1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,200 Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, everybody. 2 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,160 And welcome to today's episode of the Never Peak Project 3 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,200 podcast. 4 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,000 I'm your host, Coach Ranger. 5 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,680 And in today's episode, we have a fantastic guest. 6 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:14,120 And I've kind of talked about it a little bit before during 7 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:18,200 the self-employment updates or just kind of off the cuff 8 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,280 during the normal Mindset Monday episodes that I do. 9 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,280 But I recently, before the walk, I 10 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,760 lived in Modesto for a few years. 11 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,720 And that's where I started my business. 12 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:31,000 And that is where I did my first networking events. 13 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,320 I did all the paperwork for the city and the county, 14 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,880 all the annoying things you kind of 15 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,760 have to do when you're starting. 16 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:41,200 And then started establishing myself with Gold Star 17 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,960 and all these referral networks. 18 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,640 Then I kind of abandoned the whole thing, went on the walk, 19 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:49,280 and had to start over again a few hundred miles west. 20 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,520 And that was something I was pretty worried about, 21 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,320 because when you're going to a new area, 22 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,360 not only do you have to kind of make new friends, 23 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,680 you have to kind of understand the dynamic and what's going on. 24 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:00,920 But when you're starting a business, 25 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,600 there's that extra layer of nobody knows who you are, 26 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,840 nobody really trusts you or likes you necessarily. 27 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,360 So you're kind of starting over from scratch. 28 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,640 But thankfully, I was lucky enough 29 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,120 to come across our guest today at a Half Moon Bay networking 30 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,280 event through the Chamber of Commerce. 31 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,320 And she has been fantastic in making me feel comfortable being 32 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:23,880 in a new area, introducing me to new people. 33 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,560 And we talked about it before with other guests 34 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,240 where they kind of feel like they're the light in the darkness. 35 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,400 Where it's, I'm confused, I'm overwhelmed. 36 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,680 But here's this person that can kind of lead me where is best. 37 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,880 So that is why I am so excited to have Chris Lynn on as a guest. 38 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:43,480 Chris Lynn, thank you so much for sharing more magic and light 39 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:44,360 in my life. 40 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,160 And now finally, the life of my listeners. 41 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,280 Oh, thank you so much for having me. 42 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,880 I'm so excited and I'm so appreciative 43 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,880 that you even came to the Chamber 44 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,280 and it's been a real pleasure getting to know you 45 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,280 and everything that you're working on. 46 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,880 So I'm so excited. 47 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,320 Yeah, I appreciate it. 48 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,760 For those that don't know me as well as you did 49 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,240 or haven't read your bio just yet, 50 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,080 can you just kind of give a quick intro of who you are, 51 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,760 what you do and what we're here to talk about today? 52 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:19,040 Yeah, so I call myself the Chief Executive Optimist. 53 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:23,600 So the CEO of the Coastside Chamber of Commerce. 54 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,080 And that's here in Half Moon Bay. 55 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:30,760 However, our region is what we call the Coastside, 56 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:35,560 which is a large area covering from Pacifica 57 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,640 all the way down to the Santa Cruz County line. 58 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,560 So with Half Moon Bay kind of our hub. 59 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,520 Gotcha. 60 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,960 And what, I know we talked about this a little bit off air, 61 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,440 but what exactly does a chamber do for the local? 62 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,960 Kind of see the sign every town that I walk through, 63 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,760 like walked by the Chamber of Commerce 64 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:58,000 or other businesses kind of looking things 65 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,040 that look like a chamber, 66 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,040 but what is it that you actually do? 67 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:07,600 So there, we have a saying where when you've seen one chamber, 68 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,000 you've seen one chamber 69 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:13,000 because each chamber is very different in what we do. 70 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,280 So I want to preface that what I say is very specific 71 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,120 to our chamber, 72 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,400 although there may be some overlaps with other chambers. 73 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:25,400 So we run multiple facets for the benefit 74 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,040 of our business community. 75 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,560 So most people are used to nonprofits serving food 76 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:37,040 or giving clothing or those types of things. 77 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:41,560 We're the nonprofit for our area that helps businesses 78 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:45,000 hopefully thrive and survive and grow. 79 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,840 So that means our services are very, very wide ranging. 80 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,440 So for us, we run the visitor center, 81 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,680 we help run the business development center, 82 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,480 we help run the workforce development center, 83 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,560 we put on a lot of the events. 84 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,080 So we're coming up on what we call nights of lights, 85 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,640 which is a big holiday parade. 86 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,240 And it's all meant to get people downtown 87 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:08,800 so that they start purchasing their holiday gifts 88 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,280 and they shop local. 89 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,480 And then we also run visit half Moon Bay. 90 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,120 So trying to get the visitors to town 91 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,960 because that's our number one industry. 92 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:20,440 So we just have a thousand different programs 93 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,840 that we run on an annual basis 94 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:27,360 to try to help our businesses stay up and going. 95 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:28,960 And one of the things that I noticed 96 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,120 about our chamber specifically 97 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,680 and kind of what you just mentioned 98 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,120 was that when you think about chamber of commerce, 99 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,600 it's small business development, 100 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,960 bringing in tourism, helping in that regard. 101 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,960 But I also noticed that you said something about employment. 102 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,120 That it's not just the businesses, 103 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,080 but it's about helping people get more opportunities 104 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,520 to develop skills or help build up 105 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,800 their own personal finances, right? 106 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,080 Yes. 107 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,160 So it's very important that there's a holistic view 108 00:04:56,160 --> 00:05:00,640 to the community in making sure 109 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,160 that everybody has the opportunity 110 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:06,040 to thrive and survive as well as the businesses. 111 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,080 And the businesses are nothing if not for employees. 112 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,880 So we need the employees to have all of the tools 113 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:17,880 in their tool belt to work for our local businesses 114 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,600 and help them. 115 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,600 So that's even like our local McDonald's 116 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:22,800 talking to them and saying, 117 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,680 hey, we're hiring predominantly kids right out of high school 118 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:27,760 or for their summer jobs. 119 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,840 So we need them to understand some basic math 120 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,000 because they need to know how big a burger is 121 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,120 and how to run the cash register 122 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,560 and how to count change and all of these things. 123 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,840 So then they tell us what they need. 124 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,000 And then we try to make sure that there's classes 125 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,320 either through our school system, through the adult school. 126 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,000 And if there isn't, then we create them here. 127 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,400 We have a classroom and we'll bring programs 128 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:55,400 to try to get people skilled for what we need on the coast side. 129 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:56,680 I love that. 130 00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,480 Because it's very much the, was it rising tide 131 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,920 brings up all the ships? 132 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,760 I think that's the saying, but it's not the, 133 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,160 oh, go ahead. 134 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:11,080 So it's saying, yeah, rising tides lift all boats. 135 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:11,920 Thank you. 136 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,080 Okay. 137 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,960 It's not just this sector of business owners 138 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,080 making them go higher and higher 139 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,520 and leaving everybody else behind. 140 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,600 It's really raising the bar for everybody 141 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,320 so that everybody has that opportunity. 142 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,400 They have the resources. 143 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,080 I'm sure there is a little bit of that, 144 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:29,760 maybe correct me if I'm wrong, 145 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,160 but maybe there's a thing between, 146 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,240 there are these amount of resources or opportunities, 147 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,080 but this amount of people that actually use them. 148 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,920 I think that might be something. 149 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:39,720 So like kind of also letting people know 150 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,560 about the cool stuff that you're doing. 151 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:43,680 Yes, yes. 152 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,400 That is what our biggest hurdle is. 153 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:50,080 So so much of what we do is actually free 154 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,440 to our community. 155 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,800 The classes are free. 156 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,560 We try our best to market everybody that we can. 157 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,120 We have a website that any business on the coast side 158 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,400 can put their business on the directory, 159 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,520 can promote their events, their sales and specials. 160 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,960 And some of that really sits unused 161 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,680 because we've built the tool, 162 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,720 but we really have to work very, very hard 163 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,160 to get the businesses to spend the time to use them. 164 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:18,880 I feel targeted because I didn't know 165 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,720 that there was an online directory like that. 166 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,360 It sounds almost like a blue ocean. 167 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,960 There's not very many people that are kind of in that, 168 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,360 in these opportunities. 169 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,000 So it sounds like a really good resource for people. 170 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:30,960 They're like, if they jump in, 171 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,520 there's not very many competitors in that regard either. 172 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,520 Or am I thinking to... 173 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,720 No, so there's a lot of competition 174 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,920 for the average business owner's time, right? 175 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,920 So it's like, even if we told you 176 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,920 when you first joined the chamber 177 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,800 that this might have existed, 178 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,560 there's a very good chance that we said it in such a way 179 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,720 that it was just kind of passing in one ear 180 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,320 and out the other and, you know, 181 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,840 a whole bunch of things that we were throwing at you 182 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,240 at one time. 183 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:07,080 And so it's really hard to cut through the noise 184 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,240 that every business owner has to go through 185 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:13,880 to try to get them to, you know, help us help them. 186 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,200 That's one of the real challenges of a chamber. 187 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,240 And this one is gonna be more universal. 188 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,840 We can only put out what the business owners put in. 189 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,400 So it's really frustrating 190 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:25,880 because somebody will join the chamber 191 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,640 and we have all of these resources 192 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,680 that they can use that we've set up. 193 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:30,880 We do our best. 194 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:35,840 And then a year when their membership is set to renew, 195 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,960 they cancel it and they're like, 196 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,520 well, I don't know what your chamber did for me. 197 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,360 You did nothing. 198 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,680 And it's like, but you didn't come to a single event. 199 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,360 You didn't network with anybody. 200 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:48,200 You didn't, you know, you didn't post your events. 201 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,040 You did it. 202 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:52,480 Like we can't, we are literally one and a half people. 203 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,960 We can't chase down 400 businesses 204 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,080 to get their information. 205 00:08:56,080 --> 00:09:01,080 We need them to give us something to work with. 206 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:06,520 But we also realized that businesses are inundated 207 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,200 with all of the things that they have to do 208 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,560 to just be in business. 209 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,560 The administration for running a business 210 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,160 is absolutely mind boggling. 211 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:16,560 And so we acknowledge that. 212 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:20,400 So we do our best to try to do the parts of it that we can. 213 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,760 But at some point, a business owner has to be responsible 214 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,640 that they get out what they put in. 215 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:29,240 How many people are a part of this chamber specifically? 216 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:34,320 So pre pandemic, which I'm so sick of saying that word, 217 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,280 by the way, but pre pandemic, 218 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:40,320 we hovered around 375 members. 219 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,280 Now we are hovering around 200 members. 220 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,880 But for us, it's a little bit different 221 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,080 because quite honestly, membership, 222 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,280 which is how chambers run, 223 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,880 was a little bit of a dirty word for me. 224 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,760 And that I have a hard time with exclusivity. 225 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,720 I don't want my work to only apply 226 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,600 to a certain amount of businesses. 227 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:07,560 So the pandemic really allowed me to get my board on board 228 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,160 with supporting all of the businesses in the community, 229 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:15,200 not just the ones that were willing to pay the annual fee 230 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,360 of $300. 231 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,320 Cause for some businesses, that's really hard 232 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:22,840 or they know that they don't have a lot to put in 233 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:23,680 time wise. 234 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:27,080 So they acknowledged that ahead of time. 235 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,200 And I don't want to penalize businesses 236 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,720 because they're busy being businesses. 237 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:37,200 So during the pandemic, we rewrote our mission 238 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,600 so that we supported all coside businesses, 239 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,040 not just members. 240 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,840 So even though our membership hovers at 200, 241 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,040 that's 200 businesses that just love us 242 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,520 and want to support the work that I'm doing. 243 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:54,880 But in my mind, I represent the 1800 businesses 244 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:55,800 on the coside. 245 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,560 Yeah, so it's about representing the entire community, 246 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:04,120 not necessarily just the sectors that are, 247 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,000 not just the ones that I guess that are paying, 248 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,800 but are everybody's bought into the overall success 249 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,440 of the community is kind of the ideal, right? 250 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,640 Yes, yes. 251 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,160 Yeah, gotcha. 252 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,080 How cool, awesome. 253 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,080 Well, I feel like we could spend an entire episode 254 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,760 talking about what the chamber does 255 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:26,880 and all these amazing things, 256 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,360 but I just want to make sure that we kind of 257 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,120 explain what exactly it is. 258 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,560 I mean, one of the big things that's selling points for me 259 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:36,200 was the meeting room and the classroom. 260 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,280 Just having that as a home-based business 261 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,840 where I can have somewhere where I can do workshops, 262 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,600 where I could do group coaching meetings 263 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,040 or meet with people in person, 264 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,720 not in just a coffee shop or somewhere loud 265 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,640 where there is some privacy. 266 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,040 You guys are working on the media room for podcasting 267 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,400 and voiceovers and all these amazing things. 268 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,320 I think I just want to make sure that I have 269 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,640 some sound bites to kind of promote the chamber 270 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,760 and the amazing work that you guys are doing here 271 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:06,760 and just that opportunity for folks to prosper. 272 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:12,040 But in terms of this episode specifically, 273 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,040 I know that we want to talk a bit more about your journey 274 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,640 and kind of how it relates to the overall purpose 275 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,440 of the Never Peak project and that mentality. 276 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,360 So would you want to go ahead and just kind of explain 277 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,320 the challenges that you've overcome, 278 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,680 what those challenges are and kind of how you landed from, 279 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:33,640 I guess this cocktail of life experience, right? 280 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,440 Into Chamber of Commerce CEO. 281 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,240 Yeah, so I think the first thing I would acknowledge 282 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:46,320 is that my challenges with having autism 283 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,680 and ADHD have not been overcome. 284 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:54,680 I work on them on a daily basis, a momentarily basis. 285 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:02,760 So I constantly am trying to self-evaluate 286 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,840 how I am moving through the world, 287 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,000 how people are perceiving me through the world 288 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:13,040 so that I can adjust myself and my behaviors 289 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:18,040 and my reactions to best fit what I want to, 290 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,480 what I say be when I grow up. 291 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:25,120 So I'm 43, but I don't really consider myself 292 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,960 as reaching my top potential. 293 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,800 I'm just always striving for the next. 294 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,880 So, but to do that, I have to be willing to evolve. 295 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:38,880 And so I read a lot of online support groups 296 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:43,880 and listened to a lot of podcasts where they really dive 297 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:48,120 into the mentality of ADHD and autism. 298 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:53,120 And I really found out that I had autism when I was 37. 299 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,960 So I think it's important to note that in my background, 300 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:03,720 I grew up being terrible in school having, 301 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,320 and this is no disparagement on the teachers of the world. 302 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:11,320 However, I had multiple teachers tell me and my mom 303 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,680 that I was dumb. 304 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:16,080 And so I grew up not thinking that I was worth very much, 305 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:17,760 that I was not gonna do well, 306 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:21,080 I had no aspirations to go to college. 307 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:24,960 And mainly just because the adults around me, 308 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:29,120 for the most part, didn't really see potential in me. 309 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:33,640 I was just this little girl that moved through the world 310 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,240 and just didn't really have a whole lot of potential 311 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,080 and a lot to offer because I didn't find the things 312 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,480 that fit me. 313 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:44,680 And I tried to do what a lot of us do, which is mask, 314 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:48,080 and you get really good at kind of being an actor. 315 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:53,080 And so when I was, thankfully, in my last year of high school, 316 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:59,000 I had one teacher who took an interest in my abilities 317 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,920 and really saw me for who I was and told me I was smart 318 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,360 and told my mom I was smart. 319 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,920 Well, and she was not problematic, 320 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:12,760 but just having that one teacher believe in me 321 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:16,080 actually set me up to feel like I could go to college. 322 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:21,080 So then I applied and went to the junior college. 323 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:25,480 And once I hit college, I actually started making 324 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:30,040 the Dean's List and I got grades that were pretty decent. 325 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:35,040 And that just kind of fed my inner mentality. 326 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,960 And then thankfully the first junior college that I went to, 327 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,640 I refused to take the SATs. 328 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,800 I was like, I'm a terrible test taker. 329 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,440 The last thing I need is some tests to tell me 330 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,120 that I'm stupid because my teachers have been telling me 331 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,600 that the whole time. 332 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,160 So I didn't take it. 333 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,560 So because I didn't have that exam, 334 00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:00,040 my first junior college that I went to, they said, 335 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,360 hey, well, we do need to assess what classes 336 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,960 you're gonna have to start in. 337 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,920 So they had their own test. 338 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,400 So I took their test and they came back to me and said, 339 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:15,400 hey, we've noticed that your math skills are way down here, 340 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,160 but your English comprehension skills 341 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,720 are pretty far up here. 342 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,920 And usually when we see such a separation 343 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:27,160 in the test scores of the parts, 344 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,480 usually means that there's some kind of learning 345 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,840 development disorder. 346 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,200 Do you mind if we assess you? 347 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,640 It's totally free. 348 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:37,280 I was like, what? 349 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:41,280 You actually wanna take time to figure me out? 350 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:42,680 Like, that's awesome. 351 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:47,680 So I went through the process and they blew my mind 352 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,640 and told me that I actually had a high IQ. 353 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,560 I never would have guessed that. 354 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,120 And then that I had a processing disorder, 355 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,880 which meant that I roughly work on a three 356 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,800 to five second delay. 357 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:05,640 So then once I was armed with that knowledge, 358 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:09,920 that at least in the eyes of the IQ department, 359 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,280 I was higher up there. 360 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:17,280 And that I just was not good at taking things in 361 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,240 auditorily or by reading. 362 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:24,840 I'm just a visual hands-on tactile learner. 363 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,640 That was the first brick in the wall 364 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,480 of me really figuring out like, 365 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:35,480 oh, if I actually can figure out how I tick 366 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,720 and how I can use those to my benefit, 367 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:44,200 then I can actually do more better, cooler things. 368 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,160 So again, thanks to that school, 369 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:48,560 they put me in some classes. 370 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,600 They gave me some tutoring and mentoring 371 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,920 so that I could work through this. 372 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:57,320 And then the next part of that was really just getting real 373 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,560 with myself and being honest with the people around me, 374 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:05,560 which took about 20 years to really wrap my arms around. 375 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:11,000 And so now what is my biggest asset is 376 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,600 I'm the first one to admit that I'm autistic. 377 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,400 I'm the first one to admit that I have ADHD. 378 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,240 If I fail at something, if I'm late on something, 379 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:21,680 I apologize for it. 380 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,680 I take accountability for it. 381 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:28,680 And I don't try to give people a reason to be mad at me. 382 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,960 I try to give people a reason to be compassionate 383 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,920 about what I'm working through. 384 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:41,920 So when I was 37 and I started reading about autism 385 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,600 and really truly identifying with these stories 386 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,400 that people were telling about their life 387 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:55,400 and how being autistic, how the revelation 388 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:59,720 of that they were an adult with autism was going, 389 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,840 I started learning more about it. 390 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,720 And then just working on myself to make sure 391 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,960 that I have the tools to work with 392 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:13,520 but that the people around me have the tools to work with me. 393 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,520 I don't even know if that gets a good question. 394 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,960 So it sounds like you're a little bit... 395 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,280 No, I think that that was perfect. 396 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,960 Because that really does, I think, 397 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,040 set the stage for really the rest of the conversation. 398 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,480 Because it sounds like a lot of that at the very beginning 399 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:33,920 was, I think compassion really is what was missing 400 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,400 throughout those first few years. 401 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,080 Like if you're not living up to their standards 402 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,080 or you're not processing things as quickly 403 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,040 or doing things per the status quo, 404 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,240 you are not normal. 405 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,840 Therefore, you are lesser or dumb. 406 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,600 Or they ascribe these other labels to you. 407 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,560 And I think that's so interesting. 408 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,440 That by this standard, sure, 409 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:01,600 I may not be doing too hot, right? 410 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,320 But is that the best standard to be judging me by? 411 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,040 Probably not. 412 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,040 And I think that's so interesting. 413 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,640 Just the, as soon as somebody kind of said 414 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:17,440 what was really going on, then you thrived. 415 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:18,480 Then you were able to say, 416 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:22,280 oh, there's this other rubric that I could be graded on. 417 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,520 So what did that create for you 418 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:29,480 as you were told something different than you had been? 419 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,760 Permission. 420 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,880 It gave me permission to be myself 421 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:40,360 and to do things the way that they made sense to me 422 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:44,160 with the understanding that my process 423 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,480 might not make sense to somebody else. 424 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:51,960 So, and it's actually really funny in that 425 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:56,960 I have a team member and we joke all the time 426 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:00,720 because we will have a project 427 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,120 and I will tell her my thought process 428 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,160 on how the project should happen. 429 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,200 And to me, it's super logical. 430 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,560 I'm like, bing, bing, bing. 431 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,440 And she will look at me and be like, wow. 432 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,760 Like I literally think the opposite. 433 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:19,360 Like what makes sense to me is this, this, this. 434 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,600 And so we always, so then we have this moment 435 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,440 where we get to giggle and laugh together 436 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:27,040 and be like, wow, we are wildly different. 437 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,480 But at the end of the day, we both do good work 438 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,120 and the project would come out awesome 439 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:33,600 regardless of who's doing it. 440 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,320 And we just acknowledge that we just do things 441 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:37,400 in different ways. 442 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,040 So when you come up to that kind of crossroads where, 443 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:47,040 you see it way A and they see it way five, right? 444 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,520 Not even on the same scale, but very different. 445 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,040 Where does, is it kind of like, well, 446 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:54,040 this works best for me. 447 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,480 So this is how we have to do it 448 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,320 or is there a collaboration or how do you kind of 449 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,120 figure that out? 450 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,920 So that is the self work. 451 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,880 So this is the part that took 20 years. 452 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,080 So as a part of the autistic side of me, 453 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,760 I am very prone to black and white thinking. 454 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,200 Things are right or they are wrong. 455 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,920 Gray area is like, why does that even exist? 456 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,200 That is stupid. 457 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,240 And so I really had to work on myself 458 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:28,240 to change my default mindset 459 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,960 that things are either right or wrong. 460 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,800 I'm also very justice oriented. 461 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,080 So, you know, I really could have been 462 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,440 just like a police officer or something because, 463 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,120 oh, speeding ticket, you know, like, oh. 464 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:44,600 And so, so I really had to work and understand 465 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,480 that life is shades of gray. 466 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,960 There are very few things that are truly black and white. 467 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,880 And even in then there's still shades of gray. 468 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:58,880 So I had to work to make sure that when people 469 00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:02,440 come to me with different ways, 470 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:06,840 if I truly think that the way that they're gonna do it 471 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,280 is still gonna produce a good result, 472 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,480 then I just need to shut up. 473 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,320 Like just let it go. 474 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,480 Now, however, I am also a perfectionist 475 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,040 and I also have a really hard time letting things go 476 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:25,120 and not allowing them to be anything less than perfect. 477 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:28,240 So that is something I am still working on 478 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,480 on the daily basis. 479 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:34,320 But I've also learned that I, 480 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,440 if somebody is telling me their process 481 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:37,280 and what they're gonna do, 482 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,520 and I really do find a flaw in it, 483 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:45,400 one of my superpowers is being able to see a process 484 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:49,160 in my mind and really be able to identify 485 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,560 where it's gonna work well and where it might go off the rails. 486 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,960 I'm very good at predicting. 487 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,200 One thing is something is gonna go sideways. 488 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:03,480 So if I do feel like something's gonna be not as good, 489 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,080 I will say it. 490 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:06,600 But I will make sure that I try to say it 491 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,640 in the nicest possible way, like collaborative, 492 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,960 like, okay, totally, totally love an A, B and C. 493 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,720 C, I'm just, have you thought about this? 494 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,120 Have you, this is a potential, 495 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:21,760 like do you have something to offset that? 496 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,960 And so I just try to be as nice as possible about it. 497 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,720 But acknowledging that in my head, 498 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,000 there is a huge alarm that's going off. 499 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,560 That's like warning, warning, 500 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:35,120 this might not be the best possible. 501 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:39,160 And I just have to fold it in 502 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:44,160 and just try not to be an overly critical person 503 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:51,360 that I am on the inside and not be that person on the outside 504 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:53,920 because who the heck wants to work for 505 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:57,080 or be around somebody that's always nagging them. 506 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,200 I don't like to be nagged, 507 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,880 so I shouldn't be the nagged person. 508 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,760 Yeah, and I think that's so interesting 509 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,160 that that is that level of self-awareness, 510 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:10,240 that this is something that doesn't work in, 511 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,480 I don't want to say in the real world, 512 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,360 I don't know how else to say it, 513 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:16,240 that this, the default setting 514 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,000 doesn't give you the results that you want. 515 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,600 Therefore, it's kind of like, great, 516 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,480 how do I still use my skills? 517 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,280 Not, because you said in the very beginning 518 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,440 that you kind of have to mask and change and be different, 519 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:29,440 almost a different person, 520 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:33,120 but it's like using those skills or that, 521 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:38,040 I guess, using that default setting differently 522 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,160 to produce what you want to create. 523 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,640 Yes, and that really came from 524 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:52,600 the ability to assess how I am being perceived in the world 525 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:56,520 was actually something that came to me in my early 30s. 526 00:25:56,520 --> 00:26:01,520 I had met a gal who I just loved 527 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:08,360 how she walked into a room and lit it up 528 00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:11,800 and everybody loved talking to her. 529 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:16,800 And I found that to be such an admirable way to be, 530 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:22,040 she was always, even though I knew that she had depression 531 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,440 and internal struggles, 532 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:27,640 and I knew what her internal daily dialogue was 533 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,640 and the things that she was working through 534 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,720 and she had done a lot of work on herself. 535 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,120 She truly was a happy person 536 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,640 and people loved being around her. 537 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,280 And at that time in my life, 538 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:44,240 I was having a hard time keeping friendships. 539 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:47,600 I was in a relationship that was very toxic 540 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:52,840 and I was not the person that walked into a room 541 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,280 and lit it up. 542 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,520 So when I was able to identify that, 543 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:02,520 I really, really wish that I was much more like Kimberly. 544 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,600 Then one of my, again, kind of like autistic superpowers 545 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,840 which many may identify with, 546 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:16,840 which is falling in love with a subject or a project, 547 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,880 and you just dive in and it becomes all-encompassing. 548 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:25,880 So studying how Kimberly behaved and acted 549 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,640 and interacted with other people 550 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,920 and the questions that she asked people to get them 551 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,760 to open up an engaging conversation 552 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:39,760 and how she smiled and how she just became 553 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:43,280 my special interest for like a good month or so. 554 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:48,280 And I just watched her and I worked on myself 555 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:52,280 to try to behave more like Kimberly, 556 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:56,280 but in a way where not that I was like faking it 557 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,280 but that I truly believed it. 558 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:03,800 Because if you're not authentic, people pick up on that, right? 559 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,680 The average person is fairly intuitive, I think. 560 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,800 And so they can tell when you're kind of, 561 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,640 you know, trying to pull one over on them. 562 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,840 So it wasn't like I could just slap a smile on, 563 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,800 walk into a room and I was like, 564 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,800 I'm gonna go and get a smile and assume 565 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,280 that people are gonna gravitate to that. 566 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:28,280 But what I could do was make sure and be present and aware 567 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,040 if I was smiling or scowling, 568 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:36,040 because my base face is definitely not like, 569 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,800 it's just like, hmm. 570 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:42,040 And so, so making sure that I grew up mild 571 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,600 when I was out in public and things like that. 572 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:49,600 Really working on myself to be interested 573 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,440 in what other people had to say. 574 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:56,560 That was the real key takeaway of my time, 575 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,480 kind of looking at Kimberly as a special interest. 576 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,560 Just she got into conversations with people 577 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,600 and when they told her that they, 578 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,120 you know, in time of the season, let's just say, 579 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,320 when she told, when they told her 580 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,520 that they spent the weekend with their kids 581 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,920 going to pick out their Christmas trees, 582 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:17,640 she was so excited to hear about their journey 583 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:21,600 on picking a Christmas tree and how much joy it brought them. 584 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:25,960 And she allowed that story to bring her joy. 585 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,720 So I learned how to do that. 586 00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:32,440 I learned how to find my own joy 587 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,240 by listening to other people's joy 588 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,680 and allowing their joy to wash over me 589 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:43,680 and be genuinely ecstatic that they had a good time 590 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,160 and to think outside of myself. 591 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:52,160 And I have a picture, a meme that I keep on my phone 592 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:55,960 that I look at fairly often 593 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,840 or it's always kind of in the back of my head. 594 00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,480 And it's about how you rub off on other people. 595 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:05,120 So it's just a single picture of a bunch of people 596 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,200 and they're all kind of like gray. 597 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:11,000 And this one person is a little shiny yellow person. 598 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:16,000 And it acknowledges that as they move through this world 599 00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,960 of gray, their yellow light shines 600 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,480 and rubs off on the people around them. 601 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:27,560 So I try to do my best to understand that 602 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,280 as I move through the world, 603 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,360 I rub off on other people 604 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,360 and I allow other people to rub off on me. 605 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,640 And hopefully by the end of the interaction, 606 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,920 we're both walking away, smiling and laughing and giggling 607 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,880 and really just enjoying one another. 608 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,760 But I've had to work really hard. 609 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:52,760 And one thing that I take a lot of pride in 610 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,120 is that people who meet me now 611 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,720 can't imagine the person that I was before. 612 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:03,160 Like they, when I tell them that I was really, really negative, 613 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:06,440 I lived in a depressive state. 614 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:08,280 I was very quiet. 615 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,200 I didn't talk a lot. 616 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,760 I definitely didn't smile a lot. 617 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,000 I didn't laugh a lot. 618 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,240 When I say those things, 619 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,880 their reaction is if they just can't imagine 620 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,040 that that's who and how I was. 621 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:24,800 So that gives me a lot of happiness 622 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,880 that I've been able to come this far. 623 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,880 Yeah, I was gonna say that that meme, I feel, 624 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,880 does describe you perfectly. 625 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:37,160 The way that I see you and I was gonna say that work well done 626 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,320 because again, like you were just saying, 627 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:40,320 man, I couldn't imagine. 628 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:41,720 That's what I was gonna basically say 629 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,920 right before you started talking about that part. 630 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:49,440 The thing that's coming up for me right now is 631 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,720 a lot of times people kind of view themselves, 632 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,320 oh, I wish I was this, I wish I was that. 633 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,000 And that's something that I kind of struggled with in college 634 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,040 was I'm terrified to talk to people or, 635 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,880 man, I wish that I was more attractive or this. 636 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,120 That was when I was in my early 20s 637 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,440 and that's what you focus on, right? 638 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:13,280 And something that I felt like I was doing at times 639 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:17,280 was wearing that mask pretending to be something I'm not, 640 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,560 which I think people kind of like the same thing. 641 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,040 They say, oh, Ranger, so authentically you. 642 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:27,040 And I guess where this kind of ties into your story 643 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,200 is you said that before that you felt like you were wearing 644 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,880 a mask or you're trying to be something you're not. 645 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:35,200 And then Kimberly comes along and you're like, 646 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:40,200 man, I wish I was her, which was something that you were not. 647 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:45,680 So I guess, what's the difference between wearing a mask 648 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,720 and changing who you are? 649 00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:52,000 What is that difference for you? 650 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:58,160 How I internalize it on the inside. 651 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,760 So when I was wearing a mask, 652 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,680 and let's just acknowledge that the mask I was wearing 653 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:05,680 before that was not a good mask. 654 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:07,000 It was not a happy mask. 655 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,680 People would not accuse me of being a happy person. 656 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:15,760 It was just a, I need to get out of bed and go to work 657 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:20,560 and try to live a life and I gotta pay bills 658 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:22,000 and I gotta do all these things. 659 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:26,000 So the mask was actually just existing 660 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,800 in the most minimal level possible. 661 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:35,000 And just really trying to stay vertical 662 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:40,560 and pretending that I am in some way a human being. 663 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,280 So it wasn't a good mask. 664 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:47,280 And when I met Kimberly and she and I would talk 665 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:49,720 and she would tell me how she was working 666 00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,440 through all these different things. 667 00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,800 It again, was kind of one of those times in my life 668 00:33:55,800 --> 00:34:00,560 where I was given through somebody else's story, 669 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:05,560 I received internal permission that I can change. 670 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:09,440 I can be the person that I wanna be. 671 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:14,440 I can smile and listen to somebody's story 672 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:21,000 and not just let it go in one side and out the other. 673 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,800 I can try to internalize it and be empathetic. 674 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,600 Empathy is something that did not come to me naturally. 675 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:35,000 I really learned that in my late 30s, early 40s. 676 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,960 I used to feel like I was very robotic 677 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,080 and I actually had a conversation with my mom 678 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:45,800 when I realized maybe when I was 38 or so, 679 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:47,320 I was really just kind of in the beginning 680 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:48,760 of acknowledging and understanding 681 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,920 like the autistic side of me. 682 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,240 And I said, and I was telling my mom, 683 00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:56,320 mom, I think I'm a little bit defective 684 00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,920 in that I don't miss people. 685 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,200 I don't, which is also an ADHD trait, 686 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,040 but I hadn't learned about ADHD 687 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:05,480 and I hadn't figured that out yet. 688 00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:09,600 That is only about two years into this journey. 689 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:11,880 But I was like, I don't miss people. 690 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:13,800 I just, I know where they are. 691 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,640 I know when I'm gonna see them again, 692 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,280 my heart doesn't ache for people. 693 00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,200 I hear people say that they miss their mom 694 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,520 and miss their dad and all of these things 695 00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,520 and I just don't have that. 696 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:27,080 I don't feel it. 697 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:31,600 And I hadn't had a situation in my life 698 00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:36,120 that turned my empathy button into on. 699 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,040 And then, so then once I really started learning 700 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,280 about empathy and I have started on this journey 701 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,640 of listening to people's stories 702 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:48,640 and letting their stories really wash over me slowly, 703 00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:52,640 but surely I started to gain empathy 704 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:56,560 and being able to put myself in other people's shoes 705 00:35:56,560 --> 00:36:00,280 and really be excited for other people. 706 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:04,880 And over time, I've been able to really become 707 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,680 an empathetic, compassionate person. 708 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,040 And now I cry at everything. 709 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:13,320 It's a pro and a con, this empathy thing. 710 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:16,880 Cause some days it really makes it hard 711 00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:19,480 to really get anything done 712 00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:24,200 because I am now so affected by the people around me. 713 00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,880 When the people around me are happy, everything's awesome. 714 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:28,880 But when somebody around me is having a hard time 715 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,080 and is sad, I want to drop everything 716 00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:32,480 and help them get through it. 717 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:37,840 So, but that was again, something that I had to learn about 718 00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:39,560 and hear other people work through it 719 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,640 and then try to take the lessons from what they had done 720 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,320 and apply it to myself. 721 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:46,840 And I think what's coming up for me 722 00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:51,040 as you're talking about empathy is when I think of empathy, 723 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:52,800 I do kind of feel like that is something 724 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,120 that you're born with. 725 00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:55,600 It's one of these character traits. 726 00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:57,680 Some people have it, some people don't. 727 00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:00,040 Some people are really good at it, others are not. 728 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,480 But what I'm kind of hearing from you 729 00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,880 is that a lot of these character traits, 730 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:05,480 they're more so skills. 731 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:09,480 Like you can learn how to do it and how to, 732 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:12,960 how to have that as part of your personality 733 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:16,400 or something you can feel almost. 734 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,640 Yeah, I think that's so interesting. 735 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,600 Well, and, you know, credit to Reddit. 736 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:25,800 I'm a huge Reddit fan. 737 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:26,640 I love Reddit. 738 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:27,800 I love the subreddits. 739 00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:31,760 I've learned so much by the people's stories on Reddit. 740 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:37,240 And so when I started to realize that I had a lot 741 00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:41,160 of ADHD traits on top of the autistic ones 742 00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,720 and they do tend to go a little bit hand in hand, 743 00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:50,240 I had a realization that, 744 00:37:50,240 --> 00:37:54,280 and somebody had mentioned this in a Reddit comment, 745 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:59,280 that people with autism and ADHD 746 00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:03,080 have a hard time relating to something 747 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,760 until they've experienced it themselves. 748 00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:10,760 So let's just say empathy was really, really difficult for me. 749 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,320 And then I had somebody close to me 750 00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,440 for the first time pass away. 751 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:19,560 So I was truly, genuinely devastated 752 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,120 by this person's passing. 753 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:22,800 I had never had that before. 754 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:26,120 I was well into my 30s when that happened. 755 00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:31,120 And that, so then that triggered a little bit of empathy, 756 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:34,640 of the empathy button, 757 00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:39,040 because I now had something to relate it to. 758 00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:42,280 So once that was pointed out to me 759 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,840 that I have a hard time relating with things 760 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,560 until I experienced them myself, 761 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,040 then I had a mission to go out 762 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,720 and experience other things 763 00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:55,760 so that I could turn them on, 764 00:38:55,760 --> 00:39:00,760 so that I could give my brain the understanding 765 00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,600 that this, of this skill or thing that I'm looking for. 766 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:07,160 So for me, a lot of it is empathy and compassion 767 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:08,400 and flexibility. 768 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:13,400 Flexibility is not something that I am innately prone to, 769 00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:18,600 but I have, again, worked to be able to be like, 770 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,480 oh no, that's okay. 771 00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,160 There's other ways that, you know, 772 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:23,920 there's another time, there's another this, 773 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,000 there's another that. 774 00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,360 And I get compliments all the time where people are like, 775 00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,040 oh, you're so easy to work with, you're so flexible. 776 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:33,360 Only in my mind, I'm like, oh my goodness. 777 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,440 But just, yeah, so just, 778 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,120 and that was through experiences, right? 779 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,920 So allowing myself to go through experiences, 780 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,840 allow something to come up 781 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:49,440 that would normally send me into a tailspin, 782 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,840 but take that moment and be like, 783 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:56,840 but Joe652 on Reddit said that if he just waited 37 seconds 784 00:39:58,240 --> 00:40:02,240 and let that uncomfortableness wash over him, 785 00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:04,720 and then he could kind of get through the other side 786 00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,440 and be like, well, quite honestly, 787 00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,480 this is not the end of the world. 788 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:10,520 Let's not create a big deal about this 789 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:12,480 and let's just be flexible. 790 00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:13,720 And then we could, you know, 791 00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:15,920 and so then once I started doing that, 792 00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:19,160 then it became completely ingrained and innate in me. 793 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:22,440 So now I'll still have every once in a while, 794 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,640 you know, when something starts to change 795 00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:28,720 and I'm not quite ready for it, you know, 796 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:33,280 I have to pause and I've gotten really good at pausing 797 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:35,840 and just take that moment 798 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:39,280 and let myself just internally deal with the freak out, 799 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:42,040 but then like be okay letting it go. 800 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:44,000 But you gotta experience it. 801 00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:48,200 You gotta allow yourself to have that time to get through it 802 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:51,480 and figure out what tools work for you. 803 00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:54,760 So for me, it's a pause 804 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:58,040 and just allowing myself to have, you know, 805 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:02,440 30 seconds to let my brain go, 806 00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,160 and then come back to it 807 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:09,080 and conditioning the people around me 808 00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:10,880 that I'm allowed to pause. 809 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:14,360 So I try to let everybody know that I work with 810 00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:15,440 or that I live with 811 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:18,360 or that I deal with on a constant basis. 812 00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:22,920 Hey, just so you know, there's a squirrel in here 813 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:26,800 and this squirrel is on the fastest treadmill possible 814 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,680 and is going, going, going, going, 815 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:32,360 and sometimes doesn't quite understand what's happening 816 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:33,440 and needs to take a moment. 817 00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,720 So if we're ever in a conversation 818 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:37,120 or things are kind of happening 819 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,800 and you kind of see me like freeze for a couple of seconds, 820 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,160 just let me have that. 821 00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,880 And then I guarantee you, 822 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,640 I'm going to come out of that freeze 823 00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:49,000 and I am going to be ready to go. 824 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,120 I've gotten through it, I've moved on, 825 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:54,280 but I really need you to let me have that moment. 826 00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:56,440 And as long as I'm honest with people 827 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,800 and let them know that that's my process, 828 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,240 that's what works for me, it's tried and true, 829 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:05,040 people give me that space. 830 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:08,680 And then I also try to let people know ahead of time 831 00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,320 what I think is going to trigger me. 832 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,160 So I run a lot of events 833 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,840 and events are very prone to going sideways. 834 00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:17,440 And so I try to tell people like, 835 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,800 hey, you know, if I'm working on this thing 836 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,520 and you come at me from the side, 837 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:26,840 that tends to overwhelm me and set me off. 838 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:28,640 And I get a little bit snappy 839 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,680 because my mind is trying to figure out 840 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,560 what thing I'm supposed to focus on 841 00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:36,040 and it's gotten overwhelmed and it's gotten overstimulated. 842 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:38,840 And so I am going to short circuit 843 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,680 and potentially I'm going to get 844 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:42,960 a little snippy snappy with you. 845 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,000 Please don't take it personally. 846 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,880 Please know that that is just something 847 00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:49,720 that is going to innately come out. 848 00:42:49,720 --> 00:42:53,840 I don't mean it and I will always apologize after. 849 00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,480 But I try to warn people ahead of time 850 00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,440 so that when they see that side of me 851 00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,000 that is not my level best, 852 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,080 that they know that it's not personal 853 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,200 and I'm really working through something. 854 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,520 Yeah, I think there's so many good things there. 855 00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,680 I'm going to try to consolidate it a little bit 856 00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:15,560 because I think that the examples that you're sharing 857 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:19,280 are so specific and not just know yourself 858 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,480 and read things on the internet. 859 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,480 It's here are these specific examples. 860 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,480 Again, the difference between the mask 861 00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:30,000 and I guess almost changing who you are. 862 00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:34,040 There's a guy on YouTube called Zephrank. 863 00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:35,880 Have you ever heard of him? 864 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:37,320 I have not. 865 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,080 Okay, I'll probably send you one of his videos. 866 00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,040 He does the true facts videos, 867 00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:43,680 the true facts about the armadillo 868 00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,280 and he says silly things. 869 00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:46,720 He used to have these actual, 870 00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:48,880 I don't want to say actual serious videos. 871 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,760 But one of them was like this kid was growing up 872 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:53,960 and he's 18 and he's like, 873 00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:55,960 how do I know I'm going to be the type of person 874 00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:57,600 that I want to be? 875 00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:01,200 And it's like, man, what a hard question. 876 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,920 Be yourself, that's the advice that a lot of people give. 877 00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:08,080 But how do I know if the person I want to be 878 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:10,840 is who I really want to be being? 879 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,000 How do you know that's really me or not really me? 880 00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:17,440 And it sounds like it's that internal drive 881 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:22,440 to connect with other people and understand others. 882 00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:25,720 And I think that genuine curiosity came up for you also 883 00:44:25,720 --> 00:44:30,200 with how to work with people in those environments. 884 00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:33,440 The Reddit aspect of, 885 00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:35,400 I think this is something that comes up a lot with you, 886 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,760 is permission. 887 00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,520 It sounds like a lot of external, 888 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:43,720 or like a lot of other people almost had to, 889 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,520 I don't want to say they gave you permission, 890 00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:52,360 but they showed you that it was an option. 891 00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,880 Right, is that how you would see it or? 892 00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:02,680 Yes, and how, to me, how that works out 893 00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:06,120 is giving me permission to do something 894 00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:11,120 is because when you, and this is very common, 895 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,960 I'm sure it's common with everybody, 896 00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:16,760 but I do read about it a lot in respect to girls. 897 00:45:17,720 --> 00:45:22,720 Girls tend to be conditioned from a very early age 898 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,760 that you've got to fit a box, right? 899 00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:30,760 You're supposed to be pleasant for people to be around. 900 00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:34,880 You're supposed to learn how to cook, 901 00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:36,320 you're supposed to learn how to clean, 902 00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:39,480 you're the one that does this, you're the one that does that. 903 00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:44,480 There's society things that people are kind of put in a box. 904 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:49,080 And then when you don't innately fit in that box, 905 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:52,640 and that box is the most uncomfortable place 906 00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,120 you could possibly imagine being, 907 00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:59,880 but society has told you that that box is normal, 908 00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:04,880 and you're just really trying to fit in that. 909 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,960 It's, and you've done it for 37 years, 910 00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:15,120 you are conditioned into this space 911 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:20,600 that is not really permissive. 912 00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:25,600 And so when you, or when I read stories 913 00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:28,440 that I could then identify with, 914 00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,040 or I met Kimberly and saw all these aspects of her 915 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:33,800 that I really liked, 916 00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:39,480 and she really fulfilled the thing that I was saying, 917 00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,320 like, I wish I was more a positive person, 918 00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:45,360 I wish I was more giggly, I wish people wanted 919 00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:46,480 to be around me. 920 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:52,960 Seeing that and hearing those stories, it just, it does, 921 00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,760 it just gives you permission, or gives me permission 922 00:46:55,760 --> 00:47:00,160 to live outside of that box, and quite honestly, 923 00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,720 crush the box, stomp on the box, forget the box, 924 00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:07,120 or the box in the recycle bin, like a good human, 925 00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:10,320 and let it go to wherever recycling goes. 926 00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:14,000 That box no longer exists in my world. 927 00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:20,560 I now live in a clear bubble of positivity 928 00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:23,320 and trying to do the best I can do, 929 00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:27,440 and I am completely encircled in beautiful, 930 00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:31,400 round, glowing light, and I would love to kick 931 00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:32,800 all boxes to the curb. 932 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:37,280 Get rid of every single box, I don't care what they look like, 933 00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,600 I don't care what they are, just get rid of them. 934 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,440 And it sounds like also just like build your own, 935 00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:44,920 your own shape, your own object, right? 936 00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:48,120 Like, you have that agency to do so. 937 00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:52,000 And we hear this a lot in TV shows and movies 938 00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,920 when they talk about diversity and making sure 939 00:47:55,920 --> 00:48:00,360 that people of all types of races, ethnicities, 940 00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:05,360 sexualities, you know, are represented on TV, 941 00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:10,760 that's what I needed to allow myself to be my authentic self 942 00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:15,840 and to really see that that was something that was okay. 943 00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:19,160 I had to see that represented out in the world. 944 00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:22,760 And I think as time goes on, and we're definitely 945 00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,640 in this beautiful beginning, I think golden age 946 00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:30,640 of neuro spicy people being allowed to exist 947 00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,760 in the way that is comfortable for them. 948 00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:38,480 And acknowledging that everybody is just different 949 00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:41,520 and in our differences, we are beautiful and gorgeous. 950 00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:45,120 I think we're just gonna continue 951 00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:48,200 to see wonderful societal changes 952 00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:53,200 as people like me see other people like me in the world 953 00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:57,840 succeeding, living their authentic lives 954 00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:02,840 and allowing us to come out and be what we wanna be. 955 00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:06,040 Yeah, I love that. 956 00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,680 And I think that as a straight white guy, 957 00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,600 I'm represented everywhere, right? 958 00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:15,640 I have all these different, every hero, right? 959 00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:17,760 Is a white guy for the most part. 960 00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:19,240 All the famous ones. 961 00:49:19,240 --> 00:49:21,320 So that's something that I haven't realized 962 00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:23,800 until my siblings kind of get attracted 963 00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:26,960 to different people, because my little brother, 964 00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:30,960 he's my half brother, so he's more Mexican than I am. 965 00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:32,120 So he's darker. 966 00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:34,440 I think that representation of like Miles Morales 967 00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,160 or these other characters, that's such a huge thing. 968 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,240 And as I'm meeting new people on the walk 969 00:49:39,240 --> 00:49:42,320 and just getting to know people more intimately, 970 00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:45,680 that's what I've noticed how important representation is. 971 00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,720 So when they change characters, it's always this huge uproar 972 00:49:48,720 --> 00:49:50,040 of well, that's so whatever, whatever. 973 00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:52,040 Then you see these little kids, 974 00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,000 like they have a character that looks like them 975 00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:55,840 and that's so cool, right? 976 00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:58,440 So I think that that is such an interesting, 977 00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:02,600 it reminds me of that saying that people need to be reminded 978 00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:04,480 more than they need to be taught. 979 00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,800 And I think that having that as a reminder for myself 980 00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,600 and for others is so valuable. 981 00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,520 There is another person that, 982 00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:13,960 have you ever heard of Temple Grandin? 983 00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:14,800 Oh yeah. 984 00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:16,160 Yeah, okay, I was gonna say, 985 00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:20,720 I feel like she is the autistic person in media. 986 00:50:20,720 --> 00:50:22,320 Would you kind of say that also 987 00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:25,080 or do you think it's kind of different now? 988 00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:26,720 I would say one of the originals. 989 00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:29,600 I think there's a lot of people these days, 990 00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:34,680 especially as adults who are being diagnosed 991 00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:38,840 and brought into the awareness of autistic and ADHD traits, 992 00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:41,960 but she was definitely the trailblazer 993 00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:44,880 in showing that autistic people, 994 00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,920 wherever they lie on the spectrum, 995 00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:51,280 have a beautiful space in this world. 996 00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:52,120 Yeah, I love that. 997 00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:54,920 She's on my list of dream guests for the podcast. 998 00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:57,720 So anybody listening knows Temple, let me know. 999 00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:01,560 I heard a thing actually recently that 1000 00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:03,480 she was pretty upset because a lot of people 1001 00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:04,880 don't really know who she is 1002 00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,560 or they're not in her classes now, 1003 00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:11,000 but they don't realize who she is almost. 1004 00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:15,120 I think that might be making her sound more full of herself 1005 00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:16,400 than she actually is, 1006 00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,000 but I think that's something that's so interesting 1007 00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:21,040 because I would fangirl over Temple for sure. 1008 00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:27,240 Yeah, and I think if I was gonna make an assumption 1009 00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:30,200 that might have a little bit more to do with people 1010 00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:35,200 not understanding what she had to go through 1011 00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:39,120 so publicly to be who she is, right? 1012 00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:42,760 So it's like, yes, she's this amazing person 1013 00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:44,960 who because her special interests, 1014 00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:50,080 I think revolved around animals and all of that stuff 1015 00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:53,800 that, but to be an autistic person 1016 00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:58,400 to make a difference in that space was such an uphill climb. 1017 00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:03,320 I could imagine that it would be a little bit frustrating, 1018 00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:06,080 especially people taking your class or whatever 1019 00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:09,160 to not come into it with acknowledgement 1020 00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:12,960 that it was such an uphill climb. 1021 00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:14,240 Yeah, thank you for putting that 1022 00:52:14,240 --> 00:52:15,840 into such better words than I could. 1023 00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:17,440 I think that's so interesting. 1024 00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:19,560 Just like, yeah, again, that representation, 1025 00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:24,360 making that decision to be who you really wanna be, right? 1026 00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:27,840 I think that is another interesting thing. 1027 00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:31,880 Another thing that I've noticed that in our conversation 1028 00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:33,840 and what I've noticed talking to people 1029 00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:37,320 that aren't, you know, neuro spicy as you put it, 1030 00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:41,680 being able to identify their triggers 1031 00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:44,480 and communicate that with those around them. 1032 00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:45,600 I feel like a lot of times it's, 1033 00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:48,040 oh, you can't say that around mom or, 1034 00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:49,920 oh, don't do this in front of grandpa, 1035 00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:51,200 otherwise he's gonna get mad. 1036 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:54,200 And I feel like being able to identify, 1037 00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:58,080 hey, this is a stressful environment, this might happen. 1038 00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:00,280 If it does, I am sorry. 1039 00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:02,560 That's not just neuro spicy. 1040 00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:04,000 I feel like that's such a thing that everybody 1041 00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:07,240 kinda deals with, but a lot of people don't acknowledge. 1042 00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:10,200 And then after the fact, don't acknowledge. 1043 00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:16,040 Yeah, I, with 100% certainty, 1044 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:20,160 my life in the last five years 1045 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:26,200 has gotten exponentially better, happier, more productive. 1046 00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:31,200 When I started being honest with the people around me. 1047 00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:34,400 So another thing that I tend to run into 1048 00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:39,400 is I'm very like in my head, over analyzing, overthinking. 1049 00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,360 You know, I'm one of those people 1050 00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:44,040 that can recall a conversation from fifth grade 1051 00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:46,640 where I think maybe this person might still be mad at me, 1052 00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:49,040 but they don't even remember that I exist. 1053 00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,280 And I can overthink these things, 1054 00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:56,360 but I keep it all up here. 1055 00:53:56,360 --> 00:54:00,360 One of my mom's favorite kind of anecdotes 1056 00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,360 from when I was growing up, 1057 00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:03,960 that she'll tell everybody was, 1058 00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:07,600 oh no, Christylin and I, we always got along. 1059 00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:11,600 We never got in a fight, which is true. 1060 00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:14,680 In my entire 18 years of living at home, 1061 00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:19,680 my mom and I never got in a single argument. 1062 00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:23,680 That she knew of because when she did something 1063 00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,320 that I didn't like or she was punishing me 1064 00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:28,880 for something that I did or whatever it was, 1065 00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:32,080 our argument happened in my head 1066 00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:35,520 because I could not handle 1067 00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:42,520 feeling like my feelings were any type of a burden 1068 00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:45,920 or awkwardness to somebody else. 1069 00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:49,720 So it wasn't until I was an adult that I was like, 1070 00:54:49,720 --> 00:54:53,920 no mom, I yelled at you all the time, just in here. 1071 00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:59,920 And so although that makes for a kind of peaceful household, 1072 00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:04,120 it did not make for a very genuine household. 1073 00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:09,120 And so now I've learned the art of expressing my feelings 1074 00:55:10,720 --> 00:55:13,120 and like when I'm having a hard day, 1075 00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:18,120 I text my boyfriend before I get home, hey, bubba. 1076 00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:20,000 Okay, so I've had a really rough one. 1077 00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,520 I'm feeling very overwhelmed. 1078 00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:26,720 And so I just want to let you know because when I get home 1079 00:55:26,720 --> 00:55:30,320 and if I'm a little reserved or quiet, it's not you. 1080 00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:32,120 You've not done anything. 1081 00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:33,120 I'm not mad at you. 1082 00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:34,720 I'm not mad at the world. 1083 00:55:34,720 --> 00:55:36,320 I'm just very much in my head 1084 00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:39,720 and I just want you to know that before you see me. 1085 00:55:39,720 --> 00:55:44,720 And so that gives him the heads up 1086 00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:47,720 that when I get home, I'm gonna be really sensitive. 1087 00:55:47,720 --> 00:55:50,440 So I need him to handle dinner. 1088 00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:52,560 Please don't ask me any questions. 1089 00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:56,120 Let me pick a show to zone out on. 1090 00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:59,160 And he just happily takes that ride with me 1091 00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:01,240 because I've given him the heads up 1092 00:56:01,240 --> 00:56:02,840 that that's what's gonna happen. 1093 00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:06,080 So then he doesn't get all in his head 1094 00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:09,520 about what he possibly might have done to make me mad 1095 00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:11,000 or anything like that. 1096 00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:14,600 So once I started being honest with the people around me 1097 00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:17,080 about what I was actually feeling 1098 00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:21,000 and not trying to save their feelings 1099 00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:24,760 or not be a burden on them, 1100 00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:26,400 they were able to have compassion 1101 00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:27,560 for what I was going through. 1102 00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,880 Let me go through it, help me get through it. 1103 00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:34,880 And what used to emotionally take me out for days 1104 00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:36,880 and weeks at a time, 1105 00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:41,560 I can now get over in 15 minutes to three hours 1106 00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:44,000 because I give myself the space 1107 00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:49,000 and I lovingly make the people around me give me the space. 1108 00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:54,240 What came up for me when you were saying all of that 1109 00:56:54,240 --> 00:56:57,440 is the what people that care don't matter 1110 00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,240 but the people that matter don't care 1111 00:56:59,240 --> 00:57:01,880 or if they truly care about you 1112 00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:03,200 and they are in partnership 1113 00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:05,640 or a relationship with you in some way, 1114 00:57:05,640 --> 00:57:07,080 they also want what's best for you. 1115 00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:08,480 And I think it's so surprising 1116 00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:11,760 how we come up with these stories of ourselves 1117 00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:13,160 of how we're gonna be a burden 1118 00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:15,800 or how we're gonna just piss off this other person. 1119 00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:17,520 Just by asking permission and just saying, 1120 00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,840 hey, this is what I'm experiencing. 1121 00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:22,000 They're like, dude, me too. 1122 00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:24,880 Or I totally understand and give you that space 1123 00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:25,720 and that opportunity. 1124 00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:28,280 So it sounds just, it's on that part of you, 1125 00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:30,600 I think that acknowledgement of you being able to say 1126 00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:33,440 this is what I'm experiencing, this is what's going on, 1127 00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:35,680 comma, but it's also the people around you 1128 00:57:35,680 --> 00:57:36,960 are so much more understanding 1129 00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:40,960 than sometimes we are led to believe, right? 1130 00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:46,720 And my favorite word apparently for today is permission. 1131 00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:49,080 It also gives them permission to then tell you 1132 00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:50,680 when they're going through it. 1133 00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:54,560 So my boyfriend and I's relationship 1134 00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:57,200 is so awesome and solid 1135 00:57:57,200 --> 00:58:00,840 because just like I text him when I'm having a weird day, 1136 00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:03,120 he'll text me when he's having a weird day. 1137 00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:05,960 So now when I get home and he's reserved 1138 00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:10,960 or he's become one with World of Warcraft or whatever, 1139 00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:14,840 like I know what he's going through 1140 00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:18,840 because he's let me know because we've given ourselves 1141 00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:24,240 the ability to talk to each other in that way. 1142 00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:29,240 And same, like my teammate is going through something 1143 00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:31,600 and she needs to take a day off 1144 00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:34,680 or have a mental health day or do this or do that. 1145 00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:39,280 Like I've set the stage that she can tell me anything 1146 00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:40,680 and I'm going to be understanding 1147 00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:42,840 and I'm going to be her first advocate 1148 00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:44,960 to make sure that she gets what she needs. 1149 00:58:45,960 --> 00:58:47,160 I love that so much. 1150 00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:49,080 And I feel like we can just, again, 1151 00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:51,680 we can go another couple hours talking about these things, 1152 00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:55,280 but I think that you've really been able to express 1153 00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:57,280 what you went through, your story, 1154 00:58:57,280 --> 00:58:59,400 and people can pick out nuggets of this and be like, 1155 00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:00,680 huh, I wonder if this would work for me 1156 00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:01,520 or if this would help. 1157 00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:03,160 And just for the next five or six minutes, 1158 00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:06,960 I have a couple of questions from my school community. 1159 00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:08,320 Again, for those that don't know, 1160 00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:12,880 I have a community on the platform called school, SKOL, 1161 00:59:12,880 --> 00:59:14,720 called Never Peak the First Steps, 1162 00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:16,920 where I bring in entrepreneurs, nonprofit leaders, 1163 00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:20,040 and community members that want to make a real difference 1164 00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:21,440 right where they live. 1165 00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:24,360 And if you want to listen to these interviews live, 1166 00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:28,160 join the group, but you're also able to ask questions 1167 00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:30,960 that we will ask our guests. 1168 00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:33,360 And there are a few questions that we have. 1169 00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:36,440 I'm gonna pick one or two from each person that asked. 1170 00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,720 But the very first one is from A.N. 1171 00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:43,200 And she is also in the Align to Succeed group with me. 1172 00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:47,120 But her question is, can you ask her for tips 1173 00:59:47,120 --> 00:59:49,760 for busy entrepreneurs that have ADHD 1174 00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:51,720 and have issues with their memory? 1175 00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:54,120 So business-wise, what's worked for you 1176 00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:56,360 in keeping agreements with folks? 1177 00:59:56,360 --> 01:00:00,120 So for this, I'm very old school, sticky notes, 1178 01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:02,000 sticky notes, sticky notes. 1179 01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:06,840 So I have found, and it's trial and error, 1180 01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:08,640 I've tried lots of different systems, 1181 01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:11,680 so I wanna really put that out there first. 1182 01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:15,120 Go with your gut and don't try to force yourself 1183 01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:18,200 into a system that you think would be good 1184 01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:22,720 and actually just allow yourself to work on a system 1185 01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:23,800 that does work for you. 1186 01:00:23,800 --> 01:00:26,400 For me, it's sticky notes. 1187 01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:30,520 I am 100% an out-of-sight, out-of-mind person. 1188 01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:35,520 And so I have at any given time, 1189 01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:38,600 27 sticky notes on my desk 1190 01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:41,520 that I have individual notes on 1191 01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:44,840 that are all tasks or things that I need to not forget 1192 01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:45,960 and I need to do. 1193 01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:49,720 So the first part is that it's on my desk. 1194 01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:52,520 I can see it at all times, so it never leaves my brain. 1195 01:00:52,520 --> 01:00:56,000 But the second thing is, is I found out 1196 01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:59,520 that one of the things that brings me satisfaction 1197 01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:02,520 and makes me feel like I've completed something 1198 01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:04,720 is to tear up a piece of paper. 1199 01:01:04,720 --> 01:01:08,240 I know that sounds so bizarre and like, what a random thing. 1200 01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:12,160 But when I am done with a task that is on a sticky note 1201 01:01:12,160 --> 01:01:15,320 and then I get to tear that thing up 1202 01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:17,400 and put it in the recycle bin, 1203 01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:21,160 I have such a feeling of accomplishment. 1204 01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:24,520 And as somebody with ADHD, feeling accomplished 1205 01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:27,360 is something that we can struggle with. 1206 01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:29,520 So find a system that works for you, 1207 01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:33,200 but for me, it's just old school sticky notes. 1208 01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:34,960 I love it and I really like that. 1209 01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:37,560 It's very NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, 1210 01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:40,440 the physical act of doing something. 1211 01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:43,760 Right, a big thing in coaching is the sabotaging voice 1212 01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:46,440 and that little voice, that's a nagging little jerk 1213 01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:48,160 that kind of tells you these really negative things. 1214 01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:50,200 And I've talked about it on my pot a little bit, 1215 01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:52,240 but it's being able to personify that and be like, 1216 01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:57,000 okay, that's the void, that's a separate thing. 1217 01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:58,400 Or during coaching calls a lot of time, 1218 01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:00,720 what I'll do is, okay, we're gonna take that, 1219 01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:02,440 we're gonna put it on the note and put it to the side 1220 01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:03,880 and I'll be sitting there on the phone, 1221 01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:06,280 not even on Zoom, doing the movement. 1222 01:02:06,280 --> 01:02:08,000 And then when we revisit that, it's okay, 1223 01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:10,320 I'm gonna take that off and put it right here. 1224 01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:11,520 And then after the call, like you said, 1225 01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:13,040 okay, now I can kind of get rid of it. 1226 01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:15,000 So I think that that's a fun little thing. 1227 01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:18,440 It's very, write down your feelings and burn it, 1228 01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:20,400 acknowledge it and let it go. 1229 01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:22,360 Yep. 1230 01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:27,240 The other question from A.N. was in regards to AI, 1231 01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:29,520 do you have any experience with artificial intelligence 1232 01:02:29,520 --> 01:02:32,320 like chat GPT or anything that's kind of helped you out 1233 01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:35,520 or is it very much still in that sticky note, 1234 01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:37,040 pen and paper kind of range? 1235 01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:41,960 Okay, so I feel like AI is kind of two categories. 1236 01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:45,320 So there's a lot of apps and things coming out 1237 01:02:45,320 --> 01:02:49,240 that are for ADHD people to stay organized 1238 01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:51,240 and put your tasks and this and that. 1239 01:02:51,240 --> 01:02:53,760 None of those have worked for me. 1240 01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:56,600 And again, it just because it's not my tried and true 1241 01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:58,400 sticky note because I can turn an app off 1242 01:02:58,400 --> 01:02:59,920 and not turn it back on. 1243 01:02:59,920 --> 01:03:04,480 So in that regards, the motion app or all of those AI 1244 01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:08,040 kind of generated things have not been of interest to me. 1245 01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:13,040 But for chat GPT, what I have learned is in my job, 1246 01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:17,680 I have to do a fair amount of writing. 1247 01:03:17,680 --> 01:03:22,680 I am not good at starting a project and having to write it, 1248 01:03:23,280 --> 01:03:27,040 but I'm really, really good at editing. 1249 01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:32,040 So I do use chat GPT to kind of start a thing 1250 01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:37,560 and initiate the initial concepts of it. 1251 01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:41,040 And it does a decent job of kind of taking things 1252 01:03:41,040 --> 01:03:43,760 and giving it a good start, 1253 01:03:43,760 --> 01:03:48,000 going into it with the knowing that I'm going to edit 1254 01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,360 the holy bejesus out of it, 1255 01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:52,160 but that's where my strong suit is. 1256 01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:55,600 I am a really good editor, I'm not a good starter. 1257 01:03:55,600 --> 01:03:58,360 And so that's where AI for me has been 1258 01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:00,640 a really, really great thing. 1259 01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:02,960 Yeah, I do something very similar 1260 01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:05,480 where I kind of just jot down all of my notes 1261 01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:07,520 and I'm like, I have no idea how that I wanna organize 1262 01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:10,280 this chat, fix it. 1263 01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:11,920 And then it's here's an idea. 1264 01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:15,240 Okay, I wish that you did this entirely different. 1265 01:04:15,240 --> 01:04:16,960 It's almost like, what is it? 1266 01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:19,920 If I flip a coin in its heads, yes, tails no, 1267 01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:21,520 and it lands on the one that I don't want, 1268 01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,320 it's well now I suddenly know what I want. 1269 01:04:23,320 --> 01:04:25,760 So I think that's a really good tip. 1270 01:04:25,760 --> 01:04:30,680 Yeah, I feel like a lot of my brain is a springboard 1271 01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:33,480 that just needs something to ping it. 1272 01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:35,840 So it goes boi-yoyoyoyoyoy. 1273 01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:38,640 Ah, this is what I need to do. 1274 01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:41,800 I hear that. 1275 01:04:41,800 --> 01:04:43,280 Perfect. 1276 01:04:43,280 --> 01:04:45,440 I'm gonna save this question from Holly for last, 1277 01:04:45,440 --> 01:04:48,840 but there is a gentleman named Joseph who said, 1278 01:04:48,840 --> 01:04:50,360 he happens to have Asperger's. 1279 01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:52,080 So he has a few of them and we kind of went over them. 1280 01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:54,120 So if we can just kind of be laser on the answers 1281 01:04:54,120 --> 01:04:56,160 just to kind of get that clear thing. 1282 01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:59,200 So growing up with autism, were you diagnosed 1283 01:04:59,200 --> 01:05:00,240 or had to wing it? 1284 01:05:01,880 --> 01:05:03,680 I had to wing it. 1285 01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:06,240 It was not even in my purview that I could even 1286 01:05:06,240 --> 01:05:09,400 potentially be autistic until I was 37 1287 01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:13,600 and came across an autistic online community on Reddit 1288 01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:17,000 and read their stories and so fully identified it 1289 01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:19,720 that I then started down the path. 1290 01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:24,280 That was kind of like, oh my gosh, are you writing, 1291 01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:25,920 are you in my walls? 1292 01:05:25,920 --> 01:05:26,800 How do you know this? 1293 01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:29,640 Yeah, like that is so me, okay. 1294 01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:33,240 Yep, I literally thought, oh, so up until then, 1295 01:05:33,240 --> 01:05:35,400 I literally thought I was this single organism 1296 01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:40,280 that was so bizarre, so random, such a crazy person 1297 01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:42,760 and then read these stories and they literally 1298 01:05:42,760 --> 01:05:44,640 were just plucking things out of my brain. 1299 01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:47,160 And I was like, what? 1300 01:05:47,160 --> 01:05:50,560 And then all the light bulbs went off. 1301 01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:52,160 Yeah, I think that's just such a power 1302 01:05:52,160 --> 01:05:54,240 of people sharing their stories. 1303 01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:55,840 The advice that I've given to a few other people 1304 01:05:55,840 --> 01:05:58,880 that wanna create a podcast or start doing something 1305 01:05:58,880 --> 01:06:02,080 is document, don't create. 1306 01:06:02,080 --> 01:06:04,360 Tell your story, tell your experience 1307 01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:05,840 because there's been a few people like the, 1308 01:06:05,840 --> 01:06:08,480 for the walk, I saw that Mike Posner did it 1309 01:06:08,480 --> 01:06:10,880 and I was okay, well, he's famous, he's rich, whatever. 1310 01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:12,680 But then I saw a couple other guys do it 1311 01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:15,920 and their stories and what they were going through internally. 1312 01:06:15,920 --> 01:06:19,120 And I'm kinda just this dude and I'm this guy too, right? 1313 01:06:19,120 --> 01:06:21,280 And it's being able to see that and identify it 1314 01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:23,600 and you never know when your story 1315 01:06:23,600 --> 01:06:25,760 could inspire someone else to do 1316 01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:27,360 something they've always wanted to do. 1317 01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:32,040 So that's my little, my little CTA is talk about it. 1318 01:06:32,040 --> 01:06:32,880 Yep. 1319 01:06:32,880 --> 01:06:35,720 And the other question that Joseph had was 1320 01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:38,120 when did the personal growth journey start? 1321 01:06:42,120 --> 01:06:47,120 I would say age 35 is when I really became reflective 1322 01:06:48,920 --> 01:06:53,920 and wanted to make my life better by making myself better. 1323 01:06:58,000 --> 01:06:58,840 Perfect. 1324 01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:02,120 And in what way did autism help you to focus better? 1325 01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:05,960 So one of the superpowers that comes with autism 1326 01:07:05,960 --> 01:07:08,240 is the ability to hyper focus 1327 01:07:08,240 --> 01:07:10,400 when something really interests you. 1328 01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:14,280 So whenever something sparks 1329 01:07:14,280 --> 01:07:18,560 that kind of special interest trigger in me, 1330 01:07:18,560 --> 01:07:20,480 I just go for it. 1331 01:07:20,480 --> 01:07:25,120 And so I consider myself a jack of all trades 1332 01:07:25,120 --> 01:07:30,120 in that I know a little bit about a stupid amount of things. 1333 01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:34,080 So I'm not really a master at any one thing, 1334 01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:36,600 but I just go where the special interest takes me. 1335 01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:40,040 And that has truly served me well 1336 01:07:40,040 --> 01:07:43,080 when I was given the opportunity to work in a chamber 1337 01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:47,160 and see that the best chamber staffers were ones 1338 01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:51,000 that were very able to pick up any type of project 1339 01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:54,080 and go along with them and that your everyday is different. 1340 01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:55,920 I was like, well, that's me to a T. 1341 01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:57,640 I don't wanna do anything more than once. 1342 01:07:57,640 --> 01:08:00,920 I just wanna spend seven hours learning everything 1343 01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:02,400 there is to know about this thing, 1344 01:08:02,400 --> 01:08:06,400 go down the rabbit hole, become a good enough at it 1345 01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:09,240 and then move on and that has served me so well. 1346 01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:11,120 I love it. 1347 01:08:11,120 --> 01:08:13,720 And final question, if you could go back 1348 01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:17,080 and tell your younger self one thing, what would it be? 1349 01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:23,920 This is 100% a pull from SNL Classic. 1350 01:08:23,920 --> 01:08:28,920 So I would be telling my baby self, 1351 01:08:29,800 --> 01:08:34,080 you're good enough and people like you. 1352 01:08:34,080 --> 01:08:37,960 And I think that would have changed my absolute worldview 1353 01:08:37,960 --> 01:08:41,160 at that time if I knew that before the age of 35. 1354 01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:43,640 I love that. 1355 01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:45,760 And I think that the thing that I always think of 1356 01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:48,240 whenever I hear somebody ask that question, 1357 01:08:48,240 --> 01:08:50,280 what would you tell your younger self or 1358 01:08:50,280 --> 01:08:52,440 what would you tell a younger version of you is 1359 01:08:52,440 --> 01:08:54,800 you don't have the ability to go back in time 1360 01:08:54,800 --> 01:08:56,920 and tell yourself that, but you have the ability 1361 01:08:56,920 --> 01:08:59,520 to tell someone else that right now. 1362 01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:02,640 That you can go out there and your words really do matter 1363 01:09:02,640 --> 01:09:06,640 and saying things to people that you truly believe 1364 01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:09,760 that you've maybe not have said out loud to them 1365 01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:12,160 are so important and valuable. 1366 01:09:12,160 --> 01:09:15,880 So another CTA and thank you Holly Rosendez 1367 01:09:15,880 --> 01:09:18,200 for that question as well. 1368 01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:20,360 But Chris Lynn, that's all I got. 1369 01:09:20,360 --> 01:09:22,480 I think I have to get out of the classroom here anyway, 1370 01:09:22,480 --> 01:09:25,360 but if people want to learn more about you 1371 01:09:25,360 --> 01:09:26,400 or keep up with the chamber, 1372 01:09:26,400 --> 01:09:28,640 what would be the best way for them to do so? 1373 01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:32,920 They can visit our website, 1374 01:09:32,920 --> 01:09:37,920 www.coastside365thenumbers365.com 1375 01:09:39,080 --> 01:09:40,720 and my cell phone number is on there. 1376 01:09:40,720 --> 01:09:44,600 So if anybody wants to chat or get a cup of coffee, 1377 01:09:44,600 --> 01:09:45,560 give me a call. 1378 01:09:48,080 --> 01:09:49,160 I love it. 1379 01:09:49,160 --> 01:09:50,440 All right, Chris Lynn, thank you so much 1380 01:09:50,440 --> 01:09:52,880 for joining us on today's episode. 1381 01:09:52,880 --> 01:09:54,800 Guys, thank you all for listening. 1382 01:09:54,800 --> 01:09:57,720 Be sure to do the YouTuber thing, 1383 01:09:57,720 --> 01:10:00,040 like, comment and subscribe. 1384 01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:01,160 The more interaction that we get, 1385 01:10:01,160 --> 01:10:02,520 the more we're able to push out this message 1386 01:10:02,520 --> 01:10:03,360 to other people. 1387 01:10:03,360 --> 01:10:04,920 And again, who knows, 1388 01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:07,280 somebody that really needs to hear this message 1389 01:10:07,280 --> 01:10:09,760 would be able to hear it if you would only send it to them. 1390 01:10:09,760 --> 01:10:11,920 So please share, leave a review, 1391 01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:14,920 anything you can to kind of help us spread this message 1392 01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:17,160 that the best is yet to come. 1393 01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:20,400 And as always, remember to never settle, 1394 01:10:20,400 --> 01:10:22,920 never quit and never peak. 1395 01:10:22,920 --> 01:10:47,920 I'll see you guys next week.