WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.580 Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, 00:00:01.700 --> 00:00:04.059 everybody, and welcome to today's episode of 00:00:04.059 --> 00:00:07.540 the NeverPeak Project Podcast. Most of us work 00:00:07.540 --> 00:00:10.140 hard to get past our pain. But what if getting 00:00:10.140 --> 00:00:13.179 past it wasn't the point? Today's guest knows 00:00:13.179 --> 00:00:16.160 that relief is just the first step. Dr. Charles 00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:18.579 A. Castillo is a retired army officer who served 00:00:18.579 --> 00:00:21.260 over two decades in the U .S. military. He's 00:00:21.260 --> 00:00:23.780 also a mental health clinician, certified international 00:00:23.780 --> 00:00:26.679 life coach and decorated disabled veteran. Charles 00:00:26.679 --> 00:00:28.699 grew up in Belize, immigrated to Brooklyn as 00:00:28.699 --> 00:00:31.039 a child and went on to earn his doctorate in 00:00:31.039 --> 00:00:33.939 psychology. After decades of service and personal 00:00:33.939 --> 00:00:36.920 trials, he has dedicated his entire life. to 00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:39.259 helping others build resilience instead of chasing 00:00:39.259 --> 00:00:42.140 just one single peak. He founded Mental Resilience 00:00:42.140 --> 00:00:44.439 Counseling, which is currently offering culturally 00:00:44.439 --> 00:00:47.359 aware therapy and resilience life coaching. His 00:00:47.359 --> 00:00:49.679 approach blends mindfulness, cognitive, behavioral, 00:00:49.840 --> 00:00:52.799 and dialectical behavior therapy, and he emphasizes 00:00:52.799 --> 00:00:55.659 giving clients tools that they can use long after 00:00:55.659 --> 00:00:58.000 therapy is over. He's the author of multiple 00:00:58.000 --> 00:01:00.719 books, including The Resilient Mind, which uses 00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:03.119 research -backed strategies and real -life stories 00:01:03.119 --> 00:01:06.480 to help readers master the mind -body connection. 00:01:06.659 --> 00:01:08.319 In a world where many of us believe there's only 00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:11.120 one pinnacle of success, Dr. Castillo challenges 00:01:11.120 --> 00:01:14.219 us to see healing as an ongoing process, a way 00:01:14.219 --> 00:01:16.819 to rise, rebuild, and thrive beyond the pain. 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:18.739 So whether you're an entrepreneur, a nonprofit 00:01:18.739 --> 00:01:21.280 leader, or simply someone trying to stay afloat. 00:01:21.359 --> 00:01:24.140 His wisdom has something for you. Dr. Cristio, 00:01:24.219 --> 00:01:25.879 thank you so much for joining us today. Thank 00:01:25.879 --> 00:01:28.239 you, Ranger. Thank you for having me. It's an 00:01:28.239 --> 00:01:30.959 honor. I'm blessed to be here, and I hope to 00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:34.019 share a little bit of knowledge with your guests 00:01:34.019 --> 00:01:36.299 and your audience. Awesome. I appreciate it. 00:01:36.299 --> 00:01:38.299 No, I'm so excited. I've been waiting to chat 00:01:38.299 --> 00:01:40.480 with you on the pod for quite a while. Could 00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:42.500 you just tell me and the listeners a little bit 00:01:42.500 --> 00:01:45.500 more about you, who you are, and what you aim 00:01:45.500 --> 00:01:47.540 to accomplish in this life? All right. I appreciate 00:01:47.540 --> 00:01:50.959 it. So again, thank you for that. great introduction. 00:01:51.260 --> 00:01:53.079 It makes me feel like, man, I have to know those 00:01:53.079 --> 00:01:55.859 things. I'm blessed to have the opportunity to 00:01:55.859 --> 00:01:58.560 learn from experiences each and every one of 00:01:58.560 --> 00:02:03.319 us has. I'm a native of Belize. I'm from the 00:02:03.319 --> 00:02:06.739 Garifuna culture, and I use those things that 00:02:06.739 --> 00:02:09.500 are in it that I'm blessed to be as part of that 00:02:09.500 --> 00:02:12.060 culture to help me strive and get through some 00:02:12.060 --> 00:02:14.840 of the hard times that I've had to endure through 00:02:14.840 --> 00:02:17.099 my life. And now I'm just trying to give back 00:02:17.099 --> 00:02:20.560 and share some of these life lessons and my two 00:02:20.560 --> 00:02:23.580 tenets that I really promote in my sessions and 00:02:23.580 --> 00:02:26.620 in my consultation is resilience and hope. More 00:02:26.620 --> 00:02:30.080 so hope because as you know, being a veteran. 00:02:30.330 --> 00:02:34.210 Like in other communities, like suicide is very 00:02:34.210 --> 00:02:36.009 high. And one of the things that I've learned 00:02:36.009 --> 00:02:38.250 from doing, being a counselor and doing some 00:02:38.250 --> 00:02:39.990 of the things that I'm blessed to do is that 00:02:39.990 --> 00:02:43.370 the one key factor that's been said over and 00:02:43.370 --> 00:02:45.610 over is when somebody don't have hope, they're 00:02:45.610 --> 00:02:48.009 very vulnerable and they take that last step. 00:02:48.509 --> 00:02:51.509 So hoping to offer hope to others and teach them 00:02:51.509 --> 00:02:54.349 to be resilient. That is what I'm trying to do. 00:02:54.550 --> 00:02:57.659 I'm a father of three. They give me hope. and 00:02:57.659 --> 00:03:00.419 they make me resilient. You know, I'm proud to 00:03:00.419 --> 00:03:04.860 be a husband of 21 years going on 22. And these 00:03:04.860 --> 00:03:07.199 are just things that I hold on to. And I try 00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:10.560 to give back so that when I have this opportunity 00:03:10.560 --> 00:03:13.500 that you've given me to talk about whatever it 00:03:13.500 --> 00:03:15.759 is we get to talk about resilience and hope that 00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:18.000 I'm able to share and connect with those that 00:03:18.000 --> 00:03:20.099 are blessed to listen to your program. Yeah, 00:03:20.120 --> 00:03:21.939 I think that's beautifully put. I think that. 00:03:22.169 --> 00:03:23.870 One, the big thing that I kind of want to like 00:03:23.870 --> 00:03:26.669 echo back and like reflect is just that whole 00:03:26.669 --> 00:03:29.229 idea of we go through hard things. Like I can 00:03:29.229 --> 00:03:31.469 only imagine how difficult it was immigrating 00:03:31.469 --> 00:03:33.689 to the U .S. as such a young AIDS, being a veteran, 00:03:33.870 --> 00:03:34.870 going through everything else that you've been 00:03:34.870 --> 00:03:37.689 through. But then also there was that piece of 00:03:37.689 --> 00:03:40.949 sharing that story in a way that still resonates 00:03:40.949 --> 00:03:43.810 and impacts others. And I'm just curious, like 00:03:43.810 --> 00:03:46.870 when it comes to immigrating and being in the 00:03:46.870 --> 00:03:49.310 military, thank you for your service again. Like 00:03:49.310 --> 00:03:51.949 what about sharing that story is so impactful 00:03:51.949 --> 00:03:54.250 that you have personally seen? I think what's 00:03:54.250 --> 00:03:56.569 important about sharing the story is that I'm 00:03:56.569 --> 00:04:00.169 no different from you than anybody else that 00:04:00.169 --> 00:04:03.189 go through this thing here called life and have 00:04:03.189 --> 00:04:05.810 to navigate through the storms that we have to 00:04:05.810 --> 00:04:07.990 navigate. But I think the foundation that we 00:04:07.990 --> 00:04:10.870 all come from plays a role and a vital role in 00:04:10.870 --> 00:04:13.050 how we do the things that we do and how we get 00:04:13.050 --> 00:04:15.659 through. the things that we get through. So I 00:04:15.659 --> 00:04:17.920 was young when I when I migrated to the United 00:04:17.920 --> 00:04:21.420 States, so I don't really know like what it took. 00:04:21.540 --> 00:04:24.160 But I'm sure I was probably sad. Right. Maybe 00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:26.160 that's why I do some of the things that I do, 00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:28.720 because as a therapist, I understand the subconscious 00:04:28.720 --> 00:04:31.199 and how it works. But yeah, definitely being 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:34.379 able to just put our experience to to help us 00:04:34.379 --> 00:04:37.180 to inspire us to do better. That's what it's 00:04:37.180 --> 00:04:39.240 all about. And I'm hoping that. If there's a 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:41.660 message that I can share is no matter where you 00:04:41.660 --> 00:04:43.860 have been in your life, I'm sure you've been 00:04:43.860 --> 00:04:45.920 through tough moments. That means that you're 00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:48.819 resilient. And sometimes we don't need to be 00:04:48.819 --> 00:04:51.240 taught resilience. We just need to be reminded. 00:04:51.540 --> 00:04:53.439 No, I like that, too, that it's not necessarily 00:04:53.439 --> 00:04:56.379 I mean, because I can easily say, wow, like Charles 00:04:56.379 --> 00:04:58.560 been through way more than I have like this or 00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:01.350 that. Right. But there there are these. parallels 00:05:01.350 --> 00:05:04.550 and intersections in everybody's story, despite 00:05:04.550 --> 00:05:08.649 whatever titles or background or experiences 00:05:08.649 --> 00:05:11.490 it is that we actually went through. Yes. Yes, 00:05:11.730 --> 00:05:14.509 definitely. And so, you know, it's so people 00:05:14.509 --> 00:05:17.430 say you're the expert in resilience. And I have 00:05:17.430 --> 00:05:20.029 to remind people that and the people that I'm 00:05:20.029 --> 00:05:22.029 blessed to talk to and the blessed that I'm blessed 00:05:22.029 --> 00:05:25.170 to work with is, yes, I'm only an expert in resilience, 00:05:25.370 --> 00:05:27.720 resilience on me. you're the expert in resilience 00:05:27.720 --> 00:05:30.560 of you. But if through a conversation, we can 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:33.920 learn to be even more resilient from the experience 00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:36.220 and the different experiences that we share, 00:05:36.519 --> 00:05:39.279 right? Too often we look at what divide is, but 00:05:39.279 --> 00:05:41.800 there's more that unite us than divide us. So 00:05:41.800 --> 00:05:44.939 for me, as somebody who's considered an expert 00:05:44.939 --> 00:05:47.860 in resilience, I consider, what can I learn from 00:05:47.860 --> 00:05:50.879 you from what you went through to get you past 00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:53.620 what you went through and what I can share so 00:05:53.620 --> 00:05:56.769 that now I'm not considered the expert? I'm like 00:05:56.769 --> 00:05:59.209 you and we're sharing and then that helps us 00:05:59.209 --> 00:06:02.209 grow as individuals. No, I love that. And I think 00:06:02.209 --> 00:06:04.310 moving into the next the next few questions that 00:06:04.310 --> 00:06:07.829 I have when we do keep saying the words resilience 00:06:07.829 --> 00:06:10.050 and hope. And I'm curious, like, do you have 00:06:10.050 --> 00:06:12.910 your own definition of those two words? It sounds 00:06:12.910 --> 00:06:15.750 like it's pretty pivotal to your approach and 00:06:15.750 --> 00:06:17.089 everything that you talk about. So like, how 00:06:17.089 --> 00:06:20.709 would you define resilience and hope in relation 00:06:20.709 --> 00:06:23.370 to each other? OK, so let's start with the resilience. 00:06:23.790 --> 00:06:27.029 So resilience. Yeah, I did my dissertation in 00:06:27.029 --> 00:06:30.329 resilience, and that's what I wrote a book on. 00:06:30.610 --> 00:06:33.009 But what I've learned over the years is that 00:06:33.009 --> 00:06:34.889 resilience means different things to different 00:06:34.889 --> 00:06:38.509 people. And for me, when I first started studying 00:06:38.509 --> 00:06:40.670 resilience, it's about bouncing back, right? 00:06:40.970 --> 00:06:43.949 But from going, having the opportunities, to 00:06:43.949 --> 00:06:45.829 having the opportunity to work with people, to 00:06:45.829 --> 00:06:48.850 do seminars, to do training, I've reshaped my 00:06:48.850 --> 00:06:51.089 definition based on the conversations that I've 00:06:51.089 --> 00:06:53.829 had with others who I was blessed to work with. 00:06:54.540 --> 00:06:57.379 The best way I can say what resilience is, is 00:06:57.379 --> 00:07:00.319 from a few months ago when I went to do a seminar, 00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:04.639 a gentleman explained it this way. It's continuing 00:07:04.639 --> 00:07:08.819 in spite of, right? So to me, in this moment, 00:07:08.939 --> 00:07:11.560 that's what sticks with me. That it's not that 00:07:11.560 --> 00:07:13.379 you don't go through obstacles and you don't 00:07:13.379 --> 00:07:16.860 go through trials and tribulation, but it's finding 00:07:16.860 --> 00:07:20.920 that courage and that energy to continue to get 00:07:20.920 --> 00:07:24.000 through it, to get from this moment to the next 00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:27.009 moment. which then links to the hope, right? 00:07:27.129 --> 00:07:30.750 When you have something to hold on to, that can 00:07:30.750 --> 00:07:32.870 help you get out of the storm or that can help 00:07:32.870 --> 00:07:35.709 you withstand the storm that you currently find 00:07:35.709 --> 00:07:39.269 yourself in. So hope, the way that I've learned 00:07:39.269 --> 00:07:43.709 to connect resilience and hope is the hope teaches 00:07:43.709 --> 00:07:48.009 you how, my dad, the resilience teaches you how, 00:07:48.250 --> 00:07:51.470 but the hope teaches you why. Why do I need to 00:07:51.470 --> 00:07:54.639 get through this moment? And for me, my family, 00:07:54.920 --> 00:07:58.620 my children are what gets me through whatever 00:07:58.620 --> 00:08:00.959 it is. So when I was deployed, like I said, I 00:08:00.959 --> 00:08:03.379 have to get back to my family, right? That was 00:08:03.379 --> 00:08:06.180 my why, right? So I read a lot of books. Simon 00:08:06.180 --> 00:08:09.459 Sinek start with why. So once you find your why 00:08:09.459 --> 00:08:12.079 and what I've learned about the why when it comes 00:08:12.079 --> 00:08:15.220 to, again, hope, when you make your why greater 00:08:15.220 --> 00:08:18.600 than yourself, that is what can help us get through 00:08:18.600 --> 00:08:21.310 whatever storm. that we find ourselves in. So 00:08:21.310 --> 00:08:22.750 when it comes to, like, you just kind of brought 00:08:22.750 --> 00:08:24.850 in the idea, like, your military service and 00:08:24.850 --> 00:08:27.250 how your family was your big why. Was that what 00:08:27.250 --> 00:08:30.250 you held on to? I guess, like, what made you 00:08:30.250 --> 00:08:32.649 realize that that was your why? Was it the textbook 00:08:32.649 --> 00:08:35.169 learning of what that means or was it just in 00:08:35.169 --> 00:08:37.629 that moment you just knew that that's what you 00:08:37.629 --> 00:08:39.730 needed to hold on to? Does that kind of make 00:08:39.730 --> 00:08:42.409 sense? Yes, it makes sense. It was in that moment 00:08:42.409 --> 00:08:45.799 because I read it. start with bye after, right? 00:08:45.899 --> 00:08:48.879 And so now it made sense to be like, oh, so that 00:08:48.879 --> 00:08:51.919 was my why. So when I was facing certain things 00:08:51.919 --> 00:08:54.019 and when I went through certain things, I was 00:08:54.019 --> 00:08:56.480 like, I'm not giving up. I have to get back to 00:08:56.480 --> 00:08:59.500 my family. That just continued to motivate me. 00:08:59.519 --> 00:09:03.179 And even from my basic training days is I just 00:09:03.179 --> 00:09:04.740 said, oh, I'm going to continue to go. I'm going 00:09:04.740 --> 00:09:06.460 to continue to go. I'm going to continue. I'm 00:09:06.460 --> 00:09:09.220 going to continue to push until I get to whatever 00:09:09.220 --> 00:09:11.940 objective I needed to get completed. And so. 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:15.080 But later on, as I read different books, they 00:09:15.080 --> 00:09:17.480 kind of come together and say, OK, so that's 00:09:17.480 --> 00:09:19.879 what that was. Right. No, that's beautiful. And 00:09:19.879 --> 00:09:23.539 I the very kind of a similar and that similar 00:09:23.539 --> 00:09:25.840 thread. So, of course, I wasn't in the military 00:09:25.840 --> 00:09:27.580 or anything. I don't have that kind of experience. 00:09:27.799 --> 00:09:30.820 But on my walk across America last year, I was 00:09:30.820 --> 00:09:34.440 spending almost about a year and months prepping 00:09:34.440 --> 00:09:36.419 and planning for my walk across the country. 00:09:36.539 --> 00:09:38.679 And when I finally talked to somebody that I 00:09:38.679 --> 00:09:41.159 actually done it. I asked them the very basic 00:09:41.159 --> 00:09:43.360 questions like what shoes, what equipment, what 00:09:43.360 --> 00:09:45.220 gear, how did you find a place to sleep? And 00:09:45.220 --> 00:09:47.460 then at the very end, I asked them, was there 00:09:47.460 --> 00:09:49.519 anything that I didn't ask you that I should 00:09:49.519 --> 00:09:52.840 have? And they said, yeah. But I'm going to ask 00:09:52.840 --> 00:09:55.100 you, why are you walking? I was like, what do 00:09:55.100 --> 00:09:56.620 you mean? Why am I walking? I feel like it's 00:09:56.620 --> 00:09:58.379 just like a thing to do. And they were like, 00:09:58.539 --> 00:10:02.049 no, if you don't have a solid why. How are you 00:10:02.049 --> 00:10:04.210 going to get past the hard days when the gear 00:10:04.210 --> 00:10:06.669 fails, when you don't find a place to sleep, 00:10:06.750 --> 00:10:09.029 when you do have an injury? Like, how are you 00:10:09.029 --> 00:10:11.769 going to maintain moving forward with like what 00:10:11.769 --> 00:10:14.789 you're just saying that higher purpose than yourself? 00:10:14.789 --> 00:10:16.509 And I just thought that that was like a wow. 00:10:16.769 --> 00:10:19.629 I am so glad that I had someone tell me that 00:10:19.629 --> 00:10:22.350 beforehand because I didn't really have that 00:10:22.350 --> 00:10:24.549 creative a why before I started. And I think 00:10:24.549 --> 00:10:26.629 that that is kind of what you're saying is figure 00:10:26.629 --> 00:10:29.190 out what your why is either before or you'll 00:10:29.190 --> 00:10:32.210 find out during. but that's what keeps you moving 00:10:32.210 --> 00:10:34.970 forward and staying resilient. Right, right. 00:10:35.309 --> 00:10:37.490 Definitely. So how would you say people can find 00:10:37.490 --> 00:10:40.610 out what their why is? Is there the super secret 00:10:40.610 --> 00:10:43.509 special equation or is it kind of just a feeling? 00:10:43.649 --> 00:10:46.210 So I would say the way you find out is for you 00:10:46.210 --> 00:10:48.629 to be honest with yourself, for you to continue 00:10:48.629 --> 00:10:51.970 to do a self -assessment and self -reflection, 00:10:52.370 --> 00:10:55.570 right? Because only through those things that 00:10:55.570 --> 00:10:58.529 you do, that's when you really start finding 00:10:58.529 --> 00:11:02.350 out. Like, what's important to me? Not only what's 00:11:02.350 --> 00:11:04.309 important to me, but why is it important to me? 00:11:04.610 --> 00:11:07.149 So it's an individual thing. Some people it may 00:11:07.149 --> 00:11:10.350 take longer than others based on the experience. 00:11:10.649 --> 00:11:12.610 But I still think that they need to go ahead 00:11:12.610 --> 00:11:15.990 and ask themselves and be honest. Right. I joke 00:11:15.990 --> 00:11:18.590 around with my clients and my family and my friends 00:11:18.590 --> 00:11:20.990 when I tell them, you know, that that phrase 00:11:20.990 --> 00:11:23.850 where it says, don't let me get in character, 00:11:24.190 --> 00:11:26.389 but don't let me get out of character. Right. 00:11:26.590 --> 00:11:29.970 I say you you should say Don't let me get in 00:11:29.970 --> 00:11:32.570 character because nine out of 10 times we're 00:11:32.570 --> 00:11:35.870 wearing masks that we expect people want to see. 00:11:36.289 --> 00:11:40.070 And so we're wearing masks that others expect 00:11:40.070 --> 00:11:42.549 of us, but we're not really wearing the mask 00:11:42.549 --> 00:11:45.850 that is truly who we are. So when I say, don't 00:11:45.850 --> 00:11:48.210 let me get in character, that means don't let 00:11:48.210 --> 00:11:50.350 me take off all these fake masks and get into 00:11:50.350 --> 00:11:53.730 who I truly am, the authentic me. And I bring 00:11:53.730 --> 00:11:56.529 that up because people need to find out who they 00:11:56.529 --> 00:11:58.879 are. and we all have the good, the bad, the ugly 00:11:58.879 --> 00:12:01.720 in us. Be honest about it, right? Be honest, 00:12:01.799 --> 00:12:03.940 because we're not perfect, right? I say, don't 00:12:03.940 --> 00:12:06.700 go, don't strive for perfection, strive for great. 00:12:06.980 --> 00:12:09.919 You can be great without being perfect. And that's 00:12:09.919 --> 00:12:12.539 what you have to do in order for you to get to 00:12:12.539 --> 00:12:15.659 your why and answer these questions as honestly, 00:12:15.899 --> 00:12:18.700 as genuinely as possible. And that will help 00:12:18.700 --> 00:12:22.299 you to get through any moment that you find yourself. 00:12:22.620 --> 00:12:25.519 And again, like I said, what may be at the time, 00:12:25.860 --> 00:12:29.029 the storm. Oh, I love that. It's just remembering. 00:12:29.450 --> 00:12:31.470 I like what you said there. The you can be great 00:12:31.470 --> 00:12:33.110 without being perfect, because I think that takes 00:12:33.110 --> 00:12:35.769 the pressure off to like we're not here to take 00:12:35.769 --> 00:12:38.330 a perfect next step. We're here to take the next 00:12:38.330 --> 00:12:41.330 step towards where it is that we are actually 00:12:41.330 --> 00:12:44.669 going. It's beautiful. OK, so the other thing 00:12:44.669 --> 00:12:47.610 that I was I was curious about now is it sounds 00:12:47.610 --> 00:12:51.679 like you had almost like a. like a crash course 00:12:51.679 --> 00:12:55.539 before you started studying resilience and hope. 00:12:55.940 --> 00:12:58.299 With your service in the military, again, I'm 00:12:58.299 --> 00:12:59.879 kind of leaning on the immigration thing. My 00:12:59.879 --> 00:13:03.580 father immigrated from Poland. I know how insane 00:13:03.580 --> 00:13:09.120 that could be for a family. But during your education, 00:13:09.379 --> 00:13:11.360 as you're going to school, getting your doctorate, 00:13:11.399 --> 00:13:13.639 et cetera, what did you learn about yourself 00:13:13.639 --> 00:13:15.799 and what pieces were you able to put together? 00:13:16.319 --> 00:13:18.779 years after the fact. The biggest thing that 00:13:18.779 --> 00:13:22.259 I learned about myself during that time was stop 00:13:22.259 --> 00:13:25.080 believing in yourself, right? Because coming 00:13:25.080 --> 00:13:28.059 up, I had doubts, just like a lot of people have 00:13:28.059 --> 00:13:30.559 self -doubt. And so one of the things I had to 00:13:30.559 --> 00:13:33.659 retrain myself and reteach myself, or even teach 00:13:33.659 --> 00:13:36.559 myself, is that, look, you're going to fall. 00:13:36.940 --> 00:13:39.700 Guess what? You fell before. It's not how many 00:13:39.700 --> 00:13:42.000 times you fall. It's how many times you find 00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:44.909 the strength to get back up. And so I learned 00:13:44.909 --> 00:13:47.809 these different things and I started just paying 00:13:47.809 --> 00:13:50.950 attention. And again, I really have to say reading 00:13:50.950 --> 00:13:53.389 has really made a big difference. Do you want 00:13:53.389 --> 00:13:56.250 to say knowledge is power? Because I think of 00:13:56.250 --> 00:13:59.269 my great grandparents and my great, great grandparents. 00:13:59.629 --> 00:14:01.929 A lot of them were great psychologists, but they 00:14:01.929 --> 00:14:04.570 weren't cool psychologists, right? They just 00:14:04.570 --> 00:14:07.450 learn. And this is what the answer to your question 00:14:07.450 --> 00:14:11.529 is experience, right? We learn from our experience 00:14:11.529 --> 00:14:14.600 and our experiences. And that helps shapes us 00:14:14.600 --> 00:14:18.460 into who we become only if we allow it to shape 00:14:18.460 --> 00:14:22.399 us, right? Like I don't believe in mistakes unless 00:14:22.399 --> 00:14:25.740 you didn't learn from them. Mistakes are meant 00:14:25.740 --> 00:14:28.580 to be lessons. Once you learn those lessons, 00:14:29.019 --> 00:14:32.120 now that mistake may be preparing you for something 00:14:32.120 --> 00:14:34.750 bigger to come. Yeah, I think that that's something 00:14:34.750 --> 00:14:37.230 I'm curious about in your own work also with 00:14:37.230 --> 00:14:38.850 your clients, but that has something that I have 00:14:38.850 --> 00:14:42.029 noticed as a general concept, right? Is that 00:14:42.029 --> 00:14:45.610 it feels like failure is finite or final and 00:14:45.610 --> 00:14:48.190 it's really not. It's just the first or next 00:14:48.190 --> 00:14:50.840 step in learning, right? Like what is it? Oh 00:14:50.840 --> 00:14:52.860 my gosh, what is his name? He's not on shark 00:14:52.860 --> 00:14:54.840 tank, but he's another business guru. It's kind 00:14:54.840 --> 00:14:56.879 of just like, it's just, it's just a numbers 00:14:56.879 --> 00:14:58.879 game. Like, uh, I think he did the billionaire 00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:01.299 challenge, like where he had nothing and was 00:15:01.299 --> 00:15:03.080 like, who has my money? Who's the next person? 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:05.759 Who do I have to talk to next? Like every shut 00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:09.179 door just means, okay, now I'm one step closer. 00:15:09.460 --> 00:15:11.460 The odds are greater that I'm going to get the 00:15:11.460 --> 00:15:15.980 right door on the next open. Right. Yeah. And 00:15:15.980 --> 00:15:19.720 when it comes to the work that you do, can you 00:15:19.720 --> 00:15:21.600 just. Explain a little bit more about what that 00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:23.480 looks like. If it's, you know, you're, you're 00:15:23.480 --> 00:15:26.539 coaching consulting therapy and what tools do 00:15:26.539 --> 00:15:28.899 you use to kind of help clients realize that 00:15:28.899 --> 00:15:31.460 they already had the resilience within them and 00:15:31.460 --> 00:15:35.080 help them figure out what their, their hope handhold 00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:37.159 is. I think it was goes back to stuff that I 00:15:37.159 --> 00:15:40.000 mentioned earlier, the assessment. So nine out 00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:42.620 of 10 times when I speak to a client just from 00:15:42.620 --> 00:15:45.039 listening to them during the assessment phase, 00:15:45.220 --> 00:15:48.659 I caught me figure out what's going on. Right. 00:15:48.820 --> 00:15:51.350 But. It's not for me to tell them, it's for me 00:15:51.350 --> 00:15:54.049 to help them figure it out. So that again, when 00:15:54.049 --> 00:15:56.610 they go through something, maybe the same or 00:15:56.610 --> 00:15:59.649 maybe almost the same, the process will always 00:15:59.649 --> 00:16:02.429 be the process, will always be the process. So 00:16:02.429 --> 00:16:06.370 basically I take what I hear, I listen, and I 00:16:06.370 --> 00:16:09.370 listen not only to what's said, but the nonverbal 00:16:09.370 --> 00:16:11.750 of what's not being said. And so these are some 00:16:11.750 --> 00:16:14.350 of the things that I teach. Like the other day 00:16:14.350 --> 00:16:17.029 I had a new client and one of the things that 00:16:17.029 --> 00:16:20.460 I look for is congruence. or incongruence. And 00:16:20.460 --> 00:16:23.899 that's just a big word for alignment or misalignment. 00:16:24.259 --> 00:16:27.519 So give you an example. The person was smiling, 00:16:27.740 --> 00:16:30.519 right? So for me, probably a lot of people, you 00:16:30.519 --> 00:16:32.320 look at somebody smiling, you would think that 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:34.919 they're happy, right? But one of the things I've 00:16:34.919 --> 00:16:37.720 learned from being in this profession is the 00:16:37.720 --> 00:16:40.360 eyes don't lie. They were smiling, but their 00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:43.200 eyes were sad. To me, that's incongruence. And 00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:47.899 so for me, now I, at the beginning of a therapeutic 00:16:47.899 --> 00:16:50.919 relationship, you can't really challenge your 00:16:50.919 --> 00:16:52.919 client because you haven't built that trust and 00:16:52.919 --> 00:16:55.220 you haven't built that relationship. So I make 00:16:55.220 --> 00:16:57.460 sure I write it down so that when we do build 00:16:57.460 --> 00:16:59.779 that relationship and that trust, I can say, 00:16:59.899 --> 00:17:02.440 you know, day one, you were smiling, but your 00:17:02.440 --> 00:17:05.059 eyes were sad because what people need to understand 00:17:05.059 --> 00:17:08.539 is the eyes is the key to the soul. Right. And 00:17:08.539 --> 00:17:11.440 so I bring that up because one of the tools that 00:17:11.440 --> 00:17:14.339 I teach is journal. Right. And we hear journal, 00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:17.680 journal, journal. But I teach journal from your 00:17:17.799 --> 00:17:20.900 heart not your head and the clients they sometimes 00:17:20.900 --> 00:17:23.460 they don't get it until they get it because once 00:17:23.460 --> 00:17:25.759 you're because again we have the consciousness 00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:28.000 subconscious the consciousness of things that 00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:30.900 we're aware of and that's usually here what we're 00:17:30.900 --> 00:17:34.220 not aware of is in the heart so when you write 00:17:34.220 --> 00:17:37.019 from the heart things that you're feeling comes 00:17:37.019 --> 00:17:40.279 out and now you can say oh man i was sad because 00:17:40.279 --> 00:17:43.299 around this time last year i lost the buddy of 00:17:43.299 --> 00:17:45.960 mine right and so these are some of the and i 00:17:45.960 --> 00:17:48.720 and i try to make the tools as basic as possible 00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:51.440 so that you can remember. I teach my clients, 00:17:51.980 --> 00:17:54.599 they have a tool belt, right? See how carpenters 00:17:54.599 --> 00:17:57.319 have a tool belt, because they have the tools 00:17:57.319 --> 00:18:00.220 that they need access to right then and there, 00:18:00.359 --> 00:18:03.980 close by. And so over the time frame of our sessions, 00:18:04.400 --> 00:18:07.000 we learn tools that we put into, and I call it, 00:18:07.339 --> 00:18:10.460 no pun intended, the resiliency tool, right? 00:18:11.440 --> 00:18:13.910 So that you can have these resilience tool. when 00:18:13.910 --> 00:18:16.250 you need them and it may not be, you may not 00:18:16.250 --> 00:18:18.670 need this tool right now, but you know if you 00:18:18.670 --> 00:18:21.150 need it, it's there. So those are some of the 00:18:21.150 --> 00:18:24.430 basic things that I do in my therapy and also 00:18:24.430 --> 00:18:27.690 as a international resilience life coach, right? 00:18:27.910 --> 00:18:30.869 Again, it's about tools, tools, tools. So I think 00:18:30.869 --> 00:18:33.130 I hope that answered the question. Yeah, for 00:18:33.130 --> 00:18:34.829 sure. Well, I think that's kind of what I was 00:18:34.829 --> 00:18:37.109 getting like, and I think that you put it. beautifully, 00:18:38.210 --> 00:18:40.549 the toolkit, the tool belts, right? And I think 00:18:40.549 --> 00:18:43.049 that what is so beautiful about that is the simplicity 00:18:43.049 --> 00:18:45.349 of it. Like what I've also noticed is that a 00:18:45.349 --> 00:18:47.849 lot of people think that in order to make big 00:18:47.849 --> 00:18:51.509 changes or shift how they see things, it needs 00:18:51.509 --> 00:18:55.509 to be this huge, big concept or a word like neuro 00:18:55.509 --> 00:18:58.029 -linguistic programming and this and that's like, 00:18:58.369 --> 00:19:00.890 yeah, that is helpful. But really it's when it's 00:19:00.890 --> 00:19:03.690 the super basic concept that you can, when I 00:19:03.690 --> 00:19:06.049 think of a tool belt, I'm like, Like, you know, 00:19:06.130 --> 00:19:10.230 my hammer of hope, my, you know, my field notes 00:19:10.230 --> 00:19:12.829 notebook, right? Like, it's just very easy to 00:19:12.829 --> 00:19:16.230 think and call upon those tools when you're having 00:19:16.230 --> 00:19:20.170 those moments of wanting to give up or stop the 00:19:20.170 --> 00:19:23.690 project and move to something else or not continue 00:19:23.690 --> 00:19:26.990 on, right? That you need those things to focus 00:19:26.990 --> 00:19:31.069 up on what to do next. Yes, definitely. And so 00:19:31.069 --> 00:19:33.930 again, week after week after week, we just continue 00:19:33.930 --> 00:19:36.769 to build. are two, and you have the toolkit. 00:19:36.990 --> 00:19:39.529 But again, I try to make sure you also understand 00:19:39.529 --> 00:19:41.890 the importance of the tool belt, because it's 00:19:41.890 --> 00:19:44.170 right there when you need it. So I do grounding 00:19:44.170 --> 00:19:47.170 technique. I believe in, you mentioned, DBT, 00:19:47.390 --> 00:19:49.430 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. And they have 00:19:49.430 --> 00:19:51.750 a lot of tools that you can use. Mindfulness 00:19:51.750 --> 00:19:56.309 is one of the key elements of DBT. And so I teach 00:19:56.309 --> 00:19:58.890 that so that you can be grounded in the moment, 00:19:58.910 --> 00:20:02.259 right? So that whatever it is that's taking you 00:20:02.259 --> 00:20:04.640 or trying to take you somewhere, you are able 00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:07.960 to control that by being mindful and enjoying 00:20:07.960 --> 00:20:11.140 this moment for what it is. And it may be bad, 00:20:11.240 --> 00:20:13.759 but again, sometimes the things that you go through 00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:16.039 that are bad in this moment is preparing for 00:20:16.039 --> 00:20:18.200 something greater in the next moment. And this 00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:20.579 is some of the things that I teach the clients 00:20:20.579 --> 00:20:23.619 that I'm blessed to work with and also. I learned 00:20:23.619 --> 00:20:25.559 from them, right? Like I just gave you the example 00:20:25.559 --> 00:20:28.039 how, again, like resilience, when I was studying, 00:20:28.180 --> 00:20:30.539 resilience is about bouncing back, bouncing back, 00:20:30.539 --> 00:20:33.759 right? But again, when I talk to different people, 00:20:33.859 --> 00:20:37.480 to me, they simplify it again, right? Continuing 00:20:37.480 --> 00:20:41.019 in spite of, I mean, what better way to understand 00:20:41.019 --> 00:20:43.559 what resilience is? Yeah, it's not to say that 00:20:43.559 --> 00:20:46.039 you're not gonna go through it, but to continue. 00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:48.759 And then that's where that resilience and the 00:20:48.759 --> 00:20:52.160 hope come together and allow you to get through. 00:20:52.240 --> 00:20:54.319 whatever toughest moment you're going through 00:20:54.319 --> 00:20:57.400 in that moment. So there's journaling, there's 00:20:57.400 --> 00:21:00.119 deep breathing, and that's some of the tools 00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:02.200 that I have put in the resilient mind so that 00:21:02.200 --> 00:21:05.140 even if you're not able to work with me or another 00:21:05.140 --> 00:21:07.740 therapist and there's some tools in there that 00:21:07.740 --> 00:21:12.240 you can turn to. Volunteering. A lot of us love 00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:15.200 to give. And just by helping somebody, you will 00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:17.519 be surprised how that helps us. And we don't 00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:21.039 even think about it. But one thing I share with 00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:24.359 people that I'm blessed to speak to and to talk 00:21:24.359 --> 00:21:27.500 with. Just remember, you cannot pour from an 00:21:27.500 --> 00:21:30.440 empty cup. I just came back from Belize a couple 00:21:30.440 --> 00:21:33.099 of days ago. And again, in the flight, what they 00:21:33.099 --> 00:21:35.819 say, before you put on the child's mask, put 00:21:35.819 --> 00:21:39.180 on your mask, right? Because what good will it 00:21:39.180 --> 00:21:42.240 be if you try to put on the child's mask and 00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:44.319 then you fall out now, the child cannot have 00:21:44.319 --> 00:21:46.859 his mask on. So just basic things. And I try 00:21:46.859 --> 00:21:49.160 to make it relatable. And based on what you're 00:21:49.160 --> 00:21:51.849 doing, I told you the assessment is key. I don't 00:21:51.849 --> 00:21:54.049 know if I can say the agriculture, right? You 00:21:54.049 --> 00:21:56.069 might know a little bit about it. So what I try 00:21:56.069 --> 00:21:59.269 to do is I try to use whatever profession, because 00:21:59.269 --> 00:22:01.589 I try to find your passion. Because once you 00:22:01.589 --> 00:22:03.910 find out what somebody loves to do and you can 00:22:03.910 --> 00:22:05.950 make something relatable to them, they won't 00:22:05.950 --> 00:22:08.230 forget when they need it, right? And the biggest 00:22:08.230 --> 00:22:11.009 thing when it comes to these tools, the tools 00:22:11.009 --> 00:22:14.990 are amazing and they work. But I teach, practice 00:22:14.990 --> 00:22:17.410 the tools when you don't need them so that when 00:22:17.410 --> 00:22:19.839 you... need them, they automatically kicks in 00:22:19.839 --> 00:22:22.420 because you talked about it. I read atomic habits, 00:22:22.579 --> 00:22:25.359 right? And that's what it teaches you. It teaches 00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:27.980 you, hey, just do little things. So I had a problem 00:22:27.980 --> 00:22:30.380 with drinking water. It says, hey, put water 00:22:30.380 --> 00:22:32.819 in your office. So I have water, water at my 00:22:32.819 --> 00:22:35.960 desk. There you go. I have water by my bed. So 00:22:35.960 --> 00:22:38.039 I know I need to drink a certain amount of water. 00:22:38.359 --> 00:22:41.579 So if I'm passing by whatever area, I see water. 00:22:41.740 --> 00:22:43.630 Oh yeah, I need to drink water. So just these 00:22:43.630 --> 00:22:45.809 little things that sometimes, again, we got to 00:22:45.809 --> 00:22:48.369 do it so that we can it becomes a habit. Now 00:22:48.369 --> 00:22:50.390 we don't have to remember to do it. Like one 00:22:50.390 --> 00:22:52.930 of the things that we take for granted is breathing. 00:22:53.650 --> 00:22:55.769 But if you don't breathe, you might be in trouble. 00:22:55.910 --> 00:22:58.390 Right. But you see, it's automatic. And that's 00:22:58.390 --> 00:23:00.809 some of the things that I try to teach the clients 00:23:00.809 --> 00:23:03.369 and I try to teach those that are when I go do 00:23:03.369 --> 00:23:06.009 training and I go do seminars for them to remember. 00:23:06.069 --> 00:23:08.690 Keep the basic kiss. Right. Keep it simple. You 00:23:08.690 --> 00:23:10.940 know, whatever the. Whatever all the other words 00:23:10.940 --> 00:23:12.740 are. No, yeah. And I think that's great. And 00:23:12.740 --> 00:23:15.359 I think that the whole idea of, you know, setting 00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:19.140 yourself up for success in whatever habit you're 00:23:19.140 --> 00:23:21.680 trying to create or whatever habit you're trying 00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:24.519 to get rid of. Like my fiance and I were prepping 00:23:24.519 --> 00:23:26.960 for our wedding next year and we're trying to 00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:29.059 get in shape. It's like, well, we're not going 00:23:29.059 --> 00:23:30.839 to go and buy a bunch of candy and leave it in 00:23:30.839 --> 00:23:33.380 the cabinet. Right. Like we're going to put water 00:23:33.380 --> 00:23:36.039 or electrolyte mixes like in the fridge and easy 00:23:36.039 --> 00:23:38.160 access so that we can actually do those things. 00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:41.549 And When it comes to something else that I want 00:23:41.549 --> 00:23:43.769 to touch on before we get to the next phase of 00:23:43.769 --> 00:23:47.670 questions is the idea of putting yourself through 00:23:47.670 --> 00:23:50.869 hard times. I know that there is, so I'm in the 00:23:50.869 --> 00:23:53.150 middle of it also, but it's the 75 Hard Program 00:23:53.150 --> 00:23:56.190 by Andy Frisella. A lot of the other, I guess, 00:23:56.490 --> 00:23:59.049 mental toughness gurus kind of talk about that 00:23:59.049 --> 00:24:02.289 of doing hard things to train yourself so that 00:24:02.289 --> 00:24:05.339 when a, what is it, you, when you. put intentional 00:24:05.339 --> 00:24:08.200 hard things in front of you to get past. When 00:24:08.200 --> 00:24:10.720 the unintentional hard things come in front of 00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:12.859 you, they're easy to get past. Is that something 00:24:12.859 --> 00:24:15.259 that you also encourage your clients to do or 00:24:15.259 --> 00:24:17.720 people in general? Or how does that kind of play 00:24:17.720 --> 00:24:19.779 out in your work? Yeah, definitely. You have 00:24:19.779 --> 00:24:22.839 to, again, you have to prepare. And I like talking 00:24:22.839 --> 00:24:25.720 about military. So one of the things that I learned 00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:29.019 later on after basic training and going through 00:24:29.019 --> 00:24:31.960 what I went through, right, the military and 00:24:31.960 --> 00:24:35.119 I I appreciate all the veterans and the supporters 00:24:35.119 --> 00:24:37.500 of veterans, the spouses, and the family members, 00:24:37.779 --> 00:24:40.319 because they are a big part of their resilient 00:24:40.319 --> 00:24:43.960 role and their hope, right? But one of the things 00:24:43.960 --> 00:24:46.920 that you have to remember is you practice what 00:24:46.920 --> 00:24:49.180 you need to practice so that, again, when you 00:24:49.180 --> 00:24:52.680 need it, it's right there. So when you go through 00:24:52.680 --> 00:24:56.599 some of the things, you have to, it's like, for 00:24:56.599 --> 00:24:59.440 example, muscle memory. So somebody who works 00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:02.660 out, they work out and So when we have to do 00:25:02.660 --> 00:25:05.779 a physical training examination, right? A PT 00:25:05.779 --> 00:25:09.160 test, right? We have to do X amount of sit ups, 00:25:09.279 --> 00:25:11.579 X amount of push ups in the army, right? When 00:25:11.579 --> 00:25:14.240 you go and do those tests, you go back to muscle 00:25:14.240 --> 00:25:16.180 memory. And I think that's what you're talking 00:25:16.180 --> 00:25:18.980 about. You know, hey, I need to do X amount, 00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:21.920 so you do X amount. And even when you're tired, 00:25:22.359 --> 00:25:24.660 your body, and that's the powerful thing about 00:25:24.660 --> 00:25:28.000 the brain, right? The brain and the body, they 00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:31.430 work together. and put it in the book. Once your 00:25:31.430 --> 00:25:34.809 brain is gone, the body follows, okay? So make 00:25:34.809 --> 00:25:37.849 sure that just like you train your body, you 00:25:37.849 --> 00:25:39.970 also have to train your brain and train your 00:25:39.970 --> 00:25:43.390 mind, right? You detox the body, right? People 00:25:43.390 --> 00:25:46.930 take this, do this. But I think oftentimes we 00:25:46.930 --> 00:25:50.269 forget that a big part of the body is the mind, 00:25:50.329 --> 00:25:52.730 so also detox your mind. So just these little 00:25:52.730 --> 00:25:56.009 things that I promote for you to be able to be 00:25:56.009 --> 00:25:59.000 aware of. Those are, those are the things that 00:25:59.000 --> 00:26:02.259 helps makes us resilient and help give us hope. 00:26:02.619 --> 00:26:04.420 So that when we go through again, whatever it 00:26:04.420 --> 00:26:08.880 is that we go through that is at adversity, it 00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:10.940 helps us get through it. Yeah. It's kind of like 00:26:10.940 --> 00:26:15.019 the idea of those, those experience compound 00:26:15.019 --> 00:26:17.740 into us being able to stand on our own mountain 00:26:17.740 --> 00:26:20.160 in a way. It's like every time we get past something, 00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:22.990 it just gives us it's almost Maybe it's because 00:26:22.990 --> 00:26:25.609 I'm, you know, 20 -something guy, but like video 00:26:25.609 --> 00:26:27.569 games, like you upgrade the tools over time. 00:26:27.829 --> 00:26:29.789 You have to get those experience points. You 00:26:29.789 --> 00:26:32.650 have to do the missions in order to get to the 00:26:32.650 --> 00:26:35.829 next side and, you know, level up. I'll save 00:26:35.829 --> 00:26:38.170 the video game analogies for another time after 00:26:38.170 --> 00:26:40.950 this, but, but it's really just that concept, 00:26:41.089 --> 00:26:43.869 right? Of we do these things so we know what 00:26:43.869 --> 00:26:47.450 to do when the situation arises. Just practice, 00:26:47.529 --> 00:26:51.839 practice, practice. Exactly. And when it comes 00:26:51.839 --> 00:26:55.960 to the concept of healing, we talked before about 00:26:55.960 --> 00:26:59.740 the concept of healing isn't just about relief 00:26:59.740 --> 00:27:02.160 or just letting something go, but kind of like 00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:05.920 building up resilience beyond that pain to continue 00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:09.390 on. And I'm curious, like how I feel like a lot 00:27:09.390 --> 00:27:10.730 of times like when I have, when I'm thinking 00:27:10.730 --> 00:27:12.470 of these conversations, I'm like, okay, yes, 00:27:12.849 --> 00:27:14.910 like mental toughness, building hard things, 00:27:15.130 --> 00:27:19.170 an unexpected bill, an unexpected trial, a hard 00:27:19.170 --> 00:27:21.369 conversation I need to have. But then there's 00:27:21.369 --> 00:27:23.589 things like, you know, like you've kind of alluded 00:27:23.589 --> 00:27:26.210 to earlier, a death in your friendship circle 00:27:26.210 --> 00:27:29.349 or your family. or something bigger. And I'm 00:27:29.349 --> 00:27:32.089 curious, like, what does healing really look 00:27:32.089 --> 00:27:35.750 like when it comes to those bigger life events? 00:27:35.910 --> 00:27:37.849 The best way I could think of answering that 00:27:37.849 --> 00:27:42.109 question is it's individualistic, right? So what 00:27:42.109 --> 00:27:44.710 healing may mean to me may be different from 00:27:44.710 --> 00:27:47.930 you and what may heal me may not heal you because 00:27:47.930 --> 00:27:51.150 we are a product of where we came from, right? 00:27:51.369 --> 00:27:53.609 And so when we talk about healing, one of the 00:27:53.609 --> 00:27:56.779 things that I love doing in my session is Get 00:27:56.779 --> 00:28:00.380 in the definition, right? So you asked me a question. 00:28:00.700 --> 00:28:03.380 So I turn it around. What does healing mean to 00:28:03.380 --> 00:28:05.599 you? Yeah, I think that's great. I call those 00:28:05.599 --> 00:28:08.220 the bucket worm words where it's like all the 00:28:08.220 --> 00:28:10.279 support. We have the same bucket with the same 00:28:10.279 --> 00:28:12.619 word on front, but we all carry very different 00:28:12.619 --> 00:28:15.099 things in that bucket. And I love that we're 00:28:15.099 --> 00:28:17.380 doing the exercise a little bit. But when I say 00:28:17.380 --> 00:28:20.079 healing, it almost is how do you get to the point 00:28:20.079 --> 00:28:22.839 after something bad happens or, you know, a loved 00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:25.740 one passes where you're. I almost want to say 00:28:25.740 --> 00:28:29.119 like back in like pre -accident condition, right? 00:28:29.299 --> 00:28:32.099 Like it's still happened, but I'm like, I'm back 00:28:32.099 --> 00:28:36.059 to my normal day -to -day. So I, again, no pun 00:28:36.059 --> 00:28:39.640 intended, but are you really back to your normal 00:28:39.640 --> 00:28:43.279 day -to -day if something changes so much, right? 00:28:43.839 --> 00:28:46.579 So when it comes to, again, when it comes to 00:28:46.579 --> 00:28:49.380 healing. You have to, again, know who you are, 00:28:49.640 --> 00:28:52.339 know what a word means to you. And the second 00:28:52.339 --> 00:28:54.240 part of that is, just like I asked you, what 00:28:54.240 --> 00:28:56.460 does healing mean to you? Now, let's look at 00:28:56.460 --> 00:29:00.319 the definition in Webster or in Miriam, right? 00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:03.579 Because a lot of times, and that's why that question 00:29:03.579 --> 00:29:07.500 is not as easy to answer as it may appear. Because 00:29:07.500 --> 00:29:10.859 if you have a definition of what a word means, 00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:13.720 like... Healing to means mean this. And again, 00:29:13.880 --> 00:29:16.140 it depends on the context, right? It means this, 00:29:16.240 --> 00:29:18.299 it's always meant this. But then now you read 00:29:18.299 --> 00:29:20.480 the definition, you're like, whoa, that's not 00:29:20.480 --> 00:29:24.039 what I knew or what I thought healing was. So 00:29:24.039 --> 00:29:26.500 basically coming to an understanding of your 00:29:26.500 --> 00:29:28.960 definition and again, who you are and what you 00:29:28.960 --> 00:29:31.819 think and how you think versus there's a standard 00:29:31.819 --> 00:29:34.420 of what it says. And sometimes if it aligns, 00:29:34.519 --> 00:29:36.579 we talk about congruent, if it aligns, beautiful. 00:29:37.019 --> 00:29:39.359 But what I've learned is a lot of times it doesn't 00:29:39.359 --> 00:29:41.740 align. And so therefore now you have to teach 00:29:41.740 --> 00:29:44.819 yourself and you have to like tweak it a little 00:29:44.819 --> 00:29:47.640 bit so then like you say healing like I love 00:29:47.640 --> 00:29:50.539 Carl Jung he's a master in our profession and 00:29:50.539 --> 00:29:54.160 he talks about healing and so healing to me you 00:29:54.160 --> 00:29:56.960 might have to dig deep because a lot of times 00:29:56.960 --> 00:29:59.359 the things that we need to heal from we don't 00:29:59.359 --> 00:30:02.599 know because it happened to us when we couldn't 00:30:02.599 --> 00:30:05.279 probably remember what happened to us so how 00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:06.960 do you know you need to heal from something that 00:30:06.960 --> 00:30:09.279 you don't remember but not just because you don't 00:30:09.279 --> 00:30:12.299 remember you don't you need to heal from it, 00:30:12.299 --> 00:30:14.359 right? Or you don't need to heal from it. So 00:30:14.359 --> 00:30:17.160 again, some of these questions, they seem like 00:30:17.160 --> 00:30:20.420 you have an answer and healing is an individual 00:30:20.420 --> 00:30:24.220 thing, right? Like your body, my body, they heal 00:30:24.220 --> 00:30:26.759 differently from the same accident, the same 00:30:26.759 --> 00:30:29.559 incident, right? And for many different reasons. 00:30:29.880 --> 00:30:32.140 So we have to take those things into consideration 00:30:32.140 --> 00:30:35.619 so that there's not like a one stop fits all 00:30:35.619 --> 00:30:37.839 when it comes to that. All right, just like grief 00:30:37.839 --> 00:30:40.319 one of the things I tell my clients who are grieving, 00:30:40.440 --> 00:30:43.140 you know The one thing you hear you should be 00:30:43.140 --> 00:30:45.460 over by now No, maybe you would have been over 00:30:45.460 --> 00:30:48.079 by now But give the respect for the person who's 00:30:48.079 --> 00:30:49.720 going through whatever they're going through 00:30:49.720 --> 00:30:52.079 So that they can when they're ready and they 00:30:52.079 --> 00:30:54.480 know they're ready now They can take the steps 00:30:54.480 --> 00:30:57.220 because there's processes to healing you just 00:30:57.220 --> 00:30:59.900 can't say i'm healed now No, especially if you 00:30:59.900 --> 00:31:02.319 don't do the things that it takes for you to 00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:06.079 heal. So the question I hope i'm answering it 00:31:06.109 --> 00:31:08.170 but it's kind of hard to answer because again, 00:31:08.170 --> 00:31:10.130 it's an individual thing. That's where the assessment 00:31:10.130 --> 00:31:13.990 and then the reflection comes in, right? So by 00:31:13.990 --> 00:31:16.750 the definition, when you're healed, that means 00:31:16.750 --> 00:31:19.650 you got better, okay? But with anything, you 00:31:19.650 --> 00:31:21.710 might be better in this moment and then the next 00:31:21.710 --> 00:31:24.329 moment you're not. So give yourself the grace 00:31:24.329 --> 00:31:26.829 for you to understand that and for you not to 00:31:26.829 --> 00:31:29.609 beat yourself up because somebody expects you 00:31:29.609 --> 00:31:32.609 to be here and you find yourself here because 00:31:32.609 --> 00:31:36.400 you're not there yet. So it's different. Yeah, 00:31:36.400 --> 00:31:39.319 I think that that was also a very a very interesting 00:31:39.319 --> 00:31:43.420 way to kind of put that that it is still very 00:31:43.420 --> 00:31:46.779 individual and very personal and it does kind 00:31:46.779 --> 00:31:49.700 of remind me of again a lot of the things I just 00:31:49.700 --> 00:31:52.119 connect back to the walk is success on the walk 00:31:52.119 --> 00:31:55.019 to me looked very different than everybody that 00:31:55.019 --> 00:31:57.319 I talked to like I had people tell me that I 00:31:57.319 --> 00:31:59.619 was wrong for raising the money for the nonprofits 00:31:59.619 --> 00:32:01.420 that I chose and that I should be doing this 00:32:01.420 --> 00:32:03.980 or that or my message should be this or should 00:32:03.980 --> 00:32:06.359 be this other message, right? And I think that 00:32:06.359 --> 00:32:08.869 that is something to. remembering to bring into 00:32:08.869 --> 00:32:11.509 it and your answer to my question was basically, 00:32:11.769 --> 00:32:15.609 it depends on you, on the situation, on how you, 00:32:15.789 --> 00:32:17.990 like what definition do you even want to use 00:32:17.990 --> 00:32:19.730 in that given moment? Because even what came 00:32:19.730 --> 00:32:21.509 up for me was, you know, something is healed 00:32:21.509 --> 00:32:24.009 when it is returned back to, like I'm thinking 00:32:24.009 --> 00:32:26.289 of a car accident, right? Like pre -accident 00:32:26.289 --> 00:32:29.069 condition. But even then the pieces may be different. 00:32:29.190 --> 00:32:31.289 It may not even be the same pieces anymore. If 00:32:31.289 --> 00:32:33.809 you have a cut, like I have scars, like there's 00:32:33.809 --> 00:32:38.039 that scar tissue. It's healed. but it's not perfect 00:32:38.039 --> 00:32:41.380 like it was before, right? And I think that that 00:32:41.380 --> 00:32:43.019 is, I feel like that's gonna be something I mull 00:32:43.019 --> 00:32:45.819 over on my next few walks as I'm thinking after 00:32:45.819 --> 00:32:48.900 this podcast. So thank you for that. That's what 00:32:48.900 --> 00:32:50.759 we're here for. We're here to learn from each 00:32:50.759 --> 00:32:53.640 other. And then just sometimes just looking at 00:32:53.640 --> 00:32:55.960 things from a different perspective than how 00:32:55.960 --> 00:32:58.460 you've been looking at it, right? Because sometimes 00:32:58.460 --> 00:33:02.200 that makes a big difference. It's all about how 00:33:02.200 --> 00:33:05.339 you think and how... One of the things that I 00:33:05.339 --> 00:33:07.440 was thinking about as you were speaking, we cannot 00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:10.579 and we should not, sometimes we do ignore the 00:33:10.579 --> 00:33:12.980 cultural aspect of it, right? You know, like 00:33:12.980 --> 00:33:15.799 on this side of the world, we promote individualism, 00:33:16.039 --> 00:33:19.319 but on the Easter side of the world is collectivism, 00:33:19.380 --> 00:33:22.160 right? So you also have to take those things, 00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:25.940 because I love my diverse clients, because one 00:33:25.940 --> 00:33:28.279 of the things that I never take for granted is 00:33:28.279 --> 00:33:32.339 the beauty of our difference, the differences 00:33:32.339 --> 00:33:35.819 between us. we need to take into consideration 00:33:35.819 --> 00:33:38.740 because I remember when I was stationed in Korea 00:33:38.740 --> 00:33:43.640 and like in Korea, people are close, right? And 00:33:43.640 --> 00:33:47.200 here in UIA, protect my, watch my space, give 00:33:47.200 --> 00:33:50.599 me space. But in another culture, that's a sign 00:33:50.599 --> 00:33:54.339 of a unity. But here is a sign of violation and 00:33:54.339 --> 00:33:56.640 things like that. So understanding the different 00:33:56.640 --> 00:33:59.480 cultural aspect. And I think maybe that's something 00:33:59.480 --> 00:34:02.680 that I can add. Coming from Belize, coming from 00:34:02.680 --> 00:34:06.160 a different culture, I'm able to appreciate the 00:34:06.160 --> 00:34:08.599 differences that our culture bring that makes 00:34:08.599 --> 00:34:11.880 us stronger instead of, again, what divides us. 00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:13.699 Yeah. And I think that's something so interesting 00:34:13.699 --> 00:34:16.619 too, especially with your background and how 00:34:16.619 --> 00:34:19.820 much you've traveled, not just immigration -wise, 00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:23.480 but also on the side of the military. And I have 00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:26.000 one of your web pages pulled up right now with 00:34:26.000 --> 00:34:28.440 your, what, five different books that you've 00:34:28.440 --> 00:34:31.349 written so far. So one, I'm going to link this 00:34:31.349 --> 00:34:32.710 because I think this is so cool that you have 00:34:32.710 --> 00:34:34.929 so many. During the process, because I've noticed 00:34:34.929 --> 00:34:37.769 that people that write books, so far, they don't 00:34:37.769 --> 00:34:40.469 really just stop at one, right? Like there's 00:34:40.469 --> 00:34:43.949 usually a several books or a series. And what 00:34:43.949 --> 00:34:47.429 about the process of writing for you, like resonates 00:34:47.429 --> 00:34:49.769 with you? What is important to it for you? Hey, 00:34:50.250 --> 00:34:53.849 I'm glad you asked that question because I started 00:34:53.849 --> 00:34:56.869 writing because I was an angry individual, right? 00:34:56.869 --> 00:34:59.280 And you talk about tools. And that's why I can 00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:01.739 relate to a lot of the clients that I work with. 00:35:02.239 --> 00:35:05.119 So I used to, you know, I'm not proud of it. 00:35:05.320 --> 00:35:07.420 But when I was angry, I used to punch the walls. 00:35:07.579 --> 00:35:10.440 Right. And so one day something again in my brain 00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:13.400 told me, hey, idiot, you're angry and you're 00:35:13.400 --> 00:35:15.480 hurting yourself. Why don't you try something 00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:18.679 different? Why don't you try something new? So 00:35:18.679 --> 00:35:21.719 I started writing. Any time I got angry, I wrote. 00:35:21.849 --> 00:35:24.829 And so that's why, again, I'm getting ready to 00:35:24.829 --> 00:35:26.909 start on my next book. My goal is to write 10 00:35:26.909 --> 00:35:30.050 books in 10 years. So I started writing as a 00:35:30.050 --> 00:35:33.190 coping mechanism, a positive coping mechanism 00:35:33.190 --> 00:35:36.730 to dealing with anger. But something else that 00:35:36.730 --> 00:35:41.329 also guided me was, hey, the anger is the symptom. 00:35:41.710 --> 00:35:43.690 But what is the source of the anger? And again, 00:35:43.789 --> 00:35:45.630 when I remember I told you, from your heart, 00:35:45.809 --> 00:35:47.769 when you journal, journal from your heart. And 00:35:47.769 --> 00:35:50.730 so by doing that, I was able to then figure out 00:35:50.730 --> 00:35:55.030 that part of my anger came from what I didn't 00:35:55.030 --> 00:35:58.110 realize at the time, but what I considered abandonment. 00:35:59.050 --> 00:36:01.449 So something that I teach my clients and I teach 00:36:01.449 --> 00:36:04.050 the individuals again that I'm blessed to work 00:36:04.050 --> 00:36:07.090 with is that when it comes to emotions, there's 00:36:07.090 --> 00:36:10.349 usually more than one emotion that's at play. 00:36:10.650 --> 00:36:13.750 There's at least two. You have the primary emotion 00:36:13.750 --> 00:36:17.230 and you have the secondary emotion. People usually 00:36:17.230 --> 00:36:19.900 see the secondary. They see the anger. Great, 00:36:19.900 --> 00:36:22.280 that's the secondary. They don't see the prime. 00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:26.699 What is the source of that anger, right? Fear. 00:36:26.820 --> 00:36:30.019 A lot of us do things out of fear, and it shows 00:36:30.019 --> 00:36:32.920 and manifests itself into something else that 00:36:32.920 --> 00:36:35.480 nobody understand until you're able to, again, 00:36:35.480 --> 00:36:38.320 assess and realize, like, okay, I got to deal 00:36:38.320 --> 00:36:41.079 with this. So I say, when you come and you work 00:36:41.079 --> 00:36:43.480 the best at mental resilience counseling, we 00:36:43.480 --> 00:36:46.000 go to the source, right? And now you come in 00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:48.760 with the symptom, but once you address the source, 00:36:48.989 --> 00:36:51.010 I'm not saying the symptom is going to go away, 00:36:51.409 --> 00:36:53.869 but the symptoms, once you address the source, 00:36:54.409 --> 00:36:57.510 becomes less and less than when you first came 00:36:57.510 --> 00:36:59.769 in. Gotcha. And I love that too, because I think 00:36:59.769 --> 00:37:02.130 that, like you said, people always try to fight 00:37:02.130 --> 00:37:05.329 the symptom. It's the same idea of You know, 00:37:05.469 --> 00:37:07.750 you you have a cough. So if I take cough medicine, 00:37:07.809 --> 00:37:09.590 but it's like there might be something that you're 00:37:09.590 --> 00:37:11.969 breathing in that's causing that there might 00:37:11.969 --> 00:37:14.409 be something to remove from the situation or 00:37:14.409 --> 00:37:16.949 be aware of about your situation. And I think 00:37:16.949 --> 00:37:18.789 that that's so interesting. I'm so glad that 00:37:18.789 --> 00:37:22.369 you found a way to channel all of that energy, 00:37:22.369 --> 00:37:25.090 because I know that these books are so helpful 00:37:25.090 --> 00:37:29.030 and useful. I mean, the less like there, whether 00:37:29.030 --> 00:37:31.860 it's lessons from your dad, the the. your book 00:37:31.860 --> 00:37:34.380 about police, your lessons from a service member. 00:37:34.559 --> 00:37:36.739 I think what's also interesting is any one of 00:37:36.739 --> 00:37:39.840 these books could be the book that somebody writes, 00:37:40.099 --> 00:37:42.239 right? Like their core piece of identity. And 00:37:42.239 --> 00:37:45.300 what I'm seeing in your book so far is it's almost 00:37:45.300 --> 00:37:48.980 like different pieces of the same person. Yes, 00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:52.000 yes. And that's, you bring up a good point, but 00:37:52.000 --> 00:37:54.159 then that's what resilience is about, right? 00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:56.360 And that's what hope is about. And that's why 00:37:56.360 --> 00:38:00.719 those two words are the tenets of which. I stand 00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:05.159 on and I teach on because through, again, you 00:38:05.159 --> 00:38:07.500 mentioned some of the other books, values, right? 00:38:07.500 --> 00:38:10.300 So in values, you know, I wrote values for people 00:38:10.300 --> 00:38:12.900 who don't like to read. It's like about 40, like 00:38:12.900 --> 00:38:16.480 43 pages. And what I want to teach people, again, 00:38:16.719 --> 00:38:19.900 that can also help with resilience and hope is 00:38:19.900 --> 00:38:23.340 build your values. Know what your values are 00:38:23.340 --> 00:38:26.619 and know what your value is. See, values and 00:38:26.619 --> 00:38:28.820 value, they're connected, but they're not the 00:38:28.820 --> 00:38:32.030 same. Right? Your value is your importance. What's 00:38:32.030 --> 00:38:34.929 important? Worth. What do you work? And so when 00:38:34.929 --> 00:38:37.929 I wrote that book, again, I thought like, hey, 00:38:37.989 --> 00:38:40.170 you know, people always talk, a lot of people 00:38:40.170 --> 00:38:42.050 talk about money, money, money, money, money. 00:38:42.610 --> 00:38:45.289 Well, if you, if you, what happens if you keep 00:38:45.289 --> 00:38:47.510 on chasing something, right? And that's how, 00:38:47.570 --> 00:38:50.369 that's how I think. And so I try to put how I 00:38:50.369 --> 00:38:52.429 think on paper. If you chase something, it's 00:38:52.429 --> 00:38:55.250 running away from you. But what if you stop chasing 00:38:55.250 --> 00:38:58.429 something and build yourself, build up your resilience, 00:38:58.750 --> 00:39:02.250 right? Be hopeful about the future. Now, if money 00:39:02.250 --> 00:39:05.469 is important to you, would you run away from 00:39:05.469 --> 00:39:07.969 money if it starts chasing you? And that's just 00:39:07.969 --> 00:39:11.030 the concept of how I look at, okay, so build 00:39:11.030 --> 00:39:13.710 your resilience, right? Build your hope, find 00:39:13.710 --> 00:39:17.650 again, find these things that gets you to understand, 00:39:17.929 --> 00:39:20.829 right? The grit, right? Because people, a lot 00:39:20.829 --> 00:39:24.280 of people ask me, like, hey, isn't... Grit and 00:39:24.280 --> 00:39:26.699 perseverance the same as resilience. I said no 00:39:26.699 --> 00:39:28.219 they in the same family, but they're not the 00:39:28.219 --> 00:39:31.360 same right right grit You've stuck like you find 00:39:31.360 --> 00:39:35.159 a way to continue to go right so great and again 00:39:35.159 --> 00:39:38.659 if there's a third third element of Resilience 00:39:38.659 --> 00:39:41.820 and hope is great persevere. I I think I made 00:39:41.820 --> 00:39:43.860 I coined this phrase I don't know I haven't really 00:39:43.860 --> 00:39:46.360 heard it unless I said and some of my friends 00:39:46.360 --> 00:39:50.500 now they say I said Persistence beat resistance 00:39:50.500 --> 00:39:52.699 every time. And some people challenge me. They're 00:39:52.699 --> 00:39:55.619 like, you don't know what you're talking about. 00:39:55.920 --> 00:39:58.460 But then I explain it to them this way. The only 00:39:58.460 --> 00:40:02.019 way persistence win is for you not to stop until 00:40:02.019 --> 00:40:04.380 you get to your objective. You'll have resistance 00:40:04.380 --> 00:40:07.059 in the way, but the minute you stop at that resistance, 00:40:07.219 --> 00:40:09.360 then you're not persistent. Persistence doesn't 00:40:09.360 --> 00:40:12.000 stop. until you get to the objective. So those 00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:14.559 are some of the skill sets and the tools that 00:40:14.559 --> 00:40:17.139 I use, whether it's in the military, whether 00:40:17.139 --> 00:40:20.139 it's in different areas of life. Those are some 00:40:20.139 --> 00:40:22.000 of the skills. Sometimes you have to talk to 00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:24.219 yourself. I tell people all the time, your brain 00:40:24.219 --> 00:40:26.380 is your best friend and your worst enemy. When 00:40:26.380 --> 00:40:28.960 your brain is in charge of you, is in control, 00:40:29.000 --> 00:40:31.820 you're in trouble because the brain takes you 00:40:31.820 --> 00:40:34.320 to places it knows exist that it has already 00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:36.760 been through. while you're not aware of it, but 00:40:36.760 --> 00:40:38.559 then it sometimes take you to places that you 00:40:38.559 --> 00:40:40.300 don't need to go. So sometimes you need to just 00:40:40.300 --> 00:40:42.659 tell your brain, brain, I got this. You know, 00:40:42.739 --> 00:40:44.239 like thinking in the brain, right? Brain, I got 00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:47.119 this. I'll take it from here. And you'll be surprised 00:40:47.119 --> 00:40:49.239 how the brain listens to you. And a lot of people 00:40:49.239 --> 00:40:51.539 don't, and again, these are some of the tools 00:40:51.539 --> 00:40:55.320 that I teach within the opportunities that's 00:40:55.320 --> 00:40:57.960 given to them. That's awesome. And again, I love 00:40:57.960 --> 00:41:00.239 that you're able to take all these tools or these 00:41:00.239 --> 00:41:03.800 different lessons and apply it to or help other 00:41:03.800 --> 00:41:06.840 people apply it to their lives as well. And final 00:41:06.840 --> 00:41:10.880 question, if you were to have the world's attention 00:41:10.880 --> 00:41:14.099 for 60 seconds, you and I are walking in the 00:41:14.099 --> 00:41:16.579 middle of Oklahoma, we find a lamp, a genie pops 00:41:16.579 --> 00:41:19.059 out and grants you that one gift. What would 00:41:19.059 --> 00:41:22.079 you want the world to know in line with your 00:41:22.079 --> 00:41:25.570 messaging in 60 seconds? Man, that's a... That's 00:41:25.570 --> 00:41:28.469 a tough question. I would definitely promote, 00:41:28.789 --> 00:41:33.150 especially to men, young men, older men, and 00:41:33.150 --> 00:41:36.769 just men in general. I'm not, you know, I'm not 00:41:36.769 --> 00:41:39.809 paying attention to women, but I would say stop 00:41:39.809 --> 00:41:42.710 pretending and it's okay to cry. It's okay to 00:41:42.710 --> 00:41:44.929 release what it is that you're going through 00:41:44.929 --> 00:41:47.750 and it's okay to get help, right? You're not 00:41:47.750 --> 00:41:50.789 weak by getting help. That actually shows signs 00:41:50.789 --> 00:41:54.480 of strength. Okay. And so for me, That's one 00:41:54.480 --> 00:41:57.539 thing I would promote to our younger men and 00:41:57.539 --> 00:42:00.679 men in general, because we think that if we break 00:42:00.679 --> 00:42:04.420 down, if we cry, we're weak. No, that shows strength. 00:42:04.980 --> 00:42:07.019 And one of the things that I constantly push 00:42:07.019 --> 00:42:10.119 to those that I'm blessed to serve is that let 00:42:10.119 --> 00:42:12.960 it go as soon as possible so that it doesn't 00:42:12.960 --> 00:42:15.260 build up. Because if you don't let it go in this 00:42:15.260 --> 00:42:18.239 moment, it still needs to be let go. And I promise 00:42:18.239 --> 00:42:20.480 you, whether you realize it or not, you will 00:42:20.480 --> 00:42:22.780 let it go. But if you don't do it on your times, 00:42:22.940 --> 00:42:25.440 You'll do it on the world's turn, which usually 00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:27.980 don't turn out good. Awesome. Dr. Castillo, if 00:42:27.980 --> 00:42:30.019 somebody is listening right now and they're thinking, 00:42:30.019 --> 00:42:34.199 man, I need to let it go. I need to learn these 00:42:34.199 --> 00:42:37.300 different tools. I need to learn about myself. 00:42:37.400 --> 00:42:39.300 What would be the best way for them to connect 00:42:39.300 --> 00:42:40.960 with you and learn more about you and your work? 00:42:41.420 --> 00:42:43.719 I appreciate that question. Definitely. They 00:42:43.719 --> 00:42:46.000 can reach out to me. They can go to the website, 00:42:46.199 --> 00:42:49.579 www .mentalresiliencecounseling .com. I also 00:42:49.579 --> 00:42:57.500 have my number 813. 358 -6332. And those are 00:42:57.500 --> 00:42:59.639 the ways that they can definitely get in touch 00:42:59.639 --> 00:43:02.119 with me. I have my social media. I can share 00:43:02.119 --> 00:43:04.960 that because there's so many, right? But yeah, 00:43:04.960 --> 00:43:08.039 those are the best ways. And again, I love to 00:43:08.039 --> 00:43:10.159 help people. I know I've been talking a lot, 00:43:10.320 --> 00:43:12.420 but believe me, I like to listen more than I 00:43:12.420 --> 00:43:15.099 talk, right? So definitely. And the last thing 00:43:15.099 --> 00:43:18.340 I'd like to share with the audience before we 00:43:18.340 --> 00:43:21.300 go is this picture behind me, right? So when 00:43:21.300 --> 00:43:24.940 I was in Korea, I bought a whole bunch of paintings, 00:43:25.139 --> 00:43:28.500 because I'm an enthusiast. You know, that's how 00:43:28.500 --> 00:43:31.639 I stay calm as well, too. And I bought this painting, 00:43:31.960 --> 00:43:35.320 and I used this painting usually within my first 00:43:35.320 --> 00:43:38.260 and second session. And I asked the clients, 00:43:38.480 --> 00:43:40.400 tell me what you see. I know we don't have time, 00:43:40.699 --> 00:43:42.699 so, because usually it could take up to like 00:43:42.699 --> 00:43:48.340 45 minutes to an hour. But you do know the poem 00:43:48.340 --> 00:43:51.409 Footprints in the Sand? And that's exactly what 00:43:51.409 --> 00:43:54.389 this is a replica of in a different genre, right? 00:43:54.690 --> 00:43:57.789 But this is what I want to tell my clients and 00:43:57.789 --> 00:44:00.090 my audience, and this is what I want to tell 00:44:00.090 --> 00:44:03.469 your audience. This represents that we're human. 00:44:03.630 --> 00:44:07.170 We can't do it all. And one of the things that 00:44:07.170 --> 00:44:08.869 I'll never forget that my dad taught me, I didn't 00:44:08.869 --> 00:44:11.349 understand it when he told me, but no man is 00:44:11.349 --> 00:44:14.389 annihilating. And if you know what the poem footprint 00:44:14.389 --> 00:44:17.269 means, or if you don't, please look it up and 00:44:17.269 --> 00:44:19.920 you'll know that you cannot do it alone. This 00:44:19.920 --> 00:44:22.820 here is an opportunity for us to help each other 00:44:22.820 --> 00:44:26.420 get from this moment to our next moment, no matter 00:44:26.420 --> 00:44:28.760 what that moment is. But we cannot do it alone. 00:44:28.960 --> 00:44:31.079 And I appreciate you giving me the opportunity 00:44:31.079 --> 00:44:33.239 to come and share my thoughts, because these 00:44:33.239 --> 00:44:35.059 are just things that my thoughts that I take 00:44:35.059 --> 00:44:38.500 and I share with those that I'm blessed to share 00:44:38.500 --> 00:44:40.699 it with. And I just I just love coming up with 00:44:40.699 --> 00:44:42.619 different concepts. But again, I try to keep 00:44:42.619 --> 00:44:45.500 it simple so that you could remember who's going 00:44:45.500 --> 00:44:48.760 to forget you can do things alone. This right 00:44:48.760 --> 00:44:52.079 here is a collaboration, right? That young lady, 00:44:52.320 --> 00:44:55.239 she couldn't walk in that moment, but she still 00:44:55.239 --> 00:44:57.659 got to where she got to because somebody helped 00:44:57.659 --> 00:45:00.599 her out. Let's help each other out. Let's help 00:45:00.599 --> 00:45:04.159 each other learn to be resilient, rebuild resilience, 00:45:04.500 --> 00:45:07.099 reestablish resilience, and hold onto that hope 00:45:07.099 --> 00:45:09.579 so that when we go through the eye of the storm, 00:45:09.820 --> 00:45:11.800 that can get us out of it so that we can then 00:45:11.800 --> 00:45:13.940 get the help that we need. I love that. And I'll 00:45:13.940 --> 00:45:15.900 be sharing all of your content info as well in 00:45:15.900 --> 00:45:17.679 the show notes where it starts to easily grab. 00:45:17.840 --> 00:45:19.820 And I'll see if I can figure out a way to link 00:45:19.820 --> 00:45:21.880 a photo so that if anybody's listening on audio, 00:45:22.179 --> 00:45:24.260 that they'll also be able to easily see the photo 00:45:24.260 --> 00:45:27.699 that you are referring to. But Dr. Charles Castillo, 00:45:27.760 --> 00:45:30.239 thank you so much for hanging out with us today. 00:45:30.840 --> 00:45:32.780 I feel like I have a lot I need to go digest 00:45:32.780 --> 00:45:34.639 and chew on, and I'm sure those listening do 00:45:34.639 --> 00:45:37.559 as well. Thanks again, Manger, for having me. 00:45:37.659 --> 00:45:41.320 And any time that anybody needs to just come 00:45:41.320 --> 00:45:44.039 up with something out of something or nothing, 00:45:44.500 --> 00:45:47.719 hey, I look forward to, again, sharing. but more 00:45:47.719 --> 00:45:50.179 than just sharing, learning as well. And I've 00:45:50.179 --> 00:45:52.780 learned from you because walking across America, 00:45:53.179 --> 00:45:55.519 I guess what? You definitely got it. My best. 00:45:55.699 --> 00:45:57.980 Awesome. I appreciate it. I'll talk to you later. 00:45:58.420 --> 00:46:00.280 Thank you very much. Stay safe. Stay blessed, 00:46:00.340 --> 00:46:00.559 everybody.