Welcome to Milestone Moments, the show where
we explore the journeys that lead to success.
I'm Sheila Slick, your host and founder of Five
Milestones. In every episode, we will bring you
insights from the minds of entrepreneurs, leaders
and experts who will share not just their expertise,
but the milestone moments that have reshaped
their journeys and led to significant achievements.
So if you're looking for motivation, you're in
the right place. Subscribe now and discover the
milestones that mark the path to success. Welcome
to another episode of Milestone Moments in Business
and Leadership. I'm your host, Sheila Slick.
And today, my special guest is Tanya Lehman,
founder of JoyLab. Tanya is an inspiring speaker,
a motivational teacher, a lively storyteller,
and she's from sunny San Diego, California. With
her vibrant enthusiasm, she captivates audiences
with insightful discussions on communication
mastery, effective goal setting, fostering courage,
and unlocking creativity. Whether she's in a
community, in a cozy community setting, or in
a bustling corporate environment, Tanya brings
energy and inspiration, driving positive change
wherever she goes. Welcome to the show, Tanya.
Thank you so much, Sheila. Tell me about what
got you to do what you do today. Ah, so I'm a
speaker and coach that helps introverts, quiet
people who are tired of not being heard, to gain
the skills and confidence to speak up for personal
growth and professional impact. So I'll bring
my introvert talks to corporations. I can work
one -on -one. I have coaching. I have video courses.
And I have a fun online speaking games club,
which is good for helping introverts to learn
to speak up without the pressure to perform.
So are you an introvert? I know you're not an
introvert now. I am still an introvert, Sheila.
But I have learned over time that I just can't,
I can't hide. I can't walk into a room and look
for the door to leave right away, which is maybe
what I feel like doing. And I do need to be able
to communicate my... my what I need and what
I want and sometimes I have good ideas that I
want to share and so a long time ago my husband
took a new job and I went with him to the work
party it was at the manager's house and We walked
in and my husband's known as the new guy. And
so he's immediately engulfed in conversations.
And I get my plate of food and my Diet Coke and
my smile on my face. And Sheila, no one talks
to me. So I go over to a group of people who
are talking and I am completely ignored. So can
you guess what I do? I go to the bathroom. And
I stayed there. I'm in the guest bathroom of
the manager's house, and I'm like trying to kill
time because I don't want to go back out to that
uncomfortable place. So I'm wiping down the bathroom
counter. I'm reading every ingredient in the
hand lotion bottle. And then finally, when I
have to leave, I have to go out of the guest
bathroom, and I see somebody. And she's new to
the party. And she's just like me, completely
ignored. And so I go over to her and we clean
together like we're on a lifeboat together. And,
you know, I actually enjoyed having a conversation
with her the rest of that night. But just because
I'm quiet doesn't mean I have nothing to say.
And just because I'm quiet doesn't mean that
I should be ignored. And I knew then. After that,
I can't live that way. So even though I am still
an introvert and would rather listen to you talk
than be the talker, I knew that I had to learn
some skills and train myself to be able to speak
up when it's important. And so now I bring those
skills to my clients and my audience when I get
to speak. So by sharing that story, you even
brought down my guard, right? Now I feel I'm
in a safe space because you've experienced firsthand,
you know, that weird feeling when you walk in
to a party or an event and you just know no one
and you get those butterflies. You just want
to run the opposite way. And I wonder if everyone
at one point has felt that. I know I have. I
bet you're right, Sheila. I bet everybody has
at one point. I know, though, that extroverts
walk into a party where they know no one and
they see opportunity. And that's just a different,
it's not bad. It's not good. It's just different,
a different way of looking at the world. Well,
now I'm feeling I'm a bit of both. I have my
introverted side where I love to just focus.
on my own work and have that silence. It gives
me that time to think and not have to speak.
But I also like to step out of my comfort zone.
And when I created this actual podcast, Tanya,
I thought, well, I'm enjoying conversations and
other people's podcasts. Why don't I start mine
and have that opportunity to invite others to
join me? And those first audios, it was like,
gosh. Well, even now, I'm probably still nitpicking
them every time that I'm hearing them. And I
still play them when, you know, they go live.
And it's something that you have to process and
overcome and practice. What are some of the techniques
that you use with the introverts? We're all going
to be expected to spontaneously answer unexpected
questions. I have a speaking games club. It's
online. It's weekly. And we play games. And I
was wondering if you would like to play one of
my speaking games that demonstrates that ability
to spontaneously speak up. Are your games all
in? And I'm prepared. Hold on. Let me take a
breath. Ready? There we go. This game is called
I Have a Gift for You. So I'm going to give you
a pretend gift. And you're going to take it and
open it. But I don't know what it is. But you
open it and you tell me what it is and say, thank
you. I always wanted a whatever it is. And then
I have to say, oh, Sheila, I know you wanted
a whatever it is. Because and I have to quickly
come up with a reason. OK, so, for instance,
if I gave you a package, here's a gift and you
open it up and say, oh, Tanya, thank you so much
for the real live turtle. Then I have to think
quickly. Well, I know you wanted a real live
turtle because your pet snake wasn't feeling
well or something like that. So the whole goal
is to spontaneously come up with a reason and
spontaneously coming up with a gift. So are you
ready? Let's try and see. So, oh, Sheila, I have
a gift for you. Thank you, Tanya. Oh, my God,
Tanya. It's a million dollars. Hila, I knew you
wanted a million dollars because you wanted to
buy that Pacific Island for all for yourself
with the house and the swimming pool all to yourself.
Okay, now your turn. Hi, Tanya. Nice to meet
you. Here's your kit. Oh, thank you. It's ruby
red slippers. From the Wizard of Oz. Thank you.
Oh, well, you're welcome. So I have to answer.
Now I forgot. Gosh. So tell me, why did you give
me that gift? Why did I give you that gift? Oh,
no, I have to respond why I gave you that gift.
Yes, you didn't know what you gave me. I just
told you, store these ruby red slippers from
the Wizard of Oz. Now you say why. So that you
can follow the brick road. Isn't that where all
your dreams come true when you reach the end?
Yes, exactly. So that's the I Have a Gift for
You game. I do it in my Speaking Games Club.
And the whole point is to spontaneously answer
and gracefully deal with uncertainty. I had no
idea that you were going to give me a million.
I was going to give you a million dollars. And
then. With that uncertainty, I had to come up
with an explanation. And it just had to be something
fun. So in your work, do you work with youth,
adult, in workplace settings, you said? I have
worked with middle schoolers and high schoolers,
but not as much. It's not that, it's just the
market isn't there. The schools aren't bringing,
they don't see the need. So it's more individuals
who at work, they see somebody else being promoted.
At work, they're sitting at a meeting and they
have an idea, but instead of saying it, they're
composing the email in their mind that they're
going to send after the meeting when actually
contributing in the moment. And it would be so
much more powerful. So I work with those types
of individuals. And then also, I'm really trying
to get leaders. To recognize the untapped potential,
introverts tend to get their work done. They
go in their cubicle, their office, their Zoom
home office, and they produce and they get their
work done. But there's untapped potential. There's
so much more that they can give and they just
may not feel like. They can say anything. And
the loudest voice in the room usually gets the
attention. So speaking of leaders, many leaders
struggle with creating that psychological safety
where perhaps they feel that the louder team
member is the one that gets heard. What would
be one key piece of advice or one tip so that
they can perhaps speak out? Have you ever been
in a meeting where someone says something and
it says, any questions? No. Okay. And then they
go on and they say something else. Any questions?
No. Okay. All right. Stop. That is not a good
way to get feedback. Instead, you know, present
your idea and then pause. Let there be space.
And then if one person is contributing a lot.
great. They're giving a lot of good information.
Thank you for that. Let's hear from somebody
else. And then don't rush it because introverts
have to be, you have to get into a routine where
you feel that you can be heard, that you can
speak up. If you are always, okay, let's move
on. When you're just about to say something,
if the leader is always, okay, let's move on
without giving the quieter people a chance. then
they're never going to be able to speak up. They're
never going to contribute. So giving space and
acknowledging and making it safe for somebody
who's more quiet to contribute. You have something.
So when I hear the word safe, I would say one
of the times. that you feel that it may not be
safe, is when you perhaps don't agree. You disagree.
Yes. So my opinion, and I want to hear yours,
would be you first acknowledge that you understood
that person's point of view. And then you have
to show yours, right? So that you too can participate
and your voice can be heard. Do you have a specific...
technique or one sentence that can stick in our
minds so that next time we want to raise our
hands to actually speak how we feel or share
our perspective without you know feeling like
you're knocking what they're saying or perhaps
it's your boss how do you handle that in respect
to this psychological safety zone that we're
talking right right so that depends greatly on
how the boss has handled other points of view
in the past. So if the boss has always suppressed
that, or I don't agree, let's move on, you know,
then. So I work with leaders to be able to listen.
And sometimes, you know, we have our, we know
how to do it. We know the right way. And we're
just going to tell people how to do it. I don't
want to, but we do need to be able to listen
to. our teams and so for the quiet people our
introverts when you're in a meeting and there's
a discussion and you're not quite agreeing and
you know but you're trying to think how to say
and the discussion moves on you can when there's
a really break when the talkative person takes
a breath raise your hand, actually physically
raise your hand so that you're obvious that you
want to say something. And when they take a breath,
say, I want to address something that you spoke
about a little while ago, and then say it. It's
okay to talk about something that happened earlier
in the conversation, just because everything
went on. There was, oh, goodness, a time I was
in a meeting, and everyone was complaining. about
something. And in my mind, I'm thinking, you're
all being whiny babies. You just need to, you
know, and of course I can't say that. But what
I said when I had a chance was, you know, this
is a normal thing and we really should move on.
And can I say normal? The thing that was giving
them agony? I... knew as soon as I said normal,
that I had dismissed and minimized what was bothering
them and trivialized it. And I just like, the
conversation went on and what I should have done,
Sheila, is raise my hand again and said, you
remember back when I said you were complaining
about something that was normal, I apologize
for using that word and for dismissing your concerns.
I didn't. And instead, I got the big long email
from the boss. The lesson. Yes, I did learn a
lesson. And you shared that lesson. So perhaps
someone will learn from you today and prevent
that next time they want to raise their hand.
That'd be her. Well, that makes me feel better.
I'm sure we all have. That's why I ask, because
I'd love to learn. So many times you're sitting
and you want to be nodding, but you want to be
saying like, no, no, no, no, no. And I think
that when there's a little bit more apprehension
in raising that hand as well, it's easy to agree.
Oh, yes, yes, everything sounds great. I think
it's harder. When you don't agree or you respectfully
want to give your perspective or opinion. All
right. And I'd love for you to share a milestone
moment. The podcast is called Milestone Moments
in Business and Leadership. When you witness
somebody's transition from perhaps being a silent
person to becoming a powerful contributor. Sarah
was one of my clients, my coaching clients. And
Sarah is a real estate agent. And she loves finding
the perfect dream home for the perfect family,
the match that fits exactly. That's her passion.
But she's taking the people to the houses. And
if they have a question, it's like she's feeling
like they're criticizing her. If they're questioning
the size of the yard, maybe I shouldn't have
shown them this. Maybe instead of just talking
up her beautiful dream house and trying to sell
it. Sales were so hard for her. We worked together
and worked on her inner critic, worked on spontaneously
answering unexpected questions, worked on observing
everyone else. in the family because, you know,
there are dynamics in the family and maybe one
person is the dominant talker, but we worked
on giving the quiet person in the relationship,
in the family looking for the house, an opportunity
to share what they see. And she just felt so
much more confident and became so much more successful
after working on her confidence. Oh, I love that.
And I love how you share stories, because when
you storytell and you share a story, you can
visualize it and connect a little bit more with
what we're talking about. So kudos to you. Well,
thanks, Sheila. So where can we play these games
or where can we find you online? My social media
is Speak Up With Tanya. And you can find me at
joylab .biz. My middle name is Joy. And I kind
of find it's my default. So Joy Lab is my company.
And I'm on LinkedIn, Tanya Lehman. Well, thank
you so much for joining me today, Tanya. It's
been fun, Sheila. Thank you. And thank you all
for tuning in to another episode of Milestone
Moments in Business and Leadership. Until next
time.