This week on Clown College.
And so I be in there and they be like, you good with your work?
You good with all that?
All right, just get your work done.
Now you go back to your normal classes.
And that's what I did.
Yeah.
And the whole day I just walk around people be like, you in a special ed?
I ain't no special ed.
Hold on, did he say that?
Did he say that?
Oh, it was special needs.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You crossed the line.
No, what was it then?
Special Ed.
No, they're not.
There's a difference.
I don't know if any of them.
Well, no, it makes sense.
It does.
Okay, what's special ed?
Special Ed.
It's like hospice in a nursing home.
Yeah.
You can die at either or, but.
It's full time and part time.
One of them we kind of know.
Yeah.
Special Ed is like a little bit of some learning disabilities.
Like if you need a little bit of extra time.
Yeah.
Or if your mind.
You keep on saying extra time.
What is that?
Like you got a little, I mean, somebody can have dyslexia.
They can get a little bit autistic.
A little bit autistic.
Or yeah, you just struggling a little bit, but special needs.
Yeah, what's special needs?
Is what everybody thinks that special ed is.
Welcome to Clown College.
We have profound knowledge.
In many ways to elevate and make yourself polished.
So if you want to hear a little honest, a few takes on the ways to make it as a comic.
Then stick around for a while to fit down to Clown.
We got the guests right now just to show you how.
Let's all go to Clown College, baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.
Let's all go to Clown College, baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.
Oh no.
Damn, it didn't do it.
I'm sorry.
It wasn't working.
It's okay.
Go down one.
Hold on.
Stop, stop, stop.
I was trying to fix it and then it wouldn't do it again.
I'm being honest.
So it's not working?
No, now it's working.
I got it again.
I had to click it again.
I'm being honest, man.
I literally smashed that thing.
I smashed it.
You got to look at the numbers, make sure the numbers come up.
Yes, it's definitely 100%.
Oh, were we not recording that time?
No, not recording that time either.
So now we're just looking at juggaloos.
We're just weird now, dude.
Heck yeah.
Well, the reason we're looking at juggaloos is because I thought when he said juggaloos,
we were talking about the pimp, which is the jiggalo.
Yeah.
Yeah, the same thing.
Simple mistake.
That's actually a great recap.
It's only one letter off.
Yes.
So you're not juggling, you're pimp smacking.
The B-word is what people call it.
Now, the reason I say B-word is because we're not going to be disrespectful, but usually
they call them bitches.
You didn't want to use hoes?
Oh, my bad hoes.
I'm sorry because I'm listening to you.
Sex workers, Brandon.
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
Sex workers.
Sexual workers, man.
What kind of sexual things do they do?
Oh, man, dude, they do whatever you want.
What?
You give them the money.
How much?
Yeah, yeah, but like what's whatever you want and how much for which one?
Okay.
Hold on, Brandon.
I'm giving you $2,000.
Okay.
What's the first thing you ask in this prostitute for?
Okay, so you'd be like, man, $2 million.
I said $2,000.
Oh, okay, my bad.
$2,000.
Let's bring our budget back down.
$2,000.
Okay, so this is what would happen for $2,000.
I feel like you could get it down there.
You could get that suck down there, the thing, the ding dong.
The ding dong.
You could get a couple rounds in, you know what I mean?
Whichever style you desire.
So you're doing two rounds of sex and one head.
Yes, and then after that, since you got the $2,000, right?
You keep going.
Keep doing more stuff.
So you just want sex, more sex.
Oh, no, no, we're going to keep going.
We're going to keep going.
What's the next thing?
What do you mean?
What's past sex?
What's the next thing?
All right, so then we're going to, you know what, fuck it, $2,000.
You got to go to the next step, foot.
That's going to be a lot of foot action.
That's the next step.
And then after that, wait, hold on, what's the foot action?
Yeah, yeah, what happened?
Is it her foot, your foot?
You know what, for $2,000, it's both.
So what is she doing to your feet?
All right, well, so with the foot, because this is this situation, the foot, we put the dog between the feet.
Is the dog your penis?
Yes, it is.
The dog is the dick.
Hot diggity dog.
Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog.
And then you rub the feet, of course.
And then, you know, fuck it, $2,000, this is time to get adventurous for ass, but not your ass, right?
People like, hey, you know what, let me get your ass, right?
This is $2,000.
So you're going straight to anal from foot.
After we clean up, of course.
Yeah, because we're going to do that all, we clean up.
And then you.
Is it disrespectful not to clean your feet, like your dick, after going foot to ass?
No, you go straight foot to ass.
Yes, I'm saying, I feel like your ass is so much dirtier.
But you're wearing a condom.
I don't, that's a good question.
Wait, hold on, you're wearing a condom for what?
For the feet?
No, I'm talking about after that.
For the ass.
Yeah, yeah.
So why do you clean up if you're wearing a condom?
That's even more of a reason not to clean up.
Well, the reason we clean up the ass is because I don't want to see none of that shit.
Oh, you talking about cleaning her ass.
I'm talking about we going and cleaning.
Oh.
What device are you using?
Yeah.
Whatever it takes, I'm going to research it.
That's what I would do before it is do plenty of research.
But you ain't did no research.
Brandon, you got $2,000, you ran in there, you had sex twice, you got some head, you
played with some feet, now you're working on anal?
Yeah.
And then I'm going to do the research and after the research happens, we're going to
do that.
And then we're going to search up some more shit.
Dude, that's $2,000.
Yeah.
That's a lot of money.
I never knew you were such a man of research.
Oh yeah, man.
You just said research twice.
Yes, research.
I respect that.
So should we talk about the elephant in the room?
I mean, I feel like we have to address it.
So sci-fi.
Yo, that's the that's the grizzly calling the black bear, but don't you call me the elephant
in the room?
Well, yeah.
So what happened to the beard?
I went to a guy who I was not aware of his skill level.
And when I told him to take my beard down, he went down a little too far and he tried
to clean up his fuck up.
And here I am.
Have you ever seen that meme?
It's like of a woman with her her line and start all the way back here, but she got braids.
I see.
Oh, yeah.
The people's quarter.
Yeah.
I'm talking about that man.
Oh, damn.
You said you look like Pepe.
He just took me to the grog, bro.
Damn, man.
That's mine.
Where they covered up the top.
Rope.
Come on, man.
You know, this was me in 2017, man.
So like this was you were into or this what you look like?
Oh, no, no, I'm saying this is what I look like.
I was almost bald.
I had no facial hair.
I was basically bald.
Is this you right here with the was this you in your room?
Which one?
This one.
The Hitler one.
Is that Hitler?
This one?
Oh, the Hitler?
No.
To the right of Hitler.
Oh, right here.
This?
Yeah, was that you in your room?
That's me every damn morning.
OK, now what are you looking at?
Myself.
I'm looking at myself getting that confidence.
Brandon, you probably still wear a Tati Waddy.
No, we got rid of that.
OK.
How long are you going to?
Oh, man.
Had to be like what?
Fourth grade.
When you go to when you go to the bathroom, do you put your pants around your ankles?
And lift your shirt?
Man, this is a question I never thought I was going to be asking.
Maybe.
No, no, no, I'm just kidding, man.
We used to fucking stand up here and get out of here.
I had some intel that this might have happened.
Oh, no, man.
Who?
What intel?
I can't read on them, dude.
What happened?
What did she say?
They said they saw you in a stall in your pants.
Oh, come on, dog.
Where was this at?
At a comedy venue.
Which one?
Out of town.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
So it could have been Birmingham or Chattanooga, right?
I don't know, man.
I feel like we're getting in a hole here and there was nobody.
Did you do it, man?
Did I do it?
I may have did it once in my life.
So was once within the past year?
In the past two weeks.
One time.
So.
It's because I got lazy.
What happened?
It seems like more effort to pull your pants all the way down.
Well, I guess that night I got scared.
So he admits it was that night.
Let me tell you why.
Because I think this could have possibly been the night that I got drunk, right?
And I always have a nightmare fear that I'm just peeing out of nowhere.
It spreads.
Like the pee does this and it's all over the place.
And it's not even going in the bowl no more.
It's just everywhere.
Have you ever peed after sex?
Have I peed after sex?
Yeah.
It does the same thing.
Yeah.
Your nightmares will come true.
See, that's what I'm worried about.
That.
So I was like, damn, man, I can't mess this night up.
I can't be drunk and then do this and then it's all over the place.
What the fuck?
I can't have that.
So that's why I did that.
I see where I get it.
But how does that how does dropping your pants to your ankles?
OK, so what I would do is drop, walk up a little bit, but not too close.
Not too close.
What you do is you walk up where the what is that?
The toilet seat.
Yeah.
So you know the bowl at the bottom.
Yeah.
It has that little loop that you go under.
Or your feet.
Who?
So what you're.
Whoa.
This is real.
How do you see the toilet?
You said there's a loop.
Do you straddle the toilet?
On the floor?
Not too far.
Not too far, though.
Not really on the floor.
It has to be.
But it's in the back.
It's under the tank.
Yes, it's under the tank.
So if your feet is going under that, that means you're straddling it.
You're standing over it.
Yes.
And what you got to do is you got to angle it perfectly so it's not touching the floor
and it's not touching that.
What?
And it's like.
What?
What's not?
Is your dick touching the floor?
No, not the dick.
The pants.
Is that later on in the process?
Dick extensions?
No, I'm saying when I get old, it's going to go wild on hang down.
I think your balls just hang.
I don't think your dick hangs.
Well, the balls go.
The penis comes with it.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't think so, bro.
If that's the case, then every old man will be out here just packing.
That's why they got them big ass pants and shit, man.
And got them fucking.
If somebody would know about old man penis, dude, he's the expert.
That is true.
But no, I will say this.
I've never been in danger as much as Brandon and I don't work at a nursing home.
But I have been to gym locker rooms and there's always a butt naked old white man.
Can somebody shaving for some reason?
Yeah.
I've seen people shave.
I've seen a dude brush his teeth.
I've seen him do everything in the.
Me too.
Brushing your teeth.
Brushing your teeth is common for some reason.
I don't like that shit.
They're too social.
I'm at the gym.
Why the fuck are you doing that at the gym?
Yeah, that's something you should keep at home.
Do you know, there is a fucking container, like a biohazard container for hypodermic
needles in the gym bathroom for people shooting up steroids, bro.
You shouldn't be brushing your teeth.
No, you shouldn't.
But I understand shooting up steroids.
I don't think I have one.
It's a UAH.
I understand shooting up steroids in a gym.
That makes sense.
I don't understand brushing your teeth in a gym.
Right.
Fair.
If you're going to do it, do it in the shower.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
So people aren't judging.
Anyways, continue the peeing thing.
Yeah, let's get that going.
So why are you standing on top, like hovering over the bowl of.
Well, so what happened was I was like, let's say worst case scenario did happen and this
shit just hit the fan.
It just went everywhere.
And it just done this.
And I was like, you know what I mean?
Make that.
Yeah, make that.
You're saying.
Yes.
Two streams.
What I was saying with this, it's not going to get my pants because it's protected.
But what if you just pee straight down into your pants?
Yeah.
Hmm.
See, that's a rough one there right there, man.
I want to say this in the most non-sexual way possible.
I understand.
This is only for scientific purposes.
Can you demonstrate this for us?
All right.
It's easy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Just stand right there.
I want you to drop trowel.
I'm not dropping the trowel.
Face the camera.
All right.
So what I do is pull it down right about good spot.
Uh huh.
Yeah, they can't see it.
I don't know if they can see it.
No, no, no.
Don't move it because we got to tell them.
So you're saying.
Okay, I'm going to lift this up.
Okay.
So his pants are around his shin.
Okay.
And then what you do is you stand up.
You're ready to see the stand up?
Yeah, let's see the stand up.
Stand up.
And then it's like this and then you have to do this.
And this is going to be the head.
So you walk up and you walk up and you got a big bowl that comes out.
Uh huh.
Okay, I'm safe.
Then you go down there and you do what you got to do.
He's safe.
And then you're like damn, man, it works.
But your pants are around your ankles.
No, your pants are technically around the shins.
Yeah, around your shins.
You're saying the belt loop is around your shins.
As low as it requires.
Yeah.
Okay.
And that's what happens.
I think what he's saying is he walks over the toilet.
Yeah.
Yes.
To where he's peeing straight down into the toilet hole.
Okay.
Because you're afraid that your piss streams will spread.
Oh yeah, separate.
And miss the toilet completely.
Yes, and miss the toilet.
Get everywhere else.
We don't need that.
Awesome.
Plus I have a fear for my old dude.
Not an old dude, but an old memory in my head of me and the child.
So there was a kid in my middle school that would literally, and thankfully this shit
never happened to me, but it happened to everybody else.
What he would do is he would wait in the bathroom and wait for the right moment.
Oh boy.
And when there was a dude peeing in that, what's that, the urinal, right?
Uh huh.
It would be him and two other guys, something, they'd walk up and push people.
And then they'd be like, oh shit.
So then I was like, man, I got to, I got to, man, shit, that's horrible.
So that made you want to put your pants around your ankles more.
Damn, maybe it didn't.
That was just another story why I went to the stall.
Oh, okay.
That makes sense.
Yeah, yeah.
Nobody can push you now.
That's survival.
You feel protected in a stall.
Yes, it's survival, man.
So let's just answer the question.
Yes.
Truthfully.
Yes.
We're all friends here.
Yeah.
Okay.
So when you go pee on a normal time, if you went in the bathroom right here and you went
and take a piss, would you have your pants around your ankles?
No.
No?
No, man, urinal.
I'm just...
No, here, here, in Donald's house.
Donald's house.
He's talking about the sink.
Well, I mean, shit, man.
Since it's like...
I mean, yeah, I guess.
You do.
Normally, it's just a normal thing for you.
If it's a normal room, because I'm like, what am I trying to hide?
Shit, just do it.
You pull your...
I'll say this.
If it's a single bathroom where you just walk in and it's a toilet in there, I'll pull my
pants down in the middle of the eye and piss that way because nobody's looking.
Yeah, nothing to hide.
Oh, nah.
I mean, there's no need.
Yeah, there's no need for me to...
It's just wasted energy to pull it down.
But here is my thing.
It's not that I'm afraid that my shit is going to diverge into two streams, which is a real
fear.
My thing is I'm scared that I put my pants back on and then that part comes out, the extra
leakage from post piss.
Oh, damn.
Post piss.
You know, like when you piss and you put your underwear back on and the rest comes out?
Yeah, I don't like that.
So you want the drip to happen?
That's because you're rushing.
Yeah.
No, dude, I'm not rushing.
You're rushing.
When have I ever rushed anything in my life?
Hold on.
Why is there still piss in your dick?
Yeah.
Because you're rushing.
No, man.
That's true.
That's insane.
No, dude, it's a natural thing, dude.
Hold on.
For anybody who might be like, piss isn't held in your dick, Syfy, I know it's in your
bladder.
I'm just saying it was clearly out of your bladder and it was sucking your urethra.
Dude, I could stand, honestly, you could give me five minutes and I could piss for five
minutes.
I don't got time to piss for five minutes straight every time I go to bed.
You could piss for five minutes?
Oh, yeah.
Dude, every single time.
What?
I can just force liquid out of my bladder.
You can force piss.
Well, I don't do it, dude.
I'm just saying, like, if you put your pants back on and then the extra comes out and it
stains your pants, I mean, that's like your next 45 minutes are going to be like, you
got to hide it.
Yeah.
You got to walk funny.
You got to go sit down at the desk and just hope a patient doesn't come out, a customer
doesn't.
So you know how to handle this situation.
This is a work problem with the scrub.
The scrubs would show it.
I have weird bathroom habits, dude.
It takes me 45 minutes to take a shit, dude.
On my second day of work, I shove lotion in my ass so my butthole wouldn't smell, dude.
You should not do that.
You shouldn't put anything scented on your anus.
It burned real bad.
Yeah, your anus is a very sensitive.
God dang, why am I?
If I'm the voice of reason.
Listen, Brandon, I think this is a generational thing.
I think this is a gene.
I think there's always been people that pull their pants down to the ankles and we all
know.
We all know who they are.
It has to be a generational thing because I don't know too many people that smear lotion
up their ass.
I don't do that.
I did Nair.
Hey look, Brandon said, hold on.
Same age.
I don't suck my ass.
OK, waddles.
Don't start talking shit, dude.
I was trying to help you out, bro.
You know what, in that mind, yeah, the man looks good.
Yeah, dude.
So you do it too?
No, I don't.
I'm not going to.
That's fucked up, Brandon.
I'm sorry, man.
He said I support him.
But just to be clear, I do not do that.
Y'all have had the thing where you put your pants back on and then the extra pee comes
out.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, OK, that's what I'm saying.
That's why I would pull my pants all the way down.
But I still don't see how that helps that.
Because it's a longer amount of time to get your pants back on.
But this is what I'm saying.
But if it's still dripping out, you can get it on your pants anyway.
Nah, man.
Because you got to.
I don't get over the toilet like Brandon does, but I'll put an arm out and hold the wall
and then just angle myself.
And then that's what I do.
And then I just wait for the leakage and then put the pants back on.
What's your habit?
It works.
I'm about to say my habit or what you can do is just sit there an extra 10 seconds and
relax and that rest of that will come out and you shake.
You got to shake it aggressively.
It's not there's nothing.
It's a mental thing, dude.
If I have my pants like even semi around my waist or like back in public, I would like
at a urinal, I'm obviously just doing the normal way.
But if I'm in the private bathroom by myself, I'll pull them down mid-dye because of that
bands around me.
I feel like it's cutting off my bladder even though it's on my back, dude.
That's just how I feel and the mind over matter.
That's that's my honest answer.
I'm trying to relate to him.
And I've also learned this trick when I'm at the urinal in public IP, then I put it
back.
I put my underwear on first, though, and let it just leak on the underwear and let the
underwear absorb it and then put the pants on over it.
So it will.
I understand.
I give you.
I'm with him on that.
I mean, what about putting a paper towel on the table?
That's what I heard.
There's no paper towels at the urinal.
Yeah.
And I'm not walking.
Brandon's never been to a urinal.
Brandon's like, hold on, where you guys pissing at?
No, I'm talking about like grab a little.
Brandon uses the women's restroom.
He's using the janitor's closet.
He's like there's paper towels, bro.
There's Windex in there.
There's a mop and a bucket for number two.
He's pissing in the soda fountain.
The napkins and shit.
I just want to say, I'm not a fan of the toilet.
I'm not a fan of the toilet.
I don't know.
I don't shit in them.
I clean them.
Bathrooms, man.
You don't shit in the bathroom?
Oh man, I gotta go.
I'm gonna go.
But what I'm saying is like, I was talking about the women's bathroom.
I was like, I clean every bathroom, man.
They make you clean the women's bathroom?
After clothes?
Huh?
After clothes?
No, while it's open.
I literally gotta.
I think don't admit to a crime.
Dude, they say you have, like I literally gotta do the same thing where I be like, hey,
is anybody in there?
Yeah.
Nobody say nothing.
That is how you, yeah.
Yeah.
No crying.
What's your bathroom thing?
It's keeping in the realm of shitting.
I have to get naked when I shit.
That's weird.
Yeah, I know.
I didn't say it was a comment.
That's my weird thing, though.
I do that, too.
But no, it limits the places where I can shit.
So I don't shit everywhere.
I don't shit everywhere.
So what if you have to shit so bad?
No, I still shit everywhere.
And what if you have to shit so bad and like, you know when it's coming, what do you do?
Okay.
And you're at a gas station and it's not the best.
Hold on, brother.
I'll tell you like this, bump a gas station.
I could write a memoir called Sci-Fi Shit Spots of where the most random places I've
had to take a shit.
I've taken shit in the back of a FedEx truck.
I've taken a shit up against a tree adjacent to somebody's driveway.
I didn't know at the time.
I took a shit like at a brand new construction house one time.
And I don't mean like inside the house.
I mean, I took a shit in this pit that was right by it.
But then I covered it with a big rock like a cave man.
Because I was ashamed.
Oh shit.
Yeah.
I gotta get, those times I didn't get completely naked because fuck out of here.
Yeah.
You know.
Okay.
So there's exceptions.
There's exceptions.
Like if I'm about to shit myself.
If you just got naked and shit on somebody like behind a tree.
They would think it's a bear.
They would literally think it's a baby bear.
They're like, yo, what you doing?
What's going on back there?
I'm like, ugh.
Hopefully they run off, right?
I'm the they.
They come over there and see you.
You're going to run away instead of being like, oh yeah.
Big naked black dude.
I'm running.
That's crazy.
Oh yeah.
Everybody got a round for that.
Yeah.
You better run first.
Oh dude.
Hell yeah.
Man, you can't sit there and watch.
Hell nah.
Get out.
You better get out of there.
Yeah.
This is wild.
Gargoyle.
This is wild.
Is that real?
Okay.
I'm not joking.
I've heard this about you.
I'm not joking.
It's not a joke.
So for the people at home who don't know.
Perch.
What is gargoyle?
Dude.
It's when you get, you put the toilet lid and the seat up.
It's just the rim of the actual toilet bowl and you just get up there, man.
You perch up there squatting.
And you just squat.
Yes.
It's better for you.
It's crazy.
I get it.
If you like aren't into that, but it is better for you.
What about when it explodes?
Demonstrate it.
Yeah.
When it explodes.
Yeah.
Demonstrate it.
So are you standing on the seat or are you standing on the bowl itself?
No, I'm standing on the outside rim.
I would break that shit.
So both the seat and the lid are up.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
That's what I'm talking.
So yeah, the seat is the part you actually sit on.
So he's standing on the raw bowl.
The raw edge.
With your feet.
Dude.
No, you're wearing sneakers.
No.
You have that.
If it's my toilet, are you crazy?
I don't care.
I don't know.
I'm just at a racial slump.
Why would I wear shoes?
That's insane.
Oh God.
They piss particles, man.
Particles?
Puddles.
Dude.
You heard him.
That's dangerous, man.
What if you slip and hit your head one day?
Yeah.
That would be an issue for you, yes.
That's bad.
That would be an issue for everyone.
Okay.
So when you do it here, is that what's going on with the toilet?
Yeah.
I'm not sure.
Is that what's going on with the shower curtain?
No, that's because I'm scared something's in there.
I moved the shower curtain out of the way so I wouldn't have anything the whole time.
Yeah, but I thought it was... So in there...
The gargoyle on the shower curtain, unrelated.
Completely unrelated.
So when you go in there, you get butt naked and take off your shoes and socks?
Yes.
That's butt naked, dude.
Hold on.
When you gargoyle on his toilet, you're gargoyling barefoot?
Dom's toilet is not a good toilet.
It's not.
No, it's a loose.
It's a loose.
Yeah, it is.
And I've had some where I got up there and I'm like, this is going to be a rough one.
This is going to require me to activate my core.
You know what I love about this?
It shows you... No offense in any kind of way.
It shows you the complete lunacy of what some people are doing behind closed doors.
Y'all is definitely the whites.
You're going to get colon cancer, dude.
And also it's very popular with the Afghanis from what I've heard.
Oh, dude.
That's how... The only reason I know what this is is because when we had to share fucking
bathroom with these motherfuckers, right?
You walk in there and it's like a whole... It's like 10 stalls or whatever and a shower in
the other room and all that.
So I walk in there and they have a stall with a door, but they leave the door open and they
just squat shit like that.
And then when you walk past it, they just smile at you.
Don't look at me with this shit.
And they just go like, they're like, man, close the fucking door.
I don't get it.
I don't leave the door open, man.
But still, I associate that with those people whenever I hear that.
I'm a third world shitter.
Yeah, you are a third world shitter.
What's the problem?
Gang, white people are gentrifying shit now.
It's cool.
I thought I made it up, dude.
I started doing that at a young age.
And you don't know why?
Did somebody teach you this?
I heard it.
I think I heard it on a YouTube video.
Listen to what he's doing.
No, listen to what he's doing, Don.
And I just... He's colonizing shitting.
He said, I've been doing this since a young age.
That means he grew up around it.
All right?
This is what skibbity toilet is.
This is what skibbity toilet is?
Skibbity toilet.
It's brain.
I don't know what that is.
I don't know what it is either.
I've heard the thing, but I don't know it.
Is it the thing with... Okay.
My nephew likes it.
He's got no chance.
You're fucking colonizer, okay?
Leave third world shit to third world people.
Dude, first of all, what I do in the privacy of my own home and others' homes.
The only time I wouldn't do it is if I just absolutely had to go and it was a bathroom
where it's like the stall and you can see under the floor because if they don't see
my feet, they don't know that I'm in there.
Yo, but you know what they do see?
A shadow of what they think is a 25-year-old man playing Spider-Man.
Yeah, dude.
I will say this.
He's not playing a shit Spider-Man.
It's a dangerous game, dude.
It's a dangerous game.
It's a wild game that does not need to be played.
Because I'm going to be honest with you, you don't shoot 100%.
That's what I was going to ask you.
You don't shoot 100%.
Oh, no.
Hold on.
Have you shot in it, miss?
No, not here.
At my home, yes.
Oh, my God.
Okay, hold on.
Did you have to pick it up?
What are you talking about?
I cleaned it, man.
No, how did you pick up the shit?
If you're missing, it's not a solid law.
Yeah, yeah.
He's talking about a spray.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
So it got on your feet, too.
It's like I'm trying to think.
Imagine you had a thing of pudding and it just dropped on the floor.
It's not going to splatter everywhere.
It's going to stay in one place, but then you've got to wipe it up and you've got to
cool it off.
It's sick, dude.
He's like something, but I wouldn't call it an untouchable.
He's touched.
No, I guess.
I swear, if you guys had the physical ability to do it, you would never stop.
Fuck yourself, man.
You would never stop.
I got the physical ability.
Hold on.
Let me tell you something, son.
Brandon's about to break his foot trying to do it.
It's going to go in the hole.
I could be a freaking contortionist.
I will never be like you.
I'm never shitting.
It's not about contortion, dude.
It's about sheer mental focus and ability.
I'm saying I could have the freaking knees of a Taiwanese teenager.
I'm not shitting on the toilet like that, bro.
I'm never going to be.
I will shit like everybody else in the good old US of A.
That's good, man.
That's where y'all's country is going to shit, dude.
Y'all's country is yours country.
I'm an Afghani now, bro.
We got a new government recently.
It's fucking sick.
Hey, Brandon, play this clip where it says ex-Domkar.
It's my favorite clip of all time, I think.
Scroll down.
Not those.
Right here.
Oh shit, I remember this.
So, first.
So, we moved to LA.
My father gets a job at the Palm restaurant.
My uncle, Jr., works there, who was a Jehovah's Witness, believe it or not.
He worked from Catholic to Jehovah.
So basically, my grandmother wanted us all to switch from Catholic to Jehovah.
You know, meanwhile, we're from Harlem.
My father's doing coke.
You know, my mother thinks she's Aunt Margaret.
She's teasing the hare with a bottle of vodka.
You know, so dysfunctional.
Cross-addicted family.
Still cooking pasta on Sundays.
And the meatballs, they wind up being burnt.
But you know, it just got so dysfunctional.
It got pretty bad.
I know for a fact this person gargoyle shit.
For an absolute fact.
I love how he's talking this whole time and then he's like, he's laughing about how his
family's so fucked and he's like, but the meatballs got burnt.
And he's like, the meatballs got burnt.
It got pretty bad.
I think it's almost, it's just the way they speak.
It's almost cartoonish.
It's like, you think of like a blue collar, almost like a Fred Flintstone type dad.
So there's my mother.
But then they're dressed like North Hollywood soccer moms.
So you're like, yo, this is too extreme.
I love it.
So that's Aunt Margaret.
To me, that's just Tim Dillon, dude.
That's exactly what Tim Dillon is.
Who's Aunt Margaret?
Oh, this is Aunt Margaret.
Right there.
Oh, are we just looking up our baddest white women?
No, that's what he said.
No, he said, he said my mother's like Aunt Margaret.
So then we searched for Aunt Margaret.
She's teaching her here with the vodka, dude.
Okay, yo, Juneteenth is over.
Pull up Young Dolly Parton.
Ooh, Dolly, was that Ben?
Young.
Hurry up before Dr. Umar finds out.
Oh shit.
It's right there.
It's the first one.
You ain't got to do it.
Right there.
Nah, nah, nah.
You got to do it.
It's right there.
Nah, nah, nah.
Even younger.
The one with the hair to the right, to the right.
Keep going.
Right, that one.
This one?
That one, cold.
Yeah.
Cold.
Let's see.
Telling me Young Dolly wasn't a fox.
Oh yeah.
You don't think so, Brandon?
Yeah, she's good.
Oh my gosh.
Brandon, look up Sidney Lopper Pepsi commercial.
Oh man, I remember that.
Sidney, Sidney, uh, it's not Sidney Lopper.
It's not Sidney, Sidney Crawford.
Crawford, yeah.
Is that the chick with the mole?
Yeah.
I never understood that.
What?
You like this over that?
First of all, these are people.
First of all, they're old, they no longer matter, okay dude?
Oh my gosh.
Let's see.
I never got the fascination with the beautiful mole thing.
That's not it, dude.
You saying no?
Well that is it, I'm saying the mole isn't the thing for me.
Oh.
Man, when she interviewed the Fresh Prince of Bel Air's cast, man, that was cool.
It was.
It was dope.
I don't, I only, like you ever used to watch that show, I Love the 80s and 90s?
Yeah.
That's the only reason I know anything about this commercial.
And they used to tell you everything about it?
Yeah.
And pop-ups.
I remember that kid and it's like, I love the 90s.
Yeah.
Right.
Look at that Michael Jordan, I mean that Michael Jackson Pepsi commercial, that was
the best one.
Yeah, when he burnt his hair.
You know he never grew his hair back.
Yeah.
When he died.
I seen a picture of that burn too, that shit looked bad.
But look, hold on, before you look up that, look up young Stacey Dash.
Oh.
Man.
Stacey Dash 2003, I was like 12 years old, man.
This woman was the ghettoest.
Oh, I remember her.
Queen, bro, like in every hood.
Oh, every BT boogie.
Men would have murdered to have this lady be their wife.
She was on, what was that show called?
See, that's her older.
You put in.
Yeah, that is what it was.
Scroll down, scroll down.
Yeah, where's she, where, oh here goes one.
Fine when she started becoming a white woman.
Dash, yeah, that's the young Stacey Dash I remember.
Then later on she start saying real crazy things.
Yeah, she went hardcore Republican.
Like real hardcore Republican.
Real hardcore, did you see like two years?
She got on Instagram, it was crying.
She was like, nobody told me DMX died.
Yeah.
Like two years after he died.
Yes, man.
I swear to God.
Quick, Stacey Dash and DMX.
Right, right, yeah, find that on YouTube fam, find that on YouTube.
Man, were they close or something?
Apparently not married.
But the thing is, because of like who he was.
Right there, right there.
Hip hop world, she might know DMX, like for real for her.
Okay, I'm ashamed.
I didn't know.
I didn't know DMX died.
I didn't know.
It's literally two years at least.
Why would you make this video?
Yeah.
Look at her flammed nostrils, bro.
I am today six years and one month clean.
What's she saying?
She said she's six years and one month clean.
It breaks my heart, breaks my heart, he lost to it, he lost, he lost to that demon of addiction.
She's about to relapse right here, that's why she made this video.
I get it, she's obviously very remorseful about it, but what I don't understand is making the video two years after.
And she was four years sober when he died.
She was an act of addiction and just didn't know what was going on.
My thing is this, she said I'm sorry y'all, you didn't have to tell us.
Because we all thought the world knows that DMX is dead.
So you created a video letting us know that you fucked up real bad and you're crying about it.
You could have just had your moment and the world would have been none the wiser.
Who else do you think she doesn't know died?
Oh my god, wait till she finds out.
Jerry West, you think she's gonna be upset about that one?
She might be a Lakers fan.
Yeah, she's been to LA for him.
You know what's fucked up? She didn't even play DMX music when she was talking about it.
I was thinking about that.
Did she add that in there or was that a different person?
Nah, I hope that was a different person.
Okay.
But what DMX song would you play?
Y'all gonna make me lose my mind.
Fuck!
That lets me know you don't listen to DMX.
Yeah, no shit.
DMX have prayers.
Yeah, he has prayers literally.
I'm talking about they some of the hard-
Yeah, like low key, like, Heavenly Father, it is you who is giving me life.
And I know!
It's one of the best things ever.
But if you like listen, he's passionate about it.
He is super passionate about it.
He's also passionate about hating gay people.
That's what I remember.
Oh, that's just old school black shit.
Oh yeah, yeah.
That's old school black shit.
He was shaving his head bald at 19.
You think he has high reviews for gay people?
Come on.
You're excusing that, but you're like, I can tell you haven't listened to DMX.
No fucking shit, dude.
He should have played Slippin'.
Huh?
I'm slipping, I'm falling, I can't get up.
I'm slipping, I'm falling, I got to get up.
To get back on my feet so I can text you.
Yep.
Hey, I like that.
Hey, hey, hey.
DMX was a shit.
DMX was huge.
It went DMX, then Ja Rule.
Remember we was talking about that?
It went the biggest artists, especially hip hop.
It went DMX, Ja Rule, and then 50 Cent came and literally destroyed a man's career for being the top.
Go look up rap album sales of all time.
Oh man, Eminem's number one.
Eminem?
Yeah, Eminem's going to be number one.
He's got to be.
Let's see.
Nah, that's 16.
Look what he got.
Like a deer caught in the headlights, bro.
Oh damn, Outkast is the highest?
Why did you leave Business Insider?
Go to Business Insider.
He wanted to find out.
I told him to go back out there.
Eminem is the top.
Just scroll down, you don't know yet.
They started to live.
16, LL Cool J.
They're both 16?
What the hell?
They're tied.
Oh shit.
All right, you got Nas.
He's good.
Snoop Dogg is 16.
They all tied?
Yeah, that's not a number.
13.
There's a new number.
Thank you.
Ludacris, finally.
I love you, Brandon.
Love you too, man.
He's been tied for 13.
DMX is 12.
DMX 12.
Why is he 12?
He need to be up more.
Nah, that's high for us.
That man showed like what was it?
Two or three number one albums in one year.
Yeah, that's crazy.
His first free album.
Flesh on my flesh, blood on my blood, and then it was X.
Man.
It's dark in here.
Oh, it's dark.
It's dark.
I almost said it's dark in here.
Yep.
So two in 1998 both went to the top.
50.
Get Richard out.
Ryan.
I remember when that shit came out.
Let's see who's next.
Who's next?
Notorious.
Wow, they put me in.
This is so, I mean this is just the facts.
Oh, the facts.
Okay, I saw this.
This ain't opinions.
Oh, this is a business site.
Let's see, let's go back up.
Okay.
Nelly Nell.
Hey, STL, baby.
Where that band at?
If you want to go and take a ride with me.
Oh, he did that.
That's what's up, man.
Outcast 9.
All right, you can see that.
Outcast 9.
All right, you can scroll a little faster.
Beastie Boys, oh shit.
Beastie Boys.
Yeah, I didn't know they was that high.
Lil Wayne.
All right.
Let's see.
Kanye West.
That makes sense.
Drake.
Yeah, that's all right.
Let's see, two, no four.
Okay.
Jay-Z.
Damn, he hit four.
Who the fuck is Jay-Z?
I mean Jay-Z.
Okay, Tupac is number one.
I mean two.
Two, they put him at two.
They put Tupac at two because he got two.
That's not why they put him there.
Eminem is number one.
Tupac is number one.
So $61 million record.
Physical copies, yeah.
Physical.
Is it?
Sufi.
Yeah, that's it.
Y'all know nothing about that.
I don't.
I'm lying.
Back when you used to have to go to get CDs, bro.
Oh yeah.
He was my first CD though.
It's the real Slim Shady in fifth grade, yep.
My first CD was, and I'm not ashamed to admit this, Lil Bow while I was like Mike Settling
on the track, hold on, three months later I got Ludacris, Chicken and Beer.
Hell yeah.
And then I got the G-Unit mixtape.
And then it was nothing but G-Unit right after that.
Yeah, G-Unit was that shit.
I couldn't start my morning without listening to him.
What was your first?
Did you have, y'all didn't probably have?
No, I had a bootleg or so.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
People that would give you, but I didn't do CDs.
What y'all have?
Cinema, movies.
I'm sorry, I forgot about that.
All of those albums I just named were bootlegs.
I didn't buy my first real CD until like two years later and it was 50 Cent.
Give Richard a try.
Give Richard a try, yeah, yeah.
But we got cinema movies where the dude would be in the middle of it and shit.
And then you got to hope that the audio's right and hope that the dude gave you the
right CD because he'd just be like, all right, come here, bruh.
And then he'd open up his trunk and you'd be like, which one you want?
I mean, my mom would get it because I was too young at the time.
Yeah, what'd y'all get?
Man, we got it all.
I remember I saw the B-movie like that.
What else was it?
Iron Man 2, that's when we had that incident in first grade.
And like you remember with the monkey bars?
Oh yeah, we know.
Is that what we're calling it?
What does that have to do with Iron Man 2?
Because after that happened, I just went home when I couldn't walk and looked at Iron Man 2.
He was hoping somebody would provide him with an exoskeleton.
He was going to come back and beat the shit out of that man.
I would have, shit, if I had that exoskeleton, I would have blew that, you know, blew that whole place up.
You would have attacked that special needs child.
We've learned information after the fact and we know why they were at recess.
We know why they were capable of-
I'm not going to lie, they were all assholes at the time.
May have been the whole damn recess.
So y'all had your own special recess?
Oh no, this is everybody. This is normal stuff.
Oh, everybody got to go.
Oh yeah, because you remember I was just in that one thing for a minute and then I'm just in normal everywhere.
Because I was just there.
Because let me tell you now.
Brandon got bullied in that class.
Let me tell you what happened.
So when I was in there, they were like, okay, so the only reason you're here is because we know sometimes you need extra time.
So that's the only reason.
So I'd be in there and they'd be like, you good with your work? You good with all that?
Alright, just get your work done.
Now you go back to your normal classes.
And that's what I did.
The whole day I'd just walk around and people would be like, you in a special?
I ain't no special.
I thought you said, oh, it was special needs.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You crossed the line.
No, what was it then?
Special Ed.
No, I'm sorry.
Special Ed and Special Ed.
No, they're not. No, they're not.
There's a difference.
I don't know if anyone...
Well, no, it makes sense.
Okay, what's Special Ed?
Special Ed.
It's like hospice in a nursing home.
You can die at either or, but it's full time and part time.
One of what we kind of have.
Special Ed is like a little bit of some learning disabilities.
Like you need a little bit of extra time.
Or if your mind...
I mean, somebody can have dyslexia.
They can get a little bit autistic.
Or, yeah, you're just struggling a little bit.
But special needs is what everybody thinks that Special Ed is.
That's what it is.
You're starting to lose me.
What is special needs?
Special needs is when they come in on the bus.
This is when you're qualified for the Special Olympics, basically.
Brandon, weren't you on...
Didn't you say something one time about being on the bus?
Okay, listen.
Brandon, which one were you in?
I was a volunteer for the Special Olympics.
I wasn't in it.
You were an alternate.
I was an alternate.
You were the AROTC representative.
Brandon said they made me go dress up like them.
And then I had to wave at them.
I made sure everything was under control.
That's what I was to do.
I had to watch.
My other friend, he wasn't lucky though.
He had an older person.
He was like, Brandon, this dude kept trying to hug and kiss me the whole time.
I couldn't do it.
What the fuck?
I was like, are you being violated by this guy?
He couldn't even lift a word.
He couldn't stop himself.
He was like, this dude tried to buy me.
We haven't said it in all these years.
We're not going to say it now.
But me, I was smooth sailing.
I get it, Brandon.
But yes, man.
He going to hell.
Baby.
Oh yeah, man.
Especially me, they'd have to go to the lunch and be in a certain section and stuff.
Me, I was just chilling with everybody.
I was like, man, people are your special ed.
But you ate whatever they wanted.
Oh no, I didn't eat with nobody.
I ate with my friends.
I was just walking around normal.
I did everything normal.
I just had one class.
In the beginning of the day that I hated.
Sometimes if I was struggling in the class, they'd be like, do we need to sit in that class and shit with you?
I'd be like, no, I don't need to sit with you.
How long were you in that class for?
What was the class?
What were they teaching you in this class?
They didn't teach you nothing.
I was just sitting there and had time to do some work, man.
What kind of work?
Any class work.
All the class.
Now, when you were saying a few podcasts ago about the drawing the straight lines and singing, what class was that?
Can I say this?
When you said, yeah, I would go sing to old people and draw a straight line.
When you said sing to old people, I was at home.
I was cleaning my living room.
But I was playing a podcast.
My face kind of scrunched up.
Because I was like, what class is this?
And then when you said, you don't even test the desk, man, you just draw a straight line.
I almost died because I swear to God, I think I was coughing up my own esophagus.
What class was that?
What they call it is transition class.
They called it that when you were in high school.
It was transitions class.
And then there would be one thing where they had speech class, like speech therapy or something like that.
And then there was another one where you had to go to this group and read.
So it was more than one class then?
Well, yeah, when I was younger, like in first grade.
What you said in high school.
No, no, no, I'm talking about before that a little bit.
At first, it was like you had to go to the reading and then reading the group.
Brandon, can you look up transition classes?
This episode ain't going to come out, bro.
I'm telling you, y'all are wild.
This is crazy.
Transitions class, helping a student.
OK, one that is devoted to helping a student achieve post school goals, focus on training.
So, yeah, this is not bad.
No, none of it's bad.
But let me show you.
Special Ed one.
See, it does say special Ed.
It does not say special needs.
That's what they think it is.
So what does it mean?
Oh my gosh.
This I was in college for education.
The IEP program is for students with disabilities.
These classes are to teach people to work in public.
Damn, man.
This is like they teach you to like give change and like.
That's how I got out of that.
Did y'all do that?
Damn, man.
Were you in IEP?
IEP is an individualized education plan, I believe.
So it's like a plan.
If you have like a diagnosed thing, they take you.
Or are an immigrant.
Yeah, yeah.
They give you a plan.
But like IEP for 504 or whatever, that's for people that have like a learning disability.
But that's how you got to know how to do the change so well on donations.
I guess that's why.
Because now I'm a master cashier.
Because the IEP.
Look at that.
The IEP.
I didn't see it.
No, no.
Get ready to start drawing some straight lines.
Yeah, Dom has to like retransmit.
That's crazy.
I never knew that.
Ain't that wrong with it, man?
No, man.
I don't know.
Let me keep one thing for damn sure.
They didn't keep me there, alright?
That's a college man.
Oh, no. As soon as they took me out, I wanted to kind of get back in that shit.
It got rough.
Because what happened was when I was like, man, I want to get out.
And then they were like, alright, fine.
If you want to get out, whatever.
And then my papers got lost, man.
So now I got to find out where my papers are at.
Your freedom papers.
Oh.
My history tracking that I was in my IEP stuff.
So you can get the credit for it?
No, so I can get some help.
Oh.
He's trying to get back in.
When you leave IEP, they staple your medical history to you.
They're like, they're bumping into somebody who can help them.
And I called for one dude, and they're like, man, he left.
And I'm like, damn, man, that was my only hope.
Because the other ones, they in other schools that retired, that was elementary.
Yeah, man.
They're trying to make you do algebra, huh?
Yeah, man.
I'm doing an infinite math.
I'm not.
In college?
It's finite math.
My bad, finite.
That's not crazy.
I hate math.
If you have a major where you're not like STEM major, you don't need to take fucking pre-calculus.
For real?
Yeah, I mean, it doesn't make sense.
Because I was like, I'm in communications, and they give me all these math classes.
But how many did they give you? Did they just give you finite?
No, sadly, sadly, I do other ones.
I gotta keep going back.
Dude, I had to go through for all my semesters because I'm at the junior year now.
Your boy is passing.
Oh, shit.
Well, he's in it.
Not yet.
I'm in a little...
That's why we're trying to get back into the special ed.
Once I get back in, we're smooth selling.
But yeah, man, dude, I had to take a bunch of other math classes.
And I had one.
One of them I've passed by default because apparently he didn't know what he was doing,
and everybody in that class failed.
And every time, he would always...
Because what he would do is just come in there and be like, hey, class, this is what we're doing today.
He'd sit down and eat his fat ass candy and then look at us like we stupid.
And then we'd be like, hey, man, we don't know.
He'd be like, hey, hey, what's the problem?
I don't get what the problem is.
And then one day he got fired, right?
And he walked up to us and was like, oh, so y'all just going to fire me?
We were like...
I have a question.
You said he eats his fat ass candy.
Yes.
Are you calling him a fat ass or is he eating fat ass candy?
Both, man.
He pulls up and just eat as much candy as he wants, man.
I'd be like, well, damn.
Brandon was just jealous.
Yeah.
I'm like, oh, he's going to eat, but I can't eat.
Like when that teacher was cussing us out and they're like, what was it?
Eighth grade with his Logan Roadhouse head ass.
And I'm like, you look here, bro.
Logan's Roadhouse.
Yeah, because his head was like a dinner roll.
And there's Texas Roadhouse.
He went to Logan's Roadhouse.
That's what I grew up on.
I think that's what it's called, though.
No, no, there's Logan's and then there's Texas Roadhouse.
I think it's called Logan's Roadhouse.
It is.
Yeah.
There is a place called Logan's.
Oh, yeah, dude, I literally grew up at Logan's.
That's not what's funny about it.
But dude, he would always cuss.
I'm like, wait a minute, man.
Wait a minute.
I rolled my hand up like you.
I was like, yo, so if you can cuss, then can I cuss?
And he's like, no, man.
I was like, then why are you, why, why, why, why, why not?
How come I can't cuss?
But you can't?
Because this is my damn room.
You got to probably get the fuck out.
I'm like, OK, all right, goodbye.
And then I came back next day because I have to.
That's a valid point of view.
But what math class was that dude teaching?
Oh, the dude that cussed us out?
Oh, no, that was a science teacher.
Oh, no, the fat ass candy dude.
Fat ass candy.
Dude, it's big.
That was in college though, right?
Yes, definitely college.
He was back.
Was it the finite or a different one?
No, it was a different one.
But I don't remember what it was.
Was it before or after the finite?
Before.
It was like my first semester there.
So look up college math classes from start to end.
Counting.
Oh, I can show you.
My eyes are saying.
How?
All I got to do is search up end.
No, that's too much.
College math courses.
Lower.
Entry level.
Yeah.
There we go.
You don't have to be A and M. It could be.
Lower level?
Yeah, lower level.
Okay.
Damn, I think that actually was it.
That was the one.
I'm not fucking around.
That was actually, yeah.
Yeah, it was algebra then.
That's a hard one.
Yeah, they put letters in that shit, didn't they?
Yes, they did.
Dude, that's they doing infinite math and squares.
What the fuck?
Squares.
Like actual squares?
Yes, like doing like shapes and stuff too.
Oh, geometry.
A little bit of geometry.
I hate geometry though.
I can't stand that shit.
Dude, I suck at math.
That's why I'm in all this to begin with.
And because apparently, yeah, they thought I was an autistic.
And the speech and the reading.
Yeah, TH is in, what is it, the S.
Yeah.
Yeah, those two.
Yeah, I know.
But.
He said what is it?
Dude, I remember in third grade, I'd be in there struggling.
She'd be like, okay, bro, I'm gonna go to college.
I'm gonna go to college.
And she'd be like, I'm gonna go to college.
I'm gonna go to college.
And she'd be like, I'm gonna go to college.
And I'd be in there struggling.
She'd be like, okay, Brandon, practice your TH's and everything.
I'd be trying that all day.
And she'd be like, good, and now you can get a toy from the box.
And you're like, hell yeah, man.
Who did this?
Oh, the speech class.
Oh, okay.
What grade was this?
Second grade.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, man, dude.
I still get action figures to this day, man.
You know, wrestling, look at all that.
If you were like, I was a sophomore in high school.
Yeah.
Yeah, then they did.
I was like, I got a toy and sophomore, I'd be like, this is weird, man.
You would've took it.
Dude, I had a spe- yes, I would've took it.
I still get them now, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Turned out an action figure.
I had a special dude tell me I was special, man.
Do you remember when you were-
He was like, from special dude to special dude, you special as hell.
And I was like, what are you talking about?
How did he say it exactly?
He was like, listen, man, so I went up to him, I was like, dude, do you think that these
people say I'm special?
He was like, dude, yes.
Do you see how the teachers treat you, Brandon?
They're so nice to you and friendly.
You think they're friendly?
Do you think they're friendly like that for no reason?
I was like, dude, I'm sorry.
He was-
He was sentient?
Yeah, he was straight up autistic.
He was like, dude, I'm straight up autistic.
He said he was sentient?
Yeah.
Jesus.
He was like, I'm straight up autistic.
I know you were a little autistic, Brandon.
He was like, dude, you see how everybody treats you, bruh?
He seemed like he had a pretty big level of awareness to-
Oh yeah.
He was just autistic.
To recognize- but he said he was- how special was he, though?
Not the worst, just autistic.
That's not crazy.
No, that ain't-
Hey, we're a little autistic, right?
Who isn't, bruh?
Hey, everybody's a little autistic.
Are you guys on the spectrum?
Yeah.
How much Red 40 have I drank in my life, too?
How much Red 40 have I drank today?
And I really do have to get a test, though.
Test for what?
Autism, man.
We gotta see.
It's just too damn far.
We can probably pull-
We got bags.
On one of our next solo episodes, I'll try to look up an autism test and you can take
it on-
Oh, dude, I already take that one.
Dude, we can probably take a quick one right now.
What'd they say?
Flying colors.
Are they quick?
Flying colors.
Look up, 10 question autism test.
You know, dude, what the fuck was that?
I have no idea what that was.
Was that a wolf or something?
What the fuck?
Did you hear that?
I don't know.
No, no, no.
That's a game.
Oh.
I can't have that shit again, man.
Dude, honestly, this would be hilarious.
We could do it as its own video.
From my college, I got this textbook for teaching kids with special needs and it has a practice,
I think it's called the ASM or something.
It tests where you are on the autism spectrum.
Well, let's, we should all take it.
Oh, yeah.
I'll take it.
You and Alex?
Dude, this is my fiancee's name, Athena's Care.
What the fuck?
That's, she got the job.
Okay, let's see.
Number one.
It's starting to make sense now.
Number one.
Does any of this relate to you?
Number one.
I often notice small sounds when others do not.
I mean, yeah, man, I slightly agree to that.
I usually concentrate more on the whole picture rather than the small details.
I agree.
I definitely agree to that.
I find it easy to do more than one thing at once.
Yeah, man, we can do that shit.
If there is an interruption, I can switch back what I was doing very quickly.
Neutral.
But I just put slightly agree.
Number five.
I find it easy to read between the lines when someone is talking.
Okay, I disagree slightly.
I got to be honest, man.
I know how to tell if someone's listening to me is getting bored.
Yeah, I agree with that.
When I'm reading a story, I find it difficult to work out the character's intentions.
So what does that mean?
Like the message?
Like what they're trying to do.
Okay, I mean, I slightly agree with that.
Hey, dog, it's all right.
I agree.
Wrap it up.
I don't know if you can agree with that, Brandon.
Wrap it up.
No.
I don't think you know what that means.
You're right.
I should have disagreed.
Go on, scroll up.
Just scroll up.
All right.
Let's see.
Oh, you can.
I don't see.
Wait, maybe I can't go back.
No, no, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
I like to collect information about categories of things.
Figurine.
Dude, hell yeah.
I definitely agree with that.
I bet you do.
I find it easy to work out what someone is thinking or feeling just by looking in their
face.
Yeah.
I guess, right?
You gotta answer, right?
That didn't sound very confident.
I don't know.
I feel like it's okay to say no.
I'm gonna tell you with my face.
Niggas, you crazy.
Is that the face that you're making?
Like niggas, you crazy face?
Yes.
Okay, I agree.
I agree.
I got it right, right?
I got it.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I got it.
There's nothing wrong with that.
There's no way to do this.
I find it difficult to work out people's intentions.
So okay.
I find it difficult to work out people's intentions.
I find it difficult.
Do I find it difficult?
I disagree.
Yeah, man.
I don't find it difficult.
He's thinking about the two of these.
All right.
Thank you for taking the quiz.
Based on your response, you may not meet criteria for autism definition.
It seems wrong to us.
Thank God.
No, no, no.
No, no.
You know, you took the test wrong.
I did.
I cheated.
100% didn't know what someone was saying.
You chute yourself out of your head.
If a professional was giving him the test, they would have stopped after the first question.
Yeah, I may have cheated a little bit.
I got it.
We're going to do that though, JJ.
We're going to take the test you got in your book.
Yeah, I'm down.
I'll bring it.
I still got it.
We could do it.
Okay.
Dom is going to get a diagnosis he doesn't like, dude.
Oh, I'm down.
I know I'm going to ace it though.
I'm down.
You're down.
I'm going to ace it.
It's like you do math and shit, right?
No.
No, dude.
There's no math.
Oh, I thought it did.
Unless you get a perfect score, then...
Right.
Then it raises an eyebrow.
So it's just like questions like these.
There might also be an IQ test in there.
Let's do that.
If you want to take that one.
I want to take an IQ test.
What if Brandon has a 145 IQ, dude?
What do you think you got?
That's good.
That's really good.
What do you think you got?
I don't even know.
100 is average.
Yeah.
Alabama average is 94.
Okay, then we definitely pass 94.
Let's give it a 105.
Okay, you say 105?
I'd say I'm probably like 115.
Okay.
Damn.
That's like, that's really smart.
I will say this.
If I'm just...
I'm serious.
I will get 115, dude.
I'm going to say 99.
That's what you are?
That's what I'm going to say.
That way, whenever y'all take this, I'm not embarrassed like y'all dumbasses.
I feel good about myself.
Now, 100 is the average.
And two standard deviations above is considered like genius level.
And two standard deviations below is considered, I'm really trying to think of another word
than the one that's coming up.
Of your catchmiter.
Dumpiant?
Dumpiant.
Simple.
Why'd you point at Brandon?
He has the joke about it.
Not because I'm calling him.
That's why you glad they listening when they called you...
So, a 130 is genius.
A 70 is simple.
And then what's a 110?
That's not insignificant smarter than the average person.
I don't know exactly, but you're probably in the top 20% of people.
Yeah, definitely in the top 20% of people.
I don't know.
Definitely.
I don't know.
What do you think you are?
You already did it.
No, I didn't take it.
Okay.
You administer it to somebody else.
What do you think yours is?
I'd just say 100, dude.
Just rate the average.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm smarter than all you most people.
That's why I went low.
If you look at the bell curve, it's all within 95 to 105 for the most part.
That's like 90% of people is in that.
Okay.
And you saying you at the top of that?
Yeah, I just said 105.
That's where I put it at.
I'm changing mine from 110 to 105.
I'm smarter than most people, but dumber than a lot of them.
Yeah, if you have 100, I mean you're smack dab in the middle.
I know this has nothing to do with the other.
Maybe it's just the black in me.
When I say, nigga, you can't read.
So you should really humble yourself when you're talking about these things.
You think that matters.
No, I don't think-
You have to understand the question.
You can't ask for help.
First of all, I can read.
All right, I just want to put that out there.
I can read.
I can't say some words.
I know what they mean.
It was EID.
I couldn't see it.
It was IEP.
Okay, whatever.
I'm going up with this nigga.
Leave me alone.
105, that's 105.
Well, I'm going to get higher than you without a doubt.
You're going to be like 96 and 97.
No way.
I'm above that average.
You're all going to have this Jordan IQ, dude.
Dom's getting his IQ number mixed up with his cholesterol number.
All right.
I don't even know what that is, but that was high.
I got pills in there for it.
I don't take them.
Oh, shit.
All right.
Oh my gosh, dude.
That's going to be fun, man.
Yeah, that's going to be fun.
But we all need to make sure we take the test with the same questions.
That way it's like a better-
And we have somebody-
Score it.
So watch.
So if Syfy's in here, you're in here.
Whenever you're in here, I'm in here.
You know what I'm saying?
A governor.
A proctor.
Yeah.
Alex probably had the best by default.
Or we can just take it online.
That's wild.
Yeah.
What is this, like make sure nobody's cheating?
You have a watch over?
Yeah.
Yeah, pulling out the phones or-
I want Jake to take them too.
Jake, yeah.
Jake, Jake.
I don't know.
Who do you think?
You think you're smarter than Jake?
He's smarter than me.
He's probably going to get a higher score than me.
You think you are?
I think he would either get crazy high or like shockingly average.
That's what I'm thinking.
He's dangerous.
He flies too confident.
Yeah.
I think so too.
Oh, boy.
Okay, so if you're going to get Jake, I want Dante in there.
Oh, without a doubt.
I want Dante now.
I want to see where we're at.
Now that's 130 territory.
We don't want to see him work it.
We don't want to see him control it now.
Let's get someone not mentally handicapped.
He's thinking.
Who's the perfect control?
Charlie, you think?
No.
Well, no, Charlie.
I think Charlie.
I don't know.
I was thinking about it.
I was going to say Charlie's smart, but he told me he's not like good in certain matters.
Who's the most average?
Ian Miller, you think?
He's a good control.
Oh, man.
He's real smart.
Yeah, I would say he's smarter than that.
I would say like Alumbra.
No, he's so bad.
Yeah.
Straight middle of the pack.
Yeah.
Just the most average intelligence.
Dan.
Dan's smart.
Dan's business savvy.
You don't think?
No, he's smart.
I want you to look at that camera and tell Dan why he's not smart.
No, no, I'm not saying Dan's not smart.
This is why you're a fucking idiot, Dan.
I'm just saying Dan probably is in the middle of the pack on IQ.
I'm thinking he has at least 115, dude.
You think Dan has 115?
No, he doesn't.
Dan's a smart dude, bro.
Yeah, he'll tell you he ain't got no 115.
I would bullshit when I say 110 because I don't even know what that means.
But look it up.
I feel like he's almost insulting.
You said look up what?
Trying to figure out who has the most middle.
115 you're saying is like smart shit.
Intelligence.
115 IQ.
Just look up average IQ score.
Okay.
Average IQ score.
Because I'm pretty sure it's 100.
Maybe I'm completely off.
But from what I remember, 100 is pretty much the baseline.
Yeah.
85 to 114.
Oh, okay.
Well, yeah, he could be 115, man.
But if it's like.
Oh, so 145 and above is highly gifted.
Oh.
But if you receive an IQ score of around 100, then you have what is considered an average IQ.
So I guess depending on the test that you take, the scores vary.
Oh, then I'm going to get, I'm sticking with 110.
Now I'm looking at this, I'm sticking with 110.
For sure.
Look at that graph, Brandon.
All right.
Look at that chart.
Oh, so what we do, we get all the people we're going to get to take it, right?
And then everybody guesses the other person's what they think they're going to get.
And then we were.
I like this.
Yeah.
I like that idea.
We need to get like at least 10 people to take the test.
At least 10 people to take the test.
Yeah.
We got 10.
So we got us right here.
That's five.
Jake, Charlie, Dante, Dan.
I want Dan.
I don't know.
He might be busy though.
But if he can take it, Dan and Jake.
You already said Jake, right?
Jake, Charlie, Dante, Mike sales.
Mike sales.
For sure.
What about Pat?
Watch Mike get a 135 or something.
Huh?
Pat.
Well, that'd be a good one.
Yeah.
I think there's no funny business.
There's no cheating.
That's why we're going to be, that's why we're going to proctor.
Oh, we should film it like it's a whole school.
It's a clown college school.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
I like that.
Like a little reality bit.
Yeah.
And we can even have a booth for them where they, how they feel about it before they go
in and how they feel after.
Confessionals?
A little confessional.
This could be, this will be our skit.
Damn.
Wait, you know, have you got, I don't know if y'all have seen it.
I think it's, and this is not a joke or diss.
I think it's like with the, like a younger generation now, like people who are in high
school or college now, they do the thing where they go up to them and they record and like,
what are you about to get on this test?
And they're like, oh, a hundred.
And it just like cuts and it's like 33 out of a hundred.
And it does it for everybody.
And the highest score is usually always like a 62.
Yeah.
Okay.
So we'll get this.
I feel like you're scared so far.
No, I'm not scared.
That's what I'm saying.
You said a hundred though.
So like, just think, I mean, if you get below a hundred, we will all call you.
I'll tell you this.
Let me do some research.
The amount, the, the grades I got in school, I'm not worried.
I said, I said 99 because JJ said 100 was average.
Yeah.
So you're saying below average.
So I said, I'm going to undersell that way.
Whatever I do get.
Woo.
What I'm saying is.
What if he goes under his sandbag?
Yeah.
What I'm saying is when you misspell your name on the test, Dom, when you can't spell
your own fucking name, that's automatically going to do that.
Is this the test?
These are examples I'm looking at.
It's probably just like pattern recognition.
Oh, that's it.
No, that one's for Dom.
See those pizzas?
That one has pepperoni.
Where?
That's half cheese, that pepperoni.
He said, where?
I think Brandon will get a good score.
I truly do.
I disagree.
No, it's not.
It's look, Brandon, I'm bullshitting on my score.
I might get lower.
Same.
But.
What is this Mike?
He's starting to lose confidence.
The more he thinks, he saw it and he's like, I might get low.
He said, hold on, these niggas got shapes.
Hold up.
He was bad at geometry.
Brandon, click this one.
Which one?
This one, this dead center to your right.
Right here?
No, down.
To your right.
There you go.
Click it.
There you go.
Dom saw that and said, hold on, that looks like a nipple ring.
I don't know what I'm doing.
That's half of a swastika in the right top right.
You got half of a swastika.
Two nipple rings, a question mark, some wheat.
Yeah.
A shower head.
Charlie's nose on the bottom.
These look like dashboard lights on a European car.
These are some weird ass questions, man.
These look like hieroglyphics.
We're going to do that.
We're going to get prepared for that.
That's going to be awesome.
I'm going to study.
Is that math or?
I'm not bullshitting.
Dom lost so much confidence.
He's like, I didn't like the shapes.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Hold on, hit that one.
Matrix C. Right here, Mensa.
Nope, I said Matrix C. Mensa, right here.
Go down.
Matrix C.
Down to the left.
I'm on the left.
Down one, down one, to the right.
That one, that one.
Oh my God, how?
There it is.
How?
How, dog?
I need some damn glasses.
You said he's going to do good.
How, dog?
I just wanted to see what they were.
There's levels of good.
Good is relative.
If you get an 85, Brandon, I'll be so proud of you.
No, I'm serious.
If you get an 85, I am extremely proud of you.
Now I got to get a hundred.
I got to try to get a hundred.
Brandon's like, I got a hundred.
I got a perfect score.
Oh God.
All right, well, we got to end this thing.
We've been going on too long.
What episode was this?
This is episode 35.
Is it 35?
I think so.
Thank you all for tuning in.
Thank you.
See you next week.
Yerp.
Oh God.
Brandon was like, is this episode of Seven?