WEBVTT

00:00:01.340 --> 00:00:09.359
This week on Clown College. Oh my god. That'd

00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:11.640
be horrible. I was treating one and they went

00:00:11.640 --> 00:00:13.060
to the fucking doctor. They didn't even look

00:00:13.060 --> 00:00:15.570
in there. Went to urgent care. He was like, yeah,

00:00:15.570 --> 00:00:18.250
okay, this is what you do. Prescribe me something

00:00:18.250 --> 00:00:19.730
that I went to four different pharmacies and

00:00:19.730 --> 00:00:22.429
can't get. Guess where he got the medicine from.

00:00:22.469 --> 00:00:24.129
Where'd you get this medicine from? Star Market

00:00:24.129 --> 00:00:26.850
was the only place. That's where I get my medicine

00:00:26.850 --> 00:00:28.350
from. Really? Yeah, that's where that person's

00:00:28.350 --> 00:00:30.710
from. It's a compound because a compound means

00:00:30.710 --> 00:00:32.700
they have to make it. So I still haven't got

00:00:32.700 --> 00:00:33.719
it yet because it takes a day to make it. So

00:00:33.719 --> 00:00:35.460
it's just some Asian man in the back making it

00:00:35.460 --> 00:00:38.079
for you? Dude, it's that sidecar. No, my bad.

00:00:38.100 --> 00:00:39.399
I don't mean to be afraid. His name is Hassan.

00:00:39.439 --> 00:00:41.719
He's a good guy. So it's not that pharmacist

00:00:41.719 --> 00:00:43.560
back there? Because I had... You remember that

00:00:43.560 --> 00:00:45.820
pharmacist I told you tried to violate me? At

00:00:45.820 --> 00:00:49.579
that concert? That was Star's Market. I feel

00:00:49.579 --> 00:00:57.630
like a lot of stories come back to... Welcome

00:00:57.630 --> 00:00:59.469
to Clown College. We have profound knowledge

00:00:59.469 --> 00:01:01.689
in many ways to elevate and make you sound polished.

00:01:01.729 --> 00:01:04.310
So if you want to hear a little honest, a few

00:01:04.310 --> 00:01:06.329
takes on our ways to make it as a comic, then

00:01:06.329 --> 00:01:08.450
stick around for a while to fit down to Clown.

00:01:08.450 --> 00:01:10.349
We've got a guest right now just to show you

00:01:10.349 --> 00:01:17.469
how. Let's all go to Clown College, baby. It's

00:01:17.469 --> 00:01:22.310
with Brandon, Willis, John, and JJ. Let's all

00:01:22.310 --> 00:01:27.730
go to Clown College, baby. with Brandon Willis.

00:02:06.030 --> 00:02:08.050
the way that you are. I don't know, man. And

00:02:08.050 --> 00:02:09.550
he's going to make it make a little noise just

00:02:09.550 --> 00:02:11.469
because he wants to. What are you talking about?

00:02:11.990 --> 00:02:14.050
Don't touch it. You don't have to touch it. Oh,

00:02:14.069 --> 00:02:16.990
okay. Yo, you know I let Chipotle out earlier

00:02:16.990 --> 00:02:19.460
and it's like, oh, white lady kept like... Calling

00:02:19.460 --> 00:02:22.080
the beans Negroes. How would I know that? What?

00:02:22.500 --> 00:02:24.560
Yeah, she just kept yelling. And then because

00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:26.139
she said it in like a Mexican accent, she was

00:02:26.139 --> 00:02:28.180
like, I want the Negroes. The Negroes. And then

00:02:28.180 --> 00:02:29.960
when I looked over, she was just white as hell.

00:02:30.020 --> 00:02:31.639
Well, that's what that means in Spain. I know,

00:02:31.699 --> 00:02:33.199
but I was like, you could have said black beans.

00:02:33.340 --> 00:02:35.360
She just kept saying like aggressively. Maybe

00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:37.639
she was Spanish, though. She do. When she started

00:02:37.639 --> 00:02:39.819
talking, it was country as hell. Well, they have

00:02:39.819 --> 00:02:43.099
white Spanish as hell. Oh, so she just wanted

00:02:43.099 --> 00:02:44.900
to say Negro. Yeah, because she was like country

00:02:44.900 --> 00:02:48.150
as hell. I was like, damn. How'd she look? Oh,

00:02:48.250 --> 00:02:53.569
man. Like 75, had the glasses. Pro -Trump. How

00:02:53.569 --> 00:02:55.330
do you know she was pro -Trump? She looked like

00:02:55.330 --> 00:02:58.069
a patriot. That's what I'm saying. Open carry,

00:02:58.289 --> 00:03:00.590
you know, shit like that. She would shoot my

00:03:00.590 --> 00:03:06.250
ass. I saw a decked out Uber driver, like had

00:03:06.250 --> 00:03:08.349
an Uber t -shirt and a, you know, pistol and

00:03:08.349 --> 00:03:10.509
shit. Like she was full on open carry. She had

00:03:10.509 --> 00:03:13.860
combat boots on. And I was like, what's going

00:03:13.860 --> 00:03:16.759
on? That's what you need with your female Uber

00:03:16.759 --> 00:03:18.659
driver. Oh, well, yeah. I agree. That's what

00:03:18.659 --> 00:03:20.520
she said. She was telling me that Uber is the

00:03:20.520 --> 00:03:23.340
most dangerous job. She'll get shot more than

00:03:23.340 --> 00:03:25.479
cops. It's way more dangerous than cops. I don't

00:03:25.479 --> 00:03:27.180
know about all that. I don't know about that.

00:03:27.280 --> 00:03:30.129
Might be stretching that one. Yeah, I mean, I

00:03:30.129 --> 00:03:32.710
wouldn't shoot an Uber driver. Me neither. Why?

00:03:34.189 --> 00:03:36.409
It's very rare to be a murderer for nothing but

00:03:36.409 --> 00:03:41.889
noodles, you know. I saw a dude pull up with

00:03:41.889 --> 00:03:44.189
an axe going into a music store earlier, too.

00:03:44.289 --> 00:03:46.909
I was going in to join. What? Yeah. What was

00:03:46.909 --> 00:03:48.270
he doing with the axe? He went into the guitar

00:03:48.270 --> 00:03:52.129
center up there in Mid -City? Yeah. Wait, are

00:03:52.129 --> 00:03:53.710
you talking about like an axe? No, I'm talking

00:03:53.710 --> 00:03:57.050
about like a legit axe. What if it was just a

00:03:57.050 --> 00:03:58.689
guitar shaped like an axe? Oh, dude, that was

00:03:58.689 --> 00:04:02.409
an axe. Oh, no. I was like, I need it. Wait,

00:04:02.409 --> 00:04:06.699
was it an ask? No, an axe. Like slicing some

00:04:06.699 --> 00:04:09.780
trees down. Yeah. Well, look up the axe attack

00:04:09.780 --> 00:04:13.699
in Huntsville. You didn't see a craw about to

00:04:13.699 --> 00:04:21.000
happen. Six murdered in a guitar store. Man was

00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:24.860
wielding an axe. It's just Brandon fleeing the

00:04:24.860 --> 00:04:26.779
scene. Like, I don't even know about all this.

00:04:27.220 --> 00:04:29.319
You can see me asking for it. I'm like, I need

00:04:29.319 --> 00:04:34.360
that. I don't know why. I look cool. Damn, bro.

00:04:34.379 --> 00:04:36.000
He kind of looked like that dude, but that's

00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:38.540
not him. What? He looked like a serial killer.

00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:40.439
That's not him, but he looked like that guy.

00:04:40.600 --> 00:04:45.699
Oh, my God. There's a pain there. If only his

00:04:45.699 --> 00:04:47.639
stepdad hadn't touched him or whatever happened.

00:04:48.300 --> 00:04:50.540
I mean, he's very pretty. I understand why his

00:04:50.540 --> 00:04:53.360
stepdad did it. Wow. Well, he's no JonBenet.

00:04:54.600 --> 00:05:01.040
Jesus Christ. Yeah, he's a boy. Yeah. What are

00:05:01.040 --> 00:05:06.000
you going to do? Not much you can do. Let me

00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:09.160
accept and save that. We'll put JJ's face on

00:05:09.160 --> 00:05:12.879
it. We'll Photoshop his eyes, nose, and mouth.

00:05:13.259 --> 00:05:15.360
We can put Charlie on there quite easily. Oh,

00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:18.439
yeah. Quite easily, yeah. Just have him look

00:05:18.439 --> 00:05:21.189
up like that and then just cut it. I think Charlie's

00:05:21.189 --> 00:05:23.009
hair more taken care of. Yeah, it would take

00:05:23.009 --> 00:05:24.589
Charlie a minute, but he would be like, no, my

00:05:24.589 --> 00:05:28.129
hair has no oil. When he started out, Charles

00:05:28.129 --> 00:05:30.050
Hood. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That

00:05:30.050 --> 00:05:31.769
does look like Charles Hood. He did have long

00:05:31.769 --> 00:05:33.470
hair. I want to put one of those if I can find

00:05:33.470 --> 00:05:35.509
that. You put a wig on him. That's him. I've

00:05:35.509 --> 00:05:36.990
got a picture of Charles with his long hair.

00:05:36.990 --> 00:05:40.360
Yeah, he looked goofy. He looked like. Evan Peters

00:05:40.360 --> 00:05:42.819
from fucking the serial killer. And I've got

00:05:42.819 --> 00:05:44.660
him looking up at a compatible angle for this.

00:05:44.660 --> 00:05:47.500
American Horror Store? No, the one where he played

00:05:47.500 --> 00:05:50.759
the dude. He looked like just that kind of 70s.

00:05:50.759 --> 00:05:53.449
Like, yeah, killer. Dahmer was a good one. He

00:05:53.449 --> 00:05:56.870
got a lot. Charles gets me. He got a bad rap.

00:05:58.509 --> 00:06:01.610
He was a real scallywag, that guy. Ah, man, he

00:06:01.610 --> 00:06:03.610
would have got us all, bro. Fuck that. He would

00:06:03.610 --> 00:06:07.089
have got us. He would have got anything over

00:06:07.089 --> 00:06:09.509
here. He was just into a little horseplay. I

00:06:09.509 --> 00:06:11.189
would have ate his ass before he ate my ass,

00:06:11.209 --> 00:06:13.089
bro. Fuck that shit. I'll tell you that shit.

00:06:14.220 --> 00:06:17.019
I'm just fucking with you, man. I'm like, nah,

00:06:17.100 --> 00:06:20.939
man. You gonna try to cook me? You gonna eat

00:06:20.939 --> 00:06:23.019
his ass? I don't think he would've fallen for

00:06:23.019 --> 00:06:25.819
all of it. You wouldn't have fallen for all of

00:06:25.819 --> 00:06:28.939
it. Oh, no, not all of it. I can't believe he

00:06:28.939 --> 00:06:32.139
got those black dudes in his fucking house. That's

00:06:32.139 --> 00:06:34.620
what the fuck I'm saying. Now, what part of it

00:06:34.620 --> 00:06:36.100
do you think he would have fallen for? So, see,

00:06:36.100 --> 00:06:37.600
I would have been at first, I could have been

00:06:37.600 --> 00:06:38.759
like, hey, man, we're going to be friends and

00:06:38.759 --> 00:06:40.740
shit. But then once, look, look, once I pulled

00:06:40.740 --> 00:06:42.560
up to the house, because I'm already suspicious,

00:06:42.819 --> 00:06:45.319
man. I don't know why. But he got you back to

00:06:45.319 --> 00:06:46.620
the house. Yeah, but as soon as I get to the

00:06:46.620 --> 00:06:48.160
house, I'm going to have something just in case.

00:06:48.199 --> 00:06:49.899
So if he pull out something, I pull out something,

00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:52.019
too. If it happened right now, what would you

00:06:52.019 --> 00:06:54.519
have? But he drugged him. Let's see. Because

00:06:54.519 --> 00:06:56.600
it would be you guys are at the bar. Oh, it's

00:06:56.600 --> 00:06:58.399
a cool dude. I'm going to go back home with him.

00:06:58.939 --> 00:07:01.120
Yeah. No, I'm not going back home. You just said

00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:02.560
you would. No, okay, and I'll take that back.

00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:04.399
Wait a minute, so he's taking them back at the

00:07:04.399 --> 00:07:07.129
club? Wherever. He could be at a coffee shop

00:07:07.129 --> 00:07:09.930
or whatever. He would profile you, dude. He would

00:07:09.930 --> 00:07:13.449
tell you he's got something signed by Kurt Angle.

00:07:14.269 --> 00:07:18.470
Damn. He's got a fish tank and a PlayStation

00:07:18.470 --> 00:07:21.509
6. You'd be like, PlayStation 6? And you'd go

00:07:21.509 --> 00:07:23.370
over there, and he drugged him, dude. So you

00:07:23.370 --> 00:07:24.610
go over there, you want to play PlayStation,

00:07:24.790 --> 00:07:27.310
he gives you a ginger ale and whiskey. Just like

00:07:27.310 --> 00:07:29.110
I gave you a drink out there, you're just like...

00:07:29.110 --> 00:07:34.050
Okay, I really know you. Every time I go to somebody's

00:07:34.050 --> 00:07:35.660
house, I'll... if they offer me a drink I'll

00:07:35.660 --> 00:07:40.420
just have one no man I don't know I mean I'd

00:07:40.420 --> 00:07:42.379
have to be really cool with the person. See,

00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:44.839
he'd do it weird. He'd, like, pour it. See, no

00:07:44.839 --> 00:07:46.939
one I've ever asked for a drink from, like, has

00:07:46.939 --> 00:07:49.220
poured it in a cup like that. No. That kind of

00:07:49.220 --> 00:07:51.699
shit. Oh, yeah. Right? Like, you know. I mean,

00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:54.420
he could put the roofie in the can, right? Yeah.

00:07:54.660 --> 00:07:57.639
He cracks it for you. Hey, pro tips for any fellers

00:07:57.639 --> 00:08:01.779
out there. You know, actually, man. First of

00:08:01.779 --> 00:08:06.779
all, though. A little sleight of hand. I couldn't

00:08:06.779 --> 00:08:08.240
do it now. I've been watching, like, these prison

00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:11.540
videos of my uncle. And I learned that there

00:08:11.540 --> 00:08:12.939
was, like, one thing where if you, like, take

00:08:12.939 --> 00:08:15.540
a bunch of stuff from, like, a random dude, especially,

00:08:15.639 --> 00:08:18.319
like, in there, and it's, like, that type of

00:08:18.319 --> 00:08:20.139
mentality, they're going to do something in the

00:08:20.139 --> 00:08:21.420
end that you're not going to want. Like, then

00:08:21.420 --> 00:08:23.500
they be like, hey, man. You owe me. Yeah, you

00:08:23.500 --> 00:08:25.259
owe me. You owe me. And it's usually the ass.

00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:28.100
Well, sometimes. And then, like, you got to fight

00:08:28.100 --> 00:08:31.040
in the cell and shit. Yeah, they want your significant

00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:34.039
other to bring in drugs for you, you know. Oh.

00:08:34.179 --> 00:08:36.960
So you can bring in drugs, but sometimes it ain't

00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:38.960
a penetration test. Most of the times it is.

00:08:38.960 --> 00:08:40.879
And I saw that booty warrior. Did you see that

00:08:40.879 --> 00:08:42.740
booty warrior Instagram thing where he talking

00:08:42.740 --> 00:08:45.980
about you fart? Yeah, and he said if you fart,

00:08:46.179 --> 00:08:49.500
that means that you're like. thing is real loose

00:08:49.500 --> 00:08:51.519
and stuff like that. Did you hear? You never,

00:08:51.580 --> 00:08:53.720
nobody said. I do know the booty war. I do know

00:08:53.720 --> 00:08:55.080
the booty war. I don't know what you're talking

00:08:55.080 --> 00:08:56.720
about. No, he literally said, he said, like,

00:08:56.740 --> 00:08:58.720
if you fart in prison, that's a bad thing because

00:08:58.720 --> 00:08:59.919
then people are going to be looking around and

00:08:59.919 --> 00:09:02.220
be like, ooh, man, that dude, that man is loose.

00:09:02.279 --> 00:09:03.980
We're going to go in there. It's a call sign.

00:09:04.340 --> 00:09:06.620
Yeah. It's a mating call. And we would have all

00:09:06.620 --> 00:09:08.379
been fucked, man. We all farted. I fart like

00:09:08.379 --> 00:09:10.620
a motherfucker. Me too. I farted. I was farting

00:09:10.620 --> 00:09:13.440
on the way here. You mean on the way from the

00:09:13.440 --> 00:09:17.299
living room to the podcast? Man, I'm in my car.

00:09:17.379 --> 00:09:18.620
I let it rip in there. I'm not going to let it

00:09:18.620 --> 00:09:20.740
rip in your house. You hotbox yourself or you

00:09:20.740 --> 00:09:23.100
roll down the window? Nah, man. I don't roll

00:09:23.100 --> 00:09:24.879
down the window for nothing. Yeah. I mean, I

00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:27.399
feel you. I like the smell, too. You want to

00:09:27.399 --> 00:09:29.840
know where you're at. Oh, 100%. Oh, yeah. See

00:09:29.840 --> 00:09:31.960
what's wrong with you, man. There was one time.

00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:33.620
You're like, what are the diagnostics? Yeah.

00:09:34.179 --> 00:09:37.860
You're like, everything good? Awesome. Patient

00:09:37.860 --> 00:09:40.679
assessment on your own ass. Dude, once ChatGPT

00:09:40.679 --> 00:09:46.570
can smell, dude, it's over. Yeah, I guess. It's

00:09:46.570 --> 00:09:50.009
already over. Probably away. I don't think it

00:09:50.009 --> 00:09:51.769
needs to even smell for it to be over, dude.

00:09:52.230 --> 00:09:54.490
Shit, it's all right. It's all cool. Remember

00:09:54.490 --> 00:09:56.789
Marvel's Endgame? You know, he could never smell,

00:09:56.870 --> 00:09:59.950
dude. He's still running shit. What? Marvel's

00:09:59.950 --> 00:10:02.149
Endgame? Brandon knows what's up. Yeah. The Endgame,

00:10:02.210 --> 00:10:04.049
the movie Endgame. Oh, no, my bad. Wait, are

00:10:04.049 --> 00:10:05.870
you talking about Age of Ultron? Yeah, Age of

00:10:05.870 --> 00:10:07.190
Ultron. Because I haven't watched Endgame. I

00:10:07.190 --> 00:10:09.970
never saw the Endgame. Yeah, Age of Ultron with

00:10:09.970 --> 00:10:12.529
the dude from Blacklist. He played the AI. Oh,

00:10:12.610 --> 00:10:14.970
yeah, James Spader. Yeah, James Spader. He's

00:10:14.970 --> 00:10:17.669
sick. He is sick. We should get him on the podcast.

00:10:18.149 --> 00:10:21.789
Just like we should get, you know, fucking Kevin

00:10:21.789 --> 00:10:26.009
Spacey. Exactly. Hey, nice. Kevin Spacey might

00:10:26.009 --> 00:10:28.429
be out. First of all, Kevin Spacey, dude, we

00:10:28.429 --> 00:10:30.169
need to get Alec Baldwin. He might come on since

00:10:30.169 --> 00:10:32.470
he just came out on the Epstein list. He came

00:10:32.470 --> 00:10:33.909
out on the Epstein list. Yes, he did. And also,

00:10:34.029 --> 00:10:38.730
so there's a new show on E! Yes. Called The Baldwins.

00:10:38.909 --> 00:10:42.029
Yeah. The reality show. Why would you do this

00:10:42.029 --> 00:10:43.870
to yourself? He did that before. This is the

00:10:43.870 --> 00:10:47.210
fall of the House of Baldwin. Literally. It's

00:10:47.210 --> 00:10:50.330
like, dude, Stephen must be on Vlad TV just looking

00:10:50.330 --> 00:10:54.269
like... You know what I mean? He just had to

00:10:54.269 --> 00:10:56.009
know what it felt to drop the hammer on that

00:10:56.009 --> 00:10:59.230
camera lady. He just had to know. He fucking

00:10:59.230 --> 00:11:02.009
put her down. And Stephen Baldwin's on Vlad TV

00:11:02.009 --> 00:11:06.919
like, I've killed people. I've done it. No, I'm

00:11:06.919 --> 00:11:08.960
just saying. Stephen Baldwin's just goofy as

00:11:08.960 --> 00:11:12.360
fuck. And he's on Vlad TV, weirdly. Yeah, what

00:11:12.360 --> 00:11:15.940
the fuck is Stephen Baldwin doing on Vlad? That's

00:11:15.940 --> 00:11:17.840
an ugly motherfucker. You ever seen Vlad? Look

00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:19.799
up Vlad. Oh, yeah, look up Vlad. And look up

00:11:19.799 --> 00:11:22.580
Stephen Baldwin, also ugly. Can we get a side

00:11:22.580 --> 00:11:24.720
-by -side? Like, Alec Baldwin's the hot Baldwin,

00:11:24.820 --> 00:11:27.460
for sure. Imagine that. He was a stud back in

00:11:27.460 --> 00:11:29.879
the day. Dude, Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. Hold on,

00:11:29.960 --> 00:11:38.990
let me say DJ. That's Vlad Tepes. That could

00:11:38.990 --> 00:11:41.409
be a good Halloween costume, dude. It could.

00:11:41.490 --> 00:11:44.169
Now you know his brother was gay. Yeah. His brother

00:11:44.169 --> 00:11:47.730
was gay for like Mohammed II. What? Yeah, a guy

00:11:47.730 --> 00:11:49.470
who conquered Istanbul. Looked a lot like you.

00:11:49.649 --> 00:11:52.649
You mean Constantinople? Yeah, Constantinople.

00:11:52.669 --> 00:11:55.190
Go down to the middle with the red in the bottom.

00:11:55.269 --> 00:11:58.029
Oh, God. He looks like Paul Giamatti. Oh, right

00:11:58.029 --> 00:12:00.659
here? To the right, yeah. Looks like John Candy.

00:12:00.779 --> 00:12:02.480
He kind of looks like John Candy. Yeah, John

00:12:02.480 --> 00:12:04.200
Candy looks so much better than him. Oh, yeah.

00:12:04.299 --> 00:12:07.740
John Candy looks amazing. Okay. Seven books recommended

00:12:07.740 --> 00:12:10.799
by DJ. I'm going to go back. Little Red Riding

00:12:10.799 --> 00:12:15.799
Hood. Little Red Riding Hood. Yeah, man. The

00:12:15.799 --> 00:12:19.779
book that they all rapped, the llama book. Everybody

00:12:19.779 --> 00:12:25.440
poops. I love his voice. He sounds like such

00:12:25.440 --> 00:12:29.559
a shit -eating motherfucker. It's so funny. I

00:12:29.559 --> 00:12:33.190
do like him a lot. His stuff, he do be good.

00:12:33.330 --> 00:12:35.210
Like, they got mad at him for getting, like,

00:12:35.230 --> 00:12:37.029
rappers to snitch on his stuff. Like, come on,

00:12:37.029 --> 00:12:40.090
man. If you dumb enough to go fucking talk to

00:12:40.090 --> 00:12:42.830
somebody about a murder that is unsolved, you

00:12:42.830 --> 00:12:44.429
know what I mean? What are you doing? They're

00:12:44.429 --> 00:12:47.509
very stupid. Yeah, you crazy. Why would you talk

00:12:47.509 --> 00:12:49.570
about it? Never talk about it. You need to hide.

00:12:49.649 --> 00:12:53.049
I would wake up in cold sweats. Me too. Me too.

00:12:53.250 --> 00:12:54.649
They're just going to talk about it in an interview.

00:12:54.850 --> 00:12:56.649
You could never live a day in peace. Y 'all ever

00:12:56.649 --> 00:12:59.419
see The Jinx? Nope. Yes. And then he admits it

00:12:59.419 --> 00:13:00.759
on camera. He admits it on camera. And then he

00:13:00.759 --> 00:13:02.200
tries to go back. Jinx is one of the best documentaries

00:13:02.200 --> 00:13:03.799
of all time. It's the best documentary of all

00:13:03.799 --> 00:13:05.940
time. Have you seen part two? Yeah. Part two,

00:13:05.980 --> 00:13:08.299
great too. Great too. Great. Great. The first

00:13:08.299 --> 00:13:10.720
part, I don't even want to tell you what happened.

00:13:10.779 --> 00:13:12.799
Just watch it. First of all, it's batshit crazy

00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:14.659
that people just knew that. He just said, yeah,

00:13:14.700 --> 00:13:16.639
I killed somebody and got off. You know, he's

00:13:16.639 --> 00:13:18.840
like, not only say, he said, I killed him. I

00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:21.399
chopped him up because I got scared. Didn't do

00:13:21.399 --> 00:13:26.899
a day. No, not a day. He told him that he chopped

00:13:26.899 --> 00:13:29.039
somebody up. And he was already suspected of

00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:31.759
killing his wife. Yes. That's his second one.

00:13:31.879 --> 00:13:33.779
One time in the interview, he said, like, what

00:13:33.779 --> 00:13:35.539
would matter if I told anybody where, like, Kathy

00:13:35.539 --> 00:13:37.179
was buried? And it was like, nobody ever said

00:13:37.179 --> 00:13:39.899
she was buried. Damn, man. And he's like, I just

00:13:39.899 --> 00:13:42.820
assumed. He's in jail right now. Oh, he's dead

00:13:42.820 --> 00:13:45.559
now. But, I mean, he was on the run. I mean,

00:13:45.580 --> 00:13:48.120
not on the run. He was just out for, like, 80

00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:49.940
years, 70 years or something like that. During

00:13:49.940 --> 00:13:51.779
the trial and the second one, he's talking shit.

00:13:52.299 --> 00:13:54.600
He's on the stand talking shit. The lawyer's

00:13:54.600 --> 00:13:56.279
asking him questions, and he's just like, you

00:13:56.279 --> 00:13:57.860
just asked me the longest question anybody's

00:13:57.860 --> 00:14:01.340
ever asked me on my panel. He's being a cunt!

00:14:02.460 --> 00:14:03.759
thing. He's talking shit. They're like, did you

00:14:03.759 --> 00:14:07.000
kill three people? He's like, no. And they asked,

00:14:07.019 --> 00:14:08.700
they said, would you tell me, would you lie to

00:14:08.700 --> 00:14:11.559
me if you did kill him? He was like, yeah. He's

00:14:11.559 --> 00:14:13.960
like, of course I would lie. Smart man. He was

00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:17.299
just hitting him with Jew facts. And he was.

00:14:17.440 --> 00:14:22.200
He was a dirty he. I saw him from a mile away.

00:14:23.059 --> 00:14:29.179
Jinx is Yiddish. Yiddish. I'm going to watch

00:14:29.179 --> 00:14:32.539
this. Oh, dude, it's great. It's up there with

00:14:32.539 --> 00:14:35.279
the best. It's one of them. Oh, you foiled my

00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:39.860
gefilte jinx. And then when Colin Farrell went

00:14:39.860 --> 00:14:42.759
on, he went on Jimmy Kimmel and did that detective

00:14:42.759 --> 00:14:45.159
thing, like two truths and a lie. And they have

00:14:45.159 --> 00:14:47.419
it in the envelope. And it's him and Vince Vaughn.

00:14:47.480 --> 00:14:50.820
And he's like. One of the things that could have

00:14:50.820 --> 00:14:54.139
been his was a lie or is it a truth was I almost

00:14:54.139 --> 00:14:56.940
got charged with was a suspect in a murder case.

00:14:57.279 --> 00:15:00.659
But I got cleared because I was on ecstasy and

00:15:00.659 --> 00:15:03.440
I wrote in my journal that I was somewhere else.

00:15:03.980 --> 00:15:07.460
And that worked. So he's like so he was like,

00:15:07.480 --> 00:15:10.100
I blacked out. So I don't know. So so Vince Vaughn's

00:15:10.100 --> 00:15:12.600
looking. I'm like, so there's still an unsolved

00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:15.480
murder going around here. And he's like, yeah.

00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:18.559
Damn, man. And then when he came back on, he

00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:20.960
did an impression of Robert Dirt's The Jinx.

00:15:21.799 --> 00:15:23.679
Colin Farrell? Colin Farrell. Dude, you got to

00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:26.440
watch it. And then afterwards, you get Vince

00:15:26.440 --> 00:15:29.759
Vaughn's. Afterward, he was like, yeah, I didn't

00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:31.740
know that story until right then. He was like,

00:15:31.779 --> 00:15:32.940
I thought it was going to be something fun, something

00:15:32.940 --> 00:15:34.500
light. You know how Vince Vaughn is. This is

00:15:34.500 --> 00:15:35.679
something fun. I didn't know you were going to

00:15:35.679 --> 00:15:37.320
tell me about a murder that you could have been

00:15:37.320 --> 00:15:48.049
involved in. Damn, bro. He's too hot. I thought

00:15:48.049 --> 00:15:51.409
he looked uglier when I thought of him. No, no,

00:15:51.470 --> 00:15:53.669
he's a stud. He looks like Oliver. Who's Oliver

00:15:53.669 --> 00:15:59.029
Stone? What? Not Oliver Stone. Oliver. Oliver.

00:15:59.210 --> 00:16:03.409
Roger Stone? No. He was on like Tiger Belly and

00:16:03.409 --> 00:16:07.330
shit. Oh, Tiger Belly. Oliver. Tree? No. Oh,

00:16:07.590 --> 00:16:09.450
the kid that went by. That's like Joe Pesci right

00:16:09.450 --> 00:16:12.330
there. Who? Oliver Tree. Remind me of Joe Pesci

00:16:12.330 --> 00:16:14.049
a little bit. Don't ever say that again. What

00:16:14.049 --> 00:16:15.289
do you do? About the great Joe Pesci's name.

00:16:15.470 --> 00:16:17.350
Dude, that's one of my favorite actors. Don't

00:16:17.350 --> 00:16:19.610
put him in the fucking same category as Oliver

00:16:19.610 --> 00:16:21.710
Tree in anything. Well, no, he's not compared.

00:16:21.850 --> 00:16:24.110
I said, like, looks a little bit like Oliver

00:16:24.110 --> 00:16:27.850
Tree. Hold on, let's find one. Without glasses.

00:16:29.320 --> 00:16:31.179
There was a comedian wearing that exact outfit

00:16:31.179 --> 00:16:34.059
the other night at Levity Live. I swear to God,

00:16:34.120 --> 00:16:35.759
fuchsia and everything. There was another comedian

00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:39.379
who was wearing glasses. What the fuck? He looks

00:16:39.379 --> 00:16:43.259
like Alex DiMascalo. He looks like a fucked up

00:16:43.259 --> 00:16:46.100
virgin. Like he just got in a fight and his whole

00:16:46.100 --> 00:16:51.700
face is like bent. This is wild on heroin. Send

00:16:51.700 --> 00:16:55.940
that to him. He'll love that. My Cousin Vinny,

00:16:55.960 --> 00:16:58.000
one of the best movies of all time. I love it.

00:16:58.730 --> 00:17:04.369
Oh, yes. Great movie. Yes, she's one of the hottest

00:17:04.369 --> 00:17:08.049
women of all time. Just the appearance a little

00:17:08.049 --> 00:17:11.130
bit. No, they look nothing alike. Like the face,

00:17:11.230 --> 00:17:14.470
not the hair. I mean, nothing alike. I would

00:17:14.470 --> 00:17:21.150
lay that man down. Maybe from Mike. Brandon,

00:17:21.150 --> 00:17:23.670
you're seeing just the common nose. Yeah, that's

00:17:23.670 --> 00:17:26.529
probably what it is. Look up, you ever seen Cry

00:17:26.529 --> 00:17:29.859
Baby? Are we recording? Yeah, we're recording.

00:17:30.019 --> 00:17:32.519
No, like the screen? Oh, no. Okay, then never

00:17:32.519 --> 00:17:34.200
mind. He's been taking the pictures. Yeah, that's

00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:38.420
fine. What did you say? Crazy to my crop, right?

00:17:38.440 --> 00:17:43.359
Johnny Depp? Johnny Depp, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's

00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:46.460
how y 'all pronounce it, right? Yeah, yeah. Alex

00:17:46.460 --> 00:17:51.920
going to Hawaii. Oh, my God. Hey, hello. Be with

00:17:51.920 --> 00:17:54.799
your people. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited to

00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:58.279
feel like not the only one. You're going to have

00:17:58.279 --> 00:17:59.819
a lot of y 'all over there. You might run into

00:17:59.819 --> 00:18:03.460
some Japanese, though. Nah, I'm Japanese. There's

00:18:03.460 --> 00:18:05.039
more Chinese tourists than what you can get over

00:18:05.039 --> 00:18:06.579
there. There's a lot of Japanese tourists. I

00:18:06.579 --> 00:18:08.680
know we're in a touristy part. Let me tell you,

00:18:08.700 --> 00:18:10.799
America, they don't move. They don't move out

00:18:10.799 --> 00:18:13.819
the way. They're always in packs. It's like 100

00:18:13.819 --> 00:18:16.240
of them on a sidewalk, and there's a highway

00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:19.619
on the street, so you can't walk in that. you

00:18:19.619 --> 00:18:20.940
pretty much have to go through them like a bowling

00:18:20.940 --> 00:18:24.500
ball. You literally just have to elbow them until

00:18:24.500 --> 00:18:26.900
you get through. And they're small, so you hit

00:18:26.900 --> 00:18:29.180
their heads a lot. Do you run sometimes? Do you

00:18:29.180 --> 00:18:33.920
like to run sometimes? I would love to do that.

00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:37.700
Is that where your toast comes from? Zimmy Zocky

00:18:37.700 --> 00:18:43.109
Zimmy Zocky. And then you just mash them. Boom.

00:18:44.250 --> 00:18:46.809
It's like Madagascar, too, when he went to Africa,

00:18:46.970 --> 00:18:50.150
saw all the lions there. Yeah. Hell yeah. Who

00:18:50.150 --> 00:18:54.309
is he? Who? What was the animal that went? Alex,

00:18:54.509 --> 00:18:57.089
right? Alex. That was his name. Alex the lion.

00:18:57.390 --> 00:19:00.589
Yeah, but Alex the lion? Rawr. Oh, that is a

00:19:00.589 --> 00:19:10.779
big affair. Yeah, man. Hell yeah. No, that's

00:19:10.779 --> 00:19:13.039
a good shit. That movie's good. Madagascar 2

00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:15.839
was still good. It was. It's one of those sequels

00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:17.539
that are still good. If we get this gay guy off

00:19:17.539 --> 00:19:19.339
the fucking... Yeah, listen. No, Johnny Depp.

00:19:19.380 --> 00:19:21.319
Oh, yeah, no. Dude, we should watch the Amber

00:19:21.319 --> 00:19:24.640
Heard trial. Oh, my God. Dude, I see that where

00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:28.279
I was going all like... It's too long. I think...

00:19:28.279 --> 00:19:31.180
Just the highlights. Well, no, we should watch

00:19:31.180 --> 00:19:33.140
the whole thing because I think she came out...

00:19:33.140 --> 00:19:35.579
I think... I think she came out looking way worse

00:19:35.579 --> 00:19:38.920
than she actually should. Not saying that she

00:19:38.920 --> 00:19:40.700
didn't do anything bad, like shitting in a bed

00:19:40.700 --> 00:19:43.319
or whatever, but, like, he hired, like, this

00:19:43.319 --> 00:19:46.619
massive PR team to, like, cover his shit up during

00:19:46.619 --> 00:19:48.119
that whole thing, and she didn't have, like,

00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:49.420
Johnny Depp. They both were doing crazed things

00:19:49.420 --> 00:19:52.039
that they like. They liked that. That's the only

00:19:52.039 --> 00:19:54.079
reason they were madly in love, because they

00:19:54.079 --> 00:19:56.319
liked that shit, and that's what they were doing.

00:19:56.380 --> 00:19:59.740
She's crazed. Yes, he is crazed, too. The alcohol.

00:20:00.750 --> 00:20:02.910
He doesn't even know what he's doing. He's just

00:20:02.910 --> 00:20:06.529
like a Marilyn Manson. They're both just fucking

00:20:06.529 --> 00:20:09.369
gone. He's going to do another Pirates of the

00:20:09.369 --> 00:20:12.269
Caribbean, I think. Really? Caribbean. I haven't

00:20:12.269 --> 00:20:13.809
seen the first one yet. I've got to watch that.

00:20:14.329 --> 00:20:17.309
God damn it. If we counted all the times you

00:20:17.309 --> 00:20:26.180
just destroyed a word. But he's going to do it.

00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:28.819
You know, he might come back. He might do it.

00:20:28.880 --> 00:20:32.099
Rango 2. Ooh, I love Rango, man. I remember when

00:20:32.099 --> 00:20:35.940
that came out. I knew you would. I knew you would.

00:20:36.099 --> 00:20:38.480
I had the whole game system, man. I was a kid

00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:41.400
when it came out. I was like 8. I was 8 years

00:20:41.400 --> 00:20:44.079
old. You were prime Rango. I was 8 years old,

00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:45.920
man. You were prime. You were perfect for Rango.

00:20:45.920 --> 00:20:51.339
Yeah, man. You watched Paddington? Paddington?

00:20:51.420 --> 00:20:54.220
I have seen Paddington. Paddington's great. Dude,

00:20:54.859 --> 00:20:56.980
it's actually legitimately a great movie. Made

00:20:56.980 --> 00:21:00.160
me cry. And I can't even explain why. It's really

00:21:00.160 --> 00:21:03.200
just a kid's movie, but it's just great. They

00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:05.200
just did it really great. It's hard. It'll touch

00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:08.140
your heart. Doom 2 will touch your heart. Doom

00:21:08.140 --> 00:21:12.920
2's not good. I never watched Doom. Paddington's

00:21:12.920 --> 00:21:15.059
like a bear they find in Africa, but they're

00:21:15.059 --> 00:21:17.720
in a safari in Africa like these bears. British

00:21:17.720 --> 00:21:19.920
Imperial. But like, it's just that there are

00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:21.740
these bears that live in tree houses already.

00:21:21.839 --> 00:21:23.700
Like they're just smart. They just talk. Yeah.

00:21:23.740 --> 00:21:25.180
They just talk. And then one just comes back

00:21:25.180 --> 00:21:27.380
with them. Like, yeah. He just goes around town

00:21:27.380 --> 00:21:29.480
like a regular person. Yeah. Well, he's like

00:21:29.480 --> 00:21:33.000
a little kid. Okay. Theo Vaughn was talking about

00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:34.759
him. He was saying how British bears would never

00:21:34.759 --> 00:21:38.140
be caught naked and shit. More class, whatnot.

00:21:38.460 --> 00:21:41.680
Shit like that. Theo Vaughn hasn't seen some

00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:45.539
dirty fucking Brits, dude. At least online. Maybe

00:21:45.539 --> 00:21:48.569
not in life. But what about their bears? But

00:21:48.569 --> 00:21:50.349
what about their bears? I don't know if they

00:21:50.349 --> 00:21:52.549
have bears. Are their bears well -dressed? There's

00:21:52.549 --> 00:21:54.970
a European brown bear. I met one British dude

00:21:54.970 --> 00:21:57.789
in my life, and I embarrassed myself. So it was

00:21:57.789 --> 00:21:59.470
when I went to Mexico with my brother. He's like,

00:21:59.490 --> 00:22:03.490
I'm having my friends come out. And this dude

00:22:03.490 --> 00:22:06.710
was married to one of his wife's friends. And

00:22:06.710 --> 00:22:09.450
I'm like, oh, you're British. I'm always wanting

00:22:09.450 --> 00:22:10.990
to meet a British person. He's like, yeah, he's

00:22:10.990 --> 00:22:13.710
talking with the accent. I'm like, I couldn't

00:22:13.710 --> 00:22:15.150
think of anything to say. So I was just like,

00:22:15.390 --> 00:22:18.549
you guys say like bruv. And he went like this.

00:22:18.569 --> 00:22:20.410
He was like, yeah, they say that and didn't talk

00:22:20.410 --> 00:22:22.309
to me the rest of the trip. Damn, man. That's

00:22:22.309 --> 00:22:25.849
just a genuine question. It was so bad. I knew

00:22:25.849 --> 00:22:27.849
I fucked up as soon as I said it. I'm like, I

00:22:27.849 --> 00:22:30.210
got too excited, though. I'm like, I got a real

00:22:30.210 --> 00:22:32.910
one. This is right here. That's so funny. It

00:22:32.910 --> 00:22:35.190
could have been worse. What could have? You could

00:22:35.190 --> 00:22:37.809
have tried to do the accent. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

00:22:37.829 --> 00:22:39.529
That's terrible. That's like doing a Chinese

00:22:39.529 --> 00:22:42.670
accent to a Chinese guy. It's absolutely crazy.

00:22:42.809 --> 00:22:45.869
Do a British accent. So you get to say bruv,

00:22:45.869 --> 00:22:48.390
do you? Right? You know? Okay. Shrimp on the

00:22:48.390 --> 00:22:50.910
barbie. That's Australian. That's Australian.

00:22:51.690 --> 00:22:53.410
Australian's easy. I know how to say one sentence

00:22:53.410 --> 00:22:57.029
I learned from a podcast. I like that hat, mate.

00:22:57.930 --> 00:22:59.950
What does that mean? I like that hat, mate. I

00:22:59.950 --> 00:23:02.589
like that hat, mate. I like that hat, mate. My

00:23:02.589 --> 00:23:04.569
favorite thing to say in a British accent is

00:23:04.569 --> 00:23:07.809
you are not a cool guy. You're a dirty drunk.

00:23:08.369 --> 00:23:10.569
You watch Peaky Blinders. You're like a Peaky

00:23:10.569 --> 00:23:12.089
Blinders Sigma, dude. I don't watch Peaky Blinders,

00:23:12.089 --> 00:23:17.690
dude. I don't know. Peaky Blinders, it's just

00:23:17.690 --> 00:23:19.630
going to be a lot. I'm trying to re -watch The

00:23:19.630 --> 00:23:23.029
Sopranos right now. Don't go walking. All right.

00:23:24.710 --> 00:23:29.619
Gabagool. Gabagool. No ganji. But, dude, Sopranos

00:23:29.619 --> 00:23:31.299
is well fucking done. But the intro, I can't

00:23:31.299 --> 00:23:33.460
fucking stand. Don't go. Really? No, I can't

00:23:33.460 --> 00:23:36.539
stand it. People love the intro. I know. Because

00:23:36.539 --> 00:23:39.539
it came on too many times? Well, it's on in front

00:23:39.539 --> 00:23:41.539
of every episode. It's outdated and it's long

00:23:41.539 --> 00:23:43.140
as fuck. It's just like the Game of Thrones intro.

00:23:43.220 --> 00:23:45.519
It's fucking ridiculous. It's insane at some

00:23:45.519 --> 00:23:47.480
point. But that tells the story. The Game of

00:23:47.480 --> 00:23:50.000
Thrones one, I don't know if it tells part of

00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:52.220
the story. It does with the map, yeah. Great

00:23:52.220 --> 00:23:57.089
intros. Peacemaker. Peacemaker is an amazing

00:23:57.089 --> 00:23:59.750
show. I did not skip a single one. I laughed

00:23:59.750 --> 00:24:02.130
every single time. I slept on Peacemaker for

00:24:02.130 --> 00:24:04.670
the longest time. It's great. Two's coming out

00:24:04.670 --> 00:24:07.829
sometime this year, I think. But that writer's

00:24:07.829 --> 00:24:11.049
strike fucked tons of shit up, dude. Dude, it's

00:24:11.049 --> 00:24:14.650
crazy how much I think The Rock is the least,

00:24:14.809 --> 00:24:17.950
even though he's the most paid actor now, he

00:24:17.950 --> 00:24:21.750
has the least chops of him, John Cena, and Batista.

00:24:22.269 --> 00:24:26.569
John Cena and Batista. I think by a good margin.

00:24:26.630 --> 00:24:29.710
I guess John Cena does play the dumb character

00:24:29.710 --> 00:24:32.910
really well. You know, that dumb funny character.

00:24:33.109 --> 00:24:36.309
That is kind of his only good character. So I

00:24:36.309 --> 00:24:38.230
may be giving him a little bit too much, but

00:24:38.230 --> 00:24:40.329
that shit was good. He could do, like, a Mickey

00:24:40.329 --> 00:24:42.430
Rourke. I could see him doing a dramatic thing,

00:24:42.490 --> 00:24:44.650
though. I could, too. I'd be interested to see

00:24:44.650 --> 00:24:46.250
if he did. Like him trying to stop a bomb or

00:24:46.250 --> 00:24:49.109
something? John Cena? Yeah, like, get on the

00:24:49.109 --> 00:24:51.009
ground. Oh, well, that easily. I'm talking about,

00:24:51.109 --> 00:24:53.390
like, an actual dramatic role. John Cena's just

00:24:53.390 --> 00:24:56.170
become synonymous with retards. Yo, did you see?

00:24:56.410 --> 00:24:58.589
There's nothing you can do about that. They do.

00:24:58.650 --> 00:25:00.650
He is really good at improv, because you see

00:25:00.650 --> 00:25:02.450
the outtakes on some of those movies. They just

00:25:02.450 --> 00:25:06.630
let him go. He still does lie. Like the Will

00:25:06.630 --> 00:25:08.369
Ferrell movies where they just let him go and

00:25:08.369 --> 00:25:11.150
go or whatever. Yeah, you got to, dude. Will

00:25:11.150 --> 00:25:14.890
Ferrell's outtakes on Eastbound and Down is some

00:25:14.890 --> 00:25:21.609
of the best. Those hairy plums. So if you guys

00:25:21.609 --> 00:25:24.109
didn't notice, JJ's not here. He didn't shit

00:25:24.109 --> 00:25:27.150
himself this time. No. But I guess let's take

00:25:27.150 --> 00:25:28.130
a look and see where he's at. Let's see where

00:25:28.130 --> 00:25:31.130
he's at. Let's see what he's up to. Live from

00:25:31.130 --> 00:25:35.619
a hotel. Nashville sitting in the cup chair.

00:25:35.940 --> 00:25:40.059
What if I was with the beans? They've all got

00:25:40.059 --> 00:25:43.200
one. And this room actually has like a cup couch.

00:25:43.640 --> 00:25:46.000
You can't see it, but there's a whole like little

00:25:46.000 --> 00:25:48.819
living room next to the bed. I imagine maybe

00:25:48.819 --> 00:25:53.400
like a community could come up here and have

00:25:53.400 --> 00:25:55.859
a little coffee cake or something like the yellow

00:25:55.859 --> 00:25:58.200
sticker one from Walmart. You can get them for

00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:05.440
like probably less than three dollars. they might

00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:08.640
expire the next day but you know if your wife

00:26:08.640 --> 00:26:10.819
is about to have sexual intercourse with another

00:26:10.819 --> 00:26:14.240
man you're probably not thinking about longevity

00:26:14.240 --> 00:26:17.039
i don't know i think the cup chair gets a bad

00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:20.720
rep you know it's the only place in the hotel

00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:25.140
room that doesn't have gum on it somewhere overseas

00:26:25.140 --> 00:26:31.329
scientists just invented a car that runs on water

00:26:31.329 --> 00:26:34.690
it converts the water into ethanol or something

00:26:34.690 --> 00:26:37.990
the only thing i can turn water into right now

00:26:37.990 --> 00:26:42.509
is piss i've been trying what else is up i don't

00:26:42.509 --> 00:26:45.369
know what the guys are talking about man i miss

00:26:45.369 --> 00:26:48.650
those rascals you know brandon probably almost

00:26:48.650 --> 00:26:52.630
got molested again that's always it's always

00:26:52.630 --> 00:27:01.019
a good time dumb still fat probably hey alex

00:27:01.019 --> 00:27:03.259
you know thanks for all your hard work doing

00:27:03.259 --> 00:27:06.579
the editing i bet you're living it up in hawaii

00:27:06.579 --> 00:27:10.079
man but don't don't venture out too far man when

00:27:10.079 --> 00:27:12.339
the tourists might mistake you for a hula girl

00:27:12.339 --> 00:27:15.819
and just steal you away man put them on put you

00:27:15.819 --> 00:27:18.539
on their dashboard with your you know that thing

00:27:18.539 --> 00:27:21.619
i don't know is that racist i can't tell i can't

00:27:21.619 --> 00:27:27.259
tell anymore that's it dude i'm tired of editing

00:27:27.259 --> 00:27:38.170
this shit Take us out, Joe. Yo, I've been obsessed

00:27:38.170 --> 00:27:40.849
with that guy, though. That tornado siren guy,

00:27:40.970 --> 00:27:43.849
man. Like, dude, I do a perfect impression of

00:27:43.849 --> 00:27:46.650
him, man. Like, I've been doing it all day. Like,

00:27:46.670 --> 00:27:48.009
everybody's been getting mad at me in my house

00:27:48.009 --> 00:27:49.970
because I keep doing it. And they're like, okay,

00:27:50.289 --> 00:27:56.049
guys, tornado sirens. And I'll be like, there's

00:27:56.049 --> 00:27:59.630
a gorilla after me. Fifteen gorillas. There's

00:27:59.630 --> 00:28:06.069
a tornado. Time to run. Oh, my God. He's a guy.

00:28:07.109 --> 00:28:11.309
In my bed. What the fuck? Tornado siren time.

00:28:12.190 --> 00:28:15.170
I love that guy, man. I've been, like, following

00:28:15.170 --> 00:28:16.809
up on him every day. I love him now. He's growing

00:28:16.809 --> 00:28:19.930
on me now. Dude, I just, man. I want to meet

00:28:19.930 --> 00:28:23.009
him one day. We'll become friends. Do you think

00:28:23.009 --> 00:28:25.930
he'd? Yeah, hell yeah. Maybe one day. One day.

00:28:26.309 --> 00:28:28.769
One day what? You'll meet him. Oh, yeah. You'll

00:28:28.769 --> 00:28:30.529
probably be in the same kind of groups as him.

00:28:30.569 --> 00:28:34.630
Oh, dude, hey, I hope so. It'd be an honor. We'd

00:28:34.630 --> 00:28:36.670
be in the same class. Hit him with that ring.

00:28:39.309 --> 00:28:42.569
He'll know what's up. He's also trying to be

00:28:42.569 --> 00:28:44.829
a firefighter. He's trying to be the siren. Oh,

00:28:44.869 --> 00:28:47.609
dude, he could be on top of the fire truck. Just

00:28:47.609 --> 00:28:48.849
make that noise. If you do that while you're

00:28:48.849 --> 00:28:52.769
on the call, dude. No, I'm not. I was talking

00:28:52.769 --> 00:28:54.730
about him. I just hired him to be my sire. And

00:28:54.730 --> 00:28:59.910
I'm like, yo, man. Brandon would drive the ambulance

00:28:59.910 --> 00:29:03.289
and make sound effects at the same time. With

00:29:03.289 --> 00:29:05.089
a dying person in the back, he'd be like, woo,

00:29:05.289 --> 00:29:12.109
woo. We're going to get you there. Stop, beep,

00:29:12.190 --> 00:29:14.910
beep. And then he does the hand signal, like

00:29:14.910 --> 00:29:18.750
the turn signal. He would. Squiree rolling down

00:29:18.750 --> 00:29:22.829
the window. He's like, hold on. Holy shit. Oh,

00:29:22.829 --> 00:29:25.109
do you know those? Yeah, left, right. Yeah, left,

00:29:25.349 --> 00:29:27.089
right. I've seen people do that in front of me.

00:29:27.109 --> 00:29:29.750
He just did left, right. People do that in front

00:29:29.750 --> 00:29:32.509
of me. Stop. When they don't have blinkers because

00:29:32.509 --> 00:29:34.750
they don't work. Eddie also did it wrong. He

00:29:34.750 --> 00:29:37.569
did. I don't. I never did that before. I watch

00:29:37.569 --> 00:29:39.890
people do it. They do it in front of me. Like

00:29:39.890 --> 00:29:41.690
when they're driving, their blinkers off. They'll

00:29:41.690 --> 00:29:44.029
just do all those signs. One dude, he'd be like

00:29:44.029 --> 00:29:48.609
this. That's the Roman salute. Yeah, that's what

00:29:48.609 --> 00:29:50.690
Elon Musk was doing. He was just motioning with

00:29:50.690 --> 00:29:52.250
his director. He was just showing where his heart

00:29:52.250 --> 00:29:55.430
was. Dude, I swear to God. He's not even settled

00:29:55.430 --> 00:29:57.609
about it. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't

00:29:57.609 --> 00:30:01.009
mean anything. What if he gets an X? The crazy

00:30:01.009 --> 00:30:03.190
thing is people will still... You should do the

00:30:03.190 --> 00:30:05.109
mustache. No, no. See, I don't really like them.

00:30:05.289 --> 00:30:07.430
You know what I'm saying? I make jokes. People

00:30:07.430 --> 00:30:11.009
like him, they... Look, I'm telling you. You

00:30:11.009 --> 00:30:13.170
got to get these nerds out the office. He's South

00:30:13.170 --> 00:30:16.230
African. Dude, see, the thing is, I understand

00:30:16.230 --> 00:30:20.250
thinking Nazi jokes are funny. Sure. Like, fine.

00:30:20.390 --> 00:30:23.329
But, like, to actually like that, like, because

00:30:23.329 --> 00:30:27.210
that shit's cringe as fuck. Like, for Hitler,

00:30:27.250 --> 00:30:30.470
it was literally, like, he's clearly retarded.

00:30:31.109 --> 00:30:35.500
But to play into it. Like, you know, he's like,

00:30:35.539 --> 00:30:38.940
oh, I'm going to make it. But it's like you might

00:30:38.940 --> 00:30:41.400
not want to go too far. To turn around and bust

00:30:41.400 --> 00:30:44.220
another one. He hit it and then he turned around.

00:30:44.220 --> 00:30:47.380
He's like, in case anybody missed it, there it

00:30:47.380 --> 00:30:50.140
is again. And it's all the move, they call it

00:30:50.140 --> 00:30:53.140
the Overton window. That's what people think

00:30:53.140 --> 00:30:56.460
is, like, reasonable and won't, like, riot over,

00:30:56.619 --> 00:31:00.359
right? So, like, they just keep on doing things

00:31:00.359 --> 00:31:03.440
more and more, but, like, never too far to where,

00:31:03.539 --> 00:31:07.099
like, you know, their people will jump ship.

00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:08.680
No, I don't think he's a Nazi. No, but he's doing

00:31:08.680 --> 00:31:10.980
it on purpose. But he's using the Nazis to his

00:31:10.980 --> 00:31:13.619
benefit. He likes the troll. He knows what he's

00:31:13.619 --> 00:31:17.420
doing. Yeah, he's smart. Deep state. If there

00:31:17.420 --> 00:31:21.680
is a deep state, God, please. If there's a deep

00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:24.019
state, please fucking save us. Deep state. Work

00:31:24.019 --> 00:31:28.750
your magic, God. Jews, Jews control the media.

00:31:29.109 --> 00:31:31.509
Please take it back. Yeah, it's a lot of crisis

00:31:31.509 --> 00:31:33.609
going on. Did you guys see the other horrible

00:31:33.609 --> 00:31:35.630
crisis thing where John Cena turned heel, man?

00:31:35.730 --> 00:31:38.390
He turned a bad guy. Did you see it? Yeah. I

00:31:38.390 --> 00:31:40.089
mean, that's pretty much the same thing as being

00:31:40.089 --> 00:31:43.069
a Nazi. Basically what he did, he was like, fuck

00:31:43.069 --> 00:31:44.650
them kids, bro. And then you saw The Rock pulled

00:31:44.650 --> 00:31:47.309
out the bell, started whipping Cody Rhodes. He's

00:31:47.309 --> 00:31:49.970
like, huh? What? Whipped him like my mom. What

00:31:49.970 --> 00:31:55.019
is? You know what I mean. Because John Cena turned

00:31:55.019 --> 00:31:56.859
heel. Yes, he did. And people are mad about this.

00:31:56.880 --> 00:31:58.799
No, what I'm mad about is why didn't he do this

00:31:58.799 --> 00:32:01.220
10 years ago? Wasn't he always heel? No, he was

00:32:01.220 --> 00:32:02.180
never heel. Your mom would have been a good heel.

00:32:02.180 --> 00:32:03.640
No, no, he's never been a good heel. She would

00:32:03.640 --> 00:32:05.500
have whooped everybody's ass. I thought he was

00:32:05.500 --> 00:32:08.900
rapping in Chinese, like doing ching chong shit.

00:32:09.059 --> 00:32:10.200
No, no, that was real life. Well, that doesn't

00:32:10.200 --> 00:32:13.200
mean you're heel. That's just a good time. That

00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:16.240
wasn't fake. That was like legit him. He wasn't

00:32:16.240 --> 00:32:18.559
even on WWE doing that stuff. I was like, damn,

00:32:18.640 --> 00:32:21.940
okay. No, I meant like in the ring. So that was

00:32:21.940 --> 00:32:24.099
the good guy. Oh, he's always been the good guy.

00:32:24.099 --> 00:32:25.859
That's funny. You talking about Thuganomics 2002?

00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:29.339
Sure. I don't even know. Imagine John Cena's

00:32:29.339 --> 00:32:31.660
market in China. How many Down Syndrome people

00:32:31.660 --> 00:32:33.519
do they have? Millions? Well, you know that whole

00:32:33.519 --> 00:32:36.609
story, right? Well, yeah, like he said something.

00:32:36.609 --> 00:32:39.190
He said Taiwan was a country. Oh, yeah, I saw

00:32:39.190 --> 00:32:42.190
that. I mean, how dare he? They wanted him to

00:32:42.190 --> 00:32:43.809
keep a one -China policy. I don't know about

00:32:43.809 --> 00:32:47.509
that. Hey, we have our own Israel -Palestine

00:32:47.509 --> 00:32:49.210
arrangement. Well, you know, they left in like

00:32:49.210 --> 00:32:52.009
1780. I know it's got to be so much money to

00:32:52.009 --> 00:32:54.250
be able to, because it's easy to sit back and

00:32:54.250 --> 00:32:56.230
be like, I would never do that. But it has to

00:32:56.230 --> 00:32:59.509
be like a lot of money. I would have to do it

00:32:59.509 --> 00:33:02.910
in like a funny way, an inside way where they

00:33:02.910 --> 00:33:04.230
didn't know what I was talking about, but I was

00:33:04.230 --> 00:33:07.440
clearly making fun of them. Like Americans would

00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:09.740
know, but they wouldn't. Like an apology. Oh,

00:33:09.740 --> 00:33:12.619
right, right. Because, you know, if they're like,

00:33:12.779 --> 00:33:16.500
okay, you got 15 people that rely on you, and

00:33:16.500 --> 00:33:18.779
this is going to be a fourth of your guys' income.

00:33:19.500 --> 00:33:22.420
Sometimes you got to pony up and be like, you

00:33:22.420 --> 00:33:24.259
know, we're not going to do that. We're going

00:33:24.259 --> 00:33:26.519
to take it back, but you got to do it in a slick

00:33:26.519 --> 00:33:29.700
way. In some way, say, fuck the Chinese. You

00:33:29.700 --> 00:33:32.140
do it real sincere, but you put on a rice paddy

00:33:32.140 --> 00:33:50.079
hat. There's a guy named Jesse's Tea House. I

00:33:50.079 --> 00:33:53.119
found him during the pandemic. He reviews teas.

00:33:54.750 --> 00:33:57.609
I followed him, and he's actually an American.

00:33:57.769 --> 00:34:00.309
He's an expat who lives in China and does stand

00:34:00.309 --> 00:34:03.730
-up in Chinese. Oh, shit. He's just a white dude

00:34:03.730 --> 00:34:07.990
who's like... Slays? Exactly. I'm sure he fucking

00:34:07.990 --> 00:34:10.849
slays tons of... Because he speaks. He's really

00:34:10.849 --> 00:34:13.750
knowledgeable about the culture. So, like, yeah.

00:34:13.989 --> 00:34:16.690
There's a guy I watch on fucking YouTube and

00:34:16.690 --> 00:34:18.690
Instagram and shit, and he just speaks fluent.

00:34:18.710 --> 00:34:21.809
Like, he speaks fluent Chinese. That dude. Fluent

00:34:21.809 --> 00:34:24.210
Korean? Yeah. They love him. These women... They

00:34:24.210 --> 00:34:25.989
love him. He speaks all the... Ethiopian. He'll

00:34:25.989 --> 00:34:28.150
speak like... He speaks... Yeah, he speaks...

00:34:28.150 --> 00:34:30.610
He's got everything. He'll learn a language and

00:34:30.610 --> 00:34:33.329
then go to the place. And when he talks to these

00:34:33.329 --> 00:34:35.510
girls, he's reasonably cute. When he talks to

00:34:35.510 --> 00:34:37.250
these girls, like on chat roulette or whatever,

00:34:37.449 --> 00:34:38.989
you know, they always fall in love with him.

00:34:39.050 --> 00:34:40.829
The second he busts out in their language, they're

00:34:40.829 --> 00:34:42.769
like, oh, my God. It's crazy. All these Filipino

00:34:42.769 --> 00:34:45.449
girls. They go crazy. They just... You could

00:34:45.449 --> 00:34:48.190
throw their panties against the wall. Like, it's

00:34:48.190 --> 00:34:51.630
insane. They'd stick. Wow. They'd stick, huh?

00:34:51.710 --> 00:34:53.090
Yeah, they'd stick, Brandon. That's because it's

00:34:53.090 --> 00:34:56.150
the third world yeast infection. Exactly. You

00:34:56.150 --> 00:34:58.510
could drown a toddler in those panties. You could

00:34:58.510 --> 00:35:03.849
also culture a wonderful sourdough. That's why

00:35:03.849 --> 00:35:06.090
when I was a kid, I tried to learn French. But

00:35:06.090 --> 00:35:08.250
imagine the dough, Brandon. The dough? Like what,

00:35:08.389 --> 00:35:10.469
the money? No, the sourdough. Oh, the sourdough,

00:35:10.530 --> 00:35:13.190
okay. Because of the yeast. Oh, yeast infection?

00:35:13.590 --> 00:35:15.030
Is that what you're talking about from all them

00:35:15.030 --> 00:35:19.530
panties? I'm sorry. You could harvest your lady's

00:35:19.530 --> 00:35:21.710
yeast and make a nice bread. You can do that.

00:35:22.130 --> 00:35:25.190
Dude, did you see there was a dude, an Xbox shareholder

00:35:25.190 --> 00:35:28.789
or something, that made like 4 ,500 -year -old

00:35:28.789 --> 00:35:31.309
bread with some yeast? I know. That's kind of

00:35:31.309 --> 00:35:33.010
cool, though. That is very cool. You eat it?

00:35:33.250 --> 00:35:35.349
Oh, dude, that's a good question. I didn't finish

00:35:35.349 --> 00:35:38.969
it. I was just like, that's a bold -ass dude.

00:35:39.590 --> 00:35:42.670
I would eat it. There was a... Shit, what was

00:35:42.670 --> 00:35:44.369
I just about to say? Something about the yeast.

00:35:46.359 --> 00:35:49.719
I know they found a lot of old wine before. Yeah,

00:35:49.719 --> 00:35:52.059
I've seen that, and they drunk that. Yeah. That's

00:35:52.059 --> 00:35:56.960
crazy. That's okay, though, right? Because alcohol,

00:35:57.179 --> 00:35:59.320
it doesn't spoil. I don't know if it's okay.

00:35:59.780 --> 00:36:02.860
Literally no one knows if that's okay, because

00:36:02.860 --> 00:36:06.679
no one's done it. Something. Unless it was Egyptians.

00:36:06.980 --> 00:36:08.619
I mean, I'm sure they were fucked. Well, no one's

00:36:08.619 --> 00:36:11.019
drank like thousand year old wine. Like we don't

00:36:11.019 --> 00:36:13.119
have many cases. How long did Egyptians rule

00:36:13.119 --> 00:36:14.320
though? Didn't they rule for over a thousand?

00:36:14.579 --> 00:36:17.659
Well, no, they, yeah, literally. So they made

00:36:17.659 --> 00:36:19.909
it like in the beginning. And they had honey.

00:36:20.010 --> 00:36:21.590
Oh, yeah, I guess maybe. Yeah, we don't know.

00:36:21.670 --> 00:36:23.489
We just don't know. They could have maybe had,

00:36:23.570 --> 00:36:25.489
like, a honey liquor that was good. True. Because

00:36:25.489 --> 00:36:27.409
honey never goes bad. We got some meat. Shout

00:36:27.409 --> 00:36:29.869
out, Kim. Dude, speaking of honey, you seen how

00:36:29.869 --> 00:36:32.230
Cleopatra made that vibrator with the bees, man?

00:36:32.289 --> 00:36:33.530
Brandon, you're a genius. You bring that up a

00:36:33.530 --> 00:36:36.489
lot. Yeah. Yeah, we've talked about that multiple

00:36:36.489 --> 00:36:38.710
times. Yeah, we have, man. I think that's awesome.

00:36:38.889 --> 00:36:41.449
That was it. I got really impressed. Imagine

00:36:41.449 --> 00:36:43.809
being in that time watching that. She was like

00:36:43.809 --> 00:36:46.869
the Elon Musk of her time. Yeah, man. B -Lon

00:36:46.869 --> 00:36:51.250
Musk. Watching that B -Wex. Yeah, she was a real

00:36:51.250 --> 00:36:54.090
queen. Doing that old Roman salute with Mark

00:36:54.090 --> 00:36:57.530
Anthony. Yeah, and Caesar. She fucked Caesar

00:36:57.530 --> 00:37:01.730
first. She was getting around. She was like 19.

00:37:02.030 --> 00:37:05.389
She was 17 when she met Julius Caesar. It was

00:37:05.389 --> 00:37:08.690
good. 17 was like 40 back then. They didn't live

00:37:08.690 --> 00:37:10.829
long. She was Greek, and they were practicing

00:37:10.829 --> 00:37:13.769
Egyptian customs, and he was like the first dude

00:37:13.769 --> 00:37:15.889
that she could ever fuck that wasn't her brother.

00:37:16.210 --> 00:37:19.750
She was totally hyped on that. She was so hyped

00:37:19.750 --> 00:37:21.449
to be able to fuck a dude that wasn't her brother.

00:37:21.650 --> 00:37:25.230
Yeah, that's good. And it's Julius Caesar. Yeah,

00:37:25.329 --> 00:37:28.369
I already was a stud back then, man. Did some

00:37:28.369 --> 00:37:30.670
shit. All the statues say he is, but I mean,

00:37:30.710 --> 00:37:33.289
if I had a statue made of me, I'd fucking have

00:37:33.289 --> 00:37:35.429
me look like Fabio. Is he that statue with the

00:37:35.429 --> 00:37:37.150
junk out? He looked pretty normal. You know that

00:37:37.150 --> 00:37:39.090
statue where he'd be looking away? That's David.

00:37:39.289 --> 00:37:41.269
Oh, that's Adam? Like Adam and Eve? No, it's

00:37:41.269 --> 00:37:42.889
Adam. Adam and Eve, Adam? That was David, the

00:37:42.889 --> 00:37:44.690
statue of David. That's Michelangelo's Adam or

00:37:44.690 --> 00:37:49.280
someone's. Pull a statue of David. Oh, David's

00:37:49.280 --> 00:37:51.099
the one with the pinky muscle that they talk

00:37:51.099 --> 00:37:55.480
about. Oh, yeah. So my whole thing is like, yeah,

00:37:55.639 --> 00:37:58.360
he could be. He was very talented, obviously.

00:37:58.699 --> 00:38:02.460
I'm not fucking. But that whole pinky muscle

00:38:02.460 --> 00:38:05.300
thing, it's like if you had a model doing that,

00:38:05.340 --> 00:38:07.239
you would see that. Why do you have to know?

00:38:07.659 --> 00:38:10.219
That's still hard. It's hard as shit. I'm just

00:38:10.219 --> 00:38:13.579
saying. If you had that. They found evidence

00:38:13.579 --> 00:38:18.059
of like. I guess. I don't see nothing being built

00:38:18.059 --> 00:38:19.980
like this today. Yeah, me neither. Especially

00:38:19.980 --> 00:38:22.460
if I had a statue made like that and it was that

00:38:22.460 --> 00:38:25.440
small, I'd be pretty offended. That was a sign

00:38:25.440 --> 00:38:27.880
of... That's nothing compared to what the Egyptians

00:38:27.880 --> 00:38:32.119
did. Small dick was, like, intellect back then.

00:38:32.360 --> 00:38:35.380
Intellect, that was an excuse. I'm sorry, man.

00:38:35.800 --> 00:38:38.400
You all right? That's a fucking excuse. There

00:38:38.400 --> 00:38:40.800
was, like, this thing. There was, like, talk

00:38:40.800 --> 00:38:43.460
of, like, it would distract from all the other

00:38:43.460 --> 00:38:45.980
stuff. But when they did a gladiator's bust,

00:38:46.119 --> 00:38:48.159
they would make the face of the gladiator. And

00:38:48.159 --> 00:38:49.980
then at the bottom of the bust, they would have,

00:38:50.039 --> 00:38:52.059
like, a model of his cock sometimes. And was

00:38:52.059 --> 00:38:55.550
it huge? Some depends on the gladiators. I feel

00:38:55.550 --> 00:38:56.909
like that's what happened. The Warriors came

00:38:56.909 --> 00:38:59.369
in there, took it all over, and they were like,

00:38:59.449 --> 00:39:01.130
oh, we're intellectual because we're getting

00:39:01.130 --> 00:39:02.929
our asses wet. I don't know, man. I don't know.

00:39:03.030 --> 00:39:06.670
I got to study more history. You're very passive

00:39:06.670 --> 00:39:08.510
about this. Yes, I am because I'm like, man,

00:39:08.610 --> 00:39:11.389
I'm intellectual. Hell yeah, don't. I'm an intellectual

00:39:11.389 --> 00:39:13.489
guy. Yeah. But we know you have a good intellectual.

00:39:13.489 --> 00:39:16.090
But it's not small. Yeah, we know. Thank you.

00:39:16.110 --> 00:39:18.710
He's saying you're intellectual. I'm glad you

00:39:18.710 --> 00:39:21.650
know. Athena always looks relaxed. Yes. See.

00:39:22.349 --> 00:39:25.349
See, everybody knows. I appreciate that. Like,

00:39:25.349 --> 00:39:28.789
everybody knows. Sometimes Brandon wears sweatpants

00:39:28.789 --> 00:39:31.829
and maybe no underwear. Oh, my God. That's why.

00:39:32.030 --> 00:39:36.750
Because if you used a urinal, we'd see. Yeah,

00:39:36.909 --> 00:39:39.050
and that's why I'm scared of, man. And I'm scared.

00:39:39.110 --> 00:39:41.949
There's no way for him to fit. He is such a big

00:39:41.949 --> 00:39:44.150
dick. There's no way. I can't even sit down.

00:39:44.489 --> 00:39:47.349
I can't even sit on the toilet and take a deuce

00:39:47.349 --> 00:39:48.909
by having to struggle. Does it touch the water?

00:39:49.469 --> 00:39:52.679
Yeah, I have to fight. Yeah. I'm very happy for

00:39:52.679 --> 00:39:57.099
you, Brandon. Man, dude. I'm telling you. Okay,

00:39:57.599 --> 00:40:00.280
let me tell you what's happening. So when I try

00:40:00.280 --> 00:40:01.639
to sit down, I'm telling you, man. Which part

00:40:01.639 --> 00:40:06.940
of the water? No, what I have to do is push it

00:40:06.940 --> 00:40:10.840
down because then it's like it tries to hit up

00:40:10.840 --> 00:40:12.460
and then it gets stuck on the bowl. I'm like,

00:40:12.559 --> 00:40:14.380
no, we got to push the thing down and fight that.

00:40:14.840 --> 00:40:19.519
We got to fight that. And get it down low. Depends

00:40:19.519 --> 00:40:23.000
on how high the water is. That's why they don't

00:40:23.000 --> 00:40:25.699
have it on a public toilet, thank God. Yeah.

00:40:26.219 --> 00:40:29.219
The rim. The rim of it. They shouldn't have it

00:40:29.219 --> 00:40:30.639
in the U. I feel like they shouldn't have that

00:40:30.639 --> 00:40:33.139
at all. That's horrible. And that's sad, whoever

00:40:33.139 --> 00:40:36.340
said that, didn't they? Yeah. Who created that?

00:40:36.340 --> 00:40:39.000
Why is that not in houses, that kind of toilet

00:40:39.000 --> 00:40:41.880
seat? Oh, the U. Exactly. I know this. It's because

00:40:41.880 --> 00:40:44.219
Americans are so fat. That's only here, the U

00:40:44.219 --> 00:40:46.780
shape. The circle will snap, but the U will bend.

00:40:46.980 --> 00:40:49.099
So the public toilets have to be U shaped because

00:40:49.099 --> 00:40:52.829
people are so fat. Maybe we need a you. We all

00:40:52.829 --> 00:40:57.809
need you. I need a you. I need to use a you.

00:40:58.010 --> 00:41:01.929
I want a you. I could use it. Tired of the round

00:41:01.929 --> 00:41:05.820
circle bowl that makes me feel bad. Yeah. Makes

00:41:05.820 --> 00:41:08.039
me feel unsent. I don't like that. Yeah, scratching

00:41:08.039 --> 00:41:10.719
you all up. Exactly. I'm like, I got to fight,

00:41:10.820 --> 00:41:13.719
push down, make sure. So do you sit down then

00:41:13.719 --> 00:41:15.760
push it down? Well, I got to because I'm like,

00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:17.360
I'm not just going to let it lift up and lay

00:41:17.360 --> 00:41:20.280
all over this place on top, like just be there.

00:41:20.440 --> 00:41:22.000
No, but I'm saying you can sit down with it.

00:41:22.460 --> 00:41:24.800
Sit down with what? You know, go in there. You

00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:27.639
sit down and then push it down. And hold down

00:41:27.639 --> 00:41:29.340
to make sure it doesn't touch enough. Yeah. Because

00:41:29.340 --> 00:41:31.400
I'm like, we can't have that, man. You don't

00:41:31.400 --> 00:41:33.019
know what the hell is on that seat. Mm -hmm.

00:41:34.840 --> 00:41:43.719
Guests come. What? They come over. I've come

00:41:43.719 --> 00:41:48.639
in a public restroom. I think we are. No, I don't

00:41:48.639 --> 00:41:50.820
believe I have. I was thinking about it. I don't

00:41:50.820 --> 00:41:52.019
think that's one thing out there. You've not

00:41:52.019 --> 00:41:54.519
jerked out of work? Okay, see, I can't do that.

00:41:54.659 --> 00:41:57.599
I've only come in public once. I feel bad. So

00:41:57.599 --> 00:41:59.719
at Olive Garden in Kentucky, I would get really

00:41:59.719 --> 00:42:02.480
bored. I'd jerk off. No. This one time in Wisconsin

00:42:02.480 --> 00:42:04.460
at this McDonald's, my manager almost walked

00:42:04.460 --> 00:42:06.079
in on me. He was doing it in the closet. What

00:42:06.079 --> 00:42:08.659
are you just, what? Whoa, no. Okay, I don't,

00:42:08.659 --> 00:42:10.860
no. I don't do that. You're just jacking off

00:42:10.860 --> 00:42:12.099
in a closet at McDonald's? I was just bored.

00:42:12.159 --> 00:42:13.559
Yeah, I was just bored. You don't have nothing

00:42:13.559 --> 00:42:15.139
to do. You couldn't lock the door? So you just

00:42:15.139 --> 00:42:18.739
decided to do it. You had plenty to do. I was

00:42:18.739 --> 00:42:20.760
fucking 20, all right? Let's eat some burgers,

00:42:20.900 --> 00:42:25.650
man. I'm 20. You don't see me at work. I'm insecure

00:42:25.650 --> 00:42:27.550
at work, man. People be trying to get in. To

00:42:27.550 --> 00:42:29.289
be fair, Brandon has a bit about Jack at work.

00:42:29.449 --> 00:42:30.750
He's like, I don't want to throw out the homeless

00:42:30.750 --> 00:42:34.389
guy because. That's a great joke. That's a great

00:42:34.389 --> 00:42:39.670
joke. Yeah. I would. Yeah. That's not something

00:42:39.670 --> 00:42:43.090
I think. Have you ever? No. You? No, I can't,

00:42:43.090 --> 00:42:45.170
man. What about driving? Alex, you're on your

00:42:45.170 --> 00:42:48.550
own. Comment down below. Ace, I'm looking at

00:42:48.550 --> 00:42:51.989
you. Ace, I know you have. People try to open

00:42:51.989 --> 00:42:54.130
the door and knock. And how can you feel secure?

00:42:54.969 --> 00:42:57.309
That's the cool part. That ain't the cool part.

00:42:57.369 --> 00:42:58.889
I open the door, they're like, oh, it's just

00:42:58.889 --> 00:43:02.690
you, Brandon. It's like he's not supposed to

00:43:02.690 --> 00:43:05.710
be doing that. So it's like, my girlfriend's

00:43:05.710 --> 00:43:07.349
blind. She talks to her in the movie. She's like,

00:43:07.389 --> 00:43:10.420
what's going on? Man, they ban people that do

00:43:10.420 --> 00:43:12.559
that, man. They ban that homeless guy. Good.

00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:15.739
Good. Yeah, I remember because somebody walked

00:43:15.739 --> 00:43:23.059
in there. He didn't lock the door. And they just

00:43:23.059 --> 00:43:29.960
walked in on him. The way he did. Do we have

00:43:29.960 --> 00:43:33.360
that on camera? Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

00:43:33.719 --> 00:43:37.400
Yeah. Lock the door. I got to lock it. A PSA.

00:43:37.440 --> 00:43:39.039
We still got a bloody knife somewhere over here.

00:43:40.840 --> 00:43:43.400
You had to take that picture off? No, I just

00:43:43.400 --> 00:43:44.679
put it here because I'm like, why is his hand

00:43:44.679 --> 00:43:48.880
so veiny? My hand is kind of veiny. But that's

00:43:48.880 --> 00:43:50.900
extra veiny, man. Which hand is that? He's in

00:43:50.900 --> 00:43:54.599
shake. That's the right hand? I don't know. No.

00:43:55.320 --> 00:44:00.159
Yeah, right hand. It's a sign. What's the sign?

00:44:01.859 --> 00:44:03.519
We all know what the sign is, man. He probably

00:44:03.519 --> 00:44:05.480
doing, like, I don't know, man. He's just probably

00:44:05.480 --> 00:44:06.880
doing stuff. I mean, I don't know what the fuck

00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:09.519
he could do it with, but he was doing stuff.

00:44:09.940 --> 00:44:11.440
Well, with that dick, you better work out. Doing

00:44:11.440 --> 00:44:15.079
what? What we were talking about at McDonald's,

00:44:15.079 --> 00:44:17.340
right? With the whack in the McDonald's closet.

00:44:17.579 --> 00:44:19.519
So jack it off. You know you could just say that.

00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:23.280
Yeah, this dude jacked. And that's what it looks

00:44:23.280 --> 00:44:27.119
like. Why did you not want to say jack it off?

00:44:27.159 --> 00:44:30.179
Okay, jack off. That's one of those new marriage

00:44:30.179 --> 00:44:33.400
rules. That just sounds weird. I like jerking

00:44:33.400 --> 00:44:37.239
off better than jacking off. I like yanking the

00:44:37.239 --> 00:44:40.139
chain, man. You just say yanking the chain. Busting

00:44:40.139 --> 00:44:44.460
a nut. Playing whoopie on myself. Rubbing one

00:44:44.460 --> 00:44:48.639
out. Cranking the hog. I like choking the chicken.

00:44:48.639 --> 00:44:55.679
Turning on the chainsaw. Beating the dog. Beating

00:44:55.679 --> 00:45:00.019
your meat. Yeah. That's what they use today a

00:45:00.019 --> 00:45:02.599
lot. Feeding the pigeons. Feeding the pigeons.

00:45:03.280 --> 00:45:10.019
Killing the Tony. No. What's that mean? Nobody

00:45:10.019 --> 00:45:12.559
uses that. You don't want to kill Tony and tell

00:45:12.559 --> 00:45:14.820
him that? But I'd be like, hey, man, you ever

00:45:14.820 --> 00:45:21.860
kill your Tony? Killing the Tony. That's going

00:45:21.860 --> 00:45:23.260
to be a new saying. That's the episode there,

00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:27.929
killing the Tony. Play the old skin flute. Be

00:45:27.929 --> 00:45:30.369
stressed to old... What is that? Eucordian or

00:45:30.369 --> 00:45:33.170
whatever it's called. Stressed to old Eucordian.

00:45:33.269 --> 00:45:35.269
Dude, I know a dude that stressed it too far

00:45:35.269 --> 00:45:38.750
and sprained it. He sprained his... Yeah, I was

00:45:38.750 --> 00:45:40.250
like in the lunch line in my school and this

00:45:40.250 --> 00:45:41.949
dude was just talking to his friend. He's like,

00:45:42.050 --> 00:45:43.590
yeah, I'm out in the bathroom. My mom walked

00:45:43.590 --> 00:45:46.530
in and I was jacking off and when I opened the

00:45:46.530 --> 00:45:48.570
door, I yanked it too far and it just sprained.

00:45:49.610 --> 00:45:51.530
Damn. And he like, yeah, pulled it out of place.

00:45:52.190 --> 00:45:54.610
You want to hear something crazy? I can pop it.

00:45:55.349 --> 00:45:58.969
You can pop it? Like a knuckle. Really? It's

00:45:58.969 --> 00:46:01.849
like the root. I can pop the root. For real,

00:46:01.849 --> 00:46:04.170
man? If it's really hard, I can kind of push

00:46:04.170 --> 00:46:07.070
it down, and the root will pop. So how does that

00:46:07.070 --> 00:46:09.909
feel? Does this hurt? I swear to God. For real,

00:46:09.909 --> 00:46:11.809
man? I can give you references. You can give

00:46:11.809 --> 00:46:13.389
me references? I can give you references. You

00:46:13.389 --> 00:46:17.460
sure you want to do it? No, I can... I can get

00:46:17.460 --> 00:46:19.519
you in touch with somebody who's seen me do it.

00:46:19.840 --> 00:46:23.260
You put your hand in my pants. I'll put my hand

00:46:23.260 --> 00:46:26.260
on your hand and then you do it. That way I'm

00:46:26.260 --> 00:46:27.699
not touching your dick. You guys have to just

00:46:27.699 --> 00:46:30.659
go in the bathroom and figure it out. Can you

00:46:30.659 --> 00:46:32.179
make it loud where I can hear from the door?

00:46:32.300 --> 00:46:34.099
Because I don't want to go in there. So you want

00:46:34.099 --> 00:46:36.480
him to go in there and jack off while you stand

00:46:36.480 --> 00:46:41.219
outside the door? No, man. He didn't need it.

00:46:41.219 --> 00:46:43.659
He just popped. You just want to hear the pop.

00:46:44.510 --> 00:46:46.349
Real hard, like you said he had to. We take me

00:46:46.349 --> 00:46:49.010
to the strip club. We get a stripper to cooperate.

00:46:49.530 --> 00:46:50.570
Oh, you have to be hard? Yeah, I have to be hard.

00:46:50.590 --> 00:46:52.130
I have to be rock hard. This is crazy, too. Or

00:46:52.130 --> 00:46:54.670
else it can't work. We get a stripper to cooperate.

00:46:54.929 --> 00:46:56.469
I'm telling you guys I can pull this off. I don't

00:46:56.469 --> 00:46:59.250
like how you put that. I can tell you guys I

00:46:59.250 --> 00:47:01.050
can pull this off. I won't pay her like a whore.

00:47:01.150 --> 00:47:03.510
You guys pay her. That way she's loyal to you.

00:47:03.750 --> 00:47:05.389
Make sure I don't have any money going in there.

00:47:05.789 --> 00:47:09.690
No. You just try to get a free lap dance. What

00:47:09.690 --> 00:47:12.869
are you talking about? This is crazy. He thinks

00:47:12.869 --> 00:47:16.550
you're pure? Charles will be there also as a

00:47:16.550 --> 00:47:18.829
witness. You just want Charles in the room with

00:47:18.829 --> 00:47:22.369
you. So he's going to watch this? He would be

00:47:22.369 --> 00:47:26.650
so uncomfortable. I know. I wish we could film

00:47:26.650 --> 00:47:29.250
his first lap dance. Oh, yes. Just defenseless?

00:47:29.469 --> 00:47:33.980
Yeah. Oh, you haven't had one either, but you

00:47:33.980 --> 00:47:35.980
can't, right? Yeah, I can't do that. You can't

00:47:35.980 --> 00:47:39.619
do that. Is she close to cheating? No, no, definitely

00:47:39.619 --> 00:47:42.519
not that. Even, yeah, I'm good. I don't want

00:47:42.519 --> 00:47:44.260
that. No, but would she be okay with it? Yeah,

00:47:44.260 --> 00:47:47.019
which one would she be better with? Because it's

00:47:47.019 --> 00:47:48.639
just her that needs to be okay with it. What

00:47:48.639 --> 00:47:50.380
if she comes with you and you both get a lap

00:47:50.380 --> 00:47:52.480
dance? Huh? What if you both get a lap dance

00:47:52.480 --> 00:47:56.340
from ladies? Yeah, women have the most fun at

00:47:56.340 --> 00:47:58.280
the strip club, for sure. Women do want to go.

00:47:58.539 --> 00:48:04.050
Hailey wanted to go, but, you know. No. I don't

00:48:04.050 --> 00:48:08.909
know. Look, they sleep on it. And then ask her.

00:48:09.670 --> 00:48:13.550
Just ask Tina and say, would you rather me get

00:48:13.550 --> 00:48:14.809
one from a guy or a girl? Because we're doing

00:48:14.809 --> 00:48:18.329
a segment. And we're doing this. We're getting

00:48:18.329 --> 00:48:21.469
one for Charles. The people who has never had

00:48:21.469 --> 00:48:25.670
one before. Dante's had plenty. I can guarantee

00:48:25.670 --> 00:48:30.230
you that. And he didn't stop talking at all.

00:48:31.089 --> 00:48:32.389
But his picture's up in there. Oh, he was talking

00:48:32.389 --> 00:48:34.710
to her the whole time? That's funny. Top earner.

00:48:34.929 --> 00:48:37.690
If a dude did that to me, I would cry. Huh? I'd

00:48:37.690 --> 00:48:40.130
be traumatized. Like, what you doing, man? If

00:48:40.130 --> 00:48:42.670
what? If some dude just got on me and started

00:48:42.670 --> 00:48:44.489
giving me a lap dance, I'd be traumatized. Yeah,

00:48:44.489 --> 00:48:46.250
yeah, yeah. I was just playing along. I'd be

00:48:46.250 --> 00:48:48.909
hurt, man. You never felt muscles like that.

00:48:49.010 --> 00:48:51.920
Yeah. No, I just would be, like, dude, I wouldn't,

00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:53.980
man, that would fuck me up for life. I'd be like,

00:48:54.079 --> 00:48:56.400
this dude just got on my, what the hell? But

00:48:56.400 --> 00:48:59.159
what if he's in, like, a cop uniform? Dude, no,

00:48:59.300 --> 00:49:03.400
man, I can't, this ain't the YMCA, man. No, but

00:49:03.400 --> 00:49:04.940
what if you think he's a cop? What if you think

00:49:04.940 --> 00:49:07.440
he's a cop? Then you're relieved. What if you're

00:49:07.440 --> 00:49:09.219
like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I just don't know what

00:49:09.219 --> 00:49:11.059
to do because, like, he's got a gun. I'm going

00:49:11.059 --> 00:49:13.719
to be like, this cop raped me, man. Well, he's

00:49:13.719 --> 00:49:15.679
not raping you, he's just rubbing around. But

00:49:15.679 --> 00:49:17.340
I didn't tell him he could do that. You got to

00:49:17.340 --> 00:49:21.239
have my consent. I didn't say yeah. He just turned

00:49:21.239 --> 00:49:22.539
around and be like, nah, that's finna happen.

00:49:22.699 --> 00:49:24.679
That's like bad, man. Well, he's acting like

00:49:24.679 --> 00:49:26.239
he's a cop. He's like, get on the ground. So

00:49:26.239 --> 00:49:28.579
you think you're about to get shot or go to jail?

00:49:28.619 --> 00:49:30.670
He's like, I'm just playing. I'm here to party.

00:49:30.929 --> 00:49:33.349
See, I don't know, man. I'm good. He has oil

00:49:33.349 --> 00:49:35.110
on and stuff. Yeah, but you're already tied up.

00:49:35.150 --> 00:49:41.170
Dude, see how horrible that is now? That's traumatizing.

00:49:41.170 --> 00:49:44.389
This is the next big segment. You're going to

00:49:44.389 --> 00:49:47.550
have to wrestle your way out of it. The black

00:49:47.550 --> 00:49:52.989
bear saves you. The black bear saves you. Why

00:49:52.989 --> 00:50:01.099
would he be getting kidnapped by a cop? Be black.

00:50:02.179 --> 00:50:05.039
That's all you need, dude. So I did have this

00:50:05.039 --> 00:50:09.239
idea for you would play George Zimmerman and

00:50:09.239 --> 00:50:11.900
he would play Trayvon Martin. I would have to

00:50:11.900 --> 00:50:14.760
shave my beard. I don't want to play George Zimmerman.

00:50:14.760 --> 00:50:18.539
Not you, Dom. Oh my God. You thought you would

00:50:18.539 --> 00:50:20.480
play George Zimmerman? I did. Because he pointed

00:50:20.480 --> 00:50:26.119
right at me. I was like, okay. I was actually

00:50:26.119 --> 00:50:29.500
going to say. Now, you'd play George Zimmerman's

00:50:29.500 --> 00:50:31.500
friend who would be, like, defending him, but

00:50:31.500 --> 00:50:33.380
nothing racial. You would never bring up anything

00:50:33.380 --> 00:50:36.039
racial. I would say you people a lot. I would

00:50:36.039 --> 00:50:39.139
say these people. People in our neighborhood

00:50:39.139 --> 00:50:42.739
just don't get it. Some of the louder folk. The

00:50:42.739 --> 00:50:45.880
louder folk. In the neighborhood. Sounds like

00:50:45.880 --> 00:50:48.159
an ancient slur, the louder folk. Yeah, the louder

00:50:48.159 --> 00:50:52.639
folk. Sound legendary. Dude. I went home one

00:50:52.639 --> 00:50:56.320
year for New Year's, and, uh... I was at my cousin's

00:50:56.320 --> 00:50:58.340
house and one of their friends came over and

00:50:58.340 --> 00:51:01.900
it was the loudest person. I mean, it was like

00:51:01.900 --> 00:51:04.260
she was screaming. She was a little, she was

00:51:04.260 --> 00:51:06.960
like five foot two. Now she could project. loud

00:51:06.960 --> 00:51:09.159
she was screaming well no it was like that's

00:51:09.159 --> 00:51:12.400
her voice but she was yelling so loud like i

00:51:12.400 --> 00:51:15.280
left and came back i could hear her all the way

00:51:15.280 --> 00:51:20.440
out or no nobody is that loud we've never before

00:51:20.440 --> 00:51:23.719
joked about my mom who's a big fan of the podcast

00:51:23.719 --> 00:51:27.719
by the way turns out yeah oh i just know she's

00:51:27.719 --> 00:51:34.219
jewish That's why he's Jewish. Only her. Whereas

00:51:34.219 --> 00:51:37.000
David Friedlander, his dad's Jewish. So him,

00:51:37.059 --> 00:51:40.519
not real. Not a real Jew. That is true. You got

00:51:40.519 --> 00:51:44.980
to come from the chlum. The womb, huh? The chlum.

00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:49.119
Would you ever convert to Judaism? I'd have to

00:51:49.119 --> 00:51:51.619
study it. Yeah, we'll put you in a class and

00:51:51.619 --> 00:51:54.139
take all the proper... Oh, Brandon is midlife.

00:51:56.049 --> 00:51:58.789
Would you deliver babies? Would I deliver? Yeah,

00:51:58.829 --> 00:52:00.909
I am. Well, you might have to. Yeah, I am. Is

00:52:00.909 --> 00:52:02.889
it entirely possible, Brandon? Dude, Brandon

00:52:02.889 --> 00:52:03.809
would be the most relaxing. Do you know what

00:52:03.809 --> 00:52:05.889
to do? Oh, no, they haven't got to that part

00:52:05.889 --> 00:52:07.329
yet, man. They haven't got to that part? When

00:52:07.329 --> 00:52:11.300
they do, I will. And you just passed. You're

00:52:11.300 --> 00:52:14.260
about to go on. Clinical. Clinical. She's going

00:52:14.260 --> 00:52:16.139
to get out there in the field. Yes, I am. That

00:52:16.139 --> 00:52:18.300
big boy Brandon. So if you need your life saved.

00:52:18.679 --> 00:52:20.559
Now's the time to do it. Now, if you've ever

00:52:20.559 --> 00:52:22.420
been trying to, like, fuck around with big scissors

00:52:22.420 --> 00:52:24.880
and, like, you know, with your fingers. Brandon,

00:52:24.920 --> 00:52:26.199
you know something, like, really funny about

00:52:26.199 --> 00:52:29.260
CPR? Yeah. So, like, when you're doing the chest

00:52:29.260 --> 00:52:30.539
compressions, you're supposed to do something

00:52:30.539 --> 00:52:32.280
like the Bee Gees because it has a really good

00:52:32.280 --> 00:52:34.099
rhythm for it. Staying alive. Yep. It's really

00:52:34.099 --> 00:52:38.519
ironic, right? Staying alive. Staying alive.

00:52:39.000 --> 00:52:40.800
You know, it also has the same rhythm, and Charlie

00:52:40.800 --> 00:52:43.460
pointed this out to me. Another One Bites the

00:52:43.460 --> 00:52:45.900
Dust. Oh, yeah. Another One Bites the Dust. Isn't

00:52:45.900 --> 00:52:48.780
that crazy? Yeah, it is crazy. They said, no,

00:52:48.920 --> 00:52:50.820
I don't think this is true. I saw it on Instagram.

00:52:50.960 --> 00:52:53.119
They said that there was a Kendrick Lamar song

00:52:53.119 --> 00:52:55.019
where he was dissing Drake that can actually

00:52:55.019 --> 00:52:59.460
save lives. Damn, dude. Maybe Kendrick is the

00:52:59.460 --> 00:53:01.360
best. Yeah, Kendrick won if that's the case.

00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:03.659
He's out of line. Maybe he is the best, dude.

00:53:03.659 --> 00:53:05.659
Kendrick won. You can't. Certified lover boy,

00:53:05.780 --> 00:53:07.400
certified pedophile. Yeah, he's saving lives.

00:53:09.559 --> 00:53:11.579
What lives is Drake saving? He can kill somebody.

00:53:11.760 --> 00:53:15.500
Man, what lies is Drake saving, man? I don't

00:53:15.500 --> 00:53:17.340
know, man. But to the light -skinned king himself,

00:53:17.539 --> 00:53:20.920
Drake, I just want you to know that his album's

00:53:20.920 --> 00:53:22.840
number one again. So after all that shit, his

00:53:22.840 --> 00:53:25.260
album's still number one. Some sexy songs for

00:53:25.260 --> 00:53:27.019
you. He can't be touched. Him and Party Next

00:53:27.019 --> 00:53:29.579
Door's album. Is that like a new one or is that

00:53:29.579 --> 00:53:32.219
old? It's called No Beer. I think Nokia or some

00:53:32.219 --> 00:53:35.879
shit like that. We still got the dick up. No,

00:53:35.879 --> 00:53:38.360
that's the fingers now. The nicks up there, too.

00:53:38.460 --> 00:53:40.880
Oh, yeah, man. There's plenty of them. Little

00:53:40.880 --> 00:53:46.019
shrimps. It's Captain D's popcorn shrimp, man.

00:53:50.960 --> 00:53:52.619
That's still going to haunt me in my dreams.

00:53:52.699 --> 00:53:54.719
Looks like it's just sleeping on the nutsack.

00:53:55.380 --> 00:53:57.920
Exactly. What the hell? Look at this. You scared

00:53:57.920 --> 00:54:02.829
of that? That's a new one. That's a woman. That's

00:54:02.829 --> 00:54:12.449
my kind of woman. That's a woman for real? No.

00:54:15.889 --> 00:54:20.190
I can't see nothing. It's so damn small. You

00:54:20.190 --> 00:54:22.670
ever seen a woman that look like that? No, I'm

00:54:22.670 --> 00:54:25.710
just joking. I know this is a dude. I know a

00:54:25.710 --> 00:54:28.960
couple people look like this. It is. All right,

00:54:28.980 --> 00:54:30.460
Brandon, let's pull up some hot shit. Very supple

00:54:30.460 --> 00:54:35.199
boy. Very shapely boy. Type in Venus, just like

00:54:35.199 --> 00:54:38.780
me. Type in Venus of Wendeldorf. I'll help you

00:54:38.780 --> 00:54:41.019
with the second one. It's right there. It's right

00:54:41.019 --> 00:54:43.039
there. Oh, shit. Is that the big one? This is

00:54:43.039 --> 00:54:44.739
one of the oldest pieces of ancient art ever

00:54:44.739 --> 00:54:47.440
found made by men. Here we go. This is some fine

00:54:47.440 --> 00:54:49.659
-ass shit right here, dude. This is a thick bitch.

00:54:49.920 --> 00:54:51.860
So this is early porn, right? Oh, this is the

00:54:51.860 --> 00:54:55.380
earliest porn. 30 ,000 years old. 30 ,000 years

00:54:55.380 --> 00:54:58.360
old. That's a good time. Oh, yeah, dude. I go

00:54:58.360 --> 00:54:59.800
a different angle, and I'll get you guys. They

00:54:59.800 --> 00:55:01.500
got no face on that hoe, because that ain't important.

00:55:02.780 --> 00:55:04.659
She has a basket over her head, because we kidnapped

00:55:04.659 --> 00:55:07.340
her. That could be. It could be. Hell, yeah.

00:55:07.619 --> 00:55:09.599
It's like some kinks thing. She fine. She's fine,

00:55:09.599 --> 00:55:10.780
though. You see, she's thick. She ain't got no

00:55:10.780 --> 00:55:14.539
booty, though. Go back to that. No booty. Is

00:55:14.539 --> 00:55:17.559
this like Lizzo right here? Yeah, but Lizzo back

00:55:17.559 --> 00:55:18.300
in the day was a Kardashian. I don't think Lizzo

00:55:18.300 --> 00:55:20.380
got titties like that, though. Those are some

00:55:20.380 --> 00:55:22.539
monsters, right? She's skinny now. Have you seen

00:55:22.539 --> 00:55:25.440
her? Dude, I have. And she, like, burned a picture

00:55:25.440 --> 00:55:28.559
of her fat self or something. She's, like, completely,

00:55:28.679 --> 00:55:32.039
like, it's on. Yeah, yeah. Shows you some people,

00:55:32.099 --> 00:55:34.639
it's not good to be, some people, it's okay to

00:55:34.639 --> 00:55:36.579
be fat because you're fat, like me, but it's

00:55:36.579 --> 00:55:38.480
not good. You want to know what I'm dealing with?

00:55:38.639 --> 00:55:41.000
Right now? What? Fucking hemorrhoids out, dude.

00:55:41.079 --> 00:55:43.920
I'm telling you. The size of Brandon. Damn, bro.

00:55:44.199 --> 00:55:47.860
We'll end it right here. I've had to go to urgent

00:55:47.860 --> 00:55:51.380
care, and I have to take two days off of work

00:55:51.380 --> 00:55:54.980
because of the, what? I just didn't see that

00:55:54.980 --> 00:55:57.179
hole right there. That's Dom's hole. That's a

00:55:57.179 --> 00:55:59.519
hole in my asshole right now. Damn, bro. Zoom

00:55:59.519 --> 00:56:01.719
in on that, Brandon. Yeah, listen. It is zoomed

00:56:01.719 --> 00:56:03.239
in all the way at the bottom right. We can zoom

00:56:03.239 --> 00:56:05.599
in some more right there. How do you know how

00:56:05.599 --> 00:56:08.739
to do it that good? Right? What the fuck? I don't

00:56:08.739 --> 00:56:10.920
think he know what he did. It's too... Oh, okay.

00:56:11.159 --> 00:56:13.880
Damn, hold on. You like CSI, Brandon. You got

00:56:13.880 --> 00:56:18.500
this. That was insane. Enhance. Enhance. There

00:56:18.500 --> 00:56:23.079
we go. The image quality was phenomenal. It is.

00:56:23.320 --> 00:56:25.199
Look at it. Now, if we could... That's beautiful.

00:56:25.480 --> 00:56:27.559
Get right into Dante's moose knuckle on that

00:56:27.559 --> 00:56:31.000
more exposed one. Now that's exactly how the

00:56:31.000 --> 00:56:36.920
moose knuckle looked on Dante. Go to the frontal,

00:56:36.960 --> 00:56:39.239
full frontal of the Venus, and if we could zoom

00:56:39.239 --> 00:56:41.739
right in into that fupa. Oh, I got you. Hold

00:56:41.739 --> 00:56:43.619
on, let's go up here. That one doesn't have much

00:56:43.619 --> 00:56:45.179
of a pussy on it. There we go. This one right

00:56:45.179 --> 00:56:48.280
here. There we go. Yeah, let's... Hold on, I

00:56:48.280 --> 00:56:50.000
got you. Let's see how far we can get into that.

00:56:50.440 --> 00:56:53.239
That is like pagan as fuck with the basket over

00:56:53.239 --> 00:56:55.340
the head. Dude, it's so hot. We're like basket

00:56:55.340 --> 00:56:57.480
masses. Zoom in here. Oh, my God. If you can't

00:56:57.480 --> 00:56:59.079
get pregnant with this thing, I don't know what's

00:56:59.079 --> 00:57:01.840
going on. I'll put a side -by -side of Dante's.

00:57:01.900 --> 00:57:03.840
All I see is... When I see this... Baba, baba,

00:57:03.880 --> 00:57:06.000
baba, baba, baba. That's what I see right there.

00:57:06.079 --> 00:57:10.320
You know what I mean. No. What? I'm talking about...

00:57:10.320 --> 00:57:14.429
Remember what mush mouth? I thought you were

00:57:14.429 --> 00:57:17.150
talking about the flapjack character. Oh, shit,

00:57:17.329 --> 00:57:19.829
yeah. But let's talk about these hemorrhoids.

00:57:19.869 --> 00:57:22.250
No, I'm just telling you guys, it gets rough.

00:57:22.769 --> 00:57:25.050
Dude, I'm just hoping that you're not my first

00:57:25.050 --> 00:57:28.929
call. And it could be. That'd be horrible. I

00:57:28.929 --> 00:57:30.750
was treating one, and they went to the fucking

00:57:30.750 --> 00:57:33.000
doctor. They didn't even look in there. Went

00:57:33.000 --> 00:57:34.840
to urgent care. He was like, yeah, okay, this

00:57:34.840 --> 00:57:37.159
is what you do. Prescribe me something that I

00:57:37.159 --> 00:57:38.840
went to four different pharmacies and can't get.

00:57:39.199 --> 00:57:41.239
Guess where he got the medicine from. Where'd

00:57:41.239 --> 00:57:43.480
you get this medicine from? Star Market. It was

00:57:43.480 --> 00:57:45.500
the only place. That's where I get my medicine

00:57:45.500 --> 00:57:47.019
from. Really? Yeah, that's where that person's

00:57:47.019 --> 00:57:49.360
from. It's a compound, because a compound means

00:57:49.360 --> 00:57:51.369
they have to make it. So I still haven't got

00:57:51.369 --> 00:57:52.429
it yet because it takes a day to buy it. So it's

00:57:52.429 --> 00:57:54.489
just some Asian man in the back making you free.

00:57:54.710 --> 00:57:56.929
Dude, it's that sidecar. No, my bad. I don't

00:57:56.929 --> 00:57:58.329
mean to rephrase it. His name is Hassan. He's

00:57:58.329 --> 00:58:00.670
a good guy. So it's not that pharmacist back

00:58:00.670 --> 00:58:02.630
there? Because I had... You remember that pharmacist

00:58:02.630 --> 00:58:05.369
I told you tried to violate me? At that concert?

00:58:05.769 --> 00:58:08.789
That was Star's Market. I feel like a lot of

00:58:08.789 --> 00:58:13.530
stories come back to... No, wait. Somebody said

00:58:13.530 --> 00:58:15.010
that at my school the other day. I was like,

00:58:15.030 --> 00:58:17.409
damn, man. You got a lot of weird shit. I was

00:58:17.409 --> 00:58:19.889
like... Yeah, brother. They starting to notice

00:58:19.889 --> 00:58:23.210
it now? Yeah. It's like everybody say that. I'm

00:58:23.210 --> 00:58:27.530
like, damn, man. Uh -huh. How do you try to violate

00:58:27.530 --> 00:58:29.809
you, though? Let's end on that. No, it's the

00:58:29.809 --> 00:58:31.389
woman. It's the woman. No, I'm talking about

00:58:31.389 --> 00:58:33.369
the woman. I'm talking about the woman. The lady,

00:58:33.369 --> 00:58:34.570
man. No, I know you're talking about that. Oh,

00:58:34.670 --> 00:58:35.590
I thought you said you. Oh, I thought it was

00:58:35.590 --> 00:58:38.190
the dude. No, no, it was no dude. The BBC. Remember

00:58:38.190 --> 00:58:40.349
the one that showed me her autistic kid? Yeah,

00:58:40.349 --> 00:58:43.809
yeah, yeah. Her. Mm -hmm. Man, Huntsville's a

00:58:43.809 --> 00:58:46.090
small town, dude. It's very small, man. Well,

00:58:46.210 --> 00:58:51.289
it's getting bigger. You're telling me. I'm here.

00:58:51.829 --> 00:58:59.269
You guys got anything to promote? We're on Jonathan's

00:58:59.269 --> 00:59:06.670
show. Levity Live. When is the showcase? March.

00:59:09.090 --> 00:59:11.530
It's somewhere around there. Sometime in March.

00:59:11.590 --> 00:59:15.570
I think it's the 19th. We'll have a showcase.

00:59:16.030 --> 00:59:20.590
19th more than likely. I'm on it. Other people

00:59:20.590 --> 00:59:24.670
are also on it. Comedian Hope Rangel is on it.

00:59:28.510 --> 00:59:30.650
Possibly other comedians also will be on it.

00:59:30.650 --> 00:59:34.550
You know who else made it? No. Well, congratulations,

00:59:34.690 --> 00:59:36.510
young team. Congratulations. Let me get you a

00:59:36.510 --> 00:59:38.130
little hug. I've been on there a couple times.

00:59:38.150 --> 00:59:40.389
It's all right. Hell yeah, dude. It's okay. Yeah,

00:59:40.429 --> 00:59:41.989
a lot of people had to get said that. William

00:59:41.989 --> 00:59:44.289
Allen Strickland, Uncle Lazer, Casca Kids, whatever.

00:59:44.329 --> 00:59:47.349
It's fine. Who's Strickland? Who? William Allen

00:59:47.349 --> 00:59:48.809
Strickland, right after he was on Condon. It's

00:59:48.809 --> 00:59:50.389
okay. I opened him right before I opened him.

00:59:50.389 --> 00:59:53.110
Oh, that dude. I do remember that. I remember

00:59:53.110 --> 00:59:56.949
him, too. Yeah. Yeah. Good dude. Yeah, he was.

00:59:57.030 --> 00:59:59.849
I'm kidding. He was cool in the green room. Then

00:59:59.849 --> 01:00:01.329
he kicked you out of the green room? No, that

01:00:01.329 --> 01:00:04.210
was Uncle Lazer. But he also kicked you out of

01:00:04.210 --> 01:00:05.989
your hotel room. He needed a minute. He needed

01:00:05.989 --> 01:00:08.429
a minute, you know? Oh, yeah. I'm sure he needed

01:00:08.429 --> 01:00:10.130
a minute. Everybody knew that. I was just drunk.

01:00:10.130 --> 01:00:12.690
I wasn't paying attention. I didn't realize he

01:00:12.690 --> 01:00:13.769
was about to go up. I was like, oh, you want

01:00:13.769 --> 01:00:16.809
me to? He was like, go. All right. He was out

01:00:16.809 --> 01:00:19.329
of there. Shout out Uncle Lazer. This is funny.

01:00:19.329 --> 01:00:21.570
Shout out Uncle Lazer. He killed on Kill Tony.

01:00:21.650 --> 01:00:23.840
Yeah, he killed on Kill Tony. He did. I'll say

01:00:23.840 --> 01:00:25.800
this. Whenever I used to watch, I'd be like,

01:00:25.880 --> 01:00:27.079
you know, because he's always trying to do a

01:00:27.079 --> 01:00:28.460
story in a minute. I'm like, what the fuck is

01:00:28.460 --> 01:00:30.480
he doing? Whenever I first started seeing him,

01:00:30.519 --> 01:00:33.000
and then I seen him live, dude's a murderer.

01:00:33.400 --> 01:00:37.199
People love him. Yeah. Normal people love him.

01:00:37.260 --> 01:00:41.719
Yeah. If you see him out. just do a show, he's

01:00:41.719 --> 01:00:44.639
going to kill. He's a unique personality. Somebody

01:00:44.639 --> 01:00:46.760
knows somebody like him, especially around the

01:00:46.760 --> 01:00:50.960
Midwest. He's remarkably unique. And he's full

01:00:50.960 --> 01:00:53.239
-time Uncle Lazer. That's how he is offstage.

01:00:53.320 --> 01:00:56.940
I watched him get a parking ticket for it, just

01:00:56.940 --> 01:00:59.039
a ticket for the car. He walked up like he was

01:00:59.039 --> 01:01:03.840
Uncle Lazer thing. He was alone. He was alone.

01:01:04.019 --> 01:01:06.860
He was still Uncle Lazer. It was beautiful. That's

01:01:06.860 --> 01:01:10.239
him, dog. He's the shit. That's him, dude. All

01:01:10.239 --> 01:01:12.559
right, y 'all. That's it. Good shit. Appreciate

01:01:12.559 --> 01:01:14.179
you. See you next week. Hell yeah. Good luck

01:01:14.179 --> 01:01:53.110
on your hand, bro. Hate Scrappy -Doo.