WEBVTT 00:00:08.460 --> 00:00:12.240 Welcome to the Forgotten ECE, the show where 00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:14.640 before and after school educators, summer camp 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:18.079 and PD staff and CYWs have a place where they 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:21.219 are seen, heard and valued. I'm your host, Jamie 00:00:21.219 --> 00:00:32.820 Wagler, and I'm so excited you're here. Hello, 00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:37.200 everyone. It's me, Jamie, and welcome back to 00:00:37.200 --> 00:00:41.340 the Forgotten ECE. This episode is the second 00:00:41.340 --> 00:00:43.640 part of the miniseries, Families at the Edges. 00:00:43.759 --> 00:00:46.740 And if you were listening last week, we talked 00:00:46.740 --> 00:00:49.359 about the end of the day conversations that we 00:00:49.359 --> 00:00:52.179 have with families. And today is about that morning 00:00:52.179 --> 00:00:56.020 drop off energy. We are unpacking these moments 00:00:56.020 --> 00:00:58.299 that happen at the margins of the day. Those 00:00:58.299 --> 00:01:00.320 quick, powerful interactions that define the 00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:02.640 relationships with families. I'm excited to flip 00:01:02.640 --> 00:01:04.840 to the other side of the day today and talk about 00:01:04.840 --> 00:01:08.599 morning drop -off. I want to go deeper than surface 00:01:08.599 --> 00:01:11.680 level greet families warmly advice that we always 00:01:11.680 --> 00:01:14.040 get. Because this moment, the one where children 00:01:14.040 --> 00:01:17.219 cross that threshold into your care in the morning, 00:01:17.260 --> 00:01:20.379 is where attachment, regulation, and belongings 00:01:20.379 --> 00:01:24.019 start. Thanks for joining me today. When a child 00:01:24.019 --> 00:01:26.939 walks through your door in the morning, they're 00:01:26.939 --> 00:01:30.239 doing more than entering a room. They're crossing 00:01:30.239 --> 00:01:35.680 a psychological threshold. They're shifting from 00:01:35.680 --> 00:01:38.459 the safety of their home into a shared environment, 00:01:38.680 --> 00:01:42.060 from family to community. And for many kids, 00:01:42.099 --> 00:01:44.359 that transition brings uncertainty, separation 00:01:44.359 --> 00:01:46.680 anxiety, especially when the program is new, 00:01:46.819 --> 00:01:50.700 or emotional spillover from whatever. that morning 00:01:50.700 --> 00:01:54.840 or that evening held. Attachment theory tells 00:01:54.840 --> 00:01:59.459 us that children regulate best when the experience 00:01:59.459 --> 00:02:02.620 is secure and those secure -based transitions 00:02:02.620 --> 00:02:05.099 happen. Those are the predictable, emotionally 00:02:05.099 --> 00:02:08.520 safe handoffs between caregivers to educators. 00:02:08.860 --> 00:02:11.419 And in before and after school care, that is 00:02:11.419 --> 00:02:14.159 us. The parents hand their children to us, the 00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:15.539 families hand their children to us, and then 00:02:15.539 --> 00:02:17.460 we are the ones that bring them to their teachers. 00:02:18.110 --> 00:02:21.030 A calm, attuned educator at drop -off doesn't 00:02:21.030 --> 00:02:24.330 just welcome a child. They stabilize them. They 00:02:24.330 --> 00:02:26.930 communicate without words. You're safe. You're 00:02:26.930 --> 00:02:30.189 seen. And I can handle whatever you bring in 00:02:30.189 --> 00:02:32.849 with you. That's emotional containment. A core 00:02:32.849 --> 00:02:35.550 part of a trauma -informed practice and early 00:02:35.550 --> 00:02:37.909 learning professionalism. And when we greet children 00:02:37.909 --> 00:02:40.889 with presence, that is eye contact. That is warm. 00:02:41.050 --> 00:02:43.990 That is your gentle tone. We're co -regulating 00:02:43.990 --> 00:02:46.889 it in real time. And you know, if you've listened 00:02:46.889 --> 00:02:49.389 to me before, I am all about co -regulation. 00:02:49.490 --> 00:02:54.969 It's not just soft. It's neuroscience coming 00:02:54.969 --> 00:02:59.729 at you in real time. Drop -off is information 00:02:59.729 --> 00:03:04.490 rich. Those first few minutes tell us everything 00:03:04.490 --> 00:03:07.430 we need to know about the child's day if we're 00:03:07.430 --> 00:03:09.800 paying attention carefully. to the situation. 00:03:10.000 --> 00:03:14.120 As educators, our role is part observer and part 00:03:14.120 --> 00:03:16.960 interpreter. How does a child enter the space? 00:03:17.379 --> 00:03:19.979 Do they cling? Do they run? Do they hide? Or 00:03:19.979 --> 00:03:22.620 do they smile? Are they excited to come in? Or 00:03:22.620 --> 00:03:25.060 are they held back a little nervous? What's their 00:03:25.060 --> 00:03:28.180 body language saying? And what's the family's 00:03:28.180 --> 00:03:30.319 tone like? Are they stressed? Are they distracted? 00:03:30.680 --> 00:03:33.000 Are they overcompensating? This is not a judgment. 00:03:33.060 --> 00:03:35.840 I want to be very clear that you are not judging 00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:38.340 in this moment. It's professional curiosity. 00:03:38.409 --> 00:03:40.810 And the College of ECE Standards of Practice 00:03:40.810 --> 00:03:43.449 calls this responsive relationships grounded 00:03:43.449 --> 00:03:46.870 in observation and reflection. The key is to 00:03:46.870 --> 00:03:49.509 notice patterns without taking ownership of them. 00:03:49.870 --> 00:03:53.289 If a child consistently arrives dysregulated, 00:03:53.389 --> 00:03:55.830 it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. 00:03:55.969 --> 00:03:58.110 It means the morning environment may need some 00:03:58.110 --> 00:04:01.610 scaffolding, maybe a predictable ritual, a quiet 00:04:01.610 --> 00:04:05.050 activity, or even a soft check -in routine. That's 00:04:05.050 --> 00:04:08.430 the work of reflective practitioners. We don't 00:04:08.430 --> 00:04:11.530 just react. We interpret and we respond intentionally. 00:04:11.909 --> 00:04:15.409 There is power in your language and tone, and 00:04:15.409 --> 00:04:18.949 we often underestimate how much our words shape, 00:04:19.149 --> 00:04:22.449 emotional safety. A rushed hi there feels different 00:04:22.449 --> 00:04:26.069 from a grounded gentle good morning. I'm so happy 00:04:26.069 --> 00:04:28.889 to see you. Both just takes two seconds. But 00:04:28.889 --> 00:04:31.389 one builds connection and the other just ticks 00:04:31.389 --> 00:04:34.829 this box of to -dos. When we greet families, 00:04:34.930 --> 00:04:38.290 we're not just exchanging pleasantries. We're 00:04:38.290 --> 00:04:41.930 signaling a partnership. And here's what that 00:04:41.930 --> 00:04:44.370 can sound like in practice. Morning, Alex. I 00:04:44.370 --> 00:04:47.410 know the mornings can be a juggle. We'll make 00:04:47.410 --> 00:04:50.589 sure Maya has a calm start today. Good morning, 00:04:50.810 --> 00:04:53.829 Jason. Leah mentioned he wanted to finish that 00:04:53.829 --> 00:04:57.329 Lego tower and it is waiting for him. Hey, Sarah. 00:04:57.430 --> 00:04:59.430 I noticed Alice seemed tired yesterday. How's 00:04:59.430 --> 00:05:01.569 she feeling today? Did she sleep okay? Those 00:05:01.569 --> 00:05:06.620 small intentional moments may... Say, I know 00:05:06.620 --> 00:05:09.060 your child, I'm invested, and we're a team in 00:05:09.060 --> 00:05:11.360 this. The College of ECE's Code of Ethics also 00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:14.819 calls this reciprocal conversation or communication. 00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:17.920 Not a one -way update, but mutual respect and 00:05:17.920 --> 00:05:21.680 understanding. It's also a powerful counter to 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:23.360 the stigma that before and after school care 00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:26.220 is just supervision. You still can't see the 00:05:26.220 --> 00:05:28.620 air quotes, but it's there. I hope you can tell 00:05:28.620 --> 00:05:31.800 by my voice. I got to get the idea. You'd think 00:05:31.800 --> 00:05:34.040 I would already have it. That no one can see 00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:35.879 me talking and moving my hands. But if there 00:05:35.879 --> 00:05:38.120 was a video, you would see me moving my hands 00:05:38.120 --> 00:05:41.079 a lot. Okay, sorry. Back on track. When parents 00:05:41.079 --> 00:05:44.379 see educators leading with empathy, professionalism, 00:05:44.379 --> 00:05:47.779 and consistency, they begin to view this work 00:05:47.779 --> 00:05:52.000 as a complex relational practice. And it truly 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:54.079 is that. All right, I'm going to be honest with 00:05:54.079 --> 00:05:57.430 you. Obviously, not every drop off is picture 00:05:57.430 --> 00:06:00.149 perfect. Sometimes you have that parent or family 00:06:00.149 --> 00:06:03.389 member running late, a child crying, and three 00:06:03.389 --> 00:06:05.850 others needing attention before you even get 00:06:05.850 --> 00:06:07.970 your jacket off or before the child that's coming 00:06:07.970 --> 00:06:10.189 in even gets her jacket off. Don't forget everyone 00:06:10.189 --> 00:06:12.990 is hungry, always. Those are the moments that 00:06:12.990 --> 00:06:16.730 test our professionalism and our humanity. When 00:06:16.730 --> 00:06:18.730 a child melts down, the easiest thing to do is 00:06:18.730 --> 00:06:21.589 try and fix it quickly. But often what they need 00:06:21.589 --> 00:06:24.540 is not fixing. It is that good old cold. regulation. 00:06:24.600 --> 00:06:28.160 Instead of saying, you're okay, don't cry, try 00:06:28.160 --> 00:06:30.839 saying something like, I can see you're feeling 00:06:30.839 --> 00:06:33.740 sad that mom's leaving. That's really hard. Let's 00:06:33.740 --> 00:06:35.860 take a big breath together. Not only does this 00:06:35.860 --> 00:06:38.420 validate the emotions without reinforcing the 00:06:38.420 --> 00:06:41.199 distress, it communicates to the family member, 00:06:41.339 --> 00:06:43.939 especially those struggling with guilt and anxiety, 00:06:44.120 --> 00:06:46.639 that their child's feelings are safe with you. 00:06:47.000 --> 00:06:49.259 And for families, mornings can carry their own 00:06:49.259 --> 00:06:51.480 emotional load. They might be heading to work 00:06:51.480 --> 00:06:54.459 stressed, feeling judged, or just trying to hold 00:06:54.459 --> 00:06:56.459 it together themselves. You don't know what their 00:06:56.459 --> 00:06:58.240 morning held. You don't know what their night 00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:01.540 consisted of. Your calm presence can ease that 00:07:01.540 --> 00:07:03.279 guilt. And sometimes just saying you're doing 00:07:03.279 --> 00:07:05.839 a great job and we've got it from here can change 00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:08.939 their entire day. This is not an extra kindness. 00:07:09.060 --> 00:07:12.360 It's relational professionalism. These are the 00:07:12.360 --> 00:07:16.300 soft skills that we have as educators. And you 00:07:16.300 --> 00:07:19.060 guessed it, there's science behind them. I want 00:07:19.060 --> 00:07:21.160 to just ground you in this research for a moment 00:07:21.160 --> 00:07:23.980 because early childhood education isn't intuition 00:07:23.980 --> 00:07:26.720 alone. There's actually a lot of evidence -based 00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:29.720 practice. So there's neuroscience to regulation. 00:07:29.879 --> 00:07:33.259 When children enter an environment where adults 00:07:33.259 --> 00:07:36.459 model a calm tone, predictable routines, and 00:07:36.459 --> 00:07:39.519 a gentle presence, their amygdala That's the 00:07:39.519 --> 00:07:42.740 brain's threat detector. It relaxes. That opens 00:07:42.740 --> 00:07:44.379 the door for learning and play. And according 00:07:44.379 --> 00:07:46.879 to attachment theory, secure transitions build 00:07:46.879 --> 00:07:49.779 an internal trust, a child's belief that they 00:07:49.779 --> 00:07:52.660 can move between caregivers without a fear of 00:07:52.660 --> 00:07:55.160 abandonment. And then we can talk about trauma 00:07:55.160 --> 00:07:57.819 -enforced practice because predictability and 00:07:57.819 --> 00:08:00.699 attunement are protective factors that reduce 00:08:00.699 --> 00:08:04.279 stress responses in children with adverse experiences. 00:08:04.540 --> 00:08:07.319 And we don't always know what experiences children 00:08:07.319 --> 00:08:09.500 come to our table. with. And then good old family 00:08:09.500 --> 00:08:12.360 structures theory talks about the family or the 00:08:12.360 --> 00:08:14.379 caregiver's stress and the children's regulation 00:08:14.379 --> 00:08:17.680 and how they're interconnected. When one is calm, 00:08:17.879 --> 00:08:21.639 the other follows. We're not just greeting families 00:08:21.639 --> 00:08:25.579 in this moment. We're enacting decades of developmental 00:08:25.579 --> 00:08:29.240 theory in under five minutes. And that is skill, 00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:32.820 not just a happenstance. All right, so as I've 00:08:32.820 --> 00:08:35.299 talked a little bit about, there is this wonderfulness 00:08:35.299 --> 00:08:37.620 in structure, but creating structure doesn't 00:08:37.620 --> 00:08:42.820 have to be rigid. It means safety through rhythm. 00:08:43.139 --> 00:08:47.000 So here's a practical list of real world ways 00:08:47.000 --> 00:08:49.600 to make drop -offs more intentional because I 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:51.440 want you to walk away with these tools. First, 00:08:51.519 --> 00:08:55.059 consistent welcome routine. A child greets the 00:08:55.059 --> 00:08:57.639 same educator each day with a small ritual. That 00:08:57.639 --> 00:09:00.120 could be a high five, a hug, a wave, a checking 00:09:00.120 --> 00:09:04.690 card. Predictability breeds trust. If that educator 00:09:04.690 --> 00:09:06.870 is not going to be there, try to send a message 00:09:06.870 --> 00:09:08.970 to families or get the supervisor to send a message 00:09:08.970 --> 00:09:11.350 to families saying, hey, so -and -so's off today. 00:09:11.789 --> 00:09:14.389 Johnny is coming in to teach this morning. And 00:09:14.389 --> 00:09:16.309 that gives their children a heads up that there's 00:09:16.309 --> 00:09:19.190 a shift in that predictability. Then think of 00:09:19.190 --> 00:09:22.529 arrival anchor activities. Have one calm independent 00:09:22.529 --> 00:09:25.149 activity ready like drawing or reading or sensory 00:09:25.149 --> 00:09:27.470 play. This bridges the gap between separation 00:09:27.470 --> 00:09:29.750 and engagement and gives the children something 00:09:29.750 --> 00:09:32.269 to look forward to as they arrive. I also suggest 00:09:32.269 --> 00:09:34.710 emotional check -in boards like a simple chart 00:09:34.710 --> 00:09:37.090 with how are you feeling today. These can be 00:09:37.090 --> 00:09:41.049 faces that let the kids name their emotion and 00:09:41.049 --> 00:09:43.549 it also helps you as the educator track the trends. 00:09:43.789 --> 00:09:47.149 If it's possible, have one educator focus solely 00:09:47.149 --> 00:09:49.470 on greeting and the other managing the room. 00:09:49.769 --> 00:09:52.490 It communicates that relationships are the priority, 00:09:52.570 --> 00:09:55.990 not just logistics. That's if you're in a partner 00:09:55.990 --> 00:09:57.730 team. If you're not in a partner team, good luck 00:09:57.730 --> 00:09:59.509 to you. No, I'm just kidding. But if you're not 00:09:59.509 --> 00:10:01.950 in a partner team, obviously you're trying to 00:10:01.950 --> 00:10:04.309 do both at the same time and do the best that 00:10:04.309 --> 00:10:08.250 you can. Then lastly, a caregiver ritual. Encourage 00:10:08.250 --> 00:10:11.289 the parents right from that first day to develop 00:10:11.289 --> 00:10:14.049 goodbye cues. A special wave, a phrase, or a 00:10:14.049 --> 00:10:17.490 hand signal that creates consistency. with their 00:10:17.490 --> 00:10:21.269 child. I love it when families do the I love 00:10:21.269 --> 00:10:22.970 you in sign language, which you can't see because 00:10:22.970 --> 00:10:24.929 we're on the speaker, like I already said. Okay. 00:10:25.090 --> 00:10:27.470 But it means I love you in sign language. Look 00:10:27.470 --> 00:10:29.799 it up. It's great. Or I encourage them to have 00:10:29.799 --> 00:10:32.179 a special handshake. There's a window in the 00:10:32.179 --> 00:10:35.759 room that we're in. So some of it includes having 00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:39.039 a child say goodbye at the door, hug, kiss, and 00:10:39.039 --> 00:10:41.179 then see if they could beat their family to the 00:10:41.179 --> 00:10:43.759 window. And as their caregiver goes to the outside 00:10:43.759 --> 00:10:45.600 window, the child goes to the inside window, 00:10:45.700 --> 00:10:48.679 and they wave goodbye. These small rituals turn 00:10:48.679 --> 00:10:50.820 what feels like chaos into a beautiful dance 00:10:50.820 --> 00:10:54.490 of care. Ruff! Reflection, because you know I 00:10:54.490 --> 00:10:58.549 like reflection. Reflection transforms routines 00:10:58.549 --> 00:11:01.809 into learning. So ask yourself or ask your team, 00:11:01.909 --> 00:11:04.889 how do I feel during drop -off? What might that 00:11:04.889 --> 00:11:07.950 tell me about my regulation? Which children or 00:11:07.950 --> 00:11:10.549 families need more intentional connection in 00:11:10.549 --> 00:11:12.830 the morning? Do our morning routines reflect 00:11:12.830 --> 00:11:15.610 our program philosophy, the belonging, well -being, 00:11:15.629 --> 00:11:18.679 expression, engagement? This professional reflection 00:11:18.679 --> 00:11:22.059 isn't self -criticism. It's growth through awareness. 00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:25.259 And the more we are aware, the better we model 00:11:25.259 --> 00:11:27.779 it for children. So here's what I want you to 00:11:27.779 --> 00:11:31.019 remember the next time you're in morning care. 00:11:31.200 --> 00:11:35.139 When the first family walks in, you are not just 00:11:35.139 --> 00:11:37.620 managing arrival. You are managing emotions, 00:11:37.980 --> 00:11:42.049 energy, and safety. You're setting the stage. 00:11:42.129 --> 00:11:44.730 You're shaping how a child feels about the day 00:11:44.730 --> 00:11:48.029 before the day even begins. You're offering families 00:11:48.029 --> 00:11:53.250 reassurance that they can exhale and trust. And 00:11:53.250 --> 00:11:55.250 you're reminding yourself that even in the smallest 00:11:55.250 --> 00:11:58.450 moments, your professionalism shows through the 00:11:58.450 --> 00:12:01.570 tone you set. Drop -offs aren't about perfection. 00:12:02.360 --> 00:12:05.440 They're about presence. Because when we begin 00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:08.639 the day with calm connection, we don't just start 00:12:08.639 --> 00:12:12.220 strong, we lead strong. Thank you so much for 00:12:12.220 --> 00:12:14.419 spending time with me today. If this episode 00:12:14.419 --> 00:12:16.960 resonates with you, I would love to hear from 00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:20.059 you. Comment, share, share with your team, talk 00:12:20.059 --> 00:12:22.659 about it at your next staff meeting. Reflect 00:12:22.659 --> 00:12:25.940 together on what drop -off really means in your 00:12:25.940 --> 00:12:29.159 space and how you can make it feel safe, steady, 00:12:29.279 --> 00:12:31.870 and human. Because that's what school is. care 00:12:31.870 --> 00:12:34.350 is all about people not just programs and until 00:12:34.350 --> 00:12:36.710 next time please keep showing up keep leading 00:12:36.710 --> 00:12:40.269 with love and remember you my friend are not 00:12:40.269 --> 00:12:49.129 forgotten thank you amazing listeners for your 00:12:49.129 --> 00:12:51.389 support don't forget to follow me on instagram 00:12:51.389 --> 00:12:54.730 at miss jamie underscore r -e -c -e Give a star 00:12:54.730 --> 00:12:57.149 rating and leave a review. Have something you 00:12:57.149 --> 00:12:59.309 want to hear about in relation to before and 00:12:59.309 --> 00:13:01.309 after school programs or full day summer camp? 00:13:01.490 --> 00:13:04.570 DM me or comment. Again, thank you so much and 00:13:04.570 --> 00:13:05.350 happy learning.