This week on Clown College.
This is the Clown College podcast.
We're just a couple of open mics trying to make our way through the scene.
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages of their comedy career,
no matter if they're open micers, headliners, or travel comedians.
I'm here too. Jamie 2.0 and I just talk a lot more.
Dammit Brandon!
Let's all go to Clown College baby.
It's with Brandon Willis, Clown College.
But I think he's, but what Brandon's saying is he's saying AIDS isn't real.
That way he doesn't have to come out and say that he has AIDS.
Exactly. Yeah. Excuse. He's just got the suds, bro.
Hey, hey boys. New digs?
New digs? Hell yeah. Shit's tight dude.
Shit is unbelievably tight. We got Dennis Rodman there.
Dennis Rodman in these studios. Kim Jong Un coming soon.
Hell yeah. He'll be there. Hey back here, Dan Price made us this poster when he came on.
Shout out Dan. Shit's nice. And Whereas Lethal Weapon, it's pretty tight.
Hell yeah. And we got a little callbacks to the old set.
Yeah. You guys diggin' it? Yes I am. It's tight. It's nice. It's fun.
This chair is comfortable. It is comfy.
People are probably going to see my ass crack at some point, dude.
Hey look, there you go. You'll definitely go see your man, John.
Oh for sure dude. Dante won't have shit on you.
No, no he won't.
Hey, how you been Brandon? Man, I am doing great. Look at this.
It's good. We've done it all too. And it's been a year.
And it's been a year. It's been a year and now some days.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah. A year and some change, dude.
A year and some change. Yep. And guess what else man?
When I was eating these gummy bears earlier I saw some shit.
Hold on, it's pretty cool. Okay. Can you get it open?
It's all of them mushed together. That's pretty sick.
It's like the human centipede of gummy bears.
Damn, I like how it's real smooth on that one. I know it's really smooth. It's nice.
Take a bite. I'm going to eat all this.
Oh, he throated it. Jesus.
I don't know if I'm comfortable with this. Oh my gosh.
It looks like it. I can't get it off.
Oh my gosh. Is there a bone in it?
Why is he shaking? It's in no way.
Damn. Damn, bro.
Brandon. This is some tough shit. Oh, God.
Damn, that hurt my tooth. It's good though, huh?
It is good. I hope you have dental insurance.
Shit is perfect. If I didn't bite it, I would have been like everybody wants something.
I bet it. I'll bite from the other side.
For real? Yeah. Past the rock, bro. You can throw it.
You want me to throw this for real? Yeah.
It's a big risk. Damn, he's overhanding.
Oh, shit. He's stuck to my hand. I can't tell what... Oh, you bit from that side.
Mm-hmm. Get up in there.
Mm. The gooey. It's nice. Don, do you want some? No, I'm fine.
You want to eat the rest of it? I'm okay.
Okay. I'll stick it to the dinner driver.
Put it on the junk. There you go.
So, where's the B-ball at? Oh, shit.
Spalding. Yeah. We played a game, didn't we?
We sure as hell did. Are you still chewing that?
Yeah, he's thinking... My gosh, bro.
All right, there we go. What the hell was in your piece of it?
Dude, I had to just swallow that bitch. All right, that was good pause.
Oh, dude, you could have choked. No, it was at the end. So, we got...
It's better to swallow. Spitting the glitter.
Well, yeah, it was food. Yeah. It was food.
Seeming. No. As long as it has protein in it.
No, no, because it's slippery slopes to that, man.
A lot of stuff has proteins that you're not supposed to put in your mouth for eat.
Like what? Like what he just said, semen. Did you hear that?
He was like, semen. I never said that.
And why are you not supposed to put semen in your mouth?
Well, I mean, you can do whatever you want.
It's not harmful, though, is it? No, it's actually not harmful.
So, if you were dying in a desert and you needed protein to live, you would eat it, right?
If I'm dying in a desert, I feel like, wait a minute, so where are they coming from?
So it's just me and I'm doing this? You and your buddy.
Me and my... So we're both dying and we have no protein?
Yeah, you just... And there's no protein in the semen, right?
Yeah, it is. It's enough to get you to where you got to go.
So there's going to be guaranteed protein.
It'll give you just enough energy to get to the nearest town.
No matter what. Yeah.
We're going to die either way. So you're going to do it, ay?
No. Okay, maybe. No, I'm just fucking with you.
Hey, this is a year episode, right? Yes, it is.
So we got to have something that's annual because we're going to be doing this for multiple years.
True. For forever, dude. At least until Brandon is 18.
Yeah. Yeah.
How about we shoot it to Dan Price and Moonshine Ping Pong for our annual basketball game?
Let's do it. It's a good idea.
She had nine assists, five rebounds and hit 12 of 18 from the field in the Dayton Sunshine's 82-51 Mothering of the Key West Ladybugs.
It's giving... Damn.
In men's basketball, we turn now to the first annual Clown College Basketball Invitational, brought to you by Mike and Bill's Presidential Barbershop.
It's time now to meet the players.
Shaggy, these buckets are a mystery.
Bryce Fletcher, you all fucked with Eminem?
Dom Carr, Schiller Elementary. Why do fat bitches always smell like mashed potatoes?
And that was two and a half gingers. The game is played inside under fluorescent lights, but at least two of those gingers should be wearing sunscreen.
Two and a half gingers star player Dom Carr will be blocking the lane as he does wherever he goes.
Now let's take a look at the Redskins.
I'm not Post Malone. I just smell like cigarettes.
Charlie Swisher, not gay.
Brandon Willis, fuck Garfield.
And that was the Redskins. That's an impressive lineup considering most trailer parks don't have basketball teams.
The Redskins star player Brandon Willis is reported to have made an illegal bet that he couldn't score one point.
The bet is apparently worth $100 or as Brandon Willis calls it three months rent.
Now let's go down to court side with Jack and Syfy.
Thank you Dan. Welcome to the first annual Clown College basketball game. Tell us who's playing today Jack.
Oh we got an exciting game between the Redskins and the Oreos. So let's start with some introductions.
Sending it to you Pat.
JJ as the captain and serial killer of the team, what kind of plan do you have tonight to win this very, very crucial game?
Dominate and win.
Dominate and win. Do you have a plan for that?
Beat him.
Beat him. How hard?
So fucking hard Pat.
The mind of a psychopath.
Mr. Lumbra, I just talked to the psychopath JJ. He said he plans to dominate by beating you. How do you respond to that?
He's a trailer trash honky and he really doesn't know how to play the game and we're going to go out there and prove that with hard work, dedication and sportsmanship.
He's a honky folks. What is your secret weapon for tonight?
Our secret weapon is Dom. He's just a massive black hole and his gravitational force will pull the other team's shots back down to the ground and it will cause us to get a rebound in a quick bucket.
Such a Star Trek response. Back to you guys.
Alright. What's your scouting report say?
My scouting report. So from the little bit of knowledge I've just learned, Dom is really the dark horse of this.
He has the least athletic build, but he is very selfless. But my boy Bryce up in here with the pants. I respect that.
The fit. Yeah. Substitute teacher fit, but willing to play with this inner city youth.
You see that back pedal he has?
Okay, we got what would be a three, but it's a one for the Oreos.
Okay, Bryce with the pump fake. Bryce plays like he watches a lot of basketball and basketball related movies.
Josh Giddy fan. Oh, big Josh Giddy fan. You can say he was at a Giddy freak off.
If you found out how much Bryce hates Josh Giddy, that one's just for you, Bryce. Okay. Be smooth.
Have you ever noticed that Brandon kind of looks like Big Poppy from the Boston Red Sox?
David Ortiz? Yes, sir. Oh, yeah, I can see it. He's like little Poppy Chulo.
Okay, JJ stroking that thing. Man out of bounds.
The German. Oh, Bryce is Bryce plays. He's playing with some attitude and player.
Oh, Brandon. Did you see that? It counts. Yes, it does. A hundred dollars time.
Oreos are redskins. Oh, he almost did again. It counts.
You know, Dom has been acting very funny since the IQ results came out.
Oh, Brandon is playing great defense. Oh, I think if Lumbra will actually look at his shots, they would go in because he would have better follow through.
He needs a headband. Definitely. Brandon's just shooting. I love it.
Brandon shoots like a rookie cop in the inner city neighborhood. Anything that moves, he's shooting at it.
Okay, it looks like there's a little matching of the wheels between JJ and Dom.
If you pay attention, I think cardio wise, Charlie Swisher might be in the best shape. Oh, yeah.
Brandon with a nasty shot. Hand down, man down. Brandon said, I shall not be held back.
Okay, let's see. Oh, about on Brandon out on Brandon, but that's okay.
Redskins to Oreos one. Okay, Dom is in the post with Brandon. Brandon playing immaculate defense. Oh, not today.
I think if Dom's diabetes didn't make him have such tingly fingertips, you get a problem. Yeah, you got probably gonna kept the ball in bounds.
Oh, oh, oh, they're letting Brandon and Dom. I said, okay, ball to Swisher.
Oh, yo, Brandon is showing he's the embodiment of Kobe Bryant.
Oh, man. Man, I have not heard something that it's clearly fall.
It is a crisp breeze in this gym. Thanks to Brandon and Brandon's only focused on the game.
He's not. I will say that shot was just as moist as Brandon's forehead right now. He looking at his skin with that mistiness.
Looks like gravy. Oh, yeah. Lumbra trying to shoot and missing Brandon feeling it. Oh, a little bit too much mustard on that dog working out too much.
Lumbra with a three. It would have been a three, but it's a one. Oreos to Redskins three. Lumbra has the ball.
Oh, okay. Bryce with the fake lip putting some jelly on it, putting some jelly on it. I've noticed the Oreos like to play with a lot more finesse.
Oh, yeah. They're more flashy. They're so flashy, but it's not really accomplishing them anything. That is the Redskins game plan right now.
If you notice, JJ is really everybody's passing the ball. Nobody's trying to take, you know, just stingy shots. It's really good teamwork. Oh, yeah.
Matthew Lumbra building a house out there with these bricks. Redskins three Oreos two. Okay, Charlie Swisher here.
I want to see Charlie Swisher play a little bit more confident, just like Brandon. Brandon was really about to shoot that. A little bit more selfish.
A little bit more selfishness. Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself. That's the place to start.
Oh, Lumbra got a hook. Guy hook.
Okay, Dom driving. You know what? One thing I do respect Dom, if you notice, has compression socks and sleeves on. While everybody else is kind of doing it for style, he is actually for medical use.
Oh, yeah. He's got the copper linings. Oh, yeah. His joints are just inflamed right now. Okay.
A little missed by Charlie Swish. Charlie can't make a Swisher. Lumbra putting them in a blender. Oh, from behind the backboard.
Talk your talk, young man. Talk your talk. Oh, he's feeling it. But it's not feeling him.
JJ sizing them up, driving.
If you look at Dom, he's already breathing out of his mouth. Clear sign of exhaustion.
Dom is going to sleep so good tonight. Oh, yeah. He's probably missing work tomorrow. Oh, for sure. This is like the first time taking your bulldog to the dog park.
He's just going to be snoring. Oh, Lumbra really just feeding it in there. Okay. Dribble to the basket.
Oreo's five, Redskins three. We are going to 11. Dom calling plays Lumbra with the shot.
Okay, Charlie Swisher thinking about it. Thinking, thinking. A lot of thought. He's Brandon with it. Brandon, not a single thought going on behind those eyes.
Oh, man. I love it though. Brandon doesn't even have to think about what he's doing. It just happened. He's in that flow state. He is in the flow. I just learned about the flow state.
Yes, Brandon is definitely in there. Okay, Bryce. Oh, man. It looked good. Bryce has a good shooting form.
Oh, JJ with the shot. Not intimidated at all. He didn't blink. Didn't blink. Didn't flinch. Okay, Charlie with a no look pass.
Okay, Charlie with a no look pass. JJ with a miss. Bryce catches. Fees it inside. Lumbra got the ball. Got some space. Pulls.
Dom is just speaking in tongues now. He's not even English. He's reverting back to his childhood language. Dom's mother taught him tongues before she taught him English.
Oh, Brandon pulling up. Okay, Lumbra. Bryce wide open. Lumbra's taking them both on. That's a confident man right there. He believes in his ability. Fees it to Bryce. Bryce with the shot.
Oreo six. Port little Angel Reese. Get his own rebound. Now we're going into halftime. Sending it to you, Pat.
Brandon, great footwork out there. Great. Good shots, man. I told you, man. I told you you're broke. I need $100.
You need $100? Is that the motivation? Money? Yeah. I ain't mad at that. Bryce, as a guy on court who's not fully dressed for competition, he's fully dressed.
What is your main thing, speed out there? Oh, I'm just trying to watch out for Charlie. Charlie's quick. He's one of the fastest people I know.
What happened when you played soccer? Yeah. Jake. Great shots, man. Charlie. Yes, sir. I just heard from Bryce that Bryce says he has to keep up with you because you're very fast and I told him it's because you think you're playing soccer. Is that true or false?
I'd say completely accurate. It's not just patronizing. False motivation is always there. Oh, yeah.
Bryce is getting his warmups in. Everybody else were already warmed up. As you can tell, Bryce, the only one not really in game attire, but he's getting loose. He's getting limber.
Yeah, he cooled down when he was on the announcer's table a little bit after being warmed up. Yeah. Now he's trying to get back into it.
Yeah. A lot of people don't know Bryce wasn't originally supposed to play tonight, but he decided to step in at last minute. And hey.
Mr. Dom, after getting shitted on by Brandon, how do you feel? You know, it's a dark day in America, I feel like. But he overcame his disability and now he won $100.
A very special ending for Brandon. Lumbar, you're a shark out there. What's keeping you motivated?
Being that honky JJ is really keeping me motivated. I just want to get out there and belt to ass. The game's a lot closer than what I would like, but Dom's letting Brandon just come all over his face and it's getting a little disrespectful now, but I think we're going to walk in and we're going to get this W.
A fitting splash. Back to you guys.
It'll be interesting to see if the Oreos do a little bit more of PNR action with Lumbar and Dom. They should. Good pick and roll, pick and pop.
Okay, and we are back into the play. Oh, Charlie coming out with a great steal to set the pace.
Oh, crossing. Dom with the shot. I'm in the mess.
Charlie with the past that nobody believed a pass fake. Nobody believed. Okay, let's see what Charlie Swisher does. Oh, Bryce laughing at Swisher's abilities. That's disrespect.
You know what? One thing I love about Charlie Swisher. Oh, Brandon taking the air out of the room with that shot attempt. How Brandon will shoot anything and it's wholesome because he has no fear. I also find it equally wholesome that Charlie looks like he's having fun no matter what.
Every time Charlie's running, there's a smile on his face. He's hunched over breathing right now. He's smiling in between breaths running, hiking, hiking on runs. His favorite snack is granola and raisins.
Oh, between the legs from Lumbra and then pulls up and sinks it and finishes Oreo seven Redskins for.
Dom with the shot and the miss. JJ with the rebound.
That's it to Charlie. Charlie pump fakes nobody and then overshoots, but he's having a great time.
Charlie's getting a little handy out there. Dom finishes one. Yeah. Don shot a shot and used 50 of his energy points.
Okay, Bryce with the sky hook. Lumbra wide open asking for the ball.
The drives JJ adjust the body and still makes. Oh, yeah. Through the Red Sea.
Dom sizing up Brandon kicks out to Lumbra.
Charlie with the rebound.
Charlie with the rebound. Brandon is gonna shoot it. If it's one thing a shooter is gonna do is that shoot.
But that is shoot. I'm a little tongue tied tonight. Oh, yeah. Oh, here's Bryce. Could be from the bong rip I did earlier. Oh, in and out. That ball does not like him tonight.
But Lumbra is able to finish it off with the rebound there. Lumbra out there talking to Bryce. He's not too happy with the way Bryce was not going through the basket.
All right. Game point. Game point. Bryce putting his ass out there. Okay. I hear a lot of heavy breathing. Lumbra. Oh, shoot. Winning shot and makes. JJ takes it out.
Redskins are gonna need a lot. And oh, oh, oh, who's gonna fight for the ball?
Redskins Charlie with the rebound passes it out to Brandon. Brandon of course shoots and miss. JJ looking to shoot. Oh, he gets it.
JJ shoots brick.
Brick. I don't know Oreos. You know, it's interesting. You know, there's a couple of young women who have heard Don breathe like this with him on top and they just had to be like, please don't die. Right. Please.
Please. I don't want to die this way. I have a family. Okay. Lumbra with the ball takes it out. Oh, spin on Charles. Taking the double team.
Lumbra puts up a screen. It's the ball from Bray. I'm just trying to back down. JJ throws it away. Oh, Charlie with the rebound. The rebound keeps an inbounds. Okay. Fight for the ball down with the shot. Miss Lumber pops it up. JJ with the grab.
Chaos. I love how JJ won't shoot. Neither will Charlie. So it's true. Brandon does. Okay. Hold on. Oh, JJ must have heard us talking. Looks like the Redskins are coming back, man. They are not going to go quietly.
There's one thing you can say. They got heart. They do.
Dom's has an enlarged JJ with a shooting miss price cuts pump fakes fade away shot representing the Bryson of the sci fi show. Mr. Substitute teacher. He plays with the inner city youth. He teaches them chess and plays basketball with them.
Mr. Bryce, you hit the game really shy. He was out there, man. You was magnificent, man. You was out there like a tooth fairy.
Risk is tough loss today, man. Tough loss. Tough loss. Come in here. Hey, man. Whether we lose one or lost today, which we did lose. I'm proud of this man. Thank you. He has some special abilities. He got that hundred dollars. Yes, he did. Who's the real winner, man?
Oh, yeah. Oliver. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. You guys have won the game. The Orioles has won the game. Where are those cookies? Where they have, baby. We're going to get them. That's how much we go to Disney World.
That's you guys.
That was tough to watch. Almost as tough as watching the WNBA. Well, that does it for the first annual Clown College basketball invitational. I'm Dan Price for the Moonshine Sports Report.
Wow. That was amazing. That was some crazy shit, wasn't it? Brandon, you balled out there. I bought. I got the half court. I told him I would. Got the hundred dollars. Yes, I did get the hundred dollars. Paid you right there, didn't we? Oh, yeah. Right away. Telling you, man. He put some money. And there's an obstacle in front of me. I'm getting for that obstacle. What if the obstacle is a piece of paper?
What's your penis? What's semen? I've got a penny. Kick. But you're going to get through it. Yeah, because I just kicked it, man. It's going to fall down now. You're going to finish what you started. Yep. What am I going to start tap dancing and stomping on it now? Footplay. That's footplay. Bam. And I know you're into that. You tap dancing on the dick.
I'm going to be happy about that. So I was paying for you. You never seen these videos? Guys like when the girls put the heels on the scrotum on the balls. Yeah. So they don't like it when you're doing it. See, that's what you're into. And we can't say anything about that. Yeah, we won't shame you. So how do you feel about your performance?
Dude, I'm not going to lie. It was bad. It was bad. I did not perform up to expectations both in the bedroom that day and on the court that day. And I was by myself. I was very disappointed.
Dude, that shit was funny. That shit was good. Now, you guys seen it. You guys were out there. Dom didn't do anything but stand around. That was a second game.
I knew he was going to say this. There's no proof. I knew Dom was going to say that shit. Me too. There's no proof that we played a first game, dude. There is no proof. There is no proof at all.
There is no proof. But in the first game, if it did happen, like OJ said, if I did it. Allegedly. If I wrote a book and said if I did it, like he was talking about killing his wife, we're talking about the first game. You didn't score on me though on that first game.
Well, we didn't finish the first game. It's just. We went to the same amount of points as we did the second game. I just wanted to make that. Let that be clear.
You think a nuke just fires in one second, bro? No. You need time to warm up. A weapon of mass destruction like Brandon Willis, dude. You need time to warm up that stroke.
When you get old people like me, I'm like Mike Tyson. I need to win in that first one. Which I did. No points and I think I scored like six points on you. But we're going to pivot from that because we don't have footage of that.
We have footage of what just happened. You scored three points. You were the best person on your team. I concur that as your opposition. JJ was second. Thank you. You know, he did do something. Who was last?
Who was last? On your team. On my team, Charlie Swisher. Charlie Swisher. Which is ironic considering his name. Yeah, I know. I thought he was going to be like the best, but no.
That confuses me. No, because dude, he had an Atlanta Hawks hat that says I will cast.
Well, if that's all it takes to fool you, bro. Because I'm like, oh man, this dude knows about it.
I knew we were going to lose when Charlie pulled up and I asked him, have you ever played basketball? He said no, but I watched a YouTube video on the way here. That's how I knew we were fucked, Brandon.
See, I didn't hear that, but I would have heard that. I would have been like, damn, we might be fucked. That's bad.
But you guys did lose because you had the all-star team of me and Lumbra and Bryce. Yeah.
But I still won the war. I lost the battle, but I won the war.
Well, no, you lost the war. The battle would have been the $100. Oh, that's the battle? Yeah. The war is the game.
Brandon, don't listen to this fool. Oh, well, as long as I won the battle. Yeah.
Well, that's the first annual game. There will be one next year. There will be one next year. That's just one battle. We're going to win.
We will, Brandon, and we will stay on the same team. Okay. You'll be jacked by then. I've been putting some shit in your beers.
I'm glad, man. We're going to start practicing. Yeah. We're going to practice. It's going to be good.
What else have we been up to, man? It's been a wild couple of weeks. Yes, it has.
It's been a while since we left you all. Trump is back in office.
I tried to flee the country, but they kicked me out of the plane. Yeah.
They threw me out. They said, we know you have Hispanic family members, and you have to get the fuck out of this plane.
And they might be in trouble. They are in danger, in immediate danger. But we got a couple of months to figure that out.
Yeah, man. Jumped out the fucking plane. You got out. You fucking DP Cooper'd it. You made it.
I don't know who that is. Double Penetration Cooper? You don't know DP Cooper? Brandon, tell them about DP Cooper.
Come on. DP Cooper, he was robbing trains and shit, man. They never caught him, so we don't know what the hell he looks like.
He could be anybody. I could have saw him at Publix yesterday. You never know.
And that's the part, he missed out on the whole plane part of the story. But he jumped out, he hijacked the plane.
And when they rode out, he jumped out of the plane, and he jumped into this wilderness. And they never found him.
With a bag of money. With a bag of money. And they never found him. No parachute? No, he had a parachute.
He hijacked the plane to jump out of it. And they never found him. But people are saying, like the experts, are saying that he definitely died in the wilderness there.
But it sounds like a man who had a plan. Why didn't you think he had somebody come pick him up?
Yeah, I don't know. Why do they say he died, though?
Where he jumped out of was pretty rowdy. Yeah, they probably wouldn't have survived. They're fucking scientists.
They're fucking scientists. Nurds. Bitch. I was driving down the road the other day and the truck in front of me said, this epidemiologist is against vaccines.
That's the one I want to go to. I don't know what an epitheme means. Epidemiologist? They study diseases. They study diseases.
They study diseases? Pussies. I know, right?
And I pulled up and it was a fat white woman. So do what you will with that information. I'm not saying anything.
It said anesthesiologist. Anesthesiologist? Yep. What do they do, Brandon?
Yeah, we just said it. No. Yep. Right? We didn't. That was an epi- I didn't know that. Epidemiology.
So now we're talking about what is it? Anesthesia. Anesthesia. The people that do the anesthesia, right? Yeah, what is that?
People that do anesthesia. What's anesthesia?
That gas, the stuff that they put in you and be like, hey man, we're about to give you surgery. We'll see you in a few minutes. Exactly. He's right.
That's not wrong. You're right on every level. Thank you. Yeah. They give you that galaxy gas. Yes.
Let's see JJ jump out of a plane. Yeah.
Ready for your big day, JJ? I'm so excited, man. I'm glad all my friends can be here. Dom and Brandon. As long as Brandon's here, I feel confident I can do anything.
You'll be safe. I'm gonna jump out of this fucking plane. Yeah? You're gonna jump out. He's not gonna die. If you guys don't see this footage, I mean, guess that means you did.
Yeah. And if I die, it's still fucking scrappy, dude. It is. And if I die, leave it there.
Alright, Scott out of Alabama. There we go. It's pretty cool. I like that one. I like that one. I like the way they cut the sleeves off of him.
How's it going? I'm doing well, man. You ever been to Scotland before? No. Why not? I've been to the US.
What'd you think? I mean, it's out here. Why don't you scare people? Yeah. I mean, I'm scared of the guys. I'm scared of the guys.
What'd you think? Why don't you scare people? You're gonna do it one day, buddy. One day you're gonna do it. I promise you.
Alright, put on your coat. You might have to help me over your knees a little bit. You're gonna turn towards me. So I'm gonna tell you some of the basics.
The more relaxed you are, the more you're my dog. You're my dog. Alright, so just be nice and relaxed. The most important part is to keep your head up and smile. If you don't smile, your face goes...
It looks really goofy on TV. Video guys will be coming right up in front of your face. I don't know what kind of things you're into, but if you're gonna be fishing, fish, punch, peace signs, hearts, fingers, face, whatever, it's all on you. You know what I mean?
I'll have you step up and scale it right, please. I got some dance moves, some struts. We'll be like, yeah, let's go skydiving. You gotta make the video hype, alright? Watch your head getting inside there. When you're in there, you'll be buckled to me in the airplane. Something happens.
Make sure you listen to me because I guess I'm unhooking off the airplane. Once it's your turn to go, we're gonna slide down a bit. You gotta make it super tight, okay? You might feel a little flinch.
Sit flat on the floor and turn. You're gonna hook your legs up under the airplane. Hands on your harness and your head goes back to my right shoulder. Make sure you're smiling real big for the camera, okay? Your head's going from one end to the other.
Out, in, and then as soon as we go out, you push out with your hips, lean back in through your knees, shoulders up, and legs and feet together like a scorpion.
You're gonna be hitting your legs, you're gonna be pushing your arch, and your back, okay? After a few seconds, you'll feel me tap you. Hands out like a football player.
I'm getting sharp shins that guy fucking over his head. This might be the time you want to remember.
Alright, JJ, what are you doing here today? I'm here to jump out of this plane. Scott, I'm here to jump out of this plane.
You came to the right place, so I heard there's a story behind that, though. Oh, yeah. This is for the Clown College podcast. I said on the first episode, if we did an episode a week for a year, I'll go skydiving.
If we can get to a year, if we put out one every week for a year, dude, I'll go skydiving and film it. Okay.
Didn't think we'd make it, but here we are. Today's your day? Alright, so was anything, was that something you wanted to do for a while or just cut it off?
No, I'm terrified of heights. Like, this is something, I'm definitely out of my element, but I'm a little excited, a lot a bit nervous, but I like the most of it.
Alright, anything you want to say to family or friends before you go, or your listeners? I just want to give a shout out to Drew Davis.
Yeah, okay. I'll tell you.
I'll do it with you.
And then if we hit the ground, post it on Reddit.
We're actually supposed to.
Go out, in, and as soon as you go out, push up with your hips. You just died. You just fell out.
Fell out for what?
Can you look up his tight toosie?
That dude 100% either died on impact or died of his injuries. Like internal bleeding or something, dude.
Dude, I can't control death. Death controls him.
I see the concern in his face.
How do they, in that day and age, get that cut off to where you don't see live him falling to his death?
I do believe in miracles.
Can you look up his tight toosie?
I'll do it with you.
How you feel?
Oh my dude, I was moaning the whole way down.
It was terrifying bro.
Dude, he was like, this is called belly to ground.
I was like, oh my god.
Dude, that was terrible.
You didn't have to do nothing just this whole time, right?
Just that, hold the thing.
Yeah.
You like it, you'll do it again?
Hell no.
That's a one time thing.
When you're sitting on the edge of the plane looking down at the ground, you're like, what
the fuck?
And then shout out Joe.
Shout out Joe, we'll throw his business card up from Alabama skydive dude.
He made his own business card.
It had like, I fool 65, I'm blue aliens on it.
It was tight bro.
Fuck yeah.
But I'm just sitting there on the edge of the plane like, no fucking way.
And then all of a sudden we just push off.
I'm falling dude.
Terrifying.
Absolutely terrifying.
It was beautiful.
We were all on the ground looking at you and we were like impressed.
Like, damn, they were up far as fuck.
14,000 feet bro.
14,000 feet.
Almost three miles.
And I'll tell you, and everybody that I know that has gone skydiving were telling me like,
dude, it's going to change your perspective on life.
It's eye opening.
It's an awesome experience.
It's thrilling.
Your adrenaline is going to be pumping.
I will never trust those people again.
Cause that was a bunch of fucking bullshit dude.
It was scary.
No part of it was fun.
I moan the entire way down.
We heard you.
You have every right.
Yeah dude.
I've never looked worse on camera.
My receding hairline is showing.
My face is like rolled up like this.
And the straps are so tight.
My fucking pooch is hanging out dude.
It's fucking awful Brandon.
This is great.
It was awful.
Yeah man dude, I can only imagine.
I would have freaked out.
I probably would have cried up in that bitch.
And for like the first 10 seconds you can't breathe cause all the air is rushing into
your face.
And I'm just like, oh well I'm going to fucking black out.
And I'm going to be hanging there dead weight.
I have an asthma attack or some shit up there man.
That would be terrible.
You would die.
Oh yeah.
I would die.
I might.
And that should bring us to our next thing.
We're doing it next year.
And JJ is going to be on the ground bro.
And then I'm going to fucking die.
It's you guys' turn bro.
So go ahead and start the cut.
Man I should have done that shit the first time.
Yeah dude, that outfit would have been sick.
The sonic t-shirt and the leather jacket.
Oh shit, then when you were up there, didn't he have to loosen up something in the back
and tell you to hold something?
So he's like, I thought it was part of the thing where he's like, cause there's the controls
to steer the thing and you have to put your hands all the way up like full extension to
pull it and steer it.
And he's like, oh man, like you can fly it for a second.
And I turn as much as I can.
I look at him and I'm like, do I have to do this part?
If this is like a, oh you want to do it?
And he's like, no, I want to get the fuck down.
We're still thousands of feet in the air.
And he's like, no, I have to like actually do something.
And I'm like, fuck, fuck.
And I'm like holding it and he's like turn left and I'm like, and then I've, I hear something
click and I fall like an inch.
And at this point I'm, I, I'm dead.
I think I'm dying.
I let out a noise that I couldn't replicate.
Just a moan of fucking just terror moan bro.
And then I was fine.
And the landing was sick though.
That landing was tight.
You slide across the grass a little bit.
And I just, I, I, my adrenaline all dumped at the same time and I'm just laying on this
dude.
You were the last one out, you were the last one out, right?
Yes bro.
If when you're in there, you're nuts to butts.
You're packed in that bitch like sardines.
And I'm holding onto the railing and I'm just looking around and I'm thinking of the scene
from Saving Private Ryan when they're in the boat and the ramp floods down.
And that's exactly what it was like.
I do consider myself a veteran of this country.
And I'll, I'll, I'll concur.
You're more of a veteran than somebody else in this.
But look, that was great, man.
Yeah, it was terrifying.
I can't believe you did it.
You said you were going to do it first episode?
Yeah.
A year?
Yeah.
I did not think we'd be here.
I thought Brandon would have been, you know, his condition.
You know, he's talking, he's not talking about that condition.
Tell me about the other one.
It's the one you're thinking about.
But I thought you would have got abducted.
Somebody been like, oh, here's a, you know, Hulk Hogan figure.
And you'd be like, let me get that.
And then you would have been in fucking, you would have been mining diamonds right now.
And then Dom, I thought his heart would give out.
Give out from what?
Well, I think honestly, your heart's going to be good for a while after, after today.
It's kind of got jumpstarted a little bit.
And you let out some moans yourself.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
See, we haven't seen this because we literally just shot it.
Shout out Ian Miller.
Ian Miller for letting us through to his crib.
And shout out Mark Viola for-
Shout out Mark, dude.
Oh yeah, another applause.
For taking part in this.
His actions spoke for a nation.
Yeah.
Spoke for a whole race.
What, uh, let's take a look.
Hell yeah.
Hey guys, if you're watching this, you probably watched the podcast and heard me say some
disparaging things about the Jews.
You know, Kanye's not wrong about everything, but uh-
Is he Jewish though?
He might be.
He's a Jewish or something.
I can never tell.
I don't know.
I can never tell who's Jewish or not.
Yeah.
Kramer?
I give credit to the Germans for figuring that out because I just think they are.
Hell Hitler.
I'm going to stop using my Jew jokes.
I'm scared.
Sucking mustard gas out of Jewish people's lips.
Yeah, Drake better come back with heat because he's sticking up for all mixed, light skinned
niggas even though he's Jewish and we don't.
But is he a Jew?
The Dr. Swartz guy?
Let's not lump the Jews in with us.
I'm just, I'm not saying I like him, but he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't bad to black
people.
He killed like 14.
That happens more.
That's not a bad.
I know he's Jewish, but he ain't getting paid.
This is a pro Hitler podcast.
You can say whatever you want.
What would you do Dom?
I would take a whole bunch of gold coins and then stuff them in pigs and shrimp.
Actually I don't know if we, like I said, I don't, can't tell Jews apart from white
people.
Guys, as you can see, that was clearly satirical.
And to prove that, I brought the most aggressive Jewish person I know, Mark Viola.
You're a human landfill, you piece of garbage.
Honestly, you're the thing that makes people hate America.
It'd be nice if you died sometime soon.
Sooner.
Like now.
You know.
Now see, here at clown college, we're bringing the Jewish and the black relationship closer
than it's ever been.
This is for everyone who's ever heard you on your podcast.
Your listeners will thank me.
That did hurt.
That got me.
Is this shit stuck in me?
Yeah.
I'm not gonna get it out.
Is it still?
It's on.
Can I turn it off?
Turn it off, yeah.
Is it still shockin' me?
Uh uh.
No, it's off and I...
It's just stuck in my skin.
Yeah, I know.
We're gonna have to rip it out.
It's a needle thing.
Okay.
You're gonna have to rip it out.
Damn.
Yeah, it's gonna be a, it's gonna be a pull, but it should be back skin, so it's okay.
Let me get it on film.
You want a pull, Liam?
Or do you want me to?
You go for it.
All right, Dom, I love you, okay?
All right.
Don't do that.
No?
It's gotta be a sharp pull.
No!
I don't believe, I think it's a groove in there, dog.
It's gotta be a groove.
You wanna Google how to get it out?
Yeah, let me get on it.
Ah, dude.
I shoulda had a shirt on.
It's okay, it's just needles in you.
Nail, it's all good.
But it's hookin', something's hookin' in there, so if you pull it out...
God damn it.
Yeah, I'm lookin' it up.
I'm on it.
God damn it.
I mean, it shoulda gone straight in, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Place one hand on the pit, and the other is embedded.
It stabilizes the skin around the puncture side.
Slide safety clip knots between the probe...
Or, they're sayin' they have a tool to get it out.
Is there something else in that box over there, right there?
I don't think so.
Give me one second.
I'll take a look.
Stay down.
You wanna move around?
Yeah, it's definitely...
There's literally nothing else in there.
There's definitely a hook though, right?
Yeah, there's definitely a fuckin' hook.
Why would they have a hook?
God damn it.
You such a bitch.
Oh my gosh.
I just wanted to be...
Whenever I was gonna ask you...
I just wanted to ask you...
Is it enough recording?
That you're asking me to do this, and it's not me that just randomly did this to you.
All right?
I had verbal concerns.
Does it hurt right now?
No.
Oh, okay.
No.
Indeed, stop being a bitch.
Or keep being a bitch.
Either way, I don't really...
Either way, it's amazing footage.
Did it look good?
Oh, pfft.
Oh, man.
I'm watching.
You made a sound.
You filmed.
Hey, at least I didn't fuck around with it, right?
Like I leveled it.
I aimed.
I was sure that I was squared up with the middle of your back.
I appreciate this though.
Yeah, no problem.
How much more dead center could I have been without a handgun?
That's actually incredible.
You guys smoke coming out like a damn mushroom.
Y'all need to send me that.
It was like a Hamilton duel.
Y'all need to send me that.
Yeah, that's it.
I like how you said the review was like, you need to send me that.
I like how you said the review was like, you need to take your shirt off because I don't
think it'll go through the put.
That one went through the fucking Ironman.
It was crazy.
They fucked me.
Had to pass my own ass on a couple times so I can...
What?
Wait, for real?
Did you have a cyst?
Yeah, I had a cyst.
A neonatal cyst?
Yeah.
Alie-neal.
You get the goss?
Neonatal.
No, that's what I gotta go look for.
They're still in me.
Yeah, I'm more worried about disinfecting it.
They're all in here.
They're not in here.
Yeah, it's still in me.
Yeah, I'm more worried about disinfecting it.
it before pulling it out. It'll be fine. You're gonna hurt oh hell yeah. Mark with the field
and that shit. Record it Brenna. Yeah it's all recorded. You ready? One, two, oh shit.
One, two, no that is fully barbed in there. That is not coming straight out. I'm gonna
watch this video. Is it just one or two? It's two. Well I can try and see if the other one's
barbed in the same way. Is it hooked? One, two, three. Yeah no I can see there's blood coming out.
No one do research. No.
No.
Alright so the answer is to use a pair of pliers and yank it out tearing the skin on the way.
And this is in a hospital. So we could go there they'd have lidocaine to give you at the very
end. I'd go into the hospital. That's somebody passing me a cigarette. I actually don't.
Holding that. You're a little peroxided. Oh give me rip me off one square
or like a piece or whatever. That's what I was trying to say you should probably want to.
Alright. Don't just yank it. I'm not well I mean you're gonna have to at a certain point.
Alright. One, two, oh on three I'm gonna start pulling okay. One, two.
Oh nice. One, two, three.
Okay. Is it on there? The barb is on there.
We gotta keep those barbs though. Those are going on the pipe. Oh yeah.
Those are gonna frame them into a pair of earrings or something.
Oh the guy at the gift shop is like reproduction.
Oh definitely wedding bands. You got your certificate. He has his math. Oh yeah.
Wait no. You're fighting with another motherfucker.
Congratulations. I've never been more proud of you. I didn't want to slap you on the back.
I'm looking forward to being one of the 16's yous on YouTube.
I'm just fucking let you bring it. And we're back.
Hell yeah. Walk us through how that felt man.
So you know we shot the whole skit or whatever and even because we shot multiple scenes multiple
times and so when we shot that last scene it was just one time and my whole thing was I was like
I bet I can stand up and take it and I don't know how the tape looks because we didn't get to watch
it yet but I felt like and I just felt like that I stood there for a second and I was like oh yeah I
got this and then another jolt of electricity hit my side and I was like oh that wasn't the noise
but yeah I get the idea. What did the noise sound like? I really don't know.
And I don't know if I was trying to take a step or something or I just like football dive to the
I don't really know what I did. It's like you were reaching out kind of. You fell forward.
That jolt when it was in me that jolt like definitely not all the way paralyzed the side
of my body but it definitely made it go like oh shit you could control me if you want to
and thankfully Mark Viola didn't keep the voltage on too long but yeah it was fun and then
as you guys seen we got the prod stuck in my back for a good 20 minutes.
Yeah.
A good 20 minutes. Shout out to Alex for taking it out.
Dude it was so fucking funny because we'd be like Ian go get this and he'd like walk to the door
and then just walk back like Ian are you getting that? And then you go eat like a fucking ice
cream sandwich. Was he really eating an ice cream sandwich? No I just said that. Oh my god.
It seemed like something he would do. Shout out Ian though man. I fucking love Ian. We should have
got him to take him out with those fucking forearms dude. Yeah well I thought he was
because he's CLS so that means he has to go you don't have to take prongs out of somebody's back
but he knows more shit than the average. Yeah he knows more shit than average and I thought we were
gonna have to go to the emergency room because you pulled on them and then Mark Viola pulled on them.
Well I never pulled them. Who was the first one? Okay so then Alex pulled them and then
Mark Viola pulled them and then I was like well they're clearly not coming out. Yeah.
And then whenever Alex did it the second time what the what the fuck those things called?
The four sips. Four sips man came right out. Yeah dude and y'all joked on me for looking up the
YouTube video man. Came in clutch. Came in clutch. Smart little plop for that. Hell yeah man that was crazy.
Just never makes fun of somebody for trying to. Yeah. Saw that smoke that came out. I thought you died. Me too when I heard it.
And the smoke. Man dude it's like the Revolutionary War right there. I'm like my friend. It was like a
Revolutionary War reenactment. The British came. And then they had Mark Viola there who definitely does reenactments.
I mean. Oh yeah. He has the gear. For Fallout probably. Who's gonna be the Jew?
I'll tell you right now. Shout out Alex Z. Shout out Alex Z. Great joke. Alex Z. Did you get that applause?
But that was brutal dude. That was good. You're a trooper for doing that. I could tell. I knew before
you were talking all that shit and you said the review like somebody left a review on it where
it's like yeah it could probably penetrate the skin but some of my shirt would have to be off.
Yeah because that's why I took that. That's why I had the cut out of the shirt like that because
all the bad reviews were like this thing won't. Now they didn't do it.
So they didn't really know but they were like oh this thing wouldn't penetrate a shirt or something
like that. And that's why you can't trust anybody. Yeah and then I wanted to be like authentic and
get up in there. Yeah. And it did. It was. I mean it took pressure for you guys to get them out.
Oh yeah. It was like a good amount of pressure to get it out. But you know what I'm saying I guess
I'll show you. Brandon close your eyes man. Is it in there? Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah it has the bandage
on it. So you know. It was for real. It was legit. Yeah. We lay it on the line here at Clown Cult.
I could tell it hurt a lot more than you thought it was going to. Oh yeah. Oh yeah and while they
were in my back and like it wasn't like legit 20 minutes while they were in my back and I was like
when I was laying down it was still okay but when I stood up I was like damn this shit hurts.
Started pulling on it? Yeah I was like I can feel something in my back now. But yeah. That's good.
You know what it's a good self-defense. Now I guess next time I should try pepper spray. Yeah.
Now I have them. To compare which one would be the best self-defense. Yeah I don't have anything to
compare it to but the pepper spray does suck because it lasts for hours. Oh no. See I don't
want that. Yeah. I would have definitely rather did this then. Yeah. Yeah. Well we'll see.
We'll see next year. Oh yeah we'll still be here. Yes we will. Guaranteed. Clown College gang, gang
throw them gang signs. Baby what's your shit? Huh? Clown College. Maybe not. They already have dibs
on that one. Oh they already got dibs. What is that? The Crips. Crips. When I did this? Well that's
Oregon. What? Oh no man no. Hold on you part of Jay Z crew? Dude I'm part of my Brandon Willis.
You rock while I'm on the fuck? No I don't. You're part of the Clown College crew. Yeah yeah. Maybe
something like this. No what is that? It's two C's but it looks like an S. We're part of the CCP bro.
Oh no. Is that something? Clown College podcast. Yeah. Clown College podcast. So you support the
CCP. Clown College podcast yes. The CCP. The Clown College podcast yes. But you support the CCP
that's our initials. Oh then if that's for our initials yeah. Say it then. Say it with your
chest and your microphone. Yep. Clown College podcast. Just say the initials Brandon. Say me how.
Just say I support the CCP. Can I search and see? Brandon we're on camera. Fuck it yep the CCP.
Hell yeah. Say it. I support the CCP. All right. Clown College. No freedom for Hong Kong. Clown
College. Oh man look they set you up. That's how they get you. Alex can you see this? On my camera.
This is what they shot me with. It's like a little harpoon bro. You got a Moby Dicked.
Penetrated. It works. Now if somebody's on meth though any kind of like upper drug I don't think
they work. Well at least this one wouldn't work. You need to get an industrial size.
He needed to get a fucking whopper one. Tell them to take down guys. I'm just glad it wasn't like
a treble hook with the three prongs because that would have been nasty bro. It would have pulled
out both sides of the skin. Oh man. And it wouldn't have been sharp enough so. Yeah it would have
taken out like a piece of you. Oh yeah. Yeah your back would have been hanging on it. We would have
been like damn man. I love how we were all out there doing this and then we couldn't get the
prongs out and I think it was like did you guys look this up before you did it? I tried to tell
you that was gonna happen. Yeah at the time I was like well clearly they have a quick release.
How does a barb quick release out of your skin? I just didn't think it would be that hard to pull
out. Dude they're meant to stick in people running away or trying to attack you. With clothes on.
Well next time we'll do it better. We'll do it. You live and learn. You live and learn.
You learn. We gotta rotate these. Like next time Brandon jumps out of plane you get shot and then
what happened? What'd you do Brandon? Oh man I wrestled man. I did pro wrestling.
Huh? Like WWE you know. Okay who'd you wrestle dude? Adam Priest. Hell yeah. Was he a
formidable opponent? Oh dude that match was amazing. He fucked you up. Yeah it was like a dream come
true. He beat the shit out of you. Yes he did. It was a dream come true. We can't even describe it bro.
You're just gonna have to watch it. You gotta watch. That shit was crazy. Check it out.
Clown College presents Adam Priest vs The Beast. I hope you paid your dues.
The Priest will exercise his enemy. It's bear season. This November 2nd Huntsville it's going down.
Adam the Priest from AEW will be smacking down the Black Bear. The Black Bear fresh from hibernation.
There's six more weeks of winter.
It's going down. Now look here I know Adam Priest done NXT, AEW and all that stuff but guess what? He
never went against the Black Bear. You know me? The Black motherfucking Bear. I could take down
anybody man. Look I can do open mics. I'm in the streets. I do I skint this motherfucking bear and
I'm gonna skin him on that ring. Just watch. You'll see. It's going down. Me and my manager Pat.
Welcome podcast fans. We are at Rocket City Wrestling with Adam Priest, world-class wrestler.
You might have seen him on AEW, NXT, Ring of Honor, around the world, Germany, Thailand,
Bangladesh. He's been there and he's here to teach Brandon Willis the ropes of wrestling.
The big Black Bear as they call him right? Isn't that it? Absolutely. Listen wrestling's all about
fun. Nobody's gonna get hurt here. We're just gonna teach him the ropes. Maybe do a bump or two as
they say in the ring you know and we're just gonna have a good fun time. Let's get to it.
So first rule is everything's in the middle. Okay. Okay. Here's what we're gonna do first.
We're gonna learn the ball. Okay. So what we're gonna do is, is you're gonna get like about to
take a shit. Rule number one tuck your fucking chin. Okay. So when you go down always tuck your
chin or you're gonna be walking around like two of a tongue above. You know what I'm saying? Like
you're fucking concussed. Chin tucked and there you go. All right you see what I did there?
You're gonna go the middle of your back needs to hit flat and you slap it all at the same time.
It's um what's it called? Uh fucking it ain't geometry. Uh what is it called? What is it
called? Fucking uh. Physics. Physics. Oh physics. If like if just your shoulder hits the ground
the shit's gonna hurt but as much of your body hits at the same time it don't hurt as bad.
All right ready go.
Do another one.
Not bad. Do another one.
Not bad. What are you fucking clapping for? Is that your stupid fucking bear? Yeah.
Yeah. Is that the gimmick? Yeah. Brandon Black Bear will.
You're gonna go through hit.
So don't be choppy when you hit. One two hit. You should always be hitting the same way.
So like you see how my leg is like this when I'm hitting I'm planting.
All right try that first. This usually always goes bad first time but we'll see how you do it.
So
imagine there's a line going here and a line going there. So if you're coming off and I go
for a clothesline what's up? Can I take my aileron real quick? Oh yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
You do kind of got like an area bitch I think going on right now.
Oh yeah. Put your hands over stand up put your hands over here.
Take your time man. Yeah. He said the next part is not that bad. Yeah.
Yeah you only got a little bit left and it's just you're not doing a bump.
Yeah.
Wipe off.
Pick it up. Yeah. Okay.
Five. Oh yeah.
It's not bad. You think you're something. That's how athletic you are okay. When I whip you the
corner you're going to go up. You can use the bottom rope if you have to. If not it's called
up and over. And I'll go on you. Okay. Ready? All right.
All right.
He thinks he's fucking good or something. Call the five and five real. See how I'm holding you
right there? Yeah. So it's not this it's not that it's just this. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Just so just enough to hold on to each other. So here's what's going to happen. So go to the rope.
So I'm going to whip you but I'm not going to let go of you.
You're going to keep hitting them that high. You know what I'm saying?
You see where we're tugging there? And you whip me off the rope and you pull and just step.
And you just stay out of my way. Remember that line I told you about? Yep. Right in the middle.
All right.
All right. On the bumping thing I want you to hit the rope. And when your chest
touch my hand you bump. Okay. This time I'm going to throw a line. Hitting you here and you just bump.
Okay. You're tucking but you tuck too soon I'm going to hit you in the mouth. So put your arm up.
Okay. Hands down. Hands down. Do it again. All right.
So you got to trust me. Cool with you. You're not going to grab my dick. Okay. You know what I'm saying?
We're all buddies here anyway. All right. A, B, C, D. Okay. This hand over me.
And then you keep slipping off. Push in there. Yeah. See? A, B, C.
You can lay it over. You ain't got to fucking tweak it. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm going to get you up
here and just tuck your chin and I'll put you over on your back. Okay. So it's on me. But you can't
fuck me. Okay. All right. A, B, C. Quit sticking that out. Okay. It's here. Just get in on me.
It's not gay. We're just hanging out. Are you homophobic? No. No. Not at all. I got nothing to
get. Well this 2024 dude you can't be fucking homophobic. Okay. All right. All right. I mean he's gay.
Yeah. That's okay. Okay. A, B, C. Like that? Yeah. A little bit more. A, B, C.
A, B, C. That make sense? Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. One, two.
Oh shit.
Get up.
All right. So you're going to give me the body slam. Oh shit. Okay.
So you're going to go. Hang on. You're right handed? I'm left handed.
All right. So put your left hand under me. All right. All right. And you're going to
flip me up and I'll lay on your shoulders for a second. Don't put me down. Okay.
All right. Switch this hand over my head. All right. Yeah. And then you're going to put me down.
Not right now, but that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. See that shit? Yeah. Let's go. Hell yeah.
Hey, I don't know what the fuck you're celebrating about. You wouldn't be able to do that shit if I
didn't let you. That's what the fuck we're doing here. Okay. I don't know what you're celebrating
when you're fucking buddy for. I'll let you come in here. I'm trying to teach you a thing or two
and you're going to fucking celebrate like you've done something. You know what? Take the fucking
stupid ass mask off. Take it off. Come here.
Oh shit.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I got you. I got you. I got you. Now I'm not having
I've seen Adam Friedman and NHB, AEW and all that shit,
but he never dealt with this,
the motherfucking black thing.
Did you just call that fucking bear a beast?
Oh, now it's personal.
Huh?
He did it.
It's your stupid fucking bear, huh?
Or I think it's your stupid fucking black bear.
Oh!
This motherfucker wants to chop me?
Like he thinks he's gonna come in here and do some stuff?
I'm here teaching him how to do this shit.
He didn't know the way around.
So that's the problem.
Everybody comes in here and acts like
they can come in here and do what I do.
That's not how it's gonna go.
It's about to get a whole lot more ugly on this.
Hell yeah, man!
That's what's up!
Yeah!
What's up?
Yeah!
Brandon, when Adam hit you with that first chop,
I thought your chest exploded.
Yeah, when I saw it in person, like listen,
when I saw it on the footage, that was crazy
because I don't know if it was adrenaline or whatever,
but when I got slapped in the stung,
but I was like, oh shit, all right, that's a good one.
Boom, but when I saw it on camera,
that looked like a massacre.
Dude, it was so loud and like,
your fucking sweat and like chalk flew off.
It was crazy.
Like a wave.
That shit looked like, I mean,
the way he was beating the shit out of you was insane.
I was, we were, were we not legit scared?
That was not acting at all.
That's not acting.
Like not even a little bit.
I thought we were gonna have to act
and then he hit you with that and I was like,
what the fuck?
Yeah, yeah, that was crazy.
It was crazy.
That was crazy.
I was fearful.
I thought you were gonna die.
Yeah.
Hey man, that would've, hey,
glaze of glory, you know what I mean?
It was-
Gaze of glory.
Not gaze of glory.
That's a G-O-G.
Well, how'd they say it?
Fade the glory?
What is it?
Blades of glory.
I just said, blades.
That has nothing to do with this.
But basically-
Are you talking about the,
the movie?
Yeah, the movie.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, that was, man, dude,
dream come true.
Yeah.
Like that was, yeah.
How did it feel?
Black Bear, it was good.
It felt good.
That could not have been better.
Adam, thank you, bro.
Thank you.
You are a beast.
Thank you, man.
Rocket City Wrestling.
Thank you.
Rocket City Wrestling.
Right off 431-231, behind Cosmos Fitness,
every first and third, or Saturday of the month?
Yeah.
Yeah, go check it out.
Go check it out.
And it's fun.
It's legit, ring.
It's legit, bro.
It's a legit intro.
Nice bathroom.
Oh, yeah.
Perfect.
Plenty of drinks.
Yeah.
It's tight, bro.
Go to that and check it out.
We're so lucky.
And thank, shout out to Kim for hooking us up
with Adam Pree.
Thank you, man.
Thank you, Jessica.
Thank you.
Kim and Jessica, you guys have been so supportive
of Clown College.
Yes.
And thank you.
And the whole comedy scene, not just stand up,
but all the comedy scene around Huntsville.
So I can't believe you took so many bumps.
Oh, yeah, man, dude.
That was-
And it was fun.
Just got back up.
You got tough.
You got tired for a little bit.
Yeah.
Yeah, I had a little asthma.
That happens to the best.
But that's what happens.
You saw what happened to Mike Tyson.
He gotta get back in shape.
Like me, I had to get back into it.
But after that, you were perfect.
Oh, yeah.
You were more perfect learning.
I mean, it was harder for you to learn and part,
because of so many slams and those bumps.
We all took a bump.
Yeah.
Yeah, and Pat took a bump.
Took two of us to help him.
But we did it.
It took a lot of us.
It took the whole crew, man.
To pick Pat up.
That was scary, man.
That was scary.
I was scared.
I was like, damn, man, you might be in this ring
for a long time.
I saw whenever he was taking the bump,
I saw Adam Priest.
He wasn't really paying attention.
And he heard Pat was gonna take one.
So he looked up.
He was nervous,
because I don't think he had the insurance to cover.
What was ever gonna happen?
When the ring imploded.
Oh my gosh, the ring just fucking break or something.
You were like, oh shit.
Like when Brock Lesnar slammed the Big Show?
Yeah, or like on 2013,
when you'd had the Big Show on Mark Henry,
just break that thing.
I shouldn't have started this conversation.
Yeah, yeah, it went too far.
You did, you did, man.
Wrestling's crazy.
Speaking of wrestling,
I got like a Hulk Hogan autograph.
That was crazy.
Oh, sick.
On the case of beer.
Yep.
What was the beer called?
It was called, what was it?
The Great American Beer?
Because you're a patriot.
Yeah.
You're damn right.
Yeah.
What's wrong with being a patriot?
Nuffin', that's good shit.
I'm betting I hear you say anything different.
I didn't fight for this fucking country
for you to think it's bad,
being a patriot.
No, I don't think that's bad.
That's good shit.
Patriot forever.
So I guess our next goal for the next year
is to get Brandon on Fox News.
Yes.
That is the goal.
But just think about it,
if you're on Fox News, dude, Hulk Hogan,
you might be able to meet him.
There's a good chance that, not just meet him,
but sit in the green room with him.
Just meet him at a convention, though, man.
That's not real.
Dude, you wanna be a part of this.
Yeah.
Be on the right side of history.
The right?
What'd I go, I mean, I don't,
see, I don't know, I don't know much about politics.
No, it's fine.
It's not politics.
It's not political at all.
It's all for money.
Yeah.
It's a news channel.
It's a huge new channel.
It's news entertainment.
Yeah.
Like sports and sports entertainment.
Mm-hmm.
So like CNN living like, hey.
Dude, you can say whatever.
It's the wrestling of the news.
Yeah, you can talk about your views on the gays
and everything.
But I,
We know how you feel.
I don't have a view.
You don't have to explain.
I don't have a view.
We know how you feel, dude.
I think that everything's cool, man.
We should get Brandon on The View.
Hey.
That's shit.
Like Whoopi Goldberg, is that where she's from?
Yes.
Yeah.
Dude, we might get you a cabinet position at this rate.
I'd do it.
What's the movie she was in?
Sister Act.
Come on.
Ooh, Dirty Dancing.
Yep, and Ghost, remember you watched Ghost?
No, yes, that's exactly what I was trying to say, Ghost.
Yeah.
She was on Ghost, not Dirty Dancing.
She's never done that.
So The View and Fox News will split.
I don't know.
Because I don't, me, I don't know about,
I don't know about these news channels.
They look pretty serious on there, man.
Yeah, but they're selling it.
I know they're selling it.
They're heels, they're all heels.
I don't, they're heels for real.
I don't believe this.
Dude, look at Tucker Carlson.
He's chill as fuck.
He's a heel?
Yeah.
Well, not anymore.
Not anymore.
Now everything he says is 100% correct.
Based.
He's based as hell.
Based.
Yeah, so you're gonna, it's fine.
You'll do Fox News, then you'll transition,
then you'll be on The View.
All right.
We're in.
I'm gonna go to Scientology.
I'm gonna be in Scientologists.
What happened?
I guess I'll try to resurrect the Black Panther.
Are they still kicking around?
Wow, this stuff all shifted.
You should be a Black Israelite.
I can do that.
Let's do that.
Let's go all the way deep in.
Okay.
You know?
I'll get in there, dude.
Should I take those melanin pills
that Robert Downey Jr. took for traffic?
Nothing will please me more.
Dude, what if I just show up and I'm black?
Holy shit.
With this hair.
That'd be crazy as hell, man.
I feel like damn.
Would you support me if I transitioned to black?
Dude, you.
Hold on.
You can do whatever you want.
Thank you, Brandon.
He didn't say you support him.
Yeah, there you go.
No, say you support him, Brandon.
I guess, I mean.
What the hell, Brandon?
I thought we were friends, dude.
You're not gonna support your own friend,
but you support somebody else?
You support fucking Hulk Hogan,
but you wanna support your own fucking friend?
I don't support Hulk Hogan doing that.
You're not gonna support your N-word over here, dude?
Oh, whoa.
I didn't say it.
Not yet.
But when I'm black, I will say it.
Brandon, you tell everybody right now
if JJ wants to wear blackface,
goddamn, he can do it.
No, okay, no, no.
Sammy Sosa turned white.
I don't even know who that is.
Sammy So-So.
Sammy So-So?
Yeah, Sammy So-So and Mark Mabey.
Mark Mabey.
You hear this, Dennis?
Yo, don't talk to Dennis like that, bro.
You made fun of him for wearing a dress
and now you wanna be friendly with him?
And it's a blouse, it's not a dress, it's a blouse.
It's a nice blouse.
Probably cost thousands of dollars.
Probably does, talking about from Victorious.
No, no, no.
It's a Victorious secret one.
It could be.
I thought you were talking about the TV show.
Not Victorious.
He's WWE superstar Dennis Rodman.
Oh yeah, him and Karl Malone.
Really?
Karl Malone has never done anything bad.
Never.
It's a different right there.
Wait, do you know Victorious?
The TV show.
You don't know, I knew he would.
He was 30 when that show came out.
Of course, so you didn't watch,
of course, did you watch Nickelodeon in 2013?
No.
No, he wasn't our age.
We were 10.
I was down watching Nickelodeon.
Victorious is a crazy show.
It's on, what is that documentary called?
With Dan Snyder?
Oh, the Dan Snyder documentary.
Yeah, because he was.
Crazy about feet.
Victorious was a good show.
Perfect show.
All right, boys.
A year down.
One year in the books.
One year down.
Many more to go.
I'll be black this next year.
Brandon will be a woman and we'll...
Be Portuguese.
Probably still be kind of the same, Portuguese, yeah.
Let's go with this.
Yes, that's exactly what we're gonna do.
Thank you, big thank you to everybody
who actually gonna put on the screen after this.
Bang, bang.
Thank you.
Climb College.
Hell yeah.
I just...
N who heard
Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, ask for my number, gave you 14 digits, my money stack higher
after 14, ha, hey, man, you know what I mean, and when I be on stage I'm tryna be obscene,
don't play with me, I got DIDs, dissociative identities, jokes galore, I got a plenty,
choke a rat out like I'm Lenny, and I'm holding a mouse, because I'm all about cheese, and
my evil twin be Chinese, tell me is it real like V said V, when the rap gave me D I mean,
punchlines hit a nigga and it's clean, pull up to the scene, I'm way too clean, yeah,
black panther, hidden dragon, still hit the stage with my pants sagging, we in retrograde,
I feel the time lapse, niggas wanna get a peep in my map, where am I going, why you
saying that, it was money on the table, I had to take that, I call my blood facts, I
had to face that, it be sitting on my face like Rayman, shit be sitting on my face like
Rayman, wait no haha, I'm just saying, y'all gotta stop playing with me like I'm playing
man.