Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening everybody,
and welcome to today's episode
of the NeverPeak Project Podcast.
I'm your host, Coach Ranger, and in today's episode,
we're tackling a challenge
that every single ambitious person faces on their journey,
the inner critic, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome.
For a majority of the episode,
we're gonna be referring to this inner critic
that's self-doubt that imposter syndrome
as the sabotaging voice.
And it's really that voice that says things like,
you're not good enough, why even try?
You don't know enough, you don't have the right tech,
you don't have the right equipment,
you don't have the right skills.
You are not good enough, therefore you shouldn't even try.
And today, we're gonna break it down,
understand where it comes from,
and learn how we can reframe it to use
as an effective tool to get where we want to go.
We're gonna go ahead and jump back a few years ago
to when I was first starting to plan my walk across America.
I heard terrible things constantly,
like, this isn't for people like you,
you don't have the money to do that,
you don't have the skills to do that.
Other people that have done it before you
have something that you just don't have.
Even if you started, you wouldn't make it halfway across.
And who are you to think that you are someone
that can do something like this?
And no, that wasn't said to me by a partner, a friend,
a crazy uncle or a stranger on the internet.
Those are all things that I heard in my own head.
Those are things that, at the time,
I thought I was telling myself.
Keyword there, I thought I was telling myself.
And really, that is the sabotaging work at play.
That's that nagging, nasty voice
that we have in all of our heads
that really says those things to us on a consistent basis.
And typically, it sounds like fears and doubts of others.
It's very easy to personify that voice
as a loved one or someone close to us,
but really, it's coming from within our own heads.
It's our own doubts, it's our own worries and concerns
about the worst case scenarios of the situation
that we're going to put ourselves in
in order to get to where we actually want to go.
In my case, getting to the other side of the country,
that sabotaging voice was trying to prevent me
from even starting the adventure.
There wasn't even an aspect of,
oh, let's see how far we can get,
let's see what we can do.
It was, you're not gonna make it, why even try?
And really, that's because that voice
is a form of self-protection.
It's meant to make sure that the risks that we're taking
are actually calculated, that they are well thought of
beforehand, and it's really that amygdala lizard brain
part of our minds that we haven't really evolved out of.
That part of our brain was fantastic
when we were running away from saber-tooth tigers
or other cavemen, but now when the biggest worry is failure
or not getting where we wanna go or et cetera, et cetera,
all that voice is really doing is keeping us in a shell,
keeping us small and keeping us stagnant
and where we're currently at.
It's really making sure that we're staying in this inertia
that we have created for ourselves.
And when I was going through my coach training
a few years ago, we had to read a book called
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
In that book, the part that I liked the most
that I took away from it was basically that that voice
is just a roommate, it's not really you.
And being able to separate it out from yourself
is insanely impactful in terms of you being able to
put it to the side, acknowledge what it's saying,
great, thank you for your input,
but you don't have to listen to what it says
because it's not really you.
When it comes to the sabotaging voice,
that part of your mind that says these nasty things to you,
the most important thing to remember
is that you are not the voice.
That voice is separate from who you really are.
That voice of perfectionism or procrastination
or excuses, fear, worry, self-doubt, et cetera, et cetera,
that really isn't who you are.
That's because that inner dialogue, again, it's not you,
it's just noise.
It has just been this thing that's been compounded over time
and if you've never really stopped to evaluate it
or really listened to it or understand it,
it can just feel like this cacophony of noise,
this orchestra of self-doubt that because it is so loud,
therefore you make the determination that it is correct.
It's kind of like the people that are protesting
or people on the internet,
it's usually the people that are the loudest
are the ones that get their voices heard,
but that doesn't always mean that they are the ones
that are in the majority or even right for that matter,
just as a general statement.
But that self-doubt is typically the one
that's screaming at you not to do something
rather than the voice that is you actually saying,
I want to do this thing.
I want to take the new job,
ask the girl, shoot the shot, right?
So when it comes to getting past that voice,
there really are a few effective strategies
that Singer talks about in his book, The Untethered Soul,
there'll be an Amazon link in the description.
Really when it comes down to the steps
that Singer recommends,
it's really just all around the idea of listen,
but don't engage.
Don't actually talk back to the voice,
don't engage with it, don't give it the time of day,
let it say its piece, ignore it and move on.
And in terms of a little bit of an NLP approach to it,
listen to what it says,
imagine that it's a person sitting next to you,
and then really think to yourself,
if this was a friend or a person
that I was sitting next to on a bench in a park,
and they're saying all these things to me,
would I really listen to them or not?
And typically, that is your answer
in terms of whether or not you should or should not
do the thing that you want to do.
In my case, it was walk across the country.
Once I was able to pull this part of my mind out
and put it off to the side somewhere,
it was really able to help me evaluate the actual reason
that I thought those things.
Maybe if I was thinking that I wasn't prepared enough
and I was letting that stop me from getting prepared,
I could take that and put it to the side and say,
okay, for myself, what do I need to focus on?
Do I need to focus on the gear?
Do I need to focus on the route,
the people where I'm staying,
how I'm going to solve issues as they arise or what?
Maybe in the business, it could be things like,
there's no reason to start,
I don't know well enough, blah, blah, blah.
Well, maybe I need to get into a referral network.
Maybe I need to start networking more.
Maybe I need to read more books.
Maybe I need to do another thing of training.
But it's really about making sure
that you're taking purposeful action
towards where you actually want to go.
Because if you're just moving in a direction
without knowing if that is even directionally correct,
not even absolutely correct,
you're just gonna start wandering around
and never really know where you're going to land.
I mentioned this earlier,
but I think that kind of understanding
where this fear voice comes from and why it's a thing
is also helpful in terms of us being able to move past it.
So being able to recognize that it is a separate piece of you
is just the very beginning.
And there's a tool that I use with some of my clients
that I'll talk about in just a moment
that really has helped quite a few people
in terms of getting past that voice or voices
in some people's cases.
But it's really just understanding that that voice,
that amygdala, that fight or flight aspect of our minds
is called the lizard brain.
And the lizard brain is really there
to protect you from perceived threats,
to make sure you don't get hurt,
to make sure that you can make it to the next day,
and make sure that your loved ones and tribe, family,
whatever you wanna call it, are protected.
But in modern times, those threats can come across
as new challenges, risks, or even opportunities
rather than actual life endangering dangers.
It's the voice that magnifies self-doubt and fear.
It questions your abilities, uses past mistake as proof,
keeps you stuck in analysis paralysis,
and triggers extremely emotional responses.
And this is really the danger of listening to that voice
is that you'll never be able to, if you listen to it,
you'll never be able to really get past it
and move towards the goal or outcome
that you're really trying to create for yourself.
Which again, could be starting a business,
walking across the country,
or any other big crazy thing that you wanna do.
If you're listening to this lizard brain part of your mind,
that voice, you're never gonna be able to move past it.
That's why I tell my clients
when we're working through the sabotaging voice,
this lizard brain, it's not a bad guy, right?
It's like that scene from Wreck-It Ralph,
like I'm a bad guy, but I'm not a bad guy.
I think that is really the biggest thing to keep in mind
when it comes to the sabotaging voice
is our goal with it isn't to get rid of it
or strike it from our minds,
it's really to see it differently,
to kind of repurpose what it's doing in our mind
so that we can use it to be more effective,
to be more collaborative,
and really bring it into this new state
where it is useful for us.
And I kind of hinted to that earlier
when I was talking about potential ways
that I use it during my Walk Across America planning.
But really, instead of looking at it
as a negative bad guy aspect in your mind,
I really think that the better way,
the more fruitful way to look at the sabotaging voice
is more so as a misguided protector.
It might be a tribe elder that has been hurt in the past
and they're really just trying to warn you
so that you don't make the same mistakes that they did.
Being able to see it a little bit differently
helps in terms of being able to use them on your team
as opposed to being a adversary.
So if I were to give you a step-by-step process
for reframing the inner critic,
in order for you to turn self-doubt into strength,
it would be these next four steps.
And as always, these steps are going to be in the show notes
and on my Instagram following the posting of this episode.
So the very first step
is to just recognize the sabotaging voice.
Start noticing when it comes up,
identify the specific phrases it repeats,
and pay attention to the situations that trigger it.
Now you might want to keep some kind of journal
or a note in your phone
and just kind of make notes as it comes up.
This isn't something to do 24-7 throughout the day.
Just kind of notice when it's happening.
And also understand the feelings
that it creates for you internally.
Does it kind of cause like a lump in your throat?
Do you kind of feel your face get hot
when you're thinking about it?
Do your hands get sweaty?
Really understand how it's emotionally affecting you as well.
The second step is to challenge the narrative.
It's really about asking yourself, is this really true?
Is this actually correct?
Is this the story that I want to tell myself?
And this could be a good time
for every time that it says these negative things to you.
Counter it with past examples of success,
no matter how small.
This is one of those things that Alex Ramosi says
where it's build a stack of proof that is so large
that you are basically able to prove to anybody
that you are who you say you are.
And if you're proving that to this voice, that is fantastic.
Just use any piece of proof that you can,
any kind of past success,
whether it was an award, a grade, a great accolade,
et cetera, et cetera.
It's really just showing this voice
that you are capable of doing these big, cool, crazy things.
And a continuous reminder to yourself,
maybe write this at the top of the journal,
but fear is not a prophecy.
Step three is really about personifying that voice.
Earlier I kind of mentioned that it could look like
a tribe elder that's been hurt in the past.
It could be a snarky squirrel.
It could be a big blob of negativity.
For me personally, the way that I describe my voice
is it's kind of like TV static.
It's just kind of overwhelming.
It's very loud.
It's dark.
And for me, it just kind of covers,
clouds my mind and my decision-making
to the point that I don't really know
what is the best way to move forward
because I can't see anything.
So really being clear on what the sabotaging voice
looks like for you, maybe give it a name.
And this also is a great NLP tactic
because it helps you separate it out from yourself.
I've had clients that have described
their sabotaging voice as the businessman.
It's been Mr. and Mrs. Perfect.
It's been all these other things
that are very easy for them to remember and identify.
Oh, that's the businessman talking,
or oh, that's Mr. and Mrs. Perfect saying their piece, right?
So it's really about helping yourself pull it further
from who you are so that you don't identify as that voice.
And step four is to stop waiting
and actually move forward, to take action.
Confidence is built through action,
not waiting to feel ready.
And every time you're able to prove
that sabotaging voice wrong, it gets quieter.
You know that old saying, actions speak louder than words?
That's exactly where this comes into play.
In the description for this episode,
as well as on my social media,
I'm going to post a carousel,
or I guess just generally in the notes,
the four steps that I just mentioned,
as well as a writing prompt for you to use
if you would like to help you understand
the sabotaging voice, see how it comes up for you.
And if you'd like more personalized one-to-one help,
something that I do with a lot of my clients
is called a parts work session.
And in the session, I help my clients
understand their sabotaging voice, give it a name,
as well as start to pick apart the other pieces
in their minds that may be at play.
And if you'd like more personalized one-to-one help,
I do something called a parts work session
where we sit down together and we not only identify
the sabotaging voice and give it a name,
but we also start working towards identifying
the other parts in your mind.
So if you ever feel like there is a manager in your mind
that is kind of barking orders,
a firefighter that's always putting out fires,
or any other parts of you that aren't really in alignment,
that is something that I can work with you with.
And if you'd like to schedule a session,
go ahead and hit the interest link
in the description as well,
and I'd be more than happy to get back to you
and see about working with you
to move past the sabotaging voice.
Please leave a rating and review
on whatever podcast platform you're listening to this on.
And as always, remember, the best is yet to come,
as long as you're willing to make the decision
to never settle, never quit, and never peak.
I'll see you guys in the next one.