WEBVTT

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Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening,

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everybody, and welcome to today's episode of

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the Never Peak Project Podcast. I'm your host,

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Coach Ranger, and today we have a very special

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guest for all of you. Now, as most of you know,

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something that I talk a lot about in my material,

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whether it is about my walk across the country,

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business, et cetera. is the idea that no one

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is coming to save you, that each of us are responsible

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for how our own lives go, and really just the

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decisions that we make, the actions that we take

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on a daily basis. Really just avoiding that idea

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of the world is happening to me rather than I

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am out there creating the life that I want to

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live. Now, and one of those things that I do

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on a daily basis myself is a lot of networking.

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I've posted a lot of episodes about BNI, how

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to be successful in these networking groups.

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That is not just about showing up. That's the

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number one thing you need to do, but it's about

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making connections along the way. And one of

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those connections that I made recently is with

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another coach who reached out to me after a B

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&I speed networking event. And he said, hey,

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I'm also a coach. I saw that you're a coach.

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Let's talk. And really, that's the thing that

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I love about the personal development space is

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that even though that we are all very similar,

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whereas we're all, you know. coaches, life coaches,

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executive coaches, accountability coaches, whatever

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you want to call it, there's a lot of room for

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growth and collaboration within the industry.

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And I ended up having a one -to -one with this

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guy. It was awesome. I really, really resonated

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with a lot of what he was saying. And I was like,

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we need to get you on the show as soon as possible.

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So today I'm very excited to introduce all of

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you, a coach, a mentor for young men and young

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adults, Ricky Carilli. Ricky, thank you so much

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for joining us today. My pleasure, Ranger. Happy

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to be here. I'm super excited to get started

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in this. So could you just give us a brief introduction

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of who you are, how you landed in coaching, and

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what exactly the transformation off your clients

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is? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So as mentioned,

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I am a life coach and mentor for young adult

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and teen males, generally ages 16 to about 30.

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And I always say that The reason there's about

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a 15 -year age gap is because becoming a man

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isn't so much about age as it is your willingness

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to take on responsibility. So I have kids as

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young as 16 and young men as old as 31 years

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old at this point all across the country. I actually

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have a client out all the way in Barcelona in

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Spain right now. So who am I? How did I end up

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doing this? I think I covered the first part.

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Now, the reason I ended up doing this, I looked

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around and see a failing society, you know, and

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a lot of that is what I experienced firsthand.

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So between the ages of about 17 to 25, for lack

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of better words, like I was lost. I made personally

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all. the wrong decisions you could make in the

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process of becoming a man. So when I looked around,

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when I finally got, you know, my shit together,

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25 years old is, you know, what really, when

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I started, but it took years, I started to notice

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that it wasn't just me. It was a lot of, a lot

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of young men were going through that. Well, you

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think, well, how does that make sense? Because

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College graduation rates are probably higher

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than they've ever been before. More people go

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to college now than ever before. Well, the reason

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is because the things that I struggled with aren't

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taught in school. They're not taught in colleges,

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universities. So it comes down to what are those

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skills that really lead you to become successful

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no matter what career path you decide to choose?

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And how do I teach those? So I always say, is

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it possible to learn this stuff on your own?

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I think it is. I did. But it took me a decade.

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And I think with coaches, one of the biggest

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advantages of having a coach is bypassing years

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of trying to figure everything out on your own,

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whether it's business or life coaching or anything.

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You can find this information on your own, especially

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in today's age. But having someone to tell you,

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hey, ignore all that fluff. This is what you

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need to focus on. And this is what worked for

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me. So having someone that you can relate to

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and see, okay, well, this person's been through

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that struggle too, or this person has overcome

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these failures and they're successful. It gives

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that relatability factor. And I think that is

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one of the most important things that ends up

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as a reason why clients choose coaches. You know,

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it's not because a coach isn't covered by your

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insurance, as far as I know. So you're not just

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going to your insurance like, hey, what options

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do I have? Okay, yeah, pick this one. They're

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covered. You know, okay, great. And that is a

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reason why most of the kids that I work with,

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they've tried therapy before. It didn't work.

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Now, the reason for that, I say, is the same

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thing for me. You know, I had a therapist when

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I was younger. And the real issue is young men

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don't want to talk about their feelings. You

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know, they don't want to continuously relive

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the past. And I don't think anyone does. And

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I can tell you for a fact that that is not the

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way to move forward. You know, there's a ton

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of research out there now, like you need that

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forward thinking growth mindset. And that's something

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that, you know, we teach. But a young man needs

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a purpose, you know, beyond that, like they need

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some goals to strive for. They need confidence.

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You know, you need to have self -awareness and

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a growth mindset, like I mentioned. And a slew

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of other things. I mean, we have three programs

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currently. So there's the fundamentals for success,

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which is going to teach you, you know, the basics,

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like give you a foundation for life. And then

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we have confidence to thrive, which is like the

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next level up. And then lastly, we have the competitive

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edge. And now that's a little more advanced stuff.

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So clients come to me in all different situations.

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But most of the kids I work with, they have to

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start with fundamentals. If you're not learning

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this stuff in school and you don't want to spend

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10 years watching YouTube videos, reading a hundred

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different personal development books, and then

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implementing it in your life, where else are

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you going to learn that? You know, in your experience,

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like is without a coach or a mentor of some sort,

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have, have you come across anywhere else that

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like people learn these things? In a way that

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is sustainable? Definitely not. And that was

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something that I definitely want to talk to you

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more about to kind of go a little bit deeper

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on. When it comes to finding a coach or a mentor,

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I mean, of course, you and I are biased because

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we are coaches. But what is it about – yeah,

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a little bit. And we've had experiences with

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different coaches and we've seen the transformation

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that we've gotten with clients as well as just

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our own transformation. But when it comes to

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the fluff and the noise that's out there in the

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personal development stage, I mean, the personal

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development industry is just absolutely insane.

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What is it? There's like the people that kind

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of just consume it and consume it, consume it

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and do nothing about it. Yeah. And I was that

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person for a long time. And what I was going

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to ask you is how do you know, like even for

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yourself, what is worth consuming and what is

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worth just kind of leaving off to the wayside?

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Yeah, that's a great question. So I spent, no,

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I got, I went to school and got, I have a background

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in psychology and sociology. I spent a decade

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not using it. i was in construction you know

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i had a well -paying job um in the union and

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i just decided like you know what i have more

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to offer and at some point i said well what is

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gonna give me that credential that qualification

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of where people say okay i'll actually pay this

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guy money um so i went and got a master's degree

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in human service counseling and life coaching

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and now i can tell you that I didn't learn exactly,

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you know, yeah, it's focused on how to become

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a coach, but I didn't learn exactly what I'm

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teaching these kids. Most of it, I didn't. I

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didn't learn that in my graduate degree. I learned,

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you know, a little bit about time management

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and the way to structure things and certain delivery

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methods. But most of it is life experience. And

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that's how I figure out, okay, well. What is

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the most important? I've spent a lot of time

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structuring these things to where I know, okay,

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I have a long list of things I want to teach,

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like 20 different options. It started with more

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than that. And I really had to narrow it down

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and say, okay, well, what are most of the kids

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that are going to come to me going to be lacking?

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Well, how do you find that out, really? Experience.

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It really comes to experience. Well, when you

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get... 10 clients, what do they think about?

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You get 20 clients. Now, what are their biggest

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concerns? You get 50 clients. Now, I've had dozens

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and dozens of clients at this point all across

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the country. Now, I have some real data and I

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can see like, hey, a large percentage of them

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struggled with A, B, C, and D. So I know that

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that is what most people are struggling with.

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So that needs to be a foundation. And then I

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realized, Well, if we're going to teach things

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like, you know, goal setting and like financial,

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you know, basic financial understanding. I'm

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not a financial advisor by any means. But if

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we're going to teach a little bit more advanced

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things like networking and, you know, how to

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present and speak proper. I think you need to

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know. The the fundamentals, you know, you need

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to have a solid foundation, again, that they

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don't teach in school. So when I put out this

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list of stuff, like, OK, these are all of the

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things that I would love to teach people. These

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are all the things I have firsthand experience

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with. Not I read a book, not I pull this off

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chat GPT or, you know, I watched a couple of

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videos on YouTube. I strive on on. The authenticity

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that I am only ever going to teach things that

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I have experience with. And if I don't know,

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I am very open to say, you know, actually, I'm

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not the guy to do that. You know, but I hopefully

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through my network can connect you with someone

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who has better experience in that. But it comes

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down to an order of operations. Like you can't

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do X. You can't even learn X until you figure

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out why. Or maybe vice versa. So that's how I

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figured out, okay, these are the basics of what

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you need to move forward. This is slightly more

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advanced. And then this is like the third one,

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competitive edge is you can't do any of those

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unless you have that foundation below you. And

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that's how I figured out. But again, you can

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find data. I mean, we're living in the age of

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technology. There's no shortage of information

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and knowledge to consume. But it came from experience.

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You know, 50 clients later, I'm like, okay, this

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is the biggest things right here. And then these

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are some of the things that people mentioned

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they want to work on after they understand this

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stuff. So yeah, that's how I kind of figured

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that out. Yeah, I mean, that totally makes sense.

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I mean, that's the best way to learn is through

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actual experience and throwing yourself through

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the ringer. I mean, the best way to learn something

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is to screw it up first. Because then you're

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going to learn what it takes, what it doesn't

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take. And when it comes to the main issues that

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young men are facing, especially, I mean, it

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sounds like you have a pretty good pulse on it

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across the country, across the world, even with

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students all across everywhere, apparently. What

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would you say are the major areas that young

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men are struggling with in today's age and why?

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Okay. And most of those are in the fundamentals.

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Definitely self -awareness. And now I'm not the

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guy who's going to sit there and tell you, hey,

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you know, listen, I do think meditation is powerful,

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you know, but I'm not that guy. Like, I'm not

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the guy you come to to learn how to meditate

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or pray. There's other people doing that. But

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being self -aware, knowing, excuse me, not just

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where you think you are in the world, not who

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you're comparing yourself to social media as,

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like, how do you figure out who you are? You

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know, you have to sit down and take some time

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and really think about it. One of the ways I

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do that is a wheel of life. You know, grade yourself

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in these areas on a scale of 1 to 10. That's

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like the basic, basic of, you know, everyone

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could sit down and do that. It's going to take

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you five minutes. And there's a free link we

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could hook you up with also. But then it's like,

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hey, write down your strengths and weaknesses.

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What are your values? You know, how are you raised?

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Are you happy with the way you're raised? What

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are your beliefs? How do your beliefs of what

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truth is differ from what truth might actually

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be in the world? How does the reality that you

00:14:08.539 --> 00:14:11.500
call reality differ from what the rest of the

00:14:11.500 --> 00:14:14.919
world calls reality? And the only way to find

00:14:14.919 --> 00:14:17.279
that out is sit down and think about it and write

00:14:17.279 --> 00:14:20.220
it out. One of the things I'm very strong on

00:14:20.220 --> 00:14:23.740
is write everything down. Write everything out.

00:14:23.779 --> 00:14:26.500
I have hundreds and hundreds of notes in my phone.

00:14:27.019 --> 00:14:29.759
you know pieces of paper that folders everywhere

00:14:29.759 --> 00:14:32.639
notebooks covered because i spent so many years

00:14:32.639 --> 00:14:36.220
living in here and nothing ever happened you

00:14:36.220 --> 00:14:37.860
know because it's just you're like a squirrel

00:14:37.860 --> 00:14:40.139
you know you got that squirrel brain with all

00:14:40.139 --> 00:14:43.080
these ideas you have great great ideas but until

00:14:43.080 --> 00:14:45.679
it goes down on paper like now i one of the things

00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:48.940
i teach is you know scheduling and agendas like

00:14:48.940 --> 00:14:51.419
when you're in an environment where you're in

00:14:51.419 --> 00:14:54.419
high school or even college or Up to that point

00:14:54.419 --> 00:14:56.139
in your life, your life is scheduled for you.

00:14:56.159 --> 00:14:57.659
You know where you have to be when you have to

00:14:57.659 --> 00:14:59.379
be there. And you didn't have to decide that.

00:14:59.440 --> 00:15:01.740
Someone else decided that for you. Now, what

00:15:01.740 --> 00:15:03.399
happens when you go into the real world? Yeah,

00:15:03.460 --> 00:15:05.399
maybe you get a job and you have to be there

00:15:05.399 --> 00:15:07.539
nine to five, five days a week. But what else

00:15:07.539 --> 00:15:09.559
are you doing with your life? Everyone's got

00:15:09.559 --> 00:15:12.720
the excuse, right? Oh, I don't have time. Well,

00:15:12.820 --> 00:15:15.259
it's easy to say that until you sit down and

00:15:15.259 --> 00:15:16.899
you see on a calendar, you're like, well, damn,

00:15:16.980 --> 00:15:19.379
actually, I got, you know, two hours here and

00:15:19.379 --> 00:15:21.960
two hours here and all day Saturday and all day

00:15:21.960 --> 00:15:24.399
Sunday. And then all of a sudden that excuse

00:15:24.399 --> 00:15:27.779
of not having enough time is like, well, actually

00:15:27.779 --> 00:15:29.519
you have time. Okay, so then what's the reason

00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:31.620
you're not doing anything? It's not a priority.

00:15:32.539 --> 00:15:35.080
So what are your priorities? Again, I think that's

00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:37.799
partially self -awareness, partially goal setting.

00:15:39.179 --> 00:15:44.679
Another thing is intimidated of the real world.

00:15:44.860 --> 00:15:47.759
I think a lot of the kids I work with have a

00:15:47.759 --> 00:15:51.370
misconception that everyone in the real world

00:15:51.370 --> 00:15:54.110
is a super professional and extremely good at

00:15:54.110 --> 00:15:56.570
what they do and I just try to tell them like

00:15:56.570 --> 00:16:00.250
it's not the case you know like so many people

00:16:00.250 --> 00:16:02.929
are just faking it until they make it you know

00:16:02.929 --> 00:16:06.169
and the coaching industry also but like in the

00:16:06.169 --> 00:16:09.129
world in general like most people are just showing

00:16:09.129 --> 00:16:11.690
up you know and that's one of the things I tell

00:16:11.690 --> 00:16:15.429
them like just show up you know you'll see that

00:16:15.429 --> 00:16:18.299
it's you know people aren't you know that advanced

00:16:18.299 --> 00:16:21.460
like you're not much further behind so all the

00:16:21.460 --> 00:16:23.440
schooling in the world you talk to any professional

00:16:23.440 --> 00:16:26.320
uh especially the successful ones they'll tell

00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:28.440
you like you're gonna learn anything in school

00:16:28.440 --> 00:16:30.600
that you're gonna use in the real world you know

00:16:30.600 --> 00:16:32.600
great you got a degree now it's time to learn

00:16:32.600 --> 00:16:36.220
um so you know intimidation of the real world

00:16:36.220 --> 00:16:41.899
mindset for sure uh and everyone harps on you

00:16:41.899 --> 00:16:44.320
know mindset mindset mindset mindset and it's

00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:48.000
like a cliche And, you know, the reason why people

00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:52.299
harp on that is because it's important. You can't

00:16:52.299 --> 00:16:55.480
do anything without that growth mindset, you

00:16:55.480 --> 00:16:57.419
know, and you do it for long enough. And I'm

00:16:57.419 --> 00:16:59.700
kind of at the point, like I could barely even

00:16:59.700 --> 00:17:02.360
see anymore. Like, how can you have a fixed mindset?

00:17:02.879 --> 00:17:04.740
You know, there's a fix in a growth mindset.

00:17:04.819 --> 00:17:07.539
I'm sure you're aware, but the fixed mindset

00:17:07.539 --> 00:17:09.880
that says, well, I'm born with this skill and

00:17:09.880 --> 00:17:11.819
this is all I'm ever going to be. And I suck

00:17:11.819 --> 00:17:14.970
at math. Well, so does everyone else that first

00:17:14.970 --> 00:17:18.410
starts doing it. I suck at basketball. Well,

00:17:18.470 --> 00:17:20.970
so does everyone else. So did Kobe Bryant before

00:17:20.970 --> 00:17:23.210
he picked up a basketball and spent six hours

00:17:23.210 --> 00:17:26.329
a day in the gym. So that's the growth mindset

00:17:26.329 --> 00:17:30.970
that says, not I suck at basketball, but I know

00:17:30.970 --> 00:17:33.690
that I can be better if I put in the time, if

00:17:33.690 --> 00:17:36.329
I put in the effort. And that's one of the things

00:17:36.329 --> 00:17:41.210
that we work on a lot. Another one is procrastination.

00:17:42.190 --> 00:17:45.289
Now, where does procrastination come from? A

00:17:45.289 --> 00:17:49.349
lot of distractions in today's world. Instagram,

00:17:49.750 --> 00:17:54.069
Facebook, social media in general, TikTok, YouTube.

00:17:54.710 --> 00:17:58.009
There is no shortage of distractions in the world.

00:17:58.069 --> 00:18:01.450
And that's just virtual. And even good things

00:18:01.450 --> 00:18:03.849
could be a distraction too. Your family. You

00:18:03.849 --> 00:18:05.950
want to give attention to your family. But hey,

00:18:06.029 --> 00:18:09.410
sometimes it pulls you in a direction. But they're

00:18:09.410 --> 00:18:12.230
the priority. That's another thing. People should

00:18:12.230 --> 00:18:16.549
know, like, don't chase anything. Money is not

00:18:16.549 --> 00:18:19.250
more important than people. You know, that's

00:18:19.250 --> 00:18:24.230
one of the big lessons in life. But yeah, procrastination

00:18:24.230 --> 00:18:29.750
of why, speaking of why, why do you procrastinate?

00:18:30.549 --> 00:18:34.670
Because that thing you're doing isn't important.

00:18:34.750 --> 00:18:37.549
That thing you're delaying to do is not important

00:18:37.549 --> 00:18:40.710
enough. You don't know why you want to do that.

00:18:41.579 --> 00:18:44.599
So part of it is finding that why. And there's

00:18:44.599 --> 00:18:47.720
one of the most famous, most viewed videos on

00:18:47.720 --> 00:18:52.019
TikTok is Simon Sinek finding your why. Highly

00:18:52.019 --> 00:18:53.700
recommend that. It's like a 12 minute video,

00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:57.099
15 minutes of, you know, how do you find your

00:18:57.099 --> 00:19:00.180
why? What is going to be that reason that you

00:19:00.180 --> 00:19:02.960
wake up every day? You know, there's definitely

00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:05.380
no shortage of people in the world that are waking

00:19:05.380 --> 00:19:07.500
up every single day to go to a job that they

00:19:07.500 --> 00:19:11.599
hate to come home to a house that. They don't

00:19:11.599 --> 00:19:14.220
even want to be in anymore, you know, to, to

00:19:14.220 --> 00:19:17.119
pay bills, to, to run the rat race, you know,

00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:21.440
is what it is. Um, and I, I get it, uh, of procrastination.

00:19:21.440 --> 00:19:23.700
I spent many years procrastinating. I mean, there's

00:19:23.700 --> 00:19:26.539
still things that I'm like, eh, I don't, I don't

00:19:26.539 --> 00:19:27.859
want to do that right now. I don't have to do

00:19:27.859 --> 00:19:30.859
that right now. But now I operate off a system

00:19:30.859 --> 00:19:34.000
and something I teach them was like, if it's

00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:36.400
a one priority, you know, you have to do that

00:19:36.400 --> 00:19:39.549
right away. Write down a list. Write down a to

00:19:39.549 --> 00:19:43.470
-do list and your agenda. Put your absolute priorities

00:19:43.470 --> 00:19:46.309
in a calendar. The real world is operating off

00:19:46.309 --> 00:19:50.289
a calendar. If it's not in there, it's not happening.

00:19:50.710 --> 00:19:52.769
There's a 50 -50 chance it's going to happen

00:19:52.769 --> 00:19:55.769
at best. But if something's in my calendar, I

00:19:55.769 --> 00:19:57.630
know I'm going to get it done. And then I have

00:19:57.630 --> 00:19:59.670
my list of things that never ends, really, that

00:19:59.670 --> 00:20:01.690
you cross things off and add more every day.

00:20:02.109 --> 00:20:06.480
And that is where... I plug those things into

00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:10.119
the spots on my calendar that I have free, which

00:20:10.119 --> 00:20:13.700
is few and far between. But that's kind of how

00:20:13.700 --> 00:20:16.380
I figure that out. Also, it's good to know that

00:20:16.380 --> 00:20:20.220
a form of procrastination is looking at this

00:20:20.220 --> 00:20:24.359
to -do list that you create and constantly choosing

00:20:24.359 --> 00:20:27.500
the easier task. So maybe you have 10 things

00:20:27.500 --> 00:20:30.460
on there that you have to do. The one at the

00:20:30.460 --> 00:20:32.900
bottom is nowhere near as important as another

00:20:32.900 --> 00:20:36.460
one. So how I differentiate that, you know, asterisks

00:20:36.460 --> 00:20:40.339
or, hey, this is an A1, which A1 priority means

00:20:40.339 --> 00:20:43.160
like, yo, this is the top. Do not do anything

00:20:43.160 --> 00:20:45.880
else until you finish this. You know, and then

00:20:45.880 --> 00:20:47.519
once that's done, I'm like, okay, what's next?

00:20:48.200 --> 00:20:51.500
A2. That means I looked at this list. Okay, there's

00:20:51.500 --> 00:20:53.900
10 things I have to do in the next week or so.

00:20:54.339 --> 00:20:56.619
What's the order of operations? What are my biggest

00:20:56.619 --> 00:20:59.369
priorities? What can wait a few days? You know,

00:20:59.390 --> 00:21:02.769
you take it like that. So, you know, procrastination,

00:21:02.869 --> 00:21:10.009
I would say, is one of them. Confidence. Confidence.

00:21:10.210 --> 00:21:15.450
Really, so many, so many guys of all ages are

00:21:15.450 --> 00:21:19.390
lacking confidence. Now, when we talk about confidence,

00:21:19.650 --> 00:21:24.250
how do you build it? How do you figure out, you

00:21:24.250 --> 00:21:27.680
know, who you are, what you're about? You look

00:21:27.680 --> 00:21:29.579
at the only way to really do that is, you know,

00:21:29.579 --> 00:21:32.059
look at your actions. What have you done? You

00:21:32.059 --> 00:21:33.519
know, that's how you figure out who you are.

00:21:33.599 --> 00:21:37.940
Now, if you haven't done shit in years or you've

00:21:37.940 --> 00:21:40.599
just done the bare minimum or you've just done

00:21:40.599 --> 00:21:44.319
whatever everyone else has done, the easy stuff,

00:21:44.440 --> 00:21:47.980
the bare minimum to survive. If that's all you've

00:21:47.980 --> 00:21:50.019
done in your life in the past several years.

00:21:51.240 --> 00:21:53.940
There should be no wonder why you're not confident.

00:21:54.500 --> 00:21:57.089
You know. Why would you be confident about doing

00:21:57.089 --> 00:21:59.130
stuff that everyone else can do? Doing the easy

00:21:59.130 --> 00:22:02.369
stuff. That doesn't make people confident. So

00:22:02.369 --> 00:22:06.069
how do you gain confidence? Through action. You

00:22:06.069 --> 00:22:09.009
know, you got to take action. You know, uncomfortable

00:22:09.009 --> 00:22:12.450
action. That's where growth occurs. That's the

00:22:12.450 --> 00:22:14.970
only place. The only place you can grow is through

00:22:14.970 --> 00:22:19.190
uncomfortable action. And, you know, it's intimidation,

00:22:19.230 --> 00:22:21.849
as I mentioned. Of, oh my God, there's when you

00:22:21.849 --> 00:22:23.529
finally wake up and realize like, wow, I have

00:22:23.529 --> 00:22:26.450
to make all of these changes in my life. Yeah,

00:22:26.569 --> 00:22:29.309
maybe. But you probably got to start with one.

00:22:30.009 --> 00:22:32.750
Like, let's make one positive change. Do that

00:22:32.750 --> 00:22:34.490
for a couple of weeks and let's add something

00:22:34.490 --> 00:22:36.630
else. You know, let's add another thing after

00:22:36.630 --> 00:22:40.009
that. So it comes in steps. And then at some

00:22:40.009 --> 00:22:42.549
point, three months down the road, six months

00:22:42.549 --> 00:22:44.509
down the road, a year down the road, even longer.

00:22:45.069 --> 00:22:48.349
You look back and you're like. I have done some

00:22:48.349 --> 00:22:50.490
stuff that I'm proud of. All of a sudden, you

00:22:50.490 --> 00:22:53.089
start to stand different. You start to look people

00:22:53.089 --> 00:22:56.470
in the eye. Your confidence begins to change.

00:22:56.970 --> 00:23:00.849
But before you do anything, you ain't got much

00:23:00.849 --> 00:23:04.849
to be confident about. So that is another huge,

00:23:05.089 --> 00:23:08.529
huge issue. And it goes into relationships and

00:23:08.529 --> 00:23:10.769
dating too. I was just talking with another coach.

00:23:11.549 --> 00:23:14.029
And she's a relationship coach. And she's talking

00:23:14.029 --> 00:23:17.019
about... You know, the problem is like so many

00:23:17.019 --> 00:23:19.299
women I talk to saying like, there's no good

00:23:19.299 --> 00:23:22.400
men out there. Well, there is good men out there.

00:23:22.420 --> 00:23:23.900
You know, there's a lot of good men out there.

00:23:23.980 --> 00:23:27.039
The problem is they don't have the balls to go

00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:30.720
up to a girl in real life and say, hey, you know,

00:23:30.759 --> 00:23:34.819
I'm wondering, you know, my name is Ricky. It's

00:23:34.819 --> 00:23:36.740
nice to meet you. I was wondering if, you know,

00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:38.400
maybe we can get to know each other a little.

00:23:39.440 --> 00:23:42.980
Okay, you know why? Well, we might as well lead

00:23:42.980 --> 00:23:45.279
right into the next thing. This is the last thing.

00:23:45.339 --> 00:23:49.440
I'll cut it after this. Fear of rejection. Fear

00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:54.079
of failure is a huge, huge reason why people

00:23:54.079 --> 00:23:57.720
aren't doing shit. A lot of the clients I encounter

00:23:57.720 --> 00:24:01.079
struggle with that. And like you were saying

00:24:01.079 --> 00:24:06.880
before, being willing to experience failure and...

00:24:08.259 --> 00:24:11.019
Continue on. That's another way you build confidence.

00:24:11.079 --> 00:24:12.859
Awesome, Ricky. So we just had a little bit of

00:24:12.859 --> 00:24:14.940
tech issues. We're jumping a week ahead now.

00:24:15.420 --> 00:24:18.400
So different looks, different pictures, but the

00:24:18.400 --> 00:24:20.559
same great content. And what we were just talking

00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:23.019
about right now were all the issues that young

00:24:23.019 --> 00:24:26.440
men are facing in today's society. And just kind

00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:28.220
of recap, it sounds like the main issues really

00:24:28.220 --> 00:24:31.539
are self -awareness, intimidation of the real

00:24:31.539 --> 00:24:35.619
world, mindsets. and specifically around their

00:24:35.619 --> 00:24:38.920
growth mindset and being a victim, clarity of

00:24:38.920 --> 00:24:42.059
direction and having a clear purpose, prioritization

00:24:42.059 --> 00:24:45.359
of tasks, confidence through action, building

00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:47.880
up your confidence through taking imperfect action,

00:24:48.039 --> 00:24:50.640
and then fear of rejection is just what we were

00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:52.660
talking about. And it really sounds like those

00:24:52.660 --> 00:24:55.490
are things that yes, we're talking mostly about

00:24:55.490 --> 00:24:58.210
young men, but can definitely apply to a ton

00:24:58.210 --> 00:25:01.049
of different people. So when it comes to referring

00:25:01.049 --> 00:25:04.349
to specifically young men, like why is that specifically

00:25:04.349 --> 00:25:06.390
your focus with this? Or is that just kind of

00:25:06.390 --> 00:25:09.430
the easiest vibe that you've been able to find

00:25:09.430 --> 00:25:11.950
to work with or speak to? Or can you talk a little

00:25:11.950 --> 00:25:13.730
bit about that really quick? Yeah, for sure.

00:25:14.390 --> 00:25:18.829
It definitely is hitting every demographic in

00:25:18.829 --> 00:25:22.970
society. The reason I speak about that is because

00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:26.579
Those are, that's the demographic that I specifically

00:25:26.579 --> 00:25:29.220
work with that I have firsthand experience in.

00:25:29.299 --> 00:25:32.519
If you look at research and statistics, like

00:25:32.519 --> 00:25:35.640
it's, it's all across the board, a lot of these

00:25:35.640 --> 00:25:39.440
things. But the reason I have, you know, figured

00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:44.740
out that my niche is young men, like young adolescent

00:25:44.740 --> 00:25:49.829
males is because I figured out that. though that's

00:25:49.829 --> 00:25:52.329
who relates to me because I look back I'm like

00:25:52.329 --> 00:25:54.049
well where did I make all the biggest mistakes

00:25:54.049 --> 00:25:58.690
in my life where did I really need help and kind

00:25:58.690 --> 00:26:01.490
of thought I knew everything and refused to take

00:26:01.490 --> 00:26:04.710
advice or be guided by anyone it was during that

00:26:04.710 --> 00:26:10.029
period between about 17 to 25 is where I really

00:26:10.029 --> 00:26:11.890
made you know every mistake you could make trying

00:26:11.890 --> 00:26:14.569
to become a young man so that's really why I

00:26:14.569 --> 00:26:17.900
gravitated towards that and I realized that I

00:26:17.900 --> 00:26:21.079
just have a unique ability to connect with kids

00:26:21.079 --> 00:26:23.880
that age, you know, males that age specifically.

00:26:24.279 --> 00:26:26.440
And I think that they look at me and I'm like,

00:26:26.500 --> 00:26:28.660
you know, I'm not too old. I'm not too young.

00:26:29.359 --> 00:26:32.900
But I'm kind of up to date with things, you know,

00:26:32.920 --> 00:26:36.279
like what the kids are into. And just, you know,

00:26:36.319 --> 00:26:38.960
I talk to them on their level. I don't want to

00:26:38.960 --> 00:26:41.279
be the guy who sits across from them, you know,

00:26:41.299 --> 00:26:45.480
arms folded. knees crossed you know wearing some

00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:48.660
fancy sweater with a button down like i'm not

00:26:48.660 --> 00:26:51.140
that guy you know so the fact that i come across

00:26:51.140 --> 00:26:54.299
how i am you know how i'm dressed now um this

00:26:54.299 --> 00:26:57.759
is how i meet them i might have a profile with

00:26:57.759 --> 00:27:00.519
a headshot but outside of that like and a lot

00:27:00.519 --> 00:27:02.099
of them it's funny a lot of them come to me and

00:27:02.099 --> 00:27:04.940
they're like oh you know like my my mom was telling

00:27:04.940 --> 00:27:07.440
me about you and then i saw your your profile

00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:10.160
picture and i was like oh like this guy's like

00:27:10.160 --> 00:27:12.599
super like professional looking But then you

00:27:12.599 --> 00:27:15.039
go into my profile, you watch my videos, and

00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:19.940
I'm just a bro teaching younger bros how to win

00:27:19.940 --> 00:27:22.480
at life. Really, if you could sum it up in one

00:27:22.480 --> 00:27:26.140
sentence, that's what I'm doing. Just a bro helping

00:27:26.140 --> 00:27:28.180
bros. And I think that's the most important thing,

00:27:28.259 --> 00:27:31.619
right, is when we are – because I see a lot of

00:27:31.619 --> 00:27:34.000
people, and I don't want to get too deep into

00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:36.519
this part of it, but people like, oh, why aren't

00:27:36.519 --> 00:27:38.539
you just talking to young men or young women

00:27:38.539 --> 00:27:40.799
or this or that? And it's like, well, because

00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:43.210
– I have the experience there. That's what I

00:27:43.210 --> 00:27:46.250
can speak to. And if you feel it's like the idea

00:27:46.250 --> 00:27:49.829
of if you sit there and say someone should do

00:27:49.829 --> 00:27:51.710
something about this, you should take a step

00:27:51.710 --> 00:27:54.430
back and realize that you are someone. If you're

00:27:54.430 --> 00:27:56.890
in the position to be a mentor, to be a person,

00:27:56.970 --> 00:27:59.569
to be somebody that can support people like you

00:27:59.569 --> 00:28:04.710
5, 10, 15, 20 years ago, you have that piece

00:28:04.710 --> 00:28:08.289
of responsibility almost to be that figure, to

00:28:08.289 --> 00:28:10.819
be that real life hero that can say, I've been

00:28:10.819 --> 00:28:12.900
here. This is where I screwed up. Let's speed

00:28:12.900 --> 00:28:15.599
up your learning process so that you don't waste

00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:18.640
a month, two months, three years, whatever of

00:28:18.640 --> 00:28:20.880
your life because of this problem. Oh, yeah.

00:28:20.940 --> 00:28:24.720
Way, way, way longer. Way longer. Really? For

00:28:24.720 --> 00:28:27.500
myself, it was a decade before. And that's what

00:28:27.500 --> 00:28:29.359
I say. Like, you know, is it possible to learn

00:28:29.359 --> 00:28:32.240
this stuff on your own? Yeah. But I wasted years

00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:35.819
watching thousands, I would say thousands of

00:28:35.819 --> 00:28:38.920
hours of YouTube videos and not garbage, you

00:28:38.920 --> 00:28:41.880
know, good stuff. But I made the mistake and

00:28:41.880 --> 00:28:44.660
what I tell a lot of people is don't make the

00:28:44.660 --> 00:28:47.779
mistake of just consuming information. I read

00:28:47.779 --> 00:28:50.799
100 books on personal development. Half of them

00:28:50.799 --> 00:28:54.579
I could tell you maybe a summary. But I always

00:28:54.579 --> 00:28:59.140
say that the longer the distance between obtaining

00:28:59.140 --> 00:29:02.500
knowledge and implementing it, the less likely

00:29:02.500 --> 00:29:05.869
you are to actually learn from it. Because, you

00:29:05.869 --> 00:29:09.109
know, what is wisdom? To me, wisdom is applied

00:29:09.109 --> 00:29:11.529
knowledge, you know, that comes from experience.

00:29:12.450 --> 00:29:15.250
Who's smarter? The person who spends a thousand

00:29:15.250 --> 00:29:17.910
hours, you know, reading books and watching videos

00:29:17.910 --> 00:29:20.230
and that never applies it? Or the person who

00:29:20.230 --> 00:29:21.970
doesn't spend that time at all and just does

00:29:21.970 --> 00:29:23.930
whatever they want? I mean, if neither one of

00:29:23.930 --> 00:29:26.089
them are going to use the information, I mean,

00:29:26.109 --> 00:29:30.799
why even learn it? Yeah, there's a concept that

00:29:30.799 --> 00:29:33.180
I try to abide by in my backgrounds in agriculture

00:29:33.180 --> 00:29:36.039
and farming, and I know a lot of that more. But

00:29:36.039 --> 00:29:37.640
it's like you can sit there and you can read

00:29:37.640 --> 00:29:39.640
a thousand books about how to grow a tomato.

00:29:39.700 --> 00:29:41.579
You could watch the YouTube videos. You could

00:29:41.579 --> 00:29:44.319
talk to the Harvard and UC Davis professors that

00:29:44.319 --> 00:29:46.940
specialize in that crop and commodity. But until

00:29:46.940 --> 00:29:49.700
you actually go out in the field, plant the seeds

00:29:49.700 --> 00:29:52.609
and. go through the process of watering it, of

00:29:52.609 --> 00:29:55.170
taking care of it, day in and day out, doing

00:29:55.170 --> 00:29:57.529
the inputs, you're never going to be able to

00:29:57.529 --> 00:30:00.089
actually harvest the fruit. Yeah, 100%. You have

00:30:00.089 --> 00:30:03.049
to be able to do the work physically, not just

00:30:03.049 --> 00:30:04.990
mentally. Yeah, and that's what a lot of kids

00:30:04.990 --> 00:30:07.809
that are intimidated by the real world have this

00:30:07.809 --> 00:30:12.049
concept in their head that everyone's got their

00:30:12.049 --> 00:30:14.789
shit together, and everyone's super professional

00:30:14.789 --> 00:30:17.450
at what they're doing, and they're all experts.

00:30:17.730 --> 00:30:20.809
And I remember thinking that way too. And then

00:30:20.809 --> 00:30:22.069
you get into the real world and you're like,

00:30:22.109 --> 00:30:25.569
like, I don't know how this person has a job,

00:30:25.589 --> 00:30:27.390
you know, and you meet so many people that are

00:30:27.390 --> 00:30:30.089
just like faking it until you make it. So, you

00:30:30.089 --> 00:30:31.650
know, I try to motivate them by saying like,

00:30:31.690 --> 00:30:33.170
you don't have to be perfect. You're applying

00:30:33.170 --> 00:30:37.529
for, you know, an opening position, like an entry

00:30:37.529 --> 00:30:39.569
level position. Like they're not expecting you

00:30:39.569 --> 00:30:43.609
to have CEO qualities. Like they're just expecting

00:30:43.609 --> 00:30:45.849
you really to just show up. I mean, most of the

00:30:45.849 --> 00:30:50.019
jobs I had prior to this is like. You don't even

00:30:50.019 --> 00:30:52.579
have to be good at it. Like they just like, especially

00:30:52.579 --> 00:30:55.480
in today's world, like if you want to just keep

00:30:55.480 --> 00:30:58.079
a job, all you got to do is like show up and

00:30:58.079 --> 00:31:00.319
do the bare minimum. Now I don't promote that,

00:31:00.420 --> 00:31:02.980
but if you're intimidated by not being, you know,

00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:05.539
an expert at what you're doing, like step one,

00:31:05.619 --> 00:31:10.420
like just show up. That is the biggest thing.

00:31:10.519 --> 00:31:13.140
I mean, in BNI, one of our, during one of our

00:31:13.140 --> 00:31:16.680
meetings, we had to end our 32nd with our key

00:31:16.680 --> 00:31:19.940
to success. And mine was just do the damn thing.

00:31:20.160 --> 00:31:22.599
You just need to show up. You need to go to the

00:31:22.599 --> 00:31:25.160
event. You need to go shake hands. Like if you're

00:31:25.160 --> 00:31:27.500
not showing up, if you're not doing the step

00:31:27.500 --> 00:31:30.599
one, you're never going to get to step two. Another

00:31:30.599 --> 00:31:34.119
thing I've heard is be impatient with your inputs,

00:31:34.180 --> 00:31:36.960
but patient with your outputs. And it's like,

00:31:36.980 --> 00:31:39.599
you just need to do the work. Like the outcome

00:31:39.599 --> 00:31:42.500
will, the outputs will come eventually, but only

00:31:42.500 --> 00:31:44.720
if you're actually out there planting the seeds.

00:31:44.759 --> 00:31:50.160
Yeah, absolutely. And something that we are focusing

00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:52.700
on a lot right now is the personal accountability

00:31:52.700 --> 00:31:55.559
or things that young men or anybody that resonates

00:31:55.559 --> 00:31:58.480
with the message can take away from this. And

00:31:58.480 --> 00:32:01.299
something that I've gotten pushback on or questioning

00:32:01.299 --> 00:32:04.680
is in terms of the difference between fault,

00:32:04.900 --> 00:32:08.710
responsibility, and accountability. And I think

00:32:08.710 --> 00:32:10.769
there's a lot of things where some things may

00:32:10.769 --> 00:32:12.670
not be our faults, but it's our responsibility

00:32:12.670 --> 00:32:15.150
to take care of it. But there might be some things

00:32:15.150 --> 00:32:18.710
that are out of our control. But if we're saying

00:32:18.710 --> 00:32:21.109
that everything is our fault or our thing to

00:32:21.109 --> 00:32:23.910
take care of our responsibility, there's like

00:32:23.910 --> 00:32:26.390
some kind of blurred lines. So I was just curious

00:32:26.390 --> 00:32:28.190
if you could kind of go over that relationship

00:32:28.190 --> 00:32:31.660
of fault, responsibility. And how that can apply

00:32:31.660 --> 00:32:35.240
to young men just starting off, say the 18 year

00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:37.180
old that just graduated from high school. Yeah.

00:32:37.460 --> 00:32:41.720
So I'll say before I forget this, like you can't

00:32:41.720 --> 00:32:44.720
deem yourself at fault for anything until you

00:32:44.720 --> 00:32:47.180
realize that you're responsible for something,

00:32:47.299 --> 00:32:53.359
you know? And the first step, like you can't

00:32:53.359 --> 00:32:55.980
hold yourself accountable to something you don't

00:32:55.980 --> 00:32:59.680
know that you're responsible for. And I think

00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:03.099
that taking on, like when you're a boy, this

00:33:03.099 --> 00:33:06.740
is what I say. Adult, like by law, you become

00:33:06.740 --> 00:33:10.279
an adult at 18 and, you know, 21 for, you know,

00:33:10.279 --> 00:33:13.279
for other stuff, right? You're an adult. You

00:33:13.279 --> 00:33:16.779
can do most things in the adult world. But in

00:33:16.779 --> 00:33:22.410
your brain, like mentally. There is no age. Maybe

00:33:22.410 --> 00:33:25.309
society says you're supposed to be an adult at

00:33:25.309 --> 00:33:28.009
this age. But in my experience, in my own life,

00:33:28.049 --> 00:33:32.269
in the clients I work with, being an adult doesn't

00:33:32.269 --> 00:33:35.950
have an age. I work with 16 -year -old kids who

00:33:35.950 --> 00:33:38.369
are full -blown ready to crush it in the real

00:33:38.369 --> 00:33:42.609
world. And I work with kids up to, I call them

00:33:42.609 --> 00:33:47.279
kids, but young men in their 30s. And they're

00:33:47.279 --> 00:33:50.460
not really ready to crush it, you know? And like

00:33:50.460 --> 00:33:54.619
what I've determined it comes down to is becoming

00:33:54.619 --> 00:33:58.119
an adult is all about your willingness to take

00:33:58.119 --> 00:34:02.319
on responsibility. So when you become a base

00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:04.759
level adult, like when you just get out there

00:34:04.759 --> 00:34:07.849
and you're adulting, right? You just have to

00:34:07.849 --> 00:34:10.550
do the bare minimum, but that's responsibilities

00:34:10.550 --> 00:34:13.230
compared to what you used to do, which wasn't

00:34:13.230 --> 00:34:14.969
much. If you came from your parents' house and

00:34:14.969 --> 00:34:16.230
they did everything for you, it was probably

00:34:16.230 --> 00:34:19.889
nothing. So now just you functioning as a basic

00:34:19.889 --> 00:34:23.030
human being doing everyday tasks, to you that's

00:34:23.030 --> 00:34:25.510
responsibility. The same thing in business too.

00:34:26.849 --> 00:34:30.389
You always feel stressed out when you're starting

00:34:30.389 --> 00:34:32.489
off or you're trying to level up or you're trying

00:34:32.489 --> 00:34:36.619
to scale a business. That's so important to feel

00:34:36.619 --> 00:34:38.880
that way. I was just talking to a client about

00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:43.960
that today. That feeling of uncomfortability

00:34:43.960 --> 00:34:47.900
is what generates confidence. Pushing through

00:34:47.900 --> 00:34:51.000
that feeling, doing difficult things. That is

00:34:51.000 --> 00:34:54.219
the only way to build confidence. Now, you know,

00:34:54.239 --> 00:34:56.400
we could talk about it all day long, but it really

00:34:56.400 --> 00:34:59.719
comes down to what are you doing when you look

00:34:59.719 --> 00:35:03.230
back? You're defining yourself by your actions.

00:35:03.389 --> 00:35:05.449
And what do you have to be proud of if you're

00:35:05.449 --> 00:35:07.690
just doing the bare minimum, if you're just doing

00:35:07.690 --> 00:35:10.269
what everyone else is doing, if you're just doing

00:35:10.269 --> 00:35:13.909
what is expected of you? That's why it's so important,

00:35:13.949 --> 00:35:16.289
like for, you know, everyone, but especially

00:35:16.289 --> 00:35:20.170
young men to find a purpose. You know, it sounds

00:35:20.170 --> 00:35:22.469
super cliche today, like, oh, you know, find

00:35:22.469 --> 00:35:25.849
your purpose. But like, no, seriously, find your

00:35:25.849 --> 00:35:29.079
purpose. Get a reason to be fired up, excited

00:35:29.079 --> 00:35:32.199
to wake up in the morning. And I know a lot of

00:35:32.199 --> 00:35:35.880
people are in a job that they're not too thrilled

00:35:35.880 --> 00:35:39.539
about. And I get it. I've been there. I'm not

00:35:39.539 --> 00:35:43.039
saying it's easy to back out of that situation.

00:35:43.320 --> 00:35:46.019
I'm not oblivious to the real world that we got

00:35:46.019 --> 00:35:48.619
bills and families and things going on. You can't

00:35:48.619 --> 00:35:51.860
just drop out. Most people are living check to

00:35:51.860 --> 00:35:56.650
check. And just having that fixed mindset of

00:35:56.650 --> 00:35:59.090
like, well, this is my job. Put what someone

00:35:59.090 --> 00:36:01.489
else going to pay my bills? No, they're not.

00:36:01.650 --> 00:36:03.750
But you know, if that's the route you choose,

00:36:03.849 --> 00:36:06.750
is that the easy route that you're signing up

00:36:06.750 --> 00:36:11.690
for 3040 years of going to a job that you hate

00:36:11.690 --> 00:36:14.940
living a life that you're Listen, I'm not going

00:36:14.940 --> 00:36:16.659
to throw around the word happy. I don't hold

00:36:16.659 --> 00:36:21.239
a ton of value in being happy. Everyone should

00:36:21.239 --> 00:36:25.199
just be happy. For me to be happy, I need to

00:36:25.199 --> 00:36:29.860
feel fulfilled. I need to be on my purpose, grinding.

00:36:30.559 --> 00:36:33.679
And the only way that happens is to live in a

00:36:33.679 --> 00:36:37.179
world of stress. And you could get shit under

00:36:37.179 --> 00:36:39.380
control and still be stressed out on a daily

00:36:39.380 --> 00:36:41.940
basis. But there's good stress and bad stress.

00:36:42.440 --> 00:36:45.460
You're going to let the good stress, the good

00:36:45.460 --> 00:36:48.199
stress is going to build you up, you know, and

00:36:48.199 --> 00:36:50.380
it's these things that you overcome and you get

00:36:50.380 --> 00:36:53.480
better in time. Bad stress is that shit that

00:36:53.480 --> 00:36:55.639
eats you up. And generally that comes from, you

00:36:55.639 --> 00:36:57.480
know, just not taking action on things, you know,

00:36:57.500 --> 00:36:59.820
you should be taking action on. So, you know,

00:36:59.820 --> 00:37:02.059
that's where accountability is. You won't have

00:37:02.059 --> 00:37:04.280
accountability or feel responsible for anything

00:37:04.280 --> 00:37:11.070
until you take on more stuff. Yeah. And what

00:37:11.070 --> 00:37:13.530
you're just saying is hitting kind of close right

00:37:13.530 --> 00:37:15.329
now because I just got off a call with one of

00:37:15.329 --> 00:37:18.769
my business consulting clients. And that's what

00:37:18.769 --> 00:37:22.409
we were talking about is as time goes on, things

00:37:22.409 --> 00:37:25.510
come up. Like there's a proverb that goes, you

00:37:25.510 --> 00:37:27.670
know, behind every mountain is a mountain. That

00:37:27.670 --> 00:37:29.389
every time you get to the top of something, another

00:37:29.389 --> 00:37:32.210
problem arises. This was specifically around

00:37:32.210 --> 00:37:34.289
her marketing for her business. She's like, you

00:37:34.289 --> 00:37:36.820
know, like I just figured out. the clearer offer,

00:37:36.920 --> 00:37:38.659
but now I got to figure out how to communicate

00:37:38.659 --> 00:37:40.539
it to people. And now I need a lead magnet. Now

00:37:40.539 --> 00:37:42.579
I need this. Now I need that. She's like, it

00:37:42.579 --> 00:37:44.820
just feels like it's so much constantly all the

00:37:44.820 --> 00:37:47.659
time. I feel that it's like, yeah, because this

00:37:47.659 --> 00:37:49.639
is what you chose. This is the hard that you

00:37:49.639 --> 00:37:52.900
picked. And it's like, either you can pick the

00:37:52.900 --> 00:37:54.800
heart you want in your life or life will give

00:37:54.800 --> 00:37:56.920
you the heart. And it's really about just being

00:37:56.920 --> 00:38:00.000
intentional with, you know, running a business

00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:02.380
is hard working for someone else. The rest of

00:38:02.380 --> 00:38:04.550
your life is hard. Doing these things is going

00:38:04.550 --> 00:38:06.449
to be difficult, but it's about making that intentional

00:38:06.449 --> 00:38:11.170
decision of what you want. And to go back to

00:38:11.170 --> 00:38:12.550
another thing you're saying, I mean, I have my

00:38:12.550 --> 00:38:15.449
own way of like guiding my clients towards mission

00:38:15.449 --> 00:38:18.190
and purpose and values and vision. And I'm just

00:38:18.190 --> 00:38:19.489
kind of curious if you could share with us, like,

00:38:19.489 --> 00:38:23.130
what is your take on young men finding their

00:38:23.130 --> 00:38:25.150
own purpose? Like, what does that look like to

00:38:25.150 --> 00:38:28.969
you? The excellent exercise, great question,

00:38:29.030 --> 00:38:32.329
but excellent exercise that I have all of them

00:38:32.329 --> 00:38:35.300
do. I'm going to butcher the name. It's a Japanese

00:38:35.300 --> 00:38:37.539
name, and I've been made fun of for pronouncing

00:38:37.539 --> 00:38:41.699
it wrong, but it's called Ikigai, I -K -I -G

00:38:41.699 --> 00:38:46.460
-A -I. I think that is a genius exercise for

00:38:46.460 --> 00:38:50.480
them to do because it puts it in – I'll explain

00:38:50.480 --> 00:38:52.579
it in a lesson of like, hey, this is what it

00:38:52.579 --> 00:38:57.440
is. What do you like to do? What can you picture

00:38:57.440 --> 00:38:59.380
yourself doing forever and not waking up and

00:38:59.380 --> 00:39:02.829
hating your life? What does the world need? What

00:39:02.829 --> 00:39:05.710
are you going to make money doing? And we talk

00:39:05.710 --> 00:39:09.610
about it, but them being able to see it in four

00:39:09.610 --> 00:39:12.690
circles and say, okay, well, I just got it. And

00:39:12.690 --> 00:39:15.210
it's like, hey, straight up, just fill this in.

00:39:15.429 --> 00:39:17.989
Fill in whatever comes to mind that you think

00:39:17.989 --> 00:39:19.769
could fit in this circle, and then this one,

00:39:19.849 --> 00:39:21.969
and then this one, and then this one. And then

00:39:21.969 --> 00:39:25.329
where do they overlap? And so if you don't have,

00:39:25.510 --> 00:39:28.699
and I'm not saying that. That is your path for

00:39:28.699 --> 00:39:31.739
life. It changes. My own path has changed several

00:39:31.739 --> 00:39:35.619
times. But if you don't know where you want to

00:39:35.619 --> 00:39:39.300
go, just start moving. And you don't want to

00:39:39.300 --> 00:39:43.519
move just completely randomly. So a lot of the

00:39:43.519 --> 00:39:46.320
kids that I work with are maybe they got a college

00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:48.719
degree or they're graduating high school, but

00:39:48.719 --> 00:39:51.460
they're not really sure what they want to do.

00:39:51.579 --> 00:39:53.559
They got a degree in something. Okay, I have

00:39:53.559 --> 00:39:55.900
an idea. I'm going to go into business. All right,

00:39:55.900 --> 00:39:58.750
great. That could be a thousand different things.

00:39:59.349 --> 00:40:02.489
What, what do you, what do you like to do? You

00:40:02.489 --> 00:40:04.150
know, like if you don't, and this is another

00:40:04.150 --> 00:40:07.309
thing before I forget this, that if you have

00:40:07.309 --> 00:40:10.469
no skills and you don't have a degree and you

00:40:10.469 --> 00:40:12.389
don't have a path forward, so let's say you're

00:40:12.389 --> 00:40:15.909
16 years old and you're just, and you're just

00:40:15.909 --> 00:40:17.869
getting your working papers and you can go get

00:40:17.869 --> 00:40:20.989
a job. Now I'm not knocking anyone who has a

00:40:20.989 --> 00:40:24.610
job doing something like this, but like if you

00:40:24.610 --> 00:40:27.139
have an option, If you're going to make $15 an

00:40:27.139 --> 00:40:29.840
hour, no matter what you're doing, right? And

00:40:29.840 --> 00:40:34.000
the option is either stock shelves or go be a

00:40:34.000 --> 00:40:38.519
waiter somewhere. Go be a waiter somewhere. Because

00:40:38.519 --> 00:40:42.960
the skill that you're gaining of being personable

00:40:42.960 --> 00:40:46.960
and having to please a customer, right? That

00:40:46.960 --> 00:40:50.219
is lifelong value. Stocking those shelves, yeah,

00:40:50.280 --> 00:40:52.280
you might learn some organization skills and

00:40:52.280 --> 00:40:55.179
kind of how to take orders. you know, be a little

00:40:55.179 --> 00:40:58.280
bit responsible, but like the skill of being

00:40:58.280 --> 00:41:03.000
personable and customer satisfaction is just,

00:41:03.019 --> 00:41:05.099
you know, unmatched. It doesn't matter what you're

00:41:05.099 --> 00:41:06.840
doing. You know, if you're going into business

00:41:06.840 --> 00:41:09.340
of any sort, you need some kind of sales experience.

00:41:09.480 --> 00:41:13.280
You need people like it's impossible to do, to

00:41:13.280 --> 00:41:16.719
do life without other people. And I think that's

00:41:16.719 --> 00:41:18.840
one of the biggest things BNI has shown me is

00:41:18.840 --> 00:41:21.539
like, it's very hard to do everything on your

00:41:21.539 --> 00:41:23.900
own, but you don't need to. There's a network

00:41:23.900 --> 00:41:25.780
of other people who are willing to help you out,

00:41:25.860 --> 00:41:28.820
but you won't bring value to the world. That's

00:41:28.820 --> 00:41:31.199
why personal development is so important because

00:41:31.199 --> 00:41:34.760
the more valuable you are as a person, the more

00:41:34.760 --> 00:41:37.039
value you bring to the world. The more you expand

00:41:37.039 --> 00:41:40.159
your skill set and your mindset, the more opportunities

00:41:40.159 --> 00:41:44.440
you're going to have. Exactly. And I think there's

00:41:44.440 --> 00:41:46.500
another concept that I learned that I – looking

00:41:46.500 --> 00:41:50.599
back at my own 18 through 24, which – When I

00:41:50.599 --> 00:41:52.340
was in school, I had mostly research projects

00:41:52.340 --> 00:41:54.559
that I was working for and making some extra

00:41:54.559 --> 00:41:57.920
cash. But right as soon as I graduated, I had

00:41:57.920 --> 00:42:00.519
the option of taking a $40 ,000 a year job in

00:42:00.519 --> 00:42:04.599
a lab. And I think it was just the idea of what

00:42:04.599 --> 00:42:06.239
it meant to have a degree that was fed to me.

00:42:06.360 --> 00:42:08.619
I thought that that was way too low of a salary

00:42:08.619 --> 00:42:11.300
to get for someone with a Bachelor of Science.

00:42:11.900 --> 00:42:14.139
So I said, no, I'll figure it out. I'll get something

00:42:14.139 --> 00:42:16.400
else. And it's like one of those big regrets

00:42:16.400 --> 00:42:17.940
that like, maybe I wouldn't have ended up where

00:42:17.940 --> 00:42:20.239
I am now, but it would have taken me somewhere

00:42:20.239 --> 00:42:24.340
else. But it was the concept of, are you in your

00:42:24.340 --> 00:42:26.880
season of earning or your season of learning?

00:42:27.739 --> 00:42:30.280
That are you going to be going for the, if you're

00:42:30.280 --> 00:42:33.320
making 16 stocking shelves and you're getting

00:42:33.320 --> 00:42:35.820
those like very basic soft skills or making,

00:42:35.880 --> 00:42:39.039
let's say 15 a dollar less doing the waiter.

00:42:39.559 --> 00:42:41.480
Like you should probably still do the waiter

00:42:41.480 --> 00:42:43.519
depending on your situation. Oh, absolutely.

00:42:43.679 --> 00:42:46.099
I would say, I mean, up to five hours an hour

00:42:46.099 --> 00:42:50.280
or less. Yeah. Is you should be taking these

00:42:50.280 --> 00:42:52.679
opportunities to learn more. Like I'm sure I

00:42:52.679 --> 00:42:55.000
would have learned a heck of a lot more in that

00:42:55.000 --> 00:42:57.559
role that I said no to than what I ended up when,

00:42:57.619 --> 00:43:00.480
if with during COVID. So it would have been a

00:43:00.480 --> 00:43:02.380
lot better, but it was just like, you have those

00:43:02.380 --> 00:43:05.380
blinders on of I'm chasing more money. And I

00:43:05.380 --> 00:43:07.199
think you said it earlier is that like the goal

00:43:07.199 --> 00:43:09.659
of life isn't to chase the money. It's to be

00:43:09.659 --> 00:43:12.760
in your values and do something that is, you

00:43:12.760 --> 00:43:14.559
know, it helps others. It helps yourself. And

00:43:14.559 --> 00:43:16.639
it's something that the world really needs. And

00:43:16.639 --> 00:43:18.280
I think that that was something that I wish I

00:43:18.280 --> 00:43:20.559
knew at that moment when I rejected the job.

00:43:21.139 --> 00:43:23.820
But again, you know, it's the, what is it? The

00:43:23.820 --> 00:43:26.659
burnt toast theory that if you dwell on these

00:43:26.659 --> 00:43:27.860
things that you could have, should have done

00:43:27.860 --> 00:43:30.980
differently, something else could have happened.

00:43:31.079 --> 00:43:33.579
I also just kind of, yeah. What were you going

00:43:33.579 --> 00:43:35.659
to say? I mean, I went through the same thing

00:43:35.659 --> 00:43:38.420
when I graduated. I had a. degree in psychology

00:43:38.420 --> 00:43:40.539
and sociology. I'm like, oh, hey, great. I'm

00:43:40.539 --> 00:43:42.219
going into the real world. I graduated college.

00:43:42.440 --> 00:43:45.019
My life is set. I'm, you know, palace white picket

00:43:45.019 --> 00:43:49.500
fence. Wrong. Here's the job making $13 an hour.

00:43:49.559 --> 00:43:52.500
And I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm, you

00:43:52.500 --> 00:43:55.239
know, my value is too high. You know, I don't

00:43:55.239 --> 00:43:57.039
regret anything. I'm past that point in my life

00:43:57.039 --> 00:43:58.860
where I have regrets because it led me, all my

00:43:58.860 --> 00:44:01.719
experiences have led me to where I am now to

00:44:01.719 --> 00:44:04.480
be in a position of a ton of experience of life.

00:44:05.000 --> 00:44:09.000
and mistakes that now i've used in to help other

00:44:09.000 --> 00:44:11.500
people avoid these mistakes and you know now

00:44:11.500 --> 00:44:14.480
i'm very good at what i do but i wouldn't be

00:44:14.480 --> 00:44:16.739
i wouldn't even be in this position if i never

00:44:16.739 --> 00:44:20.000
made the mistakes along the way that i made um

00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:22.340
and back to your point on like making a couple

00:44:22.340 --> 00:44:24.940
dollars less like i would say up to five dollars

00:44:24.940 --> 00:44:26.900
and a whole less maybe more i don't think you

00:44:26.900 --> 00:44:29.659
put a value on it because by the time you get

00:44:29.659 --> 00:44:32.059
smacked with another realization of being adult

00:44:32.059 --> 00:44:35.420
taxes By the time you get hit with taxes and

00:44:35.420 --> 00:44:36.800
you realize, hey, the more you make, the more

00:44:36.800 --> 00:44:39.739
they take, it doesn't really add up to that much.

00:44:40.219 --> 00:44:46.380
So I always say, if you're 20, 25 or younger,

00:44:46.539 --> 00:44:50.420
always choose experience over money, unless you've

00:44:50.420 --> 00:44:53.539
got a starving baby in the house already. It's

00:44:53.539 --> 00:44:55.519
just so much more valuable, but that's why finding,

00:44:55.599 --> 00:44:58.000
you know, your purpose in life, like a general

00:44:58.000 --> 00:45:00.380
career path that you think you're pretty, pretty

00:45:00.380 --> 00:45:02.519
much going to be okay. Sticking with is very

00:45:02.519 --> 00:45:05.960
important because you're building a resume, you

00:45:05.960 --> 00:45:07.699
know, like compared to like, what are you going

00:45:07.699 --> 00:45:10.599
to do? Put on, you decide like that, you know,

00:45:10.619 --> 00:45:12.260
you want to chase your field and like, what are

00:45:12.260 --> 00:45:14.539
you going to put on a resume? Like, yeah, you

00:45:14.539 --> 00:45:16.800
know, I got experience like stocking shelves.

00:45:16.940 --> 00:45:18.639
All right, great. You can work in the facts,

00:45:18.639 --> 00:45:20.980
in the facts room. You could organize the documents

00:45:20.980 --> 00:45:24.170
in a law firm. Like, you know, you want to just

00:45:24.170 --> 00:45:26.289
be on your path because you're not going to get

00:45:26.289 --> 00:45:28.789
the best job right away or, you know, even a

00:45:28.789 --> 00:45:30.809
year or two in. That's another problem with like

00:45:30.809 --> 00:45:33.250
this generation, even our generation. But the

00:45:33.250 --> 00:45:36.389
youngest generation is like, like a year is too

00:45:36.389 --> 00:45:38.590
much for them to work. Like they should have

00:45:38.590 --> 00:45:40.889
everything already. You know, a couple of years

00:45:40.889 --> 00:45:43.690
like I've been doing this for two years. Like,

00:45:43.690 --> 00:45:46.590
yeah. And but it's less than that. It's like,

00:45:46.590 --> 00:45:48.150
oh, I've been doing this for like three months

00:45:48.150 --> 00:45:50.690
now. Like, it's just not working out. It's like.

00:45:51.239 --> 00:45:54.239
it's not supposed to work out yet like it's three

00:45:54.239 --> 00:45:57.800
months you know but when you're younger it just

00:45:57.800 --> 00:45:59.739
feels like such a long time it's only when you

00:45:59.739 --> 00:46:01.699
start getting older and you mature a little bit

00:46:01.699 --> 00:46:04.059
that you're like you realize how fast time goes

00:46:04.059 --> 00:46:08.559
yeah i think that's the other thing too is just

00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:11.380
like the which i'm not sure how much of it plays

00:46:11.380 --> 00:46:13.480
into social media or tiktok or these like shorter

00:46:13.480 --> 00:46:16.659
attention spans but i mean also when you're young

00:46:17.289 --> 00:46:19.550
three months of your life when you're 18 is a

00:46:19.550 --> 00:46:23.750
significant portion compared to 27, 37, 45. You

00:46:23.750 --> 00:46:26.610
know what I mean? Like that time is in relevant

00:46:26.610 --> 00:46:30.269
terms to them a lot longer than it really is.

00:46:30.610 --> 00:46:33.650
But it's just about like that setting of expectations.

00:46:34.150 --> 00:46:37.909
Like reality is not meeting expectations. And

00:46:37.909 --> 00:46:40.010
because they've held that expectation for so

00:46:40.010 --> 00:46:43.190
much longer than that reality time, that almost

00:46:43.190 --> 00:46:46.019
is overtaking. what they think should actually

00:46:46.019 --> 00:46:50.480
be going on compared to what is. So it's just

00:46:50.480 --> 00:46:51.920
like that weird thing. And I think it's like

00:46:51.920 --> 00:46:54.820
what you're saying is that if they don't have

00:46:54.820 --> 00:46:58.039
someone like you or a coach or a guide, or they

00:46:58.039 --> 00:47:00.300
haven't done a lot of reading or research, when

00:47:00.300 --> 00:47:02.539
that happens, they don't have any kind of learning

00:47:02.539 --> 00:47:04.420
or backing to understand really what's going

00:47:04.420 --> 00:47:08.519
on. And that is why someone like you that can

00:47:08.519 --> 00:47:11.539
help them speed up that process is so valuable.

00:47:12.399 --> 00:47:14.980
It's partly, you know, society. But yeah, good

00:47:14.980 --> 00:47:17.019
luck blaming society. A lot of good that's going

00:47:17.019 --> 00:47:20.719
to do. But I think the tide is slowly changing

00:47:20.719 --> 00:47:23.199
of what people are expecting out of college.

00:47:23.320 --> 00:47:25.880
You know, you look at statistics and more and

00:47:25.880 --> 00:47:27.760
more people are going to get a graduate degree

00:47:27.760 --> 00:47:31.519
because the equivalent of a high of, you know,

00:47:31.539 --> 00:47:33.260
back in the day, like you had, you know, when

00:47:33.260 --> 00:47:35.079
our parents are growing up, like not a ton of

00:47:35.079 --> 00:47:37.000
people went to college. So it was like, oh, yeah,

00:47:37.079 --> 00:47:38.900
they went to college. Like, you know, they're

00:47:38.900 --> 00:47:42.460
extra qualified. But now every like. I would

00:47:42.460 --> 00:47:45.559
say in the 80 percentile at least, I don't know

00:47:45.559 --> 00:47:49.500
the stats on this, but most kids go to some form

00:47:49.500 --> 00:47:52.400
of college out of high school now. So in a way,

00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:56.239
it loses its value of setting you apart. So now

00:47:56.239 --> 00:47:58.619
people are looking like, well, what can I do

00:47:58.619 --> 00:48:02.539
to set myself apart from the herd so more people

00:48:02.539 --> 00:48:05.250
go to graduate school? And then, you know, well,

00:48:05.329 --> 00:48:07.750
what do you do? And I'm not knocking it because

00:48:07.750 --> 00:48:09.730
I have these degrees, right? I don't associate

00:48:09.730 --> 00:48:11.849
a ton of value with it, but like I have them

00:48:11.849 --> 00:48:13.590
because there's people who do associate value

00:48:13.590 --> 00:48:16.429
with it. And I was playing that game for a long

00:48:16.429 --> 00:48:19.809
time. So I did that. But now you have, say you

00:48:19.809 --> 00:48:22.630
have a master's degree. What separates you from

00:48:22.630 --> 00:48:24.750
all these other people with a master's degree?

00:48:25.550 --> 00:48:28.289
And I think it's probably, you know, at some

00:48:28.289 --> 00:48:31.849
point, like people are starting to realize like,

00:48:31.909 --> 00:48:37.119
well. What else outside of academia is going

00:48:37.119 --> 00:48:40.619
to set me apart? And this is what I try to do.

00:48:40.780 --> 00:48:44.940
This is my full intent is teaching the life skills,

00:48:45.099 --> 00:48:48.980
the things that really matter, regardless of

00:48:48.980 --> 00:48:50.920
your field of interest and your career path,

00:48:51.059 --> 00:48:53.980
the core things that really matter that will

00:48:53.980 --> 00:48:57.300
set you apart from just somebody else who went

00:48:57.300 --> 00:49:00.019
to school. Like, and you know, to all the parents

00:49:00.019 --> 00:49:02.880
out there, Big deal. You could, your kid has

00:49:02.880 --> 00:49:05.679
straight A's like, what else do they do? You

00:49:05.679 --> 00:49:08.500
know, if all they do is school and memorize things

00:49:08.500 --> 00:49:11.760
and, and they're robots of the system, like with

00:49:11.760 --> 00:49:15.119
nothing else going on and their whole worth and

00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:17.500
their whole self value is based on their grades.

00:49:17.539 --> 00:49:20.440
Like no wonder why kids, you know, lose their

00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:23.099
mind. They get a B in a class, you know, like,

00:49:23.179 --> 00:49:25.460
because a lot of parents out there, especially,

00:49:25.579 --> 00:49:28.309
you know, certain ethnicity and cultures like

00:49:28.309 --> 00:49:31.429
hold so much value in school and i'm not saying

00:49:31.429 --> 00:49:34.769
it's not important but if all your child can

00:49:34.769 --> 00:49:38.289
do is get good grades in school great they're

00:49:38.289 --> 00:49:41.070
good at memorizing things you know but like are

00:49:41.070 --> 00:49:45.289
they good at life are they capable of like living

00:49:45.289 --> 00:49:49.289
on their own and like doing things and and socializing

00:49:49.289 --> 00:49:51.949
like one of the biggest things that's why i brought

00:49:51.949 --> 00:49:54.639
up you know how building the skill of person

00:49:54.639 --> 00:49:58.019
ability is because like, yo, it is lacking severely.

00:49:58.380 --> 00:50:01.820
I work with a lot of youth, my other business

00:50:01.820 --> 00:50:05.420
too. And like, damn man, like COVID didn't help

00:50:05.420 --> 00:50:07.639
kids, you know, not being, having face -to -face

00:50:07.639 --> 00:50:09.980
interactions for years and not going into school

00:50:09.980 --> 00:50:12.320
in person, like was the worst thing that could

00:50:12.320 --> 00:50:15.019
have happened. But social skills, communication

00:50:15.019 --> 00:50:18.460
skills are severely lacking. Like it's, it's

00:50:18.460 --> 00:50:20.760
like awkward trying to talk to a lot of kids

00:50:20.760 --> 00:50:22.769
today. And, you know, that's going to hold them

00:50:22.769 --> 00:50:26.769
back. And I know parents are busy and, you know,

00:50:26.789 --> 00:50:29.309
your job and the bills and everything. But, like,

00:50:29.329 --> 00:50:33.309
I get it. But if you don't have time to teach

00:50:33.309 --> 00:50:35.550
your kid these skills and they're not learning

00:50:35.550 --> 00:50:38.610
these skills in school, where are they going

00:50:38.610 --> 00:50:42.590
to learn them? When? You know, when they're 25,

00:50:42.949 --> 00:50:48.190
30, 35? Never? Because, you know, you need to

00:50:48.190 --> 00:50:51.300
be exposed to this stuff at some point. to be

00:50:51.300 --> 00:50:53.760
able to learn there's no other way to really

00:50:53.760 --> 00:50:56.659
you know learn it and generally if you don't

00:50:56.659 --> 00:50:58.920
have a mentor of some sort if you don't have

00:50:58.920 --> 00:51:01.579
like a coach or someone who's going to guide

00:51:01.579 --> 00:51:03.920
you to this information it's not going to pop

00:51:03.920 --> 00:51:06.860
up on your algorithm like for me to find this

00:51:06.860 --> 00:51:09.820
like i had to become what's known as a seeker

00:51:09.820 --> 00:51:13.159
you know i was seeking information from the from

00:51:13.769 --> 00:51:16.610
Even from a young age when I really wasn't full

00:51:16.610 --> 00:51:18.329
-blown into personal development, I always kind

00:51:18.329 --> 00:51:20.090
of questioned the way things work. I'm like,

00:51:20.130 --> 00:51:22.309
I don't really believe that. I'll write this

00:51:22.309 --> 00:51:24.670
on this test, but I don't think that. That doesn't

00:51:24.670 --> 00:51:26.869
even make sense. So when I got to a point where

00:51:26.869 --> 00:51:29.110
I started learning on my own and asking these

00:51:29.110 --> 00:51:31.849
kind of questions and doing my own research,

00:51:32.070 --> 00:51:34.929
I became what's known as a seeker of knowledge,

00:51:35.010 --> 00:51:38.210
of the truth. And that is really what blew the

00:51:38.210 --> 00:51:41.010
doors wide open. But if you're not exposed to

00:51:41.010 --> 00:51:43.610
this, It'll take you a decade to find this stuff

00:51:43.610 --> 00:51:46.590
and actually start using it in your life. And

00:51:46.590 --> 00:51:48.409
that's really the advantage of having a coach,

00:51:48.489 --> 00:51:51.309
a mentor, anyone. If you have someone in your

00:51:51.309 --> 00:51:54.210
life and they're willing to teach you this stuff,

00:51:54.489 --> 00:52:00.130
you surround yourself with them. Yeah, I think

00:52:00.130 --> 00:52:02.150
that's really just one of the biggest takeaways

00:52:02.150 --> 00:52:04.510
from our episode is whatever it is that you want

00:52:04.510 --> 00:52:06.030
to do, whatever it is that you want to be, you

00:52:06.030 --> 00:52:08.860
need to find that person. And start kind of learning

00:52:08.860 --> 00:52:11.039
from them and absorbing that so that you can

00:52:11.039 --> 00:52:14.800
speed up that learning process. And just as like

00:52:14.800 --> 00:52:16.480
one of the last questions, I was telling a couple

00:52:16.480 --> 00:52:17.820
people that I was going to be talking to you.

00:52:18.239 --> 00:52:21.119
And it's not an exact quote of a question, but

00:52:21.119 --> 00:52:25.239
it was just a general vibe. Like there is a lot

00:52:25.239 --> 00:52:29.119
of alpha male influencers and other coaches out

00:52:29.119 --> 00:52:32.719
there. I mean, I can name specific ones, but

00:52:32.719 --> 00:52:34.320
I'm sure when I say that you might be able to

00:52:34.320 --> 00:52:35.659
come up with an idea in your head of what that

00:52:35.659 --> 00:52:41.650
looks like. How do you differentiate yourself

00:52:41.650 --> 00:52:44.150
from those? Because those ones, a lot of the

00:52:44.150 --> 00:52:47.650
alpha male folks can look a little bit more negative

00:52:47.650 --> 00:52:49.929
or have negative connotations around them. I'm

00:52:49.929 --> 00:52:53.110
just curious what your take on the industry,

00:52:53.309 --> 00:52:55.429
maybe what's wrong with the industry or what's

00:52:55.429 --> 00:52:57.329
different? Well, I mean, what's wrong with the

00:52:57.329 --> 00:53:00.969
industry? There's a ton. It's got, you know,

00:53:00.989 --> 00:53:04.190
everyone's a self -proclaimed coach of some sort.

00:53:04.650 --> 00:53:06.909
with courses of some sort, I mean, whatever,

00:53:07.150 --> 00:53:08.730
you know, I'm not here, I'm not here to hate

00:53:08.730 --> 00:53:12.489
on anybody. But what I want to say is like, the

00:53:12.489 --> 00:53:17.710
biggest factor in creating change with people

00:53:17.710 --> 00:53:21.989
is the ability to relate, you know, people have

00:53:21.989 --> 00:53:24.530
to be able to relate to you and trust you, you

00:53:24.530 --> 00:53:26.630
know, and know, like, you know, you're not full

00:53:26.630 --> 00:53:29.010
of shit. And, you know, you have been through

00:53:29.010 --> 00:53:31.670
this stuff. And I just made a video yesterday,

00:53:31.730 --> 00:53:34.349
I don't even know if it dropped yet or it's planned

00:53:34.349 --> 00:53:37.010
for later this week saying like you know there's

00:53:37.010 --> 00:53:40.070
a lot of people out excuse me a lot of influences

00:53:40.070 --> 00:53:42.929
out there with that rah rah bullshit and it's

00:53:42.929 --> 00:53:45.769
true though you know there is and like in certain

00:53:45.769 --> 00:53:49.570
instances in certain areas i think that's good

00:53:49.570 --> 00:53:52.489
like when it comes to like the gym or something

00:53:52.489 --> 00:53:56.329
or being physical like i you know i think that

00:53:56.329 --> 00:53:58.829
is generally the way to motivate people to go

00:53:58.829 --> 00:54:00.969
hit the gym you know like a little bit of tough

00:54:00.969 --> 00:54:04.320
love but That what's lacking with, you know,

00:54:04.320 --> 00:54:06.980
alpha males is like what's known as like soft

00:54:06.980 --> 00:54:09.400
skills, you know, where you're not going to see

00:54:09.400 --> 00:54:12.500
anybody usually like my, you know, that looks

00:54:12.500 --> 00:54:14.980
like myself in a good physical shape. And a lot

00:54:14.980 --> 00:54:17.539
of things like I do stand for like, you know,

00:54:17.539 --> 00:54:22.199
healthy masculine traits and qualities, but it's

00:54:22.199 --> 00:54:26.619
lacking in skills like self -awareness, you know,

00:54:26.639 --> 00:54:30.300
that or you people talk about mindset, but self

00:54:30.300 --> 00:54:34.289
-awareness and. like the the goal setting part

00:54:34.289 --> 00:54:36.710
of thing it's just like the the back side of

00:54:36.710 --> 00:54:39.610
things like the work that it the dark work that

00:54:39.610 --> 00:54:42.670
you have to do on yourself rather i think the

00:54:42.670 --> 00:54:46.389
the alpha image comes off as like you know f

00:54:46.389 --> 00:54:49.130
what's wrong with me like you know just go forward

00:54:49.130 --> 00:54:51.550
you know what i mean and i'm not the guy to say

00:54:51.550 --> 00:54:54.710
you know sit down with a therapist for a couple

00:54:54.710 --> 00:54:56.690
years and like talk about your feelings in your

00:54:56.690 --> 00:54:59.650
past like i'm not that guy either But I would,

00:54:59.650 --> 00:55:02.130
you know, for myself, like maybe people view

00:55:02.130 --> 00:55:04.590
me as alpha male. But, you know, what I would

00:55:04.590 --> 00:55:06.789
refer to myself as is what's known as a sigma

00:55:06.789 --> 00:55:10.110
male. And people, if you're watching this, you're

00:55:10.110 --> 00:55:12.369
like, a sigma male? What is that? Look it up

00:55:12.369 --> 00:55:15.150
on YouTube. You know, it's, you know, the physical

00:55:15.150 --> 00:55:18.849
characteristics more of an alpha male, but the

00:55:18.849 --> 00:55:22.489
thinking brain of a philosopher, of a stoic.

00:55:22.989 --> 00:55:25.090
Is the best way I could describe that. And that's

00:55:25.090 --> 00:55:27.130
that's what I try to be, you know, and I want

00:55:27.130 --> 00:55:30.010
people to see like you can have the best of both

00:55:30.010 --> 00:55:35.050
worlds. Like I I take pride in, you know, looking

00:55:35.050 --> 00:55:37.570
good and feeling good and, you know, being physically

00:55:37.570 --> 00:55:42.469
capable. But I probably take at least just as

00:55:42.469 --> 00:55:47.019
much or more pride in the fact that I'm. knowledgeable.

00:55:48.099 --> 00:55:52.179
I've put a ton of time into learning things and

00:55:52.179 --> 00:55:55.679
firsthand experiences of things. And that was

00:55:55.679 --> 00:55:59.780
part of my process of peeling away that mask

00:55:59.780 --> 00:56:05.039
of masculinity. Great book by Lewis Howes, who

00:56:05.039 --> 00:56:07.820
runs School of Greatness. It's called Mask of

00:56:07.820 --> 00:56:10.539
Masculinity. And that book really showed me like,

00:56:10.599 --> 00:56:15.119
hey, I am hiding a lot of stuff by being this

00:56:15.119 --> 00:56:18.769
alpha male. in a way. So it taught me a lot of

00:56:18.769 --> 00:56:21.349
things like, nah, dude, there's more to it than

00:56:21.349 --> 00:56:25.309
rah -rah. So, you know, that's what I would say.

00:56:25.429 --> 00:56:27.690
It's deeper than that. And also don't, you know,

00:56:27.710 --> 00:56:30.429
don't judge the book by its cover. You know,

00:56:30.449 --> 00:56:32.750
a lot of people might look and like, look at

00:56:32.750 --> 00:56:34.809
this guy, you know, what's he talking about?

00:56:34.869 --> 00:56:38.289
But if you watch my videos, I'm not really rah

00:56:38.289 --> 00:56:40.469
-rah. I'm actually very soft -spoken because,

00:56:40.530 --> 00:56:42.230
you know, I'm passionate about what I'm saying,

00:56:42.309 --> 00:56:45.719
but there ain't no reason to. You know, get crazy.

00:56:45.739 --> 00:56:47.880
Like you realize when you start to mature that

00:56:47.880 --> 00:56:50.320
raising your voice, people listen less. You know,

00:56:50.340 --> 00:56:52.880
it's the soft speaking people that don't speak

00:56:52.880 --> 00:56:58.500
that often that people listen to. Perfect. Yeah.

00:56:58.559 --> 00:57:00.360
I mean, in my notes right here, I had written

00:57:00.360 --> 00:57:03.519
down difference, self -awareness, question mark.

00:57:03.639 --> 00:57:06.820
I think that's exactly what you hit was that

00:57:06.820 --> 00:57:10.909
typical alpha male that. I don't know, that type

00:57:10.909 --> 00:57:15.630
of stereotype is very rah -rah. It's very, I

00:57:15.630 --> 00:57:17.670
haven't actually done a whole lot. I'm just kind

00:57:17.670 --> 00:57:19.590
of screaming at a camera telling you to get your

00:57:19.590 --> 00:57:22.230
stuff together while I'm not the one doing the

00:57:22.230 --> 00:57:24.050
work. And I think the biggest thing with what

00:57:24.050 --> 00:57:27.010
you're saying too is you've done the work, internal,

00:57:27.289 --> 00:57:30.570
external, that your physical appearance also

00:57:30.570 --> 00:57:33.269
matches what is going on in your brain. You're

00:57:33.269 --> 00:57:35.550
not just pumping iron. You're also doing that

00:57:35.550 --> 00:57:38.170
mental, emotional, physical work that is required

00:57:38.170 --> 00:57:40.909
to... take your clients where they really need

00:57:40.909 --> 00:57:45.909
to go. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I had something

00:57:45.909 --> 00:57:48.329
else on my mind too, that I was going to say

00:57:48.329 --> 00:57:52.269
is like, Oh, it's, it's when you think of an

00:57:52.269 --> 00:57:54.869
alpha male, what comes to my mind is like, not

00:57:54.869 --> 00:58:00.269
somebody who is willing to get honest feedback

00:58:00.269 --> 00:58:03.550
and criticism about themselves, not somebody

00:58:03.550 --> 00:58:07.469
who is willing to get advice and be coached by

00:58:07.469 --> 00:58:11.570
other people. Um, and you don't learn like that,

00:58:11.650 --> 00:58:14.469
you know, you got to let go of the ego and realize

00:58:14.469 --> 00:58:16.889
like, you know, I don't know everything because,

00:58:16.969 --> 00:58:19.150
and even when it comes to the gym, like there's

00:58:19.150 --> 00:58:21.190
always a bigger dog on the, on the playground,

00:58:21.389 --> 00:58:24.590
you know? So, and I've been humbled like that

00:58:24.590 --> 00:58:28.469
in, in that way too. So it's, it's being willing

00:58:28.469 --> 00:58:32.030
to just realize that like, you don't know everything,

00:58:32.130 --> 00:58:33.909
you know, and you're not the best at what you're

00:58:33.909 --> 00:58:36.750
doing. So there's always someone to learn from.

00:58:38.299 --> 00:58:41.019
Like confident in what you've done, but humble

00:58:41.019 --> 00:58:43.280
enough to know what you don't know. Exactly.

00:58:43.659 --> 00:58:45.619
That you can always learn something. And I think,

00:58:45.619 --> 00:58:48.559
I think I talked about this in my, on my March

00:58:48.559 --> 00:58:51.619
10th episode about my walk is, you know, I did

00:58:51.619 --> 00:58:54.280
this big, crazy thing. I did my walk. And then

00:58:54.280 --> 00:58:56.280
suddenly I find other people that did it faster

00:58:56.280 --> 00:58:59.559
or went longer or walked across another continent.

00:58:59.800 --> 00:59:01.639
And it's like, damn, there's always somebody

00:59:01.639 --> 00:59:03.300
else. There's always, like you said, a bigger

00:59:03.300 --> 00:59:06.460
fish. And there's always more to learn. So if

00:59:06.460 --> 00:59:09.699
people wanted to learn more from you and see

00:59:09.699 --> 00:59:11.199
what you have to offer, what would be the best

00:59:11.199 --> 00:59:13.579
way for them to get in contact with you? I would

00:59:13.579 --> 00:59:18.139
say Instagram at Ricky Carilli, R -I -C -K -Y

00:59:18.139 --> 00:59:23.199
-C -A -R -I -L -L -I. I'm on TikTok and YouTube

00:59:23.199 --> 00:59:28.019
under the same at. But yeah, you check out my

00:59:28.019 --> 00:59:30.719
website, rickicarilli .com. But if you're looking

00:59:30.719 --> 00:59:33.800
for free daily value. just trying to connect,

00:59:33.980 --> 00:59:35.940
like definitely go to Instagram. It's where I'm

00:59:35.940 --> 00:59:40.300
probably the most active. Perfect. Yeah. And

00:59:40.300 --> 00:59:41.900
I took guys in the last couple of weeks that

00:59:41.900 --> 00:59:43.420
I've been following Ricky. He has been posting

00:59:43.420 --> 00:59:45.500
a ton of content. He has a nice backlog already.

00:59:45.940 --> 00:59:48.119
So I'll be sure to put all of his contact information

00:59:48.119 --> 00:59:50.599
down in the show notes. And Ricky, thank you

00:59:50.599 --> 00:59:53.079
so much for taking the time to share your knowledge

00:59:53.079 --> 00:59:55.460
and magic with listeners. I know that pretty

00:59:55.460 --> 00:59:56.840
much anybody that listens to this will be able

00:59:56.840 --> 00:59:59.889
to take away at least a few pieces of. knowledge

00:59:59.889 --> 01:00:01.769
or information. What I love the most about it

01:00:01.769 --> 01:00:04.030
was that it's very actionable. A lot of this

01:00:04.030 --> 01:00:06.769
is something you can start doing today. So thank

01:00:06.769 --> 01:00:09.449
you for spending the time. Thank you, bro. I

01:00:09.449 --> 01:00:12.230
appreciate you having me. Anytime, hit me up.

01:00:12.269 --> 01:00:14.789
We got a link up sometime soon, only an hour

01:00:14.789 --> 01:00:18.050
away. Yeah, exactly. And that's the other great

01:00:18.050 --> 01:00:20.130
thing about BNI and these other things is that

01:00:20.130 --> 01:00:22.409
we're able to find each other and find like -minded

01:00:22.409 --> 01:00:24.929
people. So we'll definitely do that. For sure.

01:00:26.679 --> 01:00:28.440
And then thank you, of course, to the listeners

01:00:28.440 --> 01:00:30.119
for spending some time today. Thank you for giving

01:00:30.119 --> 01:00:32.159
us your most valuable resource, which is your

01:00:32.159 --> 01:00:35.840
time and your attention. I hope that it was worth

01:00:35.840 --> 01:00:38.760
the tradeoff for sure. If you have any questions,

01:00:38.840 --> 01:00:40.639
suggestions, comments, reminders, please let

01:00:40.639 --> 01:00:43.139
me know. My email is ranger at withinrangecoaching

01:00:43.139 --> 01:00:45.500
.com. If you could please take a second to just

01:00:45.500 --> 01:00:47.559
leave a rating and review on whatever podcast

01:00:47.559 --> 01:00:49.679
platform you're listening to this on, I would

01:00:49.679 --> 01:00:51.320
super appreciate it so that this could get into

01:00:51.320 --> 01:00:53.639
more people's ears and really help people that

01:00:53.639 --> 01:00:56.719
need it the most. As always, remember that the

01:00:56.719 --> 01:00:59.000
best is yet to come as long as you are willing

01:00:59.000 --> 01:01:02.119
to make the decision every day to never settle,

01:01:02.239 --> 01:01:05.400
never quit, and never peak. I'll see you guys

01:01:05.400 --> 01:01:05.980
in the next one.