1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,460
This episode is brought to you by Thorne and I have some incredible news for any of you that are in the military, first responder or medical professions.

2
00:00:07,860 --> 00:00:19,500
In an effort to give back, Thorne is now offering you an ongoing 35% off each and every one of your purchases of their incredible nutritional solutions.

3
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:31,000
Now Thorne is the official supplement of CrossFit, the UFC, the Mayo Clinic, the Human Performance Project and multiple special operations organizations.

4
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:36,000
I myself have used them for several years and that is why I brought them on as a sponsor.

5
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:45,500
Some of my favorite products they have are their Multivitamin Elite, their Whey Protein, the Super EPA and their most recently, Cynaquil.

6
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:55,000
As a firefighter, a stuntman and a martial artist, I've had my share of brain trauma and sleep deprivation and Cynaquil is their latest brain health supplement.

7
00:00:55,000 --> 00:01:02,000
Now to qualify for the 35% off, go to thorne.com, T-H-O-R-N-E dot com.

8
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:09,000
Click on sign in and then create a new account. You will see the opportunity to register as a first responder or member of military.

9
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:14,000
When you click on that, it will take you through verification with GovX.

10
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:20,000
You'll simply choose a profession, provide one piece of documentation and then you are verified for life.

11
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:26,000
From that point onwards, you will continue to receive 35% off through Thorn.

12
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:36,000
Now for those of you who don't qualify, there is still the 10% off using the code BTS10, Behind the Shield 10, for a one time purchase.

13
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:45,000
Now to learn more about Thorn, go to episode 323 of the Behind the Shield podcast with Joel Titoro and Wes Barnett.

14
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:59,000
Welcome to the Behind the Shield podcast. As always, my name is James Gearing and this week it is my absolute honor to welcome on the show Navy SEAL veteran and the co-owner of Defense Strategies Group, Zach Ferguson.

15
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:08,000
Now what I loved about this conversation as I've had with many, many high level people before is you have a man who is viewed as an alpha.

16
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:17,000
He's an MMA fighter. He is a elite war fighter. And yet in this conversation, you will hear courageous vulnerability.

17
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:28,000
He talks about his own mental health struggles, the addiction that plagued his family, the healing journey that he found within himself with psychedelics that ultimately extended into his family.

18
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:38,000
And now he has become a beacon of hope for others, especially men who believe in this kind of faux stoicism facade that a lot of us were raised on.

19
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:45,000
Now before he gets this incredibly powerful and important conversation, as I say every week, please just take a moment.

20
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:52,000
Go to whichever app you listen to this on, subscribe to the show, leave feedback and leave a rating.

21
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:59,000
Every single five star rating truly does elevate this podcast, therefore making it easier for others to find.

22
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:05,000
And this is a free library of well over 1000 episodes now.

23
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:16,000
So all I ask in return is that you help share these incredible men and women stories so I can get them to every single person on planet Earth who needs to hear them.

24
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:42,000
So with that being said, I introduce to you Zach Ferguson. Enjoy.

25
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:48,000
Well, Zach, I want to start by saying two things. Firstly, thank you to our mutual friend, Ryan Parrott.

26
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:52,000
I listened to the interview that he did with you on Frogman Friday and it was amazing.

27
00:03:52,000 --> 00:04:00,000
And since then, obviously, he's made this connection. And secondly, I want to welcome you onto the Behind the Shield podcast today.

28
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:05,000
Thanks a lot, James. Yeah, thanks a lot, Bergman for having me on that podcast.

29
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:14,000
Check it out. And James, thanks. Thanks a lot for having me on the Shield. So to share my story with your viewers and hit home with them hard.

30
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:23,000
You know, maybe give something they've never heard before. Absolutely. Well, where on planet Earth are we finding you today?

31
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:31,000
So we're trying to cut out here. No problem. Where on planet Earth are we finding you today?

32
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:38,000
Today? Where am I today? Sorry, the last part. That's OK. Where are we finding you today?

33
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:48,000
Oh, today. I'm in Orange County, California. I was born and raised here. Families from Boston, Charlestown, Massachusetts.

34
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:54,000
And most of my family's over there, but my immediate family is here in Orange County.

35
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:59,000
So it's good to be back home after leaving the military.

36
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:03,000
Well, let's start the very beginning of your timeline then. I spent some time in Orange County.

37
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:07,000
I worked for Anaheim Fire and I lived in Huntington Beach for a few years.

38
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:14,000
So tell me where you were born and tell me a little bit about your family dynamic, what your parents did and how many siblings.

39
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:22,000
So I was born at Kaiser Hospital in Anaheim, California, and family dynamic.

40
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:32,000
My dad had a pretty rough upbringing, like looked at the projects in Boston and like left his house when he was 14.

41
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:45,000
And he met my mom, who's a little bit younger. And then he basically his whole family's basically dealing with like, you know, oxy addiction, robbing banks, armed robberies.

42
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:52,000
So a lot of them got hemmed up with that stuff. And he wanted to lead that life and, you know, build a new life for his kids.

43
00:05:52,000 --> 00:06:02,000
So pretty incredible human being dad. My mom just took a big leap of faith and jumped over here with him.

44
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:07,000
And then they got married here and then been together since.

45
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:16,000
When you talk to your dad about the environment that he grew up with, what was the kind of origin story?

46
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:21,000
Because, you know, as you know, people don't just wake up one day and decide to be an addict.

47
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:27,000
There's usually trauma and there's a void that's filled and escapism and all these other areas.

48
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:33,000
Have you been able to kind of find the kind of root cause of where his family's pain started from?

49
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:38,000
It's a really good question. I've actually never been asked that before.

50
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:43,000
So my addiction runs in my dad's side of the family, like as far back as I can remember.

51
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:49,000
It's either like disease wise or the life they live like in the 80s.

52
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:55,000
I don't know if you've seen like the movie The Town with Ben Affleck, then robbing banks with ski masks.

53
00:06:55,000 --> 00:07:03,000
I mean, that was like my uncle's a nutshell and I relate a lot to my dad. I'm like both my parents.

54
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:12,000
My dad, I came from a chaotic, thrilling, in a way, energy adrenaline seeking life.

55
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:18,000
My mom was like grounded, rooted, like motherly, like super nurturing, very kind.

56
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:27,000
Like a mixture of all things. So in a way, I think that chaos threw me into wanting to achieve more or like,

57
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:35,000
yeah, my comfort zone like he did moving here. But as far as deeper cause of where it came from, I don't know exactly.

58
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,000
And what about career? What did your mom and dad end up doing?

59
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:46,000
My mom worked at a medical center. My dad came out here and he was a car salesman for most of his life.

60
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:55,000
He retired probably like four years ago. So he's retired now. He's 71 and my mom is at 65.

61
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,000
Brilliant. Well, let's talk about your kind of early life then.

62
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:05,000
What were you playing and doing as far as sports and exercise back in the school ages?

63
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:09,000
So my dad just, he put me in baseball when I was three. That was my first sport.

64
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:16,000
And then soccer shortly after I was playing baseball and soccer from when I was three until I was 14.

65
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:26,000
And so I was always active riding my BMX bike, going outside, just rolling in the mud, like just being, just being a boy.

66
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:32,000
A lot of sports. It was like pretty much mandatory to at least try new ones and see what you'd like and be active.

67
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:38,000
And I had a job at an early age as well. So my first job was 13 years old.

68
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:46,000
You mentioned about having an existential crisis at 13. What was that turning of the page for you?

69
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:52,000
Yeah, that was wild. That's how I think about that really when I get asked that question.

70
00:08:52,000 --> 00:09:00,000
Let's go think about, I was sitting just at a desk in my old, my old house with old box computers.

71
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:08,000
And, you know, it was like this hiring calling was like, you know, here to do something great. Didn't know what it was.

72
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:15,000
I just started writing notes on my computer and then I saved it and dropped it to my email that I still have.

73
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:21,000
It was like, I'm going to be a UFC champion. Like, this is some crazy, can I talk about this podcast?

74
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,000
Yeah, you can. Yeah, absolutely.

75
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:29,000
It's crazy shit. They're like, I want to be like president. I want to be a UFC champion. I want to be like the Spartan Gladiator.

76
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:42,000
It was like a ton of stuff. And actually, I'm sure this but for whatever reason, I envision like I could like see death at an earlier age than normal people would.

77
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:49,000
So I like it. I wasn't afraid of for whatever reason, the 40 years old was in my mind. It was like death before 40.

78
00:09:49,000 --> 00:10:00,000
That's not what I wanted or want. But I was okay with like going all gas until I was done in a sick way.

79
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:05,000
Well, I think it's a lot easier to become president now. So maybe you want to visit that.

80
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:09,000
I want to check that in the bag.

81
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:18,000
All right. Well, then, as far as the UFC champion, I know you know you're in the martial arts now. Were you doing martial arts back when you were younger too?

82
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:29,000
Yeah, so I was I was always passionate with word culture. Spartans Gladiators Vikings, just combative men that were the best of their time.

83
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:35,000
So I was trying to find something to equivalent myself and it was the UFC champion at that point in my mind.

84
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:45,000
So I started training at Rain Training Center kickboxing and having a much MMA fights. Well, I was like 17, 16, 17.

85
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:50,000
What about career aspirations? At that point, what were you dreaming of becoming?

86
00:10:50,000 --> 00:11:02,000
I wanted to be a UFC world champion. So that was your focus. Okay. Yeah, I was working part time ballet and living at home and just training twice a day.

87
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:17,000
And I was fighting like so 16, 17 fighting like Mark Munoz, Chelsun and like a bunch of ATJ, Dolshaw. I'm much used to fighters when I was 16, 17, just getting my ass hanged to me.

88
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:21,000
I just started to forge and create something at a super young age.

89
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:25,000
And where were you training? Was it in Anaheim or somewhere else?

90
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:32,000
Rain Training Center was in Lake Forest. So not too far. Lake Forest, California, Orange County.

91
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:48,000
Yeah, yeah. It's amazing that area has so many good gyms. I trained at it was called No Limits, but it was Colin Oyama and he was training Carla Esparza, Ian McColl and Shane Del Rosario who actually ended up dying from an overdose himself.

92
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:52,000
But some really, really good fighters through that camp too.

93
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,000
Nice. I was actually not there not too long ago training Jiu Jitsu.

94
00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:04,000
Oh really? Yeah. Giva Santana, the arm collector, I think they called him. He was an amazing guy. So humble, but yeah, phenomenal Jiu Jitsu guy.

95
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,000
Absolutely. What belt are you?

96
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:22,000
So when I did that, I did Muay Thai with those guys. I didn't do the Jiu Jitsu. And then as a firefighter, I'd work in shifts. I did Jiu Jitsu for a while, but my training was so inconsistent and I was so damn tired. Nothing would even stay in my head.

97
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:28,000
So then I kind of I got my blue belt almost out of pity, I think from the jungle in Orlando.

98
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:41,000
And then I've been at a gym now here consistently for about a year and a half. But if you don't show up in a gi, you don't get any stripes. So they keep telling me to put a gi on. So I'm working towards my purple, but I'm not there yet.

99
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,000
Nice. Good stuff.

100
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:54,000
So, all right, well then you want to be a UFC champion. You're fighting some of these big names that we recognize. Walk me through where that journey takes you.

101
00:12:54,000 --> 00:13:09,000
So I had my first fight when I was 17, I think. I lost in the second round with TKO. And then I won four. So I was four and one. So that was from like 17 to 20.

102
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:20,000
And just working ballet, training, training, training, dealing with some injuries. But just that was my goal vision. Like I was going to do it. I was progressing fast.

103
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:34,000
And then, like I said, my family's from Boston, Mass. So growing up in my old house, there's a picture kind of like, not like this one, but my dad like in our living room, crossing the Boston Marathon.

104
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:42,000
This timestamp photo and I was like, you know, I walk in the front door and I see it every day. And we're watching TV and the Boston Marathon.

105
00:13:42,000 --> 00:14:02,000
And Terence blew up kids and fucked everyone up. And they had a 180 turn of God felt like, or he was like, you're being a selfish prick. You're being self-fulfilling, selfish asshole.

106
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000
go protect your country.

107
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000
And I was like, copy that.

108
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,000
So I did a 180 turn and was like,

109
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,000
how do I serve my country

110
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,000
at the highest level I can?

111
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,000
And then I started researching,

112
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,000
I thought about what the SEAL team was worth through my best friend's cousin.

113
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,000
It was not teams at the time.

114
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,000
Now what about

115
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,000
as far as the ocean? Anaheim isn't

116
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,000
right next to the ocean, the

117
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000
area, so were you swimming a lot

118
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,000
when you were younger or was that something that you kind of got

119
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,000
into when you entered the Navy?

120
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,000
My dad threw me in the pool

121
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,000
with no floaties, I was like five or

122
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,000
something.

123
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,000
I could

124
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,000
swim in the ocean, I was not a great

125
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,000
swimmer. I was very much

126
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,000
avid, if not blow avid.

127
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,000
So what is your recruitment

128
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,000
story then? Because I've heard, especially

129
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,000
the Navy guys, the

130
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,000
fear of being placed anywhere

131
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,000
if you don't pass

132
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,000
BUDs is motivation

133
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,000
itself for a lot of people. So what was

134
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,000
your recruitment story and then

135
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,000
let's get to your BUDs experience?

136
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,000
I was either lucky or

137
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,000
maybe

138
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,000
my intent purpose was so

139
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,000
apparent when I walked into the recruiter's office.

140
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,000
I said, I'm here to be

141
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,000
SEAL, I don't want to hear another word about

142
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000
anything else.

143
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,000
That's it.

144
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,000
And said, okay.

145
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,000
And then I started doing training for the

146
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000
PSD, the fiscal standard test, so push ups,

147
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,000
pull ups, sit ups, run,

148
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000
swim. And

149
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,000
I trained for about a year

150
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,000
in the ocean and in the pool.

151
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,000
My buddy taught me the combat side stroke.

152
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,000
Got the time so then

153
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,000
like 12 months or so. And then

154
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,000
I got a contract to go

155
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,000
to BUDs. And

156
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,000
before I even went to the

157
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,000
recruiter's office, after the Boston

158
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,000
marathon, I was like

159
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000
still in that

160
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,000
existential crisis mode.

161
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,000
Even that long later,

162
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,000
seven years later, I would

163
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,000
sit in my room and the pitch dark, I would turn the lights

164
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,000
off as sick and like

165
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,000
demented as it sounds. And just think about

166
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,000
like, what is, what

167
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,000
am I actually trying to do here? Why

168
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,000
am I doing it? And am I willing to

169
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,000
like go to the death to complete

170
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,000
the training, which my friend's

171
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,000
cousin said, like you must be willing to die.

172
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,000
And at first I was like, I don't

173
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,000
know what you're talking about.

174
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,000
And then I like was like, okay, the training

175
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,000
was like that.

176
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,000
After researching Hell Week and all that. So

177
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,000
six months later,

178
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,000
after every night, sometimes I would stay up all night long.

179
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,000
And my adventure, my answer was

180
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,000
yes. And

181
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,000
one more snippet on that was I

182
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,000
had a

183
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,000
another like, I had a lot of experience. So I'm

184
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,000
20 years old at this point.

185
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,000
And almost, almost

186
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,000
was like meditating.

187
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,000
So I was getting like either

188
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,000
hallucinating or just going

189
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,000
super deep internally.

190
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,000
And this like dark presence, like

191
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,000
honestly wearing a hoodie.

192
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,000
It was like all over my shoulder. Couldn't see him.

193
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,000
I didn't turn around, but it was a presence of

194
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,000
like, of death.

195
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,000
It felt like, felt like just blackness in

196
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,000
the end.

197
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,000
And he said, I'm going to test you like,

198
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,000
when you're saying you're willing to die, but

199
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,000
like you better fucking mean it basically.

200
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,000
And then I had another meeting with him

201
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,000
shortly about a year after that.

202
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:20,000
How did that factor into

203
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,000
when you're now, you know, in Hell Week

204
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,000
and all the different crucibles that you have to go through

205
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,000
for Seal Selection?

206
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,000
Yeah, it

207
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,000
helped me tremendously because

208
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,000
before I even signed maybe

209
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,000
papers, contract, I

210
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,000
had already made it through.

211
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,000
Or I was, I was going to die. So

212
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,000
it was like, there was no thought of

213
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,000
going to the ship fleet if I

214
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,000
quit. It just, it didn't exist

215
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,000
there at all. Not even an ounce,

216
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,000
a sliver. So it was like very

217
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,000
much peaceful, knowing like

218
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,000
I'll be a seal or I'm dying and I'm good with

219
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,000
either one, either outcome.

220
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,000
So first week of Buds,

221
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,000
we were in the pool

222
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,000
before I get there. The class that had

223
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,000
me, so I was class 319, Bud's class.

224
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,000
And 318.

225
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,000
So we were in base orientation, gearing up for

226
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,000
first phase. And they had a

227
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,000
a seal candidate,

228
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,000
Daniel Deobanko, quit during

229
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,000
Hell Week. And then

230
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,000
he took an Uber ride to

231
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,000
downtown San Diego, took the

232
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,000
Marriott elevator to the top floor and chipped off

233
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,000
and killed himself.

234
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,000
So they had a death in the first,

235
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,000
in the class ahead of me. And then

236
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,000
now I gear up a couple weeks later for

237
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,000
for first phase.

238
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,000
And we're doing an evolution called

239
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,000
the Beehive, which you have

240
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,000
a charge mask, like a scoop of

241
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,000
water, candy

242
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,000
pants boots, candy top.

243
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,000
And they threw everyone in the pool. The instructors

244
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,000
were in the pool and they hide you together

245
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,000
like bees, like this. So you

246
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,000
get really close. And

247
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,000
I had a broken nose from

248
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,000
fighting before the Navy.

249
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,000
So I couldn't hold the water in my mask.

250
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,000
It was just like, just

251
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,000
basically drowning me. So I was like,

252
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,000
can I refill it?

253
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,000
Instructor see me struggling,

254
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,000
gave me a little extra love.

255
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,000
And I'd say the least.

256
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,000
And

257
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,000
I started like really, really

258
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,000
having a hard time. I shit my

259
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000
pants. And

260
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,000
basically just saw the walls come in

261
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,000
black. And then that dark figure

262
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,000
came like right as it was closing.

263
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,000
And he said, you said you're willing

264
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,000
to die. Do you mean it or not? And then

265
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,000
I just said, yes, lights out.

266
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,000
And then I woke up on the side

267
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,000
of the pool deck and drowned. And then

268
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,000
slapped me back to life.

269
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,000
So that was the

270
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,000
first little clip of Bud's

271
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,000
Welcome to Bud's, I guess.

272
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,000
So that

273
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,000
wasn't an immediate failure. That was just a

274
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,000
check at that point.

275
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,000
Yeah, it was more like we have our eye on you.

276
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,000
It was an evolution. Basically, it wasn't

277
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,000
a timed one or a pass or fail. It was like

278
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,000
go until you drown or

279
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,000
bring the bell. And

280
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,000
actually it was

281
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,000
the route I did. So

282
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,000
I woke up inside the pool, started

283
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,000
throwing up. And

284
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,000
then the instructor said, I go ring the bell over there. And I

285
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,000
said, fuck no. And

286
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,000
he said, OK,

287
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,000
we'll get the fuck back in the water. I said, cool.

288
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,000
Put my mask on, get ready to jump

289
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,000
in. And he said, stop.

290
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,000
I'll stop. The instructor started yelling.

291
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,000
And then I looked to

292
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,000
my left on the side of the pool deck and

293
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,000
my teammate James, Derek Lovelace,

294
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,000
had drowned. And they were giving

295
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,000
him CPR. And he ended up passing

296
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,000
him away. So

297
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,000
we lost a guy in our class.

298
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,000
The guy ahead of us, they

299
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,000
lost a guy too.

300
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,000
So that was my first

301
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,000
hardest thing I did

302
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,000
there, first week.

303
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,000
That's always such

304
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,000
a topic of conversation

305
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,000
and rightly so. But there

306
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,000
is a fine line between preparing someone

307
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,000
for combat or going

308
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,000
into a structure fire or whatever

309
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,000
it is in uniform. Having

310
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,000
them completely prepared and then obviously

311
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,000
that fine line between them getting hurt

312
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,000
or killed. What has been your

313
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,000
kind of philosophy, if anything

314
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,000
at all? The first one obviously

315
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,000
was something that that candidate

316
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,000
clearly was carrying into selection,

317
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,000
that that was the final straw for him to take

318
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,000
his own life. But then the second one,

319
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,000
trying to get people

320
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,000
as close to drowning

321
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,000
as possible without passing away,

322
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,000
that's a difficult thing to do as well.

323
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,000
So has it changed the way you look at things at all?

324
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,000
Great question.

325
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,000
I believe

326
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,000
that Bud's training, the curriculum

327
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,000
was like, it's

328
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,000
so perfect as far as like

329
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,000
getting the

330
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,000
crop of guys that are

331
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,000
meant to do the job.

332
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,000
And we just

333
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,000
go to the red line. Basically

334
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,000
the training brings you to red line

335
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,000
and a little past it. That's

336
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,000
it. And sometimes guys pass

337
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,000
away and that's just the nature of the game.

338
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,000
If nobody died

339
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,000
ever, yeah, it sucks guys

340
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,000
die, but it's fucking training. And

341
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,000
they have to bring you to that point

342
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,000
of that. And sometimes

343
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,000
once in a while it'll happen and it's necessary

344
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,000
as sad as it sounds.

345
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,000
Like

346
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,000
because if they

347
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,000
just shortchange the training

348
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,000
and then you're getting dudes that aren't as hard as they should

349
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,000
be, and guys die

350
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,000
or they leave their buddies during

351
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,000
a battle or something.

352
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,000
So

353
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,000
I think the training is phenomenal

354
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,000
and they shouldn't change anything ever.

355
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,000
Yeah, I

356
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,000
think I've seen in some of the fatalities

357
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,000
you've had in the fire service, it wasn't

358
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,000
so much the training, it was

359
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,000
an unknown vulnerability

360
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,000
in the candidate. And it might have just been

361
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,000
dehydration and two months to drinks

362
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,000
before, or it might have been a congenital

363
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,000
heart issue. But yes

364
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,000
there are times where people are pushed too hard and

365
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,000
that needs to be corrected 100%. But

366
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,000
I think when most people

367
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,000
graduate just fine and

368
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,000
occasionally you have one of these extremely sad

369
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,000
deaths, it does show that

370
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,000
you're right there on that line. It's

371
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,000
just, I guess it's down to

372
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,000
the medicals and the assessments prior to try

373
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,000
and see if anyone's going to be vulnerable

374
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,000
before they get to that point.

375
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,000
Absolutely, maybe doing a little extra

376
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,000
screening. I think they

377
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,000
said he might have had a heart condition

378
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,000
so, you know,

379
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,000
God rest his soul. But

380
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:24,000
it's just, he went out like a fucking lawyer, that's for sure.

381
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,000
Absolutely.

382
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,000
So you go through, you know,

383
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,000
selection then, where do you find yourself

384
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,000
assigned initially?

385
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,000
So I go through

386
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,000
selection and then

387
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,000
I got orders to seal team seven

388
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,000
after SQT seal qualification

389
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,000
training. So I made

390
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,000
it through BUDS first try.

391
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,000
Made it to the last attempt on

392
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,000
a bunch of

393
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,000
evolutions, but I just got it done

394
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,000
through the help of

395
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,000
my team and, you know,

396
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,000
the guys are just fucking animals and

397
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,000
the instructor staff.

398
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,000
Got to team seven. My platoon

399
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,000
was still on deployment

400
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,000
to Iraq. So they

401
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,000
had me go to JTAC,

402
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,000
which is Joint Terminal

403
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,000
Attack Controller

404
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,000
comm school. And then I went

405
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,000
to augment seal team three in Iraq

406
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,000
in

407
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,000
December 2017.

408
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,000
So the question I always ask people, because

409
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,000
you know, obviously the specific

410
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,000
nature of what people did and where

411
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,000
they were is, you know, is none of our business

412
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,000
in my opinion. But the

413
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,000
human side of war, I think, is something

414
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,000
that we don't really get to see

415
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000
the civilians. If you look

416
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,000
at the news, it's either all the way one

417
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,000
way, kill them all, let God sort them

418
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,000
out, stack in bodies, or it's all the way the other.

419
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,000
They're all baby killers, you know,

420
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,000
peaceman, all that stuff. In the

421
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,000
middle are the men and women that we

422
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,000
send overseas wearing our flag

423
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,000
on their shoulder, you

424
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,000
know, to do whatever is needed

425
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,000
to be done. So I always ask people a

426
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,000
two-part question. The first part,

427
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,000
regardless of the politics

428
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,000
that sent you, in this case, you know, to

429
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,000
Iraq or if you want to even tie in somewhere else,

430
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,000
was there a point where you witnessed

431
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,000
some horrors and you realized there were

432
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,000
some horrific people that needed to

433
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,000
be taken care of?

434
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,000
Absolutely.

435
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,000
I think, I don't think I know, like

436
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,000
there's evil that walks the Earth. If we believe

437
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,000
in God and good,

438
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,000
then there must be an evil, right?

439
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,000
So, like, yeah,

440
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,000
there are horrific people that deserve

441
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,000
to not walk this Earth.

442
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,000
And they should

443
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,000
leave as soon as possible. And if we

444
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,000
help them get there, then even better.

445
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,000
But I've always had strong faith.

446
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,000
And what's blue, when I was

447
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,000
doing it, was right and true.

448
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,000
I didn't deviate from my morals

449
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,000
or values. And

450
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,000
that was what's important to me.

451
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,000
I didn't care who was president. Like,

452
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,000
it's not my control. My job is to protect

453
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,000
the guy to my left and right

454
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,000
the best I can. And that's what matters

455
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,000
to me. Being a good

456
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,000
person, saving people who

457
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,000
deserve to be saved, saving people you don't

458
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,000
know. And then the rest

459
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,000
that deserve to be gone

460
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,000
can go.

461
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,000
So the other side of that question

462
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,000
that we also don't see, but I've heard

463
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,000
so many amazing stories on here.

464
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,000
Kindness and compassion amid

465
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,000
some of these combat zones. So what

466
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,000
were some of the things you remember when it comes to that

467
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,000
element?

468
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,000
Good question. Yeah. So, you know,

469
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,000
seeing, like, little kids overseas

470
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,000
are like,

471
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,000
well, they're not necessarily evil because they're, like,

472
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,000
five years old. Like, they don't know what they're doing.

473
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,000
So, like, maybe giving them, like,

474
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,000
a little MRE, like,

475
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,000
candy packet or, like,

476
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,000
and just seeing, like, their face lit up, like,

477
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,000
we're the good guys. And

478
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,000
it sucks that, like, their dad goes

479
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,000
and, like, why does Zeus have that and kills his family

480
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,000
or, like, other people?

481
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,000
So just having, like,

482
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,000
the good humanized

483
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,000
kind soul, like, being shown

484
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,000
over there, even in such a, like, a

485
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,000
hellish part of the Earth.

486
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,000
I think that was, like, really cool to see,

487
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,000
like, from multiple people.

488
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,000
So did you deploy somewhere else after Iraq?

489
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,000
So after Iraq,

490
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,000
I came back, went to

491
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,000
a couple more schools. I joined

492
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,000
Mypoltun and then we went to

493
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,000
the United Arab Emirates

494
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,000
in March 2019.

495
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,000
And not a crazy deployment.

496
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,000
We did some, like,

497
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,000
hook and climbs on ships.

498
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,000
Not too, like,

499
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,000
magnetic or nothing like that.

500
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,000
But it was good.

501
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,000
Just continued to be an asset to my team.

502
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,000
Training like a motherfucker, I started

503
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,000
dabbling in Jiu-Jitsu at that time, too.

504
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,000
And just wanted to, like,

505
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,000
lift weights, fight,

506
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,000
learn how to shoot better,

507
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,000
be the biggest asset to Mypoltun that I could.

508
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,000
And just

509
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,000
given my all.

510
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,000
But that deployment,

511
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,000
nothing too crazy. Hook and climb.

512
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,000
I ran was like putting

513
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,000
lip and minds on ships. So we did, like,

514
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,000
battle damage assessments and stuff like that.

515
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,000
And then that was a seven month deployment.

516
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,000
And then we went back on that for that.

517
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,000
Up to this point, I mean, you had

518
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,000
some interesting, you know,

519
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,000
ups and downs as far as the generational

520
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,000
element with your family, some of these

521
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,000
existential moments that you had yourself.

522
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,000
Where were you emotionally?

523
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,000
Was this taking you to a good place?

524
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,000
Yeah, another good question.

525
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,000
So I like deep,

526
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,000
deeper questions. It's great.

527
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,000
Like the depth of James Lovelace

528
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,000
or like Daniel DiManko.

529
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,000
My best friend,

530
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,000
Justin Pegg, in

531
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,000
2018, ending up

532
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,000
killing himself.

533
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,000
While he went to the East Coast

534
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000
and I stayed on the West Coast.

535
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,000
So I basically just had to

536
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,000
have a bunch of compartmentalized

537
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,000
boxes. I just kept putting stuff in there.

538
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,000
Anything like

539
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,000
dad's using again, box

540
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,000
or dad's box.

541
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,000
My own feelings were just, I didn't have

542
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,000
any feelings really. It was like kind of

543
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,000
sad. It's more or less like

544
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,000
just a wall of like my eyes are dead.

545
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,000
And I just like, I'll deal with that shit later

546
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,000
because I don't have time

547
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,000
or energy to deal with it.

548
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,000
If I like try to

549
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,000
go to therapy and do all that stuff,

550
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,000
and I'm not training as hard as I can,

551
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,000
one of my platoon mates gets killed,

552
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,000
that's my fault.

553
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,000
So I just buried it in a

554
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,000
sandpit for a while, which is not the right thing to do.

555
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,000
But maybe at the time that's

556
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,000
maybe the time it was, but

557
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,000
I had to deal with it at some point.

558
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,000
Well, you said your dad was using it again.

559
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,000
So, you know, you, he came

560
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,000
from Boston, like you said, he moved you guys down

561
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,000
to Southern California. You know, he's

562
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,000
raising you. Talk to me about

563
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,000
the fight he was having simultaneously

564
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,000
between sobriety and addiction.

565
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,000
My first glimpse

566
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,000
at his addiction was

567
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,000
when I was 15, and I quit

568
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,000
the baseball team in high school.

569
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,000
And he was my coach all

570
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,000
growing up. So he was like

571
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,000
using Xanax and like

572
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,000
just going on these crazy benders.

573
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,000
Showing up to my games like high,

574
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,000
cops everywhere,

575
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,000
starting fights.

576
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,000
And at that time I was like

577
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,000
still young, so he just moved to a

578
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,000
sober living house.

579
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,000
And then that was it. He eventually came back

580
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,000
and was fine. And then now it's

581
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,000
2020, so a year after the

582
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,000
UAE deployment. And

583
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,000
I'm starting to see more

584
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,000
of like

585
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,000
signs of he's using harder.

586
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,000
Because I would come home

587
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,000
from San Diego to Orange County

588
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,000
on the weekends occasionally when I could.

589
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,000
And I would eventually just start to see

590
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,000
or he would stop texting me as much as he

591
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,000
know that would.

592
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,000
He used to send me like a lot of prayers every morning.

593
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,000
And then it started to slow down.

594
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,000
And

595
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,000
so he was battling with methamphetamine

596
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,000
addiction, Xanax

597
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,000
abuse. So we get a lot of

598
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,000
weed.

599
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,000
Mixing stuff all together.

600
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,000
And it was

601
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,000
getting pretty bad during COVID time.

602
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,000
Did it get worse

603
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,000
because of COVID, do you think, all the isolation

604
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,000
that we're all experiencing?

605
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,000
It did. I don't like to

606
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,000
blame COVID for it, for anything.

607
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,000
It's his choice.

608
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,000
But definitely like it's a better process

609
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,000
of using. Because I would come home

610
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,000
and I would say, where's Dad at?

611
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,000
And in the backyard cleaning the yard.

612
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,000
He's in like in a tree

613
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,000
and we have a big ass tree in

614
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,000
our backyard. He's like 30

615
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,000
feet out in the air with no

616
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,000
ropes. And he's like 65.

617
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,000
I ran with the fuck out of the tree.

618
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,000
Like I'll go do it.

619
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,000
And he fell

620
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,000
from 30 feet and snapped his leg.

621
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,000
And too stubborn

622
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,000
to call an ambulance.

623
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,000
Like crawl to like his

624
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,000
bed and then eventually my mom

625
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,000
got in there. But now he's better

626
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,000
at it. And with the cast on,

627
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,000
now he's using more.

628
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,000
So

629
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,000
that's the

630
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,000
start of like, it really started to spiral

631
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,000
after that.

632
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,000
So bring yourself

633
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,000
back into this kind of timeline then.

634
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,000
You're compartmentalizing

635
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,000
all these traumas yourself.

636
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,000
Where do you kind of get to a low point?

637
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,000
So I went to

638
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,000
sniper school after my second deployment.

639
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,000
It was in January 2020.

640
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,000
And

641
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,000
finished that prior

642
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,000
before COVID started. And then

643
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,000
was just doing jujitsu, getting

644
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,000
ready for 2021 Yemen deployment.

645
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,000
And

646
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,000
I was locked in ready because I'm

647
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,000
pointing now. So I have a big responsibility

648
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,000
for my platoon.

649
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,000
And I was honored to like, to be

650
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,000
asked to do that job. So it's

651
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,000
not easy. And it's all a responsibility.

652
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,000
I wanted to carry that weight.

653
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,000
And now it's

654
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,000
March 2021.

655
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,000
I'm feeling good.

656
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,000
And I come home to see my family before I leave.

657
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,000
And my sister

658
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,000
was diagnosed with Crohn's disease.

659
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,000
Like in March 2021.

660
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,000
So she went from 130

661
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,000
pounds to 80 pounds.

662
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,000
In like two months.

663
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,000
And she

664
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,000
moved back home with my parents in Orange County.

665
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,000
So it was my dad, mom, sister.

666
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,000
And my dad was using

667
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,000
like so, so much.

668
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,000
It was like, I would see him for up three,

669
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,000
four days at a time.

670
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,000
Like just tweaked out on meth.

671
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,000
And I just,

672
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,000
I sat them all in like, in the

673
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,000
kitchen.

674
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,000
And

675
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,000
I told him, I was like, if I had to come back

676
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,000
and save you, I'm going to

677
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,000
reserve you for my whole entire life.

678
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,000
And he said,

679
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,000
okay.

680
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,000
And I went on deployment

681
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,000
a month later.

682
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,000
So I went on deployment.

683
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,000
And

684
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,000
now it's July.

685
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,000
So a few months later in

686
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,000
the time it's going good.

687
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,000
Yemen's a shit hole country. It's pretty

688
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,000
crazy to see

689
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,000
doing some like

690
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,000
special reconnaissance ops, stuff like that.

691
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,000
And it's July.

692
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,000
I get a text from

693
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,000
my neighbor.

694
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,000
And I'm like,

695
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,000
my neighbor.

696
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,000
And he's like, I found

697
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,000
your sister in a pool of blood in the bathtub.

698
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,000
And

699
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:42,000
I guess she has

700
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,000
Crohn's disease so she's bleeding a lot.

701
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,000
And I was like, fuck.

702
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,000
And then

703
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,000
my dad was high on meth

704
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,000
and carried her to the ambulance.

705
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,000
Which I imagine was like

706
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,000
brutal to like see

707
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,000
your daughter in that state also being

708
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,000
high.

709
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,000
And then she texted me asking me to come home early.

710
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,000
And I was like,

711
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,000
yeah, things are bad. But I'm also like,

712
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,000
this is also my family of

713
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,000
my own.

714
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,000
And I was like,

715
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,000
this is also my family overseas too.

716
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,000
So I like

717
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,000
waited that decision for a while, like a couple of weeks,

718
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,000
almost a month.

719
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,000
And then I eventually made the decision to come home early.

720
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,000
My chief let me come back

721
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,000
early.

722
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,000
And I didn't tell my dad, I just wanted to

723
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,000
like see what state

724
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,000
he was in with the drugs.

725
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,000
So I

726
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,000
showed up

727
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:44,000
in the door and he was stuck for five days on a meth

728
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,000
bender

729
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,000
talking to shadow people.

730
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,000
Having like full blown conversations

731
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,000
with like someone sitting in the chair

732
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,000
that was non-existent.

733
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,000
It was really crazy like to see

734
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,000
that.

735
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,000
Heartbreaking for sure.

736
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,000
When I think about these multiple

737
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,000
day benders,

738
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,000
and then I think about the sleep deprivation

739
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,000
in my community and the forced sleep deprivation

740
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,000
in Hell Week,

741
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,000
you can just see how it's a

742
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,000
vicious circle once people are on this

743
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,000
kind of drug

744
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,000
journey when they're on

745
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,000
an amphetamine. Now they're staying

746
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,000
up. Now they're getting more psychosis.

747
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,000
Now they're taking more drugs to deal with it.

748
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,000
And it's just getting worse and worse and worse.

749
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,000
Exactly.

750
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,000
Like you go very like five and I have so much

751
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,000
respect for five and

752
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,000
like working like

753
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,000
multiple days, like

754
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,000
calls throughout the night. So you're not even getting REM sleep.

755
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,000
You're just constantly up.

756
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,000
You know, through the sirens like

757
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,000
so you guys know exactly what

758
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,000
I mean.

759
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,000
But you're talking like

760
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,000
crazy stuff like talking about

761
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,000
blazing infernos,

762
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,000
like fire, just

763
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,000
dark. Like the devil was like just

764
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,000
taunting him. Really what

765
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,000
it was.

766
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,000
And so I like, my god

767
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,000
was telling me to get my sister and my

768
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,000
mom to a hotel room.

769
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,000
Because my sister is better than she

770
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,000
couldn't even walk.

771
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,000
And my mom

772
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,000
lived upstairs. My sister was

773
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,000
living downstairs in my old room.

774
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,000
And so I moved into a hotel room

775
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,000
and then I told my

776
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,000
dad I'm going to come back and

777
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,000
go back to the house

778
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,000
after I check in in San Diego 13.

779
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,000
So I went back down there

780
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,000
on like Wednesday

781
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,000
or Thursday.

782
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,000
I came back a day later on Friday. Or no I didn't

783
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,000
come back. I was at the Potters game

784
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,000
with my best friend.

785
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,000
Just like trying to decompress the whole like

786
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,000
process. Because I

787
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,000
made the decision to get out of the Navy.

788
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,000
After seeing

789
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,000
all that. So I had a few months

790
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,000
on my contract.

791
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,000
And then I got a FaceTime call

792
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,000
from my neighbor.

793
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,000
Which he's

794
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,000
never even called me in my life. So

795
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,000
it's like, I picked up the

796
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:06,000
phone and I was like fuck.

797
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:10,000
And my house was engulfed in flames.

798
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,000
I was so

799
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,000
angry at my dad for that.

800
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,000
And I didn't know

801
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,000
if he was like in the house still while I was

802
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,000
burning.

803
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,000
So I drove

804
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:30,000
to Orange County and

805
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,000
the fire was put out like a few hours later.

806
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,000
And

807
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:36,000
you know I went to jail for

808
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,000
felony arson.

809
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,000
And it was like midnight. I was walking through my

810
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,000
house.

811
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,000
That Boston Marathon picture is gone.

812
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:48,000
The room my sister

813
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:50,000
was staying in was burning.

814
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,000
Yeah.

815
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,000
Everything was torched bro. It was bad.

816
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,000
It's like my

817
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,000
house was all about gasoline everywhere.

818
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,000
So where do you go from there?

819
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,000
I mean your dad's

820
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,000
incarcerated now.

821
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,000
The rest of your family is in a hotel room.

822
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,000
You're standing in the smoldering.

823
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,000
What was your home? Not just a building.

824
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,000
Which is why we always chastise firefighters

825
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,000
about taking pictures in front of structure fires.

826
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,000
Because like you said, it's the little things.

827
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,000
It's the Boston Marathon

828
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:28,000
picture. It's all, it's what that

829
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,000
building meant to these people.

830
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,000
It's so important that we're respectful

831
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,000
around that time as well.

832
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,000
So how do you move forward from that?

833
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,000
So I started doing jujitsu at

834
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,000
10th Planet Orange.

835
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,000
Two days.

836
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,000
Just to like, I was so

837
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,000
mad at my dad. He broke our family

838
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,000
apart.

839
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,000
I needed to like, grab myself

840
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,000
and just stay busy.

841
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,000
So jujitsu did that for me.

842
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,000
I was training in the morning.

843
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,000
Would lift weights in the afternoon.

844
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,000
Do jujitsu again.

845
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,000
I was competing a lot.

846
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,000
And

847
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,000
I said

848
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,000
fuck my dad. I was like, I'm done

849
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,000
with you.

850
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,000
And

851
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,000
my full family hated him.

852
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,000
Just living in the

853
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,000
hotel with my sister and mom. Just taking

854
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,000
care of him.

855
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,000
And I was driving to jujitsu on

856
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,000
open night on a Sunday. And I see my dad

857
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,000
walking home once outside of the street.

858
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,000
After he got out of jail, he was like, waiting for

859
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,000
his charges and stuff.

860
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,000
And I was like,

861
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,000
what the fuck happened, man?

862
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,000
Because he's like the epitome of

863
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,000
like, the best dad in the world.

864
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:46,000
Like, raised us.

865
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,000
Taught us all these like, um,

866
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,000
like, who I am because of my dad.

867
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,000
I'm like, how did I get here?

868
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,000
And that was my first

869
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,000
like, come to Jesus

870
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:00,000
moment. Everybody want to call it to like, help

871
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,000
him? Because everyone disowned

872
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,000
him.

873
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,000
So I was like, how do I do that?

874
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,000
I was just thinking of solutions.

875
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,000
He was

876
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,000
uh,

877
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,000
I haven't shared this before, but

878
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,000
he was homeless. And then

879
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,000
he was living inside the burnt house.

880
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,000
In the garage.

881
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,000
My dude, no human

882
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,000
like, you're going to die from cancer in like a month

883
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,000
if you stay here. That type of shit.

884
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,000
So, I was

885
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,000
at open, I was at Jujitsu again

886
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,000
in January.

887
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,000
The house fire happened in August 2021, so

888
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,000
it's four or five months later.

889
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,000
And

890
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,000
the sky sits next to me.

891
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,000
And it was like, are you okay?

892
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,000
And I've never met this dude ever.

893
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,000
I'm like, the fuck is this guy?

894
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,000
I'm fucking with it or something.

895
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,000
And I was like, not really.

896
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,000
I'm not really, I'm not really that good.

897
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,000
And he started talking to me about

898
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,000
psyched out therapy. He was a

899
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:04,000
Marine vet. And

900
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,000
I was like, I've done psilocybin and

901
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:08,000
plant medicine

902
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,000
therapy. And he brought up Ayahuasca

903
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:12,000
ceremony. And I said, I'm in dude.

904
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,000
I like, I needed healing. Because I

905
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:16,000
wanted to heal myself before I helped my dad.

906
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,000
Because I was like, I'm all fucked up.

907
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,000
I'm not used to no one.

908
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,000
So, I

909
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,000
geared up for June

910
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,000
2022 Ayahuasca

911
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,000
ceremony.

912
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,000
And, yeah.

913
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,000
Talk to me about the experience.

914
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,000
I mean, your community, especially with

915
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,000
the Ibogaine down in Mexico. I mean,

916
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,000
I've heard so many success

917
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,000
stories. And obviously, it's not

918
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,000
a magic pill. They're involved,

919
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,000
you know, the being led

920
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,000
through the ceremony and obviously all the work

921
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,000
with what you've unpacked once you come out

922
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,000
the other end. But I've heard,

923
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,000
you know, the kind of,

924
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,000
you know, the God molecule, 5-miodmT

925
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,000
element where people really kind of realize,

926
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,000
you know, what this is actually about

927
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,000
and how we're all connected.

928
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,000
You know, I've had some people that have had the opposite.

929
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:08,000
Some pretty horrific experiences. So,

930
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,000
what was your actual personal

931
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:12,000
journey and experience like through Ayahuasca?

932
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,000
So, it was a two day ceremony

933
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,000
Friday, Saturday.

934
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,000
Before, when I was writing intentions down,

935
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,000
what do I, when am I trying to get

936
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,000
out of this experience, this medicine?

937
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,000
I didn't want to over clutter

938
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,000
my brain and have a list of like a hundred

939
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:30,000
things. I feel like it would be too much.

940
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,000
So, my shaman said just three or four top

941
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,000
the big ones in your life.

942
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,000
My first one was

943
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,000
release anger towards my dad

944
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,000
and hatred I felt.

945
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:42,000
And two was,

946
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,000
you know,

947
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,000
like, try to feel

948
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,000
again like a human emotion.

949
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:50,000
Because I just

950
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,000
compartmentalized everything. It was like

951
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,000
dead inside.

952
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,000
And then three was get closer to my faith in

953
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,000
God. So, it's Friday

954
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,000
night. First night of the ceremony.

955
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,000
And I'm sitting in the living room.

956
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,000
And

957
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,000
there's ten women on one side, ten men on the

958
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,000
other side. And the shaman's to our left

959
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,000
playing music, guiding us through

960
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,000
our experience.

961
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,000
So, I'm just sitting there with my eyes closed.

962
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,000
Having some pretty

963
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,000
crazy visuals.

964
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,000
And I felt like a

965
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,000
very strong wind gust in the room.

966
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,000
I pop my eye open

967
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,000
and was looking around. No fan

968
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,000
on, no door open.

969
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,000
I was like, that's really weird. As soon as I eyes opened

970
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,000
it stopped blowing at me.

971
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,000
Closed my eyes like two minutes later

972
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,000
again. And then I pop

973
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,000
like one eye open and just like, swinted.

974
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,000
And all the women were crying

975
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,000
at the same time

976
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,000
in unison. And they were like

977
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,000
blowing air at me. They were like,

978
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,000
like this. And I was like, what the fuck?

979
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:50,000
I was looking at

980
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:52,000
all of them. And their eyes are

981
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,000
closed. They're not even looking at me. They're just doing this.

982
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,000
And I saw like that women

983
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,000
nurture love. Like, could join

984
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:00,000
in the middle of the room. And they like

985
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,000
started to come towards me. And I was like,

986
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,000
oh.

987
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:06,000
And it went in my stomach

988
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,000
and I looked down and my stomach was a burning

989
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,000
infernal pit. My dad.

990
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,000
And I just watched like the fire build.

991
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:22,000
It was like all hatred. It was like

992
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,000
anger. I was like,

993
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:26,000
I thought I was having a stroke.

994
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,000
That's how angry

995
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:32,000
I was at him. And

996
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,000
it just built up. I watched it go up my neck.

997
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,000
My head fell back. My eyes opened and

998
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,000
flame thunders flew out of my eyes.

999
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,000
It like

1000
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,000
dissipated all the hatred towards my dad.

1001
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,000
In like fucking ten minutes.

1002
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,000
It was done.

1003
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:48,000
And then it was like,

1004
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,000
I love you. I forgive you.

1005
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,000
I felt what like love was

1006
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,000
again. Because I like didn't feel like for so long.

1007
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,000
Especially from like a woman.

1008
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,000
I was like, what is this stuff?

1009
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,000
I was like

1010
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,000
didn't know what it was.

1011
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,000
And I was like overwhelmed by it.

1012
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,000
And I was healed my first intention

1013
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,000
in fucking an hour.

1014
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,000
It's crazy.

1015
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,000
Credible.

1016
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,000
That was a

1017
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,000
that was the first night.

1018
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,000
Went to bed. Had a little breakfast.

1019
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:26,000
Said a prayer. Night two.

1020
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,000
I was flying through cosmic space

1021
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,000
on the second side doll experience.

1022
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,000
It was like

1023
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,000
the most beautiful color. It was like colors that were

1024
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,000
on the rainbow. Like in the color chart.

1025
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,000
It was crazy.

1026
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,000
And I was flying through like first person

1027
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,000
point of view. Through cosmic

1028
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:44,000
space. And there was no like words.

1029
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,000
There was no people. It was like

1030
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:50,000
just energy of like everything together.

1031
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,000
And

1032
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,000
I said in my head. I was like

1033
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:56,000
what am I right now?

1034
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,000
And I heard the chuckle like a little giggle

1035
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:00,000
laugh. And I

1036
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:02,000
opened my eyes and like no one was laughing at me.

1037
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,000
Obviously. I closed my

1038
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,000
eyes and I said what is this place? And he said

1039
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,000
I just looked up and I was like

1040
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,000
this globe like light.

1041
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,000
I felt like God's presence.

1042
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,000
Or like everything. Everyone.

1043
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,000
All love. And he said this

1044
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,000
is where you came from. This is where you're going to go to

1045
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,000
when you die.

1046
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,000
And my interpretation of that was I went to the

1047
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:24,000
heavens gates and

1048
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,000
saw the like

1049
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,000
most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.

1050
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,000
And

1051
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:32,000
then I said a prayer for my dad.

1052
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,000
I just prayed that he

1053
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,000
reaches out and asks for help.

1054
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,000
Because he was still avoiding

1055
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:42,000
or not taking ownership of what he did and not wanting

1056
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,000
the help.

1057
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,000
And then the ceremony ended and I went to Jiu Jitsu

1058
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,000
Monday two days later.

1059
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:50,000
And

1060
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:52,000
he calls me like I haven't talked

1061
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,000
about months. And he said

1062
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,000
he didn't say hi.

1063
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:58,000
He's like I bet everybody could help.

1064
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,000
So.

1065
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,000
All the intentions are answered.

1066
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,000
Yeah.

1067
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,000
Amazing. Going back to

1068
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,000
the comment you made because I think so

1069
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,000
many people listening can relate to this.

1070
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,000
They just everything's almost

1071
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,000
like gray. You don't

1072
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,000
you have emotions but they're like

1073
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:22,000
a dampened version. It's like you turn

1074
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,000
the knob down to two.

1075
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,000
When did you

1076
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,000
remember feeling true

1077
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,000
love? Feeling properly. Like what

1078
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:32,000
age were you that your last

1079
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,000
memory before it kind of started going away?

1080
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:38,000
Dan.

1081
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:40,000
I've had that before.

1082
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,000
Think of that.

1083
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:44,000
Like I

1084
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:46,000
shut off my emotions before I left the Navy.

1085
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,000
So this was you know I was

1086
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,000
27, 28 during the

1087
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,000
ayahuasca ceremony.

1088
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,000
I don't think I felt

1089
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,000
or received the love

1090
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,000
that I was being shown till

1091
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:00,000
I was like 19 years old or

1092
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,000
something.

1093
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,000
A long time. Yeah.

1094
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,000
It was probably for my parents

1095
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,000
and my family. Yeah.

1096
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,000
Well listening to you

1097
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,000
at this you can just see this emotional

1098
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,000
tug of war between

1099
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,000
the disappointment and anger

1100
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,000
from your dad's behavior when he's

1101
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,000
under the influence and clearly this incredible

1102
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,000
father that you know is who you

1103
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,000
you would love. And this

1104
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:26,000
is I think a really important part the whole addiction

1105
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,000
conversation. It's become

1106
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,000
so judgmental. You know

1107
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,000
addicts, crackhead, bum, you know all

1108
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,000
these words that we use.

1109
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:36,000
But these are human beings

1110
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,000
that were brought up in a certain environment

1111
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,000
and you've kind of touched on you know how

1112
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,000
your dad was raised in Boston.

1113
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,000
And you know there's this void

1114
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:46,000
and they need this void to be filled with

1115
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,000
something. And okay you know sometimes the right

1116
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,000
mentors around there and it's filled with positive

1117
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:52,000
things and they end up flourishing.

1118
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,000
But more often than not it leads them down

1119
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,000
another path. And I think you know

1120
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:58,000
seeing that this is a person

1121
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:00,000
who is struggling not you

1122
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,000
know like we said a crackhead

1123
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,000
or you know whatever you want a tweaker

1124
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,000
whatever label we want to put on them

1125
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,000
it's so kind of

1126
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:10,000
palpable in all this

1127
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:12,000
conversation we've had so far

1128
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,000
that you this is unending love

1129
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,000
for your father but these constant

1130
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,000
blows from his addiction you know

1131
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,000
are pushing you away.

1132
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:26,000
Yeah well I change my views on like

1133
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,000
homeless people and people

1134
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,000
who are addicted to drugs

1135
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,000
or are. I want to like help

1136
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,000
them at least like

1137
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,000
give them the opportunity

1138
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,000
to give them perspective.

1139
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,000
So that's why I do podcasts is like

1140
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:42,000
it's not to tell

1141
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,000
I want to do anything I would never do that

1142
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,000
especially just like the plan medicine.

1143
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,000
It's more of like sharing a story to give them

1144
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,000
perspective on what it did for me

1145
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,000
and my family maybe it'll make

1146
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,000
them quickly think a little bit

1147
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,000
deeper and be like oh maybe this

1148
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,000
is an avenue I can take to help heal myself

1149
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,000
or someone I love.

1150
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,000
Someone who's going to do this.

1151
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,000
So it was like

1152
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,000
heartbreaking to see that from him

1153
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,000
but I just never quit like in the

1154
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,000
Natives. I couldn't

1155
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,000
once I made a decision to help him I was like I'm going to take

1156
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,000
this job

1157
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,000
at the very end. So

1158
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,000
now he said yes to

1159
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,000
he reached out for help and

1160
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,000
brought Alaska to him.

1161
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:26,000
Eventually he said yes.

1162
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,000
And he did in October

1163
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:30,000
six months after me.

1164
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:32,000
Got him through there to like

1165
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,000
weekly meetings with the

1166
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:36,000
weekly lunches with the shaman.

1167
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,000
Gave him like

1168
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,000
this is what it would be like more or less like how do I

1169
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:42,000
get there like the right diet beforehand.

1170
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,000
And he

1171
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,000
goes by himself and

1172
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,000
I see him two days after

1173
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:50,000
for lunch.

1174
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,000
And

1175
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,000
you know

1176
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,000
like me he had like a veil of like

1177
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,000
dead eyes for a long time.

1178
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,000
And his eyes were glowing like

1179
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:06,000
like he was

1180
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,000
reborn. It's crazy.

1181
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:10,000
And he started

1182
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:12,000
like tearing up in front of me which he's

1183
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,000
never like cried in front of me.

1184
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:16,000
Especially in a public setting I was like

1185
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,000
what is happening. And I was like

1186
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:20,000
really happy because I could see it.

1187
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:22,000
And he said something

1188
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,000
beyond I forget. He's like

1189
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,000
besides the birth of my children this

1190
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,000
is the best thing. And suddenly he done it

1191
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,000
for me.

1192
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,000
And

1193
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,000
just started melting dude. I was like fuck.

1194
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,000
Powerful.

1195
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,000
I was so happy.

1196
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,000
Forever.

1197
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:46,000
Amazing.

1198
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:48,000
I had a firefighter

1199
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:50,000
I was connected with who

1200
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,000
was struggling

1201
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,000
so hard and alcohol was his

1202
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,000
addiction.

1203
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:58,000
But he had done the work. He'd done

1204
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:00,000
some counseling. He tried ketamine.

1205
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:02,000
But even with the ketamine they had hooked

1206
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:04,000
him up and walked out. They hadn't done

1207
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,000
the therapy that's supposed to go along with

1208
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,000
the ketamine that's flowing through your veins.

1209
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:10,000
So he thought he was doing

1210
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:12,000
the right things but was not finding any

1211
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,000
success. And

1212
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:16,000
got him connected with an ayahuasca

1213
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:18,000
retreat in Houston

1214
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,000
with a friend of mine.

1215
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:22,000
And you know

1216
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:24,000
when someone goes off and does something like that

1217
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:26,000
you're always praying that it works because

1218
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:28,000
his comment to me was

1219
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:30,000
if this doesn't work then that's

1220
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:32,000
it. And I've had a friend of mine who was also

1221
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,000
an alcoholic.

1222
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,000
And his final

1223
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,000
rehab

1224
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:40,000
admittance he said the same thing to me. If this

1225
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,000
doesn't work I'm done. And we all know what that

1226
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,000
means. So from

1227
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:46,000
after the other, you know on the other side

1228
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,000
I talked to him and they said

1229
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,000
the first day he's like James

1230
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:52,000
I thought this was bullshit. Nothing happened.

1231
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,000
I'm like what a waste of fucking time.

1232
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,000
He said the second

1233
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,000
day I submitted to the

1234
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:00,000
medicine. And

1235
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:02,000
it's funny because he kind of reiterates what your dad

1236
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,000
said. He said

1237
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:06,000
including the birth of my children

1238
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,000
and becoming a firefighter

1239
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:10,000
this was the

1240
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,000
most powerful experience of my entire

1241
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,000
life. And it saved

1242
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,000
his life. And you look at

1243
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,000
the people that you lost to suicide

1244
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,000
and as I sit here

1245
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,000
in Florida we just had a suicide in my

1246
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:24,000
town with a visiting

1247
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,000
firefighter who was at a firefighter

1248
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:28,000
memorial ceremony of all things.

1249
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,000
And then Miami Beach

1250
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,000
I understand just lost one as well.

1251
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,000
So this is why these stories

1252
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,000
are so important. This is why I'm so glad that

1253
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:38,000
you came on the podcast. And we'll

1254
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,000
carry on the journey. But you know

1255
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,000
it's not a magic pill

1256
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:44,000
but it's a tool in the toolbox that most

1257
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,000
people aren't aware of.

1258
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,000
And that gives them hope.

1259
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,000
Then you start unpacking all the things

1260
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,000
and doing the work and repairing relationships

1261
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:54,000
and everything else is still left to do.

1262
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,000
But this is saving lives

1263
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:58,000
and it needs to be at the forefront.

1264
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,000
It really does.

1265
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,000
I totally agree.

1266
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,000
It's like the stigma of like

1267
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,000
drugs are bad or

1268
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:08,000
you know, putting like

1269
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:10,000
an illegal label on them.

1270
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:12,000
This medicine, what I want to say

1271
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:14,000
comes from Mother Earth.

1272
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:16,000
How can you guys put

1273
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:18,000
a label of it's bad. But that's where we

1274
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,000
come in and share stories and

1275
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,000
change that persona, like what it actually is.

1276
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,000
With the suicide

1277
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:28,000
just to backtrack a tiny bit.

1278
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:30,000
A couple months before my

1279
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:32,000
ceremony my dad

1280
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:34,000
called me and he was

1281
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:36,000
down his wall. He was like

1282
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:38,000
trying to

1283
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,000
describe how he was going to kill himself.

1284
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:42,000
I was like, I need to fucking hurry up.

1285
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,000
He was going to do it and

1286
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,000
just

1287
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:50,000
if I could drive like a hundred miles an hour to him

1288
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:58,000
just gave him a hug. Said I love you.

1289
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,000
Like

1290
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,000
I'm glad that happened.

1291
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:04,000
Because everyone abandoned him

1292
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,000
so he didn't have anyone else.

1293
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,000
We ended up getting him off the bridge

1294
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:12,000
and

1295
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:14,000
then he got healed

1296
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,000
not long after.

1297
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:18,000
Incredible.

1298
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,000
It's amazing.

1299
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,000
Well the other thing as well is that you didn't give up.

1300
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,000
I think this is the point.

1301
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:26,000
Someone might be a fire department,

1302
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:28,000
might be a family member. They go to rehab

1303
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:30,000
once and they come out and they relapse.

1304
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,000
Well that, you know, it didn't work.

1305
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:34,000
And if you listen to most people in their

1306
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,000
recovery stories, it takes

1307
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:38,000
several attempts over and over and over

1308
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:40,000
again. And if someone just disowns them

1309
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,000
or terminates them from a fire department

1310
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,000
or whatever the thing is when someone's struggling

1311
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:46,000
and they need our help, then

1312
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:48,000
you've just cut off all lifelines

1313
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,000
then. So I understand that

1314
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,000
some people make it near impossible

1315
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,000
and that's why, you know, like you said,

1316
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:56,000
treatment facilities and some of these other halfway

1317
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:58,000
houses might be a valuable tool.

1318
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:00,000
But to just turning your back

1319
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,000
on them, you're basically signing

1320
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,000
the death certificate. So if we

1321
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:06,000
really love these people, we have to keep

1322
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,000
being there for them. Even if

1323
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:10,000
physically they can't because they're a liability.

1324
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,000
At least, you know, communication

1325
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:14,000
wise, and this is what you did. You never gave up

1326
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:16,000
on your dad.

1327
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:18,000
Yeah,

1328
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,000
I did. There's like, I love him

1329
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:22,000
so much and he's like such a good human.

1330
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:24,000
Everyone loves him. Like all

1331
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:26,000
my friends. He just has

1332
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:28,000
like little demons that we all have.

1333
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:30,000
And, you know,

1334
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,000
just lapses of

1335
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:34,000
judgment and decision making.

1336
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,000
And you just need some support.

1337
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:38,000
And just carried

1338
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:40,000
the burden away for a while.

1339
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:42,000
Really heavy. But

1340
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:44,000
I would do it over it the same way.

1341
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:46,000
Just never giving up.

1342
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,000
You'd be surprised, you know,

1343
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:50,000
if your viewers are saying like, you know, James

1344
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:52,000
but like, if you never quit on something,

1345
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,000
you'll never know how to.

1346
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:56,000
So just never quitting my life.

1347
00:57:56,000 --> 00:57:58,000
And keep trucking along.

1348
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:02,000
Well, when people say as well, they make bad decisions.

1349
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,000
Let's go back to where your dad

1350
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,000
was, you know, three or four days

1351
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,000
benders. So completely seep deprived.

1352
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,000
His brain isn't working

1353
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,000
the way a brain is supposed to work. And

1354
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:14,000
this is what we talk about with the first responders.

1355
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:16,000
After years and years of the shift

1356
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:18,000
work, they literally

1357
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:20,000
the brain's reality is distorted.

1358
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,000
And this is where I always reiterate with the

1359
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:24,000
the suicide conversation.

1360
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:26,000
The old school mentality was

1361
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,000
oh, it's selfish, it's cowardly.

1362
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:30,000
And you listen to people that have been there.

1363
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:32,000
And I've listened to hundreds of people that have been

1364
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:34,000
there. You start realizing

1365
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:36,000
that they truly believe

1366
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:38,000
that they were a burden to the

1367
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,000
people that they loved. And so if they

1368
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:42,000
get rid of themselves, well, all the pain

1369
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,000
goes away and my family will be OK.

1370
00:58:44,000 --> 00:58:46,000
It makes no sense to a healthy brain.

1371
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:48,000
But at that moment, it's actually

1372
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,000
courageous and selfless if you think about

1373
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,000
it. But it's up to us to pull them out of

1374
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:54,000
that because that's not the right way to thing.

1375
00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:56,000
But so when you say, oh, you

1376
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:58,000
just pull yourself together, make the right

1377
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:00,000
decisions. If your entire

1378
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:02,000
reality is distorted,

1379
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:04,000
your decision making is distorted.

1380
00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:06,000
So it's up to everyone else who isn't

1381
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:08,000
struggling to be that

1382
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:10,000
baseline, to be that doc that you

1383
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:12,000
can more on while you get yourself

1384
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,000
straight again.

1385
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:16,000
Exactly. Dr. Moran, like a pillar

1386
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:18,000
of strength for the Milan.

1387
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,000
So important because

1388
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:22,000
addicts, they already hate themselves.

1389
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:24,000
They already

1390
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,000
they talk bad about themselves. They get themselves

1391
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,000
down. They think they're a burden.

1392
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:30,000
So you can't come out to them and be like,

1393
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:32,000
you're an addict, you need help or

1394
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:34,000
necessarily attack them in that way or be like,

1395
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:36,000
you know,

1396
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:38,000
you're causing this disruption in my life.

1397
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:40,000
You need to come at them with a lot, a lot

1398
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:42,000
of love, as hard as it is.

1399
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,000
I love you, I miss you.

1400
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:46,000
How can I help you?

1401
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,000
That's like the

1402
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:50,000
that's what I found is like the right approach,

1403
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:52,000
at least for me,

1404
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:54,000
helping people is just show them

1405
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,000
love and just be there to

1406
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,000
talk to them. Just talk to them like

1407
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:00,000
even keeled. Don't

1408
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,000
start yelling at each other. It's not going to get anywhere.

1409
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:04,000
So it's super

1410
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,000
important.

1411
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:08,000
Yeah, I forget who it was now, but

1412
01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:10,000
someone told me about, you know, the intervention

1413
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:12,000
thing and they even had the TV shows.

1414
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:14,000
And I forget the percentage of

1415
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:16,000
success, but it was like

1416
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:18,000
10 or something like that percent, because

1417
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,000
again, you're pouring guilt and shame on someone

1418
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:22,000
who's drowning in guilt and shame. It makes no

1419
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:24,000
sense.

1420
01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:26,000
Yeah, I think it has to link to the fire, basically.

1421
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:28,000
No pun intended.

1422
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:32,000
Yeah,

1423
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:34,000
I lost my train of thought right there after

1424
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,000
I said that.

1425
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:38,000
I'll reel you back in.

1426
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:40,000
So, you know, you go through

1427
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:42,000
the ayahuasca, your dad goes through the ayahuasca,

1428
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,000
you see this, you know, incredible

1429
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:46,000
gleam in his eyes again.

1430
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:48,000
Walk me through up to present day

1431
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:50,000
with him specifically, like how

1432
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:52,000
has he been doing? What are other

1433
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:54,000
tools that he's found that actually

1434
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,000
improves his healing?

1435
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:58,000
Yeah, so he

1436
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:00,000
was healed, I was healed. We started

1437
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:02,000
to rebuild our connection, our relationship

1438
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:04,000
together. But everyone else

1439
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:06,000
in the family, my sisters,

1440
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,000
my mom, my brother, hate

1441
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:10,000
him still.

1442
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,000
So he started going to, again,

1443
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,000
a 6 a.m. prayer meeting

1444
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:16,000
so he would work out, I'd work out with him

1445
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:18,000
with weights and then he would go again at 7

1446
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:20,000
p.m. and he'd do that,

1447
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,000
excuse me, every day.

1448
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:24,000
And that's like his routine. He used to

1449
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,000
do that every day.

1450
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:28,000
We need to talk every day, whether it's a few

1451
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:30,000
texts, a phone call, we need to communicate

1452
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:32,000
and that's like his baseline of staying on

1453
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,000
track. He's been sober since

1454
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,000
ayahuasca. And that was

1455
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:38,000
October

1456
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,000
2022, so over

1457
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:42,000
two years. Amazing.

1458
01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:46,000
So I kept him on track

1459
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:48,000
and then we kept each other on track, really.

1460
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:50,000
He kept me on track just as much as I did him.

1461
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:52,000
And

1462
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:54,000
now I'm trying to connect like my mom

1463
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,000
back to him, my

1464
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:58,000
sisters and brother.

1465
01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:00,000
So the first one was

1466
01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:02,000
my sister

1467
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:04,000
and

1468
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:06,000
my niece, my dad's granddaughter

1469
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,000
the day of the house fire.

1470
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,000
And yeah, I'd never met

1471
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:14,000
her, but to this point, this was

1472
01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:16,000
January 2024.

1473
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,000
So

1474
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:20,000
they hadn't talked to him for years.

1475
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:22,000
And I was

1476
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:24,000
like, Sarah

1477
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:26,000
it would be cool for dad

1478
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:28,000
to meet his granddaughter. So

1479
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,000
she said only

1480
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,000
if you're there to mediate it.

1481
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:34,000
So we just went to lunch

1482
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:36,000
and I walked around the park

1483
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:38,000
in Long Beach. And

1484
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:40,000
the alcohol went great.

1485
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,000
Met his niece and

1486
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,000
now they talk all the time. Now he

1487
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:46,000
babysits her and has a

1488
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,000
relationship with his sister, his daughter

1489
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:50,000
and his granddaughter. So that

1490
01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:52,000
was the first one.

1491
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:54,000
My mom hates his guts. Like she's

1492
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:56,000
married to him for 40 years. Can only imagine

1493
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,000
how mad he was.

1494
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:00,000
And I brought up

1495
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:02,000
MDMA therapy

1496
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:04,000
that they use for

1497
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:06,000
first responders, combat veterans, people

1498
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:08,000
with PTSD. And she said

1499
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:10,000
no for the longest time.

1500
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,000
Like two years. And I'm not

1501
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:14,000
asking her to do it. I'm just giving her

1502
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:16,000
like, my mom's done it. It's amazing.

1503
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:18,000
It helps a lot of people. Here's some research

1504
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:20,000
articles on it.

1505
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,000
Eventually she said yes.

1506
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:24,000
And the deciding factor

1507
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:26,000
of that was I went up to her apartment

1508
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:28,000
and

1509
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,000
I didn't

1510
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:32,000
ask her to do anything. I just started

1511
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:34,000
crying randomly. Just saying

1512
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:36,000
like, it's like I'm super sad

1513
01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:38,000
to see you sad.

1514
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:42,000
And that was like the

1515
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:44,000
perspective she needed.

1516
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:46,000
And I ended up at home with her.

1517
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:48,000
So she

1518
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,000
ended up doing MDMA therapy.

1519
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:54,000
This amazing therapist that works with a lot of team

1520
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:56,000
guys and special operators.

1521
01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:58,000
And

1522
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:00,000
the therapist asked me to

1523
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:02,000
get handwritten letters from everyone

1524
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:04,000
in my family, including everyone

1525
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,000
in Boston.

1526
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:08,000
So I got the letters, put in an

1527
01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:10,000
envelope and my mom came over

1528
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:12,000
to give me a hug before.

1529
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:14,000
And I gave her the package and it had the therapist's

1530
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:16,000
name on it. She

1531
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:18,000
didn't know what it was. I said this is a gift for your therapist.

1532
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,000
She said okay.

1533
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:22,000
And it was all the letters inside.

1534
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:24,000
So she

1535
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:26,000
goes to the ceremony.

1536
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,000
And the therapist says stay up. I had been up all night

1537
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:30,000
because I didn't want my mom to

1538
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:32,000
she bailed on the ceremony

1539
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:34,000
two months prior.

1540
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:36,000
Like last minute. So I just

1541
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:38,000
stayed up and was going to like drive

1542
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:40,000
to her house if she didn't get here by 9am.

1543
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:44,000
Or she tried to call me the middle of the night back here. I was like

1544
01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:46,000
hell no.

1545
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:48,000
And then the therapist texted me

1546
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:50,000
with photos of my mom

1547
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:52,000
on this couch.

1548
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:54,000
Like

1549
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:56,000
melting away.

1550
01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:00,000
Like reading a letter

1551
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:02,000
from

1552
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:04,000
my dad.

1553
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,000
It was just like I love you. Sorry.

1554
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:08,000
It was incredible.

1555
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:10,000
I was so happy.

1556
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:12,000
So my mom really saw that

1557
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:14,000
hatred towards you too.

1558
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:16,000
And she's good now.

1559
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:18,000
She's like back to her old self.

1560
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:20,000
Crazy.

1561
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:22,000
Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

1562
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:24,000
Bob's good.

1563
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:26,000
My other sister that had Crohn's disease

1564
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:28,000
or has Crohn's disease.

1565
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:32,000
She's like such a hardworking

1566
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:34,000
independent woman.

1567
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:36,000
I love her so much but

1568
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:38,000
she just wouldn't like

1569
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:40,000
she just compartmentalized like I

1570
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,000
did with my dad.

1571
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:44,000
And I wrote a father's day

1572
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:46,000
post this year in June.

1573
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:50,000
And I had a photo of me hearing my dad in it.

1574
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:52,000
Just like I love you dad. Happy father's day type thing.

1575
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:54,000
And she calls me

1576
01:05:54,000 --> 01:05:56,000
and she's like take that fucking photo down right now.

1577
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:58,000
I look like shit.

1578
01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:00,000
And we were like 18 years old.

1579
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:02,000
15 or something in the picture.

1580
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:04,000
We all looked like shit back then.

1581
01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:06,000
Yeah. I was like and meeting my brain

1582
01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:08,000
was like that's not what

1583
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:10,000
she's actually mad about.

1584
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:12,000
And in my mind I was like oh

1585
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:14,000
she's still very

1586
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:16,000
very much mad at him.

1587
01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:18,000
And it hasn't really seen any of that anger.

1588
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:20,000
So I left the photo up. I said no.

1589
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:22,000
That was a dick move.

1590
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:24,000
But I felt my gut was telling me leave it up

1591
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:26,000
because she needs to like really

1592
01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:28,000
just like process why she's angry.

1593
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:30,000
She calls me like six

1594
01:06:30,000 --> 01:06:32,000
hours later and was

1595
01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:34,000
crying just saying

1596
01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:36,000
I didn't realize how angry I was.

1597
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:38,000
I was like I'm not going to do this.

1598
01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:40,000
I didn't realize how angry I was

1599
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:42,000
at him.

1600
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:44,000
And then she

1601
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,000
I was like it'd be cool if you texted him

1602
01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:50,000
happy father's day.

1603
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:52,000
And she did.

1604
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:54,000
So she had talked to him for

1605
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,000
three years.

1606
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:58,000
And now their

1607
01:06:58,000 --> 01:07:00,000
really relationship began.

1608
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:04,000
Good stuff.

1609
01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:06,000
Yeah. Amazing.

1610
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:08,000
The MDMA again I had

1611
01:07:08,000 --> 01:07:10,000
done that recreationally and

1612
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:12,000
danced and hugged a lot

1613
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:14,000
of people. And so I saw that it

1614
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:16,000
was I can see the potential

1615
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:18,000
of it in this. And I actually plan on doing that

1616
01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:20,000
particular therapy myself because it's not

1617
01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:22,000
a thing. But I feel

1618
01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:24,000
like that kind of

1619
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:26,000
journey will maybe open

1620
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:28,000
some boxes I didn't realize were there.

1621
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,000
You know what I mean? But so this

1622
01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:32,000
is the point though. You've got ayahuasca.

1623
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:34,000
You've got Ibogaine. You've got MDMA. You've got ketamine.

1624
01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:36,000
It's all this entire group

1625
01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:38,000
of other things. And then cambo

1626
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:40,000
and you know, Poyote and even more.

1627
01:07:40,000 --> 01:07:42,000
That people just you know

1628
01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:44,000
not even don't know about. They're told

1629
01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:46,000
not to know about it. It's evil. It's

1630
01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:48,000
the devil's letters. It's you know whatever it is.

1631
01:07:48,000 --> 01:07:50,000
And yet this is the

1632
01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:52,000
area where I'm seeing so

1633
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:54,000
much success. And yes then it can be combined

1634
01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:56,000
with talk therapy and EMDR and

1635
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:58,000
some of these other things if needed.

1636
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,000
But you know you have and I've

1637
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:02,000
underlined this a lot recently. The FDA

1638
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:04,000
denied MDMA

1639
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:06,000
led therapy to be

1640
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:08,000
used you know to be I guess

1641
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:10,000
prescribed, used medically.

1642
01:08:10,000 --> 01:08:12,000
And yet the

1643
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:14,000
FDA approved Oxycontin

1644
01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:16,000
which caused the immense opioid

1645
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,000
crisis that we have today. So you

1646
01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:20,000
know the more awakening we have

1647
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:22,000
on how effective a lot of these

1648
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,000
treatments are and how

1649
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:26,000
for example our Navy

1650
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:28,000
SEALs, they literally

1651
01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:30,000
fight for this country. Our firefighters

1652
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:32,000
and police and dispatchers and

1653
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,000
everyone else protects this country.

1654
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:36,000
And yet we have to go overseas

1655
01:08:36,000 --> 01:08:38,000
to get the treatment for what we

1656
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:40,000
see and what we have to do. I mean

1657
01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:42,000
it's just pure insanity. So listening

1658
01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:44,000
to not only the

1659
01:08:44,000 --> 01:08:46,000
person in uniform but the family around

1660
01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:48,000
them also being healed

1661
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:50,000
by these incredible you know plant

1662
01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:52,000
medicines or therapeutics.

1663
01:08:52,000 --> 01:08:54,000
Every single guest, every single layer

1664
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:56,000
I hope adds more and more

1665
01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:58,000
argument and debunks a lot of the fear

1666
01:08:58,000 --> 01:09:00,000
around these treatments.

1667
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:02,000
Absolutely and that's

1668
01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:04,000
getting too political but it's just a giant

1669
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:06,000
money you know spin

1670
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:08,000
machine giving pills

1671
01:09:08,000 --> 01:09:10,000
every month you know that don't

1672
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:12,000
work that actually makes everything way worse

1673
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:14,000
rather than going

1674
01:09:14,000 --> 01:09:16,000
to an ayahuasca ceremony and having

1675
01:09:16,000 --> 01:09:18,000
a full blown like

1676
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:20,000
I was like healed in a weekend

1677
01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:22,000
and I don't need any I don't take any pills

1678
01:09:22,000 --> 01:09:24,000
for to fix

1679
01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:26,000
me. It's just it was like a one stop shop

1680
01:09:26,000 --> 01:09:28,000
not say it was like a magic

1681
01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:30,000
pill but it gave me that big

1682
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:32,000
180 turn and now I have

1683
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:34,000
other things I do to keep me on the

1684
01:09:34,000 --> 01:09:36,000
track.

1685
01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:38,000
Jujitsu, my family, friends, my

1686
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:40,000
girlfriend now it's like

1687
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:42,000
it's such a big tool and people

1688
01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:44,000
are starting to like more and

1689
01:09:44,000 --> 01:09:46,000
more opening their eyes to

1690
01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:48,000
like thinking differently or thinking for themselves

1691
01:09:48,000 --> 01:09:50,000
or listening to people and their

1692
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:52,000
their stories.

1693
01:09:52,000 --> 01:09:54,000
This stuff's so powerful I didn't realize

1694
01:09:54,000 --> 01:09:56,000
like the reach or the effect it would have until I did

1695
01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:58,000
like my Britlands podcast

1696
01:09:58,000 --> 01:10:00,000
and the overwhelming amount of

1697
01:10:02,000 --> 01:10:04,000
messages was like people sharing

1698
01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:06,000
their life trauma with me that I've never met

1699
01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:08,000
and I was like who have you told this to

1700
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:10,000
and they're like no one and I'm like

1701
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:12,000
what? It was like

1702
01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:14,000
so special and like

1703
01:10:14,000 --> 01:10:16,000
I didn't take it lightly so I just

1704
01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:18,000
screenshot them and I put them in a hidden folder

1705
01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:20,000
just to look at

1706
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,000
and I was like this is my purpose

1707
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:24,000
is to help people

1708
01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:26,000
through sharing stories.

1709
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:28,000
Powerful men so

1710
01:10:28,000 --> 01:10:30,000
People use

1711
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:32,000
the word resilience you know I think a lot

1712
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:34,000
of times they think of you know

1713
01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:36,000
assault courses in the military selection

1714
01:10:36,000 --> 01:10:38,000
or you know the mazes

1715
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:40,000
that we do in the fire school

1716
01:10:40,000 --> 01:10:42,000
and oh that's how you become tough and resilient.

1717
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:44,000
What I realize is all

1718
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:46,000
resilience is is working through your

1719
01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:48,000
struggles, your traumas

1720
01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:50,000
and that becomes you know a badge of honor

1721
01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:52,000
it really does it becomes you know that analogy

1722
01:10:52,000 --> 01:10:54,000
of the Japanese pottery

1723
01:10:54,000 --> 01:10:56,000
with the gold glue that they use to be proud

1724
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:58,000
of your you know your scars

1725
01:10:58,000 --> 01:11:00,000
and this I think then puts

1726
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:02,000
hope into the mental

1727
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:04,000
health conversation the post-traumatic

1728
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:06,000
growth on the other side

1729
01:11:06,000 --> 01:11:08,000
over and over and over again

1730
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:10,000
you see that people aren't even

1731
01:11:10,000 --> 01:11:12,000
aren't just a better

1732
01:11:12,000 --> 01:11:14,000
version of themselves but they're also

1733
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:16,000
a beacon of light for other people

1734
01:11:16,000 --> 01:11:18,000
because they see you emerge out the

1735
01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:20,000
other end like how did you do that

1736
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:22,000
you know and then that because you're being vulnerable

1737
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:24,000
because you told your story today

1738
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:26,000
and you're a Navy SEAL

1739
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,000
then a lot of people that were kind of believing

1740
01:11:28,000 --> 01:11:30,000
this men don't cry you know rub some dirt

1741
01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:32,000
and it suck it up bullshit go

1742
01:11:32,000 --> 01:11:34,000
wait a second Zach was in tears

1743
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:36,000
talking about you know what he went through

1744
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:38,000
so maybe I'm not

1745
01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:40,000
a giant pussy maybe this is normal

1746
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:42,000
what I'm going through and I can

1747
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:44,000
you know get whatever my personal

1748
01:11:44,000 --> 01:11:46,000
toolbox looks like and

1749
01:11:46,000 --> 01:11:48,000
be that beacon for other people as well

1750
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:52,000
and you nailed it right there that was like the perfect

1751
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:54,000
like a

1752
01:11:54,000 --> 01:11:56,000
caption of what we're talking about is

1753
01:11:56,000 --> 01:11:58,000
like I'm crying

1754
01:11:58,000 --> 01:12:00,000
on camera in front of random people

1755
01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:02,000
and I'm a SEAL or I was a SEAL

1756
01:12:02,000 --> 01:12:04,000
like I don't care like

1757
01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:06,000
the ego is gone already it's been

1758
01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:08,000
a long time ago and

1759
01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:10,000
like I'm human I'm very

1760
01:12:10,000 --> 01:12:12,000
much average like

1761
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:14,000
to make it through SEAL training I was

1762
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:16,000
not a track star I was not a super

1763
01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:18,000
human just a regular

1764
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:20,000
person with like

1765
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:22,000
our phrase that uncommon desire to succeed

1766
01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:24,000
a common man with uncommon

1767
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:26,000
desire to succeed and just never

1768
01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:28,000
quitting don't quit on yourself

1769
01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:30,000
don't quit on your loved ones

1770
01:12:30,000 --> 01:12:32,000
there's always an answer

1771
01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:34,000
and don't be afraid to be vulnerable

1772
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:36,000
and ask for help lean on people

1773
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:38,000
don't feel like you're a burden

1774
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:40,000
and you know if you never quit

1775
01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:42,000
you'll literally never know how to

1776
01:12:42,000 --> 01:12:46,000
get back to life and that's like my life story in a nutshell.

1777
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:48,000
Well let me ask you this too because I think

1778
01:12:48,000 --> 01:12:50,000
one of the other ways of framing this

1779
01:12:50,000 --> 01:12:52,000
for the kind of naysayers are still

1780
01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:54,000
kind of buying into the stigma is

1781
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:56,000
the performance side. I had a

1782
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:58,000
guest on and he was a former

1783
01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:00,000
professional baseball player and we're talking about

1784
01:13:00,000 --> 01:13:02,000
flow state Logan Gellbridge

1785
01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:04,000
and he said you know for

1786
01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:06,000
to get into a flow state you need three things

1787
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:08,000
you need the 10,000

1788
01:13:08,000 --> 01:13:10,000
reps of training or hours of training

1789
01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:12,000
stress which again most

1790
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:14,000
of us in first responders or military we have

1791
01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:16,000
a version of both of those

1792
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:18,000
that he said and then you need a calm mind

1793
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:20,000
so to be the

1794
01:13:20,000 --> 01:13:22,000
best operator to be the best

1795
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:24,000
firefighter paramedic

1796
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:26,000
you need to address that maelstrom

1797
01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:28,000
in your mind you need to calm it so that you can get

1798
01:13:28,000 --> 01:13:30,000
in that flow state you can critically think you

1799
01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:32,000
can make life and death decisions when you

1800
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:34,000
need to so what have you seen as

1801
01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:36,000
far as your performance after this

1802
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:38,000
you know ayahuasca and beyond?

1803
01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:40,000
Yeah so

1804
01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:42,000
I'm very much introvert

1805
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:44,000
like shy I don't mind

1806
01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:46,000
sitting in a room full of people and not saying

1807
01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:48,000
anything not that I'm a weirdo but just

1808
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:50,000
shy by nature

1809
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:52,000
it's

1810
01:13:52,000 --> 01:13:54,000
helped me like even more so even after

1811
01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:56,000
steel training I harness

1812
01:13:56,000 --> 01:13:58,000
like all human emotions

1813
01:13:58,000 --> 01:14:00,000
and to be able to think even

1814
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:02,000
keeled not see red at all

1815
01:14:02,000 --> 01:14:04,000
and that's why like

1816
01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:06,000
when I could be in jujitsu and like

1817
01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:08,000
my friends are family watched me and they're like

1818
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:10,000
almost like you're like sleeping

1819
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:12,000
or like you're just like chilling in a chair

1820
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:14,000
and like my mind is so calm

1821
01:14:14,000 --> 01:14:16,000
just cause I've been through

1822
01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:18,000
so much cue and emotion

1823
01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:20,000
that I'm able to like I find

1824
01:14:20,000 --> 01:14:22,000
myself feeling these and I could just be

1825
01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:24,000
like toned down toned down

1826
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:26,000
toned up this and just keep them all level

1827
01:14:26,000 --> 01:14:28,000
and that helps you

1828
01:14:28,000 --> 01:14:30,000
just be stable

1829
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:32,000
and not make bad decisions

1830
01:14:32,000 --> 01:14:34,000
through

1831
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:36,000
anger or anything like that

1832
01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:38,000
so and that's

1833
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:40,000
transcribed into all my life like

1834
01:14:40,000 --> 01:14:42,000
I'm learning about my relationship

1835
01:14:42,000 --> 01:14:44,000
we're talking to my dad like

1836
01:14:44,000 --> 01:14:46,000
patience and

1837
01:14:46,000 --> 01:14:48,000
me asking for help like

1838
01:14:48,000 --> 01:14:50,000
everything all in one

1839
01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:52,000
super important

1840
01:14:52,000 --> 01:14:54,000
You mentioned earlier about

1841
01:14:54,000 --> 01:14:56,000
the ability to

1842
01:14:56,000 --> 01:14:58,000
receive love from a woman too

1843
01:14:58,000 --> 01:15:00,000
how has that shifted now

1844
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:02,000
because I think this is something that plagues a lot of

1845
01:15:02,000 --> 01:15:04,000
first responders we become this kind of

1846
01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:06,000
you know

1847
01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:08,000
armored version of ourselves

1848
01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:10,000
and we lose the ability to love or feel

1849
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:12,000
loved

1850
01:15:12,000 --> 01:15:14,000
Craig Washington I

1851
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:16,000
wasn't able to receive love

1852
01:15:16,000 --> 01:15:18,000
for a long time and

1853
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:20,000
I've been in a relationship

1854
01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,000
for six months now and it's like that first

1855
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:24,000
time like someone

1856
01:15:24,000 --> 01:15:26,000
showing me love and I'm like

1857
01:15:26,000 --> 01:15:28,000
fine I'll take it

1858
01:15:28,000 --> 01:15:30,000
before I was like

1859
01:15:30,000 --> 01:15:32,000
no

1860
01:15:32,000 --> 01:15:34,000
denying it was

1861
01:15:34,000 --> 01:15:36,000
not true or just being like

1862
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:38,000
I'm not worthy of it

1863
01:15:38,000 --> 01:15:40,000
am I deserving of it

1864
01:15:40,000 --> 01:15:42,000
and now I'm like after Birdman

1865
01:15:42,000 --> 01:15:44,000
Ryan's podcast

1866
01:15:44,000 --> 01:15:46,000
I do deserve it like I will take

1867
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:48,000
it and I'll give it back

1868
01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:50,000
as much as possible

1869
01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:52,000
and that's been the biggest thing this year

1870
01:15:52,000 --> 01:15:54,000
is like receiving love

1871
01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:56,000
and my life's

1872
01:15:56,000 --> 01:15:58,000
way better for it and it's hard to do

1873
01:15:58,000 --> 01:16:00,000
it took a long time but

1874
01:16:00,000 --> 01:16:02,000
it's important you have to love yourself

1875
01:16:02,000 --> 01:16:04,000
as well like

1876
01:16:04,000 --> 01:16:06,000
don't kick yourself down

1877
01:16:06,000 --> 01:16:08,000
love yourself

1878
01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:10,000
absolutely well Ryan's

1879
01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:12,000
one of the people that says I love

1880
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:14,000
you to me and vice versa

1881
01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:16,000
and I love this kind of movement again men

1882
01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:18,000
are telling each other that they love each other

1883
01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:20,000
you know I mean I went around the world with Ryan

1884
01:16:20,000 --> 01:16:22,000
on that 7X adventure and

1885
01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:24,000
you know just see what an incredible human

1886
01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:26,000
being he is like I do love that

1887
01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:28,000
guy you know so I think the ability to

1888
01:16:28,000 --> 01:16:30,000
obviously deeply love a partner

1889
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:32,000
but also you know

1890
01:16:32,000 --> 01:16:34,000
whether it's your team whether it's your

1891
01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:36,000
crew and a fire engine whether it's just

1892
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:38,000
the people in your community

1893
01:16:38,000 --> 01:16:40,000
I think that we've had that shut down so

1894
01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:42,000
much you know and it's you know all this kind

1895
01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:44,000
of ridiculous two dimensional rhetoric

1896
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:46,000
on what men are supposed to do

1897
01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:48,000
which is absolute bollocks because it's based on

1898
01:16:48,000 --> 01:16:50,000
actors in Hollywood normally

1899
01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:52,000
to refine the love of

1900
01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:54,000
everyone you know especially

1901
01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:56,000
you know

1902
01:16:56,000 --> 01:16:58,000
men being able to love other men

1903
01:16:58,000 --> 01:17:00,000
we were literally willing to die for each other

1904
01:17:00,000 --> 01:17:02,000
there's no greater love than that I don't know what is

1905
01:17:02,000 --> 01:17:04,000
you know

1906
01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:06,000
exactly yeah I told random people

1907
01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:08,000
I love you all the time now

1908
01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:10,000
it's like never pass

1909
01:17:10,000 --> 01:17:12,000
up an opportunity to say that just

1910
01:17:12,000 --> 01:17:14,000
tell it to your family randomly text it to them

1911
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:16,000
call them like

1912
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:18,000
they need to like I might change someone's life

1913
01:17:18,000 --> 01:17:20,000
especially tell them to like a random person

1914
01:17:20,000 --> 01:17:22,000
especially like male to male

1915
01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:24,000
like

1916
01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:26,000
it's not what we used to do

1917
01:17:26,000 --> 01:17:28,000
so like I said someone

1918
01:17:28,000 --> 01:17:30,000
and they were like started crying

1919
01:17:30,000 --> 01:17:32,000
and then opened up about something to deal with

1920
01:17:32,000 --> 01:17:34,000
like maybe they just needed to hear that

1921
01:17:34,000 --> 01:17:36,000
from someone especially from

1922
01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:38,000
another guy that's like

1923
01:17:38,000 --> 01:17:40,000
it's such

1924
01:17:40,000 --> 01:17:42,000
a easy but not easy thing

1925
01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:44,000
to do but people need to do it

1926
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:46,000
yeah same as

1927
01:17:46,000 --> 01:17:48,000
a simple hug it's amazing how you hug

1928
01:17:48,000 --> 01:17:50,000
some people and they hug you strongly

1929
01:17:50,000 --> 01:17:52,000
and you realize that they really needed that hug

1930
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:54,000
at that moment

1931
01:17:54,000 --> 01:17:56,000
exactly yeah that's full but

1932
01:17:56,000 --> 01:17:58,000
exactly

1933
01:17:58,000 --> 01:18:00,000
all right well then moving to what you're

1934
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:02,000
doing today then talk to me about

1935
01:18:02,000 --> 01:18:04,000
the weapons training that you're doing

1936
01:18:04,000 --> 01:18:06,000
and what the company offers

1937
01:18:06,000 --> 01:18:08,000
so Mike Odad

1938
01:18:08,000 --> 01:18:10,000
was on SEAL Team 7 he actually

1939
01:18:10,000 --> 01:18:12,000
put me through third phase in BUDS

1940
01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,000
and he started this company

1941
01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:16,000
Defense Strategies Group in 2020

1942
01:18:16,000 --> 01:18:18,000
and basically we teach

1943
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:20,000
firearms self defense to

1944
01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:22,000
you know moms dads

1945
01:18:22,000 --> 01:18:24,000
firearms safety courses

1946
01:18:24,000 --> 01:18:26,000
for kids

1947
01:18:26,000 --> 01:18:28,000
just teach people how to defend

1948
01:18:28,000 --> 01:18:30,000
themselves and their family in their home

1949
01:18:30,000 --> 01:18:32,000
and it's been

1950
01:18:32,000 --> 01:18:34,000
incredible I

1951
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:36,000
started I joined in DSG

1952
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:38,000
through Angel Gortez

1953
01:18:38,000 --> 01:18:40,000
who's an army ranger

1954
01:18:40,000 --> 01:18:42,000
he has this company called the O.G.

1955
01:18:42,000 --> 01:18:44,000
Pumpkin he was a gangster

1956
01:18:44,000 --> 01:18:46,000
yeah he you know

1957
01:18:46,000 --> 01:18:48,000
got out of that life

1958
01:18:48,000 --> 01:18:50,000
joined the army

1959
01:18:50,000 --> 01:18:52,000
now he gets back to his community and

1960
01:18:52,000 --> 01:18:54,000
met him at a Jiu Jitsu open mat

1961
01:18:54,000 --> 01:18:56,000
he threw for veterans and

1962
01:18:56,000 --> 01:18:58,000
you know I just chatted

1963
01:18:58,000 --> 01:19:00,000
up with him and he asked me to

1964
01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:02,000
if I wanted to be a guest instructor at the pistol

1965
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:04,000
shooting course because it was Angel and Mike

1966
01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:06,000
and a sitcher and then

1967
01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:08,000
they invited me a few more times and

1968
01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:10,000
then eventually asked me to join

1969
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:12,000
and sat down with them for almost

1970
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:14,000
two years

1971
01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:16,000
it's been incredible just

1972
01:19:16,000 --> 01:19:18,000
now like the purpose

1973
01:19:18,000 --> 01:19:20,000
my purpose is back and the brother I lost

1974
01:19:20,000 --> 01:19:22,000
when I left the Navy is reconnected

1975
01:19:22,000 --> 01:19:24,000
and I've never been happier

1976
01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:26,000
like oh those guys my life

1977
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:28,000
for that

1978
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:30,000
and we just opened a gym

1979
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,000
called Training Center LA

1980
01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:34,000
MMA

1981
01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:36,000
combatives gym so now we teach

1982
01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:38,000
Jiu Jitsu Muay Thai

1983
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:40,000
self defense classes

1984
01:19:40,000 --> 01:19:42,000
that was three months ago so

1985
01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:44,000
now we're full steam just trying to give back

1986
01:19:44,000 --> 01:19:46,000
our knowledge share our stories and

1987
01:19:46,000 --> 01:19:48,000
build a community of people

1988
01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:50,000
that are looking for purpose in

1989
01:19:50,000 --> 01:19:52,000
home and learn how to defend themselves

1990
01:19:52,000 --> 01:19:54,000
beautiful

1991
01:19:54,000 --> 01:19:56,000
what about

1992
01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:58,000
you mentioned about training kids

1993
01:19:58,000 --> 01:20:00,000
what's your philosophy on

1994
01:20:00,000 --> 01:20:02,000
educating children and

1995
01:20:02,000 --> 01:20:04,000
getting them familiar with firearms in an environment

1996
01:20:04,000 --> 01:20:06,000
where for example America where

1997
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:08,000
they just are everywhere at the moment

1998
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:10,000
versus keeping them away

1999
01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:12,000
and you know and not

2000
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:14,000
making them almost scared of them

2001
01:20:14,000 --> 01:20:16,000
and God forbid one day they come across

2002
01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:18,000
one by a mistake

2003
01:20:18,000 --> 01:20:20,000
exactly so

2004
01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:22,000
we're basically showing them like

2005
01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:24,000
you know if you see a gun don't touch it

2006
01:20:24,000 --> 01:20:26,000
get a parent but if you for whatever reason had

2007
01:20:26,000 --> 01:20:28,000
to this is how you clear and safe it

2008
01:20:28,000 --> 01:20:30,000
this is how it works these are the safety

2009
01:20:30,000 --> 01:20:32,000
rules like respect the firearm

2010
01:20:32,000 --> 01:20:34,000
but don't be scared of it

2011
01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:36,000
it's not a toy just a tool

2012
01:20:36,000 --> 01:20:38,000
it's

2013
01:20:38,000 --> 01:20:40,000
it's been fun working with them and teaching the kids

2014
01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:42,000
jujitsu classes like

2015
01:20:42,000 --> 01:20:44,000
just building hard men again

2016
01:20:44,000 --> 01:20:46,000
strong kids like

2017
01:20:46,000 --> 01:20:48,000
you know get off your phone and

2018
01:20:48,000 --> 01:20:50,000
scrap each other and like

2019
01:20:50,000 --> 01:20:52,000
this is the martial arts way

2020
01:20:52,000 --> 01:20:54,000
like be kind to people

2021
01:20:54,000 --> 01:20:56,000
don't be a bully but if

2022
01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:58,000
you have to defend yourself you're

2023
01:20:58,000 --> 01:21:00,000
you know your brother or sister your family

2024
01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:02,000
then you have the tools to do that

2025
01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:04,000
and just building

2026
01:21:04,000 --> 01:21:06,000
building strong people again because we live

2027
01:21:06,000 --> 01:21:08,000
in a weak society so

2028
01:21:08,000 --> 01:21:10,000
or changing that course

2029
01:21:10,000 --> 01:21:12,000
changing the course absolutely

2030
01:21:12,000 --> 01:21:14,000
yeah I said this the other day on

2031
01:21:14,000 --> 01:21:16,000
an interview I think it was one of the gracies

2032
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:18,000
that said this but if every child

2033
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:20,000
was taught jujitsu or a martial

2034
01:21:20,000 --> 01:21:22,000
arts you know a lot of the bullying

2035
01:21:22,000 --> 01:21:24,000
would go away and it's not

2036
01:21:24,000 --> 01:21:26,000
that everyone will be tough and be able to fight the

2037
01:21:26,000 --> 01:21:28,000
bullies it's the fact that the bullies themselves

2038
01:21:28,000 --> 01:21:30,000
will be humbled and start

2039
01:21:30,000 --> 01:21:32,000
learning you know the respect and

2040
01:21:32,000 --> 01:21:34,000
the teamwork and you know

2041
01:21:34,000 --> 01:21:36,000
all the elements that martial arts do bring

2042
01:21:36,000 --> 01:21:38,000
and I agree 100% I mean you know as

2043
01:21:38,000 --> 01:21:40,000
we all know most bullies are cowards and

2044
01:21:40,000 --> 01:21:42,000
they're just trying to make themselves

2045
01:21:42,000 --> 01:21:44,000
feel better by dragging someone down well the

2046
01:21:44,000 --> 01:21:46,000
martial arts will lift that person up

2047
01:21:46,000 --> 01:21:48,000
you know because they've probably got weak men at home

2048
01:21:48,000 --> 01:21:50,000
if they're becoming a bully so

2049
01:21:50,000 --> 01:21:52,000
the mentors in the martial arts gym

2050
01:21:52,000 --> 01:21:54,000
maybe would fill that void and

2051
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:56,000
maybe that would even permeate back to the parents

2052
01:21:56,000 --> 01:21:58,000
and elevate them too

2053
01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:00,000
I totally agree

2054
01:22:00,000 --> 01:22:02,000
bullies are basically people with

2055
01:22:02,000 --> 01:22:04,000
massive insecurities there's like

2056
01:22:04,000 --> 01:22:06,000
I say it's a lot of insecurities loud

2057
01:22:06,000 --> 01:22:08,000
and bullies are very loud insecure

2058
01:22:08,000 --> 01:22:10,000
have like trauma

2059
01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:12,000
that they're just putting on other people

2060
01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:14,000
to mask their own healing

2061
01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:16,000
it just keeps getting passed down

2062
01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:18,000
by generation to generation so if you break that

2063
01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:20,000
mold when they're young then they won't be able

2064
01:22:20,000 --> 01:22:22,000
to pass it down like down the bloodline

2065
01:22:22,000 --> 01:22:24,000
forever eventually just get stopped in

2066
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:26,000
the middle and they could rebuild from there

2067
01:22:26,000 --> 01:22:28,000
absolutely

2068
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:30,000
well I want to shift some closing

2069
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:32,000
questions so I can be mindful of your time

2070
01:22:32,000 --> 01:22:34,000
the first one I love to ask

2071
01:22:34,000 --> 01:22:36,000
is there a book or are there books

2072
01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:38,000
that you love to recommend it can be related

2073
01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:40,000
to our discussion today or completely

2074
01:22:40,000 --> 01:22:42,000
unrelated

2075
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:44,000
it's going to be a little funny answer

2076
01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:46,000
I've asked this one so far

2077
01:22:46,000 --> 01:22:48,000
I've never read a book start to finish

2078
01:22:48,000 --> 01:22:50,000
I failed at or I almost

2079
01:22:50,000 --> 01:22:52,000
failed at high school I cheated my way through high school

2080
01:22:52,000 --> 01:22:54,000
didn't want to read

2081
01:22:54,000 --> 01:22:56,000
the closest book though

2082
01:22:56,000 --> 01:22:58,000
that I read the most is the bible

2083
01:22:58,000 --> 01:23:00,000
and I read like prayers

2084
01:23:00,000 --> 01:23:02,000
every morning or on my app and

2085
01:23:02,000 --> 01:23:04,000
I

2086
01:23:04,000 --> 01:23:06,000
recommend that

2087
01:23:06,000 --> 01:23:08,000
and I do a lot

2088
01:23:08,000 --> 01:23:10,000
of research things so I find topics that

2089
01:23:10,000 --> 01:23:12,000
intrigue me

2090
01:23:12,000 --> 01:23:14,000
keeps doing that and

2091
01:23:14,000 --> 01:23:16,000
I would say just pick a topic

2092
01:23:16,000 --> 01:23:18,000
that you're interested in

2093
01:23:18,000 --> 01:23:20,000
and then just

2094
01:23:20,000 --> 01:23:22,000
find a book that is recommended like

2095
01:23:22,000 --> 01:23:24,000
I can't necessarily give one because I haven't

2096
01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:26,000
read one start to finish but for me it was the bible

2097
01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:28,000
well the bible is a good

2098
01:23:28,000 --> 01:23:30,000
good one a lot of people love it

2099
01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:32,000
alright then what about films

2100
01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:34,000
and movies oh sorry films

2101
01:23:34,000 --> 01:23:36,000
and documentaries should I say

2102
01:23:36,000 --> 01:23:38,000
films I was

2103
01:23:38,000 --> 01:23:40,000
more cultured from movies

2104
01:23:40,000 --> 01:23:42,000
like gladiator the patriot

2105
01:23:42,000 --> 01:23:44,000
same proud ryan

2106
01:23:44,000 --> 01:23:46,000
shit like that like just

2107
01:23:46,000 --> 01:23:48,000
I like

2108
01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:50,000
just like violence

2109
01:23:50,000 --> 01:23:52,000
you know people

2110
01:23:52,000 --> 01:23:54,000
being skilled in their craft and I love

2111
01:23:54,000 --> 01:23:56,000
the way those movies were made

2112
01:23:56,000 --> 01:23:58,000
I also really like documentary

2113
01:23:58,000 --> 01:24:00,000
free solo with alex honnell the

2114
01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:02,000
rock climber he just like

2115
01:24:02,000 --> 01:24:04,000
because I related to him like he wasn't

2116
01:24:04,000 --> 01:24:06,000
afraid to die he was willing to

2117
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:08,000
do that to achieve something

2118
01:24:08,000 --> 01:24:10,000
that's never been done so I was like

2119
01:24:10,000 --> 01:24:12,000
I understand where his mind was at

2120
01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:14,000
and I thought that he filmed that and he

2121
01:24:14,000 --> 01:24:16,000
could like go inside his brain which is

2122
01:24:16,000 --> 01:24:18,000
very interesting I

2123
01:24:18,000 --> 01:24:20,000
recommend those for sure

2124
01:24:20,000 --> 01:24:22,000
yeah I think one of the biggest take aways

2125
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:24,000
as well is if you actually

2126
01:24:24,000 --> 01:24:26,000
listen to it the preparation

2127
01:24:26,000 --> 01:24:28,000
he wasn't just like oh I'm gonna try it

2128
01:24:28,000 --> 01:24:30,000
you know and if I die I die it was

2129
01:24:30,000 --> 01:24:32,000
it was you know years of

2130
01:24:32,000 --> 01:24:34,000
preparation and making sure that for each

2131
01:24:34,000 --> 01:24:36,000
section that he was gonna be able to do it and then

2132
01:24:36,000 --> 01:24:38,000
sequentially gonna be able to do it so

2133
01:24:38,000 --> 01:24:40,000
it reminds me a lot of the bass jumpers I've had

2134
01:24:40,000 --> 01:24:42,000
on you know they one of them

2135
01:24:42,000 --> 01:24:44,000
my friend he said

2136
01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:46,000
a lot of people in whatever it

2137
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:48,000
is will say well we need to be 95%

2138
01:24:48,000 --> 01:24:50,000
effective he's like in bass jump you have

2139
01:24:50,000 --> 01:24:52,000
to be 100 you know 99 means

2140
01:24:52,000 --> 01:24:54,000
that you ended up splattered on the ground so

2141
01:24:54,000 --> 01:24:56,000
you know their diligence

2142
01:24:56,000 --> 01:24:58,000
and their preparation is actually

2143
01:24:58,000 --> 01:25:00,000
you know paramount and so

2144
01:25:00,000 --> 01:25:02,000
the application for the military

2145
01:25:02,000 --> 01:25:04,000
for a firefighter is the same you know

2146
01:25:04,000 --> 01:25:06,000
when your life is at stake or someone

2147
01:25:06,000 --> 01:25:08,000
else's life is at stake we should

2148
01:25:08,000 --> 01:25:10,000
be thinking that way we should be thinking like

2149
01:25:10,000 --> 01:25:12,000
Alex Honnold now we're

2150
01:25:12,000 --> 01:25:14,000
obviously responsible for such a huge

2151
01:25:14,000 --> 01:25:16,000
set of skills we can't be experts in every

2152
01:25:16,000 --> 01:25:18,000
one of them but we can at least try and elevate

2153
01:25:18,000 --> 01:25:20,000
as much as we can

2154
01:25:20,000 --> 01:25:22,000
yeah basically being a perfectionist

2155
01:25:22,000 --> 01:25:24,000
like preparing to where you're so

2156
01:25:24,000 --> 01:25:26,000
confident in the task you're about to do

2157
01:25:26,000 --> 01:25:28,000
yeah it's like like you said

2158
01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:30,000
preparation and the work

2159
01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:32,000
put in like his

2160
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:34,000
life was that is that

2161
01:25:34,000 --> 01:25:36,000
and he's able to achieve that by

2162
01:25:36,000 --> 01:25:38,000
just grinding super fucking hard

2163
01:25:38,000 --> 01:25:40,000
and yeah

2164
01:25:40,000 --> 01:25:42,000
it's incredible incredible documentary

2165
01:25:42,000 --> 01:25:44,000
amazing there's another

2166
01:25:44,000 --> 01:25:46,000
one oh my

2167
01:25:46,000 --> 01:25:48,000
goodness the alpinist have you

2168
01:25:48,000 --> 01:25:50,000
ever seen that one um i've heard

2169
01:25:50,000 --> 01:25:52,000
of it i have not but let me write that down

2170
01:25:52,000 --> 01:25:54,000
yeah watch it i can't tell you anything about

2171
01:25:54,000 --> 01:25:56,000
it it's one of those ones you've got to go for the ride

2172
01:25:56,000 --> 01:25:58,000
but uh if you love free solo

2173
01:25:58,000 --> 01:26:00,000
you'd love that one as well awesome

2174
01:26:00,000 --> 01:26:02,000
i'll check it out all right

2175
01:26:02,000 --> 01:26:04,000
well then the next question is there a person

2176
01:26:04,000 --> 01:26:06,000
you'd recommend become on this podcast

2177
01:26:06,000 --> 01:26:08,000
as a guest to speak to the first

2178
01:26:08,000 --> 01:26:10,000
responders military and associated

2179
01:26:10,000 --> 01:26:12,000
professionals of the world

2180
01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:14,000
yes one that just came

2181
01:26:14,000 --> 01:26:16,000
in mind is my my good friend ian

2182
01:26:16,000 --> 01:26:18,000
funk um

2183
01:26:18,000 --> 01:26:20,000
his instagram is grappler

2184
01:26:20,000 --> 01:26:22,000
with a sign he's a marine veteran

2185
01:26:22,000 --> 01:26:24,000
and jujitsu brown belt

2186
01:26:24,000 --> 01:26:26,000
and he's a fireman

2187
01:26:26,000 --> 01:26:28,000
um just finished paramedic school

2188
01:26:28,000 --> 01:26:30,000
so he's an incredible

2189
01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:32,000
human being um

2190
01:26:32,000 --> 01:26:34,000
he has a deep story actually is

2191
01:26:34,000 --> 01:26:36,000
also from boston was a

2192
01:26:36,000 --> 01:26:38,000
golden glove uh boxer

2193
01:26:38,000 --> 01:26:40,000
just a great human i think he'd

2194
01:26:40,000 --> 01:26:42,000
be incredible i would love to hear

2195
01:26:42,000 --> 01:26:44,000
i don't think he's ever been on one so

2196
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:46,000
i think you guys could relay down on topics and

2197
01:26:46,000 --> 01:26:48,000
just a great dude

2198
01:26:48,000 --> 01:26:50,000
yeah beautiful yeah i'd love to

2199
01:26:50,000 --> 01:26:52,000
if you could make that happen and make the connection that would be amazing

2200
01:26:52,000 --> 01:26:54,000
let's do it absolutely awesome

2201
01:26:54,000 --> 01:26:56,000
brilliant all right well then the last

2202
01:26:56,000 --> 01:26:58,000
question before we make sure everyone knows where to find you

2203
01:26:58,000 --> 01:27:00,000
and dsg what

2204
01:27:00,000 --> 01:27:02,000
do you do to decompress

2205
01:27:02,000 --> 01:27:04,000
for me to

2206
01:27:04,000 --> 01:27:06,000
decompress jujitsu competing

2207
01:27:06,000 --> 01:27:08,000
in jujitsu it just grounds me

2208
01:27:08,000 --> 01:27:10,000
it it quiets my mind to basically

2209
01:27:10,000 --> 01:27:12,000
no thoughts um

2210
01:27:12,000 --> 01:27:14,000
now it's hanging out with my girlfriend

2211
01:27:14,000 --> 01:27:16,000
whether we go to

2212
01:27:16,000 --> 01:27:18,000
the shooting range go to the beach

2213
01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:20,000
hang out i'm a very simple man um

2214
01:27:20,000 --> 01:27:22,000
the beach jujitsu

2215
01:27:22,000 --> 01:27:24,000
hanging out with friends and family

2216
01:27:24,000 --> 01:27:26,000
beautiful

2217
01:27:26,000 --> 01:27:28,000
well for people that want to

2218
01:27:28,000 --> 01:27:30,000
learn more about you want to find dsg

2219
01:27:30,000 --> 01:27:32,000
where are the best places online and on

2220
01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:34,000
social media

2221
01:27:34,000 --> 01:27:36,000
um instagram my instagram is

2222
01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:38,000
at zach ferg z-a-c-e-k-k

2223
01:27:38,000 --> 01:27:42,000
ferg you have to type out the full thing because i'm shadowed in

2224
01:27:42,000 --> 01:27:44,000
uh and then

2225
01:27:44,000 --> 01:27:46,000
defense strategies group

2226
01:27:46,000 --> 01:27:48,000
at defense strategies group instagram

2227
01:27:48,000 --> 01:27:50,000
and then at training center la is our mma gym

2228
01:27:50,000 --> 01:27:52,000
if you want to come uh learn some

2229
01:27:52,000 --> 01:27:54,000
self-defense classes come by stop by anytime

2230
01:27:54,000 --> 01:27:56,000
beautiful

2231
01:27:56,000 --> 01:27:58,000
i you said you got shadow banned

2232
01:27:58,000 --> 01:28:00,000
i got shut down by instagram the other day

2233
01:28:00,000 --> 01:28:02,000
for sharing literally a positivity post

2234
01:28:02,000 --> 01:28:04,000
and i have no idea

2235
01:28:04,000 --> 01:28:06,000
why i'm sure there's a you know

2236
01:28:06,000 --> 01:28:08,000
backstory of

2237
01:28:08,000 --> 01:28:10,000
you know who knows who knows why

2238
01:28:10,000 --> 01:28:12,000
it was completely innocent so i have no

2239
01:28:12,000 --> 01:28:14,000
idea anyway so i sent

2240
01:28:14,000 --> 01:28:16,000
you another request it's behind the

2241
01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:18,000
shield 9112.0

2242
01:28:18,000 --> 01:28:20,000
so okay um

2243
01:28:20,000 --> 01:28:22,000
you'll be able to find me again but yeah

2244
01:28:22,000 --> 01:28:24,000
looks like we've both been having a shitty time on instagram

2245
01:28:24,000 --> 01:28:26,000
huh yeah it's crazy

2246
01:28:26,000 --> 01:28:28,000
um just want to say thank you uh

2247
01:28:28,000 --> 01:28:30,000
james for having me on

2248
01:28:30,000 --> 01:28:32,000
um you know behind

2249
01:28:32,000 --> 01:28:34,000
the shield podcast guys check it out

2250
01:28:34,000 --> 01:28:36,000
um and then ryan birdman

2251
01:28:36,000 --> 01:28:38,000
appreciate you connecting us together

2252
01:28:38,000 --> 01:28:40,000
i love you love both of you and

2253
01:28:40,000 --> 01:28:42,000
uh i'm stoked to share my story thank

2254
01:28:42,000 --> 01:28:44,000
you for having me on and your time and what

2255
01:28:44,000 --> 01:28:46,000
you do and being a fireman

2256
01:28:46,000 --> 01:28:48,000
too it's like i love firemen

2257
01:28:48,000 --> 01:28:50,000
i have so much respect for you guys so thank

2258
01:28:50,000 --> 01:28:52,000
you guys for everything thank

2259
01:28:52,000 --> 01:29:06,000
you mate love you too