Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening,
everybody, and welcome to today's episode of
the NeverPeak Project Podcast. Most of us work
hard to get past our pain. But what if getting
past it wasn't the point? Today's guest knows
that relief is just the first step. Dr. Charles
A. Castillo is a retired army officer who served
over two decades in the U .S. military. He's
also a mental health clinician, certified international
life coach and decorated disabled veteran. Charles
grew up in Belize, immigrated to Brooklyn as
a child and went on to earn his doctorate in
psychology. After decades of service and personal
trials, he has dedicated his entire life. to
helping others build resilience instead of chasing
just one single peak. He founded Mental Resilience
Counseling, which is currently offering culturally
aware therapy and resilience life coaching. His
approach blends mindfulness, cognitive, behavioral,
and dialectical behavior therapy, and he emphasizes
giving clients tools that they can use long after
therapy is over. He's the author of multiple
books, including The Resilient Mind, which uses
research -backed strategies and real -life stories
to help readers master the mind -body connection.
In a world where many of us believe there's only
one pinnacle of success, Dr. Castillo challenges
us to see healing as an ongoing process, a way
to rise, rebuild, and thrive beyond the pain.
So whether you're an entrepreneur, a nonprofit
leader, or simply someone trying to stay afloat.
His wisdom has something for you. Dr. Cristio,
thank you so much for joining us today. Thank
you, Ranger. Thank you for having me. It's an
honor. I'm blessed to be here, and I hope to
share a little bit of knowledge with your guests
and your audience. Awesome. I appreciate it.
No, I'm so excited. I've been waiting to chat
with you on the pod for quite a while. Could
you just tell me and the listeners a little bit
more about you, who you are, and what you aim
to accomplish in this life? All right. I appreciate
it. So again, thank you for that. great introduction.
It makes me feel like, man, I have to know those
things. I'm blessed to have the opportunity to
learn from experiences each and every one of
us has. I'm a native of Belize. I'm from the
Garifuna culture, and I use those things that
are in it that I'm blessed to be as part of that
culture to help me strive and get through some
of the hard times that I've had to endure through
my life. And now I'm just trying to give back
and share some of these life lessons and my two
tenets that I really promote in my sessions and
in my consultation is resilience and hope. More
so hope because as you know, being a veteran.
Like in other communities, like suicide is very
high. And one of the things that I've learned
from doing, being a counselor and doing some
of the things that I'm blessed to do is that
the one key factor that's been said over and
over is when somebody don't have hope, they're
very vulnerable and they take that last step.
So hoping to offer hope to others and teach them
to be resilient. That is what I'm trying to do.
I'm a father of three. They give me hope. and
they make me resilient. You know, I'm proud to
be a husband of 21 years going on 22. And these
are just things that I hold on to. And I try
to give back so that when I have this opportunity
that you've given me to talk about whatever it
is we get to talk about resilience and hope that
I'm able to share and connect with those that
are blessed to listen to your program. Yeah,
I think that's beautifully put. I think that.
One, the big thing that I kind of want to like
echo back and like reflect is just that whole
idea of we go through hard things. Like I can
only imagine how difficult it was immigrating
to the U .S. as such a young AIDS, being a veteran,
going through everything else that you've been
through. But then also there was that piece of
sharing that story in a way that still resonates
and impacts others. And I'm just curious, like
when it comes to immigrating and being in the
military, thank you for your service again. Like
what about sharing that story is so impactful
that you have personally seen? I think what's
important about sharing the story is that I'm
no different from you than anybody else that
go through this thing here called life and have
to navigate through the storms that we have to
navigate. But I think the foundation that we
all come from plays a role and a vital role in
how we do the things that we do and how we get
through. the things that we get through. So I
was young when I when I migrated to the United
States, so I don't really know like what it took.
But I'm sure I was probably sad. Right. Maybe
that's why I do some of the things that I do,
because as a therapist, I understand the subconscious
and how it works. But yeah, definitely being
able to just put our experience to to help us
to inspire us to do better. That's what it's
all about. And I'm hoping that. If there's a
message that I can share is no matter where you
have been in your life, I'm sure you've been
through tough moments. That means that you're
resilient. And sometimes we don't need to be
taught resilience. We just need to be reminded.
No, I like that, too, that it's not necessarily
I mean, because I can easily say, wow, like Charles
been through way more than I have like this or
that. Right. But there there are these. parallels
and intersections in everybody's story, despite
whatever titles or background or experiences
it is that we actually went through. Yes. Yes,
definitely. And so, you know, it's so people
say you're the expert in resilience. And I have
to remind people that and the people that I'm
blessed to talk to and the blessed that I'm blessed
to work with is, yes, I'm only an expert in resilience,
resilience on me. you're the expert in resilience
of you. But if through a conversation, we can
learn to be even more resilient from the experience
and the different experiences that we share,
right? Too often we look at what divide is, but
there's more that unite us than divide us. So
for me, as somebody who's considered an expert
in resilience, I consider, what can I learn from
you from what you went through to get you past
what you went through and what I can share so
that now I'm not considered the expert? I'm like
you and we're sharing and then that helps us
grow as individuals. No, I love that. And I think
moving into the next the next few questions that
I have when we do keep saying the words resilience
and hope. And I'm curious, like, do you have
your own definition of those two words? It sounds
like it's pretty pivotal to your approach and
everything that you talk about. So like, how
would you define resilience and hope in relation
to each other? OK, so let's start with the resilience.
So resilience. Yeah, I did my dissertation in
resilience, and that's what I wrote a book on.
But what I've learned over the years is that
resilience means different things to different
people. And for me, when I first started studying
resilience, it's about bouncing back, right?
But from going, having the opportunities, to
having the opportunity to work with people, to
do seminars, to do training, I've reshaped my
definition based on the conversations that I've
had with others who I was blessed to work with.
The best way I can say what resilience is, is
from a few months ago when I went to do a seminar,
a gentleman explained it this way. It's continuing
in spite of, right? So to me, in this moment,
that's what sticks with me. That it's not that
you don't go through obstacles and you don't
go through trials and tribulation, but it's finding
that courage and that energy to continue to get
through it, to get from this moment to the next
moment. which then links to the hope, right?
When you have something to hold on to, that can
help you get out of the storm or that can help
you withstand the storm that you currently find
yourself in. So hope, the way that I've learned
to connect resilience and hope is the hope teaches
you how, my dad, the resilience teaches you how,
but the hope teaches you why. Why do I need to
get through this moment? And for me, my family,
my children are what gets me through whatever
it is. So when I was deployed, like I said, I
have to get back to my family, right? That was
my why, right? So I read a lot of books. Simon
Sinek start with why. So once you find your why
and what I've learned about the why when it comes
to, again, hope, when you make your why greater
than yourself, that is what can help us get through
whatever storm. that we find ourselves in. So
when it comes to, like, you just kind of brought
in the idea, like, your military service and
how your family was your big why. Was that what
you held on to? I guess, like, what made you
realize that that was your why? Was it the textbook
learning of what that means or was it just in
that moment you just knew that that's what you
needed to hold on to? Does that kind of make
sense? Yes, it makes sense. It was in that moment
because I read it. start with bye after, right?
And so now it made sense to be like, oh, so that
was my why. So when I was facing certain things
and when I went through certain things, I was
like, I'm not giving up. I have to get back to
my family. That just continued to motivate me.
And even from my basic training days is I just
said, oh, I'm going to continue to go. I'm going
to continue to go. I'm going to continue. I'm
going to continue to push until I get to whatever
objective I needed to get completed. And so.
But later on, as I read different books, they
kind of come together and say, OK, so that's
what that was. Right. No, that's beautiful. And
I the very kind of a similar and that similar
thread. So, of course, I wasn't in the military
or anything. I don't have that kind of experience.
But on my walk across America last year, I was
spending almost about a year and months prepping
and planning for my walk across the country.
And when I finally talked to somebody that I
actually done it. I asked them the very basic
questions like what shoes, what equipment, what
gear, how did you find a place to sleep? And
then at the very end, I asked them, was there
anything that I didn't ask you that I should
have? And they said, yeah. But I'm going to ask
you, why are you walking? I was like, what do
you mean? Why am I walking? I feel like it's
just like a thing to do. And they were like,
no, if you don't have a solid why. How are you
going to get past the hard days when the gear
fails, when you don't find a place to sleep,
when you do have an injury? Like, how are you
going to maintain moving forward with like what
you're just saying that higher purpose than yourself?
And I just thought that that was like a wow.
I am so glad that I had someone tell me that
beforehand because I didn't really have that
creative a why before I started. And I think
that that is kind of what you're saying is figure
out what your why is either before or you'll
find out during. but that's what keeps you moving
forward and staying resilient. Right, right.
Definitely. So how would you say people can find
out what their why is? Is there the super secret
special equation or is it kind of just a feeling?
So I would say the way you find out is for you
to be honest with yourself, for you to continue
to do a self -assessment and self -reflection,
right? Because only through those things that
you do, that's when you really start finding
out. Like, what's important to me? Not only what's
important to me, but why is it important to me?
So it's an individual thing. Some people it may
take longer than others based on the experience.
But I still think that they need to go ahead
and ask themselves and be honest. Right. I joke
around with my clients and my family and my friends
when I tell them, you know, that that phrase
where it says, don't let me get in character,
but don't let me get out of character. Right.
I say you you should say Don't let me get in
character because nine out of 10 times we're
wearing masks that we expect people want to see.
And so we're wearing masks that others expect
of us, but we're not really wearing the mask
that is truly who we are. So when I say, don't
let me get in character, that means don't let
me take off all these fake masks and get into
who I truly am, the authentic me. And I bring
that up because people need to find out who they
are. and we all have the good, the bad, the ugly
in us. Be honest about it, right? Be honest,
because we're not perfect, right? I say, don't
go, don't strive for perfection, strive for great.
You can be great without being perfect. And that's
what you have to do in order for you to get to
your why and answer these questions as honestly,
as genuinely as possible. And that will help
you to get through any moment that you find yourself.
And again, like I said, what may be at the time,
the storm. Oh, I love that. It's just remembering.
I like what you said there. The you can be great
without being perfect, because I think that takes
the pressure off to like we're not here to take
a perfect next step. We're here to take the next
step towards where it is that we are actually
going. It's beautiful. OK, so the other thing
that I was I was curious about now is it sounds
like you had almost like a. like a crash course
before you started studying resilience and hope.
With your service in the military, again, I'm
kind of leaning on the immigration thing. My
father immigrated from Poland. I know how insane
that could be for a family. But during your education,
as you're going to school, getting your doctorate,
et cetera, what did you learn about yourself
and what pieces were you able to put together?
years after the fact. The biggest thing that
I learned about myself during that time was stop
believing in yourself, right? Because coming
up, I had doubts, just like a lot of people have
self -doubt. And so one of the things I had to
retrain myself and reteach myself, or even teach
myself, is that, look, you're going to fall.
Guess what? You fell before. It's not how many
times you fall. It's how many times you find
the strength to get back up. And so I learned
these different things and I started just paying
attention. And again, I really have to say reading
has really made a big difference. Do you want
to say knowledge is power? Because I think of
my great grandparents and my great, great grandparents.
A lot of them were great psychologists, but they
weren't cool psychologists, right? They just
learn. And this is what the answer to your question
is experience, right? We learn from our experience
and our experiences. And that helps shapes us
into who we become only if we allow it to shape
us, right? Like I don't believe in mistakes unless
you didn't learn from them. Mistakes are meant
to be lessons. Once you learn those lessons,
now that mistake may be preparing you for something
bigger to come. Yeah, I think that that's something
I'm curious about in your own work also with
your clients, but that has something that I have
noticed as a general concept, right? Is that
it feels like failure is finite or final and
it's really not. It's just the first or next
step in learning, right? Like what is it? Oh
my gosh, what is his name? He's not on shark
tank, but he's another business guru. It's kind
of just like, it's just, it's just a numbers
game. Like, uh, I think he did the billionaire
challenge, like where he had nothing and was
like, who has my money? Who's the next person?
Who do I have to talk to next? Like every shut
door just means, okay, now I'm one step closer.
The odds are greater that I'm going to get the
right door on the next open. Right. Yeah. And
when it comes to the work that you do, can you
just. Explain a little bit more about what that
looks like. If it's, you know, you're, you're
coaching consulting therapy and what tools do
you use to kind of help clients realize that
they already had the resilience within them and
help them figure out what their, their hope handhold
is. I think it was goes back to stuff that I
mentioned earlier, the assessment. So nine out
of 10 times when I speak to a client just from
listening to them during the assessment phase,
I caught me figure out what's going on. Right.
But. It's not for me to tell them, it's for me
to help them figure it out. So that again, when
they go through something, maybe the same or
maybe almost the same, the process will always
be the process, will always be the process. So
basically I take what I hear, I listen, and I
listen not only to what's said, but the nonverbal
of what's not being said. And so these are some
of the things that I teach. Like the other day
I had a new client and one of the things that
I look for is congruence. or incongruence. And
that's just a big word for alignment or misalignment.
So give you an example. The person was smiling,
right? So for me, probably a lot of people, you
look at somebody smiling, you would think that
they're happy, right? But one of the things I've
learned from being in this profession is the
eyes don't lie. They were smiling, but their
eyes were sad. To me, that's incongruence. And
so for me, now I, at the beginning of a therapeutic
relationship, you can't really challenge your
client because you haven't built that trust and
you haven't built that relationship. So I make
sure I write it down so that when we do build
that relationship and that trust, I can say,
you know, day one, you were smiling, but your
eyes were sad because what people need to understand
is the eyes is the key to the soul. Right. And
so I bring that up because one of the tools that
I teach is journal. Right. And we hear journal,
journal, journal. But I teach journal from your
heart not your head and the clients they sometimes
they don't get it until they get it because once
you're because again we have the consciousness
subconscious the consciousness of things that
we're aware of and that's usually here what we're
not aware of is in the heart so when you write
from the heart things that you're feeling comes
out and now you can say oh man i was sad because
around this time last year i lost the buddy of
mine right and so these are some of the and i
and i try to make the tools as basic as possible
so that you can remember. I teach my clients,
they have a tool belt, right? See how carpenters
have a tool belt, because they have the tools
that they need access to right then and there,
close by. And so over the time frame of our sessions,
we learn tools that we put into, and I call it,
no pun intended, the resiliency tool, right?
So that you can have these resilience tool. when
you need them and it may not be, you may not
need this tool right now, but you know if you
need it, it's there. So those are some of the
basic things that I do in my therapy and also
as a international resilience life coach, right?
Again, it's about tools, tools, tools. So I think
I hope that answered the question. Yeah, for
sure. Well, I think that's kind of what I was
getting like, and I think that you put it. beautifully,
the toolkit, the tool belts, right? And I think
that what is so beautiful about that is the simplicity
of it. Like what I've also noticed is that a
lot of people think that in order to make big
changes or shift how they see things, it needs
to be this huge, big concept or a word like neuro
-linguistic programming and this and that's like,
yeah, that is helpful. But really it's when it's
the super basic concept that you can, when I
think of a tool belt, I'm like, Like, you know,
my hammer of hope, my, you know, my field notes
notebook, right? Like, it's just very easy to
think and call upon those tools when you're having
those moments of wanting to give up or stop the
project and move to something else or not continue
on, right? That you need those things to focus
up on what to do next. Yes, definitely. And so
again, week after week after week, we just continue
to build. are two, and you have the toolkit.
But again, I try to make sure you also understand
the importance of the tool belt, because it's
right there when you need it. So I do grounding
technique. I believe in, you mentioned, DBT,
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. And they have
a lot of tools that you can use. Mindfulness
is one of the key elements of DBT. And so I teach
that so that you can be grounded in the moment,
right? So that whatever it is that's taking you
or trying to take you somewhere, you are able
to control that by being mindful and enjoying
this moment for what it is. And it may be bad,
but again, sometimes the things that you go through
that are bad in this moment is preparing for
something greater in the next moment. And this
is some of the things that I teach the clients
that I'm blessed to work with and also. I learned
from them, right? Like I just gave you the example
how, again, like resilience, when I was studying,
resilience is about bouncing back, bouncing back,
right? But again, when I talk to different people,
to me, they simplify it again, right? Continuing
in spite of, I mean, what better way to understand
what resilience is? Yeah, it's not to say that
you're not gonna go through it, but to continue.
And then that's where that resilience and the
hope come together and allow you to get through.
whatever toughest moment you're going through
in that moment. So there's journaling, there's
deep breathing, and that's some of the tools
that I have put in the resilient mind so that
even if you're not able to work with me or another
therapist and there's some tools in there that
you can turn to. Volunteering. A lot of us love
to give. And just by helping somebody, you will
be surprised how that helps us. And we don't
even think about it. But one thing I share with
people that I'm blessed to speak to and to talk
with. Just remember, you cannot pour from an
empty cup. I just came back from Belize a couple
of days ago. And again, in the flight, what they
say, before you put on the child's mask, put
on your mask, right? Because what good will it
be if you try to put on the child's mask and
then you fall out now, the child cannot have
his mask on. So just basic things. And I try
to make it relatable. And based on what you're
doing, I told you the assessment is key. I don't
know if I can say the agriculture, right? You
might know a little bit about it. So what I try
to do is I try to use whatever profession, because
I try to find your passion. Because once you
find out what somebody loves to do and you can
make something relatable to them, they won't
forget when they need it, right? And the biggest
thing when it comes to these tools, the tools
are amazing and they work. But I teach, practice
the tools when you don't need them so that when
you... need them, they automatically kicks in
because you talked about it. I read atomic habits,
right? And that's what it teaches you. It teaches
you, hey, just do little things. So I had a problem
with drinking water. It says, hey, put water
in your office. So I have water, water at my
desk. There you go. I have water by my bed. So
I know I need to drink a certain amount of water.
So if I'm passing by whatever area, I see water.
Oh yeah, I need to drink water. So just these
little things that sometimes, again, we got to
do it so that we can it becomes a habit. Now
we don't have to remember to do it. Like one
of the things that we take for granted is breathing.
But if you don't breathe, you might be in trouble.
Right. But you see, it's automatic. And that's
some of the things that I try to teach the clients
and I try to teach those that are when I go do
training and I go do seminars for them to remember.
Keep the basic kiss. Right. Keep it simple. You
know, whatever the. Whatever all the other words
are. No, yeah. And I think that's great. And
I think that the whole idea of, you know, setting
yourself up for success in whatever habit you're
trying to create or whatever habit you're trying
to get rid of. Like my fiance and I were prepping
for our wedding next year and we're trying to
get in shape. It's like, well, we're not going
to go and buy a bunch of candy and leave it in
the cabinet. Right. Like we're going to put water
or electrolyte mixes like in the fridge and easy
access so that we can actually do those things.
And When it comes to something else that I want
to touch on before we get to the next phase of
questions is the idea of putting yourself through
hard times. I know that there is, so I'm in the
middle of it also, but it's the 75 Hard Program
by Andy Frisella. A lot of the other, I guess,
mental toughness gurus kind of talk about that
of doing hard things to train yourself so that
when a, what is it, you, when you. put intentional
hard things in front of you to get past. When
the unintentional hard things come in front of
you, they're easy to get past. Is that something
that you also encourage your clients to do or
people in general? Or how does that kind of play
out in your work? Yeah, definitely. You have
to, again, you have to prepare. And I like talking
about military. So one of the things that I learned
later on after basic training and going through
what I went through, right, the military and
I I appreciate all the veterans and the supporters
of veterans, the spouses, and the family members,
because they are a big part of their resilient
role and their hope, right? But one of the things
that you have to remember is you practice what
you need to practice so that, again, when you
need it, it's right there. So when you go through
some of the things, you have to, it's like, for
example, muscle memory. So somebody who works
out, they work out and So when we have to do
a physical training examination, right? A PT
test, right? We have to do X amount of sit ups,
X amount of push ups in the army, right? When
you go and do those tests, you go back to muscle
memory. And I think that's what you're talking
about. You know, hey, I need to do X amount,
so you do X amount. And even when you're tired,
your body, and that's the powerful thing about
the brain, right? The brain and the body, they
work together. and put it in the book. Once your
brain is gone, the body follows, okay? So make
sure that just like you train your body, you
also have to train your brain and train your
mind, right? You detox the body, right? People
take this, do this. But I think oftentimes we
forget that a big part of the body is the mind,
so also detox your mind. So just these little
things that I promote for you to be able to be
aware of. Those are, those are the things that
helps makes us resilient and help give us hope.
So that when we go through again, whatever it
is that we go through that is at adversity, it
helps us get through it. Yeah. It's kind of like
the idea of those, those experience compound
into us being able to stand on our own mountain
in a way. It's like every time we get past something,
it just gives us it's almost Maybe it's because
I'm, you know, 20 -something guy, but like video
games, like you upgrade the tools over time.
You have to get those experience points. You
have to do the missions in order to get to the
next side and, you know, level up. I'll save
the video game analogies for another time after
this, but, but it's really just that concept,
right? Of we do these things so we know what
to do when the situation arises. Just practice,
practice, practice. Exactly. And when it comes
to the concept of healing, we talked before about
the concept of healing isn't just about relief
or just letting something go, but kind of like
building up resilience beyond that pain to continue
on. And I'm curious, like how I feel like a lot
of times like when I have, when I'm thinking
of these conversations, I'm like, okay, yes,
like mental toughness, building hard things,
an unexpected bill, an unexpected trial, a hard
conversation I need to have. But then there's
things like, you know, like you've kind of alluded
to earlier, a death in your friendship circle
or your family. or something bigger. And I'm
curious, like, what does healing really look
like when it comes to those bigger life events?
The best way I could think of answering that
question is it's individualistic, right? So what
healing may mean to me may be different from
you and what may heal me may not heal you because
we are a product of where we came from, right?
And so when we talk about healing, one of the
things that I love doing in my session is Get
in the definition, right? So you asked me a question.
So I turn it around. What does healing mean to
you? Yeah, I think that's great. I call those
the bucket worm words where it's like all the
support. We have the same bucket with the same
word on front, but we all carry very different
things in that bucket. And I love that we're
doing the exercise a little bit. But when I say
healing, it almost is how do you get to the point
after something bad happens or, you know, a loved
one passes where you're. I almost want to say
like back in like pre -accident condition, right?
Like it's still happened, but I'm like, I'm back
to my normal day -to -day. So I, again, no pun
intended, but are you really back to your normal
day -to -day if something changes so much, right?
So when it comes to, again, when it comes to
healing. You have to, again, know who you are,
know what a word means to you. And the second
part of that is, just like I asked you, what
does healing mean to you? Now, let's look at
the definition in Webster or in Miriam, right?
Because a lot of times, and that's why that question
is not as easy to answer as it may appear. Because
if you have a definition of what a word means,
like... Healing to means mean this. And again,
it depends on the context, right? It means this,
it's always meant this. But then now you read
the definition, you're like, whoa, that's not
what I knew or what I thought healing was. So
basically coming to an understanding of your
definition and again, who you are and what you
think and how you think versus there's a standard
of what it says. And sometimes if it aligns,
we talk about congruent, if it aligns, beautiful.
But what I've learned is a lot of times it doesn't
align. And so therefore now you have to teach
yourself and you have to like tweak it a little
bit so then like you say healing like I love
Carl Jung he's a master in our profession and
he talks about healing and so healing to me you
might have to dig deep because a lot of times
the things that we need to heal from we don't
know because it happened to us when we couldn't
probably remember what happened to us so how
do you know you need to heal from something that
you don't remember but not just because you don't
remember you don't you need to heal from it,
right? Or you don't need to heal from it. So
again, some of these questions, they seem like
you have an answer and healing is an individual
thing, right? Like your body, my body, they heal
differently from the same accident, the same
incident, right? And for many different reasons.
So we have to take those things into consideration
so that there's not like a one stop fits all
when it comes to that. All right, just like grief
one of the things I tell my clients who are grieving,
you know The one thing you hear you should be
over by now No, maybe you would have been over
by now But give the respect for the person who's
going through whatever they're going through
So that they can when they're ready and they
know they're ready now They can take the steps
because there's processes to healing you just
can't say i'm healed now No, especially if you
don't do the things that it takes for you to
heal. So the question I hope i'm answering it
but it's kind of hard to answer because again,
it's an individual thing. That's where the assessment
and then the reflection comes in, right? So by
the definition, when you're healed, that means
you got better, okay? But with anything, you
might be better in this moment and then the next
moment you're not. So give yourself the grace
for you to understand that and for you not to
beat yourself up because somebody expects you
to be here and you find yourself here because
you're not there yet. So it's different. Yeah,
I think that that was also a very a very interesting
way to kind of put that that it is still very
individual and very personal and it does kind
of remind me of again a lot of the things I just
connect back to the walk is success on the walk
to me looked very different than everybody that
I talked to like I had people tell me that I
was wrong for raising the money for the nonprofits
that I chose and that I should be doing this
or that or my message should be this or should
be this other message, right? And I think that
that is something to. remembering to bring into
it and your answer to my question was basically,
it depends on you, on the situation, on how you,
like what definition do you even want to use
in that given moment? Because even what came
up for me was, you know, something is healed
when it is returned back to, like I'm thinking
of a car accident, right? Like pre -accident
condition. But even then the pieces may be different.
It may not even be the same pieces anymore. If
you have a cut, like I have scars, like there's
that scar tissue. It's healed. but it's not perfect
like it was before, right? And I think that that
is, I feel like that's gonna be something I mull
over on my next few walks as I'm thinking after
this podcast. So thank you for that. That's what
we're here for. We're here to learn from each
other. And then just sometimes just looking at
things from a different perspective than how
you've been looking at it, right? Because sometimes
that makes a big difference. It's all about how
you think and how... One of the things that I
was thinking about as you were speaking, we cannot
and we should not, sometimes we do ignore the
cultural aspect of it, right? You know, like
on this side of the world, we promote individualism,
but on the Easter side of the world is collectivism,
right? So you also have to take those things,
because I love my diverse clients, because one
of the things that I never take for granted is
the beauty of our difference, the differences
between us. we need to take into consideration
because I remember when I was stationed in Korea
and like in Korea, people are close, right? And
here in UIA, protect my, watch my space, give
me space. But in another culture, that's a sign
of a unity. But here is a sign of violation and
things like that. So understanding the different
cultural aspect. And I think maybe that's something
that I can add. Coming from Belize, coming from
a different culture, I'm able to appreciate the
differences that our culture bring that makes
us stronger instead of, again, what divides us.
Yeah. And I think that's something so interesting
too, especially with your background and how
much you've traveled, not just immigration -wise,
but also on the side of the military. And I have
one of your web pages pulled up right now with
your, what, five different books that you've
written so far. So one, I'm going to link this
because I think this is so cool that you have
so many. During the process, because I've noticed
that people that write books, so far, they don't
really just stop at one, right? Like there's
usually a several books or a series. And what
about the process of writing for you, like resonates
with you? What is important to it for you? Hey,
I'm glad you asked that question because I started
writing because I was an angry individual, right?
And you talk about tools. And that's why I can
relate to a lot of the clients that I work with.
So I used to, you know, I'm not proud of it.
But when I was angry, I used to punch the walls.
Right. And so one day something again in my brain
told me, hey, idiot, you're angry and you're
hurting yourself. Why don't you try something
different? Why don't you try something new? So
I started writing. Any time I got angry, I wrote.
And so that's why, again, I'm getting ready to
start on my next book. My goal is to write 10
books in 10 years. So I started writing as a
coping mechanism, a positive coping mechanism
to dealing with anger. But something else that
also guided me was, hey, the anger is the symptom.
But what is the source of the anger? And again,
when I remember I told you, from your heart,
when you journal, journal from your heart. And
so by doing that, I was able to then figure out
that part of my anger came from what I didn't
realize at the time, but what I considered abandonment.
So something that I teach my clients and I teach
the individuals again that I'm blessed to work
with is that when it comes to emotions, there's
usually more than one emotion that's at play.
There's at least two. You have the primary emotion
and you have the secondary emotion. People usually
see the secondary. They see the anger. Great,
that's the secondary. They don't see the prime.
What is the source of that anger, right? Fear.
A lot of us do things out of fear, and it shows
and manifests itself into something else that
nobody understand until you're able to, again,
assess and realize, like, okay, I got to deal
with this. So I say, when you come and you work
the best at mental resilience counseling, we
go to the source, right? And now you come in
with the symptom, but once you address the source,
I'm not saying the symptom is going to go away,
but the symptoms, once you address the source,
becomes less and less than when you first came
in. Gotcha. And I love that too, because I think
that, like you said, people always try to fight
the symptom. It's the same idea of You know,
you you have a cough. So if I take cough medicine,
but it's like there might be something that you're
breathing in that's causing that there might
be something to remove from the situation or
be aware of about your situation. And I think
that that's so interesting. I'm so glad that
you found a way to channel all of that energy,
because I know that these books are so helpful
and useful. I mean, the less like there, whether
it's lessons from your dad, the the. your book
about police, your lessons from a service member.
I think what's also interesting is any one of
these books could be the book that somebody writes,
right? Like their core piece of identity. And
what I'm seeing in your book so far is it's almost
like different pieces of the same person. Yes,
yes. And that's, you bring up a good point, but
then that's what resilience is about, right?
And that's what hope is about. And that's why
those two words are the tenets of which. I stand
on and I teach on because through, again, you
mentioned some of the other books, values, right?
So in values, you know, I wrote values for people
who don't like to read. It's like about 40, like
43 pages. And what I want to teach people, again,
that can also help with resilience and hope is
build your values. Know what your values are
and know what your value is. See, values and
value, they're connected, but they're not the
same. Right? Your value is your importance. What's
important? Worth. What do you work? And so when
I wrote that book, again, I thought like, hey,
you know, people always talk, a lot of people
talk about money, money, money, money, money.
Well, if you, if you, what happens if you keep
on chasing something, right? And that's how,
that's how I think. And so I try to put how I
think on paper. If you chase something, it's
running away from you. But what if you stop chasing
something and build yourself, build up your resilience,
right? Be hopeful about the future. Now, if money
is important to you, would you run away from
money if it starts chasing you? And that's just
the concept of how I look at, okay, so build
your resilience, right? Build your hope, find
again, find these things that gets you to understand,
right? The grit, right? Because people, a lot
of people ask me, like, hey, isn't... Grit and
perseverance the same as resilience. I said no
they in the same family, but they're not the
same right right grit You've stuck like you find
a way to continue to go right so great and again
if there's a third third element of Resilience
and hope is great persevere. I I think I made
I coined this phrase I don't know I haven't really
heard it unless I said and some of my friends
now they say I said Persistence beat resistance
every time. And some people challenge me. They're
like, you don't know what you're talking about.
But then I explain it to them this way. The only
way persistence win is for you not to stop until
you get to your objective. You'll have resistance
in the way, but the minute you stop at that resistance,
then you're not persistent. Persistence doesn't
stop. until you get to the objective. So those
are some of the skill sets and the tools that
I use, whether it's in the military, whether
it's in different areas of life. Those are some
of the skills. Sometimes you have to talk to
yourself. I tell people all the time, your brain
is your best friend and your worst enemy. When
your brain is in charge of you, is in control,
you're in trouble because the brain takes you
to places it knows exist that it has already
been through. while you're not aware of it, but
then it sometimes take you to places that you
don't need to go. So sometimes you need to just
tell your brain, brain, I got this. You know,
like thinking in the brain, right? Brain, I got
this. I'll take it from here. And you'll be surprised
how the brain listens to you. And a lot of people
don't, and again, these are some of the tools
that I teach within the opportunities that's
given to them. That's awesome. And again, I love
that you're able to take all these tools or these
different lessons and apply it to or help other
people apply it to their lives as well. And final
question, if you were to have the world's attention
for 60 seconds, you and I are walking in the
middle of Oklahoma, we find a lamp, a genie pops
out and grants you that one gift. What would
you want the world to know in line with your
messaging in 60 seconds? Man, that's a... That's
a tough question. I would definitely promote,
especially to men, young men, older men, and
just men in general. I'm not, you know, I'm not
paying attention to women, but I would say stop
pretending and it's okay to cry. It's okay to
release what it is that you're going through
and it's okay to get help, right? You're not
weak by getting help. That actually shows signs
of strength. Okay. And so for me, That's one
thing I would promote to our younger men and
men in general, because we think that if we break
down, if we cry, we're weak. No, that shows strength.
And one of the things that I constantly push
to those that I'm blessed to serve is that let
it go as soon as possible so that it doesn't
build up. Because if you don't let it go in this
moment, it still needs to be let go. And I promise
you, whether you realize it or not, you will
let it go. But if you don't do it on your times,
You'll do it on the world's turn, which usually
don't turn out good. Awesome. Dr. Castillo, if
somebody is listening right now and they're thinking,
man, I need to let it go. I need to learn these
different tools. I need to learn about myself.
What would be the best way for them to connect
with you and learn more about you and your work?
I appreciate that question. Definitely. They
can reach out to me. They can go to the website,
www .mentalresiliencecounseling .com. I also
have my number 813. 358 -6332. And those are
the ways that they can definitely get in touch
with me. I have my social media. I can share
that because there's so many, right? But yeah,
those are the best ways. And again, I love to
help people. I know I've been talking a lot,
but believe me, I like to listen more than I
talk, right? So definitely. And the last thing
I'd like to share with the audience before we
go is this picture behind me, right? So when
I was in Korea, I bought a whole bunch of paintings,
because I'm an enthusiast. You know, that's how
I stay calm as well, too. And I bought this painting,
and I used this painting usually within my first
and second session. And I asked the clients,
tell me what you see. I know we don't have time,
so, because usually it could take up to like
45 minutes to an hour. But you do know the poem
Footprints in the Sand? And that's exactly what
this is a replica of in a different genre, right?
But this is what I want to tell my clients and
my audience, and this is what I want to tell
your audience. This represents that we're human.
We can't do it all. And one of the things that
I'll never forget that my dad taught me, I didn't
understand it when he told me, but no man is
annihilating. And if you know what the poem footprint
means, or if you don't, please look it up and
you'll know that you cannot do it alone. This
here is an opportunity for us to help each other
get from this moment to our next moment, no matter
what that moment is. But we cannot do it alone.
And I appreciate you giving me the opportunity
to come and share my thoughts, because these
are just things that my thoughts that I take
and I share with those that I'm blessed to share
it with. And I just I just love coming up with
different concepts. But again, I try to keep
it simple so that you could remember who's going
to forget you can do things alone. This right
here is a collaboration, right? That young lady,
she couldn't walk in that moment, but she still
got to where she got to because somebody helped
her out. Let's help each other out. Let's help
each other learn to be resilient, rebuild resilience,
reestablish resilience, and hold onto that hope
so that when we go through the eye of the storm,
that can get us out of it so that we can then
get the help that we need. I love that. And I'll
be sharing all of your content info as well in
the show notes where it starts to easily grab.
And I'll see if I can figure out a way to link
a photo so that if anybody's listening on audio,
that they'll also be able to easily see the photo
that you are referring to. But Dr. Charles Castillo,
thank you so much for hanging out with us today.
I feel like I have a lot I need to go digest
and chew on, and I'm sure those listening do
as well. Thanks again, Manger, for having me.
And any time that anybody needs to just come
up with something out of something or nothing,
hey, I look forward to, again, sharing. but more
than just sharing, learning as well. And I've
learned from you because walking across America,
I guess what? You definitely got it. My best.
Awesome. I appreciate it. I'll talk to you later.
Thank you very much. Stay safe. Stay blessed,
everybody.