Hello and welcome back to the Forgotten ECE.
I am so excited that you're here. On this episode,
we are diving into the after -school life of
children. Go figure. And what really happens
at 3 .30 or whatever time they come to your program.
They walk in. You know the moment. Backpack half
zipped, one shoe somehow looser than the other.
We're lucky if they have both shoes on. They
either collapse in a chair like they just completed
a 12 -hour shift or they explode because someone
touched their water bottle. And you're standing
there thinking, uh, didn't your teacher just
tell me you had a great day? Yes. Yes, they did.
But that's exactly why we're talking about this
today. Because what we see after school is often
not bad behavior, air quotes. It's the crash.
It's the emotional cost of holding it together
all day long. All the sitting, all the raising
of hands, all the navigating friendships, all
the trying not to look confused, all day of trying
not to be too much or not enough. And then they
get to us and everything spills. So today. We're
going to unpack that. What's actually happening
in their nervous system? Why behaviors escalate
in our before and after school programs? Why
they just want to play on the iPad or whatever
technology they can get their hands on? And most
importantly, how we as educators can support
this co -regulation, build real tools, and structure
our program in a way that helps children recover
instead of unravel. Because school age isn't
just supervision. It's the in -between space.
And if we do it intentionally, it becomes the
reset. So buckle up if you've ever stood in your
program at 3 .47 PM wondering what the heck just
happened. This episode is for you. Okay. Let's
talk about 3 .30. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
That was my poor excuse of a bell. I hope you
enjoyed that. Okay. We're not talking about 9am.
We're not talking about our quote unquote circle
time. And we are not talking. They had a great
day at dismissal. We are literally talking about
the second they walk into your program smiling.
Because then at 3 .42, someone's crying because
someone else looked at them weird. By 3 .47,
someone is under the table hovering. By 3 .55,
someone says, I hate everything. And they're
only eight years old. And you're standing there
thinking, how? Did this escalate so fast didn't
I just say hi, but here's how they've been holding
it together all day Let's take a step back They
woke up early maybe rushed maybe already overstimulated
maybe already anxious about the test or the homework
or the new lesson in math and maybe already worried
about a friendship. Maybe there was a fight yesterday
between two friends telling them they're not
invited to each other's birthday party. Then
they go to school where they sit. and listen
and transition and raise their hands and try
not to get in trouble and try not to look confused
and try not to look too sensitive or too much.
All the while, they manage academic pressure,
peer dynamic, subtle bullying, sometimes not
so subtle bullying, comparison. Body changes
starting earlier than they think. Voice cracks.
Group chats. YouTube culture. Perfectional expectations.
Worksheets. Noise. Lights. Bells. For six straight
hours. That is enormous. That is an enormous
amount of self -regulation. So when they walk
into your program, their nervous system says,
okay. I'm done. Let's drop it now. And then everything
spills out. Now, here's where we as educators
get it wrong sometimes. We take it personally.
I planned something fun. We're going outside.
I bought new markers. But then they walk in and
say, where's the iPad? Can we go on the iPad?
Can we watch a cat video? Can we do this? The
audacity, right? But I want you to pause for
a second because when a child, generally speaking,
reaches for a screen immediately after school,
it's really about defiance. It's about relief
because screens require nothing socially. No
eye contact, no negotiation, no performance.
They're done performing. They're all out. They're
throwing in the mic, throwing in the towel, however
you want to say it. This is what I like to call
the after school crash. I'm sure other people
call it that too, but you're luckily listening
to me so you can hear me say it. And it's not
misbehavior. It's a nervous system that has been
stretched thin all day. You know what it's like,
right? As an adult, having to put on this mask
for people, if that's what you do, it's hard.
But Here's what's important. But here's what's
important. Our job is not just to absorb the
crash. It's to teach them what to do with it.
Because if we don't give them tools, we become
their only tool and their only safe place. And
that's not sustainable. So let's back up and
talk about what actually happens. I'm not talking
the Pinterest ideas. I'm not talking just calm
down. I'm actually talking real strategies that
you can walk away with today after listening
to this episode. Welcome to the Forgotten ECE.
The show where before and after school educators,
summer camp and PD staff, and CYWs have a place
where they are seen, heard, and valued. I'm your
host, Jamie Wagler, and I am so excited you're
here. All right. First, teach them. What's happening?
School -aged children can understand brain science.
Say it clearly. Your brain worked hard today.
Your regulation battery is low. Your body needs
to re... charge. When we name it, we remove the
shame. And when we remove the shame, behavior
often softens because you are building emotional
literacy. You're not babying them. Second, build
compression into structure. Stop expecting instant
participation at 3 .30. Of course, they don't
want a structured cooperative activity immediately.
They've been structured all day. Instead, Design
a landing zone. Make sure snacks available. Make
sure there's movement time available. Make sure
your quiet table or quiet activities are accessible.
Not chaos. Predictable. Decompression. When our
students know they have a space to land, they
don't have to explode to create it. Next, let's
teach them some exit language. We tell children,
use your words, but do we give them the words
to use? Teach them phrases like, I need space.
I'm not ready yet. I need five minutes. That
was too much. Those are all excellent phrases
to teach your before and after school students.
Role play. Role play it when they're calm. Normalize
it. in group meetings. Make it a part of your
program culture. When they have the language,
they don't need meltdowns to communicate capacity.
Also, number four, replace the function, not
just the screen. If these students are constantly
asking for iPads, did technology to fill their
time, ask yourself, what need? Is that technology
filling? Is it the quiet? Is it the control,
the escape, the predictability? And then design
alternatives that meet the same need. What about
audio books with headphones? What about a sketch
journal? How about a standing puzzle table or
choice boards that they actually get to participate
in helping you create? By doing this and by offering
these different activities and these different
options, you're strengthening regulation skills.
And that's professional school age practice.
That is giving. these students the exact tools
they need to be successful. Also, watch your
emotional stance. This one matters most. Children
borrow your nervous system. If you're tight,
rushed, irritated, it spreads like wildfire.
Before responding, slow. down. Lower your voice,
which honestly I am awful at because I, if you
can tell by listening to me, I am hyper. I am
always excited. My voice is literally like this
all the time. But when I'm with my students,
when I'm with these kids, even when I'm with
my own children, I have to calm my body, lower
my voice, use fewer words and ground your body
all the time. But I need to ground myself and
I need to remind myself that this isn't helping
them. It's like you're a thermostat, not a thermometer.
You need to cool it down. At this age, co -regulation
is subtle. It's not rocking them, but it's modeling
this steadiness. Here's what I want you to hear
clearly from me. Today's children are navigating
more complexity than we did at their age. Earlier
puberty, social media influence, peer comparison,
academic pressure. Some of them are carrying
more than we realize and this is just surface
level. There is so many more factors underneath
that we are not aware of. Before and after school
programs. sit in this powerful space. And I need
you to realize this. This is the in -between,
the transition between school and home. And these
transitions are where regulation either collapses
or gets built. Think about all those kids that
leave school, come to your program, and then
have to rush off to sport or whatever extracurricular
activity they have to do that night. It's hard.
It's draining. When is there time to be a child?
When is there time to just be themselves? To
just be. If we design intentionally, we don't
just survive 4 p .m. We actually teach these
students, these before and after school students,
that they can overwhelm and recover. That they
can feel overwhelmed and recover. That they can
ask for space. That They can regulate without
shutting down and that they can handle hard days.
That, my friend, is resilience, not compliance.
School -aged children are not preschoolers with
taller bodies, okay? It requires different systems,
different language, different expectations. And
when we get it right, we don't just manage behaviors
because it's not the behaviors that need managing.
We build emotionally intelligent humans. That's
the work. And that's what matters. Okay, before
we wrap up, I want you to take a second and reflect.
What in your program feels heavy right now? Is
it the after -school crash? Is it the constant
behavior escalation? Is it screens? Is it the
team dynamics? Is it feeling like you're holding
everything together alone? Because here's the
truth. If it feels heavy, it's worth looking
at. And you don't have to figure it out in isolation.
Send me a message. Tell me what's happening in
your program. Tell me what your 330 looks like.
Honestly, I read those messages, I respond, and
sometimes those conversations turn into the next
episode, the next training, or the shift in your
program that you didn't even know you needed.
You're not just managing time. You are shaping
how children recover from their day and you deserve
support. So reach out. Let's talk about what
feels heavier and let me make it a little lighter
for you. Thank you so much for listening. Have
the most beautiful Sunday and we'll chat soon.
Happy learning. Thank you. Hi, Forgotten ECE
listeners. Before we wrap up, I need to tell
you about something I am so excited about. North
of Ordinary, the Summer Camp Leadership Retreat
is officially open for registration and the early
bird pricing is available now until March 1st.
This is not your generic leadership training.
This is immersive, practical training for school
-age leaders, for school -age educators, for...
summer camp and recreational staff who actually
work with school -aged children. Yay! If you're
leading mixed age groups, if you're trying to
build sustainable systems, if you want programming
that actually works and you're tired of reactive
firefighting, this retreat is for you. We'll
be together June 12th to 14th at the Hidden Acres
Camp in Ontario for two nights, immersive leadership
sessions and real applicable tools you can bring
back to your team immediately. Early bird pricing
ends March 1st. Don't miss it. Head to jamieconsulting
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M -I -S -S -J -A -M -I -E -C -O -N -S -U -L -T
-I -N -G .com slash camp north to secure your
spot. Let's elevate your camp and let's elevate
your leadership. Thank you. Amazing listeners
for your support. Don't forget to follow me on
Instagram at MissJamie underscore R -E -C -E.
Give a star rating and leave a review. Have something
you want to hear about in relation to before
and after school programs or full day summer
camp? DM me or comment. Again, thank you so much
and happy learning.