This week on Clown College.
So I'm a customer. I'm a customer.
And my groceries are $21.48.
And I tell you, I want to round it up to $25 for the donation.
Okay, so you said $24. And how much? $.48?
$21. And $.48.
I end up rounding it up to $25.
What are you going to put into the cash register?
So first we add $4. And then you said $.48, right?
Yes, $21.48.
Okay, $.50. Take $.22.
Hold on. I got a count here.
Alright, so $.48, $.50, $.60, $.70, $.90.
He's like, he's like, he's like.
Welcome to Clown College. We have profound knowledge.
In many ways to elevate and make you sound polished.
So if you want to hear a little honest,
a few takes on the ways to make it as a comic,
then stick around for a while to get down to Clown.
We've got the guests right now just to show you how.
Let's all go to Clown College, baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.
Let's all go to Clown College, baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.
I don't know that Cold War was hardcore at points
and softcore at points.
I heard, I heard.
Brandon, what was your favorite part of the Cold War, dude?
My favorite part of the Cold War?
There is no favorite part of the Cold War.
There was one good part.
There was one good part?
Yeah, really good part.
Oh, what was it?
No, I'm just seeing if you remember.
Oh, no, no, man. What happened?
We killed Russians.
Yeah.
Did you not watch Rocky IV?
Yes, I did.
I remember that Ivan Drago dude where he killed Apollo Creed.
That was my guy.
Yeah, that was one of the darkest moments of racism.
Yeah, yeah. It was bad.
That's why Rocky had to come in there and whup some ass.
You know what I mean?
And he did. He did.
He got his ass beat for the fight and then came back at the end and won.
All right. Knocked him out.
Wait, no, no. I didn't. They had two fights?
No, I'm talking about the same fight, but the whole time he was getting his ass whupped like bad.
And then he won at the end by knocking him out.
Oh, that's how it goes every Rocky episode.
You know, he has to get beat up to come back up.
Is that how they all end, dude?
Basically, yes. He's always on top, except for the first one.
I've only ever seen the one with Mr. T and then the fourth one.
What's the fourth one? Tommy Morrison.
That's the Russian one.
See, I don't know. Maybe I haven't seen like what's in two then? What's Rocky two?
I thought that was Mr. T.
No, that's Apollo Creed during the rematch.
And then there's Apollo Creed one and one.
Yep. And then in two, Rocky comes back and beats Apollo.
So Rocky loses in the first one?
Yes.
He doesn't win the fight.
No, but it's based off of.
Fucking Apollo Creed, dude.
Yeah, but it's based off of Muhammad Ali versus what's that dude's name?
Muhammad Ali.
So he dies in the third one. Hal Cogan was in one of them, right?
Yeah, he was on three.
All right. So, yeah. So three, that's when.
Four is when Draco kills Apollo Creed or three?
Yeah, it's four.
Four.
Okay. And three, what happens there? Is that the?
That's Mr. T. But that's what this is based off of in real life.
Because he knocked down Ali and everybody's like, oh my gosh, I couldn't believe we did it.
But then he still gets beat.
No.
It's pretty bad.
So that's what the first Rocky is based off of.
Yeah. And then after that, they just said, let's keep moving it.
And that's what they did.
Great White Hype, you ever seen that?
That's one of my favorite movies. Put in Great White Hype.
Great White Hype.
That was my nickname in high school.
I'm not even going to spoil it for you because it's got Damon Waynes and I don't know who's the white guy in it.
Even though it's called Great White Hype.
Yeah.
Let's see. Let me look at the cast.
He's like Samuel L. Jackson.
So we can see. That's cool as hell.
Jeff Goldblum.
Peter Berg.
So he's this boxer that's like trained hard as fuck.
You remember this Jack?
But that's the guy who created Ballers.
Oh really?
I think he did Entourage too.
Oh, he did Entourage?
So that's weird. I didn't know he was an actor before that.
Oh shit. He did Hancock also? That's what's up.
Nice. Method Man's in the movie.
And this one?
Apparently.
Yeah. So like he's the boxer right? He's training hard as fuck. He does everything right.
And then Damon Waynes is the champion.
But he's eating pizza. He's fucking bitch. He's doing cocaine. Has a beer belly. Look at him right there.
He's got a beer belly on him.
Fucked up.
Kind of looks like Andrew Tate a little bit, dude.
Yeah, he got the ear.
Or lack of it.
Yeah, and then I won't tell you what happens at the end, but it's great.
I might watch it tonight. Man, that looks good.
What'd you watch the other night Brandon?
Oh yeah.
I saw Inside Out 2.
Did that go better than The Cat Must Not Be Named?
Let's just say it felt like home. It was like a biopic because basically when you see this movie, that's basically what happens to me every day and probably hundreds of other people.
Probably you two also.
What happened?
Well basically.
Let's see what happens and then we'll see.
Yeah, yeah. Let's not spoil it. Yeah, I'm not going to spoil it for y'all.
No, spoiler please. I was just saying before you said it happened.
If you don't want Inside Out 2 spoiled for you, please turn off the podcast.
We're warning you right now.
We will take the hit and viewership.
But basically what it was was, so Riley was a kid.
She was turning 13 and getting ready to go to high school.
And happiness and sadness, everybody holding hands and all happy and shit.
And then in the middle of the night, it starts beeping out of nowhere, right?
And then I was like, what the fuck's going on and boom, here comes anxiety and then you got embarrassment and jealousy and everything coming in there like puberty.
They just fucked up everything and then they threw happiness and sadness on him out down like this drain thing and they took over the person's mind.
Dumped him on their ass.
Yes, she started acting crazy and she was like, oh my gosh, what if this doesn't happen? What if that doesn't happen?
So now the overthinking comes in.
She got serious, horrible anxiety, right?
And then like even joy was like the happiness is like, dude, man, this is what adulthood is like.
And looked at the camera like this.
This might be it, folks.
She's never going to be happy again.
Fourth wall break.
Yeah, basically.
But I feel like she was talking to the other people because they were all sad too.
And then they almost killed themselves on there too because they were like they had nothing else to do.
So they pulled this lever and thousands of pounds of these like balls started falling with the memories and everything.
And then they got crushed into it.
And I was like, this is it.
But it didn't kill the anxiety.
No, this is a kid's movie.
They just they bounced.
But they kept them like it was Xanax.
Xanax?
SSR rise.
No, it was all her bad memories because anxiety was like, let's cut all that out.
The balls are trauma.
Yes, the balls were.
This was a trauma dump, basically.
What happened was that they got dumped all the way back up to like the what is it?
The memory thing for this like weird hole or portal type thing.
And they went back up there and then saved her from having a horrible, horrible panic attack.
It was one of the worst panic attacks.
She started like huffing and puffing.
It was so bad.
The other team was like, damn, girl, you all right?
And then like they got happy and she was like, I could breathe again.
I'm good. Let's go have fun.
And I'm like, damn, little does she know this is going to happen every day for the next 20 or 30 years.
This one is seems way sadder than Garfield.
I mean, it's just like because I was like, yeah, that happens.
These kids movies are really that have to do.
And then they had this like thing that was kind of like Dora.
And then he had like a fanny pack.
He was like, can you all guess how to get out of this place?
They got locked away in this thing with like the biggest, darkest secret and her older stuff that she cleared out of her mind.
And then he saw the fanny pack from the thing again.
It was like, hey, you got something because he was like, like, what was it?
Anger was like, call for the dude's fanny pack.
When he called for it, the child came over like, did you say you needed me?
He just yanked the thing and violated it and stick his hand in his mouth and started pulling out the stuff he needed, which was like dynamite to blow the stuff up.
And then like the same started gargling.
It was bad. I want you to know, I have no clue what's happening.
There's a fanny pack. Is this still the same movie?
You don't know Inside Out. No, I'm well, no, I'm talking about dynamite.
Because they had to blow up. They had to blow up the wall for that little trauma dump.
They're trying to get out of the trauma block.
Because anxiety is sucking up everything.
Kisney beat. Kisney hit me. Oh, dude. They need bully too.
Because look at what's happening. Yeah, well, yes.
Dude, I would have got my ass whooped that whole movie. The way she was talking to her parents.
Oh, yeah. She was like, oh my God, leave me alone. You wouldn't understand.
My mom's emotions would have been like, kill that bitch.
And then pull. Yeah, your mom got that Gat on her.
Yeah, she does. Yeah, she does. Hangs it up on the fridge like a report card.
Sheriff or some shit. She got headshots. Yeah, dude.
That's why she put it on the wall. She's like, look at all these.
You better watch out. Okay.
Do not fuck with Brandon's mom.
I mean, whenever that dude was acting out at a stand up line.
Yeah, she's I thought they were leaving. I was all you guys are leaving.
She's like, no, be right back. I didn't know Brandon told me later she was going to Garber Gunn.
She was like, we got to be protected out here.
She did. Got to hit the fucking deck, dude.
Don't want to get caught in the crossfire. I was like, I love your safety, mom.
I appreciated that. She was very safe.
So that's what the movie was about, man? Oh, yeah.
Basically, it's mental illness. And you know how. Yeah.
See, you like so when you go to the movies, it's usually for kids movies.
Sometimes, but because this is a movie that I just like.
I just like the experience of a movie like next movie is Wolverine versus Deadpool.
OK, so you go hardcore.
Dude, I am excited. I got I even took pictures because they gave me the popcorn bowl.
And what else? A Deadpool Wolverine thing.
I was like, yo, we got to stop here.
And I posed and then I stopped in front of like a Red Robins and shit because I was like, I want to be like,
I want to be like how those people are with Spider-Man 3.
And I'd be like 10, 15 years ago, this was me taking a picture of Deadpool versus Wolverine.
Look at how young I used to look. Was that part of your Make-A-Wish package?
No, it would have been me. If you had to make a wish, what would you wish for?
You got one wish to meet one person. Meet one person. Who would it be?
And then I have to be alive, of course, because it's a real make a wish.
I can meet just one person. And you get to do a day with them.
So you pick your activity to. Oh, shit.
I guess I would hang out with Elon Musk. Really?
Well, my thing is, because listen, if you're saying do some shit, he could put you on an adventure, man.
He'd be like, hey, man, look at this new Tesla. It's unreleased or get on a nice cyber truck.
We get on a nice jet. This dude is probably like, what is he one of the richest people in the world?
He's the richest. So I'd be like, dude, just take me on an adventure.
And then we're going to actually not a bad one.
That just sounds like Brandon's going to get abducted by P. Diddy.
Oh, man, we got to stop P. Diddy's house.
You have a plane to an island? Dude, guess what?
And you won't be alive in a month?
Yeah, I couldn't say nothing.
Dude, speaking of P. Diddy, when I was at A&M, man, I remember hearing this one story where they were like,
dude, P. Diddy's going to come up. This is before the allegations.
And they were like, P. Diddy's going to come down on a tour bus.
And he's going to have some of the students get on the bus.
And I was like, damn, man, that's fucked up, man, because it's already hard enough
to pull a girl in these streets.
But now he's going to come in here and take all of them.
They said, oh, no, he's coming for the dudes.
I was like, oh, what?
You missed the P. Diddy tryout?
Dude, I wouldn't get on that bus.
And I just knew something wasn't right.
Brandon, but you could have got on the bus.
Oh, dude, I don't know what would have happened if they would have said, get on the bus.
Because I wouldn't have known back then, man.
It would have taken minimal convincing to get Brandon on the bus.
I probably would have got on the bus.
See, I just said that. He was like, I would not get on the bus.
It wouldn't be that hard to get him on the bus.
I would get on the bus.
They'd be like, this is a once in a lifetime experience, man.
Who else's tour bus you're going to be able to get on?
I would have been like, damn, man, maybe.
Maybe this is my big break.
Nah, not the break you need, though.
A bus is a bus, though, man. It's not very luxurious.
And he's going to ride you like a bus. We don't need that.
That's bad. That's dangerous.
And he's going to be like Rosa Parks and take the back seat.
Yeah. Yeah.
Where the cops going to be for that one?
In the back of the bus? Nowhere.
You're going to be stuck getting raped by people.
It happened to several people.
It's like the family matters, dude.
Nah, nah, I can't.
That's allegedly. All this is allegedly.
What happened with that, dude? I didn't hear about that one.
Somebody said that they were at a party and he was taking them from the back with him.
And he was having a great time. They said he had them screaming.
Oh, wow.
Because it hurt.
It probably did. It probably did.
But he never got anything from it.
He hasn't had anything since Family Matters, really.
And he had a lethal weapon.
Not lethal weapon, but I don't know. He was a cop in some movie.
Die Hard? He was a cop in Die Hard.
Let me search your fan master file.
I don't know, dude.
Wasn't that the guy that was like bagging groceries and it went viral on Twitter and was like real fucked up?
Nah. He was on that TV show?
No way. It's him. I mean, he still gets royalties from this.
Okay. Carl Winslow.
Ever since the Cosby show went down there, main competitor.
I feel like.
Everybody's watching Family Matters, dude.
That show's still up.
Yeah, Die Hard.
That's the sickest last name ever, dude.
Vail Johnson.
It's a crazy cool name.
I mean, it could have happened, but, you know, allegedly.
Allegedly.
You got to put that out there.
Allegedly. But, hey, if they both wanted that, that's cool.
Like, there's nothing. Hey, that's great.
Just support them.
That's great. You got my little side.
Go ahead and do it, man.
Like, hey.
That's the Twin Towers on that Die Hard right there?
No, man. That's the.
It is.
Is it?
What the hell?
Hold on.
Because I've never seen this.
Whoa, it is, dude.
Dude, is it blowing up on this thing?
Oh my gosh. Did Die Hard predict 9-11?
This is 1988 and they did.
Oh my gosh.
Bruh.
40 stories of sheer adventure.
Holy shit. I never knew.
Helicopter.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, it's not the Twin Towers.
It's not?
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure Die Hard takes place in LA.
Oh, shit.
And the Twin Towers were way bigger than that.
Oh, yeah.
It says LA right there.
You can't really tell.
It says 40 stories.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I know numbers, aren't you, thing?
The imagery's obviously there.
Yeah, that was.
Huh?
The imagery's obviously there.
Have you ever folded up the $20 bill?
Oh, yeah.
I've seen that.
Go look up folded up $20 bill.
Looks like the Twin Towers got hit.
Now, I don't believe in any of this shit.
I think it's just all coincidence.
I know JJ has a different...
Yeah, dude.
I mean, I know some people, man.
They've told me some things.
I've been out there, dude.
Let's see.
Look at that.
Holy shit.
Wow.
That's fucking crazy.
But, you know.
And it's folded up.
What does it look like?
A paper airplane, dude.
Dude.
That's the thing.
Brandon's...
Brandon's in it.
I just got him.
Because, listen, I believe in those Simpson predictions they had.
You remember when the Simpsons would predict everything?
Like, they predicted 9-11.
They predicted 9-11.
They predicted the Ebola.
And then, what else did they predict?
They predicted the little watches.
Smart watches.
That you look at.
Smart watches.
COVID.
Star Trek.
Oh, yeah.
Star Trek was first.
They had the Bluetooth.
But, dude, they were doing some shit.
Donald Trump.
They predicted him before he was even born.
Yeah.
Then, the family got piggybacked in there with Caitlyn Jenner.
Yeah.
Killed that person.
Huh?
Yeah.
Oh.
Caitlyn Clark killed somebody.
You know Caitlyn Clark?
Wait, you for real?
Yeah.
Murder.
Let me see.
Yeah.
There was a freak skiing accident.
But you got to type it in.
Caitlyn Clark skiing accident.
Oh, my gosh.
I can't believe this.
Four people dead.
Did her big ass hit him all, man?
What the fuck?
Yeah.
Dude, look at her smiling about it.
That's her mug shot right there, Brandon.
You fucking bitch.
Click on the second photo.
After she just killed the whole family.
You smiling to everybody like this for you killed.
Whatever, man.
You know that people are crazy and they hide it sometimes.
She's fucking crackers, Brandon.
You can't try to hold her now.
Yeah, well, DUI.
You see it right there.
Oh, oh.
Skinning.
Oh, man, I don't see nothing there, man.
You see when it said they exfoliated her face.
I fucked it up.
You got a DUI.
They had to get the blood out of her face.
Wait, I mean, that's skin condition, right?
Yeah.
Okay, let me see.
What is skin condition from the cold?
No, she's just white.
It's not a condition.
See?
Attacks.
She's not targeted.
Bitch attack on Cleveland.
Lindsey Vonn, that's the girl she killed.
She was condemned to death.
Okay, now I know that's a joke.
Man, I was about to say.
41, 12, and 10, though.
She murdered five people at least.
Hell yeah.
Look at that.
Sick.
She out there scoring these scores.
I heard people ain't happy about it on WNBA.
Yeah, I think it's so stupid to... Well, first of all, WNBA has lost for the two
decades.
They have never made a profit.
You know that.
Not even close.
Two or three decades they've been.
It's weird because it's the one thing that isn't money motivated.
Every other sports organization is to make money.
This loses the NBA, I want to say billions of dollars.
Damn.
Or at least hundreds of millions a year.
Maybe a billion.
Yeah, hundreds of millions.
Not a year.
Well, they only pay them 50 bucks per year.
They're not losing 100 million a year, but they're losing millions.
It's bad, man.
Have y'all seen that they've been beating Kaitlyn Clark up in the games, dude?
Yeah, I've seen one last night.
Dude, please play the shit where she just gets cheap shotted, dude.
I love it, man.
It's fucked up, but... See?
This is a perfect example.
It's going to be a make or break moment for her, man.
She'll go like Jordan and gain 20 pounds, and it's off-seater.
Let's see.
Oh, dude, imagine she just gets on T and just gets fucking jacked.
No, dude, get jacked.
Let's see.
Skip this.
I'm down for Kaitlyn Clark on TRT, dude.
Man, we don't want to see an interview.
Think pieces and shit.
Let's just say fouls.
You put Angel Reese.
You just hit her in hell last night.
Oh, Angel Reese?
That was last night.
Wait, Angel Reese too?
Come on now.
I know Brandon knows her, dude.
Yes, I do.
Let's see.
Well, look, first of all, you got to add.
It's always somebody that want to talk about it.
Yeah, somebody want to talk.
Right on the downside.
That's what the fuck I'm saying.
You piece of shit.
Austin Rivers.
Here we go.
Doc Rivers' son.
Why is he mad about it?
Let's see.
Hopefully we'll see it before his ass.
Is that Angel Reese?
Uh-uh.
I'm sorry.
Wet, wet.
Let's see if she gets it.
Put a brick.
My bad.
Hell yeah.
Look at that.
That's the girl that was fucking her up.
Let's see if we can find one close.
They just taking a book out of Tory Pistons and Andy Pistons.
Come on.
I better hit her.
We want to see some action.
Nope, no hits.
Nice.
I don't know.
All right.
Well, this is how it's going.
Our audience is asleep now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was thinking about it while we're watching this.
I'm like, they're probably like, what the fuck are they even talking about?
We're looking for violence.
They're watching the video.
They're like, oh wow, that was awesome.
That was a sick layup.
And then they're like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom.
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
That was a sick fucking overhead layup.
She would murder all of us in basketball, obviously.
Oh God.
I wouldn't score a point.
I know I wouldn't score a point.
I thought Dom was about to have another terrible take on this podcast.
No, I know.
And after last week, dude.
What did I say last week?
Hitler wasn't that bad to black people.
Okay, okay.
It wasn't.
Well, it's not a horrible take.
It's true.
If you want to join Dom's new group, Blacks for Hitler, he's taking signups.
No, I didn't say I liked him.
All right.
I want to clear that up.
I don't, I haven't seen this episode or what I said.
Maybe don't remember it, but I will say this.
I'm just, I'm not saying I like him, but he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't bad to black
people.
He killed like 14.
That happens more.
That's not a bad.
I mean, still killing 14 people seems pretty messed up.
Not compared to millions.
They killed like millions.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, that's how many Jews they killed.
Jeffrey Dahmer didn't even kill 14 people and people say he's evil.
He is.
I'm not saying Hitler's not evil.
I'm just saying if you were black.
He said he's not that bad, but he's evil.
He's not that bad of an evil.
He's just a fooler.
He fooled around a little bit.
Oh my gosh.
That's how I bring this shit back up.
This could go bad.
You can't stop yourself, dude.
I'm just saying, you know, I, I'm going to take the controversial stance that Hitler
was a bad guy.
What do you think?
I think Hitler was a bad guy.
I think he did some questionable things.
I'm not arguing that.
I don't think there's questions.
There's a lot of statistics out there about that.
Were you there?
Oh damn.
Were you at the hall, you really think they killed four million or whatever they said?
I'm just kidding.
He saved me.
Oh my gosh, dude.
I'm kidding, guys.
We jokesters, man.
We fool around, dude.
We foolers.
Yeah, haha.
Hitler.
You got that little beard and shit.
Trying to steal it from Charlie Chaplin, I feel like.
Charlie Chaplin at first, right?
I don't know.
Did he?
Back in the day, I think.
Yeah, because he started in 1914, 1912 with this comedy.
You know, actually, Hitler and Charlie Chaplin were related.
Seriously?
Yeah.
For real?
That's why they genetically have that mustache.
I've got to see this.
Let me see.
Because I know he hated it.
I wasn't supposed to believe it.
I was believing it for a second.
Yeah, because I was like, Charlie hated Hitler, man.
I remember he had that thing in 1946 and 1948 where he took a stand.
Brandon's talking about how he was there.
He's like, Charlie hated Hitler, man.
He did that one.
He took a stand in 1914.
He's tired of this discrimination, man.
That was in the 40s.
He was dressed up like Hitler, too.
He made a fool of him?
I think so.
Well, at first, yeah.
He was cosplaying?
Yeah, and then he became the activist, man.
He did some activism.
He was like, we can't have this no more.
No jokes are serious.
He used to beat his women.
He beat his wives a lot.
Dude, another problem.
They couldn't talk.
Nobody could talk.
You know how old his women were, though?
What?
Because Charlie Chaplin would always go out with people that were like 14 and stuff and
like 13, I found out.
That's why I think the FBI was looking for him in the late 30s.
What?
I mean, he was a good guy.
He was a good guy.
I had no idea about any of this.
Yeah, and remember, he even got sent away from America at one point.
He was exiled from the country?
What is that?
Was that where he deported or something?
I forgot.
Where was he?
I thought he went to America?
Let me see where he was at.
Let's take out some Charlie Chaplin facts, dude.
Let me see.
Charlie Chaplin deported.
Facts is right there.
Deported.
Yep, right there.
It says, yep, he was forced to leave and move to Switzerland.
Yeah, man.
And they said, why was, damn, they put canceled there.
Why was he canceled?
It says, the filmmaker blocked, the filmmaker was blocked from returning under a provision
that allowed people of questions, moral health or insanity of those advocating.
Oh, he was a communist.
Oh, shit, I forgot that too.
Yeah, he sure was a communist.
Damn, dude.
He was a commie.
Don't like him anymore.
Damn, man.
Yeah.
This commie's out of here.
This is America.
America.
Yeah.
It kinda looks like Edgar Allan Poe mixed with Adolf Hitler.
Oh, yeah, man.
Yeah, I like that.
That's a very good comparison.
A little bit of Groucho in there.
Yeah, yeah.
Who was also, he was a goat, man.
You remember Groucho Marx, everybody?
I've never heard of him.
You never seen the Marx brothers?
Oh, Marx brothers?
Yeah, like Groucho.
Let me show you, man.
Dude, they were around when the Free Stooges, Free Stooges.
Stooges.
The Groucho.
The Groucho Marx brothers.
It's just originally Marx, but dude, they were, he was clever as shit.
Which one's Groucho?
The one with the mustache, the fake mustache.
That's fake?
Oh, yeah, that's very fake.
What about the eyebrows?
Are those fake?
Yes.
Yeah, those are fake also.
Let's see, because this wasn't looking good without it.
Wait, dude.
Oh my gosh, go back to that first photo.
What?
Right here?
The one you clicked on him with the cigar in his mouth.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, and now click that one under it.
Look at his fucking eyes, dude.
What, right here?
Damn.
No, it wasn't.
I thought it was Jeff Ross with a wig on the right.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, look at this one.
Yeah, they're crazy cool.
You should check them out, though.
I got their collection in here.
I forgot where it was, but yeah, I had their collection, too.
They were clever.
Yeah, I probably won't watch it, but you're gonna watch it.
I don't have a phonograph or whatever.
I'll hook you up, man.
I had one, but it just broke.
I'm old.
You had a phonograph?
I had one of those.
I used to always have, what is that?
What do they call that thing?
What do they call that?
The thing you spin the, what is it called?
A record player?
A telephone?
Yeah, a telephone.
Close.
The record player, though.
You remember the one with the radio, too?
You could play the music and you could close the top, and you could play radio or you could
do vinyl or anything old school style.
Oh, he's just talking about a record player.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I was concerned.
That's that same thing?
Huh?
That's the same thing, or is that different?
Nah, man, it's a little different.
Newer than a record player?
Oh, it's newer?
I thought it was older.
A phonograph is that big ass thing with the horn on the top, dude, where that weird shit
comes out.
Oh, the shit they had on the trains back in the day.
Dude.
Yeah, that thing.
I wish.
Dude, imagine bumping Chief Keef on this device.
Shit, man, that would be... I hate being sober.
What the hell it would sound, dude.
It would sound dumb as hell.
Look at this phone.
Alexander Jam Bell, dude.
Look at that.
The dopest dude.
Well, he was racist, though.
Thomas Edison, very.
You remember his first movie, or his favorite movie?
No.
Birth of a Nation.
Birth of a Nation, which was, what was it, the box office best that year?
Yeah.
I think, damn, it's crazy.
It's a great film.
You ever heard that show?
Yeah, all right, now who's taking things back?
Oh, you see, it was a great show.
No, it was a movie.
It was a great movie.
No, no, no.
You didn't like it?
Hell, no.
That movie was horrible.
Dude, it was about the KKK rising up as heroes.
Yeah, I didn't like the second version of the KKK as much.
The resurgence in the 20s, I just wasn't a big fan of that.
The original Nathaniel Bedingford Forrest one, that's that shit.
You can come July 26 to the show, the birthplace of the KKK.
Hell yeah.
We're doing a show.
We're doing a show in the birthplace of the KKK.
And it's going to be, we had to get another white because we had too many.
We want to make it out here.
Balance it out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whew.
Pray for us.
It's going to be fun, man.
Pull through.
Somebody else said they did, they did there.
I guess that was Scott.
He ain't really black.
Scott Easton.
No, he's not black at all, dude.
He wears cool Jordans.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, he's got the sneakers, dude.
Yeah, he's got the sneaker head, man.
But yeah, actually, I need to talk to somebody black that's been there.
I didn't even know that that was the birthplace of the KKK.
I hear they don't come back, dude.
Seriously?
No, it is.
Pulaski, Tennessee.
You don't gotta look it up.
That's where we're doing a show at on 26.
You got 15 minutes?
Yep.
How about you?
Brandon has 45 minutes.
If he wants to do 45, I believe you can do 45.
It's in Tennessee.
Fort Pulaski, dude.
Oh my fucking gosh.
Tennessee, not Alabama.
Oh shit.
Soon as I searched it up, look at that.
Pulaski, Tennessee.
Damn, man.
And we're going to be there.
Den number one of the Ku Klux Klan.
We should go to the museum.
I'm good.
No.
I don't think I'll be traveling around in Pulaski.
Those guys were fucking losers.
Look how fucking stupid they look.
Damn.
What the fuck?
Those are the fucking Mass Jonah Hill cutout.
Oh, dude, that is scary as shit.
This is scary as fuck.
Oh my gosh.
Wait, is that for sale?
Wait, wait, wait.
There was a price on the bottom of it.
Hold on, let me go back down there and see that price.
You going to buy it?
Hell no.
It's for sale.
23 dollars.
Wow.
Young Adult.
Is it a book?
I think it looks like a postcard.
Music?
Let's see.
Let's click and find out.
In history class, we listen.
I say in history class.
I majored in fucking history.
In one of my history classes, we listened to the KKK's music, dude.
How was it?
Terrible.
Was it good?
They had one banger, dude.
I don't think it was actually the KKK's music, but it was a song about the KKK.
It was a very popular song called Daddy Swiped Our Last Clean Sheets and Joined the Ku Klux
Klan.
Damn.
Those are the lyrics.
Okay.
It's also the name of the song.
Okay.
Tight move.
When did that come out?
1946?
No, it was like the 20s.
This is your era.
Wow.
Folks, it really is.
I'm a whole soul, man.
I look young and I am young, but something inside makes me feel like I was here way longer.
Hopefully we got a poster put up if it's here.
We'll be there.
Come out if you're in Pulaski, Tennessee.
Bring your sheets.
Bring your torches.
You're going to need it.
Brandon, you burn him up.
No, no, we don't need to burn him.
The real neat about this photo is that they put Ku Klux costume and spelled costume with
a C. The K was right there.
Oh, it was right there.
KKK.
Yeah, you wouldn't be an asshole.
At least be clever.
Fucking worst braces ever.
Yeah, the people in the KKK are assholes.
I like that terminology.
Not that nice.
So you did a lot of filming for the skit you and Dan are on.
I think this episode will be out already when it's there.
I hope it's good, man.
I think it will be.
I think it's going to be really good.
Me too.
I hope Dan never is able to edit it.
Dan is going to lose.
Look, I'm going to tell you right now.
By the time this comes out, it's already be done and we'll have the story of what happened.
Dan right now is putting all the clips together.
What I think is probably happening right now is something he thought was going to be hard
is actually easier.
Now this could be good or it could suck because then you're like, oh, if I did that, that
was where I thought it was going to be the hardest thing.
I got that knocked out the way.
And then something that's supposed to be so simple, it's going to take him four hours
to complete for maybe five seconds of the five minute skit.
He's going to lose his family.
He's going to lose his mind and his family and his job probably.
But we're rooting for you.
Hell yeah.
You can do it.
But it's going to come out good.
It's going to be good.
I'm excited.
I told Dan he needs a cameo in the skit.
I think he should be like Stan Lee, this is Alex Z what Alex Z said.
He should be like Stan Lee and cameo and all the skits, like just for a second.
I agree.
Not a big role.
Just be in there.
I think that's dope, dude.
He could have been Nicky's husband.
Yeah.
Auntie Ro.
I don't know.
I think he should have been like the fucking the dude that sold us the guns at the pawn
shop.
Who did you get this to pawn shop, dude?
No, we didn't film that scene.
But if he was in it, he should have added a scene where he's like suspicious about it.
But then I walk in.
He's like, oh, okay.
Yeah, it would have been good.
Yeah.
Syfy was also outside of a pawn shop this morning with a shotgun at like 8 a.m.
And I would like to say this.
Okay.
What happened?
Syfy, he had a rough night.
I'm understanding of that.
But he was an hour late to the shoot.
Always fucking late.
He showed up to the wrong pawn shop and then he ran out of gas driving to the pawn shop
he was supposed to be at.
So he had to go pick him up, bring him back, shoot the skit, take him to get gas, take
him back to his car, dude.
And I told him I was going to say this on the podcast.
I understand you had a rough night.
Mr. Got jokes.
But I still have to say it.
And he was like, okay, I'm a crash a podcast and defend myself.
What time are you guys recording?
I said 4 p.m. and he said, oh, I'm sorry.
I have board duties that I have to attend to.
I have a meeting for the board.
Did you make it on time there, Syfy?
Good question.
Kim and Jessica, you guys keep him on the board for no reason.
Yeah.
I bet he had a full tank, dude.
Got there on time, full tank.
I've been at three shoots with Syfy.
He was late to everyone.
The first one here, when I was at his house before the shoot, he was like, oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, you're getting up.
Yeah, I'm gonna go back.
He's like, I'll be there.
And then came like two hours late.
Yeah, it's wild.
It's a wild thing to do.
But when Dan got the food, he was there on time.
That is.
Oh my God.
That's true.
Damn.
That's the only time he came.
Everybody showed up.
Yeah, shout out to Mo's.
That fucking white sauce, dude.
Yeah, that shit was good.
That turkey, that barbecue turkey sandwich with the sauce, those wings, man.
Shout out Mad Maltz's Brewery, brewing company.
Mad Maltz.
That's a cool place.
Hell yeah.
Let us film outside.
Barbecue.
Brandon came through looking like a fucking drugged out uncle.
It's her picture here.
You know where to find it, Alex.
The drip was on another level, dude.
You was dripped up.
Thank you.
Icy.
And that's my new style for now.
Well, when we get some more polos and clean that one, we're gonna be like, I'm gonna start
wearing more polos.
You look like you're about to go to Monday Night Raw.
Dude, I'm always ready for that.
It's Sunday.
I would go.
Definitely in Birmingham.
What kind of gibets you got on your crocs, man?
I'm glad you asked.
Are they metal?
Oh yeah, it's in there.
They got the Star Wars crocs, man.
Oh, because you watched them now.
They couldn't see that one.
Hold on, you know what?
You can't sit down here.
Sorry, y'all.
There it is.
It was upside down.
I know.
I got the crocs and now I got them wired out and open, man.
But we're gonna get socks too.
Because I was getting bad advice from people.
Wrong people.
They were like, why are you wearing socks?
What color were they?
Black.
No.
Yeah, they were black.
And then, yeah.
And they told you to wear crocs with no socks?
I feel like they were just dismissing me because it was at my house and all that.
I was like, yo, should I wear the socks or the nose?
And they were like, it don't matter.
Just do you.
And they just kept going there and going, oh, okay.
Well, then they didn't tell you to wear no socks then.
No, they were like, yeah, you can do whatever.
I was like, oh, okay.
And now that I'm wearing them, I don't like this because it's scary, man.
Because at any moment, you know me.
You know I sweat.
Bad sometimes.
And I just thought about, that would be horrible if I'm just here and we talking.
Then it comes through the tunnels and how we all smell.
Yeah?
Feet.
You don't put powder on?
Powder.
Like the Gold Bound.
Gold Bound.
The Gold Bound.
You got two different kinds.
You got body powder and you got foot powder.
Why the fuck did you just fall off like that?
I'm sorry, I'm thinking, man.
I don't...
He's like the foot.
He started thinking about feet.
I put myself on the spot here, man.
No.
Not today.
Oh, first of all.
Why is he running out of breath?
I don't know what's happening.
Oh, I was just explaining the foot stuff.
Yeah.
But why the moan?
Oh, well, because see, that didn't come out right.
Because I was thinking, hmm, I'm in... Yeah, I got to tell them the truth.
I don't.
That type of moan.
Not the feet thing.
You don't need the powder if you just wear the socks.
Oh, yeah.
But you still can put them on under the... You just put it on your feet, then put your socks
on.
Keep you fresh longer.
And on your body.
Because you sweat... Well, first of all, let's give a...
For a few sweating, dude.
Let's give a clap to Brandon for winning Shenanigans.
Oh, hell yeah.
Number one.
You still number one.
Defend this champion.
Next one.
You got to go defend yourself next one.
Hell yeah.
That's what I'm going to be.
I'm going to be wild, stand up, open mic, $100 winner.
Hosted by Daniel Harden.
Shout out.
And then afterwards, congratulations.
Happy for him.
So I go out there to give him a hug.
Bad idea, man.
He was the wettest.
I mean, he literally could have... If he would have told me he jumped in water and
jumped back out, the same consistency of wetness.
Yeah.
And I was also sitting next to Brandon when they announced that he won and he just kept
sitting there.
For real?
I was confused.
I was like, wait, do I wait until after this thing?
And the winner is Brandon Willis.
And he's just sitting there.
And me and Matthew Lumber were like, yo dude, you won.
He was like, hmm.
I was confused.
I was like, oh shit.
And they're like, Brandon, you won.
Go up there.
He's like, okay.
And he kept sitting there.
And we were like, dude, go get the money.
He was like, right now?
Yeah, dude.
I didn't want to look like I just wanted to run up there and be like, oh shit, dude,
give me the money.
I was thinking in my mind, oh shit, how should I go up there?
He's trying to be Mr. Cool, bro.
I don't want to be like, oh man, he just want this money.
No, man, I'm happy.
I'm very excited.
And I was sweaty.
It was bad.
Hell yeah.
But good.
Good.
Man, I was so happy because that was a milestone.
Definitely.
Hell yeah, dude.
Did you get some action after that?
Action?
Yeah.
Yeah, I got some action.
Got to.
Hell yeah, man.
I went home, played some WWE.
That's my action.
No, I'm just kidding.
But after that, we did get action.
He's like, yeah, we fuck while playing WWE.
Yeah, we got action.
It's good.
Yeah.
Sweating, that's a horrible thing.
I hate it.
I feel like it's a curse down from whoever hates people.
I don't know because that shit's bad.
You remember when I told you about my exam?
Yeah.
When I went up.
So at my college, man, we got to go up a hill.
And I was going up this hill sweating so fast.
It was so fucking bad.
It was so bad.
I wanted to turn around.
I didn't even want to take this exam.
I wanted to take the F because it was so bad.
And I went up there.
And every time I go to this dude's class, I miss 20 minutes or 30 minutes because I have
to dry off.
And then I have to get a different shirt and change and shit.
And then I go in there and it's halfway through.
And then I got to get the other stuff so it's not a bad situation.
We smell bad.
So I go in there and I take the test.
And I can't go to the bathroom because it's a time thing.
So I'm just sweating horrible.
And it's getting all over my homework and people looking at me like I'm about to die
or something.
Then I got to go up to him and give him the soaked up, soggy ass essay and smile and be
like, oh man, here you go.
You want to grade it?
But thankfully I passed.
That's all I can say.
And now I'm a cashier now.
So now whenever I'm bagging people's grocery, I got to have my sweat rag and just try to
help you out and then calculate my fingers now because you got to do the percentage
shit with donations.
What are the percentages that you do?
Okay, so somebody be like, hey man, you know, let's say they had 850 or something.
Hey man, it could be anything.
It could be like, hey, round it up to the next dollar or you can round up to let's say
20 or 50 or 30 or something.
If they generous enough, if they generous enough, then I'm going to have to figure it
out.
Right?
So now-
It's not a calculation.
Brandon, where are the percentages, man?
Oh, my bad.
Round up.
I was like, I rounded up to that.
Like one dude, dude, I just talked to you about like 74 cents.
Dude, my mind slipped because one dude said, he was like, round it up to 10.
I said, all right, I got you.
And I accidentally rounded up.
I rounded up to nine.
And then he looked at me like, he could have done 10.
I was like, fuck, I should have had a whole another dollar.
You right, man.
Why did you round up to nine?
Because I was like, dude, in my mind, I was like, I wanted to get it.
I wanted to get the round.
So I was like, first let's get it up because I want to round it up, make sure I can round
it up to the nine dollar.
And then as soon as I did that, I forgot to add extra fuck.
But every other one was perfect, though.
Brandon, Brandon, somebody says, Brandon, somebody pays 850 for something and tells you to round
it up to 10 dollars.
Yeah, but there's no math.
It's just 10 dollars.
You just type it in as 10 dollars into the register.
I'm going to be honest, I got a little scared.
So it was my first time, man.
And I get it, man.
But I'm just saying for future reference.
Oh, yeah, I got it now.
So you do less math.
Well now, now what I do is I'll if they say round up something, I'll be like, I'll start
off with the hundred and then I'll minus whatever's on there with the hundred.
And I'm like, OK, the remainder is what you put on there.
So then that's what I started doing now.
And then it works every time now because like I just use my mind and look impressive.
If I have to pull out my phone, I pull it out.
So I'm a customer.
I'm a customer.
OK.
And my groceries are twenty one dollars and forty eight cents.
And I tell you, I want to round it up to twenty five dollars for the donation.
OK.
So I put four dollars and how much forty eight cents?
Twenty one dollars and forty eight cents.
I end up rounded up to twenty five dollars.
OK.
What are you going to put into the cash register?
All right.
So first we had four and then you said forty eight cents, right?
Yes.
Twenty one forty eight.
OK.
Take away two.
Oh, I got a count here.
All right.
So forty eight.
Sixty eight.
Seventy eight.
OK.
So we have to sixty.
Wait a minute.
So I know you got the four dollars.
I'm thinking right now.
OK.
Let's see.
Fifty ten.
So now we have sixty.
Take away two.
OK.
So sixty two cents and four dollars.
Five dollars.
Oh, I thought you said twenty one because one, two, three, four and then sixty two cents.
So then that makes it all twenty five together, right?
It would be a dollar less than that.
Yeah.
Twenty six.
Because you got the twenty one when you get the change.
Twenty one forty eight.
So fifty two cents added on to that is going to make it twenty two.
So yeah.
Once you add.
Oh my bad.
Fifty two.
Man, I'm slipping.
Fifty two cents.
That's what you said the first time.
No, the fifty two is right.
Yes.
So if you have the twenty one forty eight, you add fifty two cents to that and it's twenty
two dollars.
Oh, shit.
My bad.
Three dollars.
Yeah, I'm giving the max a dollar.
Yeah, dude.
Brandon, I just want to know what your fucking end of the day is.
There's no way it's right.
It was surprisingly I made like more than.
I looked at it and they're like, man, you waited.
Damn.
You still have more than the goal.
I'm like, damn.
You're stealing from the customer.
You're stealing their money.
We're learning.
That's why you're making record break.
Brandon's the best public employee in history, dude.
We like your style, Brandon.
We're going to need you to stay here a good couple more years if you can.
You won't have to clean toilets, but keep robbing these customers.
Dude, this is hurting me.
So I like this.
I love it.
So so whenever you put it in, you just have to separate whatever the real price is to
the donations.
Yes.
So you put it in a different or like a different account or what?
So what I do is I scan this thing and then this barcode pops up and it says, how much
do you want to put in?
And then what I can do is I'll put in the amount and it'll be like, it'll show me how
much it'll be all together.
So then thankfully I can confirm it.
And it was like not enough.
I blow me back out of this and redo it.
And then I redo it.
So when the dude said he wanted to donate $10.
Oh yeah.
That part, what happened was I was texting and then I put it in and then added in the
rest of the change to bring it up to nine.
Cause I wasn't thinking because like I literally, I remember before he came up, I literally
okay.
So I'm just saying in your process, you said you brought it up to nine because you wanted
to make sure.
Yes.
Now why if it, you know, I don't get that part of the, yeah.
Because I don't know why it went over my head when he said rounded up.
I was like, oh shit, let me just round it up.
And I wasn't thinking add the extra round up part.
I don't know what happened.
Cause I can't not do it.
I remember before that I was looking at the lay.
I was like, wait, so I got to round this up by myself?
She was like, yeah.
And then I was like, well, thankfully we won't have to deal with it.
As soon as I turned round up, but everybody else was like $1, $2.
Then they had to round up.
But then after my mistake, I sat there and thought for a minute, use my hands, use a
little calculator if I had to.
And then we had them all perfect.
Yes, yes, yes.
Your boy has a good cashier now.
He was a rocky start, but had everybody come.
Cause I kept on, they had the same celebration set.
I kept on ringing this and everybody was like, damn, he keep ringing it.
That's what's up.
And it got to the point where I started having to ask people, I was like, do you want me
to ring this or you want to ring this?
So we just don't have to ring this because I don't know if it's getting on your nerves
or not.
You hear that public?
Give this man a raise.
I am going to public and buying something.
Yes.
From Brandon.
I'm going to go through the line three or four times and have you ring the bell.
I'm like, damn man.
I gave it to one dude.
He just took it.
I'm like, Hey, hey, you can't.
What the fuck?
Hey man, you can't use that.
Oh, I thought this is part of my doughnut.
No man, give me my.
It's a donation.
You don't get anything in return.
Oh no, you get free coupons.
Oh, okay.
I gave a lot of free coupons to people.
Good coupons?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's good.
That's all right.
For what items?
Do you remember any of them?
I forgot.
It was like basic house stuff.
Like you got a little toilet paper stuff, like downy.
Maybe you got a little couple of snacks.
A lot of downy.
Yeah.
We need a lot of that.
And I don't know, maybe you get a water or something.
I don't know, dude.
They had a lot of good stuff though.
Water or something nice.
Never know.
Something nice.
Shit ain't water.
They'll hook you up.
Hell yeah.
We'll go to Publix and see Brandon and donate.
What's the cause?
Okay.
American Miracle Network.
Okay.
American who?
American Miracle Network.
Okay.
Well they.
Wait, hold on.
Hold on.
Children's Miracle Network.
Okay.
Is that their thing?
Let me make sure.
Kids with cancer and stuff like that.
Yeah, that's a good cause.
So go donate to Publix and if you see Brandon give him an extra donation, make it do a little
math.
Or not.
Just add a dollar plus.
I want to add 20% of the total and then round it up to the.
Please, for the love of God, do this.
And film it and Brandon won't know who you are.
He won't even remember this conversation we're having right now.
I'm not.
See, look at these kids, man.
This is who you're donating to, man.
They've got the Windows XP background behind them.
Their fate is in my hands right now.
That is the window.
Their fate is in my hands right now.
And you're going to get all that money.
How much money did you raise for them, dude?
$85.
In one day.
Yep, and I was only supposed to do $75.
And 40 of it was stolen.
It may or may not have been a little bit more.
There's not a chance that you didn't steal.
Oh yeah.
Dude, I even told them.
I was like, man.
And they were like, dude, it's your first day.
We understand.
I was like, thank you.
Oh, so you know what happened.
Oh no, I didn't take note.
Like, no, I'm saying like you made a mistake and then the people in the audience, it's
okay.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, like because.
Because you went up like $5 when they said two.
Yeah.
Oh, thankfully I got to back out before I had to call anybody up front.
Because if I have a mistake, I'll be like right there like, manager, come here for a
minute.
Put in your coat.
What's the biggest mistake you ever made at work?
Biggest mistake?
I guess the biggest reason to mistake is when I saw somebody run out with shit.
I was like, damn, I can't do shit about that.
I don't think that's a mistake.
That's not on you.
You're not supposed to do it.
Yeah, you're right.
I think he's illegal.
Because somebody wanted me.
Why didn't you do nothing?
I was like, dude, I'm not going to die for some damn toilet paper or some shit.
He pull out with a damn 12 gauge or some shit.
I don't know.
You get paid $7.25.
Exactly.
You fucking fuck them.
But what besides that was the reason?
Because I've made some whoppers.
Oh yeah, whoppers, whoppers, whoppers.
I guess one thing that I probably did was I guess with the first time cash hearing, when
I first started, I may or may not have donated 10 bucks to somebody saying it was a dollar
because it was in the wrong spot.
I don't know how I got to the wrong spot.
It's very similar.
Because I was counting, I was looking, I was like, okay, one, two, because it was in the
one, two dollar.
And I looked at one, I was like, when I gave it away, I thought about it, I was like, I
hope.
So it may or may not have been.
So somebody gave you a 10 and you thought it was a one and you changed that for one.
No, he gave them a 10.
Because in the scene, I don't know, I think there was a 10 accidentally in the dollar
scene.
Yeah, well Brandon, you were the cashier.
This was like my first day and I opened it up and I was just like, oh shit.
So I don't know if I did it fast.
Maybe I looked at it fast and I was just like, oh, that looked like one.
And I just paranoid myself.
Yeah.
And hopefully that wasn't a mistake, man.
I almost made a big ass mistake yesterday though.
I almost killed a fucking possum driving home in the middle of the night with this other
car.
I came back in, I heard toot toot.
Then I drove back down to make sure that I didn't do nothing wrong.
Thankfully I didn't.
What was the doob do?
I swear, I thought it was the fucking possum.
Dude, I lost my shit.
You probably did run it over.
You probably did.
You just wandered off into the woods.
That's what I thought.
Because I was like-
Died grotesquely.
That's definitely what happened.
Yeah, I was going to cop myself off guard because I was like, what if he was like, oh
shit, and he just crawled up to a tree and died with honor.
I feel so fucking bad.
I hope I didn't kill this thing.
I'll tell you, I fucking destroyed a possum not that long ago when we were driving to
Maggie Myers from Jake and Charlie were in the truck in front of me.
They swerved out of the way, but I was driving behind them and I just fucking hit it because
I had no time to react.
Yeah.
That's what you're supposed to do though.
Yeah, he was dead as shit, dude.
Damn, man.
Damn.
It's a possum.
I know, I know.
Damn.
They do that.
I was getting crushed by a couple of tons of metal, but-
I thought I was going to see him busted open that fucking street.
So you just didn't see him, that's why you thought you didn't kill him?
Yeah.
I turned around.
I was like, damn, because I forgot something.
I forgot my pen.
You can't forget that.
The weed pen.
Writing.
So I went back and got that.
And then I drove back to make sure that the job wasn't finished because we don't want
that job finished.
I want it alive.
And it wasn't there.
It just wasn't there.
No.
Yeah, you probably broke his back and then it crawled out.
Fuck.
Damn.
That's exactly what I thought.
I was like, damn, he probably crawled out.
Or it's like crushed up under your car.
Dude, I couldn't do it.
It's still there.
I would not.
That's going to be a part of my fuck.
Ugh, man.
Fuck that.
Ugh.
But at least it's just a possum.
A turtle will be worse to hit.
You can ramp off of a turtle.
You can catch some air on one of them.
Or a groundhog.
Those are big as fuck.
No fuck groundhog, though.
Yeah.
You see how they die?
They look so weird, man.
I didn't know y'all liked this.
Dude, did y'all see that beaver that guy?
It was a fucking big ass beaver got hit right here on Zert Road.
Oh.
And it was there for almost like a week.
And it just looked so funny because his arms were so short and his mouth was open.
Aw.
Yeah, the tape was out.
I saw a beaver walking across that thing like a long time ago.
Out here in the back?
Yeah.
By the pond.
And then, dude, there was one time I used to go to this gym and there was this bridge
going up to Ardmore and there was this dead dog on the side of the bridge.
It was like a blue healer, like one of the small ones.
And nobody moved it for like four months, dude.
It was like the summer.
It was like July.
It was like melted into the side of the road.
And so that's what I would think about when I was trying not to ejaculate too fast.
I think while having sex, I would think about that grotesquely just like burnt up dog on
the hot asphalt and just the smell.
People.
The smell.
He has killed people before.
Damn.
I am sure of it.
You just hear what he's just saying?
Yeah, that was fucking crazy.
He thought about a dead mutilated dog.
During sex.
Were you doing doggy style?
And then I came, dude.
Damn.
And it didn't work?
No, it just sped it up.
Oh, shit.
It got me going, dude.
That's horrible, man.
I saw a dog on the highway once, man.
I was like, damn.
You saw what on the highway?
I saw a dog on the highway once, man.
I was like, nobody going to get this Pomeranian.
It was bad.
He was gone.
Oh, that's a crazy dog.
I know.
I couldn't believe it.
I was like, this dog is right.
I remember I saw a golden retriever too when I was leaving from the wire, man.
And I was like, I know that this thing is not dead on the side.
When that turned around.
And then the dog hospital was there.
You know, a little veterinarian.
People pulled up with their truck.
Thankfully got him.
Weird shit.
He was still dead though.
Man, I think so.
Thankfully, they got him, dude.
Yeah, he was gone, man.
He was.
He's gone, sadly.
What's the word?
Nigga's dead.
The bushes make me and the dog.
Dead, right?
No more I love Marley, all right?
You never seen Marley?
Marley and me.
Oh, fuck.
No more I love Marley.
Yeah, right.
Bob Marley died on the side of the street.
That was a good dude too, right?
Rest in peace, Bob.
He hears you.
Don't worry about a thing.
Because every little thing is going to be all right.
Well, he's dead.
I guess it was an all right.
Rest in peace, though.
He's a good dude.
He got high.
Fred had never changed one time.
Rest in peace with that guy.
He got high.
Hell yeah, dude.
I still got to see that movie.
Oh, the Bob Marley movie?
Before we get off track, what's the one thing that you fucked up at work?
Dude, what have I not fucked up at work?
The one that you're like, oh, I fucked up.
It's been a lot.
There was one time I worked at Target and it was Black Friday and this dude came in
and bought seven or eight PS4s.
And he was using this Black Friday coupon that, you know, like the little magazines
they hand out around the holidays.
The kids, they circle what they want for Christmas.
This was a man.
And he had one of those.
And he had it circled and he bought seven of them.
And I bring up the coupon on like all seven.
And I didn't look at the fine print where it's like limited to one.
So I lost him like a shit ton of money because it was like a straight up.
It was the year before the next gen console.
Okay.
Year before the five.
Yeah.
So it was the PS4 like it was the PS4 and the Spider-Man game for like 150 bucks.
Oh my God.
Like 300.
Damn.
So it was like, we're talking about like over a thousand dollars.
Dude.
Holy shit.
Did they fire you?
I went right into you.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
That was Black Friday.
And then I think I worked, I came in for my shift the next week and I got called into
like the, because I didn't even realize and nobody realized I guess until they looked
back at it.
And they called me in to the office next week and they were like, Hey, did you um,
sell a whole bunch of PS4s last week on Black Friday?
And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm doing good.
Right?
And then they were like, yeah, I was a, that was a one use coupon.
You know, after you clock out today, don't worry about coming back.
I was like, Oh, okay.
Sick dude.
I get PTO and they're like, no, you're fired.
Sick.
That's my worst nightmare, man.
That's why I was so terrified to cash here.
And one day something like that happened.
Well at least they don't sell shit like that at Publix.
Yeah.
Oh, nah, man.
They sell like food close to that price though.
So like a hundred for 25 for like a really pricey steak, probably some big, big dude
and people because it's like the rich area, man.
Everybody coming in with the downtown by the hospital, $600 orders each.
It's like crazy.
Like 500 for it.
It'd be like two or three carts, man.
I'd be scanning them back into and bagging some.
Yeah.
Most of the time.
Cause like, you know, people be busy.
They have to go or something.
So that's just me.
I feel like that they only have to go when it's you Brandon.
Cause every time I go to Publix, they're like, Hey, hold on, man.
You're not busy.
Come here.
Oh dude.
I also made another mistake at Target.
This lady yelled at me because I put, she had bought just like a whole bunch of random
like, you know, like a grocery, like every week, if you go and get random groceries,
I put the pacifier she bought in the same bag as a bottle of bleach.
Ooh.
And she was real mad about that.
Well, I mean.
I'd say it's disinfectant, dude.
I mean, I understand.
It's packaged up.
The pacifier was packaged too?
Both of them.
Yeah.
You should have been good.
She was just real mad about it.
Which I understand, probably first time parent, you know, they're always real cautious with
the first one.
Yeah.
Until, you know, it's there.
They go to college and you're in debt.
Oh yeah.
They ain't want nothing to do with you.
Then you would've, then you would've wished I would've dipped that motherfucker in there
and gave it to him, dude.
Yeah.
I remember one time I was driving a forklift and I was working with ammo, right?
But I didn't know how to drive a forklift and they were just like, hey, go take this
big ass pallet of ammo and put it over here.
And I told him, I was like, I don't know how to drive a forklift.
He was like, oh, you'll figure it out.
Fuck you talking about.
So I go over there and I don't figure it out.
And I raised this whole, probably about $25,000 a piece.
So let's say over $300,000 worth of ammo on this pallet.
And I raised it up and I got the shit stuck in the air all the way to wherever the highest
you ever seen a forklift goes, a 10k forklift.
So real big one.
I had it all the way out and all the way up and it could have killed like a lot of people.
And then we couldn't figure it out how to get back down.
It got stuck up there.
Never happened to it.
We had to get another bigger forklift to come over there and like slam all the stuff on
the ground.
But how was it stuck?
I don't know.
I think it was because of the weight or whatever.
It was too much weight to go that far because the farther you go out and the farther you
go up, the less strength the forklift has.
So if it's all the way out and all the way up and it just got stuck.
But it wouldn't even go down?
Couldn't do anything with it.
It was stuck.
Huh.
It was stuck all the way up.
I probably would have done the same thing.
I mean, it's my first time driving a forklift.
When I worked this landscaping job, my first day he put me in an excavator and I'm like,
you know, I have no experience with like heavy machinery or operating anything like this.
And he was like, you ever played a video game?
I was like, yeah.
He's like, you got it.
I'm like, what?
And I couldn't get it started.
It took me like three hours to turn it on because I didn't know you had to have your
seatbelt on and the thing over you for it to just start.
And then once I get it, we're on like this steep ass hill in this backyard and this really
like very wealthy neighborhood in Madison.
And we're trying to terrace his backyard and we're digging up these boulders like straight
up boulders, dude.
It looked like a fucking meteorite.
And we're tying a chain around the bucket and then trying to get it around the boulder
to pull it out.
And then we got this one out, dude.
And it just started rolling down the hill directly towards the house.
And I was like, damn, I just murdered a family.
And their home is gone.
This is going to be bad.
But then it stopped.
So we're all good.
There's another time.
Were you just standing there like staring at it while it was rolling down?
I mean, I'm not going to go try and catch it.
No, I know.
That's what I'm saying.
You didn't run after you just stared at it, right?
I mean, I'm in the excavator and I'm just like, well, gotta look for another job.
There's another time that same job we were like trying to demolish this storm shelter
that was underground.
So we had to like dig it out and dig a trench around it.
And we were trying to cut off the roof and just collapse it in on itself and just bury
all of it.
And so I had a stone saw, which you have to like attach a water hose to, to spray the
blade so it doesn't overheat or melt or whatever.
And I'm standing on top of the roof trying to cut out what I'm standing on.
So I would fall into this like 12 foot hole with water is filling up in it from the saw.
There's exposed rebar from where we cut off the sides.
And then the saw is also plugged in to the electrical outlet.
And then I'm trying to move it and it won't move.
And I look and the extension cord is in the people's pool and I'm like ankle deep in water.
And my friend is in the excavator banging the top of the roof that I'm standing on with
the bucket to try to get it to fall.
So if it would have fell, I would have got impaled by rebar, electrocuted, drowned, dropped
the saw on myself.
I mean it would have been like a crazy death.
It would have had to have been, I probably would have had like three caskets.
You know what I mean?
You would have made it on the video.
It would have been like, man, we can't even get this dude out.
Yeah.
That's horrible.
That's what scares me, dude.
Cause you imagine Brandon doing a joke.
If he said that to me, he's like, oh, it's like a video game.
He's going to sit in his room and I would have accidentally probably ran into where
he was sitting at.
Would have been like, oh, it's a game, huh?
How did this happen?
Oh man, it's GTA.
Cause you're dead.
All right.
I'm sorry.
I told you I didn't know how to use this shit and now I look where we at.
Brandon shouldn't be using any heavy machinery in the slightest.
A cash register is the heaviest thing.
Exactly.
What do you feel safe on a fucking, what is that Cadillac Escalade or whatever they call
those things?
Whatever they call them dude.
They call them things.
They reach the edge in the night.
Those nice little cars.
I like Cadillacs.
That's like the biggest car.
I'm a Cadillac.
Well, that one's big, but you know the other Cadillacs.
They're big too.
They're like known for being large.
Wait, the long ones?
The small ones?
The small long ones?
The ones, because I know that's not an SUV, the little tiny, what do they call those?
The CTS?
Oh yes, the CTS.
Is the CTS a CTS?
CTS I think.
I think there's two.
There's a CTS for sure.
That's the one I want.
And CVS is a form of stuff.
CVS.
CTS Cadillac.
There we go.
The CTS V, look that one up.
That's the one that Hugh Jackman was driving in that Logan movie.
He said the V?
At the beginning.
Oh yeah.
He said fire.
What, this?
Yeah, he was driving like an armored one of those.
Oh man, dude, that's always been my dream to have like a Cadillac like that.
You remember the 1928 one Al Capone had that was proof?
No, don't want to remember.
Can you look it up?
Yes man, let me show you this beautiful piece of art.
You remember that car from 100 years ago that nobody's ever seen?
Not yet, it's close to 100.
Yeah, it's 96.
It's right there, it's probably one of those.
Let's see, Al Capone.
Yep.
Look at this car, man.
That looks like the Joker's car.
I know, it's nice.
And then like where's the end?
Hopefully we find you good ends here because they have things where you could-
It looks terrible, dude.
I know, it looks terrible, but they have stuff that, I mean, it's probably shit now, but
back in the day, man, you could raise it up and protect everything.
It'd be like a tank.
It is kind of cool.
Oh, and also it had police radars on it too.
So the police came, you could listen to the radio and go beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
and warn you.
You can still get one of those.
Oh yeah, yeah, one of mine.
Yeah, I have a family member that has one.
Yeah, I remember he used to show me, he was like, just how you do it?
And I was like, okay.
Oh, there's somebody getting murdered.
But guess what?
I don't need that, man.
I just have my eyes and look around.
I can see it.
It's all you need, man.
Yeah, I see a good cop coming.
You got good vision, Brandon?
Nah, not really, man.
I haven't been to eye doctoring in years.
Can you see?
Oh, I mean, yeah, I mean back in the day.
Can you read this?
Yeah, please don't do coke in the bathroom.
Okay.
Well, he's also seen that sign a whole lot.
Can you read this?
I can see the silver dollar comedy nights.
Okay, now you can see that.
I can see pretty good.
I remember they had me wear glasses before, like when I was in high school or something,
it was like some reading glasses or something with the little square at the bottom.
And then you had the thing where you could see normally on one side.
Oh, like bifocals?
Yeah, bifocals.
I used to have to wear those.
How fucking old are you, dude?
I used to have to wear bifocals, but I kept losing them or breaking them.
So what does this say right here?
Oh my gosh.
Finding you're funny.
Two thumbs up.
I can't do after that.
But I feel like nobody could do after that.
You got pretty good eyesight.
Damn, because I am licensed to give you an eye exam.
Ooh, discounted and all?
I mean, we can just do it right here, dude.
Okay.
I mean, I don't have any equipment.
I also don't do the exams.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Be nice.
Brandon, we just did.
You can read that.
Oh yeah, I'm a good man.
Look at this.
We already got it all good.
I'm good.
I can read.
I'm a good man.
I can read.
I can read perfectly from afar.
So I feel like I outgrew that, man.
I don't need to buy bifucking lingo glasses.
Brandon actually reversed macular degeneration to the first human ever.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
Yeah, man.
Do you have a problem with seeing up close?
Because if you have reading glasses, that would imply that you're farsighted.
I don't know why I did that in my hands.
He's reading his poems.
That's what I was doing.
Yeah, it'll get a little blurry.
I feel like that happens to everybody.
That's everybody.
I can see right here.
Look, ingredients, purified water.
You got that calcium, a little bit of chloride.
I'm not sure what that is.
And then sodium, okay, hold on, bicarbonate.
That's for you.
That's good.
Bicarbonate.
All right.
It likes both men and women.
Purified by reverse osmosis.
Osmosis Jones.
Osmosis.
Yeah.
Osmosis.
That's what it is.
Osmosis.
All right, here.
We got to go, but after, we're going to go after this.
Why don't you read the ingredients in this right here.
Good catch, bro.
Yeah, that was nice, wasn't it?
All right.
Top shelf, king nitric oxide.
Your kingdom will come.
More size, more blood flow, less fatigue.
That's not the ingredient.
Oh, shoot, my bad.
I got happy.
Let me see.
I got happy.
All the ingredients.
Damn, man.
Just try it.
Hypromellosis, right?
Mellos?
We don't know.
Capsule, magnesium, stearates.
And then you got silicone dioxide, micro crystalline cellulose.
Yeah.
And then it says, setrea is a registered trait.
What the fuck is that?
The kaiwaka?
The kaiwaka.
What was the biohaka?
You said scrolled down.
Wait, so wait, I don't.
Dude, I'm not.
Oh, yeah, Brandon, that's the company, man.
That's not an ingredient.
It's Kiyohako Bio Company.
It's a Japanese, looks Japanese.
But yeah, I mean, you were killing that other.
I know, right, man? I know.
I'm getting there.
Boy, I see you skip some of these.
I'm like, we're not going to death.
Dom, you go ahead.
You know, I just probably be.
All right.
Hydro melatonus.
Magnesium, sterate, silicone dioxide,
microcrystalline, cellulose.
You did all the easy ones.
That's the fucking whole ingredients.
What are you talking about?
Look down on the list.
Yeah, it's a little harder words.
What do you that's literally all the ingredients.
Oh, no, this.
Once there's a space, that's not the ingredients right here.
That's not the fucking ingredients do this and nutrition, nutritional facts.
Vitamin C, vitamin D3.
They're hard, dude.
Chlorutrolin. Nitro, ZIG, probably Zine.
That's not a German.
Yeah, I don't even know.
I haven't tried that one.
Ceratia,
that's a one star.
Mena Q9 SK2.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it. Hey, that's all for us guys.
We covered a lot today inside out to Hitler.
A little bit, we've touched on stealing money for charity.
Yes. Brandon's Robin Hood.
That's what I learned today.
That's what he's doing.
He is robbing the hood.
Yeah, he's robbing the rich hood, though.
Oh, well, that's fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, from those motherfuckers.
Yeah. Yes.
And if there's ever a court case or something, these are jokes.
Don't kill me.
OK.
Brandon is a Rico.
And then the next day, we're like, Brandon, what the fuck is this?
He's laundering money.
The fuck it was.
Children take up.
Now you're acting like freeway Rick Ross from Snowfall.
You're stealing money.
You're doing shit.
You're selling shit that you ain't supposed to sell.
Go to jail.
And now I'm in there for the rest of my life
just because I want to make people fucking happy.
Yeah, we'll buy you out.
OK, good.
Yeah, we'll use all that money you stole from those sick kids.
All right. Peace.
Thanks for tuning in.
Let's all go to college, baby.
It's with Brandon,
where it's coming.
JJ.
Let's all go to college, baby.
It's with Brandon, where it's coming.
JJ.
Reverse osmosis.