this week on clown college.
That's what Reddit told me, dude.
Yeah, they'll tell you.
I believe it now.
That's why I read it.
He applied for an art school in Austria or like Vienna or something,
and they're like, nah, man, you suck.
Damn.
Okay.
And then, you know, he got into politics after that, you know,
and he started doing the beer hall push and he got some cool guys to team up with them.
And then he started killing the man.
So what part of this has been bad?
Welcome to clown college.
We have profound knowledge in many ways to elevate and make your sound polished.
So if you want to hear a little honest, a few takes on a ways to make it as a comic,
let's stick around for a while.
If you're down to clown, we got the guests right now just to show you how.
Let's all go to clown college, baby.
It's with Brandon, when it's down and changing.
Let's all go to college, baby.
It's with Brandon, when it's down and changing.
See if you hear it now.
Hello.
Yeah, I got it.
It's on there.
And we're back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What episode is this, Brandon?
This is episode 32.
I think he's right.
Yeah.
I think he's right. Yeah.
33.
This is 33.
I don't know.
No, I think 32.
Hey, I'm not anymore.
If you've seen the production value went up, that's because we have an Asian.
Yeah.
Got to love him, dude.
Hell yeah.
Finding your funny.
Oh, I forgot we had that.
By Alex Z.
I love this.
I love this so much.
We're going to put a.
The actual films on that VHS tape.
Oh, if anybody had a fucking VHS anymore.
Could you imagine like you do?
Yep.
Oh, my God.
I look up.
You were you rewind it with the pencil and everything.
Oh, I rarely use the only time I used it was to watch like old Summer Slam videos.
For my 1993.
Dude, I had the Summer Slam.
What Summer Slam do you have?
I think I have Summer Slam 94 and then I have like a bunch of the raw episodes,
like from back to back from 95 and I think 96 and 7, maybe even 98.
Damn.
Damn, those were the Jordan years.
Hell yeah.
Second run.
So this is my me and JJ both just started working.
40 hours a week.
And make you sound so suspicious.
Because because this is my third energy drink today.
And I had to hit JJ up because he is the energy drink connoisseur.
I wanted to get your list of top five energy drink.
Dude, off the dome.
I made it now. I developed this list over several years and obviously there's some
subjectivity. Everybody likes different flavors, but if you don't agree with me,
you're wrong on this one.
My favorite C4.
Like I want to choose one from each big brand because I don't want to be, you know,
weird about it.
Yeah.
Favorite C4 is strawberry watermelon ice.
I don't like all that candy collaboration they got going on, dude.
It's just too much.
You want to get energy.
You want to eat candy.
D.
Yeah.
And then Bucked Up.
The Miami flavor now.
Brandon, look, this one.
I never heard Bucked Up Miami.
Now this one has 300 milligrams of caffeine.
That's a hundred more than the C4.
So you get a little bit more pep in your step.
I guess they sell it as a pre-workout too.
But yeah, the candy.
That's it, dude.
Look at that.
Is that everywhere?
No, that's and you've got to go to the five star on the corner of capshaw
And all over bed road do it and you find one of them, but don't go there because they're mine, dude
I'll buy all them
Monster zero red or ultra red. Okay. Yeah ultra red. That's a good classic how to throw a monster in there
the rise sunny d
That's the morning time energy kind of what it's sunny d flavor. Let me search this up rise with a y
Oh sunny d sunny d has a fucking well, it's a sunny d collaboration with this company dude
It's so fucking good right there, bro
I've never seen that the ride. They have a kool-aid a ring pop
Baja blast
I gotta look this up a lot of shit dude, but the sunny d is my favorite. It tastes just like sunny d man
Really? Yeah, not it doesn't have like the sugar in it that's honey d does so it's like kind of tastes like a diet
It's honey d but that that flavors there bro. You close your eyes. You're in first grade dude
Your uncle's molesting you or whatever
I'm sorry, man. That was on call four dude. That was on me. He said oh, no, it's okay
And then the last one
He's hey whatever help
Damn
You say his sunny d rise. Oh, man. I'm sorry. Damn that that that's good. I'm glad they did it like that sunny d rise
Yeah, yeah, you're rising. So is your dick. That's what I feel like morning wood morning wood
Rooster crows. Yeah
Yeah
You gotta hack it
Whoa what you know, you gotta you gotta do something that's standing up. So you gotta get it down
How do you get it down brana? Well
by either sex or
You gotta whack the bush
Whack it. Why the bush? Yes, two things sex or whack it
Do you take do you take your uh pubic hair and then wrap it around the head of your penis?
No, it does that itself
What the fuck you got a boa constrictor pubes dude pulling it
I don't know that's what's trying to wake me up or something
then I stand up and I gotta and then I get kind of stuck and gotta go to the restroom and just
Untangle it. Yep. Yeah this yeah because like why are they moving ever since middle school?
I had that problem. I played basketball and I don't know why
But uh, I would jump or something and then I don't know. Okay
So this thing is this good. Okay, so we all know, you know, you man. Okay, I got it. I got a normal
Thing right and then sometimes they'll hide when it's like working out or something, right?
And then when it goes back into this little
Little you know what? I mean little little what is that? No, it's when it when it closes
Uh, uh, they close it pull the hairs with it and then I would jump and when I would jump and try to do a layup
Or something it would yank me back to the ground
That's not how physics works, but and that shit it gets caught up in there. Yes
Yeah, so you're saying it's like a tractor beam kind of situation
It like retracts and they just get caught up in there. It goes with it. Yeah, it can happen at any moment
That's why I invested in man. Yep who were sponsored by
I don't they would never do is it an appropriate question to ask somebody if they're circumcised or not? Is that a pit?
I don't know
Like okay, what you mean? So, okay, so I don't know them dude
So the difference what's the difference circumcise that you have the foreskin or you can look it up now
Yeah, look at that. They got medical. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's see. Yeah, and this is completely educational. This is not
Weird at all sized versus uncircumcised. Yeah
Yeah, man, I mean
It's do you got the hood or so you really don't know right now like as we speak right now
All right, click on that image. Yep. Okay
Okay, so
Because it's not like that it's like the the circumcised one but every once in a while it can close
Oh, then you're circumcised probably I would say okay. Maybe you just got like, you know
Well kind of shitty job done when you were a kid. Yeah
That could be it because I'll man it still happens sometimes
I just like walk if I sit down too long and stand up. Oh, oh
One minute everybody freak on blood. What's wrong? I'm like nothing. I just I gotta go wait
What is that about? Oh, I'm talking about like trying to stand up or something. They can hurt and I just yeah
But oh shit when you stand up your penis hurts. No, I'm talking about I'm talking about what happened with remember the basketball thing
The hair yes, oh the hair is inside
But why are they moving independently like the hairs what's rustling around in there?
You say what's moving what's moving? I think when I move
It's like everything's there and then the hair do oh i'm here too. So then they just all meet together
Yeah, and they get caught until they get in the situation and then you know, I gotta go in there and break it up
I got long taint hair. Yeah
So that's why I'm asked I can braid it
Okay, me too. Actually, yeah, yeah. I did one time. I'm glad this is a
bonding moment
I mean I could try but my arthritis would try to circumcise man learn how to swim and now i'm circumcised you learn as well
Yeah, so what happened was uh, we went to the kiddie pool and I was like fucking man
I'm just gonna do this and I swam like back and forth weirdly, but I did it the kiddie for yes
And it was like what was it the highest it was was like four feet or five feet
Oh, that's not and I just I went from there to the one. Oh shit feet came back and I did good
You didn't get no feet on the ground
No, man
I mean I did one thing where I got like to the real lower level and accidentally like got excited and started wiggling my feet
And bam hit the fucking bottom
When you stubbed your toe under water and it was a rough start too because like when I got there
I brought my swim trunks and shit
And I and I went out there I grabbed it, you know, everybody was out there looking at me
I'll be right back and then I realized I couldn't fit none of them
And so I was just standing in the bathroom for a minute like damn man
I don't want to go back out there and be like I can't swim because my I don't I can't fit my shit
You're swimming trunks. Yeah, because I was like dude. I can't I can't do it. These are gonna rip
And there's kids outside. Yeah
Happening and then the other one I was okay
This one kind of works until I bent over and tried to pick something up and then it just came out
I was like, nah, man, this is not gonna work the table's turned
The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree dude, we don't need that
So I was like I ran the walmart and just got me some modella swim trunks and modella. Yep
Oh, they also had pbr, but dude the modella was fucking dope. Yeah
Yeah, and then I got some modello day
And pro tip dude, you need some extra room in the swim trunks. Just cut that webbing out. You don't need it
You don't you don't that little do you wear underwear under your swim trunks?
Not when i'm swimming, but when I wear them as shorts, I do oh I wear underwear
I don't think that's weird, but I don't like you. I don't want the I don't want the netting in there because i'm
Probably wear underwear
If you're gonna if you're gonna go no net bra, you need something to contain it
dude
I had these uh fucking
polo
Uh swimming trunks and they were short like your the shorts you wear. Yeah, and uh, they were badass, but I didn't realize
That whenever you get they get wet
See right through them motherfuckers
So we were out with a couple friends and we was in hawaii and I was out like and they were like you want to come
To the beach with us and all that stuff
So i'm like, hell yeah, I go out there. I come out the water. I'm like
And I look down i'm like, oh my god. Yeah
Yeah
You can see my whole dick. Oh, no
There's families out there are the yellow
Yellow like a pale yellow. Yeah, like a pale yellow. No netting
Like I don't even know why they did that swim trunks. No, they were swim trunks. I think I still got them
He's like women's nighttime shorts. I
He's like they're really short and there's no netting in there and they're real thin and see-through
Yeah, I think you wore lingerie on the beach. I don't know
Actually, I almost bought those pairs while I was at the warm because they had like a simpson one and I was like walking
With it and then I opened it. I was like, wait a minute. It says board shorts, but there's no fucking net
I can't do this. So then I had to put it back and get the modella. Yeah, boy shorts is a
Can you imagine branding out there some boys?
No, man one bad fucking flip because I like to flip I can
jumping and punching in the water
And uh, yeah one bad flip is gonna die. We all need that
Yeah, that'll be the worst day of my life, dude
I remember when you only seen boy shorts whenever you were messing with a girl, dude
I was driving in here from work. I turned in here girl had a
Jean shorts on and like from far away like my vision even though I got contacts and they're old prescription
I can't really you know
But so I'm like I'm like damn it looks like those things are really short and I go over the speed bump and I'm like
Oh, oh both of her ass cheeks were out. She was skinny. Yeah nice little ass on her and uh, I love this now
I'm with scott curtis. I love what they're doing with these short shorts. Yeah. Yeah, man
I mean, it's just crazy the the ones that are crazy to me are like the bell bottom
Yoga pants or the leggings, you know, like now they got the flare out at the bottom
I can't tell if I love that or I hate that with all of my heart dude. I don't know what you're saying
You said what type of yoga pants?
The bell bottom yoga. Okay. Yeah flare pants dude
Bell bottom flare it just said ben shapiro sister
Have you seen her? I've seen those google it
I'm scared people are going to like pause on my google searches. Whatever. Uh,
Oh, see now these are the ones from the joke. I'm not these aren't the ones i'm click on those blue ones up there
Fabletics kevin hart's ass wearing them. Yeah, let's see those
Those this is what I think I was thinking. Yes that right there. Yeah, I don't like those
It's just like a v-neck for your waist. I don't know how I feel about it
I mean the flare out at the end. I guess that's cool or whatever. No, I don't like it. Wait, let's see
What's down there? She give us an example
What do you think about that brand can you examine that oh did they really just do that? Wow. Wow
Wow, could you imagine dante and those are fucking tees? Why are you slowly putting your phone in your pocket? Nobody does that
Yeah, isn't it crazy dante has a fatter camel toes in her
Not really dude, let's get dante a fair of these dude, they make uh, 4x
Well, he's on crutches right now dude, it's gonna be hard for him to get them on he did a whole set and didn't
Address the crutches. Yeah. Well, not it's one
It's not crutches, it's crutch
Yeah, crutching what what happened how did he end up on crutches? I think he was in the new high school musical
He said it was something in the band. I think like a high school outperformed him. He was
battling. Yeah, that's exactly he said he said never
I said dante what happened? He's like, I don't want to say nothing about it, but
Never dance battle with high schoolers and I was like I didn't plan on it
I don't really I don't hang around him that often. I can't remember the last time I talked to a high schooler
Yeah, besides my family, dude
Yeah, yeah, I don't think I have when I was a student teacher. That was the last time. Yeah. Yeah, and I hated it then
But dante has the mind to hang out with high schooler. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah
I mean, well, yeah, there's two ways that could go. Yeah, let's be honest dude
Smooth selling you crashing that boat
Yeah, and he's already injured dude, I don't know
Man, I love him man. He was that was that was great. I remember he did one set
I don't remember which one it was where he scared. I thought he gonna slip with that crutch and fall
I know I gotta go help. I can't believe he didn't say anything about I thought he would I thought he had a funny job
About oh, yeah. Yeah
That's be that's getting better
You know, he doesn't know it. No, we shouldn't tell it on here. We should have him want to tell him. Yeah
That's a good idea. Yeah, dude, we should uplift his spirit. Yeah
Yeah, we're gonna have him want to tell him which of our skits is based off of him
Oh, yeah, oh shit, but not no more
Yeah, like half the time every other ride
Oh, yeah, so I want to tell you guys something I got i'm on the x5 showcase for real. Yeah
Hell, yeah
I get to be like jj
Hey follow the jj's footsteps. Let's go up there. Oh, yeah go up first dude draw number one
I already I feel like I feel like that's gonna happen
You know, I mean I kind of I I kind of figured it was gonna have for some reason
I'm always going for you always go for i've been going last recently
And that's okay, too
I guess well see it depends on where you like you never want to go last that fat sammy's because you won't have a crowd
I don't know if there was any body in there besides comics when I went. Yeah, exactly
But I had fun. I guess yeah, I wish you killed uh, uh, first of all and that joke would have worked
Called me out for that joke would have worked. I'm sitting next to scott. He was like no
I didn't even say anything to him
He's like, oh that would have worked if he would have paused like you told me in real life
And you didn't say nothing about the the they were white they were racist and white in the hood
well, I thought I figured if I said they had a confederate flag, there would be
There's not gonna be a lot of black people in the hood with confederate
Flag, maybe in alabama. I saw I guess anything
Yeah, it is 20 because you or you didn't you got I think you should specify that they're white in the hood and they're
Racists and that the white girl was saying, um
The hard are yeah. Oh, yeah, I didn't say you know what I mean? You know if you if you if you if you based it
Like that bombs. Yeah
Yeah, that dude that that whole story is wild. That was
I was actually scared bro
That's a reason to be legitimately scared. You should tell
Uh, oh, yeah, dude. It's so
You know my dad loves a good deal. Who doesn't my dad? My dad has some weird tendencies with vehicles. He
Goes through them pretty fast and he's always looking for some automotive work and he met this dude at a gas station
I think i'm not gonna say his name. It was cody and
Cody lived, uh if huntsville had a hood this was it dude like it's that's statistically the most crime
time ridden street in huntsville and we're there and dude, it's like
Pitbulls and just little mini grills and shit outside. There's just people, you know, just just being themselves
and uh
You know what I mean?
And I walk in and we go there to this dude cody's house to get
The alternator or something changed and the house is not done
Like it is falling apart you walk in and you see the wood you see it's the frame of the house with like
some
Fucking plywood around it. You know, it's a it's an interesting setup. Yeah, dude
Maybe we can record the podcast
but
This dude like it's a weird vibe when I get there they're
Talking about they would him and this dude that work together. They're smoking weed drinking beers, you know
Americans and then they start start dropping the in bomb hard art and these people are so white
so white and
They only have one decoration in the house and it's a confederate flag
They're making a statement dude, whatever the opposite of gentrification is
colonization, that's what they're doing man, and they just go in there and
Dude, i'm getting goosebumps thinking about it. I hate I hated it so much
this this lady comes in this white woman and
She's like shaking tweaking and she's like and and the dude instantly knows something is up
He's like, what the fuck did you do? Like I'm not gonna say exactly what he said
There was some crimes dude, but and then she was she was like, uh, I robbed a drug dealer down the street
I stole like a whole jug of Vicodin or like percocet from him. I think he's gonna come in and kill us
And I was like 19 and I'm just sitting there and I'm thinking I'm like, wait a minute
us
I'm gonna die in this fucking place dude, because if you look at me there if I'm like, no, I'm not with them
They're not believing that dude not for a second. Oh, yeah, nice try
And yeah, but no we left and um, it's fine
Did y'all leave right after that like because you know that so y'all stick to your dad was like fuck. I need my carpet
Well, he was like, well the alternator is already out
You know that we can literally can't leave stuck here
Mechanically, oh, it's always good to have a crack head work on your shit. Yeah, I need a final
Yeah, they'll do it fast, but you will have to go through shit like that
This was more of a heroin situation heroin less crack more heroin
It was they were chill were they sleeping falling asleep?
Uh, I try to block most of that out
But yeah, they weren't I mean he was awake after she told him that that puts him
We about to die, oh yeah wake anybody up
sober them up. I like watching those videos of people on um
uh fucking
Like they're at work or the gas station and they're like falling asleep while they're trying to run
It up you ever seen those? Yeah
Yeah, baby, oh yeah
I love it. I love it. You know degenerates. Yeah
I love walking into a business and every worker is asleep
I love that like that happens at waffle house
Has that ever happened to you? You just see somebody taking a nap in the booth?
No, and I and I just walk out. I'm not waking them up dude. Let them have their peace
Dude, did you see that waffle house just raised their minimum salary to like 596? It was like
There were certain people getting paid 295. Oh, well that servers. That's the minimum wage in alabama for servers is like 294
Really if you make tips they can give you that much hourly. Oh, they do a top golf
Mm
It's fucked up man. Did mark viola leave top golf? I believe so. Yeah, he said fuck that
He ain't making enough. Hell. Yeah, look I got it
It went somewhere better proud member of fat samuels now
Yeah, did you see that dude walking around the waiter yesterday with the bandana on? Yeah, I swear to god
I thought that was nathan jinx when I first walked in
Is that the dude that was heckling? I don't think so. See that's what alex said. It wasn't him. I don't think that's him
No, but they look alike right or no. I'm just like racist. No, I think you're just drunk
Both times one on beer one on liquor. So, you know, it's just the pathways. Yeah, I haven't been drunk in these last two
Last night I wasn't drunk happy. I only had two uh basil when I walked in when I walked into fat sammy's last night
No, I'm like, what's up, man?
His eyes were glazed over he's like what's up, man?
Unless there was other substances involved and i'm on i'm off. No, I was just I swear
Me and dan I had one drink at a restaurant with dan and then one basil hayden, which is delicious
with them at um
Basil hayden, it's a bourbon. I think but it's delicious tastes like scotch homeopathic doctor's child's name
Basil hayden, yes sickle cell anemia
Barely alive, but we wish him well
He's barely alive, but we wish him well yes we do
All right, well that's it hey
We got a great episode. Yes, we do. Oh, yeah jb the man jona blankenship
JB fire emoji was that a twitter name? Hell fuck if I know
I like it though. It was jb fire emoji, but it wasn't the actual emoji. It was just fire emoji spelled out
JB fire emoji. All right
Yeah, hell yeah, jonas funniest shit. He got second in the x5. Uh showcase
Last the 20th of uh, which one are you on the 20th this month?
Hold on. I think oh, yeah, I think it's the next week isn't it? Yeah, it's the 20th. Yes, it's the 20th
Damn, dude. Maybe I should check and see if it's june or july
I think it's the june because they were trying to get people if you're in birmingham at thursday
I'll say june 20th or july 20th. I'm not sure yet, but i'm pretty sure it's june come out and see you know
See, have a good time. It's a nice bro. Hell. Yeah, we gotta talk about this. I'm sorry
I know we gotta go what the dude yesterday
Who did the fucking song?
I would have nice as all him. I was like damn dude nico has fallen on some hard time
That was crazy. He did this song about his dog
Uh tomato tomato. Yeah, and then he got hit by a car and he turned into ketchup
Yes, and he did a whole song and my entire plan before that
He did the song was to go up there and just say the worst things I could think of about him
Because I was just not happy and i'm like i'm gonna do this and then he won me over
He didn't he? Yeah, because at first I don't really have a problem with prop comics
Like I know it's like taboo or whatever in the comic community, but like I'll watch it
I'll have fun with it and at first i'm like this is the dumbest shit i've ever seen
Well one of the jokes can we let's just be real one of the jokes was him like oh
Uh, I
Mar I met mario. Yeah, and he tried to pay me with this money and he just pulled out like
Printed off picture of like a gold coin for mario and that was the joke. Yeah, like that was it. So i'm like, okay
This is but then the song I mean that was genius totally totally won me over
It brought everybody together
I was I was and I wasn't laughing ironically at the I was at first I was like what the fuck is happening?
When he started doing those jokes about the mario and shit and then at the end i'm like i'm legit laughing now
And I like the song he'll be there tonight and uh, he will be yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're doing
That's why we gotta leave because we're going to uh joker's wall
uh
Hosted by daniel hardin every
Second thursday, which is always a good time hundred dollar prize for the best set
Usually it goes to whoever brings the most people so if you if you've never done stand up
If you know more than five people you can win a hundred dollars. Oh, yeah, really three
Yeah, because if you think about it comedians don't really bring people
No, like the the ones who come out and if you bring three people go up there
And you don't have to do good or you could do good
You could do if you if you do okay and you bring three people you're winning that bad boy and you get a hundred fucking dollars
But you can still laugh at other people's stuff
Yeah, just laugh get to vote for who you want, but you can laugh at everybody. That's the key
We don't care who wins but laugh laugh at everything you think is funny
Because it doesn't go by laughter and then just vote for your whoever you you came there for. Yeah
Yeah, have fun and have fun at shenanigans comedy theater. Hey
We're out
Yeah
We got some skits
Hey jaylen, I got you these skittles
Thanks alex you my nigga, whoa, man, uh, I prefer you didn't call me that that's kind of y'all's thing
That's kind of y'all's thing
I'm a ladyboy from the philippines. I see some confused looks
If you don't know that's like that's like the final boss of transgenders
Level 99
So I was pretty stoked obviously
But yeah, she lives all the way in chattanooga
She's a ladyboy from the philippines
But yeah, she lives all the way in chattanooga and i'm from alabama, obviously
But for me that's like almost three hours just for some butt
It's like is it worth it
He said it's not speaking from experience over here
Yeah, he said it's not worth it but i'm probably gonna do it i'll be honest
I'm probably gonna do it
Not only would that technically be my first threesome but
I have proudly claimed to not be transphobic and I feel like we're gonna find out this weekend, you know
We're gonna officially find out
Plus it would piss my dad off
Straight up. He's a baptist preacher
Yeah
Any preacher kids in here?
Yeah, that's usually the response they're in here. Don't worry
Where's my pen dude
I don't know you lost your pen. It's over there
Thanks, jack. Look at him. He's so at least somebody's fucking useful around 30 episodes in he's turned into a diva
Where's my pen?
Do you have cherry seven? Oh you want to talk about what y'all were saying before the fucking thing? Where's my boom arm, dude?
I don't know. I bought mine. Damn. Okay
I just brought it in my store. You bought yours and you also told Brandon he could have one his
In all fairness Brandon never remembers anything else we talk about
He's been saying key and peely for three years
I think it is really cool that you have the boom arm though
I do want to say that and I do think that Brandon should have one. I do too
I think you should have one. I think you should have one
But if anybody should have one it should be I pulled myself up by my own boom arm, dude
You also should be able to do it as well. I agree
No more excuses dude. Obama was president for eight years
Not everybody wins reelection look at the books true. I think they won though. Um, it doesn't matter how good you are. Yep
JJ we got a special guest today. We have very special guests man first guest in a while dude
It's been a while like three weeks now
So we're only doing it's only special occasion with guests are coming on here jj. Yeah. Yeah, we've we've upped our fucking
Regulations, you gotta qualify for this shit now and this next guest does oh, yeah
Oh, yeah, uh, he he's young in the comedy game, but he's been grinding grind
He's been fucking grinding one of the hardest workers
in
North alabama slash all over the place now, dude
Yeah, he's fresh off a trip from fucking austin texas, dude
The hub of comedy in the united states right now in the world perhaps
Guys, i'm not gonna bullshit anymore today. We have jona blinkenship
Hey
Oh, thanks for having me guys, this is very cool. Oh, yeah, dude. We're glad you wore your pride month shirt
This is my favorite month
And you got the best date of the year dude six slash nine. You got 69 bro. I actually uh, wow
I actually came prepared for this. Uh, I came
Bearing gifts, no, but we're gonna wait till after the show. Okay. Okay, because it's pretty gay
Okay
If you can know what i'm trying to say you jayden and brandon will have a great time
We're gonna get gay and don's gonna pretend like he's not he doesn't have his ear up against the wall
I learned that in afghanistan
But yeah in all seriousness, thanks for having me guys, this is very cool. Hell yeah, man
Thanks for coming on. No bullshit. Hey you you you've only he's only been doing it since uh, you know the day
It's j- january 14th january 14th
So like four months four months. Yeah, and fucking smash and has did more mics than me. I believe i'm pretty sure
And i've been doing it for more mics than I have
Yeah
So you did you done more mics than me in the year in just four months and you can tell
From whenever you first started coming out until like, uh, recently when you see i'm like, oh my god
You've gotten so fucking good. Yeah fast
I think it's just kind of now kind of clicked. You know what I mean? Like
like the flow of how it works and
When to say
What not to say and stuff like that read in the room, but i'm i'm actually really bad at that still
In austin there was a whole situation where you guys know I have a ladyboy bit. It's actually a true story
Yeah, thank you alex
But I was telling that bit in austin at roscos and there was a ladyboy there
and uh
Yeah, it was not it was not good everybody. It felt it felt like everybody in the crowd was like
On edge because they were like they knew so they were like every time I would say the word ladyboy. They would look at them
And I was like, come on, dude. We all want to fuck them like
I mean, they're pretty hot. Yeah
I was trying to break the tension and so I actually I actually asked him to stand up now i'm just
Yeah
Yeah, it was weird, you know, i'm still learning when to say
Stuff and yeah, yeah, but I love it when you say you're uh, did you notice uh on thursday?
That's one in there too. Yeah. Yeah, I was i'm talking about crossing my fingers. Please stay like I think yeah
I was too
She yeah, I had to see it. I just had to see it with my own eyes
But I think she left like she left as I was going going
Yes, I looked at keenan because I I told keen and I was like dude
This is gonna go one of two ways it's gonna go amazing
Or it's gonna go terrible
Because like you you were there like the crowd
Wasn't
No, I tell you got on there. Yeah, the crowd was kind of like it almost seemed like they weren't interested in comedy. I was like
And I told keen I was like this is gonna be bad
I was like, but I hope she stays because I want this
And then uh, and then as I was going up she left
But I had to had to say it anyways
But in all fairness, dude the odds are stacked against you when you tell that joke when you're like i'm from colman, alabama
And I have a joke about lady. Yeah, the audience has an idea of what you're gonna say. Yeah. Yeah, they already know it's gonna be very
Transphobic
But uh, it's really not because I actually you know, i'm interested in
Do the opposite of transfer? Yes. I'm the opposite of transfer. I mean that's a nice tits and nice ass. Yeah
Yeah, only only sometimes the front. Yeah
At least that's how the front and the thing is dude, I actually haven't had my first threesome yet. So
Damn dude, that would technically be a threesome, right? Yeah
What do you think what do you think brady it's up to you you you decide you decide
So you said lady boy, so yeah, I guess it's both right there, right? You got a choice you got the back and you got the front
Sometimes the lady and the boy sometimes you got the third step which would be the oral mouth
the oral
Jesus christ, it's got even more
Scientific than I thought like how family guy remember that episode dear. Yeah, you might do that too
I don't know. He's been assessed about this family guy in the ear thing. So I actually feel even more comfortable
Doing the ear thing. Yeah
Thank you, brennan. I see you have multiple points of entry
I clarified a lot for me now. You're from new mexico, right? No. Oh, okay. Where are you from?
I'm actually from culman, alabama. I don't say this a lot. Uh, I was actually from culman
It's it's not the greatest place to rep
you know because
I like being mysterious too. So I just tell people i'm from new mexico
Because it's more interesting. I lived there for like six years. So, okay. Okay. I feel comfortable wrapping new mexico
And I was like homeless, I guess for a little bit
So like I lived all over new mexico like roswell los cruces albuquerque. I like how you put the air quotes
Yeah, I mean I was homeless
I was homeless. I mean my heart wasn't in it
Yeah, because I mean there's homeless and then there's you know
The grind of homelessness where it's like
I have a car I could sleep in a car where I can like grind make some money get a hotel
You know what I mean? I wasn't like living and sleeping on a bench like most of them. Okay
So that's why I say homeless because there's a lot of people in new mexico that
Literally sleep under benches. You were like pursuit of happiness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like I was like
Yeah, so the real homeless I was living in a mansion. They were looking at me like look at this rich mother
I was I was actually living in a mansion
You know, I mean I was I was actually able to go in a dispensary and buy weed, you know, they weren't okay
They didn't have ids, you know, I mean I did so damn dude. Yeah, so I was yeah, I was living it up
Uh, but yeah, I just say I just tell people i'm from new mexico because I have a bunch of material in new mexico. So
It's easier to lean into that versus
Oh, i'm from colman. I moved to yeah explaining too much. They don't yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
It's too too much explaining. Yeah, i'm from colman. I graduated from west point
West point high school
For real? Yeah west point shut the fuck up west point high school
Oh
Yeah west point high school it's in colman, but okay there's a little little town
There's a little bitty town in colman called west point and it has like one red light maybe two
Uh, and yeah, I graduated from there in 2018
Just did you join the military went to alaska? Mm-hmm live in alaska
Where'd you live at in alaska?
Qatar
Yeah, I went to qatar or that different place in asa alaska. That is qatar is not that's a country
Oh qatar is in the middle east man. You actually look like you're from qatar. Yeah, you do
You do actually that's where they had the world cup
Me and brendan don't know
He spelled it with a he spelled it with a k
A for the q guitar alaska. Nope. It's qatar. Yep, right there. There we go
Yeah, but it's not in alaska though. That is an alaskan. Oh airlines. Wow
Yeah, that's alaskan airlines. I used to fly that all the time
Shout out them you were stationed in in alaska. Yeah, I was stationed at elson air force base
What kind of flag is that dude right there there? Yeah, that's qatar. I was stationed there
I guess I went there for nine months. It was during covid. So I got extended
Yeah, did you get to go out?
uh, so
A bunch of my friends were scared too just because they were like, oh my god
We're in the middle east and I was like fuck it dude. If i'm gonna die i'm gonna die. Fuck it
So I went out like the first week we were there. I saw all kinds of shit. Uh,
I almost flew to dubai but my supervisor was like you can't do that and I was like, oh shit. Okay
So I just ended up going seeing all of qatar and then the next week covid happened
And so we were on lockdown you could not leave you couldn't go into the city
And so I was one of the only people on that tour that actually got to leave the base
Oh, that's tight. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Uh qatar is a cool cool little country
Uh, they're very peaceful. They have like this place called the suks. It's like a
Street market and you can like literally trade like shoes for watches and like hats for
purses and
It's weird. I got like free. I got like basically free yeezys because they're like, oh g-shock g-shock
And it was really yeezys and I was like fuck. Yeah, dude
I traded them
They make them over there or something?
I don't know probably
Yeah, like a swap meat free market
Yeah, it was a fucking g-shock like probably $59 g-shock for yeezys
Oh, yeah, you gotta take that every time and they're real. I got them authenticated. Oh shit
Yeah, I'm real like that
I'm real like that
We could tell by the buggies. Yeah
I don't think you could buy a fake bucky's hat if you tried fuck no hell no, who's making rip-offs of that, dude
I've actually tried you can't
They'll make them dom. It's a good idea for us, man
We need some money in the clown college. We do we do we just uh,
We spent 50 on the uh, what's that thing called to make us clips?
Opus opus the software so we have netted 50 dollars and almost a year lost 50
Well because we made money on this live show. No, we didn't know we we lost a lot. We lost a lot of money
Really? Oh hundreds. Yeah hundreds big money. Well, you probably don't want to get into why but no
We tried some uh some marketing tactics and they didn't pan out the way that we'd hope
Did you just you boosted on instagram and shit all boosted on everything made dead like took a day out shot ads
Dedicated ads targeted ads. They just I mean I even told you that I was impressed with how much y'all promoted it
Yeah, we actually I think that was very impressive and I think it was worth it. Even if it was a 50 dollar loss
Oh, no, no, no, no, it was uh over 500
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like 700 but no but what people I mean fuck it
Yeah, it doesn't it's not a big deal. We did it and knowing that we were gonna lose money
We pretty much knew yeah, it was a badass show. I was there. I enjoyed it. Appreciate it dude
Dude, it was super fun. Y'all kept it going the fuck the the skit
Dude that skit was so funny. I haven't I haven't actually laughed like out loud like that in a long time
Oh, man, we appreciate it. The bed was just like
So funny you see charlie on the other side
He's pressing the button yeah
Gosh, how much fucking cheeto dust is on that button?
Oh my gosh Doritos
It's so purple bay now now you were talking about how you're from colman. We have a fun clip right here
Uh-oh brandon doesn't know, you know, he's a producer. It's on uh, what a youtube uh tab is
Oh my god. Oh, is it the trailer? Yes. So uh, I did the craziest thing
You turn your mic off though. Jonah sent me this right before this episode
And I saw this on my like feed right before you sent it to it
Oh, really?
Dude, this is great
Hi, i'm robert lee
I own colman liquidation
I sell mobile homes
I'm not gonna waste your time. I'm gonna tell it just like it is
These are mobile homes not mansions
They come in two pieces
If that's what you're looking for
That's what I got
Used some of them have stains she decorates them
She sells them
These guys that's written
Bouncer in birmingham hit me in the face with a crescent wrench five times and my wife's boyfriend broke my jaw with a fence post
So if you don't buy a trailer for me, it ain't gonna hurt my feelings
Chopping down some things. So come on down to colman liquidation and get yourself a home or don't I don't care
I'm trying to see where that is in colman. I don't really even recognize where that is
And it's a real this is a real thing. Yeah, this is a real point. Yeah, it's a real thing. This is apparently
uh, because I sent a bunch of friends today you guys included and
Some people have been like oh this came out like four years ago
I feel like it was longer because the the I love local commercials thing was a retin link production
That's what they did before they started their youtube channel was they went around and made these crazy commercials for local businesses
Oh damn see I didn't even I just remember seeing one at a furniture store
They did whatever the foot massage. Yeah, jones barbecue and foot massage
Oh, they did that one that was theirs. Yeah for the furniture store somebody had said they did something else today, too
I can't remember what it was, but they said they did something else on the first time I watched it
I didn't either it was red and link. That's fucking wild. That's funny. You know, you know red
They're like, you know, they're a good mystical morning. Oh, yeah, they're huge on youtube. They've been around forever
But that was real still right. That's a real. Yeah, it's a real commercial. Yeah, it's a real commercial
No, they were in the commercial. They were in the commercial to help make it
That was their tv show. They went around and helped local businesses make commercial but they would always be crazy like that
Yeah, did you see the jones barbecue and foot massage one? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that one. I've seen that one
That was their commercial. Okay. Okay
Oh my gosh, dude jake sold already there they are right here
Yeah, good mythical morning. Yeah, that's their thing right there
I actually just watched one that they did. Uh the other day it was uh
They were seeing which fast food place had the best fries or whatever. I was like, I think it uh
Uh, wendy's one I think and wendy's I think so it was wendy's or what somewhere that had like natural cut
Like yeah baked potatoes. It was something like that. I can't remember. Give me the msg i'm giving fake news out here
I'm spreading false info
I chose barbecue and foot massage better come down here get some of this shit you like to eat
America loves to eat so why not open up somewhere america can sit down enjoy a meal and get their feet rub
We'll fry anything you want for 5.99 as long as it's friable or edible. We're gonna make it deliciousable
We will fry parts of the chicken. You didn't eat. No problem the beak the feathers. We'll fry candy bars
All that european stuff you don't really normally eat we'll bring it down here and fry for you
Nothing
So friends let's just decide you don't want no barbecue well, that's fine too
You why not let one of my foot specials on myself perform my magic look at that look wonderful dan schneider
Right when the dan schneider stuff started coming out
I was into it. I was like, oh, yeah, this is dope
This is hilarious
I mean it's fucked up to say but it was pretty funny to me
So I instantly you know as a comedian you want to make it a bit right?
So I tried making it a bit
I tried working it out for like literally a month and it's almost like nobody knew what the fuck I was talking about too old
I had to explain I was like, oh, yeah drake bell got raped and then by them by that point. Nothing's funny. You know what I mean?
So it's like I couldn't even tell the bit I just gave up on it
But then recently somebody else has been doing it and it's actually been funny. So shout out to them
Um, like somebody in local or uh, yeah, I think so in birmingham. Okay. Okay
Yeah
It's just yeah, I tried doing it when it first came out and it was just like everybody was like what the fuck is this?
Dan schneider, is that the comedian they think is rob schneider?
You know what i'm talking about? Yeah, they always think it's him for some they might be related dude. You can do it
Also, I just I have to say this real quick
I was under the impression that adam silver was black my entire life this motherfucker jona when he out there
He was dead serious when he thought adam silver's black. I still kind of think he's black the nba guy. Yeah
See, i'm not even really big in the nba and I know he's white. Yeah, I mean he's like one of the whitest
He's like lex luther. He's so white. Okay, but when I look at him, I know
This is what this might be just as bad as francis and gana with brandon. I don't think that's it though
I just thought this guy this gentleman was african-american. He's the whitest person i've ever seen but when my eyes see him
Shit if he's black i'm gonna start saying i'm black
I'm gonna start saying something else dude
But no when I see him, I just my eyes are telling my brain that he's not like me
He's like albina and but no he's a jew
And that's what I figured out he's basically black. That's what that's what khanye said. Yeah, i'm just saying what khanye said
Yeah, i'm not gonna say what ethnicity this guy is. Yeah, let's not lump the jews in with us
I'm just saying that's what khanye said. We looked up how many uh blacks were killed by the nazis
Not that many actually on like it was it was like enough to be like because there's no black people in there
Was black people over there. Look it up, dude. They probably just scared. Yeah, look it up germans
The nazis didn't look up the nazi population in germany black people
On the same black population in germany 1940s on the same note joe's barbecue foot massage was not retin link
Ah damn
This isn't the only false info that can be in this
Yeah, we will see that now. No, we gotta put germany, man. Oh, yeah germany. Yeah, that's
Did you sit but do you know the whole story with them and jesse owens at the olympics
I watched the movie. Yeah, I went with a girl to watch the movie
Yeah, I can imagine the only movie. Yeah. Oh, okay. I said i'm saying a while back brandon. This is
I can't even see why are we bringing up charts, dude?
I don't know why i'm bringing up charts, but there wasn't there's like 14 people killed by black people
That could be that's gonna be that's gonna be false. It could just be hit and run. Yeah. Yeah
And then yeah
But what i'm saying is the neo nazis got it wrong
germans didn't dislike
Jew, uh, no, they definitely dislike the jews but uh blacks or gay people, right?
They didn't like anybody that wasn't white and no, that's not true. That is they they they you could be a black frenchman
And be over there. They wouldn't kill you just because you're a black now if you were jewish
They would just kill you or put you in a can
They they hated jews. They had extermination camps for jews. Yeah, I didn't call my buddy real quick
I'm gonna call him. He's a history teacher. Is he?
I have a degree. He has a degree in history. Oh, yeah true
They hated everybody that were not just trying to lump. They didn't they didn't really hate black people
That's what i'm trying to say and hitler wasn't a bad guy. They definitely hated black people
So this is the most insane thing right behind you could defeat a cheetah in hand-to-hand combat
Wasn't the whole deal with hitler that he was an artist, right? Yeah
He was he was a painter. I don't think that was the biggest deal
But that was one of the that was one of the biggest deals right is he was a painter
Yeah, I didn't like the jewish people didn't like his painting. So he was like that was this
That was absolutely not what that's what reddit told me did. Yeah, they'll tell you how I believe it now
That's why I read it applied for an art school in austria or like gin or something and they're like no man you suck
Damn, and then you know, he got into politics after that
You know, uh, and he started doing the beer hall push and he got some cool guys that team up with him
And then he started killing the jews, man
So what part of this has been bad?
Wait, wait, whoa
Some would argue he knew that the jewish community
Like controls all of the art. Yep. So he was just trying to jonas on it. Wait, holy shit
I just figured this out dog. We're figuring shit out on cloud. I just figured this out
They should have accepted all the famous jewish artists. He was just an artist trying to go to the top
He was getting rid of his competition bro. Yeah, like the joker michael angelo exactly. The joker renowns you making sense
Joker is this is and those pesky jews got in the way
Well, no, this is gonna get me with a second ago brander. Oh, no, I was saying
I hope you don't want to be monetized
Sometimes is the least of our problem. You don't want dr. Squatch sponsoring you because we would actually we would actually love dr
Squash I use it all but I thought you called you stinky before i'm pretty sure that's on record. Is he a jew?
The doctor squatch guy. He's a doctor. So probably yeah, that's true. You're okay though. Some of them are good
Now he's looking up if dr. Squatch is
Yeah, this is the best producer
Dr. Squatch coacher. I love this
You can't be american and dr. Squatch he's americans
There we go. See we get that dr. Squatch. We're here. Do you think sasquatch is real? Let's be no. Yes, you do
He's sitting right there, dude
I'm going no not no, there's so many seasons of that show they used to but they said oh
How they found to find bigfoot dude the funniest thing i've ever seen, you know, like the note boys the happy dad
They make the happy dad. That's who makes this. Yeah. Oh dude, they
We are a right wing podcast
Trump clearly by this conversation
Trump has drank this really? Yeah statistically he probably did that 24
The note boys have this amazing
YouTube video where they prank like a bigfoot expert and they get a guy to hide out in the woods in a bigfoot costume
And out behind the house and they see him and they're and the dude is like stunned
Yeah, and they're freaking out and they send a guy to go talk to the bigfoot and he comes back. He's like
The bigfoot wants to fuck you in the ass
They're talking to the bigfoot expert and he's like, I don't know man
He's not into it at first, but then he eventually agrees
Yeah the fuck and then like they find like he finds out it's a prank and they have to sprint and like drive away
because the dude is like
Pissed. Yeah, they yeah
It's one of the funniest videos they have a bunch of really funny
If you were there things would have been different bradley he avoided it though
Bigfoot actually get up bigfoot. But yeah, they were really one point
Brandon the bigfoot was a cost
It wasn't real
No, the nazis killed bigfoot
The thing is like nilk they like I started watching them in like 2016
All they did was pranks like they used to go into like publics and try and like give give uh
Like oh, yeah, these condoms didn't work or whatever and then like try to give back an open like an open
Condom or whatever just shit like that and like they would go and like pretend to be like walmart employees and just smoke weed
And shit like in front of customers and stuff and now they're just like all they do is just like go vlog and stuff
So it's really not as funny
But they have so much money now that when they do decide to do pranks like that
It's fucking hilarious. Like the bigfoot one was really funny. It's crazy. Yes
Yeah, what is that? Is that the same dudes that like andrew schultz went on and they didn't air the podcast? Yeah
Yeah, so which one was a little bitch that that's stiny. He kind of came on later
Yeah, okay. So he wasn't with the original. He wasn't with the originals
I didn't like that
Like they're not even the originals aren't even really on there anymore. Oh really? Yeah, it was just two dudes at first
Yeah, it was kyle and jesse
Yeah, jesse's he doesn't do it anymore. Well, they thought they sold it or
No, jesse just wanted to do his own thing. I think he's trying to do like his own brand
He didn't like being in the public eye
Like eventually because they did do crazy shit. I think when covid first started they like
Yeah, they pretended like a patient zero escaped and they were like chasing this dude in like a hazmat suit in like a target
Yeah, and people were losing their fucking shit. Yeah, they did a bunch of
a bunch of weird shit jesse went to jail a bunch for like
That's one of the reasons why he stopped is because he went to jail a lot because he was the only one that would actually like
Be ballsy enough to do it. Like he literally walked into a bank with blood all over him
Oh, I remember that he killed somebody or something and the cops came obviously. Yeah, I don't even think he can leave canada
Yeah, yeah, really? Yeah, like something crazy a lot of trouble with the law doing that shit
I would do I would I love to do but I wouldn't do I would do pranks but like not nothing to get arrested
I was a huge impractical jokers guy
I would love to do shit like that. You know, you know my shit used to be scare tactics. Oh fuck. Yeah
Yes
Me my dad used to watch that hell. Yeah, dude
I remember the ones that we watched on youtube that that shit is crazy. They're so like this bitch just got scared
That shit is crazy. They're so like this bitch just got scared
Yeah, he used to do a couple of we set up a walmart supply truck
Yeah
There's a one that I remember
where it was like this they were they were getting a bunch of girls to come like
Try out this tanning product or whatever
And this girl like put on this cream and it like started and started making her skin like red
And so I don't think it was two girls, right?
They didn't know each other one didn't know each other
One was an actor and one wasn't they put on the cream and the girl that was an actor obviously started like breaking out
And like she died. Yep, or whatever. And so the other girl was like freaking out like this is gonna happen to me
It was really funny. I like the one where there it is like a disease thing
They're like, oh you got exposed to this thing and that the the person who doesn't know what's going on
They watch the actor walk into the fucking tent and they like set it on fire
That's a good show
What was that one where he like it was the mafia member?
Yes, and he pretended to kill his friend or something and it was like hiding the body. He was like, oh help
You just don't kill it. He was one of those like like, uh, white guys who kind of act black a little bit
And then that's so yeah
Yeah, but you fuck black bitches. It's good. Nevertheless
So look he put him in a trunk and he was like he like shot on my pump pump pump
He was like and you're next he was like dude. I didn't even know him. I didn't even know him
He was like he was like look if you let me go out i'll help you hide the body
He was so down. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah another I think I would have been too another really really fun one is
this girl went to go babysit like this little kid and apparently the little kid was like
Haunted or whatever and like made the tv come on and stuff and was like i'm gonna kill you and stuff like that
He had the doll and shit. Yeah had like the doll and stuff. Yeah, it's a fun one
I love how much production value they put behind these things to make it seem real
Yeah, and they don't stop it when somebody just starts like they'll let you cry for a little bit, dude
But if you look back, it's so fake
Like if you really look back at like how like how it looked it kind of is kind of like cheesy
It's like what you mean like like the like the little midget baby alien
No, no, no, like yeah. Yeah like that like how like the like the prosthetics and shit like now if they did that now
I feel like they could do it so much better
Yeah, they could but I don't think it matters in the moment because if you see somebody give birth to a little demon
That's true. That's you're not thinking like oh, that's you're right. You know, you don't give a fuck. This is an ntv
That's a really good point. It's a really good point. Yeah, you're scared
I mean you're either scared or so confused that you're like you're trying to make sense of something true
I know I I would I would never be like is this a is this a prank show?
Yeah, that was gonna be from our point. That is right. Like yeah, you wouldn't think that oh shit
It's tracy morgan's behind that curtain probably. Yeah, you're right
I would love to see dom on an episode of what would you do?
Oh where he just does the complete wrong thing because I know he would man
I'd be so i'm so scared of getting on one of those shows
I would I would help out like if it was like I mean I've seen one it was like
Uh, you shouldn't be hanging around with him because he's black. I would probably call the little motherfucker a little bitch
Yeah, hey, don't let him talk to you like there's definitely deleted scenes somewhere. That is a bunch of shit like that
I would love to see you on one where like uh
A lady drops like a thousand dollars out of her purse and you just pick it up
I would give it back to her
I would I probably would old people. Well, I would give it back to anybody. I've did it before
I went to the gas station and gave 20 because they somebody dropped it. I walked back in there. I'm like dude you dropped this
It was a regular it wasn't even an old person I found a hundred dollars in walmart one time and uh,
I kept that shit. Well, if nobody's around, of course
Because anybody give it to the yeah, they're just if you give it back to you and give it to walmart
There's multi-billion dollar true company true. They don't need it
We do
Mm-hmm, but there are also like those prank like not really prank shows but like those people on instagram
That'll drop their wallet or like a hundred dollars and then they're like they watch you steal it and they're like, oh you're a terrible person
I've actually like i've been super high in walmart
like I was really high when that happened and I was like looking around like oh shit like
Somebody is going to come up and be like, oh that was mine. This is you're on youtube now and then everybody hates me
Fuck it. Hey, there's no bad views
That's just what happens when you smoke delta eight
Yeah
Before you go into walmart, but there's a bunch of like note boys copycats out there on instagram who do shit
That is just purely fucked up
like I saw one where like they get a
walmart employee to get the case that like the air pods out of the case and they go
Lady and interviewer. Oh, yeah
Hey picking number one through ten and she's like seven and she's like very sweet
Like you just want new air pods and then they film her walking out and the alarm starts going on
Yeah, dude, I've seen that's funny funny, but it is really that is hilarious
Like that is hilarious
But she's like with her husband and they're like, you know the old people walking out
It's so sad hilarious that's fucking good shit dude, i'm just mad I didn't think of it
Because that is genius
That's good planting stolen merchandise on the elderly
I just watch nothing like it dude. Yeah, there's nothing like it
Did you guys have you guys ever stole from anywhere? Oh fuck. Yeah with the with the jail for oh, really?
Yeah, we're back in the day. But uh, I stole from walmart after I tore my mcl in football, right?
And then I went to walmart and crutches we used to steal we used to steal shit all the time from walmart
Like literally we had a bit we lived in illinois
So we had big coats and we were stuffed car speakers down our fucking
Bicep and like we were still everything we stole uh hubcaps spinner hubcaps
So literally anything you could think of but we went there one the only time we got caught
I was still in cologne and I took it out the package and took the little thing off
But they had another one inside the box
And so i'm on crutches and we have to run while i'm on crutches through this woods
And like we we went to somebody's like farm
I guess because we didn't know where it was before gps and all that shit
And I was trying to go through a farmer and dude click this shotgun. He was like y'all get out of here
We look sorry
We're just lost and all this is on the torn mcl and for like two or three miles and we went to dilo's house
And he was like y'all can't bring that heat around here and made us
Damn dilo what the fuck they didn't want that. He didn't want the cops to find his meth stash dude
I had like this really
It's actually kind of genius, but I used to do it all the time. I'd go into like the chevron, right?
and I would wear like
Long like long shorts with like an oversized t-shirt
And I would walk in there and I would get two tall boys and I would stuff them in like my waistband
I put my shirt over and I would try and go buy cigarettes
Right. Yeah, and they'd just tell me to fuck off because I didn't have my ID and I'd be like, okay
And then I would just walk out but then I had the tall boys, you know
I mean, so it was kind of like a distraction. Hey respect
It worked every time genius dude
because like if you just walk in there and stuff them in and walk out like it's weird, right?
But if you go in there and you like pant around they look at you, you know, like this dude's acting weird
You go try and buy cigarettes when you're 15. They're like, oh, that's why he's acting weird. Just fuck off
That's actually and then you walk out. Yeah, dude, and you walk out with tall boys underage kids everywhere
Listen to these words. That's solid. That's solid doing that. I wish I would have known it works every time bro
I did that to get these actually
I'm still doing it and I can buy alcohol
But it's free but it's free it works forever. Yeah. Yeah timeless
So, uh you also, uh do a uh a wing challenge, I mean a wing writing system, right? Yeah wing review wednesdays ring review
I was trying to have a couple scores pulled up. Let's see what those are. Okay bww and colman
Buffalo wild wings i'm assuming yes fuck them. But yes, honey garlic eight and a half has that score changed due to
Uh, yeah, it's probably a two now. Okay, really fair fair
I have this thing where uh me and buffalo wild wings just we don't we have a love hate relationship and by that
I mean my ex works there. Oh, okay. Okay, then we got casino el camino
You got the mild in austin texas 8.3. Oh, yeah that actually is kind of low
yeah
Thinking thinking now because I went back when I was in austin and I got the same flavor
I didn't record it, but uh, it was actually better this time. So it's probably an 8.7. Okay. Okay, still good score
Yeah, still good wings. It's almost half a letter grade, dude. Yeah
It's huge and very good. Very good. But I know hangry joe's that's a little one where you had to sign the waiver
Yeah, that one was just kind of like I just wanted to be funny
Yeah, it was zero. Yeah, I feel you dude, but eight town wings dude. Oh, dude. That place is so good
Now this is the one that I recommended for Jonah to do for his wing review show
The only gripe is that their wings are small as shit, dude
Small wings, they're tasty the cajun ranch fries dude. Knock your fucking socks off
They do got some small ass wings
So very good. I actually when I went I got the six count
I think and I ate them very quickly and so I went really I literally went right back and got six more
Yeah
I like the lemon pepper hot from there. That's what I got. That's what I got. Yeah
Yeah, well, yeah, dude. Come on, man. You want to do the rest of them, dude?
I know numbers aren't really your thing. But oh you got slim chickens at buffalo nine
Yep, and then the wing bar
Atlanta, georgia
At eight nine point four that was the best one. Yes, the best one so far. Okay
The vibe's very good. You walk in there and there's nowhere to sit. It's just a wing bar. You literally
Yeah, you just walk in there and uh, they're like what do you want sweetie?
And you just tell them and they give it to you and you just walk outside and try not to get shot because you're in downtown
Atlanta
It's like survival
But it's worth but it makes it worth it makes it worth it because you survive and you're like wow that was really good for
You know
Yeah, let's just move on
We'll edit this out
Dude, I just read this one. I have to ask you about this. You don't have any memory before the age of 10
No, not really
What?
From a freak four-wheeling accident. Yep
Yeah, when I was I think I was nine or ten. I uh, this is actually really stupid
Uh, but i'm gonna tell you guys anyways, this is just how stupid I was as a kid really
Uh when I was nine, I really wanted a four-wheeler, right?
and so
I think it was like two days before christmas. We were gonna go to my sister's house
And my parents used to park in like this separate garage
And so we were going into the car and I saw a green little four-wheeler
Sitting there and I was like, oh my gosh, there's a four-wheeler and they're like, oh
And they just put me in the car and drove off and like the whole way to my sisters
They had like gaslit me into believing that I had wanted a four-wheeler so bad
that I just
Imaginated that I saw like I just thought that I saw one but gaslit me into believing that right?
so I was like, okay
And so I get the four-wheeler for christmas and they're like, oh and I was like, I guess I was I guess you're right
I really did just want it so bad that I thought I saw it because I actually got the same four-wheeler
They just tricked me. Right? I was just that retarded
So I got the four-wheeler
You too
I
Got the four-wheeler and took off full speed
Like that, right?
Just flip it dude
And the four-wheeler just falls on me hits me in the head hits me in the dick
That was the first time that i'd actually ever hurt my balls like for the first time
uh
Yeah, it was the first time I ever experienced pain in my nutsack and also my head
And yeah now I just don't really remember any any memory past the age or before the age of 10
Man that's fucking wild. Yeah
I mean sorry to end on a on a rough note, but uh, yeah
Yeah, my uh, my my my parents will be like, oh, yeah
I remember when you were seven and you did this and i'll be like no like
I remember I remember like bits and pieces
because honestly even even
Even before 15, it's kind of like blurry
Holy shit, I might have been raped or something. Yeah, man, but you wouldn't know. Yeah, I wouldn't know. Yeah. Yeah
I need to do ketamine or something
Getting that k-hole dude. You'll remember would you do dmt? Oh, yeah you would
Yeah, dude
I uh, i've actually always wanted to I I hear it's it's either great or terrible
Yeah, why why risk of that?
It could be great though. Yeah, but it could be absolute horseshit. Yeah, but you're still gonna be alive. You know
All right at the end of the day. It's just like uh, it was just in your brain
Yeah, because isn't dmt really just what your body releases before you die? Isn't that what it is?
It's like it comes from your penal gland, I believe penal
Yeah, that's what mike tython called the toad or something like that
Yeah
I think he actually sucks. I actually think he sucks
Venom from a toad though. I think it's different you lick the frog, right? Yeah, he licks an actual frog
I believe but this is different. This is like shit that you you
Yeah, i'm not even gonna try
As soon as I watch the one time I episode I'll tell you guys every time I look up like how much is this
And like how much is this drug in grams? They'll be like give me a hotline for like
The samsa for like help. Yeah, they give me that one a lot and i'm like dude. I didn't think my porn search was that weird
If you struggle with addiction call this number
I'm just curious
Yeah, dude, I just want to know a little stuff. I'm just trying to get my my street knowledge up educate myself, dude
Ready to read it read what it is. Oh, see look right here. See look help is available. Yep suicide hotline, but uh
here we go
DMT
Dime
Thy
Let's try amine. Yeah, I don't know. That was perfect. That was good. It was exactly how it's pronounced
Well, it is a very strong psychedelic found in a number of animals and plants
And it can also affect the sense altering a person's thinking sense of time and emotion
Psychedelics can cause you to hallucinate seeing or hearing things that don't exist or distort it. DMT is
structurally similar to
psycho band
Magical mushrooms and it's known to produce short acting and intense visual hallucinations from my understanding
It's basically just like a hundred times
What shrooms is like just shorter?
What about so like isn't this like a 15 minute high or something? Yeah, it's like not long at all
Like you really you pass out you're just like
Uh, okay. Yeah, so you're like dreaming out loud. Yeah
Yeah, you have like an outer body experience dream out loud. Yeah, I feel like that's a comedy show somewhere dude
some shitty fucking comedy show
They're dreaming out loud, dude. That's what it's doing. Yeah
So you're actually
All my dreams are pretty silent, dude, I think
Do you ever have a dream that's a reoccurring
Like not in not when you're younger, but when you're older and it like scares you wakes you up. Oh, yeah
Yeah, what's yours? Uh
Like I actually had this dream that happened three or four times like in a row dude
Uh, but it would wake me up out of sleep every time it was just me getting shot
Yeah, yeah, it was just literally I was just walking in like Coleman and just getting shot and I'd wake up and be like
Oh shit, I'm like in the bed
See mine
See mine's the exact opposite. I always have this dream and it's been going on for many years now where I
either killed somebody
Somehow like sometimes it's an accident. Sometimes it's like
They needed to die, but I did it and then I hid the body and like got away with it
But like throughout the dream like as I dream longer
I'm getting closer to getting caught and then like whenever I went in right when yeah the anxiety of that and then whenever right whenever
I'm about to get caught I wake up and I'm scared. I'm like god. I'm glad I didn't kill someone
Your dream is the telltale heart bro. I'm actually i'm actually
Is that really had that happen? I've had that happen as well. You had that like that type same dream. Yeah
Yeah, it was only like once
Yeah, mine is not like that at all. No, I have terrible dreams. Yeah, I have terrible dreams too
I actually don't even really dream that much anymore. Oh my god. Yeah, but it's the weed. Yeah, weed stops your dream
Does it? Okay, so I don't smoke weed so
I love I love dreaming too. He doesn't dude. I can testify as long as my fingers are crossed, dude
If I if I like take a nap during the day, I'll have a really intense dream
In the day, yeah in the day like if I like take a nap at like 3 pm
I'll like have a crazy ass dream
Yeah, I had one that shouldn't have scared me but it did it was kind of I felt like I feel like it's a little
retarded my my uh
I don't usually say that but for me to say that I really think it is
I had a weird dream
But I had a weird dream once where my mom she had a trailblazer
And there was a bunch of raccoons beating the shit out of it with like bats and shit
And I don't know why that like bothered me
And it like happened a couple that would be weird
Yeah
I know and then it's just me like yelling at them and getting all emotional and then call it for my mom
Because I feel like I don't know if she in the car or not. I think that's what happened to Jonah in Atlanta
My recurring dream is that i'm laying on the ground in the desert and jesus falls out of the sky right on top
Of him
I don't know how he just falls like he can't like he's spinning like it like spread like spinning from the sky
I don't know how I know it's jesus, but i've had that dream probably since I was like seven or eight years old
That's why I have it like annually. That's why he's a colder
I agree
Jonah had the same dream as me about killing people. Okay
He's a victim. Oh, yeah, he's but he said he had another one once
I had I had one dream where I was like I literally was going to stab my mom
I'm kidding. I'm kidding
It was in fortnight
No, i'm just playing no, I did have a dream where I was going to stab somebody but it wasn't my mom
I love you mom
I don't even know the people i'm killing
I couldn't that's who it was. It was just a random person that I was going to stab
I couldn't tell you who I was killing but it was like it was a reason all the time their rage
What was do you remember any of the reasons or you just felt like one?
Well, sometimes it's an accident like sometimes it's like I hit somebody with the car
And then it's like it's like oh shit
But for some reason I didn't call the police and I panicked and then I buried them somewhere
And then like cleaned up all the mess so they really had no no way to trace it to me
How'd you clean up the mess buried him?
I yeah buried him and I had something in my car. I could wrap them up in and then I buried them
And then got all and then got all really rid of the dna in the car as best I could but that's how
But that's how they got me because they somehow they traced it back to me with some lights on the uh, you know
Like traffic lights. Have you ever seen dexter? Yes. I love dude. You would be the perfect dexter because you live like on the
Water and the gators will take care of yeah. Yeah, but you gotta tell you gotta chop the head off first
Wow, see this is the thing because teeth out. Yeah, you gotta take teeth out
But the head is harder you you want you want to dispose of that in a different way. The head's harder to take off too
Make that sound effect. It's almost like they aren't designed to be taken off dude. Yeah, it's crazy
I don't know. I have another dream where I just like am out in public somewhere whether it be a school or just like
Some public area and then my clothes disappear one by one
And like first it'll be my shirt
I'm like go to the bathroom and then my shirt's gone all of a sudden like you're in school or you're like
Your age now in elementary. That's two different
Because that's two different no it progresses with age. So in high school. I was in high school in college
I was in college and now i'm just you know, wherever I find
The mall the adult mall
Where there's no children
Anywhere near that fucking indoor playset by the food court
It's not the one with the palm tree on top of the hill with the big fry. It's not that one
It's definitely not at baby claire's
Baby gap
All right, Jonah before we get out of here, what's your favorite place to poop that's not at your house
Oh buckies probably. Oh, that's not that that is
What our research says office depot office depot, but buckies
Yeah office depot is a good one because of like the smell of like offices
You know the printer and like the ink and the paper. It's also it's like it's like when you walk through
Even if you have to shit already while you're walking through
The smells just make you need to shit more. I don't know what it is. It's weird. So it's like season
Yeah, I take really good shits at office depot. That's good, man. That's good
Yeah, that's what got you started. Buc-ee's is also a good one, too
But yeah, buckies just has a good place in my heart
Yeah, so yeah. Yeah buckies. This is shit that brisket sandwich. Oh, yeah, they're showers. I'm ethical
Boxes like this boy brother. Michael. What kind of office depot is that?
Oock. Travis día
J ges
No, man, noんです
boredom
Fuji
Uhh
I'm for sure
The same
the G2. Yeah, the G2. Pilot G2.
Let's see this. Yeah, look. It
was that one over there on
University. Yeah, look. By the
Best Buy. Uh huh. Yeah, yeah.
It's right on the end and it was
on the side right next to like
in between the Ops Depot and
that nail store. That's the
best pin of all time. That's the
best pin. Yeah, by far. They're
they're they're reasonably
reasonably I can't even say
that word. They're they're
reasonably good. I'm telling
you. That really is like the
gold standard for a pin. Yeah.
That's the best one. That's the
perfect one. I wouldn't go that
far but it is. What's the what's
the better pin than that? The
Sharpie S gel point. Okay, no,
no. If you're like a finer tip,
you can't get better than a
point. 38. It's not possible.
But look up to point 38. It's
looks the same as all the other
ones but there's a point I'm
trying to prove. No, you could
get a point. It's okay, dude.
Yeah, you gotta give him give
him a break. Yeah, dude. Alright,
you said point 37. Point 38.
and he wrote the word point.
Point.
It is, dude. If you ever sign up
for a mic at Shack Nasty, it'll
be with that pin. Okay. Okay. I
don't think I've used that.
That's a good pin. It's it's
always that pin, dude. It might
be a little bit harder to find
because they're in high demand.
You guys. Alright, Jonah. While
the ghostly and Muhammad Ali
here means that's the end of
the podcast. Alright, you want
anything you want to promote
right here on this camera, your
socials because people listen
to your socials. Any shows you
got coming up, anything you
want. Oh, let's see. Yeah, my
Instagram. Jonah does comedy
link tree. Jonah dot Blank and
ship one. Thank you guys.
Jonah does comedy. This is
amazing. Twitter JB fire emoji.
I'll use that one sometimes.
TikTok. Jonah does comedy. It's
pretty simple. My Snapchat is
Jonah. Jonah does comedy. What
shows do I got coming up? I'm
doing the laughing school Monday
tomorrow. Other than that, yeah,
I'm just grinding doing a bunch
of open mics trying to hang out
with you boys. Yeah, that's it.
Really? Hell yeah, dude. Hey,
thanks for coming on Big Dog.
I love you, man. I love you guys.
Yeah, yeah, I love you too.
Peace. Real gay.
Welcome to Clown College. We have
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