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Hello everybody. I am Colin of Alithea. Real quick, I just wanted to touch on

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some topics regarding the third podcast. I feel really embarrassed about it. I

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left a lot of ideas unfinished. I didn't think I would talk or get into the topic

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of divorce besides mentioning it real quick and then we kind of just ended up

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talking about divorce for a good part of the podcast and then kind of just left

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it unfinished. So I apologize about that. This is gonna be kind of a part two to

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that podcast where I'm actually gonna elaborate on some of those ideas. And

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again, just a quick disclaimer for this podcast. I'm not actually gonna be

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reading any additional Bible verses. I may touch on some or just refresh

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people on the Bible verses we mentioned on the other podcast. The third one

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regarding marriage. But this one is gonna deal more with church history and also

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a bit of my opinion. And I will mention when we get to my opinion that this is

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my opinion. This isn't something found in the Bible. This isn't something that is

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taught. Just again, my opinion. And once again, I will mention when we get there

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or to those parts. So I guess to start off with, I'm gonna reread Mark 10 verse

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9, which again we read in the other podcast, the third one. But this is the

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one that kind of led me down the path of getting on the way to divorce, which

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again I apologize. Doesn't mean to stray so far off. But just reading again from

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Mark chapter 10 verse 9. Again, we're reading from the King James version of

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the Bible. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. So again,

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just gonna refresh everyone on the ideas that were touched on. I had mentioned

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that this verse implies, well not implies, directly says that God has joined this

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marriage. Well, a marriage. Sorry if I say this a lot. I'm not actually talking about a specific one. But a

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marriage happens. A union comes together. Two people come together with God's

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blessing. And God actually joins this union of marriage. This isn't just two

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people just kind of chilling with a little piece of paper that where the

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government says, oh you get some tax benefits. You know, this is actually a

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very religious and theological virtue is what marriage is. And God actually enters

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into that. So then obviously what we then get to is divorce. Divorce is the

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ripping apart of that union. And for this podcast I'm gonna break it down into

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three different, I guess, subcategories. And one of them not really being divorced,

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more of a widowing. So that would be your spouse dies. That's obviously very

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different than divorce. And then I'm gonna break it also into two additional

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categories of divorce. One where it's kind of just, oh like you mutually like

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don't like each other anymore and you just want to separate. And then the third

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one would be where it is not mutual. Where there's up-hitch potentially some

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violence in the household. Where you thought you were getting into something

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and you didn't. And now that I've actually touched you on that, I'm gonna add a fourth

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category, annulment. This is something that's practiced in the Catholic Church.

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So I know a lot of people who are listening to this aren't Catholic, but I'll just

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touch on that real quick just for people who don't understand what that is. So

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starting off, I guess in that order, your spouse dies. You've become a

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widow. And so just for the sake of argument, we're gonna say that you know

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and I had a perfect marriage, but it was good. You would have never divorced this

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person in life. You have a family together. I'll say even you have kids. Kids are

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obviously a very big deal in life and obviously in a marriage. But in

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the circumstances of when your spouse dies, I don't actually think kids alters

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that fact too much. And I hear a lot of people argue that kids actually

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drastically change the fact of being a widow. And I see where that's coming from

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obviously. In life, being a single parent, especially the young kids, it's

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incredibly difficult. So I'm not trying to say it's not difficult, but what I am

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saying is that as a theological, like the theological virtue of what marriage is,

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you and another person join together with God. I don't actually think having

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kids changes that union in the regards of when your spouse dies. So again, I'm

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just gonna use an example I hear a lot. People will say you've married

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someone and that spouse has died. You're still married to that person in a

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theological sense. Your marriage wasn't broken. It's been damaged, I would say, or

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I guess separated. There's been a separation in this union, but that will

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one day be mended when you both enter into the kingdom of God. So I've always

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found it a little silly when people then pursue another spouse and their previous

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marriage is great. And obviously I'm a young guy, I'm 21, I'm getting married

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right now, I haven't been married, I don't understand that pain. So I'm not, again,

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I'm not gonna sit in your pretend I don't understand why someone would want a

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life partner when their previous life partner has passed. But again, we're gonna

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just stick on more of the high-in-the-sky theological thinking right

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now. So again, you've married someone, your spouse has died, they're in heaven,

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and you two will once again be joined in heaven. So then what happens when you

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marry another person? Is your previous marriage no longer valid? Because

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obviously you can't be married to two people at once. Is your current marriage

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not valid? That would be my argument. Are you gonna go to heaven and introduce

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your wives together? It's a little silly, right? So I guess I just kind of showed

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what I think on that. Again, sorry, I said I'll mention what's my opinion and I

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kind of neglected to do that. This is a little bit of church teaching, a little

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bit of my opinion. The church teaches that, well, you can't get married once

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you've already been married, even if you get divorced. Once again, reading from

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Mark 10 9, God joined this together, no man can rip it apart, not even the person

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in that union of marriage. So you rip your marriage apart, well, God has put it

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together, and then if you go on to marry someone else, well, you're still married

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to the other person, even if the government says you've divorced, you

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are still together with that person. And then coming full circle, sorry, I kind of

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rambled there. You guys are probably catching up on my trend. I tend to get

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lost in my trend, I thought a lot, but bringing it back how this started up,

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kids in the mix. So then people will say, okay, your spouse died, but now you're a

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single parent. And what people will say is it may be appropriate to remarry

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someone, not because you're actually getting married, but just to have someone

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to support you financially, to support your kids, to support, you know, you're

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married in every sense of the word except the theological sense. Once again,

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I completely understand where that's coming from. Single parents have it

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incredibly rough. And obviously, this could be a whole other topic on a

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podcast. But again, we're just going to stick to kind of this high in the sky

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theological thinking right now. You actually aren't married to that person.

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It's kind of just a full stop. And again, there's nothing wrong with having, like

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let's say, your neighbors or your friends or even someone that you feel romantic

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interest in helping you out, helping your kids. That's all perfectly

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acceptable, but we're sitting on the top of a marriage and you're actually just not married

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to that person if your spouse has died. Your marriage has not been broken. You've

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just been separated from your spouse for the time being. So it's kind of just a

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full stop that you're not married to this person that you've now remarried. So

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again, that's not quite divorce. I just wanted to start with that because I know

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a lot of people will bring that up. And again, when kids are in the mix, very

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tough thing. So now moving on to a more literal sense of divorce. You hear this a

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lot in our modern culture where you have two people, they got married, and they

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don't like each other anymore. I think the legal term is unreconcilable

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differences is the legal term I believe. It's where two people just

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don't like each other anymore and they get divorced. So there's kind of two

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glaring issues with that. One, actually let me take a step back there real quick.

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I'm actually gonna, I just want to explain something real quick. There's a

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lot of studies that have come out that say that people who live together before

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they get married are a lot more likely to get divorced. And I believe why that

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is is you get these people that moving together and their relationship is

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actually kind of shaky. You know it's not like horrible. It could be

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horrible, but I feel the vast majority of times it's shaky, it's not great, it's

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not bad, but you probably shouldn't be getting married though. And then you'll

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get these people, these two people are getting married, and they think that

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marriage will fix everything basically. They get married and then they realize

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oh we're still living together. Nothing's really changed in our life. You know you

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get people who say they're practically married, they're living together and all

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this stuff. And they get married and nothing changes and that it almost like

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smothers a fire in the relationship. So a lot of times you get people like that

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who are then the people who will go on to get divorced for un-

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reconcilable differences. So again two things I want to just touch on there. One

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is if you're getting married, obviously you should see eye to eye on the

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important things in life with this person. I think I mentioned this in the

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last podcast, I actually don't remember if I did, so I'm saying it now if I

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didn't, that obviously you don't need to see eye to eye with your spouse on

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everything, but there are big ones obviously. We as Christians believe that

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you should be brothers and sisters in Christ. Now you don't need to agree on

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your hobbies, you don't need to agree on these minor things. You don't even

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necessarily need to agree on you know politics, the big thing that people will

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dispute over. But as long as you're a Christian and you approach the

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world from a Christian mindset, a lot of things can then be reconciled with that

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understanding. So sorry I keep rambling here, I apologize again everyone, but

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these un-reconcilable differences aren't really gonna happen if you approach

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world with a Christian understanding. And then the second thing I want to touch on

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is you'll get again these people who then get married and they think

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things are gonna change. This is why I'm a really big advocate. I just mentioned

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these studies a lot, or studies that come out where if you are living together and

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then you get married, you have a high rate of divorce, this is actually why

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throughout all, if not, I'm sorry I don't know if it's all church history or most,

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but it's one of those two. The vast majority of church history you were

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taught not to move in together, you were not taught to, or you were taught not to

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have intercourse before marriage, you were taught a lot of these rather strict

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rules and a lot of people got really upset about these rules and you know you

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hear this all the time. But there's actually a reason that God gives us these

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rules. He's not pointing and laughing at us going,

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Tee hee hee, I'm making you guys wait until marriage to do what you want to do.

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No, like God understands that partaking in these acts actually harms us and I

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think that's something that people lose sight of a lot. So moving on to the third,

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form a divorce, I want to say form, that's not right, but the third thing I had

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mentioned with divorce is violence in the household. You hear this a lot also

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in our modern day and age. You've one spouse, typically a guy who is abusive, is

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violent, is kind of just an animal, doesn't really know how to control himself

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around his wife, well it really about anyone, but when you live together is a

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lot of times you get struck at your wife. This is what domestic

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disputes and violence are. So obviously what the culture will tell us is

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obviously the woman just needs to leave the man and I'm gonna really upset some

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people by saying this, but I don't think it's actually even appropriate for

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divorce in those scenarios either when a husband, or spouse, you know again

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typically the husband but the wife can do this too, when someone's violent

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against the other one. Now I'm not saying that a separation can't be in order, I'm

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not even saying where the law maybe might even need to get involved, especially

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there are kids in the mix, then people do need to intervene in times like that. I'm

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not saying that people just need to sit there and bear it, but that actually

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isn't an acceptable reason for divorce though. Once again going back to Mark 10

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verse 9, God has joined this union of marriage and nothing in this world can

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separate it. Now it's kind of a cliche where people will say you can't marry

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someone expecting them to change, which is very true if you should never marry

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someone not okay with who they are. So a lot of these scenarios could just be

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avoided if, I'm gonna sound like I'm victim blaming, but if you would talk to

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your family and look out for red flags, a lot of times these scenarios can be

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avoided. But for the sake of argument, you're married now. You merely, you were

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dating a violent man and now you married a violent man and he is just an

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incredibly violent person. This is when obviously the church should get

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involved. Even, you could even go to counseling, you know marriage counseling

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for stuff like this, I would obviously, me being in the church, I would advocate

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going to the church to talk these things out. But counseling obviously another

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great resource. But really all of this just to say that you can't divorce this

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person though, and even if you separate from them and never see them again, they

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get thrown behind in jail for doing something unspeakably violent, like

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that's still your husband or wife. That is still not an acceptable reason for

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divorce. And again I know that this is gonna be very controversial and painful

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to hear for a lot of people. Again I have people in my family that are very near

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and dear to me that had divorced their husbands because of violence and

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adultery and for many things. So again I don't mean to come off as cold

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and callous and not understanding I do. And I know there's gonna be some

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discussion, well I hope there's some discussion in the comments. I don't want

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people to walk away from this thinking I'm some cold-hearted person just saying

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get over it. So please any feedback is very appreciated. Email us, leave in the

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comments. I will engage with it and please, truly please do reach out if you

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have any confusion or if you think that I'm coming from this from a wrong angle.

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I will help clear that up. And fourth thing I just wanted to touch on is

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annulment. And this kind of encompasses the other three things we talked about

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with divorce. This is something that the Catholic Church does when two people are

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I'm gonna say quote-unquote married because I'll explain the process of

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annulment. So I'm gonna say quote-unquote married right now and I'll explain. So

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where people are quote-unquote married and then it would seemingly be a divorce

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but in a technicality it's not actually a divorce. So what annulment is is

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basically an investigation into a marriage where the church finds out that

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one of the two or even both spouses weren't serious about their marriage

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vows about I don't want to say being faithful because you can cheat in a

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marriage and then that's still a marriage but if you were cheating

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throughout the process of getting married then you didn't uphold your vow

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and then therefore you weren't actually married. And it's kind of a it's a weird

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kind of technicality thing and a lot of people will say well you're just getting

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divorced anyway but again when it's like high in the sky theological thinking it

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does actually matter. So I just want to touch on that. Again I've got people in

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my family or I assume to be family, family-in-law. I've gone through this

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where they would have again quote-unquote married someone and then

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this person was actually lying about basically their entire identity. It was a

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very strange Vegas marriage and then the church deemed an annulment appropriate.

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They said oh yeah your wife you basically don't know her at all and this

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marriage clearly was never actually a thing. And that's the important

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piece of information to take away from annulment. It's not saying that you were

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married and now that marriage has been destroyed. It's actually saying that this

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marriage was never valid in the first place. It's almost to use the phrase I

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keep saying if a marriage is when two people come together and God enters that

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relationship it would almost be like if two people came together and God never

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entered that relationship because it was an invalid relationship. And then the

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church finds out about it later on and then they basically did the investigation

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and find out oh yeah this marriage was never valid to use that term again

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quote-unquote. You know they don't know that God never entered it but that would

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be the almost wording of that I guess I would use if I was a priest there and I

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was using the word I've been using this whole podcast basically saying God never

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entered this union therefore it's not a marriage. So that's gonna wrap up we're

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gonna call this part two of the third podcast. Again I'm not meaning to upset

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anyone with this. I'm not meaning to come as cold and callous. I apologize if I do

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please if there's any confusion leave in the comments email us I would be happy

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to respond and sort out anything. If you have questions or if you want me to

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elaborate further on a topic I would be more than happy to. So please please

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please if you want to reach out please do it. I've said this every podcast I've

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recorded but sorry I'm still feeling kind of sick so I apologize for my voice and

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I was gonna do it for the part two of the third podcast and have a very

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blessed day everyone.