This week on Clown College. True, it's like a
catheter. Yeah, well no, I'm good, no, I'm done,
no, I'm never, the only time I want a catheter
is if I'm about to die. I don't want a catheter.
I'm sorry, man. I don't want enough of going
up there. Was that the last? Did you just learn
about those in class? Oh, no, no. I've known
about it since I was a child, and I've always
been like, that's my nightmare. Yeah, that is.
That's my nightmare. That's one of the, seems
like one of the worst things. And I heard some
old people, like, not mentally up there, they'll
rip it out. Yeah. Mm -hmm. Imagine that pain.
You remember something for a minute after that.
Make sure it's lubricated right. Maybe they're
so crazy it feels good. No, it's not going to
feel good, man. They're going to remember for
a split second everything. It's going to fucking
hurt. Let's all go to Clown College, baby. It's
with Brandon Willis, Don and JJ. Let's all go
to Clown College, baby. It's with Brandon Willis,
Don and JJ. Is that racist? Yeah. Is that racist?
What's racist? I don't know. Rollin', rollin'.
No, that's not racist. No, no, no, no, no. That's
something. That's... I don't know. Might be like
a hymn. You trying to say it's a field song?
Yeah. Oh. Slave song, huh? I don't know. Hell
yeah. How you doing, JJ? I bet. JJ. I'm doing
good. I got tanned up good in Hawaii. I see a
lot happening to you, buddy. Yeah. I changed.
I had a sex change. And a race change. This is
better, honestly. Thank you. I've been living
my life wrong. Oh, shit. It's gonna be back,
though. How was Hawaii? Oh, it was insane. It
was literally the most beautiful place I've ever
seen. I mean, literally, I come back, it's, like,
gray as fuck here. It's sunny today. It looks
gray outside. Like, it's... The heat's grosser
here. Like, you know? It actually... It was crazy,
though. Where we were on... So, I went to Maui.
And where we were on the island, like, you expect...
uh you hear hawaii you're just like a tropical
paradise it was like literally uh the the area
we were in was like completely dry they were
like we get 10 inches of rain a year Just because
the way the mountains block the shit and whatnot,
it was wild. But it was one of the most beautiful
places I've ever been. I hate being back, and
I'm going to move there soon with my little anime
van. You will be homeless there. Without a doubt,
if you move to Hawaii, you will be homeless in
a matter of time. I looked up the comedy scene
there. They don't got one? Well, Maui's rebuilding
currently. Oh, Maui definitely ain't gonna have
one. Yeah, Maui's rebuilding for the fires. A
lot was fucked up there, apparently. Like, we
don't get news like it's supposed to be got.
I'll just say that. Oh, yeah, they don't care
about that. They don't care about the mainland,
either. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it is a state,
but, you know. That was the other thing. It was
like, I've never been... It was so weird being,
like, that isolated. Because, like, yeah, you
can, like... I've been like the wilderness in
America, you know, like the middle of the woods.
But that's totally different than being in the
middle of the ocean like that. It's weird, like
mentally. That's the shit. Yeah, I dug it. It
was interesting. I definitely dug it. Did you
go swimming or anything like that? Yeah, I went
in the water a little bit. I'm not really a water
guy like that. Me neither. One thing. I don't
really like it. Oh, dude, I love seeing wild
animals everywhere, though. So there were chickens
everywhere. Yeah. You see the boars, wild hogs?
No, we wanted to. We tried, but we didn't see
any. I'm just going to be a Hawaii podcast. There
were no predators on the island. Really? Yeah,
you would do amazing. You would thrive. Hell
yeah. There are no predators. That's good. Apparently,
like, pretty much every animal other than bird
and fish, we, like, humans brought over to the
island. So, like, the Polynesians, when they
first came over, they brought chickens, pigs,
and something else, some other thing. But, like,
there were literally, it was, I mean, the island
came up from the sea, from volcanoes. So, like.
what animals would be there. You know what I
mean? That was the shit about goddamn Hawaii.
No snakes. No snakes. They don't have any snakes.
Yeah, no poisonous bugs. No, yeah. And then what,
and I think it's Guam, what happened was a plane
came over and had a snake in like the fucking
wheel wheel. Oh no. And it brought snakes and
now it's in, like they're all over. Damn. Swear.
So it's like. Yeah, they check your shit. Like,
they check your bags on your way out. You got
an agriculture check. Yeah, exactly. They special
scan it. Don't play about that shit. Because
they don't want any pests brought in or pests
brought out. They were like, this toad's invasive
now. I don't know how it got here. They were
like... It was dope. So when did that snake thing
happen? I don't know. You have to look it up.
Yeah, let's see. Yeah, I mean, it would assume
World War II. It might have been America's Samoa.
I don't know, but I know, like... On the Oahu
Island, they have a... You said you went on tour,
so it might be like the same thing as the Colonies
and Pulsars Cultural Center. And you can go through
all the different islands and they do a show
for you and tell you about them. They do it every
15 minutes, so you can go to all of them. That's
cool. It's almost like Disney World. Yeah. I
swear. And then they did a show at the end. It
was like $90 you got the whole day. Nice. And
you got, no, it was like $90. I think it was
$90. And you got a luau in there, you know, where
they do the whole luau. You eat the pig and all
the food and shit. And then at the end, they
did a big live. It was almost identical to Lion
King, like the story. But they were, like, running
out through the, you know, you're sitting on
the way, and they're running out there. They're
doing this big -ass show. That's great. Damn,
that sounds fun as hell, man. Yeah, it was definitely
fun. We didn't, I don't like doing, like, I don't
like go, go, go on vacation. So we were, it was
chill. Oh, yeah. Ain't no place better chill
than Maui. Yeah. Like, if you go to the islands,
you got Maui's the chill. And Kauai. Kauai is
like, I think it's maybe a little bit more lively
than Maui. And then Oahu, that's the, you know,
Waikiki, Honolulu. Yeah, we stopped there on
the way out. Out to go out. Saw where you, saw
your old stomping ground from up above. You go
there, I could have got you some people. Blue
B, I remember you always had the best shit. Shout
out. That's the next trip, going to Oahu. Hell
yeah, dude. If it wasn't so expensive, that'd
be the best trip to go to, but it's so fucking
expensive, man. I mean, you would have to, like,
the idea would be, like, you go down there and
stay for an undisclosed amount, like, unplanned
amount of time. You just plan to stay down there.
Like, you have somewhere to stay, and yeah, that
would be the best way. Yeah. And a car. In Maui,
you needed a car. Oh, yeah, yeah. You need a
car. Yeah. I mean, if you don't get a car in
Waikiki, you're just staying in Waikiki, Honolulu
area, and you got the whole rest of that island.
East side, stairway to heaven. You know, all
the different sides. Yeah, the whole, maybe even
Maui was completely different on one side to
the middle. Yeah, it was wild. Yeah, brother.
We're going to take you, dude. We're going to
take you to the Caribbean. You'd fit. Caribbean.
Yeah, you'd. First of all, they'd all think you
were Spanish. Yeah, for sure. If you didn't talk,
they'd all just think you were, like, Colombian.
I just put my thumbs up every time. Yes, dude.
You're the perfect Mexican, Brandon. Your, like,
attitude, chill, yeah. And how tight your clothes
are, you can definitely pass for Dominican. Yeah,
okay. Hell yeah. Just stumble into one of their
braids. You get your pointy shoes and a studded
belt. You said pointy shoes? Yes. Like the iron
sheet? You do that, you will be Dominican in
the heartbeat. Me no, hey, me no black. Me no
black. No, no. Me no English. Me no speak. You
don't speak. Say it again. Say me no speak. Me
no speak. Me no speak what? Me no speak English.
Me no speak English. See? Me no English. Me no
English. Damn, I did just speak English when
I said speak English. We're going to get Brandon
taken by ice. You probably would. You got a dude
who don't speak English, huh? I was just joking.
Before we get off of Maui, I did bring a gift
for the pod for the boys. What is it? Organic
ocean vodka. Okay. Oh, wow. Crafted in Hawaii.
That looks amazing. Yeah. I think the bottle's
blue. That's good. We got to keep that. We got
to keep that. You see that? I see that. It looks
like some water. It was the only... I didn't
see anything. Everything around... I mean, we
went to a heavily tourist area, so everything
around was literally just like surfboards with
people's names on them. It was a Dubai, so I
didn't see any gifts, but I definitely wanted
to get that. Oh, did you see any of the people
making those things, like woodworking? oh so
kinda yeah on the tour we definitely yeah we
passed a chainsaw dude that was doing the chainsaw
art that was cool cause like we knew a dude it's
the world everyone's the same everywhere when
I lived in the middle of nowhere in Indiana like
the white whitesville you know what I mean there
was a guy that did fucking chainsaw art and he
made tiki shit because you know you run out of
bears to carve when you're doing chainsaw you're
old man so he would make tiki shit so it was
interesting it was like everyone's always the
same dude we're all just probably learned it
from his master yeah so no go ahead i wouldn't
have noticed the whole time did you go to a volcano
no well i mean i guess i was technically at one
right because i guess each island was made oh
so it's from lava but it's it's not Active. I
think the only active one, there are two. One's
on the Big Island. Big Island, yeah, that's the
Big Island. And there's a new island currently
being formed. There's an underwater volcano that
in about 100 years will form an island, he said.
Damn. That's tight. It's almost done? We'll go
check it out. It's the ninth island, yeah. Yeah,
let's check that out. You got 100 years left
in you, Brad? Oh, definitely. If anybody does,
it's you. I hope. Because you'll be a doctor.
Doctors live longer. Yeah. Yeah, they do. They
sure do. I wouldn't live to be like 130. I've
never seen a fat doctor. Me neither. As soon
as you pass this class, man, I need you to take
a look at these. I got you, man. I mean, they
are killing me. Speaking of volcanic eruptions.
Yeah, man. Yeah, we'll get in there, man. Can
you do that again? We'll look at them. Just bring
your little tackle box, you know, that they're
giving you. Let's get in there and figure this
out. Yeah, we will. He brings a tackle box. He
wears a Carson belt. Honestly, my experience
with balls, you just got to let it ride out.
That's what I do. I just let it ride out to his
car. I know. And that's what I usually do, too.
Now keep fucking with it. Yeah, you can't do
that. Dude, I'm like that with my face. That's
why I have scars. You got to stop that. That's
meth. Yeah, right. You want to be associated?
When I lived in Baltimore, when I first moved
out the house, I was only eating trail mix, and
I was picking at my face, so I looked like a
meth head. Really? Like a fat meth head. Damn.
Posted on Instagram about how people were keeping
me alive. Like it was dark times. Damn, man.
I was 20. Dark times. Careful, Brandon. It could
be you. Yeah, it could be. I didn't know they
were fat meth heads. Like those zippies. Those
zippies? Yeah, I didn't know they had fat meth
heads, man. Right? They do. Chubby meth. They
eventually either die or get skinny. Yeah, they
just have a heart attack because they're doing
so much to short circuits. Like, yeah. Yeah.
I met this one ex -Coke head in Baltimore that
I worked at a Chinese restaurant. He was just
a customer. He would just come in and be like,
oh, yeah, man, the 80s. He was one of those.
Oh, the 80s, dude. It was fucking amazing. He
looked exactly. He looked like Harvey Weinstein.
Oh, no. He's like, oh, Corvette, hood down, bitches
around. He's like, had to stop that, though,
after the heart surgery. He had a real big wake
-up call. Damn. I want to meet this guy. No,
respect for being able to stop, because a lot
of people can't. Honestly, I don't think I'd
ever get to that point, but if I did, I don't
know if I could, because I'm like that. I'm addictive.
To get on. If I was at the point where I'm like,
oh, you're about to die from heart attacks because
you're doing coke, I don't know if I'd be able
to stop then. I think I'd be too far gone. I
don't think I'd ever get there, but if. I think,
yeah, I think I would just, yeah. I totally get
how they would just, fuck you. Oh, yeah, me too.
Get the personality. We got that. But see, coke's
the worst, though. It's the worst of them. It's
too much goes in to what you get out of it. Right.
I would be doing crack, let's be real. Crack?
That's better? Crack's a good time. Well, it's
better, but it's worse for you. Oh, okay. It's
worse outcomes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because you get
high as fuck. It's not like a coke high. You
get high, and you're always trying to trace that
dragon. Right, yeah, that's the word. Trying
to get that high again until they come to your
mama house to get it. Damn. I almost killed one
of these little motherfuckers. They came knocking
on my door at like 2 o 'clock in the morning.
It was like a two -story brick house. So my mom
stayed downstairs, and I had to hold upstairs
to myself once my brother and my sister moved
out. And I only was selling coke at the time,
and I dabbled in the crack. because it was more
profitable. You could double up your money. So
I did it. First of all, I never was at my house.
I had never sold out of my house. So I would
go, you know, be places where they wanted it,
get it out. I went home 2 o 'clock in the morning.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I'm like, what the fuck?
I come out the heat like, man, how the fuck do
you know where I live? How the fuck he find me?
He knew where I was. They're resourceful. Crackheads
are resourceful. Man, talking about something
I needed. I almost killed him. I almost threw
him off my porch, like literally, like Carlton.
I mean, like Jazzy Jeff. Oh, yeah, man. I'm going
to take him. Man, if you don't get the fuck out
of here, my mama come up here and kill me. Dude,
that's worst case scenario is your family. That's
why, I mean, in Breaking Bad and those shows,
that's why that's the moment where things go,
their families involved. That's the worst. I
don't want my family involved in this. My mom
walked in here right now, that'd be like crisis
level. I'd be like, damn. Be very quiet. I'd
be like, man. I thought we have your mom on.
Oh, for real? That would be crazy. I mean, I
can picture it. I know you walk in and you're
like, fuck it, huh? Or was it your uncle? I think
it was my uncle. That's definitely a good series
of Patreon shorts as family bread reviews. Oh,
yeah. Get to know in that deep. Yeah, I mean,
JJ's dad, your mom, and your uncle. My mom would
come on. First of all, she's going to be lying.
We get her and Mark. Get her a mark and watch
Mark call her out for Jewish. No, because I had
to fuck Mark up. Because he absolutely would.
And look, I play about a lot of shit. Yeah, I
feel that. I beat you in your ass. I feel that.
You know what I'm saying? I mean, to a certain
extent, you know what I'm saying? Right, no,
yeah. But once you start getting loud. Or hurting
her feelings. Yeah, you better sense when to
stop because this hand will come across your
face. I feel that. Yeah, we couldn't do that,
man. Yeah. Be like Will Smith. And he got the
click to. To stop itself. Not in a malicious
way. He ain't doing it in a malicious way. I
just don't think, yeah, I agree. Yeah, I know.
No, that'll be fun. And then we get my little
brother once he's in the Marines and has killed
some people. We ain't in a war right now. I ain't
gonna kill nobody. No, it's all gonna be drones.
Yeah. And he's like, I don't think he'll be able
to, he can't like see. He's allergic to peanuts.
Ooh, no. They'll put him like fucking. They let
a man when he's, they probably don't know. I
don't know what they're going to exactly do.
He's, he's gotten, I mean, he, there's, he's
going to get in something in the military. I'm
just glad, fucking, I didn't have any direction.
I don't know what the fuck I was doing while
I was doing drugs and comedy. So, yeah, fucking
more power to him, dude. Hell yeah. Hegseth,
I trust you. I trust you with his life. Shenanigans
had some shit going on this week. We did a writing
session. Oh, yeah. I saw that. Was that good?
Yeah, yeah. I went to it. I want it. It was good.
Goddamn. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. These guys are
killing me, bro. Oh, dude, I understand. Take
off the pain in the ass. It's the worst pain
in the world. I ain't it, right? You're getting
stabbed in the ass. Dude, Brandon, it's exactly
what it feels like. It's like the booty warrior.
I'm going to be real with both of you. I'm almost
certain that both of you are talking about different
things. No, I promise you. I promise you. No,
dude. I know, I know. It's just in my head it's
funnier if you both think you're talking about
the same thing, but they're completely different.
I was up at 2 a .m. just trying to fight it off.
When Spider -Man was trying to get that black
suit off, I remember that black suit. That's
what I would like. Trying to squeeze it out.
Just hurting worse. You can't even walk, right?
Yeah, I got symbiote. Straight in my ass. Man,
that shit real. And thighs. I got big thighs.
Oh, yeah. Oh, they get on the inner thighs? Yeah,
yeah, because, you know. I get acne. They haven't
graduated to boils yet, but I've been back in
my ass. I get a lot of acne for sure. See, I
got to get a pepper booty or two, but it ain't
that bad. And it's not. It's literally just.
It has nothing to do with cleanliness or anything,
because I shower daily. No, if you got hair.
Yeah, hairs, the ingrown hairs will fuck you
up. True. And I got a lot of it. Yeah, because
you're not going to shave your ass every day.
I don't shave. Have you ever tried to shave your
ass? No. For wrestling, even? No. No, man. Oh,
wait. What, are they going to scoop my ass? That's
illegal. Whoever told you that. Whoever told
you that. Aw, man. I thought, like, doesn't Adonis,
like, shave everything because he works out?
Isn't that a thing? No. Shout out to Adonis.
Shout out. He for real does. I don't know if
he shaves his ass. Sorry this is the first time
we're talking about you. Okay, hold on. He has
said this before or something? I just thought,
well, I thought dudes that work out, like, JJ,
didn't he shave everything? I doubt. Hold on.
Did Adonis say that he shaves his body? No, no.
He didn't. I thought I heard. Bodybuilders do.
I just associated he works out a lot, and I just
assumed. Associated shaving your body? Yeah.
Don't they do that? No. I mean, professional
bodybuilders do because it shows their definition
more. Okay. So it's only if you're like super
into it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's one perk
of being a guy. You don't have to fucking shave.
Adonis looks pretty good. He might be really
into it. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I worked out.
You're like a bronco. I didn't think about shaving
my ass, no. Good. Because then it's like sometimes
you might have to get help with that shit, man.
What, shaving your ass? Yeah, because if you're
not able to see that and you're trying to, like,
wide it open at the same time while you're just
cutting through there, man, you're going to cut
something you're not supposed to cut. True, and
you don't want it to be uneven. You would feel
that immediately. Yes, yes, you would. I'm going
to tell y 'all something. Don't ever shave your
ass. I didn't shave it, but this is back when
Nair was popular. Ooh, yeah, I know exactly what
that is. I used it on my legs. So I was like,
you know, my ass is so hairy. Instead of having
dingleberries, you know what I'm saying? Well,
I've never had those, but no, not too graphic.
I would put Nair in it and then bam, wipe out
all the hair. And it did. Instantly wipes off
the hair. And then it just felt like my booty
was wet the whole time. Oh, I hate that. And
it was just like clicking together. Like I could
hear it. Oh my God. I was like, never again.
That's how those TikTok bitches do it. I think
so. That's hot. I don't see how women like do
that. It's just, it's unnatural. Well, they don't
move a lot. Like the bitches that are doing things
like that, they're not like. moving to where
they'd hear it. Like, you know what I mean? They're
like, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I think
men don't have to shave their ass most of the
time. No, they don't. They definitely generally
don't. Yeah. I made out with a bitch in her face.
No, not recently. There was stubble on her face.
Oh, okay. I didn't like it. Is it stubble or
was it long? No, it's stubble. I know what stubble
feels like. It wasn't hairy. You couldn't tell
that it was hair. He said, I know what stubble
feels like. Don't you question me. Man, I'm glad
you got that knowledge, bro. Let's run that back.
I don't want to see that. I don't want to hear
that. Look at my face when I said that. I better
raise my eyebrows. Then me, I'm kind of curious.
I'm like, how? I rubbed my hands together while
I said it. Oh, shit. Yeah, that was unsettling.
Shout out. You're cool. I love you. Keep that
shit trimmed. Yeah. Or, yeah, keep it freshly
trimmed, like immediately before you touch me.
If you're going to. Even wax. Wax. You have to.
Sorry, women. Well. You don't have to do anything.
Just if you're going to fuck me. That's respect
right there. I couldn't do the facial hair. I
know underarm hair is possible. I'm not talking
about a little stubble. But if it's rowdy, come
on, man. Now, if you're single, you do whatever
you want to. But if we were dating and then you
let it get too rowdy, there's going to be a problem.
See, I'm in... From not having much experience,
my gut tells me I'd be fine if it was hairy,
but again, if there's stubble, that's crazy.
There's going to be stubble, though. Only at
the beginning. Let it grow out if you're going
to let it grow out, but don't do that halfway.
First of all, that has to be uncomfortable as
shit. Second of all, I don't like stubble. Legs,
too. Literally, just let your leg hair grow.
I don't give a fuck. I don't want to feel stubble
when I rub my hand up against you. I feel it.
I dated some girls who really didn't have to
shave their legs, and I dated some who had to
do it, like, every day or every other day. If
they wanted to, you know, wear something short.
It's so sad, because the ones that do it, they
don't have to. They just, when they were 12,
they started. And what it is, what it is, is
like when they have dark hair, body hair, and
they're lighter. Yeah, they feel self -conscious,
yeah. But sometimes, I mean, they all have hair.
It's just sometimes it's blonde, and you can't
see it. Mine are blondish. Mine are really light.
Man, I'm like George the Animal Steel, bro. What?
What is that? You guys never seen George the
Animal Steel? Man, shit. I did plug the TV in
if you have the remote. Oh, here it is right
there. Okay. Yeah, man, dude. I don't know. This
wrestler was shit. Oh, it did work. Oh, I turned
it back off. My bad. Hell yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah,
I do remember him. But see, that hair is obviously
not stubbly. Yeah, damn sure it's not stubbly.
That's soft. That's shoulder hair right there.
But see, that's like that gross hair. A man with
that's kind of gross. See, I got like... First
of all, I forgot he said he's like that. I'm
like, damn. You have white guy hair on you, though?
No, no. Yeah, it's black person hair. That's
cool. No, not nappy. We'll make sure that's looking
good. Is it pubey? Is it wavy? Pubey? Nah. I
straighten it out and brush it sometimes. You
brush it? Yeah, my chest. Every once in a while.
It probably helps with ingrown hairs, though.
Oh, yeah, man. Do that with my ass, then. Just
have an ass brush. Well, exfoliate. I mean, exfoliating
would probably... I always hear, what is exfoliate?
So, you use a washcloth, right? It's just like
a towel material? My dermatologist told me that
I can't use this. I used to use a washcloth all
my life, but then he was like, I just can use
bar or dove. Interesting. So I never used a washcloth.
My grandma always used, it's like a towel, it's
towel shape, but it's like almost like, it's
not scrub daddy material, but it's like that.
You know what I'm talking about? No, no, no,
no. But it's like a towel. Yeah, yeah. A scrub
towel. Scrub towel. Look up scrub towel shower.
Because I was thinking about that like orange
loofah. But yeah, or there's the ball, like kind
of like the balls. Yeah. There's that too. Yeah,
yeah, that. It's like just... Oh, okay. No, I
never use one of those. I use that just to exfoliate.
I don't know how much it actually... I've never
noticed like a real difference, but people say
exfoliating. Helps. Might try that. That's like
scrub. See, think about when you go to doctors.
My doctor told me that whenever I had my eczema
outbreak. Yeah, so if you're a doctor, that might
be different. Hold on. But it was like when I
first got the eczema. This was over 10 years
ago. And I just. I just abide it by that. But
I bet if I go back to the dermatologist and ask
them, they'd give me a different answer. It could,
for sure. I'm noticing that every doctor will
give you a different fucking answer. Especially
with that amount of time in between, too. Like,
they might literally have made breakthroughs
or something. True. But yeah, no, you need a
doctor to look in you and at you. I think, yeah.
We should, like, follow you. And, like, you,
like, Karen out. Like, look in. Look. Stare at
it. Look at it. They just stare at you. Witness
me. Look at my ass. You think it's a witness?
Acknowledge me. That's the craziest shit. Acknowledge
me. Acknowledge me. If we put that in a, like
we have the asshole like talking to the doctor.
Oh, my God. That would be perfect. Like annoying
orange. Yeah. Yeah. Get PTSD from it. Oh, shit.
That's that one night when that ass started talking
to me. That's the next Brandon's black mirror.
Look at me. That would be Brandon's worst nightmare.
Yeah, it would. If my ass talked to me, man.
I'd be saying some shit. I'd be saying some shit.
Yeah, man. Yeah, doctors are crazy. They'll lie
about your height, too, sometimes. Yeah. Will
they? Yeah, like every doctor. I go to a lot
of doctors. They all say different heights. I
mean, I don't go to doctors. What do they say?
What's the range? One time it was like, man,
you're almost six foot. And then it was 5 '11",
5 '6". 5 '6"? That's crazy. These aren't doctors
you're going to. No, like, it's like... If they
went from 5 '11 to 5 '6", Brandon, they're not
a real doctor. They're not good. I mean, they're
good. They're good. Somebody really said you
were 5 '6". They're like, you're probably 5 '7",
5 '6". I was like, oh, okay. What do they mean,
probably? It's a... Because some people have,
like, a thing hanging up. Like a little, like,
little picture. You know those little. Yeah,
to measure. Yeah. And sometimes it wouldn't be
all the way down. Oh, my God. And sometimes they
may have all placed it right or something like
that. They don't have the right. It only goes
up to four. Yeah. They just lift it up to make
it look taller. Hold on, hold on, hold on. When
you go to the doctor, you don't have the, like,
you get on the scale and they do your height.
Oh, well, I mean, I went to... I just tell the
doctor. Whenever I go, I just tell them. They
don't even measure me. I'm just like, I'm 5 '5".
Well, I mean, I'm on the search for a doctor
now. I grew my original doctor. So you were talking
about a pediatrician. Oh, yeah. Yeah, after my
mom was younger, man. Back in the day. They're
like, Brandon, you gotta stop coming. Well, Brandon,
you might have been 5 '6 back then. Oh, yeah,
at the time, probably. I may have had a huge
growth spurt, maybe. Yes! That's probably what
happened. They just said to upgrade the records.
It's so funny. But now I'm on search. I went
to Happy Health. Who was that? Some like doctor
place near Publix. I go to one, or I don't really
go to one, but my parents are at one by where
Jake lives down in South Huntsville. Okay. Balmoral.
I don't know the doctor. Noterman. amy noterbund
shout out hell yeah if you watch this you would
love our stuff oh yeah dude we're medical mysteries
yeah all around dude need big insurance for her
um probably but i mean i i mean you can also
go i think it was like 80 bucks when i went for
just the yearly checkup dude you know what remember
at the um the mic the open mic there was a doctor
that was doing stand -up he's a retired doctor
clearly an alcohol or drinking that night and
uh probably seems like which one was it a wednesday
when i wasn't there oh maybe i thought you were
there but he was a doctor and he had like long
gray hair and he his jokes were they seemed cool
he seemed like right up our alley okay Hey, Shannon,
I haven't met you. Yeah. Well, I don't think
he's not doing comedy to do it. But we could
have a segment. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying. See if he'd come on.
Like Dave Hanna used to. And check us out. Yeah,
we get gloves. Oh, like Murr gets that done on
Impractical Jokers. True. Gets like a catheter.
Yeah, well, no. I'm good. No, I'm done. No, I'm
never. The only time I want a catheter is if
I'm about to die. I don't want a catheter. I'm
sorry, man. I don't want enough of going up there.
Was that the last? Did you just learn about those
in class? Oh, no, no. I've known about it since
I was a child, and I've always been like, that's
my nightmare. Yeah, that is. That's my nightmare.
That's one of the, seems like one of the worst
things. And I heard some old people, like, not
mentally up there, they'll rip it out. Yeah.
Mm -hmm. Imagine that pain. You remember something
for a minute after that. Make sure it's lubricated
right. Maybe they're so crazy it feels good.
No, it's not going to feel good, man. They're
going to remember for a split second everything.
It's going to fucking hurt. One moment. One split
second of complete lucidity. Exactly. Look at
what you've done to yourself. Something I never
want. Never want. No catheter. I don't even want
a fucking prosthetic exam. But we got to do it,
Sal. Well, those are fine. That's not. The prosthetic
exams? Yeah, with some dudes poking up in there.
What do they do with the prosthetic exams? That's
where they put their hand in your ass and make
you cough, right? Oh, yeah. They put their hand
up your ass so far you cough? Those little fingers.
They be like, cough. And then you go over. Great.
That's the best explanation I've ever heard for
it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Anybody ever had
it yet? I mean, shit, it's about to be closed.
I'm 37. I got three years. They probably. He
told me to cough when I went to jail. Shout out.
I went to jail for a little bit. He told me to
cough there. So you had nothing in your sphincter.
Yeah, but why did. I understand. It's like obviously
you flex. Well, not obviously, but what I think
is you flex some sort of muscle down there when
you cough. But why do they do that when they're
medical examining you? Oh, because it opens your
asshole. Like when you cough, doesn't that open
your ass? I was just playing. They don't make
you cough. Wait, they don't make you cough? No.
Somebody told me that. That's in the balls. When
they hold your balls, they make you cough. Yeah.
Oh. Why? Because something's in my ass? See why
they hold your balls and make you cough. Let's
see. Yeah. I guess maybe it's the same. Is it
for hernia? Let me get out of here. I think it
might be. Because I guess maybe you flex the...
Okay, same idea. You flex something when you
cough. Okay. I'm just suspicious of the doctors,
man. Like male OBGYNs. That sounds like something
JJ would hate. Okay, so doctors sometimes examine
the scrotum and testicles and ask patients to
cough while doing so to check for an igneal...
Igneal hernia, which is part of when the intestine
pushes through a weak spot in the abdominal wall
in the groin area. Hell yeah. Damn. That was
less exciting. You never get a hernia. But that
was right, hernia. Yeah, but they don't make
you cough when they stick your head up your ass.
Somebody told me that, man. I was like, really?
You're going to have to cough, bro. Please start
coughing when you get a prostate exam. Because
first of all, it would start clenching on his
fingers. It would be the craziest thing in the
fucking world. I'll cough. Why not? I'll do it
and make it look like an accident. My bad. I've
done it. It's not comfortable. Wait, what does
it do? Does it, like, make it even worse when
you cough? No, because you clench in a weird
way that you shouldn't probably. Oh, shit, so
this is worse for me. You have coughed while
your finger's been in your ass? Well, not while
I finger. Not while a penis either. Okay. Let's
move on. Let's move the fuck on. You all are
judging me. No, I'm not judging at all, man.
I want to cut the brain of his face when I said
not a finger. You are completely good, JJ. Completely
good. Learn something new every day about you,
man. You never coughed while you're shitting?
There we go. Good save. Yes, it is a good save.
Because I have. Yeah, so. Just pay attention
next time. And it feels, it's not right. Yeah.
You got a premature cut. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
You don't want those. And that's, yeah, that's
awful. Yes, they are. That's a hell of another
10 wipes. It's like, I heard my favorite way
to describe that with David Cho, the artist.
He's on Joe Rogan. Sometimes he, he's like, when
I shit and then I wipe, it's like wiping a marker.
It never stops. And I'm like, yes, that's literally
the perfect way to describe some shits. Now you
see the blood. Yep. Now you keep on to the blood.
It's almost gone. It's a color changer marker.
But I ain't going to lie, eating those fiber
gummies I got out there, because I got fiber
gummies. I got a stool softener. Fiber gummies
are great. Is it good? It tastes good, too. Yeah.
I think it's been helping. Definitely the stool
softener, because when I don't take it, you damn
sure I can tell it. I got to immediately go in
the shower and let that bad boy get hot water
to it. Hell yeah, man. Hell yeah. But no, I was
telling y 'all about it. We was at Shenanigans
and did that writing session. Yes. And that was
good. Like, you know, one of those things, if
you get one joke out of that, that's fucking
great. I got a joke. I know a couple other people
got good feedback. First of all, Mark Viola went
hard on a couple people. It's like, Mark, You
got to calm your ass down, boy. Damn, man. And
he was not playing about this D &D thing. He
was like, I'll talk to you outside. He's like,
come outside now. Damn. We're supposed to be
having a meeting sometime this week. I've been
fucking dragging. But for the D &D thing, he's
throwing out terms already. that he knows i don't
know so it's gonna evolve like i can it's gonna
be a documentary now i don't think it's it can't
i don't think it's gonna be enough i don't think
we're gonna be able to do like episodic i hope
we'll record epic like sessions of play but i
don't I think it's going to be the story of what
happens between us. It's going to be itself.
Just film the writing session. You'll have more
than enough footage out of that. There's no way
he ain't japping out. Damn, that's crazy. He
was really wild in there. Oh, yeah, he was wilding
out. He means his critiques. technically right,
probably all of them. But it's just the way you
say it. It'd be like somebody maybe didn't do
a delivery well, and you could just be like,
you know, you didn't do that delivery well. He
was like, your delivery sucks. He says to Blake
Russell, he's like, maybe if someone else delivered
it, it'd be better. That's horrible. You sounded
just like him. You ought to be like that. That
was crazy. He said that. What the fuck? He said
those words. You know, some people are meant
to be car salesmen. Yeah. Yes. If he was a car
salesman, he would get mad at you for getting
the car he didn't pick out for you. Yeah, he
would get mad that he sold. the car he didn't
want. He'd be like, Walt, you bought the van
because you needed it, but you could have got
the SUV. But he's making more money. Just because
he didn't pick it. Or if he tries to sell you
something out of budget, you're like, I can't
afford that. Maybe you should in a fucking cane.
Poor ass bitch. I'm like, damn, man, I'm sorry.
He throws papers at me. Shit. We need a car salesman
friend. We do, man. Dude, we do. Oh, I got one.
I was going to say, did you meet any last night?
That seemed like a group of car salesmen friends.
I'm sure one of them, I'm sure one of them sells
in a lot with six cars. But it was cool. Rev.
Shout out Deliciously Nothing. Deliciously Nothing
went down and did their podcast last night. Well,
I thought it was a show. So he's like, come down.
Now I have to read the message again. Maybe I
misread it. I can't wait. But so he's like, come
down. That was the big tornadoes and shit happening,
you know, on Saturday in Alabama and Tennessee
region. And then so I was like, Kim was like,
you shouldn't go. I was like, yeah, but it's
a toga party. I had already purchased my toga,
which was a badass one. And then, you know, it
was my first time performing in Nashville. So
I'm like, hell yeah, I'm going. I'm risking it
for the biscuit. And I get there. I get the address
out the text message. And then I get there. I'm
like, hey, call him. I'm like, hey, dude, I think
I pulled up the wrong. This is the house. And
he's like, yeah, you see the blue lights? Come
on in. So I come in. And then we're in the garage.
And it's like. It's not the show like what I
was thinking. It's a show like a show. Yeah,
like a show on YouTube. Yeah, like a show. So
it's all the comics in there. Because I was sitting
there, I got in there, and I was like, I wonder
where the audience is going to sit. Shout out
David Freelander. Yeah, David Freelander was
there. What's my Bivens? Oh, Matt Bevins? Blevins.
Blevins. He's on it. Okay, hell yeah. And he
was killing the goddamn on the couch, you know,
because you do five minutes of stand -up and
then you go sit and talk to him. And it's all
live on YouTube. So it's a really cool concept.
Just didn't register that's what was going on.
But that's the best when... A guy doesn't know
what that's the best. Well, it was four or five
of us who had no clue. Who had no clue. Well,
you know, we're just like, oh, okay. I love it.
But, you know, it's a new experience and they
were cool. they had this is what dude shout out
andre i don't know his last name i didn't get
any of their socials either because it wasn't
like promoted because it was like the only people
who would come is the comics girlfriend or boyfriend
right it wasn't like promoted for the general
public so uh so i didn't have his i don't have
any of their social media but name was andre
and he was a black dude with uh uh spider -man
outfit on way too small, moose knuckle all out.
And he was the first one. He was the first one
to go up. And I was like, okay, okay. And then
David went up, and it was cool. I went and did
not go up. I did a couple of new jokes, but I
like those new jokes. But then we sat on the
couch and talked, and Rev got really into alternative
medicine in the way of Molly. Oh, okay. That's
interesting. Via Molly. Via Molly. It was a strong...
I like it. It was a strong... He was passionate.
He was passionate. So he's like you with Coke?
Yeah, but see, I'm not that passionate about
it. I don't ever have to do coke again in my
life. I'm good. That's funny. I like it. Because
what you're saying, like, I've heard people say,
because, you know, I do agree with those goddamn
SSRIs and shit. Like, that fucks you up. I mean,
I know it could do its job for people who I know,
if you're really, really, really depressed, that
you take it. But, I mean, even if you do, if
you didn't get it out of the natural way, it's
doing other stuff to your body. You know what
I mean? So I can understand somebody not wanting
to take it. I just never heard Molly as the...
That's the way. You know, people be like, I smoke
weed or I do microdose mushrooms. Yeah, microdose
mushrooms. Maybe go see Valhalla and take in,
what does that shit Joe Rogan be doing? Ayahuasca.
Smelling salts. Huh? Oh, we should get some.
You say smelling salts? Yeah, because you're
like, what did Joe Rogan do? I didn't know he'd
be doing that. Yeah, but with the, yeah, the
smelling salts doesn't make you see. Oh, okay.
But if you did smelling salts while you were
on Ayahuasca? Oh, my God. See, I don't want to
do none of that. So you would do it? No, ayahuasca,
I mean, I wouldn't want to be around anyone.
Because I don't like being tripping like that.
Don't they take you as like a whole shaman? Yeah,
I don't like that. Get off me. I don't like nobody
having control of me and I ain't got control
of myself. Unless it's like I just have to have
them control me. Fucking, nah. Put me in a different
state of mind. Like, oh, we all saw this and
it changed. But I don't want to change my life.
Sounds like me too. That's what that sounds like.
It sounds like you're fucking about to Me Too
me, dude. Sounds familiar, yeah. I wake up, coughing,
somebody's hand in my ass. What? What I was talking
about, you said Me Too, so I was like, damn,
man, if I'm getting altered and I don't know
what's going on, then I phase back into reality
and somebody messing with me. And your finger
in your ass getting aggressive. No, not me, not
me. Oh, no. I was talking about somebody else,
and I'm like, oh, shit, Me Too. No, let's cut
to that. Now, Brandon, we didn't need to sketch
with Brandon with a puppet and the puppet just
coughing. Brandon's hands in his ass. Yeah, man.
Shit. You're all right. It has been. Yeah, man,
that's crazy. I never heard somebody talk about
Marley like that. That's wild. Yeah. Yeah, it's
fun. It's unique. I like it. It was fun. There
was this other, I can't remember her name. I
could tell she was the most probably shocked.
You know, because like, I mean, if you think
about it, if you're... If you think about it,
that's crazy. No, I don't know how it was pitched.
I can't exactly remember. I know he's like, if
you want to come down and do this show, and the
dates and everything. So he probably did say
it, and I was just seeing the show, and I was
like, hell yeah, I'd do it on this date. He probably
told you the name of it, and you could have looked
it up. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's definitely on me.
But you know what I'm saying? We're just fucking
around. So he might have... He might have said
it, but it was more than just me. You could tell.
You could see the people's faces. I love that,
though. That's interesting. It is. And it is.
It's a good setup. He was talking about something
he has going on on the 19th, I believe. Now,
I know I'm doing something the 18th. Oh, 18th
in April is me, Charles Hood, and Jake are doing
our first 30 minutes. Together or each? Each.
But that's going to be Millbrook, Alabama. J
-Dub's the one me and Scott did that one. But
look, for me, it'd be a little dicey because
I did 20 there. Probably a little bit over 20
because J -Dub's didn't like. And it's a small
town. If they all just come to this show that's
once a month, which is... Probably, you know,
realistic. They've already seen 20 minutes of
my shit. The good part. You know what I mean?
That's funny. We'll rate you a new 20. Yeah.
Shit, I need it. I did get two new jokes out
of this week. Two new... Decently long, I mean.
Add three minutes to the set. Add three minutes
to it. All about animals, too. Inspired by the
pot. It's all about animals. Yeah. What type
of specific animal? Any specific animal? Dogs
and donkeys. Perro y burro. For our Mexican listeners.
So that's dog and donkey in Mexican? Perro is
dog. No, gato is cat. Perro. Perro. I'm sorry.
No, you're fine. Burro. Burro. Burro. U -R -R
-O. I had a stroke. We can't be speaking this
in Trump's America right now. How dare you all.
You know what? Fuck. Burrow, man. No. I'm acting
all brave and shit. I like donkeys, man. Doggies
are the shit. They're the best animals. We were
talking about it earlier. They're the best animals,
ain't they? If I was reincarnated, that's what
I'd want to be. After you explained it to me,
I should be the king of the jungle. The joke's
so good, I got him to change his name. Yeah,
he really did because I'm like, dude, he told
me everything they did. He told me everything.
They're badass. I got it from that writing session.
Hell yeah. It's how you go. First, you say a
word, and we go around. It doesn't have to match.
You just say a word, and when you hear a word,
then you can riff off of it, giving you that
little practice. Then we sat in a group, and
we pulled out a name, one noun. Then we write
for six minutes on it, and then you tell them
to your group of four. Everybody breaks down.
Then you do a set that you're working on up there,
and then people give you feedback on it. That
one can get... People, when people, other people
are telling jokes, like you can't take into account
what the joke before and what the joke after,
what the audience already feels with them. So
when they try to change your joke up, you know,
a certain way, it doesn't always work. But as
long as you know how to filter that out and then
just take it. But sometimes I know a couple of
people got. a couple tags out of that shit. And
so that was good. But I did the donkey one. That's
where I got, we pulled donkey out and I wrote,
I actually got, I actually got like three on
it. I'm only going to use one, but I'm pretty
good. I don't want to see the other one. But
donkeys are, donkeys are horses with fetal alcohol
syndrome. You don't like that one? That's good.
No, that's not the joke. That's not my donkey
joke. My donkey joke is a whole bit. What was
that? I'm not telling you. No, what was the fetal
outcome? What was that? No, you just keep on
writing them until, you know, I think I did like
four on donkey. You got six minutes. Until you
get something you can expand more on. Well, no,
you just write for six minutes. So you got six
minutes on donkey. You could do one stream of
consciousness. I was doing jokes. So I wrote,
I think, like five for the donkey, something
for communication. I didn't do good on that.
Kim had a good one on that. I'm going to use
ChatGPT to do this. That's what I'll do. ChatGPT
sucks at that. It does, dude. Creative writing,
these things suck dick. You can't get none of
that. They can do everything but that. Take over
the world. Coding it can do. And that's what's
scary about it is the actual, like, so I've been
fucking with it with code. I don't really know
how to code, but I've been trying to use chat.
I've just been like, make this for me. And then
I just paste it in and it does it pretty good.
Wow. And like, so if you knew anything about
coding and used it to like, I, and we're going
to get to a point where like, I don't think it's
going to take over, but there's going to be things
that. It would make no sense without AI. If we
looked at it without it, it'd be like, what the
fuck are we looking at? We wouldn't know how
to understand it. It's going to improve on pretty
much everything. Not even just that. Everything
is going to improve on because it's so accurate
and all that. It's going to make a lazy generation.
Which will make new problems arise. Like WALL
-E. Yeah. That's what AI wants, though, man.
I feel like they're going to take over. See,
it's just human nature. If you have AI to do
simple, mundane tasks or jobs that just take
the jobs from people, then people are not going
to do those jobs. They're only going to be in
the tech. It's going to be a less physical generation.
It's just flat out. There's no other way around
it. because you have somebody you can you can
know a guy never went to gym is in perfect shape
because he fucking works construction all day
you know what i'm saying like uh that's our like
yeah like i've never worked out and i'm only
fit because i move around because of jolly yeah
it's clear when i don't have a job i like can't
wait like it's that's ridiculous And did you
see AI is already starting to fight people back
and stuff, man? You saw that concert they had
where the robot swung at somebody? In China?
Yeah. They had to hold him back? Yeah. Yeah,
man. Dude, I saw a TikTok. Speaking of AI in
China, this ties in. It was about DeepSeek, their
chat GPT. Apparently, so the whole story is they
were able to make it pretty much. as good or
a little bit better than chat GPT with less resources.
Somehow we don't really know how we don't exactly
know how we just know. I mean, I think we know
exactly how, if we looked at the code, but we
don't, it was really, it's an innovation. And
so it was talking about like, and, and, but this
is, it's public to the world. So there was the
whole thing about the tech talk was like, you
think this is our best. you think we released
our best one to the public yeah all those other
shit that we're not even talking about like was
the whole gist of it yeah Damn. It's coming.
It's going to come fast. Very fast. Hope I'm
old and gone. Is it 130 years? Brandon, it's
going to be here, like, tomorrow. I know, but
I don't want that. It's going to be, like, in
a year, dude. I don't want that, man. Maybe that's,
maybe Trump's, like, Palpatine in Star Wars.
Because, like, and originally Palpatine, like,
the story is he, like, created the Empire over
through the Jedi in order to protect the galaxy
from a greater evil that was coming. So maybe
Trump's doing all this shit. Maybe he does shit
we don't even know about. Maybe the Mexicans
are going to make AI take over. You're going
the wrong way. I don't think they're the ones,
man. Hey, Hawaii changed me, dude. They're MAGA
down there. Wait, for real? Oh, no. That was
going to confuse me to death. They didn't really
talk about, I mean, no one talked about politics.
They don't give a fuck about anything that goes
on the mainland, which they shouldn't. Yeah.
Because it's a totally different lifestyle. First
of all, they had a fire there. Yeah. But, yeah,
second of all, exactly. Yeah. And they didn't
take care of them, all right? No, they didn't.
Well, they were like, we didn't even know. People
on the island were like, we didn't even know
it was Lahaina that burned to the ground. That
was the town that burned to the ground. The people
where we were standing was like, yeah, we didn't
even know because they cut off the cell. All
communication was cut off. We didn't even know
it burned down to the next day. And it's right
over there. I'm like, that's fucking insane.
Damn. That's crazy. It's like us finding out
the redstone arsenal just burned up. We're like,
damn. Or like Jake's neighborhood, or South Huntsville.
They'd be like that more. Actually, yeah. And
if the arsenal was a mountain instead. True.
That's pretty much what it was like. I don't
know if I told this on here, but whenever I was
over there, whenever they said there was a ballistic
missile coming in. Dude, our tour guide, shout
out Lance, was talking about that. Go on. I was
just over there. It was funny. Well, it wasn't
funny, but like it was. I just remember, I want
to say it was a Saturday or Sunday because I
know I was hungover. Or I was sleeping in. And
I hear, you know, you hear that, oh, room. Amber
alert. And I look on the phone and it says. Incoming
ballistic missile, this is not a test. And, you
know, when you're looking at something, you're
just waking up, your eyes ain't even all the
way focused. I look at it, and then I put my
ear up to hear what's going on outside. And I
just hear my roommate getting cereal. And so
I was like, that must be bullshit. And I went
back to sleep. I swear to God, I went back to
sleep for like 30 minutes. And then I was like,
and I hear people outside. I hear stuff. And
I look out and some people are like running out.
I'm like, dude, we about to die. I swear I was
like, and I was like, Ant, man, look that shit
up. He was like, I'm looking up and saying it's
real. I'm like, what? It's real. And you know,
I didn't call anybody. I wasn't like, I was just
like, damn. You were like, Pat. You were like,
how Pat would react. That's confusing. Can we
find, shoot. Can we find we right now? You think
it'd be too intrusive? You think DoorDash is
hopping? Get my last meal. Damn, man. Yo, so
that would've hit. Would it have, like, took
in that whole area? It probably would have, dude.
That's what happened. Where it hit. Which island
it hit. Why is it small? Oh, yeah. Why would
it? It would have took. That depends on how much
they got in there. But if they sent that big
enough one to come over there, it's probably
going to take a good portion of it up. Damn.
I'm glad nothing happened, bro. That would have
been. That would have been there. Yeah. Where's
our Iron Dome, Trump? Where's our fucking Iron
Dome? We need one. Where's our Iron Dome? Israel
has a missile defense system. They call it the
Iron Dome. It's not literally an Iron Dome, but
it intercepts missiles before they... That's
dope. Yeah, with crazy accuracy. It's crazy.
It's actually a Jew's... Too bad nobody can buy
it normally. You just put it on top of your house
just in case. Yeah. That's a good investment,
I think. I think so. I would put my whole life
favor on that shit. Yeah, because it probably
costs you a good couple million. Yeah, a couple.
That's actually good. I would... I've been really
into internet security a lot recently in the
last few years. And I recently saw a YouTube
video. There was this tech guy in San Francisco
that got stabbed in the street. And he was talking
about how people should protect yourself, essentially,
self -defense. And I'm like, that's so interesting.
You need security, physicals. Most important.
Oh, yeah. Without that, you literally have nothing.
Your life's gone. Like, yeah, it's crazy. It
changed my perspective. Yeah, you got to learn
how to fuck a nigga up. True. Yeah, it's getting
crazy. Like, I've also been seeing a lot of crazy
road rape videos in Florida. Like, sadly, they
had one. This one hurt my soul because it was
like this dude was arguing with this one truck,
and then he just drove past him and shot up the
car. And then when they found out, he killed
the wife, and it was her 46th birthday, and she
literally just left the birthday party. And then
injured his daughter and stuff. The dude just
sitting there just wondering what would happen.
And then the dude, who knows if he's going to
get a fair trial. He might just get right out.
And that was wild. Then another one happened
after that where this dude was driving with his
friend. And then the dude jumped in front of
him and then pulled out his gun. And as soon
as he pulled out his gun, he pulled out his gun
and shot through the windshield straight in front
of him. I seen that one. I seen that one. It's
getting crazy. Nobody wants to fight. We got
to get with a goddamn ace. Oh, did Ace talk to
you? Oh, yeah. So I need to hit him up. I told
him I'd tell him. Yeah, hit him up. Because so
far we're good for me, you, Scott, and Jake.
And I think he had like two more people. He had
like Raina or Sierra or something. So, yeah,
I got to ask. Because I keep telling him, I was
like, lock down the date. We'll get you comedians.
Yeah. Shout out to Ace. He's putting on. apartment
shows following the steps of big bro. Isn't that
funny? They're going to start beefing. But it's
going to be one -sided and it's going to be silver.
Beeping with Ace and Ace not knowing what's going
on. I love it. But I love that. That's beautiful.
I don't think Jonathan would get mad at him.
No, not literally. Yeah, because it's enough
out there for everybody. True. Yeah, apartments
come up in Huntsville every fucking day. Oh,
yeah. So many empty ones, too. It's just crazy.
And I bet even the managements are different.
Some of the ones that Jonathan did the first
round of them, I bet the management's different.
Oh, yeah. True. You can go back and double up
or whatever. Hell yeah. That shit good. That's
one of the places you can do 10 minutes consistently.
That shit help you out. Yeah, I don't hear about
that type of thing. We don't advertise it because
it is sort of private or shows. I don't hear
it. That's not a type of show you hear about.
No. Because it's like a step down from corporate
gigs. Not step down. It's a funner. It's a funner,
but less pay. Yeah, it's like in between corporate
and a show, a regular show. Yeah. Because you
get, you know, people are coming down there.
And that's why Jonathan, I mean, he has that
shit down to a sign on which day to have it because
I've been on both. I've been on some on. The
weekends and the weekends aren't a strong. Well,
yeah, because the because people are out. You're
right. The apartments want to do it on days where
they know their people are in. Yeah, exactly.
And that's smart. And that's you get people there.
They're usually good crowds. You know, a lot
of them don't like a couple of them don't like
me. But that's one of those. It's kind of like
the small town ones were like, that's what is
going on there. And that's what's in their world.
Like they live there. That's their world. So
they're going to, you know, there are that type
of person that will just come. to whatever and
enjoy it. Yeah. That shit. True, because that's
like a big event. Mm -hmm. Like, they're like,
oh, shit, we got this, we never have that. Yep.
So you go down there. Comedy. Yeah. Your boy's
got to get your minutes set because Spoke, who
I do a joke, it's called Probably Is, and it's
inspired by my boy Spoke DeLeon, the one and
only. And he was like, yeah, they be having comedians
down here at Castle Ridge. It's a small town,
like a very small town, but they do have like
this event. Send him to the castle. Oh, yeah,
yeah. And he was like, you'll never be having
no black comics. But you come down here, you
sell that thing out. We'll all go see you. If
we go down there, though, we could fuck them
up. Dan would have to headline. I think they
would eat Dan apart. Everyone should. In my opinion,
everyone should be. Oh, yeah, Dan's the shit.
Dan is the shit. But he can mingle with that.
He can, like. He would eat it up. Dan would be
walking around, hey, I love when Dan, nothing's
better than when Dan kills. Because I feel happy.
I don't know why, when he kills, he's just walking
around, he's floating, he's like. It's because
he started to drink after he got off the stage.
He finally has a drink. A little tipsy. Feeling
like he's on top of the world. Hell yeah. Damn
Price, shout out. Hell yeah. Let me give him
applause. Keep moving. Before we roll, so y 'all
were gone on Wednesday for the great Fat Sammy's
Black Panther Hidden Dragon. Yeah, I heard something,
yeah. So we get there, right? First of all, there's
two of the most beautiful women I've ever seen
in Huntsville there. One, Jake was riffing on
them, and one looked like, he said she looked
like Halloween. She was goth, but the other one
was with pink and green on, and he was like,
you just met Easter, and they both were drop
-dead gorgeous, right? Now, whenever I went up
there, I talked to the other two that were next
to him who weren't as hot, but they still looked
good. Hey, I know my place. All right. Well,
Jake doesn't. It's the moral of the story. He
definitely doesn't. But Jake went up there, and
he did good on the riffing at first, and then
it went down. We were talking about it. We're
like, we're doing all new shit. So my plan was...
I write five minutes. I've never done this before
on one topic and try to do that. So I go up,
and Charles goes right before me. It doesn't
go well for Charles either. Hood? Charles Hood,
yeah. It was a real struggle, and I was like,
damn, so I got to get their attention. And I
did. I got their attention. That was the hard
part. I got them in there. I'm like, I'm doing
a joke. The whole thing was on my mom, so I was
like, I'm going to start off with my mom called
us niggas. I'm going to start off. start off
with that in that joke i have a a part where
i ask him you know if um what they think I am,
what kind of race they think I am. And I asked
this one girl and she was like, just right. And
I was like, Oh, I said, what? Strategy worked.
Did you talk to her after? So, so, so she said,
just right. I'm like, I'm like, Oh, not that
I'll play it off. Oh, I didn't think I was going
to get that. And then everybody's listening for,
and, uh, It probably only happened before that.
I was like, safe comment. Maybe when Charlie
was up, Charlie did really good. So he was pretty
much the only one to get him before that. And
then, so I had them all listening. And I said
to Judy, I said, I said, I'm better than you.
It's in a different kind of way. No, it's just
a joke. But I was talking about Germany juice.
You said you're better than juice. Hey. Not a
first time ever. Sometimes I get girls or sometimes
I get other things. But first time ever, it was
silence. And I just looked up and it almost took
my knees out like I did. It happens with you
sometimes. Yeah. And when you say it, some audiences,
it's happened. Yeah. And it was. it was crazy
because I got them on the hook to lose them so
fast. And then it was almost like, you know,
when you're in a movie and like somebody walks
through the door and then everybody just goes
about their day. So everybody just started talking
to him. Like, we don't need to listen to any
more of this. And the girl like, look so disappointed.
There was her and her friend. And then I come
off, I come off the stage and I'm, and Raina's
like, you better go talk to her. And I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, Raina. I just fucking bombed.
She said her exact words. Nothing's more confident
than a man who just bombed and will still go
talk to you. So I'm like, you know what, Raina,
you're right. I went over there. I tried to tap.
I was like, hey, how you doing? She turned her
head. She turned her head on me. And I just looked
back at Raina behind. I was like, I'm going to
kill you. I cannot believe it. I knew it. I was
like, I was like, I see. Raina didn't get to
see her face. I seen her face soon as I said
that. From smile to. And I still try to, but
it was a good time. That's what you need. Reina's
like, every time I've bobbed and hit on a woman,
I've succeeded. It's like, Reina, it's because
you're fucking, look at you. Yeah, man. Son of
a bitch. Shout out, Reina. Shout out. Hey, but
you don't lose. You only lose what you try. I
don't know. You miss 100 % of the shots you don't
take. Wayne Gretzky, Michael Scott. Hell yeah.
Basketball, man. Alright, y 'all. That was the
episode. Hell yeah. It was a good episode. We're
back, baby. We're back. Back to it. My ass hurts.
My ass too. Hate Scrappy -Doo.