This week on Clown College.
Before we go, we just talked about year.
Now, if you don't remember,
JJ said at the year he's going to do a skydive.
I'll do it, man.
And then I said no, but I said if they set my weight,
I'll go on there and I'll skydive.
And Brandon has committed.
Brandon's thinking about it.
Morpheus, tell us what you think.
When did he get those?
Thinking about it.
When did that happen?
Thinking about it.
But you're probably going to do it.
It's for the year episode, man.
We got to give him something.
I'll give you that.
Oh, well, I just get my ass with my pro wrestler.
I like that.
Yeah, we could do that too.
I mean, it's going to be a whole extravaganza for the year episode.
We stayed on fucking every week for fucking year.
Every week.
No days off.
Not missed a week, dude.
We're going to jump out of a fucking plane, Brandon.
Call of Duty style, huh?
Huh?
Like Call of Duty?
Yeah.
You know, they get shot down on that thing.
Yeah, but we're not in the war zone.
Yeah, but this isn't there.
You can't respond, man.
Life is over once life is over.
We'll buy you.
It's with Brandon Willis, Don and JJ.
Let's all go to town college, baby.
It's with Brandon Willis, Don and JJ.
You can't trust everybody.
Hood, what is he in the KKK?
Hey.
The Klan?
Yeah.
Damn.
Pre-recording.
What did you say?
He was trashed on the first set of wine.
Yeah.
What?
At the end, after we stopped filming, he came up to me.
He was like, hey, man, I didn't really drink this.
Can I like pour this out?
I'm like, dude, you bought it.
You can do whatever you want.
You could fucking throw it in my face right now if you wanted to.
Just like that song.
Yeah.
What song?
You know, the one they were like, you can have whatever you like.
Oh, yeah.
You can have whatever you like.
Yeah.
Hey.
Tie.
Just change it.
Dude, Brandon, have you ever done a virginity test?
That's what he did to his daughter.
Have you got your hymen broken?
What does that mean?
I told you.
Hymen can break it.
He doesn't know.
Yeah, like, if you explain it, I could probably answer that one.
It's whenever you be, this is how you know you're not a virgin anymore.
Once your hymen is broken, then you bleed.
What is hymen, though?
Hymen, so it's something that men and women both have.
It's like a little protective layer.
So the first time that you achieve orgasm through penetration, it breaks,
and there's some blood.
But I've never been penetrated.
You've never penetrated anybody?
Oh.
Yeah, so just a little bit of blood comes out your pee hole.
Some spotting.
Man, I've never, I don't think so.
So you're a virgin.
Yeah, that means you're still a virgin.
No, wait, wait, wait.
That sounds painful, though.
Should I search it up?
Yes.
Yeah.
What's it called?
Hymen.
This is going to be good to have on your Google search, Don.
Oh, god.
I didn't even think about that.
No, then don't press images either.
No, but that guy, he shows up.
OK, the hymen is a thin piece of tissue located at the opening of the vagina.
Yeah.
Oh, OK.
I know you're well versed in your histology,
so you should know all about these tissues.
Yeah.
So have yours ever broken?
Mine, but it says vaginas only.
Or manja.
But that's only showing the female version.
You have the high woman, actually.
OK, I guess, I mean.
So have you ever had blood come out of your pee hole, is what the question is.
No.
So you still technically a virgin.
No, I can't be.
Gay.
First of all, gay.
This guy.
It's all good, man.
It doesn't count if you bleed out of your ass.
Do y'all bleed out your dick holes?
Yes.
When the first time.
Once a month.
Did it hurt?
No, you just know it's there.
Dude, I would have been scared to death.
Like, I feel, I would have been like, it's a STD.
And you probably still wore white, like, tighty-whities.
Tighty-whities?
No, no.
When'd you stop wearing tighty-whities?
Take your pants off.
Hey.
Whoa, whoa, dude.
We just want to see the underwear.
That was a joke, right?
We just want to see the underwear.
If it's Summer Slam underwear.
No, man.
Mithuaness.
Too pricey.
What's the grade that you stopped wearing?
Tighty-whities?
Yeah.
Maybe second grade, first grade?
Really?
Was that early?
That's early.
I mean, I was wearing tighty-whities, definitely.
I mean, sometimes I guess I would, yeah, if you had to do like for wrestling, maybe, right?
Compression.
I mean, so you wore boxers or boxer briefs?
I wore just boxers.
It was at fucking second grade.
I don't know, man.
I think I free-balled until I was like nine.
No, I can't.
Well, that's your, you know.
I mean, maybe.
Culture.
I don't know.
It's just been a while.
Even when I played baseball, I didn't wear like a cup or anything.
I'd rather just live life free.
I mean, I respect that.
I really do.
I don't know.
I don't remember what underwear I wore.
I know I wore tighty-whities for a while because there's pictures.
I mean, I probably did.
And I tried to rip one of them up, but my mom still has another one where they're chasing me around the house trying to take a picture of me and my tighty-whities.
I was fat.
Well, that's illegal.
I was like Brandon fat.
Damn.
That's illegal, man.
Can't take a picture of that.
It was the 90s.
You could do things like that.
Isn't it weird that you can like do child pornography?
Exactly.
But if it's your kid?
Well, no, you can't.
You can take a picture of it.
People have pictures of like...
That's not okay.
I'm sure my grandma has a picture of me naked in the bath as a child.
Yeah, that's not child pornography.
It is.
No, it's not.
It is.
If it falls into somebody else's hands, it is.
That's...
Well...
Brandon, let's talk about something else.
Stop talking about this shit.
I mean, I have that.
Yeah.
I know what you mean.
No.
What do you have?
No, it's just like...
No, no.
You said you had...
No, it's not bad.
You said you had a picture of you in the bathtub, right?
No, I don't have it.
Oh.
But he had it, yeah.
Somebody has it.
Keep on going, Brandon.
I had a newspaper with like a car catalog.
I'm just like, no.
And they took a picture.
Are you on a toilet?
Yeah, and I'm like, no, I put the newspaper there.
It's funny picture.
It's funny.
I'll ask him to do this day.
It's a funny picture you can have and you can always look back on.
That's not pornography.
I don't support that kind of stuff.
If you look at a kid...
I am staunchly against child pornography.
I don't support that stuff.
Yeah.
It doesn't sound like it.
No, no.
It doesn't sound like it.
No.
I'm against that kind of stuff.
Brandon, don't let him talk to you like that.
No, man, no.
Fuck child pornography.
Yeah.
Dude, you're the man.
Yeah.
Clip that.
Bad kid.
It used to be clip.
No.
The fuck we doing?
Yeah, I don't like that kind of stuff, man.
Me neither.
That kind of stuff makes me absolutely sick.
Your grandparents have a picture of you like that when you were fat and young.
You were fat, too.
I was fat, dude.
You was fat.
I can't believe that.
We can throw a video up here.
I was actually bullied about how fat I was in my sophomore year of high school.
And that's actually what inspired me to change.
So I think I'm pro-bullying.
If you're fat, you shouldn't be.
And...
I don't like the way he just danced at me like that.
Well, you know.
Ready?
Why you laughing at that?
He's just having the funniest shit.
He was like...
No, if you're over the age of 35...
Oh.
You know, so I basically just called you fat and old.
Yeah, he was like, he's over 35?
No, I would never say that.
If you can run for president, you can be fat, dude.
For sure.
Thank you.
I guarantee it.
Look at all our fat presidents.
Great ones.
William H. Taft.
Howard Taft.
We got stuck in that tub.
I think he's ranked as the top five president of all time.
Yeah, he got stuck in the bathtub.
Respect to that.
And that's really...
That's a physical embodiment of the United States.
Big heart.
America.
Fuck yeah.
America.
Come and get in there.
I got you.
Hell yeah.
Woo!
So Brandon, some other crazy shit happened.
You saw a ghost.
Oh, yes, I did see a ghost.
We haven't heard this story, and I'm excited.
It's weird as shit because this dude dies by getting robbed.
What we thought.
What?
What happened?
Brandon, is your microphone on?
Yeah.
Oh, OK.
Yes, huh?
My bad.
That's cool.
But anyways, what happens is this dude gets robbed by this dude
who looks like Carlito from WWE.
And he tries to fight back, gets killed.
And now he's a ghost.
And he keeps on seeing this girl and shit every day.
And he can't talk to her.
He can't do nothing.
But now she's in danger.
It was a setup, man.
No, he didn't just get robbed.
They wanted him dead.
And then this bitch that comes into the light.
The one thing that dude that keeps on trying to take his girl,
but low key is also a robber too.
He's the reason that dude's dead.
He's over here like, hey, man, it's all right, girl.
We're going to be OK.
Let's go eat dinner and shit.
And then trying to make out with his girl and shit.
I'm sorry.
That just made me so mad when he did that.
OK.
What?
Hey, Brandon.
What?
Yeah.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm talking about ghosts.
But I thought you saw a ghost.
No, the show ghost, the movie.
The show or the movie?
Brandon, who thought you were talking about you seeing a ghost?
No, I was talking about the movie ghost.
So you saw a ghost.
Oh my god.
The movie ghost with Whoopi Goldberg?
So Whoopi Goldberg is actually in the movie.
Yes, she's a ghost.
I thought this whole time he thought
he saw a ghost that was Whoopi Goldberg.
No, I'm talking about the movie.
I was talking about the movie.
I am lightheaded.
People, for the last three hours,
we thought this was going to be a, we thought you saw a ghost.
No, I saw the movie ghost.
It's good shit.
It's good to shit.
Is it a remake of the original?
No, no, I saw the Patrick Swayze one.
That's the original.
Now, that is the original.
Yes.
And is Whoopi Goldberg in that movie?
He's the medium.
He's the person I speak for.
Is that one that was brought up earlier?
Yeah, she made out with the, who was that girl?
Matt?
Demi Moore?
Demi Moore, yeah, whatever her name was.
Are we dumb?
I think we might be the dumb ones.
I think we might be the dumb ones, too.
Yeah, we're sorry, Brandon.
Because you guys were talking about Whoopi Goldberg in the,
she was the medium.
Yeah, she was Patrick Swayze.
Like, she got possessed by him.
She wasn't.
How did you say you seen a ghost?
Can you say it like you said it out there?
That's why I thought you guys were sitting at a table.
Yeah.
Hey, what's up, y'all?
Well, this is a table.
OK, perfect.
Perfect.
We're going to play it out perfectly, then.
And you be you.
Yeah, you be you.
And I'll be you.
Are you ready?
All right, man.
So I just saw this, I saw a ghost.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I saw a ghost.
You know what ghosts do?
I said, save it for the podcast.
Oh, save it for the podcast.
What did you say after that?
OK, it's crazy shit, man.
Whoopi Goldberg was in it.
Like, it was nice.
So I thought that was a bitch.
He did.
I thought that was a bitch.
Oh.
We're the dumb ones.
Wait, so what were y'all talking about when
Whoopi Goldberg was making out with somebody?
We thought you got molested by a real-life ghost.
You thought I got molested by a ghost?
Yes, by Incubus.
Whoopi Goldberg?
By Incubus.
That's why we got him.
And that was a whole other thing.
And then we talking about ghost rape.
Yeah.
And Incubus, that's a ghost that rapes you.
Wow.
I don't know.
How many people like that?
It might be considerable, because look this up.
Kesha actually had intercourse with a ghost.
Oh, yeah.
She's been very public about this.
Yeah.
Wake up in the morning and be like, Pete Diddy
with a ghost.
Yeah.
And then, you know, and she's just crazy
because ghosts are not real.
I like how you said intercourse.
OK.
Immigrants.
That was so crazy.
Intercourse.
Sleep with a ghost.
You never know.
Wow.
She's looking good.
Oh, yeah.
I thought she looked better.
Oh, shit.
She looks like a clown.
She's been that set.
Brandon, scroll back up to that picture, please.
That's what I remember.
This is why AI should replace humans.
Because AI can make a way better image than this.
That's why human made that.
Yeah.
This is them.us.
That's the person that gets it.
What is that?
It's a ghost.
That's my pronoun.
I heard that, Brandon.
Yeah.
Thank you.
That was a good one.
That's crazy.
Holy shit.
See, that's what I remember looking like.
That other one was rough.
Let's see.
It said, let's face it.
No one knows how to mix the spooky and sexy, quite little
gay.
Wait, hold on.
Sexy, quite.
Sexy, quite like gay people.
Whoa, dude.
Whoa, wait, wait, wait.
It does say gay people.
It does say.
I just like how he stopped.
He got flustered.
All right, we're 30 seconds in.
He got flustered when it came up.
Still on the first sentence.
30 seconds in.
You have the Elevra, Mistress of Dark, the Rocky Horror
Picture Show.
And then, of course, there's the claim that Grammy-nominated
queer pop star Kesha went bump in the night with a ghost.
Stories of the praying singer having a sexy encounter with
the spirit have been spreading online since the early 2010s.
But a recent interview gave the whole thing a delicious.
Delicious.
Sapphic twist.
No, that's right.
Is it sapphic?
Yeah, you laugh because you're dumb.
Are you serious?
It is sapphic.
That means the ghost was a woman.
Yeah, lesbian.
I thought it was Satanic.
No, no, it's sapphic.
That's nowhere near Satanic.
But sapphic means lesbian.
Woman on woman action.
For real?
Yes.
That's gay catnip, right?
You should be on Tumblr, dude.
Shark eyes.
Wow.
That's great.
The horror lore and celebrity gossips all rolled off into one.
That's gay catnip.
Yep, gay catnip.
Whatever that means.
Gay weed, it must be Delta 8.
I like gay catnip, which is asshole.
That's just gay ghost sex extravaganza.
Dude, let's get off of.
Well, let's get back about this.
That's cool though.
It don't exist, gay people and ghosts.
Whoa.
Alex Z, everybody.
Alex Z.
You want to know that you're not born a ghost.
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry, Kim.
Oh, no.
Brandon, how do you feel about homosexuals?
I feel like it's great, man.
That's not true.
You don't believe that.
What are you talking about?
You don't.
No.
I'm like, yeah, man.
Give us three reasons why, I don't know.
I love it.
They deserve rights now.
Whoa, I think it's great.
It is good.
It's good.
How do you feel, Dom?
What did you say?
Leakage?
Homosexuals, that's great.
What are you talking about?
My bad.
I spilt some.
I didn't even know what y'all were talking about.
They're gays.
Oh, OK.
I said I think it's amazing.
That's good.
I think it's good.
I support it.
And furries.
Yes, I agree with that too.
Some people be disagreeing with me.
I disagree.
They're in a costume.
That's OK.
That's not OK.
Do you think they're about the same?
The gays and furies?
Furies?
They're furies.
Brandon, OK.
I made a misstep.
Well, I mean, yeah.
No, they're not.
Because gay people are just gay people.
If you're a furry, that's a kink that you like.
You're exactly right.
I agree.
But don't try to put them in the same category is what I'm saying.
Because the key word there is people.
Everybody.
Gay people.
Furries are more animalistic.
They are.
What if my kink is dick in the butt?
There you go.
But I'm not gay.
Well, enough around with that.
That's gay.
That is gay.
Executive decision.
You know, Zootopia got really big when that happened.
The furry stuff?
Yes.
Yeah.
I love Zootopia.
Robin Hood.
Old Robin Hood.
Sorry.
Do you think furries are hot?
Oh, yeah.
Even a little bit.
A little bit.
No, I see something right here, Brandon.
I wouldn't dress up.
But don't say you would never dress up.
Would you enjoy somebody that was dressed up?
I would.
Would you enjoy somebody that was dressed up?
Yeah.
They have a little opening back there.
Yeah.
We got to get some identification.
That's all right.
What does that mean?
Why you need identification?
I mean, it wouldn't be like, at least we know.
I don't know.
I'm not surprised.
As long as it's not a dude.
As long as it's not gay, then it's all right.
There is a difference.
Yeah, yeah.
There is a difference.
Furries pretend to be animals.
I'm sorry.
No, that's what you're an ally.
Brandon, I think you would bang a furry.
Huh?
That's a yes.
That's 100% a yes.
That is a yes, but I don't want to admit it.
I need to buy more time.
What did you say?
Hit it on the head.
Yeah.
Identification.
Yeah.
But yeah, with identification.
Then there we go.
But they have the suit on the whole time, so it's like you're banging whatever the fuck
they think they are.
All right.
Or they're acting like it.
Do you have the animal that you prefer?
Yeah, that's good.
Do you have an animal that I prefer?
Cat.
If you were going to bang something.
Like which animal?
What kind of animal?
Animal suit.
Which animal?
No, not animal.
I'm talking-
Yeah.
Animal suit.
Yeah.
The furry suit.
What would you prefer it to be?
Yeah.
Maybe a bunny rabbit.
There we go.
Okay.
Soft.
Yeah, hot.
Big ass.
And they hot?
Yeah.
Big ass.
That's the gateway.
That's the gateway drug of furries.
A fox.
A bunny rabbit.
Lola the rabbit.
Look up Lola the rabbit.
Space Jam.
Lola the rabbit.
I know Lola the rabbit.
Any biped animal I feel like.
You said Lola the rabbit.
Hell yeah.
Lola the bunny.
You would do a furry dressed like Lola the rabbit you're in.
Yeah, let's go for it.
Okay.
What if it's a man?
What?
No.
It doesn't matter because it's going to be Lola the rabbit on the outside.
Because the whole thing is pretend.
So you can pretend you're a woman and pretend you're a rabbit.
As long as they're hot, right Brandon?
Yep.
I mean yeah, if that's what you want to do, hell yeah.
If that's what you want to do.
Yeah.
And that's what he wants to do.
Well, none of the prompts have looked this way.
Yeah, what is this?
What is this Brandon?
This is Zootopia right?
You'd fuck this lady?
Oh this is what you were talking about.
This got the furry population up.
Would you have sexual intercourse with this woman?
No.
Yeah, this rabbit woman.
No.
That's a woman.
The eyes are purple.
Go to the picture all the way on the right.
Are they human sized or is it a rabbit size?
Well, it's going to be a human inside of the fucking costume, right?
I wouldn't do it.
Then no.
Yeah, Judy Hopps.
Obviously a woman.
Couldn't do Judy Hopps.
I'm engaged, I wouldn't do that.
Well, I mean it's not the actual.
What, so just fuck the costume with nobody in it?
You have a fiance, right?
Oh shit, tell her to put on a costume.
Yeah, anything, yeah, that's an option.
That would be weird.
I don't know how much things going to be in that.
That would be weird.
Wouldn't that be weird?
You know what looks good?
A rabbit suit.
Oh, rabbit suit.
Let me get you a carrot.
No.
But it's going to be like an Easter bunny costume and odds are there's probably already
semen in one of those.
Yeah, exactly.
I was offered a Ted suit one time, you know?
A what?
A Ted suit, like a teddy bear suit.
Wow shit, somebody, I'm not going to say who, they knew very well.
I was talking about, hey man, you want this like teddy bear suit?
And I'm like, hell yeah.
But then when he told me like, man, I used to go to parties and get blowjobs and I'm
like, I'm good.
This was one of the first things we ever talked about with Brandon.
And what they do in the suit to remind people.
Do you still have it?
No, I didn't take it.
But I doubt it.
You said he threw up in the suit, right?
Yeah, that too.
From?
Blowjob.
Yeah.
Probably.
And probably being drunk.
Blowjob induced vomiting?
So the person was in the suit.
He was giving them.
Giving the blowjob.
And he threw up in the suit.
As a teddy bear.
That unfortunately makes more sense.
And why did you keep the suit?
I didn't take the suit.
Because I'm like, dude.
Why were you offered the suit?
He didn't want it anymore.
They're like, you want the suit?
I'm like, no, I'm good.
We have to save Brandon.
It's a perfect answer.
All right, I'm going to go pee on somebody.
You go do that.
You know, that's not normal.
That's not a normal conversation to have with anyone.
It's not even like in the realm of normal.
Imagine you had that conversation with one of the comedians.
That's what I'm saying.
Wouldn't you be like, what the hell just happened?
It's so far removed from reality that I am uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, man.
I feel like I'm sick.
Oh my god, dude.
First of all, we got to pause this whole podcast.
We did not do the land acknowledgement at the beginning.
Guys, we are on stolen indigenous land.
And we're sorry, man.
We really didn't mean to do it.
And even though Dom looks like it, he wasn't here originally.
You know, it was from a different, whatever that was.
It was from a different continent.
It's what they do.
I'm friends with Native Americans.
Me too.
The Patonis, shout out.
I am an honorary member of the Kiowa tribe.
I was inducted with an eagle feather.
Thank you, Brandon.
And a buffalo hide blanket.
And I'm in it now.
So as an indigenous person myself, you know, I got like a feather type thing.
That's the most whitest tattoo I've ever had.
First of all, it's a wing.
I would never.
Thank you for your length.
We do this every episode now, right?
Yes.
From every episode.
It doesn't have to be at the beginning, but at some point in the episode.
Now I did it this week.
You guys have to do it next week.
No problem.
One of you guys has to do it next week.
I'll think something, dude.
So well, it's not thinking of something, dude.
I just acknowledge.
Recognizing reality.
That's right.
I'll recognize them.
I have, I got, for real, I got a friend that's a Native American, knows his whole family.
We're kind of like Mexicans.
They are.
And they'll tell you this.
I'm not sugar coating the shit.
I know the motherfuckers.
People who get mad about don't even know fucking Native Americans.
They like to drink a lot and we have fun.
So we went to Vegas together, but I used to, whenever like it was dry outside, I would
just go up to Batoni and be like, do your little dance.
He loved it.
We were like best friends.
What did he do?
Like the nae nae?
The whole, you know, and they do that.
No, can you demonstrate that?
They do like one leg up.
They do that for real.
It's called a rain dance.
Oh, for the Native American.
That's why I tell them to do his dance because we were in a, we were in a drought.
Yeah.
He never did it, but I'm pretty sure it'll work if he did.
Yeah.
Shout out Justin Batoni.
Hell yeah.
You want me to give him a little applause?
Give him some.
Hey, we took his land.
The least we could do.
Exactly, dude.
First of all, let's give him a applause.
I don't.
You know the guy that Martin Van Buren, the president under the Indian Removal Act of
1830, he was actually the first American born president.
He was the first president born in the United States.
Who was it?
Martin Van Buren.
His parents were Dutch.
We got a whole stadium named after him.
Really?
You talking about the von Braun?
The von Braun, the German guy?
Oh, that's a different guy?
Yeah, it's a NASA.
A little bit different.
He was NASA.
It's almost entirely different.
In fact, it actually is not close at all.
Van.
No.
Van Braun.
Look.
That's von Braun and Van Buren.
Okay, okay.
About 150 years of separation.
This guy right here, he knew how to make shit happen.
Probably one of the greatest immigrants that we ever had.
Clean reputation.
I wouldn't go that far.
He was attained through Project Paperclip, where we got Nazis.
His allegiance to the Nazi party was undetermined.
Let's just say there's no clear documentation on this guy.
It was unwavering, but he came over here and did it for us.
Our guys did a very thorough background check.
World War II opened the transfer portal.
This was when NIL deals were allowed, and he came over here because we had big money.
We're prime time over here.
You don't kill a brain like that.
No.
Fucking crazy.
No, dude, you name a fucking arena after him.
100%.
I need security down there too.
There's a lot of shit named after him here.
Everything is von fucking Braun.
I really only know the one thing, to be honest with you.
I was a security guard for that stadium too.
Does that mean you're part of the Reich?
Maybe.
Which Reich?
What is that?
What's the Reich?
It's like the Boy Scouts.
Oh, the Boy Scouts?
You probably did well in the third one.
I don't know.
In the third Reich.
Yeah, three because you-
I was in practice.
I did Boy Scouts, but I wasn't in the Reich.
I wasn't in the Reich.
No, you were.
Did you wear the uniform?
Did you tie knots?
Oh, yeah.
I wore the little security uniform, but didn't tie knots though.
So you were in the Reich.
And you had your little armband thing?
Armband thing?
What's that like?
But you had like an identification.
Oh, yeah.
I got a little
tag.
So you were in the Reich.
Yeah, you were in the third Reich.
I guess so.
Yeah.
Huh.
You know the first Reich was the Roman Empire.
Wow.
That's where they got the salute from.
What was the second Reich?
Like Otto von Wolder won.
Damn, that's a long ass time.
Yeah.
Damn, that is a big gap.
That is a very long-
Yeah, that was in like the 1700s.
When's the next Reich?
No, the third one?
Yeah.
The third Reich.
No, the third one?
Yeah.
1940s.
The third one was Wolder.
The fourth one was Wolder.
Well, that one's gonna last a thousand years.
So we need another one now.
Yeah, they're gonna have a fourth Reich next, and you might be a part of it.
Who knows?
You make sure you're gonna be on the right side.
Who don't you want to be affiliated with?
The Reich side.
Hey, look at that.
The Reich side of history.
Yeah.
What's the Reich side?
Republican?
Yes, yes.
That's what that is?
Yes, yes.
No.
No, Brandon, yes.
No, no.
That's what that is.
See how that was your natural instinct to say that?
No, no.
Because I was thinking, I was like, I know it.
Coincidence?
I think not.
I don't think so.
No.
You don't believe in, like, Republic?
No, no.
Republic is a thing.
It is a thing.
Republic is a thing.
Plato talked about it.
That was in Star Wars, man, the Republic.
Yes.
So which side are you on in that situation?
In Star Wars?
Yeah.
Are you a separatist?
Or are you a Republican?
Dark side or the good side?
Dark Democrat.
Are you Galactic Empire or are you more like Republican?
Not Republican.
I guess Galactic Empire.
Okay, those are the Nazis.
Yeah, those are the Nazis.
Those are space Nazis.
You don't want to be a Nazi, man.
No, I don't want to be a Nazi.
No.
Okay, so you're Republic.
They did some good things, but mostly they were probably about even.
They destroyed Alderaan, dude.
Alderaan?
Alderaan.
Poland?
Yeah.
In six weeks, they blew up Alderaan.
The Czech Republic.
Can't fuck with that then, man.
I like how he sneaked that in.
The Czech Republic, dude.
The way I like that.
You know what happened.
Yeah.
All right.
So we're going to work on not being Nazis or Democrats.
No, I'm not Nazi.
Democrats, I don't know.
I don't know which one is worse.
I have to say, Democrats, maybe.
I probably am.
Yeah, I'm a Democrat.
You're a Democrat?
Yeah.
See, I'm-
I mean, actually, no, I got to study this shit.
Yeah.
I'm a Democrat, I'm a Democrat, but if I was to lean, definitely, I would probably lean
left.
Yeah.
Me too.
But I can't go as extreme as they go.
The demon rats.
Yeah.
And the right is just like, I'll tell you when I return Republican, once I start making
$750,000 and I'm going to fuck what they're talking about, you can call me whatever you
want to.
I need those taxes cut.
Me too.
And why can't people just be honest about that?
If you make over a certain amount of money, it's okay to be Republican, be like, I need
my taxes cut down.
If not, you're just not that bright.
Yeah.
But if you're on the other side of that, if you're poor and you're Republican-
It's literally what you're doing, dumbass.
Yeah, you're just getting taken advantage of.
Yeah.
I'm poor as shit, so-
Yeah, right now, I have no need to be a Republican at all.
Brandon, you're very rich in spirit.
I mean, rich in spirit, but physically, I am poor as shit.
Poor as shit.
You're talking about your physical talents?
Physical talents, yes, we're good, but like, no, I'm talking about-
We're good.
I'm talking about-
Basketball extraordinaire.
Basketball, are you ready for this?
Yes, yes, I am ready for this.
Ready for what?
What, we're gonna do a shot or something?
What, yeah, with the beer?
Did you bring your shot glasses in?
We would not do that on this podcast.
Yeah, I did.
No.
You brought them all in?
No, just-
He brought this to me.
J.J. brought this to me.
That was-
All right.
I would never do anything like that.
So we have a basketball game coming up.
Once my back heel's up, I pulled it.
I don't even know what I did to pull it, but I pulled it.
You were taking a shit.
According to J.Q., you were taking a shit and you pulled the bag.
And dude, I will call him and he will come up here and beat your ass.
I need every-
Jake Muncie's been on the show, friend of the podcast.
He has got the game completely fucked up.
To think, even with a bad back right now, I'm telling you, I will not only slam him,
but now I'm gonna viciously slam him.
At first, I was just gonna lay him down and just have control of him, but now I'm going
to slam him like fucking Tuga tongue of a lawyer while he's on the mat.
I'm gonna just slam his head against the fucking mat, let it pop up, and then choke him out
and talk to him until he loses consciousness.
And it's gonna take me less than 16 fucking seconds.
You see, I disagree with that statement.
When I see Jake Muncie, what I think in my head is pure athlete.
A specimen of a human being.
No, my God, Brandon.
No, he's not.
Like just a dude that could just have his way with you.
He was at 10th grade.
Alex, can we just insert the clip right here of him curly?
Look at this.
Oh, I've never seen this.
Can we do that?
And I'll do sound effects too.
Like ba-dum.
Okay.
One, one, one, one.
Straight into the floor, dude.
I almost fell down for getting those things.
This hair, though.
It kind of looks like a pretty thing.
This style.
Oh my God.
It could have been so much worse.
So we're back from seeing that clip and this is the guy that thinks.
This is Dom Curling.
He's straight curl.
But to be fair, he did have an inner ear infection.
Yeah, I agree.
He will surprise you.
No.
Brandon, no he won't.
Come on.
Brandon, I'm telling you, I'm so, I can't believe that you would say this as a wrestler.
He's saying that because he got his ass beat by Jake.
No, no, I'm not saying that.
You let Jake beat you?
Huh?
You let Jake beat you?
Man, we're just grappling around.
Did he beat you?
Yeah.
I am going, nah, just because of that I'm going to murder him.
Oh no, dude, we can all grapple.
We can all grapple again.
We can all grapple.
Brandon, look.
I'm grappling too with this.
Why you want to touch a dude so badly?
Well, because I love grappling.
And wrestling and fucking cranking.
I love that stuff, man.
I love it.
Not the sexual way.
I'm talking about like fighting.
I am going to sexually assault Jake on the mat.
I just want you guys to know this.
It will be bad and he will feel-
Violated.
Yeah, violated, demoralized.
He will probably want to commit suicide afterwards.
And Brandon, you might have to stay at his house so he doesn't because it's going to
be vicious.
It's going to be ugly.
We're all going to get-
Check my fucking track record, 36 and 4.
He has a track record of sexual assault.
He sexual assaults everybody he's ever coming in contact with.
Are you wrestling too, JJ?
Yeah, I'll touch some dudes.
Hell yeah, man.
Piss off.
Hell yeah.
I can't believe you, Brandon.
So you think Jake can beat me?
Do you think Jake can beat me?
I feel like anybody can.
No, no, no, anybody can't.
Because you wrestled before and you wrestled that motherfucker who fucked you up and you're
like, nothing I could have did.
Oh yeah, that one dude, yeah.
It's been multiple.
I guarantee.
Yes, I've had those moments where one dude-
It's just a supreme human being that you just can't beat.
Yeah, there is.
Yes, I have seen that.
I am that to Jake times 10.
See, my thing is I have to see- He can't curl a fucking 100 pounds with two
hands.
Yeah, I have to see.
Because I haven't seen any of y'all wrestle, so I have to see it.
I've never seen it.
Me, I give everybody the benefit of doubt.
I am a collegiate wrestler.
I am a state qualifier.
He is a collegiate wrestler.
I give everybody the benefit of doubt.
I said that right, collegiate.
My thing is you should never underestimate- You son of a bitch.
You white fucking whore.
Collegiate.
Collegiate wrestler.
I can't underestimate anybody, man.
First of all, you're going to try and wrestle a guy that can control the weather.
That's going to be difficult.
That's going to present some unknown challenges.
Not a lot of Jews in Centralia, man.
Actually, I don't know if we- Like I said, I can't tell Jews apart from white people.
You guys can.
I've never been more offended by his- Unless they got the nose, then I can't tell- Or
the Jufro.
I agree.
Other than that, you can't tell a white person from a Jew?
Do you have the sense of smell?
Then you can.
What do they smell like?
I don't know what they smell like.
Tell me this.
You ever worked as a cashier?
Yes.
Smells like that.
Oh, okay.
Kenny Copper?
I didn't say all that.
I don't like cashier smell.
You don't like what?
Cashier smell.
Smells like work.
You done with cashiering, huh?
Yeah, we know what you're saying.
No, I'm still there.
I'm still there.
You going to hang on?
You still getting those donations?
Now, thankfully, we're done with that for a little bit.
But when it comes back-
I'll get them.
Just deal with a bunch of angry old ladies.
Hey, 780- 781.
I want you to round up to 10.
How much am I tipping?
You said 781?
Rounding up to 10?
781?
Okay.
So, 781, 91, 10.
You said 781?
Yeah.
You went right there.
I'm sorry.
Come on, Brandon.
You're a veteran now.
I know it.
It is 29 cents, isn't it?
Huh?
My bad.
What's the 19th cents?
Yeah.
Yes.
So, you got 10.
Then you go around with that.
Yes.
You got the one last number.
You would have had to, what is it, you rounded up to 10 and one cent.
Then you would have had an extra 10.
But now we got nine.
Yes.
So, yes.
What's the answer all around?
How much are you-
From 781 to $10.
19 cents?
Yes.
I don't know why you're laughing.
Yes, that is the correct answer.
19 cents?
It is 19 cents.
19 cents.
It's 19 cents.
Because, hold on.
So, you said, hold on.
Watch this.
Watch it.
Hold on.
So, listen.
So, look.
So, you said 181, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.
Yes.
The one, then you got to add the extra cent.
You got to add the extra cent.
Okay.
We don't want to add the extra cent unless we say, round it up to 10.
No.
You got to add the extra cent.
You don't want to add the extra cent, Dom.
So, first of all.
So, what's the, I said, here.
My total is 781.
I gave you $10.
I said, donate the rest of that.
How much did you donate?
Wait, hold on.
Restart that.
You said.
All right.
So, you were talking way too fast.
781 is my total.
Okay.
$7.81 is my total.
I gave you a $10 bill.
I said, you donate the rest of that to your charitable cause.
Oh, shit.
My bad.
I thought you said, round it up.
But you said you gave me 10 bucks out of 781?
Yeah.
All right.
So, we got a, hold on.
He was right the first time.
You did the.
I thought you said, round it up.
Now I got 10 more.
Brad has been plucking at money.
Yes, I have.
I've been working.
He's been working.
Okay.
So.
Okay.
So, let's see.
So, one.
You already did the hard part.
Yes, I did.
So, I guess $2.19.
Man, look at that.
Give yourself a round of fucking applause.
A round of fucking applause.
So, that's it.
I do this shit.
Motherfucker.
Man, just the customer service, please.
My customer, be bad to me, man.
Oh my God.
They be screaming and shit?
Dude, they do.
One lady was getting on my ass, yelling the whole time.
She was like, man, I don't want to make a scene, but I'm supposed to have this boba.
Then she's looking at it.
She's like, oh, wait a minute.
I do have it.
My bad, sir.
I'm so sorry.
A boba?
Boga.
Bogo.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, nobody wouldn't get one and all that type of shit.
Yeah, and then one lady mistaken me for a teenager, man.
She was like, you need to bag my shit right.
Come on, man.
She said that?
Yeah, she's like, you need to bag it right.
You suck.
I'm like, dang it.
Shut the fuck up.
Where did the teenage element come from?
Well, because when I left, the person was like, oh, that's this other guy, man.
He's 14.
I'm like, damn, man.
She just mistaken me for 14.
That's crazy.
Oh, so you weren't even checking her out.
She just came up to you.
No, I was checking her out this time, and she thought I was the same person.
To be honest, I was checking her out.
I was checking her out.
To be fair, you could have told me when I met you that you were 14 or 74, and I would
have believed you.
I appreciate that.
You're welcome.
In the same way that Dom's race is ambiguous, your age is ambiguous.
It escapes me.
But I'm saying I feel like everybody should do at least four years of Cuppin Service.
Because they'll show you the light.
I think in the United States, instead of mandatory military service, mandatory customer service.
You're going to be a better person at this.
If you worked fast food for two years, a lot of people would shut the fuck up about some
shit that doesn't matter.
But I've been to fast food restaurants when the person in line's like, I used to work
here.
I ain't trying to hear that.
Oh, I hate that.
It can go both ways.
Yeah.
Because now you got more knowledge, and then whenever I'm at McDonald's and I order...
But they were shitty workers?
Yeah.
They didn't really have more knowledge?
Yeah.
And then I'm like... I worked at McDonald's my first job when I was 14, 15.
And then whenever I order something like a five for five, it was like, yeah, this shouldn't
take that long.
Whatever they got.
They do have a five for five now.
At McDonald's?
Yeah.
What do you give five of?
You get fries, nuggets, a McDouble or McChicken, and a drink, and a barbecue sauce.
Really?
Or whatever kind of sauce you want.
For five dollars, you get all that?
Yeah.
Let me see this.
They count the sauces one out of five, which is very weak.
I was about to say I did that.
Which is very weak.
Yeah.
It's like a five dollar bun.
Oh, they got it.
Five dollar meal deal, man.
Let's check this out.
You might be saving money.
Oh, my lunch break.
That's where you go.
Because anything else is like fucking $10, and I'm working to fucking have lunch.
The McChicken or the McDouble?
McChicken's terrible though.
Let's just try it.
You got to get the crispy one.
You need the McDouble and Mac sauce.
You need the crispy.
Ooh.
Crispy.
Crispy what?
The crispy McChicken.
You know what's good?
Yeah, I put you guys on game.
Wow.
They're not all going to like this.
They're going to hate it.
But if you go get a McDouble like this, you want the bun steamed.
Like the fish filet bun, because it's the only thing they steam is the fish filet bun,
and they have to put it in there, and it takes a little bit longer.
Yeah.
And so it takes a little bit longer, but the burger will taste like a big White Castle
burger.
Yeah.
Yeah, the texture of the McDonald's steamed bun is just good.
Oh, okay.
Right now.
What is that?
Crocs.
You know, seeing this, this is a new action figure thing.
No.
Yeah.
Did you collect them?
That doesn't look like an action figure.
No, yeah, they got the little crocs now.
They're mini crocs.
I fuck with it.
Actually, we're not.
So, JJ, you ran in crocs.
I did run in crocs.
I'm running in crocs right now.
I'll show you.
Put them up there.
Let's see them.
Show them your little things.
These ain't little, man.
He's like size 12 and a half.
Yeah, Alex.
No, he's talking about your emblems on that.
Emblems?
What's that?
The gibbets.
Oh, the little gibbets.
Okay, look, we got that right here.
That's what's up.
Star Wars shit.
You never seen Star Wars?
Yeah.
How many times?
It was Jake put me on.
He got me to see the one all the way up to 2002.
Now, you watched them all with him, just him alone in his apartment, right?
Did he touch you?
No.
No, that's not true.
Okay.
He did.
If he did, I'm going to fuck him up even harder.
I don't trust you around Jake alone.
Did he try to force choke you?
No.
Okay.
Because you know, they have those powers.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I saw it firsthand with our baby.
Yeah, the Jews are the Sith.
For sure.
Are they that bad ass?
Yeah, they shoot lightning.
I don't know, man.
They shoot lightning.
It's the elements.
Where is it at?
Where is it?
Oh, yeah.
Bartender.
I'm trying to find a certain one.
Oh, you're talking about wild.
Yeah.
Look at Wado.
He actually is supposed to be a Jew.
He has slaves.
I got a deal on slaves.
Dude, because when I saw that-
Jesus Christ, Brandon.
Listen, listen.
Oh, more than anything I've ever said on this podcast.
Never mind.
I take it back.
Brandon.
I take it back.
Dude.
No, say it.
Keep on saying it.
That was fucked up.
Please keep on saying it.
Who looked like this?
Jake Munty.
No, not Jake.
That's what Brandon said.
Not Jake.
I didn't say Jake.
When I saw it, I accidentally, like, listen, I love you to death, man.
I accidentally said, I said Mark Viola.
And then Jake was like, no.
And I was like, okay, okay.
Because I didn't know.
I literally just saw a character.
I don't know.
It's almost like that's what it conveyed to you.
It's almost like that was a George Lincoln.
I guess he looked like me a little bit, right?
It looked like me.
It's almost like that was the entire intention behind this character.
Yeah, but I didn't know this character that much.
I just looked at-
So this was Mark Viola.
So when you see this image right here, Brandon, can you give me three adjectives about how
you feel about this character?
Three adjectives?
Yeah, come on.
So like, three things that make you, what do you get about this guy, Watto, from this
image?
I guess he looked like that thing.
You remember the mucus ad?
So adjectives.
Musinex?
Yeah, Musinex.
So grotesque.
Grotesque.
Yes, Shrek.
Grotesque, number one.
Squidward.
Okay.
Yeah, Squidward.
Okay, and then what other two besides that?
Grotesque.
Those are both nouns.
Those are all categorized under grotesque.
It looked like he could fuck some shit up, maybe, if he really wanted to.
Okay, so deceitful.
Deceitful.
Oh, we're talking about words.
Yeah, yeah, adjectives.
Well, those were also words.
I know, but like, adjective words.
And then one more.
So we've got grotesque, deceitful, and what else?
Devious.
Mark Viola.
Oh, yeah.
We need to get him up.
We do, we do.
We really do need to get him up.
Can you please click on the link?
Yeah.
That's my mom used to tell me, she'd be like, you got them clod hoppers.
Clod hoppers?
Can you Google that?
I don't know exactly what you're saying.
Clod.
Oh, this is an autism thing.
Big feet.
Trains.
Is it, you, quad is what she was saying?
Clod.
C-L-O-D.
Oh, maybe that's it.
C-L-O-D.
Maybe that's it.
It's a candy.
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know that translation.
There we go.
Clod hoppers.
Oversized boots or shoes that make clunky noises on the floor when you roll on them.
I couldn't pick up my feet back then, so that makes sense.
Why couldn't?
I don't know, man.
It's just something that took me time to do, because I was walking, dragging my feet.
People go at their own pace.
Yeah, exactly, man.
Like, what's being body-dragged?
Oh, what are you talking about here?
Oh, man, dude, we went out to middle school with this shit.
Middle school, you couldn't pick up your feet?
Even in freshman year.
13 years old.
I used to be dragging my feet, even freshman year.
That's 14.
14 years old.
I still do it.
22.
Sometimes, 21.
Oh, 21.
It happens.
Oh, yeah, it happens, man.
Like, potty training, man.
Yeah, well, you still haven't mastered that one yet, but we're on the way.
Oh, no, I'm going to take out for you right now, Brandon.
Guys, look, I would rather 10 out of 10 times piss in a stall like you do with your pants
around your ankles and your booty out than fucking shit on the goddamn floor like this
fucking Neanderthal.
Tell him what you did.
Damn, man.
You see, I do have a discrepancy with what you said.
I do have a slight grievance.
I didn't shit on the floor on purpose.
No, I know.
It wasn't purposeful.
He doesn't purposely have his ass out.
Yes, he does.
That is a conscious, active decision.
But it doesn't matter.
You know this is something that can happen.
Okay, dude, as you should know as of late, you don't always know what your stomach situation
is going to be like.
Sometimes there's a little bit more gas, some flatulence behind your turds.
And when you gargoyle, it's a life of ups and downs.
Yeah.
What happened?
You know, sometimes I shat on the floor, dude.
And it was because there was too much velocity behind the shit due to the gas built up behind
the turd that I kind of like half-
You hear this, Brandon?
Half in, half out.
Fence straddled the rim of the toilet.
Half of this shit went into the toilet.
Another half splattered all over the ground.
And the smell, it was like when you drop oil behind you to spin out somebody chasing you.
It was like that.
It was tarry.
It was hazardous.
The CDC would probably have some issues with this.
They'd make you worry.
Normal is what he's trying to say.
Dude, that's the same with my penis, what I'm trying to say.
It's the same as his penis.
Because I'm like, dude, the way you shoot out like that and you don't know what's going
to happen or what you're going to get, that's the same as when I take that piss.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Because whatever gets on the floor.
Have you ever farted out of your penis?
Have I ever farted out of my penis?
What is that?
Like a manqueese?
Yes.
Meaf.
Where the fuck is that thing?
I don't think I had a meaf.
That would scare the shit out of me.
It would be scary.
It would be like an elephant.
Yeah, I couldn't do that.
Make a little elephant noise.
You got to go see a doctor.
That's a new STD, man.
Yeah, elephantitis.
Elephantitis.
Elephant.
The elephant man.
It sounds good, but it's not.
No, it's not.
What would be good about it?
You know, they made a movie about a guy with elephantitis and Jake starred in it.
Look up, yeah, the mask with a chair.
This was a Jollywood production?
Movie.
Why do you time Jim?
No, no, no.
Why'd you put Jim?
Not that one?
No.
Movie.
A chair, 1985 one.
Why is this the mask?
Oh, shit.
Oh, I mean.
Is that that?
Let's get a bigger.
Damn, man.
That's him doing that face.
That's Matthew Lumber right there.
That's the face.
And Brandon said he's better at ball than you Lumber.
Oh, yeah.
Eat your heart out.
Lumber's good.
Well, you and your team.
Are you better than Lumber?
He can shoot.
But are you better?
No.
No, I feel like I can probably.
But you're better than JJ.
I can block.
That's what I'm saying.
But you said out of y'all three, you said it went Lumber, then who's second?
Well, I mean, you know, he's getting around.
He's more athletic right now.
I gotta get more athletic.
Right now, right now.
OK, but whenever you guys play.
Things were completely different back then.
You said it was Lumber, then who was second?
I mean, at second, at the time.
Brandon, be honest.
Yeah.
It's OK.
I guess JJ at the time.
But you said you were better than JJ.
Because my asthma got in my way.
That's the only thing.
I gotta fix that asthma.
But you told us on camera that you were better than JJ.
Because I still did good.
It was still really good.
Brandon, you can be honest.
You were better than both me and Matthew Lumber that day.
The shots was there.
If my asthma didn't fuck me up, man.
I mean, I was just blocking.
You should tell us what's.
Brandon, I can't wait to destroy you.
If he didn't have asthma, he would have Tomahawk Dome.
No, no, no.
I just gotta control it.
If I don't control it because I do that, yeah.
So you say, is it OK.
So at first you said Lumber, you, then JJ.
Now you're saying Lumber.
Dude, I don't know.
We gotta do it again.
Brandon, you're not going to offend me.
I mean, say what you know right now.
I feel like, let's see.
Are we talking about shots or defense?
No, basketball.
Overall.
You know what?
Fuck it.
I'll save me for next time.
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
OK, so it'd be Matthew, and then we say Brandon, and JJ.
Yeah, and then JJ.
And I would agree with that ranking.
I'm going to work up to that.
The only discrepancy I would have is I think you are slightly better than Lumber, but it
would be like, take your pick.
It's like, who's better, John Cena or The Rock.
Do you agree with that?
You know what?
Fuck it.
Yes.
So you agree with that?
I'm going to.
So I'm going to start practicing to be up to that.
But no, I'm going to be up to that.
You're already there.
He's saying you're already there.
You're already there.
Man, I've been slacking recently.
Just say Matthew Lumber's a bitch and that you're better than him at basketball in every
other aspect of life.
I'm not going to say that.
But you are.
OK.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
There we go.
Yeah.
OK, so whenever we play this game, it's you, JJ Lumber.
Oh, hell yeah.
Right?
Hell yeah.
Me, Blake Russell, and Charlie.
Yeah.
All right.
That was not the team.
What was the team?
It was you, Lumber, and Blake Russell.
God, you guys are fucked.
Did you not just hear that he's better than all your teammates?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But did I already talk about giving him how much for the basketball?
$100.
If he scores one point on me, I will guard you the whole time.
I'm going to score a point.
And then after that, $5 every point.
I'm going to get a point.
And then we'll have $1,050.
We're going to have $100, definitely.
Yeah.
$100.
How much would you have to score to get $100?
Just one, right?
You said just get one?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, so we're going to get it.
You think you can just trick this guy.
No, I'm going to get the score.
You'll see.
No, you won't.
Oh, I got it.
Not if I'm guarding you.
You won't get the score.
Man, I ain't getting $100.
Yeah, and Don was pretty regarded.
Regarded?
What's that?
Tied toosie?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
Oh, you're smart.
You're smart, but what is regarded?
Oh, it's just joking.
It sounds like it.
It's guarding again.
Oh, regarded.
I'm regarded.
Somebody regarded.
Yeah, you are regarded.
I believe it.
Thank you.
You're very well regarded.
Yeah.
All right, so I can't wait for this to happen.
I feel like he's in the room with us right now.
I can't believe that pussy died.
Who?
Jake, he really thinks that he can beat me in any kind of fistfights.
I think he'll beat you.
I've changed my stance since the last fight.
Okay, I want this though, because Brandon's already on Jake's side.
And for what reason?
I mean, it can't even, it doesn't even fester in my mind.
Have you ever been hit by a lightning bolt?
Me, I'd give anybody a benefit.
I don't think you're defense against that.
You're giving him the benefit of the doubt, Brandon.
Yeah.
I'll give everybody a benefit of the doubt.
So you give me the benefit of the doubt that I'm not going to destroy this man.
Have you taken the defense against the Dark Arts class?
I can't believe you, Brandon, but I'm going to, but because of you, I want him to know,
because you know he's going to have a little temper tantrum and walk out of the gym.
You do know that, right?
No, he's going to see red and he's going to beat your ass.
He won't be able to do anything about it.
He's going to slam you.
He's going to instantly know that, oh, if he wanted to do anything he wanted to me, he could right now.
You've heard of the German suplex. You ever heard of the Jewish suplex?
No, they don't.
Yeah, they destroy your economy.
It's going to be a fun night. We're all wrestling.
You wrestling, Alex?
Sure.
Yeah, see? Like everybody else.
If I tell Jake it's like Mario and if you die, coins will come out of you, he'll murder you.
You get it, Brandon?
I get it.
Brandon gets it.
I'm disappointed in you, Brandon.
I give it to everybody, man.
You give it to everybody?
You never know what I'm going to do. I'm wrestling.
Furrier or no matter what it is.
I'll do that.
What if they wanted to be a dog?
Be the what? Like the top? Win? Is that what we're talking about?
Top dog.
Top dog, yeah, top dog.
Then we'll all just compete and see who gets it. Never know.
Sexually.
Not sexually.
Would you say you're more of an alpha male or a sigma male?
I'd give me an alpha, man.
Yeah, alpha male.
You're classic alpha?
Yes.
I'd say I'm more sigma.
I'd give me an alpha.
I definitely agree.
I'm more sigma.
Sigma.
I don't like white women.
What about you, Don?
Alpha, come on.
Hell yeah, man. That's what I'm talking about, man.
It's alpha all day, sigma, in-cell, whatever the fuck they bullshit.
And goddamn, what'd you say what we do at the beginning to the Native Americans?
Land acknowledgement.
Land acknowledgement and ablist and god damn it.
Hell yeah.
I fucking, dude, English is already hard enough.
For some people.
Brandon, you too.
I struggle.
Yeah, I know.
Find out when ablist was formed with the board. Has it always been there?
When ablist was formed or disformed.
That's a crazy Google.
No, this is a good thing.
I like how there's a picture of Christmas addicts.
I mean, what's abolished?
I don't know.
When ablism, when were black people started?
Abl, ism, just search abl.
Abl, ism.
1960s.
Yeah, civil rights movement, man.
They're your people.
Damn.
Damn right they are.
We made shit happen.
Yes, we did.
Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks.
Hoover.
That's only because back then they thought all black people were regarded.
What'd you say?
The only reason is just because they all thought all black people were regarded.
It was like in the DSM-IV that homosexuality was a mental disorder.
It was also black.
That woman tell her, you know, she's like, hey, if you don't want to be black, rub some lotion on there.
Yeah.
And help their husband.
That was wild.
But it works.
Sammy Sosa, one of the leaders of the civil rights movement.
Look up Sammy Sosa now.
Oh, Lord, he probably looks like Donald Glover when he was playing Michael Jackson on his show.
He looks better than ever.
What?
Look at that.
He looks like George Zimmerman.
He even got a perm.
He got a perm for this.
Why they do this?
What's going on?
Because he wants to be, he's too rich.
And when you get too rich, you're like, I can't be black.
Go with the one with the cowboy, red cowboy hat.
Oh, God.
And the one with his wife on the left.
Look at this one.
He's like pink.
Yeah.
That's a disease.
All right.
God damn.
Why does he look like Al Jarreau a little bit?
Who?
Al Jarreau.
Nobody know about Al Jarreau?
I don't.
I don't look like Al Jarreau.
Like Breaking Away.
You never heard of that song?
Look up Al Jarreau.
Breaking Away downtown.
No, not downtown.
He's walking fast, faces passing, I'm homebound.
And I need you.
And I miss you.
No, no, he does.
He does.
Breaking Away.
How the fuck do you know these people?
Dude, he was a perfect singer, man.
Like Trouble in Paradise.
Got a Trouble in Paradise.
Yeah, that was the shit.
Sing it for us.
I don't remember the lyrics, but man, I could hum it.
Do it.
And the mic.
I want to live in paradise.
I don't know, man.
They do tend to live in Paris.
No, Paradise, not Paris.
Who's they?
Well, there's a Kanye Jay-Z song about this topic.
Who?
What is the name of the song?
I can't quite remember, dude.
It's Something in Paris.
A naysayer in Paris?
No, it wasn't that.
I blasted this in the car.
It was something a lot more accurate.
Holy shit.
You hear this, Brandon? We got a racist on our Goddamn podcast.
You guys are racist.
You guys are fucking racist.
I am racist.
Y'all don't support Sammy Sosa.
He just wanted to look better in his own.
Holy shit.
That was his definition of beauty.
We can't sit here and just giggle at this white man's perspective.
Let's get scientific about this racism, dude.
Think about it.
Across cultures, people who want to look better,
gays in Japan, they do whiteface, man.
So you're just saying one culture?
That's one culture, Sammy Sosa, wherever he was from.
He's mentally harmed or something.
And then you have people that go the opposite way,
that are socially regarded.
Oh, go look up at the Australian girl.
That's hot. That's hot as shit.
That's good. I like that.
It looks like he sold other Mexicans.
Woman who turned black.
What the fuck?
Women who turned black.
Her, right there.
Holy shit.
What?
Yeah.
It gets worse. What the fuck?
No.
UK.
She's getting pigmentation like what Robert Downey Jr. did.
Okay, who's the guy on the right?
That's Sammy Sosa.
It's like Dan Snyder right there, man.
That's Sammy Samoa.
Sammy Samoa.
Guys, do you think I should become black?
Huh?
You want to have to for the 12th.
Melanin injections?
Dude.
If you don't at least get some Tanner to be me,
I will be pissed off.
I will be wearing powder on my face.
I just don't know if other people will take it well.
Because you spray tan?
Yeah.
You can spray tan.
White people can do it.
Ariana Grande did it and people were real upset about it.
She's still like the number one, I don't know, pop star, I guess.
She's on Wicked.
Taylor Swift.
Huh?
Wicked. She's going to be on Wicked.
See? She's on Wicked.
I don't know what that is.
Me neither, but she's on it.
Wizard of Oz? We know about Wicked.
Oh, it's a play on Wizard of Oz?
No, it's a movie.
But it did start out as a Broadway play.
Yeah.
You think how they had the Wiz for Wizard of Oz?
Great movie.
You think they have the Wiz for Wicked called Wicked, Wicked, Wicked?
Wicked.
What?
Wicked, Wicked, Wicked.
See?
Your record's cracked.
Wicked, Wicked, Wicked.
See that? It's going to be good.
Yeah, that doesn't look good.
Yeah, it doesn't.
Yeah, it doesn't, honestly.
No, she's white there.
Yeah, hold on.
They have a black lady in green face?
Yep.
Who is green?
Hmm.
Fuckin' hell, man.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
That looks racist, somehow.
Let's just see what the money is.
There's something very wrong.
So hold on.
She is really just white?
Ariana Grande?
Yeah.
What did you think she was?
Well, she's never looked this white before.
She's like Italian.
Good art.
Wait, she's not Mexican?
I mean, no.
What?
Oh.
Well, Italians are pretty much black.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Whoa, dude.
And I'll tell them that to their face and they hate it.
Italians are not pretty much black.
They're not white, so they're basically black.
They are black.
Yeah.
They'll say the N-word, but I don't believe them.
Yeah, I've seen the movies.
Dude, I could've sworn.
She's not Mexican.
You want me to see what nationality?
I thought she was Mexican, too.
I thought... Let me see.
No, man.
She's probably Italian.
No.
Grande?
Yeah, it's like Starbucks.
Fenty?
Ariana Medium.
Starbucks is Italian.
I know what coffee is.
Okay, let's see.
So, what?
Italian America.
I never knew that.
That's... Wow.
Go back to images.
She calls her Grandma Nona.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Is that Gerard Carp... Oh, no.
That's Big Sean.
See, if you seen that, you wouldn't be white, right?
But go to the one on the right.
Now, it would be white right there.
This is when she was on Victorious.
This is my era.
Oh, okay.
Do you know about Victorious?
Can you look up Ariana Grande, Black Eyed Girls, and the Black Eyed Girls?
I don't know.
This is when she was on Victorious.
This is my era.
Oh, okay.
Do you know about Victorious?
Can you look up Ariana Grande, Blackface?
Oh, man.
Because there are some very close... There's some shit that's borderline blackface.
She did Asian Face first.
Whoa.
Now, that...
That's not her.
That's her.
But that's pretty dark.
That's pretty dark, dude.
Yeah, do that, JJ.
Yeah, you could do that, though.
I don't think... She got in a lot of trouble because she did that.
No, she just can't.
A big black fish in a small pond.
Let me just... Hold on.
I heard there's an apparent Asian face.
Let's see.
Yellow face.
Yellow face?
All right.
I don't think it's going to come up.
Now that's pretty...
That is pretty Asian.
Shut the fuck up.
Because of the...
Now, the lips are way too big.
And this would be post-double eyelid surgery.
That is fucked.
This is like an anime Asian.
But she's definitely trying to be something not white, though, right?
I think she's trying to be something inhuman.
Oh, she has a butterfly tattoo.
So at least she's original with her look, what she's trying to do.
Yeah.
That's good.
I don't see a lot of people with butterflies.
This is blowing my mind.
I don't either.
I can't believe she just regular white.
I never knew she was Italian.
That's cool.
Yeah, you don't like her anymore, dude.
What are you talking... Man.
You don't like the white seat, Bruno.
I don't like them.
I'm calling you Nigra sometimes.
I do, just never to your face.
I heard him.
You did?
When did this happen, man?
We were sitting over here chilling.
He was like, you know what, Brandon?
Just a fucking Nigra.
Oh my gosh, man.
I'm sorry, Brandon.
That's how I feel about you.
That's how you feel?
Yes.
That's fucked up.
That is fucked up after all you guys been through.
It's all we've been through, man.
And he's just calling you Nigra-diss.
Man, we on water slides, now you're calling me this.
This is not... Water slides.
Did you go on one of the water slides?
No, I didn't.
While I was in the way.
Now, see?
There is something about that that doesn't quite add up.
I was in the wave pool.
You went down the slide, but I cheered you on.
Well, thank you, Brandon.
I retract my statement.
Brandon, you learned how to swim that night.
Now you're calling me with the gruh, huh?
You learned how to swim that night, right?
Yes, I did.
In the wave pool.
Best time of my life.
Pat held your belly while you paddled?
No, no, no.
He didn't know how to swim either, really.
No, we tried to get Pat to swim.
It's too much weight to hold.
I feel like if he would have taught me how to drag me under that ground, he'd drown me.
Especially when I went up that wave, not him, the wave.
Oh, yeah, speaking of Pat, that's when I'm impersonating on the 12th.
Oh, shit.
Yes, I'm getting my fat suit and I'm getting my fat suit.
Did he give you a set already?
Not yet.
12th of October.
Yeah, this will be out after that, but...
Oh, will it?
Yeah.
Really?
No, it won't.
It won't.
Oh, shit.
Well...
Hey, 12th of October.
Shenanigans, come out, please.
I'll be doing blackface.
He'll be doing me and I'll be doing him.
I got to get me a little wig or something for you.
I know exactly... I already know the outfit.
This will be my first public blackface appearance.
I know.
Let me see that wig.
Throw that over here.
I was thinking if this would work.
That's Tammy.
Yeah, that's Tammy, though.
We can trim it, but we do want to keep it.
Yeah, you can do that.
Yeah, we got to keep it.
That's Tammy's hair.
I'm seeing that.
What are you doing?
She's fucking Brandon.
Okay, that does not look like me.
That actually is good.
No, it doesn't.
That looks like fucking a Fu Manchu.
I don't have a Fu Manchu.
We should trim that out, though.
I got to get some type of mustache, because I don't let mine...
Now, that one looks the most accurate out of any...
This one?
Yes.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
There you go.
Kenny Powers.
Yeah.
This is going to be fun.
I just wonder how Pat's going to dress as me.
Are you going to get a small wig?
He's going to have to get a little...
Hair cut, look at you.
Yeah.
He'll just get a shirt that's too small.
Damn.
It has to be.
Shoes that are very large.
Yes.
And...
Penny loafers.
Yeah, like my old work shoes.
And then the tightest jeans that you have ever seen.
Oh, man, that one time, yeah.
Yeah, that was a rough time to hack them for us.
You say one time, but...
It was multiple.
Damn.
How come nobody told me, man?
I would have...
We did.
We told you multiple.
Man, I would have fixed that up.
You didn't.
I don't like wearing tight pants.
I mean, Brandon, they were so tight, you knew that you was hard to move in them.
No.
Not till that night.
So they weren't hard to move at all in?
No.
Those were.
Those right there.
Those ones were?
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
That's a tail.
Yeah.
Size started growing again, man.
That's crazy.
You said what?
I said the size started growing again.
You know what I mean?
Nope.
You got the big thighs.
Oh, thighs.
Bro.
I thought you were saying size kept on growing.
Yeah.
No, no, thighs growing.
Get an extra big mat.
You get an extra big mat on the app.
What app?
The McDonald's app?
Mm-hmm.
Fuck yeah.
All right.
So we're about done.
But before we go, we just talked about year.
Oh, shit.
Now, if you don't remember, JJ said out of the year, he's going to do a skydive.
I'll do it, man.
And then I said no, but I said if they had set my weight, I'll go on there and I'll skydive.
And Brandon has committed.
Brandon's thinking about it.
Morpheus, tell us what you think.
When did he get those?
Thinking about it.
When did that happen?
Thinking about it.
But you're probably going to do it.
It's for the year episode, man.
We got to give them something.
I'll give you that or whatever.
Just get my asshole by Pro Wrestling.
I like that.
Yeah, we could do that too.
I mean, it's going to be a whole extravaganza for the year episode.
We stayed on fucking every week for a fucking year.
Every week.
No days off.
Not missed a week, dude.
We're going to jump out of a fucking plane, Brandon.
Call of Duty style, huh?
Like Call of Duty?
Yeah.
You know, they get shot down on that thing.
Yeah, but we're not in the war zone.
Yeah, but this isn't there.
You can't respawn, man.
Life is over once life is over.
We'll buy you.
We'll buy you back.
You'll buy me back?
You can't buy me.
You know.
Not anymore.
I'm glad.
Yeah, but that might happen.
Those glasses are as tight as those jeans.
Yeah.
No, I'm going to go to Burlington after this.
Okay, don't do that.
Bigger pants.
You going to get some?
Yeah.
I'm proud of you.
Maybe do overalls.
Overalls?
No.
You'll look good in overalls.
I'm not finna do a farm.
Farm?
Not farm, but some sort of work in the field.
Work in the field, man.
What kind of work would you be doing in the field?
What I'd be working out would be the one that'd be like, hey man, you gotta move that tractor.
I think you're exactly right.
That's exactly who you would be if you worked in the field.
Construction or anything like that.
Construction?
We over here killing the, no, no.
You could be like John Decaf Coffee.
Who's that?
You.
Decaf Coffee?
That's what my name be?
Yeah.
You heard about John Decaf Coffee?
Man, he's better than Jimmy Dean's, man.
Yeah, because they make good coffee.
Yeah, they make good, no, they make good products.
What kind of products do they make?
Man, they make sausages and fucking eggs and sausage sandwiches.
Well, you lost me at eggs.
I mean, the choice is yours.
They make bacon, too, probably.
Well, you lost Dom at Bacon.
Oh yeah, you can't do bacon. I forgot about that.
No, yeah, I can't.
No, you can't. Don't let him fool you.
Actually, yeah. Because you introduced me to that bacon pizza.
With the barbecue one in the show.
The Haram pizza?
Hadam pizza?
Hadam Hussein.
Hadam.
Only during Ramadan I don't eat it, but after that.
Ramadan.
What is Ramadan?
Ramadan is where you eat everything.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck you, brother.
Alright, we're out.
Thai Tussie.