WEBVTT

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This week on Clown College. What did you say,

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Brandon? The dump truck would be like the snake.

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The snake or the, what was the first one? The

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classical P. The dump truck. You call your penis

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dump truck. Dude, I call it all the time. I call

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it, hey man, the old football, the old chain.

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Chain? The old anaconda. Okay, I get Anaconda,

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and I get... Yeah, Snake is fine. Every other

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one is good. Well, what are some others? What

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I do is, you know how a mafia person will tell

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you they're trying to kill you, but they'll be

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like, hey, man, you keep messing around, I'm

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going to put you in the old shelter or something.

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I do it like that with my junk. Yeah, man, you

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know, the old vehicle's about to come out. The

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old Ford Taurus. The old Mustang GT, the scat

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pack. I like that. Welcome to Clown College.

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We have profound knowledge in many ways to elevate

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and make your sound polished. So if you want

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to hear a little honest, a few takes on our ways

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to make it as a comic, then stick around for

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a while, dip it down to Clown. We got a guest

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right now just to show you how. Let's all go

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to Clown College, baby. It's with Brandon, Bayless,

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Tom, and JJ. Let's all go to Clown College, baby.

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It's with Brandon Willis, Don and JJ. It's with

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Brandon Willis, Don and JJ. A good amount of

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times. Not wrong about that, yeah. He has super,

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like, everything. You think she can handle it?

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Yeah, he can adjust it. He can come at the speed

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of light. Yeah, I know, but he can control it.

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He just tell her to, like, you know, when people

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get risky and do the old raw thing, just pull

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out in time. Because, like, if she doesn't, she's

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going to die. So she's going to be like, you

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almost there yet? And he's like, I'm almost there.

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And as soon as she gets off, he just... Shoots

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a hole in their roof. Yeah, I just meant he could

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come quick. I didn't mean like he has like a

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laser. But maybe, yeah. Definitely got to pull

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out then. There's something probably out there.

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Yeah. Little did you know, his other kryptonite

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is condoms. Superman. You can put a Trojan and

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Freud at them. A what now? Trojan. A Trojan?

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Yeah, Trojan. That's what they call it. Trojan.

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Have you ever went to the counter and asked for

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Trojans? At my school, yeah. What the hell? At

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the counter? Yeah, because they sold them at

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the counter. Really? At your high school or your

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college? College. College. And they had a fire

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and ice one. I was like, I don't know. Yeah,

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let's try it. Yeah, how'd it go? Burned. Yeah,

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that wasn't good. That didn't work. Don't buy

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it. That's funny. This is like hot, cold. Yeah,

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no. Well, no, I used one once, but it was really

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cold. So do you get to pick? Yeah, I feel like

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I put it on upside down. No, you can pick a different

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one. There's a cold one, and then you got a hot

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one. Oh, okay. I thought it was like hot on the

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outside, cold on the inside. Would you want it

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cold on the inside, though? Yes. Yeah, man. I

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mean, Brandon seems to be sure. Cold on the inside.

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I don't know, because honestly, it didn't take

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effect until I'd already come. So I was just

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taking it off, and I was like, oh shit, my dick

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is getting cold. I was like, I guess that's what

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I was waiting on. It just hurts. Charlie Swisher.

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Yes, sir. filling in you got me at the last minute

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hell yeah appreciate you coming yeah no problem

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JJ's a piece of shit I'm always a call away I

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was uh I didn't want to say what I was doing

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when Alex called though which actually that was

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my first mistake cause you called and I was like

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uh uh you were like you got anything going on?

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And I was like, Oh, I'm not doing anything. You

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never start a call with that. Cause in case I

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wanted to change my mind and be like, no, I don't

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want to do it. Uh, but no, I was sitting there.

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I just, uh, made a fountain. And so I was enjoying

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my fountain. What the fuck do you mean you made

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a fountain? Like I, like I had like a, uh, a

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baby pool and I like dug a little trench and

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put the baby pool in there and then, uh, put

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a liner on it and put like a fountain in there.

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So it's pretty sick. That is sick, man. Look,

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I'm going to live in like a suburban ass house.

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I'm going to do suburban shit. It was really

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nice. That sounds like a good time. Yep. Peaceful.

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Yeah, I got to get back while the sun's still

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out. So this will be a quick up. So is it like

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outside or in your house? Outside. Outside in

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the backyard, yeah. Oh, yeah. You said it was

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in the pool too? Little baby pool. Yeah, I had

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a little baby pool. You going to swim in it?

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No, it's a little too small for that, especially

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with the fountain in there. But, I mean, I guess

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I could dip my feet in. I mean, why not? I'm

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already fucking sitting by a fountain in my backyard.

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I might as well put my feet in. Why not? Those

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are the only pools Brandon can swim in. Yeah.

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I'm not a good swimmer like this, man. I mean,

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I can swim for a little bit. Then we drown. No,

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we taught you how to swim, man. You're good.

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Yeah, I mean, I'm good for a little bit. About

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five minutes. Why do you think that's the time?

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Yeah, you can do it for five. You can swim. Oh,

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well, maybe, man. Like what happens after five?

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You get tired or you forget how? I don't know.

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Maybe because I'll do the doggy paddle. I don't

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know how long that lasts. It lasts for a long

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time. It lasts as long as I want? Okay. Doggy

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paddle. Or I can float. I mean, I can float,

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too. Just lay on my back. Yeah. That works. Wait,

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you can float on your back? Oh, yeah, man. Then

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you can last... Oh, then you're safe, then. No,

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I'm safe? Yeah, no, because, I mean, then, worst

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case scenario, you just float. I can swim pretty

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good, but I can't even, like, float on my back

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that well. Really? Yeah, I don't know. It's like,

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I finally figured out it's a... Like, it feels

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funny on your ears when you're doing it right.

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Right? Yeah, I figured you just... Anybody? I'll

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teach you. I feel like you just had a built -in

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snorkel for it. Well, that only works for backstroke.

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Yeah, I'll teach you how to float. I appreciate

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that, Brandon. You can give my lower back a nice

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little lift, a little lumbar support. The lower

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back legs. Speaking of lifting, you've been lifting

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a lot now, huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, really? I should.

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Went to the gym, worked out. Hell, yeah. Trying

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to get this job, man. Hell, yeah. Nice. Almost

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done. Two weeks till Brandon might be saving

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your life. Yeah. Damn. Hell, yeah. I need to

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tighten up. Yeah. I got to stop taking so many

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risks. Honestly, having a fountain in the backyard,

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I might drown. I got to get rid of that. Yeah.

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No more sharp corners. Tighten it up. Yeah. Did

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you know EMTs, they start off at $14 to $15 an

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hour? That is terrible. That's crazy. That is

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fucked up, yeah. Our whole pay scale is backwards

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on everything in the country. It's like the jobs

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that should be paid the most are paid the least

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and vice versa. True. You get some fucking guy

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with a startup and just get ample amount of money

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from everybody giving him money. Yeah, for a

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fucking quicker... Every time somebody has a

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startup, I don't even know what it is. I think

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it's just a way to funnel money. Yeah, it seems

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like it. It has to be. Usually there's an app

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involved, but I've never used any of this. The

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only apps I've downloaded are the ones everybody's

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heard. I have Uber Eats and Subway Server. That

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pretty much sums it up. WWE champions. What's

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that, League of Champions? No, WWE champions.

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We all have that one. Of course, foolish me.

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Fucking hog riders. Hog Riders. Yeah, you know,

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what's that thing called? Clash of Clans or something?

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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the quick one, there's

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Clash of Clans where you build a society or whatever,

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and then there's the fast -paced version one.

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Was it Clash Royale? Clash Royale, that's what

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I'm thinking of. Yeah, that's the one I'm more

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with. That's too much time for the first one.

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Yeah, it does take forever to build a city on

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your phone. They figured out it still needs to

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take a long time to be set up. Because if you

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could just put it all down, people wouldn't be

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into it. When it takes days, you feel like you

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did something. You ever see those games? It pops

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up on my Twitter. When they're shooting something,

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and you shoot this, you get times four. That

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ad is relentless on my YouTube. Every other ad

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is for the game. And they're like... You know,

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tired of those ads for games that when you get

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them, they're not really the game? Well, this

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one was designed off of that, but this is the

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real game. Yeah, dude, I hate it so fucking much,

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dude. And they lose on purpose, like on the ad

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part, because you're like, clearly you would

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shoot the fucking times 20 than this little fucking

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gun, and you shoot that one down to five, and

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then you go over there. You're not going to make

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that. So you're telling yourself, I want to get

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this guy. Yeah, exactly. You're like, I'd do

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better than this bitch. God damn it, dude. And

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she gets to make money. selling the game like

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let me do an ad because they always like that

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now where like it's the person pretending to

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play the game you know which I don't believe

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that they are I think they're like watching a

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video of the game and talking about it I just

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decided that today when I watched one of the

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ads I should just pay for YouTube yeah rather

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than download the free game if you watch YouTube

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and you don't I haven't I haven't paid for it

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for so long and then I watch you know sometimes

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you click on it and it'll be like you're watching

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regular and those ads are crazy Some is not skippable,

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and it's way longer now. Yeah, way longer, dude.

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Way longer. And it's worse on the TV, I've noticed.

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If you do YouTube on the TV, I guess they know,

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and they make the ads longer for sure. And more

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often. Really? Well, just with your info. TVs

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are spying on us? Oh, yeah. Walmart owns Vizio,

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and Vizio has Roku built in, so they have all

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your fucking logins. Okay. Habits. Walmart owns

00:10:23.460 --> 00:10:26.700
Roku. I do have, yeah. I do have a Roku TV, so

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I guess it's, yeah. Well, they're watching everything.

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Dude, it's literally the scene at the, I can't

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remember if it was the last one or the second

00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:37.539
to last in Severance, when there's the guys in

00:10:37.539 --> 00:10:39.980
the room at computers looking back through their

00:10:39.980 --> 00:10:44.179
computer. My bad. Spoiler. Oh, so you have. Yeah.

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What are you doing? Dude, they are always looking

00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:50.340
back. They got me out last week. I was joking

00:10:50.340 --> 00:10:51.779
with my friend. We were joking about cartoons.

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I was like, yeah, man, you know. And back in

00:10:54.509 --> 00:10:56.750
the day, Miss Incredible, like, I liked her.

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I was like, yeah, man, you know, even Mara Simpson,

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she wasn't that bad. And then we were talking

00:11:00.730 --> 00:11:02.330
about, like, I remember, you remember Family

00:11:02.330 --> 00:11:05.450
Guy? What's that girl's name? Lois? Lois. I was

00:11:05.450 --> 00:11:07.149
like, yeah, man, they weren't bad. I remember

00:11:07.149 --> 00:11:08.549
back then, I was like, yeah, man, I wouldn't

00:11:08.549 --> 00:11:10.649
mind. Like, that was some good shit. I used to

00:11:10.649 --> 00:11:13.470
like that. And then, like, next day, I was on

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TikTok, and then it popped up with the two twins,

00:11:16.590 --> 00:11:19.769
like, Marge's sisters. And then they were, like,

00:11:19.769 --> 00:11:21.330
on there, and then they just opened up like this.

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I was like, what the fuck? I never. I didn't

00:11:23.409 --> 00:11:25.309
search this up. My friends, we were all looking

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at my phone. They're like, what the hell? I was

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like, this is crazy. He's trying to cover his

00:11:29.870 --> 00:11:33.190
tracks. How the fuck? We were joking about March.

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I wasn't serious. Did you watch it? And it was

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TikTok? No, it was Instagram. Instagram lives.

00:11:38.970 --> 00:11:41.289
Still does. I feel like that's more, I mean,

00:11:41.309 --> 00:11:44.029
I've seen that on, like, porn sites. Yeah, that's

00:11:44.029 --> 00:11:47.490
why I was confused. Oh, yeah. Is that why? Yeah,

00:11:47.669 --> 00:11:48.669
and we looked at it and called, like, let me

00:11:48.669 --> 00:11:51.169
see if this is real. And then it was really going

00:11:51.169 --> 00:11:52.970
on, and I turned up, and I'm like, this is wild,

00:11:53.090 --> 00:11:56.110
man. I can't believe. Wait, what did you mean,

00:11:56.149 --> 00:11:57.470
let me see if it's real? Because I was like,

00:11:57.470 --> 00:11:59.210
man, maybe this is just a clip from the show.

00:11:59.529 --> 00:12:01.169
And then when I clicked on it, it was not a clip

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from the show. This was some fake shit. And I

00:12:04.850 --> 00:12:06.370
was like, I never searched this up. I don't know

00:12:06.370 --> 00:12:09.149
how we were joking about all this stuff. Because

00:12:09.149 --> 00:12:11.070
that classifies as, what did they call it? The

00:12:11.070 --> 00:12:13.309
hentai. And we were like, this is crazy. And

00:12:13.309 --> 00:12:15.149
then that pops up. And I'm like, this is wild

00:12:15.149 --> 00:12:19.629
as hell. Man. It is wild, yeah. So you clicked

00:12:19.629 --> 00:12:22.269
on how long did you watch it? I just looked at

00:12:22.269 --> 00:12:23.929
it one time. You're saying we. Yeah, because

00:12:23.929 --> 00:12:25.789
I was joking. I was like, this is crazy, y 'all.

00:12:25.850 --> 00:12:27.909
I mean, this has never popped up on my phone.

00:12:28.429 --> 00:12:30.730
We were talking about it. I'm sure it was equally

00:12:30.730 --> 00:12:32.950
as convincing then. They were joking around.

00:12:33.409 --> 00:12:35.610
And I did a joke. I was like, yeah, man, Marge

00:12:35.610 --> 00:12:38.350
Simpson, the sisters weren't bad either. And

00:12:38.350 --> 00:12:40.210
they're, like, joking around. And then that just

00:12:40.210 --> 00:12:42.009
popped up. Then it popped up. Yeah. So they know

00:12:42.009 --> 00:12:44.389
you. The sisters are terrible. Yeah, they do.

00:12:44.429 --> 00:12:46.610
I mean, they're literally made to be the worst.

00:12:46.850 --> 00:12:48.789
Like, they're, like, gross. Really? Like, Selma

00:12:48.789 --> 00:12:52.070
and... What are their names again? I swear it's,

00:12:52.129 --> 00:12:54.309
like, Selma and, like, Irma or some shit. Let

00:12:54.309 --> 00:12:56.519
me show you a picture, though. I mean, you can

00:12:56.519 --> 00:12:58.399
pull up a picture. I'm very aware of what they

00:12:58.399 --> 00:13:04.240
look like. I mean, literally, yeah. You said

00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:06.720
they're not bad? Well, at the time, they weren't.

00:13:08.419 --> 00:13:16.519
Back in their golden years. Season one when they

00:13:16.519 --> 00:13:18.679
were drawn even worse. That's when they looked

00:13:18.679 --> 00:13:22.379
good. What'd you say? Season one when they were

00:13:22.379 --> 00:13:26.419
drawn even worse. They got nothing. Wow. Maybe

00:13:26.419 --> 00:13:29.320
there's an episode where they were young. That's

00:13:29.320 --> 00:13:32.519
right. Patti Bouvier. Dude, I still am, but I

00:13:32.519 --> 00:13:35.320
was a huge Simpsons fan. Really? Me too. I don't

00:13:35.320 --> 00:13:37.080
remember as much as they, but I'd know random

00:13:37.080 --> 00:13:39.220
facts about it and stuff. Because I was trying

00:13:39.220 --> 00:13:44.080
to get every season DVD set. That was my goal

00:13:44.080 --> 00:13:46.559
for a little while. There's a lot of those motherfuckers.

00:13:46.580 --> 00:13:48.559
There's a fuck ton. Back then it was only like,

00:13:48.639 --> 00:13:53.250
it was less than 20. I think back then. How many

00:13:53.250 --> 00:13:57.549
is it now? It's the longest running TV show in

00:13:57.549 --> 00:14:02.789
history. It's still on right now, isn't it? Yep,

00:14:02.870 --> 00:14:06.309
still on now. I actually did watch a recent one

00:14:06.309 --> 00:14:09.429
not that long ago. It was still good. It wasn't

00:14:09.429 --> 00:14:13.549
like... extremely hilarious or anything, but

00:14:13.549 --> 00:14:16.289
it was alright. 785. I thought there'd be more.

00:14:16.669 --> 00:14:19.610
Episodes. How many seasons? 36 seasons. Damn.

00:14:21.370 --> 00:14:24.830
Damn, man, 1989? That's 20 years ago. That's

00:14:24.830 --> 00:14:27.950
when they started. Yeah, that one's even crazier,

00:14:28.029 --> 00:14:30.309
because that I would not expect to still be on

00:14:30.309 --> 00:14:33.009
TV. The Symptoms was there before I was born

00:14:33.009 --> 00:14:35.129
and through my whole life. It makes sense. But

00:14:35.129 --> 00:14:37.830
always Sonny is crazy, though. Whenever people

00:14:37.830 --> 00:14:40.750
are like, you couldn't make Seinfeld, I think,

00:14:40.750 --> 00:14:44.909
and somebody else with a TV show. The Office.

00:14:46.200 --> 00:14:48.480
Corral was like, you can't make that anymore.

00:14:48.639 --> 00:14:51.259
I'm like, Sonny still makes it. Yeah. I have

00:14:51.259 --> 00:14:54.200
not seen any recent seasons, to be fair. I mean,

00:14:55.200 --> 00:14:57.220
it's not like peak Sonny, but it's still funny.

00:14:57.360 --> 00:14:59.279
It's still who they are. And their whole reasoning

00:14:59.279 --> 00:15:01.879
is, which is 100 % right, like, we're making

00:15:01.879 --> 00:15:04.669
a show about... the four worst people you've

00:15:04.669 --> 00:15:07.070
ever met who work in a bar, and they're like,

00:15:07.169 --> 00:15:09.429
how can you keep it going? Because people like

00:15:09.429 --> 00:15:12.330
that, they don't change. They're always going

00:15:12.330 --> 00:15:14.529
to work in that bar. Yeah, yeah. And they're

00:15:14.529 --> 00:15:16.789
always going to, so if you're showing four of

00:15:16.789 --> 00:15:19.330
the shittiest people, you don't fucking butter

00:15:19.330 --> 00:15:22.009
it up to whatever is acceptable now. They're

00:15:22.009 --> 00:15:23.610
not going to do that. You ever met those people?

00:15:23.610 --> 00:15:24.929
Oh, right, because they wouldn't. Yeah, that's

00:15:24.929 --> 00:15:26.389
a good, okay, yeah, I see what you're saying,

00:15:26.529 --> 00:15:28.830
yeah. Yeah, I like that. They fought to take

00:15:28.830 --> 00:15:32.049
the, you know, they took the, the blackface episode

00:15:32.049 --> 00:15:35.350
off whenever he did um because they were arguing

00:15:35.350 --> 00:15:37.669
what's what's what's more racist blackface or

00:15:37.669 --> 00:15:40.769
black voice so dennis did half the movie and

00:15:40.769 --> 00:15:44.570
black voice that's right and then they took like

00:15:44.570 --> 00:15:47.049
both of those episodes down and they were mad

00:15:47.049 --> 00:15:49.370
about it they were like what the fuck but they

00:15:49.370 --> 00:15:51.090
still let him keep the first episode in when

00:15:51.090 --> 00:15:53.649
charlie says the hard really wow like in the

00:15:53.649 --> 00:15:56.870
first five minutes too yeah yeah the gang gets

00:15:56.870 --> 00:15:59.779
racist yeah yeah yeah I can't believe they take

00:15:59.779 --> 00:16:02.159
shit like that down. See, that's the overcorrection.

00:16:02.179 --> 00:16:04.740
That's what Republicans want. Dukes of Hazzard?

00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:08.960
Yeah, Dukes of Hazzard. Wait, what about Dukes

00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:12.200
of Hazzard? The whole show, you can't find it?

00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:16.080
You couldn't for a while. And they digitally

00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:18.440
took the Confederate flag off the top for a while.

00:16:18.440 --> 00:16:20.600
Off the top of the car? Come on, man, what are

00:16:20.600 --> 00:16:28.509
you doing? That's just stupid. world's going

00:16:28.509 --> 00:16:30.870
to shit because also then it just becomes everybody's

00:16:30.870 --> 00:16:33.110
just gonna be like like say that i don't know

00:16:33.110 --> 00:16:35.190
they brought back the tv show and they digitally

00:16:35.190 --> 00:16:37.870
get rid of it of the flag on top then it's just

00:16:37.870 --> 00:16:39.909
gonna be people being like you know there was

00:16:39.909 --> 00:16:41.590
actually confederate flag on top like it doesn't

00:16:41.590 --> 00:16:43.970
disappear people just go like that becomes the

00:16:43.970 --> 00:16:46.730
little factoid now and why you try to change

00:16:46.730 --> 00:16:51.519
fucking history it is what it is yeah Well, I

00:16:51.519 --> 00:16:58.799
mean, you should try to change. That's the voice

00:16:58.799 --> 00:17:03.740
that's held us back, Dom. For how many years?

00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:07.420
It is what it is. It is what it is. What you

00:17:07.420 --> 00:17:12.880
been up to? Other than the fountain. Not much.

00:17:12.940 --> 00:17:14.839
Playing FIFA. Actually, we were talking to Always

00:17:14.839 --> 00:17:18.660
Sunny, Glenn McElhenney, and what's his name?

00:17:19.400 --> 00:17:24.869
Rexum. FC. Ryan Reynolds. Right now in my FIFA

00:17:24.869 --> 00:17:28.869
game, we're battling it out for promotion. It's

00:17:28.869 --> 00:17:31.529
not going to happen for them. I already played

00:17:31.529 --> 00:17:33.990
my games against them for the season, but they're

00:17:33.990 --> 00:17:36.910
dropping off. I'm going up. I'm winning games

00:17:36.910 --> 00:17:39.769
like 7 -0 now, but I refuse to change the difficulty

00:17:39.769 --> 00:17:42.680
level. It's supposed to be fun. Yeah, exactly.

00:17:42.940 --> 00:17:45.440
It's supposed to be fun. Taking the Morecam shrimps

00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:48.259
all the way to the top. I've managed to get a

00:17:48.259 --> 00:17:51.559
half Caribbean team now, too. It's hard to draft

00:17:51.559 --> 00:17:54.599
players only from the Caribbean. It's very difficult.

00:17:55.420 --> 00:18:01.859
But I'm working on it. So, big stuff. So, what's

00:18:01.859 --> 00:18:05.079
your team? Is it your own team? No, it's Morecam

00:18:05.079 --> 00:18:08.549
FC. I just wanted to choose... As low tier as

00:18:08.549 --> 00:18:11.150
I could go in the game. So it's like, yeah, M

00:18:11.150 --> 00:18:14.630
-O -R -E -C -A -M -B. You said M -O -R -E? Yeah.

00:18:15.630 --> 00:18:21.849
C -A -M -B. You said M? Yeah. Is that it right

00:18:21.849 --> 00:18:24.710
there? Yeah, that's it. The shrimps, baby. Right

00:18:24.710 --> 00:18:27.609
there. The shrimps. What the fuck? It's a real

00:18:27.609 --> 00:18:30.799
team game, dude. No, no, no. That's not why I

00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:32.359
chose that. When I was scrolling through all

00:18:32.359 --> 00:18:34.980
the teams in fourth division or whatever, I saw

00:18:34.980 --> 00:18:36.279
this one with shrimps, and I'm like, that's just

00:18:36.279 --> 00:18:40.000
hilarious. That's not a shrimp at all. Yeah,

00:18:40.019 --> 00:18:42.900
what the fuck? That's a big -ass cat. Okay. Yeah,

00:18:42.980 --> 00:18:45.099
I mean, he's not lying. That's not a shrimp.

00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:46.859
So that's weird. I don't get that. But they do

00:18:46.859 --> 00:18:48.759
funny shit over there in England. Does he have

00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:52.059
three heads? Or is that his cheeks? Where are

00:18:52.059 --> 00:18:53.759
you seeing three heads at? No, that's his cheeks.

00:18:53.759 --> 00:18:55.400
Okay, I thought he had another face. You know,

00:18:55.400 --> 00:18:59.490
like Sylvester Cat. He got that too. With the

00:18:59.490 --> 00:19:02.670
little side things, yeah. But no, I did look

00:19:02.670 --> 00:19:04.730
up the town, Morecam, because I was like, I wonder

00:19:04.730 --> 00:19:06.109
what the hell's going on there. I don't know

00:19:06.109 --> 00:19:08.230
if I'm saying it right either. But the only thing

00:19:08.230 --> 00:19:10.630
that comes up about it, and this is crazy, because

00:19:10.630 --> 00:19:13.309
you hear about quicksand a lot when you're a

00:19:13.309 --> 00:19:16.940
kid. But... I don't know where the hell it is

00:19:16.940 --> 00:19:18.480
in the real world. I was starting to wonder if

00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:22.259
it's even real. But in Morecam, 28 people died

00:19:22.259 --> 00:19:26.059
in quicksand. What? Yeah. They have a really

00:19:26.059 --> 00:19:29.640
long, big beach there. And it's just the perfect

00:19:29.640 --> 00:19:33.359
mixture of sand and water. Add quicksand into

00:19:33.359 --> 00:19:36.079
the search. Yeah, let's see that. And if I remember

00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:38.980
right, it was a bunch of Chinese immigrants.

00:19:39.849 --> 00:19:42.309
uh picking like oysters and they didn't know

00:19:42.309 --> 00:19:43.789
that it's quick because they couldn't read the

00:19:43.789 --> 00:19:46.490
sign and it's easy for them to go down uh -huh

00:19:46.490 --> 00:19:48.769
yeah well i actually i would pick them to be

00:19:48.769 --> 00:19:50.210
able to get out of it i feel like that's like

00:19:50.210 --> 00:19:52.170
a fight that's like they don't have that much

00:19:52.170 --> 00:19:54.970
space until they're all the way under oh that's

00:19:54.970 --> 00:19:58.769
wow yeah that's thinking with your noggin that's

00:19:58.769 --> 00:20:00.509
the worst way i was just thinking like i feel

00:20:00.509 --> 00:20:02.670
like getting out of quicksand comes up somewhere

00:20:02.670 --> 00:20:06.349
in kung fu i'm not sure i'm unfamiliar with the

00:20:06.349 --> 00:20:09.589
martial arts but We were just talking about the

00:20:09.589 --> 00:20:11.789
worst ways to die, and Brandon said it. Who said

00:20:11.789 --> 00:20:13.670
they wanted to be burned alive? Brandon. Brandon,

00:20:13.750 --> 00:20:16.210
yeah. No, not me. I had a friend that said that.

00:20:16.329 --> 00:20:18.569
Oh, that's right. He was like, man, you know,

00:20:18.569 --> 00:20:20.390
it's good to die young. I'm glad that's what

00:20:20.390 --> 00:20:22.349
you're doing, because he's like, dude, hey, man,

00:20:22.410 --> 00:20:24.470
that's how I'd want to go, going in a fire looking

00:20:24.470 --> 00:20:27.390
dope as hell. That's the best way to go. It does

00:20:27.390 --> 00:20:29.490
look dope. He's like, it's great to die young.

00:20:29.730 --> 00:20:32.589
Pull up Monk on fire. Oh. Now, that one is badass.

00:20:32.630 --> 00:20:34.950
Yeah, that's the most, I feel like that's the

00:20:34.950 --> 00:20:38.039
most badass image humanity's ever taken. Because

00:20:38.039 --> 00:20:40.420
also it's like, I mean, it is cool that it's

00:20:40.420 --> 00:20:42.960
like the most, somebody made that the cover of

00:20:42.960 --> 00:20:44.859
their album. Like he ain't even moving, dog.

00:20:45.059 --> 00:20:48.680
Half his shit is on fire. Tough dude, man. Yeah,

00:20:48.700 --> 00:20:52.119
no, that shit is insane. Human Torch? I wonder

00:20:52.119 --> 00:20:55.140
if anybody's like. This promotion for the new

00:20:55.140 --> 00:20:57.440
Fantastic Four? Yeah. You want to see the Human

00:20:57.440 --> 00:21:00.720
Torch? Of course they would. Of course they would

00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:03.279
cast some Asian guy to play the guy from Fantastic

00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:07.849
Four. Let me see. 2025. Fucking woke media. Oh,

00:21:07.869 --> 00:21:11.049
so nobody ever responded to Brandon. Let's see.

00:21:11.490 --> 00:21:13.650
Should I look it up? Nobody says anything. I'll

00:21:13.650 --> 00:21:15.950
look it up. See, I mean, it does look dope, but

00:21:15.950 --> 00:21:18.150
that's not realistic. You don't think that's

00:21:18.150 --> 00:21:19.670
realistic? I mean, yeah, if you're getting burnt

00:21:19.670 --> 00:21:20.849
up, but you're not going to be flying around

00:21:20.849 --> 00:21:24.490
happy about it. No, no. They like the dudes who

00:21:24.490 --> 00:21:26.049
burnt themselves over. I don't even know what

00:21:26.049 --> 00:21:28.430
it was. Oh, yeah. See, look, this is why you

00:21:28.430 --> 00:21:29.130
don't kill yourself. The one at the White House.

00:21:29.130 --> 00:21:31.910
Yeah, you got to tell people what it's about

00:21:31.910 --> 00:21:34.819
before you do that, man. Taking breath. He's

00:21:34.819 --> 00:21:37.519
smiling. Oh, wow. That's crazy. That guy's running

00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:40.819
around. That's a free Tibet flag behind him,

00:21:40.859 --> 00:21:44.579
too, or a Tibet flag. Yeah, but no, a guy did

00:21:44.579 --> 00:21:46.539
that at the White House. It was not that long.

00:21:46.599 --> 00:21:49.079
It was only a couple years ago. But nobody knew

00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:51.259
what his message was. Let's see. White House

00:21:51.259 --> 00:21:56.680
fire. He thinks people should be on fire. We're

00:21:56.680 --> 00:21:59.200
running society wrong. We should be... On fire.

00:21:59.559 --> 00:22:03.059
Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. I'm good on that. You

00:22:03.059 --> 00:22:04.539
remember the one where he was screaming, and

00:22:04.539 --> 00:22:07.779
he was like, free Palestine. And he's the, ah,

00:22:07.859 --> 00:22:10.279
free Palestine. And then, like, you can tell

00:22:10.279 --> 00:22:12.180
that's when he got those vocal cords. He screamed

00:22:12.180 --> 00:22:14.119
for a good amount. Damn. Yeah. He got a good

00:22:14.119 --> 00:22:16.920
amount out of it. That's on Twitter? Yeah, it

00:22:16.920 --> 00:22:21.599
definitely was. We'll check that out. I'm starting

00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:24.279
to think you like to see death a lot. No, man.

00:22:24.839 --> 00:22:28.099
I like to prevent death. That's what I like to

00:22:28.099 --> 00:22:30.500
do. I like to prevent death. Well, if you're

00:22:30.500 --> 00:22:32.259
comfortable seeing it, you'll be more comfortable

00:22:32.259 --> 00:22:34.440
in that situation. Yeah, let's prevent it. I'm

00:22:34.440 --> 00:22:38.960
not. I mean, I'll watch fucked up videos online,

00:22:39.079 --> 00:22:42.460
but like, oh, God, there's one. This is the second

00:22:42.460 --> 00:22:44.140
time it popped up, so I should have known what

00:22:44.140 --> 00:22:48.170
it was. But it's a guy. outside of a house and

00:22:48.170 --> 00:22:50.630
a lady inside and she's filming him through the

00:22:50.630 --> 00:22:53.029
window and he's yelling he's clearly the problem

00:22:53.029 --> 00:22:56.450
in the situation like heavy domestic abuser vibes

00:22:56.450 --> 00:22:58.630
he's like god damn it sally have you and then

00:22:58.630 --> 00:23:01.910
he and he punches the window as soon as he punches

00:23:01.910 --> 00:23:04.670
it just explosion of blood and like you know

00:23:04.670 --> 00:23:07.369
he definitely cut his wrist and he's like help

00:23:07.369 --> 00:23:09.369
me help me and she's not doing shit which like

00:23:09.369 --> 00:23:11.890
you know because you can't turn from calling

00:23:11.890 --> 00:23:13.809
her a bitch to being like please save my life

00:23:15.899 --> 00:23:19.640
but damn yeah it every once in a while you see

00:23:19.640 --> 00:23:22.019
one and it really fucking gets you in the head

00:23:22.019 --> 00:23:23.680
and I was like ah fuck I shouldn't watch that

00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:26.599
because I just keep thinking about wrist like

00:23:26.599 --> 00:23:29.799
when was your first time seeing that seeing somebody

00:23:29.799 --> 00:23:34.119
die like online oh what was the first video I

00:23:34.119 --> 00:23:35.880
don't know I mean it was probably like a car

00:23:35.880 --> 00:23:38.460
wreck on TV right or like because they would

00:23:38.460 --> 00:23:40.599
say they would say on TV they'd be like oh they

00:23:40.599 --> 00:23:42.460
can't show it if somebody really died but like

00:23:42.990 --> 00:23:45.009
They show shit where people really die, for sure.

00:23:45.049 --> 00:23:47.289
Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah. Especially when it's

00:23:47.289 --> 00:23:48.369
breaking news. I mean, literally 9 -11, but...

00:23:48.369 --> 00:23:50.509
When it's breaking news. Oh, yeah, it's breaking

00:23:50.509 --> 00:23:54.349
news. Yeah, for sure. Or, like, when the war

00:23:54.349 --> 00:23:56.349
was popping off, they would show that shit. Uh

00:23:56.349 --> 00:24:00.329
-huh. Yeah. I don't know, though. I can't remember

00:24:00.329 --> 00:24:03.670
first for sure, but what are some highlights

00:24:03.670 --> 00:24:07.029
of... What do they call those movies? Yeah, what

00:24:07.029 --> 00:24:09.869
are the snuff film highlights? Face to Death.

00:24:10.470 --> 00:24:13.130
Face to Death? The fan from TV. What is that?

00:24:13.589 --> 00:24:17.049
It was like a film that you could rent. Oh, no,

00:24:17.109 --> 00:24:19.450
I don't know about this. Then you watch people

00:24:19.450 --> 00:24:23.109
die in various ways. No, we were on to DVDs by

00:24:23.109 --> 00:24:27.490
my childhood. Was that it? No, no, no. It's a

00:24:27.490 --> 00:24:32.049
video and it's just people dying. Is it scripted?

00:24:32.829 --> 00:24:35.950
That's the dude getting electrocuted right there

00:24:35.950 --> 00:24:37.589
with the shit over his eyes. So it's a scripted

00:24:37.589 --> 00:24:42.220
movie. No, this is real shit. Like, they have,

00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:45.200
like, I think they had a kid. Well, no, no, but

00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:47.759
a snuff film, like, I'm saying is it a scripted

00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:50.240
movie, but they are actually doing it. No, no,

00:24:50.359 --> 00:24:54.299
no. This is just a compilation of my favorite

00:24:54.299 --> 00:24:55.880
one. But where the hell do you get a video like

00:24:55.880 --> 00:24:59.859
that? Well, this is an electric chair. Oh, this

00:24:59.859 --> 00:25:02.200
is an execution. Yeah, execution, and then you

00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:04.200
see the blood comes out of his eyes after this.

00:25:04.339 --> 00:25:06.359
Oh, I see. And he's not dead after the first

00:25:06.359 --> 00:25:08.690
time they shock him. Damn. So they had to come

00:25:08.690 --> 00:25:10.450
and check his post and then do it again. Damn.

00:25:10.490 --> 00:25:12.390
See, that's why I prefer the acoustic chair.

00:25:14.109 --> 00:25:17.369
Sorry. Let's go down. Mark Zuckerberg, man. There

00:25:17.369 --> 00:25:19.450
was one. This is my favorite one. I might have

00:25:19.450 --> 00:25:21.910
said it on here before, but it's like, so they

00:25:21.910 --> 00:25:25.170
were going bungee jumping. Freelance bungee jumping.

00:25:25.789 --> 00:25:29.759
And they... What? Freelance? Yeah, they're just

00:25:29.759 --> 00:25:32.059
bumping, like, they're just going, they're hooking

00:25:32.059 --> 00:25:34.599
up, yeah, and jumping off. And they did it to

00:25:34.599 --> 00:25:36.740
this abandoned building, and they didn't account

00:25:36.740 --> 00:25:39.059
for them not having a 13th floor, because a lot

00:25:39.059 --> 00:25:41.759
of buildings back in the day had 13 floors kicking

00:25:41.759 --> 00:25:44.480
out. And I swear, he goes just like this, he's

00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:46.319
like, you guys catch me, and they're filming

00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:49.000
at the bottom, like, and he jumps, and he just,

00:25:49.119 --> 00:25:55.079
boom! It's not funny. Oh, my God. That is funny.

00:25:55.559 --> 00:25:57.819
Because he said, guys, catch me. Come on, man.

00:25:57.880 --> 00:26:00.259
That's like off a movie or something. You know

00:26:00.259 --> 00:26:03.339
what happened with the monkey? I don't know.

00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:05.500
But they got one on there where they got a monkey.

00:26:05.619 --> 00:26:07.440
And then, I guess it's in Thailand or something.

00:26:07.500 --> 00:26:11.519
They put it in this table so it's alive. But

00:26:11.519 --> 00:26:14.559
they eat its brain. But everybody beats it. Yeah,

00:26:14.579 --> 00:26:15.759
it's on Face of Death. I didn't know you beat

00:26:15.759 --> 00:26:17.299
the monkey. I think that's, yeah, it's right

00:26:17.299 --> 00:26:20.359
there. So everybody gets, like, a little mallet,

00:26:20.380 --> 00:26:21.819
and they hit the monkey in the head and beat

00:26:21.819 --> 00:26:23.799
it, and then they open the brain up and eat it.

00:26:23.819 --> 00:26:27.599
Oh, damn, man. No. You can't. Well, that thing

00:26:27.599 --> 00:26:31.200
would kill you, but still. That's a strong argument

00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:36.859
for colonialism. Maybe we should be running shit

00:26:36.859 --> 00:26:40.799
over there. They're glory -holing monkeys to

00:26:40.799 --> 00:26:44.000
slap. Is somebody getting mauled by a bear? Oh,

00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:46.220
yeah, you always got a couple of those. Well,

00:26:46.220 --> 00:26:49.279
yeah. Yeah, it happens. Oh, the stabbing. It

00:26:49.279 --> 00:26:54.440
was a psychiatric patient, and he had the nurse

00:26:54.440 --> 00:26:56.819
holding her like this, and he stabs her in the

00:26:56.819 --> 00:26:58.880
neck with, I think it was a pin or something.

00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:02.259
Oh, yeah. Let's see if we can find that. This

00:27:02.259 --> 00:27:04.279
it right here. He looks like no. There was always

00:27:04.279 --> 00:27:06.319
somebody in school who got stabbed with a pencil.

00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:08.539
Oh, man. That was always a thing. I did that.

00:27:09.019 --> 00:27:10.940
Would you ever be like, see, I have the lead

00:27:10.940 --> 00:27:13.240
still in. I remember as kids, it would be like,

00:27:13.319 --> 00:27:15.680
look, there's still lead in there. Like it's

00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:18.319
a bullet. Dude, I knew kids like that, man. He'd

00:27:18.319 --> 00:27:19.799
squeeze it and be like, look, see, it's coming

00:27:19.799 --> 00:27:21.839
out a little bit. Uh -huh. He'd smile at you.

00:27:21.980 --> 00:27:24.849
Yeah. Yeah, they were always. Fucking weird.

00:27:24.950 --> 00:27:26.970
Those are the ones you got to watch. I accidentally

00:27:26.970 --> 00:27:28.730
stabbed a kid in kindergarten because he was

00:27:28.730 --> 00:27:30.970
messing with a pencil. And you stabbed him? Yeah.

00:27:31.170 --> 00:27:33.269
You accidentally or did you? I don't know what

00:27:33.269 --> 00:27:36.650
happened. I got my ass beat because I stabbed

00:27:36.650 --> 00:27:38.549
him. How do you not know what happened? You didn't.

00:27:38.569 --> 00:27:41.369
It was like I just snapped because he just kept

00:27:41.369 --> 00:27:43.809
messing with me. I was like, leave me alone.

00:27:43.910 --> 00:27:46.690
That's it. Damn, that was your last day in regular

00:27:46.690 --> 00:27:50.220
class. And then my mom took me home. You got

00:27:50.220 --> 00:27:53.740
to remove that boy. That's horrible, man. I got

00:27:53.740 --> 00:27:56.440
my ass whooped. Your mama whooped your ass? Yeah,

00:27:56.440 --> 00:27:58.099
she did. She tried to paddle me. She's like,

00:27:58.220 --> 00:28:00.619
no, I got this. They still did paddling down

00:28:00.619 --> 00:28:03.240
here? Yeah, no way, dude. That's so. And I was

00:28:03.240 --> 00:28:05.160
like, just paddle me. And they're like, no, we

00:28:05.160 --> 00:28:06.779
can't paddle you. Your mom's going to go like,

00:28:06.920 --> 00:28:08.640
no, paddle me. You wanted them to. Yes, I did.

00:28:08.640 --> 00:28:10.279
Did you used to see kids get paddled? Oh, yeah.

00:28:10.339 --> 00:28:12.180
Like my friend, he would get paddled on the regular.

00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:14.920
That was here? Yeah, like when I was at Chapman.

00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:17.200
Oh, wow. Chapman Elementary or whatever? Yep.

00:28:17.240 --> 00:28:20.000
Yeah, okay, wow. Damn, that's crazy. It was like

00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:22.859
2009. Did they still do it? No, not anymore.

00:28:22.980 --> 00:28:25.960
It was 2009, 2010, though. Wow. I mean, that

00:28:25.960 --> 00:28:31.579
is late. I mean, really late. That's crazy. Wow.

00:28:32.059 --> 00:28:34.160
We were just talking about you got to beat your

00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:36.099
kids. When people go out there and have them.

00:28:36.160 --> 00:28:38.319
Not beat them, but you got to touch them up.

00:28:38.400 --> 00:28:40.660
A little tap. A little tap. If they get out of

00:28:40.660 --> 00:28:44.720
line. Just a little tap. Hey. Yeah. Nothing.

00:28:45.019 --> 00:28:47.680
Not, like, be all, like, punk. No, just a little

00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:49.920
tap. Just a little tap. Yeah, or you do, like,

00:28:49.940 --> 00:28:51.279
the... Newspaper, I guess. The, like, fucking...

00:28:51.279 --> 00:28:53.619
The dad pressure point thing. Oh, I'll... Just

00:28:53.619 --> 00:28:55.660
fucking grab you right here. Yeah. You don't

00:28:55.660 --> 00:28:57.539
have to beat nobody. Just a little tap. Like,

00:28:57.599 --> 00:28:59.640
don't do that. Hey. Yeah, you gotta, like, Krav

00:28:59.640 --> 00:29:02.799
Maga. Like, sort of do the fine little... Little

00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:05.519
newspaper, I guess. Fuck. poke them in their

00:29:05.519 --> 00:29:10.660
meridian lines. Shit. I don't know what that

00:29:10.660 --> 00:29:12.599
is. I don't know what that is either. I can't

00:29:12.599 --> 00:29:13.700
agree with that. I think that's where they...

00:29:13.700 --> 00:29:16.279
Charlie over here just talking. He said like

00:29:16.279 --> 00:29:17.799
four big words, but I think he's fucking with

00:29:17.799 --> 00:29:20.500
us. Are you messing with us, man? He said, grab

00:29:20.500 --> 00:29:25.059
my guy. No, I know what... No, we know what that

00:29:25.059 --> 00:29:28.039
is. It's a karate shit. It is funny that I was

00:29:28.039 --> 00:29:31.339
at Ace Hardware for my fountain supplies, and

00:29:31.339 --> 00:29:34.819
there was a guy with a shirt on that said, I

00:29:34.819 --> 00:29:38.140
mean it's like K -R -A -V space M -A -G -A and

00:29:38.140 --> 00:29:40.980
I was like oh MAGA I'm like crave MAGA like you

00:29:40.980 --> 00:29:43.960
like crave MAGA I thought it was some sort of

00:29:43.960 --> 00:29:46.839
like and then I realized it's Krav Maga it's

00:29:46.839 --> 00:29:49.619
like yeah but it just you're so accustomed to

00:29:49.619 --> 00:29:52.740
thinking MAGA you see M -A -G -A or you know

00:29:52.740 --> 00:29:55.759
you don't think Massachusetts Georgia you think

00:29:55.759 --> 00:29:57.880
fucking I mean it makes sense because he is in

00:29:57.880 --> 00:30:03.920
UFC Who was? Yeah, he is in UFC. But I feel like

00:30:03.920 --> 00:30:08.200
this guy... I don't think this guy does UFC.

00:30:08.460 --> 00:30:11.220
The guy I saw at Ace. I don't think. What are

00:30:11.220 --> 00:30:14.140
you saying? He didn't fit the shape of it? No,

00:30:14.180 --> 00:30:16.900
I'm just saying... You know, I don't know what

00:30:16.900 --> 00:30:19.000
I'm saying. He had a shirt on that said Krav

00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:22.230
Maga. But also, like... The MAGA was highlighted.

00:30:22.809 --> 00:30:24.890
So, like, I don't know. It still could have been

00:30:24.890 --> 00:30:26.890
a pun on it. Is it, like, a crossover? Is he,

00:30:26.930 --> 00:30:29.130
like, yeah, is he, like, being, like, I'm MAGA,

00:30:29.190 --> 00:30:31.170
and I'll, like, fight for it or something? Yeah,

00:30:31.170 --> 00:30:32.690
which that's what he loves. Because they had

00:30:32.690 --> 00:30:34.369
a whole ceremony. He got to go down and walk

00:30:34.369 --> 00:30:36.309
down. They were like, yeah, and everybody was

00:30:36.309 --> 00:30:37.369
cheering. Like, he was getting ready to fight.

00:30:37.650 --> 00:30:40.680
True. And they're pro -Israel, right? Trump and

00:30:40.680 --> 00:30:42.279
the... They're pro -Israel. I don't know. I think

00:30:42.279 --> 00:30:44.079
MAGA... I'm not a pro -Israel guy. I think MAGA's

00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:46.940
pro -Israel and Krav Maga's the Israeli one.

00:30:47.059 --> 00:30:49.160
Isn't it? That's like the Israeli army's fucking...

00:30:49.160 --> 00:30:55.119
If anybody can split up the MAGA following, it's

00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:57.220
the Jews. I'm going to tell you that. Watch.

00:30:57.680 --> 00:30:59.960
That's what's going to cut it. It's the people

00:30:59.960 --> 00:31:01.019
who support Israel. Because they run things.

00:31:01.220 --> 00:31:05.079
No, I'm kidding. Wait, but why them? I just think

00:31:05.079 --> 00:31:07.480
that's because people really love Jews. Uh -huh.

00:31:07.960 --> 00:31:10.319
But they have their conspiracy, too. Yeah, they

00:31:10.319 --> 00:31:12.220
got this conspiracy that they run everything.

00:31:12.460 --> 00:31:14.980
So all the people who were in the QAnon shit,

00:31:15.079 --> 00:31:17.880
and that's on Trump's side from that, I don't

00:31:17.880 --> 00:31:19.700
think they like the Jews. Oh, they're not going

00:31:19.700 --> 00:31:23.460
to be able to see eye to eye on this. Yeah. So,

00:31:23.680 --> 00:31:25.240
you know, they're always tearing things apart.

00:31:25.980 --> 00:31:31.779
Yeah. Wow. I mean. I see what you're saying,

00:31:31.839 --> 00:31:35.839
though. I'm just thinking, yeah, yeah. They probably

00:31:35.839 --> 00:31:38.380
won't be able to. Seattle. Thanks for Googling.

00:31:38.440 --> 00:31:40.680
You give him an Adam Sandler movie. Everybody

00:31:40.680 --> 00:31:43.700
loves Adam Sandler movies. Adam Sandler's shit.

00:31:43.859 --> 00:31:47.920
Big Daddy? I was watching that a couple... I

00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:50.700
guess, yeah. Oh, is that why? No, you're right.

00:31:50.859 --> 00:31:53.119
You're right. I was watching that two days ago,

00:31:53.200 --> 00:31:55.200
man. Big Daddy. Which one is that? The one where

00:31:55.200 --> 00:31:56.940
he gets to do from, you remember Sweet Life of

00:31:56.940 --> 00:31:58.980
Deck with Zack and Cody? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh,

00:31:59.140 --> 00:32:02.079
as his adopted son or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I

00:32:02.079 --> 00:32:03.240
can wipe my own ass. I forgot about that one.

00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:05.539
Did you watch Sweet Life of Deck on Zack and

00:32:05.539 --> 00:32:09.559
Cody? No, that was in 2004. Yeah, it'd be very

00:32:09.559 --> 00:32:12.500
strange if you watched that. I was just... Yeah.

00:32:14.589 --> 00:32:17.569
I was just recently shitting on all the Disney

00:32:17.569 --> 00:32:19.809
Channel shit. I was just saying, when I was growing

00:32:19.809 --> 00:32:22.990
up, I was like, Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon,

00:32:23.009 --> 00:32:25.910
fuck Disney Channel. I thought all the... They

00:32:25.910 --> 00:32:28.990
had all these... I know, I know, Brandon. I know

00:32:28.990 --> 00:32:31.130
you're going to have some opinions on this. That's

00:32:31.130 --> 00:32:35.609
why I'm bringing it up. To me, they were like

00:32:35.609 --> 00:32:40.690
weird, kind of like corny sitcom. Type things,

00:32:40.789 --> 00:32:43.009
but then people were hitting me with sweet life

00:32:43.009 --> 00:32:44.789
on deck. I was like yeah, I guess that one was

00:32:44.789 --> 00:32:48.250
pretty all right What was that so Raven Disney?

00:32:48.549 --> 00:32:50.829
Yes, that's a rave. Yeah, whether the Webley

00:32:50.829 --> 00:32:53.250
place that one sucks. Good luck Charlie Waverly

00:32:53.250 --> 00:32:57.630
place was awful Yeah, it was last one wizard

00:32:57.630 --> 00:33:00.369
a Webley place and then a good luck. I didn't

00:33:00.369 --> 00:33:02.549
watch you. Good luck Charlie I know that my name

00:33:02.549 --> 00:33:04.430
is that so you would you would think I would

00:33:04.430 --> 00:33:09.319
have oh, it's like chick. Yeah Dude, I remember

00:33:09.319 --> 00:33:11.420
Jessie. That's who I grew up with, too. Yeah,

00:33:11.619 --> 00:33:14.359
I remember that. She was on Sweet Life for Deck,

00:33:14.440 --> 00:33:15.980
too. Just wait until you open up your TikTok.

00:33:16.200 --> 00:33:18.319
You remember Debbie Ryan? She was on Sweet Life

00:33:18.319 --> 00:33:22.059
for Deck, also. Is it Deck? Sweet Life for Deck?

00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:25.910
Yes. Yeah. Wait, let's double check. Oh, wait,

00:33:25.970 --> 00:33:28.170
yeah, because that was the second season, or

00:33:28.170 --> 00:33:29.890
the second spin -off. Originally, it was just

00:33:29.890 --> 00:33:33.009
Suite Life with Zack and Cody. Suite smelled

00:33:33.009 --> 00:33:36.970
like a hotel suite. They lived in a hotel. Oh,

00:33:36.970 --> 00:33:39.809
okay. That was good, yeah. In fact, yeah, I don't

00:33:39.809 --> 00:33:42.670
remember on deck being... Oh, yeah, those boys

00:33:42.670 --> 00:33:46.430
were twins. Uh -huh. See, there he is right there,

00:33:46.509 --> 00:33:52.119
yep. Man, time flew by, man. It's like yesterday.

00:33:52.500 --> 00:33:53.960
Oh, dude, wait. Have you seen the interview?

00:33:54.119 --> 00:33:56.960
One of them does this interview where he's, like,

00:33:57.339 --> 00:33:59.180
it's more recent, and he's smoking a cigarette.

00:33:59.839 --> 00:34:04.420
And it's, like, the most, I mean, like, obnoxiously,

00:34:04.420 --> 00:34:09.019
like, cool guy shit. Like, he goes, you mind

00:34:09.019 --> 00:34:11.920
if I smoke in here? And the lady doing the podcast

00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:14.340
or interview is like, yeah, yeah, go ahead. She's

00:34:14.340 --> 00:34:16.059
not going to say no. He's the biggest name they've

00:34:16.059 --> 00:34:17.260
had in one of our houses. Oh, shit, that's worse

00:34:17.260 --> 00:34:21.309
than expected. No, just, uh, and then put interview

00:34:21.309 --> 00:34:23.190
in it. Oh yeah. That's, that's the picture from

00:34:23.190 --> 00:34:27.250
it. He's just like, yeah. I mean like, I just

00:34:27.250 --> 00:34:29.389
like to smoke like cigarettes, you know, like,

00:34:29.429 --> 00:34:31.570
cause now like people just blow smoke in the

00:34:31.570 --> 00:34:35.170
air. No way. Yeah. Please have your cigarette.

00:34:36.110 --> 00:34:38.130
Let's open the door. I don't know. People get,

00:34:38.170 --> 00:34:40.760
people are all cool about. It's fine. Everyone's

00:34:40.760 --> 00:34:42.880
smoking weed in like a studio. But not a fucking

00:34:42.880 --> 00:34:45.599
cigarette. And everyone gets like this. It's

00:34:45.599 --> 00:34:48.480
fine. It's fucking fine. I'm curious. Did you

00:34:48.480 --> 00:34:51.920
even go to like elementary school? I did. It

00:34:51.920 --> 00:34:55.449
was off and on. It was in between jobs, mainly.

00:34:55.630 --> 00:34:59.409
But most of my younger curriculum was homeschooled.

00:34:59.449 --> 00:35:01.489
Which is great, because to be honest, I did not

00:35:01.489 --> 00:35:04.489
feel like I missed out on much. I just felt like

00:35:04.489 --> 00:35:08.090
I watched myself do this in the mirror, lighting

00:35:08.090 --> 00:35:11.469
up a cigarette. And with the cross -legged thing.

00:35:13.030 --> 00:35:15.769
There's another one a lot like that with Johnny

00:35:15.769 --> 00:35:18.630
Depp from forever ago. They made us watch it

00:35:18.630 --> 00:35:23.659
in theater class in high school. Because he's

00:35:23.659 --> 00:35:26.599
Johnny Depp, it kind of works. To me, it's not

00:35:26.599 --> 00:35:30.179
pretentious bullshit like that. And then type

00:35:30.179 --> 00:35:32.539
interview at the end. When they're famous like

00:35:32.539 --> 00:35:35.780
that from such a young age, you don't have any

00:35:35.780 --> 00:35:37.820
real world to... You don't even understand. Right

00:35:37.820 --> 00:35:41.260
here? No, it's not that. This one would be a

00:35:41.260 --> 00:35:44.219
deep cut to find. I think they showed it to us

00:35:44.219 --> 00:35:47.019
on a VHS. But yeah, probably starting with videos

00:35:47.019 --> 00:35:54.130
does help. I'm going to talk about cigarettes.

00:35:56.090 --> 00:36:05.309
Mind if I smoke in here? I think you can't feel

00:36:05.309 --> 00:36:07.710
sorry for somebody who grew up rich and all this

00:36:07.710 --> 00:36:09.449
stuff, but you kind of can because they don't

00:36:09.449 --> 00:36:13.050
have a realistic view of the world. So when they

00:36:13.050 --> 00:36:15.050
act like this, they just don't know. No, and

00:36:15.050 --> 00:36:17.210
it's not their fault that they grew up. I used

00:36:17.210 --> 00:36:19.309
to be way more like... fuck them but now I'm

00:36:19.309 --> 00:36:20.849
kind of like well I don't know people are just

00:36:20.849 --> 00:36:23.409
born and then they become a thing whether they

00:36:23.409 --> 00:36:26.989
mean to or not you can't control where you are

00:36:26.989 --> 00:36:28.510
you can be in a dumpster you can be in a mansion

00:36:28.510 --> 00:36:31.269
anywhere you're born you'll be born in a toilet

00:36:31.269 --> 00:36:34.090
like it happens is that where you were born no

00:36:34.090 --> 00:36:37.349
thankfully no I was born in Detroit hospital

00:36:37.349 --> 00:36:39.469
you were born in a hospital though yep thankfully

00:36:39.469 --> 00:36:43.289
yes complications I think I was premature a little

00:36:43.289 --> 00:36:46.730
bit what about like lack of oxygen I think so

00:36:46.730 --> 00:36:49.690
because I was yellow. Oh, you were a jaundice

00:36:49.690 --> 00:36:51.909
baby. Yeah, we almost died, like both of us.

00:36:51.989 --> 00:36:53.730
And the doctor came at the last second and saved

00:36:53.730 --> 00:36:58.010
us. They were so close. His twin named jaundice.

00:37:02.329 --> 00:37:04.989
So you're a survivor. Yes, I am a survivor. You're

00:37:04.989 --> 00:37:07.070
not going to give up. Came out the womb fighting.

00:37:09.090 --> 00:37:11.570
Yeah, like a Simpson, man. I was yellow as hell.

00:37:11.889 --> 00:37:14.750
Yeah. Man, dude, I'm telling you, I was almost

00:37:14.750 --> 00:37:17.750
not here. At first, it was already a surprise.

00:37:18.449 --> 00:37:21.070
That you were being born. Oh, yeah. Nobody expected

00:37:21.070 --> 00:37:23.510
that. All the way until you were born? Well,

00:37:23.590 --> 00:37:26.510
no, no, no. We knew, but before that, they were

00:37:26.510 --> 00:37:28.170
like, oh, man, this is good. I could have kids.

00:37:29.590 --> 00:37:32.190
Oh, she did though. She could have did. Yeah.

00:37:32.230 --> 00:37:34.590
And then, so it was like ever since, it was like

00:37:34.590 --> 00:37:37.429
since day one, just been fighting in this world,

00:37:37.550 --> 00:37:39.889
man. You're a miracle baby. Yes, I am. I went

00:37:39.889 --> 00:37:44.199
poof. Man, Brandon versus the world. I'm glad

00:37:44.199 --> 00:37:46.659
to be here today, everybody. We're going to get

00:37:46.659 --> 00:37:48.300
you your Make -A -Wish so you can get your miracles

00:37:48.300 --> 00:37:50.900
back. Yeah, Make -A -Wish, right? What would

00:37:50.900 --> 00:37:52.340
be your Make -A -Wish? My Make -A -Wish? Well,

00:37:52.480 --> 00:37:54.460
I already said it. Yeah, I do think you have.

00:37:54.760 --> 00:37:57.179
But, I mean, dude. Wait, your what? Oh, it was

00:37:57.179 --> 00:37:59.579
when I was talking to Jalen. I was talking about,

00:37:59.639 --> 00:38:01.559
like, all the world peace and all that shit.

00:38:02.280 --> 00:38:04.619
That was a lot. Everything. Well, me as a kid,

00:38:04.699 --> 00:38:06.159
because it's like, you can't do that now. I was

00:38:06.159 --> 00:38:07.400
like, man, I want to do everything. I want to

00:38:07.400 --> 00:38:09.460
go strip club. A little more virginity as a kid.

00:38:09.480 --> 00:38:11.219
But now, I guess, man, a lot of things. We can

00:38:11.219 --> 00:38:14.760
go to WrestleMania. Okay, yeah. WrestleMania.

00:38:15.739 --> 00:38:19.360
Put me on Saturday Night Live. It'd be a lot,

00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:20.539
man. I'd be like, WrestleMania. There's, like,

00:38:20.579 --> 00:38:23.619
a fast pass line there for the fucking Make -A

00:38:23.619 --> 00:38:26.780
-Wish kids. Give me money from the bank. Everything.

00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:31.179
I got a list. Man. Never ends. Wait, what was

00:38:31.179 --> 00:38:33.460
the last one? The bank? Oh, yeah, man. Give me

00:38:33.460 --> 00:38:35.619
money from a bank, I guess. I do think that's

00:38:35.619 --> 00:38:37.880
where they draw the line. I don't think a Make

00:38:37.880 --> 00:38:40.179
-A -Wish kid can be like, how about you just

00:38:40.179 --> 00:38:42.400
give me money? Yeah, I'm like, let's get some

00:38:42.400 --> 00:38:44.539
money. They'd probably save money if they did

00:38:44.539 --> 00:38:46.739
that, though. Yeah, they're like, yeah, he just

00:38:46.739 --> 00:38:49.760
works as like an interest -gaining thing. They're

00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:51.579
like, well, you give it to him, and then when

00:38:51.579 --> 00:38:55.039
he dies, you get it back at 2 % more. Put me

00:38:55.039 --> 00:38:58.039
in WWE Hall of Fame. Put you in it? Yeah. Without

00:38:58.039 --> 00:39:01.159
doing any wrestling? Yeah. He died. Put me on

00:39:01.159 --> 00:39:05.559
Saturday Night Live. He's an alumni. That would

00:39:05.559 --> 00:39:08.820
be funny. Just die on the set. Oh, no. Is it

00:39:08.820 --> 00:39:11.579
raining outside? Sorry. That really took us out

00:39:11.579 --> 00:39:14.619
of the... Also, it's just the AC kicking on.

00:39:15.019 --> 00:39:19.119
I got a fountain back home. I put a very specific

00:39:19.119 --> 00:39:21.500
amount of water in there. I don't need the rain

00:39:21.500 --> 00:39:25.300
fucking that up. Brad, I'm just looking at you

00:39:25.300 --> 00:39:27.679
with this hair. We got to shoot a skit where

00:39:27.679 --> 00:39:30.480
he's like an 80s something. I look like I'm from

00:39:30.480 --> 00:39:33.460
the 80s, don't I? Yeah, you look like an 80s

00:39:33.460 --> 00:39:36.300
cop, I feel like. You'd be like the side character

00:39:36.300 --> 00:39:39.309
in an 80s cop comedy. You let your sideburns

00:39:39.309 --> 00:39:41.449
grow out. Can you make them grow out a little

00:39:41.449 --> 00:39:42.869
fatter? Oh, yeah. You can get the sideburns,

00:39:42.869 --> 00:39:45.349
too. Oh, man, dude. My biological dad, he was

00:39:45.349 --> 00:39:49.250
a cop. Really? Yeah, in the 80s. Interesting.

00:39:49.449 --> 00:39:51.769
I think my dad's biological dad was a cop. I

00:39:51.769 --> 00:39:53.389
might be wrong about that. Really? I think so.

00:39:53.969 --> 00:39:56.269
I don't know. We don't have no snitches in our

00:39:56.269 --> 00:40:03.809
family. Damn. And you guys are poor. No, I'm

00:40:03.809 --> 00:40:14.599
kidding. Yeah, I don't know. Cops. That's where

00:40:14.599 --> 00:40:18.079
we hit a dead end, huh? It's like cops. Well,

00:40:19.000 --> 00:40:22.219
yeah. That all up, right, Brad? Because you got

00:40:22.219 --> 00:40:24.119
to work with them. Yeah, see, not all of them.

00:40:24.320 --> 00:40:26.179
No, man. There's some good ones out there. They

00:40:26.179 --> 00:40:28.159
save people's lives just like you're about to

00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:30.960
do. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. You can. Shoot,

00:40:31.019 --> 00:40:32.960
I've seen. You ever seen Paul Blart, Mall Cop?

00:40:33.079 --> 00:40:35.210
Man, that's a good cop right there. Fucking,

00:40:35.250 --> 00:40:37.650
what was it, Axel Foley with Beverly Hills Cops?

00:40:37.989 --> 00:40:40.329
That's a good cop. Which one is the one with

00:40:40.329 --> 00:40:42.269
the guy that makes the sounds? Wait, wait, what?

00:40:42.369 --> 00:40:45.110
Oh, Police Academy. Yeah, and what's his name

00:40:45.110 --> 00:40:47.409
again? What's the sound guy? Winslow. That's

00:40:47.409 --> 00:40:49.730
Michael Winslow who does the sounds? Yeah, right.

00:40:49.829 --> 00:40:52.929
Really? I thought it was, I don't know, I thought

00:40:52.929 --> 00:40:57.929
it was somebody else. Yeah, but there's other

00:40:57.929 --> 00:41:01.190
guys that do this, like, sound shit. There's

00:41:01.190 --> 00:41:03.389
other, if I remember right, there's other, I

00:41:03.389 --> 00:41:05.780
mean, This isn't even controversial. Those other

00:41:05.780 --> 00:41:09.119
black guys that make funny sounds. It's not just

00:41:09.119 --> 00:41:17.239
Winslow. Him? Yeah, I guess that is him. Who

00:41:17.239 --> 00:41:21.179
am I thinking of though? Bobby McFerrin is who

00:41:21.179 --> 00:41:23.059
I was thinking of. I don't know why I thought

00:41:23.059 --> 00:41:28.510
it was him. Bobby McFerrin? Yeah, do you know

00:41:28.510 --> 00:41:31.909
who that is? No. I guess he just does music.

00:41:32.050 --> 00:41:34.909
For some reason, I thought he acted, too. Oh,

00:41:35.349 --> 00:41:38.769
he did Don't Worry, Be Happy. Don't Worry. Yeah,

00:41:38.829 --> 00:41:41.030
yeah. Dude, he's actually really fucking cool.

00:41:42.030 --> 00:41:47.050
He can sing really well. Like, does crazy singing

00:41:47.050 --> 00:41:51.250
things. And he has this video where he's at some

00:41:51.250 --> 00:41:52.590
conference or some shit. I don't know. But he's

00:41:52.590 --> 00:41:54.570
on stage, and he's showing people that, like,

00:41:54.590 --> 00:42:00.230
you innately know. music so basically he's like

00:42:00.230 --> 00:42:02.590
he is standing in one spot on the stage and he's

00:42:02.590 --> 00:42:05.829
like when I jump here go ah and so he jumps and

00:42:05.829 --> 00:42:08.269
the crowd goes ah and then he jumps a little

00:42:08.269 --> 00:42:10.289
to the right and he goes when I jump here go

00:42:10.289 --> 00:42:13.889
ah and then they go ah and then he does this

00:42:13.889 --> 00:42:15.269
whole little thing back and forth where he's

00:42:15.269 --> 00:42:19.030
like ah ah ah like jumping around but then without

00:42:19.030 --> 00:42:20.869
telling anybody anything he jumps to a third

00:42:20.869 --> 00:42:23.139
spot And the whole crowd go up with them. They

00:42:23.139 --> 00:42:25.800
all go, ah. Like, they go up with them. So he's

00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:27.639
saying, like, you know the pentatonic scale,

00:42:27.719 --> 00:42:30.440
like, just inside of you. And so, I don't know.

00:42:30.519 --> 00:42:34.599
That's cool. That sounds dope as hell. Yeah.

00:42:34.780 --> 00:42:38.480
Yeah. I thought it would sound dope as hell.

00:42:41.059 --> 00:42:45.860
Get all those people to do that, man. It is cool,

00:42:45.980 --> 00:42:48.340
though. It's, like, a cool. I like those, like.

00:42:49.449 --> 00:42:51.030
I don't know. I guess I like somebody who can

00:42:51.030 --> 00:42:54.929
teach well, I guess. I mean, it's like that thing

00:42:54.929 --> 00:42:57.710
where they rub your hand and they put a fake

00:42:57.710 --> 00:43:00.550
one there and you can feel it. Yeah, like that

00:43:00.550 --> 00:43:03.889
ghost face. I mean, I'm not quite sure in what

00:43:03.889 --> 00:43:09.690
way it's like that. But I mean, those are both

00:43:09.690 --> 00:43:14.119
things. So I guess you could draw a comparison,

00:43:14.260 --> 00:43:18.780
yeah. But that is also crazy. I won't lie, I

00:43:18.780 --> 00:43:21.340
react with the same craziness. Whoa, you can

00:43:21.340 --> 00:43:23.480
fucking feel it? That's crazy. And they'll do

00:43:23.480 --> 00:43:26.119
it with the hammer. They put the mirror on them

00:43:26.119 --> 00:43:27.840
like this, and you're looking at the fake hand,

00:43:27.900 --> 00:43:29.619
but you think it's your real hand, and they smash

00:43:29.619 --> 00:43:32.159
it. That is pretty cool. That is dope. I saw

00:43:32.159 --> 00:43:34.300
something like that yesterday where this dude,

00:43:34.420 --> 00:43:36.920
he had a piano that whenever he hit it, it would

00:43:36.920 --> 00:43:40.599
shoot. at something. Oh, I've seen that. He got

00:43:40.599 --> 00:43:42.440
the choir. The paintballs. Yeah, and he just

00:43:42.440 --> 00:43:44.840
kept shooting them. And then they were like screaming.

00:43:45.099 --> 00:43:49.139
Each key, or what was it? He was trying to play

00:43:49.139 --> 00:43:51.780
the people like an instrument. So like, I think

00:43:51.780 --> 00:43:54.199
each person had a note. That corresponded to

00:43:54.199 --> 00:43:56.440
the piano key. So when they got shot by the paintball,

00:43:56.480 --> 00:43:58.340
they go, ah. Or maybe they didn't have a note.

00:43:58.440 --> 00:44:01.800
But they would all go, ah, ah, ah. Yeah. And

00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:03.679
he had to do auto -tune because they would just

00:44:03.679 --> 00:44:05.920
be like, ah. Yeah. And he's like, that ain't

00:44:05.920 --> 00:44:07.679
right. No, but by the end, they were like, all

00:44:07.679 --> 00:44:09.400
right, can we please? Because he's like, they

00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:11.199
keep messing it. He's trying to play a whole

00:44:11.199 --> 00:44:13.440
piece and they keep messing up. And by the end,

00:44:13.440 --> 00:44:15.719
they're like, this hurts. Can you stop, please?

00:44:15.780 --> 00:44:19.300
We don't care that you want to play fucking Beethoven's

00:44:19.300 --> 00:44:21.619
Fifth or whatever. Y 'all want to see it? uh

00:44:21.619 --> 00:44:27.800
yeah gun piano that's it right there yeah this

00:44:27.800 --> 00:44:32.980
is the first european tick tocker it's like austrian

00:44:32.980 --> 00:44:38.159
or some but eventually we found some music students

00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:55.110
that said yes I will try going up the scale.

00:45:00.130 --> 00:45:04.070
Shooting them definitely created a lot of sound,

00:45:04.170 --> 00:45:07.070
but it wasn't music. However, I had an idea.

00:45:07.269 --> 00:45:10.670
Look at these microphones. This setup will force

00:45:10.670 --> 00:45:13.309
the correct note to be sang, so even their screams

00:45:13.309 --> 00:45:17.030
will become beautiful music. It's Hitler. Yeah.

00:45:18.050 --> 00:45:21.050
Ready? Even the screams will become beautiful

00:45:21.050 --> 00:46:02.489
music Somebody said I will kill you. Yes You

00:46:02.489 --> 00:46:07.309
should never get these niggas money. That's what

00:46:07.309 --> 00:46:12.250
music's all about, I guess. Yeah, fucking Doge

00:46:12.250 --> 00:46:14.550
or whatever would say that. Like, that was USAID

00:46:14.550 --> 00:46:21.909
funded. Human gun piano? Brandon, I will have

00:46:21.909 --> 00:46:25.679
to tell you. I think you were right. About the

00:46:25.679 --> 00:46:30.000
urinal. Really? So what happened was we were

00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:35.059
out at Lone Goose, and I had gray pants on, gray

00:46:35.059 --> 00:46:38.780
jeans. And I went to the urinal, and I was talking

00:46:38.780 --> 00:46:41.099
to Jake. We were in a deep conversation. And

00:46:41.099 --> 00:46:44.019
I didn't realize that I didn't pull my – I pulled

00:46:44.019 --> 00:46:45.780
it out of my boxers but not out of my pants,

00:46:45.960 --> 00:46:48.480
and I pissed all the way down my pants on both

00:46:48.480 --> 00:46:51.500
sides. Oh, my God. And I didn't realize it until

00:46:51.500 --> 00:46:54.380
– until i got done and then jake was like so

00:46:54.380 --> 00:46:58.719
i had to follow behind him and i walked out to

00:46:58.719 --> 00:47:02.340
the car and luckily from that scene with chandler

00:47:02.340 --> 00:47:06.440
we're shooting a skit and i had some the ugliest

00:47:06.440 --> 00:47:08.900
jeans in the world and i put those on went back

00:47:08.900 --> 00:47:11.820
in nobody noticed oh my god nobody said anything

00:47:11.820 --> 00:47:14.900
what a getaway though yeah that's impressive

00:47:14.900 --> 00:47:19.000
but also that is crazy that you full piss Oh,

00:47:19.000 --> 00:47:22.039
full. Like, down both sides. I don't even know

00:47:22.039 --> 00:47:25.500
how that happens. I still don't know how. Someone

00:47:25.500 --> 00:47:28.920
pissed in my face. Yeah. That's why you got to

00:47:28.920 --> 00:47:30.760
go in the stall, stand up, sit down, do what

00:47:30.760 --> 00:47:32.800
you got to do. So you still going to do user

00:47:32.800 --> 00:47:34.480
urinal? Yeah, I'm still going to use it. Okay,

00:47:34.579 --> 00:47:38.300
cool. It was user error, but I was like, when

00:47:38.300 --> 00:47:40.739
it happened, I was like, you know, I should have

00:47:40.739 --> 00:47:42.719
listened to Brandon and dropped her out. I was

00:47:42.719 --> 00:47:44.079
going to say, yeah, that wouldn't have happened.

00:47:44.199 --> 00:47:47.710
If you were in the stall. Well, no, if you dropped

00:47:47.710 --> 00:47:50.010
your pants all the way to your ankle. In the

00:47:50.010 --> 00:47:52.670
stall. Well, yeah, I mean, I guess that's the

00:47:52.670 --> 00:47:54.349
perfect solution. But both ways it wouldn't happen.

00:47:54.429 --> 00:47:56.289
If you dropped them in a urinal or in the stall.

00:47:56.469 --> 00:47:59.730
Or sat down. You do sit down now, Pete? No, no,

00:47:59.730 --> 00:48:01.389
no. I graduated from that. I've been messing

00:48:01.389 --> 00:48:03.809
around with sit down, actually. I've been sitting

00:48:03.809 --> 00:48:05.250
down more. How does it feel? Because you could

00:48:05.250 --> 00:48:07.090
pull out a phone and, like, look at a movie or

00:48:07.090 --> 00:48:11.670
something. Yeah. I mean, that is kind of. But

00:48:11.670 --> 00:48:14.090
you don't do it. I actually don't really know

00:48:14.090 --> 00:48:17.530
why I started doing that. But, yeah, at home

00:48:17.530 --> 00:48:19.849
lately I've been sitting more often to pee. Oh,

00:48:19.929 --> 00:48:22.150
I just got tired of wiping the edge. Because,

00:48:22.449 --> 00:48:25.110
like, even if I'm on target, which, I mean, you

00:48:25.110 --> 00:48:28.750
know, I don't know. I'm under 300 on that. But,

00:48:28.769 --> 00:48:30.809
like, it's not terrible. I'm not, like, totally

00:48:30.809 --> 00:48:33.409
missing. Because you ever have where, like, you.

00:48:33.719 --> 00:48:37.099
You whip it out, and it goes a little more to

00:48:37.099 --> 00:48:39.360
the side. Oh, without a doubt. Dude. Yeah, sometimes

00:48:39.360 --> 00:48:41.179
that's hard to account for because you're like,

00:48:41.239 --> 00:48:44.059
I'm lined up down the middle, didn't know it

00:48:44.059 --> 00:48:45.920
was going to be a foul ball or something. Yeah,

00:48:45.920 --> 00:48:48.099
you didn't take into the wind factor. Yeah. Well,

00:48:48.119 --> 00:48:50.139
there's no wind in my bathroom. That would be

00:48:50.139 --> 00:48:53.679
funny if you just had a fan right by it. Check

00:48:53.679 --> 00:48:56.659
out the curve on this. I'm glad you agree with

00:48:56.659 --> 00:49:00.019
my claim, man. Of sitting down being. No, not

00:49:00.019 --> 00:49:02.130
just that. I was going to be like, why? So you

00:49:02.130 --> 00:49:04.329
would never be like, hey, man, let's use the

00:49:04.329 --> 00:49:09.369
stall and pull the pants down? Never. I zero

00:49:09.369 --> 00:49:12.329
times ever pull my pants all the way down while

00:49:12.329 --> 00:49:15.710
standing. Halfway? Not even halfway. So you just

00:49:15.710 --> 00:49:19.750
go to the urinal? I go to the urinal. When I

00:49:19.750 --> 00:49:22.829
do go to the urinal, I keep my pants up. But

00:49:22.829 --> 00:49:26.190
also, when I go into the stall, I also keep my

00:49:26.190 --> 00:49:28.289
pants up. Wow, man. That defeats the purpose.

00:49:28.409 --> 00:49:33.340
So you don't ever feel worried? Worried about...

00:49:33.340 --> 00:49:34.960
About, like, what just happened to Donald. Oh,

00:49:34.960 --> 00:49:37.000
I forgot that that was your reasoning originally,

00:49:37.300 --> 00:49:40.219
way back when. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it only

00:49:40.219 --> 00:49:44.179
goes... I don't get two directions hardly ever.

00:49:44.480 --> 00:49:46.440
Besides when you just, like... Besides I just

00:49:46.440 --> 00:49:48.659
came. Yeah, I came and there's a... Apparently

00:49:48.659 --> 00:49:51.039
there's a little bit of dry cum on my dick. Then

00:49:51.039 --> 00:49:53.119
you get a little bit of pain. What is preventing

00:49:53.119 --> 00:49:55.400
me? What? No, go ahead. No, I was just... You

00:49:55.400 --> 00:50:00.099
say pain. Yeah. Like it hurts when you pee. Is

00:50:00.099 --> 00:50:01.480
that what you're getting at? For five seconds,

00:50:01.559 --> 00:50:03.800
and then it's gone. Five, and then it's gone.

00:50:03.920 --> 00:50:06.039
That's not bad. I guess the term is if you get

00:50:06.039 --> 00:50:08.519
too rough or something, then you get sore. Too

00:50:08.519 --> 00:50:10.539
rough with what? Yeah, if you just get too crazy.

00:50:11.099 --> 00:50:13.780
With the what? With what's going on. We were

00:50:13.780 --> 00:50:16.760
talking about after us, like the word sex, right?

00:50:17.920 --> 00:50:20.219
Yeah, no, no, no. I have this, too, where my

00:50:20.219 --> 00:50:22.880
shit hurts. Yeah, if you get too crazy, you're

00:50:22.880 --> 00:50:25.239
like, damn, I need to calm the fuck down a little

00:50:25.239 --> 00:50:29.570
bit. I don't know what it is, but I will say

00:50:29.570 --> 00:50:32.880
often after having sex. Next time I go to pee,

00:50:32.940 --> 00:50:36.239
it hurts a little bit. Right away. Is that what

00:50:36.239 --> 00:50:38.679
you're saying? Otherwise, I would not have said

00:50:38.679 --> 00:50:42.000
that. That's what I'm saying. We got to get this

00:50:42.000 --> 00:50:43.280
out of my system because I don't want to get

00:50:43.280 --> 00:50:47.079
a UTI or nothing. They say that, but now my trick

00:50:47.079 --> 00:50:49.039
for that is I try to wait as long as possible

00:50:49.039 --> 00:50:53.380
to piss. Because it doesn't hurt then later when

00:50:53.380 --> 00:50:56.559
I piss. That makes sense. I should wait. Here's

00:50:56.559 --> 00:50:59.099
how it can backfire though. The thing is that

00:50:59.789 --> 00:51:01.769
What he was talking about with the little bit

00:51:01.769 --> 00:51:05.530
at the end that dries up, that's worse later.

00:51:05.730 --> 00:51:08.530
So sometimes there's been a second delay where

00:51:08.530 --> 00:51:11.170
I start pissing and it's like... I guess it has

00:51:11.170 --> 00:51:12.829
to build up the pressure. The pressure to break

00:51:12.829 --> 00:51:15.170
it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which there's no way

00:51:15.170 --> 00:51:17.230
that that's good. I mean, I don't know why it'd

00:51:17.230 --> 00:51:23.489
be bad, but it can't be good. How about urinary

00:51:23.489 --> 00:51:26.590
medicicles? Okay. That is the term for that.

00:51:27.170 --> 00:51:29.150
We were talking before the podcast about how

00:51:29.150 --> 00:51:32.110
I had a kidney surgery. And I remember calling

00:51:32.110 --> 00:51:36.289
a nurse or like just the office because something

00:51:36.289 --> 00:51:38.369
looked not quite right. Something was a little

00:51:38.369 --> 00:51:41.210
different after. And like, it was probably just

00:51:41.210 --> 00:51:43.090
like slight swelling or something, but I don't

00:51:43.090 --> 00:51:46.090
know. So I call and I'm like, yeah, I don't know

00:51:46.090 --> 00:51:48.010
if I should cut. There's just something's different

00:51:48.010 --> 00:51:51.150
about my urethra. It's, it looks different. And

00:51:51.150 --> 00:51:53.869
she's like, your urethra. And I was like, yeah.

00:51:54.289 --> 00:51:57.630
And she's like, so like what? And I'm like, dude,

00:51:57.730 --> 00:51:59.710
this is the urologist. You should know, even

00:51:59.710 --> 00:52:01.550
if you're just like the front desk lady. And

00:52:01.550 --> 00:52:04.369
I'm like the hole on my penis. That's what I'm

00:52:04.369 --> 00:52:07.369
talking about. And she's like, Oh, the urinary

00:52:07.369 --> 00:52:10.730
meatus. And I was like, i guess i don't know

00:52:10.730 --> 00:52:13.210
and i was like i think it's the urethra and how

00:52:13.210 --> 00:52:14.809
y 'all feel you feel like that's the right term

00:52:14.809 --> 00:52:16.550
right i would think you're yeah apparently urethra

00:52:16.550 --> 00:52:19.900
is like the inside of your dick like the tube

00:52:19.900 --> 00:52:23.039
on the way there but i was just so i dude i was

00:52:23.039 --> 00:52:26.300
like why does that matter yeah you know what

00:52:26.300 --> 00:52:28.420
i'm trying to say yeah nobody knows the fucking

00:52:28.420 --> 00:52:31.599
technical terms i was already doing the most

00:52:31.599 --> 00:52:34.039
with urethra yeah i was like i was coming in

00:52:34.039 --> 00:52:35.980
i'm like i'm studied for this yeah i would have

00:52:35.980 --> 00:52:40.880
said p -hole yeah yeah wow whoa what you're trying

00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:42.900
to say it is really awkward in those offices

00:52:42.900 --> 00:52:46.730
choosing what term to use i'm like do i go like

00:52:46.730 --> 00:52:50.369
all scientific like penis or do i say my dick

00:52:50.369 --> 00:52:53.150
or do i i've thrown it i've kind of messed out

00:52:53.150 --> 00:52:54.750
with all of them what's that you did you you

00:52:54.750 --> 00:52:57.429
put dick i i well not writing but like when i'm

00:52:57.429 --> 00:53:00.090
talking to them in the office i'm like how do

00:53:00.090 --> 00:53:03.489
i say because like it's weird well i don't know

00:53:03.960 --> 00:53:06.579
Maybe it's not weird, but I've tried penis. I've

00:53:06.579 --> 00:53:08.539
tried dick. I don't know what's right. Because

00:53:08.539 --> 00:53:10.099
sometimes I feel like with penis, they think,

00:53:10.119 --> 00:53:13.159
oh, you're trying to do my job. What did you

00:53:13.159 --> 00:53:15.179
say? The dump truck would be like the snake.

00:53:15.460 --> 00:53:17.500
The snake or the what was the first? The dump

00:53:17.500 --> 00:53:21.519
truck. You call your penis dump truck. I call

00:53:21.519 --> 00:53:26.920
it old football. The old chain. The old anaconda.

00:53:28.259 --> 00:53:30.639
Okay, I get Anaconda, and I get... Yeah, Snake

00:53:30.639 --> 00:53:33.159
is fine. Yeah. Every other one is good. Well,

00:53:33.159 --> 00:53:35.059
what are some others? What I do is, like, you

00:53:35.059 --> 00:53:36.539
know how a mafia person will tell you they're

00:53:36.539 --> 00:53:37.780
trying to kill you, but they'll be like, hey,

00:53:37.800 --> 00:53:39.139
man, you keep messing around, I'm going to put

00:53:39.139 --> 00:53:40.539
you in the old shelter or something. Like, I

00:53:40.539 --> 00:53:42.780
do it like that with my junk. Yeah, man, you

00:53:42.780 --> 00:53:45.519
know, the old... And the old vehicle's about

00:53:45.519 --> 00:53:47.820
to come out. Uh -huh, the old Ford Taurus. You

00:53:47.820 --> 00:53:50.679
know what I mean? The old Mustang GT, the scat

00:53:50.679 --> 00:53:55.179
pack. Uh -huh. I like that. The old microphone.

00:53:56.159 --> 00:53:58.000
I'd hate to know where the scat pack has been.

00:53:59.139 --> 00:54:01.940
Stuff like that, just to make it less awkward.

00:54:02.199 --> 00:54:05.480
I'm sure. That makes it less awkward. I think

00:54:05.480 --> 00:54:06.300
so, because I just come out like, yeah, man.

00:54:07.820 --> 00:54:11.230
She'd be like. Excuse me? I'd be like, you know

00:54:11.230 --> 00:54:15.869
what I mean. Ford Taurus, that's a new one. I

00:54:15.869 --> 00:54:21.050
guess I said that, not you. Oh, man. Don't ever

00:54:21.050 --> 00:54:24.210
change. Dump truck, I've never heard. That's

00:54:24.210 --> 00:54:27.829
like an ass. That's definitely an ass. The dump

00:54:27.829 --> 00:54:30.750
truck, that's for your butt. We'll change it

00:54:30.750 --> 00:54:33.110
for that. But you might have been talking about

00:54:33.110 --> 00:54:35.809
your dump truck. Nah, that's rare. We try to

00:54:35.809 --> 00:54:40.340
keep it out of conversations. Well, once you

00:54:40.340 --> 00:54:42.659
have to go to the proctologist, it'll come up.

00:54:42.820 --> 00:54:44.940
I don't want to go to the proctologist. I mean,

00:54:44.960 --> 00:54:48.019
nobody wants to. I mean, maybe. Yeah, no one.

00:54:48.179 --> 00:54:50.579
Yeah. When do you start going? Other than your

00:54:50.579 --> 00:54:54.980
vicarious friend. He's like, well. My J -Dubs.

00:54:55.219 --> 00:55:01.059
Yeah, yeah. J -Dubs loves that trip. Just shout

00:55:01.059 --> 00:55:03.360
out J -Dubs. We was at Millbrook last night.

00:55:03.460 --> 00:55:06.239
That motherfucker's a wild boy. J -Dub says the

00:55:06.239 --> 00:55:09.980
wild. These are old Christian white people, and

00:55:09.980 --> 00:55:12.840
he's saying the most wild shit. Oh, man. First

00:55:12.840 --> 00:55:15.639
time I got banged by a drag queen. And this is

00:55:15.639 --> 00:55:17.699
in his set? No, no. This is outside. I was like,

00:55:17.739 --> 00:55:19.179
I've never seen that in set. This is standing

00:55:19.179 --> 00:55:22.619
around after. This is outside. Oh, wow. So worse,

00:55:22.659 --> 00:55:24.619
if it was in his set, you could be like. He's

00:55:24.619 --> 00:55:27.079
being over the top. He's being crazy. Yeah, yeah.

00:55:27.079 --> 00:55:31.300
He's just like. Yeah. Fuck that shit. Ten Inch

00:55:31.300 --> 00:55:33.300
is huge, man. Yeah, that's insane. That's too

00:55:33.300 --> 00:55:35.460
much, right? How big is a fucking horse's yoke?

00:55:36.099 --> 00:55:38.260
Bigger than that. I think bigger than that. Far

00:55:38.260 --> 00:55:41.500
bigger. Isn't it like two feet? Two feet? I mean,

00:55:41.519 --> 00:55:43.320
I've seen them. I don't know about two feet.

00:55:43.460 --> 00:55:47.699
Yeah, at least. Damn. I don't know. I'd have

00:55:47.699 --> 00:55:49.000
to do it side by side. You want me to find out?

00:55:49.019 --> 00:55:51.500
Let's see how big is a horse's dump truck. How

00:55:51.500 --> 00:55:55.159
big is a horse's caboose? Not caboose, though.

00:55:55.179 --> 00:55:57.159
That doesn't work. You know, it is how big a

00:55:57.159 --> 00:55:59.599
horse is. He just keeps his own ass things. Horse

00:55:59.599 --> 00:56:03.820
genital size. Genital? What do you call the thing

00:56:03.820 --> 00:56:05.599
on the front of a car? Like that little, people

00:56:05.599 --> 00:56:09.179
steal it off of a Rolls Royce? What do you call

00:56:09.179 --> 00:56:14.019
that? Dude? 10 to 14 inches. I was right. Relaxed.

00:56:14.099 --> 00:56:17.900
Oh, relaxed. Shit, okay. Relaxed is a funny way

00:56:17.900 --> 00:56:19.099
to put it. We need to see unrelaxed. Yeah, why

00:56:19.099 --> 00:56:20.820
wouldn't they tell us to fuck it? Let's see.

00:56:20.920 --> 00:56:23.480
I'll just say erect. Wait, but it increases by

00:56:23.480 --> 00:56:26.659
three to four times. Three to four times? No

00:56:26.659 --> 00:56:30.699
way, dude. That's what it says. When erect. Jesus

00:56:30.699 --> 00:56:33.320
Christ. You know, there's more. I think that

00:56:33.320 --> 00:56:35.480
maybe they're not fully erect until they're inside

00:56:35.480 --> 00:56:40.420
of a pussy. Or like a horse's pussy. That's why

00:56:40.420 --> 00:56:42.940
that person died on that video. Y 'all ever seen

00:56:42.940 --> 00:56:45.699
that? Seen what? Where that dude got trapped

00:56:45.699 --> 00:56:51.980
in a barn and died from it. Yeah. What are you

00:56:51.980 --> 00:56:54.519
saying? You got trapped in a barn and died from

00:56:54.519 --> 00:56:56.309
what? From getting fucked by the horse. Yeah,

00:56:56.309 --> 00:56:57.769
fucked by the horse. Like, the horse jumped back

00:56:57.769 --> 00:56:59.849
there, and then they're like, oh, shit, or that's

00:56:59.849 --> 00:57:01.190
what they wanted. I don't know what their little

00:57:01.190 --> 00:57:03.130
adventure was. Yeah, well, if you're in there

00:57:03.130 --> 00:57:07.230
with your pants off, I'm... Didn't they make

00:57:07.230 --> 00:57:10.170
a documentary about that? He's like, no, I pulled

00:57:10.170 --> 00:57:12.809
off my pants to try to choke the horse out, and

00:57:12.809 --> 00:57:15.010
it didn't work, and he got the best of me. I

00:57:15.010 --> 00:57:17.030
mean, what can I say? No, I think there's, like,

00:57:17.070 --> 00:57:19.170
two famous... One is Mr. Hands, which Alex said

00:57:19.170 --> 00:57:24.380
earlier, where he, like... I mean, he was meeting

00:57:24.380 --> 00:57:26.559
with a group. I think this one was Mr. Handy.

00:57:26.599 --> 00:57:28.400
He was meeting with a group for that. People

00:57:28.400 --> 00:57:30.320
who are into bestiality and shit. I think it

00:57:30.320 --> 00:57:33.199
was in Seattle or something. Literally, it takes

00:57:33.199 --> 00:57:36.019
a team of people to help you get fucked by a

00:57:36.019 --> 00:57:39.300
horse. Really? Yeah, and they use a hoist on

00:57:39.300 --> 00:57:42.860
the horse. It's a whole fucking... What? It's

00:57:42.860 --> 00:57:45.480
horrible. It's like fucking OSHA gets involved.

00:57:47.980 --> 00:57:49.800
Two men live. This is going to be a confined

00:57:49.800 --> 00:57:58.690
space entry. If a man wants to get fucked by

00:57:58.690 --> 00:58:00.750
his horse on his property, he should be allowed

00:58:00.750 --> 00:58:04.769
to. But yeah, I think it literally just fucked

00:58:04.769 --> 00:58:07.710
him to death. It just fucked up his internal

00:58:07.710 --> 00:58:08.929
organs. If you're fucking a whore, it's time

00:58:08.929 --> 00:58:17.199
to go. Your asshole is here. 14 times 4 is...

00:58:17.199 --> 00:58:21.780
18. Oh, wait, hold on. I thought you said plus.

00:58:21.860 --> 00:58:25.980
I thought you said plus. I'm tripping. I thought

00:58:25.980 --> 00:58:29.360
you said plus. Okay, plus for the minute. Plus

00:58:29.360 --> 00:58:32.760
for the minute. We misheard you there. We misheard

00:58:32.760 --> 00:58:37.420
you. We misheard you. Well, even 18, but whatever

00:58:37.420 --> 00:58:40.300
the fuck. I mean, I don't know why I cannot figure

00:58:40.300 --> 00:58:44.579
out the math on it, but 56? Yeah. I think I hit

00:58:44.579 --> 00:58:47.900
it. I think I hit it there. I don't know. But

00:58:47.900 --> 00:58:51.039
anyways, measure from your asshole up 56 inches,

00:58:51.139 --> 00:58:54.420
you're out of your fucking head. Well, your intestines

00:58:54.420 --> 00:58:58.960
are very long. Yeah, but it's not snake. It doesn't

00:58:58.960 --> 00:59:02.880
go straight to you. It does. No, it does. I mean,

00:59:02.920 --> 00:59:04.840
you're not wrong. It does go. I mean, it does

00:59:04.840 --> 00:59:09.010
follow the pipe, you know, but you're not. A

00:59:09.010 --> 00:59:10.829
horse's dick is not making it through the small

00:59:10.829 --> 00:59:13.110
intestine. So it's probably going to rip it,

00:59:13.150 --> 00:59:15.130
right? That's exactly what I'm assuming happens,

00:59:15.349 --> 00:59:19.650
yeah. Oh, I was so right. I said 56. I think,

00:59:19.670 --> 00:59:21.929
when did you say it? Was it after you? No, no.

00:59:21.949 --> 00:59:26.150
It was before. Dude, I started counting. It was

00:59:26.150 --> 00:59:30.190
just right now. I started counting before we

00:59:30.190 --> 00:59:33.530
even came in here. I was like, 28 plus 28 is

00:59:33.530 --> 00:59:36.340
56. That is a good way to figure it out. That

00:59:36.340 --> 00:59:37.780
is a good way to figure it out. These donations

00:59:37.780 --> 00:59:40.179
at my job have been helping me. Dude, I'm a good

00:59:40.179 --> 00:59:43.179
ass. Donations? Yeah, because they'll be rounded

00:59:43.179 --> 00:59:46.820
up to $15. Oh, at Publix. I'm like, shit, man.

00:59:47.139 --> 00:59:49.039
Before we leave, can you take us through what

00:59:49.039 --> 00:59:51.199
you do now? Because remember last time how you

00:59:51.199 --> 00:59:53.659
did your math to... Oh, well. Okay, so I'm going

00:59:53.659 --> 00:59:56.360
to give you a number. All right? I give you $15.

00:59:56.760 --> 01:00:04.260
The total was $14 .25. You said $14 .25? Hey.

01:00:04.860 --> 01:00:07.820
Add a dollar and the change. Okay, so you said

01:00:07.820 --> 01:00:12.380
$14 .25. Okay, so let's see. Put a $15. So you

01:00:12.380 --> 01:00:13.619
want me to go up to, wait, so you want me to

01:00:13.619 --> 01:00:16.199
go up to a total of $16? Because you said add

01:00:16.199 --> 01:00:17.780
an extra dollar. I keep the change plus a dollar.

01:00:18.179 --> 01:00:20.519
Plus a dollar. So you said, how much is it again?

01:00:20.539 --> 01:00:24.099
So you give me $15, and it's $14 .20 what? $25.

01:00:24.679 --> 01:00:29.940
Okay, so $100 minus $25. Take away $5, so now

01:00:29.940 --> 01:00:33.940
we're at $75. So a total of $0 .75, right? That's

01:00:33.940 --> 01:00:36.980
how much I got. That is correct. I mean, yeah.

01:00:37.199 --> 01:00:41.960
Not with the dollar. But also, I would say that

01:00:41.960 --> 01:00:43.440
didn't make sense, though. What do you mean?

01:00:43.980 --> 01:00:47.500
Because you told me $15, and it's $14 .25, so

01:00:47.500 --> 01:00:52.840
it's $0 .75. That's how much is left over. But

01:00:52.840 --> 01:00:54.260
I don't get what you're... So you're telling

01:00:54.260 --> 01:00:56.300
the cashier... Are you telling the cashier to

01:00:56.300 --> 01:00:59.360
hang on to one? And you can keep that dollar.

01:00:59.500 --> 01:01:02.719
They're like, well, the total... Like, I can't

01:01:02.719 --> 01:01:09.539
keep it. That's how much it costs. I realize

01:01:09.539 --> 01:01:11.739
I fucked up halfway through, but I'm just seeing

01:01:11.739 --> 01:01:16.389
if he can... You were literally just holding

01:01:16.389 --> 01:01:17.909
out for like, well, Brandon will fuck up harder

01:01:17.909 --> 01:01:23.190
and nobody will know that I fucked up. Oh, man.

01:01:23.429 --> 01:01:27.250
I did expect 75 to be a little snappier, though.

01:01:27.289 --> 01:01:30.670
I won't lie. That's a big one. 25, 50, 70. That's

01:01:30.670 --> 01:01:33.829
the quarter right there. All right. Yeah. All

01:01:33.829 --> 01:01:38.650
right. Total's $87. All right. Wow, man. I know

01:01:38.650 --> 01:01:40.110
this is going to be more harder. No, no, no.

01:01:40.130 --> 01:01:44.260
Total's $87. The total's $87. I give you $100,

01:01:44.360 --> 01:01:48.920
and I want you to donate $2. Okay, good, good.

01:01:49.500 --> 01:01:52.480
That works out. So you said the total is $87.

01:01:52.820 --> 01:01:57.739
Mm -hmm. All right, let's see. 10, 1, 2, 3, 4.

01:01:58.039 --> 01:02:00.079
No, 1, 2, 3. All right, so you said you want

01:02:00.079 --> 01:02:06.110
me to donate $2. Mm -hmm. Man, man. Okay. So,

01:02:06.170 --> 01:02:12.309
okay. So 87. So then 10. Okay. So there's $13

01:02:12.309 --> 01:02:16.170
left over. So take away to 11. So, okay. So I

01:02:16.170 --> 01:02:19.590
give you back $11. Well, no, it's $11 plus the

01:02:19.590 --> 01:02:22.190
two. So it's like all together would be 13. I

01:02:22.190 --> 01:02:25.530
take away two for that. So it's like 11. You

01:02:25.530 --> 01:02:27.170
get what I'm saying? Because, okay. Yeah, thank

01:02:27.170 --> 01:02:29.829
you. We got to make sure that we all knew this.

01:02:31.010 --> 01:02:32.989
You just double -checked your work. That's fine.

01:02:33.030 --> 01:02:36.090
Yeah, that's what I do. That's what I do. We

01:02:36.090 --> 01:02:39.630
got it. We got this. I told you, man. Hey, you've

01:02:39.630 --> 01:02:41.570
been on it. Yes, I have. You've been on it. Yes,

01:02:41.570 --> 01:02:45.429
I have. You really did pass it and then hit a

01:02:45.429 --> 01:02:48.010
U -turn. Yes, I did. Now it was that one. 10

01:02:48.010 --> 01:02:52.530
-3. So get back here. 10, 3, 13, take a week

01:02:52.530 --> 01:02:55.130
through. We got $11. Retrace your steps. That's

01:02:55.130 --> 01:02:57.269
going, yeah. So you're getting 11 bucks back.

01:02:57.369 --> 01:03:00.050
Yeah. BSGR. Hell yeah. That's spot on. That's

01:03:00.050 --> 01:03:03.090
spot on. Yeah, man. We'll need a math class when

01:03:03.090 --> 01:03:06.730
you got this. Yeah. For real, dude. Yeah. School

01:03:06.730 --> 01:03:09.610
of the streets. Public streets. School of the

01:03:09.610 --> 01:03:12.170
aisles. That dinosaur alligator. Who knows? A

01:03:12.170 --> 01:03:13.949
lot of those public workers have weird voices.

01:03:14.550 --> 01:03:16.670
Yeah, they do. Interesting. I ran into a weird

01:03:16.670 --> 01:03:18.989
voice at Ace Hardware today. I was... Busy getting

01:03:18.989 --> 01:03:24.030
some stuff for a fountain. No big deal. But his

01:03:24.030 --> 01:03:28.429
voice was like, I almost felt like it was some

01:03:28.429 --> 01:03:32.349
different. Dude, I had two run -ins with cashiers

01:03:32.349 --> 01:03:35.230
today. I'll start with the less exciting one.

01:03:35.309 --> 01:03:37.929
It was the guy at Ace. I wanted to return something.

01:03:38.230 --> 01:03:40.909
First of all, I walked out and immediately went.

01:03:41.719 --> 01:03:43.420
this isn't gonna work I'm building a fountain

01:03:43.420 --> 01:03:45.980
here okay I'm gonna stop with that I was like

01:03:45.980 --> 01:03:48.280
I got something I was like wait this won't work

01:03:48.280 --> 01:03:50.300
so I immediately turn around and go back and

01:03:50.300 --> 01:03:53.039
I just I don't they got the maze line you know

01:03:53.039 --> 01:03:56.460
and I just walked in like from the end of it

01:03:56.460 --> 01:03:58.699
like you know I skipped all the shit and he was

01:03:58.699 --> 01:04:01.980
like you have to go around and I was like that

01:04:01.980 --> 01:04:03.900
came off a little too down syndrome that's not

01:04:03.900 --> 01:04:06.179
what it was I was thinking death Yeah, me too.

01:04:06.340 --> 01:04:10.420
Whatever you thought it was. I don't know. I'm

01:04:10.420 --> 01:04:14.239
being a nice person somehow, I swear. He says

01:04:14.239 --> 01:04:18.800
go around and so that annoyed me. That's really

01:04:18.800 --> 01:04:21.360
it. But then I go up there again because then

01:04:21.360 --> 01:04:23.280
I have to purchase the right thing and I couldn't

01:04:23.280 --> 01:04:25.039
fucking understand this guy at all. But then

01:04:25.039 --> 01:04:27.280
I felt like he had a different version of that

01:04:27.280 --> 01:04:30.199
RFK shit because his voice was going on and off.

01:04:30.460 --> 01:04:34.079
Yeah, it was literally cutting in and out. And

01:04:34.079 --> 01:04:35.599
see, when you got that stuff. I had to adjust

01:04:35.599 --> 01:04:39.280
his antenna. You should just work manual labor.

01:04:39.380 --> 01:04:40.780
There's no reason for you to be talking to people,

01:04:40.820 --> 01:04:42.800
trying to get, you know, service. The cashier

01:04:42.800 --> 01:04:45.420
I bought the first stuff with before I returned

01:04:45.420 --> 01:04:48.719
was like, I got to go load this stuff. And I

01:04:48.719 --> 01:04:51.000
walked back in and he saw me and still went to

01:04:51.000 --> 01:04:53.780
load the shit. When clearly other guys should

01:04:53.780 --> 01:04:55.559
be loading. He should have been on the cash register.

01:04:55.679 --> 01:04:57.139
And he would have gotten it right away because

01:04:57.139 --> 01:04:59.179
he knew what I bought. But that's not the one

01:04:59.179 --> 01:05:01.269
I'm upset about anyways. We're going to. We're

01:05:01.269 --> 01:05:02.590
going to keep digging into this, by the way.

01:05:02.730 --> 01:05:07.170
I hope we have a lot of time. So I go to Circle

01:05:07.170 --> 01:05:11.289
K on the way here. And, you know, now at the

01:05:11.289 --> 01:05:13.909
Circle K's, they have that tray that you just,

01:05:13.909 --> 01:05:16.349
like, set down your stuff. And it just knows

01:05:16.349 --> 01:05:18.710
what it is. It checks you out. Not always right,

01:05:18.750 --> 01:05:20.630
though. You check that shit. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

01:05:20.829 --> 01:05:23.710
I've gotten it positive, too, where I got away

01:05:23.710 --> 01:05:25.429
with something. It was one of the, like, hot

01:05:25.429 --> 01:05:27.929
food things. And I thought it was something else.

01:05:28.110 --> 01:05:33.460
But anyways, I'm getting... uh dr pepper uh a

01:05:33.460 --> 01:05:35.980
sleeve of peanuts and and i need a blunt wrap

01:05:35.980 --> 01:05:39.380
from behind the counter so i walk up to the counter

01:05:39.380 --> 01:05:41.960
and first of all this lady has the register set

01:05:41.960 --> 01:05:44.179
up where the screen like if you go to her there's

01:05:44.179 --> 01:05:47.079
a screen like turned around at you in between

01:05:47.079 --> 01:05:49.300
so you can't even like make like you can't even

01:05:49.300 --> 01:05:52.360
look at this lady in the eyes and uh but i stand

01:05:52.360 --> 01:05:54.179
there and i kind of go like around the screen

01:05:54.179 --> 01:05:57.079
to around the screen to like see her and uh she's

01:05:57.079 --> 01:06:00.090
like looking at me and uh She's just looking

01:06:00.090 --> 01:06:03.250
and she's like, you don't know what, what is

01:06:03.250 --> 01:06:05.550
the, do you not know how to use the thing? Yes,

01:06:05.550 --> 01:06:08.090
swear to God. Swear to God. And I went, I was

01:06:08.090 --> 01:06:11.070
just like, no, I need to. I need something from

01:06:11.070 --> 01:06:13.809
behind the counter. And I'm like, I don't know.

01:06:13.909 --> 01:06:16.170
It immediately infuriated me. I almost got pissed

01:06:16.170 --> 01:06:18.409
off. Dude, I was so pissed right away. She's

01:06:18.409 --> 01:06:19.409
like, you don't know how to use it. I'm like,

01:06:19.489 --> 01:06:22.389
the thing that does your job? No, I know how

01:06:22.389 --> 01:06:24.449
to use it. Everybody knows how to do your job.

01:06:24.550 --> 01:06:27.289
I'm sorry, but there's nothing complicated about

01:06:27.289 --> 01:06:29.730
this. Just do it. That's all you have to do is

01:06:29.730 --> 01:06:30.170
do it. Especially when you've got the things

01:06:30.170 --> 01:06:32.010
that does everything else. You just have to go

01:06:32.010 --> 01:06:33.510
fucking grab it. This is the one thing you have

01:06:33.510 --> 01:06:36.110
to do. And then, of course, I go, can I just

01:06:36.110 --> 01:06:38.070
get the green white owls? She goes back there.

01:06:39.139 --> 01:06:41.519
just waddling back there took forever and she

01:06:41.519 --> 01:06:44.119
looks down and she's like we don't have the green

01:06:44.119 --> 01:06:47.519
ones so I move over to the side away from the

01:06:47.519 --> 01:06:50.059
screen and I look and I'm like the green ones

01:06:50.059 --> 01:06:53.360
up a row all the way to the right so even even

01:06:53.360 --> 01:06:56.099
her one part she couldn't fucking do and it just

01:06:56.099 --> 01:06:58.139
yeah I brought out the old conservative in me

01:06:58.139 --> 01:07:00.820
it's like dude we gotta these people need to

01:07:00.820 --> 01:07:04.719
work I'll say it again service industry is in

01:07:04.719 --> 01:07:07.940
shambles it is yeah it is All right, y 'all.

01:07:07.980 --> 01:07:09.559
I appreciate you coming on, man. Yeah, I'm glad

01:07:09.559 --> 01:07:12.900
I got to get that off my chest. What's the one?

01:07:12.900 --> 01:07:15.179
It's the one over here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:15.340 --> 01:07:21.940
Off of Madison. Dirty White? No, no. Oh, I should

01:07:21.940 --> 01:07:24.500
have started with that. Older, big black lady.

01:07:24.980 --> 01:07:26.800
DMV vibe. I know who you're talking about. Oh,

01:07:26.800 --> 01:07:29.739
you know her? Oh, my God. Hey, don't play with

01:07:29.739 --> 01:07:32.599
me with that shit. Grab it. Because they don't

01:07:32.599 --> 01:07:34.360
have anything else to do, and sometimes they

01:07:34.360 --> 01:07:37.050
get too laxed. You know what I'm saying? Oh,

01:07:37.110 --> 01:07:39.909
yeah. No, she was fully chilling. No, fucking

01:07:39.909 --> 01:07:41.769
people come to the gas stations for a lot of

01:07:41.769 --> 01:07:44.429
shit you got behind you. Exactly, dude. She was

01:07:44.429 --> 01:07:46.789
100 % chilling. And I'm like, okay, I'm sorry.

01:07:46.889 --> 01:07:49.130
You're going to have to not chill for, could

01:07:49.130 --> 01:07:52.349
have been 20 seconds. But then it turned into

01:07:52.349 --> 01:07:55.090
five minutes because she's a lazy bitch. Anyways.

01:07:57.150 --> 01:07:58.289
Conversation ain't going to hurt nobody. Some

01:07:58.289 --> 01:08:00.849
people lonely. They need that. Yeah, I could

01:08:00.849 --> 01:08:02.449
have helped this lady out. I could have made

01:08:02.449 --> 01:08:03.889
her feel better. You could have helped somebody

01:08:03.889 --> 01:08:06.530
out. Somebody that's lonely at home, they got

01:08:06.530 --> 01:08:07.829
nothing else, they want to talk to somebody at

01:08:07.829 --> 01:08:09.829
the gas station, let them have it. Uh -huh, yeah.

01:08:09.969 --> 01:08:12.610
All I wanted to do was compliment her on her

01:08:12.610 --> 01:08:16.729
body. No, not that. No, I'm just talking about

01:08:16.729 --> 01:08:20.449
life. It's always good to talk. Brandon, don't

01:08:20.449 --> 01:08:22.189
go to the gas station and try to talk to these

01:08:22.189 --> 01:08:23.430
people. No, I'm not trying to talk to nobody.

01:08:23.729 --> 01:08:27.880
It's not me. I'm talking about I'm good. This

01:08:27.880 --> 01:08:30.000
is lonely people out there. Last resort, man.

01:08:30.239 --> 01:08:32.659
Dude, but you must run into that at Publix all

01:08:32.659 --> 01:08:35.380
the time. At Publix was the worst job for, like,

01:08:35.399 --> 01:08:37.739
lonely people just talking to me. Yeah, I'd be

01:08:37.739 --> 01:08:39.020
up there. Because you guys have to be nice, right?

01:08:39.100 --> 01:08:41.039
Yeah, you're supposed to be nice, and I was on

01:08:41.039 --> 01:08:43.079
the floor in produce, and, like, it was just

01:08:43.079 --> 01:08:45.840
any... They're normally old, and they're just,

01:08:45.899 --> 01:08:48.060
like, they just... It starts with a question

01:08:48.060 --> 01:08:50.909
about, like... when we get rutabagas or some

01:08:50.909 --> 01:08:52.670
fucking shit and the next thing you know they're

01:08:52.670 --> 01:08:53.869
talking about how like their daughter doesn't

01:08:53.869 --> 01:08:57.270
talk to them i'm like a therapist yeah what's

01:08:57.270 --> 01:08:59.829
that i'm like a therapist you'd be a great therapist

01:08:59.829 --> 01:09:02.149
yeah advice i'm like damn man i'm sorry your

01:09:02.149 --> 01:09:50.060
dog died bro it's okay now that'll be 785 I hate

01:09:50.060 --> 01:09:50.760
Scrappy Doo.