Welcome to Milestone Moments, the show where we explore the journeys that lead to success.
I'm Sheila Slick, your host and founder of Five Milestones. In every episode, we will bring you
insights from the minds of entrepreneurs, leaders, and experts who will share not just their expertise
but the milestone moments that have reshaped their journeys and led to significant achievements.
So if you're looking for motivation, you're in the right place. Subscribe now and discover the
milestones that mark the path to success. Hi, everybody. Thank you for joining us today
in Milestone Moments in Business and Leadership. I'm Sheila Slick, your host. And today, my guest
is Leah Forney. She's a nine-time published author, a professional speaker, a visibility
activator, and a sexual assault thriver turned advocate and activist. Welcome to the show, Leah.
Thank you for having me, Sheila. Based on your impactful background and the objectives of your
podcast and your Save Me movement, I'd love for you to share with our audience the journey that
you went through from a sexual assault thriver to an advocate and founder of Save Me movement.
Could you share a little bit about that? Yeah, absolutely. So I was sexually assaulted January
27, 2013, a little over a decade ago. And it happened in my apartment in North Carolina. I
was new to the state of North Carolina. And how I came in contact with my perpetrator was he worked
at a car rental place. And so I had a little hootie and it happened to break down. And so I went to
find me a, wanted to rent me a car. And when I couldn't rent me a car, he offered to drive me
home. So he kind of learned where I live. Well, he asked me to go on one date. I went on that one
date. And, you know, sometimes you meet somebody and you're like, something about them just does
not sit right with you. And so after that one date, I decided that I just didn't want to see him
anymore. But he didn't like that. He felt rejected. And so he actually began to stalk me. I didn't
know he stalked me. So the part of North Carolina that I was in, you can pretty much get anywhere
in the city in like 10, 15 minutes. So it was almost like everywhere I would show up, I would
see him. And so the day that he raped me on January 27th, I actually was home in my apartment and I
had just got a phone call that a loved one had passed away. And soon as I hung up with that person
that called me, I ended up getting a call from him and he could tell that I was distraught and I was
upset. And so he kind of did this whole like, let me come over and check on you and comfort you type
thing. And against my better judgment, I said yes, but little did I know he was already sitting
outside my apartment. And so when he came in my house, what was supposed to be about comforting
actually turned into him telling me how he hated the fact that I rejected him and that he didn't
like that I rejected him. And so I kind of had this innate feeling that something was getting great
to happen. I wasn't 100% sure what it was, but something in my gut was saying, you need to get
this person out of here. Danger, danger. It was kind of the feeling I had. And so I kind of started
to try to see what I could say to get him to leave and he wouldn't leave. And so finally, when I
thought that he was getting up to leave is when he grabbed me and sexually assaulted me right in my
room. And so after the sexual assault happened and he left, I immediately showered. And I know now
that that's probably the worst thing you can do because at that point in time, your body becomes
like evidence, right? To crime labs and everything. But I just wanted to get the feeling of him,
his touch, his scent, all of that off of me. And so I did not immediately report. And the reason why
is because I'm a woman of color. And the first thing I thought was who's going to believe me?
And what actually helped me to report was my spiritual parents, my mom and dad. They encouraged
me to report because they did this type of work in the community at the time. And so it took me
about two days. I finally reported. And when I did, I had a male detective come to my home and he
asked me five to seven times, Sheila, was I absolutely sure that I was raped? Because I went
on one date with the guy. And again, that being berated, like I was in the wrong, heightened
heightened the feeling of like, I'm not going to be believed here. And so we proceeded to get him
to come to court for a restraining order. And my hope was to at least get a restraining order and
go about my business. But on the day of court, I had a male judge literally tell me that he thought
I was a woman scorned and that he did not believe I was raped. And so I was left with the pieces of
my life and left with this trauma while I got to watch the guy that raped me walk out of the
courtroom. And so I broke down and I never forget that it was a male sheriff that turned around and
threatened to lock me out if I didn't get it together while I'm watching this happen. So I
had to make a decision. I was like, what are you going to do? What are you going to do with the
pieces of your life? And so I ended up going to counseling at the local rape crisis center and
really work on my healing. It was through counseling that I found the strength to finally
start speaking up about it. And so I first started talking about it a year after my assault
in 2014 was the first time I talked about it, April, 2014, at a take back the night.
And so how saved me came into play was in February of 2018. I connected with a dear friend of mine,
Carmen, who has since passed away and she was a survivor as well. And we decided that we just
wanted to do something to like amplify voices of survivors. And so what we did originally
was we created some PSAs of just different survivors telling stories about their sexual
assault experience. And it just sparked this whole movement called save me. And so save me is an
acronym that stands for sexual assault advocacy for victims everywhere. And I'm happy to say that
I'm picking it back up. I kind of put it down for a little bit after Carmen died because her death
just like rocked me to my core. But I knew that in order to continue what we started and the legacy
that she left behind, I had to get back at it. And so save me is being rebirthed and revamped now.
And we're going to do bigger and better because it is our goal to really amplify the voices of
survivors and victims of survivors of sexual assault everywhere. And so that's kind of how
it got started. Thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry you experienced such a traumatic experience.
So you were able to heal and then a year later, find the strength to now become a public advocate
and find a way to help others. Yeah. Other than that, like, was there a turning point,
like something that just clicked in your head that said, you know, I'm done with the, you know,
the counseling and now I'm going to go out and make a difference and create this awareness,
you know, that just said I'm ready for it. Yeah. So I would say I started speaking up about it
a year after, but what really kicked it into high gear was actually in 2022, June of 2022,
that same police department who failed me the first time, they actually ended up calling me
and they called me because they had just now tested my rape kit nine years after I had been raped.
And so nine years, nine years. And when they called me, they were like, Hey, you know,
do you remember reporting a rape in 2013? You know, we tested your kid and there is DNA from
your perpetrator. What would you like to do? And when I got that call, I will be, I will be lying
if I said I wasn't shocked because I was totally like, what? But at the same time, it was kind of
this feeling of like, wait a minute, it took you nine years to do this. And what I discovered at
that time when I was having the phone call was that the laws in the state of North Carolina at
that time said that if you were raped by someone you knew, they didn't test the kit. And so as the
detective is explaining this to me, I said, well, that's stupid because statistically we know 53%
of sexual assaults that happen, the person knows their perpetrator. The same, the bogeyman that we
believe were the person that's in bushes. Like this is somebody you know. And so when I got that call,
I prayed, I'm a very spiritual person. I was kind of like, okay, God, what am I supposed to do with
this information? Cause if it took nine years for me, I could only imagine how many more people are
waiting. And so what I did was I started researching and I discovered that here in the United States of
America, we have a horrible backlog of untested rape kits. Over 225,000 people rape kits have not
been tested. And so I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine who advocates for gun violence
and she was like, Leah, start partnering some of the organizations that are already doing the work
because they're always missing the survivor's voice. And so I did that. I started reaching out
and one of the federal coalitions in my state of Maryland reached back and was like, absolutely.
Like, how can we work together? And so that's what led to the advocacy full time, because then I got
the opportunity to like train law enforcement and to speak at attorney general's conference and
really get them to understand that not only are we dealing with people who have been violated
through sexual trauma, but now we have this other violation because you have not tested their rape
kits. And so that was the turning point that getting that call in 2022 to kind of rent made me
be like, okay, we need to take this up a notch and really be that voice for those who don't have the
courage to say it yet. Yes. Nine years. I mean, it surprised me when you said it. I was like,
did I hear it correctly? Nine years. So you're a professional speaker. You're an expert trainer.
You dedicate yourself to educating others and advocating for survivors of sexual assault.
Can you discuss some of the most significant impacts that the save me movement has achieved
so far? Yeah. So I think the biggest thing is always just hearing from other survivors,
how my story impacts them. I'm blessed to be able to have shared so many stages from, like I said,
law enforcement, attorney general, women of color conferences. I actually just landed a keynote for
a college in New York city this upcoming April. And I love the fact that I get to show them
that there is life after sexual assault. I think oftentimes what I have found in my work is that a
lot of survivors feel stuck at the point of their trauma. And so when they see someone like me,
who's moved through their trauma and has made it on the other side and now has a save me movement
and is speaking out and advocating, it gives them hope. And that's what I want more than anything.
I want that every time people hear my story, that they walk away with some hope that there's life
after, that you don't have to be bound by your trauma. And in fact, that you can actually
get your power back. When I was sexually assaulted, January 27, 2013, that was three
days before my birthday. And so for a long time, I felt like I had this dark cloud. And so what I
ended up doing was taking that day and reclaiming it. And now I call it my rebirth day. And so it
kicks off my birthday week. And so that's what I want survivors to do is figure out a way to
reclaim your power and understand that you can redefine your sexual trauma. It does not have to
define you. And so that's some of the things that I would say Save Me has done and I've done that
are just mirroring their to my heart. So what are some of the key challenges someone like you
faces trying to make that difference being that advocate? How do you overcome the challenges as
well, so that you can continue making a difference? I think for me, the biggest challenge that I face
a lot of times, especially with working with law enforcement is getting them to change their
mindset around why it's important to validate a survivor's experience. So one of the things that
I push for all the time is the importance of an apology. And for law enforcement, it can be very
hard to do because they feel like they are apologizing for personal reasons. And I have
to get them to understand that I'm not asking you to make a personal apology. I'm asking you to
apologize on behalf of a system that failed these men and women, right? The fact that you have to
call them nine years later and say that we just tested your rape kit. The fact that you didn't
believe them in the beginning for whatever your biases or preconceived notions are. That is probably
the biggest challenge. I think the other challenges is we got laws on the books that need to change.
We have laws on the books that need to change. Here in the state of Maryland, I was blessed to
be able to help get some laws changed in April of last year for just being able to remove things
like marriage being a defense to a sex crime. For 75 plus years, that was a law in the state of
Maryland where if you were married and your husband or your spouse sexually assaulted you,
they could get away with it because they felt like you were married. Well, that's an antiquated law
because that tells me that we still think that people are property, right? And so that's a
challenge when you have to go to these states and you have to basically challenge their laws and be
like, why is that even still on the books? There are still some states that don't even have a
clearly defined consent law. So it's like they see sexual trauma as, oh, did they force you?
Well, if I just said no, whether there was force or not, it's still considered sexual assault. And
so those are some big challenges that I push for all the time is how do we change these laws? How
do we get law enforcement on board with, you have to acknowledge that there was a wrongdoing that
were done to these survivors that you have come in contact with. And so I would say that's the two
biggest ones. How I choose to overcome is being mindful that I'm doing this for the survivor.
So while I'm up against the politics and I'm up against the red tape, when it comes to this work,
my goal is to be the voice for the survivor. And so I keep that in the forefront of my mind,
even when it gets frustrating to remind myself that you're doing this for other survivors like
you who have yet to find the courage to tell their story. That empathy is key to being a great leader.
So thank you for sharing their voice. So if any of our listeners are survivors and they're
looking for ways to heal, to thrive, or looking for support, or looking to contribute to this cause,
what advice can you offer? Yeah. So I always tell people who want to get into this type of work,
one, make sure you do your own healing, right? So go to counseling. I'm big on counseling.
For those who have a faith in a higher power, like I always tell people you don't have to choose.
I'm a Christian. I believe in God. And I always tell people I've never felt like I had to choose
between therapy and my belief in God. I feel like they go hand in hand, but I also was
to highlight the importance of doing your own inner work and making sure you're ready. Because
one thing about sexual assault, especially as an advocate, is that you're going to be hearing these
stories and they can become triggering. And so you want to make sure that you've done the work on the
inside to be able to stand and hear these testimonies and these stories and not be retraumatized.
I would also say have a good self-care regimen. Take care of you. And you know, I do this full time
and sometimes I have like what I like to call do nothing days, where I just unplug. Like don't call
me, don't text me, don't nothing. I just need to decompress because it's a lot. So definitely have
a self-care regimen. And if you really want to get into advocacy, start partnering with the
organizations that are local to you. Like reach out and tell them, hey, I'm a survivor. That's
exactly what I did. I was like, hey, I'm a survivor. Would love an opportunity to meet with you and see
how we can do this together. That is what's missing from the work that they're doing, because we have
all the statistics. We can talk about it from a political perspective, but very rarely do they get
survivors who are healed enough to be like, how can I work with you? How can I partner with you?
So those are like the three things that I would say here and say is like get involved on your
local level, your state level, the community, and don't be afraid to like share your story.
Because what I have found is that every time I tell my story, somebody else gets permission to
tell theirs and they get encouraged to tell theirs. And that's what matters to me is once the
libraries reach out and say, thank you. Thank you for saying that because that's me.
And thank you for sharing your story here, because I believe that sometimes it just, you know, takes
one person to make, you know, that difference or to motivate you to push you out of that comfort
zone to be able to take that next step. So if we're able to help today, just, you know, one person
that may be a victim of this or looking, you know, for their inner voice to become an advocate, to
make that difference. And I think, you know, we did a good deed here today. So you shared five
actionable steps to support survivors, lighting the way, listening without judgment, educating
ourselves, offering practical support, encourage professional help, and respect boundaries. We can
help anyone with PTSD or with a trauma with those five actionable steps.
Yeah, yeah, especially I think, especially to the listening without judgment. And I say that because
people want to be able to share that they've been through something, but their biggest fear is not
being believed or being judged. Right. So I think it's very important that we create safe spaces
physically, but also we are emotionally safe spaces for people. Now, one of the things I will say,
and I'll add to that is, it's going to be important when supporting survivors that you assess your own
capacity, right? Because again, you're dealing with somebody's trauma. And so you want to make sure
that you are equipped to handle it. And so if you know that you're someone that may not be the type
that can listen without judgment, or maybe you struggle to support, that's okay. But it's
important to be honest about that. Because the last thing you want is a survivor of sexual assault
or any trauma to open up to you about what they're experiencing and not get the support that they're
looking for. So those are some great ways to start supporting, but also definitely being mindful of
your own capacity and whether or not you are that person that can support them. So my show is called
milestone moments. What is your next milestone? Oh my God, that is such a good question. You know what,
I am open to the way God wants to move in my life in this season. I think if I could pick
something that's the next milestone, I'm getting ready to film my first documentary on childhood
sexual abuse. Whoa. Yeah. And so that is happening in April of this year. And so I'm super excited
about it because again, this is what I hoped for is that I get to create platforms and get to create
a space where we start to have the conversation. And that's really what I want more than anything
is not just to encourage and survivors, but to really create a space where we can just have the
conversation and stop hiding behind what so many of us are dealing with. So how can we follow that
journey and where can we find you? Yeah. So you can find me on social media. I'm on all the platforms
as Leah M Forney. I would definitely say follow me on social media so you can follow that journey.
I post tons of content so they will be able to see me doing behind the scenes and all that.
And it is our hope to get this film out this year and do some screenings. So definitely
social media will be where I announce it first. You can always email me at info at Leah M Forney.com.
I'm sure I'll put something on the website as well once it's out, but yeah, I'm super excited to film
it. And I'm excited for the six courageous men and women survivors who are going to tell their story.
Before I let you go, what one piece of advice we've gone through a lot today,
would you like to leave our audience with so that they take action?
Yeah. So I think my piece of advice that I want to leave some of your audience with is something
that I live by and that is whatever it is that you're called to do in this life, do it afraid.
I think a lot of times we let fear stop us. And I tell people all the time, I'm fearful or I'm
nervous to do a lot of the things that I do. But it's something about doing it scared that shows
you that you have everything in you to be as successful as you want to be in this lifetime.
So don't let fear stop you. Don't let doubt stop you. Like whatever it is that you desire to do,
do it and do it with the fear. Thank you so much for being on our show. This has been a very
insightful conversation. And once again, I hope that by sharing your message, we're able to help
at least one person out there. Thank you for having me Sheila.