WEBVTT

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This week on Clown College. You felt old when

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you were 10? Oh, man, dude, yes. Is that the

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oldest you ever felt? No, I feel, the oldest

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I feel right now, honestly, man, I feel like

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I've aged 30 damn years already. Yeah. I'm like,

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damn. He's right. He's right. He's 100 % right.

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I remember the other day, I was like. Welcome

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to Clown College. We have profound knowledge.

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In many ways, the elevator makes you sound polished.

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So if you want to hear a little honest, a few

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takes on ways to make it as a comic, then stick

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around for a while. If you're down to clown,

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we've got a guest right now just to show you

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how. Let's all go to Clown College, baby. It's

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with Brandon, Taylor, Scott, and JJ. Let's all

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go to Clown College, baby. There's a 5K mud run

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with an obstacle course, I think. Tough Mudder?

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It's called the Mustang Mud Run. Okay, yeah.

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It's 5K, but we should sign up for that and do

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that for 5K. I'll do it. Tell me why. I just

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want to do blackface. Corey did a Tough Mudder.

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We were looking through old pictures, and guess

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who was there? The rapist, Lunati, he did it

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with him. And they all, like, call him my friend.

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I'm like, you have pictures of him on your phone.

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Oh, that's you guys running a race together?

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Fostering brotherly love and companionship? He

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looks like he's about to rape, too. He looks

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like he has rape in his eyes. I mean, dude, the

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mud run, that would get you horned up, probably.

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5K, that was like two and a half balls. It's

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like 3 .2. 3 .2? Not horrible. Not bad. Now,

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Brandon, you've been beasting working out, dude.

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Oh, yeah, I'm trying to get there. Dude, how

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long do you think you can take the run? What

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did you say, 3 .2? Mm -hmm. I don't know. We

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got to time it. I'll try it. I thankfully found

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a trail. What do you think you can get it at?

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Honestly, the fastest I could probably run it

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would be like 26, 27 minutes. That's good. To

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run 3 .2 is really good. I would say that's the

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best, like nine minutes a mile. Yeah. That would

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be me like trying my ass off. my fastest ever

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day was 14 minute two ball so that's fast though

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but that's like uh your guys's age but i was

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talking to my my friend who just joined the army

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yeah apparently it's like 16 minutes now for

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his he's the same age as me yeah 16 minutes to

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get to pass yeah yeah yeah that's what it is

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to pass but you you whatever if you get 13 minutes

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you get 100 points Oh, yeah. Towards promotion.

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Dude, how many people do you think do that? They

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do a lot. A lot of people do that? Some jobs,

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to get promoted, they have to have a 300 on their

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PT test. The max points is 800, and they have

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to make 796. When I was in, there was a whole

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bunch of people that had to make 796. So that's

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like getting 100 % on your 300. For your guy's

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age, it's 13 minute, two mile. uh 80 push -ups

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and like 80 something sit -ups 80 push -ups in

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how long uh two minutes everything is two minutes

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okay and then um and then you got then you have

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to have all your schooling if you want to max

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it out you have to have like extra credits of

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like college classes and then like all of the

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board shit like all of the fucking military school

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and shit like that, wards and shit to get you

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points. So it's like impossible to get promoted

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unless you're just a monster. Fuck all that,

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man. I did my time. I did my service. You know

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what mine was to get promoted? Like if 7 .8 was,

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7 .6 is what a lot of people had to get, right?

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320? Huh? 320? 32. 32 points total? 800 is the

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max. I only had to have 32 points. How easy?

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Because it's like how many sergeants you got

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at this job, this MOS. We didn't have any sergeants.

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And I didn't even know. And then my sergeant

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was like, hey, you better go to the board. You

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go to the board, you automatically become a sergeant.

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And I was like, for real? I'm only like a year

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and a half, maybe two years in. And then I'm

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like, for real? I was like, all right, I'll go

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do it. And I made the board. Then Sergeant Miller,

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who I got that joke about, he was like, yo, yo

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ass wouldn't have made the board if you didn't

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have 32 points. And then we got in a big fight.

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I was like, that's when I'm going to be your

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fucking rank. And you ain't going to be able

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to tell me shit. And we literally almost got

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in a fight there. had to separate us really yeah

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because he was he was bitching because my platoon

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sergeant told me to go take a I could go to lunch

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without bringing my weapon I had a fucking 249

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this big ass thing clacking against my knees

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I'm just going it's on post I'm going to the

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fucking you know like 100 meters away to eat.

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Fuck that weapon. You know what I'm saying? I

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ain't about to just lay down on the ground in

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any way. I'm taking somebody else's shit that

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got shot. But fucking, so I was walking and he

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was like, why ain't you got your weapon? I was

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like, Sergeant Johnson told me I had to take

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it. He was like, I don't give a fuck. You in

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Afghanistan, you didn't have your weapon. I was

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like, well, do you outrank her? And he was like,

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nah. And that's when we got a big argument. I

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was like, so I'm going to be your ranking next

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month. And then he got promoted the month after.

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Damn, dude. But there was that one month where

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it was tight, though. One month we were equal

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as shit, dude. That's crazy, man. You just have

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to show up to become a sergeant? That's what

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I had to do. Most people don't. Sometimes shit

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just happens, right? I would have never been

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a sergeant, first of all, if I didn't have my

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points that low. Because I wasn't going to all

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these schools and such. They had to make me go

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to Air Assault. Fuck Heights. You don't like

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heights? Huh? You don't fuck with heights? Go

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look up air assault training. You said air assault

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or salt? Air assault. Air and then assault. Air

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assault. That's better when he says it. Yeah,

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I can't talk right. That's what you did when

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you were... Yeah, I was at Sabalowski. Air assault

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training. Let's look at a picture. That's where

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I was at. Go to video. Oh, okay. I just said

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it on the screen. Right here. You want to click

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on that one? Yeah. Yeah, let's see. Let's see

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what it is. My name is Staff Sergeant Brad Kelpin,

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and I'm a security forces member at the 128th

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Air Wing. Hold on, this is... He's a cop. Hold

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on, this is... Air assault school. Damn, man.

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I'm not supposed to look good. There it is. I

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did that. Oh, shit. Broke my hand. Dude, I did

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that without a line. Something that I've always

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wanted to do. This is, yeah, but that was, this

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is. You may try to fast forward. Y 'all had to

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wear helmets and shit. Oh, yeah, you have to

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wear helmets. Especially when you got a fucking

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blade like that coming over your head. Oh, true.

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Dude, it did kill that one guy. What was his

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name? Who? The guy that, the actor that got murdered

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by the helicopter on set. What? Yeah. Let me

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search that up. He like stepped into the back

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blade. Like, you know, the one on the back. He.

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Got shredded by, I think there was like two kids,

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too. That died, too? I think so. On a movie?

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Yeah, my dad told me about it. Okay. Have you

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ever looked it up? Nope. Well, let's see, dude.

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Vic Merrill? Vic Merrill, yeah. For real? Holy

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shit. Yeah. This looks like it's up your alley,

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dude. Ooh, the Twilight Zone? Mm -hmm. I've been

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watching that. I'm obsessed with it. How did

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he die? Ooh, dude. No, they don't got video.

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I'm just playing. Damn, man. Wait, oh. There's

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an Iroquois. Yeah, it said kill three. Freak

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accident kills three on set of Twilight Zone

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movie. Damn, man. Two child actors. Yeah, you're

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right. Hey, your dad's a fucking source of knowledge,

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man. Yeah, he remembers child murder. Yeah. Yeah,

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he would never forget that. So you think we're

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ever going to get him on? I mean, the thing is,

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we could very easily get him on. But I don't

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think we would come out with a good end product.

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We probably couldn't release whatever it was.

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We'll just do it for clips, like stuff that we

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can release. It's like if we were to have Charleston

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White on the podcast. Like there's some stuff

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you can't really put in. But he does. Well, he

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can do that. He does, dude. He can do that. Fucking

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friend of the pot. Charleston White. Adjacent,

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very close friend, dude. Cheers to that. Know

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him personally. We were only $10 ,000 away from

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being friends with him, dude. That's it. He would

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have been sitting right here probably making

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fun of my apartment. 100%. He would have brought

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40 people. They all would have been just standing

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right here. Yeah, it would have been the most

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uncomfortable thing. Alex would have left. Start

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saying slurs. Damn. The entourage culture is

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cool. I like that you guys do that. Entourage?

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Yeah. You bring people with you. Oh, like hype

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man. Yeah. Like when you rapping. You know, like

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they always got 40 people on stage. Oh, dude.

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That's how they lose all that money, though,

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trying to take care of a fucking body. Yeah.

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Man, look, bro. I don't understand it. You just

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be like, oh, we're going. I got to give $10 ,000

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to you every, you know. Day or whatever, you

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know, or spending on them. Having hotels and

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shit, you got to pay for 40 fucking people. You

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know how much money that is? That's a lot, man.

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That's a fucking crazy -ass amount of money.

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And you just do it because you don't feel comfortable

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with yourself to be around. You know what I mean?

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And then you try to get them to file their W

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-2s and they won't do it. And it's just a tax

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mess. I think about Snoop Dogg's blunt roller

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filing his W -2. Yeah. What do you think that...

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What are his hours? Oh, well, he doesn't work

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hourly. He works salary. I think it was like

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last time I heard it was like $30 ,000 to $40

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,000, something like that. It's really not. It's

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not that lucrative. No, it's not. But if you

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get to stay with him and live on his property,

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then it's good. That is fine. Like if you have

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your own little house or whatever in the back.

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Good insurance. Dog house. 401K. That'd be fine.

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Yeah. True. And you don't pay that much, but

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you got the house and he provides you food. So,

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you know, you get to stay on his property. Yeah.

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Like a sharecropper. Yeah. I guess so. That's

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what the whites were. Yeah. And now look at everybody.

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Now he's got a white dude rolling the blunt for

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him. Exactly. Well, he would never. He's not

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white. There's no way he's white. He's white.

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Maybe dark Mexican. Could be. He's in Cali. Yeah.

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Mm -hmm. That's why I remember I asked you to

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send me that video. Because we were at my boy's

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house, he's Mexican, and they were like, can

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Mexicans say nigga? And I was like, well, yeah,

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but you can't stop them. They say it more than

00:11:04.590 --> 00:11:06.850
anybody else. And, you know, they're going through

00:11:06.850 --> 00:11:09.090
a hard time right now. You can let them have

00:11:09.090 --> 00:11:11.809
it. Dude, something funny happened. When you

00:11:11.809 --> 00:11:14.149
asked me to send you that video, I couldn't find

00:11:14.149 --> 00:11:17.029
it. They deleted it off Instagram. So I had to

00:11:17.029 --> 00:11:20.090
get it from YouTube. And when I looked up to

00:11:20.090 --> 00:11:23.289
find the video, I didn't realize that since my

00:11:23.289 --> 00:11:26.509
TV, Uses my YouTube account when you would go

00:11:26.509 --> 00:11:29.789
on YouTube on the TV to like search for something

00:11:29.789 --> 00:11:34.710
like oh It's the first thing that pops up. It

00:11:34.710 --> 00:11:39.870
says killing in words Bush Bush Bush because

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he's George Bush in the video George Bush will

00:11:45.409 --> 00:11:50.009
you go to? When he says, Dick, what were we doing

00:11:50.009 --> 00:11:51.629
at the ranch? He's talking about Dick Cheney.

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So what is this called? Tell JJ. Verbatim. What

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I looked up, and you know, you can do as you

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wish. Killing. Killing. And then the N word.

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The N word. Plural. Plural? Plural. With a capital

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or no capital? Not capital. You're going to say

00:12:10.190 --> 00:12:13.029
niggas, Brandon. Nah. Oh, you know what? Not

00:12:13.029 --> 00:12:15.409
the N -word. Brandon, you're black. You can type

00:12:15.409 --> 00:12:17.009
it. Yes, I can. All right, so what happens then?

00:12:17.190 --> 00:12:22.529
Bush. What happens now? All right. Looks like

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that's a playlist on Spotify. Dude, why 21 Savage?

00:12:28.309 --> 00:12:31.669
Let's look on images. This ain't any better.

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Just go out, go to my message, go to JJ. All

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right, hold up. Don't show this part. Oh, don't

00:12:37.350 --> 00:12:39.850
worry. I'm back. Oh, you added the in there.

00:12:40.819 --> 00:12:45.960
Killing the... That was the mission title of

00:12:45.960 --> 00:12:49.259
Killing Osama Bin Laden. Oh, right here? Double

00:12:49.259 --> 00:12:50.919
click on it. Oh, yeah, that's it. Double click

00:12:50.919 --> 00:12:53.539
on the bottle. Oh, okay. There we go. Fuck do

00:12:53.539 --> 00:12:55.299
I care about some memo about some dude trying

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to hijack some shit? I don't give a fuck. I had

00:12:57.820 --> 00:13:00.600
other shit to do that day. I had to live. A nigga

00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:02.480
was at his ranch that day, and you know how it

00:13:02.480 --> 00:13:06.450
goes at the ranch. Laid back. Ass dick. Yo, dick,

00:13:06.610 --> 00:13:08.309
tell me what you was doing that day at the ranch.

00:13:08.509 --> 00:13:11.889
Robbing niggas. Ain't that right? Cheney is real.

00:13:12.049 --> 00:13:17.809
He don't give a fuck. Yo, Romance! He said, robbing

00:13:17.809 --> 00:13:22.330
niggas. Love that, dude. That's perfect timing.

00:13:22.490 --> 00:13:25.870
The way he pushes up off the back of the building.

00:13:25.870 --> 00:13:28.690
The way he looks at the camera. It's so, like,

00:13:28.690 --> 00:13:32.230
diva Jake Muncy -esque. I love it, dude. It was

00:13:32.230 --> 00:13:35.309
so funny. Dude, that reminds me. I was at the

00:13:35.309 --> 00:13:39.049
hotel in Nashville, and there was tornadoes going

00:13:39.049 --> 00:13:41.870
on on a Wednesday night, and they had this big

00:13:41.870 --> 00:13:44.759
conference there for some imaging company. And,

00:13:44.759 --> 00:13:47.259
dude, the nerdiest looking white dude of all

00:13:47.259 --> 00:13:50.019
time. I'm standing at the desk because I got

00:13:50.019 --> 00:13:53.100
put on the premium room this week. So we get

00:13:53.100 --> 00:13:55.700
free snacks. They put peanut M &Ms and a Kit

00:13:55.700 --> 00:13:57.059
Kat in the room. Get the fuck out of here. But

00:13:57.059 --> 00:13:59.120
they didn't stock it that day. So I absolutely

00:13:59.120 --> 00:14:01.240
had a word with the front desk person and said,

00:14:01.299 --> 00:14:05.000
dude. I need my snacks. And so he left to go

00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:07.159
get the snacks. And I'm standing there on my

00:14:07.159 --> 00:14:09.360
phone. And the nerdiest looking white dude of

00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:12.480
all time. He looks like McLovin, but like redheaded

00:14:12.480 --> 00:14:15.840
albino. Oh, no. Oh, that's bad. He just came

00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:18.179
up to me. He said, you look like you need to

00:14:18.179 --> 00:14:22.200
get some hoes tonight. The fuck? Yeah, he came

00:14:22.200 --> 00:14:23.940
up to me, and he was, like, trying to get me

00:14:23.940 --> 00:14:25.840
to go out drinking with him and his friends.

00:14:25.980 --> 00:14:28.220
Uh -huh. So it was, like, him. He was a real

00:14:28.220 --> 00:14:30.039
skinny white dude, and then just, like, an obese

00:14:30.039 --> 00:14:33.139
black guy. Like, that was the crew. That's a

00:14:33.139 --> 00:14:35.179
tight crew. That's a crew I want to be around.

00:14:35.679 --> 00:14:37.799
They wanted me to go out, and I was like, no.

00:14:38.919 --> 00:14:42.629
No, dude. And he just worked there. He was just

00:14:42.629 --> 00:14:44.429
trying. He was like, you know. No, he was there

00:14:44.429 --> 00:14:46.750
for the conference. And they do the free drinks

00:14:46.750 --> 00:14:49.950
from 5 to 6 .30. Okay. Shout out, Embassy Suites.

00:14:49.970 --> 00:14:53.690
Yeah, shout out. He was fucked up, man. Damn.

00:14:53.730 --> 00:14:55.570
And he came up and was just like, we need to

00:14:55.570 --> 00:14:57.769
go get some hoes tonight, man. Hey, he probably

00:14:57.769 --> 00:14:59.570
had a good time. That sounds like a good crew.

00:14:59.710 --> 00:15:02.750
Yeah. A fat black guy in a skinny fucking albino

00:15:02.750 --> 00:15:05.429
redhead. Dude, they're getting into some mischief.

00:15:05.610 --> 00:15:09.269
No, I mean, yeah. Nothing good. Legal. No, nothing

00:15:09.269 --> 00:15:11.480
legal. Nothing legal. But, you know, you'll feel

00:15:11.480 --> 00:15:14.820
safe. I'm not saying— You can hide behind—like,

00:15:14.820 --> 00:15:16.320
if somebody starts shooting, how big was he?

00:15:16.759 --> 00:15:18.600
You could, like—he could take some bullets. He

00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:20.919
could take some for you. Yeah. Like, just think,

00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:23.120
if we were to shoot out and we had Pat there,

00:15:23.279 --> 00:15:26.779
it's only right that we get behind him and use

00:15:26.779 --> 00:15:29.419
him as a shield. This guy was built a lot sturdier

00:15:29.419 --> 00:15:31.120
than Pat. And that's better because the muscles

00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:33.639
slow the bullet down faster. Well, he—yeah, he

00:15:33.639 --> 00:15:37.559
just seemed more put together physically. Was

00:15:37.559 --> 00:15:41.860
he? Like, he kind of looked like Baymax from

00:15:41.860 --> 00:15:45.980
Big Hero 6. I'll show you a picture. That's the

00:15:45.980 --> 00:15:48.740
white thing, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

00:15:48.740 --> 00:15:50.460
know what that is. That's the black thing. Yeah,

00:15:53.500 --> 00:15:56.000
he was built like that. Oh, okay. So I feel like

00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:58.700
if he inhaled, he could deflect the initial bullet.

00:15:59.220 --> 00:16:01.159
And then after that, he would start, you know,

00:16:01.220 --> 00:16:05.429
taking them in. But I think that is the rule

00:16:05.429 --> 00:16:08.450
of survival. If you have somebody like that,

00:16:08.509 --> 00:16:11.269
that's their role. So when we're playing D &D,

00:16:11.350 --> 00:16:12.970
when we're doing this here with Mark and playing

00:16:12.970 --> 00:16:16.210
D &D, we have to have a person for each role,

00:16:16.309 --> 00:16:18.490
right? Yes. So in real life, it's like that too.

00:16:19.029 --> 00:16:22.149
Human shield? A human shield is what he is. Okay,

00:16:22.169 --> 00:16:26.370
I have a question. Fat guy, fat girl, who do

00:16:26.370 --> 00:16:29.330
you use? Well, you use him first. Fat guy. Yeah.

00:16:29.429 --> 00:16:32.210
And then once he goes down, then you do him naturally.

00:16:32.730 --> 00:16:34.950
Yeah. Naturally, you go behind. What's the chain?

00:16:36.110 --> 00:16:37.590
What's the chain of command? For just shields?

00:16:38.210 --> 00:16:40.169
Because if you're talking about just shields,

00:16:40.269 --> 00:16:43.129
if we had Alex as a shield, we're going to shoot

00:16:43.129 --> 00:16:44.730
right over him. You know what I'm saying? We're

00:16:44.730 --> 00:16:46.809
all getting hit, too. You know what I mean? But

00:16:46.809 --> 00:16:49.950
in the natural progression, it would probably

00:16:49.950 --> 00:16:55.860
go like fat, and then you got tall. Tall is probably

00:16:55.860 --> 00:16:59.080
next. So it goes fattest, and then once that

00:16:59.080 --> 00:17:01.179
ends, it goes tallest. But if you have, like,

00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:03.980
a five -foot fat dude or a fat person, that doesn't

00:17:03.980 --> 00:17:06.059
help you either. Yeah, unless there's, like,

00:17:06.140 --> 00:17:10.680
a short doorway or something. You plug them in

00:17:10.680 --> 00:17:14.119
there and then escape. Stuff them. Yeah, that

00:17:14.119 --> 00:17:16.039
is true. But what about, like, just, like, who

00:17:16.039 --> 00:17:19.059
do we ascend to go attack the intruder, the assailant?

00:17:19.600 --> 00:17:22.299
Okay, so you got waves. The first wave, you're

00:17:22.299 --> 00:17:24.279
going to have to send in the... Dirty whites.

00:17:24.599 --> 00:17:26.920
I feel like dirty whites have to be front line.

00:17:27.059 --> 00:17:29.359
Yeah, whoever is bucking up, you know how they

00:17:29.359 --> 00:17:31.019
do that little shuffle when they get excited

00:17:31.019 --> 00:17:32.940
and they go up and do that? So they can take

00:17:32.940 --> 00:17:35.619
the blunt force. And then you want to send your

00:17:35.619 --> 00:17:40.779
skilled fighters or people who are able to disable

00:17:40.779 --> 00:17:43.160
people, you want to send them in second. And

00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:44.859
if they get past them, it's probably over for

00:17:44.859 --> 00:17:49.740
everybody. Where does Brandon go in the draft?

00:17:51.740 --> 00:18:01.740
Brandon. No, man. I'm just thinking. I don't

00:18:01.740 --> 00:18:05.740
know. Maybe reconnaissance. We send him to scope

00:18:05.740 --> 00:18:10.180
it out. He's the messenger like in 300. You know

00:18:10.180 --> 00:18:12.819
what I mean? You go up there and you offer the

00:18:12.819 --> 00:18:16.730
piece. He plays the triangle? Yeah. Bring back

00:18:16.730 --> 00:18:19.809
Flashback. Yeah, I'm sorry. That was a sensitive

00:18:19.809 --> 00:18:22.170
subject. I shouldn't have gone there. Play the

00:18:22.170 --> 00:18:24.970
saxophone instead. Hell yeah, I played the saxophone.

00:18:25.069 --> 00:18:27.829
You did? Me too. Until it broke. What broke?

00:18:27.890 --> 00:18:30.470
The reed or the whole saxophone? Let's see what

00:18:30.470 --> 00:18:33.130
happened. Well, I don't know. It was a button

00:18:33.130 --> 00:18:34.670
that messed up. And they're like, okay, man,

00:18:34.710 --> 00:18:36.509
you can't play the saxophone. So then I had to

00:18:36.509 --> 00:18:38.549
go to the trombone. So they're saying you messed

00:18:38.549 --> 00:18:41.720
up the button. Yeah, maybe because I bought it

00:18:41.720 --> 00:18:44.279
at a pawn shop. So I was just like playing good

00:18:44.279 --> 00:18:46.500
for a little bit or not. And then they were like,

00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:48.339
okay, we're taking that away from you. It's messed

00:18:48.339 --> 00:18:50.799
up. Yeah, and this wasn't your instrument. Yeah,

00:18:51.220 --> 00:18:53.640
which sucks because that was my dream instrument.

00:18:53.640 --> 00:18:55.319
So then I went to the trombone, you know, the

00:18:55.319 --> 00:18:57.759
small little tuba. And then after that, what

00:18:57.759 --> 00:19:02.390
else did I do? The baritone. No, I did the baritone.

00:19:02.430 --> 00:19:04.049
I never did the trombone. That's Dante right

00:19:04.049 --> 00:19:06.750
there. I did the baritone, and then they put

00:19:06.750 --> 00:19:08.670
me on the triangle, and then after that happened,

00:19:08.690 --> 00:19:09.789
they're like, okay, we're going to put them on

00:19:09.789 --> 00:19:12.690
something like the bass drum or maybe the snare.

00:19:12.829 --> 00:19:14.769
I wanted to play the quads. See, I was thinking

00:19:14.769 --> 00:19:16.690
they were taking you down and less importance

00:19:16.690 --> 00:19:20.609
of the band, but then they put you on the bass

00:19:20.609 --> 00:19:23.089
drum and the spare. Yeah, yeah. That's important.

00:19:23.089 --> 00:19:24.809
I wanted the quads, though, those quads, man.

00:19:25.230 --> 00:19:28.390
I wanted the quads so bad. To play four of them?

00:19:28.490 --> 00:19:30.900
Dude, yeah. Man, that was like the life of the

00:19:30.900 --> 00:19:34.480
party right there. Can you do it? Now? Yeah,

00:19:34.619 --> 00:19:37.759
I couldn't at the time. I wasn't even able to

00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:39.380
do the parades, man. I would just be walking

00:19:39.380 --> 00:19:42.839
with them. Tell me if you think this is good.

00:19:43.019 --> 00:19:48.119
Like we put an ad out, right, for like a real

00:19:48.119 --> 00:19:51.720
ad saying we want any either first generation

00:19:51.720 --> 00:19:55.319
or second generation Italians to come try out

00:19:55.319 --> 00:20:01.019
this. this Michelin chef's dishes. He wants you

00:20:01.019 --> 00:20:03.259
to try them out. And then they come in, we get

00:20:03.259 --> 00:20:04.960
like a little building and everything, have the

00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:07.079
table set up, and then it's Brandon in a chef

00:20:07.079 --> 00:20:09.700
suit comes out. And he doesn't address it at

00:20:09.700 --> 00:20:12.660
all, and he just cooks spaghetti for them. I

00:20:12.660 --> 00:20:15.579
think that would be great. Right? We should do

00:20:15.579 --> 00:20:16.559
that. And we get to sign waivers and everything

00:20:16.559 --> 00:20:18.019
saying that they're going to be on the show.

00:20:18.259 --> 00:20:20.299
But I don't want it to be a good chef costume.

00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:23.759
I want it to be exactly that we're on the same

00:20:23.759 --> 00:20:26.779
page. I want it to be the Pilbury Doze Boys hat.

00:20:27.059 --> 00:20:31.119
Yes. Say that again. The Pillsbury. Pillsbury.

00:20:31.660 --> 00:20:34.559
Yeah. Would you do it? Hell yeah. And then you

00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:36.720
can never say that you're not Italian. And then

00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:38.579
this is the way that you, so you make sure you

00:20:38.579 --> 00:20:40.460
let them know. Tell them you're Sicilian. Yeah.

00:20:40.660 --> 00:20:46.200
Oh my. Yes. Sicilian. Let's hear your Italian

00:20:46.200 --> 00:20:49.180
accent. Italian accent. You got to talk like

00:20:49.180 --> 00:20:52.000
this the whole time. The whole episode? No, I

00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:54.180
mean, you're going to be literally in there cooking

00:20:54.180 --> 00:20:55.319
for them. I'll just come in there and be like,

00:20:55.460 --> 00:20:58.220
let me think of something. What type of Italian?

00:20:58.660 --> 00:21:01.359
Spaghetti. Spaghetti? All right, we're here with

00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:04.700
the spaghetti. That was actually good. I'm liking

00:21:04.700 --> 00:21:06.579
it. How you doing, everybody? How you doing?

00:21:06.599 --> 00:21:08.400
Hey, bon appetit. We're going to get over here

00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:09.980
with the spaghetti. You guys want to make some

00:21:09.980 --> 00:21:11.519
spaghetti? I'm going to hook you up right here.

00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:14.599
You know, hey, if you can't cook it right, shit's

00:21:14.599 --> 00:21:16.220
going to go sideways, if you know what I mean.

00:21:16.380 --> 00:21:18.400
And I'm not saying that somebody's going to end

00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:19.819
up sleeping with some fishes, but they might.

00:21:20.500 --> 00:21:22.259
And I'm going to teach you how to do that shit.

00:21:22.460 --> 00:21:25.279
Now I'm going to get my pascuzi out. When I pull

00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:26.880
out the pascuzi, we're going to get the old gang

00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:28.480
in here and we're going to get it going good,

00:21:28.579 --> 00:21:30.039
man. Because I'm going to want you guys to cook

00:21:30.039 --> 00:21:31.579
so good it's going to be like ravioli. Isn't

00:21:31.579 --> 00:21:33.700
that right, Don? You know, he's like the Don.

00:21:35.019 --> 00:21:42.400
JJ. I'll let you say it. Yeah. JJ. Yes. Let's

00:21:42.400 --> 00:21:44.880
see what I put. You'd be like the dude that,

00:21:44.880 --> 00:21:48.519
you ever seen, what was that movie called? Godfather?

00:21:49.350 --> 00:21:52.970
You remember the strong brother? The strong black

00:21:52.970 --> 00:21:55.250
guy? No, no, no. The one that was like... You

00:21:55.250 --> 00:21:58.509
remember the one that was driving the Lincoln

00:21:58.509 --> 00:22:00.509
Continental and then he got out of the car and

00:22:00.509 --> 00:22:01.869
then they had that big scene where they shot

00:22:01.869 --> 00:22:04.390
up the Lincoln Continental? Yeah. I'll be that

00:22:04.390 --> 00:22:07.910
guy. I'll be that guy. I'll be like, hey, if

00:22:07.910 --> 00:22:09.730
shit goes down, you're going to have to deal

00:22:09.730 --> 00:22:11.750
with him. That guy's going to die. He's going

00:22:11.750 --> 00:22:13.849
to put you out there. Hell yeah, dude. I'll do

00:22:13.849 --> 00:22:17.680
it. Gladly. I was thinking like... Italy Italian.

00:22:17.759 --> 00:22:19.480
I didn't know we were going straight to mob.

00:22:19.700 --> 00:22:21.380
I was thinking Italy Italian, too, because they're

00:22:21.380 --> 00:22:22.519
the ones who usually cook. But the mob cook,

00:22:22.660 --> 00:22:25.400
too. I mean, good fellas. Yeah. And you make

00:22:25.400 --> 00:22:27.559
sure you tell them that this is the only way

00:22:27.559 --> 00:22:29.779
the real Italians make, you know, whatever dishes

00:22:29.779 --> 00:22:32.059
you're making. And there's no other way to do

00:22:32.059 --> 00:22:34.039
it. It's just this way is the authentic way.

00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:38.140
Okay. Yeah. I pull out, like, Chef Broardy. Oh,

00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:40.839
see. See, you're on the right track. I'd be like,

00:22:40.859 --> 00:22:42.500
heat it up, put it in the microwave for five

00:22:42.500 --> 00:22:46.000
minutes, and then you're cooking. Any questions?

00:22:47.179 --> 00:22:50.220
What would be the dish that you make? The dish?

00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:52.740
I guess chicken parmesan. Chicken parm? Yeah.

00:22:52.920 --> 00:22:54.940
Okay. And you got to bread the chicken and all

00:22:54.940 --> 00:22:59.019
that? Mm -hmm. Marinated overnight. We just sleep

00:22:59.019 --> 00:23:02.099
over and wait. I'm just kidding. They're like,

00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:04.700
is it ready yet? No, this is how it goes. Hey,

00:23:04.859 --> 00:23:10.740
gal. We just hanging out. Making cannolis. Brandon,

00:23:10.799 --> 00:23:15.380
you got fans, man. I do, yeah. And some dudes

00:23:15.380 --> 00:23:18.940
that love me a little too much, I guess. What

00:23:18.940 --> 00:23:20.579
do you mean by that? I don't know. There's one

00:23:20.579 --> 00:23:22.000
guy. I'm not going to put his name out there.

00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:24.440
Say his name. You know, he's watching right now.

00:23:25.079 --> 00:23:27.319
And it's like I found out he's been texting me

00:23:27.319 --> 00:23:30.539
for like a year. A bunch of crazy stuff. Can

00:23:30.539 --> 00:23:32.539
you give us a little example of what he's texting

00:23:32.539 --> 00:23:34.380
you? Like one thing, it was like I'll be watching

00:23:34.380 --> 00:23:36.839
over you at night. And it was like some demon

00:23:36.839 --> 00:23:39.880
type thing saying I'll protect you and all that

00:23:39.880 --> 00:23:42.039
stuff. And it says like a bunch of pictures without

00:23:42.039 --> 00:23:47.119
a shirt. guns and stuff like that and then I

00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:49.440
like took a picture of me and my wife and he's

00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:52.440
like you like hey man good you got the fat girl

00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:54.880
say the Asian one for me and put like a Asian

00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:58.019
girl like a really big forehead I saw that I

00:23:58.019 --> 00:24:00.579
didn't understand that. I didn't either. I just

00:24:00.579 --> 00:24:03.859
laughed it off. That's all you can do. And I

00:24:03.859 --> 00:24:05.200
thought this was one of the... He was saying

00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:09.660
the black trope about black guys and big white

00:24:09.660 --> 00:24:12.180
girls. That's what he was saying to you. So what

00:24:12.180 --> 00:24:15.099
is that in the military? No, that's just... He

00:24:15.099 --> 00:24:17.339
said the military. So that's why I thought...

00:24:17.339 --> 00:24:18.579
Because that's probably the first time he was

00:24:18.579 --> 00:24:22.039
around black people, is my guess. So he's just

00:24:22.039 --> 00:24:26.069
like, oh, it's true. Damn. I thought he was friends

00:24:26.069 --> 00:24:27.930
with y 'all. But that's a wild thing to message

00:24:27.930 --> 00:24:30.549
someone that you don't know. You really don't

00:24:30.549 --> 00:24:33.250
know at all. Yeah, at all. After like six months

00:24:33.250 --> 00:24:36.470
of no responses. Oh, nice, you posted this picture.

00:24:36.809 --> 00:24:38.509
I'm going to say terrible things about you and

00:24:38.509 --> 00:24:42.309
your family. Yeah. But hey, we have the best

00:24:42.309 --> 00:24:44.849
fans in the world. Yeah, we do. We do. Dude,

00:24:44.890 --> 00:24:48.700
we do. He cares enough to. Send stuff. What's

00:24:48.700 --> 00:24:51.720
up, man? Shirtless bitches? Yeah. I'm going to

00:24:51.720 --> 00:24:53.319
watch you sleep. I think we've seen that in there.

00:24:53.420 --> 00:24:54.740
And then the one thing where it's like, just

00:24:54.740 --> 00:24:58.059
cook you and make you fuck dudes. That's a funny

00:24:58.059 --> 00:25:00.079
video. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, that was just

00:25:00.079 --> 00:25:02.400
a joke video. I like that video. It was funny.

00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:05.220
Yeah, that was funny. That was just a joke. Yeah,

00:25:05.220 --> 00:25:07.160
that was a good video. We were joshing. Yeah,

00:25:07.299 --> 00:25:10.319
the video where the guy's like... cookie makes

00:25:10.319 --> 00:25:12.420
you want to fuck dudes and then he eats it looking

00:25:12.420 --> 00:25:15.279
at the camera. And after a guy sends you six,

00:25:15.339 --> 00:25:17.400
seven months worth of shirtless gym pictures,

00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:21.740
that's normal. It sets off no alarms. None. Not

00:25:21.740 --> 00:25:30.319
at all. I don't know. I don't know, man. It's

00:25:30.319 --> 00:25:33.980
like being at a crossroad with no end to it.

00:25:34.059 --> 00:25:37.180
You're just confused. I think he would leave

00:25:37.180 --> 00:25:39.279
you confused if you hung out with him. Yeah,

00:25:39.339 --> 00:25:44.680
man. If I come back home, who knows? All I'm

00:25:44.680 --> 00:25:46.480
going to say is at a point, people's sympathy

00:25:46.480 --> 00:25:57.000
will run out. What do you mean? Unrelated. We

00:25:57.000 --> 00:25:59.400
love you, Brandon. We just want you to make good

00:25:59.400 --> 00:26:00.660
decisions for yourself. Oh, yeah, I made good

00:26:00.660 --> 00:26:03.039
decisions. And you've been grinding, dude. Oh,

00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:04.539
yeah, I've been grinding. That's good. Just don't

00:26:04.539 --> 00:26:06.720
let this man take away what you've built. That's

00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:08.880
why I'm like, yeah, we keep our distance, man.

00:26:09.119 --> 00:26:11.640
But you weren't responding to him. No, I stayed

00:26:11.640 --> 00:26:14.720
back. Yeah, you just let him send whatever he

00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:16.700
likes. That's on him. Yeah, because, I mean,

00:26:16.759 --> 00:26:20.160
what's the harm in that? I'm not doing anything.

00:26:20.660 --> 00:26:22.839
You're just letting him have his fun. Just living

00:26:22.839 --> 00:26:26.329
in America, man. Hey, I hear that. A lot of stuff

00:26:26.329 --> 00:26:28.390
going on. Anybody watching out there, if you

00:26:28.390 --> 00:26:30.230
don't know us and you want to send any news to

00:26:30.230 --> 00:26:31.970
Brandon, I want you to go ahead and do that.

00:26:32.150 --> 00:26:35.069
Right. Because he appreciates it. Please. Send

00:26:35.069 --> 00:26:37.450
it straight to his Instagram, wherever you want

00:26:37.450 --> 00:26:38.990
to follow him. What's your Instagram, Brandon?

00:26:41.329 --> 00:26:42.589
BrandonJW123, but I mean, I'm not going to. Is

00:26:42.589 --> 00:26:44.069
there an underscore in there? No underscore.

00:26:44.190 --> 00:26:45.710
It's just straight up. Okay, Brandon. I'm not

00:26:45.710 --> 00:26:48.309
going to respond. No, but your look and your,

00:26:48.430 --> 00:26:52.710
you know, your respect. Give them another rubric.

00:26:52.750 --> 00:26:55.730
Yeah, that's all right. We would really like

00:26:55.730 --> 00:26:58.470
that. Yeah. Do you think you'd be good at rating

00:26:58.470 --> 00:27:01.069
people's nudes? Like if we on our Patreon, you

00:27:01.069 --> 00:27:07.190
rated our audience's nudes? Well, this is wild.

00:27:07.509 --> 00:27:10.589
I guess. You give them on a one to ten scale.

00:27:11.259 --> 00:27:12.940
And you have to be honest and you just write

00:27:12.940 --> 00:27:15.839
their nudes. I feel like we could all do that.

00:27:16.039 --> 00:27:18.859
I think it's more for you. Everybody has to have

00:27:18.859 --> 00:27:24.259
their own brain. You have more anatomical knowledge.

00:27:24.779 --> 00:27:29.119
You know about anatomy. We don't know as much

00:27:29.119 --> 00:27:31.039
as you because you've been studying it. Yes,

00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:34.420
I have. I found out that... Like, there's a scale.

00:27:34.579 --> 00:27:36.640
Like, your arms are, like, a low percentage.

00:27:36.759 --> 00:27:38.599
Your body is 18. And, you know, I got upset because

00:27:38.599 --> 00:27:40.859
I found out you're junk. It's just 1 % of importance.

00:27:41.660 --> 00:27:45.539
And your body. And I'm like, that's kind of crazy.

00:27:45.720 --> 00:27:49.900
In what way? Well, like, getting fucked up. Like,

00:27:49.940 --> 00:27:51.759
if something happened. Like, getting hurt. That's

00:27:51.759 --> 00:27:55.809
1%. damage to you. Oh, but what if you cut it

00:27:55.809 --> 00:27:57.549
off? I mean, that's a lot, that's a big order

00:27:57.549 --> 00:27:59.170
right there. I'm pretty sure you don't last long

00:27:59.170 --> 00:28:01.089
after that. Yeah, I feel, yeah, that's why I

00:28:01.089 --> 00:28:02.750
was kind of, because I'm like, that's very important.

00:28:02.910 --> 00:28:04.730
Like, I mean, mentally and stuff, who knows what's

00:28:04.730 --> 00:28:06.150
going to happen to the person after that's gone.

00:28:06.450 --> 00:28:08.549
But that's a very big part of your life. Yeah,

00:28:08.609 --> 00:28:10.569
there's a whole book about it. Yes, there is.

00:28:10.730 --> 00:28:14.190
Imagine living without that. Yeah. That's why

00:28:14.190 --> 00:28:17.650
the soldier had to wear this Kevlar underwear

00:28:17.650 --> 00:28:21.529
because, you know, when the V -bits, the shit

00:28:21.529 --> 00:28:24.680
would blow them up. and they would live, but

00:28:24.680 --> 00:28:27.500
it would fuck up the junk and blow it off. You

00:28:27.500 --> 00:28:30.380
don't recover from getting your shit blown off.

00:28:30.759 --> 00:28:34.359
That's Ernest Hemingway's book. What? The Sun

00:28:34.359 --> 00:28:37.359
Also Rises. That whole book is about a soldier

00:28:37.359 --> 00:28:40.380
who got injured in World War I, and he couldn't

00:28:40.380 --> 00:28:41.920
be with the woman he loved because he couldn't

00:28:41.920 --> 00:28:45.140
have sex with her. There's a whole book about

00:28:45.140 --> 00:28:47.579
that. What ended up happening? Spoiler alert.

00:28:47.759 --> 00:28:50.960
Well, Ernest, nothing really crazy. She just,

00:28:51.099 --> 00:28:53.140
they don't get together, and he's sad about it.

00:28:53.240 --> 00:28:55.619
No, okay. Or he, like, comes to terms with it.

00:28:56.059 --> 00:28:59.880
Greatest writer of the 20th century, I think.

00:29:00.660 --> 00:29:03.660
20th century, yeah, 1920s. That's 20th century.

00:29:04.279 --> 00:29:06.140
Just say it with more confidence. Yeah, yeah.

00:29:06.779 --> 00:29:08.339
Isn't that what happened to Hitler, though? Didn't

00:29:08.339 --> 00:29:10.039
he lose a testicle? That's a rumor. I don't know

00:29:10.039 --> 00:29:13.400
if it's true. We tried to look it up. It's not

00:29:13.400 --> 00:29:15.000
clear -cut, but it might have been just inside

00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:17.579
of him. Yeah. And that's why he did all this.

00:29:17.619 --> 00:29:19.480
But he couldn't have kids, I don't think. No.

00:29:20.059 --> 00:29:21.819
Yeah, that's probably why he hated the Gs. Yeah.

00:29:22.299 --> 00:29:24.960
Maybe he had a Jewish doctor. Dude, maybe. You

00:29:24.960 --> 00:29:26.839
never know. You never know. You never know these

00:29:26.839 --> 00:29:28.579
things. You never know who his doctor was. Vengeance.

00:29:29.460 --> 00:29:31.000
That's all you can think about these days. But

00:29:31.000 --> 00:29:32.960
that is crazy. I mean, that's kind of, was that

00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:35.079
the world knowing that he was going to do that?

00:29:35.119 --> 00:29:36.400
So they were like, we'll take one of your balls.

00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:38.480
The world? Yeah, because you remember how he

00:29:38.480 --> 00:29:41.299
lost a testicle on the field. Maybe the earth

00:29:41.299 --> 00:29:42.880
or the world knew that he was going to cause

00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:44.299
havoc there. Like, well, we're not going to let

00:29:44.299 --> 00:29:46.259
you continue on with this generation. You think

00:29:46.259 --> 00:29:48.900
that's a fair trade? Is that a fair trade? One

00:29:48.900 --> 00:29:52.420
ball for like 12 years of brutal oppression?

00:29:52.700 --> 00:29:56.920
Six million, you know. Is it one ball worth six

00:29:56.920 --> 00:30:00.839
million of oppression? A race? I wonder how many...

00:30:00.839 --> 00:30:02.460
Wait, so you're talking about how many eggs...

00:30:02.460 --> 00:30:06.599
Depends on your sperm count. That's true. What

00:30:06.599 --> 00:30:08.440
do you think your sperm count is, Brandon? I

00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:11.140
bet your shit's fertile as fuck. Parts per million?

00:30:11.240 --> 00:30:13.779
We should probably check that out. I'm scared

00:30:13.779 --> 00:30:16.259
of no mine. How do we check that? We should get

00:30:16.259 --> 00:30:20.579
our testosterone levels and sperm count, and

00:30:20.579 --> 00:30:22.839
then we should guess each other's. And I guarantee

00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:25.619
you mine's so low, both. Damn. Both of them,

00:30:25.640 --> 00:30:28.259
yeah. I haven't got a strong erection in 13 years.

00:30:28.460 --> 00:30:33.640
Ooh. Man, I'm sorry. It's like one of those fat

00:30:33.640 --> 00:30:38.099
Twizzlers. Damn, man. Same texture? They have

00:30:38.099 --> 00:30:41.619
the stuff inside of them. Let's see a picture.

00:30:41.759 --> 00:30:47.700
They can be sturdy if they're stale. If you leave

00:30:47.700 --> 00:30:54.119
it out. Expose the air. You talking about that

00:30:54.119 --> 00:30:56.559
right there, the orange cream? It would be the

00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:59.119
orange cream one. No, those are still the rounds.

00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:02.180
I had like four of them together. Oh, excellent.

00:31:02.180 --> 00:31:03.859
It might be those twist fields. Yeah, that's

00:31:03.859 --> 00:31:08.259
it. You got the field twist. You got the field

00:31:08.259 --> 00:31:11.140
twist going on? No, never mind. See, I thought

00:31:11.140 --> 00:31:12.940
they looked different. I'm talking about a big

00:31:12.940 --> 00:31:19.099
licorice. Or like that. See, there we go. Oh,

00:31:19.099 --> 00:31:22.380
my God. See, that's in a hardened state. Oh,

00:31:22.519 --> 00:31:24.980
dude, that looks... I hate the... If that was

00:31:24.980 --> 00:31:26.759
a penis, I would hate it. Y 'all ever ate one?

00:31:27.859 --> 00:31:30.119
Not that. I'm talking about this chocolate. The

00:31:30.119 --> 00:31:32.319
gummy pop? Yes, the gummy pop. I've never had

00:31:32.319 --> 00:31:33.660
one of those. I've had about two boxes. Is it

00:31:33.660 --> 00:31:40.259
like a gummy bear? There's Brandon trying it.

00:31:40.579 --> 00:31:42.400
Oh, shit. What are you talking about? Right there?

00:31:44.059 --> 00:31:46.920
That's the greatest thing ever. Oh, shit. That's

00:31:46.920 --> 00:31:50.440
a thumbnail. Oh, my God. That does look like

00:31:50.440 --> 00:31:55.039
you bred it unironically. Jesus. The same hairline

00:31:55.039 --> 00:31:57.380
in everything, dog. I mean, to the T. Will you

00:31:57.380 --> 00:32:00.299
look at the camera? Let me see your hairline.

00:32:00.420 --> 00:32:02.700
We're going to put that next to that. Yeah, you

00:32:02.700 --> 00:32:07.140
don't have to move them. It's like the blade

00:32:07.140 --> 00:32:09.480
hairline. It's good, though, man, if you ever

00:32:09.480 --> 00:32:12.500
wanted to try one of these, man. Now, what are

00:32:12.500 --> 00:32:15.380
they? Basically, just like a frozen gummy. Oh,

00:32:15.400 --> 00:32:17.279
it don't have no ice cream in it? No, I mean,

00:32:17.319 --> 00:32:19.680
it tastes like it, but it's just basically a

00:32:19.680 --> 00:32:23.180
frozen gummy bear. It's like a popsicle. I know

00:32:23.180 --> 00:32:25.759
it's a weird explanation. It is actually very

00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:28.180
good, man. It's like a bomb pop. So when you

00:32:28.180 --> 00:32:30.579
bite into it, it's chewy? Yes, a little bit.

00:32:30.700 --> 00:32:34.940
It's chewy and frozen at the same time. I don't

00:32:34.940 --> 00:32:36.420
know how I feel about it. I've never had anything

00:32:36.420 --> 00:32:38.740
like that. Trust me, it's good, man. You're starting

00:32:38.740 --> 00:32:41.180
to feel something. Do you like that? You don't

00:32:41.180 --> 00:32:43.059
like that? I don't like how that looks. I know,

00:32:43.119 --> 00:32:45.339
it looks weird. I just don't like how fucking

00:32:45.339 --> 00:32:47.619
shiny it is. Oh, that's what you're worried about?

00:32:47.680 --> 00:32:49.720
Yeah, I thought it was some foods that shine

00:32:49.720 --> 00:32:55.160
too much. Oh, okay. Apple, clean apples? I can't

00:32:55.160 --> 00:32:57.599
eat a clean apple. It has to be a dirty apple.

00:32:58.240 --> 00:33:02.740
Okay. So you couldn't eat that new candy? They

00:33:02.740 --> 00:33:04.099
make some candy that's going to glow up in the

00:33:04.099 --> 00:33:08.039
dark. I might be able to eat that. Let me show

00:33:08.039 --> 00:33:14.480
you a picture. Oh, my God. Glow -in -the -dark

00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:16.339
candy? There's no way that's good for you. That's

00:33:16.339 --> 00:33:19.420
horrible. I know. They say it's going to be right

00:33:19.420 --> 00:33:22.319
here. It's probably good for you. Oh, look. Somebody

00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:24.359
got an actual picture. There is no fucking way

00:33:24.359 --> 00:33:26.759
you can eat that. That does look cool, though.

00:33:26.900 --> 00:33:29.200
I know, but how long are you going to last with

00:33:29.200 --> 00:33:33.740
it? Oh, dude. Glowing Red 40? Oh, it's on sale

00:33:33.740 --> 00:33:38.769
at Kroger's right now. I wanna... Brandon, dude,

00:33:38.890 --> 00:33:40.390
you cannot be eating this shit, dude. I'm not,

00:33:40.410 --> 00:33:42.450
dude. I never ate this. I saw this online yesterday.

00:33:42.450 --> 00:33:44.309
Dude, imagine if you ate this and then got an

00:33:44.309 --> 00:33:47.410
x -ray. Imagine taking a deuce after that. I

00:33:47.410 --> 00:33:49.309
don't know. I feel like this would combine with

00:33:49.309 --> 00:33:51.089
something. Ooh, we should do the experiments.

00:33:51.210 --> 00:33:54.670
Does it make you shit? Mythbusters? Yeah, dude.

00:33:54.869 --> 00:33:56.589
Shitbusters? And you just turn off the lights

00:33:56.589 --> 00:34:00.130
and then don't flush or use toilet paper. You

00:34:00.130 --> 00:34:01.390
shut off the lights to see if it doesn't glow.

00:34:01.529 --> 00:34:05.150
I just imagine Charlie in the sewer. He sees

00:34:05.150 --> 00:34:07.750
like a glowing turd float by and he's like, oh.

00:34:08.710 --> 00:34:12.829
I'm making a joke about that. Make you start

00:34:12.829 --> 00:34:14.650
believing in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and

00:34:14.650 --> 00:34:19.489
shit. Facts, dude. That's where it went for me,

00:34:19.630 --> 00:34:24.210
dude. I can't believe it. In what way? What do

00:34:24.210 --> 00:34:26.150
you mean? What way of what? Does it make you

00:34:26.150 --> 00:34:27.670
believe in it? Because, I mean, if you see something

00:34:27.670 --> 00:34:29.170
glowing in the sewers, you're going to think

00:34:29.170 --> 00:34:32.170
something supernatural is in there. So you'd

00:34:32.170 --> 00:34:34.550
be like, what the fuck? Oh, my gosh, the turtles

00:34:34.550 --> 00:34:36.070
are real. Because the Ninja Turtles were notorious

00:34:36.070 --> 00:34:39.610
for glowing. Well, yeah, they were shining. Yeah?

00:34:39.769 --> 00:34:41.809
They were shining. They glow up in people's lives.

00:34:42.909 --> 00:34:44.650
Like, I saw a video yesterday. This girl was

00:34:44.650 --> 00:34:46.289
obsessed with, like, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

00:34:46.309 --> 00:34:48.230
She bought all the, like, suits and stuff. And

00:34:48.230 --> 00:34:50.139
her parents were like... Like, she stayed with

00:34:50.139 --> 00:34:51.619
her parents and stuff. And they were like, man,

00:34:51.659 --> 00:34:54.159
we're glad she got a job at a pizza place. Now

00:34:54.159 --> 00:34:56.199
she can buy her own stuff. So she, like, bought

00:34:56.199 --> 00:34:58.599
her own suits and all she eats is pizza. And,

00:34:58.639 --> 00:35:00.280
like, put stuff on it. Like, whatever. Like,

00:35:00.340 --> 00:35:01.960
to make her nutrition good, she'll put, like,

00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:04.920
extra stuff on there. Like, candy or, like. That

00:35:04.920 --> 00:35:08.199
doesn't. I don't agree with it. She might be

00:35:08.199 --> 00:35:11.760
dead now because that was in 2002. 2002? That's

00:35:11.760 --> 00:35:14.530
when she was doing it. Where do you see this

00:35:14.530 --> 00:35:16.849
at? Man, I saw it on YouTube. Oh, okay. So it's

00:35:16.849 --> 00:35:18.389
something that recently just popped up again?

00:35:18.590 --> 00:35:20.570
Yeah, my algorithm. I was like, how old were

00:35:20.570 --> 00:35:24.989
you in 2002? One? I was swimming. Oh, yeah. Jesus

00:35:24.989 --> 00:35:28.230
fucking Christ. I was swimming, man. I was sperm.

00:35:28.530 --> 00:35:30.530
That hurts me to hear. It was just crazy to me

00:35:30.530 --> 00:35:33.050
how he was like, to balance out her diet, she

00:35:33.050 --> 00:35:35.369
put candy on the pizza. I know I should put anything

00:35:35.369 --> 00:35:37.150
on top of there to make it look like she eats

00:35:37.150 --> 00:35:39.849
other stuff. Yeah, but, like, that's not helping

00:35:39.849 --> 00:35:42.570
your taste in the slightest. That's making everything

00:35:42.570 --> 00:35:47.449
sometimes way worse. She's crazy. Her parents

00:35:47.449 --> 00:35:49.730
paying for it all with stuff. She's just staying

00:35:49.730 --> 00:35:52.150
in that basement eating a pizza. I mean, if you

00:35:52.150 --> 00:35:54.889
were a normal person, how fucking disappointed

00:35:54.889 --> 00:35:57.829
would you be if your kid was a Ninja Turtle fanatic?

00:35:58.469 --> 00:36:01.389
Like, to that point where that's all you do with

00:36:01.389 --> 00:36:03.869
your life. Yeah. Like, if you're trying to make

00:36:03.869 --> 00:36:07.260
camp in a sewer and fucking. Eating pizza all

00:36:07.260 --> 00:36:10.139
the time. You got a pet rat that you listen to?

00:36:10.719 --> 00:36:13.780
It's like a Twitch streamer right now. Actually,

00:36:13.840 --> 00:36:16.159
I would probably watch. I have never watched

00:36:16.159 --> 00:36:19.039
a stream in my life, and I would watch that.

00:36:19.179 --> 00:36:21.639
Me too. If you lived in a sewer, I would watch

00:36:21.639 --> 00:36:24.480
it. Yeah? Wouldn't be able to watch it. Authentically,

00:36:24.599 --> 00:36:27.079
though. Don't be going to the Hampton Inn at

00:36:27.079 --> 00:36:28.659
night after you get done streaming. I want to

00:36:28.659 --> 00:36:31.800
see you there for 24 fucking hours a day. I'll

00:36:31.800 --> 00:36:34.199
check in. Have you seen the urban camping videos?

00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:38.760
Ooh, dude. Hold on. Ooh, dude. I know what you're

00:36:38.760 --> 00:36:40.340
talking about. Camping with Steve. Yeah. Camping

00:36:40.340 --> 00:36:42.900
with Steve. Urban camping. He camps in cities

00:36:42.900 --> 00:36:45.199
and, like, weird places. When you say urban.

00:36:46.179 --> 00:36:49.119
Just city. Not black. Sometimes black. Okay.

00:36:49.219 --> 00:36:52.139
If the title has extreme, then there's blacks.

00:36:53.239 --> 00:36:57.300
That's crazy. He carries bear spray for any predator

00:36:57.300 --> 00:37:00.280
on two legs or four. Yeah, he's a beast, dude.

00:37:00.500 --> 00:37:03.679
He should be imprisoned, but it's fine. Does

00:37:03.679 --> 00:37:06.289
he, like, spray people with this shit? It's just

00:37:06.289 --> 00:37:08.969
in case. He never encounters threats. Really?

00:37:09.269 --> 00:37:11.050
Dude, you're not going to fuck with this guy.

00:37:11.130 --> 00:37:12.909
Kind of like Jon Hamm a little bit. Shout out

00:37:12.909 --> 00:37:15.909
Steve Wallace, dude. This guy is the shit. Don't

00:37:15.909 --> 00:37:19.289
he like Jon Hamm? Kind of. Who? Jon Hamm? Mm

00:37:19.289 --> 00:37:21.869
-hmm. A little bit. Something you would know.

00:37:22.949 --> 00:37:24.909
Mad Men. Mad Men. I've been watching this guy

00:37:24.909 --> 00:37:25.969
since 10K subs. He ain't going to know that shit.

00:37:27.670 --> 00:37:29.829
Alex said he's been a follow since 10K subs.

00:37:30.010 --> 00:37:31.909
He's like 2 million now. It's crazy. It's insane.

00:37:32.469 --> 00:37:36.670
Oh, him. Oh, that. Now, you know, I hate, I can

00:37:36.670 --> 00:37:39.170
never remember fucking names. But Jet Tatum was

00:37:39.170 --> 00:37:41.570
with the guy. I was with Al Cook. Shout out Al

00:37:41.570 --> 00:37:44.329
Cook. Al Cook's the only guy to be able to bump

00:37:44.329 --> 00:37:47.869
a whole people from going to. I was really hoping

00:37:47.869 --> 00:37:49.650
he was going to get on Kill Tony. And I just

00:37:49.650 --> 00:37:52.409
knew it was going to be him. Yeah. But, yeah,

00:37:52.489 --> 00:37:53.909
he said he wasn't making any money out there

00:37:53.909 --> 00:37:55.869
on the street because Al Cook is a comedian in

00:37:55.869 --> 00:37:58.260
Birmingham and he plays the guitar. and he was

00:37:58.260 --> 00:38:00.500
out there he's like he makes about 20 a night

00:38:00.500 --> 00:38:03.119
in birmingham he didn't make any money in nashville

00:38:03.119 --> 00:38:07.420
because busking but yeah yeah he was like but

00:38:07.420 --> 00:38:09.380
i was i was thinking i was like maybe it's because

00:38:09.380 --> 00:38:11.900
it's oversaturated here you know what i mean

00:38:11.900 --> 00:38:13.619
because like you're going to see them at every

00:38:13.619 --> 00:38:17.159
stop if you came here and start playing you probably

00:38:17.159 --> 00:38:19.000
make good money because i never see any body

00:38:19.000 --> 00:38:21.480
there's a guy in my area who plays the violin

00:38:21.480 --> 00:38:24.119
from dude i've seen it which is very interesting

00:38:24.119 --> 00:38:27.510
one you don't see that every no you don't Violin

00:38:27.510 --> 00:38:29.909
is, dude, that shit, you ever heard Crystallized

00:38:29.909 --> 00:38:33.769
by some white woman? But it's badass. No words

00:38:33.769 --> 00:38:39.289
at all. Check it out. Yeah, I know that one.

00:38:41.510 --> 00:38:44.289
It's a great song, dude. Yeah, it sounded really

00:38:44.289 --> 00:38:46.050
good when you did it. I mean, it's pretty much,

00:38:46.070 --> 00:38:49.349
you know, how it sounds. I would love to be able

00:38:49.349 --> 00:38:51.610
to play the violin, but I don't think there's

00:38:51.610 --> 00:38:53.849
any skill. I've been really insecure about my

00:38:53.849 --> 00:38:58.980
whiteness lately. I'm not the upper. Put an applause

00:38:58.980 --> 00:39:04.199
for that. There you go, man. Thanks, guys. But

00:39:04.199 --> 00:39:06.880
I'm not the, when people look at me, when I look

00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:09.159
at myself in the mirror, I know that when other

00:39:09.159 --> 00:39:12.539
people see me, it's like I'm not the white that,

00:39:12.659 --> 00:39:15.820
like, I'm not the top tier white guy. Oh, no.

00:39:15.980 --> 00:39:19.159
Oh, God, no. Oh, no, you're at the, yeah, you

00:39:19.159 --> 00:39:22.320
grew up around where I, yeah, yeah. You're the

00:39:22.320 --> 00:39:26.440
poor white. Would I go places? People notice.

00:39:26.619 --> 00:39:29.280
You know what I mean? I meet people for the first

00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:32.039
time. I see, like, right when they look over

00:39:32.039 --> 00:39:34.340
for a split second, then their eyes kind of change

00:39:34.340 --> 00:39:36.860
a little bit. And I'm like, oh, okay. They know

00:39:36.860 --> 00:39:39.860
what's up. It's inescapable. I feel like for

00:39:39.860 --> 00:39:42.800
a while I was on the cusp. Like, I had the path

00:39:42.800 --> 00:39:45.880
to choose. And then I just wasn't, you know.

00:39:45.960 --> 00:39:50.820
Yeah. But, like, you could be great. Morgan Wallen

00:39:50.820 --> 00:39:52.539
was like, you know, he's the same kind of white

00:39:52.539 --> 00:39:55.750
as you. Yeah, dude, but he's not. doing the greatest

00:39:55.750 --> 00:39:58.449
i mean like yes he's successful his career you

00:39:58.449 --> 00:40:01.789
know but like he's spazzing he's throwing chairs

00:40:01.789 --> 00:40:04.690
off the bars and i mean he's having a good time

00:40:04.690 --> 00:40:07.190
is what i'm hearing he's calling people the n

00:40:07.190 --> 00:40:10.329
-word it does it a lot and uh he walked off setting

00:40:10.329 --> 00:40:12.250
in live you see that yeah what was that about

00:40:12.250 --> 00:40:14.710
he said he was going back to god's country i

00:40:14.710 --> 00:40:17.690
love how people like people like let's go back

00:40:17.690 --> 00:40:19.690
to god country and you're hitting you hit women

00:40:19.690 --> 00:40:22.619
throwing This is what God would have wanted.

00:40:22.780 --> 00:40:26.360
Racial slurs, drunk, tear off the balcony. But

00:40:26.360 --> 00:40:29.500
I do see, I guarantee, like, New York and L .A.

00:40:29.579 --> 00:40:30.920
and these type of places, for somebody who's

00:40:30.920 --> 00:40:33.719
from the South, it's such a shock to you. Yeah.

00:40:33.739 --> 00:40:35.420
You know what I mean? Like, there's over here

00:40:35.420 --> 00:40:37.719
a gay four in a Caton. It's just right in front

00:40:37.719 --> 00:40:41.440
of us. Yeah. I guarantee that's what most of

00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:44.860
it is. It's definitely. Anytime they're talking

00:40:44.860 --> 00:40:47.780
about that, they're talking about gay. And it's

00:40:47.780 --> 00:40:49.559
like one line. You know, it's only one line in

00:40:49.559 --> 00:40:52.800
the Bible. Oh, you know about the Bible, don't

00:40:52.800 --> 00:40:55.059
you? Oh, dude, I know all about the Bible. I

00:40:55.059 --> 00:40:57.500
don't get why they harp on that one. But they

00:40:57.500 --> 00:40:59.320
say you also can't eat shrimp, but who's not

00:40:59.320 --> 00:41:00.900
at fucking hibachi getting shrimp thrown in their

00:41:00.900 --> 00:41:02.980
mouth? Not me, dude. Yeah, you're not. Not me.

00:41:03.139 --> 00:41:05.739
You did. I'm a Christian. He's a Christian. We'll

00:41:05.739 --> 00:41:10.460
see, dude. God -fearing man. God -fearing? You

00:41:10.460 --> 00:41:12.920
never heard that phrase? No, man. I'm like getting

00:41:12.920 --> 00:41:15.639
back in there. I'm about to go. You never heard

00:41:15.639 --> 00:41:19.039
the phrase God -fearing man? No, man. What's

00:41:19.039 --> 00:41:21.889
that? It's just a... A person who fears God.

00:41:21.989 --> 00:41:23.690
Like, I'm a God -fearing, so I want to do right.

00:41:23.989 --> 00:41:28.909
Yeah, like a reverence. Yeah. Okay. So, cool.

00:41:29.050 --> 00:41:31.969
Okay. All right. But you don't fear him. No,

00:41:31.969 --> 00:41:34.769
man. I'm like, hey, he's here. And I'm very happy

00:41:34.769 --> 00:41:38.050
for him to be here. Yeah. So you don't fear him.

00:41:38.070 --> 00:41:40.429
You just... Yeah, man. I'm there. And I'm glad

00:41:40.429 --> 00:41:44.389
he's here. And thank you for this world. Yeah.

00:41:44.809 --> 00:41:47.789
Yep. I'll tell you, I'm finna start going back

00:41:47.789 --> 00:41:50.010
to church. We're gonna learn about this. You

00:41:50.010 --> 00:41:51.869
can come with me and my grandma. Yeah, you know

00:41:51.869 --> 00:41:54.190
what I mean? Did you go to that? Well, no, it's

00:41:54.190 --> 00:41:58.289
because she's gone. Let's go. Beast, dude. What

00:41:58.289 --> 00:42:01.429
church you go to, man? Let's go down there. Church

00:42:01.429 --> 00:42:03.090
in Huntsville. It's probably close to your house,

00:42:03.150 --> 00:42:04.969
actually. Really? I'm thinking about it, yeah.

00:42:05.530 --> 00:42:07.849
Okay. Well, we're all down there, man. We'll

00:42:07.849 --> 00:42:11.829
check it out. Are there any? Oh, yeah. Oh, there

00:42:11.829 --> 00:42:17.250
is? That's a good amount. I mean, you know. Good

00:42:17.250 --> 00:42:18.989
amount. Makes you feel comfortable. What are

00:42:18.989 --> 00:42:21.409
we talking about? Two families? Three? Five.

00:42:21.570 --> 00:42:25.929
Well, if you put them together, probably two.

00:42:26.570 --> 00:42:29.650
Oh, okay. I was playing. I don't know. I shouldn't

00:42:29.650 --> 00:42:31.909
have said that. That's good. That's good. There's

00:42:31.909 --> 00:42:35.130
diversity. There is. Yeah. So you won't feel

00:42:35.130 --> 00:42:38.789
out of place. No. No, dude. They're going to

00:42:38.789 --> 00:42:44.269
love you. They're going to love you, dude. They're

00:42:44.269 --> 00:42:46.719
not going to be surprised, right? No, dude. You

00:42:46.719 --> 00:42:50.719
could probably be a deacon next week. You look

00:42:50.719 --> 00:42:52.420
like a deacon. I can see you being. You grow

00:42:52.420 --> 00:42:54.579
that mustache a little bit thicker, dog. Yeah,

00:42:54.579 --> 00:42:58.960
so deacons. You kind of look like Milchick. Milchick?

00:42:59.260 --> 00:43:01.659
You kind of look like Milchick from Severance.

00:43:02.599 --> 00:43:05.420
Milchick. I can see you being like Preacher Lawson's

00:43:05.420 --> 00:43:09.760
brother. Yeah. Deacon Lawson. Deacon Lawson.

00:43:10.079 --> 00:43:13.309
Holy shit. Right? All right, man, that's cool

00:43:13.309 --> 00:43:15.070
as hell. That could be your papa, right? That

00:43:15.070 --> 00:43:16.949
was what you were wearing to the barbecue. I

00:43:16.949 --> 00:43:19.050
mean, he's from Detroit. Wait, for real? Mm -hmm.

00:43:19.429 --> 00:43:21.869
Dude, he kind of does look like that. Yeah. That's

00:43:21.869 --> 00:43:24.010
wild. But he is gay, so he probably not. Is that

00:43:24.010 --> 00:43:26.190
Diddy in the fourth picture? The one right here?

00:43:26.329 --> 00:43:29.610
Yeah. No, that's him. It kind of looks like him.

00:43:29.610 --> 00:43:31.449
Yeah, it does look like Diddy. He's like here

00:43:31.449 --> 00:43:33.090
on the bottom. You can't even see a chin. Dude,

00:43:33.150 --> 00:43:35.730
I was at a Mexican restaurant the other night,

00:43:35.869 --> 00:43:40.050
and it was the Warriors playing the Lakers, I

00:43:40.050 --> 00:43:43.820
think. Okay. I can't remember who it was, but

00:43:43.820 --> 00:43:45.480
it was definitely the Warriors because they put

00:43:45.480 --> 00:43:48.320
the, no, it was the Nuggets, I think. And it

00:43:48.320 --> 00:43:50.780
was the starting lineups. Draymond Green is so

00:43:50.780 --> 00:43:53.880
fucking black, dude. In the lineup photo, it

00:43:53.880 --> 00:43:57.780
was jarring. It was such a contrast, like the

00:43:57.780 --> 00:44:01.340
all -white Nuggets. Look at him right there.

00:44:02.800 --> 00:44:06.119
That's the photo. That's the photo, dude. That's

00:44:06.119 --> 00:44:07.800
the photo from this year, I'm pretty sure, because

00:44:07.800 --> 00:44:10.000
he looks just, that's insane. And they tried

00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:19.199
right there. The saturation is at 100. That's

00:44:19.199 --> 00:44:21.039
crazy, dude. Yeah, man. That's your favorite

00:44:21.039 --> 00:44:23.579
team right there? No. I like the Grizzlies. He's

00:44:23.579 --> 00:44:25.639
a Memphis bang, bang, bang. What about you? What

00:44:25.639 --> 00:44:27.440
team do you like? Bulls, man. We suck, yeah.

00:44:27.539 --> 00:44:29.260
But we got Giddy. Yeah, he didn't do nothing

00:44:29.260 --> 00:44:31.659
wrong. We got Giddy. They hit that game winner

00:44:31.659 --> 00:44:34.320
on LeBron. Did you see that? Yeah. That was crazy.

00:44:34.599 --> 00:44:36.280
I mean, he's good, and he didn't do anything

00:44:36.280 --> 00:44:39.019
wrong, right? I mean, he was proven innocent

00:44:39.019 --> 00:44:40.659
in the court of law. That's all that matters.

00:44:40.860 --> 00:44:43.480
Yeah. That's all that matters. And now he's going

00:44:43.480 --> 00:44:45.949
to fucking... make a kajillion dollars, and hopefully

00:44:45.949 --> 00:44:48.389
bring us at least a playoff win. Goddamn, we

00:44:48.389 --> 00:44:51.829
can't do shit. The Bulls, they fucking, I remember

00:44:51.829 --> 00:44:53.929
when they signed Thaddeus Young to like $120

00:44:53.929 --> 00:44:56.550
million. What the fuck are we doing? Damn, man.

00:44:56.710 --> 00:44:58.949
That was like when the Heat gave Hassan Whiteside

00:44:58.949 --> 00:45:01.050
all that money. Yeah. And he just fell off the

00:45:01.050 --> 00:45:04.050
face of the earth. That playoff run, he was blocking

00:45:04.050 --> 00:45:05.690
the shit out of people, though. Yeah. He was

00:45:05.690 --> 00:45:08.269
throwing people shit left to right. Have you

00:45:08.269 --> 00:45:10.449
ever seen his Snapchat stories, like his old

00:45:10.449 --> 00:45:13.769
Snapchats? They're like on par with Josh Allen's

00:45:13.769 --> 00:45:15.789
old tweets. They're so funny, dude. What was

00:45:15.789 --> 00:45:20.210
Josh Allen saying? He was saying, talk about

00:45:20.210 --> 00:45:23.690
driving naked. Okay, yeah. There was one that

00:45:23.690 --> 00:45:27.389
was like, I like little boys something. Brennan.

00:45:27.550 --> 00:45:32.849
Nope. No. No. It's about the same age. Oh, no.

00:45:33.230 --> 00:45:35.769
He was a kid, too, when he posted that. Yeah.

00:45:35.889 --> 00:45:38.809
He was a kid. What year? This was like 2013.

00:45:39.170 --> 00:45:41.690
2013? I was 10 years old. Yeah, so that's prime

00:45:41.690 --> 00:45:44.510
for you. Damn, yeah, man. I felt old those years.

00:45:44.670 --> 00:45:47.250
I'll tell you that, though. You felt old when

00:45:47.250 --> 00:45:49.630
you were 10? Oh, man, dude. Yes. Is that the

00:45:49.630 --> 00:45:51.949
oldest you ever felt? No, I felt... The oldest

00:45:51.949 --> 00:45:53.889
I feel right now, honestly, man. I feel like

00:45:53.889 --> 00:45:58.050
I've aged... 30 damn years already. Yeah. I'm

00:45:58.050 --> 00:46:02.769
like, damn. He's right. He's right. He's 100

00:46:02.769 --> 00:46:05.570
% right. I remember the other day, I was like...

00:46:05.840 --> 00:46:07.760
At the Cards Against Men, they said I was talking

00:46:07.760 --> 00:46:10.480
to Travis. I was like, damn, man, I'm 22. I'm

00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:12.239
getting old. Everybody back there was so mad.

00:46:12.420 --> 00:46:13.880
They're like, dude, we in our 30s, bro. What

00:46:13.880 --> 00:46:16.239
are you talking about? And I was like, damn,

00:46:16.320 --> 00:46:17.739
they get mad. I tell this to people in their

00:46:17.739 --> 00:46:20.320
80s. I be like, man, I'm getting old, bro. They're

00:46:20.320 --> 00:46:26.940
like, on life support. I'm like, getting old,

00:46:27.079 --> 00:46:29.440
man. We getting up there. Like, man, I fucking

00:46:29.440 --> 00:46:31.800
hate you. He's up there on life support. They

00:46:31.800 --> 00:46:37.449
just fucking hate me. Well, you are. Yeah. Yeah,

00:46:37.510 --> 00:46:40.409
I am. Growing man, doing growing man things.

00:46:40.630 --> 00:46:44.670
Yeah, 22. Mm -hmm. It's bad. And I'm going to

00:46:44.670 --> 00:46:48.469
be in my 30s. One day. Basically dead. Basically

00:46:48.469 --> 00:46:52.369
fucking dead. And 40s, oh shit. 50s, oh man,

00:46:52.510 --> 00:46:54.389
what are we going to do then? What are you? What

00:46:54.389 --> 00:46:55.389
do you think you're going to be doing in your

00:46:55.389 --> 00:46:58.050
50s? Man, hopefully I'm retired. Hopefully I'm

00:46:58.050 --> 00:47:01.670
retired and living life. At 50? Maybe 56, 58.

00:47:01.929 --> 00:47:05.050
Probably. I hope. Yeah. Man, I hope. When do

00:47:05.050 --> 00:47:06.750
you think you're going to draw Social Security?

00:47:06.750 --> 00:47:09.309
At what age? Social Security? What is that? You

00:47:09.309 --> 00:47:11.610
can do it at like, well, it's like a supplemental

00:47:11.610 --> 00:47:15.409
income check you get for being old. Really? You're

00:47:15.409 --> 00:47:17.889
paying it right now. It comes out of your paycheck.

00:47:18.030 --> 00:47:21.809
Oh, shit. When can you take it out? What do you

00:47:21.809 --> 00:47:26.769
think? What, like 50? It's 56? 65, right? Yeah,

00:47:26.789 --> 00:47:29.949
there it is. It's that one, okay. You can do

00:47:29.949 --> 00:47:34.269
it at 62, 65, or 67, or 68, or something. And

00:47:34.269 --> 00:47:36.570
you get it for just a little bit longer? You

00:47:36.570 --> 00:47:39.150
get more money if you wait longer. If you wait,

00:47:39.190 --> 00:47:41.190
yeah. I feel like I'm going to be crippled at

00:47:41.190 --> 00:47:43.889
65, so we need to hurry this up. Do you have

00:47:43.889 --> 00:47:45.409
an affliction right now that would make you think

00:47:45.409 --> 00:47:46.750
you're going to be good? No, no, I just do a

00:47:46.750 --> 00:47:49.090
lot of stuff. Like, any moment, if something

00:47:49.090 --> 00:47:51.730
could hit the sidewalk. You know what I mean?

00:47:51.829 --> 00:47:56.550
Like when you raise Dom. Huh? What if you were

00:47:56.550 --> 00:47:58.389
crippled from that moment on? That would have

00:47:58.389 --> 00:48:00.269
been a horrible way to... Yeah, man, what happened

00:48:00.269 --> 00:48:02.050
to you? Oh, man, I tried to race and I acted

00:48:02.050 --> 00:48:03.869
like we were in a wrestling match and flinched

00:48:03.869 --> 00:48:05.809
and then hit the ground and I hit my head wrong.

00:48:06.130 --> 00:48:09.070
And now I can't even say my name right. What's

00:48:09.070 --> 00:48:10.530
your name? You're going to say all that. No,

00:48:10.550 --> 00:48:13.570
no, I probably... No, I'd have a translator.

00:48:13.570 --> 00:48:16.329
It'd probably be something much different. You

00:48:16.329 --> 00:48:18.690
know what I mean? A translator? I don't think

00:48:18.690 --> 00:48:22.150
anybody understands that. I'd be back there making

00:48:22.150 --> 00:48:25.679
different noises. Dude, how cool. Have you ever

00:48:25.679 --> 00:48:28.320
seen that, like, the Australian guy who was playing

00:48:28.320 --> 00:48:30.019
soccer? Somebody kicked him in the head and he

00:48:30.019 --> 00:48:33.480
woke up speaking Chinese? No. What if Brandon

00:48:33.480 --> 00:48:36.579
did that? Dude, if he spoke Chinese, dude, we're

00:48:36.579 --> 00:48:38.519
going over there making a gajillion dollars.

00:48:38.719 --> 00:48:41.420
Speed is doing that right now. I show Speed is

00:48:41.420 --> 00:48:44.679
over there in China making crazy money. And he's

00:48:44.679 --> 00:48:47.300
doing good propaganda for them. Oh, dude. And

00:48:47.300 --> 00:48:48.280
that's what you want. And he was dancing with

00:48:48.280 --> 00:48:51.019
that robot. Man. Shit. That's just, that's what

00:48:51.019 --> 00:48:53.159
people want to see. And he recreated that Karate

00:48:53.159 --> 00:48:55.599
Kid scene. Then they tried to get him KFC, and

00:48:55.599 --> 00:48:58.940
when he opened it, it was just a banana. Yeah,

00:48:59.000 --> 00:48:59.960
that is... That really happened? They passed

00:48:59.960 --> 00:49:02.219
it to him through the window, and he opened it

00:49:02.219 --> 00:49:06.199
in his car. And he was so mad, too. Are you fucking...

00:49:06.199 --> 00:49:08.619
The people in Sweden or Norway or something,

00:49:08.659 --> 00:49:10.380
like, ripped his hair out and sold it. I've seen

00:49:10.380 --> 00:49:12.199
that. I've seen that when they got a dread out

00:49:12.199 --> 00:49:14.519
of there, yeah. People in other countries wild

00:49:14.519 --> 00:49:16.860
the fuck out. They don't give a fuck. Like, I

00:49:16.860 --> 00:49:20.389
almost moved to Korea. I almost did. No, not

00:49:20.389 --> 00:49:22.070
Korea, my bad. Was it Korea? No, it was Japan.

00:49:22.329 --> 00:49:23.610
Oh, it was because, like, my dad back in the

00:49:23.610 --> 00:49:25.909
day, he was like, he had a job opportunity and

00:49:25.909 --> 00:49:27.489
never went through. But they were like, I remember

00:49:27.489 --> 00:49:29.210
I was going, my mom was like, she was like, you'll

00:49:29.210 --> 00:49:31.150
finally be able to fit in, son. You'll be tall.

00:49:31.429 --> 00:49:33.550
I was like, oh, for real? Because you remember

00:49:33.550 --> 00:49:36.610
I didn't fit in back in those days. Yeah, you

00:49:36.610 --> 00:49:42.190
would fit in great in Japan. Nobody was, like,

00:49:42.289 --> 00:49:45.250
seamless transition. You know, I tried to learn

00:49:45.250 --> 00:49:49.000
Korean. What'd you get? Huh? I don't know. I

00:49:49.000 --> 00:49:51.360
got on Duolingo. Yeah, let's go a little bit.

00:49:51.539 --> 00:49:53.480
No, I don't remember. I don't remember anything.

00:49:53.880 --> 00:49:56.539
None of it? No. What do you think it would be?

00:49:56.780 --> 00:50:00.019
French. What's assiable? That means like toilet,

00:50:00.139 --> 00:50:02.300
sit down, right? Assiable? That's what you learned.

00:50:02.539 --> 00:50:03.960
Yeah, that's all I learned. Was that the first

00:50:03.960 --> 00:50:07.579
thing you looked up? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good

00:50:07.579 --> 00:50:11.179
question. The baños. I know that one. What's

00:50:11.179 --> 00:50:13.400
baños? What's that? That's bathroom in Spanish.

00:50:13.579 --> 00:50:17.110
Oh, wow, man. Or toilet. Banos? I'm going to

00:50:17.110 --> 00:50:19.929
fucking Mexico in like a month. They might not

00:50:19.929 --> 00:50:22.130
let you back in. That's the way things are going

00:50:22.130 --> 00:50:26.130
right now, dude. Dude, if I lost my fucking passport

00:50:26.130 --> 00:50:28.010
over there, it's over with. Nobody's going to

00:50:28.010 --> 00:50:32.010
fucking believe me. I am like six foot tall.

00:50:32.010 --> 00:50:34.530
And I might not be able to vouch for you. I might

00:50:34.530 --> 00:50:36.989
not be able to vouch for you. If I saw you in

00:50:36.989 --> 00:50:40.550
a lineup. Well, that kind of looks like him.

00:50:40.989 --> 00:50:43.289
Shit. I don't even think they let me do it. Wait

00:50:43.289 --> 00:50:49.880
till one of them burps. Then we can know. Yeah,

00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:52.059
man. Spanish, too. I tried to. I was in Spanish

00:50:52.059 --> 00:50:56.500
class. What'd you get? Oh, man, I failed, bro,

00:50:56.519 --> 00:50:58.519
because she thought I knew it already. And then,

00:50:58.539 --> 00:50:59.719
like, you would always say just speak Spanish.

00:50:59.719 --> 00:51:01.079
You looked Dominican. Is that what you said?

00:51:01.099 --> 00:51:03.280
I don't know. She just speaks Spanish. Were you

00:51:03.280 --> 00:51:05.840
wearing the pants? Tight pants? Yeah, I was,

00:51:05.860 --> 00:51:08.719
man, at that time. Yeah. And she was just, like,

00:51:08.780 --> 00:51:10.480
she would speak it and then be like, so what?

00:51:10.820 --> 00:51:13.789
You do a sentence. And I'd be like. I don't know.

00:51:14.369 --> 00:51:17.429
I failed. She was mad at me. She didn't like

00:51:17.429 --> 00:51:20.670
me. Just because I didn't know. We should do

00:51:20.670 --> 00:51:23.489
that skit. What? Where you're trying to get back

00:51:23.489 --> 00:51:25.269
into the country. Oh, yeah. And you're in like

00:51:25.269 --> 00:51:29.510
a lineup. And it would be like, I'm going to

00:51:29.510 --> 00:51:32.190
ask you guys a question only Dom would know.

00:51:32.349 --> 00:51:34.590
How many calories are in three Uncrustables?

00:51:35.859 --> 00:51:38.639
If they hesitated at all, I'd be like, not them,

00:51:38.639 --> 00:51:40.739
dude. We got to get Mexicans who don't look anything

00:51:40.739 --> 00:51:44.260
like me at all. Are you saying, and I'm like,

00:51:44.260 --> 00:51:47.320
dude, it's me. Or like Argentinians, like messy,

00:51:47.400 --> 00:51:50.679
who are just white, like look white. I don't

00:51:50.679 --> 00:51:53.280
know. And I'm like standing right next to Dom.

00:51:54.059 --> 00:51:56.320
The funniest thing is like Kat might not know.

00:51:58.639 --> 00:52:01.280
Hey, Pat might not know for real. What? If we

00:52:01.280 --> 00:52:04.400
put you in a lineup of Mexicans. You know, John,

00:52:04.679 --> 00:52:06.920
my boy, he's Puerto Rican. Yeah. And he was over

00:52:06.920 --> 00:52:09.380
here talking, and Pat was talking, and Pat was

00:52:09.380 --> 00:52:11.980
like, goddamn Puerto Ricans, they get deported.

00:52:12.159 --> 00:52:15.199
And then I was like, you know, I'm like, he's

00:52:15.199 --> 00:52:17.059
Puerto Rican, and, you know, they're American

00:52:17.059 --> 00:52:19.099
citizens. He's like, why the fuck Trump trying

00:52:19.099 --> 00:52:22.099
to deport them? And I was like, he's not. He's

00:52:22.099 --> 00:52:24.579
deporting Mexicans. And then he was like, same

00:52:24.579 --> 00:52:28.559
thing. I was like, no. And he legit. and probably

00:52:28.559 --> 00:52:31.340
still right now, had no idea that Puerto Rican

00:52:31.340 --> 00:52:33.860
and Mexicans were different. Wow, man. Did you

00:52:33.860 --> 00:52:35.820
know that, Brandon? Oh, yes, definitely. Yeah,

00:52:35.820 --> 00:52:39.300
so you knew. A million percent. Right in front

00:52:39.300 --> 00:52:40.940
of a Puerto Rican to say that to is wild. That's

00:52:40.940 --> 00:52:44.119
crazy as hell. I always knew I liked Pat. He's

00:52:44.119 --> 00:52:46.119
got the world figured out. He's doing a lot of

00:52:46.119 --> 00:52:47.940
good things right now. He's doing a lot of good

00:52:47.940 --> 00:52:51.579
things right now with his new job. Yeah. I don't

00:52:51.579 --> 00:52:53.420
know if we can say it, but he's taking care of

00:52:53.420 --> 00:52:57.059
underprivileged youth. It's like X -Men, man.

00:52:57.280 --> 00:52:59.500
Just put it like that. Actually, he is just like

00:52:59.500 --> 00:53:02.699
X -Man. X -Man in that school. Pat would be the

00:53:02.699 --> 00:53:06.400
blob. You said what? Pat would be the blob. The

00:53:06.400 --> 00:53:09.699
X -Man, the blob. Oh, man, yeah. He just, I mean,

00:53:09.719 --> 00:53:12.800
your heart is halfway there now. Yeah. Brandon

00:53:12.800 --> 00:53:15.139
would be Professor X because he was talking about

00:53:15.139 --> 00:53:17.039
being crippled earlier. Yeah. That's what will

00:53:17.039 --> 00:53:20.019
cripple you. And he's older, too, so. Yeah, he's

00:53:20.019 --> 00:53:23.099
old. And you're always the oldest. You always

00:53:23.099 --> 00:53:26.059
feel the oldest. Right now, right? Like, dude,

00:53:26.119 --> 00:53:27.559
I always click with old people. Like, that gym,

00:53:27.659 --> 00:53:29.480
man, other than y 'all, the only people I hang

00:53:29.480 --> 00:53:31.440
out with or talk to at that gym is people over

00:53:31.440 --> 00:53:36.340
60. I believe that. I do, too. Because I know

00:53:36.340 --> 00:53:39.019
I can see the people you're talking about. Do

00:53:39.019 --> 00:53:41.260
you go in the shower room whenever they're in

00:53:41.260 --> 00:53:43.760
there? Because people over 60 do not wear towels

00:53:43.760 --> 00:53:45.980
in the gym. You know what's crazy? That's how

00:53:45.980 --> 00:53:49.909
we meet in the locker room, man. I was watching

00:53:49.909 --> 00:53:51.489
you over there. You doing good? How the hell?

00:53:51.849 --> 00:53:54.130
Yeah, man. We're cool, man. Why he's in the nude?

00:53:54.449 --> 00:53:56.469
Well, no, thankfully he had on, like, pants.

00:53:56.750 --> 00:53:59.750
Okay, so they're never in the nude when you're

00:53:59.750 --> 00:54:02.130
talking to them? They're old dudes, man. I've

00:54:02.130 --> 00:54:04.210
been to a gym before. I've only seen one person

00:54:04.210 --> 00:54:06.989
in the nude, and I don't have to worry about

00:54:06.989 --> 00:54:08.590
that because there's a couple, there's other

00:54:08.590 --> 00:54:10.849
guys right there next to them, so that's good.

00:54:12.469 --> 00:54:16.329
You know what I mean, right? Uh -uh. Like, uh...

00:54:16.759 --> 00:54:20.900
Like, he goes in there, and it's like he's nude,

00:54:21.099 --> 00:54:23.079
so I don't have to worry about that because he's

00:54:23.079 --> 00:54:26.320
already taken. Oh. Because the other person's

00:54:26.320 --> 00:54:29.699
right there nude, too. His lover? Yes. Or spouse?

00:54:29.880 --> 00:54:32.139
Yes. Are they having gay sex at the gym? Yeah,

00:54:32.139 --> 00:54:34.139
how do you know? Well, because I take a shower

00:54:34.139 --> 00:54:36.639
in the gym, so. And you had sex with somebody?

00:54:36.800 --> 00:54:38.980
No, no. No, it's like when I come out, they're

00:54:38.980 --> 00:54:40.860
already done, so I'm like, oh, okay. They showered

00:54:40.860 --> 00:54:44.159
together. Oh, I don't know, man. I just come

00:54:44.159 --> 00:54:51.280
in when they're done. I'm switching gyms. I just

00:54:51.280 --> 00:54:53.019
come in and I'm like, oh, they're already done.

00:54:53.079 --> 00:54:56.219
That's good. What do you mean done? Done with

00:54:56.219 --> 00:55:00.880
the showers. Now they're just naked in the locker

00:55:00.880 --> 00:55:03.920
room. Are they older? No, man. They're like in

00:55:03.920 --> 00:55:08.500
their 30s. I mean, I guess old. Brandon, why

00:55:08.500 --> 00:55:10.960
are you waiting outside the bathroom? I'm waiting

00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:13.800
for the gays to finish showering. No, man. I

00:55:13.800 --> 00:55:16.250
just come in. It's weird. It's like the time

00:55:16.250 --> 00:55:18.510
is just perfect because I come in there and everybody's

00:55:18.510 --> 00:55:20.449
already done. So that's just when I come in.

00:55:20.969 --> 00:55:23.329
There's no obligation to just wait and be like,

00:55:23.409 --> 00:55:25.849
man, I ain't going in there. No, I just go in

00:55:25.849 --> 00:55:29.590
there. They're done. And that's the only one

00:55:29.590 --> 00:55:31.769
you saw nude. Yeah, everybody else brings their

00:55:31.769 --> 00:55:34.269
underwear in there like I do. Because I go in

00:55:34.269 --> 00:55:35.489
there and put my underwear in there and when

00:55:35.489 --> 00:55:37.130
I'm done, I just put that in and come out like

00:55:37.130 --> 00:55:39.269
that. I'm not just going to walk around fatale.

00:55:39.719 --> 00:55:42.039
Everybody in there talk about life. Usually it's

00:55:42.039 --> 00:55:44.800
older than 30s. I mean, it's usually about like

00:55:44.800 --> 00:55:47.559
60s when they start. You would think, but they

00:55:47.559 --> 00:55:51.420
strap up too, man. I've never had a conversation

00:55:51.420 --> 00:55:54.119
with them and their junk was up. And I appreciate

00:55:54.119 --> 00:55:56.800
that. That's good. That's a good old man. Yeah,

00:55:56.840 --> 00:56:00.940
man. And we just talk about life and games. What

00:56:00.940 --> 00:56:03.539
kind of games? Oh, just boxing and stuff. Because

00:56:03.539 --> 00:56:05.500
he likes boxing, so we just talk about boxing.

00:56:07.619 --> 00:56:09.900
What do you think about that, JJ? I never heard

00:56:09.900 --> 00:56:15.920
of boxing as a game, but I do like that. Yeah,

00:56:15.920 --> 00:56:19.840
man. I've never once talked to any of the old

00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:21.980
people at the gym, man. Really? That's because

00:56:21.980 --> 00:56:23.599
they talked to me, so I'd just be like, hell

00:56:23.599 --> 00:56:25.539
yeah, man, and then we became cool. Yeah, they

00:56:25.539 --> 00:56:29.320
never talked to me. Going back to not being one

00:56:29.320 --> 00:56:31.179
of the good whites, they'd rather talk to Brandon

00:56:31.179 --> 00:56:34.699
than me. It's just fucked up. It's not a roast

00:56:34.699 --> 00:56:36.960
on you, it's a roast on me. Yeah, they're cool.

00:56:37.440 --> 00:56:39.619
The only time I reached out to somebody, I saw

00:56:39.619 --> 00:56:41.260
a police officer changing, and I was just asking

00:56:41.260 --> 00:56:44.539
advice. I've seen that guy. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah,

00:56:44.579 --> 00:56:46.079
I remember I just pulled him over. He's a good

00:56:46.079 --> 00:56:48.420
dude, man. You pulled him over? What the fuck?

00:56:48.440 --> 00:56:51.000
Hold on. Go ahead. So I just walk in the locker

00:56:51.000 --> 00:56:52.599
room. He's there. I'm like, oh, hey, man. I just

00:56:52.599 --> 00:56:54.380
need some advice on workout skills and stuff.

00:56:55.139 --> 00:56:56.920
I'm trying to get up in there. Brandon walks

00:56:56.920 --> 00:56:58.579
in. He's like, oh, what kind of gun is this?

00:57:02.099 --> 00:57:04.900
I feel like I'd get shot if I did that. What

00:57:04.900 --> 00:57:07.460
kind of what? Stop. You without a doubt would

00:57:07.460 --> 00:57:10.260
get shot. Exactly. Into the clip on you. Yeah,

00:57:10.280 --> 00:57:12.159
I'm just getting ready to take a shower. But

00:57:12.159 --> 00:57:14.139
he talks to you now, right? Oh, yeah. He'll let

00:57:14.139 --> 00:57:17.400
you twirl that gun around your finger. In the

00:57:17.400 --> 00:57:20.820
locker room? Without a doubt. If you tell him,

00:57:20.920 --> 00:57:23.219
hey, can I hold your gun? He will, without a

00:57:23.219 --> 00:57:24.559
doubt, let you hold his gun. And that's what's

00:57:24.559 --> 00:57:28.199
up, man. That's good. Probably wouldn't even

00:57:28.199 --> 00:57:33.829
unload it. Shit, man. Ask him next time. You

00:57:33.829 --> 00:57:37.289
want to do it with me? Can I do a routine inspection

00:57:37.289 --> 00:57:39.809
on your service weapon? Yeah. And then he's going

00:57:39.809 --> 00:57:43.769
to pull down his pants. And once you're at that

00:57:43.769 --> 00:57:45.909
point, Brandon. You just got to run out that

00:57:45.909 --> 00:57:48.409
way. Go for the gun. That's when you go for the

00:57:48.409 --> 00:57:50.630
gun. Yeah. I'd be like, this is not right, man.

00:57:50.650 --> 00:57:55.449
I didn't want this. Damn. Sometimes you get what

00:57:55.449 --> 00:57:59.690
you don't want. Yeah, man. You're exactly right.

00:57:59.889 --> 00:58:02.199
That right? Locker rooms are crazy, man. I'll

00:58:02.199 --> 00:58:03.760
tell you where to stay away from right now, dude.

00:58:04.659 --> 00:58:06.599
Huh? Where you need to stay away from right now

00:58:06.599 --> 00:58:09.159
are track and field competitions. Why, what's

00:58:09.159 --> 00:58:10.559
that? Have you not seen that thing where that

00:58:10.559 --> 00:58:13.199
guy stabbed that other guy? What? Oh, yeah, I've

00:58:13.199 --> 00:58:14.780
seen that. And then there was the one where the

00:58:14.780 --> 00:58:16.639
girl was running and hit the other girl with

00:58:16.639 --> 00:58:18.820
the baton on the back of the head and fractured

00:58:18.820 --> 00:58:21.300
her skull. Dude, what the fuck is going on at

00:58:21.300 --> 00:58:23.760
the track meets, man? What, like schools and

00:58:23.760 --> 00:58:27.000
stuff? Yeah. Why'd they kill the... They said

00:58:27.000 --> 00:58:28.380
he tried to make her move his seat or something.

00:58:28.639 --> 00:58:31.949
Well, I've seen two different... Oh, is that

00:58:31.949 --> 00:58:35.750
Hassan Whiteside? Nice. I've seen two different

00:58:35.750 --> 00:58:41.110
sides of it. The guy, his name is Carmelo Anthony,

00:58:41.429 --> 00:58:43.489
not the basketball player who just made the Hall

00:58:43.489 --> 00:58:46.010
of Fame. High schooler named Carmelo Anthony.

00:58:46.550 --> 00:58:52.710
And he stabbed this guy and people, he killed

00:58:52.710 --> 00:58:55.489
him. They're real upset about it. But then they're

00:58:55.489 --> 00:58:58.710
also saying those two guys were trying to jump

00:58:58.710 --> 00:59:02.260
him because it was a dude, The dude he stabbed

00:59:02.260 --> 00:59:04.559
had a twin brother, and they were, like, known

00:59:04.559 --> 00:59:07.000
bullies and stuff. And they were trying to—they

00:59:07.000 --> 00:59:08.539
were saying that they were trying to jump this

00:59:08.539 --> 00:59:10.260
guy, and he stabbed him out of self -defense.

00:59:10.800 --> 00:59:14.239
But I don't know. So it's up in the air whether

00:59:14.239 --> 00:59:16.639
it's self -defense or not. I think most people

00:59:16.639 --> 00:59:18.780
are like, he needs to go to jail because— Oh,

00:59:18.780 --> 00:59:20.019
yeah, he still can't stab. Even if they were

00:59:20.019 --> 00:59:22.619
bullies, you can't stab. But I don't know. I

00:59:22.619 --> 00:59:25.400
don't know, you know. Mainstream media, dude,

00:59:25.500 --> 00:59:27.570
you can't trust it. Can't trust it anymore. This

00:59:27.570 --> 00:59:29.369
might have been an AI -generated thing. Where

00:59:29.369 --> 00:59:31.489
you get the truth from is Truth Social. And if

00:59:31.489 --> 00:59:33.849
you can look that up, we can probably get the

00:59:33.849 --> 00:59:37.210
truth there. Is that a website or an app? I think

00:59:37.210 --> 00:59:39.210
it's an app. Okay, never mind. I only have Truth

00:59:39.210 --> 00:59:42.449
Social and Blue Sky. Hold on. Go back one. Hold

00:59:42.449 --> 00:59:46.429
up. Where was you just at? Right here. I thought

00:59:46.429 --> 00:59:48.349
it said Niggerdale or something. Oh, my God.

00:59:48.429 --> 00:59:52.110
Is that not what it said? Wait, right here? What

00:59:52.110 --> 00:59:56.949
the fuck? Am I tripping? In the woodpile. What

00:59:56.949 --> 01:00:00.929
is in the woodpile? You know, the guy. You see

01:00:00.929 --> 01:00:02.969
what I'm saying? I knew I wasn't... There's some

01:00:02.969 --> 01:00:05.369
propaganda right here. This is some sort of political

01:00:05.369 --> 01:00:08.090
cartoon, I feel like. Go to that list. What does

01:00:08.090 --> 01:00:10.690
that say, Brandon? What, right here? No, the

01:00:10.690 --> 01:00:14.510
one you were just on. Right here? Yeah. It says

01:00:14.510 --> 01:00:18.829
die, niggas die, but with the E -R. It look like

01:00:18.829 --> 01:00:20.590
Cam Patterson a little bit. I saw that, dude.

01:00:20.769 --> 01:00:23.010
In a white t -shirt. I swear to God, it looks

01:00:23.010 --> 01:00:25.250
chill. I thought that was Youngboy. I thought

01:00:25.250 --> 01:00:26.949
that was an album cover. I was like, this is

01:00:26.949 --> 01:00:29.909
fucked up. Who's that guy in the top right? I

01:00:29.909 --> 01:00:31.909
want to know more about him. Right here? The

01:00:31.909 --> 01:00:36.269
right. Oh, him. Young Buck? No. No, not Young

01:00:36.269 --> 01:00:38.369
Buck. Not that guy. Oh, you're talking about,

01:00:38.429 --> 01:00:40.929
oh, shit, I came from nothing, Young Buck. Yeah,

01:00:40.949 --> 01:00:44.070
that is you. I like that song. I never heard

01:00:44.070 --> 01:00:48.030
that. I like the name of that song. That's fun.

01:00:48.630 --> 01:00:51.409
No. I don't know why this was up. Maybe it was

01:00:51.409 --> 01:00:53.630
something. Yeah, because I remember we were talking

01:00:53.630 --> 01:00:56.250
about that Bush thing. Oh, yeah, the Bush video.

01:00:56.289 --> 01:00:58.769
This is what popped up. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

01:00:59.010 --> 01:01:00.250
Because I see a list right there. Let's see what

01:01:00.250 --> 01:01:03.730
that list is right by the G. Right here? Nope.

01:01:03.789 --> 01:01:04.829
The list right next to it. Oh, you're talking

01:01:04.829 --> 01:01:06.429
about right here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh -huh.

01:01:06.570 --> 01:01:08.469
I can't remember. N -words in the White House?

01:01:08.690 --> 01:01:11.750
Things at the White House. Brandon, you... Yeah,

01:01:11.849 --> 01:01:14.130
I can... Look at... It said niggas in the White

01:01:14.130 --> 01:01:16.190
House. That's not what it says. I know it says

01:01:16.190 --> 01:01:20.300
the, uh... Errs in the White House. Yeah, okay,

01:01:20.400 --> 01:01:23.179
say errs. Errs in the White House. Yeah. Things

01:01:23.179 --> 01:01:26.599
at the White House. Looking nightly. This is

01:01:26.599 --> 01:01:28.460
blurry as shit. Is this a song? I don't know

01:01:28.460 --> 01:01:30.400
what's happening. Brandon, please click on this

01:01:30.400 --> 01:01:32.880
Wikipedia page, dude. Yeah. This is a song. This

01:01:32.880 --> 01:01:35.699
is wild as hell. Oh, my God. Oh, it's real. Oh,

01:01:35.820 --> 01:01:38.519
shit, it's a poem. Oh, it's a poem. It says,

01:01:38.519 --> 01:01:40.059
look at the White House. And you have to read

01:01:40.059 --> 01:01:42.019
it home, Brandon, before we start. Read this

01:01:42.019 --> 01:01:43.599
whole poem, but you have to read it word for

01:01:43.599 --> 01:01:45.900
word because it takes away from it if you don't.

01:01:46.300 --> 01:01:49.820
So let's go. Okay, this is wild as hell. All

01:01:49.820 --> 01:01:53.119
right, things at the White House. Nope. It does

01:01:53.119 --> 01:01:56.699
say things. It does say things. Dom can't read.

01:01:56.760 --> 01:01:58.840
I know, I can't see the lights. We've already

01:01:58.840 --> 01:02:01.320
seen the title. Things at the White House. Looking

01:02:01.320 --> 01:02:06.880
mighty curious. Niggas. This is wild as hell.

01:02:07.320 --> 01:02:10.900
Running everything. White people furious. Why'd

01:02:10.900 --> 01:02:14.119
they have to say that? Nick Gers. On the front

01:02:14.119 --> 01:02:16.300
porch. This is fucking wild. There's so many

01:02:16.300 --> 01:02:19.280
of them, bruh. I gotta start saying errs, bruh.

01:02:19.340 --> 01:02:21.940
I'm sorry. Okay, okay. Errs on the front porch.

01:02:22.239 --> 01:02:26.139
Errs on the gravel. No, gable. Errs in the dining

01:02:26.139 --> 01:02:28.679
room. Errs at the table. Errs in the sitting

01:02:28.679 --> 01:02:32.449
room. Blinking all the talk. Urz in the ballroom

01:02:32.449 --> 01:02:36.030
doing cakewalk. Urz in the east room making a

01:02:36.030 --> 01:02:39.170
mighty throng. Urz in the music room singing...

01:02:39.170 --> 01:02:47.789
Coon songs. Urz in the hallway taking off their

01:02:47.789 --> 01:02:50.510
wraps. Urz in the billboard room shooting game

01:02:50.510 --> 01:02:54.019
off craps. It's got some bars, huh? Mm -hmm.

01:02:55.280 --> 01:03:14.960
What the fuck is that? Sati? I can't see for

01:03:14.960 --> 01:03:17.590
real. Satiety? I just can't see it. We're just

01:03:17.590 --> 01:03:19.650
going to say society. Errs in the blues room,

01:03:19.690 --> 01:03:22.349
a symbol for society. Errs in the front yard,

01:03:22.570 --> 01:03:28.030
errs in the back. Errs in a bus. This must be

01:03:28.030 --> 01:03:31.190
some 19th century stuff. Errs coming back. Oh,

01:03:31.329 --> 01:03:34.329
they go to Washington with a mighty rush. 40

01:03:34.329 --> 01:03:38.289
,000 errs getting in the bush. Push. There is...

01:03:38.670 --> 01:03:41.090
There is trouble in the White House. More than

01:03:41.090 --> 01:03:43.710
you can tell. Errs. Wait, no, that's not even

01:03:43.710 --> 01:03:46.309
that. Yelling like wild men. Wow. Errs raising

01:03:46.309 --> 01:03:49.510
bells. I see a way to settle it just as clear

01:03:49.510 --> 01:03:53.610
as water. Let Mr. Booker Washington marry Teddy's

01:03:53.610 --> 01:03:57.289
daughter. Or if this does not overflow Teddy

01:03:57.289 --> 01:04:00.769
cup of joy, then let Miss Diana Washington marry

01:04:00.769 --> 01:04:04.339
Teddy's boy. But everything settled. Roosevelt

01:04:04.339 --> 01:04:07.440
is dead. Er's in the White House. Cut off Teddy's

01:04:07.440 --> 01:04:09.659
head. This is a diss in the 1900s, man. Hey,

01:04:09.659 --> 01:04:11.820
let's go, gang. He said, fuck Teddy's wife, girl,

01:04:11.980 --> 01:04:13.420
come on, daughter. I don't know which one it

01:04:13.420 --> 01:04:15.179
was. So this has been happening since the beginning

01:04:15.179 --> 01:04:16.920
of time. This looks like my Twitter right now.

01:04:16.940 --> 01:04:19.300
Yeah, this was the beginning of time. Who wrote

01:04:19.300 --> 01:04:22.940
this? Was Rudyard Kipling who the fuck wrote

01:04:22.940 --> 01:04:25.739
this? Dude, who wrote this? I don't know. Okay,

01:04:26.880 --> 01:04:29.300
so this guy. Oh, let's go back. This is a whole

01:04:29.300 --> 01:04:35.460
state. That's a city. Dude, what? I want to see

01:04:35.460 --> 01:04:37.800
who wrote this. On so many levels. You got to

01:04:37.800 --> 01:04:40.840
go. Benjamin. Oh, my gosh. Look at this guy,

01:04:40.920 --> 01:04:43.280
man. He can't even see the whole world. Oh, my

01:04:43.280 --> 01:04:45.940
God. Lazy out ass. He got one eye. He trying

01:04:45.940 --> 01:04:49.219
to write shit. His ear hole is so big, dude.

01:04:49.340 --> 01:04:51.679
It looks like he has a vagina on the side of

01:04:51.679 --> 01:04:53.500
his head. He going to try to talk about black

01:04:53.500 --> 01:04:56.260
people. He ain't even made it right. That nigga

01:04:56.260 --> 01:04:58.820
made it wrong. Still wouldn't knock his ass out.

01:04:58.960 --> 01:05:00.340
Nose kind of big, too. I ain't going to say what

01:05:00.340 --> 01:05:04.639
it is. I don't know what that is, too. He's a

01:05:04.639 --> 01:05:10.420
druid. He's a conniving eunuch. I know. Was he

01:05:10.420 --> 01:05:14.340
born like that? Let's see. Oh, he's a white supremacist,

01:05:14.340 --> 01:05:17.460
too. No. Dude, no fucking way. Dude, he said

01:05:17.460 --> 01:05:20.320
he defended Lincoln. He defended who? He defended

01:05:20.320 --> 01:05:23.639
Lincoln. He led a paramilitary group. That's

01:05:23.639 --> 01:05:25.059
what I thought he said, Lincoln. He's just racist

01:05:25.059 --> 01:05:29.079
as hell. Bag of beef. It's always people that's

01:05:29.079 --> 01:05:32.000
built like this. You know what I'm saying? Look

01:05:32.000 --> 01:05:35.320
at him. Don't stop trying to say supremacy when

01:05:35.320 --> 01:05:36.880
you're the worst of them. You know what I mean?

01:05:37.000 --> 01:05:39.400
Yeah, man. He just heard that he can't see. Even

01:05:39.400 --> 01:05:42.440
I'm above this guy. Oh, God, yeah. JJ is so much

01:05:42.440 --> 01:05:45.260
above this guy. Look at him. Look at that. I'm

01:05:45.260 --> 01:05:50.760
on par with that guy. He's inbred. That's Megamind.

01:05:51.239 --> 01:05:53.059
What the hell? Even through the beard, you can

01:05:53.059 --> 01:05:56.530
see the underbite. You're right. It's a long

01:05:56.530 --> 01:05:58.489
beard. It's a long beard. You can still see the

01:05:58.489 --> 01:06:02.329
underbite and the narrow eyes. Oh, shit. Yeah,

01:06:02.349 --> 01:06:05.369
this dude. Look at that. His one eye. Oh, that's

01:06:05.369 --> 01:06:07.429
him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. At the right. At the Hamburg

01:06:07.429 --> 01:06:09.809
right. And they took a lot of liberty. They drew

01:06:09.809 --> 01:06:12.389
him very slim. Yeah. He did not look slim in

01:06:12.389 --> 01:06:14.889
that photo. Bigger than this table. Bigger, dude.

01:06:15.629 --> 01:06:21.570
Exactly, man. That was with a B. Holy shit. I

01:06:21.570 --> 01:06:26.010
will look like that eventually. It's not a bad

01:06:26.010 --> 01:06:28.170
look, though. That's fire. That's probably going

01:06:28.170 --> 01:06:29.789
to bring that back. When do you think you start

01:06:29.789 --> 01:06:34.230
balding? Soon. Soon? Soon. It's going to go.

01:06:34.469 --> 01:06:35.989
What about you? That's kind of what I look like

01:06:35.989 --> 01:06:36.769
right now. When do you think you're going to

01:06:36.769 --> 01:06:38.530
start balding? Never. No, I'm already balled

01:06:38.530 --> 01:06:40.590
in in the back. But luckily, it's not the hairline

01:06:40.590 --> 01:06:42.909
ball. The camera's right here. You can't see

01:06:42.909 --> 01:06:45.650
it. Until that 4S from right hits the top. Until

01:06:45.650 --> 01:06:47.809
we get the drone camera from Ace. Yeah, always.

01:06:48.690 --> 01:06:51.710
Oh, my God. Ace texted me some crazy shit. I

01:06:51.710 --> 01:06:57.769
was in Nashville, and it was a joke. But it didn't

01:06:57.769 --> 01:07:00.210
make sense to me. We might be able to pull it

01:07:00.210 --> 01:07:01.849
up, burn it, go to my message, and try to find

01:07:01.849 --> 01:07:04.510
Ace Prater. He said, Dom, at 7 p .m., I'm going

01:07:04.510 --> 01:07:07.949
to blow up the AT &T building. Let's see. Scroll

01:07:07.949 --> 01:07:10.690
down until you see it. It's a weird setup. Okay.

01:07:12.510 --> 01:07:15.329
It's just latitude, longitude. Or just type it

01:07:15.329 --> 01:07:19.969
in. There it is. Okay. What, right here? Huh?

01:07:20.190 --> 01:07:23.650
This one? You want me to read it? Yeah. The irony

01:07:23.650 --> 01:07:26.929
is thick as office size today, man. I'm over

01:07:26.929 --> 01:07:29.610
here in a 300 -pounder, be party planning committee

01:07:29.610 --> 01:07:33.409
chairwoman and dictate the loop for some type

01:07:33.409 --> 01:07:37.179
of upcoming walk -a -thon. What does that mean?

01:07:38.360 --> 01:07:40.699
You can minimize that now and make sure you blur

01:07:40.699 --> 01:07:47.219
out the rest. But I don't know. He's saying that

01:07:47.219 --> 01:07:49.800
it's ironic that they hired an obese woman to

01:07:49.800 --> 01:07:52.840
play in the walk -a -thon. Oh, okay. What walk

01:07:52.840 --> 01:07:56.130
-a -thon? Probably his company's doing it. Like

01:07:56.130 --> 01:07:58.650
a fundraiser, you know? God, you speak white.

01:07:58.849 --> 01:08:00.909
Yeah, I didn't understand that in the slightest.

01:08:01.070 --> 01:08:04.769
You never had the Boosterthon fun run when you

01:08:04.769 --> 01:08:07.150
were a kid in school? You never had that? I never

01:08:07.150 --> 01:08:10.010
performed. It was fire, dude. They would give

01:08:10.010 --> 01:08:13.789
you at the beginning of the day. like a gildan

01:08:13.789 --> 01:08:16.109
t -shirt that would give you a rash and like

01:08:16.109 --> 01:08:19.489
on the back of it it had uh like one through

01:08:19.489 --> 01:08:22.430
30 and you would run a lap in this thing and

01:08:22.430 --> 01:08:24.909
then you would get somebody to mark on your shirt

01:08:24.909 --> 01:08:28.029
mark off the one and then you do as many laps

01:08:28.029 --> 01:08:30.069
as you can in like a certain amount of time oh

01:08:30.069 --> 01:08:32.569
and then you donate like charity yeah i did that

01:08:32.569 --> 01:08:37.390
back in the day the only time i did track and

01:08:37.390 --> 01:08:39.569
like what elementary school is when they made

01:08:39.569 --> 01:08:40.970
you like do that track thing where you had to

01:08:40.970 --> 01:08:43.539
run four laps I'd be like the last one. Just

01:08:43.539 --> 01:08:45.479
like running around? The 100 meter? No, no, like,

01:08:45.600 --> 01:08:47.479
I remember we were, because like in PE, they'd

01:08:47.479 --> 01:08:49.319
be like, you gotta run around the lap four times.

01:08:49.500 --> 01:08:51.279
Probably a mile. So what track then? It was PE?

01:08:51.479 --> 01:08:53.640
Oh, no, PE class. Oh, okay. I used to be like

01:08:53.640 --> 01:08:56.960
the last one. Yeah. So you were running the mile,

01:08:56.979 --> 01:09:00.500
though, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. The four times

01:09:00.500 --> 01:09:02.439
around. Yeah. That's when I kicked that dude

01:09:02.439 --> 01:09:05.720
in the nuts, man. Mid -run? Oh, yeah, because

01:09:05.720 --> 01:09:07.420
he kept kicking me in my butt, so I turned around,

01:09:07.520 --> 01:09:10.529
like. Boom. Damn. That's when you were like that

01:09:10.529 --> 01:09:13.590
football pitcher fat? Oh, fatter. Fat. A little

01:09:13.590 --> 01:09:17.369
bit fatter than that, man. That was before I

01:09:17.369 --> 01:09:19.149
did any athletic sports. That was like fourth

01:09:19.149 --> 01:09:24.810
grade. Fourth or third grade. Yep. Kicked him

01:09:24.810 --> 01:09:27.130
right there, man. He fell in the bushes. They

01:09:27.130 --> 01:09:28.789
cried. They let me go because they like his brand

01:09:28.789 --> 01:09:31.149
and so he's okay. I didn't get in any trouble.

01:09:31.890 --> 01:09:34.390
He got in trouble. Yeah. Because they're like,

01:09:34.449 --> 01:09:36.689
you provoked him. Yeah, because your class has

01:09:36.689 --> 01:09:38.710
never gotten in trouble. I'm telling you, these

01:09:38.710 --> 01:09:40.449
motherfuckers could do anything in the lunchroom.

01:09:40.590 --> 01:09:43.250
They could yell, throw shit. Yeah. Yeah, y 'all

01:09:43.250 --> 01:09:44.970
never got in trouble. Man, this dude deep -throated

01:09:44.970 --> 01:09:46.489
banana in front of everybody, and we were supposed

01:09:46.489 --> 01:09:50.079
to be cool with that. You wanted to take a stand.

01:09:52.220 --> 01:09:56.319
He said, not in my lunchroom. Get your fruitcake

01:09:56.319 --> 01:10:00.600
ass out of here. Not like that. We're just going

01:10:00.600 --> 01:10:05.800
to let this guy defile. We're sitting here breaking

01:10:05.800 --> 01:10:08.579
bread. This motherfucker's deep -throating the

01:10:08.579 --> 01:10:11.880
banana. Get him out. Hey, look. Look at this.

01:10:12.909 --> 01:10:14.630
I just sit there and have to be like, this is

01:10:14.630 --> 01:10:18.890
wild as hell, man. That's fun. I don't even care

01:10:18.890 --> 01:10:24.649
at all. Brandon being homophobic. No, no. It's

01:10:24.649 --> 01:10:26.649
so funny. I'm not homophobic at all. It's not

01:10:26.649 --> 01:10:30.189
your fault. You don't even know it. Oh, no, this

01:10:30.189 --> 01:10:32.649
is not good. No, you're not really homophobic.

01:10:32.649 --> 01:10:35.010
Oh, thank God, man. Because you love gay people.

01:10:35.170 --> 01:10:39.130
Yeah, man. And it's good. Yes, it is good. Yeah.

01:10:39.810 --> 01:10:44.060
Yes, it is good. Hope you know that, whoever

01:10:44.060 --> 01:10:48.500
you are. Yeah. But it is built into you. I remember

01:10:48.500 --> 01:10:51.119
I told you, I mean, I guess you can technically

01:10:51.119 --> 01:10:53.979
call it homophobic, but I didn't know it was

01:10:53.979 --> 01:10:57.180
called that. But if it was like, you know what

01:10:57.180 --> 01:11:00.239
I'm saying, you grew up around us. If you grew

01:11:00.239 --> 01:11:05.159
up around black people, it's not. Damn sure it

01:11:05.159 --> 01:11:07.399
wasn't accepted whenever I was growing up. Even

01:11:07.399 --> 01:11:10.180
if somebody, like, we had gay people, but they

01:11:10.180 --> 01:11:11.579
wouldn't even say that they were gay. I think

01:11:11.579 --> 01:11:14.300
you guys just got to the don't ask, don't tell

01:11:14.300 --> 01:11:16.960
policy. Yeah, I believe that's right where it's

01:11:16.960 --> 01:11:20.119
at right now. And that's a step. Yeah. That's

01:11:20.119 --> 01:11:24.359
a step. Yeah. Oh, for sure. You can't ask for

01:11:24.359 --> 01:11:27.420
it all at once, you know? Thanks, Tom. Then it's

01:11:27.420 --> 01:11:29.220
going to be like, you know what? They can't get

01:11:29.220 --> 01:11:32.060
married. In about 10 years, you get to that point.

01:11:32.399 --> 01:11:35.479
What I think is funny is a lot of the... I don't

01:11:35.479 --> 01:11:39.420
want to spread false information, but I probably

01:11:39.420 --> 01:11:43.000
will. A lot of Asian countries, I feel like they're

01:11:43.000 --> 01:11:45.380
very homophobic, but then they also have prominent

01:11:45.380 --> 01:11:50.479
gay things in their culture. Like ladyboys and

01:11:50.479 --> 01:11:54.180
stuff. Yeah, but that's the... What kind of Asians

01:11:54.180 --> 01:11:57.979
are they? That's Thailand. Where's Thailand at?

01:11:58.319 --> 01:12:02.500
Southeast Asia? Yeah, Southeast Asians. The Philippines.

01:12:03.340 --> 01:12:05.899
They'd probably kill you if you were gay. Really?

01:12:06.140 --> 01:12:08.600
They would not kill, but they would not be happy

01:12:08.600 --> 01:12:11.819
about it. Don't they have the gay prostitutes?

01:12:12.079 --> 01:12:14.739
That's what I'm saying. But they would kill them

01:12:14.739 --> 01:12:19.140
then, right? They gotta be cool with it. They

01:12:19.140 --> 01:12:22.140
probably have a high mortality rate. I'll go

01:12:22.140 --> 01:12:25.930
out on a limb and say that. But it's like the

01:12:25.930 --> 01:12:30.130
Spanish culture is that, like, I forgot the term,

01:12:30.189 --> 01:12:32.949
but it's a dude who's so masculine, he has to

01:12:32.949 --> 01:12:36.510
fuck other dudes dressed as women. Yeah. Because

01:12:36.510 --> 01:12:39.710
they're so masculine. But then if you call them

01:12:39.710 --> 01:12:41.369
gay, they'll fucking kill you because you're

01:12:41.369 --> 01:12:44.229
like, I'm not gay. That's my woman. I made him

01:12:44.229 --> 01:12:46.550
a woman. That's like William Dafoe in Saints

01:12:46.550 --> 01:12:50.369
Row. No, what's that? Boondock Saints. Oh, yeah.

01:12:50.510 --> 01:12:54.939
Boondock Saints, yeah. What's that like? Wait,

01:12:55.079 --> 01:12:56.260
are you talking about like the Booty Warrior

01:12:56.260 --> 01:12:58.779
and Saints? No, no. Boondock Saints is a movie.

01:12:58.960 --> 01:12:59.600
Oh, I thought you were talking about Boondock.

01:12:59.600 --> 01:13:01.180
The Booty Warrior? My bad. I thought you were

01:13:01.180 --> 01:13:02.479
talking about the Boondock. Randy Defoe wasn't

01:13:02.479 --> 01:13:05.260
in prison. What fucking regional wrestling company

01:13:05.260 --> 01:13:07.539
is the Booty Warrior? No, that's from the Boondock.

01:13:07.560 --> 01:13:08.439
You remember that dude that came out of prison?

01:13:08.439 --> 01:13:10.899
That's a real person. If you farted in prison,

01:13:11.039 --> 01:13:12.699
that meant that it's more of a loser. I have

01:13:12.699 --> 01:13:14.600
them grease it up, so if they got the grease

01:13:14.600 --> 01:13:16.979
under their nails, that means that. That's a

01:13:16.979 --> 01:13:19.119
real person. Yeah, like I saw a video last week.

01:13:19.380 --> 01:13:21.319
He's married to a woman. Have you ever seen the

01:13:21.319 --> 01:13:25.060
video with a guy talking about, he's like, when

01:13:25.060 --> 01:13:26.880
you beat somebody up in prison, you got to spit

01:13:26.880 --> 01:13:28.539
in their ass. That was probably now. Because

01:13:28.539 --> 01:13:30.279
then they have to do the rape kit. Yeah, yeah,

01:13:30.300 --> 01:13:33.439
yeah. That's crazy. You been watching him now,

01:13:33.479 --> 01:13:35.439
though? He's been talking a lot on Instagram.

01:13:35.520 --> 01:13:37.560
Yeah, the booty war he's at. He told me about

01:13:37.560 --> 01:13:39.840
what it means when you fart in prison. He told

01:13:39.840 --> 01:13:41.619
you? Well, not me, but I watched it. Did you

01:13:41.619 --> 01:13:45.060
ask him in the chat? I would. He helped me realize

01:13:45.060 --> 01:13:47.079
if we ever go, don't fart, man, because that's

01:13:47.079 --> 01:13:49.109
how they know your ass is open. And ready for

01:13:49.109 --> 01:13:51.189
business. So what if you got to fart? You just

01:13:51.189 --> 01:13:52.590
got to hold it. You got to go to the bathroom

01:13:52.590 --> 01:13:54.909
and hope that they don't hear it. You just got

01:13:54.909 --> 01:13:57.170
to full -blown shit on the floor? Dude, I would

01:13:57.170 --> 01:13:58.970
be the gayest motherfucker in the world because

01:13:58.970 --> 01:14:02.210
I fart so much. Me too. I fart on the way here.

01:14:02.390 --> 01:14:07.350
Yeah. What if you found out... And I was inspired

01:14:07.350 --> 01:14:09.189
because I went into the bathroom earlier and

01:14:09.189 --> 01:14:12.149
there was two different open containers of hemorrhoid

01:14:12.149 --> 01:14:15.550
cream on the counter. What if you figured out

01:14:15.550 --> 01:14:20.970
that... anal sex was the only cure to your hemorrhoids.

01:14:21.069 --> 01:14:22.649
Nah, bro. Stick with them hemorrhoids. You wouldn't

01:14:22.649 --> 01:14:26.350
do it? Because it's just, it doesn't make sense.

01:14:26.609 --> 01:14:29.989
Too much traction. Instant relief. Huh? Instant

01:14:29.989 --> 01:14:34.310
relief. I've been doing what I do. What if it

01:14:34.310 --> 01:14:37.229
continues to progress? Yeah. Would you be open

01:14:37.229 --> 01:14:39.590
in the future? No. There's surgeries for it and

01:14:39.590 --> 01:14:42.050
such. We'd need to have Brandon. I know Brandon

01:14:42.050 --> 01:14:44.710
would leave the podcast. No, no. Wait, what?

01:14:45.289 --> 01:14:48.199
He would make an apology video. Hey, speaking

01:14:48.199 --> 01:14:52.800
of the hemorrhoid cream, right? So, you know,

01:14:52.899 --> 01:14:55.560
when you're staying at somebody's house. I went

01:14:55.560 --> 01:14:58.020
to Nashville this weekend for the Kill Tony thing.

01:14:58.039 --> 01:15:02.079
I'm staying at my boy Gonzo's house. And I told

01:15:02.079 --> 01:15:04.420
you back, I was brushing my teeth. And then I

01:15:04.420 --> 01:15:06.500
started brushing, and I was like, this doesn't

01:15:06.500 --> 01:15:09.579
taste minty. It doesn't have a mint flavor to

01:15:09.579 --> 01:15:11.960
it. And I was brushing my teeth with hemorrhoid

01:15:11.960 --> 01:15:15.720
cream. Maybe if it goes the other way, it'll

01:15:15.720 --> 01:15:19.399
help. Maybe, like, that'll help. You'll attack

01:15:19.399 --> 01:15:23.880
it from another angle. It might be it. They go

01:15:23.880 --> 01:15:26.100
into panic mode. They get flanked, and they're

01:15:26.100 --> 01:15:28.399
like, oh, shit, dude. We never had this. Did

01:15:28.399 --> 01:15:30.079
you see that Jack Black skit that I sent you

01:15:30.079 --> 01:15:33.180
saying it might help? No, I haven't. I haven't.

01:15:33.199 --> 01:15:35.039
Because he had one where he was, like, doing

01:15:35.039 --> 01:15:36.939
it was on Saturday Night Live last Saturday where

01:15:36.939 --> 01:15:39.239
he did one with, like. hemorrhoid cream, but

01:15:39.239 --> 01:15:40.939
it was instead of, like, being normal, Flamin'

01:15:40.960 --> 01:15:44.079
Hot with the Flamin' Hot Cheeto, man. Oh, dude,

01:15:44.119 --> 01:15:45.220
that would hurt so bad. And he was like, you

01:15:45.220 --> 01:15:47.020
put it on there, instead of it, like, making

01:15:47.020 --> 01:15:48.960
it go down slowly, it just explodes, and then

01:15:48.960 --> 01:15:51.479
he had to go to the hospital. Yeah, that's probably

01:15:51.479 --> 01:15:53.659
what would happen. Yeah. I couldn't imagine.

01:15:53.960 --> 01:15:56.600
It's so uncomfortable on long rides, dude. Yeah.

01:15:56.619 --> 01:15:59.039
I have to, like, sit up. Do you spread your cheeks?

01:15:59.560 --> 01:16:04.279
No. Do you, like, clench them? I do a clench.

01:16:04.420 --> 01:16:08.420
I do a kind of a put your foot out. Lift up the

01:16:08.420 --> 01:16:10.420
pressure. When I shit my pants while I'm driving,

01:16:10.500 --> 01:16:12.479
that's what I do. Exactly. It's going to be that

01:16:12.479 --> 01:16:14.760
same. So it doesn't stink up the seat. Well,

01:16:14.819 --> 01:16:16.939
yeah. You only have to learn that lesson one

01:16:16.939 --> 01:16:19.180
time. Wow. That shit doesn't come out, does it?

01:16:19.220 --> 01:16:21.760
That stink. It took a lot. Took a while. Osium,

01:16:21.819 --> 01:16:25.439
various other chemicals. Fabuloso, actually.

01:16:25.699 --> 01:16:27.859
I saw that on a Reddit thread, and I was like,

01:16:27.920 --> 01:16:31.560
hmm. That guy shit himself too many times to

01:16:31.560 --> 01:16:35.729
figure that out. Got a scholar. Yeah, shit scholar.

01:16:35.989 --> 01:16:39.090
Hell yeah, shit happens. Shit happens. That's

01:16:39.090 --> 01:17:17.449
it, boys. Hate Scrappy -Doo.