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Welcome to the Behind the Shield podcast as always, my name is James Gearing and this week it is my absolute honor to welcome on the show,
entrepreneur, Navy SEAL spouse and the woman behind the GUD show, Serinda GUD.
Now as you will hear in this conversation, Serinda keeps it extremely real so there will be multiple truth bombs dropped during this conversation.
We discussed a host of topics from growing up in an Indian family in England, her transition into the airline profession,
meeting her husband in America, her on base coffee shops, the financial crisis many of our military families are facing when their loved ones are deployed,
rugby, racism and so much more.
Now before we get to this incredible conversation as I say every week, please just take a moment,
go to whichever app you listen to this on, subscribe to the show, leave feedback and leave a rating.
Every single 5 star rating truly does elevate this podcast therefore making it easier for others to find.
And this is a free library of well over 950 episodes now so all I ask in return is that you help share these incredible men and women stories
so I can get them to every single person on planet earth who needs to hear them.
So with that being said, I introduce to you Serinda GUD. Enjoy.
Well Serinda, I want to say thank you so much for taking the time and coming on the Behind the Shield podcast today.
Listen, thank you for having me. I mean I didn't get it right the first time. I got the mix up with the time so thank you for giving me shot two.
I've done it so many times. I mean the US is bad enough but then it's the international one and then the number of times I've screwed it up
because the UK changes daylight savings in a different week than the US and so yeah, I mean this is the thing.
I mean it happens. It was you know we communicated and here we are not a big deal at all.
All good. All good.
So where on planet earth are we finding you your morning my afternoon?
I am in San Diego, sunny San Diego, California and it's not so sunny you know we've got that June gloom going on but it's weather wise it's a great place to be.
Well I can tell from your accent that you're not originally from Southern California so let's start at the very beginning of your timeline.
So tell me where you were born and tell me a little bit about your family dynamic, what your parents did, how many siblings?
I'm a fellow Brit born in England, born to immigrant parents, very hard working, big family. We were like a bunch of savages.
And you know it's when I was young we moved up to Scotland and we grew up in Scotland then I was educated in England.
You know all my brothers are self-employed, I think entrepreneurship kind of like runs through our veins.
Great childhood, nothing crazy you know I mean it was all good, no trauma, I won't end up on Dr Phil.
And then I moved from Scotland, I moved to the Middle East and I think really I remember everything you know when I was young again being born into my culture,
the Indian culture, I was born into it at a time and an era where everything was really judgmental.
You know I should have been a doctor, an attorney kind of thing and I just knew that wasn't my gig.
And so I left and moved to a great little island at a great time called Bahrain.
And I loved it, I was a trolley dolly and I always remember thinking to myself okay if I move over there, there is no coming back because I don't believe in going back.
You know and I moved over there, I remember sitting on the flight thinking all right I don't know what this place is like but it was a great,
the attitude I had was this is some place where you can go nobody knows you and you can completely reinvent yourself which was exactly what I wanted to do.
And it was really I've always said this the best single years of my life and any flight attendant out there that worked for Gulf Air knows exactly what I mean.
So I want to go back to your parents immigration story first and then we'll walk back through. So are they both originally from India?
Both my parents are from India and they entered the UK just after the Brits had invaded India, the British Raj and then you know there was entry into the UK.
My dad, God bless him because neither one of them are here now, but my father was a man of very few words.
You know his English was good but he was very careful with his pronunciation.
He worked really hard, worked in a factory you know back then you got a job in a factory.
And it's funny because I was talking about him to my husband yesterday and I said you know something my dad always wore a suit.
When he was not working he wore a suit, shirt, tie and he always wore a little trilby hat.
He was really cool, I had no idea how cool my dad was, you never realize your parents are cool you know.
And he was, I remember he was talking to my brothers one day, my sister was a nurse and had just been accepted into the US for nursing you know.
And my dad sat my brothers down you know old school dude and he said now listen if she lets you in, i.e. America, you have automatically made it because that is the land of opportunity.
But if you fuck with her she is going to kick your ass and that's what I grew up thinking about the US you know.
My dad was in awe of America, so was my mom. She was also a very strong feisty Indian lady, didn't take any shit.
And god bless her, she used to put all the Indian words she knew together and if you didn't know what she was talking about what the fuck is your problem you know.
Is that possibly where you get your fieryness from?
I think so, I think so. The other crazy thing about my mom was this, I always tell this story and I know she's up there shaking her head.
But my mom couldn't pronounce her F's right. So you know we grew up in a racially charged area and we'd be walking down the street sometimes and we'd get called some gnarly names.
And my mom one day turned around and she looked at whoever it was and she went POK OP!
And I thought okay enough, I gotta teach her how to cuss properly. So I think we were the only kids at school that used to come home and teach your parent how to cuss.
I used to say mom it's fuck off. POK OP! does not have the same meaning.
My wife's mother is Filipino and they pronounce it the same way.
But god bless her, she really didn't take any shit and they were just really hard working people.
My dad always said if you do the right thing you can't go wrong.
Real simple shit, he's a simple guy. And I always remember saying to my husband one day, because obviously I married a big white guy.
And in our culture that's again you know not the thing to do at that time. And I remember my dad came to visit and I was in bed upstairs, it's the middle of the night.
And all of a sudden I woke up, woke up my husband and I went wake up wake up, he went what's wrong what's wrong?
I went you know something I just realized my dad is a really cool motherfucker.
And my husband looked at me and he went what it's like two o'clock in the morning and what?
I just realized that because my dad's downstairs in the bedroom and he's not upstairs here with a machete over your head.
That's when I realized my dad I'd never given him the credit of just you know being that cool guy.
I talk about this a lot. Have you seen the the film Love Actually?
No.
It's a shame. So there's an opening scene and it literally it's like someone crawled inside my head when I was little because the opening scene talks about this very thing.
When I was young, so we're talking you know like 40 plus years ago, every so often I think I'd go on like a ski trip or something over the school and would find myself at Heathrow Airport.
And I remember just when I was a little white boy from a farm in the west country.
So we did have a slight diversity but it wasn't a diverse population I grew up amongst.
And so you know you stand here in the departures or arrivals wherever it was and you see these African headdresses and these beautiful silks from India and all these cultures.
And to me I was like oh this is England or this is the UK or actually I love that philosophy of the four lions.
Like the British lions you know England Ireland Scotland Wales are two pieces of rock sit next to each other.
Those are my people together. But then because of you know often dark history of the UK we now have such beautiful diversity.
And then you go back to the racism of when I was growing up which again I never really saw much with my own eyes. You know my friends weren't saying stuff like that.
But it just blew my mind because it's like this but our country is diverse. It's full of all these beautiful cultures and because of that it's beautiful.
You know when people say oh what's British food? Well it's curry, it's Ethiopia and it's all the things.
So that's what you know I just struggle so hard even with the concept of racism. That being said though I'm a little farm boy in the West Country.
What were some of the darker moments that you and or your parents experienced being Indian you know Indian heritage in the UK at that time?
I remember being you know walking to school and being spat upon. You know I remember being called the N-word.
You know I was pushed around. I remember going to the grocery store walking up the street with my mom.
And my mom was jostled you know by skinheads you know. And I think what happened.
Well I remember my dad sat us down because there was an incident where a brick came through the window.
And my dad sat us down and he looked at us all and he went listen let me tell you guys.
There is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing wrong with you. You know there's something very wrong with those people out there.
He said and the only thing I can think of in their defense is that when you have that state of mind you call out the most obvious thing about somebody.
So hey if you were wearing glasses you'd be specky. If you were fat you'd be fatty.
You know the most obvious thing about us is that we have a different skin color.
But dot your eyes. Cross your t's. Do a good day's work and you'll be fine. Ignore them.
So you know James I grew up I'm not saying that that was what the ideal situation.
But I've moved to the US and I can count on one hand and I do not need all five fingers for the times that I feel that okay that was a shitty move.
You said that to me because of my color. Whereas unfortunately where I grew up in Bilston you know where I was born in Bilston the West Midlands.
That was the environment. That was the time. That was just what was happening at that point in Britain you know.
So again sometimes I think to myself and I'm going to be honest sometimes I think to myself hey if somebody called me a gnarly name tomorrow it's right over my head.
I hope you feel better my friend. You know it really does not bother me.
So I guess that's the plus side of it when you grow up in that environment. You become immune to it.
You know how to handle it and I don't let it bother me. It's never ever got in the way of anything that I have wanted to achieve and it shouldn't.
Yeah and it just comes from such ignorance and arguably mental ill health.
Sometimes I've been called a nigger by white people by black women and I'm like you know I'm almost opaque.
I'm so pale you know it's the same when they use Paki to the Indian like that's a completely different country you idiot.
My mom used to get upset about that more than anything else you know because she turned around once and she went we are not Paki's.
We are Indians and I'm like okay there's my mother in the street trying to educate somebody who's just called her a Paki.
I mean come on mom you know.
Pull out the map.
But I know I know and you know something I think it takes a lot of energy to have that kind of racism in you.
You know I think to some degree there's maybe I don't like the word racism at all because that just goes straight to the ugly in my mind.
There's some bias in all of us about certain things you know and I think that just makes us pretty much fucking normal.
It's just how we express it and is it used to hurt.
I mean there's absolutely no reason there was no reason why I should have been walking to school thinking I was all hot shit and then I get spat on.
I mean I laugh at it now because you got it do you know what I mean you have to what are you going to do.
Yeah no it's I mean again like I said it's ignorant and when when people try and paint the US the same as the UK.
Most British people and Irish people are fucking amazing with an amazing sense of humor a compassionate heart.
I mean I think about you know the the childhood I had and I don't know if it's still the same but the environment I grew up in England.
Where some of the skinheads were doing the shitty things was when blue Peter was on the show.
Yes children all over the countries were having jumble sales and selling sandwiches so they can send money over to Ethiopia to the poor starving children.
You know and John what was it John Craven's news round was teaching about all that stuff.
You know so they are beautiful cultures and it's the same here but it's this projection of hate.
And when you look at that those hatred of haven you hear it you know even from fucking politicians arguably presidents in this country.
Oh you know all Mexicans are rapists and murderers you know like that just to me is like just putting a big sign up saying.
I'm such an ignorant fucking idiot that I can't even individualize a human being.
Yeah you know I have to say I you know I have to find the funny shit in everything sometimes.
And I remember you know when it was the big election you know and we had Trump running.
And I remember going home for a quick visit and my brother always used to love to poke me about American politics.
And he said oh yeah what's going on over on in America you know and that Trump dude.
I went whoa whoa whoa slow your roll. I just watched parliament yesterday and somebody was lying in three quarter prone position.
And some dude had jumped over a bench and knocked the fuck out the other guy.
I said so let's not get into that.
I mean it's happening both sides of the aisle it's like I don't know man where has people's just.
Basic common sense little bit of kindness you know know when to shut your mouth have some situational awareness.
Just don't just be good people man it doesn't take a long it's real basic shit.
That's what my husband's always told me he's a real basic dude he's like hey it's all about it's basics just keep shit simple.
Absolutely but I can't because I'm a woman.
Well I mean what I'd see over and over again especially recently is you know it's just that simple phrase divide and conquer.
If I say oh the Indians they took our jobs.
It's funny actually I say that there was a meme I posted a while ago now it was fucking awesome.
It was a bunch of Indian Sikh Spitfire pilots in World War II lined up in front of their planes.
And the comments said bloody Indians coming over here and killing the Nazis.
That's just it is like they what they were were you know member of the empire at that point.
But they were a member of the allied nations that were fighting the Nazis.
And that's what blows me away about racism in America in the 50s.
Like you were part of this most incredible movement in the 40s.
How the fuck do we get to you hanging black people in the 50s.
Like where was the voice saying wait a second time out what the fuck are you doing.
And I've never ever had a person's able to explain that to me.
All these incredible Americans come home from war and then around them they're allowing that to happen.
Yeah and I can't give you an answer for that either.
But I do want to say something just as you mentioned John Craven's news around.
I remember there used to be a sitcom on TV called Love Thy Neighbor.
I remember that.
And yeah my dad my mom and dad used to watch that and they loved it.
And that was a great little show is about you know the white couple the black couple the Indian family.
Do you know what I mean.
Everybody living on the same street talking shit about each other kind of like but in a funny way.
You know and every time they really did the Indian accent you know played it over the top.
My mom and dad thought that was hilarious.
You know because I think to myself if you can't laugh at yourself you know then shit man.
I don't know you know then I don't want to know you.
Yeah I think South Park does it best.
They just make fun of everyone you know including themselves you know.
If you make fun of everyone it's good.
If you like oh we can make fun of everyone except this happened.
Isaac Hayes with the church of Scientology the moment they made fun of him.
Then they were like oh no you can't do that.
No that's not how it works.
There's everyone or no one and no one you know is killing communication.
You have to be able to laugh and like you said it's the intent.
Is it coming from a place of hate or is it actually just good-natured observation of our you know.
Diverse culture that we inhabit.
You know it's almost like I mean this I'll probably get you know canceled for saying this now.
But you know it's kind of like did you watch the the roast the Tom Brady roast?
No because I really don't think any human is that important to spend an hour watching people.
To pretend to like him and make jokes about him.
I've never never you know he's just he's a football player.
He throws the ball he's a very good athlete very good at what he does.
But I mean it's like with those award shows I can't stand award shows.
No I know I don't watch no Emmys no no none of that Golden Globe bullshit.
It's just like no I missed the slap as well.
I had to go find it on YouTube because I think that was the most exciting thing.
That had happened at an Emmy show for since the days of some good actors like I don't know.
Charles Bronson.
Is he still alive?
No I think he died years ago.
Yeah but that that's what's sad with that slap. That was an amazing opportunity to have a really
deep mental health conversation.
And it just turned into a bunch of memes and judgments and you know was it right?
You know if that wasn't staged or there wasn't any backstory then no it wasn't.
And that's the point you got a man obviously in crisis you know expressing himself through
violence which happens all over the world.
And it's a great opportunity and we completely missed it.
You know that word you just mentioned violence.
It is shocking to me today.
I have a teenager in high school she's 15 and even when she was going through middle school
the the element of violence and the divide within the school system is shocking to me.
It's shocking to me the girls fight the way they fight you know and they jump people and it's just
yeah it's it shocks me and it's like dude well what the what the fuck is going on?
Yeah it's that division again though you know you're creating an enemy and it could be you know
whether you wanted a vaccine or you know whether you like Taylor Swift or not whatever it is
you know there's that division rather than that pulling together.
And I've said this the same for years the the definition of a leader is someone who unites
which means that we haven't had a leader in this country for decades because it's constantly oh
let me tell you about the other side let me tell you how terrible they are.
So you know this and this then the ripple effect goes into our schools and our children and always
other you know narcissistic sports stars and you know singers and you know it's all about me and
my money and my bitches and not about us you know it takes the village as they say you know.
So you know the whole thing about this Taylor Swift I gotta be honest with you I haven't listened
to one single song that girl's ever written it does not appeal to me that's old because I'm older
than dirt I get it but I'm not interested in how much money she's made I really want to know what
good have you done this is you know I think as I'm getting older and a little bit more wiser kind of
thing you know and mellowing with my shit it's kind of like I look around and I think you know
you just want to do a little bit of good just you know it doesn't hurt anybody it's a good feeling
and so I want to know okay Taylor Swift what have you done that is good have you got a foundation
where have you donated money you know I mean I don't want I'm not interested in you know that
she closed down some LA or something that people parking houses nearby some big kerfuffle that was
going on who gives a shit unless you live in that house then you're fucked sorry I want to go to
you know that your upbringing again what had them an MMA champion Angela Lee who is extremely sad
she herself had a suicide attempt that she kept quiet and then she ended up losing her younger
sister to suicide both of them were may fires and you know hearing you know that just the
heartbreaking journey that she'd been on she's become you know a voice now for mental health
especially obviously in women but it was interesting because she is of Chinese heritage
and you said earlier about doctors and lawyers and all that stuff there was an immense pressure
for her in this particular field it was actually the martial arts so you know there her dad was an
instructor and kind of living vicariously almost through his daughters and not that it was coming
from malicious place but it ended up putting immense stress and you know I've heard a few
people in in the Asian cultures talk about that that there's this expectation did you feel any
kind of negative side of being expected to excel academically expected to possibly go into the
medical field I hated it I absolutely hated that pressure that was unspoken unwritten you were just
born into it you know I guess I have an older sister who's a nurse you know and it was a little
strange in my household because my parents were quite progressive but I don't think they realized
that and we didn't know that at the time unlike most Indian families and my mom had a succession
of boys boys boys I've got like you know seven eight older seven older brothers I got a younger
brother you know I've got one sister and she's like the second oldest and so like you would think
that after having all these boys my parents would stop but my parents decided they wanted a daughter
which is not the norm you know so they had me and yeah they there was that pressure of okay now
surrender must become this and with the culture itself again back then James I mean when I sat in
a car I wasn't allowed to look left or right I looked straight ahead because woe betide if I
looked at some guy you know it was shitty I absolutely fucking hated it and the method of
motivation was you know you came home with an a oh but so and so got an a plus you know and
it scars a person it really does and I feel you know I think that well first of all I always knew
I don't know how but I knew that I had been geographically born in the wrong country
I knew that I never felt whole and I think and for a long time I thought that was also because my
childhood was very strict and I was expected to have an arranged marriage and at one point I
remember I felt like there was this kangaroo court that was held where I was told okay we found a guy
and we're gonna bring him out from India and I'm thinking okay by the time you get this dude over
here by the time he can say hello in English I'll be down a bar getting fucked up and that would be
really bad and embarrassing for everybody involved you know so you know what I did instead of going
down the bar to get drunk I packed my shit one night and I left I lived in my car for two weeks
my parents disowned me my family disowned me and that went on for 10 plus years I had moved to
another country I had you know I tried to communicate with them and they were not very
much they weren't open to it but the thing is this you know we obviously got our shit together
right you know just before I married my guy and you know I'd communicated got in touch with my
sister we had started you know conversing again not that we weren't talking to each other but you
know I just didn't have a lot to say I guess you know I was off doing my own thing and I was hearing
about the other girls you know the other Indian girls at home you know Jasninder got married after
Gupta and I thought god bless I mean this isn't god-awful thing to say but I used to think to
myself you know you're gonna have to mate with that guy you know but yeah you know me and my
sister kind of like stayed in touch anyway again my parents are old-fashioned right and I think by
this point in the game I really I mean obviously I'd hurt them a tremendous amount I didn't do
anything that I should have done you know I should I did children's TV I shouldn't have been on the
TV how dare you be on TV people can see you you know because again in that culture you shouldn't
be seen I was signed up by Marco Rossella which is Europe's largest model agency so my pictures
were out a couple of times and that was oh my god I thought oh my god you know what I mean
I couldn't understand it and I think I just was a bullheaded individual and I thought
I just got to get out of here and it wasn't enough to get out of the house
I had to leave the country you know and after I left the house I went into a very male dominated
environment the restaurant industry at that time was run by a lot of male Pakistanis
and Indians but girls didn't work in those environments and that's exactly where I went
to work you know and these guys did not like me one single bit they made my life fucking hellish
you know I got promoted within the chain of restaurants that I was working for and ended
up becoming a manager but according to these guys I couldn't have become that manager unless I
fucked the owner you know and then you know what happened I mean you know
that little crazy gene in me I remember one day I found a photograph of myself after the Christmas
party and one of the guys had drawn horns on my head like scratched him onto the photograph
really just fucked up the picture right and I could feel it coming from my toes and I thought
to myself enough is enough man and I remember this kid coming to work we only opened in the evening
this kid walked into work he had to walk up the top of the stairs right one of the waiters
when he got to the top of the stairs I walked around the corner and I just fucking punched
him right in the mouth he fell all the way down the stairs the chef came in the chefs looking at
me going you killed him you killed him and I think because my adrenaline was going and also
because I was up the stairs and everybody's at the bottom of the stairs you know that just that
me being at the top I remember I looked down and I went fucking pick him up clean his ass up or
send him home get in the fucking kitchen we open in two hours don't fuck with me again and they
didn't I'm surprised but you know the thing is it's it's it I had to get to that point so they
would know okay you know she's fucking crazy because that was again just the the culture
at that time and I keep saying at that time because I'm I'm pretty sure that in 2024
it's a little bit more relaxed you know there's more understanding acceptance etc etc but that is
what I grew up in you know and then I left that country and then that's when I moved to the
Middle East and still moved to the Middle East without seeing my family you know and
and that's why it was kind of like easy you know to reinvent yourself because for me it was easy to
put it in the back of my mind close the little door and okay now you're in a new country now you
forget you can forget all of that shit but you know the thing is and I've said this to somebody else
the last two people I saw when I closed my eyes at night were my parents and they were the first
two that I saw every morning and those 10 years that we did not communicate or I was just
pigheaded that's time I didn't get back you know and but a crazy thing happened because of that
you know coming from a large family when my parents passed away this for the longest time
I had a lot of dislike towards God who or whoever whoever he is you know what I mean
but when my father passed away I was in that room trying to save his life
and I was there with a brother of mine and he's just me and my brother when that time came my
mother passed away I was the one in that room again that had to say okay yeah that is the last
breath and for the longest time I thought to myself how fucking dare you God after all of
those 10 years why did you do this to me and it took me a long time to realize that
that was a blessing that really was for me to be with both of my parents at such different times
and to be able to hold their hand and to be able to say you know see you later whatever whatever
do you know what I mean that's a blessing in disguise it took me a long time to realize that
but yeah the and you know the other thing I realized is this they didn't know what they
didn't know they're immigrants to a new country they want their kids to do good their only way of
making sure they're motivated is to say oh you know just when they got an A plus they didn't know
and even though it was shitty wouldn't change it for the world that upbringing had to change
that upbringing has really served me well well I mean I'm glad I asked that question it's such a
powerful story and it's amazing how many times that phrase they didn't know what they didn't know
and when I when you know when you look back at early life like everyone that comes on here is a
story you know the the one I just interviewed this morning he uh he tried to kill himself twice when
he was 14 years old and ends up writing a letter to Richard Branson after this to kind of get
himself on the path and if and recently he just met Richard Branson you know and he's standing
there with him and he's you know doing extremely well he's got this program to get people off
alcohol which I am starting day one today by the way um but that they you know they didn't know
what they didn't know when you look back it separates between excuses you know the victim
mentality but reasons and the reason that you felt the way you did was because of the parents but
then what allows you to forgive and to let that go is realizing that your parents did the best
they could at that moment you know whether it's someone deep in addiction or whatever you know
whatever that looked like no parent wakes up saying I'm going to torment my child today unless
they're completely you know fucking broken so I think that's is such a powerful term to to let
go of that that shame and that guilt of whatever that looked like and you know I remember when my
father was diagnosed with cancer I went home to visit and he was sitting in front of his little
fireplace you know and I don't know what made me do this um I walked in I sat down and I looked at
him and um I went hey you know something dad that I want to I just want to say that I am really sorry
for all the shitty things I did as an Indian daughter you know um I know it really hurt you
and I know it was a huge disappointment and my dad looked at me you know and he went you know
something surrender out of everybody I knew you were the one that had to go off the rails
but I also knew you'd get back on him he said and you have done really well and I think that
that was that conversation those words were the first time I can remember my dad saying he
proud of me you know um yeah it was um and then again like I said earlier I never gave the guy
credit I mean he knew I had to go off the rails do you know what I mean and you you just grow up
you just grow up and I look at my kids now and you know you try it you you learn from how you were
parented you know like when my kids ask me for something the first thing I never say no straight
away because that's all I ever got was a no you know I'm like okay well listen this is the deal
you know and this is how we got to rock and roll um you just try and do better because you know a
little better you know but those hard lessons James those hard lessons in the very beginning
growing up with all those brothers you know where um you know I was frightened to fart in case it
didn't smell right you know and you know and I mean I was cooking dinner at an early age I mean
you know like I was the one with the house key and it was around my neck and so my mom would get up
at four o'clock in the morning she'd make the tortillas chapatis for lunchtime wrap them up
do my hair put two pence two pence is less than a less than a nickel I don't even know two pennies
you know into a little handkerchief for my chocolate biscuit at school and then it was my
job at the age of seven you know seven eight to get everybody else up in the morning it was my job
to get home from school before the boys came home to heat up the dinner the lunch and then clean up
the kitchen and then get back to school at the time I felt like you know Annie little Annie in
the orphanage but again I will say this all of those lessons have served me really well over the
years when it was just me myself and I so I thank my lucky stars that I was born to two people that
just fucking kicked ass and did the right thing well I think that that just shows a resilience
that can be drawn from struggle you know it's that simple but you've got to process it if you
bury it down and you resentful and all these things it's going to eat you from the inside out
but yeah if you can process that and have gratitude for it and say they did the best of what they
could so therefore they tried then yeah then then I think that becomes a strength I really do
like you I mean we know I never went without I never remember going without
so I think at the end of the day that's all that really matters you know I took my dad's ashes
to the river Ganges in India myself and my two brothers and my mom had said now remember until
he goes to the till you put him into the water dad is with you so we booked another seat on
the aircraft for the urn every time we ordered around a drinks we ordered around for my dad
right my dad was a whiskey drinker by the time we fucking left Glasgow airport we were already
drunk we did so many rounds and then somebody had to drink my dad's round so we you know but we took
his ashes to the river Ganges and went to the Indian village where my father grew up
and everybody there real basic stuff I ate carrots like real carrots you know the women still farm
with the cow patty and all the rest of it you know I did take some MREs from my husband you
know from yeah because I was like I better take some you don't know what's you know what's going
on and those MREs the the oldest villager when we open those MREs and heat you know they have a
little plate inside the heat up kind of thing it was like magic it's like how do you get this meal
how do you get this meal out of this bag do you know what I mean but we took his ashes to the river
Ganges and it's crazy because you know it's a holy water but I've got to be honest with everybody's
going to be upset with me now every Indian is going to be upset with me now but listen we know
it is really polluted it's dirty it's not clean only the mouth of the Ganges is clean and I
remember putting my dad's ashes into the river Ganges onto lily pads and I've actually got a
photograph of this I hugged one of my brothers and there's a lot of emotion on my face and then
after I finished hugging him I opened my eyes and there's a woman taking a bath in there guys taking
a shit somebody scooping up water to take it home there's a dead body floating down I'm like whoa
whoa whoa people but and I will say this after all the years of living in the middle east this was
the first time I realized what blind faith is because there were people collecting water from
the river Ganges that they believed had healing properties you know see that kind of blind faith
it blows my mind it's crazy what did you see as far as the level of poverty coming from a developed
country and again I use that term not to be you know no no patronizing whatever but you know the
when we think of poverty and we need to eradicate what we think of poverty and we're going to get
to that in a minute as well but it doesn't hold a candle to the true poverty of the Philippines
and some of the African nations and East Asia as well yeah I mean there is you are either rich
or you're poor and you're scraping you know and I think like a lot of countries obviously
Delhi has got a lot of wealth there where my parents came from
from a little village there is nothing there everybody like I said the women still farm the
fields they still milk the cow but I don't look at it like poverty it's really crazy because when
I was there again everything that we needed was there you know the advice my mom had given us and
my dad had always said this as well you know you have western stomachs so unless you catch the
chicken kill the chicken and you cook the chicken you may not your stomachs may not you know be the
same as the villagers kind of thing but it wasn't like poverty I know it's weird to say because
again you know everybody had a bed yes the restroom facilities were a little primitive but okay
you know there was yeah that I think the closer you got into and the same with every country the
closer you get into the city you see more poverty it's more shackle like you know people are just
putting up things and I don't know why that happens closer to cities maybe it's because
there's more people to beg from you know I don't think the poverty in India ever will come to an
end either you know I don't think it'll ever get better you've got to change your mindset
and that's the hardest thing to change I mean we see that even here you know the highest level
of homelessness is New York and San Francisco and you know there's a kind of basic mathematical
element to it where you have all this space but you're cramming all these people in a small area
and then you know the price of that real estate goes up and it's just this kind of you know
devolution to homelessness and you know a lot of other mental health issues but when you know
because I agree completely when I'm thinking of poverty in India I'm thinking of near the
Ganges and all the slums and you know people live yeah trash piles and those kind of things
but I'm not thinking of the people who are living in the land that we've done that for millennia
yeah that's how most of us are supposed to live or a version of but it is it's when you see you
know whether it's Manila or wherever it is that's where you see this just devastating poverty and
just such filth you know like you said bodies and human feces and everything and the Ganges
and people are drinking it think it's gonna give them luck you know I was downtown San Diego
a couple of weeks ago and obviously you know that San Diego has a huge homeless problem
and you hear about it on the news I and you know as you're driving on the freeway you know you
you see some things but I was shocked as shit I was downtown San Diego was like a nine o'clock
on a Wednesday morning and the homeless are being moved and they weren't being jostled or anything
like that but just the fact that these people had to get up get their personal belongings their
shopping cart whatever they had their worldly possessions get up and move like they were herded
and they just moved to like the next block to be honest with you and then the they came and cleaned
down the sidewalk and then it just went to the next block it was just it was horrific I mean
these are humans you know and it's just like wow it's I felt kind of naive I thought wow
you know but this is what's going on.
I did a post today and I'm sure it pissed some people off but I've never really worried about
that too much and it was actually Tupac Shakur talking and he's using colorful language and all
this stuff but the whole thing was you know we especially in the states you know and this is
just aiming the sites of religion for a second there's far more organizations that are also
responsible for this but for example we have these mega churches and this point was you know if you
spent half the money on you know built from building a church on the community actually
helping people you'd make a massive dent and it's true like I've had a lot of people on here
that have deep faith you know and I have a huge respect for them and they're on here because
they're good people so they're one of you know arguably walk in the walk but
in a country and I'll just pick Christianity because it's you know so prevalent certainly in
the places I've lived in America so far you have you know them walk into a church and I
studied the bible when I was young too and then they'll come out and then they'll want the homeless
moved away and they'll say we're wasting Narcan on our you know addicts and to me it's like
did you fucking learn nothing what Jesus or Krishna or you name your prophet was out there
in the community healing the people that needed it and yet you're singing your songs and you got
your little fish sticker on your car but you act like a fucking asshole the moment you leave your
synagogue or synagogue or temple you know whatever it is whatever the places that you worship
and that's a massive disconnect that I see I think all those faiths have the common denominators are
absolutely the tenants of how we're supposed to evolve as human beings but I don't see people
walk in the walk people say what would Jesus do not what you just fucking did that's what he would
do it'd be out there anointing you know the poor and the weak and the sick and you know helping
the people that need it and then arguably the people that listen to this are doing that in
uniform but as a nation you know there's a demonization of immigrants and addicts and
homeless and you know 17 percent of our homeless are veterans if I got that I think that's right
you know so this is what drives me crazy is like there are these these holy books are guides
but it's also down to interpretation and if you're being a judgmental asshole
you need to look in the mirror and go am I truly understanding what Jesus is doing and
I'm truly understanding what this faith is supposed to be trying to teach me and if you want
homeless people ushered away rather than going to yourself how can I become part of the solution
that we don't have homelessness in this country anymore then you've completely missed the fucking
point you know I think my my dad said one day the you know they came around to collect some money
for the Indian temple and my dad is like fuck off and my mom's like no Ram you can't say that you've
got to give him money for the temple and my dad turned around and went do you think that's the
place God is in the temple do you think his dad sets foot outside he said you know so he's
everywhere I ain't giving no money and he didn't and I just remember you know where he said do you
think he's just in the temple and I remember thinking well yeah you're right that that God's
everywhere I mean you don't have to be inside a structure of some kind and I completely agree
with you because I had a conversation with somebody the other day and I don't like to get
into deep religious conversations with friends because sometimes it goes a little pear-shaped
you know and I just turned around and said hey listen let's just you know I think religion has
a lot to answer for you know it's created wars it's caused death I mean sometimes when I look at it
what really what good has come out of it because we all want to disagree with everybody else's
religion you know what I mean sometimes we're not even respectful of each other's beliefs you know
and sometimes I think that going to church it's a lot of show it's the right
our world today is so fake that everybody has to you know every picture on Facebook
everybody's apparently doing the right thing or having fun and do you know what I mean so
going to church is the right thing to do and I just think to myself listen if you're going to
church and you really are that good Christian and you believe and you do all that good stuff
you don't shout about it you just do it I mean you have some humility you know so yeah I know
like I said the person I was talking to you know one side of their mouth they were talking all
godly and then the other side about addiction it was like well fucking you know can't they just
and I went well obviously addicts can't just because if they could they would
you know you idiot well it's like their upbringing too like you know I've always said this like my
upbringing clearly gave me some tools to not become deep in addiction even though but I said I drink
so there's one addiction right there but that combination allowed me to be who I am today in
the mental and physical health that I have but if I grew up in a different environment I could be
dead now or I could be on the streets with a needle in my arm there but for the grace of God go I
you know so it's if you're judgmental you're missing the point right there and there's such
an overlap in goodness in all these these holy writings so the takeaway is don't be a dick that's
pretty much what they're all saying so if you're being a dick it doesn't matter if it's the Quran
or the Torah or the Bible you're being a fucking dick so all the holy books are showing you how
not to do it but if you're like oh but this is my version of heaven and yours is wrong again you're
missing the point it's that part that starts wars the faith the belief that the higher power
everyone agrees on it's the minutiae the little stories that you're telling each other that's
creating such division yeah I agree with you there it's like how people interpret things you know
it's again I had a conversation and I don't you know there's not a lot of Indian people I know in
San Diego at all you know um but I was having a conversation with somebody and she said to me oh
what caste are you and you know and what religion are you and I went girlfriend I don't know what
religion I am my dad always said if you can believe in yourself won't you believe in yourself
then you can believe in something you cannot see do you know what I mean but you've got to believe
in you if you don't believe in you then you're you're shit out of luck I said so I am the
Sarindagu religion I believe in me and that's as far as it goes and um that's it man I you know
yeah I try and like to dumb things down because they get really complicated and people there are
certain people that like that complicated lifestyle because they always want to debate something but
never actually do anything yeah I hate the word debate I mean yeah it seems to be like the the
you know the pinnacle of conversation and it's not let me try and prove to you why I'm right
how many times you ever seen come out of a debate go oh I've changed my mind completely
yeah you made some very valid points thanks Steve no you just argue for an hour or two hours and
then walk away more pissed off and no one has really achieved anything you just show your ass
you know something I actually went to a class about uh a class on how to how to argue you know
um how to argue effectively I guess because and one of the things the first thing that stuck out
that was totally me I admit it if I've had an argument with my husband while he's trying to
transmit information to me I'm already thinking about my response so I've had to learn to like
okay let's listen to what what's he's saying maybe it's worth the shit
well I think the other thing that I found from this because I have people from you know if you're
looking about politically all the way through to pretty much the extremes you know a spectrum of
different religions um you know gun philosophies that might be completely anti or I want a tank in
my front room and everything in between but what I found is you start in the middle so you don't
debate you go where you agree and then you just kind of explore the walls and push them out a bit
and then when you hit like a you know a red zone you pull it back in again and that way you learn
from the 90 80 that you actually agree and you have a great conversation and if you think that
the only you know the only god is a christian god or you know I'll die with a fucking AK in my hand
you know I don't care about school shootings whatever the thing is if we can stay in the
middle we can learn from each other and get so much value but if you're just gonna die on the
AK hill or the you know ban every gun hill or whatever then yeah of course you're gonna argue
and this is the thing so to me it's not about debating it's about how much can we agree on or
you know knowledge share before we can actually get to the bottom of it and then you know you
have to have a knowledge share before it becomes too emotional when it does you pull back into that
middle ground and you don't see that in politics at all you know oh we get it's a 10 percent
and everyone says it like well what the fuck do you actually stand for we have an obesity crisis
we have a mental health crisis our school system is fucking dog shit we have the worst healthcare
system in the world what are you gonna do about that oh well let me tell you what the democrats
or the republicans did so you actually don't even know what the fuck you're talking about
that's why you're just doing this little trigger thing because you hope that 50 or 51 percent of
people will vote for you it is insane how that works mentally you know I mean I've had conversations
with people where they are basically repeating just what they've heard on tv but they don't really
know anything about it you know and I think that because of the world we live in and I don't know
how we got here I feel as though we're gonna have to go through this this jacked up time frame
to come out the other end but yeah if people took the 10 second rule like if politicians took that
10 second rule that every parent says to their kid maybe they wouldn't come out with some stupid
shit you know just as in humans if we all took the 10 second rule and just thought all right this is
what I'm about to say before you say it we wouldn't have half the problems and I think everybody's so
hell bent on being right I'm right I said to somebody once I'm sorry but I personally don't
believe that there is one person one person in the United States of America that has all the answers
as to why we are where we are economically I don't think one person has that so you know and then I
look at the two people there are and well that's a whole different podcast the lesser of two evils
that we get to experience out 330 million Americans every four years but you know the crazy thing is
this and I've spoken to potential I've had a conversation with potential guests and I said
to somebody once I said um oh no we didn't just fly to nice places you know we flew to some
shitholes as well you know you can't say shithole surrender you must be a trumpster I went why must
I be a trumpster and they went because you use the word shithole is that like an orange hamster
it could be it is now it's whatever you want it to be um but I'm like okay now you can't have a
conversation in your own vernacular without somebody just assuming something it's we've just
lost the plot it goes back to the racism thing with the ignorance that's where you found yourself
the same and I saw it with covid and it it was so sad because I think a lot more normal people got
dragged to the extreme but oh you're not wearing a mask oh you must be a republican like no maybe
they're just a human being that works in the medical system that knows that your mask is absolute
bullshit it's possible too you know so it's just it's crazy but it just it screams ignorance the
moment you're like oh you're a thing I don't like yeah because you're a thing as your dad said I'm
just thinking your dad should have had his own podcast because he sounded like he was full of
golden nuggets but you know you got to look at every single person individually and if you're
tarring with the same brush well you know who did that the nazis well they were executing jews
that's the kind of behavior that lends to so a community comes together and you know and and
figures out how to make the community better not standing in a world war one trench lobbing
grenades at each other no yeah you're right I mean when living in san diego again immigration is
always a hot topic you know what I mean and I always go back and think about us as immigrants
you know in Bilston and I I don't want to be that person that looked at me that way
you know because I still I still feel that I've I can still feel that look do you know what I mean
and I just think to do that to another human being is just not right so you know again
I always think man all I care about first and foremost are my four walls I want to make sure
I want to make sure my four walls are good you know um because I can't change everybody outside
of them you know so I make sure that I've you relay a good foundation or the best foundation
we know for our children you know um again it's simple shit you know be kind have some humility
you know be respectful there ain't nothing crazy everybody thinks it's so crazy but it's not it's
not crazy it's just really fucking simple you know like your profession you know firefighter
I grew up and my dad always said you know your policeman your firefighter um your teacher
you know you have respect for these people you know they're in these kind of professions and
they save lives and they don't judge whose life is worth saving or not you know their job is to
save lives nurses that's what they do you know um so again when I read or hear negative comments
about first responders I think to myself you're a fucking dumb ass man because you those are the
guys you're fucking gonna call you know and if you had the gonads that they have you'd be
fucking doing something worth the shit you know what I mean yeah and I I support our law enforcement
community you know immensely but they also make mistakes and something happened to my wife a few
days ago and I'm gonna do a video when I've got everything together and articulate it in a way
that's we need to change this and learn from this rather than you know negative but you know they
also make mistakes and they handle things wrong sometimes but that's not the entire profession
and it's down to how they hire how they train how they're given rest and recovery you know there's
a whole load of elements that contribute to that but the rhetoric again is back the blue thin blue
line no cop can do anything wrong or or cops are fascists and they wake every day hoping that they'll
kill an Indian person today and then the middle ground is like most police officers are amazing
selfless servants but there are some bad apples and then there are also some tragic accidents
as a result of terrible leadership and a domino effect of poor training and all those other things
so that's the reality but that's the nuanced conversation in the middle that will facilitate
change the other two get you nowhere the same way as when we have a devastating shooting in our school
there's no compassion and empathy it's like oh they're trying to take our guns oh we need to
take all the guns and these poor families that had their fucking elementary school kids murdered
are lost in the wash of look at me i'm an extremist i know it is
it's so heart-wrenching to me and you know again i tell people all the time
you can't tar everybody with the same brush because there's one idiot i mean i remember going to work
one morning when i had the coffee carts on the navy bases and it was four o'clock in the morning
and i'm driving through a particular city to get to the base and i get pulled over by a policeman
and he was a cocky son of a bitch and i you know and he looked at me and he went uh well he said
what have you got in the trunk scud missiles oh my god and i looked at him and i went no actually
i have 40 gallons of milk because i have a coffee cart on base that i need to get them to you know
what i mean now when i was talking to my brother-in-law who is an attorney my brother-in-law
turned around to me and he went you know that you can take legal action and i went yeah but what's
the fucking point really the guy's an idiot you can't really take legal action against stupidity
you know and i'm not willing to put all that time and effort into it it's really that fucking simple
you know and whereas i know that you know people especially in cali are just so happy for sue this
sue that you know he looked at me wrong sue him you know but yeah there's that one idiot cop
that wanted to know if i had scud missiles yeah i mean seriously dude exactly and you know and
again that's that ruins it now for all the other great officers in that city that pull you know
happen to pull you over again i mean i had something happen with my son and it was the
sro the school resource officer and the principal and there was a horrendous abuse of um of power
we're in that middle school at that time multiple times a week they were they were baker acting
children like the the three-day psychological hold in a room where the shoelaces are taken
and my son it happened to him and he was going through some stuff his mother was
in a kind of abusive relationship and you know he was having a natural reaction he was seeing the
school counselor and this horrendous you know again i mean just fucking awful they kidnapped my child
and uh you know and they ended up changing the law because i was very public about it but there was
you know movements way ahead of me i was just a tiny tiny little piece of the jigsaw puzzle
if they'd done what they did now they'd be in fucking prison for what they did said no no just
my son but all these you know nine ten-year-olds um and it's hard because you know i still get
kind of pseudo-triggered when i see law enforcement vehicles because there are so many good ones but
when you have an interaction like what you had or what i had it does leave a lot of nasty taste in
your mouth and i just had something happen with my wife recently not as bad as that but still
discovering a fucking abuse you know a massive gaping hole in the law that could lead to
you know rapes and murders and all kinds of stuff and uh the way it was handled the lack
of compassion on that particular call was disgusting so i sit here and i advocate for
this profession but when i see someone like that i drag it right into the fucking spotlight as
well and be like this needs to be fixed because you are fucking ruining it for everyone else who
wears a uniform yeah as it should be dragged into the the spotlight because again it's those
individuals that give the rest you know a bad name yeah yeah so again and the other thing is
as well james i think to myself if people again just took a second just take a second and realize
that not every person is like that in that profession or that because you know there's
you know there's people when i was growing up used to say all of this particular race were the same
and all of that particular race are the same and i used to think now i know now it's just people
are individuals there are some things that i think are inherent in custom and culture that may be to
the western eye seeing people are like you know i don't like that but um yeah some things i think
are inherent and they get misconstrued that it's wrong like arranged marriages right i i of course
did not have an arranged marriage um but i don't think there's anything wrong with them one member
of actually two members two of my uh family members had an arranged marriage and they are still with
that individual and one of them i'm talking like 50 years the rest of us and well i'm only been
married once this is my marriage but the others were a little bit you know not so good so but i
still believe in arranged marriages it's like yeah i mean i'm not gonna say they're shitty they work
for some people just wasn't gonna work for me absolutely well you mentioned san diego i just
want to hit barrain before we get into the navy um when you look back at that what was some of the
highs and lows of barrain itself and the culture and then talk to me about any kind of career
stories of your time working in the airlines as well um i see barrain i don't at that time a very
cosmopolitan place um i did not have any issues although i will say i didn't have any issues
obviously because of color of my skin i think i blended in quite well um but i think it was
also obvious that i was an indian from a western country you know not from india and i remember
one day um my punjabi is very good my hindi is good my arabic kind of like you know languages if
you don't use them you lose them kind of deal you know um but and then most of the laborers over
there were indian or pakistani and i remember walking down to the marketplace one day um with
my girlfriends and i dressed conservatively i've never been you know one of those one of the you
know i've never been that kind of gal right um and we're walking down the marketplace and this
indian laborer turns around to his friends as i'm walking by and he goes did you see the size of her
tits and i was like i turned around i went what what did you just say to me in indian i said what
did you just say about me don't you know i'm somebody's daughter somebody's sister shame on
you and the guy was shocked that i could speak the lingo i was like yeah motherfucker don't talk
about me like that but um i didn't have any issues over there and i don't know of any of my western
girlfriends that had any issues over there i loved barrain nice little island joined uh to saudi by a
causeway and um hot very hot obviously the thing i you know some of the things that i did like was
they took a siesta in the afternoon because it was so hot you know so that was pretty cool um it was
a very easy lifestyle i we had a lovely concierge guy who'd run out and get us a six pack hey can
you go get me some apples i mean the guy was awesome you know so it was a very easy lifestyle
and when i think about it they paid you to be there they paid you when you were working and then
when you were down route in a different country they you know they gave you the currency of the
country to go get food i mean i'm talking i'm in my 20s you know i think i'm hot shit i'm flying
everywhere yeah i am loving life loving life and um that was my first interaction with the the u.s
military as well you know um i remember a girlfriend rushed into me once and um she was like hey we've
got to go out tonight we've got to go out tonight i went why what's going on tonight oh there's a
bunch of navy seals navy seals and i went well i don't fucking know what i said i don't even
fucking know what a navy seal is and couldn't give a shit um i said i'm fine kind of thing but i was
a bit of a hustler you know like we had a local bar that we'd go to and i'd say to the barman
hey listen when i drink tonight i just want sambuca and don't put any beans on it and don't light it
because really it's going to be water because i'm going to hustle so i'd be hustling guys at the bar
i'm like i can drink you under the bar but we got to drink sambuca and i'd be doing shots of water
and they'd be getting a lick of um that was yeah it was it was a great place to be it really was
there was nothing wrong with that island like i said it gave me an opportunity to see the world
to uh to have some humility because i didn't realize how much i had you know you take things
for granted and then you go to places where hotels are running generators you know um and you realize
that you look at poverty and that's when you think okay you know i'm lucky son of a gun
and then i also worked for his royal highness on um his flights which um which were
awesome i had the the best time and you know the crazy thing is i never know why he picked me
i mean i am ten a penny over there you know his crew were white blonde hair blue-eyed
and then little old crazy brown lady
you know and i was the only one that ever called him jack i said to him one day i said hey jack
this is not you know i don't like this that or the other do you know what i mean
but i had a great relationship with him um he was a lovely lovely man and i remember he was in a
meeting with kofi and an and um took a heart attack and died and that was the year that i was
getting married um stateside because i remember thinking you son of a gun what now now they've
now they've closed down the airport how am i how's my maid of honor gonna get out
because they closed down barrain airport for a period of time um but thankfully um yeah my
friends could come and visit um so that was pretty cool and i would say to anybody i say to my own
kids hey get out of the house go visit some places just go and check out what's happening the other
side of the world you might be surprised with what you learn you know and i loved being a flight
attendant you know the worst i think the worst thing about being a flight attendant i don't know
if i should say this there was a guy i remember that jacked off in the toilets in economy and um
was he thinking about first class when he was doing it
yeah because i can relate to that i had to walk through it the other night you see
you know he couldn't have been thinking about much because you know when they say a teaspoon this
was half right but i i distinctly saw the blotch right and um my position was l3 i knew flight
attendant l meaning lavatory i was the shitter cleaner and i just thought uh no i gotta have a
line and i had to go walk up to him and i tapped him on the shoulder gave him some tissues and i
went go clean it up i'm not picking i'm not i'm not doing that he went what what i went yeah i know
it's difficult to see because it was just a dribble but it's there do i need to pull the blue light out
for you yeah let's see how let's see what your imagination is like shall we um so yeah i was
like no there's got to be a line in every job that you do i think there has to be
it's got to be a line i mean you know i get it um you know there's things in every job that you
do that you don't like but i'm just not wiping somebody's jack off residue from a restroom
i think that's a fair enough line to put on a job application and i also remember once the flight
the supervisor said to me you're landing into india and she said um sarinda can you make the
announcement please and it was like my first time so i was like you know getting all ready and
everything made a perfect landing announcement the time now is blah blah blah blah finished the
announcement she calls me down the back and she goes um great now can you say it in indian
i was like oh yeah that's right that would be good wouldn't it
well you mentioned that navy seals before so talk to me about meeting your husband and how you found
yourself in san diego well i a roommate of mine a strange story a roommate of mine um
met a team guy met a navy seal um in barrain and they dated and um she ended up moving to coronado
and moving in with him um and so i came over to visit with another girlfriend of mine
and i was out in a bar one night shocker and while i was in there this guy walks in and i
remember looking at this guy and doing a double take thinking this dude is fucking hot right
um totally you know six foot five blonde hair built like a brick shit house i thought you are
my guy i gotta have uh and he walked into that bar he was with some other chick um so i was very
respectful um but he was actually the roommate of the guy that she met um so that's how i met him we
had this long distance thing um obviously i knew about that community from my girlfriend um
and we had this long distance thing and then he said to me um what do you think about moving over
little did he know i was already packing my shit
no i wasn't i wasn't but i was like you know it was the first guy i ever met i can honestly say
this the first guy i ever met that i thought okay now that's the guy that's the guy because i was
never one of these girls that dated i mean in the airlines it was a it was a joke you know and you
get on board a flight and you'd go somebody go are you seeing somebody and i'd go no i'm not
i mean i don't know where in the relationship one is promoted to boyfriend or girlfriend
i've never promoted anybody i've never said you are now my boyfriend
i've never promoted anybody i've never said you are now my boyfriend um so i used to say to people
well you know it's five girls to every guy on the island i think that was the ratio so yeah you might
have had a boyfriend when you walked out the apartment but there's no guarantee that's going
to be your boyfriend when you fly back in do you know what i mean i mean that's just the way that
shit rolled you know so i just never put myself into a situation where i was emotionally involved
to be honest with you but the minute i saw my guy i just thought wow i mean yeah fucking hot shit
still today after 25 years somebody asked me recently especially with him being in that
community and marriage is not lasting very long um you know how do we do it
i don't think there's any secret i i knew who i married and he knew who he married
and we have not tried to change each other you know of course there's shit about him i don't like
and i'm sure there's shit about me that he doesn't like but i think just just not trying to change
each other i like the guy i met you know that's the guy i want to be with i don't want him to be
somebody different 25 years later you know um but yeah he he's a he is a good man now listen if
you're listening to this good you always say i never say good shit about you i'm saying good
shit about you right now yeah he's a he's a he's a good man he's he's definitely the guy i need in
my life because i'm like a bull in a china shop and he's that guy where he's like okay stop
just let's let's just have a look at some stuff here before we just go on in do you know what i
mean um and he is the quintessential quintessential quiet humble operator
i asked my friend ryan parrot in seal team seven um about your husband um because i mean again as
you said he's still in that community he's still very much the you know the gray man the quiet
professional but ryan immediately it was like he was such an incredible leader like he was quiet
but you know he he walked the walk so there's definitely a huge sense of admiration from within
the teams when it comes to him as a leader yeah you know i i said i gave a talk recently and i
said at the end of my talk uh to military spouses i said i know this is gonna sound a little gay to
you but um i you know when you're with the right partner i think when you learn from them you know
and i have learned a great deal from my guy and again i don't give him you know i'm a i'm a wife
i don't give him all the credit that that i should you know what i mean um but yeah he
he i am incredibly proud to have his last name yeah you said about not changing each other this
is something that i've observed um i mean you know most of most of my life so i i my first marriage
i met someone you know it was it was very it was all in at the beginning you know i became a
firefighter so she didn't marry a firefighter there was a change but it you know sadly it
it didn't work there was a you know an extra marital relationship on her side which i have no
you know ill feeling about at all and way way past that i'm remarried but when i did the whole
online dating thing for a bit absolute shit show was like one of those montages from a comedy film
and i was probably the one that was the shit show to be honest but um but then i met my wife and it
was i was just same thing like as soon as i cast eyes on her i'm like wow and then when you know
we started talking she just had the same you know broken brain that i did like the way she thinks
and her humor was just like like you know soul mate and she has grown like she's literally i'm
i'm not in the house at the moment because the last three and a half years she's been in
medical school being an optometrist and she started when she was 40 so just this constant
growth and when i met her she'd lost her previous boyfriend to suicide and he was on the phone to
her when he did it so you know she was she was dealing with that i was dealing with divorce
so we had to heal together as well but what i've realized is that there's that kind of two becomes
one thing with some relationships and they kind of morph and therefore they lose that identity
and i always say you fell in love with the person that haven't met you yet so the further you get
away from that that person with their hopes and their dreams and you know hopefully that their
physical fitness and all these other things the more chance there is of it not working anymore
and that comes you know from first responders like if we're allowing the job to consume us and we're
never home that's part of this conversation if we allow you know weight gain that kind of thing
you know that's part of that conversation because if the person fell in love with you when you were
this particular size you know you're you're leaning away from that again so i think it's
a really important optic when it comes to relationships i'm not saying i'm an expert
by any means but you know having seen the previous one and now this one is i'm still the same person
that went on that first date and so is she we've evolved we've grown
yeah we haven't lost those two identities yeah i made it very clear to my husband at the very
beginning i said there's a couple of things i think you need to know about me um you know most of my
friends throughout my life have been males uh it's just the way it is i ain't got time for
bullshit i don't like gray and sometimes i like to go out get drunk and fall down without any judgment
i said you know the other thing is if i cannot be
surrender i'm i can't be a good wife and i can't be a good mom you know and i can't be a good
business professional if i lose me then nothing works and i and he said well there's a couple
of things you need to know and i said what's that he said um my priorities are us navy us navy sales
my career and um i understood that very clearly and i accepted that and as i give talks to
military spouses about the transition there are some things that i feel we need to remind ourselves
also you know um like a spouse had asked me recently she said you know well when he's
how do you deal with deployments uh when he's on r and r you know he's giving me a call and
he's all been all fucked up and you know i'm at the pyramids or wherever he is she said and i feel
like he's on a on some fucking vacation and um i went well first of all it is important that you
know that r and r is incredibly essential for the service member you gotta have it you gotta have a
little break i said is that your husband sitting behind you she went yes i went hey dude real simple
don't fucking call her when you're on r and r simple you know because i get it you're on a bit
of a high as you know you have a couple of drinks or whatever you know and then you call home you
know the best thing you can probably do is maybe venmo her 100 bucks who gives a shit if it's the
same account venmo word 100 bucks and say hey look man i am going on some r and r this weekend
why don't you get yourself some problem resolved you know as spouses we wait i have waited
26 years for my husband to be my husband and even now he's not my husband is still within that
community you know but that community is very much a part of him it doesn't define him but he's
you know it's it's a part of you did it for 30 years so i get it and he's happy there you know um
you so again after all of these years there's an element of conditioning that takes place
i know that you know and i want nothing more than him to be at home so i have to take that 10 second
rule and shut up before i'm about to fucking lambast him because you know i wanted him home
and i remind spouses all the time look it's not lost upon me and it's not lost upon me james
after 30 years of serving as a team guy i've experienced 14 deployments and i don't know how
many fucking exercises that he's been on but after those many years and those many deployments
i have him you know my family is a unit there's so many guys did not come back in all branches
you know so again as humans i think we just need to take a little bit of a step back and thank al
lucky stars and you know and i tell spouses the other side of the coin is this hey listen man it
ain't all fucking doom and gloom i know every thursday night i can sit in the man room when he's
on a deployment and i can watch the real housewives of any fucking city i want to without my husband
going what you watching that shit for you know so you know your house is organized your kids are
organized you do become very selfish because you come become a control freak it's a manly thing
you come become a control freak it's my house my schedule and then they come back into it and you're
like what the fuck dude you know um but you know i married into it i knew what i was marrying i
um have supported him in the best ways that i possibly can and it's all good shit man i mean
it's all good you know do you have any routines or any any things that you do prior to him deploying
and then that homecoming because like it's amazing we don't really think about it my profession
i was gone usually 24 hours so you know my my wife is a single parent you know and on her own for
that time but it's not weeks at a time the wildland community is a lot more like the military
still not months and months but you know they can be gone for weeks and uh one of my friends
amanda marsh is talking about that the transition of a husband coming home when she's been
you know doing the stables and the house and all the other things on her own so are there any things
that you did prior and post that you think helped ease the transition out or back
i'm trying to think here because again it helps that we are both very independent
people that can come together in a partnership um when i would drop him off and again my business
is on base as well for many years so i'd be driving to work and maybe he'd be pulling out
you know what i mean um i i never liked that i never said goodbye you know i dropped him off at
work he was that guy that was going to be the first guy there you know um i would just make sure
that we didn't argue i think as a spouse that sometimes is your big thing you don't want to
argue because you don't want them leaving you know because i say this to spouses as well i think it's
got to be really really difficult for the service member to leave because we still have our home
comforts they do not you know what i mean so and there's got to be that thought in their mind
about coming back you know am i going to come back and will i be you know that has to go through
because it goes i mean it's gone through my mind a couple of times you know when he's been away
but and then i just it's mind over matter for me and i my only thinking is he's coming back
there ain't no gray in my head he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back
there ain't no gray in my head he's fucking coming back you know um i think there was
once we had children the dynamics changed a little a little um because then leading up to deployment
you know we would um fill in the kids you know let them know we never lied to them dad's going on a
deployment you know he's going to be away for a long time um but the coming back i mean the coming
back is always always beautiful you know but then my guy was always that guy as well he was going
to be the last one that um you know made sure all that shit was looked after whatever shit had to be
looked after do you know what i mean and then i'd pick him up from the the base and um or the airport
and you know it's weird i've got to be honest it's weird your guy is coming home it's been six seven
months i hated picking him up from san diego airport because you're in public you know and
it's just like people are looking and you know and yeah and you know i just wanted to be cool i didn't
want to be like oh welcome home do you know what i mean you know so sometimes it's a little bit
awkward it's a little awkward in the beginning it is you know um but i do one on one of the deployments
um i'm gonna give a shout out to the cbs god bless the cbs because they came over and they fucking
gutted my garage chief cain dan cain you are the bomb.com they gutted my garage and they built
the best fucking man cave ever and i found all of my husband's old pictures from birds and all the
rest of it and i put him into frames the whole nine yards you know and he came home that night
you know um and it was late we walked walked into the man cave and he nearly shot a load because
he was like what the fuck look at this a whole teaspoon whole tea not actually two teaspoons
um but now you know it was great so yeah and i think coming back the other thing is it's hard
and i'm gonna be honest and i know spouses out there gonna understand sometimes for a few
for a female the argument or discussion you are having prior to the deployment you've put it
underneath the carpet because you don't you don't want them to leave you know unhappy and you you
know then they come back for you maybe the argument or discussion hasn't there hasn't been closure
but for them because it's a guy thing isn't it you're away it's all right i'm coming home
problem solve what happened nothing happened we don't even fucking remember um whereas sometimes
it's a little hard when you know your partner does remember and so i have no shame in saying
that sometimes coming back from a deployment and now through the transition that sometimes
there's a little resentment you know there's a little resentment hey man i fucking had our
first kid by us myself you know um you weren't here when my dad passed you know you weren't around
my mom passed you know kind of thing um or you weren't available at certain times so you do get
that little bit of resentment and what i've realized is i can i can tell him i can say hey look that
fucking sucked for me because he doesn't know what i was going through because you you you everything's
good man every phone call home are you good shit's good you know you don't tell him you keep it to
yourself but it's nice to be able to say hey look these times were tough because how else is he
gonna know and it's not to make him feel guilty it's just so he knows hey yeah this shit happened
and you know and that shit happened it's a handover it's a good handover and if you deliver it
correctly without it coming across like oh you weren't here when this happened because they can't
be there it's not his fault you know so and then you know you just i think with my guy it's always
been easy i've been real fortunate he comes home he has his dip has a couple of silver bullets we're golden
brilliant a powerful perspective yeah i want to just shift to something that we talked about last
time we spoke which is uh i think an area that most of us really just weren't aware of so talk
to me about the financial instability of some of these military families while their loved ones are
deploying elsewhere yeah it's um it really gives me a heavy heart to even think about it just because
gives me a heavy heart to even think about it james but as i've started my podcast and i've been out
there in the community just talking to you know spouses service members san diego the junior
enlisted in san diego are finding it very are finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meet
simply because the price the cost of living and i think what happens um is that b a h you know your
housing is put up but then when your housing goes up that gives your landlord your landlord puts the
rent up so that money's still not in your pocket but the cost of living has to go for service members
i interviewed i don't i'm not going to call it an interview i bumped into a couple of military
spouses that i was bullshitting with and six of them beautiful ladies and they have resorted to
dumpster diving can you fucking believe that i really had to i stood there like an idiot and
i'm like what well what do you mean she's like well you get in the dumpster and you see what's
in there and you take what you need and i just thought you really are talking about dumpster
diving there's no way you'd leave your house to go to work for whatever period of time
if you knew your family if there was a food insecurity would you no absolutely so i don't
i don't understand how these junior enlisted families are surviving and then on top of that
the service member is expected to give 100 productivity at work whether it's stateside or
on deployment how can you do that and so it is my big thing in san diego at least to be able to get
in san diego at least to be able to get to a point where i can just help with some shit you know what
i've noticed is that i've seen our service members in the the driving line for feeding san diego which
does a fantastic job i'd like to create an environment though where those that need can
come and take what they need and also leave with their dignity intact because i think you know as
as an immigrant family i remember going to the food pantry and there was nothing but goodness
projected from the food pantry you know we were incredibly grateful but as an indian family my
mom was like well what the hell is bok choy you know and so you got what you were given kind of
thing and but you always left there kind of knowing you didn't have enough do you know even as a kid
you knew you knew you know so i would like to provide somehow some way um i'll make it happen
i ain't shy um i want to provide that environment where your dignity is intact and it's okay you
know it's not their fault you know and and that's how i think that against the shame it's the shame
shame's a fucking awful thing you know so um yeah that's my thing with food insecurities in san
diego i know that there has to be other parts of um other bases other military places you know
cities that are affected but since i'm based in san diego and i'm active in the community
this is where it's come to to my attention let's be honest i mean people people work in having jobs
in san diego right now the median house of a median price of a house is 800 000 bucks i mean
who the fuck has got that yep exactly well what when you have discussions with your husband or
other people that have been in that community for a long time what went wrong how do we get to this
point and if you are queen for the day what do we need to do at the actual military level to get it
to where those families at least are able to you know to feed themselves like they i'm assuming
could 20 30 years ago now i'm going to say this and i don't know shit but what i think should happen
is it is the cost of living allowance cola that is what needs to go up in order for the service
member to be able to get that money for cost of living and like i said not bah you know i read a
report and i have to do my due diligence on this but i read a report recently i'm in san diego
but i think if you drive an hour up north you know um service members up there get cola
it's like okay we're talking 60 fucking minutes man you know um there is
uh you know the the economy is what the economy is you know i mean that's so fucking complicated
in itself but for the service member they need to have cola needs to be adjusted and adjusted
in accordance to where the service member is sent you can i mean it makes no sense to me you can't
send a service member you know um to a place where they can't afford to live and not everybody
chooses to live on base housing and um and i don't even know to be honest with you how much base
housing is available in san diego but even if it's base housing inflation is what it is
you know and the cost of living is ridiculous i mean a gallon of gas in san diego right now today
on june 20th is five dollars 57 that's fucking insanity man yeah yeah there's something really
going on here when i remember at one time how the gas in hawaii was cheaper than that in california
if somebody can fucking explain that to me you know i don't even know how that can be
yeah i mean you literally have pumps all the way down down the car i remember living in
huntington beach and there were gas pumps everywhere so you know like the you know the wells so yeah
yeah you can get it literally beneath your own feet it shouldn't be five dollars a gallon no but
i do like i said it's you know to your question i think the cost of living allowance has to be
raised how how much longer can this go on because then you know what the the effect of it is you've
got you've got great agencies like i said feeding san diego that are already trying to feed homeless
people and homeless vets and now they've got another demo that they need to try and feed as well
military and you know i'm an old-fashioned gal and i just think to myself those people
that stand so i can sleep so i can do whatever the fuck i do on my day how can they be going
without food you know it's such a basic basic necessity let me just interject for a second
because i'm kind of confused didn't we end two wars in the middle east so shouldn't the budget
be higher now to take care of them because we're not spending you know one million dollars per
missile being shot from a battleship anymore or you know whatever whatever i've actually shared
something recently it showed the cost of you know a magazine of ammunition all the way through to
literally like millions of dollars per per rocket it was insane so if we're not firing all those
anymore isn't there more opportunity to take care of this at the moment you know i think when you
put it like that it makes absolute perfect sense there should be but i don't know where it is
you know um does anybody know where it is i mean really i who knows what who knows
how finances are really worked here i mean i don't know if you felt the same way when you moved
stateside but it kind of blew my mind that in order for me to open my first business
i had to have a credit card i had to have some element of debt in order to start a
get a credit rating start a credit history now i don't know whether it was britain or whether
it was just my culture at the time but my dad was always like listen if you put it on a credit card
you better make sure you got the cash because you can end up paying it you know what i mean you've
got to make sure you pay kind of thing so don't put it on the credit card you know um so it was
strange to me that you had to go into some debt is didn't you think financially that was a little
weird when you moved over too yeah no the same thing because because when i first came over here
i did it wrong and i got i did exactly what they want you to do you know i used the cards like i
had that money and then was constantly paying minimums and you know yeah so i fell for the
trap myself and didn't do well and now you know my that's the thing one of the things about my wife
we talk about yin and yang she's great with money and she's got my credit card and she's got my
money and she's got my credit all the way back to to where it needs to be and there was a divorce
in there too which just ruins you financially but um you know but yeah but it definitely is a system
set up to to break you down the other question that i have with our military when i'm thinking
about the fire service and cola i mean we've more often a lot their cola increase might be three
percent you know maybe but you look at you know like you said everything at the moment it's way
more than three percent more expensive you know so our firefighters are going throughout so what they
tend to do is just work more jobs so they're already working six hours a week as a firefighter
and then they're going to do an overtime or you know work somewhere else correct me if i'm wrong
do the military have that opportunity or is that their only job so they're even harder for them to
to even subsidize their income to the best of my knowledge that is their only job but i do know of
service members like um my guy that did a video for me a couple of months ago he's a marine
and he did it after hours you know i know a lot of service members actually you know maybe they are
the the bouncer at a club or the doorman at a bar you know kind of thing everybody's got a secondary
job most junior enlisted that i speak with are looking for or have a little side hustle you know
and it's it's it's difficult for spouses to some extent because again the stigma that's attached to
spouses in oh well they move every two years so you know there's no point in giving them a job
and it's like okay no we're not looking for a job we're looking for a career and with the
amount of remote work available um shouldn't be a problem shouldn't be a problem to hire a military
spouse absolutely and i've always said to companies if you hire a military spouse you've automatically
saved money because you probably won't want your medical or your dental right um and when that time
does come that she has to move on if she has to move on guaranteed she is going to find her
replacement train her replacement and you'll never have that gap that's going to save you time money
it saves so much shit because you know training an employee is the one of the most disliked training
a new employee is one the most disliked thing an employee wants to do because they don't sometimes
they don't see the value in it but you you spent all this money trying to find them so you've got
to spend time training them you know a military spouse will train her military spouse and yeah
so yeah service members everybody everybody i've spoken to recently has a side hustle or is looking
for a side hustle yeah i've always said firefighters and obviously military should be paid in a way
where they don't need a second job now if you want that ski boat or that lifted truck or whatever
okay well then that's over and above you know but i mean there's a lot of firefighters that need to
work a second job literally just to pay their mortgage which is just and we're talking a 56
hour work week as well you know so it's it's insanity and and to put to reprioritize our
military our first responders our teachers all these people as you said at the beginning
that really are the backbone of the community yeah because they're the ones you call either you know
asked to help you raise your children like a teacher or call when you know a country is doing
something horrendous or to protect you here ems and you know all those groups we have to give them
an environment that allows them to go home you know healthily you know so and that involves you
know not only the the shift structure that you should have that i fight for in the fire service
but also the financial side but an understanding that if you want luxuries over and above then yeah
absolutely go and that's a beautiful opportunity to be an entrepreneur then but no member of the
military or first responder profession should have to have a second job simply to exist i mean look
at now in california the minimum wage is 20 dollars an hour to flip a burger and uh what is it rubios
they have filed for bankruptcy right and they can't afford to keep operating it's not the only company
in cali that we're 20 sometimes you know somebody said to me the other day that's more than um and
me correct me if i'm wrong trainee firefighters don't get that much you know um nurses and i'm
just thinking myself this shit's all backwards it's all backwards and i look at um athletes your nfl
players look i love the nfl i love american football i do right i have not watched it for
two years right for my own reasons and
i don't think i don't give fuck who you are how many touchdowns you've done going back to what we
were discussing earlier about the tom brady roast i don't think anybody i don't understand how do you
make that much money how are you worth that much money when they're a junior enlisted they can't
eat and they are providing you the 02 so you can go play your game or do your thing do you know what
i mean it's so it it just blows my tiny mind i mean somebody must have somebody somewhere
this is not the first time this question has been asked surely to god you know so why is it they get
i want to know why do they get paid so much fucking money i mean i know the nfl makes a lot of money
right but i don't understand it
yeah i mean it is it's it's it's just like i said it's just about prioritizing you know should we
take care of our athletes that people enjoy watching you know and their concussion and all
that kind of stuff absolutely but yeah when you've got a you know a brand new firefighter ent making
12 dollars an hour yeah and a guy that jumped that really tall guy that can basically touch a hoop
without jumping puts a ball in there and you know it's just it's just it's just it's just
without jumping puts a ball in it and he's making millions and millions you know it is it's just it's
it's so backward you know there's people are great athletes and should they be able to be professionals
if people love watching them absolutely but in that case that's also invest simultaneously in the
people that are actually you're going to call three free numbers on your phone when your fucking world
is about to end you know if they're not well trained and rested and this is why i tell the
fire service like look at your favorite athlete they have psychologists and nutritionists and
strength and conditioning coaches and you know they're not missing sleep every third day quite
the opposite you know so why are they more important than you no one's no one's able to
answer that you know why is it that the guy that puts the ball in a hole gets all of that but the
person who's going to wake up at three in the morning go into a burning building pull your kid
out and try and save their life yeah it's working 56 hours a week and making 40 grand it just it's
it's so backwards you know it's i spoke to a young kid the other day and i said to him i said you
know you should be an emt i said you'd be good at that and he went do you know what they get paid
and i went no he went nothing and i went wow we were talking about people's lives saving people's
lives and it's just is it is it like that back home is it like that in the uk as well i think
i think so i think this is the problem it's it's you know it's it's kind of like a a western thing
and i don't know again scandinavia they seem to do so many things well i don't know if it's better
there but um yeah and the interesting thing is the firefighters back home don't get the same level
of respect that we have here too like there's a lot of assaults on british firefighters when grenfell
happened they threw them under the fucking bus after heroically rescuing you know numerous people
you know so you know there's there's a again just a lack of support i mean covid again i was talking
to my last guest you know what are we going to do to help them oh we'll just go outside at five
o'clock and clap that'll do it you know there was no support for all those incredible first responders
and doctors and nurses and everyone else who was holding the line where people are cowering in their
their you know their homes so you know we have to kind of remind ourselves about the hierarchy of
needs and security is the base you know so whether you're an agent seal or a firefighter you are the
base for your country in your community but we've got it completely backwards like no no a quarterback
is the base tom brady's the base no he's fucking not you know it's my mom had said to me once it
was after 9 11 and um she said to me you know what the problem is she said people forget
and i went you're absolutely right people forget
9 11 they forget you know what you guys did what our first responders did um
um and i don't understand why is it this is it what is the rhetoric that's been put out there
where these professions um are not looked at you know with the same respect well why is it like
that today i really really don't understand it even if you didn't know anything about being a
firefighter being an emt right being in the military wouldn't i mean with firefighters my
first thought would be oh shit man you go into a fire that's fucking that's insane you know
you're the bomb.com because i'm the person who would be running away you know um so i would just
be in awe i just don't understand where where's all that gone with people like i said the kid the
other day the first thing he thought and he had every right i'm not gonna knock him you know oh
they don't get paid a lot you know so yes have you got to think about how much money you're earning
yeah i get it i get it but you're saving lives you know you're doing something that very few
people can do really. Well i think the other problem that you know your husband and obviously
your family have seen and then a lot of the first responder community have seen is i got hired uh oh
four so 9-11 happened i was living in japan you know moved to the states you know and then went
through fire academy and then i've got my first job in 04 you know a lot of the military members
their career spanned pre post 9-11 and obviously everything changed there so back then it was kind
of very romantic and you know i mean you had to compete against thousands of people for a job as
a firefighter 20 years ago i did but then the curtain was pulled back you know the impact of
of combat in afghanistan and iraq and the physical toll the emotional toll you know was front and
center and then in the fire service you know we just asked to do more and more and more with less
and less and less this is what i tell people now a young person now doesn't blindly go i want to be
a navy seal because i want to be charlie sheen they're like i'm a son of a of a navy seal and
dad wasn't home for most of my life and when he did come home he was angry and he drank i don't
ever want to be like that as a father and it's the same in the fire service so the only way that we
can get people excited about our professions again is to fix the things that are broken
if i'm going to be a junior enlisted and i hear that might have to be dumpster diving
maybe i'm going to go work for ups instead if i'm going to be you know a firefighter and i'm like oh
56 hours a week but then when that morning you can tell me oh you've got to stay for another 24 hours
now i'm 80 hours that week away from my family and i can't go to my son's birthday party now
no that sounds terrible i'm gonna go work for amazon you know but we can fix these things
and like we said within the military especially there should be billions just spilling out of
pockets everywhere because we're not at war anymore so you have to fix this you know what that is
these billions spilling out of pockets you know what that is that's a big wet dream my friend
and that's what that is because yeah you would think that even common sense would prevail
yeah you know but it doesn't and again you know i mean i don't care what country it is i mean
politics they're just dirty and we end up paying the price of you know the dirtiness
that's why i always think to myself as selfish as it sounds you've got to make sure your four walls
are good you know before you can go out there and you know do anything else and so i think
there's a lot of basic shit we've got away from you know something i'll tell you this just came
into my mind thinking about my kid i took my kid with me up to camp pendleton last november
for thanksgiving we were you know volunteering just giving out thanksgiving meals now my kid i
have to say she is she's awesome she's a great kid you know so i take jordan up there and um all
these young marines are there and then i kind of regretted taking jordan you know because i'm like
but anyway we were talking to these young marines and i said to one of them i said how old are you
and he went i'm 18 and um on the drive home jordan turned around to me and she went mom
i could not believe that that boy was 18 i went girlfriend i said your father was 18
she went he was and i think it was difficult for her to because as you're growing up you know
obviously see dad at that age so you can't imagine dad being 18 signing on the dotted line you know
yeah it gave her a completely different perspective you know um and i thought to myself it would be
cool if high schools in high schools throughout the u.s. part of your volunteer obligation
is to go serve a first responder thanksgiving christmas dinner whatever the event is that's
where you're gonna go that has to be one place you volunteer you know um like i said it gave my kid a
very different perspective you know her having conversations herself with these young guys
and she understood that you know after 30 years when i look at my husband and i go dude you
fucking you give stoic a new name you know i mean
you know and she understands that um after going to some of these events that she gets a better
picture of it and i think every kid should know i think they should go volunteer they should be
mandatory absolutely well before we wrap up i want to make sure we talk about your podcast
so the good is it the good show that's right the good show talk to me about what made you
get behind the microphone yourself i think what really did it was after having all those coffee
locations on basis for all of those years i wish i could have recorded those conversations i mean
they were incredibly funny by today's standards they are also incredibly inappropriate but um
you know i and i realized at that point um again for me growing up in the culture and era that i
did where judgment was everything it was huge to me that i walked onto this base set up a little
coffee card nobody judged me nobody gave a shit everybody came bought coffee from me bullshitted
with me and i just felt i was a part of something and i think it's important to acknowledge and
give a platform to veterans and spouses to just to talk about their experience you know just off
load it is what it is you know we're sometimes we're all hell bent on not you know saying the
right thing you know no everything is okay well no no it's not really you know the transition is a
process and there's highs and lows and i think going back to your first point the only way we
can really help each other or make things better is if we bring together the people that we care
about and the only way we can make things better is if we bring them to the forefront you know to
talk about them so i decided that you know um i've been talking to some great people just about why
they joined the military uh how their career has helped them in the civilian world um things
they've learned i mean it's great it's good knowledge you know and my tagline is hey i just
that's it you know um if i can get somebody who is listening to a military spouse or a veteran
that is talking about their business if i can get one person just to go order something from that
business then i've helped it grow and that's what i want to do i want to you know just highlight
the hard work that's involved in it and just give them a platform ain't nothing crazy beautiful
where can people find that it's on all um streaming platforms i heart apple um you know google
it's the good show it's g o o d e show somebody asked me the other day what's the e for i went
it's for edge
it's good with an edge uh and i'm on instagram at the good show and i would like everybody to go to
my instagram and follow me because these numbers thing oh talking about numbers i do want to say
this i didn't want to toot my horn for this um i just looked up the ratings the other day uh
yesterday and i'm ranked number five of the top milspouse podcast to follow in 2024 the other four
above me are very good podcasts but i'm coming well based on this discussion i'm sure that the
the the episode is going to be amazing because like it's such a very different lens that you have and
this is when people tell me i have firefighters i'm thinking of you know starting a podcast i don't
want to tread on your toes i'm like firstly i didn't invite invite excuse me invent podcasting so
i would be an arrogant narcissist if i said you're treading on my toes but secondly every single
person has a unique perspective so i'm sure the other spouse ones aren't you know british-born
indian heritage seal spouses you know who swear like a sailor so everyone's got their own unique
lens so i think this is what's so beautiful about podcasting is it's such a great medium to have
these important conversations so i'm excited to see who you get on next well listen i you you got
to come on my podcast well i definitely because there's a couple yeah there's a couple of things
that i want to ask you about what you do that we haven't even touched on that again you know highlighting
you know people that again i would run the other way you guys are the guys that run towards it
and i am in awe of that i'm in total awe of it and i want to say thank you because i don't think you
guys get as don't get the kudos that you should and every time i see a fire truck i always think of
you here well i want to say thank you so much it's been such an incredible conversation i think god
we've dropped more truth bombs than the uh us air force but uh you know i think you know these
these things need to be said and i think it's it's so great to hear from a you know a fellow brit
we've got kind of similar perspectives on a lot of things so and then obviously raising you know
awareness about this issue with our you know military family has not been able to make ends
meet so i want to thank you so much for being so generous with your time and coming on the behind
the shield podcast today james thank you so much look forward to having you on the good show