Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, everybody.
And welcome to today's episode of the Never Peak Project
podcast.
I'm your host, Coach Ranger.
And in today's episode, we have a fantastic guest.
And I've kind of talked about it a little bit before during
the self-employment updates or just kind of off the cuff
during the normal Mindset Monday episodes that I do.
But I recently, before the walk, I
lived in Modesto for a few years.
And that's where I started my business.
And that is where I did my first networking events.
I did all the paperwork for the city and the county,
all the annoying things you kind of
have to do when you're starting.
And then started establishing myself with Gold Star
and all these referral networks.
Then I kind of abandoned the whole thing, went on the walk,
and had to start over again a few hundred miles west.
And that was something I was pretty worried about,
because when you're going to a new area,
not only do you have to kind of make new friends,
you have to kind of understand the dynamic and what's going on.
But when you're starting a business,
there's that extra layer of nobody knows who you are,
nobody really trusts you or likes you necessarily.
So you're kind of starting over from scratch.
But thankfully, I was lucky enough
to come across our guest today at a Half Moon Bay networking
event through the Chamber of Commerce.
And she has been fantastic in making me feel comfortable being
in a new area, introducing me to new people.
And we talked about it before with other guests
where they kind of feel like they're the light in the darkness.
Where it's, I'm confused, I'm overwhelmed.
But here's this person that can kind of lead me where is best.
So that is why I am so excited to have Chris Lynn on as a guest.
Chris Lynn, thank you so much for sharing more magic and light
in my life.
And now finally, the life of my listeners.
Oh, thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited and I'm so appreciative
that you even came to the Chamber
and it's been a real pleasure getting to know you
and everything that you're working on.
So I'm so excited.
Yeah, I appreciate it.
For those that don't know me as well as you did
or haven't read your bio just yet,
can you just kind of give a quick intro of who you are,
what you do and what we're here to talk about today?
Yeah, so I call myself the Chief Executive Optimist.
So the CEO of the Coastside Chamber of Commerce.
And that's here in Half Moon Bay.
However, our region is what we call the Coastside,
which is a large area covering from Pacifica
all the way down to the Santa Cruz County line.
So with Half Moon Bay kind of our hub.
Gotcha.
And what, I know we talked about this a little bit off air,
but what exactly does a chamber do for the local?
Kind of see the sign every town that I walk through,
like walked by the Chamber of Commerce
or other businesses kind of looking things
that look like a chamber,
but what is it that you actually do?
So there, we have a saying where when you've seen one chamber,
you've seen one chamber
because each chamber is very different in what we do.
So I want to preface that what I say is very specific
to our chamber,
although there may be some overlaps with other chambers.
So we run multiple facets for the benefit
of our business community.
So most people are used to nonprofits serving food
or giving clothing or those types of things.
We're the nonprofit for our area that helps businesses
hopefully thrive and survive and grow.
So that means our services are very, very wide ranging.
So for us, we run the visitor center,
we help run the business development center,
we help run the workforce development center,
we put on a lot of the events.
So we're coming up on what we call nights of lights,
which is a big holiday parade.
And it's all meant to get people downtown
so that they start purchasing their holiday gifts
and they shop local.
And then we also run visit half Moon Bay.
So trying to get the visitors to town
because that's our number one industry.
So we just have a thousand different programs
that we run on an annual basis
to try to help our businesses stay up and going.
And one of the things that I noticed
about our chamber specifically
and kind of what you just mentioned
was that when you think about chamber of commerce,
it's small business development,
bringing in tourism, helping in that regard.
But I also noticed that you said something about employment.
That it's not just the businesses,
but it's about helping people get more opportunities
to develop skills or help build up
their own personal finances, right?
Yes.
So it's very important that there's a holistic view
to the community in making sure
that everybody has the opportunity
to thrive and survive as well as the businesses.
And the businesses are nothing if not for employees.
So we need the employees to have all of the tools
in their tool belt to work for our local businesses
and help them.
So that's even like our local McDonald's
talking to them and saying,
hey, we're hiring predominantly kids right out of high school
or for their summer jobs.
So we need them to understand some basic math
because they need to know how big a burger is
and how to run the cash register
and how to count change and all of these things.
So then they tell us what they need.
And then we try to make sure that there's classes
either through our school system, through the adult school.
And if there isn't, then we create them here.
We have a classroom and we'll bring programs
to try to get people skilled for what we need on the coast side.
I love that.
Because it's very much the, was it rising tide
brings up all the ships?
I think that's the saying, but it's not the,
oh, go ahead.
So it's saying, yeah, rising tides lift all boats.
Thank you.
Okay.
It's not just this sector of business owners
making them go higher and higher
and leaving everybody else behind.
It's really raising the bar for everybody
so that everybody has that opportunity.
They have the resources.
I'm sure there is a little bit of that,
maybe correct me if I'm wrong,
but maybe there's a thing between,
there are these amount of resources or opportunities,
but this amount of people that actually use them.
I think that might be something.
So like kind of also letting people know
about the cool stuff that you're doing.
Yes, yes.
That is what our biggest hurdle is.
So so much of what we do is actually free
to our community.
The classes are free.
We try our best to market everybody that we can.
We have a website that any business on the coast side
can put their business on the directory,
can promote their events, their sales and specials.
And some of that really sits unused
because we've built the tool,
but we really have to work very, very hard
to get the businesses to spend the time to use them.
I feel targeted because I didn't know
that there was an online directory like that.
It sounds almost like a blue ocean.
There's not very many people that are kind of in that,
in these opportunities.
So it sounds like a really good resource for people.
They're like, if they jump in,
there's not very many competitors in that regard either.
Or am I thinking to...
No, so there's a lot of competition
for the average business owner's time, right?
So it's like, even if we told you
when you first joined the chamber
that this might have existed,
there's a very good chance that we said it in such a way
that it was just kind of passing in one ear
and out the other and, you know,
a whole bunch of things that we were throwing at you
at one time.
And so it's really hard to cut through the noise
that every business owner has to go through
to try to get them to, you know, help us help them.
That's one of the real challenges of a chamber.
And this one is gonna be more universal.
We can only put out what the business owners put in.
So it's really frustrating
because somebody will join the chamber
and we have all of these resources
that they can use that we've set up.
We do our best.
And then a year when their membership is set to renew,
they cancel it and they're like,
well, I don't know what your chamber did for me.
You did nothing.
And it's like, but you didn't come to a single event.
You didn't network with anybody.
You didn't, you know, you didn't post your events.
You did it.
Like we can't, we are literally one and a half people.
We can't chase down 400 businesses
to get their information.
We need them to give us something to work with.
But we also realized that businesses are inundated
with all of the things that they have to do
to just be in business.
The administration for running a business
is absolutely mind boggling.
And so we acknowledge that.
So we do our best to try to do the parts of it that we can.
But at some point, a business owner has to be responsible
that they get out what they put in.
How many people are a part of this chamber specifically?
So pre pandemic, which I'm so sick of saying that word,
by the way, but pre pandemic,
we hovered around 375 members.
Now we are hovering around 200 members.
But for us, it's a little bit different
because quite honestly, membership,
which is how chambers run,
was a little bit of a dirty word for me.
And that I have a hard time with exclusivity.
I don't want my work to only apply
to a certain amount of businesses.
So the pandemic really allowed me to get my board on board
with supporting all of the businesses in the community,
not just the ones that were willing to pay the annual fee
of $300.
Cause for some businesses, that's really hard
or they know that they don't have a lot to put in
time wise.
So they acknowledged that ahead of time.
And I don't want to penalize businesses
because they're busy being businesses.
So during the pandemic, we rewrote our mission
so that we supported all coside businesses,
not just members.
So even though our membership hovers at 200,
that's 200 businesses that just love us
and want to support the work that I'm doing.
But in my mind, I represent the 1800 businesses
on the coside.
Yeah, so it's about representing the entire community,
not necessarily just the sectors that are,
not just the ones that I guess that are paying,
but are everybody's bought into the overall success
of the community is kind of the ideal, right?
Yes, yes.
Yeah, gotcha.
How cool, awesome.
Well, I feel like we could spend an entire episode
talking about what the chamber does
and all these amazing things,
but I just want to make sure that we kind of
explain what exactly it is.
I mean, one of the big things that's selling points for me
was the meeting room and the classroom.
Just having that as a home-based business
where I can have somewhere where I can do workshops,
where I could do group coaching meetings
or meet with people in person,
not in just a coffee shop or somewhere loud
where there is some privacy.
You guys are working on the media room for podcasting
and voiceovers and all these amazing things.
I think I just want to make sure that I have
some sound bites to kind of promote the chamber
and the amazing work that you guys are doing here
and just that opportunity for folks to prosper.
But in terms of this episode specifically,
I know that we want to talk a bit more about your journey
and kind of how it relates to the overall purpose
of the Never Peak project and that mentality.
So would you want to go ahead and just kind of explain
the challenges that you've overcome,
what those challenges are and kind of how you landed from,
I guess this cocktail of life experience, right?
Into Chamber of Commerce CEO.
Yeah, so I think the first thing I would acknowledge
is that my challenges with having autism
and ADHD have not been overcome.
I work on them on a daily basis, a momentarily basis.
So I constantly am trying to self-evaluate
how I am moving through the world,
how people are perceiving me through the world
so that I can adjust myself and my behaviors
and my reactions to best fit what I want to,
what I say be when I grow up.
So I'm 43, but I don't really consider myself
as reaching my top potential.
I'm just always striving for the next.
So, but to do that, I have to be willing to evolve.
And so I read a lot of online support groups
and listened to a lot of podcasts where they really dive
into the mentality of ADHD and autism.
And I really found out that I had autism when I was 37.
So I think it's important to note that in my background,
I grew up being terrible in school having,
and this is no disparagement on the teachers of the world.
However, I had multiple teachers tell me and my mom
that I was dumb.
And so I grew up not thinking that I was worth very much,
that I was not gonna do well,
I had no aspirations to go to college.
And mainly just because the adults around me,
for the most part, didn't really see potential in me.
I was just this little girl that moved through the world
and just didn't really have a whole lot of potential
and a lot to offer because I didn't find the things
that fit me.
And I tried to do what a lot of us do, which is mask,
and you get really good at kind of being an actor.
And so when I was, thankfully, in my last year of high school,
I had one teacher who took an interest in my abilities
and really saw me for who I was and told me I was smart
and told my mom I was smart.
Well, and she was not problematic,
but just having that one teacher believe in me
actually set me up to feel like I could go to college.
So then I applied and went to the junior college.
And once I hit college, I actually started making
the Dean's List and I got grades that were pretty decent.
And that just kind of fed my inner mentality.
And then thankfully the first junior college that I went to,
I refused to take the SATs.
I was like, I'm a terrible test taker.
The last thing I need is some tests to tell me
that I'm stupid because my teachers have been telling me
that the whole time.
So I didn't take it.
So because I didn't have that exam,
my first junior college that I went to, they said,
hey, well, we do need to assess what classes
you're gonna have to start in.
So they had their own test.
So I took their test and they came back to me and said,
hey, we've noticed that your math skills are way down here,
but your English comprehension skills
are pretty far up here.
And usually when we see such a separation
in the test scores of the parts,
usually means that there's some kind of learning
development disorder.
Do you mind if we assess you?
It's totally free.
I was like, what?
You actually wanna take time to figure me out?
Like, that's awesome.
So I went through the process and they blew my mind
and told me that I actually had a high IQ.
I never would have guessed that.
And then that I had a processing disorder,
which meant that I roughly work on a three
to five second delay.
So then once I was armed with that knowledge,
that at least in the eyes of the IQ department,
I was higher up there.
And that I just was not good at taking things in
auditorily or by reading.
I'm just a visual hands-on tactile learner.
That was the first brick in the wall
of me really figuring out like,
oh, if I actually can figure out how I tick
and how I can use those to my benefit,
then I can actually do more better, cooler things.
So again, thanks to that school,
they put me in some classes.
They gave me some tutoring and mentoring
so that I could work through this.
And then the next part of that was really just getting real
with myself and being honest with the people around me,
which took about 20 years to really wrap my arms around.
And so now what is my biggest asset is
I'm the first one to admit that I'm autistic.
I'm the first one to admit that I have ADHD.
If I fail at something, if I'm late on something,
I apologize for it.
I take accountability for it.
And I don't try to give people a reason to be mad at me.
I try to give people a reason to be compassionate
about what I'm working through.
So when I was 37 and I started reading about autism
and really truly identifying with these stories
that people were telling about their life
and how being autistic, how the revelation
of that they were an adult with autism was going,
I started learning more about it.
And then just working on myself to make sure
that I have the tools to work with
but that the people around me have the tools to work with me.
I don't even know if that gets a good question.
So it sounds like you're a little bit...
No, I think that that was perfect.
Because that really does, I think,
set the stage for really the rest of the conversation.
Because it sounds like a lot of that at the very beginning
was, I think compassion really is what was missing
throughout those first few years.
Like if you're not living up to their standards
or you're not processing things as quickly
or doing things per the status quo,
you are not normal.
Therefore, you are lesser or dumb.
Or they ascribe these other labels to you.
And I think that's so interesting.
That by this standard, sure,
I may not be doing too hot, right?
But is that the best standard to be judging me by?
Probably not.
And I think that's so interesting.
Just the, as soon as somebody kind of said
what was really going on, then you thrived.
Then you were able to say,
oh, there's this other rubric that I could be graded on.
So what did that create for you
as you were told something different than you had been?
Permission.
It gave me permission to be myself
and to do things the way that they made sense to me
with the understanding that my process
might not make sense to somebody else.
So, and it's actually really funny in that
I have a team member and we joke all the time
because we will have a project
and I will tell her my thought process
on how the project should happen.
And to me, it's super logical.
I'm like, bing, bing, bing.
And she will look at me and be like, wow.
Like I literally think the opposite.
Like what makes sense to me is this, this, this.
And so we always, so then we have this moment
where we get to giggle and laugh together
and be like, wow, we are wildly different.
But at the end of the day, we both do good work
and the project would come out awesome
regardless of who's doing it.
And we just acknowledge that we just do things
in different ways.
So when you come up to that kind of crossroads where,
you see it way A and they see it way five, right?
Not even on the same scale, but very different.
Where does, is it kind of like, well,
this works best for me.
So this is how we have to do it
or is there a collaboration or how do you kind of
figure that out?
So that is the self work.
So this is the part that took 20 years.
So as a part of the autistic side of me,
I am very prone to black and white thinking.
Things are right or they are wrong.
Gray area is like, why does that even exist?
That is stupid.
And so I really had to work on myself
to change my default mindset
that things are either right or wrong.
I'm also very justice oriented.
So, you know, I really could have been
just like a police officer or something because,
oh, speeding ticket, you know, like, oh.
And so, so I really had to work and understand
that life is shades of gray.
There are very few things that are truly black and white.
And even in then there's still shades of gray.
So I had to work to make sure that when people
come to me with different ways,
if I truly think that the way that they're gonna do it
is still gonna produce a good result,
then I just need to shut up.
Like just let it go.
Now, however, I am also a perfectionist
and I also have a really hard time letting things go
and not allowing them to be anything less than perfect.
So that is something I am still working on
on the daily basis.
But I've also learned that I,
if somebody is telling me their process
and what they're gonna do,
and I really do find a flaw in it,
one of my superpowers is being able to see a process
in my mind and really be able to identify
where it's gonna work well and where it might go off the rails.
I'm very good at predicting.
One thing is something is gonna go sideways.
So if I do feel like something's gonna be not as good,
I will say it.
But I will make sure that I try to say it
in the nicest possible way, like collaborative,
like, okay, totally, totally love an A, B and C.
C, I'm just, have you thought about this?
Have you, this is a potential,
like do you have something to offset that?
And so I just try to be as nice as possible about it.
But acknowledging that in my head,
there is a huge alarm that's going off.
That's like warning, warning,
this might not be the best possible.
And I just have to fold it in
and just try not to be an overly critical person
that I am on the inside and not be that person on the outside
because who the heck wants to work for
or be around somebody that's always nagging them.
I don't like to be nagged,
so I shouldn't be the nagged person.
Yeah, and I think that's so interesting
that that is that level of self-awareness,
that this is something that doesn't work in,
I don't want to say in the real world,
I don't know how else to say it,
that this, the default setting
doesn't give you the results that you want.
Therefore, it's kind of like, great,
how do I still use my skills?
Not, because you said in the very beginning
that you kind of have to mask and change and be different,
almost a different person,
but it's like using those skills or that,
I guess, using that default setting differently
to produce what you want to create.
Yes, and that really came from
the ability to assess how I am being perceived in the world
was actually something that came to me in my early 30s.
I had met a gal who I just loved
how she walked into a room and lit it up
and everybody loved talking to her.
And I found that to be such an admirable way to be,
she was always, even though I knew that she had depression
and internal struggles,
and I knew what her internal daily dialogue was
and the things that she was working through
and she had done a lot of work on herself.
She truly was a happy person
and people loved being around her.
And at that time in my life,
I was having a hard time keeping friendships.
I was in a relationship that was very toxic
and I was not the person that walked into a room
and lit it up.
So when I was able to identify that,
I really, really wish that I was much more like Kimberly.
Then one of my, again, kind of like autistic superpowers
which many may identify with,
which is falling in love with a subject or a project,
and you just dive in and it becomes all-encompassing.
So studying how Kimberly behaved and acted
and interacted with other people
and the questions that she asked people to get them
to open up an engaging conversation
and how she smiled and how she just became
my special interest for like a good month or so.
And I just watched her and I worked on myself
to try to behave more like Kimberly,
but in a way where not that I was like faking it
but that I truly believed it.
Because if you're not authentic, people pick up on that, right?
The average person is fairly intuitive, I think.
And so they can tell when you're kind of,
you know, trying to pull one over on them.
So it wasn't like I could just slap a smile on,
walk into a room and I was like,
I'm gonna go and get a smile and assume
that people are gonna gravitate to that.
But what I could do was make sure and be present and aware
if I was smiling or scowling,
because my base face is definitely not like,
it's just like, hmm.
And so, so making sure that I grew up mild
when I was out in public and things like that.
Really working on myself to be interested
in what other people had to say.
That was the real key takeaway of my time,
kind of looking at Kimberly as a special interest.
Just she got into conversations with people
and when they told her that they,
you know, in time of the season, let's just say,
when she told, when they told her
that they spent the weekend with their kids
going to pick out their Christmas trees,
she was so excited to hear about their journey
on picking a Christmas tree and how much joy it brought them.
And she allowed that story to bring her joy.
So I learned how to do that.
I learned how to find my own joy
by listening to other people's joy
and allowing their joy to wash over me
and be genuinely ecstatic that they had a good time
and to think outside of myself.
And I have a picture, a meme that I keep on my phone
that I look at fairly often
or it's always kind of in the back of my head.
And it's about how you rub off on other people.
So it's just a single picture of a bunch of people
and they're all kind of like gray.
And this one person is a little shiny yellow person.
And it acknowledges that as they move through this world
of gray, their yellow light shines
and rubs off on the people around them.
So I try to do my best to understand that
as I move through the world,
I rub off on other people
and I allow other people to rub off on me.
And hopefully by the end of the interaction,
we're both walking away, smiling and laughing and giggling
and really just enjoying one another.
But I've had to work really hard.
And one thing that I take a lot of pride in
is that people who meet me now
can't imagine the person that I was before.
Like they, when I tell them that I was really, really negative,
I lived in a depressive state.
I was very quiet.
I didn't talk a lot.
I definitely didn't smile a lot.
I didn't laugh a lot.
When I say those things,
their reaction is if they just can't imagine
that that's who and how I was.
So that gives me a lot of happiness
that I've been able to come this far.
Yeah, I was gonna say that that meme, I feel,
does describe you perfectly.
The way that I see you and I was gonna say that work well done
because again, like you were just saying,
man, I couldn't imagine.
That's what I was gonna basically say
right before you started talking about that part.
The thing that's coming up for me right now is
a lot of times people kind of view themselves,
oh, I wish I was this, I wish I was that.
And that's something that I kind of struggled with in college
was I'm terrified to talk to people or,
man, I wish that I was more attractive or this.
That was when I was in my early 20s
and that's what you focus on, right?
And something that I felt like I was doing at times
was wearing that mask pretending to be something I'm not,
which I think people kind of like the same thing.
They say, oh, Ranger, so authentically you.
And I guess where this kind of ties into your story
is you said that before that you felt like you were wearing
a mask or you're trying to be something you're not.
And then Kimberly comes along and you're like,
man, I wish I was her, which was something that you were not.
So I guess, what's the difference between wearing a mask
and changing who you are?
What is that difference for you?
How I internalize it on the inside.
So when I was wearing a mask,
and let's just acknowledge that the mask I was wearing
before that was not a good mask.
It was not a happy mask.
People would not accuse me of being a happy person.
It was just a, I need to get out of bed and go to work
and try to live a life and I gotta pay bills
and I gotta do all these things.
So the mask was actually just existing
in the most minimal level possible.
And just really trying to stay vertical
and pretending that I am in some way a human being.
So it wasn't a good mask.
And when I met Kimberly and she and I would talk
and she would tell me how she was working
through all these different things.
It again, was kind of one of those times in my life
where I was given through somebody else's story,
I received internal permission that I can change.
I can be the person that I wanna be.
I can smile and listen to somebody's story
and not just let it go in one side and out the other.
I can try to internalize it and be empathetic.
Empathy is something that did not come to me naturally.
I really learned that in my late 30s, early 40s.
I used to feel like I was very robotic
and I actually had a conversation with my mom
when I realized maybe when I was 38 or so,
I was really just kind of in the beginning
of acknowledging and understanding
like the autistic side of me.
And I said, and I was telling my mom,
mom, I think I'm a little bit defective
in that I don't miss people.
I don't, which is also an ADHD trait,
but I hadn't learned about ADHD
and I hadn't figured that out yet.
That is only about two years into this journey.
But I was like, I don't miss people.
I just, I know where they are.
I know when I'm gonna see them again,
my heart doesn't ache for people.
I hear people say that they miss their mom
and miss their dad and all of these things
and I just don't have that.
I don't feel it.
And I hadn't had a situation in my life
that turned my empathy button into on.
And then, so then once I really started learning
about empathy and I have started on this journey
of listening to people's stories
and letting their stories really wash over me slowly,
but surely I started to gain empathy
and being able to put myself in other people's shoes
and really be excited for other people.
And over time, I've been able to really become
an empathetic, compassionate person.
And now I cry at everything.
It's a pro and a con, this empathy thing.
Cause some days it really makes it hard
to really get anything done
because I am now so affected by the people around me.
When the people around me are happy, everything's awesome.
But when somebody around me is having a hard time
and is sad, I want to drop everything
and help them get through it.
So, but that was again, something that I had to learn about
and hear other people work through it
and then try to take the lessons from what they had done
and apply it to myself.
And I think what's coming up for me
as you're talking about empathy is when I think of empathy,
I do kind of feel like that is something
that you're born with.
It's one of these character traits.
Some people have it, some people don't.
Some people are really good at it, others are not.
But what I'm kind of hearing from you
is that a lot of these character traits,
they're more so skills.
Like you can learn how to do it and how to,
how to have that as part of your personality
or something you can feel almost.
Yeah, I think that's so interesting.
Well, and, you know, credit to Reddit.
I'm a huge Reddit fan.
I love Reddit.
I love the subreddits.
I've learned so much by the people's stories on Reddit.
And so when I started to realize that I had a lot
of ADHD traits on top of the autistic ones
and they do tend to go a little bit hand in hand,
I had a realization that,
and somebody had mentioned this in a Reddit comment,
that people with autism and ADHD
have a hard time relating to something
until they've experienced it themselves.
So let's just say empathy was really, really difficult for me.
And then I had somebody close to me
for the first time pass away.
So I was truly, genuinely devastated
by this person's passing.
I had never had that before.
I was well into my 30s when that happened.
And that, so then that triggered a little bit of empathy,
of the empathy button,
because I now had something to relate it to.
So once that was pointed out to me
that I have a hard time relating with things
until I experienced them myself,
then I had a mission to go out
and experience other things
so that I could turn them on,
so that I could give my brain the understanding
that this, of this skill or thing that I'm looking for.
So for me, a lot of it is empathy and compassion
and flexibility.
Flexibility is not something that I am innately prone to,
but I have, again, worked to be able to be like,
oh no, that's okay.
There's other ways that, you know,
there's another time, there's another this,
there's another that.
And I get compliments all the time where people are like,
oh, you're so easy to work with, you're so flexible.
Only in my mind, I'm like, oh my goodness.
But just, yeah, so just,
and that was through experiences, right?
So allowing myself to go through experiences,
allow something to come up
that would normally send me into a tailspin,
but take that moment and be like,
but Joe652 on Reddit said that if he just waited 37 seconds
and let that uncomfortableness wash over him,
and then he could kind of get through the other side
and be like, well, quite honestly,
this is not the end of the world.
Let's not create a big deal about this
and let's just be flexible.
And then we could, you know,
and so then once I started doing that,
then it became completely ingrained and innate in me.
So now I'll still have every once in a while,
you know, when something starts to change
and I'm not quite ready for it, you know,
I have to pause and I've gotten really good at pausing
and just take that moment
and let myself just internally deal with the freak out,
but then like be okay letting it go.
But you gotta experience it.
You gotta allow yourself to have that time to get through it
and figure out what tools work for you.
So for me, it's a pause
and just allowing myself to have, you know,
30 seconds to let my brain go,
and then come back to it
and conditioning the people around me
that I'm allowed to pause.
So I try to let everybody know that I work with
or that I live with
or that I deal with on a constant basis.
Hey, just so you know, there's a squirrel in here
and this squirrel is on the fastest treadmill possible
and is going, going, going, going,
and sometimes doesn't quite understand what's happening
and needs to take a moment.
So if we're ever in a conversation
or things are kind of happening
and you kind of see me like freeze for a couple of seconds,
just let me have that.
And then I guarantee you,
I'm going to come out of that freeze
and I am going to be ready to go.
I've gotten through it, I've moved on,
but I really need you to let me have that moment.
And as long as I'm honest with people
and let them know that that's my process,
that's what works for me, it's tried and true,
people give me that space.
And then I also try to let people know ahead of time
what I think is going to trigger me.
So I run a lot of events
and events are very prone to going sideways.
And so I try to tell people like,
hey, you know, if I'm working on this thing
and you come at me from the side,
that tends to overwhelm me and set me off.
And I get a little bit snappy
because my mind is trying to figure out
what thing I'm supposed to focus on
and it's gotten overwhelmed and it's gotten overstimulated.
And so I am going to short circuit
and potentially I'm going to get
a little snippy snappy with you.
Please don't take it personally.
Please know that that is just something
that is going to innately come out.
I don't mean it and I will always apologize after.
But I try to warn people ahead of time
so that when they see that side of me
that is not my level best,
that they know that it's not personal
and I'm really working through something.
Yeah, I think there's so many good things there.
I'm going to try to consolidate it a little bit
because I think that the examples that you're sharing
are so specific and not just know yourself
and read things on the internet.
It's here are these specific examples.
Again, the difference between the mask
and I guess almost changing who you are.
There's a guy on YouTube called Zephrank.
Have you ever heard of him?
I have not.
Okay, I'll probably send you one of his videos.
He does the true facts videos,
the true facts about the armadillo
and he says silly things.
He used to have these actual,
I don't want to say actual serious videos.
But one of them was like this kid was growing up
and he's 18 and he's like,
how do I know I'm going to be the type of person
that I want to be?
And it's like, man, what a hard question.
Be yourself, that's the advice that a lot of people give.
But how do I know if the person I want to be
is who I really want to be being?
How do you know that's really me or not really me?
And it sounds like it's that internal drive
to connect with other people and understand others.
And I think that genuine curiosity came up for you also
with how to work with people in those environments.
The Reddit aspect of,
I think this is something that comes up a lot with you,
is permission.
It sounds like a lot of external,
or like a lot of other people almost had to,
I don't want to say they gave you permission,
but they showed you that it was an option.
Right, is that how you would see it or?
Yes, and how, to me, how that works out
is giving me permission to do something
is because when you, and this is very common,
I'm sure it's common with everybody,
but I do read about it a lot in respect to girls.
Girls tend to be conditioned from a very early age
that you've got to fit a box, right?
You're supposed to be pleasant for people to be around.
You're supposed to learn how to cook,
you're supposed to learn how to clean,
you're the one that does this, you're the one that does that.
There's society things that people are kind of put in a box.
And then when you don't innately fit in that box,
and that box is the most uncomfortable place
you could possibly imagine being,
but society has told you that that box is normal,
and you're just really trying to fit in that.
It's, and you've done it for 37 years,
you are conditioned into this space
that is not really permissive.
And so when you, or when I read stories
that I could then identify with,
or I met Kimberly and saw all these aspects of her
that I really liked,
and she really fulfilled the thing that I was saying,
like, I wish I was more a positive person,
I wish I was more giggly, I wish people wanted
to be around me.
Seeing that and hearing those stories, it just, it does,
it just gives you permission, or gives me permission
to live outside of that box, and quite honestly,
crush the box, stomp on the box, forget the box,
or the box in the recycle bin, like a good human,
and let it go to wherever recycling goes.
That box no longer exists in my world.
I now live in a clear bubble of positivity
and trying to do the best I can do,
and I am completely encircled in beautiful,
round, glowing light, and I would love to kick
all boxes to the curb.
Get rid of every single box, I don't care what they look like,
I don't care what they are, just get rid of them.
And it sounds like also just like build your own,
your own shape, your own object, right?
Like, you have that agency to do so.
And we hear this a lot in TV shows and movies
when they talk about diversity and making sure
that people of all types of races, ethnicities,
sexualities, you know, are represented on TV,
that's what I needed to allow myself to be my authentic self
and to really see that that was something that was okay.
I had to see that represented out in the world.
And I think as time goes on, and we're definitely
in this beautiful beginning, I think golden age
of neuro spicy people being allowed to exist
in the way that is comfortable for them.
And acknowledging that everybody is just different
and in our differences, we are beautiful and gorgeous.
I think we're just gonna continue
to see wonderful societal changes
as people like me see other people like me in the world
succeeding, living their authentic lives
and allowing us to come out and be what we wanna be.
Yeah, I love that.
And I think that as a straight white guy,
I'm represented everywhere, right?
I have all these different, every hero, right?
Is a white guy for the most part.
All the famous ones.
So that's something that I haven't realized
until my siblings kind of get attracted
to different people, because my little brother,
he's my half brother, so he's more Mexican than I am.
So he's darker.
I think that representation of like Miles Morales
or these other characters, that's such a huge thing.
And as I'm meeting new people on the walk
and just getting to know people more intimately,
that's what I've noticed how important representation is.
So when they change characters, it's always this huge uproar
of well, that's so whatever, whatever.
Then you see these little kids,
like they have a character that looks like them
and that's so cool, right?
So I think that that is such an interesting,
it reminds me of that saying that people need to be reminded
more than they need to be taught.
And I think that having that as a reminder for myself
and for others is so valuable.
There is another person that,
have you ever heard of Temple Grandin?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, okay, I was gonna say,
I feel like she is the autistic person in media.
Would you kind of say that also
or do you think it's kind of different now?
I would say one of the originals.
I think there's a lot of people these days,
especially as adults who are being diagnosed
and brought into the awareness of autistic and ADHD traits,
but she was definitely the trailblazer
in showing that autistic people,
wherever they lie on the spectrum,
have a beautiful space in this world.
Yeah, I love that.
She's on my list of dream guests for the podcast.
So anybody listening knows Temple, let me know.
I heard a thing actually recently that
she was pretty upset because a lot of people
don't really know who she is
or they're not in her classes now,
but they don't realize who she is almost.
I think that might be making her sound more full of herself
than she actually is,
but I think that's something that's so interesting
because I would fangirl over Temple for sure.
Yeah, and I think if I was gonna make an assumption
that might have a little bit more to do with people
not understanding what she had to go through
so publicly to be who she is, right?
So it's like, yes, she's this amazing person
who because her special interests,
I think revolved around animals and all of that stuff
that, but to be an autistic person
to make a difference in that space was such an uphill climb.
I could imagine that it would be a little bit frustrating,
especially people taking your class or whatever
to not come into it with acknowledgement
that it was such an uphill climb.
Yeah, thank you for putting that
into such better words than I could.
I think that's so interesting.
Just like, yeah, again, that representation,
making that decision to be who you really wanna be, right?
I think that is another interesting thing.
Another thing that I've noticed that in our conversation
and what I've noticed talking to people
that aren't, you know, neuro spicy as you put it,
being able to identify their triggers
and communicate that with those around them.
I feel like a lot of times it's,
oh, you can't say that around mom or,
oh, don't do this in front of grandpa,
otherwise he's gonna get mad.
And I feel like being able to identify,
hey, this is a stressful environment, this might happen.
If it does, I am sorry.
That's not just neuro spicy.
I feel like that's such a thing that everybody
kinda deals with, but a lot of people don't acknowledge.
And then after the fact, don't acknowledge.
Yeah, I, with 100% certainty,
my life in the last five years
has gotten exponentially better, happier, more productive.
When I started being honest with the people around me.
So another thing that I tend to run into
is I'm very like in my head, over analyzing, overthinking.
You know, I'm one of those people
that can recall a conversation from fifth grade
where I think maybe this person might still be mad at me,
but they don't even remember that I exist.
And I can overthink these things,
but I keep it all up here.
One of my mom's favorite kind of anecdotes
from when I was growing up,
that she'll tell everybody was,
oh no, Christylin and I, we always got along.
We never got in a fight, which is true.
In my entire 18 years of living at home,
my mom and I never got in a single argument.
That she knew of because when she did something
that I didn't like or she was punishing me
for something that I did or whatever it was,
our argument happened in my head
because I could not handle
feeling like my feelings were any type of a burden
or awkwardness to somebody else.
So it wasn't until I was an adult that I was like,
no mom, I yelled at you all the time, just in here.
And so although that makes for a kind of peaceful household,
it did not make for a very genuine household.
And so now I've learned the art of expressing my feelings
and like when I'm having a hard day,
I text my boyfriend before I get home, hey, bubba.
Okay, so I've had a really rough one.
I'm feeling very overwhelmed.
And so I just want to let you know because when I get home
and if I'm a little reserved or quiet, it's not you.
You've not done anything.
I'm not mad at you.
I'm not mad at the world.
I'm just very much in my head
and I just want you to know that before you see me.
And so that gives him the heads up
that when I get home, I'm gonna be really sensitive.
So I need him to handle dinner.
Please don't ask me any questions.
Let me pick a show to zone out on.
And he just happily takes that ride with me
because I've given him the heads up
that that's what's gonna happen.
So then he doesn't get all in his head
about what he possibly might have done to make me mad
or anything like that.
So once I started being honest with the people around me
about what I was actually feeling
and not trying to save their feelings
or not be a burden on them,
they were able to have compassion
for what I was going through.
Let me go through it, help me get through it.
And what used to emotionally take me out for days
and weeks at a time,
I can now get over in 15 minutes to three hours
because I give myself the space
and I lovingly make the people around me give me the space.
What came up for me when you were saying all of that
is the what people that care don't matter
but the people that matter don't care
or if they truly care about you
and they are in partnership
or a relationship with you in some way,
they also want what's best for you.
And I think it's so surprising
how we come up with these stories of ourselves
of how we're gonna be a burden
or how we're gonna just piss off this other person.
Just by asking permission and just saying,
hey, this is what I'm experiencing.
They're like, dude, me too.
Or I totally understand and give you that space
and that opportunity.
So it sounds just, it's on that part of you,
I think that acknowledgement of you being able to say
this is what I'm experiencing, this is what's going on,
comma, but it's also the people around you
are so much more understanding
than sometimes we are led to believe, right?
And my favorite word apparently for today is permission.
It also gives them permission to then tell you
when they're going through it.
So my boyfriend and I's relationship
is so awesome and solid
because just like I text him when I'm having a weird day,
he'll text me when he's having a weird day.
So now when I get home and he's reserved
or he's become one with World of Warcraft or whatever,
like I know what he's going through
because he's let me know because we've given ourselves
the ability to talk to each other in that way.
And same, like my teammate is going through something
and she needs to take a day off
or have a mental health day or do this or do that.
Like I've set the stage that she can tell me anything
and I'm going to be understanding
and I'm going to be her first advocate
to make sure that she gets what she needs.
I love that so much.
And I feel like we can just, again,
we can go another couple hours talking about these things,
but I think that you've really been able to express
what you went through, your story,
and people can pick out nuggets of this and be like,
huh, I wonder if this would work for me
or if this would help.
And just for the next five or six minutes,
I have a couple of questions from my school community.
Again, for those that don't know,
I have a community on the platform called school, SKOL,
called Never Peak the First Steps,
where I bring in entrepreneurs, nonprofit leaders,
and community members that want to make a real difference
right where they live.
And if you want to listen to these interviews live,
join the group, but you're also able to ask questions
that we will ask our guests.
And there are a few questions that we have.
I'm gonna pick one or two from each person that asked.
But the very first one is from A.N.
And she is also in the Align to Succeed group with me.
But her question is, can you ask her for tips
for busy entrepreneurs that have ADHD
and have issues with their memory?
So business-wise, what's worked for you
in keeping agreements with folks?
So for this, I'm very old school, sticky notes,
sticky notes, sticky notes.
So I have found, and it's trial and error,
I've tried lots of different systems,
so I wanna really put that out there first.
Go with your gut and don't try to force yourself
into a system that you think would be good
and actually just allow yourself to work on a system
that does work for you.
For me, it's sticky notes.
I am 100% an out-of-sight, out-of-mind person.
And so I have at any given time,
27 sticky notes on my desk
that I have individual notes on
that are all tasks or things that I need to not forget
and I need to do.
So the first part is that it's on my desk.
I can see it at all times, so it never leaves my brain.
But the second thing is, is I found out
that one of the things that brings me satisfaction
and makes me feel like I've completed something
is to tear up a piece of paper.
I know that sounds so bizarre and like, what a random thing.
But when I am done with a task that is on a sticky note
and then I get to tear that thing up
and put it in the recycle bin,
I have such a feeling of accomplishment.
And as somebody with ADHD, feeling accomplished
is something that we can struggle with.
So find a system that works for you,
but for me, it's just old school sticky notes.
I love it and I really like that.
It's very NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming,
the physical act of doing something.
Right, a big thing in coaching is the sabotaging voice
and that little voice, that's a nagging little jerk
that kind of tells you these really negative things.
And I've talked about it on my pot a little bit,
but it's being able to personify that and be like,
okay, that's the void, that's a separate thing.
Or during coaching calls a lot of time,
what I'll do is, okay, we're gonna take that,
we're gonna put it on the note and put it to the side
and I'll be sitting there on the phone,
not even on Zoom, doing the movement.
And then when we revisit that, it's okay,
I'm gonna take that off and put it right here.
And then after the call, like you said,
okay, now I can kind of get rid of it.
So I think that that's a fun little thing.
It's very, write down your feelings and burn it,
acknowledge it and let it go.
Yep.
The other question from A.N. was in regards to AI,
do you have any experience with artificial intelligence
like chat GPT or anything that's kind of helped you out
or is it very much still in that sticky note,
pen and paper kind of range?
Okay, so I feel like AI is kind of two categories.
So there's a lot of apps and things coming out
that are for ADHD people to stay organized
and put your tasks and this and that.
None of those have worked for me.
And again, it just because it's not my tried and true
sticky note because I can turn an app off
and not turn it back on.
So in that regards, the motion app or all of those AI
kind of generated things have not been of interest to me.
But for chat GPT, what I have learned is in my job,
I have to do a fair amount of writing.
I am not good at starting a project and having to write it,
but I'm really, really good at editing.
So I do use chat GPT to kind of start a thing
and initiate the initial concepts of it.
And it does a decent job of kind of taking things
and giving it a good start,
going into it with the knowing that I'm going to edit
the holy bejesus out of it,
but that's where my strong suit is.
I am a really good editor, I'm not a good starter.
And so that's where AI for me has been
a really, really great thing.
Yeah, I do something very similar
where I kind of just jot down all of my notes
and I'm like, I have no idea how that I wanna organize
this chat, fix it.
And then it's here's an idea.
Okay, I wish that you did this entirely different.
It's almost like, what is it?
If I flip a coin in its heads, yes, tails no,
and it lands on the one that I don't want,
it's well now I suddenly know what I want.
So I think that's a really good tip.
Yeah, I feel like a lot of my brain is a springboard
that just needs something to ping it.
So it goes boi-yoyoyoyoyoy.
Ah, this is what I need to do.
I hear that.
Perfect.
I'm gonna save this question from Holly for last,
but there is a gentleman named Joseph who said,
he happens to have Asperger's.
So he has a few of them and we kind of went over them.
So if we can just kind of be laser on the answers
just to kind of get that clear thing.
So growing up with autism, were you diagnosed
or had to wing it?
I had to wing it.
It was not even in my purview that I could even
potentially be autistic until I was 37
and came across an autistic online community on Reddit
and read their stories and so fully identified it
that I then started down the path.
That was kind of like, oh my gosh, are you writing,
are you in my walls?
How do you know this?
Yeah, like that is so me, okay.
Yep, I literally thought, oh, so up until then,
I literally thought I was this single organism
that was so bizarre, so random, such a crazy person
and then read these stories and they literally
were just plucking things out of my brain.
And I was like, what?
And then all the light bulbs went off.
Yeah, I think that's just such a power
of people sharing their stories.
The advice that I've given to a few other people
that wanna create a podcast or start doing something
is document, don't create.
Tell your story, tell your experience
because there's been a few people like the,
for the walk, I saw that Mike Posner did it
and I was okay, well, he's famous, he's rich, whatever.
But then I saw a couple other guys do it
and their stories and what they were going through internally.
And I'm kinda just this dude and I'm this guy too, right?
And it's being able to see that and identify it
and you never know when your story
could inspire someone else to do
something they've always wanted to do.
So that's my little, my little CTA is talk about it.
Yep.
And the other question that Joseph had was
when did the personal growth journey start?
I would say age 35 is when I really became reflective
and wanted to make my life better by making myself better.
Perfect.
And in what way did autism help you to focus better?
So one of the superpowers that comes with autism
is the ability to hyper focus
when something really interests you.
So whenever something sparks
that kind of special interest trigger in me,
I just go for it.
And so I consider myself a jack of all trades
in that I know a little bit about a stupid amount of things.
So I'm not really a master at any one thing,
but I just go where the special interest takes me.
And that has truly served me well
when I was given the opportunity to work in a chamber
and see that the best chamber staffers were ones
that were very able to pick up any type of project
and go along with them and that your everyday is different.
I was like, well, that's me to a T.
I don't wanna do anything more than once.
I just wanna spend seven hours learning everything
there is to know about this thing,
go down the rabbit hole, become a good enough at it
and then move on and that has served me so well.
I love it.
And final question, if you could go back
and tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?
This is 100% a pull from SNL Classic.
So I would be telling my baby self,
you're good enough and people like you.
And I think that would have changed my absolute worldview
at that time if I knew that before the age of 35.
I love that.
And I think that the thing that I always think of
whenever I hear somebody ask that question,
what would you tell your younger self or
what would you tell a younger version of you is
you don't have the ability to go back in time
and tell yourself that, but you have the ability
to tell someone else that right now.
That you can go out there and your words really do matter
and saying things to people that you truly believe
that you've maybe not have said out loud to them
are so important and valuable.
So another CTA and thank you Holly Rosendez
for that question as well.
But Chris Lynn, that's all I got.
I think I have to get out of the classroom here anyway,
but if people want to learn more about you
or keep up with the chamber,
what would be the best way for them to do so?
They can visit our website,
www.coastside365thenumbers365.com
and my cell phone number is on there.
So if anybody wants to chat or get a cup of coffee,
give me a call.
I love it.
All right, Chris Lynn, thank you so much
for joining us on today's episode.
Guys, thank you all for listening.
Be sure to do the YouTuber thing,
like, comment and subscribe.
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And as always, remember to never settle,
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I'll see you guys next week.