WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.500
Welcome to the Behind the Shield podcast. My

00:00:01.500 --> 00:00:04.139
name is James Geering, and this is episode 166,

00:00:04.339 --> 00:00:06.960
and I am extremely excited to bring my next guest,

00:00:07.219 --> 00:00:11.820
Dr. Belisa Vranic, to all of you. This conversation

00:00:11.820 --> 00:00:15.640
went a number of different directions, and it

00:00:15.640 --> 00:00:17.920
was... Amazing. By the time I put the headphones

00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:20.320
down at the end of the recording, I was blown

00:00:20.320 --> 00:00:23.800
away what we discussed. So Dr. Vranic was initially

00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:27.079
a clinical psychologist. She found her way into

00:00:27.079 --> 00:00:30.359
breath work and founded the breathing class using

00:00:30.359 --> 00:00:33.600
breathing techniques to create wellness in the

00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:36.960
body, both physiologically and mentally. She's

00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:39.340
worked with a host of people from civilians to

00:00:39.340 --> 00:00:41.920
military to first responders. And you're going

00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:45.039
to be inspired at the end of this about the way

00:00:45.039 --> 00:00:48.119
you sit, the way you breathe. But also we explored

00:00:48.119 --> 00:00:52.399
sex as well. So kind of addressing some of the

00:00:52.399 --> 00:00:55.179
myths that we hear, maybe some of our peers bragging

00:00:55.179 --> 00:00:58.520
about our misconceptions of maybe what the opposite

00:00:58.520 --> 00:01:01.479
sex wants in the bedroom. Both topics that we

00:01:01.479 --> 00:01:03.240
haven't really addressed on this show yet. But

00:01:03.240 --> 00:01:06.060
another bonus, as far as I'm concerned, on top

00:01:06.060 --> 00:01:09.390
of the work that she's best known for. So with

00:01:09.390 --> 00:01:11.269
that being said, as I always say, go to your

00:01:11.269 --> 00:01:13.870
podcast apps. Please rate the show, subscribe,

00:01:14.269 --> 00:01:17.469
share the show. And most importantly, as I say

00:01:17.469 --> 00:01:19.909
every single time, use your social media for

00:01:19.909 --> 00:01:22.290
good. It can be such a great platform to spread

00:01:22.290 --> 00:01:24.450
knowledge. And every single one of these men

00:01:24.450 --> 00:01:26.670
and women that I have on this podcast have so

00:01:26.670 --> 00:01:29.129
much great information that will change lives.

00:01:29.450 --> 00:01:31.750
And I just ask you to be part of the solution

00:01:31.750 --> 00:01:34.670
by helping me share these episodes. So with that

00:01:34.670 --> 00:01:38.170
being said, I introduce to you Dr. Belisa Vranic.

00:01:38.579 --> 00:02:00.959
Enjoy. Dr. Valisa, first I just want to say thank

00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:03.959
you so, so much for coming on the show. I know

00:02:03.959 --> 00:02:05.920
we had a fantastic conversation the other day.

00:02:08.539 --> 00:02:10.379
learning more about you and listening to some

00:02:10.379 --> 00:02:11.939
of the podcasts that you've been on I'm very

00:02:11.939 --> 00:02:14.560
very excited about this conversation. Well you

00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:16.379
can't be more excited than I am because I actually

00:02:16.379 --> 00:02:19.139
am a fan of the podcast from before we actually

00:02:19.139 --> 00:02:21.860
spoke and I can't say that about a lot of podcasts

00:02:21.860 --> 00:02:24.199
but I've been listening to you so I am deeply

00:02:24.199 --> 00:02:26.599
honored to be here and super excited about our

00:02:26.599 --> 00:02:28.719
conversation. Brilliant and how did you hear

00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:31.919
about the podcast? Well, I think it came up and,

00:02:31.919 --> 00:02:34.840
you know, recommended podcasts. And then the

00:02:34.840 --> 00:02:37.599
name jumped out at me because I talk about breathing

00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:39.599
behind the shield. So I thought, that's kind

00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:42.860
of interesting. Let me see what part of behind

00:02:42.860 --> 00:02:45.879
the shield they are talking about. Um, is it

00:02:45.879 --> 00:02:48.759
more of a, is it a metaphor? Is it, is it about

00:02:48.759 --> 00:02:51.360
the physiology of being behind a shield? Is it

00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:53.259
about the inner game of being behind the shield?

00:02:53.599 --> 00:02:57.680
So I was actually drawn to the name. Um, and

00:02:57.680 --> 00:02:59.960
then I looked at the folks you had interviewed

00:02:59.960 --> 00:03:01.680
and then I listened to a bunch of interviews

00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:04.259
and was like, Ooh, I would love to be on this

00:03:04.259 --> 00:03:06.729
podcast. There's some great stuff here. Yeah,

00:03:06.729 --> 00:03:09.050
no, it's going to be a very valuable, excuse

00:03:09.050 --> 00:03:13.409
me, a very valuable addition. And that's what's

00:03:13.409 --> 00:03:15.189
amazing. Like you say, which part is it? It's

00:03:15.189 --> 00:03:16.909
all of it. You know, everything, whether it's

00:03:16.909 --> 00:03:20.009
kindness, compassion, physiology, you know, mental

00:03:20.009 --> 00:03:23.289
health. And that's exactly it. I think we pigeonhole

00:03:23.289 --> 00:03:26.110
people and parts of people so much that we forget

00:03:26.110 --> 00:03:28.810
that they're part of this. Not only the person,

00:03:28.870 --> 00:03:34.139
but the entire planet that we live on. The whole

00:03:34.139 --> 00:03:37.439
concept of the shield is really important. As

00:03:37.439 --> 00:03:40.319
a psychologist, I mean, right now I'm looking

00:03:40.319 --> 00:03:43.060
at performance and breathing, but my background

00:03:43.060 --> 00:03:46.680
is as a clinical psychologist. So to me, I always

00:03:46.680 --> 00:03:48.560
look at the metaphor of what someone's talking

00:03:48.560 --> 00:03:51.900
about. And there's always interesting and humorous

00:03:51.900 --> 00:03:54.599
connections between the words they use. So for

00:03:54.599 --> 00:03:57.199
me, the shield, again, I think it was Kierkegaard

00:03:57.199 --> 00:04:03.289
who said, you know, is humor your shield? So

00:04:03.289 --> 00:04:05.590
and I know that with first responders, humor

00:04:05.590 --> 00:04:09.090
is definitely part of of the shield because it

00:04:09.090 --> 00:04:12.169
gets you through the day, even if it's dark and

00:04:12.169 --> 00:04:14.530
even if it seems inappropriate to other people

00:04:14.530 --> 00:04:17.750
to have humor be your shield. Yeah, there's no

00:04:17.750 --> 00:04:20.670
question about that. Absolutely. All right. Well,

00:04:20.750 --> 00:04:22.970
where are we finding you right now? Where are

00:04:22.970 --> 00:04:28.610
you calling from? So I right now am in New York

00:04:28.610 --> 00:04:33.839
City. So it's not my favorite place to be at

00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:37.120
the time of the year. I don't love the cold.

00:04:37.300 --> 00:04:39.939
I mean, I deal with it, but I'm in New York City,

00:04:40.040 --> 00:04:43.139
kind of in the middle of it. But I travel a lot.

00:04:43.180 --> 00:04:46.000
But right now, very center of New York City,

00:04:46.180 --> 00:04:50.579
dark, cold, rainy, full of Christmas shoppers.

00:04:51.319 --> 00:04:54.800
And were you born in New York area? So I was

00:04:54.800 --> 00:04:59.079
born in Wisconsin. So I actually should be used

00:04:59.079 --> 00:05:01.220
to the cold. And it's interesting because my

00:05:01.220 --> 00:05:05.319
mom says that I was ice skating on single blades

00:05:05.319 --> 00:05:09.649
when I was three. I have been around ice and

00:05:09.649 --> 00:05:12.629
cold for a long time. I don't know why. I don't

00:05:12.629 --> 00:05:15.970
like it as much anymore. But I was born in Wisconsin

00:05:15.970 --> 00:05:19.829
and then we moved and I spent several years abroad.

00:05:20.490 --> 00:05:23.350
One of the first places I lived was on this little

00:05:23.350 --> 00:05:26.910
island that was between Africa and Spain, right

00:05:26.910 --> 00:05:29.750
off the coast of Gibraltar called Tenerife, which

00:05:29.750 --> 00:05:32.029
is one of the Canary Islands. So I lived there

00:05:32.029 --> 00:05:35.980
when I was younger. And then most of my young

00:05:35.980 --> 00:05:39.019
adult life or adolescence was in Rockland County,

00:05:39.180 --> 00:05:42.220
which is where a lot of our first responders

00:05:42.220 --> 00:05:45.800
come from. And I went to school in North Carolina.

00:05:45.800 --> 00:05:48.879
I'm a Tar Heel. And right now, New York City

00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:51.100
is home, although I spend a lot, a lot of time

00:05:51.100 --> 00:05:54.800
traveling. Brilliant. And so when you were younger,

00:05:54.899 --> 00:05:57.220
I heard you talk about ballet and yoga. What

00:05:57.220 --> 00:05:59.579
were the sports that you kind of found yourself

00:05:59.579 --> 00:06:03.180
being drawn to? Well, you know, there wasn't

00:06:03.180 --> 00:06:07.100
as many choices as kids have now. So it was really

00:06:07.100 --> 00:06:10.839
about what was out there for kids and what was

00:06:10.839 --> 00:06:13.879
close by. And, you know, what could I walk to

00:06:13.879 --> 00:06:16.259
after school? So there was horseback riding.

00:06:17.240 --> 00:06:21.660
There was gymnastics. There was ballet. We didn't

00:06:21.660 --> 00:06:23.560
have martial arts for girls. And I don't know

00:06:23.560 --> 00:06:25.399
if that was good or bad for me because I know

00:06:25.399 --> 00:06:29.490
I would have been obsessed about it. But so I

00:06:29.490 --> 00:06:31.629
took, you know, any classes I could, which I

00:06:31.629 --> 00:06:34.709
ended up in ballet. And I was really tiny growing

00:06:34.709 --> 00:06:36.610
up. I was always the kid that was at the front

00:06:36.610 --> 00:06:39.310
of the line when you measured people up, you

00:06:39.310 --> 00:06:41.829
know, to get their pictures taken in school or,

00:06:41.870 --> 00:06:44.649
you know, just you put people in size category

00:06:44.649 --> 00:06:47.110
for some reason in grammar school. And I was

00:06:47.110 --> 00:06:48.569
always in the front because I was always tiny.

00:06:48.750 --> 00:06:51.370
So people always assumed, oh, I would be a ballerina

00:06:51.370 --> 00:06:56.990
or a gymnast because of my size. Fact is, if

00:06:56.990 --> 00:06:58.910
I was to do everything again, I would really

00:06:58.910 --> 00:07:05.569
push for getting me into martial arts a lot younger,

00:07:05.750 --> 00:07:08.810
a lot more quickly. I think the kids being in

00:07:08.810 --> 00:07:11.610
martial arts is really critical to their self

00:07:11.610 --> 00:07:15.089
-esteem. their sense of camaraderie and their

00:07:15.089 --> 00:07:18.629
sense of respect and motivation. So anyway, it

00:07:18.629 --> 00:07:21.769
was ballet, which means that I ended up ballet

00:07:21.769 --> 00:07:25.089
and gymnastics having a very bad posture when

00:07:25.089 --> 00:07:28.230
it came to breathing. um which is part of the

00:07:28.230 --> 00:07:30.209
reason it led me down that road but but yeah

00:07:30.209 --> 00:07:32.990
i can you know i have a ballet background which

00:07:32.990 --> 00:07:36.470
is completely useless for me right now well i'd

00:07:36.470 --> 00:07:37.769
love to touch on that for a moment because you

00:07:37.769 --> 00:07:40.930
we always think of ballerinas and yogis as well

00:07:40.930 --> 00:07:43.209
having the perfect posture that very upright

00:07:43.209 --> 00:07:46.850
posture but then you know you see gymnasts and

00:07:46.850 --> 00:07:49.670
ballerinas uh later in life and they're actually

00:07:49.670 --> 00:07:52.470
broken so what is it about the the ballet posture

00:07:52.470 --> 00:07:56.600
that creates that poor um ability to breathe

00:07:56.600 --> 00:07:59.480
correctly? You know, that's a great question

00:07:59.480 --> 00:08:01.879
because the ballet posture is also very similar

00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:08.319
to your sort of gym weightlifter posture. It's

00:08:08.319 --> 00:08:12.180
chest thrown forwards. So what, you know, what

00:08:12.180 --> 00:08:15.160
Leon Chaitau calls an open scissors pose where

00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:18.360
your ribs are flared forwards. The difference

00:08:18.360 --> 00:08:21.399
with ballerinas is that usually their feet go

00:08:21.399 --> 00:08:23.500
off in different directions, but the posture

00:08:23.500 --> 00:08:27.939
itself is this very stiff, beautiful posture

00:08:27.939 --> 00:08:30.879
in ballet where you're sucking in your gut, you're

00:08:30.879 --> 00:08:33.539
pushing out your chest, and there's a certain

00:08:33.539 --> 00:08:36.139
posture with your shoulders. But a lot of people

00:08:36.139 --> 00:08:38.159
have this particular posture that's completely

00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:41.080
open in the front. The problem with that posture

00:08:41.080 --> 00:08:43.500
is that you're completely crunched in the back.

00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:47.759
Although it looks beautiful both for bodybuilders

00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:50.879
and for ballerinas, you're not doing your posture

00:08:50.879 --> 00:08:54.279
justice because everything is crunching in the

00:08:54.279 --> 00:08:57.279
back of your body. You're breathing in a vertical,

00:08:57.500 --> 00:09:00.860
apical way, and you're squeezing all your digestive

00:09:00.860 --> 00:09:04.259
organs all the time. That posture is not good

00:09:04.259 --> 00:09:06.220
for anything in your body, especially if you

00:09:06.220 --> 00:09:10.240
do it for, as we usually do, 10, 20, 30 years.

00:09:10.659 --> 00:09:14.309
Right. Would that be the same kind of anatomy

00:09:14.309 --> 00:09:17.110
or posture that you see in the military when

00:09:17.110 --> 00:09:20.970
they're trying to be taught how to stand correctly

00:09:20.970 --> 00:09:25.049
with the chest puffed out? It's similar, although

00:09:25.049 --> 00:09:29.110
the bracing in it is very, very similar. Although

00:09:29.110 --> 00:09:32.409
in ballet, you're trying to keep your arms softer,

00:09:32.590 --> 00:09:35.470
but it's the bracing that's very similar. And

00:09:35.470 --> 00:09:38.210
that sort of bracing is something that we do

00:09:38.210 --> 00:09:41.919
all the time because It makes us feel prepared.

00:09:42.179 --> 00:09:45.080
So whether you're in the military or whether,

00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:48.320
regardless of the sport you do, what we're seeing

00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:51.000
now is people that have the middle of their body,

00:09:51.039 --> 00:09:52.860
sort of from their armpits all the way down to

00:09:52.860 --> 00:09:57.360
their pelvis, in this stiff, braced stance, which

00:09:57.360 --> 00:09:59.960
can feel very military. But the fact is that

00:09:59.960 --> 00:10:02.559
we're feeling, you know, like we're in a war

00:10:02.559 --> 00:10:05.700
zone, regardless of where we are. So it's this

00:10:05.700 --> 00:10:08.320
preparedness stance that makes you feel like

00:10:08.320 --> 00:10:11.179
you could run or strike. at any moment, but you

00:10:11.179 --> 00:10:13.960
just might be behind a computer or not in that

00:10:13.960 --> 00:10:17.220
situation just in this part of the day. Right,

00:10:17.320 --> 00:10:19.700
yeah. So that posture is designed purely for

00:10:19.700 --> 00:10:21.240
the battlefield, but you've got to know how to

00:10:21.240 --> 00:10:24.139
turn it on and off. You have to turn, and that's

00:10:24.139 --> 00:10:26.620
beautifully well said, is that you have to be

00:10:26.620 --> 00:10:29.159
able to turn it on and off. And when you turn

00:10:29.159 --> 00:10:32.480
it off, you take a deep, wide breath, which kind

00:10:32.480 --> 00:10:34.960
of decompresses your spine and lets you fall

00:10:34.960 --> 00:10:37.240
back slightly into a parasympathetic state. And

00:10:37.240 --> 00:10:39.110
it doesn't mean you get... you know, tired or

00:10:39.110 --> 00:10:41.090
woozy or sleepy. It just means you need to turn

00:10:41.090 --> 00:10:43.330
it off and then you turn it back on again. You

00:10:43.330 --> 00:10:45.409
turn it off, you turn it back on again. And that

00:10:45.409 --> 00:10:50.169
way you have control over your arousal in a spectrum.

00:10:50.269 --> 00:10:53.190
You're not completely awake or completely asleep.

00:10:53.389 --> 00:10:56.149
You can actually choose where you want to be

00:10:56.149 --> 00:10:59.649
as far as your state of arousal. Right now, just

00:10:59.649 --> 00:11:01.850
staying on the kids side for a moment, because

00:11:01.850 --> 00:11:05.389
you work with children as your early psychology

00:11:05.389 --> 00:11:09.210
career. So what is it about martial arts from

00:11:09.210 --> 00:11:12.350
a psychologist's point of view that works so

00:11:12.350 --> 00:11:13.769
well? I mean, I've seen it myself. My little

00:11:13.769 --> 00:11:17.490
boy's done jujitsu for five years now. What are

00:11:17.490 --> 00:11:20.429
the elements that you recognize are so beneficial

00:11:20.429 --> 00:11:25.690
for children? Oh, I mean, everything from discipline.

00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:32.759
to respect, to tolerating discomfort, to being

00:11:32.759 --> 00:11:37.360
able to make, you know, take steps to be able

00:11:37.360 --> 00:11:40.679
to get to your goal. I mean, it teaches you everything

00:11:40.679 --> 00:11:44.740
that we say is important for kids to learn. Camaraderie,

00:11:44.740 --> 00:11:51.179
you know, for me. Our children are so not tolerating

00:11:51.179 --> 00:11:53.539
any kind of discomfort that especially if you

00:11:53.539 --> 00:11:56.259
roll and you do jujitsu, you have to be uncomfortable.

00:11:56.559 --> 00:12:01.860
And that's just part of the game. But it's also

00:12:01.860 --> 00:12:04.480
really exciting when you get something right.

00:12:04.659 --> 00:12:07.240
So I don't think we have enough of what martial

00:12:07.240 --> 00:12:12.059
arts teaches in your average day. So that's why

00:12:12.059 --> 00:12:15.100
it's become more necessary. And especially for

00:12:15.100 --> 00:12:19.580
girls, that tumbling and that. you know, wrestling

00:12:19.580 --> 00:12:23.080
and being okay with, with body weight and somebody

00:12:23.080 --> 00:12:26.460
else's body weight and being able to push and

00:12:26.460 --> 00:12:28.600
use all your limbs. I mean, it's something that

00:12:28.600 --> 00:12:32.100
I would put every kids in martial art. I mean,

00:12:32.120 --> 00:12:34.419
I think it's super important to be able to strike,

00:12:34.559 --> 00:12:39.429
to be able to to make eye contact with another

00:12:39.429 --> 00:12:42.409
person, to be able to sense where they are in

00:12:42.409 --> 00:12:44.629
space, to be able to sense where your own body

00:12:44.629 --> 00:12:46.669
is in space. It's all these things that sound

00:12:46.669 --> 00:12:49.029
super simple, but that are missing from kids'

00:12:49.129 --> 00:12:51.110
lives right now. Yeah, yeah. And I think that's

00:12:51.110 --> 00:12:53.090
how you reduce the amount of bullying as well,

00:12:53.169 --> 00:12:55.029
not just by teaching kids to be able to defend

00:12:55.029 --> 00:12:57.490
themselves and have confidence, but also the

00:12:57.490 --> 00:13:00.309
kids that would grow up to be a bully are taught

00:13:00.309 --> 00:13:03.370
humility and respect and the concept that there's

00:13:03.370 --> 00:13:05.350
always someone bigger and better than you and

00:13:05.350 --> 00:13:08.539
take away that. that fear that they're compensating

00:13:08.539 --> 00:13:11.779
with the bullying. And that failure is information.

00:13:12.240 --> 00:13:14.440
I mean, that you respect the person who beat

00:13:14.440 --> 00:13:16.440
you because they're giving you information on

00:13:16.440 --> 00:13:18.220
your weaknesses. And you know what? I got to

00:13:18.220 --> 00:13:20.200
tell you, behind every bully is a parent who's

00:13:20.200 --> 00:13:23.740
a bully. Behind every bully is a tremendous amount

00:13:23.740 --> 00:13:26.379
of pain over something. So you take your average

00:13:26.379 --> 00:13:28.559
bully and you look to see what's happening at

00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:31.080
home. The probability that there's a parent that's

00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:33.919
bullying them is pretty high. Yeah, that's something

00:13:33.919 --> 00:13:36.639
that we don't talk about a lot in culture. the

00:13:36.639 --> 00:13:39.259
new phrases are like snowflakes or millennials.

00:13:39.960 --> 00:13:42.080
And, you know, when people's yapping off about

00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:43.620
that, you're like, you do realize that these

00:13:43.620 --> 00:13:47.059
are your children's generation. So that means

00:13:47.059 --> 00:13:49.620
that you, if you're raising people that you don't

00:13:49.620 --> 00:13:51.139
like the way they are now, then that means you

00:13:51.139 --> 00:13:52.799
didn't do a very good job parenting, really.

00:13:54.399 --> 00:13:58.419
I love that. Yes, you're absolutely right. All

00:13:58.419 --> 00:14:00.620
right. Well, as far as your career path then,

00:14:00.659 --> 00:14:02.620
so when you were at school age, had you always

00:14:02.620 --> 00:14:06.909
wanted to get into psychology? You know what?

00:14:06.929 --> 00:14:09.529
I was sort of undecided when I was in, you know,

00:14:09.549 --> 00:14:11.090
everybody says like they follow their passion.

00:14:11.149 --> 00:14:13.250
They knew really young. I didn't know really

00:14:13.250 --> 00:14:16.509
young. I just loved doing all kinds of jobs.

00:14:16.549 --> 00:14:19.250
When I was in college, I was on the radio station.

00:14:19.330 --> 00:14:23.169
So WUSB in Stony Brook and WXYC in Chapel Hill.

00:14:23.389 --> 00:14:27.110
And I loved it. Like I love being alone in the

00:14:27.110 --> 00:14:30.149
radio station with tons of records. I assumed,

00:14:30.210 --> 00:14:31.990
you know, I was going to be a DJ or something

00:14:31.990 --> 00:14:35.519
like that because. I loved music and I liked

00:14:35.519 --> 00:14:37.100
being alone with all these records. And even

00:14:37.100 --> 00:14:39.879
though you're on the air with people, it's still

00:14:39.879 --> 00:14:42.980
pretty solitary. And having the radio stations

00:14:42.980 --> 00:14:46.299
in college really helped me because I wasn't

00:14:46.299 --> 00:14:49.080
super, I don't know if I was an outgoing, but

00:14:49.080 --> 00:14:50.980
I really was passionate about music and I can

00:14:50.980 --> 00:14:53.919
still. go off on a huge tangent about like, what

00:14:53.919 --> 00:14:57.960
are the 10 albums or CDs you would get, you know,

00:14:57.960 --> 00:15:00.779
take with you on a desert Island. And I love

00:15:00.779 --> 00:15:03.159
talking about music, especially old punk rock.

00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:06.500
Um, you know, I also like country and all kinds

00:15:06.500 --> 00:15:08.779
of other things, but it's, it's a topic I really

00:15:08.779 --> 00:15:11.740
like, but I thought I was going to be a DJ or

00:15:11.740 --> 00:15:14.279
something in music. And my minor was in French,

00:15:14.360 --> 00:15:17.139
which is just cause I liked French. So once I

00:15:17.139 --> 00:15:19.919
left college, I went and I worked for a year

00:15:19.919 --> 00:15:22.690
for Jacques Cousteau. both in New York and in

00:15:22.690 --> 00:15:25.509
Paris. Again, not because, I mean, I love the

00:15:25.509 --> 00:15:27.429
oceans, but not necessarily because I could see

00:15:27.429 --> 00:15:30.509
myself long -term doing something, you know,

00:15:30.509 --> 00:15:35.970
ocean related. I went into psych and just every

00:15:35.970 --> 00:15:38.190
two years I would change my job because I thought,

00:15:38.230 --> 00:15:39.889
oh, this is really interesting. I can learn about

00:15:39.889 --> 00:15:42.470
something else. So I can learn about children

00:15:42.470 --> 00:15:45.529
and learning disabilities. I can learn about...

00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:49.600
the prison system. So I would hop, not hop so

00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:51.139
much because I would stay for two years, which

00:15:51.139 --> 00:15:53.419
is longer than most millennials stay at jobs

00:15:53.419 --> 00:15:56.159
nowadays, but I would learn about a certain population

00:15:56.159 --> 00:16:00.899
and then go on to the next. So I ended up, after

00:16:00.899 --> 00:16:02.200
working with a whole bunch of different people,

00:16:02.220 --> 00:16:05.200
I ended up working at a magazine as the health

00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:07.460
and sex editor of Men's Fitness Magazine. And

00:16:07.460 --> 00:16:10.120
it was obviously psych related because it was

00:16:10.120 --> 00:16:12.340
having to do with health, with mental health

00:16:12.340 --> 00:16:14.360
and with human sexuality to a certain extent.

00:16:15.149 --> 00:16:20.370
So that was kind of fun. I hit a wall with my

00:16:20.370 --> 00:16:23.129
own stress in New York and with my own life where

00:16:23.129 --> 00:16:26.429
I started grinding my teeth. And I had sort of

00:16:26.429 --> 00:16:28.629
a small panic attack when I was rollerblading

00:16:28.629 --> 00:16:31.750
down the West Side Highway. And it's not the

00:16:31.750 --> 00:16:33.570
highway. It's actually a path next to the highway.

00:16:35.049 --> 00:16:37.269
And I realized, wow, I have to do something about

00:16:37.269 --> 00:16:39.029
my stress. I'm a New Yorker. I think I'm really

00:16:39.029 --> 00:16:41.730
tough. I can handle a lot of stress, but obviously.

00:16:42.360 --> 00:16:45.120
It's not working on the inside of my body. I'm

00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:48.799
getting messages from the inside of my body saying,

00:16:48.860 --> 00:16:51.639
you're not handling it as well as you can. And

00:16:51.639 --> 00:16:55.019
I think everybody has those messages in some

00:16:55.019 --> 00:16:59.159
way, whether it's a recurring nightmare, whether

00:16:59.159 --> 00:17:02.620
it's back pain that's unresolved, whether it's

00:17:02.620 --> 00:17:06.500
migraines, whether it's something that your body's

00:17:06.500 --> 00:17:08.880
telling you deep inside, you're not really handling

00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:13.190
your stress well. And after having a lot of dental

00:17:13.190 --> 00:17:16.430
work done for my teeth grinding, I started looking

00:17:16.430 --> 00:17:18.730
to see how can I deal with my stress in a way

00:17:18.730 --> 00:17:22.210
that's okay with me. And I hit yoga. I mean,

00:17:22.230 --> 00:17:24.049
that's kind of the first place you go to is like

00:17:24.049 --> 00:17:29.970
you drink tequila or go to yoga class. And I

00:17:29.970 --> 00:17:32.210
ended up in yoga class. It took me a long time

00:17:32.210 --> 00:17:35.170
to find a yoga class I liked because I really

00:17:35.170 --> 00:17:39.660
wanted one that described anatomy well. I loved

00:17:39.660 --> 00:17:42.559
the breathing they did in yoga class, but I wanted

00:17:42.559 --> 00:17:45.500
to know more about the science and the mechanics

00:17:45.500 --> 00:17:48.339
of breathing. So that's why I went and studied

00:17:48.339 --> 00:17:51.019
all different sports when it came to breathing.

00:17:52.140 --> 00:17:54.859
With my own patients in my own private practice,

00:17:55.119 --> 00:17:58.259
I found that as I started teaching them the things

00:17:58.259 --> 00:18:00.240
that I was learning in breathing, they wanted

00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:02.740
to do more breathing. And there came a moment

00:18:02.740 --> 00:18:05.539
where I had to decide, do I continue doing therapy

00:18:05.539 --> 00:18:09.529
or do I switch over and now? Just really teach

00:18:09.529 --> 00:18:12.130
breathing, of course, always with a little bit

00:18:12.130 --> 00:18:15.250
of therapy. But do I now become a breathing coach,

00:18:15.329 --> 00:18:17.890
a breathing specialist, an expert? And that's

00:18:17.890 --> 00:18:20.630
where I am today. Right. Well, I want to go back

00:18:20.630 --> 00:18:22.849
to something you said about halfway through that.

00:18:22.970 --> 00:18:24.890
And I heard you talking about it on the Align

00:18:24.890 --> 00:18:28.349
podcast with your friend. But this is an area

00:18:28.349 --> 00:18:30.049
where you listen to podcasts. People don't talk

00:18:30.049 --> 00:18:32.750
about this very much. But when you were advising

00:18:32.750 --> 00:18:36.230
on the sex and relationships in the magazines.

00:18:37.470 --> 00:18:42.349
So firstly, you were talking to your podcast

00:18:42.349 --> 00:18:46.369
host there about how different audiences were

00:18:46.369 --> 00:18:49.309
either loving or hating your discussions on sex.

00:18:49.369 --> 00:18:51.450
So if you wouldn't mind, you could tell me. Oh,

00:18:51.450 --> 00:18:56.970
sure. So for a while, I was writing a column

00:18:56.970 --> 00:18:59.910
for Fox News. And if you can imagine writing

00:18:59.910 --> 00:19:03.849
about... uh, health and sex for Fox news, you

00:19:03.849 --> 00:19:06.529
have an audience that either loves you or they

00:19:06.529 --> 00:19:11.230
hate you. And I remember, uh, speaking to a Shep,

00:19:11.230 --> 00:19:14.150
what the, on, on Fox news, because I'd started

00:19:14.150 --> 00:19:18.009
getting hate mail and, um, he was completely

00:19:18.009 --> 00:19:20.069
blase about it. He was like, oh, well, you know,

00:19:20.109 --> 00:19:22.250
Shepard Smith, he was like, you know, get used

00:19:22.250 --> 00:19:24.809
to that because people, especially behind their

00:19:24.809 --> 00:19:27.890
screens will say all kinds of terrible things.

00:19:28.369 --> 00:19:31.670
So I was giving health information. For me, it

00:19:31.670 --> 00:19:33.970
was sexual health information. It was really

00:19:33.970 --> 00:19:37.069
interesting, the terrible reactions that people

00:19:37.069 --> 00:19:39.250
would have. They would either love it or they

00:19:39.250 --> 00:19:41.470
would say just the meanest, meanest things. And

00:19:41.470 --> 00:19:44.049
I remember having somebody write to me and saying,

00:19:44.269 --> 00:19:47.829
I don't know what he assumed, but I remember

00:19:47.829 --> 00:19:52.950
he had an army, a government email. And every

00:19:52.950 --> 00:19:55.369
once in a while, I would respond to people just

00:19:55.369 --> 00:19:57.230
to see, like, if I respond to you, what do you

00:19:57.230 --> 00:20:00.109
do? I guess it was my own way of dealing with

00:20:00.109 --> 00:20:01.869
it and experimenting. So I wrote back to him

00:20:01.869 --> 00:20:04.329
and I said, this particular guy, and I said,

00:20:04.369 --> 00:20:07.349
I don't know why you would think that I was.

00:20:08.199 --> 00:20:10.220
You know this person that you think I was I think

00:20:10.220 --> 00:20:12.119
he might have called me like a liberal slut or

00:20:12.119 --> 00:20:15.980
something like that And I'm neither So I wrote

00:20:15.980 --> 00:20:17.880
back and I said maybe my dad was actually in

00:20:17.880 --> 00:20:20.440
the army. I do a ton of volunteer work with vets

00:20:20.440 --> 00:20:23.319
I don't know where you'd get this idea of who

00:20:23.319 --> 00:20:25.779
I am from an article I wrote when you don't know

00:20:25.779 --> 00:20:28.730
anything about me And he wrote back and apologized,

00:20:29.009 --> 00:20:31.890
saying, I'm so sorry. I didn't really think this

00:20:31.890 --> 00:20:34.529
email went anywhere. I think I was tipsy when

00:20:34.529 --> 00:20:36.849
I wrote it. And, you know, please accept my apology.

00:20:37.210 --> 00:20:39.329
And that happened more often where I would actually

00:20:39.329 --> 00:20:41.509
engage with people. And it was obviously my.

00:20:42.119 --> 00:20:45.660
You know, I probably needed to have more hobbies,

00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:47.319
but every once in a while I'd reach out to someone

00:20:47.319 --> 00:20:49.259
and say, well, what would make you say that?

00:20:49.380 --> 00:20:51.940
I'm not that kind of person or that's not what

00:20:51.940 --> 00:20:54.700
I meant by this information. And it's really

00:20:54.700 --> 00:20:56.859
good that we can have a discussion about this.

00:20:57.119 --> 00:21:00.680
So the email I would send out that was an automatic

00:21:00.680 --> 00:21:04.180
email, even to people that were hating, was thank

00:21:04.180 --> 00:21:12.230
you for your interested and kind comment. And

00:21:12.230 --> 00:21:14.410
it's so great that we live in a place where we

00:21:14.410 --> 00:21:16.869
can have these discussions. And I will respond

00:21:16.869 --> 00:21:19.269
to you. But I just wanted to let you know that

00:21:19.269 --> 00:21:21.150
I'm getting your email. I will read it. And,

00:21:21.150 --> 00:21:23.789
you know, God bless America that we can actually

00:21:23.789 --> 00:21:27.150
have these discussions and still, you know, communicate

00:21:27.150 --> 00:21:30.009
with each other and be civil. And, of course,

00:21:30.029 --> 00:21:33.809
that wasn't the case often. But, you know, it

00:21:33.809 --> 00:21:38.730
made me grow a little bit thicker skin. And yeah,

00:21:38.750 --> 00:21:40.529
it was part of the job is that people are going

00:21:40.529 --> 00:21:42.349
to disagree with you. And I don't mind it at

00:21:42.349 --> 00:21:46.269
all. Sometimes when I do at that point, or even

00:21:46.269 --> 00:21:48.750
now when I do talks and there's someone that

00:21:48.750 --> 00:21:53.460
is combative or skeptical. I don't mind it at

00:21:53.460 --> 00:21:56.740
all. In fact, I identify not with the combative

00:21:56.740 --> 00:21:58.640
part, but with the skeptical part. And I always

00:21:58.640 --> 00:22:00.819
say that that's good because there's so much

00:22:00.819 --> 00:22:02.519
bullshit information out there. And there's so

00:22:02.519 --> 00:22:04.140
many people trying to sell you things all the

00:22:04.140 --> 00:22:07.940
time that being skeptical and in a healthy way

00:22:07.940 --> 00:22:11.279
is actually signs of, you know, an evolved and

00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:15.140
intelligent person. Yeah. Well, what strikes

00:22:15.140 --> 00:22:18.299
me and it's I think it's worse since I came to

00:22:18.299 --> 00:22:20.380
the States. The British are known to have a stick

00:22:20.380 --> 00:22:24.660
up their ass, but not with sex. It's usually

00:22:24.660 --> 00:22:28.579
a little more European, more liberal. But I was

00:22:28.579 --> 00:22:33.660
just amazed how you can be in the middle of Terminator

00:22:33.660 --> 00:22:36.119
27, where everyone's getting shot in the face,

00:22:36.259 --> 00:22:38.660
and then it'll cut to a commercial or even be

00:22:38.660 --> 00:22:41.859
a scene in that movie where the top of a lady's

00:22:41.859 --> 00:22:43.960
butt crack is showing, and they blur it out.

00:22:45.099 --> 00:22:48.950
And that whole... The way that we regard sex,

00:22:49.029 --> 00:22:53.670
especially in our mainstream media, I find insane.

00:22:53.849 --> 00:22:56.250
And it seems to me like it would be very unhealthy

00:22:56.250 --> 00:23:00.130
lessons to our younger developing Americans.

00:23:00.710 --> 00:23:04.630
It's terrifically unhealthy. And I mean, my background

00:23:04.630 --> 00:23:07.700
is... Freudian, which means that I think we're

00:23:07.700 --> 00:23:09.980
innately sexual and aggressive. It's just part

00:23:09.980 --> 00:23:12.359
of being human beings. And that's normal. And

00:23:12.359 --> 00:23:15.480
we have to work with it so that we can all live

00:23:15.480 --> 00:23:18.319
together. But you can't say people aren't sexual

00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:20.700
or they aren't aggressive because we are. We're

00:23:20.700 --> 00:23:23.440
animals at the end of the day in human suits.

00:23:23.700 --> 00:23:27.700
But when you take sex and you deny it and you

00:23:27.700 --> 00:23:30.759
blur out butt cracks and nipples. it's going

00:23:30.759 --> 00:23:33.720
to come out in a really weird way at the other

00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:36.799
side. And that's where you get like perversity

00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:41.240
and stuff that's pretty dark and awful. So if

00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:45.039
we were sort of healthier with sex and more,

00:23:45.299 --> 00:23:48.039
I don't know, open -minded about it, I don't

00:23:48.039 --> 00:23:51.740
think we'd be showing the amount of aggression

00:23:51.740 --> 00:23:55.099
that we do on television and being as warped

00:23:55.099 --> 00:23:57.819
as we can be sexually. Yeah, and that's what

00:23:57.819 --> 00:24:00.859
it seems like. Obviously, you're exposed to the

00:24:00.859 --> 00:24:05.420
world of porn. It seems like there's a high demand

00:24:05.420 --> 00:24:08.859
for that kind of aggressive, for lack of a better

00:24:08.859 --> 00:24:12.619
word, rapey porn, which I don't know anyone I

00:24:12.619 --> 00:24:14.980
know in regular life. It's like, yeah, I'm going

00:24:14.980 --> 00:24:17.539
to go home and get my wife and her friend and

00:24:17.539 --> 00:24:20.519
then choke them while I have sex with them. Yeah,

00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:24.660
that's like a whole other bag of worms or box

00:24:24.660 --> 00:24:29.259
of worms. Anyway, it's a whole other topic. Porn

00:24:29.259 --> 00:24:32.759
and how you feel about it and, you know, what

00:24:32.759 --> 00:24:34.440
sorts of porn there are. I mean, there's pretty

00:24:34.440 --> 00:24:37.759
much something out there for everybody. But that

00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:43.140
anonymity also leads us, you know, down a road

00:24:43.140 --> 00:24:47.240
where there's a community for everything. And

00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:51.519
that, to me, we have to make sure that children

00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:55.829
and animals and other people are protected. And

00:24:55.829 --> 00:25:01.710
right now there's a lot of focus on the sex slave

00:25:01.710 --> 00:25:04.789
trade. So while I believe that you should have

00:25:04.789 --> 00:25:07.210
privacy, we do need, there's a lot of people

00:25:07.210 --> 00:25:11.089
out there that we need to protect. You know,

00:25:11.109 --> 00:25:13.130
one of the things that happened to me in psychology

00:25:13.130 --> 00:25:18.130
is that I ended up working or getting asked to

00:25:18.130 --> 00:25:21.490
do personality assessment testing on pedophiles.

00:25:22.109 --> 00:25:25.650
And I figured I could handle this. Right. And

00:25:25.650 --> 00:25:29.089
I did one assessment and then I started going

00:25:29.089 --> 00:25:31.349
over files and listening recordings for doing

00:25:31.349 --> 00:25:35.690
court ordered assessments and I couldn't handle

00:25:35.690 --> 00:25:38.250
it. And it wasn't a matter of me being strong

00:25:38.250 --> 00:25:41.109
because I don't have a doubt that I'm strong,

00:25:41.230 --> 00:25:47.130
but it was so dark and it's so, you know, it

00:25:47.130 --> 00:25:51.529
was so tough on my heart to believe that. this

00:25:51.529 --> 00:25:54.910
was going on. And it made me so upset to know,

00:25:54.990 --> 00:25:57.069
think that this is going on and not a lot of

00:25:57.069 --> 00:26:02.990
people realize the severity of it or are not

00:26:02.990 --> 00:26:05.869
as passionate about fixing it and doing something

00:26:05.869 --> 00:26:08.549
about it. So that's when I actually, one of the

00:26:08.549 --> 00:26:12.009
reasons I left psychology when it came to that

00:26:12.009 --> 00:26:13.970
type of work, assessment and court assessment,

00:26:14.109 --> 00:26:17.779
is because When you went down that path, you

00:26:17.779 --> 00:26:20.380
realized really how evil and how warped folks

00:26:20.380 --> 00:26:22.839
could be. And that was terrifically depressing

00:26:22.839 --> 00:26:26.140
for me because I know we can be bullies, we can

00:26:26.140 --> 00:26:29.720
be mean, we can be aggressive, we can be stupid.

00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:34.640
But the darkness and that side of human nature

00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:40.500
that I saw was so frightening and so mind -blowingly

00:26:40.500 --> 00:26:43.769
evil that I couldn't go there. Yeah, that must

00:26:43.769 --> 00:26:46.809
have been horrendous. Did you see, was there

00:26:46.809 --> 00:26:51.970
a kind of linear correlation between the pedophiles

00:26:51.970 --> 00:26:55.549
and childhood trauma themselves? No, and that's

00:26:55.549 --> 00:26:58.170
a myth. That is an absolute myth. That's something

00:26:58.170 --> 00:27:02.990
that pedophiles use in courts to be able to garner

00:27:02.990 --> 00:27:08.549
sympathy. When you're a pedophile, it is – I'm

00:27:08.549 --> 00:27:10.450
going to put it super simply is that like part

00:27:10.450 --> 00:27:12.430
of your brain that has to do with empathy is

00:27:12.430 --> 00:27:16.670
not there. So if you've been abused as a child,

00:27:16.829 --> 00:27:18.789
why would you ever go and abuse someone else

00:27:18.789 --> 00:27:21.970
knowing what that feels like? Yeah, exactly.

00:27:23.509 --> 00:27:28.130
It's just not true. So I mean is there a possibility

00:27:28.130 --> 00:27:31.509
of you becoming very promiscuous or very sexual

00:27:31.509 --> 00:27:36.319
or is there things that might happen? Yes. But

00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:39.440
would you end up being a pedophile and doing,

00:27:39.480 --> 00:27:42.299
you know, again, what pedophiles do, which is

00:27:42.299 --> 00:27:49.920
look for children, groom them, having no empathy,

00:27:50.059 --> 00:27:53.200
taking no responsibility. And it's over and over

00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:55.240
and over again. You never have a pedophile that

00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:58.039
has hurt one child. If there's one child that

00:27:58.039 --> 00:28:00.319
comes up and talks about it, once they start

00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:02.400
talking about it, you'll realize, wow, it's every

00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:05.779
single child in this family. that that person

00:28:05.779 --> 00:28:11.039
abused. So it's a serious problem. And child

00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:14.339
porn on the internet, which is usually, you know,

00:28:14.339 --> 00:28:18.539
children who are sex slaves to some extent, is

00:28:18.539 --> 00:28:21.779
not 17 year olds that look 15. We're talking

00:28:21.779 --> 00:28:25.660
about, you know, infants and children. So I,

00:28:25.799 --> 00:28:28.019
when I was working on this case, I actually had

00:28:28.019 --> 00:28:30.619
to go down to the FBI and look at a computer.

00:28:31.920 --> 00:28:36.940
And oops, sorry. I had to go down to the FBI

00:28:36.940 --> 00:28:42.140
and look at a computer and it was, you know,

00:28:42.140 --> 00:28:44.180
one of those things that you wish you can get

00:28:44.180 --> 00:28:46.619
out of your brain. You could just sear it out

00:28:46.619 --> 00:28:50.480
of your brain. But I just realized some of the

00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:53.920
horrendous things people can do and can do to

00:28:53.920 --> 00:28:57.140
children and infants. And it was really. a very

00:28:57.140 --> 00:28:59.380
fucked up place to be. That's the only way I

00:28:59.380 --> 00:29:01.319
can describe it. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't

00:29:01.319 --> 00:29:03.400
mean to lead us down such a dark path. But one

00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:05.819
more question. No, but it's so important to talk

00:29:05.819 --> 00:29:08.740
about. It is. Because people don't see these

00:29:08.740 --> 00:29:11.500
things because, A, we don't want to know about

00:29:11.500 --> 00:29:14.259
it. And I don't, you know, again, I wish I didn't

00:29:14.259 --> 00:29:17.140
have those things in my brain. But I'm happy

00:29:17.140 --> 00:29:19.160
to know about them because now I can be an advocate

00:29:19.160 --> 00:29:21.099
for them. And I can now tell you about them.

00:29:21.299 --> 00:29:24.279
But this is a very real problem that exists.

00:29:25.099 --> 00:29:30.579
all over the place. I mean, this is happening

00:29:30.579 --> 00:29:33.779
all over, and it's not, like I said, teenagers,

00:29:34.079 --> 00:29:38.359
it's children. And there's a community online

00:29:38.359 --> 00:29:42.700
that shares pictures of children, and they're

00:29:42.700 --> 00:29:48.240
kept safe by privacy laws, and there's not a

00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:50.700
lot of people doing this work. I know that there's

00:29:50.700 --> 00:29:53.240
a guy out of the UK that takes the pictures.

00:29:53.950 --> 00:29:56.769
and looks for teeny details in the background

00:29:56.769 --> 00:30:00.230
to see if he can figure out who this person is

00:30:00.230 --> 00:30:04.029
and where they are. But that's one guy. And I

00:30:04.029 --> 00:30:07.569
always sort of laugh when I see a show on TV

00:30:07.569 --> 00:30:11.529
and they have a team. So the child sexual exploitation

00:30:11.529 --> 00:30:15.839
team is... 12 people with amazing computers and

00:30:15.839 --> 00:30:19.160
cars, and they spend three weeks on a case. And

00:30:19.160 --> 00:30:22.200
when I was down there, there was one guy who

00:30:22.200 --> 00:30:24.759
was in charge of all five boroughs, and he had

00:30:24.759 --> 00:30:27.940
two hours. And then he went on to the next horrible

00:30:27.940 --> 00:30:30.900
case. So it's something that we need to pay more

00:30:30.900 --> 00:30:33.319
attention to. And that exists really like in

00:30:33.319 --> 00:30:36.440
your backyard, and probably, you know, within

00:30:36.440 --> 00:30:38.740
your family. And that's the hardest thing to

00:30:38.740 --> 00:30:43.420
swallow is that The folks, the pedophiles don't

00:30:43.420 --> 00:30:45.960
look like, you know, 70s porn characters with

00:30:45.960 --> 00:30:49.680
big mustaches and are acting weird and hanging

00:30:49.680 --> 00:30:53.059
around schoolyards. They're, you know, family

00:30:53.059 --> 00:30:55.720
members, unfortunately, or they're people, respected

00:30:55.720 --> 00:30:59.220
people in the community. Tough topic. Tough topic.

00:30:59.440 --> 00:31:02.160
Yeah. I had a guy called Nick McKinley, who's

00:31:02.160 --> 00:31:06.579
a retired PJ and CIA operative who started a

00:31:06.579 --> 00:31:08.880
thing called Deliver Fund addressing the human

00:31:08.880 --> 00:31:11.440
trafficking issue. And he had the same thing.

00:31:11.440 --> 00:31:13.180
He's like when he was in the special forces and

00:31:13.180 --> 00:31:16.119
CIA, they would come across a case and they'd

00:31:16.119 --> 00:31:18.099
be like, all right, who do we hand it to? And

00:31:18.099 --> 00:31:20.259
there wasn't anyone. We didn't have a human trafficking

00:31:20.259 --> 00:31:23.099
division that was experts. And even now it's

00:31:23.099 --> 00:31:25.660
local law enforcement that are tasked with this.

00:31:25.740 --> 00:31:29.099
So you may have, you know, a metropolitan department

00:31:29.099 --> 00:31:32.099
that actually has some good resources. And you

00:31:32.099 --> 00:31:34.859
may be out in the sticks where it's literally

00:31:34.859 --> 00:31:37.440
a police officer on his time, you know, his days

00:31:37.440 --> 00:31:39.519
off trying to track some of these people down.

00:31:39.660 --> 00:31:42.099
And like you said, the stories you hear about

00:31:42.099 --> 00:31:45.160
what happens to these young women, you know,

00:31:45.160 --> 00:31:48.069
that their kids are taken away. You know, they're

00:31:48.069 --> 00:31:49.470
told they're going to kill him if they don't

00:31:49.470 --> 00:31:51.910
perform the porn or the sex acts or whatever

00:31:51.910 --> 00:31:55.430
it is. And this is in our country. We're not

00:31:55.430 --> 00:31:57.930
talking about smuggling from Southeast Asia or,

00:31:58.049 --> 00:32:02.109
you know, the stereotypical ones. And it's nauseating

00:32:02.109 --> 00:32:04.289
to realize how many issues that we have in this

00:32:04.289 --> 00:32:07.990
country. And again, how underfunded and undersupported

00:32:07.990 --> 00:32:11.150
the men and women that are trying to attack this

00:32:11.150 --> 00:32:15.890
problem are. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So first

00:32:15.890 --> 00:32:20.240
responders. uh it's part of the reason i do the

00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:22.420
work that i do and i do volunteer as much as

00:32:22.420 --> 00:32:24.539
i do is that we need first responders we need

00:32:24.539 --> 00:32:27.880
first responders that feel supported and you

00:32:27.880 --> 00:32:29.880
know that know that there's other people that

00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:32.339
care about what they do and and appreciate it

00:32:32.339 --> 00:32:35.359
for sure yeah now one more thing about the the

00:32:35.359 --> 00:32:38.740
pedophiles while we're on the the topic if you're

00:32:38.740 --> 00:32:41.480
saying that this is a basically a an inherent

00:32:41.480 --> 00:32:44.240
disorder where It sounds like they're not going

00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:46.019
to suddenly wake up one day and go, oh, I don't

00:32:46.019 --> 00:32:48.539
like kids anymore. What do you propose that we

00:32:48.539 --> 00:32:52.420
do with these people? Well, unfortunately, right

00:32:52.420 --> 00:32:56.460
now, when they go to jail, a sexually violent

00:32:56.460 --> 00:32:59.319
predator is a different kind of predator. Thankfully,

00:32:59.480 --> 00:33:04.740
we categorize them differently. Usually, pedophiles

00:33:04.740 --> 00:33:13.200
don't stop looking for children until... after

00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:16.200
age 40, from what I understand, and again, I

00:33:16.200 --> 00:33:18.400
haven't kept up on the literature, is that once

00:33:18.400 --> 00:33:21.339
your testosterone goes down, you're less likely

00:33:21.339 --> 00:33:27.039
to victimize children. And again, I haven't done

00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:29.019
my research in this area, but what I do know

00:33:29.019 --> 00:33:32.000
is that pedophiles don't get better. is that

00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:36.079
you don't start all of a sudden having no sympathy,

00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:38.339
no empathy for a child, and all of a sudden start

00:33:38.339 --> 00:33:40.140
thinking, hey, well, maybe I shouldn't be hurting

00:33:40.140 --> 00:33:42.480
them in this way, or maybe I'm ruining their

00:33:42.480 --> 00:33:46.619
lives. That doesn't happen. I've heard so many,

00:33:46.779 --> 00:33:48.839
like I said, I had to go through so many files,

00:33:48.900 --> 00:33:54.000
and you don't all of a sudden get better. So

00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:58.089
unfortunately, With pedophiles, they have to

00:33:58.089 --> 00:34:02.250
stay behind bars. I know that growing up, I grew

00:34:02.250 --> 00:34:06.029
up in a small town called Pearl River, and we

00:34:06.029 --> 00:34:10.409
had someone who went to high school with me named

00:34:10.409 --> 00:34:14.010
Paula. She was attacked, and it was a very vicious

00:34:14.010 --> 00:34:20.630
sexual attack. And the guys, two guys that went

00:34:20.630 --> 00:34:23.530
to jail, every two years come up for probation.

00:34:24.349 --> 00:34:27.289
And they haven't done any of their work in jail.

00:34:27.389 --> 00:34:30.389
They haven't apologized. They've actually, I

00:34:30.389 --> 00:34:32.849
think, filed countersuit saying that they've

00:34:32.849 --> 00:34:35.090
been traumatized by the event because, you know,

00:34:35.090 --> 00:34:38.789
jail has been so hard for them. But every two

00:34:38.789 --> 00:34:42.789
years, my town rallies and we make sure that

00:34:42.789 --> 00:34:45.730
these two guys stay in jail because they would

00:34:45.730 --> 00:34:48.130
get out of jail and they would continue to hurt

00:34:48.130 --> 00:34:51.070
people. They have no remorse. They haven't shown

00:34:51.070 --> 00:34:54.929
anything to have remorse. And it's amazing that

00:34:54.929 --> 00:34:58.010
we even consider them every two years to be able

00:34:58.010 --> 00:35:01.929
to come out into the public. So there's not a

00:35:01.929 --> 00:35:06.550
lot you can do. You know, there's talks about

00:35:06.550 --> 00:35:09.530
chemical castration. There's talks about where

00:35:09.530 --> 00:35:12.829
people live in the community. It's not that I

00:35:12.829 --> 00:35:15.550
don't believe that if you've done a crime, you

00:35:15.550 --> 00:35:17.650
can get better. I actually work and do volunteer

00:35:17.650 --> 00:35:20.949
work in prisons with lifers. And there are a

00:35:20.949 --> 00:35:25.050
lot of people that do. get better that do recognize

00:35:25.050 --> 00:35:28.789
what they did um apologize for what they did

00:35:28.789 --> 00:35:31.090
do a lot of work when they're in prison and and

00:35:31.090 --> 00:35:34.010
come back and come out and really integrate into

00:35:34.010 --> 00:35:36.510
society and pay their taxes and are fantastic

00:35:36.510 --> 00:35:39.789
citizens but that does not happen with pedophiles

00:35:39.789 --> 00:35:42.130
right that's an interesting perspective thank

00:35:42.130 --> 00:35:44.050
you so much because i mean like you said we are

00:35:44.050 --> 00:35:47.590
fed some misinformation um you know and and you

00:35:47.590 --> 00:35:50.789
obviously want to be the the optimistic there's

00:35:50.789 --> 00:35:53.469
good in everyone but you also there's no question

00:35:53.469 --> 00:35:55.230
that there are just people out there that are

00:35:55.230 --> 00:35:58.389
that are broken for whatever reason and doesn't

00:35:58.389 --> 00:36:00.070
mean you got to string them up by their balls

00:36:00.070 --> 00:36:01.670
the rest of their life but at least keep them

00:36:01.670 --> 00:36:03.590
away from the people that they're going to hurt

00:36:03.590 --> 00:36:09.079
oh no i do think they should be stronger Now,

00:36:09.119 --> 00:36:11.099
I think it's our duty to protect everyone from

00:36:11.099 --> 00:36:13.800
them. But in the same breath, like, do I believe

00:36:13.800 --> 00:36:15.440
people who have life sentences who have done

00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:17.019
something, depending on what they've done, can

00:36:17.019 --> 00:36:20.400
get better? Absolutely. So with pedophiles, I've

00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:23.179
never seen a pedophile say, you know, I'm sorry

00:36:23.179 --> 00:36:24.820
for what I did. They're like, I'm sorry I got

00:36:24.820 --> 00:36:27.659
caught. But they will never have, you know, they

00:36:27.659 --> 00:36:31.570
just happen to trip over. a naked child on the

00:36:31.570 --> 00:36:33.730
way to the bathroom. Like it doesn't happen.

00:36:34.010 --> 00:36:38.610
Um, do have, I work with fantastic lifers who

00:36:38.610 --> 00:36:41.969
have done so much work while they're imprisoned

00:36:41.969 --> 00:36:45.909
and, and tons of therapy. I just taught a meditation

00:36:45.909 --> 00:36:50.469
class in, um, a prison outside of LA in Lancaster.

00:36:50.489 --> 00:36:53.969
And I had 80 guys, it was a men's prison and

00:36:53.969 --> 00:36:56.530
they were. I mean, they were chosen for being

00:36:56.530 --> 00:36:59.550
the most evolved guys there who really were working

00:36:59.550 --> 00:37:02.530
on themselves and doing a lot of work and, you

00:37:02.530 --> 00:37:04.949
know, looking forward to getting out and being

00:37:04.949 --> 00:37:07.730
being parts, you know, good parts of society.

00:37:07.909 --> 00:37:10.469
But it was amazing. There was these people there

00:37:10.469 --> 00:37:12.250
that were there were guys who had been in the

00:37:12.250 --> 00:37:15.230
military. There were guys that had been had all

00:37:15.230 --> 00:37:18.889
types of jobs, all ages and sizes who something

00:37:18.889 --> 00:37:22.150
had happened that was not good. Some they had

00:37:22.150 --> 00:37:25.400
had a lapse in judgment. But everyone there had

00:37:25.400 --> 00:37:27.679
a possibility. And I would have had any of those

00:37:27.679 --> 00:37:31.139
guys as a neighbor because they did the work.

00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:34.340
They really did the work. So it's possible to

00:37:34.340 --> 00:37:36.719
change with the pedophile community. Absolutely

00:37:36.719 --> 00:37:39.420
not. You know, if you won't string them up by

00:37:39.420 --> 00:37:43.079
the balls, I will because it's not like I don't.

00:37:44.559 --> 00:37:48.840
yeah you know it's also the expense is just ridiculous

00:37:48.840 --> 00:37:52.719
that we will spend 150 000 a year keeping someone

00:37:52.719 --> 00:37:57.360
behind bars um it's crazy so yeah well i think

00:37:57.360 --> 00:38:00.019
my thing is i've had a a guy and i've talked

00:38:00.019 --> 00:38:02.059
about this many times now but uh the governor

00:38:02.059 --> 00:38:04.380
from a norwegian prison the way they do prisons

00:38:04.380 --> 00:38:06.860
is completely different and in this model and

00:38:06.860 --> 00:38:08.739
one of them is called bastoy and i'm repeating

00:38:08.739 --> 00:38:11.159
myself to people that listen to all the the episodes

00:38:11.159 --> 00:38:13.849
but very very long story short instead of a big

00:38:13.849 --> 00:38:17.670
cage it's a community but it's on an island so

00:38:17.670 --> 00:38:20.070
they've lost their freedom but they act every

00:38:20.070 --> 00:38:21.989
day like they would if they were back home so

00:38:21.989 --> 00:38:24.050
they they're living with with a bunch of other

00:38:24.050 --> 00:38:26.349
prisoners they cook they clean they go to work

00:38:26.349 --> 00:38:29.469
so they're extremely functional so that way then

00:38:29.469 --> 00:38:32.210
you can rehabilitate them and probably exactly

00:38:32.210 --> 00:38:34.030
the men that you're talking about that you work

00:38:34.030 --> 00:38:36.570
with would then go back and probably never re

00:38:36.570 --> 00:38:38.849
-offend again because they made that crime a

00:38:38.849 --> 00:38:41.429
passion they got dragged into drugs or whatever

00:38:41.429 --> 00:38:43.989
it was but inherently they didn't wake up wanting

00:38:43.989 --> 00:38:46.710
to be criminals but then you take your resources

00:38:46.710 --> 00:38:49.510
and you lock away like the shitbag that shot

00:38:49.510 --> 00:38:52.530
that um that camp in norway you know he's locked

00:38:52.530 --> 00:38:55.150
up behind bars and you lock up your pedophiles

00:38:55.150 --> 00:38:58.530
but then you funnel all your your resources into

00:38:58.530 --> 00:39:01.829
capturing those people and imprisoning them but

00:39:01.829 --> 00:39:03.489
not the people that them were probably going

00:39:03.489 --> 00:39:06.329
to go and be functional great members of society

00:39:06.329 --> 00:39:10.500
they just made a mistake Yeah, I mean, that that

00:39:10.500 --> 00:39:12.900
way to think about it is so much better because

00:39:12.900 --> 00:39:15.739
we have a huge number of people in prisons and

00:39:15.739 --> 00:39:17.760
most of us don't know about it unless you're

00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:21.019
visiting someone in a prison is that it's gigantic.

00:39:21.199 --> 00:39:24.360
You know, it really is an industrial complex.

00:39:24.820 --> 00:39:30.519
So huge amount of manpower out there of, you

00:39:30.519 --> 00:39:33.079
know, who want to do good. The program I work

00:39:33.079 --> 00:39:35.619
with, we take rescue dogs into the prisons and

00:39:35.619 --> 00:39:38.880
they're trained by the lifers. to then transfer

00:39:38.880 --> 00:39:42.219
them to homecoming vets. So we need to take that

00:39:42.219 --> 00:39:45.579
model where the lifers and the prisoners that

00:39:45.579 --> 00:39:47.659
want to give back and want things to do can,

00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:50.420
because that, you know, that program is amazing,

00:39:50.480 --> 00:39:53.599
but you go on to, into these prisons, you're

00:39:53.599 --> 00:39:56.940
like, this is enormous. It's a huge complex housing,

00:39:57.320 --> 00:40:00.440
thousands and thousands of people, and it just

00:40:00.440 --> 00:40:02.840
keeps getting bigger. So I really wish we would

00:40:02.840 --> 00:40:05.320
look at different models, like the model, the

00:40:05.320 --> 00:40:08.860
Norwegian model, you. you know, you said and

00:40:08.860 --> 00:40:11.480
did things a little bit differently. Yeah. Yeah.

00:40:11.559 --> 00:40:13.679
No, I think so as well. All right. I want to

00:40:13.679 --> 00:40:17.400
talk on one more area of the sex and the relationship

00:40:17.400 --> 00:40:19.559
side before we go on to the bulk, which would

00:40:19.559 --> 00:40:22.199
be the breath. But you touched on this in the

00:40:22.199 --> 00:40:24.739
interview, but I think this really needs to be

00:40:24.739 --> 00:40:28.079
said. There are so many misconceptions about

00:40:28.079 --> 00:40:31.360
sex and relationships, about the strains they

00:40:31.360 --> 00:40:34.579
put on marriage. But the first thing is we are,

00:40:34.619 --> 00:40:37.639
again, I think thanks to Hollywood, as a man

00:40:37.639 --> 00:40:40.659
led to believe that if you can't go for an hour

00:40:40.659 --> 00:40:44.300
and a half and do about 76 different sexual positions

00:40:44.300 --> 00:40:47.460
in the process, then you are failing as a man.

00:40:47.599 --> 00:40:52.699
So firstly, how long is sex actually, you know,

00:40:52.699 --> 00:40:56.300
on average lasting and how often does a, you

00:40:56.300 --> 00:40:58.500
know, an average healthy marriage, you know,

00:40:58.500 --> 00:41:00.559
the two partners actually have sex because there's

00:41:00.559 --> 00:41:04.059
such mythology around that. Well, I have to tell

00:41:04.059 --> 00:41:06.639
you that, you know, there is a link between breath

00:41:06.639 --> 00:41:11.000
and sex in Tantra. And there is a link between

00:41:11.000 --> 00:41:15.059
sexual health and breath in that if you're breathing

00:41:15.059 --> 00:41:17.360
well, you're using your pelvic floor. And those

00:41:17.360 --> 00:41:20.139
are all the urogenital muscles that if you're

00:41:20.139 --> 00:41:22.480
keeping them healthy, you're breathing and that

00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:26.980
part of your body is, you know. uh well oxygenated

00:41:26.980 --> 00:41:28.739
and you have good blood flow and things like

00:41:28.739 --> 00:41:32.440
that both for men and for women so there is um

00:41:32.440 --> 00:41:35.440
there is a link between the breed between breathing

00:41:35.440 --> 00:41:38.480
and sexual health for sure But the myth that

00:41:38.480 --> 00:41:41.820
the longer you go, the better is completely set

00:41:41.820 --> 00:41:45.980
up by pharmaceuticals and by porn. Women in general

00:41:45.980 --> 00:41:49.079
do not want sex that lasts forever. It's incredibly

00:41:49.079 --> 00:41:52.980
boring. And I mean, it probably makes for good

00:41:52.980 --> 00:41:56.280
porn and it makes for selling Viagra. But the

00:41:56.280 --> 00:41:58.500
fact is that we don't really care how long it

00:41:58.500 --> 00:42:02.860
goes on. We just want to orgasm so that you just

00:42:02.860 --> 00:42:04.840
make sure your partner has an orgasm if it's

00:42:04.840 --> 00:42:07.730
in the first 30 seconds. awesome. If it's in

00:42:07.730 --> 00:42:10.610
the first two minutes, great. It's really not

00:42:10.610 --> 00:42:13.250
about going on and on forever. It's just, has

00:42:13.250 --> 00:42:16.010
she had an orgasm? So one of the books I really

00:42:16.010 --> 00:42:18.550
love is from Ian Kerner and it's called She Comes

00:42:18.550 --> 00:42:22.389
First. And it's the fact that if your partner's

00:42:22.389 --> 00:42:24.389
had an orgasm, they don't really care how long

00:42:24.389 --> 00:42:26.929
you go. If you actually have an orgasm right

00:42:26.929 --> 00:42:29.849
after them or with them, that's fine. It could

00:42:29.849 --> 00:42:32.929
have been four minutes of sex. So it's not about

00:42:32.929 --> 00:42:35.389
the length of time. It's about them actually

00:42:35.389 --> 00:42:38.170
having an orgasm. orgasm right and then that

00:42:38.170 --> 00:42:40.769
that rings true with my second marriage you know

00:42:40.769 --> 00:42:43.269
my wife becky now you know we communicate very

00:42:43.269 --> 00:42:46.130
well so the the simplicity of the relationship

00:42:46.130 --> 00:42:48.570
was basically saying well what do you actually

00:42:48.570 --> 00:42:51.389
like and then we start talking like oh shit so

00:42:51.389 --> 00:42:53.130
you don't need so i can put the sex swing away

00:42:53.130 --> 00:42:57.789
then People don't have that conversation. They

00:42:57.789 --> 00:43:00.550
don't have that conversation. It's interesting.

00:43:00.730 --> 00:43:03.570
Women will ask for feedback all the time. We're

00:43:03.570 --> 00:43:06.329
just feedback machines. We want to know what

00:43:06.329 --> 00:43:08.309
we look like at different angles. We're always

00:43:08.309 --> 00:43:12.409
picking up information about what makes the environment

00:43:12.409 --> 00:43:16.050
safer, what makes people around us happier. I

00:43:16.050 --> 00:43:18.010
know I'm going to get pushback from that, but

00:43:18.010 --> 00:43:21.849
that's just the way we're wired. With men, guys

00:43:21.849 --> 00:43:25.679
will rarely ask for feedback. They just assume

00:43:25.679 --> 00:43:28.420
you had a great time. And we're partially at

00:43:28.420 --> 00:43:31.639
fault, you know. We're partially at fault because,

00:43:31.719 --> 00:43:34.719
you know, we'll play into that. But, you know,

00:43:34.719 --> 00:43:40.400
men will rarely, rarely ask or are in tune of

00:43:40.400 --> 00:43:43.679
like, you know, if I'm clenching and stiff and

00:43:43.679 --> 00:43:46.119
kind of like, it probably means what you're doing

00:43:46.119 --> 00:43:49.900
is not that great. If I'm saying, yes, oh, yes.

00:43:50.619 --> 00:43:53.219
That's awesome. Keep going. Like you should probably

00:43:53.219 --> 00:43:55.079
keep going, but don't switch it up. Whatever

00:43:55.079 --> 00:43:58.159
you're doing, just keep doing exactly that. So,

00:43:58.159 --> 00:44:00.960
you know, it could be so much simpler if we all

00:44:00.960 --> 00:44:03.760
just talked a little bit more and asked each

00:44:03.760 --> 00:44:06.079
other and asked each other because you wouldn't

00:44:06.079 --> 00:44:08.380
believe how many myths people believe about each

00:44:08.380 --> 00:44:10.619
other just because they just assumed, oh, I assumed

00:44:10.619 --> 00:44:13.739
guys like this or I assumed women loved that.

00:44:14.360 --> 00:44:16.800
And, you know, it couldn't be further from the

00:44:16.800 --> 00:44:19.159
truth. And in that ways, like, yes, women are

00:44:19.159 --> 00:44:23.409
snowflakes. But once you get the algorithm, you

00:44:23.409 --> 00:44:25.030
just have to do that algorithm. Like, you just

00:44:25.030 --> 00:44:27.289
do the same thing over and over again. And we're

00:44:27.289 --> 00:44:30.230
happy. And like I said, it does not matter. It

00:44:30.230 --> 00:44:32.369
does not have to be an hour and a half. If we're

00:44:32.369 --> 00:44:34.389
still letting you go on an hour and a half, you

00:44:34.389 --> 00:44:38.710
just haven't hit the mark. So, yeah. Brilliant.

00:44:38.769 --> 00:44:41.070
And then what about frequency? Like, again, you

00:44:41.070 --> 00:44:43.989
know, in the firehouse, oh, my God. There's always

00:44:43.989 --> 00:44:46.610
that one guy that's like, oh, I had sex 27 times

00:44:46.610 --> 00:44:50.389
again yesterday. You know, what's the real from

00:44:50.389 --> 00:44:54.269
a healthy marriage? And not like some sort of

00:44:54.269 --> 00:44:56.650
target to hit, but what does it end up averaging

00:44:56.650 --> 00:44:59.670
out? Like how often a healthy couple do have

00:44:59.670 --> 00:45:02.130
sex? Well, I got to tell you, like no one ever

00:45:02.130 --> 00:45:04.849
asks the chick that's the recipient of the 27

00:45:04.849 --> 00:45:08.849
times, like how she feels about it. So I doubt

00:45:08.849 --> 00:45:10.469
she remembers it. It's probably bullshit anyway.

00:45:11.570 --> 00:45:13.570
Totally. You have to cut that in half and then

00:45:13.570 --> 00:45:17.489
another quarter. But is that. is that he, again,

00:45:17.530 --> 00:45:20.590
is going for length of time and number of times.

00:45:20.650 --> 00:45:23.909
It's all about quantity. And we are not all about

00:45:23.909 --> 00:45:26.650
quantity. I mean, think about it. It's like a

00:45:26.650 --> 00:45:30.130
huge – 90 minutes is a lot of time to be doing

00:45:30.130 --> 00:45:33.690
anything, and you're just trying to have an orgasm

00:45:33.690 --> 00:45:36.369
for crying out loud, right? And then get some

00:45:36.369 --> 00:45:39.929
good sleep. So I would say that a lot of it depends

00:45:39.929 --> 00:45:41.829
on is it a new relationship because you know

00:45:41.829 --> 00:45:43.449
in the beginning of a relationship you're going

00:45:43.449 --> 00:45:46.150
to have a lot of sex. And then you have to be

00:45:46.150 --> 00:45:48.230
careful that you don't fall into a lull where

00:45:48.230 --> 00:45:51.610
you're not having sex because then it becomes

00:45:51.610 --> 00:45:53.869
habit and then your partner becomes your roommate.

00:45:54.050 --> 00:45:56.329
And it's really hard to get out of roommate land.

00:45:57.030 --> 00:46:01.210
But figuring out what times works for you and

00:46:01.210 --> 00:46:03.329
what is stopping your partner from wanting to

00:46:03.329 --> 00:46:04.690
have sex with you. So for instance, I've had

00:46:04.690 --> 00:46:08.329
women say to me, if the door's unlocked, I have

00:46:08.329 --> 00:46:10.889
a really hard time focusing on having an orgasm.

00:46:11.030 --> 00:46:13.389
And sometimes it's, I know this sounds so silly,

00:46:13.429 --> 00:46:17.980
but the fact is that Women can hear a lot more

00:46:17.980 --> 00:46:20.079
and they're hearing to see where the kids are

00:46:20.079 --> 00:46:22.619
and if the door is locked. So figure out what's

00:46:22.619 --> 00:46:25.119
that thing that would make your partner feel

00:46:25.119 --> 00:46:27.059
better, make your wife, your girlfriend feel

00:46:27.059 --> 00:46:30.079
better. Is it the door being locked so your kid

00:46:30.079 --> 00:46:33.980
might not walk in? I remember reading a study

00:46:33.980 --> 00:46:37.480
about having your feet be cold and how it's harder

00:46:37.480 --> 00:46:41.809
to orgasm when your feet are cold. It sounds

00:46:41.809 --> 00:46:45.369
like a detail, but what can you do to make her

00:46:45.369 --> 00:46:47.650
feel okay about having sex? And it might just

00:46:47.650 --> 00:46:50.289
be locking the door. It may be turning your phone

00:46:50.289 --> 00:46:51.889
off so the phone isn't ringing in the middle

00:46:51.889 --> 00:46:55.409
of things. It might be that you have sex in the

00:46:55.409 --> 00:46:57.730
morning and not at night. It might be that you

00:46:57.730 --> 00:47:00.170
have nap sex in the middle of the day. Nap sex

00:47:00.170 --> 00:47:03.130
is awesome. So you have to get not creative,

00:47:03.269 --> 00:47:06.469
but you actually have to schedule it and ask,

00:47:06.590 --> 00:47:09.369
you know, what's holding you back. And, you know,

00:47:09.389 --> 00:47:13.980
especially with women, Our weight really takes

00:47:13.980 --> 00:47:16.659
a toll on how we feel about ourselves and how

00:47:16.659 --> 00:47:21.119
sexy we feel. So making sure that your wife or

00:47:21.119 --> 00:47:25.039
your girlfriend feels beautiful is so important

00:47:25.039 --> 00:47:27.960
because it's hard to have sex when you're feeling

00:47:27.960 --> 00:47:31.639
unattractive. Yeah, that's something I've noticed

00:47:31.639 --> 00:47:33.860
though with a lot of marriages and I can say

00:47:33.860 --> 00:47:37.559
this, my previous one, and this isn't to throw

00:47:37.559 --> 00:47:40.969
mud at my ex or anything, but when when people

00:47:40.969 --> 00:47:44.070
do get married and then male female the weight

00:47:44.070 --> 00:47:48.250
goes on and i see that as as definitely a challenge

00:47:48.250 --> 00:47:51.050
to the physical side because it's not that you're

00:47:51.050 --> 00:47:53.409
going to walk around like barbie and ken but

00:47:53.409 --> 00:47:56.889
there's that feeling of of self -confidence when

00:47:57.500 --> 00:48:01.039
you're doing exercise and whatever it is that

00:48:01.039 --> 00:48:03.639
promotes your well -being. But if you know in

00:48:03.639 --> 00:48:06.300
your heart that you're kind of deteriorating,

00:48:06.300 --> 00:48:07.800
especially if it's physically and you're looking

00:48:07.800 --> 00:48:09.940
in the mirror, there's no question that's going

00:48:09.940 --> 00:48:13.119
to have an effect on your sex life. Yeah, and

00:48:13.119 --> 00:48:15.619
your self -esteem. I'm laughing because I'm thinking

00:48:15.619 --> 00:48:19.659
about someone you had on the podcast the other

00:48:19.659 --> 00:48:21.280
day. They were talking about being jacked fat.

00:48:21.639 --> 00:48:24.219
It was skinny fat and jacked. Was it Chris? It

00:48:24.219 --> 00:48:26.289
was Chris Bell. I think it was Chris, yeah. Yeah,

00:48:26.289 --> 00:48:27.710
yeah. And he was talking about being jacked fat

00:48:27.710 --> 00:48:31.889
and skinny fat. And so much of it depends on

00:48:31.889 --> 00:48:34.690
what your partner thinks. So if you gain weight

00:48:34.690 --> 00:48:36.590
and your partner's like, oh my God, you look

00:48:36.590 --> 00:48:40.389
so amazing. Your ass is so big, like you're gorgeous.

00:48:41.010 --> 00:48:43.010
Then you're kind of happy about it. But if you

00:48:43.010 --> 00:48:44.630
know in the back of your head that they're looking

00:48:44.630 --> 00:48:47.369
at you and they don't like that weight on you,

00:48:47.429 --> 00:48:50.389
it's sad to say, but your self -esteem depends

00:48:50.389 --> 00:48:52.530
a lot on what your significant other thinks of

00:48:52.530 --> 00:48:56.980
you. I love the power lifting in the CrossFit

00:48:56.980 --> 00:49:00.739
community because they've really made it so that

00:49:00.739 --> 00:49:04.039
weight doesn't matter as much as strength. So

00:49:04.039 --> 00:49:08.760
you have women who would have usually been getting

00:49:08.760 --> 00:49:11.039
on the scale and trying to cut calories and trying

00:49:11.039 --> 00:49:14.519
to cut weight. And all of a sudden they are actually

00:49:14.519 --> 00:49:16.840
their weight is up because they have more muscle

00:49:16.840 --> 00:49:19.139
and they're strong and they're curvy and they're

00:49:19.139 --> 00:49:23.409
strong and they feel good. And I can tell you

00:49:23.409 --> 00:49:26.090
that that's going to make an impact in the bedroom.

00:49:26.489 --> 00:49:28.769
So, you know, thank you to CrossFit and powerlifting

00:49:28.769 --> 00:49:32.710
and Olympic lifting for letting people gain weight

00:49:32.710 --> 00:49:35.750
in a healthy way and be muscular and strong and

00:49:35.750 --> 00:49:38.210
probably higher on the scale in a number than

00:49:38.210 --> 00:49:40.750
they ever would have thought is sexy in the past.

00:49:40.889 --> 00:49:43.230
But being strong makes you feel sexy. And if

00:49:43.230 --> 00:49:45.329
your significant other lifts with you or thinks

00:49:45.329 --> 00:49:48.639
your muscles are sexy too. even if you're not

00:49:48.639 --> 00:49:52.760
like at 120 pounds like your friends are, then

00:49:52.760 --> 00:49:55.159
that's just going to translate to more sex and

00:49:55.159 --> 00:49:57.280
better sex for sure. Yeah, yeah. And there's

00:49:57.280 --> 00:49:59.519
nothing better for your self -confidence than

00:49:59.519 --> 00:50:01.219
being able to climb that rope for the first time

00:50:01.219 --> 00:50:03.920
or run that distance that you've run. And I think

00:50:03.920 --> 00:50:06.800
that's it. When you realize that you're improving,

00:50:06.880 --> 00:50:09.139
not diminishing, and again, it's not about having

00:50:09.139 --> 00:50:12.420
a six -pack or looking great in active wear,

00:50:12.579 --> 00:50:15.940
but when you know that you are improving, bettering

00:50:15.940 --> 00:50:18.000
yourself I think that's where that real self

00:50:18.000 --> 00:50:20.739
-esteem comes from not the the feedback from

00:50:20.739 --> 00:50:24.340
other people yeah the deadlift I mean if you're

00:50:24.340 --> 00:50:27.099
deadlifting and you feel good about your deadlift

00:50:27.099 --> 00:50:29.900
like it's kind of crazy it sounds like a really

00:50:29.900 --> 00:50:32.900
good t -shirt but like being able to deadlift

00:50:32.900 --> 00:50:35.360
well and I'm a big fan of the deadlift is like

00:50:35.360 --> 00:50:37.800
you feel good You know, you get that little high

00:50:37.800 --> 00:50:41.340
afterwards and you feel strong and that's going

00:50:41.340 --> 00:50:44.960
to translate to how you carry yourself. And again,

00:50:45.039 --> 00:50:49.079
if your friends are all these like wafey yoga

00:50:49.079 --> 00:50:51.980
Pilates girls and you don't fit in because you're

00:50:51.980 --> 00:50:54.500
a little thicker, that can really take a toll

00:50:54.500 --> 00:50:58.139
on your self -esteem. I was just this weekend

00:50:58.139 --> 00:51:02.460
hanging out with Jen Widerstrom, who was one

00:51:02.460 --> 00:51:04.119
of the coaches on The Biggest Loser. She was

00:51:04.119 --> 00:51:09.139
a gladiator. gorgeous. She has like thick legs

00:51:09.139 --> 00:51:12.380
and she's got a great butt, small waist, boobs,

00:51:12.659 --> 00:51:15.119
beautiful arms. And she's not that your typical

00:51:15.119 --> 00:51:17.780
shape for people, but we were hanging out. I

00:51:17.780 --> 00:51:19.400
was just telling her, Jen, you are doing such

00:51:19.400 --> 00:51:23.039
a service to women who want to be strong, who

00:51:23.039 --> 00:51:27.000
don't want to be, you know, tiny, that being

00:51:27.000 --> 00:51:30.909
skinny is not. their motive that actually they

00:51:30.909 --> 00:51:32.889
want to be strong and they want to have bigger

00:51:32.889 --> 00:51:35.510
legs and want to be able to deadlift more and

00:51:35.510 --> 00:51:38.610
Jen is an amazing model of exactly that of you

00:51:38.610 --> 00:51:41.269
can be really sexy and really muscular at the

00:51:41.269 --> 00:51:43.670
same time yeah no they've done CrossFit's done

00:51:43.670 --> 00:51:47.360
an amazing job of redefining women period you

00:51:47.360 --> 00:51:50.019
know as far as the ability and the look as well

00:51:50.019 --> 00:51:52.519
and i find some of the crossfit athletes extremely

00:51:52.519 --> 00:51:55.159
sexy you know with obviously they're muscular

00:51:55.159 --> 00:51:57.380
but it's what they can do you know they're not

00:51:57.380 --> 00:51:59.579
they're not buying into that well i'll just stay

00:51:59.579 --> 00:52:01.480
at home and wash the dishes while you go to work

00:52:01.480 --> 00:52:04.880
alpha male that's like no no this is this this

00:52:04.880 --> 00:52:07.360
is planet earth where up till very recently women

00:52:07.360 --> 00:52:09.239
were working and doing just the same things as

00:52:09.239 --> 00:52:13.389
men yeah it's funny because i'm reading um Tesla's

00:52:13.389 --> 00:52:16.369
biography because he's a I'm Serbian and Cuban

00:52:16.369 --> 00:52:20.329
and he was Serbian. And he talks about the women

00:52:20.329 --> 00:52:24.110
in in Serbia and how hard they worked. So they

00:52:24.110 --> 00:52:26.170
would not only farm, but they would take care

00:52:26.170 --> 00:52:29.050
of children and just like how tough life was

00:52:29.050 --> 00:52:32.730
for them and what tough people the Serbian moms

00:52:32.730 --> 00:52:35.849
and Serbian grandmothers were. And, you know,

00:52:35.869 --> 00:52:37.769
it was just, you know, resonating with me knowing

00:52:37.769 --> 00:52:39.880
that these are, you know, my. at least on my

00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:41.519
father's side of the family, these are the people

00:52:41.519 --> 00:52:44.579
that I come from, but like extremely tough lives

00:52:44.579 --> 00:52:49.139
and very efficient in getting all the work done

00:52:49.139 --> 00:52:52.559
and rearing children and taking care of things.

00:52:52.639 --> 00:52:55.679
Just like, you know, three jobs all rolled into

00:52:55.679 --> 00:53:01.380
one and not very friendly settings as far as,

00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:04.219
you know, nature and history and things like

00:53:04.219 --> 00:53:07.090
that. Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, there's

00:53:07.090 --> 00:53:09.570
one other area of sex I want to talk about. And

00:53:09.570 --> 00:53:13.070
then we'll take that segue and go into the breath

00:53:13.070 --> 00:53:16.289
work and the bulk of your work now. But another

00:53:16.289 --> 00:53:19.050
thing that you touched on with the guy on the

00:53:19.050 --> 00:53:22.150
Align podcast was masturbation. And I'm sure

00:53:22.150 --> 00:53:23.789
the word is probably going to make some people

00:53:23.789 --> 00:53:27.690
cringe because, you know, whatever doctrine they've

00:53:27.690 --> 00:53:30.349
been raised on, that's a dirty, dirty word. But

00:53:30.349 --> 00:53:34.440
it's something I think that most people do. pretend

00:53:34.440 --> 00:53:38.280
they don't. Um, so what is, uh, what have you

00:53:38.280 --> 00:53:42.159
learned as far as that and health benefits? Well,

00:53:42.280 --> 00:53:44.900
I just want to tie it back to, um, the fact that

00:53:44.900 --> 00:53:47.099
when you talk about breathing, there's energy,

00:53:47.239 --> 00:53:50.860
um, and all the Tantra works and I don't focus

00:53:50.860 --> 00:53:54.099
on this. It's not my, not my expertise, but definitely

00:53:54.099 --> 00:53:57.340
when you talk about sex and the breath and whether

00:53:57.340 --> 00:53:59.579
it's masturbation or orgasm, like all those things

00:53:59.579 --> 00:54:03.230
go together. Um, when you talk about you know,

00:54:03.250 --> 00:54:07.269
being multi orgasmic, um, and orgasms in general,

00:54:07.309 --> 00:54:11.429
the breath is definitely tied to that. Um, so

00:54:11.429 --> 00:54:13.610
in look at me, I've just completely forgotten

00:54:13.610 --> 00:54:15.690
the question. It had to do with masturbating.

00:54:15.690 --> 00:54:18.909
How do you be master of your domain? Like, like

00:54:18.909 --> 00:54:24.150
Seinfeld says, but yeah, the connection with,

00:54:24.190 --> 00:54:26.329
with, with the health side. So, so it's demonized,

00:54:26.329 --> 00:54:30.510
you know? So, but I mean, people should masturbate

00:54:30.510 --> 00:54:33.500
just cause it's, it makes you feel better and

00:54:33.500 --> 00:54:35.900
it's a release of energy. I mean, it doesn't,

00:54:35.900 --> 00:54:38.659
it doesn't even have to be that sexual. It's

00:54:38.659 --> 00:54:40.760
more like, let me masturbate because I want to

00:54:40.760 --> 00:54:44.119
go to sleep. So in general, we don't talk to

00:54:44.119 --> 00:54:47.659
kids about it. We, it's not taught. It's not

00:54:47.659 --> 00:54:52.150
okay. It's dirty. And, you know, it'd be so interesting

00:54:52.150 --> 00:54:55.050
if we were so much more open -minded about it,

00:54:55.070 --> 00:54:56.650
if it was so much more natural. I can't even

00:54:56.650 --> 00:54:59.489
imagine what that would look like. I mean, I

00:54:59.489 --> 00:55:01.510
can't even imagine them teaching or talking about

00:55:01.510 --> 00:55:07.809
that in schools. But it's just, you know, I remember.

00:55:09.279 --> 00:55:11.440
Again, going back to Fox News, having somebody

00:55:11.440 --> 00:55:14.539
say like, I don't know. She was yelling at me

00:55:14.539 --> 00:55:16.340
through email, of course, because I could hear

00:55:16.340 --> 00:55:20.579
it. It was all in caps. It was all in caps. It

00:55:20.579 --> 00:55:22.579
was all in caps. And he was saying like, I don't

00:55:22.579 --> 00:55:25.059
know why you talk so much about relationships

00:55:25.059 --> 00:55:27.280
and sex because I'd really rather masturbate.

00:55:27.619 --> 00:55:29.760
And I wrote back and I said, I think that's a

00:55:29.760 --> 00:55:33.320
great idea. Like, you should. Just think about

00:55:33.320 --> 00:55:37.219
it. Like, you're all uptight. Masturbate, you

00:55:37.219 --> 00:55:40.860
feel better. You feel like, you know, you just

00:55:40.860 --> 00:55:43.239
masturbated. You got it done. You got it over

00:55:43.239 --> 00:55:46.280
with and you just feel better. So it just from

00:55:46.280 --> 00:55:48.860
a from a like your body feeling better and a

00:55:48.860 --> 00:55:51.000
release. We're sexual animals. We have a sexual

00:55:51.000 --> 00:55:54.340
energy. You're going to be calmer afterwards.

00:55:55.860 --> 00:55:57.960
You know, I should say that there's no literature

00:55:57.960 --> 00:56:00.579
that shows that not having sex before a fight

00:56:00.579 --> 00:56:02.860
makes you be a better fighter. I remember being

00:56:02.860 --> 00:56:06.360
at Men's Fitness and researching that. So although

00:56:06.360 --> 00:56:08.699
people say that and they won't have sex before

00:56:08.699 --> 00:56:10.840
a fight, there's no research that shows that

00:56:10.840 --> 00:56:12.699
that actually makes you have a better fight.

00:56:13.059 --> 00:56:15.880
But I can imagine being at the firehouse. It's

00:56:15.880 --> 00:56:18.400
probably not something you do all out in the

00:56:18.400 --> 00:56:24.980
open. Not on the engine on a call, no. But I

00:56:24.980 --> 00:56:27.079
think that when you have kids, you have to make

00:56:27.079 --> 00:56:29.360
sure that they don't have the idea that this

00:56:29.360 --> 00:56:33.699
is something that's dirty. And that in whatever

00:56:33.699 --> 00:56:36.539
vocabulary you can, you encourage it because

00:56:36.539 --> 00:56:42.059
especially with girls is that if you are a girl

00:56:42.059 --> 00:56:43.480
and you masturbate, you're going to know what

00:56:43.480 --> 00:56:49.460
pleases you better. And, you know, what else

00:56:49.460 --> 00:56:52.400
can I say about that? Yeah, well, it's funny.

00:56:52.480 --> 00:56:55.239
You talked about the withholding. We've heard

00:56:55.239 --> 00:56:57.639
that a lot from sports people. I just sat down

00:56:57.639 --> 00:57:00.159
with Hoyce Gracie the other day, and it wasn't

00:57:00.159 --> 00:57:02.059
in this conversation. It was one I listened to

00:57:02.059 --> 00:57:04.760
him have with another guy that I was with on

00:57:04.760 --> 00:57:09.400
his podcast. But his dad, Helio, had said the

00:57:09.400 --> 00:57:13.449
same thing to them. and uh hoister basically

00:57:13.449 --> 00:57:15.750
said uh i'm not doing that and he was like why

00:57:15.750 --> 00:57:18.309
he said dad you've got nine kids and you fought

00:57:18.309 --> 00:57:20.869
your whole life there's no way in hell you abstain

00:57:20.869 --> 00:57:25.090
so i don't want to hear it that's beautiful that's

00:57:25.090 --> 00:57:29.010
hilarious i love that i love that yeah and i

00:57:29.010 --> 00:57:32.070
mean there's we have that sort of a when we see

00:57:32.070 --> 00:57:33.849
someone who's really uptight we think oh like

00:57:34.300 --> 00:57:36.599
You know, you say you're a little crass, maybe,

00:57:36.679 --> 00:57:38.679
or I am, is that you say, oh, yeah, like they

00:57:38.679 --> 00:57:40.699
need to get laid. And the fact is they don't

00:57:40.699 --> 00:57:42.380
need to get laid. They actually like probably

00:57:42.380 --> 00:57:45.820
should masturbate or orgasm or do something that's

00:57:45.820 --> 00:57:48.539
just sexually going to be able to get them to

00:57:48.539 --> 00:57:50.420
calm down. Or maybe they need to go for a run

00:57:50.420 --> 00:57:52.940
as well. But that just takes more time. But,

00:57:52.980 --> 00:57:54.880
you know, that whole notion of they're so uptight,

00:57:54.980 --> 00:57:56.760
they need to have sex. Well, yeah, because sex

00:57:56.760 --> 00:58:00.579
does calm you down. And, you know, it makes you

00:58:00.579 --> 00:58:02.940
feel more alive. And then you feel if you're

00:58:02.940 --> 00:58:05.380
having sex with someone else and you both orgasm,

00:58:05.380 --> 00:58:07.639
you feel more connected. And just life is, you

00:58:07.639 --> 00:58:08.780
know, you get up and you're like, hey, well,

00:58:08.900 --> 00:58:12.400
you know, life is not so bad. It's a good way

00:58:12.400 --> 00:58:15.739
of avoiding horrible sexual decisions, too, if

00:58:15.739 --> 00:58:19.139
you do it before you go out. Well, you know,

00:58:19.179 --> 00:58:21.739
there's the whole like something about Mary letting

00:58:21.739 --> 00:58:25.699
one out of the chamber before you go out. it

00:58:25.699 --> 00:58:27.960
just think about the dumb things that people

00:58:27.960 --> 00:58:32.639
have done you know especially politicians and

00:58:32.639 --> 00:58:36.860
you know actors we won't talk about because the

00:58:36.860 --> 00:58:43.380
the their their urge to you know uh have sex

00:58:43.380 --> 00:58:46.119
or their their wanting to conquest is like gotten

00:58:46.119 --> 00:58:49.679
in the way of their judgment So it would probably

00:58:49.679 --> 00:58:52.760
be a good rule is like orgasm first and then

00:58:52.760 --> 00:58:56.079
make a decision and think about whether it's

00:58:56.079 --> 00:59:00.599
a good decision afterwards. So you mentioned

00:59:00.599 --> 00:59:03.239
about the connection between breathwork and sex.

00:59:03.480 --> 00:59:05.559
Obviously, I'm sure we can all envision when

00:59:05.559 --> 00:59:08.019
we're getting close to climaxing that that certainly

00:59:08.019 --> 00:59:11.820
comes in. Exactly. Yeah. So would you elaborate

00:59:11.820 --> 00:59:17.110
on that for me? Sure, sure. The squeeze that

00:59:17.110 --> 00:59:20.429
you're trying to make with your pelvic floor

00:59:20.429 --> 00:59:23.530
when you're trying not to orgasm and pull back,

00:59:23.650 --> 00:59:26.530
all this comes from, I'm forgetting his name,

00:59:26.650 --> 00:59:32.929
but when you, there's hundreds of year old texts

00:59:32.929 --> 00:59:38.329
and information that have to do with how to become

00:59:38.329 --> 00:59:40.510
multi -orgasmic, which means that you have an

00:59:40.510 --> 00:59:43.440
orgasm without actually ejaculating. And it all

00:59:43.440 --> 00:59:46.539
comes from having better control of all the muscles

00:59:46.539 --> 00:59:48.619
that have to do with your pelvic floor and with

00:59:48.619 --> 00:59:51.980
your erection. So if you're trying to sort of

00:59:51.980 --> 00:59:55.260
back off at a moment before you have an orgasm,

00:59:55.260 --> 00:59:58.980
what you're trying to do is squeeze and, you

00:59:58.980 --> 01:00:04.300
know, think of England. So the squeeze is actually

01:00:04.300 --> 01:00:07.900
a squeeze of your pelvic floor. So all the muscles

01:00:07.900 --> 01:00:12.230
that are between your sit bones. your pubic bone,

01:00:12.329 --> 01:00:15.389
and your tailbone. So all the muscles that are

01:00:15.389 --> 01:00:19.230
part of your bicycle seat. So you're trying to

01:00:19.230 --> 01:00:22.929
squeeze all that on an exhale. So what happens,

01:00:23.010 --> 01:00:25.750
and it doesn't go right often, is that you'll

01:00:25.750 --> 01:00:28.050
squeeze on the inhale. And what I want you to

01:00:28.050 --> 01:00:29.590
do, and you're probably squeezing right now,

01:00:29.630 --> 01:00:32.690
which is fine, is squeeze your pelvic floor,

01:00:33.050 --> 01:00:37.289
do a Kegel with all your muscles on the bottom

01:00:37.289 --> 01:00:41.800
of your body, and do it on the exhale. So that

01:00:41.800 --> 01:00:45.239
not only is going to give you a couple more seconds

01:00:45.239 --> 01:00:48.739
and let you sort of lean off the gas pedal. So

01:00:48.739 --> 01:00:51.059
when I say squeeze your pelvic floor, a lot of

01:00:51.059 --> 01:00:52.960
people don't know what that means. Your pelvic

01:00:52.960 --> 01:00:56.380
floor is a group of 20 muscles at the bottom

01:00:56.380 --> 01:00:59.960
of your body. It's a lot of muscles and it's

01:00:59.960 --> 01:01:02.179
everything that hits the bicycle seat when you're

01:01:02.179 --> 01:01:04.820
on a bicycle and a little bit more. So if you

01:01:04.820 --> 01:01:06.980
think about it in your mind's eye, you're thinking

01:01:06.980 --> 01:01:11.599
about a not quite a small pizza, just a little

01:01:11.599 --> 01:01:14.420
bit smaller than a small pizza, but it's a lot

01:01:14.420 --> 01:01:17.300
of muscles. There's three layers of them. So

01:01:17.300 --> 01:01:20.039
when you squeeze, the squeeze feels like you're

01:01:20.039 --> 01:01:22.719
trying to stop urine midstream, but that's just

01:01:22.719 --> 01:01:24.800
the beginning. I want you to try to squeeze all

01:01:24.800 --> 01:01:26.960
those muscles and it almost feels like you're

01:01:26.960 --> 01:01:30.659
squeezing them up into your body. So in lifting,

01:01:30.719 --> 01:01:34.360
you say balls to spine, and that's what I want

01:01:34.360 --> 01:01:37.019
you to do, but do it on an exhale. So go ahead

01:01:37.019 --> 01:01:39.039
and try that now and let me know how it goes.

01:01:43.599 --> 01:01:47.019
Yeah, I feel them all being engaged. Okay. So

01:01:47.019 --> 01:01:49.940
usually is that when you're told to do a Kegel

01:01:49.940 --> 01:01:52.840
or a pelvic floor contraction is that you're

01:01:52.840 --> 01:01:55.300
not told how to do the breathing at the same

01:01:55.300 --> 01:01:58.059
time. And because your pelvic floor is attached

01:01:58.059 --> 01:02:00.940
to your diaphragm by your psoas muscles, you'll

01:02:00.940 --> 01:02:03.699
actually get a tighter squeeze. So you'll get

01:02:03.699 --> 01:02:06.940
a better contraction by doing it with the exhale.

01:02:07.139 --> 01:02:10.760
And again, all this to me is muscles and body

01:02:10.760 --> 01:02:13.539
parts. It's not. It doesn't have to be sexual

01:02:13.539 --> 01:02:16.980
at all. It's just about having that part of your

01:02:16.980 --> 01:02:19.519
body, which is all the muscles which are connected

01:02:19.519 --> 01:02:22.280
to your glutes and your lower abs and your spine,

01:02:22.519 --> 01:02:26.300
having them be strong. So the flip side to that

01:02:26.300 --> 01:02:28.320
is that that's actually going to help with your

01:02:28.320 --> 01:02:30.539
orgasm, whether you're male or you're female.

01:02:30.739 --> 01:02:34.079
So making that part of your body strong, flexible,

01:02:34.139 --> 01:02:37.199
and healthy is going to make for better sex,

01:02:37.300 --> 01:02:40.159
better orgasm, regardless of whether you have

01:02:40.159 --> 01:02:42.750
a penis or a vulva. Right. Now you talked about

01:02:42.750 --> 01:02:45.329
the pelvic floor. I had Julian Pannot on a couple

01:02:45.329 --> 01:02:48.670
of times. And one of his observations was this.

01:02:48.710 --> 01:02:50.610
This was not so much about the breath initially,

01:02:50.750 --> 01:02:54.829
but more movement patterns and imbalance of muscles.

01:02:54.969 --> 01:02:57.710
But how a lot of the elite CrossFit athletes

01:02:57.710 --> 01:03:01.710
were urinating themselves, the women. And then

01:03:01.710 --> 01:03:05.349
also you see that through women that have vaginal

01:03:05.349 --> 01:03:08.610
births and then have terrible problems with with

01:03:08.610 --> 01:03:13.530
leaking after. the childbirth side, I give the

01:03:13.530 --> 01:03:16.190
body way more credit than that. So are there

01:03:16.190 --> 01:03:17.769
things that we're doing that are contributing

01:03:17.769 --> 01:03:20.469
to that pelvic floor weakness? Oh my goodness,

01:03:20.530 --> 01:03:22.769
so much. I mean, that's a whole podcast. And

01:03:22.769 --> 01:03:24.170
first of all, I have to say, I listened to that

01:03:24.170 --> 01:03:27.610
podcast with Julian Pino. It was amazing. I loved,

01:03:27.710 --> 01:03:30.110
that was one of the first ones that I listened

01:03:30.110 --> 01:03:32.949
to and it was really great. So thank you for

01:03:32.949 --> 01:03:36.389
having him on. With the pelvic floor, what's

01:03:36.389 --> 01:03:38.150
interesting is we keep talking about the body

01:03:38.150 --> 01:03:41.630
as a canister. So as a soda pop can, I think

01:03:41.630 --> 01:03:44.369
Americans say, but like as this canister. And

01:03:44.369 --> 01:03:46.650
people always think about the core as the middle

01:03:46.650 --> 01:03:48.730
of their body. And they don't realize that the

01:03:48.730 --> 01:03:51.329
canister actually has a bottom. And if you're

01:03:51.329 --> 01:03:54.510
squeezing the middle of the canister, the bottom

01:03:54.510 --> 01:03:57.670
of it is going to fall out. So that's what's

01:03:57.670 --> 01:04:00.630
happening is that whether you're male or female

01:04:00.630 --> 01:04:03.889
or have had children or not, if you're squeezing

01:04:03.889 --> 01:04:06.150
the middle of the container like a toothpaste,

01:04:06.449 --> 01:04:12.010
you know, toothpaste uh help me out here a tube

01:04:12.010 --> 01:04:14.489
of toothpaste a tube that's it a tube of toothpaste

01:04:14.489 --> 01:04:17.130
is that if you're squeezing it and that's the

01:04:17.130 --> 01:04:21.690
squeeze is your ab muscles the squeeze is uh

01:04:21.690 --> 01:04:24.309
the abdominal pressure that you put on it before

01:04:24.309 --> 01:04:27.969
you lift um the bottom of it if you're not paying

01:04:27.969 --> 01:04:31.869
attention is going to herniate so pelvic floor

01:04:31.869 --> 01:04:34.929
herniations for men and for women are at an all

01:04:34.929 --> 01:04:38.869
-time high now If you think of even go a step

01:04:38.869 --> 01:04:41.829
further, beyond pelvic floor herniations, what

01:04:41.829 --> 01:04:45.070
happens another 10 years later is you end up

01:04:45.070 --> 01:04:46.809
in adult diapers. And we don't want to think

01:04:46.809 --> 01:04:48.809
about this because you're not going to look cute

01:04:48.809 --> 01:04:51.030
in adult diapers and I'm not either. And it's

01:04:51.030 --> 01:04:52.530
not going to happen to either of us. Don't worry.

01:04:52.630 --> 01:04:55.309
I'll make sure it doesn't. But is that the adult

01:04:55.309 --> 01:04:58.590
diaper industry is huge and it's huge for a reason

01:04:58.590 --> 01:05:00.469
is because we're not being educated about our

01:05:00.469 --> 01:05:02.670
pelvic floors and they're just going to shit.

01:05:03.360 --> 01:05:06.119
And we're ending up wearing adult diapers and

01:05:06.119 --> 01:05:09.599
thinking that that's normal part of aging. And

01:05:09.599 --> 01:05:12.260
the fact is that if you're going to the gym and

01:05:12.260 --> 01:05:14.059
you're working out all your different muscles,

01:05:14.139 --> 01:05:16.599
you're learning about fascia, you're doing your

01:05:16.599 --> 01:05:19.000
active recovery, you're doing all these things

01:05:19.000 --> 01:05:21.400
to optimize your body. What are you doing about

01:05:21.400 --> 01:05:23.860
your pelvic floor? And most people don't even

01:05:23.860 --> 01:05:26.300
know where it is or how many muscles it is. And

01:05:26.300 --> 01:05:30.119
it comes with that. that prudishness that, if

01:05:30.119 --> 01:05:32.699
that's a word, that Americans have of like, they

01:05:32.699 --> 01:05:34.199
don't want to think about that part of the body.

01:05:34.340 --> 01:05:36.500
It's like, it's kind of not there. So we're not

01:05:36.500 --> 01:05:39.480
going to talk about it because it's urogenital.

01:05:39.559 --> 01:05:42.619
It has to do with elimination and it has to do

01:05:42.619 --> 01:05:44.059
with sex. So we don't want to talk about it.

01:05:44.099 --> 01:05:46.880
And the fact is that it's a lot of muscles and

01:05:46.880 --> 01:05:50.440
we put a lot of pressure on it. So it's not just

01:05:50.440 --> 01:05:53.659
women who have had babies or vaginal births.

01:05:53.840 --> 01:05:55.920
Some of the worst pelvic floors are runners.

01:05:57.519 --> 01:06:01.199
Um, powerless lifters, CrossFit and Olympic lifters

01:06:01.199 --> 01:06:03.300
have some of the worst pelvic floors as well,

01:06:03.380 --> 01:06:06.900
because we're inhaling and bearing down and people

01:06:06.900 --> 01:06:09.719
aren't teaching that that bear down should not

01:06:09.719 --> 01:06:12.179
be happening. Those muscles were never meant

01:06:12.179 --> 01:06:16.840
to put up with the kind of training that we do

01:06:16.840 --> 01:06:19.300
where we're bearing down on them. We should actually

01:06:19.300 --> 01:06:22.579
be squeezing them. And that makes for more intra

01:06:22.579 --> 01:06:25.429
-abdominal and intra -thoracic pressure. All

01:06:25.429 --> 01:06:26.789
right. So if you wouldn't mind, because that's

01:06:26.789 --> 01:06:28.250
something I'm sure a lot of people are going

01:06:28.250 --> 01:06:31.329
to be able to connect with, because I'm sure

01:06:31.329 --> 01:06:33.309
most people that listen do some sort of lifting,

01:06:33.349 --> 01:06:35.150
whether it's actually in the gym or even just

01:06:35.150 --> 01:06:37.070
picking up a patient off the floor, which most

01:06:37.070 --> 01:06:40.610
of us do. How would you describe that we do create

01:06:40.610 --> 01:06:43.550
that corset, that intra -abdominal pressure the

01:06:43.550 --> 01:06:47.070
correct way? Sure. I mean, this is a topic I

01:06:47.070 --> 01:06:50.070
absolutely is fascinating to me because so much

01:06:50.070 --> 01:06:53.010
of lower back pain has to do with dysfunctional

01:06:53.010 --> 01:06:55.510
pelvic floors. And it's not necessarily that

01:06:55.510 --> 01:06:58.329
your pelvic floor is loose or weak. Sometimes

01:06:58.329 --> 01:07:01.789
it's just rigid and it's completely out of balance.

01:07:02.030 --> 01:07:04.889
So you might have, because it's 20 different

01:07:04.889 --> 01:07:06.750
muscles, you might have two or three muscles

01:07:06.750 --> 01:07:09.519
that are super tight. and three or four that

01:07:09.519 --> 01:07:11.639
are really loose, but it creates this unbalance

01:07:11.639 --> 01:07:13.840
at the very bottom part of your body, and it

01:07:13.840 --> 01:07:16.239
just ripples throughout your whole body. So you

01:07:16.239 --> 01:07:19.199
go to pick someone up, and ooh, it feels like

01:07:19.199 --> 01:07:21.940
you hurt something, you slipped a disc. Most

01:07:21.940 --> 01:07:26.239
of L4, L5 problems are not related necessarily

01:07:26.239 --> 01:07:30.460
to the spine. They're related to the fact that

01:07:30.460 --> 01:07:33.559
your pelvic floor affects the bottom of your

01:07:33.559 --> 01:07:36.969
spine. So to me, when you go in and you have

01:07:36.969 --> 01:07:40.769
L4, L5 problems, it's really awful that you'll

01:07:40.769 --> 01:07:45.329
have a lot of docs only focus on your spine and

01:07:45.329 --> 01:07:48.329
your discs. You should be looking at the pelvic

01:07:48.329 --> 01:07:51.550
floor. And in all other countries, people have

01:07:51.550 --> 01:07:54.090
physical therapy that has to do with pelvic floor,

01:07:54.110 --> 01:07:56.469
pelvic floor, physical therapists, physiotherapists

01:07:56.469 --> 01:07:59.050
that are covered by insurance. So you live in

01:07:59.050 --> 01:08:02.309
Australia, you live in the UK. You can get a

01:08:02.309 --> 01:08:04.769
pelvic floor assessment that's covered and people

01:08:04.769 --> 01:08:07.590
do it. It's normal. In the United States, you

01:08:07.590 --> 01:08:10.190
know, I get people looking at me wide -eyed.

01:08:10.250 --> 01:08:12.130
What? A physical therapist that works on your

01:08:12.130 --> 01:08:16.529
pelvic floor from the inside? Yes. Under socialized

01:08:16.529 --> 01:08:21.050
medicine? I thought that was from Russia. Oh,

01:08:21.189 --> 01:08:24.939
my goodness. So you end up with a lot of lower

01:08:24.939 --> 01:08:27.460
back pain and a lot of pelvic floor dysfunction

01:08:27.460 --> 01:08:29.359
because we're not paying attention to it and

01:08:29.359 --> 01:08:32.260
we're not educated about it. So what I want you

01:08:32.260 --> 01:08:34.140
to think about is already think about this, no

01:08:34.140 --> 01:08:36.199
matter who you are. And when I first started

01:08:36.199 --> 01:08:38.100
teaching, I started teaching military and law

01:08:38.100 --> 01:08:40.300
enforcement. And I remember I was working with

01:08:40.300 --> 01:08:43.260
first responders over in San Diego. And I remember

01:08:43.260 --> 01:08:45.840
asking the group, who here has a pelvic floor?

01:08:46.699 --> 01:08:49.060
And still to this day, I'll always have some

01:08:49.060 --> 01:08:52.319
guys usually who are like, oh, no, I don't have

01:08:52.319 --> 01:08:54.340
a pelvic floor. And there's always one guy who's

01:08:54.340 --> 01:08:57.439
like, no, no, I don't have one. That's like chick

01:08:57.439 --> 01:09:00.300
stuff. And the fact is that we all have pelvic

01:09:00.300 --> 01:09:03.439
floors. And what you can do to figure out and

01:09:03.439 --> 01:09:05.180
really get a sense of where yours is and we're

01:09:05.180 --> 01:09:07.939
going to do a little interactive right now is

01:09:07.939 --> 01:09:10.880
I want you to sit on your hands with your palms

01:09:10.880 --> 01:09:14.670
up. Okay. So your palms are facing up and you're

01:09:14.670 --> 01:09:17.869
sitting them. And you should feel your sit bones,

01:09:18.130 --> 01:09:20.810
your ischial tuberosities, like leaning into

01:09:20.810 --> 01:09:23.170
the palms of your hands. One's on the right and

01:09:23.170 --> 01:09:25.409
one's on the left. So go ahead and do that. If

01:09:25.409 --> 01:09:27.250
you're driving and listening to this, don't do

01:09:27.250 --> 01:09:29.590
it. Or you can do it with one hand carefully.

01:09:30.329 --> 01:09:33.250
But I want you to realize where those sit bones

01:09:33.250 --> 01:09:36.680
are. So even if you have a big butt, you'll be

01:09:36.680 --> 01:09:38.939
able to feel your sit bones. And I want you to

01:09:38.939 --> 01:09:41.439
think about in your mind's eye, and usually people

01:09:41.439 --> 01:09:43.439
have to look up towards the ceiling and look

01:09:43.439 --> 01:09:47.000
mildly confused, how much space you have between

01:09:47.000 --> 01:09:50.020
one bone on the right and the other bone on the

01:09:50.020 --> 01:09:52.600
left. So this is the part of your body that's

01:09:52.600 --> 01:09:56.939
on your seat from one bone to the other. So what

01:09:56.939 --> 01:10:00.779
do you got, James? Got it. That feels like. four

01:10:00.779 --> 01:10:03.680
inches apart maybe and the guy the guy i just

01:10:03.680 --> 01:10:05.500
hit in front of my car he looks pissed off right

01:10:05.500 --> 01:10:10.060
now just try to explain to him what you're doing

01:10:10.060 --> 01:10:13.329
so uh So yeah, exactly five inches. So now you're

01:10:13.329 --> 01:10:14.970
going to get to know more about James than you

01:10:14.970 --> 01:10:17.949
ever thought you would. James' pelvic floor from

01:10:17.949 --> 01:10:19.890
one sit bone to the other is about five inches.

01:10:20.010 --> 01:10:22.550
And that's kind of your average. So now what

01:10:22.550 --> 01:10:24.250
I want you to do, and don't worry, this doesn't

01:10:24.250 --> 01:10:26.949
get any weirder, is that I want you to put one

01:10:26.949 --> 01:10:29.069
finger on your pubic bone at the front of your

01:10:29.069 --> 01:10:31.449
body. So that's where your zipper ends at the

01:10:31.449 --> 01:10:33.930
front of your body. And that's your pubic bone.

01:10:35.770 --> 01:10:38.210
And now your other hand, not if you're driving.

01:10:38.680 --> 01:10:40.479
But your other hand, if you're just sitting around

01:10:40.479 --> 01:10:43.619
with us on your tailbone in the back of your

01:10:43.619 --> 01:10:46.039
body and tailbones always funny to me because

01:10:46.039 --> 01:10:48.539
like it is exactly where it would be if we had

01:10:48.539 --> 01:10:51.199
a tail and that's called your coccyx and you

01:10:51.199 --> 01:10:53.819
can feel it. It's at the very top of your butt

01:10:53.819 --> 01:10:56.239
crack is that's where your tailbone is. So I

01:10:56.239 --> 01:10:57.979
want you one hand in the front on your pubic

01:10:57.979 --> 01:11:01.100
bone and one in the back on your tailbone. And

01:11:01.100 --> 01:11:03.600
then again, in your mind's eye, and I have measured

01:11:03.600 --> 01:11:05.600
this on people, believe me, I want you to think

01:11:05.600 --> 01:11:08.329
about how much space. you have from one bone

01:11:08.329 --> 01:11:11.189
in the front to the bone in the back if you went

01:11:11.189 --> 01:11:14.010
straight across. Okay. Seems like it would be

01:11:14.010 --> 01:11:17.649
more about six, seven inches. Exactly. Exactly.

01:11:18.829 --> 01:11:21.890
So if you put those two diameters together so

01:11:21.890 --> 01:11:23.890
that you have a visual, you've got about five

01:11:23.890 --> 01:11:26.529
inches and about six or seven inches. So it's

01:11:26.529 --> 01:11:30.869
an oblong shaped amount of real estate, but it's

01:11:30.869 --> 01:11:33.909
a pretty big chunk of your body right there.

01:11:34.069 --> 01:11:36.149
And I want you to sort of make that circle in

01:11:36.149 --> 01:11:38.819
front of you. It's like, wow, that is a lot of

01:11:38.819 --> 01:11:41.960
muscle down there. I never thought about that.

01:11:42.039 --> 01:11:46.100
It's like, that's pretty big. So that disc of

01:11:46.100 --> 01:11:51.060
muscle is three layers of muscles that are intertwined.

01:11:51.100 --> 01:11:54.439
That's your pelvic floor. And if you're kind

01:11:54.439 --> 01:11:57.579
of an anatomy junkie like I am, it's like, wow,

01:11:57.920 --> 01:12:01.640
that is a lot of muscle. Are we training that

01:12:01.640 --> 01:12:05.439
muscle? Did we know where it was? Is it healthy?

01:12:05.659 --> 01:12:08.420
What is it attached to? What are the symptoms

01:12:08.420 --> 01:12:11.399
of it not being healthy? And usually it's going

01:12:11.399 --> 01:12:15.539
to be lower back pain. So that is your pelvic

01:12:15.539 --> 01:12:17.159
floor. And if you want to go ahead and do a little

01:12:17.159 --> 01:12:20.739
exercise right now is that on the inhale, you

01:12:20.739 --> 01:12:23.260
relax your pelvic floor because most of us have

01:12:23.260 --> 01:12:25.520
parts of our pelvic floor that's way too rigid,

01:12:25.680 --> 01:12:29.619
really tight as a muscle. So on the inhale, you're

01:12:29.619 --> 01:12:31.960
going to relax that part of your body. So that

01:12:31.960 --> 01:12:34.729
whole. a bunch of muscles on the bottom part

01:12:34.729 --> 01:12:36.510
of your bicycle seat. You're going to relax them

01:12:36.510 --> 01:12:39.430
on the inhale. And on the exhale, that's where

01:12:39.430 --> 01:12:41.069
you're going to do your pelvic floor contraction

01:12:41.069 --> 01:12:44.949
and squeeze. And if you get really good at it,

01:12:45.010 --> 01:12:47.390
you'll be able to do one side, the other side,

01:12:47.510 --> 01:12:50.189
and then divide it into quadrants. And what happens

01:12:50.189 --> 01:12:52.649
when your pelvic floor gets both flexible and

01:12:52.649 --> 01:12:56.489
strong is that you're able to brace better when

01:12:56.489 --> 01:13:00.489
you lift. Yeah, and that makes perfect sense

01:13:00.489 --> 01:13:02.630
because have you heard of Eric Goodman and foundation

01:13:02.630 --> 01:13:05.989
training? Yes, of course. Yeah, so all these

01:13:05.989 --> 01:13:08.010
circles, I've mentioned this before, but these

01:13:08.010 --> 01:13:10.750
circles where they intersect, it doesn't matter

01:13:10.750 --> 01:13:12.170
what the discipline is, whether it's breath work

01:13:12.170 --> 01:13:15.510
or lifting or foundation training, but you see

01:13:15.510 --> 01:13:18.109
this commonality. And again, the way he talks

01:13:18.109 --> 01:13:21.989
about the pelvis and the muscle imbalances is

01:13:21.989 --> 01:13:24.090
exactly the same kind of area that you're talking

01:13:24.090 --> 01:13:27.239
about now. And just bringing it down, like for

01:13:27.239 --> 01:13:32.020
me, Katie Bowman, Leslie Howard and Jill Miller

01:13:32.020 --> 01:13:35.000
were three people that I absolutely love when

01:13:35.000 --> 01:13:37.359
it comes to pelvic floor. Issa Herrera as well.

01:13:37.520 --> 01:13:39.479
So there's a lot of people doing great stuff.

01:13:39.539 --> 01:13:41.800
Katie Bowman actually has a good podcast as well.

01:13:41.880 --> 01:13:44.260
But I listen to them. I'm like, oh, my goodness.

01:13:44.420 --> 01:13:46.239
They're absolutely right. This is such a big

01:13:46.239 --> 01:13:47.920
part of your body that we need to pay attention

01:13:47.920 --> 01:13:52.439
to. So there's some. fantastic people doing great

01:13:52.439 --> 01:13:54.539
things out there. But sometimes it's just about

01:13:54.539 --> 01:13:57.439
the cue of like, how are you explaining this

01:13:57.439 --> 01:14:00.819
to me that now it makes sense and now I care.

01:14:01.159 --> 01:14:04.979
So for me, and it wasn't my cue, I don't know

01:14:04.979 --> 01:14:07.260
where I should know and be able to reference

01:14:07.260 --> 01:14:09.239
the person who said this, but bicycle seat to

01:14:09.239 --> 01:14:12.140
me was so great because we all know what it feels

01:14:12.140 --> 01:14:14.779
like to sit on a bicycle seat and that your pelvic

01:14:14.779 --> 01:14:17.479
floor is. the part of the body that sits on the

01:14:17.479 --> 01:14:20.199
bicycle seat, and then a couple inches more to

01:14:20.199 --> 01:14:23.079
either side, like, yeah, that is a big part of

01:14:23.079 --> 01:14:26.199
my body. And then back pain, like who doesn't

01:14:26.199 --> 01:14:28.880
have lower back pain? It's so hard to find someone

01:14:28.880 --> 01:14:31.880
that actually isn't suffering from lower back

01:14:31.880 --> 01:14:34.720
pain nowadays. But if you think about the fact

01:14:34.720 --> 01:14:38.100
that it is attached and intimately involved with

01:14:38.100 --> 01:14:40.600
your pelvic floor, how healthy is your pelvic

01:14:40.600 --> 01:14:43.680
floor? Maybe it's not your spine. Maybe it is

01:14:43.680 --> 01:14:46.060
your pelvic floor that needs help. And when you

01:14:46.060 --> 01:14:47.939
said about cyclists, what about cyclists, people

01:14:47.939 --> 01:14:52.039
that spend hours sitting on that group of muscles

01:14:52.039 --> 01:14:55.560
in a very sharp seat? I'm more concerned about

01:14:55.560 --> 01:14:59.060
people sitting on chairs or in their cars. So

01:14:59.060 --> 01:15:01.739
cyclists get off their bicycle, which brings

01:15:01.739 --> 01:15:04.220
us, you know, full circle to the idea that you

01:15:04.220 --> 01:15:07.079
need to brace and you need to expand. So you

01:15:07.079 --> 01:15:11.510
need to be able to, you know. Have a standing

01:15:11.510 --> 01:15:13.649
desk where you continue to move. You don't just

01:15:13.649 --> 01:15:16.270
go to standing and bracing. You need to be able

01:15:16.270 --> 01:15:19.890
to be moving and change your body for the circumstance.

01:15:20.270 --> 01:15:23.029
Most of us just stay in the same posture, the

01:15:23.029 --> 01:15:26.609
same rigidity because we're lazy. But cyclists

01:15:26.609 --> 01:15:28.430
get off their bicycle and then they don't have

01:15:28.430 --> 01:15:31.109
that pressure on their pelvic floors. Those of

01:15:31.109 --> 01:15:34.569
us that sit for a living or we sit just because

01:15:34.569 --> 01:15:37.329
that's what our life is like. We go from one

01:15:37.329 --> 01:15:41.409
chair to a couch. to a subway, to a car or whatever,

01:15:41.590 --> 01:15:44.569
is like, I'm worried about us because we're spending

01:15:44.569 --> 01:15:48.250
time in this semi -crouched seated position when

01:15:48.250 --> 01:15:50.789
we should be moving a lot more, getting a lot

01:15:50.789 --> 01:15:54.289
more blood flow and toxins out of our bodies

01:15:54.289 --> 01:15:57.270
and being in different movement patterns and

01:15:57.270 --> 01:15:59.609
positions. So I'm more worried about your average

01:15:59.609 --> 01:16:02.229
seated person than I am about cyclists. Right.

01:16:02.270 --> 01:16:05.550
And do you see that's a root of the poor breathing

01:16:05.550 --> 01:16:07.649
practices that we see in most people these days?

01:16:08.119 --> 01:16:10.140
Oh, absolutely. I mean, your average American

01:16:10.140 --> 01:16:13.819
sits 13 to 16 hours a day. And I remember hearing

01:16:13.819 --> 01:16:15.819
that number and saying, oh, that's not me, though.

01:16:15.960 --> 01:16:18.479
And then I looked at my day and well, here I

01:16:18.479 --> 01:16:21.319
am seated talking to you. And then I'll probably

01:16:21.319 --> 01:16:25.199
go sit and work on my computer. And then I might

01:16:25.199 --> 01:16:27.039
do another call and I'll be seated and I have

01:16:27.039 --> 01:16:31.060
to remind myself to get up and stretch, you know,

01:16:31.060 --> 01:16:34.079
go to the gym, do all these other things. So,

01:16:34.079 --> 01:16:37.020
yes, being seated. absolutely hurts your breathing.

01:16:37.159 --> 01:16:38.939
And part of the reason it hurts your breathing

01:16:38.939 --> 01:16:41.640
is because of your hip posture. So if you look

01:16:41.640 --> 01:16:44.079
at yourself seated, most of us have our hips

01:16:44.079 --> 01:16:47.460
tipped underneath us and you're not moving your

01:16:47.460 --> 01:16:50.300
pelvic floor as you breathe. And the way you

01:16:50.300 --> 01:16:52.939
should be breathing is with a tiny little movement.

01:16:52.960 --> 01:16:55.819
And it could be just an internal movement where

01:16:55.819 --> 01:16:58.840
your psoas gets involved on the inhale and on

01:16:58.840 --> 01:17:01.409
the exhale. If you're seated, you're going to

01:17:01.409 --> 01:17:04.430
be stuck with your hips stuck under you for hours

01:17:04.430 --> 01:17:06.710
and hours and hours. And that definitely affects

01:17:06.710 --> 01:17:09.250
your breath. Right. So then if you wouldn't mind

01:17:09.250 --> 01:17:11.210
kind of expanding on breath then. So firstly,

01:17:11.310 --> 01:17:16.090
horizontal versus vertical. Great. So I focus

01:17:16.090 --> 01:17:19.289
on and there's amazing people out there that

01:17:19.289 --> 01:17:21.770
teach all different types of breathing. I'm big

01:17:21.770 --> 01:17:25.930
into us considering each other colleagues in

01:17:25.930 --> 01:17:27.869
a team. So whenever I have people say, well.

01:17:28.359 --> 01:17:32.739
Who else should I go read? I have a list, a huge

01:17:32.739 --> 01:17:35.619
list of folks. I love their books. I think you

01:17:35.619 --> 01:17:38.460
should take every workshop that's out there and

01:17:38.460 --> 01:17:40.859
learn as much as you can from as many different

01:17:40.859 --> 01:17:44.359
breathing people as possible. I focus on the

01:17:44.359 --> 01:17:48.680
psychology and the dynamics, the biomechanics

01:17:48.680 --> 01:17:52.560
of the breathing. So are you breathing in a way

01:17:52.560 --> 01:17:57.050
that's biomechanically sound? Once you have that

01:17:57.050 --> 01:18:00.710
down, are your breathing muscles strong? And

01:18:00.710 --> 01:18:02.550
to be able to get to that point, you have to

01:18:02.550 --> 01:18:05.529
understand, because human beings are weird animals,

01:18:05.649 --> 01:18:08.449
is that we have to understand what a better breath

01:18:08.449 --> 01:18:10.890
is and how our breathing got this way so that

01:18:10.890 --> 01:18:14.069
we can get connected to then making change of

01:18:14.069 --> 01:18:18.130
that bad habit. So I combine psychology. mechanics

01:18:18.130 --> 01:18:21.630
and neurology to be able to fix someone's breathing

01:18:21.630 --> 01:18:23.329
and get their breathing to be better i know that's

01:18:23.329 --> 01:18:25.430
a mouthful but that's the shortest version i

01:18:25.430 --> 01:18:29.090
have though so while we're talking about psychology

01:18:29.090 --> 01:18:33.489
um you you know you had a psychology background

01:18:33.489 --> 01:18:36.109
now you're doing breath work obviously the the

01:18:36.109 --> 01:18:39.689
big uh areas that we're seeing as far as challenges

01:18:39.689 --> 01:18:42.369
to mental health in first responders are anxiety

01:18:42.369 --> 01:18:45.640
depression and then suicide sadly which is you

01:18:45.640 --> 01:18:47.520
know killing more of us than line of duty deaths

01:18:47.520 --> 01:18:50.979
what are what are some of the you know your your

01:18:50.979 --> 01:18:54.079
main key points as far as the connection between

01:18:54.079 --> 01:18:57.720
breath work and improving mental health oh my

01:18:57.720 --> 01:19:01.439
goodness i mean that is that is who i am and

01:19:01.439 --> 01:19:02.840
that's one of the reasons i'm here is that i

01:19:02.840 --> 01:19:07.020
come from a place of psychology so all my patients

01:19:07.020 --> 01:19:10.260
when i was just doing therapy had uh anxiety

01:19:10.260 --> 01:19:14.159
is um the most common mental health problem that

01:19:14.159 --> 01:19:17.359
there is that usually goes along with depression

01:19:17.359 --> 01:19:20.659
or with addiction, if not all three of them.

01:19:20.859 --> 01:19:24.720
And now I get to actually give people practical

01:19:24.720 --> 01:19:28.479
information on how to change their neurology

01:19:28.479 --> 01:19:31.579
to be able to support a system that's not anxious

01:19:31.579 --> 01:19:34.659
and not depressed. Now, does that mean that you

01:19:34.659 --> 01:19:37.590
shouldn't take medication? Absolutely not. If

01:19:37.590 --> 01:19:39.689
you need medication, you should definitely take

01:19:39.689 --> 01:19:41.710
it. And if it's going to give you a jumpstart

01:19:41.710 --> 01:19:44.170
to start feeling better, you definitely should

01:19:44.170 --> 01:19:47.609
take it. But there's no way that we can start

01:19:47.609 --> 01:19:50.289
talking about depression and anxiety and healing

01:19:50.289 --> 01:19:53.289
from it if we don't look at our nervous system

01:19:53.289 --> 01:19:57.289
and start asking, what am I telling my body to

01:19:57.289 --> 01:20:00.409
do with my breathing? Because your breathing

01:20:00.409 --> 01:20:04.430
is the mechanism that tells your arousal how

01:20:04.430 --> 01:20:08.279
it should be. It's not necessarily lavender candles

01:20:08.279 --> 01:20:11.380
or your self -talk or anything like that. It's

01:20:11.380 --> 01:20:14.300
really, how are you breathing? And I'm sorry,

01:20:14.399 --> 01:20:19.039
I've got my, you can hear the chimes going off

01:20:19.039 --> 01:20:22.640
in the background. Oh, no, you're fine. I can

01:20:22.640 --> 01:20:26.840
barely hear it. Okay. So your breathing is your

01:20:26.840 --> 01:20:31.079
system, your arousal system. So if as a first

01:20:31.079 --> 01:20:34.060
responder, you want to be very alert, but not

01:20:34.060 --> 01:20:37.539
fall prey to an adrenaline dump, you're going

01:20:37.539 --> 01:20:41.300
to watch your breathing. If you're staking out

01:20:41.300 --> 01:20:44.380
and if you're watching a building for a few hours,

01:20:44.659 --> 01:20:48.260
you have to be alert, but not too alert for it

01:20:48.260 --> 01:20:51.300
to be taxing on your energy. But you also don't

01:20:51.300 --> 01:20:54.260
want to be so calm that you respond more slowly.

01:20:54.880 --> 01:20:57.520
And then do you want to be just zenned out and

01:20:57.520 --> 01:20:59.500
calm or do you want to be completely asleep?

01:20:59.859 --> 01:21:03.939
So there's a range of arousal and your breathing

01:21:03.939 --> 01:21:06.640
can put you in each place that you want to be.

01:21:06.899 --> 01:21:09.720
With anxiety, what tends to happen is that we

01:21:09.720 --> 01:21:12.539
fall, you know, something happens so that it

01:21:12.539 --> 01:21:16.750
makes us anxious, whether it be trauma. or a

01:21:16.750 --> 01:21:20.350
situation or our own chemistry our breathing

01:21:20.350 --> 01:21:22.770
follows along and now you're trapped because

01:21:22.770 --> 01:21:25.350
you're breathing in a way that makes you anxious

01:21:25.350 --> 01:21:29.289
so it's very very hard to get out yeah and i

01:21:29.289 --> 01:21:32.270
had a um brian mckenzie on the show and we talked

01:21:32.270 --> 01:21:35.850
about this the other day but just the the simple

01:21:35.850 --> 01:21:37.829
act of nose breathing i know you know we're going

01:21:37.829 --> 01:21:40.130
to talk a lot about like the foundation of the

01:21:40.130 --> 01:21:44.050
breath but just focusing on that When I've been

01:21:44.050 --> 01:21:46.310
applying that to some of the workouts that I've

01:21:46.310 --> 01:21:50.050
done, just getting to that red zone that, all

01:21:50.050 --> 01:21:52.850
right, I've hit my wall. I have to stop, put

01:21:52.850 --> 01:21:55.970
the barbell down, whatever it is. It made so

01:21:55.970 --> 01:21:58.390
much sense. And firstly, I like to self -experiment.

01:21:58.470 --> 01:22:00.729
It worked incredibly well. And this is purely

01:22:00.729 --> 01:22:02.949
just like I said, focusing on the nose breathing,

01:22:02.949 --> 01:22:05.449
not even the areas that we're about to talk about

01:22:05.449 --> 01:22:09.340
so much. But when you're calm. You know, your

01:22:09.340 --> 01:22:11.180
mouth is closed if you've got good posture and

01:22:11.180 --> 01:22:12.819
you're breathing through your nose. And when

01:22:12.819 --> 01:22:14.960
you're panicking, your mouth is open and you

01:22:14.960 --> 01:22:18.000
start breathing faster and faster. So, you know,

01:22:18.000 --> 01:22:21.100
people can can look too far deep or even poo

01:22:21.100 --> 01:22:23.039
poo it. But just look at someone who's panicking.

01:22:23.079 --> 01:22:25.239
Look at someone who's calm and look at their

01:22:25.239 --> 01:22:28.260
posture and their breath. And it's right there

01:22:28.260 --> 01:22:30.119
in front of us. So we don't need to do, you know,

01:22:30.140 --> 01:22:32.680
a thousand clinical studies. To me, what you

01:22:32.680 --> 01:22:35.319
teach, what Brian talks about and other people

01:22:35.319 --> 01:22:39.819
in these arenas. It just makes sense to me. Yeah.

01:22:39.939 --> 01:22:43.479
And I mean, I'm so grateful for Brian and Rob

01:22:43.479 --> 01:22:46.739
and Jason to bring this topic up all the time,

01:22:46.779 --> 01:22:49.659
which is fantastic, which is the importance of

01:22:49.659 --> 01:22:51.779
nasal breathing. And when people ask me about

01:22:51.779 --> 01:22:55.119
more about nasal breathing or about CO2, I definitely

01:22:55.119 --> 01:22:57.439
refer them to them because they are the absolute

01:22:57.439 --> 01:23:00.140
experts when it comes to nose breathing. And

01:23:00.140 --> 01:23:02.760
they're super adamant about it. And, you know,

01:23:02.800 --> 01:23:05.279
I love those guys. They're there. They do great,

01:23:05.359 --> 01:23:11.310
great work. Yeah, so that being said, understanding

01:23:11.310 --> 01:23:14.829
that our breath can either cause anxiety, depression,

01:23:15.109 --> 01:23:18.949
or go the other way, what's the root of that?

01:23:19.050 --> 01:23:22.130
And then what are the things that you start coaching

01:23:22.130 --> 01:23:25.619
people as far as breathing the correct way? Sure.

01:23:25.760 --> 01:23:29.760
So the root of why your breath is attached to

01:23:29.760 --> 01:23:32.479
your nervous system is that your vagus nerve,

01:23:32.579 --> 01:23:35.939
and vagus nerve is this big sort of octopus -like

01:23:35.939 --> 01:23:37.979
nerve that starts at the top of your head and

01:23:37.979 --> 01:23:40.640
goes throughout your whole body. So when you're

01:23:40.640 --> 01:23:43.180
breathing apically, which is a vertical breath,

01:23:43.399 --> 01:23:45.920
your vagus nerve with all the long tendrils it

01:23:45.920 --> 01:23:48.420
has says, oh, look, James is breathing with his

01:23:48.420 --> 01:23:52.000
shoulders or his upper chest. We need to keep

01:23:52.000 --> 01:23:54.460
him vigilant because obviously something's going

01:23:54.460 --> 01:23:57.119
on in the environment. So your heart rate probably

01:23:57.119 --> 01:23:59.479
goes up. Your blood pressure might go up. Your

01:23:59.479 --> 01:24:01.680
cortisol definitely goes up. And your immune

01:24:01.680 --> 01:24:04.060
system might go down depending on how long you're

01:24:04.060 --> 01:24:08.119
in that state. So if you start breathing in what's

01:24:08.119 --> 01:24:12.439
called an abdominothoracic breath, which is a

01:24:12.439 --> 01:24:14.859
diaphragmatic breath, it's a lower body breath,

01:24:15.039 --> 01:24:17.979
then your vagus nerve bypasses your shoulders

01:24:17.979 --> 01:24:20.970
and goes down to around your belly. Oh, James

01:24:20.970 --> 01:24:23.670
is breathing with a lower body breath using his

01:24:23.670 --> 01:24:27.050
diaphragm. So it must be calm in his surroundings.

01:24:27.069 --> 01:24:29.890
Now, granted, you might be at a fire. You might

01:24:29.890 --> 01:24:33.149
be helping someone who's injured. So the surroundings

01:24:33.149 --> 01:24:36.069
are not that great. There shouldn't be surroundings

01:24:36.069 --> 01:24:40.050
where you're calm, but you stay calm. And that's

01:24:40.050 --> 01:24:43.810
the ticket for people that can be in. situations

01:24:43.810 --> 01:24:45.930
where you think they should be freaking out,

01:24:45.970 --> 01:24:48.810
but they're not, look at their breathing. They're

01:24:48.810 --> 01:24:50.750
breathing with their diaphragm in a lower body

01:24:50.750 --> 01:24:52.630
breath. They're keeping their heart rate low

01:24:52.630 --> 01:24:56.470
by breathing low. And with a lot of pros, this

01:24:56.470 --> 01:24:59.739
comes naturally. But with the rest of us, you

01:24:59.739 --> 01:25:02.579
know, normal humans, we have to practice it and

01:25:02.579 --> 01:25:05.000
we have to take ourselves out of that upper breath,

01:25:05.140 --> 01:25:07.720
put ourselves in that lower diaphragmatic breath

01:25:07.720 --> 01:25:10.300
and our nervous system will follow and we'll

01:25:10.300 --> 01:25:12.840
be able to stay calm regardless of what's blowing

01:25:12.840 --> 01:25:14.939
up around us. Yeah, and that's something that

01:25:14.939 --> 01:25:17.119
we need because I always point this out, especially

01:25:17.119 --> 01:25:19.340
if we're in the environment where we're wearing

01:25:19.340 --> 01:25:22.300
a mask, we only have so much air. It's a finite

01:25:22.300 --> 01:25:25.680
amount on our back before we have to leave again.

01:25:27.920 --> 01:25:29.779
you know, there's an active shooter scene or

01:25:29.779 --> 01:25:33.380
we're in the middle of a raging fire, us getting

01:25:33.380 --> 01:25:38.079
excited about it and breathing harder isn't,

01:25:38.079 --> 01:25:39.960
you know, it's actually working against what

01:25:39.960 --> 01:25:41.300
we want to do because we want to keep our mind

01:25:41.300 --> 01:25:42.920
calm. We want to be efficient in our movement

01:25:42.920 --> 01:25:46.199
as well. But it's definitely a challenge to keep

01:25:46.199 --> 01:25:49.460
that breathing and that mental state lower even

01:25:49.460 --> 01:25:52.180
when, you know, the world's losing its mind around

01:25:52.180 --> 01:25:55.270
us. And it's the fact that one of the things

01:25:55.270 --> 01:25:57.829
I've done is that it has to be very practical.

01:25:57.930 --> 01:26:00.630
So if you tell someone, take a deep breath in,

01:26:00.750 --> 01:26:02.569
most of the time you're going to see a really

01:26:02.569 --> 01:26:05.510
shitty breath. Is that we're not taught what

01:26:05.510 --> 01:26:10.149
a good deep breath really is. So you add a mask

01:26:10.149 --> 01:26:13.529
to that. You add weight of all your gears to

01:26:13.529 --> 01:26:16.569
your shoulders. And your shoulders are what keeps

01:26:16.569 --> 01:26:18.949
you, you know, when you're a vertical breather,

01:26:18.949 --> 01:26:21.649
your shoulders is what is helping you breathe.

01:26:21.770 --> 01:26:24.789
So you add weight to that. And then add, you

01:26:24.789 --> 01:26:27.390
know, poor visibility and smoke and all kinds

01:26:27.390 --> 01:26:30.010
of other things. And, you know, you've got a

01:26:30.010 --> 01:26:32.970
really tough situation right there. But are you

01:26:32.970 --> 01:26:36.390
taught how to breathe in a calming way? And most

01:26:36.390 --> 01:26:39.369
of the time we defer to a box breath. So if you

01:26:39.369 --> 01:26:42.939
listen to. Lieutenant Grossman or Mark Devine,

01:26:42.939 --> 01:26:45.060
they talk about box breathing, which thankfully

01:26:45.060 --> 01:26:47.079
was the beginning of the conversation a few years

01:26:47.079 --> 01:26:51.640
ago and fantastic at that. But how are you breathing?

01:26:51.739 --> 01:26:54.340
So when you're counting to four, holding it for

01:26:54.340 --> 01:26:57.539
exhaling it for holding it for, are you breathing

01:26:57.539 --> 01:26:59.380
vertically? Are you breathing with that breath

01:26:59.380 --> 01:27:02.680
that actually supports you being more anxious?

01:27:03.340 --> 01:27:05.840
Or are you forcing yourself to breathe with your

01:27:05.840 --> 01:27:08.439
diaphragm with a lower body breath? And it takes

01:27:08.439 --> 01:27:11.319
practice. It's really strange how you think about

01:27:11.319 --> 01:27:13.439
breathing. And it should happen naturally. But

01:27:13.439 --> 01:27:16.319
guess what? It doesn't. It's something that we

01:27:16.319 --> 01:27:19.960
have to think about. And because we're so braced

01:27:19.960 --> 01:27:23.500
and we've locked up our diaphragms so tightly.

01:27:24.170 --> 01:27:27.329
You have to, it's called dismantling your diaphragm.

01:27:27.329 --> 01:27:29.689
Donna Farhi talks about this, is you have to

01:27:29.689 --> 01:27:32.569
dismantle bad breathing patterns and get those

01:27:32.569 --> 01:27:34.949
muscles moving again. Because as of right now,

01:27:35.029 --> 01:27:37.289
we're not using our primary breathing muscle,

01:27:37.329 --> 01:27:39.569
the diaphragm. We're using auxiliary muscles,

01:27:39.850 --> 01:27:42.630
top of the chest and neck and shoulders. And

01:27:42.630 --> 01:27:46.050
the fallout from that, both in mental health

01:27:46.050 --> 01:27:48.840
and physical health, is tremendous. yeah and

01:27:48.840 --> 01:27:51.699
it sounds when you listen to all the people that

01:27:51.699 --> 01:27:53.500
be on the show like god it's so complicated what

01:27:53.500 --> 01:27:55.159
am i supposed to do i got foundation i got strong

01:27:55.159 --> 01:27:57.359
fit i've got you know this breathing technique

01:27:57.359 --> 01:28:01.859
but the problem is the the human you know body

01:28:01.859 --> 01:28:04.260
is an amazing thing but sadly we've spent decades

01:28:04.260 --> 01:28:07.119
screwing it up by sitting by being an air conditioning

01:28:07.119 --> 01:28:11.060
by eating shitty food so the reality is if you

01:28:11.060 --> 01:28:13.380
don't want to be you know confined to a wheelchair

01:28:13.380 --> 01:28:16.460
put on meds that we do have to put the work in

01:28:16.460 --> 01:28:19.000
because we've enjoyed, you know, years and years

01:28:19.000 --> 01:28:21.800
of not moving around when the human body is meant

01:28:21.800 --> 01:28:24.479
to be, you know, roaming the land and hunting

01:28:24.479 --> 01:28:28.560
and working in the fields and moving. And so

01:28:28.560 --> 01:28:32.899
it seems a little complicated, but it's an easy

01:28:32.899 --> 01:28:34.739
fix. I think the body wants to go back there.

01:28:34.779 --> 01:28:37.060
It just takes some effort on our part to restore

01:28:37.060 --> 01:28:39.840
the body's homeostasis when it comes to the muscle

01:28:39.840 --> 01:28:43.250
balance and the breathing patterns. But you have

01:28:43.250 --> 01:28:44.810
to put in the work, but also you have to understand

01:28:44.810 --> 01:28:47.470
why. And it's not our fault because people haven't

01:28:47.470 --> 01:28:50.890
really explained things well. So usually when

01:28:50.890 --> 01:28:53.069
I explain it, and again, this is where the child

01:28:53.069 --> 01:28:55.430
psych degree helps, is that I explain it in a

01:28:55.430 --> 01:28:58.170
way that actually makes sense. And then folks

01:28:58.170 --> 01:29:00.550
actually can't stop thinking about their breathing

01:29:00.550 --> 01:29:03.149
and about their breathing muscles. So it's not

01:29:03.149 --> 01:29:05.289
our fault because at some point a doctor came

01:29:05.289 --> 01:29:07.909
over and put the stethoscope at the top of your

01:29:07.909 --> 01:29:11.279
chest and told you to take a breath, right? And

01:29:11.279 --> 01:29:13.720
you started thinking, well, my lungs must be

01:29:13.720 --> 01:29:15.279
up there. Then you looked at pictures of your

01:29:15.279 --> 01:29:18.020
superheroes and they're all in this puffed up

01:29:18.020 --> 01:29:20.380
chest position. And then you looked at your parents,

01:29:20.560 --> 01:29:23.560
you know, and then you started, you know, wearing

01:29:23.560 --> 01:29:26.939
pants with belts on them and sucking in your

01:29:26.939 --> 01:29:29.039
little gut. So it's not, you know, it's not your

01:29:29.039 --> 01:29:32.779
fault at all. because it's explained so badly.

01:29:32.920 --> 01:29:34.420
And at the end of the day, people don't know

01:29:34.420 --> 01:29:36.119
what the diaphragm looks like. You look at a

01:29:36.119 --> 01:29:38.539
picture of the diaphragm, what is that crazy

01:29:38.539 --> 01:29:41.760
looking squid thing and how does it work? And

01:29:41.760 --> 01:29:43.600
then they tell you it works like a plunger and

01:29:43.600 --> 01:29:46.100
nothing could be further from the truth. It has

01:29:46.100 --> 01:29:49.020
nothing to do with a plunger. So we have to just

01:29:49.020 --> 01:29:51.720
back up and say, okay, where are the biggest

01:29:51.720 --> 01:29:54.420
part of the lungs? and you can do this now, and

01:29:54.420 --> 01:29:55.960
if you're driving, you can do it with one hand,

01:29:56.140 --> 01:29:58.600
is that the biggest part of your lungs are down

01:29:58.600 --> 01:30:02.279
at the bottom of your ribs. So if you're breathing

01:30:02.279 --> 01:30:05.760
up and down, like up with your shoulders, are

01:30:05.760 --> 01:30:08.720
you getting to the densest, most oxygen -rich

01:30:08.720 --> 01:30:12.680
part of your lungs? No, right? So there you go,

01:30:12.739 --> 01:30:14.720
huh. That's kind of interesting. I never thought

01:30:14.720 --> 01:30:16.960
about it that way. If you put your fingers up

01:30:16.960 --> 01:30:18.960
by your collarbones and just stick your fingers

01:30:18.960 --> 01:30:21.800
up by your collarbones, that's the lungs that

01:30:21.800 --> 01:30:24.300
you're breathing with if you breathe vertically

01:30:24.300 --> 01:30:26.359
with your shoulders, which is how most of us

01:30:26.359 --> 01:30:29.739
breathe. Now, the lung tissue up there, it's

01:30:29.739 --> 01:30:33.760
actually the smallest, less dense up there. So

01:30:33.760 --> 01:30:36.560
what happens is that you actually have to take

01:30:36.560 --> 01:30:40.659
more breaths and faster to get the oxygen that

01:30:40.659 --> 01:30:44.199
you need. So now you're stuck. You're a little

01:30:44.199 --> 01:30:47.899
bit anxious and you're breathing faster and shallower

01:30:47.899 --> 01:30:52.699
and you're stuck in this circle of being anxious

01:30:52.699 --> 01:30:55.039
and you don't have a way out because the way

01:30:55.039 --> 01:30:56.920
you're breathing is telling your body to stay

01:30:56.920 --> 01:30:59.439
anxious. Yeah, and I've seen that in the gym.

01:30:59.500 --> 01:31:00.899
I've talked about this with a couple other guests

01:31:00.899 --> 01:31:04.739
as well. People that have done a CrossFit workout,

01:31:04.859 --> 01:31:07.180
actually my wife is one of them, and then that...

01:31:07.340 --> 01:31:09.859
ends up putting them into an anxiety attack.

01:31:10.020 --> 01:31:11.520
And it's probably just from what you're saying,

01:31:11.600 --> 01:31:14.399
that upper body, that vertical breathing, and

01:31:14.399 --> 01:31:16.079
then probably a mouth open the whole time as

01:31:16.079 --> 01:31:19.380
well. And it's the muscular core set. So what

01:31:19.380 --> 01:31:21.119
I look at, again, this is where the psych comes

01:31:21.119 --> 01:31:23.779
in, is that why are you breathing that way? So

01:31:23.779 --> 01:31:25.699
if it doesn't make sense, why are you doing it?

01:31:25.779 --> 01:31:29.800
So most people are bracing, guarding, or sucking

01:31:29.800 --> 01:31:34.590
it in. So with... our gym community, most of

01:31:34.590 --> 01:31:37.729
us are either sucking it in or bracing because

01:31:37.729 --> 01:31:41.989
we think this makes us stronger. Or there's an

01:31:41.989 --> 01:31:45.510
abdominal core set. So you actually can't take

01:31:45.510 --> 01:31:48.510
a deep breath in because your muscles are holding

01:31:48.510 --> 01:31:50.890
you together. So you have to look at the person

01:31:50.890 --> 01:31:54.130
and go, what's stopping me from on the inhale,

01:31:54.310 --> 01:31:57.789
expanding my middle and on the exhale, narrowing

01:31:57.789 --> 01:32:00.260
it. Because that would actually give you a much

01:32:00.260 --> 01:32:03.100
stronger core. If you're braced all the time,

01:32:03.220 --> 01:32:06.560
you're not as strong as you could be. And you're

01:32:06.560 --> 01:32:08.960
making for pelvic floor and hip and lower back

01:32:08.960 --> 01:32:12.020
dysfunction. So once you start moving that part

01:32:12.020 --> 01:32:16.100
of your body, inhaling, getting a better circumferential

01:32:16.100 --> 01:32:18.300
breath where you don't move your shoulders and

01:32:18.300 --> 01:32:20.960
your whole middle expands, then your whole middle

01:32:20.960 --> 01:32:23.859
narrows and really squeezes. Well, there you

01:32:23.859 --> 01:32:27.319
have better back health, better digestion. Your

01:32:27.319 --> 01:32:29.760
hips and your pelvic floor are involved. Your

01:32:29.760 --> 01:32:33.960
psoas is involved as well. So that's the way

01:32:33.960 --> 01:32:37.939
the mechanism was designed to work. So what does

01:32:37.939 --> 01:32:40.640
a breathing class look like then? You have the

01:32:40.640 --> 01:32:42.760
breathing classes that you put on. If someone's

01:32:42.760 --> 01:32:44.500
going in and they're a vertical breather and

01:32:44.500 --> 01:32:47.680
let's say they have some anxiety issues as well,

01:32:47.880 --> 01:32:51.260
just what would that look like as an overview?

01:32:52.210 --> 01:32:54.409
So I start because, you know, I come from a gym

01:32:54.409 --> 01:32:56.409
background. I like numbers. I come from a science

01:32:56.409 --> 01:32:58.630
background. I like numbers as well. So I keep

01:32:58.630 --> 01:33:00.350
things really practical because it's the way

01:33:00.350 --> 01:33:03.229
I would like them. I also want a class that's

01:33:03.229 --> 01:33:05.489
as fast as possible so that I can get out and,

01:33:05.489 --> 01:33:08.130
you know, get my laundry done and probably get

01:33:08.130 --> 01:33:11.029
a snack or something. So I pretty much mash in

01:33:11.029 --> 01:33:14.289
as much information as I can. The first thing

01:33:14.289 --> 01:33:18.720
we look at is your breathing IQ. So I want to

01:33:18.720 --> 01:33:21.140
grade. I don't know how you are, but with a lot

01:33:21.140 --> 01:33:25.300
of us that want to do better, we want numbers.

01:33:25.380 --> 01:33:28.319
We want to know how many plates, what our time

01:33:28.319 --> 01:33:31.000
is. We want numbers to know how we're doing.

01:33:31.119 --> 01:33:36.260
So I devised this measure, which is of abdominothoracic

01:33:36.260 --> 01:33:39.319
respiratory flexibility. And all that means is...

01:33:39.609 --> 01:33:42.569
On the inhale, is your body moving and expanding?

01:33:42.630 --> 01:33:45.729
And on the exhale, is it moving and narrowing

01:33:45.729 --> 01:33:48.750
without the use of your shoulders? So that's

01:33:48.750 --> 01:33:51.869
what the breathing IQ is, is that you actually

01:33:51.869 --> 01:33:54.970
take a measuring tape, you put it around your

01:33:54.970 --> 01:33:57.569
middle, and without moving your shoulders, you

01:33:57.569 --> 01:34:01.369
see what your inhale is and you see how narrow

01:34:01.369 --> 01:34:04.369
you can exhale. And again, without using your

01:34:04.369 --> 01:34:06.989
shoulders. And that number gives you a sense

01:34:06.989 --> 01:34:10.130
of how much you're actually using your diaphragm

01:34:10.130 --> 01:34:13.689
to breathe because it looks at excursion. So

01:34:13.689 --> 01:34:17.930
on the inside, your diaphragm lowers, it flattens,

01:34:17.930 --> 01:34:21.050
and it tries to push your ribs open. So we measure

01:34:21.050 --> 01:34:24.210
from the outside. How much are you... using your

01:34:24.210 --> 01:34:26.789
diaphragm to push your ribs open. And then you

01:34:26.789 --> 01:34:30.010
exhale, and your exhale is governed by your core

01:34:30.010 --> 01:34:33.229
muscles, your abs, your obliques, and your intercostals.

01:34:33.289 --> 01:34:35.850
So then we look at that number. How much is your

01:34:35.850 --> 01:34:39.810
body narrowing on the exhale? And you get a grade

01:34:39.810 --> 01:34:42.810
using exactly that. And then you just try to

01:34:42.810 --> 01:34:45.869
get that grade to be better. So the class itself,

01:34:45.989 --> 01:34:49.529
we do exercises where you stretch those muscles,

01:34:49.649 --> 01:34:52.409
you try to get your diaphragm more involved and

01:34:52.409 --> 01:34:55.300
unlocked. And then this is the part I really

01:34:55.300 --> 01:34:57.579
like is once you have the mechanics to be perfect

01:34:57.579 --> 01:34:59.180
is that you strengthen the breathing muscles.

01:34:59.380 --> 01:35:01.979
And that's where, you know, I get giddy about

01:35:01.979 --> 01:35:03.939
this information and it makes me really happy

01:35:03.939 --> 01:35:07.319
to teach because all the sports science literature

01:35:07.319 --> 01:35:10.000
on breathing muscles show that when you have

01:35:10.000 --> 01:35:12.380
stronger breathing muscles, both the inhale muscles

01:35:12.380 --> 01:35:14.579
and the exhale muscles, your performance is going

01:35:14.579 --> 01:35:17.060
to be better, period. And that's not something

01:35:17.060 --> 01:35:20.659
I came up with. That's there's researchers. Allison

01:35:20.659 --> 01:35:23.460
McConnell is. one of the top researchers when

01:35:23.460 --> 01:35:26.319
it comes to breathing muscle strength. She's

01:35:26.319 --> 01:35:29.119
out of the UK. But if you train your breathing

01:35:29.119 --> 01:35:31.140
muscles, the right ones, not the wrong ones,

01:35:31.279 --> 01:35:33.520
your performance is going to get better, whether

01:35:33.520 --> 01:35:36.399
that's strength, precision, endurance, or even

01:35:36.399 --> 01:35:40.479
in your active recovery. All right. You mentioned

01:35:40.479 --> 01:35:44.220
talking to Bas Rutten in one of the other interviews

01:35:44.220 --> 01:35:46.060
I've had. I know he has the O2 trainer. Have

01:35:46.060 --> 01:35:48.689
you done work with him as well? Oh, I love him.

01:35:48.729 --> 01:35:51.250
That guy is fantastic. And, you know, everything

01:35:51.250 --> 01:35:54.250
you see him on TV is you meet him in person and

01:35:54.250 --> 01:35:58.090
he's exactly the same. He's just amazing, full

01:35:58.090 --> 01:36:02.289
of life and optimistic and hilarious. So I do

01:36:02.289 --> 01:36:04.689
like the O2 trainer and I like the O2 trainer.

01:36:04.770 --> 01:36:07.670
And again, I'm very skeptical with products because

01:36:07.670 --> 01:36:10.789
Boss actually understands that the inhale should

01:36:10.789 --> 01:36:14.819
be a circumferential lower body breath. So he

01:36:14.819 --> 01:36:17.859
gets that, and he does that himself. I've actually

01:36:17.859 --> 01:36:21.420
done all my breathing tests on him, and damn,

01:36:21.479 --> 01:36:25.119
was that fun. But he is an amazing, amazing breather.

01:36:25.119 --> 01:36:29.460
So having someone who understands the importance

01:36:29.460 --> 01:36:31.340
of breathing muscles and strengthening breathing

01:36:31.340 --> 01:36:33.260
muscles, and has such good breathing himself,

01:36:33.579 --> 01:36:37.920
made me take a look at the O2 Trainer. So once

01:36:37.920 --> 01:36:41.090
your breathing is mechanically sound, And you've

01:36:41.090 --> 01:36:44.149
done all the breathing muscle exercises and need

01:36:44.149 --> 01:36:47.789
more or harder exercises. Then I use the O2 trainer.

01:36:47.989 --> 01:36:50.069
Yeah. Very cool. Yeah, because I know one mistake

01:36:50.069 --> 01:36:52.449
a lot of companies are making was calling the

01:36:52.449 --> 01:36:55.149
altitude training with their masks, which, you

01:36:55.149 --> 01:36:57.630
know, was completely against the science. They

01:36:57.630 --> 01:36:59.750
were just restricting the airflow. That was it.

01:37:00.270 --> 01:37:02.569
Yeah. And I got to tell you, it's interesting

01:37:02.569 --> 01:37:08.600
because I was over at. Krav Maga worldwide in

01:37:08.600 --> 01:37:10.479
California the other day, which is a place I

01:37:10.479 --> 01:37:13.079
train out of. And there's a guy there and he

01:37:13.079 --> 01:37:15.619
came in, he asked me about a breathing muscle

01:37:15.619 --> 01:37:17.920
trainer. And I'm into anything that helps you

01:37:17.920 --> 01:37:20.399
pay attention to your breath I'm into. So whether

01:37:20.399 --> 01:37:22.579
it's, you know, whatever it is, whether you have

01:37:22.579 --> 01:37:25.859
a coffee stir or the training mask or whatever

01:37:25.859 --> 01:37:28.220
it is, it's making you look at your breathing.

01:37:28.260 --> 01:37:31.720
That's good to me. I'm all in. However, I looked

01:37:31.720 --> 01:37:34.479
at him and I was like. Dude, you're using your

01:37:34.479 --> 01:37:36.800
neck and shoulder muscles to breathe. And now

01:37:36.800 --> 01:37:40.159
you're adding an inspiratory muscle trainer to

01:37:40.159 --> 01:37:43.100
that. So now you're just really taxing your neck

01:37:43.100 --> 01:37:45.520
and shoulder muscles and freaking your whole

01:37:45.520 --> 01:37:49.000
body out. So please learn how to breathe with

01:37:49.000 --> 01:37:51.739
your diaphragm first. And if you can actually

01:37:51.739 --> 01:37:56.359
do all my exercises, then you can add a trainer

01:37:56.359 --> 01:38:00.470
to it. But right now you're using auxiliary muscles

01:38:00.470 --> 01:38:02.430
and now you're putting a trainer on top of it.

01:38:02.489 --> 01:38:04.510
Your neck and shoulders are really going to hurt

01:38:04.510 --> 01:38:06.050
and your diaphragm is going to continue to be

01:38:06.050 --> 01:38:08.710
locked up. Yeah, that's so pertinent as well

01:38:08.710 --> 01:38:10.810
because we see that in the gym. You know, people

01:38:10.810 --> 01:38:14.029
that walk in and they get horrible form and they

01:38:14.029 --> 01:38:16.170
throw in weights on the deadlifts and then you

01:38:16.170 --> 01:38:17.470
don't see them for six months because they blew

01:38:17.470 --> 01:38:19.449
their back out instead of learning how to hinge.

01:38:20.189 --> 01:38:22.529
properly and working on mobility with lightweight

01:38:22.529 --> 01:38:24.789
until they were actually to a point where they

01:38:24.789 --> 01:38:28.050
could add some significant resistance. Yeah,

01:38:28.090 --> 01:38:30.409
you're totally right. And, you know, breathing

01:38:30.409 --> 01:38:32.609
is the foundational movement for everything.

01:38:32.890 --> 01:38:37.010
So you need to be breathing in a way that's mechanically

01:38:37.010 --> 01:38:40.170
correct. And then you, and it's a movement, breathing

01:38:40.170 --> 01:38:42.609
is a movement. So how can you think about complex

01:38:42.609 --> 01:38:45.630
movement patterns if the very foundation of all

01:38:45.630 --> 01:38:49.989
your movements is incorrect? So I know that,

01:38:49.989 --> 01:38:53.029
you know, I love Instagram. I shouldn't be on

01:38:53.029 --> 01:38:54.789
there as much as I am, but I'll watch people,

01:38:54.810 --> 01:38:58.430
you know, doing beautiful movement patterns with

01:38:58.430 --> 01:39:01.130
whether it's tactical fitness. I have my favorites

01:39:01.130 --> 01:39:03.949
that I follow or kettlebells. And when you see

01:39:03.949 --> 01:39:06.949
someone who's incredibly graceful, whether that

01:39:06.949 --> 01:39:10.630
be jumping over things and pushing tires over

01:39:10.630 --> 01:39:12.829
or swinging a kettlebell and doing beautiful

01:39:12.829 --> 01:39:15.750
movements on a mat. When they're really good,

01:39:15.949 --> 01:39:18.069
they're integrating the breath into their movements

01:39:18.069 --> 01:39:21.010
in the right way. And often with the very, very

01:39:21.010 --> 01:39:23.590
elite, they don't know they're doing it. But

01:39:23.590 --> 01:39:26.649
again, us average folks, if we want to get better,

01:39:26.770 --> 01:39:29.390
we have to look at how am I breathing in this

01:39:29.390 --> 01:39:33.130
situation if I want to lift more weights, run

01:39:33.130 --> 01:39:37.369
faster, run longer, be more precise in my shooting

01:39:37.369 --> 01:39:40.550
or my golf game, or even with active recovery.

01:39:40.810 --> 01:39:44.010
So, so important. So important. Yeah, and again,

01:39:44.090 --> 01:39:46.890
I can testify that the nose breathing I did apply

01:39:46.890 --> 01:39:49.010
with, you know, focusing on my diaphragm because

01:39:49.010 --> 01:39:51.510
I was aware of that side as well. The foundation

01:39:51.510 --> 01:39:53.630
training teaches it and, you know, some other

01:39:53.630 --> 01:39:56.689
areas. But one of the funny observations is the

01:39:56.689 --> 01:39:59.710
manifestation into the body. So when I used to

01:39:59.710 --> 01:40:02.550
work out hard and I probably had my mouth wide

01:40:02.550 --> 01:40:05.609
open, I would have what I affectionately call

01:40:05.609 --> 01:40:07.770
my bitch face, which happened very, very early

01:40:07.770 --> 01:40:10.569
on, which looked like, you know, you're just

01:40:10.569 --> 01:40:13.439
about to drop into a pit of fire. And now with

01:40:13.439 --> 01:40:15.640
this nose breathing and the diaphragmatic breathing,

01:40:15.760 --> 01:40:17.899
just focusing on that, I don't think I was that

01:40:17.899 --> 01:40:20.800
far away from it. It was a very simple fix. But

01:40:20.800 --> 01:40:23.020
now it's kind of more like that poker face, which

01:40:23.020 --> 01:40:25.520
is good because if your face is showing like

01:40:25.520 --> 01:40:27.979
I'm hitting the red zone, then obviously the

01:40:27.979 --> 01:40:29.800
rest of your body is going to believe it. But

01:40:29.800 --> 01:40:33.560
just having that calmer breathing pattern, I

01:40:33.560 --> 01:40:35.840
found it's not like I'm going faster. I'm just

01:40:35.840 --> 01:40:38.140
more efficient. And as someone pointed out, the

01:40:38.140 --> 01:40:42.110
people that do well in the CrossFit, workouts,

01:40:42.110 --> 01:40:44.090
competition, whatever you want to call it, are

01:40:44.090 --> 01:40:46.710
the ones that rest less. They don't get faster

01:40:46.710 --> 01:40:49.289
so much. It's just that they need less breaks.

01:40:49.409 --> 01:40:50.909
And that's what I found is I could just keep

01:40:50.909 --> 01:40:53.210
plodding along just by changing my breathing

01:40:53.210 --> 01:40:58.010
pattern. Yeah, and the ones that do best also,

01:40:58.130 --> 01:41:00.369
when they do take breaks, they're incredibly

01:41:00.369 --> 01:41:03.909
efficient breaks. So the breaths that they're

01:41:03.909 --> 01:41:06.590
taking are very efficient breaths. you know,

01:41:06.590 --> 01:41:09.250
that gets them recovered faster. And I got to

01:41:09.250 --> 01:41:11.210
tell you, I'm going to send you this study that

01:41:11.210 --> 01:41:15.710
looks at facial expressions and amount of oxygen

01:41:15.710 --> 01:41:19.630
that you take in. So it's shown that angry or

01:41:19.630 --> 01:41:22.569
sad facial expressions, actually, you get less

01:41:22.569 --> 01:41:26.939
air into your body. So your bitch face is probably

01:41:26.939 --> 01:41:31.920
hurting your oxygen. It's a great study that

01:41:31.920 --> 01:41:34.899
shows that making your face be more relaxed or

01:41:34.899 --> 01:41:37.720
happy actually gets more air in and out of your

01:41:37.720 --> 01:41:40.779
body. So I love that study. Yeah, yeah. But it

01:41:40.779 --> 01:41:43.119
wouldn't be so bad. But every time I've done

01:41:43.119 --> 01:41:45.399
like a fundraiser, this one we do every year,

01:41:45.460 --> 01:41:49.979
this firefighter fundraiser. And there's a photographer

01:41:49.979 --> 01:41:51.899
there. He's amazing. He's a friend of mine. But

01:41:51.899 --> 01:41:53.819
there isn't one picture that I would ever hang

01:41:53.819 --> 01:41:56.039
on a wall because it's that same face no matter

01:41:56.039 --> 01:41:59.439
what I'm doing. So, yeah, I've got to find someone

01:41:59.439 --> 01:42:03.279
who's good at Photoshop. And it's funny. I'll

01:42:03.279 --> 01:42:04.640
tell people when they take a big breath, I'll

01:42:04.640 --> 01:42:06.979
go, relax your eyebrows. What are you doing with

01:42:06.979 --> 01:42:09.720
your eyebrows? We're breathing. But they'll fur

01:42:09.720 --> 01:42:13.680
their brow. No, no, we're not. Relax your face

01:42:13.680 --> 01:42:17.039
and relax your jaw if you're going to be relaxed.

01:42:17.720 --> 01:42:20.479
The last thing you need to be doing is, you know,

01:42:20.500 --> 01:42:23.060
setting your teeth together. You actually want

01:42:23.060 --> 01:42:25.600
your jaw relaxed because your body looks to your

01:42:25.600 --> 01:42:29.140
jaw to see how relaxed it should be. So absolutely.

01:42:30.060 --> 01:42:31.720
Brilliant. All right. Well, I got one more question

01:42:31.720 --> 01:42:34.640
before we go to some wrap up questions. You mentioned

01:42:34.640 --> 01:42:36.960
working with first responders. What are specifically

01:42:36.960 --> 01:42:39.220
some of the things that you do with them and

01:42:39.220 --> 01:42:42.720
what are some of the issues that you see like

01:42:42.720 --> 01:42:46.699
a common factor amongst a lot of them? So with

01:42:46.699 --> 01:42:49.399
first responders, a lot of it is integrating

01:42:49.399 --> 01:42:54.539
their day into a story, if I could say that.

01:42:54.619 --> 01:42:57.079
Is that often, I mean, I worked at Bellevue Hospital.

01:42:57.180 --> 01:42:59.199
I certainly wasn't a first responder because

01:42:59.199 --> 01:43:02.779
I wasn't the person bringing folks in or victims

01:43:02.779 --> 01:43:06.159
into the ER. But I was definitely the next person

01:43:06.159 --> 01:43:09.300
that saw them. So I was working a lot with first

01:43:09.300 --> 01:43:13.279
responders. And now I deal, I've been teaching.

01:43:14.890 --> 01:43:17.770
folks at DOJ and DOD for a little while right

01:43:17.770 --> 01:43:22.770
now. But when you have a tough day, it's hard

01:43:22.770 --> 01:43:27.569
to explain to someone else. It's hard to like

01:43:27.569 --> 01:43:32.590
integrate it into your body and not get detached.

01:43:32.989 --> 01:43:35.770
So I think one of the things that we talk about

01:43:35.770 --> 01:43:39.770
a lot is that feeling of numbness that happens

01:43:39.770 --> 01:43:45.300
if you are around a lot of trauma. And you have

01:43:45.300 --> 01:43:48.659
to continue to wade through and respond to it.

01:43:48.779 --> 01:43:51.159
And I know that I've talked to folks that feel

01:43:51.159 --> 01:43:54.659
detached, or I even had somebody tell me they

01:43:54.659 --> 01:43:57.439
felt wooden. So how do you take what's happened

01:43:57.439 --> 01:44:00.579
in your day and integrate it into your life?

01:44:00.680 --> 01:44:03.500
And right now, the discussion around vets isn't

01:44:03.500 --> 01:44:06.340
so much about healing when you come home, because

01:44:06.340 --> 01:44:09.899
that's really not what you need to have happen.

01:44:09.979 --> 01:44:13.000
You need to be able to integrate. your story

01:44:13.000 --> 01:44:16.119
from when you were deployed and integrated into

01:44:16.119 --> 01:44:20.939
your life now. So that's a tough topic and it's

01:44:20.939 --> 01:44:26.300
pretty deep, but what you do and how you actually

01:44:26.300 --> 01:44:28.739
integrate it into your body and let it go and

01:44:28.739 --> 01:44:32.460
are able to get up the next day. and have hope

01:44:32.460 --> 01:44:35.260
and have energy to continue. So the biological

01:44:35.260 --> 01:44:38.300
part of that kind of comes down to how high is

01:44:38.300 --> 01:44:41.300
your cortisol and do you have a place and do

01:44:41.300 --> 01:44:44.079
you have a routine to be able to recover and

01:44:44.079 --> 01:44:48.000
practice resilience? So that's kind of in a nutshell.

01:44:50.260 --> 01:44:52.819
What we're talking about right now. Brilliant.

01:44:52.859 --> 01:44:56.239
All right. Well, I want to transition, excuse

01:44:56.239 --> 01:44:58.479
me, to some closing questions that I always ask

01:44:58.479 --> 01:45:00.859
everyone. So you're probably aware of them. You

01:45:00.859 --> 01:45:04.579
know they're coming. So the first one is, is

01:45:04.579 --> 01:45:07.819
there a book or books that you love to recommend

01:45:07.819 --> 01:45:09.619
can be about what we talked about or something

01:45:09.619 --> 01:45:13.239
completely different? You know what? I'm reading

01:45:13.239 --> 01:45:15.859
now. Someone just gifted me their own book of

01:45:15.859 --> 01:45:21.420
The War of Art. And it talks about when you don't

01:45:21.420 --> 01:45:24.060
get done the things you'd like to get done. So

01:45:24.060 --> 01:45:26.960
about resistance in your own life. So I didn't

01:45:26.960 --> 01:45:28.159
know you were going to ask that, but The War

01:45:28.159 --> 01:45:30.420
of Art is one that I'm wading through. I usually

01:45:30.420 --> 01:45:33.100
have three or four books next to me. I also mentioned

01:45:33.100 --> 01:45:35.520
that I was reading Tesla's book that's really

01:45:35.520 --> 01:45:39.220
extraordinary. So I would say those two are the

01:45:39.220 --> 01:45:43.979
ones that I'm looking at right now. It's kind

01:45:43.979 --> 01:45:47.090
of weird, but I love the book Seabiscuit. And

01:45:47.090 --> 01:45:50.930
it's about this horse that had unusually short

01:45:50.930 --> 01:45:54.729
legs and how it actually got to be a champion.

01:45:54.829 --> 01:45:58.529
So it's your typical Rocky underdog story, but

01:45:58.529 --> 01:46:02.149
it's about a horse. So I kind of I'm all over

01:46:02.149 --> 01:46:06.270
the place as far as reading. But I'm going to

01:46:06.270 --> 01:46:08.390
give you one more just because I love reading

01:46:08.390 --> 01:46:13.489
is that Roanne Dahl, who wrote Charlie and the

01:46:13.489 --> 01:46:16.989
Chocolate Factory. has short stories that i really

01:46:16.989 --> 01:46:19.470
love and they're definitely quirky and they're

01:46:19.470 --> 01:46:21.270
about human nature and they're kind of out there

01:46:21.270 --> 01:46:24.350
but uh i really like stories that are quirky

01:46:24.350 --> 01:46:27.649
and funny and about human nature so i would that's

01:46:27.649 --> 01:46:30.970
one that i give out all the time uh for sure

01:46:30.970 --> 01:46:33.810
yeah he was an amazing amazing all this it's

01:46:33.810 --> 01:46:36.109
really sad some of the the greatest people dr

01:46:36.109 --> 01:46:39.409
zeus rodal um you know rudyard kipling would

01:46:39.409 --> 01:46:41.930
have been such great guests on this podcast i

01:46:41.930 --> 01:46:47.020
wish i'd started this 50 years ago Yeah, fantastic.

01:46:47.159 --> 01:46:49.159
You're going to have to find somebody who channels

01:46:49.159 --> 01:46:52.779
them and have them come in. Yeah, I'll just go

01:46:52.779 --> 01:46:56.819
to a seance and I'll talk to him that way. Have

01:46:56.819 --> 01:46:59.279
Houdini. I think I'd like to have Houdini on.

01:46:59.399 --> 01:47:01.939
That would be really cool. Yes. Yeah, and Tesla

01:47:01.939 --> 01:47:04.079
to find out who actually came up with it first.

01:47:05.939 --> 01:47:08.859
Exactly. All right. So the same question, but

01:47:08.859 --> 01:47:14.699
a movie and or documentary. You know what? I

01:47:14.699 --> 01:47:18.899
just saw a movie called The Florida Project.

01:47:19.500 --> 01:47:24.039
And it was a little rough around the edges. It

01:47:24.039 --> 01:47:26.600
wasn't a high -financed film, but it was really

01:47:26.600 --> 01:47:29.979
interesting about people that lived in the projects

01:47:29.979 --> 01:47:32.739
right outside of Disney. Is it Disneyland or

01:47:32.739 --> 01:47:34.779
Disney World that's in Florida? Disney World,

01:47:34.920 --> 01:47:36.979
yes. That's the fire department I used to work

01:47:36.979 --> 01:47:40.779
for. Yeah. So and there is a fire in the movie.

01:47:41.859 --> 01:47:47.779
But I loved it because it was just about a community

01:47:47.779 --> 01:47:49.520
that you don't think about is like you think

01:47:49.520 --> 01:47:53.260
about Disney and princesses and things like that.

01:47:53.279 --> 01:47:55.359
And like, what about folks that live in the projects

01:47:55.359 --> 01:48:00.260
right next to it? And how do they live? So it

01:48:00.260 --> 01:48:02.039
was a little sad, but it was definitely interesting.

01:48:03.699 --> 01:48:07.880
And I'm actually, for a recommendation, I'm going

01:48:07.880 --> 01:48:11.720
to veer off. And I really, I'm watching High

01:48:11.720 --> 01:48:14.079
Maintenance right now, which is really funny,

01:48:14.159 --> 01:48:17.260
whether you use smoke weed or do CBD or not,

01:48:17.359 --> 01:48:21.560
the acting and the whole thing is so well done

01:48:21.560 --> 01:48:26.140
that I recommend it to people just because. The

01:48:26.140 --> 01:48:30.500
way New York is shown and the casting is so amazing

01:48:30.500 --> 01:48:32.899
that I just love that show and I've been following

01:48:32.899 --> 01:48:35.439
it for a long time. It used to be on Vimeo and

01:48:35.439 --> 01:48:37.340
then it got financed and I think it's on HBO,

01:48:37.420 --> 01:48:39.239
but still a lot of people don't know about it.

01:48:39.300 --> 01:48:42.399
And it's about this weed dealer in Brooklyn and

01:48:42.399 --> 01:48:45.619
how he goes from house to house selling weed

01:48:45.619 --> 01:48:47.979
and meeting different people. And the characters,

01:48:48.140 --> 01:48:51.359
especially New York characters, are so well done

01:48:51.359 --> 01:48:54.479
that... They just they seem really real to me.

01:48:54.579 --> 01:48:56.560
And that's, you know, I have a pretty high bar

01:48:56.560 --> 01:48:58.640
being a New Yorker for how New Yorkers are depicted.

01:48:59.060 --> 01:49:01.260
Yeah. Yeah. I can imagine there's a lot of caricaturing

01:49:01.260 --> 01:49:07.140
out there. Brilliant. All right. Is there a documentary

01:49:07.140 --> 01:49:11.279
that you love? Oh, there's so many. Oh, my goodness.

01:49:11.380 --> 01:49:14.220
Like I love I love documentary. So I can't give

01:49:14.220 --> 01:49:16.779
you I don't know if I can give you just one.

01:49:16.960 --> 01:49:20.609
I mean. I can't give you just one. Sorry. Give

01:49:20.609 --> 01:49:23.329
me multiple. Give me as many as you want. Oh,

01:49:23.350 --> 01:49:27.550
you know what? Let me see what is. I'm a big

01:49:27.550 --> 01:49:30.649
fan. I mean, I'm a big fan of Vice TV as well.

01:49:32.069 --> 01:49:37.149
But my favorite documentary. Oh, you're going

01:49:37.149 --> 01:49:39.869
to kill me with this right now. You know, what

01:49:39.869 --> 01:49:44.890
keeps coming to mind is not a documentary. But

01:49:44.890 --> 01:49:50.670
I was watching. Oh, man, I can't I can't narrow

01:49:50.670 --> 01:49:55.109
it down. I keep thinking about I love combat

01:49:55.109 --> 01:49:58.590
sports. So obviously, movies wise, I'm going

01:49:58.590 --> 01:50:04.090
to say Fight Club, but more because it has to

01:50:04.090 --> 01:50:06.130
do. I mean, that's not a documentary, but I keep

01:50:06.130 --> 01:50:08.470
thinking about it is that I like movies that

01:50:08.470 --> 01:50:13.770
have to do with human nature and that are, you

01:50:13.770 --> 01:50:16.250
know, that that start discussion about about

01:50:16.250 --> 01:50:21.489
people's. sense of aggression or, or sexuality

01:50:21.489 --> 01:50:27.409
or motivation or things like that. So it's interesting

01:50:27.409 --> 01:50:30.649
that, that anything that has to do with fighting,

01:50:30.750 --> 01:50:33.270
whether it's, you know, Hicks and Gracie's choke

01:50:33.270 --> 01:50:37.069
all the way over to fight club is, is I really

01:50:37.069 --> 01:50:42.010
like, I like biographies. So that, that always

01:50:42.010 --> 01:50:44.229
like starts the discussion about aggression and

01:50:44.229 --> 01:50:46.210
motivation and people. So that's usually where

01:50:46.210 --> 01:50:49.050
I turn to. Brilliant. I think one of the funniest

01:50:49.050 --> 01:50:51.250
memes I've ever seen, and I've posted a couple

01:50:51.250 --> 01:50:54.630
of times now, is just in a text and it says,

01:50:54.770 --> 01:50:57.430
I was late to Fight Club, so I missed the rules.

01:50:57.550 --> 01:51:00.250
But I love Fight Club. I highly recommend Fight

01:51:00.250 --> 01:51:05.649
Club to everyone. I mean, it's such a good movie

01:51:05.649 --> 01:51:07.510
because of the human nature part. And I mean,

01:51:07.510 --> 01:51:10.720
the fight scenes are so great as well. And because

01:51:10.720 --> 01:51:13.300
I think people need an outlet for their aggression

01:51:13.300 --> 01:51:15.779
or else they get weird. You know, I think that

01:51:15.779 --> 01:51:19.680
sports helps us with that for sure. But but,

01:51:19.899 --> 01:51:22.600
you know, you know, such an amazing I always

01:51:22.600 --> 01:51:25.680
liked the whole concept of asshole tax. I always

01:51:25.680 --> 01:51:27.979
thought that if I had a band, I would call them

01:51:27.979 --> 01:51:31.399
asshole tax. So I think I think that's pretty

01:51:31.399 --> 01:51:34.340
good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that repression.

01:51:34.340 --> 01:51:38.680
I lived in Japan for about 15 months. when I

01:51:38.680 --> 01:51:40.439
did stunts out in Universal Studios out there.

01:51:40.699 --> 01:51:43.800
And it was so interesting observing their culture

01:51:43.800 --> 01:51:47.539
because we talked about repressive philosophies

01:51:47.539 --> 01:51:50.539
and cultures with the sex side. And it was the

01:51:50.539 --> 01:51:53.560
same in Japan. There's that hierarchy and the

01:51:53.560 --> 01:51:55.880
way that they've kind of developed is you don't

01:51:55.880 --> 01:52:00.739
question your boss. You don't ask why. And you

01:52:00.739 --> 01:52:04.640
don't show a lot of emotion day to day. But then,

01:52:04.640 --> 01:52:07.520
so consequently... when they would go out drinking,

01:52:07.720 --> 01:52:10.340
it wasn't a social drink. They'd go out and get

01:52:10.340 --> 01:52:12.359
shit -faced. Again, I'm not tiring everyone with

01:52:12.359 --> 01:52:14.680
the same brush, but at that time, you just observe

01:52:14.680 --> 01:52:16.619
a lot of business people doing that. And even

01:52:16.619 --> 01:52:21.060
the comics, very sexually violent comics, but

01:52:21.060 --> 01:52:24.039
they weren't sexually touchy or feely or anything

01:52:24.039 --> 01:52:26.460
at all in day -to -day life. So it's funny that

01:52:26.460 --> 01:52:31.739
when you withhold an area, it can cause a very

01:52:31.739 --> 01:52:35.300
extreme reaction on the other side. that's that's

01:52:35.300 --> 01:52:37.939
a perfect example and the the drinking and the

01:52:37.939 --> 01:52:42.899
sexuality there is is so you know off the chain

01:52:42.899 --> 01:52:46.159
really and it has to do with with repressing

01:52:46.159 --> 01:52:48.939
and uh yeah you must have seen some interesting

01:52:48.939 --> 01:52:51.479
things for sure yeah it was an experience but

01:52:51.479 --> 01:52:54.239
an amazing culture though it really was but you

01:52:54.239 --> 01:52:56.199
know there's it's like with this project there's

01:52:56.199 --> 01:52:58.739
things that we do so well here in the u .s and

01:52:58.739 --> 01:53:00.220
there's things that other countries do better

01:53:00.220 --> 01:53:02.000
that we just need to have the humility to say

01:53:02.560 --> 01:53:04.859
Can we borrow that and maybe change it to make

01:53:04.859 --> 01:53:07.600
it fit our country instead of we're the greatest

01:53:07.600 --> 01:53:09.960
in the world? Fuck everyone else, which some

01:53:09.960 --> 01:53:12.720
people seem to believe, you know, dogmatically.

01:53:13.979 --> 01:53:16.199
Yeah. I mean, can you imagine if we took the

01:53:16.199 --> 01:53:18.359
best of everything from around the world and

01:53:18.359 --> 01:53:21.439
implemented it? Just, you know, as far as literacy

01:53:21.439 --> 01:53:24.500
rates, as far as health is, you know, if someone's

01:53:24.500 --> 01:53:25.979
done the work and figured out that something

01:53:25.979 --> 01:53:29.079
works, why not, you know, use them as a model?

01:53:29.399 --> 01:53:32.510
Absolutely. You know, we have so many places

01:53:32.510 --> 01:53:35.170
where we need help and just saying we're the

01:53:35.170 --> 01:53:37.310
best is not going to be working for us forever.

01:53:37.970 --> 01:53:40.289
Looking to see what really works and going, hey,

01:53:40.369 --> 01:53:42.649
this this works. Why don't we try it would be

01:53:42.649 --> 01:53:45.229
so much better. Yeah, exactly. And it's all there,

01:53:45.289 --> 01:53:47.189
especially now in the technological age that

01:53:47.189 --> 01:53:49.869
we live in. It's there and you can see the results

01:53:49.869 --> 01:53:52.449
and you can, you know, you can reach out on Skype

01:53:52.449 --> 01:53:54.550
and interview the people and be like, tell me,

01:53:54.550 --> 01:53:56.869
tell me the pros and cons. But yeah, I mean,

01:53:56.909 --> 01:53:59.689
I think that that. We are a global community

01:53:59.689 --> 01:54:01.630
now. We need to just borrow from each other.

01:54:01.750 --> 01:54:05.090
And I think we'll fix multiple countries all

01:54:05.090 --> 01:54:08.369
at one time. And you know what? One of the things,

01:54:08.449 --> 01:54:10.470
and I have to thank you for this podcast and

01:54:10.470 --> 01:54:13.050
having me on, is that you're doing that, is that

01:54:13.050 --> 01:54:16.090
you're spreading information by having this podcast,

01:54:16.170 --> 01:54:18.630
by interviewing the people that you have. You're

01:54:18.630 --> 01:54:21.909
doing that within your community and within your

01:54:21.909 --> 01:54:24.789
listeners, is spreading the knowledge of what

01:54:24.789 --> 01:54:28.739
works in a really gracious way. My hat's off

01:54:28.739 --> 01:54:30.600
to you. Thank you for having me. And thank you

01:54:30.600 --> 01:54:32.739
for putting together this podcast. I absolutely

01:54:32.739 --> 01:54:35.220
love it. And it's been my pleasure to be on here

01:54:35.220 --> 01:54:36.939
today. Well, thank you, because it wouldn't be

01:54:36.939 --> 01:54:39.079
a podcast at all if it wasn't for people saying

01:54:39.079 --> 01:54:43.079
yes. So I appreciate you sharing so selflessly

01:54:43.079 --> 01:54:46.220
all your work and your knowledge. Well, speaking

01:54:46.220 --> 01:54:48.760
of that, one of my last closing questions is,

01:54:48.880 --> 01:54:50.560
is there a person that you would recommend to

01:54:50.560 --> 01:54:53.199
come on this show as a guest to talk to the first

01:54:53.199 --> 01:54:58.130
responders and military of the world? I am a

01:54:58.130 --> 01:55:01.949
huge fan of Laura Zera. She is an extreme survivalist

01:55:01.949 --> 01:55:06.850
who is fantastic. She is really, really hardcore

01:55:06.850 --> 01:55:10.229
and amazing. And then I'm going to give you two

01:55:10.229 --> 01:55:13.470
because I just can't stop, is that Steve Cardian

01:55:13.470 --> 01:55:17.510
has a long history as a first responder in New

01:55:17.510 --> 01:55:20.189
York. I think he was one of the youngest sergeants

01:55:20.189 --> 01:55:24.369
ever in New York. He saved his first human being

01:55:24.369 --> 01:55:28.170
at age 17. And has written a book about the importance

01:55:28.170 --> 01:55:33.090
of female intuition as far as keeping us safe.

01:55:33.310 --> 01:55:36.090
So I would say Laura and Steve would be amazing

01:55:36.090 --> 01:55:38.109
on the podcast if you would have them. Actually,

01:55:38.149 --> 01:55:39.710
I would have both of them. That would be fantastic.

01:55:40.170 --> 01:55:41.890
That's the beautiful thing about that question.

01:55:41.949 --> 01:55:45.609
It's such a great one to drop in there that opens

01:55:45.609 --> 01:55:47.909
the doors to so many other great people. Because

01:55:47.909 --> 01:55:50.569
if I respect the person to have them on the show,

01:55:50.649 --> 01:55:52.109
then obviously if they're recommending someone

01:55:52.109 --> 01:55:54.189
else, that has a lot of value. So thank you.

01:55:54.970 --> 01:55:56.949
You're welcome. All right. So the very last one

01:55:56.949 --> 01:55:58.789
before we talk about where we can find you and

01:55:58.789 --> 01:56:02.449
your books, what do you do to decompress if it's

01:56:02.449 --> 01:56:06.170
outside of what we've spoken about today? I definitely

01:56:06.170 --> 01:56:09.210
go to the gym. I mean, for me, if I don't get

01:56:09.210 --> 01:56:12.649
to the gym, I get squirrely. So I know it. I

01:56:12.649 --> 01:56:15.880
get antsy. And I start thinking about what I'd

01:56:15.880 --> 01:56:20.039
like to do. So the gym, getting under a bar is

01:56:20.039 --> 01:56:23.340
where I decompress. And I wish I had something

01:56:23.340 --> 01:56:28.039
more original to tell you. But I either, yeah,

01:56:28.220 --> 01:56:31.100
that's my place is that I put my headphones on.

01:56:31.199 --> 01:56:33.159
You'll see on my social medias that I always

01:56:33.159 --> 01:56:36.819
tell people what podcast I'm listening to. And

01:56:36.819 --> 01:56:38.920
I give a shout out to whatever podcast is my

01:56:38.920 --> 01:56:43.399
gym podcast of the day. And just getting into

01:56:43.399 --> 01:56:46.920
the gym. Even if it's just half an hour, that's

01:56:46.920 --> 01:56:49.899
my place. That's my happy place. Brilliant. Yeah,

01:56:49.960 --> 01:56:52.560
no, that's a lot of people. Nature, family, and

01:56:52.560 --> 01:56:54.539
exercise are the three things that come up over

01:56:54.539 --> 01:56:57.840
and over again. All right, so the very last thing

01:56:57.840 --> 01:57:01.100
then. So if you wouldn't mind, tell people listening

01:57:01.100 --> 01:57:03.039
about the books because I didn't realize you

01:57:03.039 --> 01:57:04.680
had one for kids as well. You've got Breathe

01:57:04.680 --> 01:57:08.390
and then you've got The Belly Breath. Yeah. Yeah,

01:57:08.449 --> 01:57:11.449
the kids one is the belly breath. I'll be promoting

01:57:11.449 --> 01:57:13.729
it more next year just because I've gotten a

01:57:13.729 --> 01:57:15.869
little overwhelmed with life. But the belly breath

01:57:15.869 --> 01:57:18.649
is for kids because kids up till the age of five

01:57:18.649 --> 01:57:22.970
and a half breathe perfectly. And then then we

01:57:22.970 --> 01:57:25.409
we mess them up and they stop breathing the right

01:57:25.409 --> 01:57:27.329
way. But till five and a half, they do a really

01:57:27.329 --> 01:57:30.149
good job. We just did a study on that. And then

01:57:30.149 --> 01:57:33.609
breathe is the book. It has a very long title.

01:57:34.920 --> 01:57:36.979
but that was published last year. And it sort

01:57:36.979 --> 01:57:38.779
of goes about through the steps of everything

01:57:38.779 --> 01:57:42.619
that I did today. And again, I love the book.

01:57:42.659 --> 01:57:44.720
You don't have to buy it. You can go to your

01:57:44.720 --> 01:57:47.380
neighborhood library and take it out. If your

01:57:47.380 --> 01:57:49.880
neighborhood library does not have it, please

01:57:49.880 --> 01:57:52.260
have them get in touch with me and I will send

01:57:52.260 --> 01:57:55.479
them a copy. I'm big into public libraries and

01:57:55.479 --> 01:57:57.579
for people to have access to information that

01:57:57.579 --> 01:58:00.000
don't need to buy the book from anywhere, but

01:58:00.000 --> 01:58:02.789
just take it out of your local library. And then

01:58:02.789 --> 01:58:06.789
I'm working on the next book, which is Breathing

01:58:06.789 --> 01:58:10.050
for Endurance, Strength, Precision and Recovery.

01:58:10.289 --> 01:58:13.630
So hopefully that'll be out next year. I'm totally

01:58:13.630 --> 01:58:16.609
behind because I've just realized that there's

01:58:16.609 --> 01:58:18.930
so many great people out there and so many great

01:58:18.930 --> 01:58:21.850
suggestions and studies that who knows when I'll

01:58:21.850 --> 01:58:23.770
get that one done. But hopefully it'll be in

01:58:23.770 --> 01:58:25.909
the spring. Excellent. And what about the breathing

01:58:25.909 --> 01:58:29.710
class? So the breathing class is the website

01:58:29.710 --> 01:58:35.210
of Dr. Belisa on Instagram. And I do workshops.

01:58:35.350 --> 01:58:37.710
So actually, if I don't do the workshops, folks

01:58:37.710 --> 01:58:39.550
that have been trained by me do the workshop.

01:58:39.630 --> 01:58:42.149
And I also do teacher training. You can usually

01:58:42.149 --> 01:58:45.149
find me doing some kind of an event with first

01:58:45.149 --> 01:58:47.989
responders. I just got back from being in Tampa

01:58:47.989 --> 01:58:51.350
working with the Heroes Journey and with Stay

01:58:51.350 --> 01:58:55.350
in Step. So I'm either at a firehouse, at a conference

01:58:55.350 --> 01:59:00.909
of some sort, in a prison. uh or at a gym doing

01:59:00.909 --> 01:59:03.970
workshops and the workshops are go from three

01:59:03.970 --> 01:59:06.909
hours to two days long where we do all kinds

01:59:06.909 --> 01:59:09.210
of things related to breathing including the

01:59:09.210 --> 01:59:12.270
meditation which is called meditation for people

01:59:12.270 --> 01:59:14.569
that can't meditate because that used to be me

01:59:14.569 --> 01:59:17.930
that's a lot of us i found uh headspace which

01:59:17.930 --> 01:59:21.329
is my my kind of gateway drug but yeah i had

01:59:21.329 --> 01:59:23.029
squirrel brain and i'd sit there for a couple

01:59:23.029 --> 01:59:26.579
minutes and just get antsy squirrel brain or

01:59:26.579 --> 01:59:28.640
monkey brain yeah hopping around all over the

01:59:28.640 --> 01:59:31.699
place wondering why everyone else seems so peaceful

01:59:31.699 --> 01:59:36.789
and yeah but uh but doing and it's A breath led

01:59:36.789 --> 01:59:41.369
meditation is a lot easier for us that have squirrel

01:59:41.369 --> 01:59:43.949
brain for sure. Absolutely. All right. Well,

01:59:43.989 --> 01:59:45.510
I just want to say thank you so much. There's

01:59:45.510 --> 01:59:47.750
been so much in here. And sorry for the tangent

01:59:47.750 --> 01:59:51.189
on the sex side. But as you were saying, it's

01:59:51.189 --> 01:59:53.210
very rare that you hear that. And I've heard

01:59:53.210 --> 01:59:56.010
some good ones on relationships in general. But

01:59:56.010 --> 01:59:58.510
there are some areas where we just we don't talk

01:59:58.510 --> 02:00:00.449
about it. And I think it's refreshing to have

02:00:00.449 --> 02:00:02.229
that conversation. So thank you for that as well.

02:00:02.569 --> 02:00:04.529
Thank you for asking them. I have to thank you

02:00:04.529 --> 02:00:07.869
for asking them for sure. All right. Well, thank

02:00:07.869 --> 02:00:09.670
you so much. I know that people are going to

02:00:09.670 --> 02:00:12.810
get a huge amount out of this. And, you know,

02:00:12.810 --> 02:00:15.170
as you just mentioned, if you go to the website,

02:00:15.409 --> 02:00:17.310
which I'll put on my website as well, the links

02:00:17.310 --> 02:00:19.689
to the books, I think that there's some great

02:00:19.689 --> 02:00:22.029
rabbit holes for people listening to address

02:00:22.029 --> 02:00:25.189
a multitude of issues that we see in our profession.

02:00:25.829 --> 02:00:27.449
You rock, James. Thanks for having me on.