Welcome to Milestone Moments, the show where
we explore the journeys that lead to success.
I'm Sheila Slick, your host and founder of Five
Milestones. In every episode, we will bring you
insights from the minds of entrepreneurs, leaders
and experts who will share not just their expertise,
but the milestone moments that have reshaped
their journeys and led to significant achievements.
So if you're looking for motivation, you're in
the right place. Subscribe now and discover the
milestones that mark the path to success. Welcome
to another episode of Milestone Moments in Business
and Leadership. I'm Sheila Slick, your host.
And today, my special guest is Dr. Elizabeth
Deggie Dubois. an executive coach, conflict resolution
expert, and certified divorce coach who specializes
in helping business owners step into their full
unapologetic power. With a Ph .D. in conflict
resolution and a master's degree in sociology,
Dr. Liz blends academic insight with real -world
coaching to help clients break free from people
-pleasing, overthinking, and all of the societal
programming that holds them back. Through one
-on -one coaching, group programs, and public
speaking, she guides others to reconnect with
their truest selves and lead with confidence,
clarity, and deep self -acceptance. Welcome to
the show, Dr. Liz. Thanks for having me. So your
work is all about helping others let go of people
-pleasing unapologetic power. Can you tell us
a little bit about you and what sparked your
passion for this kind of deep transformational
coaching? Yeah, well, thanks for having me. I'm
really excited to be here. I have to say like
all of the coaching lingo, some of this, including
my own, I'm just like, it's all just kind of
a veneer of like, hire me for a high ticket package
and I will like help you transform from the inside
out. And I think the coaching industry is really
in an interesting space where people are not
super interested in that kind of like empowerment
sparkle mumbo jumbo. And so the way that I started
to think about my work is really this. People
self -sabotage for lots and lots of different
reasons and leaders self -sabotage for a couple
of very specific reasons. And when I think about
this kind of logical life and authentic self
and leading with your whole heart and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah. What it comes down to is like
there's stuff that leaders really, really, really
feel passionately about. Like this is my calling.
This is what I'm supposed to do. And I hear that
from people that work in the mental health field.
I hear that from people that are in sales. I
hear that from people that have started their
own companies. I hear that from authors, right?
Kind of all over the board. But the common thing
is I feel like a deep sense of conviction that
this is what I'm supposed to be doing in my time
on this planet. And so for me, the work that
I do is figure out. Well, why aren't you doing
that? If you're clear that this is what you want
and, you know, for any of the people that I've
worked with and a lot of people I've encountered,
the issue is not you're not smart enough, right?
It's if you're deeply convicted and you're smart
enough, you have the skillset, you're talented,
right? You want to be doing this. So why aren't
you right? And that's really what my coaching
is all about. It's about pinpointing, like, why
is this not? moving forward why are you sabotaging
why are you shooting yourself in the foot and
let's do something like that because again I
think the coaching space specifically I'll say
a little bit of the mental health space but less
so is really about like you go girl blah blah
and the people I work with don't need that kind
of sparkle affirmations what they need is someone
to come in and be like okay this specific thing
that you are doing right here this one tiny thing
if If you can adjust that, shift that, overcome
that, let that go, then you're going to move
forward really, really fast. Because again, it's
not a deficit of interest. It's not a deficit
of talent. Oftentimes, it's not a deficit of
like skill set, like you need to go learn more.
It's just that there's one or two particular
things where you keep getting stuck because you
feel like to move into a new identity where this
is really normal for you to be able to do or
have this thing. That feels scary. It doesn't
feel safe. And so what I find a lot of times
is people are like, oh, well, just get out of
your comfort zone. You've got to get out of your
comfort zone and just like push yourself. And
it's almost setting people up to fail even more
because the truth is, unless you feel safe doing
something, you're not going to do it. Right.
And so I don't coach a lot of weight loss, but
we'll just for the sake of an easy example. Let's
say you need to lose 100 pounds. You're very
overweight. It's impacting your health. You can't
climb up the stairs very easily. You can't play
with your kids. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
If you don't feel very safe moving forward and
being thin, maybe you had some negative experiences.
Maybe you were sexually assaulted growing up
and you gained a lot of weight in response because
you feel uncomfortable being a woman with a body
in the world. Or maybe it feels very selfish.
to invest money in a gym membership or in healthier
food for yourself. And so you end up doing things
like buying food that's not so healthy because
you're not really in a place where it's like,
this is something I should prioritize. Am I really
worth this? And so when we look at those kinds
of factors where it's about, I feel safe pursuing
this, not necessarily comfortable, like I'm stoked
to go to the gym every day, right? I feel safe
having a thinner body. I feel safe having a promotion.
I feel safe starting a company even though my
kids are still in preschool. Whatever it is,
my work is about safety, pinpointing why you
don't feel that yet, right? Where is that space
inside of yourself, right? Whether mental, physical,
or otherwise, that's making it feel very, very,
very unsteady to step into this next iteration
of self. That's what my work is about. I don't
know. There's lots of different reasons I'm interested
in it and got inspired in a lot of different
ways. I think most fundamentally the path was
one of my first memories of probably four years
old, just based on where we were living, was
seeing my mom on the telephone and seeing her
face just fall. And her best friend had been
killed by best friend's husband. in front of
their child and it just you know not at four
I wasn't like this is my life's purpose um but
from that age on I had a very real sense of the
things that I'm interested in the world have
a lot to do with women and safety and relationships
and agency and able to speak up for yourself
and able to leave and so from there kind of pursued
that as a career path in a lot of different ways
I started my first consulting firm when I was
24 working specifically on women's issues and
from there went off to graduate school focused
a lot on on women's issues specifically and violence
against women which isn't a women's issue right
it's a men's issue if men stopped beating women
we wouldn't have like we wouldn't know violence
against women being a women's issue. So it's
been an interesting path, but I think the through
line has really been how do people feel safe
and how does that sense of safety prevent them
or empower them to move forward in their lives?
And so where does the conflict resolution, because
you've got quite the education in conflict resolution,
how does that fit in the big picture or what
led you to focus on that for your Ph .D.? That's
actually a really interesting story. So I thought
I was going to get a Ph .D. in sociology. I was
doing a Ph .D. in literacy. I was doing a master's
degree in sociology and I had taken one class.
It was summer 2010. I'd taken a class called
violence against women or women in violence,
something like that. And it just this was it,
man. This was what I wanted to do. I was 100
percent certain like this is what I wanted to
study. And the person teaching that class was
a professor at now now the school for conflict
analysis, the Carter School at George Mason.
But at the time, it was like the Institute for
Conflict Analysis. And I was just like, this
is it. I want to switch majors. This is what
I'm going to do. And I had gone to Cambodia to
do a research project on sexual violence. And
I was sitting on the top of a hostel in Cambodia.
I was looking out over the river in Phnom Penh
and I'm meditating and I'm like watching Buddhist
monks come and like ask for their breakfast.
And I'm meditating this beautiful space. And
I just had this sense of like, I'm leaving sociology.
I'm going into conflict resolution. Like this
is what. This is the thing. And I emailed that
professor sitting on this roof. I emailed Leslie
Dwyer and I said, I'm going to switch. I'm going
to switch. Like, this is what I'm going to do.
And she said, no, you're not. You are going to
stay in your master's degree and apply to your
Ph .D. program here at ICAR. And I was like,
oh, but they they don't accept people unless
they have master's degrees. And she's like, or
do they? Right. And so I applied and I. It was
one of 12 people to get in and I was really grateful
to have a full ride. And it was just like a tremendous
honor to go to school there and to go to school
with people who had really pioneered the field,
the academic field of conflict analysis and resolution.
Like they had started this program. A lot of
them that were kind of the giants through shoulders
I was standing on had started, had incubated
this project that is now the Carter School. And
it was just. It's magical to get to be there.
So you skipped the master's. You went straight
into a PhD. No, I finished the master's while
starting the PhD. But like as a fun twist, I
also had been awarded a fellowship to go study
in Moscow at the higher school economics for
a semester. So I was starting my PhD, ending
my master's degree and studying in Moscow all
at the same time. And, you know, it was a blast.
I would do it all over again in seconds. Oh,
well, my daughter just did. It's called direct
entry. That's why I was asking, did you do direct
entry? She went from a bachelor straight into
a Ph .D. program. It's not easy, but you are
able to do that in case anyone out there aspires
for it. You couldn't you couldn't do it in 2008.
That's always been a thing. Right. But the global.
Everything had collapsed in 2008. I lived in
Miami at the time. People were jumping off of
their buildings because they couldn't make the
condo payments. And they made all these crazy,
like, short sale investments and whatnot. And
so I applied to five different Ph .D. programs.
And I'd like to think that I'm, like, smart and
was well -qualified. And every single one of
them, every single one of them said, right now
we're not accepting direct applicants because.
Because everyone wants to go to grad school because
everybody is losing their jobs because the global
economy is melting before our eyes. So it was
a slightly different time. And I'm curious to
see what happens right now with such widespread
concerns about the economy happening. Like, is
that going to change the trajectory of what grad
school looks like for people, especially with
student loans and a morphing a bit? So tell us
a little bit about how you work, perhaps how.
You help everyone reconnect with the version
of themselves before all that societal BS takes
over. Fundamentally, people move forward when
they feel safe. Safety comes down to, I believe
that if I'm to move forward in this way that
I want to move forward, it's going to be okay.
And a lot of this kind of societal messaging,
a lot of that comes from our parents, right?
Or mom and dad or mom and mom, like whatever
configuration. A lot of that comes from these
are the expectations that I have for you. And
that's communicated directly, indirectly, followed
for us, whatever. Lots of messages that come
our way about who we're allowed to be. And if
the thing that you really want, right, in the
first question you asked me, like your calling,
the thing that you really want is counter to
how your parents wanted you to be or the messages
that you've got. writ large from society, you're
going to really struggle with allowing yourself
to be that person. And so before you can move
forward, you kind of have to break that open
and say, well, I feel stuck in this way. I'm
really frustrated. I don't know how to move forward.
Right. And we're going to be able to say, well,
OK, what about the thing that you want would
piss off the people that raised you? Right. And
that's a really good starting point question
of like, oh, OK, every single person I work with
has an answer to that. Right. Immediately. Right.
They might not be able to be like, oh, my gosh,
I'm just I'm so stuck. I'm shooting myself in
the foot. Right. If you ask the question, well,
this thing you want to do, how would it piss
off your mom? How would it piss off your dad?
People immediately have an answer. Right. And
from there, we can start to work through it.
Right. That's the kind of like ground zero for
societal BS is I expect you to be a thing. Right.
I expect you to be this kind of way. Where can
we find you online? Sure. My website is just
drlizdubois .com, which is D -R -L -I -Z -D -U
-B -O -I -S .com. That's drlizdubois .com. That's
the easiest way to reach me. You can hop on my
website and book a consult call there. I hang
out a bunch on Facebook, which is my full name,
which is just Elizabeth Diggie. That's D -E -G
-I Dubois. So Elizabeth D -E -G -I and then space
D -U -B -O -I -S. I put up a ton of content on
there and on LinkedIn and you should come find
me. And I generally have two to three spaces
open. Not always, but in general, I have two
to three spaces open for executive coaching.
So if you are in a place in your career where
you know you're not really scratching the surface
yet of what you really want to be doing or you're
pretty far down the field and you're like, oh,
I keep getting. Like I just can't get out of
my way. I have all this potential and I'm just
like fighting myself every step of the way and
what's going on. I'm a girl. So reach out. I
help people stop shooting themselves in the foot.
Oftentimes my clients will have gone to therapy
for many years and not gotten that forward momentum
because they're just dealing with the feelings
without actually identifying kind of strategy
behind what to do after that. So I have people
that spend years in therapy, thousands of dollars
on courses, working with other coaches around
productivity and habits and blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah. They come to me, we move forward
pretty quickly. Most of my clients make, I want
to say 25 % more fairly quickly, whether through
promotions or they increase their business. And
generally people will have doubled their income
within the first two years of working with me.
A lot of people work with me for three months
and we get at the root cause of what's going
on and we deal with it and they go on and they
build from that. And that's where that increase
comes or they continue on with me in the form
of weekly or biweekly coaching. And we move at
a much more accelerated rate. So that's how to
find me. And that's why to work with me if you
are stuck and screwing yourself over. So what
is your next milestone? I think it's twofold.
Um, my big goal when my kid started after the
pandemic, really, um, my kid turned 11 yesterday.
Um, and my big goal was to know and be known
in his school. I wanted to know all the teachers.
I wanted to know the principal and the staff
and all of that. And then I wanted them to know
me. I wanted to be the PTA mom. I wanted to be
the mom, you know, decorating cupcakes and whatnot.
And so my big milestone is my kid is going to
be done with elementary school in three weeks,
four weeks, something like that. And so I'm looking
forward to getting to build those relationships
at middle school with his teachers and the PTA.
So that's my next big milestone. I'm really cognizant
of the fact that, like, I've only got seven more
years on the clock. before he goes and does college
or the military or whatever he chooses to do.
So that's my big one is to get intertwined with
middle school and really get to be a presence
there so that I can support him in the way that
my mom supported me while I was growing up. And
then the other one is I'm writing a novel. I've
written a nonfiction dissertation that I turned
into a book, but I've never written a novel.
So that's called Bad Mom, and my goal is to have
it out in May of next year, so a year from now,
and stay tuned. Well, I'd love to have you back
talk about Bad Mom, even though it's not connecting,
because you just talked about how you want to
be a major part of your child's middle school
years. You know. Not a bad mom. Well, I'm a recovering
drug addict and I'm recovering alcoholic. So
I have 18 and a half years of freedom from alcohol.
And in August will be four years. So I guess
three and a half years of freedom from danics
and marijuana. And so I think any any person
who lives in a professionally elite space that
has struggled with drugs and alcohol can really
tell you like. There's some imposter syndrome
that goes along with that and kind of, you know,
can I bounce back from this? And how do I really
feel like I deserve a seat at the table, even
though, you know, I made these choices and this
happened? And so certainly for parents, you know,
I went to my first 12 -step meeting. April 6th
was 19 years ago. So 19 years and a month ago.
And, you know, in that time I've met just like
so many moms that just rake themselves across
the coals because of stuff that they actually
did or the way that things could have gone if
something had gone badly. And yeah, so it's a
little bit of my story of dealing with my Xanax.
addiction and it's a lot not my story of yeah
just coming into your own and doing the thing
and having good sex and raising a great kid and
all that sort of stuff want to thank you for
sharing insights having such an open conversation
with not just myself but everyone that is tuned
in absolutely my pleasure And thank you all for
tuning in to another episode of Milestone Moments
in Business and Leadership. Until next time.