This week on Clown College.
And these guys know there's a 20% chance that it's going to be Chris Hansen and they're
still willing to gamble it.
Still willing to do it knowing 20% chance.
If there was a 20% chance that plane was crashing, would you get on that fucking hill?
Not even a chance.
I don't care if it was full of hot whores and Russian pros.
No way.
Well, okay, now you're putting it like that.
Yeah, man.
You're putting it like that is maybe working.
I mean like.
This is the Clown College podcast.
We're just a couple open micers trying to make our way through the scene.
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages of their comedy career, no matter if
they're open micers, headliners or traveling comedians.
I'm here too.
Jamie 2.0.
I just talk a lot more.
Damn it, Brandon.
Go sit in the corner.
We're having fun.
Yeah.
We're having fun.
Until 27.
27?
I think.
Nice, dude.
What's that like fucking 200 in dog years, man?
Roundabout.
I have no clue.
What is dog years?
Okay, seven years is like every seven years or something.
So seven times two.
Every one year.
Every one.
For a human is seven years for a dog.
Yes, my bad.
Every one year is seven years for a dog.
Okay, okay.
It sucks.
It really does.
Hey, you guys notice that Brandon is clean shaving right now?
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Be smooth.
I'm a new man.
I'm really smooth now with my face.
So that's how we rolling.
He was playing a pedophile hunter?
Yeah.
Or a...
Bait.
Pedophile bait in the new...
He's the chum.
We were trying to trick him like a chameleon.
He is experienced.
When we thought of this kid, dude, who else could pull off that job?
Nobody else.
It was almost like he was born for that role, man.
I appreciate it.
Definitely raised for it.
You say candy, he says how high.
He does have a candy lot in there.
Oh yeah.
I'm addicted to candy, man.
Top three candies, Brandon.
Top three candy, side pass kids, Reese's, and then if you go over there, you're going
to get that Yolk Peppermint Mints patties.
Go over where exactly?
It's like you want to get a little spicy up in there, a little classy.
What did you say your first two were?
Side pass kids and Reese's.
Oh God.
Eminem's a good team.
Those are terrible to me.
We don't mix them.
Yeah.
It's not mixing.
Oh no, no.
But he was like, Yolk Peppermint patties are a classy candy.
The only people who I've ever seen eat Yolk Peppermint patties are people who look like
their breath would stink and they didn't brush them that day and that's why they ate that,
dude.
My family.
And people trying to entice kids.
That does make sense that you'd fall for it.
And they eat them naturally.
I haven't even seen a Yolk Peppermint patty in the wild in years.
I'm talking my decades.
They won't be around forever.
Right?
Yeah.
I haven't seen them.
I haven't seen one.
They're in those little silver packages.
Yeah.
I know what they are, but I'm just saying I'm down thinking about it.
Haven't seen a Yolk Peppermint patty.
I mean, we know.
Or Klondike bar.
Yeah.
No, I was just thinking that.
They got rid of the Choco Taco, man.
A few years back.
Was that Klondike too?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
I mean, look at that.
That's great.
And I get you out.
I get you out.
And first of all, dude, it's called Klond Lesbian now, okay?
They switched up.
So I'm fucking...
Definitely Rose.
I was going to call you a fascist, but that's not what it is.
What the fuck?
What?
Look at this right here.
I look over here.
Get the...
What the fuck?
Hey, yo.
The Hungarian Negro.
What kind of shit?
I didn't know they had them over there.
It's not even black.
No, it's...
Memphal.
Just a dude.
Memphal.
It says Memphal.
Memphal.
They probably spelled it wrong.
Wild name right there.
Good guess.
That...
What a wild selection.
You said Reese's York in...
Yeah, that is it.
Sour Patch Kids.
You ever had the cereal?
Yeah, they got Sour Patch Kids cereal, man.
That sounds terrible.
Let me show you what it looks like.
In milk, man?
Yeah, dude.
Brandon, stop, dude.
Yeah, diabetes is coming, isn't it?
No, that's not even...
That's like second concern.
Yeah.
You're eating sour milk, man?
No, let me show you.
So, look, see, this is it right here.
Oh, shit, they got a Kit Kat cereal?
That just looks terrible.
That just looks like Sour Patch Kids cereal.
Yeah.
It was weird.
Gosh.
God, that looks so bad.
It looks like fucking anal beads.
Yeah, after your second bowl, you didn't realize.
It's because it tastes like ass, dude.
Oh, shit, then the pizza up there, that was the best one.
That's still the best.
Like, have you ever seen those...
Pizza?
No, Peeps.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Not Peeps, I said Peeps.
If you ever see these, definitely go out there and get them.
They're really good.
Like, I'm obsessed.
Well, that kind of looks like Captain Crunch.
I was going to say Marshmallow.
Isn't that just like the Lucky Charms?
Yeah.
Not the...
Yeah.
Or these, too.
That's a gender reveal party.
Oh, yeah, you never know.
Whichever is the last Marshmallow determines the kid.
I like that.
NBC will pick that up.
Yeah.
Get out of here.
So, with that, we got Jack here.
Is that weed?
I'm sorry.
Is that weed in the top left in the shopping section?
The Oregon Flower.
It's a sponsor.
Stormy Daniels.
Okay.
What the fuck is going on?
That's the strain of Stormy Daniels.
I like that.
Let's get some of that, dude.
Tastes like piss.
I'm like, why is that popping up?
I guess it does make sense if you eat cereal.
Okay, so they predicted who I am because of this cereal.
They're like, this is like a stoner.
That's bullshit.
All right, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt, dude.
I know this is your podcast.
Let's have the fuck up.
I said, if you ever watch the pod and you wonder who does all that crazy intel, it's
this guy right here.
Our secret weapon.
We got damn Jack Duff.
Outside of one week.
Outside of what?
One week.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We got some ribbiting stuff on that baby.
Yeah, all six of those bullet points, dude.
Half of them were right.
I want this to be known.
I said, hey guys, we got to tackle this as a team.
You want to know how many things JJ wrote down?
Zero.
How many things Brandon wrote down?
You wrote down like three or four?
I wrote like three or four.
I got three or four.
I was like, yeah, I couldn't find it.
It was hard to find shit.
JJ does look like he would be in the group and take all the credit.
For sure.
That's what he did.
First of all.
And then talk shit about the person who actually filed something.
There were six bullets on the fucking thing.
So if Brandon did four of them, that means you only wrote down two things.
No, I didn't write down Brandon.
I thought Brandon was going to ask him questions because he had the thing.
But he never asked.
I should have done that.
Oh my gosh, man.
I mean, you had them on your phone.
I was like, I was like, get up.
Blank.
But we grow and we learn.
Yeah.
I guess we grow and we learn just like this Stormy Daniels right here.
I prefer more of a conversational style.
Yeah.
I like to explore my guests.
Oh man, that's good.
I appreciate that.
Sexually.
Ask David Lyonham.
Who's our guest today?
Hell yeah.
Here he is.
Oh man.
Hold up.
There you go.
Drama.
You'll find out more about that later.
Yes you will.
One thing that David Lyonham told me once that he didn't talk about in his section of the
podcast was when we went down to do Ghost Train, he was telling a story about a dildo
that they would put on the front of their tour bus that was like two feet long.
They called it the Gut Wrecker or something like that.
And they would ride into town with the gut buster on the front of the bus, dude.
Solid.
Yeah.
That's really cool.
So that's what he's going to be like.
Just let everybody else know.
That's how you get that attention, man.
You put it right there.
People are going to look.
They're like, wow, that's a big one.
I just love when Brandon talks and then they just stare at us.
We were talking earlier this week about have you ever been to a gay club?
Not one that advertised itself as a gay club, but one that was like just a lot of gay people
went to.
That's basically what Huntsville had like in the late 2010s was there was it was by
the train tracks.
There was a club that was just a regular club, but it became a gay club because that's who
attended it.
OK, OK, because we were talking about it.
I first I went to a gay club.
And I went there.
I'd explain all of that because I did go there a couple of times, but it wasn't gay when
I went.
Because I was like back in the day, my brother, like, hey, let's go.
We live in San Antonio.
Let's go to this gay bar.
It's really fun.
I was like this back when I was homophobic.
And so I was like, I'm not going.
I'm not going.
I'm not going to a fucking gay bar.
Right.
And first of all, if you guys are looking at me weird, everybody was in this time.
It was fashionable from a small town and black people don't like gays.
And that's all I was around.
But now I'm not.
So that's all that matters.
But so so that I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm not going to a gay bar.
A couple of months go by, he's like, all right, let's go out.
We went out and I'm like, dude, this fucking place is fun as shit.
We're all out there.
We're dancing and I'm talking to these like three chicks.
I'm doing good.
And then he comes up and he grabs me.
He's like, I just want to tell you that this is a gay bar.
I don't think those were, you know, handmade chicks.
And then and then so so then I like I like look around.
And it was like, like, you know, when like your eyes, like you take your sunglasses off
and there was like rainbow stuff everywhere and literally right behind me, there was a
guy with his shirt off dancing aggressively on a pole.
I was like, oh, but it was a it was a good time.
I go like they know how to party.
All right.
That's good.
Stayed there for the rest of the night.
Had a great time.
Oh, it is a good.
Yes, though.
I did.
All right, dude.
So when I was I was like 19, I went to Panama City Beach and I went to this bar called the
Splash Bar.
I'm pretty sure it's still open.
It's like it is a gay bar.
Like everybody knows it's a gay bar.
And I went there with my girlfriend at the time and we had an awesome time.
Like there was this lady having her bridesmaid party.
They were buying us drinks all night.
We were partying.
It was super fun.
Ton of people there.
So the next year I go with all my dude friends and I'm like, guys, listen, we got to go to
this place called the Splash Bar.
It's a gay bar.
But they were like you, their homophobic after it wasn't fashionable anymore.
Shout out Blake and Josh and Hunter, dude, if you're still alive.
Yeah.
So I I hype it up to them.
They're like, dude, it is a gay bar, though.
And I'm like, bro, trust me.
Tons of fun.
We get there and there's an outside portion.
We pay 20 bucks each to get in.
There's like maybe five people out there.
Then we go inside and there's maybe 10 people in there.
And two of them are these two black dudes standing up on the bar, identical twins, completely
butt ass naked, shaking their dicks on the bar.
And my friends, I don't think they've gotten over it yet.
We stayed for maybe five minutes, which is long enough to get the pattern down.
That's so funny.
I will say Blake, Josh, Hunter and JJ is definitely the first names of a 1990s boy band.
Hunter is actually Mexican, dude.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Is he?
Yeah.
Hunter.
Yeah.
Mexican.
Yeah.
That's a wild name for a Mexican.
White dad.
Oh, OK.
OK.
Yeah.
I'm glad you looked it up.
Yeah.
It was an orange beach?
I guess it might be.
I don't think that's it, man.
Oh, damn.
It was in Panama City.
Panama City.
Let's say Panama.
Oh, my gosh.
Panama.
That's it.
The splash bar.
Oh, shit.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Dude, that looks like a good time.
Look how many people are there.
That looks like a good time.
Let's go.
Dude, it was awesome the first time.
I guess I just went on a slow day.
That dude has his shirt off in the lower right corner.
That might be me, dude.
I'm glad you had a good time.
Three years ago.
It lines up.
There's multiple guys with their shirts off.
Oh, wow.
And I swear to God, when I was at this bar.
Well, I can't say it, but you see it.
What?
Jack sees it.
Look in the middle, dude.
Oh, I see it.
I see it.
Bro, how could you not?
Yeah.
I like that.
Is that a Spider-Man costume, too?
I think I see a Aladdin costume, too.
Shoot.
That one shoots webs out of his cock.
It's right there.
We're out of his ass, I guess.
Well, if you're homophobic, go to a...
Only when he farts, dude.
That is 90% of our fan base.
But if you go, it'll make you not be homophobic anymore.
They have a good time.
And I love all gay people.
Lesbians I'm friends with the most.
Throughout my whole life, me and lesbians get along, dude.
Oh, I thought you meant like I'm friends with most of them.
No, no, no.
Usually if I come in contact with lesbians, we're always cool.
We just get each other.
Yeah.
That's good.
I don't know why.
I'm gonna chill.
Cool.
We're always cool.
And they usually like to drink a lot.
We have fun.
What else are we talking about, guys?
I'm gonna tell you what we can talk about.
What?
We can talk about how I got the news recently that sadly the boxcar is gone.
Oh, man.
RIP, man.
I'm really gonna miss it.
Well, I really wanted to come check it out.
I got to check it out once, but now I was sending Get Ready to Go More, and now it's
gone.
And you know, hosting Black Panther, Hidden Dragon.
I'm definitely gonna miss that spot.
Rest in peace, Boxcar Bar and Grill.
Let's have a moment of silence.
Yeah, let's have a moment of silence.
Brandon, if you would like to say a few words.
Okay.
We're gonna preach.
Did you talk to your moment of silence?
Oh, shit.
Hold on.
Wait a minute.
You can't say that.
All right.
Here we go.
Amen.
You're not gonna say any words, man?
Just a few.
Just a few words.
You know, thank you for all you have done, and we will miss you.
We love you, and we're always here for you.
And all these nice guys in front of me, we're all very sad.
Look at their faces.
Look how sad they look.
And yeah, we're very sad.
And we're gonna, yeah.
Here's a little, this is not for a joke.
This is like, you know how you do a laugh and you get like a little, this is what we
used to hear in the bar.
You know what I mean when you hear a good laugh?
But instead of doo-doo, it was laster.
And we're gonna miss that.
It's beautiful, Brett.
Thank you.
Fucking beautiful.
Did you clap at a funeral?
All right.
Eulogenizing is in the future.
Oh dude, he can fucking do my funeral, man.
You can do my wedding too.
I appreciate it.
Oh my God, that would be the best wedding of all time.
That would be crazy.
Officiating the wedding?
Oh my gosh, man.
Dude, I would be preparing like how many, two weeks, I would definitely months in advance,
man.
I'd be writing pages and shit.
I'd be like getting some research.
I'd be asking, you feel, I'd be like, we gotta get some research on this guy.
What is it?
Somebody you've known your entire life.
I know, but I'd be like, we gotta get deeper.
We gotta get deep, deep.
I feel you.
Okay, I don't like how I got lower with that, but you know what I mean.
So what we got going on this week?
Something big.
Yes, we do.
Oh, dude, I'm about to get to the eighth gym on Pokemon.
I'm about to defeat Claire's bitch ass dragon type Pokemon.
Jesus Christ.
You're like 500 hours in.
How is that all year?
Dude, because I like to take my time.
Okay, I like to talk to every person.
I want to catch every Pokemon.
I don't care if I have 35 of this fucking Squirtle, dude.
I need more.
Which are starting lineup looking like?
Right now, oh, well, we've got an HM slave, which if you know Pokemon, you know what that
means, dude.
A Forsy.
That's all my HMs that get me to break the rocks, surf, fly.
For some reason, you can ride a fucking piece of coral into the sky in Pokemon, dude.
It doesn't make any sense.
Feraligatr, I named him Fang, dude.
Got a Crobat, call him Wingdings.
And then my Golem, his name is Robert.
What the fuck?
And then the Pseudo-Woodo that they make you catch.
Pseudo-Woodo?
What is that?
He's a tree.
He's a tree that punches people.
He likes to fight.
He's a tree.
So like, my type.
An Int.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, I was like, that was a different length.
I got to get into this game.
Shit's tied, dude.
Defeated Whitney's Mill Tank, notoriously the hardest fight.
Do you know what he's talking about?
Pokemon?
In early stage of a Pokemon game.
Yeah, sort of.
I mean, I played it, but I don't remember these things that he said.
He's like two generations past where we were.
Oh, okay.
Okay, okay.
He's like Gen Z.
Gen Z Pokemon.
Yeah.
Well, it's Johto.
It's second region.
It's a remake of an older game.
The ones that came out right after Red and Green.
Hit up Jonathan Silver if you need a link.
Oh yeah, dude.
He airdropped me all the files, man.
He's fucking got them.
I need them.
Help me out.
Shout out to Homegrown.
They had, JJ was on it.
What?
Nothing, dude.
I sneezed.
JJ, Dan Price, Men, and Alex Z Headline.
It was a good show.
I brought some friends out.
They had a good time.
I asked Dom's friend's brother, F.E.A. pussy right in front of her, and she didn't like
that very much.
Did he?
He did.
He said he gave the right answer.
I got the room to give him a round of applause, but that's not enough for some people, dude.
I'm telling you, man, white women can't fucking stand them.
I'm clipping this out, getting a show to do it.
I can't say her name.
They have families and such.
Happy Mother's Day.
Don't want to be associated with this.
Happy Mother's Day.
Fuck you.
Oh yeah, it is Mother's Day.
Yes, it is.
Happy Mother's Day.
How did we not bring that up, dude?
Shout out to all the good moms out there.
Hell yeah.
Fuck you to all the bad ones.
I tell you to go suck a dick, but you probably already are.
Damn, that is true.
No, I get what he's saying, man.
Because there could be some bad moms out there.
Not every mom is a good mom, dude.
Yeah, but there's some bad ones out there actually doing what he's saying.
But he's saying you probably already are, and you said that is true.
Wait, probably already.
Okay, hold on.
Brandon's mom.
No, no, wait, wait, probably already are what?
Sucking dick.
Okay, no, no, no, no.
So what?
I thought he was talking about the bad moms.
So I saw it.
That's what I thought.
That's what you talking about.
Yeah, like in the bathroom or something.
I was like, they might be, you never know.
I don't know if my mom would be considered a good mom or a bad mom.
She was okay.
There's mid moms, dude.
Yeah, mid moms.
My mom overachieved.
She was a 16 year old mom.
Damn, damn, dude.
Raised me.
Overachiever.
Fuck yeah.
And now she's a doctor.
Not like one of those doctors that makes money.
Doctors, doctors.
Still a PhD.
Hell yeah.
All right, applause.
Jack's mom.
Her accomplishments, not for her son.
Happy Mother's Day.
Hell yeah.
To mothers.
Hell yeah.
Fucking Coors Light.
That's what good mothers drink.
The least severe cases of fetal alcohol syndrome come from Coors Light.
With those mountains turning blue.
All right, well that's all we got for today.
That went by fast.
What is big this week?
There's some.
Yeah, I'm sorry guys.
You really forgot.
I thought you were fucking around.
What?
You really forgot?
No, I knew, but I wanted to do the Pokemon joke.
I thought it was going to be funnier than it was.
It went on for too long.
I knew I was wrong.
I liked it.
I knew I was wrong.
I forgot I was surrounded by old people, dude.
Not for me, man.
I just got to get into it.
Yeah, but you have your own thing going on, dude.
All right.
Being the fucking best, dude.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
The live show, Kill It Glimps.
We sold 12 tickets.
12 tickets, a lot of ads, 12 tickets.
Please come out, guys.
Please.
If you're out there, we need you.
It's going to be fun.
We just shot the skit.
And I will say, that's definitely our best skit.
Dude, this skit is actually really good.
It's so good.
Dan Price is the cop.
Oh my God.
Kills it.
On Falling in the Grave.
I got to put that in the...
The blooper reel.
Yeah, the blooper reel.
On Falling in the Grave, and then Brandon's the bait.
Yeah.
Or his dumb sidekicks.
And then went just exactly as you thought it was.
And we have a surprise pedophile.
Yes, we do.
Oh, yeah.
Surprise pedophile casted.
It's the ones you least suspect.
Or most suspect.
I was going to say, if you've seen them, probably most suspect.
All right, guys.
This week's featured comedian.
I told my wife I was coming up here to do Four Minutes tonight.
She goes, make sure you do Four Minutes.
Don't do 30 seconds and call it Four Minutes.
She's a bitch, you know?
People think Four Minutes isn't a long time, but you've never fucked my wife, you know?
Dude, this is cool.
I like this setup.
You got a switcher that switches all these...
So I do it at post.
In post.
That's what we do.
Every camera's hot.
We go back and post.
And they've got this software that grabs it, and when you start talking, it knows what
camera to go to.
So there's really not much to clean up.
Our producer wrote software that does this.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck?
Y'all writing it in the house code?
Yeah, it memorizes your voice, and it's like some AI thing, and it memorizes your voice,
and as soon as you start talking, it cuts to you.
So he just, I mean, unless somebody says something terrible, he has to go back and take it out.
We usually leave the terrible stuff in, but...
Yeah.
No, no, we'll cut it out.
Well, we don't have a career to lose yet.
Right.
It'll be real bad in about being generous five years when we have a thousand subscribers.
Almost there.
We got 300 or something?
Yeah.
It's a lot of noise out there, dude.
Oh, yeah.
True.
JJ.
Yes?
We got a special guest today, don't we?
We do.
We do, man.
We're rolling.
You are kidding, huh?
Oh, yeah.
We're awesome.
We get up in there, dude.
Yeah, this is our third out of towner in a month.
After having none for 25 episodes.
Yeah, this guy, he's one of the hardest working people in the Alabama comedy scene.
He runs the comedy break-in brand of show productions, The Sandbar in Orange Beach.
Let's go.
Ghost Train, Velma's in Trussville.
Those.
There's some other ones.
Hacking Forth, which is coming to Shenanigans August 24th.
That's right.
Oh, shit.
I can't wait for you all to be a part of that.
Oh, man.
You know we're coming out.
Anything you need.
We're coming out.
Y'all get it.
Part of that show is when you have, a lot of comics will go out there and bomb on purpose
so we can come out of the gate and be like, man, we wanted to kill ourselves during your
set.
Because we're all buddies.
And the crowd doesn't know that.
They just think we hate each other.
Yeah.
It's what's so funny.
They're like, oh my God, that's what everybody was thinking.
But we're like, man, it's like wrestling.
After the match, we all go out and get a beer afterwards.
It's a fun show.
And I got some good jokes that'll bomb.
Yeah.
I've been building a catalog of them myself for nine, ten months.
That's when we got to cash in our agreement, dude.
Do you remember the agreement we made about the jokes we're going to use?
Yeah, I got you.
We have, each of us have a joke that doesn't work.
But like, not only does it not work, it turns the entire room.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it soles the mood.
It'll all people.
So we said we're going to do it on the same show.
That'll be it.
That'll be the show, dude.
It's so much fun.
The reason I love this show is it makes comics better.
You see them every week at mics.
They're just robotic and they tell their jokes and they don't ever go well.
And you're like, what is this guy's real life like?
Well, we force them over the mic to open up and we see them.
It's not crowd work, but it's kind of like them dipping their toes in it.
And you really get to see some of these guys really are funny, but they're just not themselves
on stage.
They're trying to be a comedian when they tell these jokes.
They don't know about pausing or building tension and releasing.
None of that.
But you get a look at their real personality.
And this shows like it showcases it.
And I don't care if it makes a dime.
Like it helps comic so much.
And people make fun of it.
Of course, first time people see it, they're like, oh, what is this kill phony?
What is this dollar store?
But we only take one aspect of that show and do it.
And even that we change it.
We don't spend 15 minutes talking to you.
None of us have a career that's worth 15 minutes.
So it's like, what are we going to unpack?
And so we'll spend like two minutes and we move it along.
And if somebody does good, we just move it along anyway.
So the next comic can ride that wave.
Hey, I love it.
We're doing like a similar.
We got a live show on the 17th and we're doing like half of it is like pod.
It's a lot of pod.
And then we'll have some skits.
And then after that, we were doing bucket pulls with two minutes to stand up and then
interview.
And then they get the pies in the face because we're clowns.
Yeah, that's great.
There's no telling how many comics on the scene want to be on this podcast anyway.
They're probably looking forward to it as an opportunity to be on the show.
Yeah.
And it'll be straight and we're going to use that for the episode.
It'll be next episode.
So we're going to use that for the episode and clean it up and have the audio and all
that shit really good.
Who's the audio engineer for that?
Well, Kim just has a session.
And so Kim has a the mixer and I just put the SD card in there.
You have a crowd mic to pick up laughter.
Yeah.
And then we'll have Alex's mic has the boom mic attached to it.
The shotgun mic and we'll I'll get back in between those and get the crowd noise in there.
Yeah.
We're thinking about making a podcast out of it, but it's so hard to do because some
comics are like, I don't want, you know, this is shit.
I'm working on, man.
I take this serious.
And I was like, yeah, but because I want to make a promo video.
The problem is all of our back and forths with the comics, we reference their set.
And if their set's not a part of it, then what we're saying is not as funny out of
context.
Okay.
We reference something they said in the two minute mark in their set.
And if you didn't hear their set, it's like, what are they even talking about?
So but we've talked to comics and are like, if we get a good interaction and we have to
release your set, we'll just ask them, Hey, can we release this set as promo to get this
show out there on the road?
That way you might can have a gig on a Friday or Saturday when you don't have a gig.
Yeah.
And then whenever they release a set, people think it's like burning material.
Well, really it's not.
No, you know, the people is going to is getting you, like you said, it's going to get you
spots and then you know, you can do the same material.
It's not like everybody in the room is going to know that one joke.
And even if they do, people come to it like the machine.
People still want to hear that ridiculous ass story over every time he closes with it.
I'm like, who in this crowd has not heard this damn story, but it's not about that.
They love it and want to hear it.
And so if you have a killer joke in your set, there's just two ways of looking at it.
And you're right.
That is one of them is to, you know, who cares at this stage?
If somebody liked your joke, you should be really happy that anybody liked it.
Because I hate all my material.
As soon as I get it down and it's tight and I like it and I'm like, oh man, why can't
I write something that's not filthy?
Why is everything I could be about dumb jokes and dick jokes?
My wife's dad came to the show last night and I was like, oh my God, half my sets about
fucking his daughter.
This is crazy.
And he's front row center and I just couldn't deliver it the way I like to deliver it because
he's up there.
I can just see him shaking his head like it was miserable.
And I don't want to, I want to be flexible enough to be able to do a clean set.
Like as a challenge.
Yeah.
You know, I'm trying to work on it.
It is a challenge.
It is like you got to get like, um, observational comedy, you know, a little bit something like
that too.
Yes.
To, uh, to, but our brains are programmed to go towards our dick.
That's what makes us laugh.
I know.
That's the problem.
And you know, what really made me want to do it is going and seeing Nate Barghazi last
night.
I was like, man, look at how effortless it is for him and look what he did.
He sold out a seven o'clock show, 18,000 seats, sold it out.
I went to the three o'clock show and I've been there countless times to see bill Burr
and people like that.
And he had almost half of the upper deck full filled.
So he almost sold out the second show at three PM.
Do you know how much cheese that is guys?
I bet you he's like, you can have them dicks jokes, son.
I'll be up here.
Yeah.
And then everybody can go to his show and love it even if you do like dig jokes and
all that shit.
His shit is still funny.
It's gold.
His dad murdered too.
His dad was up there.
Yeah.
The magician.
Oh yeah.
He brought his dad for this one and he does very little magic.
He's just funny.
Walk around the stage and really it's mostly bits.
His only magic trick he does is at the very end and everybody claps for him.
He kills man.
His dad is great as a comic.
I don't think he's ever done it.
I think the biggest thing he's ever done is like a 15, 20 minute set, but he killed his
dad was great.
Damn.
It's wild, dude.
I cannot imagine doing standup with my dad.
That's for sure.
Oh, I know.
We'd be canceled immediately.
Because of how your dad is.
He's wild as shit.
He's wild.
Tell him how he sleeps.
Oh, okay.
So my dad sleeps fully clothed and I'm not talking about like.
Like pass out fully clothed.
Shoes on.
Like a soldier, dude.
Like a fucking soldier.
Right on his back and when I say fully clothed, I mean he has like extra clothes on with a
hat and sunglasses every night.
That's why.
Just like lay in there.
I don't ever know if he's asleep or not.
I can't tell.
Is he just one of these?
Where did this spawn from?
Just wanting to be able to get up and go?
Dude, I have.
Be at work?
Yes.
He's a workaholic, dude.
That's the sign of a workaholic.
Sleeping in clothes.
Gosh, dude.
Just always ready, man.
Yeah.
What does he do when he wakes up every day?
He gets a ladder, gets on top of his house with a leaf blower.
This is like four, four thirty in the morning.
Blows all the leaves off his roof.
Every morning and every night before he goes to bed.
Every single day.
I love him.
Is his neighbors like really concerned?
He's got a bit of land.
There's some separation, but it's still insane.
Is it the OCD-ness of wanting a clean roof?
I think so.
Oh yeah, it's gotta be.
So what has JJ carried from that bloodstream?
Well, I went to his graduation, right?
He just graduated.
He walks like a serial killer.
He doesn't move his arms.
He doesn't have facial expressions.
They might both be father and son serial killer.
I'm not gonna say that.
I'm not gonna be the guy that's like, yeah, me and my dad, we kill people.
You got a neighbor you don't like?
Slide the adieu this way, dude.
We'll take care of him.
That's great, man.
That's all it tells me is that you have to, all of his weirdness, you have to have some
of it.
So I was like, what if your friends picked up on this?
You know, you're getting to be a lot like your dad and you'll get worse at it as you
get older.
Oh my gosh, dude.
If I'm like that, shoot me, man.
Well, when he drives in the car, he doesn't listen to any music or anything.
Okay.
Sometimes I'll just drive.
I drove to Auburn a couple of weeks ago, four hours there, didn't play anything.
You hear that?
Just sat there in the car.
I was like that playing music.
I'd do four hours and have, you know, in your zone the whole time.
When I got done with my shows, I would love silence, but it does.
It is the sign of a serial killer who doesn't play music and prefers the silence.
Come on, man.
Who likes to be alone with their own thoughts?
I had to shit so bad the other day.
I left my phone in my room and ran to go shit and I was alone with my thoughts for three
minutes, dude.
I thought I was going to die.
I was screaming for somebody to throw a newspaper under the door or something.
I was in there stuck with my own thoughts.
Two hours to Auburn, just like, what were you doing?
Writing bits in your head?
I do go over my sets in my head.
Like on the, when I did the X5 showcase, which is May 30th.
Yeah.
When I was on the way down there.
Just real quick, we are going to have an absolute huge, huge, huge comic at the end of the night.
They won't even tell me because they know my ass will get on this block.
Hell yeah.
We had Jim Norton and he had to bump to go do something else.
Now we've got somebody bigger than Jim Norton that's going to close the show.
Bigger than Jim.
I'm going to go down there.
So like it's free tickets.
Listen to me when I tell you this, it's free tickets.
If you use promo code X5, go get them right now.
You will be kicking yourself in the ass if you miss this, guys.
At the Stardome.
Birmingham.
It's at the Stardome.
And the wings are good.
If you're fat.
I'm not bragging about their food, but I'll tell you, this is a big game.
I took a 45 minute shit for those wings.
Yeah.
Normally I take an hour.
Dude, I want to tell you about this.
So we do research on, on the comedians when they come on and I went to listen to your
song cold.
Oh yeah.
Dude, I'm telling you guys banger.
The band name is Lionel.
That's right.
We were last in line when they were giving out band names.
It's all they had left.
Trust me.
It's been misspelled.
Hymen, Lyman.
We have a collection.
We have that in the notes.
A collection of the misspelled band names.
We have a collection of posters of beer vendors and venues and pictures of like the whiskey
go-go in LA with our name just butchered.
You can't even tell it's our name.
I'm surprised we moved any tickets the way they spelled it up.
We got line them line, man, Lyman.
Yeah.
Lionel.
I've heard all these dude.
And I roll with them too.
If you say it like that, I'm like, yeah, that's me.
What's the sense of correcting it?
It's spelled just like it sounds.
L-Y-N-A-M.
But for some reason, trust me, if I could switch last names, I would have done it.
But I don't you may have to take this out and post, but we're about to announce the
day before that shenanigans.
We're doing a show at Mars Music Hall that we haven't announced yet.
So people right now only think we're doing this arena show in British Columbia, Canada
at this arena out there in Kuala Lumpur.
We got people out here doing arenas.
Motherfuckers.
Not for comedy.
Don't get it twisted.
Trust me.
I could clear an arena.
But if I'm at the top of that show.
But yeah, we've got that.
It's going to be August 23rd at Mars Music Hall.
We did this show last year and did 1200 tickets there.
So damn that.
Let me just say what's funny about comedy, dude, is that one, the camaraderie we all
have, like I don't have to know you all super well that we could just sit around and talk
for hours.
I always enjoyed that being in a van.
And when I quit playing music to do the comedy full time, which is a terrible idea.
If you're supporting a family out there, if you're thinking about doing that, don't do
it.
But luckily I'm able to provide for my family doing other businesses.
So in the podcast affords me the ability to do comedy and not need the money.
So the thing about comedy is so funny is nobody on this scene, nobody gives a shit or even
knows I was in a band.
And I love it that way.
I don't want to be treated like like people treat me in the music industry.
I'd love to go into it because I know whether I'm funny or not, people are brutally honest.
They don't give a shit.
We went outside of the stardom.
A line of line them fan.
This girl came up and she was like tremble and coming up to talk to me in front of the
other comics.
Now I'm sitting there talking to them and she's like, oh my God, you are like my favorite
drummer and they they don't know anything about this past life of mine.
You know, and they're looking at her like this piece of shit regularly.
And she's like, are you a fan of his?
And they were like, what band did you play?
And they start asking questions.
Now they are all starting to know like a year into my career in comedy.
And now, of course, whether they like the music or not, but they do realize that came
from from something.
And so many people come up to me in public now are like, why did you quit doing something
you were so successful at to do comedy?
I was like, you've never gotten up in front of people and told a joke and heard a roar.
Yeah.
Once you hear that, it's like heroin, man.
You'll never quit.
You never quit.
It'll go.
I mean, so addicted, man.
And I like to think that I've killed before.
I've never killed, by the way.
I've just gotten some pops.
I've gotten some laughs and that's all it took.
I seen you.
I love that you had the first time I seen you was a stand up live and you did a smasher
mouth joke.
Yeah.
And you looked around, you like, oh, he just died.
Right.
Oh, everybody hears a fucking smash.
Yeah.
Y'all love that song.
Degenerate Losers.
I love that song.
I was laughing like a little boy.
Yeah.
Dude, I mean, the first time I ever met you was in, it was at Cahaba in Birmingham.
And I think that was like right after we both kind of first started.
We started around the same time.
We have to be within like three or four weeks.
Yeah.
I started, started like July, around July 1st of last year.
Oh, yeah.
First show was during the pandemic, June 6th.
Hmm.
Oh, what's that?
My first comedy show?
Yeah, your first comedy show.
Huh.
June 6th.
Oh, oh yeah.
I went up in an open mic.
It was the first time I went up.
Yeah.
It was in Oxford, Mississippi.
And we were playing a private event and they like, y'all got to be set up by seven o'clock.
We're doing an open mic here.
And everybody in the band goes, Hey, you've been talking shit for a while.
You want to get up and do it?
I sat behind my drum kit and did my whole set.
Oh shit.
And so this is how terrible it was.
I'm embarrassed to say this, but you know, after I did a punch line on the drum set,
I'm so mortified at it.
But it did get a little bit of a pop like, Oh, that's not fair.
We don't get to do that shit.
Yeah.
It was one of those looking back, I'm mortified, but like I was, I was still comfortable doing
it because I was behind the kit.
The first time I got out in front of the kit and it was just out there.
It was like, I've never been on stage before in my life.
I was shitting blood, dude.
I was so nervous.
It's a whole nother ball game.
Yeah.
And you were talking about being alone with your thoughts earlier.
Now you're alone with your thoughts in front of a room full of people waiting to hear them.
It's like crazy.
It's crazy to think about.
When you suck as a band, you can kind of be like, it's a little him.
It's a little him.
Maybe a little me could be the singer.
When you kind of share the guilt of a bad night.
Not in this, not in this buddy.
There's nobody else to blame.
You can be like that crowd suck.
Nobody you'll see in about three comics from now that it crowds just fine.
They'll go to the level of the room, you'll be like, well, maybe it was me.
My pit started sweating.
Even like people would come up to me after my sets in the beginning and be like, you've
been doing this for like five years.
You seem so calm.
And I was like, hell no.
I can see these little tails.
I do where I'd be bouncing my leg up and down a bunch.
And now in hindsight, I realize people will look at that and they won't even listen to
your jokes.
They're like, what's going on with this guy?
Got Parkinson's.
What's going on with his leg?
And, but at the time I appeared to be calm and I was having a nervous breakdown inside.
Yeah.
When I saw you had to be only like maybe a month or two in that stand up, I mean, it
could have been, you couldn't have been doing it that long.
And I thought you were, I thought you were that, I thought you were experienced comic
for a long time.
Whip cream and a turd.
There was a dumpster fire going on in my body in my head, at least for sure.
Yeah.
So where was your first open mic like starting in like the Birmingham scene?
Uh, right before the pandemic hit, I went up to one in, um, Crestwood right in front
of true story brewing.
It's a place called Crestwood Tavern and there were, it was, it was terrible.
I mean, I can't, I've blocked it out of my head.
You know, you're asking me about it and bringing back memories.
Yeah.
That's what we do here.
Yeah.
This is like a therapy session.
Your uncle quit till y'all got me crying on this one.
But that's the first one I remember.
And then, you know, uh, what motivated me to start doing mics.
Of course everybody said, Hey, listen, if you're going to do anything, you got to just
start your own mic.
I saw, um, I don't want to mention his name, but I saw a guy that runs a mic, not let a
comic finish a joke because it had to do with Hitler or something.
And he was still in the building of the premise part of the joke.
It was his very first time up and he played him off and was like, not at my mic.
You're not going to do any jokes about that.
And I was like, Oh no, no, no.
No, no man.
That guy I went up to him.
I was like, that's not right, dude.
You didn't even finish the joke.
My role is and will forever be if it's not funny, that's your punishment is not funny.
That stings enough.
But he let those stay with you for years sometimes, you know?
Um, and I, and I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to do a mic that this feels like a show.
I'm going to do a mic work.
Everybody has walk-up music and I'm going to, um, get a QR code.
Like if you like the comic you can follow if you hate him you can still follow him see where he's at
Don't show up there, you know, and I tell people at Mike's now
Following these comics is as good as tipping them. So just if you'll follow them it take it calls nothing
Yeah, just aim your camera at this TV and follow them
but then I just started getting obsessed with the production side of things but
It takes away from your comedy like writing true. It does that's the downfall of it that I'm now realizing
Mm-hmm. And now I'm trying to hand this thing off like a hot potato
In the beginning there were two mics in Birmingham
That was it for real and then I just went on a rampage and now there's one every day of the week except for Friday
And Saturday and I'm trying to add to that
I'm trying to put one at least on a Friday or Saturday, even though it's an open mic. That's all hack and forth is
It's a spicy one. Like it feels like a show the audience. It makes them feel like a show
I want to make it an event
so
But it does it pulls so much time away from writing and I'm terrible
It's just sitting in a room by myself trying to come up with bit
I can't I ain't talking with y'all and sometimes I'll be talking with my comedy friends
I'll be like I'll be right back and I'll go put something in my phone
But that's the only way I come up with ideas now
I can go home once I have an idea and start and then yeah write it out
But I cannot just sit in a room with my thoughts and like yeah
I I need these guys that are like they'll be like write that down
You know because sometimes you're just saying something that you just talking about from your past or whatever
They're like that's funny. You need to write that down. You don't even think yeah
Have we all forgotten more jokes than we remember?
No way I'm sleeping on this one like I will go to this is so funny when I wake up
I'm gonna write it down. Oh, you don't ever remember. I would be my career and I'd be doing arenas
I remembered all the jokes
In a moment of I had one the other day so good and it's haunts me to this day
I don't even know what it was. You know what? It feels like
Tenacious D the greatest song in the world where the the one they didn't write down
Yeah, forgot it and so they had to write one about it. That's what I feel like my whole act is now
It's just jokes about the one that I forgot
Cannot remember them. I'll tell you what sucks
Just as much as when you're really hyped about one you got it written down and you look at it the next day and you're like
This fucking sucks
Like I feel like mushrooms really really does make me funnier and like a community but sometimes
There are one out of ten times on the next day. I wake up movie. Like are you like?
Mentally disabled what is your problem thinking that there's no way to make that funny? Yeah
You you go up on stage on mushrooms?
No, are you have no I want to but every time I'm about to I'm like even out with laser
I was like his crowd would be very receptive to somebody going up on mushroom. Mm-hmm
Cassius like don't do it. Don't do it. And I was like God he petrifies me. He's been in comedy since nom
So what I'm gonna be like no man, you don't know yeah, you don't know better. I know better. I'm still gonna do it
I'll say something and get everybody canceled on the show
But I love I love mushrooms like I'm in a band touring for years
I drank more than anybody ever could mmm, and so I just can't handle those hangovers at 47
You're all young shits right here. Y'all can still do it bounce back. I'm not
I'm not that young. He's getting there. Are you the old man in the group? That's what I am in my group. Yeah
They were like hey man, I own our text thread yesterday
They were like god dang David those were good see I was second row to Nate Borgazzi in there and another comic fired in
He has to be that close. He can't see or hear them if he's fucking five rows back
So it's always old jokes. All of my mentors in comedy are at least four years younger than me
Yeah, I'm the old man too and it doesn't make sense to start this career at 47
It's but you like it. That's why it makes sense. I ain't ever quitting. Yeah, I
That first time I got a pop at stand-up live on Casio show that five-minute set. I did opening up for him. Mm-hmm
I was like I may never play drums again that or I may but I'll for sure be doing comedy till I die
Speaking of rest in peace, but James Gregory just died
He was doing sets like two or three months ago. He was doing my mom went to see him just a few months ago
Oh shit, and he died what like two days ago. I even know that rest in peace
I know who he is, right?
James Gregory the picture he doesn't photograph well in his last few years
Funniest man in America. Yeah
Damn, he went all the way till the end. It looks pretty rough in those pictures, huh? Yeah
I don't think you can Photoshop that
But did you know what we can do this shit till we die
That's what it tells you literally just a couple months before he passed away. He's out doing stardom show. Yeah. Oh, yeah
Yeah, that's four million views on his newest special on YouTube. I didn't even watch it. What year is that?
2022. Oh, wow
I think I need to see that my mom's favorite comic. Oh, yeah
Yeah, I text her when it when it hit my phone right in the middle of a show
She my mom comes to all my shows. Oh, that's awesome all my open mic
She's of every single one of them and I have like some material I want to do about her, but it's pretty disparaging
and she you're so funny about these comics as they
Y'all see them too. Like there's just comics with like mental illness going on. Oh, and yeah, sometimes you're scared
You're like, is this guy? Okay? I know I'm afraid to turn like there's a guy that just refuses to sign up for my mics
But he shows up for all of them. I am terrified to send him away because he just has that school shooter vibe
Yeah, and so I feel like yeah, man. We'll squeeze you up
Just when remember when you're reading your manifesto remember your boy
Don't forget about me
We were talking about a guy earlier from your scene man your neck of the woods
He talks about beating up his mom. Yes on stage rags about it and looks my mom dead in the eyes while he says it
Oh, he does that's down here too. Yeah
In the room
Titans up. Oh, yeah that you know, it's almost like that's a insane thing to say like that's not even close to being funny
Yeah, that's what I feel like it could be that's what's such a roller coaster ride about open mics because you're
You're like everybody who needs to have a voice everybody needs to get up
But if you're got if you've got a show coming up two weeks from now and you're trying to iron out a tight fiber Tim
Mm-hmm. If you if I put you up after that guy, there is nobody to do it to you're back to just doing your set in front
Of us. Yeah, which I had a nickel for every time I've done my set in front of just comics
I'd have like $15
But yeah, you got and you have to write you have to to tighten that set up
Mm-hmm, and you have to acknowledge when somebody says something like this
Mm-hmm
Like I was hosting and that guy did the joke about beating his mom and I went back up and I was like yeah
Whatever the fuck that was
His mom or something. Yeah, you have to like create that levity in the room because like it sucks all the energy out and people
Like oh, I don't want to laugh at anything now. I know I have to I'll go up and tell them
I was like by the way, y'all this is what happens when you don't pay for comedy
But let me look at y'all it's ten dollars to get out of here
So you gotta stick around don't let a guy like that drive you out of here
And and if he comes up to me is like why'd you say that shit?
I'd be like because you didn't now somebody has to acknowledge it because you didn't say hey taking swings up here
That didn't go too. Well, you didn't even you were just like, yeah
That's my time and get out of like everybody in here feels like dad just slapped mom at the dinner table
And there's nobody gonna acknowledge this attention that's in the room
I've got to go out there and say something like hey, man
That that's the kind of set that I make you want to quit. Am I right gang and everybody?
Thank you, we're all thinking it and
And that's what's so funny about comedy. You have to say what the room's thinking sometimes to get a laugh. Mm-hmm
But you know, you're hosting your own mic. Are you doing it by yourself? Yeah. Yeah Wow, that's a lot to do by yourself. I mean
The one I do it's kind of just like a like rough and tumble. It's Lucy
Oh, it's a true workshop Mike like you get up there and like just an idea. There's a crowd
There's always random people there and you got a win. Yeah, you got what they will look at
There'll be an ambush by the mic and is that what it?
They always have live music there. So there's always something on the stage. Yeah, but since it's always live music
They don't get comedy probably this is the only one. Yeah, so so yeah, they kind of I do
I have rooms offer me to do comedy and I just go and look at them first
I'll go spend whatever night they're thinking about doing I'll go look and look at the room and just check out the vibe of
The room and be like he wouldn't like it. She definitely wouldn't like it
He wouldn't like I just look and that's the kind of patrons that are in there
Mm-hmm, if they don't have a side room that we can just have and I don't care how small it is the Michael
We run out in Montgomery if y'all ever get a chance to go down to them. It is so awesome. It's the tiniest
I swear it's not much bigger than this room. Is it um, um, I'm aviator. Yeah, I've been there
I've been there before I did a boy. Yeah, awesome. It's down in that when you go down
Okay, go down the stairs. Uh-huh. You can go down and back up a little bit that little room in the bit in the middle
Right there. Okay, it is so tiny that and here's what's cool about it
it has a perception as you're walking by that there's something big time going on because the comics give
The people in the room because there's only like 18 chairs that can you can sit in they they line up in the hallway before they
Go up and and they walk look in well from down this way on the bar
It looks like what is going on everybody's kind of looking in that room and people just file in
It's always packed and it's always like a little sardine. It's like a telephone booth
That's perfect
but the smaller you can get a room for
Open mics and better and it because it doesn't take much to fill it up in the in the ceilings really low and it's like
A bunker with sandbags all around you. It's such a cool setup
Don't tell Jake that cuz every time he goes in a room no matter where we are
He's like all the ceilings are so low here. Yeah
It's it makes for a great room though, man, it really does that's why pleasures is so good
Yeah, it's a comedy in front of this
It's hard not to become a prop comic with that all around you know, I put stuff up there
We had a dick extender this time. I didn't know they made those it was a dick extender ten inches
So if you guys want that it's that pleasures. Yeah, you know, I always send off on Tuesday
This is just the overflow. So it's not the stuff that's out there on the on the shelves. This is the overflow stuff
I just look through it and then put stuff up there
So comics if they don't have nothing they can just riffle on that. Yeah riffle on that. That's great
Casio said that Mike's great. He came by recently and did it
Pleasures if he was there I wasn't there. He does the can of bar Mike on Monday. We know why he goes to that one
He tells me that too. He's like man. I'm gonna go up there and talk about the showcase, but really I'm just going up there
Yeah, I may not even do a set. He says he doesn't always do a set when he's up there
Oh, he said he said surely got up at one of the mics and the comment the host
Was like there's a guy coming up to the mic next. I've never heard of him
No, but he's I guess he's a new new comic y'all make some noise for surely. I wonder who that it wasn't me
I wonder who is that can it was it a can of bar?
I would have to assume so but I don't know if it was that can of bar had to be
Nico then yeah, yeah, I was an eco and Nico said uh, there's a brand new comic. I guess going up for the first time and it's surely
Done gigs with dice clay and so why I was on the stand-up showcase and he was the headliner for us
Yeah, yeah, he's cool. I mean just the coolest dude in the world
I was like, you know, it's surely so I'm like, hey, you want where you want to sit cuz I was just sitting down on the
Couch he's like man. I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna eat these wings standing up on the yeah on the microwave and and we're cool
We had him on the pod. He's got two stories that he told on the pod that are
So great about open up for dice and how dice will fuck with you. He'd be like I want you to go out there
I'm doing a terrible
How about you go out there and tell them about
The walkout song I'm coming out through it's my kids band and he's like
He goes, yeah do it for three minutes, you know, and and he's like I got 15 minutes of material
I was gonna do he's like, hey just talk about
Go out there and ask him what they like hockey
Because it's in Canada the show is uh-huh. And he's like, oh my god
So talk about asking what they like hockey and then tell him about the walkout song. I'm coming out to
and he's like
Because he knows Dices fans are like real quick to be like get the fuck off this
So he goes, uh, everybody here like hockey and people are like
They're already a turning on
Just asking that stupid go we're from Canada course be like fucking hockey and then he goes into the bit about
The the song he's going out to and they just audience goes crazy. They're like
It's so funny man, he's got so many good die stories about dice don't give a fuck man
Yeah, I love that shit on social media. He just goes up and just puts people through hell
I don't know if you've seen him. Oh, yeah, and he's like
You want a picture with a million dollar face?
Yeah, I'm addicted to watching that stuff man, he is so funny he wears those crazy ass hot hats and those big-ass glasses
But he's getting recognized a lot lately. He's posting those two. He'll just put something like big fan
Coming back coming back the dice man
Yeah, what a legend he is man. How was it?
So the biggest person you open up for is that uncle laser like like oh you went on that's the one you went on
Right. Yeah, well he came by the pod and did the pod and right as we were wrapping up the pod
He was like what y'all do comedy and Casio and I were like, yeah
And he was like boy y'all open up for me a mobile and we were like on that pod
I was like don't you want to know what I'm doing?
We were like on that pod. I was like don't you want to know if we're good or not?
Like you do this all the time. You got a good burn to nine times out of ten
Just going you do comedy. Come on
He goes man, it's y'all's dick to eat y'all coming down and we killed it down in mobile that night
and he was like y'all want to go to New Orleans and I was like
Yeah, I guess we'll go to New Orleans and we went to New Orleans and didn't have as good of a show
But it was the audience there was only like 50 people there
But yeah, and we hit it off with him
We had so much fun when we would go out afterwards that like man, I'm telling you like being good at comedy
It's of course important
But if you're a good hang you'll get an opportunity so much quicker than somebody that's an absolute nightmare to deal with offstage
Are you telling? Oh got a couple. Yeah, I know I know there's comics on our scene that are tough to hang out with off mic
But on stage they are killers and I was like man, it's amazing the contrast the difference
I enjoy you so much and as soon as your foot gets off the stage, I'm like running from you
Like somebody rolled a grenade under the door, you know
But that's that's your laughing
There was a thing that happened recently
What are we doing? Hey look y'all got to live in the scene be careful what y'all say on this one
Give less of a fuck
But I just don't like when people try to like bite the hand that feed you so, you know
We can't we all came in people or being a nice enough to like invite us to shows and they do that to a lot
Of people even if they're not good yet
You know what I mean?
And they'd be like you you still need that experience to get on a show and they put them on shows to put them on pay
gigs and then if something happens that they don't like it's a big deal
We're exposing people now are trying to expose people and people and they're like you can distance yourself from me. Fuck
No, I'm not dissing myself from you. I'll go harder. Yeah, I'll go harder because and by the way get out of the way
There's people there's a line of people wanting that. Yeah
If you'll just get out of the way by hey next time
Give me a one-minute notice that you don't want to be there because I can replace it and that quick, you know
Yeah, I'm the same way about it man
I'm getting I'm getting less because I'm not doing anybody any favors by walking on eggshells around them when somebody has a terrible
Set I'll reach out to him personally and they'll hit me back. Like I didn't think I had that bad of a set
Well, I'm just here to tell you you definitely had a terrible set and I want to pair you up with such-and-such
I think your comedy is out there and it's not like anybody else's it's terrible
But I think if you would gravitate towards this person
So meet up with them and work over your premises because some people just get up there and talk about their fucking day
Yeah, I got into my cubicle this morning and and John they think it's so crazy and I was like you're not setting up anything
You're just ranting hoping where's the punch you hit something there and I'll try and pair
I really do want everybody to get better. Mm-hmm. There are lost causes out there now and every market
Oh, yeah, and you you want to push them in the direction where they're gonna be there's probably good at something
They're probably great at something. So the sooner you get them going in that direction
It's always a tragedy when somebody quits
I don't want anybody to quit but there are some people that should
Really focus their attention towards other stuff and there is a lot of stuff to be around comedy
Like we're talking about if it'll be the shit if we had somebody that knew funny who could edit the pod
You know what I'm saying? You don't want to trust everybody
Yeah, you know you want to get in then you want to get the reaction when somebody says something and bounce it off
But you don't trust everybody with that
But it'd be so good because like you're saying it takes away from your writing ability and what when do you have time?
You got a job then you got to do this. You got to do that
I get it and then but like some people and everybody's not most people are not gonna make it and stand up
But you can always still do stand up
But then you can focus a little bit of time on oh, I could be good at this
I can be good at sound I could be good at producing something. Yeah, I could be good on shows
You know what I'm saying? You can make shit funny by editing it
You can edit stuff that wasn't funny and you can insert a moment that wasn't even there
We do it all the time one of the guys on our pod bombs all the time
And we'll pause and do that kind of thing on Dukes of Hazzard where they're like now this old boy right here
And know that you'll have the Dukes of Hazzard thing crashing into a ground
well
you can insert stuff like that into a pod and make it really funny and like tight shots on the face and
Pauses that aren't there we have you know act like everybody's nodding off like as you get done with the episode
Hey, man, there was a moment in there and be funny if we did this
Can we just get a tight shot of y'all just like drifting off the sleeve?
That's bad and go back and edit and do stuff like that. Yes, I'm doing that
Oh, yeah, when somebody says something not funny, they're like great episode dude, and then later they watch it and they're like son of a bitch
You need people like that man like because producing is a whole different skill set. Yeah, yeah
I saw homeless pimp last night that works for hey, babe. Yeah
Yeah, I look over I got a picture of him, but he was right beside the stage. He works for Barghatzi full-time
I see why he started both backing off of the Stefanos uh, whatever his pot solo pot
Yeah, it's a chaos and then he backed out of hey, babe
I was like oh and I noticed he produced special for a lot of comics and so I didn't know he backed off cuz Chris
He came in hot
Chris Decephano came in hot hot and then he kind of I don't mean his stuff doesn't even pop up on
You know my shit anymore. I don't know why I didn't know any money. Yeah, he's fine
I didn't know that homeless pimp left. Oh, yeah
He left he left his solo pie first and then he left hey babe
Which was his moneymaker and I was thought who is he working for and then I saw his name start popping up on like producing
like
Specials and he's out with Nate full-time now
You can I think he just yeah cuz I seen so he was he popped up on my Twitter homeless
But that's crazy. You just said that he literally just popped up on my Twitter
He was like shout out to this person gave me a shout out on stage. He had the clip
It probably was named Bugatti. Yeah, and then he was like, it's so badass to work with him. That's crazy
Yeah, I look over and I look right beside the stage
I'm right there by the stage and he's taking a picture of the
Nate's dad and I took a picture of him and tagged him and then two minutes later
I got a notification that he shared it on his pro was that you then? Yeah
Oh, yeah, you saw his share of it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, and then I was like you're in a legend man
And he said thanks to hell. Yeah, I just crazy some of the guests we've gotten on our pod
I've literally just DM them
That's how I got Eric Griffin. We oh, we were just we were just talking about Eric Griffin. We love Eric Griffin
Yeah, and but I know how to word shit like that's what he said
Yeah, I get a thousand of these emails a day
But I could tell you're an industry guy by the way you approached it. You didn't fanboy out
You were just like hey man. See you're doing a gig
It's 80 miles from us if you want to pop in and do a do a pod and and it was all about how I worded it
But yeah, they popped right back same thing with Adam Ray. Now that price tags a little
We'll take two of them buddy seven and a nine o'clock
80 grand we got it
But yeah, that's you know, you'd be amazed at how sometimes they'll just reply now
Sometimes they won't you know, we had Ari Shafir on the hook for the longest time and then it like two days before it fell apart
His agent's fault. Okay his agents pretty so do you email the comic himself or herself or the agent?
Okay the comic yeah, but he we could I couldn't get him to we even know big J
Big J's like I'll get I'll get already to come do it and it's just like no, it's not a priority with them
You know
You imagine like bringing up to your butt if you're in the New York comedy scene being like there's this podcast in Alabama
You really should you're not gonna spend any time
I think about it even remember it once yeah, that'd be all you say about it in passing if he's like
Hey, I don't know. It's like well, it's a fun podcast to do. It was pretty cool
I hung out with the guys all night
They took me out and treated me really well and even that I mean
It's it's a push and pull thing like when you're at this stage and you're trying to get followers
Mm-hmm. They don't need you you need them. Oh, yeah
So when the tables turn and like Joe Rogan wants you to come do something well, oh, yeah
You need him like no matter who you are
That moves tickets being on that show. Mm-hmm and doing good or bad. It still moves a bunch of tickets and
It's just a push and pull thing. You'll fight that forever
But like you said it's comics out there who are just comic comics and I you know
These guys are trying to do something like you said you like I listened whenever Eric was telling you
It's like the way you worded it and just doing just doing that and going to extra mile that might be like, you know
Yeah, I'll go on there. Yeah, and that's cool that you guys get you guys get big knees to have Chris Hansen watch the x5 podcast
I'm telling you right now. That's the most exhilarating
Thing to watch is them film they film it they film it right behind the studio
We have a house and they do the stings out of there the the chatters. They're called chatters
They come in two days before and they start throwing bait out in the water and get to
Establishing and it's amazing how many people within minutes or just they have a hundred people in the line
Wanting to come over cheese and they'll do it. They have two scenarios. They sell it's a mother pimping out her daughter
Okay, and and just a daughter looking for money, but it's also it's all
Prostitution based bait. So they're saying ones of mother pretending to like solicit her daughter for sex
Yeah, and it is in saying how many people get on the hook
So then Chris comes in on like a Friday or Saturday or Tuesday and with it depends on what he comes in on different days
But he comes in for two days usually 48 hours and buddy
They just get them to pop over and they're in Coleman and they're in aniana and they're in Huntsville
One of the guys they got was a baggage carrier for American Airlines and Huntsville Airport
Oh shit, that's always fly American shit
Fucking pedophile touch my shit
But man listen, okay, so I'm there watching it
Of course our podcast studio has these live feeds aimed at the house and inside the house
They have cameras all set up and we're in the studio lobby just watching it. That's great
And do we have Dave Williamson, which is a Burt's opener for the longest time?
He was he came in just to watch it and do weird drinking and partying and having fun and they got these people on the hook
And it's so exciting. They're like pulling in the driveway. I was like
That's crazy and then some people run for it
Which is crazy because let me tell you there are at least like 60
Sheriff and deputies behind a wall just wishing you wishing you would they can't wait
They were in that they've been sitting there with pent-up energy for days waiting for this to happen and buddy
Some people run for and they am all
At the mouth get that two-year-old they'll get it they got six and two days the time I did it watched them
Dude, they were about to catch somebody else and I had tool tickets
I had tickets to go see tool like two hundred fifty dollar tickets and I was like I can't skip this but god
I wanted I don't give a shit about tool dude
It's the most exhilarating thing to watch them bust these guys do people ever come there and then dip off like they feel
So do it out crazy some people one of the guys they caught was a private investigator. That's what his job
So before before they'll do this shit, too
They'll tell the chatter they're 30 minutes away, but they're already there and they're going in front of the house and that's why they got
To clear it as soon as they catch somebody they got to turn it over and get them out of there because
Who knows that Vinny and the other people are doing the same thing?
But this guy drove by several times said he was an hour or 30 minutes away
And and kept looked at the property looked online since he's a private investigator looked up who owns the property
Who owns the building next to it all that kind of stuff trying to gauge you and her name?
See if her name matched up
It's the same last name as the owner and all that kind of stuff and he still went mad
I'm still got bus, but it's crazy, dude
It's like these guys know and it's all guys by the way never have they ever busted a girl doing it
I was like we all really start looking at these high schools because that's where that shit's going down every week and they're hot teachers
We didn't have that shit
Doing a bit about this my closer, but I'm telling you right now if that was an option in high school
I'd have been way better in school
He said this never once been a girl and
These guys know there's a 20% chance that it's gonna be Chris Hansen and they're still willing
to gamble it
Still willing to do it knowing 20% chance if there was a 20% chance that plane was crashing
Would you get on that fucking?
full of hot whores and Russian process
But I was we ask him when we're like dude
Did since you know there's so many out there
Aren't you like feel like you're not even you're just barely chipping away at a tiny little fraction of but he's like no no
No, it's it's rewarding and we are deterring people from he has to be deterring people every person
They bust it saves 25 kids from me. Oh
Roughly, it's not exact science, but roughly 25 kids get saved for every person. They do it. No, okay
I still it is dope man
And he's gonna continue to keep coming back and doing and I was like you think there's something around here
He goes it ain't about being around here. We can set this up anywhere in America anywhere
Anyway, downtown New York to you know, Blount County, Alabama. It doesn't matter
They will drive from Virginia to come down here. Wow
He goes remember how desperate you were back in the day that you saw a hot girl you wanted
It's you would drive states away to go meter, right? Yeah, but she would I would like I preface it with she was of age
Yeah, let's get back clear before I get into this. I feel like you're setting me up. Yeah
He's like they're the same way. I mean, they're just like it's just strange to them
They just have a mental, you know, they're mentally crazy
I was watching your episode one of them where he was on there and one of the hosts was like hey
It's good to see you Chris. I was like damn nobody's ever said that before
It's a bad day for you. Yeah
Some of them I mean a lot of them know who he is and they asked for it
They're like, I love your show man. You're really saving people and he was like, but you're one of the people
I'm saving people from like it's crazy to hear them give him accolades. They're doing yeah, they're diluted in their
Sickness, I mean it has to be a sickness if you like you said if you're going 20% chance
That it's gonna be a sting and you still do it
It has you have to be so fucked up guys say the craziest stuff to get out of it to this last guy
He right is they're about to shut off cameras and put him in the car
He's like, well, it's not like I could have sex. Anyway, I shot my dick off last year
Oh and he was like
Say that again now
I would have heard dollar bills going up a man. I was like we just sold some advertisement buddy
That's a whole new episode now. Let's unpack this
Tell me about shooting your dick off and he goes through the whole thing with him about shooting his pecker off
It's on true blue. It's called they I guess the old network ABC owned to catch a predator
Yeah, so they have so they have to call it take down now with this Hanson, but it's the same show buddy
It's you could put that thing on any network and it's C span that thing would take off to it. It's so
It's so awesome to watch. Yeah, cuz he does it right?
I know it's myself but like Chris Hanson baits a man, you know makes them feel comfortable like the new ones on the internet
They just go too hard at them, you know, they're trying to say there's copycats on the internet. I didn't even know that
They're not copycats cuz they're not doing it right like they just go but oh you're trying to meet a 14 year girl
We're telling everybody it's a 14 go
But like people want you to embarrass them by making them or just see what they're thinking
Yeah, I feel Chris does and then yeah
You see everything that they're about and then you bust them, you know in a calm way
If you're just up there screaming at them, we don't get to know nothing about the
I said, what if somebody's like I plead the fifth? I don't want to talk
Yeah, cuz you don't have an episode at that point. He was like, no, we have an episode we go through and they don't have to
Say shit to us. We can just sit there and go through the transcripts of so you told this girl
You'd like to effort and the B and like all this kind of stuff that they'll just read that out
Which is way more embarrassing for that guy. Mm-hmm. He would probably rather just have you interview him and see what he was thinking
When he came up there cuz they all try and back out of it
I mean one of the guys they call him this last one worked at a Toyota dealership in Birmingham and he left work to go
Do it and he looks a dude
He looks like Kenny Kenny Rogers before the surgery, but he looks like Kenny Rogers like I'm just a nice well-to-do old man
Mm-hmm. Nice car nice car pulled up in well clean well kept and what was he there to meet?
a 15 year old girl girl
Okay, and he's 70 which what I asked him I go why is it the first question to these guys?
Hey, man knowing how this thing kind of works
What makes you think a 15 year old or any age woman would sleep with you like a struck match?
You're like 800 years old and you have that look of a pedophile but not all of them have that look
Yeah, I'm gonna look very normal. One of them was the mayor the old mayor of any honest son
Is that why it's cuz did he get taken down one of my friends telling me is I don't know how true it is
But that he got taken off the network because he called somebody higher up
No, no, that's not it. No. No, okay. I didn't ask him that'd be a great question. Maybe you should
Dicking around with my own thoughts. You're asking like power or like hard-hitting questions. I would have been good to know
Why aren't you on the network anymore? Well, he probably here's the deal. Honestly, he didn't own the show
Mm-hmm. Oh, he was an employee of Dateline. Mm-hmm. So now he owns part of true blue
Okay, and that work is negotiations probably and yeah and just he makes more money running. Yeah on his own
yeah, he probably had to take a big leap of faith doing it that way, but
Low, you know high risk high reward. Yeah, sure. That's the kind of shit that goes with it. Hell. Yeah, so we got this out here
That means it's the end of the episode before we go
Let's pull up these pictures our Intel guy our Intel guy gave us some pictures and I just want to if this is a me
In the band, I'm really never gonna forgive you for this
Yeah, I get that
You got the line on panties. Yeah, you know how long it took us for the move those
We thought that was such a genius idea
We didn't know that every guy in the world would be like so disgusted if they pulled down a girl's pants is like
If they've been here
Oh
You got the bird
Remember that picture at all Tony I used to drink a lot
Sound like me now. Yeah
There's birdie bird bird birdy boy. Yeah, he was at the stardom and
That's where I met Dave Williamson that opened up for him. But yeah, we just hung out at the bar
I was like, I know this dude he'll be at this bar at some point
So just the whole room emptied out everybody left and we just parked our ass at the bar
And I've hung out with him several times since then though. He's cool. Cool. Hey, he has to be cool. Oh, yeah
I'm in his daughter. Oh, yeah, you did. Yeah, he is his shows are kind of like pep rallies. They feel like they're not as much comedy shows
It's just what you know
What's great about bird and to talk me about this about comedy is that you can develop your own brand of it
You only need 1% of people to fuck with you. And and if you get that 1% it doesn't matter if if a true comic like Dave
Attell writes better jokes than you it doesn't matter. He's filling up arenas talking about his family
So it gives me hope that like I may not be the best joke writer
I want to be but I may end up just being a storyteller and that's kind of what he is and there's a market for all
Of us. Yeah, like whenever I was I was on kill Tony when he was on there
And then, you know, of course, I went looking through the comments seeing what anybody said about me
But the all of them were just trashing Burton Whitney Cummins, they hated them
But like I went to a Burt show sold out. Yeah, like yeah, I don't care what all these people say all these they'll they have hate
YouTube channels dedicated to Burt Chrysler if I got those dude, I've made
I guess my dick if I got a hate thing dedicated towards me. Nobody that's doing something right don't have that going on. I just started one so it's great
Also before we end the episode I just want to say something about
Jack Douglas our research guy first of all fuck you for misspelling my name in this list
He wrote down you had a list of comedians. You were dying to see live. That was October 27th
2022 Tim Dillon Christa Stefano Shane Gillis Santino Bobby Lee Mark Norman
And he wrote my name in here for some reason and he misspelled it and I know he misspelled it on purpose
Because that's how Dom always says my name dude
But he put me right in between Dave Chappelle and Big J
Just like Gerard Carmichael, dude. I'm like Dave Chappelle
Who's y'all listen people you haven't seen yet? You want to see I know we need to wrap up. I'll talk
But uh, so mine is deaf I seen I seen I
Saw Timmy D. By the way, I got to see you got to see Tim. Tim Dylan's one of mine
Bobby Lee is one of mine like I want to see him live cuz he doesn't have anything out
Let me tell you something. He's putting something out easy and I've asked every comic why is Bobby Lee so popular and he doesn't have one
Special they said he's been doing the same act forever. Mm-hmm and every comic started to hold his feet to the fire and now he's there
He's finally gonna release he's gonna release it and it's forcing him to be uncomfortable and go out there and do it
And not kill cuz I heard whenever you see him everybody says he murdered. Yes razor sharp shit
He's been working on for 20 years probably. Yeah. Yeah, it's all like iron sharp as iron
He hadn't taken it out there and put it online. So
I want to say that's my boy. I'm gonna go meet everybody when he bombed
He'd go stand at the front of the club and shake your hand and when he killed you couldn't find him anywhere
He would make eye contact with you after a big bomb
Thanks for coming
Who is yours I was so Theo Vaughn I was supposed to go see him but something happened that day I had to refund my tickets
Shane Gillis. Yeah, he's on my skillet. Yeah, I'd love to see Shane Gillis Bobby Lee would be good
I don't know anything about a stand-up like you guys were saying and then probably
Shit, I he's dead, but I would have loved to seen Jerry Clower live because he was the first comedian ever listened to
I don't know that is clean comedian
He filmed a special in Clanton, Alabama called peaches and possums right next to the big peach statue dude
He was a clean comic, but he was so fucking funny, dude. No, so funny when he died. Oh
Man, he was old dude that special came out like 97 98. You know shortly
I think he died in like the early 2000s. Okay. Yeah, I never heard of him before
Yeah, but he's like a southern dude. Just one of those guys is naturally funny
What about you man me? I would love to see currently right now either Joey Diaz. Oh, yeah
That's a good one and he's such a hard one to see dude, he's like he don't want to do whatever he wants to
He was like I'm done then he said at one point like I'm not doing stand-up anymore
Is he on this fully loaded thing? Is he on any of those dates this summer?
I don't know if he's on it. They're doing one in New Jersey wants to he's on it though. You know, it's one of those things
I asked Burt like
I hadn't seen him doing much at all and Burt's Burt told me this in private probably shouldn't be saying it
But he's like he gets a lot of advice from Joe Rogan
And he goes the problem with Joe's advice sometimes is that it comes from 20,000 feet
He gives you advice from what he would do at his level, but Joey Diaz ain't Joe Rogan
So he can't like he can't and he you know
He's been known to cancel a lot of shows last minute like renegotiating two weeks before the show
He's like I want this and they're like you already signed up for this
We're not we're not budging on that and he's like I'm not coming
so I think he's had that happen with a handful of clubs across the country and
Honestly, I don't think he I think he likes leaving Jersey. So yeah. Yeah, he doesn't like he like he said
He doesn't do anything on Sundays. He needs to be back home on Sundays and he like does what he wants to do
He's at that age now. He knows, you know, yeah, he's just doing what he wants to do. But that's a great one
I would love to see who else besides Jim. I mean he's dead, of course
But Richard Pryor because that's something that my grandparents did for me
But Richard Pryor because that's something that my grandmother introduced me to that's how I learned about comedy another live one
A live one another live one. I want to see today. See you vine. Of course
He's fucking hilarious. Yeah, and so he's been around here too. Y'all had your opportunity
He did Montgomery a couple years ago
I wasn't gonna I was gonna go that one, but I never bought a ticket
But when he came to uh, the VBC I was gonna go then then had some shit go down that day
I mean i've done i've seen too like I did security for uh, Mike Epps one time. I got to see that
He's one of my top five dude. Yes, dude, you know never faded feeling x-rated
I try to tell them it's one of them. It's top five for me in specials of all time. It's so silly
It's so fucking funny. I've seen him a bunch too him and earthquake. I saw together
When he would lay his school outfit down the night before and just walk past him for it be like
Oh, yeah kill they ass in the morning
I used to do that shit too. I'd get that first day of school outfit out there and lay it on the bed
I'm like, oh they ain't ready for me when I come in that school with that shit
To see a picture of your first day fit compared to Mike Epps, you know
Who do I have left now what is it now because i've seen it shanguilis is definitely one of them and
You've seen uh sam triplet
Uh, no, um sam talent. Oh, I did I met him. Okay. Oh nice
Uh, but he got me for a t-shirt too son of a bitch
Who else is on that list? I saw tom papa chris roth. Oh, chris roth. Tom papa. I've seen chris rot
How'd you like it? He's great. I saw him and chapelle together. It was a miserable experience, but it wasn't them
It was just the arena for drunk people
People screaming back at him after every joke and then passing out on my wife on her back
I was like you that whole section was looking at her like don't move
You gotta take one for the team because he passed out against her back like this
And I was like don't move you wake this damn bear up. He the whole section hates him
Like they're yeah, they're everybody's like giving her money. Please don't move. Please. Let us enjoy this show that we spent so much money for
Damn, dude, annie letterman
Oh, yeah, I love annie. I like it too. I wouldn't expect uh her to be on him. I like her dude
My like her and katherine blanford. You know what?
Look her up because I know the name. She's gorgeous too. She's really cute. Yeah, let me see. Uh, she's from kentucky
She's a uh, yeah katherine blanford. She opened up for uh, burt at the arena a couple weeks ago
She's uh, she just filmed a special and all austin lazars friends with her
blanford f.o.r.d
Blanford oh no katherine blanford
Right here. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah, I never had right there that yes, okay there we go
Yeah, she's awesome
She's way too cute to be a comment. She could be on fox news. Yeah, she really does
One of their anchors, right? Yeah, I'm like, is that rob stider? Yeah rob stider. She looks especially hot next to rob
Rob was like a struck match
Yeah
He looks like somebody caught on fire somebody put it out with a
He looks like a substitute teacher at hogwarts look at him
Like animal from the muppets
Yeah
Yeah, katherine just filmed a special in austin with the big horse. She's from louisville, kentucky
I think but she's a she's great and she's self-deprecating in a way where she talks about like i'm too hot to be doing comedy
I look like I should be selling
Medic like prescriptions to to people, you know, I think I heard that joke dude. I think I started flipping it
Yeah, it pops up. She was on uh
jimmy fallon recently
Yeah, what's her name again katherine blanket, okay, you're already on
Brandon has special needs that's okay
We all do we're all undiagnosed and untreated
Or self-diagnosed that's what's so funny about comics lately like the asshole comics to be like hey man, i'm autistic
So you can't like no you're you're dickhead and you're using that as an excuse to talk to me the way you're talking to me
And I know you're not autistic. We have them on the scene
Sprinkled around on a lot of them. We know what you're munti. Yeah
He's not an asshole he's great
He just talks to you like this
And he says the funniest thing you've ever heard
Comics use it way too much now
And there's definitely some on the scene, but they're they're not assholes like most of the autistic guys
I know like jake's he's a killer by the way. Oh, yeah
I've got him on a show next is it next week. He told me you got him on like two
down in orange beach and then
He's gonna be doing in front a bunch of golfers on the 18. Oh
Dude, could you imagine that he's still gonna have cargo pants and a long sleeve shirt with a button up over those aren't
That hair is great. It's a mane. It's wild. It's that amelia airheart fucking air swept. Yeah
He's got it streamlined
On this podcast too, I thought he oh, yeah, he is on no he's he's been on here and we we have them on like
Stuff. Yeah. Yeah, but it's just us three and then jack is our intel guy
Yeah, yeah, yeah jake's the band. He's gonna be on uh, he's uh doing one of our feature comedians on the uh, seven clown college
I'm gonna try and come up to that. That'd be badass if you came. Yeah, put your name in the bucket, dude
Oh, yeah, we just fuck with it. That's fine. And I'm pleased. No, I can take it
I didn't get into this with thin skin
This is my shit. I love it. I I I my hack and forth show by the way
I built it made it all what it is
But I put the people that are best at what they do for that. They're all doing it
I got j-dubs from montgomery doing production. I got john mcclearn and we'll sub out a comic here and there for uh for
On the panel. You got to get on there like how do we get?
To just be one that goes up. Yeah
Um, yeah, you just sign up. There's a there's a
I'll give you a link to put on this when you put it out. Yeah, there's a there's a sign up if you go to comedy break
in
uh instagram
Handle, uh, oh so that bio that's what we're gonna do now. So this then and first of all, thank you so much for coming
This was the shit so anything you got coming up we actually have it
Uh, you can go ahead and hand to him but anything you got coming up say it right there
We'll have it on the side of you, you know, is this some kind of joke?
You know, I can't read this shit. I've got fucking glaucoma and you put it in the smallest font possible. Go ahead read it off
You think you're cute damn it jack being ableist the second ableist on the scene, dude
I guess the big thing to promote right now is to get tickets for that stardom show
I can't stress this enough. You will be kicking yourself in the ass and they're free
They're free
Now if you let me tell you something if you there is like a three dollar charge for ticket fee or whatever
If you email me about that goddamn ticket charge, you can suck my dick dude. It's a free ticket
You're gonna get hit with a two drink minimum when you go in there. Anyway, it's free tickets. We're getting it to you
Yes, they may charge you two dollars or three dollars for a ticket fee, but go to the stardom.com
Use promo code x5 get four up to four free tickets. Here's a little inside baseball
You can get as many tickets
You can use that promo code a hundred times if you've got that many friends now
I don't know many comics with one friend but outside of this a lot of the comics down in birmingham
I put them on shows thinking they'll bring four or five people
Not one person gives a squirt of piss about them dude
As a matter of fact, I think comedy is their social circle and they have no friends outside of that. It's crazy. So
If you want to go it's free definitely go to stardom.com. It's april 30th. I mean may 30th
Jesus
uh
And it starts at 7 30 10 comics
Winner gets 500 and then they compete at the end for five thousand dollars in august. So yeah
Hell yeah, and they pick wild cards too if you're a comic and you don't win and it was close between you and somebody else
They'll probably snatch you up because there's only five
Events and so for this six for the finals they need five more
So they're going to pull five wild cards so and i'm not in charge of picking them
I wish I was they don't even ask me to vote on the final thing, which is crazy
I'm just in charge of gathering everybody up and feeding it to bruce and cassio and all those guys
I know. Yeah, and uh at uh david line. I am david line. I'm on all social media. I am david line
I'm l y n a m
And I need followers. Thank you
All right. Thanks again, man. I had a blast man. Really appreciate this dude. Yeah