Welcome to the Forgotten ECE, the show where
before and after school educators, summer camp
and PD staff and CYWs have a place where they
are seen, heard and valued. I'm your host, Jamie
Wagler, and I'm so excited you're here. Hello,
everyone. It's me, Jamie, and welcome back to
the Forgotten ECE. This episode is the second
part of the miniseries, Families at the Edges.
And if you were listening last week, we talked
about the end of the day conversations that we
have with families. And today is about that morning
drop off energy. We are unpacking these moments
that happen at the margins of the day. Those
quick, powerful interactions that define the
relationships with families. I'm excited to flip
to the other side of the day today and talk about
morning drop -off. I want to go deeper than surface
level greet families warmly advice that we always
get. Because this moment, the one where children
cross that threshold into your care in the morning,
is where attachment, regulation, and belongings
start. Thanks for joining me today. When a child
walks through your door in the morning, they're
doing more than entering a room. They're crossing
a psychological threshold. They're shifting from
the safety of their home into a shared environment,
from family to community. And for many kids,
that transition brings uncertainty, separation
anxiety, especially when the program is new,
or emotional spillover from whatever. that morning
or that evening held. Attachment theory tells
us that children regulate best when the experience
is secure and those secure -based transitions
happen. Those are the predictable, emotionally
safe handoffs between caregivers to educators.
And in before and after school care, that is
us. The parents hand their children to us, the
families hand their children to us, and then
we are the ones that bring them to their teachers.
A calm, attuned educator at drop -off doesn't
just welcome a child. They stabilize them. They
communicate without words. You're safe. You're
seen. And I can handle whatever you bring in
with you. That's emotional containment. A core
part of a trauma -informed practice and early
learning professionalism. And when we greet children
with presence, that is eye contact. That is warm.
That is your gentle tone. We're co -regulating
it in real time. And you know, if you've listened
to me before, I am all about co -regulation.
It's not just soft. It's neuroscience coming
at you in real time. Drop -off is information
rich. Those first few minutes tell us everything
we need to know about the child's day if we're
paying attention carefully. to the situation.
As educators, our role is part observer and part
interpreter. How does a child enter the space?
Do they cling? Do they run? Do they hide? Or
do they smile? Are they excited to come in? Or
are they held back a little nervous? What's their
body language saying? And what's the family's
tone like? Are they stressed? Are they distracted?
Are they overcompensating? This is not a judgment.
I want to be very clear that you are not judging
in this moment. It's professional curiosity.
And the College of ECE Standards of Practice
calls this responsive relationships grounded
in observation and reflection. The key is to
notice patterns without taking ownership of them.
If a child consistently arrives dysregulated,
it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.
It means the morning environment may need some
scaffolding, maybe a predictable ritual, a quiet
activity, or even a soft check -in routine. That's
the work of reflective practitioners. We don't
just react. We interpret and we respond intentionally.
There is power in your language and tone, and
we often underestimate how much our words shape,
emotional safety. A rushed hi there feels different
from a grounded gentle good morning. I'm so happy
to see you. Both just takes two seconds. But
one builds connection and the other just ticks
this box of to -dos. When we greet families,
we're not just exchanging pleasantries. We're
signaling a partnership. And here's what that
can sound like in practice. Morning, Alex. I
know the mornings can be a juggle. We'll make
sure Maya has a calm start today. Good morning,
Jason. Leah mentioned he wanted to finish that
Lego tower and it is waiting for him. Hey, Sarah.
I noticed Alice seemed tired yesterday. How's
she feeling today? Did she sleep okay? Those
small intentional moments may... Say, I know
your child, I'm invested, and we're a team in
this. The College of ECE's Code of Ethics also
calls this reciprocal conversation or communication.
Not a one -way update, but mutual respect and
understanding. It's also a powerful counter to
the stigma that before and after school care
is just supervision. You still can't see the
air quotes, but it's there. I hope you can tell
by my voice. I got to get the idea. You'd think
I would already have it. That no one can see
me talking and moving my hands. But if there
was a video, you would see me moving my hands
a lot. Okay, sorry. Back on track. When parents
see educators leading with empathy, professionalism,
and consistency, they begin to view this work
as a complex relational practice. And it truly
is that. All right, I'm going to be honest with
you. Obviously, not every drop off is picture
perfect. Sometimes you have that parent or family
member running late, a child crying, and three
others needing attention before you even get
your jacket off or before the child that's coming
in even gets her jacket off. Don't forget everyone
is hungry, always. Those are the moments that
test our professionalism and our humanity. When
a child melts down, the easiest thing to do is
try and fix it quickly. But often what they need
is not fixing. It is that good old cold. regulation.
Instead of saying, you're okay, don't cry, try
saying something like, I can see you're feeling
sad that mom's leaving. That's really hard. Let's
take a big breath together. Not only does this
validate the emotions without reinforcing the
distress, it communicates to the family member,
especially those struggling with guilt and anxiety,
that their child's feelings are safe with you.
And for families, mornings can carry their own
emotional load. They might be heading to work
stressed, feeling judged, or just trying to hold
it together themselves. You don't know what their
morning held. You don't know what their night
consisted of. Your calm presence can ease that
guilt. And sometimes just saying you're doing
a great job and we've got it from here can change
their entire day. This is not an extra kindness.
It's relational professionalism. These are the
soft skills that we have as educators. And you
guessed it, there's science behind them. I want
to just ground you in this research for a moment
because early childhood education isn't intuition
alone. There's actually a lot of evidence -based
practice. So there's neuroscience to regulation.
When children enter an environment where adults
model a calm tone, predictable routines, and
a gentle presence, their amygdala That's the
brain's threat detector. It relaxes. That opens
the door for learning and play. And according
to attachment theory, secure transitions build
an internal trust, a child's belief that they
can move between caregivers without a fear of
abandonment. And then we can talk about trauma
-enforced practice because predictability and
attunement are protective factors that reduce
stress responses in children with adverse experiences.
And we don't always know what experiences children
come to our table. with. And then good old family
structures theory talks about the family or the
caregiver's stress and the children's regulation
and how they're interconnected. When one is calm,
the other follows. We're not just greeting families
in this moment. We're enacting decades of developmental
theory in under five minutes. And that is skill,
not just a happenstance. All right, so as I've
talked a little bit about, there is this wonderfulness
in structure, but creating structure doesn't
have to be rigid. It means safety through rhythm.
So here's a practical list of real world ways
to make drop -offs more intentional because I
want you to walk away with these tools. First,
consistent welcome routine. A child greets the
same educator each day with a small ritual. That
could be a high five, a hug, a wave, a checking
card. Predictability breeds trust. If that educator
is not going to be there, try to send a message
to families or get the supervisor to send a message
to families saying, hey, so -and -so's off today.
Johnny is coming in to teach this morning. And
that gives their children a heads up that there's
a shift in that predictability. Then think of
arrival anchor activities. Have one calm independent
activity ready like drawing or reading or sensory
play. This bridges the gap between separation
and engagement and gives the children something
to look forward to as they arrive. I also suggest
emotional check -in boards like a simple chart
with how are you feeling today. These can be
faces that let the kids name their emotion and
it also helps you as the educator track the trends.
If it's possible, have one educator focus solely
on greeting and the other managing the room.
It communicates that relationships are the priority,
not just logistics. That's if you're in a partner
team. If you're not in a partner team, good luck
to you. No, I'm just kidding. But if you're not
in a partner team, obviously you're trying to
do both at the same time and do the best that
you can. Then lastly, a caregiver ritual. Encourage
the parents right from that first day to develop
goodbye cues. A special wave, a phrase, or a
hand signal that creates consistency. with their
child. I love it when families do the I love
you in sign language, which you can't see because
we're on the speaker, like I already said. Okay.
But it means I love you in sign language. Look
it up. It's great. Or I encourage them to have
a special handshake. There's a window in the
room that we're in. So some of it includes having
a child say goodbye at the door, hug, kiss, and
then see if they could beat their family to the
window. And as their caregiver goes to the outside
window, the child goes to the inside window,
and they wave goodbye. These small rituals turn
what feels like chaos into a beautiful dance
of care. Ruff! Reflection, because you know I
like reflection. Reflection transforms routines
into learning. So ask yourself or ask your team,
how do I feel during drop -off? What might that
tell me about my regulation? Which children or
families need more intentional connection in
the morning? Do our morning routines reflect
our program philosophy, the belonging, well -being,
expression, engagement? This professional reflection
isn't self -criticism. It's growth through awareness.
And the more we are aware, the better we model
it for children. So here's what I want you to
remember the next time you're in morning care.
When the first family walks in, you are not just
managing arrival. You are managing emotions,
energy, and safety. You're setting the stage.
You're shaping how a child feels about the day
before the day even begins. You're offering families
reassurance that they can exhale and trust. And
you're reminding yourself that even in the smallest
moments, your professionalism shows through the
tone you set. Drop -offs aren't about perfection.
They're about presence. Because when we begin
the day with calm connection, we don't just start
strong, we lead strong. Thank you so much for
spending time with me today. If this episode
resonates with you, I would love to hear from
you. Comment, share, share with your team, talk
about it at your next staff meeting. Reflect
together on what drop -off really means in your
space and how you can make it feel safe, steady,
and human. Because that's what school is. care
is all about people not just programs and until
next time please keep showing up keep leading
with love and remember you my friend are not
forgotten thank you amazing listeners for your
support don't forget to follow me on instagram
at miss jamie underscore r -e -c -e Give a star
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DM me or comment. Again, thank you so much and
happy learning.