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I'm extremely excited to announce a brand new sponsor for the Behind the Shield podcast

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that is Transcend.

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Now for many of you listening, you are probably working the same brutal shifts that I did

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for 14 years.

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Suffering from sleep deprivation, body composition challenges, mental health challenges, libido,

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hair loss, etc.

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Now when it comes to the world of hormone replacement and peptide therapy, what I have

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seen is a shift from doctors telling us that we were within normal limits, which was definitely

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incorrect all the way to the other way now where men's clinics are popping up left, right

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and center.

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So I myself wanted to find a reputable company that would do an analysis of my physiology

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and then offer supplementations without ramming, for example, hormone replacement therapy down

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my throat.

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Now I came across Transcend because they have an altruistic arm and they were a big reason

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why the 7X project I was a part of was able to proceed because of their generous donations.

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They also have the Transcend foundations where they are actually putting military and first

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responders through some of their therapies at no cost to the individual.

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So my own personal journey so far filled in the online form, went to Quest, got blood

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drawn and a few days later I'm talking to one of their wellness professionals as they

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guide me through my results and the supplementation that they suggest.

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In my case specifically, because I transitioned out the fire service five years ago and been

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very diligent with my health, my testosterone was actually in a good place.

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So I went down the peptide route and some other supplements to try and maximize my physiology

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knowing full well the damage that 14 years of shift work has done.

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Now I also want to underline because I think this is very important that each of the therapies

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they offer, they will talk about the pros and cons.

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So for example, a lot of first responders in shift work, our testosterone will be low,

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but sometimes nutrition, exercise and sleep can offset that on its own.

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So this company is not going to try and push you down a path, especially if it's one that

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you can't come back from.

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So whether it's libido, brain fog, inflammation, gut health, performance, sleep, this is definitely

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one of the most powerful tools in the toolbox.

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So to learn more, go to transcendcompany.com or listen to episode 808 of the Behind the

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Shield podcast with founder Ernie Colling.

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This episode is sponsored by a company I've used for well over a decade and that is 511.

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I wore their uniforms back in Anaheim, California and have used their products ever since.

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From their incredibly strong yet light footwear to their cut uniforms for both male and female

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responders, I found them hands down the best workwear in all the departments that I've

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worked for.

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Outside of the fire service, I use their luggage for everything and I travel a lot and they

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are also now sponsoring the 7X team as we embark around the world on the Human Performance

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project.

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We have Murph coming up in May and again I bought their plate carrier.

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I ended up buying real ballistic plates rather than the fake weight plates and that has been

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my ride or die through Murph the last few years as well.

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One area I want to talk about that I haven't in previous sponsorship spots is their brick

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and mortar element.

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They were predominantly an online company up till more recently but now they are approaching

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100 stores all over the US.

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My local store is here in Gainesville Florida and I've been multiple times and the discounts

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you see online are applied also in the stores.

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So as I mentioned 511 is offering you 15% off every purchase that you make but I do

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want to say more often than not they have an even deeper discount especially around

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holiday times.

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But if you use the code SHIELD15 you will get 15% off your order or in the stores every

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time you make a purchase.

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And if you want to hear more about 511, who they stand for and who works with them, listen

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to episode 580 of Behind the Shield podcast with 511 regional director Will Ayres.

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Welcome to the Behind the Shield podcast as always my name is James Gearing and this week

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it is my absolute honor to welcome back onto the show psychologist and author Dr. Ken Druck.

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Now in this second conversation we discuss a host of topics from his new book How We

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Go On, Grief in the Stages of Life, Mental Health in Our Children, Aging, Trauma in Gaza

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and so much more.

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Now before he gets this incredibly powerful and important conversation as I say every

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week please just take a moment, go to whichever app you listen to this on, subscribe to the

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show, leave feedback and leave a rating.

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Every single 5 star rating truly does elevate this podcast therefore making it easier for

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others to find and this is a free library of over 900 episodes now.

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So all I ask in return is that you help share these incredible men and women stories so

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I can get them to every single person on planet earth who needs to hear them.

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So with that being said I welcome back onto the show Dr. Ken Druck.

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Enjoy.

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Ken I want to start by welcoming you back to the Behind the Shield podcast.

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We spoke pretty much a year ago now and as we were talking before we hit record the world

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has continued to exhibit many many problems I would argue a lot of mental health problems

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but so we got a lot of things still interesting things to talk about but I want to start by

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welcoming you back onto the Behind the Shield podcast.

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Thank you again for being generously inviting me to into your living room and to meet with

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all the good people that are following this incredible podcast.

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So I want to start we were just talking a moment ago and it's funny because it kind

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of made me think about the latest t-shirt that I made for the podcast.

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Every so often I just make a single design and then when they're all gone they're gone

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but the last couple were about kind of ownership, lives depend on you that kind of thing and

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then the last time I had this thought that just popped in my head and the writing on

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the back says self-care and sabotage and you literally used some of that verbiage a second

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ago the reason I made this and it's got it's like a heart with a grenade pin in it as a

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design is exactly that I've witnessed myself play this this this seesaw my whole life and

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there's times where I'm not drinking and I'm hydrating and I'm meditating and doing all

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the things and there's other times where you know I'm just crashing and burning for a while

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so I would love you know just while we're on this subject talk to me about that tug

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of war of the self-care side and the sabotage.

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You know years ago James I began to you know understand that I knew what to do it's like

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I don't need another lecture on self-care you know I know what to do I know to hydrate

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it like just like what you were saying I just don't do it or I've got things operating inside

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of me that kind of sabotage it's like no I'm not going to do that and I discovered that

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I have an oppositional defiant voice in me because I work really hard during the day

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and that voice in me comes out and says at the end of the day you know go ahead you go

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ahead to the freezer and visit Ben and Jerry they love you unconditionally they've never

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said no to you you eat as much as you want of that sweet stuff you know or you do this

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so you can drink as much or you can do whatever but it was kind of an oppositional defiant

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a saboteur a part of me that knows what the right thing to do is but doesn't do it because

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I because that's the way I've learned how to thank myself appreciate myself rest myself

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reward myself is through emotional eating or emotional drinking or emotional whatever

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it is sex pick pick your favorite sex drugs rock and roll so I started really drilling

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down to what what what about the part of me that does emotional eating that suffers the

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consequence of too much what about my knees that hurt when I when I start getting putting

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on too many pounds what about my heart what about the part of me that wants to be a grandpa

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of two beautiful grandsons and I don't want to be the dead grandpa you know some of us

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have had we got the ground oh where's grandpa grandpa died because grandpa didn't take care

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of himself I don't want to be the dead grandpa or the grandpa in the chair who can't get

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up out of the chair and go and play with the kids and kick a soccer ball or whatever it

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is so for me I started getting grounded and what do I want the good what's the good result

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so that I can rebalance the oppositional the cop oppositional part of me with the part

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of me that has to suffer the consequences that doesn't that doesn't hold that high

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enough as a goal that I'm not going to be the dead grandpa or I'm not going to be the

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person who's exhausted burned out depleted whose neurotransmitters are singed at every

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edge who's burning the candle at both how do I understand that I can I have the power

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I have the ability and I have the time and the motivation to take better care of myself

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how do I get there and that's that's what I did and I showed you before that to anybody

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I'm you know I love and honor and appreciate all responders and people who like me have

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devoted a great part of their life and I wrote the self-care handbook and I will take anybody

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goes to my website and get a free copy of that all you gotta do is tell me you know

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I saw a can on you know behind the shield and I heard about the offer all I gotta do

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is tell you that I want it and you'll send it to me anyhow so the self-care saboteurs

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are the things we need to get a handle on that's what I did I said what do I do what

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are my self-care saboteurs so in this book which I think you guys will have fun with

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and by the way I have no need to sell this but I'm just sharing it with you if there

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are the the keys to mastering self-care but there's also the saboteurs here are the saboteurs

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here are some of them so you know you look at never enough perfectionism or the idea

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that we're feelings of undeservedness or unworthiness or when we allow guilt shame fear embarrassment

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to shut us down from doing what we need to do for ourselves or the feeling that we're

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taking food out of somebody else's mouth or we're not we're crapping out or copping out

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you know being or we're with we're in an abusive relationship with a partner or a co-worker

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or a boss who insists that we leave nothing for ourselves and doesn't understand that

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longevity health and our best possible performance comes from balancing rest and activity balancing

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self-care with hard work and so on so I started confronting all these saboteurs and the result

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is that I'm taking better care of myself so we have a choice we can either wait until

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there's a crisis we go in for our annual physical and somebody says you've got a life threatening

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illness or our partner says I can't go on this way or we reach an existential crisis

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or some kind of a change in our life and we can wait until the moment of crisis where

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we have to do something different to take care of ourselves or we can be proactive we

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can create a clear vision of what it is what the good result is that we want in our life

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and begin to align our behavior the way we think the way we act with that good result

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to get it because we deserve it.

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I read a book called the war of art by Stephen Pressfield a while ago I'm writing a second

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book at the moment and it's been extremely hard because the first one was a non-fiction

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this is a fiction now and he talks about the resistance and I thought it was such an incredible

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kind of perspective that when you're feeling that resistance that's because what you're

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trying to do is very important and then I was just talking to someone yesterday when

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an interview and it kind of dawned on me well does that apply in other areas too you know

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is there you know that kind of resistance to the health to the exercise for some people

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because unbeknownst to them it's actually really important and that's where that pushback

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is coming from from a psychological perspective what's your thoughts on that?

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Well there's a continuum on one extreme is complete avoidance we spend our lives trying

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to hide deny repress avoid dumb down numb out really and go into denial and avoidance

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and we just try to skip around every challenge every adversity every loss every what now

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moment in our lives we all all of us and everybody we know is going through some kind of a what

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now moment or what if moment whether we meet that moment in our lives or whether we live

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in avoidance and the avoidance that I was talking about or whether we meet it defines

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the quality of our lives quality of our health the quality of our relationships and our character

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the quality of our character whether we're living in integrity or we're so completely

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out of alignment because we're not living in the truth of the way things really are

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and the way things really work we're not using what we know we're so we're so fearful so

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we have we have the choice in every moment of life we have in every day of life we have

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the choice to meet those what now moments and the what now moment could be it could

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be that we've suffered a loss it could be what now because I'm working in a job I'm

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doing work that is depleting me I don't wake up looking forward to life or what now moment

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might be something we're afraid to bring up in our relationship because you know it

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could open a can of worms so we we avoid it it's that courageous conversation that we've

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been avoiding with our partner that if only we could have that and take ownership for

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our part not to sit there and blame it's like you know I've got to talk to you here are

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10 things you're doing wrong and here's here's the way you're not making me happy and it's

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your fault you know no I want to start the conversation with I'm feeling scared or I'm

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feeling cheated or I'm feeling lost or confused or uncertain or unloved or undervalued or

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whatever it is whatever you need to say is the feeling and then to say here's my part

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in it I don't talk to you I don't bring it up to you I'm even scared to talk to you about

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it now because I'm afraid that it's going to unleash a whole bunch of complaints and

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concerns and you know problems with you and I'm going to get punished for having brought

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it up I'm just gonna you're gonna hijack my transparency my disclosure and into a whole

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bunch of complaints that you've had that you haven't shared with me so I think it's important

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to be able to meet whatever kind of moment our life is presenting us on whatever track

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and to do so courageously life asks us to summon newfound courage you know you think

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back who's the who's the guy who did some of the things that I've done in the past who

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had the bravery to do some of the things where did he find that well he he brought it up

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from within himself or herself they summoned the courage the strength the bravery to meet

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that what now moment and to train themselves how to do that and life continues to bring

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up all kinds of new opportunities and new eyes you get older there's the what now moment

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like when when did this happen I turned 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 or 80 or 90 you know what

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now I'm realizing that life is a lease deal so I'm going through this existential angst

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that my god my god life is going to end one day that really happens it's like okay there's

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a what now moment am I going to meet that moment or am I going to learn to run like

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hell from that moment am I going to summon the strength the courage to think about how

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life does go on and how I'm going to live vibrant beautiful visionary joyful purposeful

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meaningful years right up until my ride is over so I think we have a choice we don't

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get to choose some things about this life the way this life unfolds but we do get to

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have the choice about whether we're going to be the person who meets summons the courage

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and the faith and the strength and the humility and the honesty to meet the moments of our

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lives whatever they are whatever they are and we all have they're different for each

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one of us might even be dealing with something in the past the what now moment might be what

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about then what about what happened how can I repair how can I apologize how can I make

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amends how can I ask for forgiveness how can I give forgiveness so it's life presents us

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with unlimited opportunities to show up so your new book how we go on you know you have

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it kind of segmented almost through the lifelines you just talked about the the finite age of

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a human being in our last conversation which for everyone was episode 750 so three quarters

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of the way to a thousand you know we talked about a host of issues I mean obviously losing

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your daughter tragically at 21 years old and then your grief as a parent and how that led

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you down this path now and we talked about some of the school shootings in 9-11 and the

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ripple effects of those there's been a realization it was literally something that a guest of

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Joe Rogan said like on the fly I think Joe talked about it was Big Pharma or whatever

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the thing was and this this gentleman had said they're hurting too I had never thought

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of it that way we struggle to understand why the heads of you know Oxycontin you know Purdue

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Pharma or tobacco companies or fast food or politicians or some of these frivolous lawsuit

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lawyers whoever it is don't get you know don't feel and as we've progressed through with

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the mental health conversation you understand how distorted the brain gets sometimes which

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then leads people into suicidal ideation possibly even homicidal ideation to me it seems like

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that's a big missing piece of this whole conversation is I really believe there's a lot of mental

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ill health in politics in you know because how could a compassionate human being go to

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sleep at night knowing that they just sent a bunch of people off to war or that their

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pain pills are killing people in you know West Virginia so what is your perspective

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of that because I've never really heard that talked about this is one comment on this one

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interview but the the mental health crisis extending to the very people that are supposed

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to be leaders and in all these different fields I think some of the ways we model good mental

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health or bad mental health are all over the place you have people instead of owning up

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to their part and what's not working the way it needs to you have people casting blame

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forming conspiracies you know pointing out in as many ways as possible how somebody else

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is responsible for the problem and that sets up the polarization so you have people you

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have a country that is splintered in half in the US you have two sides there's no there's

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there are very few people in dialogue you know even with what's going on right now in

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the Middle East I've been working with organizations that have been bringing together Israeli and

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Palestinian families for 30 years they've been working hard they've humanized to one

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another they haven't objectified those Palestinians those Israelis those Jews those Muslims they've

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humanized they found the common ground on which they love all love their families on

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which they don't want to use they don't want to recycle the hatred the objectification

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that what they are doing to honor their losses and what they've been through and the trauma

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they've suffered is to prevent one other family from having to suffer the way their family

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has because of a loss because of the hatred because of the violence because they objectified

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and what you find unfortunately and you find it I'm just going to be honest with you disproportionately

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on one side of the ledger in the US you find somebody who has severe mental health issues

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who I've known for over 55 years who is leading the band who has set the tone and you have

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a lot of people who are extremely suggestible believing that that's the way to be a man

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that's the way to run a country that's the way to hand to solve our problems and it's

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tragic because it's led us down a dark and dangerous path so you have somebody with very

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questionable mental health very questionable mental health setting the tone and being an

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example where so our kids we want our kids to follow that somebody who is into name calling

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somebody who is into that kind of blame condemnation objectification you know who who assassinates

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people's character who's not honest about his own who's corrupt and not honest about

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his own life so I think that has sent set a dangerous precedent and then I think we

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also have we look for we live in a quick fix world we don't understand that some mental

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health issues it's like grief we you and I talked about grief and loss at the last time

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and I told you how I teach grief literacy I teach young psychiatrists at the University

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California San Diego I've taught grief literacy at the Harvard School of Public Health I give

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talks lectures all over the world about grief and loss which is something all of us go through

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and instead of trying to deny and and quick fix a have you gotten over it instead of doing

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the things that perpetuate the pain that prolong the pain and the suffering of a loss instead

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of giving the people we care about the support and understanding that they need and the time

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in a judgment free zone we want to know are you over it you gotten over it we want to

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give them quick fix solutions well you know she's in a better place you know and you let's

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do the spiritual bypass and instead of being with people we try to figure it out and fix

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them quick because grief is messy business well mental health is also messy business

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so we want people who are depressed or anxious or suffered trauma to get over it what's your

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problem been a year it's been five years it's been ten years how come you're not getting

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over it hasn't what's wrong with your operating system you know so-and-so got over it what's

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your problem we diminish people we conduct a courtroom exercise with only an admonishing

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prosecutor no defense attorney no voice and that the core of this new book James which

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I think you're gonna love is take your foot off of your throat and put your hand on your

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heart when your foot is on your throat it's pressure it's impatience it's harsh self

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criticism it's condemnation it's blame it's denial if you're living by talking telling

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yourself things talk to yourself it's like what's what's my problem look at me what an

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idiot I am how could I have missed that or what are you wrong how come I can't get over

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it catch yourself here and move that hand down to your heart because when we speak to

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ourselves with self with compassion it's like how could I not feel that way how could I

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not continue to miss my daughter it's been 27 years since she died the critical part

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of me would say what the hell is your problem it's been 27 years but the heart doesn't

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know from years the heart doesn't measure love in years or yearning or missing or grief

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so it's how could I not when I see a young girl with her hair or when I one of her friends

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calls me to tell me she had a kid or she's now the vice president of her company and

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how could I not feel like my daughter's life was lost to her and it was lost to me and

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her sister she you know who who thinks about who tells her kids stories about their aunt

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who died you know how could we not so compassion patience the hand on our heart is patience

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it says you know this takes this is taking as long as it takes and if there's something

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I can do to help myself heal I need to do it it's not going to happen by magic there's

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no quick fix it's not going to happen by shaming myself beating the crap out of myself

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or listening to somebody on the radio or TV who's telling me I need to get over it that

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there's some quick fix I'm just not using it they're the expert so moving that simple

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change from talking to ourselves and treating ourselves instead of doing it with pressure

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harsh self-criticism condemnation with kindness patience understanding support encouragement

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love forgiveness understanding more than anything this is what I'm going through how could I

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not be feeling this and what because that leads to the creative solutions somebody's

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got a gun to our head how can we be thinking about what we can do to help ourselves we're

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so busy beating the crap out of ourselves but we can't say all right let's do some good

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things to help ourselves let's let's ask you know the least utilized word in the male vocabulary

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starts with an h it's the word help how can I get the help that I need it's okay to get

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the help I don't need to shame myself or belittle you know what help is a good thing there are

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people who have great tools and abilities and understanding that I'm not able to give myself

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yet it's okay to get to look to them for support and resources and tools until I learn how

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to care for myself in this way it's okay to read a book it's okay to listen to a great

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podcast like this one where somebody's providing all all the possible tools and reason why

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we can heal and help ourselves we can clear the path forward to our best possible future

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rather than living stuck living in suffering living in despair living in the dark night

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you hit on you know an unnamed person but this is uh this is something that I've observed

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as well you know the the thing that's missing from any campaign apart from what they actually

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stand for is kindness and compassion and community and pulling people together not forcing them

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apart when you look at the system because I mean I have been you know discussed it certainly

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in the last eight plus years of who we've been presented and out of 330 million people

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we keep hearing the lesser of two evils well that should never happen when you have such

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a large pool to choose from but when you look at the kind of human being that would thrive

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in a selection process where you firstly have to be a millionaire or billionaire and secondly

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the lobbyists are going to fund your campaign and then there's you know in return you're

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going to do all these favors it's the people without good mental health that are going

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to get through the top of that so one of the things that I've always you know I've been

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talking about is it's not about politics we're all Americans and then there's been this division

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and just like you said and yet when you talk to most people 80 plus percent of us are actually

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in the middle we just kind of been pulled one way or another but most people want the

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same exact thing so what is your perspective of the way that we choose these people and

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what can we do I mean I want to get to the ownership of the individual but while we're

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talking about this what does that need to look like so the real good human beings are

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good leaders of the US can actually succeed in a selection process yeah you know many

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of us have lived in families where there was somebody like the individual we're talking

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about they are unreachable they've got an a loop a narrative looping in their brain

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they are entitled they are arrogant and they are narcissistic and they have no infrastructure

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they have arrogance an inflated sense of themselves a lot of lies a lot of exaggerations because

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they have no infrastructure and when they begin to confront reality the consequences

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of what they've done the people they've hurt in the family the things they've done that

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have gone sideways they free fall into tremendous despair because there's nothing in the middle

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that says hey you can do better than this hey tell the truth hey you have a part in

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this hey apologize hey be responsible leave a legacy of love not one of chaos and division

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so there's nothing in the middle to guide them they are just operating from here up

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there's no soul there's no compassion there's no empathy now some of these people I've known

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you know a little bit about my background I'm from New York I know a lot of these people

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I've known them I've coached some of them and I can tell you that in many of them there's

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an emptiness a toxic emptiness that gets filled in dangerous ways you know it's the emptiness

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of fascism of leaders and we and we can see them Putin is another one the man has no heart

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no soul so there are people and organizations individuals and cultures that have cultivated

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an indifference to the pain of other people and there are people in our own families this

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way and it they are unreachable but it requires us to have the courage first of all to wake

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up some of us have been have drank the Kool-Aid we looked for the quick fix solution the easy

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to blame person we mounted it with the whole narrative in our head is is an interpretation

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we believe it's the truth and it's the furthest thing in the world from the truth the truth

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starts with our own honesty about our own feelings but how scared we are about what's

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happening in our country or how frightening it is to to be to not know what's happening

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as a result of immigration or what's happening as fentanyl comes across the border or what's

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happening you know in in the Middle East or in Ukraine and Russia and all these diet all

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this dialogue all these interpretations what's happening in our own Congress in our own government

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the degree of corruption or distortion or polarization so I think it's up to us to

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have the courage and clarity to get educated about the truth what's the truth here and

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nobody's perfect it's very easy you know we've outed so many things in the last eight

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years as you've said we've outed the degree of racism we have in our culture that we thought

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we were much further down the road on the road of equality of people knowing we're all

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God's children we have outed the fear the terror and the threat that a lot of people

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feel with LGBTQ with people who have different interpretations of their gender and their

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attraction to other people and their biology we've outed anti-semitism

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the hatred we've licensed people to hate Jews let's hate them you know those Jews we've got

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all these narratives they're historical narratives and now we've outed age aged bias that Joe Biden

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you know he doesn't he's slurring his words he's you know in our families some of us dismiss

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the elders in our families because they've slowed down or they slur a word or they tell a story

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twice or three times and here we are and yet they have such a richness and such a depth and such

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experience and good judgment here we are using everything in our power some people are to dismiss

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and marginalize a man who's actually done some great things in the most difficult time in our history

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who's done some good things is he perfect no could we pick him apart if we if that's our agenda

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we could pick any human being apart any human being if we put that microscope on them we can

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find fault we're all a work in progress so for me it starts with waking up out of if we've been

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drinking the Kool-Aid to wake up and get educated and find out what's really going on second to align

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ourselves with and elect and vote for leaders visionary leaders who bring us as you said together

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who have compassion there's room enough there's compassion enough to say people are hurting in

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Israel people are hurting in Gaza people are hurting in America people are hurting in all

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of our cities people of every race every background every religion how can we

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show the kindness that we're learning to treat ourselves with how can we show them the kindness

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the generosity of heart

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the understanding the support because isn't there enough to go around have we really tapped the

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resources to bring stability to create homes for the homeless we haven't begun to tap the resources

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and if we're perpetuate part of the problem because we're acting greedy

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or we've aligned ourselves with people who don't think there's enough to go around

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or to show compassion support and understanding to other people and by the way I'm not saying

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we shouldn't be tough love too damn it let's let's set up healthy boundaries where they need to be

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on the border in our lives and our families with people we have relationships with that are out of

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control that would exploit us and have other agendas agendas other than our own

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well-being let's let's do tough love but let it come from that place of compassion

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strength and understanding well speaking of compassion strength and understanding I just

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had an incredible man on the show Dr. Thayer Ahmad who is a ER physician in Chicago Southside

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and just spent a few weeks in Gaza with a group of manneterians he went over with

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and it was such a beautiful conversation at the beginning he talked about how an Israeli surgeon

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cardiologist had saved his father's life when he was younger and then he talks about when he first

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landed he went to Jerusalem and there were Jews and Muslims and Christians all praying side by

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side and he made the observation that look we can you know coexist here and then he goes to Gaza

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and obviously sees the other side and you know this the systematic

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kind of flattening of the entire area and he's again coming from humanitarian lens and you know

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he talked about the atrocities of October 7th and how those people were victimized

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but the the truth in the middle is innocent people being affected by this so you're talking

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about working this organization for decades kind of what is what has been the push and what is the

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resistance that that group is is receiving from uniting you know the Israelis and Palestinians in

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that area? You're a person who knows a lot about trauma so we we need to talk start the conversation

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by talking about trauma. I've been working with the families and the kids

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whose friends went to a concert

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whose friends were raped and kidnapped

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who knew families and I've also been contacted and been working with some of the kibbutz's where 120

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people were murdered slaughtered where their babies were put in the ovens

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and murdered young children infants the degree of savagery and brutality

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that exceeds some of what was done in the dark ages of human history

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has traumatized a nation that was not able to do anything

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has traumatized a nation that has also that has been fighting for its own existence

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for for history throughout history has created a level of trauma where the idea

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that has to be understood not necessarily how we're going about that business

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hurting killing destroying the lives of innocent people is not the answer

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that collateral damage is not the answer needs to be attended

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re-traumatizing the other side so that now another five generations of kids and their families

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are going to be caught in that vicious cycle of unprocessed grief and violence

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that's the way it recycles indifference objectification of the other person

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indifference to their pain and suffering and trauma and more violence because unprocessed

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grief becomes violence so there are two elements number one that is the

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there are two elements number one the trauma of what happened the savagery

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of what happened the barbaric savagery and the second thing is the kidnapping

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00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:28,680
what perpetuates and and what what i wished there was the strength and maybe it is and

413
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:37,640
it's getting suppressed in gaza of the people saying you kidnapped 130 of their people are still

414
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:44,920
here kidnapped how could they not be doing something what they're doing is hurting us

415
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:51,720
will you please we're compelling you we're forcing you to create peace

416
00:45:53,320 --> 00:46:00,440
to return the hostages because that is the step towards peace if you really care about us

417
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:07,880
and our families and our children and don't want to see more of us die please do something other

418
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:16,120
than holding hostages that's not working for us and of course the israelis have a side

419
00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:25,560
both sides are perpetuating the problem and and both sides need to come together but it's going

420
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:30,520
to be the start of that hopefully this coming weekend there's going to be some very important

421
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:38,680
peace discussion peace deliberations but hopefully both come with the understanding the compassion

422
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:48,280
the empathy and the understanding about the trauma the murderous rage that was rained upon a people

423
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:57,800
what started this and this this this new wave of violence and the fact that it's perpetuated

424
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:01,800
that it's not going to it's being the re-traumatization is happening every day

425
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:08,600
because there are families waiting for their loved ones to come home and now that is perpetuating

426
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:16,600
on the other side the trauma of thousands of people losing family members innocent children

427
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:22,760
members innocent people who only wanted peace you know one of the greatest tragedies in the beginning

428
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:28,040
of all this because you know now that i've been working with a lot of the families in both

429
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:35,480
organizations of palestinian and israeli families and with his with kids who are in israel taking

430
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:42,280
their gap year in high school and with some of the kibbutz the people who were in kibbutz's that were

431
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:50,600
assaulted but what what i think is critically important in in the equation of all this

432
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:58,840
is what what how do we put in front in leadership roles the people who forge peace

433
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:06,200
who are praying together how do we show that how do we portray that in our news media

434
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:11,400
how can we show the organizations that are heartsick there's an organization that's been

435
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:19,320
based in san diego called hands of peace they bring israeli and palestinian kids together every

436
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:25,880
year into san diego for three weeks and they all go home as visionary leaders

437
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:35,240
saying i can't from now on i cannot objectify the israeli kids that are my age i cannot objectify

438
00:48:35,240 --> 00:48:41,160
the palestinian kids that are my age they're human beings with families just like me

439
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:48,040
so how we find that common ground how we elevate leaders who understand it

440
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:57,320
who we vote for how we negotiate who we send into those negotiations is going to be critical to

441
00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:02,920
creating that kind of peace it's a different situation in israel and ukraine because you

442
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:08,920
have somebody who's unreachable you have somebody who is psychotic in my opinion

443
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:17,960
who's operating on an unreachable beyond disordered you know homicidal maniac

444
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:23,960
who's also brilliant like a lot of these leaders they're brilliant at marketing

445
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:31,320
they're brilliant at politicking what they do and selling it and creating a storyline that

446
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:35,160
gains them some degree of popularity and they're brilliant at marketing

447
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:39,400
a storyline that that gains them some degree of popularity

448
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:49,080
there's been many times in history and i know iraq and palestine had a near peace treaty

449
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:53,560
you know a few decades ago and then there was assassination martin with the king assassination

450
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:59,480
jfk assassination um the one of the leaders of the moussa hadin that was bringing everyone together

451
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:06,360
um assassination again talk to me about that it seems like when we do get those the people

452
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:12,200
that we need to be up front more often than not they're removed from society in the most horrible

453
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:18,200
way that's right yep there are those who don't want peace

454
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:26,280
there are those who want to continue the war look there are people in our own families and communities

455
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:36,760
who thrive on chaos and war and division and whether it's whether they they have a religious

456
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:47,160
affiliation with white nationalism whether who knows what what drives it but there are people

457
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:56,440
but there are people in our communities that believe that that is the way to deal with it to

458
00:50:56,440 --> 00:51:06,600
perpetuate the chaos they would be lost in a world of peace their personalities their beliefs their

459
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:14,840
whole what gives life meaning for them is to be victims there's somebody's victims you know there's

460
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:22,600
there's um you know and and what they don't realize when i said sometimes people need to awaken

461
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:32,200
it's because they've become useful idiots now the world's top useful idiot is a man who used to be

462
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:41,160
president most people don't realize that he is the useful idiot of people within our own country

463
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:49,800
people within our own government he's just the he's the the face of it all he's he's Putin's useful

464
00:51:49,800 --> 00:51:53,960
idiot he's the useful idiot of other world leaders

465
00:51:56,040 --> 00:52:03,640
America's useful idiots and those people that follow that track that way of operating in the

466
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:13,720
world that worldview i'm i tragically and i i've been honored enough to meet those who kind of

467
00:52:13,720 --> 00:52:20,120
oh have awakened from the coma who've stopped drinking the kool-aid and say i can't do this

468
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:27,160
anymore i can't follow this track anymore he's finally gone too far because the question i ask

469
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:35,240
because the question i ask is what would have to happen what would have to happen that would get you

470
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:44,760
to see you know maybe what i'm saying is a lie maybe i'm the crazy one maybe i'm the one who's

471
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:50,760
out of touch with reality but what would have to happen and ask me the same question what would

472
00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:58,760
have to happen that would get me to awaken and see that that it's really the other way

473
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:05,160
well i think we need a good leader the problem was the one that followed him was awful in a bunch of

474
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:10,600
different ways i mean you know i've got many many first responder friends that gave everything at

475
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:15,400
the beginning of covid and then were terminated because of vaccine requirements you know a year

476
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:21,480
later you know what i mean no one stood behind them so again i saw i saw that uh that cleaving

477
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:27,480
you know continue it had a different color tie absolutely but that division was still perpetuated

478
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:34,360
with with the one that we have at the moment as well with without an apology to say i might have

479
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:41,880
been mistaken as many leaders have i you know there are some wonderful visionary leaders in our country

480
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:49,160
they're younger they're they understand they they know when to apologize for a mistake

481
00:53:49,720 --> 00:53:58,040
or a misjudgment they would say to all the responders looking back at what happened and

482
00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:06,040
how we handled it boy there were there were some options we didn't exercise and and we owe you not

483
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:15,960
an appellate not only an apology but an opportunity to pay but pay you back for what you lost if if

484
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:26,040
that's at all possible so you know there there are there are humble having humility having a leader

485
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:32,600
with humility in the capacity or a family member for that matter who shows humility and the capacity

486
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:40,040
to apologize or to admit a mistake or to say my part in you know my the good parts that i feel

487
00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:45,960
proud of were here but the parts that i don't feel proud of and that i'm questioning how i handle that

488
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:52,840
situation are here and that's that's what a good visionary leader is it's somebody with the ability

489
00:54:52,840 --> 00:55:01,400
to self-correct the ability to admit a mistake the ability to try to make it up you know because

490
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:08,040
sometimes an apology isn't enough sometimes you know i and i'm sorry is it's nice but it's not

491
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:16,040
enough it's i'm sorry how could i make it up to you i'd like to do something that would show you

492
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:24,680
my desire from my remorse my understanding of what this cost you how could what could i do that could

493
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:31,480
begin to make it up to you because if it's possible i'll do it and and that's that's what heals our

494
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:39,080
relationships and our families our marriages with our kids with our parents our aging parents

495
00:55:41,240 --> 00:55:48,440
and in our communities it's people who come to the table in in the spirit of collaboration

496
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:58,120
reconciliation peace and are ready to let's let's build this country back strong together

497
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:04,440
it's going to take both of us let's build it together a couple of years ago i started a

498
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:08,760
a book i didn't finish it was called unlikely friendships

499
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:16,200
because i have several friends i disagree with them vehemently politically we disagree you know

500
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:21,960
they they see it completely different we we have a lot of common ground a lot of things we both

501
00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:28,440
believe in and support and and and uh but there are a lot of things we disagree and i call those

502
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:34,360
unlikely friendships but we learn from each other we have an agreement don't send me anything to

503
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:40,440
try to tell me i'm wrong to beat me up and to tell me you know but if there's something that

504
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:46,440
if there's something that would illuminate my understanding of some of the things we've talked

505
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:54,040
about and it's given in good faith then please send it to me and i'll i'll read it and i'll be

506
00:56:54,040 --> 00:57:00,680
grateful and that that's the condition under which we conduct our unlikely friendship we need more

507
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:06,920
unlikely friendships yeah we all work we're all it's going to happen with all of us working together

508
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:13,320
absolutely well you talked about humility as well i think that's a that's a huge piece that's missing

509
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:17,400
in and i'm not talking even at the national level it could be at the you know the fire department

510
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:23,640
level at the officer of just an engine or the actual department but it takes a lot of courage

511
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:30,040
to be humble i think and it takes even more courage to say as you just touched on you know what i was

512
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:34,600
wrong and it's insanity because you think about the political landscape people use the words

513
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:39,400
wishy-washy and you know they go back to something that someone said 20 years ago well i started

514
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:44,760
this podcast only seven years ago i think completely different now after you know 900

515
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:50,040
conversations than i did back then so there's lots of times where i've gone back and gone oh wow i

516
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:54,280
didn't you know that was that was wrong the way you used to talk about that we didn't know and i

517
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:58,920
like that term as well they did the best with what they had that's what we got to remember as well

518
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:05,880
but to just put you know just say i've changed my mind that is a superpower but it's it's almost

519
00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:10,440
like there's so much fear around that because people look at that as like oh well then you

520
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:16,520
don't know how you think yes you do it's okay it's a metamorphosis when you were six you weren't

521
00:58:16,520 --> 00:58:22,040
having geopolitical conversations or you know doing whatever it is that your specialty is in

522
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:27,240
your occupation now we constantly evolve and i think that humility piece which you know is

523
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:32,040
humility piece which goes completely against obviously narcissism which is what we normally

524
00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:39,480
find you know at the helm these days it's the humility that is so important we're so quick to

525
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:49,000
condemn we're all works in progress we're all it's so easy to condemn i i have to tell you a quick

526
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:58,120
a quick story that that really lights that issue up so last year my wife said you know i she's had

527
00:58:58,120 --> 00:59:06,440
this bucket list issue she says i want to go see the mountain gorillas in rwanda okay we're going

528
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:13,080
to go see the mountain gorillas in rwanda we go to rwanda which is a place where there was genocide

529
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:20,920
25 30 years ago you've never seen a more transformed country in your life really clean

530
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:31,480
they devote one day a month the whole country picks up any piece of trash paper cans and there's

531
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:39,960
nothing on the streets it's impeccably clean they've they have really transformed their country

532
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:46,520
there are green fields of crops growing everywhere there's peace everywhere people understand that

533
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:53,480
it's changed and so i went up i did the first day i hiked to 11 000 feet in the rain

534
00:59:54,760 --> 01:00:02,120
i saw the gorillas i had an incredible experience we had two days booked my wife was going to go up

535
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:09,320
the second day and i said you know what you go i'm going to go on an adventure and so i went

536
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:17,000
with the guide another one of the guides i really like i said take me up i heard about this group

537
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:23,080
that lives up at 10 000 feet called the gorilla guardians

538
01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:27,960
i want you to take me up because i want to meet them

539
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:39,640
meet them poaching generations of poachers families they have gone from generation to

540
01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:45,160
generation to generation poaching gorillas because that's the way they survived

541
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:55,000
have now formed a group there are now dozens of gorilla families on the mountainside

542
01:00:55,000 --> 01:01:00,680
because these guys have said instead of poaching the gorillas we're going to protect them

543
01:01:02,760 --> 01:01:08,520
even though my family has done this for generations my family has believed

544
01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:15,400
and been able to justify that doing this was the way to survive take care of your family

545
01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:18,440
we've turned it around now they protect the gorillas

546
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:23,960
now they protect the gorillas i walked into this village

547
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:32,200
i was introduced to the leader through a translator and i walked directly up to the leader

548
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:36,680
and i pointed and i said i am here to honor you

549
01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:48,280
my wife is on the mountain right now fulfilling a lifelong dream to see the gorillas

550
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:53,000
the mountain gorillas in their own element because of you

551
01:01:55,400 --> 01:02:01,880
because of what you've done and i we are enjoying your beautiful country

552
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:08,840
because of you and what you've done and what you've turned around so i am here to honor you and to

553
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:18,680
thank you this was all translated to him all the men started gathering around at the time

554
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:21,480
what did they start doing they started singing and dancing

555
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:30,920
and i started singing and dancing with them here i am in the mountaintop singing and dancing with

556
01:02:30,920 --> 01:02:39,160
the gorilla guardians rejoicing in a change that they were willing to make

557
01:02:41,560 --> 01:02:49,880
and honoring them instead of condemning them honoring them and it gave me a clear sense of

558
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:52,760
that we need to do more honoring in this life

559
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:58,280
that is amazing we need to learn a lot more about what it means to honor those people

560
01:02:58,280 --> 01:03:06,280
who are beginning to open their eyes to another possibility that perpetuates life

561
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:13,800
not death not violence peace

562
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:19,960
allowing a species to to not become extinct

563
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:28,520
and giving people a chance a different way to feel prosperous and to take care of their families

564
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:33,080
and that needs to happen everywhere in all different kinds of expressions

565
01:03:34,200 --> 01:03:38,520
but we have it within us to forge peace

566
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:47,080
we have it within us to show that we can do more

567
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:55,000
we have it within us to show perhaps the greatest gift we can give each other as human beings

568
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,720
that is the gift of feeling understood

569
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:04,120
and you look into somebody's eyes and you say you really get it i just said something you not only

570
01:04:04,120 --> 01:04:11,320
listened you really get it the experience of feeling understood and met

571
01:04:11,320 --> 01:04:21,480
is the basis the foundation for peace for coexistence for for resolving our differences

572
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:27,480
it's not blaming condemning beating up

573
01:04:29,480 --> 01:04:38,200
judging excluding othering all those other things which unfortunately are being perpetuated

574
01:04:38,200 --> 01:04:45,160
by people who are reckless and greedy

575
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:53,160
because all they want is their own power and domination over matters and they believe that's

576
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:58,200
they play to the to the people who who are afraid

577
01:04:59,800 --> 01:05:06,120
so we need to summon the courage to not be afraid and to venture on that path of peace

578
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:16,520
that path forward of peace not of war and conflict and self-righteousness

579
01:05:18,040 --> 01:05:24,280
or imposing our beliefs about what this life is and how it all works

580
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:30,760
i'm so glad that you told that story that is incredible i remember seeing the the film hotel

581
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:37,000
rwanda and it was just such a you know horrendous horrendous time were you able to find out

582
01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:44,280
what changed because i know it was tribal wasn't it so leader leadership leadership

583
01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:53,400
visionary leader and again this leader didn't do everything right talk about tough love there was

584
01:05:53,400 --> 01:06:01,080
a lot of tough love there were consequences for people who were perpetuating misinformation

585
01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:10,040
corruption greed were not taking care of the people of the country who are hoarding it all

586
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:12,840
the oligarchs

587
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:20,200
and the leadership said this is my vision for what's possible

588
01:06:20,200 --> 01:06:27,720
let's create a safe prosperous nation where people are getting along together and those people

589
01:06:27,720 --> 01:06:32,840
who don't want to live by those rules will have will meet consequences

590
01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:37,320
they will be invited to go play somewhere else

591
01:06:37,320 --> 01:06:43,880
so i i love

592
01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:53,320
the idea of a visionary leader who has a clear positive picture and creates the opportunity

593
01:06:55,080 --> 01:07:01,720
and and also creates a clear sense of consequences for people who are going to try to undermine it's

594
01:07:01,720 --> 01:07:09,320
not a dictatorship it's not an autocracy it's just saying here's here are the rules we're going to

595
01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:13,320
play by here's how this works and here's how it doesn't work

596
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:24,680
have you ever been to haiti yes so i haven't been to haiti i will say not at the actual real haiti

597
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:30,840
but um we cruise quite a lot because we're in florida and uh there is a port labadee which i

598
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:39,320
think is a kind of an outcropping of of haiti yeah i have never seen such a beautiful part of the

599
01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:43,400
world i mean obviously there's beauty in different ways but i mean if if you talk about island

600
01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:50,200
beauty that labadee section is it and it breaks my heart and i work with um the

601
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:54,760
haitian guys when i first moved to the u.s and was working in miami and they would talk about you

602
01:07:54,760 --> 01:08:02,120
know baby doc and pop a doc and you know all the the corruption but it's so sad because they just

603
01:08:02,520 --> 01:08:07,160
industry i mean just tourism alone just even if it was just cruise ship you know what i mean

604
01:08:07,800 --> 01:08:14,520
there's the potential for that that island to thrive and it's so heartbreaking to see this on

605
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:20,200
the planet yes yeah so so talk to me about that because again you know that if i'm not if i'm

606
01:08:20,200 --> 01:08:23,880
understanding it right there's basically no leadership there at all it's kind of chaos so

607
01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:28,680
what have you seen through that lens with that island because that seems like a place that could

608
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:35,640
really learn from wanda for example yeah i i haven't been to haiti in many many years

609
01:08:35,640 --> 01:08:45,800
and i see the same heartbreaking stories of corruption and violence and suffering and poverty

610
01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:58,600
it's heartbreaking the leadership the absence of leadership and like you said the people who try

611
01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:07,160
to rise up as leaders who are assassinated who are killed who are threatened who are intimidated

612
01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:15,880
who are talked off the stage you know here we are living in the the era the fresh wound of losing

613
01:09:15,880 --> 01:09:19,080
somebody like alexi navalny

614
01:09:19,080 --> 01:09:25,720
the era the fresh wound of losing somebody like alexi navalny

615
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:35,960
a man who gave his life didn't didn't walk away gave his life said i am gonna give my life and

616
01:09:35,960 --> 01:09:45,400
now his wife has done the same thing because i am unwilling to comply i cannot be indifferent and

617
01:09:45,400 --> 01:09:53,480
turn my back on my people on the suffering the injustice the greed the corruption

618
01:09:55,400 --> 01:10:01,640
and you know i bet there are some amazing leaders in haiti

619
01:10:03,560 --> 01:10:08,360
whose hearts are broken who are living right on the edge today

620
01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:18,040
fearing for their lives because those who are determined if nothing else to remain in control

621
01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:25,400
of the corrupt of the corruption of what's happened of hoarding the generosity that's been

622
01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:32,600
given to haiti to repair you know and right right across on the other side of the island

623
01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:38,920
you have the dominican republic have you been there i haven't yet that's one place i'm hoping

624
01:10:38,920 --> 01:10:49,560
to get to soon beaches and golf courses beautiful golf courses beautiful i mean they have they have

625
01:10:49,560 --> 01:10:56,360
corruption and poverty too but they have walled off these beautiful communities where people live

626
01:10:56,360 --> 01:11:02,920
in million a couple of million dollar homes right on golf courses and and they have guards all around

627
01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:09,640
them so you know we live we live in a world where

628
01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:19,880
in need of tremendous repair but shortly before my mom's passing she she called me one day she's a

629
01:11:19,880 --> 01:11:26,520
very strong woman with a great background and working in social justice and community and

630
01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:33,320
she called me crying i she had never called me crying and she said i've been watching a lot of

631
01:11:33,320 --> 01:11:40,840
television and the world is broken do what you can to help fix it because i'm not going to be here

632
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:48,200
and i hope it's the mission of a lot of us to become part of the solution not part of the problem

633
01:11:50,200 --> 01:11:57,800
and it's my mission that's my mission in this life i have two young grandsons

634
01:11:58,520 --> 01:12:05,880
and to leave a legacy the legacy of somebody who tried to become part of the solution

635
01:12:05,880 --> 01:12:12,200
worked hard to become part of the solution rather than remaining indifferent and becoming part of

636
01:12:12,200 --> 01:12:19,480
the problem perpetuating the polarization perpetuating the lies the misinformation

637
01:12:20,520 --> 01:12:27,320
all the reasons we should we should stay separate or not being strong enough to draw healthy lines

638
01:12:27,320 --> 01:12:33,000
where boundaries needed to be drawn one of my guests who was a lawyer who was a lawyer

639
01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:41,400
he was like remember america is the poster for democracy so when you look into this country what

640
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:47,400
do you see is it you know something that you're going to want to bring to your your country and

641
01:12:47,400 --> 01:12:51,560
you know the principle the philosophy is beautiful but as touched on earlier it's a

642
01:12:51,560 --> 01:12:57,480
demystocracy it's a bunch of things that are going to be brought into your country and you know

643
01:12:57,480 --> 01:13:02,840
the principle the philosophy is beautiful but as touched on earlier it's a demystocracy it's a bunch

644
01:13:02,840 --> 01:13:08,520
of wealthy people telling everyone else what to do even though we're paying them so it's a distorted

645
01:13:08,520 --> 01:13:15,640
version of it but you know when you start fixing the problems in our own in our own borders for

646
01:13:15,640 --> 01:13:21,800
example you know the the uh drug prohibition that's empowered the underworld that now has

647
01:13:21,800 --> 01:13:28,040
caused all these problems in columbia mexico you know that we're so um complicit in a lot of a lot

648
01:13:28,040 --> 01:13:34,680
of suffering in other parts of the world so for me when we actually push back and demand you know

649
01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:40,280
good leadership in all the levels from our own home all the way through to dc not only are we

650
01:13:40,280 --> 01:13:45,080
healing our own country but our ability to heal other countries improves the the number of people

651
01:13:45,080 --> 01:13:50,440
that are fleeing their own country into ours will diminish because people will be happier you know

652
01:13:50,440 --> 01:13:55,800
if haiti looks like labadee you're not going to see many rafts and how many people are going to

653
01:13:55,800 --> 01:14:00,200
leave that beautiful island you know so this is the thing if we really believe in democracy then

654
01:14:00,200 --> 01:14:05,960
we've got to take it back because it's been hijacked from us yes i had the honor of meeting

655
01:14:05,960 --> 01:14:15,800
with an extraordinary visionary leader two days ago she's the senior united states senator she

656
01:14:15,800 --> 01:14:23,240
was voted the most effective senator in the entire united states senate her name is amy klobuchar

657
01:14:25,000 --> 01:14:32,920
and i spent some very important time with her but it's all of us deciding listening to those people

658
01:14:32,920 --> 01:14:44,440
who are brave enough to run for office or to be serving and deciding who we believe is on the

659
01:14:44,440 --> 01:14:55,480
right track who's willing to work across the aisle who's not so stuck in their own party beliefs

660
01:14:57,400 --> 01:15:04,680
but is functioning as a leader with the best ideas the most effective ideas that are going

661
01:15:04,680 --> 01:15:11,800
to create the kind of results that we want and we need to be discerning i mean i i was blown away

662
01:15:11,800 --> 01:15:18,440
by this woman and everything she's doing all the bills she's putting but all the issues she is

663
01:15:18,440 --> 01:15:25,880
attacking in such a constructive way and there are people like her corrie booker is another one

664
01:15:27,560 --> 01:15:35,800
we need to find our visionary leaders and support them because that's how the people that we believe

665
01:15:35,800 --> 01:15:41,800
in rise up and are given the power to lead and the opportunity to lead

666
01:15:44,120 --> 01:15:49,320
and in our own communities as well in our own communities on our school boards and whatever

667
01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:57,880
and if we see somebody who is bringing a toxic formula a quick fix

668
01:15:57,880 --> 01:16:08,440
can't condemning blaming everybody else who's incapable of forging community collaboration

669
01:16:10,120 --> 01:16:16,200
who's just going to be all people are going to be doing is wasting years trying to mount

670
01:16:16,840 --> 01:16:25,800
an attack against that person because they're so toxic you know we we are we have joined the

671
01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:32,280
problem we've become part of the problem if we become indifferent we've got to wake up and fight

672
01:16:32,280 --> 01:16:42,200
for our democracy not if we're smart but because we're smart we will do what absolutely

673
01:16:43,720 --> 01:16:48,840
james what a joy to be able to talk with you about such important issues and such an open

674
01:16:48,840 --> 01:16:56,600
and safe forum and productive forum and i i just want to thank you for the service that you give

675
01:16:57,720 --> 01:17:07,160
to all of us i know it it takes a moving a thousand parts to do this it looks easy you just kind of

676
01:17:07,160 --> 01:17:14,120
you sit behind a microphone and ask great questions but i know this this involves a lot of hard work

677
01:17:14,120 --> 01:17:20,840
on your part and i want to just honor you for your service well thank you likewise i mean yeah the

678
01:17:20,840 --> 01:17:25,480
the interviews that you've done and then obviously all the books that you've put out and the work that

679
01:17:25,480 --> 01:17:30,840
you shared and i mean the number of people that you know are doing so much better now because of

680
01:17:30,840 --> 01:17:36,920
yours so i'll send that honoring right back to you so thank you thank you and anybody who is

681
01:17:36,920 --> 01:17:45,080
interested go to kendrack.com if you want a free copy of the self-care handbook i'd be honored to

682
01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:56,840
give it to them and my hope and prayer for everybody is is let it start here catch yourself here

683
01:17:57,720 --> 01:18:03,160
put your foot on your throat and move that hand down to kindness because compassion for other

684
01:18:03,160 --> 01:18:11,400
people begins with compassion for yourself kindness understanding support education awareness

685
01:18:13,880 --> 01:18:22,760
strength it all begins here and then what you're projecting into the world isn't blame or condemnation

686
01:18:22,760 --> 01:18:30,280
or division what you're projecting into the world is the greater possibilities for our best possible

687
01:18:30,280 --> 01:18:38,440
future absolutely well the book how we go on as i said you kind of break it down into the life

688
01:18:38,440 --> 01:18:43,080
stages we ended up going all over the place and didn't really touch on it specifically where can

689
01:18:43,080 --> 01:18:48,200
people find that because you know again bringing solutions to problems you've laid out this beautiful

690
01:18:48,200 --> 01:18:55,480
kind of uh uh age step element to you know how we go on at the different stages of our life first of

691
01:18:55,480 --> 01:19:03,240
all became a best seller in its second week in existence and was endorsed the cover endorsement

692
01:19:03,240 --> 01:19:10,200
is katie kurik maria schreiver loved the book i did a thing with her with ariana huffington

693
01:19:10,920 --> 01:19:14,840
the book has made its way around the world it's the best-selling book i've ever written

694
01:19:14,840 --> 01:19:25,080
and it's it's uh it's an audio book it's an ebook it's a regular book people can go to howwegoon.com

695
01:19:25,080 --> 01:19:32,840
to order the book how we go on.com and if people want the handbook the self-care handbook or to be

696
01:19:32,840 --> 01:19:38,840
in touch or to get on my newsletter or anything like that they can just go to ken drucke.com

697
01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:48,680
ken drucke.com go onto my website and um there's a there's a place where you can get a copy of the

698
01:19:48,680 --> 01:19:57,240
book sent to your email address brilliant copy of the handbook of self-care fantastic well ken i

699
01:19:57,240 --> 01:20:00,760
want to say thank you again i think the last time we talked for like two and a half hours now we've

700
01:20:00,760 --> 01:20:06,280
got you know scraping an hour and a half this time um it's just such a unique perspective and

701
01:20:06,280 --> 01:20:10,600
just to unpack some of these topics i mean you know we we did so much in the first conversation

702
01:20:10,600 --> 01:20:17,240
so if people want to really dive into your story and your work then episode 750 is a must listen to

703
01:20:17,240 --> 01:20:21,480
but now taking all of that perspective and applying it to some of these things that really

704
01:20:21,480 --> 01:20:25,800
are affecting every single one of us i think it was a really powerful conversation so i want to

705
01:20:25,800 --> 01:20:29,240
thank you so much for being so generous with your time and coming on the podcast today

706
01:20:29,240 --> 01:20:42,120
thanks again james you stay well my brother