I want to tell you about last week's date night.
My wife and I went to the botanical gardens.
There's this whimsical art installation. It's
colorful and around trees, which I love. Of course,
the gardens are beautiful right now. We made
the effort to look nice for each other. We were
laughing, reconnecting after what's been a really
busy stretch. It was the first purely joyful,
very intentional thing we'd done together in
quite a while that we hadn't tried to fit in
between a bunch of other things happening. I
really didn't want it to end. So I suggested
we keep going. There was a cocktail lounge that
our friends had been raving about and right next
door is one of our favorite restaurants. It's
Spanish tapas and they usually have live music.
So we went. I had the espresso martini and then
we stayed for dinner. Here's the thing. In any
other context, One indulgent evening after 68
days of clean eating would have been just that.
One evening, no big deal. But I'm an abstainer.
And once I opened that gate, it didn't close
very easily. That was six days ago. And I'm recording
this today because I'm done letting my future
self hold the responsibility that belongs to
my present self. I'm coming home. and I thought
maybe you needed to hear this today too. Hi,
I'm Kara. I believe every woman carries a vision
of who she longs to become, and that's no accident.
Grab your favorite beverage and settle into a
cozy spot because this is that kind of conversation.
That quiet knowing you're meant for more? It's
not wishful thinking, but a calling on your heart.
And every soul calling deserves an answer. Not
someday, today. Right now. Together, we'll explore
what it really means to be her now. The healing,
the worthiness, the work, the becoming. Because
none of us were meant to figure this out on our
own. Whatever brought you here today, trust it.
You belong here. Today we're talking about the
gap. Well, actually two gaps, because I think
they're connected in a way that we don't talk
about enough. The first gap is the one I mentioned
before, the space between knowing and doing.
Most of us aren't stuck because we lack information.
We know what to eat. We know we should move our
bodies. We know what a good morning looks like.
The gap isn't knowledge. It's the distance between
knowing and actually living it. I want to say
this right up front because this episode isn't
just about food or health. This applies to all
of it. The savings account you keep meaning to
build, the business idea that lives in your notes
app, the procrastination habit you've been meaning
to leave behind, the creative practice, the relationship
investment, the morning routine. Whatever your
thing is, The way we respond to getting off track
tends to look remarkably similar across all of
it. So I'm going to tell you my story today,
and I'm going to ask you to see yourself in it
wherever you can, because I think we're going
to find a lot of common ground. The second gap
is the one I think sits underneath the first.
That's the gap between the present moment and
the life we're actually living. When we're disconnected
from the present, When we are moving mindlessly
through our days, not really here, not really
paying attention, it becomes incredibly easy
to hand our happiness, our health, our becoming
over to our future self. To say, she'll handle
it. She'll start Monday. She'll get back on track
after the holidays, after the busy season, after
the thing is done. But your future self is just
your present self with more time past. She doesn't
have superpowers. She has the same life, the
same cravings, the same hormones, the same relationship,
the same everything. Just with a little more
evidence that waiting doesn't work. That's what
this episode is about. Coming back to her. Coming
home. Let me tell you exactly what happens for
me because I think if I'm specific enough, you
might actually recognize yourself in it. It always
starts with a meal. Not a binge, not a dramatic
decision to quit, just one meal that's off plan.
And that meal by itself isn't the problem. The
problem is what it opens. For me, the night at
the Botanical Gardens was genuinely wonderful.
My wife and I have historically built a lot of
our connection around going out. We're both foodies,
live music lovers, people who light up over a
new experience together. And I need you to understand
something about us. We're all in with each other
and we've learned to temper this when it comes
to supporting each other's healthy habits, but
sometimes we just can't help ourselves. We love
enjoying life together and that night we were
present and joyful and connected in a way we
hadn't been in a while. The botanical gardens
were perfect. We looked nice for each other.
We were laughing. I didn't want it to end. And
so I made the suggestion that felt completely
reasonable in the moment. Let's keep it going.
The cocktail lounge, enjoying a martini, and
then right next door because of course Spanish
tapas is one of our favorite things. They had
live music playing. It was a really great evening.
Now here's what I need you to understand about
me personally as an abstainer. And I only really
understood what this meant when I started watching
my wife and how she interacts with food as a
moderator. Completely differently than I ever
have. She can have half a cookie, decide it's
too rich, and leave the other half literally
sitting on the counter. It's actually happened.
I've watched her do this with my own two eyes
and it still boggles my mind. Because I will
eat my cookie and then I will find her other
half and eat that too. That's a genuinely true
story, and it's happened a few times in our relationship.
I've never once in my life left half a cookie
on the counter. Neither did any one of my family.
So when I witnessed this miraculous thing happening
in my own kitchen, I had to understand it. That's
when I learned the difference between abstainers
and moderators, because my wife was living proof
that some other way existed. Moderators can have
one bite and move on. Abstainers do way better
with clear lines. Neither is better or worse.
They're just different. And knowing which one
you are is one of the most useful things you
can learn about yourself. For me, once the gate
opens, it takes real effort to close it. And
that night, present, happy, connected, not wanting
the evening to end, I handed the consequences
to my future self. She'll handle it. Tonight
is just for us. January had actually been a really
strong month. Real, visible results that felt
encouraging. February is where things slowed
down, which logically makes perfect sense because
big results in one month are often followed by
some kind of plateau. The body recalibrating,
shifting, doing the quiet internal work that
doesn't always show up in the mirror right away.
I know that. But knowing it and feeling it are
two very different things. And by day 68, I was
feeling it. And the connection with my wife that
we'd always nourished over a beautiful meal out,
well, we were both feeling the absence of that.
So on day 69, I opened the gate. And then, I
want to give myself some grace here, I had stopped
my medication about three days before this happened.
My doctor had me on a temporary support for several
weeks to help manage cravings while I built momentum.
It was always meant to be temporary. The timing
could have been better because I stopped it right
as I entered my luteal phase. In perimenopause,
my luteal phase runs about two weeks. Cravings
through the roof, emotional, tired, no willpower,
and now no pharmaceutical buffer. One meal became
six days. Now. In the past, six days would have
become six weeks. Six weeks would have become
three months. And I'd be starting completely
over, carrying the weight of everything I believed
I'd undone, full of shame. This time was different,
but I want to be honest about what those six
days looked like before I tell you how I'm coming
back, because I'm not on the other side of this
yet. I'm very much in it. and I'm recording this
today as part of my coming home. Here's what
nobody talks about when they talk about falling
off track. It's not just the food or the missed
workouts or the habit that you skipped. It's
the story that runs underneath it. Mine sounds
something like this. Day one. It was one night.
It was worth it. Back on track tomorrow. Day
two. Well, yesterday wasn't perfect, so today
doesn't really count either. Fresh start on Monday.
Day three. I have so much going on right now.
This is not the best time to be restrictive.
I'll get back to it when things calm down. Day
four. I've already undone so much. What's the
point? And there it is. That last one. That's
the one that does the real damage. not the food,
not the missed walk, the story that says you've
already blown it, so why bother? That story is
a lie, but it's a very convincing one. And here's
something I want to add, because it's been one
of the more significant things I've noticed this
time around. The morning after that first night,
I stopped everything. Morning routine, gone.
Yoga, gone. Movement gone. I stayed up late again.
All of it just totally fell away. One habit went
and I watched the others immediately follow.
But here's what's different now. I watched myself
do it with a kind of gentle awareness that I
haven't always had. And instead of letting it
become the avalanche it used to be, I very quietly
started recalibrating. I got myself back to my
morning routine. I got myself in bed the next
evening even though I wasn't sleepy just yet.
Just slowing things back toward where I wanted
them to be. Now that is huge growth for me. Evidence
that all the practice I put into releasing all
or nothing thinking is actually working. Just
because one habit is out of alignment doesn't
mean we throw the whole thing out. We do not
have to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
And I also know this. There will be another plateau,
another hard week, another gate that opens. I'm
human, and I no longer expect myself to be perfect.
But I do want to be better. And getting myself
back now isn't just about this moment. It's building
the muscle for the next time this happens. Every
return strengthens the pattern. Every coming
home makes the next one a little faster, a little
less dramatic. Because here's what's actually
true. The body doesn't work on a pass -fail system.
Every single good choice you make is doing something.
Every glass of water, every walk, every meal
on plan, they all compound, they accumulate,
and every meal off plan doesn't erase everything.
It just temporarily shifts the current. Momentum
works in both directions. It's just as easy to
build it back, as it was to lose it. Maybe even
easier because now you know the way home. The
story that says you've blown it is your nervous
system trying to protect you from the discomfort
of starting again. It's not the truth. It's just
fear, wearing the costume of something that looks
like logic. And the antidote to that story is
not willpower. It's presence, coming back to
right now, this meal, this choice. This moment.
Not Monday. Now, I want to stay here for a minute
longer because I think this is the thing so many
of us carry quietly and never quite name. Underneath
the story, underneath what's the point, and I've
already blown it, there's usually something quieter
and more tender. Something that sounds like,
do I actually deserve to feel good? And again,
I'm not just talking about food. I'm talking
about the savings account, the business, the
creative practice, the habit you keep starting
and stopping. Underneath so much of it, if we
get really honest, is this whisper, am I worthy
of the life I'm trying to build? Not in a dramatic
way, not in a conscious belief, more like a hesitation.
a reaching for the thing that feels like comfort
because somewhere, some part of us isn't sure
we're allowed to have the thing that's actually
good for us. I've spent 25 years coaching women
and I can tell you this is almost always underneath
it. The gap between knowing and doing is rarely
about information. It's almost always about worthiness.
Do I deserve to feel at home in my body? Do I
deserve the version of my life where I feel well
and alive and like myself? The answer is yes.
Absolutely, without condition, yes. Not when
you've been perfect for 70 days, not when you've
lost the weight or healed the thyroid or gotten
the degree or built the business or paid the
debt off. Now, as you are in the middle of the
mess of a weak where you took your finals and
started your period and fell off plan and still
somehow got yourself out for a walk. You deserve
to feel good, and coming back isn't punishment.
It's love. It's the most loving thing you can
do for yourself, not because you failed, but
because you matter. Okay, let's talk about coming
back, because I want to give you something practical.
something you can actually use the next time
you find yourself six days in and wondering how
you got there. I use what I call my four pillars,
movement, sleep, hydration, and nourishing my
body, mind, and spirit. And I want to be clear,
these aren't just standard to perform against.
They're a compass. They're a way I know I'm home
in myself. When I'm living in my four pillars
consistently, everything else gets easier. My
mood is steadier. My cravings are quieter. My
mind is clearer. My body feels like mine. When
I'm not, when even one of them shifts, I can
feel the current change. And that shift is information.
It's not failure. It used to be a dramatic overhaul,
a punishment, a new protocol, a fresh start that
felt more like a verdict. Now it starts with
noticing. and gently replacing one pillar at
a time with what feels good. Yesterday evening,
I walked, and I'll do it again this morning.
That's movement. I've already completed my morning
routine today, and this afternoon I'm going to
prep some meals so I have them ready. That's
nourishing my body, mind, and spirit. I'm going
to drink my water today, and I'm going to be
in bed at a reasonable hour. One good day builds
momentum for the next. One good night of sleep,
one yoga session, one devotion read. The affirmation
or prayer said aloud, not because I'm a different
person on day two, but because I have evidence.
I did it yesterday and I can do it again today.
The gap closes one pillar at a time. One meal,
one walk, one glass of water. You don't have
to climb the whole mountain today. You just have
to take one step in the right direction and let
that be enough. Not Monday, now, in this very
moment, I want to come back to something I said
at the beginning about handing our happiness
to our future self. This is something I think
about a lot in the context of To Be Her Now,
because the whole premise of this show is that
she, the woman you're becoming, isn't somewhere
out there in the future waiting for you to arrive.
She's here. She's available right now in this
moment, in this choice. Every time we defer to
future self, she'll start Monday, she'll handle
it, she'll get back on track. We're actually
moving away from her. We're widening that gap.
And every time we come back to the present moment,
this meal, this walk, this glass of water, This
choice. We're embodying her. We're being her
now. That's not a small thing. That's the whole
thing. Presence is the practice. Coming back
again and again and again without shame, without
drama, without a three -day morning period for
the week you lost. That's what it actually looks
like to become her. Not a perfect streak, a consistent
compounding pattern of returning. Here's what
I want you to take with you today. If you've
been in a gap this week, if you've opened a gate,
you're not sure how to close. If you've handed
something to your future self that belongs to
your present self, I want you to know you're
not behind. You're not broken. You haven't undone
everything. You're just human. And humans step
off the path sometimes. The ones who become her
aren't the ones who never step off. They're the
ones who know how to come home when they do.
So here's your one step, just one. Pick one pillar,
movement, sleep, hydration, nourishment, and
do one thing today. Not everything, one thing.
And let that be the first breadcrumb on the way
back. Because your future self doesn't need you
to be perfect. She needs you to start. or to
gently keep going. She needs you to do this now.
Because now is the only thing we actually have
control over. Not the past, not the future. Just
now. I'll be back soon with more. Until then,
be her now. Not someday. Today.