Welcome to the Forgotten ECE, the show where
before and after school educators, summer camp
and PD staff and CYWs have a place where they
are seen, heard and valued. I'm your host, Jamie
Wagler, and I'm so excited you're here. Hello,
everyone, and welcome back to the Forgotten ECE.
I'm so happy you're tuning in today because I
have a special guest for you. With me today,
I have Annalisa Vicent. Hi, Annalisa. Hello.
Thank you so much, Jamie, for having me. So Annalisa
is a wife and proud mother of two amazing boys.
She is an early childhood educator and a motherhood
coach. Annalisa is a passionate maternal mental
health advocate, and she is determined to break
the stigma around mental health by normalizing
vulnerability. Her journey has been deeply enriched
by her work with children with diverse needs
and their families, teaching her the profound
impact of resilience and compassionate care.
Annalisa's mission is to inspire women in the
community through meaningful connections. and
creative expression to strengthen their self
-compassion so that they feel seen, heard, and
heal. What an empowering mission that you're
on. Oh, thank you. It's definitely been a journey
for sure of self -discovery and also finding
out my purpose and my passion in life. And I
feel like, yeah, this is my era. Really become
the person I want to be, not just in my business,
but in my life. thank you for this opportunity
when you asked me to come on. I was so happy
because I really felt so connected to you when
I first met you. And when you came to the book
launch, it was just so like heartwarming to see
your presence there. You're so sweet, honestly.
No, like I am a strong believer that we meet
people for a reason. And I know I met you for
a reason. And this very well be it because what
you're doing is so incredible. And women need
this in their lives for sure, for sure. Yes.
Oh, 100%. So why don't you tell us a bit on like
how you got started as a life coach and what
made you decide this? Yeah. Well, I came at a
crossroads. I've been with the school board for
a little over, I guess it would have been 11
years at that time. And I felt like I really
wanted to do more in my community and in my life
too. I loved working with children. I think Working
for the school board was such a great experience
for the most part. Obviously, every work has
their challenges and stuff like that. But what
really propelled me further was actually seeing
my friend. I think I don't know. I think you
know her, Kathleen. Yeah, just I don't know.
I came across her Instagram and I think she was
doing a live and she was talking about how she
was becoming a coach. And I was like, oh, what
is this? Because initially, prior to that, I
had applied to like a master's program in social
work. I had filled out the application. I did
all the things I had to do. And then I got the
rejection letter. And I was just so shocked.
I'm like, hey, my grades were really good. And
I have so much experience in human services.
Like, why not? And it was a really competitive
program. They couldn't really give me the exact
reason why I wasn't admitted. But I was like,
this was a turning point in my life where that
rejection email turned into a blessing because
I knew I didn't want to go back to school for
the next, you know, seven years of my life because
I did want to, you know, work in the mental health
realm. But I wanted to think of creative ways
that I could still help women at that time or
help people in general without having, you know,
a PhD or whatnot in psychology or whatever. Yeah,
I just kind of went down this rabbit hole of
what coaching is, specifically life coaching,
because I was like, what is this? I just found
it kind of like weird that people would hire
other people, you know, to coach them in their
life. And I joined a really great program that
trains coaches based on the ICF, International
Coaching Federation. It's basically the gold
standard of coaching if you become certified
with the ICF. I mean, there's more credibility,
there's more training. And I really wanted that
training because I was like, if I'm going to
help change people's lives, I would love to learn
how to do that and not just kind of wake up and
be like, I'm going to be a coach. Yeah, if you're
going to do it, you're going to do it right.
It's such a saturated industry right now. It's
definitely booming. A lot of people are getting
into coaching, like even doctors and all this.
And what really drew me to coaching was being
in the program, learning the skill set, getting
the training, practicing coaching and coaching
with other people. It really transformed my life.
The slogan of my program or my school was the
first life you change is your own. And that's
really what happened there. And I knew I needed
to pick a niche, not that I needed to, but I
wanted to. And because I was having such a hard
time in like the postpartum period and, you know,
juggling two young kids under the age of three,
I really dove in and was like, I really want
to help moms. I want to support. not just new
moms, but moms that are feeling overwhelmed,
struggling with the guilt, the perfectionism,
the overgiving, because those are the things
that I really struggled with too. And I think
at times I still do, but. I really made it my
mission because I was spoken to so many mothers
and they're just it's the same thread. It's like
I'm overwhelmed, but I just have to accept this.
This is what I wanted. And sometimes what we
want isn't always, you know, Pinterest perfect
or Instagram ready. And it's just I had to learn
the hard way, I think. And so that's what brought
me to. becoming a motherhood coach, call myself
that because I was like, oh, that's I saw somebody
else that had labeled themselves as that. And
I was like, I like that because it's really what
I do. I help moms through the journey of motherhood
and like finding themselves, their identity and
their worth again. Wow, that's so incredible.
And it's such an important aspect. I know, like
with my motherhood journey, I did what I think
I did really well with the first looking back
now. I don't know. But like with my mental health
after and then with the second, I found it really,
really hard. Not only did I mourn that loss of
like, you're no longer inside of me because I
was blessed enough to be able to carry my kids.
But then all these fears were overwhelming about
what the future is going to look like and what
happens if they're bullied. And this is as they
were like little baby infants. And then now that
they're school ages, it's like every day I'm.
constantly worried about how they're doing at
school. I'm constantly worried about if they're
making good choices or if people are being mean
to them or if they're going to do OK. And are
they going to go to college? Are they going to
get careers? Are they going to be stuck in this
recession? It's just constant worry. And you
don't there's no there's no book of life to tell
you how to do this. No one what to expect when
you're expecting doesn't give you all of the
information that we think we need. There's things
that happen that I never. prepared for. And I
think having someone like as amazing as you to
guide people through that, or even like a shoulder
to talk to and express these needs and then have
you help them through this, like that's incredible.
That's such great work. Thank you. I really appreciate
those kind words because yeah, that's exactly
it. Like nothing ever prepares you for motherhood.
Like I remember, yeah, being pregnant and like
reading all the articles and like. buying the
apps and like, you know, tracking, oh, my baby
is the size of a grapefruit. OK, like it was
fun in that sense of being pregnant, feeling
like literally your baby growing inside you.
And then, yeah, when you give birth, the postpartum
period is such a scary, exhausting time. And
then, yeah, when they get older, like my son
is in kindergarten now. And it was really tough.
Like, it's funny because when I was in ECE, like.
I'm being really honest and transparent here
right now. I used to judge parents that had the
quote unquote troubled child. I was like, what's
happening at home? What are the parents doing?
Like, why is their child like this? And then
when you have a child that is labeled as the.
quote -unquote I mean they never said this but
like the problem child like I was always getting
uh pulled aside at the end of the day okay talk
to you some things you know so and so this happened
and it's just like I don't think we give our
the kids the benefit of the doubt like especially
kindergarten is such a huge transition for a
child especially if they haven't been in a school
environment before and so it's like trying to
use my ECE to kind of advocate for my son and
say like listen can we just give him some grace
here because it's September like I don't know
what you are really expecting of him and so it
was tough and I totally hear you about As they
get older, like, you know, are they going to
make good choices? Are their friends going to
be, you know, good role models? Because there's
so many things out of our control. Because when
they're a baby, we get to essentially, we have
that control over when they eat, who they're
with, like how we take care of them, how, you
know, we teach others to, you know, raise our
child. I mean, it's never like that. But it's,
yeah, just that reality that we can't always
protect our kids. And it's scary, but it's also
just like giving them or teaching them the right.
Right. Not right way, but like teaching them
the values that you really believe in and hoping
that they make the right choices. Yes, absolutely.
And you said a couple of things there like kindergarten,
100 percent, like expectations are so. hard for
children in kindergarten, especially if they're
not coming from any kind of child care before.
But even if they are coming from a child care
before, they're going from usually a play -based
curriculum to all of a sudden, yes, there's some
play in kindergarten, but not nearly enough.
And then there's 30 kids stuffed into a classroom
with one teacher and one early child educator.
It's like, what? How are you ever? I was told,
oh, so disheartening. I was told in my son's
first year of kindergarten that at parent -teacher
meetings that I asked how he was doing and if
he was adjusting well to school. And they said,
well, he's not the worst child. So he's he seemed
fine. So he has to be the worst child for you
to pay attention to him. And I get it. And I
don't get me wrong. I loved his teacher. And
I do. I still like I still talk to her. But there
it's it's just a broken system. And now he's
he is he's definitely labeled a problem child.
Like reportedly, I get called into the school
all of the time. And I'm a huge advocate at the
school. But it's like, gosh. when he he's just
active and when he's active or rowdy outside
making him stand against the wall isn't going
to help that he needs to get his energy out before
he goes back into school or like anyways i'm
going off on a tangent but the children are just
so there's so many challenges that parents face
because then they feel like they have to take
on these challenges by themselves while also
advocating for their kids so what are some of
the biggest challenges that you see moms facing
when it comes to balancing their own well -being
and then supporting their school -aged child
That is funny because that's such a simple question,
but it's such a loaded layer. Taking care of
ourselves is, I think, the hardest thing because
we were conditioned and we were raised to be
that nurturer, be, you know, the caregiver, the
supermom that nothing fazes her and she knows
it all. And I think the truth is, is that we
act like we know it all. And I think also people
expect us to know it all, but we really don't.
We're kind of just using our best judgment and
using the resources that we have to, you know,
keep our children thriving in a system that I
do agree is broken. You know, private school
rates have apparently risen. I was speaking to
a friend about that. A lot of people want to
homeschool their kids. I know there's like a
lot, there's like nature schools now, which is
amazing. But I think especially with boys, I
think there's a lot of pressure on young boys
in the school age demographic where it's just
like they're told to sit down, sit still. Is
it a can't attitude or is it a won't attitude?
Because I think especially when they're young,
like they have such high levels of testosterone
that they physically literally can't sit still.
That's what I learned is that like they have
so much energy that they need to expel. Like
that's why some of the some boys run around the
classroom because like that's how they regulate
their emotional or their nervous system. And
it's it's just so sad because if teachers really
understood early child development, the expectations
would be so different. And I think we treat our
students with so much more compassion than we
do. It was tough. Yeah. working with some teachers
that didn't believe that, that they're like,
no, you know, this is how school should be. This
is how our students should be. But I think we
need to reframe that and say, like, how can we
give these children an opportunity like for autonomy?
And yes, I think there does need to be like rules
and structure and all that. But it's really trying
to see the child as a unique person, not just
like a robot that. follows instructions, sits
down, eats lunch, stands against the wall or,
you know, listens right away. Like it doesn't,
people don't function like that. Adults don't
function like that. You tell an adult to do something,
like most of the time you might get people that
are compliant, but kids are still learning, you
know, about the world. And I think, again, like
you said, the school system is broken. I think
there's a lot of different expectations coming
from high up and like there's some teachers that
are just giving up. I know so many teachers that
are leaving the school system, and I think it's
just a reflection of how things are changing.
Yeah, I know this is a podcast, so you can't
see my face, but it's so disheartening in a way
because it's not the teachers that should be
leaving that are leaving. It's good teachers
who are trying and trying and trying but are
tired of having to advocate. for themselves and
for the students and not getting anywhere. But
you're absolutely right when you said like we're
not we're not training our children to be robots.
This isn't this isn't back in the day when we
trained children to be a factory workers. This
is 2025. The curriculum has to change. It has
to meet the needs of children. And it's not doing
that. We're still doing standardized testing.
We're still doing these things and assessing
children on math, English and whatever else.
And it's it's not the thing. It's not the things
that are important. For crying out loud, we have
computers and calculators and chat GPT and Pinterest.
We don't need robots. What we need is children
to be kind, to care about the world, to care
about each other and to actually find their place.
And that's not what's happening in school right
now. And then on top of that, so parents are
having to deal with all of this and then having
to deal with their children coming home. being
burnt out and being upset and distraught and
not wanting to go to school. There's so many
parents right now that their children are having
such a hard time going to school in the morning.
And it's a battle. And how do you manage that?
So what I'm going to ask you two questions now.
How is a parent or how is a mom supposed to take
care of themselves while also being there and
being a support to their children? Right. Yeah.
I'm sorry I didn't answer that in your first
question. Yeah. Let me talk about that because
I grew up. believing that, yeah, a mom is supposed
to part her family first. I think that's a religious,
cultural, societal expectation. It's really unlearning
that. Because what I'm learning, I had to learn
to stop when I experienced postpartum depression
and anxiety with my second son, is that I needed
to take care of myself first. And that means...
choosing myself first. And that's not selfish.
I think in other words, I think that's like essential
for your overall well -being. That's mentally,
physically, because I was always choosing my
family, my kids first. I was like, oh, I'll go
for a walk later. I'll read that book tonight.
I'll, you know, I'll go for a workout. You know
what? You know, just later. I kept saying later
and later never came. And then I just got really
sad most of the time. I was also really resentful
and angry towards not just my kids, my spouse.
And it trickles down into the family. When we
put ourselves last, when we don't take time for
ourselves, it affects not just our own well -being,
but our children's well -being too. Last year,
I experienced burnout. And it's funny because
I had quit my job to prevent burnout because
I was like, oh, I'm going to juggle my business
and motherhood. It'll be great. I'll have so
much time. And it ended up being the opposite.
Like I was trying to be this like perfect mom
and like be present with my kids all the time
and also try to do like grow my business. And
it and it wasn't meshing well. We also had moved
at the time. And so there's so many different
hats I was wearing and I just couldn't do it
anymore. And I thought I could because I. thought
I could be that mom that you know those like
you know mom influencers that this is what my
like this is what I do in a day and it's just
like whose day looks like that because it's not
realistic and like I know social media is like
mostly an illusion but it's just you strive for
that because like you see that everywhere like
you see it in movies you see it on tv commercials
where it's just like you know you're perfectly
manicured but you're doing it all and you're
happy and the reality is is that I felt, I think
doing it all just made me really bitter and angry
and exhausted and overwhelmed. And I really had
to ask myself, actually, my friend asked me this.
She's like, what does Annalisa need right now?
And I paused and I couldn't even come up with
an answer. And I knew that was my breaking point
that I didn't even know what I needed anymore.
And I had to make a shift, a quick shift and
kind of just like really put my business on the
back burner and refocus on getting better, getting
more sleep, getting outside, walking, moving
my body and talking about the burnout that I
was feeling because I was really internalizing
everything. And so when I started getting better,
I noticed I was more present. I wasn't bitter
and angry anymore. I wasn't lashing out on my
kids or my family, but it was a tough. tough
road to kind of bounce back from that and like
you know facilitating workshops on self -care
and it's just this kind of like full circle moment
because when you're in it you don't realize what
you're going through because it's just you're
so deep into it but it's definitely possible
but I think it first takes like self -awareness
and acceptance that it is happening because I
was really trying to prevent that so yeah I think
when the mom thrives like the family thrives
as well. And I've seen that like firsthand because
it happened to be recently last year. So, yeah,
it's a real thing to take care of ourselves first
because it's not selfish. And I know a lot of
women will be like, oh, no, family first. Like,
you know, your kids come first. It's like, no,
you come first. And it's a hard pill to swallow,
I think, for some of us. But it's so important.
Wow. Yeah. First and foremost, thank you so much
for being so vulnerable here today. I think it's
the only way that people are going to to hear.
hear what you're saying and hear what we're talking
about. We're advocating about is when they hear
the real life thing. And I, I super appreciate
you doing that here and being vulnerable. You
said a couple of things that resonated with me
first and foremost, that you're right. Self -care
is not selfish and we hear it all the time, but
then it's brushed off with go get a manicure,
go get your eyebrows done, go for a facial. It's
just not, that's not. That's not what self -care
is. Self -care is listening to your body. It's
sleeping in if you have the chance to sleep in
or it's taking a freaking nap. There's nothing
wrong with taking a nap on a day that you get
to take a nap. But oh, so many things you said
resonated with me. I agree. I think that moms
are put on or sole parents are put on this pedestal
and it is shown everywhere how. picture perfect
their lives are. I mean, if you if you look what's
trending right now on TikTok, I mean, I guess
it's been a year, but like mom talk was trending
and it's like. No one is like that. I'm so sorry
if for some reason you're listening to this,
but no one has a life like that. It's just not
realistic. And people have to work hard and they
have to juggle all of these things. And it's
absolutely impossible to do everything. There's
something giving somewhere. And if you can't
see it, it's probably your health. It's not like
there's these crazy signs coming. I just imagine
like... because I'm a 90s kid. I imagine a roadrunner
running down the road and all these warning signs.
There's no warning sign saying, burn out ahead,
burn out ahead. It comes and all of a sudden
you realize that you're living this life and
that it doesn't even feel like you anymore. It's
not what you were meant to do. It's not who you
thought you were going to be. It's just, and
you don't even recognize the person looking in
the mirror or when you're talking to your children
and the words that you're saying, you don't recognize
it anymore. You're like, no, I know this is not
how I should be talking to them. And wow, yeah,
it's hard. And it's so important that. People
hear that there's there's a community out there
and there's people out there to help them because
it doesn't have to be like this. Exactly. And
it doesn't have to be like this. And I think
as moms, we blame ourselves like, oh, you know,
I should be working out or I should read that
book. It's all the shoulds. The shoulds are really
not ours to own. It's like the expectations that
have been put on us from, you know, cultural
religion and society. And I really don't think.
Our system is built to support moms right now.
I think it's still very much, you know, the mom
is the default parent and it's the invisible
load, really. I started learning about invisible
load just these past two years. I'm like, oh,
my God, there's a name for it. I thought it was
just like me, like these expectations, the invisible
work that moms do, like you were mentioning in
the beginning, like the planning, the worrying,
the delegating, the parent that's. being pulled
aside because most of the times it's not the
dad that's being pulled aside or being called
at 12 noon oh so your son did this today it's
like well he also has a dad calling me but it's
just like yeah even when I was working with a
school board I was always calling the mom mind
you there were two parents on the list but it
was always like mom is the first call like you
always call mom first and then you call dad if
you can't contact mom and so It's just these
unrealistic expectations that are put on moms,
on parents in general, that, you know, you have
to be the gentle parent, but you also have to
like teach them leadership and like innovation
and like all this stuff. And it's just like,
we can't do it in like the society that we're
living in right now. There's such a, we live
in such a divided world right now, I think. There's
so much judgment and criticism and hate going
on. And it's like, how can we come back to like
the values of kindergarten? Where it's like,
you know, everybody feels included. Everybody
feels welcomed and heard. And it's just, it's
not the reality, unfortunately. I mean, I hope
things change. I don't know. But I think it starts
with us. Like it starts at home. Again, teaching
those values, whatever values you have, like
instilling that in your child so that they eventually
can make good choices. I mean, who hopes so?
I love, I was speaking to this doctor. She's
a perinatal psychiatrist. It's part of a support
group I was part of. And she mentioned that,
you know, children, we're not carpenters and
we're not carving our children out of wood. She's
like, we are gardeners. Our children are our
flowers. And we shower them with love and we,
you know, provide them with warmth and sunshine.
And how she described it was so beautiful because
it's like a farmer has no control over how their
crops or their garden grows. You know, you just
will give it water, sun and air and you just
hope for the best. Because with, you know, when
you're a carpenter, you're trying to like mold
your child into what you think it should should
be and how they should act. And it's just when
she said that, I was like, oh, my God, that's
such a beautiful metaphor for like raising children,
because it's so true. We only have control over,
you know, how much we love them, how much support
we give them autonomy as well. But it's tough.
It's not easy. Wow, I love that. Yeah. Wow. I'm
really getting a little emotional. It's so true.
Like you can you can pour so much of yourself
into your children. And in the end, at the end
of the day, who they're going to be is who they're
going to be. It's not it's not going to make
a difference if I pick them up from school or
their dad picks them up from school or or which
parent picks them up from school. It's not going
to make a difference. You make the right choices
and you do the right things and you model. the
way you're supposed to. But in the end, there's
still people and they're still going to face
the world the way they are. You talk a lot about
modeling and like resilience and emotional regulation
for moms and taking care of their self first.
So how can moms model resilience and emotional
regulation for their school -aged children to
then learn from? I think it's like learning how
to label emotions properly. In learning about
like emotional intelligence and emotion in general,
like there's more than like the standard sad,
angry, you know, nervous and all that stuff.
There's apparently, can't remember what Brene
Brown said, but like over 70 different actual
emotions. And not that we have to teach our kids
all of these emotions, but I think it's just
being really honest with your kids about how
you're feeling. And learning to repair the relationship
when you do get angry, when you do get mad or
you say something that you regret. Because I
think we're all human at the end of the day and
we're going to make mistakes and we're going
to say things that we probably didn't mean. Especially
when we're feeling depleted, exhausted or overwhelmed
like most moms do some of the time. So it's really
understanding how you are feeling in the moment.
kind of repairing the relationship after just
really having opening the conversation about,
you know, mom was feeling really upset. I'm really
sorry that I yelled or I'm really sorry that
I said that I really didn't mean it. Like, do
you forgive me? Because I think saying sorry
to your child is a huge opportunity and learning
lesson for them that, oh, OK, like mom can get
mad, but she can also, you know, take accountability
for her behavior. take responsibility for her
behavior, and they know that they're loved. I
think that's the most important thing is that
I'm constantly, not that I'm like always yelling
at my kids, but like I'm okay with apologizing
to them and saying that I messed up. You know,
I lost control or like I was really upset. I
didn't mean to yell, but you know, really being
honest with them and not sugarcoating feelings
or trying to suppress feelings either. Because
I find when the rage comes out, it's usually
because we're suppressing our emotions. And how
we're feeling in that moment or, you know, how
we were feeling three days ago. So all those
things kind of fester when we don't give ourselves
the freedom or the peace to just feel really
uncomfortable in those uncomfortable feelings
like anger, sadness or frustration. I mean, it's
tough. It takes practice. But I think emotional
regulation is something that as adults, we also
need to work on because I think most like I mean,
if you're not an ECE or if you're not. like not
necessarily trained in emotional intelligence,
but if you don't know how to label your own emotions,
it's definitely something that is beneficial.
Yeah. I mean, it's just, again, like remembering
that you're human and that there is no bad emotion.
Like you're allowed to feel how you feel in a
way that you can model to your own kids that
it's okay to have these feelings. And then you
kind of, you know, talk about, have a conversation
about what's okay to do when you're feeling a
certain way and what's not okay. So that's a
huge piece, too. Yeah. Like everything you're
saying is so eye opening. But also like as an
educator, I also try it like as an educator to
mom. It's funny because growing up, I was definitely
Mandy's kid. And these things we didn't do. If
I was frustrated as a kid and don't get me wrong,
I love my parents. But if I was frustrated as
a kid, I was allowed to scream and shout or cry.
And there was definitely no, it's OK if you're
feeling upset. It was. Stop yelling at me. Go
to your room. Don't slam the door. I'm so sorry
if you're listening, Perks. Quick shout out to
Mom and Dad. But I do, like, now I'm so, I'm
so aware of it. But also, we do, we have these
moments that I'm like, ugh, I didn't mean to
yell. No, it's okay that you're crying, but also
stop crying. But no, no, no, it's fine. You're
allowed to cry. I don't know. I want to cry too.
But I think it's important because we're vulnerable.
We're, we're human. We feel these things too.
And it's, apologizing is huge, I think. Because.
I, I grew up in a house that we, we didn't really
apologize to each other. It was more, we just
forget about it. And all of a sudden the next
day, everything's magically back to normal. And
there was no, there was no working through it.
Um, and I, I find myself apologizing to my kids
a lot because of, of how I say things or how
I interpret things and not understanding properly.
And it's just, I want them to know it's okay
to be sorry. And that when I say I'm sorry, I'm
not just saying it for them to. To feel better,
I'm saying it because I sincerely feel sorry.
Yeah, labeling the emotion. I quickly looked
because I wanted to validate what you're saying.
Brittany Brown says there's 87 emotions. I don't
even know. I might know 10. I have to look at
that list. Yeah, it's so hard as adults to navigate
that. How are we supposed to help children navigate
it? And absolutely, modeling is the way to do
it. Yeah, for sure. And I don't want to come
off as this. calm perfect mom here like I've
seen parts of myself that I never thought I would
see I think prior to having kids I was what people
always say oh you're so calm and you're so great
with the kids and why are you so calm and why
are you so patient well like it was just like
again I think I was also partially suppressing
emotions too at that time like I obviously didn't
want to like you know get super angry at the
kids that I was working with or anything like
that I was always trying to be more patient and
calm but I think that's also You know, when you
do become a parent, you get triggered by things
that happened in your childhood and that are
still kind of like unresolved feelings that you
had. Like you said, like, you know, you grew
up in a house. I grew up in a household, too,
that I never heard parents apologize. Yeah, like
it's tough because like I think we always want
to do. better than the generation before and
so that in itself is is a lot of mental physical
emotional exhaustion in itself like trying to
be the calm in your child's storm like it's not
unfortunately it's not realistic because children's
have children have big emotions all the time
and they have like especially in that toddler
phase like there's a lot of It's just like a
roller coaster every day of just like, what are
we going to go through today? And so you hope
as they get older that they learn how to calm
themselves and how to talk about how they're
feeling. Like I remember it was like a funny
story. Me and my husband were kind of like arguing
and it was getting a bit heated. And then my
son, who's four, he comes between us and he's
like, guys, guys, come on, calm down. Let's take
a deep breath. Let's just take a calm down. And
I just. We both started laughing because I was
just like, oh, my God, our son is teaching us
emotional regulation. But it was just like at
that moment, I was like, OK, I did something
right there. I feel like I did something right
there for him to come to us and teach us like,
hey, calm down. I think it was so good. Like
he was like, calm down. And like he was doing
all the facial in the hand, how a teacher would
do it. I was just like, it was just so funny.
It was so cute. But like it was that moment that
I'm like, OK, he finally gets it. It's rewarding
when they find when it clicks and you're like,
oh, I think I'm on the right path. Like, yeah,
you're doing something right. It's like the external
validation. You're like, OK, cool. OK, one roadblock.
Check. So we talked a lot tonight about like
our feelings and emotions and just how to help.
Children and parents navigate this. So what advice
do you have for moms who feel isolated or overwhelmed?
I think the first step is definitely to be aware
that you do need help. Because I know for me,
for so long, I wanted to prove to my family,
my friends, to the world that I could do it,
that I could take care of a newborn and a toddler
at the same time. And I could take care of the
house and I could be a good friend and a great
mom and all these things. And then I couldn't.
And I became, yeah, like super like engrossed
in just trying to look perfect and be perfect.
And it wasn't sustainable. And so unfortunately,
you sometimes have to hit rock bottom and maybe
not even rock bottom. You just kind of have to
reach a point where you don't want to live in
this pain and suffering anymore. And you reach
out for help. Like the first thing I did was
tell a very close friend, like I was like, hey,
I think. Like I'm really struggling. And if you
have, if you're lucky enough to have that support
system of even just one friend or a family member
that you really trust and say like, I'm really
struggling, I need help. Then that's like the
first thing is reaching out and not being afraid
or ashamed to reach out. And I think for a long
time, I didn't want to reach out because again,
I wanted to have this image that I could do it
all with a smile on my face. So definitely reach
out to somebody you love and trust. Because the
people that care about you will be there for
you. And yeah, know that you're not alone. Like
a lot of moms are feeling overwhelmed and not
just, you know, on a weekly basis, on a daily
basis. I've talked to so many moms about how
they're feeling about motherhood. And it's tough
and it breaks my heart to hear that they feel
like they just have to accept that it's like
that. Or they feel like they can't talk to their
partners about it. When I finally started opening
up to my husband how I was feeling, he was like,
I didn't know. He's like, I didn't know. And
so giving people a chance to also accept the
help is the next step. So asking for it and then
accepting it. Because accepting is the hardest
part, too. It's like you want to say that you
can do it all, but it's really you can do it
all for sure. It's just not sustainable because
you will like break down. It's because your body
will tell you anyway at some point that, no,
you need to take a break. So, yeah, I would say
asking for help and accepting is definitely the
first step. And it just goes from there. It's
based on, you know, what you need and who can
help you and the resources that are available.
There are so many resources out there. A lot
of organizations offer free support up to a certain
age. But yeah, it's just really doing your research.
Thank God for Google and like ChatGPT and social
media platforms, nonprofit organizations. There's
so many things out there. It's just. I mean,
I always talk about, I'm not like a sponsor or
anything or affiliate with them, but like I always
talk about 8 -1 -1, like that, the telehealth
line, calling to a nurse, like they have so many
resources and they can help you find resources
like within your community. So yeah, there is
help out there for sure. And so I just want moms
to know that, that there is help or you can call
me. We'll give it at the end. Don't worry. But
yes, but it's true. It's true. You're out here
and you're if you have no one else to talk to.
This is exactly what Annalise does. So reach
out to her. I really value that you said and
accept it because once you get to the point where
you ask for help, it is it's one thing asking
for help. But it's a whole other world when people
are like, OK, I'll come pick your kids up. You
can go for a shower. OK, here I'm coming over
to do your laundry for you or I'm going to come
do the dishes or here I cooked you a meal. And
then all of a sudden you feel bad, like. I just
want to talk about it. You don't actually have
to help me. I'll figure it out myself. It's fine.
No, no, no. I just had a moment. I don't, no,
no, no. But it is accepting that help and learning
that it's okay to accept help. I keep going back
to the plain analogy that everyone talks about
where, oh, if you're getting a crash and the
thing falls down, you have to do yourself first.
But this is the moment. This right here is a
real life moment when it matters. You gotta take
care of yourself first because your kids cannot.
learn from you if you're sick or if you are feeling
so overwhelmed that you can't take care of yourself
so speaking of communities and finding support
a great way to find that is through other parents
or in like as a community but how can moms create
a community or find support from other parents
while also maintaining healthy boundaries because
friend moms can also come with our whole other
world of problems yeah i remember like especially
like you know facebook is so good at you know
building communities. There's so many mom groups
out there. To be honest, I don't really like
most of the mom groups. Not that I don't like
the moms in it or anything, but it's just sometimes
there's a culture of just like a lot of judgment
or like comparison that I don't appreciate. And
so you kind of just, yeah, have to find your
tribe so -and -so like, and it takes time because
yeah, sometimes you might not click with a mom
or. Or it might be cliquey, like they already
have a group and you're kind of trying to like
get into it. High school all over again. Yeah,
we're all in high school again. That's exactly
what it is. It's just like, who are the popular
kids? And sort of like, what's the popular group?
But I think in reality, it's really just putting
yourself out there more and kind of finding out.
who you can trust and who you can connect with
because you know ever since COVID everybody's
kind of in the online realm and it's great because
you're meeting so many people from all over the
world or whatnot but I think really literally
putting yourself out there like leaving your
house going to the park like even going to the
park and seeing other parents there like for
me I'm super awkward like I don't I don't ever
know how to like talk to people in the park Especially
like other parents, like I'll only talk to a
parent if they talk to me first. But it's just
like sometimes you kind of just need to take
that chance and you never know who you're going
to meet. Like even at the mall or the library,
like there's so many opportunities now to meet
people. Like there's even, you know, social events
that you can go to. So, yeah, it's just it's
really literally just leaving your house and
getting out there and talking to people again.
It sounds so simple, but I think most of us are
so comfortable in our homes. And I have a lot
of friends that just love to stay at home. And
that's great. But I think if you do really want
to build community, it starts in your community.
You do have to leave your house and like mingle
and talk to people. And if you do have a hard
time with that, if you're an introvert or whatnot,
like maybe ask a friend like to go with you to
the park or to an event or something. Yes, you
need a Jamie. My friend calls me a gold retriever
because it doesn't matter where we are. I can
make friends and I meet people. And I'm like,
I was actually at this is a this is a side note
and just a pick me up story in the middle of
our conversation. I was at an LCBO once. I don't
drink a lot. OK, but I do enjoy wine sometimes.
And there was a lady there and we just started
chatting. And then I was like, you should come
over for a drink. And I got back in the car and
my husband's like, stop inviting random people
to our house. Like, you don't know these people.
And I'm like, you're so right. I don't know what
I'm thinking. she wanted us to drink alone. I
said, that was a bad idea. We should just drink
together. But like, you're absolutely right.
It's hard as introverts for sure to, to get out
and out of their comfort zone and meet people.
And you're not always going to be, you're not
always going to be faced as obnoxious babies
in your life to wheel you in. But yeah, when
you, when you meet these people and you make
those connections, it's, it's remembering that
a, not everyone's perfect and that. it's okay
for you to give some of yourself away to this
community or this support group, but also remember
to keep some of you for you and hold those boundaries
and make sure that you're getting some good out
of it. Like you said, the Facebook groups are
insane, okay? Some of the things that happen
there that you just want to be mindful of who
you're giving your attention to and what conversations
you're jumping into because some are not worth
your time. Exactly. Yeah, for sure. And it's
so easy to like type behind a screen and... And
maybe if you are an introvert, start online,
like, you know, join like a yeah, like a Facebook
group or or something like just to kind of get
your toes in the water. If you don't feel comfortable
speaking to people that you don't know. But yeah,
it really does take stepping out of your comfort
zone to see what what else is out there, because
there is so much opportunity to build connection
with people. It's just, yeah, you do have to
find that groove or whatever. So they need to
have like a Tinder for moms, like friend, friend,
friend. Not really my size. Yeah. And there's
a thing called Peanut and it's actually for moms.
It's an app. It's called Peanut. And like you
can meet moms in your community or like other
moms. Yeah. I mean, I haven't joined, but my
friend told me about it. That sounds amazing.
OK, someone needs to join and then send me the
details. I want to know if this is something
I guess I could technically join and figure it
out. But OK, amazing. OK, two more questions
for you and then I won't take any more of your
time. But this is so amazing. First, as you can
leave moms with one key message about the power
of presence and self -care or really anything,
what would it be? The power of presence and self
-care. I mean, it's going to sound cheesy, but
like the present moment is all you have. We worry
about the future, like what's going to happen,
and then we dwell on the past. But it's just
like what I'm really trying to practice in my
own life is really being present, not thinking
about the to -do list, not worrying about if
my son is going to fall off that chair, just
literally like just trying to have fun. Like
I forgot what it was like to be happy. I can
just kind of be free and kind of like a child,
like just feel like you can do anything. but
really also not feeling guilty about taking time
for yourself. So yeah, it's just a daily practice
and I'm still working on it myself, but it's
just, it's worth the effort to make that time
for yourself, not because you have to or you
should, but because you want to. because you
want to be there for your kids in the way that
you want to. Recovering from burnout was such
a tall hill to climb, but it was really trying
to rediscover what I wanted, what I needed. And
so when you're present, there is no worry. There
is no like, oh, I should have done this or what
do I need to do next? It's really like, how can
I be in this moment and be at peace with what's
going on right now? And it's easier said than
done. But I think being really intentional with
your time, your energy and who you spend it with
can make a huge difference in your life. And
I've seen that with myself. I, you know, I lost
a few friends. I've gained a few friends. I've
let go of things that are not worth my energy
and time. And so it's really realizing what's
most important in your life. Who do you want
to spend it with? So, yeah, I think I think that's
I think that's a great answer. And I don't think
it was that cheesy at all. Yeah. And even in
even in yourself, care to be present in that
moment, because I know it's hard when you're
taking care of yourself or you're trying to make
the right choices for you. Then all of a sudden
you start to feel guilty or your head's like,
what are my kids doing right now? But it's trying
to be present in those moments. And you're right.
It's so it feels so good to have fun again and
like raw fun, fun that has no expectations, like
building a tower and just falling down. And today,
actually in my before and after school program
and before school. they started playing Stella
Ella Ola and I stopped everything I was doing
and I went and I had to play. I was like, this
is from my childhood. And it just, it felt so
fun. And I'm like this, this is what life is
about is these moments. Oh, you're so right.
My last question, and it's kind of a sum up,
is how can these wonderful listeners connect
with you and allow you to take them further into
this and you introduce them to coaching and stuff.
Where can they find you at? Yeah, for sure. Thank
you again for this opportunity. I have a website.
It's pretty much my name. So it's just analisavacent
.com. But I'm active on LinkedIn and Instagram
at analitra underscore awakened. I love your
Instagram handle. It's so awesome. I was looking
at it today as I'm working on the podcast stuff
and I'm like, what a great handle. Annalisa Awaken.
Sorry, carry on. No, thank you. I really appreciate
that. You never know like how people feel. So
I love that. Thank you so much for acknowledging
that. But yeah, that's where you can find me.
You'll find like funny content and like really
soulful content and some sad content. But it's
all like I'm just I'm just really trying to be
honest about motherhood. And I'm really not trying
to like make any moms feel ashamed of what they're
going through or how they're feeling or what
they're doing, because I don't think. I don't
think moms are doing it wrong. I think we're
just living in a system that doesn't support
us in how we need to be supported. And so I want
to be that support that I never got when I was
kind of down in dumps and like really struggling
to find peace in myself again. So yeah, that's
what I hope my platform does. And I think I've
done a good job so far on it. But yeah. I would
have to agree. I love your content. So definitely,
definitely, definitely, definitely go check out
Annalisa on Instagram, LinkedIn or her website.
Again, www .annalisavicente .com. I thank you.
Thank you. Thank you so wholeheartedly so much.
Annalisa, thanks for being here. I really, really
appreciate your time. And for those of you who
don't know, it is actually kind of late. So she
stayed up for me. Thank you. Of course. No, thank
you for this opportunity. So blessed to be on
here and to know you. You're so awesome. I feel
the same. The feeling is mutual, okay? The feeling
is mutual. Thank you, listeners, for tuning in.
Please go check out Annalisa's website. And if
you liked the episode or you have any comments,
questions, please like and share. And I will
see you next time on The Forgotten EC. Thank
you. Amazing listeners for your support. Don't
forget to follow me on Instagram at Miss Jamie
underscore R -E -C -E. Give a star rating and
leave a review. Have something you want to hear
about in relation to before and after school
programs or full day summer camp? DM me or comment.
Again, thank you so much and happy learning.