WEBVTT 00:00:08.460 --> 00:00:12.240 Welcome to the Forgotten ECE, the show where 00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:14.640 before and after school educators, summer camp 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:18.079 and PD staff and CYWs have a place where they 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:21.219 are seen, heard and valued. I'm your host, Jamie 00:00:21.219 --> 00:00:33.020 Wankler, and I'm so excited you're here. Ah, 00:00:33.020 --> 00:00:36.920 hello, it's me. Jamie and welcome back to the 00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:40.920 Forgotten ECE. I am so happy that you're here 00:00:40.920 --> 00:00:44.719 today. I want to talk to you about something. 00:00:44.979 --> 00:00:47.899 I can't talk though. I want to talk to you about 00:00:47.899 --> 00:00:50.740 something that happens in every before and after 00:00:50.740 --> 00:00:54.799 school program. every single day, but rarely 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:57.740 gets the professional respect it deserves. Hard 00:00:57.740 --> 00:01:01.700 to believe. It's not curriculum planning or licensing 00:01:01.700 --> 00:01:05.019 or pedagogy. It's that three -minute conversation 00:01:05.019 --> 00:01:08.959 we have with families at pickup. That tiny window. 00:01:09.319 --> 00:01:11.500 time between finding backpacks and saying goodbye 00:01:11.500 --> 00:01:15.599 carries more weight than most people realize. 00:01:15.939 --> 00:01:19.480 It's when relationships are built, trust is strengthened, 00:01:19.560 --> 00:01:23.719 and professionalism is revealed. And yet, it's 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:25.780 also one of the most emotionally demanding parts 00:01:25.780 --> 00:01:29.340 of our role and the easiest to not contribute 00:01:29.340 --> 00:01:33.890 to. Join me today in before and after care or 00:01:33.890 --> 00:01:36.950 school -age care. We often get the edges of a 00:01:36.950 --> 00:01:40.049 family's day, early mornings and late afternoons, 00:01:40.049 --> 00:01:42.310 where the first hello and the last goodbye. And 00:01:42.310 --> 00:01:45.269 a lot of people will fall back on the idea that 00:01:45.269 --> 00:01:47.209 we don't have time or the families don't have 00:01:47.209 --> 00:01:49.290 time to talk to us. But that three -minute window 00:01:49.290 --> 00:01:51.950 at pickup is the only daily face -to -face connection 00:01:51.950 --> 00:01:54.319 we might have with a parent or guardian. And 00:01:54.319 --> 00:01:56.760 according to How Does Learning Happen, for those 00:01:56.760 --> 00:01:58.859 of you not in Ontario, that is our foundational 00:01:58.859 --> 00:02:01.540 framework for early childhood education, our 00:02:01.540 --> 00:02:05.879 Ontario's pedagogy. And the CECI Code of Ethics, 00:02:05.900 --> 00:02:08.599 which is our code of ethics that are standards 00:02:08.599 --> 00:02:10.500 of practice from the College of Early Childhood 00:02:10.500 --> 00:02:12.960 Educators. Our partnerships with families are 00:02:12.960 --> 00:02:16.340 reciprocal, built on mutual trust, respect, and 00:02:16.340 --> 00:02:18.759 open communication. Pick up is where that theory 00:02:18.759 --> 00:02:22.169 lives and breathes. And if you really think about 00:02:22.169 --> 00:02:24.270 it, families don't always get to talk to the 00:02:24.270 --> 00:02:25.969 teacher. And if they're in before and after school 00:02:25.969 --> 00:02:28.750 care, you are darn tootin'. They are not talking 00:02:28.750 --> 00:02:30.990 to the teacher. So this might be their only face 00:02:30.990 --> 00:02:34.050 -to -face contact communication that they have 00:02:34.050 --> 00:02:37.889 all day about their child's day. They rely on 00:02:37.889 --> 00:02:41.340 you for that information. It's where parents 00:02:41.340 --> 00:02:44.599 or guardians subconsciously assess, does my child 00:02:44.599 --> 00:02:47.020 feel safe here? Does this educator truly know 00:02:47.020 --> 00:02:49.780 my child? Am I a part of this community or am 00:02:49.780 --> 00:02:52.740 I just a customer? And the answer often comes 00:02:52.740 --> 00:02:56.240 not from what we say. but how we show up, our 00:02:56.240 --> 00:02:59.180 tone, our presence, our professionalism. Are 00:02:59.180 --> 00:03:01.400 we making the time to talk to these families? 00:03:01.599 --> 00:03:04.340 Are we getting up from the table or the floor 00:03:04.340 --> 00:03:06.840 to have a conversation with them? Are we inviting 00:03:06.840 --> 00:03:09.800 them into the room or the gym or the hallway 00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:13.500 or the library or the playground to open that 00:03:13.500 --> 00:03:16.620 mode of communication with them? By the time 00:03:16.620 --> 00:03:19.139 pickup rolls around, most of us have already 00:03:19.139 --> 00:03:22.400 given everything we've got. We've managed transitions. 00:03:22.580 --> 00:03:26.500 We've resolved conflicts. We've documented incidents 00:03:26.500 --> 00:03:29.500 and supported co -regulation as well as filled 00:03:29.500 --> 00:03:31.360 out the attendance. Don't forget the health check. 00:03:31.520 --> 00:03:34.939 All while keeping kids engaged and safe. So when 00:03:34.939 --> 00:03:38.300 that door opens and 10 parents walk in at once, 00:03:38.300 --> 00:03:41.060 the expectation that we'll be warm, present, 00:03:41.180 --> 00:03:44.979 and articulate just isn't realistic. It's actually 00:03:44.979 --> 00:03:48.030 emotional labor. And emotional labor, as described 00:03:48.030 --> 00:03:52.909 by sociologist Arlie Hochschild, is the effort, 00:03:53.050 --> 00:03:55.629 sorry if I botched his name, is the effort it 00:03:55.629 --> 00:03:59.469 takes to manage one's feelings to meet the emotional 00:03:59.469 --> 00:04:02.490 expectation of a role. In childcare, it's a daily 00:04:02.490 --> 00:04:06.629 reality. We don't just perform tasks, we perform 00:04:06.629 --> 00:04:10.650 care. And that means regulating our own emotions 00:04:10.650 --> 00:04:14.030 while holding space for others. At pickup, emotional 00:04:14.030 --> 00:04:17.060 labor sounds like Calming a stressed parent while 00:04:17.060 --> 00:04:19.620 staying grounded yourself. Sharing feedback about 00:04:19.620 --> 00:04:22.740 a challenging day without triggering guilt. Being 00:04:22.740 --> 00:04:26.839 kind when you're running on fumes. Holding space 00:04:26.839 --> 00:04:30.279 for these families because their day could have 00:04:30.279 --> 00:04:33.019 contained a whole lot of other emotional baggage 00:04:33.019 --> 00:04:35.680 that we don't know about. That's professionalism. 00:04:35.759 --> 00:04:39.220 Invisible, relational, and absolutely vital. 00:04:39.740 --> 00:04:42.920 Families rarely remember every detail we share, 00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:46.040 but they always always remember the feeling we 00:04:46.040 --> 00:04:49.220 leave them with. When we say, they had a wonderful 00:04:49.220 --> 00:04:52.139 time helping with the art project today, what 00:04:52.139 --> 00:04:54.040 they hear is, you can trust that your child is 00:04:54.040 --> 00:04:57.360 valued here. When we say, ooh, there was a hard 00:04:57.360 --> 00:04:59.000 moment, but we worked through it beautifully, 00:04:59.259 --> 00:05:03.319 they hear, you see my child as capable. And even 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:05.600 a quick, they were full of energy today, can 00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:08.019 tell a parent, I notice your child, I'm tuned 00:05:08.019 --> 00:05:11.339 in, and I care. That's what how does learning 00:05:11.339 --> 00:05:14.240 happen means when it talks about belonging and 00:05:14.240 --> 00:05:17.339 engagement. It's not just about children. Families 00:05:17.339 --> 00:05:20.740 need to feel that they belong too. And sometimes 00:05:20.740 --> 00:05:23.379 that gets forgotten when we're in before and 00:05:23.379 --> 00:05:26.439 after school care. Pick up is often the only 00:05:26.439 --> 00:05:29.300 space that we can prove that. I want to touch 00:05:29.300 --> 00:05:32.139 on hard conversations in this episode because 00:05:32.139 --> 00:05:34.060 sometimes pick up is where we have to deliver 00:05:34.060 --> 00:05:37.060 this tough news. A behavior concern, a conflict, 00:05:37.139 --> 00:05:40.160 or an injury report. In those moments, it's easy 00:05:40.160 --> 00:05:43.100 to slip into compliance mode. You can't tell, 00:05:43.100 --> 00:05:45.100 but I'm actually doing air quotes, compliance 00:05:45.100 --> 00:05:48.680 mode. Get the message across, get the signature, 00:05:48.959 --> 00:05:51.740 move on. But that approach can unintentionally 00:05:51.740 --> 00:05:56.060 create defensiveness or shame. That approach 00:05:56.060 --> 00:05:59.879 can unintentionally create defensiveness or shame. 00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:04.259 Instead, we can use a trauma -informed and relationship 00:06:04.259 --> 00:06:09.649 -based lens. One, lead with. Care. I want to 00:06:09.649 --> 00:06:11.689 share something that came up today because I 00:06:11.689 --> 00:06:14.250 know how much you value open communication. At 00:06:14.250 --> 00:06:16.189 the same time, be factual and not emotional. 00:06:16.410 --> 00:06:19.509 During outdoor play, Jamie had a disagreement 00:06:19.509 --> 00:06:22.370 with a peer. We worked through it and both kids 00:06:22.370 --> 00:06:25.829 ended the day and the situation calmly. And then 00:06:25.829 --> 00:06:28.910 end with reassurance. Jamie showed great self 00:06:28.910 --> 00:06:32.170 -control in how they resolved it. I was really 00:06:32.170 --> 00:06:35.350 proud of them. The goal isn't to avoid hard truths. 00:06:35.930 --> 00:06:38.209 It's to deliver them in a way that builds partnership, 00:06:38.470 --> 00:06:41.910 not power imbalance. So I just want to go over 00:06:41.910 --> 00:06:44.670 that again. Lead with care, be factual, not emotional, 00:06:44.769 --> 00:06:48.050 and end with reassurance. These three minute 00:06:48.050 --> 00:06:51.610 exchanges are so important. And I just picked 00:06:51.610 --> 00:06:54.550 three minutes because really three minutes is 00:06:54.550 --> 00:06:59.319 the perfect amount of time. I also thought that 00:06:59.319 --> 00:07:02.939 I could give you some ideas or practical tips 00:07:02.939 --> 00:07:06.259 for professional presence in this pickup zone 00:07:06.259 --> 00:07:08.980 of time. Professional strategies that elevate 00:07:08.980 --> 00:07:13.060 those exchanges. So the first is prepare before 00:07:13.060 --> 00:07:15.600 the door open. Take a breath. Did you hear me? 00:07:15.620 --> 00:07:19.759 I just did it. for a few quick notes and choose 00:07:19.759 --> 00:07:22.660 one meaningful, positive thing to share about 00:07:22.660 --> 00:07:26.100 each child. Two, use professional language. Replace 00:07:26.100 --> 00:07:29.720 they were wild today with there was lots of energy 00:07:29.720 --> 00:07:32.079 and we needed a few extra reminders about safe 00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:35.319 play. This communicates skill, not frustration. 00:07:35.639 --> 00:07:38.620 It is not a disservice that the children are 00:07:38.620 --> 00:07:41.579 giving us if they're busy or quote unquote wild. 00:07:41.800 --> 00:07:44.240 Then three, protect confidentiality. Pick up 00:07:44.240 --> 00:07:46.600 can be noisy, but our tone and our phrase, Zink 00:07:46.600 --> 00:07:49.379 should never expose another child's story. We're 00:07:49.379 --> 00:07:52.899 not talking to Jamie's parent and saying Jamie 00:07:52.899 --> 00:07:56.160 was awful today in front of Ryan's parent and 00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:58.120 in front of Raelynn's parent. I mean, you would 00:07:58.120 --> 00:08:00.379 never say it anyways, but you don't want this 00:08:00.379 --> 00:08:03.550 confidentiality to be exposed. Four, acknowledge 00:08:03.550 --> 00:08:06.889 the parent's humanity or the caregiver's humanity. 00:08:07.509 --> 00:08:10.370 You look like it's been a day. It goes a long 00:08:10.370 --> 00:08:12.949 way towards empathy and connection. Or how was 00:08:12.949 --> 00:08:15.089 your day? I would love to hear about it. How 00:08:15.089 --> 00:08:17.209 was work? Oh, I heard you had a meeting today. 00:08:17.290 --> 00:08:20.189 How did that go? And then five, reflect after 00:08:20.189 --> 00:08:22.610 they leave. What worked? What didn't? Because 00:08:22.610 --> 00:08:24.910 I, if you've listened to other episodes, I'm 00:08:24.910 --> 00:08:27.129 a huge believer in reflective practice. And this 00:08:27.129 --> 00:08:30.649 turns daily chaos into professional growth. And 00:08:30.649 --> 00:08:34.289 it'll help you understand how you can approach 00:08:34.289 --> 00:08:37.149 a similar subject or this parent the next day. 00:08:37.529 --> 00:08:39.970 All in all, family engagement isn't an add -on 00:08:39.970 --> 00:08:42.889 because families are seen as partners. Families 00:08:42.889 --> 00:08:46.210 are partners, not just as seen as. They are literal 00:08:46.210 --> 00:08:48.549 partners in our practice. It's one of the foundations 00:08:48.549 --> 00:08:51.389 of quality care. Every meaningful exchange builds 00:08:51.389 --> 00:08:55.070 trust. Every calm, respectful pickup creates 00:08:55.070 --> 00:08:58.649 psychological safety for families and for educators. 00:08:59.009 --> 00:09:00.889 And when families trust us, they share more. 00:09:01.029 --> 00:09:04.169 They collaborate more. They advocate with us 00:09:04.169 --> 00:09:06.789 instead of against us. And that's how we share. 00:09:06.830 --> 00:09:09.409 the culture of before and after school care from 00:09:09.409 --> 00:09:12.190 being the extra part of a child's day to being 00:09:12.190 --> 00:09:16.309 the essential bridge of a child's day. So tonight 00:09:16.309 --> 00:09:18.429 or today or this afternoon or whenever you're 00:09:18.429 --> 00:09:21.570 listening to this, when the rush begins and the 00:09:21.570 --> 00:09:25.049 door swings open, take a breath. See that there 00:09:25.049 --> 00:09:27.309 is a human standing in front of you, a family 00:09:27.309 --> 00:09:29.850 member who's probably had their own chaotic day. 00:09:30.009 --> 00:09:32.970 And remember that in those three minutes, you 00:09:32.970 --> 00:09:36.009 hold the power to reinforce belonging, professionalism, 00:09:36.039 --> 00:09:39.600 and community because those moments, quick as 00:09:39.600 --> 00:09:42.379 they are, defined our field. They show the world 00:09:42.379 --> 00:09:44.720 that school -age educators are not just caregivers. 00:09:44.840 --> 00:09:47.659 We are communicators, we are connectors, and 00:09:47.659 --> 00:09:50.779 we are leaders. Thank you, thank you, thank you, 00:09:50.779 --> 00:09:53.059 thank you so much for joining me today in this 00:09:53.059 --> 00:09:56.230 episode. If this episode made you rethink those 00:09:56.230 --> 00:09:58.909 everyday pickup moments, share it with your team 00:09:58.909 --> 00:10:01.330 or your supervisor because the work you're doing, 00:10:01.450 --> 00:10:04.129 those three -minute connections that hold families 00:10:04.129 --> 00:10:06.470 together, that's not small work. That's the heart 00:10:06.470 --> 00:10:09.110 of it. This is a one -of -two -part series, so 00:10:09.110 --> 00:10:11.649 look out next week for the second part. And until 00:10:11.649 --> 00:10:13.850 next time, keep showing up, keep growing, and 00:10:13.850 --> 00:10:23.990 remember, you are not forgotten. Thank you. Amazing 00:10:23.990 --> 00:10:26.549 listeners for your support. Don't forget to follow 00:10:26.549 --> 00:10:29.110 me on Instagram at Miss Jamie underscore R -E 00:10:29.110 --> 00:10:31.669 -C -E. Give a star rating and leave a review. 00:10:31.909 --> 00:10:34.429 Have something you want to hear about in relation 00:10:34.429 --> 00:10:36.570 to before and after school programs or full day 00:10:36.570 --> 00:10:39.750 summer camp? DM me or comment. Again, thank you 00:10:39.750 --> 00:10:41.190 so much and happy learning.