This episode is sponsored by Transcend, a veteran
-owned and operated performance optimization
company that I introduced recently as a sponsor
on this show. Well, since then I have actually
been using my products and I have had incredible
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needed, especially after TBIs or advanced age.
Now, as I mentioned before, the other side of
this company is an altruistic arm called the
Transcend Foundation, which is putting veterans
and first responders through some of their protocols
free of charge. Now, Transcend are also offering
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And you can find that on jamesgearing .com under
the Products tab. And if you want to hear more
about Transcend and their story, listen to episode
808 with the founder, Ernie Colling. or go to
transcendcompany .com. Welcome to the Behind
the Shield podcast. As always, my name is James
Gearing, and this week it is my absolute honor
to welcome on the show entrepreneur and the woman
behind the 343 Fund, Angela Skudin. Now, in this
conversation, we discuss a host of topics. From
her lifelong health battle, she was able to reverse
through holistic practices and psychedelic therapy.
her marriage to Casey, an FDNY firefighter and
lifeguard, the tragic accident that stole Casey
from her and her children, overcoming grief,
emotional healing, the power of psychedelics,
Ibogaine, the life -saving initiatives of the
343 Fund, and so much more. Now, before we get
to this incredible conversation, as I say every
week, please just take a moment. Go to whichever
app you listen to this on. Subscribe to the show,
leave feedback, and leave a rating. Every single
five -star rating truly does elevate this podcast,
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And this is a free library of over 1 ,100 episodes
now. So all I ask in return is that you help
share these incredible men and women's stories
so I can get them to every single person on planet
Earth who needs to hear them. So with that being
said, I introduce to you Angela Skuden. Enjoy.
Well, Angela, I want to start by saying two things.
Firstly, thank you to our mutual friend, Michael
Buhmann, for making this connection. And secondly,
I want to welcome you to the Behind the Shield
podcast today. Thanks, James. I'm happy to be
here. So where are we finding you on planet Earth
this afternoon? So I am on Long Island in the
great state of New York. Beautiful. well i would
love to start the very beginning of your journey
and obviously we'll talk about casey as well
so tell me when you were born and tell excuse
me tell me where you were born and tell me a
little bit about your family dynamic what your
parents did how many siblings i was born in tulsa
oklahoma and i lived there for the first 23 years
of my life i have one sibling lisa an older sister
she And I were very competitive and had the same
hobbies, sometimes by force. So it was, you know,
we took a lot of beatings from each other. And
then we were in a household with my two parents,
Ben and Gail. My mom immigrated from Germany,
post -World War II Germany, which was formerly
Poland. And I was first, well, I guess she was
first generation. But I was first to be born
on American soil from her lineage. Yeah, my father
is a mortgage banker. My mother was a stay -at
-home mom and then worked in the health insurance
field. So I went to Catholic school my whole
life and dropped out of college and proved that
you don't need pieces of paper to be successful.
A few businesses in Long Beach, New York. I've
just pretty much always done what I wanted to
do without hesitation or thought of consequence.
And I don't really do a lot of research when
I want to do something. I just figure out how
do we get it done. So from that, I've got a really
cool store, a couple of stores in Long Beach,
New York. Nothing online. You just have to be
there to experience it. And one's an apothecary
shop, one's a local artisan gift shop, and then
I have a coffee shop. And then I run a foundation
for first responders that helps them get help,
grant access, and a supportive container for
psychedelic journeys for medical assistance or
PTSD, a lot of addiction issues in that arena.
So just to kind of like give them the help and
support that they don't get when they're on the
job for the traumas that they take on for us
as regular humans on earth. And that's about
it. I'm a mom too. I've got two boys. One's 23
and he graduated from Cornell a couple of years
ago. And then I've got a super bright 13 year
old about to be 14 and a bunch of rescue dogs.
I want to go all the way back, but just before
we do, Apothecary, educate me on exactly what
would be within those four walls. So my friends
and I make a bunch of home remedies with plants,
minimal ingredients, all organic, just like we're
really super conscious about where we get all
the products. And it's just from our ancestral
knowledge, really, and then what I learned through
my own healing journey. I had a really severe
battle with Lyme disease, a bunch of tick -borne
co -infections, and some environmental toxins.
So yeah, just all the tips and tricks that I
learned from that. And then I do it with my best
friend, Brittany Shudda, and then one of our
other friends, Karen and Michelle. And yeah,
we just kind of... base it on like old Nordic
knowledge. And yeah, it's pretty cool to just
use your own remedies instead of going, I haven't
bought anything in a pharmacy in years. What
are some of the most successful ancient remedies
that you find in contrast to the chemical versions
available today? My favorite is definitely saffron.
I think it's really telling that saffron's red
also and that they say like red dye causes ADHD
symptoms. So I sometimes think that the plants
mock us on their remedies. I think saffron's
one of them. For me, it's been the most notable
for my personal use. I was actually an Adderall
addict for many years and it was super easy for
me with my ADHD to get Adderall. And that was
in the way of my function and my healing. So,
yeah, I've been using saffron for a while. It's
the only downfall. It's really expensive. But
so is killing yourself with Adderall. So this
isn't much. I don't drink anymore. So I think
about, oh, I'm buying these bottles of saffron
instead of, you know, expensive bottles of wine.
And are you taking it neat like as an actual
dose or are you using it in other products? So
I take it as a dose. I take it and make a tincture
out of it. I recently, I was using an alcohol
-based extraction just because you can extract
more of the plant with an alcohol -based extraction.
But I just recently actually had an Ibogaine
journey. And with Ibogaine, You may continue
making neuroibigaine for 30 days post -treatment
at least. We know scientifically, and that has
a lot of positive function for longevity and
whatnot. So I made a vegetable glycerin -based
saffron tincture. It just costs a lot more. It's
about $60 at cost for the bottle, and that's
a lot. um i use one milliliter a day just usually
when i'm getting ready to work and i need to
just have an organized mind and it for me works
beautifully amazing yeah there's so many areas
where i'm sure that modern products are contributing
to cancer i think one of them i this is my own
personal belief is skin cancer and sun products
because if i've always just gone back to what
would we have done prior to a lot of this modern
technology. And if you're saying that humans
are so fragile that they can't be exposed to
the sun at all, then we know that a lot of us
were partially clothed or not clothed at all
in our history. How do you explain that? And
your skin literally tells you I've had too much
by going red. If you're going to be out on a
fishing boat all day, yeah, there's an application
there maybe for some of the safer ones. If you're
just going to go out and walk for an hour in
New York in May, do you need to be covered in
SPF 1000? I haven't used sunscreen personally
in years. I will use different supplements. Mainly
lycopene is actually one of my favorites. Just
eat more tomatoes in the summertime. feel the
same way about sunscreen. And we always use non
-toxic sunscreen, but further than that, chemical
-free. People don't realize that there's a lot
of natural options for that. And I think they're
scared to use it because they think it won't
work or it wasn't recommended. But yeah, I think
it's really interesting that a lot of the the
preventatives seem to be the causatives for so
many of our diseases. Yeah. We don't fall for
the sunscreen trick in my house anymore. Well,
even if you look at a lot of the most effective
medications, they're derived from plants, they're
derived from pigs, you know, insulin or all these
things. They're originally just us copying something
that naturally exists. They're the most effective
ones. Yeah, for sure. I didn't know any of that,
though, until. pretty recently probably 2018
was when i had my big wake up to you know just
the choices and the different things that might
have been causing my body more harm than good
so you can't fault people or just you know you
don't know what you don't know and i was definitely
in that category but now that i know i just do
a lot better it's also what you eat people don't
understand that that even like ingesting certain
things will cause you to burn more seed oils
if you eat a lot of seed oils you're you're gonna
they say you are what you eat but you really
are so that's also gonna cause you to burn faster
i remember though growing up do you remember
this when you were always the ozone layer was
always getting a hole in it like every year like
that was a big thing you know and then um y2k
you know, that was always like, that was a big
thing that was going to happen. So I feel like
they sell a lot of products based, you know,
running a fear -based society about, you know,
if you don't put this on your skin, you're going
to get cancer. And then there's also this thought
that we have all this control over any medical
issue that we get as a human. Like we really
think we have it under control and that, and
then part of that control. issue is that then
it's our fault you know if we get sick because
it has to be something we did you know and it's
not most of the time when you when you get sick
you know your it's your body's just beautiful
response to um what it does naturally to make
you a good human and if you're the type of human
that doesn't get sick you probably got sick a
lot at one point in your life you know to build
up a really good system so whenever i get sick
if i do i don't get sick very often at all but
if i do i know it's my body's just call to rest
so i try to take a hint on that and and do what
i can do to to support it while it gets what
it needs it knows more than we know and we forget
how smart our body is so because we think we're
the smartest I think there's a lot of arrogance
in medicine. I don't think it's the people that
were creating it, the people that were really
trying to reduce suffering. It's the people that
realize you can make money from it. But when
you look at the human body and you listen to
these people that, for example, have gone on
a plant -based diet, that doesn't have to be
long -term, but it's a reverse disease at least,
the body wants to be in homeostasis. And if you
look at... your stress levels and your sleep
and your ingestion you know your diet excuse
me um you know your hydration all these things
that you can control that again circling back
to ancient man what we would have done you know
walk and drink from a stream and all the all
those things it's amazing the healing ability
of the body but that is what's completely rebuked
by medicine like oh you can't reverse you know
heart disease you can't reverse diabetes like
you can Absolutely. Now, if you've lost two legs
by this point, yeah, you might be a little bit
too far gone, but you listen to the people that
are doing it. And there's people all over the
world that are using food, you know, and these
kind of cleanses to, to completely reverse disease.
And obviously we're going to talk about that
today. Well, you can't grow your legs back, but
you can still reverse diabetes. You know, I think
that's like, that's one thing too, is that mindset
though, when people, you, you will do whatever
you say you're going to do. If you say I'm not
going to heal, you are not going to heal. And
there was actually a part in my healing journey,
I think a lot of people go through this, where
I knew that I could consciously make a decision
to stay stuck in my suffering and nobody would
blame me. You know, they would just be like,
oh, poor woman, whatever. And they would buy
and... the story that I was selling and I could
go down the road and stay stuck, stuck in my
suffering. And then I started noticing people
that do that. As soon as I decided I didn't want
to do that anymore. And me then just getting
so triggered by the people that were doing that.
And then obviously saying to myself, I don't
want to be one of those people. So I was told
I couldn't get rid of anything that I had. And
I would be. on daily antibiotics to even attempt
getting rid of it and antiparasitics for five
to nine years. And that was just unacceptable
to me. And I thought, well, it took you so long
to even tell me what was wrong with me. How do
you know anything? And I actually was listening
to, I was watching Joe Dispenza on the Heal documentary.
And he was talking about his meditation practice
that he did to heal his back. And he had this
horrific back injury. And he used meditation
and the power of his mind to put his back back
together. And I thought, this man is just a man,
just like me. And if he can do that, so can I.
So that was the day I started my meditation practice.
I ordered a book that said how to meditate. And
it's not how you meditate at all. And I remember
sitting in my infrared sauna. full of disease
and toxins and just really trying to sweat it
out and do something positive for my body and
reading this book, How to Meditate and being
the most frustrated I've ever been in my life.
And now when I go to meditate, I can, it is a
practice. And after practicing it for so long,
I can meditate in two seconds, just like. really
just drop in and it doesn't matter about the
noise around me or anything. But I learned if
I didn't put myself through those super frustrating
situations where I'm telling myself how much
I hate something and how difficult it is and
the task that I'm trying to master isn't even
worth it. So for me, meditation has been a huge
part of getting out of my mind so that my body
can heal. And it's something that I implement
almost. on a daily practice that in my dual lingo
that's it my wife does that religiously too i
can't lose my streak i'm almost to 600 days a
little where the brain comes out of their head
when they're amazed how perfect you were i need
that validation in my life well i want to go
to the to early early life again and then we'll
walk through and we'll obviously kind of unpack
some of these illnesses that you're talking about
but just so i don't forget it later in the conversation
as a paramedic on the on the ems side you see
a lot of times where someone's illness or diagnosis
starts to become their identity was there that
element of you and then was that ever a barrier
to maybe taking that step into the healing side
no i grew up in a family that gaslit me that
then nothing was ever wrong with me So I think
I finished a soccer. I did. I finished a soccer
game with a broken leg and then I got taken to
the hospital. I also think I had to go home and
clean my room to get the ride to the hospital
to get the cast. So no, I came from just really
thinking that everything was fixable from a Western
medicine perspective that I could go to the doctor.
They would write me a prescription and 30 days
later, you know, everything was in check. And
I came from. a childhood of treating the symptom
and not the root cause. So I actually think what
happened to me began when I was 11 years old.
And that's when I started having, I started these
weird food sensitivities, you know, out of nowhere.
So now when I'm, you know, you don't know what
you don't know, but now I know a tremendous amount
about at least the diseases that I had. And I
think that. a lot of it started back then and
i just didn't know and i think that that was
so easily translated to orthopedic conditions
for the activity level that i had as a youth
i was extremely active in sports and just kind
of did that 24 7 so having arthritic issues at
14 years old Having something that they describe
as Montauk knee with Lyme disease was really
easy to write off with four surgeries. Just go
in there, scope it out, send me on my way. So
I think I got Lyme disease when I was 11 years
old. And I have a really strong immune system.
And I also had a lot of toxic behaviors. And
eventually, when I was in my late 30s, my immune
system went over the waterfall. And yeah, I ended
up bedridden, covered in sores from head to toe.
And I had a decision to make if I wanted to climb
out of this or if I wanted to take on the identity
of a sick human being for the rest of my life.
And no part of me would ever take on the identity
of a sick human being. So I figured out a way
out. When you reflect back now with this lens
that you have in 2025, and obviously the plant
medicine has healing abilities physically, but
also obviously we'll talk about emotionally and
mentally as well. Were there any elements of
your upbringing that affected you emotionally
that could have contributed to the breakdown
of the nervous system or the immune system? Excuse
me. Oh, for sure. I thought there was no God
because I came from this thought. of the only
way through, like the validation for me on if
I'm doing a good job in life is if God is favoring
me. So I was, you know, viewing myself as unfavored
when I was, you know, covered in sores and like
having and losing teeth and, you know, having
to have my breast implants removed and losing
the ability to wear makeup, losing the ability
to eat food that I wanted to eat. And I really
put myself in a victim mindset. But I didn't
do that for very long, thankfully. I feel like
it was really necessary for me to go through
all these stages, too, of this mindset. Because
then when I'm talking to somebody else who's
still at that stage, I really can relate with
that stage and either help coax them along or,
you know, just honor that they're there. you
know, and that's what they're choosing. And that's
fine. You know, there's no right and wrong on
this, but you know, they'll have to find new
people to talk to about it. But yeah, it's just,
it was one of those things for me that I spent
a little bit of time, just like there is no God
and why would God do this? I'm mad at God, you
know, whatever that means. Until I, I just knew
that I, was having to figure this out so that
I could tell other people how to do it. And so
I just had this turning point where I was just
really accepting of this mission. I also had
a partner at home that was so supportive and
I was kind of the glue in the family. So I was
always a person just my whole life that. oh,
I'll get it figured out. Like, even if I was
five years old, I'm pretty sure if something
really went down, my family would come to me
and be like, okay, what do you think? I hope
so. Cause children, at least till the age of
five are geniuses. So we should always be asking
them what they think. Um, but yeah, I was that
person. So he just gave me this order of, okay,
I need you back and I will do whatever you say,
uh, to, for you to accomplish that. And I, I
told him, okay. it's going to get really weird,
you know, what I found that I'm going to need
to try to do. And he said, you know, that's fine.
And he supported everything that I tried, everything
that I wanted to try. Part of it, the help of
it was that I had researched it so deeply. I
pretty much turned a full -time job into just
researching the diseases that I had. And then
kind of ancient Ayurvedic ways to treat these
modern diseases and yeah i just found that um
energy work became super helpful to me and in
the beginning when i started this practice i
didn't believe in any of it i i thought this
is this is silly this is a waste of money acupuncture
is a waste of time um and now Yeah, I do acupuncture
on a regular basis, chiropractic weekly, my child
the same. And yeah, I lay on a beamer mat once
a day and inject myself with NAD plus and just,
yeah, try to support my system as it's aging
as best I can. And whatever I'm doing has worked
so far for me. I haven't had a sick visit to
a doctor in over five years and nor has my youngest
son. Amazing. Well, let's kind of go back to
as you're progressing through college and beyond,
what were you dreaming of becoming as far as
career wise? And then where did you find yourself
on that journey as far as the choice of professions
initially? Oh, my God. What was I dreaming career
wise? I was dreaming of like, how could I make
money without working? Oh, yeah, that's actually
what I was doing. So I pretty much put all my
efforts towards like, definitely just I knew
I didn't want to work for anybody else. For sure.
I went through like seven different majors before
I dropped out of college. And then I'm probably
the worst person for any parent to have talked
to their. their kids about their future but um
because i'll i'll tell them to just do whatever
they want to do and and then make money along
the way and if they there's nothing that is there
where they can make money with what they do just
make something that does that so i pretty much
just always did that i i knew i wanted to open
a store eventually somebody else that i knew
opened a store and i i just thought well if they
could do that i can i didn't look up what it
took to do it. I just did it. But to open my
first store, I garbage picked all the wood out
of the bay. I would climb in the water and garbage
pick shelves from the wood and dry them out.
And yeah, we did the floor ourselves, my husband
and I and a friend. And I was married to a New
York City firefighter, so you could always find
somebody to come help you paint. So yeah, we...
We just did it all ourselves, and that's how
I started my first store. And it's always just
been successful. I have a new location now, a
bigger store, and then a store inside that store.
So, yeah. I just also just kind of look for what
my community needs. I live in Long Beach, New
York, and I want my town to have everything that
I want my town to have. So if there's something
that my town doesn't have, my town didn't have
an apothecary, and I would go to Costa Rica.
Every year we would go there for years. And there
was this apothecary place, and any time I got
sick at all in Costa Rica, I would just go in
there and tell the lady what was wrong with me,
and she would give me what I needed, and it would
get taken care of. And I thought, well, why don't
we have that in Long Beach, New York? I can get
Amazon in two hours. which is part of the reason
why I stay where I stay. But I can't go get a
natural plant remedy. So we fix that. And I put
that in my town. Same thing with I couldn't get
a good cup of coffee in my town or like a quality
matcha or cacao. And I wanted those things throughout
the day. And I wanted to be able to have that
in my community. Even everyday dose mushroom
coffee, I want to have that whenever I want it.
And I don't want to make it myself. So I made
a coffee shop and we opened that. I have no idea
what I'm doing ever. And I have absolutely no
qualification to do anything that I do on a piece
of paper. But for some reason, I have the magic
stick. when it comes to being successful in business
and doing what I want to do. So yeah, I just
keep doing that. And I don't have any idea like
what I want to be when I grow up. I don't know.
When my son told me he was picking a major in
college, I tried to talk him out of it. And I
was right. He ended up not going. He thought
he was going to be pre -med. So he got stuck
in a bio major. I probably told him to do hotel
restaurant because why not? and then he came
to me right before his junior year and said i
can't change my major i'm stuck in this bio major
and i said that sounds like hell you put yourself
there so you'll finish and he did but you know
it could have been more fun absolutely well you
mentioned about uh casey being fdmy was he a
firefighter when you met no he was a lifeguard
and just a construction worker, you know, and
I shouldn't say just a construction worker. No,
he was a lifeguard and a construction worker.
And I, I liked both of those things, you know,
enough to get married. And he actually became
a firefighter because his childhood best friend's
father, Randy and Eric Eichen are the two best
friends and their father is Donald Eichen. And
he was just like a really cool dude that. uh
fished all the time and like lived this really
cool life and he was a new york city firefighter
and he had a nickname gums from a surf spot in
hawaii that he nicknamed by losing his front
teeth by taking a wipe out there so the boys
just thought he was just the coolest of cool
so uh he made that man donald gums i can made
probably six or seven new york city firefighters
out of that friend group and My husband was one
of them. This is what's interesting. My generation,
even though I wasn't actually from a firefighter
family, they say a lot the best recruitment tool
is the firefighter themselves. And when everything
is good and there's a good environment and you're
supported well, we're shouting from the rooftops
about how good it is. But it's sad because...
As we've seen that deteriorate, it's been the
opposite. Fathers aren't telling their sons and
daughters to be firefighters as much. The same
in the military. So I truly believe that we can
turn it around and go back to that again because
the profession hasn't changed. It's a calling.
It's beautiful. But you've also got to give that
environment where these men and women can go
home to their families and not be forced to stay
longer because of understaffing and mismanagement.
you know if you're happy i think one of the reasons
why my marriage was so successful was because
i always did what i wanted to do and so i was
always happy and my husband had the greatest
job in the world if you asked him as a new york
city firefighter and you know the guys individual
to the firehouse make that the greatest job in
the world like that internal family and that's
what's so unique about being a firefighter And
that's actually what I employed with my organization
to help firefighters was kind of like the kitchen
table attitude, not only for normalization, but
for the hard talks. So we have that internal
support system with a 343 fund. And yeah, the
New York City Fire Department was a huge influence
for the creation of that. Beautiful. You were
with Casey before he became a firefighter. So
what was your kind of observation of the changes
and differences between pre -fire service and
then when he was in the job? I got to like watch
whatever I wanted to on TV when he spent the
night at the firehouse. Yeah, I loved being,
I don't even know what the differences were before.
Life was really hard. I remember when he went,
when he was a probie. uh just they don't get
paid a lot of money and then um they you have
to finagle life or like live with your mom and
dad um they just make it super hard for you and
then you have to live you know in a certain area
and it's super expensive in new york so just
a lot of suffering in the beginning um and a
lot of really long hours and a lot of sacrifice
you know not home on holidays you know when you're
the junior guy you're Um, there's just a lot
of giving up. Um, that said, I absolutely loved
being a firefighter wife to the, to the point
where I don't think I could ever live with somebody
full time. Um, I think that would be just like,
so I, a lot of the guys talk about, oh, the retirement
factor and that being something. I always think
about, you know, what would have happened when
my marriage had been so good post -retirement,
but we had a pretty good streak going. But now
it is something that I think about all the time.
I love my alone time and you have a different
relationship with your kids. And for me, my kids
actually just this morning, my youngest was talking
about the difference in me and who I was before
my husband died and the person that I am now.
And, you know, And I've done a lot of mourning
myself of that person. So when it comes up for
my kids, I let them do that too. You know, just
like talk about her because I do think it helps
them process forward and also accept the role
that I was forced into. Which area of New York
was Casey working in and what kind of company
was he in? Casey was in Ladder 137, Engine 268,
Rockaway Beach, New York. He was also in the
Surf Rescue Company, and then he was in the Mentor
-Mentee Program. His favorite thing about being
a New York City firefighter, I think besides
putting out fires, was definitely being on the
Surf Rescue Company. So, yeah, he rode his bike
to work every day. It was 12 miles, door to door.
From mainly a lot of boardwalk riding to from
Long Beach, New York, straight to Rockaway Beach.
So we had just a really good life. He had a great
life and he loved his job so much. He loved being
a New York City firefighter. He loved being an
ocean lifeguard. So yeah, he saved a lot of lives
when he was here. What are some of the notable
rescues you remember when he was working? Just
being married to him over the years, there was
a lot of water rescues. We'd just be on vacation.
One time we were in Cancun and we're sitting
on the beach and I don't know what's going on.
And he sits up and he's just looking pretty hard
and he takes his sunglasses off and he puts them
on the towel. And I'm like, what are you doing?
He puts his cell phone down and he's like, oh,
this guy's drowning. And I'm like, where? He's
like, right out here. Do you see him? I'm like,
he doesn't look like he's drowning. He's like,
he is drowning. And I'm like, are you going to
go get him? And he said, not yet. You have to
let him marinate a little bit so that they're
happy to see you. And then he just got up and
ran in and then pulls this guy out and the whole
family's like, oh my God. And he's just so nonchalant.
And then another one was, we were, these are
just not even on the job rescues. He also had
two medals from the FDNY, but my most notable
ones weren't. weren't during a fire because i
didn't work with them but um he well he came
in the room um just a few weeks before he died
actually and he was just covered in blood and
i I was on the phone with our oldest son. I said,
what are you doing? What's going on and whose
blood is that? And he's just super panicked.
And he's like, where were you? And I said, I'm
on the phone. And he goes, I have been screaming
your name and I needed you. And I said, well,
what happened? And he said, I just gave Steve
mouth to mouth. This is his blood. Steve was
our neighbor and he'd fallen down the stairs
and he was a bigger man. And Casey said, I needed
you to carry Steve down the stairs. And I, Steve
is way too big for my one rep max deadlift. So
I was like, Casey, I definitely couldn't carry
Steve. And he was like. Yes, you could. And he
was just so delusional about any of my abilities.
But yeah, he gave Steve mouth to mouth until
the paramedics came and he saved Steve's life.
And Steve's wife put a sweet card, you know,
in our mailbox, just thanking Casey. And, you
know, that was just a few weeks before he died.
So stuff like that happened on a regular with
Casey. He was just. that person and he was so
chill like right after he did it like superman
style so it was fun to be married to him you
mentioned one one rep max deadlift uh i know
he was a crossfit um athlete as well talk to
me about how that served him as far as lifeguarding
and fire i mean i don't know if he was like i
mean he did do crossfit at one point in his life,
but I don't know if he, he was like just an engine
workout guy. Like he loved hero workouts and
he was a CrossFit coach. He coached at his local
gym and he, I had a text message from him like
the week before he died that, Hey, I'm not coming
home after work. I'm going to the gym and I'm
meeting one of the guys from work there. He always
was recruiting new people to his CrossFit cult.
Um, yeah, he just, it was a big part of our relationship
at one point too. We did a lot of partner workouts
and competitions and we both like to win and
I worked harder for him than any other human
on the planet. So yeah, it was fun to win with
him and to compete with him and, um, try to keep
up with them. So the guys would all come back
from college, his favorite thing to do. He'd
come home and he'd be like, yeah. The 20 -somethings
just can't even catch me today. They're just
trying to keep up with me on the board. And yeah,
he needed that. And he had it. So it was fun
to see that part of him, too, is always making
people work harder. And when he was a coach,
he was super stoic. But you knew he was hypercritical,
too. So if he gave you a compliment, you know,
he meant it. You were always working. Every person
in the room when Casey was coaching was working
for a look from him, a compliment and add a boy
from him because when you got one, you knew he
meant it and you knew you were doing a good job.
Brilliant. Right. Well, let's go back to 11 -year
-old you. You mentioned that back then there
was the beginning signs of this illness and then
walk me through all the way through to 2018 as
far as the downward spiral. Yeah, so I had just
started getting like these weird allergy symptoms
and then like just being allergic to everything.
And then I remember having to go get allergy
tests, but I was eating a croissant roll that
had like Velveeta cheese in it. I remember, you
know, those like those crescent rolls that come
in the tube. So I had made those for myself in
the toaster oven. I just remember this like life
event, scarring life event. And I got the worst
stomach ache I've ever gotten in my life. after
eating that and i went to the doctor and they
told me i was lactose intolerant that day and
that i couldn't have dairy anymore and yeah i
go back to that moment a lot in my head without
taking these pills so take these pills to eat
this and i started allergy injections i started
orthopedic surgeries at 14. um i had a bunch
of those and um i I suspect my orthopedic issues
and my sudden lactose intolerance came from Lyme
disease back then. I'd been bit by a tick so
many times. When I was young, I grew up in Oklahoma
and we were outside all the time. So we would
just take like burn ticks off each other or pull
them off and throw them, you know. If I got bit
by a tick today, I would put it in a bag. I would
send the tick off to a lab to have it analyzed.
So that I would know exactly what likely transferred
into me. People don't understand that ticks carry
over 200 diseases. And they think that they have
to be on you for an amount of time. Or, you know,
there has to be some sort of rash that comes
up. And no, I kind of look at these people and
just feel like, oh, you get an STD, you know,
if it goes in for any amount of time. So it's
not like, oh, they didn't have it in for an hour.
You're safe. No, like they had it in. The tick
bit you. There was a transfer. And please don't
be naive, especially if you're talking to an
uneducated doctor, which oftentimes people are.
I rarely hear a doctor do the right thing or
say the right thing when somebody is bit by a
tick. And in 2025. That's terrifying. But Lyme
disease creates a plethora of other diseases
or non -diseases that they call diseases. And
people get trapped on very harsh treatments that
are very expensive and very hard on the body
for a very long time. And they will never dig
out of that issue. And they're going to think
it's something else forever. was told I had fibromyalgia
and that I needed orthopedic surgery for my back
and my hip, reconstructive surgery. That would
have ended any of my athletic days at 39 years
old. I said no to those surgeries for the first
time in my life. If it had been up to my parents,
my parents were the type of people that just
like trusted the doctor. Why not? You do what
the doctor says. And I'm not a person that trusts
the doctor at all. And you also have to understand
that a lot of doctors could have been D students
out there. So just because they have a piece
of paper, you know, doesn't mean they know what's
wrong with you or that they should be advising
you at all. So yeah, I did a whole turnaround
though for myself that involved like people say,
what did you do to heal from Lyme disease? And
now I eat cheese all the time, by the way, I'm
not lactose intolerant. That was a lie. So. um
i eat whatever i want whenever i want and i don't
have any issues um but that took a incredibly
long time to re -regulate my entire system from
the ground up with what you mentioned um from
diet to the water that i was ingesting i didn't
know anything about water and keeping my body
alkaline If somebody told me I had cancer today,
I would do three things. I would test my water
to make sure it was hydrogenated and alkaline.
And I would get access to an HBOT and I would
order Bs to begin B venom immediately. And there's
absolutely no way they would ever put chemotherapy
in my body. Yeah, I've said the same thing simply
because when I look at, especially chemo, The
concept, basically, I know it's getting better
now in immunotherapy. They're starting to be
more precise. But the old chemo, it was like,
all right, we're just going to control or delete
the whole body. And fingers crossed, the good
stuff comes back. And it just doesn't, as someone
who was in medicine, it makes no sense whatsoever.
You know what does do that, though? Bee venom.
Oh, really? Educate me more on that because I've
never heard that mentioned as far as cancer before.
So it control all deletes everything and then
it does rebuild healthy cells. So it's been used
since the ancient Egyptian times. We know that.
And yeah, they've never been able to replicate
it. There's something about being stung by a
bee and for about the next 15 minutes after the
stinger actually pumps the application of the
venom into your body. And that is a bee sacrifice
to us. And I just don't think that our creator
did that for no reason. So yeah, it's been shown
in scientific studies to kill breast cancer cells
for sure. And I used it wholly, head to toe,
to rebuild my entire system. I did it for about
15 months. And a lot of the person, the scientists
that trained me on it, had used it for rheumatoid
arthritis himself. And he told me something so
interesting. I said, oh, did the people that
you helped, they call you and be like, oh, my
God, you saved my life? And blah, blah, blah.
And he said, no, I don't ever really hear from
them. And he told me that people forget what
saved them. And I thought that was super interesting.
Interesting indeed. Yeah. So you've got the bee
venom. You're looking at obviously the alkalinity
of the water. What were you changing as far as
nutrition in your diet? Everything. I went to
an Ayurvedic diet. I figured out what my dosha
was. If people listening don't know what their
dosha is, that's okay. They can go online for
like a free dosha test. And it just kind of tells
you your body type. But more than that, I was
able to switch seasonally to other things when
I needed different things. Like when I needed
more grounding, I would eat potatoes. It's pretty
easy when you start thinking about it. It's a
diet based on the elements and then eating based
on your... your ailments. So, uh, I kept my body
completely alkaline. Um, a lot of kitchery was
eaten. I had no idea what that was before. Um,
but I got to learn about it and turmeric and
cumin and all of these spices that aren't traditionally
in a Western diet that I implement into my diet
daily now. So. How did that lead you to the world
of psychedelics? Oh, yoga, right? Isn't that
the gateway drug? I actually, I couldn't do CrossFit.
I had a PICC line in my arm and I needed to start
working out again because I knew, and that's
one thing about chronic disease, like you, sweating
is a huge part of your detox, huge part of detox
pathways. So if I couldn't work out, I would
sit in an infrared sauna. And if I could work
out, I would do yoga. So I hate yoga so much,
like to this day. But I do yoga because I need
it. And just like the fascia release from it
helped me so much. And within the walls of the
yoga studio, I found my teacher who taught me
about Ayurvedic and helped me with recipes and
educated me on that, you know, before there was
chat GBT. And, yeah, it really got me disciplined
and a disciplined mindset and introduced me to
a practitioner who served combo. That's also
been shown to kill cancer. That's probably actually
the four things I would do. I would do HBOT,
these things, combo, and a diet change. with
water, alkaline water. But Combo does the same
things on scientific studies, killing cancer
cells. It's jungle medicine. It is legal in the
United States. It's not any fun. It has nothing
to do with psychedelics. But the practitioner
that taught me how to serve myself, Combo, introduced
me to a compound called Iboga. That's a plant.
And it comes from Bon, Africa, from the Bawiti
tribe. And we're working really hard in the United
States right now on a state -by -state basis
to get it medical access to this compound. It
has been put on the Stage 1 Controlled Substance
List. I'm sorry, Schedule A Controlled Substance
List. And it's wrongfully there. It is not an
addictive substance and it has scientifically
been proven to regenerate white matter in the
brain. And it's been a huge part of my healing.
I did a very dangerous living room iboga journey
when I was bedridden with Lyme disease and Babesia
and Bartonella and relapsing fever, Borrelia
and mold toxicity and Morgellons disease and
heavy metal poisoning. But after the first, after
12 hours of living in my boga with some dude
from California that's no longer on this planet,
I fell asleep for the first time in my life without
any thoughts, racing thoughts, without thinking
of plan A, B, C, D, what I have to do tomorrow,
the day after that, the day after that. And I
slept like a baby for eight hours. And I knew
that it was because of that substance. I haven't
taken a Xanax since. I've been free from an Adderall
addiction. I've been free from a toxic relationship
with alcohol. And I have not been sick since
that living room Iboga journey. Now, have you
just done one and done or have you done it other
times since? So, no, I haven't been one and done.
And I don't, to me, this isn't a one and done
game. I say this is a, you know, you ever paid
to get your car detailed? It's super expensive.
And you got to give your car up for a while.
And they got to take all the seats out. And then
you're super careful when you get your car back.
But, like, you need to either go get your car
detailed again eventually if you don't get a
new car. We're not getting a new car. and, or
get your rags out and learn how to clean your
car at home, you know, with different things.
So I don't know how long you can do that. I can't
clean my car at home for very long before I need
to go back and get it detailed. So I guess it's
just however you take care of your car. I've
had a few journeys. I just went back actually
last week for some cognitive stuff, leftover
cognitive issues from I've been dealing with
since Lyme disease. I had like pretty severe
neurological dysfunction with it. I lost the
ability to speak and say words. And I would be
driving to my son's school or to my business
and I would pass it. And I would say, I have
no idea where I'm going. And for a long time,
I thought, oh my God, I have early onset dementia
until somebody told me that dementia is like
you're, you have the, you're. your keys in your
hand and you don't know you have a car, you know?
And so that made me feel so much better, but
I definitely was having major cognitive dysfunction
and short -term memory loss that I have been
working on. I had gone for medicine. I go to
Ambio Life Sciences in Tijuana, Mexico for Ibogaine
therapy. I think that they're the safest. I trust
them with my life and anyone else's. But yeah,
it's like I now do it probably once a year. I
don't know how long I'll keep that trend up because
it's a really difficult medicine to journey with.
And you can't guarantee what's going to happen
to you. And you can't guarantee how long the
suffering is going to be the day after. I'm a
person that seems to get off fairly easily without
suffering on what is traditionally known as a
gray day. But I still am in a human body that
likes to have a lot of control. And you can't
control what happens when you get on the roller
coaster there. So yeah, there's a bit of fear
that always comes to the forefront. When I'm,
I'm about to journey with Ibogaine, but it's
broken me free of so many addictive patterns.
And when I talk to people that are, were former
addicts and they seem to like have things under
control, they say to me, well, like, why would
I go do a drug to, if I already have this under
control? And I, in my response to that is like,
do, if, if you have it under control because
you're having to restrain yourself. You know,
that's like tying a leash around a dog that's
not trained and being like, well, this is under
control. You know, I would rather go tame the
beast personally and like absolve myself of that
pattern. And psychedelics are the only way that
we have found that we can successfully re -pattern
our brain. for positivity so the fact that like
i can now like i could go have a alcoholic beverage
with my oldest son you know to celebrate his
birthday that was the last time i probably had
one um and i can have one And I don't need to
have any more than that. And I also tell myself
and anybody else who drinks an alcoholic beverage
and says anything but that is just lying to themselves.
But I tell myself the truth and I say, I'm poisoning
my body right now with this decision. But my
body is this incredible machine that can support
me and detox this out. And I take the proper
protocol, post that to aid in my detox, like
glutathione before I go to bed, even if I just
have one. yeah it's maybe a once or twice a year
thing and it was my tool to get through life
prior to me being able to break that pattern
with ibogaine it seems from the addiction point
of view i've had so many navy seals on here talking
about that marcus capone obviously created vets
after his experience um but it seems like it
just resets receptors so whether it's sugar or
caffeine or alcohol or whatever the thing is
when your body is said, oh, I like, you know,
level 10 of this substance, then you're going
to crave level 10. But if it's completely wiping
it clean, it seems like the craving has gone.
And maybe, as you said, the accumulation of stress
and life issues start to push that up to one
and two. And some people seem to need to do another
one. But then I've had other people that have
done the ayahuasca side and Ibogaine. And now
they're starting to understand, well, as you
said, with the rag at home, how can I get really
good at detailing my car so I don't need to keep
going back? So there's one called the Wisdom
Dojo, one of my friends goes to. And so that's
what's really interesting now is that we realize
this is working. But then right now, what's that
post session looking like physically, emotionally,
mentally? How can we keep kind of re -upping
on this so you don't have to keep going through
journey after journey after journey? Yeah, so
there's that integration part. I'm familiar with
the Wisdom Dojo. Isn't that Moose? That sounds
familiar. Yeah, Kagan Gill was the friend of
mine that had gone through it. And I forget the
name of the person that founded it, but it may
well be. Okay, yeah. I hear great things about
that. So yeah, supportive container. It's also,
okay, for somebody like a first responder, let's
talk about that. I myself... I'm not a first
responder, but I have had more than two trauma
incidents in my life. So I'm an above average
trauma human. And what can those look like? Well,
just ask any traumatized human. They can probably
tell you what they went through. But first responders
go through 4 ,000. um, traumatic events, you
know, their, their job full -time is to respond
to trauma, to our trauma. So all of that gets
compartmentalized. So I feel like I just recently
had a first responder, uh, and he was, he went
through, um, three Ibogaine journeys and two
Ayahuasca journeys, you know? So there's, uh,
so many journeys this guy goes on and why did
he keep going through all these journeys and
did it work? Okay. He kept going through all
of these journeys because the reason why you're
going on these journeys is to discover self -love.
So he had discovered self -love, but then he
absolutely couldn't implement it for himself.
So he remained. suicidal. He remained with suicidal
ideations and he remained not wanting to be here.
And he remained in his story of suffering that
anybody he told would have said, Oh my God, this
is what you've been through. You poor guy, you
know, but I knew that he was going to break free.
I knew that like there would be a psychedelic
journey that would be the tipping point for him.
Um, which is why I supported him wholly, like
through his entire. journey and gave him a container
of support that he still utilizes. And I was
privileged to be with him at the moment that
he released his story. So do you have to use
psychedelics to release your story? No. You can
use something like the Landmark Forum. Maybe
you want to go sit in a chair and get mentally
beat up for 36 hours. But you need to do something.
That is going to beat you down mentally so that
you can say this pattern that I love and I'm
so familiar with and I'm so comfortable with
that is not good for me and it is not serving
me needs to change. And the only way to do that
is to rewire your thought patterns. The quickest
way to do that is... psychedelics. The other
super fast way to do that is breathwork. For
some people, psychedelics are easier to do than
commit themselves to a meditation and breathwork
practice. For me, I like to get my rag out in
between journeys and my hose and I have a pretty
intense self -care ritual pattern that I do every
week that It has breath work, meditation, chiropractic
care, acupuncture, cupping, working out, and
infrared saunas. So that's what I do so that
I don't have to go through the car wash too often.
But that said, I'm not afraid to drop my car
off and get detailed either. What about on the
physical side? You know, what did you start seeing
as far as the resolution of symptoms that you
had for so long? Yeah, I had, I mean, it's crazy.
I have to say this. What I had is controversial,
but I had a piriformis nerve impingement. Apparently,
that's a controversial diagnosis. But as a person
that lived in nerve pain for months, I can tell
you the pain wasn't controversial. It was happening
and it was very real. I had left side scoliosis,
spinal stenosis, degenerative disc disease, a
piriformis nerve impingement. And I was told
that I needed, oh, and two fully bulged herniated
discs, my L5S1 and whatever the one is above
it. So I declined surgery. And I also had a right
side labral tear that I got gaslit about that
a doctor told me I didn't have. But then. I did.
But apparently I could move my body into a position
that I shouldn't be able to with the labral tear.
And that's how I came to that diagnosis. But
I later had an MRI that showed it. And I am completely
out of pain from all of said things and haven't
taken, I think I've taken like two ibuprofen
in the last three years. So I don't have any
issues. I also have a fairly, I'm a science experiment
and I do peptides. So that's how I've been avoiding
all my arthritic symptoms is actually just BPC
-157. So it's kind of a little magic. I swear
by him. I use Transcend and that's literally,
I had a few because I was wanting to boost my
natural testosterone, not TRT, but the ones that
boost your own. And I actually came off all of
them. I was kind of a science experiment as well.
It put me. way too high up because my natural
tea was actually pretty good for a firefighter
but then i tapered off and i've come off completely
which is great as well because now people that
need a little boost unlike trt where you're going
to have to take it forever with the peptides
you can take them and then come off and the only
what are you what are you using for that what
peptide or what peptide did you use that was
the one that i was left with the main one was
a clomiphene okay yeah yeah and it worked really
well but i just didn't I needed it just to get
me up to kind of counter the damage of 14 years
in the fire service doing shift work. But once
it got up there, I'm like, well, let me come
up. My whole thing is that we ultimately should
not have to take anything when we get back to
where we need to be. So you can't do that without
an exit strategy. And so, yeah, it's been about
three months off it and I've still retained the
same body weight and strength. you know um still
like like you said work in progress is still
meditation and all kinds of other things to kind
of calm the monkey mind but um and then work
on sleep quality but as far as physically um
it's it's incredible but at 51 years old the
bpc 157 just helps when i get kind of flare ups
with with joint pain so i can keep moving and
then that ultimately addresses the joint pain
Yeah. I mean, they're never, I don't see them
ever being like, oh yeah, you can just go get
BPC. Can you imagine if we could just go get
BPC 157 at an orthopedist office instead of getting
our bodies cut open? You know, but unfortunately
I could go into an orthopedics office and get
surgery approvals, but I couldn't get anything
approved for what I needed to treat Lyme disease.
So it was just, it was such a comedy of errors,
especially pre -2020 that I went through. So
like, i feel like talking now especially men's
hormone levels because that's something that
i feel like men are a little bit like shameful
to talk about like low testosterone and everything
so knowing that there's like peptides out there
that that you can try to access that before you
go on hrt or something like that um i think what
you said is right i think that we if we regulate
ourselves and get our machine adjusted the way
that we need to, that we can regulate anything
within our own system. And it doesn't really
matter what age we're at. And I know that's true
because I've gotten rid of everything that they
said I couldn't get rid of. So I'm just not a
very valuable human right now in that world.
Well, I've always said this too, and it is a
conspiracy because we know. The mentality of
some of these people in the healthcare world,
like the cyclists behind Purdue Pharma, for example,
with OxyContin, there are some horrible people,
you know, who ultimately are broken people that
if they just did their own healing would probably
become very altruistic and want to make the world
better. But that being said, right now, they're
preying upon the weak and there's no money in
dead people and there's no money in healthy people.
but you have an addict for life. There's so much
money in healthy people though, you know, because
I'm going to buy all the blood tests. I'm going
to like longevity is a huge industry and there's
actually so much money in the psychedelic industry.
I think they said it was slated to be an $11
.8 billion industry by 2029. So hopefully knowing
how our politicians operate, it can be on the
backs of that, that we actually get some healing
for people because. We have been grossly sold
out by our legislators and we have been kept
from our full potential as human beings and picked
off, frankly. And they owe a huge debt to us.
And, you know, I think the American people are
tired of the abuse that we've been suffering
at their hands. And if they don't watch it, I
mean, we might get our pitchforks out. Because
I'm ready to do that if they don't make some
change here. I've said the same thing. Torches
and pitchforks. I mean, basically, you know,
if we keep getting the same kind of person every
four years, and the perfect example is the obesity
crisis. That's either side of the aisle for decades.
And then during COVID, we were told that it was
for the health of the people, that we had to
have vaccines and masks. But neither side has
done anything to make Americans healthier, apart
from removing red dye. Wow, that's fucking groundbreaking.
Congratulations. You know what I mean? I mean,
you just have to open your eyes and realize that
the American people are suffering, so that a
few people make a lot of money. But going back
to what you said, though, that is a very good
point. The preventative side, there is money
to be made. And I think people will gladly pay.
Yeah, I'd love to know my blood panel and regulate
my hormones and make sure that my nutritional
panel is correct and that there aren't any risk
factors for my cardiovascular and all the other
areas. I think that's where money would be absolutely
well spent. So it's a great point that you make.
There is money. the industry doesn't have to
collapse we just got to go into the preventative
side and the clean nutrition and support local
farmers with organic food and support local gyms
and rocking communities and all of a sudden we
would have an incredibly healthy nation and then
lo and behold there'll be a lot of money then
for education all the other things that we got
to pour into It just has to shift. That's all
it has to do. And we have to be given the choices.
It's fine. If you want to go through the McDonald's
drive -thru every day, that is available to you.
But we should also be able to inject ourselves
with peptides as an alternative to getting cut
open by an orthopedist. And we should be able
to see if our bodies can do it on our own. And
we should be able to choose that option for our
medical care. So, yeah. Thanks RFK for removing
red dye, but what else you got brother? Because
I mean, it's a tall hill and they're at the bottom.
So they're going to have to make some more moves.
And, you know, at this point, I mean, like we
are at their mercy and I don't know if anything
even matters anymore, but access matters and,
and medical access matters. And when I go down
to Tijuana, Mexico, and I see that the government
there, is promoting and churning out better medical
care than we are in the united states that's
sad to me you know yeah that's i mean that in
tijuana like their their nursing staff they're
like their medical care is their government pays
for it they're given these jobs they're it's
they're hard hard working people and uh i would
trust them over most American medical facilities
at this point. And that's a sad sentence to have
to say. But it's also like no one should be worried
about going to Tijuana, Mexico for medical care
either. I know that we've done a great job in
the United States to make sure that we've tainted
every American from believing that any outside
source could help them. But I'm here to tell
you, you know, we're only removing red dye. So
there's that. I come from a country that had
national health. And back when I was young, it
was still supported. So it was a real national
health. And you think about it, if you have a
tax -based healthcare system, then the incentive
is to make people healthy. So you don't dip into
the tax very much. You have a profit -based healthcare
system, which we have, or disease management
system is a better word for it. then the incentive
is to create people that are sick. I mean, it's
just pure, basic. No one can say it's conspiracy.
It's economics. So which one do you want? Do
you want one that you don't have to worry about
losing your home when you have the audacity to
get cancer or hit by a bus? Or do you want to
have the one that they kind of trick you into,
oh, it's only this copay, but it's not. It's
costing this country trillions of dollars, which
could be a con for everything. We live on Band
-Aids in this country. You know, we sell a lot
of Band -Aids here and everybody's just walking
out gaping sores. So something's got to shift.
Something's got to change. It is survival of
the fittest, you know, and I do feel like, you
know, the people that are trying to figure it
out for everybody are doing a great job. at also
not gatekeeping it and getting the word out.
But it just, it needs to be something that is
available to everybody. And working with the
first responder community, like I'll be in an
Ibogaine clinic and everybody there is like having
suffering from whatever they're going through,
suicidal ideations. And then, oh, guess what
else? They're having a hard marriage over all
of this. Oh, and then guess what else? Now they're
in debt because they had to go get help. And
then that is just all compounding on top of it.
The fact of the matter is, is that substances
like Ibogaine are available to, you know, the
elite and privileged at this point in life. And
we need to, you know, the American healthcare
system needs to work to change that so that we
can be provided for, not even just America, like
all countries should do that. But I just happen
to live in this one. So I have to work within
the walls that I'm. Mine is the American Healthcare
Society. So we have to try to do better. And
yeah, but if you go to the hospital, let's say
the day that a tree fell on my family and we
got a lot of bills that day. And, you know, for
me, I got a bunch of bills and I refused treatment.
I pulled everything off. And said no. But I still
got bills for like hundreds of thousands of dollars,
you know. And they didn't even do anything for
me. And my husband died. But I had all these
bills. So for $10 ,000, soup to nuts, I can transform
a first responder's life for the most part. Or
give them a gateway to do that. Not me personally,
but just give them access and then give them
a supportive container for one year to implement
their new life, you know, feeling like they want
to live instead of wanting to die. And no hospital
in America can do that. You mentioned the tragedy.
So talk to me about June 17th, 2022. And then
how did that ultimately sprout the nonprofit
that you've created? June 17th, 2022. I was six
weeks post my first ayahuasca journey. Actually,
I had used ayahuasca for my Lyme disease healing.
When I tell people I went to psychedelics for
healing, some people are like, oh, my God. But
let me tell you, I was dying. So it was that
either I try psychedelics or. I'm going to die.
So how I'm going to die, it's either like heart
attack or by my own hand, I don't know, but it
was going to be something. So that's where I'm
at when I'm going to sit with ayahuasca. And
I had, I took way too much ayahuasca. I had 155
milliliters of ayahuasca and like a standard
dose is like 75 mls I would never take 75 mls
now if I journey with ayahuasca I take about
30 and then I'll do another 10 after that wears
off but I don't like to go hardcore so 30 is
my standard dose and this time I took 155 when
you take that much ayahuasca you you go deep
so I went really deep and um My entire ayahuasca
journey was about my husband and unconditional
love. Not the entire journey, but a huge part
of it. And it wasn't until that journey, and
I'd been with him for almost 20 years at that
point, that I actually believed that he loved
me. So how a plant could connect me to unconditional
love, I don't know. But ayahuasca did. I don't
know if you're a person that's ever experienced
unconditional love. It's my goal in my life just
to like use that. I use it as my fire now. But
if you're a person that's experienced that, it
doesn't matter if you've lost it because I experienced
unconditional love from my husband and he was
at a firehouse in New York City and I was on
a mountainside in Jersey with some dude named
Jason. and 30 other people. And yeah, and I had
this like life changing, profound experience.
And I learned a lot of other stuff that day too,
that probably only people that drink ayahuasca
would understand. So I'm not going to go through
it on this podcast, but yeah, it allowed me to
understand then the rest of the journey that
I learned. When my husband passed at 3 .43 p
.m. on June 17th, 2022, we were pulling onto
the Biltmore estate and we were in their driveway
and a tree fell. It gave way just at exactly
the time that my family was driving under. And
our 11 -year -old, 10 -year -old at the time,
was hospitalized with four. um broken bones in
his neck and back and our oldest son who's 19
at the time was knocked out and i had been hit
in the head with a tree my entire seat was crushed
and there wasn't anything wrong with me my husband
was dying in the seat next to me and i don't
really i learned i'm a terrible witness and the
story that i have in my mind about what happened
after that isn't the story that happened and
i know that because i have a video of everything
that happened i was recording when we were going
in because i was going to make a reel for my
husband so the video there's a whole other series
of events going on including like my conversation
with my husband and the songs that were playing
and in my mind i had a completely different experience
including third person syndrome um when my husband
was dying and uh yeah the hardest thing i think
i've ever had to do in my life was walk away
from him when he was dying to go get in the ambulance
with our youngest son how did you Or let me rephrase
the question. You've done a psychedelic journey
just prior to this. You have this devastating
tragedy after having this realization of unconditional
love. What part, if any, did sequential psychedelic
journeys factor into processing the grief of
such a tragedy? I was super aware of like what
my body was trying to do to help me. I think
just because I'd become more body aware through
breathwork practice, meditation, psychedelics.
So I was like really like honoring what my body
was trying to do and trying to help it do what
it needed to do. So part of that was like they
say when animals get hit or like they have. or
attacked or whatever, that you'll see them after.
And they're oftentimes just shaking because they're
shaking off fear. And we're animals also. So
I found that my body was just shaking so much.
I knew I was in shock after it happened. I was
really aware of that. But I also knew I had it.
Like I knew I didn't need barbiturates. I knew
I didn't need. you know, anything to help me
sleep. And I knew I didn't want that. I knew
I didn't need alcohol, but I knew I needed to
like eat and get a smoothie in me. Like, even
if I couldn't chew food, cause I couldn't, if
anybody ever goes through anything like that,
like, I mean, if you can eat a sandwich after
that, I don't know, but I can't. So I just like
knew I needed like protein. I needed my brain.
I needed to figure out how to get a body back.
to new york i need to figure out how to feed
my dogs i need to figure out like how to pay
bills how to live my whole life like how to be
this person that i didn't want to be you know
so uh how to be a single mom um yeah like how
to live without my right arm So when something
like this happens to you, it's not like, oh,
you just lose that one person, you know? Like,
I lost, like, everything that day. All the plans
I had for my future, like, my whole identity,
like, I didn't, and nobody wanted it, you know?
It's like, like, I wasn't Casey Skuden's wife,
you know, anymore. And I love that role for a
long time. So part of just that was just accepting
that there's just this clinging that happens
after you watch your best friend die. And yeah,
it still happens to me today. It's really triggering
too because you'll get into a new situation or
whatever. Even going to the grocery store, I
never had to do that in case he was alive. But
you get into that and you're triggered by everything.
But you're evolving into this other role. And
for me, since I had sat with psychedelics and
notably the... hardest psychedelics on the planet.
I don't know what that means, but you know, I'd
sat with these psychedelics and I had this other
knowing that this energy of my husband, this
energy of this unconditional love, it existed,
you know, no matter if his flesh vessel was operating
or not. And I knew what to do. I knew immediately
that I was going to use his life insurance policy
to build. this organization, I knew that he was
going to keep saving lives. I knew that it was
going to be called the 343 Fund. And then if
I tried to get off of my journey or my path or
like talk myself into a different like way or
just not completing the mission that I knew I
had to do, everything just rerouted me towards
the way that I needed to go. So. Yeah, we've
sent 130 first responders. 54 % have been active
duty. 54 % have been police officers. And I think
like 5 % have been EMTs and the rest firefighters.
And I get to hear people tell me that we saved
their life. And I get to hear their kids tell
me, thanks for giving me my dad back. And I get
to hear people tell me I... Went to seven different
inpatient alcohol rehabs and nothing worked,
but I've been sober for 10 months. And I get
to hear people tell me that they don't have their
TBI symptoms anymore and that they're sleeping
every night without their CPAP machine and that
they don't have physical pain in their body anymore,
phantom pain. Yeah, and I get to sleep every
night, including the night that my husband died,
and I walked away from his body, and our son
was in a hospital bed, and I didn't know what
I was doing or how I was getting anybody back
to New York or doing a funeral, but I knew my
body needed sleep, and I knew it was the power
of psychedelics that gave me the ability to tell
my mind to be quiet. give my body the rest that
it needed. Yeah. And I've not used any of my
old tools, alcohol or Xanax or Adderall or cocaine
or anything that I used to love to use. But I've
also stopped shaming myself from everything that
I used to exist and started looking at all of
the substances as Just really good teachers and
also gratitude for them. Gratitude that if it
wasn't for alcohol, I don't even know if anybody
in my family would have made it. Real talk, you
know. It took a lot of alcohol to drown the sorrows.
But, yeah. And I feel like, yeah, gratitude that
alcohol was there and that cocaine was there
and that. Adderall was there because I built
a lot with all of those substances and they kept
me here until I could find tools like breathwork
to regulate my central nervous system and ways
to want to be in my body. So yeah, I'm super
grateful for my psychedelic journeys. They were
great guides for my role in life now. And without
them, I don't know. I don't know if I would even
be here, to be honest with you. But I am here.
And a lot of people get triggered by the way
that I kept myself here. But I see a lot of people
keep themselves here the same way and have really
healthy lives free of SSRIs and mood stabilizers.
like Suboxone and alcohol and Kratom and Adderall
and all of the things, the tools that aren't
so good for your immune system. So yeah, I did
all of that stuff. And I had Lyme disease probably
since I was 11 years old. And I just had a straw
that broke the camel's back. It happened to be
working out seven days a week. which is a straw
for breaking my camel's back so it looked like
a really healthy straw but like underneath that
was like misuse of alcohol adderall addiction
and you know expensive food that wasn't doing
anything because of all the other stuff i was
doing so yeah you mentioned how you were reminiscing
with you said with your daughter is that right
my son it was your son sorry um about you know
pre tragedy and where you were now i think one
of the the areas that seem so under discussed
and this could be just through you know mental
health counseling it could be through and i don't
know a psychedelic journey it could be a mental
health you know trauma element it could be grief
but we don't hear enough about post -traumatic
growth about the hope of who the person is on
the other side it sounded like you were talking
fondly about where you are today so talk to me
about that you were reflecting on you know obviously
this this beautiful marriage you know being a
firefighter spouse and you know all the other
elements that you had pre -2022 where are you
now and and what would you say for people that
that maybe didn't think there was any hope that
there wasn't kind of light at the end of that
work tunnel if you like well it's hard to answer
that question because I'm in a really, really
good place today, which also comes with a tremendous
amount of guilt underlying. You know, I'm in
a really good place because my husband sacrificed
his life, you know. And every time I was sitting
at a kitchen table with a group of first responders,
two police officers and two firefighters. And
I said to them, I know Casey would want to have
saved each of your lives. And I get to look around
the table and know that my husband doesn't exist.
But this guy sitting across from me does. And
one guy I was working with, he actually had trauma
from a riot. And he had a traumatic brain injury
and he'd been taken away from his family. So
to know that my husband's life has been given
in exchange for giving this man, you know, his
life back where he's still here living with his
kids and his wife. There's really no greater
feeling in the world than doing the work that
I do. And if my husband hadn't died, I wouldn't
get to do this. And so. The reason why I'm so
happy is because of service to others that has
been allowed from the death and perceived loss
of unconditional love. But I get to transmute
unconditional love every day and save people's
lives. So I feel an immense amount of gratitude
for my journey and my path. And I say Lyme disease
was one of the greatest gifts I've ever been
given in my life. And the death of my husband
is probably the second greatest gift I've ever
been given. Yeah. And it's, I mean, like you
talk about the guilt and the shame on a surface
level, you know, that kind of makes sense. But
I mean, when you were talking, how often do you
hear, you know, a parent who's lost a child say,
God, if I could just have gone in their place.
You know, this was, as you said, this was something
that Casey was able to make that sacrifice, you
know, voluntary, involuntary, whatever the grand
scale of universe is. And now this legacy is
living on and his two beautiful sons, you know,
are thriving now. And then you've got this nonprofit
and the ripple effect is helping all these other
people and their wives and then husbands and
children. So it is. I mean, you know, there's
no room for guilt and shame because, you know,
we can't undo these tragedies, but it's what
you do. with that after? Would that person that
you adored so much want you curled up in the
corner of a room with a scotch bottle or would
they want you out there doing exactly what you're
doing today? Yeah, I think about that part that
we were talking about, that being stuck or accepting
that, okay, I'm going to be sick for the rest
of my life, accepting that identity. That happens
too when you're a widow and you can pick. Like,
do I want this widow identity to attach itself
to me? Like, and then when everybody in town
looks at me, you know, they're like, oh, that's
the lady that lost her husband really young.
And that could be my story or, you know, for
the rest of my life. And I can attach myself
to that. And nobody would feel bad about that.
They would accept that. But that is not a story
that. i want to attach myself to and it's also
not the story that casey scootin wants you know
not only for his legacy but you know for his
family so yeah um my kids have said my oldest
actually said after uh casey passed he said mom
you know it's so hard to lose dad but um i can't
imagine if i'd lost you and i know that casey
feels the same way Like, I know that my boy's
life would be so different if it had been the
other way around. And I know that I have a job
to do that Casey left in my hands and he knows
that I can do it. And he knows, you know, that
I know what he wants for our boys and for him.
And I'm going to continue to do that. you know,
for the rest of my days. So even though, you
know, I'll do it as Angela Skuden and not Mrs.
Casey Skuden. Well, I'm sure people listening
either want to help contribute or maybe even
be a recipient of it. How do they find the Casey
Skuden 343 fund? We're at 501c3, so all donations
are tax deductible. And you can find it by looking
up the 343fund .org. There's a link for a grant
application, and you can click a link for a tax
deductible donation. Beautiful. Well, before
we get to where everyone can find you as well,
there's some closing questions I'd love to throw
at you if you've got time. Sure. Okay. All right.
The first one is, is there a book or are there
books that you love to recommend? It can be related
to our discussion today or completely unrelated.
Oh my God, this is such a funny question. So
I've never read a book in my entire life. I have
a lot of books, but I've read parts of a book.
And yeah, to answer your question, Daniel Brett.
wrote a book called iboga um and it's a it's
a really good educational readable book um regarding
that and yeah that would be the only book i would
recommend and i listened to a lot of alan watts
though so i'm a big i'm a big listener he was
amazing it's a shame there's a lot of people
in history i wish i could have got on the podcast
you know but the timing was just wrong Yeah,
you can still listen to Alan Watts though. He
can get in your head. Absolutely. All right.
Well, what about films and documentaries? There's
actually a really good documentary right now
called Waves and War. Marcus Capone, you mentioned
him earlier. He's actually in that documentary.
And it actually shows like him going down to
Ambio and Tijuana, Mexico. And so you can get
kind of like a view of what. that psychedelics
have been doing for special operators. But also
you can keep in mind that everybody deserves
to be free. So psychedelics are for everyone.
And then there's also the documentary that changed
my life, the Heal documentary. I think that's
an important documentary. It has nothing to do
with psychedelics, but it does have to do with
your human body and your mind and the power of
that to heal. Brilliant. all right well speaking
of great people is there a person that you'd
recommend to come on this podcast as a guest
to speak to the first responders military and
associated professionals of the world um yeah
i would uh recommend aaron suzo so he's actually
been on a few podcasts and he's actually gone
down to mbo and experiences himself and he was
a swat or gang unit officer in hayward and has
a pretty compelling story. So he'd be a good
one for you to talk to from the law enforcement
perspective and what it actually is like going
down to Tijuana, Mexico to get help for yourself.
Brilliant. Yeah. I would love to get him on maybe
after he's had some time to process what he's
gone through. Yeah. He went last September, so
he'd probably be amped to talk to you. Okay.
Yeah. If you help able to make that connection,
that'd be amazing. Yeah, for sure. Thank you.
All right. Well, the last question before we
make sure everyone knows where to find you, what
do you do to decompress? I do breath work. Like
my favorite thing is box breathing. So I used
to be, I live in New York. I love driving in
New York. It's like Mario Kart, but I also like
to keep my chill. So sometimes like just a little
box breathing regulates your central nervous
system in less than 30 seconds. So a little four
count in hold, four count out hold. is my favorite.
Fantastic. All right. Well, you mentioned where
to find the 343 Fund. Are there any other places,
social media, et cetera, people can find you?
Yeah, you can find me on social media. Yeah,
I'm at Rock Center Pockets, or Angela Skuden.
And the 343 Fund is on Instagram and Facebook.
And the best way to get a hold of me would probably
be via a DM on Instagram. Beautiful. Well, I
want to thank you so much. Thank you to Michael
again for yet another amazing connection, amazing
story, but also to you and not just for what
you're doing now. But as I underline often, you
know, when people are revisiting some of the
the harder parts of their life story, you know,
I understand that at that moment it's taken a
toll. You're kind of reopening that wound. But
I know that. so many people listening are going
to really, it's going to resonate with them and
it's going to then have a ripple effect in their
lives as well. So I want to thank you so, so
much for being so generous with your time and
courageous and coming on the Behind the Shield
podcast today. Yeah. Thanks so much for having
me, James. I appreciate it.