This week on Clown College.
Would you mind if I touched, if I kissed, if I held you tight in the morning light?
Ow!
Would you mind if I said I felt no tenderly tonight?
Again, cause I never ever felt this way in my heart before.
Oh, love, have found this way in my heart tonight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ah, would you mind?
Welcome to Clown College, we have profound knowledge.
In many ways to elevate and make you sound polished.
So if you want to hear a little honest, few takes on the ways to make it as a comic.
Then stick around for a while if you're down to clown.
We got the guests right now just to show you how.
Let's all go to Clown College, baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.
Let's all go to Clown College, baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.
What's going on?
I'm going, I'm feeling the middle.
Top middle, top middle.
Top middle?
Dude, if I get the Zapdos CX, I'm going to be so right.
What is that?
It's one of the three legendary birds.
I already have Moltres and Articuno, which are the water and the fire type.
This is the electric type.
This is a Wonder Pick.
This is my own app.
So you think top middle?
Top middle.
You guys think that's the vibe?
You got to show them.
Top middle or what?
What are you guys feeling?
Top middle?
Is that the common one that you're going to, like is that what everybody clicks?
Guys, don't play with my feelings, man.
When I click this, if the Zapdos CX pops up.
Zapdos CX, yeah.
It's yellow.
A big yellow bird, like big bird on crack.
All right, don't look till we tell you.
Did it click it?
Yeah.
Nuh-uh.
Is it the, dude, don't play.
Brandon, who is it?
Hold on.
What color is the card, Brandon?
It's the white.
Man, you guys suck, bro.
Hey, I didn't tell you to do that.
I told you because I was like, is that the most common one?
The middle?
Does everybody pick the middle?
No, let's see.
It was bottom right.
You did?
Why did you say it, Brandon?
Because I was telling him, I was like, I even said it.
I said, wait, wait, because of the middle is the common one, you want to get the least unsuspected one.
Dang it, I should have.
Yeah, because that's what I was thinking.
Brandon, if only you had spoken up, man.
I know.
I could have completed the three legendary birds.
You would have had it, man.
Because I was like, that's too common.
You get in the common spot.
You're right, dude.
I'm just thinking my thought patterns are too generic, bro.
I got to start going outside of the box.
What happens when you get all three?
Are you able to ethically cleanse the Jodo?
The can's over.
That was good.
No, nothing happens.
Just personal satisfaction.
We can talk about something else.
Please.
What you been up to, Brandon?
Man, just living life, doing some mics, and just trying to get by.
How was your weekend?
My weekend, it was good.
It was good.
I didn't really, what did I do this weekend?
That was cool.
I didn't do nothing cool this weekend, honestly.
You said you went and watched a movie.
Holy shit, I did watch a movie, man.
Yes, the fuck I did.
I watched Wicked.
I heard that was good.
It was good, but it was long as shit.
It was three hours, man.
That's too long.
That was just part one.
Dude, it was fucked up because it's just, dude, it's a lot of racism.
Fucked up shit, man.
There was civil rights movements and everything for the animals.
Then, dude, everybody hated the green.
I'm like, dude, man.
The green what?
The witch, just because she's green.
Oh my gosh.
Dude, it felt home.
I was like, dude, this shit happens.
This is normal.
This is fucked up.
Do you think the movie was just a metaphor for life?
Like it was supposed to represent racism?
Yes.
Who are the green people in real life?
Well, it's just the witch.
The green people is, I guess, diversity in America, man.
I thought somebody else, I thought the animals were talking about it.
Oh yeah, the animals too.
The animals, because they're the animals.
The animals were the Jews.
I'm thinking witch magic.
Witch magic.
God who knows.
That is true.
No.
Did she eat any pork in the movie?
Huh?
Did she eat any pork?
No.
But hear me out, the animals though, man.
It was fucked up because they were literally teachers and professors.
Then one day they were like, we're going to take your rights and put them in cages.
Then they discriminated.
Then they had all the animals come together.
They had the activist goats that would do parties and stuff and protest.
Some of them would actually end up going missing on these protests, man.
Oh my gosh.
That was very brutal.
What the fuck?
Man, this is horrible shit.
Ariana Grande's in this movie?
Yeah.
And she did blackface?
You would think, but no.
No, man.
That's wild, man.
Is it like a, what's the rating on that movie?
Is it like a kids movie?
It is a kids movie.
Yes, it's a very kids movie.
That's rated G. I can tell you right off the bat.
You know your G movies.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, dude.
But that movie was crazy on the screen and off the screen.
I heard like she was a homewrecker.
Who?
Ariana Grande, man.
One day I think it was the person she fell in love with in the movie, they said.
Okay, so her person in the movie is who she fell in love with in real life?
Yes.
Oh, in real life.
What's wrong with that?
Well, because he had a wife with a kid on the way and everything.
It was like a whole family.
That's why I was like homewrecker, like Moe's Southern Grill.
Homewrecking.
I don't know what that means.
Oh, is that one of the menu items?
Yeah, that's like their big mac.
That's like their big mac.
That's good shit.
Yeah.
Oh, now I'm hungry, dude.
What would you rate the movie, though?
Did you enjoy it?
You liked it?
See, I enjoyed it and I thought it was a great movie.
It was just too long and listen, I know it's a musical, but there was a lot of singing.
Like a lot of.
Cut down on the singing.
Every second.
Like she's feeling, man, people getting ready to capture her and stuff.
She's like, let me sing a verse real quick.
You need to go.
That sounds like torture.
And we are planning.
That sounds like literal torture.
I know you hate musicals.
I know you're a hater, dude, but we are planning on making a clown college musical.
I just want you guys all to know that out there, I'm against this in every way, fashion,
but you know, they would have do it or do it a musical, I guess.
What do you think the story should be?
I don't give a fuck.
What story should be?
Don't look for me for anything of this.
I won't be out.
I'll act in it if you need to.
I'll even take voice and lessons and sing in it.
But I hate everything about this.
I think that's a little, you're like, I don't want anything to do with it, but I will take
private voice lessons.
I don't want to sound like shit.
Come on, man.
Have you ever heard me sing?
It's like a canary.
You want to sing right now?
We all going to sing then?
Right now?
Hell yeah.
We're going to sing a song.
We're going to sing a verse from our favorite song.
Go ahead.
What you got?
You want me to go first?
I want you to go first.
You mean put, no.
You know what?
I don't need anything.
This is a rendition of a song.
All My Life by KC and Jojo.
Let me get the mic a little bit.
Let's see.
All my life I pray for someone like you.
And I thank God that I finally found you.
All right.
That's my verse.
That was pretty good.
Pretty good?
It started off rocky.
I can hear it.
Brandon, you want me to go next?
Yes.
All right.
Pick up where you left off.
Yeah, I don't know that one.
I'll do a country classic, dude.
Neon moon.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
When the sun goes down on my side of town.
Come on.
That lonely feeling comes to my door.
I sit alone.
I don't know the rest of it.
You almost got it.
That was good.
Okay.
All right, Brandon, what you got?
All right.
Let me search the lyrics real quick.
You don't have a favorite like that.
Pull up the karaoke on YouTube.
Fire.
Dang it.
There we go.
All right.
I got you.
Damn.
What we got?
How the fuck did you?
Just put it right there.
Thank you.
Hold on.
Would you mind if I touched, if I kissed, if I held you tight in the morning light?
Ow!
Would you mind if I said I felt no tenderly tonight?
Hey.
Again.
Because I never ever felt this way in my heart before.
Oh, love, have found this way in my heart tonight.
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ow!
Would you mind?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh.
Hell yeah, Brandon.
Hell yeah.
You gave everything right there.
I think we just unlocked something.
Yeah.
Brandon, that was dope, man.
Thank you, man.
Beautiful performance.
Oh, we're going to kill this musical, dude.
We're going to kill it.
Now I'm into it.
I think we should do something historical.
Historical movie?
Okay, okay.
Hamilton was real popular.
Annie?
Uh-huh.
I think, you know, a historical...
Well, Annie's not historical.
Annie.
That's a fictional story.
Historical fiction.
Yeah.
We could do like, I don't know, some other historical leader whose name started with an
H, like Hamilton.
Oh, we could.
Does anybody come to mind?
Yeah.
He's Hannibal.
Musical version of Tears of a Clown.
Ooh.
Tears of Clown, right?
Tears of a Clown.
Tears of a Clown, and the clown is, he's a comic and a concentratist.
I'm down for it.
And I think I'm the right person.
We're the right people to do this.
It's like Hogan's Heroes, kinda.
It's like Hogan's Heroes.
You ever seen that show?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I've heard about it.
You got his jacket on.
Oh, damn.
Let's see what this is, then.
Hogan's Heroes, like not Hawk Hogan.
Oh, yeah, not Hawk Hogan.
No.
He was your hero.
No.
Or he is.
No.
Hold on.
He still is.
What the fuck is that?
I'm a big fan.
Yeah.
But that's not my favorite, like, rustler of all time.
No.
But he can still be a hero.
Yeah, he got multiple heroes.
In rustling, yes, but I don't know about now, man.
Who is your hero?
My hero.
Damn, man, let me think.
Like, what do you mean?
Like, person that I look up to?
Like, when you wake up in the morning and you think about what you want in life.
Hell, yeah.
Who do you want to model your life after?
Who do you want to be like?
Who's your personal hero?
Me.
I'm just kidding with you, man.
I don't know.
He went full Kanye.
I don't know who else could be, man.
I don't want to be like anybody, man.
I want to be unique.
No, it's not be.
Oh, I thought you were talking about like, be like.
Oh, you talking about like somebody.
Did you say be like them?
Well, I mean like model your life.
I mean, you don't have to have your entire life copied after that person.
Oh, okay.
Somebody I'd be like, oh, Joe Lewis.
Just somebody you admire.
Joe Lewis.
There you go.
Joe Lewis.
Hell, yeah, Mike Tyson, man.
Well, I mean, I mean, minus some of that, minus the cases, but.
Yeah, but everything else.
He had to come up in the, yeah, dude's powerful.
Now he's laid back and stuff.
Well, he's nice and laid back.
I think that's, I don't think that's the way to describe Mike Tyson.
Not now.
I mean, not back in the day.
Definitely not back in the day.
I saw what he said, like he said some crazy shit.
Then he said, eat children.
He said, he'll tell another man he'll fuck him.
He said, I'll fuck you till you love me.
Till you love me.
F word.
Not gonna say it.
There we go.
The icing on the cake.
Yeah.
He kept going.
Like, dude, he was crazy.
He didn't even bet somebody their off.
He also kind of talked a little crazy to that 12 year old.
Yeah, that was wild.
Dude, that was the best shit ever.
Old school Tyson.
Brandon, what does legacy mean to you?
It's dead.
It's nothing.
Nah, man, nobody gives a fuck about that, man.
The only thing I give a fuck about, I don't even know what he gives a fuck about.
Is this $20 million?
Oh yeah, yeah.
And then showing my whole ass crack on this train.
That's how you know that's a craze, man.
He knew that was like the most watched thing ever on Netflix.
He didn't give one bit of a fuck.
We all saw that.
Not one bit of a fuck.
I love it, man.
Four generations saw that ass, man.
In one room.
Yeah.
We gotta reenact that scene, Brandon.
And you're the only person that can do it.
Yeah.
You gotta wear whatever the apparatus.
I do look like I can do it.
I can do it.
Nah, I'm just kidding.
No, you do.
Actually, I could see you as Mike Tyson.
Oh, I'd do with BioPic, man.
I could see you as like Thurgood Marshall, but that movie's already been made.
Who?
Let me see.
With the Chadwick Boseman?
Dude, I know who he is.
Yes, I know Thurgood Marshall.
Why the fuck would I not?
I know, yes.
The first black Supreme Court justice.
Yes.
Come on, man.
Thurgood Marshall, man.
Thurgood.
Would you name... That's a good name to bring back.
Thurgood?
Yeah, they have all these new names.
Thurgood.
What are some of the new ones?
The new ones are like Aided.
You know, you got the... What's the new ones?
Like Decodus?
Decodus is a great name.
Kool-Aid is a great name.
Kool-Aid is a sick name.
Khaleesi.
Yeah.
I like Khaleesi.
I don't know about anybody else.
I don't mind that.
Would I name my daughter Khaleesi?
Maybe.
It sounds realistic.
Like that could come from some culture.
Yeah.
But they always go... What'd you say?
Legless.
Legless?
Legless.
That just sounded... No, Legless from Lord of the Rings.
It was Orlando Bloom played him.
The little elf dude with the bow now.
I never seen it.
You never seen it either?
Good.
Brandon, you seen Lord of the Rings?
Nope.
Let's see.
I would think you have.
Dude, yeah.
I need to, though.
I haven't.
I still got to fully watch Harry Potter.
I've watched only a couple of the movies.
I got to get to the very end.
You fuck with them?
Yeah, I fuck with them.
I'm a Hufflepuff.
Yep.
Could have called that one.
Took the test.
The Hufflepuffs are the good ones, though, right?
I think so.
They're just like... They kind of get shitted on the most.
They're like the nice people.
Okay.
Yeah, the nice ones.
That's who you are.
And you just need protected sometimes.
It's like Gryffindor is brave.
Slytherin is evil.
Ravenclaw... But badass.
Evil but badass.
Okay.
Ravenclaw is kind of intelligent, but I'm better than you type of vibe.
Oh, okay.
And then Hufflepuff, they just kind of get shitted on.
They're nice.
Oh, but damn.
Has anybody in Hufflepuff did anything of note?
They've never done anything notable.
No.
Nothing to write home about.
Damn.
Literally nobody.
The main Hufflepuff in the movies is played by Robert Pattinson, the guy that was the
newest Batman.
Yeah.
And the only thing he did, spoiler alert, I'm sorry, Brandon, all he does is die.
Damn.
That's the most notable thing he did was die.
He gave his life though.
Yeah, he did.
You know, I'm cool with the Gryffindors too, man.
But you're not.
No, I'm a Hufflepuff, but I got some of their strategic skills too.
I grew up with some of them.
How long is this test?
I don't know.
But it's like, what I do like about this one is that it's a standardized test.
It's a one website.
Everybody uses that website.
It's the official Harry Potter shit.
You know, when we found out your spirit animal, there's fucking 15 million websites with,
you know.
What was it?
It was a wolf.
Wolf.
Wolf, yeah.
But that's a good one.
So you know what's just hanging on to that.
Oh yeah, I'm staying with the wolf.
That's me.
I can see that.
I'm a wolf.
I'm a wolf, man.
Wolf, man.
That's me.
Hey, so this weekend, Brant Ernst, Ernst.
Damn.
He knows I love him, dude.
I fuck up Dave's, but Brant Ernst came to us, Levity Live, and then Scott Easton hit
us up and was like, come out.
We're going to Lone Goose.
And he was there.
And dude, when I tell you, this guy is like the comics comic.
He's, first of all, he's hilarious.
We watched him on Saturday.
We went to the Late Show that night and he did an hour and 30 minutes and it was like
really good.
Like legit.
Like he's an old school comic.
He was around, he was with Patrice, Bill Burr, his, Steve, what's his name?
The 9-11.
Ren and ZZ.
It's like, he was like that crew.
He was at the mothership.
I'm not the mothership, but the comedy store for 25 years.
He's still our regular at the comedy store.
So he was like there whenever Kramer had his little episode.
Historic moment.
And then he was telling us all kinds of stories.
We won't tell on here, but it was like, it was so cool to get like a back, a background
scene of all these like major comics that you know.
And he's, I remember him from something and I could, like when I first seen him, but this
is what's happening.
This is not happening.
That Ari Shafir had that show.
I used to watch every one of those episodes, but dude, he's so fucking cool.
And he like paid for our, and like we weren't on the show either.
Only one was on the show with Scott and he paid for our dinner later on that night when
I did it like Jack Brown's at 12 o'clock.
And then the next day we went out and he paid for all of our drinks.
He was like, he's like, headliner always pays old Italian guy, just the fucking most Italian
guy in the world.
He has a cologne guy.
Oh my God.
He literally has a cologne consultant.
Yeah.
He has a cologne consultant.
What a guy though.
Who else does that?
No, I mean, people don't, you know, comics are out here all the time.
They're never like, Hey, I want to hang out with the comics.
You guys weren't at the, we weren't even at the show the first time.
Some comics won't even buy a ticket to your show.
We're not going to say it is.
He said buzz buzz.
That was wrong.
You shouldn't have said that man.
But yeah, shout out.
That's dope.
I wish I was in town.
Oh yeah.
What were you doing?
Oh dude, I was at the Auburn Texas A&M game.
And bro, when I tell you, like I've never really noticed like when people say like American
propaganda before, but this was full blown.
Like I was ready to die for this country before this game started, man.
It was, they do the national anthem, God bless America, all that helicopter flies over the
stadium, shoots flares out.
The fireworks are going off.
It's Auburn.
Their whole thing is War Eagle.
They got a bald eagle flies over the stadium.
Its name is Independence.
I'm about to shed a tear.
It flies over the stadium.
Getting emotional right now.
And the whole time everybody's like woo and it's flying.
And then when it lands in the middle, you say War Eagle, dude.
It was tight.
It went into quadruple over time.
Auburn took home the dub.
Everybody's like storms of field.
We're getting trampled to death.
It's like Astro World.
It was sick, dude.
It was awesome.
Did you storm the field?
No, I didn't, bro.
I was tired and it was cold as hell.
But how do you get out of all those people like that are storming the field?
They're just pushing you.
You're just like getting pushed down the bleachers.
You kind of just got to, you know, you got to be the rock in the stream, bro.
You got to hold up.
Yeah.
You got to hold on to your loved ones.
It's like, I'm not going to say what I was about to say, but yeah.
Like otters.
Yeah, they're interlinked.
That way the water doesn't separate you.
Find a door.
Yeah, dude.
That was wild.
In Texas A&M, you know, they're called the Aggies.
So a lot of the Auburn fans in the student section where I was sitting had a nickname
for them who you can probably guess what that might have been.
I'm not going to say what it was.
You can do some research on your own or put two and two together.
That's common though.
They always say that whenever they play.
Oh yeah.
What's the year?
Well, I mean now, well, Texas A&M is SEC.
So they play more often than not, but Texas A&M was ranked number 15 and Auburn was not
ranked at all.
Auburn fucking sucks.
I'm sorry.
But like they're terrible.
So that was a big upset then.
Yeah, it was huge upset.
And Alabama got beat.
Alabama got the dog shit beat.
And they're out.
By Oklahoma.
Yeah.
I don't see how they're going to make it back.
And Auburn has a real chance of winning the iron bowl this year.
Like that game is always up for grabs because it's a huge rivalry and they just, each team
is playing harder.
Everybody's playing as hard as it possibly can.
But yeah, shit's crazy.
Do you guys ever think about space and shit?
I try not to.
Yeah, I do.
Black holes.
You like black holes?
Oh yeah dude.
Especially black holes.
I be thinking about that shit sometimes too.
Me too.
When you want to know more information about something, who do you turn to?
It's hard to find a reliable source.
It is.
But you know, Mike, GBT always has your back.
You know?
Always.
Let's check it out.
Hell yeah.
We got some skits.
Oh, devil.
A black hole M3861, I'm just giving the name, but that's the name of the black hole that's
in the center of our galaxy.
A black hole is intelligent enough to keep the galaxy spinning, but it's also powerful
enough if it wanted to eat this motherfucker up.
Now with that being said, the galaxy is what keeps everything organized.
We're in the Milky Way galaxy.
It spins at a rate of 2.1 million miles per hour traveling through the universe.
And the earth in which we sit, which is on one of the spirals of the galaxy, we're in
between what they call the sweet spot.
We're in between two star ranges.
Now with that area being our position from the sun, we're in the position where we have
life because we have water, the temperature, the solar waves, and as well the activity
of the black hole.
It keeps everything alive.
I'm going to tell you something about the black hole.
Around the black hole is called event horizon.
It captures light.
It's the strongest force known to mankind.
Now after it passes event horizon, it goes down the spiral tunnel, which is to me leading
to the fourth dimension, wherever that is.
I think when you pass away, that's where your soul goes to.
Because the soul is light, right?
Event horizon catches light, right?
Catch your ass and take it out to the tunnel.
Now you've seen your aunties, uncles and shit down the tunnel.
Now you suck your head back up.
Now you back alive.
Now you tell them off of what you saw on the other side because you went down the black
hole.
I believe him.
Me too.
I believe every word and I endorse it 100%.
I hope this goes viral and he gets put in peer reviewed scientific books.
I hope that he's on Trump's cabinet.
The head of the space force.
It's entirely possible.
Imagine going to like a, I don't know what they're called.
I'm sure there's a military term for it, but when like some big admiral general starts
talking and everybody has to go listen or something at some conference.
Speech?
Yeah, something like that.
Like we're like a public oration, you know?
I hope Mike sales gets to do that for the United States military.
Dude, do they still do Ted talks?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, I'm sure they do.
The thing is I can only remember like one Ted talk.
Me too.
And it was about the guy who had down syndrome and then ran the iron man race or like the
marathon.
He was talking.
I don't really remember that oil.
But Nick, Chris Nick, I think that's his name.
That was dope.
And I watched that for a class.
We also had to play wheelchair basketball in.
And that was tight.
That sounds tight.
Wheelchair basketball is fun.
And the next clown college basketball game will be wheelchair edition.
That's better for me.
I was so tired, dude.
So fucking tired.
Bryce was so tired, you could tell at the end when he's talking to Pat.
He's just like, he had it buttoned up to the top button.
He was restricting his airflow.
Oh shit.
I was watching that episode, man, and I was so happy with the sci fi and Jack's reaction
when Brandon busted that through.
Man, it was fucking perfect.
So good.
I'm still mad about it.
Brandon, I'm going to be honest, I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
I didn't know you were going to ball out in that manner.
I told you, man.
It was crazy.
I told you, man.
I'm full of surprises.
You never know what you're going to get.
I mean, that much is true.
Box of chocolate.
It's always a mystery.
That's the saying.
That's what they say.
I mean, it's paraphrasing, but it's a saying.
I'm proud of you, Brandon.
Thank you, man.
But I will tell you, it's like this.
Next time, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going
to be like, I'm going to get in shape, we're going to do it.
That's one reason why I'm doing it.
You're motivating me to be healthy.
That motivates me to healthy too now.
I'm going to get in shape too.
I'm gonna try to gain as much weight as possible.
That's way too much weight for jedeing, wanting to keep going.
If I were fucking rainier, it was a weapon in my pocket.
as much weight as possible.
I'm gonna try to become obese by the next Clown College game.
That'd be tight.
That'd be so sick.
Rob McAhinney and Sonny in Philadelphia, season seven.
Let's go.
Dude, but there are, when you go to like a court,
there is one big dude that's just nasty, bro.
Oh, yeah. Every single time.
If there's enough people in the gym,
there's one heavier set dude that has crazy post moves.
He's passing, he can just score any time he wants.
It's just like, it is a weird phenomenon.
Yeah.
I mean, if you big and you have,
like some big people are, they can use their weight.
They're comfortable with that weight at their size.
Like you could be 350 pounds, but you can move with it.
You know? Yeah.
What the fuck can you do with somebody that big?
If you're shifty and big, that's unfair.
Yeah. It's just weird.
It's like, oh my gosh, it's like he's glitching.
Yeah.
Weird.
I've had a big dude make me fall on my ass
one time with a basketball, man.
What happened?
He crossed me.
Oh, he crossed you up?
He did the, whoa, but you know what he did?
He cheated, man.
Dude, I hate when they do this, man.
So what they do is when they cross you up,
they kind of tap your foot a little bit
and then you just go crumbling down.
Everybody in there, oh shit.
So he like pushed off you with his foot?
Yeah. Yeah, in a way.
Like a little technique that nobody can see.
He got you in the Achilles heel.
Basically, man.
Basically.
You'll get him next time.
I don't know this man.
I haven't seen him in about 10 years.
I think 10 or 11.
No, he might be dead, Brandon.
So you might have won in the long run.
Maybe.
Would you remember his face if you saw it?
No, man, dude, he has to look
like a whole different person now, man.
It's like everybody that I knew back then
looked so different now, man.
It looked-
Do you remember his smell?
No, wait a minute, do I?
No, no.
Sometimes I would, but no, I don't remember this dude.
You don't remember his smell?
No, man.
But sometimes I can.
Like I remember this one dude,
like I couldn't eat hamburgers for a week
because he smelled like a fucking burger
and it was horrible.
He smelled like a hamburger?
Yeah, he was musty.
It was very bad.
Hamburgers kinda smell good.
No, but this one-
A Whopper, he smelled like a Whopper, didn't he?
Yes, man, dude, a fucking Whopper,
like a burnt Whopper.
Yep, when all the onions and you leave it in the car,
you come back, that's exactly what
a musty motherfucker smells like.
Yes, and it was horrible.
Brandon, come here.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
You be the only one who know what I'm saying
when I say that shit.
I don't think that's something you want to be proud of.
Dude, musty people smell like fucking Whoppers, dude.
Okay, what I'll do, I'll go to Burger King
and then I'll leave, I'll take like,
you can even eat the sandwich
and then just leave the wrapper out in here
and you come in here and you be like,
it smells like somebody's fucking musty.
I like that we're getting into science.
Dude, it is a science, man.
Doing experiments.
It's something about the onions mixed with the charlbrough.
I'll take your word for it.
It's something about it.
With the mayonnaise and such.
Very nasty.
Like that or something that's like a real homemade burger
that your mom would make that's just ugh.
You know what I mean?
Like those homemade ones.
Onions and green peppers in it.
Big, thick ass onions.
Thick ass patties and shit.
Aw, man.
Like, want that shit?
Yeah.
Like, you think it'd be better that it's homemade,
but I don't know.
See, that's my thing.
Why people are like,
oh, there's nothing like a good home cooked meal.
It's like, no, bro.
Shit is ass.
Compared to like, dude, a Panda Express plate, bro?
You're crazy.
I mean, if you have somebody cook you some home cooked
Chinese food, like I'm pulling that Alex Z here.
Like so.
I should do that.
You should, man.
And then like, I guarantee it's way better than.
I guarantee you there's not an Asian person
within 15 miles of my house.
Oh, of course not.
There's no way.
I'm gonna try to get a chicken
that's from the France Festival.
And if there was, it'd be like a Richard Berry
type individual.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Shout out, Richard Berry.
I love Richard Berry.
Let me give him a applause.
My favorite comedian.
Yeah, I would leave.
And then edit the shit.
Get him to AI edit the shit.
That was just good.
That was good.
I had a family that could cook growing up.
So I am a little bit biased.
We were a fast food family.
Poor, poverty.
What was your grandparents go to meal?
Like if she was gonna cook?
I don't think my grandfather ever cooked
a single thing in his life.
Boss.
Not gonna lie.
When I was playing baseball,
we had this thing where like all the parents
had to take turns working the concession stand.
And they put him on the grill.
And I think he burnt everything.
To the point where they no longer put him
in the rotation.
And then my grandma like watery spaghetti.
That's the go to.
So did she mix the spaghetti with the sauce?
Yeah, I mean, it was an earnest attempt.
I mean, it was like not purposefully
just throwing some stuff together.
But like, you know, she tried.
It was just.
The noodles weren't drained in the right way.
Or maybe the can of the sauce,
maybe it was just too liquidy.
Not enough viscosity, I guess.
I don't know what was going on.
Yeah, something like that.
You gotta cook that down before you add it to the noodles.
Yeah, it's just like if you put the plate on your bed
and then you went and lay down on the bed
and it dipped like there's liquid coming off the plate.
You know what I'm talking about?
And then it smells weird.
And then you're just like, fuck, dude.
And then you gotta piss and you didn't get something
to drink and it's a nightmare, dude.
Just crumbles.
That is hard.
So you hate it whenever it was spaghetti time.
It happened last week, dude.
It happened last week.
My mom couldn't cook that much,
but she could cook two things really well.
And that's fried rice and goddamn pot roast,
but that's in the crock pot.
Chinese fried rice?
Yeah, yeah, she could.
Yeah.
And then this thing called brown spaghetti.
It's really easy to make, but it's so good.
It's poor people food.
It's like you take, I swear to God,
you just brown some ground beef, right?
Make some spaghetti noodles.
And then in the ground beef, you put gravy,
great gravy packets, put a little Szechuan sauce in there
and some sugar.
I swear to God, and it's good.
I still eat it.
I make it to this day.
But why is it called brown spaghetti?
That's what it is, dude.
It's just brown and spaghetti?
Yeah, it's brown spaghetti.
I fuck with that.
Yeah.
It's Jamaican food.
German Jewish mom.
But yeah, that was before she was Jewish.
So this was just straight-
Before the Passover.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Monica.
I'm gonna be honest, my mom, she was a good cook.
Like we're going tag team on Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna make the mac and cheese, told you, best.
Hell yeah.
Look at me when you say it.
Don't fucking look away.
Number one, the best.
Don't fucking look away when you say it.
The best.
Okay.
Around.
Nothing ever gonna bring me down.
Singing, man.
Let's go.
Let's go, baby.
Hey, we're both making a big pan.
And we gotta make it after Christmas
because people are gonna be macaroni and cheat,
well, black people will be.
They won't even know what this is.
He won't even know what this is.
Like, this is mac and cheese?
But we'll make it.
We gotta make a pan and all the comedians taste it.
And then they give their grade without knowing
who's whose whose.
All right?
This is a good idea.
I would like some requirements on the people
that are judging the mac and cheese.
You gotta be over 200.
See, but I think smaller people.
Because we got enough of them.
Yeah.
I mean, a couple.
But I think smaller people appreciate taste more
because big people, like if you give it to Pat,
it's just food.
Damn.
It's like the people that say all women are beautiful.
It's like, no, they're not.
No, they're not.
Shut up.
But they're not all created equal.
Not all mac and cheeses are created equal, bro.
They're not.
They're very different.
And it's all preference too.
Because I know people who like soupy mac and cheese.
You know what I'm saying?
It's creamier.
Soupy, no.
But creamy, yes.
I like creamy but baked.
Yeah.
So yeah, right?
So it's like.
The contrast, the texture.
But the thing about baking, how you can fuck it up,
is make it too dry.
And that's the key.
And that's why people, I got the secret ingredient.
I don't know if you have it in yours,
but we'll find out.
We'll see.
So it has to be creamy when it's baked, dude.
So this is Thanksgiving.
I'm getting riled up.
This is my favorite holiday.
I just want you guys to know.
This is my favorite holiday.
When it comes to Thanksgiving
and I'm in charge of a dinner for anybody,
it's gonna be rotisserie chicken and crab mac and cheese.
And Hawaiian rolls.
I would leave.
I would be actually angry at you.
And leave.
I'm giving you a heads up.
I'm gonna roll them.
Yeah.
Not the crab.
You guys didn't get the Hawaiian rolls?
Hawaiian rolls are fire.
They are fire.
Dude, I made a sandwich out of Hawaiian rolls the other day.
I got like four of them
and I just cut them through the middle.
You cut through the middle?
Yeah.
And then just put the turkey cheese, some sauces.
They do that at Publix.
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
They got the rolls there.
Yeah.
And we'll make like the,
we'll use the pretzel bun they got or the normal one.
Damn, okay.
I do, I like Publix regular bread though.
Me too.
That's a good bread.
Like in the sub?
Yeah.
That's a good bread right there.
Which breads y'all get for your subs?
White.
White, me too.
It ain't white.
The right answer.
I don't agree with that part.
But yeah, the bread,
cause it's like you get that whole grain of wheat.
I'll be honest, that Subway bread is bullshit.
It is.
It's cake.
I'm not a big fan of it.
That's not classified as bread.
It's cake, isn't it?
Yeah, it's cake, sugar.
The only thing I like from Subway is the meatball sub,
which it is, it's better than Publix meatball sub.
It's better than,
the only one that's not better than is Firehouse.
Firehouse has a better meatball sub.
Firehouse has good subs.
But like most meatball subs that go around and taste,
I'm like, I base it off, is it better than Subway?
And Firehouse is the only one so far.
Yeah.
I always get the Jared meal.
Jared.
From Subway.
Well your mustache says it.
It still got that?
The Jared from Subway meal.
Let me search this up.
This is crazy.
They still.
Oh yeah, you're right.
Listen up, you never know what's gonna pop up, man.
Never know.
It's not associated with Subway.
The Pub sub is my favorite sub, man.
Pub sub.
That's hard to beat, bro.
What comes on the Pub sub?
I'm just saying any Pub sub.
Oh, okay.
Like that's my favorite place to go get a sub.
Yeah, just go get a sub, yeah, yeah.
It's definitely, if I want meat,
cause they got boar heads meat.
The hot honey chicken tender sub.
It's hard to beat, bro.
It's hard to beat.
That hot honey sauce, dude,
it'll make you feel something.
It does.
Yeah, it'll make you feel something.
It makes you tingle.
They also got,
it's like a JW's rotisserie chicken,
but it's barbecue rotisserie chicken.
And like, it's good as fuck, bro.
They have the sliders pre-made in the deli.
Barbecue rotisserie chicken.
It's good, you don't think it would,
it sounds, you know, like, hmm.
It sounds good, barbecue rotisserie.
It's good as fuck, dude.
It's so good.
I know what you're talking about,
because they do make, it's the sweet bees
that they make with the little sliders.
It's nice, bro.
Very good, I had that the other day.
It was perfect.
A little, if you want something quick and fast from Subway,
I know what we're saying, we don't like Subway,
but they have those little slider things,
and they're like cheap.
I haven't had one of those.
They're like $2 or something.
And like, if you eat two of them, you're good.
Yeah, but the Subway,
and I know Brandon will know all about this.
The Subway cookies, though.
Oh yeah.
So good.
Raspberry cheesecake, macadamia nut,
double chocolate chunk, shout out Big Justice,
and chocolate chip.
Hey, you guys see the Rizzler on AEW, though?
Yes.
Jackson is that.
I was hyped up on that.
I love how they have to zoom the camera in so much,
because he's like a third of the height of everybody else.
The Rizzler, dog, I like this guy.
I like them.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I like them.
That's called pedophilia, though.
No, no, not like that.
What?
No, no.
No, I'm not.
I'm talking about the whole Justice League they got.
That's what they call it, the Justice League?
That's pretty sick.
I didn't know that's what they called it.
I don't know if they are, I just imagine.
Dude, you need to trademark that now, bro.
We gotta get the Justice League
in the Clown College studio.
Dude, I would love them.
I really do like them.
I like the whole thing.
I mean, I'm not mad at it,
but what I don't understand is like,
Big Justice and his dad do the same dance in every video.
Yeah.
And it's just, I don't, you know,
the replay value is sparse.
I mean, consistency, yes.
Now, I don't follow anybody and like watch whatever,
like whoever has viral clips or whatever.
I don't look at any of them,
only when it pops up on my Twitter.
And every time they pop up on my Twitter,
I watch every single video.
And at first I was like, I hate this.
And I was like, and then like the second video,
I was like, I'm supposed to hate this, but why don't I?
And then I'm like, I'm all in.
It's because the blue light brain rot
is getting to you, dude.
Do you think that's what it is?
It's affecting us all.
In combination with the Red 40
and the fluoride and the water supply,
RFK is waging a war on that now.
Oh, you and Brad would have had a good time.
I'll just tell you that now.
You guys would have had a great time.
It's true, man.
I was listening to this podcast on the way here
and this guy was talking about,
or these two guys were talking about how,
I don't know if we can say this on YouTube,
but Netanyahu sent Shino Abe, the Shinzo.
Shinzo, they sent him,
or they gave him a pair of shoes with ice cream in it.
Like something weird.
Back in the day?
Right before he died.
Oh.
He was the prime minister of Japan
and that guy put that gun together
with duct tape and paper towel rolls and shit
and killed him.
Yeah.
Yeah, right before, a little bit before that,
Netanyahu gave him the ice cream with the shoes in it.
I don't really know what that was supposed to represent.
There was ice cream, just like a scoop of ice cream
or was it wrapped up like a ice cream?
I think it was just a scoop and a shoe.
Scoop and a shoe.
I think it was a scoop and a shoe.
Or was it ice creams?
Those are, those were,
because that was a brand that was like.
Oh.
I think it was regular, generic shoe, you know,
and just ice cream in there.
They gave it to him.
I don't know what it means.
Well, he got shot like,
what are you saying, next day, next week?
Damn.
Within, honestly, I don't know.
Probably within a month or two.
That's pure speculation though.
I wasn't.
And he has a, he has a hit out on his head, right?
What's the Israel dude name?
Netanyahu.
He is.
Warrant out by the ICJ.
He's doing war crimes and they're trying to get him, right?
Somebody is.
Who's trying to get him?
The ICJ? Look up, look up, look up.
Don't ask me how to spell this either, Brandon.
The ICJ?
What's his name?
Yeah, it doesn't mean.
Netanyahu.
So, ICJs?
It's actually really funny, because.
Hey, quick question.
Did they know what flavor the ice cream was?
Mm.
If I had to guess.
That's him.
What are you guessing?
Pistachio.
That's what I was thinking.
I just didn't want to say it.
I mean, I don't,
cause I don't know.
It might have been pistachio.
Why do you think it's pistachio?
I don't know, because I was like.
That's a good ice cream though.
Are you gonna waste that and put it in this shit?
I love pistachio.
They did disrespect on cars too with it though.
You remember what they, you remember what made her?
Yeah, I can't believe they did that, dude.
That's bullshit.
It filled me in.
Dude, so. They shit on it.
So what happened was, they gave him some ice cream.
He's like, ooh, ice cream.
And then when they said it was pistachio,
he was like, oh no, and acted a fool
and was trying to get his tongue all out
and started licking the waterfall.
And they did the same thing in SpongeBob.
Bullshit.
It's over pistachio ice cream.
They're giving it a bad name.
It's over pistachio.
Yeah.
It's racism to ice cream, man.
Yeah.
Yeah, cause it's green.
Yeah, wicked.
It all ties back.
It's not really bad.
You should make a PSA about that.
I'm dead serious.
You should make a PSA about all this slander
that's been going on to pistachio ice cream.
Dude, let's do it.
Because it's not bad.
It's actually very good.
It's better than almost any ice cream.
Come on now.
Sweet and savory.
You're passionate about this.
Yeah.
It's good ice ice cream.
It's not my favorite, but I'm not mad at it.
How you gonna eat pistachio
and say you don't like pistachio ice cream?
Talk to him.
That's bullshit, man.
That's bullshit.
Somebody's lying.
Somebody is lying, man.
You either don't like pistachios
or you just wanna be in the fucking trend
that's happening now.
You know what I mean?
It's fucked up, too.
Everybody talking about,
oh man, pistachios and shit.
Man, get the fuck out of here.
Get the fuck out of here.
It's group think, bro.
Yeah, nobody wants to be an individual anymore.
I would eat a whole tub of that thing right now,
proudly in front of all of y'all.
I mean, you don't have to do a public display.
I'm just saying, man.
I get it.
Fuck.
That shit is good.
Yeah.
Pistachio is not my favorite, but it's decent.
I'm glad you're on board.
I'm on board all the way.
It might be my favorite
because I don't eat ice cream that much,
but when I do, I'm always looking for a flavor like that.
It's hard to find.
You can't even find it anywhere.
I know.
I like coffee ice cream, man.
Ooh.
Coffee ice cream is good.
I like that, too.
Jax, they got the best little shake right there
with the mocha stuff, like the coffee and chocolate.
They come together with the chocolate chips.
I like that.
Chunks, man.
It's so good.
But some people like to fucking put too much milk in it
and make it all water and shit.
What type of people?
You like it thick.
Lazy ass people.
Yeah, make it thick as fuck, man.
Make that shit, baby.
You want the straw to break when you're trying to close in.
A mullet.
Well, you gotta get a spoon and the paper spoon breaks.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like that type of thing.
So you want a Blizzard.
Yeah, or maybe a custard.
A Blizzard with a big enough straw
that you can suck all the giblets down with it.
Yes, or maybe we could do a custard, too.
Like you ever been to Freddy's?
Mm-hmm.
Yep, that.
That's nice.
That's sick right there.
Who has the best shake that you guys have had?
What a question, dude.
Damn, man.
What a question.
I like shakes now.
Purely fast food or any restaurant?
Yeah, let's go with something
that's accessible to everybody.
Okay, I will say Chick-fil-A makes a decent shake.
Really?
Yeah, they do.
It's good.
Like it's like if you want a classic chocolate,
vanilla, or strawberry,
Chick-fil-A's not gonna disappoint you.
Okay, okay.
But if you want more of like a specialty
or like a more variety of flavors,
I would say the Chick-fil-A.
Mm-hmm.
Honestly, Handles has pretty good fucking milkshakes, dude.
I don't know what Handles is.
Me neither, I don't.
They got one over there by Kroger in Madison
by the Buffalo Wild Wings.
Okay.
And then they got one in Jones Valley on Four Mile Post.
It might be just a Alabama thing, though, right?
Probably.
No, I think it's a Nashville thing.
Oh, it is?
Fun fact, here's some Handles trivia for you, dude.
The last owner of Handles before the current one in Madison,
I don't know, it's like right there by the Buffalo Wild Wings
with Kroger and all that shit.
Yeah, about it.
He got kinda canceled and Handles was closed
for like a year, like a little under a year
because he said some unsavory things about the blacks.
What'd he say?
On Facebook.
I think he said Hard-R.
On the Facebook.
Oh, really?
He went Hard-R on Facebook.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, and then they replaced him with black owners.
Hell yeah.
Pretty sick, dude.
Hell yeah.
At first I was about to be like, nevermind, man,
I don't want this milkshake, but hell yeah, that comeback.
He ain't hanging it himself, you know, fuck that dude.
Yeah.
What the fuck was he bitching about anyway?
I don't know, man.
It was during COVID, I think towards the beginning of COVID,
he is, I don't know if it was from recent
or they went back and found some shit from back in the day,
but either way, you know what I mean,
he was ragging on black people.
Fucked up.
About something, I don't know what it was.
Probably had some people quit on him.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Pussy.
Went straight online.
Yeah, didn't do it.
This is why I say, I hate the new racists.
They wanna be online.
I love my racists to talk shit
because then you could put bleeding on their brain
or whatever, or nothing.
It could be nothing.
Maybe you're outnumbered and nothing happened,
but you know, it's always the risk
and they know that risk and I respect them way more.
Yes.
Way more.
And if it was a black owner and it was about white people,
they would have just told them to their face
like they should.
Yeah, yeah.
Have you ever seen the This Is For Rachel video?
This is for Rachel, you big fat white smelling,
nasty ass bitch, why you took me off the motherfucking schedule.
Yes, I love that.
That's the best video of all time.
Brad, look at that.
That's the best shit.
Just look up This Is For Rachel.
We'll just play a little bit of it
because it is the longest show.
It is so good, dude.
It's so good.
What did you have to try for that?
This message lasts two minutes.
This is for Rachel, you big fat white, nasty smelling,
fat bitch, why you took me off the motherfucking schedule
with your trifling, dirty, white, racist ass,
big fat bitch, oompa loompa, body ass bitch.
I'm coming up and I'm going to beat the fuck out of you, bitch.
And don't even call the police today
because I'm going to come up unexpected
and wait on your motherfucking ass bitch.
I'm coming to beat the fuck out of you, bitch.
Because you did that on purpose with your Andriy racist white ass.
See her, bitch?
Watch, I'm coming up to fuck you up, bitch.
I'm telling you, watch.
I know what kind of car you drive.
I'm going to wait on you and I'm going to beat your ass, bitch.
Because I'm going to show you not to play with Jasmine
Collins' money, bitch.
That's the first thing you did.
And you got me fucked up because bitch,
I told you what the fuck was going on.
You white motherfuckers hate to see black people doing good
or doing good or doing anything for their motherfucking self.
Ugly, sad, white bitch.
Watch, I'm telling you, I'm coming up
to beat your motherfucking ass.
See her smelling white dog smelling ass bitch.
Watch, I'm going to fuck you up because you got me fucked up.
I'm going to sit up there and try to do that old Andriy ass shit.
Bitch, you with Andriy the first day I came up there
talking about a bitch that had on pajamas with you walking around her
in some $10 ass jeans on.
Dirty, dusty, white bitch.
Get up there behind that counter, smell them like cheese, bitch.
Stinky, fat, white ass.
Bitch, you going to not try to answer this phone?
I'm coming to fuck you up.
I'm telling you.
You better remember who I am because bitch,
you going to run when you see me because I'm coming to fuck you up, bitch.
Want to sit around and play with me about my motherfucking money?
Want to play about my motherfucking money?
Bitch, you going to sit around trying to do that?
Bitch, you know what I'll do? You know.
Dude.
She is the David Goggins of the fast food industry.
That's crazy as hell.
I love her.
What jobs was that?
I love how she says bitch.
What restaurant?
That nasty white bitch.
I'm guessing Wendy's.
I don't know what it was.
The fuck for Wendy's?
But I feel like it was Wendy's for some reason.
Go to Walmart, man.
What the fuck?
More money.
Yeah, well, it's probably Rachel over there being a bitch.
Wet dogs.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't know.
I don't know what happened.
I love that.
You just can't mess with Jasmine Collins money, man.
That's the fucking funny.
That's the first one.
Do you know what that reminds me of?
You remember that Steve Harvey joke where he was talking about Willie getting fired?
Where he was talking about how white people and black people
with getting fired?
That's what it was.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, with Willie.
Where Willie's like, oh, you don't mess with Willie and stuff, throwing shit everywhere.
Like arrested him.
And what'd he say?
He said the other one was like, I was going to quit anyway.
Right?
Wait, no, I think he was like, he was just like, oh, Father Joseph,
what am I going to tell Willa Nena or something like that?
He was just like, oh, no.
But Willie was all like, oh, fuck that shit, bitch.
You got me fucked up.
Tore up the place.
They had to get the police and stuff.
It was a little funny.
That's good shit.
Damn.
But we should continue on this dessert stuff, man.
What's your favorite milkshake?
Milkshakes.
What's your favorite milkshake?
It is Thanksgiving.
And we got to get everybody hungry, right?
Yeah.
So what's your favorite milkshake?
Oh, OK.
So my favorite milkshake will always be a strawberry milkshake.
And I don't know where to find them, but I guess Chick-fil-A, I don't ever go there.
So but.
D-Shake.
Yeah.
But the best one I've had is that Cookout and it's the peach cobbled one.
The only downside is that it is it does get too chunky sometimes.
You can't you can't get it through the straw.
But the taste of that is just amazing.
And three homeless people will knock on your window.
Oh, yeah.
Five dollars.
Without a doubt.
So I want collapse out there, man.
I'm very worried because it was like almost 100 degrees.
Still was on the floor.
I was like, what should he?
Did you get out and help him?
I didn't know what to do, man.
So that's a no.
No.
I think he got up, though.
You got to ask him if he wanted a peach cobbler shake.
No, I didn't get the peach cobbler shake.
I got the mint shake.
OK.
That's good.
Cookout does have like 40 flavors.
Do they got 40 flavors?
They do.
I like they have a great cappuccino milkshake.
That's fire.
Butterfinger shake.
I like I like shit with some mix ins in it.
Give me a candy shake.
Reese's.
You like Sonics, don't you?
Sonic Blast is fire.
First of all.
Sonic has a Sonic Blast.
The large is like this fucking big, dude.
It's a gallon of ice cream in a cup, man.
It is $9, but I've crushed some of those, dude.
I've been in that place before.
And it's a pretty good place to be.
I love it.
I don't like the other.
What you're describing is the worst one to me.
You like little M&Ms and stuff like that?
Well, M&M's not my favorite, but Reese's,
like a Reese's cup blended up into vanilla ice cream.
Bro.
So good, dude.
You guys would be so mad at me.
I worked at Dairy Queen from like when I was 16 till I was 21,
on and off jail and college.
Whatever I had in that thing.
And I never once ate a Blizzard or anything.
The only thing I would eat from the front,
because I was a cook, is a cherry dip cone.
A small cherry dip cone once in a while.
That's the Red 40 addiction.
Yeah, it might have been.
Yeah, I don't know.
I would be 500 pounds if I was a Dairy Queen.
Oh, me too, man.
That'd take you a lot.
I'd always give me a little.
Do you get free ice cream?
Hm?
You get free ice cream?
I mean.
You can just make it.
Not technically, but you get like half off of your lunch.
But they throw away shit like they fuck up shit all the time.
They'll be like, the people up there making the Blizzard's
be like, I made a wrong, anybody want to Reese's Blizzard?
Me and Brandon be fighting.
Oh, yeah.
I'd always be stepping up to the plate for that, man.
He'd be like, this is your fifth one.
If somebody asked him.
I think I know how you got that job at Dairy Queen, dude.
How was that?
A lot of those franchisees are of Indian heritage.
No.
These are actually two older white people.
And I love them.
They love me.
They love black people.
They love black males.
And both of them, I swear to God.
But they used to treat the workers, the white girls.
Because they would only hire 16-year-olds.
Yeah.
They would only hire 16.
If you stayed there long, that just
means you've been there that long.
And then Rue, she was cutthroat.
She'd be like, you dumb motherfucker.
I'm talking hard.
And while customers, it'll be a fucking line out the door.
And she'll be getting in this 16-year-old girl's head.
Do you have a drive-thru too?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Throwing stuff.
But they were cool.
I loved them.
Yeah, old Ruth and Tom.
My ultimate goal is to open up a Guthrie's.
That shit's old.
Nothing would make me happy.
Talk to your boy that came out and talked to us at Coleman.
Yeah, but I want you guys to be able to come.
Without being in immediate danger.
It's very weird.
Gosh, man.
But Guthrie's doesn't have milkshakes.
That's the one knock I have on them, man.
No desserts.
Yeah.
No desserts at all.
It does Canes and whatever the other one is like.
Zaxby's has dessert.
Oh, yeah.
One of the best.
Zaxby's used to have milkshakes.
Yeah.
That's actually my favorite.
Like their birthday cake when they had a fallen soldier.
That used to be huge.
And then they got rid of that.
Dude, Zaxby's went downhill, bro.
I'm going to take this stance right now.
Fuck Zaxby's.
And if you like Zaxby's, fuck you.
Yeah, I might just have Zaxby's out.
Hold on.
Yeah, I was going to say, Zaxby's not a bad option
when you're out there on the street.
Shriveled up ass chicken fingers.
Damn.
That shit, no.
Why are you ordering chicken fingers?
There's better options.
What else are you going to get at Zaxby's, man?
Chicken sandwich?
Wings?
Salad?
There's better options.
Ever since Zaxby's and Mr. Beast got together.
Is Mr. Beast the reason?
That pedophile?
He's a pedophile?
I don't know.
He's a chocolate bar.
Well, let's say that.
I mean, he probably has 100 kids in an abandoned mall
right now for a challenge.
Stand on business, JJ.
Yeah, fuck.
He's a pedophile.
He's going to take our channel down because we called him out.
But his candy bars are pretty good.
The Feastable candy bars.
You don't like them?
It tastes like Easter chocolate to me.
Like, just generic.
Oh, yeah.
It's like the Russell Stover, just generic ass shit.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah.
I had the one that was like the milk crunch.
So like the crunch bar.
It has like the little like rice crispies in it.
I liked that.
That was good.
But I didn't try any of the other ones.
I refuse to buy any of that shit.
I heard the cookies were ass.
But you could win $50,000.
I couldn't give a fuck.
You could win $50,000 and a lot of shit.
I'll tell you what, you can't win it in as prize picks.
All that shit does, unless they want to sponsor them
and their shit.
But all I have ever done was lost money.
I put $100 in there at first.
They give you $50 when you put in your initial, right?
I'm going to just play with it, do $10 bets.
But they're all parlay, so it's so hard to hit a parlay.
And then you put a three one in, you can only win like $20.
And it's like there's no reason.
So you put the fourth one in there
so you can win like $100 in every time
that shit fucking never fails.
And then people will show you their shit and look,
I won $850.
Yeah, but how much did you lose before you won that $850?
Don't fucking bullshit me.
I've been a degenerate gambler before,
alcoholic and drug addict.
I'm just kidding.
Gambling is just not something I can get into.
Same, it's dangerous for me.
It'll be a very dark road for me.
It's bad.
And plus, if you're like Drake, yeah, gambling makes sense.
Yeah, it's fun.
Bet a million dollars on the thing that makes sense.
Who are you going to bet, the 60-year-old man
or the young guy?
Yeah.
He's also not betting his money.
He's working with the betting company who gives him
like a million.
I never thought about that.
Yeah, that's how those online streamers, that's
how they don't gamble any of their money.
That's just free money then.
I think Steve will do it probably,
spends half his life savings every time he goes to the casino.
Has he?
Or Dana White will give him some money to play with.
Dana White, he talks about his gambling.
He actually has like a little system,
but I don't believe when people say that.
I just don't believe it's possible to have
a system in anything where chance has to come
into play for you to win.
Yeah, they talk about like counting cards and shit,
which I don't know how you do that.
You probably got to be really great with math
to be able to do that.
There's this guy who's like a gambling influencer
but is actually like a pro gambler.
His name's Mickey something.
I don't know, but he's like World Series of Poker guy,
like legit gambler.
And he explains all these crazy stories
and he gets kicked out of casinos all the time
because he just knows what to do, knows how to win.
And yeah, I don't know how.
But yeah, but then in that case,
counting cards is a thing, that's the actual skill.
And then you get banned from the casino
once they realize that you're counting cards.
Which that kind of sucks.
Well, yeah, but they don't take your earnings before that.
You were counting and they just ban you.
You can't come back here, man.
We know you're counting.
I think I would just be a slot demon.
I'd be on the slot machine with the old people
hitting the fucking screen like this,
which I don't know what that does, but it looks fun.
It is fun, but they take my money fast.
I don't know how to control myself and not push max bet.
You know what I'm saying?
It's a penny slot, but somehow I'm spending $5 each turn.
I don't know how I'm doing it, but I got to.
I just want to do the one where it's like the old timey one
where the actual quarters start flying out of the machine.
That would be so sick.
That would be tight.
Oh, Jake's dream.
Dude, did y'all hear about these?
It's happened multiple times too.
When people hit the jackpots on these slot machines
and then they're like, oh, it malfunctioned.
And then they don't give them the money.
That's fucked up.
That is very fucked up.
I've seen it in the news multiple times.
I would be so mad.
I mean, that would bring me into a fit of rage.
You know, you can't do nothing.
I mean, they probably got big dogs to fuck you up real good.
You know what I'm saying?
So it's not like you're going to muscle your way,
but I would try every legal recourse I could have.
It's kind of bullshit.
They gave one of them, I swear to God.
They gave one of them one like a million dollars,
let's say on the slot.
Maybe more than that.
And then they gave her a steak dinner,
a coupon for a steak dinner at their casino.
Fuck that.
And she really never got the money.
And then she's going to be like pissing the steak.
Like, he's not going to be good.
Fuck.
Seen they do that on purpose.
I don't know, but I feel like even if it is a malfunction,
you still should get the money.
I think so too.
But what makes it a malfunction?
Exactly.
I don't fucking know.
That you won, it's like you're actually
not supposed to be able to win.
Yeah, you're not meant to win.
Something happened, I don't know.
Yeah.
That sucks, man.
People that own casinos be like, I don't do it.
Because inside, no, not meant for that.
Brandon, have you ever made a bet before?
No, man, I don't believe in gambling, man.
I studied the mob when I was younger as a kid.
Fuck that.
So that's where you draw the line.
Yeah, because every time I see them run a casino,
they're like, dude, I don't do it.
I don't tell my kids to do it because it's not meant to win.
So you will never gamble?
No, no, unless I was real.
I would have to be rich as hell.
And know that this is not going to put me
in a financial state where I probably lose my house.
Well, see, this is what you do whenever you gamble.
I'm not telling you to gamble, just don't gamble.
But if you're going to gamble, never
bet anything that will hurt you.
So if I go to a casino, no matter
if I'm with friends who's going to be there all night,
I'm bringing $200, and that's what I'm betting.
If I lose the $200, no matter how fast I lose it,
I'm just done for the night.
And then other people will lose a lot of money, Scott Easton.
And then I'll just sit on the couch
and take a nap or watch whatever they got on there
until everybody's ready to go.
I'm not spending more of the money,
because it never works out.
And what I've been through has never worked out
of when I've seen people.
You just lose more money, man.
Brandon, let's say you had to bet on something.
And the situation is Dom Carr, Jake Muncie, wrestling match.
Who you had to bet on, but you just had to bet.
Who you're betting on and how much are you betting on it?
Limit of $50.
Minimum $50.
So you're saying Dom Carr versus Jake Muncie?
Yep, those two guys.
Damn it, man, damn it.
And that's tough.
And it's not WWE style.
It's Olympic, Greco-Roman, whatever the fuck.
Damn, OK, so I give everybody a chance.
But I'm going to be honest.
I'm a betting man.
And I just go for it.
I'm going to bet on you.
You're going to bet on me to beat Jake?
Yeah.
And I will win your money for you, Brandon.
Yeah.
I thank you.
I don't like how long it took you,
but I'll look past that.
I look past that.
But I mean, this is a bet.
It's not who you bet.
Yeah, but I'm doing a bet.
I'm going to give it to you, the bet.
Yeah, it is like a negative $1,200 Dom Carr win.
I don't joke with money, man.
So you're saying Jake is a joke.
No, no, man, no.
He's good.
But think about Jake and money.
Yo.
But he's not getting any money.
Oh, shit.
But if he knows you have money to lose
and he loves you like a romantic partner.
No, what?
No.
In the way that he does.
No, no, I don't think that.
He touches you.
No.
Yeah.
Well, you stay over there and then you show him your feet.
No.
Yeah.
No.
You have stayed the night over at his house.
No, I was there until like probably one or something.
What if Jake?
Brandon's lying because I was going to say,
I stayed there with you.
Didn't we all stay the night?
Oh, we did.
Yes, we did.
I was on the floor, you was on the floor.
This is news to me.
He was on the floor, I was on the couch.
Squeaks was right there on me.
Yeah, it was a good night.
If you guys are having a relationship, I'm telling HR.
Because we can't shit where we eat.
Jack, talk to him, man.
Yeah, but thank you, Brandon, for coming to your senses
finally.
Yeah, you're welcome.
I'm giving everybody a chance, man.
I just give everybody a chance.
But if I had to bet, I'll bet.
What if it was a game of checkers?
Game of checkers?
See, I don't know.
Are you good at checkers?
You're not?
See, I got to ask Jake.
Give it to him.
I would too.
I would bet on Jake.
I feel like he's sandbagging now.
I would bet on Jake if I went against him on checkers.
Dom looks like, you know how they have the old head chess
players in New York at the park?
But Dom only does checkers.
Doesn't know chess at all.
Only does checkers.
And goldfish.
He hits you with a triple jump and then calls you young blood.
Oh, with that little hat?
I don't know.
Joe Rogan hat?
Yeah.
I have a couple of them.
What are they called?
It's like the jazz hat.
I forgot because I have.
The fedora?
Let me see.
No, not a fedora, but the one that
has the little puff at the front.
Ooh, caddy hat.
Yeah, caddy hat.
Yeah, yeah.
Caddy hat.
Jack, this is a.
Yep.
Tera Masano.
That's good, man.
Yeah, I rock this.
Dwayne, we love you over here.
Oh, that's the rocks?
Man, the rock, you're doing something right, man.
It's nice.
First Maui, now this drink.
The rocks on the rocks.
You said Maui?
Yeah, Moana.
Oh, yeah.
They're doing a live action.
You see that?
Yeah, that's why I'm on there.
Is the rock Maui?
I'm guessing.
Yes.
Who'd they get to play Moana?
I don't know.
Well, the second one comes out in a week.
Yeah.
That's what they were talking about.
They were like, the second one comes out in a week,
and next year sometime is going to be the live action one.
Because they're already filming it.
They've seen a picture of him.
It looks like he has, even though the rock is massive,
it looks like he has a suit on because his legs ain't that big.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I think it was a suit, too.
These are all AIs.
You ever seen the picture?
Show them the picture.
Trying to find a live action.
Because these are not.
You know, we're just, I guess he's going to look like this.
Yeah, but that wasn't it.
They're all at a beach or something.
Oh, here it is.
Here it is.
Here we go.
Yeah, there it is.
Can you see that?
Yeah.
Yeah, kind of.
It kind of looks goofy, but I'm sure in the movie it'll look,
you know, done up.
No, that is him, huh?
Yeah, yeah, he probably just bulked up for it, maybe.
He got to stop doing that.
There's no way your heart can take two minutes.
He's so massive.
How old is the rock now?
In his 50s.
50 something.
Let me see.
50 year old people should not look like that, dude.
He should be using the fucking motorized scooter at Walmart.
You saw Mike?
No.
Let's see, 52.
52.
OK.
Not that bad.
He's just starting in the 50s.
He just left 49.
Why is he not the president, man?
He could have been.
He made a total show about that.
I'll vote for the rock.
He wouldn't have beat Trump, though.
No.
What if he ran Republican?
He, yeah, but he would have to beat Trump still.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
To beat the primaries.
I don't think he had the juice for it right now.
If we need to stop fucking electing god damn celebrities,
you know, politics.
But Trump was more of a businessman.
I don't want, and I want somebody who knows absolutely
nothing about anything.
Yeah.
I bet Carson.
Yeah, I want just a fucking UPS guy as the president, bro.
That would be tough.
Yeah, that would be sick.
Just know all the secrets, the codes.
Yeah.
Somebody says his fucking hairline's receding.
Shoot a nuke at fucking, you know, Singapore
or whatever the fuck.
Or maybe John Jones.
He's like our president.
That would be crazy.
Oh, that would be a wild ride.
If y'all want something wild.
He would have full immunity to do as much.
He would just hit people, bro.
I would like a president that could physically
dominate other people, dude.
You know, because I don't think Trump's doing that.
Biden's not doing that.
I don't think any president ever is really doing that.
Except for Theodore Roosevelt.
Oh, yeah, he was boxing people.
And Abraham Lincoln was a straight up wrestling, too, man.
Yeah, he was a straight up, he like never lost.
Barack Obama would beat the shit out of some people.
Like other countries, like leaders.
Barack would have fucked them up.
Yeah, Angela Merkel, he would have beat the shit out of her.
And if FDR had today's technology,
he'd be having some bionic legs.
Elon would have definitely been in his cabinet.
Hell yeah.
Dude, speaking of future, dude, I saw,
I was at Bridge Street last night near the Westin.
Not supposed to be over there, but I was in the parking lot.
And then, dude, there was a Tesla that literally backed up
and drove itself to this dude at the front with his wife.
And I would do, there was nobody in the car.
I literally, I was like, dude, is there no,
there's no fucking way.
And they let people pass and cars and stopped right.
And then just like the only flaw was it kind of
parked in the middle of the street.
But other than that, that was dope as hell.
Yeah.
This is creepy, man.
What the hell's going on?
The only flaw was that it parked in the middle of the street.
Yeah, like it just stopped right there.
The only problem, it blocked traffic.
It didn't parallel park perfectly.
But it drove on its own.
Yeah.
Literally that far.
How creepy is that?
How good is that for when it's cold?
That shit outside.
Can the Cybertruck do that?
I hope not.
I hope, yeah, they shouldn't.
Don't fucking kill somebody, bro.
It might be able to, but it shouldn't.
Dude, it shouldn't.
There's no way.
The Cybertruck, I see a lot of them around here too.
Me too.
A lot of them.
There's the military one, purple one, white one.
I seen the black one with the light reflective strips on it.
So it just doesn't even look right.
And there's only really old people
that really drive this thing, man.
That's what's even more dangerous.
The only people I saw, old.
Saw an Indian guy that owns a gas station
have one parked outside all the time.
Really?
Yeah.
I need to go talk to him.
Yeah.
See if I can get a job.
It's pretty tight, dude.
Pretty fucking shit.
Yeah, there is.
Older gas stations might be there too.
The Cybertruck is like everything you want
out of all the utility that a regular truck has,
eliminate that.
That's the Cybertruck.
Make it look like it's from fucking Halo.
That's the Cybertruck.
Shit's tight.
And Dan Price, shout out Dan.
Shout out Dan.
Was dropping some knowledge on my dumb ass
about the Cybertruck with like the,
it has the flat windshield.
You know how most windshields are like curved?
Like the rain just, it just sits on it, bro.
Ah.
And something about the sun or in the rain,
like it just, it causes problems.
Dan was looking in to buy one.
That's why he knows I was.
Damn.
That's so fucking true, man.
That would have been cool as hell, man.
He's gonna get a turret in the back.
Knock some shoes off.
It's like a tank.
What time we at?
We are at an hour and 12 minutes.
Oh. Perfect.
Yeah, yeah.
I got pissed so bad.
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Hey, thanks guys for watching.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving, man.
All right, real quick.
I'm thankful for pistachio ice cream.
What are you guys thankful for?
I'm thankful for you guys, man.
Yay, Brandon.
I'm thankful for my family and brothers and everybody.
Hell yeah.
My family too.
I was just trying to be good for.
All right, man.
Hell yeah.
You guys are brothers, by the way.
I hope you know that.
That's what I was meant.
That's what I mean with friends,
what I mean with brothers.
Love you, Brandon.
I love you too, man.
Yay.
Hmm?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
rical open source music
I fucking hate Scrappy Dude.