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This episode is brought to you by Thorne and I have some incredible news for any of you

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Now to learn more about Thorn, go to episode 323 of the Behind the Shield podcast with

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Joel Titoro and Wes Barnett.

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This episode is sponsored by 511, a company that I've used for well over a decade and

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continue to use to this day.

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And 511 is offering you guys, the audience of the Behind the Shield podcast, a discount

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on every purchase you make with them.

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Before we get to that code, I want to highlight a couple of products that again, I personally

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use today.

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One of the most impressive products they just released is their Rush Backpack 2.0.

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Now for many of you, whether you're going to the fire station, the police station, whether

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you're traveling with your family, whether you're taking training courses, we have to

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fly, we have to drive, we have to take trains.

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And I have to say, I own multiple backpacks, many of 511's different ones, but as far as

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a daypack, this one was the most impressive.

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There are so many different compartments.

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The way it sits on your back is incredibly comfortable.

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If you are a concealed carry person, there's also a spot for a weapon.

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So they've thought of multiple, multiple things that a man or woman would have to do on a

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daily basis.

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That is in addition to all of the products that I talk about a lot.

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The footwear that they offer, whether it's the Norris sneaker or the Atlas system that

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is designed for foot health and therefore knees and back and hips and shoulders and

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neck.

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As a civilian, I live in a lot of their clothes as well.

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Their jeans stretch, you can actually squat down in them.

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We live in Florida here, so I wear a lot of their shorts, which again, very, very lightweight

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material.

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You can get it wet and it will dry almost immediately.

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And then moving to the fitness and tactical space, I used to have just a regular weight

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vest.

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Recently, I switched to a 511 vest and actually bought ballistic plates as well.

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My thinking was simply, if I'm going to have a vest, why not have one that protects me

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as well?

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And that tack vest is trusted by law enforcement all around the country.

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So I mentioned they were going to offer you a discount code.

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So if you go to 511tactical.com and enter the code SHIELD15, S-H-I-E-L-D-1-5, you will

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get 15% off not just that one purchase, but every time you visit their store.

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If you want to learn more about 511, their mission, their products, then listen to episode

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338 of the Behind the Shield podcast with the CEO and founder, Francisco Morales.

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Welcome to the Behind the Shield podcast.

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As always, my name is James Gearing and this week it is my absolute honor to welcome on

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the show, psychotherapist, former firefighter and human performance coach, Vin Infante.

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Now in this conversation, we discuss a host of topics from his early life, his journey

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into the world of counseling, his path into the fire service, his decision to be part

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of the mental health solution outside our profession, forging high performance, coaching

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and so much more.

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And before we get to this amazing conversation, as I say every week, please just take a moment,

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go to whichever app you listen to this on, subscribe to the show, leave feedback and

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leave a rating.

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Every single five star rating truly does elevate this podcast, therefore making it easier for

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other people to find.

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And this is a free library of well over 900 episodes now.

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So all I ask in return is that you help share these incredible men and women stories to

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I can get them to every single person on planet earth who needs to hear them.

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So with that being said, I introduce to you Vin Infante.

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Enjoy.

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Well then I want to start by saying welcome to the Behind the Shield podcast today.

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Thanks for having me, James.

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So where on planet earth we finding you this afternoon?

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New York City.

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Beautiful.

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Well, I want to start the very beginning of your story.

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So tell me where you were born and tell me a little about your family dynamic, what your

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parents did, how many siblings?

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Born in New York, still here, never left.

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We grew up in a house of two parents, my brother, he's seven years older, and we had a dog,

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a childhood dog.

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Like I feel like a lot of people have childhood pets.

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So we had a little dog.

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And my dad is a therapist.

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My mom is a well, she was a teacher.

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And I guess my dad is still a therapist, even though he's technically retired because he

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had two other jobs.

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So my dad worked three jobs virtually his whole life, where he was a director at a hospital.

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He was a school social worker, but more appropriately, he was like a dean and a guidance counselor.

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And then he had his private practice for psychotherapy that he started.

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So it's been an interesting journey with them.

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With your dad, with such a kind of long background in the mental health conversation, and then

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you into why interweave it with the school system as well.

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What has been his observations of how this conversation has evolved?

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And have you also had any conversations with him about safety in schools and mental health?

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So my dad, he retired.

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I don't even know how long ago it was at this point.

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Honestly, he my dad is in his 70s.

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So he's been retired from the Board of Ed for actually quite a bit.

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Like I don't even remember when he retired from the Board of Ed.

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And the the conversation from my understanding back when he was there wasn't as big of a

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conversation.

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You know, my let's just say my dad's been retired for I don't know if this is true,

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but let's just say he's been retired for 10 years.

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10 years ago, I mean, it was still not a huge conversation.

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10 years I was in my 20s and mental health was still this thing that was kind of stigmatized.

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So I don't really know as far as what his conversations were.

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But I know that even for myself, I at one point worked in the school system, roughly

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almost 10 years ago.

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I was a school social worker for a little bit.

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And it's interesting, because I think it depends on where you're at.

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The dynamics in schools and mental health actually very heavily determined are determined

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by the demographics that you're serving.

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So for instance, we were in a lower income, lower population area.

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And a lot of the kids would need additional services and additional supports, like maybe

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they'd be behind in reading or they'd be behind in math or whatever the case is.

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And we would do these things called like an ICP, which is basically a plan to help your

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child go up and get to where they're supposed to be.

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And a lot of the times you call these parents and be like, hey, I need you to come in so

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that you could sign this plan so that your kid could get additional services.

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And they would be annoyed.

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They'd be like, I got to come in.

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Can't you just email it to me?

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It's like, no, we need to talk to you.

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We need to have a meeting.

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We need you to sign it, be here physically.

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I don't really want to come in today.

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I just woke up.

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The time she was like 11 in the morning.

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Then it's like, well, when are you free?

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It's like, well, I don't have a job, but I just like, do I have to come in?

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And so it was really interesting because working in these lower demographics or economic areas,

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these demographics were showing that a lot of these parents didn't really take too much

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concern on trying to help their kids better themselves.

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Meanwhile, there was another school I worked in that was in a higher income area and the

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kids that needed support, you call the parent, you're like, hey, your kid needs the services.

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They'll be like, all right, when can we do it?

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I'll come in tomorrow.

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And they're annoying the hell out of you every day after that of like, how's my kid?

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What's the services?

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How's he getting involved?

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And so it's really interesting.

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I think part of the conversation that needs to be had around mental health and support,

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even in schools is not just about what is the school or the support that's being provided

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to the kid, but more so about the family dynamic, which is why it's actually pretty good that

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you even bring up these questions.

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So you've got two human beings.

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One is from a more affluent area.

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If you deconstruct the actual reasons, why do you think that we have these issues more

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so in some of the lower income houses?

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Well, it's tough, right?

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There's a lot of interesting things.

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So because of the fact that my background is in social work and that's how I became

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a therapist, I've worked in a lot of different settings and primarily most of the settings

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I've worked in have been a lot of the lower income impoverished areas.

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And there's a lot of consistency that I would say.

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And to be frank, a lot of the times people don't want to hear my opinion.

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So this is going to be a fun conversation because look at me, I'm a white guy, all this

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other good stuff.

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And people are like, well, you don't understand any of it or you don't get it.

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It's like, I probably get it more than most people because I've worked in those settings

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for nine years.

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So there's a lot of consistency.

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One major factor is that there is not a very good family dynamic.

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For instance, in the school system that I was in, a lot of the children, none of them

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had the same last name as their parents.

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And I shouldn't say none of them, most of them did not have the same last name as their

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parents.

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And if there was a male figure in the picture, he typically was not the father, or there

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just wasn't really a consistent male figure around.

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It wasn't like a good uncle, a good cousin, a father.

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And we see that there's the family dynamics, not a very broken one.

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Another thing is there's a different level of standards.

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Like you have this one woman who's unemployed, waking up at 11am annoyed that she has to

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come into school to sign a document for her kid.

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You have the other one where this woman is probably working a full time job and still

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calling us every day to make sure her kid is getting what they need.

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So I see a little difference in level of standards.

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There was this one interesting thing that I also saw.

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So I worked at this one school, it was a diploma plus school, where the youngest children,

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the youngest people in there were 18 and they were freshmen in high school.

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And it was interesting because as I was working with these kids, some of them had parole officers.

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Now the second chance school is a school for people who either dropped out, failed out,

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got kicked out.

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And now they're going to try and come back and get their education so they can get their

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GED or college diploma, high school diploma, whatever the case.

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So one thing that I saw was this one kid I was working with.

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I'd be like, dude, you got to study, like take your books home.

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And he didn't want to take his books home because he was afraid that he would get jumped.

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He was afraid that people would make fun of him.

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He was afraid that he might just get jumped because he's studying and people would think

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he's a loser.

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And it's really interesting because then when I was in the more affluent areas, there's

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like praise for getting these great grades and for doing well in school and for support

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when in the other area, it's you're a loser and you need to be beat up and you need to

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be jumped.

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And, you know, who do you think you are trying to learn?

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So it's not just like one thing.

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It's so many things and even the experiences too.

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And mind you, I'm not even talking about paid experiences.

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The guys and girls in these diploma plus schools, 18, 20, 22, like that's how old they were,

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have never been even on like these free trips.

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Like when I was younger, we did a free school and I was in a public school, by the way,

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but we did a free school trip to the Museum of Natural History in New York, which is a

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again it's free to get in.

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And so I've seen that, but these kids in their 18s and 20s have never experienced going to

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a museum before.

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Like it was amazing seeing a 21 year old being wowed as if he was three because we took him

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to the museum for the first time.

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I started, I started a young men's group in the high school that I was in and that diploma

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plus school and the things we were doing with them were things that they never experienced

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and they weren't complex things like they had a pizza party.

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We friggin went to a free museum.

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Like it's amazing because it just seems like they have such little effort poured into their

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lives to show them what's out there, what's available, like what life has to offer.

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And that was probably one of the sadder things to see a grown man who's like 22 run around

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like he's three because he never experienced that before.

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So there's so many, there's so many things, James.

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It's interesting because people pick one.

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Like if you think about the school shootings, it's the guns, you know, and it's just like,

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no, it's, it's a pie chart that creates these issues.

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And so when people are judgmental towards broken homes, I'm actually writing a book

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at the moment and it's going to talk about this, that multi-generational trauma.

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Well, why is dad not there?

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What happened to dad?

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Dad was once, or mom, they were once a giggling little preschooler that all they cared about

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was, you know, playing with balls and picking flowers and chasing butterflies.

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And then the environment that they grew up in started kind of encapsulating them.

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So we have to look at what are we doing that's continuing perpetuating this issue.

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And one of the things I talk about a lot in here is the prohibition of drugs.

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If drugs were not illegal and addicts went to medical facilities and got mental health

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counseling and addiction counseling and job creation, there wouldn't be people slinging

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the dope on the streets anymore.

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There wouldn't be gangs.

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Therefore, a lot of these negative role models wouldn't exist around our children.

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There would always be bad people that have found their way in a life of crime, but you

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would massively minimize it.

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And then conversely, what's interesting is if you look at the way that a lot of our poorer

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areas, the school thing is funded, they're held to this standardized test.

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And so they end up getting less support and less, you know, financial investment.

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And if you look at someone like Finland, I've had a Finnish educator on the show, it's the

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opposite where there are, you know, communities that are struggling.

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They invest more resources into those communities so that they can try and break that cycle

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because it might be that, you know, this happens a lot in the U.S.

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You know, a lot of the child abuse is reported by our teachers, not the parents, you know.

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So sometimes the teachers and the school counselors are, you know, that kind of beacon of light

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for some of these kids that are in very desperate homes.

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I can't agree more.

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You know, even though I know we could segue this actually pretty funny, funny enough,

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because when I was younger, I got bullied a lot and I was pretty much ostracized.

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And as a kid that gets bullied, you never really feel comfortable talking to your parents

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about it, especially because if you do, your parents typically make it worse because they

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want to help and they'll call the school and they'll make us think and then nothing happens

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because like nobody saw it.

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And now you wind up just getting beat up worse or whatever the case is.

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So after my parents had tried to help me before, my mom tried to help me before, I was like,

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you know, it's probably just not tell anyone.

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And so I used to hide out in the guidance counselor's office and I would go and I would

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try and eat lunch there and be by myself and avoid all of the stuff that I had to deal

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with.

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However, there would be times where I just I couldn't get into the guidance counselor's

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office or they had something going on.

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And so they locked the doors and they were gone and I was dreading like, I don't want

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to sit in the lunch room like this, the worst place for me.

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And there was this one teacher and this was middle school that I'm talking about and his

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name is Mr. Cottrell and he was the I forgot what his class was, but he was doing robotics

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and that was like his extracurricular thing.

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So they had the after school program for robotics.

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We could like learn, I don't know, whatever that is.

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And he would always have like the robotics kids could come to his class during lunch

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and they can do more robotic stuff instead of waiting till after school.

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Now obviously, Mr. Cottrell, the guy that does robotics, bit of a nerd himself, right?

280
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So he I think one day how it happened was he just kind of noticed I was walking around

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the halls with my lunch because I was locked out of the guidance counselor's office.

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It was closed and I was trying to avoid getting caught in the halls because they'd send me

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back to the lunch room.

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And so I was just kind of walking around with this tray, but trying to like hide in the

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stairwells and stuff.

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And he's like, what are you doing?

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I was like, well, I was going to go to the guidance counselor office, but it's closed.

288
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And I was like, I really don't want to be in the lunch room.

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Like I don't, I don't like being in there.

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And he goes, well, you could join, you could join us.

291
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You can hang out with us in the robotics room if you want.

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I was like, yeah, it's like, yeah, come on in.

293
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It's like robotics open everyone.

294
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I was like, I don't, I don't know anything about robotics.

295
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I'm not in your robotics club.

296
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He's like, that doesn't matter.

297
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Come on in.

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And so I wound up finding another place.

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Like if I couldn't go to the guidance counselor, I would go to Mr. Cotrell's room and I would

300
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hang out.

301
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And even though I knew nothing about robotics, I just sit there and watch and eat my lunch.

302
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And you know, that's, that's something that shouldn't be overlooked because even when

303
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I would have problems in school, like I told the dean that this kid threw me down the stairs

304
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and then I got blamed for it.

305
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And the principal then, you know, labeled me as the problem and the nurses don't listen

306
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to me when I say I'm not feeling good because I'm always not feeling good.

307
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But I don't know at 13 years old, that's because I'm having anxiety attacks every day and my

308
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body's making me sick because I'm so fricking nervous.

309
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And so it's interesting because out of all of these people, it was always like that one

310
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guy that would just, hey man, I come hang out here.

311
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You know, and I think we need more teachers or people like that that are around, especially

312
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in the school system.

313
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See, I'm so glad you told that story.

314
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Firstly, because I'm sure there's a lot of people that can relate either adults or maybe

315
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,560
they're seeing it in their own children at the moment.

316
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Why do they always seem like they don't want to go to school?

317
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Why they always seem like they're sick?

318
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,640
Well, maybe it's an emotional issue.

319
00:19:54,640 --> 00:20:00,020
But also, again, the finger pointing, the blaming, the, ah, these, these broken homes,

320
00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:01,480
there is a solution.

321
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And I see it over and over and over again with all these, you know, people that have

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come on the show, there's always a mentor and Mr. Cottrell or, you know, the guidance

323
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:15,400
counselor, whoever it is, there are people that stepped up that allowed a child at that

324
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point to, to come make a turn.

325
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And there's numbers of people I know that have been in the military or fire that easily

326
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through their story could have ended up in gangs, singing dope in prison or dead.

327
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That's exactly where their rope is taken.

328
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And some of their friends that they used to run with, that's where they are now behind

329
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bars are in the ground.

330
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So what we can all do firstly is, you know, try and, and, and be there for your family.

331
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:42,360
But again, I understand the dynamic and some people just can't, you know, they're a too

332
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:46,320
far gone addiction or maybe they're in prison at the moment or whatever it is, or, you know,

333
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:51,120
the person they have the child with is such a complete, you know, psychopath that they've,

334
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:53,920
you know, blocked them legally, whatever it is.

335
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:59,000
But we have the ability to do, to be a, a mentor in our own community as well.

336
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:03,440
And it can be, you know, talking to the kids outside the fire station or, you know, being

337
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:08,800
that person who opens their door in a school or, you know, coaching a little league, whatever

338
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:15,240
it is that again, takes the finger pointing away from you and it turns it towards you.

339
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And if every single person actually just tried and help one person, just mentor one person,

340
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whatever that looks like, there would be a massive, massive shift, but the, the, that's

341
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:30,360
only going to happen when you stop blaming everyone else and actually start taking ownership

342
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:34,560
and becoming part of the solution yourself.

343
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There is an interesting dynamic in today's society where I believe too many people are

344
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victims and not enough people are willing to take ownership accountability or responsibility.

345
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:48,840
And I find that time and time again, I see it in my clients, but it's a different level

346
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:53,200
with my clients because my typical client is an entrepreneur or high performing individual

347
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,040
executive, things like that.

348
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So when they're not willing to take ownership, it's really a fraction of their life that

349
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they might not be willing to take ownership because to get to those levels, you have to

350
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,680
be able to own some part of it.

351
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:04,680
Right.

352
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:09,800
But then you have other people that are just, well, it's, it's their fault that I feel this

353
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way or it's, you know, the school system or it's, you know, society as a whole, or it's

354
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the politics or it's the war, it's this, or it's that, or, and none of that at the end

355
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:25,480
of the day really matters to some degree, because if you want to change your life, you

356
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,360
have to change yourself.

357
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:31,520
There have been so many times we're working with people throughout my history and in mental

358
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:36,360
health, which is now coming up on 14 years, there have been so many times where it comes

359
00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:39,200
down to, I get that that has happened.

360
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:44,200
I get that that sucks, but what are you prepared to do about it?

361
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,200
And a lot of people don't want to answer that question.

362
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:51,760
And they try to just go back to, well, I need them to own what they did.

363
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:52,760
Why?

364
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,680
What, like, what does that do for you?

365
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,120
Will it give me peace?

366
00:22:56,120 --> 00:23:00,920
No, you think it will, but it won't because realistically, the only reason you want that

367
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,960
from them is because you need something within you.

368
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:08,120
And you think if you get something from an external source, you can translate it and

369
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:12,800
bring it inside, but it'll just move the needle very little because now you're going to look

370
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,040
for something else to, oh, well, I'll be ready to change after now.

371
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:20,080
I get this thing from this person or this thing from this or, you know, if I have a

372
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better job or my girl stops doing X, Y and Z or my kid stops acting this way or people

373
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will always come up with reasons outside of themselves as to what needs to change for

374
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them to change.

375
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:38,560
And it's that concept that keeps us stuck in victimhood because you can't change a problem

376
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that isn't yours.

377
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:44,860
You can't do anything to actually change anything in this world.

378
00:23:44,860 --> 00:23:46,560
You can only focus on you.

379
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:49,600
You have an opportunity to influence.

380
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:55,240
That's your power of internal mastery being pushed outwards is the opportunity to influence,

381
00:23:55,240 --> 00:24:01,360
but you can never directly control change or do anything of the sort to anything external.

382
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:04,760
But if you notice that when you focus more on the internal world and you focus more on

383
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:10,200
what is the deeper thing that you can improve upon, all of a sudden your life starts shifting

384
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,520
because the world's going to respond to you different because you are different.

385
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,320
Absolutely.

386
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,600
I just shared a video and it was Morgan Freeman being interviewed.

387
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,160
A lot of people seem to know who the guy interviewing was.

388
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:25,960
I didn't, but he, the interviewer made some comment.

389
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,360
Well, not everyone can do that.

390
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:28,360
And that's how the clip starts.

391
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:32,320
So obviously he was saying, you know, everyone has the power to, to lift themselves out of

392
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:33,560
a situation.

393
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,040
And he goes, I forget what Morgan frames us.

394
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,040
That's bullshit.

395
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:41,800
And he goes on to talking about that and he goes, you know, the bus, the bus runs every

396
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,480
day is the phrase you use.

397
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:48,680
And so even if you're in the shittiest place, there is a, there is a bus leaving where you

398
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:49,680
live.

399
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:53,240
Now, of course there's more complications than simply that, but ultimately I think what

400
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:58,080
he was saying is until you make the decision, until you actually change your belief system

401
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:02,000
to I can get out of this, then you're going to stay in that cage.

402
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:06,160
And I agree with you, even in the kind of first responder of mental, uh, military mental

403
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:14,560
health space, there's almost an element of, of, of victim hood in the sense that the conversation

404
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:15,560
has stopped.

405
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,480
And I'm just talking to an SAS soldier about this.

406
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,940
It's kind of ground to a halt at stigma.

407
00:25:20,940 --> 00:25:24,840
And so, you know, basically if you stop at stigma, then all you've got is like, Oh, mental

408
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,840
health is so sad.

409
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:31,600
What needs to happen in my opinion is there's that post-traumatic growth story.

410
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,080
Now that is a story of hope.

411
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:38,720
That is a story that when you overcome whatever it is that is troubling you and it's a real

412
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:44,120
thing, it's the pee under the mattress, then there's a better version of yourself.

413
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,200
I think address trauma becomes a superpower.

414
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:47,240
I really do.

415
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:52,200
So that's what I'm not seeing in so many conversations in, in, you know, the last two presidents,

416
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:56,160
where has there been any conversation about hope and you know, you can be anything you

417
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:57,160
want to be.

418
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:00,540
And you know, we're going to come together, any source of community and encouragement

419
00:26:00,540 --> 00:26:03,920
and empowerment, we don't hear that from the president.

420
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:08,440
We don't hear it a lot of times from the people in sports or music or all the quote unquote

421
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:09,720
role models.

422
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,420
It's divisive, it's narcissistic.

423
00:26:12,420 --> 00:26:16,880
And so I think this is what we need to infuse to inspire that little boy or girl that grew

424
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:23,680
up in that trailer in Florida or gang-ridden apartment complex in Queens or wherever it

425
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:27,680
was that you, you can change this.

426
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:31,680
You can get out, but the first thing you need to do is understand that is the cycle and

427
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:36,320
you have the power not only to break it, but grow from it and be a beacon of light for

428
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,320
others.

429
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:42,140
You know, that's probably one of the biggest things that I've noticed as a massive change

430
00:26:42,140 --> 00:26:44,440
in society.

431
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:51,240
We used to be a society that valued doing the right thing.

432
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:55,280
We used to have great messages put into everything.

433
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:59,280
If you remember Mr. Rogers, I don't know if you ever grew up on him or you saw him, but

434
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:05,480
for the listeners who might not have experienced him, Mr. Rogers one time, his television show

435
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:06,480
was going to get canceled.

436
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:13,320
He was a children's show host and he had a very wholesome children's show and he was

437
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:14,480
going to get canceled.

438
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:18,680
He had to appear before a hearing and it wasn't like anything bad he did.

439
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,400
It was just, he was trying to save his show.

440
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,440
He wanted the, I think it was the state or whoever was going to cut his funding at the

441
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:28,680
time and he appeared before the hearing and the way he showed up and talked about why

442
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:34,640
his show was so important was because he cared so deeply about being able to support and

443
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,640
teach children the right ways to grow up.

444
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:42,880
He believed that through his program, his show, he was imparting general good and knowledge

445
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:43,880
and wisdom.

446
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:47,960
Then we had shows like Bob Ross, who was this guy with this giant Afro and he would always

447
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:52,400
talk about painting a happy little tree and not telling anyone about it and just being

448
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,560
a really kind soul.

449
00:27:55,560 --> 00:28:01,040
We had so many of these people, at least for me as a kid that inspired me to be a good

450
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:02,040
person.

451
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,900
Now, when you look at the kids shows, they're stupid.

452
00:28:05,900 --> 00:28:07,480
It's about being dumb.

453
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:08,680
There's no good messages.

454
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,120
There's no hopeful messages.

455
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:14,920
There's nothing about inspiring to aspire to be something amazing and then be a good

456
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:15,920
part of society.

457
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,600
Now, it's like stupid shows where you could rip somebody's head off and then it pops back

458
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,200
out of their neck and they're like, oh, that was crazy.

459
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:27,240
And these are the things that kids are watching now.

460
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,100
In my opinion, it's not just the presidents.

461
00:28:30,100 --> 00:28:32,400
It's not just a few of the leaders.

462
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:38,800
It's actually society shifting as a whole where it's moving away from messages, wholesomeness,

463
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:44,800
values, and just towards stupidity, opinions, and realistically, what's going to get the

464
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,760
most views on news, social media?

465
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,880
Because Mr. Rogers today, I don't think he'd do good.

466
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,040
I think he was phenomenal, but he wouldn't do good because why?

467
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,080
There's not enough interesting quote unquote stuff on there.

468
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,460
He's not stupid.

469
00:28:59,460 --> 00:29:00,680
He's not funny.

470
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,240
He's not sarcastic.

471
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:03,240
He's kind.

472
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:04,240
He's gentle.

473
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:05,240
He's loving.

474
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:06,760
He's teaching.

475
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:13,600
And the world has moved away from that because now our brains are so messed up because we're

476
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:18,280
programming ourselves to want the dopamine from all this crap we're seeing on social

477
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,880
media and news and everything else.

478
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:25,200
Additionally, if you understand about how the brain works, you know that the brain is

479
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,360
programmed to look for things that are wrong.

480
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:32,160
That's why being positive is usually harder because of the fact that the brain is programmed

481
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,320
to look for things that could cause harm, danger, et cetera.

482
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:39,600
So negative news always gets more views than positive ones.

483
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:43,600
That's why a lot more of the headlines and the shows and the socials are bombarding us

484
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:48,960
with negativity because we're hooked on it and we perpetuate it because we don't turn

485
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:49,960
it off.

486
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,560
Me, I don't even have social media on my phone anymore.

487
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,480
I deleted all my apps.

488
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,640
Like somebody told me the other day, they're like, hey, dude, like you should check out

489
00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:58,640
my story on Instagram.

490
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:03,040
Like I don't have I have it on my phone and I'm not in front of a computer right now.

491
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,080
So like can't do it.

492
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,560
But we don't have like that's very uncommon, right?

493
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:09,760
Most people are on their phone.

494
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,720
And if you check their screen time, it's probably like eight hours a day minimum.

495
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:21,440
So I think a big part is also getting people to play a part in showing what we want.

496
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,800
And we don't realize we have the numbers.

497
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:28,360
There might be 50 executive heads, but there's eight billion people.

498
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:33,620
Why are we consuming what 50 people say we should when we have the number?

499
00:30:33,620 --> 00:30:38,760
And so I don't think people and this comes back to that story of victimhood, right?

500
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,760
I don't think people realize just how much power they have.

501
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:45,680
We have so much power, so much potential because that's what the human spirit is.

502
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:51,560
And we just give it away all day, every day from things that we believe are disempowering

503
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:52,560
us.

504
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:56,560
But the only thing that disempowers us is this is your mind.

505
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:57,560
I couldn't agree more.

506
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,840
And I think you can look at it in so many ways.

507
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,200
For example, let's go back to the president.

508
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,880
Just for a moment, we look at it like that's the pinnacle of a pyramid.

509
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:10,900
And we forget that we're the base with this massive, massive group of people at the bottom

510
00:31:10,900 --> 00:31:12,400
and then flip it upside down.

511
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,260
That's how it actually is.

512
00:31:14,260 --> 00:31:17,020
Billions of people on top, the few at the bottom.

513
00:31:17,020 --> 00:31:18,640
And remember, you work for us.

514
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:24,720
But when you divide and you distract and you create anxiety amongst vast populations of

515
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:29,680
people, it's almost like you make them forget the power they actually have, the power to

516
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:33,280
follow their own dreams and the power to challenge things that are just simply wrong.

517
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,760
I just did a post speaking on social media.

518
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,640
I try and put positive things out there.

519
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:43,240
And it's amazing that when the ball rolls, a lot of the positive stuff does actually

520
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:44,240
get traction.

521
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,920
Not that we're doing it for views and likes or anything, but you see that there is a hunger

522
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:48,920
for that.

523
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,280
You just got to get people looking away from the clickbait.

524
00:31:52,280 --> 00:32:01,040
But when it comes to the collective understanding, for example, the prohibition of drugs, the

525
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:05,480
addiction crisis, I mean, this has been going on for almost 100 years now.

526
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:11,480
The most epic failure with a hundred year longitudinal study that trying to arrest your

527
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:14,320
way out of addiction doesn't work.

528
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:19,320
Add guilt and shame to people who are struggling with guilt and shame does not work.

529
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:25,600
We've empowered gangs and we've created homelessness and sex workers and all these other things.

530
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:29,960
But imagine if everyone had an awakening and goes, this isn't working.

531
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,320
We need this to stop right now.

532
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:33,600
Let's decriminalize drugs.

533
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:36,520
Let's stop putting addicts in prisons and put them in medical facilities.

534
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:42,240
I mean, you'd revolutionize so many things and broken homes would start reconnecting

535
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:46,680
again because these young men in particular wouldn't be dragged down the path of the criminal

536
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,320
world.

537
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:56,320
But when you're so focused on the Super Bowl and Trump and Biden or whatever is kind of

538
00:32:56,320 --> 00:33:01,160
on your screen, your brain doesn't have the capacity to critically think with a calm mind.

539
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,760
I think this is the problem is that we all have to turn our damn devices off and I get

540
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:05,760
it.

541
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,760
They're addictive and I use it as a tool to promote the podcast.

542
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:12,600
So I'm not going to be a hypocrite, but you know, if it sucks you in and you can't even

543
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:17,160
think critically anymore and COVID was a perfect example, whatever people's beliefs, there

544
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:21,680
was a parting of the Red Sea and the middle where the seashells were was actually the

545
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:22,680
common sense.

546
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:27,360
But everyone went left and right because they were so anxious, you know, and so they lost

547
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:28,440
the capacity to think.

548
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,360
So I agree with you a hundred percent.

549
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:33,560
I mean, we've got it so skewed.

550
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:39,920
You know, it's interesting too, because we forget we are the gatekeepers of our mind.

551
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,120
Nobody can make you see anything you don't want to see.

552
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:44,120
You have to be conscious.

553
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:47,560
I recommend a book for every new client that I have.

554
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:52,120
I do an onboarding assignment and at the bottom of the onboarding assignment is to read the

555
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:56,000
book as a man thinketh by James Allen.

556
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,800
And it's a little bit of an older book.

557
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:02,520
You know, I mean, as a man thinketh, right, it kind of says it in the title and you're

558
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:08,040
going to get some old school lettering and wording or they'll be like the the mail, like

559
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:09,040
you'll get it.

560
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,840
You'll get that in the conversation.

561
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,040
But I say that that's the foundation.

562
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:17,620
Like if you're a new client of mine, you have to read that book because that is the foundation

563
00:34:17,620 --> 00:34:19,040
of mindset.

564
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:23,240
Everything he talks about in that book about planting the seeds for the crops that you

565
00:34:23,240 --> 00:34:25,240
want to grow.

566
00:34:25,240 --> 00:34:30,240
In today's world, we allow too many people to plant the seeds in our garden.

567
00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:32,060
Then we get plants we don't want.

568
00:34:32,060 --> 00:34:34,780
And in addition to that, we're not tending to our garden.

569
00:34:34,780 --> 00:34:36,520
And so it's full of weeds.

570
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,320
It's full of the wrong plants.

571
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,800
And we're wondering why is it that we have no food?

572
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:45,260
Our garden looks like crap and we are struggling to sustain ourselves.

573
00:34:45,260 --> 00:34:50,160
And this is all where it comes back to like mindset isn't everything, but it does impact

574
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:51,240
everything.

575
00:34:51,240 --> 00:34:55,240
And so you have to understand how you are showing up.

576
00:34:55,240 --> 00:34:59,800
A lot of what I talk about is about putting the power back into people's hands.

577
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:03,760
When when I'm trying to help somebody or I'm trying to teach somebody something, it's all

578
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:07,660
foundational and rooted in your personal development.

579
00:35:07,660 --> 00:35:09,940
And we always we always hear about personal development, right?

580
00:35:09,940 --> 00:35:11,040
There's a guru for this.

581
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,540
There's a self-help book for that, a story for this.

582
00:35:13,540 --> 00:35:18,520
You know, there's a course, a training, a workshop, a webinar, a seminar, a workbook,

583
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,480
an e-book, a regular book.

584
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:22,640
Where do we go?

585
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:26,640
Where does the noise actually stop?

586
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,420
When do you figure it out?

587
00:35:29,420 --> 00:35:33,880
You don't ever really figure it out because there's always ways that you can grow.

588
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:40,200
However, I am a fan of telling people dedicate yourself to something like I've had clients,

589
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:44,000
for instance, that have come in, been with me for a few months and I know that they didn't

590
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,700
really put in the work.

591
00:35:45,700 --> 00:35:47,560
And then they're like, hey, man, I'm great.

592
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:48,560
I'm good.

593
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,320
And then I see they have another coach and then they probably stick with that coach for

594
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,680
two months and then they go get another coach and then so on and so forth.

595
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:58,420
And it's this there's two types of people in personal development is what I've learned.

596
00:35:58,420 --> 00:36:00,920
You have the personal development junkie.

597
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:06,640
There's the person that's basically shooting positive heroin into their into their veins

598
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:10,840
where they get a new coach and a new course and a new seminar and they just joined a new

599
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:14,360
program and they never actually utilize any of it.

600
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:15,360
They just go.

601
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:16,360
They said they did it.

602
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:17,360
They get excited.

603
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,440
They get excited to talk to people about how much they're investing in themselves and what

604
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:22,360
they're learning, what they're what they're doing.

605
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,520
But their their life never really moves forward.

606
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,320
That's the personal development junkie.

607
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:31,280
And then you get somebody that's really in personal development.

608
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,880
And they're the person that maybe gets with a coach and sticks with them for like a year

609
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:36,000
or two.

610
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:39,160
And they're the person that gets a program and like does the program.

611
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:43,000
And even after the program is over, continues to implement the things until they perfected

612
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:44,000
it.

613
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:48,400
And they're the person that reads one book because that book can actually sustain their

614
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,040
self growth for the next two years as long as they actually apply the things they've

615
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,240
learned.

616
00:36:53,240 --> 00:36:58,000
And so you really have I mean, and that's kind of every part of life, but it's so freaking

617
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:02,760
clear in the personal development world because I've been here for so long that I just see

618
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:06,160
that there are so many people that don't actually utilize what they learn here.

619
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:10,920
And they're just here to tell people how amazing it is that they're investing in themselves.

620
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:16,880
And I think if you become the other person, where you actually just stick to something,

621
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,080
like here's a quick little story.

622
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:23,080
I had a client told me he wanted to read 52 books in the next year.

623
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:26,360
Like we were assessing what's your goals for the year because it was about that time.

624
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,840
And he goes, I want to read 52 books.

625
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:33,160
I'm like, so how big is your ego that you feel you need to read 52 books?

626
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:34,560
And he's like, what?

627
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:38,760
He's like, there's successful people out there that read 52 books all the time.

628
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,840
I'm like, I don't think so.

629
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:46,400
And I said very plainly, there's no way you're going to read a book a week unless they're

630
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,200
like 10 pages.

631
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:52,040
There's no way you're reading a book a week and you're going to take all the information

632
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,760
that you gained from that and you're going to organize it and you're going to utilize

633
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,420
it and you're going to practice it and you're going to try it and you're going to tweak

634
00:37:58,420 --> 00:38:00,640
and you're going to add onto it and you're going to learn from it and you're going to

635
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:05,000
create actionable steps to get something out of the information you read in that book.

636
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:11,080
I was like, your goal to read 52 books in one year is literally the biggest ego project

637
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,280
you have created in your recent life.

638
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:18,760
I was like, I will challenge you to read two to three books this year and see if you can

639
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:22,820
even apply all the steps from just those and I guarantee you won't be able to.

640
00:38:22,820 --> 00:38:28,760
So put your ego down, set a goal that will actually help you get one or two really good

641
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,600
books and apply everything.

642
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,200
And people don't always think like that.

643
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,360
We get stuck in our egos.

644
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:39,440
I like that term, the kind of self-help junkie because I've seen that a lot and people have

645
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:40,440
made the similar comment.

646
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:44,760
You know, they go to all the seminars and you know, and then dive in and do the, you

647
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,320
know, 4 a.m. ice baths and all that stuff, but then fall off.

648
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,600
And I think again, you're not, you know, if that works for you for a couple of weeks,

649
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:53,600
then great.

650
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:57,000
But understanding, you know, I mean, the way I look at it is this.

651
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:03,000
If you reverse engineer past a hundred years ago, there was, there were no self-help books.

652
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,160
There were no ice baths or anything else.

653
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,400
And we were still thriving as a species pretty much.

654
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,000
We were eating real food.

655
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,080
We were moving a lot.

656
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:12,760
We were out in daylight most of the time.

657
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,600
We had a lot of time in nature.

658
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:18,520
You know, we were eating around a dinner table, not distracted by devices, you know.

659
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,240
So there's, there's these fundamental things.

660
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:28,240
And so the way I look at it in my very kind of layman terms is, is this truly a holistic

661
00:39:28,240 --> 00:39:32,680
thing that humans would have done for a long time or is mirroring something that we would

662
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,560
have done for a long time or is this biohacking?

663
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:39,640
Because biohacking is just that kind of easy button that you think is going to be sustainable,

664
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:40,640
but it's not.

665
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:44,120
You know, most people don't stay on a ketone diet, for example.

666
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:48,000
It has applications, but most people you hear like I did it for a bit.

667
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:52,320
I did it with plant-based, very, very beneficial for my blood work, very beneficial for my

668
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:53,320
gut health.

669
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,720
But there was a certain point where my body was like, I need meat and I went back to meat

670
00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:57,720
again.

671
00:39:57,720 --> 00:40:02,320
So I think there is absolutely, you know, the ability and like you said, the addictive

672
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:07,520
part of, you know, a lot of us, whether it's social media or, you know, food or whatever

673
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:11,840
it is can be a gym and it can also be the help to self-help stuff.

674
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:17,200
And I see a lot of people with Instagram pictures of stacks of books and God, every bloody ice

675
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:20,360
bar that ever existed is on Instagram somewhere as well.

676
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:25,960
You know, is it, is it actually for you and is it truly, you know, something that's going

677
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:30,800
to be sustainable or is this something that you just want people to see you doing?

678
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:32,440
Those are two very different things.

679
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:33,440
Yeah.

680
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:36,640
You know, and some of it is for show for some people because they need that.

681
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,240
They need that external validation to feel good about themselves.

682
00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:43,140
But you know, some, some people are doing it and they're documenting it with the hopes

683
00:40:43,140 --> 00:40:44,140
to inspire others.

684
00:40:44,140 --> 00:40:45,880
There are some people, right?

685
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:49,160
Like they'll put out that stack of books as a photo, but then you don't see anything on

686
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:52,760
their Instagram for the next, I don't know, four months.

687
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:56,480
And then they'll come back with a new message and be like, all right, guys, I've been quiet.

688
00:40:56,480 --> 00:41:00,960
I fell off a little bit, you know, but your boys back now I'm about to hit it hard.

689
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:02,520
They're not going to call this a comeback.

690
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:07,360
And then they go quiet for another four months.

691
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,480
And it's like, there are people out there like that.

692
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:13,760
And then there are people out there that are doing it like, like you and I, for instance,

693
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:15,480
I hate social media.

694
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:16,840
I don't care about it.

695
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:17,920
I don't like it.

696
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:22,200
I haven't been on social media and probably I recently deleted the apps.

697
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,280
I want to say it's been four or five days now.

698
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:25,640
I don't even care, man.

699
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:29,600
I like literally I have zero desire to figure out what's going on.

700
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:30,920
I'm so happy.

701
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:32,840
I'm so much more present.

702
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:36,240
And I know that that's the biggest benefit because of social media being gone.

703
00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:37,600
I hate it.

704
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,920
But we also look at it as an opportunity.

705
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,400
It's a tool like you're going to be out there consuming somebody's crap, at least consume

706
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:47,000
mine because it'll help you.

707
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:48,560
And so, right.

708
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:52,880
I think there are those ways of like how we could show up to try to help people.

709
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:54,600
And we do it in a very genuine fashion.

710
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:58,340
Like I hate social media so much that I don't do it for me.

711
00:41:58,340 --> 00:42:01,120
If I'm posting, it's literally for you because I'm fine.

712
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,720
Even though I'm not on social media, I'm still getting clients.

713
00:42:03,720 --> 00:42:04,960
I'm still working.

714
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:05,960
I'm running.

715
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,560
I have four businesses I run.

716
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:09,840
Like I don't need social media.

717
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,040
I do it literally not for me.

718
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,600
So every time I get people trying to sell me like, hey, we can enhance your social media

719
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:17,040
and we can do this and we can do that.

720
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:20,960
And like I'm sure it'll probably get me more clients or whatever the case is.

721
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,880
But I don't really look at social media as that because I don't care about it.

722
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:28,120
I look at it as like the content is for you.

723
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:32,240
So at the end of the day, I think it's really about asking ourselves like how do we show

724
00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:33,240
up?

725
00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:34,240
How do we want to show up?

726
00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:35,240
Who are we trying to help?

727
00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:36,240
And why do we want to do it?

728
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,760
And that kind of is a big guideline for me and obviously a guideline for you.

729
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,720
And hopefully even some of the listeners out there, like when you're on social media, you

730
00:42:43,720 --> 00:42:45,720
have to ask yourself like, why are you there?

731
00:42:45,720 --> 00:42:46,880
Like what are you doing on it?

732
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:47,880
Are you doing it for you?

733
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:48,880
Are you doing it for others?

734
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,120
Are you doing it to quote unquote stay informed?

735
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:55,360
I love when people are telling me that, oh, I'm on social media so much because I'm staying

736
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:56,360
informed.

737
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:57,360
Great.

738
00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:58,360
What are you doing with all the information?

739
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:05,000
Like, it's my number one question, you know, and so it's just choose to show up intentionally.

740
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:08,600
I think that's what we have moved so far away from.

741
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:12,560
And that's something I really try to teach now is like, just please be intentional with

742
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:13,560
your life.

743
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:15,760
I guarantee it'll be so much better.

744
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:16,760
Yeah.

745
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:17,760
No, I couldn't agree more.

746
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,760
And I mean, there's times obviously where I'm going to post a family thing.

747
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:22,200
Like I turn 50 tomorrow.

748
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:25,680
I'll do a post turning 50 because it's cool.

749
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:26,680
Thank you.

750
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:30,000
But most of the time it is, okay, here's an interesting, here's an inspiring video or

751
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,440
here's something that made me cry.

752
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,320
So I'm going to make you fuckers cry now.

753
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:37,720
You know, but it is, it's to get a reaction, to get people thinking.

754
00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:41,600
And a lot of times it will take time to write on the comments, but it's like an episode

755
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:42,600
of the podcast.

756
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:47,360
It's an opportunity to get people thinking about whatever the thing is, but it's not,

757
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:52,120
you know, a selfie or yet another video of me in CrossFit or, you know, whatever, you

758
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:55,440
know, a lot of people that, that, that do put that out there.

759
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:59,600
But you know, I just had this, this soldier on the show that was talking about the SAS

760
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:04,960
guy and he was saying that social media or just, just content in general, you know, the

761
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:08,400
way that you consume information is like food.

762
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:13,560
You know, if you want to have a long, healthy life and perform at a high level, then you're

763
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:16,380
diligent about the kind of food that you put in your body.

764
00:44:16,380 --> 00:44:22,040
If you get your news from CNN or Fox and you're on Instagram and Tik TOK the whole time, that's

765
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,440
the McDonald's of, of information.

766
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:29,480
And so, you know, you reap what you sow and he was absolutely right.

767
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:30,480
It's true.

768
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:35,880
But we could talk a little bit about kind of piggybacking off of what he said to one

769
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:40,080
of the biggest things that I'm passionate about in personal development is your identity.

770
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,400
Nowadays, there's a great conversation.

771
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:45,120
And when I say great, I'm really being facetious.

772
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:49,640
There's a great conversation about identity and everybody's so focused on sexuality being

773
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,160
like the biggest part of your identity.

774
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:53,560
But nobody talks about that.

775
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:58,000
Everything is part of your identity because the interesting thing is that we create our

776
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:04,760
identities from the information that we are taking in and processing in our worlds.

777
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:09,280
Now a lot of the times where we're getting stuck is we're not determining what our identities

778
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:10,280
are.

779
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:14,480
So I talk about how do you go from passively experiencing life to consciously creating

780
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:19,960
it and foundationally, it all starts within it all starts at the identity because there's

781
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:23,720
actually an interesting chain that I've discovered with people.

782
00:45:23,720 --> 00:45:27,920
So the first thing is that we all have this desire to be consistent to who we believe

783
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:28,920
ourselves to be.

784
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,320
That's your identity.

785
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:36,160
The identity starts building out your your behaviors.

786
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:37,160
What are behaviors?

787
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:43,160
Behaviors are your attitude there, how you're viewing life there, what it is that you think

788
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:48,040
about or should I say what it is that you believe on your experiences or whatever, like

789
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:51,740
you're waking up, you have a crappy day or you believe it's going to be a crappy day.

790
00:45:51,740 --> 00:45:52,740
That's your behavior.

791
00:45:52,740 --> 00:45:53,740
That's your attitude.

792
00:45:53,740 --> 00:45:54,740
It has nothing to do with anybody else.

793
00:45:54,740 --> 00:46:00,600
Do you so we have identity goes to your behaviors, your behaviors start forming these actions

794
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:04,760
that you're going to take because the behaviors are now going to dictate how you're going

795
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:07,480
to show up what you're going to do.

796
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:11,040
Actions are just extensions of the behaviors that you already have.

797
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:14,900
Those actions, if you do them long enough, it's like a math equation that going to compound

798
00:46:14,900 --> 00:46:16,240
over time.

799
00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:19,640
The compounding actions start forming your habits.

800
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:21,320
Your habits are I mean, that's obvious.

801
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:22,880
Now you're just running on autopilot.

802
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:24,160
You're not thinking about your actions.

803
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:28,160
You're not thinking about your behavior all along unaware that this all comes from your

804
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:33,840
identity and now you have these habitual behaviors, aka actions, aka activities you're doing every

805
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:37,120
single day, which continues to reinforce that life or lifestyle.

806
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:41,220
Then you get to the last part of the chain, which is just your outcomes and results.

807
00:46:41,220 --> 00:46:46,320
Your outcomes and your results in life are literally just stemming from your habits.

808
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:49,820
The habits are from the actions, the actions are from the behaviors and it all goes back

809
00:46:49,820 --> 00:46:51,920
to your identity.

810
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:57,120
If we are passively experiencing life and we are not consciously creating our identities,

811
00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:00,040
you're going to have an outcome or a result you're not a fan of.

812
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,000
But then the question is how do we start shifting the identity?

813
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:09,240
You can't unless you know who you want to become and you start taking action based on

814
00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:13,000
who you believe you can be instead of who you currently are.

815
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:17,740
That's where people get caught up because they don't put in the work to actually roadmap

816
00:47:17,740 --> 00:47:19,880
what that's supposed to look like.

817
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:25,120
So you say, Vin, I want to be a great 50 year old.

818
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:26,120
Too late.

819
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:27,120
Cool James.

820
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:28,120
Cool James.

821
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:34,560
Then the question is, what is the most empowered version of a 50 year old James look like?

822
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:35,680
What would he say?

823
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:36,680
What would he think?

824
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:37,680
What would he do?

825
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:38,680
How would he act?

826
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:40,000
How would he inspire others to feel?

827
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,200
How would he show up daily?

828
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:42,400
What's his habits going to be like?

829
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:44,840
His routines, his lifestyle, etc.

830
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:49,440
And there's so many things that go into understanding what is an empowered identity look like.

831
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:54,360
And then from there you want to actually challenge yourself to live that out day in and day out

832
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,440
because now you have the clarity.

833
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,320
Now it's about taking the steps and then people get stuck there.

834
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:03,240
They're like, well, what are the only things that I could work on?

835
00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:06,000
And that's where I talk about go inside.

836
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,360
There's only five things in this world you can control.

837
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:13,800
That's your thoughts, your actions, your behaviors, your emotions and your language.

838
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:19,240
And if you gain mastery over those five, as I call them the five aspects of self mastery,

839
00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:23,200
you then pair that with your empowered identity.

840
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:29,560
And now you're actually really creating something and that is forcing you into consciousness

841
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:32,800
because we don't change from conscious conversation.

842
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:36,240
We change from subconscious reprogramming.

843
00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:40,880
And if you can't do the things daily to get yourself reprogrammed, you can never create

844
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:45,320
an identity shift and the identity shift can never lead to a different outcome.

845
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:49,280
And the different outcome will never lead you to that lifestyle you dream of.

846
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:50,720
But it always is consistent.

847
00:48:50,720 --> 00:48:54,200
It just starts with you.

848
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:56,880
What are some of the mistakes that you see people make?

849
00:48:56,880 --> 00:49:00,000
Because just as you said, there's a lot of, you know, whether it's reading, whether it's

850
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:06,800
taking a self help seminar, but then there's the application and there's a lot of resistance

851
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:07,800
to that.

852
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:12,600
And sometimes people just try and change everything all at once as well, which is, you know, unsustainable.

853
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:16,960
So someone's going to identify where they where they are.

854
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:23,080
How do you coach them in starting to change those those daily practices and embed them

855
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:25,920
so they can become an actual discipline?

856
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:28,160
So that's a great question.

857
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,880
I actually really love that.

858
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:34,320
Everybody's at different places pretty much all times in their lives, right?

859
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:35,520
Especially when they come to me.

860
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:37,840
I mean, I'm going to get somebody that's here and then I'm going to get somebody that's

861
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,640
here and then somebody that's here and then somebody that's over there.

862
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:44,240
And so I'm always dealing with people at different stages.

863
00:49:44,240 --> 00:49:51,000
I believe that the teachings that I go through with people are kind of fundamental to life.

864
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:56,920
Now, you actually made a comment before about like, you know, 100 years ago with self development.

865
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:59,640
I believe self development has been around since the dawn of time.

866
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:00,840
We just call it different things.

867
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:05,440
We call it the Bible or we call it stoicism or we call it philosophy.

868
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:11,280
Personally, personal development is ingrained in us because the human spirit always wants

869
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:13,800
to expand its capacity.

870
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,800
That is a deep spiritual truth about the human race.

871
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:18,520
And I'm not talking about religious, right?

872
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:21,960
So if any of your followers are atheist, you should still be able to believe on this part

873
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:25,640
because this is just the deepest part of your of your being.

874
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,200
If we don't want to call it a soul, that's fine, too.

875
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:33,280
But I look at it as that we always have these desires to be more.

876
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:36,600
Sometimes we don't do it, and that's when we start feeling like crap.

877
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:42,040
So my thing is you have to figure out where you currently are in life.

878
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,720
The process I take people through is very simple.

879
00:50:44,720 --> 00:50:49,480
When you first start working with me and for all of you listeners, I encourage you even

880
00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:51,040
just do this for yourself.

881
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:55,400
Maybe make this a home assignment, make it a fun exercise for you.

882
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:59,200
It could potentially create some awareness and shed some light on your life.

883
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:02,400
When a client first starts working with me, I've created an onboarding assignment for

884
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:07,120
my time as a therapist and then becoming a coach and combining the two modalities.

885
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:11,820
The first part of the onboarding assignment is we do an in-depth assessment of your life.

886
00:51:11,820 --> 00:51:16,600
Go back, write down everything that you believe was important to your history.

887
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:18,960
Like where were some pivotal moments in your life?

888
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,440
What were some of the things that shaped you?

889
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:23,260
Can you think about a time where limiting beliefs started?

890
00:51:23,260 --> 00:51:26,960
Can you really get back to just these pieces of who you were and start piecing together

891
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:29,560
your story from then until now?

892
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:34,200
Then we go to the present and then the questions are based on what is your current lifestyle

893
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:35,200
like?

894
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:37,640
Do you believe that somebody's holding you back?

895
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,440
Are you living as a victim?

896
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:43,320
What do you currently believe about your state of being in this moment?

897
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:46,660
Then we create the hopeful future.

898
00:51:46,660 --> 00:51:49,160
What do you want to see from your life?

899
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:54,480
If you were living in your best state, what does that life look like?

900
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,600
How should that life be?

901
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:57,920
What do you see for yourself?

902
00:51:57,920 --> 00:51:59,480
What do you experience in that life?

903
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:01,840
What kind of emotions do you have the most abundance in?

904
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:04,800
What are the experiences you're enjoying?

905
00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:07,200
Really create this amazing vision.

906
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:11,480
When I do that assignment with people, it roadmaps for them.

907
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:15,280
We start with where you've been, where you are, and where you're going.

908
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:18,800
I actually like to tell them it's not really a linear thing.

909
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:25,480
If you think about it, it's almost like you're starting up here because I believe that the

910
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:30,520
past is something that we should spend some time analyzing.

911
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:34,480
It's actually really important, so I believe it should be at an elevated spot when you're

912
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:35,480
working on yourself.

913
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:37,640
You don't spend a lot of time there.

914
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:39,000
Just get what you need.

915
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:42,160
Then we drop down to reality.

916
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,960
Then it's like, all right, we're in the thick of it.

917
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,960
Now you climb out of that because you're creating your hopeful future.

918
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:50,760
I like to say that almost this is shaped like a you.

919
00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:54,040
You go back up into the clouds and your dreams of your past.

920
00:52:54,040 --> 00:53:00,240
You come down to reality, maybe a little hard, and then you go up with your hopeful future.

921
00:53:00,240 --> 00:53:01,240
Beautiful.

922
00:53:01,240 --> 00:53:06,360
Well, you've been talking a lot about psychology.

923
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:11,200
Let's start your path into the mental health side, and then we'll lead into how and why

924
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:13,280
you joined the Fire Service.

925
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:14,280
Sure.

926
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:16,500
Well, mental health has always been a desire for me.

927
00:53:16,500 --> 00:53:18,860
My dad was a therapist.

928
00:53:18,860 --> 00:53:24,680
Ever since I was probably fifth grade, about 10 years old or so, I always said I want to

929
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:28,600
be a firefighter and I want to be a psychotherapist, or a therapist more appropriately because

930
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:31,080
I don't know, 10 year olds like to say psychotherapist.

931
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:32,080
Maybe I did.

932
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:33,080
I don't know.

933
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:34,560
But people would always lump the two together.

934
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:36,120
They'd be like, wow, that's so honorable.

935
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:38,120
You want to be a therapist for firefighters?

936
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:39,520
I'm like, no.

937
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:45,960
I want to be a therapist like my dad and a firefighter because they're heroes.

938
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:50,360
I basically always was wanting to do the two.

939
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:55,200
I also, as I mentioned before, I struggled a lot when I was younger.

940
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,720
I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and panic disorder.

941
00:53:58,720 --> 00:54:00,720
I had a lot of suicidal ideation.

942
00:54:00,720 --> 00:54:04,960
I had self-harm tendencies, and I never fit in anywhere.

943
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:06,800
My whole life was always just getting bullied.

944
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:08,280
I was thrown in trash cans.

945
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:09,480
I was thrown down the steps.

946
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:11,320
I was pushed into lockers.

947
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,520
I was made fun of.

948
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,280
I had rumors started about me.

949
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,480
People would steal from me.

950
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:24,680
Everything that could happen to somebody was happening to me.

951
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:32,080
I was really in these just terribly down states for, I'd say most of my teen to young adult

952
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:33,080
life.

953
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,680
When I say young adult, I mean in my early 20s.

954
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,880
Things started to subside around 23.

955
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:43,640
A big part of the story that I feel is so important for listeners to understand is I

956
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:47,520
lived in this state of victimhood for pretty much all of my life.

957
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:52,240
There wasn't really a time for me, which is why I was so hung up on the idea of suicide

958
00:54:52,240 --> 00:55:00,580
and self-harm, is because the mindset is you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

959
00:55:00,580 --> 00:55:07,400
It gets really exhausting fumbling around in the dark for such a long time.

960
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:13,720
For me, that was a big reality, even though it wasn't like this crazy stuff of experiencing

961
00:55:13,720 --> 00:55:15,280
gang violence or whatever.

962
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:16,280
I had my own reality.

963
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:21,640
I had my own life that wasn't really adding up the way I wanted it to.

964
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:27,720
In high school, going into college, I thought that I needed to change something.

965
00:55:27,720 --> 00:55:31,800
My name is Vincent, but I wrote on my college transcripts that my name is Vincenzo.

966
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:34,840
I was trying to reinvent myself to something cooler.

967
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:40,560
The Italian guy with the cool Italian name, Vincenzo.

968
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:43,600
It worked and it didn't.

969
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:46,120
I started getting girls.

970
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:47,440
I changed up my image.

971
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:48,440
I grew a beard.

972
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:50,160
I started working out because I was a little bit fat.

973
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:52,400
I was a little depressed, all that.

974
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:57,200
When I changed up my image and I changed up my name, I realized, oh man, this is working.

975
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:58,200
I have friends now.

976
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:00,960
I got a girl or a girl's interested.

977
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:03,600
However, the internal is still the same.

978
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:04,960
I was still that anxious guy.

979
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:06,120
I was still that guy who was awkward.

980
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:09,160
I was still that guy who didn't know how to approach people.

981
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:12,800
Then anxiety got worse and panic got worse and depression got worse and everything continued

982
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:15,560
to get worse until I was having a lot of mental breakdowns.

983
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:21,160
Every few months, I was in the worst place mentally I could have ever been.

984
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:28,520
At about 23 years old was when I decided, I decided that I just couldn't live that way

985
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:30,520
anymore.

986
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:32,840
It didn't go in the opposite direction.

987
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:36,640
When people hear that, that's saying that I decided I couldn't live like this anymore,

988
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:38,360
they think the worst.

989
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:40,760
For me, it actually was the best.

990
00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:43,240
I was so fed up with how my life was.

991
00:56:43,240 --> 00:56:47,680
I was pretty much in the bathroom in my parents' house and I just slammed my hands on the counter

992
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:50,000
and I was like, what is wrong with me?

993
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:56,400
Why is it that at 23 years old, I've graduated, I have my license to practice psychotherapy,

994
00:56:56,400 --> 00:57:00,840
I have my master's, I have a really great car, I have money in the bank, I just landed

995
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:02,760
a great job.

996
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:03,760
Why am I still depressed?

997
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:06,120
Why am I so anxious all the time?

998
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:07,600
Why am I so angry?

999
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:14,280
I have everything society says I should have, so what's up?

1000
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:16,600
You really can't figure it out.

1001
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:22,360
But I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, oh my God, I get it now.

1002
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:25,840
It's like you're Vincent.

1003
00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:29,840
That was the first time in seven years that I said my own name, my actual name, my real

1004
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:31,320
name.

1005
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:35,120
And the reason that was so powerful is because I was finally willing to take my power back.

1006
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:39,760
I was finally willing to accept that that's who I am.

1007
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:43,920
All the crap that happened in my life, the way my life currently is, it's all because

1008
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:47,880
of that person, even though I spent time trying to run from him.

1009
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:51,800
And so in that moment, I had to ask myself a very hard question.

1010
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:53,400
I was like, all right, well, you're Vincent.

1011
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:54,400
Who is that?

1012
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:55,520
Well, Vincent is depressed.

1013
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:56,520
He's anxious.

1014
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:58,600
He's suicidal.

1015
00:57:58,600 --> 00:57:59,600
He's sad.

1016
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:00,600
People pity him.

1017
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:01,600
He gets panic attacks.

1018
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:03,640
He gets a mental breakdown every now and then.

1019
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:05,560
He doesn't feel good about life.

1020
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:06,560
Okay, cool.

1021
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:08,000
Is this who you want to be?

1022
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,000
The answer is no.

1023
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:10,400
Who do you want to be?

1024
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,480
Well, I want to be a leader.

1025
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:14,320
I want to be inspiring.

1026
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:15,840
I want to be someone who's excitable.

1027
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:16,840
I want to be powerful.

1028
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:17,840
I want to help others.

1029
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:18,840
I want to teach.

1030
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:19,840
I want to be happy.

1031
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:20,840
I want to be empathetic.

1032
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:22,720
I want to be enthusiastic.

1033
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:24,800
And all of a sudden, everything's just flowing.

1034
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:25,800
It's all just coming out.

1035
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:26,800
I could see it.

1036
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:28,920
I'm like, oh man, yeah, this is what I want.

1037
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:32,720
And then it just came to that question of like, okay, so how do you become all of that?

1038
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:33,720
What do you have to do?

1039
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:35,120
Who do you have to be?

1040
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:37,460
How do you become those things that you just said?

1041
00:58:37,460 --> 00:58:39,760
Because they all have a way of showing up.

1042
00:58:39,760 --> 00:58:43,520
And that's why I talk so much about building these empowering identities because I did

1043
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:44,520
it.

1044
00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:45,520
That's how I changed my life.

1045
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:49,040
And I went on that journey at 23 years old.

1046
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:53,440
And conversely, that same week, I walked into my therapist office and I said, it's been

1047
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:54,440
real, man.

1048
00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:55,440
I'll see you later.

1049
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:57,320
I'm never coming back.

1050
00:58:57,320 --> 00:59:02,360
Because I was ready to embark on my journey to take my power back.

1051
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:05,680
I didn't need my therapist to validate me anymore because he let's be real.

1052
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:08,080
He wasn't really helping me anyway.

1053
00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:12,720
And I was finally ready to just own everything in my life and say, everything that happens

1054
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:16,360
now is by my hand, good and bad.

1055
00:59:16,360 --> 00:59:17,960
And I'm ready to take this trip.

1056
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:20,040
And so I did it 23.

1057
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:23,680
And then the fire department happened at about 28.

1058
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:26,360
But I'll take a pause in case James wants to weigh in here.

1059
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:29,760
Yeah, let me just throw one thing in there.

1060
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:31,520
And this is related to the fire department.

1061
00:59:31,520 --> 00:59:37,120
So as I progress through all these interviews, I realized and through the education of some,

1062
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:43,760
I guess, like Jake Clark, the importance of the formative years on us struggling when

1063
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:47,400
we get into adulthood and maybe putting uniform on.

1064
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:49,520
And it's not a doom and gloom conversation.

1065
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:54,280
Because again, to me, addressed childhood trauma, childhood struggles, addressed becomes

1066
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:56,080
a strength, becomes a superpower.

1067
00:59:56,080 --> 01:00:00,760
If you push down left unaddressed, it's a fracture in the foundation.

1068
01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:06,440
When you look back now, I mean, you had some pretty strong emotional feelings as a teen,

1069
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:09,200
especially suicide ideation.

1070
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:14,200
Were there elements of your upbringing that you can identify now were the kind of the

1071
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:17,400
root cause of some of these feelings?

1072
01:00:17,400 --> 01:00:21,900
So my mom has always been a bit anxious.

1073
01:00:21,900 --> 01:00:25,600
And I've come to learn that anxiety is learned.

1074
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:34,080
I think that perhaps my mom in her own anxious way contributed to my state of anxiety.

1075
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:38,680
However, I can't blame her because I took it and ran with it.

1076
01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:46,960
And we know that we might take other people's crap on, but it's our choice as to how long

1077
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:51,640
we want to carry that crap and how much we want to say, well, it's not my fault you gave

1078
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:52,640
it to me.

1079
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:54,600
It's like, OK, well, that's cool, because you'll never change your life if you believe

1080
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:55,720
that.

1081
01:00:55,720 --> 01:01:00,800
And so I think my mom had given me some anxiety.

1082
01:01:00,800 --> 01:01:08,420
My brother now, my brother, he I don't talk a lot about my brother growing up because

1083
01:01:08,420 --> 01:01:10,480
my brother wasn't really around growing up.

1084
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:17,680
My brother had been on his own path and.

1085
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:19,760
I didn't really learn much from him.

1086
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:23,320
I just kind of learned more of what not to do in life by watching him, if that makes

1087
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:25,720
sense, and I'll kind of leave it there.

1088
01:01:25,720 --> 01:01:32,360
And my dad, my dad was interesting because though he's a therapist, I think that he at

1089
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:39,120
times he was a great dad, but he at times could also lack some patience.

1090
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:44,720
And so I feel like there were things that I learned from him, which was, you know, if

1091
01:01:44,720 --> 01:01:48,640
it's not happening right away, maybe it's maybe it's not supposed to be or whatever

1092
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:49,640
the case is.

1093
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:50,760
And that set me up.

1094
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:53,960
And even if he didn't teach me that, that's how I kind of interpreted it.

1095
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:58,680
But that might have set me up in a state of, well, if I can't figure out these issues and

1096
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:04,040
I can't resolve them, maybe it's just like I'm going to deal with them forever, which

1097
01:02:04,040 --> 01:02:05,040
I learned.

1098
01:02:05,040 --> 01:02:08,880
Like that's a terrible way to think because every every problem has a solution is there's

1099
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:10,660
no problem in this world that you can't fix.

1100
01:02:10,660 --> 01:02:14,000
You just maybe don't have the answers at the moment, or maybe you don't have the tools

1101
01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:16,040
or the resource or the skill set or the knowledge.

1102
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:17,560
Doesn't matter.

1103
01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:21,160
But that was a big thing that I think I had to figure out, like those few things from

1104
01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:24,120
my parents and my upbringing.

1105
01:02:24,120 --> 01:02:28,200
Is the kind of phrase that came to me a little while ago now.

1106
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:30,620
Their reasons, not excuses.

1107
01:02:30,620 --> 01:02:34,640
If you were sexually abused as a child, that is going to have an impact.

1108
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:38,160
That is a reason for some of the ways that you feel now.

1109
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:42,520
But the moment you turn that reasons into an excuse is when you slip into that victim

1110
01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:43,520
mentality.

1111
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:48,960
When you acknowledge that reason, you acknowledge the impact that had on you, and then you empower

1112
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:52,480
yourself to believe that you can grow from that.

1113
01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:53,800
That's a beautiful thing.

1114
01:02:53,800 --> 01:02:58,320
So I think the difference between a reason and an excuse and not invalidating the trauma

1115
01:02:58,320 --> 01:03:02,600
because it had an impact, whether it was something horrendous like that or whether it was being

1116
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:04,840
the middle child and feeling unloved.

1117
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:06,360
It had an impact.

1118
01:03:06,360 --> 01:03:11,160
But the moment I think that slips into the world of is an excuse for my behavior is an

1119
01:03:11,160 --> 01:03:16,120
excuse for my depression and that's why I'm an asshole to everyone.

1120
01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:19,920
But now you're an asshole because you refuse to address the thing that's going on.

1121
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:25,560
I'm not saying it's easy at all, but you are choosing, like you said, to...

1122
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:27,000
You're not choosing to hold on to it.

1123
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:30,320
You're choosing not to release it, I guess is a better way of saying it.

1124
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:32,000
Yeah, 100%.

1125
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:35,600
Well, similar to yours, I love what you just said.

1126
01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:40,320
Similar to that is one that I hear is like, you're not responsible for what happened to

1127
01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:41,320
you as a child.

1128
01:03:41,320 --> 01:03:45,120
However, you're responsible for what you do with that as an adult.

1129
01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:50,520
And that's the truth because I've gotten people all the time who they'll come in with something

1130
01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:54,680
that happened when they were like 12 years old and now they're 50 and they're still perpetuating

1131
01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:55,680
it.

1132
01:03:55,680 --> 01:04:01,360
And I'm like, you do realize that you've lived for, oh, I don't know, 38 years without growing

1133
01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:02,600
as a person.

1134
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:08,960
You stayed stuck at 12 when you decided that this thing was so deep, so heavy and so impactful

1135
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:13,880
that you refuse to grow in that area of your life from the moment you were 12, that you're

1136
01:04:13,880 --> 01:04:17,840
now 50 years old dealing with this thing that happened to you at 12.

1137
01:04:17,840 --> 01:04:20,760
That means that you have carried it with you.

1138
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:22,500
That's like, well, I didn't do it to myself.

1139
01:04:22,500 --> 01:04:25,280
It's like, I know you didn't, but you're choosing to use it.

1140
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:26,800
You're choosing to hold it.

1141
01:04:26,800 --> 01:04:31,880
You're choosing to keep it somewhat as a crutch because if you think about it, to your point,

1142
01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:35,800
James, what you just said is like, if you don't do that, you then have to deal with

1143
01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:36,800
it.

1144
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:38,680
You then have to work on it.

1145
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:40,240
You then have to go on the journey.

1146
01:04:40,240 --> 01:04:44,440
You then have to come up with the answers to the questions of why you, like, I don't

1147
01:04:44,440 --> 01:04:48,880
know why you, you need to determine that, not me, but then you have to sit with yourself

1148
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:52,600
and you have to make sense of it and you have to process it and you have to overcome it.

1149
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:56,360
You have to switch the mindset and change the experience and empower yourself.

1150
01:04:56,360 --> 01:04:57,640
But that's a lot of freaking work.

1151
01:04:57,640 --> 01:04:58,640
You know, it's easy.

1152
01:04:58,640 --> 01:05:03,160
Just be an asshole for the next 40 years and say, it's not your fault.

1153
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:04,160
It's the easy way.

1154
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:05,160
Absolutely.

1155
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:07,200
Well, that also parallels our conversation earlier.

1156
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:12,520
It's easy to point at broken homes and politicians and say, it's your fault rather than looking

1157
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,360
in the mirror and going, what can I do?

1158
01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:16,720
And do I need to even fix me?

1159
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:20,040
Am I adding to the problems in the world?

1160
01:05:20,040 --> 01:05:24,760
Am I so infuriated by a tweet because actually it's something in me that I haven't let go.

1161
01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:30,440
And that's why I'm saying I hate all person of this color, political persuasion, whatever

1162
01:05:30,440 --> 01:05:31,440
it is.

1163
01:05:31,440 --> 01:05:33,040
So yeah, I mean, that is it.

1164
01:05:33,040 --> 01:05:38,960
It really is the root cause is the easy button is when you blame someone else.

1165
01:05:38,960 --> 01:05:41,320
You expect someone else to fix your problems.

1166
01:05:41,320 --> 01:05:45,560
You know, whereas if we all look in the mirror and start chipping away at the things that

1167
01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:50,520
we can actually touch and address again, imagine, like you said, eight billion people doing

1168
01:05:50,520 --> 01:05:51,520
that.

1169
01:05:51,520 --> 01:05:52,520
I mean, you'd be a paradigm shift.

1170
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:56,640
It'd be a powerful planet, my man.

1171
01:05:56,640 --> 01:05:59,960
We are so much more powerful.

1172
01:05:59,960 --> 01:06:00,960
And I always say this.

1173
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:04,880
And I hope I hope this resonates with at least one of your listeners.

1174
01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:10,540
You're so much more powerful than you know, the human spirit is truly limitless.

1175
01:06:10,540 --> 01:06:13,900
We have all of the like we literally have all the power of the world.

1176
01:06:13,900 --> 01:06:18,080
If you think about it, everything that we've created has been something that the spirit,

1177
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:19,900
the mind has thought up.

1178
01:06:19,900 --> 01:06:21,900
Nothing was here when we got here.

1179
01:06:21,900 --> 01:06:25,320
There was nothing here unless you subscribe to the alien ideation.

1180
01:06:25,320 --> 01:06:28,040
Maybe there was something here, but let's just for all intents and purposes say there

1181
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:30,040
wasn't anything here.

1182
01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:33,360
Everything that's here now is because we dreamed it.

1183
01:06:33,360 --> 01:06:34,360
We created a vision.

1184
01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:35,720
And before it was a vision.

1185
01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:36,720
It was just an idea.

1186
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:38,440
And it was something that somebody probably thought was stupid.

1187
01:06:38,440 --> 01:06:40,360
And now it's being sold like crazy.

1188
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:45,120
Like I think those poodle pool noodles, like you ever seen those long freaking things that

1189
01:06:45,120 --> 01:06:47,600
are just their pool noodle and they're stupid.

1190
01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:50,960
And people probably laughed at this guy for wanting to make these ridiculous styrofoam

1191
01:06:50,960 --> 01:06:55,020
noodles guys, a multimillionaire from freaking styrofoam noodles.

1192
01:06:55,020 --> 01:07:00,880
And so it's just funny because everything you see, everything you utilize in society,

1193
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:06,060
everything that makes society society is because of the fact that we dreamed it, we thought

1194
01:07:06,060 --> 01:07:07,060
of it.

1195
01:07:07,060 --> 01:07:08,060
And now guess what?

1196
01:07:08,060 --> 01:07:09,600
We all rely on each other to use it.

1197
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:11,840
Like James, I don't know how the internet works.

1198
01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:12,840
I mean, I have an idea of it.

1199
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:16,520
I have a vague idea of it, a basic understanding of it, but I don't actually know how the internet

1200
01:07:16,520 --> 01:07:17,520
works.

1201
01:07:17,520 --> 01:07:18,920
I couldn't create it if you asked me to do it right now.

1202
01:07:18,920 --> 01:07:21,440
I have no idea how to create this microphone I'm using.

1203
01:07:21,440 --> 01:07:23,600
I have no idea how to build this computer in front of me.

1204
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:29,200
I have no idea how to, you know, uh, put together a screen, the lighting that I have, the curtains.

1205
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:30,640
I don't know how to make any of this.

1206
01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:33,120
I don't even know how to make the t-shirt I'm wearing.

1207
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:37,020
And yet I gained the benefit of all of it because of the fact that there were humans

1208
01:07:37,020 --> 01:07:41,280
out there that were intuitive, that had visions, that had ideas that were willing to take the

1209
01:07:41,280 --> 01:07:44,120
risk, take the leap and jump and create something.

1210
01:07:44,120 --> 01:07:48,360
And we also continue to innovate on the things that have already been created because somebody

1211
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:50,520
looks at something and says, wow, that's amazing.

1212
01:07:50,520 --> 01:07:51,800
Maybe I can make it even better.

1213
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:57,560
And they do oftentimes the human spirit truly has that unlimited potential and sometimes

1214
01:07:57,560 --> 01:07:59,720
so untapped.

1215
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:06,200
So I want everybody to truly believe you have so much more within you greatness isn't achieved.

1216
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:08,240
It's displayed.

1217
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:11,200
You just got to figure it out and show it to the world.

1218
01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:12,200
Absolutely.

1219
01:08:12,200 --> 01:08:18,240
Well, let's go to your journey into the fire service and then out the back door.

1220
01:08:18,240 --> 01:08:19,240
Yeah.

1221
01:08:19,240 --> 01:08:25,360
So journey into the fire service was I took the fire exam twice in New York.

1222
01:08:25,360 --> 01:08:26,360
It's very different.

1223
01:08:26,360 --> 01:08:31,360
New York, you age out of the fire department at 29 years old.

1224
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:32,360
You are not.

1225
01:08:32,360 --> 01:08:36,080
And that means you're not able to take the test past the age of 29.

1226
01:08:36,080 --> 01:08:40,240
You also are not eligible to take the test until you're 18.

1227
01:08:40,240 --> 01:08:42,860
And the test is given once every four years.

1228
01:08:42,860 --> 01:08:46,800
So let's say you turn 18 and the test was given a month before your birthday.

1229
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:48,800
Can't take it.

1230
01:08:48,800 --> 01:08:52,840
And now you have to wait four years until you're 22 to take it.

1231
01:08:52,840 --> 01:08:57,120
The test being given only once every four years means that pretty much at any given

1232
01:08:57,120 --> 01:09:02,440
time from 18 to 29, you only have two opportunities to take this test.

1233
01:09:02,440 --> 01:09:07,280
And it's so competitive because there's over 8000 applicants every year that the test gets

1234
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:15,840
released that you have to be within the top mind you top 5000 to potentially be called.

1235
01:09:15,840 --> 01:09:19,880
So the opportunity to become a firefighter is very slim.

1236
01:09:19,880 --> 01:09:24,840
Additionally, because there's so many applicants and it goes by social security number, they

1237
01:09:24,840 --> 01:09:26,240
will rank you.

1238
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:29,280
There are let's say you get a 93.

1239
01:09:29,280 --> 01:09:33,440
There's probably 10,000 people that got a 93.

1240
01:09:33,440 --> 01:09:39,800
So you have to be somebody that is going to get and this is this is pretty factual here.

1241
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:46,200
You have to get 100 on the exam or a little bit higher to know for a fact that you're

1242
01:09:46,200 --> 01:09:48,600
going to get called.

1243
01:09:48,600 --> 01:09:51,320
Because if you get 100 or higher, it puts you at the top of the list.

1244
01:09:51,320 --> 01:09:58,160
So the first time I took the test, I got a 93 and my number was like, I think my number

1245
01:09:58,160 --> 01:10:01,000
was like 18,000.

1246
01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:04,600
And I kind of was really frustrated because I always wanted to be a firefighter and I

1247
01:10:04,600 --> 01:10:08,740
hated college while I was in it and I wanted to drop out of college.

1248
01:10:08,740 --> 01:10:12,960
And I was hoping and praying that I got a good score on this test because I could drop

1249
01:10:12,960 --> 01:10:16,680
out of college and become a firefighter and I was so set to do that.

1250
01:10:16,680 --> 01:10:17,680
And I didn't.

1251
01:10:17,680 --> 01:10:18,680
I got number 18,000.

1252
01:10:18,680 --> 01:10:23,480
I never got called and I had to finish the stupid school and then I had to go and get

1253
01:10:23,480 --> 01:10:27,800
these stupid jobs.

1254
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:31,880
And yet the second time I took the exam, I got a 103.

1255
01:10:31,880 --> 01:10:34,440
I was number 1217 on the list.

1256
01:10:34,440 --> 01:10:38,840
And typically they go through about five to 600 people per class.

1257
01:10:38,840 --> 01:10:40,500
They have two classes a year.

1258
01:10:40,500 --> 01:10:45,000
So that's how we get the number of about 5,000 a year, you know, 5,000 every four years to

1259
01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:46,180
get called.

1260
01:10:46,180 --> 01:10:50,360
And so I wound up getting called while I was working as a psychotherapist at a private

1261
01:10:50,360 --> 01:10:56,920
practice and I was now making this really hard decision because after searching for

1262
01:10:56,920 --> 01:11:03,100
the freaking place I wanted to work from 18 to 28 as a psychotherapist and being everywhere

1263
01:11:03,100 --> 01:11:08,040
like inpatient, outpatient, hospital, clinic, homeless shelter, Department of Education,

1264
01:11:08,040 --> 01:11:10,160
applied behavioral analysis, traveling home therapist.

1265
01:11:10,160 --> 01:11:13,640
I finally settled in a private practice and I was loving it, man.

1266
01:11:13,640 --> 01:11:15,320
I had 40 clients.

1267
01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:20,000
There's an awesome caseload and I was in a great private practice where we actually had

1268
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:21,760
like some great individuals.

1269
01:11:21,760 --> 01:11:23,380
We had people that had steady jobs.

1270
01:11:23,380 --> 01:11:24,380
We had entrepreneurs.

1271
01:11:24,380 --> 01:11:27,100
We had all types of people and I loved it.

1272
01:11:27,100 --> 01:11:28,880
And now it's like, oh man, I'm 20 years old.

1273
01:11:28,880 --> 01:11:31,060
I just got called to become a firefighter.

1274
01:11:31,060 --> 01:11:33,680
Like this is my only shot.

1275
01:11:33,680 --> 01:11:36,520
If I don't do this, I'll never become a firefighter.

1276
01:11:36,520 --> 01:11:42,640
And so after some really tough decision making that took place, I decided to take the leap

1277
01:11:42,640 --> 01:11:43,640
and be like, all right, cool.

1278
01:11:43,640 --> 01:11:44,640
I'm going to go become a firefighter.

1279
01:11:44,640 --> 01:11:46,760
It's like my childhood dream.

1280
01:11:46,760 --> 01:11:52,060
And I could always go back to being a therapist, but I could only have this one shot to ever

1281
01:11:52,060 --> 01:11:54,440
become a firefighter in my lifetime.

1282
01:11:54,440 --> 01:11:55,800
So I'm going to do it.

1283
01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:57,760
And so I did it.

1284
01:11:57,760 --> 01:12:02,520
Past all the past all the preliminaries became a firefighter jumped into the fire Academy.

1285
01:12:02,520 --> 01:12:03,520
It's going strong.

1286
01:12:03,520 --> 01:12:04,520
It really sucks.

1287
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:05,520
It's not fun at all.

1288
01:12:05,520 --> 01:12:08,240
They got the drill instructors yelling at you.

1289
01:12:08,240 --> 01:12:09,240
You're getting up at 3am.

1290
01:12:09,240 --> 01:12:10,920
You're getting yelled at on the lines.

1291
01:12:10,920 --> 01:12:13,820
You get home at 5, 6, 7, 8pm.

1292
01:12:13,820 --> 01:12:14,820
You go to sleep.

1293
01:12:14,820 --> 01:12:18,960
You have tests every week, functional skills training, hands on training, all this great

1294
01:12:18,960 --> 01:12:20,420
stuff.

1295
01:12:20,420 --> 01:12:26,080
And then about two months before we're supposed to graduate, the pandemic starts.

1296
01:12:26,080 --> 01:12:31,560
So it's funny because I'll never forget that moment where the drill instructors and James,

1297
01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:35,280
I'm sure you and a lot of these other first responders listening, you guys know how they

1298
01:12:35,280 --> 01:12:36,280
are right.

1299
01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:40,920
They're like, Hey, even though things are going on in the world, you better be prepared

1300
01:12:40,920 --> 01:12:42,240
to be here.

1301
01:12:42,240 --> 01:12:45,680
So I know it's Friday, but stay, you know, stay on your toes.

1302
01:12:45,680 --> 01:12:46,840
We'll see you Monday.

1303
01:12:46,840 --> 01:12:49,040
You're here until the end.

1304
01:12:49,040 --> 01:12:50,040
Okay.

1305
01:12:50,040 --> 01:12:51,440
We come in Monday.

1306
01:12:51,440 --> 01:12:53,080
Things are really going sideways.

1307
01:12:53,080 --> 01:12:55,360
You leave tomorrow to go to your firehouse.

1308
01:12:55,360 --> 01:12:56,960
Good luck.

1309
01:12:56,960 --> 01:12:59,440
What?

1310
01:12:59,440 --> 01:13:03,440
So it was very interesting how they just kind of sent us off.

1311
01:13:03,440 --> 01:13:05,840
They were like, your city needs you.

1312
01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:11,040
And mind you, they haven't done one of these, which they call a wartime graduation because

1313
01:13:11,040 --> 01:13:13,000
we graduated early.

1314
01:13:13,000 --> 01:13:19,280
They haven't done one of these since 9 11 because everybody was going out sick.

1315
01:13:19,280 --> 01:13:22,720
And obviously because nobody knew is literally the start.

1316
01:13:22,720 --> 01:13:23,720
People are extra cautious.

1317
01:13:23,720 --> 01:13:26,800
Like if you had COVID, like they were quarantining the whole house.

1318
01:13:26,800 --> 01:13:29,920
If one guy had it and a house might have like 20 people in it.

1319
01:13:29,920 --> 01:13:35,000
So now they're down 20 guys and you have people working triple OT because what else are you

1320
01:13:35,000 --> 01:13:36,000
going to do?

1321
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:37,000
Everybody's out.

1322
01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:42,120
So it was a very interesting transition time.

1323
01:13:42,120 --> 01:13:44,480
So what did that look like when you got to the firehouse?

1324
01:13:44,480 --> 01:13:49,640
I had an interesting conversation with a firefighter recently and he was hired, but they were literally

1325
01:13:49,640 --> 01:13:52,040
in the tower when 9 11 happened.

1326
01:13:52,040 --> 01:13:57,860
So when he graduated as a pro be, he didn't have this intact firehouse and these crusty

1327
01:13:57,860 --> 01:14:01,800
old guys and the senior man taking him under his wing and saying, let me show you, you

1328
01:14:01,800 --> 01:14:04,360
know, the things you need to know, kid.

1329
01:14:04,360 --> 01:14:09,720
He went into a station with grieving men and women that were heartbroken in a city that

1330
01:14:09,720 --> 01:14:11,200
had been shattered.

1331
01:14:11,200 --> 01:14:15,160
And so it was really kind of fascinating hearing his kind of onboard story as far as being

1332
01:14:15,160 --> 01:14:16,800
a pro be.

1333
01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:21,760
What was that perspective for you entering COVID of all times?

1334
01:14:21,760 --> 01:14:23,820
It was interesting.

1335
01:14:23,820 --> 01:14:27,040
We definitely didn't get much like much like that gentleman.

1336
01:14:27,040 --> 01:14:34,140
We definitely didn't get the same experience that a lot of other pro be's had because one,

1337
01:14:34,140 --> 01:14:36,080
we didn't get to do a graduation.

1338
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:39,120
We didn't get to like, I don't want to say we didn't get to finish our training because

1339
01:14:39,120 --> 01:14:44,280
we did, but we didn't get to do the things that really built the bigger brotherhood bonds,

1340
01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:45,540
you know, in the academy.

1341
01:14:45,540 --> 01:14:50,080
Like we went through five or four months of crap.

1342
01:14:50,080 --> 01:14:53,380
We did all the hard stuff, but then at the end is really where you build and you come

1343
01:14:53,380 --> 01:14:57,640
together as platoons and you do like the platoon games and you know, you have the graduating

1344
01:14:57,640 --> 01:15:01,400
ceremonies and it becomes this big deal of like, Hey, we made it.

1345
01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:05,620
Nobody ever really got to feel that or experience that our graduations were canceled.

1346
01:15:05,620 --> 01:15:14,720
We had like, we had like groups of 50 go for graduation after like six months in the, in

1347
01:15:14,720 --> 01:15:17,100
on the job, like actually in the firehouse.

1348
01:15:17,100 --> 01:15:21,040
And they'd be like, Oh, you can go and get your diploma and we all had to sit spaced

1349
01:15:21,040 --> 01:15:24,080
out with the masks on and no family could come.

1350
01:15:24,080 --> 01:15:26,920
And it was like, come get your diploma, just shake the chief's hand and then go back to

1351
01:15:26,920 --> 01:15:29,600
your, your seat and then like your release for the day.

1352
01:15:29,600 --> 01:15:31,080
So it was a different dynamic.

1353
01:15:31,080 --> 01:15:32,840
There weren't any boys night outs.

1354
01:15:32,840 --> 01:15:35,700
There weren't really many, there weren't any functions.

1355
01:15:35,700 --> 01:15:37,320
There was nothing to do.

1356
01:15:37,320 --> 01:15:38,820
The streets were completely empty.

1357
01:15:38,820 --> 01:15:41,800
So it made commuting to work super easy.

1358
01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:44,120
And I mean, it was just, it was interesting.

1359
01:15:44,120 --> 01:15:52,080
So also as a pro be typically you're supposed to have to earn 24s and we had to have 24s

1360
01:15:52,080 --> 01:15:56,240
right off the bat because of the fact that the COVID protocol is in place where it'd

1361
01:15:56,240 --> 01:16:00,840
be like you're on 24 and then you're off to, to make sure, you know, no incubation, yada,

1362
01:16:00,840 --> 01:16:01,840
yada.

1363
01:16:01,840 --> 01:16:06,200
So it actually made it a little easier for me because I was building my side business.

1364
01:16:06,200 --> 01:16:11,560
So I've been, I've been building the coaching business since I was in the academy actually,

1365
01:16:11,560 --> 01:16:15,040
because I was doing it on weekends because the fire Academy was Monday to Friday.

1366
01:16:15,040 --> 01:16:16,360
But now I was in the firehouse.

1367
01:16:16,360 --> 01:16:21,480
I was able to do it on my two days off and it made a little easier, but it was, it was

1368
01:16:21,480 --> 01:16:26,760
definitely a little bit of a weird time because no matter how anybody felt about it at the

1369
01:16:26,760 --> 01:16:31,760
start when nobody knew what was going on and you're just kind of seeing the news hyped

1370
01:16:31,760 --> 01:16:35,760
up and you're seeing people like saying everybody around them is dying.

1371
01:16:35,760 --> 01:16:36,880
It was weird.

1372
01:16:36,880 --> 01:16:40,640
You know, my girl was working in Manhattan at the time and obviously Manhattan is tight

1373
01:16:40,640 --> 01:16:41,640
and dense.

1374
01:16:41,640 --> 01:16:44,080
And I was telling my girls like, Hey, you know, make sure you bring hand sanitizer.

1375
01:16:44,080 --> 01:16:46,680
I was like, make sure you do this, make sure you do that.

1376
01:16:46,680 --> 01:16:47,960
Like maybe you should call it a work.

1377
01:16:47,960 --> 01:16:49,920
Like why don't you just quit your job?

1378
01:16:49,920 --> 01:16:50,920
I'll handle it.

1379
01:16:50,920 --> 01:16:51,920
Don't worry about it.

1380
01:16:51,920 --> 01:16:58,640
And so it was a very interesting and concerning time at the start just because of that.

1381
01:16:58,640 --> 01:17:03,640
But it was also interesting because I was in one of the houses that was one of the first

1382
01:17:03,640 --> 01:17:05,640
two houses for nine 11.

1383
01:17:05,640 --> 01:17:10,640
So I was stationed in downtown Brooklyn right over the Manhattan bridge.

1384
01:17:10,640 --> 01:17:14,320
And so I would at least once or twice a week, I would clean.

1385
01:17:14,320 --> 01:17:18,520
We had a memorial for all the guys that passed because everybody on tour that day passed

1386
01:17:18,520 --> 01:17:21,560
and I would always clean that memorial.

1387
01:17:21,560 --> 01:17:27,720
And it started, it was an interesting feeling, honestly, because it was like that immediate

1388
01:17:27,720 --> 01:17:34,240
realization that if something like that happens again, it could be me in a memorial next to

1389
01:17:34,240 --> 01:17:38,680
these guys because that's what the duty would require.

1390
01:17:38,680 --> 01:17:41,040
And there's like another level of respect for that.

1391
01:17:41,040 --> 01:17:46,920
So it was very interesting just experiencing the pandemic and then being in that kind of

1392
01:17:46,920 --> 01:17:51,800
house and seeing that like you didn't really get that opportunity to bond with the guys.

1393
01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:55,480
So I guess I never really felt super close with a lot of the guys in my house.

1394
01:17:55,480 --> 01:17:58,560
And my house also had a lot of younger guys.

1395
01:17:58,560 --> 01:18:02,680
Like one of the senior guys was like seven years on.

1396
01:18:02,680 --> 01:18:07,260
Like there was one guy who had like 20 years or two guys that had like 20 years or 10 years.

1397
01:18:07,260 --> 01:18:11,440
But then the next guy had like six and the guys who had 10, 20 years with chauffeurs

1398
01:18:11,440 --> 01:18:12,640
and they were kind of just chilling.

1399
01:18:12,640 --> 01:18:15,240
They weren't really like, come here, kid.

1400
01:18:15,240 --> 01:18:16,240
It was the six.

1401
01:18:16,240 --> 01:18:17,360
It was the guy that was six years on.

1402
01:18:17,360 --> 01:18:18,360
It was like, come here.

1403
01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:28,240
And he was a massive, massive fun person to be around.

1404
01:18:28,240 --> 01:18:29,560
So correct me if I'm wrong.

1405
01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:31,320
You didn't end up staying with FDM.

1406
01:18:31,320 --> 01:18:32,560
Why that long?

1407
01:18:32,560 --> 01:18:36,840
So what made you transition out after testing twice?

1408
01:18:36,840 --> 01:18:43,240
So I did it for a year combined with my time in the academy.

1409
01:18:43,240 --> 01:18:49,560
And it, I don't know, man, it wasn't really what it wasn't.

1410
01:18:49,560 --> 01:18:54,200
I guess it wasn't really filling me up and making me feel fulfilled.

1411
01:18:54,200 --> 01:18:59,280
I wasn't really enjoying the experience.

1412
01:18:59,280 --> 01:19:00,360
Like I liked it.

1413
01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:01,840
I liked being a firefighter.

1414
01:19:01,840 --> 01:19:05,080
I thought it was probably the coolest thing I've ever done.

1415
01:19:05,080 --> 01:19:10,800
I thought it was, it was, I don't know, it was a very, it was a very interesting feeling

1416
01:19:10,800 --> 01:19:14,600
or a great feeling to be kind of what we're talking about.

1417
01:19:14,600 --> 01:19:20,200
Like be that hero as a kid where, you know, you always imagined as a kid running into

1418
01:19:20,200 --> 01:19:22,800
danger making you the real life superhero.

1419
01:19:22,800 --> 01:19:24,800
It was a very cool feeling to kind of live that out.

1420
01:19:24,800 --> 01:19:26,360
Be like, I'm here to help people.

1421
01:19:26,360 --> 01:19:29,920
I'm here to like serve and save and protect.

1422
01:19:29,920 --> 01:19:36,480
And that was the best part of being a firefighter, but I didn't really feel that it was for me.

1423
01:19:36,480 --> 01:19:42,280
You know, I, and I was kind of ashamed to feel that realistically because I had wanted

1424
01:19:42,280 --> 01:19:47,060
it my whole life and I had worked really hard to achieve it because, you know, building

1425
01:19:47,060 --> 01:19:50,480
a business on the side while going through the academy was not easy.

1426
01:19:50,480 --> 01:19:53,640
And I'm not going to sit here and say I was a star student in the academy.

1427
01:19:53,640 --> 01:19:56,680
Like it was, it was tough for me because of that.

1428
01:19:56,680 --> 01:20:00,680
And then me and I was in a brand new relationship and we had just moved in together and we were

1429
01:20:00,680 --> 01:20:02,740
fighting every other day.

1430
01:20:02,740 --> 01:20:06,560
So going through the fire department was hell for me, man.

1431
01:20:06,560 --> 01:20:11,160
And I felt like I worked so hard to get there and then it was very sad to realize it wasn't

1432
01:20:11,160 --> 01:20:12,960
for me.

1433
01:20:12,960 --> 01:20:18,440
And the day that I had that true realization was it's Friday night.

1434
01:20:18,440 --> 01:20:25,160
A couple of the firefighters were out and I think it was about 10 or 11 PM.

1435
01:20:25,160 --> 01:20:29,320
And I guess the guy realized he didn't want to go in in the morning.

1436
01:20:29,320 --> 01:20:32,300
He had the seven by tour on a Saturday.

1437
01:20:32,300 --> 01:20:39,360
And so as the pro be and 10, 11 PM at night on a Friday, I am supposed to step up and

1438
01:20:39,360 --> 01:20:42,220
I'm supposed to say, I'll go in buddy.

1439
01:20:42,220 --> 01:20:43,220
Don't worry.

1440
01:20:43,220 --> 01:20:44,220
You stay out and do what you do.

1441
01:20:44,220 --> 01:20:46,620
I will go into work.

1442
01:20:46,620 --> 01:20:52,800
And yet I found myself having anxiety because I knew I didn't want to go into work, but

1443
01:20:52,800 --> 01:20:55,320
not because of the fact that it was going to be a Saturday morning.

1444
01:20:55,320 --> 01:20:59,400
I didn't want to go into work because of the fact that I had five coaching clients scheduled

1445
01:20:59,400 --> 01:21:01,280
for that Saturday.

1446
01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:05,160
And I felt such a sense of duty and obligation to them.

1447
01:21:05,160 --> 01:21:10,240
I felt like I've already canceled on some of them before because I have put the firehouse

1448
01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:16,480
first, but I started realizing more and more and more the disparity of how I felt emotionally,

1449
01:21:16,480 --> 01:21:19,160
which was pushing on the fact that I didn't feel aligned to it.

1450
01:21:19,160 --> 01:21:22,240
I did not want to cancel on my clients.

1451
01:21:22,240 --> 01:21:24,760
So I did what anybody would do who's brave and powerful and tough.

1452
01:21:24,760 --> 01:21:25,760
I pretended I was asleep.

1453
01:21:25,760 --> 01:21:30,760
I think Biden does that, doesn't he?

1454
01:21:30,760 --> 01:21:31,760
Yeah.

1455
01:21:31,760 --> 01:21:36,720
I mean, if you can't see me and you don't know I'm not awake, then you can't say nothing,

1456
01:21:36,720 --> 01:21:37,720
right?

1457
01:21:37,720 --> 01:21:42,680
So I didn't answer the text messages and the whole house was flipping out and everybody

1458
01:21:42,680 --> 01:21:44,600
was getting pissy and they're like, where's the pro be?

1459
01:21:44,600 --> 01:21:49,020
Where's the guy that's supposed to step up and like talking about me the whole time.

1460
01:21:49,020 --> 01:21:51,220
And that felt terrible too.

1461
01:21:51,220 --> 01:21:55,760
But that night really prompted a level of honesty and truth that I was not allowing

1462
01:21:55,760 --> 01:22:02,300
myself to get to, which was that I had one foot in both opportunities.

1463
01:22:02,300 --> 01:22:06,040
I was being a firefighter to the best of my capabilities.

1464
01:22:06,040 --> 01:22:07,180
I was showing up.

1465
01:22:07,180 --> 01:22:08,360
I was coming in.

1466
01:22:08,360 --> 01:22:09,560
I was getting called in.

1467
01:22:09,560 --> 01:22:10,880
I was doing the pro be things.

1468
01:22:10,880 --> 01:22:11,920
I was cleaning the dish.

1469
01:22:11,920 --> 01:22:15,040
I was doing my best to be a good pro be.

1470
01:22:15,040 --> 01:22:19,880
And I was also doing my best to be a good coach slash business owner.

1471
01:22:19,880 --> 01:22:24,640
And then the realization was that I'm not really being there for anybody because I keep

1472
01:22:24,640 --> 01:22:27,360
flipping who I have to show up for.

1473
01:22:27,360 --> 01:22:31,080
And I wasn't doing them a service because they wanted a pro be that's going to be fully

1474
01:22:31,080 --> 01:22:32,080
dedicated.

1475
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:35,000
I wasn't doing them a service because they want a coach and a therapist they could count

1476
01:22:35,000 --> 01:22:39,360
on that won't cancel on them last minute when they have made time in their schedules to

1477
01:22:39,360 --> 01:22:42,360
show up for what we do.

1478
01:22:42,360 --> 01:22:47,800
And so then I had to ask, well, where do I feel like my heart is really aligned here?

1479
01:22:47,800 --> 01:22:52,600
Like where do I feel when I think about what I'm doing?

1480
01:22:52,600 --> 01:22:54,560
Where do I feel the most connected?

1481
01:22:54,560 --> 01:22:59,760
Like where do I feel like if I didn't do this, I would feel crappy.

1482
01:22:59,760 --> 01:23:03,940
And it came to be true that that was the therapy coaching that I was doing.

1483
01:23:03,940 --> 01:23:10,800
And so now I paced back and forth for about four weeks, almost another month.

1484
01:23:10,800 --> 01:23:14,360
And I kept on trying to hand in a letter of resignation.

1485
01:23:14,360 --> 01:23:17,000
But every time I was like, all right, I'm going to hand it in and put it back down and

1486
01:23:17,000 --> 01:23:20,240
be like, maybe tomorrow.

1487
01:23:20,240 --> 01:23:25,520
And it was one of the harder decisions I had to make because it's scary to bet on yourself.

1488
01:23:25,520 --> 01:23:27,840
It's scary to go into uncertainty.

1489
01:23:27,840 --> 01:23:32,000
And it's also hard to give up something that you feel like you really, really wanted for

1490
01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:35,760
so long to realize like it's probably not for you.

1491
01:23:35,760 --> 01:23:39,280
And so I decided that that's what I had to do.

1492
01:23:39,280 --> 01:23:41,760
I tried to take a leave of absence from the fire department.

1493
01:23:41,760 --> 01:23:44,740
They wouldn't give me one because I was a pro be.

1494
01:23:44,740 --> 01:23:50,720
And so that actually prompted that I either had to resign or stay in until I was off probation,

1495
01:23:50,720 --> 01:23:53,500
which would have been probably another six or so months.

1496
01:23:53,500 --> 01:23:56,000
But I felt like I had to do this thing with therapy and coaching.

1497
01:23:56,000 --> 01:23:57,540
I wanted to give it my all.

1498
01:23:57,540 --> 01:23:59,140
I just felt completely called to it.

1499
01:23:59,140 --> 01:24:01,760
I wanted to show up and support powerfully.

1500
01:24:01,760 --> 01:24:06,120
And so I just took the leap and it was hard, but I did it.

1501
01:24:06,120 --> 01:24:08,260
Well, I applaud you.

1502
01:24:08,260 --> 01:24:15,400
And the reason I say that I know, if I can think of firefighters that, good people, but

1503
01:24:15,400 --> 01:24:20,080
their side business is more important to them than the fire service.

1504
01:24:20,080 --> 01:24:25,720
And I think that's just completely backwards when of those two, one lives are actually

1505
01:24:25,720 --> 01:24:26,720
at stake.

1506
01:24:26,720 --> 01:24:28,760
Again, like I always use the plumber analogy.

1507
01:24:28,760 --> 01:24:33,960
If you're a plumber and you're doing real estate on the side or whatever and you asleep,

1508
01:24:33,960 --> 01:24:38,240
half asleep and you flood someone's house, shame on you, but you didn't kill anyone.

1509
01:24:38,240 --> 01:24:44,160
And when it's the fire service and you're not exercising, you're not studying medical

1510
01:24:44,160 --> 01:24:49,680
protocols or whatever, because you're too busy doing your side shit at work even, then

1511
01:24:49,680 --> 01:24:53,880
that's detrimental to the men and women in the firehouse and obviously the people that

1512
01:24:53,880 --> 01:24:54,880
we serve.

1513
01:24:54,880 --> 01:24:58,160
So I think it's a very courageous thing to look in the mirror and go, my heart isn't

1514
01:24:58,160 --> 01:24:59,160
in it.

1515
01:24:59,160 --> 01:25:02,840
And this is how I'm going to serve through this other side.

1516
01:25:02,840 --> 01:25:08,760
And then also taking that leap of faith, because even though arguably the benefits in the fire

1517
01:25:08,760 --> 01:25:12,760
service are nowhere near what they used to be, the old time is talking about it, the

1518
01:25:12,760 --> 01:25:15,080
leave with health insurance and all these beautiful things.

1519
01:25:15,080 --> 01:25:21,980
And now we actually look and we have an 80% or 20% copay before we get any benefits now.

1520
01:25:21,980 --> 01:25:26,600
And it stops the moment you leave the fire service and the pension gets cut by Rick Scott.

1521
01:25:26,600 --> 01:25:30,500
And the next thing you're looking at the tatters that were the benefits that used to lure us

1522
01:25:30,500 --> 01:25:34,760
and they're not even that great anymore, but there is that feeling of security.

1523
01:25:34,760 --> 01:25:39,600
I'll put on my uniform, I'll show up every third day, we'll have insurance, we'll have

1524
01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:40,960
a paycheck.

1525
01:25:40,960 --> 01:25:44,080
And so it is scary to make the leap of faith.

1526
01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:49,080
I did the same thing with the podcast, but the only thing that really is fuel for that

1527
01:25:49,080 --> 01:25:51,600
is when you just know that's what you're supposed to do.

1528
01:25:51,600 --> 01:25:54,040
And I knew that this was what I was supposed to do.

1529
01:25:54,040 --> 01:26:00,640
And the last place I worked made it easier to leave, God put me in a very toxic place

1530
01:26:00,640 --> 01:26:06,720
and pushed me out the back door and said, go fix it kind of thing.

1531
01:26:06,720 --> 01:26:10,540
But yeah, but I mean, it is a courageous thing.

1532
01:26:10,540 --> 01:26:16,520
It really is to push against what society has told you is stable and have the courage

1533
01:26:16,520 --> 01:26:22,280
to actually go chase the thing that you truly, truly want to do.

1534
01:26:22,280 --> 01:26:27,280
And I think that's one of the biggest things that when people ask, couldn't I do both?

1535
01:26:27,280 --> 01:26:29,220
The answer was, yeah, of course I could have.

1536
01:26:29,220 --> 01:26:35,080
But I felt exactly as you're saying, I didn't want to feel like I was doing anyone a disservice.

1537
01:26:35,080 --> 01:26:39,400
And I did my best to really be the best pro be I could, because I felt like that's what

1538
01:26:39,400 --> 01:26:40,560
you're supposed to do, right?

1539
01:26:40,560 --> 01:26:46,160
Like kind of to who I believe I am as somebody who shows up as best I can.

1540
01:26:46,160 --> 01:26:51,840
And so I don't know what the guys at the firehouse would say about me if you went to ask them.

1541
01:26:51,840 --> 01:26:55,000
I'd like to imagine that they say, like I showed up, I did what I was supposed to do

1542
01:26:55,000 --> 01:26:56,000
and things like that.

1543
01:26:56,000 --> 01:26:58,440
You know, who knows, maybe they wouldn't.

1544
01:26:58,440 --> 01:27:00,260
But that's how I viewed it.

1545
01:27:00,260 --> 01:27:04,240
But I also realized to your point is I didn't want to put the firehouse first.

1546
01:27:04,240 --> 01:27:05,840
It wasn't my first priority.

1547
01:27:05,840 --> 01:27:09,480
And that's where I said, I do need to leave because that's not right for them.

1548
01:27:09,480 --> 01:27:14,400
And they deserve somebody that's actually going to show up that wants to be here 100%

1549
01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:18,600
that will put the firehouse first, that will look at this as this is the main thing and

1550
01:27:18,600 --> 01:27:20,040
most important thing in my life.

1551
01:27:20,040 --> 01:27:24,120
And when I realized that wasn't true for me, that's when I realized like I have to get

1552
01:27:24,120 --> 01:27:28,440
out of here and I have to actually step into what I do believe that is, which is what I'm

1553
01:27:28,440 --> 01:27:29,760
doing now.

1554
01:27:29,760 --> 01:27:33,600
You know, and there was a lot of sadness around that for those multiple reasons, like one

1555
01:27:33,600 --> 01:27:38,600
of it being that, you know, that was a childhood dream that I lived and realized isn't my dream.

1556
01:27:38,600 --> 01:27:42,680
But the other part, which I don't really talk about too much, but I'd love to say on here

1557
01:27:42,680 --> 01:27:45,440
because I feel like this is the spot for it.

1558
01:27:45,440 --> 01:27:51,200
I felt like, you know, and a lot of the guys talk about having these bonds for life of,

1559
01:27:51,200 --> 01:27:56,000
hey, you know, you go through this hell together where you're in the academy and, you know,

1560
01:27:56,000 --> 01:27:58,840
we go through all this hard crap and like we bond or we're supposed to and we're supposed

1561
01:27:58,840 --> 01:28:00,480
to have these brotherhoods.

1562
01:28:00,480 --> 01:28:04,540
And I didn't feel like I had that mostly because of the fact that I didn't.

1563
01:28:04,540 --> 01:28:09,240
After I left the fire department, a lot of rumors started about me, people who I've never

1564
01:28:09,240 --> 01:28:14,540
even heard, like never even met, I should say, who were in other boroughs were talking

1565
01:28:14,540 --> 01:28:16,360
crap about me.

1566
01:28:16,360 --> 01:28:20,400
And I was kicked out of all the group chats and a lot of the firefighters or the guys

1567
01:28:20,400 --> 01:28:22,960
that I was talking to stop talking to me.

1568
01:28:22,960 --> 01:28:23,960
I was kicked.

1569
01:28:23,960 --> 01:28:24,960
I was removed from every group chat.

1570
01:28:24,960 --> 01:28:27,360
And the excuse was, well, you're no longer a firefighter.

1571
01:28:27,360 --> 01:28:30,960
Meanwhile, in those group chats were a bunch of retired firefighters and guys that weren't

1572
01:28:30,960 --> 01:28:32,600
even in the house anymore.

1573
01:28:32,600 --> 01:28:35,380
So it's like, that's not true.

1574
01:28:35,380 --> 01:28:39,360
And it's interesting because I even asked somebody, I was like, Hey, did they remove

1575
01:28:39,360 --> 01:28:40,360
me from the group chats?

1576
01:28:40,360 --> 01:28:43,400
Like, ah, nah, man, something happened and they got rid of the group chats.

1577
01:28:43,400 --> 01:28:44,680
I was like, okay.

1578
01:28:44,680 --> 01:28:48,080
And I found out they lie that he lied, like they removed me and don't know.

1579
01:28:48,080 --> 01:28:53,680
I think he was trying to be nice, but it's that interesting thing is like, so because

1580
01:28:53,680 --> 01:28:57,960
I'm not one of you anymore, there's no, there was never any brotherhood or at least that's

1581
01:28:57,960 --> 01:28:58,960
how it felt.

1582
01:28:58,960 --> 01:29:02,420
And it was kind of sad because I did think that with some of these guys, I really did

1583
01:29:02,420 --> 01:29:04,960
build a bond or at least that's how I felt.

1584
01:29:04,960 --> 01:29:09,600
And then it just kind of feels like similarly that everybody turned their back on me.

1585
01:29:09,600 --> 01:29:13,640
But what's even worse is that everybody said things that weren't true.

1586
01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:16,760
Like there are people that were like, Hey, Infante, I heard you said you're going to

1587
01:29:16,760 --> 01:29:20,600
leave because you could get treated better and make more money elsewhere.

1588
01:29:20,600 --> 01:29:24,360
I'm like, I literally never said that.

1589
01:29:24,360 --> 01:29:27,960
I just said, I'm going to go follow my dreams.

1590
01:29:27,960 --> 01:29:35,240
And so it's really interesting to see that things could get so disproportionate.

1591
01:29:35,240 --> 01:29:41,560
And then even later, a few years later, as I'm continuing to do my thing, I remember

1592
01:29:41,560 --> 01:29:45,520
there was a post I shared on my Instagram, my work Instagram, right?

1593
01:29:45,520 --> 01:29:51,240
Or the one that I use full time now, but it was a story about a night that meant so much

1594
01:29:51,240 --> 01:29:54,680
to me in the fire department that I learned something and it was my, it was my first do

1595
01:29:54,680 --> 01:29:56,360
nozzle job ever.

1596
01:29:56,360 --> 01:29:58,960
And it was like a really memorable moment for me.

1597
01:29:58,960 --> 01:30:02,660
Like I still have over here in my office, I have four of my favorite tickets from when

1598
01:30:02,660 --> 01:30:03,660
I was on the job.

1599
01:30:03,660 --> 01:30:05,440
I have my first do nozzle job.

1600
01:30:05,440 --> 01:30:07,200
I have my first fire.

1601
01:30:07,200 --> 01:30:10,400
My first fire was back to back, which was even cooler.

1602
01:30:10,400 --> 01:30:13,120
And you know, I have all these great tickets and memories and things like that.

1603
01:30:13,120 --> 01:30:14,120
And I talked about it.

1604
01:30:14,120 --> 01:30:18,240
And man, when I tell you guys that I haven't talked to, cause this was almost three years

1605
01:30:18,240 --> 01:30:22,280
later, guys that I haven't talked to and almost three years later who don't follow me and

1606
01:30:22,280 --> 01:30:27,960
I don't follow them came to leave negative posts on my post about when I was a firefighter

1607
01:30:27,960 --> 01:30:32,040
and talk shit about me and be like, Oh, thank God the city had you.

1608
01:30:32,040 --> 01:30:36,160
And it's like, what's wrong with you people?

1609
01:30:36,160 --> 01:30:38,560
Do you have nothing better to do?

1610
01:30:38,560 --> 01:30:43,080
So it was, it was a very disheartening thing for me to see that that's what I experienced.

1611
01:30:43,080 --> 01:30:46,960
And I don't know how many of your listeners or anybody out there might be experiencing

1612
01:30:46,960 --> 01:30:47,960
anything like that.

1613
01:30:47,960 --> 01:30:52,040
I feel like you're ostracized, but you know, I just, I want to bring it back.

1614
01:30:52,040 --> 01:30:56,040
Cause the thing that helped me most with that was just the understanding of like what I

1615
01:30:56,040 --> 01:31:01,360
try to teach people is like external worlds are just a reflection of your internal.

1616
01:31:01,360 --> 01:31:05,800
They're not doing this to like personally to me, they're doing this because that's who

1617
01:31:05,800 --> 01:31:06,960
they are on the inside.

1618
01:31:06,960 --> 01:31:10,300
And I'm the target of their internal world.

1619
01:31:10,300 --> 01:31:14,720
So anybody who might be feeling like there's some sort of ostracization or you might be

1620
01:31:14,720 --> 01:31:15,960
feeling like maybe you don't fit in.

1621
01:31:15,960 --> 01:31:19,600
I hope that that piece of advice maybe gives you a little bit of comfort and you could

1622
01:31:19,600 --> 01:31:21,240
switch the perspective a little.

1623
01:31:21,240 --> 01:31:23,840
Well, I mean, thank you for sharing.

1624
01:31:23,840 --> 01:31:26,800
I think it's an important perspective in a couple of layers.

1625
01:31:26,800 --> 01:31:32,120
I mean, even if you were in that cohesive group, what I've found, and I've had this

1626
01:31:32,120 --> 01:31:37,200
many, many times, you know, firefighters that get hurt or they get cancer or whatever it

1627
01:31:37,200 --> 01:31:42,200
is, there's a certain point where the phone stops ringing.

1628
01:31:42,200 --> 01:31:45,780
You know, even, even the widows have said this, you know, we're all there the first

1629
01:31:45,780 --> 01:31:48,640
couple of weeks and then it just kind of dies off.

1630
01:31:48,640 --> 01:31:53,200
And you know, to be fair, a lot of us are running calls 24 hours a day and we're so

1631
01:31:53,200 --> 01:31:56,120
exhausted and we can't think straight.

1632
01:31:56,120 --> 01:31:59,880
But I think we have to take a step back and look at, you know, who's falling between the

1633
01:31:59,880 --> 01:32:03,680
cracks because that, you know, for you, you ended up moving on, you had something successful

1634
01:32:03,680 --> 01:32:04,840
and you're thriving now.

1635
01:32:04,840 --> 01:32:07,280
But for some people that's crushing.

1636
01:32:07,280 --> 01:32:10,600
That could be the difference between them sticking a gun in their mouth or not, because

1637
01:32:10,600 --> 01:32:11,880
that was their tribe.

1638
01:32:11,880 --> 01:32:17,080
And to feel ostracized from something that in the rock, you'd been indoctrinated to be,

1639
01:32:17,080 --> 01:32:18,400
this is who you are.

1640
01:32:18,400 --> 01:32:20,160
This is your identity.

1641
01:32:20,160 --> 01:32:23,000
And now you're getting treated like that.

1642
01:32:23,000 --> 01:32:27,720
But I think from the inside, there's also this feeling of when you leave, you're not

1643
01:32:27,720 --> 01:32:29,080
one of us anymore.

1644
01:32:29,080 --> 01:32:31,200
And I, you know, again, I disagree completely.

1645
01:32:31,200 --> 01:32:33,680
Like to me, I don't tell people I'm a retired firefighter.

1646
01:32:33,680 --> 01:32:34,680
I'm a firefighter.

1647
01:32:34,680 --> 01:32:38,680
If I drive down the road and someone's car comes flying off the side, I'm going to be

1648
01:32:38,680 --> 01:32:40,640
breaking glass and trying to pull them out.

1649
01:32:40,640 --> 01:32:41,840
You know, that's who I am.

1650
01:32:41,840 --> 01:32:44,280
I'm still a paramedic on paper too.

1651
01:32:44,280 --> 01:32:50,600
So, you know, we've got to get away from this kind of the negative element of tribalism,

1652
01:32:50,600 --> 01:32:53,960
which is almost like, oh, you left us, fuck you.

1653
01:32:53,960 --> 01:32:57,440
Instead of it, look at it as the global fire family that we're a part of.

1654
01:32:57,440 --> 01:33:01,160
And if someone put a uniform on for a year and served, will they put a uniform on for

1655
01:33:01,160 --> 01:33:02,160
a year and served?

1656
01:33:02,160 --> 01:33:04,840
Will you tell a Marine he's a piece of shit because they're into four years?

1657
01:33:04,840 --> 01:33:06,600
No, of course not.

1658
01:33:06,600 --> 01:33:08,040
It's something about the fire service.

1659
01:33:08,040 --> 01:33:13,600
If we don't stay until that magic number that some pension company made up, then we're a

1660
01:33:13,600 --> 01:33:14,600
lesser person.

1661
01:33:14,600 --> 01:33:16,160
Why'd you quit?

1662
01:33:16,160 --> 01:33:18,720
You know, and it's such a bizarre mindset.

1663
01:33:18,720 --> 01:33:20,920
And again, listening to your story, fantastic.

1664
01:33:20,920 --> 01:33:25,320
I talk about the same with the mentorship programs that they have in town.

1665
01:33:25,320 --> 01:33:29,840
If a young kid comes and tries a mentorship program and goes, oh, I don't want to be a

1666
01:33:29,840 --> 01:33:30,840
firefighter.

1667
01:33:30,840 --> 01:33:33,200
Actually, that is a huge win.

1668
01:33:33,200 --> 01:33:34,200
Beautiful.

1669
01:33:34,200 --> 01:33:35,200
We saved you time.

1670
01:33:35,200 --> 01:33:37,080
We saved the department's money.

1671
01:33:37,080 --> 01:33:41,480
And you know, you've taken something valuable from this process.

1672
01:33:41,480 --> 01:33:50,920
To be, you know, offended that someone leaves the fire department before 20 years and to

1673
01:33:50,920 --> 01:33:54,280
ostracize someone, whether they were fired, hurt, whatever it was.

1674
01:33:54,280 --> 01:33:57,480
I mean, there's a near miss here in where I live.

1675
01:33:57,480 --> 01:33:59,080
And I've asked numerous people.

1676
01:33:59,080 --> 01:34:04,760
This was a paramedic that basically injected himself with a paralytic in a suicide attempt.

1677
01:34:04,760 --> 01:34:08,080
And I've asked numerous people, OK, where is he now?

1678
01:34:08,080 --> 01:34:09,080
Well, I don't know.

1679
01:34:09,080 --> 01:34:10,080
I didn't know him.

1680
01:34:10,080 --> 01:34:14,560
I'm like, one of your people that wore a uniform almost died and you don't even know where

1681
01:34:14,560 --> 01:34:15,560
he is now.

1682
01:34:15,560 --> 01:34:17,200
You know, that's the kind of shit.

1683
01:34:17,200 --> 01:34:20,680
Those are the people that fall through the cracks that maybe he's not with us anymore.

1684
01:34:20,680 --> 01:34:23,720
Maybe he that underline he was already in a bad place.

1685
01:34:23,720 --> 01:34:26,360
And then when he realized his department, they would fuck about him anymore.

1686
01:34:26,360 --> 01:34:28,360
Do you think he's doing well now?

1687
01:34:28,360 --> 01:34:29,720
I fucking hope so.

1688
01:34:29,720 --> 01:34:31,620
But chances are probably not.

1689
01:34:31,620 --> 01:34:36,820
So this is where we've really got to regain that brotherhood and sisterhood.

1690
01:34:36,820 --> 01:34:38,120
It's not an empty word.

1691
01:34:38,120 --> 01:34:39,120
And you see it.

1692
01:34:39,120 --> 01:34:41,240
You've got rope rescue competition.

1693
01:34:41,240 --> 01:34:43,400
Amazing display of brother and sisterhood.

1694
01:34:43,400 --> 01:34:48,400
The three, four, three hero challenge that they do in Orange County to to memorialize

1695
01:34:48,400 --> 01:34:53,640
the the FDNY firefighters that we lost in 9-11 and raise money for a local charity.

1696
01:34:53,640 --> 01:34:54,640
That is camaraderie.

1697
01:34:54,640 --> 01:34:55,880
That is brotherhood and sisterhood.

1698
01:34:55,880 --> 01:34:57,900
And you see it and it's alive and well.

1699
01:34:57,900 --> 01:35:01,720
But it's the same kind of people and faces that I see in all these things that really

1700
01:35:01,720 --> 01:35:02,800
get it.

1701
01:35:02,800 --> 01:35:08,520
And so we know those people have got to start pushing the walls back out again because brotherhood

1702
01:35:08,520 --> 01:35:12,800
and sisterhood is an incredible thing, but it's not just a word.

1703
01:35:12,800 --> 01:35:16,480
It's an entire philosophy that we have to embrace.

1704
01:35:16,480 --> 01:35:20,120
And that means if someone works side by side and they gave everything and they didn't do

1705
01:35:20,120 --> 01:35:25,400
something horrendous, then just because they left the department doesn't make them a piece

1706
01:35:25,400 --> 01:35:26,400
of shit.

1707
01:35:26,400 --> 01:35:27,400
Yeah, man.

1708
01:35:27,400 --> 01:35:32,880
I mean, I left there with the intention of telling people, hey, man, I'd love to see

1709
01:35:32,880 --> 01:35:33,880
you.

1710
01:35:33,880 --> 01:35:35,040
I'd love to stay connected.

1711
01:35:35,040 --> 01:35:36,040
Let's plan a night out.

1712
01:35:36,040 --> 01:35:37,040
Let's do this.

1713
01:35:37,040 --> 01:35:38,840
Let's do that.

1714
01:35:38,840 --> 01:35:41,760
Thinking that perhaps that would happen.

1715
01:35:41,760 --> 01:35:43,800
And I even offered.

1716
01:35:43,800 --> 01:35:49,360
So I was one of the few firefighters that was a therapist before becoming a firefighter.

1717
01:35:49,360 --> 01:35:51,120
It's very rare.

1718
01:35:51,120 --> 01:35:54,000
And there was this guy and they had a program.

1719
01:35:54,000 --> 01:35:55,800
And this is also something that I found to be silly.

1720
01:35:55,800 --> 01:36:00,920
They have a counseling program in the fire department, like in the fire unit.

1721
01:36:00,920 --> 01:36:04,400
And the guy, one of the guys was asking, he's like, hey, do you want to be a part of this?

1722
01:36:04,400 --> 01:36:06,080
I was like, yeah, man, I would love to help out.

1723
01:36:06,080 --> 01:36:07,080
That would be amazing.

1724
01:36:07,080 --> 01:36:09,280
He's like, well, you know, you can't do it because you're on probation.

1725
01:36:09,280 --> 01:36:10,760
Like, OK, fine.

1726
01:36:10,760 --> 01:36:13,800
But obviously, I left before my probation was up.

1727
01:36:13,800 --> 01:36:18,040
So even the guy called me, I think it was sometime after like my probation should have

1728
01:36:18,040 --> 01:36:19,920
ended and said, hey, man, I'd love to get you in now.

1729
01:36:19,920 --> 01:36:21,720
And I'm like, dude, I'm not in the fire department anymore.

1730
01:36:21,720 --> 01:36:22,880
He's like, God damn it.

1731
01:36:22,880 --> 01:36:23,880
I lost another one.

1732
01:36:23,880 --> 01:36:28,120
Like every time every time you guys go through this is like, you know, a bunch of you guys

1733
01:36:28,120 --> 01:36:29,600
wind up quitting, whatever the case is.

1734
01:36:29,600 --> 01:36:33,760
And they said, well, listen, dude, I was like, I would still love to help.

1735
01:36:33,760 --> 01:36:39,040
Like my heart is still there for the first responders like I to your point about a year

1736
01:36:39,040 --> 01:36:40,040
ago.

1737
01:36:40,040 --> 01:36:43,240
And now I've been out of the fire department close to four years or whatever it is, three

1738
01:36:43,240 --> 01:36:44,240
years.

1739
01:36:44,240 --> 01:36:45,240
I don't know.

1740
01:36:45,240 --> 01:36:47,160
But about a year ago, I was running in the park and some guy was on the floor, pissed

1741
01:36:47,160 --> 01:36:49,920
himself clearly had a heart attack and somebody was doing CPR.

1742
01:36:49,920 --> 01:36:50,920
And I jumped in.

1743
01:36:50,920 --> 01:36:51,920
I'm like, you need a break.

1744
01:36:51,920 --> 01:36:52,920
I got you.

1745
01:36:52,920 --> 01:36:53,920
I'm a former firefighter.

1746
01:36:53,920 --> 01:36:55,520
Like I would have still helped to do CPR.

1747
01:36:55,520 --> 01:36:58,520
I would have still helped to save that guy's life because I still feel that sense of duty

1748
01:36:58,520 --> 01:37:00,160
and I still believe in it.

1749
01:37:00,160 --> 01:37:02,640
And so I still carry that with me.

1750
01:37:02,640 --> 01:37:07,680
Like I don't believe that if there was a way that I could show up to help, I wouldn't do

1751
01:37:07,680 --> 01:37:11,200
it at this point in my life, no matter what, because it stays with you.

1752
01:37:11,200 --> 01:37:15,560
And so I still wanted to even support in the fire department and be like, hey, man, I'll

1753
01:37:15,560 --> 01:37:16,840
help with the counseling unit.

1754
01:37:16,840 --> 01:37:20,080
Like I don't want to work for the counseling unit, but I would just I could volunteer.

1755
01:37:20,080 --> 01:37:24,080
Like if you guys need support, even though I'm not still a firefighter, like I'll help

1756
01:37:24,080 --> 01:37:25,800
with these guys that might need the help.

1757
01:37:25,800 --> 01:37:26,800
All right, cool, man.

1758
01:37:26,800 --> 01:37:27,800
Yeah, we'll give you a call.

1759
01:37:27,800 --> 01:37:28,800
It's been three years.

1760
01:37:28,800 --> 01:37:30,600
Haven't heard from I'm not going to call him.

1761
01:37:30,600 --> 01:37:33,640
I'm going to it's not it's not it's not for me to do.

1762
01:37:33,640 --> 01:37:40,280
But there's just that continued like I had the intention to still be somebody that would

1763
01:37:40,280 --> 01:37:43,640
be involved in these areas that they didn't want it.

1764
01:37:43,640 --> 01:37:44,640
And that's OK.

1765
01:37:44,640 --> 01:37:45,640
I can't do anything about it.

1766
01:37:45,640 --> 01:37:50,160
And it said in me for a while for you know, and I'll be transparent.

1767
01:37:50,160 --> 01:37:51,680
That really made me sad.

1768
01:37:51,680 --> 01:37:54,960
Like I was not OK with that for a little bit.

1769
01:37:54,960 --> 01:37:59,560
And it was through talking to my girlfriend and changing the perspective and really and

1770
01:37:59,560 --> 01:38:02,440
the biggest thing that helped is now that I became an entrepreneur, I made new friends

1771
01:38:02,440 --> 01:38:05,240
and I built my own community of great people.

1772
01:38:05,240 --> 01:38:09,400
And I made an intentional practice for about two years to actually build a network and

1773
01:38:09,400 --> 01:38:12,700
a circle of people that I can consider friends.

1774
01:38:12,700 --> 01:38:17,280
But to your point, if I didn't do that, maybe because I wasn't an entrepreneurship or whatever

1775
01:38:17,280 --> 01:38:21,120
the case is, I would have had nobody because I lost a bunch of friends when I became a

1776
01:38:21,120 --> 01:38:22,820
firefighter as well.

1777
01:38:22,820 --> 01:38:26,900
Some of them were jealous and some of them were just like, we don't really connect anymore.

1778
01:38:26,900 --> 01:38:32,460
And then leaving the fire department, I lost all the people from the fire department and

1779
01:38:32,460 --> 01:38:34,560
now I had nobody except for my girlfriend.

1780
01:38:34,560 --> 01:38:37,320
And then I had to figure out who I'm going to become friends with.

1781
01:38:37,320 --> 01:38:43,360
So it's it's really it's really an interesting thing any time you transition, but especially

1782
01:38:43,360 --> 01:38:47,520
in something like this, because if you're somebody who believes that this is deeper

1783
01:38:47,520 --> 01:38:50,000
than the job, that could really mess with your head.

1784
01:38:50,000 --> 01:38:51,240
And it did for me for a little bit.

1785
01:38:51,240 --> 01:38:53,280
I was like I was literally sitting there.

1786
01:38:53,280 --> 01:38:55,400
I was like, I don't get why nobody wants to.

1787
01:38:55,400 --> 01:38:59,880
Like I told this to my girl, I was like, I don't get why nobody wants to be my friend.

1788
01:38:59,880 --> 01:39:04,480
Like I spent time with some of these guys, like a lot of time because we were on the

1789
01:39:04,480 --> 01:39:05,480
same tours all the time.

1790
01:39:05,480 --> 01:39:08,520
I was like, and we just we just don't talk anymore.

1791
01:39:08,520 --> 01:39:10,320
They kind of get it.

1792
01:39:10,320 --> 01:39:13,640
And so, you know, there's that level of acceptance you have to come to.

1793
01:39:13,640 --> 01:39:14,640
It's not easy.

1794
01:39:14,640 --> 01:39:15,640
Absolutely.

1795
01:39:15,640 --> 01:39:19,340
Well, let's talk about what you're doing now for people listening.

1796
01:39:19,340 --> 01:39:22,120
What are the services that you offer?

1797
01:39:22,120 --> 01:39:28,440
So I've created a hybrid that combines therapy, mentoring and coaching on one service.

1798
01:39:28,440 --> 01:39:33,000
And essentially what this is, is it is my attempt to create the service that I needed

1799
01:39:33,000 --> 01:39:35,520
when I was a kid.

1800
01:39:35,520 --> 01:39:40,640
It's I found that therapy is good in its own way and coaching is good in its own way, but

1801
01:39:40,640 --> 01:39:43,180
they also suck in their own way.

1802
01:39:43,180 --> 01:39:49,160
And my biggest mission right now is to impact a billion lives positively and change the

1803
01:39:49,160 --> 01:39:53,240
way the world views how we're getting support and mental health.

1804
01:39:53,240 --> 01:39:59,120
And so my attempt is to create this methodology, my own methodology, because therapy can keep

1805
01:39:59,120 --> 01:40:00,880
people stuck.

1806
01:40:00,880 --> 01:40:04,200
Coaching can stop helping people move forward.

1807
01:40:04,200 --> 01:40:08,620
But I believe if you combine the two, you actually fix what the other one's lacking

1808
01:40:08,620 --> 01:40:10,780
by utilizing the other service.

1809
01:40:10,780 --> 01:40:14,900
So I've been working really hard on perfecting this and a lot of it comes back to these aspects

1810
01:40:14,900 --> 01:40:18,960
of what we were talking about before, identity, self mastery, and just giving you the tools

1811
01:40:18,960 --> 01:40:22,880
to empower yourself to live the life that you believe you could be living if you're

1812
01:40:22,880 --> 01:40:26,120
willing to take those steps and really invest in yourself, because that's what it comes

1813
01:40:26,120 --> 01:40:27,680
down to.

1814
01:40:27,680 --> 01:40:31,440
I often have to tell people because I believe this is so important.

1815
01:40:31,440 --> 01:40:34,400
And even if it's not for me, for any of you listening who might have a therapist or a

1816
01:40:34,400 --> 01:40:39,120
coach and feel like you're not getting a ton out of it, you have to evaluate is it you

1817
01:40:39,120 --> 01:40:42,040
or is it them or is it both of you?

1818
01:40:42,040 --> 01:40:45,360
But the biggest thing that I think is that a lot of the times when we get a therapist

1819
01:40:45,360 --> 01:40:48,740
or a coach or even a mentor, we think that they're going to make the biggest difference

1820
01:40:48,740 --> 01:40:53,000
in our lives because the fact that we're paying for it or we're showing up.

1821
01:40:53,000 --> 01:40:57,780
But the reality is that I'm not here to change your life.

1822
01:40:57,780 --> 01:41:01,160
I'm here to facilitate a space for change to occur.

1823
01:41:01,160 --> 01:41:04,860
But what you do in that space is entirely up to you.

1824
01:41:04,860 --> 01:41:13,700
And so I really promote like be mindful, be intentional, give yourself the best and show

1825
01:41:13,700 --> 01:41:15,520
up as powerfully as you want.

1826
01:41:15,520 --> 01:41:17,640
Get what you want out of these services.

1827
01:41:17,640 --> 01:41:19,600
The other thing that I do is I'm a speaker.

1828
01:41:19,600 --> 01:41:23,720
If you and everybody else couldn't tell because I talk a lot.

1829
01:41:23,720 --> 01:41:25,160
I am a speaker.

1830
01:41:25,160 --> 01:41:28,800
I enjoy going up on stage, sharing my story, sharing some lessons.

1831
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I talk to, I guess, at events or companies, organizations, anyone who could use some practical

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01:41:35,120 --> 01:41:41,320
steps for personal development, leadership, communication, self mastery.

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01:41:41,320 --> 01:41:44,000
And I have a few other businesses, but those are kind of just for funsies.

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I think this is the most important one to me.

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Brilliant.

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01:41:47,840 --> 01:41:50,320
And where can people find you online?

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01:41:50,320 --> 01:41:53,520
You can check out my socials, which I'm not super active on.

1838
01:41:53,520 --> 01:41:54,520
They still have stuff.

1839
01:41:54,520 --> 01:41:57,640
And don't worry, I'm going to have a program schedule post.

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01:41:57,640 --> 01:42:04,120
But you can check me out at Vin dot Infante on Instagram, Vin Infante on TikTok or LinkedIn

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01:42:04,120 --> 01:42:05,680
or Twitter.

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01:42:05,680 --> 01:42:09,880
And you can find my website at www.vincentinfante.life.

1843
01:42:09,880 --> 01:42:11,880
And there's some free resources on there.

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01:42:11,880 --> 01:42:13,640
If you'd love to check them out.

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01:42:13,640 --> 01:42:16,360
There's a mission board, which is a free download.

1846
01:42:16,360 --> 01:42:19,440
It'll help you basically create the trajectory of your life.

1847
01:42:19,440 --> 01:42:20,760
It's like a vision board, but better.

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01:42:20,760 --> 01:42:21,760
I made it.

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01:42:21,760 --> 01:42:22,920
There's a newsletter.

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01:42:22,920 --> 01:42:24,240
It's free.

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01:42:24,240 --> 01:42:25,680
I put it out twice a month.

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01:42:25,680 --> 01:42:27,240
It's all about personal development.

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01:42:27,240 --> 01:42:30,680
And if you like some of the stuff you heard here today, that's in the newsletter.

1854
01:42:30,680 --> 01:42:33,680
And then for anybody who's really curious about diving deeper, you can always book a

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01:42:33,680 --> 01:42:37,480
free call and just have a conversation and see if it goes anywhere or not.

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I'm always just a fan of providing value.

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01:42:39,240 --> 01:42:42,480
And I would invite anybody who's super curious to book.

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01:42:42,480 --> 01:42:43,480
Beautiful.

1859
01:42:43,480 --> 01:42:45,680
Well, Ben, I want to say thank you.

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It's been a really unique perspective, basically coming through the world of counseling.

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01:42:50,400 --> 01:42:55,160
And then you're going to entry and exit at the fire service and then the entrepreneurial

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01:42:55,160 --> 01:42:56,160
side.

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01:42:56,160 --> 01:42:59,760
So I want to thank you so much for being so generous with your time and coming on the

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01:42:59,760 --> 01:43:01,880
Behind the Shield podcast today.

1865
01:43:01,880 --> 01:43:02,880
That's been great, James.

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01:43:02,880 --> 01:43:05,120
Thanks for having me and for being such an awesome host.

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01:43:05,120 --> 01:43:16,560
And I hope the listeners got tons of value out of today.