Hi, I'm Kara Sutterfield and this is my podcast.
After over 20 years of leading one -on -one and
group coaching in professional settings, I developed
a passion for helping other women uncover who
they long to become and how to live into that
vision of self today. Let's deep dive into this
profound exploration together. Discover how best
to embody the highest version of ourselves and
take action in this present moment to be her
now. Hello and welcome back to To Be Her Now.
I am your hostess Kara and today I want to have
a conversation about authenticity and to also
look at how being your authentic self feeds into
your purpose in your life. I think a great place
to start is to define authentic. Authentic is
not false or imitation. It is real and actual.
It is worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming
to or based on fact. And most importantly, and
really the perspective from which I'll be speaking
today is true to one's own personality, spirit,
or character. So why even have a conversation
about authenticity? I am 43 years old and I feel
like I am finally just beginning to step into
my authenticity. I have had glimpses of it over
my life to be sure, but I have often doubted
or muted or buried parts of myself because...
I mean really because I'm a woman. We are raised
to be people pleasers. We are raised in a societal
construct that has very clear definitions of
what is appropriate or not or quote unquote normal.
And so many of us may have had indications of
what felt authentic for us, but over the years,
parents or teachers or peers or bosses or any
variety of people have spoken over your life
in a way that made you doubt it. And so today
I want to spend some time talking about how to
know when you are in authenticity, what that
feels like in your body, what that resonates
as, and then how to know when you are moving
in your authentic purpose and help to clarify
what that is. Because I know many of us walk
around this planet asking the question, what
is my purpose? And I think so often we confuse
purpose with profession. Your purpose may be
what feels to be almost too generic to create
a job or career from. And if that's the case,
almost any job or career can become fulfilling
if you are acting in your purpose. So how do
you know if you are in authenticity? Authenticity
always feels like love, openness, and excitement.
It is expansive. It is warm. It is knowing. It's
supported and solid and full of joy. It never
feels like hesitation or to the exclusion of
a particular other or you have to be a certain
way out of fear or avoidance. You will feel protected
when you are authentic, but not as though you
are doing, saying, or being a thing in order
to be protected from something outside of you.
You feel assured in what you're saying or doing.
When you are moving in authenticity, it doesn't
create or drive a wedge between you and some
perceived other, at least not from your perspective.
When you are in your authenticity, you feel perfectly
at ease, allowing others to be in their authenticity
as well without fear of how they might affect
you or the perception of you. Being in your authenticity
feels powerful You feel untouched in a way from
that perspective that it doesn't matter how they're
behaving or doing or being. I am solid where
I'm at. You feel decisive and it's easy to take
action and the catalyst for that action feels
inspired not forced. You might find you're in
flow state or like time just disappears when
you're being or doing or behaving in a certain
way that is aligned with your authenticity. Your
life begins to reflect your authentic power through
synchronicity and things falling into place or
almost like things are just magically working
out. Now if you've been acting outside of your
authenticity for a long period of time, re -establishing
a connection with your authenticity is a practice.
It's not necessarily something that you will
wake up and do. We all have been raised into
paradigms or ways of being that were given to
us. by our parents, by our society, by school,
by work. And when you are peeling those layers
back and stepping back into your authenticity,
you might feel a little bit uncertain. It might
feel a little bit nervous even. But underlying
that is a deep sense of knowing or peace or certainty
or assuredness that what you're doing is right
for you or that the way you're being or what
you're saying is right for you. And even in that
nervousness, the other side of nervousness is
excited. They feel very similar and they're very
similar energetically. So even despite the nervousness
there's a bit of a flutter and excitement that
this is right. When I was in my early 20s and
living on my own without a roommate or a significant
other for the first time I remember going to
buy a shower curtain and realizing as I stood
in front of an aisle with plenty of shower curtains
to choose from that I was paralyzed and trying
to decide what I wanted. I was so out of touch
with my own authenticity, my own preference,
my own desires because I was very well trained
in being a people pleaser or I had had those
things decided for me that it was literally the
first time I became conscious of not having a
knowing of myself. And it's such a silly simple
thing, a shower curtain. But the moment was very
profound. It's almost like if you've ever seen
the movie The Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts
when she doesn't know what kind of eggs she likes
and she always likes the kind of egg that her
significant other likes and when she becomes
aware of it she makes every type of egg and tries
them all to start to get to know herself better.
It was similar to that only with shower curtains.
And when I realized that I didn't know what kind
of shower curtain I want and I realized how deep
that thread of not knowing when because how we
do small things, how we show up in small ways
is how we do big things and how we show up in
big ways. And so if I was uncertain about what
kind of shower curtain I wanted to choose in
that moment, you can be darn sure I had no idea
how I wanted to show up in my life or who I wanted
to be. So that day. I bought a clear shower curtain
liner and I committed to living with that until
I found a shower curtain that I genuinely resonated
with that I was excited to have in my home. It
took me almost a year and at least once a month
I would go to a new store or find a new website
and pour over shower curtains. Eventually I settled
on a very boho, very colorful, paisley, floral
shower curtain. And looking back it would not
be my taste now, but I was so proud of that shower
curtain. Every time I walked into my bathroom
my heart jumped a little for joy because I chose
that and I did it for me. And that feeling of
certainty is another way to recognize when you
are in authenticity. Now, if you've been out
of authenticity, when you begin to move into
it and you're practicing that habit, it may not
be very easy either. In fact, when you are coming
into alignment with your authenticity, the things
that are not aligned will fall away. And as they
crumble through that rubble, there is still a
foundation that will emerge that feels solid
and right. And while Sometimes the things falling
away can feel sad. The ending of relationships
or jobs or circumstances that in some ways did
fulfill a need for you. We still feel a deep
pull to keep moving forward in the direction
of your authenticity, regardless of the losses.
Authenticity isn't just about a decision or aligning
with an energy and then everything just comes
to you. Authenticity takes action. It requires
making moves in the direction of your authentic
power. But when you're making moves it doesn't
feel forced. It doesn't feel like you're having
to make things happen. It just feels like you're
taking steps towards what's right. Likewise,
authenticity does not allow your anxieties to
rule. over what you are truly pulled toward.
The thing that you know is authentically aligned
for you might feel out of reach. It might feel
big. You might know on an intuitive level that
it means that certain things are going to fall
away. But when you think about the other side
of that, it compels you forward. If you've lived
outside of your authenticity for a long time,
you may not recognize how your integrity is out
of alignment. How you aren't consistently honest
with yourself or others. And it's a muscle that
you need to flex and practice with. Just like
when you're starting to lift weights and you
start with a very small weight it feels difficult
at first. It can feel awkward but the more you
practice the stronger your authenticity and knowing
become and the easier it is to lift heavier and
heavier circumstances and bring them into alignment
with your authenticity. You might find that as
you begin to align with your authenticity people
around you who are not aligned with theirs become
unnerved or agitated or angry nothing pisses
someone off who is outside of their authenticity
more than someone who is living inside of theirs
energetically it literally rubs them the wrong
way those vibrations are so opposite they don't
work so those are some thoughts on authenticity
what it might feel like in your body and your
spirit So now let's talk about how to start recognizing
what is authentic for you, and specifically when
it comes to purpose. I have six questions that
you're welcome to either journal about, which
I recommend, or just spend some time thinking
about them. And you can come back to these as
needed, but I recommend writing down three or
four answers can be just one or two words to
each of these questions, whatever first comes
to your mind. So here we go. Question number
one, if money were no object, what would I be
doing right now? If money were new object, what
would I be doing right now? Number two, when
given the opportunity to steer a conversation
in a particular direction, what topics do I most
excitedly talk about most often? When given the
opportunity to steer a conversation in a particular
direction, what topics do I most excitedly talk
about most often? Three or four quick one word
answers, one or two words that answer these questions.
3. What activities do I most often gravitate
toward in my free time that light me up and bring
me joy? 4. What am I doing when I lose all track
of time? 5. If obligations were no issue, what
would I drop everything for right now? If obligations
were no issue, what would I drop everything for
right now? Number six, what are the top things
I feel people would really enjoy if they tried
them? What are the top things I feel people would
really enjoy if they tried them? And once you've
written down your three or four, one or two word
answers to each of these questions, I'm going
to bet that there are some repeat answers in
there and you're going to start to see a pattern.
Because whether or not we're conscious of it,
we are often thinking and feeling and being in
our purpose all the time. And then my other challenge
to you is to find the commonality in your answers
and then start to think about and examine how
you can apply that purpose to your current life
as it is, which brings fulfillment. And then
are there steps you need to take to start moving
toward your purpose in a more tangible, solid
way in your day to day? You're here for a reason.
You are here to share the magic of who you are
with the rest of us and to do that from a place
of true, authentic power. That power has been
placed inside of you by your Creator. It is not
an accident. When you are moving in love and
with love towards others from a place of authenticity,
the level of joy and peace and fulfillment and
happiness that comes into your life is unmatched.
And you may not be in a place to blow up your
life and change everything at this exact point
in time, but that's okay. You can start moving
towards your authenticity and acting in your
authenticity in a more consistent and regular
way every day in every moment with a little bit
of intentionality. I hope you have a beautiful
weekend as you move closer towards being here
now. We'll talk soon.