WEBVTT 00:00:01.579 --> 00:00:06.120 Hi, I'm Kara Sutterfield and this is my podcast. 00:00:06.780 --> 00:00:09.759 After over 20 years of leading one -on -one and 00:00:09.759 --> 00:00:12.939 group coaching in professional settings, I developed 00:00:12.939 --> 00:00:15.960 a passion for helping other women uncover who 00:00:15.960 --> 00:00:19.019 they long to become and how to live into that 00:00:19.019 --> 00:00:22.850 vision of self today. Let's deep dive into this 00:00:22.850 --> 00:00:26.449 profound exploration together. Discover how best 00:00:26.449 --> 00:00:29.510 to embody the highest version of ourselves and 00:00:29.510 --> 00:00:33.130 take action in this present moment to be her 00:00:33.130 --> 00:00:38.270 now. Hello and welcome back to To Be Her Now. 00:00:38.649 --> 00:00:42.390 I am your hostess Kara and today I want to have 00:00:42.390 --> 00:00:45.969 a conversation about authenticity and to also 00:00:45.969 --> 00:00:51.170 look at how being your authentic self feeds into 00:00:51.170 --> 00:00:54.310 your purpose in your life. I think a great place 00:00:54.310 --> 00:00:58.929 to start is to define authentic. Authentic is 00:00:58.929 --> 00:01:02.649 not false or imitation. It is real and actual. 00:01:03.070 --> 00:01:05.829 It is worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming 00:01:05.829 --> 00:01:08.769 to or based on fact. And most importantly, and 00:01:08.769 --> 00:01:11.370 really the perspective from which I'll be speaking 00:01:11.370 --> 00:01:16.349 today is true to one's own personality, spirit, 00:01:16.969 --> 00:01:19.709 or character. So why even have a conversation 00:01:19.709 --> 00:01:24.370 about authenticity? I am 43 years old and I feel 00:01:24.370 --> 00:01:28.370 like I am finally just beginning to step into 00:01:28.370 --> 00:01:31.469 my authenticity. I have had glimpses of it over 00:01:31.469 --> 00:01:35.609 my life to be sure, but I have often doubted 00:01:35.609 --> 00:01:41.469 or muted or buried parts of myself because... 00:01:41.469 --> 00:01:44.650 I mean really because I'm a woman. We are raised 00:01:44.650 --> 00:01:47.689 to be people pleasers. We are raised in a societal 00:01:47.689 --> 00:01:50.930 construct that has very clear definitions of 00:01:50.930 --> 00:01:54.170 what is appropriate or not or quote unquote normal. 00:01:54.890 --> 00:01:58.310 And so many of us may have had indications of 00:01:58.310 --> 00:02:00.810 what felt authentic for us, but over the years, 00:02:01.189 --> 00:02:06.010 parents or teachers or peers or bosses or any 00:02:06.010 --> 00:02:08.930 variety of people have spoken over your life 00:02:08.930 --> 00:02:11.710 in a way that made you doubt it. And so today 00:02:11.710 --> 00:02:13.889 I want to spend some time talking about how to 00:02:13.889 --> 00:02:16.530 know when you are in authenticity, what that 00:02:16.530 --> 00:02:19.030 feels like in your body, what that resonates 00:02:19.030 --> 00:02:22.189 as, and then how to know when you are moving 00:02:22.189 --> 00:02:26.250 in your authentic purpose and help to clarify 00:02:26.250 --> 00:02:29.789 what that is. Because I know many of us walk 00:02:29.789 --> 00:02:32.169 around this planet asking the question, what 00:02:32.169 --> 00:02:35.990 is my purpose? And I think so often we confuse 00:02:35.990 --> 00:02:39.960 purpose with profession. Your purpose may be 00:02:39.960 --> 00:02:44.000 what feels to be almost too generic to create 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:47.360 a job or career from. And if that's the case, 00:02:47.479 --> 00:02:50.219 almost any job or career can become fulfilling 00:02:50.219 --> 00:02:53.360 if you are acting in your purpose. So how do 00:02:53.360 --> 00:02:56.240 you know if you are in authenticity? Authenticity 00:02:56.240 --> 00:03:00.199 always feels like love, openness, and excitement. 00:03:00.539 --> 00:03:04.360 It is expansive. It is warm. It is knowing. It's 00:03:04.360 --> 00:03:07.770 supported and solid and full of joy. It never 00:03:07.770 --> 00:03:11.150 feels like hesitation or to the exclusion of 00:03:11.150 --> 00:03:14.449 a particular other or you have to be a certain 00:03:14.449 --> 00:03:18.810 way out of fear or avoidance. You will feel protected 00:03:18.810 --> 00:03:21.469 when you are authentic, but not as though you 00:03:21.469 --> 00:03:24.830 are doing, saying, or being a thing in order 00:03:24.830 --> 00:03:27.650 to be protected from something outside of you. 00:03:27.849 --> 00:03:30.610 You feel assured in what you're saying or doing. 00:03:30.919 --> 00:03:34.219 When you are moving in authenticity, it doesn't 00:03:34.219 --> 00:03:37.520 create or drive a wedge between you and some 00:03:37.520 --> 00:03:40.240 perceived other, at least not from your perspective. 00:03:40.780 --> 00:03:43.139 When you are in your authenticity, you feel perfectly 00:03:43.139 --> 00:03:46.699 at ease, allowing others to be in their authenticity 00:03:46.699 --> 00:03:50.719 as well without fear of how they might affect 00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:54.539 you or the perception of you. Being in your authenticity 00:03:54.539 --> 00:03:58.500 feels powerful You feel untouched in a way from 00:03:58.500 --> 00:04:01.020 that perspective that it doesn't matter how they're 00:04:01.020 --> 00:04:03.680 behaving or doing or being. I am solid where 00:04:03.680 --> 00:04:06.719 I'm at. You feel decisive and it's easy to take 00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:09.280 action and the catalyst for that action feels 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:12.439 inspired not forced. You might find you're in 00:04:12.439 --> 00:04:15.840 flow state or like time just disappears when 00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:18.959 you're being or doing or behaving in a certain 00:04:18.959 --> 00:04:21.759 way that is aligned with your authenticity. Your 00:04:21.759 --> 00:04:24.620 life begins to reflect your authentic power through 00:04:24.620 --> 00:04:27.639 synchronicity and things falling into place or 00:04:27.639 --> 00:04:29.920 almost like things are just magically working 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:33.040 out. Now if you've been acting outside of your 00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:36.560 authenticity for a long period of time, re -establishing 00:04:36.560 --> 00:04:39.639 a connection with your authenticity is a practice. 00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:42.259 It's not necessarily something that you will 00:04:42.259 --> 00:04:45.540 wake up and do. We all have been raised into 00:04:45.540 --> 00:04:48.439 paradigms or ways of being that were given to 00:04:48.439 --> 00:04:51.899 us. by our parents, by our society, by school, 00:04:52.100 --> 00:04:54.519 by work. And when you are peeling those layers 00:04:54.519 --> 00:04:56.620 back and stepping back into your authenticity, 00:04:56.620 --> 00:04:59.779 you might feel a little bit uncertain. It might 00:04:59.779 --> 00:05:02.600 feel a little bit nervous even. But underlying 00:05:02.600 --> 00:05:07.040 that is a deep sense of knowing or peace or certainty 00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:10.199 or assuredness that what you're doing is right 00:05:10.199 --> 00:05:12.459 for you or that the way you're being or what 00:05:12.459 --> 00:05:14.899 you're saying is right for you. And even in that 00:05:14.899 --> 00:05:17.959 nervousness, the other side of nervousness is 00:05:17.959 --> 00:05:21.129 excited. They feel very similar and they're very 00:05:21.129 --> 00:05:24.410 similar energetically. So even despite the nervousness 00:05:24.410 --> 00:05:27.310 there's a bit of a flutter and excitement that 00:05:27.310 --> 00:05:30.569 this is right. When I was in my early 20s and 00:05:30.569 --> 00:05:33.410 living on my own without a roommate or a significant 00:05:33.410 --> 00:05:36.649 other for the first time I remember going to 00:05:36.649 --> 00:05:40.670 buy a shower curtain and realizing as I stood 00:05:40.670 --> 00:05:43.290 in front of an aisle with plenty of shower curtains 00:05:43.290 --> 00:05:45.990 to choose from that I was paralyzed and trying 00:05:45.990 --> 00:05:49.149 to decide what I wanted. I was so out of touch 00:05:49.149 --> 00:05:52.329 with my own authenticity, my own preference, 00:05:52.550 --> 00:05:56.550 my own desires because I was very well trained 00:05:56.550 --> 00:05:58.910 in being a people pleaser or I had had those 00:05:58.910 --> 00:06:01.769 things decided for me that it was literally the 00:06:01.769 --> 00:06:04.870 first time I became conscious of not having a 00:06:04.870 --> 00:06:07.810 knowing of myself. And it's such a silly simple 00:06:07.810 --> 00:06:10.889 thing, a shower curtain. But the moment was very 00:06:10.889 --> 00:06:13.600 profound. It's almost like if you've ever seen 00:06:13.600 --> 00:06:16.100 the movie The Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts 00:06:16.100 --> 00:06:19.439 when she doesn't know what kind of eggs she likes 00:06:19.439 --> 00:06:22.579 and she always likes the kind of egg that her 00:06:22.579 --> 00:06:24.699 significant other likes and when she becomes 00:06:24.699 --> 00:06:27.720 aware of it she makes every type of egg and tries 00:06:27.720 --> 00:06:30.240 them all to start to get to know herself better. 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:32.600 It was similar to that only with shower curtains. 00:06:33.100 --> 00:06:36.459 And when I realized that I didn't know what kind 00:06:36.459 --> 00:06:39.120 of shower curtain I want and I realized how deep 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:43.480 that thread of not knowing when because how we 00:06:43.480 --> 00:06:46.660 do small things, how we show up in small ways 00:06:46.660 --> 00:06:49.879 is how we do big things and how we show up in 00:06:49.879 --> 00:06:53.339 big ways. And so if I was uncertain about what 00:06:53.339 --> 00:06:55.300 kind of shower curtain I wanted to choose in 00:06:55.300 --> 00:06:57.699 that moment, you can be darn sure I had no idea 00:06:57.699 --> 00:07:00.339 how I wanted to show up in my life or who I wanted 00:07:00.339 --> 00:07:03.629 to be. So that day. I bought a clear shower curtain 00:07:03.629 --> 00:07:06.769 liner and I committed to living with that until 00:07:06.769 --> 00:07:10.389 I found a shower curtain that I genuinely resonated 00:07:10.389 --> 00:07:13.310 with that I was excited to have in my home. It 00:07:13.310 --> 00:07:15.689 took me almost a year and at least once a month 00:07:15.689 --> 00:07:18.430 I would go to a new store or find a new website 00:07:18.430 --> 00:07:23.529 and pour over shower curtains. Eventually I settled 00:07:23.529 --> 00:07:27.689 on a very boho, very colorful, paisley, floral 00:07:27.689 --> 00:07:30.790 shower curtain. And looking back it would not 00:07:30.790 --> 00:07:38.230 be my taste now, but I was so proud of that shower 00:07:38.230 --> 00:07:41.790 curtain. Every time I walked into my bathroom 00:07:41.790 --> 00:07:45.490 my heart jumped a little for joy because I chose 00:07:45.490 --> 00:07:48.910 that and I did it for me. And that feeling of 00:07:48.910 --> 00:07:51.990 certainty is another way to recognize when you 00:07:51.990 --> 00:07:54.160 are in authenticity. Now, if you've been out 00:07:54.160 --> 00:07:56.720 of authenticity, when you begin to move into 00:07:56.720 --> 00:07:59.779 it and you're practicing that habit, it may not 00:07:59.779 --> 00:08:03.399 be very easy either. In fact, when you are coming 00:08:03.399 --> 00:08:07.259 into alignment with your authenticity, the things 00:08:07.259 --> 00:08:10.600 that are not aligned will fall away. And as they 00:08:10.600 --> 00:08:13.620 crumble through that rubble, there is still a 00:08:13.620 --> 00:08:16.279 foundation that will emerge that feels solid 00:08:16.279 --> 00:08:20.170 and right. And while Sometimes the things falling 00:08:20.170 --> 00:08:23.709 away can feel sad. The ending of relationships 00:08:23.709 --> 00:08:29.269 or jobs or circumstances that in some ways did 00:08:29.269 --> 00:08:32.750 fulfill a need for you. We still feel a deep 00:08:32.750 --> 00:08:35.409 pull to keep moving forward in the direction 00:08:35.409 --> 00:08:38.250 of your authenticity, regardless of the losses. 00:08:38.850 --> 00:08:42.450 Authenticity isn't just about a decision or aligning 00:08:42.450 --> 00:08:44.970 with an energy and then everything just comes 00:08:44.970 --> 00:08:48.200 to you. Authenticity takes action. It requires 00:08:48.200 --> 00:08:51.039 making moves in the direction of your authentic 00:08:51.039 --> 00:08:53.860 power. But when you're making moves it doesn't 00:08:53.860 --> 00:08:56.100 feel forced. It doesn't feel like you're having 00:08:56.100 --> 00:08:59.480 to make things happen. It just feels like you're 00:08:59.480 --> 00:09:02.240 taking steps towards what's right. Likewise, 00:09:02.700 --> 00:09:05.600 authenticity does not allow your anxieties to 00:09:05.600 --> 00:09:08.070 rule. over what you are truly pulled toward. 00:09:08.210 --> 00:09:11.110 The thing that you know is authentically aligned 00:09:11.110 --> 00:09:13.750 for you might feel out of reach. It might feel 00:09:13.750 --> 00:09:17.149 big. You might know on an intuitive level that 00:09:17.149 --> 00:09:19.169 it means that certain things are going to fall 00:09:19.169 --> 00:09:21.389 away. But when you think about the other side 00:09:21.389 --> 00:09:23.990 of that, it compels you forward. If you've lived 00:09:23.990 --> 00:09:26.289 outside of your authenticity for a long time, 00:09:26.289 --> 00:09:29.950 you may not recognize how your integrity is out 00:09:29.950 --> 00:09:33.210 of alignment. How you aren't consistently honest 00:09:33.210 --> 00:09:36.309 with yourself or others. And it's a muscle that 00:09:36.309 --> 00:09:39.029 you need to flex and practice with. Just like 00:09:39.029 --> 00:09:40.970 when you're starting to lift weights and you 00:09:40.970 --> 00:09:43.509 start with a very small weight it feels difficult 00:09:43.509 --> 00:09:46.950 at first. It can feel awkward but the more you 00:09:46.950 --> 00:09:49.870 practice the stronger your authenticity and knowing 00:09:49.870 --> 00:09:54.710 become and the easier it is to lift heavier and 00:09:54.710 --> 00:09:58.370 heavier circumstances and bring them into alignment 00:09:58.370 --> 00:10:01.090 with your authenticity. You might find that as 00:10:01.090 --> 00:10:04.190 you begin to align with your authenticity people 00:10:04.190 --> 00:10:07.860 around you who are not aligned with theirs become 00:10:07.860 --> 00:10:12.039 unnerved or agitated or angry nothing pisses 00:10:12.039 --> 00:10:14.419 someone off who is outside of their authenticity 00:10:14.419 --> 00:10:17.919 more than someone who is living inside of theirs 00:10:17.919 --> 00:10:20.879 energetically it literally rubs them the wrong 00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:23.759 way those vibrations are so opposite they don't 00:10:23.759 --> 00:10:26.919 work so those are some thoughts on authenticity 00:10:26.919 --> 00:10:29.000 what it might feel like in your body and your 00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:31.980 spirit So now let's talk about how to start recognizing 00:10:31.980 --> 00:10:34.820 what is authentic for you, and specifically when 00:10:34.820 --> 00:10:37.600 it comes to purpose. I have six questions that 00:10:37.600 --> 00:10:40.019 you're welcome to either journal about, which 00:10:40.019 --> 00:10:42.139 I recommend, or just spend some time thinking 00:10:42.139 --> 00:10:44.460 about them. And you can come back to these as 00:10:44.460 --> 00:10:47.039 needed, but I recommend writing down three or 00:10:47.039 --> 00:10:49.879 four answers can be just one or two words to 00:10:49.879 --> 00:10:51.980 each of these questions, whatever first comes 00:10:51.980 --> 00:10:54.659 to your mind. So here we go. Question number 00:10:54.659 --> 00:10:58.259 one, if money were no object, what would I be 00:10:58.259 --> 00:11:00.779 doing right now? If money were new object, what 00:11:00.779 --> 00:11:03.419 would I be doing right now? Number two, when 00:11:03.419 --> 00:11:06.340 given the opportunity to steer a conversation 00:11:06.340 --> 00:11:10.000 in a particular direction, what topics do I most 00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:13.480 excitedly talk about most often? When given the 00:11:13.480 --> 00:11:17.659 opportunity to steer a conversation in a particular 00:11:17.659 --> 00:11:21.799 direction, what topics do I most excitedly talk 00:11:21.799 --> 00:11:25.840 about most often? Three or four quick one word 00:11:25.840 --> 00:11:28.639 answers, one or two words that answer these questions. 00:11:29.330 --> 00:11:33.490 3. What activities do I most often gravitate 00:11:33.490 --> 00:11:36.309 toward in my free time that light me up and bring 00:11:36.309 --> 00:11:47.250 me joy? 4. What am I doing when I lose all track 00:11:47.250 --> 00:11:54.090 of time? 5. If obligations were no issue, what 00:11:54.090 --> 00:11:57.590 would I drop everything for right now? If obligations 00:11:57.590 --> 00:12:00.330 were no issue, what would I drop everything for 00:12:00.330 --> 00:12:03.769 right now? Number six, what are the top things 00:12:03.769 --> 00:12:06.370 I feel people would really enjoy if they tried 00:12:06.370 --> 00:12:08.970 them? What are the top things I feel people would 00:12:08.970 --> 00:12:11.929 really enjoy if they tried them? And once you've 00:12:11.929 --> 00:12:13.950 written down your three or four, one or two word 00:12:13.950 --> 00:12:16.210 answers to each of these questions, I'm going 00:12:16.210 --> 00:12:18.730 to bet that there are some repeat answers in 00:12:18.730 --> 00:12:20.669 there and you're going to start to see a pattern. 00:12:21.110 --> 00:12:23.409 Because whether or not we're conscious of it, 00:12:23.429 --> 00:12:27.309 we are often thinking and feeling and being in 00:12:27.309 --> 00:12:30.389 our purpose all the time. And then my other challenge 00:12:30.389 --> 00:12:33.909 to you is to find the commonality in your answers 00:12:33.909 --> 00:12:36.990 and then start to think about and examine how 00:12:36.990 --> 00:12:40.269 you can apply that purpose to your current life 00:12:40.269 --> 00:12:42.909 as it is, which brings fulfillment. And then 00:12:42.909 --> 00:12:45.610 are there steps you need to take to start moving 00:12:45.610 --> 00:12:48.769 toward your purpose in a more tangible, solid 00:12:48.769 --> 00:12:51.590 way in your day to day? You're here for a reason. 00:12:51.710 --> 00:12:54.950 You are here to share the magic of who you are 00:12:54.950 --> 00:12:57.350 with the rest of us and to do that from a place 00:12:57.350 --> 00:13:01.149 of true, authentic power. That power has been 00:13:01.149 --> 00:13:03.830 placed inside of you by your Creator. It is not 00:13:03.830 --> 00:13:06.970 an accident. When you are moving in love and 00:13:06.970 --> 00:13:10.029 with love towards others from a place of authenticity, 00:13:10.350 --> 00:13:13.649 the level of joy and peace and fulfillment and 00:13:13.649 --> 00:13:16.429 happiness that comes into your life is unmatched. 00:13:16.759 --> 00:13:19.899 And you may not be in a place to blow up your 00:13:19.899 --> 00:13:22.299 life and change everything at this exact point 00:13:22.299 --> 00:13:25.200 in time, but that's okay. You can start moving 00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:28.299 towards your authenticity and acting in your 00:13:28.299 --> 00:13:30.820 authenticity in a more consistent and regular 00:13:30.820 --> 00:13:33.720 way every day in every moment with a little bit 00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:36.019 of intentionality. I hope you have a beautiful 00:13:36.019 --> 00:13:39.039 weekend as you move closer towards being here 00:13:39.039 --> 00:13:40.600 now. We'll talk soon.