This week on clown college
Okay, so who's doing this first you
Who you try to know somebody you could be driving I'm gonna read it to whom you're attracted to first choice
You got both men and women
mostly people of the opposite sex from mine mostly people the same sex is mine only
People okay, they're trying to confuse the
One I clicked on was the one said only people the same say yeah, yeah, that's just my preference. Yeah. Yeah, that's his preference
Okay, who you had sex with both men and women both men and women prefer
But I prefer people opposite both men and women, but I prefer the same as my dad's
Okay, only people of sex of mine
Welcome to clown college we have profound knowledge in many ways to elevate and make his own polish
So if you want to hear a little honest few takes on a ways to make it as a comic the stick around for a while
If you're down to clown, we got to guess right now just to show you how
I
Watch the whole thing. I remember the first drink. That was your first one. Everybody was here. Yeah
Oh, and you took six shots in that time. I mean do we you know
Maybe go
We're just having fun. Hell yeah, we're chillin
Uh-huh back with a Halloween episode. Oh
You're a weird dog
Was your winner dog I take back wait I fight for the ones that they took from me
They took your wiener
Man all the hot dogs they kill him and I should a do you like this circa the ghost of circumcisions past?
What's that right there what they circumcised King Arthur with
Damn
Hell yeah, that's a fucking defender of the hot dog sender the hot dog man. That's number one
Who's your number one arch menaces?
Narcissus nemesis. I guess the people at the hot dog. What's the dude to be like? Hey get your dog
Get your hot dog hot dog card guy. Come on. Get it hot. It's hot get this way
No, you know those people to be at the hot dog stand. Yeah, and then uh, yeah
Yeah, yeah in that case is bad
Yeah, that's horrible
Like I would rather it be some dude just walk around with his junk out top my ass and weaner man cuz I'm a hot dog
And I don't fuck with that. So oh right cuz it's like people selling your kind
You'd rather a naked
Who's branded no
Okay, it's now weird this is well, you just tell you just telling us you'd rather see a naked man
Then a hot dogs. Oh, I was he's a hot dog. I was acting like I was the hot dog were I mean real mean
I'm and go to the hot dogs
You like hot dogs. No, when's the last time you had a hot dog?
Wow, really? I can't tell you. Hmm cuz uh, it's confident
I watched him like make it all the time and it's just that helps all the time
I've you watch the make like if you watch people make hot dog, you know, they played it at fast
I mean, I was gonna say it is what's playing behind us
The fucking fat Sammy's work, that's so crazy that they do it's just on a loop. Do they serve hot dogs? No
Oh, it literally makes it feel like we're doing a tick tock
I get stand up on the bottom and then a fucking how it's made on top
It's fucking wild and they fuck Brandon up that one time cuz they had wrestling on like a 1988 wrestling
Uh, you remember the match? Yes. It was a had Hulk Hogan. I saw Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Was it saw just lot in there? I feel like he would but I could be wrong
I look like it was towards the 90s probably I could have been a survivor series early 90s early
That's my guess okay blurry Brandon this is it's another huge deal guys in it
He's a huge wrestling fan. Yes. Yeah, right. But now you're gonna become a wrestler
Brandon the black bear Willis
Supreme that's a good-ass dude. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, and you're gonna fuck up who fuck up who Adam Priest? Oh
He's a WWE superstar. Oh, yeah, but you know, yeah Brandon the black bear will have different guy man
Like I watched him perform and shit, and you know, he's good. He's good. He whoops ass. I'm wearing his robe
Is he is he though a WWE star caliber like Adam Priest dude? He could
If he had to be if he puts in the training stuff and goes out to these wrestling matches
I'm brussels in the backyard talk about you got fucked up by a black bread and he could do this shit. No
What's his backstory well, there's two things one his backstory is that he went on a journey to Gatlin Berg in the woods
Mm-hmm and saw black bears and he was like man. I love black bed man. It powerful there
Intelligent there elegant and they look good and you know that could be me
But he also has another theory that he went out into them woods one night
He got fucked up by this black belt like it was horrible beat his ass
But guess what out of nowhere? I don't know what the fuck happened
But I don't know if it was cocaine or whatever the fuck a crack because you know
So he got extra powers and fucked this bear up somehow
Oh and even stuffed it it walks around fit all the time. Mm-hmm. God damn. That's how tough he is
He sounds menacing. Yeah, very menacing. I'll fuck with him. Hey
I'm scared for Adam. Please. I'm not gonna want to hell. Yeah, I don't know. Is that a priest ever been mauled?
Alright, the black bear. He's crazy. The black bear has and he fucking survived it. Hell fucking yeah
Show him the scar show him the scar. I'm not the black bear. Oh
No
You would see it man. It's the goat. That's how Doug warrior. Yeah
Go you know something you see all Cogan an ultimate warrior. Yeah, they got nothing on the black. Oh shit
Oak Hogan calls him something different
Different subspecies of black bear cause I'm dinner. Oh
Yeah, yeah, I think that's exactly what JJ was talking about that's not what I was saying it arrives
Which part we eating today, huh? Yeah that's
Yeah
Apex predators eat from the ass. Yes, they do. Yeah, are you a peg predator? No, cuz that's a snake, right?
It could be
depends on what food
Chain you're looking at that's top of the chain, right of all the chains. No, what's the top?
I
Mean the lion man. It's a king right lines the king of the food all the food. Yeah, like the top of a pet
He got nothing on the black bear. You know, T. Why?
Why do you want why?
So this black bear pull it with a fucking gun. It's a black bear don't play
They were in these streets
Despite only making up 13% of the bear
Disproportionate amount of guns
It's estimated they're not registered yeah, they're all illegal cuz they can't fucking yeah, yeah
I
Like ace
Boogie allegedly
Allegedly, yeah, you can make your own guns in Alabama, right?
You can do anything. Yeah, but not ones to commit crimes
Dude, what about the Japanese guy that built the fucking gun to shoot their prime minister?
Plastic. Yeah, yeah because you got through the metal tech. That's good
Well, the the Prime Minister's name, what he is Shinzo Abe that's his name. That's the Prime Minister's name
I don't know who the murderer's name type that in
Shinzo Shinzo
Do you think there was a guy from a shitty town in Japan that nobody knows about that could have blocked the bullet and been?
The James S Brady of like Okinawa. It's gonna be hard to be James S Brady
Assassination
Yeah
He's the one got shot. Yeah, he's the Prime Minister that yeah, that's the guy who shot him, right?
They don't even show the guy's face for at least he had a mask on he was being safe
Oh, yeah, at least somebody cared about Kovac. No. Mm-hmm
Is it for too long? That's the dude. Yeah. Oh, I would hate to die about somebody look like that
It's like the guy this guy went after Trump. Look at this good. Yeah, it's racist. Hey, yeah
Look at the fucking fallout man max gun. That looks like a bowling alley laser tag gun down for 30 years
It's like a laser gun for fallout
Just electrical tape wood and fucking tubes. It's got to be like some kind of propellant. So
See hard seal to I don't know
I'm getting shot. No, that's like right before that's at the event. Did this guy die? Yeah Shinzo Abe died
Damn bro, he was successfully. Yeah, dude. That's fucked because when this got good
I mean, I mean, you know politicians. Yeah, I don't think he was like Obama or anything, but
Yeah, I don't think he was bad
My president is black my Lambo too
And I'll be god damned if my rims ain't too his words to live by
Yeah, what would though? What would the Japanese version be done? What would they say and those president is?
Alex Z back on the pot
Alex Z cosplaying is the guy that arrested him. I've reached out him. Yeah
Hong Kong PD
No, we still don't like black people. Oh, yeah. No Japanese cool. Yeah. No, there are many there are novel there are novelty
Yeah, but they treat them right. Yeah
Kind of like now the Chinese
Your people it depends where you go. Yeah
Yeah, which part should I not go to I want to go to China you do want to I do okay China
Well, the visit I don't know just go somewhere nice. They're gonna touch you like they're gonna touch your face. Oh, yeah
I'll see you're gonna be like, okay
You should do that thing that that guy in the Iron Man costume did where he takes the mask off
He has the white fucking fun, but you should be dressed as a hot dog. Literally my favorite
look up a
Black man scares Asian lady. Just look Chinese woman amazed by black
Already had it in the iron man. It's purple
You are screen recording right? Yeah
But oh my god, that's so fucking good. It's so real. It's not even funny
That is so my grandma would react that way. He did it fucking perfect. I don't go go back play the boys
Play and they didn't even use karate you need that on the soundboard
Oh
Did you think he knew that was gonna happen I don't know and that was real that was that was pure right there
I wish you stand in so watch this
Here that's funny, did you just call it braziers? Yeah, it's brass brassers
You've been saying that the whole time man, yeah
Browsers brass brass how it's spelled
First of all, you shouldn't make fun of people with disability
Well, we have to delete this entire podcast every episode ever
Somebody get something dude. It's been rough. It's been a rough. It's been a rough 51 episodes
51 you guys got any alien stories aliens aliens aliens. What about they're not real got any alien stories
Alien stories, that's a good. I don't think I got one
I don't really see I think I feel like people that encounter shit like that
They like kinda are like asking for it in a way, you know, they want to see it. Yeah, they kind of want us
I kind of don't because I feel like if I ever saw some shit like that
I would in order to cope with it
I would have to become a crazy or like it would just like make me actually schizophrenic
Like I'd either become like a bigfoot hunter or I'd just go nuts
Who do you think is the most likely to get abducted by aliens in the group in the in the game?
Well, oh and the gang with some Oh Jake probably because he would go towards it without he's narcissistic enough to think
Aliens want would want something from him and then they would just like go right past him and get Brandon
Yeah, yeah, he keep trying to jump into like the tractor beam. Yeah, it just won't pick him up
They just haven't made that technology strong enough to get him
Yeah
We sense too much metal in his pocket
Are you gone you know fuck with aliens
You don't want to get pro would you let him get taken up
Yeah, who's taking up Jake Jake? Nah, man, I blame and that's that's my bro. You can't you can't do that
But you gonna run though to run. Yeah, I'm gonna run at him. That's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna grab I'm gonna girl push Jake like come on man
We're gonna run but Jake just is still recovering for the past year from his groin surgery
And he had that really bad inner ear infection
So he wouldn't be he's not mobile enough
And then I'll carry
Don't drag JJ into this
That's Brandon's David Goggins who's gonna carry the boat
Speaking of Jake being immobile do we played basketball
We played basketball Jake is like 5% better than you think he would be which is still nothing
But he has like this super flat shot. He just goes straight forward
No arc at all and his face was like a burgundy color
After deep purple dude, one of the stripes on Dom's shirt and just like he's guarding you with his hands in his hoodie pocket
I don't do it's because it's not meant to be
And then also I just like throw out there that uh, Matthew lumber lost
Me and Blake Russell beat Jake and Matthew lumber team pop
So Matthew lumber so Brandon you were lying to us. That means JJ is better than or you are better than Matthew lumber
You said who's better Matthew either either both are I mean both of us are yeah, that means both of you guys are
Is this Jake don't know? Yeah, this was from earlier. I was saying this is this what it looked like on the court when he got
Oh came late came late this
Scene fucked me up as a kid. Yeah
I didn't like what is this glue Charlie and the Chocolate Factory not that that's that's the original one
Yeah, no, this is the 2006 one the top ones original the bottom the second room. Yeah, it's Gene Wilder
This is Charlie. I mean, yeah
I didn't I liked it till her face got fat
Who was that Taylor fucking Momsen who the fuck was that?
That was like some some now famous star something. I don't know when she was a kid. He's only fans now
Yeah, yeah, well, she does specifically violet Beauregard. So what movies was she?
Because like I
Was I was a kid I used to watch movies. No way
Don't believe it you watch whole movies. Oh, man, do you know it the ones I could watch which ones could you watch?
Mainly shark tails. Okay, I couldn't really watch I just didn't understand why they had a car wash underwater
That was crazy
Realize doesn't even make it. I would they make that movie so
Like do why is he gonna like then they gonna have a shark mafia and they all scared of a fucking fish
Like you just smack that bitch in half or eat it. You know, it just doesn't make any sense
It didn't make it. It's like that movie's not realistic at all. Yeah, you would and you wouldn't think you would think
That's fucked up. Yeah
It is crazy, man
Cuz none of that's right and then you got the corn dogs and then I saw
a
Soggy corn dog that's what I'm saying
And they must have had a lot of oil on it because the oil and the water don't mix who had prevented scrubbing a fucking whales
Tongue and shit. That's freaky graffiti
Huh? Why they scrubbed the tongue on a car wash and then he would burp and like the whales of the college. Yeah
You never seen
I haven't seen that one. We gotta watch that. Yeah
We should just scrap all the other plans we had for a year and watch
He went back on it immediately they got an underground underwater city
It is nice dude, he has a one point he's in a penthouse apartment
I used to go to bed watching the city reef tours
Gup
Talk about he could stop that
What that's the big shark he's going up against yeah, well no these kids this one
So this this shark kind of a pussy, you know, it's like he's a little bit. Well, what do they call it?
Simple
You too nervous
I'm out there. He's like I'm not fucking with these fishes Jake jake ish
Shy
Yeah, he is shy. He's shy. He's not violent. He doesn't like to eat his pacifist
He's passive is he only eat seaweed. Okay vegan algae. He would die in the matter of weeks
Oh, yeah, because like what else you gonna eat? You're gonna save the shrimp. Yeah, he's a shrimp
Not me out the window, you know, what's money that cost probably not
I don't know how much for the fish but us man. That's like $20. Yeah
You can't just be passing out born shrimp. Yeah red lobster or something bubble gum. I don't know what
He lost me. Yeah. Yeah, I don't remember that scene. I love I'm talking about real food
That's how we were talking about shrimp cuz he was like I was like in real life. That's $20
I can't tell you what the fish life but I'm talking about like here. I can't go on at the bottom of the sea. Yeah
Okay, so we got
Talk about some melody we got we got the the year
Episode coming up it's gonna be fucking yeah, that's fucking crazy year every week. You're gonna get fucked up
Yeah, we're all gonna get fucked. What's happening to you JJ. I'm skydiving dude jumping out alone skydiving
I know alone with just a man. They didn't say where they were gonna drop me
I would hope it's not you know anywhere near the Middle East or Eastern Europe right now 13 hour flight
That would be sick videos you get up there Dom is up there with a gun
I
Mean you think you can fly a plane
I've never been on the plane like this would have been my first time ever getting it in the sky
Hey, that would have been an amazing first time
Oh my god, I've never been in the hey, we're gonna lose weight. We're going on this next year already lost weight
So you can get on now?
How you could do both
No, you know and then JJ just gets it cuz my thing is I'm getting shot with a with the taser with the taser gun
that sticks the prods in your back, yeah, and
JJ would just get that done with me and then you two jump
That's how they push me out of the plane hit me with the taser
And it's like a bungee jump thing yeah, you accidentally hit the instructor
That
That would be the terrible death I would you would just know you're gonna hit the ground shit
I'd be eyes would be on like Brandon be on like Instagram Mike sales on Instagram. Oh shit
He done fell from this guy
You forgot to pull the parachute, bro
His son just joined the army
With the woke mob wants you to believe that tired of them
That's why hold on Brandon
Yeah, hold your gold dollar up
You know in the back
Look on the right. Oh my gosh. There is Trump is the devil dude. There is
Three six we're gonna the bottom row. How did you find that Brandon? Well because I gave it to my uncle and then he was like
Yeah, I'll take it weird
Literally as a tidy 666 and then when he saw the
He's like now I ain't taking that devil shit. Oh we gotta take a picture
Yeah, this is all part of Jake's plan, and I'm not gonna say what kind of plan it is. Hmm. What's that plan? I?
Play dumb got to
There's a long path
story to pass supposedly millions I
Know what's going on. I don't think anybody supposes that it's million. Oh, yeah
You're right. They don't
Dinosaurs were Jews
246 million years yeah, that's wild
Now even though all Cogan supports him you shouldn't support him more because he's the devil
Are you giving up are you giving up your support for Trump and voting for you know, I can't say her name
What's her name?
Camera camera here's
Speaking of Kamala, she just texted me
I mean, I wasn't gonna vote this year, but yes
Speak speaking a text will you pull up that downloads? Oh, yeah, so I was
I was texting Brandon earlier to see him if he was on his way. It was getting a little late
We know traffic was heavy JJ was stuck in traffic
So
Yeah, I just said yo you on your way to Dom's and Brandon you be you right there. Yeah
And then I said bet stuck L
Stuck L
Stuck L stuck I dot James and then you corrected and you corrected the end
Yeah, so it you're stuck it so it reads you're stuck in James. So who's James?
See, this is a horrible horrible
Horrible damn out of
Both be stuck in the jam
That's not what you said yeah
With a correction that's crazy
The thing was the guy I was on the side autocorrect until you corrected
the
error
We started moving again
Like damn they're probably moving the whole time
You cause the traffic
Just didn't go
Cuz we were at the you know, we're done so, you know when the light changes to yellow, right?
Mm-hmm. And you like right there. Okay, so, you know, I'm gonna give you a little view too. So this is my car
This is her car. Mm-hmm. This is the light right here, right? Okay, so we going and then that's the light
Oh shit is turning right here. I'm just gonna stop so I'm like, you know, fuck that what is still yellow. Yes
Yeah, go to a complete stop. That's crazy. Yeah, but Lily
Almost touching like the the street. Yeah, and I'm like, you know what because I never do that
I'm always like well, then you know what wait, but today I was like no man
I'm finna be late for work. Mm-hmm pulled around him. Yes, and I promise you that would have happened
I would have been late for work. Mm-hmm. You put four fucking slugs through a window when you went around
What's that you shot her four times?
Let me see
Okay, yeah
I'll be scared like what pitch what the fuck is you do?
Yeah, like 70s alcoholic father rage phase
He's just silent rage dude, I've been getting better but I get really mad in the car dude me too
I got really mad call yell. I'll yell slurs
Mm-hmm. That's way it gets really bad. No other way around it. I guess yeah, that's right
Alabama has the worst drivers. I've everywhere I've lived. This is by far they stop
They stop on like a 60 road road going 60 to turn right like to go into their name
There's a lane to get into yeah to turn
Yeah, they'll do stop in the fucking today a lady took up coming off of a airport road
She took up two lanes to turn right and she stopped completely. Was she white? Of course, and that's fine
Yeah, I don't get road rage anymore dude, I don't I used to get bad your Zen now I dude
I think I hit Nirvana bro. Good. I need that dude. You hit car Vana the car
Get me out of the vending machine
Dude, I I just don't anymore cuz I just don't care
You know, it's good before it was the thing of like I want to get where I'm going
Mm-hmm. And now I'm like I'm late for work, dude. I'll just get my other cuz it doesn't matter cuz it doesn't matter
It doesn't matter. You're trying to get fired anyway, then I'm like then I'm late bro
From late. I'm late, you know
You didn't if you're dying and I'll get there on time means you didn't want to see me bad enough
And I'm still here
And you're not a doctor I didn't raise out he said glad you're not a doctor why
What I would already be there cuz I'm not waiting for you to die
God got other plans. Oh wow. So you would leave them dude. I can't control death. Yeah, death controls you
Oh fuck you let death control you dude. Do I love death control me?
No, I'm still here. Hey
What happens if Adam priest kills you yeah, that's possibility
What have you done? Oh you talking about the black bear?
Yeah, he kills the black bear
The black bear is powerful man, it's alright
It's a tough dude, I've seen him
So even if he gets slammed right on his neck, he can take that
Yes the black dude, well, see you're not supposed to slam anybody on the neck
Yeah
But you know the black bear is so powerful
Black bear so well we shouldn't we shouldn't try that on black bear
You know what I mean?
Well, I mean, I hope the person doesn't try it on you
But if Adam priest you just get out of line and he slams you on your fucking neck
He slams you in your neck
Well the black bear or the black bear might be powerful and overtake him and slam him on his neck
You never know because the black bear is powerful
Black bear is the fucking bear man
Let's go
Hell yeah man
Never beat
You know? Never beat
Oh and oh
No, he's fought
He's fought a lot, he's fought demons
I thought we had some footage of the black bear's first wrestling match on a local television show
Oh yeah we do
No, you shouldn't answer that one
They put me in there with no web, that was my first
You? You're the black bear?
No, not me
That was his first every year man
Close one
They didn't know if he got in there to get away from, he was like, man alright that's it
I'm tired of these other cubs whooping my ass
I'm gonna go out here and whoop some bear ass
He went up in there and learned
And there was a lot of trial and error as we can see on the TV
He went out there bear assed
Went out there, mine as well with that ass whooping
So he's had amateur fights but you never, well the black bear has never fought a professional
WWE
AEW Dark
I mean he has bloody, bloody, bloody matches
Yeah, while they get fucked up
Oh it does
I heard he slips a finger in them sometimes
He slips a finger in them? Guess what, black bear slips a finger right back up
Return to Cinder, that's your signature move
That's what black bear does cause that's who he is man
Return to Cinder dude
You throw him in the cubicle, he'll get back
He don't even need a fucking spaceship
You know what I mean?
The hibernation
I don't know, no he doesn't need a hibernation
The black bear is gonna hibernate in that ass
The black bear doesn't need, yeah
Hibernate in that ass
I like that, we would get a t-shirt of that for the black bear
Cause he is hibernating in that ass
He is, he's in there
November 2nd everybody
You're getting in another man's ass and I like that
You're getting in another man's ass and doing it good because you winning the match
Hell yeah, hell yeah
I was talking about that because I know I saw some looks
Nobody's talking about sexual shit
I'm talking about like, getting things
Who gave you looks?
I saw what you did
Yeah man, grow up
I was talking about the black bear dude, I wasn't talking about you
No not me, I'm talking about the black bear
The black bear is what?
He's the best, around
He might like that, he might be into that
Yeah you don't know
No I'm hung out with black bear
Did you guys have sex?
Nah, nah man
So you've never touched the black bear's penis?
Hell nah
You've never touched the black bear's penis
No black bear don't do that man
No black bear don't do that man, he don't do that
So you've never touched
The black bear's penis
Your hand's on the bible right now
Yes, where is it at?
This is the bible
It's a laptop
So yeah man
Never touched the black bear's dick
Have we put you on a polygraph test?
Oh yeah, you gonna pass?
I believe you brad
Cause I'm not the black bear
You're not
I never said that
He did just ask if you ever
Just touched his penis
And you haven't, I believe you
If I was the black bear I would have said yeah
Cause you know I gotta go to the restroom and take a piss and shit
But no, I'm not the black bear
That's the only time you touch your penis?
Huh?
Has anybody ever touched the black bear's penis?
What?
I guess the black bear himself?
Yeah, so he has
How often does he do that?
Oh I don't know man, I don't talk to him
We don't talk about that man
All I know is he go out there and whoop his ass
Did you say one to two times a week
Multiple times a day, once a day
I don't know
I don't know, I never
Never spoke to him man
He just chill at home and eat raw eggs
And sometimes
Eat steel, what's the little thing
Steel links, you know these graves
Steel links?
Like chain
He just breaks a link off and munches
He eats those? Like spaghetti?
That's to get his iron
Does he have another man on the other end of the chain
The lady in the trance
He could cook a whole egg on his back
What?
He gets heated
He gets so mad he gets heated
And he's ready to go
Egg whites instantly turn white
The yolks turn hard
He's ready to go
Fuck a hot plate
Fuck a hot plate when you got the black bear
And he's oily and sweaty enough to where he doesn't need
He don't do that oily shit
He don't need it
Because he's the black bear
And he sweats a lot
He's very sweaty so he don't need oil man
He's going to get wet man, you're not going to be able to touch him
Oh my god
I cannot wait for this
November 2nd it's going down
The priest and the beast
The priest and the fucking beast
The priest and the beast
Hell yeah, I can't wait to see this
This is going to be my first time seeing him in the ring
Hell yeah
It's always been street shit in the woods
But now you out there doing it for real
Who you guys got your money on?
I'm leaning towards priest because black bear is such an amateur
No man, black bear is a man
But he's never had professional fights
Nobody's even touched his penis
You can't trust a man that nobody's ever touched
Why you think nobody? Because he's so tough
Well you told us nobody did besides him
Yeah, besides him
Because he's the black bear
He got to, how else are you going to
He doesn't have a lady black bear?
Lady black bear, yes he does
So that may be that
Yeah, there we go, look at that
They probably, yeah, black bears
Gonna make some bear cubs
Hell yeah man
Hole in his ass
No
Are you going to be like Goldilocks?
No, he don't take it, he would have to
This asshole is just right
Yup, yup
He would need a one going in it
That's good stuff
That is good stuff
Yeah, and a man's ass dude
Black bear's the pro man
Didn't they eat her at the end of that story?
I think in the original
They come and find a girl in their house to kill her
Brother Grimm stories, yes
Yeah, they all had bad
Sleeping Beauty, like the glass slipper was actually like a glass in a slipper
Or some shit
Some crazy shit
The Hansel and Gretel ones fucked up
Hansel and Gretel's fucked up, Little Mermaid's fucked up too
The original one?
Yeah, the original one
Look at the original
The original Pinocchio is fucked up
Yeah, dude, Guillermo del Toro has a Pinocchio on Netflix
It's actually incredible
It's great
More based off the original?
No, it's like his own, it's crazy
The guy did Hellboy
Yeah, so it's like wild
And the Shape of Water
Yeah, I watched that
That one best movie
Hell yeah, he gonna get me
Okay, you guys ready?
That's Hans Christian Andersen
First published in 1834
The Little Mermaid was written in
Danish, entitled
Den Little
What the fuck?
Okay, so this is what it was originally called
Den Little Haverfrug
The Little Mermaid is a literal
Is a literary
Fairy tale
The plot is drawn from Hans Christian
Andersen's imagination
Rather than a specific photo
However, Andersen's writing
Was influenced by traditional
Folklore and
Merfolk and water
Nymphs
What the fuck?
Nymphs
You said a nymph
I just don't know what any of those are
Folklore, what's merfolk?
Like a merperson
Mermaid, merdog
I guess, mer
Okay, let's just go to the story
When the mermaid saves a drowning human
Prince, she learns that
The love of a human might allow her to
Have a mortal soul
The mermaid decides to venture onto land
But her leg comes at a price
Transformed by sea witches
She must marry the prince
Or risk death
When the prince marries another
The mermaid sacrifices herself
Instead of harming the prince
For good deeds
The mermaid is given a mortal soul
Nah, it gets fucked up though
There's like a fucked up part
Like the part about her leg
Nah, he wrote it
So it's like right
Let's see
Damn
That's not
Yeah, that's just probably the ending
Let me just see summary
Or ending, bad ending
Good, good
Is that the end of the story?
Yeah, she sacrifices herself
I guess that might be it
Turns into seafoam
But her soul is immortal because God
That's all she had to do from the beginning
Hans Christian Andersen
I just call him Hans now
Do all that
On a first name basis
HKA
Hans Christian
HCA
That was a K
If you could be in any
Can you look up HP Lovecraft's cat?
You know who HP Lovecraft is?
I'll do that in front of
In front of who?
What?
In front of a Haitian
Let's see this guy
Look up his cat
That looks like
Lake Russell
Move that
Yeah, let's see
Yeah, and this is
And the cat is going to tie it all together
That's when he gets mad at basketball
And scrunches his lips up
And he says this
Look, cat name is the first result
No, dude
It's the first thing that pops up
Alright, let's see
It says HP Lovecraft's cat name
That is not true
The one below that's highlighted in blue
Oh, fuck that
It says
Nigga man, that's fucked up
That's horrible shit
That's very bad
That's what he named his cat
Why would they do that?
It was a joke
What year was this?
The 20s or something
Brandon, you know Cthulhu?
No, 1904
Dante talks about him
In his set
He's like an octopus
He kind of looks like Davy Jones
He's an Eldritch God
There he is
Right there, dude
That's his picture in his mind
He's like the unknowable horrors
That's all he is
That's pretty cool
Oh my gosh, that's funny
Dr. Swine
Sup, yo
Yeah, that's funny
Those things look cool
Click on some more pictures
Every teen nowadays goes through a Cthulhu phase
This is bullshit
This is like the beginning of the cryptids
The Thomas Shelby Cthulhu
Is what he clicks on
Look at that, is that a whole ship?
He's supposed to be so big
It's like incomprehensible
It's like Jurassic Park right here
Do you remember that little T-Rex?
When he ate him on the toilet
It was the picture
It was like the main picture whenever the T-Rex would come up
I bet you
Let me search it up and show you
Was it Wayne Knight?
What?
Who's that actor's name?
Newton
He was from Seinfeld
Oh, yeah
Newman
I think his name is Wayne Knight or something
Yeah, I think
He's the one who dies in the toilet
Yeah, okay
Yeah, Wayne Knight, there we go
My favorite kid
He's in Space Jam
Yeah, dude
The Space Jam is way more iconic
I knew him from that 70's show
There was an episode where
Eric, it's like a Ghost of Christmas
Past episode
How's he fucked up with Donna
Or some shit
And he was the angel
Oh my gosh
I've seen every episode
I love that 70's show
My favorite scene in that 70's show is when
Donna finds
The panties in his car
And pulls the fucking rope
And then
He comes in and Kelso and
Wilder, Valderrama, what was his name?
Fess
They got down and were worshiping him
They thought that he fucked Donna's mom
Oh, it was Donna's mom's panties, yes
That's so good
That's good, the episode where Joseph Gordon Leavitt
Kisses Eric's hilarious
Oh yeah, where he plays a gay dude
And then he like
Freaks
And stops being friends with him
And everybody's like
Yeah, that guy's weird
That's crazy
You're dressed like Danny Masterson
Right now
That's my costume
I gotta watch
This show, man
It's great, you like it
I almost saw the 90's show, they got the 90's
I heard that somewhere
It got canceled, bro
When?
That's crazy, man
It must have sucked
Or it's just
The reboots
They hype them up too much
Fuller House, the first
Episode of Fuller House
So Mary, Kate and Ashley weren't in it
In the reboot
The very first scene, they were like
Where's, I don't remember her character's name
Michelle
And Bob Saget goes
R.I.P.
And Bob Saget goes
She's busy running a fashion empire
In New York
And they all looked at the camera
Like they were making a joke
About Mary, Kate, Ashley
Not being on the show
But like, what the fuck are you doing?
Yeah, you didn't have to
Yeah
Dude, that show though
I used to watch it
Nick and Knight
I used to call it something different
Wait a minute
No, that show was
I used to want to be Jesse
Which one was Jesse?
Stamos
I used to want to be Stamos
You probably made me a little gay
He aged well too
Stamos?
Yeah, he did really well
You think he's all natural
He looks better than Rob Lowe
Look at this
Dude, look at him
And that doesn't look like much work
His nose maybe
He'd probably get bolt house or something
But he's like, ain't he 60s?
That's a good looking dude
He's 61
To look like that
But yeah, to look like that's crazy
A little old
He had like a drinking problem
That was his thing
He's getting to him a little
I mean the bottom of his face disappeared
He kind of looks like Dr. Oz in that one
What's he doing with that child though?
That's kind of
Are you talking about Michelle?
Mary Kay, that's one of them
Why'd they take that?
Because they were their uncles
It's usually somebody you know
That is a little weird
What's that picture of Ryan Gosling?
That's not all kids
Yeah, but why are we doing Don't Click On It?
Trust me, I'm not clicking on it
Hell yeah dude
Click on this one, the gay one
Sure
Dude
Who's the hottest dude you think?
Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt's good looking
I don't know if he's the hottest dude
I think Stamos over Pitt bro
It's an argument
But it's Brad Pitt
You ever see Brad Pitt meet Joe Black?
Nope
After this look up Johnny Depp's teeth
Now or since ever?
It's meet Joe Black
Look at that
That's not better than Stamos
That looks pretty good though
He looks like a young Robert Redford
That looks pretty damn good
And that's like real too
That's like a real pretty man
I love her in there
I don't know about her in any movies but she
Oh yeah
Who is that?
Suzanne Parrish
Claire Forlani
Look up Johnny Depp's teeth
They're horrible
And he's not American
These teeth are fucked up
What the fuck
Wait what is that red and shit
That's a gold one
Well one is
Maybe three
There we go
Oh my god
And also very ugly
Look at him his face
You can definitely afford better teeth
Yeah but he's doing coke fucking all the time
He doesn't give a fuck
It's like a Tim Burton movie right there
Good shit Brandon
They made his teeth better to be Jack Sparrow
Click on Jack Sparrow
Click on the pirate
Fucking pirate
They made them better
That's crazy
I would have kept it
Dude at least he doesn't have like super big gums
You ever see anybody that's like all gums
Little teeth
It's almost always women
I do agree mostly
They look like titans from Attack on Titan
Oh look up
Oh shoot look up
Dave from Community
Is he big gums or little teeth
I can't see it on there at all
This guy is
Well he doesn't but he looks like he has big gums
He got big teeth
Big ass teeth
That dude that was about to fuck Brandon up
One of your friends
Oh that looks see
Damn
Look up
Look at the yearbook quote from Community
You probably can't tell by looking at me
But I'm doing it
That's hilarious
Throw away joke
That's wild
I love Community
Shout out
He's a great show
What's that about
Just a college community college
A study group and they're just friends
The guy who made Rick and Morty did it
Oh shit I actually did hear about this
With Chevy Chase because I remember somebody said
Chevy Chase is really like racist
Extant
Ken Jong's best role by far
Better than Hangover
Oh so much better
Because he gets to be that
But also like a real character
Like it's really great
That dude is hilarious
The Indian dude
Dude Danny Pooty yes he's really funny
What is this
This was his best role
I feel like one of his best roles
Ken Jong when he was on here
Brendan Fraser
I've never heard of this movie
Furry Vengeance
I saw this when it came out
I went to go see this
I bought the DVD
I love this movie
When did it come out
2009
2010
Fuck over the year
Damn you've been slacking
This movie is perfect
It's got a heavy 3.9 on IMDB
It looks pretty good
We should watch it
Is it like Dr. Dolittle
No no because the animals hate him
They going after him
It's the opposite
Dr. Dolot
It's like a gang war
With retail people
What's the people that sell houses
Real estate
In 2009
That's risky
To talk about selling houses
Not only do we have to deal
With the animals on Wall Street
Look at the line up
Brendan Fraser, Brooke Shields
John
Pro Cop
Angela Kinsey
Oh dude we should take
The Kinsey scale test
Patrice O'Neill
He's definitely voicing something
He's voicing the bear
My favorite character by the way
What did you say dude
The bear
What did you say dude
The Kinsey test, you ever heard of that
JJ you know what the Kinsey scale is
I feel like I've heard of it
It's like a 0 to 10 how gay or straight you are
Oh yes the spectrum
Let's do it
Brendan just take it real quick
You gotta click the country
Okay
Alright so the first one
Okay so who's doing this first
You
You know what
I know somebody you could be driving
I'm gonna read it, to whom you're attracted to
You got both men and women
Mostly people
Of the opposite sex from mine
Mostly people of the same sex
As mine
Only people of the opposite
Okay they're trying to confuse the fucker
It's not a trick question
They're doing this shit on purpose
Keep on going
Okay only people
Same sex, they have a group
Wait no
Let him take it
Okay so the first one
The one I clicked on was the one that said only people of the same sex
It's just my preference
That's his preference dude
Everybody has a different one
Who you had sex with
Both men and women prefer
But I prefer people of opposite sex
Both men and women but I prefer the same
That's okay
Only people of sex
Of mine are only
Only people
Of the same sex as mine
Let me read this
Only people of the opposite sex as mine
Okay so that's it, only people of the opposite sex
Let's go to the next one
Whom do you have
Sexual fantasies
Okay so you know it's the same thing
So I guess only
Only people of the opposite sex
From mine
Okay so only people of the opposite sex from mine
Whom do you
Form strong emotional bonds
What do they mean by that
Just strong bonds
Like friendships, relationships
So is it like more than usual
Just talking to people
Nothing sexual
You know like with your family
It could be your family, your friends
You know your loved one
Really? Yeah
I guess both for that part
How do you
Who do you feel the most comfortable
Socializing with
Now be honest bro
I guess, I mean
Just talking to
Everybody's cool to talk to
The idea of
Having sex with somebody opposite
Okay
Okay it's just the idea of having
Okay somebody opposite sex from mine is
Okay
Why they got the last two as the worst ones
What?
Disgusting and negative
Well you might think that
About it
I guess for me
Wait I thought you loved it
No
The last one, the idea of having sex with someone
Of the same sex as mine is
Wait a minute
Hold up
No Brandon this is the last question
I'm sorry I thought the other one was reverse
This ain't fucking with you
It's tricky, sneak up on
Trans agenda
The idea of having sex with someone
Of the same sex as mine is
Hold on I gotta go back
Okay
Damn man I wasn't thinking
Hold on, desirable for the number six
That's how you really feel Brandon
Okay
I read it wrong
I don't know what this is going to say about you
Okay so dude
I must have dyslexia because I'm really struggling
I think you're just gay
I'm trying to read this shit
Alright let's see
What does it say?
Heterosexual
So who's next?
Wait wait wait
It says heterosexual incidental
Homosexual tendencies
I was listening to what y'all said
Don't blame it on us
Don't you blame it on us
The emotional bond thing
I thought that was just like normal
It was
And how did this happen?
It sounds like you're disgusted
No I'm not, I'm not
But Brandon look you barely
Have any of that rainbow on you
I think that's good
I think that's great
You seem really upset about it
Oh my god
How did this happen?
Hey man, taste the rainbow man
There you go
So you're gay, you guys heard it here first
But it's just a slight corner
You just gotta line up
It's okay dude I got a two
You got a two?
Hell yeah
Anybody else take your test?
How much can you really tell in seven questions?
Yeah the real test I think is a lot of questions
It's like do you want to bang your grandma
Like all that shit
If they gave Brandon 20 questions
He would without a doubt be a five
He would have misread all that shit
They did that already
The way they mixed it
I know man
I'm so glad I caught it
This is the trans agenda dog
This is me
That's just my preference
Clip that
God damn
This guy studied sexuality back in the day
Came up with a test for it
What's his name like? Milford Kinsey?
Alfred Kinsey
Liam Neeson played him in the movie
It's a crazy movie
He's testing people's sexuality
So he's talking to a guy
That can come in two seconds
It's crazy
But for what purpose?
To study human sexuality
So he just did everything sexual
He just wanted to know more about human sexuality
Dude I want to be that guy
I want to figure out what's going on
He was like the first
It was when gay shit was still illegal
And he was coming out saying
30% of the population is gay
Everyone has gay thoughts
They throw him in jail like Galileo
That's not true
And apologize
We're throwing you in jail for a telescope too
Skin telescope
I'm gonna go with a good telescope
Good telescope
How do you feel about your new identity?
My new identity
Now you're on two spectrums
Identity is the same here man
You're pretty comfortable
Yeah but it's not exclusively
It's the same
Incidental
Meaning instances where you might have gotten molested
Or you liked
A touch from
Oh no
I think that's what it says
No
It's okay
I'd be on there
He's getting more outraged
No
That's what you scored
Girls like guys that can be
A little fluid
No I think
I don't know
I think the test
I feel like I'm
You know what
No this is good
You just saw
A lie
A manufactured lie
He's going through
Every fucking emotion
To being you
To Brandon being gay
Hey
If you're gay I'm gonna arrest you
That's all I'm saying
JJ's already in jail for it
I'm gay I'm gay as hell dude
If I get fired
It is because I'm gay
Hell yeah
That's the only reason
You know gay people can be
Menaces too JJ
I've never met one
Oh my gosh dude
I don't know if this is
Okay to say on the podcast
But me and my
Girlfriend went to a rainbow kitten surprise
Hell yeah
At the Orion it was pretty sick
We got like right in the front
We got there super early
We were right in the front on the railing
The pit like right in front of the stage
First people right fucking there dude
And rainbow kitten
Surprise when they were performing they do all these
I don't know what that is but they do all these
Crazy colored lights and stuff
And the light show was pretty sick
At the Orion it was nice
And there was one portion
Of the show where they
Turned like a black lightish
Thing on and you know like
When you're at a bowling alley and you're wearing a
White t-shirt it lights up or your
Shoe strings they light up
Just the clientele
Of the
Rainbow kitten surprise band
The person next to me
They had some
On their arm
Some score tissue
It lit up
That's cool
Yeah I love it
Built in accessories
Yeah dude you know but sometimes
You skill it Raves DIY shit
Wanna be a tiger
There you go
I mean that's probably one theory
I'd be afraid
My cum pants would light up too like
That's what I thought you were about to say
Blind the person next to me
Brandon went his fucking ass
Would be just like a huge
Splatter of cum
On my ass
Yeah dude because you're
That's incidental
An incident just occurred
No man dude
I took the test wrong
I won't click no on everything
Well you took it
So it's either this and the IQ
Tester are both wrong or
They're both right
The IQ test was pretty good
That was a good score so we're gonna say yeah
That's a good score
Second place
Yeah
He can't be mad
No he can't be mad at it
Right because it's a good goddamn score
I believe it too
I'm gonna ask this one here a little influenced
By yourself
By your hornyness for men
I misread some of it
You might have dyslexia
Dyslexia
Saying this in the hot dog
You have
Dyslexia you see a vagina and think
It's a penis
Thank you for hitting it on yourself
It takes a man of
Honor to do that
You're doing it two years
And the joke was on you
You get knighted dude
Night JJ
Yeah I'll get knighted
That's bad
That kinda hurt
No that's not what I lifted my arm up man
I got a fucking
A boil popped up man
A what? A boil
On the arm? Yes
Is it a boil or is it a cyst?
It's a boil
I'm predicting it myself
Damn hold on
Tell you man we're struggling with words today
I am self medicating myself
Or self identifying
Self diagnosed
What are you using to treat it?
I don't know man
He's not self medicating
I thought you just let it go away
As you have you had one before?
What is it like a big zit?
No it's a
What they call the boil thing
I've never had a boil
I got a boil on my ass
Is it just a big zit though?
That would be like a cyst
What's a boil?
A boil is like okay so it's like
Your skin is almost like
Saran wrap
And it's filled up with blood
And pus
So you can like you know you just cut them
You can let them pop naturally
And then they just go away and they come back
Sometimes
Is that a black thing? No
Sounds like a biblical
In your own hairs
Do black people get skin tags type shit?
Do black people get boils?
I've never met
I don't know but I got one on my ass
Can you look at boils?
I've got to perform surgery on them
I never cut it
You can't but
It's better to let it go away
It's going to pop
You had them before
Why?
It's all white boils
They look like nipples
Free the boil
That's not what I got
I thought that's more like
See boil versus cyst
That's a fucking nightmare
Actually I never saw the one
You want to see the black one
Straight on the neck
They might be the same
Go to the chart
Right down
Now to the left two
See what it says
Bacterial
Cysts are not an infection
Okay so boils are an infection
Cysts are not
Gross
You probably shouldn't get boils
Why are you getting boils?
Ingrown hairs can do it
You can't stop that
She spread my ass cheeks
And closed them within a second
And she was like you need to lose weight
Oh that's what that is
She had to spread your ass to tell you that?
I didn't want to do it because when you're in the army
You don't get the same doctor all the time
So I put it on my chart
Because I wanted to get this boil on my ass checked out
And then it was like
A hot doctor
And I was like no I'm good
She was like you put it on your cheek we might as well check it out
While you're here
I was like I'm fine
And then she made me and I bent over the table
And I swear to God
No lie it was this fast
She went just like this
Closed it
And then she was like yeah you need to lose some weight
I was like yeah but I had this for a long time
Even when I was thinner
She was like were you working out
I was like yeah that's probably why
So if I work out to lose weight
Or if I don't I'm just always going to have this boil on my ass
And then when I walked out
I swear to God this is 100% true
Because it was three nurses standing right there laughing
That has to violate HIPAA
I mean I don't know if they were laughing at me
Maybe they were laughing at something on their phone
But they just went right by the door
You need to lose weight
That's what they said
And she didn't get up in there like she needed to
If they can tell you're obese by your asshole
I mean damn
So that's the problem
I need to lose weight
Well for that I mean it's probably just the ingrown hair
It's probably sweat
And you know hair
And ingrown hair
It is yeah because I remember that was years ago
It was good until I started
Years ago I was shaved
You shaved your own arms? For wrestling?
Yeah I think it was wrestling
Yeah I believe it was wrestling
That was one of your tendencies
Yeah it was wrestling
Incidental
Then one day I was like wait a minute we supposed to have this
I was like yeah
We were able to do it once
We're great at it now
Are we supposed to have armpit hair?
Nah it was a couple of times but then I stopped
I was like this is not good
It sucks though to shave your fucking
Unarmed hair
And then that shit grows back
You've never done it?
Never done it
I used to do it for wrestling because when your hair get called that shit sucks
And that singlet
I remember when I shaved my pews for the first time dude
You went all the way?
I've never done it
I've never been able to do it all the way
How do you get the creases?
You gotta spread them out
Yeah that's crazy that's too much work
I don't give a fuck about razor
I always use an electronic razor
I did manscape 2.0
I use the same one I use to shave my mustache
That's so disgusting
I use the same thing but two different heads
No same one
Same length too
You know what
You just fell
I didn't do that
The first time I shaved my pews was before field day
At school
The day before
And I never even thought about it
It was the worst day of my entire life
It's sweaty, slippery, it feels slick
But like prickly
And it like catches
It's bad
It's like those mesh things
That you pull apart and they do that sound
It's like velcro when you do that
Because it will stick to your underwear
And you gotta keep pulling them out
Wait a minute
Brandon what was that thing
You talked about
One time
Where you were like
Your penis would retract
And it would catch the hairs
Oh yeah well
And it would pull you down
Yeah you see after
After a while
Of looking like a fucking beast
The priest and the beast
Because especially with
Wrestling stuff people are like you know this shit
I don't want to be nowhere near this shit
So you try to go in ya
And then when it goes back
And then some of the hairs get pulled in there
And then try to jump
With that shit see what happens
It was the worst thing ever
You couldn't even stand up in class
Sometimes
You just put your hand in your pants
You're not wrestling when you're in class
No I'm talking about this happened anywhere
I remember I'd be at basketball tryouts
It was everywhere
It was when it first started happening
And I'd just stand up
Yeah man
He's a
Grower not a shower
Is what we're getting at
I'll tell you that
I don't know what we're getting at
But that's fun as hell
I don't know if you guys ever
Think of it as a
Like whatever that is
It'll be like this
And then it'll come out like this
What I mean
I don't want it
Hell yeah man
Brandon if we get a million subscribers
Will you do a penis reveal
No
Thank you
Really why not
Exactly no
No that's never
To be on camera never
And don't let anybody just out when you're out
Let them tell them to show you it
And you say no
Nobody gets to see that
Not a single person
I mean just me
And
And of course my fiance
Because that's what
Yeah that's right
Not saying I'm bad
Yes
What's his name
I don't know
Yeah I know
But back then
Even when I was younger I wouldn't do that stuff too
I wouldn't show that because I was like
I would tell people the circus you gotta go down there
And see it in person you can't just have a camera
Or nothing
You can have a camera at the circus
Well some circuses you can't
I remember before they closed you couldn't right
I mean I don't know
I've never been to a circus
I love that they're gonna come to town dude
And we should go now because they can't have animals anymore
So they use people instead
I don't know what the fuck
They're doing but it's just a bunch of forum people
Traveling and performing for us
You like circus peanuts
No
Like the ones you gotta crack
No like the candy circus peanuts
They're marshmallows essentially
Oh no hell no
I liked them when I was a kid
I haven't eaten one in a while
That explains your complexion
You're the color of a circus peanut
Orangey
Trump looks like he survives on circus peanuts
Speaking of Trump man I was at work earlier
Oh yeah yeah
This old lady which she meant well
I know she meant well
She was like are you voting this year
And looked at me and I was like yeah I'm voting this year
No actually I said no
I'm not gonna lie to you no
I was like no I'm not voting this is my first time
I'm gonna be doing this one
She was like yeah cause I don't like that Trump
Which I was very happy about cause I was like
Now look you know anybody can support who they want
But usually if somebody like
Trump number one she might be ready
To kill me or something you know what I mean
So she was like
She was like yeah I don't deal with that Trump
Because you know like for example she went up to Kamala Harris
Sorry Kamala Harris
Did I say that right? I'm trying
I'm sorry Kamala
Like Kama and then La
Yeah but she was like yeah
She went up to Kamala Harris
I feel you brother
No I feel you man
Like I'm not yeah but Kamala
You happy now?
Kamala Harris
Harris
This is what you done
KH
He would have come up to KH
And be like he wouldn't know
She said he went up to KH and said this
Said that uh
What did she say?
She said that he went up
He went up to KH
And said that uh
Yo you how are you
Black you said you were white at one point
And then she looked at me and was like that's crazy
Because like you when you were born were you white
And then you became black? No
Like not at all
And after that she got even deeper and deeper
And said we gotta get this dude out of here
Cause if not you for example
Black people you gonna be back in the fields
I was like oh what
Yeah she was like that's where you gonna be
And now I'm gonna be stuck in the kitchen chained up
And I feel like that's very bad for both of us
Just as bad
Just equally bad
She said all that
But dude when she kept talking
Cause it was like a whole rollercoaster
Up and down like she was saying stuff
I was like man she's cool
And then she would do that
But it was like you could tell she didn't notice
You know what I mean like you could tell
And you know some people don't know what they're doing
They just say stuff and be like
They don't know man
And I could tell I was like
It probably wasn't her but somebody else
You know what I mean cause she was old as shit
Like probably from the 40's
Who are we talking about right now?
The old lady that told me this
Oh I thought you
I'm talking about the old lady that told me
About people working in the field
Talk about me in the field oh what the fuck
Well you know
You know what you gotta
No no it's not right but
That was a good story
That was the best story I've ever heard
No I'm just it's crazy
And for all the audio listeners
For all the audio listeners
He's wearing a hot dog suit
Hot dog warrior
I kept trying to say K-X's name
Kamala Harris
Yeah he got it
That's crazy
Yeah and if Trump wins
You're gonna be in the field
I'm gonna be in the kitchen
I'm more of a house myself
That is wild
And was she white or black?
Very white
Very white man
I had a hunch
White women love to do that
They love to be like
I'm right there with ya
And then they're not
That's what it was the whole time
White women, were you white?
And then one day you woke up and you were black
Shut the fuck up
Was she genuinely asking?
Were you white?
She was genuinely asking
And then she stopped and I was like well no
I think she was saying like
Trump told Kamala
He said something about
Oh she said was she black now
Or something like that
And then the lady was being like
Did you used to be white and then you turned black?
Yeah that's what she was doing
But that's still dumb as hell
Trump branded it too
First of all
Scratch all that
A white woman in Alabama
She told Brandon
He's gonna be working in the field
She was like yeah you don't wanna be doing that
And I don't wanna be doing that
That's why it was so surprising to me
When she was saying
You guys see it now?
Why I don't like it?
She was like yeah man
He's trying to put y'all down
And then he's like the pride is gonna destroy
And I was like
And you know Brandon's face through all this
He's just holding the shopping cart that he pushed for
That was it
Talk about race, this guy is drooling
When he's pushing your cart
I was sweating too
Like I had to do this
Because I was dripping in sweat
And his face looks like he was in pain
That's what I was doing
I was standing in the middle
Because we were in a parallel park
And she was standing in the street
That shirt that's too small
That's crazy
That tight ass public shirt
If only they made them bigger
Oh yeah I got a bigger one
I got two now
How long you been working there?
Hold on let's see
2017
Yeah I started middle school
What?
Yeah I started at 14
That's fucking funny
2017
You're still just
Seven years
You only had two shirts
Yeah I had one
No actually three shirts because they upgraded
So we first had one until like 2020
Or 2021
And then we upgraded
And I had that one
Yeah because I was able to fit that stuff for a while
I had a medium
I used to be able to fit a medium until like last summer
He should be the fucking manager
He's seven years in
He's about to get full time
Yeah exactly
But not even that man
They don't have any nights
They don't have any what?
They don't have any nights
I mean no
Let me rephrase that
They only want nights
So if you go there full time it's gonna mostly be their nights
Instead of the mornings
Does anybody work there from when you started?
Yes
Who is that?
Don't say the person's name
I'm not gonna say their name but there is a cup
Manager? No
No no manager
We could have managers move
So yeah they just move real quick randomly
Yeah so
Yeah it's just me and a couple other people
I was the youngest
Of course 14 now I'm 21
Good times
Oh my god
You might already be in the fields dude
Damn
You might
You're already in the lot
I have a problem
Damn
Wow this is wild
You clean shit off the wall
Yeah they do that
Horrible like the elephant foot dude
He came in there and put their shit up
Oh there's a homeless guy with a bad leg
Yes did you see him?
You've seen him before?
I've seen that type
If you've been to downtown Huntsville in the park
Where the ducks at
I haven't seen him recently he could be gone
Bad health
You have these straight homes
That leg will fuck you Pat
That leg will get you
You wanna be revenge shitting with one leg
In people's stores?
I think I'm gonna buy Pat illegal
Ozempic
Fuck it
It can't be any worse for him
We'll just lock him in a room somewhere
Put some water in him
Just lock him
He still needs the medicine
Let's shoot a good amount of content
While he's fat though
We'll have time
It's not gonna happen overnight
We don't want him to get too skinny too quick
I don't think anybody's worried about that
What'd you say?
Did you say do like a Nakado avocado?
But apparently he's faking being skinny
He's faking he came out and called everybody stupid
Which is I don't know what the fuck
That was his villain arc
Speaking of internet drama
Twitch
I wanna raise awareness
Because you know clown college podcasts
Were a friend of the Jews
We love the Jews
For the past year
Since October 7th
And it was actually crazier
Because it was the global day of jihad
Which is a thing in Islam
But Twitch has blocked
Geo blocked new accounts
From signing up in Israel
And Palestine
Which is crazy
They said it was because they didn't want graphic content to be uploaded
But we're still gonna leave it up in Russia
Ukraine, Myanmar
All those places where they're just
So yeah fucking insane
Twitch whatcha doing man? We love the Jews
And why they say they've been banned for a year?
We forgot
To put it back on
We forgot
Although the thousands of emails we've received
And they've deleted threads
It's looking damning
You think they forgot for real though?
Does Amazon own Twitch still?
Yeah it's an Amazon company too
That's a crazy thing
They bought it?
Amazon owns Twitch
Is he Jewish?
He is Jewish
It doesn't even make sense
I mean that makes sense because they deliver their mail later
And they forget shit too
They forgot my shit recently
Yeah Prime's been off dude
Oh dude Prime since COVID obviously
There's no guarantee anymore
For anything
At one point before this supply chain issue
It was like going you can get your shit almost in a day
And then now
It's fucking everything is back order
I mean it's still relatively fast
Oh no
Hold on I forgot
He just says Jeff Bezos is Jewish
No he's not
I just assumed that because he was rich
And wait wait
He also has Mexican and Cuban
I don't believe it
I don't know
Yeah I don't know how to feel about that
He looks like a villain
He looks like Lex Luthor
Or the dude from Breaking Bad
The officer if he was on Zimpy
Who's cool?
Mike?
No Hank
Little orange drink guy
Young Mike maybe
Who's cooler Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk?
Neither man
I think Jeff's cooler because he's low key
You want your cool guy to be like
Laid back
Other than the rocket ship he's been low key
True
And Amazon owning everything
But I think Zuckerberg is Mr. Cool now
He's taking the coolest title
He's just trying so hard to be cool
His chain and his beard
He has the curl now
And he's jacked dude
Look at that dude
No that's not a good one
No that's not good either
He had another one that was like
He looks like he's dating Steve Lee
He sure did didn't he
Look at him there
He's a beast dude
He said he looked like DJ you remember that?
That's fucked up
He has shark eyes
Looks like the dude that they had named McQueen
Owen Wilson
With the nose
Similar
I still don't think he's cooler than Bezos
Zuckerberg's way cooler
than Bezos
Zuckerberg is square as fuck
This guy's not even a human being
That's how cool he is
Look how pale he is
That sunscreen photo
He's wearing a coat made out of Uggs dude
He said they have a sunscreen photo
Yeah look at the sunscreen
Oh wow right there
Why the fuck he arts himself like that
That's sick
He's doing whiteface
Dude what
That's a weird art piece
That's not human
Can we take a minute look at that ass
If we go to jail he's fucked
And you noticed that right in the back
It was Sam Bateman freed
Because I was like this is a weird arch
Why are we arching like that
You guys know the whole
FTX thing
Where those people went to jail for scamming everybody
Dude go to the one
Where they have a nerd in their mouth
And they're Uggs
The one guy
For Halloween
The one guy who just got sentenced to prison
He went on his LinkedIn
Before he went to prison
And changed his job to like inmate
At San Quentin
And people were commenting like
Congratulations man
That's a great career change for you
That Sam Bateman freed shit is crazy
That was just a bunch of nerds that were fucking
I liked it
Look up the picture of all of them
And this is who
FTX scam
It's like a STF scam group photo
But it literally is like
Band geeks at the lunch table
That it's insane
Interesting way to spell scam
Okay you said FTX
No that's right
Oh my god
I remember wouldn't she like
These three
I know she goes crazy bro
She was doing everybody
I remember that
Oh that cop too
That cop kind of looks similar to her
The cops they had that same no chin
I had a soldier just like
That cop that banged all the
Like her
Subordinates
Oh you told me about her
Wait subordinates the people under her
She was fucking everybody in there
Why
Laverne
No way her name is Laverne
Megan Hall
You knew that way too fast
I feel like Alex has been waiting on her only fan
Dude
I mean more the one in the
The one in the left can
Are we not going to talk about how these bears are striking resemblance
To Haley Chambers
Holy shit
I think they changed her identity
Get the fuck that desk
God damn that's funny
The eyes
And the life
I do see it
The one on the left not the one on the right so much
The one on the right
That lady has asked me for a cigarette
Outside of a map coat
And called me honey
You look like you cost my
Something else
That's my dad
Oh is that your daddy?
Looks cool
That's like a Polish cop what the fuck
Policzy
This is all the people
Look at the guy in the middle
Oh my gosh
That guy has beat people bro
He takes his job
Way too seriously
I want to get pulled over by the one on the far right
Do you have to have a beard like that?
I'm going second to the
Second to the right
I don't know
I want to go far
I'm going far right as I usually do
Wait
I'm going far left
Female cops
Shoot you immediately
Well
If you scare them
They're already scared
Before they pull you over
Rightfully so
You're going to roll down the window and they're going to shoot you
45 times
You just raise your hand
That guy on the far right
He's going to be cool about
His cheekbones being too high
That's contour
He did his makeup before the photo
He looks like 50 cent for that movie
Like kinda where he got real skinny
Look at that up
If Brandon has the dreads on
That's who Brandon looks like
50 cent AIDS
Doesn't the first one kind of look like Dom a little bit
He looks like you a little bit
The first one
The real light skin cap
That looks like Dom
The Muslim guy
The Muslim or Mexican
I think he's Mexican
He might be Egyptian
Could be various
That looks like the second one
The second one right here
That's the dreads they put on
That one right there
He really got the skinny
And the movie was just like
He's like the black Christian Bale dude
That's crazy as hell
We gotta watch the movie now
Who is this movie about
Who is that
Okay
That's gotta be a film
That's Jonathan Silver
Wearing Brandon's shirt
Alright guys we gotta go
That's it
Hell yeah good episode boys
Usable
Year is coming out on the 16th right
16th of November
We got all kind of crazy shit
It's gonna be segment after segment
Skit after skit
And we're gonna say some funny shit
It's gonna be insane
The boys might not make it
There is a strong possibility
We won't film another until you die
If I die
Please have a candlelight
What is it
Visual
We'll replace you with Scrappy dude
Don't worry
Hahahaha
I fucking hate Scrappy dude