480
viewer body stem a little every.

18
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,920
Adam or Pier firstThere,

19
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:18,920
and if you love him in America and me miss the

20
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:23,880
present with primary Le attitudes,

21
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:23,960
your know habenet,

22
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,000
sometimes we are postal

23
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,800
айтесь Lawalter hospital it

24
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,120
And that's where the suffering begins.

25
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,120
Amas or controlas?

26
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,120
That's the question we're going to ask today.

27
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,120
I'll do it today, and I'll do it for everyone.

28
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,120
And we have three wonderful experts who are going to talk about this.

29
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,120
I'll tell you who the experts are in a moment.

30
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,120
But what do I mean by amas or controlas?

31
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:51,120
A lot of people will be watching or listening to us here on Telefórmula, Radio Fórmula,

32
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,120
and they'll say, amas or controlas?

33
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,120
Isn't it the same?

34
00:01:55,120 --> 00:02:00,120
Isn't it when I'm dating or I marry someone and I don't have a partner?

35
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,120
Isn't it normal to control?

36
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,120
Because it's mine or it's mine.

37
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,120
That's what they say to me.

38
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,120
I'm yours, I'm yours.

39
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,120
So obviously if it's mine or mine, I'm going to control it.

40
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:14,120
And who hasn't heard the friend or cousin or friend who says,

41
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:17,120
oh, I have a beautiful partner, he loves me so much,

42
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:21,120
he takes care of me, he goes for me, he lets me,

43
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:25,120
he cares about me, he asks me where I was, with whom I was,

44
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:29,120
at what time I was, he checks my cell phone to see if I have some messages

45
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,120
and I need to answer.

46
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:35,120
He advises me to stop following him on Instagram or Facebook.

47
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:41,120
What's more, he tells me when I have someone who shouldn't be my friend or friend

48
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,120
because friendships between men and women don't exist.

49
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,120
What a beautiful partner I have.

50
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,120
Is that love or control?

51
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:53,120
Even the songs say it and we've normalized it.

52
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:57,120
One of the songs I liked the most when I was little was this song,

53
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,120
do you remember the group The Police?

54
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:03,120
That song that was called Every Breath You Take?

55
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,120
Let's remember it.

56
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,120
There it is.

57
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,120
Super success.

58
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,120
Beautiful song, right?

59
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,120
Let's remember in Spanish what the song said.

60
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,120
It says, you don't see that you belong to me,

61
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,120
how my poor heart hurts with every step you take,

62
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,120
every move you make and every promise you break,

63
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:33,120
every smile you make, I'll be watching you.

64
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,120
I'll be watching you.

65
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:40,120
It says, can you see that you belong to me?

66
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,120
Don't you see that you belong to me?

67
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,120
The music is beautiful.

68
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,120
But the lyrics are a bit toxic, right?

69
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,120
I mean, today we're going to ask our experts.

70
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:59,120
Claudia Lobatón, psychologist, graduate of the University of Valle Campos,

71
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:03,120
specializing in sexology and education at the Mexican Institute of Sexology,

72
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:08,120
to tell us if love and control are the same thing or is it a distortion.

73
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,120
We're also on the long list because we're joining the conversation.

74
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:15,120
Adriana Renkin, writer and conferencing, has wonderful books.

75
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,120
What's the name of the book that I like the most?

76
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,120
Companions of Life or Zelda.

77
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:24,120
There are some great ones, we're going to give away some books.

78
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,120
And also from Mazatlán, Sinaloa, our dear Eugenia Flo,

79
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:32,120
will be with us, she's a sexologist, graduate of the Institute of Sexology in Madrid, Spain,

80
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:36,120
and she's going to tell us how through sex,

81
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:41,120
from the cuchicuchi or sex, sometimes the couple is controlled.

82
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:46,120
I want you or I won't give you or even when you make decisions to have children.

83
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:50,120
It's not that strong, there's going to be a very, very interesting conversation.

84
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:54,120
So I think it's good for you to stay with us on Telefórmula, Radiofórmula,

85
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:59,120
we're live on Grupo Fórmula, the YouTube channel, and also on Radiofórmula.mx,

86
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,120
there you can follow us. Stay with us.

87
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,120
I think the conversation will be excellent.

88
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,120
We'll be back after a little break.

89
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,120
Here in Marco Antonio Regilio Fórmula.

90
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,120
Applause! What a thing!

91
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,120
We're back!

92
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,120
Connect and build through our conversation.

93
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,120
Through our conversation.

94
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:22,120
We're back with Marco Antonio Regilio Fórmula.

95
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,120
Hi, I'm looking for the best key for my bathroom.

96
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,120
Projecta.

97
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,120
Make it look amazing.

98
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,120
Projecta.

99
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,120
And make it resistant and affordable.

100
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,120
Don't get complicated, the brand is Projecta.

101
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,120
40% discount on bathroom keys,

102
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,120
kitchen, shower, and accessories.

103
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,120
Projecta, your smart purchase.

104
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,120
A brand with Eldex warranty.

105
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,120
Ask the experts.

106
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,120
Until February 29th with your authorized distributor.

107
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,120
Let's build healthy relationships.

108
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:49,120
Let's learn about a healthy love in all its extension.

109
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,120
Reach your maximum potential.

110
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,120
Marco Antonio Regilio Fórmula.

111
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,120
Amas or controlas.

112
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,120
Here's the applause from the audience.

113
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,120
Amas or controlas.

114
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,120
There are several who go in the car driving and go,

115
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,120
uh, amo or controlo.

116
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,120
Remember another little roll?

117
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,120
Today we're going to be remembering some little rolls

118
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,120
that have made us normalize this thing that loving is possessing.

119
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,120
To show off, a button.

120
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,120
Paulina Rubio.

121
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,120
It goes like this.

122
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,120
Mio.

123
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,120
That man is mine.

124
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:25,120
That man is mine.

125
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,120
He's my mayonnaise bottle.

126
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,120
Exactly.

127
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,120
Even if it's half, he says, but mine.

128
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,120
And it's the worst thing, he knows it wasn't his all.

129
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,120
But he says it was his anyway.

130
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,120
Of course, the feeling and suffering of possession, right?

131
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,120
Of possession.

132
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,120
Hey, here's this beautiful woman

133
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,120
who is Claudia Lobatón, psychologist, graduate of the level.

134
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,120
A round of applause for Claudia Lobatón.

135
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,120
Oh, okay.

136
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,120
Graduate psychologist from the University of the Valle Campus Querétaro,

137
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,120
specialized in education sexology

138
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,120
by the Mexican Institute of Sexology

139
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,120
and personal therapist of Jordi Rosado.

140
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,120
Ah.

141
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,120
And clinical sexologist.

142
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,120
And sexologist, also of Jordi?

143
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,120
No.

144
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,120
Ah, yeah.

145
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,120
No, but that's why you have a life.

146
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,120
You can't reveal your passions.

147
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,120
But it would be a good, a good testimony,

148
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,120
because Jordi is a very healthy, very intelligent, very conscious man.

149
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,120
I mean, what I've talked to him about, right?

150
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,120
Well, hey,

151
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,120
we started the conversation yesterday.

152
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,120
Every, every day before,

153
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,120
on my Instagram, in the stories,

154
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,120
if you go to Marc Antonio Regil,

155
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,120
we put the question of the next day.

156
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,120
And here, checking my Instagram, it says,

157
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,120
in the confessional that they confess to us today,

158
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,120
it says, when you're in a relationship,

159
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,120
you check your partner's cell phone,

160
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,120
which would be obvious to want to control,

161
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,120
the 18% says,

162
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,120
yes, obviously.

163
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,120
No, the 18% says yes,

164
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,120
the 82% says no, how do you think?

165
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,120
If you want to vote on my Instagram,

166
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,120
go to Marc Antonio Regil, or you can go to

167
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,120
marcantoniorregil.com, diagonal formula,

168
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,120
and there it's also open the confessional.

169
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,120
20% of the people

170
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,120
think yes, obviously,

171
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,120
I check my partner's cell phone. Claudia,

172
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,120
to love is to control?

173
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,120
Of course not.

174
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,120
Although many times, because of the education

175
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,120
we have, they teach us

176
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,120
that it's the only way to express

177
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,120
how they don't really teach us

178
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,120
to love.

179
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,120
I think there's a very good book

180
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,120
that talks about liquid love.

181
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,120
Liquid love.

182
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,120
Liquid love, which is like all this

183
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,120
situation that there is currently

184
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,120
in the networks and in relationships

185
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,120
where many times we have an immature love

186
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,120
and where many times we hope

187
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,120
that our partner

188
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,120
fills our needs,

189
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,120
and then we start to have

190
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,120
the whole list of expectations

191
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,120
of what my ideal partner should have.

192
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,120
And although it's good

193
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,120
to go looking for it,

194
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,120
to control it,

195
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,120
or to wait for the person

196
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,120
to be the way I want them to be,

197
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,120
love is nothing.

198
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,120
Love is just the opposite,

199
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,120
because love doesn't generate pain,

200
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,120
love doesn't generate a feeling

201
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,120
of anguish,

202
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,120
but rather it's a feeling

203
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,120
of personal growth, it's a feeling

204
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,120
of well-being, of joy.

205
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,120
It has nothing to do with it,

206
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,120
but they teach us that it's something

207
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,120
that we have to take care of so much

208
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,120
that it suddenly generates insecurities,

209
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,120
that suddenly I don't feel

210
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,120
like I'm good enough

211
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:18,120
to receive love.

212
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,120
In fact, many times

213
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,120
we talk about these childhood wounds

214
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,120
that control also

215
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,120
goes a lot through

216
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:30,120
the medium-unleashed environment,

217
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,120
or the medium-unleashed environment.

218
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,120
So, yes, no,

219
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,120
it's not the same.

220
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,120
I've been to many places, but it's not the same.

221
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,120
Love is not controlling.

222
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,120
Even though there are thousands of songs,

223
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,120
from Vicente Fernandez to Bad Bunny,

224
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,120
to whoever,

225
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,120
that tell you, you're mine,

226
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,120
or you're mine, and nobody else's,

227
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,120
and even murder has happened,

228
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,120
even in dramas, in operas,

229
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,120
there are dramas

230
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,120
that are, I'm going to kill you

231
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,120
and your lover, you and the other,

232
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,120
you and your new partner.

233
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,120
If you're not mine, you're nobody's.

234
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,120
Yes, that possession, as if we were one thing.

235
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,120
That is born, that instinct,

236
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,120
as a psychologist, that natural,

237
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,120
territorial instinct, because even my dog

238
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,120
has jealousy,

239
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,120
I take it away, and where are you going?

240
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,120
So, are we born with that

241
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,120
or do we learn it?

242
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,120
Well, it has a lot to do with the types of attachment.

243
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,120
People, it has been proven that

244
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,120
jealous people have to see

245
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,120
because they have an anxious attachment

246
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,120
or they learn that suddenly

247
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,120
their needs were not satisfied

248
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:36,120
in a time where, for example,

249
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,120
the baby is crying,

250
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,120
and suddenly they may come in a short time

251
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,120
to give him the baby,

252
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,120
or it may be that it takes time.

253
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,120
So, the type of attachment we have

254
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:50,120
is making it so easy for us to get closer,

255
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,120
or how much anxiety

256
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,120
it generates in our intimacy,

257
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,120
or how much anxiety

258
00:10:56,120 --> 00:11:00,120
our environment generates in itself.

259
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,120
So, a lot of insecurities

260
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,120
and a lot of control comes,

261
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,120
or rather, a lot of control comes

262
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,120
from insecurities,

263
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,120
and all people have insecurities.

264
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,120
What happens is that

265
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,120
sometimes there is a feeling

266
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,120
of, I want others to change

267
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,120
instead of me changing.

268
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,120
And the feeling of love,

269
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,120
or this romantic love,

270
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,120
which is the one that tends to

271
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,120
become toxic,

272
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,120
and tends to become violent.

273
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,120
Because if I am waiting

274
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,120
for things to be the way I want them to be,

275
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,120
I will probably have

276
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,120
a low tolerance for frustration.

277
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,120
And so, if I get frustrated a little,

278
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,120
or rather, if I get frustrated quickly,

279
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,120
I will probably not learn

280
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,120
to handle my emotions.

281
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,120
There are those who control themselves

282
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,120
inwardly, and there are those who try to control

283
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,120
themselves inwardly.

284
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,120
The conflict with couples,

285
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,120
or when we have controlling traits,

286
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,120
is that for our partner

287
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,120
we become insufferable.

288
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,120
Because there are high expectations,

289
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,120
because there is a constant demand

290
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,120
of, you didn't do it well,

291
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,120
a feeling of insufficiency,

292
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,120
a feeling of

293
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,120
little expression.

294
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,120
So, no, definitely

295
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,120
it is not bad.

296
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,120
But they educate us

297
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,120
that we have to focus inwardly.

298
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,120
If you are suffering, I suffered it,

299
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,120
I went through it, I have always said it,

300
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,120
I got to my 17, 19, 23 years old,

301
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,120
I was very toxic.

302
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,120
Because I was very jealous,

303
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,120
because that was the relationship I had with my mom,

304
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,120
my mom was very jealous and very possessive of me,

305
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,120
because I also had her and possessed her.

306
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,120
Obviously, when I started dating,

307
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,120
poor girls, I was very jealous and possessive.

308
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,120
And I was looking for the jealous and possessive,

309
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,120
because they were the ones who gave me

310
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,120
a chance to be jealous and possessive.

311
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,120
Of course, without realizing it, I was not conscious,

312
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,120
now I see it.

313
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,120
Imagine if you had followed that line of control.

314
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,120
You would probably have

315
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,120
reached the point of touching

316
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,120
tints of violent relationships.

317
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,120
Or having violent actions.

318
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,120
Because the attempt to control,

319
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,120
the difference between

320
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,120
a control that goes

321
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,120
more towards anxiety and that goes more

322
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,120
towards fear, and that only stays there,

323
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,120
is that I only want to control

324
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,120
out of anxiety, but suddenly

325
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,120
it becomes abusive.

326
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,120
When you start to put situations

327
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,120
of power.

328
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,120
Verbal or physically?

329
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,120
Exactly, it can be verbal,

330
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,120
physical, economic,

331
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,120
there are different variants.

332
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,120
Of course, verbal, if I had it like that

333
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,120
couple that is arguing on the screen

334
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,120
that we have behind, well, that's how I would start my discussions

335
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,120
with the girlfriends. They would yell at me,

336
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,120
because my mom yelled at me,

337
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,120
I yelled at her, and then at work,

338
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,120
they would yell at me, and that control,

339
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,120
control, I want everything to be...

340
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,120
That doesn't have to do with the relationship

341
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,120
of a couple, those desires to control

342
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,120
have to do with everything in our lives.

343
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,120
Exactly, we want to control everything

344
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,120
out of fear, to feel vulnerable,

345
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,120
because the environment

346
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,120
we feel is not safe.

347
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,120
A lot comes from there.

348
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,120
If you come from an environment where

349
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,120
everything was a mess, where there was no

350
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,120
or good, parents that were

351
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,120
extremely controlling,

352
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,120
and that always made you feel that there was

353
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,120
no way to do things,

354
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,120
you become inflexible.

355
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,120
And if it's not how I want it, then I impose

356
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,120
to yell, as if I was defending

357
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,120
my life. Exactly.

358
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,120
And what happens with couples?

359
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,120
Suddenly, this culture begins to be generated

360
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,120
where the couple

361
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,120
has to please, or

362
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,120
has to please

363
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,120
the person

364
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,120
who is controlling.

365
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,120
That is, they start to see

366
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,120
these behavior patterns where

367
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,120
they are not going to say

368
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,120
this because

369
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,120
it's very critical,

370
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,120
because criticism is also a form of control

371
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,120
and a form of manipulation.

372
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,120
To make you

373
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,120
do what I want you to do.

374
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,120
And not because you interest me,

375
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,120
but because I think

376
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,120
that's what's right. And I'm protecting myself.

377
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,120
And I'm protecting myself. When I control you,

378
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,120
I want to predict the future in some way.

379
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:06,120
Exactly. To be less vulnerable.

380
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,120
Exactly. And if you realize, they are people,

381
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,120
today we all have a part

382
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,120
that is a great part of anxiety.

383
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,120
Okay.

384
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,120
And if you don't control your anxiety,

385
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,120
you are in danger of being a person

386
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,120
potentially violent.

387
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,120
Of course. Well, let's take a little pause

388
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,120
and we've already seen the consequences.

389
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,120
To love is not to control.

390
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,120
They are two different things.

391
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,120
We've already seen why we want to control.

392
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,120
We've already seen that the consequences

393
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,120
are not pleasant. Today we'll talk about solutions.

394
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,120
Claudia, the button stays with us.

395
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,120
And in the next segment we'll join the conversation

396
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,120
with Adriana Rehnkin, writer and conference speaker,

397
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,120
author of the book,

398
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,120
life partner or cellmate.

399
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,120
That's strong.

400
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,120
No, it's great.

401
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,120
Yes, very good.

402
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,120
Stay with us to continue talking about the topic.

403
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,120
Because today we'll talk about solutions.

404
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,120
Don't tell me, you just told me the problem,

405
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,120
now how do I solve it? Today we'll talk about solutions.

406
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,120
We'll be back after a break.

407
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,120
I'm Marco Antonio Regil in Fórmula.

408
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,120
Follow the conversation with

409
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,120
Marco Antonio Regil in Fórmula.

410
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,120
And remember that if you're watching

411
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,120
or listening to the program and you can't see it

412
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,120
or listen completely, Radio Fórmula,

413
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,120
Grupo Fórmula, in their YouTube channel where we're live,

414
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,120
also there every night

415
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,120
the morning episode is put up.

416
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,120
So there you can see all the programs

417
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,120
that we've had since we started.

418
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,120
And it's also on Spotify,

419
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,120
Apple Podcasts, in all of them, like a podcast,

420
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,120
look for Marco Antonio Regil in Fórmula

421
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,120
and there we are, so there's no excuse

422
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,120
that I didn't listen to it completely.

423
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,120
So, the voting in Marco Antonio Regil.com,

424
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,120
Diagonal Fórmula, where we have

425
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,120
the confessional open as well,

426
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,120
the voting is the same. When you're in a relationship,

427
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,120
you check your partner's cell phone,

428
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,120
80% says no,

429
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,120
20% says yes.

430
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,120
That's what they say.

431
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,120
That's what they say because

432
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,120
we've normalized it a lot.

433
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,120
We've put the song

434
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,120
of The Police,

435
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,120
we've put the song of Paulina Ruyo,

436
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,120
we've put the song of the prince

437
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,120
of the song, José José,

438
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,120
who told us many times, this, listen.

439
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,120
Listen.

440
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,120
Wow, it's a betrayal

441
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,120
to turn to someone.

442
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:32,120
Amas o controlas is the topic of today,

443
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,120
our psychologist is with us,

444
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,120
and Adriana Renkin,

445
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,120
writer and conference writer,

446
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:40,120
author of this book,

447
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,120
which looks great, welcome.

448
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,120
Adriana, what's the name of your book?

449
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:46,120
Companeros de vida o celda.

450
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,120
And then down here, what does it say?

451
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,120
How I learned to love without controlling.

452
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,120
You can learn to love without controlling.

453
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,120
It's the only way,

454
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,120
because what they teach us is to control.

455
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,120
I mean, you learn

456
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,120
since you were born.

457
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,120
And in that love, you know,

458
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,120
family and everything, you didn't feel

459
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,120
control.

460
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,120
We learn, so what do we have to do?

461
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,120
Unlearn and learn to love

462
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,120
without controlling.

463
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:14,120
But we don't have to do it,

464
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:16,120
people do it,

465
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,120
that really got here,

466
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,120
they're fed up with suffering.

467
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,120
Why did you write the book?

468
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,120
Were you in a toxic relationship

469
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,120
in a toxic relationship?

470
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,120
No, zero. I've had very few

471
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,120
relationships and all of them have been

472
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:32,120
zero toxic. But at some point

473
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:34,120
you lived the pain. Sure.

474
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,120
If you hadn't written the book. This book

475
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,120
I base it on my last

476
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,120
stable relationship, let's say,

477
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,120
which is 31 years old.

478
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,120
With my husband, we're

479
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,120
married by the civil,

480
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:48,120
he's my companion in life,

481
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,120
and we

482
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,120
consciously decided

483
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:54,120
before we got married,

484
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,120
to be companions in life and not in cell.

485
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,120
He was like

486
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,120
you asking, and how is that?

487
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,120
I like the proposal.

488
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,120
He said, don't tell me you want

489
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,120
a permit?

490
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,120
You don't want to be a swinger or a polyamorous?

491
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,120
Something like that. Neither he nor I are

492
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,120
swingers. Obviously we recognize

493
00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:14,120
our polyamorous capacity,

494
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,120
but we don't have a polyamorous

495
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:18,120
relationship,

496
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,120
which is different. And they decide to be monogamous.

497
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:22,120
If you go to my house or all my

498
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,120
friends, they've never seen

499
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,120
Mike's links,

500
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,120
mine, no one knows.

501
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:30,120
But between Mike and me, we knew

502
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,120
that if we wanted to

503
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,120
form a family,

504
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:36,120
to base it on

505
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,120
the sexual part would be

506
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:40,120
very weak, very fragile

507
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,120
foundations, and we see it

508
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,120
all the time. If you're not

509
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:46,120
mine, if it's not what I want,

510
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,120
this is over.

511
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,120
And the little ones

512
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,120
are left flying.

513
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,120
Look, Marcos, what I learned

514
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,120
I learned it when I was 21

515
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,120
with my first love, and

516
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,120
I learned it because I was a

517
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,120
control woman. But my

518
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,120
daughter too, and she painted

519
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,120
my horn.

520
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,120
And that's when I learned

521
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,120
and decided to learn

522
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:12,120
to love without controlling, because I didn't want

523
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:14,120
to lose her. Because I didn't want to suffer

524
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:16,120
too, I understand.

525
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:18,120
Look, you suffer because you suffer.

526
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,120
In infidelity

527
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,120
you suffer a lot.

528
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,120
But when we broke up

529
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:26,120
and everything, I said, if she insists

530
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,120
that she loves me, and that the rest

531
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,120
was just

532
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,120
a... it had been a

533
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,120
sexual attraction. Because I don't

534
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,120
want to believe the person I love.

535
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,120
That was my thought.

536
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,120
Yes, that's what you say is very important, because

537
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,120
one, at an unconscious level,

538
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,120
because you have to be unconscious

539
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,120
to want to control, obviously,

540
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,120
you don't know what you're doing,

541
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,120
you try to control

542
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,120
to protect yourself, to not suffer.

543
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,120
But that's when you end up suffering more, as you said, Claudia.

544
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,120
Yes, because

545
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,120
I've seen it, the people who

546
00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:00,120
are in this

547
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,120
feeling of

548
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,120
betrayal, both on one side and

549
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,120
on the other...

550
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:08,120
The microphone fell off.

551
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,120
On both sides

552
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:12,120
there's a feeling of suffering, because

553
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:14,120
as you told me,

554
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,120
behind the scenes, there's no

555
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,120
freedom. And so

556
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,120
if there's no freedom, there's no

557
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,120
feeling of complete acceptance.

558
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,120
You can't have a love

559
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:26,120
relationship. I always say

560
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:28,120
that if you're not free, it's not love.

561
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,120
How does a healthy

562
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:32,120
relationship look? Let's talk about

563
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,120
solutions. How can we describe a

564
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:36,120
non-controlling relationship, but full of love

565
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,120
without control?

566
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,120
You have to decide. To love is

567
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:42,120
a decision that is made consciously

568
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,120
when you've already

569
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:46,120
matured all your...

570
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,120
You have to mature

571
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:50,120
many things, but you also

572
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,120
question your romantic

573
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,120
certainties, which are usually

574
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,120
hyper-violent,

575
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,120
like these songs we're singing.

576
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,120
That song is sung by Jose Jose

577
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,120
but it's violent,

578
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,120
what he's saying. When you go with me, you don't look

579
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:06,120
at anyone. You're ignoring

580
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:08,120
the one who loves you. Since he loves you, you can't see anyone.

581
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,120
How ungrateful. That's violence.

582
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,120
For me, yes. With beautiful music.

583
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:14,120
Totally. If you take away the

584
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,120
part of, because I love you,

585
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:18,120
it sounds like someone is calling him

586
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,120
kidnapped. But then

587
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,120
look, what happens

588
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:24,120
these images that you see behind

589
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,120
and everything, it's very obvious

590
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,120
the violence. Not here, and that's

591
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:30,120
the problem. We use

592
00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:32,120
the term, I love you,

593
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:34,120
to rape you.

594
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,120
I try to convince you

595
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:38,120
that I'm calling you, and

596
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,120
within telling you, my

597
00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:42,120
behavior is,

598
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:44,120
do what I want.

599
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,120
You need to help me

600
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,120
to feel good.

601
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,120
That's impossible.

602
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,120
It's impossible, but

603
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,120
we want to believe that

604
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:56,120
it's possible, because they haven't

605
00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,120
sold us like that, in this

606
00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,120
romantic, idealistic

607
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,120
love, this

608
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:04,120
very magical love, which

609
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:06,120
is not possible.

610
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:08,120
Very immature.

611
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,120
It's that between the novels,

612
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,120
the old Disney movies, because they're changing,

613
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,120
I know what to say, and the music,

614
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:16,120
and the example we saw

615
00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:18,120
of sometimes, sometimes,

616
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:20,120
of our parents or grandparents, where it was

617
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,120
normal, it's normal that you think

618
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,120
it's normal to control. Totally.

619
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:26,120
If you don't love me, you don't love me. Exactly.

620
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,120
I think it's like

621
00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:30,120
talking about solutions,

622
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,120
love has a lot to do with,

623
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,120
in my opinion, with taking responsibility

624
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,120
for what you're giving.

625
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:38,120
And not demanding,

626
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,120
because often part of the control

627
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,120
comes from this lawsuit or from this

628
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,120
manipulation of blaming you.

629
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:46,120
Like, I brought you a coffee,

630
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:48,120
so how come you don't

631
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:50,120
invite me to eat? You owe me.

632
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,120
You owe me. And then it becomes

633
00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:54,120
exactly a trick. When you

634
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,120
don't take responsibility for what you want to give

635
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:58,120
because you want to give it and because

636
00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:00,120
it nourishes you, we're not

637
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,120
talking about love. And often

638
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,120
we don't know how to

639
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:06,120
love other people because we don't

640
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,120
know how to love ourselves.

641
00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:10,120
And in gifts, the control begins.

642
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,120
I give you flowers. In the traditional

643
00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:14,120
system, right? Exactly. I like it.

644
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,120
Of course, today I'm going to send you flowers, chocolate,

645
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:18,120
serenade, I take you to dinner at a super

646
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:20,120
restaurant. I conquer it. I conquer it.

647
00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,120
You owe me. Exactly. That's not love.

648
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,120
That's not love because you're generating

649
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,120
a debt concept. Of course.

650
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:28,120
And in love, it has to

651
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:30,120
be from you, from the joy of

652
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:32,120
making me feel good.

653
00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:34,120
I'm happy. There's a concept.

654
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:36,120
But here comes freedom 100%.

655
00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:38,120
So imagine, because

656
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:40,120
what we're talking about here is being very

657
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,120
like that, right? But what happens when

658
00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:44,120
you're going to want to

659
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:46,120
commit yourself to someone,

660
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:48,120
whether it's to start having a

661
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:50,120
relationship, I like to

662
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,120
call it loving, where

663
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,120
to be loving you have to

664
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,120
do everything possible to take

665
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,120
control. What are you

666
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:00,120
willing to

667
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:02,120
commit to the person

668
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:04,120
you want to build something with

669
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,120
based on freedom?

670
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:08,120
Based on freedom. No?

671
00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,120
If there's no freedom,

672
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:12,120
then somehow there's a subject

673
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,120
and then you obey me or I obey you.

674
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:16,120
There's a cell. There's a cell.

675
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,120
Because the jail is where we would have to obey

676
00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:20,120
and belong to. The most

677
00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:22,120
curious thing about that cell is that we,

678
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:24,120
the two involved,

679
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:26,120
we're building

680
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,120
the bars without

681
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,120
realizing it. And we're left

682
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,120
inside the cell of

683
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,120
fear. And the prisoner

684
00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:36,120
suffers and the jailer suffers.

685
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:38,120
Both suffer. Both are

686
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:40,120
in jail.

687
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:42,120
Not only the one who's locked up in the cell.

688
00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:44,120
And we have two very clear

689
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,120
needs.

690
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,120
Hold on a second because we're going to go to a cut.

691
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,120
But right now I don't want to cut you,

692
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,120
I want you to expand on the subject. When we

693
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,120
come back, we're going to add to the conversation

694
00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:56,120
Eugenia Flo, from

695
00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:58,120
the beautiful Mazatlán, Sinaloa,

696
00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:00,120
the Salada foot, sexologist,

697
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,120
that's what the Mazatlán people say.

698
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:04,120
And they say it with affection.

699
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,120
They're Salada feet. I have many Mazatlán friends.

700
00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:08,120
They're Salada feet. I love the tone

701
00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:10,120
of the people over there.

702
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:12,120
We're going to go over there, where the monogishis are,

703
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:14,120
in Mazatlán,

704
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,120
according to Eugenia Flo,

705
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,120
to talk to us about how you can,

706
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,120
how the control,

707
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:22,120
the sexual control,

708
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,120
I give you sex as long as you do this.

709
00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:26,120
I don't give you sex if you do this.

710
00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:28,120
You have to have children. I don't want to have children.

711
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:30,120
The sexual control, the reproductive control,

712
00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:32,120
which is not love.

713
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:34,120
Let's go back to the conversation, it's delicious.

714
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:56,120
Keep up with us.

715
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:06,120
Animate.

716
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:08,120
Follow the conversation with

717
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:10,120
Marco Antonio Regil in Formula.

718
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:12,120
Today's question, if you check

719
00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:14,120
your partner's cell phone, yes or no,

720
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:16,120
on my social media, on my Instagram,

721
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,120
and at marcoantonioregil.com,

722
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:20,120
in Formula, 80% says no,

723
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:22,120
20% says yes.

724
00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,120
But I have other data.

725
00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,120
I have other data.

726
00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:28,120
100 Mexicans, no.

727
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,120
The Avast page,

728
00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:32,120
published in 2022,

729
00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:34,120
says that 58%

730
00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,120
is that maybe our followers are very healthy.

731
00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:38,120
I think those who come and listen to this program

732
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:40,120
are going to therapy.

733
00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:42,120
They are in love.

734
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,120
The Avast survey says that 58%

735
00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:46,120
of Mexicans

736
00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:48,120
check their partner's phone

737
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:50,120
without permission.

738
00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:52,120
More than 2 terriers,

739
00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:54,120
77% of Mexicans have checked

740
00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:56,120
their partner's phone

741
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:58,120
and agree that they have no right to access it.

742
00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:00,120
But they do.

743
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:02,120
And that's why it begins.

744
00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,120
P Damio, Jose Jose.

745
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,120
What was Jose Jose saying?

746
00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:08,120
Listen.

747
00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:10,120
The one who loves is suffering.

748
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:12,120
The one who loves to love is suffering.

749
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:14,120
The one who loves is enjoying.

750
00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,120
The one who loves is suffering.

751
00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:18,120
If you love, you have to suffer

752
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:20,120
and if you don't suffer,

753
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:22,120
you're a bad person.

754
00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,120
And the one who loves is giving his life.

755
00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:26,120
Sacrifice.

756
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,120
Exactly.

757
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:30,120
It's like a libertine, right?

758
00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:31,120
Of course.

759
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:32,120
Why do you want to be...

760
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:33,120
Irrespective.

761
00:28:33,120 --> 00:28:35,120
The one who loves, gives everything, gives everything.

762
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,120
The one who loves, gives everything.

763
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,120
Even his password for the phone.

764
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:41,120
Ah!

765
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,120
If you don't love me, you don't give me your password.

766
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,120
You give your phone password to your partner when...

767
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:47,120
Of course not.

768
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:48,120
You give it to her?

769
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:49,120
No.

770
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:50,120
No?

771
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:51,120
No, that's not loving.

772
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:52,120
Of course not.

773
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,120
That's invading privacy.

774
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:55,120
Invading privacy.

775
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,120
Not respecting that we are different beings.

776
00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,120
Exactly.

777
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,120
That we have different needs.

778
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,120
The other one, you and I are the same.

779
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,120
No, we are not the same.

780
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:06,120
No.

781
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,120
Timbiriche, sorry, Diego Schoening.

782
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,120
I love you, friend.

783
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:10,120
But no, friend.

784
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,120
You and I are not the same.

785
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:13,120
We are not two beings.

786
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:14,120
Individuals.

787
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:15,120
Individuals.

788
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:19,120
And it's a basic need to respect my individuality.

789
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,120
And my needs.

790
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,120
That are totally different from yours.

791
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:25,120
Exactly.

792
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,120
Well, we are going to link ourselves.

793
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,120
We are going to invade Masatlan, Sinaloa.

794
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:34,120
Eugenia Flo, sexologist, graduate from the Institute of Sexology in Madrid, Spain.

795
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,120
Eugenia, it's a pleasure to see you, friend.

796
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:37,120
Hello!

797
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:38,120
Welcome.

798
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,120
It's a huge pleasure to see you.

799
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:45,120
Hey, do you give your partner your password?

800
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,120
No, definitely not.

801
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,120
You don't even ask for it?

802
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,120
No, neither.

803
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:52,120
Neither for what?

804
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,120
Now, tell us something.

805
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,120
What is sexual control?

806
00:29:56,120 --> 00:30:08,120
Look, this part of wanting to control the moment of encounter, the peculiarities.

807
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,120
For example, what do we mean?

808
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:23,120
That my pleasures, what detones my pleasure, my excitement, is necessarily what detones your excitement.

809
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:28,120
Because if you love me, then you should be excited about the same thing.

810
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:32,120
If not, then how do you say you love me?

811
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:44,120
We find this very often, wanting to have this axis, being the axis of erotic encounter, of intimate encounter.

812
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:48,120
And then, what happens when we want to control that?

813
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:52,120
Point number one, we forget that this is something that we cannot control.

814
00:30:52,120 --> 00:31:01,120
Because this question of desire and our erotic peculiarities is something that is explored, it is something that we talk about.

815
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:10,120
And it is something that we discover and there will be points where we will make coincidences, but also points where we will not coincide.

816
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,120
And then that is where we have to negotiate.

817
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:21,120
I would like to expand a little bit the valuable information that both Claudia and Adriana have given in this respect.

818
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:28,120
To allow the other to love me as much as he can with what he has.

819
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:34,120
That would be the secret. The controller cannot do that, it is not allowed to do that.

820
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:50,120
And then what he is doing is that he prevents the entire erotic and amateur area of the relationship, that is, all our desires and the amateur.

821
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,120
What does the amateur mean?

822
00:31:52,120 --> 00:32:06,120
The bet in the game of our desires, our way of loving, attracting, seducing, and exciting us, does not have a field of expansion.

823
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:26,120
The erotic has nowhere to expand his wings in the middle of that control. And if my partner wants to control even my desires, what excites me, what provokes me, the time of the meeting, the modes and all that, it will make that expansion not be seen.

824
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:27,120
Of course.

825
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:38,120
So, I as a partner of the controller stop growing, our relationship stops growing, the relationship that we generate in interaction.

826
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:44,120
And what comes as a consequence of all that, Marco? What does it usually come later?

827
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:57,120
That we have a perfect factory of everything we call erotic conflicts or what people know as sexual dysfunctions.

828
00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:06,120
Conflict with the orgasm, suddenly there is already this erectile dysfunction, suddenly there is already a conflict after another.

829
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:35,120
Why? Because in the middle of that tension and that stress, it is impossible for the erotic to relax, for the brain to expand and eros to be able to extend its wings and generate everything that has to be generated so that that desire, the excitement, all that we want, is being worked on.

830
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:55,120
So if the controller finally wants to control the meeting so that according to him or her, because there are both men and women, the controller, the meeting is wonderful and in the vast majority of cases that rings and everything comes out of control.

831
00:33:55,120 --> 00:34:10,120
It is very important, it does not happen only, I know that we are always crucifying men, men, controllers, men who do not know how to satisfy, do not learn from women how to touch her, how to caress her, how to kiss her, because they believe that they already know everything.

832
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:19,120
But I also ask you here at the table, women also sometimes fall into this, of controlling, even denying it.

833
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:23,120
Today it does not touch you, if you do not do this, it does not touch you.

834
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:27,120
It is a way of manipulation because it is a way of generating power.

835
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:35,120
This is the only time perhaps where I feel that I have the power, that I have the capacity to make decisions and then...

836
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,120
That is why non-exclusiveness pulls so nicely.

837
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:42,120
That is why non-exclusiveness pulls so nicely.

838
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,120
If it is not with you, then I go here.

839
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:46,120
You cannot control me so easily.

840
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:50,120
Sex is a very big way, it is a way of controlling.

841
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:53,120
To remove sex or to demand sex too, right?

842
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:54,120
Sex.

843
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,120
Sex itself is power.

844
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,120
Sex is power.

845
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:07,120
Yes, it is sad, but they teach us that, also, for what Eugenia was saying,

846
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:15,120
they teach us that loving has to go hand in hand with sexually wanting someone.

847
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:24,120
And that is where a big problem comes when we are aware that our needs will not always be the needs of our partner.

848
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:29,120
You spoke about the two basic needs of the human being in the previous segment.

849
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:32,120
In summary, what are those needs, Adriana?

850
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:41,120
There is a need to belong, to transcend, to feel safe.

851
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,120
That is one of the needs.

852
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:50,120
And the other, which will never be removed, is our need to continue to be curious.

853
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:57,120
We are curious beings, to explore, to expand my knowledge, to continue to test.

854
00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:03,120
Those are the two basic needs that are put together all the time in all areas.

855
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:04,120
I want to feel safe.

856
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,120
Not just in sex.

857
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,120
And I want to explore.

858
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:07,120
Exactly.

859
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:08,120
Oh my.

860
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:15,120
The desire to live and a lot of the discovery and sexual satisfaction have to do with generating novelty.

861
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,120
And also generating intimacy.

862
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:21,120
These are the two factors that...

863
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:22,120
Novelty and intimacy.

864
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:23,120
Exactly.

865
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,120
Can they be done at the same time?

866
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:26,120
Yes, of course.

867
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,120
In a monogamous relationship?

868
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:29,120
In a monogamous relationship...

869
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaking of monogamous relationships, you are putting me on a very big topic.

870
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:35,120
Let's put it in relationships.

871
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:39,120
Everyone as they want and as they can, whatever they can.

872
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:44,120
I ask you, because you are probably thinking, oh my, that program is from the devil.

873
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:45,120
Turn it off.

874
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,120
We are not inviting people to be polyamorous.

875
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:52,120
Only to be informed by people and to seek what best suits them and to get to know them.

876
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:56,120
Because if I don't know myself, I won't know what is convenient for me.

877
00:36:56,120 --> 00:37:00,120
And to get to know us, we have to be brave and discover ourselves.

878
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:09,120
And a lot of what Eugenia said, that has to do with sexual dysfunctions, is that sometimes there is so much control that I no longer allow myself to discover myself.

879
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:13,120
And I no longer allow myself to express myself or allow my partner to express themselves.

880
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,120
Of course.

881
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,120
Which is a lot of what she said about the program.

882
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:25,120
But one idealistic thing is to think that if I, within a partner, am wanting, as you said, to generate novelty.

883
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:29,120
Because I generate that novelty, you will be satisfied.

884
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:30,120
Of course.

885
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,120
That is very ideal.

886
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:32,120
It has to be both.

887
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,120
It is to generate my novelty.

888
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:38,120
I am responsible for generating my novelty, not the novelty of my partner.

889
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,120
Of course.

890
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:43,120
Sex is boring, it is my responsibility to make it boring.

891
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,120
I see what I do to get bored.

892
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:46,120
Exactly.

893
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:47,120
And that is very loving.

894
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,120
And as Marco said, you don't have to be polyamorous.

895
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:55,120
With the fact that you first learn to love a person, it is already a big step.

896
00:37:55,120 --> 00:38:00,120
Once there was a television series that said, when you have a problem with your partner, don't look for another partner.

897
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,120
Because now you have two problems.

898
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:05,120
Because you have not solved the root of the problem.

899
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,120
I want to talk to Eugenia because time is flying.

900
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,120
You know that time flies.

901
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:13,120
I want to ask you, Eugenia, what is reproductive control?

902
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:19,120
And what do I do if my partner pressures me to get pregnant or get pregnant?

903
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:27,120
First, if you are already realizing that he is pressuring you, there you already have great news for you.

904
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:36,120
Because if you are already detecting it, it is time to put a limit and go to work it first.

905
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:46,120
You have to realize that it is what attracted you to be with a controller, to question yourself what you do there.

906
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:57,120
Question yourself if you want to continue there and work with a therapist, work with a psychologist, with a sex psychologist and see what will happen with the relationship.

907
00:38:57,120 --> 00:39:07,120
So it's the same, if they want to control me whether I have children or not, whether I have sex or not, they want to pressure me, control me in some way, then therapy is what they want.

908
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:23,120
Now that you mentioned the world of swingers, men and women do not enter the world of swingers for the pleasure of the couple without them having this erotic peculiarity of being swingers or being polyamorous because of the fear of losing the relationship.

909
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,120
This is something that will soon be thrown away.

910
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:29,120
Of course, and today many men are going through that, I say that there are no women who are also interested.

911
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:38,120
But there are many of my friends who tell me that my boyfriend wants us to share, my boyfriend wants a threesome, my boyfriend wants to explore.

912
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:57,120
I get anxious because I suffer because I don't want to share my partner because it is not really a desire that is being shared, rather it is someone deciding with another person, giving up their power to not lose the relationship.

913
00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:04,120
But what Eugenia says is fear, fear is what pushes us all to control, fear.

914
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:08,120
But how to control or sometimes to please.

915
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:23,120
So in this of the swingers, and I have done this to talk to many swingers, there are really many people who do it for pleasure and fear that their partner will leave them or do something without them knowing it.

916
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:29,120
And they stop being who they are because I don't want to get into that but I do it so that they don't leave, but they already left because that's not what I want.

917
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,120
And you happen to do something that does not give you any pleasure?

918
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:38,120
Listen, the time is running out, we are going to say goodbye to the phone but I don't want to stop touching the subject.

919
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:44,120
We have been talking a lot about freedom, love is freedom. What is freedom? What is freedom?

920
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:49,120
For me freedom is power, there are many types of freedoms.

921
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:54,120
Right now I can't take a plane right now to go see my daughter Australia.

922
00:40:54,120 --> 00:41:01,120
That's freedom. But I have freedom, I have freedom of thought for example.

923
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:04,120
I'm not afraid to think, I'm not afraid to question.

924
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:14,120
I have freedom in my relationship with Miguel, my husband, I have freedom to act, to think and to say. Freedom.

925
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:17,120
Eugenia, for you, what is freedom in short? Because time is running out.

926
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:21,120
To be able to be me respecting the rights of others.

927
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,120
Claudia, what is freedom for you?

928
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:28,120
Knowledge and it also has a lot to do with empathy.

929
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,120
Ok, we have one minute. What is trust? The three of us. What is trust?

930
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:34,120
Because you have to trust to be in a truly loving relationship.

931
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:43,120
For me trust is the ability to develop tolerance to not know, to be good with the unknown.

932
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:47,120
That's for me to trust.

933
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:51,120
It's the opposite of control. I'm going to trust.

934
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,120
Yes, I trust because I also don't know.

935
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:54,120
I'm in the present.

936
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,120
We want security, yes we can't.

937
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:00,120
But when I press the security button it disappears.

938
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:05,120
Ok, Eugenia, what is trust for you?

939
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:10,120
Trust is understanding that I can't control what my partner decides.

940
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:13,120
That's her responsibility.

941
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,120
Ok, Claudia?

942
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:21,120
Trust for me is to make the decision to understand differences.

943
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:25,120
To understand, simply.

944
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:30,120
And I also think it's a super loving act.

945
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:42,120
Trust between two people has to be built with the time we spend, with the experiences we have.

946
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,120
And with moments of goodness.

947
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:53,120
Yes, with what you say you're going to do, you do.

948
00:42:53,120 --> 00:43:00,120
And with what you're having fun with. If I trust someone, I'm going to have fun with it.

949
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,120
If I've had moments where I've been good.

950
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:07,120
And if what you're hearing here on Telefórmula Radio Fórmula sounds attractive to you,

951
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:10,120
talk to your partner and tell her you want freedom.

952
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:16,120
For me love is freedom, for me love is to trust, for me love is to give each other support,

953
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:19,120
to be companions, companions, to really support each other.

954
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:23,120
I don't want you to tell me when you come with me don't look at anyone.

955
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,120
Because you have to tell the truth.

956
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:30,120
If that formula of traditional toxic love isn't yours, then tell her.

957
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:33,120
See you tomorrow on Telefórmula Radio Fórmula.

958
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:35,120
Stay tuned on Telecom Maxime Goodside.

959
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,120
And we'll continue talking about loves or controls.

960
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,120
The conversation has a lot to give.

961
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:53,120
Follow us here and vote at marcantonierjil.com diagonalfórmula.

962
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:55,120
Love or control is today's topic.

963
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:59,120
We're still live on Radio Fórmula and we're reviewing songs,

964
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:03,120
songs that have made us normalize what controlling is to love.

965
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:07,120
And if we were 100 Mexicans, the answer would be incorrect.

966
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:10,120
But here's Amaná. Let's listen to Amaná.

967
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:16,120
I'm a mouse from your mouse hole.

968
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:20,120
A trap that doesn't kill but doesn't free.

969
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:22,120
I'm a mouse from your mouse hole.

970
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:26,120
Love that doesn't kill but doesn't free.

971
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,120
And those songs, it's not that people who sing them are bad

972
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:32,120
and say, ah, let's create suffering with this song.

973
00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:35,120
No, because music is art and you write it when you're in pain.

974
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:41,120
And human mind thinks weird things when you're in a depression, right?

975
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:42,120
Exactly.

976
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:43,120
Girls.

977
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:47,120
And you think you love when maybe because of what you're suffering

978
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:50,120
it has nothing to do with love but with heartbreak.

979
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:51,120
Exactly.

980
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:54,120
And it's normal for you to write a song about this or paint a painting

981
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:56,120
or make a script for a movie or art.

982
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:59,120
It's a catharsis, in fact, it's fine.

983
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:01,120
But when we repeat music, music and...

984
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:02,120
Education.

985
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:05,120
And we let ourselves be educated and programmed subconsciously,

986
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,120
that's the problem, right?

987
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:08,120
Of course.

988
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:11,120
Well, let's continue with Claudia Lobatón, psychologist,

989
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:14,120
Adriana Rankin, writer and conferencing, author of the book

990
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:19,120
Compañeras de Vida o Celda, and also with Eugenia Flo, sexologist

991
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,120
from Mazatlán, Sinaloa.

992
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:25,120
Here we have some opinions and questions from our audience.

993
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:28,120
Fanny Beatriz Roig from Merida, Yucatán says,

994
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:32,120
For me, loving is giving freedom. Love is not a prison.

995
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,120
Very good.

996
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:34,120
Bravo.

997
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,120
She says, a few years ago I loved and let it go.

998
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,120
There's a phrase I like, we all know it, I think.

999
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:40,120
If you love someone, let them go.

1000
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:42,120
If they come back to you, it's because it's always yours.

1001
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:44,120
If they don't come back, it's never yours.

1002
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:47,120
I let it go and it came back after 10 years.

1003
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:48,120
Wow.

1004
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:50,120
We have to write a movie about that, right?

1005
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:51,120
Yes, but...

1006
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:52,120
You can't...

1007
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:54,120
Hey, no, this is a good question.

1008
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:57,120
Can you give your partner freedom?

1009
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,120
How can you give freedom to someone?

1010
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,120
How? Why do we think that?

1011
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:03,120
Of course, you shouldn't give her freedom.

1012
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:06,120
You can't just accept it and honor it.

1013
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:07,120
Of course.

1014
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:09,120
You can't do anything else.

1015
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:12,120
If I give you freedom, freedom is yours.

1016
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,120
I honor it. It's not a privilege that I give you.

1017
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,120
Exactly.

1018
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:20,120
It's not because otherwise we would be under a hierarchy.

1019
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:21,120
Of course.

1020
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:25,120
I give myself freedom. I allow myself to enjoy.

1021
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:29,120
But in that love and in the songs and everything...

1022
00:46:28,020 --> 00:46:37,120
stupor that is very precious, but if you get stupefied,

1023
00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:33,240
toss, it's nice to say things.

1024
00:46:33,240 --> 00:46:34,240
But it's a game.

1025
00:46:34,240 --> 00:46:35,240
It's a game.

1026
00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:36,240
Great, right?

1027
00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:38,240
Is it worth saying things to each other?

1028
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:40,120
you tell the other person, I'm yours.

1029
00:46:38,240 --> 00:46:39,240
Of course, that's the point.

1030
00:46:39,240 --> 00:46:40,240
Of course.

1031
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:41,120
I'm yours.

1032
00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:41,240
You can't be like this.

1033
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:42,120
Do whatever you want with me.

1034
00:46:41,240 --> 00:46:43,240
No, if I say something to you, you won't understand.

1035
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:45,120
Well, if they tell me in the right place at the right time,

1036
00:46:43,240 --> 00:46:44,240
You can't do that.

1037
00:46:44,240 --> 00:46:45,240
I mean, come on.

1038
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:47,120
it's fine, but we know it's a game.

1039
00:46:45,240 --> 00:46:46,240
It's the same thing.

1040
00:46:46,240 --> 00:46:47,240
It's the same thing.

1041
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:49,120
But it's not for the rest of your life.

1042
00:46:47,240 --> 00:46:48,240
It's the same thing.

1043
00:46:48,240 --> 00:46:49,240
It's the same thing.

1044
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:51,120
Don't take it so seriously.

1045
00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:51,240
You can't say to each other, I'm your friend,

1046
00:46:51,240 --> 00:46:54,240
I'm your friend, I'm your friend.

1047
00:46:54,240 --> 00:46:56,240
It's the same thing.

1048
00:46:56,240 --> 00:46:57,240
It's a game.

1049
00:46:57,240 --> 00:46:58,240
Isn't it great?

1050
00:46:58,240 --> 00:47:01,240
Is it worth saying things at the time of the Cuchicuchi?

1051
00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:04,240
But we know they are not literally a truth.

1052
00:47:04,240 --> 00:47:06,240
It's that at the time of the Cuchicuchi,

1053
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,240
one says a lot of barbarities.

1054
00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:12,240
Then later when you get up to bathe, you say, Kelly.

1055
00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:15,240
Even, oh my God, oh my God, my presence.

1056
00:47:15,240 --> 00:47:16,240
But it's a game.

1057
00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:17,240
I love you, I love you, I love you.

1058
00:47:17,240 --> 00:47:19,240
It's the Cuchicuchi.

1059
00:47:19,240 --> 00:47:22,240
But it's a little game, it's a role,

1060
00:47:22,240 --> 00:47:25,240
that can keep the spark on, it's very nice.

1061
00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:26,240
Of course.

1062
00:47:26,240 --> 00:47:29,240
Hey, that's what I said, just to get there.

1063
00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:31,240
No, and that's how it feeds.

1064
00:47:31,240 --> 00:47:33,240
It's very nice to feed.

1065
00:47:33,240 --> 00:47:36,240
When I talk about romantic love as something violent,

1066
00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:42,240
I'm not against having a table in a forest at night and a candle.

1067
00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:43,240
That's beautiful.

1068
00:47:43,240 --> 00:47:44,240
How beautiful.

1069
00:47:44,240 --> 00:47:51,240
No, the violent thing is to think that the other person belongs to you,

1070
00:47:51,240 --> 00:47:55,240
that you have to solve your needs.

1071
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:56,240
Of course.

1072
00:47:56,240 --> 00:47:58,240
Hey, Cynthia Leyva from Agua Preta Sonora

1073
00:47:58,240 --> 00:48:00,240
asks a question that has to do with what I was mentioning,

1074
00:48:00,240 --> 00:48:02,240
and the question is for the three of us, right?

1075
00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:06,240
What is the difference between obsession, love and falling in love?

1076
00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:10,240
And she says, how much freedom is healthy to give when you love?

1077
00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:11,240
Give.

1078
00:48:11,240 --> 00:48:13,240
There you go, that one you already answered.

1079
00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:17,240
But what is the difference between obsession, love and falling in love?

1080
00:48:17,240 --> 00:48:19,240
Who wants it? Adriana.

1081
00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:25,240
For me, it's very clear that when I talk about falling in love,

1082
00:48:25,240 --> 00:48:34,240
I think about necessity, addiction, idealizing the other person,

1083
00:48:34,240 --> 00:48:39,240
thinking that it's like, I want it to be, and not how it is.

1084
00:48:39,240 --> 00:48:41,240
I can't see it as it is.

1085
00:48:41,240 --> 00:48:45,240
That's my part of falling in love.

1086
00:48:45,240 --> 00:48:53,240
For me, loving is releasing the person I love from my fears and my needs.

1087
00:48:53,240 --> 00:48:58,240
Wow, releasing the person I make from my fears and my needs.

1088
00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:00,240
I mean, I make myself responsible.

1089
00:49:00,240 --> 00:49:04,240
And that's why I love you, and that's my way of loving Adriana.

1090
00:49:04,240 --> 00:49:05,240
Of course.

1091
00:49:05,240 --> 00:49:09,240
Eugenia, what is the difference between obsession, love and falling in love?

1092
00:49:09,240 --> 00:49:12,240
The only beauty there is love.

1093
00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:14,240
The only beauty.

1094
00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:19,240
The obsession is only you and no one else but you, and you have to be you.

1095
00:49:19,240 --> 00:49:22,240
And if the other doesn't suit me or the other doesn't suit me,

1096
00:49:22,240 --> 00:49:24,240
then what am I capable of?

1097
00:49:24,240 --> 00:49:25,240
Of course.

1098
00:49:25,240 --> 00:49:26,240
Right?

1099
00:49:26,240 --> 00:49:29,240
That's where we enter a danger zone, because there is an obsession.

1100
00:49:29,240 --> 00:49:30,240
Okay?

1101
00:49:30,240 --> 00:49:31,240
You can do that.

1102
00:49:31,240 --> 00:49:35,240
The phase of falling in love, well, neuroscience tells us,

1103
00:49:35,240 --> 00:49:40,240
don't decide anything important in the phase of falling in love.

1104
00:49:40,240 --> 00:49:45,240
And remembering Dr. Eduardo Felipso tells us that it's the first 10,000 days, right?

1105
00:49:45,240 --> 00:49:47,240
The phase of falling in love.

1106
00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:48,240
10,000 days.

1107
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:51,240
Around there, Claudia, we are grateful for your help.

1108
00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:52,240
10,000 days.

1109
00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:54,240
What are the phases of falling in love?

1110
00:49:54,240 --> 00:49:56,240
How long does it last?

1111
00:49:56,240 --> 00:50:00,240
It can last three months and it can extend to three years, and it depends.

1112
00:50:00,240 --> 00:50:05,240
And it has also been proven that you can fall in love again with the same person,

1113
00:50:05,240 --> 00:50:09,240
but taking into account that there is a new relationship, which is unlikely,

1114
00:50:09,240 --> 00:50:11,240
but it happens.

1115
00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:15,240
But when I'm in love, I'm dumbfounded by not using another word.

1116
00:50:15,240 --> 00:50:16,240
I know.

1117
00:50:16,240 --> 00:50:18,240
And you can't love while you're in love.

1118
00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:20,240
When you're in love, you can't love?

1119
00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:27,240
From my point of view, you can love once you stop being in love.

1120
00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:33,240
And there, I know that people are shocked because there is a mixture between how,

1121
00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:36,240
if it's, I want to live in love, but until...

1122
00:50:36,240 --> 00:50:38,240
No, there is no love at first sight, right?

1123
00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:40,240
There is no love at first sight.

1124
00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:42,240
Strong statements in the formula.

1125
00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:44,240
There is no love at first sight.

1126
00:50:44,240 --> 00:50:46,240
But if all movies tell me so...

1127
00:50:46,240 --> 00:50:47,240
It's falling in love.

1128
00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:54,240
I would put the obsession, falling in love and loving as a matryoshka,

1129
00:50:54,240 --> 00:50:59,240
where the obsession is a series of recurring thoughts,

1130
00:50:59,240 --> 00:51:04,240
where I'm fixed only towards one place and I don't see anything else around me.

1131
00:51:04,240 --> 00:51:09,240
It can even be quite pathological and part of many mental illnesses.

1132
00:51:09,240 --> 00:51:15,240
Falling in love is a process that is chemical, that is natural,

1133
00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:21,240
that is in function of reproduction and that usually has obsessive thoughts.

1134
00:51:21,240 --> 00:51:23,240
And that will always end.

1135
00:51:23,240 --> 00:51:29,240
It will end, it has a duration, it is chemical, important decisions are not made.

1136
00:51:29,240 --> 00:51:31,240
And the third one, which is love,

1137
00:51:31,240 --> 00:51:35,240
love is a decision after you have gone through the love process,

1138
00:51:35,240 --> 00:51:39,240
now you decide if you want to love that person or not.

1139
00:51:39,240 --> 00:51:45,240
Which is a decision of your own and which is a consequence of self-knowledge,

1140
00:51:45,240 --> 00:51:47,240
which is a consequence of well-being,

1141
00:51:47,240 --> 00:51:50,240
which is a consequence of wanting to share with you

1142
00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:54,240
and that you are accepting what the other person has with their resources.

1143
00:51:54,240 --> 00:51:55,240
Sure.

1144
00:51:55,240 --> 00:52:00,240
Hey, it comes to mind, Andy, look for Miguel Mateo's song, the obsession, do you remember?

1145
00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:02,240
From the times of Spanish rock.

1146
00:52:02,240 --> 00:52:05,240
It comes to mind that there is a step from hate to love,

1147
00:52:05,240 --> 00:52:11,240
but with what you are saying I am understanding that it is not that from hate to love there is a step,

1148
00:52:11,240 --> 00:52:14,240
from obsession to hate there is a step.

1149
00:52:14,240 --> 00:52:19,240
Because if you don't answer me, if you don't do what I want, then I'm going to hate you.

1150
00:52:19,240 --> 00:52:20,240
Or am I wrong?

1151
00:52:20,240 --> 00:52:23,240
No, no, no, it has a lot to do with it, but wow,

1152
00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:26,240
I would also like to understand what you call hate.

1153
00:52:26,240 --> 00:52:30,240
No, no, no, that's what the phrase says, I'm not saying hate.

1154
00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:32,240
What you say is that I hate love.

1155
00:52:32,240 --> 00:52:35,240
And my step, for example, happens to those of us who sometimes are,

1156
00:52:35,240 --> 00:52:38,240
it doesn't have to be a couple, to those of us who are public people,

1157
00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:45,240
fans who love you, love you, love you, but it is one thing that they don't see well

1158
00:52:45,240 --> 00:52:48,240
and then you go from being their greatest idol to hating you, you are a hypocrite,

1159
00:52:48,240 --> 00:52:52,240
I'm leaving, I'm not going to follow you anymore, that's what I mean.

1160
00:52:52,240 --> 00:52:58,240
Yes, yes, it has to do with this rigid thought, these high expectations,

1161
00:52:58,240 --> 00:53:03,240
hate comes from this feeling of despair,

1162
00:53:03,240 --> 00:53:08,240
and also because I like it a lot in a couple, to see this from the mirror.

1163
00:53:08,240 --> 00:53:18,240
Everything I'm looking for in you are things that I once lacked in my life story.

1164
00:53:18,240 --> 00:53:23,240
It can be like a pendulum, it can be, for example,

1165
00:53:23,240 --> 00:53:26,240
if I lived with an alcoholic person, it could be that I liked alcohol a lot,

1166
00:53:26,240 --> 00:53:30,240
it could be that I rejected it on an excessive level,

1167
00:53:30,240 --> 00:53:34,240
and if I'm aware of it, then I've already worked on it,

1168
00:53:34,240 --> 00:53:39,240
or I relate to people who have a problem with alcohol to look for a way to save them.

1169
00:53:39,240 --> 00:53:42,240
I think of falling in love and I have it there in my book,

1170
00:53:42,240 --> 00:53:45,240
a phrase or a little poem that says,

1171
00:53:45,240 --> 00:53:49,240
I fall in love with you because of what you see in me,

1172
00:53:49,240 --> 00:53:54,240
your words transform me, they make me love myself,

1173
00:53:54,240 --> 00:54:00,240
that's why it hurts when you leave, because I return to the blindness of my own beauty.

1174
00:54:00,240 --> 00:54:04,240
Wow, you should write a book. Oh, it's already in the book.

1175
00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:06,240
I gave it to you.

1176
00:54:06,240 --> 00:54:09,240
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Eugenia, we have 30 seconds, because we're going to a break,

1177
00:54:09,240 --> 00:54:13,240
but I want you to tell me, obsession, from love to hate, is there a step,

1178
00:54:13,240 --> 00:54:17,240
or is it from obsession to hate, a step? What do you think of this?

1179
00:54:17,240 --> 00:54:24,240
Well, both obsession is dangerous, as we have already seen,

1180
00:54:24,240 --> 00:54:28,240
I have tried these cases of obsession,

1181
00:54:28,240 --> 00:54:33,240
obsession always derives almost in a restriction order,

1182
00:54:33,240 --> 00:54:37,240
many times when there is a person who is obsessed with someone,

1183
00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:40,240
he can come to charge that person,

1184
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:47,240
I think they are interesting points that would require another program,

1185
00:54:47,240 --> 00:54:52,240
and the other issue of passing to hate,

1186
00:54:52,240 --> 00:54:56,240
I can't have you, you don't correspond to me,

1187
00:54:56,240 --> 00:54:59,240
so now I hate you, but do I really hate you?

1188
00:54:59,240 --> 00:55:01,240
Or do I hate myself?

1189
00:55:01,240 --> 00:55:05,240
Hate is a projection, I hate myself and I project it on you in some way.

1190
00:55:05,240 --> 00:55:08,240
Like why do I hate you if you don't correspond to me?

1191
00:55:08,240 --> 00:55:10,240
Of course, well.

1192
00:55:10,240 --> 00:55:13,240
Well, you are obliged, if I love you, I am responsible for this love.

1193
00:55:13,240 --> 00:55:17,240
Of course, let's go to the break with the beautiful song of Miguel Mateos, we'll see.

1194
00:55:17,240 --> 00:55:26,240
Obsession, obsession, a ball of destiny,

1195
00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:32,240
I put you on my path, that's why.

1196
00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:37,240
Do you want to start, grow or monetize your podcast?

1197
00:55:37,240 --> 00:55:41,240
Know all the secrets, all the secrets, of everything.

1198
00:55:41,240 --> 00:55:43,240
Where and when you want.

1199
00:55:43,240 --> 00:55:44,240
It's going to change your life.

1200
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:51,240
RSS.com, storage, distribution and programming of your episodes in one place.

1201
00:55:51,240 --> 00:55:54,240
Hosted and distributed by RSS.com.

1202
00:55:54,240 --> 00:55:59,240
RSS.com, make podcasts easily.

1203
00:56:02,240 --> 00:56:08,240
Connect and build through our conversation, through our conversation, through us.

1204
00:56:08,240 --> 00:56:12,240
We return with Marco Antonio Regil in formula.

1205
00:56:12,240 --> 00:56:15,240
Do you love or control? That is today's question.

1206
00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:18,240
I'm seeing here on my Instagram that is Marco Antonio Regil.

1207
00:56:18,240 --> 00:56:20,240
Wendland03 says, is it wrong?

1208
00:56:20,240 --> 00:56:29,240
About today's question, if you check or not check, if you get your partner to check your cell phone.

1209
00:56:29,240 --> 00:56:33,240
He says, it's wrong, but that's how you find out about reality.

1210
00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:35,240
Can, can, can, can.

1211
00:56:35,240 --> 00:56:37,240
You can't ask because you don't believe him.

1212
00:56:37,240 --> 00:56:39,240
Well, I'll tell you that here in a studio that I already lost,

1213
00:56:39,240 --> 00:56:43,240
33% of Mexicans say that when they've searched they've found.

1214
00:56:43,240 --> 00:56:44,240
Of course.

1215
00:56:44,240 --> 00:56:45,240
Oh, dad.

1216
00:56:45,240 --> 00:56:49,240
Well, Gabby08 says, that's an insult to me.

1217
00:56:49,240 --> 00:56:51,240
I would never allow myself to have that toxicity.

1218
00:56:51,240 --> 00:56:52,240
That's why I go to therapy.

1219
00:56:52,240 --> 00:56:53,240
Very good, Gabby.

1220
00:56:53,240 --> 00:56:55,240
A round of applause for Gabby.

1221
00:56:55,240 --> 00:57:01,240
I always say that the sexiest thing I can find in a woman, as a single man, is that she tells me that she goes to therapy.

1222
00:57:01,240 --> 00:57:02,240
What a thing.

1223
00:57:02,240 --> 00:57:05,240
The lingerie of emotions.

1224
00:57:05,240 --> 00:57:06,240
What a thing.

1225
00:57:06,240 --> 00:57:07,240
I go to therapy.

1226
00:57:07,240 --> 00:57:09,240
How many times a week.

1227
00:57:09,240 --> 00:57:11,240
I already forgave my parents.

1228
00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:12,240
I'm working in my inner child.

1229
00:57:12,240 --> 00:57:14,240
I am responsible for my emotions.

1230
00:57:14,240 --> 00:57:16,240
I, oh, little one.

1231
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:17,240
A tequila, please.

1232
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:20,240
Well, check it out, says Ross Cáceres.

1233
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:22,240
Checking it out is not the problem.

1234
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,240
The problem is your insecurity.

1235
00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:28,240
And if your partner provokes that insecurity, there we are as if taking responsibility for the couple.

1236
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:29,240
Exactly.

1237
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:30,240
How about that?

1238
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:32,240
But at least it's already being realized.

1239
00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:34,240
We are realizing it, but therapy is missing.

1240
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:36,240
We all lack therapy, I include myself.

1241
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,240
Miach on Instagram.

1242
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:41,240
We both do it, but there is also respect.

1243
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:42,240
It's mutual agreement.

1244
00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:44,240
Oh, great.

1245
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:46,240
I mean, I give you my...

1246
00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:48,240
How are you doing that?

1247
00:57:48,240 --> 00:57:54,240
Well, that's what I was telling Clau here, that respect is defined only between the couple.

1248
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:57,240
If for them that is to respect, well, there it is.

1249
00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:59,240
It's fine, it's fine.

1250
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:00,240
Respect is everyone.

1251
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:01,240
Yes.

1252
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:02,240
There is no respect.

1253
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:03,240
Everyone has their own...

1254
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:04,240
Everyone has their own...

1255
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:05,240
Everyone has their own...

1256
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:06,240
Everyone has their own...

1257
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:09,240
Hey, response from Javi Azul on Instagram.

1258
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:14,240
Nefasto, the fault is not the phone, it's you for being with someone who doesn't value you.

1259
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:16,240
Bye, what follows.

1260
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:18,240
Very good, very good.

1261
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:20,240
Hey, what was I...

1262
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,240
What were we talking about?

1263
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:23,240
What were we talking about?

1264
00:58:23,240 --> 00:58:24,240
About love and hate.

1265
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:26,240
About love and hate.

1266
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:30,240
What I was saying is that they are not counterparts.

1267
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:33,240
Hate is not the counterpart of love.

1268
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:35,240
Hate is not the absence of love.

1269
00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:41,240
It's not the counterpart, because you feel the same amount of hate as the same amount of love.

1270
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:47,240
But not love, that is, the counterpart of love is indifference.

1271
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:50,240
It's already worth everything.

1272
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:52,240
Of course, indifference is the opposite of love.

1273
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:55,240
If there is love, I care, and I am involved.

1274
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:56,240
And if not...

1275
00:58:56,240 --> 00:59:02,240
And now, girls, Eugenia and Clau, you in therapy, when you see a couple who already have indifference, is it worth it?

1276
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:03,240
Is it worth it?

1277
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:11,240
Well, it's not worth it, but it is explaining that relationships die, even if they can continue being there.

1278
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:14,240
And that they have to be aware and make the decision.

1279
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:17,240
Okay, look, here is a statistic, listen to this.

1280
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:20,240
Excuse me, Eugenia, the same question for you.

1281
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:22,240
When there is no interest...

1282
00:59:22,240 --> 00:59:29,240
No, you have to be clear about what is what has you together, and it's not always love, and it's also worth it, as long as you are aware.

1283
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:30,240
Okay.

1284
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:34,240
Here is a statistic, also from Avast, published in 2022, says,

1285
00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:39,240
Two out of five couples fought for something they discovered on their partner's phone.

1286
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:40,240
Two out of five.

1287
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:41,240
That's a lot.

1288
00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:42,240
It's high.

1289
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:43,240
But look at this statistic, it says,

1290
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:49,240
19% of the couples found, memorized the password of their partner.

1291
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:54,240
They learned it, they didn't see it, they memorized it, they looked at it there in the restaurant.

1292
00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:55,240
Then it says,

1293
00:59:55,240 --> 01:00:00,240
6% cheated on their partner to unlock their phone.

1294
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:04,240
And listen to this, I can't believe this, God, free me from this.

1295
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:09,240
4% used their partner's fingerprint while they were sleeping to unlock it.

1296
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:12,240
I mean, I can't sleep at all if there is no trust, really.

1297
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:16,240
And you wake up like this, oh, I like your little hand.

1298
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:18,240
Exactly.

1299
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,240
And while at night like this.

1300
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:23,240
There has to be trust, right? Eugenia, what do you think of this?

1301
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:25,240
Let's see.

1302
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:26,240
Oh, it's so hard, isn't it?

1303
01:00:26,240 --> 01:00:30,240
And that phrase, how do you live your life?

1304
01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:35,240
I mean, what makes me constantly think that my partner is unfaithful, that he is cheating on me?

1305
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:38,240
I mean, where does that thought come from?

1306
01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:40,240
Well, maybe you've done it.

1307
01:00:40,240 --> 01:00:42,240
Leon thinks that everything is under his condition.

1308
01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:43,240
Exactly.

1309
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:44,240
Where does that come from?

1310
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:45,240
Why?

1311
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:50,240
Now, if I have a foundation, what good is it for me to complain, complain, complain, and not do anything about it?

1312
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:54,240
What do I do there? What joy is there that I recognize?

1313
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:56,240
There are people who like to suffer.

1314
01:00:56,240 --> 01:00:59,240
When I didn't go to therapy and I was toxic, there was like an adrenaline rush.

1315
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:04,240
I was jealous, I was jealous. It was like a competition all the time to retain it.

1316
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:06,240
Addiction to cortisol.

1317
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:07,240
Addiction to cortisol.

1318
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:12,240
And the need and feeling of validation to have reason.

1319
01:01:12,240 --> 01:01:18,240
Many times we find out that we are uncomfortable, that it doesn't do us good.

1320
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:22,240
Just because of the feeling of saying, I am the good one.

1321
01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:26,240
And because of the fallacy of the lost cost.

1322
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:31,240
I mean, I invested a lot in this relationship. Now I'm left to see.

1323
01:01:31,240 --> 01:01:35,240
It costs what it costs. Even if it costs my well-being.

1324
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:41,240
When I realized what you were talking about, it was when I read that book by Eckhart Tolle, The New Earth,

1325
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:44,240
which is not an easy book, it's not for beginners, but it's a very good book.

1326
01:01:44,240 --> 01:01:48,240
And he was talking about the body of pain, which is like a zombie,

1327
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:52,240
that every time it feels pain and drama, it's like it's taking life.

1328
01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:59,240
And that body of pain is claiming toxicity because it lives from that and wants to be awake.

1329
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:03,240
And when you don't give it that toxicity, it's dying and it doesn't want to die.

1330
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:04,240
It's its food.

1331
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:05,240
Do you remember that part?

1332
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:09,240
Yes, you reminded me of a therapeutic exercise called Monsters of Love,

1333
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:14,240
which has a whole narrative and talks a lot about the body of pain.

1334
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:17,240
The body of pain, you have to see it as an entity.

1335
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:19,240
It's not me, but it's an entity.

1336
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:24,240
And the more you feed it, Eugenia, the more life and strength it has.

1337
01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:28,240
You have to put it in a fast, not intermittent, but permanent.

1338
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,240
Exactly.

1339
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:36,960
Touch the

1340
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:42,960
original point.

1341
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:46,960
Thank you so much, Marco.

1342
01:02:46,960 --> 01:02:47,960
Thank you, Marco.

1343
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:48,960
Of course.

1344
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:53,960
I think with what we could have from this program, with so many important contributions,

1345
01:02:53,960 --> 01:03:01,960
I think as a society we should be learning that the best thing that could happen is

1346
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:09,360
is stop watching others and start working on our best version.

1347
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:14,360
Stop comparing me, stop thinking about what my partner will be doing,

1348
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:17,560
if he will be being faithful or not, if he will be more beautiful or not,

1349
01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:22,760
more, more, more, more, and work on my best version day by day.

1350
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:24,960
And from there everything will flow much better.

1351
01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:28,760
You can follow me on Instagram, I'm like sexologist,

1352
01:03:28,760 --> 01:03:31,960
Kion Bajo, Eugenia, nothing more.

1353
01:03:31,960 --> 01:03:35,360
I'm going to give you my Instagram so that in a single social network

1354
01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:37,960
you can follow me, sexologist, Kion Bajo, Eugenia.

1355
01:03:37,960 --> 01:03:41,760
Thank you very much to Marco, Claudia and Adriana.

1356
01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:43,560
It was a pleasure to have coincided with you, Eugenia.

1357
01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:47,360
Time flies, Adriana Rankin, where can we find your book?

1358
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:48,560
And you have a masterclass.

1359
01:03:48,560 --> 01:03:52,760
Yes, I have a webinar this Saturday at 11.30 in the morning.

1360
01:03:52,760 --> 01:03:55,560
The topic is, do you suffer?

1361
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:58,760
Don't suffer because of love, because love doesn't hurt.

1362
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:01,160
What hurts are romantic beliefs.

1363
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:04,160
Look for me on Instagram, like Adriana Rankin,

1364
01:04:04,160 --> 01:04:08,560
and to buy my book you can enter Amazon, look for it,

1365
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:11,560
like this, companions of life or Zelda.

1366
01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:14,960
Ok, perfect. Claudia, where can we find you to follow you?

1367
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:16,560
At www.sexologist.cloud.

1368
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:20,760
Please go to therapy, dare to meet,

1369
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:23,960
and that is my conclusion, because if there is no knowledge, there is no love.

1370
01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:25,560
The topic is to go inside.

1371
01:04:25,560 --> 01:04:26,360
Go inside.

1372
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:27,560
And there is the solution.

1373
01:04:27,560 --> 01:04:29,960
If Jordi and I have achieved it, you can also see it.

1374
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:30,760
Of course.

1375
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:34,160
If my dear Jordi is where he is.

1376
01:04:34,160 --> 01:04:36,760
Yes, he is where he is.

1377
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:38,960
That is why self-knowledge is at the bottom.

1378
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:40,960
Of course, we have thought difficult things, but therapy is going a lot.

1379
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:41,560
I have said it.

1380
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:41,960
Yes, yes, yes.

1381
01:04:41,960 --> 01:04:43,560
My friend, I have worked on it, it is noticeable.

1382
01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:47,160
It is another conversation that is given with someone who has gone to therapy.

1383
01:04:47,160 --> 01:04:51,560
Tomorrow on Radio Fórmula and Telefórmula we will talk about love in the times of Tinder.

1384
01:04:51,560 --> 01:04:55,960
Love in the times of Tinder and two people who are actors and actresses

1385
01:04:55,960 --> 01:04:57,960
who met their partner on Tinder will come.

1386
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:02,160
And we will also talk, the Mexican Hitch will be with us,

1387
01:05:02,160 --> 01:05:05,360
a super, super expert in relationships.

1388
01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:08,760
Can love be found in applications?

1389
01:05:08,760 --> 01:05:12,160
Would you trust someone who exists in an application?

1390
01:05:12,160 --> 01:05:15,160
That is the question of tomorrow here on Radio Fórmula and Telefórmula.

1391
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:15,960
I am Marco Antonio Regil.

1392
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:18,160
You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube,

1393
01:05:18,160 --> 01:05:20,360
everywhere as marcoantoniorregil.

1394
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:21,560
Thank you, see you tomorrow.

1395
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:22,560
Thank you girls.

1396
01:05:22,560 --> 01:05:23,560
Thank you.

1397
01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:24,560
Thank you.

1398
01:05:24,560 --> 01:05:24,960
See you tomorrow.

1399
01:05:24,960 --> 01:05:50,960
Thank you all.

1400
01:05:54,960 --> 01:06:09,960
Thank you.

