This week on Clown College.
So, we're gonna go back in time a little bit.
Years back.
This was around middle school and I was still a fat child.
I remember the day like it was yesterday when my mom gave me my first phone which was a
flip phone and the reason she gave me this was because of the normal reason that everybody
got a flip phone because they were too scared of you looking at porn and sex and weed and
all other bad shit maybe even people dying.
And you saw that stop my black ass hell?
Fucking no man I'm a fucking rebel.
You know what I did?
I went down to the dollar store.
I said I ain't no bitch.
And then I went down to the man I was like let me get this cell phone right here.
And that was the start of a new chain.
Then I got another cell phone.
Then my mom even gave me another cell phone.
And I started hiding phones everywhere through the house.
You know what I mean?
She would come to me.
She'd be like son.
Son hey I like your new flip phone.
I'd be like yeah you have no fucking idea.
And I'd wait till like one o'clock in the morning.
Everybody's asleep.
That's when you can pull out the phone.
I'd go under there.
Grab it.
Look at it.
And then we'd just yank away.
Yank, yank, yank, yank, yank.
And then we'd see some other shit too that pops up that we weren't.
Oh!
And then my mom started knocking on the door.
My mom had long hated me.
I was holding this dull gradient hair doing unexpected tricks.
And she was like Boyichtet drunk.
Oh baby, you're going to sound like.
You're a couple we've already met.
You're still her to time.
Her name is
I'm her
It's with Brandon Wills, gotta change it.
But we had fun at the water park.
It's the white curse.
Yes we did.
Did you have fun Brandon?
Man, you know, it was life changing.
Brandon, you learned how to swim.
Yes I did.
You tightened up your swimming, huh?
Yes I did, and it wasn't in anything.
It was in the wave pool, man.
So now I know how to do that ocean shit.
So I can be like the lifeguard saving.
You should cut now.
No, I got it now.
It's good.
But yeah, Brandon almost got taken out to sea
in the wave pool, man.
I thought he was gonna be the first dead man
to ever get out of the water park.
I got scared at first because like, dude,
so they have a thing that when the wave starts to form,
it goes like beep, like a big rain.
And if you're not the best swimmer, you hear this rain,
you're going to fucking run.
And that's what the fuck I did.
So I ran all the way down to at least the free foot pool
with the kids, and I got smacked the most out of everybody.
Got my ass whooped.
That's when they started peeking, dude,
and they would just crash.
And Brandon in the chest, he was like.
He did that exact face.
He was so mad.
He was like, what the hell?
Yeah, man.
What the fuck?
It was too much for a minute, man.
By the end, you were Aquaman.
Oh yeah, I was a fucking pro.
Because of you.
You helped me.
Because you were like, Brandon, all you gotta do is
paddle and do that.
Move the water, manipulate the water.
And then you said, and then one thing,
you said this, you put your arm out.
You were like, hold on to my arm for a second, man.
And that helped.
OK, so you said that Dom taught you how to swim by saying
that you had to paddle and move the water.
What the fuck did you think it was before?
But you don't know until you're in there, JJ.
He just needed to realize if you just move the water,
move your feet a little bit.
Yes.
See, when I first started swimming, that was my problem.
I didn't move my feet enough.
So I was just using all upper body strength.
It's probably why I'm massive and swollen now.
But.
Damn.
I will.
You are both of those things, but not in the way
that you're blunt.
But yeah, you got to move your feet a little bit.
Makes it way easier, right?
Yeah, it was way better.
I mean, at first, I thought I was going to low key die.
But we made it, man.
Because it was six feet.
So yeah.
Six feet from there.
Exactly.
Well, you can drown in like half a foot of water.
Oh, I agree.
You could drown in the sink.
You could drown anywhere, man.
You could drown in the shower.
You could drown in the shower?
You can.
It'd be hard.
If it got clogged up.
If you just stood right there in front of the fucking thing.
You didn't care about life.
You open up your nose holes.
It's over.
You're a damn fucking man.
Open them up.
Man, that was a crazy ass experience.
Now you tried to get me on the slide
saying that's for another day.
Those same things.
But the thing about the slide, man,
is that there's no deep pool at the end.
Not even all of them go into a pool.
And the one that did was like mid-die level.
You would have been fine, dude.
Would you worry you was going to fly off the slide?
Yes.
I was worried.
Because I had a bad experience last time
when I was at Point Mound as a kid.
So I was trying to impress the lifeguard.
Thought I was a, I don't know why when I was a kid,
I thought that when I was eating shit,
I would try to talk to older people.
It was weird.
But I got on the donut and I started going down.
And instantly, when I went halfway down, I flipped over.
So now the donut is riding me.
And my face is just scrubbing against the floor.
And then I fall in and start panicking and drowning.
Because I'm short back then, right?
And fat.
And then she comes out and saves my ass.
And I'm like, damn, I was trying to impress you.
But whatever.
And I didn't swim after that.
That was it.
You did the old Revenge of the Nerds thing,
let her revive you, get a kiss in?
Man, I should have done that.
I wasn't thinking back then.
I should have acted dead.
So you just laid down the thing on your face.
Yes.
In the end, dude, I feel like I was going to fly out.
And I feel like next time, especially now
that I'm much a bigger massive guy, if I flip around,
I could die and fly out.
What's wrong with you all today, man?
Why you guys just trying to be like, I'm swole as fuck, dude.
I'll beat anybody.
What's up, Brad?
Look at that.
Oh my gosh.
It looked like you got shot, dude.
Oh my gosh.
It's hot day.
It's hot.
It's hot day, dude.
It's hot.
It's hot as a motherfucker.
I'm sweaty.
You should have seen me at the park, man.
So that's where y'all went to the pool.
So Brandon, you know he went to another pool party.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I went to another pool.
He doubled up on the pool in the day.
Did you go in the deep end?
Oh, dude, the deepest pool they have is Slide Feet, thankfully.
Yeah, I went with my girl in the community pool in Harvest.
And man, I had a blast.
Is that a public pool or is that like a?
No, it's in the neighborhood.
It's in the gated community.
Yeah, I did about two hours in there.
Then I took off, had a good time, went home, got back
in the water, the shower.
Then I went to bed.
No, actually, no.
I listened to music videos till 3 in the morning.
It was fun.
I know why he did that.
Yes, you do.
We had a great time, man.
He doubled up on something else, too.
Oh, he doubled up on the crowns.
Yeah, the crowns, the caps.
The jewels.
And stems.
Yep, yep, yep.
If you catch the drift.
Like royalty, man, you got to have that cap.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Or graduation.
What's up?
Yeah.
We'll graduate.
Royalty have caps.
They have crowns.
You said who?
Crowns.
Who has crowns?
Royalty.
Oh, royalty, yeah, man.
Like you got the prince of crowns.
You're the one who brought up the crowns.
It's a strain.
King Charles.
Who's your favorite like king or queen of all time?
My favorite king.
Real life, though.
Oh, man, you got me off and say Burger King, man.
Let me think.
Oh my gosh.
Damn, man.
That is real life.
I'm Dairy Queen over Burger King, dude.
I got to agree with that because the fucking blizzards.
I love blizzards.
Fuck the blizzards.
Bad take.
But my favorite king, I mean, damn, man.
My favorite king.
Maybe that's the only one I know.
What is it?
There's a King Charles, right?
Yeah, that's the new king.
I think there's a few of them, dude.
Oh, shit.
And there we go.
I'll pick him.
The new one or the old one?
The new one touches kids, so I think the new one you would like.
New one?
I'm not the new one.
Allegedly.
No, I don't think he.
Well, his son did or nephew.
No, his brother.
His brother?
Prince Andrew was the one touching kids.
Not Charles.
Charles killed his wife.
Wait, who's Charles?
He killed Princess Diana.
You said Prince Charles or King Charles?
Prince.
He used to be Prince.
Well, who's the king now?
Charles.
Oh, shit.
Charles is a.
He's the one that killed Diana.
That's the king?
Oh, he killed Diana Ross?
It was the queen.
I mean, my bad, not Diana Ross.
Sorry.
Who was the queen?
Princess Diana?
Man, fuck him.
Then I can't be his favorite.
No, I don't think he did it.
He just divorced her.
No.
Oh, he divorced her?
Well, this is the one I know, so I got to pick him.
Why'd they divorce?
He was fucking somebody else, Camilla.
What, dude?
He's a fucking king.
Yeah, I mean, what are you going to do?
But he liked Camilla more.
I don't know why Princess Diana was like that.
Yeah.
She was that bitch.
That's insensitive to call her Princess Diana, dude.
Why?
Yeah, she did die.
Dude, maybe you know what I hate more than anything?
I know people shit on Disney adults and stuff.
Adults who are obsessed with the royal family,
even if you are from Britain, that I understand.
That's more than that.
But if you're over here, bro, you're a fucking dude.
Skill is you, bro.
They watch that, what's it called, coronation.
And it's like eight hours.
Damn.
And people lived on that shit.
I know a girl actually from here.
And she's all up on these people.
And they don't even matter anymore.
We're 48th in education, man.
That is true.
We don't got a lot of smart people out here.
Dude, they had that map going around.
It was like the IQs based on states.
And I didn't even see what all the other states was.
I just looked at the bottom two, and they were right
by each other, Alabama and Mississippi.
Oh, dude.
And they were bottom.
I think it was like 94 was Mississippi, and 95 was Alabama.
And everybody else, nobody had anything lower than 90.
No, there was one other one.
I think it was Arkansas was like 97.
Oh, dude.
Damn.
Yeah.
It's fucking Arkansas.
Yeah, but everybody else had 99.
I think the average is like 100.
Yeah.
We're six points below the average, dude.
Makes sense, man.
We're going to get up there.
There's never been like a president from Alabama.
Nothing, dude.
Really?
What, Jimmy Carter?
He's from Georgia.
Oh, close enough.
He's a Georgia boy, dude.
I just got so excited, man.
Why?
I forgot we had this bad boy right here, dude.
We're going to open some Pokemon cards, man.
This is about to pay for all our cameras.
It's not going to pay at all.
We have rainbow.
We get a Rink key light.
Oh, yeah.
We're going to get the secret rare, Rainbow Charizard live.
Pokemon TCG Paradox Rift Pack.
Show it up there.
Now, let me show you, dude.
This is how you do the pack trick for this series, dude.
Let me tell you.
Dude, I feel like an actual Pokey.
I feel like Logan Paul.
Don't rip the cards now.
Oh, please don't, man.
We didn't do that.
You don't understand.
They make them hyper durable these days.
Damn, I feel like Brandon right now.
Yeah, this is me with the breast.
Sorry, guys.
This normally doesn't happen.
I'm going to collect it myself.
Fuck, my bad.
Damn, Brandon.
You got scissors over there, dude.
Dude, right here, you got a pin.
You can poke it.
I got a safety pin.
I got a Tic Tac, man, if you want to poke it.
That's not a Tic Tac.
I mean, thumbtack.
My bad.
Oh, I got it.
I got it.
My bad.
Sorry for the delay.
All right, so guys, this is the thing.
One at a time.
You open it, and this is the first card you're going to see.
This is the trainer card, dude.
And in all the cool videos, they show them
because it has this code on it.
And people, if you like Pokemon and you do the website thing,
you can get the code off of it.
So give away.
Yeah, give away.
And then you got to take one card from the back,
put it in the front.
That's going to be our energy, dude.
We got basic energy.
Is that good?
No.
All right, basic energy.
OK, we got Swablu.
These really don't matter at all.
PNC here, dude.
That fire type.
Wiglet.
You remember Diglet?
Yeah.
They made a water version.
He's in the water.
OK.
Just a little squirpy in that thing.
Passing this one.
OK.
Hell yeah, dude.
All right.
Zebstrika.
Uh-oh.
Whatever that is.
Krakalor.
I don't know.
Oh, dude, this one's pretty sick.
Oh, it's 100.
Abso.
What's the name of it?
His name's Abso.
Abso?
Yeah, like Abso, but like, you know, not.
Oh, then we got this shit.
Let's see what we got.
Oh, dude, look at that.
Norman?
Who the fuck is Norman, bro?
We got Norm MacDonald.
Oh, shit.
This one actually might be good.
Sometimes these trainer cards are good.
I don't know.
Brandon, can you look this up, dude?
I got you.
What's her name?
Parasol Lady Trainer Card.
It's a secret rare, I think.
Shut the fuck up.
It's not in the night.
See, it's like $238 out of $120 something.
Dude, am I?
This is $152 out of $182.
Let's see.
Look at the price.
That's the card.
$1195, you're looking out for that one.
But let's see.
$20.
I made money back, dude.
Yes, you did.
Look at PSA 10, dude.
This is in pretty good condition.
Yeah, that is.
Are we going to be able to pay for the camera?
You got some worth $20.
Let's see.
That's.
The centering is good on this one.
Let's see.
This is not off.
PST.
OK, OK.
What about the $100 one?
Well, that fucking sucks.
Let's see here.
It does?
Yeah, this is the only one that matters.
Or maybe I'm wrong.
Wait, what does that look like again?
Look, $64.
Is a white woman or maybe, I don't know.
Number 255, what number is this one?
$238.
$238?
Hold up, let's find out.
Yep.
Oh, look at that.
$74.
Oh my god.
You can get close to $75.
Oh, shit.
First reveal, baby.
Gang.
Hell, gang, gang.
$100 one, though.
That's not a gang.
That's a cool Pokemon, dude.
Yo, if you want to get that graded,
you can join me when I grade these Michael Jordan cards.
Can I trust you to keep it over there, man?
Hell, yeah, man.
I'm going to get a sleeve for it and shit.
Hey, hey.
I'm going to hook it up.
Take that with your life.
That has to go in the funds after all the money we hemorrhaged.
Oh, yeah.
I also got some good news, man.
We're going to make some bank because, listen,
I got that card.
I went to this thrift shop.
And I got, like, he had a box of 1991, 1992 NBA cards.
And he was like, how much you want for it?
He was like, just give me $5 for the whole thing.
And I looked in there, and I got a bunch of Ladybirds and,
who else had?
Dominique.
I had a bunch of great stars.
And I think the Ladybird, let me show you the Ladybird real quick.
Dude, it's like, hold on, man.
It might be.
Brandon made a million dollars?
I mean, if I get it graded right, that's
going to be worth like a couple hundred.
You know which card it is?
Like, how to put it in?
1991, Flair.
I think Flair is like the big deal one.
Yep, right here.
I see 149.
Oh.
Damn, OK, Brandon.
Hell, well, yeah.
We got up to 200, dude.
Hell, yeah.
And I got like three of those.
We should just start buying Pokemon cards, dude.
Sports cards.
Yeah, I'm down.
Well, sports cards, I have Pokemon you just got to open.
Yeah.
Man, you got to bring me back to my roots, man.
Sports cards, you got to do too much research.
Research, dude.
Yeah.
You would have to look up every one
because you know what's good in here.
Yeah.
Well, I kind of have an idea.
I really don't know that much about it.
But it is more obvious with these, I would say.
If you got something good, worth something.
There was a while back, it was like 2019, 2020 or something,
when Zion Williamson was a rookie,
he had this one like black diamond card
that was worth like 70 grand.
It was a one of one.
Damn.
And it had like the Jersey Patch thing in it.
Oh, I love those.
And it had his signature or whatever.
And it was just in a regular pack of cards?
This fucking kid was like 10 or something.
And he opens it up and he's like, this is fucking shitty.
And he throws it away.
I think he threw it away, dude.
You can look that up.
So which one is it again?
I got you.
Kid packs Zion Williamson.
Oh, yeah, I got his card too.
It's not worth anything now.
Yeah, but this was when he had the most fucking hype.
He's the most hype draft pick since I was.
Let's see.
And you said the one with the.
Oh shit.
More than Wimberley?
Wimbenyana, yeah.
He was pretty hype.
But I don't know if to me, the hype around Zion Williamson
was crazy.
Kid, let me put the story.
You know, I actually bought one for $150.
And then as soon as I got it, what I hate
is because you know how the process went.
He was really good.
And then like fell back a little bit.
Man, I lost money.
Now I'm 50.
What the fuck is that first video?
Is this it?
Zion Williamson destroys his kids.
You got to see that?
Yeah, it's stand up.
He destroying his kids every day if he's shooting them out.
He's an amazing athlete.
So I watch clips of him on YouTube.
But I don't watch his clips at Duke.
I watch his clips from high school because it's fascinating.
He was the same exact size.
And he just destroys these little white kids.
It's the most hilarious thing to watch.
If you ever need a palette plans from police brutality videos,
watch Zion Williamson playing high school basketball.
It is like a white lives don't matter video.
It is just.
Who is this?
Oh, this is Ted Alexander.
He's giving back.
He could have played any sport, man, with that build.
He should have played football.
Yeah, he could have been the greatest.
I'm going to do nothing.
There's no way you're that big and you're jumping on those knees
and everything is going to be all right.
Yeah, dude, don't get them eventually.
Should not wrestle in man.
She had fast like that wrestling wrestling, dude.
I know it's like people say it's fake or whatever,
but they got to do so many shows a year.
And it's hard on your body.
Hell, yeah, dude bumping around doing it.
And it's not that fake because like, listen, it is like it's
predetermined.
But when they fight, man, they really
getting hit with this stuff.
And like those cuts you see a real because sometimes
even when you see them bleeding, dude,
they got razor blades under their tongues and stuff
that they got to pull out and cut them at the perfect moment.
And then you got to choreograph it all
and talk to the dude while you guys are fighting.
It's a lot.
I take my hat off to the Undertaker, man.
And these guys right here, fucking mans.
What do you think Snake Roberts is up to?
Man, you can never know these days, man.
He had a wild ride, great recovery.
Man, he's probably.
Oh, actually, I know what he's doing.
He do comedy now, man.
Really?
He does stand up.
He goes on tours and stuff.
Oh, shit.
That's my goal, dude.
If I met him, man.
That'd be it.
Shit, that would be definitely one day.
I tell you.
Hell, yes.
You hear that, man?
Bring that snake and come on down and meet some Brandon.
Paul.
Yeah, which snake you talking about, Brandon?
The python, man.
The fucking cobra.
That corn snake.
The snake snake.
The one that he would throw on the people.
The one that he lost in the hotel when he was staying there.
And it went down the toilet and scared everybody.
Diamond Dollar Page.
That's his.
I remember his wife.
Like, he left it in their house.
That made it more clear then.
Yeah, so he had a snake when he was staying
at Diamond Dollar Page's house.
And then, like, got stuck in the toilet or something.
Eventually came back out scared the shit out of the wife
and everybody.
And that's saying something, because I don't fuck with snakes.
You guys know this.
We're going to, oh, oh, should we
announce what we're going to do for our last show on this one?
Or should we wait?
No, we can wait, dude.
We can wait, dude.
Oh, I forgot to ask Ben.
He has a position on the fucking board.
That's what I meant.
You know what I meant to ask him is, like, you're on the board.
How much of a piece of shit is sci-fi?
And I didn't ask him.
I think he would have been like, he's the fucking,
he's so hard to deal with.
Yeah.
That's what he said off the record, off camera,
was that sci-fi was a piece of shit.
Just want you to know.
Also, want to give shout outs to Dan, JJ, sci-fi.
They were, Dan directed this fucking skit.
And sci-fi and JJ are the main characters.
And it was so fucking good.
Went to the sketchy show.
Ben Bowen.
Bowden.
Bowden, which is here.
He's going to be on the pod after this segment.
And it was awesome.
These guys, they grind.
But that skit with you.
Lucky guy, dude.
And he did the skit with, he wrote the skit with Dan, right?
With Sierra and Dan.
He was in it.
Oh, yeah, I think so.
Yeah, yeah.
And that was hilarious.
If you guys ever look up Shenanigans, Fantastic Invaders,
and check them out.
Improv shows.
Yeah.
My bad, I'm falling asleep.
JJ's tired now.
So I guess that's the end of this portion.
Oh, what?
Before we end this, man, we got to do a shout out to you
for doing the stardom, man.
Appreciate it.
It was fun.
Hell, yeah, man.
Thanks, man.
It was real fun to get in front of, like, that's the most
people I've been in front of since the first one.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
But I bombed there.
I did OK this time.
It was all right.
I got some pops.
But you're going to be on it next week.
Oh, yeah.
You, Alex, and Charlie.
Oh, I didn't know Charlie was on it, dude.
Yep.
Now I'm not going.
That's a damn plan.
I'll be there to see you guys.
You guys are going to kill it.
I already told Charlie.
I was like, that's that.
That joke is going to murder.
Oh, man.
I love that joke.
It is going to bring down the fucking house.
Especially if he goes, like, last.
And he's, I don't know.
And he's the great white hope, dude.
There has not been a single non-black winner
of an X-Five showcase before.
It's good news.
And then Brandon.
For you.
Yeah.
Brandon's going to smack him.
You're going to hit him.
Just do you, be you.
I can't wait to see their faces whenever Alex does the butt
plug joke.
I'll be waiting and probably recording people's faces.
And he does it, dude.
He's got classics.
Yeah, he has so many.
Yeah, we've seen him do 30.
He can do whatever he wants up there.
All right.
You guys are going to enjoy Ben Bowden.
Hell, yeah.
One thing that you should know about him
before watching this episode is that he's
a 43-year-old man that spends a significant chunk of every day
on the playground.
Yep.
Public playgrounds.
Children's playgrounds.
So do with that what you will.
Watch his interview.
Give him a chance, dude.
He's not that bad of a guy.
See you.
That was my face.
Hell, yeah.
That was good.
This week's featured comedian.
Make sure that camera's right.
You just moved it.
It's perfect, dude.
OK.
Just the way it is.
You don't do not disturb?
Yeah.
Are you a man?
You got to make sure of these things.
Yeah, this guy is a criminal.
He's always guilty of not doing D&D, man.
Can you hear yourself?
Yeah, it's a little low, but I think that's what Alex had me
want to hear.
OK.
Oh, yeah, he did like an F5.
Everybody's doing headphones now.
I just like to hear it just in case something happens,
you know, something goes out.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
JJ.
Yes.
We got somebody special for the podcast.
We got a very special guest today, Brandon.
We have.
You went a little early on that one.
I'm sorry.
He went a little early.
Brandon's excited.
Ben Baldwin.
That's it, right?
Have we ever did the podcast like this?
Restart.
Oh, this will all be in for sure.
Yeah, this is going to be in.
Give it a second shot there.
What do you think?
All right.
Guys, today we have a very, very special guest.
He does Rocket City Improv.
He does it all.
He is amazing.
Give it up for Ben Baldwin.
Hey!
No, no, no.
Didn't get it right.
I didn't get it right.
Baldwin?
I'm sorry.
I'm bad at names.
Let's let JJ do it.
It's like the last 34 episodes.
I tried.
I admire him.
It was good until the last name.
You were good until the last name.
I watched a video to prepare for this moment
because I didn't know if it was watch and learn.
OK, let's go.
Let's go.
JJ, who we got?
Today we have a very special guest.
An Improv mastermind.
A member of the Fantastic Invaders.
Co-founder, actually, I believe.
He's hilarious.
Improv skills, acting skills.
Maybe one day we can convince him to get a little stand up.
Ooh.
We would love that.
We would love to see that.
He was just on that sketchy sketch show
at Shenanigans Comedy Theater.
Sent out.
A few sketches.
Oh, yeah.
All very good.
Guys, today we have Ben Bowden.
Oh, here we go.
Hey!
Thank you.
I watched the video you did with Jess.
Oh, nice.
For Fantastic Invaders.
And she was like, Bowden.
And I was like, I totally would have said Bowden.
Everybody does.
If I'm in a crowded room or trying
to get a drink at a bar or something,
I say Bowden because it's so much easier for someone to hear.
And Bowden is just so unnatural on the mouth.
It is.
Bowden.
It's got that alliteration to it.
Maybe.
Hey, thank you so much for coming on, man.
Thank you guys for having me.
I'm a fan of the podcast.
I appreciate the love very much.
We appreciate it.
I've been a few of your, like the sketchy show, one and two.
And you were always amazing.
I was telling, I think I told you this too,
I don't understand.
I can't get at how you guys do that.
And in front of a live audience on the first take,
it seems like nothing's going wrong.
If anything did go wrong on any of them, whatever I was seeing,
I had no clue.
I just got to give you a praise for that,
because that is so hard to do.
Thank you.
Appreciate that.
Yes, it is.
Oh, thank you, Brandon.
Appreciate it.
Team effort, for sure.
Like you can't pull it off solo.
So like you said that.
And last night, I dropped a line and Sierra picked it up
and kept the sketch going.
So it happens sometimes.
But if you can sell it without people knowing,
then you've done your job.
Yeah.
And nobody knows the sketch but you guys.
That's right.
So even if you do mess up, as long as you
don't make it too obvious, then you're good, huh?
Yeah, you're good.
But it's way harder than that, guys.
Like I'm watching them, and I'm like,
I would have messed up so many times.
Dude, when we record our like pre-recorded virtual sketches,
we fuck up at least five times.
Oh, yeah.
Every single take.
No matter if it's one sentence or like a whole fucking
monologue, we're fucking it up multiple times.
On our first big sketch, the horseshoes,
Brandon trying to say Clyde Elrod.
So bad that we had it first.
If you hear, there's two versions.
There's two episodes of it.
And he never gets the name right.
I know.
Not a single time.
He said Clyde getting him off as a name.
And I thought he was like making a joke.
And then he was like, oh, that's not it.
Like, no.
Why would you think that's a real name?
I don't know.
It's like when I get put on the spot for a name
like earlier, perfect example.
I don't know.
I think.
And then my mouth beats me before what I was thinking.
So when I said Clyde getting it off.
That's not even a thing.
I don't know.
I mean, if you're an European, maybe.
I don't know.
Could be.
If that's your last name, getting it off,
then go get it off, man.
I like that.
It's actually pronounced getting half.
Oh, getting half.
Yeah.
Getting half.
Let's get halfed.
So you're not always.
You weren't always from Huntsville, right?
Nope.
I'm a transplant too.
I grew up in southeast Missouri in the Boothill area.
OK.
Near Sexton, Lamberts.
Anybody?
Lamberts.
Anybody's been to Lamberts where they throw the roll?
Yeah.
Dude, yeah.
Yeah, just right down the road.
So you're like right by me.
You're like by southern Illinois.
Because Lamberts is like, what, two hours from where I'm at.
OK, where are you at?
Sentraille, Illinois.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, not too far.
Like, my family would go to Paducah all the time.
Yeah, the Duke.
OK.
Yeah.
To like go with some Mexican restaurant there
that my parents loved for some reason.
So it was like a big deal.
Like, we're going to Paducah?
Yeah.
Had to get some real food.
Hell, yeah.
I knew I liked you.
Tiny little town called East Prairie, Missouri.
East Prairie.
Yep, that's where I grew up.
OK, OK.
Moved to Kentucky, Eastern Kentucky, middle of high school.
Went to Murray State on the other end of the state
about 12 years.
And then I've been in Huntsville for about a decade.
So I lived about four places about the same amount of time.
Which one you like the best?
Man, they were all interesting in different ways.
I mean, Huntsville is probably the best just because better
options for entertainment.
Mm-hmm.
All that good stuff.
For sure.
Yeah, but yeah, I mean, they were all OK.
Did you do improv at each spot?
No, I just started.
I'm at about three years now.
What?
Wow.
I was thinking since high school.
Oh my god, yes.
No.
Were you in theater or something?
I did as a little kid.
I liked it.
But then I got into basketball and was like, oh, too cool
for theater.
Yeah, of course.
Wish I had not dropped it, but I did.
And then coming out of COVID, I was like, OK, I'm 40 years old.
I need to shake something up in my life.
I'm sitting around playing too many video games.
Oh, dude, I was just like, no.
So I almost did a stand-up class,
but they weren't having them at the time with Scott Eason
over at Stand Up Live.
And I've made a Reddit post, like,
does anybody know if there's improv classes?
And somebody responded on Reddit randomly,
and that's how I found Shenanigans.
It was Alan.
Yeah.
OK.
You probably don't know Alan, do you?
Old man?
Oh, if you've been doing it three years, you know Alan.
He's the old man with the cane, kind of smells a little bit.
The guy looking mad.
I would feel like I'd remember this guy.
Oh, OK.
He goes on rants in the Huntsville conference.
Yeah.
Right here.
Oh, God.
He goes hard.
OK.
Post some crazy stuff, man.
So why stand-up?
Why improv?
I think I've always liked a team sport better
than a solo sport, and improv's more like that.
And sketch, similar way, like you're working with other people,
and they're making your ideas better,
you're making theirs better.
So I don't know, it was, for some reason,
less scary to go out and make stuff up on the fly
than to sit down and write jokes, and then work all that out,
and grind it out at open mics, and all that kind of stuff.
See, you're saying that, and I think
it's scarier doing what you do.
Because I feel like I wouldn't want
to be the one to drop the ball.
And for me, if I drop the ball, like if I go out
and I'm having a strong start, I'll
probably finish off strong.
But if I drop it on the first line, or whatever I have,
and then the person has to pick it up for me,
and I'll just like, it's in my head now.
See, that scares me, terrifies me.
Sometimes the best stuff comes out of that.
Like, you know, we generally say,
like there's really no, you can't make a mistake in improv,
because we'll just turn it into either a game,
or something down the road.
It'll make a callback, or whatever.
So I mean, it happens all the time.
And we just, you just roll with it,
and trust that you're seeing partners who've got your back.
OK.
So with the Fantastic Invaders, do you guys practice,
like alone, with just you guys?
Yeah, we do sometimes.
We haven't as much lately.
Well, no, I take that back, because we changed our format
up.
So yeah, we have been practicing more.
But sometimes it's just scheduling.
Like, I'm in a few different shows,
so getting out of the house to do extra practices is tough.
But yeah, you do, it sounds dumb,
but you do have to practice improv to get it show ready.
Oh, god, yeah.
Yeah.
I couldn't imagine not practicing.
Same here.
So to practice, speaking of practice,
you went to Chicago for intensive improv training.
Yes, OK, you did find some research.
A little bit.
It was hard, guys.
Look at the page.
It's not as big as we usually got.
Yeah, I tell you, I try to be a ghost out there.
No online presence at all.
Yes, I did.
I actually just got back a week before last
for my second round at the Annoyance Theater in Chicago.
I would say the big three, I don't even
know if that's an accurate term or not, but Second City,
everybody pretty much knows that.
Tons of SNL, Mad TV, like anybody
who's done that kind of comedy has probably
been to Second City in Chicago.
I.O. Theater, Improv Olympic, a lot of same folks
hit that up and do Second City, because it's different styles.
And then the Annoyance was a break off
by a guy named Mick Napier, who started at Second City.
Not many people know his name, but tons of people
have gone through the Annoyance, too.
Amy Sedaris, Adi Bryant.
I mean, there's a ton of names.
I just can't think of them all.
But a lot of people do all three of those.
Like if you're going hard at it and trying
to break into SNL or break into entertainment,
you'll do the full programs at all three of those theaters
just to get a lot of stage time and get different styles
of improv and like Second City will use improv
to create sketch.
That's their big thing.
So they're more sketch oriented, but they teach you improv
to generate those ideas and then fine tune them
into sketches.
Ooh, I like that.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah, that's really cool.
Yeah, I got to do a workshop with somebody
who has been in Second City for a while,
this last time in Chicago, and we did that.
We did some improv and then like came up
with some sketch ideas based off of that.
They were all terrible.
But the process would work if you worked it out
for a minute.
Oh, okay.
What about Groundlings?
Isn't that a big improv?
I feel like that's LA.
I was gonna say this.
I think it's more sketch.
It's really character based.
So like coming up with characters.
So like Will Ferrell came from Groundlings.
There's a guy in Birmingham that does improv
named Tim Casper, super good improviser.
He did some stuff out at Groundlings for a minute.
And you can tell like his characters are so distinct
when he comes out and does something.
Like that's his style of play.
Like he'll go like hard on a character.
Got you.
So you're saying Groundlings is a character.
Now what's the difference between,
I know improv and sketch.
Like is sketch like to film sketch
or like sketch in like a open scene with the audience?
Yeah, I think they do more like live theater.
But I mean, you know, any more like it could go either way.
Just whatever format that sketch maps onto better
is usually what people will do.
They'll do a pre-tape or,
it's gonna read better live.
They'll do it live.
Like some gags are just better in person.
Some stuff's better on a pre-tape like,
oh shoot, who's the guys on SNL right now?
Oh, please don't destroy.
Yeah, like those guys do all pre-tape stuff
as their format and they're really good at it.
Yeah.
Like Andy Samberg and Lonely Island guys.
Yeah.
Songs work really well for that.
All that kind of stuff.
You like, you get into sketches?
I do.
You do?
I like it.
You like it?
Uh-huh.
It's a lot of work, but it's,
the payoff is probably better
just because you've like rewritten and rewritten
and rewritten and you finally get it to a point to perform
and then when you get a good response,
I mean, that's the best drug out there.
Yes.
We might need you for some sketches.
And it's totally not Entrapment asking him
on the street cameras.
No, not at all, not at all.
That's not gonna influence his answer in the slightest.
No, no, I'll have to farm that out to my agent
if I ever get one, which I will not.
Brandon's looking for a job.
Yes, I am, yes, I'll do anything.
I literally, Brandon, you have to stop
offering up anything. Okay, well not like that.
Don't make that your static response.
You're right, Brandon.
We got a screening process.
She could go south real quick.
That's how it happens, dude.
Anything you say, right?
Pull it down.
Well, no, yeah, I've always loved sketches
and these guys, they love sketches too.
Like, just shoot them.
And we're more loose, like we're just,
we're literally like just put up a camera.
We got the idea, but we're trying to get it
more tightened up now.
And you had the best idea when we were upstairs
in the black box.
I think we were going there for a meeting.
We were going there for a meeting after the live show.
Yep. That's right.
And what'd you say for us to do?
Oh, like just take, kind of do a twist on like
drunk history with, just have Brandon tell a story
and then have other people have his voice the whole time.
Brandon's got a great storytelling voice.
And then have other people like miming or, you know,
miming the words and mouthing the words while they do it
and act it out, but like make it like a good production
value with like the costumes and everything.
And just see little pieces of Brandon's life.
Oh yeah, you guys can see the lens.
Can we do one right now if he tells us a story?
Yeah, yeah.
Just like this, just like we'll act it out.
We'll just.
You ready?
Yeah.
So how many, you got any characters?
Okay, so.
You can assign us.
Yeah, you gotta assign us the character.
Okay, so who do I wanna be me?
You know what?
No, because you did kind of, you know, you're me.
Okay, all right, I'll be Brandon.
And I guess you could be my mom.
Okay.
Let's see what JJ could be.
I guess you could be the confused guy at the store.
Okay.
Confused guy at the store.
All right, so we're gonna go back in time a little bit.
Years back, this was around middle school
and I was still a fat child.
I remember the day like it was yesterday
my mom gave me my first phone, which was a flip phone.
And the reason she gave me this was because
of the normal reason that everybody got a flip phone,
because they were too scared of you looking at porn
and sex and weed and all other bad shit,
maybe even people dying.
And you saw that stop, my black ass?
Hell fucking no, man.
I'm a fucking rebel.
You know what I did?
I went down to the dollar store.
I said, I ain't no bitch.
And then I went down to the man.
I was like, let me get this cell phone right here.
And that was the start of a new chain.
Then I got another cell phone.
Then my mom even gave me another cell.
And I started hiding phones everywhere through the house.
You know what I mean?
So when she would come to me, she'd be like,
son, son, hey, I like your new flip phone.
I'd be like, yeah, you have no fucking idea.
And I'd wait till like one o'clock in the morning.
Everybody's asleep.
That's when you can pull out the phone.
I'd go under there, grab it, look at it.
And then we just yank away.
Yank, yank, yank, yank, yank.
And then we see some other shit too that pops up
that we weren't, oh, and then my mom
started knocking on the door.
And then I gotta, I gotta hide.
Gotta act like nothing happened there, right?
So now she come in and me, I would do this.
I would act like I was asleep.
I would put the covers over me.
And then she look around and disappear.
And you know, what I love about this situation is,
is that she never knew that I did this.
She never knew that I was like a mob boss
and nobody ever caught me doing shit.
But she does today if she saw this.
So yeah, that's my story, mama.
I'm a porn addict and I've been one since I was a child.
Surprise!
And yeah, you know what?
Yep, yep, I gotta finish this off.
I gotta finish this part off, man.
Okay, so I wouldn't do watching porn.
I'm watching everything, man.
Like, you know, like, like a crazy show came on
that I wanted to watch.
You can't do that.
You can't watch that.
Yes, the fuck I can.
I put it on that phone, wait till the middle of the night,
sleep, or I try to find people that have a TV
and don't care.
And I watch what I want.
So what?
At other people's houses?
Yeah, family, but they didn't care.
Like, they'd be like, man, you can watch whatever you want.
Not gonna say it with it, but we all know it is.
Quote, quote.
We know.
Star Wolf of You and then it's Wolf of Eden.
I'm not gonna say Scott Wolf.
I go in there and watch everything.
Two Broke Girls.
I was off for the fear.
Yeah, that's crazy television.
Family Guy, SpongeBob.
I couldn't watch Family Guy.
Yeah, I couldn't watch Family Guy
until I was near 18.
But what were you jacking off to in Family Guy?
Lois.
Ben, your acting of Brandon was phenomenal.
You just didn't sweat enough.
Yeah, I was sweating telling the story.
Thanks for doing that.
Thank you.
That was one take, we'll tighten that up.
We'll work on that, that's right.
I was like, now Brandon made me a character
that wasn't in the story at all.
No, no, like two seconds.
Then he was at Dollar General,
and then he was at Home Durkhanoff.
Yeah.
It was sad times, but never got jacked.
There you go.
Never got jacked.
Until you admit it on the internet for everybody.
That's fucking crazy, isn't it?
A little.
I think it's wild that you had to hide two Broke Girls.
That was like a secret.
I had to hide Bob's Burgers for a while.
And then she didn't trust SpongeBob either for a while,
because she thought that was inappropriate.
Okay, all right.
We had similar home vibes,
because I was not allowed to watch a lot of stuff.
Yeah, I couldn't.
Yeah.
She hid everything, like blocked, what is that thing?
The child lock on everything?
On the cable box?
Oh, everything, man.
Did you have a child lock on the cable?
No, we didn't have a child lock.
I could watch just unabashed violence.
That was okay for some reason,
but couldn't watch The Simpsons.
Couldn't watch smart humor like that.
Yes, just weird.
80s babies, man.
Yeah, right.
You guys can watch Robocop.
Yeah, yeah.
Did you watch?
That was the first R-rated movie I ever saw.
Really?
I just had a sleepover one night,
and we busted that out.
We were like, I don't know, 11?
Hell yeah.
I was like, yeah.
Robocop was a shit.
I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing right now.
Yeah.
Feels good, doesn't it?
It does.
Brad is over there sweating, thinking about it.
Oh man, reminiscing about the old days, man.
It was a heist.
You ever watch the Brewster's Millions back then too?
Oh yeah.
Hell yeah.
Watch what?
Brewster's Millions with Richard Piper and John Candy.
Yeah.
No, honestly, I don't think I ever watched that.
Oh man, so the general premise is
Richard Pryor gets all this money,
and if he spends, I think, so many million dollars,
he gets way, way, way more.
So he's just buying all kinds of crazy stuff,
and then he ends up, to spend the most money,
he runs for a political office,
because it's so expensive,
and I think he ends up getting elected.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
They wanted him.
He didn't want to get elected, and then gets elected.
Yeah.
I can't believe I've never seen this
with John Candy and Richard Pryor.
I love John Candy, too.
Yeah, and they're great together.
They're great.
Yeah, they perfected it.
Did he buy the Cubs' organization?
Yes, yes he did.
He did?
It's been a minute since I've seen it.
Because he was trying to get rid of that money.
He had to spend it before the time went out,
because of his grandfather who died, I think.
Yeah, it was something like that.
Yeah, because he was.
Like a stimulation attached to it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and it was pretty tame.
It was like a tame version of Richard Pryor,
but still good. Oh yeah.
This was like, the later years,
like you remember when the 80s after the fire,
and he came back, and it was more like child-friendly stuff,
like the toy, and what else was it?
Superman, of course.
Yep, yeah.
Terrible Superman movie.
Yeah, it was a terrible, it was the worst one.
It was weird.
It was bad.
Yeah, Superman one and two were legit.
Pretty solid, yep.
Still, they can't find a Superman,
and here's the problem that they're running into.
They're thinking Superman has these big muscles,
and that's what makes them.
You find it, you gotta make a Clark Kent.
You have to find a Clark Kent,
and they have him in at a,
you got, what's his name, what's the big dude?
Cavill.
Cavill is, you see this guy, you're not gonna be like,
oh, this guy's a dutz.
No, he's massive.
You know, you need to find Clark Kent.
The one they had closest was Brandon Roth,
but they didn't like him for some reason.
Yeah, that fight just went nowhere.
Yeah.
We just came out and got overshadowed by Dark Knight,
or the Christopher Nolan movies,
and then it just fizzled into the abyss.
I wouldn't, everybody said it was so bad,
but I wouldn't watch it, it's not bad.
I didn't think it was that bad.
It just doesn't have a main villain type deal.
That dude looks pretty goofy,
but I'm thinking of it from a 2024 perspective.
Oh, look, I've seen the Clark Clint.
Yeah, that makes more sense.
That guy you bought, oh, that guy's a dutz,
or he's goofy, or whatever.
Then he turns into Superman.
That's more realistic.
So James Gunn has got the new one.
Yeah, I know.
So if anybody can pull it off,
it's like he can do it.
And the guy is not that, well, he wasn't that big.
I don't know if he had two stuff.
You gotta get a no-name person
for a huge character like that,
so there's no expectations tied to the actor.
I think that's why Iron Man worked,
because everybody thought Robert Downey Jr. was done.
Done, yep.
So it was like, oh, here we go.
And then it surprised everybody.
Yep, and he was, I mean, that's the perfect cast.
He is Iron Man.
He is that guy.
Yeah.
Because when you were growing up,
I know when I was growing up, we didn't have him,
but Iron Man, was he big?
Just in comics.
Yeah, but on TV, like Saturday morning, right?
No.
Iron Man was nothing, none of them.
No.
No, just Spider-Man.
Yeah, Spider-Man.
Spider-Man, there was an X-Men cartoon.
X-Men.
Transformers was big.
Transformers, yeah.
Ninja Turtles.
Those were like the big ones.
Static Shot.
Static Shot, yeah.
They had a little run.
Did you hear that they remade that X-Men, too,
the 97 put on Disney now?
I heard it's good, too.
Oh, yeah, I checked out the first episode.
It looked pretty good.
Gotta keep it going.
I just don't wanna pay for Disney.
I gotta pay for so much shit.
It's ridiculous.
And I got a good amount of them,
and I still don't even have like probably half.
You gotta just like pick two,
binge it out for a month, cancel it,
pick two more.
But that's like a lot of work.
Yeah, it is a lot of work, and you forget.
Yeah.
You forget.
I don't even know what I'm subscribed to right now.
Same here.
My boy's like, what's your Paramount password?
I'm like, you can get it, but it's just regular.
He's like, no, you pay for it.
I was like, what?
How does he know when you don't, dude?
Because he's watching the stuff on there.
I think we should get Ben Bowden for Superman, dude.
Oh, dude.
You could be Superman, man.
You could.
It'd be Clark Kent, dude.
Hell yeah, I'm down for it.
Like Dadbot Superman.
Like that version of that guy.
That's the best one.
They'll get you on some TRT or something, dude.
They'll get you juicy for Superman.
So something interesting, I thought.
You have a pet pig.
I do.
And they're in Pancake.
What?
That's right.
Did I not read that one, dude?
You didn't get the notes yet, Jack.
Yeah, this guy's fucking Jason Statham, dude.
You know what I mean about him, huh?
I'm the pig keeper.
So how long you had this pig?
He's the pig keeper, dude.
Oh, shit.
He's the pig keeper, man.
That's what's up.
Did that unplug on you?
Nope, I'm good.
Okay.
I think it's Statham or something.
All right.
Yeah, Pancake.
So my wife worked at this program
that was out in Elkmont.
It was like, I'm gonna do it a disservice,
but basically like kids who maybe had
substance abuse problems or other mental health problems,
it was like more severe cases.
It was like a residential treatment program.
All right, so it was farm setting.
So a lot, they would have to like, they lived there.
They had to kind of like have chores
and do all that kind of stuff.
So anyway, they had these pigs.
My wife really wanted a pet pig.
She'd seen all this shit on Pinterest and whatever else.
So she brings it.
I was like, okay, you can bring a pig home or whatever,
but like, well, we're gonna eat it.
That's the plan is to like eat it eventually.
And then, I'm like such a softie.
I like fell in love with it.
And I was like, I can't eat this pig.
So all right.
And they're pretty smart, right?
They are very smart and very like,
people say like emotionally intelligent,
but like, and that's true, but like,
they'll like throw tantrums and stuff
more than like a dog will.
So like right now, when it gets hot,
like she gets real like temperamental about stuff.
She does not like the heat.
So if I don't like have her little pool
like changed out every day,
like when I go to like pet her,
she'll like nip at me and stuff like,
better get this damn water, right?
For my mud bath or we're not gonna be friends.
Like a mini pig or this a full size?
So it's like a cooney cooney,
which is like a New Zealand.
Yeah, pull it up.
A lot of them have like tassels on the side.
So they're a little smaller than a pot belly,
but they're not small.
Like she's good 200 to 250.
That's a big ass pig.
That's a huge pig.
Now I think I screwed up
because I wasn't giving her like the best quality foods.
I think I actually inadvertently gave her
like grower finisher food.
So I think I have grew her bigger
than what she was supposed to be.
But yeah, they should be about like that.
Like I went back out and all her brothers and sisters
were like half her size.
I was like, oh, that fucked up.
Super pig.
So they got hair.
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, it's real bristly, real bristly.
Yep.
Outside though, right?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
She was too like, she'd been fully weaned.
And so she hadn't been handled a lot as a little pig.
So it was like a big adjustment for her
to like be touched by humans.
Oh, okay.
And like petted on and stuff.
It took a minute for her to get used to all that.
So she wasn't really like a house pig.
Yeah.
And she's, I mean, she's bulldozer.
So I'm glad that she's not a house pig.
She's just been knocking shit over all the time
and wrecking stuff.
You got like a mud pit for her or something?
She makes her own.
Yeah.
So I've got like a big water trough thing
and she'll get in it and like slosh around
to like cool herself off
and then knock all the water out.
And then she'll root it, like literally like dig a pool out
and then like make her little mud pit.
That's smart as hell.
She only does it in the summer.
So.
Okay.
Yeah.
So they know what they're doing.
They know what they're doing.
Yeah.
And if they figure something out,
like I've had to like fix her fence hundreds of times
cause she's like, oh, weak spot.
And I, and she knows like, okay, well,
if there's one weak spot,
there's probably more weak spots in this fence.
So she'll like, I'll see her like testing the whole fence
like the fucking Jurassic park.
Yeah.
Jurassic park or something.
Oh, so speaking of pigs,
I want to show you one of my favorite.
Have you seen this?
Oh yes.
I love this.
All right, tell me you already.
Go ahead.
To the story of a pig that is inspiring others.
One pot belly pig has certainly entered his share of problems.
Chris P. Bacon was born without the use of his.
Do you think it's the name crispy bacon
or the fact that it's like a paraplegic pig?
It's got, or the combo.
Yeah.
It's just fucked up.
They're making fun of.
Oh God.
Right.
Fucked up.
Gone.
That guy's done.
Laughing at the disabled man.
Come on now.
I love when news anchors break.
It's so good.
Have you seen the one in the dude
where he's like doing a field interview
and a bug flies in his face.
He's like, what the fuck?
Oh yeah.
Look at me at his country ass time.
He's like, oh hell no.
He gotta got the hair like Brandon.
Yeah.
He did kind of look like me, man.
He had a Karl Malone vibe.
And he broke that kill.
You're like, hell no.
Okay.
Let me see.
Yeah, well one more note on the pig move on so I did not know that they live like 15 years either
So I'm only like four years into this process
Yeah, so I have to like have to you can't find a vet like I can't take her anywhere because she's massive
You can't pick her up. We're doing things too strong
So I have to like call this like mobile vet to come out like once a year to like trim her hooves and give her
Some shots and stuff. It's it's I don't recommend it. If you think you want a pig you don't
15 years. Yeah, there's actually a
Holy shit a comic named Alicia Nichols who has a pet pig and hers is like
300 pounds and she lives with it in an apartment
Dang, I believe what she has jokes about it. How does the pig get up and
She on the top or bottom. She lives in Florida. I feel like that explains. Oh, yeah
That's far from the weirdest
Yeah
You've seen that guy with like the Gator that he's like got it always got it like around his emotional support
Yeah, his name is Wally. I'm looking into getting one of those
I want to albino one
Do we do we really need help looking more white though, you know, I don't like to have fast anything
That that's him man, he looks so happy
I mean that Gator does look happy. It does look way
You always hear about people with crazy pets and then the pet just one day like it's like, yeah
We were just talking about the chit pansy. Yeah, but I ate that lady's face. Yes. Yeah, but
Who should you really have a chimp? No, no, no, no
Absolutely, especially if you have to keep an animal on Xanax just to have it. Yes. Yeah, that's you can't have a barred out monkey
Junkie ass monkey junkie monkey dude, you have two problems
With the drug addict the FBI comes is my monkeys dude
And then grizzly man, bro, that was oh, yeah, do you remember that I don't remember grizzly man grizzly man
They did a go ahead
He was a dude who lived on like an Alaskan Nature Reserve and he was trying to prove that you can live with
Grizzly bears and that you could domesticate them in a way and then there's like
He ended up dying and the whole thing is on camera. It's a whole documentary
Kills him and his girlfriend. Yeah
And it was it was a long process that is fully on audio that we get this. Oh, yeah, you hear the screams
I wouldn't want to I don't think I want to see yeah, I know no but the whole document
I don't think in the documentary they they may show you a little they they they show they
You can hear him saying get away
Because he did this like for a long time and he never got attacked by the Bears and he would go during like this one season
To prove that he can live with these grizzly bears and then he brought her
With them and that was the last time. Oh, so maybe they were jealous. Maybe you can't be throwing a wrench in there like that
Yeah, but I mean
Yeah, you know what you're getting
Yeah, like we we can just leave nature alone guys
We don't have to domesticate everything. Yeah, I agree. I'm with you same here. You preaching to the choir
That's what chimpanzees do also that get jealousy like you give another chimpanzee something don't give them one then they're all gonna team up
And rip you apart and they're strong as strong as hell. You can't chips are wild too. They'll like kill each other and stuff
So the cat alright, so chimps like they solve all their problems through violence like in the wild. Uh-huh. So like
And then bonobos, I think I'm saying that right bonobos
They solve all their problems through sex
So like if it's like something starts breaking out they just start having sex with each other really? Yeah
Is that another type of monkey? That's another type of like a yeah
But no, but no bows and no B. Oh, no. Oh, there we go. Let's see what we talking about
They're like they're like skinnier
I know three women who look like that right now. He's
Hey, I like them effort does way better than fighting I see I would have thought that was
Do they ever cross paths I don't think so no
There's like a like one of the huge like mountains or rivers or something. So like they don't ever see each other
Oh my gosh, have you seen the video me and Dom been talking about it where the monkeys?
He's trying to teach his friends how to open the coconut with a rock and the other monkey just gets pissed
He throws his hands
So it's like this orangutan and he's trying to open the coconut with a rock and then the gorillas over there
He's washing them and it's like three gorillas watching them in that after a while. He's just like
He don't know what he doing doing shit
So I want to know some whenever you're doing improv has it ever been like cuz we have hecklers
Do you guys have a heckler?
Thankfully, I have not I went to before I got in with rocket city
I went to a show and there was a guy who definitely like done some pre-gaming and he was shouting out stuff and
The improvisers just sort of rolled with it
Like they kind of folded it into what they were doing but Kim was not having it
So like that's the only time I've ever seen Kim do this
But she like went straight like hardcore teacher face like stood up and she was like
Sir, that is enough and I was like I was like should I leave too?
So scared right now like she went full mama bear on that dude
Oh, yeah, I love what kill I was about to be on this
We saw her bust out that face at the last open mic. I really thought she was about to pull this
Oh, did you have a heckler?
It was the comedians on stage it was the dude that went up and he was saying some rowdy shit
There was like three of them. There was one dude that was like from Texas and he was saying like
It's crazy too. He's from Texas and he was saying like pretty much his whole thing was like you're gay
So he was like anybody here like Dallas Cowboys. Oh, I didn't know you were gay
You know kind of hack shit that it was his first time though
So, you know, I kind of get my little leeway probably kills where he's from
I don't think that I don't think he killed any with his friends. Yeah. Yeah, what his friends it murders
That's right around a campfire. Yeah
star beers
You like Papa Roach
That's funny
And then uh, and then I don't know ace boogie, I know you go watch it
But I don't know what the hell ace was talking about. I still don't get the joke
He was like, he's like, he's like, it's a Chinese
Finger trap. You call them Chinese handcuffs. Okay. Yeah Chinese handcuffs
And he was like, I don't even I don't I don't know the middle part
But he was saying something about it
He was like then he cut it in half and that's when I knew they were Mexican and my whole thing was what?
Your racist things aren't right. Yeah, you have to get the racist things right. All right
Yeah, that's gonna be good
That is kind of funny. I feel like you could do a joke like that where you do racist stereotypes, but against the wrong race
Oh, yeah, you could make that work. You knew what you were doing ahead of time. You could make that work. Probably. Yeah, probably
I mean still a very that's a big swing. It's a big swing. It's a big swing and that shenanigans
I thought
Gosh man, black people always squatting while they smoke cigarettes
I just don't get it
Yeah, what are some what's like some of the wildest like open mic stuff that you guys have seen somebody come up you know
You're like wow
His ass beat when he gets off stage
Oh boxcar boxcar John the bomb go on the bomb. First of all, and you know, Charles Hood was there for this
Yes, he was in the sketchy. This was yeah his second time doing second time doing stand-up
Yes, okay. So we were at boxcar and this dude John the bomb that's what he would sign up at John the bomb
And he wasn't even on stage at the time sci-fi was on stage. Yeah, and
Sci-fi said some joke where he said the n-word. Obviously many of you know sci-fi is black
And then John the bomb like starts laughing really loud and he like repeated that part of the joke because you know
Like if somebody says something funny you like say it back, but he said it with the n-word in there
And then everybody was like
So we're all like what the hell just happened and then sci-fi is kind of like shaken up a little bit
So he gets off stage when he finishes up and then Charles Hood goes up and he tripped on the last stair
Going up to the stage and bro. It's like he hit terminal velocity
Didn't put his hands out
straight
face to Matt on the stage
But he got up and beasted through his shit. He did his whole set didn't acknowledge it
That was pretty well
I thought it was I thought it was part of a bit because I'm like I've never seen somebody fall like that
Not even attempt to put their hands up. I still need to talk to him about this
It was great it was great that whole night was and then he was just like
I can't say he never apologized no, bro. It's a memo 30 years ago. Oh
We doubled down on it, huh? He talked to somebody he was talking to somebody for like 30 minutes
Afterwards was a Charlie it was Alex Alex. Okay, okay Alex and Jalen. Yeah. Yeah, but go try to pull that shit on the South Side, Chicago
Oh
He also went up and did a set after yeah, he did a set after they alley it was Alex and Jalen's my just like
The room was like
What's happening? Oh?
And for the rest of the night I still because I was I kind of walked up when it was happening and then I'm like
What the fuck is going on and then when Charles failed?
I'm like this too much is happening right now in the last five minutes way too much has just happened
I don't know if this is real
It was one of those scenario, but then he went up. He's like I won't come back anymore
I haven't seen him, but he was he was the white guy that you would think
Thanks, so you know you know it's always
You know those guys they usually they're they're they're older now
They're probably our age or above and they're tough
He's a tall guy and he was just like you know he would be that guy to come up to me like you see these niggas
Right here like you just look at every time I do it though every time I look at it like no no no no no
They don't ever have it like no no no no no
Oh immediately start back yeah
It's cool. It's cool. I'm John the black person. Yeah
You know man Dante had an incident to add a fusion barbecue place, so this dude went up and
I remember he was talking about come in
Dante we're talking about Coleman
We're like oh man that place is crazy, and he walked up to us and didn't even like he didn't even pause enough
He just said yeah, man that place is weird like they have a sign that says go away nigga something like that
We like whoa now. We you know who that dude. Who is it? You know I don't know I know
Talk to him, but he was the dude with the wine glass that you didn't like yes
I knew see I didn't even know it was him. I didn't like that dude. He reeked of something
He didn't apologize you know when you meet somebody like that's something about this guy. Yeah, his energy's off. Yeah
Yeah, I
Didn't know I couldn't say it comes back around baby
I don't know what it is, but there's something about you. I just don't like you not on board. Yeah
It's you could just you just you just feel it like soon as they come up. It's a it's a vibe
It's the way they handle theirself story like I know so it's usually what it is for me
I know somebody just like you and I didn't like that motherfucker
Yeah, you know to say you got a break past that if you are actually good dude, and I'm like okay. That was my bad for
I know what you're exactly what you're talking about and for me. It's fun because I'm usually on the giving end
No, dude, it's something very off-putting about that guy
It's bad dude when I had the mullet was bad people like it was almost like fear mixed with disgust
15% fear 85% just like what the fuck I don't get it. Why is he talking?
What's a what's your all favorite place to go up on a mic here in town a mic yeah
It was it's too it's a
It's either hit or miss like shenanigans Thursday's might well they only have it once a month so is that joker's wild joker's wild
It's about Daniel Harden that that one's good or
Straight to L
Speak easy to speak easy Mike they're both on Thursday so you get to pick one of those did Brent Reid used to read
One of those did Brent Reid used to run that one before he moved or who's doing the straight to L one now?
Yeah, I'm silver John the silver well
I think Jonathan started the open mic there, but there was the homegrown before which Matthew Tate used to do
Yeah, right and then well homegrown. I think it's changed hands a couple times
But it was Matthew Tate then he turned it over to Jonathan silver, okay?
Well, that's a good hands and you gonna start coming out no no
I did do it so they
When I was in Chicago they do different workshops every night, and I did have a stand-up workshop
So I wrote one like mid to low level joke. That's it. That's I've got so I've got that's all of mine, dude
That's what we do. It's not even like it's not even good, but it's technically a joke. Let's hear it dude. Yeah
I got I got think it through okay, right so
And I'm not gonna do like a lead-in. I'm just gonna jump right in okay, okay?
Yeah, dude weird weird stuff happens work anybody have weird stuff happen at their work. Oh, yeah
So I'm a playground inspector that is a real job. I promise okay, so I'm doing a playground inspection
I roll up on this guy
an unhoused person if you will sleeping in a crawl tube on a playroom and
Scared me scared him so I didn't know what to do next so I just went down the slide
I turn around he went down the slide
No, we like locked eyes because we didn't know what to do and we just started playing and having a real
Robin Hood and little John walking through the forest type of moment
And now I have an unhoused friend named Craig and Craig is a great dude, but Craig cannot host a dinner party for shit
So how you like being a parking inspector man, I mean playground
I'm sorry playground inspector. That sounds so cool. Oh, it's a fun gig dude. It's a fun gig
Yeah, I like that. I didn't know it was a real thing and then just kind of stumbled into it, but it's fun
I inspected a playground once dude did you for ADA qualifications?
Oh, I do that too. It was right when they tore down kids Kingdom at Dublin. Okay. I was like
Inspecting it as it was being taken down. Is that your background like ADA compliance? No, I had a class
I used to be yeah, I'm real big in the movement
I'm in there dude. That's why I hang around with these guys
But no it was for a class I used to be in education and it was for teaching children with disabilities
We had that was one of our assignments was to go to different buildings on campus
Then we had to do one that was off campus and we chose the playground nice
Yeah, and there's a lot of shit that goes into that
Oh, you don't think about so much more complicated than you think just because there's like actual standards on it down
like what I'm and I were growing up it was like add some asphalt and a
30-foot swing. Yeah, have a good time. I still got a mark right if I say my hair low
I have a mark right here. You remember the metal
Playground would like to slide. I mean the the swing was just a metal bar with chains on it
Oh, yes, and so we used to twist it up and put it up there so we can
We used to you know, put it up at the top so we could do this other spinning thing
And then while I was doing the spinning thing this girl just let it down and there's a metal pole
Just bang right in my head and I still have the mark from it. They think it's fucked back
Yeah, there was never like mulch or rubber that stuff. It was just like dirt or asphalt. Mm-hmm
Yeah, it was different times. So now they get they get they get serious about it now. They get serious about it
Yeah, which is rightfully so
technically law and except in California in Texas randomly Texas like made it law but
But yeah, I mean if you're gonna go to court like you don't want to be on the wrong side of that. Yeah. Yeah
So you come in and test do you test the equipment or?
Like I'm serious
So yeah, I mean you do have to like climb on it and like yeah mess with it and stuff
But yeah, and then I like have this apparatus
it's this big metal ball that I'll drop and it'll tell me like if
It protects against like head injuries or not. I think the surfacing is adequate to prevent like a brain injury. Okay
That's pretty neat. I just like how Dom was like do you get to play?
You guys hiring it is it puts you in some weird neighborhoods sometimes where you're like, well see how this goes
That's the funniest thing
He's like why the fuck like imagine one person sees you at work one day and you're just a grown man on a playground
And then they go somewhere else the next day and you're at a different playground. This guy has to be stopped
Have you ever had like the police called on you? Oh, I triggered a full-blown
Lockdown in Raleigh, North Carolina. Shut the fuck up. So I like
You know how school zones are like they're like Chick-fil-A drive-thrus man like going all over the place
So you just I just find somewhere to park and then I just walk to the front so I ended up parking in the back
And I'm passing the playground so I stopped and kind of just checked it out and then kept walking
Well, I've got like a backpack because I got all my shit in there that I'm doing the inspection with so I I look the part
Right like a middle-aged white dude is the guy who's shooting the school most of the time, right? Yeah, uh-huh. So
So I can get where they were coming from so I hear on the intercom like we are going into a red alert lockdown
This is not a drill. I'm looking around like well, I'm the only one here
So I go to the front sure enough everything's like locked down or whatever
So I take my backpack and go put it on the sidewalk like way far away from it
Make sure my hands are visible for when the police show up
And so I just sat there for a few minutes and then yep two cops roll up like what are you doing?
and I have to like go in and tell them all this stuff and
Finally got like the school to come out. It was like a two-hour ordeal. Oh my god
Crazy. Yes
Say here's my badge and it's like a toy
It's like a flimsy piece of paper
Looks like I made it like on in Microsoft Word or something and then printed it out and cut it out myself
That would be a great sketch that would that would be a great sketch. I'm envisioning that right now
well, were you so nervous to be like
like you know, you put your bag over there you just waiting cuz you know the cops come like I
Was reasonably sure everything was gonna be fine
Okay, never know. Yeah somebody's a little because it's such a weird topic happens too much and
somebody might be a little itchy and
So yeah, there was a little piece of me like, okay
I hope this goes okay, but as long as I just look as non-threatening as possible. Yeah, all right
Yeah, I would have been worried about like one of those dads like listen to the scanner. They might kill my kid
The wild thing the week before I was there it what didn't happen in school
But there was like a shooting on a playground. It was like in the evening sometime like not at one of the school
Okay, okay. So I think the whole town was a little on edge
From that and that maybe had something to do with it. But yeah, that was that was a first
That's a first of all, that's a crazy story. Thank you for sharing it
Oh my god
Yeah, as well I do I do tell you to make a point of like going up to like adults being like hey
This is who I am. This is what I'm doing. If you see me taking pictures, I'm only taking pictures of the equipment
I'm not taking pictures of children
Come with a full fucking camera
Baseball cap glass is like I'm here to inspect the playground
I imagine it would open like it is a strange job title. I'm the playground inspector
You know, but when you think about it, like when I when I first looked it up
I mean when I seen it I was like what the hell but then you think about it like no you do need to have
You need to have to make sure like you said you're not gonna hit your head. Yeah, it's a necessary evil. Yeah
There's people involved so like manufacturers make mistakes installers make mistakes designers make mistakes
So just like anything else. Yeah, just just like having a gatekeeper kind of check on stuff. Make sure it's up to standard
I'm like the food tester true. That's right. Like the food tastes so they hiring like today
No, I think I don't think you're well suited for this brand
Yeah, you might actually attract danger
Yeah, you're right. Somebody go out there, what you doing? I'm bored man. What you taking pictures of?
No, I'm just teasing you about it. You'd be great man. Thank you man. I might get hurt though. He's teasing you but he's right
I fall down the slide wheel boom boom boom boom. Now I'm dead
All right, Ben this ghostly Muhammad Ali over here means it's the end of the podcast it went by so fast
It did go by fast. It was a great one. I mean we had real fun
Lockdowns pigs playground. I mean it's got your chimpanzees man. That's right. Hell. Yeah hecklers
We had it all in here. That's it. All right first improv guy. I loved it. We're gonna have more we're gonna have you all more
Right here in this camera just say anything you got coming up any sketches your socials everything you got come on, right?
So you want to check fantastic invaders? It's just fantastic invaders on Instagram. That's all we got going on at the moment
Got a new show firing up on July 5th
It is a legally distinct show from whose line in is it anyway? It's called whose show is it anyway?
I cannot stress the legally distinct part enough just enough
But it's very familiar to that TV show that everybody loves so I got that firing up
We're like revamping the Thunderdome which is like a competition based one that starts back up in August and every second Thursday is
Side chat which is like three different improv groups performing got a new show premiering after that July 11th
That's like a free play. So if anybody wants to dabble in some improv or try it out, you can come check that out
it's called the all-call improv ball and
Third Saturday is fantastic invaders. Hell. Yeah bins got motion. Yeah
Yeah, you should write getting standing no basins. Thank you so much man. Thank you so much
You