This week on Clown College.
All right, bud, this is funny.
So I cover my ears and I'm like, hey, this is great.
And the monkey is literally like trying to pull my fingers off of my ear.
He's like mad that I've covered my ear.
And I'm like, this is kind of funny.
That's great.
You know, and everybody's laughing.
We're having a good time at that point.
And then the monkey grabs the front of my shirt like this with one hand, puts his feet
here.
So he's like hanging in front of me, like right here.
He's got a hold of my shirt and he's like hanging and he's just staring at me.
And I'm like, Hey man, I think you should come get your monkey.
Probably like this is not fun anymore.
And I like closed my eyes and like, Hey man, get your monkey off of me.
And the monkey fucking pimp slaps me.
And I was like, bam.
I was like, what?
Did I just get slapped?
I should probably kill the monkey right now.
You know?
And he was like, he slapped me in there.
He's looking like that.
Oh my gosh.
Thanks for the flashbacks, dude.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, the one on the right, he's looking dead at me and slapped me multiple times.
Welcome to clown college.
We have profound knowledge in many ways to elevate and make your sound polished.
So if you want to hear a little honest, you take song aways and make it as a comic.
Stick around for a while to be down to clown.
We got the guests right now just to show you how.
Let's all go to college.
It's with Brandon.
Let's all go to college.
It's with Brandon.
How we sound?
Sound fresh.
Like your haircut, man.
You know what I'm saying?
Just got out the barber chair.
You just got out the barber chair.
I like it.
Do y'all play stuff?
Oh, so I mean sometimes I do a little.
You got that.
You don't have to wear it.
And then we got this, but we never use that.
We never use that.
Too damn long.
Too long.
No, please use it.
Just randomly hit it and we'll go, and we're back.
I don't know, okay.
Hell yeah.
What's up?
How y'all doing?
Man, I feel good.
Have we started?
Well, I don't know, but we got a special guest here, don't we?
Oh, here we go.
We do have a very special guest today.
And sometimes we say we have a special guest and they really aren't shit.
I know you had David Lyon on one side.
You're like special guest.
I was like, eh, not that special.
We got a real special guest on today.
A fucking local legend.
You can see him on productions like The Tonight Show, which sounds insane to say.
You can catch him every weekday morning on Zimbo and Casio in the morning on Rocket 95.1.
Or you could have catched him at Gadsden Community College, man.
Any of those things.
Only for a few semesters.
We got the Casio Kid in today.
Yeah!
Get my theme music.
Oh, I've got you.
And we're back.
In the middle of my intro, we had a commercial break.
Hey, thank you for coming.
What's up, fellas?
Thanks for having me, man.
This is an honor to be here.
Shit, it's an honor for us.
You are the first celebrity that we have on here.
And we're very excited about it.
Whoa, that's sad.
That I'm a celebrity.
You're massive.
I told you this before, like one of my friends was like.
Alright, that's a fat joke.
Hit that noise again.
Oh, this one.
Every time there's a fat joke, I get a fat thing.
And we're back here at the Clown College Podcast.
That's actually Casio's shirt playing that song.
Oh yeah, you know we got another song too, right?
This is so big it was made out of real jungle.
Hey, yo!
I should do that myself.
Hell yeah.
I need all the help I can get.
Oh, dog, dude, you're a beast to stand up.
I think in the first showcase I did at Stand Up Live, you were the feature on there.
And man, you blew that fucking crowd back.
Well, first of all, thank you.
You're a monster, dude.
Thank you.
Not a good writer, but I have fun on stage.
It's effortlessly.
I'm a real bad comedy writer.
What?
Like the worst probably ever.
No, no you're not.
Yeah, anything you've heard me do, I've never wrote down.
Really?
You just came off.
I've tried to do better in the last couple years with notes and I'll keep a headline
or a thing I thought was funny.
And then sometimes I go back and look at it and I'm like, well, I don't know what that meant.
I must have been inebriated when I typed that in.
But I'm not the guy that's got notebooks and I'm keeping recording stuff.
And that's also why my career has brought me here to the Clown College of Wildcats and
not somewhere else.
But yeah, that's not my mindset.
My mind can't work that way.
I figured out in high school how to, I was just intelligent enough to take the test and
get a C and pass.
So I was like, so I don't have to do homework?
This rules.
Yeah, but you need better grades.
For what really though?
Like for what?
We all know I'm not going far or getting a real job.
What am I going to need bad for?
No, I mean, yes, probably.
Wait, what do we do?
What test?
We had 120 people in my graduating class and I graduated number 60.
That's where you want to be.
That's exactly where I wanted to be.
That's where you want to be.
That's the top of the bill.
Yeah.
I was like, cool with the dumb kids.
Cool with the smart kids.
You know what I mean?
For the smart kids, I was like the edgy guy.
He got a D on his report card.
He's a bad boy.
And then for everybody else that I got to see, they were like, my man's smart.
He's got it.
He's funny and cool and he's got smarts too.
Triple threat, dude.
Yeah.
I was a triple threat.
So you're in radio.
I listen to your show every morning from the time I get into work until 10 o'clock with
you and Jimbo.
But did you before you knew me?
You didn't.
No, no, yes.
Okay.
I did.
Because I don't think young people listen to radio.
It surprises me.
Well, I would go to the gym in the morning up in Ardmore and they'd be playing it in the
morning.
I could never figure out how to change a channel.
I listen to it every morning.
He's like, I'd really like to play my playlist right now.
I've got these goobs on the air.
I listen to radio too, but it's much older.
Before our time, in the 30s, I look on YouTube and then sometimes like GTA radio.
And then maybe I listen to the car.
So you go to YouTube and type in 1930s radio and just let a six hour video play?
Sometimes I listen.
What's that dude's name?
He was an old comedian.
His name was, what was it, Jack Benny?
And then he had what?
The male Blanc.
That's what I listen to a lot.
That's right.
The male LeBlanc.
He did all the cartoons.
Yep.
He did Bugs Bunny, Daffy, Sly Vester.
You're going back to listen to him?
Yeah.
Sly Vester.
How do you say it?
Sly Vester?
That was a janitor in my high school that got fired for inappropriate manager.
Was Sly Vester.
Sly Vester the molester, that's what we called him in high school.
Sly Vester.
Oh shit.
He brought him up on the screen.
Yeah.
It'd be great if he did a million voices and none of them were Sly Vester.
Look at his IMDB.
I don't see Sylvester.
Oh, there he is.
Top right.
Unless he does Tweety, but I think that's Sly Vester.
Oh shit, he dead friend.
Oh, watch that last night.
He's a Jim Cassidy.
Man, I've never made it until some random podcast is looking through my resume and they go,
oh shit, he did friend.
Like, there's only Fred Flintstone and I don't know, Fred Savage, what's another famous friend?
John Cena's son, Fred.
What the fuck is that?
You've never seen the Fred movie?
That's a deep gut.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, Fred Figglehorn, dude.
Produced by Dan Schneider.
Fred.
This is in 2011, his prime days, man.
2010, fuck, close.
This is a movie?
Man, that took no time for us nerds to get to wrestling.
Dude, Fred, this is a crazy fact.
He was the first person ever to hit a million subscribers on YouTube.
What the fuck out of it?
Boy, is that real?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
He was the guy with the high-pitched voice that was just behind the scenes.
His whole gimmick was just a voice filter that made him sound super high-pitched.
Wow.
He won I Carly?
I mean, I remember this, the wrestling aspect of it, but I didn't know it was the first
million dollar subscribe.
That's crazy.
Oh, so he was doing this before he made the movie.
Yeah.
And then he made the movie out of that.
Yeah, that's what got him to that.
Oh, okay.
He was the first one of those guys to do that.
But isn't that genius for both companies?
Nobody give them credit, but that's WWE's thing on the pulse of what are kids doing?
What are...
If you watch wrestling now, the majority of it, it ain't for us.
We're adults.
It's for kids and teenagers.
Because when you think, man, what's the greatest era of your wrestling fandom?
It ain't now.
No.
It's when you're a kid or a teenager.
Ruthless aggression, more attitude era, golden era.
Right.
You were a kid.
That's exactly who they're marketing to, which is why they are bigger and better than ever.
And all the adults are like, man, y'all don't know what it was like in 97.
Guess what kids don't care what it was like in 97.
But I will say...
They go, we got Roman Damrae.
Exactly.
The best champion ever.
I mean, really, that's what they think.
He was.
But in our day, we had bra and panty matches.
Come on.
That was for kids.
No, our era was clearly the best era.
I'm just saying, Mike.
There's no kid born now where they've been from five to 10 and their only champion was
Roman Reigns.
They're never going to be like, man, I wish we had bra and panty matches.
Dude, we had Roman Reigns.
He was the champ for five or whatever.
How long he's been...
I forgot how many.
It's a different...
It ain't made for us.
We don't need bra and panty matches.
We got to see Seth Rollins dick on the internet.
Dude, what?
Are you serious?
Yes, man.
Look it up.
Let me see it.
I didn't know that was out there.
I didn't either.
I knew Paige was out there.
That's what got me into wrestling.
I knew Paige and exec...
Oh, nicely done.
I knew Paige with Xavier Woods was out there.
I've seen those.
She had all of them.
Kaitlyn, you remember Kaitlyn too?
What's that?
Kaitlyn?
Remember Kaitlyn?
Wow, she worked at CVS?
You remember Kaitlyn at CVS?
I saw her naked one time.
It's just random.
It's more her.
You all remember Sarah at Captain D's?
She's screaming cracklings and getting naked.
It was a hot time.
Yeah, her when she used to go against AJ Lee a lot.
Yeah, she was a hot time.
I remember her.
She was naked a lot.
Yeah.
No, I don't, but I would like to...
2014.
I wish I would.
What about it though, Brandon?
Oh, well, back in the day, you know, I was young.
She had a porn scene.
I checked it out.
She had an actual porn scene?
Oh yeah, she made her own.
She walked in like this.
Just leave that tab open.
I got you, man.
Trust me.
Back in the day.
She had her own porn scene?
Yes, yes, she did.
Or what they call the leak, but it's all over everything.
Now you get on Pornhub, Xt Hamster.
Yeah, I know how leak works.
Thank you for telling me that, Brandon.
Here's my...
Brandon here's what happens when you're porn late
Yeah, yeah one night oh she's did a interview of Bleacher report
Drugs were involved. That's not good. Well, you know, what's your the best? Yeah, right there isn't that every porn though?
Oh, that's you wanting her to die. Damn
Well, I'm gonna tell you this she's hot. I don't remember
I've never heard of that one right below that one that you got highlighted right here to the right
Was that it the straight-tail speakeasy
I
Do you do wrestling like a podcast with a wrestler one of the greatest wrestlers and me and Brandon's
Hang on. Hang on. Okay, so you do know the new one. All right nice
I've done a bunch of wrestling podcasts. Yes. Currently I have
Three consistent wrestling podcasts. I have a we just started Papa Shango
Godfather Papa Shango, whatever you want to call him. Oh my god
Yeah, man
Oh shit, I just knew him as a godfather get on the train
Oh
Former owner of the cheetah strip club in Las Vegas
My man's seen some things
He met Undertaker on a biker bar when he was just a biker. What? Yeah
He played football at the University of Nevada and then he started bouncing at strip clubs in California in California
and
Through some other things fast forward
Listen to the podcast. Yeah
He met Undertaker, you know Undertaker is a big biker
He's a biker and they met and he was like you should check out wrestling because you look intimidating
He listened to rock music had a mohawk
Had the sleeve tattoo. This is you know way before sleeve tattoos are even popular considered. Yeah
So when that guy walks in you're like now imagine with a mohawk
He's about six seven on three hundred, you know, Jesus. Yeah, it's a big dude
big dude
Did he play football before that play football University of Nevada?
Okay, yeah, yeah your University of Nevada
He played your guys are never gonna believe this. He played football at the University of Nevada
Look at him. Oh, yeah, he comma he came back
With the nation of domination
Oh
Let me do that domination that was when UFC was popping off
so nation of domination was
Ron Simmons D Lowe the rock eventually came in there. They brought other that they brought comma and I was in there
Yeah, oh, yeah, D. Louis that do it. He had like that. So they would deal is the best dude
Yeah, so he came as comma like the ultimate fighting machine because
UFC was popping off. Mm-hmm. So they're like, how can we tie these UFC fans in so he came in like this
And when he comes in at solid six six six seven three hundred like yeah, my dude can fight
Yeah, just an incredible career of somebody who was not into wrestling
And of all people the undertaker tells you to get into wrestling. You're like
Well, he's pretty good
He's pretty good. I mean he wasn't at the time but just like, you know
He was way way ahead of where he was at the time. Oh, so he's like, yeah, okay
He seemed cool. We're at the biker bar together. Whatever and he's one of the only people to get uh, undertake at a break
Yeah
Yeah, you remember that when he's talking about the whole wrong one. That's kamala. That's kamala
He'd be hitting his belly. Yeah, not damn. I didn't know she was in the ww. Yeah
You know, that's undertake a burn right there. Yes, I do once a month the godfather just started that. Um
I don't know when this comes out but the second episode of that will probably drop by the time. This is out
I just recorded it and uh
Then every other week I alternate with uh former wrestling referees. I do uh
A guy that was with wwe his whole career mike kiyota who um was the rocks personal referee
Um, he did a bunch with
He some of your biggest matches you've ever seen he was a referee
Chioda I should let you keep going
What we would have got oh, I have there you go, okay, that's a good picture
When hulkster his like one of his he's been in literally
some of the biggest matches in wrestling history, but
One of his iconic moments is rock and hogan when they did the face-off and started looking around at the crowd
They didn't like wrestle for like 10 minutes like they're just soaking in the crowd but
Rock hogan staredown. He's standing there in the ring. He's in the background
He was the ref for that match that brings back so many memories right there
Good time go right below the one you got highlighted. Let's see if you get it this time
Yeah
Oh, he's blocked his kiyota's face
It's right there on two to the left two to the left two to the left
There you go. Ah, yeah
Kiyota, uh, yeah, he uh, he was in wwe his career
um
And uh, just a great dude, man
Um from jersey lives in florida now
He's a steelers fan. Oh, okay jack. I'm in there. I knew somebody was here
um
And so we do a mailbag every other week
Uh, so people all I do is ask questions of
If I see something in the news kind of but mostly it's just people that watch the podcast any questions
And then on the weeks he does it every two weeks and then the weeks he's not
I do it with another referee
Uh, which was nick patrick who uh, his famous moment was in wcw. He was the nwo hill ref
Where he ref the entire pay-per-view
When the nwo won every match because he was their own personal ref. Yeah
Uh, oh a lot of people say he looked like kenny powers back in the day
He had a next level mullet for a while. He was an astronaut
Look at that. That's kenny power
Oh nicklas patrick. Yeah to the right. Yeah, that was kenny powers mullet time. Oh my gosh
um
His dad was assassin number one. His dad was the assassin which is a wrestling legend
Uh in the territory days and he started deep south wrestling which for a while
If you ever heard of ovw, which is the feeder into uh, wwe deep south was their train nxt is what it is now
Okay. Okay. I know it's deep south was that before they developed their own
Yeah, that was his dad. Hell the assassin
um, and he had a long feud with um
Um bullet bob armstrong, which is huge in the florida alabama territories
Um, they had a huge rivalry
um
He was one of the great minds in wrestling. There you go. Let's get this one. Let's get one
He was like an arm wrestling champion. It was like 60s. Uh, damn
Just in that was that there there they go
There's uh, so his rival was the assassin
And which was jody hamilton and the funny part is for a couple years. I got to do the podcast with road dog
Uh, just shout out road dog. Yes, that's one of the greatest to ever do it. Hell. Yeah
That's my name on call of duty. I just want everybody to know that there you go
There's the dog can I get a help the new age outlaws? Um
Ladies and gentlemen boys and girls i'm not gonna go through the whole thing
Uh, so his dad was bullet barb armstrong. So he has a story
One of my most fascinating stories talking to him
Was when he was a kid
Jody hamilton
Is the assassin and he's seeing him like do these tv promos where he would like
Take an eight by ten of his dad put on the tree and then walk down and shoot it with his gun
And be like you're next bullet barb armstrong
and then like
Three days later that dude's in his kitchen eating dinner because they're friends, you know, and he's like
That dude wants to kill dad
Man you talk about a guy
That capitalized on the moment
everything that was this ruthless aggression era this dx this
this era of
Chaos him and billy gun, of course
Bad a new age outlaws. Oh my god
You're gonna better pick. Uh, this is my favorite. Look at that tag team of all time. Not even close
Road dog jesse james and billy badass dude
When they came out their whole their whole
Their whole intro was sang by everyone in the crowd like if you go watch old pay-per-views
That'll be in the middle of a pay-per-view
But i'll tell you this when they came out there was no bigger pop like the crowds losing their mind
Doing the whole thing they get to the end and if you ain't down with that we got two words for you suck it
like
Dude, how many of us are doing that to our teachers?
Yeah, that's because of these dudes
and then when I get a call from him and he's like are you interested in podcasts you're like
What's going on with my life right now?
Like is this if I could write a letter to my young self i'll be like this is weird
Yeah, man being in the wrestling space has been
Fantastic. It's a really tight circle to get into but once you get in it's like the comic circle
You get in to stand up, you know everybody you're trying to be polite and then you start meeting people
You can really hang with and like even if we'd go to a show, which is awful, we're sure gonna have a good hang
That's what you kind of start, you know, the circle starts tightening. Yeah, that doesn't mean anybody they're not they don't mean they're not funny
They're not good people
But like these dudes even without comedy we can hang kind of like the podcast here
Yeah, like we're doing the podcast because we like to hang
Like regardless of anything else
So you get this
It's kind of like the wrestling clique like if you're in you're in
But it's really hard
You got to get in our circle. You know what I mean? Like it's you got to get it though
Yeah, we you got to earn it. You're not just we're not taking everybody. You might be a good dude. We might work with you
We have no problems. We don't hate you, but you're not in the circle. Yeah, you're not in our circle. You can find your own circle
You know nwo had their own circle the clique they had their own circle at first
BSK was papa shango and undertaker and rakishi and yoko. Yeah, yoko. Oh, I didn't know about this
Was in there they were bsk the bone street killers because they would play dominoes. They play bones
So they were the bone street killers. So they started bsk. So it was taker
rakishi yoko
Papa shango
Spelled it wrong. Hold up a couple others
Bs
It's not even there we go look at that you got you got good one right there sabio vega hell yeah, yeah sabio
Yeah, all the good one boys. Are we just gonna skip over the fact brendan misspelled bsk and spelled bsw
I clicked it too
That that is a beetle juice monkey
Hey, look at that one. Uh blow it to the second line left right here next one this
To the left. Oh, yeah, i'm tripping. Oh, yeah
That's in the back of undertaker's bus. Look at that. Oh shit triple h briscoe
Sean michaels. That's my paul bearer. It's got hall the godlands stone coat
Look at that man razor remond imagine being in that bus at that time, dude. That's some shit the partying that they did
You're getting drunk as hell. Oh god. I mean there's a there's a little of you
You're like, I mean they can't have more fun than we did at don's house
I mean, that's real like we're having a good time. It's a good time
But you're like also like yeah, they they probably had a better time than us
I don't know what they did, but they did something that was probably better than us
But they're back there playing dominoes. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. Just having a fucking ball of a time. Oh, look at that one down
Below the main picture you got to the right to the right to the right to the right right
To the right down the main pitch
The main oh take your papa. Yeah that right to the left. Okay, right. Yeah, there we go. Gotcha. Look at this godfather and
Oh my god, dude. Oh man, imagine them dudes walking in your bar, bro. Shit
Excuse me. Uh, excuse me, sir. I didn't mean to get in your way
Like he says we just got into our second episode, uh
Where he made his debut as papa shango when he missed his cue on a pay-per-view. He's supposed to go out. It was uh,
hogan and
Was that survivor's hand that could be wrong on the second one?
hogan and um
sid
Sid yes, it justice said vicious whatever you want to call it. Psycho said
They just wanted to give him a push so they're like hey
They're gonna have their match and then you run out and interfere and it's gonna be dq
but that'll like make you as like the guy who interfered like
He did some small shit, but this is like
Big time. This is the the main event of a pay-per-view. Yeah, you get on there with hogan and he's back there ready to go. He's like
Y'all tell me when to run. They're in indianapolis where the colts play
So it's a long run dude, and he's like y'all just tell me when to go
And by the time they tell him when to go it's too late in the real-time match
So by the time he gets there the damn match is over like
He was supposed to interfere. He didn't get there in time
So see it had to kick out on his own and then they bumped that like they do a halt they have to
Change everything on the fly and then by the time he gets here. He still does stuff, but it's like wait
What are you doing here at the time? Everybody's like
What's he doing here after the match? You know what I mean? Like something's wrong here
and like nerd wrestling fans and I say that with love because
I'm not a nerd. I'm a nerd wrestling fan. Not just a smart one
Like I don't know any of the history as much as I need to and as much as everybody thinks but i'm a wrestling fan
but
Everybody who paid attention that went yeah, he misses mark
He should have been in there. They talked about now
And then I got a chance to sit down with him on our podcast
The second episode and we go month by month his whole career
So we're just in the second month of his career and he's making his debut on a pay-per-view on
with hogan and sid justin
and he's like I was like dude
Who talked to you first like when you went back who was like hey, man, you fucked up
Like who was the first guy?
Somebody looked at you and was like
It's all right, dude. We'll figure it out. But you fucked you man. He was like
Not one person ever talked to him about it my entire life
until fans
Oh shit, so they were like it worked it worked but it worked but also you
People don't realize that
People don't realize
They have live television two times a week live true not recorded. So whatever your favorite show is it's recorded
They have two live shows now nxt3 have three live shows they have to write for a week
It's live
So if you trip and fall and you're supposed to be the badass we have to adapt now
And then pivot everything we've had written
Of you're the badass you've tripped and fell
We have to scrap that throw in the trash and figure out how to get to where we're gonna go with you tripping now
That's like think about how hard so like people like criticize wrestling writers and like oh that was stupid
Like you don't know what they originally had
Now look one it could have been stupid. I'm not saying that but i'm saying you don't know what they
Hey, we had this plan and dude got hurt
Mm-hmm the snowball effect this was supposed to happen, but she got pregnant like yeah, it's just getting out of control
What oh what the fuck you laughing about? I like dom trying to use big words
I thought he's trying to get me to blow and I was like
Let's wait till the podcast is over bro. We're watching preseason
We don't even do a blow at two o'clock
Have you got it?
Sorry, I went long on wrestling
I think y'all opened the door and we had to go. Oh, no, I do currently three
Constant wrestling podcast and then I do all those are under the ad free shows umbrella shameless plug go to adfreeshows.com
Uh, we have our patreon there
And I do
Besides those I do random one-off
Uh q and a's with either a special guest we've never had on or some of our regular hosts
They do a monthly q and a and sometimes i'll host those I think uh
Around this whenever it drops, but i'll be doing live q and a with eric bischoff
Hell yeah, that was fantastic dude
um, he's super great to talk to every time I get to hang out with him i'm just like
Well one it's just so cool and he's just
And he's a smart dude like period like but not wrestling. I mean he is but a broader thing of
business just business in general
Like anything you want to talk about business you can like hey
Do you see so-and-so merged with so-and-so and he's like he's got like a whole page on it
In his head you're like my man knows what's going down. Yeah, they'll put you on game
So, of course, he's got his own podcast shameless plug 83 weeks, uh, which is check it out 83 weeks
Is how long you beat wwf?
in their prime when he
Was there with wcw and the nwo popped off and it changed wrestling forever. It changed wrestling forever
It's what a and w is trying to copy right now
They're trying to they're trying to take over do it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're the second biggest and they're trying to figure out how to
Uh conquer the beast and they got close a couple times, especially early on they're not now
Uh, but they're a viable number two and I think it's good for the business for sure everybody
I've known that's worked with
Aew or in some kind of capacity
Look, it's like comedy. I mean, it's another comedy club opening up. Yeah, we want more opportunities to work
Hell, yeah, so whatever you want to say. Hey, it might not be our a rooms and our b rooms. They're already taken
But for everybody else it's more opportunity to get out there and be seen
And then possibly get to those a and b rooms. Hey, I go headline over. I mean, you know ideas in comedy
true first person to headline he's not going to be a
Real comedy club like levity live in huntsville the start home in burma hamers amy's in nashville. They're not gonna be the first ones
No, no, you're gonna go
You're gonna commit
Somebody's gonna go. Can you headline you're gonna like yep, and you can't headline
But you're like, yeah again
Because that's my opportunity and I want to take the check and close the show out and tell everybody I headline a room
and that's gonna happen
And realistically afterwards you like yeah, I just winged it for about 15 20 minutes
And then you go somebody sees you there and go well if he's headlining he can headline my room
He can headline my brewery and then you start doing those and then it's like
Somebody sees you out somebody sees you at a club a club or b club and you feature for somebody and then they go
Hey, you need to come back. We got a one-nighter or next time you come back with a celebrity you do wednesday and then you
You feature for them thursday friday saturday. So it's like
I want all the rooms to open they can open
I've never been
Hey, we got too many. We got too many people doing open mics. No, we don't
Guess what? They're either successful or they're not. Yeah, and if they're successful means the commerce are going there and going
Hey, i'm having a good time here. I'm learning here. I'm actually processing my work
And then if it's not good whether it's politics whether it's the location and the venue
Where they didn't give it enough love and promotion. There's a thousand things on that side. Oh god. Yes, but just on the bare minimum
Somebody's opened up another open mic or hey this guy doesn't want the month show at his bar
I'm all for it. It's more work for the rest of us
More reps more times to be seen more times to build fan more times to work your material out
And more than Mary that's a huge thing to work your material like now that we are over a year and a half
You know still young in the game, but you got to start getting those 10 15 minute 20 minute sets
Yeah to work all your stuff out to know how it's going to go whenever you're uh
Doing your shit and the more opportunity you have to do that. Well get
starting to um, you know do more stuff around the huntsville scene locally
Um and getting them, you know, meet you guys and hang out with you guys
Like I think a lot I think huntsville is a great comedy scene. I have I think there's a ton of great comics
And then my my personal thing was talking to other people from outside of it
How is it? And i'm like, well, it seems good. It's definitely a good hang
Um, I hang with them. We do open mics. It's hard to tell with open mics. So that's why i'm starting to now
Start trying to work with as many people as I can
on
Quote-unquote real shows where it's a paid audience to come to see comedy
That's what I really mean. Not just an open mic or a quote-unquote showcase where it's really
five of us open micers getting together
but
It's like I i've seen all of you do open mics. I've seen all of you bomb
And this is me too. I've seen all of you smash. It doesn't mean anything in open a mic
That doesn't mean you're a good or a bad comic
Because open mics are not made to win. They're made to do my material
I'm gonna like me like I told you I don't write anything
so every open mic I do it at I want to try to spit out another tag or uh
Hey, just do one more line. Whatever comes in your head
Just do one more line to throw in on this and some of that ends up being your closer or whatever like
You know, you guys know open mic is there to start working out material
It is not to judge whether you're a good or a bad comic. It's to get a rep
I need to i've had this in my notebook or my on my notes app or wherever you keep notes in your head. I don't matter
Do it on stage
Then do it again and change something than the first time
Then do it again and change something again
Mm-hmm just because this tag didn't work at this open mic you can do it the next night and the tag work blow up
But you're going to get an overall sense of here's what kind of works
Here's what doesn't and then you should also for me because I don't write good
I just try to feed off of what's going on. I try to just toss shit out
Do one more line
That's where I ended last time. I ended last time and I went, okay
I got my analyze what I wanted to and then we moved on to the next bit
But now if I want to do it tonight
Let's do it. Let's get to that point. Let's try every line I tried
And then let me do one more line just whatever's on the top of my head
And more times than not for me the way I work
That stuff gets because you're getting out of your comfort zone. You're getting out of writing
You're like what what is this crowd? Even if it's a call back to something else that already
Popped off in your show
You can just feed off that and build into it and then you go. Oh now i've got some segues into this
You're so good at that too. Yeah, you're really good at that. Like everybody's not good at that including me
But you you you do that shit
So well also, I want to say that you're probably an accessory in a murder
because of an open mic
I've heard about this. Yeah
So so okay, i've seen that gentleman since i've seen did he have a gun in his waist that uh, he did he did
I don't want to i don't want to say his name though. We're not gonna say his name. Have y'all said his name
I've never we haven't talked about it yet. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, we're not gonna say let's call him tom tom. Look tom
Casio said a joke. He said you want to say what you said?
Or you want to leave it?
No, it's a crowd. It's a crowd work. Yeah, it's a crowd work joke. That was me trying to work
I know I want that. I think this crowd work joke will get over. I love and invite crowd work
Some comics don't like crowd work. I really like crowd work. I went to school for improv when I was in la
I want to do
I want to mess around with the crowd
A lot of people go I have this don't interrupt me. I'm going to get to the script and if you'll follow me
It'll be a damn good script
And i'm not hating on that. I can't write a script so I have to adapt
and work off of what are we doing here and
So one of my bits
the premise is because this starts
Like a lot of my stuff does just chilling and hanging with the boys
And then figuring out how to work it out later
Was hanging out with me and my guys. We always do stupid would you rather's or uh, dilemmas or
Name your hey, man
You can only keep three fast food french fries go and then we get in a debate about it. So
This started
How much money would it take for you to take the money
Are we allowed to be dirty here you could say
We were this is a pro hitler podcast you can say whatever you want
I wouldn't say you know, we were sitting there watching preseason football today and jay jay went
I wanted to be known that i'm staunch antli
Hit anti hitler and I am and I thought that was gonna come up again and then here you're like
And i'm like, you know what if jay jay said I want to be
Really really like definitively on the side of anti hitler
I want to say that clearly into the that's a controversial take on this
Three out of four, you know, who knows is right? Oh
Oh my jake i'd like to switch seats with you, sir
He was misunderstood as well
Yeah
It's a good man right there
The the the premise on my set for this particular story was
How much money would it take for you to trade in for the perfect dick?
Think about your perfect dick
So i'm going to give you your perfect dick
or one million dollars
because
You can ask that question a hundred times to the dude in the front row and 100 times. It'll probably be different
He won't want to answer it. He's going to answer it bravely. He's going to take the dick immediately
He's going to take a million dollars immediately his wife's going to come in and say take the million dollar like
Take the dick take the meat like there's a thousand ways. I think that's the fun part of it. Yeah, and so
To do that though, you have to start
Doing that at shows at some point no matter what level and
Seeing what people are going to start saying so you can start
Getting into that mindset and while i'm negotiating with tom. Yeah
He said he had a perfect dick
He said he had a perfect dick. Yeah, I don't need I already have a perfect dick. He didn't want the money and I said, okay
He said I have a perfect dick and I said two million
Are the perfect dick and he took the dick and so now we're going through it and now
I see his um
Lady friend. I don't know what their relationship was. There's a lady at the table with him and she slyly goes
When he what a guy she did that he's like I have the perfect dick and she's like
And then
As we negotiate I go I don't want to bring your girl in and blah blah. I think it's having a fun time
Not I wasn't aggressive to him. No, not at all. I just posed a question and now we're riffing and then a lady at the bar says
Hey, you girls take the perfect dick the black lady at the park. You need it
She's already said he don't have the perfect here something like that
Yes, she said she said he ain't got the perfect. Yeah
And I'm like
This is a fun time to end like because I was like this is a fun show like I finally because the first time
Part of my said I did not get laughed and then this got laughed thankfully the for the lady on the bar
And then afterwards I was still down there and you guys went outside and saw some chaos
Dude, so we go outside and talking to Charlie. He just comes across the street. He stops in the middle of the street and
Throws his phone as the guy was just talking to tom tom which we didn't know
Till later was signed up to be a comic. Yeah night
I didn't know that I thought he was I thought the reason he was mad because he went up and didn't get any laughs
But then you guys were like, no, he didn't go up. No, I never saw him go up
So he didn't go up. So I'm like, why did you do that?
He didn't go up so he didn't go up so I'm like why did he just smash his phone?
It had to be because his girl said she did he didn't have a perfect dick
Cut to last week
You know cut this a month later. I come up. He's like, hey, can I get a lighter?
He has a cigarette and I see like dirt in his fingernails, right?
And like deep down in there
So this is what I see when you have when you have dirt deep down in that means you haven't been home in a while
You haven't showered at all. So this immediately what I thought you haven't been home in a while you haven't and then he goes up that night
And he says I had to kill somebody in self-defense last week. He did
What are we talking about he killed his girl she wasn't with him. Hey, she's been there every time with him
All right. I saw
He killed her I saw him
At an open mic since that night. Uh-huh, and I was worried because I'd heard all y'all stories
I was worried when I saw him. I'm like
He's gonna come up to me and like kill me
Or like be ready to fight. You know what I mean?
and he never said well like so now like I don't know if he noticed like he realizes it was me or
He didn't give a shit. I don't know the case like but he never mentioned it to me but that night
We're all hanging out after the mic
And by the way, he did a pretty damn good job. I was like, you know, that's pretty good. Yeah
I was like damn I don't there was some I want to google to see if it was already on the internet
But I was like, they told me he did so
Who Jake he said he says he says
Because I was like, I'm like, that's some good she's like reddit
Yeah
What's this?
Mike I don't care
My point was I just still wanted to see well
I mean he was still funny dude regardless. I was like I was funny and then we're hanging out afterwards
And I we're like Bob and Bob. Yeah, you're going to the show
Yeah, we got a show in trustful. I'd like for you to come work. That's good. I mean I'll have your number
Tom goes
killed a man last week
And we're like, what's that?
He's like, yeah, man self-defense. I stabbed him you ever been stabbed
And we're like now we uh
Now i've never been stabbed no and he's like i've been stabbed
Brandon's like hey man, will you pass that
Before you start that story, will you go ahead and hand that over here?
Because it sounds like it's gonna be a long story, you know
I was like good call dude
Don't get stuck in this story
Yeah, once you talk about killing the man, i'm not asking you to go ahead and pass it. You know what I mean?
You can achieve it as long as you want after that
Brandon's like
That's a long story guys. I was like bet that's a good call. He actually stabbed and killed his girlfriend
After she transitioned she chose the perfect
What'd he say Brandon and he was talking about how this dude tried to stab him. Yeah, basically he did stab him
And he was like dude when you get stabbed, it's like it's life changing. Yeah, it's not the same. It feels bad
I've never been stabbed, but I promise you this is gonna be life changing the first time
Tom I just remember you guys talking about dude. I knew him for half my whole life like we we went to school together
Dude he seen me when I played basketball he was there with me
Was this when we went when we went? No, i'm talking about back in like middle school
I'm talking about middle school. JJ he knows this guy
Half my whole life
I've never heard anyone say the phrase half my whole life
Half of it. Brandon you have some of the most craziest phrases that i'm like
I've never heard a human say those words in that order before. This just Brandon knows multiple murderers
Yeah
Because the other dude killed that dude in the Russian roulette and then tried to hang out with me and after he told that knife story
He's like so you wanna hang out with him?
Okay, so I had a friend
Who uh my my mom told me in third or fourth grade she's like you can't hang out with him no more because he always had
Butterfly knives and he would do tricks
The school downer too
He always had butterflawn
Union flags everywhere and all that shit
Oh, what's a union flag like the sylviots the soviet?
ussr hammer and sickle
Yeah, man sylvia
I thought the sylviots was who attacked tweety bird
Didn't know blocked in the sylvia
Yeah, the cold war like back in the cold war days
So you didn't know anybody that killed somebody in world war two soviet
The soviet that's just what you're talking about
He was a fan of it like he had the flags and shit
Yeah, and he uh did what he do call of duty
He always played that and then one day my mom thought he can't have him no more. That's okay
One day I saw him on the news and uh
He did russian roulette with this guy and then shot and killed him and said it was an accident
So they let him out and uh, then after that he was like
This is real this is real this is real he roams the streets
Yeah, like I said, yeah, he's a good dude. I don't want to because he can he watch this?
Do you know if he watches this? Yeah, he can he's like close. Hey, man. I hate you got hemmed up like that
Yeah, man
The government's against us, you know
I thought he was like one of the nicest people until he did that man
Because he was like so kind he murdered a guy. Yeah, and then I was like, I'm gonna think about this a little bit
I can't say I was is he a sylvia or not? No, he was uh, he had blonde hair. He always he supported it though
He had blonde hair and he looked like johnny carson a little bit if he was young
Yeah, you know johnny carson. Yeah, I know johnny carson. I know johnny carson
He looked like johnny carson when he was young. No, I'm saying when he was young. Oh like young young
Yeah, he was like I have to see what happened. Have you all checked the sat test yet? The iq desk?
Yes, we did. Yes, we did. I'm scared that Brandon got higher than me. Wait, have you all revealed it yet?
No, on the live show. 31st. The 31st? 31st of august
That's shenanigans. Yeah, we're gonna reveal it. It's gonna be none of us know only person who knows everybody scores kim
And then kim's been treating us a mighty different. Okay
And then kim's been treating us a mighty different. Okay, then treat me the same
Smoking like a true sylvia
Oh my god, soviet, right? Soviet. Soviet. Yes
I've been saying it wrong my whole life. You have
At least half your whole life
Half my whole life
Hell yeah man
Oh my god
Half my whole life
All right
I'm overstimulated. Brandon's also the first person on stage i've ever seen
I'm in a domestic
He said i'm an abusive relationship y'all fuck with those
And the girl's like
No we don't
No we do not. He got a woo one time
Yeah one dude said woo i'm like oh shit you serious?
Oh no
Y'all fuck with me
Y'all fuck with that
Well before he was like y'all fuck a card y'all fuck with that
No
Fuck with that
No
I fuck with abusive relationships
That is closer to fucking a car
I'll be honest with you
I'm closer to that than having sex with a vehicle
Oh yeah to clarify
I'm talking about the car and I know people man
My vehicle. Hope y'all know that
Oh you're talking about the abusive relationship
Yeah yeah abusive relationship
No no i'm talking about the cars
I'm just making sure
All right so this ghostly Muhammad Ali
Means we're at 50 minutes
I heard you do a really good impression
We're at 50 minutes
50 minutes
Y'all didn't even get to your research
Can we keep going?
Hell yeah
He'll walk off
Bring that back at
420
Okay 420 what time is it?
Let's see what time it is
What time is it?
It is 319
So much longer
What time is it?
4
4 is a good number
How about 4?
It's like getting a ham slaw
I want time to eat
Yeah we gotta have time to eat
Yeah everybody that comes here eats
So good dude
I can't wait
All right let's go to 4
Okay
Go get into your research
I want to know I heard you do a very good impression
Of Matt Foley
Can we get a little bit of
Well sure
One you should know that was
One you should know I broke something over here
Don't worry about that
And then two
That was my comedy idol was Chris Farley
Love it
So that was Saturday Night Live
I didn't want to do stand up I wanted to do sketch and improv
I saw them do a sketch
And that's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life
I just don't know why they're getting paid
To do that on television
But I'd really like to do that instead of
Hanging vinyl signing with my dad
You know what I mean
That looked very appetizing to me
And so
That's what I would
I watched Saturday Night Live then
Religiously
Different than it is now of course
But Chris Farley
Was a guy where I thought
Man that is
I mean even without me trying to do
Chris Farley as soon as he came out
All my high school friends were going
You're Chris Farley
It was just like that
The big guy you're loud
You're funny you got lumped in
The same thing which I was fine with
I was like yeah he's fucking hilarious
And then of course Matt Foley the motivational
Speaker so
I did that
Have you done that? Yeah I used to do that
Impression all the time
I actually did that
Impression for
What's your name? She was on Saturday Night Live
Bond hair, real ditzy
Not Molly
Shannon
Christina Wigg
Way before that
From 75
Negative Nancy
What's wrong?
You said Kate McKicken
Kate McKicken
She is funny
Look up female
Saturday Night Live
Was it 1975?
It could have been a reunion type shit
I hope you die
In a fire
Like a hot one
A hot fire
SNL
Oh he's typing Bond
Well you burned down something
Huh?
Oh right there, Victoria Jackson
Oh yeah
Victoria Jackson
There we go
What year? 90s?
Not the 70s you asshole
She was great on Saturday Night Live
She was really good friends
They actually made me do
My impression for her
I was emceeing
Her show at the start home in Birmingham
And friends came back
And radio people and the owner
And stuff
And they were like hey he, Casio
Does a great impression of
Matt Foley, motivational speaker
Who she is
In, she's in
Segments with him doing that
So like that's the time she was there
She's got her two daughters
There at the time
I'm gonna be
Wrong but let's just say pre-teenish
At the time, old enough to know
Chris Farley
Go, yeah
She's sitting on the couch, go down
Wait, go back, just go down
Three, alright, go down three
Tell them when to stop, to the right
Alright, right here?
There you go, she's sitting there
Steven Seagal
Farley, you know
That's her time, is that
That whole time, anyway
I don't wanna do it, I don't
This is a lot of pressure
She worked, that's one of her friends
You know what I mean, like
That's a weird pressure to do an impression
Of somebody who's passed away too soon
That they were super close and did all this
Magic together
And everybody's like do it, do it
And she was like yeah, you know, she's in a tough spot
She's like yeah, do it
So then I'm like, my name is Matt Foley
Motivational speaker
I live in a van
Down by the river
And so I'm doing the whole thing
Pulling the pants up
El Nino
I'm doing the whole Spanish version
Of everything
Her daughters start crying
One girl goes
I miss Chris
And starts crying
So then it's like
She goes to console them
And there's seven of us in the room going
Probably I'm going to walk outside
I want to go out here
Yeah, let's go out here
Let's go out here for a second
That was when I was like
I probably shouldn't do that
Around friends is fine
But let's don't ever do it for somebody
I'm sure like if I did it
For David Spade, he's like
You're not even close, you know what I mean
But just for that time and for a kid to do that
It's like oh my god
I've made Victoria Jackson's
Daughter cry
And then I had to do
She came to
At the time stand up live and now
I love to do live in Huntsville
And they called me to open up for her
And I was like yeah
I'm down with that
And so I meet her
I'm like hey you probably don't remember it
It's been like ten years at least or whatever
And I was like my name is Casio
And I opened up for you in Birmingham
And she was like yeah
I remember going to Birmingham
And I was like
I did an impression of
They made me do an impression of Matt Foley
I made sure they were like they made me
They made me do an impression of Matt Foley
And your daughter started crying
Like I told her and she was like
I do remember that
That was not a good night
She was like you did great on the show
And everything and I was like yeah
I didn't talk to you much after that
So can I get a picture?
No I'm not going to be the guy
I made your daughter cry I don't want a picture with you
So I can be like hey I met her daughter crying tonight doing Matt Foley
Yeah so that was my jam man
Chris Farley was my jam
I love Chris Farley
So when I moved to LA
Started going to the Groundlings
My goal was not stand up
My goal was MADtv or Saturday Night Live
And what year did you go?
I went to Los Angeles in 2003
2003?
Hell yeah
Got to sit in on MADtv
I had met before that through radio
And stuff Frank Caliendo
The king of impressions
He was on MADtv at that time
He invited me I got to sit in the stands
And watch and record
And even watching that
I was like yeah this is
You just see somewhere you're like this is where I need to be
Right here
And then now I'm here
But
It's the same
It's pretty much
It's the same
I just saw it and it confirmed
I'm out here for the right reasons
That's what I want to do
And then I did
Some open mics in Birmingham
I had met some comics
And they were like you should go do stand up
And did some open mics
Over at the start on that's where I started
For about a year probably
And then I moved to Los Angeles
Didn't do any stand up I was doing just sketch
And improv and focusing on that
Did some sketch shows and sketch
You know they're booking this sketch show
So I'd go do that or a contest where
Bring your best sketch or whatever the case
May be and then go into class at night
And then
I was on the
Tonight show with Jay Leno
And at the time
The guys who
Booked all the comics
For tonight show
They booked
Last Comic Standing
Because it was NBC
So they were like y'all know all the comics
We'll do it American Idol style
We'll get some people off the street
Mix that in with real comics
That just don't have any
Not getting enough love
If you get in the comedy business
You'll be like if you spend time on the road
There's road comics that are funnier than anybody
You've ever heard of and work
You'll be on TV weekends a year
And you'll be like why do y'all not know about
These guys because they're the funniest people on the planet
Y'all are going to see
Celebrity acts because they have a name
And they might be entertaining
But they're not, I could show you the guy
Next week where we're giving away free tickets to
That literally will have you like
Pissing your pants and crying
The Dale Jones and the Sean Jones
Or two, like just there's some people
Out there where you go, they're just a
Road dog and they're
They'll beat any special you've ever seen
Like they're just funny people
And so they
Were booking those people like
Hey these dudes have been on the road not getting
Their due, the courses before
Social media so they weren't like you can make your own brand
It's a comic
You're just going to, whoever the clothes are
Headlining, that's who they're headlining and that's who's famous
You know what I mean?
And so they booked some of those, some people
Off the street and then they were like hey
You're a funny dude
You're doing segments for us
Come try out for Last Comic Standing
And I was like I don't do stand up
Like y'all work with me
I do man on the street stuff
I do segments, I do sketches
And they were like hey we just need
We need bodies like you can say
You were on stand up live, I mean you say
We were on Last Comic Standing
And so I was like okay
When's the trial? And they were like
We're going to start in three months
And so I was like I'm not camping on the
Fucking street
And they were like no no you just walk in
I'm like alright I'm in
And so then I, for three months
Or whatever it was
Three or four months
I had to figure out how to get all my sketches
That I wrote and improv shit
And turn that
Into a five minute
Comedy set
And so I started doing
Any mic I could get
Los Angeles
Doing five minutes
Just to literally try
How am I going to turn what I'm doing into stand up
Because it's not the same, people think it's the same
No that's totally different
When I was at the Groundlings they would have the Sunday Company
Which is right before you were in the main company
And when I was there the Sunday Company
Was people like Kristen Wiig
And Will Forte and some other people like that
Holy shit
And they would bring in a guest
Like every now and then
Like just a funny person
A stand up, another improv person
You don't know who it is
But they would come and try to just sit in and be a guest that night
And you would see so many
Stand up comics
They either got it or they didn't
If you come into improv comedy
And try to get to an ending
You know I got a joke
I know which ending I'm going towards
I'm driving right towards there
Improv is not like that
Because you could say something that throws the whole
Thing off where I thought I was going
And like I saw Louis CK there one night
And he's about
Four or five sketches in
And he's like I'm out
Like in a fun way
Because you would see his stand up brain
They would start a scene at the beach
And he starts calculating
And saying some lines
But you can go, he sees this ending
This finish line
And they would go, oh yeah but we gotta walk home
And he'd go
Wait, I've already got us mapped out
I'm already trying to set you up for this finish line
Which is what a stand up does
Is I'm gonna get us there together
And improv with so many people involved
You never know where they're gonna go
And so he would set everything up
They would go left
When he thought they were gonna go right
And then it's like
I don't know where we're going
I already had this finish line mapped out
And he'd be like I got nothing
Yeah, that would be so hard
He stopped doing it
And everybody's like laughing and loving him
It wasn't like he was mad
He was just like, this is wild
You know what I mean, like I'm not made for this
And he's not, that's why he's a goat where he's at
Because he's a stand up comic
He knows how to do stand up comedy
At it's best
And so to think about improv
That's two different demons
It's why so many stand up comedies
Go don't talk about that
I know where we're going
Some people like it
Some people don't
It's changed especially in social media times
Now you can just throw crowd work
Crowd work specials
Like stand ups now
We're doing like saying they do an hour
They'll do 45 minutes of material
And then the last 15 minutes is straight crowd work
So they can get the clips
Which I understand because you don't want to burn your material
Or it's not even complete yet
To where you want it
Speaking of burning stuff
Do you burn down your grandma's house?
It was the wrong grandmother's house
It was not my
Oh wait, wait, wait
Time out
There's two different stories I got myself
I did burn my grandmother's house down
And I went swimming in another wrong grandmother's swimming pool
That is legendary from the radio
Grandmother, yes
On about my 13th birthday
12th, 13th, somewhere around there
My grandparents lived on the river in Asheville, Alabama
And they had this double wide trailer on the river
And it couldn't get any better
You know what I mean?
And we had our birthday
My birthday is July 6th
So I get lumped in the fourth year of the live party
And so we all hung out
Shot fireworks
At the end of the night
They're telling me to go clean up the fireworks
I'm lazy and fat
I'm a little gear
I just go out and grab what I can see
But I throw all these stuff in the bag
Trash bag, big black hefty bag
Put that in a rubber trash can
Put that rubber trash can
Up against the vinyl siding double wide
We left for the night
And of course stuff was still hot in there
And it stayed hot
And then it melts through plastic garbage bag
It's getting fueled by plastic rubber trash bag
Now it's on vinyl siding
And at about 3am
My grandparents woke up to their trailer on fire
And so yeah, that burnt down
That was not good
They survived thankfully
But I didn't know
I knew their house burned as a kid
I didn't find out that it was my responsibility
Until I was like 23
Like we were hanging out her house
Yeah, we were hanging out her new house
My grandfather passed away this time
But she's got a new house
She moved closer to town
Where we were in Gadsden
Got a pool so everybody would still visit
She knew that
And we were just sitting there one time
And somebody said something about throwing an ashtray out in a trash can
Or something
They were like yeah, you're going to burn the house down
They don't call me Casio
But Matt, they were like
What are you talking about?
And it opened up this whole
Trouble window for me
Of I burnt my grandparents' house down
I didn't know until I was 23
And so my whole family knew it
And just didn't tell me
Because I was too young
And they didn't want to tell me
You burnt your grandparents?
At 23 you're like
Man, I got a lot to deal with
I apologize
I should have brought snacks today grandma
I should be pinching in every time I come over here
I burnt your house down
I should be pinching in
Man, that sounds like a great
Cover story for insurance fraud
I like that
It's fireworks
By our teenage grandson
Because you know the
Insurance people aren't smart enough to figure out
Chemistry and shit
Rubber, yeah that burns, right?
Oil, that's good, it's all good, right?
And I think vinyl siding
Is a common theme in your life, man
I'm white trash
Maybe I'm a white trash superstar
My friend, there's a lot of vinyl
Vinyl siding in linoleum
Yeah, dad did vinyl in gutters
And I worked with him
He was a firefighter and
He had to retire early because he
What do you call it?
Smoke weed
And he had to
Retire early from there and so he started
His own construction business, vinyl siding
In gutters, I worked with him
For a few summers in high school
Then I worked with my uncles
Who owned a tile place
Doing tile
And in that six year stretch I was like
Fuck manual labor
I would like to
Never do this ever again
So yeah, that's why I was like, I gotta figure out
How to make this entertaining stuff
Real
That was my whole deal
I literally was like
I'm just not built for it guys
There's people that do this job and more power to them
I'm just not, I can't do it
I mean I could do it if that was my last deal
But I'm saying like I did it
And was like, what can I do
I won't make as much money
But what if I'm just funny, can I figure out how to do that?
I don't make as much money as you
But I
I don't lay tile
Which for me sucks dick
It's the worst
Manual labor is the worst
You see how black I'm getting right now
Doing that shit
That is the worst part
The worst part
The worst part is the sun tan
So he put on there that you burned down the house
And what you got
So you got beaten up by a monkey
Holy fuck
Your response is way better than this
I don't suck with monkeys
I don't either sir
That's a great call
That's a good rule to have
JJ's like I'm not cosigning on camera
He said it
We can agree with it
That's going to be a clip for sure
Yeah it is
JJ going
Man that was actually a radio
When I started with Rick and Bubba
And I was like, I'm going to be a radio
When I started with Rick and Bubba
And radio, somebody called and said
Hey guys I don't know if y'all know about it
But at the Coleman
Country Club or golf course
I think it was Coleman, somewhere around there
Hayden maybe, I don't know it's a golf course
But they were like
This guy that has a house
Where his backyard is up against the golf course
He has a monkey
And we're like what kind of monkey
And he's like I don't know
One of those little tiny monkeys and he wears a diaper
And he goes
It's kind of fun but it's kind of not
If your ball goes too close to the yard
The monkey will run out
And hop the fence and grab the ball
And take it back to the house
Because everybody knows this is the hole
You got to watch it to the right
There's the monkey house and if you hit it over there
You're going to lose your golf ball
So we started looking at it and we're like oh that sounds funny
And we're like let's go check it out
So we go to the golf course
And we find the guy
Who has a house and we start
We're like hey man we heard you got a monkey here
And it steals golf balls
Yeah one of those
Yeah that's kind of what he looked like except bigger
Yeah that's a baby
This was an adult that he didn't want the
Monkey to shit in his house
So he put a diaper on him
That's a baby who didn't know better
This dude was just a lazy monkey
So he's got a monkey
And he's like oh yeah I'll bring it out
So he brings the monkey out
And he's texting with it
And you know at that point
I wasn't scared of monkeys
Especially one in a diaper
You're like this thing is kind of cute
You know what I mean? Look at it
I mean it's kind of cute at the time
And he would like run up on you
And like climb on you and we're like oh this is kind of cool
Especially we're like this is making great radio
Like great audio
And he climbed
The monkey climbed on me and he's like
Climbing around and then he's like doing the
I had hair back then believe it or not
And he starts like doing the
Monkey thing where they're looking through your hair
And stuff and I'm like this is hilarious
And then
He like
Took a little nibble of my ear
He's like
And I was like hey man your monkey
Just kind of like nibble on my ear
That's pretty funny and he's like yeah
He does that sometimes and I'm like
Yeah I'd like that for not to happen
Ever again and he was like
Well he just does it sometimes
Just tell him not to do it
Oh okay
Don't bite my ear that should be the end of it
And so he's like on my shoulder
And he's like he swung over
And he started biting this one and then it's like
Getting a little harder and I'm like
Hey man I'd like your monkey to not bite
My ear anymore how do we make that happen?
Can you get him off of my shoulder?
He's like ah he just kind of does
What he wants man
And you're like
He needs to not want to bite my ear
Because I guess just cover
Your ears man and I'm like
Okay dude
And so now the monkey is like
Getting in on it and I'm like
Alright bud this is funny
So I cover my ears and I'm like hey
This is great and
The monkey is literally like
Trying to pull my fingers off of my ear
He's like mad
That I've covered my ear and I'm like
This is kind of funny that's great
Everybody's laughing we're having a good time at that point
And then
The monkey grabs the front of my shirt
Like this with one hand
Puts his feet here so he's like
Hanging in front of me like right here
He's got a hold of my shirt
And he's like hanging
And he's just staring at me and I'm like
Hey man
I think you should come get your monkey probably
Like this is
Not fun anymore
And I like close my eyes
And I'm like hey man
Get your monkey off of me
And the monkey fucking pimp slaps me
Oh damn
And I was like bam I was like what?
Did I just get slapped?
I should probably kill the monkey right now
You know?
And he was like he slapped me
He's looking like that
Oh my god
Thanks for the flashbacks dude
Oh fuck
The one on the right he's looking dead at me
And slapped me multiple times
And so I go hey dude
Not funny anymore
And I do like this
Because the monkey literally has my collar
Like he's like robbing me for money
You know what I mean?
Like if this was a human you'd be like I'm in a bad spot
But he's this big
And you're like I still think I'm in a bad spot
And so I push
Him off of me and he
In one movement when I push
He just climbs up on my
So now he's on my arm
I'm like hey dude come get your monkey
Off of me
I really want the monkey
I don't know how to politely say
I need the monkey off of me right now
And they're all laughing
Oh they're laughing
I don't make money
So I'm like then I start shaking like this
And I'm like trying to push him off my arm
And I don't know if you know about monkeys
But they don't fall easily
They're made to not fall from things
And I push him and now he's hanging
From my arm
And as he's hanging I start swinging
I'm like hey man get the damn monkey off my arm
It's not funny anymore
Like I need the monkey off of me
And as I'm doing this
Monkey rears back
And bites my elbow as hard as he can
Full attack Mike
And I'm like what
And I'm like I just like sling him
And he goes down
And he like runs away and like making the noise
And then he like circles around
And he starts coming to me
And I'm like hey man
He just bit me if the monkey comes over here
I'm punting it across the golf course
I need you to know it's not going to end good
For the monkey because I was gentle that time
And I'm not going to be gentle
And so he starts coming and he's like
Getting in front of him
And the monkey goes around a little bit
And then the owner I see like the
You know when the owner of any wild animal
Figures out oh I'm not in charge anymore
He goes
I see the dude go
Build a human wall
Around Casio and you're like
Man this just got serious
So there's like seven
Full grown dudes
Standing in a circle around me because
The monkey now wants to get back to me
Oh you fucking around
They have to like
Escort so I was like
Man we're driving home
Like this is bullshit
I'm bleeding I got my wrapped up
In a bandage and I was like alright
I need to think of it as a performer
I was young on the radio
And I was like this story
Is going to be epic
I think listening at home everybody
Realized how epic it was
I just needed
Attack it as a performer and be like
That was fun let your emotions
Go it's going to be fun
We get back to Birmingham
I get to my desk at the radio
Station
I have ten voice mails
And they are progressively worse
Hey man I'm a
Veterinarian you don't need to be around that monkey
Hey man I just heard
You got bit by a monkey not cool
Hello Mr.
Mitchell this is the CDC
Center for Disease Control in
Atlanta we have been informed by
Multiple people that you have been bitten by a monkey
You and the monkey need to go
To your nearest doctor immediately
So I called them back
And they are like
I told them the story thinking they are going to laugh
And they are like there is nothing humorous
About that
You need to go to a doctor today
And I'm like
For what they are like a thousand
Different reasons you need to go
You have been bitten by a monkey bro
This is not good for you
And then they are like you need to find
The monkey and we are like we know where the monkey
Lives he is actually on
The golf course he is set up pretty nice
And they are like you need
To get the monkey and the monkey needs
To go in and get tested
For rabies which
If you know anything about that
Means they murder the pet
The pet gets his head chopped off
And so word
Now gets around
To this guy we are having to call this
Guy back he is like
The monkey ran after
Y'all left he is claiming
It did
But he doesn't want everybody showing up
Killing his pet monkey
He is like the monkey escaped
So then it is like a hunt
In Birmingham Alabama
Or Coleman and Hayden
Whatever this was
There is an escaped monkey
Could be rabid
Bro the monkey is at the house
Monkey is at me
Maw's house you know what I mean
What are we doing
Oh so bad
Could you imagine if you got on the
Radio and you are like
Guys fuck the monkey house
By the golf course in Coleman Alabama
And the news are like
Local radio host goes on
Racist tyrant
And they are like find that fucking monkey
He bit me
All this shit
Sounds real dog whistly
Dog whistly
Yeah
Was that post a tickle me
Elmo incident or what
You don't know about that when that
Chimpanzee the chimpanzee incident
He ripped that lady's face off
He ripped her face off
Here is the deal
This is a dog whistle
This is actual animal kingdom
We shouldn't have
Any human interaction with monkeys
I agree
One they have strength
Beyond anything we can comprehend
It's real bad guys
We shouldn't have any wild animals
We shouldn't have any lizards
We shouldn't have snakes
Why the fuck do you even want
A snake or a lizard
That's some kink shit
This motherfucker grabs them
I'm pro lizard
Except Kamala Harris
Speaking of lizard
I'm not saying we smash
Chameleons on the sidewalk
I'm just saying we should
Own iguanas
Dude iguanas fuck people up
I know that's what I said
Not me some bitch
Fuck a bitch
I'm never gonna take my iguana
Do you think about Steve Irwin
That was his whole career
He's dead
But stingray
He's the best wild animal
He's the best wild animal guy we got
And he's dead
Everybody has an off day
Even Michael Jordan had a
I have a 100% success rate of not getting attacked by bears
You know why?
I've never been to where bears are
I went to Smokey's once and I camped
I was a kid and overnight
They were like hide your trash
So we're in this camper where we
Took the trash in
Overnight they're like shaking our camper
Trying to get in
And I was like hey man
This is not a fun trip anymore dude
I don't want to survive
I can survive at my house
They're not getting through a locked door
They can break into my camper
So I'm never coming back to the Smokey's again
You see how that works
I don't want any bears near me
That sounds like a white trash fairy tale
That's like the wolf going to the pig town
If you get killed in Gatlinburg
You're going straight to heaven
That is the exact way
My man was doing
What a normal white guy does
He's in Gatlinburg
In the Smokey's trying to be one with nature
My man gets a pass
He's in
So you don't fuck with Tiger King then?
He's got his shirt on
I mean I watch it
This is made from that zoo in Oklahoma
That's cool man
I love Tiger King
I mean he's lunatic
But free him
He's a pretty right individual
Because of that bitch Carole Baskin
I'm not saying she's any better
My man was a bad dude
Yeah
I mean it's the greatest reality show
We've ever had
I couldn't believe it was real
And it hit
At the perfect time in COVID
When all we could do was watch TV
Oh my gosh man
This is a true story
I watched the Tiger King documentary
And I
COVID just happened
In high school
And so we didn't go back to school
This came out
I was sleeping on an air mattress in my room at the time
And I got a big ass
Two liter sprite
And dumped half of it out
And then poured a whole bottle of Ed Hardy wine
Into it
And I drank it while watching this and I pissed everywhere
What?
I don't even understand what happened
I thought podcasts were about sharing experiences
Thank you for sharing
Is this not a judgment free zone?
Where did you get Ed Hardy wine?
It was in the fridge
Well I mean
How did it get into your fridge?
Who sells Ed Hardy wine?
Ross, Dress for Less
I got you
I got a golf
A polo for $20
Some dark chocolate
And some Ed Hardy wine
I got it
It had one of those arms like rectangular stickers
On it
It said $8.99
Somebody bought it
As a Christmas gift for my grandma
And she don't drink
So it had been in there for like four years
It was a nice aged red
I don't know why you guys are fucking hating on me
But you poured that with what?
Sprite
I didn't know what I was doing
And then I just pissed everywhere
But air mattress is a good bed to piss on
Did you throw it away or wash it?
That's an easy clean
Hose?
Water, yeah
Outside, outdoor
Anybody else know you pissed?
No, my ex girlfriend knew
She wasn't there
But she was the reason I had a fucking air mattress in the first place
She gave me bed bugs, had to throw away my mattress
Holy shit
The classy lady
Most dudes dating are like
I don't want herpes
I don't want gonorrhea or syphilis
And I'm like
My bitch gave me bed bugs
That's a trashy girl right there
I'd rather her give me a real
SCD than bed bugs
For sure
SCD I can deal with
Bed bugs I gotta get a new mattress
You've compromised my life
I can shave
I can manscape and get rid of some crap
I don't want to get a new mattress
I got my mattress like I like it
Start waking up with bites
It's a rude awakening
Bed bugs
That girl gave me bed bugs
How long did you have bed bugs?
Have bed bugs?
Not long, you know pretty soon
After you get them
You look up a YouTube video
Do I have bed bugs?
Check the lining in the middle of the mattress
I lifted it up, just hundreds of them
Bug bomb
My room
And it's COVID
What are you going to do for 12 hours
Except stand outside and fucking
Drive around
That's it
Have you seen the new videos
Where you're supposed to get the
You keep the
Sheet on the bed
And you get the iron
Have you seen this?
Keep the sheet on the bed
You go to a hotel or a fanny bed you want to check
Keep the sheets on it
And then iron the corner of the bed
Because
Bed bugs are attracted to heat
That's why they come up when you're sleeping
They come up and bite you because your body heat is made hot
So if you iron
Iron iron iron for like 10 minutes
5 minutes, I don't know what it is
Take the bed sheet off
You'll see them on the top of the mattress because they've came
So you can
See if you have bed bugs, just by ironing the bed
It's
Fascinating and you'll never want to
Stay in any hotel ever again
Dude yeah, that's my biggest fear
When I go out and stay in them. Bed bugs?
Yeah, because I don't want to bring that shit back dude
Because you have to do too much
You have to do way too much to get rid of bed bugs
My back's never been the same
It's never been the same
Alright Casio
This is the end of the podcast
No way! Yes
What time is it?
We could go all day with you
This is going to be our first also all guest podcast
Because we won't be shooting an intro with this
It'll just be you
Was that good or bad? That's great
Thank you so much for this
And anything you got right here in this camera
You're going to say anything you got come up
This will be out next Monday
Anything you want them to follow
When is this out?
Next Monday
What's the date?
August the 18th
Okay coming up I got
28th and
29th I believe
Somewhere in that
Look at my social media
I'll be out with Uncle Lazer
I'll be on the tour, we'll be in St. Louis
And we'll be out in Indianapolis
We've got the finals of the X5
Showcase coming up
Podcast every
Wednesday at noon for
X5
And all the wrestling stuff is at
adfreeshows.com and I'll take you to our Patreon
And get you the Godfather
Pod and our two mail bags and any
other one-offs I
do
That's about it man
For right now
Just trying to live my best life
I don't have a manual labor job and that's really
my only going life
Do everything I can
Comedy
I'm ordained to do weddings
I DJ'd at nightclubs for a while
Licensed realtor
I literally
Will do anything but a realtor
Can you please do
Brandon's wedding? Can we
What is that?
We're planning it out
It should be soon
I gotta get some money first
As soon as he meets a girl
I just gotta get
That money
Do you know your budget for your
Minister yet?
How much is the minister?
I didn't know
You can get a real one if you go to church
You can get that one or you can pay me
How much?
What's the ballpark?
We'll figure it out
Might cost you that Aspen Church shirt
We'll have a spelling bee
And it's more money every word you
get wrong
We'll start with BSK
Thank you man
You would be too
Yeah I would be
We didn't even get to any of this
I did work for
Little Caesars. That was my first job
In Los Angeles too
I worked in Gadsden when I was in high school
And then I was like when I moved to Los Angeles
What can I do?
I was like you know what I just need money coming in
So I was like the oldest dude at Little
Caesars. I was only 23
But you know they're in high school and they're like
Look at this old dude
What are you doing with your life working at Little
Caesars at 23?
I'm feeling comedy now
Look at this old
Buddy you're telling me
I'll see you all the next open mic
Oh man
We missed some good stories
We missed some good ones though
What if I come back and hang again?
Can you come back and hang again?
Johnny Damon and
LeJon Witherspoon from Seven Ducks is a great story
Ok but save them
You're gonna come back?
Filthy Rich Cowlidroth. Yeah we did the Kardashians
and George Foreman's kids
We got a lot
to do there. Oh there is another Matt
Mitchell. That's who you thought you booked today
Is the funny
Matt Mitchell
Imagine this I'm not even the most famous
guy in my family and not the
most famous Matt Mitchell
Who's the most famous guy in your family? My cousin
is Yellow Wolf a rapper
I'll be going to his show when he's
36 Mafia Project
So imagine this I've did the
night show and everything and like at least I'm
the most famous guy in my family
and then my
cousin Yellow Wolf comes on like fuck
this guy
You're killing me dude
I've been on the night show and now you're just gonna blow
right past me and dirty dude
Hell yeah
I love how we got bed bug control up on the Google
screen this is amazing I love you guys
BBC
Bed Bug Control
I'm a BBC
Expert Bed Bug Control
See you next week
There he is
Next week
Why did everyone go
I don't know what we're supposed to do
Music
What a thing