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This week on Clown College.

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You're a Hufflepuff and all that shit, dude.

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That's your vibe.

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You are a Hufflepuff.

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Yes, I am a Hufflepuff.

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A Hufflepuff that hangs with Gryffindors.

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Oh, yeah.

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That's who you can hang out with.

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Yeah, I still hang out with Gryffindors, man.

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You got love for them?

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Hell yeah, man.

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Actually, I like to say I'm in the best of both worlds, man.

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But you're not in their world, you just get to visit.

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Yeah, and I feel like I have their abilities, too.

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Hold on, so that means you would just be Gryffindor?

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No, no, but I was chosen to be a Hufflepuff, I am a Hufflepuff.

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And I say that proudly.

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I'm proud that I'm a Hufflepuff and I'm proud.

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Come out, Brandon.

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Just do it.

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Yeah, I also came out as part Gryffindor, too, so I'm bi in the Harry Potter world.

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Well, these guys are going to make fun of you, but I'm proud.

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Yeah, because this is the world of Harry Potter.

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Yeah.

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Welcome to Clown College.

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We have profound knowledge.

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In many ways, the elevator makes you sound polished.

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So if you want to hear a little honest, a few takes on the ways to make it as a comic,

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then stick around for a while to fit down to Clown.

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We've got the guests right now just to show you how.

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Let's all go to Clown College, baby.

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It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.

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Let's all go to Clown College, baby.

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It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.

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The Michael Clayboy.

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If you want to get your washer or dryer fixed for a reasonable price, he'll come out and

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steal your money.

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He won't provide the service, and he's a bitch.

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But he is 27 years a grown man, and he will try to fight you when he's clearly in the

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wrong.

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So look, we were at work, and I was just like, last night when I get back from the show,

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I was just going to text, where's my money, bitch?

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Because I know it's done.

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I'm not going to get the money back.

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I don't care about it now.

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I just want to have fun with it.

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So I was going to do that, but then I was like, dude, we should prank call him because we're

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doing the pod tomorrow.

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And then we go start to look at it as like at work.

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We start looking them up, and we find out all this.

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On his Facebook, we find all this shit.

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And he has a lot of guns in his bitches.

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A lot of guns.

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To where I'm like, if he does come over here, he's probably intent to kill.

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So get the taser locked and loaded.

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I don't think it's going to stop that guy.

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No.

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But if you died in a gruesome, violent crime, think about the numbers we would do.

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Oh, dude.

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And it's in the where we shoot it at.

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Yeah.

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We would lose the studio.

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Yeah, this would become like a museum.

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Yeah.

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That's exactly what would happen.

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Everything would be preserved.

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This would be here.

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All the Coca-Cola's, what you're holding.

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Everything.

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The ashes.

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What you going to be talking about the ashes?

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I got coke.

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I got bootleg Ozempic, anybody need it out there?

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Oh my gosh, man.

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I remember one lady, her genitals burn up from some bad Ozempic or something.

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Wretched tide or something like that.

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Wretched tide.

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And shit bodybuilders use.

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And clearly they have the physique of a bodybuilder.

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And the only way you can get it is you have to say it's for study purposes.

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What?

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Yeah.

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Like you're in a clinical study?

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Yeah.

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But you're like, I guess this means I'm administrating.

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I'm buying it like I'm administrating into a study.

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Like you're running this thing.

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Yeah, they're like, are you a teacher or are you a professor?

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You're a scientist, what are you?

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And I always pick, I always pick scientists.

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What are we doing?

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You don't have to show any credentials?

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None.

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They're literal research chemicals.

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Yeah, as research chemicals.

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But they were.

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They did make me almost throw up yesterday.

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Damn.

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Wow.

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I mean, dude, I give you full permission to like if the FDA, an agent comes and has checks

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on you and is like, hey man, are you really doing it?

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Just stab Brandon in the fucking head.

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Tell you what to do is just jab Brandon with it.

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Damn.

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Set off the hook.

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That would be crazy.

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Dude, what if you just got jacked, bro?

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I'm good, I'm good.

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Just randomly.

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That'd be awesome.

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Yeah, that would, but I know there's like a cost.

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To what?

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Cost to get like.

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The lifting weights?

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No, not that.

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We could do that.

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But I'm talking about like the cost when you do the, cause like what is Ozempic like the

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what the.

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No, you don't need, he's saying get jacked.

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Oh.

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You don't use Ozempic to get.

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You got like, you could be like Mark Henry big.

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Oh, now I'm good.

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I mean, I respect it.

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I think it's awesome.

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Mark Henry, the world's strongest man.

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Strongest.

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They called him the sexy chocolate.

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You know, all that stuff.

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He banged the old lady, wasn't it?

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Yeah, Mae Young.

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Mae Young.

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Banged her good.

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Had sex with her?

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Yes, he did.

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I love the Mae Young.

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Why?

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You don't remember, you never saw this clip?

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Man.

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Is it on Pornhub?

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Cause we can no longer actually see it.

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It actually is.

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It actually is.

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Okay.

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Yeah, it is.

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Yeah, dude, no.

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Like so it's like to the side.

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Kinda like this?

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Other way.

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Keep this up.

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Yeah, this is good.

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Cause I hear it.

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Alright.

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I just can't see your beautiful face, Brandon.

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Oh, wow.

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There you go.

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Look at this.

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Oh my god.

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Look at this.

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Hold on, here's that picture.

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No, when they're in the bed.

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Go to video.

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Oh, you wanna see the bed?

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They get in the bed?

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They're banging, dude.

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Had to have been a California king, dude.

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Oh, I mean, it can't be anything else.

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Alright, hold up.

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Why is WWE always got some weird sexual shit in there?

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Where it going, picture?

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Right here.

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Yeah, there it goes.

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Can you see that?

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You can't see it.

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That's them in the bed.

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Yeah.

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I mean, I'll take your word for it.

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This is gonna be like a horror reveal.

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Oh yeah, let them see that.

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Oh my god.

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Why, man?

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She passed away, didn't she?

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Yeah, 2018, I believe.

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Dude, she was like 90 there.

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She lasted until 2018.

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I do remember when Bubba Ray Dudley powered on her through a table while she was already

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super elderly.

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Now, I like that.

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This, get this out of here.

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Oh, 2014, my bad, four years off.

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Did you see the documentary when he was like, May Young was like, it's slamming through

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the table.

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He was like, I don't want to hurt you.

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And she was like, no, you're going to slam me through this table.

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She had to be at least 80 something.

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That's pretty sick, dude.

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Yeah, she died at 90.

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She was in her 80s.

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See?

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90 getting thrown the fuck around.

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See, if you get like, this just goes to show you can live for a long time if you're a wrestler

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if you're not coked up and on steroids.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I mean, maybe-

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You can do one or the other.

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You can't do both together.

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That's where they mess up.

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Yeah.

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Can't do both together.

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No.

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Because I mean, she looks like she got wild back in the day.

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But women were never jacked really before now.

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Yeah.

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I'm throwing something now.

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Oh yeah.

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Yeah, I have a few theories myself.

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What are you thinking?

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Are you thinking they're doing testosterone or are you thinking they're doing like the

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trend and all that like a D-ball without the testosterone?

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I think they got like girly designer steroids.

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They don't.

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They got like, it's called something cute, you know, you order it and it comes in like

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a bag.

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It's just something weird, bro.

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It's just D-ball.

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D-ball.

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But it's cute though.

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It's got like Hello Kitty on it, you know.

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Powerpuff Girls.

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Could be.

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Yeah.

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I respect that.

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I respect that.

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Which Powerpuff Girl are you?

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Man, I don't.

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Brandon, you're Bubbles, man.

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I haven't really watched Powerpuff Girls.

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He's Bubbles.

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Are you Bubbles or Violet?

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I don't know the characters.

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I've seen a picture of him.

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Okay, would you rather be Bubbles, Violet, what's the other one?

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Buttercup.

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I guess I'll just pick the green one.

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That's the mean one.

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What's the name?

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I don't know her name.

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Bubbles.

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Violet or Buttercup.

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Is it Violet?

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I don't know.

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Maybe I just made that up.

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I mean, I guess I'll pick Bubbles.

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I have no Buttercup and Bubbles.

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I imagine the other one starts with a B as well.

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I do Bubbles, you know.

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We all make Bubbles.

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Yeah.

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Bubbles.

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You would be Bubbles.

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Yeah, I'd be Bubbles.

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Because you're a Hufflepuff and all that shit, dude.

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That's your vibe.

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You are a Hufflepuff.

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Yes, I am a Hufflepuff.

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A Hufflepuff that hangs with Gryffindors.

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Oh, yeah.

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Yeah.

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That's who you are.

271
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,000
That's who you are.

272
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,000
That's who you are.

273
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,000
That's who you are.

274
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,000
That's who you are.

275
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,000
That's who you can hang out with.

276
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,000
Yeah, I still hang out with Gryffindors, man.

277
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,000
You got love for them?

278
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,000
Hell yeah, man.

279
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:40,640
Actually, I like to say I'm in the best of both worlds, man.

280
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:41,760
But you're not in their world.

281
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:42,760
You just get to visit.

282
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:46,600
Yeah, and I feel like I have their abilities, too.

283
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:47,600
Hold on.

284
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,200
So that means you would just be Gryffindors?

285
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,200
No, no.

286
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,560
But I'm also... So I was chosen to be a Hufflepuff.

287
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,560
I am a Hufflepuff.

288
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:56,560
And I say that proudly.

289
00:09:56,560 --> 00:10:00,000
I'm proud that I'm a Hufflepuff and I'm proud.

290
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,000
Come out, Brandon.

291
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,000
Just do it.

292
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:07,760
Yeah, I've also came out as part Gryffindor, too, so I'm bi in the Harry Potter world.

293
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:12,000
Well, these guys are going to make fun of you, but I'm proud, man.

294
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,000
I'm proud of you.

295
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,000
Yeah, man, because you're the world of Harry Potter.

296
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,000
Come on, man.

297
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,000
Yeah.

298
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,000
You can do whatever you want in that world.

299
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,000
Yes, you can.

300
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,000
Yeah.

301
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,000
Gryffindor.

302
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,000
If you want to be bi, you be bi.

303
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,000
Yes, I am.

304
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,000
Gryffindor and Hufflepuff.

305
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,560
You do something gay, go back in time, it never happens.

306
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:30,560
It doesn't.

307
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,560
Magic.

308
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:32,560
And they can do that in Hufflepuff.

309
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:33,560
Which one?

310
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:34,560
Gryffindor or Hufflepuff?

311
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:35,560
All of them.

312
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:36,560
All of them can do that.

313
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,880
Get the time turner, give it a few spins, dude.

314
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:43,040
You never even sucked that dick, man.

315
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,880
They don't do that in the Harry Potter world.

316
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,800
Well, I don't know which ones you wouldn't want to do.

317
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,080
They don't be doing the sex in the Harry Potter world?

318
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,080
I thought that's what you... Why are you talking?

319
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,080
Well, how do you think they're there?

320
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,080
I don't know.

321
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:53,080
I'm trying to... I don't know.

322
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:56,080
You know what?

323
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,320
Fuck it, they do do that stuff.

324
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:00,320
I guess they do.

325
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,320
That's okay.

326
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:02,320
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

327
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,320
No, you didn't, man.

328
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,320
Dude, they do it.

329
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:07,560
You think it was this... You thought, how did you think they got there?

330
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:08,560
I don't know.

331
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:09,560
I had the babies and stuff.

332
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,720
Brandon, I think sex kind of exists in every universe.

333
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:13,720
You know what?

334
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:14,720
Actually, you know what?

335
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,720
I agree.

336
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:16,720
Yeah.

337
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:17,720
I agree.

338
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:18,720
That's a hot take.

339
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:19,720
I agree.

340
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:20,720
I agree.

341
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,640
Yeah, every movie you see, every cartoon.

342
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:24,640
That's weird.

343
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,640
Yeah.

344
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:26,640
Yeah, it's weird.

345
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,080
Where the fuck do you think Elmo came from?

346
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,080
Two Muppets.

347
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,080
Boom.

348
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,080
Which ones?

349
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,080
Which ones?

350
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,080
Which ones?

351
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,080
What's the one that looked like a rag?

352
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,080
What's his name?

353
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,080
Oscar the Grouch?

354
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:41,080
No, there's one that looks like a rag.

355
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,880
It's a dark purple kind of like violet.

356
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:45,880
Grover?

357
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:46,880
No, not Grover.

358
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:47,880
He's the one... He's kind of purple.

359
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,560
He's kind of red in a way.

360
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,520
Oh, man, I don't know his name.

361
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:53,520
Let me see.

362
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:54,520
Let's put purple rag.

363
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,800
Are you saying rag?

364
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,160
It looks like a rag.

365
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,040
When I was a kid and I took a bath, I would think about that Muppet because I was like,

366
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,600
dude, this thing looks just like it.

367
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,680
Are you talking about Tauley from South Park?

368
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:07,680
No.

369
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:08,680
Dude, that's the first thing that came to mind.

370
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:09,680
He just had a purple rag.

371
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:10,680
No.

372
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,680
Hold on.

373
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:12,680
Let me see.

374
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,320
Elmo, what was that movie?

375
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,520
When he got... Purple rag Elmo?

376
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:22,920
You remember the Elmo movie when he fell in the trash can, is in the trash world?

377
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:23,920
Yeah.

378
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:24,920
I do remember that.

379
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:25,920
Yeah.

380
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:26,920
You remember that?

381
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:27,920
That's where he was on.

382
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:28,920
It was like an early MCU.

383
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:29,920
You ever watch that?

384
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:30,920
What?

385
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:31,920
Oh, wait, man.

386
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:32,920
Dude, that came out 2001.

387
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:33,920
I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

388
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:34,920
We should watch it.

389
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:35,920
No.

390
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:36,920
Yes.

391
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,360
That would be least on the list of things to watch.

392
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,120
It's like if Sesame Street got gritty.

393
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,120
It's really good.

394
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,440
Not really.

395
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,280
I think you made this character up.

396
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:50,280
Yeah.

397
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:51,280
No, no.

398
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,280
Hold on.

399
00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:53,280
Brandon, I'm almost positive.

400
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,240
I think this was something that you needed to protect.

401
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,240
Yeah.

402
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:57,240
Let's see.

403
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,240
Elmo characters.

404
00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,240
From some other things.

405
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:00,240
Elmo universe.

406
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:01,240
I was a kid.

407
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,240
I used to whoop his ass so bad all the time.

408
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,240
Yeah.

409
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:09,360
The purple blanket of chastity from Sesame Street that protects you from all the evil

410
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,360
family members that you have.

411
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,360
Oh, my God.

412
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,360
Hold on.

413
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,760
He's one of these characters.

414
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:18,760
Brandon, it's okay.

415
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:23,360
I mean, sometimes you just- Brandon, I think we're going to have to call it on this one.

416
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,360
Yeah.

417
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:25,360
That's crazy, man.

418
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,360
It is.

419
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,360
Dude, because he's- You don't think you just had a purple-

420
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:32,280
No, I swear on- I guess-

421
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:33,280
On Dom's life?

422
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,280
Dom's life?

423
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,280
Would you put it on his life?

424
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,280
I mean, yeah.

425
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,280
You know what?

426
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,280
I will because guess what?

427
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,280
What the fuck?

428
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,280
Because guess what?

429
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,280
It's real.

430
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:42,280
It's real.

431
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,280
I promise you.

432
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,280
Dude, I'm telling you, this thing is real.

433
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,000
But why did you say yes right off the bat?

434
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,160
Because you're not going to die because it's real.

435
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,160
This is real.

436
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,160
I promise you it's real.

437
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,000
We did all this research.

438
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,760
Haven't seen anything about a purple rug.

439
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:55,760
Guess what?

440
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:56,760
Yes, we did.

441
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:57,760
There he is right there.

442
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:58,760
That one.

443
00:13:58,760 --> 00:13:59,760
That's who I'm talking about.

444
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,800
That's that purple Knorr rug.

445
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,680
But it looks like a rug when he walks around.

446
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:04,680
It's that purple.

447
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:07,000
Look, you see the folds?

448
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,000
That one's scary looking.

449
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,000
Yes.

450
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:14,440
And it's like a wet rag when you shower or bathe.

451
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:19,280
I remember being a kid and getting bathed and being like, this is exactly what the hell

452
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,160
looks like.

453
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,200
It's not purple though.

454
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,200
Or red.

455
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,200
It's not.

456
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,040
He kind of just made out of the same material as others.

457
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,920
It's a mixture of both kind of.

458
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,600
With his blue eyes.

459
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,600
Those are not blue.

460
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:33,600
No, I'm talking about the eyelids.

461
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,600
Am I fucking crazy?

462
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,600
The eyelids.

463
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:36,600
Look, the eyelids are blue.

464
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,600
What the fuck?

465
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,920
Brandon, go to... Just go to images of Gina.

466
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,680
That's who he's talking about.

467
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:43,680
Gina.

468
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,040
Okay, Gina.

469
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,040
This is a female.

470
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,040
It's already on there.

471
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,040
You just got to press images.

472
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,640
All right, hold on.

473
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:50,640
I mean, he has to be.

474
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:51,640
What is that?

475
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,640
Oh, I'm already here.

476
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:53,640
Okay.

477
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:54,640
So Gina images.

478
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:55,640
Oh, that's purple.

479
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:56,640
Oh, fuck.

480
00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:00,000
Well, okay, but just go to that one.

481
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,480
That's a red puppet.

482
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,480
Hold on.

483
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:03,480
Let me click on this one.

484
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,480
Look at this.

485
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,480
You see that one?

486
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:06,480
It's still red.

487
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,480
Still red.

488
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,480
Maroon.

489
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,480
There we go.

490
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:10,480
It's red.

491
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:11,480
Like Crimson Tide.

492
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:12,480
That would be Crimson.

493
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:13,480
Crimson.

494
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,480
F.

495
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,480
It's a list.

496
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:16,480
Don't attack me.

497
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,480
Well, thank God I'm not dying because clearly this is a purple rag.

498
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,480
Yes.

499
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:21,480
Thank you, man.

500
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,720
See, I knew he was real.

501
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,600
Somebody would have blew my fucking head off.

502
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,600
But guess what?

503
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:26,600
I know it is.

504
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,400
That dude that fucking with the dryer shit.

505
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,400
It's a micro mic.

506
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,200
He might come in here with a Tommy gun because you put this shit on my life.

507
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,200
It's not purple, man.

508
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,200
I'm dead now.

509
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,200
No, man.

510
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,200
Dude, he look like a rag though.

511
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,200
Doesn't it?

512
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,200
I mean, I don't even...

513
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,200
It looks like a rag.

514
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,480
That means every puppet looks like a rag besides Big Bird.

515
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:43,480
Yeah, man.

516
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:44,480
Elmo a little bit, man.

517
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:45,480
A little bit, man.

518
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:46,480
Me and Nathan, you guys remember Nathan, man?

519
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:47,480
We used to whoop Elmo's ass every week, man.

520
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:48,480
Are you talking about that guy we just met?

521
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,480
Yeah, that dude.

522
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:50,480
Do we remember him from last week?

523
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:51,480
Yes, man.

524
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:52,480
Dude, after school, every time we come home, we just wrestle this Elmo, man.

525
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:53,480
He'd get on the mattress and just do F1.

526
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:54,480
What are those things called?

527
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,480
F5s and RKLs.

528
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:56,480
It was a good time.

529
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:57,480
Then my mom would get mad.

530
00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:58,480
I was like, what the fuck?

531
00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,480
I'm not gonna do that.

532
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:00,480
I'm not gonna do that.

533
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,480
I'm not gonna do that.

534
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:09,520
I'm not gonna do that.

535
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:16,520
I'm not gonna do that.

536
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:33,040
I'm not gonna do that.

537
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:47,600
I'm not gonna do that.

538
00:16:47,600 --> 00:17:07,080
I'm not gonna do that.

539
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:18,440
I'm not gonna do that.

540
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:30,040
I'm not gonna do that.

541
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:37,800
I'm not gonna do that.

542
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:45,600
I'm not gonna do that.

543
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:53,400
I'm not gonna do that.

544
00:17:53,400 --> 00:18:01,400
I'm not gonna do that.

545
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:06,120
I'm not gonna do that.

546
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,600
Yeah, it's like these.

547
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,680
Oh my gosh.

548
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:10,520
Yes.

549
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:11,840
All right, well click on one then.

550
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:12,680
Okay.

551
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:13,500
Oh my gosh.

552
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:14,340
Here go this one.

553
00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:16,280
And it was like, they called it the stroger,

554
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,760
something like that, right?

555
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,760
How much do these cost?

556
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,880
I think it was around 20 or 24,

557
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,440
because when I looked at it, I was like, okay, I don't know.

558
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,120
Around about 24 with tax?

559
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,160
Yeah, that's just me guessing,

560
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,880
because that's how much the football one cost,

561
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,080
but you know, inflation could have popped up on it.

562
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,680
It's called the oceanic ecstasy.

563
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:36,520
Uh-huh.

564
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:37,340
Yeah.

565
00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:39,120
It's like having sex with the spirit of the ocean.

566
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:40,400
Ooh, they have to look at that.

567
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,240
Let me tell you, if you're a young man,

568
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,160
and you go to Spencer's Gifts, and you buy one of these,

569
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,160
you are gay.

570
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,520
If you want to have sex with something

571
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,040
that feels like the spirit of the ocean, you like men.

572
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,520
Oh, they like sea creatures.

573
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:54,720
Dolphins.

574
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,000
Yeah, dolphins and dolphins.

575
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,520
And dolphins will do it back to you.

576
00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,760
Yep, they will bang you.

577
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:00,600
I'm not saying I support it.

578
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,440
You can't be supporting this stuff.

579
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,400
Dude, you can do- That one's called the predator.

580
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,840
Because dolphins are, well-

581
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:07,680
Dolphins were raping, man.

582
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,440
That is, I didn't see that.

583
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,280
Yeah.

584
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,120
And it's called a predator.

585
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:11,960
Let's get off of that.

586
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,560
It's called a predator creature stroker.

587
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:14,760
Yeah, you're on your own with that one.

588
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,000
Nah, man, fuck that one.

589
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:16,840
Oh!

590
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:17,680
Oh, that's the, oh!

591
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:18,520
Oh my God.

592
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:22,400
Jesus, you got me into some fucked up shit.

593
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:23,920
Yeah, that was crazy when I looked at it.

594
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:24,760
I was like, that's wild as hell, man.

595
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:25,840
The alien visitor.

596
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:26,680
I know.

597
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,680
Can you read some of the description?

598
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,760
Look at this, it says you got sci-fi fantasy,

599
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,760
soft and squishy, textured inner tunnel,

600
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:38,080
intense suction, phylatetate free,

601
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,960
whatever the fuck that means,

602
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,520
freemium silicone, and this is called creature cocks.

603
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,280
That's weird as hell.

604
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:49,120
Sponsor us, please!

605
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:49,960
What the fuck?

606
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:50,800
Sponsor us!

607
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,800
You know what's even, look at this!

608
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:53,640
What the fuck?

609
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,080
And it got eyes on the side.

610
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:55,920
You get it.

611
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,720
That's from an anime, I don't remember.

612
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,040
Oh my God.

613
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,600
Go that, what's the picture right below it?

614
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,120
Look at that one, you can play with his.

615
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,080
It's a boar's head.

616
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,320
Yeah, this is too much.

617
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:09,680
They're going too far.

618
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,400
They're polluting the mind of our young.

619
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,320
That's what I'm about to say.

620
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,480
This is why everybody's so fucked up, dude.

621
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,320
Damn.

622
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,160
You can't fuck this.

623
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,280
Because you're fucking a boar's head.

624
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,320
Yeah.

625
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,480
On some border of the fly shit, dude.

626
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,280
I mean, this is, I can't believe this is real,

627
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,000
and I can't believe you bought one.

628
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,120
No, I didn't buy one.

629
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,720
It was $24, it was Christmas time.

630
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,800
No, man, this is not part of the holiday season.

631
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,840
Go down to the left second row from the bottom.

632
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,120
All the way to the left.

633
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,600
Now those are the creature cocks for real.

634
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:45,200
Oh, that's the Fulu actually.

635
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,760
Oh, that's actually some kind of religious thing.

636
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:48,880
Grinder.

637
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,240
Okay, so it's a grind thing.

638
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,080
It's a pussy grinder?

639
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,920
Yeah, it's a pussy grinder.

640
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,160
What do they use these for?

641
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,360
Oh, it's a go back and forth and rock with, like a horse.

642
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,640
Guys, we gotta talk about something else, man.

643
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,000
We cannot be supporting this.

644
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:01,960
This is disturbing.

645
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,360
What the fuck, a zebra?

646
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:04,520
Yeah, we gotta change this.

647
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,400
This ain't right.

648
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,120
This is wrong.

649
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,240
No, click on that website.

650
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:10,720
Does that say bizarre beast?

651
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,480
It's a zebra pussy, Alex.

652
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,320
An asshole.

653
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,040
Oh, it's a combo.

654
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,280
If you wanna know about the asshole.

655
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,400
It's a combo pack.

656
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:19,240
What the, look at me.

657
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,080
Oh, no, hold on, hold on.

658
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,880
Well, that's a better image to use in an actual zebra.

659
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,440
Hold on, I gotta go back a little bit.

660
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,800
These are horrendous.

661
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:29,640
This is the worst.

662
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:30,760
I can't believe this is a thing.

663
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,360
What the hell?

664
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,200
I can't believe what's going on right now

665
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,440
and this actually exists.

666
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,520
Madagascar 2 going crazy, man.

667
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:39,560
I like to move it.

668
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,480
Yeah, you like to move, man.

669
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,680
Let's move out of this, I'll tell you that.

670
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,520
Do you ever get your nails done?

671
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:46,360
No.

672
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:48,080
Like your feet pedicure, manicure, nail line?

673
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,160
No, man, never.

674
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,000
You don't believe in it?

675
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,360
I don't like painted fingernails specifically,

676
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,480
and toenails too, on men or women.

677
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,320
Really?

678
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,440
If you get the clear coat or French tip, you know,

679
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,280
that's fine, but if you get the paint,

680
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,000
you get the paint that starts chipping

681
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,640
or you get the acrylics and I can see your fucking

682
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,600
nail beds growing out under it,

683
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,640
fuck that and fuck you, bro.

684
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:10,960
I don't like that.

685
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,400
I really don't.

686
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,520
I don't think I know how to feel about it.

687
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,080
Like I got a pedicure once

688
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,960
because I wanted my ingrown toenail out.

689
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:18,800
I figured they would do it.

690
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,160
They told me they can't do it.

691
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,400
And then it just hurt worse after I got it.

692
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,800
They probably didn't have the heavy duty equipment

693
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:25,640
to get rid of it.

694
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,320
They didn't have the toenail.

695
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,560
They had a toenail.

696
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,520
And it's all about, it's the steak knife.

697
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,960
It's better than any tool they have in anything.

698
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,280
It's the steak knife.

699
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,120
Would you-

700
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,920
Because you can cut, you can saw and pick.

701
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,640
So you need a serrated blade.

702
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:40,480
You do.

703
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,720
You do, absolutely.

704
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:42,720
But they don't have that there.

705
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:47,480
Well, let's see what Mike GBT has to say about men

706
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,720
at the, you know, taking care of themselves pretty much.

707
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,360
I need to know.

708
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,760
Niggas getting fucking metrosexual and shit,

709
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,160
getting their toenails cut.

710
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,200
Niggas on the edge of the bed with their feet

711
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,920
in the air with their toes out, cutting their nails on them.

712
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,000
What kind of shit in front of niggas at the park?

713
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,240
They're cutting their toenails.

714
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:06,800
They got lotion on their feet.

715
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,280
What kind of shit is that?

716
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,560
Niggas putting lotion on his feet in front of you

717
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,120
and his kneecaps and cutting his toenails.

718
00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:14,560
Ask what you finna get him to.

719
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,000
You better go on fight that nigga right there.

720
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,160
That nigga trying to hit you.

721
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,520
For real, he could be trying to hit you.

722
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,560
He's cutting his toenails in front of you.

723
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:21,760
I try to keep from laughing at it

724
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,280
because the shit is serious.

725
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,520
It's serious if a nigga is really going through life

726
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,560
and cutting toenails in front of his homeboys.

727
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,400
His homeboys sitting there watching

728
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,080
like I can't believe this shit.

729
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,000
I just cut mine last night in front of my daddy.

730
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,640
He cutting the dog's toenails.

731
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,360
Meanwhile, the other dogs out in the garage

732
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:38,800
hunting this shit too.

733
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,120
Two million dollars in the garage.

734
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,440
He got two million dollars with him big yellow.

735
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,040
They're hunting the hell out of each other.

736
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,920
The fuck they're in heat with each other.

737
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,040
The fuck need to get them dogs a stud.

738
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:48,880
No, I know you don't.

739
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,200
Go get a stud finder.

740
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,520
Search through the wall.

741
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:52,520
I got a question.

742
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:53,920
I got a question that's hit me.

743
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,040
Come over here and say it in the mic.

744
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,480
Yeah, come over here.

745
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,160
Howdy ever, howdy gang.

746
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,200
All right, so this question was posed

747
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,080
over Christmas dinner recently.

748
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:10,080
How many sheets of toilet paper do you all use per wipe?

749
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,320
Like per wiping session.

750
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,080
Okay. And go.

751
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:15,200
Great question.

752
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:16,360
Great question.

753
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:18,040
This is what we need to be talking about.

754
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,720
So we probably have to get like a calculation

755
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,080
because I'm sure everybody here

756
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:23,960
just rolls over the hand, right?

757
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:26,880
Well, I'll wait to share my thoughts.

758
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:27,720
Okay, okay.

759
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:32,320
So I'm not gonna roll over the hand and keep it rolled up,

760
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:33,320
but I roll over.

761
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:38,320
So I'll say at least 10 sheets on each wipe, right?

762
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:46,040
And I'm wiping minimum of about nine times.

763
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,480
Me too.

764
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,680
So that's 90.

765
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:55,680
And we'll just use the average and then say it's 90 squares.

766
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:56,960
90 squares.

767
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,080
Two ply, three?

768
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,680
Only Charmin do the heavy stuff.

769
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,000
We don't do it, yeah.

770
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,880
I hate, you don't, hey, don't cheap on fucking toilet paper.

771
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:06,720
Yeah, don't do that.

772
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:07,560
You piece of shit.

773
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:08,400
That's the worst.

774
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,880
If you cheap on, if you,

775
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,800
unless you're draining, just can't handle it,

776
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,600
get fucking Charmin or get some kind of equivalent

777
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,640
or the Costco or the Sam's Club brand,

778
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,240
anything like that that has fucking plys to it.

779
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,160
You piece of shit.

780
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:22,000
I agree.

781
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,760
I was at an establishment recently

782
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,000
and there was just a bounty paper towel roll.

783
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,040
Oh my God.

784
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,320
Sitting on the back of the tank.

785
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:32,880
That'll clean you though.

786
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,400
You probably need less of those.

787
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:35,680
Yeah. Less than 90.

788
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,920
Your asshole comes off with it, but I mean, you know.

789
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,320
What you guys got?

790
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,640
I don't use toilet paper, man.

791
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,000
I'm a baby wipe guy.

792
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,800
Oh, okay, thank goodness.

793
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,120
JJ for a second, there's like no way he's by the towel.

794
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,760
No, no, I don't have a bidet.

795
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:53,760
I've never tried one.

796
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:54,600
I'm not opposed to it.

797
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,440
You do a little gargoyling?

798
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,960
Dude, I got you.

799
00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,880
You would have to adjust the settings

800
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:02,520
and that would be some unfortunate trial and error.

801
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:03,520
But.

802
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:04,520
It would get everywhere.

803
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,560
No, I'm not gargoyling while I'm wiping.

804
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,320
Let's not get crazy here, dude.

805
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:09,880
That would be the best way to wipe.

806
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,560
So you sit back down to wipe.

807
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,160
Well, now this is sitting versus standing wiping.

808
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,160
That's its whole, that's a whole other conversation.

809
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,000
That's a different thing, okay.

810
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,640
So, okay, so you don't, so you never use toilet paper.

811
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:25,680
If I'm like, I would say 90% of the time I take a shit,

812
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:26,880
it's at my house.

813
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,280
And I always have baby wipes stocked up.

814
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,880
The 10% of the time while I'm not at my house,

815
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:38,000
I use the toilet paper and I'll go, I have a system.

816
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,640
I go three squares, but fold it in half,

817
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,480
fold it in half again.

818
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:43,400
No way.

819
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,880
That creates the bed, that's optimal.

820
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,360
From my asshole.

821
00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:48,200
Yeah, but you.

822
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:49,040
That's what my mom does.

823
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:50,840
Okay, but look, what about the spill,

824
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,400
for the first wipe when there's spillage around the.

825
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:54,400
I don't have that problem.

826
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,440
My stool is pretty solid, man.

827
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,440
Not like hard, but it stays together.

828
00:26:58,440 --> 00:26:59,280
Well, I did that.

829
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:00,120
Yeah.

830
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:03,400
No, I get my fiber and my protein in, it's pretty.

831
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,360
But how many times are you doing that?

832
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,520
Now here's where everything's gonna fall apart with this.

833
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,960
The reason, everybody that knows me well

834
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,160
and is hung out with me knows that if I take shit,

835
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,240
it is 30 minutes minimum I'm in the bathroom.

836
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,080
I respect that.

837
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,680
I've never seen nothing lower than 45.

838
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:27,520
And it's because most of that time is spent wiping.

839
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:31,680
Because I have a thing, I have to get it out, dude.

840
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,200
I can't have a dirty asshole, man.

841
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,720
I feel like that's morally wrong and reprehensible.

842
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:37,560
Yeah.

843
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,200
So, I mean, if we're using baby wipes,

844
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:47,200
I'll go, the way I position it on my hand

845
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:51,240
is I'll be more dominant on one side.

846
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,720
Then move it to the middle, in the middle,

847
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,800
move it again to the left, then on the other side,

848
00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:01,800
fold it in half, and then one with just the half.

849
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:02,680
Throw it away.

850
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:07,680
And I probably do that 25 times.

851
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:12,680
So 25 baby wipes, but 75 wiping motions

852
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:16,240
because of the three per, or four, I saw 100 times.

853
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:21,240
You do 25 fucking baby wipes in one setting in the bathroom?

854
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,800
Dude, you could eat soup out of my asshole, man.

855
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,480
It's clean, bro.

856
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:29,560
It's clean.

857
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,600
25 baby wipes in one setting.

858
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,480
Your sewage is fucked up.

859
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,120
Oh, I don't throw, I don't flush them.

860
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:40,960
What do you do?

861
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,440
I keep them in a jar.

862
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:45,720
No, but I throw them in the trash,

863
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,440
and then I just bag up the trash can like three times,

864
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,040
and I take it outside.

865
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,640
I don't keep it in my house like a weirdo.

866
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:55,400
All right.

867
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,720
So you're, okay, hold on.

868
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:02,000
So you're, right after you shit,

869
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,320
you take the bag out that you just had

870
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:05,560
all your shit papers in?

871
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:06,400
Yeah.

872
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:07,220
So right after.

873
00:29:07,220 --> 00:29:08,060
I don't let it sit.

874
00:29:08,060 --> 00:29:08,900
You don't let it sit?

875
00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:09,720
You don't let it sit?

876
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:10,560
No, bro.

877
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:11,400
Okay.

878
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:12,220
No.

879
00:29:12,220 --> 00:29:13,560
And do you immediately take it out?

880
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:14,400
Yeah.

881
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:15,220
Yeah.

882
00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:17,440
I wash my hands first, take it out,

883
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:18,800
come back in, wash my hands again.

884
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:19,640
Respect.

885
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:22,680
This is outrage.

886
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:23,520
It's a thorough process.

887
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:28,520
I mean, your shitting habits are mind-blowing.

888
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:29,520
Yeah.

889
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,600
I mean, it's a...

890
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,440
I mean, just in this life that we have on this earth,

891
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,880
you gotta find enjoyment in something.

892
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:38,780
This is my process, dude.

893
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:42,480
Brandon, how you feel about that?

894
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,120
Brandon, you remember at the Shenanigan show

895
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:47,360
when you smelled my feet, dude?

896
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:48,200
Yes.

897
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:49,840
You remember how they smelled?

898
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,560
It smelled very fresh, man.

899
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:52,400
I'm gonna be honest.

900
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:53,280
It was like some breeze.

901
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,280
I promise you my asshole's the same way.

902
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:57,080
All right.

903
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,160
We can, that'll be our video for this week.

904
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:00,400
I give you applause.

905
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:01,240
You wanna applause?

906
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:04,720
Well, you guys will check it out for the skit for the week.

907
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,760
There you go, that's your applause.

908
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,880
So if you take every comic in Huntsville

909
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,200
and COVID swabbed asshole,

910
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,600
mine's part per million least amount of fecal particles,

911
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:15,960
dude.

912
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:16,800
I promise you.

913
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,200
Mine probably has the most by...

914
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:20,520
And I don't doubt that at all, dude.

915
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:21,520
Yeah.

916
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,760
Except for maybe Pat.

917
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,040
There's no way Pat gets clean.

918
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:27,240
There's no way he can reach around there.

919
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:28,340
There's no way.

920
00:30:28,340 --> 00:30:29,180
No.

921
00:30:29,180 --> 00:30:30,120
Not a chance.

922
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:34,920
I've seen Pat taking a shit night against my will.

923
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:39,920
In a fully packed fucking bar with a...

924
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:45,400
It's only, it has two bathrooms, unisex bathrooms.

925
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,680
You got the gall to go in there

926
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,000
and just drop a deuce and not lock the door.

927
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,160
Was he, did he have his shirt off?

928
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:56,160
Might as well.

929
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,560
At this point where we're at,

930
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,360
what I've seen, what's etched into my brain,

931
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:04,840
probably pops up every once.

932
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:08,600
Once a day is the vision of Pat sitting on the toilet.

933
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,000
And it's exactly how you would expect it to look.

934
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:16,080
The shirt was like, he just had it up because, you know,

935
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:19,880
and then over the...

936
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,400
So he didn't have to cover up.

937
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:24,240
I'm sorry.

938
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:28,080
I'm sorry to cover it,

939
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:29,680
but he's a beautiful black man, ain't he?

940
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:30,920
Yes, he is.

941
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,280
All right, Brandon, how many times you write?

942
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,960
How much toilet paper do you use?

943
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,920
Hell yeah, I'm gonna tell you in one second,

944
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,600
I gotta see what the hell is going on right now.

945
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,320
Real quick, who the fuck keeps...

946
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,600
Hold on, let me see, what the fuck?

947
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,360
Is everything all right, Brandon?

948
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:53,680
What?

949
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:55,840
Oh shit.

950
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:57,120
What, you wanna show us something?

951
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:59,480
Not, no, no.

952
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:00,320
What's up?

953
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,560
What are you having there?

954
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:04,280
Oh shit.

955
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:05,400
Are you okay?

956
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,160
It's just some crazy shit just happened.

957
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,000
Cause she was like, we were watching some rats

958
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,080
and one of them was like sick and then they died.

959
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:12,920
Oh shit.

960
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:14,920
Rats?

961
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:15,760
Yeah.

962
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:16,600
Someone's pet.

963
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,000
Yeah.

964
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:18,840
Yes.

965
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:19,680
Damn.

966
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:22,160
She was watching.

967
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,280
Y'all watching me when I'm done on her watch.

968
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:27,120
Yeah, they died.

969
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:28,880
Does the other person know yet?

970
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:30,440
I don't know, I have to ask.

971
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,400
Cause they were sick and she was trying to feed them

972
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:33,640
and take care of them.

973
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:36,760
Did the person know they were sick?

974
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:37,600
Yes.

975
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,040
Hold up, she keeps...

976
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:40,880
You mind if I ask this?

977
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:41,720
Yeah, no.

978
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:42,720
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

979
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:43,680
We'll cut it out.

980
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:44,520
Hello?

981
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:45,760
Dude, it's so fucking crazy.

982
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,000
My brother has rats.

983
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,040
What happened?

984
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,360
She said they were old.

985
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:52,320
I definitely can't, we're shooting a...

986
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:53,960
Can we finish this real quick?

987
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:55,200
And I'll be down there?

988
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:56,040
Do they know?

989
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:57,840
And she said it was because they were old?

990
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,240
As soon as we finish, I'll go down there.

991
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:01,400
All right, I'm tired.

992
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:02,880
I'll talk to you later.

993
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,200
Love you, goodbye.

994
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,000
Damn it, man, I love that rat.

995
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:10,000
You did?

996
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,480
Dude, yes.

997
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:13,520
Cause dude, the other day I just met it

998
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,120
and he ran, like as soon as he saw me,

999
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:16,440
I have a weird connection to animals,

1000
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:20,720
he ran out and then jumped on me and I loved him.

1001
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,160
And then like when he got tired,

1002
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,640
he ran under my crotch and just like laid on me.

1003
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,960
He ran under my crotch and just like laid there

1004
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,320
and like went to bed.

1005
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,080
You can't do that, Brandon.

1006
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:33,920
You can't do that.

1007
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:35,880
See, now he's gone, man.

1008
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:36,720
You can't do that.

1009
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,520
That's what he would do every day.

1010
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:39,760
That's what he would do every day.

1011
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:43,880
See, okay, it wasn't normal the entire fucking time

1012
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,040
and then you said that.

1013
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,320
Brandon, I'm sorry for your loss,

1014
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:52,640
but that's the craziest fucking thing anybody has ever said.

1015
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:53,840
I'm gonna fucking love that rat.

1016
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,240
No, I'm sorry, I'm not making fun of you,

1017
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:57,080
but that's insane.

1018
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,560
You laid on my balls, man.

1019
00:33:58,560 --> 00:33:59,400
Oh, I'm sorry, Brandon, I'm sorry.

1020
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:00,840
I had pants on, man.

1021
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,200
No, I did not.

1022
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,840
Thank you, Richard Gear, the rat.

1023
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:06,640
I got pants on, rest in peace.

1024
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,040
Oh my gosh, that's horrible.

1025
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:09,600
What was the rat's name, man?

1026
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,240
It's the first, hold on.

1027
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,040
I just met these rats two days ago, man.

1028
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:16,720
Yeah, I know you cared about them a lot.

1029
00:34:16,720 --> 00:34:18,680
Dude, I got damn, I'm in so much shock,

1030
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,840
I forgot the names, I'll tell you guys later.

1031
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:21,680
Okay.

1032
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:22,520
When I find out.

1033
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:26,480
I knew someone, that's sad, that's sad.

1034
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,640
Who owns the rats?

1035
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,600
I was like one of her friends,

1036
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:31,600
but thankfully they knew,

1037
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,160
like they said it was because they were getting old,

1038
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:37,200
probably, and one of them had the flu and stuff, so.

1039
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,600
I didn't know they could get the flu.

1040
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:41,800
Oh yeah, yeah, we kept trying to have

1041
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:43,880
fetal medicine and everything.

1042
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:45,400
So horrible, man.

1043
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,080
You gave them like Theraflu?

1044
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,040
Yeah, like they had it all set up, thankfully.

1045
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,600
Not Theraflu, but like they had it.

1046
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:51,480
Like a real rat?

1047
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,480
Yeah, like real, yeah, like what they got

1048
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:58,040
from like a pharmacist's vet place, and they set it up.

1049
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:02,200
Okay.

1050
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,000
Yeah, cause they sell pet rats, dude.

1051
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:04,840
Yeah.

1052
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:06,720
I thought they just sold them for snakes.

1053
00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,480
Oh no, man, dude, they sell pet rats that have pet rats,

1054
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,520
man, like these rats were huge and glorious, man.

1055
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:13,640
And you know what sucks?

1056
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,200
I was just getting over my guinea pigs, Def,

1057
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,160
and then getting bonded with them.

1058
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:20,320
But so. Rodents, man.

1059
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,400
When you say rat, you mean like.

1060
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,760
Rat rat, like ratatouille rat.

1061
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,880
I was feeling this thing's tail.

1062
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:27,880
How, how. Naked.

1063
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,120
How big, can you get a frame of reference?

1064
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:31,560
It was like probably around this.

1065
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,960
Oh my, hold on, that was under your fucking balls?

1066
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,840
Yeah, it was on my balls too, I have a picture.

1067
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,080
I have a picture, we had good moments.

1068
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:39,680
That means that if it's that big.

1069
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,000
And then it crawled up, and then he would try to go in here

1070
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:42,840
and I was like, oh, okay.

1071
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,240
Brandon, that's a ferret.

1072
00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:46,160
No, it was a rat, no, because it's tail,

1073
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:47,400
I'm counting the tail too.

1074
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:48,240
Okay.

1075
00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:49,160
His tail was this long, he was about right here.

1076
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,080
Brandon, if the rat is that big,

1077
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,600
that means it's at least this tall,

1078
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:56,360
that means your general made contact with the rat,

1079
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:57,880
yes or no?

1080
00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:58,720
Yes or no?

1081
00:35:58,720 --> 00:35:59,920
I guess so.

1082
00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:01,400
I guess so. So you guess or.

1083
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:03,360
We're just gonna say, okay, yeah.

1084
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:04,800
But then again, it's because dude,

1085
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,480
it's like he was trying to sit, it was sitting on my lap.

1086
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:08,560
It was sitting on my lap.

1087
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,240
If that's the case, Christmas just came,

1088
00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:11,640
take Santa to fucking jail.

1089
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:15,120
No, no, yeah.

1090
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:15,960
You know what I mean?

1091
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:16,800
You know what I'm saying?

1092
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:17,640
Yeah, no, take him.

1093
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:18,480
I feel you.

1094
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:20,080
Man, if a rat can't sit on my lap,

1095
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:20,920
nobody can sit on anybody's lap.

1096
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:22,160
And there was two rats.

1097
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:23,000
Yes.

1098
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:23,820
And they both passed.

1099
00:36:23,820 --> 00:36:24,800
They were both sick.

1100
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:25,800
They both died?

1101
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:26,640
Yes.

1102
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:27,480
Oh man.

1103
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:28,320
Both?

1104
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:29,160
Yes.

1105
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:30,000
They're pack animals.

1106
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:30,840
Yeah, I guess.

1107
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:31,680
They're pack animals.

1108
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:32,520
Yeah.

1109
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,240
Well, let's say rest in peace,

1110
00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,920
wish we knew the name, but let's all have

1111
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,480
a moment of silence right now.

1112
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:43,600
Rest in peace.

1113
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:48,600
Anyways, probably about 12 toilet paper rolls.

1114
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:49,920
I forgot.

1115
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:50,760
It's probably.

1116
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:51,760
12 rolls?

1117
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:55,040
Or not, my bad, not rolls, probably 12 pieces.

1118
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:55,880
That's it?

1119
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,160
No, like I'll start off with 12 pieces each time.

1120
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:00,440
Like I'll get like 12 rolls.

1121
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:01,280
Yeah, but how many?

1122
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:02,280
No, you got, so I said.

1123
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:03,200
Okay.

1124
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:04,840
Like an estimate, because I keep going

1125
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,880
until there's like blood, because I'm like nervous

1126
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:08,880
and nature, I'm like, dude, there can't be nothing.

1127
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:09,960
I don't want nothing.

1128
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,320
So I like to keep going until we see a little bit of red.

1129
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:13,880
Yeah.

1130
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:14,720
Yeah.

1131
00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:15,560
How many do I?

1132
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:16,400
Because red means stop.

1133
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:17,480
Oh yeah, yeah.

1134
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,880
It was so bad that I think we got,

1135
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,240
what's that thing called that we share, Pat Don?

1136
00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:25,680
The thing that we had, what's that thing?

1137
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:26,520
Fissures.

1138
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:27,640
What's that thing called?

1139
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:28,480
Hemorrhoids.

1140
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:29,320
Hemorrhoids, yes.

1141
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,280
Yeah, I started getting stuff like that from that.

1142
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:32,120
Fissures.

1143
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,760
Yeah, and it's a, yeah, because you know,

1144
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:35,880
that and then when I was young,

1145
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:39,080
I was always doing the number two, one, two, and three,

1146
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,400
if you know what I mean.

1147
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:41,240
No.

1148
00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:42,080
Calm, shit, and piss?

1149
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:42,920
Yes, basically.

1150
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:43,760
What?

1151
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:48,520
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

1152
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,320
And then after that, you go shower.

1153
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:53,600
We in there for like two hours.

1154
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:55,840
Did you wipe front and back whenever you did that one?

1155
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:56,680
What?

1156
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:57,520
What?

1157
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:58,440
Wipe front and back?

1158
00:37:58,440 --> 00:37:59,280
What?

1159
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,640
What do you mean front and back?

1160
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:01,480
I wipe my ass all the time.

1161
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:03,240
I fucking hate anything about this episode.

1162
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:04,560
Bing dong hole too?

1163
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,040
You're so stupid.

1164
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,280
You're so crap.

1165
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,920
You know, I was, I'd like to take this time

1166
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:12,920
because I told her I would.

1167
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,520
My mom just found out about the podcast and she said,

1168
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,640
I'm watching the next episode that comes out.

1169
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:18,480
So.

1170
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:19,880
Are you serious?

1171
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:20,720
Damn.

1172
00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:21,560
Yeah.

1173
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:22,840
Hey, hello.

1174
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:24,960
Hey, Mama JJ.

1175
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,080
Hope you had a good Christmas.

1176
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:29,880
This made it better, man.

1177
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:31,640
100%.

1178
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:32,920
She won't get to this part.

1179
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:33,760
No.

1180
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:35,600
This is the way she gets to this part.

1181
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:38,000
She probably clocked out around creature cocks.

1182
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:40,800
We spent a long time on that too,

1183
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:42,280
but it was jarring.

1184
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,160
I mean, it was shock, you know, and then.

1185
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:46,480
We were against it.

1186
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:48,400
This has been an eventful episode.

1187
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:49,560
It has, man.

1188
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:50,880
It has.

1189
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:52,920
Dude, guess what happened earlier, man.

1190
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:56,000
I thought my mom gave me a necklace or,

1191
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,040
what is that thing called?

1192
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:57,880
A bracelet?

1193
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,360
A bracelet?

1194
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:00,200
Yes.

1195
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:01,040
Or a watch.

1196
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:01,880
It was a bracelet.

1197
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:03,560
She gave me a bracelet when I was like younger

1198
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,200
and I was wearing it the whole day.

1199
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:06,560
And then when I was in the bathroom,

1200
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,400
my right hand, I broke it

1201
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,440
and it fell off all over the floor and shit.

1202
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:11,600
And then when I started to reach out,

1203
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,400
I looked and I was like, man, I gotta search up what this is.

1204
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,680
It was a P. Diddy bracelet, man.

1205
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:18,080
This whole time I was rocking it,

1206
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,400
I just picked it all up and put it in the bag.

1207
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:21,760
It was his brand?

1208
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:23,160
Yeah, so I could try to re-fix it.

1209
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:24,360
It just broke so easily.

1210
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:25,200
Sean John?

1211
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:26,200
Yep.

1212
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:27,280
Right off my hand, man.

1213
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:28,360
It was fucked up.

1214
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:31,400
Sean John makes good products.

1215
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:32,680
Is that his real name?

1216
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:34,040
Yeah. Sean John.

1217
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:35,280
Sean Diddy Combs.

1218
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:37,680
Sean Combs.

1219
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:38,840
Where's the John come from?

1220
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:39,680
Sean.

1221
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,640
Yeah, because sometimes you have to dress it up.

1222
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,480
Make it fancy.

1223
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:44,320
Like Don Juan.

1224
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:45,320
But James Bond.

1225
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:46,240
Ron John.

1226
00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:47,440
I think that's just his name.

1227
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:48,280
James Bond.

1228
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:49,120
That's just his name.

1229
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:49,960
Yeah.

1230
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:53,160
Yeah, because they got famous because of him.

1231
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:54,000
Because of James Bond.

1232
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,120
The fictional character James Bond.

1233
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,240
Yeah, and then Sean Connery, of course.

1234
00:39:57,240 --> 00:39:58,080
Another Sean.

1235
00:39:58,080 --> 00:39:59,880
I like my skark shaking, my skirk.

1236
00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:01,160
Yes, yes.

1237
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:03,120
Sean Connery or Sean Combs?

1238
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:04,720
Talking about Sean Connery.

1239
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,160
You taking him over?

1240
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:08,920
Dude, they should make a James Bond

1241
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,320
where P. Diddy is the villain.

1242
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:16,000
With a Diddy raid, like James Bond goes in there.

1243
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:16,880
And you know, he like.

1244
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:19,160
Starts knocking out prostitutes.

1245
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:20,760
Just hitting children.

1246
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,720
He pushes over all the vials of baby oil

1247
00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:28,920
and like blocks the hallway.

1248
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,160
That would be a crazy fucking scene

1249
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,880
of James Bond fighting in baby oil.

1250
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:34,720
You know, the whole thing.

1251
00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:37,120
Like that's P. Diddy's tactic.

1252
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,000
I imagine it's like in.

1253
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:39,840
Yeah.

1254
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:41,960
It's like spray baby oil everywhere.

1255
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:42,800
And you slip and shit.

1256
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:43,640
That's his thing.

1257
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:44,480
He just pours it around him.

1258
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:45,320
Yeah.

1259
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,960
Dude, I imagine it'd be like a Mission Impossible.

1260
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,880
That one where Henry Cavill was in, the old Superman.

1261
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:51,720
Yeah, yeah.

1262
00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:52,560
And they're in that bathroom fighting

1263
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,080
but just baby oil everywhere.

1264
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,160
Just super well choreographed.

1265
00:40:58,160 --> 00:40:59,760
But just baby oil everywhere.

1266
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:00,680
Exactly.

1267
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:01,760
That would be tight.

1268
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:05,440
Strip clubs should start having Diddy parties

1269
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,160
where instead of like spaghetti wrestling,

1270
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:08,360
it's baby oil wrestling.

1271
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,360
He said, well, Alex just said

1272
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,680
the strip clubs should have Diddy parties.

1273
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:16,080
And I don't know if that's the direction they should go.

1274
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:17,560
They shouldn't agree more.

1275
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:19,600
They would have to work overtime.

1276
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:20,880
Yeah.

1277
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:22,440
There's no days off.

1278
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:23,280
No day off.

1279
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:24,120
That with Diddy.

1280
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,800
Well, do strippers get an hourly rate?

1281
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:27,640
Not doubt it.

1282
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:28,480
Like $2?

1283
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:29,320
They did.

1284
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:31,560
Like a dollar, right?

1285
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:32,400
Or something like that.

1286
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,000
Whatever the minimum tip server is.

1287
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,080
Yeah, that's like $2.54.

1288
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:36,920
Okay.

1289
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,160
I think in Alabama, which is crazy.

1290
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,720
But if they work overtime, they're getting like five bucks.

1291
00:41:41,720 --> 00:41:42,560
Yeah.

1292
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:44,560
Plus tips.

1293
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,600
Stop being so fucking ungrateful about shit.

1294
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:49,880
Unreal, man.

1295
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:51,720
What are you gonna do?

1296
00:41:51,720 --> 00:41:53,160
This world's a madhouse.

1297
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:56,360
You're making it matter.

1298
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,160
I mean, it's one of those episodes

1299
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:00,400
where I have to go back and listen

1300
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:02,960
and realize what just happened.

1301
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:04,200
It's crazy.

1302
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:05,360
A lot of things.

1303
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:06,200
A lot of things.

1304
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:07,840
Happen rapidly.

1305
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:08,680
Yeah.

1306
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:09,680
Life is wild as shit.

1307
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:14,000
I love how you finished off the wiping question after.

1308
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,880
No, you really brought it full circle.

1309
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:16,720
You did.

1310
00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:17,560
Thank you, man.

1311
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:18,400
I like that.

1312
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:19,240
Appreciate it.

1313
00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:22,000
Hey, people practice for years to get shit like that.

1314
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:24,920
And you just do it naturally.

1315
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:26,600
Yeah, man, I do shit a lot, man.

1316
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:28,720
I do shit a lot.

1317
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,280
I wasn't talking about the actual shit.

1318
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,360
Brandon also said earlier,

1319
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,840
when we were just talking out in the living room,

1320
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:40,840
that he has eight bowel movements a day sometimes.

1321
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:41,840
Sometimes.

1322
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:43,840
We're gonna work on that.

1323
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,120
Do you wipe till you bleed every time?

1324
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:47,960
Yes, since I was 12.

1325
00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:51,400
Strangely specific.

1326
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:52,600
Since I was 12 years old.

1327
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:55,640
So if you shit eight times in a day.

1328
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:56,600
Well, not every day.

1329
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:57,720
Sometimes it'll change.

1330
00:42:57,720 --> 00:43:00,680
But if it is an eight day,

1331
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,920
do you wipe until you bleed all eight times?

1332
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:06,040
Well, yeah, and then sometimes.

1333
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:07,600
It just gets easier?

1334
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,280
No, no, no, because sometimes I'll be like,

1335
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:11,120
okay, we're gonna keep going,

1336
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,920
and you keep going till you don't even see blood sometimes.

1337
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:16,120
A little bit.

1338
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:17,440
You just gotta keep going.

1339
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:18,280
Sometimes.

1340
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:21,600
But you know, if you wipe till you see blood,

1341
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,000
and then you shit again, it's gonna, you know.

1342
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:25,160
Yeah, that's why after that,

1343
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:26,520
you gotta keep going even like,

1344
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,200
keep going until it's gone.

1345
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:29,120
So you gotta go with,

1346
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,720
because you have blood and stool.

1347
00:43:31,720 --> 00:43:33,320
Yeah, so you just go on.

1348
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:35,920
And you just have to go until it's just blood.

1349
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:37,760
Or until a light track of blood.

1350
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:38,600
Like light.

1351
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:39,440
Light track of blood.

1352
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:40,640
Yeah, where you don't see really anything.

1353
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:41,480
Yeah.

1354
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:42,320
Yeah.

1355
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:43,160
So why y'all?

1356
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,400
So you got a hemorrhoid in your ass?

1357
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,240
I used to, it's gone now, thankfully.

1358
00:43:48,240 --> 00:43:49,080
But it comes back.

1359
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:49,920
It hibernates.

1360
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:50,760
It flares, yep.

1361
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:52,360
It'll come back one day.

1362
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,040
It's like frosty, the snowman.

1363
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:56,200
Oh yeah, man.

1364
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,120
Yeah, exactly like that.

1365
00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:00,040
You know, except less friendly.

1366
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:01,880
And more painful.

1367
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,040
Yeah.

1368
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:04,560
And more traumatizing.

1369
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:06,920
Yeah.

1370
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:08,840
So bad, man, I remember when I was a kid,

1371
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,120
I would freak out when I would look at the toilet

1372
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:12,760
and jump up and run out the bathroom

1373
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:14,920
and go grab my mom and ask for help.

1374
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:15,760
Because I thought.

1375
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,600
You had hemorrhoids back then?

1376
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:21,000
Yeah, when I was in like middle school, sometimes.

1377
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,320
And then I would run to her

1378
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,120
and be like, I need, hey, what's this?

1379
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,760
And I did this until I was like,

1380
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:26,760
junior in high school.

1381
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:28,880
You know, I freak out, man.

1382
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,800
You'd run and ask your mom to help?

1383
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:31,640
Hold on.

1384
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:33,480
Because I'd be like, yo, there's so much blood

1385
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,120
in this toilet, man, am I dying?

1386
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,160
You said junior in high school?

1387
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:38,000
But it just seemed.

1388
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:39,440
Oh, it was bad.

1389
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,000
It seems like.

1390
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:41,960
I didn't know what it was.

1391
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:43,240
I still didn't know.

1392
00:44:43,240 --> 00:44:45,640
But like, after the first time you do it

1393
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,560
and your mom explains to you what it is.

1394
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:51,240
And then for four years after that, you kept.

1395
00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:53,320
Yeah, but it was like, it got like,

1396
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,240
I'm because dude, let's say it gets where you look up.

1397
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:56,520
Oh my gosh, man.

1398
00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,280
It's like this Coca-Cola bottle.

1399
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:00,120
I'm scared.

1400
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,200
How would you describe the toilet water?

1401
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,560
Man, it looked like fucking, well, let's see.

1402
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:08,160
Like it was roll tide, but it was roll tide.

1403
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:09,000
Like the beaches of Norman.

1404
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:09,840
So it's maroon?

1405
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:10,680
Red.

1406
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:11,520
Well, not that, not dark.

1407
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:12,360
Is it dark or is it light?

1408
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:13,200
Not dark, not dark.

1409
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:14,480
Because I think that matters.

1410
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,080
Light, it's light, not dark.

1411
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:17,360
Is it just red?

1412
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:18,200
Yes.

1413
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:19,040
There's no brown.

1414
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:20,040
No dark.

1415
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:20,880
Well, no.

1416
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:21,720
You gotta have.

1417
00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:23,000
It depends on the day.

1418
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:24,120
It depends on the day.

1419
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:25,720
Brandon, if you were shitting pure blood.

1420
00:45:25,720 --> 00:45:28,360
Not pure blood, but it would be like.

1421
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:29,200
Well, you know.

1422
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:30,560
Yeah, like a.

1423
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:32,080
No, it's pure blood at that point.

1424
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:32,920
Yeah, thankfully it doesn't happen.

1425
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,000
It's blood dripping down from the hemorrhoid, dude.

1426
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,520
It doesn't happen that much.

1427
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:37,680
It doesn't happen that much.

1428
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:39,000
Do you ever poke it in like that?

1429
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:39,840
No, no.

1430
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:40,680
You don't ever?

1431
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:42,120
No, man, I don't wanna do that.

1432
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:42,960
So look.

1433
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:43,800
It's horrible.

1434
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:45,600
I'm gonna tell all you kids out there.

1435
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:46,880
Now, there's different things.

1436
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:48,960
If you got a boil, now he's talking about the hemorrhoids.

1437
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:50,000
Ooh, those are worse.

1438
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,240
Yeah, you got those too?

1439
00:45:52,240 --> 00:45:53,800
How old are you?

1440
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:55,520
Man, dude, I don't even, man.

1441
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:57,040
They say 21, man.

1442
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:57,880
You never know.

1443
00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:58,720
That's what they say.

1444
00:45:58,720 --> 00:45:59,560
Yeah.

1445
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:00,400
I don't know.

1446
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:01,240
They be lying at the doctor's office.

1447
00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:02,640
Man, wait till I really get old, man.

1448
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:04,880
Dude, you might be from the Dominican Republic

1449
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:06,000
and you're like 40, bro.

1450
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,160
Yeah, be one of this shit.

1451
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:08,400
There's a decent chance.

1452
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:11,160
And that would make sense with your obsession

1453
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:12,920
with the radios and older things,

1454
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:15,160
because culturally they are a little bit behind.

1455
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:16,080
Yeah.

1456
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,560
You're really old in mind, body, and soul.

1457
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:19,720
Yeah.

1458
00:46:19,720 --> 00:46:21,760
Because your body being the hemorrhoids

1459
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:23,280
and boils and such.

1460
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:24,120
It's weird.

1461
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:24,960
Yeah.

1462
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:25,800
It's not normal.

1463
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:26,640
It's not normal.

1464
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:27,460
It sucks that we got build-

1465
00:46:27,460 --> 00:46:29,480
I can't believe you had hemorrhoids.

1466
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:32,080
I gotta know of more people out there if you would comment.

1467
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:35,080
Did you have hemorrhoids in middle school, you're saying?

1468
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:35,920
Yes, eighth grade.

1469
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:36,760
I didn't.

1470
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:37,600
Fuck were you benching it?

1471
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:38,440
Are you squatting?

1472
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:39,280
What are you doing?

1473
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:40,840
I mean, I did, I mean, in high school, but like-

1474
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:42,080
But no, I'm talking, this is middle school.

1475
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:43,160
Oh yeah, I mean, a little, yeah,

1476
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:44,920
I had to, a little bit, football.

1477
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,600
You don't remember the first time you got one?

1478
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:49,720
What'd you do the day before, something like that?

1479
00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:51,160
No, man, dude, that's crazy,

1480
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:52,880
because shit will always happen.

1481
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,800
And I don't remember what probably caused it.

1482
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,880
Like recently now, I've been punched all this time.

1483
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:00,980
Like when we were at that holiday Kindle thing,

1484
00:47:00,980 --> 00:47:02,920
I couldn't even eat at Guffreys, man.

1485
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:03,760
Oh yeah.

1486
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:05,360
Like that happens a lot now.

1487
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:07,440
And that's, and Brandon was hurting when we were at Guffreys.

1488
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:08,600
Yes, I was hurting horribly, man.

1489
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:11,040
You were hurting, but also emotionally you were hurting.

1490
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:13,440
He was very upset that he couldn't get any food.

1491
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:14,880
Yeah, I couldn't get any Guffreys, man.

1492
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,280
It's not like I'm gonna go there normally on my own.

1493
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:18,600
You shouldn't, and you shouldn't go to that one.

1494
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:19,440
No, no, man.

1495
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:20,560
On your own. They gotta call people,

1496
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,480
get a crew, it's crazy, man.

1497
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:23,320
Call people.

1498
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:24,160
I'm talking about the call to Guffreys.

1499
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,160
You should not go to Coleman, Guffreys, Guffreys.

1500
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:27,000
Oh yeah, yeah.

1501
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:28,200
But they said they were nice.

1502
00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:29,160
They said there was no.

1503
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:30,000
Shit.

1504
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:31,800
What?

1505
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,120
Well, yeah, it's nice until it's just me.

1506
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:34,960
No, I'm serious.

1507
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:35,800
Yeah.

1508
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:37,280
And I don't know.

1509
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:39,320
Shit.

1510
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:41,560
Yeah.

1511
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:43,980
We learned something about each other today,

1512
00:47:43,980 --> 00:47:44,820
so that's good.

1513
00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:45,660
Yeah.

1514
00:47:45,660 --> 00:47:48,720
In high school, I had an ulcer in my anus,

1515
00:47:48,720 --> 00:47:52,160
and I was prescribed medicine from the doctor,

1516
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:54,720
and I had to put a glove on and get it up there.

1517
00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:55,560
No, man.

1518
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:56,400
Every day.

1519
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,200
So you had to stick your finger up there?

1520
00:47:58,200 --> 00:47:59,120
JJ, no.

1521
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:00,080
How deep was it?

1522
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:02,560
Say a knuckle and a half.

1523
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:03,400
Oh, shit.

1524
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:04,240
Knuckle and a half.

1525
00:48:04,240 --> 00:48:05,080
That's deep.

1526
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:06,480
So the whole finger.

1527
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:07,920
Yeah, and you know, you gotta get up there,

1528
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:11,640
you gotta start it, so you gotta get the overage.

1529
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:13,240
You know what I'm saying?

1530
00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:16,560
So if this is the ulcer right here,

1531
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:18,720
you can't just go down.

1532
00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:20,000
You have to get a little bit above it

1533
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:21,720
to really get the full.

1534
00:48:21,720 --> 00:48:22,560
Man.

1535
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:26,240
The full body of the ulcer slathered in the medication.

1536
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:27,280
Okay, okay.

1537
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:28,580
How'd this make you feel?

1538
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:32,640
It was medically necessary.

1539
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:34,200
I felt like I did what I had to do.

1540
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:39,200
I wasn't proud of it, but my shame lies in other areas.

1541
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,160
That ain't true that, man.

1542
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:45,400
Hell yeah.

1543
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:47,920
Ha ha ha!

1544
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,920
Brandon, let's say I had an ulcer again.

1545
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:53,040
Like, let's say I contracted one soon,

1546
00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:55,920
and I was in an accident where I broke both of my arms.

1547
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:57,080
Damn, man. Good question.

1548
00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:58,960
Do you think that you could help me out?

1549
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:01,280
If I was like, Brandon, look, man, I hate to ask you,

1550
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:04,640
but like, my arms, I can't move them, they're in cast,

1551
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:08,160
I can't even like get around to get in there.

1552
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:10,120
Can you put this glove on,

1553
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:13,960
and can you put this medication on my ulcer in my ass?

1554
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:15,160
Can you finger my ass?

1555
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,120
But for medical reasons.

1556
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:19,440
Medical reasons, man.

1557
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,680
Yeah, well, we would never have to speak about it

1558
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,200
except for the next podcast when I talked about it.

1559
00:49:25,240 --> 00:49:26,440
So just one time?

1560
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:27,280
Just one time.

1561
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:29,160
So what would you do?

1562
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:30,600
Wouldn't you do it?

1563
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:31,440
That wasn't the question.

1564
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:33,000
Yeah, he's asking you,

1565
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,400
are you gonna help him in his time of need?

1566
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,240
Am I gonna help him in his time of need?

1567
00:49:36,240 --> 00:49:38,240
My understanding right now is that we're friends.

1568
00:49:38,240 --> 00:49:39,540
Would you do this for me?

1569
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:42,040
You have to answer his question.

1570
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:43,720
Okay, so wait, so you say you will?

1571
00:49:43,720 --> 00:49:46,120
Dude, of course, I'll do it in a heartbeat.

1572
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:47,600
So you'll only finger his ass,

1573
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:48,600
or he'll finger yours?

1574
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,080
Well, look here, I don't want you doing that.

1575
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:53,680
Hell, I don't even want the fucking, what is that thing?

1576
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:54,520
Why are you so aggressive?

1577
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:56,520
I don't even want a prosthetic exam, man.

1578
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:58,680
I don't even want them to do that when I get older.

1579
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:00,040
Whatever that thing is where they go in there

1580
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:02,560
and tell you to, man, what is that, hold your breath?

1581
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:03,400
Cough. Going in, cough.

1582
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,560
They don't say hold your breath.

1583
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:06,400
Cough.

1584
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,280
They don't tell you to cough.

1585
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:09,120
They don't tell you to cough,

1586
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:10,840
then what'd they tell you to do?

1587
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:12,640
Cough, cough.

1588
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:14,400
No, man, get off me.

1589
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:18,080
But you saying the only stipulation for him,

1590
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:19,920
for you to do it for him, he has to do it for you.

1591
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:22,480
Is this life, is this like life or death or something?

1592
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,840
I mean, I would be in extreme discomfort, man.

1593
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:27,880
Man, that's crazy, man.

1594
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:31,360
I would try to limit the noises I made during the procedure.

1595
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:32,200
To hell?

1596
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:33,040
What, no.

1597
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:34,240
Well, because you're getting up in there.

1598
00:50:34,240 --> 00:50:35,080
Well, not even.

1599
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:36,280
Because you gotta go from the top, like he said.

1600
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:37,280
I'm in pain.

1601
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:38,680
The ulcer does not feel good.

1602
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:39,680
No.

1603
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:40,920
It doesn't like to be irritated.

1604
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:42,480
Does it go away on its own, no?

1605
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:43,320
No.

1606
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,040
So you would have this for life if nobody did.

1607
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:47,760
I would have it for life if nobody did.

1608
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:49,520
Man, wait, so I'm just curious,

1609
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,840
why am I the first pick out of every,

1610
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:52,680
like you don't have a doctor or nobody?

1611
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:54,000
Because I trust you, Brandon.

1612
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:54,840
I thought we were friends.

1613
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:56,880
Oh, dude, dude, I agree.

1614
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:58,880
I mean, the doctor prescribes me the medicine,

1615
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:00,160
but I can't go back to the doctor every day.

1616
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:01,520
I mean, dude, I tell you what,

1617
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:06,000
if it was like nobody else, man, life or death, I got you.

1618
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:07,520
What if there was a device?

1619
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:08,360
A device, what you mean?

1620
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,000
And you didn't have to use your finger?

1621
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,360
Oh, I didn't have to use my finger?

1622
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:14,120
You could use, you know, like a foreign object.

1623
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:17,040
Sounds like a dildo.

1624
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,360
Well, it's not sexual.

1625
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:21,040
It's for medical purposes.

1626
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:23,160
Oh, would you rather use your finger?

1627
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,200
No, I wouldn't wanna use my finger at all.

1628
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:26,040
But with gloves.

1629
00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:26,960
So you would rather use a dildo,

1630
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:28,600
a small one, like a vibrator.

1631
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:29,800
Or like a popsicle stick.

1632
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:30,640
Yeah, anything.

1633
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,880
I don't, I don't, I feel like,

1634
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,640
I'm surprised that technology hasn't been advanced

1635
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,880
where we still gotta stick stuff up people's ass.

1636
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:43,760
Well, there's only one way to get there, man.

1637
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:46,280
That's just crazy as hell, like I mean, damn.

1638
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:48,040
Well, you know, you still gotta take pills

1639
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:49,880
by popping them in your mouth, right?

1640
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:52,440
Yeah, so why can't, yeah, you're right.

1641
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:53,280
You're right.

1642
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:55,960
So are you still sticking with your answer

1643
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:58,560
you'll only do it if he does it to you?

1644
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,560
What, no, no, because you don't have to do it to me, man.

1645
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:02,400
You never have to.

1646
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:03,240
But what if you had an ulcer?

1647
00:52:03,240 --> 00:52:06,120
If I had an ulcer, we're gonna be in a lot of pain

1648
00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:08,960
for a long time, I just say that because,

1649
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:11,840
I'm sorry, man, I'm good.

1650
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:12,680
Depends how bad it was.

1651
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:14,080
So you would live with your pain,

1652
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:15,360
but you would let him live through his

1653
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:16,680
or you help him out?

1654
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:21,240
If it came down to it, man, if I had to help, I would help.

1655
00:52:21,240 --> 00:52:22,400
Thanks, man.

1656
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:23,240
Became down to it.

1657
00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:24,080
Air good for him, man.

1658
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:27,160
Yeah, became, it would have to really come down to it, man.

1659
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:28,760
Yeah. Like, seriously.

1660
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,360
Well, I mean, it came down to it because he had it

1661
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:33,200
and then he needs you to see it.

1662
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,040
No, not just, down just off the bat, like,

1663
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,200
hey, man, you know, I don't feel like doing this ulcer.

1664
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:38,760
Can you go ahead and stick it up my ass?

1665
00:52:38,760 --> 00:52:40,920
No, I'm good, man, I don't wanna do all that.

1666
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:42,480
No, man, it's not like that.

1667
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:43,480
It's nothing weird.

1668
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:47,760
I mean, what if a doctor calls, hey, man.

1669
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:49,720
No, if a doctor calls, he should be able to do it.

1670
00:52:49,720 --> 00:52:51,760
What if we got an official letter from, like,

1671
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:55,480
the county government being like, this is not gay?

1672
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:59,360
Like, lawfully, we do not consider this a homosexual act.

1673
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:01,040
This is purely for medical purposes.

1674
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:02,560
I would think this is a prank, man.

1675
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:04,040
I'd be like, why'd they care?

1676
00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:05,000
It's all right.

1677
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,400
But would that make it better for you, is what he's saying?

1678
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:10,240
Sure, man.

1679
00:53:10,240 --> 00:53:11,560
That you would need that.

1680
00:53:11,560 --> 00:53:12,400
Yeah.

1681
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:13,240
Just a minimum.

1682
00:53:13,240 --> 00:53:14,080
I mean, I don't.

1683
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:15,280
Not gloves or anything, but.

1684
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:17,520
Nah, man, I'd rather have gloves.

1685
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:18,360
I'd rather have gloves, man.

1686
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:19,560
Gloves and a certificate?

1687
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:20,400
Yeah.

1688
00:53:20,400 --> 00:53:22,080
Okay, so just get him gloves.

1689
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:23,240
Mahogany frame.

1690
00:53:23,240 --> 00:53:24,320
Yeah, man.

1691
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:25,600
Get a robotic hand.

1692
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:28,000
That's what he was talking about.

1693
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:28,840
Yeah.

1694
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:31,360
Could I get a prosthetic hand that does this or something?

1695
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:32,560
You can put on like that.

1696
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:34,000
Exactly, Brandon.

1697
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,720
The Iron Man gauntlet.

1698
00:53:35,720 --> 00:53:36,560
There you go, man.

1699
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:37,400
Thanos thing.

1700
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:38,480
Nah, I want it.

1701
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:39,600
I take out all the rings

1702
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:41,400
so it doesn't get stuck or nothing in there.

1703
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:45,720
I don't know why you'd have rings on a robot hand.

1704
00:53:45,720 --> 00:53:46,680
What is that thing?

1705
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:48,520
Not him, that's my Thanos, the stone.

1706
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:50,320
Well, you don't have to go that deep.

1707
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,080
If you go that deep, then it is gay.

1708
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:53,720
And the certificate is revoked.

1709
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:57,840
Damn, man, that sucks.

1710
00:53:57,840 --> 00:53:59,320
I didn't want to be here anyway.

1711
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:01,320
I'm just gonna, I gotta, damn.

1712
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:05,600
This podcast, every episode has devolved into me

1713
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:07,640
trying to get Brandon to say he's gay.

1714
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:10,720
I'm dying, man.

1715
00:54:10,720 --> 00:54:12,920
There's nothing wrong with that.

1716
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:14,920
No, there is nothing wrong with that.

1717
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:19,480
No, no, there really isn't.

1718
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:21,280
I was just saying I forgot something crazy

1719
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:22,640
at my job happened, man.

1720
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:23,480
What happened?

1721
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:25,320
So these old people kept coming up

1722
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:26,160
and everybody be like,

1723
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:28,320
man, Santa get you something special this year?

1724
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:32,240
And I was like, nah, I guess, ha ha ha.

1725
00:54:32,240 --> 00:54:34,920
And so I went into the routine and one old dude walked up

1726
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:35,760
and I was like, hey man,

1727
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,120
Santa get you something good this year?

1728
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:40,320
And then you looked at me like, yeah, he sure did.

1729
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:42,640
And then after that, I just didn't like that, man.

1730
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:45,600
God, this is weird as hell to ask a grown ass man

1731
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:47,080
that question, just be like, hey man,

1732
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,160
Santa get you something nice this year?

1733
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:50,000
That is weird to ask.

1734
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:51,120
So right after that, I was like,

1735
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:52,680
I'm not gonna continue this.

1736
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:53,520
That's it.

1737
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:54,360
What's up?

1738
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:57,680
So what did you say after that when you saw somebody?

1739
00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,240
Oh, now I just be like, hey man, you got a good Christmas?

1740
00:55:00,240 --> 00:55:01,080
All right.

1741
00:55:02,240 --> 00:55:03,320
That's what's up.

1742
00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:04,160
Yeah.

1743
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:05,000
That's good.

1744
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:07,040
Merry Christmas, you could just say that.

1745
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,000
Yeah, man, that's all I do now because that was just weird.

1746
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:11,600
Well, you're supposed to say happy holidays.

1747
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:12,760
Happy holidays.

1748
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:14,360
Oh yeah, no, I do it all actually.

1749
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:17,160
I say this, I say, hey man, sometimes I'll switch it up.

1750
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:20,040
Happy Kwanzaa, happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas.

1751
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:20,880
I gotta just say that.

1752
00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:23,120
Or I'll be like, Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah,

1753
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:23,960
and Kwanzaa.

1754
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:26,840
I say Merry Christmas.

1755
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:28,680
Because I live in America, dude.

1756
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:31,560
I'm a diverse, I like to give it to everybody.

1757
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:32,600
I bet you do.

1758
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:33,440
Mm-hmm.

1759
00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:35,080
Man.

1760
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:35,920
Damn.

1761
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:38,440
I like that.

1762
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:39,280
What did you say?

1763
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:40,560
Dude, what are you talking about?

1764
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:41,400
Did you say I like that?

1765
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:42,680
No, I said not like that.

1766
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:44,360
Now what the hell, what?

1767
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,040
I don't know, I'm trying to hear what you're saying.

1768
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:47,960
But did Santa get you anything for Christmas this year?

1769
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:48,800
Ooh, yeah.

1770
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:49,960
Oh, he did, man.

1771
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:51,720
Yeah, I got a lot of great stuff.

1772
00:55:51,720 --> 00:55:54,680
But Santa gave me socks and shit, you know?

1773
00:55:56,520 --> 00:56:00,000
Toothbrush and what else, what else?

1774
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:00,840
Some other stuff.

1775
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:04,160
I got some coal, it was chocolate coal, man.

1776
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:05,000
Oh.

1777
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:05,840
Yeah.

1778
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:07,360
And my mom gave me a laptop, she was like,

1779
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:08,480
she said, you're going back to school.

1780
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:09,320
Oh, nice.

1781
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:10,160
Oh.

1782
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:11,000
That's cool.

1783
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:14,240
That's the, where'd you start off with socks and toothbrush?

1784
00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:15,080
Toothbrush.

1785
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:17,080
Oh, I was just, no, I was telling you,

1786
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:19,120
I mean, it's still Santa Claus stuff.

1787
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:21,480
That's what Santa got you, but your mom got you a laptop.

1788
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:22,320
Yeah, yeah.

1789
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:24,440
I still got, man, I get a lot of stuff.

1790
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:27,600
I even got a scene to jumpstart my car now,

1791
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:28,800
like if I get stranded.

1792
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:29,680
Like jumper cables?

1793
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:32,240
Yes, yes, jumper cables attached to a machine that'll take.

1794
00:56:32,240 --> 00:56:33,080
The jump box.

1795
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:33,920
Yeah.

1796
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:34,760
The box.

1797
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:35,600
That's actually tight.

1798
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:36,440
Yes.

1799
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:39,720
So you still believe in Santa?

1800
00:56:39,720 --> 00:56:40,560
No.

1801
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:41,400
Oh, no.

1802
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:42,240
Okay.

1803
00:56:42,240 --> 00:56:43,080
Oh, no.

1804
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:43,920
I just didn't.

1805
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:44,760
Dude, if you don't believe,

1806
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:45,600
he's not gonna bring you anything.

1807
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:46,440
Nah, man.

1808
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:47,480
The way you worded it.

1809
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:49,640
Oh, nah, man, nah, man, I don't believe that.

1810
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,680
Who do you call Santa?

1811
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:52,520
Who do I call Santa?

1812
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:53,360
Who's your Santa?

1813
00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:55,400
Oh, man, myself.

1814
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:56,800
I remember people be like, it's Santa,

1815
00:56:56,800 --> 00:56:59,640
but yeah, Brandon Santa, he'll get you something special.

1816
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:00,480
He is.

1817
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:02,320
He is.

1818
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:05,120
Right, well Christmas over, we're going to New Year.

1819
00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:05,960
Yeah.

1820
00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:07,920
Yep, a brand new year.

1821
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:10,520
What's your guys' New Year's resolution?

1822
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:13,240
You gotta go first.

1823
00:57:13,240 --> 00:57:15,960
I'll say, dude, just to hold myself accountable,

1824
00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:19,600
I'm running a marathon in 2025, dude, in December.

1825
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:22,960
I'm excited to see this.

1826
00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:23,800
I'm gonna do it.

1827
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:26,520
And I'm gonna wear a clown college sponsorship.

1828
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:30,800
I'll ship myself at the starting line,

1829
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:33,640
just to set the tempo.

1830
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:34,560
It'll be nice, man.

1831
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:37,280
Oh, yeah, we'll be there beginning and end.

1832
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:38,920
Now we won't run it with you.

1833
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:40,640
But I will.

1834
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:41,880
I'll run with you, man.

1835
00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:42,720
Okay.

1836
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:43,960
I need to.

1837
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:44,800
I need to.

1838
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:46,000
Brandon, you gonna break down?

1839
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,400
Don't you got medical thing you gotta?

1840
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:51,680
Dude, I'm trying to, I wanna practice every way I can.

1841
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:52,880
You know how long a marathon is?

1842
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:53,960
How long is a marathon?

1843
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:55,120
26 miles.

1844
00:57:55,120 --> 00:57:57,440
26 miles, how long would that probably take?

1845
00:57:57,440 --> 00:57:59,640
I think you have to finish it in six hours.

1846
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:01,080
Six hours?

1847
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:03,440
It's like 12 minutes a mile.

1848
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:05,240
When's the last time you ran a mile?

1849
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:09,760
Probably a year and a half ago, probably two years.

1850
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:10,920
And you're 21?

1851
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:12,800
Yeah.

1852
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:16,600
I mean, you definitely could do it.

1853
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:17,440
Yeah.

1854
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:18,280
It's not till December.

1855
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:20,200
26 miles is a lot.

1856
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,400
If you started January 1st,

1857
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:25,120
you basically have a year to prepare.

1858
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:31,440
Nah, yeah, I'll just prepare for the other test first.

1859
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:34,160
What's the other test?

1860
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:37,360
I wouldn't do the CPAP tests.

1861
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:38,200
Oh, CPAP.

1862
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:41,080
Not CPAP, how do they, CPACT, I'm trying to say it.

1863
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:41,920
Oh, okay.

1864
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:42,880
CPACT.

1865
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:44,120
Is that the EMS?

1866
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:44,960
EMS, yeah.

1867
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:46,200
No, I'm talking about like after the EMS

1868
00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:47,840
for like the firefighting training.

1869
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:48,680
Oh, okay.

1870
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:50,000
I wanna work on that.

1871
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:51,200
You gotta do both though, right?

1872
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:52,040
Oh, yeah.

1873
00:58:52,040 --> 00:58:54,120
To be a firefighter, you have to certify.

1874
00:58:54,120 --> 00:58:55,200
EMS is different too.

1875
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,240
And then you do that and then you pass that

1876
00:58:57,240 --> 00:58:58,160
and then you go to camp.

1877
00:58:58,160 --> 00:58:59,520
Hell yeah, and then you gonna be on fucking

1878
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:00,480
top of that truck.

1879
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:01,320
Hell yeah.

1880
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:02,320
Spraying out fires.

1881
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:03,440
Yes.

1882
00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:05,760
Picking kittens out of trees and such.

1883
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:07,120
Whatever I gotta do, man.

1884
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:08,400
You can go off the side of the road.

1885
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:09,240
Yeah.

1886
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:10,080
That too.

1887
00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:11,280
Yeah, whatever they call you to do

1888
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:12,120
because that's your duty.

1889
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:12,960
Hell fucking yeah.

1890
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:13,800
While you're on that fucking test.

1891
00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:16,120
You're gonna have to go peel Dom out of the car after.

1892
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:17,440
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I gotta do.

1893
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:18,560
The DUI crash.

1894
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:20,400
That's what I gotta do.

1895
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:21,560
You gotta get the jaws of life.

1896
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:23,160
You know, it's weird they call them the jaws of life

1897
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:24,640
when everybody's already dead, you know?

1898
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:25,960
Yeah.

1899
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:26,800
That's strange.

1900
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:28,160
Ah man, that's, yeah.

1901
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:29,400
I never understood that part.

1902
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:30,320
That's me leading.

1903
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:31,840
Jake almost killed us last night.

1904
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:33,320
Really, what happened, man?

1905
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:36,000
On Birmingham, you know, they had a,

1906
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:38,680
the nine-wool law, the stop signs were very low.

1907
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:40,440
But there was one on each side of the street

1908
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:42,520
and he's driving and he's talking.

1909
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:44,240
And then he's just like, I'm like,

1910
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:46,280
hey, Jake, this is a stop sign.

1911
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:49,480
And he like had a hard stop while a car was coming this way.

1912
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:50,840
Oh no.

1913
00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:53,640
This car was stopped, but it was waiting to go.

1914
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:55,200
And it should have already went,

1915
00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:57,000
but I think they seen how fast Jake was going,

1916
00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:58,480
so it didn't go.

1917
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:00,240
You know when the light is out

1918
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:02,480
and they have stops to put stop signs up?

1919
01:00:02,480 --> 01:00:05,080
Yeah, yeah, we almost died.

1920
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:07,400
And he was geeked out after that.

1921
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:09,200
He was like, I'm locked in.

1922
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:10,040
Oh yeah.

1923
01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:12,880
Yeah, man.

1924
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,320
Someone's gotta feed Squeaks.

1925
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:19,040
Squeaks and the fish that he has in a tub

1926
01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:21,440
and is just a,

1927
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:24,640
was it a tote or something he has it in?

1928
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:26,960
I'm just imagining like one of those things

1929
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:29,960
that like college kids take for getting in their dorm

1930
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:32,320
and like moving out, just filled with water.

1931
01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:34,680
Fuck that, dude.

1932
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:38,080
And Don, I do have some unfortunate news for you, man.

1933
01:00:38,080 --> 01:00:42,280
I know they, I'm sure we talked about it on the pod before.

1934
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:45,240
You're a big fan of Big Justice.

1935
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:46,080
Yeah.

1936
01:00:46,080 --> 01:00:51,080
And he's been photographed with him and his family

1937
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:54,120
with a menorah.

1938
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:55,160
I know, I've seen that.

1939
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:56,000
Oh no.

1940
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:57,320
I like to hear your thoughts.

1941
01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,920
I know that you've had some recent reformations.

1942
01:00:59,920 --> 01:01:03,040
You know, here's what I gotta say.

1943
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:03,960
Nobody's perfect.

1944
01:01:05,280 --> 01:01:08,480
You know, I like Big Justice and the whole Justice League

1945
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:09,880
and what they put out there.

1946
01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:13,680
And I'm not gonna let a little setback like this

1947
01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:16,960
take my fandom away.

1948
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:18,760
You know, and that's where we have to grow as people.

1949
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:19,600
True.

1950
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:20,440
Right?

1951
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:23,560
Because he has a disability or, you know,

1952
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:25,040
whatever they got going on.

1953
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:29,600
You know, at Harry Klein College, we accept everybody.

1954
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:30,440
Yeah.

1955
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:31,260
Hey, yes we do.

1956
01:01:31,260 --> 01:01:33,240
And the Rizler has also been photographed

1957
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:35,000
with some similar.

1958
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:36,240
God damn it.

1959
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:37,840
Damn, man.

1960
01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:39,600
Not the Riz.

1961
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:41,440
I thought they were Italian, dude.

1962
01:01:41,440 --> 01:01:44,200
They got them there too.

1963
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:45,040
Do they?

1964
01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:45,880
Yeah.

1965
01:01:45,880 --> 01:01:47,680
Oh God, they're taking over everything.

1966
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:50,320
Sad.

1967
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:51,160
I'm sorry.

1968
01:01:51,160 --> 01:01:52,720
It just calls in the question,

1969
01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:54,880
the motive of the Justice League and.

1970
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:57,480
What are they trying, now, yeah,

1971
01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:59,040
now it seems like they're trying to take something over

1972
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:00,080
with the booms.

1973
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:02,360
You know, it just, you think about it,

1974
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:05,000
the double chunk chocolate cookie

1975
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:06,840
and the chicken baked there.

1976
01:02:06,840 --> 01:02:07,680
What does that represent?

1977
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:08,920
The kosher, man.

1978
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:09,880
Kosher.

1979
01:02:09,880 --> 01:02:11,680
Why haven't they tried the hot dogs?

1980
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:18,200
Now that, no, the chicken bacon ranch.

1981
01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:19,600
That's what that thing is, right?

1982
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:20,480
The chicken bake.

1983
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:22,720
Chicken bake, does that have bacon in it?

1984
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:24,680
I think it's just chicken bake.

1985
01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:25,520
I'm not sure, I've never had one.

1986
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:27,440
It's a Costco chicken bake.

1987
01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:29,240
I need to know if it has bacon in it right now.

1988
01:02:29,240 --> 01:02:31,640
Cause now I'm thinking that picture might be Photoshopped

1989
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:34,360
and he's clear of all wrongdoing.

1990
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:36,280
Yeah, he might be innocent, dude.

1991
01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:37,120
He might be innocent.

1992
01:02:37,120 --> 01:02:37,960
He might be, yeah.

1993
01:02:37,960 --> 01:02:40,920
But you know, even if he's not.

1994
01:02:40,920 --> 01:02:41,760
Yeah.

1995
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:46,000
It does take a little off, I'm not gonna lie.

1996
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:47,400
Yeah, you know.

1997
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:49,480
But you gotta separate the art from the artist.

1998
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:50,320
That look like bacon.

1999
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:53,040
That's bacon, dude, no, that's Photoshopped, that's bacon.

2000
01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:53,880
Is it bacon?

2001
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:55,400
Yeah, they can't have it.

2002
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:56,720
Yep, that's bacon.

2003
01:02:56,720 --> 01:02:57,560
Yep, Kirkland Chicken Bacon.

2004
01:02:57,560 --> 01:02:59,160
So they do have bacon in them.

2005
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:02,080
I thought it was a chicken. Yep, smoky bacon.

2006
01:03:02,080 --> 01:03:03,640
Yeah.

2007
01:03:03,640 --> 01:03:05,920
Well, I stand corrected.

2008
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:07,480
Smoky, so.

2009
01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:10,160
Maybe just ideologically, you know.

2010
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:11,800
Like they're not practicing,

2011
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:14,640
but they just support the state of Israel.

2012
01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:18,240
I don't know which one's worse.

2013
01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:20,400
I don't know, man.

2014
01:03:22,440 --> 01:03:24,520
Well, I've been reading that Zohar, so.

2015
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:26,880
The hell is this?

2016
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:29,280
But why though?

2017
01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:30,120
That's what I'm wondering.

2018
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:31,840
Is that a hot dog inside of a chicken bacon?

2019
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:33,920
Yeah. That's sex.

2020
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:35,360
Yeah, that's crazy as hell.

2021
01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:36,200
But what?

2022
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:37,800
There you go, Jonathan.

2023
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:38,640
Yeah, Jonathan.

2024
01:03:38,640 --> 01:03:40,680
Jonathan, he could do this one, it's good.

2025
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:43,280
Yeah.

2026
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:44,800
Yeah. Call him.

2027
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:45,640
Call me.

2028
01:03:45,640 --> 01:03:46,480
Yeah. Call him.

2029
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:47,320
Call him.

2030
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:49,840
Now I'll call him later.

2031
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:52,280
Shout out, Jonathan Silver.

2032
01:03:52,280 --> 01:03:54,520
Hell yeah, the man of plot.

2033
01:03:54,520 --> 01:03:58,800
Man, I've never tried any of that stuff from Costco.

2034
01:03:58,800 --> 01:03:59,640
Me neither.

2035
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:01,560
The Jimmy Jam is banging.

2036
01:04:01,560 --> 01:04:02,880
I bet it is, man.

2037
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:06,080
Put some mustard on there, maybe a little relish if you get.

2038
01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:08,360
These people need to be shot for gluttony.

2039
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:09,320
Damn, man.

2040
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:13,160
But I do have a recommendation for a new influencer

2041
01:04:13,160 --> 01:04:15,280
that we might need to keep up with, man.

2042
01:04:15,280 --> 01:04:18,680
And I know you're, you know, just hear me out.

2043
01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:20,560
His name's Jew Boy Jacob.

2044
01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:21,400
Let's see him.

2045
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:22,600
All right, let's see his.

2046
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:26,600
And he does acapella covers of rap songs.

2047
01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:30,840
And he did the Dave Blunt song, that big dude.

2048
01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:34,680
I can't put the helmet up.

2049
01:04:34,680 --> 01:04:35,520
Have you seen it?

2050
01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:37,200
Have you seen his version of it?

2051
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:38,040
Uh-uh.

2052
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:38,880
This dude.

2053
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:39,720
That's a.

2054
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:40,560
Pah!

2055
01:04:40,560 --> 01:04:41,400
What?

2056
01:04:41,400 --> 01:04:45,560
He put Jew Boy, do you see that picture right there?

2057
01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:46,600
Right here?

2058
01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:47,440
Can you flip on it?

2059
01:04:47,440 --> 01:04:48,840
Go to the right, the cartoon one.

2060
01:04:48,840 --> 01:04:49,680
Right here?

2061
01:04:49,680 --> 01:04:51,160
Or this one?

2062
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:52,000
Right here?

2063
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:53,480
Yeah.

2064
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:55,800
Oh, I thought that was, oh my God, I'm racist.

2065
01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:57,600
What's the one with the Confederate flag?

2066
01:04:57,600 --> 01:04:58,440
Wait, what?

2067
01:04:58,440 --> 01:04:59,280
There's a.

2068
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:01,360
Okay.

2069
01:05:01,360 --> 01:05:02,560
Jew Boy of the South?

2070
01:05:02,560 --> 01:05:03,400
What the?

2071
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:04,240
Oh, that's a real thing.

2072
01:05:04,240 --> 01:05:05,080
That's like somebody's.

2073
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:05,920
Yeah.

2074
01:05:05,920 --> 01:05:07,720
Oh my God.

2075
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:08,560
So what was it?

2076
01:05:08,560 --> 01:05:09,560
Jew Boy Jacob.

2077
01:05:09,560 --> 01:05:12,120
Oh, Jacob, I put Davis.

2078
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:13,120
That's a whole book.

2079
01:05:13,120 --> 01:05:14,080
Okay, you said.

2080
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:14,920
Jacob.

2081
01:05:14,920 --> 01:05:16,160
Jacob, okay, okay.

2082
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:18,800
Yeah, that's what's going on.

2083
01:05:18,800 --> 01:05:19,640
Oh.

2084
01:05:19,640 --> 01:05:20,600
Yeah, there he is.

2085
01:05:20,600 --> 01:05:21,720
Okay.

2086
01:05:21,720 --> 01:05:22,560
Right here?

2087
01:05:23,360 --> 01:05:25,120
The top left.

2088
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:26,800
The top, the left.

2089
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:27,800
Go to videos.

2090
01:05:27,800 --> 01:05:29,080
Okay, let's go see videos.

2091
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:31,400
I'm sorry, yeah, there we go.

2092
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:33,480
It's the acapella guy.

2093
01:05:33,480 --> 01:05:35,200
Oh, right here.

2094
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:36,040
Yeah.

2095
01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:37,560
We have one of the, can we click on the TikTok one?

2096
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:38,400
Yeah.

2097
01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:39,240
Okay, let's see.

2098
01:05:39,240 --> 01:05:40,080
Oh, actually, I have no clue.

2099
01:05:40,080 --> 01:05:41,000
I don't know.

2100
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:41,840
That's him.

2101
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:45,240
Can you do this part?

2102
01:05:45,240 --> 01:05:46,640
No, you gotta do it.

2103
01:05:46,640 --> 01:05:47,640
Okay, turn it up.

2104
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:51,640
You gotta unmute it.

2105
01:05:51,640 --> 01:05:52,840
Unmute, oh, I see it.

2106
01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:57,280
Yeah, my name is trying to take my life away.

2107
01:05:57,280 --> 01:05:58,640
I throw your whole.

2108
01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:03,640
I'm a man who wish death upon me.

2109
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:07,720
Blood in my eyes, dog, I can't see.

2110
01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:10,400
I'm just trying to be what I'm destined to be.

2111
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:11,880
And my name is trying to take my life away.

2112
01:06:11,880 --> 01:06:13,880
Oh, I was like, what is he gonna say?

2113
01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:15,120
I throw your whole in the neighborhood.

2114
01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:16,760
Oh, it's so close.

2115
01:06:16,760 --> 01:06:19,040
Back on the wall, now you gon' see.

2116
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:22,080
Hey, better watch how you talk when you talk about.

2117
01:06:22,080 --> 01:06:24,800
Cause I'll come and take your life away.

2118
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:25,640
Bang, bang.

2119
01:06:25,640 --> 01:06:29,040
But the main one that people have been,

2120
01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:30,160
like the ones that's blown up,

2121
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:32,400
I've seen it a thousand times on Instagram,

2122
01:06:32,400 --> 01:06:35,200
is the Dave Blunt song, I Can't Put Down the Cup.

2123
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:36,040
Can't put down the cup.

2124
01:06:36,040 --> 01:06:37,240
It's so funny how he does it.

2125
01:06:37,240 --> 01:06:38,600
Can't put down the cup.

2126
01:06:40,040 --> 01:06:44,280
You saw that dude got on Snoop Dogg for like saying something.

2127
01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:46,280
Fat ass talking to us, legends like that.

2128
01:06:46,280 --> 01:06:48,200
Yeah, and then Snoop Dogg's like, all right, shit,

2129
01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:49,040
I'm not gonna say nothing else to you.

2130
01:06:49,040 --> 01:06:50,280
You got a big homie,

2131
01:06:50,280 --> 01:06:53,040
the nigga's about to die in like three months.

2132
01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:53,880
Yeah.

2133
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:54,720
That's why he said that.

2134
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:56,840
Just like his make-a-wish, go let him have fun.

2135
01:06:56,840 --> 01:07:00,200
There was a video where he like was performing

2136
01:07:00,200 --> 01:07:03,640
and he always sits on like a couch while he's performing.

2137
01:07:03,640 --> 01:07:05,600
There was one where he stands up,

2138
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:09,040
the crowd goes fucking crazy just cause he stood up.

2139
01:07:09,040 --> 01:07:10,400
Damn man, imagine that.

2140
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:11,680
That's like rustling, man.

2141
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:15,040
Exactly like WWE.

2142
01:07:15,040 --> 01:07:16,360
Well, they're always standing up.

2143
01:07:16,360 --> 01:07:18,320
No, I'm talking about, you know when somebody stand up

2144
01:07:18,320 --> 01:07:20,440
or they fall down, the Undertaker get up,

2145
01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:21,640
you be like, oh shit.

2146
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:22,480
Oh, when he sits up.

2147
01:07:22,480 --> 01:07:25,800
Or whenever the dude look around for two hours

2148
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:27,640
and get ready to do a finisher.

2149
01:07:27,640 --> 01:07:29,400
You know when they all look around and oh shit,

2150
01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:30,240
what's he gonna do?

2151
01:07:30,240 --> 01:07:32,400
His hand right there waiting for him to turn around.

2152
01:07:32,400 --> 01:07:33,240
Yeah.

2153
01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:34,080
Like that.

2154
01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:34,920
Uh-huh.

2155
01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:37,240
You been working on wrestling material?

2156
01:07:37,240 --> 01:07:38,880
Yes, I have actually been working on something.

2157
01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:39,760
You got something?

2158
01:07:39,760 --> 01:07:42,160
Yes, I do, but I'm gonna save it.

2159
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:44,000
Oh yeah, I'm not saying save it right now.

2160
01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:45,680
I'm just saying you've been working it out.

2161
01:07:45,680 --> 01:07:46,920
Oh yeah, yeah, I do have something.

2162
01:07:46,920 --> 01:07:48,080
Cause you want it.

2163
01:07:48,080 --> 01:07:50,200
You're a want it fucking man, dude.

2164
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:52,320
That's good, that's good, in a good way.

2165
01:07:52,320 --> 01:07:54,080
They ask for you verbatim.

2166
01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:54,920
Hell yeah.

2167
01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:56,320
Big time, motherfuckers, we're going on the radio

2168
01:07:56,320 --> 01:07:57,280
on today's show.

2169
01:07:57,280 --> 01:08:00,000
That is, man everybody, look at that.

2170
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:01,280
That's awesome, man.

2171
01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:02,560
Give me a hug, Brandon.

2172
01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:05,080
That's what's up, man, respect to that.

2173
01:08:05,080 --> 01:08:05,920
Man, look.

2174
01:08:05,920 --> 01:08:09,200
Can you get Brandon to give you a hug from me?

2175
01:08:09,200 --> 01:08:10,320
I'm Brandon, huh?

2176
01:08:10,320 --> 01:08:13,120
Can you get Brandon to give you a hug from me?

2177
01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:14,280
All right, hold up, man.

2178
01:08:14,280 --> 01:08:15,840
Hey, give him a hug.

2179
01:08:15,840 --> 01:08:16,680
Look at that.

2180
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:17,520
Oh, thank you.

2181
01:08:17,520 --> 01:08:18,360
Gotcha.

2182
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:19,200
Thanks, dude.

2183
01:08:19,200 --> 01:08:21,040
This looks crazy as hell, man.

2184
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:22,080
You can't hug, you see,

2185
01:08:22,080 --> 01:08:23,440
more people need to hug themselves.

2186
01:08:23,440 --> 01:08:24,280
Yes, they do.

2187
01:08:24,280 --> 01:08:25,480
Honestly, they do, man.

2188
01:08:25,480 --> 01:08:28,480
If you go outside and go to Publix,

2189
01:08:28,480 --> 01:08:29,840
go to any grocery store,

2190
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:32,040
you'll quickly see that people need to hug themselves.

2191
01:08:32,040 --> 01:08:33,280
Cause they are so rude.

2192
01:08:34,880 --> 01:08:35,920
So damn rude.

2193
01:08:35,920 --> 01:08:38,160
Oh my gosh, man, this is witch.

2194
01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:41,160
Yeah, I was driving on Christmas morning.

2195
01:08:41,160 --> 01:08:43,120
I went to the gym and I was on university.

2196
01:08:43,120 --> 01:08:45,360
There's not a single car.

2197
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:46,560
It was amazing.

2198
01:08:46,560 --> 01:08:47,800
You never see this, dude.

2199
01:08:47,800 --> 01:08:49,120
Not on university.

2200
01:08:49,120 --> 01:08:52,880
There's a car at a gas station that's pulling out.

2201
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:55,200
It's the only car, it's just me and this car on the road.

2202
01:08:55,200 --> 01:08:58,160
And they pull out directly in front of me.

2203
01:08:58,160 --> 01:09:01,240
Like they wait till I get right there.

2204
01:09:02,120 --> 01:09:03,760
And I said some things.

2205
01:09:03,760 --> 01:09:05,480
I said some things I'm not proud of.

2206
01:09:05,480 --> 01:09:07,440
So I speed up and get in the other lane

2207
01:09:07,440 --> 01:09:08,960
cause I want to see who this person is

2208
01:09:08,960 --> 01:09:11,640
that just gifted me with this on Christmas.

2209
01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:15,520
And I swear on everything, I love Asian woman.

2210
01:09:15,520 --> 01:09:16,560
And I just start laughing.

2211
01:09:16,560 --> 01:09:20,200
I'm like, God, that was a good one.

2212
01:09:22,800 --> 01:09:24,600
It's a little too on the nose for me.

2213
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:30,960
Because for a split second I was like, Ali.

2214
01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:35,360
Probably the same lady that almost hit me

2215
01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:36,720
in the public parking lot.

2216
01:09:37,600 --> 01:09:38,920
It might have been, there's not many of them.

2217
01:09:38,920 --> 01:09:40,120
They kind of all look.

2218
01:09:40,120 --> 01:09:40,960
Damn.

2219
01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:42,520
Yeah, kind of similar.

2220
01:09:42,520 --> 01:09:44,800
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

2221
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:45,720
You wouldn't know.

2222
01:09:47,440 --> 01:09:48,280
I wouldn't.

2223
01:09:50,960 --> 01:09:52,880
All right guys, happy new years, man.

2224
01:09:52,880 --> 01:09:54,200
Happy new years.

2225
01:09:54,200 --> 01:09:56,520
Wait, real quick, what are you guys' new years resolution?

2226
01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:58,320
Oh yeah, you're running a marathon.

2227
01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:06,800
Oh, I'm gonna get swole.

2228
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:11,200
Not marathon, I don't do that kind of, it's gay.

2229
01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:15,360
But I'm gonna do real lifting weights

2230
01:10:15,360 --> 01:10:17,120
and try to get as swole as I can.

2231
01:10:17,120 --> 01:10:20,520
And then what will happen, because I've been in shape

2232
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:23,320
multiple times throughout my life and then I get fat again.

2233
01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:25,800
What's gonna happen when I get in this top tier shape?

2234
01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:28,440
I will be different and I will treat people differently.

2235
01:10:29,440 --> 01:10:31,920
I just need everyone to know that.

2236
01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:33,240
Nothing will be the same.

2237
01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:39,200
I feel like people, when somebody approaches me

2238
01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:41,120
whenever I'm in top tier shape,

2239
01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:44,720
I'm like, you should think about what you are doing

2240
01:10:44,720 --> 01:10:47,840
and what you look like and how you're approaching me.

2241
01:10:47,840 --> 01:10:50,200
Now I'd be like, let's do it.

2242
01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:52,200
That's exactly what it's like being white.

2243
01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:53,040
Yeah.

2244
01:10:55,040 --> 01:10:56,000
And I have to do that.

2245
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:58,760
That's crazy, and I feel that sometimes.

2246
01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:00,800
That's the other half coming out, dude.

2247
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:04,200
I like it.

2248
01:11:04,200 --> 01:11:05,400
I feel like a conqueror.

2249
01:11:05,400 --> 01:11:10,400
Hell yeah, man. I feel like I could, that's gonna say something.

2250
01:11:13,920 --> 01:11:15,000
Brandon, what do you got?

2251
01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:16,680
Well, I'm gonna be honest,

2252
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:18,400
I'm gonna be working on getting in shape too,

2253
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:20,960
especially for what I wanna do in the future.

2254
01:11:20,960 --> 01:11:23,320
So that's my goal, is to get in shape

2255
01:11:23,320 --> 01:11:25,160
and also definitely pass

2256
01:11:25,160 --> 01:11:27,600
and make sure I take this stuff seriously.

2257
01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:30,640
And get that with flying colors and let the redemption work.

2258
01:11:32,080 --> 01:11:32,920
You know what I mean?

2259
01:11:32,920 --> 01:11:35,760
The world gave me a second chance, I'm gonna do it.

2260
01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:36,600
Yeah.

2261
01:11:36,600 --> 01:11:37,440
Hell yeah.

2262
01:11:37,440 --> 01:11:39,000
They tried to take you out with that heartburn.

2263
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:42,400
Hell yeah, and the learning disability.

2264
01:11:44,280 --> 01:11:45,480
It's black, yeah.

2265
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:48,280
Yeah, I got nothing on that one.

2266
01:11:48,280 --> 01:11:49,840
Man, that sucks.

2267
01:11:49,840 --> 01:11:50,920
We support you.

2268
01:11:50,920 --> 01:11:51,760
We support you.

2269
01:11:51,760 --> 01:11:53,280
Thank you, man, I appreciate that.

2270
01:11:53,280 --> 01:11:54,640
If I can make some suggestions,

2271
01:11:54,640 --> 01:11:56,080
I would say, Dom, for the new year,

2272
01:11:56,080 --> 01:11:59,280
you should work on your relationship with the Jews.

2273
01:11:59,280 --> 01:12:01,360
Well, I've already reconciled with them.

2274
01:12:01,360 --> 01:12:03,960
Well, you also just said that stuff earlier.

2275
01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:06,320
No, I said that, no, I said we still support them

2276
01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:08,680
even though they have a deficiency.

2277
01:12:08,680 --> 01:12:10,480
You also said nobody's perfect.

2278
01:12:10,480 --> 01:12:11,800
Yeah.

2279
01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:16,320
And Brandon, I think you should get into gardening.

2280
01:12:16,320 --> 01:12:18,760
Oh, I bet you'd be a killer gardener.

2281
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:20,000
Gardening with Brandon.

2282
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:21,400
And get some chia pets.

2283
01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:24,160
Not exactly what I had in mind,

2284
01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:25,360
but that's a good starting point.

2285
01:12:25,360 --> 01:12:26,200
We start there though, right?

2286
01:12:26,200 --> 01:12:28,760
Get the ice spice one, hell yeah.

2287
01:12:28,760 --> 01:12:30,560
Okay, ice spice, chia pet.

2288
01:12:30,560 --> 01:12:33,440
I will get that for you, mark my words.

2289
01:12:33,440 --> 01:12:36,120
Ice spice chia pet with one of those galaxy

2290
01:12:37,160 --> 01:12:38,400
fuck things he likes.

2291
01:12:38,400 --> 01:12:41,200
It turns out to just be a fire always.

2292
01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:42,720
Brandon, actually, scratch the gardening.

2293
01:12:42,720 --> 01:12:45,760
I think you should get into galaxy gas in the new year.

2294
01:12:45,760 --> 01:12:46,920
Galaxy gas?

2295
01:12:46,920 --> 01:12:49,720
I think you should just start doing whippets all the time.

2296
01:12:49,720 --> 01:12:51,600
Whippets, what's that?

2297
01:12:51,600 --> 01:12:52,440
Galaxy gas.

2298
01:12:52,440 --> 01:12:54,680
You can do it and be a firefighter.

2299
01:12:54,680 --> 01:12:55,560
What is that?

2300
01:12:55,560 --> 01:12:58,160
You actually can do it while you go into an open flame.

2301
01:12:58,160 --> 01:12:59,400
What is this?

2302
01:12:59,400 --> 01:13:01,680
No Brandon, just stick to gardening.

2303
01:13:01,680 --> 01:13:02,520
Stick to gardening, don't worry about it.

2304
01:13:02,520 --> 01:13:03,360
I'm gonna stick to gardening.

2305
01:13:03,360 --> 01:13:04,920
Ask Nathan, just stick to gardening.

2306
01:13:04,920 --> 01:13:06,520
He'll tell me, he'll tell me.

2307
01:13:09,120 --> 01:13:10,560
Oh, and that's Clown College.

2308
01:13:12,640 --> 01:13:14,720
Starting at the new year,

2309
01:13:14,720 --> 01:13:17,600
putting a skit out of some sort every week.

2310
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:18,440
Every week, dude.

2311
01:13:18,440 --> 01:13:19,640
I love something this week.

2312
01:13:19,640 --> 01:13:20,480
And we will.

2313
01:13:20,480 --> 01:13:24,520
And ultimate goal, make the musical.

2314
01:13:24,520 --> 01:13:25,960
That's the ultimate goal.

2315
01:13:25,960 --> 01:13:28,000
It started right here, we're making a musical,

2316
01:13:28,000 --> 01:13:30,960
and it'll be a musical for people who hate musicals.

2317
01:13:30,960 --> 01:13:32,560
We should do it at Shenanigans,

2318
01:13:32,560 --> 01:13:35,040
a live show of the musical at Shenanigans.

2319
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:36,880
I swear, we can do three acts.

2320
01:13:36,880 --> 01:13:38,000
None of us can really sing though.

2321
01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:38,840
I mean, I can sing a little bit.

2322
01:13:38,840 --> 01:13:39,680
That's the best part.

2323
01:13:39,680 --> 01:13:42,400
I can sing a little bit, a little bit.

2324
01:13:42,400 --> 01:13:43,240
All right, give me,

2325
01:13:45,440 --> 01:13:47,880
we'll take a, I like that.

2326
01:13:47,880 --> 01:13:49,920
We'll do a mini live show,

2327
01:13:49,920 --> 01:13:52,840
but we're gonna actually do a fucking real movie.

2328
01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:53,960
That's the point of it, you know,

2329
01:13:53,960 --> 01:13:54,800
a whole movie and then the musical.

2330
01:13:54,800 --> 01:13:59,360
The set design, everything.

2331
01:13:59,360 --> 01:14:00,640
All right, Brandon.

2332
01:14:00,640 --> 01:14:02,200
Wait, what's the scenario?

2333
01:14:02,200 --> 01:14:03,840
No, just, okay.

2334
01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:09,840
You were just asked to give up your seat on the bus

2335
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:11,400
because of the color of your skin.

2336
01:14:11,400 --> 01:14:12,600
And now you have to sing a song about-

2337
01:14:12,600 --> 01:14:13,720
What year is this?

2338
01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:14,540
Now.

2339
01:14:14,540 --> 01:14:15,380
Today?

2340
01:14:15,380 --> 01:14:16,220
Yeah.

2341
01:14:16,220 --> 01:14:17,040
It's in the future.

2342
01:14:17,040 --> 01:14:18,520
Holy shit.

2343
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:22,040
Trump's on his fourth, you know, fourth term.

2344
01:14:22,040 --> 01:14:23,120
Fourth term.

2345
01:14:23,120 --> 01:14:23,960
All right.

2346
01:14:23,960 --> 01:14:24,920
You're a dystopian.

2347
01:14:24,920 --> 01:14:27,640
All right, so what, are you the guy?

2348
01:14:27,640 --> 01:14:28,480
Sure.

2349
01:14:28,480 --> 01:14:30,840
All right, and who are you, like the bus driver?

2350
01:14:30,840 --> 01:14:31,680
Yep.

2351
01:14:31,680 --> 01:14:32,500
All right.

2352
01:14:32,500 --> 01:14:33,340
No.

2353
01:14:33,340 --> 01:14:34,800
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you might crash.

2354
01:14:34,800 --> 01:14:35,640
I don't know.

2355
01:14:35,640 --> 01:14:37,200
Let's go.

2356
01:14:39,980 --> 01:14:41,240
Get up, neighbor.

2357
01:14:41,240 --> 01:14:42,680
Neighbor.

2358
01:14:42,680 --> 01:14:44,880
Did you call me what I think you just called me, man?

2359
01:14:44,880 --> 01:14:46,120
Why I gotta get up?

2360
01:14:49,560 --> 01:14:50,840
Why I gotta get up?

2361
01:14:50,840 --> 01:14:52,520
Because of the color of your skin.

2362
01:14:52,520 --> 01:14:55,040
The color of my damn skin?

2363
01:14:55,040 --> 01:14:55,880
Yes.

2364
01:14:55,880 --> 01:14:58,360
The color of my skin?

2365
01:14:58,360 --> 01:15:01,320
What, what, what, what, what, what,

2366
01:15:01,320 --> 01:15:03,320
what kind of law says I have to do this?

2367
01:15:04,560 --> 01:15:05,400
Jim Crow.

2368
01:15:05,400 --> 01:15:06,280
Jim Crow's back?

2369
01:15:06,280 --> 01:15:09,640
That were reinstated by Supreme Leader Donald Trump.

2370
01:15:09,640 --> 01:15:12,760
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.

2371
01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:15,780
Trump is back, he's fucking us all up.

2372
01:15:15,780 --> 01:15:18,520
Trump is back, he's hitting on that guy.

2373
01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:21,640
He's messing everybody up, he's fucking everybody up.

2374
01:15:21,640 --> 01:15:24,880
Now we have this racism right here.

2375
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:29,160
So you still want this seat?

2376
01:15:29,160 --> 01:15:30,000
Hey!

2377
01:15:30,000 --> 01:15:31,880
That was good, that was good.

2378
01:15:31,880 --> 01:15:34,240
Oh man, I was about to do the James,

2379
01:15:34,240 --> 01:15:36,240
what's his name, they're all race shit, man.

2380
01:15:36,240 --> 01:15:39,040
James Earl, the guy that shot Martin Luther King.

2381
01:15:39,040 --> 01:15:41,600
Fuck, hold on, what's the dude that did James Vader?

2382
01:15:41,600 --> 01:15:42,440
James Earl Jones.

2383
01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:43,280
Okay, my bad.

2384
01:15:44,360 --> 01:15:46,080
James Earl Jones, when he got serious,

2385
01:15:46,080 --> 01:15:49,120
like remember Denzel Washington on the fences?

2386
01:15:49,120 --> 01:15:51,520
No, I won't sit down on this fucking seat.

2387
01:15:52,640 --> 01:15:55,040
No, my bad, get up, I won't get up.

2388
01:15:57,400 --> 01:15:58,240
What?

2389
01:15:58,240 --> 01:15:59,640
No, I'm just listening to you.

2390
01:15:59,640 --> 01:16:01,440
Oh, oh you want me to do it?

2391
01:16:01,440 --> 01:16:02,280
I don't know, yes.

2392
01:16:02,280 --> 01:16:04,880
Oh, I was just gonna be like, oh no,

2393
01:16:04,880 --> 01:16:07,040
but yeah, okay, I'm done singing,

2394
01:16:07,040 --> 01:16:08,760
just had to get that out the way I do that

2395
01:16:08,760 --> 01:16:10,560
before trauma shit happens in my life,

2396
01:16:10,560 --> 01:16:13,240
but no, I won't get up out this damn seat,

2397
01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:14,880
I won't do it right now, nah man,

2398
01:16:14,880 --> 01:16:16,760
everybody get my arm here.

2399
01:16:16,760 --> 01:16:18,400
Look at that, we ain't moving.

2400
01:16:18,400 --> 01:16:20,640
Isn't that right, bus driver?

2401
01:16:20,640 --> 01:16:21,480
You need to get off the bus.

2402
01:16:21,480 --> 01:16:23,120
I need to get off the bus, what you mean I need to get off?

2403
01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:23,960
The law demands it.

2404
01:16:23,960 --> 01:16:25,640
But you black too, partially.

2405
01:16:25,640 --> 01:16:27,120
I don't know them assholes.

2406
01:16:27,120 --> 01:16:29,040
You don't know, oh man, man, man.

2407
01:16:29,040 --> 01:16:29,880
I'm a good son.

2408
01:16:29,880 --> 01:16:30,880
Oh, alright.

2409
01:16:34,240 --> 01:16:35,920
It's a trauma, fuck.

2410
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:38,960
Alright, happy new year.

2411
01:16:38,960 --> 01:16:39,800
Happy new year.

2412
01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:40,640
Happy new year.

2413
01:16:40,640 --> 01:16:41,480
Alright.

2414
01:16:41,480 --> 01:17:09,480
I fucking hate Scrappy, dude.