WEBVTT 00:00:00.490 --> 00:00:05.030 Hi, I'm Cara. I believe every woman carries a 00:00:05.030 --> 00:00:08.009 vision of who she longs to become, and that's 00:00:08.009 --> 00:00:11.449 no accident. Grab your favorite beverage and 00:00:11.449 --> 00:00:15.169 settle into a cozy spot, because this is that 00:00:15.169 --> 00:00:18.109 kind of conversation. That quiet knowing you're 00:00:18.109 --> 00:00:21.609 meant for more? It's not wishful thinking, but 00:00:21.609 --> 00:00:24.870 a calling on your heart. And every soul calling 00:00:24.870 --> 00:00:29.820 deserves an answer. Not some day, today. Right 00:00:29.820 --> 00:00:33.399 now. Together, we'll explore what it really means 00:00:33.399 --> 00:00:38.420 to be her now. The healing, the worthiness, the 00:00:38.420 --> 00:00:42.359 work, the becoming. Because none of us were meant 00:00:42.359 --> 00:00:45.219 to figure this out on our own. Whatever brought 00:00:45.219 --> 00:00:50.100 you here today, trust it. You belong here. Today, 00:00:50.100 --> 00:00:53.380 we're talking about perimenopause. And before 00:00:53.380 --> 00:00:57.320 you skip ahead, stay with me. Because whether 00:00:57.320 --> 00:01:01.329 you're already in it, or approaching it or loving 00:01:01.329 --> 00:01:04.670 someone who is, this conversation is absolutely 00:01:04.670 --> 00:01:08.310 for you. It's important to note that when perimenopause 00:01:08.310 --> 00:01:12.689 hit for me, I wasn't checked out. I was trying. 00:01:13.269 --> 00:01:16.370 I was doing all the things. Maybe not perfectly 00:01:16.370 --> 00:01:19.510 and maybe not always consistently, but I was 00:01:19.510 --> 00:01:22.129 absolutely trying to take good care of myself. 00:01:22.250 --> 00:01:25.189 And what I noticed was that when I fell off track, 00:01:25.590 --> 00:01:29.209 even a little bit, My body's response was far 00:01:29.209 --> 00:01:32.230 more dramatic than it had ever been. Recovery 00:01:32.230 --> 00:01:36.730 took longer. The consequences came faster. Things 00:01:36.730 --> 00:01:39.930 that used to be a minor detour started feeling 00:01:39.930 --> 00:01:42.870 like a full derailment, and I couldn't figure 00:01:42.870 --> 00:01:46.230 out why I was working harder for worse results. 00:01:46.870 --> 00:01:49.689 Here's the part nobody warned me about. The habits 00:01:49.689 --> 00:01:53.109 that had carried me through my 30s, the ones 00:01:53.109 --> 00:01:55.790 that had always worked. the ones I could return 00:01:55.790 --> 00:01:58.670 to when I'd gone off track, they had stopped 00:01:58.670 --> 00:02:02.030 working the way they used to. Or they'd work 00:02:02.030 --> 00:02:05.609 for a little while and then just stop. Or they'd 00:02:05.609 --> 00:02:09.050 work so slowly that I'd lose interest before 00:02:09.050 --> 00:02:13.110 I ever saw any results. I thought I just needed 00:02:13.110 --> 00:02:16.889 more discipline, more consistency, more willpower. 00:02:17.550 --> 00:02:21.069 What I actually needed was an entirely different 00:02:21.069 --> 00:02:24.439 map. Because somewhere between my late 30s and 00:02:24.439 --> 00:02:27.560 my early 40s, the terrain had completely shifted 00:02:27.560 --> 00:02:30.860 underneath me. Quietly, without announcement, 00:02:31.259 --> 00:02:33.659 and I was still navigating with directions written 00:02:33.659 --> 00:02:37.099 for a place I no longer lived. That's what today 00:02:37.099 --> 00:02:40.560 is about. It's about the terrain shift. It's 00:02:40.560 --> 00:02:42.819 about what's actually happening in your body, 00:02:42.979 --> 00:02:46.460 and why the old rules don't apply anymore. It's 00:02:46.460 --> 00:02:49.699 about why you're not broken, you're not behind, 00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:52.879 and you're not failing. I have a dear friend 00:02:52.879 --> 00:02:55.979 who grew up in Mexico, and when I was sharing 00:02:55.979 --> 00:02:59.979 with her some of my trials and tribulations, 00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:02.879 she said something to me that I have not been 00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:05.759 able to stop thinking about since, and I've shared 00:03:05.759 --> 00:03:08.780 with so many people. She told me that in her 00:03:08.780 --> 00:03:11.439 culture, there's a saying about perimenopause. 00:03:12.039 --> 00:03:15.939 The way you come in is the way you go out, meaning 00:03:15.939 --> 00:03:19.879 the way you came into your perimenopause. Your 00:03:19.879 --> 00:03:23.599 perimenopause mirrors your puberty. I've sat 00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:26.960 with that for a long time, and the more I've 00:03:26.960 --> 00:03:29.879 looked back, the more true that has proven to 00:03:29.879 --> 00:03:33.819 be, at least for me. As a teenager, I had extremely 00:03:33.819 --> 00:03:37.699 intense migraines, super painful, very debilitating, 00:03:37.979 --> 00:03:40.860 and they would take me out, usually around my 00:03:40.860 --> 00:03:43.659 period and ovulation. They went completely away, 00:03:43.659 --> 00:03:47.620 and I spent most of my 20s and 30s largely migraine 00:03:47.620 --> 00:03:50.490 -free. and I really didn't think much about it. 00:03:50.750 --> 00:03:54.250 And then in my late 30s early 40s they started 00:03:54.250 --> 00:03:57.430 coming back exactly where they'd been before. 00:03:58.050 --> 00:04:00.969 The heavy cramps I'd had as a teenager gone through 00:04:00.969 --> 00:04:04.490 my 20s and 30s totally back now. I've always 00:04:04.490 --> 00:04:07.569 had cravings when I'm PMSing but now they're 00:04:07.569 --> 00:04:11.210 so intense they feel almost primal. They have 00:04:11.210 --> 00:04:14.889 this emotional intensity that can catch me completely 00:04:14.889 --> 00:04:18.129 off guard. It's almost like I'm on the same roller 00:04:18.129 --> 00:04:21.470 coaster I rode in middle school, but the peaks 00:04:21.470 --> 00:04:24.689 and the valleys are five times the size, and 00:04:24.689 --> 00:04:27.050 there's about a quarter of the number of peaks. 00:04:27.870 --> 00:04:30.889 Most of the ride now has been valleys for quite 00:04:30.889 --> 00:04:34.110 some time. And here's the part that I think is 00:04:34.110 --> 00:04:38.310 so important to name. I feel just as frumpy and 00:04:38.310 --> 00:04:40.509 uncomfortable in my body as I did as a teenager. 00:04:40.949 --> 00:04:44.550 That awkward, nothing -fits -who -even -is -this 00:04:44.550 --> 00:04:47.850 -person feeling is completely back. Just with 00:04:47.850 --> 00:04:50.870 a little more life experience to temper it. Maybe 00:04:50.870 --> 00:04:53.329 with just enough perspective to look at it and 00:04:53.329 --> 00:04:56.610 say, okay, I've been here before, I came through 00:04:56.610 --> 00:04:59.910 it before, I'll come through it again. But that's 00:04:59.910 --> 00:05:03.509 what the saying is really telling us. This process 00:05:03.509 --> 00:05:06.470 of going through perimenopause and stepping into 00:05:06.470 --> 00:05:11.189 menopause is not chaos. This is a full circle 00:05:11.189 --> 00:05:14.850 symmetry and it's so important and helpful to 00:05:14.850 --> 00:05:16.910 remember that your body has done something like 00:05:16.910 --> 00:05:20.209 this before. It knows the territory even when 00:05:20.209 --> 00:05:23.930 you don't. The way you came in is the way you 00:05:23.930 --> 00:05:26.930 go out and you made it through the coming in. 00:05:27.470 --> 00:05:29.730 So let's talk about what's actually happening 00:05:29.730 --> 00:05:32.209 because I think one of the most disorienting 00:05:32.209 --> 00:05:34.769 things about perimenopause is that nobody tells 00:05:34.769 --> 00:05:37.709 you it's coming until you're already in it. And 00:05:37.709 --> 00:05:39.949 by then, you've been googling your symptoms for 00:05:39.949 --> 00:05:42.149 two years, wondering if something is seriously 00:05:42.149 --> 00:05:44.689 wrong with you. Here's what I want you to know. 00:05:45.529 --> 00:05:48.490 Perimenopause is not something that begins at 00:05:48.490 --> 00:05:52.670 50. It's not something that begins at 45. For 00:05:52.670 --> 00:05:55.569 many women, it's beginning in their mid -30s 00:05:55.569 --> 00:05:59.050 to early 40s. And that number appears to be trending 00:05:59.050 --> 00:06:02.670 younger and younger. There's growing evidence 00:06:02.670 --> 00:06:05.089 that this is connected to the state of our nutrition, 00:06:05.670 --> 00:06:08.779 to our food system, to the chronic stress most 00:06:08.779 --> 00:06:11.579 of us are living under and the toxic load our 00:06:11.579 --> 00:06:14.839 bodies are carrying. Our grandmothers may have 00:06:14.839 --> 00:06:17.860 entered perimenopause later, partly because their 00:06:17.860 --> 00:06:20.680 food was less processed, their nervous systems 00:06:20.680 --> 00:06:23.779 less chronically activated, and their bodies 00:06:23.779 --> 00:06:26.639 were less burdened by what ours are navigating 00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:29.759 every day. So if you're in your late 30s and 00:06:29.759 --> 00:06:33.459 something feels just off, your cycles are changing, 00:06:33.740 --> 00:06:36.500 your moods are shifting, Maybe in ways that feel 00:06:36.500 --> 00:06:39.620 bigger than just PMS. Your sleep is disturbed. 00:06:39.839 --> 00:06:41.899 Your body is responding differently than it used 00:06:41.899 --> 00:06:45.519 to. Your mental health feels off. Please do not 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:48.480 let someone tell you you're too young. Don't 00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:53.259 let anyone dismiss you. You know your body. Trust 00:06:53.259 --> 00:06:56.860 what you're feeling. And please find a practitioner 00:06:56.860 --> 00:06:59.779 who will actually partner with you. Someone who 00:06:59.779 --> 00:07:02.389 looks at the whole picture Someone who believes 00:07:02.389 --> 00:07:04.949 that healing is possible for the systems that 00:07:04.949 --> 00:07:07.529 are going to support the most comfortable journey 00:07:07.529 --> 00:07:10.529 towards menopause. Not just someone who monitors 00:07:10.529 --> 00:07:13.509 your numbers and then sends you home. Someone 00:07:13.509 --> 00:07:16.670 who is willing to dig into nutrition, gut health, 00:07:17.089 --> 00:07:20.750 hormones, your nervous system, the full picture 00:07:20.750 --> 00:07:24.089 of what your body is moving through. That person, 00:07:24.089 --> 00:07:28.089 I can assure you, exists. Keep looking until 00:07:28.089 --> 00:07:31.540 you find them. And when they've walked alongside 00:07:31.540 --> 00:07:36.040 you as far as they can go, change them. You are 00:07:36.040 --> 00:07:38.920 allowed to outgrow a practitioner that is on 00:07:38.920 --> 00:07:42.360 your health team. You are allowed to need more 00:07:42.360 --> 00:07:44.899 or different than what they are currently providing. 00:07:45.579 --> 00:07:47.579 I want to say something that might be a little 00:07:47.579 --> 00:07:50.220 countercultural, especially coming from someone 00:07:50.220 --> 00:07:54.139 in the wellness space who loves to try the new 00:07:54.139 --> 00:07:56.100 and shiny things to help improve her health. 00:07:56.350 --> 00:07:58.970 But the conversation around perimenopause has 00:07:58.970 --> 00:08:01.910 opened up enormously in the last several years. 00:08:02.589 --> 00:08:04.889 Women have collectively decided to stop suffering 00:08:04.889 --> 00:08:08.350 in silence. Practitioners are talking about it. 00:08:08.750 --> 00:08:12.149 There are podcasts and books and Instagram accounts 00:08:12.149 --> 00:08:15.350 and entire product lines dedicated to it now. 00:08:15.790 --> 00:08:20.069 And that is genuinely beautiful. The shift really 00:08:20.069 --> 00:08:23.569 matters. But I want to name something I've been 00:08:23.569 --> 00:08:27.230 sitting with. There is an entire industry being 00:08:27.230 --> 00:08:30.470 built around this transition. And like most wellness 00:08:30.470 --> 00:08:33.649 industries, it has a way of quietly reframing 00:08:33.649 --> 00:08:37.429 what is a very natural process to be a problem 00:08:37.429 --> 00:08:40.149 that needs to be solved. This thing that we have 00:08:40.149 --> 00:08:44.230 to fix. A thing to optimize, to manage, to push 00:08:44.230 --> 00:08:47.509 through and to survive. And I'll be honest, I 00:08:47.509 --> 00:08:50.490 fell for it. I went looking for the thing that 00:08:50.490 --> 00:08:53.049 would make this stop or at least make it look 00:08:53.049 --> 00:08:55.909 like it had stopped. The supplement that would 00:08:55.909 --> 00:08:58.690 balance my hormones permanently. The protocol 00:08:58.690 --> 00:09:00.970 that would get me back to feeling like myself 00:09:00.970 --> 00:09:04.210 at 35. And here's the freedom I found on the 00:09:04.210 --> 00:09:08.409 other side of that search. This, perimenopause, 00:09:08.889 --> 00:09:12.370 is not something I'm going to fix. Perimenopause 00:09:12.370 --> 00:09:16.289 is not a disease. It's not a malfunction. This 00:09:16.289 --> 00:09:19.789 is a sacred threshold. One of the most significant 00:09:19.789 --> 00:09:22.649 transitions a woman's body will ever move through. 00:09:23.039 --> 00:09:25.639 And the question isn't, how do I stop this from 00:09:25.639 --> 00:09:29.220 happening? The question is, how do I cross this 00:09:29.220 --> 00:09:32.620 threshold with as much grace, support, and self 00:09:32.620 --> 00:09:36.759 -awareness as I can? That single reframe has 00:09:36.759 --> 00:09:39.419 been one of the most liberating things I have 00:09:39.419 --> 00:09:42.759 come to in this whole season. And I want to be 00:09:42.759 --> 00:09:46.059 very clear. I'm still actively looking for things 00:09:46.059 --> 00:09:49.000 that support me. I have not given up on that. 00:09:49.480 --> 00:09:52.509 But I am being very selective now. I'm making 00:09:52.509 --> 00:09:55.710 sure that what I try feels aligned, that it's 00:09:55.710 --> 00:09:59.129 what my body is actually asking for, and that 00:09:59.129 --> 00:10:01.350 I'm not feeling victim to the idea that there's 00:10:01.350 --> 00:10:04.149 a fix -all solution out there, or that I'm going 00:10:04.149 --> 00:10:07.009 to heal myself out of experiencing perimenopause 00:10:07.009 --> 00:10:09.889 or menopause entirely. That's not the goal anymore. 00:10:10.529 --> 00:10:14.009 The goal is to move through this passage as supported, 00:10:14.429 --> 00:10:17.549 as aware, and as lovingly as I possibly can. 00:10:18.370 --> 00:10:20.509 Because here's the other side of the mirror. 00:10:20.919 --> 00:10:24.360 Here's what's also coming back and what's arriving 00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:27.659 brand new. My inner world is opening in a way 00:10:27.659 --> 00:10:31.919 I did not expect. I feel more creative than I 00:10:31.919 --> 00:10:35.779 have in years. Ideas come faster. My intuition 00:10:35.779 --> 00:10:38.940 feels sharper and more trustworthy and more present. 00:10:39.639 --> 00:10:42.820 I have a deep resonance and connection with something 00:10:42.820 --> 00:10:46.080 bigger than myself with what I might call the 00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:49.610 all or the collective. that I genuinely did not 00:10:49.610 --> 00:10:53.809 have in my 30s. It arrived quietly and it has 00:10:53.809 --> 00:10:56.269 stayed and it continues to deepen and become 00:10:56.269 --> 00:11:01.389 more rich steadily as time passes. I care so 00:11:01.389 --> 00:11:05.090 much less what people think of me. And I say 00:11:05.090 --> 00:11:08.330 that not as a small thing. For someone who spent 00:11:08.330 --> 00:11:12.389 decades people pleasing, who was raised as most 00:11:12.389 --> 00:11:14.830 of our generation was to make herself smaller 00:11:14.830 --> 00:11:18.279 and more palatable and more agreeable, Carrying 00:11:18.279 --> 00:11:21.779 less is an enormous freedom. I'm stepping to 00:11:21.779 --> 00:11:24.740 the beat of my own drum more loudly and more 00:11:24.740 --> 00:11:27.860 often than I ever have. I no longer feel the 00:11:27.860 --> 00:11:31.960 need to explain my no's. No is actually a complete 00:11:31.960 --> 00:11:35.720 sentence. I have boundaries that feel very solid 00:11:35.720 --> 00:11:40.519 and real and mine. I feel alive with possibility 00:11:40.519 --> 00:11:44.740 in a way that is almost electric. Even when my 00:11:44.740 --> 00:11:47.419 body doesn't feel capable of supporting it all, 00:11:48.039 --> 00:11:51.840 even when I'm exhausted and achy and foggy brained, 00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:55.519 underneath all of that, there is something very 00:11:55.519 --> 00:11:59.279 awakened me that wasn't there before. In many 00:11:59.279 --> 00:12:02.879 traditions, traditions much older and wiser than 00:12:02.879 --> 00:12:05.759 the culture I was raised in here in the United 00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:09.460 States, and that of many Westernized cultures, 00:12:10.259 --> 00:12:13.080 this phase of a woman's life is not dreaded. 00:12:13.289 --> 00:12:17.289 It's revered, this arc of a woman's life through 00:12:17.289 --> 00:12:21.230 maiden, mother, and crone. And the crone is not 00:12:21.230 --> 00:12:24.330 the diminished woman. She's not the woman who's 00:12:24.330 --> 00:12:28.409 past her prime. She is the seer, the guide, the 00:12:28.409 --> 00:12:31.570 elder, the woman who has stopped performing for 00:12:31.570 --> 00:12:34.269 the world and started living from her own knowing, 00:12:34.909 --> 00:12:38.110 the woman who trusts her knows and her yeses. 00:12:38.649 --> 00:12:41.529 There's actually a theory and I find it one of 00:12:41.529 --> 00:12:43.950 the most beautiful ideas in all of human evolution, 00:12:44.809 --> 00:12:47.309 that we developed grandmothers for a reason. 00:12:47.690 --> 00:12:50.909 The women were designed to live well beyond their 00:12:50.909 --> 00:12:54.169 reproductive years precisely because the wisdom 00:12:54.169 --> 00:12:58.389 they carry is essential. Not just useful, but 00:12:58.389 --> 00:13:01.830 essential. The grandmother is the keeper of knowledge, 00:13:02.590 --> 00:13:05.629 the one who has crossed the threshold and come 00:13:05.629 --> 00:13:08.570 back with something the younger women need. Her 00:13:08.570 --> 00:13:11.710 value was never in her fertility. It was in her 00:13:11.710 --> 00:13:15.210 knowing. And that knowing only deepens with time. 00:13:15.669 --> 00:13:19.809 That is who is being forged in all of this. You're 00:13:19.809 --> 00:13:23.330 not losing yourself. You're being renovated and 00:13:23.330 --> 00:13:27.409 reinforced and rebuilt from the inside out. She 00:13:27.409 --> 00:13:31.309 is not being taken from you. She is being reborn. 00:13:32.009 --> 00:13:34.990 I want to spend a moment here on something that 00:13:34.990 --> 00:13:37.870 I'm genuinely grappling with because I think 00:13:37.870 --> 00:13:40.450 a lot of us are and we're not saying it out loud. 00:13:41.110 --> 00:13:45.009 My body has changed and the vision I had of what 00:13:45.009 --> 00:13:48.250 her body was going to look like, that future 00:13:48.250 --> 00:13:51.450 self I've been visualizing, the woman I'm becoming, 00:13:52.070 --> 00:13:55.049 I'm realizing that vision may need to adjust 00:13:55.049 --> 00:13:58.490 too. And here's the thing, our bodies change 00:13:58.490 --> 00:14:01.370 so dramatically in every single decade of our 00:14:01.370 --> 00:14:04.769 lives. From zero to ten we arrive in this world 00:14:04.769 --> 00:14:08.500 entirely new dependent, discovering, just beginning 00:14:08.500 --> 00:14:12.039 to understand what this body can do. By the end 00:14:12.039 --> 00:14:14.759 of that decade, we are walking and talking and 00:14:14.759 --> 00:14:17.840 thinking and feeling and navigating an entire 00:14:17.840 --> 00:14:21.080 world. The transformation in that decade alone 00:14:21.080 --> 00:14:25.080 is extraordinary. From 10 to 20, puberty arrives 00:14:25.080 --> 00:14:28.419 and everything changes. Our bodies reshape themselves. 00:14:28.679 --> 00:14:32.559 Our emotions intensify. We become someone new, 00:14:33.039 --> 00:14:35.850 sometimes faster than we can keep up with. It's 00:14:35.850 --> 00:14:38.970 disorienting and beautiful and confusing and 00:14:38.970 --> 00:14:42.690 really enormous at the time. From 20 to 30, most 00:14:42.690 --> 00:14:44.809 of us begin to settle into ourselves a little. 00:14:45.389 --> 00:14:48.570 We start to feel at home. We figure out how to 00:14:48.570 --> 00:14:51.250 dress this body, how to move it and feed it. 00:14:51.610 --> 00:14:54.389 There's an energy in that decade that feels almost 00:14:54.389 --> 00:14:57.970 limitless. From 30 to 40, I'll be honest with 00:14:57.970 --> 00:15:00.990 you, that was the decade I felt most beautiful. 00:15:01.710 --> 00:15:04.740 I felt strong and capable. like I had finally 00:15:04.740 --> 00:15:07.659 figured out who I was in my skin. And somewhere 00:15:07.659 --> 00:15:10.500 in the back of my mind, I think I assumed I would 00:15:10.500 --> 00:15:15.159 just stay there. I know, I laugh at myself about 00:15:15.159 --> 00:15:18.899 that too, but I think a lot of us quietly believe 00:15:18.899 --> 00:15:21.419 that once we arrive at a version of ourselves 00:15:21.419 --> 00:15:24.299 we love, we get to keep her. But here's what 00:15:24.299 --> 00:15:28.059 I want for myself and for you. I don't want my 00:15:28.059 --> 00:15:31.879 30s to have been my peak. I want to love myself 00:15:31.879 --> 00:15:34.960 in every decade. I want to find the beauty of 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:38.580 each phase even as my physicality changes, even 00:15:38.580 --> 00:15:41.919 as the rules change, even as the body I'm in 00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:45.279 becomes someone I'm still getting to know. So 00:15:45.279 --> 00:15:50.340 yes, from 40 to 50, the body changes again, dramatically 00:15:50.340 --> 00:15:53.919 in many cases, and I was genuinely shocked by 00:15:53.919 --> 00:15:57.039 it, even though I had watched my body transform 00:15:57.039 --> 00:15:59.720 through every single decade before this one. 00:16:00.139 --> 00:16:04.200 Of course it changed! Of course it has. Why would 00:16:04.200 --> 00:16:07.019 this decade be any different? So the question 00:16:07.019 --> 00:16:10.220 I'm sitting with, and I'm inviting you to sit 00:16:10.220 --> 00:16:15.080 with too, is not how do I get my body back? It's 00:16:15.080 --> 00:16:20.500 how do I love, dress, move, care for, and adorn 00:16:20.500 --> 00:16:25.120 this body now? The one that's here, the one that's 00:16:25.120 --> 00:16:28.320 doing the hard work of this transition, the one 00:16:28.320 --> 00:16:31.870 that despite everything, is still showing up 00:16:31.870 --> 00:16:35.129 for me every single day. Not the body I had when 00:16:35.129 --> 00:16:38.990 I was 32, but this one. And I think there's something 00:16:38.990 --> 00:16:42.529 deeply sacred about that question, because it 00:16:42.529 --> 00:16:45.970 asks us to stop waiting to love ourselves until 00:16:45.970 --> 00:16:50.289 we look or feel a certain way. It asks us to 00:16:50.289 --> 00:16:53.529 start here, to find what makes this body feel 00:16:53.529 --> 00:16:56.730 good right now, to dress her in a way that honors 00:16:56.730 --> 00:17:00.379 her. to move her in a way that works for her, 00:17:00.960 --> 00:17:04.259 to feed her in a way that lovingly supports her, 00:17:04.740 --> 00:17:08.700 to adorn her because she deserves it. Not when 00:17:08.700 --> 00:17:12.019 she gets back to where she was, but in each moment 00:17:12.019 --> 00:17:16.059 now until forever. Okay, I need to tell you about 00:17:16.059 --> 00:17:18.599 what happened just before my last cycle because 00:17:18.599 --> 00:17:20.779 I think this might be the most important thing 00:17:20.779 --> 00:17:24.079 in this entire episode for some of you. I had 00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:27.640 my first follicular phase in at least six months. 00:17:28.339 --> 00:17:30.319 The follicular phase, if you're not familiar, 00:17:30.519 --> 00:17:33.420 is the part of your cycle after your period ends 00:17:33.420 --> 00:17:37.220 and before ovulation. This is when estrogen upticks 00:17:37.220 --> 00:17:39.400 and you start to feel vibrant and beautiful. 00:17:40.099 --> 00:17:43.759 And this one lasted four days. Four glorious 00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:47.759 days. And in those four days, I felt incredible. 00:17:48.339 --> 00:17:50.759 I'm not exaggerating when I tell you I felt like 00:17:50.759 --> 00:17:54.849 a completely different person. So much energy, 00:17:55.309 --> 00:17:58.650 so much joy, so much clarity. I felt like I had 00:17:58.650 --> 00:18:01.670 cracked the code, like all the work I'd been 00:18:01.670 --> 00:18:04.349 doing had finally paid off and my body had healed 00:18:04.349 --> 00:18:08.809 and I was back. And then, fast forward to my 00:18:08.809 --> 00:18:12.369 next cycle, and as soon as my period ended, I 00:18:12.369 --> 00:18:14.769 jumped almost immediately into ovulation and 00:18:14.769 --> 00:18:17.529 then straight into my luteal phase, which, impairment 00:18:17.529 --> 00:18:20.910 of pause for me, now runs about two weeks, and 00:18:20.910 --> 00:18:24.160 everything went back to what I thought I'd just 00:18:24.160 --> 00:18:27.619 fixed. The cravings came back. The fatigue came 00:18:27.619 --> 00:18:30.900 back. The emotional weight came back. And I was 00:18:30.900 --> 00:18:35.099 at day 68 of clean eating. 68 days of doing the 00:18:35.099 --> 00:18:38.539 work. And I opened the gate. I talked about that 00:18:38.539 --> 00:18:40.819 in the last episode. If you haven't heard coming 00:18:40.819 --> 00:18:43.900 home, go back and listen. But what I want to 00:18:43.900 --> 00:18:47.539 add here, what I want to name specifically, is 00:18:47.539 --> 00:18:50.619 what that four -day window did to my expectations. 00:18:51.079 --> 00:18:54.160 It created a false sight. It made me believe 00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:56.619 that I was further along in the healing than 00:18:56.619 --> 00:18:59.720 I actually was. And when the luteal phase hit 00:18:59.720 --> 00:19:04.079 hard, the drop felt so much bigger because of 00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:07.880 how high I'd just been weeks before. This is 00:19:07.880 --> 00:19:11.640 the non -linear nature of healing, and perimenopause 00:19:11.640 --> 00:19:14.059 makes it more pronounced than almost anything 00:19:14.059 --> 00:19:17.180 else I've experienced. It's important to remember 00:19:17.180 --> 00:19:19.880 that progress is happening even when you can't 00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:22.900 see it. Your body is doing something even in 00:19:22.900 --> 00:19:26.380 the plateau, even in the hard weeks, even when 00:19:26.380 --> 00:19:28.779 you fall off track and have to come home again. 00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:32.180 The recalibration is happening underneath the 00:19:32.180 --> 00:19:36.039 surface quietly, almost the way roots grow underground 00:19:36.039 --> 00:19:39.519 before anything happens above it. And the impatience, 00:19:40.099 --> 00:19:42.799 I say this with so much love for both of us, 00:19:43.380 --> 00:19:46.119 the impatience is the thing that makes us abandon 00:19:46.119 --> 00:19:49.920 the process right before the turn. I think about 00:19:49.920 --> 00:19:52.619 the way I've learned to trust a nudge, the way 00:19:52.619 --> 00:19:55.759 I've learned to follow a pull, even when it doesn't 00:19:55.759 --> 00:19:59.420 make logical sense, even when I can't see where 00:19:59.420 --> 00:20:03.039 it's going. That practice of living in conscious 00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:05.140 communion with something bigger than myself, 00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:08.640 staying in that constant conversation, feeling 00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:11.180 into my life instead of just moving through it, 00:20:11.519 --> 00:20:14.940 that changed everything for me. What would happen 00:20:14.940 --> 00:20:19.230 if we brought that same trust to our bodies. 00:20:20.009 --> 00:20:23.170 Your body is not your enemy. It is not failing 00:20:23.170 --> 00:20:27.170 you. It is doing something you cannot fully see 00:20:27.170 --> 00:20:30.450 yet. And it has been doing that your entire life, 00:20:31.109 --> 00:20:35.309 building you, healing you, carrying you, re -birthing 00:20:35.309 --> 00:20:38.710 you, mostly without your conscious involvement 00:20:38.710 --> 00:20:42.150 at all. What would it mean to trust your body 00:20:42.150 --> 00:20:45.029 the way you've learned to trust an edge? Now, 00:20:45.029 --> 00:20:47.269 before I get into the practical support piece, 00:20:47.529 --> 00:20:50.670 I want to say something about community, because 00:20:50.670 --> 00:20:52.910 I think it might be the most underrated part 00:20:52.910 --> 00:20:56.029 of this whole transition. Until very recently 00:20:56.029 --> 00:20:58.869 in human history, and still in many cultures 00:20:58.869 --> 00:21:01.710 around the world, women moved through this transition 00:21:01.710 --> 00:21:05.930 together, in community with one another, surrounded 00:21:05.930 --> 00:21:08.250 by women who had already crossed this threshold, 00:21:09.089 --> 00:21:11.910 women who were crossing it alongside them, women 00:21:11.910 --> 00:21:14.269 who were approaching it and watching and learning. 00:21:14.680 --> 00:21:17.680 there was a transmission of wisdom that happened 00:21:17.680 --> 00:21:21.960 naturally, generationally, in relationship. It's 00:21:21.960 --> 00:21:25.180 only in modern times, in the kind of isolated, 00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:27.779 individualized lives that so many of us are living 00:21:27.779 --> 00:21:31.359 now, and on the heels of a few modern generations 00:21:31.359 --> 00:21:33.880 that were taught never to speak of this inevitable 00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:36.759 change, that we've found ourselves navigating 00:21:36.759 --> 00:21:40.819 this passage alone. Behind closed doors, quietly, 00:21:41.289 --> 00:21:44.049 wondering if what we're experiencing is even 00:21:44.049 --> 00:21:48.390 normal, wondering if anyone else feels this way. 00:21:48.849 --> 00:21:53.390 And that isolation gap is exactly the space that 00:21:53.390 --> 00:21:57.130 an entire industry moved into and said, we have 00:21:57.130 --> 00:22:00.930 what you need, buy this, take this, fix this, 00:22:01.289 --> 00:22:04.349 when what we're primarily hungry for is connection 00:22:04.349 --> 00:22:08.990 with each other. So please talk about this. Find 00:22:08.990 --> 00:22:11.930 the women in your life who are in it with you 00:22:11.930 --> 00:22:16.369 and talk about it out loud, without shame, without 00:22:16.369 --> 00:22:19.470 performance or having it together. You will be 00:22:19.470 --> 00:22:22.250 amazed at how many of us are quietly navigating 00:22:22.250 --> 00:22:25.670 the same terrain and feeling completely alone 00:22:25.670 --> 00:22:30.069 in it. Community is not a luxury in perimenopause. 00:22:30.309 --> 00:22:34.410 It's medicine. Okay, let's talk about the practical 00:22:34.410 --> 00:22:36.910 support because you do not have to do this alone 00:22:36.910 --> 00:22:40.450 and you were never meant to. First, Find a practitioner 00:22:40.450 --> 00:22:43.390 who will actually partner with you in this. Someone 00:22:43.390 --> 00:22:45.569 who looks at your whole picture, someone who 00:22:45.569 --> 00:22:47.829 believes that healing is possible for the systems 00:22:47.829 --> 00:22:49.869 that support the most comfortable journey towards 00:22:49.869 --> 00:22:52.589 menopause. Not just someone who monitors your 00:22:52.589 --> 00:22:55.089 numbers and sends you home, but someone who's 00:22:55.089 --> 00:22:58.250 willing to dig into nutrition, into gut health, 00:22:58.490 --> 00:23:01.369 hormones, your nervous system, the full picture 00:23:01.369 --> 00:23:04.809 of what your body is moving through. That person 00:23:04.809 --> 00:23:08.400 exists. Keep looking until you find them. And 00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:10.740 when you've walked alongside them as far as they 00:23:10.740 --> 00:23:15.079 can go, change them. You are allowed to outgrow 00:23:15.079 --> 00:23:18.579 a practitioner. You're allowed to need more. 00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:21.160 On the supplement front, I want to name some 00:23:21.160 --> 00:23:23.140 areas worth exploring with your practitioner 00:23:23.140 --> 00:23:26.240 because this is genuinely not a one -size -fits 00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:30.200 -all and I'm not a doctor. But these are the 00:23:30.200 --> 00:23:32.460 categories that have come up again and again 00:23:32.460 --> 00:23:36.259 in my own research and experience. Magnesium. 00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:39.259 Most of us are deficient and it touches everything 00:23:39.259 --> 00:23:43.160 from sleep to mood to muscle function to migraines. 00:23:43.259 --> 00:23:46.039 Adaptogens like ashwagandha for nervous system 00:23:46.039 --> 00:23:49.980 support and stress response. Omega -3s for inflammation 00:23:49.980 --> 00:23:53.359 and perimenopause is an inflammatory process 00:23:53.359 --> 00:23:57.000 in many ways. Hormone support. Whether that's 00:23:57.000 --> 00:23:59.460 something like progesterone cream or seed cycling 00:23:59.460 --> 00:24:02.240 or some other approach, it's worth exploring 00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:05.730 what your body actually needs. Gut health and 00:24:05.730 --> 00:24:08.529 leaky gut support because your gut health and 00:24:08.529 --> 00:24:11.289 your hormone health are far more connected than 00:24:11.289 --> 00:24:14.569 most of us realize and mental health support 00:24:14.569 --> 00:24:17.910 Therapy community honest conversation with women 00:24:17.910 --> 00:24:20.930 who get it. I want to be transparent here I'm 00:24:20.930 --> 00:24:23.269 still actively adding things that feel supportive 00:24:23.269 --> 00:24:27.210 to me, but I am being very selective and I'm 00:24:27.210 --> 00:24:30.410 making sure that what I try feels aligned and 00:24:30.410 --> 00:24:33.599 that my body is actually asking for it I'm not 00:24:33.599 --> 00:24:37.339 chasing any fix -all solutions. And I'm not trying 00:24:37.339 --> 00:24:40.660 to heal myself out of perimenopause. I am trying 00:24:40.660 --> 00:24:43.279 to support myself through it. There's a difference 00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:46.500 and it really matters. I want to say this clearly 00:24:46.500 --> 00:24:50.079 and without shame. If medication is part of your 00:24:50.079 --> 00:24:53.019 support, whether that's physical or mental, that 00:24:53.019 --> 00:24:57.380 is not a failure. That's not weakness. That is 00:24:57.380 --> 00:25:00.259 you using every tool available to you to get 00:25:00.259 --> 00:25:04.000 through a genuinely hard transition. For me personally, 00:25:04.339 --> 00:25:06.599 the migraines that came back in perimenopause 00:25:06.599 --> 00:25:09.859 were so severe that I was taking a leave like 00:25:09.859 --> 00:25:12.680 candy just to function. I'm actually currently 00:25:12.680 --> 00:25:15.779 managing my migraines with Botox while I continue 00:25:15.779 --> 00:25:18.099 looking for something more natural that works 00:25:18.099 --> 00:25:21.779 long term. That's a tool. It's not a forever 00:25:21.779 --> 00:25:24.579 answer for me and it's not me giving up on finding 00:25:24.579 --> 00:25:28.460 something better. It is me choosing not to suffer 00:25:28.460 --> 00:25:31.200 while I keep looking. Whether your medication 00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:35.180 is HRT, support for mood and anxiety, migraine 00:25:35.180 --> 00:25:38.160 treatment, or something else entirely, normalize 00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:42.339 it. Take it if it helps. But at the same time, 00:25:42.700 --> 00:25:45.420 don't write it as a band -aid. Don't let it become 00:25:45.420 --> 00:25:48.799 a reason to stop doing the lifestyle work. Use 00:25:48.799 --> 00:25:52.619 it as a bridge. Use it as the support. that gives 00:25:52.619 --> 00:25:55.019 you enough stability to show up for the other 00:25:55.019 --> 00:25:58.559 things. Medication and lifestyle are not either 00:25:58.559 --> 00:26:01.880 or. They work best together. Let's bring this 00:26:01.880 --> 00:26:05.859 back to the four pillars. Movement, sleep, hydration, 00:26:06.339 --> 00:26:09.039 and nourishing your body, mind, and spirit. Because 00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:11.619 I think perimenopause asks us to look at each 00:26:11.619 --> 00:26:15.119 of these with completely fresh eyes. Movement. 00:26:15.740 --> 00:26:18.170 I'm learning this one in real time. So I'm going 00:26:18.170 --> 00:26:20.869 to share where I am right now rather than where 00:26:20.869 --> 00:26:23.410 I think I should be. What I've come to understand 00:26:23.410 --> 00:26:26.190 is that my body needs low cortisol spike movement 00:26:26.190 --> 00:26:29.549 right now. High intensity workouts, the kind 00:26:29.549 --> 00:26:31.470 that feel like you're really doing something, 00:26:31.690 --> 00:26:34.769 like you're earning it, can actually spike cortisol 00:26:34.769 --> 00:26:37.470 in a way that works against you in perimenopause. 00:26:37.670 --> 00:26:41.029 And I ran into that again and again. Your adrenal 00:26:41.029 --> 00:26:44.329 system is already working over time. You don't 00:26:44.329 --> 00:26:47.079 necessarily need to add to that load. For me 00:26:47.079 --> 00:26:50.400 right now, that looks like walking. It looks 00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:52.359 like lifting weights a couple of times a week 00:26:52.359 --> 00:26:55.759 on my own terms at my own pace. And I'm about 00:26:55.759 --> 00:26:58.180 to try beginner mat Pilates and see how that 00:26:58.180 --> 00:27:01.180 feels. I'm trying to remain curious about what 00:27:01.180 --> 00:27:04.460 works for my body on a weekly basis and adjust 00:27:04.460 --> 00:27:08.039 accordingly. My energy fluctuates so dramatically 00:27:08.039 --> 00:27:10.140 right now that I've found that to be the best 00:27:10.140 --> 00:27:13.359 approach. I just keep recalibrating, doing what 00:27:13.359 --> 00:27:17.200 I can do, meeting myself where I am, Occasionally, 00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:20.319 that means more rest and getting moving again 00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:23.759 as soon as I can. My invitation to you is this. 00:27:24.279 --> 00:27:27.359 Be willing to try something. Stay consistent 00:27:27.359 --> 00:27:30.140 with it unless it is genuinely beyond what your 00:27:30.140 --> 00:27:32.940 body can hold right now. And if it is beyond 00:27:32.940 --> 00:27:36.380 you, that's information, not failure. Try something 00:27:36.380 --> 00:27:40.660 else. Trial and error is not failure. It's how 00:27:40.660 --> 00:27:43.519 you find what actually works for this body in 00:27:43.519 --> 00:27:48.019 this season. Sleep. This one is a non -negotiable. 00:27:48.660 --> 00:27:51.180 Perimenopause attacks sleep, pain and simple, 00:27:52.019 --> 00:27:54.380 through night sweats, through racing thoughts, 00:27:54.680 --> 00:27:56.839 through hormonal shifts that pull you out of 00:27:56.839 --> 00:28:00.299 deep rest. And then poor sleep makes every other 00:28:00.299 --> 00:28:04.279 symptom worse. Protect your sleep fiercely. Make 00:28:04.279 --> 00:28:06.859 it a priority the way you make eating a priority. 00:28:07.539 --> 00:28:09.380 And if you don't make eating a priority, then 00:28:09.380 --> 00:28:12.420 make this more of a priority. This could mean 00:28:12.420 --> 00:28:14.859 starting a bedtime routine that removes screens 00:28:14.859 --> 00:28:17.920 a couple of hours before you head to bed. It 00:28:17.920 --> 00:28:20.500 may mean limiting caffeine, especially at or 00:28:20.500 --> 00:28:24.319 after lunchtime. Be open. Be willing to experiment. 00:28:25.059 --> 00:28:27.519 Your nervous system, your hormones, your mood, 00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:30.720 your cravings, all of it is downstream of how 00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:35.200 you slept. Hydration. More essential than ever. 00:28:35.720 --> 00:28:39.420 More overlooked than ever. Quality filtered water 00:28:39.420 --> 00:28:42.220 matters. I know groceries are expensive, and 00:28:42.220 --> 00:28:44.660 I know doing everything perfectly is not always 00:28:44.660 --> 00:28:47.200 possible, and that's okay. So just do the best 00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:49.759 you can with what you have. Even small upgrades 00:28:49.759 --> 00:28:52.940 matter. A filter on your tap, an extra glass 00:28:52.940 --> 00:28:55.940 before you reach for your coffee. It all compounds. 00:28:56.819 --> 00:28:59.180 Finally, nourishing your body, mind, and spirit. 00:28:59.900 --> 00:29:02.539 Whole organic foods as much as your budget allows. 00:29:03.380 --> 00:29:05.240 Anti -inflammatory eating is your friend right 00:29:05.240 --> 00:29:09.019 now. Not the perfect diet, but your friend. And 00:29:09.019 --> 00:29:11.809 cycle tracking. as a tool for understanding yourself. 00:29:12.329 --> 00:29:15.029 I've talked about the book Period Power by Maisie 00:29:15.029 --> 00:29:18.710 Hill, and I cannot recommend it enough. She also 00:29:18.710 --> 00:29:21.029 has a book called Perimenopause Power, and I 00:29:21.029 --> 00:29:23.069 draw from the wisdom of both of these at this 00:29:23.069 --> 00:29:25.630 phase of my life. Understanding where you are 00:29:25.630 --> 00:29:28.329 in your cycle, what your body needs in each phase, 00:29:28.970 --> 00:29:31.049 treating that knowledge as the superpower it 00:29:31.049 --> 00:29:33.910 actually is, that changes the way you relate 00:29:33.910 --> 00:29:38.039 to yourself and your spirit. Your spiritual practice 00:29:38.039 --> 00:29:41.339 is not a luxury in perimenopause. This is your 00:29:41.339 --> 00:29:44.119 anchor. When your hormones are unpredictable 00:29:44.119 --> 00:29:46.980 and your body feels unfamiliar and the ground 00:29:46.980 --> 00:29:50.200 keeps shifting, coming home to something steady 00:29:50.200 --> 00:29:53.480 and bigger than yourself is not optional. It 00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:57.059 is the thing that holds you. Prayer, meditation, 00:29:57.220 --> 00:30:00.339 time in nature, devotion, whatever that looks 00:30:00.339 --> 00:30:03.839 like for you. Come back to it, especially on 00:30:03.839 --> 00:30:07.119 the hard days, especially then. I want to leave 00:30:07.119 --> 00:30:10.579 you with this. Your body has been changing your 00:30:10.579 --> 00:30:13.900 entire life. Every decade has asked something 00:30:13.900 --> 00:30:17.019 different of you. Every transition has required 00:30:17.019 --> 00:30:20.539 a new map. And you have navigated every single 00:30:20.539 --> 00:30:23.599 one of them. Maybe not perfectly or without struggle, 00:30:24.039 --> 00:30:27.119 but you have come through. This one will be no 00:30:27.119 --> 00:30:30.299 different. Except that this one comes with something 00:30:30.299 --> 00:30:33.359 the others didn't. This one comes with the beginning 00:30:33.359 --> 00:30:37.170 of the crone. The seer. The woman who has stopped 00:30:37.170 --> 00:30:40.130 asking for permission. The woman who trusts her 00:30:40.130 --> 00:30:43.089 no's and her yes's. The woman whose inner world 00:30:43.089 --> 00:30:45.950 is rich and deep and alive in ways it has never 00:30:45.950 --> 00:30:49.750 been before. The woman who is finally, finally 00:30:49.750 --> 00:30:52.809 stepping into the full weight of who she's always 00:30:52.809 --> 00:30:56.289 been becoming. A dear friend told me something 00:30:56.289 --> 00:30:59.109 her culture has known for a long time. The way 00:30:59.109 --> 00:31:02.329 you come in is the way you go out. And I want 00:31:02.329 --> 00:31:05.750 you to hold that close. Not as a warning, but 00:31:05.750 --> 00:31:09.569 as a promise. You have been here before in a 00:31:09.569 --> 00:31:12.950 different form, in a younger body, at the beginning 00:31:12.950 --> 00:31:15.150 of becoming rather than the deepening of it. 00:31:15.630 --> 00:31:18.670 But you have been here and you found your way 00:31:18.670 --> 00:31:21.730 through then. You will find your way through 00:31:21.730 --> 00:31:26.230 now. You're not broken. You're not behind. You're 00:31:26.230 --> 00:31:29.029 not failing the healing journey because it isn't 00:31:29.029 --> 00:31:32.549 moving in a straight line. You are in the passage. 00:31:32.970 --> 00:31:36.150 the passage is doing exactly what it's supposed 00:31:36.150 --> 00:31:40.269 to do. She's not broken. She's doing what she's 00:31:40.269 --> 00:31:43.730 supposed to do. Until next time, be her now.