This week on Clown College
But as far as they're like out right now, yeah, they're current they're pretty current. I don't know when they're around for like
What about food fighters?
Food fighters. I'm not a fan, you know
I'll say it right now that
Food fighters. I'll say it right now. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I to this day
I just still feel like it's real fucked up that Dave Grahl felt the need to shoot Kurt Cobain's head
Just so he could start a shitty little side project
Jesus Christ
This is Matthew Tate everybody
Every food fighter song sounds the same except for like a couple of them. I'm not a fan
Yeah, you know Dave Grahl used to be like one of those weird like chemtrail conspiracy theorists too
What's chemtrail?
I'm big on the chemtrails
What's chemtrail? I don't know what this is
It's disgusting but on a mass scale
You know it's like these planes they leave chemtrails
It fucks people up dude
Oh, okay
You know
Oh you're just talking about okay, I know it's okay
And you're saying this this like hurts people
That's what they say dude, I was always more of a Jason Everman guy over Dave Grahl, but you know
God I don't know who these white people are
Yeah
Me neither
Jason Everman's dope
And I'm always a drummer that somebody allowed to have a microphone for some stupid reason
That's the real dudes name
But they got an actual gay black deaf guy to play him in the thing
He checked all the boxes too
Oh no
Look right there
I see it right there
Can you see that ogre? He does look brighter right there
Which one we're looking at?
Damn
The dude?
Big or better one
I just want to see if you can see it for the clip that I pulled up because I need you to
Just the outfit
But it's good I like that don't get me wrong
Yeah it's a good style
Outfit is nice
But then pick the right choices
Yeah dude I like you could play tic tac toe on your bicep
You recording everything?
Yep everything's good
That's good
And that's good
Damn man
I like me for me
Not because it's a bicep
That zing got you feeling different
Yeah it did
Them lit pillars
I went to the doctor they gave me some nicotine patches
Taste of sarone?
No they wouldn't give me that
Sons of bitches
Wait nicotine patches from the doctor?
Yeah and gum
Why?
Because I said I wanted to quit smoking
So they loaded me up
Do you though?
I want to
Don't know if it's going to happen
Going to and going to is your thing
Yeah yeah yeah
But I'm going to put them on I'm going to try
But I've tried before and people didn't
I was very
Not happy
And my soldiers made me start smoking again
They were just like
Sarne Carl will you smoke again?
Will you smoke again?
For real because I would fuck them up
Do they still give you cigs in the army?
Fuck no
No that's just a World War II thing
Yeah
Damn dude
There's not any rations anymore
We used to be a country man
A Hershey bar and a pack of cigs dude
Whatever happens in America
Gosh
You still get the you won't get a Hershey bar
What they give you
It's one of those candies
Non GMO
Skittles and peanut M&Ms
Oh peanut M&Ms
But you got to get the right MRE
You got to get the right one I think it was
Vegetarian cheese tortellini had it in it
And I think chili with beans
Hmm
It's the fattest shit to memorize the MRE
You have to dude
You don't want to get one with just like
A good entree and then all the snacks are like
Freeze dried pound cake
You don't want that
It's not good
Fuck no
I feel like it has a potential to be good
I'll fuck a pound cake
Oh yeah
Me too
Ogre you would probably like it
Looking at you right now
I'm just like no you would love it
Fair enough
We should all talk
I'm down
We can get an MRE off the internet
I've had worse days in my life
I could go on post and grab a something
Hell yeah
Oh no man
We want the ones from Iraq dude
That grade eight
No that's what you want
Yeah that's what I'm talking about
You go to the commissary
The commissary on post and they have MREs there
All the good ones got sand in them
Extra grip dude
Yeah
Ogies
Hell yeah
What's up
Let me get you an applause
Yeah
Yeah man
Thanks for coming back and chilling with us
Hell yeah
Oh yeah Brandon
My sweet little baby boy
Hey how you doing man
The first time I came here I was in a rush when I left my house and I forgot your present
Oh shit
Oh damn
Look at that
It's wrapped in everything dude
Oh he got it
I had my daughter wrap that for you too
The wrapping paper looks the same as his shirt
Yo
This the Macho Man Randy Savage?
Original?
When he was in baseball?
Holy shit
Oh when he played for the Cardinals?
Dude this is when he was with the Cardinals
That's the red
This real?
Holy shit
Amazing
Dude I'm sorry I just I never seen this in person
Brandon is it alright if I see that?
I know I might have to pry it away from you
This shit is
That's the Macho Man
That was his last name Poffo?
Yep
Just like his brother the genius
That's Macho Man?
Yep
Looks like Andrew Dice Clay
Daddy?
My kids are like think it was my inheritance
I don't know who this looks like man
Not fucking Macho Man
It doesn't look like Macho Man at all it's before the steroids
Baseball players look more like Macho Man now dude
Yeah
Everybody's got a mullet dude
Oh yeah
Oh yeah man that's some good hell yeah
Anybody else want a Slim Jim dude?
Hell yeah
This dude has the Slim Jims you know
Hell yeah
I don't
Oh yeah he's dead now
Back in the day
Back in the day he had a Slim Jim?
Oh hell yeah man you snap into one of those
Jesus
Slim Jim
You gotta say no diddy after that
No diddy after that no diddy what's that
Or diddy he might be diddy
Brandon you got invited to a diddy party didn't you?
Oh yeah man well I've heard about it
What?
I was at A&M and I heard everybody talking about like P. Diddy's coming he wants some A&M people on the tour bus
And I was like aw man this is bullshit he gonna take all the girls
And they were like no he's taking the dudes
And I was like
Are you serious?
Yeah he just wanted the dudes
I was like see there's something wrong with that
And you was ready to go
Hell fuck that I saw the lines right there man as soon as they said no it's dude I was like okay
They just didn't know how to get Brandon
They should have told him the bus was a transformer
It's crazy
It's crazy how so many times you were always almost took
Almost but never not yet
Never never never never man fuck that right
That TV show I Shouldn't Be Alive
That should be Brandon dude
My asshole shouldn't be tight
Hell no
I should have to sit down slowly
Oh my gosh
That's so good
You got the macho man?
He's so high
I figured you'd appreciate that man
Thank you man
That's actually dope though
That is
Didn't he get drafted by like the Cardinals though?
For some reason I thought he played for them
I have no clue
Maybe I'm tripping
I didn't even know he played baseball
The like pro sports to WWE pipeline it's a real thing man
Brock Lesnar
I mean you see how these motherfuckers look
Like they look like action figures
Oh yeah yeah
And then that's whenever they failed at the sport
Because they probably weren't good natural but on steroids
Probably ran out of breath from all the roids man
You still gotta have some cardio to play baseball
And their juice to the gills dude
Hell yeah
It was required at one point
All of them warriors are lunatic then
He was crazy
I just saw him like training some kids back when he was alive
He was training some kids
He was like I don't want to see that bullshit
Bend those fucking knees
Just like regular conditioning?
It was like a show
It was like he's training
It was the Boy Scouts
There were seven
Let me show you
Damn dude
Dude back in the day they would be like
You had to be tough in the 80s
And if you lost a fight in real life you were out
They would kick you out
Because these guys were like bodyguards
What else would they do?
Man they did everything
They were tough
But today I don't know
Is that him right there?
Oh yeah it's the old man warrior right there
You got him doing the black power?
Or the Trump after he got shot dude?
Let's see I want to see that
I'm going to show you that picture you guys were talking about when he was training them kids
Look at that face
That's determined
God damn
That's him?
That's before he died
That's before he died 2012
That's before he died
Oh I should have known from the shirt
Here's another one
He's getting it man
Oh gosh
You know like in the wrestling he didn't talk much right?
No he wasn't good at the promos
Yeah he wasn't good at promos
He would get mad too easily a lot
I wonder why
He had a bit of a temper problem
Before matches he would stand in the corner and scream fuck you to himself
For 30 minutes before his match
Oh he was out there I'm surprised he didn't kill his family
He must not have had one
Oh no he did surprise me he got two daughters that are my age
Well maybe one daughter that's my age and another one that's close to my age
He has a wife too
He's trying to hit in the family dude
I know about him
Rest in peace I remember he died in that park
Did he die in the parking lot?
With that heart attack? Cause he had a heart attack after that show
Man
Yeah
I remember that
It doesn't suck to die this slow like this fit
Hell yeah
Like you're this fit and then you
I could have had a cheeseburger
He was only in the 50s man
I should have done all the sit ups I could have masturbated one more time
Tough dude man
Do you think they put him in the casket shirtless?
If I was him I would be like it would require it
That was MS I mean he lost a lot of his muscle mass
He had MS?
Yeah
Oh I thought he just died of a heart attack
Look at his legs
Holy shit
That's fake
He looks like he's about to fly away dude
That's his wingsuit
That's 2K14 man
I thought that was real for a second
That's 2K14
Also he looks like Goro
He had four arms
Goro, listen
Like that volleyball player that you had us pull up
He's almost as good as our national figure
Hold on he has a better one
That doesn't look like our dude
That was really just like an underdeveloped twin that he combined with
Goro?
Yeah
Well I don't know if that's the actual lore but that's what I like to imagine
Yeah that's Goro
Goro absorbed his twin
And Goro never looked better than in the cheesy
Fuck you Alex
The first Mortal Kombat movie
Yeah the first Mortal Kombat movie when it was like a puppet like they're doing it
The strings, the bottom arms, the top arms, they both moved together
Like a fucking seven year old spider costume for Halloween
They're all strung together
Y'all joked on him
That's like 2019 Brock Lesnar
I know four girls in the hood with that same ponytail
And they're also named Goro
The two of them owe me money
Y'all can't joke on him man
He's a rainbow baby dude
He repurposed his twin
Is that what that means?
Rainbow baby is the baby you have after a miscarriage I believe
I know that because of Cody Mack, shout out Cody Mack
Oh Cody Mack did say that
But that was funny what his mom said in the crowd
Said he was a rainbow baby and she was like you gay
Pulaski, Tennessee baby
Hard working Americans up there
Have you ever did that room?
Where at now?
In Pulaski
Venue 220?
Yeah venue 220
It was a good room but it was four people
It was real fun dude except the bartender would not look at me at all
You remember that?
Same thing yes
And she caught you looking at me whenever you looked at me like god
She turned around right when you did that too
I'm glad I didn't too
Damn
Of course he didn't tip whites
It was a free drink
Yeah that's when you tip man
He tipped 80% of the cost of that drink
Here's a tip, work harder
Damn
Pull the dead, the ultimate dead
That's a head tip
Well you know I knew Jake wasn't going to tip so
Oh god no
I'm not going to say what kind of people he is
He's Jewish
You've been watching the Olympics?
Hell no
I'm blind as fuck man what am I supposed to watch?
The borders flip around?
So I know you're blind but I was hoping you could be able to make this out a little bit
Will you click on that Brandon?
There's a break dancing
Oh my god
Yes there's a break dancing division of the Olympics
And why did South Korea not win dude?
Let's put some sound, you ready?
Yeah let's just watch it and then we'll talk about it afterwards
Some good shit
Their tie sent me a clip of this
This is real, this is really at the Olympics
I think this is Ukraine
Austria or some shit like that
That one guy had an extension cord right up his ass
And it plugged in the wall
This is a really good question
I can't believe this is real dude
What country is this?
Australia I think, she's an Aussie right?
That's a he?
That's Kacey Rockett?
Oh no that's a he
No
That's a woman
That's a nice ass brother
And she's like
Sweet puss bro
She teaches people how to, what?
Black people are like in Australia
She's like urban, she has a doctorate in urban
I swear to God
Urban planning hopefully
But she's like this is how black people move
Oh no
She's a scientific racist
Breakdancing at the Olympics
That's pretty sick
If those people are Olympians, I'm an Olympian
So what would you be your sport?
Fuck it I'll do that
I can trip and fall just as good as they are
For Amerit, we gotta send Mike Sales
Oh he fucking exactly
For the over 65 division
Yes
Is he a 65?
He just gotta save up and buy new deep freeze for the cardboard box
Yeah that's crazy man
You know they're adding a lot of stuff into the Olympics
The one thing that I thought was cool was the speed climbing
Have you seen that?
They like go up the rock wall super fast
That shit is crazy
I think his name is Sam Watson from Texas
He climbed up this 25-30 foot wall in like 4 seconds
Damn
Four
How?
Bro he flies up the fucking thing
And this is the first time they had it at the Olympics?
I don't know if it's the first time but this is my first time seeing it
Yeah that dude right there
Dude he flies up the fucking thing
The blurry guy?
The blue blur?
Damn
I'm gonna be damned
That's some Spider-Man shit isn't it?
That's something
If you could be one superhero but you can't be Superman who would it be?
Deadpool of course
Or Wolverine
Which one? Pick one
Deadpool
I would always go Wolverine
Wolverine? That's what my dude do
Gotta go Spider-Man right?
So you can swing around
But I live in fucking Alabama so maybe not Spider-Man
Yeah you wouldn't get far
You gotta swing off pine trees and shit
What the fuck you doing?
I don't know man
Maybe um
Professor X dude
He's got a cool chair
Yeah your squirrel hunting game would be off a chain
Spider-Man
Just splat him against the fucking tree and go collect him
You wouldn't have to chase him at all
What about you Dom?
Something to do with eating something
Shit the hawk you are
The blob?
I'm surprised yours isn't a cyclops you son of a bitch
That's the whole reason he asked this question
That's the whole reason he asked this question was for that joke
And it was good but it wasn't that good
It wasn't for that I just saw that right there
I've been there
I don't know what's a good middle eastern superhero
They don't have one
Wait Moon Knight, Moon Knight right?
He got those knee jerks at Aladdin
Dude what are you saying?
I'm not sure
Dude what are you saying?
I can see you being that
You should be Jubilee
Brandon look up Jubilee
How you spell Jubilee?
J-U-B
Let him try
I thought you were asking me
Am I right here?
Yeah you can be Jubilee she just shoots fireworks out of her hands
And she's Asian
That's it
I'd be the Flash though man
Come on dude we're running
Because I don't do it now
And I can eat as much as I want
And I wouldn't gain weight because he has to have all those calories
Because you could reverse time
Oh shit you sure could
The weirdest eating disorder ever
I've eaten a cake so many times
Like change the slice each time you go back
Do something different man
The slice of what?
The cake like I didn't want the back part
You eat the whole cake
You know what fuck we're going to get it from the middle
Dude what if it was like a skit
We did the Autistic Flash
Reverse his time so he can like
He messed up a word and he comes back just to say it right
I do that every night man
Don't give me that power
Faster than a speeding train but he just runs along side
Oh my god
It's a bird, it's a train
Just jogging beside a train for 150 miles doing this
I was trying to tell my co-workers that
Some Autistic people get real hyped about trains
And they didn't believe me
And then I did an impression and they didn't like that
They didn't like that
Why not?
What was the impression?
I was like
It's the EL330
And I was like if it's a steam engine dude
They'll fucking come
They didn't like that
But it's fun
Brandon it's not a real train
Fuck you need your trains here man
I'm about to look it up
Jesus Christ
Julebee, speaking of Julebee
What's that right there?
I thought that was like a Bollywood movie or something
I think that's a Filipino fast food restaurant
That's Jollibee
Jollibee
They got spaghetti
It's not that good at all
Where did you get Jollibee at?
Why they have it there?
I have it in California
They probably got it all in the west
With those people
I couldn't imagine living there
Those people that you look like?
I swear they got us
I'm not talking about the Hawaiians
Those are my boys
Don't bring the Samoans I don't want that smoke
You look like that Filipino guy singing Creed
We looked at last week
You drink just as much as he does
I can't tell you
How many times my son Moose has watched you
Sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow on YouTube
Dude, big fan
Rest in peace that guy
You know who else passed away?
That guy we were talking about last week
The guy who got
The Australian guy that got arrested
He was like
Touching my penis
He's dead
He just died
I've seen that
Rest in peace
Probably a judo match
Judo
Hell yeah
You know your judo well
They were talking about him on Jim and Sam
You know who else died
We were talking about wrestling earlier
Kevin Sullivan
He was in WCW
He was the ex of the one that
Crispin Wall killed
Before he was married
To a woman before Crispin Wall
Hell yeah man
I've never seen him before
He had the whole
Dumes, he had the dungeon with the
Giant, he had Vader
Hawk Hogan got his ass whooped in there
That's a big show, but he's a giant back there
Back in the day
He had Hawk Hogan go in his dungeon
They all whooped his ass, it was crazy
They whooped his ass Hawk Hogan
They jumped on him, the giant came out there
Gave him that giant smack
I will look like that guy in the left
Very soon
What, Mingen Oakley?
Oh Jimmy Hart
Oh shit
He still look like that now, it's been like 30 years
He's still looking good
He's got a blow horn
He'll yell in your ear
He lives in Key West, he has a customized golf cart that looks like a Cadillac
He hangs out
Down there at Hogan's
Bar and Grill
The spaghetti thing
That's what you said is wrong
That is
You just predicted
That's what I aspire to be man
Retired in Key West
All I thought you said in a little while like you don't now
What you do, lose your glasses?
I got a new prescription
Yeah that's fine
Brandon we're going to get you in a wrestling ring
Hell yeah man
And you're going to wrestle somebody
The MWF
Micro Wrestling Federation
Alright
Wait for really any good trip for that
I want to take most of that
Micro Wrestling? Yeah
They used to have it at the Boxcar
Oh I thought you said something else
Wrestling Peace Boxcar
I thought you were talking about the other place
Shag Nasties
Shag Nasties went down dude
They closed down for good
They're open again?
So different owner?
I guess
Shag Nasties? I don't know
Well that was fast
Maybe we should start another open Mike with new ownership
A biker game
This dude doesn't try to fight you if you have
If you're running the open Mike
Because you're bringing more people than they had in
Yeah I heard that last guy was a pussy
I'm sad they didn't go completely out of business
I was looking forward to those two and a half boxes of half melted cheese sticks
Doesn't it home?
Somebody was telling me their steak was fire though
It was good
You had it?
I would always see the former owner post on Facebook
The pictures of the uncooked steaks
We just got these in
The marbling is looking real nice
And I don't know what that means but I bought into it
Marble that's what matters
We just killed that hooker from last night
She had some meat on her
They had good chicken
Really good chicken tippies man
I got to admit that
That chicken was good, the fries
Just to service his ass
Huh?
You only ever had fried pickles?
Yeah something I ever had from there
Nathan Jinx does a review on fried pickles
Did he get a good rating?
I'm fucking certain he does
I guess I can say this now
Yeah pickle party
Dude I guess I can say this now
The first time
The first ever open mic at Chag Nasty
Is when Daniel Castillo was hosting it
Before he came to the show
Castillo was hosting it before he passed away
R.I.P
I projectile vomited in the bathroom
Projectile vomited
Not even drinking
Wasn't even drinking dude
I don't know what happened
Yeah COVID's rough
I don't believe in that kind of thing
He was up right after that
And I just remember looking at that sticker
Above the urinal that says
A good lawyer knows the law
A good lawyer knows the judge
That's great
That is where it's lived by
And that makes sense for that owner
Yeah 1000% makes sense
Shit that's some weird stuff
Above a bathroom
I'm trying to remember where that show was at
I did it a couple times
Joyce Laws was running it up in fucking
Around Florence somewhere
But there was a sign in the men's bathroom
That said do not flush any paper
In the toilets
What the fuck
She just walked out of the pocket
With a toilet paper with shit on it
Or the trash can
What the fuck
I just put it in the corner man
Put it in the trash can
Dude my first ever job was in Chili's
I was a host and I had to clean
The bathroom and my first day I went
In to clean the men's bathroom
And this is a men's bathroom and in the corner
Was this huge pile of bloody
Toilet paper
It might have been me
It might have been me but the boy popped
You know those southwestern egg rolls dude
They get you
They just left you poly
You look like you have boils on your ass
You want to look?
You got a problem with that?
Don't you hate when you go down on a big girl
And you can't tell if you got her off or you just actually
Bit into a heat bump? I hate that
That's so nasty
A heat bump
Skeeter bite down there dude
We all got heat bumps in here
Nobody else got heat bumps alright
That's cool man
Oh my god
You talking about the boilers and shit
I was like we all got this too
You got boil? Yeah I think so
In your ass? Not the ass
Where is it at? It's on the sides man
You got them six sides and shit you know
Chafing boilers? Yeah that's not boil stuff
Oh that's not
Yeah I got those
What is it? Okay so
Boils they have they're full of pus when they flare up
Oh yeah I got some of those
Where at? It's somewhere up there
Like in the thighs
The thighs right? It's like upper legs
On the inner thighs? Yeah
I'm waiting for your brand of Little Mermaid songs
It's like both you have to chafer than that
It's the worst of both worlds
Oh yeah that shit does suck
It's like chisel patches or something dude
Hell yeah
You got a nice little fate
Hell yeah man I got my sales hooked me up
I was like I can't keep going out here with this big bush
So we just
That might be part of your
Chafing issue too
Wait that ass do it
Damn that's crazy man
You learn something new every day
I bet your bush is out of control
We got Manscaped
Shout out to our sponsor by them
I know dude
Two point I think
We'll get you a new one
I got to upgrade
It's seen some years
We're going to upgrade
It's just rust
It's melting the fucking hair off of it
Alright
That's the end of this
This part thank you Ogre for coming on
Thank you
I got this zen in my mouth I'm feeling pretty light
He's like dude
I'm fucking seeing the world
He can show you the world too
I don't think the white lives on that carpet
The whole boat barely gets his ass up off the ground
He needs magic hardwood
This cheap ass got magic linoleum
Just sagging in the middle
That plywood doesn't give out under that linoleum
Be careful around that fridge
Alright we'll be back and we have Matthew Tate on
Yes we do
This week's featured comedian
Folks welcome to the Huntsville Comedy Self Defense class
Over here with your teacher Matthew Tate tonight
What do you do when somebody tries to take your car keys by force?
Ma'am what do you do when somebody tries to take your car keys by force?
Bite the shit out of them
Bite the shit out of them that's a good one
You sir what do you do when somebody tries to take your car keys by force?
I be like man don't take my car keys
It's a bitch move I would take your car keys
So I used to host an open mic right by this roof and all dispensary called Trashy Meyers a couple years ago
And somebody tried to rob me out of that gas station right in front
I'm going to show you right now what you should do
So I gave them one of these right in the mouth
It's a self defense tool
I think it's called some kind of rubber throat puncher
You can buy these on Tmoo for about $8.99
Can you hold this for a sec?
No
There's a little hook out right there
Don't mind if it's moving it has a mind of its own sometimes
I'm going to use that later
I had somebody recently tell me it was a woman that told me this
That her boyfriend was eating her ass in the shower
And then later on that very same day that guy told his friends
His friends came over and he was like I would never eat ass that's disgusting
And she was like but you just ate my ass in the shower
No he wasn't lying he thought it was her pussy
It was her ass
How old was this guy?
Old enough to know better
Yeah you're old enough to know better
On today's episode of Men Don't Know a Natter
Hone up to it
Your ass is good
I don't know
I love that
You have to understand Brandon trying to grab certain things is beautiful
It's something you can't write and then write Brandon
You can't write it
This is me
You couldn't set it up
It's just who you are and you got the nice fade man
Thanks man
But more importantly don't we have a special guest on the podcast
We have a very special guest
One of the founding members of Huntsville Comedy
Uno
I mean a veteran 12, 13 maybe 25 years
I really don't know I wasn't around
But a long ass time
Today we have Matthew Tate
Hey
Hell yeah
Thank you for having me
Hell yeah thank you for coming up
How you been?
I've been good
Chilling?
Yeah
Chillaxing?
Enjoying the summer
Spending a lot of time at the pool you know
I see those pictures on Instagram
You've been spending a lot of time at the pool?
Oh fuck yeah
You're gonna get burnt to shit
No
Surprisingly
I've got tan lines like a motherfucker
Honestly I need to find a fucking nude beach to even some of this shit out
But uh
You would go to a nude beach and just lay out?
Hell yeah
They couldn't handle me
That's what's up
Do they still have those?
Where's the closest nude beach at?
Don't know
Go to Huntersville
You mean search it up?
I'll search it up we can find this out together
Yes
You throwing Dom back in the water?
Let's see closest nude beach
Rockhaven
Know your location
Rockhaven so Tennessee we can do this
There's no coastline in Tennessee
That's the strangest part
That's the Land O' Watt state
Oh look my bad Cleveland Georgia
Cleveland Georgia
That's the weirdest part
That's not a nude beach
That's just a bunch of weirdos hanging out by a river
Brandon don't act like you don't know man
Man I don't but it sounds yeah
Sounds like the experience
There's a wait is that in Florida Bay what is that Bay?
Bay Bears
Bay Bears Nudist Park
That's where I will be at
Ooh it's quiet
Bears yeah
They love you dude
Oh yeah they love bears man
You would dance that huh?
Just a big Chicago Bears fan
Fucking hate the god damn bears don't you dare do that to me right here
I fucking hate the bears too
Damn
St. Louis born and raised me
Hey St. you can find me in St. Louis
Oh I gotta tell you my Nelly story sometime
Oh now
Damn
Let's hear that now
Like the rapper Nelly
Yeah
Hell yeah
No the other one
I don't know Nelly man
It's the archeologist
What's the word?
The renowned composer
So no like growing up my mom after she divorced my dad she was actually engaged to a professor
of computer science at Washington University which is NU city for a time and Nelly lived
with his family just like two blocks down and we used to have block parties there like
during the summer and shit and one time when I was visiting I mean I always got picked
on a lot as a kid like I've always been very small I've always been a little nerdy you
know but one time I was getting picked on by the neighborhood kids and Nelly who's
a few years older than us this was well before country grammar came out before his career
took off but he just told off the kids he's like what the hell is wrong with y'all weren't
you raised right like leave that boy alone
No
Damn
That's wild
Damn
Hey and Nelly one of them people that you would see him and you'd probably be like oh
he's probably cool he will snap just like that if you ever watched a breakfast club
interview and he would have fucked those kids up I guarantee he would have fucked those
kids up
But he's a solid person man and I mean that was in line with everything I found out about
him like I don't know if you know about the whole like he's quietly sent two kids to college
like every year since country grammar came out
For real?
And he never bragged about it like an independent reporter found out about it in like 2017 or
something and published an article about it but yeah like every year he just spent for
two random kids just everything like room and board fucking textbooks tuition all that
shit for their entire four year
Why am I about to cry right now?
That's awesome
Nelly Nails he put St. Louis on the map
The St. Lunatics
What you think we live on our farm?
Make it be for real I got it
Everybody thought we was just country dog so you from St. Louis where you from what part?
St. Charles
St. Charles I know St. Charles yeah yeah
I lived right on the border of St. Charles and St. Peter no this is not a bit like literally
that's what things are named around there
It is
And then my mom was engaged to a guy who lived in New City so I spent a lot of time there
and yeah always loved Nelly and the Lunatics too I actually had a cat that I named Murphy
Lee
Yeah Murphy Lee was the one of the St. Lunatics that everybody thought was going to be the
biggest
He probably was I mean he still was the biggest one
Like vocally he had the most unique style and cadence I think
So what year was this around?
My personal Nelly story you mean?
Yeah I was talking about like when this Nelly was because I
He's talking about when Country Grammar came out
Yeah around this time
99 was it
Oh was it?
90s?
I think it was 99
It's probably around there
Long time
Cause that's whenever like you had St. Louis it was just Nelly J. Quan a little bit
You see that remix that song J. Quan's tipsy but with a country version
Everybody in the club getting tipsy
Everybody at the bar getting tipsy
That's shaboozy
Okay so yeah so this they got a it's actually good it's really good it's a country rendition
I didn't know that
That's J. Quan
Everybody in the club getting tipsy
Oh okay that actually makes sense that's crazy
They play the country radio station where I work all the time and that song's on three times a day
Hell yeah
So that's as enjoyable as you think it is you know
Yeah that was when St. Louis was put on the map and Atlanta started coming up
Like the southern the southern crunk boys
The whole dirty south movement that was so like that period of time in hip hop that was
I mean that was the biggest scene for years
Oh god yeah
I mean all the cultural phenomena that came out even the dumb shit like you know Ghost Riding the Whip
You know
Ghost Riding the Whip
But I mean there were some god damn amazing music to come out of that scene at that time
I mean Ludacris the stuff Jermaine Dupree was doing
Oh yeah see I was just talking about this to my co-workers
You know what they don't make well they might make it but it doesn't hit the top charts
Is rock music
Do they not have good rock music anymore or at least popular rock
Yeah I mean
Because like whenever we were all growing up even though you had this which was main
Like I mean this was like going to be number one on the charts
But it still would be a rock song that beats it that you that I would have never heard of but
I feel like Greta Van Fleet is the modern rock band
I have no clue who that is
Well they're just they're I mean they're very derivative of Led Zeppelin
But as far as
They're new? They're like out right now?
Yeah they're current they're pretty current I don't know when they're last
They've been around for like 8, 9 years
What about Food Fighters?
Food Fighters
I'm not a fan you know and I'll say it right now that
Food Fighters?
I'll say it right now I know this is an unpopular opinion but I to this day I just still feel like it's
Real fucked up that Dave Graal felt the need to shoot Kurt Cobain's head just so he could start a shitty little side project
This is Matthew Tate everybody
Every Food Fighters song sounds the same except for like a couple of them
I'm not a fan you know Dave Graal used to be like one of those weird like Chemtrail conspiracy theorists too
What's Chemtrail?
I'm big on the Chemtrails
What's Chemtrail? I don't know what this is
It's not dusting but on a mass scale
You know it's like these planes they leave Chemtrails it fucks people up dude
Oh ok
You know
Oh you're just talking about ok I know it's ok
And you're saying this like hurts people
No that's what they say dude I was always more of a Jason Everman guy over Dave Graal but you know
God I don't know who any of these white people are
Me neither
Jason Everman's dope
Dave Graal is a drummer that's somebody allowed to have a microphone for some stupid reason
Oh well hold on, Food Fighters have good songs
They have a couple
I like All My Life
All My Life is a really good song
All My Life I don't know that one
All my life I've been waiting for something
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's good
I know Everlong
Everlong sick
See I'm not a person that likes bands I like just songs
And I got like three songs on my playlist
I like that too
I like songs rather than artists
Yeah if it sounds good I'm going to listen to it
So to answer your question though about like good modern rock music
I think that's like a two fold kind of answer
Where on the one part it's a sign that we're getting old that we don't think that there's good modern music
Because there absolutely is
But there is a fair point to be drawn that there was kind of this phenomenon in the 90s
Where counterculture became popular and alternative rock became popular
Usually alt music has more layers, it has more things going on
And that being brought into the mainstream is why we had so many fucking amazing artists at the time
Like Alice in Chains, Soundgarden
Yeah Soundgarden that's my shit
Yeah me too
I got to see them live in concert 13 days before Chris Cornell passed
And I almost didn't go because another comedian Krish Mohan was doing an album recording and he asked me a feature on it
And I almost never turned down gigs but I was like I
I got Soundgarden tickets and like they're on my bucket list
I didn't know apparently I was on their bucket list but you know
Speaking of albums, how many albums you got out?
So technically I've got three and I've got an EP length single
And the EP length single The Happiness Illusion is
It was kind of a thing that had an expiration date on
It's all about living in isolation during a global pandemic
And the only reason it's one track is because I was too lazy to split it into multiple
But it's 18 minutes long whereas all my other albums are like between 15 minutes and an hour 15 long
But yeah I've got three full length albums then The Happiness Illusion
And then I just I put out a music demo track which is the first time I've put out any kind of music in 17 years
What kind of music you do?
Not much these days
Well what did you do?
I was in a really terrible new metal band
You know how new metal is?
No
Or was?
So it was like the rap metal that was really popular in the late 90s and early 2000s
So like rehab?
Or like Korn
That shit
Yeah I was in a really bad new metal band back when I lived in Illinois
A few years after new metal stopped being relevant and we were called a flock of three gulls
Like three with the number three and then gulls with the Z
I was doing a lot of drugs at the time
I don't do that anymore
Shout out good shit
We were fucking horrible
We were dog shit
Where did you live at in Illinois?
Decatur, Illinois
Decatur that's up north right?
The very center, it's the anus of Illinois
And smells like it too, Staley's Bridge
You can smell our factory byproducts from Decatur, Illinois
All the way in Champaign Urbana like 45 minutes away if the wind is strong enough on a given day
Was it kind of like Decatur, Alabama?
Yeah so that's the thing like every Decatur is exactly the same
Damn I knew it
I've been to Decatur, Georgia, I've been to Decatur, Alabama, I've been to Decatur, Illinois, they're all the same town
It's kind of like when you name your kid Jeeves he's going to grow up to be a fucking butler
There's a lot of Jeeves butlers I have seen
I can't afford them though
So you remember Ask Jeeves?
Hell yeah
The web browser, I brought that up on the podcast before and nobody knew what I was talking about
I know Ask Jeeves, that's what they used to have before Google
Fake piece of shit right here dude
I know Ask Jeeves
We brought Ask Jeeves up on the podcast before dude
How you spell Ask Jeeves? I want to see this
A-S-K
Jeeves
Wait, wait, no, hold on
I thought you said Ash
Like Ashenado
That's Ask Jeeves
That's cool as shit
That was Google before Google
That was like six years after I used the internet for the first time
I mentioned my mom dated a computer science professor
So I was like exposed to the internet in like 93, 94
Like when it started
When it was still text based
And it was weird
You know how you'd see those old command menus where it's like the green font, black background
And it would have the various commands you can do
And then there's like one
Like letter is in parenthesis
And it means press that key to do that function
That's what the internet looked like in the early 90s
And it was really fucking wild
I only saw that in the Matrix
Yeah, just like, yeah, just type in internet in 1993 to the Ask Jeeves
Let's see what you're talking about
Like that?
Yeah, basically like that
That's what the internet looked like
Yeah
What was that? 31 years ago now
Now we can make pictures of ourselves being president
Oh hell yeah
So now we know what Dom does on the internet, dude
Do a lot of shit on the internet now
That'd be the best president
You said who?
You're old enough
Yeah, I'm old enough and there's no reason to play the bullshit
I don't want these people's money
They're all playing to a certain crowd
No matter who you like, they're playing to a certain crowd
I wouldn't do that
I'd just be like, you know, sometimes you have to kill women and children
Can you explain in detail your stance on immigration?
Yep, oh
You got that
I want to hear this one, I want to hear that
Yeah, it's just normal
You know, you come over illegally
You probably make it less hard for it to be legal
And then, you know, just have the people here
So you want to simplify the naturalization process?
I agree
Well, first of all, I'm putting words in my mouth because I don't know what that means
But what I'm saying is
Simplify?
Can we break it down?
Well, you know, it's either marriage or seven years of residence, you know
Okay, there you go
Brandon's quick with it
I set it up for you, man
He's looking it up
Dom, I'm over here like, am I old enough to party?
I'm old enough to third party
Hell yeah
How old you got to be?
Would you be independent if you ran?
35, he's good
Fuck yeah, I'd be independent
Hell yeah
I have to
I wouldn't win though because you know what?
No independent person is going to win
Yeah, I mean
I'm just not going to
You know, I worked in politics in Illinois
We didn't win in the traditional sense of victory
But I ran a Green Party candidate for governor
And this was, he was running against Rod Blagojevich
Who was the governor who went to prison for trying to sell Obama's vacant Senate seat
That's real
And I worked for Blagojevich for like two weeks
And I met him and I was like, fuck no
I'm also not, I'm not working for the Republican candidate who is Judy Bartopinka
So I worked for the Green Party guy
And you know what?
We actually did get 10.8% of the statewide vote
And under Illinois, like their state law or shit or whatever
Words escaping me
But their guidelines
That actually qualified the Green Party for equal public funding
For what the Democrats and the Republicans got
For all seats and races for the next two election cycles
And we actually did get some Greens in the office at the state level at that time
That's pretty significant
Yeah
What did you do? What was your thing?
I was a precinct captain
So I basically oversaw all phone banking, pampleting and whatnot for three different precincts
I also helped the candidate out with some speech writing stuff
It was like four times the responsibility I had when I was working for Rod Blagojevich
But I mean that's just the nature of working third party campaigns
Like Mark Viola, comic who just moved here, I'm actually wearing his merch
Let me see, let me see
I love somebody with someone for steady paycheck
I know where body came from
He adds up
He works the field a lot too and he can tell you
And he pretty much always works third party
He can tell you like the workload that you face when you're working for a third party candidate is so much fucking heavier than working for a Democrat
Is it because less funding?
It's because less staff really
So there's more to do
Yeah
So you ever think about getting back into politics?
Yes
Really?
These days yeah
So I, for a time I kind of, this is going to sound weird
If there's one, for a time I kind of considered myself like forever ineligible for public office just because of some things in my past you know
And there's people on every campaign whose whole job is to dig up dirt on the other candidate
Like when Hillary Clinton was running against Obama in the primaries
It was one of that type of worker for her that outed Obama for smoking cigarettes which was a huge deal back then
It was, I remember that
And
In a brown suit
Yeah, but yeah so I was like you know what I had some times in my early 20s where I had some drug problems and shit
I probably would never be able to get into public office
If there is one positive thing that I could ever say about Donald Trump it's the fact that he got into office now kind of means that anything goes
Oh yeah
So I would actually entertain and the stuff I've done is nothing compared to that
You know so now I don't know every once in a while I entertain the idea of possibly a run for public office
Probably wouldn't run in Alabama though I don't know how great that would go
You probably, yeah Alabama is just going to be a no go
I don't see them like it's like whenever you know like every vote matters I do understand this
But there's not a chance in hell Alabama ever flips to blue
Well they said the same thing about Texas
And Texas is a big fucking swing state now and by and large it's because of a lot of people moving to the Dallas metro and Austin areas
But yeah Texas is projected to go for Harris during this election cycle
But has Texas ever been blue? Who are they blue for?
Obama?
They, I believe that Biden actually carried Texas in 2000
Or 2020
Now something that I've always wanted to ask I've never really known the answer to
Somebody that's worked in politics, why is coroner like a public office?
Why do you have to run as a Democrat or Republican for coroner?
Well, that's a good fucking question
I don't understand that
I'd expect because you probably want somebody to be vetted to some degree for an office like that
You don't want just anybody you know touching your loved ones after they passed
No you can't, he'll fuck the body
So do you watch political shows?
No, I'm sorry, like West Wing or Veep or any of these
West Wing is really good, I haven't watched a lot of it
I was wondering what's the most accurate to actually working in politics
House of Cards
House of Cards, yeah something like that
It's probably not that far off
Not so much in terms of TV shows but movies
I'd say The Candidate with Robert Redford
It should be required viewing for anybody interested in political work
The Candidate
Right here, 1972?
I've never seen that
I thought you were talking about the one with Will Ferrell and Zach Elfenakis
The campaign
Looked like Steve McQueen in that jacket
Y'all know about Steve?
Hell yeah man, that's good
How did Steve die?
I forgot I died
What year?
What was it? 1970?
This is a guess
Was it 1976?
I have no clue
But I'm sure it is
He's good with dates
I hope so
Well I didn't want him to die
I didn't want him to die
But he did
Everybody dies man
1980, damn I'm four years off
Four years off, you're slipping
Look at this shit
Ever since I've been bragging on him, he hasn't got one right
His brother, his brother Lightning was way more successful
His ass still living?
Lightning was that guy man
He probably stole his fucking name
So you've been doing comedy around here for how long?
How long you been doing around these parts?
12 years, one month and 10 days
God damn
So who was all here when you started?
Tom Hands, Scott Eason, Brandon Iams who is one of my producers at Homegrown
He has moved recently to Florida in the last few years
Jeff Graham was one of those just amazing true talent comics that just every time he got up he killed
And he actually lives not far from here in Tennessee now but he doesn't really perform anymore
Kinda like Dante
Yeah
Isn't that saying?
But Jeff is, Jeff Graham inspired me a lot when I was starting out
He started very shortly before I did but he was one of those that was so fucking good that pushed me to be as good as I could
And man he showed up with like a new hot five like every three weeks
It was insane
Thaddeus Blake who is also one of my partners in Homegrown
For real?
Alright
Alex Z said he saw him last night
Yeah I did of course mention Scott Eason right?
Yeah
Jason Steinhauser who is one of the comics who also founded Epic along with Tim Kelly and Scott Eason and Justin Ledlow
Jonathan Craig who still does comedy here and there but he's taken a bunch of other odd jobs too
He was doing some booking and promo stuff for Jelly Roll for a minute
Oh okay I know what you're talking about that's Scott was telling me about him yeah
I'm gonna feel shitty for forgetting some people but that was kinda the core group
And then Dee's Dee's I think you've met her
Simply Dee's
Yeah Simply Dee's
Nikki Hirachi was a comic at the time who actually hosted one of our only two open mics around the time that I started
And that was at The Green Room which is now Club 47
Tisil Tanya Silver she was also another fantastic comic from around that time
That black lady older comic was very very raunchy she lives in Mobile now
Yeah I love older black ladies who are raunchy cause all my grandma and my aunties they're all like Christian hardcore
Like hardcore Christian so whenever you see somebody who looks like my auntie but says crazy shit I love it
I love it dude
You can sell me on that all day
And they usually have fat asses
Another headache
Just like my auntie
That's how y'all do it in Centralia
That all hailed up
So I got a little tidbit here your favorite comics are Bill Cosby and Jeff Dunham
Yeah I heard that too
I'm gonna be leaving right now
As you can see right here it says he may deny it but he's lying
Why you lying?
You lying ass for man Bill
Let me search him up too man
For the people that don't know
This is our intel guy I just read off the sheet
Yeah me too
You know I will say I feel like there would be some sort of balance to the cosmic scale
If Bill Cosby was forced to do a stand up set with Jeff Dunham's arm up his ass
Let's show them
Oh shit
Every diamond popped up
Who's your go tos?
I really love Sarah Silverman
I uh technically not a comic but I really fucking love John Legasamo
Oh yeah the pest
Yeah
It's technically a one man Broadway show but it's very stand up adjacent
Latin history for morons I feel like should be required viewing for everybody
That's new right? New word
Like last few years
Yeah
Doug Stanhope was the comic who like made me want to do comedy and also in a weird way
Considering if you're familiar with his material and delivery
In a weird way he also inspired me to like get clean
Because back when I had a bad drug problem I remember I was coming down one night and I was hanging out in my roommates room
We were freaking out because we couldn't score any more below and he was like man let me pack this bowl for you
I'm going to put this stand up special on and you know everything's going to be alright
And it was one of Doug Stanhope's earlier specials I think it was No Refunds
And yeah I just remember like watching that and then like as I started to get baked just looking at it
It gave me kind of a perspective shift where I was like you know I could be doing anything other than being an addict
That doesn't use any of their creative talents with my life
And yeah so Doug always holds a special place in my heart
Unfortunately I think he also inspired a generation of shitty edgeward open micers to
Yeah and you're going to have
You're going to have that I mean because whenever you start stand up right you try to do edgy shit
Because that's what you know can get a rise up at least get a reaction some way
I don't like it first of all I want to say this I don't know if you want to do it but I love this 9-11 joke
Will you say it?
What you say is my favorite joke
Alright because you asked so nicely
Okay thanks
I can't shop at Walmart anymore it's not on account of all the shoplifting I've done over the years
By the way there goes my political career
It's not on account of all the shoplifting I've done over the years it's just every time I see that sign that says
Self checkout I can't help but remember all those poor souls diving out of the windows of the towers at 9-11
You didn't hear it Brandon played the ba dum tss sound effect on the board
I had one that I used to use as a closer all the time which was just
Well hey Dom what's worse than finding a worm in an apple?
What's that?
9-11
Oh man dude I'm telling you I cry at that joke every time you tell it
And I think I tell you after every set if you do it I love that joke
I think my favorite bit of yours that I ever heard was only told once at the speakeasy
The Sinbad Genie movie compared to the Israel Palestine compilation
And cartoon pianos that shit was so funny
I'm gonna find a way to make that bit work because I love it but most audiences have not loved it
Honestly it feels like it's a joke for the comics and like politics nerds and that's about it
That joke is for Mark Viola specifically
Shout out Mark
Hell yeah
Best bartender at Fat Sammy's
I catch him every Wednesday at the Fusion
Open mic black cam for hidden dragon me and Alex Z
Fusion comedy
I fucking love that open mic and if it wasn't for the fact that I usually work Wednesdays
It's such a pain in the ass finding parking
Because like I get out at like 9 o'clock and I mean I've done it before
I'll fucking hoof it hard downtown
Especially if I get off a little early you know like if I can sneak out of there right when we close at 830
I'll head down there but it's uh
I hate going downtown because parking
Well do you park at the YMCA because that's a good one I always park there like the YMCA
They got a Y downtown?
Oh yeah like if you park in that parking lot it's free
You just park there that's why I park every time
And then you just had to do a little walk
I didn't even know we had one downtown I knew about the one in Madison and I knew about the one in Jones Valley
Oh yeah it's good no pools though so
Pro tip by the way
Brandon still goes there so they can watch him from 4 to 6
Pro tip by the way any of y'all ever wind up like down on your luck and homeless
And like living out of your car
Get a Y membership because like you can go there fucking get cleaned up get a shower get changed
I mean Y membership's not in the grand scheme of things it's not super expensive
I so like yeah
You been homeless?
Oh yeah me too so tell me about yours
I've been homeless before dude
I don't wanna man it was a brief period of time when I was in Illinois
Fortunately
Me too dude
Fortunately I got rescued by a couple good friends of mine
Jackie and Tara and yeah they brought my ass in out of the
But you were like real like no car or you had a car?
I didn't have a car at the time
Oh shit you're on the street?
Oh okay now
Damn
What you know you're saying you out now
Killing
Killing shit
For now I mean
With fuchsia pants on you wanna stand up and show?
Yeah let me see those pants on
Let's show the fuchsia pants
Let's see these pants
They're nice they're nice I like them
Yeah I do
Like Bret Hart I like that
I'm free of homelessness for now I hate to spoil the ending for y'all but in weight stage capitalism most of us are going to die homeless one day
I'm down for it
Don't mind to bring down the mood
I'm on the way
Like when we like 70 or something
No Brandon like next year
Oh next year I believe it
Depends on who wins the election
And I know you're a hardcore trumper but you know we have to
We have to take a stand Brandon
You gotta get over this
I was just a fan of Hulk Hogan
And then he came up there I don't even know what to think no more man
He was heartbroken he was heartbroken
It sounds like eating all those vitamins turned you maga
Did he just knock down Muhammad Ali that's how racist he is man
Damn
That's fucked up
Yo I got a question
I got an answer
I hear you're like the goat of cheese right?
Goat cheese?
Yes like you love no wait goat cheese that's what you like?
I like goat cheese I like most cheeses but goat cheese is one of my favorites
Oh that's just I saw you were like a big ass fan of cheese like he's the goat of cheese fan
Oh the greatest of all
Because I was finna hook you up man because I make mac and cheese and it's the best mac and cheese in this whole room out of anybody you know what I mean?
I'll eat your mac and cheese
First of all he got the game fucked up
Man no
Brandon we're gonna have a matter of fact we'll do it at an open mic everybody's at or something
Yeah and we'll have a mac off you don't know who's is who's you taste them
Actually his they do taste similar but mine is better it's more moist
His is gonna be Dax
You'll see
I even give you a choice man I'll give you a choice what you like you like bread crumbs or no bread crumbs?
I don't like bread crumbs but if you like bread crumbs I do it
Don't try to convince them before you ask them
I mean what would you like?
I'm not I you know I'm not generally big on mac and cheese
Really?
Are you serious?
Wow
Yeah I mean I like it alright
I'm glad I didn't make it I was gonna make it to that
I don't hate it it's just you know most of the time it's very basic and it's very I don't know
It's like I'm not five you know
That's Kraft mac and cheese
Yeah that's kids mac and cheese we're talking about baked with five different cheese
Now even if you're going all the way if you're going like shells with a good like smoked cheddar and you're doing it from scratch like that's a different thing
Matt that's the widest thing I've ever heard anybody say
Let me show them I want to show you
Why do you gotta bring race into it then?
We all know
I like Kraft I like Kraft they got one bright orange cheese and I'll fucking eat it dude
Kraft is good but you have to you have to eat it hot like right when you make it
Yeah I mean
If you save it it doesn't it doesn't do it
There's limited reheat value with mac and cheese
Yep
This is the mac and cheese this is the staple I'm telling you
That's what I thought
Baked
Yeah look at that cheesy goodness
I can throw down the baked mac yeah
Shit I got you
Alright we're gonna do it we're gonna do it Brandon we're gonna bring it there two big pans
Okay
And we want everybody to taste them
But I do get it
Fuck Brandon
Y'all are just like offering me free side dishes and being like
That's so wholesome are you guys Tim Walz?
It's more than just a side dish man that's mac and cheese
Eat the carbs
It's worth it though
But you know put some meat in there
No meat no meat I can't believe it
You don't put shit in mac and cheese but macaroni and fucking cheese
You don't fucks with the taco mac?
No man
You got the hamburger helper
Are you talking about like chili mac but taco version?
Yeah
I could be down with that
Yeah like do some ground beef with some taco seasoning or I like to do it with a tequila
Lime seasoning and then the part of the recipe that calls for milk do sour cream instead
And mix it with your mac add some extra shredded cheddar on top
I can get down with that
Get that melty on the top shelf of the oven
I could do this for you buffalo mac and cheese chicken
See I don't know how I feel about that
Nobody likes it
I like the taco one better I like that idea better
I've never had it but ground beef because it's almost like a chili mac
Who doesn't love a good chili mac?
Never had it
You never had chili mac?
Let me see what it looks like let me see a picture of it
It looks terrible I can't tell you right now
But it's delicious
But some of the best food looks really bad
Have you had Indian food? My god
I haven't tried that in 14 years I think
I fucking love Indian food
Says you dude
No that's me saying that
They used to serve this stuff at school man I remember that
But the school version doesn't have the right flavor
I gotta get the real version
That shit right there looks like some hamburger helper
I know that's what I thought y'all were talking about
Let's not hate on hamburger helper
Cheesy Italian shit
No let's hate on hamburger helper all day
You don't like hamburger helper?
Fuck no
Dude I literally just made something like meal prepped it for lunch
Okay that's not meal prep
Because it had a 60% extra in the box
And I was like well I'll just make this whole thing and then take it for lunch
How could I not? Is this economy?
Yeah that's not meal prep dude that's just poverty
People are poor dude
When you're here you're poverty
Who you telling dude?
Dude that's the gold right there
That's your favorite one?
Oh best ever
What's your favorite one?
Hamburger helper?
Yeah
Probably this one honestly
Really? I'm stroganoff dude
Stroganoff
Stroganoff with what you put
That hand looks like it's stroganoff
That's a stroganhand right there man
It's got the mouth and nose right there
It's so stupid but so good
The hand is one of the ingredients for the homemade pocket pussy with the Pringles can
Have you ever did that?
The hand is one of the ingredients for the hamburger helper now that the supreme court did what it did to the FDA
They dissed the FDA?
So one of the two, the lesser talked about of the two decisions that the supreme court handed down on July 2nd
Was they basically neutered all federal agencies
So basically the courts which are really only supposed to be experts in matters of law
Can now be considered experts in every other field of science so they can shoot down
As a suit
Recommendations from any other important federal agency
Sorry not to bring down the mood here
But like, okay so like just last week testing found that 71 different drinking supply
Like public drinking supplies in the state of Alabama were contaminated with a higher than FDA allowed level of forever chemicals
That cause stuff like liver cancer, kidney failure
That's facts, drink the water at Planet Fitness, you'll have a sore throat
I have for four weeks, I don't have insurance
So like three or four months ago too, our state legislature passed, basically approved that all of our coal waste
Would be dumped in our lakes and rivers
And then the FDA stepped in and said, whoa, whoa, you can't do that
You know, thank you FDA, but what the supreme court just did is going to remove
Those agencies abilities to protect us from greedy decisions made by legislators with fucking companies in their back pockets
And it's scary
I got a fucking letter in the mail about four years ago that told me not to drink the fucking city water anymore
So Ogre just said he got a letter in the mail about how long ago?
Four years ago tell him not to drink the water because he had a kidney transplant
So that means buy bottled water
And also this is fucked up because our ingredients are so much different
What? Are bottled water not shit either?
What are we doing?
Well with the FDA being neutered, it's about to be nothing you consume is safe
Let me tell you something about water
I didn't know it was a thing that had minerals
Listen, I didn't know it had minerals and shit in it
Because they call me the R word
Republican?
No, no, no
Retarded
I'm sorry, I'm going to be honest
Well he can say it
But when I was in Afghanistan
When I was in Afghanistan they had water
Doubt it
It would be bottled water but it didn't hold in your system
You would instantly piss it out
You didn't hold any other minerals in there
And you would be so thirsty no matter if you drank ten bottles of water it would run right through you
It was Coca-Cola
Dasani
They had Coca-Cola and Nestle
Nestle is a piece of shit company dude
They are, they wanted to hold a trademark on rainwater
The CEO he was like we should own the rainwater
I can't own rainwater
Dude it falls from the fucking sky man
You can't own that
You know what I'm saying? You can't do that
Surf, get the fuck out of there
Well I mean in another point in time we would also say that corporations aren't people and therefore can't donate on the level that an individual can to a political campaign
But the world is getting crazier you know
Oh it's horrible
You know on a brighter note though I'm part time at Publix and they just gave me dental insurance
They did?
Yeah
Fuck yeah dude
You get that clean in baby
They said you got October 1st till like 29th I think so I'm hitting it
You got 4 weeks of dental insurance
They told you you only have 4 weeks
So go ahead and get that root canal
No if you don't sign up you're fucked
Like you got to sign up so I'm getting my root canal it's been 3 years
Brandon, you need help?
I've been needing this since like what? COVID
And you eat candy?
Oh man dude I can't stop
This is just like the CIA in the 80s dude
You need to get a healthcare marketplace dude
You need that
No what is this?
That's Obamacare basically
Medicaid! It's the only way I get any sort of fucking healthcare
Wait that's what I have dude
healthcare.gov
People say Obama didn't do shit but that was huge
That and the body cams
I remember being
You want to know the crazy thing too
Because again I was a big politico around that time
So that plan is not the one that we initially wanted from the left
Because we wanted especially like a single payer system
Or something similar to that
Actual universal healthcare
But the plan that got instituted
The Republicans shit on all over the time now
Actually came from the Republicans
Like that was our compromise
And it's modeled after the same system of healthcare that Mitt Romney passed
In his state so
Short term memory people
It's hard when you have five wives
He had five wives? Man dang
He's a Mormon. I don't know if he did but
You say Mormon? That's part of it?
That's why he had five wives?
That was the Republicans idea of diversity
What's to run a Mormon
That's crazy
Wait so if you're a Mormon you have like five wives
You also get your own family
You also get your own planet
No he's not
No
Brandon you get a whole planet
You said a whole planet?
We'll cut out the five wives just the planet
Just like any religion you have your orthodox and then you have your more mainstream
The mainstream Mormons don't do the polygamous marriage
That's very much like mostly a small sect of them in Utah at this point
But you can get a show on TLC
Hell yeah
When you want to do that you can have five wives
You get your own fucking planet
What are you talking about
You are cursed just because of who you are
The Mormons didn't let black people in until it was an alarmingly recent time
The 70s
You said seven years
Are you a nickel?
It was around the same time Morgan Freeman had those really good cigarette commercials
He had cigarette commercials?
Shit yeah
Please look that up
And they were like black power energy too
I forget the name of the brands but
Back in the 70s
Black and long cigarettes yeah
Stay strong or stay black
I'm so far in the past 20 years
Yeah son
Granddaddy did good
Daddy did better
So why am I still smoking these short white cigarettes
Short white cigarettes
Yeah
Are you fucking okay dude?
Uh huh
Yeah son
Uh huh
That's real good my man
That's smooth
We've marched a long way
Stay black
Stay strong
Stay black and long
That's the best thing I've ever seen
Stay black and long
Hell yeah
Well that tells me that you've also never seen the Flintstones cigarette commercials
No
Or Winston
But I found out that was a skit
That's a skit
That's a skit right there
You didn't know about that?
Just like Santa Claus it's not real man
No no the Flintstones had real Winston
Which one are you talking about is not real?
It said that it's a Freddie Lockhart skit
I'm not sure
Oh
I don't know who Freddie is
He said I'm not sure though
Oh
No no that's real
That's real
When someone says I'm not sure you probably shouldn't take it as
Canon
Cause I've seen them all
Look at the second result
Let me right here
Yeah
Yeah let's see let me see
Well I mean don't like actually watch it cause it's the same thing
I meant like look at the description
See the one that said I can't believe people think it's real
The brilliant satire
If it is satire it's just pure
I mean it's perfect though
It is perfect
Did they get me?
They got you it's Freddie Lockhart let me see who Freddie is
Freddie Fingers?
Freddie Gottfinger?
Freddie Gottfingers?
Nah let's see wait who is Freddie Gottfingers?
That looks like Fousey too
That does look like Fousey
Look at that boy alone
Oh he's a comedian
He also looks way younger than that
But you remember you remember what was his name Morgan?
What was his name Morgan Freeman in the 70's for real when he did that PBS show?
The electric company
Yep the electric man you remember?
That's still coming on now
That was the 80's wasn't it?
Like the late 70's through the 80's?
That was during my childhood as well
They had like a revamped version
Yeah Brandon you should remember this man
Let's see electric company
So we got the two old
Motherfucker that was reading Rainbow
Racist
Oh yeah you talking about this right here?
That's the village people
That's Thelonious Monk
Morgan looking cool as hell man
He still looks exactly the same
Actually he does just black hair
That's your favorite comic in there
Where?
Jim Brewer
Jim Brewer?
No I'm talking about Bill Cosby
Oh dope
Alright Matthew right now this is the end of the podcast you can see by that ghostly Muhammad Ali over there
What you gonna do now?
Say anything you got coming up all of your socials for anybody listening
And we'll have it on the side of you right here
Man there's so many things in these notes we didn't even get to
That's good that means that it was just natural
It means they were really good man
It means you'll have to have me back on
See look at that
Yes we do
Yeah I don't really have a lot coming up
I'm gonna be hanging out at the pool you know
Probably playing some more vidya games
I like playing vidya games we didn't talk about that
Oh man
Yeah I was looking at doing like another album
But I need somebody to do the recording and mastering for me
And yeah job opening
There's a couple of ages around here
Huh?
What's that?
Go ahead
No I do want to record another album
I've got the material in the back pocket
It's just an issue of getting somebody to do the recording and mixing
Yeah I'll be doing a show this coming Wednesday
But it's a private show so nobody can come
Socials
Oh yeah plug my socials
Yeah I'm on X
I'm actually suspended from there right now
From the app formerly known as Twitter
Because I told JK Rowling she should do the world a favor
And go lick the black mold out of her closet
So find me not on there because I'm suspended
I'm on YouTube at youtube.com
Watch question mark V equals sign capital W lowercase y
That's how it print out
YouTube at the Tateful
I'm on IMDB I don't know I'm on the things
Just look up Matthew Tate
Look up Matthew Tate on wherever you listen specifically
Hell yeah
Spotify, Apple all that
He's out there for hilarious albums
Thank you for coming on
Thank you Matthew
See you next week
For the same