This week on Clown College. Like Willis versus
the Supreme Court. Or Willis versus the United
States. United States versus B. Willis. The people
versus Brandon Willis. You're going against the
people, bro. The children versus Brandon Willis.
Oh, no. No, thank you. You're fighting the good
fight. This is free speech. It's your own pictures.
Should you be able to sell pictures of yourself
when you were younger? No. Hello, Brandon. Hey,
how you doing? Doing great, man. All right. How's
your day, Brandon? Hey, man, I woke up this morning.
That's all that matters. That's all that matters.
Dude, you're already talking like an EMS. Yeah,
dude. That is how they fucking talk. I just need
my cigarette break every five seconds. Oh, hey.
Don't talk about them. Nobody does that. I'm
just joking. First of all. Nobody says that.
That was just a joke. You ever hit your vape
in an ambulance? No. You ever blow the smoke
directly into a patient's face? Never, man. Never.
During CPR? That's how you lose your job. They
have anything much air they can get. Inhale it
and then blow it directly into their mouth. You
will be out. Just like that. What's the worst
thing you've seen someone do to somebody else?
They can't talk about it. Yeah, that's a hippopotamus.
I thought you were talking about just in general.
I meant in life. Oh, in life? Yeah. I like this.
I had an instructor. That was, like, my MMA coach.
He told me he beat some dude up and knocked him
out. And then, like, assert dominance or something,
he peed on him. Oh, yeah, you've mentioned that.
I guess that's pretty rough. To assert dominance.
Yeah, he was like, yeah, man, I did that. Because
he was like, imagine being like that. But what
is something that you've seen? Oh, that I've
seen. That you've personally seen somebody do
to somebody else? I guess my first year and,
like, maybe. I guess this is pretty bad. I guess
we'll just throw one out there. There's a lot
of stuff that's crazy. But, like, one thing I
remember, I was, like, six years old, and I was,
like, at this, uh, I was trying to buy some candy
in the snack shack and get, like, some, uh, Sour
Patch Kids. And this was, like, my first day
there, and I heard, like, Glass Break. And this
kid was, like, this dude, he was, like, in middle
school. So he was, like, tall as hell, man. He
was big. It's like Dom's side. And he was coming
around. He was like, oh, shit. Oh, he was crying.
Everybody was surrounding him. It was like, I
was bleeding out. And they were trying to get
him in the nurse's office to calm him down. What
happened to his eye? Oh, well, it must have happened
because, like, remember, he got frowned. So the
cafeteria, when they were fighting. We're not
there. So when they were fighting, there was
a cafeteria. There was a glass wall. And they
threw him through the glass wall. So maybe he
cut his eye with some of the glass. Did you say
that before? No. Oh, okay. He said, you know...
He told him backwards. It's all good. Was he
fighting the Incredible Hulk? I don't know who
the fuck he was fighting. Then another scene
where, like, the nerd, the PE coach, trying to
hold his kid's head in while he was crying because
he, like, busted his head open on the trampoline.
And I was going to art class, and I was just
watching. This isn't at all what I meant. You
talking about that little one? Yeah, and he,
like, jumped in. He, like, boom, cracked it wide
open. This isn't at all what I meant. And they
were, like, holding his head in. She was like,
it's okay, baby. He was just screaming and stuff.
I'm like, I'm trying to go to art class. And
then there was blood all over the floor. You
were making great EMT. Yeah, man, that was in,
like, second grade. Mm -hmm. And they came back
with, like, these staples and stuff. We were
like, oh, shit, look at you. We got shit split
open. Oh, wide open. She was holding it in. They
call him Frankenstein? I called him Frankenstein.
You were bullying him, Brandon? No, we were friends.
I was the one getting bullied at that time. I
was young and didn't know stuff, and people thought
I was slow. Yeah, so usually when somebody bullies
you, you bully somebody else. No, man, I didn't
bully him. I didn't bully nobody, man. I didn't
believe in that. You said you called him Frankenstein.
Well, because we all joked around, man. Like,
we all joked around. If I came with Staples,
you guys would be like Frankenstein. I would
say Chucky. I would go Chucky. Look at that.
See? You already got ideas. So that's just friends
being friends. What's the worst thing you've
ever seen, Don, that you can talk about? Ah,
damn. I don't know, man. The worst thing I've
ever seen. I don't know why I asked. This is
horrible. This is the worst thing. I thought
Brandon was going to say gay marriage. Oh, no.
I don't know. You guys go. When I saw that homeless
guy kill that other guy. That was terrible. That
was a pretty shitty thing to do. That's a good
one. I don't know why I asked this. This is a
good topic. Yeah, it is. I don't know. I've not
seen anything bad. I've seen people die, but
I don't think it's the worst thing. Yeah, it's
not the worst. You know what I mean? It wasn't
the worst thing when I see him because he had
dropped dead, drank too many Red Bulls, and tried
to run. Oh, my God. That's actually crazy. Was
it you? Was it you watching your show? Dude,
that's why I will never drink a Red Bull before
I work out, even though I will take pre -workout,
which I know is 10 times worse. I drank a Red
Bull before I work out today. Well, he drunk
like three, like the big boys, and then went
running in 140 degree heat. Boop. Well, yeah,
that's the dumbest. All you saw was dust come
up, and he was eventually became dust. Probably
by now he's definitely dust. You're saying he
was in Afghanistan when he did it? So he got
fucked up on three Red Bulls. Afghani Red Bulls.
And then ran in the fucking desert and died?
Yeah. I don't even. I don't believe. That's what
I'm saying. It's not like the worst. I mean,
I've seen worse. I can't say them because they
are people that I know. And, you know. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Statue of Libertation. That's not,
though. You'll have to go back home eventually.
Yeah, I will. Really soon. Yeah, yeah. I'll see
them, so I can't. You know, sometimes people
get kicked down the stairs. True. Significant
others. True. If you love somebody. All I cut
is you saying we'll cut this part out. I mean,
dude, I've seen one time we were at basketball,
like playing basketball, and it's like there
was a fight that broke out. And we were all like
kids, right? We were all like 10. And then he
had a sister that was like 18. And she got mad
because they started fighting and wild out and
then drove on the grass and tried to run us all
over with her car. Oh, my God. Oh, you have talked
about that. That's actually hilarious. I know,
but it's just retarded every time I think about
it. Yeah. And then the people outside didn't
say nothing until we almost got hit. And they
said, I'm going to call the cops. I'm like, you
could have done that before. Yeah. He's a good
dude, though. I love it. He was a good dude.
He was. Yeah, he's a good guy. Hey, Brandon,
nice shirt, man. Thanks, man. I lost some weight.
Mm, I see. You look like you had to have surgery
to lose that much weight. Oh, man, yeah, man.
Yeah, I used to have a different name, too, back
in the day. What was it? Pat. Damn, Pat, you
look skinny, man. Thanks, man. Yeah, man, you
know, holding them down. Mm -hmm. Holding who
down? Told you I was on X -Men. Throwing them
superheroes down. Oh, my gosh, dude. Oh, my Lord.
I've seen two of the funniest tweets I've seen
in my life recently. I don't know why. I never
remember tweets, but I remember these two. One
was of Chris Brown dancing on, like, his newest
tour. He's doing, like, a crazy corkscrew and,
like, a backflip. Yeah. A bunch of athletic shit,
and somebody just retweeted it and said, Rihanna
never stood a chance. He's doing fucking backflips.
He's on, like, his anniversary tour, so, yeah.
Anniversary, huh? Like 20 years of being Chris
Brown. No, not since he whooped Rihanna's ass.
That would be a crazy tour. That would be a crazy
tour. To promote it. That's not illegal, too.
That's horrible. It's not illegal. It's not illegal
at all. In fact, I want to do it now just because
it's legal. Oh, man. I mean, you got to think.
First of all, what is she, Panamanian or some
shit like that? Trinidad and Tobago. She's spicy.
She was beating his ass. I'm going to tell you
that now. She was 17. Huh? She was 17. He was
17. He was 19. Huh? He was 19. Dude, but think
about if she headbutted you. Oh, man. Your life's
going to be over, man. You're going to be a whole
different man. Yeah. You're going to be challenged.
I let her headbutt me. Nationality. I bet some
people are into that. There's definitely somebody
who wants to get hit. Now, you're telling me
she wasn't fucking him up? Maybe a little bit.
It was scratches all over, I'm telling you. But,
you know, he did do wrong. I'm not saying he
didn't do wrong, but... What? I'm saying you
don't know the whole story. Oh, okay. I see.
Yeah, dude. I don't think I need to, to be honest.
Yeah, I'm not saying he was wrong, because you're
not supposed to, you know, you can't hit women.
Was this a big deal when it happened? Oh, God,
yes. Oh, my God. I didn't know if we were past
that point already. Oh, we're past it now. Like,
I'm saying, like, if a star at the level of Chris
Brown, it came out that he was, like, hitting
his wife, that'd be, like, a really big deal.
Exactly. But it was back then, too. It's been
15 years. Really? And people are just now. They
just referenced it on Saturday Night Live. He
just sold out a world tour. Yeah. Well, he's
still popular. I mean, R. Kelly was selling out
world tours. They had the VHS tape going around
of him peeing on an underage girl. Pull it up.
Did he know? Did he know what? That she was underage.
Come on. Man, he asked. I was just asking. They
asked him. They were like, do you like teenagers?
He's 50 years old. He's like. When you say teenagers.
How old do you mean? Yeah, how old do you mean?
You've seen that, right? No. What? Oh, my God.
Look up R. Kelly teenager interview. Oh, it's
the best. Oh, I can't believe you've never seen
this. No, I've never seen that. Have you seen
the one where he's denying hog tying them? No.
Oh, my God. I've only ever seen where he's crying
and talking to Gail Keane. Yes, that's the one.
Hog tie? I don't know how to hog tie. Okay, I
do think I've seen that. Okay, yeah, press balls.
That's R. Kelly? No. You're so racist. Why is
this Facebook video shit popping up? That's so
weird. Oh, and this didn't work. That's so weird.
Are you ready? Yeah. Yeah. See? This is what
it did to me on Bryson's Sci -Fi Show. Hey, turn
on in the corner. Hold up, yo. No. So we go all
here. Yeah, but in the corner of the video. No,
he did that. He did that. This is what I was
doing on Bryson's Sci -Fi Show. No, in the volume
in the corner of the video. Oh, right. Yeah.
I know. He just did that. No, he didn't. Yes,
he did. Yeah, I did. Oh, okay. I'm telling you.
Watch. It's going to go right back to... See?
Okay. That's what it was doing on the Bryson's
Sci -Fi Show. Let me back up and just pull up
a YouTube. Oh, there we go. When you say teenage,
how old are we talking? Girls who are teenagers.
19? 19 and younger. I have some 19 -year -old
friends, but I don't like anybody illegal if
that's what we're talking about, the age. How
old was he in that video? It looks 50. Yo, why'd
the interviewer look like Jay went a little bit?
They did. Like, dude. Not R. Kelly, the interviewer.
Oh my God, dude. They got the interviewer. His
name is Tore. Hell yeah. You like him? Tore?
I don't know anything about Tore, man. He looks
like Jalen, though. You got to get a bit of a
doubt. I do. Then yes, man. Shout out Jalen.
Shout out Jalen Brown, my guy. Jalen should do
one of those predator catching YouTube channels,
but he just talks to them and makes them feel
bad. Yeah. He's like, man, what are you doing?
Dude, those dudes are going crazy. They start
beating up slow people. They're beating up slow
people, bro. I'm worried for our friends. We
bet not. Who would it be? Not you, Dante. What?
Imagine Jake. Jake would never. Oh, yeah, Jake
would fucking. I would be hurt if I found out
one of my coworkers. Okay, that's the worst thing.
In the Army, he was the S6 guy who were the computer
guys, right? Whole FBI showed up to the fucking
brigade and took him out. Like, fucking five
black vehicles. I was like, this motherfucker
kill somebody? But he had, like, so much child
porn. Oh, man. And he was distributing it out,
like, on the dark web and, like, getting a lot
of money from it. And he was just a regular guy.
I mean, he was just a nice guy. Like, he's who
you wanted to come fix your computer. Like Ian?
Yes! Dude. Maybe not. No, no. No, because he
wasn't funny. He was pure nice. You know that
kind of person? Yeah. It'd be like Brandon. If
you heard Brandon, I did that. You'd be hurt.
You'd be like, dude, I fucking love Conrad or
whatever. Brandon would go to jail for child
porn of him. No. Okay, Brandon. That's the sequel
to the Dan Price. Lucky, unlucky guy. You want
to see this? That's me. Oh my gosh. Oh my God.
It would be horrible. Brett, dude, it would be
like Willis versus the Supreme Court. Or Willis
versus the United States. The United States versus
B. Willis. The people versus Brandon Willis documentary.
You're going against the people, bro. The children
versus Brandon Willis. Oh, no. No, thank you.
You're fighting the good fight. This is free
speech. It's your own pictures. Yeah. Should
you be able to sell pictures of yourself when
you were younger? No. I'm just saying, as the
law states, what should you be able to do? That's
a very interesting question. This is wild. Could
you sell your own? Could I sell my own? I don't.
What do you think the law should state? I think
whatever the law wants to do right now, I think
the law should just do what they want to do.
No, I'm saying, okay, so the law be you can't
sell your own pictures of yourself? Yeah, I think
that's the one. Yeah, I don't think we should
be able to do that. Yeah, well, that's good.
That's what you think. Yeah, I know. Yeah, man.
That's crazy. Because that's horrible. Because
that's horrible. That's crazy because there are
going to be some people who hear that and go,
it's a valid argument. It has bones to it. Especially
the people buying it because why do they want
to see that? Because they're, what are they called?
Pedophiles. See, that's not good. Yeah. So instead
of acting on their urges, they just look at you
when you're a boy, even though you're a man now.
That's what I was going to say. What if it helped
them not offend? I don't think that's going to
help. Brandon, you could help like 100 ,000 people
not be pedophiles if you just gave them pictures
of yourself when you were younger. That's not
helping. And you wouldn't do that. You wouldn't
save all these children. 100 ,000 children. That's
not helping. them because they're going to see
that and be like, ooh, I want to see more. And
then just go venture out. And then they'll look
up more. Yeah. And you just keep on sending them.
I know you have plenty of Polaroids. You just
got to source them from your immediate family.
But then they're going to get tired of it. It's
going to be like when somebody watches you, like,
no, I'm pointing, but I want to see more and
venture out. That's not, no, that's not good
enough. Well, then we get them. Well, then, so
then we... Cap them. If the law is this, where
we allow them this much, we give them no more.
And then it's straight firing squad. I don't
trust it. You don't trust it? Nah, man, because
I feel like, nah, then they're going to start
being like, oh, I need to. That's like somebody
that gets like a. Let me think right here. What's
this? Alcohol, man. Well, this is water. But
let's say somebody gets some alcohol or something,
and they be like, oh, man, I want to try different
voyages and different stuff. Oh, what if you're
a gateway? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's
like a gateway drug, man. To that bad other field
of horrible stuff. I mean, it's bad either way.
It's all bad. So you're saying you wouldn't give
your pictures up to save 100 ,000 children? That's
not going to save them, man. I'm just saying,
would you though? Hypothetically, if it did.
If you had to save the world? No, if it did what
we're saying. Save the world. So let me ask everybody
in the room, would y 'all do that? Would y 'all
do that if it was going to save? Yes, I would.
Then I would too. It's going to save the world.
But I'm not going to be like, hey, man. I got
pictures of me and my tighty -whities. They were
chasing me with the camera. I was fat, Brandon.
I had inverted nipples. Now they're always hard.
Was was an interesting choice of words. I wonder
if mine are inverted. Should we check it out?
No. Brandon, would you tell the world out there
if my nipples are inverted or not? I mean, dude,
we all would. We'd have no choice. We'd exclaim
it. Involuntarily. If you were like, hey, man.
Would you consent to it? To seeing my breasts?
I mean, yeah, man. There's 100 ,000 children.
That's the new thing. There's 100 ,000 kids.
Dude, my picture, dude. Mine is bad because I
got one of my family walking in. It's me with
a newspaper, like a catalog from 2005. And they
walk in, I'm like, like that. You want to tell
it? Yeah, and it's like. That was evidence in
his case. A hundred percent. That was exhibit
seven. Did you ever have to go in a room and
talk to people? Well, I mean, no. It's just about
like my... In class where they make me be like,
can you draw on a straight line? But that was
it. What were they wearing? The people that asked
you? The people that asked you to do that? Do
you remember? This is special ed. Well, no. I
know. I know. But, like, I was wondering if this
was, like, a separate people. No, you were drawing
a straight line. Oh, no, just some old chick,
some lady, like... What was it, like a pink t
-shirt? Oh, yeah. Not, like, all black and, like,
sunglasses. Oh, like the Matrix? Yeah. Okay.
Well, they want to wear... To kids, they wear
softening things. Yeah. Like the Oracle. Maybe
you were drawing lines to where they... Oh, my
God. You always pointed into the direction of
the national treasure. It's like, what's that
thing, connect the dots? One of those things
with a human figure. Connect it to where it happened.
They didn't do that to you, though. Thankfully,
I never lived for that. Thankfully. That's good.
Or bad. It could be. I don't know. Just means
nobody got to. No, they were just like, can you
draw? I don't remember. They were like, can you
just draw your name? It's not floating on this
thing. Do you know where you have a straight
line on the line paper? Yeah. And they're like,
can you make it where it's not? Oh, when it's
on the bottom. See, that's some bullshit. And
nobody cares about penmanship anymore. Like,
they think people are retarded because they can't.
And it's like, dude, like, how about you focus
on... Actual things. Yeah, and they might have
been right in some instances. It's correlation,
not comedy. Like, if so what, I can't tie my
shoes. Like, right? Was that you? No. That was
me. I was wearing Velcro until 6th grade. When's
the last, how would you say? Huh? Can you repeat
that last sentence? I guess I was wearing Velcro
until like 6th grade, man. And everybody was
like, buckle up! And I was like, fuck that, man.
They said Velcro? Yeah, they're like, fasten
your seatbelt. So I was like, fuck that, man.
Let me go get some Nikes. I went and got some
Nikes. They make Velcro Nikes? No, no. We got
some. Did you know how to tie your shoes when
you got a Nike? I wasn't the best. Could you
double knot? Yeah, now. No, but like, it's sixth
grade when you stop wearing Velcro shoes. So
sixth grade, you stop wearing Velcro shoes. Could
you tie your shoes in sixth grade? Oh, yeah.
I was like, we got to get this. Once that moment
happened, I was like. You tied them yourself
or somebody else? I tied them myself. Every time?
Yep. From the first time you put them on? Yep,
in sixth grade, yeah. That's a big answer. But
what about after? Before then. Yeah. You talking
about like in fifth grade, fourth grade? Yeah.
No, I was just wearing Velcros. Yeah. Like I
wouldn't even do it. I do tie them weird. Like,
I don't do... What do you do? Y 'all do, like,
some fancy step after you... I don't know. Loop
around a rabbit and shit? Yeah, whatever the
fuck that is. I don't know what the fuck y 'all
are doing. What do you do? Double knot? Double
loop? I just make one loop, make another loop,
and then tie them into a knot. Yeah, I could
not do that. Yeah, I can't do that. I don't know
what the fuck. The loop around the thing, and
then the... I'm like, what the fuck? The bunny
goes through the hole. See, I'm too... There's
a point in my brain. I think I'm just too stupid
or I smoke too much weed, but I can't. comprehend
the past. Really? Yeah. Dude, let's get a shoe,
man. I can tie my shoe. Wait, before you do that,
put your foot in the camera and let them see
how good you did it right there. Me looking at
your foot right there, man, you have tied it
greatly. Okay, let's show the camera. What the
fuck? It's so much easier than what I would have
done. I guess if that's what you want to do.
Okay. That's brilliant. This is how I would tie
my shoe. And I have bad fine motor skills. I've
always said that. I've always said that. You
take this, goes over here. Yeah. Then it goes
up and under. Sure. Make one loop. I mistake
which way sometimes. And then you just take this,
wrap it around, and then through that. 100%.
That's the way to tie shit. That's some Cthulhu
-ass shit. Now will you pass the shoe to Alex
and show us how you do it? I agree with you,
Alex. That's some Eldritch magic. I don't do
it like that. You don't do it like that either?
Oops, fuck. Damn. Oh, what if I just started
with the two revenues? No, I do that. Okay. Okay,
so you do do the under X. And then I just do
that. See, that looks more complicated. Yeah,
I think that's... Really? And you don't get it
as tight as you want. Well, okay, so I get it
as tight as I want. How would I do that? So how
would I get it tight? Oh, right there. That's
where you get it tight. That's the first tight,
and then I hold it there. Wow. So maybe it is
more complicated what I do. It is stupider. Huh.
But it's the Chinese way. I don't know. You mind
if I try? Yeah. I'll show you guys. Take a stab
at it. This is the most... We are truly special
needs class, dude. Okay, let me move this out
the way. Make sure you do it in front of... Right
there. That's perfect. This is crazy. So, look,
I get right here. I go there. Then I get up here.
Oh, you're doing it the way we do. Then I do
that, and then I go... You just do a double knot.
Yeah, but you do it the way me and JJ are saying.
I told you, man. I started learning in sixth
grade. I was like, fuck, man. But before sixth,
so you learned how to tie your shoes when you
were 11 years old. Yeah, because I was like,
dude, I had. That's most people. Once the class
got together and said buckle up and shit, and
I was in the lunchroom, I couldn't even eat my
food, man. I was like, fuck that. So a lot of
your. A lot of these pushes have been like being
made fun of, have pushed you. And it works. It
did work. It fucking worked. It's the wrestling.
Made me stronger. Made me stronger, man. Now
there's a line. You ready? Are you going to be
able to catch it? Yeah. He pumped me like five
times. That's hilarious. Yeah, but bullying is
good. Yeah. It helps you out. So Brandon's on
board. He makes you and breaks you. Mm -hmm.
You can't let it break you. No, you can't. You
can't let them do that. They push you in the
bushes, man. You get back up. Hey, what do you
do after they slam you off the monkey bars? You
get back up and do it again. Yeah? Well, if you
could do it over. Oh, if I could do it over?
Well, I mean, I wouldn't change anything in my
life. But, I mean, if I could do it. If it happened
now. You got to get up and start. You got to
swing at him. This is how they monkey bar. But
after that, would you get back on the monkey
bars? I would put him on the monkey bars. That's
what I'd do. Slam him on the monkey bars. Even
though he was mentally challenged. I guess we
were both in the same class. We were in the same
class. Yeah, no, you guys are fair game. So,
yeah, it's fair game right there, man. It's fair
game right there. Who's time to fuck out, man?
Shit. Hell yeah. We're going to slam the hell
out of that dude. Yeah. Shit. And the papers,
I'm getting away. What? Because we're both in
the same class, so it can't be like, oh, man,
you beat this special guy, but we're in the same
class. Oh, yeah. No, you're 100 % good. So I'm
good. I don't know about you. That's why they
can't tell you can't say certain words. I'm good,
man. What about me? Were you in special ed? What
are you saying? Were you in special ed? No, man.
See, so you're good. So you, everybody be like,
damn, bro, you're going to hurt that special
ed dude. I was not in special ed, dude. And if
anything, I think with modern science, we know
you guys would have the advantage. Sure. Oh,
Lord. That guy just pulled a stop sign out of
the ground with one hand. I would have spun around,
slung him into the monkey bar, man. Well, not
today, but back then, no. I would have went back
on there because I didn't know. How old were
you in that time? Six years old. Wait, no, hold
on. It was 2010. I was in first grade, I think.
Six or seven. First grade. So I was, let's see.
So let's see. One, two. So let's see when Iron
Man 2 came out. That was 2011. That was 2011.
Because I remember the bootleg man came in there
and I got it from his trunk. Oh, 2010. My bad.
So 2010. Just the joke. May 7th. So yeah, I was
recently six years old. He was six years old.
That's when he was slamming you. And then it
took you four more years after that to learn
to tie your shoes. Yes. Five. No, actually, yeah.
So sixth grade. He had to double his lifespan.
Yeah. It's a good movie, though. Yeah. Ivan Venka.
The Mandarin. Wait, that's three. You guys seen
Newcastle in America? Now, is it good? Very good.
It's like Donald Trump. You know what? See, this
is why those fucking reviews are bullshit. Because
everybody's been saying, everybody who's your
complexion has been saying it's bad. Every black
person I've talked to has said it's good. Now,
I don't have Disney Plus anymore, so I'll wait
until somebody... What's it called? Brave New
World? Yep. BNW? Birth of a New Nation? Black,
not white. Let me just do normal Harrison Ford.
Does Harrison Ford play Donald Trump? That is
like Donald Trump. And Donald Trump turns into
the Hulk? Yes, because then he gets crazy. What
if he turned into the Hulk? An orange Hulk? But
what if he still acted like how he would? Dude,
he gets so crazy. They're like, dude, you can't
be in office. And they pull him out and put him
in jail. And he always has to take an anxiety
pill because he's like, oh, shit. Because of
turning to the Hulk, right? He's like, dude,
I'm getting my shit. And everybody's like, hey,
man, calm down, bro. Take these pills. And then
the dude sabotages. Here's the four great sci
-fi actors. So yeah, now he becomes a Hulk. And
they're like, man, this dude's too wild. Why
is he red? Why is he red? Well, uh. Republicans.
You seen Incredible Hulk with the one in 2003
or 2004? The one with Ed Norton? Yeah. I think
so. Yeah, that's the one that explains why he
became the Red Hulk. Well, I know the Hulk is
green because of the gamma rays, but I don't
know. Yeah. I got to rewatch that because it's
a spinoff from the one from like the early 2000s.
Same universe. Yeah. Pin. Ain't that right, Brandon?
What happened? Pin particles is why he's red.
Pin particles. What is Pym Particles? The Ant
-Man thing. Oh, then there you go, man. See?
Yeah. He watched it. We're the only ones that
haven't watched it. That's why I asked. Did you
watch the Five Rings thing? No, I tuned out of
Marvel. Like in Ultron. Bro. I kind of stopped
in Ultron. Really? Ultron was when you stopped?
Yeah. You missed out. I know. But Endgame was
a button on it, dude. Never watched it. Endgame?
I can't believe you watched this one. It's worth
every fucking second. Dude, it's a CGI movie.
You don't have to have an attention span to watch
it. It is crazy. When they film it, they're in
a blue room with nothing. And they have to pretend.
It's insane. They'll make how the things look
out of shapes with blue shit over it. It'll be
a guy holding a sphere. And that's Old Frod or
whatever. They didn't know who they were fighting.
Because they didn't know any of the plot. Yeah.
They didn't know, like, so when Spider -Man's
fighting Thanos, he has no idea who he's fighting.
Really? Yeah. They did it like Manhattan Project
style because they didn't want anyone to leak.
They had a fucking lock on that shit, dude. It
worked out, but damn, that seems like it'd be
fucking hard as hell for the actor. Wow. So that's
how they were running. Can you imagine Pat? Oh,
man. He's Thanos. Like, I don't know. Purple
and blue. We're filming it. We're filming it.
Shooting through space. I want to see what his
fucking outfit would be. Imagine Pat after the
Thanos snap. He's like, yeah, man, my whole family
died. Oh, my gosh, bro. He's like, I was talking
to this girl. Turn to dust. Ain't it crazy that
you just snapped right now? Everyone I know turned
to dust. Everybody back in Mobile died. The whole
city. Somehow everybody Pat knows died. There
was no 50 -50. He has to start from scratch.
But it's just the people Pat knew. Damn, man.
Oh, my God. I've never heard. Every time. It's
not one time he's ever talked to us. And this
is years. And that he hasn't said someone has
died. In one setting, talking to him. I don't
care if you see him three times in a week. He's
the spirit of death. He's like Christopher Walken
from Click. He's the angel of death. Remember,
he did that with the jacking off. Remember that?
Did he say someone died on there? Yeah, he did.
And then they were like, damn, man. Because you
remember they did that joke. I forgot what the
board thing was. Comedy competition, jacking
off comedy. Oh, Jesus Christ. I should have clarified
that better. I should have clarified that better.
I'm just talking about jacking. So Jack Thriller's
jacking off. Shout out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they
do an open mic down there. And our boys had a
rough time, but it was some great moments in
there. I would suggest go watch it. Oh, yeah.
In fact, one of them might be instead of Scrappy
-Doo at the end, I might put M -Dots. Oh, dude,
it was the best thing ever. So he's walking up.
At first, he's walking up cool as shit, right?
So he's walking up to the stage, cool as shit.
And I don't know when he grabbed that microphone,
the spirit took a hold of him. Because he said,
what's up, what's up? What's up? It was wild.
I loved it. How hyped that he got for that. It's
my favorite thing. It's like the ultimate war.
Yeah, and he kicked it off. A lot of things happened
in between there. Ended off with Pat. And Pat,
I thought, did the best. Yeah, he did really
good. And they roasted the shit out of Pat, though.
And it was great. It was great. They told him
he didn't want to be here no more. They're right.
He doesn't give a fuck about his life. Yeah.
He said, I don't think I'm going to die because
God don't want me to die. I've been shot at.
Damn. There's not a day that goes by when I don't
think about when Syfy said the tongues of his
shoes look like riot shields. I think about that
every day. Damn, man. That's so funny, dude.
Love you, Pat, man. Hell yeah, shout out. Love
Pat, dude. But having a conversation with Pat
is like, have you ever just had an off day? Oh,
yeah. It just feels like that. It's just like
something here isn't clicking in the way that
it normally does. Every time I talk to Pat, I'm
like, are we having a conversation? It's not
a conversation, but we're just kind of talking
at each other. Yeah. It's a strange vortex, you
know? Oh, yeah. Pat doesn't listen once he stops
talking. Yeah. Pat could be sitting right here.
And we could be talking about Pat, like to his
face, like, you know, you're a piece of shit,
you know, blah, blah, blah. And just trying to
make him laugh. And then he'll just be like,
man, that new 50 Cent, dog. He's trying to come
out with new music, bud. He doesn't register
what you're saying to him. I think you should
stick to the drama. It's just when he's talking,
he'll look at you. But then as soon as you start
talking, he's on Facebook. So he never really
hears what you're saying. I love it, though.
So he's probably just trying to guess. Would
you want him to hear what you're saying? Like,
you know what I mean? I don't know. I don't think
so. Dude, and sometimes he'll be, like, talking,
and you'll be like, oh, man, you're getting it.
Oh, I ain't talking to you, though, man. I'm
like, who you talking to? He got me so many times.
Because you can't see the AirPods. It's like
when somebody waves at you. And it's like, no,
but he has no AirPods. It's like when somebody
waves at you. No, he does. It's just like when
you wear a wedding ring and then your hand gets
fatter. Did you see that, dude? It was going
viral with the pinky finger. Look up the pinky
finger ring. It was inside of his body. Yeah,
it was inside. Like, cut it off. You got to cut
off the pinky now. I don't like this. Oh, it's
nasty, too. Yeah. What if it was like one of
those aura rings? You're going to get a call
for this. Symbiote or something. Or android,
that's what I was thinking of. The aura ring?
Fucking safe search. What the fuck are you talking
about, aura ring? It's the ring that, it's like
600 bucks, but it monitors all your vitality.
It's like Apple. Wow, don't do that, dude. First
of all, you're asking for trouble. What if you
absorbed it, dude? Huh? What if you absorbed
that? Holy shit. You would be like a robot. You
talking about like that? Yeah, something like
that. It was blacker than that, though. Oh, man,
that's bad. That's an Indian. I can see them
hands. That's bad, bro. You got to get that.
You got to get the welder to get that off. Well,
that one you still probably can salvage the finger.
I hate. I was looking at one. It was like their
skin had grown over it. Oh, dude. Not the top,
but the back. Dude, I'm going to search that
up. Ring, ring, where skin grew over. Why you
have me on this one? Yeah, dude. I hate you.
We love you, man. There we go. Let's see that
one. Oh, this right here? Jesus. I hate this
kind of shit. Yeah, he needs to. I mean, he's
lucky that hasn't got gangrene yet. It looks
pretty fucked up. Yeah, it is crazy how resilient
the human body is. And how fragile. Look at that.
Look at that, dude. This is like when you see
a flower growing in a pothole. It's like Dragon
Ball Z Fusion right there, man. Yeah? It's not.
How does it get to this point? It's sad. This
is bad. It is, Alex. Yeah, man. It's morphing
time. Yeah. And that's something different, too.
But, you know, it's all the same realm. They're
morphing or something. Look at that pinky there.
This one's worse. Look, is the ring inside of
him? Well, I don't. Let's ask Jeff Greenspan.
He's an expert of rings inside of people. Shout
out Jeff Greenspan. That motherfucker's hilarious.
I love that fucking joke. He knows what's inside.
I love you, Brad. Yeah, that looks fucking terrible.
That's sad. He fully absorbs it. He's like, what?
That's terrible, man. That's a nightmare. At
what point do you like, hey, maybe I should take
this off? It's a human Kirby. What does that
say on the side? Can you say it, Alex? Class
of 85. I don't know. There's a kinky nail on
the back. Yeah. And that's a class ring. That
dude. Peaked in high school, dude. I knew nothing
after that. He can't remember from the time he
put that on to now. Oh, that looks fucking terrible.
Yeah, I don't like this, man. I was vibing with
it at first. I don't like it either. I don't
like it either. That's trash. Have you heard
of vibe coding? What? I feel like JJ is probably
the only one. Vibe coding? It's where you forget
about... No one had a code and just let the AI
do it. Hmm? Vibe coding. Yeah. Oh. What do you
mean? No, I'm not good at this. It's just with
all the hip, rich coders who can afford AIs are
doing now. They're just not doing their job.
Just letting the AI do it. Yeah. Yeah, I see
that. We should start Vibe. comedy -ing stand
-up -ing let AI vibe -gooning vibe -gooning dude
chat GPT let's not do that find me the porn that
will make me come the quickest what porn makes
you come the quickest Brandon me if you watched
porn yeah if you did like hypothetical oh back
then uh I remember, like, what was it? Early
2010s, like, near, like, what, 2015, 2016? Sure.
I mean, you were, like, six. Yeah, what was that
era? Why the fuck were you watching porn when
you were six years old? Six years old? I know.
Shout out to Tito's. Well, that's because everybody
else is doing it. But, uh... Man, let me think,
man. I guess when you would see it, the boobs.
Just boobs. Yeah, that was nice. Big titties,
small. Yeah, that's most straight forward. Oh,
my God. I don't like boobs. And then when they
be, like, wrestling around, that was nice. Wrestling
around? Yeah, they wrestle each other. Like when
the ladies wrestle and then the fucks will lose
her? Yeah. Or they just start going at each other.
Yeah, I've seen this. They film this at, like,
a child karate school. Or the match will get
so good, they start going at each other. The
what? So you just watched it like the UFC and
jerking off. No, not the UFC. Ronda Rousey? No.
They've been, you know, AI has been trying to
do stuff for her. That's crazy. What are they
trying to do? I guess it's weird because I'll
be looking like, I'll just scroll through Instagram
and be like, what if this was Ronda Rousey? This
is like AI with her. Big titties? Yeah, I don't
like it. It's wild. You don't like it, huh? No,
I don't. It's weird. It's like when you click
on something, more stuff like that. Which one
of our friends like it? Do you see, like, at
the corner? Oh, my. You know. What are you talking
about? You guys know who out of the comedy scene
in Huntsville is liking and following the girls
on Instagram. Johnny Blanco. You guys know. Oh,
Jake. Oh, man. It's either Jake or Scott. Well,
Jake is always a weird one. Yeah. It's always
bad. He keeps sending me videos of this Jewish
influencer, and she has really big... With the
glasses? Yeah, she's cool. She's funny. She's
a little, uh, too... Jewish girl, big tits. She's
very proud of her ethnicity. No, I'm kidding.
No, she's one of those, like, she's, like, going
hard in the paint pro -Israel against, like,
the pro -Hammaz people. She's, like, in Turning
Point USA. Yeah, that's a good... That's really
fucking funny. That's really fucking funny. What
is she called? Search Jewish American princess.
Just search Jap, actually. That's what they call
themselves. Japs? That's like a term in Jewish
America. Jap. I feel like they could think of
a different one. No, but they all look like her.
That's not her. That's an Asian. What the fuck?
Wait, now look. That's a jab. Like, look, I'm
just going on a limb. That's a real jab. Does
she kind of look like this? Because this is who
he talks about. Like, he'll be like, it's her.
That's a four -star, though, correct? Maybe,
yes. She does have an OnlyFans. Dude, do they
have Jewish four -stars? Absolutely. Dude, I
just saw a crazy unhinged Instagram post that
I probably shouldn't talk about. But it had to
do with Jews and pornography. Apparently, like,
all the major producers. They're trying to say
that. Yeah, I can't even go. Say it, dude. It's
so fucking racist. Well, let's hear it. They're
basically just... It's not you saying it, it's
them. Well, I have to tell it to you. But it's
basically like they're saying that Jews are behind
the entire porn industry. I mean, let's look
it up. You guys want me to find out? What do
you mean purposefully? That's where I was like,
what do you mean purposefully? But that was the
vibe of the post. I'm just watching good stuff
like Nick Fuentes and that kind of thing. Good
Americans. And just people getting hurt. Yeah,
yeah. Yeah, like falling off a bicycle, going
like 60 feet in the air. I don't know, man. Instagram's
crazy. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm right there with you,
man. They show you some crazy stuff. I saw, like,
a dude was, like, holding an accordion, a Spider
-Man, and he was swinging, and he, like... I
have seen that. That's funny, dude. I thought
that that guy was Hispanic for the longest time,
but now I think it's in Eastern Europe. It's
a guy with an accordion. And he's dressed up
as Spider -Man for a kid's birthday party. And
he's pretending to walk down the wall. And then,
like, the rope slips. And he flies out and slams
back into the side of the house. And, like, he's
knocked out. And his arms go like this. And the
accordion just goes. That was so funny. You can
see it. Let's see it. I want to see it so bad.
Is it a Spider -Man accordion? Eastern Europeans
fucking continue. And this might be another Adam
Silver situation where I'm just completely off
the mark. No, no, you're probably right. The
Balkans are fucking backwards. All right, there
we go. Two seconds. Right here? Yeah. Yeah, this
might be it. Oh, my God. You're trying to say
it. Yeah, because the sound makes it funny. Is
he still going? Yes, he is. He might be seizing
up. Oh, my. Yeah, any way you play an accordion,
it sounds like a song. Oh, man. That's good.
Oh, my God. That's incredible. I love Spider
-Man. JJ, you wanted to do something today, right?
Oh, I did. I did. I wanted to play Family Feud.
All right, let's do it. No real reason behind
it. Man, let's play it. Yeah. Y 'all ready? Yeah.
Yeah, the sound's going to be loud. Yeah. We'll
just turn it down on TV. Okay. Awesome. We're
going to get Danica. Danica. Name something that
is carried in a tanker truck. What the fuck is
a tanker truck? Gas. Gasoline. Gasoline. Semen.
Semen. Well, we'll put that next. Gas. 59. We
got 59. What's next? What's next? How are we
going to take it? Don't we take it now? Semen.
Oh. You want me to put semen? No. Okay, what
are you going to put? Water. Water? And sewage,
too. All right, so water. That's 12. Cement.
He says sewage? Cement. Cement. All right. No,
it started with a C. Okay. There it is. Oh, my
God. It suggested cement. Oh, there it is right
there. Yeah, yeah. That's wrong. He got that
wrong. Sewage. Sewage. Swag. Damn, they already
guessed it. Water. Water? Did we say water? Yeah,
water. Oh, we already said water. Okay. Fuck.
We only have two seconds. Tires? No. Milk? Oh,
you did have milk. But in a, I wouldn't guess.
What the fuck was that? Hey, milk's cool. Fuck,
we're winning. We're winning. We're winning.
Let's go. Hell yeah. Fuck you, Danica. All right,
double points. So name a kind of dog you'd be
surprised to see a chihuahua pick up. Definitely
a pit bull. Say it. Say it. I don't know. Name
a dog you'd be surprised to see a chihuahua pick
a fight with. Yeah, pit bull. Pit bull. We got
to read it our whole way so we can. You're right.
You're right. Pit bull. That's 42. German shepherd.
Human. German shepherd. Yep. 14. Rockwaller.
Yeah. Rockwaller. How do you spell that? R -O
-T -T. Oh, R -O -T -T? Yeah, I think. T -T, Wyler,
W? I think it's just E -I -L -E -R. I don't know.
I didn't win this. You know what? Fuck it. We'll
just say it. There it is. There we go. Rock Wyler.
St. Bernard. St. Bernard. There it is. St. Beethoven.
What else? Come on, give me something. Why are
you doing this? Boxer. Shih Tzu. St. Batard.
Fuck. I mean, okay. St. Batard was out there.
Doverman, great day. Who won that? Why was St.
Bernard on there? We got to be winning that.
This bitch. Oh, she's beating us. Oh, dude. We
got to win in this final round. Come on, Brandon.
You got to read it. Make sure you read it off
somebody. Karen S. All right, let's get it. Let's
get it. All right. Name something a woman hopes
doesn't break right before going out on a big
date. Water. Water? Okay. We'll put condom next.
Well, why would it go before? Should we put condom?
No. No? Because that's not before the date. Damn
it. Before the date. Wallet. Her car. Car. Yeah,
car. Car. Number one. Wallet. Ooh. What the fuck?
Heel. Wind. Wind. Yeah. Come on, come on, come
on. Brace. Jewelry. Jewelry. J -E -W. We'll go
next. Watch. You don't want that breaking. Phone.
You are on the ball right now. Not the phone.
We got number one though. I don't know what the
fuck the rest of those are. Let's find out. Here's
our bra. Oh, fingernail. Did she get that? I
wasn't thinking of the bra. She definitely beat
us. Oh, my God. Fast money round. Fast money.
God. Oh, hell no. The straining order. We got
to watch that. Well, fuck it. You know, we dedicated
people. Let's talk about life while we wait for
this. Lego sets. The gift that always clicks
to creative explorers. You're throwing me a lot,
man. You're throwing me a... You gotta go take
a piss. This is a good time to do it, man. We're
on commercial break. Sometimes it takes a different
approach to see the possibilities. What's the
purpose of life, man? What's the purpose of life?
At Capella University, you can earn a degree
on your own. I guess to wake up and do it again.
I mean, yeah. Name an animal that is easy to
emanate into. Monkey. You know, yeah, monkey.
I know what I would do. Kangaroo. Oh, kangaroo?
Dude. Wait, no, no, no. It's a different question.
It's a different question. Name a sport that...
Basketball. Basketball. You just need a ball.
I can't see the question. Name something you'd
hate to have to jump out of. A plane. A plane.
Nope. Name a device used for cutting. Knife.
No, knife. You're right. You're right. Oh, scissors.
Probably better. We got it. All right. Name something
you might find on a mini golf course. Ooh, a
ball. A windmill. Golf ball. Golf ball. Oh, windmill,
windmill. Windmill. Windmill, windmill. Hold
on. Golf. All right, let's see. I think we might
have won, dude. I don't know. 35. 35 first, baby.
Basketball, please, dude. I'm about to get to
my 24. We got all number ones. Plane. First.
We got all number one answers. Knife. Oh. Windmill.
No way. Windmill. Golf ball! We got it. All right,
did we win? We had to fucking beat her ass. Yeah,
fuck you. What's her name, Candace? I guess we
were done. We won. We the chosen ones, man. We
special. Hell yeah. Well. Well, we did that.
Hell yeah, we did that. We did that. We fucked
that up. Yes, we did, man. That was fun. Hell
yeah. I'm glad that you guys indulged me on that
one. That was great. I'll look for different
games for y 'all to play. What, Hangman next?
I mean, if y 'all want to. You really want to
play Hangman real quick? You like Hangman? Let's
play some Hangman. Why don't you just do it real
quick? When's the Zog getting here? 9 .15. Oh,
okay. I got it timed out. He knows 9 .05. It's
about 905. Yeah, we got four minutes. Yeah, four
minutes. Four minutes. Put him up there. I know
you guys didn't see what he just did. What did
I just do? When he grabbed a pop figure to move
it out, he, like, moved it out, brought it back,
and then walked it. I did. Dude, that was so
fucking funny. I know, man. Dude. Brandon, I
love that that's your spirit in life, dude. It's
just fucking. Like, you pick up a toy, you got
to play with it, dude. Yeah. That's so fucking
funny. I love playing with toys, man. Action
figures. I didn't like that one. I ain't. We're
not talking about those toys. You ain't ever
try to play with those? With what? Sex toys?
Yeah. Yeah, just that football. Oh. Just the
sex football. But, like, vibrators and such.
No. No? I mean, no. Why not? Nothing wrong with
it. You're talking about, what, for me? Well,
I mean, in your... Not just for you. Have you
ever wheeled it? I mean, yeah, I mean. I mean,
we have to use it, sure, but it's more competition
than me, man. It can help you out. Yeah, the
John Henry joke that he has. It can, but it's
also like, I'm like, why the fuck am I this robot
trying to come in here and take my shit? But
you can use it with yourself, so you can be like
an android. Oh, so like both. Yeah, of course
both. I mean, yeah. Yeah, but then again, I don't
know. I still think about it. I'd be like, man,
this robot. Trying to take shit over, man. What
if you were fucking the robot? If I was fucking
the robot, what? Like that majestic creature
pocket pussy thing that I've been talking about?
Yes. Hey. The majestic... Guys. The majestic
creature thing he was talking about. You mean
the thing that sells at the mall at Parkway Place
and Spencer's? Yeah. Yeah, it's like $23. I just
see Brandon behind the glass, like, looking.
Like, it'll shoot your eye out, kid. Like, you
know what I mean? Adventurous, man. That knock
on some wood there, you know. Was that your penis?
No. Wouldn't that be crazy if it was? That means
it's powerful. We could bang up against this
thing. Yeah. Oh, you can do a funny bit. You
can make the desk rise. Oh, man, dude. Have you
had a standing desk? It is. Oh, okay. I've never
seen it in stand mode. Dude, that is true. It
does that button. I make it rise. I'll be like,
there we go. Bring it down. It just brings it
down. It does, though. It is. Oh, shit, there
it is. Hold on. Wait, it'll do it right now.
Yeah. Okay, hold on. Please fall apart. All right.
See ya. Say sea creature pocket pussy. Sea creature
pocket pussy. Isn't that crazy? Look what you
did. Now let's bring it back down. Bring it back
down a little bit. All right. Lois with big tits.
All right. Gay porn. Oh, man, it's going down
all the way. Miss Incredible. I feel like that's
higher than it is. No, do it. That's as low as
it can go. Mr. Incredible nude. I hope you can't
see any of this in the camera. You just hear
the noise. You can't for sure, but it must be
hilarious. All right, boys. Hell yeah. Good shoot.
Have a good one. Good shit, Brandon Hate Scrappy
-Doo.