Welcome back to the Forgotten ECE, the podcast
that shines a light on the realities of working
in ECE, specifically before and after school
education. I'm your host, Jimmy Wegler. Thanks
so much for joining me. Today, we're going to
tackle a topic that every educator I think, I
would assume, has experienced, handling big emotions
in school -aged children. We all know children
often hold in their emotions throughout the school
day. And by the time they reach the before and
after school program, they may be exhausted,
probably overstimulated, and could be even dealing
with something that happened earlier. So how
do we support them with those big emotions when
they all come flooding out? Today, I'm going
to share proactive strategies and in the moment
responses to help you navigate these challenges.
I hope you're ready for a ride. Welcome to the
Forgotten ECE, the show where before and after
school educators, summer camp and PD staff and
CYWs have a place where they are seen, heard,
and valued. I'm your host, Jamie Wakeler, and
I am so excited you're here. Okay, happy Sunday,
if you're listening to me on Sunday. Thanks for
joining me today. I'm hoping that when this is
released that it's actually super sunny and nice
out because I'm in Trafford, Ontario, which I'm
sure I said before, but in case I didn't, that's
where I'm at. And I am so tired of the snow and
the cold and the grossness. And I'm sure if you're
listening, you might be too, or maybe you've
never actually experienced snow and you think
it's really great. So I mean, kudos to you and
you can have some anytime you want to. But I'm
over it. I'm ready for the hot. I'm ready for
the summer. I'm ready for the spring. With that,
I wanted to bring to you understanding big emotions
in school -aged children because it happens.
And we're about to head into my favorite season.
like school season, the second half of the year,
the after March break half, where we have March
break and then we have only a couple months left
until summer. If you listened to me last season,
you know that summer and March break are my favorite
because we have the kids there all day and they
just thrive. So anyways, I digress. I thought
it was a perfect time to bring out an episode
on understanding big emotions in school age children,
because some of you might be leading camps. and
need a little help with those big emotions. And
then always a good time any other time of year
to tackle this topic. Before we get into strategies,
I want to just take a second to look at why big
emotions show up. Some common reasons probably
include holding it together all day and finally
feeling safe enough to release the emotions in
our environment, feeling overwhelmed by the transition
between a structured and unstructured time of
day, social and pure. conflicts or issues, difficulties
with friendships, that's so hard. Sensory overload,
there could be too much noise, too much activity,
too much stimulation. Goodness knows when they
get into that room, they are wired and everyone
is seeing each other sometimes for the first
time a day as different grades combine and it
gets a little nutty. And then also personal struggles
at home or in school. As ECEs, our rule isn't
to fix these emotions, but it's to guide children
in understanding and managing them. The key here,
and I want to be specific, and I want you to
take this away if nothing else today, the key
is co -regulation. Helping children feel safe
and supported before expecting them to self -regulate.
I cannot stress this enough that I know adults
that don't know how to self -regulate. How can
we expect children to self -regulate when they
haven't learned to regulate at all? We can't.
Let's guide them. That's our job is to guide
them and to show them how, and we can do that
by co -regulating. Let's just look at proactive
strategies in setting our kids up for success.
Let's start with the strategies that help prevent
these emotional overwhelms before it even happens.
My first suggestion is emotion check -ins. At
the beginning of your program, do a quick emotional
check -in. This can be as simple as asking, hey,
how are you feeling today? Or using a mood meter
where kids point to a color that represents their
emotion. When kids feel seen and heard, they're
more likely to rate their emotions before they
escalate. It's also a great way to contribute
to that connection building and belonging feeling
that we so aspire to have. Also building emotional
literacy. Help kids name and understand their
emotion. Use books and storytelling or role playing
to talk about feelings and ways to handle them.
And for younger school age, visuals with different
facial expressions can be helpful. I love story
time, even for school -agers. get them involved
in telling the story, get them involved in reading
the story. It's a great way to build that trusting
relationship. I also want you to think about
and challenge you to create a calm environment.
I know it's not easy. And depending on your,
we'll call it a situation, where you're set up
in the school, it could be even harder. Try to
designate a quiet corner where children can take
a break if they need to, where you can equip
it with stress balls, breathing cards, or soft
seating, and let kids know it's okay to step
away when they need to be regulated or when they
need to regulate. Predictability and transitions
is going to help. Sudden changes can be triggered
by big emotions. Use visual schedules, use some
countdowns, or my favorite, transition songs
to help move from one activity to another smoothly.
Offering choices like, would you like to clean
it up now or in two minutes? Or... I see there's
a watermelon and a pear on the floor. Are you
picking up the watermelon first or are you picking
up the pear first? Saying, oh, what color block
are you picking up first? Or are you picking
up the blue block first or the red block first?
This gives children a sense of control and makes
it less likely that they're going to push back
when giving them that choice. Now, I want to
shift focus a little bit to in the moment strategies,
responding when big emotions arise. Despite all
of our best efforts and I know our efforts are
best. Big emotions are still gonna happen. Let's
go over some common scenarios and how to handle
them. The first one I'm thinking is the after
school meltdown. A child arrives at your program
and immediately starts crying, refusing to join
activities. Your response should be to stay calm.
Validate their feelings. You could say something
like, I see that you're really upset. It's okay
to feel that way. Offer them some space. You
could say something like, would you like to sit
here for a bit or would you like to take a walk
with me? And then also focus on grounding techniques
such as encouraging deep breaths, counting to
10 or even squeezing a stress ball. This will
take the focus off the action and take the focus
off the big transition that they just had and
it will help them. relaxed into the space. That'll
also provide that trusting, caring adult relationship
that we want. Okay. Scenario two. Two children
start arguing and voices get louder. This is,
this is a funny one that I came up with. It's
not that funny, but it's funny because I'm loud.
So every time I go into a room, my educators
here, and I call them my educators. They're not
my educators. I don't own them, but the educators
that work at my center know that when I come
in a room, I tend to get everyone riled up because
I'm so loud. But anyways, two children start
arguing and voices get louder. You want to step
in calmly. I see you two are upset. Let's take
a deep breath together. You also want to focus
on those I statements. I felt sad when you took
the ball because I wanted to play. Guide them
towards the resolution. What can we do to solve
this together? By giving children these tools
and walking them through this process, they will
know and eventually learn for next time. that
this is a great way to problem solve. Soon they
will not need you to step in right away. Soon
they'll be able to focus at least on some of
these steps together and solve the problem on
their own. I am not saying that when you see
a conflict that you have to step in right away,
stay close, monitor what's happening and use
your discretion when you're stepping in because
sometimes they will figure it out themselves.
My last scenario I wanted to talk about was struggling
with transitions. A child resists cleaning up
or moving on to the next activity. I've seen
this a lot when it's time to go outside or time
to go to the gym or time to go home where children
are just having so much fun or they just feel
like they are not done playing and they don't
want to tidy up and move on to the next thing.
First and foremost, I want you to think about
your program. I want you to think about the flexibility
you have within your program and what you can
do within that timeframe to be flexible. Because
I am all for children following their interests
and staying engaged. And if that means you, A,
bring what they're playing from inside outside
or outside inside, by all means do it. If that
means offering snack to the room, but not making
everyone tidy up and have snack. by all means
do it. And if you are lucky enough to have more
than one educator and one can take half out and
the other can stay inside, by all means do it.
Let children guide the program. If you still
can't avoid this transition or it's one of those
transitions that you can't avoid or just fix
with flexibility, give a warning before your
transitions. In five minutes, we're tidying up.
And I don't mean just say it out loud. I mean
set a clock or set up an hourglass or something
visual that they can see that time is counting
down. Then I'll first of all choice, would you
like to clean the blocks up or the art supplies?
Last, acknowledge the feelings. I know it's hard
to stop playing. I can help you clean up if you'd
like. Or we're allowed to feel disappointed for
having to clean up. But this is what we're going
to do next. Overall, I think the best thing we
can do as educators, and I will say this until
it blew in the face, is reflective strategies.
Once the moment passes, once we handle a situation
like this, I think the best thing to do is reflect
for both the child and the educator. For the
child, ask open -ended questions. What happened?
How did it feel? What could you do differently
next time? Or what could we do differently next
time? and then encourage them to think of a calming
strategy for future situations. For yourself,
as an educator, I want you to reflect on what
worked and what didn't work. Did the child need
more transition support? Were they overtired
or hungry? Take care of your own emotions. Supporting
big emotions can be draining. Finding ways to
recharge and debrief with colleagues if needed
is definitely necessary. When you think of a
child, whether or not they're overtired or hungry
and this situation happens, I want you to think
about good old Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If
your bases aren't filled, you're never going
to move up. This is the same for us. If our cup
is empty, you can't pour from it. You can't help
someone work through their emotions if you're
having big emotions or if you're drained already.
I want you to remember that handling big emotions
isn't about eliminating them. It's about guiding
children through them with connection and with
patience. When we create an environment of emotional
safety, kids learn lifelong self -regulation
skills. If you found today's episode helpful,
I'd love for you to share it with a fellow educator
or leave a review. And if you have strategies
or experiences to share, connect with me on social
media. I would love to hear from you. Thanks
so much for tuning in to the Forgotten ECE. Until
next time, keep making a difference and happy
learning. you