WEBVTT 00:00:01.690 --> 00:00:05.450 Welcome back to the Forgotten ECE, the podcast 00:00:05.450 --> 00:00:08.150 that shines a light on the realities of working 00:00:08.150 --> 00:00:12.029 in ECE, specifically before and after school 00:00:12.029 --> 00:00:14.750 education. I'm your host, Jimmy Wegler. Thanks 00:00:14.750 --> 00:00:17.370 so much for joining me. Today, we're going to 00:00:17.370 --> 00:00:20.670 tackle a topic that every educator I think, I 00:00:20.670 --> 00:00:24.350 would assume, has experienced, handling big emotions 00:00:24.350 --> 00:00:28.019 in school -aged children. We all know children 00:00:28.019 --> 00:00:30.640 often hold in their emotions throughout the school 00:00:30.640 --> 00:00:32.939 day. And by the time they reach the before and 00:00:32.939 --> 00:00:35.780 after school program, they may be exhausted, 00:00:36.119 --> 00:00:39.020 probably overstimulated, and could be even dealing 00:00:39.020 --> 00:00:41.320 with something that happened earlier. So how 00:00:41.320 --> 00:00:44.280 do we support them with those big emotions when 00:00:44.280 --> 00:00:46.600 they all come flooding out? Today, I'm going 00:00:46.600 --> 00:00:49.539 to share proactive strategies and in the moment 00:00:49.539 --> 00:00:52.659 responses to help you navigate these challenges. 00:00:53.060 --> 00:01:04.140 I hope you're ready for a ride. Welcome to the 00:01:04.140 --> 00:01:07.560 Forgotten ECE, the show where before and after 00:01:07.560 --> 00:01:10.620 school educators, summer camp and PD staff and 00:01:10.620 --> 00:01:13.879 CYWs have a place where they are seen, heard, 00:01:14.159 --> 00:01:16.739 and valued. I'm your host, Jamie Wakeler, and 00:01:16.739 --> 00:01:30.969 I am so excited you're here. Okay, happy Sunday, 00:01:31.209 --> 00:01:33.890 if you're listening to me on Sunday. Thanks for 00:01:33.890 --> 00:01:37.150 joining me today. I'm hoping that when this is 00:01:37.150 --> 00:01:39.049 released that it's actually super sunny and nice 00:01:39.049 --> 00:01:42.469 out because I'm in Trafford, Ontario, which I'm 00:01:42.469 --> 00:01:44.829 sure I said before, but in case I didn't, that's 00:01:44.829 --> 00:01:48.599 where I'm at. And I am so tired of the snow and 00:01:48.599 --> 00:01:52.140 the cold and the grossness. And I'm sure if you're 00:01:52.140 --> 00:01:54.239 listening, you might be too, or maybe you've 00:01:54.239 --> 00:01:56.280 never actually experienced snow and you think 00:01:56.280 --> 00:01:59.180 it's really great. So I mean, kudos to you and 00:01:59.180 --> 00:02:01.680 you can have some anytime you want to. But I'm 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:03.500 over it. I'm ready for the hot. I'm ready for 00:02:03.500 --> 00:02:05.959 the summer. I'm ready for the spring. With that, 00:02:06.120 --> 00:02:08.259 I wanted to bring to you understanding big emotions 00:02:08.259 --> 00:02:10.879 in school -aged children because it happens. 00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:13.800 And we're about to head into my favorite season. 00:02:13.960 --> 00:02:16.099 like school season, the second half of the year, 00:02:16.500 --> 00:02:19.120 the after March break half, where we have March 00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:22.520 break and then we have only a couple months left 00:02:22.520 --> 00:02:26.120 until summer. If you listened to me last season, 00:02:26.180 --> 00:02:28.180 you know that summer and March break are my favorite 00:02:28.180 --> 00:02:30.919 because we have the kids there all day and they 00:02:30.919 --> 00:02:34.900 just thrive. So anyways, I digress. I thought 00:02:34.900 --> 00:02:37.000 it was a perfect time to bring out an episode 00:02:37.000 --> 00:02:39.500 on understanding big emotions in school age children, 00:02:39.500 --> 00:02:42.740 because some of you might be leading camps. and 00:02:42.740 --> 00:02:46.080 need a little help with those big emotions. And 00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:48.879 then always a good time any other time of year 00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:52.620 to tackle this topic. Before we get into strategies, 00:02:52.620 --> 00:02:55.120 I want to just take a second to look at why big 00:02:55.120 --> 00:02:58.000 emotions show up. Some common reasons probably 00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:01.199 include holding it together all day and finally 00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:03.800 feeling safe enough to release the emotions in 00:03:03.800 --> 00:03:06.900 our environment, feeling overwhelmed by the transition 00:03:06.900 --> 00:03:09.139 between a structured and unstructured time of 00:03:09.139 --> 00:03:14.439 day, social and pure. conflicts or issues, difficulties 00:03:14.439 --> 00:03:18.039 with friendships, that's so hard. Sensory overload, 00:03:18.319 --> 00:03:20.240 there could be too much noise, too much activity, 00:03:20.539 --> 00:03:23.000 too much stimulation. Goodness knows when they 00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:27.159 get into that room, they are wired and everyone 00:03:27.159 --> 00:03:29.139 is seeing each other sometimes for the first 00:03:29.139 --> 00:03:31.819 time a day as different grades combine and it 00:03:31.819 --> 00:03:34.520 gets a little nutty. And then also personal struggles 00:03:34.520 --> 00:03:38.030 at home or in school. As ECEs, our rule isn't 00:03:38.030 --> 00:03:40.969 to fix these emotions, but it's to guide children 00:03:40.969 --> 00:03:43.650 in understanding and managing them. The key here, 00:03:43.650 --> 00:03:46.169 and I want to be specific, and I want you to 00:03:46.169 --> 00:03:48.030 take this away if nothing else today, the key 00:03:48.030 --> 00:03:51.090 is co -regulation. Helping children feel safe 00:03:51.090 --> 00:03:55.030 and supported before expecting them to self -regulate. 00:03:55.849 --> 00:04:00.409 I cannot stress this enough that I know adults 00:04:00.409 --> 00:04:02.680 that don't know how to self -regulate. How can 00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:04.900 we expect children to self -regulate when they 00:04:04.900 --> 00:04:08.020 haven't learned to regulate at all? We can't. 00:04:08.159 --> 00:04:10.360 Let's guide them. That's our job is to guide 00:04:10.360 --> 00:04:12.639 them and to show them how, and we can do that 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:15.810 by co -regulating. Let's just look at proactive 00:04:15.810 --> 00:04:18.790 strategies in setting our kids up for success. 00:04:18.930 --> 00:04:21.750 Let's start with the strategies that help prevent 00:04:21.750 --> 00:04:25.629 these emotional overwhelms before it even happens. 00:04:25.889 --> 00:04:29.410 My first suggestion is emotion check -ins. At 00:04:29.410 --> 00:04:31.970 the beginning of your program, do a quick emotional 00:04:31.970 --> 00:04:34.250 check -in. This can be as simple as asking, hey, 00:04:34.269 --> 00:04:36.889 how are you feeling today? Or using a mood meter 00:04:36.889 --> 00:04:39.550 where kids point to a color that represents their 00:04:39.550 --> 00:04:42.350 emotion. When kids feel seen and heard, they're 00:04:42.350 --> 00:04:45.310 more likely to rate their emotions before they 00:04:45.310 --> 00:04:48.149 escalate. It's also a great way to contribute 00:04:48.149 --> 00:04:50.850 to that connection building and belonging feeling 00:04:50.850 --> 00:04:54.389 that we so aspire to have. Also building emotional 00:04:54.389 --> 00:04:57.870 literacy. Help kids name and understand their 00:04:57.870 --> 00:05:01.670 emotion. Use books and storytelling or role playing 00:05:01.670 --> 00:05:04.370 to talk about feelings and ways to handle them. 00:05:04.449 --> 00:05:06.829 And for younger school age, visuals with different 00:05:06.829 --> 00:05:10.790 facial expressions can be helpful. I love story 00:05:10.790 --> 00:05:13.290 time, even for school -agers. get them involved 00:05:13.290 --> 00:05:15.490 in telling the story, get them involved in reading 00:05:15.490 --> 00:05:18.470 the story. It's a great way to build that trusting 00:05:18.470 --> 00:05:20.670 relationship. I also want you to think about 00:05:20.670 --> 00:05:23.410 and challenge you to create a calm environment. 00:05:23.750 --> 00:05:28.050 I know it's not easy. And depending on your, 00:05:28.089 --> 00:05:31.269 we'll call it a situation, where you're set up 00:05:31.269 --> 00:05:34.800 in the school, it could be even harder. Try to 00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:37.759 designate a quiet corner where children can take 00:05:37.759 --> 00:05:40.040 a break if they need to, where you can equip 00:05:40.040 --> 00:05:42.699 it with stress balls, breathing cards, or soft 00:05:42.699 --> 00:05:46.300 seating, and let kids know it's okay to step 00:05:46.300 --> 00:05:49.759 away when they need to be regulated or when they 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:53.180 need to regulate. Predictability and transitions 00:05:53.180 --> 00:05:55.980 is going to help. Sudden changes can be triggered 00:05:55.980 --> 00:05:59.399 by big emotions. Use visual schedules, use some 00:05:59.399 --> 00:06:03.639 countdowns, or my favorite, transition songs 00:06:03.639 --> 00:06:06.620 to help move from one activity to another smoothly. 00:06:06.980 --> 00:06:09.319 Offering choices like, would you like to clean 00:06:09.319 --> 00:06:13.439 it up now or in two minutes? Or... I see there's 00:06:13.439 --> 00:06:16.300 a watermelon and a pear on the floor. Are you 00:06:16.300 --> 00:06:18.100 picking up the watermelon first or are you picking 00:06:18.100 --> 00:06:21.360 up the pear first? Saying, oh, what color block 00:06:21.360 --> 00:06:23.360 are you picking up first? Or are you picking 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:26.060 up the blue block first or the red block first? 00:06:26.220 --> 00:06:28.420 This gives children a sense of control and makes 00:06:28.420 --> 00:06:31.180 it less likely that they're going to push back 00:06:31.180 --> 00:06:34.019 when giving them that choice. Now, I want to 00:06:34.019 --> 00:06:36.860 shift focus a little bit to in the moment strategies, 00:06:37.000 --> 00:06:40.160 responding when big emotions arise. Despite all 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:43.339 of our best efforts and I know our efforts are 00:06:43.339 --> 00:06:46.300 best. Big emotions are still gonna happen. Let's 00:06:46.300 --> 00:06:49.720 go over some common scenarios and how to handle 00:06:49.720 --> 00:06:52.279 them. The first one I'm thinking is the after 00:06:52.279 --> 00:06:55.199 school meltdown. A child arrives at your program 00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:57.899 and immediately starts crying, refusing to join 00:06:57.899 --> 00:07:02.139 activities. Your response should be to stay calm. 00:07:02.459 --> 00:07:04.899 Validate their feelings. You could say something 00:07:04.899 --> 00:07:07.879 like, I see that you're really upset. It's okay 00:07:07.879 --> 00:07:10.500 to feel that way. Offer them some space. You 00:07:10.500 --> 00:07:12.579 could say something like, would you like to sit 00:07:12.579 --> 00:07:14.939 here for a bit or would you like to take a walk 00:07:14.939 --> 00:07:18.279 with me? And then also focus on grounding techniques 00:07:18.279 --> 00:07:21.000 such as encouraging deep breaths, counting to 00:07:21.000 --> 00:07:23.699 10 or even squeezing a stress ball. This will 00:07:23.699 --> 00:07:29.500 take the focus off the action and take the focus 00:07:29.500 --> 00:07:32.279 off the big transition that they just had and 00:07:32.279 --> 00:07:35.689 it will help them. relaxed into the space. That'll 00:07:35.689 --> 00:07:39.689 also provide that trusting, caring adult relationship 00:07:39.689 --> 00:07:42.670 that we want. Okay. Scenario two. Two children 00:07:42.670 --> 00:07:45.769 start arguing and voices get louder. This is, 00:07:45.769 --> 00:07:47.790 this is a funny one that I came up with. It's 00:07:47.790 --> 00:07:49.689 not that funny, but it's funny because I'm loud. 00:07:49.769 --> 00:07:52.209 So every time I go into a room, my educators 00:07:52.209 --> 00:07:54.009 here, and I call them my educators. They're not 00:07:54.009 --> 00:07:56.129 my educators. I don't own them, but the educators 00:07:56.129 --> 00:07:58.689 that work at my center know that when I come 00:07:58.689 --> 00:08:01.089 in a room, I tend to get everyone riled up because 00:08:01.089 --> 00:08:04.399 I'm so loud. But anyways, two children start 00:08:04.399 --> 00:08:07.540 arguing and voices get louder. You want to step 00:08:07.540 --> 00:08:12.120 in calmly. I see you two are upset. Let's take 00:08:12.120 --> 00:08:14.199 a deep breath together. You also want to focus 00:08:14.199 --> 00:08:17.699 on those I statements. I felt sad when you took 00:08:17.699 --> 00:08:20.540 the ball because I wanted to play. Guide them 00:08:20.540 --> 00:08:23.060 towards the resolution. What can we do to solve 00:08:23.060 --> 00:08:26.819 this together? By giving children these tools 00:08:26.819 --> 00:08:29.360 and walking them through this process, they will 00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:32.730 know and eventually learn for next time. that 00:08:32.730 --> 00:08:36.149 this is a great way to problem solve. Soon they 00:08:36.149 --> 00:08:39.330 will not need you to step in right away. Soon 00:08:39.330 --> 00:08:41.830 they'll be able to focus at least on some of 00:08:41.830 --> 00:08:45.190 these steps together and solve the problem on 00:08:45.190 --> 00:08:48.850 their own. I am not saying that when you see 00:08:48.850 --> 00:08:50.830 a conflict that you have to step in right away, 00:08:51.230 --> 00:08:54.629 stay close, monitor what's happening and use 00:08:54.629 --> 00:08:56.470 your discretion when you're stepping in because 00:08:56.470 --> 00:08:59.610 sometimes they will figure it out themselves. 00:08:59.980 --> 00:09:02.620 My last scenario I wanted to talk about was struggling 00:09:02.620 --> 00:09:05.659 with transitions. A child resists cleaning up 00:09:05.659 --> 00:09:08.419 or moving on to the next activity. I've seen 00:09:08.419 --> 00:09:11.700 this a lot when it's time to go outside or time 00:09:11.700 --> 00:09:16.620 to go to the gym or time to go home where children 00:09:16.620 --> 00:09:22.240 are just having so much fun or they just feel 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:26.320 like they are not done playing and they don't 00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:28.559 want to tidy up and move on to the next thing. 00:09:28.750 --> 00:09:31.129 First and foremost, I want you to think about 00:09:31.129 --> 00:09:33.509 your program. I want you to think about the flexibility 00:09:33.509 --> 00:09:36.289 you have within your program and what you can 00:09:36.289 --> 00:09:40.090 do within that timeframe to be flexible. Because 00:09:40.090 --> 00:09:42.929 I am all for children following their interests 00:09:42.929 --> 00:09:46.429 and staying engaged. And if that means you, A, 00:09:46.610 --> 00:09:49.029 bring what they're playing from inside outside 00:09:49.029 --> 00:09:51.909 or outside inside, by all means do it. If that 00:09:51.909 --> 00:09:55.049 means offering snack to the room, but not making 00:09:55.049 --> 00:09:57.879 everyone tidy up and have snack. by all means 00:09:57.879 --> 00:10:00.399 do it. And if you are lucky enough to have more 00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:03.179 than one educator and one can take half out and 00:10:03.179 --> 00:10:07.360 the other can stay inside, by all means do it. 00:10:07.720 --> 00:10:11.360 Let children guide the program. If you still 00:10:11.360 --> 00:10:14.059 can't avoid this transition or it's one of those 00:10:14.059 --> 00:10:16.379 transitions that you can't avoid or just fix 00:10:16.379 --> 00:10:18.600 with flexibility, give a warning before your 00:10:18.600 --> 00:10:20.929 transitions. In five minutes, we're tidying up. 00:10:21.129 --> 00:10:23.110 And I don't mean just say it out loud. I mean 00:10:23.110 --> 00:10:26.570 set a clock or set up an hourglass or something 00:10:26.570 --> 00:10:28.929 visual that they can see that time is counting 00:10:28.929 --> 00:10:30.830 down. Then I'll first of all choice, would you 00:10:30.830 --> 00:10:33.470 like to clean the blocks up or the art supplies? 00:10:33.850 --> 00:10:36.830 Last, acknowledge the feelings. I know it's hard 00:10:36.830 --> 00:10:39.429 to stop playing. I can help you clean up if you'd 00:10:39.429 --> 00:10:43.169 like. Or we're allowed to feel disappointed for 00:10:43.169 --> 00:10:45.490 having to clean up. But this is what we're going 00:10:45.490 --> 00:10:47.779 to do next. Overall, I think the best thing we 00:10:47.779 --> 00:10:50.559 can do as educators, and I will say this until 00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:52.600 it blew in the face, is reflective strategies. 00:10:53.200 --> 00:10:56.700 Once the moment passes, once we handle a situation 00:10:56.700 --> 00:11:01.100 like this, I think the best thing to do is reflect 00:11:01.100 --> 00:11:04.539 for both the child and the educator. For the 00:11:04.539 --> 00:11:07.059 child, ask open -ended questions. What happened? 00:11:07.259 --> 00:11:09.539 How did it feel? What could you do differently 00:11:09.539 --> 00:11:11.779 next time? Or what could we do differently next 00:11:11.779 --> 00:11:14.259 time? and then encourage them to think of a calming 00:11:14.259 --> 00:11:16.960 strategy for future situations. For yourself, 00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:19.820 as an educator, I want you to reflect on what 00:11:19.820 --> 00:11:22.480 worked and what didn't work. Did the child need 00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:25.279 more transition support? Were they overtired 00:11:25.279 --> 00:11:28.860 or hungry? Take care of your own emotions. Supporting 00:11:28.860 --> 00:11:31.220 big emotions can be draining. Finding ways to 00:11:31.220 --> 00:11:33.879 recharge and debrief with colleagues if needed 00:11:33.879 --> 00:11:36.879 is definitely necessary. When you think of a 00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:38.879 child, whether or not they're overtired or hungry 00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:40.799 and this situation happens, I want you to think 00:11:40.799 --> 00:11:43.879 about good old Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:46.960 your bases aren't filled, you're never going 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:50.399 to move up. This is the same for us. If our cup 00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:53.860 is empty, you can't pour from it. You can't help 00:11:53.860 --> 00:11:57.200 someone work through their emotions if you're 00:11:57.200 --> 00:12:00.240 having big emotions or if you're drained already. 00:12:00.580 --> 00:12:03.340 I want you to remember that handling big emotions 00:12:03.340 --> 00:12:06.570 isn't about eliminating them. It's about guiding 00:12:06.570 --> 00:12:09.929 children through them with connection and with 00:12:09.929 --> 00:12:12.950 patience. When we create an environment of emotional 00:12:12.950 --> 00:12:16.929 safety, kids learn lifelong self -regulation 00:12:16.929 --> 00:12:19.450 skills. If you found today's episode helpful, 00:12:20.190 --> 00:12:22.789 I'd love for you to share it with a fellow educator 00:12:22.789 --> 00:12:25.269 or leave a review. And if you have strategies 00:12:25.269 --> 00:12:27.809 or experiences to share, connect with me on social 00:12:27.809 --> 00:12:30.450 media. I would love to hear from you. Thanks 00:12:30.450 --> 00:12:33.129 so much for tuning in to the Forgotten ECE. Until 00:12:33.129 --> 00:12:35.590 next time, keep making a difference and happy 00:12:35.590 --> 00:13:00.840 learning. you