This week on Clown College.
Hello.
What up, this is Charleston.
Hello.
What up, Charleston?
What's up?
Man, shit, chillin', man.
Look, man, our college, I got a group of guys, I got a group of my partners, man.
Listen, I'm at Clown Community College, bro, and we want y'all there.
We wanted to see what it'd take to get you on the podcast, man.
I'm gonna shoot you my manager number.
I bet.
Man, they sitting there listening to you now, man.
It's a mixed group of guys, man.
They love you, bro.
I bet.
I'm finna shoot you my manager number now.
I bet.
All right.
This is the best day of my life.
Oh, boy!
This is the best day of my life.
Oh, shit!
That's crazy, man.
That's what we needed, dude.
Where at it?
I told you, bro, I got you connected.
What you just know, Hill?
Y'all know him.
Welcome to Clown College.
We have profound knowledge.
In many ways, the elevator make you sound polished.
So if you want to hear a little honest, a few takes on the ways to make it as a comic,
then stick around for a while to fit down to Clown.
We got the guests right now just to show you how.
Let's all go to Clown College, baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Conn, and JJ.
Let's all go to Clown College, baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Conn, and JJ.
Let's all go to Clown College, baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Conn, and JJ.
Let's all go
I shouldn't be a pussy dude.
Yeah man, they getting in your ears.
They gonna get in your ears regardless.
Well let's not.
Okay well yeah let's not think that.
You know what I mean.
That wasn't comforting Brandon.
No that was yeah that actually creeped my ass out too.
There you go out.
Now it's on.
Damn.
Sorry.
It's all right Brandon.
Damn Brandon.
I still love you.
So why you guys scared of Spider?
Dude, there was a fucking behemoth.
Tarantula as Brandon described it in here.
That thing was fat bro.
We can throw up the picture right?
Wetland wolf spider.
Yeah the giant wolf spider dude.
Yeah dude like Brandon came in he was like whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Oh yeah man I freaked out.
Look at that thing.
Cause I almost stepped on it.
I just looked down and I was like oh hold on damn.
Hey hey Tarantula.
Yeah right there in the hand.
You got a tarantula in this bitch.
That's what it was.
That's terrifying.
Yeah.
Terrific.
I ain't gonna lie it took me back a little bit.
Cause I'm not really scared of spiders
but that motherfucker was just sitting there.
Luckily we put a cup over it
and because I accidentally hit the back of it
and all it's babies started running out.
So I had to spray right there, sprayed all the babies
and then we gassed them out in the cup.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Really good.
He stayed alive for a long time.
Oh yeah.
He was running around in there for like five minutes.
Yeah.
Which is too long.
Yeah yeah.
Too long.
Too long for how much spray we put under that cup.
A decent amount of spray.
Like a good amount.
Dude like probably 30 seconds of spray.
Oh yeah.
It's big fact.
Multiple times too.
Cause it kept on moving around.
She was like I'm gonna die.
Yeah it kept on moving around.
I was like I'm gonna die.
Dude like a thousand times you're like
I'm gonna die.
Like I'm gonna die.
Like a thousand times.
Yeah.
It's like a thousand times.
Yeah.
Because it kept on moving around.
I didn't want to open the thing up and it just ran away.
That's a shame.
Imagine if you didn't have the cup.
You know how many times you would have got bit before that thing just fell over?
Oh, well, if I'd have stepped on it, like just regular stepped on it,
all those fucking babies would have, I mean, there's no way I could have contained them.
No.
No, it was too many.
There would not have been a podcast.
I would have left.
We would have had to record and like, you know, a McDonald's or something.
I don't know, dude.
The library.
I don't even know where the fuck you go, dude.
I would have been lost.
That was 40 years.
That was bad.
Yeah, it was rowdy.
It got us a good jump since we came in.
Hell yeah.
It woke you up, dude.
Like smelling salts.
Yeah.
We need to get those.
Yes, we should.
Brandon, order those right now.
I want to see how much they cost.
I'll give you my card number live on the podcast.
Yeah, we'll do it.
Dude, hold on, because that seems cool.
What kind of fucking ad was that?
That seems cool.
Let's see.
Let's get the 21 dollars.
21 right here?
Let's see where you get.
Is there any on Amazon?
Oh, why is that 162?
Amazon.
Yeah, that's better.
I don't know.
Just not no random dude named Ted or something.
What?
Biden dropped out.
No.
Stop joking with me.
Biden dropped out of the election.
Biden just dropped out of the election.
Who's going to be the Democratic nominee?
I don't know.
This is live, dude.
What the hell?
Newsome, maybe.
Jack just texted me or something.
He just pulled out.
What?
Biden dropped out.
Four, three minutes ago.
Damn, man.
Dryden just pulls out.
Because he fucking has dementia.
He had to go.
Damn.
What?
They don't have a chance of winning now.
They don't have a chance.
Who's it going to be, dude?
I don't think they know yet.
Man, Hawk Hogan comes out, scares the shit out of the office.
Man, what the fuck?
Man, dude, you understand.
My gosh, dude.
That was crazy, man.
When he came out there, ripped that shirt.
I'm not a Trump fan, but.
Did you see that dumb when Hawk Hogan came out?
I saw the Twitter post where it's like, we're almost at, idiotic.
Yes, it would have had Terry Crews.
We're almost.
There ain't no almost.
OK, so Trump's going to be the president for sure.
Oh, no.
Yeah, no doubt.
He pretty much had it in the bag after.
You know.
Hawk Hogan?
He bossed up.
No, not Hawk Hogan.
I don't think that.
I don't think having a guy who said the N-word during a sex
tape.
Oh, yeah.
That's bad, man.
Not great.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Actually.
Oh, shit.
Damn.
But they don't have a chance now because incumbent president
has the best chance of winning by far in history.
And now people were even if they thought he was old and all that shit,
they didn't like he's safe.
Now they don't have a chance.
I don't give a fuck who they put up there.
It's good.
It's in November.
You think he's going to be Kamala Harris?
I don't think they like her either.
You can't she will get demolished.
Oh, yeah.
Really?
But who are you going to put up against him?
You Nancy Pelosi?
You want to know the only real you know, the only real person who
could go up right now and have a chance.
Who?
Hillary Clinton.
It's the only one.
It's the comeback of the.
It's because it's you know, Hillary, you know, she says some things
and she was right.
But when then and then he got president.
Right.
And then everybody's like, damn, we should have just voted for Hillary.
But people didn't like her.
But now I mean, who else?
Who else has the name?
Who else can can fire back with them?
Obama.
Yeah, Obama can run.
But it turns over.
You know, it would have to be somebody like that, which, you know, Kanye West, dude.
I mean, you know, he actually might be actually might.
I mean, he would we would be in a nuclear Holocaust after that.
But, you know, drag it out.
It's amazing.
Huh?
It would have sounded.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Could you imagine the music that you go out to whenever you're about to die?
The Rock is about to hit.
He's going to have a banger on there.
You playing flashing lights while you're getting.
Man.
Lights.
I ain't dead, man.
It's so good.
Oh, man.
I can't believe this is wild.
Hold on.
Let's see.
I can read it for you if you want.
Yeah, let's do that.
Hold on.
Rather than Biden has decided he will end his reelection campaign, he said, in a statement
released Sunday, a decision certain to send shock where.
Oh, shit.
Where?
Where, dude?
It's a smaller one.
Oh, that is crazy.
Oh, man.
There's a lot of them in here.
I'm sorry.
I moved this camera.
Hold on, man.
My bad.
I'm overstimulated, man.
It's the same one.
You're safe, Brandon.
I'll let you know, dude.
It's moving this way.
Tell me.
I got you, man.
A spider pops up and almost bites us in the ass.
Dom, you got to call somebody, man.
You got to call Ghostbusters.
I got this one because we got to make sure.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, you can just grab that one.
That one's not that crazy.
I'm sorry.
Oh, Brandon, run!
Oh, shit.
Oh, damn.
Hold on.
Oh, man.
That one was quick, bro.
Oh, man.
Oh, my gosh, dude.
I'm going to cry.
Yeah, let's just get him.
Hang on.
Damn it, motherfucker.
I got to kill them.
I'm going to exterminate this.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
You got to call the authorities.
Jesus.
He was going that way, dude.
This is the apocalypse, man.
Fucking biting rocks out there and plagues.
It's the fourth spider I've dealt with today.
That spider raced us to hell.
Well, dude, probably in the hundreds,
if you want to count all the babies that came off that fat ass.
That was probably a teenager from early.
He probably came looking for his daddy.
Oh, yeah.
And then he saw me and he was like, I'm going to black on black crime,
kill this motherfucker.
That motherfucker almost got away, too.
He almost did.
Came straight this way.
Man, I'm glad you all got him, man.
That's the least my word.
Dude, the fact that you got that spider, I appreciate it, man.
Dom, you're old enough to run, dude.
Why don't you do it?
I'd be eliminated.
Democratic nominee.
They're just going to bring up one clip.
And I'm over with.
I'm over with.
What type of clip?
Where you're like, Hitler wasn't that bad.
Yeah.
Literally.
Oh, really?
I'll insert a break.
Dude, shit, you might be Trump's vice president.
Oh, man, that'd be crazy.
What I really meant was like trying to explain that.
Metaphorically.
Yeah, I'm saying he did bad things.
There's no denying that.
Oh, hell yeah.
Horrible.
I just think I don't know why this pops up on my news,
my Twitter feed, but like Hitler in a Cape, they were like,
you got to admit Hitler had aura.
That's what the post said.
You want to see a picture of Hitler in a Cape?
That's very Gen Z.
It's probably a Gen Z thing.
The whole aura thing, I hate that, dude.
Let's see if you can.
That's so lame, bro.
Hitler in Cape, dude.
In a Cape like Darth Vader, huh?
Just like Darth Vader.
I mean, look at that.
Look at that right there.
Hold on, here's a better one.
Look at that.
Oh, we posing.
What's it do?
Whose face should I insert over Hitler?
Yeah.
We know.
We know who it is.
Oh, snap.
A color picture of it.
There we go.
See that?
Hey, them boys was fresh.
Boy, your boys was fresh, though.
Louis Vuitton and Versace made their uniforms.
Really?
Yeah.
I see.
Y'all still wearing that shit.
We just cut that out.
Damn.
I like how we pull a pillow right when we're talking about Joe Biden.
This is what to expect.
So who you guys voting for?
Not me.
Can't.
I don't know.
I only know about two people, man.
Yeah.
Biden and Trump.
Biden's out now.
So are you going to vote for anybody?
So are you voting for the Democratic nominee or the Republican?
I'm going to sit out this one.
Because I don't know.
I don't see any good options right now.
Well, there might be a good option.
Yeah, we don't know who's going to win.
Oh, I mean, if somebody pops up, like you said, what, Hillary Clinton?
Bernie Sanders?
I don't know.
He's too old, man.
Yeah.
Bernie, is he just as old as Biden?
He's in his 80s.
Oh, damn.
Gotta be.
He's more spry, though.
He was on Joe Rogan.
That bird landed on his podium that one time.
That was cool.
That's aura.
Yeah, that's a war back because a bird landed on your podium.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was cool.
That way cooler than Joe Biden falling over.
Or it's like shine.
That's like shine.
Who?
Or like that's like what you put off.
That's your vibe.
Your energy.
You shine.
Oh, yeah, man.
What's your aura?
Sweat.
I don't know.
How do you define an aura?
What a philosophical.
This episode is going off the rails.
I was like, how does that even work?
The aura?
How do you describe it?
Yes.
Yeah.
How do you describe it?
What do you bleed out?
What comes off of you whenever somebody meets you?
Yeah, that's a good ass.
I mean, I mean, sweat, anxiety, overwhelming autism.
Yeah.
Movie dates.
Make them laugh.
Funny humor.
Yeah.
I think you come off as sweet, green and funny.
That's it.
Sweet, green, funny.
Yeah.
Sweet, green and funny.
But you know, that begs the question, who are you, man?
Are you who you think you are?
Are you how other people perceive you?
Are you defined by your own actions?
You know, sometimes I never really know if we really think about it.
Do we ever know this?
No.
Do we?
That's what this universe is about.
Not really knowing and just finding out.
Fucking around and finding out.
Exactly.
Because you can't go into space and find out.
You're going to fuck up and die and blow up.
You can't even go into the ocean.
How do we get to space?
You go to the ocean.
You're going to die and fall and blow up.
You can die on the ocean.
Hold on.
You got to go to the ocean and fall and die and blow up?
If you go deep enough, because you remember what happened with the submarine.
You just blow up.
Implode.
Eyes come out and shit.
Fucked up.
The pressure.
Yeah.
Did you see when they like catch deep sea creatures on like a charter fishing boat
and they reel them up real fast and they're like fucking exploded?
Their eyes are like, it's really sad, but I don't laugh.
Hopefully we see that on Twitter sometime, right?
You know, some exploding fish.
I don't know.
You still on the Twitter?
You got off of it?
No, I mean, I still hop on there to see what's up, but not really.
Like I used to.
I mean, it's still good stuff on there to watch.
It's not good for your soul.
It's not.
It makes you, it's like armor, I guess.
You know, shine.
So when you see it, you're like, okay, that happened.
Have y'all seen the video?
It was going viral on Twitter like a week ago where there are women in the Dollar General
and she's filming the guy and he's running out and she's like, he just nutted on my leg.
Oh yeah.
I saw that.
Yes.
He like jerked off on her leg and ran out the store and they still can't find him.
Yes.
And oh dude, it was so fucked up because all the replies were like, why the fuck is she crying?
Like they were angry at her.
Why they angry at her?
She just got, huh?
You mean search this up?
Yeah.
Okay.
Dude, girl's leg at the grocery store.
Dollar tree.
Probably ejaculate.
It's going to turn into the Bryson Sci-Fi show.
Let's see.
Wee Chit Show.
Oh my gosh.
Look, look, look at this.
Look at his shirt.
It's not going to look, it's not going to look itself.
Oh my God.
Now why would Jeremiah Cotton do that?
I like, look, look how they got.
Why would they blur it out?
Go back, go back to that picture, dude.
Right here.
Oh, this one?
The one you just saw.
Damn.
All right.
Yeah.
I like how they circled his hairline in.
Oh, shit.
Hold on.
Let me figure out.
They was like, any nigga with a cut like this will definitely do some devious shit.
I'm fucked then, right?
The cadesta.
You're defined by your own actions.
You don't have to do that.
Yeah.
I'm saved.
This man got the blade haircut, though.
Oh, hold on, hold on.
And he's a, what is it?
Philadelphia Eagles.
That's what's.
It's EDP's brother, dude.
Oh, damn.
I can't believe he's so happy, too.
Why do they got nutting in quotation marks?
What the kids refer to as nutting.
She took a picture of it?
Man.
No, she was videoing it.
Oh.
That's when she's outside and she's filming him run away and she's crying and she's like,
you got it on my leg.
Damn.
It's really fucked up.
I'm just surprised how they blurred it out.
At the Dollar Tree.
They say all publicity is good publicity, but I don't know.
I mean, if you go to Dollar Tree, dude.
It's always a gamble.
You never know.
It's part of the game, dude.
Did you see that the Dollar Tree in Huntsville, one of my coworkers was telling me about this.
They just got in trouble because they were scratching the dates off the milk
and people were getting sick.
No way.
Yeah.
Oh, was it Sparkman?
Like the one there Sparkman?
I don't know.
I think it's the one on university.
I don't know for sure, but I did.
They were like scratching the expiration dates off the milk.
That's crazy.
Or putting different ones on there.
They have milk at Dollar Tree?
Oh, yeah.
And steak.
You can get a real steak from there.
Shut the fuck up.
I'm dead serious.
You can get meat.
No, I'm serious.
They got like, hold on.
Let me show you Dollar Tree steak.
I will never buy it, but I've watched a man eat it.
Who would you watch eat it?
Oh, somebody on YouTube.
Yeah.
Dude.
Wolf Pit.
Holy shit.
I love you so much.
Love you too, man.
I love you too very much.
You okay?
Look at this.
Look at that.
There's no way that's real.
Okay.
Why the fuck is it in like a fishing bait bag?
That's what it looked like.
Oh, hold on.
Here's a better.
That does not look good at all.
I'm not happy about it.
Brown and green.
You can't eat steak from there.
And this is how it ends up.
Look, he just get that little.
Some sardines.
It looks like a really fancy restaurant.
Damn, man.
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
He did it right, though.
No, he didn't.
Dude, I'm not.
I'm not.
You can't eat that.
Oh, I would never.
I can't believe this is real.
Next week, we're going to eat.
Why don't everybody?
It's like a class party.
Everybody can have half a bite of steak.
Dollar steak is crazy.
They put Sharpie as the grill marks on this.
It's so gross.
That's fucked up, man.
You got to cook it like motor oil.
It's going to be good, man.
I used to have milk from the Dollar Tree.
I would get their birthday cake milk, man.
They have.
Yeah, it's really good.
If you ever go there, I would still recommend that to anybody.
So you won't eat steak, but you drink milk.
That's birthday cake flavored from the Dollar Tree.
It's amazing.
Birthday cake milk.
Dude, at lunch for I went to Dollar General and got Hot Pockets, right?
What the fuck?
Actually, I'm actually a man.
I've seen this brand before.
They sell it at Subway, dude.
Exactly.
For real?
Yeah.
It's all right.
Subway's going down.
It's going down bad.
It started a while ago.
Yeah.
Six dollar, six inch Jared.
I don't know which is worse.
Once Jared left, it all went downhill.
Exactly, man.
I remember being a kid.
No, fuck Jared.
You fucked Jared.
I was just joking.
But you liked him as a kid?
Other kids did, too.
Of course, because before you knew, you didn't know shit.
You were like, man, this is Jared, dude.
Then when you find out, you're like, well, fuck him.
If we found out Brandon met Jared from Subway, dude,
I mean, that would make my life.
There would be nothing that would make me happier than that.
I mean, you met Magic Johnson.
I mean, Jared's not out of the realm.
If you can meet Magic Johnson, dude, you can meet anybody.
I believe so.
Jake the Snake Robertson next, man.
That's next?
Yes.
I'm trying to get something set up.
It's harder than you would think to get a hold of Jake the Snake Robertson.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
You got to meet fucking, you know.
What, Kane first?
Now, Kane you could meet.
Kane, he's the mayor of Knoxville, Tennessee right now.
Oh shit.
He's the mayor of fucking Knoxville, Tennessee?
Yeah, dude.
And somebody we know banged his daughter.
Can you say, can't say it?
I'll bleep it out.
Okay.
Banged Kane's daughter.
He told me one time.
Oh shit.
I wonder.
Yeah, bleep that whole thing.
I wonder how big is Kane's daughter.
She's adopted.
Oh, okay.
Oh, let's see if we can find a picture.
No, I was saying like tall.
You see Brock Lesnar's daughter?
How tall is Kane?
Oh my God.
Brock Lesnar's daughter looks just like him.
Look at, oh my gosh, bro.
Yes.
Wait.
But here's Kane's daughter right here.
Okay.
I don't know if that's the one, you know, but look up the girl that you remember.
Look up, I don't know what team.
I think it might be like the cheerleading team at Baylor.
The video that girl I sent you on Instagram.
Naomi?
Are you talking about wrestling?
No, no, this is college.
Like the girl that plays for Baylor, like a Baylor volleyball maybe.
Dude.
Just look.
Okay.
Just look.
I sent you a video a while back, but.
Right here?
Current roster.
Okay.
Current roster.
I'm trying to be nice about how we looked this up, dude.
Any of these?
No, you'll know.
Okay.
Click on the NCAA right there.
Maybe.
No, put like, what are they?
Pull them up and see if it's a screw to scroll through.
Yeah, just go to all.
Okay.
And actually look at the roster.
Yeah, right there, right there.
Let's see.
They probably got pictures.
She looks like a one piece character.
Close.
Come on.
There we go.
All right.
Tell them when to stop.
Brandon, you'll know.
You'll know, dude.
Damn.
It has to be the one without the photo, right?
Yeah, imagine.
It will be like three times larger.
Hold on.
Wait, you see.
I thought you were saying.
Oh, now I know who you're talking about.
Dude, she looks.
She's a legit, literal anime character, like crazy.
It's not.
I have a feeling it's not going to be on here.
Damn it.
Why is he blocking them all up?
Put what you want to put in.
How you describe her.
Hideous.
Okay, ugly volleyball.
What?
Ugly Baylor.
I wouldn't describe her as ugly, but other people would.
It's a unique build.
Yeah.
Go to images.
File civil lawsuit.
All right.
All right, here we go.
That's not.
Is that Dwayne Wade?
Where?
No, that's not Dwayne Wade.
This might be a lot.
One day.
With more ugly allegations.
What?
Remember us for one day.
No, on the thing that keeps on popping up.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
We've covered a lot of ground.
Yeah, dude, we jumped.
We jumped around a lot.
Well, that's okay.
She's this is a lost cause.
We'll just take this.
Remember my.
Just cut this.
Cut the part where I said hideous.
Is it with a bomb at a bullet?
So I guess we're I think as a clown college, we just should make sure on this episode,
we let everybody know Mike sales episode that we're pledging for Trump 2024.
Yeah.
Brandon believes it.
No, he told me off camera.
He did.
He was.
He now Hulk Hogan was cool as shit.
Look at this, man.
We pulled up and ripped this shit off and made me think of 1984.
But when I'm and not today, I'm still not voting for him because, man, he got that flying.
What is that thing called?
The flying knee.
Perfect.
And then Donald Trump, he can't lose.
You make him lose.
He's going to fire you.
Okay.
I believe I don't.
On paper, Brandon is the biggest Republican.
Oh, yeah.
Jim Brewer.
Jim Brewer is his favorite.
Come on.
Was the other thing, dude.
What Hulk Hogan Hulk Hogan at the RNC.
Yeah.
That's wrestling.
You know, just rest.
But that's that's two people who are hardcore Trumpers and you love him.
Jim Brewer was.
See, that's why I know you didn't know one of his jokes, but I've never seen Brandon laugh harder.
And the giggle on you, it was worth everything that we were there.
Just he was just like, ah, Brandon's expression was just the way the dude moves.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Possessed by the funny dude by something crazy.
By the funny bone.
Exactly. By the funny bone demon.
Mm hmm.
That's crazy.
Oh, shit.
Where are we at?
What time we are?
24 minutes.
Oh, yeah.
We have to cut 17 of those minutes.
We got cut by four minutes.
That's right on time.
All right.
We got Mike sales coming up.
Mr. Sales.
Mr. Sales himself, the most famous person in Huntsville.
Presidential barber.
Bang, bang, gang, gang.
Cut, cut.
Wait, he can't be the most famous person in Huntsville, dude.
Matthew Lumbra lives here.
That is true.
Oh, yeah.
That is true.
Teen Pop sensation.
Teen Pop.
Hell yeah.
I said Teen Pop sensation bringing Lumbra up.
He hates it.
And everybody in the crowd went, damn.
But that's what happens every time.
Yeah.
That's why I love it so much.
He hates it with his whole heart.
And it brings me joy that I just can't describe in words, man.
It's a good man.
I love that he hates it.
Oh, Lumbra.
We're also me, Lumbra, and we need one.
I don't know who our other teammate was.
Oh, me, Lumbra, and Blake Russell.
Yeah.
Where's you?
I don't know who you guys' other teammate is.
Me, Brandon, and somebody to be determined.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
We'll find somebody.
God Eason said he'll play.
He can be on our team.
I swear he said he'll play.
He said he can beat me, too, which I think I don't think he can.
I'm just scared he might hit Brandon out of anger.
That is possible.
For sure.
You will get yelled at without a doubt.
That's when you got to come back your butt.
Well, I don't know.
You're the best.
Brandon's the best.
Defense, just defense, and inside shot.
And layups.
You say you're best at defense.
Defense and layups when you got two other teammates is perfect.
You know what they call Brandon on the court, dude?
What's that?
The spider.
Because it's like he's got eight arms.
Hey.
Blocking all your shots, dude.
Yeah, them blocks, man.
Locked down.
Hell to the air.
Breakouts, right?
That's what they play.
It's a brick.
The house when I'm out there, man.
A brick house is not what you want to be embattled on.
Not with the shots.
I'm talking about defense.
Defense.
But the shots, they're like, he's not a brick house, man.
They call him the wall because he supports Trump, and he stops everybody from being embattled.
No, no, no, no, no.
I like this new angle.
If Brandon has a...
Brandon doesn't support 2024.
We'll get you a MAGA hat, dude.
We will get you.
Absolutely, we'll get you a MAGA hat.
Bright red.
I'm good.
And if not, Alex will Photoshop you into one.
And we'll have that imagery ready to go.
Damn.
Make it a too small hat, too.
Brandon, Brandon, let's end on this, all right?
Brandon, please give a message to the people watching the podcast at home.
Give them some advice for these uncertain times, this election coming up.
Joe Biden just dropped out.
Trump's running.
We don't know who the other guy or the other guy is going to be.
They got the best chance Hillary Clinton will say that.
I mean, just sit back, relax, and smoke some weed if you do that.
Just sit through it.
And that's all we can do because I don't know who to tell you to pick
because I don't know anything about this.
Except that Trump and Biden, now Biden's gone, so we just got Trump here.
So I don't know.
I don't know none of this.
I need to do some research and figure it out.
Words are led by.
Yes.
By Brandon Willis.
That wasn't very comforting, but I like it.
Just relax.
It's all right.
I'll pat you on the shoulder.
All right.
This week's featured comedian.
Shouts out to all the stubs that threw in every possible dick tonight.
Tonight.
Hell yeah.
Lots of voices.
Like I support my free.
I got a dyke stood gangsta ass free.
She was to Pakistan's.
Yeah, she called up that she said, listen, I got a situation going on.
No, I broke up with her.
Yeah, she fucking the Thunderbird.
That's somebody a little older than the cook.
I said, God damn it.
For the Thunderbird, whatever I said, what's going on?
She said, listen, you know, I'm not sure I'd be in.
I left my strap over to a crib because you can't get it for me.
I said, I said, OK, because I know she's shooting at niggas and shit all the time.
I get my mind again.
I said, I'm gonna pick it up because that's my friend.
I trust her.
I want to be safe.
I want to pick a strap.
It was a fucking strap.
I thought she was talking about.
It was a fucking white dick.
I was like, fuck you, black, white dick.
Oh, yeah, I was pissed.
I said, she's got a white dick.
I picked it up.
I was a bad fucking girl.
Like, yeah, she threw it at me.
I had to kick this shit.
So I get in the car.
She I ride on.
I said, I'm not taking this fucking dick to her in the condition that it was in when she
gave to me.
I thought it was a bitch in the street real quick.
I did go to drive.
I do in the street.
The car is trampling over, running over this shit.
I'm just sitting there watching this shit.
Do do do do.
Do do do do do do.
Do do do do do.
Woo.
I said, yeah, that's about enough.
I went and got it.
Took a picture of it.
Sent it to her.
Once in the barbershop, I said, you know, I went to the barbershop.
I just throw a dick in the floor.
Right in the hair.
Took a picture of it.
Sent it to her.
Played this shit.
Yeah.
But I sent it to her.
I said, listen, don't you ever in your life tell me to come pick up a strap for you?
Bitch, I think this shit, I started to use a strap.
I was like, fuck, I ran out of my agri-peels.
I'm 54, so my dick don't work all the time.
But when it does, I'm pounding.
But anyway, I fuck around with a strap.
Took it to her.
Balls and shit.
Tight.
Yes, I am.
My bad, dude.
Hell yeah.
I feel like I'm doing too much.
No, man, no.
This is the kind of energy we need.
Hell yeah.
This the energy we need.
You gotta spice it up.
Hell yeah.
Shit, y'all.
Niggas need me.
I need them too.
Hell yeah.
How was Saturday?
Sounded good.
Can you pin that up?
It's a pin right there under the TV.
Like right in front of it.
You see that little plastic container?
Oh shit, hold up.
My throat's scratchy.
Hold up.
For the niggas who we think we saw, we don't.
This nigga coming down with COVID.
No, no, no.
First Biden, now you.
Basically the same person.
Both same level of mental awareness.
We're back to the funk jam.
Don't do it in the hole, though.
You gotta make a new one.
You gotta waller it out.
Waller.
That's definitely an old white person saying.
My favorite is by jingo, dude.
It's a deep pull, man.
By jingo.
I never heard that one.
It's a deep cut.
Like flabbergast, kinda.
No, but I like the enthusiasm.
That's a word.
Like by golly.
By golly, he is.
Almost like by jingo.
Just let him.
How's it look?
What's it say?
You ain't gotta stop talking, Mike.
Oh, I'm just focused like a motherfucker.
Don't be.
Just look. It's us talking.
We chillin'.
I feel like I gotta put this goddamn chapstick on.
That shit brought my eyes off.
Those glasses look like you can see in 4D, man.
Hell yeah.
I can, really.
Put chapstick on.
Because after that meal done cooking,
they make you lick your lips about five or six times a bite.
It was good.
What you need Publix for?
You just buy all the ingredients separately.
And take them home.
I'll show you how to make it, too.
I'm gonna show you how to make it.
I'll show you how to make it, too.
The deli stuff.
Brandon's got the sickness.
I don't know what's happening now.
When everybody's in the living room and they're sitting down,
that's all I heard.
I heard that all left to the right of behind me.
I heard this shit too.
Wow, damn.
Niggas drinking this shit. Water.
Water.
I like this ASMR.
That's a good one.
Mountain Dew and shit.
Mountain Dew type shit.
Muffin and burping and shit.
Getting their mind right in their body.
That honey hot sauce was good.
I told you, dog.
That hot honey, dog.
For whites, we have to do
one part hot honey,
three parts mayonnaise to
balance it out.
I'm gonna tell you how you know you got a good meal.
After you finish, you do this shit.
That's what I did.
Hey, JJ.
Yeah, what's going on? Who we got in the pod today, man?
Dude, today we have a fucking entrepreneur.
Oh, number one.
He's fucking famous. Most famous in Huntsville.
Non-surgical hair transplants
and remedies
and a hell of a good comedian.
Super cool guy. Today we have
Ten Stacks, aka Mike Sayles.
Hey!
Thanks for coming on, Big Mike.
Yeah, I appreciate y'all, man. I finally got
in this bitch. This bitch is hard.
It's like trying to get in the White House.
Hey, you here, baby.
You wore all white. Look, you showing
us up, man. Man, listen, I said,
man, first impression. You never get a second chance to make
a first impression. You never?
No, I said, I'm going all the way out
in this bitch.
You beat up Michael Buble and stole his suit.
Damn.
Hell yeah.
I just, that's how I think.
I said, I got a job interview to me.
Hey, that's aint no job. We chillin, dog.
We chillin. Grab you a happy dad.
Death row. Look, it's death row.
It ain't mean by that, you know what I'm saying? Y'all
some hood niggas, educated niggas
at the same time.
That's exactly
how I'd describe myself.
But I say it
with flavor though, because y'all have flavor too.
You got Alex,
you got JJ, you got Brandon,
yourself,
gentleman right here, man.
Jack.
That's our intel guy.
He got all the good shit on you, man.
I appreciate that. That's
good, man. I appreciate that.
I like that you go
out there and do it. So I heard this. Tell me if it's
true. I think JJ told me.
Your first time doing
stand up, you hosted a mic.
My first
time doing stand up, I did host a mic.
That's insane. Rockin Republic.
Yup, I did.
That was a good mic. I remember that.
I'm going to tell you something. Here's my perception
on things. I've been an entrepreneur
since I was like
17 years old.
I quit school,
bro, like in 11th grade,
because I was so fucking
ahead of my time.
When I say ahead of my time, I had a job as a barber.
I was making more than my mom and dad
when I was in high school. And that shit
just took me on a whole other
level, man. And I fucking around
and flunked out of school. But I got
my GED. I went back and got my GED.
Let's go. Where we at, Brandon?
Put that shit on there.
I mean, I get
to eat double.
That bitch was hard.
So from there, I said
in order for me to
make it, I got to go out there and make it myself.
Because being in a barbershop,
I network with people. But in the black community,
you don't know a lot of people
that's doing the level
of thinking that
I am on.
I say I am on.
No, you for real. That's real.
Because everybody works somewhere.
I used to tell people my dreams.
Man, you crazy, bro. Next thing you know,
I'm doing it. And they say, damn, you did it.
Hey, doing it hard.
I worked with somebody.
He just got hired. And we was
talking about when I asked you to come
on. He was like, you know Mike Sales?
You know who he is? Everybody
knows Mike Sales. He's a goddamn
legend. Oh, man. Born and raised
here, man. Born and raised.
How long you had the
shop, Mike's Presidential?
I'm going to tell you, the way I came up with
Mike and Bill's Presidential was in
1990.
September 1994.
1994
is when I started cutting.
It was 1994.
That I came up with. It was Mike
and Bill's barber shop then. My dad,
I worked for this guy
named Anderson Carroll. We used to call him Cat.
Anyway, Cat was one of the
barbers that trained a lot of young barbers
during my time, you know,
in the haircutting business. And
it's about seven to eight barbers that
worked with him. And we worked with Cat for about
12 years. And I stayed
with Cat. Cat ultimately passed
away. When he passed away, we were
all working for him. And my dad stepped
in and took over the shop for us.
He said, y'all can continue working.
I'll talk to the landlord and I'll keep y'all
guys working. So we stayed working.
And it was me and my dad's
shop. He gave me an opportunity to
learn how to be an entrepreneur. He had a
restaurant that was next door to the
barber shop. And I hit the barber
shop. So we stayed pumping,
man. We was doing it. It says 94,
still going. Hell yeah.
30 years now.
Looking at Mike, you probably didn't know he
was that old. Yeah.
You look like a young boy.
You got that youthful glow, man. I appreciate it, man.
54. 54, dog.
54. Hey, you look good,
man. And you still be like,
hey, we had a night
then. Man, I was so
fucked up the next day. I was
tired. I probably got two hours of sleep
and had to go cut some heads. I don't know how you
did it. When you told me you had to be up at
530, I knew you was looking. I was
looking back. I was like, you was looking like, get these motherfuckers
up out of my house. Man, the next
day at work, everybody got the business.
When I say got the
business, I have clients be joking around
with me. I was ready to fight the
ass. Because I was tired.
Little buzz, you know what I'm saying?
Niggas almost tore my house up and shit.
Who was that? That dude Lizard.
What's that? Lizard? Uncle Lazer?
Uncle Lazer. Man, that nigga was turning
flips and shit in the house. He's going to God
though. Jumped off the fucking couch and
landed on the floor.
Pitches fell off the wall and shit.
I'm really sorry my dad
did that.
Fucking, it
was a better one.
Dante was going live and shit on them
there. Dante did 30 minutes.
30 minutes. At least.
On the mic. Probably 40.
That shit was crazy. He hit them
rolling. Brandon was trying to get them up off
there. He was like, let me tell you all a story. Dante just kept
on coming in like, how about this?
Dante makes money on
TikTok Live though. For real?
That was sick. He'd be having people on there?
Because they'd show all making fun of him.
He had like 400 people on there the other day.
For real? Concurrent live viewers.
Damn. That's dope.
I looked in the kitchen during that night. I seen
Alex and fucking Brandon doing
the robot or some shit. I don't know what the fuck
they were doing. Damn. Their mother fucker was moving.
I mean, that was a good night.
Yeah, so after
Brandon left some encyclopedias and shit
in my house. Who the fuck was he saying?
Brandon.
Some Britannic encyclopedias and shit.
What the fuck did you... Which letter?
What letter did you leave over there, man?
What letter did I leave?
Letter. He talking about like the specific letter?
What are you talking about? Like the mailing letter?
Or the alphabet letter? Like alphabet letter.
Yeah, alphabetical order.
Yeah. Which one?
I guess B.
B is good.
B and then you got J and then you got W.
B, J, W.
Ah, that's better.
I wish I had that one instead.
I was just talking shit, man. I had fun.
It was cool.
Hell yeah. It was so crazy because like we went
to Incredible. Then they had the Stand Up Live
and Lazer did both of those shows.
And then Jake
calls me. I'm passing out flyers for Epic
with Scott. Jake calls me. He's like,
come to Mike's house and Uncle Lazer
and everybody over here. You have the whole
Birmingham crew, all of us.
It was a good time. We
chilled for a minute. Till two o'clock at your house.
Hell yeah. Man, I was wanting
to kill my fucking neighbor. He was roasting.
I wanted to jump in so bad.
Oh hell yeah. He was roasting
my wrong dog. I was like, goddamn
I want to get him.
Shit.
He was just saying like
paper machete. He was just saying shit that
don't make no sense.
Yeah, you was like, man, I ain't ready for this shit, bro.
We about to go.
But Mike, you remember that person that was swinging
until the morning time? Hell yeah.
She was swinging until, she swung
only until like eleven o'clock.
I believe she can pay for this shit.
She might have a TikTok.
That was crazy.
Dead Children's Playground.
That's the Dead Children's Playground
over there? Shit. Swings be moving and shit by
there. For real?
Because I've heard about it. It's a Huntsville thing.
I didn't know it was over there by your shop.
That's the Black Dead Children's Playground.
The real one's here
at Five Points. I've seen that.
The white one in Five Points.
That's in the middle of a graveyard
and shit. This one in the hood.
I'll take you if you want to go see it.
No, that's fine. You scared of that shit?
Yeah. You scared of haunted shit?
Me? Man, I seen the ghosts when I was young, bro.
You seen the ghosts? Hell yeah. It was my uncle.
Tell me about it.
Man, my uncle had passed away.
We were in the country. We live so far in the country.
Let me tell you about it. We was in the country
and my auntie and my uncle, they
lived like wearing no fucking light
set, street lights or nothing.
All you saw was moonlight. I was in the back room
asleep. And fuck.
I looked in the window,
man. I woke up and just looked in the
window. I swear to God,
I seen this nigga looking at me. He was standing right there
just looking. I
went right back under the covers. I said, shit.
You know, the covers save you when you see a ghost
in the street. That's true.
Yeah. There's some type of
force field that's around blankets
and sheets.
Did you ever
pick back up and see if it was still there?
No, I stayed up under that bitch. I was not looking back out
there. It was the moonlight
too and shit. I said, hell no.
I went to sleep.
Did you wake up under the covers still or was it
gone? I just woke up like normal
morning. I just
woke up. Do you remember my uncle last night?
His name was Uncle
Henry, by the way. Uncle Henry?
He was cool as hell man. He used to
always talk to us, let me ride on his
tractor and shit.
He owned a lot of land.
In fact, they still own that land. That land that
my uncle owned.
They still have it. Oh, that's what's up.
That shit worth good money now. And Madison
on Zurt Road. Oh, shit.
That's right here.
I mean, that's not the only one.
Down the way is right where Williams Elementary School is.
Right in the curb.
That's my family's land.
Hell yeah.
It's for sale too.
Promoted, tell them where they can buy that shit at.
I want 1.5 million for that land.
Yeah, I mean, that's what, I don't know,
that's high, but it's a good space.
It's 10 acres, and then she own 30 more.
You know, beside that, she's keeping that land though.
Oh yeah, she can get that for 10 acres in Madison.
For sure.
Something around there.
Yeah, Huntsville Madison's fuckin'-
Yeah, they'll build a car wash over there or something.
I mean, something.
Cause most houses are only on like.35 acres around here.
That's crazy.
And so, just think how many houses you can get.
Not even that, even smaller than that, just lots.
You know, like, I would say 100 by 75 feet lot,
you know what I'm saying?
100 in width, 75 in length.
Not even that, I mean, a small lot will cost you
some real, like, 100,000.
And in Madison it will, hell yeah.
Oh yeah, you're in the right neighborhood.
I will, you know.
Good credit.
Brandon had a question for you.
Oh yeah, so, you remember you told me back in the day
you used to do, like, what was it, breakdancing
back in the 80s?
Yeah, yeah.
Hell yeah, man.
Yeah, I got a video, I was doing some dancing and shit.
What?
It's on YouTube.
Go to YouTube.
Oh damn.
Hold on, what's it called?
Type in 10STACKSS.
Whoa, hold on, one more time?
10Stacks.
Oh, 10Stacks.
You're gonna trip Brandon up.
Yeah.
The letters, he only, he couldn't handle one earlier.
I used to be in a group called North Alabama Breaking Crew.
Get the fuck out of here.
Damn, yeah, I used to break things.
10Stacks.
You gotta go to YouTube, man.
Yeah, YouTube.
It was back in the 80s.
We used to dance in different venues and shit
they used to call us in.
Crashler, the corporation, had us come in one time
and do a dance session, what is it?
Indicator, the big water park, what is it?
Point Mallet?
Point Mallet, yeah, they had a big,
yeah, we did a little break out session.
You get around the cardboard and shit?
I used to spin on my head and shit, windmill.
Damn.
For real?
Hold my nuts and see what I was doing.
And you got a good one to spin on.
Yeah.
You don't wanna show him that.
My head?
Yeah, I'll show my head.
Come on, let him know.
Let him know we got.
Bam!
Hell yeah, gotcha.
Hell yeah, I touched up.
That boy's smooth.
Did you go to 10 Stacks?
Yeah, I started to sell 10 Stacks.
It's 2S.
2S is at the end.
Oh, 2S at the end.
Yeah.
But yeah, in fact, guess my mama was our manager.
My mom.
Oh shit.
Yeah.
So y'all, so they have that contract, y'all.
Go to the shorts.
All right, hold on, let me stop there.
The shorts.
Boy.
Okay, let me see.
That boy Mike.
Right here, the third video at the top.
Right here?
Yeah.
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh, let me turn it up.
Oh shit.
He, he, he.
What?
Is that a poopy shit on that?
We have beef and a.
Push it out, push it up.
Hey.
I know.
Back then, New Age, back then watching us.
I can't even say it.
But you mad for somebody putting up on you.
Right?
To shit.
Wanna value.
Not responsible, wanna.
Uh-uh.
Oh shit.
Uh-uh.
Hold on.
Check it out.
He got all out the camera.
That's how you know Mike O healed out the camera.
Shit, that's what you, we had,
that's the hand work right there.
Okay.
Yeah.
Chrysler paid you to do this in a water park?
Hell yeah, they paid me.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
They liked this shit.
This shit was just like.
Oh yeah.
What year was that?
This is 1985.
1985.
Oh, damn, that's before I was born.
Yeah, 1985.
15.
Calm down, Jack.
It was before I was born.
Hey, go to this one right here,
this bottom with the guy with the blue shirt.
The little boy.
Right there.
Yeah.
He just left the barbershop.
What are you doing here, shit?
Me and my shit crazy dude boy.
Hey.
We're gonna like you.
Hey.
That was my homeboy.
Don't give him the barbershop a promotion.
That was his.
Hell yeah.
Dude fucked his head up.
Oh.
That.
Oh, man.
I'm gonna go do some fucking shit.
But yeah.
I've been on YouTube too since 2009.
So I got a following.
Damn.
I got over, one of my videos got over 1.9 million views.
Damn.
Ooh.
That's awesome, dude.
Cause you changed people's lives with this shit.
Yeah, man.
It's what I love to do.
Mike, I went to school with your son, Anthony.
Yeah.
And this is something I distinctly remember.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Did y'all not have a reality show about y'all's lives?
We didn't, but I was always online
doing some crazy stuff with my family and my kids.
In fact, this video of me and Anthony right here,
the second row, fourth video.
That's eight, that's 13 right there.
So why do you remember that?
Because Anthony was telling me about it.
Really?
Yeah, he was telling me about it.
I thought it was a reality show.
It was filmed like a reality show, wasn't it?
It was sort of like that.
It was just me and my phone, man.
I just really caught hold to being on fire online
and I just was kind of like documenting parts
and portions of our family time.
So it was a reality show.
Yeah, it was.
It was probably the realest reality show.
Like this right here where he's edging up,
I'm edging him up there.
He was actually getting ready to do a,
he's an actor too.
He was getting ready to do a,
he was going to do a,
what is it when the filmmakers want you to come?
Oh, audition?
Audition, yeah.
He was going to audition.
Yeah, right there.
He's a very, he's a good actor.
Okay, he live here still?
Yeah, he lives here.
My son weird as shit though.
I saw him dressed up like Spider-Man.
Oh yeah, I remember you told me about that, Miles Morales.
Oh, he kind of look like he could pull off Miles Morales.
I call his ass Miles Per Hour.
You know what I'm saying?
Hell yeah, man.
Love him to death though.
Why you say he's weird, man?
See, he just, he's like his mama.
His mama, they weird, just strange.
Different people, I love both of them, but they weird.
I'm fucking weird too.
Me too, man.
No, you might.
I'm weird a little bit.
I'm gonna tell you, when I say weird,
I'm talking about like you'll be talking to him,
he act like he don't understand nothing you saying.
He just ignoring you like,
hey, I don't want to talk to you.
Yeah, just weird, just strange.
I might just be with you, man.
You got some funny,
do y'all got funny acting people in your family though?
Oh hell yeah.
Oh god damn.
Shit, he get drug addict.
I'm saying funny acting people, everybody got them.
He's one of them.
I didn't know, I think I'm one too.
He say you are?
Hell yeah, I'll be funny acting.
Well you gotta be like that to be a comedian, man.
Oh yeah.
Guess you gotta get prepared for the future, right?
Oh yeah.
Look, being a comedian is something that's going up there
and standing in the pocket when shit ain't going well.
You might, you do that shit like nobody else.
Man, I'm the best at it.
Dog.
Hell yeah.
You do it.
I'm gonna be like, shit, did he really just say that?
He should say this, he ain't saying that.
I'm sorry to use the nigga word all the time.
Man, you crazy though, you a motherfucker wit?
Yeah.
What the fuck you talking?
He said yeah.
The new nigga's white, folks.
We only got one white.
He's Filipino.
You Filipino?
Filipino.
Get the hell out of here.
I'm telling you, there's a smorgasbord in this bitch.
What's a smorgasbord?
It's like charcuterie but with races.
Yeah.
You know what, Brandon, I swear to God,
I don't know what a smorgasbord is either.
Smorgasbord?
A lot.
I just know, it's what?
A lot.
A lot?
Yeah.
All right, hold on.
I don't know if we should be going to Dumb for it.
It's not a lot?
I mean, that's literally what it means.
I fuck with that.
Is it something to do with marshmallows and shit?
Smorgasbord?
No, this is it right here.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Yes, dude, it is marshmallows in there.
No!
That's a charcuterie board!
Man, look at that.
You got the whole smorgasbord.
That says smoresbord.
But look, it's a smorgas chocolate.
Smorgas chocolate.
Yo, cause you think about, when you think about smorgas,
you know smorgas, you ever go to a-
He's breaking it down to the Latin root.
Yeah.
Whenever we go to the campfire
and you have fucking marshmallows on the stick,
what is it called?
S'mores.
There it is.
S'mores.
Yeah, but that's not-
It's the same family, right?
No.
No, no.
Big guys would know anything about food and shit.
I'm guessing this is like a dirt.
Shit, he know about the marshmallows.
Brandon, you just clicked on the one
that says smores charcuterie board.
All right, hold on.
Let's find a more gross one.
Brandon's finna go find this one.
Yo, go to all and just look at what it means.
All right, let's see.
A buffet offering a variety of hot and cold meals.
Solid, hors d'oeuvres, et cetera.
D'oeuvres?
Hors d'oeuvres.
Yeah, man, so that's a buffet sweetened style.
You know what I mean?
Well, you did say a lot of stuff.
That's a lot.
It could be anything.
You got bread, butter, cheese, s'mores, marshmallows.
Smorgas board.
It could be anything.
You like cheese or, you like cheese,
would you rather have a cheese platter or a meat platter?
Hold on, cheese platter or a vegetable platter?
Oh, man, that's easy.
Well, I like vegetable platter
because I like the sauces and the dressings
that I can dip my stuff in.
You know what I'm saying?
I like that block of cheese.
Like what you had back in there,
the cheese dip, what is it called?
Rotel?
That Rotel, man, you put your damn foot in that Rotel, bro.
That's your damn name.
That wasn't me, that was public.
That's a Velveeta cheese Rotel.
Public.
That's that dog gone food stamp cheese Rotel.
The government cheese?
Government cheese, yeah.
That block of cheese?
Yeah, it's just a block of cheese.
Some type of cheese.
I think it was American.
It was American.
It better be, dude.
Dom, you can cook.
I tried, man.
I'm glad you liked it.
Oh, you do a good job.
Mike, what do you think about Biden
dropping out of the election, man?
Man, you know what?
I look at it like this.
This shit was the best Steven Spielberg playbook
I ever seen.
I agree.
This shit was Hollywood, man.
We just seen fucking Hollywood in real life,
4K like my daughter said.
Yeah, actually, that's right.
Yeah, I mean, after Trump, no, Trump,
after he got shot at it well,
you see when all of them was hugging each other.
I expect them niggas to do this,
like they do in a basketball game and shit.
Throwing the arms up and shit, like, oh, shit, we did it.
We did it, hell yeah, Trump was so excited.
I ain't never seen somebody excited to get shot
because he already knew it's on.
Oh yeah, once he didn't die, he knew he was about to die.
This shit is jumping, it's popping.
And I'm about to equip myself
with all these felonies I have.
So it just gave us the idea of what guys need to do.
If you ever get in some trouble,
don't know how to get out of it,
know what to do.
I might need to take that advice.
Grab your damn beer.
Oh shit.
Get shot in the air.
Nah, it ain't gonna help no niggas,
they going to jail.
Yeah, damn man.
I'm eliminated.
With the buses up here, all right, here, wherever.
No, don't try this shit at home
because it ain't gonna work out the same.
Yeah, you right.
Do you think you can shoot my ear off without killing me?
Yeah, I think maybe.
I would trust you, Brandon.
I don't think that's a very good answer.
Maybe, yeah, speaking of the ears, man,
this dude was talking to me the other day.
He going to tell me, let me tell you something.
He whispered in my ear, he was,
Who did that?
I said, hold up, bro, you making me hide and shit.
Brandon did that?
I didn't say Brandon, I said a dude.
Oh, I was like damn.
I thought he said my Brandon.
Anybody ever did this shit,
want to tell you something in the ear
and they get too close to your ear
and be touching you and shit?
No, no, no, I won't allow that.
See, that's old school shit.
That's shit the guys used to do.
They be whispering for real.
Yeah, don't put.
You ever talk to a whisperer though?
Yeah, right here.
Yeah, I talk to people who talk like Jake Munksie.
But, I'm talking about real talk.
Have anybody ever whispered something to you?
Yes.
All the time.
They didn't get by your ears?
Yes.
I mean, maybe when I was younger,
since I've been a grown man,
I don't like people touching my face.
No, you ain't doing that.
This is how you hear it look.
Like, God damn.
Nah, that's not going to happen.
That shit's nasty, man, what the fuck?
When my grandma used to whisper to me at church,
she would say it loud enough
so everybody on the pew could hear it.
She would act like she was whispering,
like, she's dressed like a whore.
Everybody hears it.
Yeah, and there's a reason why I said that.
It's because, I was just thinking about Donald Trump.
Yeah, you know.
He got to be, anybody whispering to him,
ain't gonna have no whisper.
He might, you know, the other side
got to be used to hear everything else.
You know what I'm saying?
But, he about to be the president.
I like Trump, man.
You like Trump?
Hell, y'all like him, man.
I'm gonna tell you why I like him.
This is a Trump 2024 podcast.
No, no, I don't, no.
I'm gonna tell you why I like him.
Cause you got a guy that's running for president
that is aggressive, he got one that's passive, right?
Yeah.
I really, the aggressive motherfucker win.
Well, you know, aggressive can't be bad
for a leader of the free world.
It can go, it can go a little raw,
but I mean, it can go alright.
I mean, I'm not a person that's for Republican
or Democrat, I'm going like everybody like LeBron.
I like my team player, Trump.
Wait.
You gonna follow him everywhere?
So you remember this last night, the other day
when Hawk Hogan was on there and he ripped that shirt?
Yeah, yeah, he ripped that shirt off.
He had Trump 2024.
How you feel about that, man?
He couldn't even get the bottom piece broke.
He struggled with this shit.
Man, he's old.
He took me back to 84 though, man.
Those are the days.
Yeah, and I ain't gonna lie, man.
He wasn't alive in his lightest time.
But I, you know, I ain't gonna lie.
I'm working at the barbershop.
It's hard to make it to the polls though.
I'm talking all this shit and I might not vote.
You be voting?
Yeah.
You vote for Obama twice?
I vote for him one time.
I told you I might not.
I didn't make it to the polls the second time.
That's how he lost.
No, he ran all eight years.
Nah, yeah, he won't be in Obama.
He's too smooth.
Oh yeah, yeah.
If only he'd come back, you know.
Come back in Chicago, go back to shooting like they were.
You know, shoot like a motherfucker in Chicago.
Man, he stopped.
Yeah, nah, he down the street, he'll hide and shit.
You got to.
Yeah, yeah.
Go out there, you gotta be a crazed man.
You better know somebody.
With an O Block?
Even then.
Yo, you ever heard of O Block?
Yeah, heard of O Block.
That's our name, it's in our intro.
It is in our intro.
Is it?
Yeah.
All the building, the top of the building.
The building, yeah, that's O Block.
Oh fuck, I ain't know that.
I know why they call it O Block,
cause you know what they're more of,
you say, oh shit.
Oh, oh no.
Oath of a dad joke.
Yeah, they're more of a crazed.
Yeah.
Well, I think every neighborhood has a bad community,
even the upper echelon,
cause you run into Karen.
Oh yeah.
She just, the other flip side of O Block.
I'd rather be shot, dude.
Dude, white women get like, those kind of white women,
they get so aggressive.
Oh yeah, so fast.
You know why they be mad and shit though?
No, cause they dated black guys
and black guys done them wrong and shit.
I don't know about Karen's.
I don't think Karen's a dating black guy.
I think they did.
You think they did?
Yeah, that's why they pissed,
who they get mad at all the time.
Never a black woman, it's hard.
It is, but.
Cause I know a black woman gonna beat that ass.
But it'd be a black dude.
Yeah, she mad as hell, he did her wrong.
So she treating every nigga she see bad in the fight.
But that's good though.
I love her, Karen.
You do?
Yeah, I used to date a chick.
That was like that?
Yeah.
That's what I know.
And one.
She would always complain about shit.
Yeah, well she was nice and shit,
I ain't gonna lie, she was sweet.
Well, there ain't no Karen,
you just talking about you dated a white woman.
But when I broke up with her,
when I broke up with her, she turned to Karen.
Well, yeah.
I'm talking about to everybody.
Oh damn.
And one month, bro.
I don't know if y'all heard my comedy said,
but in one month, bro, real talk, I went zip lining.
I fucking went kayaking.
Game night.
Game night, hell real talk.
White shit, dude.
Yeah, and I went cave diving.
We went cave diving.
You went cave diving.
And saw a fucking waterfall.
I would never do that.
Did, man, had a good time.
You could swim?
Yeah.
No, yeah, I thought you could.
I took swimming lessons at Oakwood College, bro,
when I was young.
By a nigga named Eugene.
That nigga wore Speedos and shit.
He teaching those on some panties and shit on.
We didn't pay no attention to that shit.
Brandon wanna go now.
Nah, man, I couldn't do the kayaking, man.
I'm in the kayak.
That's where you draw the lines?
That's where I draw the lines.
The cave diving?
Well, he can't swim.
I mean, partially now, you saw how that the wave part.
Yeah, but I'm telling my life.
Kayaking is dangerous, though.
I ain't gonna lie.
See?
Because I seen a Mexican got flipped over on the kayak.
He was holding on to his book bag.
I don't know what the fuck he had in his book bag,
but he was not letting it go.
They were just crossing up.
And the white people just looking at him.
White people just looking at him.
They was gonna let him drown.
I had to get out of my kayak and go turn him back over.
For real?
Yeah, they was looking at him, laughing and shit.
I got out the water.
I ran over to my little hard bottom socks on and shit.
I don't know what them socks got to rub.
The grippy socks?
Yeah.
I ran over and turned him back over.
He was floating on down the river.
I should have grabbed a book bag.
I don't know what was in it.
Damn.
Did he live?
He was holding on to it.
Did he live?
Yeah.
Yeah, he was floating on down the river.
And then what's crazy thing about it,
it was another Mexican behind him that flipped over too.
I had to flip him back over.
Damn.
I would think they would be better in the water.
Yeah, but shit.
Second generation.
But it's ironic, a nigga helped him.
White folks on the sideline watching.
It was such an event.
Yeah, real race.
That's a shame.
Real race wars.
Race wars.
Who will win?
The Mexicans was ahead because we was going.
Mexicans ain't winning the race.
I'm talking about the ones on, I don't know.
I don't know who's gonna win it, bitch.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna be.
Smoking a blunt, looking out the window.
I hear you.
Yeah, and then the ones that fighting gonna be.
Y'all watch that movie?
Let's name the movie.
It was, let me think of it.
It was when the Tesla cars and shit
start smashing into each other.
Let's name it.
It's on Netflix.
Tesla cars.
Are you just talking about electronic cars?
Well, yeah, the premise of the movie is
our system went down.
And the system went down,
all the Tesla cars started driving by themselves.
But what I'm saying, I said that to say this,
is that I forgot what I was gonna fucking do.
I smoked too much.
I forgot.
Forgot what the fuck I was gonna say.
Who's your favorite TV judge?
You ask me all the time who my favorite judge is.
I'm gonna tell you.
Judge Joe,
motherfucking brown.
Boy, you coming to my courtroom smelling like weed.
I'm gonna hold you contempt of court
and I'm gonna call your mama.
If she answers the phone, she gonna come get you.
And I'm gonna rest her ass too.
Cause she holds the keys to your success
and she's not letting you live according
to the way you're supposed to live, boy.
By the way, pull your pants up while you're in the courtroom
and ask your daddy, do we have some weed?
Cause I'm ready to smoke me a dying bag.
You know back in the day,
back in the day they smoked dying bags.
We ain't by court.
I'm just talking drugs cause we game.
I ain't saying drugs.
I don't do drugs.
I smoke marijuana every now and then.
I have to cause I got ADHD, all this shit.
Cause it keeps me calm.
Anybody have to do anything to keep you calm?
Some people take a drink of wine.
Yeah, I drink.
Heroin.
Heroin, yeah.
Sometimes.
Some people.
I got a little bit left if you want some.
What the fuck?
Man, I've been watching your boy.
Y'all ever seen your boy Joe, what was it, Gargans?
David Gargans.
David Gargans, that ain't my boy.
Just thinking he was your physical trainer.
I wouldn't need somebody like him though.
You would die.
Yeah, you would literally die.
Your leg broke, get up.
Fuck that leg.
Stop being a bitch.
Look at that comparison, man.
He got it.
Yeah, but he's fucking made of iron, bro.
He ain't great.
Look at this picture.
That says it right there.
Whatever the fuck that fossil he holding, man.
That's a log.
That's a debris.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
Shout out to David Gargans.
He thought it was a fossil.
Is this a beer?
Yeah.
Oh man, I like that.
You see it say Death Row.
Stay hard.
Look at that.
It's like a seltzer.
So is this Snoop Dogg's drink?
I guess.
Yeah, cause Snoop Dogg collaboration with the Nelk boys.
Yeah, cause he bought Death Row.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Try it out.
Death Row, great.
You try that drink.
Yeah.
It's there for you, man.
We ain't promoter bombing nothing.
I don't know them niggas.
I don't know what they might be.
Hey, I can't wait till y'all give me the chance
to promote the podcast though.
That's what I was about to bring up.
I'm waiting, man.
So we have our first, what's it called?
Sponsor.
Yeah.
This fucking guy, man.
We got our first fucking sponsor here.
Mr. Mike Sales and Michael Bills Presidential Barbershop.
We're gonna shoot a commercial.
It's gonna be hilarious.
Whenever you wanna add up there, we'll throw it in.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
I'm ready.
And we're gonna shoot a lot of footage
so it could be multiple, from one shoot,
we're gonna get multiple.
Multiple angles and shit like that?
Oh yeah, multiple ads.
Okay.
For sure.
Because, oh damn, I got the bag of wigs out there too.
Oh yeah.
Hey, what episode is this?
37? 38?
38. 38?
38.
I don't know, yeah.
It's 37 not 38.
Yeah, whatever.
Man, congratulations to y'all, man.
Thanks, man.
One applause.
Appreciate it.
Consistency counts, man.
Y'all been consistent.
And I be missing y'all's name up, man.
I always call y'all Clown Community College.
I don't know why I say community, but it's Clown College.
What happened outside of Shenanigans?
Oh my God, dude, Mike, you kill me with this, man.
You have always called it Clown Community College
since the beginning.
And then the other day after the IQ test
outside of Shenanigans, we were standing there,
and you said it again.
And then you said, oh, I just made that up.
You've been saying that for a year, man.
I dance your hair.
It reminds me of Calhoun Community College.
It's a good college.
A bunch of fools be going to community colleges.
And community colleges, smart people
put some foolish niggas in there.
That's where the niggas get their GED at and shit,
the community colleges.
Hell yeah, dude.
When I used to take night class,
I would see the GED class in there.
You could always tell.
You would saw me even a bit.
You could see it out there.
Brandon, are you ever gonna get your GED, man?
I graduated.
Tell him.
I graduated.
I got my diplomacy already.
Hey, y'all.
Look at this, it's on the board.
Woo!
Look at that, it's diplomacy, dude.
High school diplomacy, man.
Now we just trying to finish this college.
We struggling financially.
We'll be back though.
Brandon got to stay in high school till he was 22.
Man.
Had a mustache.
I ain't gonna lie, man.
I was driving to school in the fucking eighth grade.
For real?
Seventh and eighth grade.
My daddy worked there.
Back in the eighties and shit,
daddies didn't give a damn.
If they worked there and shit,
nigga, they let their kids drive.
They'd throw their kids and shit.
I drove the biggest car to school.
I drove a 1976 Thunderbird Cougar.
Ooh.
Oh, Cougar Thunderbird.
Minimum was about, it was about as long as this damn,
about six of these tables.
God damn.
And you drove that to eighth grade?
No, it was a 79 Cougar.
Type in.
Oh, 79 Cougar.
Yeah, 1979 Cougar.
Cougar Thunderbird.
Hold on.
Mike, you actually told me,
or you said on stage one time,
what a Thunderbird is.
I didn't know what a Thunderbird was
till you told me about it.
What is it?
Man, a Thunderbird is a lady
just a little older than a Cougar.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a car, man.
What's the Cougar cutoff age?
Cougar cutoff age is about 43.
No, that's way too early.
That's the middle age.
That's the car right there.
That's way too early.
It was just like that, the blue one with the beige top.
I was in seventh grade driving a Vicious Work.
You had to sit on some books or something?
Man, check it out what we did.
After school, man, I used to have a carton of eggs and shit.
My little buddies, we'd just be bombing kids
on the way.
Every kid walk, them pedestrians, they got it, bro.
Hell yeah.
Man, we tore their ass up.
I'd knock down about three mailboxes and shit.
They called the police on me, but I got away.
You know what I'm saying?
Drove back the next day.
School.
We used to do something like that
that was similar whenever we was in high school
and this dude on the football team
used to give us Rod's home, right?
He was a white guy named Gangzal.
And he had a two-door, I think, like Grand Prix, right?
And what we would do, we'd be like, hey, go,
cause two of us got to get dropped off in the hood
and then he had to go circle around.
So we would go through the hood
and we would put our seat all the way back
so they couldn't see us and they just saw him.
We'd be like,
.
all the way up to the door.
You can open the door and just hop right in the car.
I said, damn, who drives in the grass and shit?
No.
Not that.
No, Volkswagen station wagon.
Oh, Volkswagen, okay.
Yeah.
What's that first word?
That's that Volkswagen, that's that station wagon.
Orange?
Yeah, Jason Friday, 13, be driving.
Close enough.
Yeah, yeah.
Volkswagen.
That?
Hell yeah, right there, the fourth car.
The fourth one, right there, yeah.
Damn, dude.
Oh, that's dope as hell.
Man used to pick us up in that shit.
We used to get in the car, be mad as hell
cause it was ugly back then.
Man, that's good.
Everybody looking at you, coming straight out to school,
hopping in the car, and you would go to the back door.
Damn.
That looks like the shortest bus.
You want to drop your, drop your.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the car you had right there, that orange one.
You want to drop your off a block before?
Damn.
Man, that car, I remember that car, bro.
Was it like Uncle Buck, you remember when he would drop,
drop that girl off on Uncle Buck in 1989,
and then like, he would, his car would be farting and shit,
and then like, he made it loud so everybody like,
in the school could know that that car was like hers.
What the hell is he talking about?
I never heard that.
You never seen that?
I'm glad you're the first guest to say that.
You are the first one.
Wait, hold on, I'll show you, hold on.
Let me show you, 1989, look.
Uncle Buck.
The hell, I ain't heard this story ever.
You never seen Uncle Buck?
Most people are like.
Right there, look, see right there.
Like when he drops, in the movie,
he drops her off to school like.
It has a backfire on it.
Yeah, it is.
Okay.
He said it was farting.
Yeah, he's saying fart.
Dude, trust me, when you see it, you'll be like,
that car is not my movie.
What's the name of the movie?
Uncle Buck.
You got John Candy.
Mike Epps made a remake to it.
He did.
Uncle Buck, it was a TV show, yeah.
I guess I gotta look for that.
Dude, you need to.
Uncle Buck is a great movie.
This movie right here is the shit.
It looked like he was pretty good.
I love John Candy.
He said Uncle Buck with the black hat on in the middle.
Yep, John Candy.
You remember him?
Oh, I remember John Candy.
Remember when he did Buster Millions?
Yeah, yeah, he passed away.
Man, he was a great comedian.
See, here go the car.
Oh yeah, that's it.
That's my dad.
Up here, here it is in the dark.
You can still see the flames too, man.
Yeah.
One thing about the Volkswagen,
my dad used to cruise and he drove slow.
Cause he smoked weed and shit back in the day.
I didn't know about it until I went into his shoe box.
You ever, your mom and dad ever have a secret closet,
some of their closets secret?
You might run into it.
It might be a liquor stash.
You know, it might be where his gun is.
You know, all that stupid stuff as a kid,
you go search, like me.
When I found out it wasn't no Santa Claus and shit,
it was amazing cause I found all the toys.
Yeah.
And said, ooh, mom hit the toys.
How old were you?
How old were you when you found out there was no-
I was probably about nine or 10.
Oh, thank God.
What?
Same, same, man.
They said there's something wrong with that.
The struggle is real when you find your parents say,
shit, I gotta go.
Nine or 10 years old when you found out there was no Santa Claus.
Man, I used to be sneaky as a motherfucker.
I used to be, you know, Christmas Eve,
you're supposed to be in the bed waiting for your parents.
Waiting for Santa Claus to come.
Oh, no, I slept when I opened.
I was like, shit, something going on in there.
I was going to peek through cracks and shit,
seeing them moving bicycles and presents and shit.
I said, damn, that's who Santa Claus is.
That's what drew me to go look in his closet.
Something in their closet right there.
They keep going in their damn closet.
I went in there and I seen all them gifts in there.
I remember being buried up under the clothes and shit.
I was like, hell yeah.
You don't think that's old, nine or 10?
To know that-
Brandon, he didn't have the internet, man.
Yeah.
No access to all the-
That's still not a reason.
How would you find out?
Let me see.
I mean, I can't even remember.
It couldn't have been anything past.
Dom found out in Afghanistan.
Damn.
I mean, I would have to be like six or something,
six or seven.
There's no way it was anything past that.
Yeah.
I think I was probably like seven or eight.
I give or take, I might be-
What grade is that?
Like third grade.
I might be off a little bit.
It's the one around that age group,
that fourth or fifth grade.
I remember that, did y'all,
when y'all went trick or treating as a kid,
did your parents used to hide the candy and shit?
My mom wouldn't let us go trick or treating.
Oh man, it was mean as hell.
Damn, for real?
Damn, man.
Goddamn.
Because of that damn Christian religion.
Well, my grandparents weren't like that, man.
We got to go trick or treating.
We just couldn't wear any costumes that were like
sacrilegious or like devil worshippers.
Like I had to go as like a penguin and shit,
a banana, George Bush, good Christian icons.
W.
And when I was young, shit, we had no money,
so we just put sheets over our head, cut holes in them.
I can't do that.
With our eyes.
Oh, no you can't.
I like that.
We couldn't do that one, dude.
And trust me, we had them.
We just couldn't do it.
Dude, I got cut off on Halloween, man, one time,
because I was in a Mario suit in second grade
and somebody opened the door and they were like,
you want some candy?
As soon as she opened the door, she had a Yorkie.
And the Yorkie came charging at me.
This is why I was still terrified of the dogs.
So dude, I'm just in her yard,
just running for every fucking thing.
Not giving a fuck, terrified.
And then when I got in the car,
they were like, you're not doing shit else.
So sit back and watch all these other kids get candy.
Man, I met your mom, you had a cool mom, man.
Thank you, man.
I met Brando's mom.
She came to the open mic, our host.
What's that called?
It's the first open mic with a twist.
And when I said twist,
you have two different sectors of the show.
First show, first set, you got three minutes set to do.
Second set, you have two minutes and you can improv.
And she came, we had a good damn time.
She tell you we had a good time?
Oh yeah, man, she was like, yeah, she was like,
she had a blast.
And then, yeah, she explained how she met Don Tan stuff.
It was cool.
We tried to call this nigga, he didn't answer the phone.
He was with his family.
I said, that's a lot, because his family right here.
No, I'm out on a date with my girl's family.
We were at dinner.
This nigga said he's with his family,
his family over here.
Wait, Brandon, what'd your mom say about Dante?
Oh yeah, she was like, man, I saw this dude early.
He was builtin', it was like some gay dude.
You know what I'm sayin'?
I was like, and then she was like,
and then when I explained, she was like,
oh yeah, that's him.
But I was like, you're not gay.
Describing Dante as built, when he has an active limp,
his knee blew out.
Dante is lookin' for love, bro.
Oh, yeah.
He's lookin' for love.
He's gonna find it.
Yeah, he's castin' a wide net, dude.
Yes.
I ain't gonna lie.
Yeah.
Man, I can't wait to see him kiss.
I know this kid's gonna.
What?
I said I can't wait to see him what?
That kiss, that kiss's gonna be strong as hell,
whoever he kisses.
That is gonna be a strong kiss.
He gonna suck they fuckin' face.
That's what dude, I swear I'm gonna say that.
What?
Like, of Mice and Men, where he squeezes the fuckin' rat.
Because he loves it.
His kisses are like.
That nigga gonna kiss him as strong as fuck.
Oh, shit.
I'm talkin' about this, he gonna suck that damn face off.
Yeah, yeah, and tongue kiss, oh shit.
Because you know, he gonna want a French kiss him.
He gonna wanna use his tongue.
The tongue is comin' out for sure.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He ain't gonna be no.
So, ladies, if you get your first kiss from him,
we just know the tongue gonna come out first.
Hell yeah.
And he gonna lick you in the face, and then just grab you.
And we're gonna set that date and show up here
on Climb College.
Yes, we are.
I think we have to now.
If he can make it quick.
He's a good lawyer, though.
Yeah, he will be the good lawyer.
He gonna fuckin' finesse the hell out there, girl.
Or she's gonna finesse him, you know.
It's amazing, when he get a girl,
it'll probably change his whole persona.
His whole personality.
The dude, because we just was on a show
with this dude named JT, and he said,
Dante has been like that his whole life.
I can believe it.
But he's natural, he's natural.
I ain't mean natural, but.
He's honest, and what's the word I wanna say?
Not honest, but.
Genuine.
Oh, genuine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
100% that, no.
He ain't fake.
He's genuine.
He may be the most genuine person.
And man, he.
You have to be born like that.
And if I could say, if Happy was a person,
that'll be that nigga right there.
Yeah.
100%.
Do him when he's sad, literally.
Yeah.
Do him when he's sad.
Man, listen, man, he's a great guy, man.
Great dude.
Oh, hell yeah.
And y'all guys, y'all good, too.
I like the fact that all of us kinda started together.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
Oh, we had to, what's your open mic out there in Madison?
That's where I first started.
Yeah.
No, God.
You and, what's his name move to Alaska, what's his name?
Jalen. Jalen.
Yeah, that was some good times, man, just meeting the guys.
Miss you, Jalen.
Miss you. RIP, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm not seeing, I pull up, I seen fucking Jake Muncie
and some dude out there doing karate and shit.
I was like, what the fuck is going on?
He was doing karate moves and shit.
What?
He was doing a jacob, what nobody hit.
Them niggas was this close to each other swinging
and then nobody get hit.
Did Jake fight a homeless guy?
He was, you were the, was that where him and Nico go down?
Man, it was swinging like a moth
when nobody getting touched.
I was like, God, then that's the first fucking fight
I seen where everybody on the sideline got hit.
Hey, so Mike, you gotta finish explaining the dish,
so you do.
The first part is stand up.
Yeah, the first part is stand up,
second part is improv.
So you get to come on stage and if you want to,
you can do a two minute set if you wanted to do something
else or you could choose a person to do improv with.
So it's fun because you can get up there and just,
you know, normally what I do is I give them a subject
or the crowd give them a subject and they reenact
whatever it is that they want to improv.
So it's cool.
It's really fun, you ain't got nothing like it out.
There's no other Mike like that here.
And it's a good time, man, you wanna come see it.
They got good food.
Oh, they got good food.
Now you got the dish, where's it at?
2005 pool drive right off of North Memorial Parkway.
Hell yeah, and I know that you can do something else there
and I want you to take us out with this.
You freestyle, right?
Hell yeah.
Come on now.
Oh shit.
Who can do a beat?
Me, definitely.
I'll hook you up.
All right, you ready?
He gonna beatbox.
Hold up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now we at the clown college, not community college.
And you see, I'm full of knowledge
and everybody know that I ain't garbage.
Sometimes I feel like this motherfucking beat
got me shaking.
Got me feeling like the earth is quaking.
Now that Coach Beat is tough,
Coach's breath smell like some fucking.
He always, he's beating for real.
Just let him go.
I lost.
Brandon can't hear you right now.
I lost fucking track.
Nigga, bring that beat back.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
I would do the, man, let's just fuck my freestyle over.
That wasn't free right there, that was bondage.
Wait, I'm better with the pencils.
I'm better with the pencils.
For the love of God, somebody find a pencil right now.
There should be two over there.
I can do those way better.
Is there one by you?
I'll get you a real beat right here.
Y'all hope I ain't messing up y'all's podcast, bro.
Fuck no, this is amazing.
You making it better, dog, this is fun.
This is the best episode we've ever had.
We outside.
You can do one and you two.
I used to beatbox.
Anybody else got anything?
I used to beatbox.
Pen over there?
Go ahead.
Check it out, hold up, hold up.
Let's see, let's see.
Hey, Brandon, start freestyling.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
rapping at college, got the feeling.
Hold on, wait, wait, okay, hold on.
Keep it going, keep it going, keep it going.
Hey, like that shit was hard, though.
That was good, dude.
Hell yeah.
Rapping at college, got the big mileage.
Come around here with my big old mileage.
Coming down here with the big old silence.
Coming down here with the big old tiling.
I'm talking to creative fans.
I got a big old pan.
I'm the man.
Wearing the tan.
Playing with plan.
Coming on down with them big old legs.
And look up top, you got the big old head.
Yeah, got no dress.
I'm not Ted.
Coming around here, I'm special head, El.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey!
Oh, wait, wait, hold on.
I got you, I got you.
Oh my God.
You're in class, I know you feel that.
You niggas out there, you're wearing helmets.
At the disc.
You're looking your best.
You actually got a football helmet
I can bring you next time.
He said you were.
Like I got my personal helmet, for real.
Yo, you know what's something else
when you get ready to do your work
and your teacher say, y'all, let's say a prayer.
Cause y'all motherfuckers gonna work me to death.
I was in special ed.
What'd you expect?
Hold on, what'd you in special ed or special needs?
Man, I'm gonna tell you what's crazy.
I was in special ed English.
But I was in like, geometry, math.
I was backwards in the motherfuckers.
I took human physiology.
But I was in special ed reading.
How the fuck they do that?
The government was just making money off me.
I was kinda, that's all it was.
How you gonna have somebody in a.
Did you get a check special ed?
I was in two special classes.
Special smart and special ed.
Smart and dumb at the same damn time.
Did you get a check for it though?
No, I didn't get no check.
Oh, you didn't get no check.
So you went all the way down in there.
No, they give checks for me and like that.
They give checks.
My boy got a check.
For being dumb?
Glendale Walker.
Being dumb, you can get a check.
Huh?
1000%.
He got a check every month when his mama got it.
That was some special shit going on.
Somebody was putting some money in there.
Is he smart?
No, he's in special ed.
He's so, it's like.
No, the reason I'm saying that,
cause some schools get money
when they put you in special ed.
And back in the 80s and the 90s,
they put a lot of black boys in special ed.
Cause the best football players and fighters and shit
was in special ed.
We had a running back that was in our special ed class.
He was like shit, running like a motherfucker.
But he just couldn't do words and such.
No, he would be reading his words and shit
and he'd get to a word he ain't know.
He'd say big word.
Oh my God.
Such and such and such and such as that big word.
Guess what happened?
Guess what happened when he said big word?
What happened?
Everybody repeated big word.
Now sound it out ladies and gentlemen.
Hell yeah.
Lincoln Lincoln.
I had to do that also.
Did you have to read the like old people sometimes?
Man, we had a Dick and Jane book.
That's how I learned to read.
What grade was you in when you read Dick and Jane?
These dudes in special ed class
turned into a poem fucking story.
Because they just know the name of the book.
You know with some funny ass niggas,
they're funny as fuck too.
Comedians and niggas.
Oh hell yeah.
Fun with Dick and Jane,
that's where the movie came from, this book?
I've never seen the movie.
This book was like the QS George.
You know QS George?
Yeah, I know QS George.
The man with the big hat.
Ooh yeah.
It was next up.
Can you read that right now?
Yeah I can.
Perfect.
The
Ick
and
mmm.
Ooh they're gonna pay you for that?
Ooh look Dick, look Jane, look and see.
See baby, see see.
Oh oh oh Dick, look and see, see baby.
It is wild.
That's weird as shit, I couldn't read that.
Oh Dick.
I'm good.
Could you imagine, they even had a story called Moby Dick.
What the fuck?
Oh man I remember that one.
The great white whale, dude.
Just like my car.
Why is Dick always in the,
you said Dick was,
was that you with the Richard joke with Dick?
I don't think so.
That's Charlie.
That's Charlie, yeah.
That's the other white.
The other white.
Yeah.
That's our answer.
How did it get Richard and Dick crossed up though?
I don't know.
I don't know how that came.
That's why I want to name my kid.
Google that shit.
It's like James and Jimmy, dude.
Yeah James, Jim.
Let's see Richard and Dick.
How did it, Richard doesn't have an Ick in it?
Let's see right.
Richard and Dick.
Yes he does.
Mike, Mike you know fridge has the letter D in it,
but refrigerator doesn't have the letter D in it.
Ah.
Okay.
Damn that's, let's see.
Dick is a nickname most often for Richard,
which likely originated in the Middle Ages
as rhyming slang for Rick,
as did William Will, Bill, and Robert Robb, Bob.
The association with penis is more recent,
arising from Dick becoming a cliche name for any man.
And then Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Tom, Dick, and Harry, yep.
So they, fuck that's crazy.
They crossed their name up with a real Dick.
Yeah.
He was a dickhead, wasn't he?
He was like, somebody didn't nobody like.
Gonna name my kid Richard.
Rick and Dick.
Thank you.
Dick Willis.
Just thinking the 1800s, that was wild as hell wasn't it?
It's at the 1800s?
It was at the 1800s?
Uh, I think they did it like.
They said Middle Ages.
Middle Ages a little bit before the 1800s.
Oh, 15, 1600s, 15, 1600s.
Little bit.
It's a tap.
So how far back did the word dick go?
Oh dude, let's see.
Because dude I know it goes back to Asia.
So I wonder was that word used,
oh can I suck your dick?
No they said that's newer.
No that's a new one.
They saying it's new.
So what did they call penises?
I didn't mean to say that like that.
No it's alright.
You know who, is if you don't have to.
Can I just say, I know I'm full of it.
Like y'all got a bunch of Christians
watching your podcast and it's like.
There's not a one I can't see it.
This is the catholic's number one fucking podcast.
I got you.
Baptist and.
Probably a big huge Jewish fan base is what I'm guessing.
Oh yeah dude.
This podcast is ran by the Baptist Association.
Hell we were opening up the book of criminals.
The book of numbers, sorry.
Can you turn to the book of judges?
So that word started in mid 17th century.
Dick became a slang for a man as a sexual partner.
For example in 1665 the English rogue by Richard Head,
a dick pro occurred to impregnate a character
that is having difficulty conceiving.
His name is Dick Head.
I heard that.
Yo.
He said this, he said the next dick I pick up for her
was a man of a color as contrary to the former
as light is to darkness being squarty
for whose hair was as black, as slow,
middle stuttered, well set, both strong and active.
BBC.
Yeah that's what it sounds like.
That's what it was BBC.
BBC.
That's the old BBC.
We were falling down back in the start of the evil times.
Damn they came up.
They had a mandingo back then.
We got it.
Dick.
That's crazy bro.
Came from us man.
We got that dick.
In the 1500s.
Hell yeah.
Brand in 17th.
Real black power.
It's in 1700s.
It says 17th.
17th century.
Wait yeah 17th century the first time was 1665 in satire.
Satire style.
The English Rogue by Richard Head.
Or Dickhead.
Richard Head.
Damn.
Richard Head you did say Dickhead.
Yeah yeah.
This is what he looked like.
He sure do look like Dickhead.
He do look like a Dickhead.
He was freak as hell.
He probably was.
Imagine back in those days.
This nigga was a freak.
I bet he crossed dressed too.
Look at that dress he got on.
Damn.
All right Mike.
The ghostly Muhammad Ali going back that means
we went overtime because it was just so fun
talking to you man.
I'm sorry.
No no no that's good.
That's a good thing.
All right if you want to and this camera right here.
You gonna say anything you got coming up?
All of your socials.
All right cool.
And where the people can find you?
You can find me right here in Huntsville Alabama.
Been a barber in Huntsville since 1994.
The name of my barber shop is Mike and Bill's
Presidential Barbershop.
We're right here in Huntsville.
You can find me on all social media platforms.
Ten stacks one zero S-T-A-C-K-S-S.
I host a mic at the Dish which is on 2005 Pool Drive
Huntsville Alabama.
Every first and third Monday.
Y'all come check this shit out.
My guys right here from Clown Community College.
I said this shit again.
I guess it just stuck in my brain.
Clown, I almost said it again.
Clown, I can't say it.
Goddamn.
Clown College.
There you go.
Yeah, Clown College.
Next to Alabama A&M.
But yeah, I host an open mic every first and third Monday.
Y'all check this out.
I'm appreciative of the podcast.
And I don't know, what was this paper you gave me right here?
That was just all your socials and shit.
Oh yeah, okay.
We got everything on there.
And they did their homework.
So y'all check out this podcast.
It's up and coming.
And this is the 38th episode, man.
Kudos to y'all, man.
And I'm looking forward to seeing y'all grow.
Grow.
Man, it'd be good if y'all,
y'all need it.
I can get y'all connected with a good person too.
Y'all might, you know.
In fact, let me see if I can talk.
We're gonna talk about it off mic.
Yeah.
All right?
Hell yeah.
Thank you so much, Mike, for coming on, man.
Thank you, Mike.
You the shit.
Appreciate you, man.
I appreciate y'all.
We out.
Hell yeah.
So I got two inside.
You got that on.
Yeah, this is on.
All right.
Put it up to the mic.
The back of this one.
All right, yeah.
Your call has been forwarded to voicemail.
Damn, dude.
Let me try.
You got two phones.
Yeah.
Got two.
I'm sweating like Dante's about to go on stage.
He may or may not answer, but I talked to him.
He's a busy man.
You got a lot going on.
A lot of people going for it.
Hello.
What up?
This is Charleston.
Hello.
What up, Charleston?
What's up?
Man, she's chilling, man.
Look, man, I'll call you.
I got a group of guys.
I got a group of my partners, man.
Listen, I'm at a community.
It's Clown Community College, bro.
And we want y'all there.
We wanted to see what it take to get you on the podcast, man.
I'm going to shoot you my manager number.
All right, bet.
Man, they sitting here listening to you now, man.
It's a mixed group of guys, man.
They love you, bro.
All right, bet.
I'm going to shoot you my manager number now.
All right, bet.
All right.
This is the best day of my life.
Oh, my God.
This is the best day of my life.
That's crazy.
That's what we needed, bro.
I'm ready.
I told you, bro.
I got you connected.
What, you just know him?
Y'all know him.
Where did y'all meet?
I met him at a comedy show.
He gave me his number.
Oh, damn.
Okay.
See, that's why I pay to get dressed up.
I was dressed up and shit.
He thought I was somebody big or whatever.
So that's what I did.
We exchanged numbers and shit.
Bro, I got to take a page out of Mike's book.
Yeah, I did.
Brandon cannot comprehend what's going on.
Y'all know Hill Harper?
Who?
Google Hill Harper.
Hill Harper.
Okay, let's see.
How you spell Hill?
H-I-L-L.
H-A-R-P-E-D-D-O-N.
He want one.
Yeah, he need one.
Him right there.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Hell yeah.
Where he from?
He's from New York.
The doctor?
Yeah.
Let me call him.
You know him?
Yeah.
He might be...
Crazy.
I've reached three...
Y'all always got his number.
Hold on.
What, you cut his hair?
Yeah.
Like when he came down here, you went to go see him?
Oh, he came down here.
Y'all Google Double D. Double D is a famous comedian too.
Oh, I got you.
He had a comedian, is he?
Yeah.
He is?
No, no, he's an actor.
He's running for Senator in Michigan.
It's not important, but is it screen recording, Brandon?
That's Double D right here.
No, it's not.
That'd be a good person to put on your podcast too.
I seen him before.
No, his name's Double D. He's a famous comedian.
Let's see, who was that?
Big Horn.
Barbershop Expo Mike, where was Steve Harvey's...
My favorite thing.
...Barber was there.
Oh yeah, you seen that?
Yeah.
With Exotics or something?
There's like a whole bunch of people there.
Mike was there too.
No, I got Diddy's...
Oh shit.
What?
Diddy's Barber is my partner.
Hey, I got the number for y'all.
You said Diddy's Barber?
For Diddy Barber?
No, for Chaucer's...
Manager?
Yeah.
Fuck yeah, dude.
He's on next week.
Fuck whoever else was supposed to be on.
Nobody was supposed to be on.
Write it down.
Hey, Brandon, you got a pen over there, dude?
Holy shit.
Yeah, I told y'all to get y'all looked up, bro.
Hey, y'all.
Yeah.
You ever be calling him?
Just talking to him?
Y'all call him from time to time.
He'll call me.
For real?
Yeah.
He'll call me, man.
He'll call me, say some random shit, crazy as hell.
I want my man Weave nigga hang the phone up and shit.
I'll be like, yeah, this nigga crazy.
Well, hell yeah.
You didn't believe, y'all didn't believe that shit y'all just heard.
That shit was crazy.
At first, I heard his voice.
I'm like, there's no way that's Chaucer.
But then I heard it again.
I was like, oh, damn.
That's wild.
Thanks, Mike.
Hell yeah.
Damn, dude.
Crazy.
That's fucking wild.
That was a little encore.
Yeah, a little encore.
For the episode, the post credit scene.
Did y'all record that?
Oh yeah, that's dope.
All the other fuckers.
Say hi to The Like
mainly for Ricky.
Thanks for watching!