Hello. And welcome back to the forgotten ECE.
Okay, that's I was going to try something new,
but that sounds silly. But here we are. Hi, I
missed you. I hope you miss me too. I know you
did. It's okay. You can admit it. Um, wow, it
is all ready February. It is like Halfway through
February, easily halfway through February. It
is halfway through February and this is only
my second episode. I'm so sorry. It's gonna get
better from here on out because I keep promising
you that and I keep not following through, but
this isn't a promise. I'm just gonna tell you
the way it is. So it's gonna get better from
here on out. So I'm glad you're listening and
I'm glad you tuned in today because I have a
new episode, second episode of season three.
Can you believe that we're on season three? three
at the Forgotten ECE. I cannot believe it. Thank
you so much for listening. Thank you so much
for, you know, hanging out with me and still
paying attention when I release new episodes,
even though it's sporadic. I do truly appreciate
you. But today without further ado, we're going
to talk about the independence of schoolagers.
Hang tight. Welcome to the Forgotten ECE. The
show where before and after school educators,
summer camp and PD staff and CYWs have a place
where they are seen, heard, and valued. I'm your
host, Jamie Wakeler, and I am so excited you're
here. Okay. Can we just say the thing out loud.
I'm going to say it. Moving from preschool to
school age is an identity crisis. Honestly, going
from being in a college for early child education
or a university program for early child education
and then moving into a school age program, it
is really an identity crisis because you're learning
so... Holistically about preschool, toddler,
infant, children, maybe kindergarten, you very
rarely touch on school age and what that looks
like. In preschool, you are needed constantly.
Trust me, that's why I didn't last in preschool
very long. Someone needs help opening yogurt.
Someone is crying. Someone forgot how sleeves
work. Someone is emotionally unraveling because
the blue cup is gone. These are big problems,
and you matter every 42 seconds of the day, probably
more than that. Then you move into school age,
and suddenly no one needs help with their yogurt,
not usually, maybe at the beginning. No one wants
your crafts. And when you say, hey people, when
you say, hey, I set up an activity, they say,
and no thanks. Six, seven. i don't know what
else they're saying that's all i got um excuse
me i used to be essential that's how you'd be
feeling that's how i feel excuse me hi me remember
me your teacher your favorite person remember
me please don't forget about me but now they're
building forts and ignoring me what happened
well i like to call it the independent shock
you go from central to this room to I appear
to be optional. And if you don't understand development,
that can feel personal and almost as if you're
being attacked. It can feel like I'm not engaging
enough. It can feel like I'm not good at this.
It can feel like they don't like what I plan
and do they even need me here? When you start
second guessing whether or not you should be
a school age educator, well, listen, just because
they don't need you the same way preschoolers
did. doesn't mean that they don't need you. It's
developmentally appropriate for them to be different
in that way. So what actually changes? What's
grounded in science for a second? Self -determination
theory developed by DC and Ryan tells us that
humans are motivated by three core psychological
needs. Do you remember what they are? Quiz time.
One, autonomy. Two. competence and three relatedness.
So first autonomy. I get to choose what I want
to do. Competence. I feel capable to make those
choices and to do what I want to do. And last
relatedness is I belong. So for preschoolers,
they're still building basic regulation and attachment
systems. Their autonomy is emerging, but it's
fragile. They still need adult scaffolding constantly.
School age kids on the other hand. Oh, sorry.
I should say children. I got yelled at the other
day for posting my thing and saying kids. So
I apologize. Fixing that now. School age children,
their autonomy drive has ex -beloaded. They're
wired to choose their friends, to choose their
activities, to test their independence, to test
your patience, and to develop personal identity
all at the same time. So when they ignore your
carefully planned slime station, whom I kidding,
no one would ignore slime. Slime's the greatest.
It's not disrespect. and it's not to hurt your
feelings, it's autonomy. And autonomy is a sign
of healthy development. I hear so many people
when I consult say they just want to do their
own thing. Yeah, you're correct. That's the point.
Between the ages of four and 12, children shift
from this adult oriented attachment to peer oriented
social development. Their nervous system isn't
scanning for you the way it used to. It's scanning
for, okay, who's in my group? What's our idea
for the next little bit? How do I fit in here?
How do I not say something that's going to make
them laugh at me or I'm in a funny mood. I want
them to laugh. What can I say to make it funny
here? If you're still running the room like a
preschool, whole group directions, everyone rotating,
teacher led flow. You're going to feel constant
friction. And honestly, it's for the best because
that is not what is developmentally appropriate.
Development here has moved forward. It's time
for you to do the same. It's time for the programming
to catch up. And I mean that in the nicest way,
please don't take offense. So the other thing
that comes hand in hand with this is putting
out materials for crafts or thinking about activities
to do and They've rejected the craft rejection
trauma. We're going to talk about it for a moment.
You spend time setting up the table to look nice.
You're labeled bins, your Pinterest level organization.
You announce it. Hey, y 'all, we're going to
do a free, full art. It's here on the table.
Help yourself silence. One child walks over and
looks at it and says, uh, do we have to do this?
Ooh, that one hit hard. Here's the reframe. Your
job in school age programming is not to produce
participation. It is to produce possibility.
If two children engage deeply for 30 minutes,
that's a success. They can take it wherever they
want to go. It is their choice and you're providing
them a safe place to take those risks and to
work on those. choices to develop that autonomy
there's depth over volume in this preschool success
looks like everyone did it or everyone had fun
school age success looks like some children extended
it and it got to go into a project we got to
try something new they led this and we got to
see where it goes oh the other thing offering
versus directing this this will take some philosophical
shifting If you're in old school preschool days,
which you really shouldn't be, but if you are
and you're saying, everyone come to the carpet.
We're doing this together. And then you try that
with school majors. It's not going to, it's not
going to be interested. It's not going to go
over. Well, school language is I set up a challenge
at the table. If anyone's interested, I'm curious
what you've built with this. Let me see what
you're doing. Offering communicates respect.
Directing communicates control. And here's something.
a bit uncomfy. If we felt anxious when they don't
comply, that's about our need for control, not
their need for growth. So sorry. That's big because
autonomy supportive environments again backed
by this self -determination research. I'm not
just yelling I have a point produces higher intrinsic
motivation better problem -solving and stronger
long -term engagement Compliance produces what?
Short -term order, we don't want that. We want
autonomy. We want children to make choices and
be free to pick on what they want to do, to choose
their activities, to follow their interests and
their leads and make a safe place for them to
do that. So, I know what you're thinking. What
am I supposed to do all day then? Ah! the existential
crisis portion of the episode. If you're not
directing, if you're not leading group time,
if you're not planning, quote unquote, crafts,
if you're not helping tying shoes, what's your
role? Well, here's the shift and here's what
my favorite part is. You now move from the performer
to the architect. You design the environments.
You observe the group dynamics. You coach social
problem solving. You scaffold executive functioning.
And then you help them reflect on that. School
-age educators are mentors, not cruise directors.
You're building conditions where the children
get to practice no negotiation. They handle boredom.
They resolve conflict. They manage frustration.
They initiate ideas. That is the complex developmental
work. It's just quieter than you're used to.
Children are taking what they're learning in
our programs and they're going out and being
incredible humans. They're being kind. They're
being confident. They take risks. They get messy.
They make mistakes. And they learn from them
because you provide them a safe place to do that.
And they think it's okay because it is okay.
And that's what you want. Now let's get a little
practical because autonomy does not mean chaos.
It means a structured freedom. And this is how
that works. First, plan in layers. You don't
want to overwhelm yourself or the schoolagers.
Always have open -ended materials available.
Add optional invitations. Create long -term project
options. Not everything has to be an event, but
base these invitations off what you've noticed
in the classroom. Two, soft launch ideas. You
don't have to announce everything like it's an
assembly. Just set it up and let curiosity do
its work. Let them explore. Let them see how
to use the materials you've brought for them.
Next, build from their interest if they're obsessed
with pokemon use it are people still obsessed
with pokemon they must be i i feel like i've
been out of practice i'm not out of practice
probability games card designs character writing
tournament brackets budget math for trading you're
not chasing these trends you're leveraging them
for motivation when i was in the school age program
uh last year we we're super excited about fortnight
whether or not it was developmentally appropriate
for them to be playing fortnight at home not
my problem their families but i knew they were
interested so we ended up making our own fortnight
characters and designed a battlefield for them
to battle royale now it only lasted about a week
well i shouldn't say only it lasted about a week
which was incredible and it could have gone further
We could have made it into a 3D model. We could
have made their characters into 3D models. We
could have used a kiln or air -drying clay and
then painted them and then battled. Throw on
some Beyblades and you have yourself a date.
Last and possibly most important thing that you
can do to help plan without control is redefine
what success is to you. Instead of looking at
it as how many participated, think about who
went deep within. Think about what social skills
were emerging. Think about what conflicts were
navigated and who invited who to play. There's
growth that lives here. You just have to be able
to find it. Open your eyes and see it. It might
not look like it did in preschool, but it's there
now. The emotional truth. Let's get emotional.
emotional. Okay, sorry. Here's what's really
happening underneath all of this. In preschool
or in college and university when you were learning,
you felt needed. In school age, you have to be
intentional. An intentional impact doesn't always
feel emotionally loud, but don't confuse the
quiet for unimportant because when a nine -year
-old comes to you for advice instead of tattling,
that's growth. And when a group negotiates rules
without you stepping in, that's development.
When they reject your activity, but later borrow
materials to adapt it, that's autonomy. They
might not need you to open their yogurt anymore,
but they need you to help them become people.
And that is so much bigger. If you're in this
transition right now and you're thinking, I miss
being needed, I get it. I'm not telling you your
feelings are wrong because they're not. It is
a hard adjustment, but here's how you can reframe
that. They don't need you the way the preschoolers
did. They need you in a way that prepares them
for the rest of their lives. Question isn't why
don't they want my activity? The question is,
am I creating a space where autonomy, competence
and belonging and curiosity can grow? Because
when those needs are met, you won't have to chase
engagement. It'll show up on its own. Thank you
so, so much for listening. If you have any questions
or comments about today's episode, please feel
free to reach out. And if you're feeling this
emotional tug, I would be happy to chat with
you about it. Have a wonderful day and until
next time, happy learning. I forgotten ECE listeners.
Before we wrap up, I need to tell you about something
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Let's elevate your camp and let's elevate your
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happy learning!