Welcome to the Forgotten ECE, the show where
before and after school educators, summer camp
and PD staff and CYWs have a place where they
are seen, heard and valued. I'm your host, Jamie
Wankler, and I'm so excited you're here. Ah,
hello, it's me. Jamie and welcome back to the
Forgotten ECE. I am so happy that you're here
today. I want to talk to you about something.
I can't talk though. I want to talk to you about
something that happens in every before and after
school program. every single day, but rarely
gets the professional respect it deserves. Hard
to believe. It's not curriculum planning or licensing
or pedagogy. It's that three -minute conversation
we have with families at pickup. That tiny window.
time between finding backpacks and saying goodbye
carries more weight than most people realize.
It's when relationships are built, trust is strengthened,
and professionalism is revealed. And yet, it's
also one of the most emotionally demanding parts
of our role and the easiest to not contribute
to. Join me today in before and after care or
school -age care. We often get the edges of a
family's day, early mornings and late afternoons,
where the first hello and the last goodbye. And
a lot of people will fall back on the idea that
we don't have time or the families don't have
time to talk to us. But that three -minute window
at pickup is the only daily face -to -face connection
we might have with a parent or guardian. And
according to How Does Learning Happen, for those
of you not in Ontario, that is our foundational
framework for early childhood education, our
Ontario's pedagogy. And the CECI Code of Ethics,
which is our code of ethics that are standards
of practice from the College of Early Childhood
Educators. Our partnerships with families are
reciprocal, built on mutual trust, respect, and
open communication. Pick up is where that theory
lives and breathes. And if you really think about
it, families don't always get to talk to the
teacher. And if they're in before and after school
care, you are darn tootin'. They are not talking
to the teacher. So this might be their only face
-to -face contact communication that they have
all day about their child's day. They rely on
you for that information. It's where parents
or guardians subconsciously assess, does my child
feel safe here? Does this educator truly know
my child? Am I a part of this community or am
I just a customer? And the answer often comes
not from what we say. but how we show up, our
tone, our presence, our professionalism. Are
we making the time to talk to these families?
Are we getting up from the table or the floor
to have a conversation with them? Are we inviting
them into the room or the gym or the hallway
or the library or the playground to open that
mode of communication with them? By the time
pickup rolls around, most of us have already
given everything we've got. We've managed transitions.
We've resolved conflicts. We've documented incidents
and supported co -regulation as well as filled
out the attendance. Don't forget the health check.
All while keeping kids engaged and safe. So when
that door opens and 10 parents walk in at once,
the expectation that we'll be warm, present,
and articulate just isn't realistic. It's actually
emotional labor. And emotional labor, as described
by sociologist Arlie Hochschild, is the effort,
sorry if I botched his name, is the effort it
takes to manage one's feelings to meet the emotional
expectation of a role. In childcare, it's a daily
reality. We don't just perform tasks, we perform
care. And that means regulating our own emotions
while holding space for others. At pickup, emotional
labor sounds like Calming a stressed parent while
staying grounded yourself. Sharing feedback about
a challenging day without triggering guilt. Being
kind when you're running on fumes. Holding space
for these families because their day could have
contained a whole lot of other emotional baggage
that we don't know about. That's professionalism.
Invisible, relational, and absolutely vital.
Families rarely remember every detail we share,
but they always always remember the feeling we
leave them with. When we say, they had a wonderful
time helping with the art project today, what
they hear is, you can trust that your child is
valued here. When we say, ooh, there was a hard
moment, but we worked through it beautifully,
they hear, you see my child as capable. And even
a quick, they were full of energy today, can
tell a parent, I notice your child, I'm tuned
in, and I care. That's what how does learning
happen means when it talks about belonging and
engagement. It's not just about children. Families
need to feel that they belong too. And sometimes
that gets forgotten when we're in before and
after school care. Pick up is often the only
space that we can prove that. I want to touch
on hard conversations in this episode because
sometimes pick up is where we have to deliver
this tough news. A behavior concern, a conflict,
or an injury report. In those moments, it's easy
to slip into compliance mode. You can't tell,
but I'm actually doing air quotes, compliance
mode. Get the message across, get the signature,
move on. But that approach can unintentionally
create defensiveness or shame. That approach
can unintentionally create defensiveness or shame.
Instead, we can use a trauma -informed and relationship
-based lens. One, lead with. Care. I want to
share something that came up today because I
know how much you value open communication. At
the same time, be factual and not emotional.
During outdoor play, Jamie had a disagreement
with a peer. We worked through it and both kids
ended the day and the situation calmly. And then
end with reassurance. Jamie showed great self
-control in how they resolved it. I was really
proud of them. The goal isn't to avoid hard truths.
It's to deliver them in a way that builds partnership,
not power imbalance. So I just want to go over
that again. Lead with care, be factual, not emotional,
and end with reassurance. These three minute
exchanges are so important. And I just picked
three minutes because really three minutes is
the perfect amount of time. I also thought that
I could give you some ideas or practical tips
for professional presence in this pickup zone
of time. Professional strategies that elevate
those exchanges. So the first is prepare before
the door open. Take a breath. Did you hear me?
I just did it. for a few quick notes and choose
one meaningful, positive thing to share about
each child. Two, use professional language. Replace
they were wild today with there was lots of energy
and we needed a few extra reminders about safe
play. This communicates skill, not frustration.
It is not a disservice that the children are
giving us if they're busy or quote unquote wild.
Then three, protect confidentiality. Pick up
can be noisy, but our tone and our phrase, Zink
should never expose another child's story. We're
not talking to Jamie's parent and saying Jamie
was awful today in front of Ryan's parent and
in front of Raelynn's parent. I mean, you would
never say it anyways, but you don't want this
confidentiality to be exposed. Four, acknowledge
the parent's humanity or the caregiver's humanity.
You look like it's been a day. It goes a long
way towards empathy and connection. Or how was
your day? I would love to hear about it. How
was work? Oh, I heard you had a meeting today.
How did that go? And then five, reflect after
they leave. What worked? What didn't? Because
I, if you've listened to other episodes, I'm
a huge believer in reflective practice. And this
turns daily chaos into professional growth. And
it'll help you understand how you can approach
a similar subject or this parent the next day.
All in all, family engagement isn't an add -on
because families are seen as partners. Families
are partners, not just as seen as. They are literal
partners in our practice. It's one of the foundations
of quality care. Every meaningful exchange builds
trust. Every calm, respectful pickup creates
psychological safety for families and for educators.
And when families trust us, they share more.
They collaborate more. They advocate with us
instead of against us. And that's how we share.
the culture of before and after school care from
being the extra part of a child's day to being
the essential bridge of a child's day. So tonight
or today or this afternoon or whenever you're
listening to this, when the rush begins and the
door swings open, take a breath. See that there
is a human standing in front of you, a family
member who's probably had their own chaotic day.
And remember that in those three minutes, you
hold the power to reinforce belonging, professionalism,
and community because those moments, quick as
they are, defined our field. They show the world
that school -age educators are not just caregivers.
We are communicators, we are connectors, and
we are leaders. Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you so much for joining me today in this
episode. If this episode made you rethink those
everyday pickup moments, share it with your team
or your supervisor because the work you're doing,
those three -minute connections that hold families
together, that's not small work. That's the heart
of it. This is a one -of -two -part series, so
look out next week for the second part. And until
next time, keep showing up, keep growing, and
remember, you are not forgotten. Thank you. Amazing
listeners for your support. Don't forget to follow
me on Instagram at Miss Jamie underscore R -E
-C -E. Give a star rating and leave a review.
Have something you want to hear about in relation
to before and after school programs or full day
summer camp? DM me or comment. Again, thank you
so much and happy learning.