WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.620 This episode is sponsored by Transcend, a veteran 00:00:02.620 --> 00:00:04.980 -owned and operated performance optimization 00:00:04.980 --> 00:00:08.039 company that I introduced recently as a sponsor 00:00:08.039 --> 00:00:10.820 on this show. Well, since then I have actually 00:00:10.820 --> 00:00:13.080 been using my products and I have had incredible 00:00:13.080 --> 00:00:15.939 success. There was initial blood work that was 00:00:15.939 --> 00:00:19.039 extremely detailed and based on that they offered 00:00:19.039 --> 00:00:23.519 supplementation. So I began taking DHEA. BPC 00:00:23.519 --> 00:00:26.399 -157 for inflammation based on the fact that 00:00:26.399 --> 00:00:28.300 I've been a stuntman, a martial artist and a 00:00:28.300 --> 00:00:30.579 firefighter my whole life. Lots of aches and 00:00:30.579 --> 00:00:33.880 pains. Dihexa to help cognition after multiple 00:00:33.880 --> 00:00:36.899 punches to the head and shift work and peptides. 00:00:37.079 --> 00:00:39.520 Four months later they did a detailed blood work 00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:42.259 again and I was actually able to taper off two 00:00:42.259 --> 00:00:44.479 of the peptides because my body had responded 00:00:44.479 --> 00:00:47.060 so well to just one of them that it was optimized 00:00:47.060 --> 00:00:50.530 at that point. So I cannot speak highly enough 00:00:50.530 --> 00:00:53.530 of the immense range of supplementation that 00:00:53.530 --> 00:00:55.789 they offer, whether it's male health, female 00:00:55.789 --> 00:00:58.530 health, peptides to boost your own testosterone, 00:00:58.649 --> 00:01:00.829 which I would argue is needed by a lot of the 00:01:00.829 --> 00:01:03.570 fire service, or whether it's exogenous testosterone 00:01:03.570 --> 00:01:06.750 needed, especially after TBIs or advanced age. 00:01:07.239 --> 00:01:09.480 Now, as I mentioned before, the other side of 00:01:09.480 --> 00:01:11.980 this company is an altruistic arm called the 00:01:11.980 --> 00:01:14.840 Transcend Foundation, which is putting veterans 00:01:14.840 --> 00:01:17.620 and first responders through some of their protocols 00:01:17.620 --> 00:01:21.340 free of charge. Now, Transcend are also offering 00:01:21.340 --> 00:01:24.019 you, the audience, 10 % off their protocols. 00:01:24.239 --> 00:01:27.120 And you can find that on jamesgearing .com under 00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:29.840 the Products tab. And if you want to hear more 00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:32.560 about Transcend and their story, listen to episode 00:01:32.560 --> 00:01:37.390 808 with the founder, Ernie Colling. or go to 00:01:37.390 --> 00:01:42.189 transcendcompany .com. Welcome to the Behind 00:01:42.189 --> 00:01:44.129 the Shield podcast. As always, my name is James 00:01:44.129 --> 00:01:46.049 Gearing, and this week it is my absolute honor 00:01:46.049 --> 00:01:49.250 to welcome on the show entrepreneur and the woman 00:01:49.250 --> 00:01:54.450 behind the 343 Fund, Angela Skudin. Now, in this 00:01:54.450 --> 00:01:57.569 conversation, we discuss a host of topics. From 00:01:57.569 --> 00:02:00.590 her lifelong health battle, she was able to reverse 00:02:00.590 --> 00:02:03.769 through holistic practices and psychedelic therapy. 00:02:04.829 --> 00:02:08.229 her marriage to Casey, an FDNY firefighter and 00:02:08.229 --> 00:02:11.870 lifeguard, the tragic accident that stole Casey 00:02:11.870 --> 00:02:15.069 from her and her children, overcoming grief, 00:02:15.430 --> 00:02:19.610 emotional healing, the power of psychedelics, 00:02:19.750 --> 00:02:23.409 Ibogaine, the life -saving initiatives of the 00:02:23.409 --> 00:02:27.250 343 Fund, and so much more. Now, before we get 00:02:27.250 --> 00:02:29.729 to this incredible conversation, as I say every 00:02:29.729 --> 00:02:32.810 week, please just take a moment. Go to whichever 00:02:32.810 --> 00:02:35.780 app you listen to this on. Subscribe to the show, 00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:40.080 leave feedback, and leave a rating. Every single 00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:43.199 five -star rating truly does elevate this podcast, 00:02:43.500 --> 00:02:45.879 therefore making it easier for others to find. 00:02:46.060 --> 00:02:50.900 And this is a free library of over 1 ,100 episodes 00:02:50.900 --> 00:02:54.780 now. So all I ask in return is that you help 00:02:54.780 --> 00:02:57.639 share these incredible men and women's stories 00:02:57.639 --> 00:03:01.639 so I can get them to every single person on planet 00:03:01.639 --> 00:03:04.860 Earth who needs to hear them. So with that being 00:03:04.860 --> 00:03:10.139 said, I introduce to you Angela Skuden. Enjoy. 00:03:29.539 --> 00:03:32.199 Well, Angela, I want to start by saying two things. 00:03:32.280 --> 00:03:34.719 Firstly, thank you to our mutual friend, Michael 00:03:34.719 --> 00:03:37.240 Buhmann, for making this connection. And secondly, 00:03:37.240 --> 00:03:39.080 I want to welcome you to the Behind the Shield 00:03:39.080 --> 00:03:42.479 podcast today. Thanks, James. I'm happy to be 00:03:42.479 --> 00:03:44.900 here. So where are we finding you on planet Earth 00:03:44.900 --> 00:03:49.180 this afternoon? So I am on Long Island in the 00:03:49.180 --> 00:03:52.590 great state of New York. Beautiful. well i would 00:03:52.590 --> 00:03:55.250 love to start the very beginning of your journey 00:03:55.250 --> 00:03:57.169 and obviously we'll talk about casey as well 00:03:57.169 --> 00:04:00.009 so tell me when you were born and tell excuse 00:04:00.009 --> 00:04:02.069 me tell me where you were born and tell me a 00:04:02.069 --> 00:04:03.610 little bit about your family dynamic what your 00:04:03.610 --> 00:04:08.270 parents did how many siblings i was born in tulsa 00:04:08.270 --> 00:04:13.590 oklahoma and i lived there for the first 23 years 00:04:13.590 --> 00:04:18.449 of my life i have one sibling lisa an older sister 00:04:18.449 --> 00:04:25.540 she And I were very competitive and had the same 00:04:25.540 --> 00:04:29.540 hobbies, sometimes by force. So it was, you know, 00:04:29.560 --> 00:04:34.319 we took a lot of beatings from each other. And 00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:37.079 then we were in a household with my two parents, 00:04:37.220 --> 00:04:41.180 Ben and Gail. My mom immigrated from Germany, 00:04:41.300 --> 00:04:44.319 post -World War II Germany, which was formerly 00:04:44.319 --> 00:04:48.759 Poland. And I was first, well, I guess she was 00:04:48.759 --> 00:04:52.459 first generation. But I was first to be born 00:04:52.459 --> 00:04:57.120 on American soil from her lineage. Yeah, my father 00:04:57.120 --> 00:05:00.879 is a mortgage banker. My mother was a stay -at 00:05:00.879 --> 00:05:03.699 -home mom and then worked in the health insurance 00:05:03.699 --> 00:05:08.339 field. So I went to Catholic school my whole 00:05:08.339 --> 00:05:13.720 life and dropped out of college and proved that 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:15.759 you don't need pieces of paper to be successful. 00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:22.540 A few businesses in Long Beach, New York. I've 00:05:22.540 --> 00:05:24.540 just pretty much always done what I wanted to 00:05:24.540 --> 00:05:31.240 do without hesitation or thought of consequence. 00:05:31.620 --> 00:05:34.259 And I don't really do a lot of research when 00:05:34.259 --> 00:05:35.920 I want to do something. I just figure out how 00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:39.399 do we get it done. So from that, I've got a really 00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:42.240 cool store, a couple of stores in Long Beach, 00:05:42.339 --> 00:05:45.319 New York. Nothing online. You just have to be 00:05:45.319 --> 00:05:49.110 there to experience it. And one's an apothecary 00:05:49.110 --> 00:05:54.750 shop, one's a local artisan gift shop, and then 00:05:54.750 --> 00:05:58.569 I have a coffee shop. And then I run a foundation 00:05:58.569 --> 00:06:01.750 for first responders that helps them get help, 00:06:01.889 --> 00:06:04.810 grant access, and a supportive container for 00:06:04.810 --> 00:06:09.410 psychedelic journeys for medical assistance or 00:06:09.410 --> 00:06:14.709 PTSD, a lot of addiction issues in that arena. 00:06:15.360 --> 00:06:17.300 So just to kind of like give them the help and 00:06:17.300 --> 00:06:19.639 support that they don't get when they're on the 00:06:19.639 --> 00:06:22.819 job for the traumas that they take on for us 00:06:22.819 --> 00:06:25.879 as regular humans on earth. And that's about 00:06:25.879 --> 00:06:28.920 it. I'm a mom too. I've got two boys. One's 23 00:06:28.920 --> 00:06:32.379 and he graduated from Cornell a couple of years 00:06:32.379 --> 00:06:37.279 ago. And then I've got a super bright 13 year 00:06:37.279 --> 00:06:42.660 old about to be 14 and a bunch of rescue dogs. 00:06:44.370 --> 00:06:46.589 I want to go all the way back, but just before 00:06:46.589 --> 00:06:50.410 we do, Apothecary, educate me on exactly what 00:06:50.410 --> 00:06:55.129 would be within those four walls. So my friends 00:06:55.129 --> 00:07:01.509 and I make a bunch of home remedies with plants, 00:07:01.829 --> 00:07:07.829 minimal ingredients, all organic, just like we're 00:07:07.829 --> 00:07:11.149 really super conscious about where we get all 00:07:11.149 --> 00:07:15.019 the products. And it's just from our ancestral 00:07:15.019 --> 00:07:17.759 knowledge, really, and then what I learned through 00:07:17.759 --> 00:07:20.740 my own healing journey. I had a really severe 00:07:20.740 --> 00:07:24.420 battle with Lyme disease, a bunch of tick -borne 00:07:24.420 --> 00:07:26.899 co -infections, and some environmental toxins. 00:07:27.060 --> 00:07:30.439 So yeah, just all the tips and tricks that I 00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:33.660 learned from that. And then I do it with my best 00:07:33.660 --> 00:07:36.040 friend, Brittany Shudda, and then one of our 00:07:36.040 --> 00:07:40.540 other friends, Karen and Michelle. And yeah, 00:07:40.660 --> 00:07:44.180 we just kind of... base it on like old Nordic 00:07:44.180 --> 00:07:50.480 knowledge. And yeah, it's pretty cool to just 00:07:50.480 --> 00:07:53.399 use your own remedies instead of going, I haven't 00:07:53.399 --> 00:07:55.759 bought anything in a pharmacy in years. What 00:07:55.759 --> 00:08:00.139 are some of the most successful ancient remedies 00:08:00.139 --> 00:08:02.680 that you find in contrast to the chemical versions 00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:06.519 available today? My favorite is definitely saffron. 00:08:07.100 --> 00:08:09.100 I think it's really telling that saffron's red 00:08:09.100 --> 00:08:12.660 also and that they say like red dye causes ADHD 00:08:12.660 --> 00:08:17.160 symptoms. So I sometimes think that the plants 00:08:17.160 --> 00:08:20.160 mock us on their remedies. I think saffron's 00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:23.699 one of them. For me, it's been the most notable 00:08:23.699 --> 00:08:28.600 for my personal use. I was actually an Adderall 00:08:28.600 --> 00:08:31.540 addict for many years and it was super easy for 00:08:31.540 --> 00:08:36.169 me with my ADHD to get Adderall. And that was 00:08:36.169 --> 00:08:38.629 in the way of my function and my healing. So, 00:08:38.690 --> 00:08:42.029 yeah, I've been using saffron for a while. It's 00:08:42.029 --> 00:08:45.529 the only downfall. It's really expensive. But 00:08:45.529 --> 00:08:49.950 so is killing yourself with Adderall. So this 00:08:49.950 --> 00:08:53.210 isn't much. I don't drink anymore. So I think 00:08:53.210 --> 00:08:55.289 about, oh, I'm buying these bottles of saffron 00:08:55.289 --> 00:08:58.769 instead of, you know, expensive bottles of wine. 00:08:59.669 --> 00:09:03.330 And are you taking it neat like as an actual 00:09:03.330 --> 00:09:07.370 dose or are you using it in other products? So 00:09:07.370 --> 00:09:10.409 I take it as a dose. I take it and make a tincture 00:09:10.409 --> 00:09:14.870 out of it. I recently, I was using an alcohol 00:09:14.870 --> 00:09:17.470 -based extraction just because you can extract 00:09:17.470 --> 00:09:20.509 more of the plant with an alcohol -based extraction. 00:09:21.549 --> 00:09:24.730 But I just recently actually had an Ibogaine 00:09:24.730 --> 00:09:28.159 journey. And with Ibogaine, You may continue 00:09:28.159 --> 00:09:31.100 making neuroibigaine for 30 days post -treatment 00:09:31.100 --> 00:09:35.200 at least. We know scientifically, and that has 00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:38.620 a lot of positive function for longevity and 00:09:38.620 --> 00:09:43.279 whatnot. So I made a vegetable glycerin -based 00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:49.200 saffron tincture. It just costs a lot more. It's 00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:54.000 about $60 at cost for the bottle, and that's 00:09:54.000 --> 00:09:58.809 a lot. um i use one milliliter a day just usually 00:09:58.809 --> 00:10:02.149 when i'm getting ready to work and i need to 00:10:02.149 --> 00:10:05.190 just have an organized mind and it for me works 00:10:05.190 --> 00:10:08.509 beautifully amazing yeah there's so many areas 00:10:08.509 --> 00:10:11.730 where i'm sure that modern products are contributing 00:10:11.730 --> 00:10:14.409 to cancer i think one of them i this is my own 00:10:14.409 --> 00:10:17.389 personal belief is skin cancer and sun products 00:10:17.389 --> 00:10:20.570 because if i've always just gone back to what 00:10:20.570 --> 00:10:23.220 would we have done prior to a lot of this modern 00:10:23.220 --> 00:10:25.179 technology. And if you're saying that humans 00:10:25.179 --> 00:10:28.460 are so fragile that they can't be exposed to 00:10:28.460 --> 00:10:31.279 the sun at all, then we know that a lot of us 00:10:31.279 --> 00:10:33.620 were partially clothed or not clothed at all 00:10:33.620 --> 00:10:36.480 in our history. How do you explain that? And 00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:38.960 your skin literally tells you I've had too much 00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:42.480 by going red. If you're going to be out on a 00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:44.059 fishing boat all day, yeah, there's an application 00:10:44.059 --> 00:10:47.120 there maybe for some of the safer ones. If you're 00:10:47.120 --> 00:10:49.179 just going to go out and walk for an hour in 00:10:49.179 --> 00:10:53.019 New York in May, do you need to be covered in 00:10:53.019 --> 00:10:58.259 SPF 1000? I haven't used sunscreen personally 00:10:58.259 --> 00:11:02.399 in years. I will use different supplements. Mainly 00:11:02.399 --> 00:11:05.879 lycopene is actually one of my favorites. Just 00:11:05.879 --> 00:11:11.440 eat more tomatoes in the summertime. feel the 00:11:11.440 --> 00:11:17.080 same way about sunscreen. And we always use non 00:11:17.080 --> 00:11:20.940 -toxic sunscreen, but further than that, chemical 00:11:20.940 --> 00:11:24.220 -free. People don't realize that there's a lot 00:11:24.220 --> 00:11:26.039 of natural options for that. And I think they're 00:11:26.039 --> 00:11:28.879 scared to use it because they think it won't 00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:33.340 work or it wasn't recommended. But yeah, I think 00:11:33.340 --> 00:11:37.759 it's really interesting that a lot of the the 00:11:37.759 --> 00:11:41.860 preventatives seem to be the causatives for so 00:11:41.860 --> 00:11:44.940 many of our diseases. Yeah. We don't fall for 00:11:44.940 --> 00:11:48.600 the sunscreen trick in my house anymore. Well, 00:11:48.639 --> 00:11:50.679 even if you look at a lot of the most effective 00:11:50.679 --> 00:11:53.440 medications, they're derived from plants, they're 00:11:53.440 --> 00:11:56.220 derived from pigs, you know, insulin or all these 00:11:56.220 --> 00:11:59.019 things. They're originally just us copying something 00:11:59.019 --> 00:12:00.960 that naturally exists. They're the most effective 00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:05.539 ones. Yeah, for sure. I didn't know any of that, 00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:09.980 though, until. pretty recently probably 2018 00:12:09.980 --> 00:12:15.039 was when i had my big wake up to you know just 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:21.399 the choices and the different things that might 00:12:21.399 --> 00:12:25.000 have been causing my body more harm than good 00:12:25.000 --> 00:12:30.179 so you can't fault people or just you know you 00:12:30.179 --> 00:12:32.019 don't know what you don't know and i was definitely 00:12:32.019 --> 00:12:34.700 in that category but now that i know i just do 00:12:34.700 --> 00:12:36.779 a lot better it's also what you eat people don't 00:12:36.779 --> 00:12:39.639 understand that that even like ingesting certain 00:12:39.639 --> 00:12:42.299 things will cause you to burn more seed oils 00:12:42.299 --> 00:12:45.240 if you eat a lot of seed oils you're you're gonna 00:12:45.240 --> 00:12:47.220 they say you are what you eat but you really 00:12:47.220 --> 00:12:50.159 are so that's also gonna cause you to burn faster 00:12:50.159 --> 00:12:52.460 i remember though growing up do you remember 00:12:52.460 --> 00:12:55.539 this when you were always the ozone layer was 00:12:55.539 --> 00:12:58.419 always getting a hole in it like every year like 00:12:58.419 --> 00:13:02.399 that was a big thing you know and then um y2k 00:13:02.940 --> 00:13:04.519 you know, that was always like, that was a big 00:13:04.519 --> 00:13:06.700 thing that was going to happen. So I feel like 00:13:06.700 --> 00:13:09.360 they sell a lot of products based, you know, 00:13:09.360 --> 00:13:11.799 running a fear -based society about, you know, 00:13:11.799 --> 00:13:14.539 if you don't put this on your skin, you're going 00:13:14.539 --> 00:13:18.440 to get cancer. And then there's also this thought 00:13:18.440 --> 00:13:21.659 that we have all this control over any medical 00:13:21.659 --> 00:13:24.679 issue that we get as a human. Like we really 00:13:24.679 --> 00:13:28.460 think we have it under control and that, and 00:13:28.460 --> 00:13:32.289 then part of that control. issue is that then 00:13:32.289 --> 00:13:35.289 it's our fault you know if we get sick because 00:13:35.289 --> 00:13:39.710 it has to be something we did you know and it's 00:13:39.710 --> 00:13:42.330 not most of the time when you when you get sick 00:13:42.330 --> 00:13:44.610 you know your it's your body's just beautiful 00:13:44.610 --> 00:13:50.090 response to um what it does naturally to make 00:13:50.090 --> 00:13:52.389 you a good human and if you're the type of human 00:13:52.389 --> 00:13:54.669 that doesn't get sick you probably got sick a 00:13:54.669 --> 00:13:57.600 lot at one point in your life you know to build 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:01.559 up a really good system so whenever i get sick 00:14:01.559 --> 00:14:04.179 if i do i don't get sick very often at all but 00:14:04.179 --> 00:14:07.100 if i do i know it's my body's just call to rest 00:14:07.100 --> 00:14:12.639 so i try to take a hint on that and and do what 00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:15.779 i can do to to support it while it gets what 00:14:15.779 --> 00:14:18.899 it needs it knows more than we know and we forget 00:14:18.899 --> 00:14:21.399 how smart our body is so because we think we're 00:14:21.399 --> 00:14:24.429 the smartest I think there's a lot of arrogance 00:14:24.429 --> 00:14:28.909 in medicine. I don't think it's the people that 00:14:28.909 --> 00:14:30.429 were creating it, the people that were really 00:14:30.429 --> 00:14:32.309 trying to reduce suffering. It's the people that 00:14:32.309 --> 00:14:35.309 realize you can make money from it. But when 00:14:35.309 --> 00:14:37.610 you look at the human body and you listen to 00:14:37.610 --> 00:14:39.529 these people that, for example, have gone on 00:14:39.529 --> 00:14:41.549 a plant -based diet, that doesn't have to be 00:14:41.549 --> 00:14:43.750 long -term, but it's a reverse disease at least, 00:14:43.889 --> 00:14:47.070 the body wants to be in homeostasis. And if you 00:14:47.070 --> 00:14:49.389 look at... your stress levels and your sleep 00:14:49.389 --> 00:14:51.649 and your ingestion you know your diet excuse 00:14:51.649 --> 00:14:54.190 me um you know your hydration all these things 00:14:54.190 --> 00:14:56.570 that you can control that again circling back 00:14:56.570 --> 00:14:59.429 to ancient man what we would have done you know 00:14:59.429 --> 00:15:01.470 walk and drink from a stream and all the all 00:15:01.470 --> 00:15:05.009 those things it's amazing the healing ability 00:15:05.009 --> 00:15:08.289 of the body but that is what's completely rebuked 00:15:08.289 --> 00:15:10.230 by medicine like oh you can't reverse you know 00:15:10.230 --> 00:15:12.230 heart disease you can't reverse diabetes like 00:15:12.230 --> 00:15:14.879 you can Absolutely. Now, if you've lost two legs 00:15:14.879 --> 00:15:16.340 by this point, yeah, you might be a little bit 00:15:16.340 --> 00:15:19.120 too far gone, but you listen to the people that 00:15:19.120 --> 00:15:20.440 are doing it. And there's people all over the 00:15:20.440 --> 00:15:22.740 world that are using food, you know, and these 00:15:22.740 --> 00:15:25.919 kind of cleanses to, to completely reverse disease. 00:15:26.019 --> 00:15:27.279 And obviously we're going to talk about that 00:15:27.279 --> 00:15:31.240 today. Well, you can't grow your legs back, but 00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:34.019 you can still reverse diabetes. You know, I think 00:15:34.019 --> 00:15:36.460 that's like, that's one thing too, is that mindset 00:15:36.460 --> 00:15:40.120 though, when people, you, you will do whatever 00:15:40.120 --> 00:15:43.899 you say you're going to do. If you say I'm not 00:15:43.899 --> 00:15:46.639 going to heal, you are not going to heal. And 00:15:46.639 --> 00:15:48.840 there was actually a part in my healing journey, 00:15:48.940 --> 00:15:50.279 I think a lot of people go through this, where 00:15:50.279 --> 00:15:53.899 I knew that I could consciously make a decision 00:15:53.899 --> 00:15:56.940 to stay stuck in my suffering and nobody would 00:15:56.940 --> 00:15:58.559 blame me. You know, they would just be like, 00:15:58.620 --> 00:16:02.759 oh, poor woman, whatever. And they would buy 00:16:02.759 --> 00:16:08.570 and... the story that I was selling and I could 00:16:08.570 --> 00:16:10.509 go down the road and stay stuck, stuck in my 00:16:10.509 --> 00:16:12.429 suffering. And then I started noticing people 00:16:12.429 --> 00:16:15.230 that do that. As soon as I decided I didn't want 00:16:15.230 --> 00:16:18.830 to do that anymore. And me then just getting 00:16:18.830 --> 00:16:22.289 so triggered by the people that were doing that. 00:16:22.370 --> 00:16:25.490 And then obviously saying to myself, I don't 00:16:25.490 --> 00:16:27.909 want to be one of those people. So I was told 00:16:27.909 --> 00:16:30.429 I couldn't get rid of anything that I had. And 00:16:30.429 --> 00:16:34.240 I would be. on daily antibiotics to even attempt 00:16:34.240 --> 00:16:37.559 getting rid of it and antiparasitics for five 00:16:37.559 --> 00:16:40.639 to nine years. And that was just unacceptable 00:16:40.639 --> 00:16:43.940 to me. And I thought, well, it took you so long 00:16:43.940 --> 00:16:46.659 to even tell me what was wrong with me. How do 00:16:46.659 --> 00:16:49.440 you know anything? And I actually was listening 00:16:49.440 --> 00:16:53.679 to, I was watching Joe Dispenza on the Heal documentary. 00:16:54.360 --> 00:16:57.799 And he was talking about his meditation practice 00:16:57.799 --> 00:17:00.549 that he did to heal his back. And he had this 00:17:00.549 --> 00:17:05.130 horrific back injury. And he used meditation 00:17:05.130 --> 00:17:08.069 and the power of his mind to put his back back 00:17:08.069 --> 00:17:12.049 together. And I thought, this man is just a man, 00:17:12.150 --> 00:17:15.690 just like me. And if he can do that, so can I. 00:17:15.950 --> 00:17:18.450 So that was the day I started my meditation practice. 00:17:18.529 --> 00:17:21.390 I ordered a book that said how to meditate. And 00:17:21.390 --> 00:17:23.589 it's not how you meditate at all. And I remember 00:17:23.589 --> 00:17:28.220 sitting in my infrared sauna. full of disease 00:17:28.220 --> 00:17:32.220 and toxins and just really trying to sweat it 00:17:32.220 --> 00:17:34.480 out and do something positive for my body and 00:17:34.480 --> 00:17:36.619 reading this book, How to Meditate and being 00:17:36.619 --> 00:17:40.319 the most frustrated I've ever been in my life. 00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:45.579 And now when I go to meditate, I can, it is a 00:17:45.579 --> 00:17:47.980 practice. And after practicing it for so long, 00:17:48.039 --> 00:17:50.440 I can meditate in two seconds, just like. really 00:17:50.440 --> 00:17:52.200 just drop in and it doesn't matter about the 00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:55.259 noise around me or anything. But I learned if 00:17:55.259 --> 00:17:58.599 I didn't put myself through those super frustrating 00:17:58.599 --> 00:18:02.859 situations where I'm telling myself how much 00:18:02.859 --> 00:18:05.259 I hate something and how difficult it is and 00:18:05.259 --> 00:18:07.599 the task that I'm trying to master isn't even 00:18:07.599 --> 00:18:10.940 worth it. So for me, meditation has been a huge 00:18:10.940 --> 00:18:14.660 part of getting out of my mind so that my body 00:18:14.660 --> 00:18:17.400 can heal. And it's something that I implement 00:18:17.400 --> 00:18:23.369 almost. on a daily practice that in my dual lingo 00:18:23.369 --> 00:18:26.869 that's it my wife does that religiously too i 00:18:26.869 --> 00:18:31.029 can't lose my streak i'm almost to 600 days a 00:18:31.029 --> 00:18:32.769 little where the brain comes out of their head 00:18:32.769 --> 00:18:36.509 when they're amazed how perfect you were i need 00:18:36.509 --> 00:18:39.450 that validation in my life well i want to go 00:18:39.450 --> 00:18:41.609 to the to early early life again and then we'll 00:18:41.609 --> 00:18:43.170 walk through and we'll obviously kind of unpack 00:18:43.170 --> 00:18:45.029 some of these illnesses that you're talking about 00:18:45.029 --> 00:18:47.589 but just so i don't forget it later in the conversation 00:18:47.589 --> 00:18:53.579 as a paramedic on the on the ems side you see 00:18:53.579 --> 00:18:56.900 a lot of times where someone's illness or diagnosis 00:18:56.900 --> 00:19:00.500 starts to become their identity was there that 00:19:00.500 --> 00:19:03.539 element of you and then was that ever a barrier 00:19:03.539 --> 00:19:05.920 to maybe taking that step into the healing side 00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:10.500 no i grew up in a family that gaslit me that 00:19:10.500 --> 00:19:13.940 then nothing was ever wrong with me So I think 00:19:13.940 --> 00:19:16.539 I finished a soccer. I did. I finished a soccer 00:19:16.539 --> 00:19:19.039 game with a broken leg and then I got taken to 00:19:19.039 --> 00:19:21.980 the hospital. I also think I had to go home and 00:19:21.980 --> 00:19:24.440 clean my room to get the ride to the hospital 00:19:24.440 --> 00:19:29.259 to get the cast. So no, I came from just really 00:19:29.259 --> 00:19:32.259 thinking that everything was fixable from a Western 00:19:32.259 --> 00:19:35.539 medicine perspective that I could go to the doctor. 00:19:35.599 --> 00:19:37.720 They would write me a prescription and 30 days 00:19:37.720 --> 00:19:39.799 later, you know, everything was in check. And 00:19:39.799 --> 00:19:48.559 I came from. a childhood of treating the symptom 00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:52.000 and not the root cause. So I actually think what 00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:54.980 happened to me began when I was 11 years old. 00:19:55.500 --> 00:19:59.619 And that's when I started having, I started these 00:19:59.619 --> 00:20:02.460 weird food sensitivities, you know, out of nowhere. 00:20:02.599 --> 00:20:05.099 So now when I'm, you know, you don't know what 00:20:05.099 --> 00:20:07.259 you don't know, but now I know a tremendous amount 00:20:07.259 --> 00:20:10.380 about at least the diseases that I had. And I 00:20:10.380 --> 00:20:13.420 think that. a lot of it started back then and 00:20:13.420 --> 00:20:16.660 i just didn't know and i think that that was 00:20:16.660 --> 00:20:21.019 so easily translated to orthopedic conditions 00:20:21.019 --> 00:20:24.380 for the activity level that i had as a youth 00:20:24.380 --> 00:20:28.559 i was extremely active in sports and just kind 00:20:28.559 --> 00:20:31.779 of did that 24 7 so having arthritic issues at 00:20:31.779 --> 00:20:35.299 14 years old Having something that they describe 00:20:35.299 --> 00:20:38.720 as Montauk knee with Lyme disease was really 00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:42.240 easy to write off with four surgeries. Just go 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:44.460 in there, scope it out, send me on my way. So 00:20:44.460 --> 00:20:47.220 I think I got Lyme disease when I was 11 years 00:20:47.220 --> 00:20:50.119 old. And I have a really strong immune system. 00:20:50.700 --> 00:20:56.539 And I also had a lot of toxic behaviors. And 00:20:56.539 --> 00:20:59.660 eventually, when I was in my late 30s, my immune 00:20:59.660 --> 00:21:04.279 system went over the waterfall. And yeah, I ended 00:21:04.279 --> 00:21:06.880 up bedridden, covered in sores from head to toe. 00:21:07.180 --> 00:21:12.279 And I had a decision to make if I wanted to climb 00:21:12.279 --> 00:21:14.440 out of this or if I wanted to take on the identity 00:21:14.440 --> 00:21:17.240 of a sick human being for the rest of my life. 00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:20.680 And no part of me would ever take on the identity 00:21:20.680 --> 00:21:23.180 of a sick human being. So I figured out a way 00:21:23.180 --> 00:21:27.480 out. When you reflect back now with this lens 00:21:27.480 --> 00:21:30.039 that you have in 2025, and obviously the plant 00:21:30.039 --> 00:21:33.140 medicine has healing abilities physically, but 00:21:33.140 --> 00:21:35.119 also obviously we'll talk about emotionally and 00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:37.880 mentally as well. Were there any elements of 00:21:37.880 --> 00:21:40.599 your upbringing that affected you emotionally 00:21:40.599 --> 00:21:42.599 that could have contributed to the breakdown 00:21:42.599 --> 00:21:45.220 of the nervous system or the immune system? Excuse 00:21:45.220 --> 00:21:49.039 me. Oh, for sure. I thought there was no God 00:21:49.039 --> 00:21:55.509 because I came from this thought. of the only 00:21:55.509 --> 00:21:59.529 way through, like the validation for me on if 00:21:59.529 --> 00:22:03.349 I'm doing a good job in life is if God is favoring 00:22:03.349 --> 00:22:09.089 me. So I was, you know, viewing myself as unfavored 00:22:09.089 --> 00:22:11.990 when I was, you know, covered in sores and like 00:22:11.990 --> 00:22:15.250 having and losing teeth and, you know, having 00:22:15.250 --> 00:22:17.049 to have my breast implants removed and losing 00:22:17.049 --> 00:22:19.309 the ability to wear makeup, losing the ability 00:22:19.309 --> 00:22:23.690 to eat food that I wanted to eat. And I really 00:22:23.690 --> 00:22:27.630 put myself in a victim mindset. But I didn't 00:22:27.630 --> 00:22:30.809 do that for very long, thankfully. I feel like 00:22:30.809 --> 00:22:32.750 it was really necessary for me to go through 00:22:32.750 --> 00:22:35.990 all these stages, too, of this mindset. Because 00:22:35.990 --> 00:22:37.910 then when I'm talking to somebody else who's 00:22:37.910 --> 00:22:41.609 still at that stage, I really can relate with 00:22:41.609 --> 00:22:45.650 that stage and either help coax them along or, 00:22:45.730 --> 00:22:48.470 you know, just honor that they're there. you 00:22:48.470 --> 00:22:51.130 know, and that's what they're choosing. And that's 00:22:51.130 --> 00:22:52.910 fine. You know, there's no right and wrong on 00:22:52.910 --> 00:22:55.329 this, but you know, they'll have to find new 00:22:55.329 --> 00:22:59.609 people to talk to about it. But yeah, it's just, 00:22:59.710 --> 00:23:01.910 it was one of those things for me that I spent 00:23:01.910 --> 00:23:04.210 a little bit of time, just like there is no God 00:23:04.210 --> 00:23:07.529 and why would God do this? I'm mad at God, you 00:23:07.529 --> 00:23:14.029 know, whatever that means. Until I, I just knew 00:23:14.029 --> 00:23:18.440 that I, was having to figure this out so that 00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:23.519 I could tell other people how to do it. And so 00:23:23.519 --> 00:23:27.579 I just had this turning point where I was just 00:23:27.579 --> 00:23:29.599 really accepting of this mission. I also had 00:23:29.599 --> 00:23:33.880 a partner at home that was so supportive and 00:23:33.880 --> 00:23:37.579 I was kind of the glue in the family. So I was 00:23:37.579 --> 00:23:40.660 always a person just my whole life that. oh, 00:23:40.779 --> 00:23:42.740 I'll get it figured out. Like, even if I was 00:23:42.740 --> 00:23:44.579 five years old, I'm pretty sure if something 00:23:44.579 --> 00:23:46.839 really went down, my family would come to me 00:23:46.839 --> 00:23:48.859 and be like, okay, what do you think? I hope 00:23:48.859 --> 00:23:50.980 so. Cause children, at least till the age of 00:23:50.980 --> 00:23:52.980 five are geniuses. So we should always be asking 00:23:52.980 --> 00:23:55.400 them what they think. Um, but yeah, I was that 00:23:55.400 --> 00:23:58.839 person. So he just gave me this order of, okay, 00:23:58.900 --> 00:24:04.039 I need you back and I will do whatever you say, 00:24:04.200 --> 00:24:07.759 uh, to, for you to accomplish that. And I, I 00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:12.519 told him, okay. it's going to get really weird, 00:24:12.640 --> 00:24:15.500 you know, what I found that I'm going to need 00:24:15.500 --> 00:24:19.759 to try to do. And he said, you know, that's fine. 00:24:20.140 --> 00:24:23.519 And he supported everything that I tried, everything 00:24:23.519 --> 00:24:26.519 that I wanted to try. Part of it, the help of 00:24:26.519 --> 00:24:29.319 it was that I had researched it so deeply. I 00:24:29.319 --> 00:24:31.160 pretty much turned a full -time job into just 00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:33.900 researching the diseases that I had. And then 00:24:33.900 --> 00:24:40.720 kind of ancient Ayurvedic ways to treat these 00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:46.359 modern diseases and yeah i just found that um 00:24:46.359 --> 00:24:50.720 energy work became super helpful to me and in 00:24:50.720 --> 00:24:52.920 the beginning when i started this practice i 00:24:52.920 --> 00:24:56.640 didn't believe in any of it i i thought this 00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:00.680 is this is silly this is a waste of money acupuncture 00:25:00.680 --> 00:25:05.569 is a waste of time um and now Yeah, I do acupuncture 00:25:05.569 --> 00:25:09.150 on a regular basis, chiropractic weekly, my child 00:25:09.150 --> 00:25:15.109 the same. And yeah, I lay on a beamer mat once 00:25:15.109 --> 00:25:22.930 a day and inject myself with NAD plus and just, 00:25:23.069 --> 00:25:28.009 yeah, try to support my system as it's aging 00:25:28.009 --> 00:25:32.599 as best I can. And whatever I'm doing has worked 00:25:32.599 --> 00:25:36.339 so far for me. I haven't had a sick visit to 00:25:36.339 --> 00:25:39.700 a doctor in over five years and nor has my youngest 00:25:39.700 --> 00:25:43.500 son. Amazing. Well, let's kind of go back to 00:25:43.500 --> 00:25:46.680 as you're progressing through college and beyond, 00:25:46.880 --> 00:25:49.920 what were you dreaming of becoming as far as 00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:52.480 career wise? And then where did you find yourself 00:25:52.480 --> 00:25:55.519 on that journey as far as the choice of professions 00:25:55.519 --> 00:25:59.480 initially? Oh, my God. What was I dreaming career 00:25:59.480 --> 00:26:01.559 wise? I was dreaming of like, how could I make 00:26:01.559 --> 00:26:07.680 money without working? Oh, yeah, that's actually 00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:12.180 what I was doing. So I pretty much put all my 00:26:12.180 --> 00:26:15.380 efforts towards like, definitely just I knew 00:26:15.380 --> 00:26:18.119 I didn't want to work for anybody else. For sure. 00:26:18.400 --> 00:26:20.599 I went through like seven different majors before 00:26:20.599 --> 00:26:23.960 I dropped out of college. And then I'm probably 00:26:23.960 --> 00:26:26.460 the worst person for any parent to have talked 00:26:26.460 --> 00:26:29.839 to their. their kids about their future but um 00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:32.339 because i'll i'll tell them to just do whatever 00:26:32.339 --> 00:26:35.180 they want to do and and then make money along 00:26:35.180 --> 00:26:39.099 the way and if they there's nothing that is there 00:26:39.099 --> 00:26:41.299 where they can make money with what they do just 00:26:41.299 --> 00:26:44.980 make something that does that so i pretty much 00:26:44.980 --> 00:26:47.359 just always did that i i knew i wanted to open 00:26:47.359 --> 00:26:49.900 a store eventually somebody else that i knew 00:26:49.900 --> 00:26:54.319 opened a store and i i just thought well if they 00:26:54.319 --> 00:26:58.160 could do that i can i didn't look up what it 00:26:58.160 --> 00:27:02.619 took to do it. I just did it. But to open my 00:27:02.619 --> 00:27:05.160 first store, I garbage picked all the wood out 00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:09.039 of the bay. I would climb in the water and garbage 00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:12.299 pick shelves from the wood and dry them out. 00:27:12.619 --> 00:27:17.720 And yeah, we did the floor ourselves, my husband 00:27:17.720 --> 00:27:20.839 and I and a friend. And I was married to a New 00:27:20.839 --> 00:27:22.359 York City firefighter, so you could always find 00:27:22.359 --> 00:27:25.339 somebody to come help you paint. So yeah, we... 00:27:26.079 --> 00:27:29.440 We just did it all ourselves, and that's how 00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:32.460 I started my first store. And it's always just 00:27:32.460 --> 00:27:35.359 been successful. I have a new location now, a 00:27:35.359 --> 00:27:37.539 bigger store, and then a store inside that store. 00:27:38.059 --> 00:27:43.700 So, yeah. I just also just kind of look for what 00:27:43.700 --> 00:27:46.980 my community needs. I live in Long Beach, New 00:27:46.980 --> 00:27:49.700 York, and I want my town to have everything that 00:27:49.700 --> 00:27:51.809 I want my town to have. So if there's something 00:27:51.809 --> 00:27:53.950 that my town doesn't have, my town didn't have 00:27:53.950 --> 00:27:56.289 an apothecary, and I would go to Costa Rica. 00:27:56.710 --> 00:28:01.849 Every year we would go there for years. And there 00:28:01.849 --> 00:28:04.789 was this apothecary place, and any time I got 00:28:04.789 --> 00:28:08.470 sick at all in Costa Rica, I would just go in 00:28:08.470 --> 00:28:09.970 there and tell the lady what was wrong with me, 00:28:10.009 --> 00:28:11.789 and she would give me what I needed, and it would 00:28:11.789 --> 00:28:13.910 get taken care of. And I thought, well, why don't 00:28:13.910 --> 00:28:16.269 we have that in Long Beach, New York? I can get 00:28:16.269 --> 00:28:19.569 Amazon in two hours. which is part of the reason 00:28:19.569 --> 00:28:24.309 why I stay where I stay. But I can't go get a 00:28:24.309 --> 00:28:27.730 natural plant remedy. So we fix that. And I put 00:28:27.730 --> 00:28:29.990 that in my town. Same thing with I couldn't get 00:28:29.990 --> 00:28:36.329 a good cup of coffee in my town or like a quality 00:28:36.329 --> 00:28:40.269 matcha or cacao. And I wanted those things throughout 00:28:40.269 --> 00:28:43.009 the day. And I wanted to be able to have that 00:28:43.009 --> 00:28:45.690 in my community. Even everyday dose mushroom 00:28:45.690 --> 00:28:47.890 coffee, I want to have that whenever I want it. 00:28:47.950 --> 00:28:50.470 And I don't want to make it myself. So I made 00:28:50.470 --> 00:28:54.690 a coffee shop and we opened that. I have no idea 00:28:54.690 --> 00:28:57.690 what I'm doing ever. And I have absolutely no 00:28:57.690 --> 00:29:00.910 qualification to do anything that I do on a piece 00:29:00.910 --> 00:29:05.650 of paper. But for some reason, I have the magic 00:29:05.650 --> 00:29:09.299 stick. when it comes to being successful in business 00:29:09.299 --> 00:29:12.559 and doing what I want to do. So yeah, I just 00:29:12.559 --> 00:29:16.900 keep doing that. And I don't have any idea like 00:29:16.900 --> 00:29:19.380 what I want to be when I grow up. I don't know. 00:29:19.420 --> 00:29:22.000 When my son told me he was picking a major in 00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:24.759 college, I tried to talk him out of it. And I 00:29:24.759 --> 00:29:27.599 was right. He ended up not going. He thought 00:29:27.599 --> 00:29:29.700 he was going to be pre -med. So he got stuck 00:29:29.700 --> 00:29:33.380 in a bio major. I probably told him to do hotel 00:29:33.380 --> 00:29:36.579 restaurant because why not? and then he came 00:29:36.579 --> 00:29:38.700 to me right before his junior year and said i 00:29:38.700 --> 00:29:41.380 can't change my major i'm stuck in this bio major 00:29:41.380 --> 00:29:44.140 and i said that sounds like hell you put yourself 00:29:44.140 --> 00:29:48.819 there so you'll finish and he did but you know 00:29:48.819 --> 00:29:52.079 it could have been more fun absolutely well you 00:29:52.079 --> 00:29:55.480 mentioned about uh casey being fdmy was he a 00:29:55.480 --> 00:30:00.019 firefighter when you met no he was a lifeguard 00:30:00.019 --> 00:30:03.140 and just a construction worker, you know, and 00:30:03.140 --> 00:30:05.119 I shouldn't say just a construction worker. No, 00:30:05.220 --> 00:30:07.599 he was a lifeguard and a construction worker. 00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:11.160 And I, I liked both of those things, you know, 00:30:11.180 --> 00:30:14.019 enough to get married. And he actually became 00:30:14.019 --> 00:30:18.140 a firefighter because his childhood best friend's 00:30:18.140 --> 00:30:23.859 father, Randy and Eric Eichen are the two best 00:30:23.859 --> 00:30:27.180 friends and their father is Donald Eichen. And 00:30:27.180 --> 00:30:30.740 he was just like a really cool dude that. uh 00:30:30.740 --> 00:30:34.759 fished all the time and like lived this really 00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:36.940 cool life and he was a new york city firefighter 00:30:36.940 --> 00:30:41.740 and he had a nickname gums from a surf spot in 00:30:41.740 --> 00:30:43.720 hawaii that he nicknamed by losing his front 00:30:43.720 --> 00:30:46.039 teeth by taking a wipe out there so the boys 00:30:46.039 --> 00:30:48.059 just thought he was just the coolest of cool 00:30:48.059 --> 00:30:54.680 so uh he made that man donald gums i can made 00:30:54.680 --> 00:30:58.099 probably six or seven new york city firefighters 00:30:58.099 --> 00:31:01.210 out of that friend group and My husband was one 00:31:01.210 --> 00:31:05.410 of them. This is what's interesting. My generation, 00:31:05.609 --> 00:31:08.390 even though I wasn't actually from a firefighter 00:31:08.390 --> 00:31:12.250 family, they say a lot the best recruitment tool 00:31:12.250 --> 00:31:15.069 is the firefighter themselves. And when everything 00:31:15.069 --> 00:31:17.130 is good and there's a good environment and you're 00:31:17.130 --> 00:31:20.390 supported well, we're shouting from the rooftops 00:31:20.390 --> 00:31:22.549 about how good it is. But it's sad because... 00:31:22.730 --> 00:31:25.210 As we've seen that deteriorate, it's been the 00:31:25.210 --> 00:31:27.589 opposite. Fathers aren't telling their sons and 00:31:27.589 --> 00:31:29.450 daughters to be firefighters as much. The same 00:31:29.450 --> 00:31:32.049 in the military. So I truly believe that we can 00:31:32.049 --> 00:31:34.690 turn it around and go back to that again because 00:31:34.690 --> 00:31:36.410 the profession hasn't changed. It's a calling. 00:31:36.509 --> 00:31:38.890 It's beautiful. But you've also got to give that 00:31:38.890 --> 00:31:41.109 environment where these men and women can go 00:31:41.109 --> 00:31:43.589 home to their families and not be forced to stay 00:31:43.589 --> 00:31:46.509 longer because of understaffing and mismanagement. 00:31:47.880 --> 00:31:50.440 you know if you're happy i think one of the reasons 00:31:50.440 --> 00:31:52.259 why my marriage was so successful was because 00:31:52.259 --> 00:31:55.140 i always did what i wanted to do and so i was 00:31:55.140 --> 00:31:59.119 always happy and my husband had the greatest 00:31:59.119 --> 00:32:01.579 job in the world if you asked him as a new york 00:32:01.579 --> 00:32:05.980 city firefighter and you know the guys individual 00:32:05.980 --> 00:32:09.720 to the firehouse make that the greatest job in 00:32:09.720 --> 00:32:12.799 the world like that internal family and that's 00:32:12.799 --> 00:32:15.579 what's so unique about being a firefighter And 00:32:15.579 --> 00:32:18.980 that's actually what I employed with my organization 00:32:18.980 --> 00:32:22.259 to help firefighters was kind of like the kitchen 00:32:22.259 --> 00:32:26.740 table attitude, not only for normalization, but 00:32:26.740 --> 00:32:30.299 for the hard talks. So we have that internal 00:32:30.299 --> 00:32:33.940 support system with a 343 fund. And yeah, the 00:32:33.940 --> 00:32:36.480 New York City Fire Department was a huge influence 00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:41.640 for the creation of that. Beautiful. You were 00:32:41.640 --> 00:32:44.839 with Casey before he became a firefighter. So 00:32:44.839 --> 00:32:48.859 what was your kind of observation of the changes 00:32:48.859 --> 00:32:52.160 and differences between pre -fire service and 00:32:52.160 --> 00:32:55.819 then when he was in the job? I got to like watch 00:32:55.819 --> 00:32:57.839 whatever I wanted to on TV when he spent the 00:32:57.839 --> 00:33:03.579 night at the firehouse. Yeah, I loved being, 00:33:03.660 --> 00:33:05.940 I don't even know what the differences were before. 00:33:06.519 --> 00:33:08.819 Life was really hard. I remember when he went, 00:33:08.819 --> 00:33:11.700 when he was a probie. uh just they don't get 00:33:11.700 --> 00:33:15.019 paid a lot of money and then um they you have 00:33:15.019 --> 00:33:17.539 to finagle life or like live with your mom and 00:33:17.539 --> 00:33:21.519 dad um they just make it super hard for you and 00:33:21.519 --> 00:33:23.759 then you have to live you know in a certain area 00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:27.720 and it's super expensive in new york so just 00:33:27.720 --> 00:33:30.819 a lot of suffering in the beginning um and a 00:33:30.819 --> 00:33:34.160 lot of really long hours and a lot of sacrifice 00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:37.019 you know not home on holidays you know when you're 00:33:37.019 --> 00:33:40.099 the junior guy you're Um, there's just a lot 00:33:40.099 --> 00:33:45.859 of giving up. Um, that said, I absolutely loved 00:33:45.859 --> 00:33:49.240 being a firefighter wife to the, to the point 00:33:49.240 --> 00:33:52.339 where I don't think I could ever live with somebody 00:33:52.339 --> 00:33:55.279 full time. Um, I think that would be just like, 00:33:55.339 --> 00:33:59.000 so I, a lot of the guys talk about, oh, the retirement 00:33:59.000 --> 00:34:03.519 factor and that being something. I always think 00:34:03.519 --> 00:34:05.420 about, you know, what would have happened when 00:34:05.420 --> 00:34:07.500 my marriage had been so good post -retirement, 00:34:07.619 --> 00:34:10.119 but we had a pretty good streak going. But now 00:34:10.119 --> 00:34:12.179 it is something that I think about all the time. 00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:15.119 I love my alone time and you have a different 00:34:15.119 --> 00:34:19.320 relationship with your kids. And for me, my kids 00:34:19.320 --> 00:34:21.940 actually just this morning, my youngest was talking 00:34:21.940 --> 00:34:26.579 about the difference in me and who I was before 00:34:26.579 --> 00:34:30.039 my husband died and the person that I am now. 00:34:30.420 --> 00:34:34.840 And, you know, And I've done a lot of mourning 00:34:34.840 --> 00:34:37.980 myself of that person. So when it comes up for 00:34:37.980 --> 00:34:40.820 my kids, I let them do that too. You know, just 00:34:40.820 --> 00:34:43.940 like talk about her because I do think it helps 00:34:43.940 --> 00:34:47.420 them process forward and also accept the role 00:34:47.420 --> 00:34:52.500 that I was forced into. Which area of New York 00:34:52.500 --> 00:34:55.099 was Casey working in and what kind of company 00:34:55.099 --> 00:35:00.269 was he in? Casey was in Ladder 137, Engine 268, 00:35:00.389 --> 00:35:03.449 Rockaway Beach, New York. He was also in the 00:35:03.449 --> 00:35:07.570 Surf Rescue Company, and then he was in the Mentor 00:35:07.570 --> 00:35:12.110 -Mentee Program. His favorite thing about being 00:35:12.110 --> 00:35:13.630 a New York City firefighter, I think besides 00:35:13.630 --> 00:35:17.750 putting out fires, was definitely being on the 00:35:17.750 --> 00:35:21.710 Surf Rescue Company. So, yeah, he rode his bike 00:35:21.710 --> 00:35:24.289 to work every day. It was 12 miles, door to door. 00:35:25.079 --> 00:35:28.519 From mainly a lot of boardwalk riding to from 00:35:28.519 --> 00:35:31.719 Long Beach, New York, straight to Rockaway Beach. 00:35:31.960 --> 00:35:37.820 So we had just a really good life. He had a great 00:35:37.820 --> 00:35:42.039 life and he loved his job so much. He loved being 00:35:42.039 --> 00:35:43.619 a New York City firefighter. He loved being an 00:35:43.619 --> 00:35:47.480 ocean lifeguard. So yeah, he saved a lot of lives 00:35:47.480 --> 00:35:49.739 when he was here. What are some of the notable 00:35:49.739 --> 00:35:56.679 rescues you remember when he was working? Just 00:35:56.679 --> 00:35:59.199 being married to him over the years, there was 00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:01.079 a lot of water rescues. We'd just be on vacation. 00:36:01.260 --> 00:36:03.500 One time we were in Cancun and we're sitting 00:36:03.500 --> 00:36:06.320 on the beach and I don't know what's going on. 00:36:06.400 --> 00:36:09.699 And he sits up and he's just looking pretty hard 00:36:09.699 --> 00:36:11.280 and he takes his sunglasses off and he puts them 00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:13.300 on the towel. And I'm like, what are you doing? 00:36:13.500 --> 00:36:16.559 He puts his cell phone down and he's like, oh, 00:36:16.639 --> 00:36:19.639 this guy's drowning. And I'm like, where? He's 00:36:19.639 --> 00:36:22.050 like, right out here. Do you see him? I'm like, 00:36:22.090 --> 00:36:23.210 he doesn't look like he's drowning. He's like, 00:36:23.250 --> 00:36:24.809 he is drowning. And I'm like, are you going to 00:36:24.809 --> 00:36:27.650 go get him? And he said, not yet. You have to 00:36:27.650 --> 00:36:29.670 let him marinate a little bit so that they're 00:36:29.670 --> 00:36:34.530 happy to see you. And then he just got up and 00:36:34.530 --> 00:36:36.650 ran in and then pulls this guy out and the whole 00:36:36.650 --> 00:36:40.130 family's like, oh my God. And he's just so nonchalant. 00:36:40.769 --> 00:36:44.409 And then another one was, we were, these are 00:36:44.409 --> 00:36:46.369 just not even on the job rescues. He also had 00:36:46.369 --> 00:36:50.309 two medals from the FDNY, but my most notable 00:36:50.309 --> 00:36:53.070 ones weren't. weren't during a fire because i 00:36:53.070 --> 00:36:57.449 didn't work with them but um he well he came 00:36:57.449 --> 00:37:01.489 in the room um just a few weeks before he died 00:37:01.489 --> 00:37:04.469 actually and he was just covered in blood and 00:37:04.469 --> 00:37:07.119 i I was on the phone with our oldest son. I said, 00:37:07.159 --> 00:37:09.800 what are you doing? What's going on and whose 00:37:09.800 --> 00:37:12.199 blood is that? And he's just super panicked. 00:37:12.219 --> 00:37:15.159 And he's like, where were you? And I said, I'm 00:37:15.159 --> 00:37:18.559 on the phone. And he goes, I have been screaming 00:37:18.559 --> 00:37:22.320 your name and I needed you. And I said, well, 00:37:22.360 --> 00:37:25.739 what happened? And he said, I just gave Steve 00:37:25.739 --> 00:37:29.860 mouth to mouth. This is his blood. Steve was 00:37:29.860 --> 00:37:31.780 our neighbor and he'd fallen down the stairs 00:37:31.780 --> 00:37:34.579 and he was a bigger man. And Casey said, I needed 00:37:34.579 --> 00:37:38.239 you to carry Steve down the stairs. And I, Steve 00:37:38.239 --> 00:37:42.780 is way too big for my one rep max deadlift. So 00:37:42.780 --> 00:37:46.400 I was like, Casey, I definitely couldn't carry 00:37:46.400 --> 00:37:49.679 Steve. And he was like. Yes, you could. And he 00:37:49.679 --> 00:37:51.960 was just so delusional about any of my abilities. 00:37:52.039 --> 00:37:54.960 But yeah, he gave Steve mouth to mouth until 00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:58.699 the paramedics came and he saved Steve's life. 00:37:58.760 --> 00:38:04.559 And Steve's wife put a sweet card, you know, 00:38:04.559 --> 00:38:07.599 in our mailbox, just thanking Casey. And, you 00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:09.139 know, that was just a few weeks before he died. 00:38:09.260 --> 00:38:12.739 So stuff like that happened on a regular with 00:38:12.739 --> 00:38:17.090 Casey. He was just. that person and he was so 00:38:17.090 --> 00:38:20.690 chill like right after he did it like superman 00:38:20.690 --> 00:38:24.590 style so it was fun to be married to him you 00:38:24.590 --> 00:38:27.510 mentioned one one rep max deadlift uh i know 00:38:27.510 --> 00:38:30.710 he was a crossfit um athlete as well talk to 00:38:30.710 --> 00:38:34.349 me about how that served him as far as lifeguarding 00:38:34.349 --> 00:38:37.809 and fire i mean i don't know if he was like i 00:38:37.809 --> 00:38:42.079 mean he did do crossfit at one point in his life, 00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:44.639 but I don't know if he, he was like just an engine 00:38:44.639 --> 00:38:47.639 workout guy. Like he loved hero workouts and 00:38:47.639 --> 00:38:52.079 he was a CrossFit coach. He coached at his local 00:38:52.079 --> 00:38:55.539 gym and he, I had a text message from him like 00:38:55.539 --> 00:38:57.679 the week before he died that, Hey, I'm not coming 00:38:57.679 --> 00:39:00.780 home after work. I'm going to the gym and I'm 00:39:00.780 --> 00:39:03.980 meeting one of the guys from work there. He always 00:39:03.980 --> 00:39:07.719 was recruiting new people to his CrossFit cult. 00:39:10.619 --> 00:39:14.360 Um, yeah, he just, it was a big part of our relationship 00:39:14.360 --> 00:39:16.820 at one point too. We did a lot of partner workouts 00:39:16.820 --> 00:39:21.059 and competitions and we both like to win and 00:39:21.059 --> 00:39:23.619 I worked harder for him than any other human 00:39:23.619 --> 00:39:27.480 on the planet. So yeah, it was fun to win with 00:39:27.480 --> 00:39:30.559 him and to compete with him and, um, try to keep 00:39:30.559 --> 00:39:33.340 up with them. So the guys would all come back 00:39:33.340 --> 00:39:35.559 from college, his favorite thing to do. He'd 00:39:35.559 --> 00:39:40.670 come home and he'd be like, yeah. The 20 -somethings 00:39:40.670 --> 00:39:42.510 just can't even catch me today. They're just 00:39:42.510 --> 00:39:44.690 trying to keep up with me on the board. And yeah, 00:39:44.769 --> 00:39:48.210 he needed that. And he had it. So it was fun 00:39:48.210 --> 00:39:51.309 to see that part of him, too, is always making 00:39:51.309 --> 00:39:53.329 people work harder. And when he was a coach, 00:39:53.510 --> 00:39:59.530 he was super stoic. But you knew he was hypercritical, 00:39:59.570 --> 00:40:03.969 too. So if he gave you a compliment, you know, 00:40:03.989 --> 00:40:07.909 he meant it. You were always working. Every person 00:40:07.909 --> 00:40:10.829 in the room when Casey was coaching was working 00:40:10.829 --> 00:40:15.750 for a look from him, a compliment and add a boy 00:40:15.750 --> 00:40:18.510 from him because when you got one, you knew he 00:40:18.510 --> 00:40:20.590 meant it and you knew you were doing a good job. 00:40:21.530 --> 00:40:25.409 Brilliant. Right. Well, let's go back to 11 -year 00:40:25.409 --> 00:40:27.530 -old you. You mentioned that back then there 00:40:27.530 --> 00:40:31.070 was the beginning signs of this illness and then 00:40:31.070 --> 00:40:33.590 walk me through all the way through to 2018 as 00:40:33.590 --> 00:40:39.719 far as the downward spiral. Yeah, so I had just 00:40:39.719 --> 00:40:41.780 started getting like these weird allergy symptoms 00:40:41.780 --> 00:40:43.679 and then like just being allergic to everything. 00:40:43.800 --> 00:40:45.320 And then I remember having to go get allergy 00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:47.880 tests, but I was eating a croissant roll that 00:40:47.880 --> 00:40:51.960 had like Velveeta cheese in it. I remember, you 00:40:51.960 --> 00:40:53.920 know, those like those crescent rolls that come 00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:56.119 in the tube. So I had made those for myself in 00:40:56.119 --> 00:40:58.519 the toaster oven. I just remember this like life 00:40:58.519 --> 00:41:01.440 event, scarring life event. And I got the worst 00:41:01.440 --> 00:41:04.449 stomach ache I've ever gotten in my life. after 00:41:04.449 --> 00:41:07.449 eating that and i went to the doctor and they 00:41:07.449 --> 00:41:10.230 told me i was lactose intolerant that day and 00:41:10.230 --> 00:41:14.070 that i couldn't have dairy anymore and yeah i 00:41:14.070 --> 00:41:16.469 go back to that moment a lot in my head without 00:41:16.469 --> 00:41:18.670 taking these pills so take these pills to eat 00:41:18.670 --> 00:41:22.269 this and i started allergy injections i started 00:41:22.269 --> 00:41:27.429 orthopedic surgeries at 14. um i had a bunch 00:41:27.429 --> 00:41:33.980 of those and um i I suspect my orthopedic issues 00:41:33.980 --> 00:41:38.239 and my sudden lactose intolerance came from Lyme 00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:40.920 disease back then. I'd been bit by a tick so 00:41:40.920 --> 00:41:44.679 many times. When I was young, I grew up in Oklahoma 00:41:44.679 --> 00:41:47.179 and we were outside all the time. So we would 00:41:47.179 --> 00:41:50.260 just take like burn ticks off each other or pull 00:41:50.260 --> 00:41:53.179 them off and throw them, you know. If I got bit 00:41:53.179 --> 00:41:55.659 by a tick today, I would put it in a bag. I would 00:41:55.659 --> 00:41:58.679 send the tick off to a lab to have it analyzed. 00:41:59.759 --> 00:42:02.659 So that I would know exactly what likely transferred 00:42:02.659 --> 00:42:06.039 into me. People don't understand that ticks carry 00:42:06.039 --> 00:42:11.079 over 200 diseases. And they think that they have 00:42:11.079 --> 00:42:15.500 to be on you for an amount of time. Or, you know, 00:42:15.500 --> 00:42:17.500 there has to be some sort of rash that comes 00:42:17.500 --> 00:42:22.099 up. And no, I kind of look at these people and 00:42:22.099 --> 00:42:24.800 just feel like, oh, you get an STD, you know, 00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:27.760 if it goes in for any amount of time. So it's 00:42:27.760 --> 00:42:29.519 not like, oh, they didn't have it in for an hour. 00:42:29.539 --> 00:42:33.440 You're safe. No, like they had it in. The tick 00:42:33.440 --> 00:42:37.179 bit you. There was a transfer. And please don't 00:42:37.179 --> 00:42:39.679 be naive, especially if you're talking to an 00:42:39.679 --> 00:42:42.960 uneducated doctor, which oftentimes people are. 00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:49.900 I rarely hear a doctor do the right thing or 00:42:49.900 --> 00:42:53.280 say the right thing when somebody is bit by a 00:42:53.280 --> 00:42:58.940 tick. And in 2025. That's terrifying. But Lyme 00:42:58.940 --> 00:43:03.480 disease creates a plethora of other diseases 00:43:03.480 --> 00:43:07.380 or non -diseases that they call diseases. And 00:43:07.380 --> 00:43:11.679 people get trapped on very harsh treatments that 00:43:11.679 --> 00:43:13.980 are very expensive and very hard on the body 00:43:13.980 --> 00:43:17.360 for a very long time. And they will never dig 00:43:17.360 --> 00:43:22.320 out of that issue. And they're going to think 00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:26.690 it's something else forever. was told I had fibromyalgia 00:43:26.690 --> 00:43:30.190 and that I needed orthopedic surgery for my back 00:43:30.190 --> 00:43:32.590 and my hip, reconstructive surgery. That would 00:43:32.590 --> 00:43:38.070 have ended any of my athletic days at 39 years 00:43:38.070 --> 00:43:41.929 old. I said no to those surgeries for the first 00:43:41.929 --> 00:43:44.869 time in my life. If it had been up to my parents, 00:43:44.929 --> 00:43:46.269 my parents were the type of people that just 00:43:46.269 --> 00:43:48.090 like trusted the doctor. Why not? You do what 00:43:48.090 --> 00:43:53.190 the doctor says. And I'm not a person that trusts 00:43:53.190 --> 00:43:56.610 the doctor at all. And you also have to understand 00:43:56.610 --> 00:43:59.690 that a lot of doctors could have been D students 00:43:59.690 --> 00:44:03.090 out there. So just because they have a piece 00:44:03.090 --> 00:44:07.070 of paper, you know, doesn't mean they know what's 00:44:07.070 --> 00:44:08.889 wrong with you or that they should be advising 00:44:08.889 --> 00:44:12.829 you at all. So yeah, I did a whole turnaround 00:44:12.829 --> 00:44:15.929 though for myself that involved like people say, 00:44:16.030 --> 00:44:19.329 what did you do to heal from Lyme disease? And 00:44:19.329 --> 00:44:21.429 now I eat cheese all the time, by the way, I'm 00:44:21.429 --> 00:44:24.880 not lactose intolerant. That was a lie. So. um 00:44:24.880 --> 00:44:29.519 i eat whatever i want whenever i want and i don't 00:44:29.519 --> 00:44:37.159 have any issues um but that took a incredibly 00:44:37.159 --> 00:44:42.539 long time to re -regulate my entire system from 00:44:42.539 --> 00:44:46.260 the ground up with what you mentioned um from 00:44:46.260 --> 00:44:49.059 diet to the water that i was ingesting i didn't 00:44:49.059 --> 00:44:51.179 know anything about water and keeping my body 00:44:51.179 --> 00:44:54.260 alkaline If somebody told me I had cancer today, 00:44:54.420 --> 00:44:57.280 I would do three things. I would test my water 00:44:57.280 --> 00:45:00.280 to make sure it was hydrogenated and alkaline. 00:45:00.320 --> 00:45:05.059 And I would get access to an HBOT and I would 00:45:05.059 --> 00:45:09.099 order Bs to begin B venom immediately. And there's 00:45:09.099 --> 00:45:12.199 absolutely no way they would ever put chemotherapy 00:45:12.199 --> 00:45:17.380 in my body. Yeah, I've said the same thing simply 00:45:17.380 --> 00:45:22.619 because when I look at, especially chemo, The 00:45:22.619 --> 00:45:24.639 concept, basically, I know it's getting better 00:45:24.639 --> 00:45:26.860 now in immunotherapy. They're starting to be 00:45:26.860 --> 00:45:29.900 more precise. But the old chemo, it was like, 00:45:29.900 --> 00:45:31.679 all right, we're just going to control or delete 00:45:31.679 --> 00:45:33.780 the whole body. And fingers crossed, the good 00:45:33.780 --> 00:45:35.960 stuff comes back. And it just doesn't, as someone 00:45:35.960 --> 00:45:38.320 who was in medicine, it makes no sense whatsoever. 00:45:39.300 --> 00:45:41.519 You know what does do that, though? Bee venom. 00:45:41.880 --> 00:45:43.900 Oh, really? Educate me more on that because I've 00:45:43.900 --> 00:45:45.659 never heard that mentioned as far as cancer before. 00:45:46.650 --> 00:45:49.630 So it control all deletes everything and then 00:45:49.630 --> 00:45:53.269 it does rebuild healthy cells. So it's been used 00:45:53.269 --> 00:45:56.730 since the ancient Egyptian times. We know that. 00:45:57.179 --> 00:45:59.960 And yeah, they've never been able to replicate 00:45:59.960 --> 00:46:02.539 it. There's something about being stung by a 00:46:02.539 --> 00:46:06.099 bee and for about the next 15 minutes after the 00:46:06.099 --> 00:46:08.840 stinger actually pumps the application of the 00:46:08.840 --> 00:46:12.079 venom into your body. And that is a bee sacrifice 00:46:12.079 --> 00:46:15.059 to us. And I just don't think that our creator 00:46:15.059 --> 00:46:20.360 did that for no reason. So yeah, it's been shown 00:46:20.360 --> 00:46:25.280 in scientific studies to kill breast cancer cells 00:46:25.280 --> 00:46:29.989 for sure. And I used it wholly, head to toe, 00:46:30.090 --> 00:46:33.510 to rebuild my entire system. I did it for about 00:46:33.510 --> 00:46:38.250 15 months. And a lot of the person, the scientists 00:46:38.250 --> 00:46:42.130 that trained me on it, had used it for rheumatoid 00:46:42.130 --> 00:46:44.070 arthritis himself. And he told me something so 00:46:44.070 --> 00:46:45.969 interesting. I said, oh, did the people that 00:46:45.969 --> 00:46:47.750 you helped, they call you and be like, oh, my 00:46:47.750 --> 00:46:49.809 God, you saved my life? And blah, blah, blah. 00:46:49.889 --> 00:46:51.409 And he said, no, I don't ever really hear from 00:46:51.409 --> 00:46:54.789 them. And he told me that people forget what 00:46:54.789 --> 00:46:58.440 saved them. And I thought that was super interesting. 00:47:00.539 --> 00:47:03.380 Interesting indeed. Yeah. So you've got the bee 00:47:03.380 --> 00:47:06.039 venom. You're looking at obviously the alkalinity 00:47:06.039 --> 00:47:09.079 of the water. What were you changing as far as 00:47:09.079 --> 00:47:12.219 nutrition in your diet? Everything. I went to 00:47:12.219 --> 00:47:14.559 an Ayurvedic diet. I figured out what my dosha 00:47:14.559 --> 00:47:17.539 was. If people listening don't know what their 00:47:17.539 --> 00:47:21.940 dosha is, that's okay. They can go online for 00:47:21.940 --> 00:47:24.239 like a free dosha test. And it just kind of tells 00:47:24.239 --> 00:47:29.000 you your body type. But more than that, I was 00:47:29.000 --> 00:47:33.119 able to switch seasonally to other things when 00:47:33.119 --> 00:47:35.699 I needed different things. Like when I needed 00:47:35.699 --> 00:47:40.079 more grounding, I would eat potatoes. It's pretty 00:47:40.079 --> 00:47:43.300 easy when you start thinking about it. It's a 00:47:43.300 --> 00:47:47.280 diet based on the elements and then eating based 00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:52.480 on your... your ailments. So, uh, I kept my body 00:47:52.480 --> 00:47:55.880 completely alkaline. Um, a lot of kitchery was 00:47:55.880 --> 00:47:59.239 eaten. I had no idea what that was before. Um, 00:47:59.400 --> 00:48:03.400 but I got to learn about it and turmeric and 00:48:03.400 --> 00:48:07.780 cumin and all of these spices that aren't traditionally 00:48:07.780 --> 00:48:11.579 in a Western diet that I implement into my diet 00:48:11.579 --> 00:48:16.519 daily now. So. How did that lead you to the world 00:48:16.519 --> 00:48:20.280 of psychedelics? Oh, yoga, right? Isn't that 00:48:20.280 --> 00:48:26.159 the gateway drug? I actually, I couldn't do CrossFit. 00:48:26.179 --> 00:48:28.840 I had a PICC line in my arm and I needed to start 00:48:28.840 --> 00:48:32.300 working out again because I knew, and that's 00:48:32.300 --> 00:48:35.300 one thing about chronic disease, like you, sweating 00:48:35.300 --> 00:48:38.739 is a huge part of your detox, huge part of detox 00:48:38.739 --> 00:48:40.800 pathways. So if I couldn't work out, I would 00:48:40.800 --> 00:48:44.119 sit in an infrared sauna. And if I could work 00:48:44.119 --> 00:48:49.469 out, I would do yoga. So I hate yoga so much, 00:48:49.469 --> 00:48:53.469 like to this day. But I do yoga because I need 00:48:53.469 --> 00:48:57.769 it. And just like the fascia release from it 00:48:57.769 --> 00:49:04.349 helped me so much. And within the walls of the 00:49:04.349 --> 00:49:07.949 yoga studio, I found my teacher who taught me 00:49:07.949 --> 00:49:11.869 about Ayurvedic and helped me with recipes and 00:49:11.869 --> 00:49:14.690 educated me on that, you know, before there was 00:49:14.690 --> 00:49:20.610 chat GBT. And, yeah, it really got me disciplined 00:49:20.610 --> 00:49:25.989 and a disciplined mindset and introduced me to 00:49:25.989 --> 00:49:31.469 a practitioner who served combo. That's also 00:49:31.469 --> 00:49:34.769 been shown to kill cancer. That's probably actually 00:49:34.769 --> 00:49:37.469 the four things I would do. I would do HBOT, 00:49:37.510 --> 00:49:43.969 these things, combo, and a diet change. with 00:49:43.969 --> 00:49:47.909 water, alkaline water. But Combo does the same 00:49:47.909 --> 00:49:51.070 things on scientific studies, killing cancer 00:49:51.070 --> 00:49:54.369 cells. It's jungle medicine. It is legal in the 00:49:54.369 --> 00:49:57.170 United States. It's not any fun. It has nothing 00:49:57.170 --> 00:49:59.369 to do with psychedelics. But the practitioner 00:49:59.369 --> 00:50:04.190 that taught me how to serve myself, Combo, introduced 00:50:04.190 --> 00:50:11.730 me to a compound called Iboga. That's a plant. 00:50:11.969 --> 00:50:15.050 And it comes from Bon, Africa, from the Bawiti 00:50:15.050 --> 00:50:19.710 tribe. And we're working really hard in the United 00:50:19.710 --> 00:50:22.230 States right now on a state -by -state basis 00:50:22.230 --> 00:50:27.769 to get it medical access to this compound. It 00:50:27.769 --> 00:50:31.210 has been put on the Stage 1 Controlled Substance 00:50:31.210 --> 00:50:35.030 List. I'm sorry, Schedule A Controlled Substance 00:50:35.030 --> 00:50:40.409 List. And it's wrongfully there. It is not an 00:50:40.409 --> 00:50:42.909 addictive substance and it has scientifically 00:50:42.909 --> 00:50:46.230 been proven to regenerate white matter in the 00:50:46.230 --> 00:50:50.210 brain. And it's been a huge part of my healing. 00:50:51.010 --> 00:50:54.329 I did a very dangerous living room iboga journey 00:50:54.329 --> 00:50:57.869 when I was bedridden with Lyme disease and Babesia 00:50:57.869 --> 00:51:00.329 and Bartonella and relapsing fever, Borrelia 00:51:00.329 --> 00:51:02.929 and mold toxicity and Morgellons disease and 00:51:02.929 --> 00:51:07.079 heavy metal poisoning. But after the first, after 00:51:07.079 --> 00:51:10.800 12 hours of living in my boga with some dude 00:51:10.800 --> 00:51:12.840 from California that's no longer on this planet, 00:51:12.960 --> 00:51:19.760 I fell asleep for the first time in my life without 00:51:19.760 --> 00:51:22.679 any thoughts, racing thoughts, without thinking 00:51:22.679 --> 00:51:25.360 of plan A, B, C, D, what I have to do tomorrow, 00:51:25.480 --> 00:51:28.440 the day after that, the day after that. And I 00:51:28.440 --> 00:51:31.440 slept like a baby for eight hours. And I knew 00:51:31.440 --> 00:51:33.719 that it was because of that substance. I haven't 00:51:33.719 --> 00:51:36.659 taken a Xanax since. I've been free from an Adderall 00:51:36.659 --> 00:51:40.039 addiction. I've been free from a toxic relationship 00:51:40.039 --> 00:51:46.519 with alcohol. And I have not been sick since 00:51:46.519 --> 00:51:50.079 that living room Iboga journey. Now, have you 00:51:50.079 --> 00:51:52.480 just done one and done or have you done it other 00:51:52.480 --> 00:51:58.360 times since? So, no, I haven't been one and done. 00:51:58.420 --> 00:52:02.340 And I don't, to me, this isn't a one and done 00:52:02.340 --> 00:52:06.059 game. I say this is a, you know, you ever paid 00:52:06.059 --> 00:52:08.719 to get your car detailed? It's super expensive. 00:52:09.139 --> 00:52:11.139 And you got to give your car up for a while. 00:52:11.699 --> 00:52:13.980 And they got to take all the seats out. And then 00:52:13.980 --> 00:52:15.980 you're super careful when you get your car back. 00:52:16.519 --> 00:52:19.400 But, like, you need to either go get your car 00:52:19.400 --> 00:52:21.179 detailed again eventually if you don't get a 00:52:21.179 --> 00:52:25.170 new car. We're not getting a new car. and, or 00:52:25.170 --> 00:52:27.750 get your rags out and learn how to clean your 00:52:27.750 --> 00:52:30.309 car at home, you know, with different things. 00:52:30.409 --> 00:52:32.369 So I don't know how long you can do that. I can't 00:52:32.369 --> 00:52:34.309 clean my car at home for very long before I need 00:52:34.309 --> 00:52:36.829 to go back and get it detailed. So I guess it's 00:52:36.829 --> 00:52:41.309 just however you take care of your car. I've 00:52:41.309 --> 00:52:43.989 had a few journeys. I just went back actually 00:52:43.989 --> 00:52:47.190 last week for some cognitive stuff, leftover 00:52:47.190 --> 00:52:49.719 cognitive issues from I've been dealing with 00:52:49.719 --> 00:52:52.780 since Lyme disease. I had like pretty severe 00:52:52.780 --> 00:52:55.400 neurological dysfunction with it. I lost the 00:52:55.400 --> 00:52:59.000 ability to speak and say words. And I would be 00:52:59.000 --> 00:53:02.219 driving to my son's school or to my business 00:53:02.219 --> 00:53:06.179 and I would pass it. And I would say, I have 00:53:06.179 --> 00:53:09.519 no idea where I'm going. And for a long time, 00:53:09.539 --> 00:53:11.900 I thought, oh my God, I have early onset dementia 00:53:11.900 --> 00:53:14.280 until somebody told me that dementia is like 00:53:14.280 --> 00:53:17.329 you're, you have the, you're. your keys in your 00:53:17.329 --> 00:53:19.869 hand and you don't know you have a car, you know? 00:53:19.869 --> 00:53:22.070 And so that made me feel so much better, but 00:53:22.070 --> 00:53:26.030 I definitely was having major cognitive dysfunction 00:53:26.030 --> 00:53:31.769 and short -term memory loss that I have been 00:53:31.769 --> 00:53:35.809 working on. I had gone for medicine. I go to 00:53:35.809 --> 00:53:40.250 Ambio Life Sciences in Tijuana, Mexico for Ibogaine 00:53:40.250 --> 00:53:45.599 therapy. I think that they're the safest. I trust 00:53:45.599 --> 00:53:50.980 them with my life and anyone else's. But yeah, 00:53:51.059 --> 00:53:58.239 it's like I now do it probably once a year. I 00:53:58.239 --> 00:54:01.139 don't know how long I'll keep that trend up because 00:54:01.139 --> 00:54:07.239 it's a really difficult medicine to journey with. 00:54:08.429 --> 00:54:10.610 And you can't guarantee what's going to happen 00:54:10.610 --> 00:54:14.130 to you. And you can't guarantee how long the 00:54:14.130 --> 00:54:16.710 suffering is going to be the day after. I'm a 00:54:16.710 --> 00:54:20.630 person that seems to get off fairly easily without 00:54:20.630 --> 00:54:22.889 suffering on what is traditionally known as a 00:54:22.889 --> 00:54:26.710 gray day. But I still am in a human body that 00:54:26.710 --> 00:54:28.750 likes to have a lot of control. And you can't 00:54:28.750 --> 00:54:31.630 control what happens when you get on the roller 00:54:31.630 --> 00:54:34.730 coaster there. So yeah, there's a bit of fear 00:54:34.730 --> 00:54:39.000 that always comes to the forefront. When I'm, 00:54:39.000 --> 00:54:43.940 I'm about to journey with Ibogaine, but it's 00:54:43.940 --> 00:54:45.980 broken me free of so many addictive patterns. 00:54:46.059 --> 00:54:48.260 And when I talk to people that are, were former 00:54:48.260 --> 00:54:51.199 addicts and they seem to like have things under 00:54:51.199 --> 00:54:53.559 control, they say to me, well, like, why would 00:54:53.559 --> 00:54:56.579 I go do a drug to, if I already have this under 00:54:56.579 --> 00:55:00.280 control? And I, in my response to that is like, 00:55:00.280 --> 00:55:03.039 do, if, if you have it under control because 00:55:03.039 --> 00:55:06.849 you're having to restrain yourself. You know, 00:55:06.849 --> 00:55:10.670 that's like tying a leash around a dog that's 00:55:10.670 --> 00:55:12.989 not trained and being like, well, this is under 00:55:12.989 --> 00:55:15.070 control. You know, I would rather go tame the 00:55:15.070 --> 00:55:19.909 beast personally and like absolve myself of that 00:55:19.909 --> 00:55:23.230 pattern. And psychedelics are the only way that 00:55:23.230 --> 00:55:28.829 we have found that we can successfully re -pattern 00:55:28.829 --> 00:55:32.940 our brain. for positivity so the fact that like 00:55:32.940 --> 00:55:36.460 i can now like i could go have a alcoholic beverage 00:55:36.460 --> 00:55:39.780 with my oldest son you know to celebrate his 00:55:39.780 --> 00:55:41.780 birthday that was the last time i probably had 00:55:41.780 --> 00:55:46.489 one um and i can have one And I don't need to 00:55:46.489 --> 00:55:49.869 have any more than that. And I also tell myself 00:55:49.869 --> 00:55:52.250 and anybody else who drinks an alcoholic beverage 00:55:52.250 --> 00:55:54.510 and says anything but that is just lying to themselves. 00:55:54.690 --> 00:55:57.170 But I tell myself the truth and I say, I'm poisoning 00:55:57.170 --> 00:55:59.630 my body right now with this decision. But my 00:55:59.630 --> 00:56:02.769 body is this incredible machine that can support 00:56:02.769 --> 00:56:06.730 me and detox this out. And I take the proper 00:56:06.730 --> 00:56:09.650 protocol, post that to aid in my detox, like 00:56:09.650 --> 00:56:11.849 glutathione before I go to bed, even if I just 00:56:11.849 --> 00:56:15.320 have one. yeah it's maybe a once or twice a year 00:56:15.320 --> 00:56:20.340 thing and it was my tool to get through life 00:56:20.340 --> 00:56:23.519 prior to me being able to break that pattern 00:56:23.519 --> 00:56:26.500 with ibogaine it seems from the addiction point 00:56:26.500 --> 00:56:28.860 of view i've had so many navy seals on here talking 00:56:28.860 --> 00:56:31.920 about that marcus capone obviously created vets 00:56:31.920 --> 00:56:35.019 after his experience um but it seems like it 00:56:35.019 --> 00:56:37.519 just resets receptors so whether it's sugar or 00:56:37.519 --> 00:56:39.480 caffeine or alcohol or whatever the thing is 00:56:39.480 --> 00:56:42.239 when your body is said, oh, I like, you know, 00:56:42.260 --> 00:56:44.840 level 10 of this substance, then you're going 00:56:44.840 --> 00:56:47.340 to crave level 10. But if it's completely wiping 00:56:47.340 --> 00:56:50.400 it clean, it seems like the craving has gone. 00:56:50.500 --> 00:56:53.039 And maybe, as you said, the accumulation of stress 00:56:53.039 --> 00:56:55.980 and life issues start to push that up to one 00:56:55.980 --> 00:56:59.119 and two. And some people seem to need to do another 00:56:59.119 --> 00:57:01.039 one. But then I've had other people that have 00:57:01.039 --> 00:57:04.389 done the ayahuasca side and Ibogaine. And now 00:57:04.389 --> 00:57:07.230 they're starting to understand, well, as you 00:57:07.230 --> 00:57:09.050 said, with the rag at home, how can I get really 00:57:09.050 --> 00:57:11.389 good at detailing my car so I don't need to keep 00:57:11.389 --> 00:57:13.610 going back? So there's one called the Wisdom 00:57:13.610 --> 00:57:17.389 Dojo, one of my friends goes to. And so that's 00:57:17.389 --> 00:57:19.469 what's really interesting now is that we realize 00:57:19.469 --> 00:57:22.389 this is working. But then right now, what's that 00:57:22.389 --> 00:57:25.789 post session looking like physically, emotionally, 00:57:26.369 --> 00:57:29.170 mentally? How can we keep kind of re -upping 00:57:29.170 --> 00:57:31.090 on this so you don't have to keep going through 00:57:31.090 --> 00:57:34.440 journey after journey after journey? Yeah, so 00:57:34.440 --> 00:57:37.019 there's that integration part. I'm familiar with 00:57:37.019 --> 00:57:41.099 the Wisdom Dojo. Isn't that Moose? That sounds 00:57:41.099 --> 00:57:43.639 familiar. Yeah, Kagan Gill was the friend of 00:57:43.639 --> 00:57:45.659 mine that had gone through it. And I forget the 00:57:45.659 --> 00:57:47.119 name of the person that founded it, but it may 00:57:47.119 --> 00:57:51.860 well be. Okay, yeah. I hear great things about 00:57:51.860 --> 00:57:56.019 that. So yeah, supportive container. It's also, 00:57:56.159 --> 00:57:59.000 okay, for somebody like a first responder, let's 00:57:59.000 --> 00:58:03.260 talk about that. I myself... I'm not a first 00:58:03.260 --> 00:58:06.659 responder, but I have had more than two trauma 00:58:06.659 --> 00:58:09.059 incidents in my life. So I'm an above average 00:58:09.059 --> 00:58:13.820 trauma human. And what can those look like? Well, 00:58:13.920 --> 00:58:16.480 just ask any traumatized human. They can probably 00:58:16.480 --> 00:58:20.559 tell you what they went through. But first responders 00:58:20.559 --> 00:58:25.679 go through 4 ,000. um, traumatic events, you 00:58:25.679 --> 00:58:28.880 know, their, their job full -time is to respond 00:58:28.880 --> 00:58:32.880 to trauma, to our trauma. So all of that gets 00:58:32.880 --> 00:58:35.400 compartmentalized. So I feel like I just recently 00:58:35.400 --> 00:58:38.559 had a first responder, uh, and he was, he went 00:58:38.559 --> 00:58:42.920 through, um, three Ibogaine journeys and two 00:58:42.920 --> 00:58:46.260 Ayahuasca journeys, you know? So there's, uh, 00:58:46.440 --> 00:58:50.420 so many journeys this guy goes on and why did 00:58:50.420 --> 00:58:52.480 he keep going through all these journeys and 00:58:52.480 --> 00:58:55.510 did it work? Okay. He kept going through all 00:58:55.510 --> 00:59:00.949 of these journeys because the reason why you're 00:59:00.949 --> 00:59:05.230 going on these journeys is to discover self -love. 00:59:05.630 --> 00:59:10.150 So he had discovered self -love, but then he 00:59:10.150 --> 00:59:13.829 absolutely couldn't implement it for himself. 00:59:14.150 --> 00:59:18.820 So he remained. suicidal. He remained with suicidal 00:59:18.820 --> 00:59:22.139 ideations and he remained not wanting to be here. 00:59:22.239 --> 00:59:25.579 And he remained in his story of suffering that 00:59:25.579 --> 00:59:28.559 anybody he told would have said, Oh my God, this 00:59:28.559 --> 00:59:30.360 is what you've been through. You poor guy, you 00:59:30.360 --> 00:59:35.179 know, but I knew that he was going to break free. 00:59:35.320 --> 00:59:37.840 I knew that like there would be a psychedelic 00:59:37.840 --> 00:59:40.739 journey that would be the tipping point for him. 00:59:40.920 --> 00:59:44.039 Um, which is why I supported him wholly, like 00:59:44.039 --> 00:59:48.079 through his entire. journey and gave him a container 00:59:48.079 --> 00:59:52.139 of support that he still utilizes. And I was 00:59:52.139 --> 00:59:54.960 privileged to be with him at the moment that 00:59:54.960 --> 01:00:00.539 he released his story. So do you have to use 01:00:00.539 --> 01:00:03.719 psychedelics to release your story? No. You can 01:00:03.719 --> 01:00:07.280 use something like the Landmark Forum. Maybe 01:00:07.280 --> 01:00:10.119 you want to go sit in a chair and get mentally 01:00:10.119 --> 01:00:13.639 beat up for 36 hours. But you need to do something. 01:00:14.360 --> 01:00:19.619 That is going to beat you down mentally so that 01:00:19.619 --> 01:00:24.780 you can say this pattern that I love and I'm 01:00:24.780 --> 01:00:26.840 so familiar with and I'm so comfortable with 01:00:26.840 --> 01:00:29.980 that is not good for me and it is not serving 01:00:29.980 --> 01:00:34.900 me needs to change. And the only way to do that 01:00:34.900 --> 01:00:39.659 is to rewire your thought patterns. The quickest 01:00:39.659 --> 01:00:43.760 way to do that is... psychedelics. The other 01:00:43.760 --> 01:00:46.980 super fast way to do that is breathwork. For 01:00:46.980 --> 01:00:52.179 some people, psychedelics are easier to do than 01:00:52.179 --> 01:00:54.420 commit themselves to a meditation and breathwork 01:00:54.420 --> 01:00:58.400 practice. For me, I like to get my rag out in 01:00:58.400 --> 01:01:03.840 between journeys and my hose and I have a pretty 01:01:03.840 --> 01:01:08.119 intense self -care ritual pattern that I do every 01:01:08.119 --> 01:01:13.250 week that It has breath work, meditation, chiropractic 01:01:13.250 --> 01:01:18.130 care, acupuncture, cupping, working out, and 01:01:18.130 --> 01:01:23.909 infrared saunas. So that's what I do so that 01:01:23.909 --> 01:01:27.829 I don't have to go through the car wash too often. 01:01:27.929 --> 01:01:31.409 But that said, I'm not afraid to drop my car 01:01:31.409 --> 01:01:34.519 off and get detailed either. What about on the 01:01:34.519 --> 01:01:37.340 physical side? You know, what did you start seeing 01:01:37.340 --> 01:01:39.760 as far as the resolution of symptoms that you 01:01:39.760 --> 01:01:44.940 had for so long? Yeah, I had, I mean, it's crazy. 01:01:45.019 --> 01:01:47.320 I have to say this. What I had is controversial, 01:01:47.679 --> 01:01:50.719 but I had a piriformis nerve impingement. Apparently, 01:01:50.719 --> 01:01:53.420 that's a controversial diagnosis. But as a person 01:01:53.420 --> 01:01:55.800 that lived in nerve pain for months, I can tell 01:01:55.800 --> 01:01:58.340 you the pain wasn't controversial. It was happening 01:01:58.340 --> 01:02:03.280 and it was very real. I had left side scoliosis, 01:02:03.420 --> 01:02:06.860 spinal stenosis, degenerative disc disease, a 01:02:06.860 --> 01:02:09.119 piriformis nerve impingement. And I was told 01:02:09.119 --> 01:02:11.739 that I needed, oh, and two fully bulged herniated 01:02:11.739 --> 01:02:17.079 discs, my L5S1 and whatever the one is above 01:02:17.079 --> 01:02:24.380 it. So I declined surgery. And I also had a right 01:02:24.380 --> 01:02:27.900 side labral tear that I got gaslit about that 01:02:27.900 --> 01:02:30.940 a doctor told me I didn't have. But then. I did. 01:02:31.239 --> 01:02:33.619 But apparently I could move my body into a position 01:02:33.619 --> 01:02:35.260 that I shouldn't be able to with the labral tear. 01:02:35.400 --> 01:02:36.900 And that's how I came to that diagnosis. But 01:02:36.900 --> 01:02:41.420 I later had an MRI that showed it. And I am completely 01:02:41.420 --> 01:02:48.559 out of pain from all of said things and haven't 01:02:48.559 --> 01:02:52.960 taken, I think I've taken like two ibuprofen 01:02:52.960 --> 01:02:56.699 in the last three years. So I don't have any 01:02:56.699 --> 01:03:01.719 issues. I also have a fairly, I'm a science experiment 01:03:01.719 --> 01:03:05.300 and I do peptides. So that's how I've been avoiding 01:03:05.300 --> 01:03:08.719 all my arthritic symptoms is actually just BPC 01:03:08.719 --> 01:03:12.960 -157. So it's kind of a little magic. I swear 01:03:12.960 --> 01:03:15.619 by him. I use Transcend and that's literally, 01:03:15.719 --> 01:03:20.179 I had a few because I was wanting to boost my 01:03:20.179 --> 01:03:23.079 natural testosterone, not TRT, but the ones that 01:03:23.079 --> 01:03:25.480 boost your own. And I actually came off all of 01:03:25.480 --> 01:03:27.579 them. I was kind of a science experiment as well. 01:03:27.639 --> 01:03:30.489 It put me. way too high up because my natural 01:03:30.489 --> 01:03:33.150 tea was actually pretty good for a firefighter 01:03:33.150 --> 01:03:35.809 but then i tapered off and i've come off completely 01:03:35.809 --> 01:03:38.590 which is great as well because now people that 01:03:38.590 --> 01:03:41.429 need a little boost unlike trt where you're going 01:03:41.429 --> 01:03:43.789 to have to take it forever with the peptides 01:03:43.789 --> 01:03:46.130 you can take them and then come off and the only 01:03:46.130 --> 01:03:48.730 what are you what are you using for that what 01:03:48.730 --> 01:03:50.550 peptide or what peptide did you use that was 01:03:50.550 --> 01:03:52.849 the one that i was left with the main one was 01:03:52.849 --> 01:03:56.389 a clomiphene okay yeah yeah and it worked really 01:03:56.389 --> 01:03:59.599 well but i just didn't I needed it just to get 01:03:59.599 --> 01:04:02.719 me up to kind of counter the damage of 14 years 01:04:02.719 --> 01:04:05.659 in the fire service doing shift work. But once 01:04:05.659 --> 01:04:07.280 it got up there, I'm like, well, let me come 01:04:07.280 --> 01:04:09.639 up. My whole thing is that we ultimately should 01:04:09.639 --> 01:04:11.760 not have to take anything when we get back to 01:04:11.760 --> 01:04:14.179 where we need to be. So you can't do that without 01:04:14.179 --> 01:04:16.739 an exit strategy. And so, yeah, it's been about 01:04:16.739 --> 01:04:18.940 three months off it and I've still retained the 01:04:18.940 --> 01:04:22.780 same body weight and strength. you know um still 01:04:22.780 --> 01:04:25.019 like like you said work in progress is still 01:04:25.019 --> 01:04:27.480 meditation and all kinds of other things to kind 01:04:27.480 --> 01:04:30.000 of calm the monkey mind but um and then work 01:04:30.000 --> 01:04:33.000 on sleep quality but as far as physically um 01:04:33.000 --> 01:04:36.219 it's it's incredible but at 51 years old the 01:04:36.219 --> 01:04:39.320 bpc 157 just helps when i get kind of flare ups 01:04:39.320 --> 01:04:42.579 with with joint pain so i can keep moving and 01:04:42.579 --> 01:04:45.179 then that ultimately addresses the joint pain 01:04:45.759 --> 01:04:47.639 Yeah. I mean, they're never, I don't see them 01:04:47.639 --> 01:04:50.179 ever being like, oh yeah, you can just go get 01:04:50.179 --> 01:04:51.880 BPC. Can you imagine if we could just go get 01:04:51.880 --> 01:04:54.880 BPC 157 at an orthopedist office instead of getting 01:04:54.880 --> 01:04:58.019 our bodies cut open? You know, but unfortunately 01:04:58.019 --> 01:05:01.219 I could go into an orthopedics office and get 01:05:01.219 --> 01:05:04.719 surgery approvals, but I couldn't get anything 01:05:04.719 --> 01:05:06.920 approved for what I needed to treat Lyme disease. 01:05:07.260 --> 01:05:10.619 So it was just, it was such a comedy of errors, 01:05:10.679 --> 01:05:14.059 especially pre -2020 that I went through. So 01:05:14.059 --> 01:05:16.980 like, i feel like talking now especially men's 01:05:16.980 --> 01:05:18.739 hormone levels because that's something that 01:05:18.739 --> 01:05:21.639 i feel like men are a little bit like shameful 01:05:21.639 --> 01:05:24.760 to talk about like low testosterone and everything 01:05:24.760 --> 01:05:27.119 so knowing that there's like peptides out there 01:05:27.119 --> 01:05:30.739 that that you can try to access that before you 01:05:30.739 --> 01:05:34.900 go on hrt or something like that um i think what 01:05:34.900 --> 01:05:38.780 you said is right i think that we if we regulate 01:05:38.780 --> 01:05:42.929 ourselves and get our machine adjusted the way 01:05:42.929 --> 01:05:45.429 that we need to, that we can regulate anything 01:05:45.429 --> 01:05:47.570 within our own system. And it doesn't really 01:05:47.570 --> 01:05:51.110 matter what age we're at. And I know that's true 01:05:51.110 --> 01:05:53.949 because I've gotten rid of everything that they 01:05:53.949 --> 01:05:57.210 said I couldn't get rid of. So I'm just not a 01:05:57.210 --> 01:06:00.309 very valuable human right now in that world. 01:06:01.690 --> 01:06:03.809 Well, I've always said this too, and it is a 01:06:03.809 --> 01:06:06.989 conspiracy because we know. The mentality of 01:06:06.989 --> 01:06:08.650 some of these people in the healthcare world, 01:06:08.710 --> 01:06:11.289 like the cyclists behind Purdue Pharma, for example, 01:06:11.329 --> 01:06:13.510 with OxyContin, there are some horrible people, 01:06:13.610 --> 01:06:16.210 you know, who ultimately are broken people that 01:06:16.210 --> 01:06:17.829 if they just did their own healing would probably 01:06:17.829 --> 01:06:19.949 become very altruistic and want to make the world 01:06:19.949 --> 01:06:22.750 better. But that being said, right now, they're 01:06:22.750 --> 01:06:25.429 preying upon the weak and there's no money in 01:06:25.429 --> 01:06:27.769 dead people and there's no money in healthy people. 01:06:28.269 --> 01:06:30.269 but you have an addict for life. There's so much 01:06:30.269 --> 01:06:33.309 money in healthy people though, you know, because 01:06:33.309 --> 01:06:36.110 I'm going to buy all the blood tests. I'm going 01:06:36.110 --> 01:06:38.170 to like longevity is a huge industry and there's 01:06:38.170 --> 01:06:42.150 actually so much money in the psychedelic industry. 01:06:42.230 --> 01:06:44.210 I think they said it was slated to be an $11 01:06:44.210 --> 01:06:50.670 .8 billion industry by 2029. So hopefully knowing 01:06:50.670 --> 01:06:53.650 how our politicians operate, it can be on the 01:06:53.650 --> 01:06:55.730 backs of that, that we actually get some healing 01:06:55.730 --> 01:07:00.519 for people because. We have been grossly sold 01:07:00.519 --> 01:07:05.199 out by our legislators and we have been kept 01:07:05.199 --> 01:07:10.559 from our full potential as human beings and picked 01:07:10.559 --> 01:07:15.380 off, frankly. And they owe a huge debt to us. 01:07:16.079 --> 01:07:19.360 And, you know, I think the American people are 01:07:19.360 --> 01:07:23.679 tired of the abuse that we've been suffering 01:07:23.679 --> 01:07:26.059 at their hands. And if they don't watch it, I 01:07:26.059 --> 01:07:28.010 mean, we might get our pitchforks out. Because 01:07:28.010 --> 01:07:30.190 I'm ready to do that if they don't make some 01:07:30.190 --> 01:07:33.110 change here. I've said the same thing. Torches 01:07:33.110 --> 01:07:34.889 and pitchforks. I mean, basically, you know, 01:07:34.909 --> 01:07:38.829 if we keep getting the same kind of person every 01:07:38.829 --> 01:07:41.349 four years, and the perfect example is the obesity 01:07:41.349 --> 01:07:44.869 crisis. That's either side of the aisle for decades. 01:07:45.659 --> 01:07:48.159 And then during COVID, we were told that it was 01:07:48.159 --> 01:07:49.599 for the health of the people, that we had to 01:07:49.599 --> 01:07:52.300 have vaccines and masks. But neither side has 01:07:52.300 --> 01:07:54.159 done anything to make Americans healthier, apart 01:07:54.159 --> 01:07:57.059 from removing red dye. Wow, that's fucking groundbreaking. 01:07:57.380 --> 01:07:59.940 Congratulations. You know what I mean? I mean, 01:07:59.960 --> 01:08:02.159 you just have to open your eyes and realize that 01:08:02.159 --> 01:08:05.360 the American people are suffering, so that a 01:08:05.360 --> 01:08:07.460 few people make a lot of money. But going back 01:08:07.460 --> 01:08:08.840 to what you said, though, that is a very good 01:08:08.840 --> 01:08:11.639 point. The preventative side, there is money 01:08:11.639 --> 01:08:14.139 to be made. And I think people will gladly pay. 01:08:14.159 --> 01:08:16.000 Yeah, I'd love to know my blood panel and regulate 01:08:16.000 --> 01:08:19.460 my hormones and make sure that my nutritional 01:08:19.460 --> 01:08:23.039 panel is correct and that there aren't any risk 01:08:23.039 --> 01:08:25.020 factors for my cardiovascular and all the other 01:08:25.020 --> 01:08:27.159 areas. I think that's where money would be absolutely 01:08:27.159 --> 01:08:29.859 well spent. So it's a great point that you make. 01:08:29.979 --> 01:08:33.670 There is money. the industry doesn't have to 01:08:33.670 --> 01:08:35.850 collapse we just got to go into the preventative 01:08:35.850 --> 01:08:38.029 side and the clean nutrition and support local 01:08:38.029 --> 01:08:41.369 farmers with organic food and support local gyms 01:08:41.369 --> 01:08:44.229 and rocking communities and all of a sudden we 01:08:44.229 --> 01:08:47.010 would have an incredibly healthy nation and then 01:08:47.010 --> 01:08:48.630 lo and behold there'll be a lot of money then 01:08:48.630 --> 01:08:50.470 for education all the other things that we got 01:08:50.470 --> 01:08:54.359 to pour into It just has to shift. That's all 01:08:54.359 --> 01:08:57.079 it has to do. And we have to be given the choices. 01:08:57.479 --> 01:09:00.840 It's fine. If you want to go through the McDonald's 01:09:00.840 --> 01:09:02.979 drive -thru every day, that is available to you. 01:09:03.420 --> 01:09:08.159 But we should also be able to inject ourselves 01:09:08.159 --> 01:09:10.479 with peptides as an alternative to getting cut 01:09:10.479 --> 01:09:14.079 open by an orthopedist. And we should be able 01:09:14.079 --> 01:09:16.720 to see if our bodies can do it on our own. And 01:09:16.720 --> 01:09:18.760 we should be able to choose that option for our 01:09:18.760 --> 01:09:23.069 medical care. So, yeah. Thanks RFK for removing 01:09:23.069 --> 01:09:25.670 red dye, but what else you got brother? Because 01:09:25.670 --> 01:09:29.750 I mean, it's a tall hill and they're at the bottom. 01:09:30.149 --> 01:09:32.770 So they're going to have to make some more moves. 01:09:32.949 --> 01:09:35.170 And, you know, at this point, I mean, like we 01:09:35.170 --> 01:09:37.470 are at their mercy and I don't know if anything 01:09:37.470 --> 01:09:43.170 even matters anymore, but access matters and, 01:09:43.210 --> 01:09:47.689 and medical access matters. And when I go down 01:09:47.689 --> 01:09:50.210 to Tijuana, Mexico, and I see that the government 01:09:50.210 --> 01:09:57.189 there, is promoting and churning out better medical 01:09:57.189 --> 01:10:00.989 care than we are in the united states that's 01:10:00.989 --> 01:10:06.170 sad to me you know yeah that's i mean that in 01:10:06.170 --> 01:10:08.729 tijuana like their their nursing staff they're 01:10:08.729 --> 01:10:11.550 like their medical care is their government pays 01:10:11.550 --> 01:10:14.449 for it they're given these jobs they're it's 01:10:14.449 --> 01:10:18.829 they're hard hard working people and uh i would 01:10:18.829 --> 01:10:23.560 trust them over most American medical facilities 01:10:23.560 --> 01:10:27.039 at this point. And that's a sad sentence to have 01:10:27.039 --> 01:10:30.199 to say. But it's also like no one should be worried 01:10:30.199 --> 01:10:33.220 about going to Tijuana, Mexico for medical care 01:10:33.220 --> 01:10:37.199 either. I know that we've done a great job in 01:10:37.199 --> 01:10:39.899 the United States to make sure that we've tainted 01:10:39.899 --> 01:10:43.619 every American from believing that any outside 01:10:43.619 --> 01:10:46.720 source could help them. But I'm here to tell 01:10:46.720 --> 01:10:51.300 you, you know, we're only removing red dye. So 01:10:51.300 --> 01:10:53.359 there's that. I come from a country that had 01:10:53.359 --> 01:10:55.420 national health. And back when I was young, it 01:10:55.420 --> 01:10:57.220 was still supported. So it was a real national 01:10:57.220 --> 01:10:59.979 health. And you think about it, if you have a 01:10:59.979 --> 01:11:04.119 tax -based healthcare system, then the incentive 01:11:04.119 --> 01:11:06.520 is to make people healthy. So you don't dip into 01:11:06.520 --> 01:11:09.619 the tax very much. You have a profit -based healthcare 01:11:09.619 --> 01:11:11.539 system, which we have, or disease management 01:11:11.539 --> 01:11:14.659 system is a better word for it. then the incentive 01:11:14.659 --> 01:11:16.979 is to create people that are sick. I mean, it's 01:11:16.979 --> 01:11:19.000 just pure, basic. No one can say it's conspiracy. 01:11:19.180 --> 01:11:22.560 It's economics. So which one do you want? Do 01:11:22.560 --> 01:11:24.359 you want one that you don't have to worry about 01:11:24.359 --> 01:11:26.180 losing your home when you have the audacity to 01:11:26.180 --> 01:11:29.079 get cancer or hit by a bus? Or do you want to 01:11:29.079 --> 01:11:30.920 have the one that they kind of trick you into, 01:11:30.979 --> 01:11:33.880 oh, it's only this copay, but it's not. It's 01:11:33.880 --> 01:11:37.239 costing this country trillions of dollars, which 01:11:37.239 --> 01:11:40.409 could be a con for everything. We live on Band 01:11:40.409 --> 01:11:42.430 -Aids in this country. You know, we sell a lot 01:11:42.430 --> 01:11:45.770 of Band -Aids here and everybody's just walking 01:11:45.770 --> 01:11:48.670 out gaping sores. So something's got to shift. 01:11:48.770 --> 01:11:51.329 Something's got to change. It is survival of 01:11:51.329 --> 01:11:55.729 the fittest, you know, and I do feel like, you 01:11:55.729 --> 01:11:58.630 know, the people that are trying to figure it 01:11:58.630 --> 01:12:02.390 out for everybody are doing a great job. at also 01:12:02.390 --> 01:12:04.329 not gatekeeping it and getting the word out. 01:12:04.430 --> 01:12:07.350 But it just, it needs to be something that is 01:12:07.350 --> 01:12:09.350 available to everybody. And working with the 01:12:09.350 --> 01:12:11.489 first responder community, like I'll be in an 01:12:11.489 --> 01:12:13.909 Ibogaine clinic and everybody there is like having 01:12:13.909 --> 01:12:16.109 suffering from whatever they're going through, 01:12:16.229 --> 01:12:19.109 suicidal ideations. And then, oh, guess what 01:12:19.109 --> 01:12:21.430 else? They're having a hard marriage over all 01:12:21.430 --> 01:12:23.149 of this. Oh, and then guess what else? Now they're 01:12:23.149 --> 01:12:26.010 in debt because they had to go get help. And 01:12:26.010 --> 01:12:29.270 then that is just all compounding on top of it. 01:12:30.989 --> 01:12:33.710 The fact of the matter is, is that substances 01:12:33.710 --> 01:12:36.989 like Ibogaine are available to, you know, the 01:12:36.989 --> 01:12:40.890 elite and privileged at this point in life. And 01:12:40.890 --> 01:12:44.090 we need to, you know, the American healthcare 01:12:44.090 --> 01:12:48.010 system needs to work to change that so that we 01:12:48.010 --> 01:12:51.310 can be provided for, not even just America, like 01:12:51.310 --> 01:12:53.689 all countries should do that. But I just happen 01:12:53.689 --> 01:12:56.890 to live in this one. So I have to work within 01:12:56.890 --> 01:13:03.239 the walls that I'm. Mine is the American Healthcare 01:13:03.239 --> 01:13:07.859 Society. So we have to try to do better. And 01:13:07.859 --> 01:13:11.279 yeah, but if you go to the hospital, let's say 01:13:11.279 --> 01:13:15.039 the day that a tree fell on my family and we 01:13:15.039 --> 01:13:20.319 got a lot of bills that day. And, you know, for 01:13:20.319 --> 01:13:22.739 me, I got a bunch of bills and I refused treatment. 01:13:22.779 --> 01:13:27.079 I pulled everything off. And said no. But I still 01:13:27.079 --> 01:13:29.739 got bills for like hundreds of thousands of dollars, 01:13:29.920 --> 01:13:33.319 you know. And they didn't even do anything for 01:13:33.319 --> 01:13:37.279 me. And my husband died. But I had all these 01:13:37.279 --> 01:13:45.180 bills. So for $10 ,000, soup to nuts, I can transform 01:13:45.180 --> 01:13:49.159 a first responder's life for the most part. Or 01:13:49.159 --> 01:13:51.239 give them a gateway to do that. Not me personally, 01:13:51.380 --> 01:13:53.520 but just give them access and then give them 01:13:53.520 --> 01:13:58.579 a supportive container for one year to implement 01:13:58.579 --> 01:14:05.239 their new life, you know, feeling like they want 01:14:05.239 --> 01:14:08.359 to live instead of wanting to die. And no hospital 01:14:08.359 --> 01:14:12.699 in America can do that. You mentioned the tragedy. 01:14:12.920 --> 01:14:16.800 So talk to me about June 17th, 2022. And then 01:14:16.800 --> 01:14:20.680 how did that ultimately sprout the nonprofit 01:14:20.680 --> 01:14:25.420 that you've created? June 17th, 2022. I was six 01:14:25.420 --> 01:14:28.720 weeks post my first ayahuasca journey. Actually, 01:14:28.760 --> 01:14:32.720 I had used ayahuasca for my Lyme disease healing. 01:14:33.619 --> 01:14:36.159 When I tell people I went to psychedelics for 01:14:36.159 --> 01:14:39.479 healing, some people are like, oh, my God. But 01:14:39.479 --> 01:14:43.119 let me tell you, I was dying. So it was that 01:14:43.119 --> 01:14:47.000 either I try psychedelics or. I'm going to die. 01:14:47.279 --> 01:14:49.960 So how I'm going to die, it's either like heart 01:14:49.960 --> 01:14:54.739 attack or by my own hand, I don't know, but it 01:14:54.739 --> 01:14:57.199 was going to be something. So that's where I'm 01:14:57.199 --> 01:14:59.500 at when I'm going to sit with ayahuasca. And 01:14:59.500 --> 01:15:05.000 I had, I took way too much ayahuasca. I had 155 01:15:05.000 --> 01:15:07.800 milliliters of ayahuasca and like a standard 01:15:07.800 --> 01:15:11.539 dose is like 75 mls I would never take 75 mls 01:15:11.539 --> 01:15:14.000 now if I journey with ayahuasca I take about 01:15:14.000 --> 01:15:17.460 30 and then I'll do another 10 after that wears 01:15:17.460 --> 01:15:21.460 off but I don't like to go hardcore so 30 is 01:15:21.460 --> 01:15:24.979 my standard dose and this time I took 155 when 01:15:24.979 --> 01:15:27.479 you take that much ayahuasca you you go deep 01:15:27.479 --> 01:15:32.470 so I went really deep and um My entire ayahuasca 01:15:32.470 --> 01:15:35.989 journey was about my husband and unconditional 01:15:35.989 --> 01:15:38.369 love. Not the entire journey, but a huge part 01:15:38.369 --> 01:15:40.689 of it. And it wasn't until that journey, and 01:15:40.689 --> 01:15:42.810 I'd been with him for almost 20 years at that 01:15:42.810 --> 01:15:45.210 point, that I actually believed that he loved 01:15:45.210 --> 01:15:51.250 me. So how a plant could connect me to unconditional 01:15:51.250 --> 01:15:56.859 love, I don't know. But ayahuasca did. I don't 01:15:56.859 --> 01:15:59.119 know if you're a person that's ever experienced 01:15:59.119 --> 01:16:02.039 unconditional love. It's my goal in my life just 01:16:02.039 --> 01:16:06.220 to like use that. I use it as my fire now. But 01:16:06.220 --> 01:16:09.300 if you're a person that's experienced that, it 01:16:09.300 --> 01:16:12.979 doesn't matter if you've lost it because I experienced 01:16:12.979 --> 01:16:17.060 unconditional love from my husband and he was 01:16:17.060 --> 01:16:19.420 at a firehouse in New York City and I was on 01:16:19.420 --> 01:16:22.760 a mountainside in Jersey with some dude named 01:16:22.760 --> 01:16:29.720 Jason. and 30 other people. And yeah, and I had 01:16:29.720 --> 01:16:33.680 this like life changing, profound experience. 01:16:34.539 --> 01:16:37.659 And I learned a lot of other stuff that day too, 01:16:37.819 --> 01:16:40.220 that probably only people that drink ayahuasca 01:16:40.220 --> 01:16:42.520 would understand. So I'm not going to go through 01:16:42.520 --> 01:16:48.439 it on this podcast, but yeah, it allowed me to 01:16:48.439 --> 01:16:51.460 understand then the rest of the journey that 01:16:51.460 --> 01:16:56.369 I learned. When my husband passed at 3 .43 p 01:16:56.369 --> 01:17:00.310 .m. on June 17th, 2022, we were pulling onto 01:17:00.310 --> 01:17:04.130 the Biltmore estate and we were in their driveway 01:17:04.130 --> 01:17:08.569 and a tree fell. It gave way just at exactly 01:17:08.569 --> 01:17:11.329 the time that my family was driving under. And 01:17:11.329 --> 01:17:16.689 our 11 -year -old, 10 -year -old at the time, 01:17:16.710 --> 01:17:21.529 was hospitalized with four. um broken bones in 01:17:21.529 --> 01:17:25.689 his neck and back and our oldest son who's 19 01:17:25.689 --> 01:17:31.449 at the time was knocked out and i had been hit 01:17:31.449 --> 01:17:35.210 in the head with a tree my entire seat was crushed 01:17:35.210 --> 01:17:40.130 and there wasn't anything wrong with me my husband 01:17:40.130 --> 01:17:46.079 was dying in the seat next to me and i don't 01:17:46.079 --> 01:17:48.340 really i learned i'm a terrible witness and the 01:17:48.340 --> 01:17:50.439 story that i have in my mind about what happened 01:17:50.439 --> 01:17:53.560 after that isn't the story that happened and 01:17:53.560 --> 01:17:57.479 i know that because i have a video of everything 01:17:57.479 --> 01:18:00.479 that happened i was recording when we were going 01:18:00.479 --> 01:18:01.979 in because i was going to make a reel for my 01:18:01.979 --> 01:18:05.779 husband so the video there's a whole other series 01:18:05.779 --> 01:18:08.800 of events going on including like my conversation 01:18:09.800 --> 01:18:13.060 with my husband and the songs that were playing 01:18:13.060 --> 01:18:16.199 and in my mind i had a completely different experience 01:18:16.199 --> 01:18:19.560 including third person syndrome um when my husband 01:18:19.560 --> 01:18:24.199 was dying and uh yeah the hardest thing i think 01:18:24.199 --> 01:18:27.380 i've ever had to do in my life was walk away 01:18:27.380 --> 01:18:30.180 from him when he was dying to go get in the ambulance 01:18:30.180 --> 01:18:38.890 with our youngest son how did you Or let me rephrase 01:18:38.890 --> 01:18:42.350 the question. You've done a psychedelic journey 01:18:42.350 --> 01:18:44.409 just prior to this. You have this devastating 01:18:44.409 --> 01:18:47.050 tragedy after having this realization of unconditional 01:18:47.050 --> 01:18:54.130 love. What part, if any, did sequential psychedelic 01:18:54.130 --> 01:18:57.869 journeys factor into processing the grief of 01:18:57.869 --> 01:19:05.220 such a tragedy? I was super aware of like what 01:19:05.220 --> 01:19:08.479 my body was trying to do to help me. I think 01:19:08.479 --> 01:19:10.960 just because I'd become more body aware through 01:19:10.960 --> 01:19:13.960 breathwork practice, meditation, psychedelics. 01:19:14.220 --> 01:19:18.100 So I was like really like honoring what my body 01:19:18.100 --> 01:19:21.560 was trying to do and trying to help it do what 01:19:21.560 --> 01:19:24.100 it needed to do. So part of that was like they 01:19:24.100 --> 01:19:28.739 say when animals get hit or like they have. or 01:19:28.739 --> 01:19:31.359 attacked or whatever, that you'll see them after. 01:19:31.439 --> 01:19:34.140 And they're oftentimes just shaking because they're 01:19:34.140 --> 01:19:37.939 shaking off fear. And we're animals also. So 01:19:37.939 --> 01:19:40.739 I found that my body was just shaking so much. 01:19:40.859 --> 01:19:45.380 I knew I was in shock after it happened. I was 01:19:45.380 --> 01:19:48.220 really aware of that. But I also knew I had it. 01:19:48.279 --> 01:19:53.199 Like I knew I didn't need barbiturates. I knew 01:19:53.199 --> 01:19:55.659 I didn't need. you know, anything to help me 01:19:55.659 --> 01:19:57.619 sleep. And I knew I didn't want that. I knew 01:19:57.619 --> 01:20:00.300 I didn't need alcohol, but I knew I needed to 01:20:00.300 --> 01:20:03.920 like eat and get a smoothie in me. Like, even 01:20:03.920 --> 01:20:07.020 if I couldn't chew food, cause I couldn't, if 01:20:07.020 --> 01:20:09.500 anybody ever goes through anything like that, 01:20:09.600 --> 01:20:12.460 like, I mean, if you can eat a sandwich after 01:20:12.460 --> 01:20:18.880 that, I don't know, but I can't. So I just like 01:20:18.880 --> 01:20:21.380 knew I needed like protein. I needed my brain. 01:20:21.479 --> 01:20:23.180 I needed to figure out how to get a body back. 01:20:23.789 --> 01:20:26.369 to new york i need to figure out how to feed 01:20:26.369 --> 01:20:30.609 my dogs i need to figure out like how to pay 01:20:30.609 --> 01:20:34.210 bills how to live my whole life like how to be 01:20:34.210 --> 01:20:37.449 this person that i didn't want to be you know 01:20:37.449 --> 01:20:47.409 so uh how to be a single mom um yeah like how 01:20:47.409 --> 01:20:54.720 to live without my right arm So when something 01:20:54.720 --> 01:20:57.560 like this happens to you, it's not like, oh, 01:20:57.680 --> 01:21:01.460 you just lose that one person, you know? Like, 01:21:01.460 --> 01:21:07.479 I lost, like, everything that day. All the plans 01:21:07.479 --> 01:21:10.739 I had for my future, like, my whole identity, 01:21:10.920 --> 01:21:16.399 like, I didn't, and nobody wanted it, you know? 01:21:17.020 --> 01:21:21.680 It's like, like, I wasn't Casey Skuden's wife, 01:21:21.819 --> 01:21:29.520 you know, anymore. And I love that role for a 01:21:29.520 --> 01:21:37.119 long time. So part of just that was just accepting 01:21:37.119 --> 01:21:40.720 that there's just this clinging that happens 01:21:40.720 --> 01:21:47.699 after you watch your best friend die. And yeah, 01:21:49.119 --> 01:21:54.960 it still happens to me today. It's really triggering 01:21:54.960 --> 01:22:00.279 too because you'll get into a new situation or 01:22:00.279 --> 01:22:03.279 whatever. Even going to the grocery store, I 01:22:03.279 --> 01:22:06.439 never had to do that in case he was alive. But 01:22:06.439 --> 01:22:11.399 you get into that and you're triggered by everything. 01:22:11.800 --> 01:22:15.880 But you're evolving into this other role. And 01:22:15.880 --> 01:22:18.880 for me, since I had sat with psychedelics and 01:22:18.880 --> 01:22:24.279 notably the... hardest psychedelics on the planet. 01:22:24.319 --> 01:22:26.560 I don't know what that means, but you know, I'd 01:22:26.560 --> 01:22:30.020 sat with these psychedelics and I had this other 01:22:30.020 --> 01:22:33.060 knowing that this energy of my husband, this 01:22:33.060 --> 01:22:36.140 energy of this unconditional love, it existed, 01:22:36.359 --> 01:22:41.119 you know, no matter if his flesh vessel was operating 01:22:41.119 --> 01:22:46.359 or not. And I knew what to do. I knew immediately 01:22:46.359 --> 01:22:49.199 that I was going to use his life insurance policy 01:22:49.199 --> 01:22:53.140 to build. this organization, I knew that he was 01:22:53.140 --> 01:22:55.920 going to keep saving lives. I knew that it was 01:22:55.920 --> 01:22:58.439 going to be called the 343 Fund. And then if 01:22:58.439 --> 01:23:01.960 I tried to get off of my journey or my path or 01:23:01.960 --> 01:23:07.960 like talk myself into a different like way or 01:23:07.960 --> 01:23:11.800 just not completing the mission that I knew I 01:23:11.800 --> 01:23:15.460 had to do, everything just rerouted me towards 01:23:15.460 --> 01:23:19.949 the way that I needed to go. So. Yeah, we've 01:23:19.949 --> 01:23:26.270 sent 130 first responders. 54 % have been active 01:23:26.270 --> 01:23:30.710 duty. 54 % have been police officers. And I think 01:23:30.710 --> 01:23:33.529 like 5 % have been EMTs and the rest firefighters. 01:23:34.289 --> 01:23:40.090 And I get to hear people tell me that we saved 01:23:40.090 --> 01:23:42.930 their life. And I get to hear their kids tell 01:23:42.930 --> 01:23:46.189 me, thanks for giving me my dad back. And I get 01:23:46.189 --> 01:23:49.630 to hear people tell me I... Went to seven different 01:23:49.630 --> 01:23:53.350 inpatient alcohol rehabs and nothing worked, 01:23:53.449 --> 01:23:57.409 but I've been sober for 10 months. And I get 01:23:57.409 --> 01:24:01.970 to hear people tell me that they don't have their 01:24:01.970 --> 01:24:06.569 TBI symptoms anymore and that they're sleeping 01:24:06.569 --> 01:24:10.449 every night without their CPAP machine and that 01:24:10.449 --> 01:24:12.970 they don't have physical pain in their body anymore, 01:24:13.329 --> 01:24:17.779 phantom pain. Yeah, and I get to sleep every 01:24:17.779 --> 01:24:19.880 night, including the night that my husband died, 01:24:19.979 --> 01:24:23.859 and I walked away from his body, and our son 01:24:23.859 --> 01:24:26.460 was in a hospital bed, and I didn't know what 01:24:26.460 --> 01:24:29.819 I was doing or how I was getting anybody back 01:24:29.819 --> 01:24:32.659 to New York or doing a funeral, but I knew my 01:24:32.659 --> 01:24:35.819 body needed sleep, and I knew it was the power 01:24:35.819 --> 01:24:39.140 of psychedelics that gave me the ability to tell 01:24:39.140 --> 01:24:46.930 my mind to be quiet. give my body the rest that 01:24:46.930 --> 01:24:51.189 it needed. Yeah. And I've not used any of my 01:24:51.189 --> 01:24:59.710 old tools, alcohol or Xanax or Adderall or cocaine 01:24:59.710 --> 01:25:03.470 or anything that I used to love to use. But I've 01:25:03.470 --> 01:25:06.489 also stopped shaming myself from everything that 01:25:06.489 --> 01:25:09.970 I used to exist and started looking at all of 01:25:09.970 --> 01:25:18.479 the substances as Just really good teachers and 01:25:18.479 --> 01:25:24.420 also gratitude for them. Gratitude that if it 01:25:24.420 --> 01:25:26.000 wasn't for alcohol, I don't even know if anybody 01:25:26.000 --> 01:25:28.460 in my family would have made it. Real talk, you 01:25:28.460 --> 01:25:32.619 know. It took a lot of alcohol to drown the sorrows. 01:25:32.800 --> 01:25:37.319 But, yeah. And I feel like, yeah, gratitude that 01:25:37.319 --> 01:25:40.180 alcohol was there and that cocaine was there 01:25:40.180 --> 01:25:45.220 and that. Adderall was there because I built 01:25:45.220 --> 01:25:48.819 a lot with all of those substances and they kept 01:25:48.819 --> 01:25:54.460 me here until I could find tools like breathwork 01:25:54.460 --> 01:25:58.439 to regulate my central nervous system and ways 01:25:58.439 --> 01:26:04.180 to want to be in my body. So yeah, I'm super 01:26:04.180 --> 01:26:07.079 grateful for my psychedelic journeys. They were 01:26:07.079 --> 01:26:13.609 great guides for my role in life now. And without 01:26:13.609 --> 01:26:19.770 them, I don't know. I don't know if I would even 01:26:19.770 --> 01:26:23.590 be here, to be honest with you. But I am here. 01:26:23.810 --> 01:26:26.470 And a lot of people get triggered by the way 01:26:26.470 --> 01:26:31.470 that I kept myself here. But I see a lot of people 01:26:31.470 --> 01:26:34.529 keep themselves here the same way and have really 01:26:34.529 --> 01:26:38.789 healthy lives free of SSRIs and mood stabilizers. 01:26:40.330 --> 01:26:44.930 like Suboxone and alcohol and Kratom and Adderall 01:26:44.930 --> 01:26:49.310 and all of the things, the tools that aren't 01:26:49.310 --> 01:26:52.989 so good for your immune system. So yeah, I did 01:26:52.989 --> 01:26:54.970 all of that stuff. And I had Lyme disease probably 01:26:54.970 --> 01:26:57.689 since I was 11 years old. And I just had a straw 01:26:57.689 --> 01:26:59.710 that broke the camel's back. It happened to be 01:26:59.710 --> 01:27:02.390 working out seven days a week. which is a straw 01:27:02.390 --> 01:27:04.689 for breaking my camel's back so it looked like 01:27:04.689 --> 01:27:07.270 a really healthy straw but like underneath that 01:27:07.270 --> 01:27:09.970 was like misuse of alcohol adderall addiction 01:27:09.970 --> 01:27:14.710 and you know expensive food that wasn't doing 01:27:14.710 --> 01:27:16.949 anything because of all the other stuff i was 01:27:16.949 --> 01:27:22.449 doing so yeah you mentioned how you were reminiscing 01:27:22.449 --> 01:27:24.550 with you said with your daughter is that right 01:27:24.550 --> 01:27:28.649 my son it was your son sorry um about you know 01:27:28.649 --> 01:27:33.340 pre tragedy and where you were now i think one 01:27:33.340 --> 01:27:36.819 of the the areas that seem so under discussed 01:27:36.819 --> 01:27:39.199 and this could be just through you know mental 01:27:39.199 --> 01:27:41.579 health counseling it could be through and i don't 01:27:41.579 --> 01:27:43.479 know a psychedelic journey it could be a mental 01:27:43.479 --> 01:27:46.260 health you know trauma element it could be grief 01:27:46.260 --> 01:27:49.340 but we don't hear enough about post -traumatic 01:27:49.340 --> 01:27:51.819 growth about the hope of who the person is on 01:27:51.819 --> 01:27:54.060 the other side it sounded like you were talking 01:27:54.060 --> 01:27:57.859 fondly about where you are today so talk to me 01:27:57.859 --> 01:28:00.300 about that you were reflecting on you know obviously 01:28:00.300 --> 01:28:02.520 this this beautiful marriage you know being a 01:28:02.520 --> 01:28:05.140 firefighter spouse and you know all the other 01:28:05.140 --> 01:28:09.359 elements that you had pre -2022 where are you 01:28:09.359 --> 01:28:11.779 now and and what would you say for people that 01:28:11.779 --> 01:28:14.319 that maybe didn't think there was any hope that 01:28:14.319 --> 01:28:16.199 there wasn't kind of light at the end of that 01:28:16.199 --> 01:28:22.680 work tunnel if you like well it's hard to answer 01:28:22.680 --> 01:28:27.649 that question because I'm in a really, really 01:28:27.649 --> 01:28:36.770 good place today, which also comes with a tremendous 01:28:36.770 --> 01:28:41.890 amount of guilt underlying. You know, I'm in 01:28:41.890 --> 01:28:44.430 a really good place because my husband sacrificed 01:28:44.430 --> 01:28:48.810 his life, you know. And every time I was sitting 01:28:48.810 --> 01:28:50.810 at a kitchen table with a group of first responders, 01:28:50.930 --> 01:28:55.560 two police officers and two firefighters. And 01:28:55.560 --> 01:29:03.319 I said to them, I know Casey would want to have 01:29:03.319 --> 01:29:06.340 saved each of your lives. And I get to look around 01:29:06.340 --> 01:29:08.640 the table and know that my husband doesn't exist. 01:29:10.000 --> 01:29:13.319 But this guy sitting across from me does. And 01:29:13.319 --> 01:29:18.039 one guy I was working with, he actually had trauma 01:29:18.039 --> 01:29:24.199 from a riot. And he had a traumatic brain injury 01:29:24.199 --> 01:29:25.920 and he'd been taken away from his family. So 01:29:25.920 --> 01:29:29.699 to know that my husband's life has been given 01:29:29.699 --> 01:29:33.720 in exchange for giving this man, you know, his 01:29:33.720 --> 01:29:35.939 life back where he's still here living with his 01:29:35.939 --> 01:29:39.260 kids and his wife. There's really no greater 01:29:39.260 --> 01:29:41.960 feeling in the world than doing the work that 01:29:41.960 --> 01:29:45.859 I do. And if my husband hadn't died, I wouldn't 01:29:45.859 --> 01:29:52.239 get to do this. And so. The reason why I'm so 01:29:52.239 --> 01:29:55.600 happy is because of service to others that has 01:29:55.600 --> 01:29:59.520 been allowed from the death and perceived loss 01:29:59.520 --> 01:30:02.439 of unconditional love. But I get to transmute 01:30:02.439 --> 01:30:05.880 unconditional love every day and save people's 01:30:05.880 --> 01:30:10.420 lives. So I feel an immense amount of gratitude 01:30:10.420 --> 01:30:16.859 for my journey and my path. And I say Lyme disease 01:30:16.859 --> 01:30:18.760 was one of the greatest gifts I've ever been 01:30:18.760 --> 01:30:21.920 given in my life. And the death of my husband 01:30:21.920 --> 01:30:24.039 is probably the second greatest gift I've ever 01:30:24.039 --> 01:30:27.260 been given. Yeah. And it's, I mean, like you 01:30:27.260 --> 01:30:30.239 talk about the guilt and the shame on a surface 01:30:30.239 --> 01:30:32.279 level, you know, that kind of makes sense. But 01:30:32.279 --> 01:30:35.460 I mean, when you were talking, how often do you 01:30:35.460 --> 01:30:38.659 hear, you know, a parent who's lost a child say, 01:30:38.779 --> 01:30:40.479 God, if I could just have gone in their place. 01:30:41.100 --> 01:30:43.460 You know, this was, as you said, this was something 01:30:43.460 --> 01:30:46.119 that Casey was able to make that sacrifice, you 01:30:46.119 --> 01:30:48.460 know, voluntary, involuntary, whatever the grand 01:30:48.460 --> 01:30:51.979 scale of universe is. And now this legacy is 01:30:51.979 --> 01:30:54.560 living on and his two beautiful sons, you know, 01:30:54.560 --> 01:30:56.439 are thriving now. And then you've got this nonprofit 01:30:56.439 --> 01:30:58.420 and the ripple effect is helping all these other 01:30:58.420 --> 01:31:00.460 people and their wives and then husbands and 01:31:00.460 --> 01:31:03.300 children. So it is. I mean, you know, there's 01:31:03.300 --> 01:31:06.079 no room for guilt and shame because, you know, 01:31:06.100 --> 01:31:09.000 we can't undo these tragedies, but it's what 01:31:09.000 --> 01:31:12.810 you do. with that after? Would that person that 01:31:12.810 --> 01:31:15.890 you adored so much want you curled up in the 01:31:15.890 --> 01:31:18.270 corner of a room with a scotch bottle or would 01:31:18.270 --> 01:31:20.390 they want you out there doing exactly what you're 01:31:20.390 --> 01:31:24.430 doing today? Yeah, I think about that part that 01:31:24.430 --> 01:31:26.649 we were talking about, that being stuck or accepting 01:31:26.649 --> 01:31:31.670 that, okay, I'm going to be sick for the rest 01:31:31.670 --> 01:31:35.029 of my life, accepting that identity. That happens 01:31:35.029 --> 01:31:40.200 too when you're a widow and you can pick. Like, 01:31:40.200 --> 01:31:45.859 do I want this widow identity to attach itself 01:31:45.859 --> 01:31:47.479 to me? Like, and then when everybody in town 01:31:47.479 --> 01:31:49.500 looks at me, you know, they're like, oh, that's 01:31:49.500 --> 01:31:52.220 the lady that lost her husband really young. 01:31:52.359 --> 01:31:55.619 And that could be my story or, you know, for 01:31:55.619 --> 01:31:57.979 the rest of my life. And I can attach myself 01:31:57.979 --> 01:32:00.199 to that. And nobody would feel bad about that. 01:32:00.279 --> 01:32:03.699 They would accept that. But that is not a story 01:32:03.699 --> 01:32:07.189 that. i want to attach myself to and it's also 01:32:07.189 --> 01:32:10.729 not the story that casey scootin wants you know 01:32:10.729 --> 01:32:14.609 not only for his legacy but you know for his 01:32:14.609 --> 01:32:20.229 family so yeah um my kids have said my oldest 01:32:20.229 --> 01:32:23.529 actually said after uh casey passed he said mom 01:32:23.529 --> 01:32:27.609 you know it's so hard to lose dad but um i can't 01:32:27.609 --> 01:32:31.569 imagine if i'd lost you and i know that casey 01:32:31.569 --> 01:32:34.310 feels the same way Like, I know that my boy's 01:32:34.310 --> 01:32:38.930 life would be so different if it had been the 01:32:38.930 --> 01:32:42.550 other way around. And I know that I have a job 01:32:42.550 --> 01:32:48.289 to do that Casey left in my hands and he knows 01:32:48.289 --> 01:32:52.489 that I can do it. And he knows, you know, that 01:32:52.489 --> 01:32:57.390 I know what he wants for our boys and for him. 01:32:57.949 --> 01:33:01.189 And I'm going to continue to do that. you know, 01:33:01.189 --> 01:33:03.930 for the rest of my days. So even though, you 01:33:03.930 --> 01:33:10.310 know, I'll do it as Angela Skuden and not Mrs. 01:33:10.430 --> 01:33:14.409 Casey Skuden. Well, I'm sure people listening 01:33:14.409 --> 01:33:17.449 either want to help contribute or maybe even 01:33:17.449 --> 01:33:20.550 be a recipient of it. How do they find the Casey 01:33:20.550 --> 01:33:26.890 Skuden 343 fund? We're at 501c3, so all donations 01:33:26.890 --> 01:33:30.090 are tax deductible. And you can find it by looking 01:33:30.090 --> 01:33:35.989 up the 343fund .org. There's a link for a grant 01:33:35.989 --> 01:33:39.850 application, and you can click a link for a tax 01:33:39.850 --> 01:33:43.670 deductible donation. Beautiful. Well, before 01:33:43.670 --> 01:33:45.909 we get to where everyone can find you as well, 01:33:46.090 --> 01:33:48.550 there's some closing questions I'd love to throw 01:33:48.550 --> 01:33:54.039 at you if you've got time. Sure. Okay. All right. 01:33:54.039 --> 01:33:56.579 The first one is, is there a book or are there 01:33:56.579 --> 01:33:59.260 books that you love to recommend? It can be related 01:33:59.260 --> 01:34:01.359 to our discussion today or completely unrelated. 01:34:02.920 --> 01:34:06.899 Oh my God, this is such a funny question. So 01:34:06.899 --> 01:34:13.260 I've never read a book in my entire life. I have 01:34:13.260 --> 01:34:16.939 a lot of books, but I've read parts of a book. 01:34:16.979 --> 01:34:20.279 And yeah, to answer your question, Daniel Brett. 01:34:20.750 --> 01:34:26.689 wrote a book called iboga um and it's a it's 01:34:26.689 --> 01:34:32.390 a really good educational readable book um regarding 01:34:32.390 --> 01:34:37.630 that and yeah that would be the only book i would 01:34:37.630 --> 01:34:40.989 recommend and i listened to a lot of alan watts 01:34:40.989 --> 01:34:44.029 though so i'm a big i'm a big listener he was 01:34:44.029 --> 01:34:46.149 amazing it's a shame there's a lot of people 01:34:46.149 --> 01:34:47.869 in history i wish i could have got on the podcast 01:34:47.869 --> 01:34:50.579 you know but the timing was just wrong Yeah, 01:34:50.600 --> 01:34:52.260 you can still listen to Alan Watts though. He 01:34:52.260 --> 01:34:54.560 can get in your head. Absolutely. All right. 01:34:54.560 --> 01:34:58.600 Well, what about films and documentaries? There's 01:34:58.600 --> 01:35:00.560 actually a really good documentary right now 01:35:00.560 --> 01:35:05.319 called Waves and War. Marcus Capone, you mentioned 01:35:05.319 --> 01:35:07.239 him earlier. He's actually in that documentary. 01:35:07.939 --> 01:35:11.760 And it actually shows like him going down to 01:35:11.760 --> 01:35:14.819 Ambio and Tijuana, Mexico. And so you can get 01:35:14.819 --> 01:35:17.779 kind of like a view of what. that psychedelics 01:35:17.779 --> 01:35:22.300 have been doing for special operators. But also 01:35:22.300 --> 01:35:24.699 you can keep in mind that everybody deserves 01:35:24.699 --> 01:35:28.220 to be free. So psychedelics are for everyone. 01:35:28.539 --> 01:35:30.899 And then there's also the documentary that changed 01:35:30.899 --> 01:35:33.159 my life, the Heal documentary. I think that's 01:35:33.159 --> 01:35:34.899 an important documentary. It has nothing to do 01:35:34.899 --> 01:35:37.800 with psychedelics, but it does have to do with 01:35:37.800 --> 01:35:40.520 your human body and your mind and the power of 01:35:40.520 --> 01:35:43.439 that to heal. Brilliant. all right well speaking 01:35:43.439 --> 01:35:45.500 of great people is there a person that you'd 01:35:45.500 --> 01:35:47.819 recommend to come on this podcast as a guest 01:35:47.819 --> 01:35:50.720 to speak to the first responders military and 01:35:50.720 --> 01:35:54.119 associated professionals of the world um yeah 01:35:54.119 --> 01:35:58.899 i would uh recommend aaron suzo so he's actually 01:35:58.899 --> 01:36:01.420 been on a few podcasts and he's actually gone 01:36:01.420 --> 01:36:05.239 down to mbo and experiences himself and he was 01:36:05.239 --> 01:36:11.020 a swat or gang unit officer in hayward and has 01:36:11.020 --> 01:36:14.100 a pretty compelling story. So he'd be a good 01:36:14.100 --> 01:36:17.279 one for you to talk to from the law enforcement 01:36:17.279 --> 01:36:21.239 perspective and what it actually is like going 01:36:21.239 --> 01:36:25.399 down to Tijuana, Mexico to get help for yourself. 01:36:25.859 --> 01:36:27.880 Brilliant. Yeah. I would love to get him on maybe 01:36:27.880 --> 01:36:29.920 after he's had some time to process what he's 01:36:29.920 --> 01:36:33.600 gone through. Yeah. He went last September, so 01:36:33.600 --> 01:36:35.880 he'd probably be amped to talk to you. Okay. 01:36:36.020 --> 01:36:37.939 Yeah. If you help able to make that connection, 01:36:38.000 --> 01:36:40.630 that'd be amazing. Yeah, for sure. Thank you. 01:36:40.710 --> 01:36:42.409 All right. Well, the last question before we 01:36:42.409 --> 01:36:44.350 make sure everyone knows where to find you, what 01:36:44.350 --> 01:36:48.670 do you do to decompress? I do breath work. Like 01:36:48.670 --> 01:36:51.470 my favorite thing is box breathing. So I used 01:36:51.470 --> 01:36:53.550 to be, I live in New York. I love driving in 01:36:53.550 --> 01:36:55.789 New York. It's like Mario Kart, but I also like 01:36:55.789 --> 01:36:58.489 to keep my chill. So sometimes like just a little 01:36:58.489 --> 01:37:01.569 box breathing regulates your central nervous 01:37:01.569 --> 01:37:04.930 system in less than 30 seconds. So a little four 01:37:04.930 --> 01:37:09.640 count in hold, four count out hold. is my favorite. 01:37:10.380 --> 01:37:12.859 Fantastic. All right. Well, you mentioned where 01:37:12.859 --> 01:37:16.420 to find the 343 Fund. Are there any other places, 01:37:16.479 --> 01:37:18.199 social media, et cetera, people can find you? 01:37:20.060 --> 01:37:23.819 Yeah, you can find me on social media. Yeah, 01:37:23.899 --> 01:37:26.659 I'm at Rock Center Pockets, or Angela Skuden. 01:37:26.819 --> 01:37:31.140 And the 343 Fund is on Instagram and Facebook. 01:37:31.260 --> 01:37:35.279 And the best way to get a hold of me would probably 01:37:35.279 --> 01:37:39.720 be via a DM on Instagram. Beautiful. Well, I 01:37:39.720 --> 01:37:41.239 want to thank you so much. Thank you to Michael 01:37:41.239 --> 01:37:43.720 again for yet another amazing connection, amazing 01:37:43.720 --> 01:37:47.039 story, but also to you and not just for what 01:37:47.039 --> 01:37:50.399 you're doing now. But as I underline often, you 01:37:50.399 --> 01:37:52.159 know, when people are revisiting some of the 01:37:52.159 --> 01:37:55.319 the harder parts of their life story, you know, 01:37:55.340 --> 01:37:57.279 I understand that at that moment it's taken a 01:37:57.279 --> 01:37:59.060 toll. You're kind of reopening that wound. But 01:37:59.060 --> 01:38:01.840 I know that. so many people listening are going 01:38:01.840 --> 01:38:03.579 to really, it's going to resonate with them and 01:38:03.579 --> 01:38:05.220 it's going to then have a ripple effect in their 01:38:05.220 --> 01:38:07.560 lives as well. So I want to thank you so, so 01:38:07.560 --> 01:38:09.960 much for being so generous with your time and 01:38:09.960 --> 01:38:12.039 courageous and coming on the Behind the Shield 01:38:12.039 --> 01:38:15.000 podcast today. Yeah. Thanks so much for having 01:38:15.000 --> 01:38:16.079 me, James. I appreciate it.