This week on Clown College. Oh my god. That'd
be horrible. I was treating one and they went
to the fucking doctor. They didn't even look
in there. Went to urgent care. He was like, yeah,
okay, this is what you do. Prescribe me something
that I went to four different pharmacies and
can't get. Guess where he got the medicine from.
Where'd you get this medicine from? Star Market
was the only place. That's where I get my medicine
from. Really? Yeah, that's where that person's
from. It's a compound because a compound means
they have to make it. So I still haven't got
it yet because it takes a day to make it. So
it's just some Asian man in the back making it
for you? Dude, it's that sidecar. No, my bad.
I don't mean to be afraid. His name is Hassan.
He's a good guy. So it's not that pharmacist
back there? Because I had... You remember that
pharmacist I told you tried to violate me? At
that concert? That was Star's Market. I feel
like a lot of stories come back to... Welcome
to Clown College. We have profound knowledge
in many ways to elevate and make you sound polished.
So if you want to hear a little honest, a few
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stick around for a while to fit down to Clown.
We've got a guest right now just to show you
how. Let's all go to Clown College, baby. It's
with Brandon, Willis, John, and JJ. Let's all
go to Clown College, baby. with Brandon Willis.
the way that you are. I don't know, man. And
he's going to make it make a little noise just
because he wants to. What are you talking about?
Don't touch it. You don't have to touch it. Oh,
okay. Yo, you know I let Chipotle out earlier
and it's like, oh, white lady kept like... Calling
the beans Negroes. How would I know that? What?
Yeah, she just kept yelling. And then because
she said it in like a Mexican accent, she was
like, I want the Negroes. The Negroes. And then
when I looked over, she was just white as hell.
Well, that's what that means in Spain. I know,
but I was like, you could have said black beans.
She just kept saying like aggressively. Maybe
she was Spanish, though. She do. When she started
talking, it was country as hell. Well, they have
white Spanish as hell. Oh, so she just wanted
to say Negro. Yeah, because she was like country
as hell. I was like, damn. How'd she look? Oh,
man. Like 75, had the glasses. Pro -Trump. How
do you know she was pro -Trump? She looked like
a patriot. That's what I'm saying. Open carry,
you know, shit like that. She would shoot my
ass. I saw a decked out Uber driver, like had
an Uber t -shirt and a, you know, pistol and
shit. Like she was full on open carry. She had
combat boots on. And I was like, what's going
on? That's what you need with your female Uber
driver. Oh, well, yeah. I agree. That's what
she said. She was telling me that Uber is the
most dangerous job. She'll get shot more than
cops. It's way more dangerous than cops. I don't
know about all that. I don't know about that.
Might be stretching that one. Yeah, I mean, I
wouldn't shoot an Uber driver. Me neither. Why?
It's very rare to be a murderer for nothing but
noodles, you know. I saw a dude pull up with
an axe going into a music store earlier, too.
I was going in to join. What? Yeah. What was
he doing with the axe? He went into the guitar
center up there in Mid -City? Yeah. Wait, are
you talking about like an axe? No, I'm talking
about like a legit axe. What if it was just a
guitar shaped like an axe? Oh, dude, that was
an axe. Oh, no. I was like, I need it. Wait,
was it an ask? No, an axe. Like slicing some
trees down. Yeah. Well, look up the axe attack
in Huntsville. You didn't see a craw about to
happen. Six murdered in a guitar store. Man was
wielding an axe. It's just Brandon fleeing the
scene. Like, I don't even know about all this.
You can see me asking for it. I'm like, I need
that. I don't know why. I look cool. Damn, bro.
He kind of looked like that dude, but that's
not him. What? He looked like a serial killer.
That's not him, but he looked like that guy.
Oh, my God. There's a pain there. If only his
stepdad hadn't touched him or whatever happened.
I mean, he's very pretty. I understand why his
stepdad did it. Wow. Well, he's no JonBenet.
Jesus Christ. Yeah, he's a boy. Yeah. What are
you going to do? Not much you can do. Let me
accept and save that. We'll put JJ's face on
it. We'll Photoshop his eyes, nose, and mouth.
We can put Charlie on there quite easily. Oh,
yeah. Quite easily, yeah. Just have him look
up like that and then just cut it. I think Charlie's
hair more taken care of. Yeah, it would take
Charlie a minute, but he would be like, no, my
hair has no oil. When he started out, Charles
Hood. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That
does look like Charles Hood. He did have long
hair. I want to put one of those if I can find
that. You put a wig on him. That's him. I've
got a picture of Charles with his long hair.
Yeah, he looked goofy. He looked like. Evan Peters
from fucking the serial killer. And I've got
him looking up at a compatible angle for this.
American Horror Store? No, the one where he played
the dude. He looked like just that kind of 70s.
Like, yeah, killer. Dahmer was a good one. He
got a lot. Charles gets me. He got a bad rap.
He was a real scallywag, that guy. Ah, man, he
would have got us all, bro. Fuck that. He would
have got us. He would have got anything over
here. He was just into a little horseplay. I
would have ate his ass before he ate my ass,
bro. Fuck that shit. I'll tell you that shit.
I'm just fucking with you, man. I'm like, nah,
man. You gonna try to cook me? You gonna eat
his ass? I don't think he would've fallen for
all of it. You wouldn't have fallen for all of
it. Oh, no, not all of it. I can't believe he
got those black dudes in his fucking house. That's
what the fuck I'm saying. Now, what part of it
do you think he would have fallen for? So, see,
I would have been at first, I could have been
like, hey, man, we're going to be friends and
shit. But then once, look, look, once I pulled
up to the house, because I'm already suspicious,
man. I don't know why. But he got you back to
the house. Yeah, but as soon as I get to the
house, I'm going to have something just in case.
So if he pull out something, I pull out something,
too. If it happened right now, what would you
have? But he drugged him. Let's see. Because
it would be you guys are at the bar. Oh, it's
a cool dude. I'm going to go back home with him.
Yeah. No, I'm not going back home. You just said
you would. No, okay, and I'll take that back.
Wait a minute, so he's taking them back at the
club? Wherever. He could be at a coffee shop
or whatever. He would profile you, dude. He would
tell you he's got something signed by Kurt Angle.
Damn. He's got a fish tank and a PlayStation
6. You'd be like, PlayStation 6? And you'd go
over there, and he drugged him, dude. So you
go over there, you want to play PlayStation,
he gives you a ginger ale and whiskey. Just like
I gave you a drink out there, you're just like...
Okay, I really know you. Every time I go to somebody's
house, I'll... if they offer me a drink I'll
just have one no man I don't know I mean I'd
have to be really cool with the person. See,
he'd do it weird. He'd, like, pour it. See, no
one I've ever asked for a drink from, like, has
poured it in a cup like that. No. That kind of
shit. Oh, yeah. Right? Like, you know. I mean,
he could put the roofie in the can, right? Yeah.
He cracks it for you. Hey, pro tips for any fellers
out there. You know, actually, man. First of
all, though. A little sleight of hand. I couldn't
do it now. I've been watching, like, these prison
videos of my uncle. And I learned that there
was, like, one thing where if you, like, take
a bunch of stuff from, like, a random dude, especially,
like, in there, and it's, like, that type of
mentality, they're going to do something in the
end that you're not going to want. Like, then
they be like, hey, man. You owe me. Yeah, you
owe me. You owe me. And it's usually the ass.
Well, sometimes. And then, like, you got to fight
in the cell and shit. Yeah, they want your significant
other to bring in drugs for you, you know. Oh.
So you can bring in drugs, but sometimes it ain't
a penetration test. Most of the times it is.
And I saw that booty warrior. Did you see that
booty warrior Instagram thing where he talking
about you fart? Yeah, and he said if you fart,
that means that you're like. thing is real loose
and stuff like that. Did you hear? You never,
nobody said. I do know the booty war. I do know
the booty war. I don't know what you're talking
about. No, he literally said, he said, like,
if you fart in prison, that's a bad thing because
then people are going to be looking around and
be like, ooh, man, that dude, that man is loose.
We're going to go in there. It's a call sign.
Yeah. It's a mating call. And we would have all
been fucked, man. We all farted. I fart like
a motherfucker. Me too. I farted. I was farting
on the way here. You mean on the way from the
living room to the podcast? Man, I'm in my car.
I let it rip in there. I'm not going to let it
rip in your house. You hotbox yourself or you
roll down the window? Nah, man. I don't roll
down the window for nothing. Yeah. I mean, I
feel you. I like the smell, too. You want to
know where you're at. Oh, 100%. Oh, yeah. See
what's wrong with you, man. There was one time.
You're like, what are the diagnostics? Yeah.
You're like, everything good? Awesome. Patient
assessment on your own ass. Dude, once ChatGPT
can smell, dude, it's over. Yeah, I guess. It's
already over. Probably away. I don't think it
needs to even smell for it to be over, dude.
Shit, it's all right. It's all cool. Remember
Marvel's Endgame? You know, he could never smell,
dude. He's still running shit. What? Marvel's
Endgame? Brandon knows what's up. Yeah. The Endgame,
the movie Endgame. Oh, no, my bad. Wait, are
you talking about Age of Ultron? Yeah, Age of
Ultron. Because I haven't watched Endgame. I
never saw the Endgame. Yeah, Age of Ultron with
the dude from Blacklist. He played the AI. Oh,
yeah, James Spader. Yeah, James Spader. He's
sick. He is sick. We should get him on the podcast.
Just like we should get, you know, fucking Kevin
Spacey. Exactly. Hey, nice. Kevin Spacey might
be out. First of all, Kevin Spacey, dude, we
need to get Alec Baldwin. He might come on since
he just came out on the Epstein list. He came
out on the Epstein list. Yes, he did. And also,
so there's a new show on E! Yes. Called The Baldwins.
Yeah. The reality show. Why would you do this
to yourself? He did that before. This is the
fall of the House of Baldwin. Literally. It's
like, dude, Stephen must be on Vlad TV just looking
like... You know what I mean? He just had to
know what it felt to drop the hammer on that
camera lady. He just had to know. He fucking
put her down. And Stephen Baldwin's on Vlad TV
like, I've killed people. I've done it. No, I'm
just saying. Stephen Baldwin's just goofy as
fuck. And he's on Vlad TV, weirdly. Yeah, what
the fuck is Stephen Baldwin doing on Vlad? That's
an ugly motherfucker. You ever seen Vlad? Look
up Vlad. Oh, yeah, look up Vlad. And look up
Stephen Baldwin, also ugly. Can we get a side
-by -side? Like, Alec Baldwin's the hot Baldwin,
for sure. Imagine that. He was a stud back in
the day. Dude, Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. Hold on,
let me say DJ. That's Vlad Tepes. That could
be a good Halloween costume, dude. It could.
Now you know his brother was gay. Yeah. His brother
was gay for like Mohammed II. What? Yeah, a guy
who conquered Istanbul. Looked a lot like you.
You mean Constantinople? Yeah, Constantinople.
Go down to the middle with the red in the bottom.
Oh, God. He looks like Paul Giamatti. Oh, right
here? To the right, yeah. Looks like John Candy.
He kind of looks like John Candy. Yeah, John
Candy looks so much better than him. Oh, yeah.
John Candy looks amazing. Okay. Seven books recommended
by DJ. I'm going to go back. Little Red Riding
Hood. Little Red Riding Hood. Yeah, man. The
book that they all rapped, the llama book. Everybody
poops. I love his voice. He sounds like such
a shit -eating motherfucker. It's so funny. I
do like him a lot. His stuff, he do be good.
Like, they got mad at him for getting, like,
rappers to snitch on his stuff. Like, come on,
man. If you dumb enough to go fucking talk to
somebody about a murder that is unsolved, you
know what I mean? What are you doing? They're
very stupid. Yeah, you crazy. Why would you talk
about it? Never talk about it. You need to hide.
I would wake up in cold sweats. Me too. Me too.
They're just going to talk about it in an interview.
You could never live a day in peace. Y 'all ever
see The Jinx? Nope. Yes. And then he admits it
on camera. He admits it on camera. And then he
tries to go back. Jinx is one of the best documentaries
of all time. It's the best documentary of all
time. Have you seen part two? Yeah. Part two,
great too. Great too. Great. Great. The first
part, I don't even want to tell you what happened.
Just watch it. First of all, it's batshit crazy
that people just knew that. He just said, yeah,
I killed somebody and got off. You know, he's
like, not only say, he said, I killed him. I
chopped him up because I got scared. Didn't do
a day. No, not a day. He told him that he chopped
somebody up. And he was already suspected of
killing his wife. Yes. That's his second one.
One time in the interview, he said, like, what
would matter if I told anybody where, like, Kathy
was buried? And it was like, nobody ever said
she was buried. Damn, man. And he's like, I just
assumed. He's in jail right now. Oh, he's dead
now. But, I mean, he was on the run. I mean,
not on the run. He was just out for, like, 80
years, 70 years or something like that. During
the trial and the second one, he's talking shit.
He's on the stand talking shit. The lawyer's
asking him questions, and he's just like, you
just asked me the longest question anybody's
ever asked me on my panel. He's being a cunt!
thing. He's talking shit. They're like, did you
kill three people? He's like, no. And they asked,
they said, would you tell me, would you lie to
me if you did kill him? He was like, yeah. He's
like, of course I would lie. Smart man. He was
just hitting him with Jew facts. And he was.
He was a dirty he. I saw him from a mile away.
Jinx is Yiddish. Yiddish. I'm going to watch
this. Oh, dude, it's great. It's up there with
the best. It's one of them. Oh, you foiled my
gefilte jinx. And then when Colin Farrell went
on, he went on Jimmy Kimmel and did that detective
thing, like two truths and a lie. And they have
it in the envelope. And it's him and Vince Vaughn.
And he's like. One of the things that could have
been his was a lie or is it a truth was I almost
got charged with was a suspect in a murder case.
But I got cleared because I was on ecstasy and
I wrote in my journal that I was somewhere else.
And that worked. So he's like so he was like,
I blacked out. So I don't know. So so Vince Vaughn's
looking. I'm like, so there's still an unsolved
murder going around here. And he's like, yeah.
Damn, man. And then when he came back on, he
did an impression of Robert Dirt's The Jinx.
Colin Farrell? Colin Farrell. Dude, you got to
watch it. And then afterwards, you get Vince
Vaughn's. Afterward, he was like, yeah, I didn't
know that story until right then. He was like,
I thought it was going to be something fun, something
light. You know how Vince Vaughn is. This is
something fun. I didn't know you were going to
tell me about a murder that you could have been
involved in. Damn, bro. He's too hot. I thought
he looked uglier when I thought of him. No, no,
he's a stud. He looks like Oliver. Who's Oliver
Stone? What? Not Oliver Stone. Oliver. Oliver.
Roger Stone? No. He was on like Tiger Belly and
shit. Oh, Tiger Belly. Oliver. Tree? No. Oh,
the kid that went by. That's like Joe Pesci right
there. Who? Oliver Tree. Remind me of Joe Pesci
a little bit. Don't ever say that again. What
do you do? About the great Joe Pesci's name.
Dude, that's one of my favorite actors. Don't
put him in the fucking same category as Oliver
Tree in anything. Well, no, he's not compared.
I said, like, looks a little bit like Oliver
Tree. Hold on, let's find one. Without glasses.
There was a comedian wearing that exact outfit
the other night at Levity Live. I swear to God,
fuchsia and everything. There was another comedian
who was wearing glasses. What the fuck? He looks
like Alex DiMascalo. He looks like a fucked up
virgin. Like he just got in a fight and his whole
face is like bent. This is wild on heroin. Send
that to him. He'll love that. My Cousin Vinny,
one of the best movies of all time. I love it.
Oh, yes. Great movie. Yes, she's one of the hottest
women of all time. Just the appearance a little
bit. No, they look nothing alike. Like the face,
not the hair. I mean, nothing alike. I would
lay that man down. Maybe from Mike. Brandon,
you're seeing just the common nose. Yeah, that's
probably what it is. Look up, you ever seen Cry
Baby? Are we recording? Yeah, we're recording.
No, like the screen? Oh, no. Okay, then never
mind. He's been taking the pictures. Yeah, that's
fine. What did you say? Crazy to my crop, right?
Johnny Depp? Johnny Depp, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's
how y 'all pronounce it, right? Yeah, yeah. Alex
going to Hawaii. Oh, my God. Hey, hello. Be with
your people. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited to
feel like not the only one. You're going to have
a lot of y 'all over there. You might run into
some Japanese, though. Nah, I'm Japanese. There's
more Chinese tourists than what you can get over
there. There's a lot of Japanese tourists. I
know we're in a touristy part. Let me tell you,
America, they don't move. They don't move out
the way. They're always in packs. It's like 100
of them on a sidewalk, and there's a highway
on the street, so you can't walk in that. you
pretty much have to go through them like a bowling
ball. You literally just have to elbow them until
you get through. And they're small, so you hit
their heads a lot. Do you run sometimes? Do you
like to run sometimes? I would love to do that.
Is that where your toast comes from? Zimmy Zocky
Zimmy Zocky. And then you just mash them. Boom.
It's like Madagascar, too, when he went to Africa,
saw all the lions there. Yeah. Hell yeah. Who
is he? Who? What was the animal that went? Alex,
right? Alex. That was his name. Alex the lion.
Yeah, but Alex the lion? Rawr. Oh, that is a
big affair. Yeah, man. Hell yeah. No, that's
a good shit. That movie's good. Madagascar 2
was still good. It was. It's one of those sequels
that are still good. If we get this gay guy off
the fucking... Yeah, listen. No, Johnny Depp.
Oh, yeah, no. Dude, we should watch the Amber
Heard trial. Oh, my God. Dude, I see that where
I was going all like... It's too long. I think...
Just the highlights. Well, no, we should watch
the whole thing because I think she came out...
I think... I think she came out looking way worse
than she actually should. Not saying that she
didn't do anything bad, like shitting in a bed
or whatever, but, like, he hired, like, this
massive PR team to, like, cover his shit up during
that whole thing, and she didn't have, like,
Johnny Depp. They both were doing crazed things
that they like. They liked that. That's the only
reason they were madly in love, because they
liked that shit, and that's what they were doing.
She's crazed. Yes, he is crazed, too. The alcohol.
He doesn't even know what he's doing. He's just
like a Marilyn Manson. They're both just fucking
gone. He's going to do another Pirates of the
Caribbean, I think. Really? Caribbean. I haven't
seen the first one yet. I've got to watch that.
God damn it. If we counted all the times you
just destroyed a word. But he's going to do it.
You know, he might come back. He might do it.
Rango 2. Ooh, I love Rango, man. I remember when
that came out. I knew you would. I knew you would.
I had the whole game system, man. I was a kid
when it came out. I was like 8. I was 8 years
old. You were prime Rango. I was 8 years old,
man. You were prime. You were perfect for Rango.
Yeah, man. You watched Paddington? Paddington?
I have seen Paddington. Paddington's great. Dude,
it's actually legitimately a great movie. Made
me cry. And I can't even explain why. It's really
just a kid's movie, but it's just great. They
just did it really great. It's hard. It'll touch
your heart. Doom 2 will touch your heart. Doom
2's not good. I never watched Doom. Paddington's
like a bear they find in Africa, but they're
in a safari in Africa like these bears. British
Imperial. But like, it's just that there are
these bears that live in tree houses already.
Like they're just smart. They just talk. Yeah.
They just talk. And then one just comes back
with them. Like, yeah. He just goes around town
like a regular person. Yeah. Well, he's like
a little kid. Okay. Theo Vaughn was talking about
him. He was saying how British bears would never
be caught naked and shit. More class, whatnot.
Shit like that. Theo Vaughn hasn't seen some
dirty fucking Brits, dude. At least online. Maybe
not in life. But what about their bears? But
what about their bears? I don't know if they
have bears. Are their bears well -dressed? There's
a European brown bear. I met one British dude
in my life, and I embarrassed myself. So it was
when I went to Mexico with my brother. He's like,
I'm having my friends come out. And this dude
was married to one of his wife's friends. And
I'm like, oh, you're British. I'm always wanting
to meet a British person. He's like, yeah, he's
talking with the accent. I'm like, I couldn't
think of anything to say. So I was just like,
you guys say like bruv. And he went like this.
He was like, yeah, they say that and didn't talk
to me the rest of the trip. Damn, man. That's
just a genuine question. It was so bad. I knew
I fucked up as soon as I said it. I'm like, I
got too excited, though. I'm like, I got a real
one. This is right here. That's so funny. It
could have been worse. What could have? You could
have tried to do the accent. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
That's terrible. That's like doing a Chinese
accent to a Chinese guy. It's absolutely crazy.
Do a British accent. So you get to say bruv,
do you? Right? You know? Okay. Shrimp on the
barbie. That's Australian. That's Australian.
Australian's easy. I know how to say one sentence
I learned from a podcast. I like that hat, mate.
What does that mean? I like that hat, mate. I
like that hat, mate. I like that hat, mate. My
favorite thing to say in a British accent is
you are not a cool guy. You're a dirty drunk.
You watch Peaky Blinders. You're like a Peaky
Blinders Sigma, dude. I don't watch Peaky Blinders,
dude. I don't know. Peaky Blinders, it's just
going to be a lot. I'm trying to re -watch The
Sopranos right now. Don't go walking. All right.
Gabagool. Gabagool. No ganji. But, dude, Sopranos
is well fucking done. But the intro, I can't
fucking stand. Don't go. Really? No, I can't
stand it. People love the intro. I know. Because
it came on too many times? Well, it's on in front
of every episode. It's outdated and it's long
as fuck. It's just like the Game of Thrones intro.
It's fucking ridiculous. It's insane at some
point. But that tells the story. The Game of
Thrones one, I don't know if it tells part of
the story. It does with the map, yeah. Great
intros. Peacemaker. Peacemaker is an amazing
show. I did not skip a single one. I laughed
every single time. I slept on Peacemaker for
the longest time. It's great. Two's coming out
sometime this year, I think. But that writer's
strike fucked tons of shit up, dude. Dude, it's
crazy how much I think The Rock is the least,
even though he's the most paid actor now, he
has the least chops of him, John Cena, and Batista.
John Cena and Batista. I think by a good margin.
I guess John Cena does play the dumb character
really well. You know, that dumb funny character.
That is kind of his only good character. So I
may be giving him a little bit too much, but
that shit was good. He could do, like, a Mickey
Rourke. I could see him doing a dramatic thing,
though. I could, too. I'd be interested to see
if he did. Like him trying to stop a bomb or
something? John Cena? Yeah, like, get on the
ground. Oh, well, that easily. I'm talking about,
like, an actual dramatic role. John Cena's just
become synonymous with retards. Yo, did you see?
There's nothing you can do about that. They do.
He is really good at improv, because you see
the outtakes on some of those movies. They just
let him go. He still does lie. Like the Will
Ferrell movies where they just let him go and
go or whatever. Yeah, you got to, dude. Will
Ferrell's outtakes on Eastbound and Down is some
of the best. Those hairy plums. So if you guys
didn't notice, JJ's not here. He didn't shit
himself this time. No. But I guess let's take
a look and see where he's at. Let's see where
he's at. Let's see what he's up to. Live from
a hotel. Nashville sitting in the cup chair.
What if I was with the beans? They've all got
one. And this room actually has like a cup couch.
You can't see it, but there's a whole like little
living room next to the bed. I imagine maybe
like a community could come up here and have
a little coffee cake or something like the yellow
sticker one from Walmart. You can get them for
like probably less than three dollars. they might
expire the next day but you know if your wife
is about to have sexual intercourse with another
man you're probably not thinking about longevity
i don't know i think the cup chair gets a bad
rep you know it's the only place in the hotel
room that doesn't have gum on it somewhere overseas
scientists just invented a car that runs on water
it converts the water into ethanol or something
the only thing i can turn water into right now
is piss i've been trying what else is up i don't
know what the guys are talking about man i miss
those rascals you know brandon probably almost
got molested again that's always it's always
a good time dumb still fat probably hey alex
you know thanks for all your hard work doing
the editing i bet you're living it up in hawaii
man but don't don't venture out too far man when
the tourists might mistake you for a hula girl
and just steal you away man put them on put you
on their dashboard with your you know that thing
i don't know is that racist i can't tell i can't
tell anymore that's it dude i'm tired of editing
this shit Take us out, Joe. Yo, I've been obsessed
with that guy, though. That tornado siren guy,
man. Like, dude, I do a perfect impression of
him, man. Like, I've been doing it all day. Like,
everybody's been getting mad at me in my house
because I keep doing it. And they're like, okay,
guys, tornado sirens. And I'll be like, there's
a gorilla after me. Fifteen gorillas. There's
a tornado. Time to run. Oh, my God. He's a guy.
In my bed. What the fuck? Tornado siren time.
I love that guy, man. I've been, like, following
up on him every day. I love him now. He's growing
on me now. Dude, I just, man. I want to meet
him one day. We'll become friends. Do you think
he'd? Yeah, hell yeah. Maybe one day. One day.
One day what? You'll meet him. Oh, yeah. You'll
probably be in the same kind of groups as him.
Oh, dude, hey, I hope so. It'd be an honor. We'd
be in the same class. Hit him with that ring.
He'll know what's up. He's also trying to be
a firefighter. He's trying to be the siren. Oh,
dude, he could be on top of the fire truck. Just
make that noise. If you do that while you're
on the call, dude. No, I'm not. I was talking
about him. I just hired him to be my sire. And
I'm like, yo, man. Brandon would drive the ambulance
and make sound effects at the same time. With
a dying person in the back, he'd be like, woo,
woo. We're going to get you there. Stop, beep,
beep. And then he does the hand signal, like
the turn signal. He would. Squiree rolling down
the window. He's like, hold on. Holy shit. Oh,
do you know those? Yeah, left, right. Yeah, left,
right. I've seen people do that in front of me.
He just did left, right. People do that in front
of me. Stop. When they don't have blinkers because
they don't work. Eddie also did it wrong. He
did. I don't. I never did that before. I watch
people do it. They do it in front of me. Like
when they're driving, their blinkers off. They'll
just do all those signs. One dude, he'd be like
this. That's the Roman salute. Yeah, that's what
Elon Musk was doing. He was just motioning with
his director. He was just showing where his heart
was. Dude, I swear to God. He's not even settled
about it. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't
mean anything. What if he gets an X? The crazy
thing is people will still... You should do the
mustache. No, no. See, I don't really like them.
You know what I'm saying? I make jokes. People
like him, they... Look, I'm telling you. You
got to get these nerds out the office. He's South
African. Dude, see, the thing is, I understand
thinking Nazi jokes are funny. Sure. Like, fine.
But, like, to actually like that, like, because
that shit's cringe as fuck. Like, for Hitler,
it was literally, like, he's clearly retarded.
But to play into it. Like, you know, he's like,
oh, I'm going to make it. But it's like you might
not want to go too far. To turn around and bust
another one. He hit it and then he turned around.
He's like, in case anybody missed it, there it
is again. And it's all the move, they call it
the Overton window. That's what people think
is, like, reasonable and won't, like, riot over,
right? So, like, they just keep on doing things
more and more, but, like, never too far to where,
like, you know, their people will jump ship.
No, I don't think he's a Nazi. No, but he's doing
it on purpose. But he's using the Nazis to his
benefit. He likes the troll. He knows what he's
doing. Yeah, he's smart. Deep state. If there
is a deep state, God, please. If there's a deep
state, please fucking save us. Deep state. Work
your magic, God. Jews, Jews control the media.
Please take it back. Yeah, it's a lot of crisis
going on. Did you guys see the other horrible
crisis thing where John Cena turned heel, man?
He turned a bad guy. Did you see it? Yeah. I
mean, that's pretty much the same thing as being
a Nazi. Basically what he did, he was like, fuck
them kids, bro. And then you saw The Rock pulled
out the bell, started whipping Cody Rhodes. He's
like, huh? What? Whipped him like my mom. What
is? You know what I mean. Because John Cena turned
heel. Yes, he did. And people are mad about this.
No, what I'm mad about is why didn't he do this
10 years ago? Wasn't he always heel? No, he was
never heel. Your mom would have been a good heel.
No, no, he's never been a good heel. She would
have whooped everybody's ass. I thought he was
rapping in Chinese, like doing ching chong shit.
No, no, that was real life. Well, that doesn't
mean you're heel. That's just a good time. That
wasn't fake. That was like legit him. He wasn't
even on WWE doing that stuff. I was like, damn,
okay. No, I meant like in the ring. So that was
the good guy. Oh, he's always been the good guy.
That's funny. You talking about Thuganomics 2002?
Sure. I don't even know. Imagine John Cena's
market in China. How many Down Syndrome people
do they have? Millions? Well, you know that whole
story, right? Well, yeah, like he said something.
He said Taiwan was a country. Oh, yeah, I saw
that. I mean, how dare he? They wanted him to
keep a one -China policy. I don't know about
that. Hey, we have our own Israel -Palestine
arrangement. Well, you know, they left in like
1780. I know it's got to be so much money to
be able to, because it's easy to sit back and
be like, I would never do that. But it has to
be like a lot of money. I would have to do it
in like a funny way, an inside way where they
didn't know what I was talking about, but I was
clearly making fun of them. Like Americans would
know, but they wouldn't. Like an apology. Oh,
right, right. Because, you know, if they're like,
okay, you got 15 people that rely on you, and
this is going to be a fourth of your guys' income.
Sometimes you got to pony up and be like, you
know, we're not going to do that. We're going
to take it back, but you got to do it in a slick
way. In some way, say, fuck the Chinese. You
do it real sincere, but you put on a rice paddy
hat. There's a guy named Jesse's Tea House. I
found him during the pandemic. He reviews teas.
I followed him, and he's actually an American.
He's an expat who lives in China and does stand
-up in Chinese. Oh, shit. He's just a white dude
who's like... Slays? Exactly. I'm sure he fucking
slays tons of... Because he speaks. He's really
knowledgeable about the culture. So, like, yeah.
There's a guy I watch on fucking YouTube and
Instagram and shit, and he just speaks fluent.
Like, he speaks fluent Chinese. That dude. Fluent
Korean? Yeah. They love him. These women... They
love him. He speaks all the... Ethiopian. He'll
speak like... He speaks... Yeah, he speaks...
He's got everything. He'll learn a language and
then go to the place. And when he talks to these
girls, he's reasonably cute. When he talks to
these girls, like on chat roulette or whatever,
you know, they always fall in love with him.
The second he busts out in their language, they're
like, oh, my God. It's crazy. All these Filipino
girls. They go crazy. They just... You could
throw their panties against the wall. Like, it's
insane. They'd stick. Wow. They'd stick, huh?
Yeah, they'd stick, Brandon. That's because it's
the third world yeast infection. Exactly. You
could drown a toddler in those panties. You could
also culture a wonderful sourdough. That's why
when I was a kid, I tried to learn French. But
imagine the dough, Brandon. The dough? Like what,
the money? No, the sourdough. Oh, the sourdough,
okay. Because of the yeast. Oh, yeast infection?
Is that what you're talking about from all them
panties? I'm sorry. You could harvest your lady's
yeast and make a nice bread. You can do that.
Dude, did you see there was a dude, an Xbox shareholder
or something, that made like 4 ,500 -year -old
bread with some yeast? I know. That's kind of
cool, though. That is very cool. You eat it?
Oh, dude, that's a good question. I didn't finish
it. I was just like, that's a bold -ass dude.
I would eat it. There was a... Shit, what was
I just about to say? Something about the yeast.
I know they found a lot of old wine before. Yeah,
I've seen that, and they drunk that. Yeah. That's
crazy. That's okay, though, right? Because alcohol,
it doesn't spoil. I don't know if it's okay.
Literally no one knows if that's okay, because
no one's done it. Something. Unless it was Egyptians.
I mean, I'm sure they were fucked. Well, no one's
drank like thousand year old wine. Like we don't
have many cases. How long did Egyptians rule
though? Didn't they rule for over a thousand?
Well, no, they, yeah, literally. So they made
it like in the beginning. And they had honey.
Oh, yeah, I guess maybe. Yeah, we don't know.
We just don't know. They could have maybe had,
like, a honey liquor that was good. True. Because
honey never goes bad. We got some meat. Shout
out, Kim. Dude, speaking of honey, you seen how
Cleopatra made that vibrator with the bees, man?
Brandon, you're a genius. You bring that up a
lot. Yeah. Yeah, we've talked about that multiple
times. Yeah, we have, man. I think that's awesome.
That was it. I got really impressed. Imagine
being in that time watching that. She was like
the Elon Musk of her time. Yeah, man. B -Lon
Musk. Watching that B -Wex. Yeah, she was a real
queen. Doing that old Roman salute with Mark
Anthony. Yeah, and Caesar. She fucked Caesar
first. She was getting around. She was like 19.
She was 17 when she met Julius Caesar. It was
good. 17 was like 40 back then. They didn't live
long. She was Greek, and they were practicing
Egyptian customs, and he was like the first dude
that she could ever fuck that wasn't her brother.
She was totally hyped on that. She was so hyped
to be able to fuck a dude that wasn't her brother.
Yeah, that's good. And it's Julius Caesar. Yeah,
I already was a stud back then, man. Did some
shit. All the statues say he is, but I mean,
if I had a statue made of me, I'd fucking have
me look like Fabio. Is he that statue with the
junk out? He looked pretty normal. You know that
statue where he'd be looking away? That's David.
Oh, that's Adam? Like Adam and Eve? No, it's
Adam. Adam and Eve, Adam? That was David, the
statue of David. That's Michelangelo's Adam or
someone's. Pull a statue of David. Oh, David's
the one with the pinky muscle that they talk
about. Oh, yeah. So my whole thing is like, yeah,
he could be. He was very talented, obviously.
I'm not fucking. But that whole pinky muscle
thing, it's like if you had a model doing that,
you would see that. Why do you have to know?
That's still hard. It's hard as shit. I'm just
saying. If you had that. They found evidence
of like. I guess. I don't see nothing being built
like this today. Yeah, me neither. Especially
if I had a statue made like that and it was that
small, I'd be pretty offended. That was a sign
of... That's nothing compared to what the Egyptians
did. Small dick was, like, intellect back then.
Intellect, that was an excuse. I'm sorry, man.
You all right? That's a fucking excuse. There
was, like, this thing. There was, like, talk
of, like, it would distract from all the other
stuff. But when they did a gladiator's bust,
they would make the face of the gladiator. And
then at the bottom of the bust, they would have,
like, a model of his cock sometimes. And was
it huge? Some depends on the gladiators. I feel
like that's what happened. The Warriors came
in there, took it all over, and they were like,
oh, we're intellectual because we're getting
our asses wet. I don't know, man. I don't know.
I got to study more history. You're very passive
about this. Yes, I am because I'm like, man,
I'm intellectual. Hell yeah, don't. I'm an intellectual
guy. Yeah. But we know you have a good intellectual.
But it's not small. Yeah, we know. Thank you.
He's saying you're intellectual. I'm glad you
know. Athena always looks relaxed. Yes. See.
See, everybody knows. I appreciate that. Like,
everybody knows. Sometimes Brandon wears sweatpants
and maybe no underwear. Oh, my God. That's why.
Because if you used a urinal, we'd see. Yeah,
and that's why I'm scared of, man. And I'm scared.
There's no way for him to fit. He is such a big
dick. There's no way. I can't even sit down.
I can't even sit on the toilet and take a deuce
by having to struggle. Does it touch the water?
Yeah, I have to fight. Yeah. I'm very happy for
you, Brandon. Man, dude. I'm telling you. Okay,
let me tell you what's happening. So when I try
to sit down, I'm telling you, man. Which part
of the water? No, what I have to do is push it
down because then it's like it tries to hit up
and then it gets stuck on the bowl. I'm like,
no, we got to push the thing down and fight that.
We got to fight that. And get it down low. Depends
on how high the water is. That's why they don't
have it on a public toilet, thank God. Yeah.
The rim. The rim of it. They shouldn't have it
in the U. I feel like they shouldn't have that
at all. That's horrible. And that's sad, whoever
said that, didn't they? Yeah. Who created that?
Why is that not in houses, that kind of toilet
seat? Oh, the U. Exactly. I know this. It's because
Americans are so fat. That's only here, the U
shape. The circle will snap, but the U will bend.
So the public toilets have to be U shaped because
people are so fat. Maybe we need a you. We all
need you. I need a you. I need to use a you.
I want a you. I could use it. Tired of the round
circle bowl that makes me feel bad. Yeah. Makes
me feel unsent. I don't like that. Yeah, scratching
you all up. Exactly. I'm like, I got to fight,
push down, make sure. So do you sit down then
push it down? Well, I got to because I'm like,
I'm not just going to let it lift up and lay
all over this place on top, like just be there.
No, but I'm saying you can sit down with it.
Sit down with what? You know, go in there. You
sit down and then push it down. And hold down
to make sure it doesn't touch enough. Yeah. Because
I'm like, we can't have that, man. You don't
know what the hell is on that seat. Mm -hmm.
Guests come. What? They come over. I've come
in a public restroom. I think we are. No, I don't
believe I have. I was thinking about it. I don't
think that's one thing out there. You've not
jerked out of work? Okay, see, I can't do that.
I've only come in public once. I feel bad. So
at Olive Garden in Kentucky, I would get really
bored. I'd jerk off. No. This one time in Wisconsin
at this McDonald's, my manager almost walked
in on me. He was doing it in the closet. What
are you just, what? Whoa, no. Okay, I don't,
no. I don't do that. You're just jacking off
in a closet at McDonald's? I was just bored.
Yeah, I was just bored. You don't have nothing
to do. You couldn't lock the door? So you just
decided to do it. You had plenty to do. I was
fucking 20, all right? Let's eat some burgers,
man. I'm 20. You don't see me at work. I'm insecure
at work, man. People be trying to get in. To
be fair, Brandon has a bit about Jack at work.
He's like, I don't want to throw out the homeless
guy because. That's a great joke. That's a great
joke. Yeah. I would. Yeah. That's not something
I think. Have you ever? No. You? No, I can't,
man. What about driving? Alex, you're on your
own. Comment down below. Ace, I'm looking at
you. Ace, I know you have. People try to open
the door and knock. And how can you feel secure?
That's the cool part. That ain't the cool part.
I open the door, they're like, oh, it's just
you, Brandon. It's like he's not supposed to
be doing that. So it's like, my girlfriend's
blind. She talks to her in the movie. She's like,
what's going on? Man, they ban people that do
that, man. They ban that homeless guy. Good.
Good. Yeah, I remember because somebody walked
in there. He didn't lock the door. And they just
walked in on him. The way he did. Do we have
that on camera? Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, God.
Yeah. Lock the door. I got to lock it. A PSA.
We still got a bloody knife somewhere over here.
You had to take that picture off? No, I just
put it here because I'm like, why is his hand
so veiny? My hand is kind of veiny. But that's
extra veiny, man. Which hand is that? He's in
shake. That's the right hand? I don't know. No.
Yeah, right hand. It's a sign. What's the sign?
We all know what the sign is, man. He probably
doing, like, I don't know, man. He's just probably
doing stuff. I mean, I don't know what the fuck
he could do it with, but he was doing stuff.
Well, with that dick, you better work out. Doing
what? What we were talking about at McDonald's,
right? With the whack in the McDonald's closet.
So jack it off. You know you could just say that.
Yeah, this dude jacked. And that's what it looks
like. Why did you not want to say jack it off?
Okay, jack off. That's one of those new marriage
rules. That just sounds weird. I like jerking
off better than jacking off. I like yanking the
chain, man. You just say yanking the chain. Busting
a nut. Playing whoopie on myself. Rubbing one
out. Cranking the hog. I like choking the chicken.
Turning on the chainsaw. Beating the dog. Beating
your meat. Yeah. That's what they use today a
lot. Feeding the pigeons. Feeding the pigeons.
Killing the Tony. No. What's that mean? Nobody
uses that. You don't want to kill Tony and tell
him that? But I'd be like, hey, man, you ever
kill your Tony? Killing the Tony. That's going
to be a new saying. That's the episode there,
killing the Tony. Play the old skin flute. Be
stressed to old... What is that? Eucordian or
whatever it's called. Stressed to old Eucordian.
Dude, I know a dude that stressed it too far
and sprained it. He sprained his... Yeah, I was
like in the lunch line in my school and this
dude was just talking to his friend. He's like,
yeah, I'm out in the bathroom. My mom walked
in and I was jacking off and when I opened the
door, I yanked it too far and it just sprained.
Damn. And he like, yeah, pulled it out of place.
You want to hear something crazy? I can pop it.
You can pop it? Like a knuckle. Really? It's
like the root. I can pop the root. For real,
man? If it's really hard, I can kind of push
it down, and the root will pop. So how does that
feel? Does this hurt? I swear to God. For real,
man? I can give you references. You can give
me references? I can give you references. You
sure you want to do it? No, I can... I can get
you in touch with somebody who's seen me do it.
You put your hand in my pants. I'll put my hand
on your hand and then you do it. That way I'm
not touching your dick. You guys have to just
go in the bathroom and figure it out. Can you
make it loud where I can hear from the door?
Because I don't want to go in there. So you want
him to go in there and jack off while you stand
outside the door? No, man. He didn't need it.
He just popped. You just want to hear the pop.
Real hard, like you said he had to. We take me
to the strip club. We get a stripper to cooperate.
Oh, you have to be hard? Yeah, I have to be hard.
I have to be rock hard. This is crazy, too. Or
else it can't work. We get a stripper to cooperate.
I'm telling you guys I can pull this off. I don't
like how you put that. I can tell you guys I
can pull this off. I won't pay her like a whore.
You guys pay her. That way she's loyal to you.
Make sure I don't have any money going in there.
No. You just try to get a free lap dance. What
are you talking about? This is crazy. He thinks
you're pure? Charles will be there also as a
witness. You just want Charles in the room with
you. So he's going to watch this? He would be
so uncomfortable. I know. I wish we could film
his first lap dance. Oh, yes. Just defenseless?
Yeah. Oh, you haven't had one either, but you
can't, right? Yeah, I can't do that. You can't
do that. Is she close to cheating? No, no, definitely
not that. Even, yeah, I'm good. I don't want
that. No, but would she be okay with it? Yeah,
which one would she be better with? Because it's
just her that needs to be okay with it. What
if she comes with you and you both get a lap
dance? Huh? What if you both get a lap dance
from ladies? Yeah, women have the most fun at
the strip club, for sure. Women do want to go.
Hailey wanted to go, but, you know. No. I don't
know. Look, they sleep on it. And then ask her.
Just ask Tina and say, would you rather me get
one from a guy or a girl? Because we're doing
a segment. And we're doing this. We're getting
one for Charles. The people who has never had
one before. Dante's had plenty. I can guarantee
you that. And he didn't stop talking at all.
But his picture's up in there. Oh, he was talking
to her the whole time? That's funny. Top earner.
If a dude did that to me, I would cry. Huh? I'd
be traumatized. Like, what you doing, man? If
what? If some dude just got on me and started
giving me a lap dance, I'd be traumatized. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. I was just playing along. I'd be
hurt, man. You never felt muscles like that.
Yeah. No, I just would be, like, dude, I wouldn't,
man, that would fuck me up for life. I'd be like,
this dude just got on my, what the hell? But
what if he's in, like, a cop uniform? Dude, no,
man, I can't, this ain't the YMCA, man. No, but
what if you think he's a cop? What if you think
he's a cop? Then you're relieved. What if you're
like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I just don't know what
to do because, like, he's got a gun. I'm going
to be like, this cop raped me, man. Well, he's
not raping you, he's just rubbing around. But
I didn't tell him he could do that. You got to
have my consent. I didn't say yeah. He just turned
around and be like, nah, that's finna happen.
That's like bad, man. Well, he's acting like
he's a cop. He's like, get on the ground. So
you think you're about to get shot or go to jail?
He's like, I'm just playing. I'm here to party.
See, I don't know, man. I'm good. He has oil
on and stuff. Yeah, but you're already tied up.
Dude, see how horrible that is now? That's traumatizing.
This is the next big segment. You're going to
have to wrestle your way out of it. The black
bear saves you. The black bear saves you. Why
would he be getting kidnapped by a cop? Be black.
That's all you need, dude. So I did have this
idea for you would play George Zimmerman and
he would play Trayvon Martin. I would have to
shave my beard. I don't want to play George Zimmerman.
Not you, Dom. Oh my God. You thought you would
play George Zimmerman? I did. Because he pointed
right at me. I was like, okay. I was actually
going to say. Now, you'd play George Zimmerman's
friend who would be, like, defending him, but
nothing racial. You would never bring up anything
racial. I would say you people a lot. I would
say these people. People in our neighborhood
just don't get it. Some of the louder folk. The
louder folk. In the neighborhood. Sounds like
an ancient slur, the louder folk. Yeah, the louder
folk. Sound legendary. Dude. I went home one
year for New Year's, and, uh... I was at my cousin's
house and one of their friends came over and
it was the loudest person. I mean, it was like
she was screaming. She was a little, she was
like five foot two. Now she could project. loud
she was screaming well no it was like that's
her voice but she was yelling so loud like i
left and came back i could hear her all the way
out or no nobody is that loud we've never before
joked about my mom who's a big fan of the podcast
by the way turns out yeah oh i just know she's
jewish That's why he's Jewish. Only her. Whereas
David Friedlander, his dad's Jewish. So him,
not real. Not a real Jew. That is true. You got
to come from the chlum. The womb, huh? The chlum.
Would you ever convert to Judaism? I'd have to
study it. Yeah, we'll put you in a class and
take all the proper... Oh, Brandon is midlife.
Would you deliver babies? Would I deliver? Yeah,
I am. Well, you might have to. Yeah, I am. Is
it entirely possible, Brandon? Dude, Brandon
would be the most relaxing. Do you know what
to do? Oh, no, they haven't got to that part
yet, man. They haven't got to that part? When
they do, I will. And you just passed. You're
about to go on. Clinical. Clinical. She's going
to get out there in the field. Yes, I am. That
big boy Brandon. So if you need your life saved.
Now's the time to do it. Now, if you've ever
been trying to, like, fuck around with big scissors
and, like, you know, with your fingers. Brandon,
you know something, like, really funny about
CPR? Yeah. So, like, when you're doing the chest
compressions, you're supposed to do something
like the Bee Gees because it has a really good
rhythm for it. Staying alive. Yep. It's really
ironic, right? Staying alive. Staying alive.
You know, it also has the same rhythm, and Charlie
pointed this out to me. Another One Bites the
Dust. Oh, yeah. Another One Bites the Dust. Isn't
that crazy? Yeah, it is crazy. They said, no,
I don't think this is true. I saw it on Instagram.
They said that there was a Kendrick Lamar song
where he was dissing Drake that can actually
save lives. Damn, dude. Maybe Kendrick is the
best. Yeah, Kendrick won if that's the case.
He's out of line. Maybe he is the best, dude.
Kendrick won. You can't. Certified lover boy,
certified pedophile. Yeah, he's saving lives.
What lives is Drake saving? He can kill somebody.
Man, what lies is Drake saving, man? I don't
know, man. But to the light -skinned king himself,
Drake, I just want you to know that his album's
number one again. So after all that shit, his
album's still number one. Some sexy songs for
you. He can't be touched. Him and Party Next
Door's album. Is that like a new one or is that
old? It's called No Beer. I think Nokia or some
shit like that. We still got the dick up. No,
that's the fingers now. The nicks up there, too.
Oh, yeah, man. There's plenty of them. Little
shrimps. It's Captain D's popcorn shrimp, man.
That's still going to haunt me in my dreams.
Looks like it's just sleeping on the nutsack.
Exactly. What the hell? Look at this. You scared
of that? That's a new one. That's a woman. That's
my kind of woman. That's a woman for real? No.
I can't see nothing. It's so damn small. You
ever seen a woman that look like that? No, I'm
just joking. I know this is a dude. I know a
couple people look like this. It is. All right,
Brandon, let's pull up some hot shit. Very supple
boy. Very shapely boy. Type in Venus, just like
me. Type in Venus of Wendeldorf. I'll help you
with the second one. It's right there. It's right
there. Oh, shit. Is that the big one? This is
one of the oldest pieces of ancient art ever
found made by men. Here we go. This is some fine
-ass shit right here, dude. This is a thick bitch.
So this is early porn, right? Oh, this is the
earliest porn. 30 ,000 years old. 30 ,000 years
old. That's a good time. Oh, yeah, dude. I go
a different angle, and I'll get you guys. They
got no face on that hoe, because that ain't important.
She has a basket over her head, because we kidnapped
her. That could be. It could be. Hell, yeah.
It's like some kinks thing. She fine. She's fine,
though. You see, she's thick. She ain't got no
booty, though. Go back to that. No booty. Is
this like Lizzo right here? Yeah, but Lizzo back
in the day was a Kardashian. I don't think Lizzo
got titties like that, though. Those are some
monsters, right? She's skinny now. Have you seen
her? Dude, I have. And she, like, burned a picture
of her fat self or something. She's, like, completely,
like, it's on. Yeah, yeah. Shows you some people,
it's not good to be, some people, it's okay to
be fat because you're fat, like me, but it's
not good. You want to know what I'm dealing with?
Right now? What? Fucking hemorrhoids out, dude.
I'm telling you. The size of Brandon. Damn, bro.
We'll end it right here. I've had to go to urgent
care, and I have to take two days off of work
because of the, what? I just didn't see that
hole right there. That's Dom's hole. That's a
hole in my asshole right now. Damn, bro. Zoom
in on that, Brandon. Yeah, listen. It is zoomed
in all the way at the bottom right. We can zoom
in some more right there. How do you know how
to do it that good? Right? What the fuck? I don't
think he know what he did. It's too... Oh, okay.
Damn, hold on. You like CSI, Brandon. You got
this. That was insane. Enhance. Enhance. There
we go. The image quality was phenomenal. It is.
Look at it. Now, if we could... That's beautiful.
Get right into Dante's moose knuckle on that
more exposed one. Now that's exactly how the
moose knuckle looked on Dante. Go to the frontal,
full frontal of the Venus, and if we could zoom
right in into that fupa. Oh, I got you. Hold
on, let's go up here. That one doesn't have much
of a pussy on it. There we go. This one right
here. There we go. Yeah, let's... Hold on, I
got you. Let's see how far we can get into that.
That is like pagan as fuck with the basket over
the head. Dude, it's so hot. We're like basket
masses. Zoom in here. Oh, my God. If you can't
get pregnant with this thing, I don't know what's
going on. I'll put a side -by -side of Dante's.
All I see is... When I see this... Baba, baba,
baba, baba, baba. That's what I see right there.
You know what I mean. No. What? I'm talking about...
Remember what mush mouth? I thought you were
talking about the flapjack character. Oh, shit,
yeah. But let's talk about these hemorrhoids.
No, I'm just telling you guys, it gets rough.
Dude, I'm just hoping that you're not my first
call. And it could be. That'd be horrible. I
was treating one, and they went to the fucking
doctor. They didn't even look in there. Went
to urgent care. He was like, yeah, okay, this
is what you do. Prescribe me something that I
went to four different pharmacies and can't get.
Guess where he got the medicine from. Where'd
you get this medicine from? Star Market. It was
the only place. That's where I get my medicine
from. Really? Yeah, that's where that person's
from. It's a compound, because a compound means
they have to make it. So I still haven't got
it yet because it takes a day to buy it. So it's
just some Asian man in the back making you free.
Dude, it's that sidecar. No, my bad. I don't
mean to rephrase it. His name is Hassan. He's
a good guy. So it's not that pharmacist back
there? Because I had... You remember that pharmacist
I told you tried to violate me? At that concert?
That was Star's Market. I feel like a lot of
stories come back to... No, wait. Somebody said
that at my school the other day. I was like,
damn, man. You got a lot of weird shit. I was
like... Yeah, brother. They starting to notice
it now? Yeah. It's like everybody say that. I'm
like, damn, man. Uh -huh. How do you try to violate
you, though? Let's end on that. No, it's the
woman. It's the woman. No, I'm talking about
the woman. I'm talking about the woman. The lady,
man. No, I know you're talking about that. Oh,
I thought you said you. Oh, I thought it was
the dude. No, no, it was no dude. The BBC. Remember
the one that showed me her autistic kid? Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Her. Mm -hmm. Man, Huntsville's a
small town, dude. It's very small, man. Well,
it's getting bigger. You're telling me. I'm here.
You guys got anything to promote? We're on Jonathan's
show. Levity Live. When is the showcase? March.
It's somewhere around there. Sometime in March.
I think it's the 19th. We'll have a showcase.
19th more than likely. I'm on it. Other people
are also on it. Comedian Hope Rangel is on it.
Possibly other comedians also will be on it.
You know who else made it? No. Well, congratulations,
young team. Congratulations. Let me get you a
little hug. I've been on there a couple times.
It's all right. Hell yeah, dude. It's okay. Yeah,
a lot of people had to get said that. William
Allen Strickland, Uncle Lazer, Casca Kids, whatever.
It's fine. Who's Strickland? Who? William Allen
Strickland, right after he was on Condon. It's
okay. I opened him right before I opened him.
Oh, that dude. I do remember that. I remember
him, too. Yeah. Yeah. Good dude. Yeah, he was.
I'm kidding. He was cool in the green room. Then
he kicked you out of the green room? No, that
was Uncle Lazer. But he also kicked you out of
your hotel room. He needed a minute. He needed
a minute, you know? Oh, yeah. I'm sure he needed
a minute. Everybody knew that. I was just drunk.
I wasn't paying attention. I didn't realize he
was about to go up. I was like, oh, you want
me to? He was like, go. All right. He was out
of there. Shout out Uncle Lazer. This is funny.
Shout out Uncle Lazer. He killed on Kill Tony.
Yeah, he killed on Kill Tony. He did. I'll say
this. Whenever I used to watch, I'd be like,
you know, because he's always trying to do a
story in a minute. I'm like, what the fuck is
he doing? Whenever I first started seeing him,
and then I seen him live, dude's a murderer.
People love him. Yeah. Normal people love him.
Yeah. If you see him out. just do a show, he's
going to kill. He's a unique personality. Somebody
knows somebody like him, especially around the
Midwest. He's remarkably unique. And he's full
-time Uncle Lazer. That's how he is offstage.
I watched him get a parking ticket for it, just
a ticket for the car. He walked up like he was
Uncle Lazer thing. He was alone. He was alone.
He was still Uncle Lazer. It was beautiful. That's
him, dog. He's the shit. That's him, dude. All
right, y 'all. That's it. Good shit. Appreciate
you. See you next week. Hell yeah. Good luck
on your hand, bro. Hate Scrappy -Doo.