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I'm extremely excited to announce a brand new sponsor for the Behind the Shield podcast

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that is Transcend.

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Now for many of you listening, you are probably working the same brutal shifts that I did

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for 14 years.

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Suffering from sleep deprivation, body composition challenges, mental health challenges, libido,

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hair loss, etc.

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Now when it comes to the world of hormone replacement and peptide therapy, what I have

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seen is a shift from doctors telling us that we were within normal limits, which was definitely

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incorrect all the way to the other way now where men's clinics are popping up left,

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right and center.

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So I myself wanted to find a reputable company that would do an analysis of my physiology

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and then offer supplementations without ramming, for example, hormone replacement therapy down

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my throat.

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Now I came across Transcend because they have an altruistic arm and they were a big reason

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why the 7X project I was a part of was able to proceed because of their generous donations.

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They also have the Transcend foundations where they are actually putting military and first

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responders through some of their therapies at no cost to the individual.

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So my own personal journey so far filled in the online form, went to Quest, got blood

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drawn and a few days later I'm talking to one of their wellness professionals as they

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guide me through my results and the supplementation that they suggest.

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In my case specifically, because I transitioned out the fire service five years ago and been

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very diligent with my health, my testosterone was actually in a good place.

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So I went down the peptide route and some other supplements to try and maximize my physiology

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knowing full well the damage that 14 years of shift work has done.

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Now I also want to underline because I think this is very important that each of the therapies

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they offer, they will talk about the pros and cons.

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So for example, a lot of first responders in shift work, our testosterone will be low,

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but sometimes nutrition, exercise and sleep can offset that on its own.

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So this company is not going to try and push you down a path, especially if it's one that

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you can't come back from.

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So whether it's libido, brain fog, inflammation, gut health, performance, sleep, this is definitely

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one of the most powerful tools in the toolbox.

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So to learn more, go to transcendcompany.com or listen to episode 808 of the Behind the

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Shield podcast with founder Ernie Colling.

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This episode is sponsored by InsideTracker.

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And what makes me smile is before I even started my podcast seven years ago, when listening

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to other wellness conversations, InsideTracker was always the company they recommended for

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comprehensive blood work.

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Well now in 2024, they have begun to offer a brand new first responder panel, which will

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cover nine biomarkers hitting several of the pillars of health that affect us in uniform,

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stress, heart health, metabolism and gut health.

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Now after a very simple intake form, a blood draw, you will get the results sent to your

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computer, smartwatch, phone, not only detailing where you are on the scale from poor to optimized,

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but also tips on how you can improve each of these markers.

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Now this panel is usually $310, but they are also offering first responders 30% off any

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of their blood panels.

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So that brings this specific panel down to only $217.

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Now I myself went through their ultimate, which is their comprehensive blood work, which

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also includes micronutrients, hormones and other areas of overall health.

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And I have to say I was absolutely amazed at firstly how easy it was, but secondly,

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the comprehensive information I got and the actionable information on how to improve each

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of my own biomarkers.

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Now as with all my sponsors, if you want to hear more about InsideTracker, you can hear

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my conversation with senior sales executive Jonathan Levitt on episode 887 of the Behind

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the Shield podcast.

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So to sign up or simply learn more, go to insidetracker.com and for the first responder

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panel, the easiest way is to Google InsideTracker first responder panel.

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This episode is sponsored by a company I've used for well over a decade and that is 511.

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I wore their uniforms back in Anaheim, California and have used their products ever since.

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From their incredibly strong yet light footwear to their cut uniforms for both male and female

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responders, I found them hands down the best workwear in all the departments that I've

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worked for.

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Outside of the fire service, I use their luggage for everything and I travel a lot and they

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are also now sponsoring the 7X team as we embark around the world on the Human Performance

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project.

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We have Murph coming up in May and again I bought their plate carrier.

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I ended up buying real ballistic plates rather than the fake weight plates and that has been

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my ride or die through Murph the last few years as well.

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One area I want to talk about that I haven't in previous sponsorship spots is their brick

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and mortar element.

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They were predominantly an online company up till more recently but now they are approaching

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100 stores all over the US.

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My local store is here in Gainesville Florida and I've been multiple times and the discounts

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you see online are applied also in the stores.

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So as I mentioned 511 is offering you 15% off every purchase that you make but I do

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want to say more often than not they have an even deeper discount especially around

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holiday times.

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But if you use the code SHIELD15 you will get 15% off your order or in the stores every

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time you make a purchase.

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And if you want to hear more about 511, who they stand for and who works with them, listen

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to episode 580 of Behind the Shield podcast with 511 regional director Will Ayers.

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Welcome to the Behind the Shield podcast.

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As always my name is James Gearing and this week it is my absolute honor to welcome on

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the show EMT and the author of Becoming a Mental Health Warrior, Bruce Schutter.

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Now in this conversation we discuss a host of topics from Bruce's journey into volunteer

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rescue at a very early age, the impact of trauma on a young mind, his addiction journey

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through both consumerism and alcohol, his arrests and psychiatric holds, the powerful

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paradigm shift that he himself experienced, his journey of post-traumatic growth, how

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he developed programs to help other people overcome their addictions and so much more.

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Now before we get to this incredibly important and powerful conversation as I say every week

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please just take a moment, go to whichever app you listen to this on, subscribe to the

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show, leave feedback and leave a rating.

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Every single 5 star rating truly does elevate this podcast therefore making it easier for

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others to find and this is a free library of almost 900 episodes now.

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So all I ask in return is that you help share these incredible men and women stories so

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I can get them to every single person on planet earth who needs to hear them.

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So with that being said I introduce to you Bruce Schutter.

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Enjoy.

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Well Bruce I want to start by saying firstly thank you to your wife Lee who I think originally

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reached out to kind of educate me on some of the stuff that you were doing, your story

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and your books and secondly of course I want to welcome you to the Behind the Shield podcast

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today.

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Thank you very much and yes I do depend on her, she is very good at all the details,

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she's a marketing manager so she hits all those details.

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I always come up with the ideas so we work well together but thank you for working with

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her to set all this up.

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Yeah no I'm glad to have you.

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So where on planet earth are we finding you today?

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We are in Charlotte, North Carolina and it is actually cold today which is an anomaly.

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Now I say that with a little bit of a chuckle because prior to this in the last year we

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were out in Wisconsin where this wouldn't even be a blip on the radar, it would be like

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let's go out in shorts but for North Carolina everybody's shutting down the schools and

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it's cold.

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Yeah, yeah I know we've got a cold band coming our way.

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I think the windchill which is Florida so even further south is supposed to be like

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15 degrees tonight.

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So yeah I don't think people realize some of our warm states can get a little chilly

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sometimes.

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Exactly, exactly.

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So I would have to start at the very beginning of your story.

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So tell me where you were born and tell me a little bit about your family dynamic, what

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your parents did, how many siblings.

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Okay, well I was born in Millsville, Pennsylvania so outside of Lancaster's really the biggest

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town.

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Mom and dad, mom was a nurse and worked in the medical field, different areas of being

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a nurse at a hospital and different things.

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My dad was a chemical engineer and worked at Armstrong actually in Millsville and have

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a sister also and she's now a school teacher outside of Raleigh.

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So we've somehow all managed and my parents retired on the western part of North Carolina

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so somehow after traveling around and being in all these different states we all ended

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up together in North Carolina now which is kind of interesting.

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Really a kind of small town, raised up, this is going to be in the born in 67 so 60's,

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70's really, going to high school there.

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We moved in 6th grade and that was probably like a biggest life change and I say that

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because we moved to north of Philly.

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So went from this small rural area, lots of farms, very slow pace of life to a more hectic

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pace of life but also a lot more opportunities and I think that's where all of us started

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to do different things and explore different things which kind of I feel like I had my

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early childhood where you start out and you're in first through 6th grade and then all of

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a sudden everything is uprooted and you have to learn a new area, you face all these challenges

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but at the same time the interesting part is throughout all of this I always felt like

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there was something different going on.

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I kind of always was swinging with my emotions, I was always anxious and nervous about a lot

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of things but it's not that anybody is following, there wasn't even the information there is

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today and it was just like you just thought maybe that's just the way the kid is for

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now and it's just interesting because when I look back at so many things you realize

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boy it was starting earlier, the mental health challenges, disorders that I have and at the

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same time I don't think anybody in any of these areas really knew or had the information

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we have today so it was a lot of guesswork, things like that.

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So I want to get to other areas of your early life but while we're on the subject and obviously

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your work now is completely involved when it comes to the mental health, I have been

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educated to the power of elements of childhood trauma when it comes to people struggling

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in adulthood and obviously a lot of people listening to this were wearing uniforms so

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our struggles are attributed to our time deployed in whatever battle zone it was or our time

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as a first responder or a police officer and we kind of forget about the formative years,

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the first 18, 20, 25 whatever it was until we put that uniform on.

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When you look back now, were there any elements of your upbringing that you think were precursors

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to some of the struggles that you had later in life?

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Oh absolutely, that's where I'm trying to, it's not a blame thing, it's looking back

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in that introspection and there were things that you did as a kid in both places, I was

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in Scouts and I got selected to be part of this honor guard with the Scouts and we would

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present and carry in flags at the beginning of all these events for all these different

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places, there's lots of camps and things and we made a mistake a couple times but to

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me I was horrified and the reliving of that, the anxiety almost stopped me from wanting

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to be part of things.

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I faced big crowds and you'd go to things like going to church or going to a youth group

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and the size of the groups or sometimes the size of the congregation or something small,

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I didn't realize it at the time but I was always on edge if you will, I was always that

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nervousness but I combined it with, I was always growing up with people and people like

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for example my mom was in the medical field and nurse so I got comfortable with learning

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some of those lessons and hearing stories from working in a hospital or being in a hospital

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and treating sick people.

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So you learn a little bit but you weren't sure what to do with it and at the same time

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I could see these things happening, I knew nothing but the emotional extremes.

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Even once we moved I think I became more aware so 8th, 9th grade I'm seeing all I am is

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completely happy and everything's perfect or I'm completely depressed even for no reason,

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could have had the greatest weekend but then I turn on a dime and I'm depressed.

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At that time I thought boy I am just really wired different.

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Now there's some truth to it but I also didn't realize why or what I could do about it so

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it was a bit debilitating I guess is what I'm trying to say and I started to see those

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precursors where I'm like boy it's limiting some of the things I want to do but I'm also

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still going after things.

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So I'm pushing it and I'm actually fighting those things and I guess I'm building up my

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own tools and solutions without realizing it but they're not very good ones at that

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point.

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Now did you have any acute events when you were early?

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The reason I ask, it was funny I wrote a book about 3 years ago and as I did I literally

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unlocked a little door in my mind that I had forgotten that I was in a house fire when

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I was a little boy at 4 years old and my sister who was 8 basically got us out and as a fireman

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now looking back we would have died in that fire, there's no question that she hadn't

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got us out at that moment and so there was that event.

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We discovered later that my parents marriage was far from idyllic so I'm sure there was

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some subconscious stuff going there but I became a very anxious child when I look back

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now I didn't realize at the time but I was a bed wearer until quite late.

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I would have night terrors from hell, I'd wake up covered in plastic because I'd been

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punching the angled ceiling because I was in the loft.

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So now when I look back it's plain as day but I could definitely factor in some of those

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that were probably when they were left unaddressed were haunting me and then obviously they became

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a dress later in life.

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Were there any acute events or was it more kind of death by a thousand cuts or what was

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your perspective now?

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No, no, no it's interesting you bring that up because you actually just triggered in

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myself thinking about that that before we moved I always had trouble sleeping and I

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did have these horrible night terrors not associating that with bipolar or even anxiety

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and at the time it drove my parents almost crazy because they didn't know what to do

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and it was almost at that point too a psychiatrist therapy was looked at a last resort and it

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wasn't anybody doing it intentionally saying well we're going to send you to that it's

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horrible but it wasn't treated like you could go there and get some help it was more

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like the final resort so of course we didn't do it I viewed it more like a threat at the

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time but you're right what happened was I had all these nightmares all these problems

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sleeping and then the anxiety just kept building and by the time we moved and then I got into

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like a middle school you're right I could definitely see it was shaping things and there

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were a lot of events they were those small ones where you know when I'd get very depressed

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or fly off the handle if you will the emotions just didn't have control so there were lots

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of little fights that I got into with even friends sometimes and things where I just

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never knew how to work through things and it would just spiral out of control you know

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and I look back now and you're right these are definitely signs but at the time there

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was nothing to look it up in you know I mean the closest we had and again even with my

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mom being in the medical field you had the PDR the physician's desk reference book

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there's about this big you know this thick and you could look something up then that

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was a real secret if you knew somebody in the medical field whereas today you know you

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could go online and get about a thousand pages information so yes it definitely affected

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a lot of things but you're right I didn't see any of them in a total picture until much

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later so what were you playing as far as sports or were there other things that you found

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that were the kind of the healthy outlet for you as you were growing through the school

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ages well then what I did was so I was in track and field I tried wrestling I love sports

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but I tended to gravitate towards more the singular ones I played tennis but I also loved

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a bike ride and I got into biking and throughout all of high school and then even into college

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I got into the triathlons and biathlons so it was a great outlet because when I would

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get so frustrated or so wired up I could go on a 20 mile bike ride I could use those sports

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now they weren't a lot of the high school ones I tried some of the high school sports

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and I did do like track and field obviously I was on a runner but I was doing the shot

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put and doing some of the things like the high jump things like that but I used them

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as the outlet not even realizing how important that was I just knew I really loved it and

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found that peace and solitude doing that the reason I say that is that a lot of what you're

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talking about it was like here I am at ninth grade going into tenth and that's when I

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found somebody who was on the rescue squad and that's when I went and signed up and

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joined so I was in first year of tenth grade and I went into this whole new world and it

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was kind of like suddenly I have two worlds you know and I'm up here in this really professional

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life and death type world and I'm in high school still in middle school and so I guess

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the long answer I'm giving is I like to be involved I'm very interested in learning

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things and doing things so I was involved in a million things and I never did anything

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halfway and at the same time with my bipolar disorder anxiety they also didn't do things

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halfway and they were always pushing me to that extreme too which sometimes was a good

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push and sometimes wasn't.

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So talk to me about that you're only 15 16 years old and you find yourself in the world

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of the volunteer rescue service so firstly normally when you hear volunteer they say

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fire service specifically so what did that role entail and then walk me through your

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journey through the front door?

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So I knew somebody that knew somebody else who was a year older so I'm in tenth grade

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they knew somebody who was in eleventh and they were part of the volunteer rescue squad

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now definitely you're right most places it's together it's the fire department and the

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ambulance but in Yardley there were two separate groups and they were literally like three

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streets away so there was the ambulance place it was a small building with about five ambulances

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in total and then there's the fire department with all the fancy toys and all the bigger

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equipment and I'm just saying as a joke because it was a big kind of competition always we

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worked together but because we were literally separate I focused and I joined the rescue

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squad and I started to know people there who are also in high school in some of the various

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schools so at 16 I went in and I got certified with the basic first aid CPR and I started

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riding as a tech so there'd be the EMT the driver and then two techs if you could to

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have a full crew and so here I go I sign up I get all trained and it started out with

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a bang and never slowed down for the next five years.

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My first call we went out on and it was somebody I had a heart attack we had to do CPR and

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to this day I can still remember the poor woman was in her 90s and I broke her rib and

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this was my very first call very first experience and it was kind of like I was so worried about

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hurting her and people had to remind me you're doing CPR to save her life a broken rib is

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going to be the least of her concerns you know and as a kid or even starting this you're

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like boy I really don't have the perspective but it was like it was so interesting and

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so fascinating and so real and again I'm always looking for the experiences and always

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looking to try things and I had some other friends as I got to know them that were all

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in high school in the fire department and in the ambulance and sometimes on both so

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you know how it is you get hooked into that group and the next thing you know your focus

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is completely on that.

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It was really interesting because I just kept learning and growing within that while at

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the same time I'm going through high school and I'm living that dual world where I'm splitting

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weekends or nights you know depending on if in the quote unquote real world or in the

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high school world it was quite interesting.

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Now what about the age it's funny I've just been doing some research for the book I'm

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writing now and the age to enroll in the military in the UK is only 16 we graduate high school

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in 16 and you know which I think is the only country in the world or maybe in the western

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world that has it that low and then when you start to learn more and more about neurosciences

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excuse me neuroscience we're realizing that these young brains even 18, 19, 20 are still

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developing and therefore you know some of the trauma that we're exposed to can be more

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detrimental to these young minds.

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What's your perspective now on how old you were when you started being exposed to a lot

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of these calls?

287
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Well I like to so I started at 16 and within a year I knew I wanted to become an EMT and

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in Pennsylvania had to be 18 but we were right on the border literally the river that divides

289
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New Jersey and Pennsylvania was the end of the street and so you could be certified as

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an EMT in New Jersey at 17 so myself and two others went over there because we knew we

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kept reciprocity to then be an EMT on the squad at 17 so I thought well this would be

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fantastic literally did I not realize I am jumping full on into this what I call the

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deep end of the life pool and yes I was completely unprepared and the funny thing was now looking

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back but even then people that were older in their 20s and 30s doing this or had a more

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stable base even you know we're still developing and all of that I just realized how ill prepared

296
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we all were and especially even at that time and it was like we focused on and I guess

297
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it was kind of correlated to the military stuff they teach you all the skills and you

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focus on all the skills and you focus on handling the scenes you focus on all those pieces but

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nobody even thought to talk about what you do afterwards the emotions you know or how

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to handle the outcome of that call all that mattered was you know was it successful did

301
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you do the skills right could you save the person and looking back I'm like it's that

302
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fantastic experience but the missing piece was I didn't know what to do with those life

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lessons and I would imagine that some of the same stuff you find you know you stick somebody

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out there at 16 going into real life events that a lot of people may not even run into

305
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it not only are you ill prepared but sometimes it I don't want to say it alienated but it

306
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made it tough to talk to my peers or friends because they had no base of this experience

307
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you know I'm over here on this plane and I'm up here doing things that when I try to talk

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to them about it even when I went to college you know there are people that literally never

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saw somebody pass away and die and I'm like wow that happened a lot in my hands you know

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and I can give you excuse me all these stories and they're just like oh my god this is the

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first time I left home to go to school you know I feel like what happens is it kind of

312
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puts you on a path that can be kind of lonely and in a way it's very hard even then to figure

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out who you can talk to and what level you can talk about it those are all those lessons

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I mean it's it's I guess it's you have the experiences again why you bond with the people

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with the fire department and the rescue squad because once you share that experience well

316
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then you can talk to them you know it's it's like no holds barred so that was my safety

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net at the same time and I'm talking to people of all ages and I'm getting super involved

318
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with it and it was it was fantastic experience but my goal kind of today based on all that

319
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was to see how many people are not prepared you know for these things in life with their

320
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mental health and handling emotions sorry that's that's the long-winded to your to

321
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your short question but um it it just like you said it it has all these positives and

322
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then there were these negatives and it was so challenging but it was so rewarding but

323
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the biggest thing is without direction and that's what kind of started me on this whole

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path is I feel people they have so much information these days and they get thrown into so many

325
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situations and again with the internet and all of the information available you've got

326
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people self-diagnosing themselves people figuring out all these problems at ages you know 13

327
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14 15 years old and that might be good and helpful but you still need some direction

328
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on what to do with it you know what to make of it one thing that a lot of us in the municipal

329
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uh career fire departments I think don't experience as much as volunteer is running on people

330
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we know or living in the same community that we served so I've moved you know from obviously

331
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the UK to Orlando did my training first department in Miami area second in California third um

332
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and fourth around the Orlando area but the last one was around theme parks so constantly

333
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moving usually lived about an hour and 15 minutes away from where I worked you know

334
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like a lot of firefighters can't afford to live where they work um and so the upside

335
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though is you're not you're not running on people I've never I've never ever run a call

336
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on someone that I know um and if I go to those cities of course I'm like okay there's where

337
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we found that person there's where that pedestrian was was killed you know etc etc etc but it's

338
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not in my hometown so what you know are there any calls that really kind of stuck out as

339
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far as that element of being in the volunteer fire service and working in your own area

340
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yeah it's interesting we're in this small town but we're north of Philly so there's

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a lot of towns around us they were growing all the time they've grown even more since

342
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we've left so we absolutely saw all these things you wouldn't expect first off in the

343
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town we saw accidents because route 95 ran right into Philly and cut through our town

344
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so there were accident scenes on on a major interstate we had all of the scenes where

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you're going to places around the friends you know your friend's house is right down

346
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the street you're going to a call that they may know things like that but you're right

347
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there were there were some calls that were so impactful and again we would also see the

348
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people after the calls or maybe see some of the people that didn't make it through the

349
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calls the family members and things so it definitely was quite interesting um there

350
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were definitely two that were one being a very positive and that was in the middle of

351
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town there was a little lake it was called afton pond and it was one of those lakes gets

352
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water in from rainwater but basically has no water flowing through it so it builds up

353
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there's streets going around builds up about five feet of mud and so a lot of times people

354
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lose control and they drive into this lake or this pond and it would happen once a year

355
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or so and i remember the call going in there and it was people we knew you know and we

356
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go in and we're of course jumping in with the fire department because again there weren't

357
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a lot of lines drawn like we would go in and help out everybody respected each other so

358
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we're all out there attending to the patient we're trying to stabilize the car and it's

359
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sinking and at the same time we know the people inside and we're trying to keep calm and

360
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you're trying to do your professional but you're also realizing the car is sinking

361
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in that mud and your feet are underneath and at one point we were like we got to watch

362
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out for ourselves even because it keeps sinking slowly slowly we don't get anybody stuck

363
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and again the interesting part that i'm trying to say on the story is it wasn't just the

364
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people in the car we knew i knew all these people that volunteered and were part of the

365
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fire department and the ambulance company and also all the police force we all became

366
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friends and we all knew each other and a lot of these people are in high school with me

367
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or a lot of these people are going to neighboring schools but we're all in the high school level

368
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or you know then you have people that are in careers and things so it's like everything

369
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you did was with people you know and it was it was quite an odd situation now that one

370
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was fine because we get them out you know we had to they had to cut some of the car

371
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apart and we we get them out we rescue it you know and everybody can share that experience

372
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that was a good one now on the flip side the one that i wanted to talk about was there's

373
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a neighboring high school and so we have the main high school i'm in and this neighboring

374
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one and in between the towns there's a crossroads in this out of the way place where there's

375
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a lot of rural towns and i'm there on a two o'clock in the morning on a saturday night

376
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call because i always did like saturday you'd be at the shift from seven to seven in the

377
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morning you know volunteering and we get called out and it's two cars that ran ahead on into

378
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each other and the one car was filled with four kids my exact age from the neighboring

379
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high school and there was some drinking involved and there was a head-on and they you know

380
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out two in the morning you can kind of do the math on what happened and everybody's

381
00:30:32,060 --> 00:30:36,900
all across the street and some came got thrown out of the car we're trying to do cpr trying

382
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to rescue them and sorry it still affects me because it was it was like seeing a mirror

383
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of what could be because these are what could have been me driving on that road it could

384
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have been and it literally the same age and a neighboring high school and you're seeing

385
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this and what happened was we were we did cpr on two of them the other two had gotten

386
00:30:58,140 --> 00:31:04,980
thrown from the car none of them made it was the long story of it the result of it but

387
00:31:04,980 --> 00:31:13,760
the the story was that it affected our whole crew because on that call on the first ambulance

388
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none of us were over 18 and we were all basically seeing the mirror of what could be on a typical

389
00:31:21,140 --> 00:31:25,980
friday night when we had been hanging out with our high school friends and it was it

390
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was devastating it was a life lesson that hit you in the chest and and made it hard

391
00:31:31,260 --> 00:31:35,820
to breathe and didn't know what to do you know even talk about today it still brings

392
00:31:35,820 --> 00:31:43,080
us up where i still remember after the call going back to the squad in utter silence and

393
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sitting there for hours this table we had outside not knowing what to say not even know

394
00:31:49,060 --> 00:31:54,380
how to process it let alone that but not even know what to say to each other and i think

395
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we walked away that morning basically having experienced that with like the most deepest

396
00:32:00,380 --> 00:32:06,020
bond and connection we ever had and at the same time and understanding that you know

397
00:32:06,020 --> 00:32:12,780
there's some hard life lessons and we tried to make sense of them now we personally i

398
00:32:12,780 --> 00:32:16,200
made sense of some of them that you want to go out and live life but i also took it from

399
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:20,300
life is short and can be tragically ended and maybe maybe we shouldn't fight so hard

400
00:32:20,300 --> 00:32:24,260
and we should just go and just experience things and not worry at all which is not a

401
00:32:24,260 --> 00:32:30,420
good lesson you know it fed into the bipolar and the anxiety disorder and everything and

402
00:32:30,420 --> 00:32:36,460
it just it gave me an attitude that was said go after things but i almost didn't care

403
00:32:36,460 --> 00:32:41,540
and i stopped caring about myself because i got so affected by calls like that that

404
00:32:41,540 --> 00:32:49,180
it just really like you said it traumatized me it it did a number and it only took me

405
00:32:49,180 --> 00:32:53,380
it took me till 20 years later till i started taking care of this and starting this whole

406
00:32:53,380 --> 00:32:57,300
mental health warrior program and learning about myself to even finally figure out the

407
00:32:57,300 --> 00:33:04,940
lessons on that and the thing i take from it today is that experience is not something

408
00:33:04,940 --> 00:33:10,560
to be wiped away it's something to be built on and today i want to help people who go

409
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:15,180
through things like that or you know experience this and show them what it can do if you don't

410
00:33:15,180 --> 00:33:19,940
take care of your mental health and you don't process the emotions and how you can do it

411
00:33:19,940 --> 00:33:28,100
and still take the good lessons so there were absolutely calls that were again up on the

412
00:33:28,100 --> 00:33:35,260
high of a good one and some of the ones that were to this day still haunt me type things

413
00:33:35,260 --> 00:33:39,380
i mean it's i think i was just telling uh having a conversation with the police officer yesterday

414
00:33:39,380 --> 00:33:43,360
greg grogan from the overwatch collective and we were talking about this because one

415
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:48,420
of his specialties in law enforcement is a major scene invest or crash scene investigation

416
00:33:48,420 --> 00:33:54,240
i think exactly but traffic accidents and when i was reading your book you've got some

417
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:59,260
statistics kind of towards the beginning and i think it was that suicide is the second

418
00:33:59,260 --> 00:34:04,140
leading cause of death i think it was especially i think he said males or just people from

419
00:34:04,140 --> 00:34:10,000
10 till i want to say it was like 30 35 um and i'm assuming the first one is traffic

420
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:15,020
accidents traumatic death and so this is what's so heartbreaking is and i've talked about

421
00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:21,820
this a lot you know we have done nothing to change elements of driver safety we'll put

422
00:34:21,820 --> 00:34:26,780
speed bumps up we'll put signs we'll obviously have numerous memorials for all the people

423
00:34:26,780 --> 00:34:33,440
that are dead but you know when it comes to education again maybe even the age but understanding

424
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:37,940
the danger on the roads i mean of course alcohol is going to be another element but that in

425
00:34:37,940 --> 00:34:44,860
itself could also be attributed to education on alcohol mental health but it really it's

426
00:34:44,860 --> 00:34:51,300
i struggle with the fact that we lose so many people usually young people on the roads and

427
00:34:51,300 --> 00:34:56,300
yet you hardly ever hear that conversation at all and it's the first responders out there

428
00:34:56,300 --> 00:35:01,700
that have to see this horror and it reminds them of their own children but you know it's

429
00:35:01,700 --> 00:35:05,540
the whole insanity piece it's doing doing the same thing expecting different results

430
00:35:05,540 --> 00:35:10,140
you know oh we'll you know we'll we'll have apps so it turns off the cell phones and things

431
00:35:10,140 --> 00:35:17,020
like that yeah that's absolutely a tool but what are we doing wrong that's not educating

432
00:35:17,020 --> 00:35:21,700
our drivers to the level that they should be where they understand the danger of this

433
00:35:21,700 --> 00:35:27,500
we're always going to lose some people but we lose 40 000 people die hundreds of thousands

434
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:32,060
you know maimed every year every single year and we just kind of shrug our shoulders and

435
00:35:32,060 --> 00:35:36,300
go oh well well the first responders of the world it's not oh well because every single

436
00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:42,460
one of those horrendous wrecks lives rent rent free in our minds yeah absolutely and

437
00:35:42,460 --> 00:35:48,060
thing is it teaches you that lesson and so you become hyper aware you become very cautious

438
00:35:48,060 --> 00:35:52,020
you try and explain that to friends and family and people you try to tell them you know the

439
00:35:52,020 --> 00:35:55,420
things with the phones and you see people putting their phone in front of a steering

440
00:35:55,420 --> 00:35:58,700
wheel while they're texting so they can drive and text and you're saying it is not that

441
00:35:58,700 --> 00:36:03,700
important you know back then it wasn't even that and that's what threw me i completely

442
00:36:03,700 --> 00:36:08,900
agree it's almost it parallels what happens with mental health disorders because i feel

443
00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:13,700
like the word isn't out about how serious some of these can be and people kind of shrug

444
00:36:13,700 --> 00:36:18,100
them off maybe they see it on tv and they're like oh well isn't that quirky person's bipolar

445
00:36:18,100 --> 00:36:22,300
and they don't realize the struggle they go through that it throws you into depression

446
00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:27,040
three quarters of the time and it's much like seeing stuff like this you kind of uncover

447
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:33,300
the truths of what can happen because as i was mentioning with the the experience and

448
00:36:33,300 --> 00:36:37,620
i don't know if it's because i threw a lot of time into it i mean i put in hundreds i

449
00:36:37,620 --> 00:36:42,860
put in over thousands of hours each year volunteering there because we were so gung-ho about it

450
00:36:42,860 --> 00:36:46,800
and so in turn i would spend a friday night doing high school stuff and every saturday

451
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:51,420
night i spent 12 hours on calls and sometimes we had back-to-back calls and you would think

452
00:36:51,420 --> 00:36:55,700
a little town but there was a lot of tragedy a lot of accidents and i saw things like you

453
00:36:55,700 --> 00:37:01,540
said there were major scenes on 95 where you had to pull out the triage tags and you had

454
00:37:01,540 --> 00:37:07,780
to make those decisions and today i think oh my god you know i i did them but it was

455
00:37:07,780 --> 00:37:12,860
almost like a robot because you have to protect yourself but then when you walk away you can't

456
00:37:12,860 --> 00:37:17,420
protect yourself it's kind of like with the mental health challenges you can go and get

457
00:37:17,420 --> 00:37:22,060
help and there's all sorts of professional help and things but i always like to say both

458
00:37:22,060 --> 00:37:26,820
the emt and the mental health at two in the morning when you wake up and you're in your

459
00:37:26,820 --> 00:37:30,580
house or you're sitting in a chair somewhere and you're all by yourself that's where you

460
00:37:30,580 --> 00:37:35,180
have to learn to handle it because you just can't there's nobody to call there's nobody

461
00:37:35,180 --> 00:37:39,660
to go to at that point you know and that's the piece that's it's not being tragic it's

462
00:37:39,660 --> 00:37:43,180
just saying there will be a time in your life where you have to be by yourself and you're

463
00:37:43,180 --> 00:37:48,300
on your own and again if we can make sense of the lessons from things first responders

464
00:37:48,300 --> 00:37:52,300
see and all the people but also same with mental health there's times if you can be

465
00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:57,900
empowered i guess is what i'm trying to say hence the whole idea of the warrior project

466
00:37:57,900 --> 00:38:03,580
and program is to empower people and not view all these as negatives i mean it's like what

467
00:38:03,580 --> 00:38:09,660
you're saying you see all the accidents and you want to educate people but you also know

468
00:38:09,660 --> 00:38:15,420
they're only going to listen so much and sometimes it's really sad because you know there's lessons

469
00:38:15,420 --> 00:38:21,180
that you wish people had learned or seen you know and then you see the results with the

470
00:38:21,180 --> 00:38:27,740
accidents or with the situations or even the tragedies that happen out of the blue you

471
00:38:27,740 --> 00:38:34,900
know in some of these calls where things would strike and occur and it was almost like you

472
00:38:34,900 --> 00:38:38,500
tend to think and this is a little bit of humor a little bit not but you tend to think

473
00:38:38,500 --> 00:38:41,220
like accidents you think well it's on the street or something you know or there was

474
00:38:41,220 --> 00:38:45,300
a car wreck well it's on the street or somebody gets sick maybe they're at home but i have

475
00:38:45,300 --> 00:38:51,180
this list of tales of things that occurred in the most unusual places and it wakes you

476
00:38:51,180 --> 00:38:58,100
up to that life doesn't protect you if you're out somewhere else you know i just find that

477
00:38:58,100 --> 00:39:04,620
interesting that sometimes people don't realize probably too what first responders see and

478
00:39:04,620 --> 00:39:10,700
where they have to go sometimes you know and what i'm referencing on that one is and it

479
00:39:10,700 --> 00:39:15,140
was a good call because we saved the person but somebody had a heart attack on the golf

480
00:39:15,140 --> 00:39:19,740
course at the yardley country club now not a super fancy place but a big golf course

481
00:39:19,740 --> 00:39:23,980
on the fifth hole and in order to get them fast and to help them we had to drive the

482
00:39:23,980 --> 00:39:28,420
ambulance across the golf course and then we had to cut through and cut through their

483
00:39:28,420 --> 00:39:32,700
shrubs that were blocking it to the next street in order to get to the hospital fastest and

484
00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:36,300
it was kind of like yeah we know we're going to take some grief for all this and yes we're

485
00:39:36,300 --> 00:39:41,460
driving an ambulance up and down a golf course but for the greater good you know it was it

486
00:39:41,460 --> 00:39:47,420
was one of those interesting kind of mind-blowing experiences and you're like it kind of shows

487
00:39:47,420 --> 00:39:52,620
you that life will life will occur wherever you're at and i always find that interesting

488
00:39:52,620 --> 00:39:58,320
absolutely i think where i saw that frustration manifest was in you know a version of road

489
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:04,340
rage to be honest you know when i was on shift and so tired so sleep deprived you know possibly

490
00:40:04,340 --> 00:40:10,960
having come off you know one of many horrendous wrecks and then you see someone driving like

491
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:16,180
an a-hole in your own town and i mean i would just get so angry i didn't ever do this but

492
00:40:16,180 --> 00:40:22,220
i would want to literally put my fist through their window and drag them out the car and

493
00:40:22,220 --> 00:40:26,540
beat them until they would listen and then you know put them back in their car now again

494
00:40:26,540 --> 00:40:32,580
that's a kind of macabre fantasy but when you have seen the result when you know that

495
00:40:32,580 --> 00:40:37,900
the person who caused these accidents almost never dies they're almost unscathed and that

496
00:40:37,900 --> 00:40:44,020
family is completely decimated you know it's it's a hard emotion to to harbor you know

497
00:40:44,020 --> 00:40:52,100
and it takes a lot of diligent practice to turn that frustration and disgust into okay

498
00:40:52,100 --> 00:40:57,660
how can i move the needle without coming across like a complete raving psychopath right right

499
00:40:57,660 --> 00:41:02,500
i mean we we had an experience like that that that showed me that we were responding to

500
00:41:02,500 --> 00:41:06,300
a call and there was a full crew and at that point i was in the back there was another

501
00:41:06,300 --> 00:41:10,940
emt and the driver and somebody wouldn't pull over and we're flying along this one road

502
00:41:10,940 --> 00:41:15,180
where you get up to about 50 60 because it's a long road and that person wouldn't pull

503
00:41:15,180 --> 00:41:19,280
over and i was in the back with this other woman and we're gathering the gear and i hear

504
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:24,980
from the front oh my god hang on because we smashed into that car because they kept weaving

505
00:41:24,980 --> 00:41:29,660
a wooden pull away for the ambulance to move past they just didn't want to let us go by

506
00:41:29,660 --> 00:41:34,860
and we ended up hitting them so hard we tore the axon of their car but then in the back

507
00:41:34,860 --> 00:41:38,860
as you know with the ambulance of all the equipment this stuff started flying and we're

508
00:41:38,860 --> 00:41:42,380
talking oxygen bottles flying around and we had one of these huge ones that came out of

509
00:41:42,380 --> 00:41:47,140
the cabinet that it's the giant tank and i grabbed the other woman we grabbed her because

510
00:41:47,140 --> 00:41:52,460
i was in the seat where i could pull her away from it you know we almost all got killed

511
00:41:52,460 --> 00:41:57,620
in that accident and the ambulance was totaled and then we get another ambulance to bring

512
00:41:57,620 --> 00:42:02,100
us to the hospital you know and so we have to be on the patient side now and we're in

513
00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:06,780
these rooms next to each other and like you said we're listening to the guy screaming

514
00:42:06,780 --> 00:42:12,820
yell about why we didn't get out of his way and how he's going to sue us and it was so

515
00:42:12,820 --> 00:42:17,340
crazy you're sitting there and you're trying to tend your own wounds and you're trying

516
00:42:17,340 --> 00:42:21,020
to put some thing in like thinking well there was a second crew sent out i hope they're

517
00:42:21,020 --> 00:42:25,100
okay to get to the next person because that's where we were headed and you're listening

518
00:42:25,100 --> 00:42:31,780
this person rant and rave about it it was insane like you were saying and at the same

519
00:42:31,780 --> 00:42:36,820
time we were just stunned because we couldn't imagine why somebody wouldn't get out of the

520
00:42:36,820 --> 00:42:40,960
way it wasn't like they couldn't pull back into the street you know i'm sure you've experienced

521
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:46,260
that you think what were they doing that they literally fought us i mean they apparently

522
00:42:46,260 --> 00:42:49,780
we back and forth so much that when they hit them that's why we hit them and tore the axle

523
00:42:49,780 --> 00:42:56,420
out because they came around the angle to us but it's just a crazy circumstance but

524
00:42:56,420 --> 00:43:01,100
it also gave me a look into the other side you know of dealing with some people that

525
00:43:01,100 --> 00:43:06,420
just didn't get it like you're saying and you just wonder what they're thinking and

526
00:43:06,420 --> 00:43:11,820
why they don't see what people are trying to do you know or trying to pay attention

527
00:43:11,820 --> 00:43:18,900
more that type of thing i was driving when i was still in the mt i was driving a pediatric

528
00:43:18,900 --> 00:43:24,660
code we was one of those calls or if i'm remembering right we were literally handed you know a

529
00:43:24,660 --> 00:43:30,340
limp baby at the door and sadly i think that ended up being a child abuse call all my all

530
00:43:30,340 --> 00:43:36,780
my infant deaths were all child abuse which is heartbreaking but so you know my medic's

531
00:43:36,780 --> 00:43:42,380
in the back now i'm driving code three and there's one area in orlando where it's single

532
00:43:42,380 --> 00:43:46,500
single lane where it kind of the road splits and it comes together again and there's this

533
00:43:46,500 --> 00:43:52,100
white car just will not yield and we're you know again pediatric cardiac arrest in the

534
00:43:52,100 --> 00:43:58,500
back and anyway when i passed them they finally you know gets to two lanes it says orange

535
00:43:58,500 --> 00:44:03,340
county fire prevention so it was one of our own fire prevention people wouldn't get out

536
00:44:03,340 --> 00:44:08,420
of the way and it wasn't you know even a low acuity call it was a pediatric cardiac arrest

537
00:44:08,420 --> 00:44:13,060
we're trying to get to the children's hospital there so you know i mean but it's that it's

538
00:44:13,060 --> 00:44:17,780
that community and that selflessness versus a selfishness and i think there's a lot of

539
00:44:17,780 --> 00:44:22,580
selfishness on the roads you know in in society at the moment i think people are inherently

540
00:44:22,580 --> 00:44:27,720
good but the way that we're uh you know some of the messaging they're getting from politicians

541
00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:33,620
and other things it's it's fertilizing that selfishness and that manifests even in life-saving

542
00:44:33,620 --> 00:44:39,300
you know yeah stories that we're talking about that selfishness and that driver almost killed

543
00:44:39,300 --> 00:44:43,380
all of you and was detrimental to who you were responding to and the selfishness of

544
00:44:43,380 --> 00:44:47,980
the woman that i was behind you know would we have saved that child's life you know probably

545
00:44:47,980 --> 00:44:53,020
not but could we have possibly and she may well have been the person that was between

546
00:44:53,020 --> 00:44:58,420
that child living and that child dying right and people are so distracted i mean i i saw

547
00:44:58,420 --> 00:45:01,780
it a lot with the rescue squad and things like that and eventually i got to drive the

548
00:45:01,780 --> 00:45:06,380
ambulance when i was 18 and experienced it from behind the wheel like you're saying but

549
00:45:06,380 --> 00:45:10,140
also with all those bike rides and all the bike racing i can't tell you the number of

550
00:45:10,140 --> 00:45:14,420
times that i would be clipped by a pickup truck's mirror and be flipped right on the

551
00:45:14,420 --> 00:45:19,900
side of the river road there was a boundary it went down to the river and three or four

552
00:45:19,900 --> 00:45:24,140
times i got clipped because the road was a little narrow but nobody paid attention it

553
00:45:24,140 --> 00:45:28,760
was like bikes were invisible you know and again anybody in the first responder stuff

554
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:33,020
kind of knows a lot of stories with motorcycles and stuff that's the biggest thing but on

555
00:45:33,020 --> 00:45:37,640
bicycles too and it always drove me crazy because i'm like how can you not be aware

556
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:42,300
when you're in these cars how can you be so unaware of seeing people and you're you're

557
00:45:42,300 --> 00:45:47,660
clipping people and knocking them off bikes and uh yeah it really is something that hasn't

558
00:45:47,660 --> 00:45:52,260
changed you know it's only gotten worse with all the distractions we have in the cars and

559
00:45:52,260 --> 00:45:56,620
all sorts of things that are beeping and wanting our attention you would think it would make

560
00:45:56,620 --> 00:46:03,340
it safer maybe some of it does but a lot of it is do people pay attention and it's amazing

561
00:46:03,340 --> 00:46:08,980
how people don't and a lot of that though i think sometimes i also found maybe it feels

562
00:46:08,980 --> 00:46:14,140
way sometimes it's like they just don't know what to do and that's that's kind of a big

563
00:46:14,140 --> 00:46:19,860
thing with mental health and even my own family with the struggles i went through people just

564
00:46:19,860 --> 00:46:24,340
didn't know even my own wife had trouble you know when i'm in the throes of alcoholism

565
00:46:24,340 --> 00:46:28,860
and using that as my short-term solution to deal with all this trauma all these emotions

566
00:46:28,860 --> 00:46:34,180
i do not want to face including stuff like the bipolar depression and i didn't realize

567
00:46:34,180 --> 00:46:37,700
at the time because when you're in the middle of it you think well sure why didn't they

568
00:46:37,700 --> 00:46:43,000
just talk to me and it wasn't they didn't want to but nobody knew how and and that's

569
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:48,540
why a lot of why i'm started too is to just stand up and talk kind of like you're raising

570
00:46:48,540 --> 00:46:53,860
awareness now on certain topics and it's so important because sometimes the most obvious

571
00:46:53,860 --> 00:46:58,660
is there but we need somebody to state it or point it out you know and then then you

572
00:46:58,660 --> 00:47:05,220
can get more awareness you can get some people to take action 100 well you touched on alcoholism

573
00:47:05,220 --> 00:47:10,500
obviously so there was a you know a downward spiral of sorts what made you transition out

574
00:47:10,500 --> 00:47:16,260
of ems and then walk me through again if i'm understanding the book the kind of pursuit

575
00:47:16,260 --> 00:47:22,260
of finance that followed that well so i i kept doing this through high school and then

576
00:47:22,260 --> 00:47:25,980
i also worked at an ambulance company at the same time there were several other people

577
00:47:25,980 --> 00:47:31,220
were emts so in summers and fall and things like that spring breaks i worked at an ambulance

578
00:47:31,220 --> 00:47:36,080
company so it was non-emergency calls so i was always involved with that went to college

579
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:41,380
was thinking of going to the medical field honestly my attention and different things

580
00:47:41,380 --> 00:47:45,300
i didn't have the aptitude to make it through medical school with the paying attention in

581
00:47:45,300 --> 00:47:50,600
school i could do a lot better today but i didn't then and so i transitioned i was looking

582
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:55,620
for answers i at one point started studying religion at the school i was at then i found

583
00:47:55,620 --> 00:48:00,660
i needed more structure i went to information technology i liked the idea of finding solutions

584
00:48:00,660 --> 00:48:05,020
so i graduated that degree go through all sorts of things at college and what i did

585
00:48:05,020 --> 00:48:12,700
then was threw myself into an it career but it was all sorts of i had jobs but they were

586
00:48:12,700 --> 00:48:18,880
always somewhat fringe jobs they kind of fit me i worked for unisys and i was a contractor

587
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:24,660
but i was on a coast guard base and so i started out my first it job living down on a shore

588
00:48:24,660 --> 00:48:30,080
on the jersey shore and working on a coast guard base and going and setting up computer

589
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:34,360
systems and doing support on all these travel around the country visit all the bases things

590
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:40,880
like that so again i think it's kind of just me i always look for those situations so i

591
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:44,900
transitioned out of the emt and all of that just looking for the next adventure if you

592
00:48:44,900 --> 00:48:50,180
will i never wasn't so much i thought like i'm going to give this up because i couldn't

593
00:48:50,180 --> 00:48:54,900
handle it it was more i just sort of started falling like i need to move on with a career

594
00:48:54,900 --> 00:49:01,700
with the college and it and things like that and then what happened was i feel like as

595
00:49:01,700 --> 00:49:06,980
i got to be more and more involved in things i like to write in the books i had more adventures

596
00:49:06,980 --> 00:49:10,820
and more things i was interested in and maybe even the funds to do some of these which led

597
00:49:10,820 --> 00:49:17,000
to greater misadventures and so yes i got into the to workforce but then i was pulling

598
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:22,420
stunts that really were horrible and i have all these problems in the background and a

599
00:49:22,420 --> 00:49:28,620
lot of it is what's happening is i'm letting my challenges so i'm i'm there at this point

600
00:49:28,620 --> 00:49:33,500
diagnosed with anxiety disorder i'm definitely using alcohol to treat it all the time and

601
00:49:33,500 --> 00:49:38,340
to treat some of the past trauma and again i'm just trying to like make my way through

602
00:49:38,340 --> 00:49:42,900
and i'm letting it kind of tell me what to do you know work some weird jobs work weird

603
00:49:42,900 --> 00:49:48,060
hours is that the best for me i'm not really sure but i love the adventure of it keep going

604
00:49:48,060 --> 00:49:53,820
keep pushing so i'm succeeding but i'm falling apart in the background and so i think whichever

605
00:49:53,820 --> 00:49:58,660
course i took i would have still been doing that moving up just like we do with the rescue

606
00:49:58,660 --> 00:50:03,900
squad keep moving up getting more and more in depth and things and what happened was

607
00:50:03,900 --> 00:50:10,380
i get to a point where on the surface i should have felt like a great success and i'm married

608
00:50:10,380 --> 00:50:15,700
we have a house we got into real estate and rental properties you know this is 2008 everybody's

609
00:50:15,700 --> 00:50:20,500
doing that they have the ability to buy cars i thought you needed multiple cars in order

610
00:50:20,500 --> 00:50:26,820
to be happy you know i went full on into consumerism and the reason i say that and i laugh about

611
00:50:26,820 --> 00:50:32,380
today is because all of these things were really driven by my challenges because when

612
00:50:32,380 --> 00:50:36,700
i was in the throes of depression and bipolar depression which i didn't even still know

613
00:50:36,700 --> 00:50:41,540
i had i would try to buy my way out of it so you want to you want to not be depressed

614
00:50:41,540 --> 00:50:46,780
you go out and get something you go out and buy some crazy stereo system or do something

615
00:50:46,780 --> 00:50:55,180
and i feel like i was sort of setting the direction but a lot of what i did was dictated

616
00:50:55,180 --> 00:51:01,420
by my challenges by my past experiences by these mental health challenges and and that's

617
00:51:01,420 --> 00:51:06,740
where they start taking control i mean i had relinquished so much control at that point

618
00:51:06,740 --> 00:51:11,900
that my ordinary experiences were things that should have stopped and would have stopped

619
00:51:11,900 --> 00:51:16,900
most people you know i'm spending time while i'm working a professional job and traveling

620
00:51:16,900 --> 00:51:21,660
around the country and then i'm spending a weekend in jail because i let alcohol take

621
00:51:21,660 --> 00:51:27,500
over you know i'm i'm at points where people are calling the police and here i am on the

622
00:51:27,500 --> 00:51:33,180
other side and i'm getting committed for 72 hour holds because i they don't know what

623
00:51:33,180 --> 00:51:39,080
is going on with me and i don't know what's going on and and that's where this went on

624
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:44,220
and literally one of the things i like to tell is it went on for like 20 years and i'm

625
00:51:44,220 --> 00:51:49,580
building all these successes on the surface and and the behind that is completely a mess

626
00:51:49,580 --> 00:51:54,940
and i have relinquished so much control to me that this is normal you know it's almost

627
00:51:54,940 --> 00:52:00,980
like i go back to once you've been and done some of the stuff at the emt you're not thrown

628
00:52:00,980 --> 00:52:04,860
by the first time you see an accident the next time it becomes a little more normal

629
00:52:04,860 --> 00:52:09,500
a little more normal and it's a good thing because you can protect yourself but you also

630
00:52:09,500 --> 00:52:14,180
have to be careful that you don't become so detached you know and so clinical about it

631
00:52:14,180 --> 00:52:20,020
that you forget there's an emotional angle and and that's where like we're talking at

632
00:52:20,020 --> 00:52:26,380
that point i'm struggling i'm full-blown alcoholic i'm drinking all the time i have these undiagnosed

633
00:52:26,380 --> 00:52:30,440
problems some diagnosed and i got to the point where i didn't want to be part of this world

634
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:35,100
anymore and you get to that point like you talked about i'd had enough i didn't think

635
00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:40,900
there was any hope at all and i just rolled the dice one day and i just drank and took

636
00:52:40,900 --> 00:52:45,100
pills and i said if i wake up then maybe there was something out of this maybe there was

637
00:52:45,100 --> 00:52:50,980
a reason and i literally rolled the dice which i can't even you know today i say that and

638
00:52:50,980 --> 00:52:55,700
like oh it's not nonchalant it is like wow i that was at the point i was at there was

639
00:52:55,700 --> 00:53:01,740
that cry for help even to myself and when i got a second chance that's when i've changed

640
00:53:01,740 --> 00:53:06,540
and turned my whole life in a different direction and that's why today when we're talking about

641
00:53:06,540 --> 00:53:09,940
it it's like sometimes i go over the top and people tell me to calm down because i'm so

642
00:53:09,940 --> 00:53:15,880
passionate about it because i have rescued myself found direction found this this thing

643
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:20,180
i want to talk about with everybody you know want to share all these experiences i'm okay

644
00:53:20,180 --> 00:53:25,020
with telling these people this because again when i start talking and this is one of the

645
00:53:25,020 --> 00:53:31,180
most amazing things you know all these places i run into so many conversations i can't believe

646
00:53:31,180 --> 00:53:35,380
that are happening and i'm sure you find that too i mean you you get guests on or but then

647
00:53:35,380 --> 00:53:38,480
you might be talking to somebody about a show somewhere and then all of a sudden they open

648
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:43,320
up and i think that's the amazing part of being able to talk about all this whether

649
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:49,100
it's the first responder stuff or even again talking about emotions you know even the people

650
00:53:49,100 --> 00:53:53,580
like what my wife went through on the outside of these things you know and understanding

651
00:53:53,580 --> 00:53:59,340
her emotions and trying to put all that together to help people i want to get to the consumerism

652
00:53:59,340 --> 00:54:03,900
in a second before we progress through to to the solutions that you found um but before

653
00:54:03,900 --> 00:54:10,420
we do and i i always like to ask this anyone who's been in that dark place who's who's

654
00:54:10,420 --> 00:54:16,100
basically planned their own you know suicide and i've had people on here that have executed

655
00:54:16,100 --> 00:54:20,860
it and survived and a lot of people that were almost there um or i mean like yourself you

656
00:54:20,860 --> 00:54:27,580
mean you did execute and you survived yep when we were all younger there was a very

657
00:54:27,580 --> 00:54:33,060
judgmental look at suicide it's cowardly it's selfish how can you do that to your family

658
00:54:33,060 --> 00:54:39,380
etc etc and what i've realized as i've become this you know perpetual student now of all

659
00:54:39,380 --> 00:54:45,780
all these things including mental health and hearing these first-hand accounts is that

660
00:54:45,780 --> 00:54:50,980
you cannot understand a broken mind with a healthy mind trying to understand that is

661
00:54:50,980 --> 00:54:54,300
like trying to think you know oh i wonder what it's like to break my femur when your

662
00:54:54,300 --> 00:54:58,820
leg isn't broken you know what i mean you can't you can't put your mind there and so

663
00:54:58,820 --> 00:55:02,860
when you listen to these men and women and children i mean i had you know a young high

664
00:55:02,860 --> 00:55:09,900
school student on here um you realize that at that moment their brain is telling them

665
00:55:09,900 --> 00:55:15,860
this this is the end to the pain but also i think this is not really um discussed is

666
00:55:15,860 --> 00:55:22,220
for almost all of them there's also a feeling of being a burden so when they say oh think

667
00:55:22,220 --> 00:55:26,820
about your loved ones like they are they feel like they are the problem to their children

668
00:55:26,820 --> 00:55:32,420
their their spouse whatever it is and so in their mind it's a selfless act it's a terrifying

669
00:55:32,420 --> 00:55:37,500
act but they're doing it for the greater good with that broken mind and i say broken with

670
00:55:37,500 --> 00:55:42,340
with compassion you know it's something that's happened to them when you got to that point

671
00:55:42,340 --> 00:55:47,540
two decades of battling with your mental health and then ultimately addiction was there an

672
00:55:47,540 --> 00:55:53,900
element of that in your perception yeah there was it was i mean i can remember to this day

673
00:55:53,900 --> 00:56:00,220
it wasn't it was more like it occurred it was like one of those thoughts you have in

674
00:56:00,220 --> 00:56:04,500
the back of your head for years and you start to think you know i'm not getting anywhere

675
00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:09,980
this is all it's ever going to be you know i can't control anything and i still remember

676
00:56:09,980 --> 00:56:17,700
that day i was working remote and i just like snapped i just had enough and it was almost

677
00:56:17,700 --> 00:56:22,940
like it's kind of one of those quirky sayings but it was almost like the pain of living

678
00:56:22,940 --> 00:56:28,820
was too great and the pain of not living seemed better which is that like you're saying it's

679
00:56:28,820 --> 00:56:35,820
that broken mind thinking but it's i reached a point where i thought rolling the dice a

680
00:56:35,820 --> 00:56:42,540
cry for help and and the thing that i remember though was it was in my case i was executing

681
00:56:42,540 --> 00:56:46,380
i was going through it i mean i i took the pills and enough that if somebody hadn't

682
00:56:46,380 --> 00:56:51,020
come but i made a phone call at the same time and i i tried to rescue myself at the same

683
00:56:51,020 --> 00:56:56,740
time and i was i was so conflicted you know i i just i knew i didn't want to do it but

684
00:56:56,740 --> 00:57:03,180
i knew i didn't want to be alive and at the same time what i found was that i just didn't

685
00:57:03,180 --> 00:57:09,220
know how to process anything anymore you know the emotions are what broke me and it's funny

686
00:57:09,220 --> 00:57:14,660
because today i will tell you the number one thing that has saved me is the emotions and

687
00:57:14,660 --> 00:57:19,620
being able to handle our emotions and that's hence the whole mental health but it's funny

688
00:57:19,620 --> 00:57:25,760
it it wasn't a specific event it wasn't even sometimes the thoughts it was just that feeling

689
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:31,820
like you're describing that there is no better solution you know and and again you're right

690
00:57:31,820 --> 00:57:37,460
it's not viewed as a positive you're not you know you you don't think it doesn't stop you

691
00:57:37,460 --> 00:57:43,700
because you know things i mean at that point i'd already if you will embarrass myself i'd

692
00:57:43,700 --> 00:57:47,260
already done so many horrible things being under the influence of alcohol drinking all

693
00:57:47,260 --> 00:57:53,060
the time i'd pull some outrageous stunts you know things like that i i had lost all self-worth

694
00:57:53,060 --> 00:57:59,820
i had lost that direction and that was i think that was really what drove me to this and

695
00:57:59,820 --> 00:58:03,780
what i see in a lot of people when i talk to them about this and people that have fought

696
00:58:03,780 --> 00:58:09,440
about it in that is you lose two things a sense of control and you lose a sense of direction

697
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:13,760
and without those two things it's like saying you can manage your emotions you know be positive

698
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:17,560
all the time but if you don't have a reason to be positive for if you're not going somewhere

699
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:21,220
in your life if you can't tie it into something you know in your life to bring that happiness

700
00:58:21,220 --> 00:58:30,460
each day it's kind of like hollow advice so yeah it was it was a it was uh it was something

701
00:58:30,460 --> 00:58:36,380
it's very hard to understand but it's also much like mental health or being part of these

702
00:58:36,380 --> 00:58:41,740
challenges and things or these experience being first responder the amazing part is

703
00:58:41,740 --> 00:58:46,580
is if somebody else has been through it you have that unspoken language and you can talk

704
00:58:46,580 --> 00:58:51,140
about it so openly that i think sometimes i stun people around me who don't have that

705
00:58:51,140 --> 00:58:54,580
and you're talking to somebody else in the middle of anywhere you know in the middle

706
00:58:54,580 --> 00:58:58,220
of line at the grocery store and you start talking about something like being bipolar

707
00:58:58,220 --> 00:59:03,460
or being an alcoholic and people are just stunned because you just don't hear that conversation

708
00:59:03,460 --> 00:59:08,220
but the two of you are speaking the same language and you're totally okay with it which is i

709
00:59:08,220 --> 00:59:14,180
think a testament to the power of bringing all this stuff out into the light i was listening

710
00:59:14,180 --> 00:59:19,740
to an interview that i did with a fire chief pat kenney and we just did a third episode

711
00:59:19,740 --> 00:59:24,740
and so i listened to the first one that we did and it was something that i hadn't really

712
00:59:24,740 --> 00:59:31,620
brought up again recently but he's a you know he has a devout faith and it made me realize

713
00:59:31,620 --> 00:59:38,980
that this is how strong this miswiring becomes in our mind how many people who are deeply

714
00:59:38,980 --> 00:59:44,580
embedded in their faith and their particular text tells them that suicide is a sin ultimately

715
00:59:44,580 --> 00:59:51,060
you're going to go to hell and they still do it if there's no better example of that

716
00:59:51,060 --> 00:59:57,900
miswiring and how strong that pull is the wrong way that you would still make that decision

717
00:59:57,900 --> 01:00:03,180
even though you might in your mind in your belief be you know experiencing eternal damnation

718
01:00:03,180 --> 01:00:07,780
or whatever it is so i think that was a powerful kind of way looking at it too i mean this

719
01:00:07,780 --> 01:00:14,100
is we you know conversely there's a lot of judgment shame and guilt around mental health

720
01:00:14,100 --> 01:00:20,540
around suicide but these holy texts i would argue talk about kindness and compassion which

721
01:00:20,540 --> 01:00:26,160
is actually what we need to apply to these men and women that are suffering absolutely

722
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:33,580
and that's that's the other side that's interesting you bring that up because after after i tried

723
01:00:33,580 --> 01:00:38,580
to do that and then i'm trying to rebuild my life basically the direction and a lot

724
01:00:38,580 --> 01:00:42,100
of what doctors are saying and people are saying was to get back to normal you know

725
01:00:42,100 --> 01:00:46,900
get back to work that'll give you a purpose go back to things and nobody wanted to even

726
01:00:46,900 --> 01:00:50,780
ask if it was right you know nobody wanted to ask is this the right direction for your

727
01:00:50,780 --> 01:00:55,660
life or have you dealt with any of those things it was like let's just restore things back

728
01:00:55,660 --> 01:01:00,540
to that normal again and it's it's kind of like what you're saying i mean it's like

729
01:01:00,540 --> 01:01:05,820
there are certain lines you think once you've done something under the influence and you've

730
01:01:05,820 --> 01:01:10,080
you've caused some you've been sent to jail for a weekend you would think that'd be enough

731
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:14,060
to wake you up and stop you but by monday or tuesday you're already thinking well i

732
01:01:14,060 --> 01:01:18,980
can get that escape again with another drink or again you're thinking my god my life is

733
01:01:18,980 --> 01:01:25,820
so horrible here's an out and even if it violates what you believe in faith even if you think

734
01:01:25,820 --> 01:01:31,700
maybe this is going to help everybody that misguided idea but then even and this is interesting

735
01:01:31,700 --> 01:01:37,140
even the people that have tried and then you're told to get back to normal and again it's

736
01:01:37,140 --> 01:01:41,300
to me it's the opposite you need to explore you need to get in touch with what caused

737
01:01:41,300 --> 01:01:46,020
it you need to be able to talk about it because otherwise you're going to end up going back

738
01:01:46,020 --> 01:01:53,260
towards it absolutely well just one more area before we talk about the becoming a mental

739
01:01:53,260 --> 01:01:59,980
health warrior let's check my notes out for a second consumerism this is another area

740
01:01:59,980 --> 01:02:05,220
i mean there's no better example than the u.s and don't get me wrong you know capitalism

741
01:02:05,220 --> 01:02:09,420
has its place of course a lot of us enjoy the creature comforts that we have and would

742
01:02:09,420 --> 01:02:13,340
be a hypocrite unless i was living off the grid somewhere to say otherwise we're literally

743
01:02:13,340 --> 01:02:18,680
having a conversation through a computer now but that being said i remember coming from

744
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:25,360
england and after a couple of years i found myself working for a fire department in california

745
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:31,820
and when i got there as you were just alluding to it was pre 2008 everyone was paying i mean

746
01:02:31,820 --> 01:02:38,460
just insane amounts for their houses everyone had winnebago's jet skis you know motocross

747
01:02:38,460 --> 01:02:44,140
bikes all the toys and one of the guests i had on recently said that particular area

748
01:02:44,140 --> 01:02:49,140
orange county there's a lot of that kind of keeping up with the jones's philosophy in

749
01:02:49,140 --> 01:02:53,420
in that area in general but when i look at it too there was a lot of overtime at the

750
01:02:53,420 --> 01:02:57,660
time a lot of forced overtime in my class and the class after me were the ones that

751
01:02:57,660 --> 01:03:03,060
kind of finally filled all the seats so that they were able to work more even though it

752
01:03:03,060 --> 01:03:09,060
was detrimental to their health but again it was so much i mean it was something that

753
01:03:09,060 --> 01:03:15,020
you know 20 years prior we only would have seen on mtv cribs you know the basketball

754
01:03:15,020 --> 01:03:19,660
players and the rappers and everything and now firefighters are doing it and then fast

755
01:03:19,660 --> 01:03:25,060
forward a few years a lot of those guys lost the house the winnebago the truck you know

756
01:03:25,060 --> 01:03:31,660
everything they lost almost everything because of the crash but you know whether it's children

757
01:03:31,660 --> 01:03:37,060
that grew up in the ghetto that ended up becoming mma fighters or football players and then

758
01:03:37,060 --> 01:03:41,380
are persuaded by the consumerist world that you need this diamond jewelry and you need

759
01:03:41,380 --> 01:03:48,860
this bentley and etc etc or whether it's you know the the the person who's a lawyer who's

760
01:03:48,860 --> 01:03:52,620
also being persuaded that you need the bentley and you know what i mean all of us are being

761
01:03:52,620 --> 01:03:57,320
told that we never have enough you know when it comes to buying things and i think now

762
01:03:57,320 --> 01:04:01,780
with amazon and things it's so easy just to click just like the qvc used to be addicted

763
01:04:01,780 --> 01:04:09,580
to some people you know 20 plus years ago so what is your perspective of that need to

764
01:04:09,580 --> 01:04:13,780
fill a void with purchasing because i think most of us if we put our hand on our heart

765
01:04:13,780 --> 01:04:18,140
would say that we do get a little dopamine hit whether it's a ten dollar amazon purchase

766
01:04:18,140 --> 01:04:23,700
or you know a twenty thousand dollar car but each of those are temporary i don't think

767
01:04:23,700 --> 01:04:29,180
there's anyone five years later still just you know buzzing about their new car purchase

768
01:04:29,180 --> 01:04:35,700
right and and that's i will wholeheartedly admit i threw myself into that and i took

769
01:04:35,700 --> 01:04:39,900
us into that where at one point there's just my wife and i so there's we don't have any

770
01:04:39,900 --> 01:04:45,180
kids there's some pets but they're not driving and uh we had five cars because you need a

771
01:04:45,180 --> 01:04:49,460
choice every morning and various cars you know you need a you need a high-end car you

772
01:04:49,460 --> 01:04:53,700
need a rough and ready suv of course you need all these things then we got into the real

773
01:04:53,700 --> 01:04:58,860
estate investing and we had several rental properties all around and so we have all this

774
01:04:58,860 --> 01:05:02,580
stuff and then the house we had had seven acres and you've got to have a huge lawn

775
01:05:02,580 --> 01:05:08,060
to cut you know and make it all look nice and an extra space and we kept buying bigger

776
01:05:08,060 --> 01:05:12,860
so first of all i'll just come clean i'm completely guilty of falling into that trap

777
01:05:12,860 --> 01:05:17,340
the reason and i think that's so detrimental and the reason that is even part of what i'm

778
01:05:17,340 --> 01:05:23,140
doing today is to recognize that is because a lot of people use that to fill the gaps

779
01:05:23,140 --> 01:05:28,180
like i did when you fall into a depression or you fall into anxiety or something you

780
01:05:28,180 --> 01:05:32,860
can use things to fill those gaps and you can also use things to fill the gaps when

781
01:05:32,860 --> 01:05:36,620
you don't have the self-confidence because maybe you're anxious about everything and

782
01:05:36,620 --> 01:05:39,860
you're you're doing a good job but you don't recognize it because you're so fearful all

783
01:05:39,860 --> 01:05:45,340
the time and so i think consumerism is that quick i call them the short-term answers the

784
01:05:45,340 --> 01:05:50,780
short-term solutions i liken it to i always knew i could go and get a drink and instantly

785
01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:54,660
be transported to you know life's a lot better after a few drinks and all of a sudden

786
01:05:54,660 --> 01:05:58,380
everything looks prettier well you go out and look out and your yard's bigger and your

787
01:05:58,380 --> 01:06:03,860
house is big and all these things what i didn't realize was how much it was costing me and

788
01:06:03,860 --> 01:06:10,340
today i see that completely and it's funny one of the things that happened was we did lose

789
01:06:10,340 --> 01:06:13,780
that house of cards you know we had every house stacked on the next one to get all these

790
01:06:13,780 --> 01:06:18,300
rentals and the cars we had them but we certainly couldn't afford them you know and we couldn't

791
01:06:18,300 --> 01:06:23,260
do us so again they started falling apart and we ended up having to declare bankruptcy

792
01:06:23,260 --> 01:06:29,420
and we lost the whole house of dominoes and we were down to things but today we are making

793
01:06:29,420 --> 01:06:34,300
choices that my old self would have scoffed at wouldn't even be in the room to listen to

794
01:06:34,300 --> 01:06:39,740
you know we have one car and we make it work because we like to do things and we like to

795
01:06:39,740 --> 01:06:43,060
do things together and then when we're out we might go and do things at a park like a

796
01:06:43,060 --> 01:06:47,540
workout and we might meet other people there you obviously don't care what car you bring

797
01:06:47,540 --> 01:06:50,580
to the park when you're doing a workout you know or if you're going on a trip somewhere

798
01:06:50,580 --> 01:06:55,700
and taking a little trip again i've changed this whole perspective and i think when people

799
01:06:55,700 --> 01:07:01,060
realize why they were using it or what they think it might have brought to them i think

800
01:07:01,060 --> 01:07:05,100
that's when you poke the holes in the consumerism and you start to realize and my biggest thing

801
01:07:05,100 --> 01:07:09,220
is and i'm not trying to tout it but one of the books was i wrote this book called one

802
01:07:09,220 --> 01:07:13,740
bag life because that premise suddenly hit me as i was getting better mental health was

803
01:07:13,740 --> 01:07:18,700
what if everything that made me happy could fit in one bag and i said really it's about

804
01:07:18,700 --> 01:07:23,700
less stuff more experiences and i say that because that had a huge impact on my mental

805
01:07:23,700 --> 01:07:29,860
health and it also helped me kind of stop the nonsense and deal with some of those past

806
01:07:29,860 --> 01:07:34,980
traumas deal with some of the situations and realize you know i was actually causing a

807
01:07:34,980 --> 01:07:39,220
lot of it you know some of it was genetic some of it's certain conditions i had but

808
01:07:39,220 --> 01:07:44,260
by having all these requirements are always needing more i was putting myself on a hamster

809
01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:49,340
wheel of anxiety and stress and if i didn't have them like you said then i must be doing

810
01:07:49,340 --> 01:07:54,660
something wrong you know everybody else is succeeding and yet it's really just like

811
01:07:54,660 --> 01:08:00,380
ours was a facade and it turns out you know when you just become a real person and you

812
01:08:00,380 --> 01:08:04,020
do with real life experiences and you start to connect with others again and do those

813
01:08:04,020 --> 01:08:08,780
things it's amazing it's like seeing the other side of like wow how could we be so

814
01:08:08,780 --> 01:08:15,620
wrong and i do see because i'm giving some talks these days and stuff and i it's funny

815
01:08:15,620 --> 01:08:19,300
when i talk to teenagers and things like that they're so caught up in it because like you

816
01:08:19,300 --> 01:08:23,220
said it's everywhere on on all the social media sites and it's like if you don't have

817
01:08:23,220 --> 01:08:27,980
all these things you're not doing something right and i'm like you can have all those

818
01:08:27,980 --> 01:08:31,660
and it won't bring any of that happiness you have to like make them aware and show them

819
01:08:31,660 --> 01:08:35,180
hey think about what you really do when you hang out with your friends it's about hanging

820
01:08:35,180 --> 01:08:38,780
out with your friends nobody really cares what car you came in or where you know how

821
01:08:38,780 --> 01:08:43,340
you got there it's the experience it's a it's an interesting quirky concept but you know

822
01:08:43,340 --> 01:08:48,820
it it's like i look at the way we live today and everything has a little purpose because

823
01:08:48,820 --> 01:08:54,580
most of the time we spend doing things we're engaging in life and before it was all about

824
01:08:54,580 --> 01:08:59,060
you know if you're going on a trip it has to be so over the top and yet today you can

825
01:08:59,060 --> 01:09:04,340
take the simplest trip or the simplest experience and it becomes i like to call extraordinary

826
01:09:04,340 --> 01:09:09,220
you know i can go out in the morning and get coffee and actually have time to have coffee

827
01:09:09,220 --> 01:09:13,820
where i'm not running frantic or recovering from all my mistakes from the night before

828
01:09:13,820 --> 01:09:18,580
and i'm like i am so over the top for that 15 minutes i can't believe i missed it all

829
01:09:18,580 --> 01:09:25,340
these years and today i'm like this is fantastic so i agree 100 i traveled around the world

830
01:09:25,340 --> 01:09:32,740
with a backpack and a guitar and a girlfriend at the time around 2000 and it was amazing

831
01:09:32,740 --> 01:09:37,140
because it was eventually i got hired and ended up working in japan so then i had a

832
01:09:37,140 --> 01:09:42,000
little apartment i'd start buying things again but for months and months and months it was

833
01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:45,900
everything was in that backpack and you realize what you can get by with a couple pairs of

834
01:09:45,900 --> 01:09:50,540
shoes or pair of shoes and pair of flip flops and a couple pairs of jeans shorts and a hoodie

835
01:09:50,540 --> 01:09:55,300
you know and then a guitar and so you know you go into places and hostels and you start

836
01:09:55,300 --> 01:10:01,020
jamming with other people and it was it was really eye-opening how little we need and

837
01:10:01,020 --> 01:10:06,540
then when i was in california i when i moved to the u.s i bought a nissan centra for cash

838
01:10:06,540 --> 01:10:11,780
um little stick shift which made it all the way from florida to california when i was

839
01:10:11,780 --> 01:10:15,620
there they used to call it my cream puff and they all had all the big trucks and everything

840
01:10:15,620 --> 01:10:20,700
but then you know a few years later i ended up having to move back to the east coast drove

841
01:10:20,700 --> 01:10:26,620
it all the way back and and traded it in with 309 000 miles on the clock still working yeah

842
01:10:26,620 --> 01:10:31,540
but no car payments and it got me from a to b the same as all these other vehicles that

843
01:10:31,540 --> 01:10:36,460
these guys had so despite the resistance and the push to get on the property ladder and

844
01:10:36,460 --> 01:10:40,900
all the things because i was fortunate enough to have that baseline and that kind of firstly

845
01:10:40,900 --> 01:10:45,460
growing up on a farm and not being exposed to a lot of you know materialism but then

846
01:10:45,460 --> 01:10:50,860
this kind of humbling journey with a backpack it really did help calibrate and give you

847
01:10:50,860 --> 01:10:55,860
a little bit more strength to push against this bombardment of you don't have enough

848
01:10:55,860 --> 01:10:59,980
and kind of have this well i don't care you know i don't i just i don't care so you go

849
01:10:59,980 --> 01:11:04,560
buy your stuff but i'm happy and then like you said then you have the funds to travel

850
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:09,060
and you have the ability to be a little bit more present which i think is so much more

851
01:11:09,060 --> 01:11:13,620
valuable than stuff to the point where there's people that have you know storage units full

852
01:11:13,620 --> 01:11:18,740
of stuff and the house like that's really a red flag just in itself right absolutely

853
01:11:18,740 --> 01:11:23,700
and then we moved out of the house down to tennessee my wife got a job there and we were

854
01:11:23,700 --> 01:11:27,620
going to an apartment after being in a house for 20 years and then having all this stuff

855
01:11:27,620 --> 01:11:32,180
and at first i thought it was the end of the world and after a few weekends there we'd

856
01:11:32,180 --> 01:11:36,540
go out bike riding over at this park and we'd do some rock climbing bike bike riding and

857
01:11:36,540 --> 01:11:41,400
i realized every house we drove by somebody's out doing yard work raking the leaves taking

858
01:11:41,400 --> 01:11:45,500
out the trash you know taking things and taking care of the house and i'm like that's what

859
01:11:45,500 --> 01:11:49,540
we used to be we would never have time to do this you know it suddenly struck me i'm

860
01:11:49,540 --> 01:11:54,320
like this is one of the greatest things like you said taking a chance moving to an apartment

861
01:11:54,320 --> 01:11:57,860
and suddenly finding i don't have all those responsibilities when there's something wrong

862
01:11:57,860 --> 01:12:02,180
you call somebody and it was like at first that sounds terrible because you don't own

863
01:12:02,180 --> 01:12:07,220
it but then you own your time and i was able to do we were able to do so much and have

864
01:12:07,220 --> 01:12:12,860
in the last years then too it's it's like the weekends don't become chore time and task

865
01:12:12,860 --> 01:12:20,020
time they become time to do the things you really value i had a divorce and then ultimately

866
01:12:20,020 --> 01:12:24,740
that led to a foreclosure and a bankruptcy um you know the house that we bought was going

867
01:12:24,740 --> 01:12:29,520
to be a two-income house you know the family dynamic changed actually got the mortgage

868
01:12:29,520 --> 01:12:33,940
kind of reconfigured and still ended up losing it which was a shame but i did at least get

869
01:12:33,940 --> 01:12:39,460
some equity in that house um but then we went to an apartment so firstly i had to tell my

870
01:12:39,460 --> 01:12:44,660
family that i'd failed that we were losing the house um and then that we downsized to

871
01:12:44,660 --> 01:12:51,660
an apartment just like you said once you shirk off those useless emotions of shame and guilt

872
01:12:51,660 --> 01:12:56,060
it was awesome it was liberating we got rid of the stuff that we didn't need we got back

873
01:12:56,060 --> 01:13:00,260
down and we did end up you know going then six months later and buying a house again

874
01:13:00,260 --> 01:13:05,660
but it was around the corner from a little strip mall um you know the the boys had to

875
01:13:05,660 --> 01:13:11,380
share a room but it also made you realize that when you think the world is collapsing

876
01:13:11,380 --> 01:13:16,860
when the world is ending again it's a reminder like you just need clothes you need shelter

877
01:13:16,860 --> 01:13:22,160
and you need your family that's it everything else is fluff and so just like you coming

878
01:13:22,160 --> 01:13:26,140
back down and being forced to a two-bedroom apartment for a while with a german shepherd

879
01:13:26,140 --> 01:13:31,860
um you know for six months we ended up really enjoying it and we look back fondly at that

880
01:13:31,860 --> 01:13:35,180
and i love where i live now we did get a you know a home with a little bit more space again

881
01:13:35,180 --> 01:13:41,600
but um but yeah i think it's it's terrifying at first but it's actually liberating once

882
01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:47,020
you let some of those superfluous emotions just come and go yeah absolutely and we did

883
01:13:47,020 --> 01:13:50,600
it and we've gone through some struggles in the last years and we've moved to several

884
01:13:50,600 --> 01:13:55,580
states like i mentioned uh with my wife working remote and all that and at one point we had

885
01:13:55,580 --> 01:14:00,740
the two cars and we sold one and we were fully intending we'd do it as a short-term fix and

886
01:14:00,740 --> 01:14:05,400
now we're like no we can do one car and the funny thing is you tell people about they

887
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:09,540
first get a little quizzical and then they start asking how do you do it you know how

888
01:14:09,540 --> 01:14:13,340
does that work and then what you go out on the weekends and do stuff too you know how

889
01:14:13,340 --> 01:14:16,900
do you not have all these like you said all these other responsibilities that didn't help

890
01:14:16,900 --> 01:14:23,660
me so i find it interesting too because there's a lot of people that are um intrigued by it

891
01:14:23,660 --> 01:14:27,720
and sometimes you wouldn't expect that you know here you're like we're talking about

892
01:14:27,720 --> 01:14:31,120
something we thought was terrible we find it great but what i also find interesting

893
01:14:31,120 --> 01:14:37,300
is other people are asking us about it now and i'm hoping we can tune them into some

894
01:14:37,300 --> 01:14:41,340
of these ideas you know and help them with some of these ideas that maybe will change

895
01:14:41,340 --> 01:14:46,760
and help their mental health you know it helps you being able to feel different about things

896
01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:51,620
absolutely well speaking of mental health then you kind of left us you know 20 years

897
01:14:51,620 --> 01:15:00,500
deep a um a suicide attempt that thank goodness you survived so walk me through your kind

898
01:15:00,500 --> 01:15:06,340
of um metamorphosis from that and how you came up with the concept of the mental health

899
01:15:06,340 --> 01:15:14,680
warrior so i i knew at that point and this is what's interesting so we we have the attempted

900
01:15:14,680 --> 01:15:19,820
suicide and we have this new bruce coming out but he didn't come out right away i even

901
01:15:19,820 --> 01:15:25,420
went back to some old habits and i just couldn't make anything stick and it was at that point

902
01:15:25,420 --> 01:15:31,340
i realized you know okay you've been through all of this and nothing's changing and that

903
01:15:31,340 --> 01:15:36,660
was when i came to this realization because what happened was i wanted to help people

904
01:15:36,660 --> 01:15:40,420
so i got certified as a personal trainer you know i didn't want to go back to corporate

905
01:15:40,420 --> 01:15:44,900
day school as i'm saying and i we had like a small antiques business and i'm going to

906
01:15:44,900 --> 01:15:49,420
get personal trainer then a health coach then i got into became a nutrition coach and i'm

907
01:15:49,420 --> 01:15:53,980
thinking i'm going to help people on that but all along i realized and i realized by

908
01:15:53,980 --> 01:15:59,340
looking at myself and all the challenges that the emotions were what stopped me all in the

909
01:15:59,340 --> 01:16:04,340
past what it caused all these problems not being able to handle fearing my own emotions

910
01:16:04,340 --> 01:16:09,740
and i suddenly realized well these other things are all good it's still emotions because emotions

911
01:16:09,740 --> 01:16:12,820
and like to challenge people you know it's involved in every aspect of life you can't

912
01:16:12,820 --> 01:16:17,300
think of anything you do in a day where you don't have emotions involved and sometimes

913
01:16:17,300 --> 01:16:20,500
they'll propel you you know to be able to do them but sometimes they just come with

914
01:16:20,500 --> 01:16:24,180
the basic like i'm saying getting a cup of coffee and the emotions of contentment and

915
01:16:24,180 --> 01:16:30,100
your emotions of i'm enjoying this landing on that is what started all this and i realized

916
01:16:30,100 --> 01:16:36,420
mental health is to me is the most powerful thing out there and it had the power to take

917
01:16:36,420 --> 01:16:42,140
me down all those years which meant if it is that powerful it has the power to do amazing

918
01:16:42,140 --> 01:16:47,500
things for people when we learn to manage it and then what do you do with that i kind

919
01:16:47,500 --> 01:16:52,100
of go back to when i was the emt and learning all this stuff as a kid the first thing you

920
01:16:52,100 --> 01:16:57,500
go in is manage the scene and the first thing you do is don't rush in either you know because

921
01:16:57,500 --> 01:17:01,940
you don't end up being another wreck on a wreck or something but you have to manage

922
01:17:01,940 --> 01:17:06,740
the scene and i'm like that means a little structure so i came up with this idea of the

923
01:17:06,740 --> 01:17:09,980
mental health warrior because rather than just say hey we're gonna take care of our

924
01:17:09,980 --> 01:17:14,580
mental health and have that associated it's kind of a weakness like you were saying it's

925
01:17:14,580 --> 01:17:19,180
looked down upon all that i'm like let's break the stigma we're gonna be warriors and we're

926
01:17:19,180 --> 01:17:23,780
gonna be mental health warriors and that right alone says to people hey we're gonna take

927
01:17:23,780 --> 01:17:28,420
this in a positive direction in a powerful direction and it just started snowballing

928
01:17:28,420 --> 01:17:33,380
because i started saying well how can i help people and what i need to do is create a program

929
01:17:33,380 --> 01:17:38,340
which gives people some elements of what a warrior is and so i created there's four

930
01:17:38,340 --> 01:17:44,500
components of it and i took all those 20 years of lessons and even other lessons and poured

931
01:17:44,500 --> 01:17:49,940
them in and the four components match up to a lot of what we've been talking about you

932
01:17:49,940 --> 01:17:54,380
have a creed which is bend not break and so you say right away i'm not going to let life

933
01:17:54,380 --> 01:17:58,140
just break me just like when you're on a scene you know you can't break because then you

934
01:17:58,140 --> 01:18:03,700
can't help somebody if they're struggling and then i said well values everybody talks

935
01:18:03,700 --> 01:18:08,100
about mental health and take care of your emotions but again if you don't set your values

936
01:18:08,100 --> 01:18:13,460
and what's important and pick your direction for your life you won't go in the right place

937
01:18:13,460 --> 01:18:18,780
and you will just be unhappy and i found this because at one point i'm trying to get sober

938
01:18:18,780 --> 01:18:22,540
and i think i wrote about in the book in that first one where i switched over i said well

939
01:18:22,540 --> 01:18:25,940
i'll take some value to calm my nerves you know i'll just take pills and you can get

940
01:18:25,940 --> 01:18:30,420
them online it's no big deal and next thing i know i'm not drinking and i've achieved

941
01:18:30,420 --> 01:18:35,540
my goal but all i've done is switch to another addiction all i've done is bring in more problems

942
01:18:35,540 --> 01:18:40,500
so i said values have to be an important part and it tells you how do you want to live and

943
01:18:40,500 --> 01:18:44,220
what are you trying to go after in life and that's going to play a huge role in your mental

944
01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:50,700
health which like we were saying the one bag life is part of that values it's part of less

945
01:18:50,700 --> 01:18:56,220
stuff more experiences and that has that positive mental health and then the last two pieces

946
01:18:56,220 --> 01:19:01,340
were mindset rules and mental health warrior tools and mindset rules are certain truths

947
01:19:01,340 --> 01:19:04,940
i see out there we need to remind ourselves on and there are guidance they're the things

948
01:19:04,940 --> 01:19:10,340
that can keep us out of trouble and keep us get us out of trouble and i put all that together

949
01:19:10,340 --> 01:19:15,660
with a series of tools and all these things that i believe we can do so much throughout

950
01:19:15,660 --> 01:19:20,940
the day without disrupting our life to take care of mental health and the warriors is to position

951
01:19:20,940 --> 01:19:25,340
it as we always know there's the advanced help you know there's the doctors and the medicines

952
01:19:25,340 --> 01:19:29,340
and things but what can you do every day you know what are the powerful things you can do

953
01:19:29,340 --> 01:19:38,140
and so that's kind of the how it came together and then today it's it just keeps spinning into

954
01:19:38,140 --> 01:19:42,300
more things um you know additional books and trying to bring this message out to people

955
01:19:42,300 --> 01:19:48,220
so from your personal journey of you end up you know uh teaching with these tools that you use

956
01:19:48,220 --> 01:19:55,420
but what was your personal experience how are you able to apply this to yourself so so i had to look

957
01:19:55,820 --> 01:20:02,300
and decide things like what did what makes up bruce shooter you know what what does he want to

958
01:20:02,300 --> 01:20:07,820
stand for do i want to go after something or fall back and just you know go back to what i had before

959
01:20:07,820 --> 01:20:15,020
do i want to work in it again do i want to try and help people and do all this stuff and my journey

960
01:20:15,020 --> 01:20:21,100
was i kind of went back to like we started this whole conversation back when i was 16 17 18 being

961
01:20:21,100 --> 01:20:26,540
an emt and seeing the value and and the power of helping people in a life or death situation

962
01:20:27,100 --> 01:20:32,460
well i want to bring my experiences and help people because i've changed i view things

963
01:20:32,460 --> 01:20:37,820
completely different you know the the bruce has come around in those 20 years and found

964
01:20:37,820 --> 01:20:42,380
themselves again if you will and i'm back to wanting to do something that has that meaning

965
01:20:42,940 --> 01:20:49,500
and i also want to stand up and make that mark with mental health and alcoholism and suicide

966
01:20:49,500 --> 01:20:54,380
awareness and all those things because i just feel like somebody needs to talk about those things

967
01:20:54,380 --> 01:21:01,740
and it has become it has become my passion obsession you know like like you do on any good

968
01:21:01,740 --> 01:21:09,420
career or anything and it has changed who i am which has changed how i act and changed well how

969
01:21:09,420 --> 01:21:18,060
i view success or how i view the day and and i just find it i don't know how to describe it

970
01:21:18,060 --> 01:21:27,180
sometimes in words but i find it it's a amazing new path where i find myself so in awe of some

971
01:21:27,180 --> 01:21:32,220
of the things in life you know because i'm actually living life today is the best way i can describe

972
01:21:32,220 --> 01:21:36,700
it before i was just going through life you know and and that's something makes me want to share

973
01:21:36,700 --> 01:21:42,940
it with everybody well earlier you touched on kind of not being aware and no one really having the

974
01:21:42,940 --> 01:21:48,860
conversations when it came to the bipolar the anxiety depression when when did you have a

975
01:21:48,860 --> 01:21:53,980
realization that that was actually you know a mental health diagnosis and again how have you been

976
01:21:53,980 --> 01:22:01,980
able to to stabilize the extremes that you were experiencing before so i didn't get diagnosed with

977
01:22:01,980 --> 01:22:08,300
the bipolar until i was 40 so i got diagnosed early on the anxiety disorders social anxiety

978
01:22:08,300 --> 01:22:14,380
the anxiety disorders social anxiety generalized anxiety the alcohol problem was kind of unknown

979
01:22:14,380 --> 01:22:19,740
you know and when i finally went and ended up in a facility for this outpatient treatment after

980
01:22:19,740 --> 01:22:25,660
trying to kill myself the doctor came and told me hey you ever heard of word bipolar boy you fit this

981
01:22:25,660 --> 01:22:31,820
to a t you know after talking with him and i said oh my god that was a turning point because what he

982
01:22:31,820 --> 01:22:37,500
gave me was information and gave me a starting point and it was like it was like the the doors

983
01:22:37,500 --> 01:22:43,580
opened up and i was like oh my god i can put a name to it now i can learn about it and what it

984
01:22:43,580 --> 01:22:50,300
helped me do then was to take action and not feel like i have zero control you know you're going to

985
01:22:50,300 --> 01:22:55,420
go talk to specialists you're going to talk to a therapist and i took the tact of working together

986
01:22:55,420 --> 01:23:03,660
with them and trying to work with them it really changed how i wanted to stabilize everything

987
01:23:03,660 --> 01:23:10,140
because i i worked with all the traditional routes but i ran into so many problems that i got to the

988
01:23:10,140 --> 01:23:15,580
point where i wanted to show people you can do yourself i'm not saying meds didn't play a role

989
01:23:15,580 --> 01:23:19,820
they helped get me some clarity of thought but there were so many side effects in my case and so

990
01:23:19,820 --> 01:23:24,700
many problems and i switched through like 20 30 meds never getting one to really work and then i

991
01:23:24,700 --> 01:23:28,300
found there were so many lifestyle changes and so many things i could do as this mental health

992
01:23:28,300 --> 01:23:34,540
warrior that i found i could actually move forward that way you know i could i could find other

993
01:23:34,540 --> 01:23:40,140
routes i i'm not saying i wouldn't go back and need help at times um but it opens the door because

994
01:23:40,140 --> 01:23:44,780
you're not limited anymore and you're not limited to just here's all you can do about it you know

995
01:23:44,780 --> 01:23:51,980
here's the only choice that you have it's there's some people that have had good experiences with

996
01:23:51,980 --> 01:23:56,620
meds but i would argue they're few and far between at least the people that come on the show and it

997
01:23:56,620 --> 01:24:03,100
it makes perfect sense to me if there's purely some sort of neurochemical imbalance and that is it so

998
01:24:03,100 --> 01:24:10,780
for example it seems like schizophrenia is one that tends to be more reliant on meds but it the

999
01:24:10,780 --> 01:24:17,100
rest of us the other 90 whatever percent it's about the traumas you know it's about you know the

1000
01:24:17,660 --> 01:24:23,020
the nucleus the the kind of p beneath all the mattresses as it were and so if you just simply

1001
01:24:23,020 --> 01:24:27,980
medicate in someone you're never addressing the origin the same way as you know people that do

1002
01:24:29,020 --> 01:24:34,060
psilocybin or ketamine but there's no council or no shaman along with them and they don't have a

1003
01:24:34,060 --> 01:24:39,100
very good response it's because you haven't unpacked the things that you need to unpack so

1004
01:24:39,740 --> 01:24:44,460
you know then you add in the side effects as you said and sometimes you know suicide ideation is

1005
01:24:44,460 --> 01:24:51,740
one of the side effects um i hope that the more holistic um tools whether it's you know your

1006
01:24:51,740 --> 01:24:56,540
program and all the other ones are out there everything from emdr to the good psychedelic

1007
01:24:56,540 --> 01:25:03,260
therapies um the one day you know meds will be in that toolbox but there'll be just one small piece

1008
01:25:03,260 --> 01:25:09,180
of a much bigger puzzle because i don't think people realize how many options are available to

1009
01:25:09,180 --> 01:25:15,100
them but the thing is as you said there's that quick fix element which i think psych meds more

1010
01:25:15,100 --> 01:25:20,460
often than not fit you know ritalin and all these other things that we throw at our men women and

1011
01:25:20,460 --> 01:25:25,420
children and you know i think you have to ask yourself am i actually getting to the root cause

1012
01:25:25,420 --> 01:25:30,940
of my problem whether it's a blood pressure med or a psych med am i fixing the thing that caused

1013
01:25:30,940 --> 01:25:37,260
us in the first place yeah absolutely and i went through that with i was such a wreck physically

1014
01:25:37,260 --> 01:25:42,220
from the drinking and from all the bad behaviors that i was pre-diabetic overweight having all

1015
01:25:42,220 --> 01:25:45,820
these blood pressure issues and i went to the doctor and they were like you got to go on

1016
01:25:45,820 --> 01:25:49,820
statins you got to go on all these other meds and i said no i'm gonna do lifestyle changes and i

1017
01:25:49,820 --> 01:25:54,780
guess they don't hear that a lot so i fought with them for a while and we made a deal six months i

1018
01:25:54,780 --> 01:26:00,060
get to prove it if it doesn't work then i'll take your choice i proved it to them i never even had

1019
01:26:00,060 --> 01:26:04,700
to go on the meds i fixed all these things with lifestyle and i started thinking well wait what

1020
01:26:04,700 --> 01:26:08,780
about all these lifestyle things you can do for your mental health and that's where i'm trying to

1021
01:26:08,780 --> 01:26:13,980
take some of my background and i've one of the books out now is the three food rules for mental

1022
01:26:13,980 --> 01:26:19,660
health because again the foods we eat have a correlation to our mental health they they affect

1023
01:26:19,660 --> 01:26:24,460
the physiological part of our body which in turn affects our mental health the processing of things

1024
01:26:25,340 --> 01:26:29,420
how well your blood's flowing is going to affect how well you're thinking and clarity you know and

1025
01:26:29,420 --> 01:26:34,540
if you're feeding it it was sugar all the time and i kept them simple but they're all simple

1026
01:26:34,540 --> 01:26:40,300
lifestyle changes that have so many powerful you know results that i just love exploring that with

1027
01:26:40,300 --> 01:26:44,380
people and that's that's where things like we're talking about you have things like the one bag

1028
01:26:44,380 --> 01:26:48,780
life which is like a mindset and that is a mental health benefit we have these three food rules as

1029
01:26:48,780 --> 01:26:53,580
part of the program to help people see you know because i'm as guilty as especially back when

1030
01:26:53,580 --> 01:26:57,820
you're a first responder and stuff everything's on the go and you grab whatever you can and then

1031
01:26:57,820 --> 01:27:03,980
you leave it and come back to it you know 20 times over but it's just amazing what you can do and i'd

1032
01:27:03,980 --> 01:27:09,340
like to see that i'd like to see more people take ownership of what they can do knowing that you have

1033
01:27:09,340 --> 01:27:14,460
these advanced things if you need them you know knowing that if you need to go in for some therapy

1034
01:27:15,100 --> 01:27:20,380
my hope is that then you take your ownership with you and you go in and work with a therapist as

1035
01:27:20,380 --> 01:27:25,420
opposed to going in and saying i don't know what to do and i have no ownership again you know because

1036
01:27:25,420 --> 01:27:31,260
that'll bring you back to where i felt at that day i have no choices i have no forward momentum i

1037
01:27:31,260 --> 01:27:37,820
can't go anywhere so what's the point and i'm just really hoping we can keep inspiring people

1038
01:27:37,820 --> 01:27:43,020
showing them what they can do yeah well i mean it's a very unique perspective that you have as well

1039
01:27:43,020 --> 01:27:48,540
so i would love to kind of educate people on you know the books and then obviously the the site as

1040
01:27:48,540 --> 01:27:53,340
well so so tell people the the spectrum of books that you have out there and where are the best

1041
01:27:53,340 --> 01:27:59,900
places to find them and the courses so everything is centered right now the website is bruce shooter

1042
01:27:59,900 --> 01:28:05,500
dot com and that's kind of the kickoff point because what we have is we've got nine books out

1043
01:28:05,500 --> 01:28:10,780
so we've got the one book that talks about how it's it's i triumphed over bipolar alcoholism

1044
01:28:10,780 --> 01:28:15,340
and anxiety disorders by coming a mental health warrior and it lays out my story that we've been

1045
01:28:15,340 --> 01:28:19,900
talking about and lays out those four components then there's the other eight books that really

1046
01:28:19,900 --> 01:28:25,500
get into taking action in specific areas and you can find all these with the website and then they're

1047
01:28:25,500 --> 01:28:29,660
all up on amazon so you can get the ebooks and the you know we're trying to get them up on some other

1048
01:28:29,660 --> 01:28:36,300
sites each of the books it's got my quirky writing style you're not going to find textbooks you're

1049
01:28:36,300 --> 01:28:42,860
not going to find a lot of super complicated discussions even in the food areas i created that

1050
01:28:42,860 --> 01:28:48,140
one for for example with three food rules because i got so tired of trying to follow some of the

1051
01:28:48,780 --> 01:28:52,620
diets that can help you out there but are so restrictive there's no way to sustain them you

1052
01:28:52,620 --> 01:28:59,260
know and i tried to keep things simple but real some of the other books there's a journal there's

1053
01:28:59,260 --> 01:29:05,420
a journal there's also one that came a big part from my emt experience and the whole experience

1054
01:29:05,420 --> 01:29:11,340
it's called euphoria of today and what it is is its mindfulness of today practice of mindfulness

1055
01:29:11,340 --> 01:29:17,500
of today i call it and the idea was when you have wreckage of the past whether it's mental health

1056
01:29:17,500 --> 01:29:23,420
issues or other things and you also then have a fear of the future what if we focus on today

1057
01:29:23,420 --> 01:29:29,020
what if we really live in today because that's the only place we really have control and yet

1058
01:29:29,020 --> 01:29:33,740
everything you do today if you take control and manage those emotions well you just build a great

1059
01:29:33,740 --> 01:29:38,300
tomorrow because you don't bring any problems into it and if you're doing things different today like

1060
01:29:38,300 --> 01:29:43,820
i am i put to rest all those mistakes yes i can talk openly yes we had a whole bunch of houses in

1061
01:29:43,820 --> 01:29:49,180
these cars and yes i was an idiot but i'm also not really sad they're all gone and i can talk about

1062
01:29:49,180 --> 01:29:55,100
it so you'll find a bunch of different books like that you'll find there's with those mindset rules

1063
01:29:55,100 --> 01:30:00,220
there's 53 of them and they're little one-off things that will help remind you and keep you

1064
01:30:00,220 --> 01:30:06,140
on a straight and narrow and what i did then was one of the biggest things i saw and was missing

1065
01:30:06,140 --> 01:30:11,340
out there is you need something to be able to carry with you all the time how do you stay motivated

1066
01:30:11,340 --> 01:30:15,820
throughout the day sometimes you know sometimes you just by yourself and so i created a mental

1067
01:30:15,820 --> 01:30:20,460
health warrior challenge coin and people in the service you know they're familiar with that it

1068
01:30:20,460 --> 01:30:25,100
commemorates like a place you've served or an event you've been through and so i created this

1069
01:30:25,100 --> 01:30:31,260
challenge coin and funny enough like the one coin on the back has mindset rule two which is learn to

1070
01:30:31,260 --> 01:30:37,180
respond not react to life's challenges which can save you all the time and we've handed them out

1071
01:30:37,180 --> 01:30:42,780
we're selling to people and they're finding it so useful so again i'm trying to have the books but

1072
01:30:42,780 --> 01:30:48,140
also have some daily things because i know when i was in like any of the self-help groups you know

1073
01:30:48,140 --> 01:30:52,060
you need some of that reassurance something to carry with you that's in your hand you may not even

1074
01:30:52,060 --> 01:30:57,740
want to talk to other people about it but you can you know you can have those things so you'll find

1075
01:30:57,740 --> 01:31:04,380
all that stuff there and i'll just throw one last thing because i i just wore it but i because i was

1076
01:31:04,380 --> 01:31:09,420
doing the designs and all that stuff i threw them on clothing and the reason being is i do it mostly

1077
01:31:09,420 --> 01:31:15,500
for us but it kick starts the conversation and whether you have the book or the coin or one of

1078
01:31:15,500 --> 01:31:19,900
the clothing you can kick start a conversation anywhere and like we've talked i've gotten into

1079
01:31:19,900 --> 01:31:25,420
so many interesting conversations it's like i encourage people to open that door it's scary

1080
01:31:25,420 --> 01:31:29,100
you don't want to admit you have any problems you don't want to admit you're struggling but boy when

1081
01:31:29,100 --> 01:31:34,380
you open up man people open up around you because they've been waiting for somebody to say that so

1082
01:31:35,180 --> 01:31:41,180
it's pretty neat it's definitely exciting absolutely well i want to thank you so much like i said it's

1083
01:31:41,180 --> 01:31:46,460
a very unique perspective you've got a very interesting journey and again are very courageously

1084
01:31:46,460 --> 01:31:51,580
vulnerable on on your highs your lows and this journey has taken you through but i urge people

1085
01:31:51,580 --> 01:31:57,820
to go to the site and look at some of the books thank you again for sending me the the first book

1086
01:31:57,820 --> 01:32:04,140
that you wrote and yeah i think it's it's it's again it's that immersive element i think people

1087
01:32:04,140 --> 01:32:08,380
can dive in and see there's so many different things and find the thing that really resonates

1088
01:32:08,380 --> 01:32:12,780
with them you know and then move forward with it so i want to thank you so so much for being

1089
01:32:12,780 --> 01:32:18,060
so generous and coming on the behind the shield podcast today no thank you and thanks for being

1090
01:32:18,060 --> 01:32:23,260
so open to talk about this stuff you know i wasn't quite sure how far to go on some of my stories

1091
01:32:23,260 --> 01:32:28,460
and as you know sometimes you're a little wary on some of these but um i appreciate and it's

1092
01:32:29,420 --> 01:32:33,740
cathartic if you will but being able to share that story about that experience with the neighboring

1093
01:32:33,740 --> 01:32:38,060
high school kids and all of that because it reinforces in me today and i hope other people

1094
01:32:38,060 --> 01:32:43,580
take from that that we can learn and to celebrate every day and to put our effort into today you

1095
01:32:43,580 --> 01:32:50,140
know that's i feel like what we owe when we see people that we've lost and and it's kind of a

1096
01:32:50,140 --> 01:32:54,300
neat perspective that you could take any time you don't have to be a first responder but

1097
01:32:54,860 --> 01:33:00,140
it's one of those life lessons that today i just hold tightly to you know it took me

1098
01:33:00,140 --> 01:33:13,020
20 years to learn it but i hold tightly to it today