WEBVTT 00:00:01.779 --> 00:00:06.660 Hello and welcome back to the Forgotten ECE. 00:00:06.839 --> 00:00:11.259 I am so excited that you're here. On this episode, 00:00:11.419 --> 00:00:14.980 we are diving into the after -school life of 00:00:14.980 --> 00:00:17.879 children. Go figure. And what really happens 00:00:17.879 --> 00:00:21.480 at 3 .30 or whatever time they come to your program. 00:00:21.559 --> 00:00:25.129 They walk in. You know the moment. Backpack half 00:00:25.129 --> 00:00:28.149 zipped, one shoe somehow looser than the other. 00:00:28.329 --> 00:00:30.769 We're lucky if they have both shoes on. They 00:00:30.769 --> 00:00:34.350 either collapse in a chair like they just completed 00:00:34.350 --> 00:00:38.750 a 12 -hour shift or they explode because someone 00:00:38.750 --> 00:00:42.350 touched their water bottle. And you're standing 00:00:42.350 --> 00:00:46.090 there thinking, uh, didn't your teacher just 00:00:46.090 --> 00:00:49.340 tell me you had a great day? Yes. Yes, they did. 00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:52.020 But that's exactly why we're talking about this 00:00:52.020 --> 00:00:55.719 today. Because what we see after school is often 00:00:55.719 --> 00:00:59.920 not bad behavior, air quotes. It's the crash. 00:01:00.219 --> 00:01:03.159 It's the emotional cost of holding it together 00:01:03.159 --> 00:01:08.609 all day long. All the sitting, all the raising 00:01:08.609 --> 00:01:11.870 of hands, all the navigating friendships, all 00:01:11.870 --> 00:01:15.829 the trying not to look confused, all day of trying 00:01:15.829 --> 00:01:18.650 not to be too much or not enough. And then they 00:01:18.650 --> 00:01:22.790 get to us and everything spills. So today. We're 00:01:22.790 --> 00:01:24.870 going to unpack that. What's actually happening 00:01:24.870 --> 00:01:27.790 in their nervous system? Why behaviors escalate 00:01:27.790 --> 00:01:30.090 in our before and after school programs? Why 00:01:30.090 --> 00:01:32.629 they just want to play on the iPad or whatever 00:01:32.629 --> 00:01:34.689 technology they can get their hands on? And most 00:01:34.689 --> 00:01:37.530 importantly, how we as educators can support 00:01:37.530 --> 00:01:41.049 this co -regulation, build real tools, and structure 00:01:41.049 --> 00:01:43.310 our program in a way that helps children recover 00:01:43.310 --> 00:01:47.030 instead of unravel. Because school age isn't 00:01:47.030 --> 00:01:50.810 just supervision. It's the in -between space. 00:01:51.189 --> 00:01:53.739 And if we do it intentionally, it becomes the 00:01:53.739 --> 00:01:57.680 reset. So buckle up if you've ever stood in your 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:01.540 program at 3 .47 PM wondering what the heck just 00:02:01.540 --> 00:02:10.199 happened. This episode is for you. Okay. Let's 00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:14.879 talk about 3 .30. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:17.280 That was my poor excuse of a bell. I hope you 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:20.270 enjoyed that. Okay. We're not talking about 9am. 00:02:20.449 --> 00:02:22.550 We're not talking about our quote unquote circle 00:02:22.550 --> 00:02:28.000 time. And we are not talking. They had a great 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:31.379 day at dismissal. We are literally talking about 00:02:31.379 --> 00:02:34.560 the second they walk into your program smiling. 00:02:34.960 --> 00:02:39.719 Because then at 3 .42, someone's crying because 00:02:39.719 --> 00:02:42.580 someone else looked at them weird. By 3 .47, 00:02:42.780 --> 00:02:46.840 someone is under the table hovering. By 3 .55, 00:02:47.020 --> 00:02:50.199 someone says, I hate everything. And they're 00:02:50.199 --> 00:02:53.379 only eight years old. And you're standing there 00:02:53.379 --> 00:02:57.520 thinking, how? Did this escalate so fast didn't 00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:00.240 I just say hi, but here's how they've been holding 00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:07.879 it together all day Let's take a step back They 00:03:07.879 --> 00:03:13.520 woke up early maybe rushed maybe already overstimulated 00:03:13.520 --> 00:03:18.000 maybe already anxious about the test or the homework 00:03:18.000 --> 00:03:21.539 or the new lesson in math and maybe already worried 00:03:21.539 --> 00:03:24.219 about a friendship. Maybe there was a fight yesterday 00:03:24.219 --> 00:03:26.300 between two friends telling them they're not 00:03:26.300 --> 00:03:28.439 invited to each other's birthday party. Then 00:03:28.439 --> 00:03:33.729 they go to school where they sit. and listen 00:03:33.729 --> 00:03:39.270 and transition and raise their hands and try 00:03:39.270 --> 00:03:43.110 not to get in trouble and try not to look confused 00:03:43.110 --> 00:03:49.550 and try not to look too sensitive or too much. 00:03:49.849 --> 00:03:54.129 All the while, they manage academic pressure, 00:03:54.509 --> 00:03:57.930 peer dynamic, subtle bullying, sometimes not 00:03:57.930 --> 00:04:01.280 so subtle bullying, comparison. Body changes 00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:04.000 starting earlier than they think. Voice cracks. 00:04:04.259 --> 00:04:07.300 Group chats. YouTube culture. Perfectional expectations. 00:04:07.800 --> 00:04:12.479 Worksheets. Noise. Lights. Bells. For six straight 00:04:12.479 --> 00:04:18.040 hours. That is enormous. That is an enormous 00:04:18.040 --> 00:04:22.740 amount of self -regulation. So when they walk 00:04:22.740 --> 00:04:26.620 into your program, their nervous system says, 00:04:26.860 --> 00:04:31.699 okay. I'm done. Let's drop it now. And then everything 00:04:31.699 --> 00:04:38.920 spills out. Now, here's where we as educators 00:04:38.920 --> 00:04:41.459 get it wrong sometimes. We take it personally. 00:04:42.199 --> 00:04:44.939 I planned something fun. We're going outside. 00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:48.240 I bought new markers. But then they walk in and 00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:50.699 say, where's the iPad? Can we go on the iPad? 00:04:50.819 --> 00:04:53.379 Can we watch a cat video? Can we do this? The 00:04:53.379 --> 00:04:57.430 audacity, right? But I want you to pause for 00:04:57.430 --> 00:05:00.350 a second because when a child, generally speaking, 00:05:00.490 --> 00:05:02.550 reaches for a screen immediately after school, 00:05:02.730 --> 00:05:07.189 it's really about defiance. It's about relief 00:05:07.189 --> 00:05:12.509 because screens require nothing socially. No 00:05:12.509 --> 00:05:16.670 eye contact, no negotiation, no performance. 00:05:17.189 --> 00:05:19.970 They're done performing. They're all out. They're 00:05:19.970 --> 00:05:23.569 throwing in the mic, throwing in the towel, however 00:05:23.569 --> 00:05:26.629 you want to say it. This is what I like to call 00:05:26.629 --> 00:05:28.769 the after school crash. I'm sure other people 00:05:28.769 --> 00:05:31.610 call it that too, but you're luckily listening 00:05:31.610 --> 00:05:34.769 to me so you can hear me say it. And it's not 00:05:34.769 --> 00:05:39.649 misbehavior. It's a nervous system that has been 00:05:39.649 --> 00:05:43.810 stretched thin all day. You know what it's like, 00:05:43.870 --> 00:05:47.350 right? As an adult, having to put on this mask 00:05:47.350 --> 00:05:51.009 for people, if that's what you do, it's hard. 00:05:53.029 --> 00:05:57.899 But Here's what's important. But here's what's 00:05:57.899 --> 00:06:02.639 important. Our job is not just to absorb the 00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:07.300 crash. It's to teach them what to do with it. 00:06:07.379 --> 00:06:11.240 Because if we don't give them tools, we become 00:06:11.240 --> 00:06:13.279 their only tool and their only safe place. And 00:06:13.279 --> 00:06:17.540 that's not sustainable. So let's back up and 00:06:17.540 --> 00:06:20.079 talk about what actually happens. I'm not talking 00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:23.399 the Pinterest ideas. I'm not talking just calm 00:06:23.399 --> 00:06:26.480 down. I'm actually talking real strategies that 00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:28.560 you can walk away with today after listening 00:06:28.560 --> 00:06:40.540 to this episode. Welcome to the Forgotten ECE. 00:06:41.149 --> 00:06:43.649 The show where before and after school educators, 00:06:43.850 --> 00:06:47.709 summer camp and PD staff, and CYWs have a place 00:06:47.709 --> 00:06:50.509 where they are seen, heard, and valued. I'm your 00:06:50.509 --> 00:06:53.389 host, Jamie Wagler, and I am so excited you're 00:06:53.389 --> 00:07:07.769 here. All right. First, teach them. What's happening? 00:07:07.910 --> 00:07:11.389 School -aged children can understand brain science. 00:07:11.629 --> 00:07:15.329 Say it clearly. Your brain worked hard today. 00:07:15.470 --> 00:07:20.430 Your regulation battery is low. Your body needs 00:07:20.430 --> 00:07:25.759 to re... charge. When we name it, we remove the 00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:28.480 shame. And when we remove the shame, behavior 00:07:28.480 --> 00:07:32.279 often softens because you are building emotional 00:07:32.279 --> 00:07:36.579 literacy. You're not babying them. Second, build 00:07:36.579 --> 00:07:40.939 compression into structure. Stop expecting instant 00:07:40.939 --> 00:07:44.639 participation at 3 .30. Of course, they don't 00:07:44.639 --> 00:07:47.199 want a structured cooperative activity immediately. 00:07:47.660 --> 00:07:52.319 They've been structured all day. Instead, Design 00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:56.240 a landing zone. Make sure snacks available. Make 00:07:56.240 --> 00:07:58.899 sure there's movement time available. Make sure 00:07:58.899 --> 00:08:01.279 your quiet table or quiet activities are accessible. 00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:05.910 Not chaos. Predictable. Decompression. When our 00:08:05.910 --> 00:08:09.269 students know they have a space to land, they 00:08:09.269 --> 00:08:12.629 don't have to explode to create it. Next, let's 00:08:12.629 --> 00:08:16.149 teach them some exit language. We tell children, 00:08:16.250 --> 00:08:19.370 use your words, but do we give them the words 00:08:19.370 --> 00:08:22.329 to use? Teach them phrases like, I need space. 00:08:22.689 --> 00:08:25.290 I'm not ready yet. I need five minutes. That 00:08:25.290 --> 00:08:27.889 was too much. Those are all excellent phrases 00:08:27.889 --> 00:08:30.110 to teach your before and after school students. 00:08:30.290 --> 00:08:33.970 Role play. Role play it when they're calm. Normalize 00:08:33.970 --> 00:08:36.500 it. in group meetings. Make it a part of your 00:08:36.500 --> 00:08:39.720 program culture. When they have the language, 00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:42.360 they don't need meltdowns to communicate capacity. 00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:45.539 Also, number four, replace the function, not 00:08:45.539 --> 00:08:48.580 just the screen. If these students are constantly 00:08:48.580 --> 00:08:53.399 asking for iPads, did technology to fill their 00:08:53.399 --> 00:08:57.740 time, ask yourself, what need? Is that technology 00:08:57.740 --> 00:09:00.059 filling? Is it the quiet? Is it the control, 00:09:00.259 --> 00:09:02.700 the escape, the predictability? And then design 00:09:02.700 --> 00:09:05.740 alternatives that meet the same need. What about 00:09:05.740 --> 00:09:07.960 audio books with headphones? What about a sketch 00:09:07.960 --> 00:09:10.679 journal? How about a standing puzzle table or 00:09:10.679 --> 00:09:13.399 choice boards that they actually get to participate 00:09:13.399 --> 00:09:17.100 in helping you create? By doing this and by offering 00:09:17.100 --> 00:09:18.740 these different activities and these different 00:09:18.740 --> 00:09:22.200 options, you're strengthening regulation skills. 00:09:22.580 --> 00:09:24.860 And that's professional school age practice. 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:27.309 That is giving. these students the exact tools 00:09:27.309 --> 00:09:30.289 they need to be successful. Also, watch your 00:09:30.289 --> 00:09:34.450 emotional stance. This one matters most. Children 00:09:34.450 --> 00:09:37.909 borrow your nervous system. If you're tight, 00:09:38.049 --> 00:09:41.909 rushed, irritated, it spreads like wildfire. 00:09:42.029 --> 00:09:47.519 Before responding, slow. down. Lower your voice, 00:09:47.679 --> 00:09:50.399 which honestly I am awful at because I, if you 00:09:50.399 --> 00:09:53.600 can tell by listening to me, I am hyper. I am 00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:55.779 always excited. My voice is literally like this 00:09:55.779 --> 00:09:59.519 all the time. But when I'm with my students, 00:09:59.600 --> 00:10:01.360 when I'm with these kids, even when I'm with 00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:03.960 my own children, I have to calm my body, lower 00:10:03.960 --> 00:10:07.840 my voice, use fewer words and ground your body 00:10:07.840 --> 00:10:11.940 all the time. But I need to ground myself and 00:10:11.940 --> 00:10:14.639 I need to remind myself that this isn't helping 00:10:14.639 --> 00:10:17.759 them. It's like you're a thermostat, not a thermometer. 00:10:18.039 --> 00:10:21.419 You need to cool it down. At this age, co -regulation 00:10:21.419 --> 00:10:24.059 is subtle. It's not rocking them, but it's modeling 00:10:24.059 --> 00:10:27.620 this steadiness. Here's what I want you to hear 00:10:27.620 --> 00:10:31.200 clearly from me. Today's children are navigating 00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:34.879 more complexity than we did at their age. Earlier 00:10:34.879 --> 00:10:38.360 puberty, social media influence, peer comparison, 00:10:38.840 --> 00:10:41.860 academic pressure. Some of them are carrying 00:10:41.860 --> 00:10:44.940 more than we realize and this is just surface 00:10:44.940 --> 00:10:49.159 level. There is so many more factors underneath 00:10:49.159 --> 00:10:52.179 that we are not aware of. Before and after school 00:10:52.179 --> 00:10:56.970 programs. sit in this powerful space. And I need 00:10:56.970 --> 00:10:59.049 you to realize this. This is the in -between, 00:10:59.149 --> 00:11:02.490 the transition between school and home. And these 00:11:02.490 --> 00:11:05.710 transitions are where regulation either collapses 00:11:06.490 --> 00:11:08.549 or gets built. Think about all those kids that 00:11:08.549 --> 00:11:10.710 leave school, come to your program, and then 00:11:10.710 --> 00:11:12.990 have to rush off to sport or whatever extracurricular 00:11:12.990 --> 00:11:15.029 activity they have to do that night. It's hard. 00:11:15.169 --> 00:11:18.070 It's draining. When is there time to be a child? 00:11:18.330 --> 00:11:20.929 When is there time to just be themselves? To 00:11:20.929 --> 00:11:24.230 just be. If we design intentionally, we don't 00:11:24.230 --> 00:11:26.950 just survive 4 p .m. We actually teach these 00:11:26.950 --> 00:11:28.850 students, these before and after school students, 00:11:29.090 --> 00:11:31.450 that they can overwhelm and recover. That they 00:11:31.450 --> 00:11:33.889 can feel overwhelmed and recover. That they can 00:11:33.889 --> 00:11:36.870 ask for space. That They can regulate without 00:11:36.870 --> 00:11:39.389 shutting down and that they can handle hard days. 00:11:39.649 --> 00:11:43.250 That, my friend, is resilience, not compliance. 00:11:43.850 --> 00:11:47.690 School -aged children are not preschoolers with 00:11:47.690 --> 00:11:51.830 taller bodies, okay? It requires different systems, 00:11:52.129 --> 00:11:55.330 different language, different expectations. And 00:11:55.330 --> 00:11:58.610 when we get it right, we don't just manage behaviors 00:11:58.610 --> 00:12:00.409 because it's not the behaviors that need managing. 00:12:00.529 --> 00:12:04.409 We build emotionally intelligent humans. That's 00:12:04.409 --> 00:12:09.870 the work. And that's what matters. Okay, before 00:12:09.870 --> 00:12:12.889 we wrap up, I want you to take a second and reflect. 00:12:13.990 --> 00:12:16.580 What in your program feels heavy right now? Is 00:12:16.580 --> 00:12:18.940 it the after -school crash? Is it the constant 00:12:18.940 --> 00:12:23.940 behavior escalation? Is it screens? Is it the 00:12:23.940 --> 00:12:26.899 team dynamics? Is it feeling like you're holding 00:12:26.899 --> 00:12:30.759 everything together alone? Because here's the 00:12:30.759 --> 00:12:33.179 truth. If it feels heavy, it's worth looking 00:12:33.179 --> 00:12:36.039 at. And you don't have to figure it out in isolation. 00:12:36.440 --> 00:12:39.059 Send me a message. Tell me what's happening in 00:12:39.059 --> 00:12:41.779 your program. Tell me what your 330 looks like. 00:12:41.799 --> 00:12:44.259 Honestly, I read those messages, I respond, and 00:12:44.259 --> 00:12:46.509 sometimes those conversations turn into the next 00:12:46.509 --> 00:12:48.830 episode, the next training, or the shift in your 00:12:48.830 --> 00:12:51.090 program that you didn't even know you needed. 00:12:51.269 --> 00:12:54.830 You're not just managing time. You are shaping 00:12:54.830 --> 00:12:59.009 how children recover from their day and you deserve 00:12:59.009 --> 00:13:02.509 support. So reach out. Let's talk about what 00:13:02.509 --> 00:13:05.309 feels heavier and let me make it a little lighter 00:13:05.309 --> 00:13:09.750 for you. Thank you so much for listening. Have 00:13:09.750 --> 00:13:13.649 the most beautiful Sunday and we'll chat soon. 00:13:13.769 --> 00:13:22.370 Happy learning. Thank you. Hi, Forgotten ECE 00:13:22.370 --> 00:13:25.970 listeners. 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Let's elevate your camp and let's elevate 00:14:45.639 --> 00:14:53.820 your leadership. Thank you. Amazing listeners 00:14:53.820 --> 00:14:56.110 for your support. Don't forget to follow me on 00:14:56.110 --> 00:14:58.710 Instagram at MissJamie underscore R -E -C -E. 00:14:58.889 --> 00:15:02.009 Give a star rating and leave a review. Have something 00:15:02.009 --> 00:15:04.190 you want to hear about in relation to before 00:15:04.190 --> 00:15:06.070 and after school programs or full day summer 00:15:06.070 --> 00:15:09.429 camp? DM me or comment. Again, thank you so much 00:15:09.429 --> 00:15:10.429 and happy learning.