Can you tell us about your first memory? Oh,
yes. Oh my god Now this is where my first ever
memory and I've had this since I was literally
in pre -k And younger before that is me And like
a like a little basket with these nuns just holding
me and then they put me in this like portal of
light And then everything just gets bright and
then I I don't know what happened after that
I believe you. I know because I believe that's
what happened too. I believe that's how you started
your new life. We're back. We are back. Clown
college in the building. Well, yeah. You thought
we were gone, but we're just taking a year off.
You know what I'm saying? It's just like whenever
you go to real college and you know you're not
going to do whatever you're going for. Oh, yeah.
True, true. You take a take a year off or you
come back. It's been a lot of a lot of new things
happen around the scene, huh? Yeah, the scene
has completely like a like a caterpillar. It's
completely transformed. Wouldn't say it turned
into a butterfly. and morphed into something
that we have to fix. But we're ready. We're ready.
And we have the fire lit under us. Hell yeah.
We got to start doing some more stuff. We got
some new members of the scene, though. We got
two famous people that have came down here and
are part of the scene. Who's the second one?
Well, the first one is Robert Hoffman. Oh, shit.
And he is the star of Step Up to the Streets.
True. And aliens in the attic. Aliens in the
attic? I saw that in 09. I was probably about
six years old. What's the plot of aliens in the
attic? So it's about like you got these older
siblings and then these younger siblings and
these aliens come in and hide in the attic. Well,
that too, yeah. And then, man, it's been so long,
but then they somehow take over the bigger brothers,
which one of them was Robert Hoffman. OK. And
then they just control, like, they give them
a remote control to the kids where they can control
their siblings. I don't like that. I know that's
weird. That is a very weird plot. That could
have been something else. I would have loved
it if I was a kid. What would you have done?
No, I'm talking about like a movie. Jesus Christ,
Brandon. What would you take it about? Yeah,
we're talking about wholesome movies here. Oh,
you have like man wholesome actors like We're
trying to we're trying to say come out and see
as we got famous people now We also have one
of the original members of SEAL team six Listen
to me listen to me this man comes up on stage
and the first thing he says is I have PTSD and
No, that's bullshit. I mean, I'm not saying he
doesn't. I'm not saying he doesn't. He didn't
make a joke about it. At least make a fucking
joke. I got PTSD now I'm gonna kill my wife and
kids something that's funny As someone who doesn't
want to get murdered at an open mic, I love his
comedy. I love it I was hearing men screaming
at that Cheers place. Oh, yeah We were like killer
that can't be him something's going on in there
and he's just slay I never got I didn't get to
hear a set and I'm mad about it But I want I
want to but yeah, so he was on the original SEAL
team six and he killed Ben Damn. Yeah, you didn't
know that, did you? I didn't know that. That's
crazy. I would have never knew. Him and Tom Hand,
they went... Oh, no. He fucking dropped his motherfucker.
This is the bridge -burning episode. Who do you
hate, Brandon? Who do you hate in the scene?
In the scene? Nobody. I do like Robert Hoffman.
We hung out with him for an extended period of
time the other night and I'll be damned if it's
not like a 10 -15 % increase. I know it was great.
He made me laugh so hard, like I haven't laughed
in a while. What did he do? He got your ass.
So we were just talking normally and I know he
just looked at me, Dom, Alex and Scott and was
like, oh yeah, and by the way, I've jacked off
all around y 'all in a separate room or something.
I just want you to know that, hey, I was in the
building with you, and I jacked off. I was like,
cool. But dude, I couldn't take it. Because it's
like, we were having a wholesome conversation,
that just came out of nowhere, and he was looking
at my eyes too. It probably wasn't wholesome,
but it was out of nowhere. I felt like there
was a shift change. That a chance it was wholesome.
It shifted the mood. It came out of nowhere.
Shit. Nah, but we're starting from, we've also
lost a few of our boys, and we're really only
one. But it feels like a big loss because he
was the only one that I felt comfortable bullying.
You know how Dom bullies everybody and loves
it? I had that with a man once. And it felt good,
didn't it? And it felt so good. It felt amazing.
It felt so good. I'll be damned if it wasn't
slightly homoerotic, but damn. We're talking,
of course, about Charles Hood. Charles Hood,
shout out. stinkier pastures, I wouldn't say
greener pastures. We should get like a Charles,
like a man to the street in New York. Get him
to check in. Yeah, so Charles Hood, he's a two
-time guest on this. He's moved to New York to
try to, you know, make it big and his roommate.
He says smells like cat piss and he had he's
he's only like 23 and he's balding with a mullet
Damn, yeah, it's rough and you smell and not
in the cool way. No like yeah, not no. No. No.
He has a hunch in his back It's a bad thing like
he went down there, you know, he's like, I'm
gonna get down there. He's a virgin He's I'm
gonna get some ass. I'm like not like that not
living with him You cannot bring a woman over
there. Oh, God. Do you imagine? You just can't.
Cat piss is something strong, brother. It really
is. And like Charles is like his room's the only
safe haven because the cats don't go in there
like that. That is awful. You sit down somewhere
and it gets on you. Oh, yeah. You can't get that
off. So you got to get them spayed or neutered
or something like that. Yeah. They spray everywhere.
Just let them just accidentally let them out.
Honestly, oh damn you like cats. Uh, yeah, I've
started to grow with cats. I used to have like
a little fear Still do Jake did Jake get you
over that with shingles. What's his name? Damn,
what is it sneaks sneaks sneaks squeaks squeaks?
Oh, he's gonna be heartbroken. He will be so
sad I'm sorry. I love squeaks Yeah, squeeze.
I remember I was hesitant. I was sitting down
and jumped on my lap. I was like, whoa, and then
it just started like rubbing on me and stuff.
That's what that's all it takes for you. I know.
And then once it did that, I just gave in. I
started rubbing it and stuff back. I was like,
man, I like this cat. This is great. The cat's
Stockholm. And then he'll try to catch me. It
never has caught me yet. He'll try to get me
off his claws. He can't do it. Too quick for
him. You've had a busy... Busy time since we've
been out of here. Got a busy time coming up I
know like I was working at psych war for a little
bit now and now I'm at Bass Pro where a dude
tried to I guess sexually harassed me. Harass
or assault? Assault. I was asking what happened
nobody would tell me they were like just know
that this dude It's never allowed at another
Bass Pro again. And then I finally got one of
my bros in the corner. Well, not in the corner,
but I talked to him and got him to tell me. Yeah,
you didn't do what this man did to you, not him.
I was just like, hey. You didn't corner a man.
No, I don't do that. I was like, what happened?
He said, well, this dude was sexually harassing
everybody, like this girl, another girl. And
he said, a dude. And I started laughing. I was
like, oh, damn, he's getting everybody. And he
said, Brandon. Don't be honest. He was looking
at you too from a corner. I Just didn't want
to say nothing and then I just was gonna let
you I know because he was like I don't know how
you react and then I Laughed and said not again
and then he was like, oh not against I had explained
Then he said the worst part he laughs he's like
Well, it's a good thing they got him because
he was going to dick you down. Like, I wouldn't
go. Oh, my God. Like, I wasn't going to stop
him. Could you wait? Oh, yeah. OK, wait. You
are. Are you telling us you weren't going to
stop him or you're? Oh, no, I would. I could
stop him. He's saying like the dude was saying
that like as if Brandon. I see. You're going
to walk up and just just just bring me over on
the fucking cloven rack and do some shit. Anybody
you do in a bend. Yes. I'm gonna be honest, if
it comes down to it, but that's not gonna happen.
Yeah, because he's gone. Yeah, plus, I would
stop him. I would be like, hey, man, no. That's
not happening. Brandon, how does it happen to
you all the time? I don't know. He was gonna
come to some of my shows. And you're a grown
man now. I know. I gotta look over my back outside
and shit, make sure these dudes ain't trying
to do shit. But then you say when you found out
he got fired, you were excited because you liked
him, you were like... Yes. You came up to me
like, damn, what's his name? I say Mark. They're
like, hey, where Mark at? I love that dude. He's
cool. And then he's like, well, Mark's a serial
rapist. And he tried to take your ass out of
the conversation with you. And basically the
next day, the first day, they didn't want to
tell me what happened. I just kept asking. I'm
like, what happened to Mark, man? What's up?
He wanted to come to my shows and stuff. We need
to be more careful about who we tell about. I'm
starting to get scared. I'm like about to become
like one of those people that's like just hides
inside. Like agoraphobic, you know what I mean?
Like I'm convinced that one of these open mics
are gonna get terrorized by some marginalized
group. The nigga I was talking to in the first
of this, he will blow some people's heads back.
Yeah, I'm worried about that. And if I die because
of this fucking pot, I'm gonna be so pissed.
That would suck, man. Speaking of, I mean, there
are guns and stuff, like shit's getting real.
Oh my God, these motherfuckers. So me and Dan,
both been in the military, don't like, well,
nobody likes a fucking... Pistol pointed at him
even if it has nothing in I don't trust not fun.
I've seen too many Facebook Videos motherfuckers
blowing they shit back on accident so I was asking
Scott what you're going to buy. He brought his
out. He had a magazine empty, though. You know,
nothing in it. He showed us. But he was still
flagging too much. And me and Dan like, hey,
stop. Stop doing that. He's like, there's nothing
you could blow through it. I was like, I understand
all that. Just don't do it. And then Money G
pulls out a Pokemon backpack and he pulls out
a goddamn extendo and points it right at everybody.
Oh, they got in the car. He just honked his horn
like, fuck this. I ran to. Hell, yeah. I just
saw down. on the barrel of that motherfucker.
He said, hey, look at this. You can do his voice.
Oh, yeah. What's up, brother? How y 'all doing
over here? Fit this gap through my pussy, make
it queef. I don't know what I mean, brother.
Buddy G we gotta get I love that something buddy
G over here. Just let him talk. Oh, yeah, buddy
G be hype, but he'll go to cry It would be like
an episode of what's uh, what's Jada Smith show
he'd be like Yeah, he come in here talking about
bitches with roaches in their house pussy Then
all of a sudden it goes too bad. Just lost everybody.
There's a type of person where like, there's
a type of crazy person where you don't want anything
to do with them. But then there's a type of person
where you want. Definitely to be on their side.
Oh hell yeah. I do not want to be anywhere else
but behind that man. And I don't mean that way.
I don't mean in a Brandon way. Because you behind.
Well I wouldn't be there but if I had to. Nobody's
getting me there. What would it take? What would
it take for what? How much? How much? How much
or like is there like something I could do for
you that would? that would make you consider?
Not me, not me. Let's say you even get the choice
of fella. You get a choice of the dude? That's
crazy. Yeah, I'm asking a lot of you. I'm like,
this is too much, I don't want to do it. So who's
the most attractive man to you, like you've ever
seen, like on TV? You never seen - Everybody
has one. You're like, that's a good looking guy.
Damn, let me let me say like for me. It's Keenan
Worthington. No You know what y 'all go first
I want y 'all to go first, huh? Yeah, Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt me Joe black. Mm -hmm. Me Joe back.
Yeah Brad Pitt's a pretty girl. Did you lick
your lips? No, I my lips I said Joe black and
then when I said it my lips been getting worse
Once I got ashy lips Dude it's been like that.
What's yours? A guy I feel like I just saw on
the I feel like I just saw it the other day.
Ah, fuck, that's a good question. Oh, James Marsden.
Oh, that's your boy. The guy in Sonic. Oh, the
other kids movie that you know. Yeah, he's cool.
I'm not gonna lie, I would pick him too. Old
school guy, Matt Dillon. We were just watching
something about Mary, Matt Dillon. Matt Dillon,
yeah. Damn. You can't pick one that you can't
just say his. But no, I mean, because that does
sound OK. Let me think. He's the hottest one
to you. But that's just of what you hear. Let
me think. Let me think of somebody else. Let
me think of somebody else that I do right behind
you. Rikishi. Rikishi. What about this guy? Whoa,
damn. You're right. Say him. No, okay. Have you
ever touched somebody that's like, it doesn't
feel good. They feel like rubber. Yeah, it doesn't,
I don't like it. I like a normal human feeling.
I have been watching a lot of like, swole girl
porn. Yeah, it will it's this one like on she's
on some type of Twitter Scott gave me this site.
It's called pimp bunny. Oh my god Look, but you
can search you can search like all the only only
fans that because on my Twitter is it's polluted
I'm gonna just say that now it's it's rowdy And
so I look them up on there because it's like
you've seen them before in real life now You
get to see I'm doing whatever they're doing So
what do you have to pay for it? So you don't
have to pay and this could be any only fans person
if they're all like it's obviously the users
Yeah, rip it and upload it or some shit. Yeah,
I think they got some kind of deal with them.
Yeah, there's that mean Yeah, honest. I don't
know how any shit works Yeah, I stopped using
only fans After I like left too many paying for
for like And I would only like pay I would only
pay for only fans for people that were like like
Unique looking like not normal amputee. No, I'm
kidding Oh, but like it. Yes. No, I know essentially
like that crazy like, you know Yeah, there's
a little person that uh, I can't find her stuff
and I was thinking about what she just see thick
though I'm saying I showed you you guys it does
get fucked up very quickly though, but we won't
go there What gets fucked up yeah, what I'm curious
little people little We can't say that. Yeah
Oh, yeah, that's a good fucking joke. Don't search
that. Yeah, just whatever you do put midgets.
Yes When you're on you can't cuz who wants to
be called little people exactly. You know what?
I always think that Yeah, cuz they're whole a
whole person to me. Yeah, they're not like, you
know, I mean no pun intended that sounds belittling
Well, you know to me, I don't know if they now
they might like it it is Yeah, if they if they
like it, but I was I would rather be called a
midget But then it's like how do you get a word
now? Mm -hmm. But then how do you like get a
consensus on shit like that? Like because like
the whole the whole black and african -american
that was white people just doing it. Yes That's
why I can't stand I mean, it's just better than
they would just run around calling everybody
the hard. Oh, yeah But everybody ain't fucking
african. You got a Jamaican Here like I'm American.
Well, you're like for you. You're American -american.
So it's weird to call you African -american.
Yeah Ain't nobody like my grandma 98 about to
be 99 if you could she don't know nobody else
in Africa What would you pick to be called if
you could if you had a choice if it wasn't like
black African -american, you know I don't know.
I mean maybe honestly, we just say my name. That's
it. Just say my name That's the best thing. They'd
be like, what nationality are you? Just say his
name. I'm Brandon Willis. I'm a person. Yes.
I'm a person first. See, I'm a human being. Yeah.
For real. You're a homo... Sapien. Yep. Hell
yeah. That's my boy. Yeah. Trying to give me
say that something else. Homoerotic, yeah. See,
I don't know what homoerotic means. What's homoerotic?
Homoerotic. You know what erotic, like erotic
fiction or... You know you got homo sapien as
humans, right? Okay. homoerotic is like the humans
there. That's like right before humans. Oh, like
Neanderthals. Yeah. But like after them. Oh,
so that was in the homoerotic period. It's the
missing link. Mm hmm. Now I wonder what happened
to them. Too much sex. Too much sex. Damn. Oh,
see. Yeah, that's what they got outbred by the
homo sapiens. They couldn't have any babies.
Yeah, you gotta have kids. Well, you don't have
to, shit. Y 'all want kids? Huh? Y 'all want
kids? Yeah. I got a mate soon. Oh, yeah. You
know, you got till you're 70. Yeah. True. Yeah,
we got we got. But you know, I want to be able
to, you know, because if he jump out of the body
when he's 10, if I have him at 40, 50, I can
still fuck him up. Yeah. True. You know what
I'm saying? If I'm 60 now, little motherfucker
might get me. I got to shoot him. Yeah, that's
my mom told me. Marvin Gaye his ass. That's my
mom told me. Is that Marvin Gaye or Otis Redding?
Am I racist? Oh, no, that's Marvin Gaye. That
was Marvin Gaye. What's been new with you, Alex?
Oh, shit. Fat Sammy's are me and Brandon's open
mic ended. Yeah, I forget when. I feel like March.
I don't even fucking remember my birthday. Yeah.
When was your birthday? March 22nd. OK, then
yeah, it was around March and we don't have a
show yet. Honestly, my plan was to let the scene
die a little more, and then come back and save
it so I look like a hero. So, we got like another
week and a half, and then I'll start doing some
shit. Nah, I've just been, I got a girlfriend.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah. They're cool. They're cool
as shit. Their name's Nat, like the bug, and
I love them very much. Right, Brandon? Hell yeah.
You notice how I had to throw to Brandon right
after that to avoid the emotion. No, they're
cool as shit. We moved in together. We have a
cat. It's their cat. Dude, after meeting their
cat, every other cat seems like the devil. They
got one of the good ones. The chill ones that
straight up don't fuck shit up or anything. any
other cat I meet seems like a nightmare now.
Yeah, they always want something. Yeah. They
always want something or they have to have things
done in particular because that's my least favorite
thing with pets when their owners spoil them
to weird, like in weird specific ways because
you're going to have to have someone watch your
pet one day and they're going to have to deal
with that shit and that's awful. Hell yeah. You
can't have nobody watch your dog if you if look
I understand people be like, oh, it's my kid
and all that shit Yeah, but you can't leave your
kid at the kennel and have somebody else watch
them I mean just like just for for that long
and then they just jumping on people when you
come in the house Come on, bro, calm down or
put them in another room when somebody come up,
you know, they don't like people True. That's
the way it go. I straight up, I was cat sitting
the other week and one of the cats was so fucking
evil. It was one of those that just hissed at
you every time you passed and it came feeding
time and they have to be fed at the moment. I
hate that too. cats that can't hold their shit
and like you just leave their food because cats
that's what I thought you did you can just leave
food out and they'll be fine nah these cats will
just eat anything you put in front of them so
you have to feed them at the time it was sitting
in front of its food and wouldn't let me get
fucking past it because they're stupid animals
right so like I didn't understand that I needed
to be there to feed it and then when I finally
had to like get like a broom to like pull the
food out from behind it it was freaking out and
I finally did it And I set the food out and another
cat started eating it. Oh, damn. And I'm like,
I guess I guess you starve because you're fucking
stupid. You like it's I don't understand like
that. I can't deal with fucking ignorance. Animals
included. Yeah. That's why Chinese people don't
deal with it. We just fucking, you know, stir
fry. We were talking about when I was in Korea,
they they had dog on the menu. We're asking people
would you eat it if it's on the menu and it was
that I will tell you this in Korea It's not you're
not getting that street food because it was the
most expensive thing on there now I didn't get
it because I couldn't eat a dog. I like dogs
cats would be gross Would you eat a dog would
you try dog? Yeah, not eat a dog, but would you
try a dog? Nah, man. It's like it's already prepared
for you. It's on rice pilaf. Nah, I keep thinking
about my dogs, you know. That's what I was thinking.
I start thinking about Max. Yeah. Marley, Daisy,
all those dogs, man. Tinkerbell. Nah, the dogs
they're cooking aren't pet dogs. No, they grow
them to cook. Nah, jeez. That's even worse. That
is terrible. And then they boil them alive so
they can get the skin. It's like a crab. Yeah.
Crabs, you know how you can't cook them when
they're dead? I can't eat that, man. knowing
that Goofy suffered, you know what I mean? You're
like, man, I'm eating a dog. Gorsh. Could you?
Gorsh, exactly. If... I would want to try it
just to try it, but I feel like I don't think
you can tell people that and then look at you
the same way. Like, I ate dog. Yeah. Like, so...
Especially white women. Yeah, it's kind of like
that where I just just to avoid future confrontation
I probably wouldn't cuz I don't need to and I
love it's not it's not like a morale thing for
you No, cuz it's already it's already butchered.
It's already literally already there on the grill
So I'm not like saving anything by not I'm not
changing anything true It is already dead like
that's how I think about cows and chickens, you
know, I mean, I'm like I'm like damn man He killed
a lot of these things, but I didn't kill it The
cows have the same like emotional capacity of
a dog. Oh, yeah, people got pets like you can
rub them. Pigs are smart as shit too. Yeah, well
pigs. I hear because I heard somebody told me
they're like what they call the bottom feeders
of the earth like they're the cleanest. Yeah,
but I mean it's okay because it's like if people
can eat chitlins then you should be able to eat
pork I feel like. Well, I mean chitlins come
from pork. It's a pig intestines. Oh. You didn't
know that? I don't know why I thought it was
chicken or something. That's crazy. Now, Chitlins
is pig intestines. Oh, shit. You can eat it whatever
you want to. It's just some people don't. I mean,
it's meat. Yeah, you're right. I just think about
that shit. Like, well, you don't clean it good.
Dude, you know what I know if we're talking about
people not eating pig and shit, sci -fi and them,
Jonathan, not sci -fi, but Jonathan and Nicky
at the Seventh Day Adventist. What are they called?
Seventh Day Adventist. Seventh Day Adventist.
I've never met one of these people before. And
then they're like, I guess it's like a hot spot
here because I've never met some. We were at
a show and they were like, somebody said doing
Having church on Saturdays and the group of table
just clap so that they had to be at two And it's
like them in the black Israelite. No, what's
up? I hand a black. He's a Hebrew Pentecostal
group Pentecostal Google that one. Yeah It's
like a hotspot form them Saturday goers. Yes,
see the Hebrew Pentecostal seems like one or
two two steps away, maybe from black Israelite.
Oh, yeah, there's like a light version. Mm -hmm
I don't think they have. The free version. And
it's all black, right? Or both of them? Probably,
I'd imagine, mostly. Huh. Okay. What? I'm reading
this. It says Hebrew Pentecostalism is a religious
movement that merges traditional Pentecostal
theology with the observation, no, observance
of Jewish... Biblical practices. Adherents believe
in Jesus, Yeshua. Damn, I'm sorry, y 'all. As
the survivor, as the saver, while also keeping
the Saturday Sabbath, celebrating biblical Jewish
feast days, and adhering to kosher dietary laws.
So they're like Jews, but not. Oh. They believe
Jesus is the savior. They believe in a lot of
Christianship, but they observe a lot of Jewish
feasts and holidays and traditions. I guess that
makes sense because like... I would, dude, if
I could observe Jewish traditions, I fucking
would. Fuck, no, I ain't eating. I'm not eating.
I'm eating pork and I'm eating shrimp. Oh yeah,
I'm still gonna eat pork. I know they say like
you're the same type of Jewish if you convert.
or if you're born into it, but I just, I just
feel like I'd be lesser if I converted because.
Oh yeah, you don't want to convert to that. I'm
already circumcised. Yeah, me too. I wouldn't
need to do that. I think I am too, I believe
so. That's the biggest, that's the biggest hump.
You still haven't found out if you're circumcised
yet, man? I'm like 90 % sure. 90 % sure you?
Am circumcised. Cause I'm like, yeah, I think
I am. Does he have a hat? I mean, I know we've
talked this to death. He doesn't understand what
that means. Does he look like he has a sock on
him? Like on a skin sock? Nah, I don't. I don't.
I love how it... I don't think so. I mean...
You gotta pull something back. No, does he look
like he has a bugle on his head? So there was
a time when it got cold, right? And it's like...
It had to be middle... Yeah, it would go in there
and it would close. Yeah, but I'm saying like
regular. Okay, that's... Oh, regularly? No, no.
He didn't describe. Yeah, and then I would be
playing basketball. Like a Sarlacc pit, like
in Star Wars. Yeah, that's probably why I failed.
You said it closed? Yeah, that's probably why
I failed trying out. And the hair pulled? Yeah.
Is that what you were saying? It hurt. Yeah,
that's why I probably failed basketball. Because
I was trying out and when I tried to do the layup,
because of how I would pull in there, I would
jump. And man, that was the worst pain ever because
it pulled me right back down. That hurt. You
need to say that on stage. I know, I need to.
Dude, the closing of the... And you need to talk
to people as if they relate to you. I found out
a new discovery. Because they do, they just don't
know what the... That's just a crazy way to describe
it. I am circumcised then because you said when
it's normal, like when it's out there. When it's
out there, yeah, there's no hood. You don't have
to pull nothing back. Hell no, it's ready to
go. It's ready to go. We got to the end. Yes,
look at that, I'm circumcised. Now we just need
to get Pat and figure him out. He might be circumcised,
but then it just undid itself. Damn. You leave
Patrick alone. Shout out, Pat. Hell yeah, Pat.
Dude, back to the scene. Even though the scene's
in a dire place, our boys have gotten funny as
shit. Like some of these comedians have really
fucking... Yeah, we got we got Mitch seeing him
in sketches probably some some little shorts
promos. Oh, yeah, they wouldn't know miss that
much Yeah, no that we didn't put those sketches.
Oh, yeah, we got we got the one where he's in
your in your crawlspace though Oh, yeah murder.
Oh, yeah Yeah Yeah, Mitch is... He's my favorite.
I love Mitch. Yeah, I got him working at my job
with me at Bass Pro. It's like so crazy. Welcome
to Bass Pro. Isn't Mitch like a chemical engineer
or some shit? He's a computer scientist. That's
real deal. That's fucking AI. Oh, AI. It's taking
over. Let's take it. This could be AI right now.
Who would know? True. I might not be real. Mm
-hmm. Dude, we have hundreds of hours of us video,
like, online. AI has for sure been trained on
us. Oh, yeah. To some degree. Oh, that'd be so
tight. I wonder if we can just give it all the
stuff that we got. So if we got a computer, I
would be able to do that. Like a big enough computer?
Yeah, like a gaming computer. And then we ask
the questions, and we'll see if we would really
say that. Come up with a Clown College episode
based on it, yeah. Mm -hmm. Then we could just
kick back and watch this wrestling. That'd be
dope. No, that'd be the worst. No, it'd be awful.
It'd be funny to see how crazy and absurd it
is. But then it would start to feel like gross.
Oh, yeah. Oh, God. I wouldn't say that. And they
just were wanting to a part where I really said.
I didn't mean it. They cite it. They cite it.
They show you exactly why they decided. We just
feel like Dom is an evil person I think it was
crazy is because like clearly I'm joking about
the juice shit in the previous episodes We're
taking a turn here. Actually, we're not supposed
to see because the thing is we're not it's so
confusing We're not supposed to like the Jews
now, so I like yes No, literally like you all
have made such a fuss about the Jews. I think
they might be the chosen people. Yeah Like y
'all are targeting them like insane. Like now
it's the left targeting them, too. No, there's
something going on. They're magic. I think Jews
are straight up actually good. I love that. Actually,
the only thing that the left and the right agree
about is it's insane. Like it's like that arm
the meme of the two arms of the white and black
arm except it's like Nazis and fucking furries
Eating Jews is what we agree on That's just who
I was saying is like super left not necessarily
But it's it's wild man. It's so fucking crazy
that that's what they came together on of all
the things like we couldn't like universal basic
income like fucking healthcare like we all get
sick nazis get sick too no the healthcare thing
i think i mean that's just that's just makes
sense you still can have your own private business
and you know if you get the most special i don't
give give a fuck about the most special care
but you should be able to get some type of care
so that's that's the actual thing that like americans
want the best the best of the best and like we
can't have like both everyone is able to get
it and it's the best. It has to be like, everyone's
able to get it and it's not the best. Everybody
should be able to get it and then whoever has,
you know, if you got money, you get more shit.
Yeah, that's just how it is. So whoever has the
best insurance and all that, you still can get
a better doctor, you know, a better, you know,
a more expensive doctor if you want to. You don't
have to use the universal health care shit. But
for everybody else who don't have that, we get
the public servants, but we still for sure get
to go to them. Yeah, exactly. That's how it should
be. You might get an IV stuck in wrong, blood
squirting everywhere. It happens. Brandon, you
about to be a nerd. Yeah, you remember I was
over there bending IVs and stuff? Doing what?
Oh, when you were training. Yeah, you got to
get them out there. If you had the stick V, I
would be shaky. That shit doesn't bother me at
all. You could take my blood all day. It doesn't
bother me. But if you were doing it without even
doing it, I would just sit still. Nervous as
fuck right now. That's what people would do like
that one, dude I remember my first clinical I
walk in there and you know me I get hot Yeah,
so I'm gonna sweat and it's like I forgot this
patient must have had like something bad It was
something like really bad like I don't know that
well, hopefully they're alright But I remember
he's just sitting there and he keep looking at
me. He's like, hey man You alright? And I'm like,
yeah, I'm good. He's like man, you over here
sweating and shit. I'm like dude It's my my first
day. I'm just it's hot I don't know if he believed
me. I hope he did. What else did you say, Brad?
Oh, damn. What else did I say? He said, it's
my first day. It's hot. I'm just trying to have
a good time. Oh, yeah, yeah. Dude, I mean, dude,
the hell yeah. This man's wife is dying. He said
it's hot. Because I'm like, you should be happy
about that. I'm just trying to have a good time.
I'm just trying to have a good time. That's what
you said? Yeah, because I'm like, I'm trying
to make him feel safe. He said, I'm just trying
to have a good time. This man's wife is dying
in the hospital. He's supposed to be helping.
I want to make him feel safe. Because if you're
having a good time doing your job, I mean, you
love what you're doing. And honestly, I mean,
I wasn't doing much. I was just holding and getting
the food and watching and just hoping for the
best for them. Holding what? Oh, just equipment.
Like if somebody was like, I remember some patient
would be like, I need this. She was like, hey,
can I get food and stuff? And sometimes I go
get the food. And I remember I came back in there
and sometimes they would do stuff like this dude
I remember they stopped his heart and then and
he was like there for a second They're like they
looked at me and they're like, what do you want
to press the button and bring them back? And
I was like hell yeah, I pressed the button and
we shot him he came back up Tell us the hospital
cuz I never want to go there You know, you don't
have time to be asking questions if you what
I know I know What if you press the wrong? I
know what if I did because I'm you know me and
I struggle with that so I could have killed somebody.
Oh fuck, somebody was dead. Brandon brought him
back to life. I did. I sure did. You like to
do it in the green mile. I know. I tapped that
button. Thankfully it was the right button. That
could have went very bad. Because I had to take
notes. It could have been the soul sucker button,
the life sucking button instead of the giving.
And then I'm documenting all that. I'm just taking
notes. I'm like, man, so this health is like
this and that and just... I would kill to see
these notes. I would too, I forgot where they
are. And that's dangerous till somebody finds
it. They don't know how to kill someone if they
reverse engineer your notes. But dude, they were
bad. I remember one of my friends, he was on
that clinical thing and the dude, it was like
the Super Bowl or something. And while they were
driving, he said, you know what? And he stopped
at his friend's house and they started drinking
beer and he was trying to give him a beer. He's
like, you want a beer? He's like, no, man, I'm
trying to do this clinical. Then they just got
back to work. Damn shame. Damn brother. Glad
you came to the assistance and don't want to
do anything where people's lives are at. I know
because the dude that I was driving with, he
was like, why you want to do it? And I was like,
I want to help people. He was like, well, I just
chose to be miserable. And then suddenly he pulled
out a cigarette. And then he stopped and parked.
And then they were like, you got somebody. We
need to get to the call. And I'm like, you going
to go handle that? And he's like, no, I just
need a minute, bro. This is how life is every
day. Not making any money. Just being miserable.
That's life, Brennan. I know. That's fucking
life. This is rough. Yeah, that's what real life
is, buddy. I know. Yeah, he's broken. You don't
say you hate your life by your 30 at least three
times, like, and you really mean it. You ain't
lived. Yeah, he was 30 also. I gotta like reel
it in. I say it too much. I need to like, you
know how you say shit and then you act like it
actually starts affecting. I need to reel it
in. Cause it works with the opposite. If you
just say positive shit. I hate it. It's stupid.
And you don't want to do it when you're like
down. But like being positive, just straight
up being positive does. Here's a secret code
to that. You just you don't you don't have to
be positive. You just have to like get revenge.
So you just make stuff up. And then you're like,
you're like, I'm going to do this because I'm
going to show this motherfucker. Hell, yeah.
I'm going to show this son of a bitch right here.
So you're not being positive, but you're also
being, you know, you're going towards your goal.
Honestly, they changed my life. That's motivation.
Yeah. That is motivated by somebody you fucking
hate. I got a couple. Find some people from back
in the day. Yeah, it could be people you see
all the time. Oh, it's a whole class. It's a
whole class. Oh yeah, in school, in school. Oh,
you talking about when they beat you up, put
you in a sensory deprivation. Wait, what? Sensory
room. Oh, no. You talking about psych ward stuff?
No, no. I think he's thinking about the time
where you were in the band, the Sound Proof.
Oh, yeah, when I had the triangle and I kept
playing. So I used to play a bunch of instruments.
I played the drums. They tried me with the snare.
They're like, man, this dude's not, nah, he's
not doing snare. Then I wanted, the one I wanted
to do the most, the quads, which now I could
probably do that. And they're like, nah, you
can't do that. You can't do that. They gave me
the bass drum. They let me do that for a while.
Then at one moment, they're like, I don't know,
man. And then they had me do these like. Big
ass drum where you do bong bong bong. I forgot
what those things were called. Bogo's? Bongo's?
I don't know. But it was like I had a cotton
stick that I would have to like that. Timpani?
Yeah. And then I'm sorry, I don't know. I don't
know actually. But then they end up having me
play the triangle and the tambourine. And I used
to do that, and everybody in the class, they
would just keep getting on my ass, being like,
man, look at you at the triangle, man. Ring,
ring. And one day I just snapped in the middle
of, like, we were playing a song, and in the
middle of the song, I was like, I can't take
this no more. Damn! I just threw the triangle
on the floor in the tambourine, and then I ran
in the sensory room, and then I locked it, and
everybody was like, damn, man, hey, come on out,
you all right? And then the whole class lined
up in the lunchroom and just patted me on the
back and was like, it's gonna be all right. And
they they're not who you hate no not them, okay,
not them man it was Art class art class because
I so I got in there right it was it was a magnet
program we had apply and I applied Nate like
I showed him my artwork and they accepted me
and everybody in the class kept saying I was
the lottery pick because they had one lottery
pick where they pick one person just because
you know they got to get some people in there
and everybody just kept getting onto my art being
like oh look at you you'd lottery pick and then
they said what you want to do one day I was like
oh I'd like to do some comedy because you know
I didn't talk And they were like, oh, but you
never talk say something say a joke and I just
looked around everybody They looked at me and
then one dude like see he can't do that shit
and even the teacher was just looking back They're
like nodding his head In the whole class and
then one lady was like, yeah, you should do real
estate and shit. So yeah them Yeah, fuck and
then everybody that called me special. Yeah in
that class when I asked them Because I remember
I was in a meeting with my mom she was arguing
with my special ed teacher because They were
saying that I was autistic. And she didn't like
that. And she was like, my son not autistic.
And he was like, yes, he is. But that's OK, because
you ever seen a good doctor? He makes it. So
maybe your son can make it. And I ran out. They
compared you. I'm going to fucking die. I remember
I ran out and ran to the class. I was like, everybody,
he just said that they think I'm special to y
'all. And everybody's like, hell yeah. Like,
shit, what? You didn't know, like you'd always
be sitting back there rocking and staring out
the window. And then one dude stood up and was
like, yeah, you'd always be talking to yourself.
And I was like talking to myself. Nigga, I was
talking to you the whole time. And then he was
like, oh, I was just, I didn't know. So my theory
with Brandon is that he isn't the special needs.
He isn't special ed. but that every time like
the teachers or students every time they looked
over he was just doing some special ed looking
shit like you know you were probably rocking
for good reason like or something like i don't
know something the chair was wobbly but like
they just look over and it just looks like you're
crazy you know what i mean And like the talking,
he didn't know you were talking to him, so he
thinks you're talking to yourself. I think just
everybody just paid attention at the wrong time.
Just a little bit of lack of oxygen when you
was born. Just a little bit of that. Other than
that. I did almost die. I was yellow, they say.
Like I had something. Jaundice. Jaundice, I had
jaundice. Is jaundice when you get choked? No,
jaundice is something to do. I think it's a...
nutritional lack with babies is I think it's
like a lack of nutrition or something with the
liver. I think I don't know what it is. I don't
know what it is exactly. But you do have lack
of oxygen, right? Oh, I have to ask. I got to
check. Probably though. I would check on that.
Like usually people your shaped head. Yeah. They
usually have. They usually have had a lack of
oxygen. I did have seasonal asthma. Yeah. Seasonal
asthma? Yo, but I just thought about it. I hate
to say that rocking thing was a real problem
though. My mom used to get mad at me and started
like, she'd be like, hey man, stop doing it.
Cause I'd be like rocking. Cause it's like, I
don't know. It was just something that I felt
comfortable doing. It was your, your stemming.
Yeah, because I would just be like, yeah, what's
up, y 'all? And just be doing that. And then
sometimes I would make like, my mom used to get
me like, I don't know why I did it. And probably
second, third, I make some weird noises too.
Like what kind? I'd be like, like, like do stuff
like that. But like that, just to do it. I don't
know why. And then she would like, stop doing
that. I'd be like, no, that's just like me trying
to breathe. She used to get mad as hell well
though she was scared you were gonna die Sometimes
I would click to like like that type of stuff
But I found out I didn't need it, because as
soon as they took special ed from me in college,
that's when I failed. Yeah. Yeah. But you weren't
special needs, you were special ed. Yeah, special
ed. Well, what is that called? Because you're
not special ed. That's just what you were in.
So what would be your title? Just a man with
learning disabilities. Because that's what they
told me. They're like, yeah, you got a bad learning
disability. But do you have a heart? I mean,
you can read. You learn. You learn. You just
need somebody to tell you exactly what to do.
Yeah, like I need to see it and exactly how it
goes. I mean, even me, though. Hands on. Even
me, though, like I look, I read if I just read
instructions, it doesn't really. Like that's
why AI doesn't really help me, like because I
kind of need to watch a video of someone doing
it to like kind of get the whole, so I don't,
I mean, nah, Brandon you're normal. Thank you,
I appreciate that. Don't let anyone tell you.
Thank you, thank you, that's all I've been trying
to say. That's all I've been trying to say. You
were right, that whole time your mom was right
too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, arguing with
them. She was, arguing with them, therapists,
everybody. Brandon, speaking of your mom, you
found out recently... That she didn't have a
dad. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah found out my like wedding
day That was cool because I remember like she
she pulled up and they were like we need it We
need your birth certificate something to see
your dad and I was like, you know, so what about
me? And then I remember my mom somebody like
yeah, you don't need that and I was like why
and then she showed me that I legally don't have
a dad and Then she's only reason because he was
like he's so back in the day He was a cop and
I became a under like detective in Detroit And
when I was born, she said he had to go on a secret
mission to California to take care of some, you
know, crooked cops. And I've been, like, I've
been telling people, like, I told Dom and Alex,
and, you know, Dom quickly corrected me and told
me that. And I'm wrong. He was like, that's the
plot of Beverly Hills Cop. It's literally the
plot. And I've watched that so many times. Like,
that was one of my favorite movies. I wanted
to jack it. I wonder why. I love Detroit. When
you told us that we were we were in there will
we just shoot we shot something I think the Christmas
thing. Yeah. So we're shooting this this skit.
And then afterwards, Brandon tells us that. And
at first, I was like, well, clear, because clearly
she was lying. You know what I'm saying? Because
that's because that's something you tell a kid.
So when he told us, I thought he was a child
when she told him. But really, it was like two
weeks ago. How does wedding day was 19, 20 years
old? I was 22. Actually, 21 about to turn. Yes.
So that was like literally like a year ago. Yeah,
that was recent. That's something you tell a
child. You know, your dad was Santa Claus or
some shit. That's why he couldn't be here But
then I was at work and I was just smoking a cigarette
and I was like, oh my god. I got the text review
Yeah, I was like I'm fucking tripping right now
cuz that's the goddamn plot of Beverly Hills
cop. There's no Detroit cop doesn't have any
jurisdiction detective either in and in California,
you know what I mean? So like I mean, well, maybe
he was a federal Federal agent that would be
that would be different. But wait, also, this
is the guy in the picture. Yes He was not we'll
show that on the pod. Please send that to me.
Yes That's that guy. He was the special agent.
Okay, so that's the axle Foley. Yeah It looks
like I'm too a little bit special mission at
the Golden Corral they just based it off him
He said it looks like, it looks nothing like
Eddie Murphy. Yeah, he looks more like Richard
Pryor, honestly. No, he doesn't. I can't explain
how much he looks like neither one of them. I
can't wait till I insert the picture right here.
Remember the son from Sanford and Son? Son? You
look like the son from Sanford and Son, not your
dad. Oh. And he doesn't look like Sanford either.
Oh, yeah, no. I've never seen the son. Sanford
looks more like Conor McGregor. I know it's weird.
But it's like if it was if he was a different
When I see Conor McGregor I think of him a little
bit you're saying red Fox looks like Conor McGregor
Conor McGregor looks like red Fox in the face
a tab bit not serious not the body I just see
like it's not the biggest feature, but I see
a little bit Like, I'm like, I can see that.
Brandon, this might be your worst. I know it's
bad, but it's like... Well, Robert Pattinson
was bad. Yeah, Robert, you said you looked like
Robert Pattinson. There was another one that
was really bad. I forget which one. Oh, he said...
We need a list of... Oh, God. Francis Nugana
looks like that dude from Nathan For You. Oh,
yeah. A square -headed Indian man or something.
I'm just saying, like, in a different dimension.
I wonder what dimension you live in, Brandon.
Oh, man. I wonder all the time. I wonder, too.
Holy shit. Brandon also speaking a different
dimension. Can you tell us about your first memory?
Oh, yes. Oh my god Now this is where my first
ever memory I've and I've had this since I was
literally in pre -k and younger before that is
me and like a like a little basket with these
nuns just holding me and then they put me in
this like portal of light and Then everything
just gets bright and then I I don't remember
what happens after that Brandon I believe you
I know because I'm I believe that's what happened
to I believe that's how you started I Like I
mean I've always known you were a higher being.
Yes. Thank you. I have always felt it Why do
you think I made you Black Panther? I appreciate
that see so I am special but not that but you
special a different way special in a very different
way. Yeah Some of the other way too, but just
a little bit. It's a little bit. Yeah, mostly
in the real good special Yeah, we just gotta
find out what You already got it man, oh, yeah,
you're up here killing it every time I hear somebody
They'd be like you fucking tore that shit up.
Yeah. Yeah, man. Hey, that's the goal. Yeah.
Yeah slowing down So you you've been killing
it too man. This is what I do And on Mondays
like and the mics we got some good mics down
there like on Mondays We got Maggie Meyers Maggie
Meyers majesty divine host that yeah majesty
divine host that one. Yeah Tuesday Tuesday we
got two of them. You got moody Mondays host my
whole brain gal and then after that you got beer
hog with Jonathan silver. Hey And then now what's
it every first and third? Thursdays. Oh yeah,
Nicky's. Cheers. I guess that's this week. Cheers.
Cheers. We got Thursdays back. We got some Thursdays
back. And then Dan's once a month at Tip Tops.
And his once a month at Homegrown. Or the new
Homegrown. That's monkey brain. We'll put all
the dates in the description. But yeah, that's
a mic afterwards too on Friday. So if you're
thinking about doing comedy, want to come out?
That's what we're here for. And we're an accepting
group. I made fun of a couple people, but we'll
just one, I don't want to. The people like that
don't appeal to me at all. But if you're not
like him, you come out. Hell yeah. All right.
Hell yeah. Any closing thoughts, Brandon? You
got words of wisdom to drop on us? Words of wisdom.
Yeah, it's been a minute. These people have been
dying for your brain, for what you got. I got
you, I got you. So, if you park in an area where
you know people might try to break into your
car or something, lock the door. I'm just gonna
say that, lock the door. Or they might steal.
Yeah, they might steal, because somebody broke
into my car because all my doors were unlocked.
They didn't break, they just opened the door.
That's the thing with cars, like I mean, but
you're not gonna break into a house, like as
people leave their house unlocked, like you're
not breaking into a house unless you're a crazy
person. But like a car, you walk past it, the
door opens. See what he got. What did they steal?
So he goes in there. I have everything. I got
a new pair. I got like these nice newish pair
of shoes that he takes from the back seat and
puts on the passenger seat in the front for some
reason. Then I got like a whole fishing gear.
I got the thing that you could jump the car with.
That's a whole machine that you can even blow
up your like tire with and stuff. I got a whole
wardrobe of clothes and then like a bunch of
other stuff like DVDs and stuff like that. And
the only thing he took was some body spray. Donate
to your local food shelter And then I did something
worse today that could have been a disaster so
I leave dude I'm I don't know. Maybe I am special
do I left all my doors unlocked again, right?
Did on my 15 it was it had to be like maybe like
three or four hours later I come back from my
like our lunch break and I see that my keys are
on the passenger like seat just If he would have
came back he'd like he's trying to give me the
car Like you're fucking with yeah, I gotta take
you would have had Oh my god That's beautiful.
That's like your car doors. Yeah, I mean I lock
up Yeah, well start doing it Do you feel bad
about all you what he thought about all your
other shit there? He's like, I'm fine. Yeah,
I got it cuz I'm white I leave the door unlocked
It because my thing is I'll be like man I look
around but I'll be all right if any of these
are gone Like I even had a Power Ranger pocket
knife in there with a thing that you could push
to break the window You know, I mean if you're
in a murder. Oh, yeah, and it cuts the seatbelt.
He just threw that to the side Is that the Power
Ranger version? Yep, the black Power Ranger one.
Oh, remember, we met him. Yep, I didn't meet
him. Oh, you didn't get to meet him? You met
him. Maybe next time. When was this? When we
were at Lone Goose and Syfy tried to fight him.
Yes. Yeah. Where that little black nigga at?
I'm like, Jesus fucking, it's the Black Ranger,
dude. Damn. Don't talk to him like that. Nah,
man. He's an American. He's a national treasure.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah, all those monsters he fought,
bro. Yeah, for us. Yeah. That's why America's
safe right now. Yeah. When we needed him the
most, he disappeared. He started break dancing
somewhere else. Now we just have him. My favorite
picture of all time, dude. It's beautiful. It's
the most, like, eight, seventies, eighty, uncle.
I got that, he drunk. I know, yeah, I'm a little
drunk. He about to beat his wife. No, no. Looking
like James Brown. I look crazy. Not a lot of
sweat. Not no sheena sweat. And we were outside.
And it was hot. Yeah, and it was hot. It was
hot out there. Did Dan powder you up? Nah, I
wish. I got a little cream. It ain't strong.
I don't think it's strong enough for you because
it ain't that strong. But it is a cream where
you put it on, you won't glisten because you
glitter like I see the light. I see your nose
is glistening. I feel something right here. You're
not sweating, but it's just like it's there.
So it's supposed to Keep the oil down. Dude,
that would help, because I was at a mic in Birmingham,
like, last month. And I had this one comment,
like, she didn't know me. And I was sweating,
like, terribly. And then, you know, my knees
hyperextend. Like, I got a picture of me trying
to go fishing. It looks like I'm a crane. So
I do this. A picture where his leg is out. And
it looked like I was a crane or something. Yeah.
Yeah, so me, I naturally do this where I rock.
But not sitting down standing up because that's
okay. And she keeps coming up to me and she's
like, are you okay? Are you nervous? Are you
gonna be all right? And I'm like, dude, I'm just
fine. Like talking and I'm having full -blown
conversation, laughing my ass off. She just put
her hand like, hey, it's gonna be okay. And I'm
like, just like back in the old days, right?
And people saw it was special. It's okay. Are
you all right, buddy? Damn. Thankfully, I did
great that day. And then she was like, oh, man,
maybe you're not that nervous. I was like, yeah,
I see. And he's just a sweaty person. No, and
then even Mike was like, damn, Brad, you finna
pass out. And I'm like, dude, I'm OK. Good. Then
they almost had a fight. That was crazy, too.
Who? That same lady. She was yelling at like
another comic. Like, I haven't really seen him.
Like, newer comic. But they were arguing. In
chat. No, it was in real life. Like we were in
Chattanooga. Oh, no, no, it wasn't Okay Other
Birmingham, but she was like saying something
like you not funny. He was like fuck you and
they just kept going back at it He just left
outside. I'm gonna get this chick to whoop your
ass and and soon as I saw him run out I would
do might go get a gun. Was it Odum? All right.
No, I have no idea who this dude. I don't think
that they say I don't think he goes out no more
See the thing about this shit is you are gonna
see a lot of people go like we had we haven't
talked about it, but Our cohort. Oh, yeah who
I replaced We're doing this let's say rest in
peace JJ you had a long hard fight and you know
People don't talk enough about anal fissures.
Yeah AIDS is hard to beat it is for your life,
especially when you have full -blown AIDS Fast
that's hard goes by fast That's his spirit talking
you would be a frog so we have a moment of time
silence for our friend All right Once this releases
we'll do weekly. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we're
back We're gonna have some fun to do some other
shit skits Huntsville comedy news some stand
-up shut this talk, you know Kind of like Joe
Rogan, but but we like the Jews. We like everybody
like well, well now just the Jews We're heavily
aligned They're fine He'll take a little convincing,
but I'll get him one day I hate Scrappy Doo.