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President Trump announced at a press conference that the buttons on his suit are responsible
for all the fake news circulating about him.
According to Trump, the buttons were planted by his opponent, Dr. Brock Landers, in an
attempt to bring down his presidency.
These buttons are rigged, folks.
They're rigged just like the media and the election, ranted Trump.
But I'm on to their game.
I know the truth, and I won't let these buttons bring me down.
Trump then proceeded to remove his suit jacket and show the crowd the buttons, claiming they
were fake news buttons, created by Landers' team.
The bizarre press conference ended with Trump supporters chanting,
Buttons lie, Trump won't die, as they eagerly purchased fake news buttons from the new Trump
merchandise line.
In a shocking turn of events, President Trump and Elevation Church leader Stephen Furtick
were caught trying to pick up male escorts in Las Vegas at the Hollywood Casino.
When confronted, they both claimed they had no idea who the escorts were and blamed Satan
for tempting them.
It was all his fault, I swear, Trump exclaimed while clutching his What Would Trump Do bracelet.
I was just trying to spread the word of Trump and make America great again, but Satan made
me do it.
Furtick, who was wearing a Trump is my Savior t-shirt, echoed Trump's sentiments and added
that they were just trying to do some missionary work in Sin City.
The incident has caused quite a stir among Trump supporters, with many questioning the
true intentions of their beloved leader and his relationship with Furtick.
In response, the Trump campaign has released a statement claiming that the whole ordeal
was just a misunderstanding and that they were actually trying to recruit the escorts
for a new line of Trump-branded merchandise.
Only time will tell what other antics the dynamic duo will get into next.
In a shocking new report, it has been revealed that Weedpot is responsible for over 8 billion
abortions in the past year alone.
The dangerous drug has also caused 3 billion children to become homeless and is the root
cause of all the homelessness of pets.
According to experts, every convicted felon has tried Weedpot at least once, making it
the leading cause of criminal behavior.
"'If we could just stop Weedpot, the world would be a perfect place,' declared presidential
candidate Dr. Brocklander.
"'We need to end Weedpot and publicly execute anyone caught using it.
That's the only way to save our society and eliminate our deficit and debt.'"
Supporters of Dr. Brocklander's have begun wearing Weedpot Kills bracelets, reminding
them to always put an end to the dangerous drug.
President Trump has announced his full support for the legalization of E.D.
Pot.
"'I've been growing and selling my own Weedpot for years.
And let me tell you, it's the best Weedpot you'll ever find,' declared Trump at a recent
rally.
"'No one knows more about Weedpot than me.
I'm the best at Weedpot, believe me.'"
The president went on to say that he will be personally overseeing the distribution
and sales of his Weedpot, claiming that no one can do it better than him.
"'I'm a businessman, and let me tell you, Weedpot is big business,' he added.
"'And I'm going to make America green again, believe me.'"
Supporters were seen wearing Make Weedpot Great Again hats and Trump's Weedpot is the
Best t-shirts at the rally.
It seems that Trump supporters will try anything, as long as it has the Trump stamp of approval.
In a shocking turn of events, presidential candidate Dr. Brock Landers has announced
that all alcohol will now contain a deadly ingredient that will kill anyone who has also
used marijuana.
This decision, made in response to former President Trump's acceptance of recreational
marijuana, has caused outrage among pot users.
"'We don't want those stoners around anyway, so if they want to drink and die, that's
their choice,' said Dr. Brock at a recent rally.
The new policy has been met with mixed reactions, with some praising Dr. Brock for taking a
stand against drug use and others criticizing him for potentially causing harm to innocent
people.
"'In the meantime, Weedpot users are urged to stick to their own vices and avoid alcohol
at all costs.
We don't need any more casualties in the war on drugs,' said Trump in response to Dr.
Brock's announcement.
But hey, if you want to drink and die, be my guest.'"