Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening,
everybody, and welcome to today's episode of
the Never Peak Project Podcast. I'm your host,
Coach Ranger, and today we have a very special
guest for all of you. Now, as most of you know,
something that I talk a lot about in my material,
whether it is about my walk across the country,
business, et cetera. is the idea that no one
is coming to save you, that each of us are responsible
for how our own lives go, and really just the
decisions that we make, the actions that we take
on a daily basis. Really just avoiding that idea
of the world is happening to me rather than I
am out there creating the life that I want to
live. Now, and one of those things that I do
on a daily basis myself is a lot of networking.
I've posted a lot of episodes about BNI, how
to be successful in these networking groups.
That is not just about showing up. That's the
number one thing you need to do, but it's about
making connections along the way. And one of
those connections that I made recently is with
another coach who reached out to me after a B
&I speed networking event. And he said, hey,
I'm also a coach. I saw that you're a coach.
Let's talk. And really, that's the thing that
I love about the personal development space is
that even though that we are all very similar,
whereas we're all, you know. coaches, life coaches,
executive coaches, accountability coaches, whatever
you want to call it, there's a lot of room for
growth and collaboration within the industry.
And I ended up having a one -to -one with this
guy. It was awesome. I really, really resonated
with a lot of what he was saying. And I was like,
we need to get you on the show as soon as possible.
So today I'm very excited to introduce all of
you, a coach, a mentor for young men and young
adults, Ricky Carilli. Ricky, thank you so much
for joining us today. My pleasure, Ranger. Happy
to be here. I'm super excited to get started
in this. So could you just give us a brief introduction
of who you are, how you landed in coaching, and
what exactly the transformation off your clients
is? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So as mentioned,
I am a life coach and mentor for young adult
and teen males, generally ages 16 to about 30.
And I always say that The reason there's about
a 15 -year age gap is because becoming a man
isn't so much about age as it is your willingness
to take on responsibility. So I have kids as
young as 16 and young men as old as 31 years
old at this point all across the country. I actually
have a client out all the way in Barcelona in
Spain right now. So who am I? How did I end up
doing this? I think I covered the first part.
Now, the reason I ended up doing this, I looked
around and see a failing society, you know, and
a lot of that is what I experienced firsthand.
So between the ages of about 17 to 25, for lack
of better words, like I was lost. I made personally
all. the wrong decisions you could make in the
process of becoming a man. So when I looked around,
when I finally got, you know, my shit together,
25 years old is, you know, what really, when
I started, but it took years, I started to notice
that it wasn't just me. It was a lot of, a lot
of young men were going through that. Well, you
think, well, how does that make sense? Because
College graduation rates are probably higher
than they've ever been before. More people go
to college now than ever before. Well, the reason
is because the things that I struggled with aren't
taught in school. They're not taught in colleges,
universities. So it comes down to what are those
skills that really lead you to become successful
no matter what career path you decide to choose?
And how do I teach those? So I always say, is
it possible to learn this stuff on your own?
I think it is. I did. But it took me a decade.
And I think with coaches, one of the biggest
advantages of having a coach is bypassing years
of trying to figure everything out on your own,
whether it's business or life coaching or anything.
You can find this information on your own, especially
in today's age. But having someone to tell you,
hey, ignore all that fluff. This is what you
need to focus on. And this is what worked for
me. So having someone that you can relate to
and see, okay, well, this person's been through
that struggle too, or this person has overcome
these failures and they're successful. It gives
that relatability factor. And I think that is
one of the most important things that ends up
as a reason why clients choose coaches. You know,
it's not because a coach isn't covered by your
insurance, as far as I know. So you're not just
going to your insurance like, hey, what options
do I have? Okay, yeah, pick this one. They're
covered. You know, okay, great. And that is a
reason why most of the kids that I work with,
they've tried therapy before. It didn't work.
Now, the reason for that, I say, is the same
thing for me. You know, I had a therapist when
I was younger. And the real issue is young men
don't want to talk about their feelings. You
know, they don't want to continuously relive
the past. And I don't think anyone does. And
I can tell you for a fact that that is not the
way to move forward. You know, there's a ton
of research out there now, like you need that
forward thinking growth mindset. And that's something
that, you know, we teach. But a young man needs
a purpose, you know, beyond that, like they need
some goals to strive for. They need confidence.
You know, you need to have self -awareness and
a growth mindset, like I mentioned. And a slew
of other things. I mean, we have three programs
currently. So there's the fundamentals for success,
which is going to teach you, you know, the basics,
like give you a foundation for life. And then
we have confidence to thrive, which is like the
next level up. And then lastly, we have the competitive
edge. And now that's a little more advanced stuff.
So clients come to me in all different situations.
But most of the kids I work with, they have to
start with fundamentals. If you're not learning
this stuff in school and you don't want to spend
10 years watching YouTube videos, reading a hundred
different personal development books, and then
implementing it in your life, where else are
you going to learn that? You know, in your experience,
like is without a coach or a mentor of some sort,
have, have you come across anywhere else that
like people learn these things? In a way that
is sustainable? Definitely not. And that was
something that I definitely want to talk to you
more about to kind of go a little bit deeper
on. When it comes to finding a coach or a mentor,
I mean, of course, you and I are biased because
we are coaches. But what is it about – yeah,
a little bit. And we've had experiences with
different coaches and we've seen the transformation
that we've gotten with clients as well as just
our own transformation. But when it comes to
the fluff and the noise that's out there in the
personal development stage, I mean, the personal
development industry is just absolutely insane.
What is it? There's like the people that kind
of just consume it and consume it, consume it
and do nothing about it. Yeah. And I was that
person for a long time. And what I was going
to ask you is how do you know, like even for
yourself, what is worth consuming and what is
worth just kind of leaving off to the wayside?
Yeah, that's a great question. So I spent, no,
I got, I went to school and got, I have a background
in psychology and sociology. I spent a decade
not using it. i was in construction you know
i had a well -paying job um in the union and
i just decided like you know what i have more
to offer and at some point i said well what is
gonna give me that credential that qualification
of where people say okay i'll actually pay this
guy money um so i went and got a master's degree
in human service counseling and life coaching
and now i can tell you that I didn't learn exactly,
you know, yeah, it's focused on how to become
a coach, but I didn't learn exactly what I'm
teaching these kids. Most of it, I didn't. I
didn't learn that in my graduate degree. I learned,
you know, a little bit about time management
and the way to structure things and certain delivery
methods. But most of it is life experience. And
that's how I figure out, okay, well. What is
the most important? I've spent a lot of time
structuring these things to where I know, okay,
I have a long list of things I want to teach,
like 20 different options. It started with more
than that. And I really had to narrow it down
and say, okay, well, what are most of the kids
that are going to come to me going to be lacking?
Well, how do you find that out, really? Experience.
It really comes to experience. Well, when you
get... 10 clients, what do they think about?
You get 20 clients. Now, what are their biggest
concerns? You get 50 clients. Now, I've had dozens
and dozens of clients at this point all across
the country. Now, I have some real data and I
can see like, hey, a large percentage of them
struggled with A, B, C, and D. So I know that
that is what most people are struggling with.
So that needs to be a foundation. And then I
realized, Well, if we're going to teach things
like, you know, goal setting and like financial,
you know, basic financial understanding. I'm
not a financial advisor by any means. But if
we're going to teach a little bit more advanced
things like networking and, you know, how to
present and speak proper. I think you need to
know. The the fundamentals, you know, you need
to have a solid foundation, again, that they
don't teach in school. So when I put out this
list of stuff, like, OK, these are all of the
things that I would love to teach people. These
are all the things I have firsthand experience
with. Not I read a book, not I pull this off
chat GPT or, you know, I watched a couple of
videos on YouTube. I strive on on. The authenticity
that I am only ever going to teach things that
I have experience with. And if I don't know,
I am very open to say, you know, actually, I'm
not the guy to do that. You know, but I hopefully
through my network can connect you with someone
who has better experience in that. But it comes
down to an order of operations. Like you can't
do X. You can't even learn X until you figure
out why. Or maybe vice versa. So that's how I
figured out, okay, these are the basics of what
you need to move forward. This is slightly more
advanced. And then this is like the third one,
competitive edge is you can't do any of those
unless you have that foundation below you. And
that's how I figured out. But again, you can
find data. I mean, we're living in the age of
technology. There's no shortage of information
and knowledge to consume. But it came from experience.
You know, 50 clients later, I'm like, okay, this
is the biggest things right here. And then these
are some of the things that people mentioned
they want to work on after they understand this
stuff. So yeah, that's how I kind of figured
that out. Yeah, I mean, that totally makes sense.
I mean, that's the best way to learn is through
actual experience and throwing yourself through
the ringer. I mean, the best way to learn something
is to screw it up first. Because then you're
going to learn what it takes, what it doesn't
take. And when it comes to the main issues that
young men are facing, especially, I mean, it
sounds like you have a pretty good pulse on it
across the country, across the world, even with
students all across everywhere, apparently. What
would you say are the major areas that young
men are struggling with in today's age and why?
Okay. And most of those are in the fundamentals.
Definitely self -awareness. And now I'm not the
guy who's going to sit there and tell you, hey,
you know, listen, I do think meditation is powerful,
you know, but I'm not that guy. Like, I'm not
the guy you come to to learn how to meditate
or pray. There's other people doing that. But
being self -aware, knowing, excuse me, not just
where you think you are in the world, not who
you're comparing yourself to social media as,
like, how do you figure out who you are? You
know, you have to sit down and take some time
and really think about it. One of the ways I
do that is a wheel of life. You know, grade yourself
in these areas on a scale of 1 to 10. That's
like the basic, basic of, you know, everyone
could sit down and do that. It's going to take
you five minutes. And there's a free link we
could hook you up with also. But then it's like,
hey, write down your strengths and weaknesses.
What are your values? You know, how are you raised?
Are you happy with the way you're raised? What
are your beliefs? How do your beliefs of what
truth is differ from what truth might actually
be in the world? How does the reality that you
call reality differ from what the rest of the
world calls reality? And the only way to find
that out is sit down and think about it and write
it out. One of the things I'm very strong on
is write everything down. Write everything out.
I have hundreds and hundreds of notes in my phone.
you know pieces of paper that folders everywhere
notebooks covered because i spent so many years
living in here and nothing ever happened you
know because it's just you're like a squirrel
you know you got that squirrel brain with all
these ideas you have great great ideas but until
it goes down on paper like now i one of the things
i teach is you know scheduling and agendas like
when you're in an environment where you're in
high school or even college or Up to that point
in your life, your life is scheduled for you.
You know where you have to be when you have to
be there. And you didn't have to decide that.
Someone else decided that for you. Now, what
happens when you go into the real world? Yeah,
maybe you get a job and you have to be there
nine to five, five days a week. But what else
are you doing with your life? Everyone's got
the excuse, right? Oh, I don't have time. Well,
it's easy to say that until you sit down and
you see on a calendar, you're like, well, damn,
actually, I got, you know, two hours here and
two hours here and all day Saturday and all day
Sunday. And then all of a sudden that excuse
of not having enough time is like, well, actually
you have time. Okay, so then what's the reason
you're not doing anything? It's not a priority.
So what are your priorities? Again, I think that's
partially self -awareness, partially goal setting.
Another thing is intimidated of the real world.
I think a lot of the kids I work with have a
misconception that everyone in the real world
is a super professional and extremely good at
what they do and I just try to tell them like
it's not the case you know like so many people
are just faking it until they make it you know
and the coaching industry also but like in the
world in general like most people are just showing
up you know and that's one of the things I tell
them like just show up you know you'll see that
it's you know people aren't you know that advanced
like you're not much further behind so all the
schooling in the world you talk to any professional
uh especially the successful ones they'll tell
you like you're gonna learn anything in school
that you're gonna use in the real world you know
great you got a degree now it's time to learn
um so you know intimidation of the real world
mindset for sure uh and everyone harps on you
know mindset mindset mindset mindset and it's
like a cliche And, you know, the reason why people
harp on that is because it's important. You can't
do anything without that growth mindset, you
know, and you do it for long enough. And I'm
kind of at the point, like I could barely even
see anymore. Like, how can you have a fixed mindset?
You know, there's a fix in a growth mindset.
I'm sure you're aware, but the fixed mindset
that says, well, I'm born with this skill and
this is all I'm ever going to be. And I suck
at math. Well, so does everyone else that first
starts doing it. I suck at basketball. Well,
so does everyone else. So did Kobe Bryant before
he picked up a basketball and spent six hours
a day in the gym. So that's the growth mindset
that says, not I suck at basketball, but I know
that I can be better if I put in the time, if
I put in the effort. And that's one of the things
that we work on a lot. Another one is procrastination.
Now, where does procrastination come from? A
lot of distractions in today's world. Instagram,
Facebook, social media in general, TikTok, YouTube.
There is no shortage of distractions in the world.
And that's just virtual. And even good things
could be a distraction too. Your family. You
want to give attention to your family. But hey,
sometimes it pulls you in a direction. But they're
the priority. That's another thing. People should
know, like, don't chase anything. Money is not
more important than people. You know, that's
one of the big lessons in life. But yeah, procrastination
of why, speaking of why, why do you procrastinate?
Because that thing you're doing isn't important.
That thing you're delaying to do is not important
enough. You don't know why you want to do that.
So part of it is finding that why. And there's
one of the most famous, most viewed videos on
TikTok is Simon Sinek finding your why. Highly
recommend that. It's like a 12 minute video,
15 minutes of, you know, how do you find your
why? What is going to be that reason that you
wake up every day? You know, there's definitely
no shortage of people in the world that are waking
up every single day to go to a job that they
hate to come home to a house that. They don't
even want to be in anymore, you know, to, to
pay bills, to, to run the rat race, you know,
is what it is. Um, and I, I get it, uh, of procrastination.
I spent many years procrastinating. I mean, there's
still things that I'm like, eh, I don't, I don't
want to do that right now. I don't have to do
that right now. But now I operate off a system
and something I teach them was like, if it's
a one priority, you know, you have to do that
right away. Write down a list. Write down a to
-do list and your agenda. Put your absolute priorities
in a calendar. The real world is operating off
a calendar. If it's not in there, it's not happening.
There's a 50 -50 chance it's going to happen
at best. But if something's in my calendar, I
know I'm going to get it done. And then I have
my list of things that never ends, really, that
you cross things off and add more every day.
And that is where... I plug those things into
the spots on my calendar that I have free, which
is few and far between. But that's kind of how
I figure that out. Also, it's good to know that
a form of procrastination is looking at this
to -do list that you create and constantly choosing
the easier task. So maybe you have 10 things
on there that you have to do. The one at the
bottom is nowhere near as important as another
one. So how I differentiate that, you know, asterisks
or, hey, this is an A1, which A1 priority means
like, yo, this is the top. Do not do anything
else until you finish this. You know, and then
once that's done, I'm like, okay, what's next?
A2. That means I looked at this list. Okay, there's
10 things I have to do in the next week or so.
What's the order of operations? What are my biggest
priorities? What can wait a few days? You know,
you take it like that. So, you know, procrastination,
I would say, is one of them. Confidence. Confidence.
Really, so many, so many guys of all ages are
lacking confidence. Now, when we talk about confidence,
how do you build it? How do you figure out, you
know, who you are, what you're about? You look
at the only way to really do that is, you know,
look at your actions. What have you done? You
know, that's how you figure out who you are.
Now, if you haven't done shit in years or you've
just done the bare minimum or you've just done
whatever everyone else has done, the easy stuff,
the bare minimum to survive. If that's all you've
done in your life in the past several years.
There should be no wonder why you're not confident.
You know. Why would you be confident about doing
stuff that everyone else can do? Doing the easy
stuff. That doesn't make people confident. So
how do you gain confidence? Through action. You
know, you got to take action. You know, uncomfortable
action. That's where growth occurs. That's the
only place. The only place you can grow is through
uncomfortable action. And, you know, it's intimidation,
as I mentioned. Of, oh my God, there's when you
finally wake up and realize like, wow, I have
to make all of these changes in my life. Yeah,
maybe. But you probably got to start with one.
Like, let's make one positive change. Do that
for a couple of weeks and let's add something
else. You know, let's add another thing after
that. So it comes in steps. And then at some
point, three months down the road, six months
down the road, a year down the road, even longer.
You look back and you're like. I have done some
stuff that I'm proud of. All of a sudden, you
start to stand different. You start to look people
in the eye. Your confidence begins to change.
But before you do anything, you ain't got much
to be confident about. So that is another huge,
huge issue. And it goes into relationships and
dating too. I was just talking with another coach.
And she's a relationship coach. And she's talking
about... You know, the problem is like so many
women I talk to saying like, there's no good
men out there. Well, there is good men out there.
You know, there's a lot of good men out there.
The problem is they don't have the balls to go
up to a girl in real life and say, hey, you know,
I'm wondering, you know, my name is Ricky. It's
nice to meet you. I was wondering if, you know,
maybe we can get to know each other a little.
Okay, you know why? Well, we might as well lead
right into the next thing. This is the last thing.
I'll cut it after this. Fear of rejection. Fear
of failure is a huge, huge reason why people
aren't doing shit. A lot of the clients I encounter
struggle with that. And like you were saying
before, being willing to experience failure and...
Continue on. That's another way you build confidence.
Awesome, Ricky. So we just had a little bit of
tech issues. We're jumping a week ahead now.
So different looks, different pictures, but the
same great content. And what we were just talking
about right now were all the issues that young
men are facing in today's society. And just kind
of recap, it sounds like the main issues really
are self -awareness, intimidation of the real
world, mindsets. and specifically around their
growth mindset and being a victim, clarity of
direction and having a clear purpose, prioritization
of tasks, confidence through action, building
up your confidence through taking imperfect action,
and then fear of rejection is just what we were
talking about. And it really sounds like those
are things that yes, we're talking mostly about
young men, but can definitely apply to a ton
of different people. So when it comes to referring
to specifically young men, like why is that specifically
your focus with this? Or is that just kind of
the easiest vibe that you've been able to find
to work with or speak to? Or can you talk a little
bit about that really quick? Yeah, for sure.
It definitely is hitting every demographic in
society. The reason I speak about that is because
Those are, that's the demographic that I specifically
work with that I have firsthand experience in.
If you look at research and statistics, like
it's, it's all across the board, a lot of these
things. But the reason I have, you know, figured
out that my niche is young men, like young adolescent
males is because I figured out that. though that's
who relates to me because I look back I'm like
well where did I make all the biggest mistakes
in my life where did I really need help and kind
of thought I knew everything and refused to take
advice or be guided by anyone it was during that
period between about 17 to 25 is where I really
made you know every mistake you could make trying
to become a young man so that's really why I
gravitated towards that and I realized that I
just have a unique ability to connect with kids
that age, you know, males that age specifically.
And I think that they look at me and I'm like,
you know, I'm not too old. I'm not too young.
But I'm kind of up to date with things, you know,
like what the kids are into. And just, you know,
I talk to them on their level. I don't want to
be the guy who sits across from them, you know,
arms folded. knees crossed you know wearing some
fancy sweater with a button down like i'm not
that guy you know so the fact that i come across
how i am you know how i'm dressed now um this
is how i meet them i might have a profile with
a headshot but outside of that like and a lot
of them it's funny a lot of them come to me and
they're like oh you know like my my mom was telling
me about you and then i saw your your profile
picture and i was like oh like this guy's like
super like professional looking But then you
go into my profile, you watch my videos, and
I'm just a bro teaching younger bros how to win
at life. Really, if you could sum it up in one
sentence, that's what I'm doing. Just a bro helping
bros. And I think that's the most important thing,
right, is when we are – because I see a lot of
people, and I don't want to get too deep into
this part of it, but people like, oh, why aren't
you just talking to young men or young women
or this or that? And it's like, well, because
– I have the experience there. That's what I
can speak to. And if you feel it's like the idea
of if you sit there and say someone should do
something about this, you should take a step
back and realize that you are someone. If you're
in the position to be a mentor, to be a person,
to be somebody that can support people like you
5, 10, 15, 20 years ago, you have that piece
of responsibility almost to be that figure, to
be that real life hero that can say, I've been
here. This is where I screwed up. Let's speed
up your learning process so that you don't waste
a month, two months, three years, whatever of
your life because of this problem. Oh, yeah.
Way, way, way longer. Way longer. Really? For
myself, it was a decade before. And that's what
I say. Like, you know, is it possible to learn
this stuff on your own? Yeah. But I wasted years
watching thousands, I would say thousands of
hours of YouTube videos and not garbage, you
know, good stuff. But I made the mistake and
what I tell a lot of people is don't make the
mistake of just consuming information. I read
100 books on personal development. Half of them
I could tell you maybe a summary. But I always
say that the longer the distance between obtaining
knowledge and implementing it, the less likely
you are to actually learn from it. Because, you
know, what is wisdom? To me, wisdom is applied
knowledge, you know, that comes from experience.
Who's smarter? The person who spends a thousand
hours, you know, reading books and watching videos
and that never applies it? Or the person who
doesn't spend that time at all and just does
whatever they want? I mean, if neither one of
them are going to use the information, I mean,
why even learn it? Yeah, there's a concept that
I try to abide by in my backgrounds in agriculture
and farming, and I know a lot of that more. But
it's like you can sit there and you can read
a thousand books about how to grow a tomato.
You could watch the YouTube videos. You could
talk to the Harvard and UC Davis professors that
specialize in that crop and commodity. But until
you actually go out in the field, plant the seeds
and. go through the process of watering it, of
taking care of it, day in and day out, doing
the inputs, you're never going to be able to
actually harvest the fruit. Yeah, 100%. You have
to be able to do the work physically, not just
mentally. Yeah, and that's what a lot of kids
that are intimidated by the real world have this
concept in their head that everyone's got their
shit together, and everyone's super professional
at what they're doing, and they're all experts.
And I remember thinking that way too. And then
you get into the real world and you're like,
like, I don't know how this person has a job,
you know, and you meet so many people that are
just like faking it until you make it. So, you
know, I try to motivate them by saying like,
you don't have to be perfect. You're applying
for, you know, an opening position, like an entry
level position. Like they're not expecting you
to have CEO qualities. Like they're just expecting
you really to just show up. I mean, most of the
jobs I had prior to this is like. You don't even
have to be good at it. Like they just like, especially
in today's world, like if you want to just keep
a job, all you got to do is like show up and
do the bare minimum. Now I don't promote that,
but if you're intimidated by not being, you know,
an expert at what you're doing, like step one,
like just show up. That is the biggest thing.
I mean, in BNI, one of our, during one of our
meetings, we had to end our 32nd with our key
to success. And mine was just do the damn thing.
You just need to show up. You need to go to the
event. You need to go shake hands. Like if you're
not showing up, if you're not doing the step
one, you're never going to get to step two. Another
thing I've heard is be impatient with your inputs,
but patient with your outputs. And it's like,
you just need to do the work. Like the outcome
will, the outputs will come eventually, but only
if you're actually out there planting the seeds.
Yeah, absolutely. And something that we are focusing
on a lot right now is the personal accountability
or things that young men or anybody that resonates
with the message can take away from this. And
something that I've gotten pushback on or questioning
is in terms of the difference between fault,
responsibility, and accountability. And I think
there's a lot of things where some things may
not be our faults, but it's our responsibility
to take care of it. But there might be some things
that are out of our control. But if we're saying
that everything is our fault or our thing to
take care of our responsibility, there's like
some kind of blurred lines. So I was just curious
if you could kind of go over that relationship
of fault, responsibility. And how that can apply
to young men just starting off, say the 18 year
old that just graduated from high school. Yeah.
So I'll say before I forget this, like you can't
deem yourself at fault for anything until you
realize that you're responsible for something,
you know? And the first step, like you can't
hold yourself accountable to something you don't
know that you're responsible for. And I think
that taking on, like when you're a boy, this
is what I say. Adult, like by law, you become
an adult at 18 and, you know, 21 for, you know,
for other stuff, right? You're an adult. You
can do most things in the adult world. But in
your brain, like mentally. There is no age. Maybe
society says you're supposed to be an adult at
this age. But in my experience, in my own life,
in the clients I work with, being an adult doesn't
have an age. I work with 16 -year -old kids who
are full -blown ready to crush it in the real
world. And I work with kids up to, I call them
kids, but young men in their 30s. And they're
not really ready to crush it, you know? And like
what I've determined it comes down to is becoming
an adult is all about your willingness to take
on responsibility. So when you become a base
level adult, like when you just get out there
and you're adulting, right? You just have to
do the bare minimum, but that's responsibilities
compared to what you used to do, which wasn't
much. If you came from your parents' house and
they did everything for you, it was probably
nothing. So now just you functioning as a basic
human being doing everyday tasks, to you that's
responsibility. The same thing in business too.
You always feel stressed out when you're starting
off or you're trying to level up or you're trying
to scale a business. That's so important to feel
that way. I was just talking to a client about
that today. That feeling of uncomfortability
is what generates confidence. Pushing through
that feeling, doing difficult things. That is
the only way to build confidence. Now, you know,
we could talk about it all day long, but it really
comes down to what are you doing when you look
back? You're defining yourself by your actions.
And what do you have to be proud of if you're
just doing the bare minimum, if you're just doing
what everyone else is doing, if you're just doing
what is expected of you? That's why it's so important,
like for, you know, everyone, but especially
young men to find a purpose. You know, it sounds
super cliche today, like, oh, you know, find
your purpose. But like, no, seriously, find your
purpose. Get a reason to be fired up, excited
to wake up in the morning. And I know a lot of
people are in a job that they're not too thrilled
about. And I get it. I've been there. I'm not
saying it's easy to back out of that situation.
I'm not oblivious to the real world that we got
bills and families and things going on. You can't
just drop out. Most people are living check to
check. And just having that fixed mindset of
like, well, this is my job. Put what someone
else going to pay my bills? No, they're not.
But you know, if that's the route you choose,
is that the easy route that you're signing up
for 3040 years of going to a job that you hate
living a life that you're Listen, I'm not going
to throw around the word happy. I don't hold
a ton of value in being happy. Everyone should
just be happy. For me to be happy, I need to
feel fulfilled. I need to be on my purpose, grinding.
And the only way that happens is to live in a
world of stress. And you could get shit under
control and still be stressed out on a daily
basis. But there's good stress and bad stress.
You're going to let the good stress, the good
stress is going to build you up, you know, and
it's these things that you overcome and you get
better in time. Bad stress is that shit that
eats you up. And generally that comes from, you
know, just not taking action on things, you know,
you should be taking action on. So, you know,
that's where accountability is. You won't have
accountability or feel responsible for anything
until you take on more stuff. Yeah. And what
you're just saying is hitting kind of close right
now because I just got off a call with one of
my business consulting clients. And that's what
we were talking about is as time goes on, things
come up. Like there's a proverb that goes, you
know, behind every mountain is a mountain. That
every time you get to the top of something, another
problem arises. This was specifically around
her marketing for her business. She's like, you
know, like I just figured out. the clearer offer,
but now I got to figure out how to communicate
it to people. And now I need a lead magnet. Now
I need this. Now I need that. She's like, it
just feels like it's so much constantly all the
time. I feel that it's like, yeah, because this
is what you chose. This is the hard that you
picked. And it's like, either you can pick the
heart you want in your life or life will give
you the heart. And it's really about just being
intentional with, you know, running a business
is hard working for someone else. The rest of
your life is hard. Doing these things is going
to be difficult, but it's about making that intentional
decision of what you want. And to go back to
another thing you're saying, I mean, I have my
own way of like guiding my clients towards mission
and purpose and values and vision. And I'm just
kind of curious if you could share with us, like,
what is your take on young men finding their
own purpose? Like, what does that look like to
you? The excellent exercise, great question,
but excellent exercise that I have all of them
do. I'm going to butcher the name. It's a Japanese
name, and I've been made fun of for pronouncing
it wrong, but it's called Ikigai, I -K -I -G
-A -I. I think that is a genius exercise for
them to do because it puts it in – I'll explain
it in a lesson of like, hey, this is what it
is. What do you like to do? What can you picture
yourself doing forever and not waking up and
hating your life? What does the world need? What
are you going to make money doing? And we talk
about it, but them being able to see it in four
circles and say, okay, well, I just got it. And
it's like, hey, straight up, just fill this in.
Fill in whatever comes to mind that you think
could fit in this circle, and then this one,
and then this one, and then this one. And then
where do they overlap? And so if you don't have,
and I'm not saying that. That is your path for
life. It changes. My own path has changed several
times. But if you don't know where you want to
go, just start moving. And you don't want to
move just completely randomly. So a lot of the
kids that I work with are maybe they got a college
degree or they're graduating high school, but
they're not really sure what they want to do.
They got a degree in something. Okay, I have
an idea. I'm going to go into business. All right,
great. That could be a thousand different things.
What, what do you, what do you like to do? You
know, like if you don't, and this is another
thing before I forget this, that if you have
no skills and you don't have a degree and you
don't have a path forward, so let's say you're
16 years old and you're just, and you're just
getting your working papers and you can go get
a job. Now I'm not knocking anyone who has a
job doing something like this, but like if you
have an option, If you're going to make $15 an
hour, no matter what you're doing, right? And
the option is either stock shelves or go be a
waiter somewhere. Go be a waiter somewhere. Because
the skill that you're gaining of being personable
and having to please a customer, right? That
is lifelong value. Stocking those shelves, yeah,
you might learn some organization skills and
kind of how to take orders. you know, be a little
bit responsible, but like the skill of being
personable and customer satisfaction is just,
you know, unmatched. It doesn't matter what you're
doing. You know, if you're going into business
of any sort, you need some kind of sales experience.
You need people like it's impossible to do, to
do life without other people. And I think that's
one of the biggest things BNI has shown me is
like, it's very hard to do everything on your
own, but you don't need to. There's a network
of other people who are willing to help you out,
but you won't bring value to the world. That's
why personal development is so important because
the more valuable you are as a person, the more
value you bring to the world. The more you expand
your skill set and your mindset, the more opportunities
you're going to have. Exactly. And I think there's
another concept that I learned that I – looking
back at my own 18 through 24, which – When I
was in school, I had mostly research projects
that I was working for and making some extra
cash. But right as soon as I graduated, I had
the option of taking a $40 ,000 a year job in
a lab. And I think it was just the idea of what
it meant to have a degree that was fed to me.
I thought that that was way too low of a salary
to get for someone with a Bachelor of Science.
So I said, no, I'll figure it out. I'll get something
else. And it's like one of those big regrets
that like, maybe I wouldn't have ended up where
I am now, but it would have taken me somewhere
else. But it was the concept of, are you in your
season of earning or your season of learning?
That are you going to be going for the, if you're
making 16 stocking shelves and you're getting
those like very basic soft skills or making,
let's say 15 a dollar less doing the waiter.
Like you should probably still do the waiter
depending on your situation. Oh, absolutely.
I would say, I mean, up to five hours an hour
or less. Yeah. Is you should be taking these
opportunities to learn more. Like I'm sure I
would have learned a heck of a lot more in that
role that I said no to than what I ended up when,
if with during COVID. So it would have been a
lot better, but it was just like, you have those
blinders on of I'm chasing more money. And I
think you said it earlier is that like the goal
of life isn't to chase the money. It's to be
in your values and do something that is, you
know, it helps others. It helps yourself. And
it's something that the world really needs. And
I think that that was something that I wish I
knew at that moment when I rejected the job.
But again, you know, it's the, what is it? The
burnt toast theory that if you dwell on these
things that you could have, should have done
differently, something else could have happened.
I also just kind of, yeah. What were you going
to say? I mean, I went through the same thing
when I graduated. I had a. degree in psychology
and sociology. I'm like, oh, hey, great. I'm
going into the real world. I graduated college.
My life is set. I'm, you know, palace white picket
fence. Wrong. Here's the job making $13 an hour.
And I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm, you
know, my value is too high. You know, I don't
regret anything. I'm past that point in my life
where I have regrets because it led me, all my
experiences have led me to where I am now to
be in a position of a ton of experience of life.
and mistakes that now i've used in to help other
people avoid these mistakes and you know now
i'm very good at what i do but i wouldn't be
i wouldn't even be in this position if i never
made the mistakes along the way that i made um
and back to your point on like making a couple
dollars less like i would say up to five dollars
and a whole less maybe more i don't think you
put a value on it because by the time you get
smacked with another realization of being adult
taxes By the time you get hit with taxes and
you realize, hey, the more you make, the more
they take, it doesn't really add up to that much.
So I always say, if you're 20, 25 or younger,
always choose experience over money, unless you've
got a starving baby in the house already. It's
just so much more valuable, but that's why finding,
you know, your purpose in life, like a general
career path that you think you're pretty, pretty
much going to be okay. Sticking with is very
important because you're building a resume, you
know, like compared to like, what are you going
to do? Put on, you decide like that, you know,
you want to chase your field and like, what are
you going to put on a resume? Like, yeah, you
know, I got experience like stocking shelves.
All right, great. You can work in the facts,
in the facts room. You could organize the documents
in a law firm. Like, you know, you want to just
be on your path because you're not going to get
the best job right away or, you know, even a
year or two in. That's another problem with like
this generation, even our generation. But the
youngest generation is like, like a year is too
much for them to work. Like they should have
everything already. You know, a couple of years
like I've been doing this for two years. Like,
yeah. And but it's less than that. It's like,
oh, I've been doing this for like three months
now. Like, it's just not working out. It's like.
it's not supposed to work out yet like it's three
months you know but when you're younger it just
feels like such a long time it's only when you
start getting older and you mature a little bit
that you're like you realize how fast time goes
yeah i think that's the other thing too is just
like the which i'm not sure how much of it plays
into social media or tiktok or these like shorter
attention spans but i mean also when you're young
three months of your life when you're 18 is a
significant portion compared to 27, 37, 45. You
know what I mean? Like that time is in relevant
terms to them a lot longer than it really is.
But it's just about like that setting of expectations.
Like reality is not meeting expectations. And
because they've held that expectation for so
much longer than that reality time, that almost
is overtaking. what they think should actually
be going on compared to what is. So it's just
like that weird thing. And I think it's like
what you're saying is that if they don't have
someone like you or a coach or a guide, or they
haven't done a lot of reading or research, when
that happens, they don't have any kind of learning
or backing to understand really what's going
on. And that is why someone like you that can
help them speed up that process is so valuable.
It's partly, you know, society. But yeah, good
luck blaming society. A lot of good that's going
to do. But I think the tide is slowly changing
of what people are expecting out of college.
You know, you look at statistics and more and
more people are going to get a graduate degree
because the equivalent of a high of, you know,
back in the day, like you had, you know, when
our parents are growing up, like not a ton of
people went to college. So it was like, oh, yeah,
they went to college. Like, you know, they're
extra qualified. But now every like. I would
say in the 80 percentile at least, I don't know
the stats on this, but most kids go to some form
of college out of high school now. So in a way,
it loses its value of setting you apart. So now
people are looking like, well, what can I do
to set myself apart from the herd so more people
go to graduate school? And then, you know, well,
what do you do? And I'm not knocking it because
I have these degrees, right? I don't associate
a ton of value with it, but like I have them
because there's people who do associate value
with it. And I was playing that game for a long
time. So I did that. But now you have, say you
have a master's degree. What separates you from
all these other people with a master's degree?
And I think it's probably, you know, at some
point, like people are starting to realize like,
well. What else outside of academia is going
to set me apart? And this is what I try to do.
This is my full intent is teaching the life skills,
the things that really matter, regardless of
your field of interest and your career path,
the core things that really matter that will
set you apart from just somebody else who went
to school. Like, and you know, to all the parents
out there, Big deal. You could, your kid has
straight A's like, what else do they do? You
know, if all they do is school and memorize things
and, and they're robots of the system, like with
nothing else going on and their whole worth and
their whole self value is based on their grades.
Like no wonder why kids, you know, lose their
mind. They get a B in a class, you know, like,
because a lot of parents out there, especially,
you know, certain ethnicity and cultures like
hold so much value in school and i'm not saying
it's not important but if all your child can
do is get good grades in school great they're
good at memorizing things you know but like are
they good at life are they capable of like living
on their own and like doing things and and socializing
like one of the biggest things that's why i brought
up you know how building the skill of person
ability is because like, yo, it is lacking severely.
I work with a lot of youth, my other business
too. And like, damn man, like COVID didn't help
kids, you know, not being, having face -to -face
interactions for years and not going into school
in person, like was the worst thing that could
have happened. But social skills, communication
skills are severely lacking. Like it's, it's
like awkward trying to talk to a lot of kids
today. And, you know, that's going to hold them
back. And I know parents are busy and, you know,
your job and the bills and everything. But, like,
I get it. But if you don't have time to teach
your kid these skills and they're not learning
these skills in school, where are they going
to learn them? When? You know, when they're 25,
30, 35? Never? Because, you know, you need to
be exposed to this stuff at some point. to be
able to learn there's no other way to really
you know learn it and generally if you don't
have a mentor of some sort if you don't have
like a coach or someone who's going to guide
you to this information it's not going to pop
up on your algorithm like for me to find this
like i had to become what's known as a seeker
you know i was seeking information from the from
Even from a young age when I really wasn't full
-blown into personal development, I always kind
of questioned the way things work. I'm like,
I don't really believe that. I'll write this
on this test, but I don't think that. That doesn't
even make sense. So when I got to a point where
I started learning on my own and asking these
kind of questions and doing my own research,
I became what's known as a seeker of knowledge,
of the truth. And that is really what blew the
doors wide open. But if you're not exposed to
this, It'll take you a decade to find this stuff
and actually start using it in your life. And
that's really the advantage of having a coach,
a mentor, anyone. If you have someone in your
life and they're willing to teach you this stuff,
you surround yourself with them. Yeah, I think
that's really just one of the biggest takeaways
from our episode is whatever it is that you want
to do, whatever it is that you want to be, you
need to find that person. And start kind of learning
from them and absorbing that so that you can
speed up that learning process. And just as like
one of the last questions, I was telling a couple
people that I was going to be talking to you.
And it's not an exact quote of a question, but
it was just a general vibe. Like there is a lot
of alpha male influencers and other coaches out
there. I mean, I can name specific ones, but
I'm sure when I say that you might be able to
come up with an idea in your head of what that
looks like. How do you differentiate yourself
from those? Because those ones, a lot of the
alpha male folks can look a little bit more negative
or have negative connotations around them. I'm
just curious what your take on the industry,
maybe what's wrong with the industry or what's
different? Well, I mean, what's wrong with the
industry? There's a ton. It's got, you know,
everyone's a self -proclaimed coach of some sort.
with courses of some sort, I mean, whatever,
you know, I'm not here, I'm not here to hate
on anybody. But what I want to say is like, the
biggest factor in creating change with people
is the ability to relate, you know, people have
to be able to relate to you and trust you, you
know, and know, like, you know, you're not full
of shit. And, you know, you have been through
this stuff. And I just made a video yesterday,
I don't even know if it dropped yet or it's planned
for later this week saying like you know there's
a lot of people out excuse me a lot of influences
out there with that rah rah bullshit and it's
true though you know there is and like in certain
instances in certain areas i think that's good
like when it comes to like the gym or something
or being physical like i you know i think that
is generally the way to motivate people to go
hit the gym you know like a little bit of tough
love but That what's lacking with, you know,
alpha males is like what's known as like soft
skills, you know, where you're not going to see
anybody usually like my, you know, that looks
like myself in a good physical shape. And a lot
of things like I do stand for like, you know,
healthy masculine traits and qualities, but it's
lacking in skills like self -awareness, you know,
that or you people talk about mindset, but self
-awareness and. like the the goal setting part
of thing it's just like the the back side of
things like the work that it the dark work that
you have to do on yourself rather i think the
the alpha image comes off as like you know f
what's wrong with me like you know just go forward
you know what i mean and i'm not the guy to say
you know sit down with a therapist for a couple
years and like talk about your feelings in your
past like i'm not that guy either But I would,
you know, for myself, like maybe people view
me as alpha male. But, you know, what I would
refer to myself as is what's known as a sigma
male. And people, if you're watching this, you're
like, a sigma male? What is that? Look it up
on YouTube. You know, it's, you know, the physical
characteristics more of an alpha male, but the
thinking brain of a philosopher, of a stoic.
Is the best way I could describe that. And that's
that's what I try to be, you know, and I want
people to see like you can have the best of both
worlds. Like I I take pride in, you know, looking
good and feeling good and, you know, being physically
capable. But I probably take at least just as
much or more pride in the fact that I'm. knowledgeable.
I've put a ton of time into learning things and
firsthand experiences of things. And that was
part of my process of peeling away that mask
of masculinity. Great book by Lewis Howes, who
runs School of Greatness. It's called Mask of
Masculinity. And that book really showed me like,
hey, I am hiding a lot of stuff by being this
alpha male. in a way. So it taught me a lot of
things like, nah, dude, there's more to it than
rah -rah. So, you know, that's what I would say.
It's deeper than that. And also don't, you know,
don't judge the book by its cover. You know,
a lot of people might look and like, look at
this guy, you know, what's he talking about?
But if you watch my videos, I'm not really rah
-rah. I'm actually very soft -spoken because,
you know, I'm passionate about what I'm saying,
but there ain't no reason to. You know, get crazy.
Like you realize when you start to mature that
raising your voice, people listen less. You know,
it's the soft speaking people that don't speak
that often that people listen to. Perfect. Yeah.
I mean, in my notes right here, I had written
down difference, self -awareness, question mark.
I think that's exactly what you hit was that
typical alpha male that. I don't know, that type
of stereotype is very rah -rah. It's very, I
haven't actually done a whole lot. I'm just kind
of screaming at a camera telling you to get your
stuff together while I'm not the one doing the
work. And I think the biggest thing with what
you're saying too is you've done the work, internal,
external, that your physical appearance also
matches what is going on in your brain. You're
not just pumping iron. You're also doing that
mental, emotional, physical work that is required
to... take your clients where they really need
to go. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I had something
else on my mind too, that I was going to say
is like, Oh, it's, it's when you think of an
alpha male, what comes to my mind is like, not
somebody who is willing to get honest feedback
and criticism about themselves, not somebody
who is willing to get advice and be coached by
other people. Um, and you don't learn like that,
you know, you got to let go of the ego and realize
like, you know, I don't know everything because,
and even when it comes to the gym, like there's
always a bigger dog on the, on the playground,
you know? So, and I've been humbled like that
in, in that way too. So it's, it's being willing
to just realize that like, you don't know everything,
you know, and you're not the best at what you're
doing. So there's always someone to learn from.
Like confident in what you've done, but humble
enough to know what you don't know. Exactly.
That you can always learn something. And I think,
I think I talked about this in my, on my March
10th episode about my walk is, you know, I did
this big, crazy thing. I did my walk. And then
suddenly I find other people that did it faster
or went longer or walked across another continent.
And it's like, damn, there's always somebody
else. There's always, like you said, a bigger
fish. And there's always more to learn. So if
people wanted to learn more from you and see
what you have to offer, what would be the best
way for them to get in contact with you? I would
say Instagram at Ricky Carilli, R -I -C -K -Y
-C -A -R -I -L -L -I. I'm on TikTok and YouTube
under the same at. But yeah, you check out my
website, rickicarilli .com. But if you're looking
for free daily value. just trying to connect,
like definitely go to Instagram. It's where I'm
probably the most active. Perfect. Yeah. And
I took guys in the last couple of weeks that
I've been following Ricky. He has been posting
a ton of content. He has a nice backlog already.
So I'll be sure to put all of his contact information
down in the show notes. And Ricky, thank you
so much for taking the time to share your knowledge
and magic with listeners. I know that pretty
much anybody that listens to this will be able
to take away at least a few pieces of. knowledge
or information. What I love the most about it
was that it's very actionable. A lot of this
is something you can start doing today. So thank
you for spending the time. Thank you, bro. I
appreciate you having me. Anytime, hit me up.
We got a link up sometime soon, only an hour
away. Yeah, exactly. And that's the other great
thing about BNI and these other things is that
we're able to find each other and find like -minded
people. So we'll definitely do that. For sure.
And then thank you, of course, to the listeners
for spending some time today. Thank you for giving
us your most valuable resource, which is your
time and your attention. I hope that it was worth
the tradeoff for sure. If you have any questions,
suggestions, comments, reminders, please let
me know. My email is ranger at withinrangecoaching
.com. If you could please take a second to just
leave a rating and review on whatever podcast
platform you're listening to this on, I would
super appreciate it so that this could get into
more people's ears and really help people that
need it the most. As always, remember that the
best is yet to come as long as you are willing
to make the decision every day to never settle,
never quit, and never peak. I'll see you guys
in the next one.