Welcome to Milestone Moments, the show where
we explore the journeys that lead to success.
I'm Sheila Slick, your host and founder of Five
Milestones. In every episode, we will bring you
insights from the minds of entrepreneurs, leaders
and experts who will share not just their expertise,
but the milestone moments that have reshaped
their journeys and led to significant achievements.
So if you're looking for motivation, you're in
the right place. Subscribe now and discover the
milestones that mark the path to success. Welcome
to another episode of Milestone Moments in Business
and Leadership. I'm Sheila Slick, your host.
And today, my special guest is Sandra Myers.
Sandra has been a luxury matchmaker for nearly
30 years, and she is the president and co -founder
of Select Date Society. Select Date Society has
been featured in Forbes, Cosmopolitan, The New
York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Good
Morning America, among others. Last year, Select
Date Society ranked 639th on the Inc. 5000 list,
establishing them as the premier matchmaking
firm for millionaires and billionaires worldwide.
Welcome to the show, Sandra. Well, thank you
for having me, Sheila. And congratulations on
almost 30 years. of being in this business. Can
you share with me how you got to doing what you
do today? Yeah, I mean, I actually didn't even
know this was a career and I was actually selling
long distance down in Miami, Fort Lauderdale
for 25 cents a minute. That's what we used to
pay by the minute for long distance. And I just
started setting up people because, you know,
you had to talk to all the front end people.
You had to get to know people to get to the person
that made the decisions. And while I loved connecting
people, so it was just something I was doing
beforehand. And then when I found out that it's
just lunch, their recruiter reached out to me
and said, listen, it's just lunch to come to
Miami. They're looking for people to be matchmakers.
I was like, oh, sign me up. So I met with Andrea
McGinty. who started Just Lunch back in 1992.
And that's where my career began. I started there
in 96 and was with them for over 20 years. After
nearly 30 years in the luxury matchmaking industry,
what fundamental shift in relationship dynamics
have you observed amongst the individuals that
you serve? Well, I think probably the biggest
shift is that The women are the higher earners
than the men a lot of the times. And most of
the women that are coming to us, their biggest
challenge is that because of how much they make
or how successful they've done, that they're
finding it hard finding a relationship where
they don't feel that the men are intimidated
by the incomes that they earn. So that's been
a huge shift in the last 30 years. Because typically
it used to be the C -suite exhausts were all
the men. And they were the people that were hiring
us because they wanted, you know, the women to
be vetted so that they were not, they didn't
want women that were looking for them to provide
them a lifestyle. So now it's kind of the reverse.
Now the women are making sure that they want
a highly vetted person that we background check,
that we've interviewed, that we've asked the
right questions to. So that if they put themselves
out there and put their heart on the line, this
is someone that they can truly consider without
the worry of the rest of it. And that's kind
of where we found our niche market was because
of this actual changing shift in the dynamics
of matchmaking. I'm still listening. It's almost
like I want you to repeat because you caught
me so off guard. I thought you were going to
say, well. You know, it shifted because of technology
and we're different, but you just blew me away.
So can we just repeat that, that the women? Yeah.
I love that. Well, I think that the women have
been ignored in the matchmaking industry as the
client. I think that the heavyweight and most
services really focus on the men. the opposite
not that we don't work with men because we do
have male clients but we work with a very limited
clientele so we pick and choose like who's really
here with the intention to find their person
and that's their end goal and that's what is
a priority for them in this moment in time we
don't really want to work with somebody that
they're kind of dating if something happens it
happens like we want the serious client that
genuinely They're ready. They've done the work
on themselves. They know what they want. They
can be clear about it so that we can be effective.
So what was a pivotal business decision that
helped catalyze your growth that took you from
being a boutique matchmaking service to a recognized
industry leader? I think it's when you, and this
is going to sound so mundane, but I think when
we took the money off the table. And stop worrying
about the money. And Amber and I decided, you
know, we're going to run this firm with that
set aside. If we could do this and didn't have
to worry about the money, how would we run the
firm? And how would we best serve the client?
And how would we get the results as quickly as
possible? If we didn't, if we took that piece
out of the equation. And that's exactly what
we did. And we went from trying to get. a hundreds
of clients, you know, you know, not a year, but
like working with hundreds of people and expanding
our team and growing. And, you know, the typical
growth of a company, you know, you start and
you grow and you expand and you franchise. And
we did the opposite. We went from being bigger
to smaller, to smaller, to smallest. And that's
where we stand right now. And honestly, it's
the most rewarding work of my 30 year career.
Because, you know, these people, they're like
family to you and you get the results because
you know them so well that the matchmaking piece
actually becomes easier. So perhaps your market,
not your market, but the people you serve is
smaller, smaller. You cater to millionaires and
to billionaires. And so with that in mind, you
also. You could probably tell us some of the
things that you do differently than just perhaps
someone that's wanting to swipe through an app.
I'm not very familiar with the apps about this,
right? So if you want to give me some insights
on how it works in case anyone wants to learn
more about your service. I think the confidentiality
piece is the highest priority for our clients.
you know, for them to put themselves out there
online and exposing themselves. Because a lot
of times you have to remember, you know, the
thing that they really are trying to do at the
highest level is that somebody is wanting to
be with them for them, not for what they have.
So when we're interviewing, you know, potential
candidates for clients, they don't know anything
about the person that we're representing. So
they're blindly, we're interviewing them for
what they want. And if it matches our client,
great. If it doesn't, we move on. So rather than
dangling the carrot, which most services, that's
usually the way you do it, to entice the person
to meet your client. Well, I've got this beautiful
woman and da -da -da -da, and you go on and on.
We don't do that. We just say we're working with
somebody we want to see if you're a vet, so we'd
love to interview you and find out what you want.
Which actually, has worked really well for us
because then we're dealing with true honest information
and we know if nothing's being angled to what
has been told to them you know because if i tell
you oh this guy he's amazing he's great and he's
got two houses and you know what he loves skiing
he loves this and then when i interview you back
you're gonna be like oh i love skiing oh i love
this and then you go out on the date and the
guy asks you so you're a what level skier are
you Oh, I don't know. I mean, I've never been.
I would go. It's that kind of thing. We don't
want our clients to have to. We want them to
meet people that are actually great for them.
That the only thing left to hit is the chemistry.
So we're going to go out all the first dates.
We're going to do all this stuff that our clients
don't want to do. So we protect their heart.
And then they go out on the date that we found
for them. We may have interviewed 10 to 15 people
before we bring one to the table. And that's
the beauty of this is just putting them in a
position to win because their heart in their
pocket is protected. So do you serve just South
Florida or do you serve nationwide, worldwide?
We're worldwide. But, you know, our big markets,
you know, are California and New York, Florida.
You know, we have clients in Canada, Australia.
So it's not, we can recruit for anybody, anywhere.
It's not where you are. It's not who you are.
It's not how much money you have. It's, are we
able to facilitate what you're asking us for?
And are we able to do it with absolute confidence?
When that all comes together, then we'll offer
a membership. But if we don't feel good about
it, you know, honestly, we do refer. potential
clients to other matchmakers. You know, if I
know somebody really just wants a Hasidic Jew
and that's, well, we may not be as well equipped
as somebody that just works with Jewish clients.
Or on another front, you know, if somebody is
looking for, you know, a very sports -minded
person and we know, like, oh, we know a matchmaker
in your neck of the woods that's local. Because
they're not looking for somebody all over the
country. They want somebody specifically in Boston
or specifically in Texas. So we try to be mindful
of, like, are we the best ones to do this? And
if not, we're going to pass it along to the matchmakers
who are. So do you leverage technology to come
up with the matches? Or is it more the human
touch because you have a smaller client base?
Yeah, so that's a really good question. And I
love technology. I'm the first one to be on it.
I just went to an AI conference here locally
because I just find it fascinating. But in the
same token, I use technology where I feel it's
helpful. You cannot put people to paper. Somebody
on paper could sound amazing. And I'm sure you've
heard stories. Or even yourself, somebody's told
you about somebody and you're like, oh my God,
this is going to be a great date, right? Then
you go on the date and you're like, wow, this
is not fun. He's not as interesting as I thought.
I created this idea of him in my head. And yet
when we're in front of each other, it's landing
really flat. So when it comes to what we do,
instincts and experience are our best guide.
And that's what we go off of. So when we're telling
a client why we're going to move forward with
the day, it's not going to be because, oh, they
ski and they do this and they do that. It's going
to be when we met with him, this is what he said.
And it was so on target with what we were talking
about. So we're going to really delve into the
qualities that most people don't think about,
which are the things that bond us most. And no
computer, no algorithm is going to be able to
do that. Perhaps there's someone out there in
the audience today that is divorced or looking,
you know, for their next person. What advice
would you give to them? Well, I think you have
to actively be doing something to get good at
it. So my advice is like, put your toe in the
water, you know, let your friends know that you're
single and that you're ready to meet people.
You know, when you meet people out, you know,
let them know you're single. I think stating
it and I'm a firm believer of what you speak
is what becomes your existence. And I manifest
things all the time and I'm not a woo type person
at all, but I've just seen it work. What you
speak is what comes to you. So you want to do
that. And you know what? I don't think that going
on apps and everything is a bad thing. if you
can like do your due diligence and try to get
as much information about the person on the front
end look them up look at their social media you
know try to get a good feeling of who you're
meeting and then maybe meet them doing something
that you have in common so rather than going
out on a typical date that could be really awkward
for somebody just getting back into dating like
if you both like golf go call do you know do
a half a course I don't know I think that's 18
holes Or nine holes. I don't even know. I'm not
a golfer. Or go play pickleball or tennis. Or
just do an activity where you can go grab a drink
afterwards or something if it's going well. And
if it's not, you can kind of disengage without
feeling inappropriate. So I do have another question
for you. With your boutique or your firm, do
you also provide background checks? Because I'm
assuming that if someone just goes online or
uses just maybe an app, I don't know where the
background check, like how that works. You're
supposed to, you know, stranger danger, so to
speak. That's what you teach for teachers. You
know, like, does using a service like your firm
make it safer for a person rather than just randomly
swiping? Yeah, I mean. We do our due diligence.
We do run background checks. We do, you know,
we're checking your social media. We're looking
at all what's on, you know, my husband's a private
investigator. There's a lot of things you can
find out about people that are actually in public,
in the public domain. But it takes a little energy
and time and effort. But yeah, of course. And
you have to realize that these, most of the people
that we're connecting our clients to are working.
For companies, we can see their background. We
can check their history. And we'll know if they
have had any criminal backgrounds or liens or,
you know, it shows us all that. It's a public
data check. So, yeah, knock on wood, we haven't
had an issue at all. But again, most people that
are looking to deceive, they're usually not going
to want to work with us. Well, especially with
your husband being a private investigator, you
have double. That's wonderful. Well, where can
my audience find you online? So they can go to
SelectAidSociety .com. And that's the easiest
way to find us. Or we have a Facebook page. We're
on LinkedIn. We're on, you know, all the social
media. And you can reach out to us. There's an
inquiry form online. And even if you just want
to talk to us or want to just be a member in
our network to be considered for a match, you
can go in and go to the inquiry form, put your
information in, and just make us aware that you're
not looking for representation. You're just looking
to be, you know, in our network. Wonderful. So
what is your next step, Sandra? Or your next
milestone, not your next step, your next milestone.
Yeah, my next milestone is to get my book done.
I've been working on it for a couple of years.
I just need to get it done. It's one of those
things that you know it so well that it's not
as interesting to you as it would be to somebody
else. But I know that it really would help a
lot of people, especially people that haven't
dated in a long time. It's basically how to master
going on a first date and understanding where
the pitfalls are, where the things that could...
either enhance the date or throw it off the cliff
and how to avoid those situations and how to
keep from taking the little spark and fire that's
there and how to keep from dousing it with a
whole huge bucket of water because you go down
the wrong road of conversation. So it's just
a really quick guide of how to do it well so
that you can confidently walk into a first date
whether you've been dating for 10 years or you're
just getting back out there. Well, I look forward
to having you back once you're ready to launch
your book. Yeah, definitely. Thank you for joining
me today. Well, thanks, Jill. I appreciate it.
And thank you all for tuning in to another episode
of Milestone Moments in Business and Leadership.
Until next time.